#581: Q the Running Man

Yeah, she's a girl, though.

Yeah, that's what I took into account.

It's like, what a loser.

Like, how am I getting dragged into all this?

I have nothing to do with any of this.

Even though I don't want, I don't want drugs.

But it's like, it's nice to be offered drugs, though.

Like, you're still one of the cool guys at the plaza.

Tell them Steve Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

Pre-Christmas, Walt.

Is this the last one until the new year?

I believe this is, well, not till the new year, but this is the last one before Christmas.

Next episode will be Christmas.

And I have to recommend that if you are going to listen to the Christmas episode, you may as well join Patreon, right?

For a month.

Check out all it has to offer because it's going to be on Patreon.

Yeah, the video will be on Patreon and the audio version.

And then, of course, it'll also be available on Bandcamp on December 23rd.

We're looking at December 23rd.

That's the target date.

If you don't see it on December 23rd, then it'll be on the 24th.

But absolutely, one of those two days.

All right.

Christmas Eve.

Festive.

If you're wondering, Q is also here.

Hello.

Hello, Q.

And that's the TSD Christmas, right?

Yes.

Okay.

There's been

a

host.

The month of December on the Patreon has all Christmas content.

Every single week was a Christmas content

drop.

So

if you're in need of some Christmas

Christmas spirit levels low?

Yeah,

that's the B12 shot you need.

That's the TSD Patreon.

More like C12 or C25.

C25?

Okay.

All right.

Christmas.

All right, let's go.

Yeah.

Oh, so what do we got this week?

I had some issues.

Maybe Walt can help.

I don't know.

I'll try.

What's going on?

I have some problems at school with a kid.

For the first time ever, really, it became a major thing to a point where I'm like, you got to be fucking kidding me about this shit.

So

Sage is into fashion.

She thinks she's sassy.

That's her whole thing, her whole.

Sassy.

Yeah, she believes believes she's sassy.

That's sassy.

Sassy Fashionista.

Yes.

But then you look at her fashion and you're like, who are you kidding?

Crazy.

Does she ever ask you or Mary Beth for advice?

No, but she will offer advice.

Okay.

She offers advice and opinions unsolicited all the time.

And now is she like, you know, she subscribed to like Fashionista, TikTok.

She watches Instagram, TikTok.

TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube are her go-to's.

And

went to school the other day and witnessed by a teacher, so because I usually give her the benefit of the doubt with this kind of stuff, witnessed by a teacher, she shoves a girl and says she doesn't like her outfit.

Oh,

no.

Now, meanwhile, I don't know.

I'm not sure what she's wearing, but I'm sure it's not like, you know, Gucci

or something.

What kind of

funny because probably more sheen?

You know,

I love cops.

I worked with cops even during the whole time, like I said, but it is funny that she becomes fashion police and she instantly starts slapping people around.

This is what we're trying to get away from.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, I thought we were moving past this.

She's lucky it wasn't on video.

Did they start with body cams?

They got to start wearing body cams.

So

they call me and I'm like, okay, well, if she has to get punished at school, all right, that's not a nice thing to do.

They're like, yeah, but it was what happened afterwards that was the big problem.

Oh.

And it's when they asked her why she did it, she told them that she has a black heart and the voices told her to do it.

Oh.

And so if they're.

Oh my God, is it?

You're not really thinking it's that fucking doll that you fucked over, is it?

Robert the doll?

Yeah.

I'm not positive it's not Robert the Doll.

I did everything possible.

So Robert leapfrogged

and

went after Sage.

Was Sage with you?

No.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

All right.

She didn't go to Key West and See.

No, but I did tell her about Robert the Doll, though.

Did she scoff at Robert when you told her?

No, she thought it was cool because I bought the little replica and I set it up in the room, the haunted doll room.

So she thought it was cool.

Oh, you have a doll?

You have a Robert doll in your house right now, a replica?

Yeah.

I'd get rid of it, right, Jay?

You're right.

You're okay with the haunted doll room,

but that's the problem.

It's just this one doll.

Because I'm sure the rest of the dolls were purchased online, and they're probably, you know, a bunch of nonsense, but this is.

It's like a bunch of living dead dolls.

Yeah.

This is Robert the doll.

And the one you gave her, that custom made one.

Yeah, that one definitely was in haunted.

That shit was haunted.

That was like gruesome.

It wasn't.

Sorry.

Would you maybe think about getting rid of Robert the Dahl replica?

Even the replica may be causing this.

Weren't you on here a few weeks back talking about how stupid Robert the Dahl was?

Oh, absolutely.

I still maintain that, but I want to see how far he's willing to go.

Will I throw away $40 to rid myself of the curse?

So she said she had a black heart, and then what?

And the voices told her to.

Did you ask her about it?

Were you like, what voices?

I did.

I said, okay, this is what you told them.

I was like, why did you say that?

And she goes, I didn't know what else to say.

Is it a song lyric, possibly?

No,

no, it's probably something she saw on YouTube.

She watches a fuck ton of YouTube videos.

She watches these spy ninjas, all kinds of other stuff with bad guys.

Do you?

I have to say, like, what a real, like, universal human moment because, like, I've said so many stupid shit in my life just because I didn't know what to say and I open my mouth and something dumb comes out so you know welcome to adulthood sage right yeah she's almost 18 so she just got to be careful because the next step was they're like we'd we really like to see her to see a psychiatrist oh and i'm like but that's when i was like i mean she might need to see a shrink for other reasons you know she's she's pretty imaginative she talks non-stop to herself But I'm like, I told the lady, I was like, look, I went to school in the 70s where teachers were fucking smacking on students.

Like, I understand that this little girl would be upset and it's not right to fucking shove her and all that other shit.

But, like, now it has to go into like, she has to see a psychiatrist because the letter said it's like she's,

she's said that she

wishes to harm people or herself, which when they told me what she said,

It didn't sound like that to me.

The voices told her to give somebody a little shove because they didn't like her outfit.

It's like, can we take a step back?

Like, I know, I know you have to be hypersensitive to what people say in school, but this is a special needs kid.

Like, can we all just fucking calm down and realize that she was acting like a little bitch?

That's what it comes down to.

That's what it comes down to.

When I was in college, they forced me to get a psychiatric evaluation once after I got into a fight.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Were you like all red-faced and crying and going crazy during the fight?

Because that's probably why.

I got into a fight with a drunk guy, and I don't like

in school?

In college, yeah.

Oh, in college.

on my dorm floor, and I kind of blacked out for a while.

Wait, what?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, you lived in a dorm in college?

Yeah.

What?

Wait,

wait.

You lived in a dorm in college.

You lived in a dorm.

You moved into a dorm.

Yeah, two different dorms.

How the fuck have we never talked about this before?

I think we've got a lot of people.

Did we talk about this before?

I think so.

Yeah, I think we talked about it years ago, I thought.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

I don't know why I didn't that didn't stick in my head.

Like, how long did you live there?

Uh, I lived in the one dorm for

like three quarters of a semester, and then I had to leave because my roommates were assholes.

And

not get them.

No, never you.

They poured soap in my fish tank.

You killed all my fish.

Did they?

Oh, that's okay.

All right.

That's it.

Stole my laptop.

Oh, buddy.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, so then they moved me into a private dorm.

So,

but

I got into a fight.

I don't remember the whole fight, so I told him that

I kind of blacked out during it.

Like, I didn't remember all of it.

And, like, okay, yeah, you got to get a psychiatric evaluation.

Really?

So, yeah, I had to go to

the local hospital, get a psychiatric evaluation.

Then I had to go see the school's counselor for like half a semester.

Because you got into a fight with a drunk guy?

Why were you the party, the party that had to suffer?

I think it was the blacking.

Yeah, because I said,

what do you remember the fight?

I was like, I don't remember all of it.

I think I maybe kind of blacked out, you know, like during it.

Like, I remember what led up to it and then afterwards, but I really don't have much recollection of what happened during the actual fight.

Yeah, but I think that's pretty standard for fights.

Like, I don't remember every detail of every

scuffle.

That's what the school decided.

Did you go red-faced and cry, though?

Like, Adam said he did.

Me?

I definitely have done it in my life.

Yeah.

Yeah, like when you're younger, get all upset.

Yeah, yeah.

Get all worked up.

Well, you know what it is?

It's just that you know, as you get older, you realize like when you're a kid, just that like fear of confrontation just builds up in you, right?

And you just explode.

And then like all the emotions come out and you start swinging wildly.

Like Ralphie in a Christmas story.

Yes, exactly.

Yeah, when he just starts going.

Yeah.

Now, were the other, the other kid who got shoved, was she special needs?

That they didn't specify.

So is she?

I'm assuming probably.

Was she in a classroom with

non-special needs kids?

Sometimes.

Sometimes.

Yeah, sometimes.

Usually she's with her class.

Sometimes she's with kids who aren't special needs.

And they're talking about moving her up of, because I think she's too advanced for

the class she's currently in.

So they're talking about moving her up to a more mainstream type classroom setting.

But I'm like, at home, what do I do?

Because I didn't punish her or anything.

I was like, what'd you do that for?

And she's like, I don't know.

Like, she got in-school suspension.

So, like, at home, would you have punished one of the girls if...

Wow.

I'm surprised though that they hold they

hold to the same standard because that's a little much because you would like obviously she's

she's you know, she could be imagining anything you know and probably is

at times.

So yeah, to hold her to the same

I I guess in one way it's good, but in another way, well then if you're going to hold her, then they also have to take the same route of what they have to do in that instance when a student student tells them that then.

I guess so, yeah.

It's the same for everybody.

Well, they even said.

Did they specify how hard the shove was?

I don't think she shoved her to the ground.

I think she just kind of pushed her.

Yeah, like was it like a shoulder shove or a double-handed shove?

I think it was just a single-handed kind of push.

I think there's where you have to address, not the telling of the I hear voices, you know.

I think it's, you know, you can't just shove somebody because you don't like their

pants and

their top.

You have to kind of keep that to yourself and not let it

become something that you would push somebody over.

Yeah.

Well, the thing is, too, it's like, why

her history at school is one of like, she's one of the sweetest,

most kind-hearted kids ever.

So when she says shit like this, it's like, how are you taking her seriously?

You know she doesn't have a black heart.

Like, you know, she doesn't.

Like, all I get are notes home about how great she is, how sweet she is, how nice she is, how cooperative she is, all these things.

She says one little thing, they're like, uh-oh.

But again, it's going back, though, I think we're over glossing over the push and the, you know, and actually saying out loud that she doesn't like someone's outfit, though.

Right.

That's where you have to like

come in and do some

some daddying and figure out a way to make her not do that again.

Right.

Or to figure out, or at least, you know, she can't speak that out loud.

She's usually like when she does things, it usually, if just my disappointment is enough, I don't have to like take away the iPad or any of that other stuff.

I'm just like, why would you do that?

Like, why would you do that to another little girl?

That's being a bully.

Like, that's what I was saying to her, you know?

So I sort of dressed her down for it, but I was like, just don't do it again, okay?

And certainly don't say stuff like that because it causes a whole host of problems.

Because now it went from like, oh, they're doing the, they're going to do the psychiatric evaluation to like, now I have to fucking set it up.

And now I have to do all this stuff.

Oh, Oh, they're actually following through with it.

Well, only if I wanted to.

I could have said no.

The other thing they did was like, I got a, again, this is like one of those things where it's like, well, if it's good for the goose, it's good for the gender type situations where

she goes to this thing after school called Friendship Club.

And it's like the mainstream normal students hang out with, you know, some of the students hang out with the special needs students and they help them do arts and crafts and stuff like that for like an hour after class,

after school.

And I got a letter home saying that she had had to submit to random drug tests

yeah

and I guess it's a it was a rule for anybody who

anybody who takes part in these like anything extracurricular whether it be basketball football friendship club glee club any of these things you have to sign a piece of paper that you'll be randomly drug tested

that's what I said to the teacher I was like this is silly I was like I don't want, she's not going to understand.

Guess what?

She's not on drugs.

If there are any drugs in that house, I'm taking them.

I'd be pissed if she took them.

Well, maybe she's taking performance-enhancing drugs for art.

Yeah, she's the pain a little harder.

Look how good she is at cutting out these paper dolls.

And that's illegal.

That's a legal thing that you could do.

If you want to participate in extracurricular activities, you have to submit to random drug tests.

Forced to be, yes, forced.

So I was like, she can't be in it.

And she wants to be in it.

So I'm like, fine.

And the teacher was like, look, they're never going to test her.

Guess who came up first?

Oh, shit.

Wow.

Yep.

But I can't remember if this was pre- or post-Robert Didall.

Did she pass?

I believe she passed, yeah.

Flying colors, shockingly.

All right.

Yeah, I guess Robert Didal might be behind all this, bro.

I think it's time to.

What more could I have done, though, Q?

Like, you know the deal.

Like, I did everything I was supposed to.

Don't buy a replica.

Don't buy the replica, yeah.

Well, then you brought it up on a comedy podcast.

So I think maybe.

He's feeling disrespected.

Yeah.

I got to write a letter now.

Me and General were just talking about our typewriters.

Yeah, we both have typewriters, and I'm like, I wish I had somebody to type a letter to who I know would respond to me.

You can write me a letter anytime you want, Pat.

I think I'm going to write you a letter.

I'm going to write you a letter and Robert a letter.

I think the fact that you pulled out the paper and typed away, you know, fix any mistakes you make, I think that really

means something more to Robert.

And it's not handwritten, so he doesn't have to try to read your chicken scratch.

He appreciates the level between computer and handwriting.

Oh, you think Robert actually

reads the letters?

It's not just the fact that the letter comes, he actually takes the time to peruse Santa Claus every letter.

I like to believe that the curators hold the letter up to Robert.

Yeah.

Like for at least a second so that he can read it.

I think they read it to him, I'm thinking.

Oh, okay.

I wasn't going to go that far, but okay.

All right.

Can we get one of Robert's keepers on this show one time?

They might call in.

I think they might call in.

I might call down there and be like, look, we do a podcast really interested in Robert.

If you have any spare time, like, you know, an extra 10 minutes to talk about Robert, it would be great.

Do you really want?

That would be cool, yeah.

Do you really want to poke that tiger?

That's a good point.

Sane is paying the price for me.

She wasn't even there.

Maybe they could do it on speakerphone next to Robert, and you could apologize by apologizing.

Yeah,

yeah, about how sorry

we, I, I, man, I used to like, me and Mosier used to write letters to each other.

Me and my friend Justine on stand on, we used to write letters, like type letters and mail them to each other.

It was fun, man.

That was like 10 years ago at this point, but it was fun.

I think we should get back into that.

Let's get back.

I used to type to Mosier, too.

Yeah, let's uh

typing circle.

Hey, how are you doing?

Just a like a little update, little newsletter.

I remember a

I could text this to you, but

I typed your roast when I when we did your roast at the stash.

And I was in the back clacking away, and Walt wandered in the back, and he thought I had like an app that was making typing noises, and he couldn't actually believe I had a typewriter out.

To be fair, if I walked into a back room and found you hitting a typing app, I would not be surprised at all.

Okay.

I'd be like, yeah, that makes sense.

But that's just me.

I have some family over my house, which is kind of why I couldn't come down today.

And

I watched my nephew in a track meet today run a four-minute and 42-second mile.

Wow.

I don't think I could bike a four-minute and 42-second mile.

Could not fucking believe what I was seeing.

I didn't even know that humans could run that fast.

What's the record, Giddem?

Look it up.

Fastest mile run.

Wow, four vessels.

That's pretty good.

How has he got is he like as skinny as a rail?

He's, you know, he's he's a young, yeah, he's a teenager, so he's he works out constantly.

All he does is train for this.

He loves this.

Well, those guys that like do the speed running in the Olympics, they're really built, right?

Like that Michael Johnson guy, like, wasn't he like fucking huge?

No, I was thinking more of those guys, like those Zimbabwe guys that

those guys, you know, they run, like, they can run from morning till night, and they never get tired of everything.

Yeah, yeah, I mean, he's not Zimbabwe, he's half Japanese, so maybe that,

you know,

used to running from Godzilla type thing, you know what I mean?

Just put something in the thing.

So,

yeah, I could not, God, give me the fastest mile, three minutes, 43 seconds.

Wow, he's not far off.

He's not far off, yeah.

He's less than a minute off of the fastest on record on the planet.

World record,

boys, how can we monetize this?

How can I make money off this?

How does Uncle Brian wet his beak on this situation?

I mean, I couldn't, but he moved, he lapped, he lapped other kids.

Like, I felt bad for the other kids in the race.

It was pretty incredible.

That's a fast motherfucker, right there.

Yeah.

I always wanted to be fast.

My friend Chris Hoxie, you remember him?

Chris Hoxey was in elementary school.

He was really fast, and I'm like the complete opposite of that.

Like,

I got like

duck feet.

So, like, when I run, like, my legs kick out and shit, I look all stupid.

you know can't run fast but you're gifted with height though that's true now you can't see my bald spot so god was looking out for me

there was a kid in who ran three min uh four minutes 38 seconds jesus like he was a second i i i could i felt so old um

that i'm still kind of shaking it off like i got the when i graduated the the academy i ran like a nine minute mile and i thought i was superman nine nine thirty minutes and now i'm just like I'm just a piece of shit.

I'm just a fat, old

man.

Oh, dude.

If you trained,

you could get down to that same time as your nephew.

You gave yourself a year.

You could.

Absolutely, you could.

Fucking way.

Yes, it just takes some training.

I'm telling you, man.

It would take a lot of training, but you could do it.

You could do it.

You could get in that window.

Absolutely, you could.

Do you know that he's fast to begin with?

Because

I was on cross-country for a season, and I think my fastest mile, now this is when I'm young and spry and agile, was probably around like seven minutes.

That's pretty slow.

I walked a mile in 18 minutes.

Okay, that's just walking at his normal pace.

So

if you, I'm telling you, you shave your head, your eyebrows to get that rid of that goatee and all your fucking all your body hair.

Not resistance.

Like resuit.

You want to borrow a green?

Go hairless.

Go completely hairless.

That's how you monetize it.

A pay-per-view special,

and you race your nephew.

Yeah, his nephew.

It's like take the plane.

You build the hype for a year that you're going to beat your nephew.

You're going to beat his time or at least tie his time.

And that's the only way I could see you monetizing it now.

It's just building the hype that you're going to do it and you're in training for it.

Like real wrestling style.

Like, I'm going to tear him apart.

I'm going to rip up the asphalt.

He's going to be eating my dust.

Montaging you running through Staten Island?

A la Rocky?

A rocky theme, yeah, for sure.

Oh, I don't even know if I could do a 10-minute mile.

When's the last time you just out and out, just sprinted?

For me, it's got to be fucking 20 to 30 years since you just absolutely sprinted from like one spot to another, just sprinting.

I can honestly say I don't even remember the last time.

I was going to say.

I had to be with the fire department.

So,

you know, 10 years ago, 10, 10, 15 years ago, maybe.

Could you sprint a mile now?

Sprint?

No way, but you could run a mile.

Yeah.

I don't know if I could run a mile.

You could walk a mile.

You could run away.

I could walk.

Yeah.

You could run it.

I mean, it's not going to be like,

it's probably going to be in the 20-minute range.

But then the next day, and you keep doing it and doing it, and you shave seconds and you start to shave minutes.

And eyebrows.

I think when I was walking, I was like down to a 12-minute mile

yeah yeah it's yeah it can be done but but then you're but then you got to have your butt cheeks real tight and you got to do that weird you know fast walk you see those power walking yeah

and then nobody wants to see that get them they're like slow down bar don't fucking puke walk around the plaza

butt cheeks i remember the year i won the uh marathon at my summer camp for my age group

It was only because I was the only one of that age at the summer camp that year.

So they still went ahead with the fucking race, even though you're the only one racing against yourself?

Well, no, everyone started off at the same time.

It was just done by age group.

Oh, okay.

So, because my birthday was so close to when camp started, they allowed me to, you know, like the cutoff was 15, they allowed me to do it at 16.

So, but I had one of the

really good-in-shape guy walking with me, and he was, he said, he goes, he was walking, he goes, but he was walking real, real, real fast.

Like, it was a little hard for me to keep up with him walking.

Like, I almost had a jog to keep up with him.

So, I took this as a compliment.

This is your 12-minute walking mile?

No, this is what when I was doing 12-minute walking, it was when I used to walk every night.

I walked five nights a week.

That's when he was

he burned off all the, all the, all the fat and everything, and he looked like he, he looked like Philadelphia.

I remember, yeah, I remember when Windorf said, uh,

Windorf said he imagined, this is way back.

I think when it was Windorf's first appearance on the show, he goes, he imagines Giddam walking in concentric circles in his room

to lose weight.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

That line always stuck with me.

It was pretty funny.

Do you think that, just to jump back to the Sage situation, how much worse is it if the fashion police, right, she pushed over a girl that was either wearing a Black Lives Matter t-shirt or like, or like an Israel, like a pro-Israel t-shirt?

Like, if she pushed over a political statement.

Like, like, and then she pushed it over.

Is it a much bigger deal?

I would hope that they would have the ability to say, like,

she can't read.

So.

Doesn't sound like it.

It sounds like they're holding her feet to the fire, man.

Yeah, yeah.

They are holding her up to a standard that I think might be a little high.

She just gets like an anti-Semitic.

Is that

pushing anybody?

Rainbow flag, she's pushing them.

Is it a zero tolerance thing, you think?

Could be.

Well, I think it's zero tolerance for anybody who's like, hey, I might hurt myself or I might hurt somebody else.

They're like, boom, they got to be on it.

Otherwise, everybody gets fucked in the end.

Students.

I feel like

a CYA type thing of if anything did happen in the future, we addressed it that one time.

Right.

Yeah.

Like I said.

I feel like if I ever did sprint as far as as fast as I can go, I would hurt myself, right?

Probably.

At this age.

Yeah, you have to do it slowly.

Yeah.

You know, and start training to really go out on all-out sprints.

It would probably take you like a day or two to catch up to you.

Like, sometimes when I roll my ankle or something, it takes like a day or two before I feel it.

I just, you know what I need, Walt?

I need you like at the end of Mike Tyson's punch out on the bike in front of me, riding in front of me.

I'll chase after you.

You can be my trainer.

If we can get me to a 10-minute mile, I'd be pretty happy.

It's got to be doable, right?

Oh, I absolutely

think that is so doable.

I think you can get that by the end of January.

That's a walk in a park, 10 minutes.

10 minutes, right?

No big deal?

No big deal.

I mean, that's not even sprint, not even sprinting at all, probably.

I know a girl who's been training for some time, and she just ran a nine-minute mile.

Yeah, she's a girl, though.

Yeah, that's what I took into account.

It's like, what a loser.

Would you shave your hair?

Yeah, when I did the academy,

we chopped out in nine minutes, but like we had to do it under 10.

Like, that was the graduating thing.

So, once we knew we were going to make it, we started fucking around and started pushing each other and shit.

So, I don't even know.

Maybe I could have done like an eight and a half minute mile or an eight-minute mile.

That would feel pretty good if I had that on my record.

Uh, were you in or is all of this pathetic?

Is an eight-minute mile pathetic?

No, it's nothing to sneeze at, not at all.

No, did you have the

fire gear on?

No, no, no, this was just uh PE, yeah, just running, just shorts and a t-shirt,

Not necessarily a T-shirt.

Yeah.

So, all right, all right.

I mean, you know,

it was just in a room.

It was a track meet, and it was just 20 different high schools.

So you're just in this room of youth running without a care in the world.

And

it just made me feel real bad about myself.

Oh, it's indoors?

Yeah, yeah.

Well, yeah, they didn't do it outdoors now.

It's like 40 degrees out or whatever.

So it's like a whole track meet.

Could he have been doing any track and field event, and that would have made you feel this way, or is it just running?

You're like, if he whipped a javelin or something real far, would you be like, fuck him?

His buddy did shot put, and he threw it pretty far, but I never felt like.

No, I think it's the running.

I think it's the fleet of foot because there's something about how, you know, just running that fast like an animal, you know what I mean?

There's something cool.

Yeah, like a deer or a gazelle.

And it's sustained, so you see it keep going.

It's not like, you know, the shot, put it's over in like a a second.

Like this, you just see like he's still running.

And look how, look how far he's going.

I'm going to run.

I'm going to run.

I'm going to run.

You're not going to run.

I'm out of here, guys.

You don't think I'm going to run?

I don't think you're going to run.

You were born to run.

I think this conversation is like when we tell Giddam, like, hey, this is what you got to do, A, B, and C.

And you can see in his face, there's no goddamn way he's going to do it.

No way you're going to train for an eight-minute mile.

No way.

I'm doing, I'm going to do a, what is it, 3K?

I'm going to do a 3K.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I'm going to do one because of this conversation.

Running or walking?

Or just do the 3K?

No, running.

Okay.

Running.

What's that?

What's 3K?

Get him.

Two miles?

A mile, four miles?

Ten.

All right.

Yeah, I thought 3K was like just a little bit shyer, a little bit better than three miles.

1.86 miles.

Oh, wow.

That's

not too far.

Yeah.

Yeah, I could do that.

That's like less than 20 minutes of running.

Yeah.

If I do it right, it's less than 15 minutes of running, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So 5K is just over three miles.

5K.

Yes.

5K.

Oh, wait.

5K is what everybody does, right?

5K is what people do.

Yeah.

So 5K is just over three miles.

I'm going to do a 5K.

It's coming.

Do a charity with me.

Keddam, we know I'm not doing a 5K.

Where's he going?

What's going on with this guy?

I don't know.

No, he's going in his bag.

You brought up Godzilla.

Yeah, you saw Godzilla minus one.

Yeah, and I've gotten so many emails and requests to talk about my thoughts on the new Godzilla.

Okay, give it to us.

Did anybody see it?

No.

Ry, you said.

I did not see it.

I didn't get a chance to go.

No, I wanted to go, and then I was like, fuck.

So should we wait?

Should we all go see it?

And the next time we get together, we talk about it?

Are you guys going to go see it?

I'll go see it.

If you want to talk about it, I'll go see it.

5k run or go see Godzilla?

All right, I'll hold off.

It's good.

It's worth seeing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Best word in a while?

Yeah.

It's the, like, I know Monarch is on, too.

I don't know if you guys have been watching that, the Apple series with Kurt Russell.

Yeah, I've been watching it.

You didn't like it?

I'm not loving it.

How come?

I find the dialogue to be...

I find like...

What they care about, the human interest stuff, doesn't interest me at all.

I don't care about the father.

I don't care, like, I just don't care about any of it.

I just want to see monsters.

And they keep cutting to these weepy moments between two characters I don't care about.

And I'm like, I just don't care about any of this.

Okay.

Yeah, I didn't think it was terrible, but

I think that legendary, I think that's the company that's making the new Godzilla, American Godzilla movies.

Yeah, when they see

how people have like,

you know, applauded this Godzilla Minus One, they have to be shaking in their boots right now in terms of like when they release that next Kong Godzilla movie.

And it's going to be the, it's going to be a fucking

the exact opposite in tone and direction of Godzilla Minus one.

And people are going to be like,

you know, Disney's going to be laughing and like, you fucked up.

This is what you could have had.

This is what you're getting.

Yeah.

All right.

So we'll wait on Godzilla.

Yeah, I'll definitely go see it.

Okay.

For sure.

Another big thing that happened, Q was involved in something scandalous.

Me?

Yeah.

Oh, I saw this.

That's right.

Yeah.

Big video.

I would like to put the video on Twitter for the next, or X, or whatever you want to call it.

For the next

by the time the show dropped.

Oh, I just smacked my lips, didn't I?

I got a lip-smacking problem, too.

What were we talking about?

Oh, yes, yes.

You're catfishing.

Yeah, I do.

I was sent a video by Chris Ledondo.

He was like, this is unbelievable.

I can't believe it.

Yeah,

I had a bunch of friends send it to me with a mocking mocking text every single one.

Yeah, a woman got catfished.

You saw this, Walter?

I saw this, yes.

A woman got catfished and somebody claiming to be on me online seduced her out of $13,000 that she stole from her husband's account.

Yeah.

She was having problems with her husband, I guess, initially, which I got to say seems to be like, you know, I've gone on several of these cruises.

It seems to be a common theme that like these older women are like real into the Jokers.

I think they either want to fuck them.

or take care of them.

One of the two.

They want to mommy them or they want to bang them.

Or maybe both.

I'm not even sure.

That's the best of both worlds.

Yeah, every single star, too, right?

You can get that.

But not in the body.

Can't wait to get on this boat.

But not in the body of like, you know, a woman 20 years your senior, maybe.

Like, forget them.

I mean, not forget him for

Q.

This woman was about like, what, 65 or so?

And it seemed like her life was just fucking empty.

And she discovers the Jokers.

And then she gets totally into the Jokers, specifically Q.

And

eventually somebody just contacts her out of nowhere, right?

With Q's picture.

They make these fake accounts.

I don't know why I get it more than the other guys do, but they make these fake accounts and they reach out to people.

And

people have shown up at like my house and been like, we were talking online.

Why didn't you show up at the airport to meet me?

Like it's been a thing.

And I don't know how, so much so that I've gone online on Twitter and been like, look, like, I don't talk to anybody online.

If somebody's telling you they're me,

it's not me.

Like, I've probably done that over the past, like, four years, like, three times, and been like, look, you just, and it just doesn't appear to make a difference.

But

I don't know.

I felt bad for her.

I felt more bad for her husband.

I mean, you could see at the end of the day.

I didn't feel bad for her at all.

She seemed like a garbage person.

Yeah, but like.

Just because of her MAGA hat.

Oh, the MAGA hat was funny, man.

I was like, why does she got to be wearing a fucking MAGA hat?

Like, how am I getting dragged into all this?

I have nothing to do with any of this.

The best part is,

everything is juxtaposed with that photo of your smiling face.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Like, this is the text that, you know, she says something horrible, and then it just cuts to you smiling in the picture.

So the way they

go ahead.

I said the part that really fucking made Sal laugh was like when I said I had a private jet.

Yeah.

I was like, I'll fly down in a private jet, baby, and pick you up.

Look, I know she did not do the right thing, but we all don't do the right thing from time to time.

You know what I mean?

Like, we've all been bad people from time to time, I guess, you know?

But like her face at the end, when they proved without a doubt that it wasn't me, I felt so bad.

I was like, that is a woman who just realized she fucked up so badly.

And she goes, yeah, I guess I fucked up my life.

And I was like, oh, man, I don't want to be involved in anything.

You could probably fix it.

Give her the 13 grand, Rich Millie.

Recoup her the 13 grand.

No,

that means a terrorist win.

And Q loses.

13 grand.

And it's funny because, like, it's, you know, it's some guy in some, you know, in the middle of the fucking, wherever they are.

And, like, they don't speak good English.

So the texts for me were all like misspelled and kind of fucked up.

And then she goes on the camera and goes, yeah, but, you know, on TV, he doesn't speak so good or something like that.

I think she said he has trouble with some words.

That made me laugh out loud when I was watching it.

She goes, and I figure, you know, it's probably like the New York accent.

But what's crazier about that is the people on the podcast who are interviewing this woman don't question it.

They're like, oh, okay.

Not like, well, what do you mean?

Like, you're saying that his accent translates to misspelled in broken English?

Well, they stood up for him.

They're like, he's an educated person, so he probably doesn't misspell things like that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They were giving you a lot of credit.

You're educated and accomplished and all that stuff.

But

I've read that that is a

common thing because if you can look past the misspellings, you're more than likely to be scammed.

So like that's why.

Right.

They do it on purpose.

Yeah.

So like, oh, if they're okay with me not speaking correctly, then they'll probably fall for something else.

Yeah, she got catfished by me.

I thought it was funny, like, Boris is in the video.

There's a picture of Boris.

My cousins are in the video with me.

I sent it to my cousins.

I was like, check it out, boys.

You're famous.

Oh, I felt so bad.

I don't know, man.

She wanted to believe it so desperately, like, like the Channing Tatum thing.

You know, and you're like, you got to be careful, baby.

And like, you holding up a sign that is obviously,

obviously said something else.

Like,

is that the biggest mistake of your life holding up that sign so people could write in whatever they wanted to do?

It was a fucking AMA thing I did like 10 years ago, and I'm like, motherfucker.

And then, like,

that was the only proof.

Because they wrote her name on the sign, whatever her name was, like, all of my friends know her name because it was on the sign.

So they just, they, I forget her name, Terry or whatever.

They're like,

how's Terry doing?

Sherry, whatever.

They're like, how's Sherry doing?

And I'm like, I don't know.

Like, I'm just getting all these texts because everybody I know is a a ball buster, right?

Of course.

So it's like, it's all I'm hearing.

I feel if she had listened to more TSD, she would have seen through this scam because she would know that Q doesn't have a private chat, but he will pay the extra money to get upgraded to first class.

Yeah.

Or at least I can't.

Sometimes

sometimes.

Yeah.

Last time I flew to LA,

the first class ticket was twice as much, so I flew steering.

So I'm definitely not doing private planes.

The only time I was, you know, the the whole time I watched it, I'm like complete and utter bullshit.

But then when she said, though, that you told her that you had tax problems, I was like, oh, shit.

Is there a chance this could be

this could be cute?

Yeah, I owed like $800,000 in taxes and I need $13,000 from her.

I feel bad.

I don't, I, dude, like, it's very weird to be in this position.

Like, I, I, like, when I was watching that video,

I was like, I, it, you, I felt responsible, even though I'm not.

Like, I felt bad, even though it was like,

it was such a bizarre feeling to be in my shoes

while I was watching that.

And then all my friends making fun of me, like, kind of made it better, you know what I mean, a little bit?

Yeah.

But it was weird.

It was a weird thing.

I felt really, really, like, I don't want people using my

face to rip off ladies.

Like, that's horrible.

But you supposedly also censor $162,000

extra see that part I believe though because I think what they were doing was they were and it makes it so much more believable Yeah to launder the money.

Yeah

So you can see how a person who's like maybe a little boomerish might be like well if he's giving me entrusting me with all this money.

Yeah,

then

surely

this is real.

Yeah.

But it's just

like like if suddenly somebody out of nowhere, like, you know, like suddenly John 5 contacts me or some celebrity that I'm a fan of, and they're like, hey, man, can you put all this money into your bank account and then fucking redistribute it to these people?

I'd be like, um,

is this is this real John 5?

Although I can see, like,

look, if Pam got a fucking message from Josh Groban, I can't say 100%

that she wouldn't be stealing 13 grand from Edgar.

It's

I can't say for sure.

She got beaned before with the fucking tax people and the green dock cards.

Yeah, yeah.

I like it.

Yeah.

Years ago.

Yeah, I know somebody with Google Play cards.

Google Play?

Yeah.

But that was because it was the

like

almost a perfect scenario where they had gotten a letter from the IRS recently.

Same thing with my mother's.

They actually did have some tax issues.

Yeah.

So when the tax people called up, she got all scared.

Yeah, yeah.

But you can find that information.

That's public information.

So, like, if you have a lien or you have that kind of thing, like, people can look that up and then go from there.

And then the, oh, yeah, because, and then the spoofing of phone numbers, you know, yeah, it's just so you can't believe shit, people.

And this, and in the scenario I know of, they were on the phone.

They went to the police station while the scammers were on the phone, handed the phone over to the cops, and they were scammers were telling the cops that they were the police.

You know, the only celebrity you should believe if they're asking for money is Walt Flanagan, and that's to join Patreon.

Yeah, join that Patreon.

Go on,

get up there.

Why don't you?

Where you get the Christmas episodes?

Christmas episodes.

You get the TSD Christmas.

You get the Sunday Jeff Christmas.

You get the Frank.

It's all about Frank Christmas special.

Am I missing anything?

Yeah, just too many to list.

Get them.

Too many Christmas specials.

All available on Patreon.

Starts at $5.

If she didn't rip off her husband,

I probably would have been tempted to

try and raise the money for her or give her some money.

But the fact that she ripped off her husband for it is like,

you can't really, like, you don't want to be the guy that rushes.

You don't want to part with your own money.

I felt bad for her.

But it was like funny.

She's like, you can't get it up and shit like that.

That's when she really lost me, when she started exposing her husband.

He was looking at jerking off the porn.

That's what I said.

He was looking at at porno.

So I don't think it's

the only one.

You know, we all look at porno sometimes.

You got it.

It's out there.

Oh, my favorite part of it was like, and I keep sending, there's like a screen cap where it's like a picture of me smiling with that dopey fucking look on my face.

And next to it, it says, my managers are so annoying.

Because he was telling her that, like, my managers read my texts and read my monitor my phone calls and keep an eye on my bank account and read my emails and uh

and uh I'm like, in what world am I would that happen?

So I keep sending that to my managers now.

I'm like, you guys are so annoying.

But it was, it was horrible.

It actually, like, my first reaction wasn't like, this is funny.

My first reaction was like, oh, this is, I feel really bad that I'm involved in this in any way, shape, or form.

That was my first reaction.

But then, you know, after a full 48 hours of people doing nothing but making fun of me for it, I started to see, you know, the humor in a little bit.

But I just feel you see her face at the end, man.

They were trying to be delicate.

Yeah.

And like, you just can't come out right and say you're an idiot.

You're an idiot.

I know.

I know.

What's the cutoff age where people are aware that this kind of shit is going on?

Like, I guess there is no cutoff age because the show Catfish shows that tons of people get catfished.

Like young people.

Yeah, but there's something about the financial.

Yeah, I guess you're right because I know a girl that gave like $10,000 to some guy.

What the fuck country was he in?

To have him come here to meet after talking online for like a year.

And

she did not ever see that money again, and she never met the dude.

Oh, geez.

And she's like in her 30s.

So I think people's hearts just get

caught up in it, I guess.

You get caught up in it.

Like, if you're like, you got to think, like, yes,

is that lady Sherry or whatever her name is?

Is she gullible?

Is she a dummy?

Sure.

But primarily, she's probably lonely.

And

that's why she attaches herself to the Jokers.

Shannon Tatum.

Well, no, she attaches herself to the Joker because of the high-quality programming.

High-quality entertainment, good guys,

non-threatening gentlemen.

You know what I mean?

Like, that's why.

It's funny stuff.

Yeah.

Why do you think it is cute?

Like, why not Murr?

Does Merr not look as trustworthy?

Does he look too

his share of people trying to scam

in his name as well, probably?

Because Murray's married, you know what I mean?

And like,

he's so publicly with Melissa all the time.

I don't know.

I don't know.

But I wish it would stop.

I wish these, they do it all the time.

Like, I have to tell Twitter to take down these accounts and stuff like that all the time because people are like, when that woman showed up at my house, I never talked about it on the air, but I felt like that was when I was like, this is getting out of control.

Cause she was just like, Is he home?

I know he's home.

We were supposed to meet at the airport.

Is this your new place or your old place?

Old place.

This is one of the things that I was like, oh, time to go.

Yeah, but like, at the, you know, just

there's the scary part of seeing it happen and being involved, even

you know,

in the tangent of them using my face.

But then there's that thing of like, I just feel so bad for them that

I want it to stop.

Make it stop, Brian.

Make it stop.

I need Sage to go around and push some people for me.

Yeah, man.

Discipline a couple people.

Yeah, it was freaky.

Yeah.

So

that's the latest.

So LaDondo sent it to you, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, he sent it to me, Troy.

He was laughing.

That's one of the things that I realized it was in you because you were like, come to New York and live in my mansion.

And I was like, he would never call it New York.

It's Staten Island forever.

I wouldn't call my house a mansion either.

Don't have a private jet.

All these things.

I want to be this version of me, actually.

Seducing some older ladies for like a,

you know, it sounds nice.

Why not?

Yeah, if they're sending you 13 grand to help with your quote-unquote taxes, you know?

Yeah.

They're keeping my annoying managers off like that.

Helping you buy crypto.

Oh, my God.

It's a crypto scam.

It's insane.

I just feel so bad for Leigh.

I wonder what's.

You almost want to get her on telemed Steve Dave and just be like.

I don't think it would be that difficult.

You don't think so?

No, I think we.

If you want me to look into it.

No, I do not.

I do not want to be involved.

All right.

On the front page of the Asbury Park Press said someone who just got busted for the grandmother scam.

What's the grandmother scam?

They call up and pretend that

they're representing your grandchild, and they've been arrested, and you've got to send a money order or something to get them out of jail.

We really got to luck out and get the right person that has a grandchild because if they called one of us,

true.

But

I used to listen to a podcast, and the host was reading a story about this kind of stuff, and he didn't believe it.

And he just went through the phone book, found somebody with an old-sounding name.

I think it was like Dolores or something, and called it up with the,

you know, the mask number.

And the old lady answered the phone.

He's like, hey, grandma.

And she's like, who's this?

It's like, it's your favorite grandson.

And she just instantly gives out a name and it's like that's how

yeah and so it's that that's how easy it is to start you know get getting this information for these people and then you know if they believe it's you then yeah oh yeah i'm in trouble you know i i got caught doing something i shouldn't have done and i need bail to get bailed out it's just it's it's crazy maybe that's what's going on with you and sage at school brian this is the start of a uh

of a scam of some sort.

You think so?

They're trying to scam me?

The whole school?

I don't think so.

I actually forgot about, I forgot about the whole thing with that woman until you brought it up, and now my mind's like kind of going again.

Look at it.

It's happening every day to tons of people.

They just, you know, there's nothing you can do about it.

They stole your image.

You should be hunting down this.

Right.

I'm the fucking real victim.

I am the victim here.

Has anyone here ever watched the videos where they scam the scammers?

Oh, yeah.

They're so long, though.

They're fun to watch, but it's like, why does this have to be an hour and 20 minutes?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can't you just like distill it down to the very, like, to the best parts?

Yeah.

Well, you can usually, if you're watching on YouTube, there's like a graph at the bottom.

Oh, that shows like where the most.

The most replayed, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, like when they, yeah, when they make, when they want them to

give them gift cards and they redeem the gift cards, and they're like, no, you cannot.

Why are you redeeming gift cards?

Yeah, they got very what would you guys?

What's your reaction if it was me?

Like, I was talking to the woman like that, and I did scam her out of 13 grand.

What's this episode look like if I get arrested?

You get arrested?

I mean, look, I'm not holding it against you.

You're my boy.

But we got to talk about it.

We got to figure out, look, dude, what the fuck?

Why are you giving her hundreds of thousands of dollars to convert to crypto?

Like, what are you in on?

And why am I in?

I got tax problems, man.

I got tax problems.

Now you guys know why I hate taxes so fucking much.

They got me over a barrel.

You're annoying messages.

The first thing I do is I call Sexy Lawyer and I'm like,

we need your help.

Yeah.

And,

you know, then probably you got to meet with him.

So he gets a win out of it.

Now he gets to meet with Sexy Lawyer who knows.

Oh, he's seen it.

He's coming in January.

Is he going to come by?

Yeah, he's come to these tutorials.

Oh, that's right.

You were saying that.

You were saying that you're concerned that maybe you guys oversold him even.

No.

No?

Oh, you're saying no, get him?

No.

No.

All right.

No.

Yeah, he's going to come into the studio and do an episode of TSD.

It's like chiseled marble.

But that's the first thing I do.

If I find out, though, that you just got arrested for scamming old ladies, you know, I would call him.

I don't know, you know, and he would probably have to recommend

a criminal lawyer.

I got my uncle who got my father off murder charges.

I think he's still practicing.

Yeah, but he couldn't get you out of a parking ticket, as I recall his last case.

Moving violation.

Yeah,

I'm going to need a better lawyer than that.

Just tell him Steve Dave.

How old is he?

I got to figure that Impractical Jokers ends, right?

Impractical Jokers is over.

Yeah, that will probably be.

Just tell him Steve Dave continue after a brief hiatus.

I think so.

I think you could overcome that.

You could bounce back.

Yeah.

How?

A lot of apologies.

Apology tour.

Go to rehab for something.

You got to return the money and then some with interest.

Yeah.

Maybe marry, maybe marry the woman you scammed.

I was going to suggest apologize.

You're like, or an honest woman.

We assume he's just scamming one person.

I think he's probably scamming a bunch.

Oh, you think that's not the only lady?

Oh, yeah.

I think if he's.

Yeah, you got to come clean and tell us the truth if it's just one or there's a harem of blue-haired ampes that

you've got on the ball.

My thing is, like, they're going to be dead soon anyway.

That money's got to go somewhere.

Why not give a little thrill on the way out the door, you know?

Yeah,

I don't know how we could address it.

I mean, obviously, I think we'd address it privately first and then come up with a plan for the show.

But I'm like, dude, what the?

I'm like, I don't know, dude.

I get lonely sometimes, and I was just in my house with the computer, and she reached out to me, and

I just felt there was something there at first.

And then

you were telling me you really felt that you were like this old old lady.

I'm like, just skip the bullshit.

Just tell me really why you did it.

She was interested in me, not the famous me, me, myself.

She felt that's the fame.

Yeah, and no one else, no one else has done that.

Yeah, and I think the scammer me had like, the scammer me had like, he'd used heart emojis and shit like that, which I'm so against.

That's how anybody could tell it's not me, but I was,

yeah, man, it was something.

But I don't know.

I kind of want to, do I have the freedom now to go on the cover and scam people?

Because now nobody will think it's me.

Yeah.

Right?

He's got a point.

And now you know all the tricks, too, because you can find out what you heard what the scammer did, so that they sh they proved it wasn't you.

So you got to get a Google voice number, you got to,

you know, talk not so good.

And uh,

I think the sad thing is, even though there's probably a lot of uh

IJ viewers who watch that video,

if you were to show up or somebody was to contact them, I still think that they would still be like,

even though they would, against better judgment, they'd be like, it might really be BQ.

Right.

You know, there's that level of

desperation out there that it might, they overlook it.

So, yeah, I'm sure you could make a

healthy run before you get caught.

Before you're on a plane to

Brazil, wherever they go and hide.

His private jet.

Rio de Janeiro.

Like a Nazi on the run of just hanging out in Brazil.

Suitcases with little dollar bills sticking out of the edges.

Oh, my God.

Holy shit.

Hey, how many people...

I meant to ask this last week because

the crew's coming up.

How many people from Tell him Steve Dave Town are coming?

Because it seems like an impressive, like, we're going to have to do something on the boat with just tell him Steve Dave.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

Um,

because now you tell me Jimmy the hair guy's coming, Jimmy the Hair guy's coming, Troy is coming, Ming is coming.

Um,

who else do we got?

I mean, aside from all the ants, of course, which there are yeah, yeah, yeah, it seemed like there were a bunch coming, which is pretty cool,

yeah,

yeah.

You're gonna get your fill, man.

You're gonna get your fill on this cruise of Tell him Steve Dave people for sure.

Jimmy the Hair guy told me he's gonna hang around with me constantly because he's all nervous and shit.

What's he nervous about?

I think meeting people like Steve-O and Steve-O's going to beat her?

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Steve-O is going to be on the boat.

No, he won't be following you as soon as he meets Steve-O.

Yeah, why does he have to- Steve-O befriends him, yeah.

Why does Jimmy the Hair Guy think he's going to meet Steve-O?

I think because I told him people usually meet everybody on the boat anyway.

So

Jimmy the Hair Guy.

Oh, you think Steve-O is going to be sequestered?

Uh-oh, Jimmy the Hair Guy.

This might be some bad news for you.

Ah, shit.

Fuck.

But if you could facilitate that cue, he is a massive

jackass fan.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

He was showing us his collection of t-shirts.

Yeah.

Just jackass t-shirts he has.

He's a fanatic.

Oh, I got it.

That's his favorite.

That's his favorite form of entertainment, even more so than the clown posse and TSD.

Collecting hair.

Wow.

Well, I love.

All right.

I'll make it happen for Jimmy the Hair Guy.

I just did him dirty recently.

You did.

You did, yeah.

I did him really dirty.

dirty sent him 165 000 and uh

told him to put it into his bank account and then distribute it maybe the hair guy's investing in krueger ends right now

no we recorded something the other day where i kind of broke his heart a little bit um so you can make up for a little bit if you if you can get him uh a sit-down with steve-o

like only an hour or two yeah

i'll make it happen i'll make it happen that's gonna happen i got i i owe jimmy the hair guy something after what i did to him the other day he'll be happy to hear that.

All right, good.

Let me read something to you guys very quickly.

We're talking about a new sponsor.

New.

New.

Factor.

Probably wondering what's Factor.

I am wondering what Factor is.

This bustling holiday season, you might be looking for nutritious, flavorful meals to fuel you on jam-packed days.

Factor America's number one ready-to-eat meal delivery service.

Factor, comma.

America's number one ready-to-eat meal delivery service can help you eat well for breakfast, lunch, dinner with chef-prepared, dietitian-approved, ready-to-eat meals delivered straight to your door.

I like ready-to-eat.

I know.

It's the best, isn't it?

Like, you don't have to wait and shit.

It's such a pain.

Staring at the microwave as it spins.

You'll save time and stay on track with your healthy lifestyle while tackling all your holiday to-dos.

Listen up, Q, because you might want to go to Factor for your training program now.

Now that you're a run-in man.

I already forgot about that conversation.

Cross-meal prepping off your list this holiday season with Factor.

Skip the meal planning, grocery shopping, chopping, prepping, and cleaning up, and get Factor's fresh, never-frozen meals delivered to your door.

They're ready in just two minutes, so all you have to do is heat and enjoy.

Treat yourself to high-quality, delicious meals over the holidays.

Choose from 35 chef-crafted meals every week that support a healthy lifestyle and meet your meal preferences.

Whether it's calorie smart, vegan and veggie, protein plus, and more wholesome options.

And if you're looking for calorie-conscious options over the holidays, that's what I'm doing, Q.

I'm trying to thin down for this crew so when I'm on stage, I don't look like a giant blob.

Don't capsize the boat.

I don't want to skimp on flavor.

I tried delicious dietitian approved Cali Smart Meals with around 550 calories or less per serving.

That is not bad.

No, that's not bad.

That's pretty low.

Yeah.

If you need an extra boost to support your wellness goals or feel your best during the holidays, try Protein Plus with 30 grams of protein or more per serving.

Builds those muscles.

Right.

With Factor, you can rest assured you're making sustainable choice.

And they offset 100% of delivery emissions and source 100% newable electrician for their production sites and offices if that means something to you.

Oh, every little bit helps.

Every little bit helps.

Yep.

So this December, get factor and enjoy eating well without the hassle.

Simply choose your meals and enjoy fresh, flavor-packed meals delivered to your door, ready in just two minutes.

No prep, no mess.

Head to Factor.

Yeah, the no prep, no mess is awesome.

So head to factormeals.com/slash TESD50 and use code TESD50 to get 50% off.

That's code TESD50 at factormeals.com/slash TES50.

Damn it.

Sorry.

T-E-S-D-50 to get 50%

off.

All right.

I saw this.

I thought this was pretty strange.

There was a, these people got married, right?

That's really strange.

Let me see if I can find the.

Game over, man.

You know what I mean?

Just put a lock on it.

I had it in my photos here.

I mean, let me just do it from memory then because I can't fucking find the little article.

But so these people get married and the husband secretly invites a person

who received...

Let me see if I can make this straight for everybody.

So the woman had a child who died

before they got married.

She got married to this other guy.

So the guy takes it upon himself to

invite the person who received the child's heart in an organ transplant.

Okay.

Now, I saw this on Instagram on Good News Dog.

It's like one of the good news

accounts.

Now, to me, I thought that was awfully strange.

Like, if I had a child and that child died and, you know, they harvested his or her organs

and somebody got the heart,

I don't think I want to be reminded of that on my wedding day.

Is there a history

with the two of them?

How do do you mean?

Like, have they met with this

person before?

I don't believe so.

No.

Oh, okay.

No.

I can't see taking it upon

myself to do it without telling my bride.

Like, that seems like a weird thing to spring on someone on their wedding day.

Like, if she knew and she's like, I think that's a great idea, let's invite him.

That's one thing.

But to just be like, ta-da.

Yeah, it was her son.

Yeah.

Groom surprises bride with organ donor recipient who received her son's heart.

Liked by 736,000 people.

It says a heartwarming, wholesome video.

Heartwarming.

Okay.

Yeah, that's a strange choice of words, right?

The bride was overjoyed.

Well, that's how it gets to the news then, because if it went south, I'm sure

the news isn't picking it up then.

Right, right.

It'd be a heartbreaking story then.

It would be on Too Bad Dog if that was the case.

But yeah,

I mean, I can see it.

I've seen, I don't know, I've read the ones where

the person gets the heart, and then they'll record the heartbeat and put that in a teddy bear or something, and then gift that to the

so that they can always hear their child's heartbeat.

Oh, my God!

That sounds horrible, too.

I don't think it's as bad as inviting him to a wedding.

It's strange, though, right?

Yeah, anything to do with

your dead kid?

Like, yeah.

Unless she had expressed something.

Or these people who get who they have pets and they, like, I saw this thing where, like, they make a pet that's supposed to look exactly like your pet, and then they have all these videos of people opening up the package when it comes, and it's like, oh, my God, it's so-and-so.

It's a stuffed animal.

It's a stuffed animal that looks like their deceased pet.

So, like, Benjamin Cat, you could have gotten a cat that, you know,

black cat, that's pretty easy to do, but like, they do custom work where, you know, it's supposed to look exactly like your pet.

And I saw a couple of them, and I'm like, eh, I mean, kind of, a little bit, you know.

That's a dicey.

I mean, I mean, like, you know, I lost, I lost my two cats in the fire.

And,

like, it's people try to be nice and send you something with their pictures on it.

And it's like, don't want to be reminded.

I'm not forgetting them.

They are not forgotten at all.

And just sometimes it's, it's, you know, it's just the, you know, the wrong time to open it up.

And you're like, oh, okay.

Yeah.

I appreciate the the thought it's I understand it it's just

yeah it's not always the right thing

I don't know you're right Walt yeah you look relaxed today yeah hey really quiet a little chill and quiet and calm I'm a little bummed out are you yeah I was told that

I don't look sketchy enough for people to offer me drugs

now you came in without a hat for the first time in a while you look plenty sketchy.

They said to me that actually I give off such strong narc

vibes

and square vibes that like, you know, that's why you never get offered drugs.

And I've just been kind of down because I was like, well, what, what am I, why do I look like such a nerd that like, because we found out that there's somebody in the plaza, pretty big drug dealer.

In the plaza.

In the plaza.

Okay.

Or an a legend.

And I was like, wow, he's never, ever offered me drugs.

And Ginnam was like, that's because you look like a Norc and you're a fucking square.

And

you give up these vibes that you're just like the most

square

stick up your ass

dude ever.

And I've just been kind of like down.

That's under his wife.

According to his wife, he doesn't look like a square or a nork, as well as Frank Five.

Frank Five

Square in a Norc.

He drugs a cop car.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You gotta, you gotta, you gotta switch up your look a little bit, Walt.

You gotta get a little extra.

You know, I'm gonna cultivate a new, a new vibe because, you know, even though I don't want drugs, there's no, like, but it's like, it's nice to be offered drugs, though.

Like, you still have like one of the cool guys at the plaza.

You're not the guy that, like, you know, people are flushing their fucking fit, their stash down the toilet if I walk in the store.

5-0, 5-0, 5-0.

Rise up, rise up.

It really bummed me out, though, that I'd like to hear that I was this kind of like

so

vanilla that like there's not a chance any,

not even the most desperate drug dealer would offer me drugs, apparently.

And I said he has to learn the lingo a little.

I don't need the money.

I said he's got to learn the lingo a little.

People drop hints.

They'll know that.

What the fuck?

Did he offer you drugs, Get him?

What the fuck?

No, no, no.

He didn't offer me drugs.

So there's no way you look like square.

You look like you've, you know, dabbled in, I mean, at least meth, I guess.

I don't know.

I got the teeth for it.

That is true.

So, I don't think that's what drug dealers do, though.

I don't think they don't size you up constantly and be like, well, this guy's a potential customer.

I think they might size you up, but I don't think it depends on how often do you run into this person?

Like, is this a daily thing?

Is it Ron?

No, no, no.

I don't give a,

I will neither confirm or deny it's a he or she.

Okay.

And, but

we only heard about this second.

This is gossip around the plaza, right?

Okay.

We don't know if he really does or she does.

But when I did find out, I was just like, holy shit, I talked to that motherfucker.

A lot and I've never, he's never fucking offered me anything.

So it's definitely a he then.

Like, why?

What's wrong with me?

And then I was told that

I look like Andy Griffith, basically.

Or Barney Fife.

Yeah.

Or fucking Mr.

Fucking Mr.

Rogers in fucking Adidas sweatpants.

That's basically.

I disagree with you, Giddam.

He's got the shaggy hairdo now.

He's always in track pants and a sweatshirt.

Like, what?

It's not like he's in a three-piece suit if you caught him.

Because when you first heard about this, your first thought was to go down to the police station

and try to see if they wanted you to get it into the organization so that you could bring it down from the inside.

That was your first thought.

Only because they fucking froze me out.

And I was like, all right, then I'll bring it down then.

You're not going to offer me drugs.

I'll bring this fucking,

I'll expose all this shit then for not at least including the CD underbelly of Airport Plaza.

You were like Stephen Shemmy in that sketch, but he's like, hello, fellow kids.

It's like the departed to Airport Plaza.

Yeah, so I've been kind of like

trying to change it up a little bit.

I thought maybe being quiet and brooding

might be like the sign of somebody who's into drugs or into the seedy side of life.

So all the listeners now are like, damn, is Walt on drugs?

Yeah.

You made it to the podcast to be quiet.

Great plan.

Well, there's something really wrong with him.

Right.

Yeah.

I think he's on drugs.

He's either on drugs or they suggest he moves the office again.

It's one of the others.

You need to like

drop hints.

BQ, how often are you offer drugs when you're out and about?

Like even if it's just like, you know, recreational drugs, not hard.

Do you consider like marijuana?

Yeah, definitely.

Yeah, I get off of that fairly often.

Bri?

Almost never.

Although

when I was in New York, Troy and I were walking down the street once, and some guy's like, yo, Coke, Coke.

See?

And Troy goes, when I'm by myself, he goes, nobody offers me drugs.

Never.

That's what I'm talking about.

Nothing.

I get nothing.

I get no, like, nobody pays attention to me in this fucking.

It's like, look, if I'm a drug dealer, that's an awfully risky way to get new clientele is to be like, any chance you want drugs?

Give me the card.

Like, I think you have to sort of like like you go in you talk to this person and you're like depending on what they're dealing like let's say they're dealing painkillers you you know you're just like my god my fucking knee has been killing me you know just bring it up and then like you just sort of like oh like i did with frank five and i would be like my like i have a knee i have a stomach ache and or i have a or my right shoulder hurts and i'm that means for him to look over so there's okay yeah yeah

i would never ever let's say i was looking for drugs though i would never just randomly ask somebody, like a shopkeep.

I was like, you wouldn't happen to know where I can get drugs.

I assume that

that's on the drug dealer.

Like, they have to make the first move.

No, I think what you have to do is you sort of have to intimate that that's what you're looking for.

You're looking for it.

Like, maybe you heard her.

But how insulting is that, though?

If they're not drug dealers?

Yeah.

Well, if you're like, oh, man, my knees kill me and they're not biting.

Or you're like, you know, you throw out a couple, oh, man, I wish I had some weed on me so I could get high.

Oh, well, I got some of of that basically i'm like coming on yeah you're coming on super strong

man my dealer's been charging me so much for

lately i wish i could find somebody selling it a little cheaper

but he's the only dealer in mayberry so i don't know what you're supposed to do

damn otis

so finesse so for this is what we got going on brian's gonna lose a bunch of weight i'm gonna run an eight-minute mile, and Walt's going to develop a drug habit.

These appear to be our New Year residents.

No, no, it's the look of someone who has a drug habit.

I don't actually want to dabble.

I just want to be flattered enough to be like, oh, no, no, dude.

I don't do drugs

when they offer it to me.

Thank you for asking.

Yeah, but

thanks for thinking I look hip enough that I would be.

Thanks for letting me ascend back to my high horse.

A beam of light comes down and

reach just pulls walls up.

I'm whole again.

The horse is back in the stable.

Oh, I'm going to get you one of those drug rug ponchos.

Oh, that's a good idea.

We have one in the back.

Yeah, we have one already.

I have one.

We should make official Telephe Dave drug rugs, man.

Except the ones that look like, you know, where you get them at East Meets West.

Yes.

Yeah, exactly.

Dr.

Coba

or something, yeah.

Yeah, they made it like burlap or whatever shit they made out of

wheel hemp.

So that's all you need, though, is just the tire?

Because I gotta ditch it.

I ditch a pretty big sign.

I gotta ditch the Tom Brady stuff.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, you look like you're on the.

And I do know you're wearing.

Are you wearing a Brady hoodie right now?

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So you look like right now you're on the quest for excellence.

Excellent drugs.

Well, no.

Nobody's going to see a Tom Brady fan and think that guy

really

walked through.

So

you think that everybody in Boston who

was a Pats fan was fucking straight edge?

I'm assuming, yeah, no.

Is that not how it works?

No, that's a little Pollyanna-esque to think that everybody who's into football who doesn't dabble in the...

I think that's wearing a Brady jersey.

You're wearing a Brady sweatshirt.

Which is better, right?

It's not the same as a jersey.

But that's better.

So you're putting yourself at a higher level versus the lower level, which is where your druggies are.

I got to work on it.

That's my New Year's resolution: to get offered more drugs by strangers.

Okay.

Well, you know what's going to happen now, right?

What, all the ants are going to be offering me drugs?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, just know,

I might be a narc, too, though.

So

undercover.

He shaved his chest so he could tape the water to it and not have to get it ripped off.

God willing, nobody will hear this in the plaza because everyone will be looking out for you now.

What do you mean?

So here comes the narrative.

If he tells on people for drugs, who knows what else?

Like, I didn't charge him sales tax.

Maybe you were telling me for that, you know?

All right, all right.

Well, go for it, man.

See what happens.

I mean, if it makes you feel any better, I don't get offered drugs just randomly.

Yeah, but you look like you would, like,

have them around.

You've been asked plenty.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Like, yeah, they're like, why would I ask this guy?

He clearly has drugs on him.

Now, when you talk about, when you're saying drugs, are you talking about legal stuff, like marijuana, or are you talking about harder stuff?

I just don't want them to, like, I just want to be

offered or even

in play a little bit, you know, rather than just constantly frozen out of the reindeer games,

just invite it to

the seedy underbelly of

the fast life, the fast lane.

Of Airport Plaza.

You want me to bring my volcano?

No, I don't want to.

I do not want to party.

We can hotbox.

We could hotbox the studio out, man.

Got no smoke detectors in here.

You just want to look cool enough.

I don't.

You don't want to be ruled out.

Yeah, I just don't want to be automatically

stricken or deemed uncool.

If someone starts a rumor that you're selling, you want people to believe it and not just absolutely dismiss it.

What do I got to do to

facilitate?

So the rumor is that I am the drug dealer.

You got to move it up.

You got to get a four times your normal pace that you are right now.

You got to go at a little bit more hopped-up pace.

Yeah, like banging up doors and running trash bags.

Maybe sell some more counterfeit stuff.

I'm going to do it.

Just like you're going to run that for that 2K?

Yeah, yeah.

5K, 5K.

Like when you get out of your car, you got to look around.

You got to look all like you're suspicious at all times.

Yeah.

The door looks both ways.

Okay.

Carry brown paper bags around.

Should I offer up socks for drugs?

An elderly dog.

I mean, that reeks of desperation.

I mean, actually, that might work in your favor.

It's like, God, this guy really wants drugs.

A beloved family pet.

my dog's hips got sore.

I wonder if he could give me some ketamine for that.

Before you guys get back from the cruise, I hope to report that I have been offered something.

Okay.

Yeah.

Legitimately, not somebody coming into the general store going, hey, you want some drugs?

Yeah, exactly.

So I'm going to have to put a disguise on it.

Wait outside your street for me to walk in socks one night.

All right.

Yeah, well, that's pretty much all I have this week.

I do have an article about somebody getting peed on.

Again?

Yeah.

I didn't know.

Yeah, it wasn't Trump this time.

On purpose or like an accidental pee?

Well, a guy named David Butts allegedly opened fire on a woman after he paid her to pee on him.

Okay.

Pennsylvania man paid a woman $300 to pee on him, then opened fire on her for stealing his wallet while he was still soaking in her urine.

$300?

Wow.

I fucked up.

Well, man,

I'll start pissing on people for $300.

bucks.

That's not bad, right?

Fuck no.

Wow.

Open your mouth.

I got a payload.

Open up.

Open wide.

Open up, sweetheart.

It's coming.

This is cash, right?

Cash?

All right, let's do that.

Cash money.

She was paid to perform the golden shower in a bathtub of a York Days Inn around 5 a.m.

and then stole the wallet while he was still in the tub after, I guess she stole the wallet and ran out to the car.

And then

he says he panicked when he saw her reaching under the seat to pull out something dark from under her seat.

And

he shot at her.

So he was soaking in urine and still had his gun on him.

I guess so.

I guess he had his gun

in the hotel room.

Cops found a bullet hole in the vehicle's doorframe and a nine-millimeter cartridge in the parking lot.

He denied shooting at her, but then when they found the gun and the cartridge, he got busted.

But he was charged with multiple counts of assault, reckless dangerment, and patronizing a prostitute.

Now,

I thought it's illegal to get peed on or to pay to get peed on.

I guess pay to get peed on?

Well, it's certainly illegal to fire your gun after you're not healthy.

Yeah, well,

we all know that.

If you properly phrased it, that could be a health thing.

Like, it's good for your skin.

Good for your skin or good for your face.

Do you believe in its purities and impurities or its benefits?

Restorative benefits.

I remember hearing that, yeah, like the first urine.

A sexy lawyer could get that guy off.

Probably.

It's the gun.

While he pees on him.

Yeah, it's the

sexy lawyer could get that guy off while he pees on him.

But the thing is, you got to shut up.

You can't try to explain yourself to the cops because that's when you fall into that pit.

Yeah.

Get him.

If a girl that you were in love with wanted to pee on you,

what do you do?

Ooh.

There's got to be a long discussion about this.

She's like, get in the tub, bitch.

What's the discussion?

I want to piss on you.

Okay, like, where?

On me.

You know where.

It's got to be in the face.

Yeah,

the face, the beard.

The beard.

Yeah, the hair, the eyes.

Yeah.

She's a little dehydrated, so it's dark.

You're saying no?

You're saying you want to watch it.

No, she's drank water.

She's going to make it pleasant for you.

She's drank a lot of water.

As pleasant as it could be, I guess.

In the face, no.

No.

And also, how soon after can I take a shower?

A week.

Another shower.

You want you to stink boy?

Yeah.

Yeah, you're in the shower.

So you could, like, right after you guys are finished.

Well, this guy's apparently.

This guy was apparently soaking.

So, like, that's what they said.

He was soaked in your life.

Like, I don't know if she wants me to soak.

I'm not.

Yeah.

That's

like, you know,

I've been semi-peed on in the shower before because, you know,

you take you take a pee in the shower.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.