#579: TESD Angels

Oh, I gotta give him the handy.

Yeah, you gotta get those balls off, bro.

Get him off before he starts coming all over things.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell Hem, Steve, Dave.

I am here with Walt.

Chillo.

And I am here with a BQ.

Hello.

And in the wings, hoping to come up to the big times is get him, Steve, Dave.

How y'all stanking?

Yeah.

Keep him as as quiet as possible, I think.

I think so.

Let's kill that mic.

Yeah, just

pot it down, all the way down.

Stop charging.

Walt,

stop charging.

Thank you.

I came in with

big plans to talk about Thanksgiving, you know, like, what did we do?

Something must have happened.

So I'm really relying on you guys because nothing happened for me.

What do you mean?

The Johnson family holiday without any stories?

No, not a one.

Woof.

Not a one.

No, no, everybody got along.

Everything was fine.

Wow.

How was the turkey fryer?

Turkey went well.

I mean, personally, I'm happy for you, but it's disastrous for the show.

I was thinking the same thing.

I was like, should I have started something just

provocatively?

Just something to talk about.

Yeah.

You should just

went on a rant about somebody breaking something, you know, and you knew it, you know, and just accusing everybody.

Yeah.

Accusing somebody of touching your stuff.

You know, this always happens.

This bullshit always happens.

Like, I'm not talking to anyone directly, just like you're walking and storming around and ranting.

I invite you people into my home, and this is how you treat me.

This is my house.

Mine.

It's just like mid-turkey chew looking at you.

Let's set him off now.

Yeah, but there was nothing to report back of no.

And I've watched a couple podcasts now where people are talking about their Thanksgiving.

Yeah.

And some are pretty boring.

And you need drama.

If you're on a podcast and you want to talk about Thanksgiving,

drama helps.

If there's no bumps in the road,

it's really boring to talk about

we just had a good time.

Yeah, it's great.

Who cares?

That sounds like it sucks.

And it did suck, if you're wondering.

So I'm really hoping somebody argued at the the Flanagan household.

Oh, no, there was no argument.

No, it was fun because

my wife, I got to give it up to her for the idea that she has collected over the course of the years so many gift cards from parents who give her

for the students.

So she had all these Starbucks.

We don't go to Starbucks.

She had all these Dunker donuts.

I mean, I can't even tell you last time I was in Dunkin' Donuts.

You could sell them online.

You know what?

Damn it.

Some pawn star, pawn pawn shops buy them.

There you go.

But she had the bright idea that we were going to have this big game with everybody.

You know, we had 12 people in the house, and the winning team, we'd split up into six on six, and the winning team was going to get this stack of gift cards, and nobody knew what the gift cards were.

And she even sprinkled in there's a target one in there,

and she didn't even know what the, what the, what the amount was?

The amounts were.

And And so, like, that really

makes the game different.

Yeah.

It really does.

And I can see the

competitive natures come out.

And, like, even in my mom, who was just, like, starting to scream at it, like, you know,

not bad answers that her boyfriend was giving and everything.

And yeah, so it was fun.

And,

but that aspect of it, like, just having it to play for gift cards that we were never going to use made for a good two-hour block of, you know, know, made the time fly by.

Nice.

Damn, I didn't have any extra gift cards.

Yeah.

She went purchased.

What was the game?

What was the game?

We're just stolen a bunch from the Thanksgiving family feud that she found online that she printed out.

She was the Richard Dawson character.

Wow, man.

She inspired your family.

Yeah, she inspired me.

That's what I'm taking it to our Christmas episode, which will be coming out

closer to Christmas this year, filming it kind of later in December, so it's going to drop before Christmas, but I think on the

right be like a couple days before Christmas, I'm hoping.

If not on December 24th, depending on how Christmas miracle, how quickly

the edit needs to turn around.

It's done, yeah, because it's a lot.

But yeah, I'm inspired by my wife this year to do something family feudish.

I'm like, we might win some gift cards, me and you.

They'll just be the Gerald store.

She gave away all the good ones.

Now it's just like, you know, like the Christian store.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

No one grabbed that.

And Hammett's school supplies.

Sell them online.

Christmas tree shop.

Q, you went down to visit your parents?

Yeah, I was down in the village's retirement community.

Somebody had to pass away in the village.

Something happened.

Some drama.

It was perfectly lovely.

I went to a tree lighting ceremony.

People were singing.

I played, my nephew was trying to, my nephew's in the army.

He's just got out of BASIC.

He's a scientist based in Texas where they play Magic the Gathering, that car game.

Okay.

So he tried to teach it to me.

And boy,

did I feel like an old, befuddled fucking idiot.

Yeah, it's like really.

And that's from your generation, right?

Magic would have been.

Yeah, I just never got into it.

No, I never looked down on it or anything like that, but I was just never got into it.

But like, he was telling me how much fun it is to play, and it is more than I thought.

It's like chess and it's weird.

It's very odd.

But his young brain and knowledge just destroyed me.

Just destroyed me.

But no fights.

No fights about that.

And then lovely Thanksgiving dinner.

I got the apple this year because my niece wasn't there.

Yeah.

So no competition.

My God.

I know.

And then the next night, there was a tree lighting ceremony in one of the town squares, and they had like a big holiday festival around it with vendors selling all sorts of holiday-themed gifts and spices.

This is what you were fearing, bro.

Yeah, yep,

great.

I was painting this fucking picture.

People are tuning out.

It was like I want to hear Pam was drunk.

It was like America in the 50s down there, man.

It's like a whole, it's time to retire and go down.

They hold on to that.

Every inch of it, they hold on to it.

Yeah.

We had pretty brisk

walkthroughs at the general store for Black Friday weekend.

Yeah, yeah.

Quite a few customers stop by.

We appreciate them making the effort to get by.

And Jimmy the Hare guy

is absolutely ready.

Can I tell you what I heard before you said that?

Go ahead.

Was he being taken advantage of somehow?

Who said that?

I don't know.

I heard he's put to work.

It's selling the post.

Yeah, he wants to.

And he is just like, he is the energizer bunny, man.

Bodies the spirit of Thanksgiving, if there is one.

powered by 17 red snakes?

Do you know how, like, like people will sniff babies' heads because they want to get that baby energy?

You ever see that?

When they like, I have, and I've done it with kittens, so I know.

And they feel like it rejuvenates them, like older people.

That's what I feel like when I'm around Jimmy the Harrow guy.

Really?

His exuberance, his excitement, it's contagious.

If I could bottle it and sell it, I wouldn't have to do this shit no more.

I would be fucking a billionaire.

I'm telling you, man.

it is absolutely contagious.

He saw, because we were like, he's taking orders online for all his friends on Facebook.

Okay.

And I was helping him.

And we're doing it in the hallway because, you know, the big room was used for the meet and greets.

Yeah, I was watching the live.

I was watching the cam.

You're welcome.

Thank you.

And when there was a gentleman came out of his office and walked by Jimmy.

and walked into the bathroom.

And Jimmy turned around and he looked at me and whispered, he goes, that Ron?

And I shook my head.

Yeah.

Jimmy's face was like as if he had saw like Jimi Hendrix and

Morrison walk by.

He was like, holy fuck.

Like he was absolutely blown away.

And then when the yarn lady came around the corner, he goes, that's the yarn lady.

He just was, he was beside himself.

He was just like the nervous energy just seeing the people that he'd heard about on the podcast.

It's like, it's contagious.

And you just want to be around that kind of level of excitement over the most mundane

shit.

So, I mean, there's somebody out and somebody else in?

In terms of what?

In terms of like, oh, we can never pay Jimmy.

Jimmy's getting paid from the post-office stuff.

Yeah.

Benefits, all that shit.

But in a world where Jimmy didn't care about what he was getting paid,

he'd be,

he might, he's the employee of of the year.

There's no doubt about it.

He's the employee of the year.

He wasn't wearing a turkey suit.

And that first turkey suit was god-awful horrible.

He may as well have been, though, because that first

night,

you know, we opened it from 10 to 12, and some people came like, Jimmy is taking orders from his Facebook.

People are writing into him, and he's like, he's showing people what we have here, and then he's doing the sending and all that stuff.

Wow.

And his girl jumped in, who is at least matched, if not exceeded, his energy and focus.

It's like, it's so foreign in TSD town.

Yeah.

Energy.

It's just like, well, it's just like, it's been gone.

It's just like it dissipated years ago.

He's youthful.

So like you get this injection of energy by these youthful TSD listeners.

It's like, it's like fucking mainline and angel dust.

Wow.

All right.

I'm so jacked right now.

Yeah, I can tell.

Your eyes are lit up.

He's about to take 60 bullets to the chest.

Days later, I'm still like on a fucking Jimmy the Hair guy.

High.

Wow.

That's not just because he works for free.

No,

you know, no, he's not working for free.

He's going to, believe me, he's going to be compensated

in ways that

he doesn't even know about.

All those free tattoos he's been getting.

Sounds like a religion.

Work.

When you die, you'll get your reward.

Just go.

Keep working.

Testiology.

jimmy's a level eight

he's got to sell more to get to to ascend to level nine

his entire experience around here is like proving himself whether it's at like a chinese buffet whether it's a

table and i think what's sad is though is that he falls for it he falls for like these like the only people he needs to like prove himself to is me he's already done it 10 times over so anytime giddy's like you gotta prove yourself i'm like like, oh, fuck yourself.

I'm just even a fucking hair guy.

Fuck nut.

Fresh hotness.

Fresh fish.

You're all news.

Oh, no.

He's confusion.

I didn't see Jimmy the hair guy gimping around at any point.

No.

He was like, spry.

Nope.

Did you see how that turkey costume cut into my leg?

Yeah.

The first night he did wear this inflatable turkey costume when he took off.

Doesn't look great.

I thought he was going to have to have his feet amputated.

Oh, get him.

I did see a little negativity coming from Jimmy the Hair guy, though.

At one point,

he got a phone call.

Oh, man.

I don't know if you want to reveal his health history to him.

I do.

I don't know if he wants it, though, revealing him.

I already talked to him.

And he gets a phone call, and he's just like, oh, bro, fuck, that sucks.

Okay, all right.

And then he gets off the phone, goes right back to work,

full speed ahead.

Turns out Jimmy the Hair guy had

to the doctor on Wednesday and gotten some tests done.

All right.

Thursday's Thanksgiving, obviously.

So in the middle of Friday, his doctor calls and tells him that he has diabetes.

Oh my God.

And that he's going to have to change his diet and, you know, no more soda and the smoking and all that stuff.

Yeah.

But I was, he has to get MVP for no other reason than like as soon as he found out, and I could see it in his face, there's some concern, but not enough to slow down and let down daddy.

He was comforted later by Chuck.

Was he?

Yeah, yeah, Chuck.

It didn't seem comforting.

Those guys, like, Jimmy is definitely the punching bag out of, like, if it's like little

Chuck.

He's like, he's the little brother.

What do you mean?

No, no, no, no, no.

I see.

I see.

He is the older brother.

You guys give it to him way harder for us.

I think it's all the pent-up fucking anger because you guys are the punch-a-bag for us.

I don't see them that way.

Well, I meant, I said Jimmy is like

Jimmy is like your midget older brother who, you know, you just take pot shots at all the time.

Because he's family.

The dude.

And you love him, but he gets no quarter.

But the dude was hurting, and you guys are still, like, fucking going, ah, fuck, I'm going to die of an early fucking diet.

It's Jimmy Type 2.

I said Jimmy 2 type.

Jimmy 2 type.

Oh, man.

It's brutal down below decks, huh?

Oh, yeah.

There's a peck in order.

Yeah?

What is it?

And they're not going to like it when Jimmy ascends to fucking.

It sounds like he's ascending.

Oh, yeah.

They're going to be so bitter and jealous when they find out what Jimmy's got in store what what the big the big TSD god in the sky is going to fucking shine down on Jimmy in 2024 really yeah he's going to become a baron a hair baron

amongst other things I think I think a baron

ascension is definitely in the cards but there's a there's a whole plethora of

it's like you know when those guys kill fucking and when I think they're going to get 40 virgins, yeah.

I'm going to give Jimmy 40 better things than virgins.

Okay.

All right.

When he dies.

No, when he dies.

He's going to get it while he's going to get it while he's still.

40 things.

40 massive things.

Wow, that's a big commitment, bro.

40 is a lot.

You don't want to start with like one?

Well, one of them.

I'm just going to go to see Godzilla with him, the new Godzilla.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

That's pretty good.

Just me and him.

That's pretty good.

Yeah.

That's just one of them.

Yeah.

That's better than banging a virgin.

Is that better than banging a virgin?

You know what?

At this age, I would definitely say yes.

Yeah, I think so.

I don't want that responsibility.

Just go watch a movie.

Easier.

Jimmy could probably be convinced to give you a handy in the fucking theater anyway.

No, I got to give him the handy.

Oh, yeah.

He's the one that I got to go down on him

in a right, just world.

Why is he doing anything to me after

the sweat and blood that he poured out here on the general store floor for him?

Make sure that he doesn't eat too much candy or drink too much soda.

Now you're going to have to really watch him like a real son.

Oh, yeah.

Keep an eye on him.

I told him I tried to take his cigarettes away from him.

He wouldn't have it, though.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

Do you think that if we did another Vegas trip, Jimmy the Hair Guy would come with us?

Yeah.

I think he's listening to this when he packed his bags at the airport and ready.

Yeah, he just ruined his Andies.

All right, because Giddam doesn't want to go.

So maybe Jimmy the Hair Guy will go.

Hey, I'll go to Vegas.

I don't have the farm to worry about anymore.

That was my big thing with the title.

Oh, I see.

Okay.

Yeah.

We'll see.

We'll see.

Okay.

Just remember, Jimmy, heavy is the crown.

What crown?

The crown that you're putting on his head.

It ain't going to be heavy.

Oh, it is.

No, it isn't.

Yeah.

Oh,

go ahead.

What does that mean?

Obviously, there's some bitterness and somewhere.

Oh, it's just heavy as the crown.

It's a sane.

You thought you were wearing a crown up in the street?

No, never thought I was.

It was a heavy crown.

Being in Walt's favor is not as easy as it sounds.

All right.

Yeah, I expect a certain level of competence.

This is how Hitler ran his staff, too.

Oh, yeah.

Spit them against each other.

Keep them on their toes.

Walt looks at Hitler and he's like, sloppy work, bro.

Jimmy getting texts at 3 a.m.

asking him dyslexia questions.

Wow.

Jeez.

I need you to come up with a game by 4 a.m.

In what I hope doesn't happen again,

my mother

listened to the last episode of Tell him Steve Dave.

Oh, that's never good news.

New.

What did we talk about?

No, it wasn't a bad one.

It was mostly his shit blowing up the

role and stuff like that.

But she said it was funny.

She was just something happened on Amazon and it started playing.

So she just listened to it.

I was like, oh, my, don't do that.

There's funny episodes you don't want to do.

Yeah,

just don't do that.

I have a similar story.

We were at Thanksgiving with my 100-year-old aunt and my other aunts and family.

And my one aunt comes over and she's like, okay,

and she brought my cousin Jenny and she's like explain to me what a podcast is

and I go into explaining and she's like

she's like Jenny do you listen she's like oh yeah I listen all the time and I'm like oh no oh no this is just yo after we had to talk about you know my auntie so so she listens to this show yeah she said she did

I don't think she does yeah I think she

was just saying it All right.

Because she's like, people listen to the show, Jenny.

I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, I listen.

It's a great show.

Because you don't want your aunt to hear Jimmy the hair guy rise above you.

That would upset her.

I don't think they worry about that.

Would they feel bad for you if they knew the drubbing that you take on kind of a regular basis?

Well, they've seen it.

Like, I proudly showed like the Black Friday commercial.

Yeah, that's not taking a drubbing.

Well, me, well, me, you know, you're dressed up as a turkey, that kind of stuff.

I don't mind showing.

Showing that around.

Yeah, it's not amusing.

Well, that's fun stuff.

Yeah, that's not calling you out for

shortcomings.

I think they're well, well, well aware of my shortcomings.

Having been around me for 45 years.

Yeah.

But in addition,

my cousin got two little kittens.

She adopted two

tuxedo brothers.

Oh, cool.

Yeah.

And while we were sitting there, one just came up to me.

He was playing around my feet and then just collapsed on my foot

and then slowly worked his way into my lap and just passed out for like ten minutes.

Oh, man.

man.

What a great moment.

Oh, I haven't had a kitten in my lap in like years.

And yeah, it was just.

I'm with you, bro.

And everyone's coming over.

I can't wait to isolate that.

Oh, it was great.

Boris is getting his balls cut off today.

Oh, is today the day?

I was wondering if he had become a little too rambunctious.

You haven't spoken about him lately.

Well, I haven't really been home.

I was, you know, it was three weeks.

I was in L.A., then I was in Florida, then I was sick for a week.

But yeah, no, he's doing great.

Today's day's balls are getting cut covered.

I'm surprised there's not some sort of natural remedy that they can do nowadays instead of lopping them off like you can.

Yeah, like they can chemically castrate.

Yeah, but you can keep giving them stuff, though.

And then you can just snip them.

Yeah, and there's still a chance that they can get cancerous.

Testicular cancer and stuff.

Like the uterus, the same with the females.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And this guy's got big balls, too.

They got to go.

They got to be.

I got to be the biggest balls in the house.

I think this cat's looking at me like.

You're going down.

Yeah, yeah.

No, he's a great cat, great cat, perfectly.

Uh,

I got the same problem with the dog, the balls, yeah, got to get rid of them, yeah.

How old is that dog now?

Uh, he's like nine months, yeah, you got to get those balls off, bro.

Got to get them off right away, get them off before he starts coming all over things.

Oh, is that what he's going to do?

I think so.

Oh, boy, yeah, I can't have that showing you who's boss.

I like on my face when I'm asleep.

What are you gonna do?

What are you gonna do about it?

Yeah, wash it off, I guess.

Same as last night.

Roll over, go back to sleep, I guess.

Sorry, Mr.

Norm.

Sorry.

There was also, Q, you know what a blind item is, right?

A blind item?

You're right.

What is a blind item?

Blind item is when they put something on, like, say, page six in the New York Post.

Okay.

And it's like, what two funny men on True TV were caught, you know, doing blah, blah, blah.

Right.

Hanging out, you know, carousing.

Sure, but why is it called a blind item?

Because you don't say who it is.

Oh,

I see.

Okay.

So I have a blind item from Black Friday, if you're interested.

Oh, yeah, of course.

So it's what two former podcast co-hosts are at odds over rumored comments about one of them shitting on the con floor?

Oh,

this was in the New York Post?

Yeah.

Yeah, you never read page six, the Cosmic Common.

Wow.

We were told with good authority

that that two former co-hosts aren't on speaking terms.

And one was even blocked, if I'm not mistaken.

I didn't hear any of this.

Yeah, this is all.

No, you weren't there?

I wasn't there.

Oh, so you mean

packing boxes?

I'm making stuff up in my head.

Wow, is that true?

That's what I hear.

Yeah, I don't think they've come back together yet, as far as I know.

Who told you this?

One of the parties.

Oh, so it's first sort.

It's not blind at all.

It's blind to the people out there who don't know.

Well, I mean, is it a surprise?

Are you surprised?

You can only say somebody shit on the con floor so many times before they take it personally.

Well, I think people, you know, who aren't involved in the show sometimes take a drubbing on this show.

And I wonder, like, how does that, like, that's not going to manifest into positive feelings.

But, Q, if I, were you at the New York Comic-Con this year?

Did you not show

somewhere near the turn?

Let's say last year,

or whatever year you were there,

and

that incident happened where someone took a dump on

the con floor.

Yeah.

And I went online and tweeted.

I was like, oh, shit, BQ is there.

I bet you that's BQs.

Did that.

Would you be mad at me?

No.

Would you run with it or would you?

Probably run with it.

Yeah, that's

run with it or depending on your mood, be like,

shit on the floor.

Yeah, but does that come at the end of a long string of unanswered punches in my direction?

No, no answer.

I don't know what you mean, sir.

No, but like, to me, it's like he is

not sleeping with the enemy per se, but like he's, you know,

there's been no show of solidarity and boycotting.

No.

You know?

So

I should apologize.

Oh, I'm sorry, PB.

So some of one the guy who said that should apologize.

Well, if he gives a shit, if he doesn't, then I don't think he ever will.

Oh, well, then no.

I just don't see him ever

doing the right thing and being like, hey, you know what?

I upset you.

I'm sorry.

It was a joke.

Can we put this behind us?

Right.

You know,

totally didn't realize it was going to upset you this way.

And I didn't mean it for it to happen that way.

I'm truly sorry.

He should just play that.

He should just play that.

You know what will happen?

In a couple of years, they'll look at each other from across a field, share a knowing glance, and everything will be solved.

Yeah.

All right.

I mean,

maybe it doesn't care, and then I, you know, I guess that speaks volumes on its own.

Silence is sometimes louder than words.

It's golden.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But again,

I don't think you could

blame the offended party for getting offended, I think.

No, there's no blame.

Yeah.

Like, I understand why they've heard enough.

Yeah, if I was taking it non-stop, unanswered,

and my friend,

quote-unquote friend, spreading these scurrilous rumors.

Scurralous.

Yeah.

But

does anyone believe them, though?

Nobody believes that the party shit on the floor.

I think think it's kind of like the uh the famous uh penthouse case but it's just the wait what penthouse case the the one where um oh jerry falwell they ran an ad where jerry falwell talks about having sex with his mother and what's parody and what's yeah what's parody and what's uh libelous

sure i 100 but like i'm just saying like it's not that's just the the chat the straw that's not the load that broke the camel's back okay it's just the final little piece of weight that just threw it over and honestly the repercussions aren't even that bad.

It's really not going to be felt in this room at all.

So, you know, it's not a big deal, but I understand.

I understand where it's coming from.

You know,

it's like Death Wish, man.

You can only do this shit off for Christ's sake.

God, hell, man.

Office coach.

I never heard Jimmy and your guys.

Not once.

Not once.

Never.

What are the alerts even for?

Email.

Oh, my God.

Every time you get an email, that thing goes off.

Certain emails.

Yeah.

Promos at fucking wahwah.

Right.

Now, it's probably like my USPS informed delivery.

Okay.

Yeah.

So I know there's mail sitting at the moment.

Speaking of USPS,

we had some mail to deliver the other day.

I mean, get him.

And we drove over to the post office.

And

it literally takes him at this point now.

I'm not lying.

I know what you're laughing about.

It takes him about 10 minutes to get out of the car and into the post office.

Now it's that gotten that bad.

His body is falling apart at a rapid pace.

Dude.

He's smiling, but I'm not lying.

My foot hurts all the time.

Yeah.

Yeah, and you don't do anything about it.

Yes, I do.

What do you do?

You stick a needle in it and drain it.

No, I've been soaking it.

I've been soaking it.

I've been trying to rest it.

So,

in my opinion, this has to be a wake-up call.

So, we're in the post office, and this elderly man

opens the door for us and says, happy holidays.

And I said happy Thanksgiving.

And he whips around his head super fast and he goes, I'm 93 years old.

What do you think of that?

And I was like, I go, wow.

I go, you're 93.

I go, you look fantastic.

I said, like, what's the secret?

And he said, the secret was drinking and raising hell.

And Gina was like, I got one of those covered.

He said, you know, a smart ass, you know, trying to, you know, as always, you know.

And then we watched

we proceeded to watch this old man walk to his car

as if it was like

as if he was in his 20s.

Spry.

With

a step, a pep in his step with

like he just hung out with Jimmy the hair guy.

Yeah,

like he spent an afternoon with Jimmy the hair guy.

Smelling his head.

And I said, I turned around and I said, man, if this isn't a wake-up call, I go,

I predict in 10 years, if he doesn't change the road he's on, he will not even be able to walk.

At this point, it's getting that bad.

He's going to be one of those guys with the ankles that swell over the socks and the shoes and everything.

You've seen those guys, man.

You're on the road to.

Top down with water, all waterlines.

What do you mean?

You just shake your head like, no, that's not the case.

How can you deny it at this point?

What?

Your body's falling apart at a rapid decline.

Falling apart at a rapid decline?

Everything has a lump on it.

Except the wrist.

What else it should be?

right.

I mean, it's just deteriorating, and you won't stop or start to do the things you should be doing, though.

Last night you were eating peppers you shouldn't be eating.

Oh, not that I mean peppers, I ate peppers that were a little too hot for me to eat.

So, peppers you shouldn't have been eating.

No, I you know, now you're like, I'm paying for it, I can't move.

I didn't say that, it's just my stomach is bothering me.

You should give me the hair guy to do it,

whatever it is, fucking damn man.

No, my father makes hot peppers for like the holidays and for my aunt, my 100-year-old aunt, and he just makes them hotter and hotter and hotter.

Just got to get a rise out of her.

And they sent them home with me and said, What a loving relationship that is.

No.

That's a passive-aggressive shit right now.

No, she likes it hot.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She can handle it?

Yeah, Auntie likes it hot at 100 years old.

But at a certain point, though, you like, you know,

we've tried.

We've put the carrot on the stick.

Five years ago, I'd say we'll give you $1,000 if you lose $100.

It was 5,000.

It was 5,000 if you lost 100

You have tried and tried and tried.

At this point, if I'm like, Q,

I've given up.

You really can't hold it against me, right?

I can no longer

try to coerce or try to somehow figure a way to motivate.

It's over.

Tough love?

Tough love.

I mean, it's no love.

No love at all.

It's gone.

It's all going towards Jimmy the hair guy now.

He's my number one.

Yeah, he needs the support now with his news.

That's the question, though.

Will he change his ways?

I think he's under your guidance.

It's not going to be my guidance.

I think the man is smart enough.

He doesn't have 148 IQ, but he's smart enough to know he wants to live.

And what he's doing isn't contributing to that.

And there's some people in the room that think they're so smart that they can even fucking outsmart death.

Wow.

That's pretty.

You need more than 148 to outsmart death, man.

So Jimmy the hair guy is like, he's like a Cliff Clavin.

Clavin he's like a mail delivery purser or he's he works for the mail

he works in the mail industry but he is not a carrier okay and I wouldn't say he has the uh the disposition of a of a Cliff Clavin he doesn't have all the facts he's he's more of a like a woody

oh okay like a bright-eyed bushy-tailed dopey yeah like just eager to flee

off the inner an innocent an innocent who goes to juggalo events and eats dirty ass

you can call an RV.

Covered from head to toe in tattoos.

He's just an innocent babe in the woods.

That's Joey's LinkedIn profile.

I did it in RV.

It's way better I did it in an RV.

Oh, man.

Yeah, I don't know, Walt.

I mean, I don't think you're going to be able to stop because at the end of the day,

he's our friend.

And it's hard to watch a friend.

It's been years, though.

I know, I know.

And you see him.

You've got to take over now.

I'm passing the baton to you.

My only solution to anything is to throw money at it, and it didn't work.

Well, now you gotta find a different angle in if you care.

Yeah, how much

does Q care?

Do you have an extra?

I know you have an extra room.

I'm showing it.

Can I show you?

Do you take him in just for one year?

Like a boot camp?

Yeah.

Have him live with you.

Yeah.

Train with you.

Yeah.

Take him to work with you as your assistant.

Well, I won't do any of that.

But,

I mean, you know, I got my guy, Steve, that I work with like sporadically.

Great guy, though, great trainer.

I would pay for get him to work with him.

He could even do it digitally over Zoom.

So he could just do it right here.

And a couple of times a week, just

won't do it, though.

He won't do it.

You need to be on his balls like a drill sergeant.

I can't be on it.

I don't want kids.

There's a reason I've never had kids.

I don't want to ride anybody's fucking balls about anything.

But this is for a good cause, though.

This is to keep him around.

Yeah, but like, he could take what I'm offering.

He could.

It's on him.

He could take what I'm offering.

He could, but he hasn't in the past, and I don't see any reason to believe he will in the future.

Well, what do you say again?

You think you want to try working with

Transformation Fitness, my boy Steve?

Well, what, like, what would be my goal?

Well, to get healthy, to

be able to lose weight, get limber, you know, get on a good diet.

Don't stop drinking every night into a stupor.

There's that look on his face.

Every time he fucking doesn't want to do something, he doesn't want to do it.

It gets that far away look on his face and you know that he's not doing it.

No.

Which is why he's not going to Vegas.

Which is why I was like, you know, I got to wash my hands at a certain point.

I put all the time in that I can and now I just, he's just got to live his life the way he sees fit.

I can see if Steve

and I can't feel any guilt.

What if I brought Steve in here one day?

And we tried to have like an intervention.

He could ask him about his habits, ask him about his health habits, and assess the situation.

Maybe you could even give him hints.

Is he a psychologist?

No, he's a personal trainer.

I don't know.

You really think, I think

we need somebody who has a psychological background, I think.

Somebody who can trick him into it, like put some kind of spell on him.

I don't have anybody in the world.

I mean, usually that is, for me, has always been like a hot woman.

Right.

He's not even motivated by that.

Yeah, that is not motivated.

He just says he's married and won't do anything.

Yeah.

So

I don't want to say you're washing your hands.

I think you got to just let live and let live, man.

You just got to let him go down the path he's on.

Where is this all going to end up?

Let's forecast the future.

Where is it all going to end us up?

Bedridden?

We say the podcast is never going to end, but let's just say, just for the sake of this conversation, five years.

It ends in five years from now, right?

In terms of what?

Just

build this world.

We're not recording anymore.

We're kind of like, he's moving down the air.

I'll move into the villages, whatever.

Like, whatever.

For whatever reason, five years.

What happens to get him?

Like, if we were to shut down today, if telling Steve Dave today was like, folks, it's our last episode.

It's been a great ride.

Thank you so much.

We out.

I think he'd find some sort of security job, but I don't know if he would be hired in the physical condition he's in right now.

He thinks he's still spry.

He thinks he's still capable of doing normal, everyday work.

He's not, though.

I watch him, and it's just, it's pathetic.

We were walking, we had to walk down to

the landlord the other day, and he's yelling and complaining at me that I'm walking too fast, and I'm just walking my normal walk.

True?

I love that both of you have to go.

I'm the goodwill.

I'm the goodwill.

People like me.

She likes him for some reason.

I was going to ask her a question.

She said no to him, but I wanted him there as well for moral sake.

It may be harder to say no if I was there.

But I guess, like, it's not even just like, are the show ends?

Like, are you still talking to him every day?

You know what?

If I'm not keeping up with it, no, I think he would just, he would, he would just latch on to some other person

at his new job or his new existence, and

they would become his sounding board.

Wow.

What do you think?

Get him in five years or get him today?

Get him today?

Get him today?

Yeah,

I agree with Walter.

I think some sort of job in the security industry since he has that going for him.

But once they took a look at him and they're like, it can't take you 10 minutes to get out of the golf cart,

I expect potential disability.

Oh, on the dole.

Yeah.

Well, he's happy.

He's kind of

a little smile about that.

Yeah.

The dole.

And we've dreamed about being on the dole.

Yeah.

That's the dream.

He's almost at the dole.

Dole dream.

Had it for years.

Someone say he's on the dole now.

Oh, fuck yeah.

I mean, if you guys really saw the amount of the amount of TV he doesn't get paid for it that he watches, yeah, you guys are like, he's on the dole.

I'd be jealous.

Beat the system.

I don't know.

Get him.

What's your first move?

We're wrapped up, but done.

What's the first move?

I wonder if I qualify for unemployment.

Sure.

Okay.

Unemployment.

Are you paying any of the taxes of any of the money we give you?

Yeah.

They won't cash my checks for some reason, the IRS, but I send it to them.

Okay.

So.

So, all right, so that's six months.

But I still have my Sora, so yeah, I'd probably go for an insurance, I mean, a security job.

Who do you stay in touch with from the show?

Are you trying to stay in touch with Walt?

I will try to stay in touch with everyone as much as they try to stay in touch with me.

A little caveat, though.

You know, because some people don't respond to my texts right away.

Right.

Oh, OQ.

Join the guy.

Join a corporate.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm like, I know this motherfucker saw this.

The way he looks at his phone when he's recording TSD.

Yeah.

That guy looks at his phone constantly.

He's got that same little kid about it.

You guys talked about bringing Steve into the room.

Those are the scheduling questions.

And I'm like, all right, I got to figure this out.

No, definitely.

Yeah, try to get another scary job.

Because, like I said, today

my brother texted me on Tuesday.

What's today?

Thursday, I answered him today.

All right.

So, what's the problem?

Before everybody gets to stay.

Yeah, it's like, what is the issue here?

I do notice it.

I notice it.

If it's non-telling Steve Dave related, it definitely answers faster.

Like, if we're just like shooting the shit about something.

Yeah, so I'll buy your schedule.

It's a because,

you know, then you got to look into it.

And then it's like, you know, it takes a little bit more to it.

But, like,

what if we live in an age where everybody's got to talk to each other immediately?

Like, remember the old days?

I just came from the villages, man.

Would they fucking remember how things were?

Would they remember how awesome it was?

Well, you weren't connected to everybody by this umbilical cord at all times, everybody making demands on you, Walton.

New Queen.

Yeah.

I somehow was born long before you went down to the villages and discovered this.

I feel Walton and I would continue to carry on because he would have like technical questions.

He would be.

I don't know if I would because I'm no longer podcasting.

I don't need any real help with issues I may have because now I'm retired.

How do I stop my cable box from talking to me?

Please.

He could go.

Maybe, maybe, but there's no guarantees.

We may drift apart and never talk to each other ever again if this podcast were to end.

It's possible it could happen.

I mean, there's people that I thought I would never fall

away from and not talk to.

And history and reality is, yeah, it happens.

Top five.

Top five.

Top five.

Top five.

I think we would run into each other at the flea market.

We've never run into each other anywhere but here.

Not anywhere but here.

I used to see you at the flea market, but I was too scared to approach you.

Holy shit, really?

You told you this?

You're awesome?

I've told you this.

No, I've never heard this.

This is so adorable.

That was the first time I saw his wife.

Wow, this is adorable.

That you were starstruck?

Yeah.

What happened?

What do you mean?

You're not so starstruck now that you tell me no constantly when I ask you to do something.

You're an employee.

Who doesn't say no?

What happened to all that?

What happened to that bushy-tailed, you know, innocent?

Well, I was avoiding you then.

I'm still avoiding you now, apparently.

Yeah, I was in the Army and Navy store, and you walked by.

I'm like, oh,

like I hit the ball.

And you didn't have the balls to come over and say hello?

You were walking.

And then the nose.

And I couldn't.

I can't.

I tucked behind the counter.

Really?

But, you know, that's something, you know, if you care about something,

there's a point if, like, if you become an invalid,

yeah, we will not see each other very often.

Maybe at first when you're bedridden and I may come over and be like, because I feel sorry for you, but slowly, though, those visits will become less and less frequent until eventually it just becomes text to like holiday text to no text.

I think if I get on the doll, I'll get one of those like electric scooters and I can just, you know, putt around the you won't, that scooter will not take you here.

It won't take you to my house.

You know, you'll, you'll become

a shut-in.

There's an elevator here.

Why is all this so much easier than just fucking losing weight?

Eat it properly.

I could get a scooter.

Your ankles won't make it through the elevator doors.

I don't care.

It's got an LED sign on it.

Is there an Adarite or something?

And then one day, like, even further down the line, like somebody sends out a tweet or whatever, social media at the time, and like it's get him his obituary.

It's like, guys, did you know that?

Yeah,

holy shit.

Yeah,

I didn't know.

I had no idea.

We're going to go, right?

We got to go to the house.

When's the last time I talked to him?

Yeah, when's the last time you talked to him?

Fuck, I don't even know.

Not since the last day we stopped recording.

He texted me a few times, but I never answered.

I mean, do we go to a wake?

We got to go to a wake, right?

Oh, definitely.

Do we do like a special episode to tell him seriously?

You'd understand it if if I wore track pants, right?

When is it?

Oh, it's tonight.

Q, get him, die.

His wake is tomorrow.

Can you make it?

Three days later, he's finally answered.

Sorry, guys.

I was.

New phone.

Who did it?

I had to go perform on stage with Brett Michaels.

You tell me what you'd rather do.

Don't hate the player.

He's a WWE event.

You don't hate me for doing what you would do in my situation.

Oh, what a sad wake.

Much to your

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Nice.

And then I wanted to mention the cruise.

We still have like

a few cabins left.

So, you know, Christmas holiday is coming up.

You know, probably soon.

What's the date of that cruise?

January 22nd.

January 22nd out of Miami.

Departs.

Departs out of Miami,

leaves that Monday, comes back that Friday.

Mink Chan will be on the boat.

Oh, I hear Troy is going to be on the boat.

Troy's going to be on the boat.

I wish Jimmy the Hair Guy was coming now.

Well, that could be one of the 40 things if you can

gift him a cabin.

All right.

Let's see if Jimmy the Hair Guy can make it.

Oh, my God.

He would be,

I think.

If you had a cabin for him, he would be there.

Because then it's, you know, the more Telemcel Dave town residents we pile on it, the more it becomes like, you know, like a Telm Steve.

And this guy, I mean, in essence, you know,

he earned it.

You know, your business, he was helping out.

Yeah, you're right.

Yeah.

You're right.

All right.

All right.

If anybody earned a cruise up there, it's Jimmy Hair.

But how realistic is this?

Because right now he's probably swallowing his tongue.

Well, the cabin I can get him.

If the airfare, if he wants to.

Okay.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, he, Jimmy, get in touch with me.

I'll put you in touch with Hughes Peeps.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Well, I mean.

Just heard it.

And

there was people speculating, though, that, like, you know, that

Jimmy was stupid.

Stupid.

For

paying $2,000 for my hair.

Well, and also

somehow...

you know, coming in and like taking on this task that nobody asked him to do.

And

I've heard some some things I didn't like.

I overheard some things I didn't like, some things that made me a little slightly annoyed that he was a dope and an idiot for doing it.

What sort of thing?

And now, where?

Oh, there's, yeah, I think I know who you're talking about.

And

now he's possibly going on a cruise with BQ.

So who's the fucking idiot?

He's a cabinmate with BQ.

Right there next to me in the bed every night.

Now who's stupid?

Yeah, you're right.

You're dead right.

Yeah.

Right?

This is what happens when you're touched by TSD.

Fuck angels.

You'd rather be touched by TSD.

Angels don't get shit done.

Tusky?

You can get shit done.

You can get a cruise.

You don't know.

You don't know.

One day you're not on a cruise.

The next day you're on a cruise.

Yeah.

All right.

Let me say Tom C.

Dave?

No, not yet.

Okay.

You're looking at me with a red face.

No, I know.

I think it's funny what you're saying.

I did have a question here because I watch all these murder porn shows and one of them is like people that go, they disappear, you know.

Suddenly a member of your family is just gone and one of my questions was and now that I see that Giddam has sunk so low in terms of like

you you feel you're you're feeling that you can you could help him that I don't even know if he would look at all because I was like if Giddam went missing oh how long would you look for him now I'm talking about the kind of missing where like you show up the office is open his keys and his cell phones his fucking 10 cell phones are missing did I never tell you what when he did went missing what I did no he went missing Did I not tell you this?

I think it's been brought up before.

I think I may have told it on another podcast what BQ and Bry weren't on.

Oh, okay.

Well, what happened?

So back when we had the general store in Redbank

at the New Stash,

one morning I showed up and he wasn't there.

And hours went by and

we departed the night before and he was like, I'll see you tomorrow.

I'll see you tomorrow.

And he just wasn't there.

And so as I got worried and worried, more worried.

And so I drove over to where he's, the cellar he lives in.

And I was looking at the, you know, at the ground level windows, trying to see if I could see his carcass.

Past the cobwebs and stuff like that.

On the ground or something like me.

Because I figured, like, if he passed out or he's unconscious, no one's even going to know.

So I'm trying to get a peek in the windows.

And I'm looking around.

And I called Jeff.

And I was like, look, I'm really worried.

What should I do?

Should I knock on the door?

Because I don't think there's no cars here.

Should I walk into this lady's house and see if he's on the ground?

And Jeff was like, Because you know she doesn't lock the doors.

Yeah, I know she doesn't lock the doors.

And I knew I could walk in and go down to the basement and see if he's down there.

And I wanted to ask somebody if I should do this or not, because it could go real south real bad.

Yeah.

Let's say she was in there and she shot me or something.

So Jeff goes,

What are you going to do?

What if he is on the floor?

He goes, what are you going to do?

What can you do, though?

It's probably too late.

So I wouldn't go up in there.

I would just call an ambulance or call the cops, do a welfare check.

Yeah,

and I was like, Yeah, that's probably the smarter move.

I said, I go, I don't know, I feel like I'm overreacting.

I go, I feel like I'm like, and I'm like, I'm in a tizzy because I'm really worried.

And I'm driving around, I drive into all the places where I think he might be.

Wow, and library, yeah, when because he would go to the library in the parking lot just to latch on to the free Wi-Fi.

Yeah, it's so funny because when he said library, my first thought was like, Well, that's cool, Gen's reading.

He's reading.

I was on his phone, he was getting ready.

Yeah.

I should have known.

So I'm going all over the place.

I'm spending hours of my day looking for him in his haunts.

And I go back to the parking lot.

I park my car.

I'm all fucking worried.

And he pulls in with this big, dopey grin on his face.

And I was like, and I'm like, I just start to rate him.

Where the fuck were you?

I go, why didn't you tell me you weren't going to be here?

You told me you were going to be here today and you weren't here.

And where were you?

I can't remember.

They were having a big race over at the racetrack.

And so I brought my scanner over and it's got something called close call technology, where it'll pick up close signals.

And I figured they're having a big event, so they must have all their radios going.

So I just sat in one of the parking lots and scanned for about, you know, 45 minutes to an hour and copy down the frequencies.

Why?

So I could have them and programmed into my scanner.

Why?

So that I can listen in.

Why?

Because I was, you know, still, I'd like to know what's going on.

I'd like to know what's the same reason I listen to

the EMT EMT scanner and all the other stuff so I can hear what's going on over at the racetrack

when I'm driving around.

To answer your question, though,

all kidding aside, yeah, I probably would start an immediate search party.

And

the racetrack had a similar search.

I'd rally the Ron's.

I'd rally

anybody in Airport Plaza that I can get a posse of.

Don't you always think, though, like, once you go past his usual haunts, you're like, well, what do I do now?

Like, why did he leave this shit behind?

Like, where could he possibly?

Like, he's not the kind of guy that they're going to take for sex trafficking, right?

Why not?

Well, I mean, there are probably some bears out there that would probably be into him.

Could be, but it's just like such a chore to drag him away to get him in the van and all that shit.

I mean, can you imagine?

They could lure me.

They'd lure you in there with a new frequency on

your radio.

Is that Ocean Port Police?

But it was so funny because Jeff was Jeff was ride my balls about it all the time.

He'd be like, oh, my son's dead.

Oh, my son's missing.

You're fucking bothering me at work.

I'm working, and you're fucking calling me three or four times in an hour going, get him still not.

I can't find Giddam.

He said this while Giddam was still missing.

Yeah.

He's right.

Like, he was not worried whatsoever.

I was in a tizzy.

Yeah.

One time when I was still working at the track, I was just starting to work

at 35 Broad Street.

And

we had some event, and I was down at the shorter house with a bunch of ants.

and I got really, really, really drunk.

And my phone died.

By the time I woke up, it was like, I'm supposed to be at work at 5.

By the time I woke up, it was like 11.

So I just made it to the

store on time.

And I plugged my phone in and charge it.

And I get text messages from my neighbor.

They're like, the cops are at your house.

And so

I get back to the farm, and there's a, it's

a card from a cop in the back says, this is not a courtesy card.

And when I flip it over, it says, call ASAP.

So my job since,

even though they hated me, they're like, he's not here, and he's never the one to not show up.

So they called the cops out to my house to investigate and do a wellness.

Yeah, he's not one to break his routine.

So when a routine is broken, it's alarming.

And again, it's like it goes back to your health, though.

If I told you tomorrow that, like,

he

succumbed to fucking one of his many growths

last night.

Yeah.

Would you be shocked at this point?

He's of an age where it can happen now at any time now if he doesn't start changing his routines.

It has.

It has happened to people.

I've known people who have died who've been healthier than him.

Yeah.

And you're like, holy fuck, they just had a defect of heart.

And you know, your neighbor, no.

Yeah, that would be fucked up.

He's got to,

I don't know.

You can't force him to do it, though.

You can't, you can't goad him.

You can't shame him.

You can't.

He's just got to do it on his own.

It's just like.

Well, he's also not at an age age where he can just shake it off either.

It's like it takes, it would take real work now to get back to where you need to be in order to be healthy.

And that includes like the eating part of it.

You can't go to the

Chinese buffet and eat fucking, you wouldn't earn your place there anymore.

If you were eating right, you would not, you wouldn't, by your own rules, you wouldn't be allowed there.

I could think I could still, you know, even when I was at my thinnest, I could still pack it away if need be.

Yeah, you were fucking 20 years old.

These days have gone.

I'm not doubting your ability to eat eat it.

No one's doubting that.

That's what it's all about: eating it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

Here we are, we're getting up there, yeah.

Get them, you got them.

Yeah, man.

All of a certain age, get them.

You're not a spring chicken anymore.

You're not a little boy.

It's not just a matter of Bluetooth, bro.

Real quickly, is it right to use our influence to sway an election?

That's the question here.

What level election?

Let's say a friend of ours, his wife, is a very accomplished baker.

Oh.

And she's in a baking contest.

Do you want to stack the deck?

A little bit.

Is it an online thing?

It's an online thing.

So how is that really gauging someone's ability to cook?

Because no one's even tasting the

wears.

I'm not exactly sure.

I think it's just like visually, like how it looks.

Okay.

Because Troy's wife, Meryl, is

a baker.

You know what?

And she does amazing.

I'm not just saying this.

I'm not just saying this.

The shit she makes, I'm like, why are you not like a, I guess she is a pro,

but why are you just baking out of your kitchen?

Why don't you have like a buddy style

bakery?

I would be all for it.

If we can sway an election,

a level of, you know, a bakery level election.

And if we can

sway that.

And who knows

what else can't we sway then?

Okay.

I like it.

I love it.

I originally, my first thought was like, I don't really want to do it because I feel bad for the other people in the contest, but if it's Meryl, I'm in.

Right.

It's Meryl.

It's based on visuals.

Yeah.

So all you have to do is go to tell'em Steve Dave on X, which used to be Twitter, and I will have pinned the link up there.

So you can, it's that simple.

You can just go there and

do that.

And she probably would have won anyway.

She probably was going to win anyway.

I've seen some of this stuff.

Yeah.

Pretty great.

It's pretty amazing shit.

Looks delicious.

So I think that, I mean, I got a whole bunch more for this week, but we are in a time crunch, aren't we, Walt?

Yeah, we got it.

We got stuff to do, we got shit to do.

So, sorry for the abbreviated, abridged episode this week, but hey, it's better than nothing.

Tell them, Steve, Dave.