#571: Stool Archeologist

Yeah, we take shits in front of each other and everything.

Talk about Boris, the cat, if you want, for an hour or two.

I went in, and halfway down the hall, I start smelling this guy's elephant shit.

Oh, he fucking blew up the hallway.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him, Steve, Dave.

I'm here with Walt.

Hello.

And I'm here with a BQ.

Hello.

And in the wings, foreigner-approved Giddam.

How are you stanking?

And you ask why I say he's foreigner-approved.

A lot of foreigners,

you know, our international listeners agreed with Giddem on the tipping.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

But I guess it's because they just think it's a dumb system.

But he lives in the system.

He lives within the system.

If you wonder what I'm talking about, Giddam went to a buffet, didn't tip, I gave him shit for it.

And now internationally, people are like, hey, man, it's a stupid fucking system anyway.

We're with Giddam, blah, blah, blah.

However, it is the system.

It's the system.

Yeah, it's it's the system.

So, however, you guys have it over there where it's worth, you're still paying.

It's just worked into the food prices.

I would love nothing more than for fucking tipping to go away.

Sure.

You don't know who to tip anymore.

Oh, dude, I have to tip.

Every time somebody does it, I have to do it, and I got to do like 40, 50%.

Got to.

So it's like just a fucking, like, if tipping went away, I'd be so happy.

But also, it should be the opposite.

When I live in the system, get them.

Well, why isn't the opposite true then?

When I prepare a coffee for myself, I don't get a tip.

Oh, God.

Come on, man.

When I rig myself up at the register, I don't get a tip.

Oh, God almighty.

Right, you're not working there.

You're not selling your life for a little bit at a time, a little bit of money at a time.

You're there for you.

Come on, dude.

You're only winning over international.

The domestics still think you suck.

What countries are these people chiming in?

I think England.

Everything except for the U.S.

and Australia.

They wouldn't have you in the U.K.

You wouldn't even get across the border, you know?

They wouldn't let him.

No.

No, it's matched pretty well with the UK listeners who come in.

What do you think the odds are that you'll ever get to the UK?

Probably never.

Probably never.

Okay.

Now, is this a passion of yours?

Do you want to go to the UK?

No.

He wouldn't even go to Vegas with us.

He's not going to fucking go.

Remember that shit?

He won't go.

I would.

I just, I didn't get it.

I didn't get freedom to do it until later.

And by that point, the price had gone up.

What freedom did you do what?

I needed to get somebody to cover me at the farm.

Oh, I see.

Yeah.

Gotcha.

You don't even have those responsibilities now.

You won't go anywhere.

I'll go to Las Vegas.

Sure, you will.

Offers off the table.

Aren't you guys going away on a boys' retreat?

Why don't you

take TSD's resident boy child?

Man child.

I mean, I didn't think I'd fit in down there.

Probably be okay down there, I think.

Yeah.

Been to Florida.

We were there a month.

I thought they wanted to say where they were going.

Oh.

Oh, I mean, nobody knows what dates we're going anyway.

It doesn't matter.

Yeah.

uh but now are you

are you okay with the heat and the uh the tropical atmosphere and all that i know he went there i'm saying is he okay with it once he's there is he's like sweating bullets or no sticking the whole place up no more so than the

average overweight person in florida all right that's nice of you to say

from not what i was not what i was getting at i'm just saying it's hot as hell i i think he can handle it yeah i think guy should take him on your arm.

How are you on a jet ski?

I've done it once, and I had a good time.

I went a trip to learn how to kite surf in North Carolina.

Okay.

So we had, I think, Yamaha was the sponsor, so we got to try out their new jet skis at the time, which is like one of the first ones that had reverse, so it was cool.

Gonna have to see him on a jet ski before I could decide.

It's like Jimmy the Hair guy now.

He's the Jimmy the Hair guy.

We have to see if he has what it takes.

And I am okay with that.

Yeah.

Oh, so what do we got going on?

We just recorded a couple days days ago.

So, like, nothing has happened except it's rained.

That's about it.

It's rained for the past fucking four days.

It's rained a lot.

I could talk about Boris, the cat, if you want for an hour or two.

You know, if you're looking for that, I can

give you that.

It's a very good cat I have on my hands.

Feeling a little guilty about the Benjamin thing, but great cat.

Great cat.

Love that cat.

Do you believe?

Giant poops.

What do you say?

Poops?

Giant poops.

Oh, yeah.

Enormous, impressive poops.

That's healthy, though, right?

I believe so.

Get him tells me.

Yeah.

Aren't they supposed to be in the bathroom though, Giddam?

It was so funny.

I don't know if you know we heard this, but I heard that, like, when you got here earlier, Q, before we started recording, I heard you go, I'm going to use the bathroom, and Giddim told you not to go in there.

I didn't go in there yet.

I wasn't going to bring this up, but since you brought it up,

it made me laugh so hard because I heard you go then when he said I wouldn't go in there if I were you.

Well, could I use the ladies' room then?

The ladies' room.

And he's like, just knock before you go in.

I went in, and halfway down the hall, I started smelling this guy's elephant shit.

He fucking blew up the hallway outside the bathroom.

That's the office coach.

This building knows when the office coach is in fucking door.

I wasn't going to say anything because I thought it was maybe a little too gross, but dude, and get him, am I lying?

I walked down that hallway, and like, I'm talking 10 feet from the bathroom door.

I was like, whoa.

And you have to pass by that door in order to get to the

lady's door.

Well, in his defense, he told me he went to a new buffet with his father yesterday.

No, no, no.

My father cooked last night.

Yeah.

And he made pork wine with lots of garlic in it and baked beans.

Yeah, but if that's a smell that's coming out of you, I as well would make you make him go to a porty potty in the middle of a fucking tennis field as well, or whatever.

That can't be in a house.

Well, this is an office, Q.

This is not a house.

Well, it's kind of.

Even though he treats it as his house, this is a studio/slash office.

But that fucking old guy that the two of you love so much, Ron.

He's not going to live when he goes in there, he's going to drop.

But you know why?

He likes that, though.

He says it kind of feels like a frat house environment though, like the back of college.

He's like, I like it.

I'm back at the barracks.

Thanks.

It's like a pack at college in 1942.

Let's go jam ourselves into a fucking phone booth or an outhouse.

Hijinks.

Dude, it was like, I didn't want to say anything because I was like, I don't know.

Why?

Why?

Is that like

uncomfortable?

No, it's just, I think we ride get him a lot, and it's not within his control.

He takes pride in that.

Do you really?

He walked away with his thumbs tucked under the breast of his shirt.

Everybody's going to know I was here.

Yeah, I laid my mark.

That's how I'm stanking.

Oh, my God, dude.

That was bad.

That smell was

awful.

And you're like, what is going on inside that body?

What process is happening?

That's not normal digestion.

Oh, dude.

There's a lot of garlic and beans.

That's like in a cartoon when a car's making like that.

I equate that probably if you could go back to like 1 million years BC and smell a caveman's dropping some dinosaur beat.

That's what it would smell like.

Caveman's score.

That scene from Jurassic Park.

Are you aware of this?

Like you've run into this?

Like if a stool archaeologist were to fucking happen up on to the TST Town General store,

he would be like, this looks like the stool of Cro-Magnum Man.

They were all extinct.

One survived.

Was I aware of this, though?

No, like, you're in this office with him all the time.

Like, have you run into this before?

Where you're like, holy shit, this guy.

No, I have not, thankfully.

What about your house?

Like, you're over his house a bit, like, putting together furniture.

You would never use his bowl for that?

He'll run into the fucking weeds across the street.

He'll go to the cattails and shit.

Just see him moving.

Get him.

Comes out of tall grass.

Comes out with a severe case of Lyme disease.

Yeah, so where's the battle?

He's covered from head to toe in ticks.

One on the

boss.

Thumbs up.

One on his eyeball.

His open eye.

All smiles.

Just crawling all over them.

And nobody uses that woman's room.

I have.

The cleanest.

Oh, I mean, women don't use that.

Well, there's only one

lass in the whole building, the yarn lady, who

still won't say hello to me, still won't be.

She's probably not coming up here for that.

To use the bathroom.

No, I see her use the bathroom quite often.

Oh, really?

Actually, more than Giddam uses the bathroom.

She washes stuff in there like I do.

Yeah.

Like cups and stuff.

Socks?

No.

Cups and stuff.

Maybe you should just start using the ladies' room and get them.

Yeah.

No.

No, that'll get us kicked out.

We'll put a sign on the front.

Be like, man inside, stinking it up.

But why would he have to use

the ladies' room, though, because of the men's room?

If you and Ron are using the men's room and you got to walk into that fucking room.

Ron, I told you, Ron's okay with it.

He's like,

and he's not much better.

He's cool.

You know, you got to worry about the cigar smoking guy.

Fucking place will blow up.

It was bad, though, man.

It was pretty bad walking down that hallway.

It felt like I reminded you, I had to flash back to my old fire department days.

When you're going down the hallway towards a dangerous situation, put your SCBA on.

That's what I'm saying.

Like, it reminded you of the good old days.

That's why Ron is just like, you know, where's Get him at, man?

That bathroom smells clean.

He's looking for

candy.

How would that go?

Ron would buy them all.

Yeah, really.

Woof.

Yeah, that was brutal, man.

Did you know that it was a fucking catastrophe when you were delivering it?

Yeah, that's why I enacted against you.

That's why I warned you.

Humanity.

He did warn me.

You gotta, you gotta get, he is a good friend.

He did, he did.

Because, you know, a lot of guys would have been like, oh, this is gonna be fucking great, guys.

He's going to the bathroom.

Check this out.

Then I walk in and get hit with the full force of it.

So he warned me.

Right.

So there is, you know, that's a fallacy that you can't smell your own shit.

It doesn't.

I just knew it was going to be bad.

Fucking

people on the fucking International Space Station smelled that shit, dude.

He definitely smelled it.

It was a brutal man.

And I mentioned the reason he told me because I was going in next.

He had no choice but to own it.

Because I saw you saw you.

So he couldn't avoid that.

Because if he hadn't.

Not going there.

Ron was just in there to kill the guy.

Throwing Ron under the body.

Yeah.

Ron's head perks up.

He's like, what?

What did he just say?

Now, cigar smoking guy.

Is that also Ron?

Yes, Ron too.

The guy who smokes cigars.

His name is also Ron.

Around the corner.

Right.

Is his name Ron too?

His name is Ron too?

Yeah, I think.

Yeah, he hasn't really warmed up to us either, has he?

A little.

He yelled the door open for us that one day.

It's sad how

their bar for self-worth is measured by these people.

They don't even know their fucking last names.

So much so that they don't want to leave you.

Yeah, they have to attack.

This is a legitimate reason.

I'm attached.

I like Ron.

Okay.

We go somewhere else, you don't know what's going to happen with the bathroom.

Then get him blows up, then we're asked to leave.

Here we know it's accepted and,

you know.

The boy has a condition.

Well, I will say this.

This is the first time I've ever glad that the bathroom is not in our office.

Yeah.

Although if it had a window, he could open that window and kill some birds outside.

Yeah, that's obnoxious shit.

The fire department shows up.

Did you do courtesy flushes?

What are you up to?

Yeah,

because that one doesn't have a good flush on it.

I don't understand what that is.

What's a courtesy flush?

Where you like you shit out real quick,

and then you just flush right away to get this, like, help with the smell.

Oh, yeah.

So you do it as a courtesy.

You don't eat it quickly.

Yeah,

almost as it's coming out of you, you flush.

Almost at light speed.

Yeah, yeah.

You want to get away as much as possible.

Giddam's in there marinating in it.

Oh, God.

I love that this is the fucking episode.

Almost a half hour discussing Giddam's bowel issues.

That's the other reason I want to bring it up because I don't want to talk about it, but here we are.

I do take a probiotic, though, so I think that kind of helps.

Does it?

Can you imagine if he didn't?

Like, what the fuck?

Why do you take a probiotic?

Because I had to take two rounds of antibiotics for the finger and the elbow.

Okay.

So I wanted to replenish my

gut flora.

Okay.

Because they call it roasts.

Maybe, like, when I talk about the sciatic and stuff, like, does it sound as disgusting as when he talks about his health shit?

No, ca I mean, because you don't have like unsightly lumps everywhere.

So you and you're not draining them in front of us.

We're talking about draining them.

All of a sudden we're not watching Vivo Seventies and I look over and he's got a fucking needle hanging out of his mouth

and a bowl and a glass bowl of absolutely.

Dude, I'm going to get sick.

It's just going to make me sick.

How is this?

I've done so much.

How is this my life?

You should be somewhere else here, right?

But you're not.

You're surrounded by Gidam's fluids and stank and whatever else.

We know he sleeps on the couch.

I mean, there's pillows and a blanket.

Well, no, that socks is my cat.

Oh, okay.

So it's not a shared blanket?

No.

Socks won't share.

That's just like

I worry about her claws on the leather and everything.

So she'll slept, so I put that on there.

Oh, I see.

We wouldn't want to mess up that

wagtaker when she walks by the bathroom.

If it's an and she smells

anything that Guinea may have left behind, she acts like that time.

You know, she smelled a bear dropping.

Yeah,

she looks like one of those fainting goats.

Ever see those?

Yeah, legs straight up

like a cartoon.

Oh, my God.

Every once in a while, you feel like.

What's that card?

That's for the next.

Oh, okay.

You know,

I've lived with girls.

Do you,

Brian, like,

do you keep it secret in your marriage?

Or are you, like.

Yeah.

That kind of stuff is kept under wraps.

Right.

Yeah.

On both ends.

On both sides.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you, you signed like a little treaty beforehand, you know, and like this, or is it unwritten treaty?

It's It's unwritten, but every once in a while, like if I'm in the bedroom and like she's in the bathroom off the bedroom, if I hear anything, I'll be like, oh, my God, like make a big deal about her.

So she knows to keep quiet.

Don't turn a TV up louder just to like, you know, out of sight, out of mind, or in this case, if you can't.

Well, then I wouldn't be able to hear it and taunt her.

I thought you didn't want to, though.

No, I don't.

I don't really would rather not hear it.

But if I do happen to, then

the TV goes up because I'm like, I don't want to be in that situation where I'm like, oh, no, here comes a noise.

I don't.

I've never understood those relationships where they're open about it.

Jimmy the hair guy and his girl, they're like, oh yeah, we take shits in front of each other and everything.

Let's come.

And his girl's like, well, there's only one bathroom.

What are we supposed to do?

I'm like, I don't know.

I would shit outside.

Yeah.

I thought, you know, I thought they were pulling one of those

erectile

supplement.

commercials where you see like two bathtubs.

I thought there was two toilets and they take shits.

Oh, no.

Just holding hands.

That I could get behind.

It's a little romantic, I guess.

But, like, her brushing her teeth.

Everything together.

Yeah, like her brushing her teeth while Jimmy the hair guy's like, ah, ah, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, man.

I can't take a fucking shit.

Have any of you dated someone who was like okay with that?

Pretty early on in any relationship I've been in, those rules have been pretty.

Not laid out.

Not laid out, but my feelings are unknown about it.

I don't want to.

I don't even want to know you go to the bathroom, let alone hear you go to the bathroom.

I had an ex who hopped that on me, and I made the immediate beeline out of the bathroom.

Yeah.

Yeah, because I'm like, and I was just, she came out and I was like, yeah, that's just.

Were you still going when you left?

No, no, no.

I wasn't going to trail.

Yeah.

Look like that plane from last week.

No, like I was, I think I was like washing my hands and she just came in, dropped trow and started.

And I'm like, okay, and I'm

right out of the bathroom.

I try not to judge because I know people in my life, good people.

Good people.

Names that would shock you if I I told you that.

Really?

They have no problem with the open-door shit that walk in.

It's awkward, though, to

broach that subject, isn't it?

When you're going to be like, you know what, I'm not really into it.

Because then you're like, well, I thought we were close.

I thought we were, you know, I thought we were home.

We ain't that close.

We're not that close as right.

We were so intimate last night.

How could this bother you?

Did it bother you nosing around there last night?

Why now?

Why all of a sudden are you mood?

It's a good point.

You crowned yourself the anal king.

Yeah, but that's an entrance, not an exit.

Now, as someone with cats,

when you're

my bathroom, I had to keep the door propped open because if I tried closing the door, my cats would like bang on, you know, reach their paws under and bang on the door and everything.

So I would keep the, but I was living by myself at the time.

So

cats, you know, it's a weird thing.

You have to get used to cats watching you do all sorts of things.

Well, no, I'm saying that's why I kept the door open because they would try to get in, you know, if I kept the door closed.

So I just ended up keeping it open again.

While I was in the middle of the day, there wasn't a female in my house.

Yeah, there wasn't.

Yeah.

Then

my shits are strategically taken at all times.

Yeah.

Can you explain this to someone who has never owned a cat?

Why does this have to happen?

What do you mean?

No, if there's a female cat.

No female.

Oh, if there's any female cat, I was like,

no, no, a woman, like a human female.

Okay.

Yeah.

Any female's going to go for his dong when he sees it.

Yeah.

I got really.

So you have a strategy when there's a female afoot.

There's many bathrooms in my house, Walter.

Is there?

And there's our ones like really out of the way.

Oh, yeah, that basement one.

Oh, that's nobody even knows about the Elvis one.

Nobody even knows.

Nobody even knows.

It's a beautiful bathroom.

It is.

Do they know where you're when they can't find you?

Oh, he's probably down there.

I mean, I try and really plan these things around like visits or

downtimes.

Like, I, I,

you are so considerate.

Yeah, I just don't want, I don't want it.

Look, man, it's repulsive to me.

You brought in a book about how to write

a book written for women and how to act.

You should be writing the one for men about how

to coordinate your droppings around your partner's schedule.

You're not wrong.

It might be in there.

You're not wrong.

I can give people like rules to how to do stuff, and one of them would be like,

look, man, look, that's your queen.

That's your princess.

What do you want to have to think about shit falling out of your ass?

Or why do you want to see that?

And then what if it's not like, what if, again, like, you know, you have a night where you're eating pork loin and garlic.

Now, yeah, like, let's say, you know, you got someone visiting the next day.

Yeah.

Would you be like, you know what?

I'm going to fucking hold off on the pork loin and garlic.

No, because I have that

bathroom downstairs.

You know what I'm saying?

So you won't deny yourself.

This is the thing, too.

There's a shower and there's a stand-up shower in that bathroom.

Yes.

So you could do a full release, quick cleanup.

You're ready for action.

You're not worried about nothing.

And the steam.

You can get as close as she wants.

You ain't going to pick up anything.

I encourage her to get close.

And the sound of the shower plus the steam.

The sound of the shower covers the sound of anything coming out, and the steam helps knock down the odor.

And if you've got a fan, you click that bad boy up left to right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's yeah.

Look at him like agreeing with you.

Like,

well, when he's ever done any of these.

well yeah no when my uh when my friend

in a pickle bucket no no

no uh when i when i had a friend visit weird brown pickles get it they sure do taste good

um when i had a friend visit and we were sharing a hotel room i timed it with the shower yeah so i would start the shower up get it done real quick then take the shower So that, you know, I never had to worry about that.

With the exhaust band on, of course.

I don't really look at the news that much anymore, and I find I'm better for it.

I very rarely look at the news, but every once in a while, Troy will send something to me or somebody.

Something will catch my eye.

So, you know, I'm on the news and I'm looking.

And he did not send this to me, but I saw that you see shit like this, and then you're like, all right, well, I guess the girls have a fucking point here.

Six university students.

Now, this is in Brazil.

Six university students expelled after disgusting group masturbation celebration video goes viral.

Oh, my God.

What?

Yeah, it was on a volleyball court.

It was on a volleyball court.

Yeah, I saw it too.

It's crazy.

I didn't see the video, but I heard

a bunch of dudes jerking off.

Med students.

Together?

Yeah,

it was in Sao Paulo, Brazil.

But can you take in consideration

cultural differences in other countries?

It doesn't appear that you can because they all got expelled.

Why did they get expelled?

They're not allowed to jerk off in public.

They're not allowed to

a volleyball game.

Oh, it was.

I thought it was like late at night.

They crept onto the court.

You're saying

the girls were playing.

The girls were playing what was going on.

Oh, Lord.

During a game, the guys, these six guys are sitting on the sidelines watching the women's volleyball team with their pants around their ankles.

After the team won the volleyball championship,

this player stormed the court.

These are, I guess, male volleyball players.

I don't know why they're saying they're players.

They were viewers.

And appeared to perform a group masturbation celebration.

The half-naked group of students paraded around the gym, gym, touching their genitalia as those in the stands looked on in disgust.

What the fuck?

This originally happened in April, but it just went viral recently.

A disgusting, unacceptable episode.

The behavior of young people who are at the university who intend to be doctors and take care of people, says Brazilian president.

So in about maybe 15 years,

you're going to the doctor

and you find out that he was one of the six who got

a fucking motherfucker.

I still took him over the fucking Muppet dressing motherfucker that I got now.

He took part in this celebratory

masturbation ceremony.

I don't understand.

Can you keep him as your doctor?

Probably not.

No.

It's a little too weird.

He's the best doctor you've had, though.

He's like, I love this doctor.

Is he the best doctor for whatever Q needs?

Yeah.

How long did it last?

He was in pre-med.

How old is he now, though?

He's in his 40s.

He did it when he was in his early 20s.

I don't know if 20 years is enough.

If he's in his 60s, I might be like, hey, man, we all do stupid shit when we're younger.

Like, 20 years ago, I don't know, man.

But who started that?

Like, who was like, who was the first one that was like, guys, I got a great idea?

Yeah.

How do you talk the other five into it?

We're just going to walk around just pulling on our fucking cocks, walking around.

Was there video?

Oh, yeah, there's video.

Can I see the video?

I mean, it's on the post, so you're not seeing anything.

Everything's like, but here's like them all on the sidelines with the

pixelated.

So wait, they didn't throw them out the second, like, the girls kept playing?

They kept playing because I think.

They kind of ignored it, kind of, like, tried to, like, pretend it wasn't happening.

It's like tunnel vision.

They didn't see it.

I don't know if they had their cocks out because the article isn't clear on this.

From what I hear, the post is not clear on that article.

There's a lot of shit.

Well, that's a big difference.

And if they don't have their, if they're not exposed.

Well, they expose themselves.

Once they got out onto the court, like after they won and they all ran out onto the court, that's when they exposed themselves, I believe.

I think they just had their pants around their ankles

with their underwear on or whatever.

And then they jumped out.

It's so cute.

There's nothing, there's no celebratory instance where you can picture yourself like you and your friends, like you're so happy that you're celebrating something and you go, hey guys, let's just pull it out and wank.

Come on, Jokers.

Let's do it.

We got renewed.

Come on.

No,

I find that really odd.

But like to walk around the volleyball court,

did they plan to go to completion?

Like, what the fuck is going on down there?

Was it like a distraction?

Like, they were trying to maybe distract the other team?

The closest I ever came to suggesting it to a group of friends was when I had

Gineman Sunday over to watch the Patriots Falcons Super Bowl, and the Patriots were down 28 to 3, and it was the most unlikely comeback in sports history.

I almost was like, hey, guys,

let's just jerk off right now.

Sunday was like, beat you to it.

Sunday.

Sunday was in no mood to jerk off.

He hates Tom Brady.

Oh, don't you believe it?

He was the most sour motherfucker.

He was just like,

he was a fucking choke job.

He was so aman.

Choke job.

So the Brazilian Ministry of Women slammed the disgusting scenes that unfolded.

It said it must be dealt with by the law.

Breaking centuries of misogynistic culture is a constant task that requires a careful look at all types of gender-based violence.

It said in a statement.

I don't know if you

have such a hard time.

The Ministry of Women, is that like an official

hero team?

I'm sure it is.

I mean, it's hard to argue with them on the you can't argue at all.

That's what I said.

Like, I hate feeling like, you know, oh, it's

being woke, but it's just being civil.

Could you imagine your son?

You send them to medical school, you save up, you know,

you sacrifice everything.

Everything.

I got expelled.

What did you do?

What happened?

No, did you

plagiarized?

You cheated?

Started pulling my putt on the girl.

You will form when the girls won.

Yeah, I was so excited by the girls winning.

I think it's some sort of statement for, I don't think it's just because they were happy the girls' team won.

Yeah.

I think it has to be way more than that.

It had to be some sort of like

message that they were sending that they weren't happy about something or they're making some sort of I just can't believe that they're that euphoric because like I said, nobody was more euphoric than me when the Patriots stormed back and won that Super Bowl against the Falcons and even I was like, this is not the time or place.

But Sunday and get him leave.

There'll be time for that.

He was sitting there going, Do you believe in miracles?

Man, that is r nasty.

Yeah.

I guess it was just

a group of Brazilian med students exposing faunal genitals after game.

I guess they

don't know.

I would love to.

If girls went out and flashed, would it be as big of a deal?

Like, girls ran around and lift up their shirts and no.

No, it's just more

aggressive and more.

I don't think it's the...

I don't think...

Because if

they pulled their fucking shorts down and started playing with their pussies on it, it would be a...

Oh, I'd go to more volleyball now.

I hear what you're saying, but I think people would just be as shocked.

I remember people

clucking their tongues when Brandy Chastain won and ripped off her shirt with the sports bra.

Sports bra.

Yeah, yeah.

Which I had no problem with.

No, I don't know why anybody had a problem with it.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't.

Yeah, there's not any additional information other than what I've told everyone so far.

This is in all the orders.

You're just that guy, though.

Like, how do you go back to your village?

Where the fuck?

Like, what do you...

I mean, you're not going back to class because you got kicked out.

Again, though, I would like to know if if in brazil this is not that out of the ordinary though i would like to know if they're carnival but you know it is it is definitely a more open culture yeah it's a more open culture as far as nudity and like you go to the beaches or charlest beaches and thumbs up and find out all the facts that might be well within their rights right

well i mean you're right it might be like we're not being woke by not accepting yes yeah

i think we could pick a side on this one without worrying about anything i can't remember i don't know really you can't be too careful anymore anymore.

Yeah.

Well, they're probably in America now, those five guys.

Yeah, they're in New York right now.

If you guys wanted to hit learn something, there was something worth Hit learning this week.

Where is it, man?

Still facts about Hitler.

There's still, well, this newest one is kind of weird.

Canada's House Speaker apologizes after Ukrainian who fought for Nazis was honored.

Wait, what?

Yeah.

Jewish groups demanded an explanation after Anthony Roda, the Speaker of Canada's House of Commons, introduced a 98-year-old veteran of an SS unit as a hero.

Well, he didn't know.

Clearly, the guy didn't know.

They didn't know.

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, President Zelensky of Ukraine, who had just addressed the chamber, were there, but several Jewish groups responded with outrage, saying that the man who's 98 had served in a Nazi unit known as the 14th Waffen-Grendenier Division of the SS, which fought fought alongside Germany during World War II and declared allegiance to Adolf Hitler.

This guy's still alive.

Yeah.

And he was like crying.

He was all like touched because they finally understood.

They finally got.

Yeah.

But it's like, that's the fucking problem with the woke shit.

Is like you have a country, Canada, prime minister who's ultra woke.

They're just trying to suck Ukraine's dick as fast as they can without like doing the proper

research and vetting for guys like this.

This is not a mistake that should be made.

What research do they have to do about you?

They got to look up the guy.

I mean, the guy.

Oh, yeah, the guy who brought Ukraine into it.

They should have.

I got you.

No, it's just everybody's like, I support the Ukraine.

And they don't know a lot about the Ukraine.

I got a news story.

They don't know a lot about it.

I got a news story.

Really shocked me.

That in Australia, you have to submit your baby's name for approval from

in front of a committee.

No.

Yes.

Is it every name or just names that are like a little bit out of the ordinary?

Because I know you're not allowed to name your kids like Adolph and shit like that.

Yes, Adolf is

one of the seven names you can't say on your birth certificate.

Should you be able to say on TV?

I mean, for the kid's sake, no, you shouldn't be able to.

No.

If you're that dope.

I lean towards like,

if you want to be dopey and do that, you should not be told by the government that you can't name your kid.

kid.

This all comes from a story because I think that the parents submitted a name.

I think it was Crystal Meth or something.

I was there for two days before.

They just wanted to, they just were making a joke that they weren't serious about it, but the name got approved.

So when they saw the birth certificate, they told the doctors what their name, the real name was going to be like, oh, they already have the name ready, and they showed them the birth certificate.

And it's like,

what's the drug that was on Breaking Bad?

Yeah, it was meth.

But what's it called on Breaking Bad?

Does it have a different name?

Blue?

They called it Blue.

Crystal Method.

Crystal Method.

Dog calls it ice, doesn't he?

Yeah, but it wasn't ice.

But it was some sort of technical name for one of those.

Methamphetamine?

Yes, that was it.

Oh, the entire

proper name?

Yes, that's what they used, and somehow it got approved.

So now they have to go through hell in high water to change the name to the real name now because they're like, oh, fuck, we didn't think it would ever get approved.

That's kind of funny because whoever approved it's like, you know what?

Let these motherfuckers fuck around.

Go ahead and name your kid methamphetamine and see what happens.

Or it's just like someone's asleep at the Switch fucking taking that paycheck.

Stamping that shit.

Yeah, for some.

Two o'clock, one o'clock.

Yep, for some ridiculous board that, like, deems whether you can name your child what you want.

Wasn't there, wasn't there, there was a case in New Jersey, or was it New York, New Jersey or Pennsylvania?

It was the Shoprite case where they, uh, like the kid's name was like White Power or something.

For the cake.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Or Aryan Nation.

But isn't there...

I think they got there.

It's almost like a form of child abuse in India.

They got

it.

Yeah,

that's the rub in this whole situation.

It's fucked up, though, that you have to submit names to be approved, but it's also fucked up that you would even consider.

Well, think about this.

I think years ago,

like, if you beat your kids, it was just like, hey, that's the fucking home life.

What are you going to do?

You know what I mean?

And now it's like if you see someone even slap their kid in public, you're like, ooh, I don't know if they should should be doing that.

So, you know, it's not like the government doesn't have,

you know, some role because that kid is a citizen of the country and we're supposed to be looking out for him.

Right.

And his parents want to name him methamphetamine.

I don't know.

I get it, but it is fucked up that you had to create.

Yeah, there's something in me that rises up against being

told what I can and cannot do as well.

Yeah, but that's very American of us.

Yeah, yeah.

And we need that.

That's why we are American.

That's why we are fucking.

That's why we fucking beat the British.

That's That's right.

That's why we

like that, British.

The Nazis.

That's right.

The Ratsies.

Yeah.

We were told you can't do it when we did it.

Sherry.

But I don't think a kid should be named Methodist.

So really, I'm like the most American motherfucker then.

Like, people are like, you can't do that.

And I'm like, well, that makes me want to do it then.

I have that American spirit.

You have some sort of like

childhood trauma

that like

you're constantly looking for authority to buck when there isn't any authority even there.

And the thing is, like, you also don't really want to do any of it.

You just want to say.

You just want to speak.

You just want to grouse.

That's all you want to do.

Instead of taking action.

I couldn't stand when, like, when we did comic book men and they're like, you can't wear a Rick and Morty shirt.

I'm like, why not?

You don't have any animation.

You're not in competition with these guys.

And we went back and forth and back and forth.

Finally, they were like...

I was like, all right, this isn't a hill I'm willing to die on.

So then I got a Rick and Morty

transaction,

which meant we talked about it for 10 minutes instead of just having a shirt.

In your face.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But they did the same thing with, like, I wanted to wear a shirt that said Omar coming from The Wire, a show that had been on 20 years before.

And they're like, no, we're in competition with HBO.

I'm like,

for Christ's sakes.

Yeah.

So I got to wear it

during that one episode.

That's the only episode I could wear it in.

Because it's like these execs, they got nothing to do.

So they want to sit there and give a note.

They got to just say that.

If I give a note, yeah, I can justify my job.

Oh, well, you know, and it looks like I'm really got the company's best interests at heart if I'm saying, like, well, no, we're in competition with Comedy Central or no, or

Cartoon Network or whatever the fuck we're doing.

Yeah.

Speaking of, we were talking about Joe Rogan money earlier, Walt.

And Spotify, I found this out from Chris Ledondo, is to use AI to replicate podcasters' voices and translate them into other languages.

This is something Mary Beth looked into like a year ago, maybe a little bit more, and it was going to be $8,000 a person to translate each of our voices.

And so obviously we were like, all right, well, that seems excessive.

But now with AI and the ability to really sort of like nail people's voices, and it's only getting better, I see that being cheaper.

And then we're in, like, now Groupy can listen to us in Spanish if she feels like.

I got to imagine there's going to be some

missing

speakings that are not going to go well in the Spanish

sounds.

That's not our fault, though.

That's the AI's fault.

People will understand that.

Will they?

People are understanding.

Yeah, you know.

From other countries, they seem to be, not America so much.

Or do they?

Yeah, so I don't know.

Maybe that's something we want to look into.

You know, getting our voices.

You know, we could speak.

Wouldn't that be cool to hear yourself speaking Russian or Japanese?

No, you don't care, huh?

I don't care.

It's English for me, baby.

Yeah.

English all the way?

Yeah.

All right.

King's English.

What else do we got here?

I'm really searching for shit now.

Like I said, I've done nothing the past three days except sit there with my fucking sciatica like a bitch, and I don't want to talk about that.

I noticed Killer Clerns, Killer Clerns, Killer Clowns merchandise.

Have you gone to Spirit of Halloween or anything?

Not yet.

Dude, it's fucking everywhere.

You're talking about from the 80s movie?

Yeah.

It's a cult classic.

But the license must have just come up because we went to Spirit of Halloween, tons of Killer Clown stuff.

We go to Pet Smart, Killer Clowns Outfits for Dogs.

I'm thinking the licensing must have just come up.

They finally agreed.

Oh, what are they doing?

Killer Clowns video game.

And I think

five years ago, Universal at the Hollywood Horror Knights did a Killer Clown maze.

So something happened somewhere.

Do you remember about 10 years ago when

clown sightings were all the rage?

Oh, yeah.

I was thinking about that the other day.

Like, they would just be on the side of the road.

That's right.

Fuzz on the lens, guys.

Yeah, yeah.

They did that.

That would take over.

It was

everything anybody could talk about.

And people were like, if I see that fucking clown, I'm going to fuck him up.

If I take a baseball bat, I'm going to fuck him up.

And you did see videos.

You did see videos.

It wasn't clearly just a dude in a mass fucking around.

Are you going to beat him up?

I remember the Howell Police Department issued a statement.

We're stepping up patrols.

And despite any rumors you may have heard about clown sightings at schools, schools are clown-free.

We have officers on hand dealing with this situation.

Kennedy, we should bring it back this Halloween.

We should dress you up as a clown.

People are still willing to beat clowns.

And just have you step out of the woods somewhere.

I don't think he needs the clown makeup.

Just have him step out of the woods at two in the morning.

Is that a homeless clown?

And have it start to trend again.

You know, like the New Jersey clown.

The toothless clown.

He's back.

Who is the toothless clown?

The shirtless, toothless clown.

And then when they find out he's got going shirtless, yeah.

What's the fallout when they find out it's him?

He didn't break any laws.

Yeah, but people are scaring people.

He's like, might be inciting public panic.

They might look for something on the books that they can get.

And we have a lawyer now.

Oh, that's right.

I have a high-powered lawyer, and I

very good-looking man.

Oh, is he handsome?

Is it Ron?

No, no, no.

We've got the, like, he,

I mean,

he probably wins cases just on looks alone.

Wow.

That seems fair.

He's a male man.

I'd hate to go up against him.

He goes in, just turns his head slightly to the left.

We're going to start making Brazilian fucking sooner, really.

But anyway, but I would just give the, like, let's say Giddam gets charged with something.

It's October.

You cannot tell people they can't dress up in October like clowns.

You're good housekeeping.

We're still in America, anyway.

I don't believe believe you should be able to go.

What's next?

A name committee?

Oh,

it's a slippery slope.

That's what my lawyer would say.

I want him to say slippery slope.

It makes me wet.

He's going to come on, too.

I told him as soon as he.

Where do we get this guy?

He just showed up one day.

Gave me a zip a lighter.

And yeah, I gave him the.

He's an aunt.

He's an aunt, and I gave him the deets of something I have him working on, and he has made more progress than I could have ever imagined on something I'm trying to reacquire.

Wow.

Yeah.

Oh, all right.

Legal channels.

I was blocked.

Stonewalled, as he called it.

He said that.

He said that.

I love that.

Trying to get the name Pucknuts back.

Wow.

Fuck, man.

Yeah, but like, what do you think, man?

We can

get that

vibe going again.

We will take it all the way to the Supreme Court.

The people versus Gidem.

New movie coming out.

Would you be willing, Giddem, to dress up like a clown, shirt on, and

make late-night appearances in different spots?

You know what you have to do?

If it's night, you have to go to a place, like, say, like a dance studio where little girls are dancing.

No, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, he's standing across the street.

He's not in the dance studio.

He's across the street staring at you.

Within 500 feet, no.

You're going to stare adults?

Our lawyer just texted me.

Yeah.

Nope.

As long as you don't involve kids, you're on safe grounds.

Safe footing.

He actually used the phrase safe footing.

Safe footing?

Yeah, okay.

Which is a legal term.

Prevents a slippery slope.

You're practically a paralegal now.

Just like creep around the Dublin house and stare in the windows or something like that.

It's dark, but you will right around on the parkway

where there's a lit area.

That's going to cause an accident.

Pile up.

He crawls out of the woods on all fours.

You think he's capable?

Do you think it would be be the first time?

Only this time dressed as a clown.

And he just shambles to the edge of the highway.

Right.

And

cars see him, and you know, and they're like,

swerving towards him.

He's going back into the woods to safety.

Now we know that's a good thing.

A couple nights in a row.

I guarantee you, you'll start to see it on social media.

Oh, definitely.

Can I just stand

outside fantasies?

No.

Like in the graveyard across your fantasies?

Oh,

you just want people to be like, did I just see a toothless fucking, I was going to say, the derogatory clown?

Accurate, but derogatory.

Right?

It would be, people would just be losing their minds.

I think, though, people

walking out of the strip club, walking out of fantasies, I bet you if you're across the street there, like at one o'clock at night, you've had a couple drinks.

Low-in-the-dark makeup, maybe?

Will you shave your head?

No.

I'm afraid it won't.

Whatever's left might not grow back.

I would like to see these photos.

Maybe Jimmy the hair guy could take some shots of you.

Oh, fuck yeah.

I love clowns.

He wants to be involved on any level possible.

If anyone's going to do clown makeup, I would trust him the most of all.

Oh, that's true.

Yeah, he's a trung-o.

He's a juggalo.

Oh, okay.

There you go.

That's one of my notes in here.

Like, I have so many notes.

One of them was Jimmy the hair guy got into an accident watching bros on his phone while driving and jerking off.

In a celebratory year.

Half of that was true.

Did you get to another accent?

No, this was from a while ago.

This is just shit I haven't mentioned.

Although we were talking earlier about

the Halloween special, which will come out right before Halloween.

Yeah.

Halloween, probably the weekend before Halloween.

We were talking about different fears that you have.

And one of Sage, the thing that Sage has been coming to me with lately a lot is she's like, like, so much so that I'm like, do you know something I don't?

Are you like one of those cancer-sniffing dogs?

She keeps coming up.

She's like, Dad, Dada, I want you to die.

I need you.

I need you.

She goes, Yeah.

It is weird.

Out of nowhere.

But I mean, I don't know.

Her mother has told her that, like, her father died.

So maybe she's putting that two and two together now that she's gotten older or something.

But yeah, I'm like,

I can't sit there and be like, don't worry, I'll never die.

It's like, did you, were you like just leaving the bathroom and maybe she smelled something like something?

Like some garlic and pork loin.

It's like, oh no, Dada died.

Oh, wait.

I just took a gross shit.

No, I'm fine.

Yeah, it's all good.

It's fine.

We ain't got any more of that, any more leftovers?

Yeah, where's that cork loin go anyway?

It's in the fridge.

No.

Grab me a clove of garlic while you're at it.

That has nowhere to go for seven days.

This is your life for the next week.

Yeah, so I'm not exactly sure what to do.

I can't.

Can I sit there and be like, don't, don't even worry about it.

I'm not going to die.

Just tell her.

Why would you do anything other than that?

Because when that bill comes due, you're not the one paying it.

Well, I did.

I accidentally, like,

I was sitting on the bed one time just, and Mary Beth is in the bathroom, and she, Sage comes in the bedroom, sits on the bed with me, and she's talking about Norm.

And

I was like, she was like, where's Norm's mommy?

She goes, I said, well, she's not around anymore.

Where'd she go?

I said, well, and I don't know why I said it.

I probably should have just said something different.

I was like,

she got hit by a car.

Oh, my God.

Why would she?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Did she get hit by a car?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Well, that's a little better.

I thought you were just scrambling for a reason.

And she's like, farm state or hit by a car.

Yeah, she was like, yeah.

She was like, what?

I started getting really upset.

And she was like, does my bestie know?

You know, that's Mary Beth, her bestie.

And I was like, yeah, she knows.

And she's like, what did she say?

And in that moment, I had to make a decision about what Mary Beth said.

Was she driving the car in this new situation?

She wasn't driving the car, but I did say, I go, she laughed.

She goes, what?

She was fucking blown away.

She couldn't believe it.

I go, I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding.

Why don't you just say, I'm just kidding.

She's alive and she's on a farm.

By that, it was too late.

I was in too deep.

She knew that if I was like, no, no, no, I'm just kidding.

She would know that I was lying.

dad scrambling

yeah I had to scramble and

in retrospect I'm like well I know why I told her yeah I was a couple gummies in oh you know and so I'm just sitting there chilling out she comes in she's coming at me with these questions about norm truth pills oh really they're like sodium pentothal no no I think they just lower your yeah I was just like kind of relaxed and being like I don't know it just occurred to me that she could handle it but and she handled it yeah Yeah, she handled it.

But her face, when I said that Mary Beth, laughed when she found it.

It's so funny.

I wish she was like, oh, why would you say that?

It's like one of those things where I'm like, I can't get out my phone and recorder at every moment.

Plus, I'm of a generation that I'm just not used to that.

Like, we went to breakfast last week with like the parent, both sets of parents and Sage.

And not once did it occur to me to be like, hey, we should take a picture of this moment.

Like, I'm just not, that's not my mindset.

I don't take a lot of pictures.

How did the

visit from the parents go?

They were here for a long time.

No, they weren't.

They were only here

Friday morning until Monday morning.

Real early Monday morning.

It's been a long time.

Really?

Friday night, Saturday.

Friday night.

Saturday night, Sunday night.

I know what you're saying, and I would normally feel the same way, but they were so easy that I was like, you guys should have stayed an extra couple days.

I was like a bag or so in.

I was like, you guys can go back anytime you want, man.

It's all good.

Yeah.

Awesome.

Tried to get her mom to take them.

She wouldn't take any, though.

Really?

Yeah.

Her mom was not into it.

Dad was?

No, dad doesn't either.

Mary Beth knows not to even ask him.

But yeah, mom wasn't into it either.

We're going to go out and visit them in Vegas come winter.

Yep.

Oh, my God.

This is like limping to the end of this episode.

No.

No?

No,

I mean, the first half hours, yeah, get them pals.

Look, we've been recording for like four hours, man.

We did the Halloween special.

That's true.

We did Halloween special.

We're doing great.

Yeah, I'm just, I'm looking at my notes and I'm like,

I do wonder, this was more of a question for you and Gidham.

Do you think Andy Griffith got a lot of Hollywood ass?

Yes.

Yeah?

Had to.

Do you think

his movie and TV persona were different than his?

I don't think he got celebrity.

You're talking about other actresses?

No, I believe if he got any tail, it was probably just from the,

you know, from fans.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

But I thought Bri's question was: Hollywood asked, like, like, were the other starlets in Hollywood that he was betting?

Oh, you don't think he got any of that either, huh?

It was a pretty popular TV show, man.

Yeah, it was, but he was a wholesome dude, though.

Yeah.

Was he wholesome?

Or, I mean, you hear about wholesome people, but behind the scenes, you know, not so much.

Really?

Who?

Hollywood celebrities?

That's all they do is fucking lie.

Okay, but who's somebody who's got a wholesome image and you found out it was not true?

Jim Gaffigan.

He's not Not true anything about it.

He's a wholesome guy.

He wants to be one guy the wall would be like, bullshit.

I thought you knew something.

No, I don't know anything off the top of my head.

No.

But I have to imagine that.

I don't have any examples.

You're like painting the wholesome community, which I'm a part of.

Right, I know.

I know.

Now I'm offending you.

That's why I wanted to end the episode.

I knew I'd say something wrong.

His target's locked on somebody else now.

Go for it.

Go for it.

Q, help me out here.

Who's somebody who had a wholesome image that you'll let?

Britney Spears, for for example.

She had a wholesome image.

She was dancing around in like...

No, but she was a virgin and all this other shit.

Remember?

Nobody believed it.

I don't think that's how they sold her records as like buy the virgin's records.

But that's how they sold her as being like a mousketeer because she was a

mousketeer at one point?

She was a mousketeer, and then they tried to continue it into her, like, she was naughty.

She was naughty, but she was still wholesome.

I don't know.

You can be both.

She was in a group called Innocence.

I don't know about that.

Yeah, I think that you're stretching.

This is like grasping that straw.

I know.

I'm sorry to have maligned the wholesome fucking Hollywood community.

Can't come up with anything off the top of my head.

All because you want to protect fucking Andy Griffith.

You're willing to overlook all the other shit.

We'll tell him, Steve Dave.