#555: I Wanna Be Tough

Are you talking?

All right, what the fuck?

All right, you mean what makes me worry.

All right.

No, I chew.

Yeah.

Yeah, I chew and then I swallow.

Now,

but you know, it's like, am I going to have enough time to still do everything that I want to do?

There's so many more Kmart stories.

There's at least this.

Is all you're fucking spending it then?

What a waste.

Jesus.

Tell him Steve Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave.

Hey, Walt.

Hey, and hey, Q.

Oh, wait, Q.

What happened?

Rough night.

Frank 5 is here.

Q is out on a road trip with his big bro.

And again, we're on YouTube, Walt.

And this time we're trying something a little different.

We're going to see how people like it.

We're doing a split screen this time as opposed to like cutting back and forth.

Because some people said, like, they want to see our reactions when you're being dismissive with us over

dyslexia and shit like that, you know?

Split screen.

Split screen.

Yeah.

So it'll be like top and bottom.

So you'll be able to see our reactions.

So give some good reactions, Frank.

People, yeah, there you go.

I want to be on top.

So go to YouTube and our

sign up for our channel at TESD Town.

And I just put up a video of a prank that I I played on stage.

Yes, prank superstar.

No spoilers.

That was karma.

It's pretty good.

It's pretty fun.

So we'll pop this up.

If you're listening to this on audio, we're going to put this on YouTube.

It'll probably go up right around the same time.

So if you'd rather watch it than do that.

Frank.

Yes.

How many clams did you eat?

Did you see that picture?

All his clams?

Yeah, I'm hoping, like, so are we able to like throw up a picture in the video?

Throw up?

Yeah, sure.

Of the text we got informing us that Frank had eaten over 100 clams.

Like 144?

Yeah, I was up to 144.

It was well, you know, and then Mary was kind of like, well, I don't know if it's 144.

She goes, I was counting like right around 120.

She goes, either way, it was well over 100 and it was disgusting.

That was her words, not mine.

Is that the first time you've ever eaten 100 clams in one sitting?

It's the first time I counted.

So I've eaten a lot before, but I never really counted as I was eating them.

But they just kept bringing them.

So I was like getting really excited and they weren't weren't clearing the table, so it was like just I kept putting these empty shells next to me, and they were just piling higher and higher.

Right?

I wanted to redeem myself from my last eating adventure.

But that hasn't come out yet, though.

So you can't reference that.

Oh, well,

I mean, you can't just know we don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

But does a clam smell like it looks?

Well, yeah, I guess it does.

Does it taste like it smells

all fishy and nasty?

Sand in it.

It's gritty.

You know what I think it is?

I think

because it is dipped in butter, you don't really taste it.

It just tastes like you're eating like gutter, like flesh, fleshy butter, butter dipped flesher.

Well, do you chew it or do you just like swallow it down?

No, I chew.

Yeah.

Yeah, I chew and then I swallow.

Now,

let's say your

doctor

was to walk in to the restaurant or wherever you were eating this on a dock.

I don't know.

I wasn't fishing.

I was at a buffet.

Let's say your doctor walked in and he was like, oh, Frank, good to see you.

Would you tell him you're on, hey, this is 125th clam, doc?

Or would you like be more discreet and be like,

that's my salad over there.

No, I would probably tell him.

And then he would probably be like, this is why your numbers are the way they are.

And this is why you're gaining weight.

And you probably could you get mercury poisoning?

I saw somebody posted something, or somebody reached out to me and said something about mercury poisoning.

I never thought of that until that person mentioned it.

So I don't know.

Can you?

I'm like Frank's eyes way up here, the other one down here.

Now, do they not fill you up after the 75th clam?

That's not like that.

You're like, I'm still hungry.

You know what?

They were little neck clams.

So they were much smaller than the regular clams.

So

they weren't filling me.

In fact, the only reason, it's going to make me sound like a glutton, but the only reason I even stopped was because I wanted to try the roast beef and all the other food that they had there, too.

Where was this play?

Was this a

restaurant?

Awesome.

It was the Mount Airy Casino in Pennsylvania.

I was here down in Poconos.

Yes.

Okay.

Yeah.

Surprised they're still in business after you took them for everything they had.

Yeah, really.

And then afterwards, and then I wanted the slots after, too.

The clam industry took a big hit.

Did you win any money?

I won $135.

That's a joke, right?

Yeah.

Living large.

Now, the Polkadots is not close to you.

It's like three hours.

Everything's three hours for me.

So not close.

And you're here again this weekend.

Yeah.

In Jersey.

In Jersey.

Yeah.

I'm curious to find out.

Because Walt was like, yeah, Frank's coming down.

And I'm never told about this.

I'm never invited to the reindeer games between you two.

Probably because Walt's like, he's not going to want to walk around a fucking flea market all day.

But like, what are you here for this weekend now?

So, this weekend, very simple, is there's only three Kmarts left in the world.

Okay.

And one of them is in New Jersey.

For a reason.

For a reason, Frank.

So suck and nobody wants to go to them.

So we're going to check out one of the last remaining Kmarts.

And this is where in Jersey?

I'm not sure.

Oh, it's up north.

It's an hour and a half away.

It's an hour and a half north of here.

Yeah, that's not bad.

That's nothing.

I thought of you

because you told me last weekend you q and troy right went out you went to go see bruce campbell you went to see bruce campbell yeah and that's the difference when you become friends with bq

and you become friends with me why do i get insulted

no it's um like it's just like if like if if frank had pal started paling around with q he'd be going to see meet bruce campbell he'd be doing a lot cooler right than going to the last operating fucking kmart

right so last last week when we went to see Bruce Campbell I'll tell the whole story but eventually it turned out that we went on the tour bus with Bruce Campbell and we were doing shots and shit like that

and compare that to stopping by friendly's after we visit Kmart look around and like well we don't want to buy any of this shit why are we even here

did we did we mention too that we're going to come back here and see the hockey game you're going to watch a hockey game here in the office yeah you didn't mention that you might as well not have

now does that sweeten the deal now this this little dig about i don't get any of your updates on the reindeer games well i don't hear anything about the bruce campbell uh no reindeer games not ranger games i said reindeer

games

you don't get any updates i didn't get no updates about the bruce campbell uh because what happens is like hey walt you want to go to prudential center yeah you want to go to new york to the birthday party no eventually people are like he's just going to say yeah

i mean hey you've got a history of fucking going, like, fucking bowing out in the middle of a fucking road trip, going home.

That's true.

You've got a history of like,

okay, one, I was fucking so sick.

You wouldn't have wanted to be there.

Two, my kid was graduating.

I think those are okay.

Now, had we off, because there was an extra ticket.

There was an extra ticket for Bruce Campbell because what happened was

It was me, Troy, Mary Beth, and Q.

We were going to go see the show.

Q was texting with Bruce Campbell, and Bruce Campbell was like, hey, do you want to be part of this show?

And so Q was like, okay.

So now we have an extra ticket, which was offered first to Joe DeRosa, who turned it down.

First, he was fucking crybaby, like a belly aching and shit, that it wasn't offered to him in the first place.

And then once it is offered to him, he said yes, and then he bailed out.

So we eventually gave it to Meryl, Troy's wife.

And

so

we get there.

It's a long, long ride.

I pick up Q.

It took Mary Beth Beth and I probably two and a half hours to get there.

That's nothing.

No?

Yeah, it does seem like nothing, but I'm just like, oh my, I hate being in a car for more than two hours.

It sucks.

So essentially what we're going to do is we're going to meet up with those, with Troy and his wife.

We're going to hang out, go get something to eat, and then we'll go to the show afterwards.

So that's what we do.

We go to the first place fucking like, and this is like, it really reminded me of when Kevin first started, like.

people recognizing him where it's like you can't really go out in public and be like hey i'm hanging out with this person because they're so busy taking pictures and glad handing and talking that you're like this isn't really i don't feel like i'm really hanging out with q i did feel like i was hanging out with troy though um so we go over to the show and we

get our pictures taken and

with uh bruce campbell and then after that that's when we went out to the tour bus to um

to hang out.

We did a shot with Bruce Campbell, which is,

we were texting Joe DeRosa and be like, you fucked up, man.

You could be in the tour bus right now.

So we hang out and do that.

And then we watch the show.

Now,

all of that seems like pretty regular, right?

But it was

they, those two were not.

I think they made a fucking blood oath to not be sober for the whole night, Troy and Q.

Right.

So they were really like tipsy the entire time.

And it's

like, you know, when people's true personalities come out when they're drunk or they've been drinking, Troy is, and Q are such fucking fanboys that I was puked.

Yeah.

Oh my God, you wouldn't believe it.

They were super excited to go.

Like it was interesting to go on the bus, but if like I hadn't, I would have been fine.

I would have just went to my seat and sat down.

It would have been no big deal.

But they were like giddy and talking about Bruce and wouldn't stop fucking raving about Bruce.

And you would think that was like

when it got, when it was the worst.

But then we move on after the show, we move on to this restaurant that we had actually stopped for a drink, had a drink before.

And then the guy was like, come back, come back.

So we went back afterwards.

Now Q is really like half in the bag and Troy's not far behind him.

I was like,

they're off talking to people.

I was sitting there with Mary Beth and

Troy's wife at the table.

And I said, I was, I had just read about this Mr.

Beast.

He's a popular YouTuber and his sidekick, who has a wife and kids, decided he wanted to transition.

He's going to go transgender.

Um,

and uh, so I said to Troy's wife, I was like, What if he did that?

Like, would you be able to?

I'm trying to talk about anything other than it's so loud in this place, and there's so many people.

I'm like, I don't want to, you know, I didn't really,

it wasn't great, and it was raining outside, so we couldn't really stay.

You didn't break out the little house in the prairie combos?

No, it was too loud, nobody would, I mean, even if they could hear me.

But so, when I say that, I was like, Would you, you know, would you stay with Troy if you transition she's like i thought he was gay she goes

but listen to this she was like when troy and i first started dating she's like i seriously thought that he was going to come out at any minute she's like him and his friends were so busy playing grab ass all the time like i couldn't believe it which what's that is that a video game or is that really no i wish it was a video game only if you film it yeah

i think she's being very literal really like just like smack each other on the butts smacking on the butts goosing each other.

We're going to do that at Kmart tomorrow.

Now,

now I was like, really?

And she's like, oh, yeah.

That stuns me.

You look at him now.

Yeah, because he's burly.

He's big.

He seems like a man's man.

He's the manliest man I know, I think.

It's like, like, like him and Dave Windorf are like fucking, like, they go in a steel cage cage match.

I don't know who's coming out.

But you're telling me that that's on Patreon next month, by the way.

Shirtless cage match, Windorf versus Troy.

Yeah, I would have thought the same.

I was blown away when she told me that.

And then I'm like, look,

he's in his mid-40s.

Like we all go through it.

We all go through that midlife crisis type thing.

You know, you buy a sports car or you, you know, you go out and get a girlfriend.

But with Troy, I'm like, what if he reverts to some kind of primal state?

you know and he's like i'm we're hanging out we're talking to bruce campbell and next thing you know he's goosing me and pinching

you know

like it's a concern i don't know when he's gonna snap

and he's so big i mean you know you gotta let him do it yeah like if he if i'm like standing there and he just jumps on my back you gotta let him finish maybe that was a college thing no choice you think so fratty kind of thing

where the uh where the guys where they're like they're constantly like licking each other's balls or doing something gay they're playing college they're playing gay twister.

Like these hazing things.

Yeah, they like these hazing things that

frat guys get into.

They're always doing something gay, bro.

They always are like, you have to be naked to do this.

What about a jizz cook?

I think you're watching just a gay porno that was set in a college.

I don't think those

are real frat guys.

Is that what it was?

Yeah.

Because there's no way that they're making the underclassmen lick.

Dude, they fucking kids die from hazing rituals and shit, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, they're making them do.

Even to this day, Somebody just died.

They like, they did something.

They like put mare all over his whole body.

No, they weren't like involved.

Oh, but I kind of made that up a little bit.

Um, a little, but you've heard of you've heard of the Jewish,

you've heard of like the frat guys all like gather around one big cookie and they all jerk off and they come on the cookie.

Isn't that what limp biscuit is all about?

I that's what limp biscuit means.

I've heard of the cookie.

You come on the cookie, and then the last person to come has to eat it.

He's the he's been on a college campus for how many years?

Uh, eight years now.

Have you heard of any shit like this?

Frank, wipe the corner of your your mouth quick.

I've heard of it.

I don't know if it's really going on, but I heard about it when I was in college.

People would say, oh, you know, that's what cookie is.

And I mean, I don't know anybody that ever partook in it, but.

Right.

I think these are urban myths.

I don't think so, man.

I don't think they're urban.

Can you imagine, though?

Tom Phillips directed a movie called Frat House back in the...

I think it was back in the early 90s.

Extremely difficult to find.

And it really does hammer home like the toxic masculinity, frat boy behavior.

We got bullshit frat.

Like, uh, yeah, it's, it's really interesting, but not widely available.

Um, and it sort of shows like what the frat life is like.

I never got that because it's like they're making you do all these crazy things to prove yourself as being worthy to be friends with somebody.

I mean, is there anybody that you would want to be friends with enough that you would lick balls?

Not lick balls, but I think we all fucking are desperate for the attentions of one man that we do shit.

Well, it's like footballs.

I feel like if it's like, yeah, the new Patreon show is called licking balls, I'm like, I guess that's what we're doing.

I guess we're licking balls.

No, he's not going to do it.

He's just going to get us to do it.

Changes the rules midway.

He's got to lick more balls now.

You didn't get the tape.

There's a world of difference between like eating a hot dog off a belt and actually

putting tongue to two fucking scrotum.

There's no, there's not even, it's not even close.

No, I guess.

There's not, it's not even close.

Like you said, I think that so wearing a kiss mask, reviewing music you hate, not nearly as bad as Luckin Balls.

I wouldn't want to be in that fraternity, though.

No, who would

I be like?

Like, once they told me this is what you got to do, I would be like, okay, I don't know.

I'll be in the car.

I'm dropping out.

I don't really like cookies.

Yeah, I'm a college dropout immediately.

Right.

You know, no doubt.

Do Do you think we can get Jimmy to eat a cookie?

I, yes.

Jimmy the hair guy.

No, he can't eat shit.

Oh, that's true.

You're right.

I don't even think he needs to eat half a cookie.

Saltine.

Come on, Jimmy.

We're going to play saltine.

I will say this about Jimmy.

I saw on Instagram the other day, I saw a post and it was about Jimmy the hair guy.

And there was like one or two people that were sort of ragging about him.

No.

You're like, come on, man.

Like, you don't have to give every fucking oddball you find a show.

To which I say, like, look, we don't add people often, but when we do, there's always a value to these people.

And there is a value to a guy who's so fucked up that he would spend $2,000 on another man's hair.

Like, and then you're like, okay, he's fucking covered from head to toe in tats.

Okay, he's this weird collector.

Okay, he looks like he hasn't changed his clothes since 1995.

You know,

they're so dated, but I'm like, this is a valuable guy.

Like, you have to see that.

I think that comes from jealousy.

Someone who posted that is like,

like, they want to have their own show right why not me yeah why jimmy the hair and i get it i get it that but that's jealousy that's the green monster is that what they call it yeah green-eyed the one-eyed monster yeah the green-eyed monster

one-eyed monster one-eyed monster

get merry as i say it

but yeah that's our weekend if you're if you're interested though we're going to uh kmart the last operating kmart new jersey let's not even yeah we're gonna look maybe we'll look for a flea market while we're up there and indoor one, and then we gotta rush back like madmen to

game.

But, you know, I'm not really looking forward to the game all that much.

It's the taking of pounding, so it's probably just watching going to be like watching a funeral.

Right.

Doesn't sound a lot of fun.

I might consider it if I can find acid so I can dose everybody in the car and then we go to Kmart.

Everybody's tripping.

This is the best place in the world.

Why do we need acid to go?

We're fucking going.

We don't need acid to go.

No, but once you're there, you'll enjoy it more because of all the colors.

We'll enjoy every minute of it.

You will.

Straight edge.

That's what I don't understand.

The straight edge shit, I do not get it.

We're going to live vicariously through Mary because this is her favorite store.

Oh, is it?

So watching her just walk through and look at all those piles of cheap shoes.

And then most of them in the aisles because they stopped putting shit on the shelves five years ago.

So, you know, that's going to bring us happiness is watching the smile on her face.

And I think this is the first thing since we've been paling around that, like,

that we're doing that she wants to do.

It seems like she just comes along for the ride.

That's been the story of my life.

She's just hooked herself to my way.

I'm happy to do this because, you know.

Yeah, was

Deb fucking was Deb begging you to go to all these auctions and malls and all this shit back in the day?

No.

She didn't want to go.

She went along because she wanted to go.

She went along because I wanted to go, but like.

I'm certainly not interested in a Kmart.

I'm only interested in the funny aspect of the way.

What's it going to be?

Yeah, I know.

The last one.

There's a certain like novelty or oddity to it,

to going to the last operating Kmart because

it's almost like, you know, it's historic.

Yeah.

Don't you think?

It's not going to be there forever.

It may not even be there by the end of the weekend.

So we better get up there right after we can.

I actually turn the microphone to probably call to make sure it's going to be there tomorrow.

Yeah, there's one in New Jersey.

Then there's another one in New York close by, like Stanton Island, Long Island, one of the islands, I guess.

And then the third one is in Florida.

We're hoping there's one of the old-fashioned luncheon net in there, too.

So we're going to have lunch.

Oh, the diner, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah.

We can roll.

We're not Bruce Campbell.

It's not Bruce Campbell level.

Yeah.

But, you know,

one of these things is not like the other.

He was just saying out loud.

Speaking of the Bruce Campbell thing.

So Q is in preacher mode.

He's like, he goes from like, oh, these people around here, give him a couple of drinks.

And then he's in the the thick of it.

He's in the middle of all these.

And it was a very young crowd.

Like, most of these people are probably no older than 24.

Like, they were all young.

So he and Troy go in and they throw themselves into the mix.

And

his Troy's wife went with him too.

Me and me and Mary Beth.

It was just so loud.

We went outside.

We were kind of hanging out.

But then I guess Meryl was, you know, his wife was a little bit lit too.

Follow Meryl's cookies on Instagram.

She was a little bit lit too.

So Q's preaching to this one guy.

Like, oh, wait, first, this was fucking funny.

Oh, this was really funny.

We, um, so when we were doing shots with Bruce Campbell, he like had all these plastic cups.

They were like, I don't know, like beer cups or something.

Yeah, like food service cups.

So he pours us drinks in them, and you know, we drink the drinks.

I wasted probably 95% of the tequila.

I'm like, I am not drinking this.

I got to drive home.

Like, it was, it was like that much.

It was like a quarter of a bottle.

Yeah, pure tequila.

I was like, no fucking way.

You drank it, right?

Well, I had a she had, you had to talk into the mic.

We can't have conversations with people across the room.

Don't worry about her.

Stop talking to her.

Yeah.

But so Q was very like, he carried his cup around and he drank the rest.

And then he was like

enamored with the cup.

He's like, Bruth Campbell gave me this cup.

Like, I'm keeping this, man.

I should keep this, right?

He's going, and we're like, yeah, you should keep it.

So has that not been beaten out of him by now?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I mean, how is that not like, how is that just that whole

aspect of like,

I mean, it must be the alcohol right yeah it's gotta be yeah loosen's a social lubricant right yeah um

so

so q's carrying this cup around he's getting his drinks in this cup now and um earlier when we went to the restaurant the first time every all the staff took pictures with q and they're all excited and shit and like all guys all these guys are giddy the one girl that worked there was like daddy was like why don't i take a picture with that girl she's hot and she had no interest in him didn't care at all it was all guys

so when we go back to the restaurant, and Q's walking around with his cup, and he puts it on the bar, and Mary Beth and I are like, Let's walk away from the bar.

It's too crowded.

Let's go sit at a table over there.

So, when we walk away,

Mary Beth takes Q's cup and we go sit across the room.

And then we see Q like, looking for it.

He's lost his cup.

What?

There was a moment of time where talking to the mic, goddammit.

What did you do?

Believe this shit?

Embarrassing.

Yeah.

Embarrassing.

There was some time between, though he didn't realize it was gone.

Right.

There was a little bit of time that he didn't realize it was gone.

But then when he does realize it's gone, he's looking around.

My cup.

Rupert, cut that part out, okay?

He's looking around for the cup.

Meribeth has it.

We're like, oh, he's looking for the cup.

He can't find it.

And he's looking all over and you see him talking to staff and shit.

The next thing you know, you see the staff like

feverishly, like as if it's somebody's lost child, looking all over the place for this fucking cup that cue's lost.

And then they're like, they pull the garbage.

It's just like a solo cup.

No, no, it's like a plastic cup.

Like a, like, you know, you go to Disney and you get a souvenir cup, something like that.

But it's like, what did it have, like a beer on the side of the name of it, or some company?

Yeah, food service company.

It was,

it wasn't like a little bit.

It wasn't like Bruce's Bruce Campbell's face.

No,

it was nothing like that.

It was just a cup.

What's in front of you?

But just a little bit.

It was plastic.

It was plastic, but like, I have as much attachment to that cup as I do to the one Bruce Campbell.

Okay.

Q is not that way.

So

then we're watching Q and he's looking around.

He's talking to the staff and the staff's looking all over the place.

And then they pull out this huge garbage can.

And the one kid like plunges his arm down into it.

Like, first they look at Top, then he plunges his arm down to it.

He's like fishing around in the garbage can.

He pulls it out.

He's got mustard all over his arm.

What Q even wanted then?

Yeah.

Oh, he wanted it.

He wanted it.

And then like, I think Troy and his wife both worked in restaurants at one point, and they thought that what Mary Beth and I were doing was a little bit too sadistic for the

staff.

Like they thought it was mean that we were having them dig through the garbage.

So like Troy went over and was like, they have it.

Like Mary Beth and Brian have the cup.

And Q has said to the people people, he's like, I'm sorry, my friends are assholes.

But that's funny, the fact that they would like just hop to it and like look for it.

If I was like, I lost my cup, where is it?

They would be like, you're 86.

Get the fuck out of here.

They wouldn't give a shit at all.

But Q, I'm telling you, it was like

he lost his child in there or he lost his wallet or something.

The way they're digging around for this fucking garbage.

Total garbage.

Remember, was it when we were on that trip, the Grand Canyon trip?

Didn't you lose your wallet?

I never had a wallet in my life.

I was going to say, you have a wallet because we had to go all the way back to the restaurant.

We were calling.

It was my phone.

Oh, the phone.

Okay.

That's the same thing.

All right.

Remember, you lost your phone and then you called the person and they didn't even walk over to the, he goes, we were sitting in this booth.

You know, can you go and check?

And they didn't even walk over to the booth

to see if his phone was really care.

We had to drive back to the place.

You're just going to have to come back and look.

We can't look for it.

We don't have time to look.

So that's the difference.

And there you go.

That's the difference.

Seeable difference.

So I thought that was really funny.

But then like Troy's wife had a couple.

And this guy that Q was talking to, Q was in like, I've lived, like, this kid's like 20 years old.

You know, I'll get a girlfriend until you're 30.

Do this, do that.

And he's like.

chewing this kid's ear.

He will not let this kid go.

And the kid's like, I want to, you know, he's like, I've been singing since I was two.

I want to be a music producer, all this other shit.

So Q walks away at a certain point.

And

Troy's wife is like, sing me a song.

And he's like, what?

She's like, yeah, sing for me.

You said you can sing, sing.

I want you to prove yourself.

She's going.

She fucking harassed this kid.

And whatever is self-esteem Q built up was immediately eroded by Meryl's treatment of this kid, who she goes, you're never going to make it.

If you can't sing a song for me, you'll never make it.

He's never going to make it.

She's going, like talking to us.

Yeah, you suck, she kept saying, You suck, man.

And the kid was like, Okay, you sure Troy is gonna want this in?

Too bad, man.

This is life.

This is the way things go.

Walt's on the rotor is saying, I might not leave this in if I had final cut.

I thought it was funny.

Yeah, yeah, I thought it was funny.

It could be funny, but but the kids are bartenders, so he knew.

Like, the kids are bartenders, so he knew.

Like, he's like, I'm used to

dealing with people who had had one too many, you know.

So, that's that.

That was it.

It's just like she had had one too many.

Okay.

She's a fun drunk, though.

I like her.

Like, she was at the wedding and she was drunk there.

She was really fun.

She was a lot of fun.

I love her.

I think she's awesome.

Yeah.

She was like dancing a lot, like at the wedding, I remember.

And even if nobody else was dancing, she was just dancing

in the dance floor by herself.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She was funny.

Yeah.

Let me see here.

Oh, wait.

You're our second guest.

So, yeah, I wanted to.

In the new direction of TSD, so you're following

Joe DeRosa.

Joe DeRosa.

So this is.

So it's taking a nosedive already.

That's what I'm hearing.

You're way down.

Oh, no.

I thought this is great.

I mean,

follow Joe DeRosa is pretty fucking sweet.

I think so.

I don't know how sweet everybody else is going to think it's going to be, but I mean, you know.

I didn't get to ask Joe my questions.

So I was.

Oh, you didn't?

maybe I could ask you, I saw some criticism that Q and I were like a little bit too vocal and didn't give you a chance to speak.

No, not at all.

No.

No, it just didn't, it was like, it didn't come up naturally, but like I had, because I've seen some critiquing of TSD is that we don't know how to do interviews.

Right.

Like we don't know how to do it.

Like that's not our forte.

Stick to what you know.

You're not Joe Rogan.

Oh, we're not?

No.

No.

Mary Beth, check our bank account.

Am I Joe Rogan?

Well, I thought I I was.

We don't have the interviewing skills of a Joe Rogan.

Of course we don't.

It's our friend.

He's hanging out with us, assholes.

That's the fucking way it goes.

It's like, it's not going to be a straight.

So, Joe, how did you get into comedy?

Let's keep this dry and fucking boring as fuck.

But those were comments being thrown around before the episode even dropped, though.

They didn't have faith in us.

They didn't have faith in us.

So when they saw the interview, they were like, see?

I don't know about that, but I had some questions for Joe.

Let me do a quick hand read first and then we'll get into it.

I think they can apply to Frank Five.

Sure.

oh i'm being when did you first know you were funny

never

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Like, I want to see that shit on my Instagram feed.

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Take from that what you will.

Freight.

Yeah.

I think that's their.

The only people who could handle my load.

Yeah.

Do you think maybe,

Frank, you could get, you could be like the spokesperson?

This is an aunt, and they might need a spokesperson.

You might not be able to get that much money, but like you're on the side of every chuck and be like, they're the only ones that could handle my load.

Oh, I would love it.

Yeah.

They might get fired from that position, though, if like, you know, if somebody reports it.

No, I'm tenured now.

They can't

fire me.

Let me tell you, if they haven't fired me yet, they're not going to from some of the stuff I've done.

Really?

Wow.

You want to hear about that, Frank.

Well, we got to wait for the hotel.

Wait, the mics aren't hot.

Or the next one, two, three.

I've always

dreamed of working

for a shipping company like that.

Me too, but I don't want to work in the warehouse.

I want to deliver stuff to people.

I want to be like, here's your stuff.

And they're like, oh, thank you.

And they're happy.

Sometimes they might even give you a tip.

I'd be like Doug Heffernan.

I think that that's where

there's too much responsibility because, you know, for me?

Yeah, because you're going to be the one on the front lines.

It shows up and you deliver it and you want to create it and it's damaged.

Who's going to hear about it?

You, you know, regardless of if you didn't do the damage or not.

But like, you know, just working in the, you know, with the guys in the warehouse, you know, with your.

That's a blue-collar manly job.

Yeah, with your name on your job.

Embroidered on the, above the pocket.

That's what I've always wanted to do.

I wonder if Tiger could get her.

No, I just like maybe just like a temporary position to see if I like it.

Well, how about you just get the shirt?

If Tiger could send us some shirts with our names embroidered on them.

That would be awesome.

That I would love.

It'd be cool to go work there for a day.

Oh, I'd give it more than a day.

I did it.

I love that job.

I was a delivery person

for a company, and I loved it.

I imagine you're also not going to be delivering by yourself either.

You're probably a two-person.

Why?

Why try to go out alone?

If something is...

That's maybe Christmas time, but regular season.

I think if something needs to be freighted, it's rather large then.

You're not delivering like

boxes and shit.

Big loads.

You've got to handle big loads.

Right.

Mary Beth, you should work for them.

I'm complimenting myself out at her as a load stealer.

So, what do you got for Frank?

Let's ask him some shit.

Well, I mean, what I had for Joe.

Are these broing?

Not really for Frank.

I didn't.

What makes Joe DeRosa tick?

Well, what makes Frank tick?

What makes it?

Or you can speculate on what makes Joe Darsa?

Because we heard the pot on the way down in Miraga.

I want to hear what makes, you know, what makes me tick.

Yeah, what makes me tick.

Joe DeRosa, it's ketamine and child porn.

Don't even joke about that for me.

Just joking.

I know we're on video now.

Just joking.

I don't know.

I think what makes me tick, I'm somebody who I think I'm a loyal person.

I think I enjoy living in the moment.

I like to have fun.

I'm not.

This is not a job interview.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, I'm a hard worker.

I handle big loads.

What's your biggest weakness?

This doesn't, none of those answers apply to what makes you tick, though.

That's like, what gets you excited?

You don't know what makes you tick.

Not being like, oh my God, I'm so fucking loyal.

I don't know then.

I mean, what makes me tick?

Like,

I don't even know how to answer that.

Like, I

don't know.

Pass.

All right, let's go on to the next one then.

Joe DeRosa at no point was like, I don't know.

What keeps Joe DeRosa up at night?

What keeps Joe DeRosa slash Frank five up at night?

From where I said it's the peeking neighbor's windows.

What keeps me up at night?

I'm just not a sound sleeper.

I just text people.

All right.

What the fuck?

All right.

You mean what makes me worry?

All right.

You know what keeps me up at night?

I'm going to tell you.

Worry.

I worry about the way the world is going.

I am afraid of

the fact that I'm getting older.

Like I look in the mirror.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Is this what you wanted?

Is this what you needed?

This is what you want to exploit.

Exploit.

I'm like texting like a 15-year-old girl.

That's not an answer.

I wonder what Troy's doing.

Yeah, like I'm worried about all that stuff.

Like, you know,

now,

you know, I'm 50 years old.

And it's like, I look in the mirror and now you start facing your own mortality.

You know, that stuff keeps me up at night.

Do I have enough?

Yeah.

Well, it's happened.

God, it started happening back in my 40s.

But, you know, it's like, am I going to have enough time to still do everything that I want to do?

There's so many more Kmart stories.

There's at least six.

This is how you're fucking spending it then.

What a waste.

Jesus.

Every day is if it's your last.

All right, let's go to Kmart.

What did I mention?

It's one of the last ones.

You're tossing and turning about these big life,

you know, moments that you're having.

Yeah.

And then, like, you know, you you know, then maybe something more like lofty than the Kmart is

should be on the horizon then, right?

I guess.

I don't know.

You were going to hoe when I mentioned it before.

I'm on the milk on hoe, but I'm not tossing it.

I don't know.

Maybe let's go.

You know what?

Why don't we go protest something then?

All right, and you want the next one?

I guess.

Who is Frank Five Celebrity Crush?

Ooh, that's easy.

I have two.

Joe DeRosa.

No.

Selma Hayek.

And

Dogma, right?

Yeah.

Kurt Selma Hayek.

I'll take any Selma Hayek.

Kurt Vera's pretty good.

Yeah, she is.

And

I can't, I'm going to butcher the name.

She's on Modern Family, the

Sophia Veraga.

Sophia Virago.

Yeah.

Regara or something.

Yeah, those are my two celebrity crushes.

You like the foreign

lassies, huh?

Yeah, I like that, you know.

Looks when baby got back.

Yes, I do.

And front, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, does it, does it, uh, does it, does Miss Five know this?

She's in the room.

Does she know that these are your celebrity crushes?

No, we never talk about anything like this.

We never talk about anything good.

I don't even know.

Like, cool.

Do you have a celebrity crush, Miss Five?

As I say, that's great.

I can report back.

She didn't have to come all the way over to see though.

But does it bother mrs mrs five that both of your celebrity crushes are latinics and she's about as white as the driven snow i don't know does it bother you no doesn't bother you think there's no chance well we'll see about that we'll see

who do you think you could win over sophia vagaro or selma hygiene if you if if i if i had any chance any chance and you're trying to win them over who do you think you got a better shot with sophia yeah because selma i think is married to like a billionaire okay so there's i have no shot yeah And Sophia probably has hardly any money, right?

I would imagine that she would look at me and my 19, you know, my 1980 DeLorean, and she'd be like, I don't want to get that.

How quickly does the DeLorean drop happen when you're talking to her?

Before I even introduce myself.

I'm wearing the shirt and the head.

That would get her.

It's all coming up, Frank.

Maybe she wants to go to Kmart.

No, wait.

She does have a fucking celebrity crush.

Didn't she say something about that guy on Law and Order once?

Did she?

I think.

Jerry Orbach?

No, yeah, Jerry Orbach.

Oh, Mary?

No, the other guy.

He's still on it.

Christopher Maloney.

That's who she mentioned.

You know what?

I thought it was that prince that moved to America.

I love how you guys know so much about my wife that I don't know anymore.

I don't know if she's ever come out and said it, but I always suspected that she was into the princes because she's so into the royal thing.

There's no other reason to be that into it unless you're like, I really like him.

He's cute.

He's dreamy.

yeah you could be right i want to be i want to be prince charles's tampon

because you know what she gets very like argumentative over the megan markle thing like if i see the one married to megan markle prince harry yeah that's the one i think because she she was very like protective of him

she was talking shit about her

because i was like oh you know i don't think she's all that bad yes she is and she did this and she like can't find whenever i see something about the royals it always makes me think of Mrs.

Five and it always lowers my estimation of her just a little.

I'm like, she's so cool.

How is she into this stupid shit?

Like, I really like your wife a lot.

She's nice.

But the Royal stuff, I'm like, I don't get it.

Well, she's a huge fan.

You guys will have a lot to talk about of the little house.

Well, we live because this is what we were going to tell you.

How far away is it?

Two hours?

Three and a half hours we live away from where the original little house person lived lived in real life.

Oh, this is based on the real fancy.

That's a real thing.

Yeah, it's a real person.

Wow, I didn't know that.

Yeah.

Very drinks.

Yeah.

She dragged me to it once.

She went on the tour and everything.

I watched a video on YouTube of the little house.

Like you go see the little house, I think it's in Kansas somewhere.

And then they also have the gift shop.

And I was thinking, like, imagine if we had driven out to this fucking thing.

That would have been.

Like the little house place.

We would have done it.

I mean, I would stop by if it was on the way, but it looks so boring.

It's in the middle of nowhere.

I don't know if you had gone home

at this point, but we drove like two hours out of the way to see an ice cream store that had clowns in it, like

marionette clowns.

No, I don't think we were.

So we would have been dying for the house.

Yeah, a little house with a massive.

This place rocks.

This place is awesome.

Yeah, we saw it in the weird, the weird state app that there was an ice cream shop that had a whole bunch of clowns and motif.

Really?

Yeah, and it wasn't as cool and then we all felt obligated to buy something because we were the only ones in there and i was scared to eat any dairy on the trip because right you know you know sometimes i'm dairy isn't me have a great relationship other times dairy's dairy's my i'm dairy's bitch

dairy ponzo

i got another one frank right

um

if

Joe DeRosa were, well, no, if Frank Five were a dog, what breed would you be?

I like German Shepherds.

I would probably be a German Shepherd.

Yeah, anything so strong, loyal.

I'm going back to my first question.

Intimidating, though?

I can be intimidating.

Intimidating sort of they have kind of a

sweetheart, though.

I can do the teacher face and start yelling and getting people nervous.

I mean, people try all the students.

But that's just like, you're just like a chihuahua and then nobody takes that seriously.

Yeah.

They all are like, nope, he's maneutered.

He's all barking, no bite.

Like Troy's a German Shepherd.

Troy's a German shepherd.

Oh, yeah, he's anything with like Troy's guarding the, he's like helping the Roman guards and shit.

He just got done saying he was all giddy over celebrities.

I'm not doing that.

We just told Gidam that he does not have it in him to be a security guard anymore.

He's thinking about going back to the security game and meet Walter.

Like, dude, don't even try it.

He's something nobody gives a fuck about.

You're like that.

What's those little, those hot dog dogs are so dachshunded?

I think I'm a wiener dog.

Yeah.

I'm not a wiener dog.

He's like one of Joe Gatto's dogs with like the fun teeth and the tongue hanging out and the eyes going in.

Somebody rescued me.

He's that friendly dog that you want to scratch his back and

just play with him.

Quickly walk around because the red rocket is out like that.

As you're walking up, I'm getting attention.

It's out already.

You got to walk your leg.

Oh, shit, Frank.

You're the type of dog that people will walk up to and engage with.

You're not a German Shepherd.

Most people are not going to engage with a German Shepherd because they're just not, they're leery of it.

Yeah.

Yeah, which is a good thing.

That's like, that's a great trait.

I wouldn't mind being a Dash Hound.

You know what?

So you don't think I'm intimidating whatsoever.

No.

People are

like, people see you, they're like, I hope he doesn't piddle on my carpet.

They're not afraid of getting attacked.

No, like, if you're, I'm talking, he's not tough.

He's just incontinent.

He's old, you know.

Got him a wee weep head.

In terms of like being a German Shepherd, no, but like, but I'm sure, yeah, you could be intimidating, but like, not German Shepherd levels.

Like, it could be one of those dogs that you're like, maybe not quite sure about, but you're like, I'll give it a shot.

I'll approach him.

He looks friendly.

His tail's wagging.

Yeah.

He looks friendly.

Yeah.

All right.

I guess that's a compliment.

Well, it's still friendly.

Like, I'd rather have, I'd rather take that dog home.

Nobody likes the mean dogs that bite people.

Junkyard dog?

Yeah.

You think you're a junkyard dog?

You think you should be like chained to a piece of heavy machinery on like a leash this big because you're so dangerous.

I thought I was dangerous.

I thought I was gangster.

I thought I was gang, Mayor.

How many of you pen close on the Italian shit?

Nobody takes you for a mobster.

It's like nice guy Frankie.

That would be your nickname.

God, that makes me feel so bad

because I want to be tough.

No,

I want to be tough.

You know, I almost ran a mile once in six minutes.

So you'd rather walk into a room and have everybody be on edge than rather walk into a room and have everybody be like, oh my God, Frank's here.

Who right now I walk into a room and nobody says anything.

So I'll be happy with anything if I walk into a room.

That fast is how do you get in here?

I don't mean it as a slight at all.

No.

Not at all.

I'm sure it didn't sound like it.

You said I was going to we all over everything.

That was him.

You said I was going to we all over everything.

I never mentioned we.

I was like, you're the dog that I would take home and be like, we're going to adopt him.

Isn't he adorable?

Isn't he friendly?

I let you sleep on the bed.

Really?

That's more than Mary.

When I was young, I used to deliver a newspaper and one of the houses had this golden retriever puppy, really cool little puppy named Kelly.

But every time she came out, she would get excited and start pissing all over the place.

And then her tail would hit the piss and like hit it like all over.

So it would spray your legs and shit.

That's what you remind me.

All right.

So I'm Kelly, the golden retriever that pisses on me to sell.

Just so excited to see people and happy and friendly.

That's you.

Okay.

Embrace it.

All right.

I'll embrace it.

Mayor, you agree?

I was going to say golden retriever.

Golden retriever.

There you go.

You're all nuts.

Golden retriever.

That's it.

Golden retriever.

You giving a golden shouter.

I don't think you

never seen me go off.

That's why.

It's true.

You know,

I internalize a lot.

I know.

You should be ready.

Join the streets.

You should be ready to explode.

Any minute.

I'm from the streets, yo.

Frank,

what is

something that isn't free, but should be?

Garbage service.

Motherfuckers make motherfuckers make me making me pay for bags and shit.

They should be taking that.

So

healthcare.

Oh, well,

he came up with garbage service so quickly, too, yeah.

Because that's what's affecting me at the moment.

Like, I always threw half a blink, and he goes, garbage service?

Yeah, I i guess healthcare would be good that would probably be a number two probably probably help more people than garbage service it probably would it probably you know what i do i put my garbage in the garbage can and i wheel it down to the street and then i don't think about it anymore i don't obsess over it and drive it around all night and stink up my car

the last time we came to new jersey i had garbage that we were going to dump before we got here and we both totally forgot about it.

The garbage sat in the back seat the whole weekend.

We pulled back into the house.

Like this is after three days.

We're like, we we never threw the garbage away we drove around with this thing in the back seat for three days

i think that like

no matter what the situation is like you could be i don't care what happens to you like what crisis you're going through if someone's like frank what days do the garbage get picked up you if you could answer it oh yeah like no matter what you're going through like like you could have dementia and you could be like frank oh yeah

i won't know who mary is but i'll know that i could bring it on thursdays to this street on Tuesdays on that street.

Mary says it constantly.

She goes, I don't know what we're going to do when we're older.

You're obsessing about garbage constantly.

It's only going to get worse.

A number of times that I say to Mary Beth, like, fuck, I forgot to put the garbage out because that's how little I think about it.

So you need me to be your neighbor, then I take care of your garbage for you.

Well, that'd be awesome.

Really?

I would take care of everybody's garbage.

I mow my neighbor's lawn too.

I'm a nice guy.

But no, fuck my hardcore.

I'm hardcore while I do it.

All right, I got some more that I would have asked, Joe.

What do people misunderstand about you the most?

They think I'm too nice.

What is wrong with being a nice guy in 2023?

I don't want to be such a hard guy.

You know, like not, you know, like who I want to be.

Like, if I had to pick another celebrity, well, not crutch, but like Liam Neeson.

Like, he's a tough dude.

He's an actor, though.

You think he's really tough in real life?

I think he's tough in real life.

No way.

It's just the roles he's been given.

You think so?

Yeah, like Schindler, right?

He's a tough son of a bitch.

I think, yeah.

So I think, what else is misunderstood?

You know what else is misunderstood about me that Mrs.

Five and I argue a lot.

We don't argue a lot in real life.

Yeah, I got a text from Frank Five.

He was out with a couple and he did not like the way the husband was joking around with his wife, you know, joking around.

And it was so evident that you were like, oh my God, is that what I'm like?

And you were like, I'm going to back off the teasing and shit.

Have you done so?

Have you stuck to that?

Well, this is the first time we've been on the air.

Oh, you mean, but in real life?

Oh, I thought you were making that

in real life.

Yeah, that's right.

You were going to stop.

You're saying just on the air.

That's pattern.

Yeah, we don't.

really do that too.

Well, I guess we do do it.

Oh, she just left the room anyway.

So

I guess in real life too, yeah.

Yeah.

You know, that's misunderstood.

That's misunderstood, I think.

A lot of people think.

Which is your fault, it is my fault, it is my fault.

The other thing people don't understand, too, and she'll admit this: is believe it or not, I'm the romantic one in the family.

Oh, yeah, I was the one who saved the movie ticket from our first date, I was the one who saved the miniature golf card from our first date, and then when I proposed to her, I had it made into a little collagy kind of thing, and the ring was the ring was there in this little um Faberge egg that I made.

Sounds like you should have been hanging out with Troy,

But, you know, her.

Wait a minute, you made a Faberge egg?

Well, I had somebody do it.

But her, she didn't remember when our first date was.

She, you know, I remember the very first time I, oh, my, I told her I loved her.

You know what she said to me?

Thank you.

And then went in the house.

Again, this is why, this is why, when you're wondering, like, I can't believe people don't think I'm a German Shepherd.

This is why you're lovable.

You're like, you know, that's.

So you're saying she's more of a German Shepherd?

No.

Probably.

She probably is.

but more than you yeah

i i still hear to this day the the first date that marybeth and i went out it was a uh joe's crab shack and the drink that i got came with a little plastic shark in it so when the uh when the they came to clear away the shit i just of course i just give them everything and she was too ashamed to say she wanted to keep the shark as a memento from the first date oh did you ever get it

Did you ever get the, you never got the drink?

I shared the drink.

Never got the shark.

No.

Why don't you go back to the just go get a different shark?

There, they were.

It would have been the same.

Yeah, I should have been like, hey, my girl fucking lost.

The shark of the curve can mustard on you.

What superpower do you wish?

Invisibility.

Invisibility.

Oh, yeah.

Because I would love to spy on people.

I knew you would abuse it.

I knew it.

I went right to it.

I watch people do it.

Yeah, I'd go to the casino and I'd take chips.

I would totally abuse it.

See, that's why we're not given superpowers by God.

He knows we would abuse them all.

You think so?

He knows there's nobody who would fight the good fight with their powers.

See, no nice person would do that, though.

That's only hardcore.

Yeah.

That is pretty hardcore.

It's pretty hardcore.

But it's

not that.

It's actually though, like, if, like, say, he got caught, like, say he's not invisible, he gets caught doing these things and going to jail.

Nobody there is like, oh, he's hardcore.

No, but that's not hardcore.

What are you in for?

Murder?

What are you in for?

I took the garbage someplace I wasn't supposed to.

I was peeping at my neighbor.

Peeping at my neighbor.

My last one, I would have asked last week, what is your spiciest opinion that most people disagree with?

Now, I don't, I didn't, I didn't come up with this one.

Remember, this, your answer could jeopardize your tenure.

No, I've tenured already.

I don't even know what that means.

Like, what's your spiciest opinion?

Basically, oh, your spiciest opinion that most people disagree with.

I believe that

like prostitution, I think, should be legal.

That's kind of spicy, don't you think?

Yeah, it is.

I agree with it.

Mary Beth agrees with it.

Rip, what do you think?

He agrees with it.

Mary, what do you think?

Prostitution is legal.

It's prostitution.

Yeah, she guesses too.

The only dissenting opinion I think you're going to have is Father Flanagan here.

So that's not that straightforward.

I am totally on the fence on this one.

I think there's a lot of people who

would,

if it was not stigmatized, would benefit, you know, would who need prostitutes.

Yeah.

It would be healthier for them to, you know, be able to to get their rocks off once in a while.

Goes along with that.

But

what about the prostitute, though?

What kind of price is she paying for this

long term and down the road?

That's up to her.

Of course it is up to her, but it doesn't mean that

there may be some horrific scars because somebody is like faced with like

they think a situation of like, well, I don't have it, I can't do anything else.

I got to do this or I need to, I don't have any other skills or for whatever reason, they fall into this.

I think the uh, I think the ramifications of choosing that as your occupation are going to be pretty profound as you go on.

Um, I think,

I think, though, I would rationalize it personally by being like, well, they're doing what they want to do, and I'm not, I wouldn't solicit a prostitute anyway.

So,

I mean, I kind of married one,

but that's what you get for making that noise.

So, like, I wouldn't feel any personal guilt about these women's lives.

And I think if you want to become

no, no, no.

I mean, yes, like as the John, like, since I'm not a John, I would be like, well, I'm not contributing to any mental scars.

Like, they're, they're, they're doing their own thing.

They're doing what they want to do.

Just like I wouldn't want them to tell me I couldn't do something.

I'm like, if you want to sell your body for money, that's totally up to you.

And I think if you're going to do that, you're going to do it anyway.

Legal prostitution might make it a a little bit easier, but like, because you look at OnlyFans and like all these girls who have OnlyFans pages and shit, um,

it's like that's about as close as it comes, I think, to like legal prostitution right now.

But it's, it's, what is it, religious shit, still holding it back?

Yeah,

it's like, if you, I mean, they did it with pot.

If, if you, you know, you go to a dispensary, it's not, it should be the same as going to a bordello, you know, like everybody's checked out for diseases, everybody's consenting, everyone's like got their marbles, there's no guns in there, you know.

Oh, I don't think that they'll ever be able to regulate it to not have diseases or.

Well, if you're regulating it, no, of course you're going to like, just like with weed, it's like, I can still go buy weed from a dealer.

I'm not necessarily, I don't necessarily need to buy it at a dispensary.

And the same with prostitution.

It's like you buy a prostitute that's like, you know, off menu, then yeah, you're going to run the risk of getting sick.

But if you're like, you have a state.

and or federal uh like on the outskirts of vegas you want the you want the government to get involved into the process of it.

Something like this, I think they probably need to.

Yeah, something like that, I think they need to, just for the health concerns.

I don't know.

Look, I'm not for government is fucking way too fucking.

Don't make it so it's a crime, but I also don't know if the government is who you want.

You know, they couldn't even run the post office.

You're right.

DMPs are like that.

That's all I had.

Those are all the questions for

Joe.

Well, thank you, guys.

It was great being here.

Great introduction, by the way.

Yeah, we had leftover questions for the second guest.

Well, as long as we're done with that, I'm going to talk about Miundis a little bit.

Frank, did you get any Miundis yet?

I have not gotten Miundis yet.

Do it.

I don't know if I'll see you tomorrow, see you before the weekend's over.

If not, I'm going to send you some.

Okay.

They're mediums.

I hope you're a medium.

I don't know.

I might not.

They used to fit me when I was a medium, but they don't anymore.

Wait, are they?

No, they're bags.

They're plastic bags.

When was the last time you treated yourself to something quality?

Look, Frank, we're not calling you basic, but it feels like quality things are sometimes out of reach.

And now that Miundi's is available on the Miundi's website, Amazon, and in Nordstrom stores.

Well, this is a new development.

Yeah, you don't have to choose between quality and convenience.

They ain't gonna need TSD after this.

No, but I don't know if they're gonna get this.

Nordstrom's just too high-end, but Amazon, yeah,

if they've made their in-ways into those big fucking huge corporations, yeah,

yeah, this might be the last Miyundi spot that they're doing.

You know what?

What was that mattress company?

What was that mattress company?

Casper.

That's Casper.

As soon as Casper went into Target, he didn't have any more cash flows.

Oh, shit.

Well, look for the Myundies.

Don't do this.

Don't let the door.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

Don't let the door hit your Miundis on the way out.

Oh, my God.

They're offering 25% off plus free shipping on your first order when you order through their website.

And the undies are ripe for the taking.

You're not going to get 25% off on fucking.

Can the missus try to lock us into a lifetime contract with Miundis real quick?

quick you can try okay yeah yeah reading this man i'm fucking nervous

we'll through the rest okay well

23 lockdown but we'll see if we can get at least until 2050 lockdown yeah

like go in with such a low ball offer that they're like we we have to sign this contract yeah like it like like 25 bucks

a year

um so shopping for me on these has never been easier if you're in the the mood to feel their famous fabric and see their bright, fun prints in person,

head to, yeah, the modal.

Head over to meundis.com

slash tellemsteve dave.

And that website is the best way to explore all the undies and apparel they have to offer.

From men's and women's undies to joggers to socks and bralettes or something for every comfy need.

Join the Miyundis membership and save up to 30% on most purchases.

Members also get a ton of other perks like early access and free shipping.

Frank, I would never wear any.

I'm not even saying this.

I would never wear underwear underwear besides meundis again.

Those cotton breeds what about you rep you got any meundis?

You fucking piece of shit.

Fuck off.

To get 25% off your first order and free standard shipping, head to meundis.com slash TESD.

That's meundis.com slash TESD.

The sale is only available for online purchases.

And remember, if you're not 100% satisfied, it's on Miundis.

Send them back.

I can't wait.

I can't wait to try them.

All right.

Let's see.

I bet you their first month in Nordstrom's, they move more Miundis than than we ever moved in the lifetime of ads that we've done on TSD, the countless ads we've done for them.

Right.

I have to think that, yeah, it's just being in that,

like right in a store is the world of difference.

Nobody shops in stores anymore.

We're going to fucking Kmart tomorrow.

These are fucking boomers and you're not going to find anything.

We're talking

about offer me on D.

I'll pick up a pair if they have a pair.

They don't.

And that's the thing, man.

It's like, like if you want this kind of stuff, I know they say go to Nordstrom's or Amazon, but you're not going to get a better deal than on the Miyundis website.

And the Telem Steve Dave code gives you some discounts.

And it's totally worth it.

It's totally worth it, man.

I'm going to fucking get Tiger Logistics to fucking send me like a whole fucking giant crate of them.

You know, I'll be like, I need some crate.

Just like a big trailer in front of your house.

Yeah, all filled with fucking Miundis.

Oh, I want to ask you this, Walt.

This wouldn't really apply to you, Frank.

But I

started watching this, Mary Beth and I started watching this show called Love After Lockup.

And basically what it is, is there's a person on the outside and they have a pen pal, in an inmate pen pal on the inside.

And they write back and forth and they have a relationship and then the person gets out of jail and they try to make a go of it, right?

I mean, some of these people,

you actually end up liking the prisoners more than the people on the outside, some of them.

And some of the prisoners are total pieces of shit.

And you're like, I can't, like, worse than Rupp even.

I can't.

I can't think of anything more exploitive than this is that they know that they're in a position.

Like, we'll give you a fuck, probably a fucking, a shitty fucking paycheck to do this.

Oh, yeah.

And we'll document you, your train wreck of a relationship.

Yep.

That's exactly what it is.

Wow.

And but compelling.

You want to watch it because you're like, you want some people, you're like, you want some people to get fucked over and other people, you hope it works works out good for them.

But so we're watching it and I'm like, oh my God, like, what would I do if like I had a daughter who was like, cause, you know, they, they show the families of these people and like the, the dad, usually the dads are like, this isn't a good idea.

I really wish you'd reconsider this.

And I'm like, what do you do if like one of your daughters is you're like, oh, I have an inmate, I have a pen pal, but they're an inmate in jail.

He's getting out in two weeks, though.

He wants to come by and say hello.

You have to err on the side of caution, right?

And what?

Like frame him so like he gets arrested as soon as he walks out of jail?

Not you.

But you do have friends that wouldn't, you know,

wouldn't sneeze at the opportunity.

Frank, you want to be tough?

I'm loyal.

I'm loyal.

I'm in.

We'll go play some drugs on this guy.

We'll fuck him up.

Let's do it.

I wouldn't know what to do.

There would be like.

It's rough, right?

There would be very

much I would want to do, but at the end of the day, you're like, what can you really do?

And it's two adults.

Right.

You know, but

first off, you're like, don't sign that contract to get documented on time.

Right, right.

That's the first.

Okay.

That's your first.

Actually, your first mistake was fucking being a pen pal to a fucking prisoner.

Exactly.

The second one was signing that contract with, what is it, TLC or something?

Who is it?

What network is that?

Oh, no, it's

AMC Plus.

AMC?

Yeah, I don't know if it originally aired on AMC Plus, but that's what it's on right now.

Oh my God, how far have they fallen?

I know they fucking fucking cut the

Comic Book Men loose and now it's an old show like comic book men right like we didn't exploit anybody nope

you know we just not not minorities

not you know we didn't exploit ming at all no

ming wanted to dress in the under roofs yeah they wanted to immediately what i went to 10 to 12 times per episode 22 minutes it's like clutch at it like once every 15 seconds

but that is a show you can watch with the whole family oh definitely oh my god this you don't want to watch with the whole family you don't want to give your kids any ideas because it looks rough.

And like, even the nice prisoners, the ones that you like, it's still like, well, they're a criminal.

Like, you don't know what they're like, they're a proven criminal.

So you're like, you don't exactly know.

Like, you don't want to give them the benefit of the doubt, you know?

And it turns out most of them you shouldn't.

One or two, you're like, all right, they seem to be kind of normal, kind of nice.

Does it say what they've done?

Why they're yeah, like this, like some of them are like conspiracy to commit burglary, drugs.

Um, nobody was in for like murder or anything.

It was like a lot of like, there was like one guy, he's a 12-star guy.

I mean, they also got to be so fucking terrified that, like, you know, going back.

That the production crew is like, what happens if, like, you know, this guy gets out and he kills, you know, yeah.

Well, there's

one woman who befriended him, but be a pen pal.

There's one guy who you're like, I can see him snapping at any minute.

You're like, because some of them get out of jail and in less than two weeks, they're back in jail again because they cannot control themselves.

They just can't do it.

That's junk TV.

Total garbage.

Total garbage.

Useless.

Disposable.

Not like tell them Steve Dave.

But I do want to show you guys a picture because like I ran into this problem

recently where Sage, you know,

is 17 now and she wants to do her own thing.

She doesn't want her.

Her father giving her what, four-inch shit.

Where the fuck are these pictures, right?

Oh, okay.

so she's going out to um

dave and busters right yeah cool i'll throw i'll send you this picture too rub you can throw this up i'll get the people's the people's opinion so she show she's like hey i have my outfit for dave and busters she comes in and shows me and i'm like no you're not wearing that Mary Beth was like, no, you're not wearing that.

Let me get you a better outfit.

Sage is very upset, like glassy-eyed, near crying, because we wouldn't let her wear this outfit.

I showed it to a couple people, and they thought that Mary Beth and I were being too strict, that she should be allowed to wear this.

That's how she came out.

All right.

What is it, though?

Is it the boots?

I think it's the heels with the shorts.

I think that's what got me.

It looks like Nancy Sinatra.

What's up?

The boots got me.

The boots got you.

Yeah, she's playing it.

Mary Beth is thinking more of a practical, like she might fall, you know, in her boots or something.

She's going to be playing video games and all that other shit.

I was looking more of it like from a dad's point of view.

Like you're not going out without nylon with the like the knee socks and the short shorts and all that shit and the sunglasses.

And I brought it up to two friends of mine and they said, yeah.

Sunglasses.

They literally, but it's a whole thing.

Yeah.

It's a whole thing.

I want to see where her eyes are, you know, like if she's looking at some dude's booty, she's constantly telling me she likes guys' abs.

Yeah.

Just because she has Down syndrome doesn't mean she's not a fucking ball buster and a pain in the ass sometimes.

lots of times you know so i i show this picture to both q and troy troy who has two daughters and troy said i was being a little bit too uh overprotective maybe really they they would they both would have let her go out in that outfit yeah i i mean

i don't know yeah it wasn't as racy or as uh scandalous as i thought it was cold uh well your one daughter's wild man she's got a style of all her own no no i'm sure she has she has one of those septum piercings.

You know, Frank.

You saw her.

I saw that.

I was like, Walt Flanagan's the worst father I ever.

I had an earring when I was.

That was scandalous back in the day.

It was.

I was, but, like, Alicia's, she's a cool kid.

Like, when I met her and I look at her and like, I see her style and like, she's, she seems to be like a very, like an individual, you know.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I like her a lot.

She's cool.

Much to my chagrin.

Right.

Yeah.

Fuck off dad you don't know.

Finding mountains to fucking you know die on.

Oh, yeah.

I'm like, you ain't gonna care about this in two days.

You don't need to, like, this isn't, this isn't all the uh, all the emotional toll you're putting into this is not worthy of uh all the tears that you're crying about.

This right, that's when you feel old.

Uh, that's not when I feel old.

When I couldn't piss, that's when I felt old.

That was the real reminder.

Not even a birthday.

Yeah, well, it wasn't that.

Yeah, it was that.

That was the moment I was like, I might be old.

Nah.

I still got it.

I do have one good thing.

No, it's just being a jerk.

Go ahead.

No, just being a jerk.

Is it about me pulling my back when we play ping pong?

No, it was about I beat you at ping pong when I had a catheter in.

You fucking asshole.

Are you serious?

never told him.

Was that when I was at least close?

Was that the one night we crushed you?

Fuck.

Now I feel old.

I don't feel as bad now.

Like one day, like, we got a whole bunch of over 100 boxes and Walt and I brought him from his house to my house.

And the whole time he was helping me, I wasn't aware that he had a catheter in.

I said, dude, I definitely would not have asked you to, or had you help.

I would have gone and got somebody else.

Now that I know you're playing ping pong with a catheter catheter in and jumping around all over the place,

it really, but like me doing like me winning with that in made me feel like I was super depressed, right?

So, like, it was very good for my well-being, my mental well-being.

Well, not mine, not yours.

But now you, but now that you know, I'm sure you're like, you might be like, oh, I can't believe I lost to a guy with a catheter in.

But

we're all saying that.

All these people are saying that.

But every time

I felt, though, like I said,

pouring

as a friend

it's just every single time we play i'm demasculinized and it's like now i have to go back to the hotel room with her and she's gonna be like you lost when he had something in his thing

like every time i swung i could feel it right but you know what it didn't matter though but i'm just saying it i knew i'd sound like a jerk if i revealed that

mary you're gonna have to come out as a lesbian soon you can't fucking say married to this guy he's not a german shepherd He's not a German Shepherd.

He's a little golden retriever puppy who can't hold his bowels.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

He was crushed.

You crushed me at that game, then.