#578: The Johnson Chip

Like, I get treated like an asshole all the time.

You know, if everybody wants him just to shut the fuck up, right?

You killing yourself?

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave.

Yes.

Yes, we are here.

We are here.

I'm here with Walt.

He's drinking water, so he has to just give a thumbs up.

And I'm here with the BQ.

Hello.

A couple days late this week.

My fault.

Q is out in LA.

Sunny LA.

It sounded like he had a real LA week to me.

It was probably of all my times in LA the most LA week.

A lot of meetings.

A lot of work.

Power meetings?

Yeah.

Well, any meeting that has me in it by definition isn't a power meeting.

So, no, I wouldn't say power meetings.

But,

you know, the strikes are all over, so everybody's like beating drums.

I just went out there to beat my drums a little bit.

How many meetings?

Over the five weekdays that I was there

13, 13, 14.

Whoa,

that's almost three a day.

It was usually breakfast, lunch, and a dinner.

Meetings.

Meetings, yeah.

And like, you've got to be exhausted.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

He seemed tired when he came in.

I noticed that.

Yeah, you looked at me.

But I'm all right.

It was all good.

I got to see a time.

I got to spend it.

Because it's not like it's like in the 80s when you went to those meetings, everybody get all coked up, but that's not like that.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Nobody was coked up.

None of that.

I said the word pussies in a meeting because I was describing this character.

And, you know, it was usually I'm good at checking my Staten Island a little bit.

I was talking about, and I was like, and these characters, I was like, they don't know.

They're not ready to fight.

They're a bunch of pussies over there.

And I saw the two guys I was in a meeting.

I just pressed the button.

It was a woman and two men.

And I saw both men go, like, lean back and look at the woman to see how

they wanted to see how she reacted before they reacted.

And she started laughing because it was funny.

And so then the guys came up.

And then they started laughing.

So, but you know what?

I went my way.

I was able to learn a lesson without paying the price.

Yeah.

You can't say pussies anymore.

You can.

You can say it.

I got away with it.

You got away with it.

You want to push it, though.

I don't.

I don't.

Is that early on in the week, or is that late in the week?

So the job is to be able to do it.

That was early in the week.

So did you make sure the next meeting you didn't use the word pussies?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I don't normally use it.

It just kind of wimps.

Yeah, yeah.

These guys are lame.

These guys are wimps.

These guys are, you know, whatever.

Lame-os.

Yeah.

Wimps.

Yeah.

I was just sitting here feeling envious that me and you aren't going to power meetings, Walt, and now knowing the rules.

Oh, yeah, you wouldn't last a second in a power meeting.

I don't think so.

Not even intentionally.

Like, unintentionally, I would say the wrong thing, and they'd be like, get him out of here.

Yeah, yeah.

But it was a lot.

It was a lot.

It was a lot.

But it's good, but fun.

I also got to see Mosier.

Oh, yeah.

Got to hang out with Brian Lynch, Nick's.

I saw all my, you know, a lot of older.

All the old guys.

Yeah, yeah.

How are they doing?

Doing great, man.

Mosier.

Lynch just had a book come out, right?

Yeah, he gave me a copy of it.

I should have brought it here to talk about it, but I'll talk about it, I guess.

Is it a comic or prose?

No, he did prose, but

he did

the story.

It's like a little novel for kids.

It was based on Lynch's adventures in the sixth grade, and he did some of the artwork.

It's not like illustrated all the way through, but he did the artwork.

It looks cool, but I can't remember the name of it right now.

Nice.

Yeah, but he put that out.

I'll find that out up.

I got to put that up online.

Yeah, everybody's doing great out there, man.

LA Living, man.

L.A.

Living.

I lived in L.A.

I remember it being like that.

I remember it was like a lot of people.

You weren't in an office, though?

Still, you know, I did have an apartment for a short time.

It's hard to have the LA experience when you're living in a functioning office.

People are making copies, and you're brushing your teeth.

I'm trying to set up a power meter.

You're walking around your bathroom.

I'm telling you, when I was living in L.A., the best move I made was moving into that office.

Because when I was living in the apartment, it was like, it wasn't super expensive for LA at the time, but it was still like $1,500 a month.

And I'm like, I don't even have anything.

I didn't have any furniture.

I didn't have shit.

So I'm like, let me just move in the office.

I don't care.

Like, I'll shower at the gym every day because I was going to the gym.

Said, fuck it, you know, and saved a bunch of money.

And

I don't know.

I wish I could move back to that office someday.

You and him should move in together right here to the TST Town general store/slash office.

You know, we get a beanbag chair for each corner.

We set up the TV so we can watch South Park.

Yeah.

It'll be just like 2005, 2006 again.

Somewhere in there.

You got a black light over there and it's hidden behind the poker table.

Yeah.

See, you can understand the joys of living in the office.

It's very little, like, you don't worry about much outside of.

No.

What do you got to worry about?

You got a care on the world.

The only thing

you got the only

real detriment to the whole situation is you got to share that bathroom, a public bathroom.

And sometimes men of a certain age, you know, can leave that bathroom in disarray.

Sure.

Remember that story.

Yeah.

And you don't want to get caught by

the

wrong people walking through the hallway.

Like, you know.

Yeah, one o'clock in the morning.

Yeah.

Anybody.

Yeah.

Anybody.

You don't want to get caught by anybody walking around in the hallways or

the office at 1 a.m.

It's also like, I mean,

it's not impossible, but it's it's a little more difficult to woo a woman and have her come back to an office at night rather than it takes a certain kind of galaxy.

I think at this point, though, isn't that part of Gidden.

That's my type of Giddam.

Exactly.

Isn't that part of Gidham's charm?

Like, if a lady is interested in Gidham, doesn't she, especially, she's got to be interested in TSD.

So she's like, I could be

deflowered at the TSD Talent General store by Giddam.

I said no one ever.

Except Giddam, maybe.

On the same table that episodes are recorded on.

Right.

Wouldn't that be like something to hang your hat on if you're a listener and you're a 13%er?

Who are you telling this to?

Yeah.

Because

you're trying to impress other listeners?

Like on Black Friday, it's like, who guess who was with Giddam last night?

Yeah, I mean, I would think that would make you automatically rise in

the ant status if

you're dating Giddam and you're

dating.

Oh, whoa.

And you're, well, and you're, and you're, this is where you guys go after you gook a lover.

You guys go out to eat.

Dutch, of course, right?

Get him?

Yeah.

To IHOP, because they're open 24 hours a day.

And you come back to the TST Town General Store and layout somewhere.

Making sure.

Start here, end up on Sox's bed.

Sox looks at me strange the next morning.

She finishes while making eye contact with Jimmy the hair guy on the wall.

I didn't even see that.

That's a new one.

That would be a dream.

That would be like the most romantic TSD liaison ever, don't you think?

I do think so, yeah.

I would love it to happen.

Jimmy the hair guy in that picture looks like he spent too much time near a nuclear power plant, right?

I tell you right now, I think 90% of the 13% of us have had that fantasy.

Not with Q, though.

With Q as the

Q as the.

I was just about to check his temperature.

Well, my official standing over there can take.

Again, there's a certain kind of gal that'll let you fuck her on a dog bed.

Well, this is her type of girl that'll fuck you in that bathroom.

Yeah, that's true.

So get him.

Called fun.

Called fun, get him.

Get him.

If you did go on a date, like a real date, you know, you went out to dinner.

Okay.

Do you pay or do you go Dutch that first time?

I at least offer to pay.

Really?

Yeah.

Walt's looking doubtful.

Some women like, you know, they want to pay because then they feel.

I haven't met him.

Introduce me.

Some people feel there's an obligation if

you let the guy pay.

So I will offer.

Oh, like she starts seeing your finger moving like when you're getting your wallet out.

How's that lump on your wrist growing?

As long as you paid for dinner?

Is it growing or glowing?

Glowing, glowing.

Like Rudolph.

It's like Rudolph, yeah.

Covered with some snow.

Oh, man.

Sixth grade superstar.

Is the name of Brian Lynch?

Sixth grade superstar.

Now it's on Amazon.

It's on Amazon.

Okay.

Yeah, check it out.

Yeah, it did pretty well on Amazon.

I think he said it got up to like number four in the comedy books or something.

Yeah, he's got some.

Oh, that's really good.

Yeah.

Yeah, like he was right behind Tina Fey.

Yeah.

Bossy Pence.

He's a great writer, so it doesn't surprise me.

Oh, yeah, no, it's not surprising at all.

I've long felt that out of anybody I know,

Lynch has paid his dues more than anyone.

Like when I lived in LA, that dude never, ever stopped.

Still, he's still

going to go.

He's still like.

He's got rights and rights and rights.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, he deserves it all.

Oh, yeah.

Talented guy, too.

Plus, just such a nice dude.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Nice, friendly dude.

So good on you, Brian Lynch.

Where's Brian Lynch going for Thanksgiving?

He's coming back here, maybe.

Oh, yeah?

I don't know.

We talked about

it a lot.

Yeah, he's coming for that.

His parents always used to visit you, right?

Didn't they?

When his parents were in town, they would come in and visit Walter Store, yeah.

Yeah, nice family.

Yeah, I think he's coming back.

I don't know.

I don't want to give away his

exact location at any point.

Dachshund.

What are your plans, Brian, for Thanksgiving?

Me, I'm taking on a big chore this year.

I'm cooking the bird.

Yeah.

How?

Turkey fryer.

Turkey fryer.

Ooh, I've seen videos.

No, this is not your regular turkey fryer with the peanut oil that's going to go up in flames because I know that that would be my video.

Yeah,

you got a beard that is just ripe to like fucking

shit.

No, this is a propane-powered turkey fryer.

So you just put it in the basket, you turn on the propane, you put in your probe, you know, your

thermometer, and you just let it go until it's...

So it's like air-frying it?

Kind of.

Oh, okay, okay.

Yeah, kind of.

It's just like this radiant heat.

It's called the big easy

turkey fryer.

So it looks like a small barrel almost.

Okay, so it's like infrared heating through the profile.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so

you just drop that in.

And I've done two test chickens so far.

How'd they come out?

First one, not so good.

First one was drastically undercooked.

And then the second one came out perfectly.

Nice.

Are you considering brining or no?

I was, but I'm not familiar with all this shit.

Like, once you start, like, okay, I got the turkey thing.

Oh, wait.

Now there's people that are brining it.

Oh, wait.

Now there's people that are putting butter underneath, like, you know, to make it more juicy and shit.

That doesn't work.

Brining more.

It's injecting and shit, you know, the injectors.

I've injected and I have also brined.

I found brining really works well.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Injecting, you got to have the right setup.

So it helped with me because I was using actual like needles, so which are meant to put

him.

He's drawing fluid out of his fucking many lunch.

He's brining the turkey with it.

But when did you do this?

You've been living in a basement for like a decade now.

Well, before I lived in a basement, you know, I would cook at home.

And you had a turkey fryer?

I didn't have a turkey fryer.

I would cook it in the oven.

So, yeah.

But I how did you brine a turkey?

You get a five-gallon bucket.

You go to

any, you go to any like

grocery store.

You're not shitting in it.

You're brining in it.

You go to a grocery store, go to the bakery.

Go to the bakery department, ask them for like a five-gallon bucket that they have, like that they got the frosting in or something.

So it's food safe, you know, it's food safe.

Yeah, then you mix up your brine and then stick the turkey in it and leave it in there for like a day.

If it's if it's cold outside already, you can kind of just leave it like in a garage where it's not going to get bothered by anything, especially with the lid on it.

And that,

because of osmosis, the salt and flavors go in directly into the meat.

Oh, yeah.

And it makes it a lot juicier.

Yeah.

I was going to use with that old bucket that I had my chlorine in for the pool.

Yeah.

Not a good idea.

No, no, food safe.

Yeah.

Food safe.

Food safe.

So I go go to the store and I'm like, hey, I need a food safe.

Go to like the bakery.

The bakery.

Yeah, because they usually get like

frosting in a five-gallon bucket.

And then they just chuck them.

Yeah.

Tips.

Or if they have fresh pickles like out by the deli, ask if they can get like a boar's head pickle bucket, like a five-gallon pickle bucket.

All right, pickle bucket.

That's what I'm looking at.

Doesn't it have a pickle aftertaste?

A pickle brine.

Well, you're brining it anyway, but that taste will.

Pickle brining means it's going to taste like a coffee.

No, it's a salt.

Does it have a pickle?

No, it's a salt water.

It's a a salt water plus the

herbs and stuff that you put in the water.

But the salt water.

So what about the pickle?

Is there any residue of pickled taste?

No, no, no.

Pickle residue.

Just like the frosting won't make your turkey taste like frosting.

Like chocolate frosting?

Or vanilla frosting, whatever frosting you want.

That sounds just like it.

No, it won't.

It won't taste like that.

That's what I'm saying.

No, I'm trying to impress, man.

I'm trying to.

Well, who are you trying to impress?

The Johnsons, the Johnson family.

Really?

Yeah.

At this stage, you're still trying to turn it on.

I'm not trying to impress them.

I'm trying not to disappoint them.

I'll say that.

I don't want them showing up and I'm like, this bird's fucking either raw or really.

You don't want to just have a Popeyes in the oven just in case, like, real quick?

Well, probably one the night before.

Mam is cooking a turkey breast just in case that does happen after some time.

Which I was behind.

Yeah, I wasn't like, what the fuck, you think I can't do it?

Because chances are

you can't do it.

No part of it.

No part of it.

Because it's a risk.

So yeah, that's what I'm doing this year.

I'm going to cook up the bird.

And I was thinking about maybe even live streaming a little bit from the Johnson Thanksgiving.

Yeah, let people say hello.

Nice.

You know?

We'll see.

We'll see how it goes.

What do you got going on, Walt?

Just Thanksgiving at my place.

My mom,

brother-in-law,

the kids, and the misses.

Just like 12 people.

So it's a full house this year.

That is a lot.

Yeah, my grandmother always was like, there couldn't be 13 people there.

Like, is it a bad luck?

Because of the bad luck shit, yeah.

And this year, I think there might be 13 people.

Well, the dog count maybe is 14.

Count as a dog.

You can't even count the cats.

There you go.

I'm up to 16, man.

There you go.

No curses.

Curses laid aside.

And Q, you're going down to.

Are you going out to you?

I'm not sure the you with this fucking Robert the doll.

Dude, I'm very concerned about curses literally.

Yeah, I don't know.

I was thinking, all I thought about this week was the you and the karma and all that shit.

I was thinking about, you know, because you were talking about karmatically, you like to do things.

Right.

I was thinking about Paris Hilton.

She's been taking a lot of heat recently because she had a child, you know, and it's a little baby boy with a big baby boy head.

Like the head is like,

it's a big baby head, you know?

What's that?

I guess bigger than most little kids' heads.

But the kid will grow into it?

Maybe.

I don't know.

I mean, I've seen babies with some big heads.

People were giving her shit online about it, and her sister was complaining, and she was complaining.

But I was wondering, Paris Hilton, who's been so nasty to so many people over the years, is that karma?

Does she have it coming back to her?

Through her child?

Is her child an instrument of karma?

Because Because that wouldn't be fair.

Didn't she catch shit during the Hawaii thing?

Because she went on vacation in Hawaii during the fires.

Oh, was that her?

I thought it might have been her.

It probably was.

Yeah, with the baby.

Again, not giving a fuck that, you know, they're trying to clear out the islands.

Yeah.

That's a stretch, though.

So

the fact that Paris Hilton was taking some barbs for the size of her child's head made you stop in your tracks and go, well,

Walt may be right about karma.

No.

No.

It was just an example of something I saw where I was like, no, I'm seeing karma everywhere.

Maybe that's it, man.

Maybe because Paris Hilton was such a bitch to so many people.

Now her head's like, her kid's like born like a hydrocephalic head.

I'm sure she was nice to some people.

Oh, I'm nice.

Oh, yeah, rich people.

It's a slightly larger head than most little kids.

That kid will grow into that, though.

He's a toddler.

Isn't that what toddlers are?

That's why toddlers toddlers.

Who's the father?

Her husband, whoever that guy is, I'm not sure.

I was surprised she's 42.

I'm surprised.

What happened to my young Paris Hilton?

He was like 20 years old.

He likes putting on some old lady now.

But who online

stars are?

I want to give you a fucking hand for that.

I got to give you a hand for that.

If you had asked me to name her song, I wouldn't have been able to, but I guess just because I was rolling, it just came out.

Thank you, bud.

I appreciate that.

Father's name is Carter Room, and they had it via surrogate.

Oh, she goes.

She didn't carry the baby.

No,

it's not what it's saying here.

I was not aware of it.

Oh, she'd want to ruin that body.

Nope.

She wanted to keep it tight.

And

that could be then

the birth mother's

genes, right?

Could they affect that?

Well, they usually put her eggs in the

husband's fertilized ovum and into the mother.

So the surrogate mother is like, none of her traits can be passed on to the baby to.

I believe so.

No.

Right.

She's just housing it.

Wow, that's interesting.

I wouldn't have thought that.

Yeah, kind of like when people take in a foster puppy or kitten or something, they're like, I'm not going to really keep it, you know, give it back after right, but I didn't think maybe the bloodstream, like her thing, like somehow her DNA gets mixed in.

I mean, you know what?

I don't know.

That's interesting.

Maybe that sounds completely possible.

I heard

like if she has some sort of like hereditary something in her bloodline, it's impossible for her to pass it on to that child because she's I think it's like Tease Face Nine when Keiko O'Brien had an accident and Kieran Reese had a counter-turning for a couple months.

Yeah.

You know what he's talking about, Keo?

I know D-Space Nine is a Star Trek show.

You know, if everybody wants him just to shut the fuck up.

I mean, that turkey talk was enough.

I think to make people turn this episode off, I thought with borderline, just like I was checked out.

I think our Brian conversation could have been had off, Mike, and people would have been fine.

But I'm interested in him.

I'm pushing the envelope.

I'm interested in

Deep Space Nine nonsense.

Also, like involved names and shit where it's like, I know it's Star Trek like you, but I don't know anything else about it.

He's an agent from another podcast trying to bring us down.

You made me put this mic on.

That is true.

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Sorry, I got like...

I have like at home, if somebody comes to the front door It will tell me that there are people at the front door.

Yeah, so it's constantly like it tells me on my iPad on my phone on my watch.

It's like okay, I'm not even fucking home.

What does it matter to me?

Why are you bothering me?

I get that all the time at Walt's house like we'll be outside in the garage.

I don't even have

his wife keeps looking down at her wrist because we're walking around in the garage.

I don't even have that.

I don't, I can't tell on my devices that there's somebody at my front door, but you can hear.

Yes, on the Alex, on the fire stick.

It's so weird.

That is weird.

You can tell if there's people at Walt's house?

Yes.

He's tapped into your system.

And then when I leave here and I get home and I pull into the driveway, he'll start speaking to me through the snow.

Yes.

That is so fucking funny.

He'll start talking to me in the driveway as I get out of the car from the light.

What do you say?

Hope you had a safe trip home.

Oh, my God.

Sam Harrow.

So he at any time can look at your video feed.

From the driveway, yeah.

yeah are there any other cameras in your house or just that one uh just in the driveway okay i don't have a any i don't have like a security system or anything how much time do you spend looking watching you can't because it times out so what times out how like it times out like after two minutes and then it won't let you look back again for a while i don't know why

i i i don't know why it may be because it's a remote it's because we're remote from the house so how many two two minute increments you check how often he's just like let me just see what's going on for two minutes like if if I'm, like, if I wonder if he left for coming to come here, I didn't know this.

I go, Alexa, show me the garage.

Like, so, wait a minute, wait a minute.

I can't think of only one reason why you're like, let me see if I can get something in before the boss gets here, right?

There's only one reason why you're wondering if I left to come here yet, right?

I can't think of any other reason.

Because I got a 13%er here.

That is not the case.

How much longer do I have to put my pants back on?

Oh, boy.

I mean, I'm just painting your picture.

But I, or I can't think of any other reason why he's worried if I'm on the way or not.

Or if you're expecting a delivery and

you're like, let me know when this delivery comes.

And I checked.

I haven't asked you.

Yes, you have.

Yes, you have.

Because

I think when you were expecting the War of the Undead, or one of the other things, you were like, let me know if you see those boxes in front of the garage.

Yeah.

And you don't know how to check the camera.

I have no idea how to check the camera.

Well, like I said, the fire stick is attached to his Amazon account.

So, you know, like when you're watching Pluto, a thing will come up and say, hey, there's someone at the front door or someone at the garage.

I see.

Yeah.

Okay.

How much did the fires affect you when you were in L.A.?

The I-10 shutting down?

I just heard about it.

Oh, you heard about it?

Yeah, I didn't really.

I was mostly going from Burbank to, you know,

down at the Hot Bebla Hills area

was my range this time around.

Gotcha.

Yeah, did you see the big fires in L.A.

melted like the overpass and shit?

Yeah, I guess I was not aware of this, but it's, I mean, I would say it's a good idea if the fire didn't start.

But I guess like when you have overpasses and stuff, there's like those areas that are fenced in underneath, and the city leases that to people for private storage.

Yeah.

Am I understanding?

Yeah,

there was a grocery place nearby that was storing pallets there.

Old pallets.

Yeah, they're storing pallets, so I guess somehow the pallets caught on fire, and then it burns up the whole fucking freeway that's over top of it.

You know, from what I heard, there was a

illegal, right?

There was a homeless, no, I heard there was a homeless encampment nearby, and that got pushed out because

there's a Chinese president coming to California, and they like they cleared everything.

Oh, they cleared everything out, they cleared the streets and put up fences around all the sidewalks and everything.

So there was a homeless encampment under there, fire started there, it spread to the pallet storage, and then everything went up.

Kind of like it- Was there anything on the pallets?

No, just pallet Are pallets in that demand that

you just can't recycle them?

What are you saving them for?

You have to ship them back normally, but you have to wait until you have an empty truck to ship them back.

Because it doesn't make sense to ship them in a partially full truck.

Because then you got to move the pallets out to get to the stuff behind it.

So they'll store them.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

I can't deal with it anymore.

It's terrible.

Pallets and brine.

Well, doesn't he have something interesting to say?

That's why he's here, right?

Don't ask the question if you don't want the answer.

I worked in a grocery grocery system for a while.

I know about pallets.

I drove like 40 miles to be here.

But you had a very special engagement over the weekend.

You went to your

aunt's 100th birthday, and I asked him to ask his aunt.

Oh, wow.

What are the top three things you should do to make it to 100 and the top three things you shouldn't do

to make it to 100 and get him

asked asked them.

And what was her answer?

Well, can I ask about this?

Like, should we, what is this woman done that we should be taking it?

Just living to 100.

Well, that's isn't that enough?

Well, not if she was like.

Depends on the circumstances under which she was living, I guess.

Yeah, yeah.

Is she like

living with those pallets?

You know what I mean?

I don't know a lot of homeless care for making it to 100.

No, no, no.

She has a house down in the Thomas River.

She's had it for like decades.

Okay.

My uncle Tony died in, I think, 2000.

All right, enough, enough.

Okay, all right.

So she's good.

All right, so what's your answer?

You don't need to go into every minute.

Uncle Tony.

I should preface this was at the end of a party, so she was very tired.

Yeah.

And I couldn't do it during the party because there was so many people.

You kill yourself.

That's your advice?

No, I'm talking to you.

So here you go.

My boss wanted me to wish you a happy 100th birthday, but he wanted me to ask you two questions.

So what are the three things that you do to make it to 100?

Yeah, this was a success.

You pulled it off.

Don't worry too much.

Don't worry too much?

Stop it.

Don't worry too much.

First answer, don't worry too much.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

I worry all the time.

Really?

You do not seem like a guy who spends one second overthinking or worrying.

He's been worrying about curses for like the past four weeks.

Yeah, that really shocks me.

I worry about Sage a lot.

Like, once I'm gone, I worry about Sage.

She's been sick recently, so I worry about her.

Cool, but then no, it's just some fucking allergy cough that won't let go.

I thought you had the

ability to

turn that off.

No, me, no.

No, I keep everything inside.

Unless I'm exploding, of course.

But that doesn't even happen anymore recently.

So everything just stays inside.

What about you, Kyo?

You're a warrior by nature?

Not as much anymore.

I think what she, obviously, and she is way more experienced than me, is

you just look back and you just, all the shit that you did worry about,

most of it amounted to nothing.

So imagine a hundred years of that, of being like, I spent a hundred years worrying about shit and none of it really worked out anyway, like I was worried about.

So in retrospect, it's easy to be like, I shouldn't have worried about any of that.

I love Q taking it away from her.

Yeah, I do.

I like it.

I'm listening to Q.

I'm not listening to her.

I mean, she's not wrong.

She's not wrong because, like, you can, I worry so much anxiety about things that I don't even talk about, but it's, at the end of the day, the worrying does nothing.

It doesn't change.

Why is it so hard to stop it then?

Because I agree 100% with you.

And there are so many times where I'm like, just get it out of your mind.

Push it out of your mind.

Stop obsessing over it, you know?

Because it doesn't, it won't change anything.

If you're not worried about it, the outcome is probably going to be the same as if you were worried.

But it's easier said than done.

Yeah, it's tough.

But it is kind of like if you can just find that Zen

spot where you're like, you realize it's like,

no matter how much I worry about, whatever it is you're worried about, it's probably not going to be affected if I stop worrying about it.

But then you kind of come across this: you're not worried about it.

Are you

being too laissez-faire?

Are you not being as

human as you should be then?

I don't know.

It's tough.

I think if you catch yourself worrying a lot, I think there is something to using it almost as like a mantra of like,

there's no point worrying about this.

I'll deal with it when it comes.

To try and break the cycle in your head, you train yourself not to worry about it a little bit, you know?

There's nothing you can do.

Like, I'm sure you worry about your kids.

Like, you worry about kids.

That's the biggest worry.

Oh, yeah.

But none of your worrying is going to do anything.

Right.

So I don't know.

Like the worst thing that ever happened was the worst and best thing that ever happened was these

apps that let you follow people.

Oh, my God.

It's just like.

You get them has one on you.

So maybe they're not the best.

But they are the, I mean, in a world where now you track and you know where people, it's just like.

And your daughter doesn't mind that, huh?

She doesn't mind getting tracked.

She doesn't know.

No.

So she has to know.

In this day and age, I think that

it's just another like safety measure.

Especially for a young woman.

Especially for a young woman, I think that it's, I think it's valuable.

But I can tell you, like at the time when Pam or Edgar, like, you know, I'm like in my 20s and they're like, hey, we want to know where you are at all times.

And we're going to put this GPS on you.

What?

Fuck out of my face.

Put a collar on you like a bear.

Well, as a guy who worries, I wanted to see if you guys were open to us sharing our locations at all times between us.

Sure.

I mean,

I'll just know where you're at at all times.

You'll know where I'm at.

And it'll just be like a little peace of mind, I thought.

I have zero problem with that.

All right, go on.

That's no problem.

It'll be the first podcast that probably does that.

That follows each other and everybody's okay.

But yeah, I have no problem.

My parents now actually can track you.

It's a good thing.

It's just

an extra level of safety.

But you started by saying that it makes you worry more.

Yeah, because all of a sudden if the location can't be found.

Right, right, right.

You're like, that could most likely be a technical issue.

Yes, most of the time.

Or and then your head just.

Yeah, but your head.

And then if it doesn't come online, and you call and no answer.

How often a day do you look at?

I've been pretty good lately where I don't even, I try to go like a week without looking.

Got you.

But, you know, and then I broke it last night.

You know, I had a week, seven days straight.

Oh, not bad.

Now, when you check in on somebody, can they tell that you checked in on them?

No.

No.

No.

No.

Would you be, would it be weird, though, like, if I can't find your location queue at like 2 a.m.

and I start calling you incessantly?

At 2 a.m., I'd be like, you know where I am.

Trust me, you know where I am.

But you're in LA.

I'm worried.

There's fires I hear.

There's a pallet, some pallet inferno on the highway, and I can't get a hold of you.

I'm all right, Walt.

I'm okay.

He was injured in a severe brining incident.

Needle slipped.

But yeah, it's

Auntie has something there.

Now, she does.

She still goes to the casinos at least once a month, twice a month.

Okay.

That's what a lot of old people like to do.

That's how they like to wait out the clock is by losing money at a casino.

Oh, no, no, no.

She does not lose.

She is.

I know that everybody likes to think that they don't lose.

She's pretty good.

She's pretty good, huh?

How can you be good at the slots, though?

She plays slots, I assume.

I'm not sure exactly which game she plays.

So how do you know that she's good then if you don't even know?

Because I hear about the updates.

Like, oh, you know, like, she's only telling you the wins get him okay if you if you insist get him's inheritance is uh

dwindling by the day

dwindling by the bus trip at bally's your

your inheritance is now property of bally's

when we when we when we go to like holiday dinners there'll be a table of stuff that the casinos gave her for winning oh yeah yeah

like crock pods and stuff like that it's so weird married's you know he lives in vegas and he's a gambler so he likes to go to

the casinos and get all that shit.

Dude's fucking rich.

I don't know why he cares about crock pots and electric knives and like all this stuff.

People fucking love it.

You'll see at a certain point, like everybody in just this mass wave walking out with a crock pot under their arm.

You couldn't fucking pay me to take the crock pot out of a casino.

What a pain in the ass.

Yeah, you know, right?

Where's the nearest fucking wastebasket?

This is where I'm dumping this piece of shit.

They're little ones, but I got it ready for, you know, for when we get the house fixed up.

You have a crock pot ready to go?

Yeah, yeah.

I have a crock pot and an Instant Pot.

Aside from taking it out of the box, how do you get it ready to go?

It's sitting in the

shed on the property.

Oh, okay.

So, yeah.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

So have we covered Don't Worry

You Think or is there anything?

But then wasn't it Bobby McFarran?

Don't worry, be happy.

And then he offed himself, didn't he?

No, he died of cancer, didn't he?

Did he die of cancer?

That'd be horrible if he killed himself.

What was his name?

Bobby McFarran?

Yeah.

Don't worry.

Be happy.

Now, Robin Williams, who was in the video for that, did kill himself, but that was an entirely different reason.

I was not aware he was in the video for that.

Yeah.

That's irony, right?

What do you got here, get him?

Everybody's feverishly looking up stuff on their phones to see if Bobby McFarran killed himself.

Yeah, I can't see.

No, he's still alive.

He's still alive?

Yeah, 73.

There you go.

Don't worry.

He's still active, it says.

I remember the last Bobby McFerrin reference I remember was on The Simpsons decades ago when it's like the song was playing on the radio, and then he's like, that's the latest from Bobby McFerrin.

I'm worried, need money.

All right.

Let's go on to Auntie's

second answer.

Don't worry.

Have a good time.

Listen to

what was it?

Have a good time.

That's very subjective.

Yeah.

She is not taking these questions seriously.

She doesn't want you to live to 100,

but she really is.

Have a good time is so vague.

Like, I sprung it on her.

Like, I didn't ask her ahead of time, like, this thing.

She's essentially saying, Don't worry, be happy so far.

Bobby Mythics are gonna wall soon

pending.

Well, she lives it, like I said, she goes to the casino, she has fun at the casino.

You gotta have fun, yeah.

Have fun was the answer.

What was the answer?

Oh, hold on, let me go back.

Have a good time, have a good time, have a good time, that's one, okay, and have a good time.

That's true.

Have a good time.

Have a good time.

Yeah.

Again,

it's really vague, though.

What does that really mean?

Have a good time.

You're like, how did she have a good time?

Like, have a good time.

You know what I did

as I was growing up?

I would travel a lot, and that would make me have a good time.

Or spend a lot of time with you, Giddam.

No, thank you.

Did they call you Giddam there?

No.

She's leaving it.

I think there's wisdom in it.

She's leaving it up to you.

She's saying, hey, just to have a good time.

Whatever that means to you.

Like, she loves crock pots and fucking penny slots.

Right.

Whereas that might not, your good time is fantasy guys.

It's not crock pots, right?

No, but she's saying, like, you know, whatever it is, you have to remember to take time to have a good time.

I like it.

I think it's solid.

I would add to that.

Because I have an extremely difficult time with this.

As you're having a good time, be in that moment.

Yeah.

I'm not good at that

what does that mean like i think about things a lot or i get distracted from like what i'm doing or i'm worried about something else you know like while you're having a good time while i'm supposed to be having a good time yeah

i find many times like an example of like you're having you're in the middle of having a good time and you realize hey i'm having a good time and then all of a sudden and and then your mind wanders somewhere else then yeah i'll be like well how

it'll be something as stupid as like like going down to fantasy fest uh

one of the things was the hotel had parking, which is like at a minimum in Key West.

So the whole time I'm down there, I'm like, are there going to be enough spots?

Am I going to get down there and it's going to be a fucking pain in the ass?

You're worrying as well.

Yeah, I know.

Am I going to get a ticket?

Am I going to get towed?

Yeah, like

what if something happens and they don't have the parking like they fucking said they're going to because like that kind of shit happens?

I think I expect worst-case scenario a lot.

And it doesn't happen, so I don't know why.

Yeah, that's it.

Worst-case scenario on the most benign benign thing.

Yeah, like the most trivial ball.

You know, it's a $10 ticket.

Yeah.

It's trivial, I know.

Yeah, like, I thought you were like, you know, I see a spot on my hand or a spot where it shouldn't be.

I worry less about that than the parking spot.

That's weird.

Yeah, I know.

I would never worry about a parking spot.

I'd be like, I'll find a spot.

Yeah, I know.

That's

how I should be.

Yeah.

But like on the cycle.

I know.

Don't worry about parking.

Have a good time.

But you've been like that.

And I know we told the story on TSD years ago, but I remember

one of the greatest three-hour conversations was we were headed down to film Jay and Son of Bob Strike Back.

Yeah.

And

all of a sudden,

he called in before cell phones, he called in about the room we were staying in.

And for some reason,

it made it sound like whatever Bry heard on the other end about the room he was staying in is that we were sharing it with other people.

And he he was so fucking

insane

on the fact that he wouldn't have a drawer to put his clothes in.

And he started to go at 100 miles an hour to try to get there.

So he would lay claims to hang his clothes up.

Over you?

No, I don't think.

No, not over me.

I didn't give a fuck.

I was like, I'll leave my shit in the suitcase.

You can have it.

I don't care.

But you were like, oh, I know we're not going to get a bed.

I know I'm going to have to sleep on the floor.

And it was like all these

building it up to levels of like preposterous, like, he's sleeping outside, so it's a lifetime issue,

it's a lifetime issue, yeah.

And it turned out it would not was not the case at all.

He had separate rooms, even.

Wow, yeah, that was another problem where I like I'm I cringe saying this,

but I remember getting all upset, and I'd be like, I'll bet you they don't expect Ben and Matt to share a room.

I don't know what the fuck I was on.

Had they won the Academy Award at that point or not?

No, I don't recall.

Yeah, he was ranting and raving, screaming in the van, driving white knuckles, trying to get there before Ben and Matt got there.

In case they were sharing a room with Steve Dave and Fanboy,

they didn't have their own fucking figures there that year.

We did.

Oh, I remember that.

I remember then afterwards, being like the Ben and Matt thing and being like, what's wrong with me?

What the fuck is the matter with me?

What is it?

What is it?

Looking back, what's the assessment?

It's the chip, it's the chip on the it's the Johnson chip.

Yeah, I think maybe at some point in my life, I was treated like a second-class citizen enough that you come to expect it and then get mad about it, right?

You have to come to expect it and accept it.

That's what happened to me early on.

Second-class, I am a second-class citizen, yeah, yeah, you no, not me.

I'm just saying,

not me at all.

I'm talking about Brian,

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know why.

I think we're all second-class citizens, no?

Yeah, I mean,

it's hard.

You know, people listening are going to be like,

these guys are out of touch if they think they're second-class citizens.

Well, not in the society way, but just like in the way other people treat you.

Like, I get treated like an asshole all the time.

But you also get treated like a god, too.

Sure.

If people know who he is.

And it's hard to.

not.

I find that in L.A., no one does.

Really?

Well, in LA, they're kind of jaded.

Yeah, Walt's right.

They're so attuned to celebrities being everywhere that it's like, it's cool to not acknowledge that it's a celebrity.

Well, I think also the celebrities they see are like, you know, real celebrities.

A fucking fourth banana on a fucking

three-gun show.

Yeah, yeah.

All right.

So don't worry.

No, it was and have a good time.

Have a good time.

Okay.

So far I'm going to try to listen to her.

Okay.

If we mean more?

Yeah.

One more.

Don't be mean to anybody.

Okay.

And the other question you wanted me to do is

mean to anybody.

I agree with this one.

It goes back to karma.

What you were saying?

I think you're 100% right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I agree with that.

I wish I

I wish more people knew that.

Yeah.

Thought of that.

It's one of those things that

it seems so simple, and you shouldn't need a hundred-year-old woman to tell you that, though.

No, you say, though, you're mean to people in your everyday life.

Who, me?

Yeah.

I don't think so.

I don't think I'm mean.

I think,

like I said, I try to do.

go above and beyond sometimes to not be mean.

And, you know, sometimes, though, you lose your temper with a dope

post office.

You're having a bad day.

Yes, you can have a bad day, and that can really fuck up your auntie's words to live by.

You know, she didn't take into effect, though, that, you know, some.

You work every day with an idiot.

But don't be mean.

It's good for the soul.

Yeah.

I think.

Now, what do you get out of it?

I think most people.

Be mean to people.

I'm saying.

I think most people aren't mean, though.

I think most people are more maybe self-involved.

Oh, look online, man.

Oh, well, yeah.

People are fucking gross online, man.

The meanness

under the anonymity.

Oh, my God.

It's absolutely grotesque, the way some people behave and the things that they write.

And

I'm sorry.

I think that they think that there should be a penalty to pay, you know, in the afterlife if you ever wrote anything mean about Tom Steve Dick

or toasts

i couldn't agree more

i couldn't agree more

it's not nice

i see where this is going

so

don't be mean and what do you get them do you abide by these your uh aunt's law

i would i would say yes i don't think i'm particularly mean to people i try to see like the positives of people i think sometimes at your own

peril?

Yeah.

Yeah,

I get called Pollyanna.

Who calls you that?

I was going to say, who calls you that reference?

Sometimes he says shit that's so outrageous and so ridiculous and giving people the benefit of the doubt that I want to slap him.

I want to give him like a Mo slap right across the face and like I want to see spit fucking flying from that fucking

stupid lips as he's telling me that like, oh, this person's not so bad.

I have a boss talking about his employee tonight.

He wants to smack him in the face.

I don't.

Suck, you heard that, right?

You're HR.

You two have such a weird relationship.

He's spying on his house.

He wants to slap him in the mouth.

See the spittle fly out.

That's so shockingly dumb and so, like.

Like, what?

What's an example?

I don't want to get into it too, too deep because it's you'll identify the person, or yeah, because, but there, okay, there's this Chinese guy.

Let's say you found out you

about somebody in the

industry of repairing something, okay,

and you were, and you were going to, and you were going to bring a product for them into repair,

and you found out that they had been charged and jailed

for a horrific crime.

Oh, Jesus.

Would you still bring that product to fucking that establishment?

Every part of that sounds.

And that's why I got my fucking, my bitch hand ready to fucking slap this idiot across the face.

And he's like, oh, I would still bring it to you.

You know, that doesn't mean I can't do this or this and that.

And I was just like, I was like, just jaw-droppingly, just like, are you a fucking moron?

Go tell your father this, I said.

Go tell your father right now what you're thinking of doing and have him tell you that you should not do this.

Did you?

Nice.

But this is the Pollyanna that this man can be sometimes.

Okay, all right.

The benefit of the doubt should not always be extended.

Yeah, I've had that issue with people too, where like the people, the benefit of the doubt is extended so far that you're like, you start to lose respect for the person's intelligence.

You're like, what the fuck, man?

Are you kidding me?

There's a million other places There's a million other places that don't have a fucking convict or

have this fucking dark stain on the establishment.

Don't bring it there.

But nope.

Don't bring it.

He's the guy.

There's a reason why that I'm the one that's acting irrational by not bringing it there.

Oh, really?

All right.

So we also asked Auntie, what are the three things you shouldn't do

to make it to 100?

Yes.

Right.

Is that the proper way of of doing that?

Better not to say worry.

Another question you wanted me to: what are the top three things you don't do to make it to 100?

Be a troublemaker.

Be a troublemaker.

Oh, BQ.

In your younger days.

That's what my younger days are for.

That's what they're for to get that out of your system.

The rabble rouses.

Right?

That's why most, like, you know, like, there's a lot more deaths early in life.

Like, men die.

Are there?

Yeah, because they're doing stupid shit.

Because we feel indestructible.

Like, and compared to women in their 20s, you mean?

Yeah.

A man's more.

There's a curve of inclined to die young than a woman is.

Yeah.

Once you reach a certain age, you're more likely to continue to old age than you are.

If you get out of those rabbit-rousers, you get out of those rabble-rouser years, yeah.

Yeah.

Never was a rabble-rouser.

I never was a troublemaker.

I was

I am not a troublemaker.

No, I like my nose down.

You like to stir up the pot sometimes.

I said you make some trouble when you were younger, too.

Yeah, me.

Much younger.

Yeah.

When you had that advisor route, we filled up the plastic bags with water and chocolate.

You talked about a paper boy who didn't want to deliver newspapers on Wednesday because he wanted to play paper.

You're making trouble or play some touch football and he dumped all his papers in the fucking ditch.

Hey, man, that's troublemaking.

Should he pay with his old age though, because of that troublemaking?

I'm not so sure I agree with Andy on this.

This is a free newspaper queue.

Nobody was paying for it.

No.

Except all the ads, the people that were paying for the ads.

But think about anything, like somebody could have caught you dumping and being like, hey, what are you doing?

And then suddenly you're in a fight.

That ends what you get in punishment.

Oh, no, no.

I'm a fucking 12-year-old kid.

This is like

12 years old.

12-year-olds.

You saw that.

Back in the 80s.

You saw that.

The dirt, that show?

The Motley Cruise?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Fucking beating the shit out of the kid for brushing his teeth.

As I'm saying, you put yourself into those situations when you do things like dump stuff.

I jumped on my Huffy, man.

Ain't going to catch me on my fucking stuff.

All right.

Well, now you see kids think they're indestructible.

They're blown away full speed.

You go through a stop sign.

A car hits you.

All because you wanted to dump things.

You're right, Q.

Yeah.

You're one of the few kids I remember having a brown bike.

Yeah.

I won that bike at my father's

work company fair.

Really?

Like a picnic.

A company picnic.

How exciting was that?

dear dear it was shocking yeah because uh i i wandered up to like they were you had to throw softballs into a peach basket

and i was like

okay i just gotta throw make three into a peach basket you know i'm like probably like 11 and 12 and um they didn't realize oh that it was only should have been open to five-year-olds so

so i took some five oh no i took some five-year-olds that wasn't your fault his brown bike you did That wasn't his fault.

That wasn't his fault.

Was it an actual hubby?

No, I don't remember what it was, but it was

a free speeder.

It was

a gear shifter on it, right?

It had a gear shifter.

Yeah, brown.

I think they just some toy store, probably toys or us, like we can't.

He's gonna buy the fucking thing.

He was gonna rock a brown bike, so they donated it to the Charles of the Ritz

makeup company that he worked at.

And

my mother wanted to give the bike back and my father.

Because you were too old?

Because I was was too old.

And my father was like, no, he refused to listen to her to be like, no, he won it.

It's his.

You know, he was like, he hated work anyway.

So he felt it was some sort of like middle finger to the company that his son got a brown bike for.

Fuck the suits.

Fuck the suits.

Well, Bri, Troublemaker, you can't,

you have your

own little history to deal with here.

Made a lot of trouble as a youth.

You did.

Yeah.

Not so much.

I'm not much of a peacemaker.

No.

No, I was an instigator.

Yeah, for sure.

Now that I'm looking back at my life after Auntie's telling me everything I'm doing wrong.

You're like halfway there, right?

What, 200 years?

Yeah.

I mean, I was thinking about that a little bit earlier when you said that she was 100.

I'm like, 45 more years of this shit?

I don't see that happening.

I mean, she,

like the last 20, we've just been like living down in Tom's River, just doing whatever she wants to do.

Yeah.

Which is what?

Watching Matlock and maybe fucking getting a ride to fucking Bally's?

Going to the casino, you know, going to the dinner and stuff like that.

Yeah, but there's not much you can do at all.

Did you go on a chocolate walk recently?

You're kicking Anthony,

but the way he's like, she does whatever she wants to do.

Like, but just what?

Like, she basically like a turtle in a fucking little pen.

That's like, they don't do much either at a certain age.

She, she drove up with a little

bit of.

Nancy was wise before that was a daughter.

She has an amazing friends network in the community.

You know, it's like a retirement community downtown Zerber.

A digital network or actual, like, you know, real-deal flesh and blood shit.

She was on Reddit posting shit about the other oldsters.

no like people stop by she stops over at their places they drive around she still drives no no she drove up until she

talk about driving in blind spots

still drives better than him she knew when to cut herself off she knew

how old you were i don't remember i don't remember off the top of my hand you had to take a guess uh

85

that's still pretty old to be out on the road she's pretty with it yeah yeah we had to take my grandmother's not we i didn't have a say in it but i remember my father took and my uncle took away my grandmother's uh car

because she was 85 she was bumping in the cars right and left just hitting shit all the time what do you think will be the uh reaction when that inevitably happens to you

where beth is like sorry we got a ticket i don't know man i don't know because i i i do get

my license not to charger because i do watch edgar who i who i considered to be like a pretty decent driver his whole life and now when i watch him like he's slower you know, he's doing the same shit that other old people do in the left lane.

I believe you compared.

What do I turn here?

Yeah, yeah, what do I do here?

I believe you compared, I believe he compared me backing out of your driveway to Egger Driving where I picked up some stuff a couple weeks ago.

I was like, My neck hurts.

I can't see.

He's going because he's trying to back out of the driveway.

He's losing his neck.

Yeah, he's disappearing.

What is the fat just rising up?

Or gravity is weighing that big noggin down.

Or it's just going to have some fluid build up or something.

I don't know.

Let's go.

It looks like Paris Hilton's baby.

That's right.

I said it.

I fucking said it.

You just broke Auntie's

law.

That's right.

But ape shall not kill ape.

Do not be mean.

It doesn't count towards employees.

Underlings.

Third-class citizens.

I got to do better.

I got to think of Auntie's wise words.

Yeah.

You see the trailer for the new apes movie?

Yeah, it looks good.

That's awesome.

I liked all those ape movies.

They're really good, every single one of them.

They don't get enough credit, I don't think.

I agree with you 100%.

Like, why aren't they spoken about more?

I don't know.

There were no hits.

Everything in them was good.

Mark Wahlberg?

No.

That's a

different one.

Well, I think AP people lumped them together.

It had nothing to do with the movie.

He's in the marching movies, Mark Wahlberg.

He was just in the Transformers movies.

But that one that he's talking about is the ape movie that nobody likes.

It had nothing to do with the new rebound.

That was the Tim Burton one.

yeah, yeah, that movie was terrible, but yeah, I don't know why.

I think that there's a

there's it's one of those franchises that doesn't get enough respect, in my opinion.

I thought that they told a great story over three movies, like you followed every one.

Did you watch Monarch?

Not yet.

I heard it's good, though.

It's really good, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I keep it, I want to shout out to Jimmy the Hair Guy for letting me use this Apple TV account.

Oh, yeah, that's the way it went because I asked you the other day if you were going to watch it, and you're like, Yeah, I'm going to re-sign up, and blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, then when Jimmy offered it, I was like,

I'm not re-signing up.

Resigning up is for suckers.

Fuck you, I'm a LP.

Let Jimmy pass.

Fuck the suits, yeah.

Somewhere somebody's listening to this on Buds, and they're like,

Also, somewhere if someone ever listens to this, they're fucking nuts.

They're grinding their teeth to dust.

If there's a god, they're grinding their teeth to dust.

Wow.

What's Auntie's second rule?

To never do.

The first was don't be mean, right?

You know, don't do that.

No, these are negative.

Don't.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

And smoke.

Be nice to everybody.

You know.

Don't be nice to everybody.

Yeah, I think, yeah, like I said, just.

Don't be mean.

This was the end of the party.

She was like, oh, she's getting a little frustrated.

I don't think she's wasted.

No, no, she wasn't wasting, but like,

we.

You didn't want to hear that.

No, we invited people up from like other states to come and see her.

So she was just like, I think overwhelmed.

That matters.

They're from another state.

Well, like people they haven't seen in like years.

A lot of energy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So what did she do?

Oh, these are negative.

Yeah.

So be mean to everybody is what you don't do.

No, right.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

Don't hold a grudge.

That's a good thing.

Who's helping you?

That's her daughter, my aunt, my aunt Susan.

Don't hold a grudge.

I just broke the rule.

You did?

Yeah, I'm holding the grudge.

Well, you didn't know the rule yet.

Well, I listened to this earlier.

Yeah, you knew the rule.

I knew the rules.

But, you know, I just put on full display.

Well, it's not, Walt, I don't think we're relished in that grudge.

Being perfect, right?

I think it's about, like, you're human.

You can't help but hold a grudge.

It's about which Walt shows up to deal with that grudge.

I know.

The one that starts chanting top five?

Or the one that was like,

I feel this way, but I got to let this go.

You know, it's about who shows up to the feelings that you can't help feeling.

Right.

How do I beat down top five, Walt?

Well, we're trying to make a show here, so I suggest you don't.

I say amp them up.

We need at least three top five moments per show.

I'm invested in it.

I'm hoping it gets bigger.

Don't hold a grudge, Q.

Now, we know that you have a certain number two waiting for somebody, and that would would definitely fall under breaking

Nantes rule.

You know what?

Are you going to do it?

Are you going to renounce that right here, right now?

I'm going to let go of it.

I'm going to let go of the grudge.

And you're not going to.

Fucking way.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm going to let go of, I'm going to let go of the grudge.

I am.

And you're not going to shat on a grave

in your lifetime.

It won't happen.

It's not easy to say,

but I will let it go.

And I will will not.

I'll let it go.

That's not healthy behavior.

100%.

100% I will not do it.

It's not healthy behavior.

No, it's not.

How old am I going to be?

Fucking in my 60s crawling over fences and dropping drown in a cemetery.

Well, I'll be in my 70s guarding you.

So, yeah, I think so.

I think

I'm going to take what she said

as

a sign that I should let it go.

I'm going to try.

That's a tough one, not holding grudges.

Yeah.

That is, that's one of the things that human beings do.

And they hold on to them like with a steely grip.

And you can't pry their fingers off of their grudges.

You know, like there are things Mary Beth said years ago that will pop into my head where I just want to be like, oh, you mean like

that, just like come at her out of nowhere sometimes.

Remember when you fucking said that shit?

Yeah.

Never mind the million things I've probably said.

Well, it's not about that.

No.

Yeah.

Wow.

But BQ

is gone on record now, so you can't

do it.

You can't do it now.

I'm going to let it go.

Because that would really shatter all the listeners.

I think me not doing it is shattering faith in me.

No, I think that they, nobody really, I mean, there's a certain segment that wants to see you do that, but they're sitting right here.

There's also a certain segment that wants you to be the bigger man and wants you to be the better human being and not be petty or

hold a grudge

and let go of that bile.

I mean, it just doesn't affect me anymore, and I don't care.

I should follow your lead, and I shouldn't renounce ever

making any more future comments about grudges.

Well, look, you still

are having fun with it.

Right.

You know?

Right.

But at the end, but they're at the end of the day.

Is it annoying at you inside?

At the end of the day, there's a reason why that it's it comes from a place of

hurt

and,

you know, like uh

it's it's a raw emotion.

That's what I'm saying.

You can't help that.

You're still working through that.

No, but if I want to make it to Annie's age.

Yeah, but it's a process.

I don't think you've got to be perfect every step of the way.

You're now aware and you're trying to make changes.

You have to make sure, like you've got to forgive yourself if you're going to succeed at it.

Now, has Auntie never fallen?

Has she ever broken any of those rules?

Have you ever seen her on display do something?

She was pretty mean to me at the party.

It's tough because I've heard her say.

You've put her on this pedestal all the time.

Have you ever seen her like...

I've heard her accidentally let a certain word slip.

Oh, wow.

not that word no not that word

at her agent i just gonna let it go

if that's not the word then everyone is left to guess what's the word yeah what is that's the only word anybody thinks of it it was uh it was something from clerks too

so it is that word then no no no it's it's it's it's not that word it's it's a two-word

was it made into an ill-advised word word right

look at him trying to put like trying to put the math in his head two words three syllables

All right, so it is exactly what we thought,

pretty much,

but not that.

All right, all right.

So, this is good to know that Auntie's human.

Yeah, and you gotta let her go, dude.

Don't hold that against her.

They lived in the Nork area.

So, enough, stop talking.

You can understand why.

Stop talking.

You know who she lived here.

What?

It's not her fault.

Cut that, please.

My family might listen, but I really don't.

I love how he cuts it.

It's so good.

You guys

know.

You didn't say anything.

That's the thing.

You didn't say anything.

You didn't say anything.

Auntie's human.

Yeah, this makes this humanizes her.

She was this deity up until now.

She's got feet of clay, just like all of us.

Nobody said any words.

It's all it's nobody said anything.

Okay.

I also have

some Thanksgiving facts.

Can I read something real fast?

Yeah, you got it.

Knocked this out.

Yeah.

That was the third one.

That was three, right?

Yeah, it was

don't hold a grudge.

Don't be mean.

Don't be mean.

No, don't not be nice.

Sure.

You know, that's two.

There was no third one.

There was.

It was.

Don't call people.

All right.

Don't hold the grudge.

Don't hold the grudge.

Don't hurt me.

Okay, gotcha.

All right.

Sure.

A word

to live by.

My new North Star.

Auntie Gidem.

Yeah.

All right.

Get him, Santi.

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All right.

That is it for care of

sex.

Less plus.

For zero

down to less.

You said you had some Thanksgiving stuff?

I'm definitely shitting on that grave.

Good for you, good for you.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

I won't tell Auntie.

Seeing her on Thanksgiving.

Did you know that

at one point people used to dress up

in costumes much like Halloween?

And Thanksgiving was actually called the Rag of Muffin Day in New York City.

I didn't know that.

That sounds fun.

Yeah, I wonder what happened that they stopped doing that.

Were the costumes sexy?

No, no.

These were often children dressed up as poor kids, and

so much so that it was called rag-a-muffin day.

Gotcha.

Never heard of it.

I love it.

You know.

Probably can't bring that back.

It'd probably be in poor taste.

That was Pam's big word for us when we were young.

Get dressed.

You look like a rag-a-muffin.

Right, but

if you were to try to bring that back, I don't think you can sell this rag-a-muffin day.

It's like, well, we'll go dressed as the poor.

It'll be fun.

Yeah, probably not.

We're already poor.

This one blew my mind.

The Macy's Day Parade balloons were let go at the end of the parade.

What?

Yeah.

How's that even safe?

It's absolutely insane.

They just let go of them?

Yeah, just let go of them.

Up until 1932, the famous balloons seen at the Macy's Day, Thanksgiving Day parade, were just let go and allowed to drift off into the sky.

The store offered a $50 reward for for return balloons, but most of them exploded or burst once they cleared the skyline and got to higher altitudes.

Wow.

Could you imagine seeing like Snoopy just explode?

Jesus Christ.

And come raining down into the environment.

I remember, remember when Barney lost his mind that way?

Yeah, and it was like it's all everyone could talk about.

Yeah.

I got that streetlight in that person.

He's just saying the people were just getting dragged along the street and shit.

It was the funniest shit.

Because it looked like Godzilla, like going down the street, destroying shit.

But I guess in 1932, there weren't, I have to think there were still electrical lines.

Also, what happens if it exploded

in all that hydrogen air

or helium just exploded like the Hindenburg and shit?

Well, it'd be it's at a higher altitude, so like you, it's like way above power lines.

Right.

But what if it goes to a skyscraper?

It's a fall.

Yeah.

It still has to fall, yes.

Do you think was electricity like rampant in the city in the 30s?

Probably not as much as it is now.

And I would guess.

Probably.

I would hope there's more electric in the city nowadays.

What are you talking about?

I would imagine the balloons floated away from the city and not just hovered above it.

So like they're going towards New Jersey, the ocean.

That's the case scenario.

They're going towards the ocean.

They're going towards New Jersey, Pennsylvania.

Yeah.

So we're choking sea turtles, but you know, they weren't cutting the power off.

But like, you would think that these balloons

valuable.

like they were like tens of thousands of dollars, I would think the ones that they got on display now.

They're so elaborate, but Macy's must have had money to burn back then.

They're like, just fucking let them go.

Who cares?

We'll get new ones next year.

It had to be.

I mean,

for whatever reason, though,

the balloons were let go.

Turkey doesn't actually make you tired.

What?

Due to tryptophan, a chemical found in turkey, it's often credited with why people feel tired and sluggish after dinner.

It's because I overeat.

It's medical experts say there's no more tryptophan than in other foods.

It's more because of all the carbs and calories you've eaten that you feel sluggish.

It's a myth.

Well, whatever it is, something makes me shut it down after I eat, after I stuff that face.

I love it.

Isn't it strange?

Because I feel the same way, even though I don't eat a lot of turkey.

I'll just have like a little sliver and I'm still like, man, I'm going to go take a nap.

Could also be

mind over.

Placebo, yeah.

Yeah, the mind over matter.

Yeah, and

I'm thinking that, you know, I took like people think oysters are an aphrodisiac, but they're really not.

It's a good way to avoid the rest of the family, though.

You're like, oh, my God, all that trip to Finn, I'm so tired.

Yeah.

Everybody has to go home.

I used to look forward to my post-Thanksgiving dinner crash nap where you go and you disappear for like an hour and you come back down and then you start playing risk or whatever.

But as my parents are getting older, in the past few years, I've not done it.

As a choice, I've been like, I'm going to stay up.

I want to stay.

I want to soak in these Thanksgivings while they're still here.

here.

You can use some of these tidbits to entertain everybody at the table.

Yeah, see what I could drop.

Do you want to borrow the white baron out?

This one kills me.

The observance of Thanksgiving was changed in 1941 to the fourth Thursday in November by President Roosevelt as a ploy to encourage more weekend holiday shopping.

He was not saluted for this stunt.

Some even compared him to Hitler changing the holidays.

Jesus Christ.

So what was the original day?

I don't know, but

it was

changed in the, what did I say, the 40s?

Well, that's when Roosevelt would have been around.

But 1941.

But even back then,

people were like,

if you're this or you do this or you do that, you're worse than Hitler.

You're literally Hitler.

So it's not

a current day thing that, like, you know, it's been going on forever.

Well, since Hitler's been around, that the comparisons well he's an easy comparison to something gone wrong i know but it's at some point though like that is not worthy comparison no because it changes all the time do you think that people really mean it or do you think that they're just using it as a as an easy example of how bad a person is i don't think anybody thinks like well we did a uh did that thing come out yet where we did something for patreon where will rogers uh we did a family feud style thing and it was like oh yeah yeah it was for halloween tea okay jeff's halloween okay so that did come out then then.

I don't want to, no spoiler alerts.

But the people that they're like, yeah, these people are like as bad as Hitler, I was like, you got to be kidding me.

Yeah, like Bezos.

Like Bezos?

Yeah.

I'm like, he's.

I get it.

I get why people don't like him, but like, why him more than Elon Musk or any other number of billionaires, you know?

Trump is always the guy.

Oh, Trump is literally number one Hitler guy.

Worse than Hitler.

Worse than Hitler.

They called it Frankski.

I wasn't aware of this because, you know, I don't really watch the news that much.

I wasn't aware that they had started a rumor about Trump that he was getting golden showers when he was in Russia.

Oh, that's old.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's really old.

Oh, yeah, that's old.

I just read that today.

I just became aware of that.

First thing I heard that, I was like, all right, maybe I'll vote for the guy.

I didn't know he partied like that.

All right.

Have a good time, just like Annie says.

Not holding a grudge.

Don't hold your bladder.

Don't hold your grudge.

Don't hold a grudge.

Americans secretly dislike classic Thanksgiving dishes, but eat them anyway.

What do you mean?

A whopping 68% of Americans dislike Thanksgiving dishes like canned cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie, and even turkey itself.

What?

According to a 2019 Instacart survey.

That sounds like a bunch of assholes to me.

68%.

Are you really taking a picture of the camera?

That's American.

Yeah, really.

Who's our new target?

Who's after millennials now?

Gen Z.

Who's that?

Gen Z?

Yeah, probably Gen Z.

You like cranberry sauce?

Fucking love cranberry sauce.

Really?

Do you like the can or do you like to make it with the

whole berry cranberry sauce?

Oh, man.

Even in June, I'll order a Thanksgiving sandwich from this local place, which is turkey and then stuffing and cranberry on top with gravy poured over between.

Oh, man.

So you'll eat turkey 365 days a year.

You don't have a problem with it.

Just

I only eat turkey the one day.

Yeah, I don't really have a problem with it.

I go out and I slaughter a turkey every day.

You got it on Staten Island, right?

Yeah, we got tons of turkeys turkeys on Staten Island.

And they're very unique turkeys.

They don't have them anywhere else but Staten Island.

So you don't feel though you've kind of like taken the kind of the

specialness out of Thanksgiving by having turkey on such a regular basis?

No, because like it's just sliced turkey.

It's like deli meat.

It's not like my mom's making me a turkey sandwich every day.

But I don't really eat any of the traditional.

I like the mashed potatoes.

Do you like chicken?

Yeah, but I like the chicken tenders.

But nobody seems to really want a chicken on Thanksgiving.

It's like, you know, my wife is loath to fucking change it up and like shock the system

of not making a turkey, even though barely anybody eats it.

68% of your guests are going to be like, oh, turkey again.

Yeah.

If you have some extra leftovers, you know, sweet potatoes, all that shit.

Yeah, I'll agree with you there.

Yeah, never been out.

Is that the same thing as a sweet potato?

Yeah, they're different.

They're different things.

Yeah, I don't eat any of the pies.

I love all the.

You like pumpkin pie?

I don't like pumpkin pie.

I I just was because I'm going to be

that.

Sherry's pumpkin pie.

I'm

going to stand by it, people.

No, I love a good jack-o'-lantern.

So, yeah,

okay.

Supporting them in other ways.

Yeah.

I just realized now that I'm, since I'm going to go to Florida for Thanksgiving, I won't have any leftovers.

Usually I have a week of leftovers.

You can't take them off playing with you?

Nice Tupperware.

Oh, cool.

All the turkeys are like, doesn't even make you tired.

My family would always give me the turkey carcass to take home and just cook her up.

15 barn cats.

And they would love it.

You'd see them running around with pretty much the turkey.

Yeah, man.

They love that shit.

And come out the part where they gave them to the cats just a second ago.

Do you like pork?

Because pork is the second most popular dish.

I don't really eat much.

I don't even eat bacon anymore, really.

I will.

I'm not saying like there's never a time, but I'm not really.

Giving up the bacon, huh?

For health reasons or just because you just got

not that good.

I think I've just been cutting back on meat in general and bacon.

Pork was never my favorite to begin with, so it's just kind of an easy one to let go.

But I will eat it.

You kind of want to cut that out.

Do you remember?

We were at the con and QA too much.

Bacon and you couldn't work the table.

I didn't think you ate a buckle of bacon.

I had a normal amount of bacon and it was bad

like i got we don't even know if i got sick from the bacon dude did i tell you my room has a bed in it

i ate something at a buffet and i got sick you told us it was a buffet and it was all you could eat bacon and you just went overboard all yeah that was all he's like i shouldn't have gone crazy like i did like five pieces of bacon

i do remember him coming down all tired getting the bacon going back to the room

i think there's trip the phantom bacon bacon, boys.

You're going to have to work this table.

I'm going back to the buffet.

I mean, I'm going back to the room

to sleep off all this bacon I ate.

You did love your bacon.

It's like five, maybe six pieces of bacon.

Slaps.

Lived with this long enough.

Did get me sick, though.

I missed a day of work.

Yeah, you had a bad.

Black Friday, aka the day after Thanksgiving, is the busiest day for plumbers.

Oh, that's gross.

People slomp, just

plug out the toilet with turkey.

It's just too much indulging on Thanksgiving leads to backed up pipes.

I'm going to pretend all my bathrooms are out of order.

I went to cleaning up the plates as well and stuff.

So much so

that Rotorouter and water cleaning companies actually refer to Black Friday as Brown Friday.

All right.

Now, we had a Brown Friday last Friday

at the communal bathroom.

Yeah.

I went into the bathroom.

I had gone to dinner with my wife, and I left socks here.

Pause just for a brief second.

This is a fourth week in a row we've had a shit story.

This is it.

This one's worth it.

It's all been leading up to this.

I looked around prior to this to see if there was another one.

I had no idea it would organically come to me.

So I go out to eat.

I come back to get socks and I hit the bathroom before

I leash her up and get her in the car.

And I go into the stall and it is like some animal had been in there.

It's like some human being wouldn't do this.

Some human being wouldn't leave it in this condition.

They would make an effort to hide what happened.

It was just not a flushed stack of.

I didn't want to stare at it too long.

I just, you get a glimpse.

You want to turn your head real quick.

There was no way you could try and flush it to see if it wasn't.

I wasn't going to even, like, it shouldn't, it's not my responsibility.

Right.

So I run into, I come back storming into back into the team.

Get him, get in there and flush the toilet.

And I'm like, I want to know who the fuck was working here this afternoon.

I said, because it either had to be one of the Ron's

or that fucking other guy across the hall.

I said, I go, it's fucking unacceptable.

I want to fucking tell the superintendent that there should be a note on the door that they got to fucking flush the toilet and make a better effort than what just happened right now.

I'm on it, Karen.

I'll be right back.

I was so mad because anybody would leave it like this.

And

I get a text that, like, maybe six hours later, I want to apologize.

This text says,

That was me that did that in the bathroom.

And I just want to send all my apologies.

And it was from the fucking, it was Colonel Gidham in the fucking in the library with the fucking candlestick.

Because he fucking, he did, he left the bathroom, a brown.

What did I tell you?

And I fucking, he blew it up so bad that time I couldn't even approach it.

The bathroom.

What did you do?

He's defenseless.

No, I flushed it.

He's going to get so much 13% puss to take one.

No, I flushed it.

It just didn't go down.

So

I had to work on it to get it clear.

Oh, so.

Oh, wait.

So when Walt came in and he was enraged, you didn't admit to it.

No, because I'm like, what are you talking about?

I said, I was just in there.

You know, you'd left it clogged up.

I didn't know.

No, I had flushed and I'd heard the word.

So you just assume that.

Oh,

you didn't have to get a visual.

I didn't look back.

I didn't give it a second flush.

That's probably fine.

I have a history of not really blowing up toilets, so why would I have to take a second look?

364 out of 365 times, it goes down.

Did you go in there and plunge?

Yeah.

There's a plunger in there, and I worked the handle enough to get that genesis.

I think it's so funny that, like, as you're ranting and raving, he's like, I ain't saying shit.

I'm not saying unintended.

I ain't saying that shit.

I'm a stand-up guy, right?

Speak up, though, because I have called him out for not apologizing when you should.

And he sent the text.

Because he knew it was going to get mentioned on the show.

No, I didn't.

But

it's one of those where you're reading it in the moment, it's one o'clock in the morning, and you get that text, and you're like,

what has come to my life

that

there's another grown man apologizing to me

for taking a nasty dump and not flushing it in the bathroom?

And I'm just like,

I have no response to this, I didn't respond to it.

I have instituted a three-flush policy now, okay?

So

true, just yourself, yes, self-imposed, yes,

to make sure everything's clear.

Yeah, wow, that's good.

But if you can make it to 100, make that one of your fucking must-do's three-flushes,

And to not do is leave it behind for Walt.

Well, like I said, it was baffled.

I'm like,

I was just sitting there like an hour ago.

I didn't see anything.

But there's, you know, what it is, is that there's two stalls.

So you don't know which, you know, I don't know which stall he uses versus which stall I use.

Sure.

So it's not usually, yeah, it's not usually what you talk about during the day.

Did you apologize to the rounds?

Yeah, it's like, yeah, I'm completely ignorant of what's going on.

I'm like, oh, hey, good morning.

I want to let you know.

Ron, you ain't?

Let me get him.

Like, there have been accusations that maybe you had blown up the toilet, but I wanted to let you know I set the record straight.

I took full responsibility.

I liked the disdain you had for this guy over here.

One of the Ron's or this fucking guy over there.

I think it's that guy over there.

Yeah.

It doesn't like dogs.

My dogs, the stink guy.

Really?

Yeah, so I'm like, fuck that guy.

We should fucking put some flaming poop in front of his office.

I think you would know.

The door's open.

There's only one dog here.

It's a canvas bag with my face on it.

You got the thumbs up.

Feel improved?

Yeah.

That's it for Thanksgiving, huh?

Well, we have one more thing Thanksgiving related to talk about, and that is the very big Black Friday.

Tell him Steve Dave

throwing it.

Oh, yes, right.

We have.

Did you see the Unfinished Commercial Cube?

I did.

It was fucking great.

Okay.

Big up to Rup.

That's up, that's up.

That's Aaron.

Yep.

Up on YouTube.

Sorry, I was a little bit more.

So if you come down here, it's 11 to 6, right?

We're doing 11 to 6.

No, on Thanksgiving night.

Thanksgiving night.

Oh, yeah, Thanksgiving night.

I totally forgot about Thanksgiving night.

10 to 12.

I'll be in the turkey costume.

Yep.

So that's going to be nice and cool.

You better make that air conditioner's going to be.

No, it's a fan.

Oh, you have a fan inside then?

Yeah, okay.

And then on Black Friday, 11 to 6, and Saturday, 11 to 6, and then that's it.

But we'll be open Sunday, but no guests on Sunday.

12 to 5 or 12 to 12.

12 to 5.

We'll be open.

Yeah.

And Q, you'll be sunning and funny?

Well, I'll be in Florida.

I don't know about either one of those, but that's where I'll be.

But I'm going to FaceTime in randomly

throughout the night.

If you show up, you might get to talk to Q.

Yes.

Now, when you're in Florida, do you have to fight over the Apple or the Apple is kind of guaranteed for you?

This year, because my niece

is now in college, she will not be fighting you for the apple anymore.

She don't give a shit about no apples anymore.

Yeah.

It was pretty one-sided.

I don't know if she understood my rage.

She's a really good kid, so I just let her have it, I guess.

But yeah, there's going to be an apple.

There's going to be an apple in the turkey.

I'm very excited about that.

And then I'll drive around the villages, Florida, my golf cart.

Looking for loofahs?

Can't wait.

Yeah, find that black loofah.

Jump in.

How much play do you think he could get from the older, the older crowd?

If he was up for it?

BQ?

BQ, yeah.

Oh, no.

I know I can get some.

You get a lot of play down there?

They watch a lot of TV down there.

Yeah.

I wish people in LA loved me as much

in Florida.

If they're not at the casinos, they're watching IJ.

Yeah, yeah.

It plays a lot down there.

And they drink it all day down there.

So it's like

they're a fun group.

Is that what it all comes down to, man?

Is that what Anti-Mission?

No, Anti-Hit It.

Have a good time.

Yeah, I think so.

I think a big part of it is just,

you know, relax in any way you want.

Well, can we give Q some homework if he happens to run across a hundred-year-old person down there to ask the same three questions?

Did he get like an East Coast versus Florida?

I'll see if I could do that.

Yeah, sure.

I'll see if I can do that.

There's definitely a bunch.

But, I mean, most of the people down there are like 60s, 70s.

So it's a little weird to be like,

what have you learned, old man?

Maybe just

20 years ago.

Maybe just like ask crowds, you know, anyone around here who's 100?

Are they home right now?

But I'm definitely not going to spend my time driving to houses to introduce myself to old ladies.

So I guess if I see any, I'll ask.

Is your mom still alive?

I'll talk to her.

I'll ask Edgar a secret to a happy and productive life.

Don't have fucking kids.

Yeah.

Oh,

could you imagine that was his answer?

Yeah, man.

Why do you think I did did it?

Tell him, Steve, Dave.