#569: Brown Snakes on a Plane

I was thinking about Jimmy the hair guy.

Don't you think he's like, because you're, you're right, he is small in stature, but he has this pop belly, and I'm like, he's built like a toddler.

I'm drinking constantly.

Yeah, there is no chance on the planet, though, that I was even nearing, you know,

doing number two.

No way.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave.

Hey, Walt.

Hello.

And Q is not here, unsurprisingly.

He's got no commitment.

Instead, we have Frank Five.

Hello.

Frank Five, can you, will you, bring up your

personality?

Will you bring up your energy?

Can you match a Brian Quinn in any way, shape, or form?

I will do the best I can, but

I am sure that he will be missed and I will be hated.

Well, he may be calling in.

He may be calling in, so we might hear from BQ.

And of course, Giddam, who was, I feel unfairly maligned last week.

Well, the

sound,

he was dipping out.

You couldn't really hear Giddam.

I don't think it was Giddam's fault.

They were like, he's a sound guy.

He's in charge.

I think it might have been Declan

because everything sounds good on our end.

I think it might have been Declan.

Didn't mix it properly.

So if you're going to give anybody shit, give it to that little leprechaun.

Not to poor Gidham.

Yeah.

He takes enough slings and arrows.

He doesn't need this shit, too.

So, what do we want to talk about first?

Want to get right to Q, see what Q's up to?

Sure.

Hello.

BQ.

Yo, what's going on?

What's up, baby?

We got a pretender here, some fake that's trying to be you.

His name is Frank Five.

Frank Five is sitting in for me, huh?

Yes, he is.

This makes him appreciate you way more.

It's not easy, Bunt.

It's not.

So we wanted to, even though you were unable to come in today, we wanted to talk to you real fast because we all had quite a weekend last week.

Yeah, we did.

We talked about it it on the last show.

Okay, yep.

Yep.

We were going to Jones Beach to see Rob Zombie, Alice Cooper, Ministry and Filter, the last two who we all missed because we were hanging out in the parking lot.

Me, you.

You're always filling that out with Troy.

We were doing some classic, very classic tailgating.

Yeah.

Which isn't easy for you because you got recognized a few times.

Yeah, it's all right.

Most people are nice.

But yeah, the only time that came into my worry about that came in was when I had to take a leak.

So I had to duck into some tall grass.

And then I was

came out with ticks all over him and Lyme disease.

Yeah, but I moved over the pee, and I'm like, well, this is not going to be.

Yeah, great, great time.

Great time.

Great time.

A great time that almost didn't happen, Walt.

Yeah.

Walt Flanagan,

so Mary Beth came.

Mary Beth and I went up.

We met Troy and his wife.

And as we're on our way there,

we get a call from Frank, who I thought at first was a joke that they had to stop on the way.

It was Frank,

Miss Five, Walt, and Deb.

And they were on their way to the show, and Walt started feeling woozy, started feeling ill.

Not too long after you left, right?

Probably about

15 minutes into the drive.

Well, actually, but that would be a lie.

I was feeling a little off before I even got in the car, before even Frank picked me up.

But

I was telling myself, it'll pass.

It'll pass.

It'll pass.

Now, what did it feel like at the time?

Like, if you were going to diagnose yourself in the moment, what would you have said?

Ooh, that's hard to describe.

It's like a feeling of

like you get that tunnel vision.

And everybody's voice went down real low that was around me,

like they're audible.

Like, you know, they were talking in the back seat, and all of a sudden, the volume went down really, really low, and I couldn't hear anybody talking except in mumbles.

Right.

And I came close to

feeling like I was going to pass out.

And so I was terrified I was having a heart attack.

Your head's swimming.

Well, when we heard some of the stuff that Frank told us, like, of course, Mary Beth and I are speculating.

I'm like, maybe he had a panic attack.

Maybe he's this, maybe he's that.

Turns out we were wrong.

We're not doctors.

But before that, you had to pull over and asked frank to call you an ambulance which when i heard that i was like oh my god no no like i don't yeah i i cannot deal with this kind of bad news like waltz and now in an ambulance

that was that was the moment that i started getting i don't want to say freaked out but worried because i was like

walt does not call ambulances that's the first ambulance i've ever been in from from the road from the road we pulled over and we went pulled over at a like a welsh farms or a quick check or something.

Quick check.

And I stepped out of the car and

I got some air and I was like, okay, maybe it's going away.

But I was just lying to myself and

I was feeling like I'm like, well, I don't have shortness of breath.

I don't have chest pains.

Excuse me.

What's going on?

And

so I was like, I'm going to go.

I'm okay.

It's going to pass.

I'm going to go.

And then they went, like, everybody went inside to get like, I guess, like a Nestle crunch bar, some sugar.

And we went and got you a drink.

And

when they were inside, it happened again.

And it was like, I was so close to blacking out that I was terrified.

And

honestly, I just,

I really just saw my, I mean, I don't want to start getting emotionally upset or anything, but I saw my daughter and I was like, and I was like, if I don't get to see her again, because I fucking power through to see this concert.

Right.

It's going to.

Johnson.

No, it's not my fault.

It's nobody's fault.

I just was like, I can do this.

I'll be all fine.

It's just passing.

But I knew that something was seriously, seriously wrong.

And I so if I was to get back in that car

and something happens, I would, I would, it just would have been like, what a stupid move when I just should do the right thing and

see, get some medical assistance.

And I was afraid I was going to throw up too.

And

Frank just got a new car.

Right.

Right.

What's the new car?

What's the car?

It's a BMW.

Whoa, someone's doing well.

And the BMW.

I'm still driving a 2018 Wrangler.

Damn.

You'll get there.

I wish you had picked me up, Q, because then I would have said, like, we could have just

went to the hospital where I spent

Welsh Farms because I wouldn't have felt this guilt of throwing up in a brand new BMW.

And I said to, that's when

Deb came over to me and she was talking to me.

And she's like, and I said to Frank, I was like, call an ambulance.

Yeah.

When I said, you know how long it takes to convince yourself to call an ambulance?

It takes me a long time to go to an ER.

One time it took me days and they're like, you're lucky you came in.

You're going to have a heart attack.

You've got so little blood in you.

So yeah, I'm no stranger to being like, don't want to do it.

Don't want to do it.

And that realization finally, when I said to call him, and I was just like, if I throw up in his car, I'm never going to be able to forgive myself.

You know, and they're brand new cars.

Christiane.

Here's what gets me.

You're insane because

we didn't know that that's why you wanted to call the ambulance.

There was a little, you know, I'm not being 100% honest.

There was a little bit of me, too, that was like, I need to get somebody here who knows what the hell's going on.

Frank drives too slow.

That's true.

Like, if Giddam was, like, well, if Giddam was there, I would have been like, well, maybe he'll be able to give me CPR or something.

I wasn't.

He has to.

Oh, you were?

Yeah.

Mouth to mouth.

All right, yeah, but like, you know,

if I need mouth to mouth, I know I know Gibb's going to get right in there.

I don't know if you would have, if you would have, like,

paused.

I probably would have paused just for a second.

Would you have sent Mary and been like, you know this stuff, too?

Yeah, I'll tell you what to do.

This bullet was fine.

But Mary Beth had a good point.

She was like, I mean, if it's 500 bucks to detail a car and make it brand new, again, like the ambulance had to be way more than that.

I'm sure the ambulance was upwards of $8,000 to $1,000.

Yeah, that's what I was hearing, about $1,000.

But I didn't, at that, you know, I'm not being 100% honest.

There was a small part of me that also was like i need to get somebody here who knows what the hell is going on or at least like if like if i pass out like they'll be they'll be here to re to make me regain conscious or administer some aid to me right because especially like in that moment like like i wake up and i'm like my knee hurts it's like all right my knee hurts like you wake up and you're like i can't fucking hear people correctly no no and i feel woozy as fuck actually i woke up and i felt better than i've ever been because i've been dealing with like a major chest cold i think it was coveted but I don't know.

But major chest cold with

chest congestion

for weeks.

For like it felt like two weeks,

and I'm still like have a little bit of a cough and but the congestion is like

a million times better now.

It's just a small bit of congestion now.

But so I've been dealing with something and

but that morning I woke up and I was like, man, I feel really good.

And then as the morning progressed and like about a half hour before Frank got there, I was out in the backyard, you know, trying to tire out the dog because we're going to be gone all day with this concert.

I was kicking balls around and you know, wearing three sweatshirts.

Yeah, I was wearing three sweatshirts.

And middle of summer, I might add.

Yeah.

And

I did not feel right when I came in after playing with socks.

But I told myself, I'll be all right.

I'll be all right.

I'm good to go.

I'm metal.

I'm good to go.

No, it wasn't like I'm metal.

It was just like, I'm overreacting here.

I'll be fine.

But when it came close to like blacking out, then I knew like this is not normal.

Here's what kind of made me nervous.

We pull in and to pick him up.

And

as we're driving, he says something that I've never heard him say.

And he goes, geez, I'm awfully hot.

So I said it to him, I said, well, why don't you take off your sweatshirt?

You know, it's hot here.

Or at least one of them.

One of them.

And then he did.

He pulled off his sweatshirt.

And now he's got his face.

Do you remember this?

Yeah.

Against the air conditioning.

And he turns to me, he goes, turn the air conditioning up.

And I'm like, at first, I kind of thought he was just screwing around.

And, you know, you didn't talk much when you got into this.

No, I was like, I was just, I was deep within my head going, like, something's wrong.

Something's wrong.

And I didn't want to admit it.

I didn't want to say anything.

They were going out for a concert.

You know, when's the last time that all of us, BQ, was me, you, Troy, Frank?

Yeah.

This never happens.

Now I'm going to be like,

I feel good.

I can't hear people.

Yeah.

I'm all down at the house.

Well, you know, me, Troy, and Q are sitting there.

We're like, we went to a restaurant and we were talking.

We're like, because Frank was giving updates as he was getting them, which wasn't very frequent.

So we're sitting there all worried and shit.

We're like, what's going on?

Is he going to be okay?

What happens?

And then finally, the diagnosis comes through.

And extreme dehydration happens.

It turns out that the doctor went to his wife and said, I don't know how to tell you this, but your husband is thirsty.

This was more than that, though.

I have a new water regimen now

given to me by the doctor who was like, you've got to start drinking more water or you're going to be extremely sorry.

And so, like, I've taken it to heart.

There is no going back.

I am drinking

water constantly now.

Well, not constantly.

I'm trying to get those five bottles.

I'm supposed to get seven bottles.

I can't do seven.

So much water.

It's impossible constantly in the toilet.

But I'm getting five easily per day.

yeah.

Yeah, who could drink any oxygen?

Do you think his complexion is better now?

Because I think it is.

You got a rose about your cheeks and stuff.

Your skin's looking pretty good now.

Yeah, now I'd be holy.

Are you sure you feel okay?

Because you're gonna be good, son.

No, I actually didn't, I really didn't feel better, better, 100% better until yesterday.

Oh, really?

Like, there's lingering little things like where I was just like.

I was like, oh, because I'm also terrified it's going to happen again.

And like, if I, like, if I pass out, like, what's going to happen?

Yo, am I going going to hit my head?

Or, like, you know,

and going up and down stairs and shit.

I was, so I was, in the back of my mind, I was like, man, something's still not right.

But eventually, probably yesterday, I felt completely normal and I feel really good now.

Yeah.

I always go down the stairs like my grandmother did, you know, just like the little scooch.

Yeah.

Oh, she would sit on the stairs and scooch down.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She had a bat.

Yeah, that's, that's how you want to accept life.

I'll just scooch down the stairs from now on.

She had two fake knees and a fake ankle.

But yeah, I didn't want to.

And I told the doctor, too, I was like, I'm going to a concert.

When they told me what it was, and they're like, okay, we're going to give you some fluids.

And it turned out I needed two big bags of fluid.

Yeah.

And I was like, can I still go to the concert?

And they were like, I don't see no reason why not.

You know, you can't drink.

Don't drink alcohol.

They're like, oh, that gave you the opening to be like, let me tell you something.

It's 1988.

At least I thought.

I'm like, hey, not only am I not drinking water, I'm not drinking alcohol either.

Did they make you get back the hospital robe?

I didn't get a robe.

I didn't get a gown either, which was like, yeah, they.

You were totally nude in the bed?

No, they took me right from the ho uh the ambulance right into the room, and there was no formality of getting undressed or anything.

Okay, well, when my teeth got knocked out, I took the robe with me.

Or the gown with me.

The gown?

Yeah.

But it's like the paper-thin gown?

No, it was always like a girl.

It shows your ass.

It was cloth.

I mean, it's basically tissue paper.

It was cloth.

No, it was cloth.

This could be valuable

back in the early 90s or Not anymore.

I don't think they're made out of cloth.

But yeah, that was it.

But I was given the green light to go.

So I decided I would, you know, I would

power through and,

you know, muscle through it and get through and get to the concert.

Yeah.

And he did it.

And that's,

like when you were, when we found out, okay, he's dehydrated and you got the fluids and stuff, we're like, okay, this is now open season.

But when you sacked up and went to the concert, it's just like, well,

all right.

What are you supposed to do?

I'm making fun of you.

For what?

For passing out like my wife.

The reason I'm passing out is I think I got COVID and all I'm doing is fucking lifting boxes

for the fucking Patreon shit.

And you guys are now going to ride my balls.

I went to the hospital for you fuckers.

But the solution was you just needed to drink water.

I know.

There's no other way to watch.

It makes up 70% of 70% of most people's bodies.

And now I got my wife, and I told her she's free to ride my balls relentlessly about drinking water.

And I'm giving also that card to you, get them.

Okay.

Oh, wow.

You can browbeat me and make sure you're riding me.

Okay.

Like a Bronco.

Oh, I will.

To drink water.

You keep looking this good.

I have three varsity letters in Managing.

If anyone knows anything about hydration, it's me.

Because if I'm not at home, I'm here.

So I want somebody in my ear being like, have you drank enough water?

Even if I get a little grouchy and I'm like, yeah, I drank water.

That's what I predict.

Don't take it the wrong way.

Just like you just don't

power through that as well and just keep rocking.

Yes.

You know who Bobby Boucher is?

Yes, from the Water Boy.

That's you now.

You're now the office board.

Oh, I'll be talking to high-quality HQO in our refrigerator.

But how do you guys do it, though?

Hugh,

how do you

take down

five to seven bottles of water a day?

How do you do it?

I'm just used to it.

I drink, I'm drinking constantly.

Well, like, so it's just in me now.

You got a clip for this week.

Make sure I put extra ice in my.

But now you have the fun, too, of monitoring the color of your pea to see how it dehydrates.

Oh, I've been doing that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's it's it's at the exact color.

Um, you know, I got the little chart.

I look at it.

We take it to the urinal in the bathroom.

Yeah.

I feel like

it's at the perfect color right now.

I feel like on a a personal level, I don't need as much water as your common man.

Really?

I'm more cameless.

You look the same thing too.

I don't know.

How would you feel like it?

It's almost all water.

Go ahead, Q.

You remember those old school pool testing kits with the two sides?

Yeah.

That's what I want you to piss in that forget him everything.

Just to hold it up to the light and just then he's going to tell you how much water you have to do.

I don't like the look of this sample.

Yeah, let me taste it.

It tastes horrible.

Very sweet.

Too much water.

You should have no taste.

Here's another pile of water, boss.

Drink off.

Yeah, but then Walt arrived, and he did like, you did look a little bit like stunned.

And

look, I'm not going to sugarcoat it.

My wife maybe had one too many at this concert.

She was rocking.

She was rolling.

She was dancing.

She was all over the place.

She made us all look old.

Yeah.

Well,

kind of just by showing up.

She made us all look old.

But behavior-wise, like we were all sitting down

and watching the show, and she was just whipping her hair around.

It was so fun to watch.

Banging her head, having a great time.

Yeah, like at the kind of time that

when

me and you went to see Maiden that time with her, and

there's like guys behind us tearing their shirts off and like beating their chests and shit.

It's like, it's like I've never had that at concert experience or the desire to peel off my shirt.

And the headbanging, trust me, as young as she looked doing it, the next couple of days, there was some back soreness, some neck soreness.

Yeah, it wasn't.

You can't just leap into that kind of headband, head to head back.

That kind of activity, yeah.

Yeah, and not expecting that.

Metal thrashing mad.

There's a price for being metal thrashing mad.

Oh, yeah.

And she paid that price from head to toe because the shoes that I had her wear like tore her feet apart.

Her one foot on the side is like a giant scab because she was trying to wear these like white tennis shoes.

And I was like, Well, if you want to stay home and watch Rob Zombie videos, you can wear them.

But if you want to look like a hot metal slut on my arm, then you're going to have to wear these heels.

I remember you said something about, oh, we're going to the nursing home.

Yeah,

she looks like a nursing school.

Can we reveal who's in the room?

Sure.

Mary Beth is here.

Her mom is here.

Her mom and dad are down from

Vegas.

Uh, Miss Five, Sage, is here.

It's a full house.

Yeah.

Wow.

There's a viewing party.

Yeah, there's a viewing party.

And

yeah, so Mary Beth got all torn up.

She didn't look half as good afterwards as she did before.

And this is when I, this is exactly when I knew Walt wasn't quite with us.

Was uh, like, Mary Beth was obviously tanked.

And I leaned into him.

I was like, I can't believe she's going to be driving home.

And Walt just goes, I wouldn't let her.

Like, Walt, that's serious and shit.

I was like,

I was like, our friend still is there.

And then I was like, do you need more water?

You're going to be next to him.

Did you talk about your cane yet?

I brought the cane.

I only needed it on the way out, though, thankfully.

But yeah, she was dancing with the cane, mocking me.

I couldn't get to her.

I got a great video of you walking to Troy's car with your cane.

Oh, did you?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's right.

I forgot about that video.

I drove by and I screamed at you, and you shook the cane at me.

And it didn't even seem like you were doing it to be funny.

It's second nature.

I'm telling you, like, you get a cane and suddenly, like, you want to point at people, you want to knock on doors, you want to shake it, you know?

Get the game.

It's like an extension.

It's like, like, your fist isn't enough.

Now you shake a cane.

Somebody's like, wow, he's old and mad.

And then we're going into the parking lot and there was an old guy walking across with a cane to the concert and he was wearing like a zombie shirt and then you put your cane out the window and went, I'm with you, brother.

And then the king raised his cane and you raised your cane.

And it was like,

cane grows for life.

Now, does anybody

who is shaking a cane, are they

just completely and automatically dismissed no matter what they say?

The cane just makes you dismiss it.

The cane makes it like, what are you going to do?

I think it depends on the cane, man.

Again, you're using like a CBS,

five-registered $9 aluminum cane.

Like, get yourself an

Amazon basic

park.

You need like a gargoyle on the edge of that cane.

Yeah,

that the cane was less than $10 and the stickers won't come off.

That's the kind of cane it is.

I got a skull cane in the other room.

Maybe you could put it up on Twitter and vote for it.

Well, Pam offered me one of hers, but they were too short.

You know, because she's only like 5'3.

You want to show tennis balls to the bottom of the tennis.

Yeah,

cut a tennis ball.

I mean, I haven't needed anything like that since I got my knee done.

That's how long it's been.

But yeah, this sciatica.

And thank you to everybody who rode in and Walt forwarded me the sciatica help.

So I do appreciate that.

I got myself a TENS unit, which is like almost like that ASMR that you talk about.

Like, you know, how you like the buzzing of the shears.

Yeah, it's like this pulsating.

energy that go like uh that goes into your like i told you about this yeah yeah you told me about the the tens yeah you and get them told me about it so i eventually did buy it and uh yeah you put these electrodes on your back and on the back of your leg or wherever it's hurting you, your shoulders, and you can set it to different intensities.

And I really want to shock Jimmy the hair guy.

I want to put it to its,

because I know he's the guy that'll do it.

I want to put it to its maximum intensity.

And if he can do it for a certain

length of time.

Yeah, we used to do that in wrestling.

Like we had the big professional one.

And like it was, you had to hold one in each hand and they would just crank it to like 10.

Yeah, it's it's like I put it up to about six and I was like, this is brutal.

I don't know how you go to 10.

You know?

But yeah.

I'm sure he'd be up for it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he'd just hear you.

She's like, Yeah, I'm in dude,

stand in a little kiddie pool of water.

I'll do it, I'll do it.

You guys need whatever you guys need.

Yeah, but other than that, yeah, the concert was great.

I thought uh, both Ellis Cooper and Zombie put on a very tight show.

Uh, it was a lot of fun, and like you said, like it really was like, we have to do this again, like next year, and maybe not that exact concert, that exact venue, whatever.

But I think

even if it's not a concert, we should do it because it was so much fun.

And I remember, like, there was a time where the queue, like me, you, Sal, Joe, like, um, Murray, Jiggy, like, we all went out one night.

And I remember Joe being like, this is so much fun.

We should do this again.

Never did it again.

Never heard from anybody.

Yeah, but it was.

It's like in the moment, it's like, this is so fucking great.

But I guess it's just like arranging everybody's schedules, getting it so everybody can go.

Like Troy was on top of it.

He was Troy was really on top of it.

Yeah, he did a great job.

Who'd have thought a detective is detail-oriented?

I know, right?

Yeah, he did an awesome job.

And the concert was fun.

I'm trying to remember if there was anything else from it aside from.

Oh, fuck.

This just reminded me.

I'm supposed to pay Pal him the money.

I haven't paid him yet.

Oh, that's another like Walt Flanagan idiosyncrasy quirk where did somebody come and beat your ass because you owed them a dollar once?

Because you are so up on like paying people back like immediately in the moment.

Like even troy was saying like you like you're on your way to the hospital and you're like i'll get you the money don't worry

yeah i mean this is a guy who's like insurance kicks in

the first person not paying is you

but even frank told me that you're like you know like when you stop by the quick check or whatever you're like hey man can you get me a candy bar dev debt give him the two dollars

Like it's weird that like that's where your mind is in the moment that like Frank is a very, very good friend of yours.

And while candy bar prices have gone up, I got to say, we went to a movie theater a couple weeks ago.

We stopped by to buy candy at 7-Eleven.

I was like, when the fuck did a candy bar start costing $2.19?

COVID.

COVID.

Supply chains.

COVID.

And they're only king size.

You can't get like a normal size one.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And those are $2.90.

I was.

When did you leave, Q?

Oh, he told me he was going to do this too.

Like, did you even see Rob Zombie play?

I did.

I saw, it was the fifth Rob Zombie song that I didn't know.

And I was like,

I was like, I don't do it.

I was like, yeah, if he's not going to do Living Dead Girl, some shit in this next song, I got to go.

And five songs went by, and I didn't recognize a single song.

And it was so loud.

Well,

it was really loud.

That's the first thing when we walked in.

We were like, whoa, like the door was open, and none of us had earplugs in yet.

And it was ministry.

So, like, they were really

loud.

Yeah.

So, yeah,

it was,

too loud.

So it was around the fifth song.

I just, you know, I just did what I did, which is the Irish Exit.

You know, but it doesn't mean I don't love you.

And

well, he told me he was going to do it.

And then I looked around.

I was like, he did it.

That masterful bastard.

He's out of here.

You texted me.

I was a half hour down the road.

You're like, he fucking did it.

He's better than Batman.

I don't think he did it.

Yeah, it was great.

But a great time.

Yeah,

we got to do something like like that.

Yeah, that was fun.

We should do something once a year like that.

That was great.

Yeah, absolutely, man.

Walt will be nice and hydrated.

You actually, though, I remember another time you had a bet with your daughter that you wouldn't drink soda for a month and then you drank water.

And I eventually went back.

And, you know,

I also have to admit the ugly truth that I'm just as addicted to substances as all you guys.

Oh, yeah.

They told me I'm addicted to caffeine.

Really?

Yeah.

So they just went to the bottom.

I didn't go.

They told me don't go cold turkey.

Oh, no, that's bad.

On the Coke.

She said, have your Coke, have a half a cup of Coke at lunch, have a quarter cup at dinner, and then

start to do that.

That's what you normally drink out of a can anyway.

No, that's not true.

Yes, it is.

Yeah, you drink those little mitts.

All right.

So you don't feel better than us anymore.

You should.

You should still feel better than you.

But eventually, in about two weeks, I'll be cold turkey on the caffeine.

On the caffeine.

And then I'll be able to lord it above everybody.

Okay.

All right.

I look forward to that.

I'm a caffeine addict.

Don't even meant caffeine in the morning.

Yeah, I didn't realize I was addicted to caffeine until, you know, until I had raging headaches during the weekend.

I was just like, holy shit.

Starts yelling.

Where's my half a thing of soda?

That happens to me.

Like,

I got off the sugar, but like, sugar, to me, is the same thing where it's like, I'll try to go cold turkey and it's like, am I fucking simple?

Like, why am I doing this?

Like, little bit, little bit, little bit.

I didn't even do it with like the

pills and shit.

I wasn't like cold turkey, you know?

It's like, so with something like sugar, why not just like wean it down or caffeine?

So you're not, you're not torturing yourself.

Yeah, yeah.

And that's, you know, that I told myself, I was like, I don't need to wean it down.

I'll just go cold turkey.

And then fucking the pounding headache was like, you know what?

The doctor said, I should just wean it down.

Yeah.

I'm going to wean it down.

Now, there is a doctor in the house.

Being dehydrated, could it make you like, he was worried about throwing up in Frank's car.

Could it have made him poop in Frank's car?

Is that a possibility from dehydrated?

Not at all.

Oh, and he lost all.

I wasn't even.

He's more likely to throw up.

More likely to throw up than to lose his battles, huh?

You're saying no chance.

Not a chance.

Not a chance.

That's sphincter as tight as can be.

He has superhuman sphincter strength.

But the doc does say: if you passed out and you're not aware of what's going on, you should have just told him that.

That's tough to keep that car, right?

It's tough to keep him pretty.

Nets, the next Patreon gets walked away and shit.

You could have pooped or thrown up in the car.

It would have been fine.

No, if he took a crap in the car, you wouldn't have to.

He's easy to say that now.

But there's no way.

And it's not even his car.

It's Mary's car.

There's no way that on the drive home, after it's all over and you're on your way back home,

you would have been like, I can't believe this.

We can't keep this car.

It's like that episode of Seinfeld.

Yeah, that's right.

But yeah, there is no chance on the planet, though, that I was even nearing, you know,

doing number two.

No way.

But I definitely was like, I'm afraid I'm going to throw up, and I don't want to throw up in her brand new car.

You're okay with it, Frank.

You don't care.

This is a guy who threw up on a birthday cake and was like, here, eat it.

Yeah.

It's a relative.

I would be saying the same exact things as you're saying right now.

But I wouldn't have meant him.

I wouldn't have meant them either.

But it's a different story when it didn't happen.

That's true.

You're right.

It's so easy.

It's not easy.

I know you would, I know you genuinely feel that way, but it's so much easier to be like, it would have been fine.

Not a big deal.

It would have been a bit, you wouldn't have stopped talking about it.

Oh, I'm

fine with it, but of course, yeah, I definitely would have kept talking about it.

You got a little plaque to put on the dashboard.

Yeah, like, like, if you accidentally used my car as a toilet, I can't swear that I would keep it.

I might be like, I'm like, we'll see how it goes.

We'll get it detailed.

And then from there, you know.

Yeah.

No, there was no danger of that, though, Frank.

Yeah.

So, yeah, that's the concert.

It was a great time.

Even though some of us were hobbled away, whether it was because we were dehydrated or have sciatica or dance too much.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Shoes.

Yeah, those shoes.

Yeah, I feel it made me feel bad for women in general, where, like, women cannot buy a pair of heels that doesn't tear their feet apart.

Oh, my God.

You got to see Mary's feet.

Oh, the gross.

Horrible.

Yeah.

They look like talons and shit.

They do.

Yeah.

They do.

It's like eagle talons.

And I carry fish in them?

From all the feet, from all the shoes she wore.

Like a gauge spray over there.

You know, you could sell that, those photos.

Of her feet?

Oh, yeah.

She wore a National Geographic.

Here we have the talon-footed woman.

I cannot believe that Mrs.

Five puts up with this bullshit.

She can't hear you, by the way.

Okay, she doesn't have any headphones on it.

23 years.

Q is coming to your defense.

He's sticking up for you.

Yeah.

So, Q, we'll let you go.

We know you're busy, but we wanted to get your input on that show.

And it was

a great time.

How's Boris?

Boris is great.

He's doing great, dude.

I'll give you a full Boris update when I'm in.

When are we recording this week?

Next, I don't know.

What this week.

Next few days, I'll be in.

Okay.

I'll give you a full Boris update.

But guys, I love talking to you.

Sorry, I'm not there.

It sounds like a fun one.

It's going to be a fun one.

Never is fun without you, though.

Sometimes a little bit of magic.

I was down in Charleston.

I just got back, like, minutes ago.

Oh, okay.

Pleasure or business?

Pleasure.

My buddy Kevin Beagle lives down there.

I went to see Beagle.

I think Datto was playing

theater there.

So I stayed an extra night and went to the theater and hung out with him and Jiggy and everything.

It was great.

Nice.

All right.

Yeah.

But I'm back home.

I'm back now.

So I'll be in next week.

And I look forward to it, gentlemen.

All right, homie.

We'll talk to you soon.

See you later.

Have a good one, Q.

Have a late, guys.

Okay.

Now,

more important than Q, more important than anything else.

Okay.

I shouldn't even need to look at copy for this.

My undies.

It's all I wear, Frank.

I know you're into the burlap, like Haines and Fruit of the Looms and shit.

Where's the yo yo?

Rough on your skin.

What size do you wear?

Geez, I i don't even know what is it uh probably well hey i got a probably large or extra large large or extra large yeah husky husky with uh hey with a reinforced crutch

prevents blowouts yeah

uh

meandies have you ever used your underwear to be mood setters frank oh like have you ever mood killer you've never walked in the room just in your underwear and been like hey ladies what's going on or lady or

yeah she's usually telling me put clothes back

They're supposed to be white.

Yeah, I know.

What's that off-gray color?

Yeah.

I didn't know you had zebra stripe underwear.

Oh, God.

I'm going to hook you up with some Miundi's, Frank.

I'm going to send them to you.

All right.

Yeah.

And then you can, you can, oh, yeah, get them.

I'm supposed to give something to get them, too.

Yeah.

Well, get them.

You might have to drop a couple LBs because I don't think they're that big.

Yeah.

Once you drop a couple, I'm going to hook you up too.

Because it's all stuff.

Trust me, I'm not buying Frank any Miyundis.

I have fucking 5,000 pairs of orange.

They're not even open yet.

I'm thinking about putting some in the termite bowl.

Oh, okay.

We all have something we like to wear when we want to feel confident, comfortable, or attractive.

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Miundi's is here to expand your horizons by offering a variety of undies that can be your perfect match no matter the occasion or mood.

Fancy a fun and vibrant day, Frank.

Choose from a wide range of bold colors.

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Get them?

Our move-make collection is designed for dynamic movement.

You want some downtime, Walt?

After carrying all those boxes while you're dehydrated?

Classic hues offer the ideal comfy vibes so dynamic movement are you saying these are the perfect underwear if you were like doing dance moves while directing traffic if you're doing dance moves while directing traffic they're perfect all right if you're dancing at a concert uncontrollably while drunk they're perfect

yeah it doesn't matter it's all festival worlds

so uh

style and color of my of my meundis which is my favorite i don't have a favorite color there's so many different like come on meundis that's like asking me to pick a favorite kid i mean it's easy for me because i only got one, but if I had two, I would probably still pick her.

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People, you should wear like a nice tight shirt with a bralette underneath when you go to school.

You know, your students can be like, what's going on here?

Why is he wearing a bralette?

Like, it's meundis.

You would too.

It's a man's ear.

Yeah.

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Like normally you go to the mailbox and you're upset because there's like a bill or something there.

Yeah.

This, you get freaking underwear.

Yeah.

And you get to wear them.

Soft underwear, good underwear.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No more having to go to Walmart like I do.

Right.

Like a sucker.

Yeah.

You know the kind of You know the kind of people you run into in the Walmart underwear section, man.

It's an ugly sight.

That's not something you want to do.

Believe me, I know.

You can stay home.

I know how much you don't like people.

You stay home.

You order it from home.

You don't even have to deal with people.

You order it from Amazon and they send you seconds with X's in the back of them.

Factory seconds.

That's what I got.

Is that what you got?

It's just you, I think.

And you kept them, didn't you?

Well,

I tried to return them, but it was too late.

I guarantee if you wouldn't have that problem,

there's a giant

X that is X's.

Yeah, absolutely.

No doubt about it.

Amazon was like, no, no, we don't want him back.

Just keep him.

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Even though it doesn't say it, I still thank them because, God damn it, they've been around a long time.

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My undies is something else, man.

They are our most loyal sponsor.

What else do we got here?

Oh,

Kickstarter, the Blue Juice Kickstarter.

Go to Kickstarter, Blue Juice.

They're doing a, I just wanted to throw that in there, too.

They're doing a Cicada Man or something like that, Cicada Man.

Cicada Man, I believe it is Cicada Samurai.

Cicada Samurai, yes.

It's live now.

Cicada Samurai.

Did you do a promo for this?

They didn't, but I got an email about it, so I just figured I would throw it in there for Tom.

It's for Jerry, actually.

Oh, it's for Jerry?

Okay, Jerry Corita.

We love Jerry.

Yeah, I like Jerry.

Cicada Samurai is a gory horror action story about an immortal samurai, cicada, who must fight to protect his brood from terrifying, bloodthirsty monsters, including the nightmarish cicada killing hornet.

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We've talked about them, murder hornets.

It's an eight-page story.

And it sets the table for the rest of the series.

It's live on Kickstarter right now, so please check out the campaign.

Go to kickstarter.com and just look up

Cicada Samurai.

C-I-C-A-D-A-S-A-M-U-R-A-I, because i would not know how to spell either of those words if i were left up to

uh frank you know what i was wondering yeah around you do you have a right wing flower shop by any chance

oh my god you guys have one here we buy it all the time yeah isn't it weird like you know you know what i'm talking about right

you never noticed the the trump the trump flower place olga's where

oh oh yes yes there's a like a sign yeah there's a sign with trump's picture and then um it says make your Garden Great Again.

Make Your Garden Great Again, hot mum contest.

And then the last one was Trumpkins will be coming soon.

Every October they have Trumpkins.

Now, if I'm a guy, like, I don't care.

You're a podcaster, you're a business owner, you're anything, to divide

your consumer base so drastically by pimping Trump.

Like, who, why?

Well, especially it's a flower shop.

It's a flower shop.

It's a nursery.

It's a nursery.

What does it it have to do with the same shit?

What does it have to do with Trump, though, or politics at all?

Like, why would you allow yourself so...

Because some people are just so obsessed with politics, they can't

not fucking deal with it, right?

They can't.

They have to bring it into every aspect of their life, including their business.

Yeah, because there's another.

Obsessed with it.

I wouldn't be surprised if this was the guy who owns the flower shop.

There's another guy down the highway from us that has the sign out front that's like Trump's 2024.

It's just a regular house.

Yeah.

Yeah, by the kinds of WOS.

Yes.

All kinds of Trump decorations and Trump this and Trump that.

And I'm just like,

even if I was super into Trump,

I wouldn't go around telling everyone because I don't want my car ruined.

I don't want shit thrown at my house.

I want people to buy my flowers.

So have you seen the RV?

I've seen the RV.

Yeah, we've seen the RV.

It's a giant RV covered in, for Frank, it's a giant RV and the listeners, it's a giant RV covered in like Trump flags and they sell them and they just pull into like random gas station lots and like sell stuff for like a couple hours and then take off to a different location.

Really?

That I kind of get.

You're stumping for Trump.

Like you're that, like you're old.

You have your RV.

You're like, I know what I'm going to do.

I'm so into Trump that I'm going to decorate it in this Trump style and then I'm going to go around.

It's actually killed somebody.

They didn't try to like grassroot.

They tried to kill somebody?

No, it killed somebody.

The RV.

Busted?

No, the RV actually killed somebody.

Did it?

Yeah, it was involved in an accident.

Really?

I wasn't aware of that.

I wonder if it's for sale.

No.

They're still going around with it.

Yeah.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Would you keep the Trump stuff on it?

If I got a good deal?

Yeah.

They're like, the only way we'll sell it to you.

Not good.

But did anyone throw off inside it?

No.

Yeah, but I thought that was pretty weird that this flower store, because there's no other business.

Like there are businesses that are LGBTQ friendly and that kind of stuff.

Like the safe stuff, the stuff that everybody's behind.

But something like Trump, I was like, this is, but you don't really see people there all that much.

Do you?

Did you get them?

Huh?

I I don't really see people there all that much.

I don't see a lot of people shopping there.

Yeah, I rarely ever do see the cars in there.

It's also very out of place in our area.

But when me and Frank, you know, we went to the Carolinas.

Oh, yeah.

There's stores that are literally called Trump Store.

Right.

That's what they say.

That's the name of the store.

And it's just Trump items.

So

it's way out of place here in Jersey, though.

But maybe not in other parts of the country.

Well, even like where we live, we're central New York.

But if you go up north of us, that's all you see is flags and stickers and everything.

It's crazy.

Yeah.

This is not Trump related, but I do wonder.

Let's say that

let's say Frank Mary was like, hey, I have a friend coming into town.

I need you to pick her up at the airport.

We're going to have to leave like 6.30 in the morning.

Get there by 7.30, pick him up, because this is a situation with Mary Beth's parents.

They came in from Vegas, go to pick him up.

More than a friend.

So they're a little bit more than a friend.

Okay.

We're more than friends, Doc, me and you.

So

we get there.

And of course, flights are never on time.

So we're waiting.

And I was like, well, what's the flight info?

Well, she never sent it to me.

So now we only know that it's on Spirit.

And like, as we're driving to the airport, Spirit Airlines flight is coming in.

It's exactly the right time.

And she's like, there they are.

Yeah, turns out it wasn't them.

Turns out it wouldn't be them for another 24 hours.

Oh,

yeah, that's right.

That audible gasp that I hope everyone heard.

How long did you stay for?

A half hour?

But it's an hour to get up there and rush out and rush hour traffic.

Did you learn when you were there that they weren't going to come for the next day?

Or was it like, they're not here half hour, I'm out?

Well, Mary, no, no, no.

Yeah.

I'm like, hey, man.

They weren't on that plane.

We're done.

No, we were waiting around, waiting around.

And I'm like, I'm getting out of the car.

I'm stretching my leg, walking around.

And Mary Beth finally calls.

And, you know, she puts on speaker.

And I hear her mom.

She's like, hello?

And Mary Beth's like, what are you doing?

Where are you?

And she's like, sleeping.

And I'm like, I doubt she's sleeping on that fucking plate.

I really doubt it.

And turns out Mary Beth was off by 24 hours.

Now, I didn't get mad because I feel like that's the kind of thing you just.

You tuck away in your back pocket.

Save it.

You don't get mad.

You get even.

Yeah, you use it for later on.

Yeah.

I'm like, Pam and Edgar are coming in on a flight.

Why don't you go go get them?

Yeah.

Would it enrage you, Walt?

Would you give that some shit?

No, lately, yeah,

that wouldn't move my needle.

No.

Nah, it's not, it wouldn't be enough to even get me.

He is so used to people messing up almost 24 hours a day in the store.

If he's like, people, as I do airports.

I mean, the only thing we've been getting up early, that's pretty early.

But, you know, other than that, that would be probably

what else I got to do.

Is that a shot at me?

Not at all.

Are you in this awareness?

Not that you're wrong.

Are you getting up?

Are you sleeping?

Are you getting up or are you just staying up for the night before?

Well, I've been drinking so much water that

I'm up at 6.30, believe it or not.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm up at 9.30.

I'm going to get at 10.30.

Yeah, so

I probably would have been, it would have been easy to get me up on my new water regimen.

Native Americans used to do that before a large battle.

They would drink water so they could get up early and jump on their enemy.

Didn't the other Native Americans do that?

Because they had to take a piss.

Yeah.

So they ensured that they didn't have alarm clocks back in those days.

I mean, mattress wet.

Shit.

Where did you hear this?

Simpsons.

I wouldn't know if that's historically accurate.

I don't know why I think of this kind of stuff regarding you, Walt, but I'm just like, oh man, Walt's going to love this story uh this was from theguardian.com and uh atlanta georgia flight took off did you hear about this uh delta flight returns after passenger has diarrhea quotes all the way through end quotes plane passengers reboard a plane to spain after eight hour delay while social media posts describe flight crew mopping up the mess and there's footage of it if you want to see it If you're interested in seeing it, yeah, we looked it up.

I'm good.

Footage has emerged of the onboard of medical emergency, the onboard medical emergency that forced a u.s airliner back to atlanta only two hours into its flight to spain a messy trail of diarrhea left by a struggling passenger from what i understand you know uh passengers reported uh reportedly including the one suffering diarrhea were allowed to reboard after an eight-hour delay uh so

what happened was the the person was in the bathroom i i don't know why they came crashing out of the bathroom nude and took and and were that's what they said that's the the report that i i heard was that they were nude and they were like they went up the the aisle trailing diarrhea the whole way all over like the carpet all over everything and the flight crew said they did their best to mop up the mess with a paper towels and a scented disinfectant but that only had the effect of making the plane smell of vanilla shit one passenger said

another described the cabin crew placing an absorbent paper runner over the aisle and passengers had to climb over seats to avoid it as they left the plane so if you're first of all, you're super unfortunate to be in like the 26th row to begin with.

But then, if you're like, okay, now there's shit from here all the way up to the front, and I got to climb over seats, like, how do you do that if you're like an octogenarian or something?

You're like some old person, just sitting there and smelling it for the rest of the flight.

How horrible is that?

Yeah, because, yeah, because it's not like they're like they took off and somebody's like, and like they turn around and go right back.

Two hours each way, so four hours of that stuff, man.

I'm sure they got like $200 vouchers, but you also got, I mean,

you have to feel sorry for the person.

I think that's the point, though.

You have to also realize, like, it's not like that person wanted to do that.

Yeah.

I don't know, man.

Some people are weird.

Some people, like, they get their kicks doing shit like that.

No, no pun intended.

I would have automatically jumped to that this was like some sort of like fantasy that they were living out.

But they came out of the bedroom naked and were doing it.

That's what they said.

I don't know.

I don't think they were like, you know, like how you hear some people like, hey, you jumped up on the drink cart and popped a squat, that kind of stuff.

I think it's just like they just came out, maybe like,

maybe they had like some sort of like issue, like with brain issue, and they were like all out of it or something and weren't even aware.

I had something similar happen to me on a Thanksgiving dinner.

We were paper runner all through the house.

No, no, we were, we were.

Get them shit all over the place.

We were

at my aunt's house and she was just on the verge of having severe dementia.

And all of a sudden, we're, you know, we're around the table and she's coming back and forth from the kitchen and and then we just start smelling something.

And she had lost her bowels and didn't even realize it on the floor.

So, like, I had to run out of the place because the smell was like, I was like, like, dry heaving.

And left it for

who in the family then had to suck it up and be like, okay, I'm going to be the one who's going to be the one who hears this.

Her daughter.

And you're not close enough, or you were like.

I was like eight years old.

Oh, okay.

Like, 10 years old.

Yeah, you get the pass as an eight years.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I thought you were talking about last Thanksgiving.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, so it was, it was, it was,

it's tough because it's.

These two stories make me think maybe I overreacted.

Maybe I shouldn't have called an ambulance.

Maybe I just should have gotten it.

I could have.

I didn't understand it because I wasn't.

I definitely should have.

Yeah, I could have gotten you to the hospital way faster than the ambulance was.

I didn't know where it was.

I don't know about that.

The hospital?

I had the hospital in the GPS.

But it was like when I called the ambulance, you know, being from New York, I didn't know even where I was.

I had to run out to the curb and tell them the cross streets of

where we were.

So I could could have definitely

close to a hospital, like three miles.

And he would have only charged you $400.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Half the price.

Was there any part of you, Frank, that just wanted to like take charge of the situation and be like, sit back, Walter got this?

I, you know, what?

I, if I got nervous when he was sitting and he raised his hand up and called me over.

And I'm like, what's up?

And he goes, I think you better call somebody.

And I was like, like, who?

Like an ambulance?

Like, I didn't know who you wanted to call.

And anyway, he's like, yeah.

Then I was like, oh, my God.

Then it's like shit got real.

Right.

And would you have done it if you were in the Ford?

What?

Oh, yeah.

You could have run for the hospital

in the police interception.

Either car, I would have bolted to the hospital.

But when he said he needed an ambulance, then I was like, something must really be wrong.

We'll call him.

What had you eaten?

Like, what would have ended up on their floorboards?

Pizza.

Oh, that's not so bad.

Yeah, a slice of pizza.

Oh, that's nothing, man.

He could have handled that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No water.

Next time.

Next time you're throwing up in the car.

Next time, I'll definitely just let it rip.

Okay.

I have to correct myself.

Remember, we were talking about that guitar from American Musical.

You've been talking about it for a while.

Yeah, I know.

Well, it's almost, it's done, right?

Isn't it almost done?

They're just, they're working on the contest now because they don't like my idea of the song parody contest because that doesn't open it up to everyone.

They want everybody to have a chance, which makes more sense.

So we're going to use a song parody contest for something else in conjunction with American Musical, which has not paid for a spot this week.

But I have to say, I ordered something from them Wednesday.

I got it in less than 24 hours.

It's better than Amazon.

It's fucking better than Amazon.

I was stunned.

Suck it, Bezos.

You could take a page out of AmericanMusical.com's book because they fucking turned that shit around quick.

I was rocking out less than 24 hours, Frank.

That's what you want to hear, right?

You don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about.

Yeah, you do.

Oh, I saw you play the guitar.

All right.

All right.

Yeah.

What else do we got?

Well, I can't talk about this one because Sage is here.

I got to go to another fucking Blue October concert.

Do you believe this shit?

I got to talk quietly because of the other people I'm going with are in the room.

And they don't know you don't like it?

I don't know.

Are you sure you're not?

I'm surprised you care.

Are you sure that's you're not telling everybody how bad you don't want to go?

I don't care.

When Mary Beth told me, she was like, yeah, my parents are going to go.

I'm like, cool.

Why didn't you just buy two more tickets?

Why do I still have to go?

This is a family band, right?

You don't have to go.

Now I do.

I paid for the damn ticket.

Unless I could scalp it.

Scalp it in front of the theater.

Old school?

Yeah.

Just make sure you have the right date.

Yeah, I know, right?

Yeah, the concert was yesterday.

Speaking of dates, there's a date tonight going on.

Gidem and Frank.

Oh, I know.

I heard about this date.

I tried to invite Frank over.

He's like, sorry, spoken for.

That's exactly what I said to him.

I have to say, I have never seen Giddam more excited, more happy.

It's nice.

I'm so giddy.

And I, um, about going to a buffet, a Chinese buffet.

Restaurant buffet.

Yes.

And

I mean, he is jacked.

Yeah.

I was, you're going.

I am so.

It's funny because he texted me like three weeks ago, like we were having a conversation right along.

And it was in the middle of the night, and he was something about Chinese buffet.

And then before we knew it, he, I don't know if you drove there and got the picture of the sign.

No, I took a picture of the sign already.

You just had that in your photo album, I guess, of when they opened.

And the next time I was going to be down, and it was a big problem because I wasn't going to get down here for lunch.

Yeah.

And, you know, I was like, well, I'll pay for the difference if that's okay.

That's not the point.

And I was like, so now it's a big thing.

What is the difference between lunch and dinner buffet?

Like $5 to $6.

Oh, okay.

But $5.

So then why did you mention it if it's not a big deal?

But I don't eat stuff.

It is a big deal.

It is a big deal.

Yeah, you're right.

I don't eat the stuff that's on the dinner menu, which is like crab legs and stuff like that.

So what?

You're not paying for it anyway.

I'm paying for you.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah.

It's the principle of the thing.

You want those crab legs.

I don't.

Or you don't want the crab legs.

I don't want the crab legs.

So I don't feel like I should pay for them because I'm not going to avail myself of them.

But you're not going to avail yourself of every single thing on the lunch buffet either.

On the dinner menu, I will.

On the dinner menu, you will.

Yes, but on the lunch menu.

And you will.

And you had contacted us earlier in the day, and you were like, hey, you guys want to come over after we record and have some pizza at my house?

And I had to quickly jump in because I knew this man would have been devastated.

Yeah, Walt had your back.

Hey, you know what?

Get him.

I'm not going to hit the Chinese buffet tonight.

I don't know what the reaction would be.

Maybe the end of it would have fallen.

It would have been tough.

Would it have been devastation?

Yes, yes.

He's been talking about it.

Because the lunch.

He tells everybody.

He tells strangers

that he's going to the Chinese buffet with Frank.

Frank Five.

Nobody knows who Frank Five is.

Yeah, I told the new Ron this morning.

Yeah, we just saw New Ron.

He's out there smoking a cigar, as usual.

I think that Frank, don't take this the wrong way.

I think that he's very excited to go with you because you're equally as gluttonous as he is.

He knows that, like, he knows if he goes with me, like, Walton ain't going to eat shit.

I might eat one or two.

He doesn't want me anywhere near the place.

I don't think you want to be near the place.

There's not enough room with a car, Walt.

But there's a lot of people you don't want near the place.

Even Mary's not allowed to go, I heard.

He told her she could go walk around the Goodwill

right next door

in a harbor freight for like two or three hours.

And I, and I, like, I'm happy for Gannam because he's excited about this.

He needs something exciting in his life to look forward to.

But I do have to, it is weird though, because he's like, kind of like holding it over Jimmy the hair guy's head that he's not going, that he can't go.

And I'm like, well, why can't he go?

Because he won't eat.

He's eats like a foot.

Like, I don't want to say what he said for the parents, but the key words.

He eats like a P.

Right.

Rhymes with hussy.

Mary Beth's mom.

Mary Beth's mom has called me the P word at least three times since she's been here.

So they're okay with it.

And I'm like, well, why?

What does it matter if Jimmy eats like a bird and you and Frank put the place out of business?

Right.

What difference does it make?

He's like, no, Jimmy's got to earn his right at the table.

Exactly.

And I don't understand this mindset because he's not lying.

He's

the same strain

rules that he lives by and abides by that he's forcing upon other people.

But I've seen him eat.

It's like he had two spoonfuls of baby food.

He tapped out.

He couldn't even finish two

white Kessel spiders.

You don't want Jimmy there at the table because he can't eat like you guys can.

But I don't agree with the fact that you can't wait to text him that you guys are there and be like,

me and Frank.

That's what you're looking forward to.

And we can't, and I can't wait to throw it in his face.

Jimmy's the sweetest mother.

I want him to prove himself the sweetest.

I'll translate for Walt.

He's the sweetest motherfucker out there.

Why on earth are you trying to make

me feel bad about not

trying to help him elevate his gay?

You're motivating him by yelling at him.

Not yelling, but not yelling at him.

Is going to make him eat more?

Yes.

He shunned it.

He has a very small stature though.

But he does look, but he's but he tells me all the time that he can eat all this stuff.

But there's there's a caveats like I can eat a lot of food if there's no cameras on me.

Right, he just wants to go with you.

He wants to be, he wants to go with you, and you're like, no.

And I don't know why.

I don't know why you're doing this to poor Jimmy.

Jimmy the Harrison.

I want you to have fun, but I don't want you to have fun at Jimmy's, you know, expensive.

That is peril.

Jimmy can prove his worth.

Why?

No, it doesn't make any sense on any level.

Because I can't enjoy myself if he's sitting there like, like, like pecking at peas and like eating them one.

Why does it affect your enjoyment?

It just does.

I can't explain it.

So like there's all this pressure on me now to

live up to.

Well, it's your own fault.

You're like, I just ate fucking 150 clams.

I had no easy invite me out

on a date here to do this.

I mean, this is like my honeymoon.

Who's that dude before competitive eating?

Kibachi, kibachi, kobayashi, kobayashi.

You got to be like, you got to become the American Kobayashi.

We want to see you looking like a Homer Simpson with like 50 hot dogs in your mouth.

No, I told him, I was like, I want to drive by that place tomorrow, and I want to see an effing going at a business sign on that window because you two rolled in and rolled out and took him for everything they had.

Temporarily closed out of food.

I was thinking about Jimmy the Hair guy.

Don't you think he's like, you're right, he is small in stature, but he has this pop belly, and I'm like, he's built like a toddler.

Like, if you think about it, like, like the ones you see from Ethiopia?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, like, when I saw Jimmy in that diaper at the gathering of the jugglers, I was like, he looks like a toddler, like a little, like a little boy.

Right, but

he's hanging out to the wall as he's walking.

He texted me.

He's like, oh, I'm going to go do an eating challenge in Arkansas tomorrow.

And then I didn't hear anything from him, so I got worried.

Because I got worried, like maybe he got

worried.

I was.

You're not worried.

But then I kind of knew the reason he didn't message me about it was because he failed.

Epic fail.

He got like two bites in and he burned his head.

His ability to

overdose on food

should not be the reason that you shun him or not include him.

There's so many other reasons.

Or to even take it a step further and

mock him for not being included.

And if he didn't hear this, and he will,

you really think that he would be like, you know what?

I got to up my game.

Yes.

In your fevered logic, you believe that he's going to be like, wow, they don't like me.

I am Mickey.

He is Rocky.

I'm pushing him.

You really think that he would go from point A to point B from like, well, they didn't invite me.

It's because I don't eat enough, or he'd be like, they wouldn't invite me because, hey, they don't like me.

Well, he's not invited to this because it's just, you know,

it's just us two.

He's had plenty of times in like, and we're not playing around him.

Hey, you send him a text.

Hey, Jimmy, we're going to the Chinese buffet Friday.

You want to come?

He's told me that he has usually a hard out time.

And it's for the lunchman.

It doesn't matter what you say.

He is going to have a reason or an excuse as to why Jimmy the hair got to be a good one.

I can guarantee you.

That's why he's celebrating.

Jimmy can back this up.

That he has.

I was like,

I said, we can go do the lunch thing, but you just got to prove yourself.

And how is he going to do that to you?

So

we're trying to organize a thing on the group chat where we go to Applebee's for the oh, he can eat boneless wings.

And if he can prove that he can eat a fair amount of boneless wings.

That you're going to decide what a fair amount is.

If it's more than two or three, yes, that's a fair amount.

I think he can do more than two or three.

I would like to see two or three plates.

Oh, plates.

I said

I would like to.

to, but if he puts a concerted effort in, then...

Well, you don't think he put an effort in in any other past attempts?

He just isn't capable of doing it.

Eating babies.

He did fail on the side.

Excluding people because they're not capable of doing something.

Eating as much as I think they should eat.

And it has no effect on me at all.

It's not like, it's not like, it's not like I own the place and Giddam's bringing somebody that that is going to put me out of business.

That I would be like, God damn it.

Why do I have to bring this guy who can eat so much?

Yeah, like he's bringing somebody who eats like a bird.

And

it wouldn't affect me either way.

But then you feel bad when you're sitting there shoveling food in your mouth and they're just sitting there like twiddling.

Why?

I don't know.

He's going to feel worse.

Jimmy?

Because he didn't get the invite or you?

Because

you're stuffing your fucking face.

Me.

Me.

I don't think so.

This is very weird.

This is weirder than I thought it was.

Like when you were like, yeah, he's really looking forward to it.

I was like, all right, I get it.

But like, I didn't, I didn't know it was on this level, though.

Yeah, me neither.

Oh, it's, I would say on a scale of one to 10, his, his

excitement level.

Yeah.

It's, if it's not 10, it's relative, it's really close.

Yeah.

It's really close.

I used to, I used to work it around, it was called Payday Buffet Day.

So every payday, I would go to the buffet because I, you know, I got, I had money in my account.

It probably was at a nine, but then once he excluded Jimmy, it banged it up to a 10.

I knew it was close to a 10 because last night I came by here last night to work on something and watched the football game.

And Rupp came by too.

And in the middle of we're watching the football game, Giddam just starts dancing in a seat, going to the Chinese buffet

out of nowhere.

And I was like, oh my God.

That's what I knew.

Too much.

Francis either needs a life

or he loves

it that much.

And I wasn't aware.

Or I love the buffet that much.

Yeah, it's got to be a combination of all three.

I almost almost feel like you're duty bound to cancel out him and come on over for pizza.

You can't do it, Frank.

Just to teach him a lesson of how disappointing should be the hair guy.

And I have to always get him, but I know he'd be like, you haven't earned it.

Yeah.

No, I worry about the smells because there is fishy smells there, and I'm not sure he can take that.

You know what?

For you?

You know what?

I'm lying.

I wouldn't.

I wouldn't do fishy smells, not even for you.

Like, I would almost guarantee there's like a fishy smell to the pizza that you would just be like, oh, I can't do this yet.

How late is this place open till?

You're there, though, no matter what.

You're closing this joint tonight.

I think like 9, 10.

Oh, so it's late.

All right.

Yeah.

So we're not going to miss it no matter what.

No.

Okay.

You're safe.

Don't worry.

Yeah.

You can come on over for more pizza afterwards if you want.

Can you imagine that?

That would be amazing.

We're still hungry.

Froze up in Mary's car.

I mean, look at that.

Some good food.

There you go.

Yeah, Mary Beth likes all that shit.

I don't like Chinese food, though.

Oh, it's a peanut butter chicken.

That's your jam?

That's my crack, yeah.

Crack.

Frank, my last question for the day is, you know, you're working a university setting, so you're exposed to more woke type shit than I am.

Yep.

Or anybody else around here actually is.

So is it still PC to call somebody a druggie?

Wow.

Why can you get away with calling...

Because

we were watching World's Wildest Police Chases yesterday on YouTube.

And you remember John Bonnell?

The cop.

Yeah, I'm sure you remember.

I'm John Bonnell.

And these guys are a bunch of crazy motherfuckers driving around.

This guy thinks he's going to get away.

But what he doesn't know is the officers are way ahead of him.

Yeah.

So he's like, this druggie doesn't know which end is up or something like that.

And I was like, I wonder, like, it's very dismissive.

Like, if the guy was drunk, would he call him an alky?

Right.

I don't think he can get away with it now.

I think you can still call people druggies.

I think it can.

We're the lowest of the low.

Who cares about hurting a druggie's feelings?

I think you can pretty much

drop druggie,

and you're not really going to be like.

There's not going to be any blowback.

You're not going to be like, I don't like that.

That's the D-word.

I don't think so.

I remember it was the opening seasons of Cops.

He busted a house in Florida.

He confiscated their Corvette, and then he called them on one of the Zach Morris cell phones and left them a voicemail, left them an answering machine message like, hey, this is John Bonnell with the Florida police.

If you're wondering where your car are and your drugs are, we took them.

Somehow, I mean, we made plenty of phone calls on Comic Book, man.

I feel like it wasn't real.

If there's one of those.

They showed the answering machine.

So.

It's got to be real.

If there's one of those things for, like, you know how they send like, you know, like, hey, if people have a warrant out and they send like out these mass things, like, hey, you just won a lottery or you just won something.

Right, right.

If they ever did, if the get him has a warrant out and they they use the fucking buffet

as the incentive to get him in,

there's no chance you can resist.

Get him going the sing-sing.

I got to scout it out first.

I got to scout it out first.

This is something, man.

I don't like, like, I have favorite restaurants.

Lots of people I know have favorite restaurants, but nothing like this.

Nothing where it's like orgasmic.

Yeah, I've never seen, this is a whole new level for me.

Could you imagine if I was like, hey, Frank, you know what?

You were like, hey,

hey, you want to go back to that CC's?

And if I was like, hey not for nothing frank i hope you're not offended but you didn't eat enough cece's pizza last time so uh i really don't want to go with you

how

it would be totally weird yeah and then late and then later on when you were there you texted him to let him know that you were enjoying your time without him yeah i'll put jimmy to haircut somebody else say frank look look how much pizza jimmy ate

it would be weird right yeah i heard from a third party that ceces is dog shit pizza well you heard from fucking the horse's mouth it's not.

Who's the third party?

I'm just saying, I'm getting conflicting reports.

Who's this third party?

I don't want to say

as a man who's eaten pizza his whole life.

Who you put?

Who's I believed you?

Whose word you're going to put?

I know you're married and you don't want to.

I know you got to sleep and live with the person, but who's who you're recognizing?

Her parents are here the whole weekend.

I'm willing to argue the whole fucking time.

I'm on Walt's side.

How's Dean Dave?

Woo!

Cece's for life.