#575: The TESD Halloween Spooktacular

Hey, I have some very important Patreon announcements that I wanted to get out there.

These are very important, so please listen carefully.

First up, the $20 tier gift in December, January, and February will be the absolute edition War of the Undead hardcover.

So that means anyone already in the $20, $40, $60, or $100 tier, you are set.

And whatever your third month is, you will get a copy.

But I have some bad news that I did not want to have to announce.

And I explored many ways to not.

But unfortunately,

International, which is the FHIR $20 tier ants,

just the $20 tier international ants, this book is too massive and heavy to send

because the postage to some of these countries overseas is $60

or more.

So I need to come up with an option for you guys.

And I explored, like I said, multiple ways to try to make it work, but this is the only way it can make it work since recent $20 tier gifts have gotten bigger and heavier.

And we have, you know, towed the line, we haven't raised, or we haven't charged any international lands, any shipping.

Like on the Snow Globe, it was massive, the bill to send it overseas.

So we can't do that again on War of the Undead because it's even heavier than the Snow Globe.

So I came up with these two two options.

Option one, I will contact any $20

international member individually and tell you the exact shipping to your home.

And you can PayPal the shipping.

And I promise it will be the exact shipping cost.

We will not charge a dime extra than the exact shipping cost.

And you can choose to pay the shipping fee.

You can PayPal in the shipping costs and you'll get the book.

Or you can decline to pay the shipping fee, which I totally understand.

If you're like, no,

I can't swing that.

You will still get a gift.

I will send you a different, lighter in weight gift.

And I get it.

It may not be financially feasible for some of you to do that, but I still promise you a cool gift if you decline to pay the shipping fee on the War of the Undead.

This also means that I will have to contact all you international ants individually through the Patreon app.

That means, you know, answering that message as soon as possible, checking in.

I will start probably sending out these emails in December, between December 10th and December 15th,

as it's going to take some time to tackle this.

And sometimes these messages go to your spam or junk folder.

So if you guys could please, please start checking for your messages around December 10th through the 15th.

If you don't see one, maybe it's in your junk folder.

Now, for those international ants in the 40, 60, or 100, this doesn't apply to you.

You don't have to do anything.

You're not going to get a message from me.

It's business as usual, as it is, of course, for all the American members.

Now, for those who want to copy and are not in a gift tier, you must join at least a $20 gift tier in December.

It could be on December 1st.

It can be on December 15th or even the last day of December.

And if you stay in that tier through February, In February, you will be sent the book.

So again, you must jump up in December because if you join in January, you won't be sent the book as in March, a new set of gifts will start to go out.

All right.

So I really, like I said, it's been five years.

I really did not want to have to make this announcement.

And hopefully in the next cycle, you know, maybe the gift will be a little bit more.

just be a smaller weight and it won't be so cost prohibitive to send out to you international ants.

But it's, I'm hoping to just keep it exclusively just for this particular tier.

We'll see.

I also wanted to announce the Black Friday weekend schedule at the TSD Town General Store.

We will open at 10 p.m.

Thanksgiving night and stay open till midnight, 10 p.m.

till midnight on Thanksgiving.

We will then reopen Black Friday morning at 11 a.m.

till 6

and Saturday 11 to 6 as well.

We will also have two new pieces of merch dropping that night at the general store and online at tellhemstevedave.com.

A new shirt design and a new trucker hat.

That's it.

Just two new pieces.

I have confirmed in-store appearances by Bry.

I haven't asked Q yet, but I got a good feeling if he can make it, he'll show up at the store as well at some point over the weekend.

We got Frank Five and Mrs.

Five.

Giddem's going to be there.

Jimmy the hair guy.

And of course, I'm always working on securing some other top-tier TSD town talent to show up at some point on the Black Friday weekend as well.

So, if you're in the area, stop by, say hello.

All right.

Any questions, of course, you can contact me at kmuse2

at gmail.com, k-m-e-w-es-2 at gmail.com,

and I will be happy to answer them.

All right.

Happy Halloween.

Don't do this, don't do that.

Fuck you.

Like us, like I'm John Wilkes Booth,

and like I bring a date, and she's Slutty Lincoln.

Yeah, I'm not gonna have a monster sausage party like you guys.

Tell them to see Steve Dave.

Hello and welcome to the 2023 Tell'em Steve Dave Halloween Spooktacular.

This is it.

This is the Halloween Spooktacular.

All right.

Why did you say it like that?

I'm just saying.

What am I missing?

What callback?

Well, there's no video this year.

So

we're probably going to hear from some people, but there's been a lot going on.

A lot going on.

Gonna have to do without video this year.

Yeah.

But certainly, we'll make up for that in sound effects, right?

Will we?

Lightning flashes.

I would like to edit this one.

Oh, you're going to do it yourself.

I know you guys are going away in October, so I thought I would take that off your plate so you can just not have to worry about it and just max and relax.

Wow.

On the beach.

Fucking guy.

What a friend, man.

It really is all right.

Fucking water's flown into his heart, making it 10 times bigger.

Basically, yeah.

I'm bloated on water.

Every organ is 10 times bigger now because of all the water I've drank.

Like a sponge.

Yeah, good.

Goes right to your cuck, huh?

And that's the only one.

Oh, that's it.

That's the one that doesn't swell up.

That's it.

That's like a water balloon.

Kind of nodded at the end.

So Halloween, Halloween, my favorite time of year.

Absolutely.

My favorite month is probably October just overall.

Agreed.

This summer was a bit of a gip.

Did you guys feel that?

Like, I felt like it started too late and ended so early.

It's been raining for fucking 10 days straight.

That, like, the

segue into Halloween's been forced upon me.

Normally, I look forward to this.

This year, I had to talk myself into it a little bit.

A little bit, huh?

I had to be like, come on, Brian.

Halloween parade's coming.

You know, it's your favorite thing.

Got to get psyched.

Got to get psyched.

I got to think of a costume.

We're traveling.

We're going to a Halloween-themed event.

Can't wait.

Can't wait.

It's going to be exciting.

All sorts of fun things.

Yeah, am I going to fly down to Hollywood Horror Nights one night with Flatone?

Yeah, I'm going to head down to that.

That'll be fun.

Yeah, it's going to be good.

So I'm back.

I'm in the Halloween spirit just in time for this episode.

Good to hear.

Yeah.

Good to hear.

Do you decorate your house?

Do you have Halloween decorations?

Already, I have jack-o'-lanterns cut outside.

I have.

Did you purchase them pre-cut?

No, no.

I cut them myself.

Really?

Did.

I got some.

I went back into Brian Johnson's old bag of tricks, got some corn stalks.

I was about to say, I saw some corn stalks the other day, and I was like,

I told Mary Beth, I reminisced a little bit about how you're riding my balls about them.

It's a young man.

You know, you got to learn.

You got to grow.

Couldn't appreciate corn stalks.

I wasn't a homeowner.

I didn't know how much.

I owe you an apology, and I'm willing to give it to you.

I mocked you for your corn stalk and your hay bale nigh 20 years ago.

Yeah, it was some time ago.

And now as a homeowner, I love going to Home Depot getting that hay bale.

I got some vintage Halloween decorating scissors up in the trees and stuff like that.

I'm surprised though that True allows you to carve

jack-o-lanterns because athletes, there is a thing in their contracts that they're not allowed to take part in any carving for fear that, you know, like especially like the quarterbacks

or, you know, or hockey players with their hands or everything, and they can't take a chance of a major injury, but what you know by of a slippage yeah i don't think

about me over at true tv

is what i think

you'd have your your it's only because people at true tv keep telling me they don't give a fuck about me that's mostly what leads yeah that's mostly why yeah they don't care i did go to the hospital i don't even recall this about is that five years ago i sliced my thumb wide open and i had to go get

carving a jack-o-lantern i had to go to the hospital i drove myself to the hospital i've never heard this story yeah i went uh I was carving a jack-o'-lantern.

How many years have we done the Halloween special?

I had to have mentioned this.

You just had to forget.

There's no way I didn't mention this.

I think this is the first time we're hearing this.

How did you save this for over 10 years?

And people are complaining.

There's no video?

Please.

Yeah,

I feel we did talk about this, but as I recall it,

because now it's got to be, I'm just pre-pandemic, probably three, six, six years ago, maybe.

I was definitely on the TV show.

Okay.

Because when I went to the hospital, I told them,

you know, my insurance and stuff like that.

I told them I was worked for the FDNY, and the doctor made a crack about that.

Because I don't want to go in there and be like, I'm on TV.

I was just associated.

Like, what do you do for a living?

And I was like, oh, retired.

I go retired firefighter.

And she was like, I think you do something a little more practical.

Like, that's something.

She got you.

Oh, you gotta like that though.

You gotta, that's a, that's a cool thing.

That's clever.

Yeah, that's not, at least, you know, that's a clever, nice way of saying, My thumb hurts.

You're messing with me.

I'm bleeding to you.

But I can't believe your agent hasn't gone in and

put a clause in there

saying that you're allowed to carve pumpkins.

Or like insures his fingers for like a million bucks.

Or only in October.

Then you've got to negotiate with True.

No pumpkin gun.

I saw it in September.

Well, now I learned to do two rounds.

What I do, Walt, is I do the initial late September round of jack-o'-lanterns, and then they start to rot.

I throw them in my yard where they grow future pumpkin plants that never survive.

And then

early October, mid-October, I'll go get more pumpkins and do a second round of jack-o'-lanterns.

So, how did the thumb turn out or the finger turn out?

Oh, well, it was fine.

I needed like four stitches, but I sliced it deep.

Like, it was one of the things where you're like, am I looking at bone?

And I can't believe you'll go back after that experience.

You can't stop me.

It's my favorite holiday.

i know but like i can't believe you just don't go down to like you know wawa and just get some get some guys to carve your your your track lanterns

should this one be scary senor

or do you want happy chocolate

told you vampire team

that happened to me i had to get plastic surgery though on my finger yeah when i was in high school there's a bar on the main street of of highlands and i was walking by it and i was pretending i was gonna like, I don't know what it was, I was fooling around with some friends.

We just left the basketball court, and I said, I'm gonna punch this window out.

I'm so mad, but I was just fucking around, and I went to punch it, and I didn't pull my hand fast enough, and I did punch it, and I punched it right out the window,

and it sliced this finger right here.

And I had to go to a plastic surgeon.

So, you're an artist, you would think that you need your hand.

You're the one that should have a protected hand, yeah.

But it was scary because you know, they said that came close to like not having any

feeling

in this, and that's my uh that's my finger that you a lot of work gets done with that finger

and then also i also another a carving instant not a pumpkin but a robo cop model i was gonna in into vinyl models for like two seconds and i thought i was gonna be the king of the model makers in highlands and i you probably were the first model i started

was

a Peter Weller Robocop model.

And the first thing you had to do was soak the helmet and carve away with an X-Acto knife all the excess plastic.

Fucking one second in,

sliced my finger.

Those little nubs.

My, I need more plastic surgery.

And that ended my model career.

Oh, really?

You were fucking after that?

Never built it, never finished it.

What is that today?

In a landfill.

Oh, you threw it out?

You didn't put it on in the attic.

out, yeah.

I was old.

I was in my 20s, though.

Is everyone going to?

You hurt my boy.

It's like, no.

You just threw it out.

Stick to Lego.

I'm trying to find a picture of my house.

I took one the other day.

You should stick to Legos, bro.

No hand slicing that.

Where you're going for Halloween, are you guys dressing up?

I wouldn't rule it out.

I hope to.

See, I got the ghosts out in front.

This is only halfway done.

Oh, wow.

So far.

That Frankenstein one i i found an estate sale there's like a wood frankenstein carve out i found at an estate sale yeah it looks like it it looks cool though it looks

like a seven feet like yes

definitely like uh a psychedelic vibe oh that's cool yeah and tall too it looks like yeah it's like seven feet high yeah it's like some motherfucker painted that if it was on under black light it looks like it would uh pop

the paint on that looks like

i i what i did was i i got um

so I bought this for everybody.

Listen, I bought these wooden decorations from an estate sale on Staten Island, and they're like Dracula, Frankenstein, all the switches.

And I, uh, and they were all handmade plywood cutouts, hand-painted stuff.

They don't look like,

you know, they look like somebody painted in their garage and I like extremely detailed, but I got the, what are that, that clear shit, that you clear coat stuff?

Oh, I just did it on some of the things.

Yeah, I lacquered them up and stuff like that.

They weatherproofed them for the future.

And I just bring them out every year.

Nice.

Yeah, I love it, dude.

It gets me excited more than christmas oh more than christmas yeah and you know the real downer of it is like you know nobody sees it but me

that isn't that all that matters yeah yeah yeah you know i wish though i could like because if i wasn't so why don't you just announce your uh your address right now and then all listeners can drive by and admire it

yeah guys hold on uh just had to no it's not that i mean like uh like like even the neighborhood halloween i shut the gates you remember remember they were stealing my lawn

years ago so now I shut the gates so it's like I have the spooky music playing I got the ghost I got the I got

the but I pull up the drawbridge and I enjoy it myself I would love to release the the alligators

but I would love I would love to be the that the Halloween house if I had stayed on the fire department I would be the neighborhood Halloween house that people like to go to.

You got to get to a maze to get to the front door and shit like that.

I love to see that, but

I don't have any desire to turn my house into that.

It just looks like a lot of work, and then you got to break it all down and you got to store it.

And everybody's stopping by your house, like if you live on sort of a well-traveled road.

Yeah.

Like, I thought about doing it too, but like, my front yard is too rolling, so, like, and too accessible to like that road.

So, anything I put out there, I'm like, somebody's going to steal it.

Like, I saw the Spirit of Halloween has this

leather face

full-size Texas chainsaw leather face with the pretty mask on.

Yeah.

It's 400 bucks, though.

Someone will steal that.

Yeah, somebody's going to steal that for sure.

Someone will steal that shit.

Not in your neighborhood.

You don't think so?

No.

Well, that's a pretty well-traveled road out in front of my house.

Like people driving by.

Private security driving around?

Yeah.

I got rid of the golf carts, so the security had to go with them.

Or why don't you just

make it part of Giddam's new work detail that during the month of October, he has to stay at your house?

Half an hour drive by.

And that's all he does is guard Leatherface, and everything else is fine.

Whatever.

It'll take care of itself.

He just doesn't dress kidding like Leatherface.

And I'm standing on the lawn.

That's true.

Let somebody try to steal him.

Now,

we're kind of vamping here because

we have a special Halloween guest phoning in.

And I have to ask,

when you tout your office coach as having over 140 IQ,

And he tells you that since your guest is going to be calling in from a different time zone,

you would pretty much almost guarantee that he would tell you the right time to show up, right?

You're saying so.

To coordinate with the guest who's in a different time zone.

140 plus IQ.

All right, we'll just say it 148.

He would know what time that person is calling in to get us here exactly around the time he should be calling in.

Not fucking two hours earlier.

I would say not two hours earlier, yeah.

And let me also add add that he chose not to have a mic during this, so he's not going to be able to protect himself or defend himself.

There really is no defense.

He fucked up, I guess, right?

Well, the thing that shocked me about this was

he knew there was a time difference, get him.

Yes.

But for some reason, he thought Chicago was an hour ahead of us.

Like it's located in the middle of the fucking Atlantic Ocean or something like that.

That was the only part.

Because anybody can make the time zone mistake.

And I blame myself too.

Partially,

this is my fault too because when he told me the time that we would have to be here if this person is is calling in at 1 p.m i said to myself well that doesn't make sense though because when the devils play in chicago they start at 8 30 rather than 7 30.

but i was like ah he's 148.

why question him

like why would i even question that like he's got to be right yeah and like you find that you know that's the spell the flanagans fell under though your wife you everybody yeah

So the guest that was supposed to call in 24 minutes ago is calling in an hour and 36 minutes from now.

I don't know if we have that much vampin in us.

TSD town time.

That's the way time runs in TSD town.

It's flexible.

It is.

It is.

It's better than island time.

I'm standing.

Anybody can mess up the time zone.

Just to fuck it up in the opposite direction is the part that I don't understand.

There is no time zone east of new york that's not you know england

and then it happened to everybody listening at home like we had the realization that uh this guest wasn't calling in for two hours because because get him fucked up but like none of us went after get him And I was like, wow, I was like, everybody was like, kind of shrugged it off.

I was like, all right, well, we'll just record the episode.

And I was like, wow, I was like, everybody's being kind of cool to get him.

Like, he fucked up.

I was like, but nobody's, I didn't realize, I should have known you were just waiting for the microphone to stand.

I want

before we brought it up.

What's the point of haranguing him privately?

Because if you abuse a tree in the woods and nobody's around to hear it,

did you really abuse that tree?

Is it abuse or just kind of like, you know.

It's the facts.

It's not.

And pulling it out, I think, in a humorous way.

You know, no one's brow beating or like stomping their feet or

not yet.

No, not yet.

I mean, if this, if this person winds up not calling in, oh, that'll come.

Yeah, yeah.

Rather quick.

He just fucks up the interview in any way, shape, or form.

You said Tuesday?

No.

Has he responded to your request to call in a little earlier?

Is it Tuesday in Chicago?

I think it's October in Chicago.

Yeah.

We're too late.

You guys messed up.

It's still September.

It's September in New Jersey.

It's October in Chicago.

So that's why he's not calling.

You see how we kept trying to change the topic, too?

Well, video games.

Anything he did not talk about at the time.

I didn't notice that.

He was scrambling to talk about something different.

Talking about iPhone cases, anything he could not to address it.

It's a Halloween, Brian.

What do you got?

Halloween.

So this is hot off the presses.

Thanks to Giddem.

I will give Giddem credit.

He sent this to me.

Wildlife experts advise against using fake spider webs as Halloween decor.

Ooh, and that's a staple.

Kew, I saw some fake spider webs in your

that wasn't.

No, that's

ghostly gauze.

Ghostly gauze.

So yeah, I have some bushes and stuff covered with ghost gauze.

Not spider webs.

Although I have used it in the past.

Yeah, I think a lot of people do.

Well, tell us why we shouldn't be doing that any longer.

You want to know because fake spider webs can entangle hummingbirds, owls,

butterflies, bees, and small critters.

I got all of them in my backyard.

I saw a hummingbird the other day.

Yeah.

I was shocked.

Yeah.

I thought they were tropical.

That's how much.

I don't know, man.

All those creatures, though, I mean, they got to deal with real spider webs.

And you're telling me that the fake ones are more

pretty strong, aren't they?

Fake ones?

They can hold a hummingbird when not in the Amazon.

Or an owl?

Come on, if an owl gets stuck.

Well, I mean, if it gets all tangled up, though, it says these...

He got like beaks that can fucking shred steel, I thought.

No.

The animals are dying of injury, starvation, or

predation.

Unless they are rescued and rehabilitated.

Synthetic spider webs are often made with plastic-based materials that aren't biodegradable.

Yeah, they're not good for the environment, I guess.

And that could pose a threat to to wildlife if winds blow the fake ebbing into other areas and they don't break as easily as real spider webs.

They trap creatures by entangling their wings and limbs.

Oh man, what a bummer.

Yeah.

Can a fireworks, can F fake cobwebs?

Well, I don't know what you do about the cobwebs, but I was telling Walt some time ago over 4th of July that I saw that they do drone shows now instead of fireworks to like.

They look impressive, too.

They look really cool.

Yeah.

And having never been a fan of fireworks myself and Sage not being a fan, like, I'm okay with drone shows.

That means you can go to the fair and it doesn't like, and it's not scaring every fucking animal in the entire county.

Yeah, that's the part, right?

Or confusing birds or like whatever the fuck they do.

Yeah.

Plus drone show, you know, you feel like you're living in the future.

You see a drone show.

Yeah, I don't mind it.

I mean,

I like fireworks on TV, but actually being in a fireworks, it's just it's too crowded.

There's too many people.

There's too many people going, ooh nah.

Too many hoopleheads.

A lot of hoopleheads got all excited about lights in the sky.

Don't you think it's weird, though, that it took to 2023 for people to figure it out?

You would think that would have been something that would have came up immediately.

Oh, I think that it just took 2023 for people to give a shit.

I think people knew and they're like, ah, fuck them.

Yeah.

We also have

the yearly.

Seasonal 15 offensive Halloween costumes that shouldn't exist.

Oh, rude.

Oh, here we go.

Right.

Now, normally I go to good housekeeping as I did this year.

And I have to say this.

Marcy Robin and Liz Schumer are really resting on their laurels on this.

Just reprinting a little bit.

This list.

Updated June 6th, 2023.

So they put a new date on it.

But it's the same exact shit.

It's the same stuff that, like, I don't know who needs to be.

Look, if you need to be told not to wear this stuff,

you're already a couple steps behind.

Or they're going to be like, hey, you can't be a Holocaust victim.

And somebody's gonna be like you yes i am right so it's like i don't know why these lists like who are they there to inform they're there should my child go out dressed as and frank i don't know and maybe and frank with blackface perhaps like everybody knows they don't need to be told by good housekeeping like and who is the demographic for good housekeeping like aren't they like post-menopausal women I don't know.

I mean, I think people of all ages like good housekeeping.

I think.

What do you think?

you don't think there's some portion

of the population who

need to be told or need to be like brought to their attention like, hey,

you know, they're, I mean, they're, come on, you can think those are the people that are going to do it anyway.

Oh, I'm not.

No, I'm not.

Because you'll always be shocked.

Saddened.

Yeah.

But who, I'm sure Native American.

This is the thing, though.

It's like, I don't know who these,

like to me, if, like, I, if I'm in Manhattan and like, there's a bunch of like girls walking around dressed like Native Americans and they're looking really good, like, I'm not going to wag my finger.

I mean, be like, how?

How, baby, how?

Yeah, like, I'm not going to clutch any pearls or anything.

Start doing a rain dance.

Shaking his rain sticks behind him.

Here we go.

Yeah.

I think we decided that some time ago, that you got to pass if you're a hot chick for the Native American dresses.

I hope so.

I hope the world

changes that.

I mean, look, in a perfect world,

it's an actual Native American girl.

I think that's wonderful.

You know, you know, dressing up,

dressing up a little sexy as your ancestors.

Yeah, why not?

I like that.

I wouldn't mind, like, if I was dating some girl and she came out with like Italian gondolier

with a hat, but like a half shirt, striped shirt or something like that, with a jar of pasta.

That's

I say metabol.

Let's say you're going to a

little chef boy RD.

I want to get offended.

A Halloween gala.

You're invited to a big premiere Halloween gala where you're going to have to take pictures as you walk into it.

And your partner

is

dressed as an Indian.

Yeah, I'd probably have to.

You would have to be like, you're going to have to get a different person.

I mean, look, man.

I got to be honest with you.

I don't give a fuck.

I like it.

And I think you look great.

This heat's not going to be working.

I'm like, can't you be a slutty nurse or

slutty Italian gondolier?

They're They're heroes.

Can you be sexy nurse and not diminish the can't you just be a 19th century prostitute?

Blacking a tooth or something like that and still kind of ruddy your face.

Yeah, like what about like

one of the like, you know, like a cartoon character.

That would just be like Supergirl or back.

Nobody's gonna get upset at that.

Yeah, sexy supergirl is, to me, the most classic possible

sexy superhero outfit is Supergirl with a little skirt.

Then you get this little...

Ooh, that Batgirl movie was shelved.

You can't be Batgirl because they had to shelve that Batgirl movie.

So, yeah, so it may not be.

Maybe Minnie Mouse.

Minnie Mouse might be okay.

That might be okay.

Yeah, yeah.

I think that'll be all right.

Look.

Sexy Minnie Mouse.

Sexy Minnie Mouse.

I mean, come on.

Nobody, nobody out there wants these girls to not dress.

It's still one crude dress.

It's still one day a year where it's like, I thought all bets were off as far as anything else is concerned.

Well, you're supposed to be tricking the spirits to not who you, to be who you are, right?

That's where it came from.

You dress up so the spirits that are looking for you can't find you.

So if you're a slut to begin with, you should be dressing up like a Mormon.

I would say like a sexy Mormon, but yeah.

Sexy Mormon.

It is Halloween.

Why does everything have to be sexy, though?

Why can't it be frumpy?

You don't got a question.

From the nurse.

It doesn't have to be a girlfriend.

Or a frumpy supergirl.

I'm sure.

I mean, there are some.

They just don't know it.

They think they're sexy supergirl.

But, like, yeah, like, why can't you just label it as what, like, on the package, you go to Spirit Halloween?

Yeah, frumpy supergirl.

Well, what does it consist of?

Like, a baggy,

like, it's a knee, it's below-the-knee-length red skirt, yeah.

And it's like a little baggy, it's like a potato sack type thing.

Well, it's very loose-fitting, yeah.

It's not like spandex-y at all.

The colors are muted.

Yeah,

it's like they're washed out

In big bold letters, no cape.

Knuckets!

Don't you want the cape to cover as much of the lumps as the frumps and the lumps?

I think the frugality wins out.

They're like, yeah, we just, we're not including a cape.

It's too expensive and too big.

It draws too much attention to you.

Yeah.

If you have a cape on.

I think there's a room for that on Halloween as well.

People are going to snatch it off you and think you're a bull.

I try to.

Trumpy supergirl.

Yeah.

the older I get, the more evolved I get as a person.

The one thing that will never leave me is my love of sexy Halloween costumes.

I saw a comment from a listener who said that out of the three of us, my God, who's breathing like that?

Well, he's not on a mic at least.

Okay.

But I can hear it, though.

Even from even without the mic.

I feel like you're running a marathon.

But that you, out of the three of us, are the only one who has evolved since the the beginning.

You have grown as a person while me and Brian have

stagnated or

regressed.

How so?

I don't know.

It was just that there was no backup, but I kind of looked at it and I was like, you know, that's probably accurate.

I wouldn't say that we've regressed.

No, no, no.

Maybe Q evolved the most.

Yeah, staying the same.

What's wrong with that?

As

you grow older, you would hope that you gain more and more wisdom each and every day.

Well, I mean, I don't know.

Brian's got married.

I don't know that.

What do you mean?

Married?

Bought a house.

Take care of a kid.

How much more fucking advanced do you need me to be?

Think about when I started the goddamn show.

Yeah, he was a drug-added.

Drug-added fool.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, well, I haven't fucking gotten better at all.

Yeah, I don't.

Who is this person?

Bring him to me.

A nameless, anonymous.

Faceless aunt,

afraid to expose himself with these opinions.

I wonder why.

But back to your list.

Get back to your list.

Back to the list.

Halloween.

Okay, now we still got three answers.

I grew up in the 70s and 80s.

I don't, yeah.

Aside from like, if you're an unhoused Purish person, what they would call these days, a bum, we used to call them back in the day, or hobo.

Hobo.

You know, you would like.

Tramp.

Yeah, a tramp.

You would take some burnt cork and chalk out, put it on your face a little bit so it looks like you're dirty.

That's the closest I remember anybody ever coming to something resembling blackface any at all ever growing up.

But for some reason they still think in 2023 they have to tell you blackface is never okay.

Never ever.

Not under any circumstances.

And then they go on to say because inevitably, Brian, this Halloween, you will see someone

trotting around in blackface.

Right.

So what they're gonna be like, I didn't know.

So what good did what good does good house?

No, they're gonna be like, I can't believe

I can't believe this.

I didn't know that I shouldn't do this.

There's going to be somebody.

Every year there's some idiot who gets caught.

Right.

And

they can't defend

the indefensible logic and choice.

They're still going by things that we saw in 2013.

Okay, so a full 10 years ago.

They're like, avoid caricatures like this.

And then they name a couple different people.

But like, the last person I remember getting busted for being in Blackface is Justin Trudeau, the Prime Minister of Canada.

He's literally the last guy I remember being called out for like, hey, what's with the Blackface?

All right, hold on, hold on.

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Happy Halloween.

Transphobic costumes.

Now this is

this one can get messed up.

That's tough because it's always been since the dawn of time.

It is funny for a dude to get in a dress.

It is.

Right?

Milton Burrell.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Uncle Milty.

Yeah, but like that's like trans people don't own that.

Like

don't own that.

That's not what makes you trans is the clothes you wear.

It's how you feel inside.

So it's like well they do specify here if your outfit makes fun of a marginalized group of people.

So I guess simply dressing up as a woman isn't really making fun of a transgender.

But like their specific example here is Tranny Granny.

And it's an old woman

who uses a transphobic slur right in the name.

But I mean, I don't...

I think it's just the name.

If it just said like...

Granny.

Granny?

Yeah.

If it just said granny, yeah, you would...

You would definitely not know.

I mean, looking at the picture, it's just like a dude holding a broom.

I think it's good to be sensitive and like, but I don't think that that that is, I think that's a big ask to be like, no guy dressed as a girl for Halloween.

It's not going to happen anyway.

I just don't think you, you know, you need a little bit more nuance than that.

Number four, the COVID-19 pandemic.

Not funny, guys.

Oh, God.

Like, I think that, I think it's a lame costume to begin with, but I think people would be okay with you going out as a COVID-19 germ or virus or whatever.

I mean, I saw that.

It was the, it was the spore, right?

It was like the ball and with the red, like felt little things.

And I saw some people dress like that over the course yeah yeah that guy

I mean I understand

why you would put that on the list but

but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right I don't feel look we all went through it together and I don't feel I have the right to tell people how they should process it if part of your processing is dressing up like a COVID virus for Halloween it's not like he's like it's the AIDS virus

you know what I mean and he's bouncing around the Westville dressing an AIDS A's virus.

I might be like, well, dude, that's a little bit like, come on, man.

But if, like, you're going as a cancer tumor or you're going as a COVID thing, I don't get the costume, but like, at least it's a shared experience.

Yeah.

Resist the urge to dress up as a medical hazard suit, anything resembling a virus or a victim of the virus itself.

Generic doctor and nurse costumes are fine.

People love why.

They just love to tell you what the fuck they do.

Love to tell you.

I know you should live your life.

I know.

And this is how I live my life.

So you should live yours exactly the same way.

example.

I'm just a bug about it, too.

It's unfucking believable.

It's like, fuck you.

How about I just dress like a virus if I want?

Yeah, I'm going to dress like a transgender virus that's also fat.

From the virus.

From the virus.

You got it.

Body shaving and objectifying costumes.

When it comes to disrespecting women, this costume gets it wrong on several levels.

And it's a guy sitting on an inflatable.

fat stripper with disrespectful.

I'm not disrespecting women.

If that was a sumo wrestler, you wouldn't be like, I'm disrespecting sumo wrestlers i don't know think about it this way if you wouldn't say it to a friend's face don't wear it as a halloween costume

well that's certainly not a good metric in this room yeah i know right

cultural stereotypes of course if your child intends to pay homage to beloved disney character say moana or pocahontas take care to dress with sensitivity so in other words don't dress up like pocahontas or moana if you're not either native american or what was Moana?

Well they said take care.

So they're saying it's not off the table but just make sure you do it tastefully.

Skip sombrero and poncho combo, Native American headdresses, kimonos and grass skirts with a coconut top.

Fuck you.

If you're telling me that my girl can't dress up in a com in a grass skirt and a coconut top, I'm telling you to go fuck yourself.

What?

I don't understand the kimono one.

Kimonos are wonderful.

They're comfortable.

They're Japanese, I guess.

They're not for you, Whitey.

I have a kimono i like it we're done we just got canceled

thank god this wasn't live i know

you're gonna have to be skillful while editing this walnut i wouldn't have walked into this landmine if a fucking guest was here yeah that's true

now my career's over any word nothing really

no okay

so uh don't go dressed up as a terrorist with a with a american missile going through your head i don't see why not dressing up as osama bin laden dylan roof Roof, or even a generic member of ISIS are all in extremely poor taste.

Don't make light of tragedies.

And while we're at it, let's cross off the list people like Hitler, Putin, or anything that involves the Confederate flag.

Yeah, try telling people.

That's new to the list.

I think that's new.

So it was updated.

Can I do Gorbachev?

They added Putin's name.

Gorbachev.

You could do Gorbachev.

I mean, you're going to be hard-pressed for anybody.

You're going to have to tell everybody who you are.

I mean, that little red stick,

yeah, a little red makeup on your forehead ain't going to be enough, I don't think.

All right.

Understand that you want to pay homage to one of your dearly departed faves.

Go wild with your best Ziggy Stardust, your Purple Rain outfit, or even Amy Winehouse buffant.

But don't add zombie makeup.

It's always too soon to wear anything reminiscent of someone's corpse.

Oh, my God.

Shots.

So you can't go as a mummy?

No, I guess not.

No, no, they're saying to a to a celebrity.

Don't zombify a dead celebrity.

You can go as the dead celebrity.

You don't consider King Tut a celebrity?

I mean.

They're saying it's never.

Never, ever.

The only thing that I associate with celebrity is that song by Steve Martin.

Yeah.

The hot tub?

Yeah, because otherwise nobody really knows.

No.

Hot tub.

Yeah, wasn't that the King Tut thing?

Like, he had a hot tub in it.

The Steve Martin, wasn't he dancing in the title?

Oh, the King Tut.

I thought you were talking about the real King Tut.

No, it's not about the Steve Tart.

Steve Martin King Tut.

Because nobody knows what King Tut even looked

right but

you probably look like steve martin

there there

eating disorders skeleton dress with a measuring belt tape measuring tape belt to cinch the waist this is the same it's the same

animal cruelty which i'm just like the dentist who slaughtered cecil the lion yeah we hardly remember it we all tried to forget it but you're gonna want to bring it up every year don't dress up like him who the fuck would aside from an asshole uh also off the table costumes that involve animal shelters and euthanasia.

Hunting get-ups with graphic accessories or anything you wouldn't want your children to come across while out there collecting candy.

Again, I've yet to see any costumes involving...

And I mean, you go to the big parades for Halloween.

Have you ever seen anybody that's like, hey, I want to involve animal shelters and euthanasia in my

not?

No.

That's the theme.

Yeah.

Mentally ill people?

Aren't we all, though?

Everybody.

Every single one of us.

So no Hannah Balector.

No.

Well, that's a fictional character.

Michael Myers?

Fictional.

You're good.

You're good on a fictional.

Son of Sam?

No.

Don't marginalize him, man.

Son of Sam.

He's out, right?

David Chapman?

No.

David Chapman costume.

What about John Wilkes Booth?

Historical figure.

It's been enough time.

Like, I'm John Wilkes Booth, and like, I bring a date, and she's slutty Lincoln.

Yes.

Yeah, we can do that.

Yeah.

You can make jokes, inappropriate jokes, and I'll blow the top of your head off tonight, baby.

But not with this gun if you get my drift.

John Wilkes Booth, bitch.

I like it.

I dig it.

So, but I mean, it also, whatever you do, don't zombify them.

You can go as them, but if you zombify them, then you're sexy Lincoln and John and John Wilspoo.

Yeah.

All right.

I got to make some calls.

Sexual harassment.

Frank the Flasher.

Now, if you remember, I went to one of your early parties back when you were at the

Flasher.

I was a Flasher, yeah.

They're saying

these could trigger people who have dealt with harassment themselves, so don't risk it.

That was the 90s.

It was a different time.

It's a different time, yeah.

Yeah.

An unhoused person, and here you go.

Here's the

young bum we were talking about earlier.

Buns!

You'll always lose.

You saw, let's say you went to San Francisco right now.

There's a big homeless population out there, right?

Oh, yeah.

And they were all.

You're not going to find one that's dressed like that.

That looks like a cigar.

She looks like an elf

from a different, like from Nardia and shit.

Top hat with like the top.

He does act like a cam.

He looks like a character out of Alice in Wonderland.

But you know what?

If he squatted and dropped a deuce though on the street, though, if he dressed like that,

I'd be like, oh,

let him go.

He's cute.

Little biggie.

That's what he's carrying in his bindle.

He's an okay guy.

He cleaned it up and put it in his bindle.

Oh, he's looking at

that.

Oh, he's a dollar.

National tragedies you don't want to make fun of.

Okay.

Two people.

Remember those two people who dressed up at the Twin Towers after 9-11?

Cringe.

Still bringing that up.

They still bring up from over 10 years.

I mean, maybe even 20 years ago now, yeah.

The same principle applies to Boston Marathon bombings, any and all mass shootings, the storming of the Capitol building, and the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic.

One more time for the people in the back, because you're so stupid, everybody.

Making light of tragedy isn't funny.

I thought from tragedy comes humor, though, isn't it?

That's the way it comes.

Well, that's because your job is to find humor in things.

Their job is to wag fingers and go with this list of what comes out.

Come down on me.

Black Lives Matter movement or any other social justice movement, don't do it.

Do not do it.

I wouldn't say any other one, but I definitely wouldn't touch Black Lives Matter with a 10-foot pole.

No.

I mean, this one, for some reason, it's a witch costume with a, and it says Black Lives Matter with a fist on the back.

I don't know how that's offensive.

That seems to be supporting the movement.

Yeah, that seems very maybe the pimp hat is the problem.

That's a witch hat.

That's not a problem.

Oh, no, it was cut off, so it did look like a pimp hat.

Yeah, that just looks like a socially conscious witch.

That's 15.

But if you go to BuzzFeed, this lady says,

Please, I am literally on my knees begging you, do not wear any of these Halloween costumes this year.

Okay, I'm not gonna read all 23 because some of them repeat, obviously.

I think we got the time if you want to do all 23.

He's still haven't heard from our guest.

Yeah, so is he calling in in 10 minutes or he's calling in in an hour and 10 minutes?

I think it's three hours.

Okay, I think it's an hour and 10 minutes.

So, this is actually the 2024 Halloween special.

Oh, thanks.

Good.

Please don't go as the queen.

Q, I know that you're into England and London and the Royals.

Mrs.

Five is going to be devastated.

She said that that's what she was going.

She was going to go as the queen?

Zombie queen or just the queen?

Don't go as the queen.

No matter how you feel about her, it's too.

Frank was going to be Prince Andrew or Prince Harry or one of those princes.

Oh, yeah, the one that dressed as the Nazi.

No one that likes tampons.

Oh, that's the dead.

Charles.

Especially don't go as a dead or zombie version of the queen, Q.

Okay.

I got to be honest, if I saw that walking down the street, I would not care in the slightest.

Don't go as the

COVID-19 vaccine either.

The vaccine even?

The vaccine even?

Because that's kind of clever because you can make a lot of jokes.

Yeah.

Let me give you a shot, baby.

Yeah.

Let me inject you with a bunch of stuff.

That's not just good stuff.

I'll be like a booster, baby.

Stuff that make you right.

Yeah.

You know, you legally have to take this if you want to work in this.

Who are you following down the street saying this to?

That's what I'm wondering.

Continuing the COVID-19 thing, don't go as an anti-vaxxer.

Don't joke about things that have caused death.

And it's a lady in a fucking bathrobe that just has signs tacked to her, like pinned to her, that says, I think the science is still out on this.

I heard vaccines cause autism.

Is that offensive to you again?

No, he doesn't care.

It's all a government conspiracy.

Don't believe it.

I think there's one person who did that who's just like the most massive troll who thinks they're funny.

Right.

And somehow it got on social media.

And then, you know, they think there's a legion of people doing this.

And especially don't go as an anti-vaxxer with a dead child.

I can't believe I just had to type that.

I don't think you did have to type it, to tell you the truth.

Oh, wait.

There's a picture of a lady going to a costume party tonight as Karen and her non-vaccinated child.

All right, well, let me see that.

It's kind of funny.

It's a skeleton.

I mean, it's just a plastic skeleton.

See, now I'm surprised because that's like saying, like, hey, you better get the vaccine or you're, you know, it's almost like a form of waving, wagging the finger.

That's on the narrative, the approved narrative.

Yeah, I think so.

Oh, it's on the approved one.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

No, no, no, no.

No, it's not approved.

Love the general get vaccinated statement.

Hate the venue for it.

As a rule, it's not great.

It's not best to make jokes about dead children what a fucking party this lady must be don't do this don't do that well i mean in her heart and finger wagging in her defense i mean she's right i mean it's it's rare that a even though a skilled comedian has going to have a hard time making good jokes about dead children uh just look at the text chain with me and troy and you'll see that's totally not true

don't go with anything related to monkeypox Wow.

I forgot about monkeypox.

So did everyone else.

Yeah.

Except for this lady.

This lady thinks for some reason that monkeypox is a a big deal.

You're not even allowed to go, according to this woman, plague doctor.

Old school plague doctor.

You can't do that?

Fuck that.

That's so cool looking, man.

It looks awesome.

Oh, that beak mask.

And the thing is, or any kind of plague, that's all they say.

Or any kind of plague doctor.

Just don't do it.

It's like, what the fuck?

What's the reason?

They have to fill a certain amount of words in this column every year.

And this is a shit.

They're digging back to the black plague to finger wag at you.

It says here.

Yeah.

I mean, come on.

There's no reach too far back that they won't try to grab.

This goes for years, but I have to mention it because somehow it's still happening.

Don't go as a race.

Like, don't go as a racist character of a Mexican person.

It shows a guy gone a sombrero and

the whole wrap and a gun in his hand and a bottle of tequila.

Now, let's say I'm like...

This year I'm going out as Alex for Halloween.

He's a Mexican guy.

Oh, I'm talking about the kid from Shriner.

oh, no, young Alec.

I got my blankie.

But I've met Alex a bunch, and he doesn't wear a sombrero

and that blanket over there.

He doesn't when you see him, but at home, I bet you like when he's getting comfortable and shit, he's just hanging out,

pops on the sombrero.

I don't think you're going to sell that one.

Okay.

Okay, don't wear the headdress.

We talked about that.

Don't go in blackface.

We talked about that.

Stay away from being a Playboy bunny, especially if you're going out as a group

costume.

Holly bringing you a bunch of people.

Look at Q's face, man.

That just.

Why?

Who's to tell these girls how to dress?

This lady.

That's outrageous.

You can't tell women that's a dress.

That's all that's come out about Playboy this year.

I guess, did Playboy take some hits or something?

Some things came out about.

Wait, was there sex going on at that Playboy mansion?

What?

You don't say.

Don't tell women how they can dress on Halloween.

I don't like it one bit.

No.

Another woman telling women how they can dress because it came out about Playboy.

Well, I guess I think one of the ladies was complaining.

One of the Holly woman, I think she was saying that some shit was going on with Hugh Hefner.

She was forced to be his girlfriend.

I have no doubt.

Something like that.

Yeah, but we're going to throw out the fucking baby with the bathwater.

No, this is dead.

This is...

Yeah, I know.

It's...

Heaven?

For you, for you, or you think he's got a special.

I mean, if I had to vote

just based on my interactions with the guy.

You met him?

No.

Oh, okay.

But he supplied me with a lot of good things in my life.

I'd be like, I don't know.

I don't know all that other stuff.

I'm not sure on the details.

If you get into heaven if you start that magazine, it's a big fucking obstacle for them to overlook.

Why?

You objectified women.

The way I look at it, some women got fucking paid.

Art, too.

I mean,

it's supposed to be considered art, yeah.

I know, but I mean.

It wasn't Penthouse or Hustler.

It was Playboy.

Without Playboy, do you get penthouse and hustler?

No, probably not.

Or maybe somewhere down the road.

Yeah, I think someone, considering that in ancient Rome, you could dig up pots with like dicks and pussies and tits on it, that somebody would have came along.

We should make a magazine about this.

Yeah, it'll never work.

We could make one called Frumpy.

Why not?

Yeah.

Yeah.

All models must be Frumpy.

Oh, that'd be great, a Frumpy.

But it's got to be a celebratory thing.

It can't be made for fun of them.

Yeah.

Or it just, or call it Crumpy, and it's just sexual

erotic photos of crumpy oh my god the elf are we gonna be able to get this calendar made or what

and finally we put we get we try to recoup some of our massive investment yeah in crumpy try to win it back with dated calendars

nobody's buying the calendar god damn it

four figures in the hole with crumpy right now people have not been supportive of crumpy it's been disappointing

don't go as anything related to the will smith Oscar slap.

Come on.

Especially if you're a white person.

Yeah, that was your Christmas card, did him.

And I do not, I repeat, do not go as Johnny Depp and Amber Heard.

Again, why?

But can I go as Captain Jack Sparrow?

Definitely.

Yeah, right.

And can I go as any number of characters that she played?

Like,

I don't remember.

Wasn't she?

She was in a superhero thing, wasn't she?

Aquaman.

She was an Aquaman.

Okay.

Mary, yeah.

I don't know how that new Aquaman's going to do with all the controversy.

You know, just hanging all over it can you go support an Aquaman movie I mean I probably were it wasn't

you know

yeah why not I mean

she's not even in the trailer but one shot you wouldn't have reshot just recast the role and done all reshoots uh

I don't think she's in it that much I mean I think they're in a damned if they do damned if they don't situation I think yeah any more money they fucking pump into this dog is a fucking waste of time let's just release this guy.

Yeah, the Flash did great.

Old Field did great.

Let's just get Aquaman out there, guys.

Close the door on this.

Slam the door in this fucking universe.

Anymore?

Because I have my top five fears, if you guys want to guess it for Halloween.

Really?

Well, let me run through this real fast.

Don't go to anything related.

Don't go to anything related to Roe versus Wade or abortion.

And that has, I mean, it does have a picture of a guy with a butcher's

apron and a knife and a lady with it.

That's pretty fucking hardcore.

That's pretty hardcore right there, yeah.

I don't know.

It's gruesome.

It's like it's Halloween for Christ's sakes.

This is why I always dress as a Ghostbuster Walt.

Nobody's going to fucking ever.

Safe.

Ever come down on me for that.

Don't wear a handmaid's tail costume that hits a little too close to home right now.

I don't even know what that means.

How?

I think that's a TV show.

Yeah, doesn't say.

Stay away from politicians like Ted Cruz and Mitch McConnell, even if you're making fun of them.

I mean, this lady's just like looking around the room and being like, well, what else should we address up as?

I mean, for fuck's sake.

Why don't we just outlaw Halloween?

Yeah, be done with it.

It's too risky.

This is all people

to do what they want.

Scary.

Well, here's that Putin costume we were all wondering about.

Is this a suit?

No, it's a piggyback Putin costume.

You can't pretend that you're riding Putin piggyback because I guess there was that picture of him on the horse.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I mean, Jesus.

Like, it's like, at least explain why.

Don't be a cop.

Stay away from being part of the SWAT team.

Don't go anything with the word slave in the name.

This includes off-brand I Dream of Genie costumes.

Off-brand?

So you can only support the on-brand ones?

I guess so.

Universal TV.

I wonder who subsidized this article.

They don't want girls running around dressed like I Dream of Genie.

I guess not.

Well, anything that's

implies the slave.

And Giddam, I'm sure, will agree with this one.

Don't go go as any kind of sexualized children's costume like a sexy minion.

Yeah, and he was, he was, Giddam was mad about uh

Jesse and uh

who else was it?

Jesse and Woody, yeah, being sexy.

Why?

Because

it kind of like sends the wrong message to kids.

It sexualizes if they see it around Halloween, if they see, you know, a chick as a sexy minion with a, you know, with a thong on,

a small children will then equate

that

with their favorite thing, thus, you know, putting them, making them have to think and deal with things that they shouldn't have to deal with at such an early age.

You got to grow up sometime.

Fucking look at that girl dressed like that sexy minion.

Look at her.

She looks great.

And this is her Springer's final thought.

What costumes are you, like me, fearful to see your problematic Uncle Frank or your boyfriend's annoying friend dress up as this year.

Let us know in the comments.

No girls mentioned, even though there's plenty of female costumes in here.

The final one being the sexy schoolgirl outfit.

Wait, they don't want the sexy school, they don't want it, they're done with it.

I mean, come, come on, guys.

Uh, so Walt, you're saying that you have your top five fears?

Yeah, can you guys guess the things I'm most

was or am most you personally?

Yeah, oh, well, change

has changed,

yeah, oddly enough, different offices.

I didn't have that down, but you know what?

Yeah, I may have to rethink the list.

I thought that would be number one.

No, it wasn't.

Yeah, no.

All right.

Wow, what do you think?

Okay, what was the question?

Sorry, I was.

Yeah, what are my top five fears that maybe I'm not so much now, but still when I think about it, you know, think back then it was a major fear and some that are still

relevant.

I mean, I would say flying right out of the gate.

Flying.

Slash driving.

Driving?

Oh, Oh, really?

Yeah.

You've gotten afraid of driving?

Well, I was terrified of driving.

Oh, in the beginning.

Yeah, you know, and I've heard that I was kind of on the forefront, you know, of being scared to drive because now with

young kids, you know, there's a lot of young kids who, when they get to the age of when they're ready to start driving, they refuse to do it because they're terrified of it.

It's too much anxiety.

So like, I was kind of like, you know, out there.

You're a pioneer.

Yeah, for like raising the flag.

Pioneer of fear.

That's too scary.

Behind the wheel?

That's where you want me to get.

I've never heard that.

I mean, most people I know just can't wait to get their driver's license.

There is a large segment of the population.

Like a lot of people I talk to, you know, I'm finding out more and more that, you know, they know young people.

I think that's more of a recent thing, though, because everybody, everybody.

I come into contact with so many more people than you realize, MQ.

And a lot of them.

And a lot of them tell me that, like, hey, I know this, my niece, or this, or my nephew, or this, that, and this, and that, like, they're terrified to drive too.

So, you know, you're not alone.

You're not some like freak.

You're not some like,

you know, like scared little pussy that should be fucking

they say this to you.

That should be made an example of.

In order to defend their kids' own fearfulness, they're like, don't worry, Walt.

You were right all along.

I've conquered it, though.

You know, and I'm not scared at all now to get behind the wheel.

It's the other people you scare when you're behind the wheel.

Forget them.

Coming in at number four,

bugs.

Bugs, really?

I was going to say spiders, but I don't know if that fell underneath.

I know it.

You know, technically, you know, there's some there fellowship.

You know, 48.

He's like, writing his tongue, he's bleeding like crazy.

I can tell you, a spider is not technically a bug, but in my house, that's a fucking bug.

It's a bug, and if it's squashable, it's a bug.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I've always had a fear of bugs, especially if they're on me.

Yeah, I would say, like, if you're going to be that pedantic about it, why don't you be

pedantic about fucking time zones and get that right?

When I'm vamping for two fucking hours instead of worrying about whether a spider is a fucking bug.

What else you're scared of, Walt?

Those are two common ones, though, I would say.

Flying and bugs are pretty common.

Driving, though.

Driving, no, you're the only person, really.

But in today's society, like especially having a younger wife and knowing of her anxieties and fears and like my niece, who's like roughly the same age, it's like this, that generation is like fucking afraid of everything.

They don't want to answer a door.

They don't want to answer a phone.

It's like, it's a whole thing to do anything with these people.

Yeah, oh, yeah.

But why?

Like, was it just social anxiety?

Social anxiety, yeah, because they're raised on the internet.

They're not raised like, you know, coming face to face with people all the time, like Walt here.

Wow.

I never thought of that before.

You're not learning those social skills.

Yeah.

And that's causing people to get anxious about it.

Yeah, because then when they do have to go out, like Mary Beth finally got on medication a couple years ago, she was like, if I had this in college, I would have done so much better.

Like socially, you know.

Really?

Yeah.

I wouldn't bring that up with you.

Yeah.

She's like, I would have done much, much,

much better.

Much.

I don't know if I needed that seven much.

Okay, all right, I get it.

Brian, look at me.

Much.

Read my lips.

Much.

Coming in at number three, male intimacy.

Oh, yeah.

Good for you.

Good for you.

Aren't we all?

He's not lying, folks.

Give him a hug once.

I heard about it.

The last time he made that mistake.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it probably all goes back to the,

you know, the father-son relationship.

Yeah.

And I would say it probably bleeds over into, you know, if I'm being honest, all forms of intimacy, there was definitely some level of

stunted

or,

you know,

there was an effect by that, I think.

Oh, there has to be, man.

Yeah.

You weren't raised in a

typical loving environment.

My mom, I was.

Well, that's what I mean.

Typical mother-father type thing.

Yeah.

I get it, man.

That's Halloween.

This Halloween fucking episode just got real.

Look at you evolving.

Right?

Frank's got something to prove now.

What, this guy thinks I'm the same as 13 years ago?

Coming in at number two, talking to strangers.

Okay.

Yeah, like kind of having to meet new people and then have a conversation.

Yeah.

like I wish to avoid that really as much as possible always have still haven't conquered it like driving

This is like this is social anxiety shit.

This is like everything that Mary Beth tells me about she doesn't like doing it either.

Yeah, she's same exact thing.

Yeah, it's like this is social anxiety that people have and you weren't very social when you were young.

No, like it was like

you had to drag me out of my shell.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

I wonder what that's an interesting thing.

You're getting ahead of the curve.

I know.

Like I said,

really, like I am the like the poster boy for all

this generation's fears and anxiety.

I think that maybe we're living in a time where other people legitimately represent like a danger, don't you think?

Like, you can't really.

Can't trust anyone.

Well, I mean, you can't walk down, you see time and time again, you can't walk down the streets of Manhattan without fearing that your head might get fucking stoved in for some reason.

Yeah, yeah.

I think that people today are afraid to express their true opinions about things.

Oh, that's a fact.

Yeah, I think that a lot of people are like cowed into some sort of quietness and like that's because other people represent a danger to them.

I don't even know who they are.

Remember how like we used to like, it used to be like, it used to be good because God was watching?

With this been replaced now, like other people.

You gotta speak for yourself.

No,

Twitter is God now.

Yeah, so Twitter is God now, where it's just like, and they're watching.

That's a great analogy, though.

I just came up with that on the spot.

Twitter is God.

Twitter, I mean, I probably should have said that four years ago.

And I doubt I'm the first person to say it, but like,

yeah, like you always watch fear, always judging.

Right.

And now it's just humans are always watching and always judging.

And they don't want to wait till the afterlife.

They want to punish you now.

Oh, there's no, there's no good waiting.

I get you now.

Yeah, that is scary.

So no wonder why people are so fucking scared all the time.

God God is around you all the time and he's constantly judging you.

Yep.

And if it's not Twitter, it's cameras or it's somebody with a phone or it's any number of things where you're like, I got to check myself at all times.

Otherwise, this might end up online and then my life is ruined.

Jeez, man, that is.

Is it what, Q with a girl with a headdress on?

He's done for.

I think we should wrap it all up.

Just live in our basements.

Go back to Frumpy Everything.

Get him beat us to it.

Well, not his basement.

He doesn't live in his basement.

He lives in our basement.

Yeah, if you're afraid of bugs, that's not where you want to go.

Silverfish all over your body.

Crawling through his

beard.

Number one fear?

Yeah.

Dying.

Yeah, I knew it was going to be that.

Yeah.

Why?

You believe in God.

You have faith.

Dying should be the least scary thing to you.

You don't know what it feels like.

You don't, the unknown of what happens.

I do have faith, but is my faith born out of because I just don't want to think that the of the

other option, which is nothing?

Well, then it's born out of fear, right?

Because you're afraid that, like, holy shit, everything I've been told isn't real and I'm just going to cease to exist.

You can't even begin to imagine it.

It's like trying to imagine being like, hey, you know what it was like before I was born?

Who the fuck knows?

Yeah.

But that

fear of the great unknown of like what happens.

It's fucking, it's, it's, I mean, every human has to contend with this.

Right.

How do you deal with with it?

All trying to wrap our heads around it.

As the man who has evolved the most on the podcast, how do you deal with it?

Yeah, Smarty Pants.

Let's see what you got.

How do you deal?

How do you, like, do you give it much thought or do you just put it out of sight, out of mind?

I do, I have three ways of dealing it.

One,

I put it out, I just don't think about it.

Two, if I do think about it, I try and look at it

from a point of view of like, well, I'll figure it out when I get there.

Either I'm going to die and there'll be something there that and i'm still a version of myself i'll figure it out i don't know what that could be that could be anything as long as something goes on i'll last now the other thing i i i think about time a lot ever since i read that book and it's just like if if time

if you're if let's say time travel was possible

that means that we're always in play i don't know it's weird like we're like a videotape where it's just like because if you can go back to to fucking like marty 1955 right that means that 1955 is always there for you to go back to.

So I try and hope that there's

This is my main.

I think that there's no way we really understand what's going on in the universe.

I don't think we'll ever understand.

I think that there are things going on fucking 10 levels above us that we just can't even fucking see.

Like a bug can't see 3D.

We can't see 7D.

And like...

We just have, there's no way to know.

Like the concept of us dying and not being around

is as ridiculous as the concept of us being around.

Like, because we just don't know what's going on.

We don't know what the rules are.

We don't know the game we're playing.

We don't know where we fit in the cosmos.

So, to me, I'm just like,

I don't know enough information to be scared about it.

Um,

it's the way I try and look at it, if that makes sense.

It does.

It does.

Something's going on that I don't know.

And, and if you had to weigh in, what do you like?

Like, you just, you can't even guess about, you know, you're, you, do you, are you one of those guys who are like, you know what?

Nothing happens.

It's it.

You're over.

Phineet, over, Over.

You know, it's nothing.

I used to be that guy.

But

now I think that the universe is so weird and there's so much shit going on that we don't know about that it's fucking almost impossible that you just die and then you're gone.

Something else happens.

Thank you.

Just made Walt stay.

That gives me and all of mankind, or at least the thousands.

The thousand people listening to me.

No, I just think like we can't know the rules.

We can't know the game.

We're too limited.

We can't even fucking imagine what it is.

When do you think that happened?

When did that happen?

When did you say to yourself, you know what?

I was wrong.

There is, there probably is more to it than just

what I, you know, how they old, they say, like, the more you know, the more you realize that you don't know anything.

Yeah.

I really leaned into that fucking thing over the course of my life.

I'm like, I don't fucking understand anything.

I didn't know that.

Like, if you told me when I was a kid that this was the world we'd be living in today, I'd be like, no fucking way.

I just like, nothing seems to make sense to me anymore.

I just don't understand.

Like, do you ever think about an infinity?

Do you ever take any time to just think about it?

And it starts to, like, really hurt your head.

And you're like, then nothing matters.

Like, if you, if you look at the concept of, of infinity, where you're like, like, there, there, it's like, it's so big.

Nothing fucking matters.

You're like, I've never been to see the Egypts in fucking, like, all right, let's say we get to a point where we could hop from planet to planet to planet right like humanity gets that point so what the fuck does the pyramids matter anymore who gives a fuck like everywhere you go is boring if you can go everywhere I don't know I just think like the concept of affinity erases

almost meaning in anything I don't know and bro you you have always subscribed to like

you blink there's nothing yep you blink like like uh bobby says in sopranos he's like i just think it's like suddenly it just goes dark and it's over now

and everything why

would someone nothing But it is weird that like a lot of people, you're not alone.

But why?

I can't understand why people choose to want to believe that.

I don't want to.

I would love to believe.

I would love to believe that like, oh, there's this.

Why do you think I like I'm such an awful person?

Like I don't believe in the afterlife.

So I don't think there's going to be a God there to be like, hey, you know what?

You did this, this, and this, so you're going to probably have to burn in hell forever now.

Like, nothing I've done in my life is that bad, I don't think.

So

if there's a heaven, I'm probably going anyway, even though I'm not like servile and,

you know, going to church and all that other shit.

Like, I'll see you there.

Don't worry.

Wait, I think the big takeaway of this episode is Brian Johnson just announces that he's going to heaven.

God damn right.

Hell's for bad guys, like real bad guys.

Yeah.

You're going to put him on the level of like a pot.

Yeah, I know.

Oh, hey, I'm here with Hitler instead of my friends Walton Q because they were so good in life.

There is a certain level of arrogance that

like, I'm going to heaven, so it doesn't matter.

Like, if there is a heaven, I'll be there.

For sure.

That's the beauty of being agnostic.

You're like, oh, I never said you didn't exist once you get up there.

It's like the concept of a guy just being like, if you don't follow these rules that I'm not really too clear on,

you're going to burn for all, if you don't live like 50 to 70 years, like following these rules for all eternity, I'm going to burn you in a fire.

By the way, I love you.

It just doesn't fucking

add up.

Some mixed messages going on.

Yeah,

I don't know, man.

Nothing, huh?

Still no word.

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Happy Halloween.

All right.

Any word?

I am pleased to welcome the goat of horror hosts.

Yes.

The one and only

Svenguli.

Here we go, ladies and gentlemen.

At this point, it's kind of an old goat, I think, but I appreciate it.

Thank you.

This is a man who, because I tour a lot.

This is Q, Sarah.

Whenever I'm in a town and I flick on the TV and I see that Dakarion, Svengooli,

i'm my night's made i'm like done i i'm sitting there and i'm saturday night is made every night's made it's my favorite thing to find when i'm on tours is that i'm lucky enough to get a spenguly feed well thank you that's so nice to hear and it's great now that we are pretty much all over the country um

you know you can go pretty much almost anywhere and and you'll be able to see us on saturday night i think it's great yeah it's it's phenomenal how did that happen like what was that deal it's just just a syndication deal type thing?

Well, actually, it's one of the networks from our company.

I used to run just locally here in Chicago on WCIU and on a couple of the other stations owned by our company in Milwaukee and South Bend.

But then once the Me TV network was established, our boss Neil Sabin said, hey, how about if we put you on this?

And I was like, sure, okay.

And that was

12 years ago.

And in that time, the network has really grown.

And

I'm very flattered that the show's been a big success all over the country.

Well, it's well deserved, man, because

it is, you have something special.

I think you know that.

I think anybody who's listening, who's aware of you, knows that as well.

It's really great.

Well, thanks.

You know,

like I said, I think we've talked about this before.

Everybody, it seems, around the country had a horror movie host in their market.

And the feeling used to always always be, you know, that person was the best, and nobody else could touch him.

But we've been very fortunate that even in the cities that had other hosts, people have taken to us.

And, you know, I'm not considered a second-rate or outsider.

And you're not just not conquering television.

I see you're conquering other mediums.

You know, the comic book just came out.

It was awesome.

Oh, thanks.

Which cover did you get?

Which cover did I?

I got the

standard cover.

oh okay the one by chris jones yes yeah well it was that it was a lot of the dc comics characters i saw you with oh no no he's actually this that was previously yeah a couple years ago he had a dc appearance with all the dc characters all the superheroes but he's with frank miller's company and dan didio oh wow okay oh that's some big talent then yeah great yeah The book is really nice.

We've got some great artists in it.

We used a variety of artists, including Chris Jones and Ark Baltazar, Jill Thompson.

And

they really did a great job on this.

It's a lot of fun.

I was happy that I got to pretty much write it along with some help from our staff guys, Jim Roach and Chris Faulkner.

And I think it turned out real well.

I'm real happy with it.

From what I understand, the distributor actually sold out of it and even parts of it's overrun.

And there's a lot of comic stores a lot of the comic stores have also sold out of it.

So

I think it's a success.

Yeah, everything's coming up, Svengooi.

I mean, everything you touch

basically turns into a massive success.

I mean, what is your secret?

We need to know.

One of the guys that was a disc jockey in town used to say, you're a success if you just stay around long enough.

So maybe that's it, because I did start like 1979

here locally in Chicago.

Maybe I just stayed around and people were used to me or something like that.

Yeah, I mean, that kind of makes sense to me.

I, you know, we pretty much forced some practical jokers down anybody's throat for 13 years now.

So you got some games, Walter.

You got a couple

questions, scenarios.

Scenarios for you, Spengula.

I thought it'd be fun if I present a couple scenarios to you and me, Brian, Q

offer you

our thoughts on

what scenario you would like to choose, and then you weigh in who gave the best scenario answer.

Okay.

You pick whose choices you found were most

favorable to you.

So our first scenario was Dr.

Frankenstein is going to come out of retirement to create the bride of Sven Guli.

But he can only use three ladies, fictional or real, to compromise the bride.

Bri Q and I will present their three choices to make up the perfect bride of Svenguilli, and you will choose who came up with the best bride to be.

Okay.

All right, so I'll go first.

And Walt is separated into

head, torso, and lower half.

Oh, boy.

Okay.

I think I know you, Svenguly.

I think I know your wheelhouse.

I think I know your

the golden age of Hollywood is probably your favorite age.

That's what I'm going to guess.

Yeah, probably so.

That sounds like that, you know, that makes a lot of sense.

So for the head, I'm going Angie Dickinson.

Hubba, hubba.

Okay.

Huh?

Oh, I hear that chuckle?

Yeah.

Ben Gooley, be happy that it wasn't Tom Brady.

Let's fucking go!

Or any of the Kurt Chicago Bears.

For my torso or your torso, I don't know.

I'm pretty sure you're going to remember her, but not a lot of people are going to maybe recognize this name.

But you got to Google it if you've never heard of her.

Morgana, the kissing bandit.

Do you remember her from the 70s?

Sure, yeah.

She would run out on baseball fields.

Oh, and the bandit.

It looks like Morgana has made her way onto the field.

I mean, you do.

And

the players are one of the players.

Yes, she was.

Impressive.

Yeah, let's just leave it at that.

I remember her.

They had like, they would show those clips of her running across the field and stuff.

Yes, of course.

Great.

Do you think anybody could do that today?

Because, you know, security is so tight.

I mean, again, if you look like Morgana, maybe they would, you know, give you a pet.

It just seems like these days, somebody gets out on the field and, you know, six guys tackle them.

Then again, they might do that anyway.

They arrest you as well now.

I think that's the thing that really stopped.

They used to just throw you out the back of the park.

Now they arrest you.

Yep.

All right.

So you got this picture so far.

Angie Dickinson head.

Great head.

That's a great head.

Pepper from Policewoman.

I'm staring at you.

24-7.

Oh, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.

Svengoole.

Then you got Morgana the kissing bandit.

Don't get a voter.

Don't get a voter.

If you get tired of looking, you know, upstairs.

But if then you go to the lower half,

coochie-coochie, charo, baby.

Charo.

Gucci, coochie, coochie.

Charo.

Wow.

For the lower half.

Pretty much would bring her close to perpetual emotion, I think.

And I think that's the perfection of the Svenguilli bride.

But let me see what my

companions say here.

That's a good Frankenstein bride, man.

Nobody could argue with that.

That's the thing.

I mean, I think I got it all sewn up.

Well, let's hear.

Let's hear.

Okay, this is Brian Svengooli.

I'm going to start from the bottom up, though, okay?

I'm gonna go lower half is Selma Hayek from dusk till dawn.

Who?

Selma Hayek.

Yeah, I like that.

That's good.

Yeah, that's pretty good.

I got one word, Svengouli.

Bootylicious.

Go to YouTube and watch her snake dance, and you'll see what I mean.

Anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about, I got two words: coochie-coochie.

Yeah,

nobody recognizes that.

Yeah, no, that's evidently.

The torso, as Walt put it,

Linda Hamilton as Sarah Connor in T2.

Whoa.

Yep.

She joins Ripley from Alien 3 and Michelle Rodriguez in any number of movies as the buffest action gals out there.

As we get older, it's tough for us guys to continue to do all the lifting.

So

with equal rights being at the forefront in 2023, we can finally say, hey, give me a hand with this goddamn thing.

So that's it.

I mean, Linda Hamilton all buffed up.

Now, the head, this could be controversial, but if I'm going to get cucked out, I want it to be by Sven Guilli.

So the head is my wife.

Oh, shoot.

My wife.

Now, you don't know what she looks like, Svenguly.

She's blonde.

She's blue-eyed.

She's pretty.

She's kind of basic.

However, she loves watching old horror movies and joking around about them.

And unless I'm mistaken, she drives the entire body.

And while I don't want this to devolve into tawdry locker room talk after three years, she still mixed with the whoopee like it's month one.

All right.

So that's that's my Dr.

Frankenstein broke.

I think you might have hurt yourself with that last choice, though, because

it comes with the strings attached.

Well, you know, you're talking about another man's wife, even if he's offering it to you on a silver platter.

He's still, yeah, I mean, it's going to be.

Walt wants to be your favorite son.

Do not listen to a word Walt says.

He's just going to try to

try to run it.

I need this thing more than he does.

I've been down all summer.

It's been the worst summer of my life.

He's having a bad time, but don't let that weigh in, Senghali.

We all go through peaks and valleys.

I'll be perfectly unbiased here.

Okay, great.

Thank you.

Okay, so Selma Hayek, Linda Hamilton, Mary Beth.

Excellent choices all around.

All right.

This is Q.

How are you doing, sir?

I'm good.

Nice to talk to you again.

Very good to talk to you.

Okay.

All right.

Here we go.

This is the bride that I would have Dr.

Frankenstein build for you, my friend.

And I was a little torn on one part, and I'll talk you through it, but I'm going to stick by my choice anyway.

Okay.

The face, the face, the head, the head, the head above.

I mean, we got to go, Audrey Hepburn.

I mean, this is

breakfast at Tiffany's.

Oh, the most beautiful face to grace the screen, like class

beauty.

It's Audrey Hepburn.

Holly Golitely, yeah.

She's a good girl.

So, anguli, you want the bad girl, Angie Dickinson, the rat pack.

Well, I'm glad you brought that up because that brings me to the body.

I guarantee my wife is worse.

Old Blue Eyes was there.

I did it

mile away.

Fanguli, I'm trying to be where old Blue Eyes was?

Wait a minute.

Okay, Fanguli.

Now, imagine that you're starting at Audrey Hepburn and your gaze is going lower and lower.

And what do you hit?

The fourth section of, but Jane Mansfield herself.

Oh, he's going older than I am.

I didn't expect this, Kirk.

Come on, man.

And I wrote these down, so you know I'm not making them up as I go in.

It's a good thing I didn't use Jane Mansfield as the head.

Or if that's not available, would it be Maurice Caherte or whatever?

Oh,

but I mean, you remember that picture, that famous picture of Jane's Manfield in that dress?

Oh, sure.

Spilling out of that dress.

Sophia Loren, who was like...

Okay.

Yeah, I remember that quite well.

Sven Gooly, Borgana can't even get the dress on.

No, we're talking about

a torso so sexy, so distracting that's that even Sophia Loren can't control herself around it.

That's what we're talking about.

Oh, that's true.

Your bottom half, Sophia Loren.

No, bottom half.

Now, look, bottom half,

my initial instinct was

like a Kardashian type thing.

Yeah, I thought that too, but I thought Sven Guilli would want to keep it classy.

Well, I'm going to give you a shot to not only keep it classy, Sven Guilli, but also a little much-needed diversity in this.

We're going to go with the greatest legs ever to walk around Tina Turner.

Now, you got Hepburn, Mansfield, Tina Turner's legs.

Who's turning that down?

He's playing the woke card.

Who's turning that down?

Damn right, I'm playing the woke card.

Now he can't say no.

No, putting that aside, like, I mean, come on.

This is, she's, you know, these are the most famous legs.

Going on the river, man.

No one has ever done a rendition like she.

Think about that.

Going from

the turn of legs up to Jane Mansfield, and it ends on Audrey Hepburn.

Wait a second, wait a minute.

Charo, she was Hispanic, right?

I believe so, yeah.

Yeah, all right.

So I got that.

I mean, my choices are woke too, Svengoi.

You had to ask if Charo was Hispanic?

I thought so, right?

I don't think she missed

to figure out, but

I don't know why I'm speaking in past tense.

She's still with us, Charlo.

I know Spanish-born.

Yeah.

All right.

All right, Sanghoi.

I don't think there's a man alive.

Which bride do you want Dr.

Frankenstein to build for you?

One with Angie Dickinson's head,

Morgan, the kissing bandits,

ample torso,

with Charo's gyrating,

never-stopping hips or any of the two other, or the other six choices that you probably already forgot.

There is not a man that has ever been born or will be born that wouldn't take the opportunity to nestle it to Chane Mansfield's bosom.

Just, it's impossible.

The thought's impossible.

Charo's pretty busty, too, though.

Yeah, but he's only using the bottom half.

Well, only using the bottom half, though.

Oh, that's true.

Yeah, I mean, I mean, come on.

I got the bust all fucking sewn.

I'm sorry, Smuggley.

All sewn up.

I got the bust.

If Svengooli's a chess man,

I got this.

It's not better than James Mansfield.

What?

Are you kidding me?

She's got quantity and quality.

No frumpiness.

My wife's

good advertising phrase that goes with it.

Quantity and quality.

There you go.

Yes, sir.

All right.

So

who do you want Dr.

Frankenstein to work on?

Mine?

Brian's or Q's?

You know, I don't want to disappoint anybody, but I think I'm going to have to go with Q.

Yeah, well!

Of course he does!

I like that reaction.

Oh, God.

You have no idea how much trouble my wife is in now.

Well, you know, that's just it.

I mean,

I don't want to disrespect your wife either.

No, she does what I tell her to do.

I want her with Sven Guilli.

She's with Svenguly.

Man.

I got to tell you, Svengouli, I've seen a different side of that relationship.

That's not what I've seen.

I might be talking big.

I might be talking a little big.

Well, I think Q had had a really nice,

what can I say, construction there.

And

that was pretty good.

Although, again,

it's almost like I could choose different parts from different,

each one of them, and come up with a pretty interesting uh concrete why the hell not you're freaking spangul you can do whatever hell you want you own this planet

there's no losers here there's no losers here yes everybody's a winner congratulations

all right all right i mean i picked three

undeniable you can't say no to them

i i thought and you know i had it in a bag but but we got one more spengu one more scenario Okay.

You want to hear it?

Sure, definitely.

Bri, Q, and I are throwing a Halloween dinner party and can invite five fictional or real guests.

Okay.

Bry, Q, and Walt will present their guest list, which all three, of course, already has Fanguille in at the number one guest.

Okay.

So you're definitely on

all of our lists.

You're the top person to invite.

Well, that's very nice of you.

But we will give you a list of our other four guests and you will decide whose Halloween party you're going to go to.

Okay, who's going first?

Bry.

I'm going to go first?

Okay.

So I have you at the number one spot, so I have four more.

Okay.

PJ Souls.

Oh,

nobody was more adorable than PJ Souls from the year 1976 to 1979, where she played Norma Watson and Carrie, Riff Randall, and Rock and Roll High School.

But for the party.

Is this the girl who played Carrie?

I thought that was Sissy Space.

No, it's Sissy Space.

No, I'm talking PJ Souls.

Pissy Souls.

She was in stripes.

She was in stripes.

Yeah.

I'm not appealing to you.

I'm appealing to Space Space.

I think she's going to be free that night when you give her the invite.

Don't worry.

Don't worry.

No, it's just a Christmas.

Of course they have.

Immediately, Svengouli was like, whoa.

Sven Guouli, are you saying he doesn't know PJ Souls?

She's a staple of horror.

Certainly.

I know who she is.

Of course you do.

But for the party, I'm going to go with the dopey but sexy Linda Vanderklock in 1978's Halloween, which I hate to say, Svengouli, Walt has never seen.

Can you believe that shit?

Oh, are you kidding?

It's really grotesque.

Yeah, I just

think it's a slasher movie.

You really should watch it.

It's a good movie.

It's one of his favorite, one of Svengouli's favorites.

Yep.

Yep.

Yeah, there's PJ Souls.

I'm too busy.

I'd rather watch Fiend Without a Face, your favorite movie, right, Svengouli?

That's the next one.

The one you always dreamed about getting on the show, which you finally did.

I haven't forgotten that because, you know, I worship you.

This is.

In the previous times,

we couldn't use Fiend without a face because we needed a face.

Yeah, Walt wants to be the number one son pretty badly.

He's tried so hard.

Already.

I mean, there's no chance of you winning, right?

You can maybe tie.

You can maybe tie.

My second guest.

Come on.

My second guest would be Vampyra.

And I'm not exactly sure how to pronounce her name, Myla Nermi.

That's not as interesting.

Yeah.

Nermi, yeah.

She relocated to L.A.

in 1940 with the hopes of becoming an actress.

after several minor film roles she found success with her vampira character television's first horror host which she played on the vampira show from 1954 to 1955 most of the i have here you can just read on um

she would you can read on wikipedia but uh i say no one would be more interesting to talk about the golden age of hollywood than vampira she was there she was a coach girl she was installing linoleum she was on tv she was doing all kinds of stuff she got she got kicked out of a place somebody had told me she was involved with James Dean, too.

Yeah, they said that she was friends with James Dean.

And after he died, she came out and she was talking about him and stuff.

And then somebody was like, she wasn't friends with James Dean.

And she had to like actually produce photographs and stuff to show that

she was actually buddies.

Mae West kicked her out of a play because Mae West thought she was being upstaged.

Oh, right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I remember hearing about that.

Okay, my third.

Janet Lee.

Oh.

Whose career spanned over five decades.

She was discovered at 18 by actress Norma Scheer, who helped her secure a contract with Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.

Psycho is one of Svenguly's favorite movies, who who better to invite than the leading lady to talk Psycho, the fog, John Carpenter, Hitch, and the shower scene.

And then my final invitation, Linda Blair.

These are all people.

It's all girls?

Yeah, I'm not going to have a monster sausage party like you guys.

I know that's what's coming.

So yes, Svenguly, I took the liberty of doing what everybody should do at parties and invite women.

Okay, now if you've got Linda Blair, just make sure you don't serve pea pea soup.

That's all I'm saying.

There you go.

Established as a scream queen by the age of 12.

Do I really have to explain why one of the greatest horror movies of all time is at Sven's Party?

Not to mention, and she was in Hell Night.

Yep, she wasn't in the world.

Remember Hell Night?

Yes, I do.

Boogie, Born Innocent, Roller Boogie, Hell Night, Savage Streets, Chained Heat.

And she's also easy on the eyes.

The only drawback is she's an avid animal activist, so you might catch some shit if everything isn't vegan.

Yeah, she'll be complaining because of my mistreatment of chickens oh yeah no doubt uh so yeah so i have pj souls vampira janet lee and linda blair and svenguli okay now he's gonna want you to hang around

if you go to that one spengoulie oh yeah that sounds real boring

better hope you better hope they got a tv so you can turn on the football game catch the band wow you are you just got to tear everybody down he does i want this you can't handle it yeah but you mean you're not making nobody wants to go to the the party of the guy that's ripping everybody apart yeah there's no monsters at your party

you're too thirsty dial it back a little bit

you want to go or you want me to go uh okay i'll go you want me to go i'll go i'll go obviously and i came up with these scenarios too so don't discount that i i made them put you on the list go

Yeah, so yeah, we followed instructions, Svengooli.

That's what we did.

Coming in at number two after you, Svenguli, Herman Monster.

Ooh.

The ultimate party version of the Frankenstein monster.

That's who you want crashing around your party, knocking everything over.

It's not Svengooli's house.

Oh, no.

Where is it?

It's my house.

Oh, it's your house.

Okay.

This is my house.

I guess it's your party.

Yeah, that makes sense.

I rented out a nice hall for us, Svengouli.

I'm not having it in my house.

Well, that's awfully nice of you.

You had more of a budget, obviously.

Yeah.

You know, if someone's getting that lampshade on their head, it's Herman.

If he can fit it, You know, that's kind of a large head.

Coming in at number two, the Phantom of the Opera.

I knew it.

I knew it was going to be sausage, Svenguilli.

That's why I looked out for you.

You know what?

Oh, but here's why, though.

Things maybe start to slow down.

You throw them on the piano.

Everybody's singing, oh, Caroline.

Everybody's in unison.

Oh, Caroline.

The party's...

The guy who's never been to a bar ever.

The party's rocking and rolling because the Phantom

is tickling those ivories, ivories, Svengooley.

Yeah, the party got so boring that they're like, let's let a monster play the piano.

A deformed stalker.

Yeah.

If it's a Halloween party, he's already got a mask, so he's got that.

Yeah.

Coming in at number three.

You know, usually, you know, parties, people want to get a little, you know, deep.

It's not, you know, they want to have a deep conversation, especially if there's some of that weird funky cabbage that, you know, a lot of these newfangled parties like to introduce.

He's talking about marijuana.

That's what he refers to it as funky cabin.

Thanks for explaining that to me.

But I'm going to bring in E.T.

the extraterrestrial.

So you guys can talk about space, time,

space travel, other worlds.

Really get deep.

You're doing yourself a huge disservice.

I'm going home.

The guy barely speaks English.

Oh, so now he's not allowed to come to to the party, Cute.

Oh, you just want him serving beverages?

Not when you're selling them on fucking conversation.

He'd be doing

speak and spell thing.

Yeah, exactly.

You're spelling out the Reese's pieces.

That's all they have at the party is Reese's pieces.

The Reese's pieces maybe are acid.

I don't know if you're into that.

No weed, but acid?

Yeah, I don't know.

It's a party.

Anything goes, it's fungoulies there.

Not drawing any line.

He wants it.

And my last guest, and you know, I kind of think I made a faux pas here.

I kind of went, I put all my eggs in the Morgana, the kissing bandit basket.

Not Morgana again.

Yeah, I thought I would invite her again.

I really thought.

What is going on with you?

I really thought that.

I just thought Svenguli would really get a kick out of Morgana.

I thought, I don't know.

I guess I was wrong, though, but I'm going to play the game fair, and I'm going to go with my original choice, Morgana.

I could say Audrey Hepburn.

Good.

I'm going to stick to my original four guests and I'm going to go Morgana, the Kiss and Bandit again.

Was Decades on when you wrote this list?

No.

Okay.

Wow.

Okay.

All right.

Okay, Q.

So you heard those four.

All right.

You remember what Linda Blair looks like, right?

Period.

Okay.

All right.

I

all right.

I don't think I'm going to win this one, but you never know.

You never know.

Because, all right, obviously, Sven Gooley is the number one guest at my party.

We're setting him up.

Yep.

He's going to have a throne.

Guest of honor.

Guest of honor.

I thought sitting at his right side should be

thinking much like you did, Brian.

I thought Elvira.

Nice.

I thought, let's get, you know, someone that could talk shop with Sven Guilli.

Do you really want to talk shop after working and grueling over those 80-hour work weeks like Svengui has?

I'll talk about whatever she wants if she wears that dress.

You know, you could zone out and just enjoy

the view.

So I thought she would be a good one.

I thought we're going to need, we're going to need, uh, we're going to need someone to go.

Look, what do you, what is your, what's your drink of choice, Fenguli?

Oh, I don't know.

A Moscow mule, maybe.

All right.

Well, if we run out of Moscow mules, we're going to have to send someone to the store.

We're going to need an Igor to run around and fetch stuff.

Every party needs a runner.

Everyone sees, Igor, we need you to get to the store.

Get some Moscow mules for the man.

That's what he needs.

So get him that you're inviting?

No, Igor.

Igor.

Igor from what?

From the classic frankenstein yeah from son of frankenstein yeah he's uh he's just saying yeah he has no idea where igor appeared in spanguli he's a poser i know his name wasn't igor in the first one okay so which one was it then son of frankenstein oh yeah because fenguli told you there you go

you learned something today oh my god

so there you go all right so we got a vira we got that then i thought look you know i know you're a horror guy i i think we need a party animal there i was originally thinking one of the cenobites with the DJ with the music so we can get the music on.

But I was like, yeah, we need a party guy.

So I thought I would get Bruce Campbell in as Ash from Evil Dead.

Guy's got a chainsaw hand, loves to drink, loves to party.

Fun guy.

You know what I mean?

He'll play a little pin in the tail on the donkey.

It's Bruce Campbell.

Gotta love Bruce Campbell.

Pretty good.

That's a pretty good one.

Yoda.

Oh, God.

I think from Star Wars, we get, why is he got his...

Yoda speaks English.

Yeah, that's true.

He's 900 years old.

He's a little green alien.

Yeah, but you got to carry him around the whole party.

No, what are you talking about?

He lifts himself up.

I can hear him now.

You know, you think, vodka, we are out of.

Or how about I can hear you, Spingley, going, Me so bored.

Is that a jar jar?

We wish we were at Walt Flanagan's Halloween party.

Yeah, the sausage fest.

Let's go over to Brise.

Where Morgana be at?

I got one more.

I got one final guest.

And considering it's a Halloween party with all these, you know, all these scary characters, we're going to need someone to know.

You know, of course, Abbin and Costello.

Sure.

I think we get Costello in there.

I'm a bad boy.

He's a funny guy.

And if anything goes wrong, we're going to know because I'll be stuck going,

and we'll know there's a ghost about, so we'll all be safe.

So that's my party.

You got Costello.

You got got yoda you got a vira you got bruce campbell uh igor yeah igor igor look at

so perplexed and we got

four that was fine yeah that's that's that was what that was what i was did i go over by one i don't think smoothly can now become you you gave him five choices some people can't tell time some people can't count no castello alvira yoda and igor that's four plus yeah okay so he had four all right

so whose party there's no way he'd rather talk to E.T.

over Yoda.

That's not even a thing.

Nobody would choose that.

Yoda is so played out.

E.T.

only had one movie.

There's so much to ask him.

There's so much we don't know about him.

I don't even have to make an argument, do I, Scungoule?

All right.

This is a difficult choice.

Depends on what direction I want to go here.

You do love Abbott and Costello, right?

Like their American life.

Yeah.

So who wouldn't want Costello?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

You know, we run that movie at least once a year because it's so popular and we get so many requests for it.

However, we get requests for Yoda to come on with us.

And first, who is

Fanimedy Opera, the original piano man.

Nobody wants Yoda, Joel, right?

Sing us the song in the Paris Source.

Okay, this is tough,

but I'm going to have to lean towards what Brian is providing here.

First of all,

surrounded by these women, come on.

Let's face it.

And they all have something to say.

But you're married, Svengooley.

We just created a bride for you.

You can't be rolling in there like a single man.

Just because you have dinner doesn't mean you can't look at the menu.

And maybe those rules exist at your party, Walt.

Not at Brian's party.

Wow.

But all of them were interesting combinations, definitely.

And then if you just add in one of the bribes that we constructed in the previous one, that's a party.

That's a party.

Yeah.

Wow.

So, Walt, you didn't get anything.

I didn't get anything.

Well, you're dragging Morgana everywhere with you, wherever you go.

You really went well in on her, DT.

That really was a misplay on my part.

I got to say, I almost used Vampyra for the tour show, show and then I was like, well, I'm not gonna use her twice.

And I can't use Vampyra and Elvira because they had a famous lawsuit against each other.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah.

You don't want that.

They don't want that kind of stuff at your party.

Cat fights.

Or maybe you do.

I don't know.

Do you have a few more minutes, Svenguli?

Sure.

I came up with some questions.

Like, our listener base has criticized us for being awful.

interviewers.

They say we don't have it.

That they don't that they we don't have the skills to pay the bills when it comes to interviewing big-time guests.

So I came up with some questions.

Wow.

All right.

There you go.

Although, like, what example are they going off of?

Have we ever had a big-time guest?

Remember, Nelly?

Nellie, yeah, but I mean, that was a great interview.

They're lying.

They're lying.

We interviewed Nellie from Little House on the Prairie Sven Goo.

It was awesome.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I thought it was great.

Was she the one that was always real nasty?

Yep, nasty Nellie Olson.

Okay, I remember that.

Yeah.

So I came up with like

some questions that I think I imagine you've been interviewed thousands of times, correct?

Yeah, probably pretty much.

And repeated the same answers over and over again, too.

Well, I guarantee you that you're not going to be able to repeat the same answer to these questions because you will remember these questions, I think, forever.

First question, which of these two films do you wish was actually made?

Abbot and Costello, Meet Godzilla, or The Incredible Three-Headed transplant starring the three stooges.

That's definitely a tough one.

I think, though, I'd go with the three-headed transplant because

it's rife for so many

interesting situations.

Come on, let's go through this door.

What are you talking about?

You can't do that.

Whoa, look, a wise guy, huh?

But yeah, Godzilla,

you know, hey, yeah, but look, there's a big lizard there.

He gets stepped on.

That's the end of it.

Maybe it's Minya.

Yeah, it's a little smaller.

Oh, yeah, that's better.

All right, I got another question here for you.

Okay.

Hosts are kind of exclusive to horror movies.

But let's say you had to pick one other genre of film to be a host of.

What would that genre be?

Well,

that's kind of tough because, you know, the obvious...

That's why I asked it.

You asked the tough questions.

No softballs here.

It seems obvious that it would be comedy, but I think I'd really like, you know,

to do some of those old, you know, 30s and 40s detective movies, see?

Where they always

like this.

Sam Spade era.

Yeah, I love seeing those movies, so that would be kind of different, I think, and a whole different text.

Maybe a spin-off you know maybe sunday nights are hard-boiled mystery nights on me tv

yeah maybe if i had you know about 44 hours in each week

all right i got another one okay what is your personal homie don't play that stance homie don't play that

like for instance mine would be homie don't play mind-altering substances like so you know what i'm saying so when you would say you would be like homie don't play that blank.

Being boring like Walt.

I would say, yeah, homie, don't play those commercials.

Oh, I get very tired of some of the commercials that you see.

That woman dancing around for Jardians.

Have you seen that one?

Talk about a horror movie.

Oh, my God.

And we've got, you know, the guy selling his My Pillows.

Come on.

Well, Walt's the same way about those commercials where the couples are holding hands walking through the fields.

The fields and stuff.

It's for erectile dysfunction.

It's because they're so long, too.

It's like, I don't need a seven-minute commercial to tell me about how inferior I am.

I know.

Yeah, there's an awful lot of bad commercials.

Not that they run on my show, of course, but

quality sponsors there.

All right, speaking of commercials, we have one spot left to play.

Hi, I'm here with my daughter Alicia to talk Halloween and comics.

Alicia, what was your all-time favorite Halloween costume that you wore?

Probably Stephanie from Lazy Town.

Yeah, that's one that probably no one is going to recognize.

That's an obscure one.

I think so.

I think you'll know what that is.

I have here, Mom Remembered, Care Bear, Witch,

multiple ninjas.

Yeah.

Maybe an angel or a devil.

I mean, I've done that like recently, but I remember I also was like a princess once.

And what was I?

My first one was what, a ladybug?

Yes, ladybug.

Best Halloween candy to get in your trick-or-treat bag?

Twix.

Twix.

Yeah.

That's my favorite candy.

I don't know.

That's terrible.

What's the worst candy to get in your bag?

Like

pretzels, I guess, or something like that.

Something that's not candy.

Pretzels, okay.

Sweethearts.

All right, so we talked some Halloween.

Now we're going to talk some comics.

When I need the most recent Marvel Masterworks or that new hard-to-find omnibus, there's only one place I go, Tim's Corner Comics.

Tim's Corner Comics is located at 1303 30th Street, Rock Island, Illinois.

61201 is the zip code.

If you're not in the Illinois or Iowa area, that's okay.

You can call them at 309-794-0333 or email them at Tim's Corner Comics at gmail.com to place an order today.

And as a special Halloween treat, I've randomly picked out two lucky listeners to possibly win a $50 gift card at Tim's Corner Comics, courtesy of TSD, that you will be playing for, Alicia.

The first lucky listener is Nathan Halstead.

So, Alicia, you will be playing for Nathan.

And if you get these three comic book-related questions right, Nathan's going to win $50.

Okay.

Now, as I recall, I don't think I've ever seen you read a comic book.

Maybe one comic book.

There was some girl from Lights that wrote a comic book.

I don't think I even read it, to be honest.

So it's safe to say.

So it's safe to say that you really...

aren't into comics never have been no not really you've seen you've seen the thousands and thousands of comic books laying around the house never been tempted once to ever touch one or even look at one.

Not really, no.

Why?

I just, I don't, it's not my thing.

I don't know.

It's not my thing.

All right, Nathan.

You're late.

It's not looking good.

But these are three pretty super easy comic book-related questions.

And remember, there's $50 on the line, Alicia.

Okay.

First question.

What letter is on Superman's chest?

S.

Correct.

What does that letter stand for?

Superman.

Correct.

What is Superman's secret identity?

Clark, I think his name is Kent.

Yes!

Well done.

Nathan, you have just won a $50 gift card to Tim's Corner Comics.

Excellent job.

I really thought the secret identity, how do you know that Clark Kent is Superman?

I've heard it before, I think.

I've heard it before.

Great job.

All right.

So there's another lucky listener you'll be representing tonight as well.

His name is Zachary Garner.

And there's another $50 gift card on the line.

And this time the category is Halloween.

Here are your three easy Halloween questions.

What is a member of the undead who drinks blood called?

A vampire.

Correct.

What hairy monster might you see when the moon is full?

Werewolf.

Two for two.

Name just one of the universal monsters.

What's a universal monster?

That just hurts my soul

so that you don't know what a universal monster is.

Frankenstein.

What?

What?

Frankenstein.

We're going to go to the judges.

We'll accept Frankenstein.

It's actually Frankenstein's monster, but the movie is called Frankenstein.

It's very confusing to the general public.

We're going to give it to you.

That means Nathan and Zach have both won $50 gift cards to Tim's Corner Comics.

And if Nathan and Zach will email me at km2 at gmail.com for details on how to redeem your gift card, I will fill you in on how to contact Tim's Corner Comics and redeem those gift cards.

And if you're looking for that certain gift for the collector in your life, give Tim's Corner Comics a call.

That's Tim's Corner Comics, the the world's most famous comic book store in the Illinois, Iowa area.

Thank you for playing, Alicia.

Great work and happy Halloween.

Happy Halloween.

All right, back to the show.

And finally, I think this is a question that you probably have been asked before, though, but I think the listeners would love to hear it.

The answer: who are some of your comedic influences?

Oh, well,

that's a long list.

Groucho Marx, definitely.

Jack Benny.

I have to to add in the Stooges because they certainly were a big influence on me.

I always liked getting more contemporary.

Albert Brooks.

I thought he was really good.

And George Carlin as well.

Those are guys that I really, you know, really aspired to be like.

And I have to say, I will add in

the original Spingooie, Jerry G.

Bishop, who was a very funny guy, very talented guy.

And, you know,

he's the reason I'm where I am today, for those of you who don't know that story.

But,

yeah, I'd say that's definitely, I always liked the 30s and 40s stuff.

And I should, I mean, George Burns and Gracie Allen, which was a great character, great timing going back and forth between the two of them.

I tell you, this is cute.

I will, from time to time, start reading, you know, because Groucho Marx was so prolific as a writer.

A lot of people don't know that.

He wrote so many artists, books upon books of collected essays.

He's wrote.

He's one of the funniest guys that ever lived.

His point of view and his wit is really

unmatched in today's

environment.

The guy was so funny, man.

So smart, so wise.

I'm with you on that one.

I wish more people read more and knew more about Groucho Marx, but he kind of got reduced just to the glasses and the nose and stuff.

Yeah, that's the one thing about him.

You know, such an incredibly quick mind, you know,

with his back and forth stuff,

you could not beat that.

And yeah, he wrote so many books.

And I know there was

a book even of just letters he had written to people.

Yes, I read that.

Very impressive.

Very brilliant stuff.

Yeah, letters that he would write to just friends, like some famous Hollywood people, some to his gardener.

And, you know, back then he would just write these two, three-page letters, and they're so funny.

And they collected them in a book.

That was great.

Yeah, he was really a brilliant mind i know he he was um later in life he became friends with alice cooper oh really and alice cooper would go over and hang out at his at his i guess his mansion you know in the 70s that's so cool man keeping like they'd watch tv into the wee hours of the morning yeah yeah great man wow so i imagine uh you know halloween's coming if it if it's not here already but when this drops so how busy Are you at this time of the year?

Oh, well,

now that they expanded our our show from two hours to two and a half hours, there's more work to be done, certainly, and that'll occupy some of my time.

And this October on Me TV, every Saturday, we're doing double features.

So you'll be able to see two Svengouli movies every Saturday night.

That takes up a lot of time.

And we're doing a couple appearances.

Most of them are local in the Illinois area.

Every year, we do this amazing event.

It's called The Nightmare on Chicago Street in Elgin, Illinois.

And it's really pretty clever.

What they do is they block off, you know, maybe three or four blocks.

And the whole thing is that zombies have taken over Elgin, Illinois, and that that area is the safe zone.

But zombies will still get in there.

They have a lot of special effects and stuff.

It's really impressive.

And it's just amazing to me because I'll get up on the stage there and look out.

And for four blocks, you just see, you know, it's knee-deep in people all the way down and it's a lot of fun they have a costume contest they have bands

it's really great I enjoy doing that and then right before Halloween we go to the Volo Auto Museum which is just a great place very impressive they've got you know all sorts of movie and TV cars they've got classic cars various collections and I just saw something today that they have one of Brittany Spears cars that she was in a lot of accidents with.

So

we go there every year, and there's always a huge turnout, and it's a lot of fun.

So, yeah, we'll be busy enough, I think.

All right, great.

That was

a great guest.

Yes, well, thank you, Mr.

Svenguly,

for blessing us with your time and your appearance for us here on our Halloween spectacular.

I mean, there is not a bigger get

on the planet than you, especially

around Halloween.

I mean, it is a privilege and an honor.

What about Morgana?

Wouldn't that have been better?

You know, I looked her up.

She's still with us.

She's retired,

and she may have had some reduction surgery.

So I don't know if she's as big as get as she used to be.

I just imagine her

at this age, you know.

wheeling out in her wheelchair to go out to the pitcher and give him a kiss.

I've fallen and I can't get up.

Well, thank you, Svenguli.

We really appreciate it.

And have a good Halloween.

Yes, happy Halloween.

Thank you so much.

It's always a real pleasure to talk to you.

It's always a lot of fun.

And I appreciate that you asked me.

This is one of the things that I look forward to every year.

Thank you.

And we're sorry about the time mix-up.

We hope that doesn't reflect on all of us.

We have a producer of sorts that for some reason thought Chicago was an hour before New York City.

Didn't understand it ourselves.

That happens all the time, quite honestly, because people say, okay, we want you to call, and they remember what their local time is, but a lot of times they don't remember that we're on central time.

So it's like, you know, you weren't there.

And I'm like, well, I wasn't the time that I was supposed to be.

But it happens, you know?

We didn't want to count ourselves amongst that number, but I guess we got in there.

Yeah, we're real embarrassed.

And we thank you for being flexible and understanding that.

Yeah, we're humiliated, but thank you.

Don't worry about it.

It's fine.

And again, thank you so much for having me.

Always great to talk to you guys.

All right.

Thanks.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Talk to you soon.

Okay, bye-bye.

Bye.

Wow.

What a nice guy, man.

What a nice guy.

What a great guy.

Very understanding.

Yeah.

I don't think people realize

the magnitude of landing

a spengoole for your Halloween podcast.

You're right.

It's his busiest time of year.

And

he is the most famous horror host alive today.

I mean, he's the only one at the weekly TV show.

He's growing in popularity.

Yeah, he hasn't plateaued.

The man's star continues to rise every year.

And

this should put us into other stratospheres.

Will it change people's opinions about our interviews?

Like, we should be getting Joe Rogan money for the

100 million for this.

In a just world,

you know, we should be getting $100 million for having Spoogle Week.

Ooh, I got Elon Musk.

Big fucking deal.

Who cares?

And while some shows go from like an hour to a half hour, he's gone for two hours to two and a half hours.

Yeah.

He's only growing.

He's only growing.

Love that guy.

What a nice dude.

Yeah.

So, that's it.

Anything else?

I mean, for Halloween?

I don't really remember any opportunities for sound effects.

Is there going to be a lot of fun?

Oh, I'm going to put some music in there.

Ambiance.

Yeah, a little,

ambience.

Okay.

All right.

Well then, man, happy Halloween, everyone.

Yes.

Happy Halloween.

And like, I'll be expecting multiple posts about how our interview skills have grown, much like Q has grown over the course of the past 15 years.

I think we're on a level with...

all the interview greats.

I would like to say that

I thought your questions were actually inventive and interesting and fun.

I think you did a great job.

Well, thank you, Keith.

You perfectly tell her to.

I'm not going to lie, though.

It absolutely stings like a motherfucker that I didn't get any of the questions.

He didn't get a single point.

I don't think he likes me.

I think he sticks that up.

Here it comes.

I'm riding on the swing

coattails with the Baron thing.

Oh, you think because we're not trying to do a character that he's like, all right, well, these guys aren't after us.

It's like the

top hat and the skull paint.

Yeah.

I mean, he could see it as like, you know, I'm like, you know, encroaching on his territory.

The lion does not concern himself with the lionesses, and that's all you want.

Oh, I'm a sort of prissy lioness?

A little bit.

Compared to Svengooli?

Yeah, the elk.

The elk.

Whatever tribe.

Lions don't concern themselves with the worries of the elks, my friend.

Next year,

I'm going to take all two scenarios next year.

I'm going to work on it all.

All year long.

New scenarios.

Two new scenarios that I'm going to take.

Okay.

No Borganda next time.

If I had to point out one flaw in your thinking, it was you really laid it on for Morgana.

I would have seen a video recently of Morgana, and I was just mesmerized.

I was just like, that's the greatest.

Those are the two greatest things I've ever seen.

I just made those moves bounce with the run over.

Yeah, it's like, yeah, it's one of the greatest things you ever caught on camera.

Famous picture of Jane's Man, Jane Manfield, with

Angie Dickinson,

she's a bad girl.

She's a

cop.

Yeah, she's the opposite of bad.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Happy Halloween.

Happy Halloween, everyone.

Don't listen to BuzzFeed, girls.

Keep it sexy.

Keep Halloween sexy.

Don't you come back for your name, but I need my blood.

Get the road track.

Don't you come back for blood.

What you say in the road track?

don't you come back?

I need my blood.

You hear me, but hit the road track.

Don't you come back for blood?

Oh, woman, old woman, y'all making me a record.

The only thing I did was bite your neck.

If you don't like what I did,

I better close my coffin lid.

Close right in the road track.

Don't you come back, my blood remains right in my veins.

Hit the road track.

Don't you come back for blood.

Don't try me in the road track.

Don't you come back because I choose not to transcribe the road track.

Don't you come back for blood?