#570: Nose Too Long?

Tell me, just whisper it to me, I'll blow it for you.

Men are always suspicious of a catty woman.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

I look around the table, and what do I see?

I see Walt Flanagan.

Hello.

I see BQ.

Hello.

Walt, how are you doing today?

You seem a little bit out of it.

You've been drinking your water?

I see that you have.

I've been drinking my water.

You look good.

You look flushed and healthy.

I feel like your skin looks better.

Yeah, you look more.

I feel okay, like physically.

It hasn't been a great summer, though.

No.

I feel kind of like my brain feels like it's not inside my head at times.

It feels like it's floating around.

Yeah, I used to pay thousands of dollars a week for that feeling.

Pot would be a couple hundred a week for that.

Oh, man.

It's like you're

kind of depressed?

I don't know.

I don't know what it is.

Yeah, it could be that.

If I knew what that, you know, exactly what it was, I, you know.

Yeah, I don't know.

Well, you're more of a fall-winter guy, actually.

No gusto?

No gusto.

Technical step.

Yeah, no.

Dude, you just lost one of your best friends.

I mean, I don't know how you're supposed to feel good.

Yeah, it's less.

It's like two weeks later.

That's not a long time.

No, it's not a long time.

Two weeks after the benefit, I was still just crying all day.

I'm still crying.

If I stop talking about, start crying, dude.

And like, you don't like change to begin with.

You've been dealing with a lot of change lately, and then you lose your best friend.

Like, I don't know, man.

Like, I don't think I would expect anything different, dude.

Yeah, it's just tough because it's like I find myself

spending way too much time with socks, though.

Yeah, I don't even like you that much.

Where she's aggressive because I'm taking her everywhere.

She's dehydrated.

Running her around.

She was dehydrated.

Yeah,

she got tested at the vet recently or checkup.

And they said that she, like, you can try to get her to drink more water.

So it's like the whole family is

like a dress to water for some reason.

Is it like a desert over there?

What's going on at the fucking corner?

Because I'll just take her.

I'll just wake her up and just take her to the harbor and just walk around at like two o'clock in the morning and do it for hours.

And for no reason, you know, and but she wants to go.

She's excited, but it's not, it's not her normal routine, though.

Wow.

Nor yours.

Yeah.

No, no, it's not.

Yeah.

I think what you're feeling is completely natural.

Yeah.

Definitely.

And with, like I said, like the summer, it has been a beat summer.

You know, you came in with the,

you were sick, you had the congestion.

You had a disease.

This going on.

You had a month.

I had congestion in my lungs that after a while was concerning, but eventually it all dried out, and now there's nothing in my lungs.

But it took a long time.

I don't know if that's age, like you expect to rebound in a week, and now it's taking a month to rebound.

That could be

just because

everything's just slowing down.

Well, you don't have any sort of health or exercise regime at all, either, right?

No, no.

Although walking is actually really good for you.

Yeah, I walk a lot, though.

Yeah.

So there's something.

You're walking a lot, you're drinking lots of water, you'll bounce back, and you're going to be all right.

And I know the answer to this already, but like any

thought of a puppy or anything like that, like coming in?

It feels,

I don't know, it just doesn't feel like it's right yet.

Yeah, yeah, I understand.

I don't know why, but it would feel

like almost a betrayal.

Yeah.

Yeah, dude, we got,

you know, I took in that kitten from outside, Boris, and he's living in Benjamin's living area because I'm keeping him separated from the other cats.

And, like, it is weird because I fucking love that kitten so much.

But seeing him in Benjamin's bed, on Benjamin's chair, like, I do, I feel it.

And it's been almost a year.

Pretender.

Yeah.

And I suffer.

I don't want it to seem like I've moved past that, which is weird because nobody gives a fuck with me.

I mean, nobody, Benjamin doesn't care.

He's

on that rainbow bridge.

Like, nobody gives a shit but me.

But I have a defensiveness about it.

So, but

there is a lot of joy, though.

I mean, it's undeniable.

You know, I wish that there were like stray French bulldogs that could just be like pop up in your backyard.

Yeah.

It's not.

Because it takes the choice away.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

When they come into your life.

Maybe you guys complain when underneath my porch.

Yeah, we could do that.

And I could just say to Deb, I was like, oh my God, look what was underneath the porch.

Yeah.

What if a listener was like, I have a French Bulldog puppy?

Do you think that would serve the same purpose?

don't know.

Yeah, I think it's, you know, it's, it's, it's just a bit too soon.

Yeah, no, no, I completely agree and understand.

Yeah.

But I wish that there was a part of me that did wish that, like, I just walked outside and there was like a little stray dog or something, a puppy or something.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's for me, Q.

I feel like now is the perfect time.

Like, I have, I had two pictures of Benjamin and I wanted to send them to you, but I'm like, I don't want to send them out of nowhere because then he'll get upset about it.

Can you please send them?

I just just sent them right now since we're talking about it.

This Benjamin photo is going back and forth constantly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Cousin Helen, you know, babysat him a lot.

Right, right.

She's always fun.

Oh, my God.

I think Mary Beth has a short video, too, of him chewing on a little plant.

I'll get her to send it.

Oh, there he is.

Yeah, I get it.

So you're a little, you're

down, man.

Yeah.

And it's hard, like, it's hard to get back into the swing to like

schedule things, just do the things that, you know, you would, you just did for

you kind of had,

I don't want to say a fire to do, but, you know, you just, you know, you had, you were motivated.

I don't feel motivated.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's feeling, that's depression, man.

Yeah, that's feeling blue.

Yeah, I remember you were saying, you're like, I never felt depression before.

Now, like, yeah, that's what it feels like.

Not fun.

Yeah.

Shit.

All right.

So anyway,

now that we started off on that note, Q, last week, we,

real quick, Patreon, boostpatreon.com slash tellhamsteve.

Dave,

there's something going on with Patreon coming up.

Because last week,

Giddam and Frank went to the Chinese buffet.

Okay.

All right.

I don't think you were part of this conversation.

Now, Giddam

purposely did not invite Jimmy the Hair guy, saying that he has no place at the table because he can't eat as much as Giddam would like him to eat should they go to a buffet.

Like he brought Frank because he knows Frank can put it away.

Pound for pound.

Pound for pound, Frank's worth the money.

Jimmy the hair guy, not so much.

He couldn't barely eat any baby food.

He only had like a half a slider, a half a White Castle slider.

When we did the

one chip challenge to Ming.

Yeah, he lost the one chip challenge.

He has failed in every eating endeavor that we put in front of him.

Yeah, but and tell him Steve Dave Town, doesn't that just mean he's kind of

hearing?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I thought so, but apparently spotlight on him.

Apparently get him that, you know,

has different standards.

Do you just not like Jimmy the Hair guy?

Oh, no, I love Jimmy.

It's just I've gone to the buffet with people who don't eat a lot, and it pulls me.

What does that have to do with you?

I think it's a self-conscious thing.

It's like, I want to eat.

I'm gorging myself

better as well.

No,

this person now has nothing to do because it's a restaurant.

So why is that your problem?

Because then they're sitting there like staring at you.

They're talking to you and having conversation when you're shoving grabbing.

Well, Frank said that Giddam didn't say a word for the first five minutes.

He's like, he went and he got his body's plate.

He got his plate.

He got his plate.

He set it up.

He's got a whole routine.

He's like, it's like silence.

Mrs.

Five didn't come with you?

No, she apparently is allergic to fish.

Yeah, sure.

That's it.

Did you tell Frank, tell Mrs.

Five she she can go into the Goodwill store while we're eating?

She'd walk around the Goodwill store.

Well, because she doesn't.

By crap, we're eating.

The men are eating.

Because

she says she's allergic to fish.

So if the food might accidentally contain fish, which at this place,

they seem to be a little lax with food separation.

Yum.

Yeah.

Walt walked in for about 10 seconds, and you could tell he was holding his breath

here.

I had to get the office key to get into the office.

So I had to go where I knew he was at.

I had to go in for a second.

You would have thought I was trying to get into the fucking White House, thought the guy at the front counter.

Oh, yeah, yeah,

yeah.

And I was like, I'm not here to eat.

I said, I just need to get a key.

I go, I go, Did you see a guy in here, a big guy with a big long beard?

I don't think he spoke English, though.

He does.

He was just pretending.

Oh, yeah.

So then I have you seen a big guy at the buffet?

What happens at the buffet stays at the buffet, so it's confidential.

It sounded like, you know, like

fish

slamming against each other.

I guess those are are the terms of loose.

You guys are

tucked away in a corner trying to put them in business.

Frank looked like he had been through hell.

He looked like he had seen some, he'd been in the shit.

The nom.

That was by the time you got there, so they weren't even done yet, right?

No, they were very.

Yeah, Frank looked like he was physically

ill.

There were a few times he he sat back in the booth, and like you could tell he loosened a notch on his belt.

Like in between plates.

Like he was taking a breath.

He just ate too much.

Yeah, I think it took its toll.

Well, have you hung out with Jimmy the hair guy in different scenarios?

Or that was the first time you wanted to hang out and you were like, no, you don't eat.

Well, it's not that I didn't specifically invite him to that thing.

That was just going to be Frank and I.

But I've told him, like, I would post photos of my food in the group chat.

And Jimmy, like, oh, man, I want to fucking go there.

And I'm like, no, you can't eat I've seen I've seen your abilities so you have to prove yourself before you can you know have a seat at the table how's he gonna prove himself

there you go now that's the whole idea behind this conversation

is that these guys Walt and and and get him they they came up with a qualifier okay so they're gonna for Patreon there's going to be a recording of Jimmy eating as much as Gidem dictates so that he can earn his place at the table.

Yes.

I thought we could also turn it into like one of those shows where

we film it all and then

we bring the videos back, cut them up, and then people wager on

the

Olympics.

Okay, while the sun shines.

Right, right, yeah.

Not exactly man versus food, get them versus food.

Yeah.

That way, yeah, we could, like, because it's just weird to just show people eating darkness.

Right.

And disgusting.

You know, what was that?

I said, and disgusting.

But there is a dark side to the buffet Q.

This is something that I heard.

I don't know if it's true.

I think it probably is.

So ugly that it made me think a little bit less of Get him.

What the fuck's the matter with you that you do not tip at a buffet?

I just don't.

All they do is bring you water.

No.

Well, they clean up.

They clean your plates off.

No, no.

Emily Post, who I think probably knows more about manners than you do, says a minimum of 10% at a buffet.

Who squealed on you?

Probably Frank.

Definitely Frank.

It was definitely Frank.

I couldn't believe it.

I couldn't believe it when he said that i was like oh get him come on man did frank tip yeah because i

uh because we went

because we because we went for dinner i like to go for lunch because i don't eat anything that's on the dinner menu okay because it's usually like crab legs and stuff that i can't eat so i always like going for lunch so we had to go for dinner because of the time he was showing up so he he volunteered to pay the difference between the lunch price and the dinner price

so

you cheap fuck isn't this a guy who has zero expenses Pretty much.

He's richer than everybody, right?

No.

When I was in West LA, when I lived in LA, when I worked in Westwood, there was a girl who worked at the bank, and she told me some of the homeless people in the area.

She goes, you would not fucking believe how much money they have in their accounts.

Like, it dwarfs most people.

Yeah, it's nuts.

So are they just mentally ill and they just wouldn't spend it?

I think they just hoard it all, yeah.

Bury it, maybe.

Yeah, if you, I know you could afford to tip them.

It's not.

How much is the buffet?

$12.97, I believe, for the normal lunch buffet.

So you couldn't leave two bucks?

$3.

$2, $3, even $5 if you're feeling Christmas.

Usually I pay on my card, so I just, you know.

What does that mean?

I just draw a line on

that.

You know what you should do, dude, if you want to stop looking like so much of a scummy?

Instead of writing that line, write cash on it.

And then, so it looks like you at least bothered to tip.

Okay.

Who's he fooling, though, except for himself?

Oh, and then the manager.

And then the manager's like, well, I guess somebody's stealing tips because.

And Frank Denarc.

No, if you really want to.

Drop a dollar then, man.

Two.

There's no.

What you're doing is wrong.

I speak for all serviteurs out there, whether they work for buffets or not.

My wife used to, dude, I wanted to go to the restaurant and fucking strangle people because what happens is if you don't tip that waitress, she still has to pay out to the bartender.

She still has to pay out to the fucking busboys.

So what's happening is by serving your fucking cheap ass, she's losing money to go to work.

It's unreal.

You can't have that mentality.

I serve myself.

Right, but who cleans away your plates?

Somebody does.

I don't know.

It's usually gone by the time I'm going to go.

Oh, okay.

So it's just a random other customer, right?

It's not somebody who works there.

I don't give you that shit.

Yeah, well, that breach of

etiquette, you know, between two eaters, will you put that in

your Rolodex and be like, you know what, Frank's not getting an invite anymore since he squealed it.

that I don't tip.

I think Frank's like good.

I gave him $20 for the dinner to pay for my portion.

I said, if you want to put some of that towards the tip, you can.

Oh, okay.

Well, he did that.

Yeah, so I did tip.

Wait a second.

Wait a second.

That's not the way I heard it.

It's $12.99.

He actually gave Frank carte blanche with that.

It's $12.99 for dinner or for lunch?

It's $18 for dinner.

Okay, so $18 plus tax.

He gave him like a fucking quarter.

Frank said he would pay the difference between lunch price and dinner price.

So I paid.

Why are there so many caveats?

Like, me and you go out, me and you go out.

Like, there's none of this shit where there's like

subsidizing meals and shit.

These are the buffet rules.

These are the buffet rules.

They don't apply to any other place.

They apply to the buffet.

What rules supersede each other?

The get them rules or the buffet rules?

The getem rules are the buffet rules.

Giddem rule is the golden rule, practically.

Because you can't go into the buffet and be like, you know what, I'm not going to eat any of the dinner price, any of the dinner offerings, so I just want to pay the lunch buffet price.

Well, then you then fuck you.

Then

you have to be seated before 3 o'clock and get out before 3.30 to not get a dinner offer.

You've already reached all those things.

So

I would normally not go.

And that's why Frank made the offer to pay the difference.

So the ginter rules supersede the buffet rules?

I guess so.

Just so we know.

I wasn't paying it.

I was paying for my portion.

Wow, man.

I heard that.

I was just like,

it annoyed me.

It annoyed me that you couldn't throw down a buck or two.

A buck or two.

It's nothing.

This was more than a buck, so.

Right, this time around.

What about every other time?

Okay, okay.

So when you go to your dad, your dad also doesn't tip?

His eyes go darting back and forth telling me that.

He usually pays

anywhere be you.

What's that?

Look at the drop ceiling?

He usually

like the buffet is the only place that I really go out and eat by myself.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So he usually usually pays when we go to the buffet, when we go out for breakfast or whatever.

So he handles the tip.

All right.

So I'm sure.

He probably does the right thing.

His dad's a good guy.

Yeah.

So why don't you fuck?

You follow your dad's example every other way.

Why not this way?

I don't see what he tips.

So it's just it's I guarantee it's fucking at least $2.

He doesn't want to face reality that he's being a cheap fucking cunt.

Okay.

You don't care, do you?

Will you drop two bucks the next time you go?

Yes.

All right.

Yes.

Next time you go, tell me.

I'll give you the two bucks for you to drop.

Okay.

All right.

Yeah.

Hold me to it.

Now, you mentioned Patreon.

Can I just mention one thing to a certain, to two tiers in the Patreon, the $60 and $100 tier?

There was a poll on July 27th, a t-shirt poll, and there's like 70 people who haven't voted for what t-shirt they want.

If I can please ask you to go scroll through the post.

I know it's a pain in the butt, but...

Go to the July 27 Merch Alert post and you have to put in your size of t-shirt you want.

If you don't, I'm not going to be ordering a ton of extra shirts, so you might have to get a sticker or something if you don't put in your shirt size.

So,

sticker versus shirt.

$160 to your people, go vote for what shirt you'd like, what size.

I thought last week also,

with Mary Beth's parents here, Walt was very careful about his language.

And it wasn't until I got home that I'm like, they're only like five years older than us.

It's not like we're being overly offensive to our

to our elders.

Yeah, it's just the way I would have to do it with anybody's parents.

Yeah, or kids.

When Sunday Jeff's kid was here the other day, you were very.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's even weird.

I had no idea she sat down behind me.

I'm going on and on talking to Blue Streak.

I can't remember who it was.

They were pointing behind me.

I was like, oh, hey.

I was like, hey, Chloe,

because I could just see her eyes wide just a little.

I know what it's like to have a forlorn heart.

Oh.

No, I don't think I ever did before.

I went to this Blue October concert on Saturday night with

the family.

And

I got a text from Joe DeRosa.

Oh, yeah.

Where are you?

You're supposed to be here.

I was supposed, because he had a show at Avanel.

in Avanel, New Jersey.

Okay.

And I told him, I was like, that's the show I'm going to, which I fully intended to.

And I never thought he'd remember.

But he remembered

he remembered

that mind yeah he was like where are you and we were going back and forth and we both decided we hate blue october for keeping us apart

oh de rose man yeah he's the best um i told walt too that this is i've seen i've now seen blue october more than any other band that i actually am like a big fan of this is the fourth time Three out of the four times the singer, this guy Justin, has

pointed at me from the stage and done this, like he's stroking a beard and giving me the thumbs up.

He likes your beard.

Three out of four times, though.

Is that not...

And the only other, and I told Walt, the only other time we were at PNC Art Center and we were in the 200s, so it's not like he could have even seen me.

Sure.

What's going on?

He likes your beard.

What do you mean?

That's it?

I've heard.

Does he recognize me, though?

Is that like a sign?

I've heard stories, though, that

they will point to people in the audience that they want security to bring backstage

to do tawdry things to.

Now, throw cold cuts at your ass.

Maybe that, maybe that because, like, I'm standing.

What'd you say?

Throw cold cuts at you.

I'm like, go ahead, boys.

I'd only be at DeRosa.

So, do you think that's how he specifies?

He's like, not the blonde next to him.

The beard guy.

The beard guy.

I want to throw bologna on his ass.

Yeah.

I'm a rock star.

I'm trying to marry Beth to be okay with that, right?

Since it's blowed over.

No,

no, I don't think.

No, anything involving me and another dude, I think she would not be all right with.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, she's uptight, huh?

I don't know about uptight as much as I don't want to see my man being

subjugated by a bunch of other men, yeah, like being humiliated with cold cuts.

She does know it's 2023, right?

She does know, but I mean, she's old school, I guess.

She's 29, but really she's more 59, I'd say.

Wow.

So does Blue October know that you go to the shows?

Like,

have you ever reached out?

We reached out to do a podcast.

She reached out to do a podcast with them, not this past time, the time before, and it looked like they were going to do it, but then they were late, like they got in late or something, so they couldn't do it.

This time around, Rupert said that he was trying to get a hold of them, but he couldn't.

And then I pumped the brakes on it anyway.

Well, slammed the brakes on it because we went to a Ren Fest.

Me, Walt, and Frank went to a Renfest that weekend, so there was no, there was no time.

It was like Ren Fest Saturday afternoon, Blue October concert Saturday night, Wren Fest podcast the next day, and then TV guys on TV Guide.

If you're not on Patreon, it's almost like you got a real job.

He's working me to the bone, this guy.

Yeah.

Drink some water.

Yeah.

I've got a lot of work coming out.

What's up?

You're peeking a little.

Oh, am I?

Okay, let me turn it down a little bit.

Maybe we'll get some IVs in here that we could just

hook ourselves up.

We're working ourselves to the fucking bone.

Yeah, we'd be fascinated without fucking TV listings from 1978.

It's so fucking fun, though.

It's such a fun show.

It's like that, and

excuse me, Tales from Behind the Fake Counter, the comic bookmen show.

Yeah.

Easily my favorite shows to do.

Yeah, the TV guide was a great, great idea that Walt had.

It just allows you to sit there and reminisce.

Memberberry shit, you know?

Yeah,

it's fun.

Walt's become fascinated with this.

He found out that you can do, there's mobile IV services that will drive around and just give you IVs.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I am fascinated by this because he paid to go to the hospital for it.

Because I'm not sure that you should trust

the person calling that

that's what's wrong.

Oh, that you're not

like, I'm dehydrated.

We'll come by and give you an IV.

Maybe it's something more than that, and

you just don't go to a doctor and you just call the IV, the people, the traveling IV van.

well I think the main people who use it are it's for hangovers that's all I've ever heard it for like if you have a hangover

you call this place they come they they juice you up so if you don't have a hangover they won't think oh yeah I'm sure they'll do whatever the fuck they don't care they'll just come putting a needle in your arm and filling you up but I think the only time I've heard people use it is for hangovers I couldn't believe how expensive it was too yeah but that well that includes the driving out so you don't have to tip them how much

it even it even said it on the website

it even said it on the website you don't have to or or don't.

It says it includes travel and gratuity.

Okay.

It's like $375.

Holy shit.

To certain concoctions or something.

Yeah, it has like B12 and a bunch of other stuff in it.

Wow.

Now, get them.

Can you get IV bags and stuff?

Like, can you buy them off Amazon or off the internet?

You can.

Because I give

you a friend.

I gave them three times a week.

Now Chesse's getting it twice a week.

Okay.

So if you could come up with a concoction, you could do it yourself.

Like if you had a qualified nurse.

With the fluid already in it?

Oh, I doubt.

I think the, yeah, they come filled with fluids.

Come fill the fluid?

Oh, saline.

Okay.

Yeah, but stuff like

that.

Yeah, right.

Wait a minute.

You could taste it when it goes into your veins?

No, no.

No, but you're saying...

It's got like B12 and stuff like that.

That's the flavoring.

Yeah, but you said you used the word taste it.

So it's not like it's flavored or anything.

Yeah, it's just the plain saline without the vitamin.

No, no taste.

Yeah, I think it was like making a joke.

Right?

Maybe I just chose the wrong one.

But he did say flavor.

Yeah, because I was like, wow, okay, that's wild.

He's sampling Benjamin's fucking IV bag.

Snorting up the liquid.

Would you let it get him to administer an IV in you?

No, I wouldn't.

No.

But

he's giving himself needles, though.

He can keep doing that.

That's no problem.

Keep needling himself.

Well, you drain your needles.

You drain yourself.

I drain things, yes.

Yeah.

I wouldn't trust the hygiene of it.

I wouldn't.

Yeah, like, where's that needle been before?

Unless you see the needle come out of the plastic.

Even then.

Everything I use is sealed because we use it for fire.

You know, we heat zones or anything out.

It's stuff we used for the horses that was out in the in a container.

There you go.

Now you're getting horse IV.

It's the same monogec needles.

Yep.

I got you, but I got you.

So you can't blame me for not.

No, no,

I understand.

It's a leap on.

When I first moved into the house,

I got a lot of pickle buckets from our deli department because I was using them for TV stands and stuff until I could get stuff.

Smelly fucking wants the pickle buckets.

Pickle brine.

When they're sealed, they don't smell.

And it was like a step stool, stuff like that.

And I made a cheesecake once, and the lady in the deli was like, no, no, I don't want to eat any.

And later on, she revealed, she's like, with the amount of pickle buckets you were taking from here, I was worried.

Like where the stuff from the cheesecake was stored.

Jesus Christ, you know, you have a reputation.

Do you still have the pickle buckets?

They melted.

Oh, okay.

Yeah,

another tragedy for

the great pickle buckle melting.

Well, like some of them, like, I mounted towels on top, so like, you could use them as chairs if you wanted to.

Sure,

just get a chair.

Yeah.

Well, like, some, no, just get a step.

Who's coming over?

Who's coming over?

And it's like, that's good enough for me.

No, no, no.

But, like, sometimes you're working on the mower and you want to sit down to work on the mower, so you just sit on the pickle bucket because it's like the right height.

That you don't want to drag a chair out in the garage or something.

Yeah,

so how many pickle buckets do you need for that?

Uh, I had like

six to eight, six to eight.

Otherwise, you wouldn't let him

get him, no, no, I wouldn't.

I don't know if my mother was a nurse, I don't think I would let my mother do it.

I really, I'm surprised because he's getting old.

I, I, I, you're pretty good, you know, as much as ribbing as I give you,

I find that more often than not, you're right about almost everything.

Yeah, even I'm gonna say, I don't think I could find a vade if need be.

Yeah.

I think you're a little, I think you could in the moment.

I think if Giddam had a little practice, like if you like, you know, if they practice tattooing on pig skin, like if you practice on a pig or something.

Like my father, my father, I guarantee you could probably find a vein because he does it on horses all the time.

So how does he find it?

What you do is you put a little pressure on it and then it causes the blood to back up a little.

Start strangling the horse?

Gedam has his pantomiming strangling a horse.

No, no, no.

You put like a like on the on the vein or the artery.

You put your thumb on it so it backs up the blood flow a little.

Okay.

And then it kind of stands out.

Wow.

So.

Jesus.

I watched him.

He's just as good as the Bets are.

I'll tell you, I gave you the biggest compliment.

I almost forgot that they even said it, but I do want to mention it, that the Franks said they wish they could borrow you for like a week or two.

They can.

Just so they could get things done back at their place.

Oh, is that what they did?

Because I asked them a month ago to help me hang shit up, and I've still yet to see him show his face.

Well, that was good.

I got a hurt neck.

I got a hurt finger.

I got to hurt this.

I hurt that.

Never came over.

And I don't ask twice.

Well, the Franks didn't ask him.

They told me this.

They're like, they wish they had

a guy.

They had a boy Friday.

Gotcha.

Well, you could.

And their lives,

they could just walk down the cellar and be like, you know, what do you think about this?

He would come up, offer his.

Oh, okay.

So

he's a live-in boy Friday who lives in their basement.

And to be fair,

he practically lives in the office.

You're right.

They did cut my finger open that when you asked.

Who did?

The minute clinic people.

Oh, the clinic.

Oh, you actually went to a clinic?

They cut it open?

What was wrong with it?

Infection in the joint.

Oh, God.

It's like you live in your own third world country.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

It's like a general store.

It's real

classified now as a third world country.

Recognized.

UN yesterday.

UNESCO.

Doctors Without Borders made a house call for them.

They hair some rice to me.

Quite.

Jesus Christ.

We want fair elections.

And we want to bring democracy to the TSD Town General Store.

No more unwanted circumcisions.

He's not a legitimate leader.

Cut off Giddam's clitors.

I made a discovery.

I found something that I brought today.

Really?

That I believe is going to greatly help out any 13%ers out there.

Really?

Yes.

I was in Pennsylvania visiting my parents.

Went to a place very similar to where we discovered the Prussian Kissing Devil skull.

And I found this book.

And it's by a guy named John Robert Powers.

And it says How to Have Model Beauty, Poise, and Personality.

Okay.

And it's from the 1960s.

So you know know, it's not filled with any modern ideas or anything like that.

It has such topics like

how to develop your inner glow.

Oh.

Tips on training your eyes to sparkle.

That's page nine.

Beauty in the business world.

Teen years, the age of preparation.

When you're prepping for what?

Well, the big topic is secrets of a $20,000 a year teenage models.

Oh.

I mean, this is it, guys.

Like, I was going through this, and it just tells you how to be how to be a model?

Yeah.

For instance just opening to any page here.

Here's some advice.

Don't be a fault finder to these ladies.

Oh boy.

That's that's that

could possibly be a timeless advice.

Well, can I read this paragraph there?

Yeah.

I've never laid eyes on this before.

So, you know, don't be a fault finder.

All right.

Another form of criticism, which is detrimental to your charm, is that of finding fault with everything around you.

The food in a restaurant, the movie, the television show, the style of decorating in a friend's house, the bus service,

even the weather.

This kind of negative thinking makes you a person others soon learn to avoid.

Your comments rarely change the situation.

You'll be a much more attractive person if you learn to ignore the faults and concentrate on the good points.

Moreover, men are always suspicious of a catty woman.

When a woman tears down other people to someone, they inevitably wonder what she says about them.

Is there any other kind?

That's some solid advice.

This is a fucking.

That's step-for-wife advice is what that is, man.

A hardcover.

You can't have an opinion that's negative.

I think that negativity begets negativity, though.

If you're constantly bitching and moaning about everything,

then you just...

Everybody becomes immune or just like just wants to tune you out.

Yeah, enough of this guy.

Enough of this, Cal.

You said guy.

I know everybody's talking about me.

Fuck it all.

I thought they were talking about Walt.

We should hear the shit I say about you on the way home.

Oh, here's some advice for you, Walt.

Okay.

Get on the water wagon.

Oh, good.

Beat a steady path to your water faucet.

Water contains no calories and cannot be fattening.

Well, I mean, it's...

It's accurate.

It is true.

Where was that book two weeks ago?

Yeah, really.

In Pennsylvania.

Yeah, I know.

I wish I had had it.

They have a model weight chart, illustrations, how to sit.

The S-curve.

She never sits like the S-curve.

Dude, you might be...

I was going to put this in the

library.

Yeah.

Get him is going to do the library card and everything.

Since Nicole Ritchie, all the gals want to sit with their

showing off the curves.

Oh, back in the day when they were getting out of limos and shit.

Yeah, Nicole Ritchie and Paris killed them.

I've got to get on the S-curve.

Gone the way of the dinosaur.

Yeah.

Meanwhile, I love the fucking S-curve.

Is that not a new way to sit in the office?

Get them when customers come in.

You have to be sitting in the S curve.

Oh,

chapter 11: How to Be a Lady.

Your manners are vital.

Manners?

Holy shit, I think I just saw something underlined in this book.

Oh, fuck underlined what?

I got it.

I wonder how many copies were sold and how many New York Times bestsellers.

Girls took it to heart, like at the time, you know.

And you like

you would disagree with this, with what was said so far?

Uh, no, I wouldn't disagree with it.

I mean, because it is, it's a fact.

Like, water doesn't have calories.

That doesn't mean that, like,

you should only drink water.

Like, I think they're really leaning toward, like, they're leaning into stuff that is not very popular today, right?

But the fault finding, you're right.

Like, if you go around, especially if you're like a hot chick that's supposed to be a model,

you are then considered extra bitchy and entitled.

If you're going around just bragging about shit non-stop.

Oh, there's some pictures of beautiful women in there.

How to do makeup.

I mean, it's everything here.

It's a long, but how to have skilled conversations, how to increase your sophistication.

Read a good newspaper regularly.

Mary Beth actually just got a text yesterday.

The woman who shot our wedding photographs.

Oh, the one everybody loved?

Yeah, Jillian wants her to come down and do a boudoir set dressed as Morticia

for Halloween.

So she's going to go on down the Baltimore and do that, and then we'll post up some pictures.

Are you going to be her Gomez?

I'm not.

I was not invited.

I was not even mentioned, I don't think.

I wouldn't make a good Gomez anyway.

He's very

sharp-dressed, sharp-looking guy.

Tight mustache.

Yeah.

Or maybe a combination of the Munsters and Adam's family.

Or maybe Cousin It.

Hugsley.

Do you guys think anybody wants to know any tips for lovely lips?

I would like to hear.

Is Crisco on it?

There's only eight.

Oh, okay.

One.

No pouts and no peaks.

The curves of your mouth should be gently rounded.

So no duck face.

Nope.

Watch out for an overextended top curve.

It will give your mouth a sneer.

Oh, like Elvis.

Oh, here we go.

Keep the corners drawn slightly upward.

Avoid an aging corner droop.

Can you imagine trying to remember all this shit all the time?

A stiff upper lip applies to your thoughts, not your lip line.

Oh, I like that.

A too straight line is aging and stern-looking.

I mean, this is a lot.

Strive for a balance between the shaping of the upper and lower lips.

I mean, guys, this is it.

This is like,

this tells you everything you need to know, I think.

I think I would like to be the first one to borrow that from the library, bring it home to Mary Beth.

Oh, you're leaving a game.

How tall are you?

What's this book that was on my side of the bed?

Yeah, I just keep putting it over there.

With post-it notes.

Oh, this is.

Yeah, it looks like Walt Steve died over there.

On your model weight, on how to achieve the weight.

They're not pulling back punches here either.

It's a serious subject.

You got to get serious.

You know, tough on it.

It's wild.

But when I started, I just knew that this would be able to help the 13%ers.

Especially aspiring models.

It could help them all.

Oh, yeah.

But if you're an aspiring model, it's especially going to help you with your lip, how to hold your lip at all times.

Look, if you got a bulbous nose, here's how you do your hair.

If you've a long nose, nose too long, nose too long question mark.

Yeah, I just, I really, I just thought it was.

I thought you mentioned it.

Yeah, it's, it's, I, I, I couldn't believe when I saw it.

Uh, I think it cost me about 50 cents.

50 cents?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's well worth it.

Your voice is a talking picture of you.

How to achieve charm in voice and conversation.

I mean, do they have like vocal exercises?

Yeah, improving your speech.

The exercise will limber up the muscles, mouth, with your lips.

Get them?

Oh.

Really moving.

Repeat.

Mio, Mio, Mio, Fi, Fi, Fo, Fum.

Meo, Foo, Foo, Foo Mio, Mio, Mio, Fi, Foo, Fee Fi, Fo, Fum.

Look at you guys.

You already got it.

The models.

Meo, good.

Yeah.

So, you know, I just figured, you know, there'd be a lot of helpful hints in here.

Is there any tips for the toothless lady out there?

I don't think I considered

model material.

I mean, I haven't gone through the whole book.

Yeah, I don't.

They'll be in the index.

Yeah, there's vital rules for selecting your material.

Please say break down and fucking finally just use the money Q gave you to fix the D.

It's probably the only instructions that are probably in the book.

Yeah, this is great.

This is just wonderful.

All right, so 13% is the first lucky one to take it out.

Yeah, you just.

You're well on your way to becoming a model.

How to have model beauty, poise, and personality.

They're very careful.

They're not like how to be a model.

Right.

You can just have the model beauty, poise, and personality.

Do you have any of that stuff left over we can put on the cover to preserve it?

The oh, that plastic stuff?

Yeah.

Oh, that book cover.

The stuff you use on your

stuff you use on your Masterworks.

Oh, it's even inscribed.

Yeah, to Doreen, someone who hardly needs this book from Marjorie.

If she doesn't need the book, why are you giving her the book?

Right.

You're just being careful.

Yeah.

Wink.

Wink YA.

Yeah.

Doreen, I wish I knew what you looked like.

And what she looked like after.

This is the 10th printing.

Wow.

Jesus Christ.

It says on the jacket, this may be the most important book you ever have to read.

Forget the Bible.

Yeah, ladies.

Ladies, ladies.

And written by?

John Robert Powell.

A dude.

A dude.

Here's a man who has devoted his life to the creation of beautiful women.

From the first day, nearly 40 years ago, when he realized that true feminine beauty was natural beauty.

Oh, this is great.

And this was printed in Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey.

So it's a hometown book.

How would that book be received today?

If, say, we're updated.

Yeah.

It's updated.

Still written by a guy, though.

I think we all know how that book would be received.

So I'm not going to write a follow-up.

If you're a woman interested in how to catch the male gaze, what better source than the male gaze?

And you're going to put that up in the

library.

library.

In the library.

So we are going.

So after this episode drops, there's going to be a frantic stampede

for that first person to get here and try to check it out.

A line of ladies.

Get him.

Maybe what you could do is go through the book and just find important passages and photocopy a pamphlet

of the most important tips.

So when ladies do come up, that's a good idea.

Yeah, and the book's out.

Like the cue notes.

Instead of clip notes.

Okay.

Yeah, don't put me on that.

He found the book, that's all.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Eliminate liquids with your meals.

Yeah.

Makes you bloated.

Liquids.

Liquids.

Like, basically, this guy is like, I like skinny broads.

Everybody be skinny.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But, I mean, I got to say, I think he's basically, no, I think he's saying the model industry likes skinny broads.

Right.

Okay.

Yeah.

That's probably more accurate.

How to curl your hair, how to dye your hair.

I mean, this is amazing.

I mean, look at it.

She's showing how to do makeup.

That chick, you know, she looks a little rough in the beginning.

By the time she's done with the makeup,

she's looking pretty good.

Yeah.

She is looking good.

Yeah, she looks a little like witchy in that first picture.

Yeah, she does, right?

Mm-hmm.

Caddy, maybe.

That's exactly it.

She goes from the wicked witch to dye.

That's exactly it.

Yeah.

So this will be in the library, ladies, for anybody that needs a little help

recapturing that feminine mystique.

I'm worried it might not ever come back once it's taken out, though.

We'll have the...

Is there a penalty get them?

Is there anything that we can do to track down it?

We'll keep their driver's license when they take it out.

We get their four color demon number.

Wow.

Oh, we have four color demons.

We're expanding.

Oh, yeah.

To the to the waterways, Walter.

Are you going on jet skis?

We've decided Brian and I are going to buy jet skis.

Oh, yeah, that's true.

Are you going to own your own jet skis?

We're going to buy our own jet skis.

We're going to use them around the New Jersey Staten Island area.

Yeah, we figured out we can, if I leave Jersey and he leaves Staten Island, we can meet somewhere.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

We're pretty far out there.

Yeah, we're in the channel.

We're out there with the big boy shot.

Isn't that a good idea?

Well, he could

be awesome.

Are you a strong swimmer?

Me?

Yeah.

Dude, I was a lifeguard for how long?

Yeah, I know.

That was fucking

1987.

As long as my sciatic isn't kicking in, my shoulder doesn't hurt.

I'm fine.

You didn't have that beard.

That beard, when it gets wet and CD,

it's going to

sink right to the bottom of the yosh.

It's right down the Davy Jones locker.

It's like a fucking chain around your

last time we went to Key West.

You saw me on jet skis.

I was master.

Right, man.

What happens if you just something happens?

You're not paying attention.

You hit something, and some of you get disembarked.

Is that what it's called?

Disemboweled?

No, not disemboweled.

Oh, like I fall off.

Fall off?

Yeah.

Doesn't it circle you?

It circles you, right?

Well, no,

you have that clip that you're stopping.

Oh, that clip that stops it.

Yeah,

okay.

But you get separated from your jet ski, though.

Or it doesn't doesn't work.

Right.

Well, I'll be there to back them up, bro.

We'll get those cell phone things that like the waterproof cell phone.

Plastic pouches.

Plastic pouches.

Yeah.

We're good, man.

We're good.

I want to get like a, because I always wanted to paint my motorcycle up with the four-colored demon, but like, the motorcycle, my motorcycle has such a lovely hand-painted

that I don't want to ruin it.

But I figure the jet ski

before it even touches the water, I get it right into a custom shot.

Get the four-colored demons logo on the front.

That's pretty fucking, that's a a good idea.

I thought you guys were going to get the, I don't know if you've ever seen this, like a two-jet ski boat where the jet skis power the boat and then you could hop on them and then take off with it.

Oh, wow.

So it's like the Batmobile.

That sounds pretty cool.

Yeah.

But yeah, so we're going to.

Oh, where do you store the jet skis when they're not in use?

Or actually, where will they live 99% of the time?

Well, that's a great question.

That is the question.

I think in the winter you could pay to have it stored.

Oh, really?

So it's not like you just can't throw it in your garage.

You can.

I just feel like that's like the mark of like, I don't know.

Like a Jetsky just sitting there.

Sick and worrying.

I don't know.

All winter out there with a cover on it.

I don't know.

You can get the wrap.

The wraps are pretty good.

I don't have the property for it.

Like wherever I store it is going to be outside the window of every

how big.

How big are we talking that?

Because they're not that big.

I thought you could just throw it, like put it up on some blocks, put it in your garage.

But I don't have anywhere to...

That's what I'm saying.

Because my property is so hilly,

I can't just take it somewhere and drop it.

If my land was flat, I could put it in the back, but I don't, so it has to be in the driveway.

So you're gonna have to pay like a foot to store it in a garage somewhere?

Yeah, somewhere.

Close to the water.

Well, maybe even at the marina.

I mean, all these things are going to be worked out.

Yeah.

Don't worry.

Yeah, don't worry about it.

Walt.

We're going to buy it first.

Don't worry about that.

That's where you're going to not only buy a brand new jet ski with custom four-color demon logos all over it, and then you're going to go pay to store it somewhere

for 364 days a year.

You could put it in the back where that golf car was.

Yeah, I could put it in the golf cart.

That's a good idea, yeah.

Or I have a double garage too, so I could put it in one side.

And if I fucking eventually get it cleared out, I could put it in the one side, put motorcycle and jet ski on one side, my car on the other.

Marybeth can walk in when it's raining from the outside.

Yeah, so we're, you know, I'm super excited about that.

You know, it's been a while since.

Maybe you guys should go shopping now while the, you know, because it's not.

Yeah, so we talked about like winter because it gets a little bit colder.

It's a big deal.

Yeah, you're right.

there might even be somebody listening who is a jet ski salesperson oh i didn't think of that sweet jet ski maybe shipped you're always thinking waltz you're always thinking from a meo or a dealer or somebody who works for a jet ski company yeah because we have a dealer next to us but i prefer not to buy from them i don't really care for their dealership too much it was a motorcycle slash yeah oh so okay so motorcycle companies are

They are the ones who are most known for making no, no, but usually they don't the the same companies, but these power sports places.

Like Sea Doo is the big one, I think.

Yeah.

But I think Kawasaki makes them.

Kawasaki makes them.

Yamaha makes them.

Yeah.

Do you want one that's fast?

Yeah.

I mean, you know,

ripping around.

I'm fast, you know, like 40 miles per hour on the water or something like that.

So if you had one that was like its max was 20, you wouldn't be, that wouldn't be good enough.

I mean, it would take me all day to meet you.

You need to let it rip at all times?

Not all times, but you want it there if you need it.

You know what I like about the Jetski idea, too, is it's like a motorcycle on water, except there's so much more area in the water.

Like riding a motorcycle around here now, when Mary Beth and I were coming back from the concert, I showed her where you got stuck.

She was like, oh my god.

It's terrifying.

Yeah, it's under.

I should have taken a picture, but I can't stop.

You can't stop.

Stop is death.

So for you guys to meet, okay, then you meet.

Yeah.

And then what?

And we just pal around.

Right around, man.

Ride around.

Yeah, we could like maybe go over to Sandy Hook's Skull Island, you know, over Sandy Hook.

yeah

right q hee he's no shirt

oh yeah so you tell mary beth you're buying this custom she knows yeah painted um yeah well i didn't say anything about the custom paint

usually run

uh that's a great i think jet skis are relative between like seven and seven to twelve somewhere as well yeah yeah that is more than i thought i thought you were going to say like a thousand to twelve hundred no i mean you might be able to get a used one or something like that but you know me waltz i got to get the top of the line.

Whatever the Mercedes-Benz of Jet Skis is, I'm going to need it.

Says a guy who doesn't drive a Mercedes.

Yeah.

I mean, I was in, me and my brothers took a trip to the Florida Keys recently, and we rented Jet Skis, and we were just driving around.

I was like, this is so much fun.

Yeah.

It doesn't feel as dangerous as a motorcycle.

No, no, definitely not.

Because you're really not worried about.

That many other people just like on cell phones or

playing with the radio and just suddenly coming into your lane.

It's like, I mean, around here, it's like, it's dangerous.

It's dangerous to run.

I don't know.

If we find some, I hope.

Hypodermic sewage.

We can make our own map like San Francisco did.

We're like, here's a raw sewage spot.

Don't come near here.

I don't know.

Is there a lot of raw sewage out in the bay?

I wouldn't think so.

No.

No.

Sometimes they close down the water because of high fecal maps of the fecal map.

You can just check the fecal map that day.

Just blow right through it, right?

Yeah, it's all the thing.

You know how fast we're going to be going.

So you get worried about spitting your mouth when you get that.

Nice brown mist to drive through.

Would you go for a ride, Walt?

That's the same.

I've been on jet skis.

I've been on jet skis.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Remember me, you, Malcolm, Kev.

Oh, that's right.

When we were in Florida.

That's right.

So I was fucking leaving you guys in the dust.

You had the Mercedes.

Yeah, I had the faster of the jet skis.

I was trying to spray you guys.

That's right.

I totally forgot about it.

I checked the map.

In the Disney lagoon.

There's a big fecal spike.

No, the lagoon has that, how is it, the brain-eating bacteria amoeba.

In Disney?

Yeah, they had to shut down

one of their parks

for that.

Really?

Someone's brain got eaten?

Yeah, a child.

What year is this?

I don't remember.

I thought that was

an alligator at a kid.

Yeah, I remember an alligator.

An alligator at a kid, but they they had to shut down one of the rides because the water goes up your nose and

the amoeba crosses right into your brain and there's no cure for it.

They don't chlorinate that water so much.

No, it's like a lagoon.

It's an actual

lagoon lagoon, yeah.

All right, so we'll get dental dams.

All right.

Dental dams and goggles.

We're fine.

There's no other

creature that you can insert into your brain to like

fight the amoeba.

To fight the amoeba, like another amoeba.

Like some bees or something.

Speaking of bees, did you hear about the guy that was killed by bees yesterday?

No,

it was some 50-year-old guy.

He was moving some potting soil, a bag of potting soil.

And this is terrible.

He picked up the bag of potting soil and didn't know there was like thousands of bees in the bag.

Oh, my God.

They just swarmed him and stung him, and he died.

Holy shit.

That's rarity, man.

And his family was trying to administer CPR amongst all the bees.

So they're all getting stung, too.

It's just a nightmare.

That's just a nightmare.

You're trying to to save them and there's still bees stinging you while you're doing it.

It's rough, dude.

Yeah, that's, I can't think of

there's a lot of horrible ways to die, but being swarmed by bees.

Sounds one of the least pleasant things.

Yeah, yeah.

Has that ever happened to anybody here?

Swarmed by bees?

War hornets.

No.

I'm guessing nothing.

I'm starting to think.

Yeah,

somebody has a story.

No, it happened to me.

Because I know someone who has.

No, it happened to me once when we were trying to bring the horses in because a hurricane was coming.

And we were bringing the, it was mare and a baby in, and the

mare swung wide and hit the door to the barn.

And we didn't notice there was a hornet's nest right above it.

And because we hadn't used that door for like a couple months, and they just all swarmed out and started attacking us and the horses.

It was pretty bad.

So, what is the game plan when something like that happened?

Run.

That's it?

Yeah.

Run?

Yeah, we ran.

What about the horses?

We let them loose.

You're just kicking it.

Because, you know,

you're trying to swat them away, so it's tough to hold the halter and that.

And then

the horses were getting stung as well.

So they had these huge welts on them.

Oh, yeah.

You grew lucky.

Yeah.

You got a massive headache afterwards.

But, yeah.

You got stung in the head?

Yeah, like around the head area.

So.

Swelling still hasn't gone down.

Damn.

Is that volume in your nose is always?

No, that's the rosacea.

Oh, okay.

Oh, you got rosacea?

I thought that was like an old lady thing.

No.

No?

It's anybody thing?

What do you do?

Can you do anything for it?

I think there's creams and stuff, but I just.

They probably don't work.

Do you think

the massive amount of hornet venom in your head could have

logged something, like jog something and made your brain even smarter?

Were you as just as smart then as you are?

I don't think.

Maybe B venom, but not Hornet Venom.

I'd be smarter by Hornet Venom.

I don't believe so now.

No?

There's Ginkgo Boloba, then there's Hornet Venom.

Directly injected into your brain.

Speaking of murder, Hornet.

Isn't that like bee venom?

Don't they use it to like?

Isn't it like a very healthy thing that went like when administered?

I know some people do it.

Yeah.

I know some people do it, but.

What?

Yeah.

That sounds like snake oil type shit.

How the hell is that?

They'll either collect the venom or they'll put the bee in a jar like over the thing.

It's a third world country.

That's a quack doctor.

Bee stings and leeches and leaves.

That's how you are.

Remember my point.

Bloodletting.

He caught a bee in a jar, and he just said, you know, and I just sat downstairs and he put it over it, and he let the bee sting on my Maramai poison ivy.

And you know what?

Itching went away.

It hurt like hell.

It was more painful than itchy after that.

Forgot all about the poison ivy.

Speaking of murder hornets, once again, I'm going to reference Jerry Corita's Cicada Samurai Kickstarter.

If you want to go there, did he pay?

He didn't pay, but I was talking to him.

I don't think he's going to pay.

I'm all for this.

You should be.

You didn't tell me last week.

You're doing a cover.

I did it already.

But you didn't tell me.

Yeah, I told you, I'm out of sorts, man.

It's like I don't have any giddy up.

I have no

in my lungs to blow a trumpet, even for nothing.

Not for myself.

Tell me.

Just whisper it to me.

I'll blow it for you.

There's your clip.

I know.

I got a clip for you.

Yeah, I did the cover, you know.

And

yeah, which I'm, I'm, but I'm really like, I'm impressed, not impressed, I don't know what it is, but that you're this uh on it.

I love Corita.

I love Corita.

He's a great guy.

He's a good guy, but I didn't know you knew him that well.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I didn't know if you saw him on the street, you'd even recognize him.

Oh, no, no, we stayed in contact.

We played poker together, all kinds of stuff.

Okay, me and Karita, man.

Fucking cool.

You guys are like that.

All right.

We're not real.

Does he have a jam?

You You guys have a check in the bay?

He's our third.

Well, we could put like

GoPros on them and get footage of each other looking badass riding them waves.

He the bay boys.

We can start learning how to do tricks on it.

In the bay, right?

I'm fine with either.

Whatever.

It's on the water.

It doesn't count.

Like how people do flips and jumps and shit.

Maritime law says whatever you do out there is totally fine.

Right, we accidentally get married because we go too far out.

Can't wait to listen to the scanner that day.

But we're in distress.

Yeah, yeah.

I saw.

Speaking of.

Real quick, one last question about the Jetskis, though.

You guys, at all times, will be wearing life jackets, right?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I think so.

I think you got to do that.

You have to.

I don't want to do that.

Well, I think you would get pulled over by the Marine Police if they saw you and you didn't.

You didn't have one?

And helmets.

Let's go carried away.

come on

two helmets what do i know you want to look cool but come on what's what's more important looking cool yeah

we're gonna they're gonna be gopros out there we're gonna be smoking while we're doing your helmet though the gopro oh all right hold on yeah but then in his footage i'll look like a dork

they say that the absolute surest way the most accurate way to find out if you if you're a handsome guy yeah is to put a helmet on okay Because

if you're handsome and you put a helmet on, like Brad Pitt can put any helmet on, he's going to look cool.

Sure.

But not a lot of guys can do that.

Like I put one on, I climb onto a short bus and nobody notices.

That's more likely.

But that's, they say that's the most accurate test that women should try to somehow get their potential boyfriends to put a helmet on before they marry them.

So is that why women go after like football players?

No, I think it's the fucking money,

the fame, the power, the perfect power, the perfect physiques.

It's not that they look good, the pliability.

I think because everybody looks good behind a face mask.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

It was impossible to see what they look like.

Everybody looks like Tom Brady behind a face mask.

When they pop it off, you know, that they're far a cry from TB12.

Okay.

You're fucking all fugly

compared to TB12.

What about a hard hat?

Hard hat, hard hat, no, because a hard hat, your mind just associates it with macho.

Immediately, a woman's going to think that like that's

they equate that with hard work, hard hat, macho.

He's good looking with a hard hat on.

Yeah.

It's got to be the most dorky helmet you could find.

Okay.

It's not even a motorcycle helmet.

Yeah.

Like a gazoo helmet.

Yeah.

You look sexy in that.

Yeah, you're a keeper.

Yeah, no, no helmets on the jet ski, though.

Yeah, I don't know.

What do you think, you know?

Do you poo-poo that?

I know I'm going to take it.

They might take a little bit more.

They might listen to you.

Your reasoning might be more sound than mine.

I know I'm going to start wearing a hard hat now.

That's what I'm taking away from this.

You have one.

Yeah, I know.

I'm about to go grab it.

I don't know that I've ever seen somebody wearing a helmet while on a jet ski.

I mean, when we rented them in QS, it's not like it was, hey, do you want a helmet?

It's like, here, you have to wear a life jacket, not even an option to wear a helmet.

Yeah, I wonder if it affects like how you float then.

Well, you could get a styrofoam helmet.

Just skip the helmet.

So if he goes over, he gets knocked out.

He's just floating by his head underwater.

Look at that turtle.

Turtle.

Just go profloating overwhelmingly.

Make a left turning.

If you want to be safe, you can't worry about what you look like.

It's more important to safety than aesthetics.

No, I appreciate your concern, but

I think we'll risk it on that.

But we'll wear the

vest because that covers all safe.

Like with life jackets.

It covers any sins.

You know what I mean?

Like,

it covers your...

Oh, yeah.

If you don't have a six-pack, no one knows.

No one knows because you got that thing in, yeah.

Just work out my arms a couple days a week so they look good popping out of it.

You know what I'm saying?

We drive by the ladies.

We're like, we have six packs.

Just keep going.

Trust us.

Framework fecal

with our helmets and gopros consider a hard hat though

this combination of the life vest and the hard hat it kind of flies in the face of being out there on the water having to like then like what's to stop you from wearing one on a boat you know like or the ferry going over to from staten island to new york you know if everybody on that ferry sees you you know yeah you can go by that like you see people on jet skis under the varrazzano up the east river and stuff like that so like maybe i might be venturing that way Nice.

You know, I look forward to it.

That should be fun.

Yeah, this is a good summertime activity.

I think so, man.

Something like that.

Well, you won't do it

when it gets a little chilly.

Fuck no way.

I won't even go in my pool.

It was like 80 degrees.

Yeah.

Yeah, like I can't wait till the guy comes and covers the pool up.

I'm tired of skimming out leaves, and I'm like, I'm not going in.

Sage went in a couple days ago.

It took her like a half hour to get in.

She's like, it's okay.

I can do it.

She talks to herself.

I'm talking herself through it.

Talk to her, what's up?

And it's heated, right?

Yeah, it's heated.

It's still cold.

Like, because when you get out, it's like the water's 90.

You get out, the air is 65.

Yeah, that's why I stopped.

Couldn't you wear a wetsuit in the winter and go?

This doesn't sound fun, though.

To wear a wetsuit?

To be out there in the cold doing 40 miles per hour with a little bit of a drink.

Your face would be exposed.

Yeah, you're probably going to.

But your hands would be frosty.

Frostbite.

It just doesn't sound fun.

Yeah.

But we're going to do it.

We're going to do it.

We're going to do it.

Why not?

What's the worst that happens?

We don't use it.

We sell it.

Yeah.

Turn around and say, fuck it.

Well, you guys were floaties.

The arm floaties.

The arm floaties?

I don't know.

Yeah, they don't want to cover up their guns.

Yeah.

We might as well get into one of those big orbs at a certain point and have us float around the water.

Yeah.

Just walk across the water.

Yeah, I'm excited.

I mean, you might even be able to fish off that thing.

You never know.

I don't know where you're putting the fish if you catch it.

People fish off kayaks and stuff, so

maybe.

That's more of a workout.

Fishing?

If you know, if you you go, well, if you go on a kayak, if you fish off of a jet skate, yeah, but

not going across the bay in a kayak against the current.

Oh, my God.

No, we'd be so far out in the ocean like in a blink of an eye.

A couple of trips, you don't have to worry about your abs, and they will look fucking.

I just won't do it.

Same reason I won't go to the gym.

You know what's good for that too?

It looks like paddleboarding, like keeping your balance and paddleboarding around.

I see a lot of people doing that for health.

Robert used to do that.

Did he?

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I bet you that the four-colored demons would be excited to hear that we're branching out into water territory.

Maybe we need a take on the logo for the water.

Oh, for the snorkel.

That's a good idea.

Yeah, like there's some sort of aquatic variant.

Yeah.

Okay.

A mermaid tale, the water chapter.

Yeah.

Oh, I like that.

On land and at sea.

You can't escape the four-colored demons.

No, as much as you might want to, you cannot.

Over land, sea, and air.

I love it.

Air.

Air too.

Plane's next.

Pilot's license.

That's what we got to get.

Yeah.

I normally can't stand woke shit.

Yeah.

Don't like it.

You don't say.

However, I saw Chewy ad the other day.

You know, the animal company.

Oh, I know, Chewie.

Three-legged dog.

Just like the Alice in Chains

cover.

Yeah.

Yeah, I was like, that's really cute that they went ahead and they were like, you know what?

Diversity is not just for humans.

It's three-legged dog.

Let's give him a shot.

There was one on

champion on Parks and Rec.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Don't.

No?

Really?

You're okay.

Did you see the office?

You saw The Office, right?

So most of The Office.

Okay, then you saw Parks and Rec.

Yeah.

Pretty much.

It evolved.

No, it evolved.

Like, season one is office-ish, but season two, it evolved.

Maybe only so the first two seasons.

Yeah.

I thought once Chris Pratt left, it sort of suffered in

quality.

Or when they started using him less, at least.

You know, he didn't I don't know if he I don't think he quite left.

Yeah, he just wasn't around.

Did he used to be chubby on that show?

Yeah.

Yeah, they they did it uh'cause he was chubby, then he went to do uh Guardians of the Galaxy and then he got fit.

And so they like they just had a one uh like a one-line thing about it because they go to uh London.

And he's like, wow, you lost a lot of weight.

He goes, yeah, I just eliminated beer from my diet.

He goes, that, you lost 55 pounds?

Yeah.

He's like, yeah.

And then boom, that was it.

There you go.

What else do I go?

That's about it.

Except for if I were if I had the ability, I would vote for Lauren Boebert.

Boebert, who's that?

Yeah.

Did you hear about this lady she went to?

I think it was Betelgeuse she went to.

Did you read about this lady, Walt?

She's like a congresswoman,

Colorado or something, I think.

And anyway, she goes to a play, whatever the play was.

Beetlejuice.

It was Beetlejuice.

Okay.

And she's acting the fool.

She's vaping.

She's laughing.

She's taking flash photography.

That sounds annoying.

Most of all, she's getting felt up by her boyfriend

on their first date.

She just got divorced, getting felt up and playing with his crotch and shit, messing around.

And he's a Democrat.

The most scandalous part of it all.

Yeah.

Whoa.

Well, that's nice to read.

We're all together, man.

Yeah.

Opposites attract.

Everybody got up.

Everybody got up to the age.

We sat across the aisle to handjob each other.

Well, I think she said she was like, before dating, somebody should check the party affiliations or something.

She's like, she doesn't give a fuck this lady.

Really?

Yeah, she's like, hey, I just have a big personality.

It's like, no, you're an asshole.

Anybody who's doing that at a play is a total asshole.

And then she's like, she denied vaping, but then, of course, there's video of her vaping.

And she goes, Colorado, was that vaping?

She goes, I must have forgotten.

Yeah.

Now, is it because it's a live play

that

it's really frowned upon?

Because

I imagine some heavy petting still goes on at the movie theater.

Oh, i hope so but because watching oppenheimer getting a half

oh look at all those souls disappear into the ether

but is call me daddy

i say call me daddy

but is it just more frowned upon because it's a performers

on a stage i think because the performers can hear you and see you when they're getting distracted.

Well, tickets aren't cheap

for those people.

And I believe she was singing along, too, which

they could hear from the stage.

And I think she pulled.

Didn't she pull at the end?

She pulled the old, you know who I am.

Did she really?

Yeah.

I mean, that's never going to work.

She was throwing up the finger as they were escorting her out.

And it's a mono theater, so there's like cameras.

This is a

representative.

Congressman Center, yeah, I don't know.

Wow.

Yeah, she's pretty high up there.

Can she be removed from office for that kind of behavior?

I think they're talking about some punishment of some kind or something.

I mean, I think it's pretty hard to remove.

Yeah, maybe they're going to censor.

Censure.

Censure her.

Maybe they're going to censure her.

No.

Not unless she's not

appropriate.

Oh, I agree on your sense.

For our leaders.

Yeah, because there's moral.

Last time you've seen a leader act like they're supposed to act.

We've got to put our foot down at some point, don't we?

Let's not put it down at getting felt up in movie theaters.

Yeah, please, Walt.

Please.

Across all spectrums people love feeling it.

Getting felt up in movie theaters.

Unless I'm paying for it.

I think that's that's a place that has been kind of accepted.

Like, you know, you can, you can make out

that put

balcony in the back row.

But at Broadway plays, though, no, that's it's still, you can, you know.

You probably shouldn't do it.

Yeah.

What is it?

Well, you're a married man, Walt.

I'm a married man.

What is it like as you get older?

You don't mess around in the movie theater, you don't mess around in the car.

Why not, man?

Just go back to your house and do it.

When you

that is a product when you're doing it in places like that of just not having any desperation, you don't have your own place.

Society's deems, once you get your own place,

you don't do that anymore.

You gotta look the other way for the youngsters because they don't have a place to go.

So the couch over there is fine until I got my own place.

Tell them, Steve.