#548: Tee Is For Tampon

Can I get a little background on what the dildo is?

I got a couple gay experiences this week.

You're only as old as you feel.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

Hey, Walt.

We have a special guest this week.

Another special guest.

Yeah, specialer than Frank Five or Sunday or even Giddem.

This is outrageous.

The fucking wrestling phenom from Staten Island.

Yeah, I started my wrestling career at age 46.

We saw that.

It's going great.

It looked

hurt.

It hurt.

That's because it did hurt.

There's a still frame of your face

where Murray's on top of you and the table is broken and you're just grimacing.

Teeth are gritting.

Yeah, I still cannot sleep on my right side.

His whole shoulder and

neck area just cracked on my ribs.

Right.

So it's still hurting.

And

now, what do you do now?

Like, what do you, what actions do you take?

Oh, I mean, I can't follow this.

Yeah, I can't really talk about it too much because I'm trying to sue.

Like, I got lawyers.

No, no, no talking about it.

They're involved.

I mean, that's what I thought.

Well, yeah, I mean,

so you can't talk until the case has been.

Well, I mean, there's no, they won't let us back on AW

because of what happened.

They're blaming us somehow.

And, you know, my thing is just like it's all fun and games, but you can't just not tell someone you're going to slam them through a table.

Exactly.

That's what I mean.

That's like, we talked about it a little last week, and there were people, you know,

who listened to the episode and then were posting that I was like trying to

pretend that it was real or whatever.

What I was talking about was, no, but the injury was real.

I wasn't pretending that like you guys,

you guys were injured by professional fucking wrestlers, but what looked to my eyes to appear as if they were going overboard out of spite or a little bit out of like, okay, these fucking guys

here in our house.

Yeah.

And it looked like they were just like, took advantage of two civilians.

There was definitely

a sense of that, yeah.

Like, fuck these guys.

Like, these guys from,

like, they didn't want me on.

So they just went out.

They just went there.

Which is because, like, we've had Jericho on my show.

You know, that went well.

Nobody jumped out of nowhere and beat the shit out of him.

Didn't you go on a cruise with him, too?

Yeah, I did his cruise.

Didn't throw you overboard?

No, everything was fine.

And then it's these JAS punks.

They just like, they don't have any respect.

They have no respect.

They don't see that gray in your beard and say, like, maybe we shouldn't come after this guy.

So who do you go after?

Yeah, hopefully Tony Khan.

He's the owner of.

He's a billionaire.

Capital B.

So you can get a slice, break off a little bit of that couple mill first.

See,

a lot of people over there are like, don't rock the boat, this type thing.

You know, you're really suing your boss, the same company, and all that stuff.

So I'm getting a lot of people.

You haven't been picked up, right?

No, haven't been picked up yet.

I'm going to need a few.

How could they be your boss then?

Yeah, and there's not even like a chance to get back at the JAS guys because they just won't have us back on.

So I was like, so you just like you came us on, brought us on to promote the show with the whole thing, and then you guys just beat the shit out of us, and then we're not allowed back on to

even get back at them or anything.

Nothing.

Well, you would, well, how can you get back?

You would physically want to try to get back.

I mean, like, what do you mean, get back?

No, you can align yourself with like, you know, a different wrestler and come in and stuff like that.

I thought you're going to go, like, Rocky 4 and start training.

See those guys?

Chasing squirrels around his yard.

Well, I mean, you've got, now you've got the time to really work on your.

Yeah, my form.

Yeah, and like really become fucking iron.

Yeah, I could give that a shot.

I do have to wait till the ribs heal up, though.

You should do a...

You know that Liver King guy?

No, Liver King?

Liver King, yeah.

He was like this dude on the internet, and he said he ate raw liver and he dressed like a Viking.

He looked like the guy from the Capitol riots, kind of.

Okay, that good shaman.

And yeah, and he was like, oh, you know, it's all natural.

And I mean, this dude is fucking ripped.

Like, there's not an ounce of body fat on him.

He's fucking huge.

He looks like something out of a.

He looks like Conan.

He looks like Conan.

And even more.

He looks like someone stuffed air into his anus.

Yeah.

Like an air hose and just put it on high.

And all his muscles now are pumped up.

They're like, like cartoonishly huge.

Yeah.

Okay.

But he insisted it was all natural.

He insisted he's like bite, he's like killing elks and eating their livers and hearts and all that shit.

Well, you got to enjoy life.

He said it was going to give him

superpowers.

And then somebody did a little research and it turned out he spent $11,000 a month on steroids.

Oh, well, there.

So

if you combine your savings plus you tell him Steve Dave earnings, you could probably afford $11,000 a month.

I got you.

I just wonder what the quality of life is.

What will it do to his head, though?

Who, Q?

Yeah, you can't take that kind of regimen of steroids and not be affected mentally, though.

We'll start eating liver and shit.

Yeah, it just started to calm down.

He got all roided out.

Yeah, maybe not.

Yeah, I don't know what's going to go on with those guys.

Who knows?

I don't even know what that is.

Did anybody apologize?

I haven't heard anything from what if you guys tried to sneak in, like, you know, you don't some disguises and go in as a general

when we got there that day, they gave us these

lifetime passes, like

lanyards, laminated with our face on it.

And it said all access.

It was like a backstage.

It was like, hey, you're on the show.

You know, you can come, you know, be part of the family now.

And then they took it back at the end of the day.

They took it away.

They took it away again.

Oh, thank God.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Pretty crazy.

It's an outrage.

It's an outrage, yeah.

Maybe they know something about

the future of the TV show that I don't know that they're like, we could just toss this guy out like trash.

But how is Murr feeling?

He's pretty good.

His arm was

like racked up a little bit.

When they put him through the table, he didn't really get hurt.

It was just his arm raked against the plastic, and it sort of

scraped up his arm.

But he's fine.

I mean, it's fine.

Like, it was first the whole right side hurt, and then as the weeks go by, it's just been getting smaller and smaller.

So it's like a little patch about that big, but I can't sleep on my,

I mean, the black and blues, it looked like somebody had fucking painted

spray painted your side like a bizarre black.

Yeah, it was crazy.

It was like, and it was the same ribs that I broke like a few years back, so it was, it was pretty nasty.

I did not,

I did not think that that was going to happen.

We thought it was going to be like a fun little tussle.

Yeah.

It's irresponsible.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I didn't even mean.

What would be like if Giddam came in and suddenly Q just slammed him through the fucking ping-pong table for no reason?

And those guys who came out from the back, like I've met a few of those guys before, but I had, I didn't see any of them that day before they came out like that.

They just came out.

They did.

They swarmed you.

They just sworn.

And like, you don't know what's going to happen.

And the whole crowd's there.

So did you feel any responsibility?

Because you did steal the bat.

Yeah, but I feel like you kind of like drew attention to your job.

Hijinks, man.

Yeah, that was part of the storyline, though.

We were giving the bat back.

That's what we were there to do.

Yeah, I tried to get a small bat chant going.

Just showed up, got my ass kicked, and sent home, stripped of my titles.

But the guy who used to own WWE, Vince McMahon, when I started watching wrestling, he was just a normal-looking dude.

Yeah.

An announcer.

And that guy at your age became.

Oh, older than me, yeah.

He became like a fucking ripped in his 60s.

He looked like

a superhero.

Dude, you could do that.

Yeah, I just can't see it.

That's a great second chapter of your life, though.

He becomes a ripped wrestler.

Yeah, I don't know, man.

After seeing the way that, like, the way it is over there, like, they just did that.

I don't, they're crazy.

I don't want to be in business with those people.

And how long do you think it takes to train?

Because Q's starting at his age.

Like, these guys have been in it since like their late teens, early 20s.

Q starting out with a blank slate.

It might be rough.

I just think that

I will have 100%, like if you went all in, there's nothing he could do it.

I mean, you think he's age?

I mean, I'm not going to say it's going to be easy.

I think the harder part would be to learn the

somersaults off the top rope and everything.

I don't think I'm doing that.

I mean, but the body part you could pull off probably in two months.

The hard part is not getting high and eating white cash.

You got to make a sack

Yeah, it was, yeah, I don't know.

It's just like I know a lot of guys there, Walt, and like backstage, like so many people are nice and cool.

But do I really want to work in a place where people could just come out of nowhere without telling you and throw you through a table?

But if you're fucking, but if you were built, you know, the BQ 2.0.

Those guys are pretty big.

They seem to be slamming each other through tables all the time.

I don't know, man.

I'm good.

I'm good.

Yeah, this seemed like more of like a like a, you're talking more of like a jackass environment where like suddenly a giant boxing glove punches you onto the ground.

Yeah, yeah.

That seems like what it's more what it's like than wrestling.

That doesn't sound fun to me either.

No.

Like I talked to Eric Andre and he's like, he talks about making that move and he's like, there's just no safe harbor.

He's like, they just beat the shit out of you the entire time.

Yeah.

I wouldn't be able to take, like, suddenly I'm in a fucking car, like locked car with bees in it.

Or like,

all the fucking cockshit.

What your family say.

Jesus.

Well, hold on.

I don't think my parents even watched it.

I didn't hear from my brothers.

I was just assuming that they didn't even, you know.

Oh, no, they don't know that.

We're not a family that celebrates each other.

There's no comforting, like, you know, because it's kind of like you were.

My boy.

No.

No.

No, you would think my brothers would tag team up to get some revenge, but

they didn't even acknowledge it.

They quit, like, going, yeah, I didn't even get a text.

And I know my brother watches wrestling.

So it's even odder that he was never like, hey, I saw that.

That's funny.

Yeah.

What are you going to do?

It's all right.

I dipped my toe in their world, and they fucking chewed me up and spit me out.

I guess they sent me a strong lesson, you know?

That's a difficult world to dip your toe in.

It's not a normal

world.

What if?

It's a machismo and fucking testosterone and muscles and

pain.

Yeah.

And then backstage, when somebody just walked by, a wrestler, I'm not going to say what his name is, but like he just walked by and like did a nut tap to me and he went by and he fucking nailed it.

Like he just squared it.

It was like

when you're at your lowest.

Is that like a

butt?

Like, you know how guys slap each other in the butt?

Like a kind of camaraderie?

No, I think it was like it was more like fuck you.

I think it was a little like fucking dismissive like

does he even does he have anything to smack?

I think I was just getting bullied.

I think I was just getting bullied backstage.

You got to pick a different fucking federation, bro.

I don't know.

What if me and you also get jacked, Walt?

And then we, as a team, we're the Tusdy boys, we go out there and we take on these young upstarts.

I mean, just seeing the way it went.

I don't know that we, why don't we just go to White Castle instead, man?

That's not a bad idea.

Yeah.

But what did I miss?

So I missed, I mean, I only missed two weeks.

It wasn't like.

It felt longer.

It did.

It felt like a really long time because I think the

we recorded so early that now it's like going down over three weeks since we last saw you.

Yeah, but it's nice to be back.

Got time now.

Shouldn't be missing any weeks.

Should be good.

We can talk shit about the wrestlers.

Oh, man.

Why don't they?

We'll leak it back to them.

Fuck yeah, man.

I don't know if what I'm allowed to like go into and not go into.

I don't know.

Is Merce also in the suit?

No, no.

I think he's choosing not to.

I think he, well, he didn't really get that hurt, and I think he's just like, he's like, he didn't put in the time that I put in to get us on the show.

And, like, I don't know.

So he's happy to be gone.

He's happy to be over and done with it, man.

You can find him on cameo if you want.

You could ask him about it.

Just won't pay 300 bucks.

30-second story about how wrestling went.

Yeah.

And if you buy 10 cameos,

Merrill will call you.

Fuck yeah.

Well,

I used,

I ordered

this is a public service announcement, and maybe it'll get us back in the good graces of Burrow.

Remember, Burrow?

Oh,

we're not allowed to mention Burrow.

We promised them that

if they didn't sue us, if they didn't several action against us, that we would never mention them again.

Oh, well, I will say that the code TESD still works for 75% off.

I had to order a new couch.

It still works?

Still works.

I tried it on a flyer and it fucking worked.

For how much off?

$75.

Oh, they said $75.

Yeah, they did say 75%.

I was like, I'm about the hipbaro.com.

No, $75.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

So that code still works.

Still works.

Wow.

So something came up in their database the other day.

They were just like, huh.

We should rethink this.

Maybe we got to

review the show to see if they mentioned it.

Maybe we should take action against those assholes.

They're still talking about us.

Had a couple gay experiences this week.

Gay is in homosexual or like 80s gay.

What do you mean?

What he means.

I know what he means.

I can tell by the look in his face.

That pinkish glow.

No, first, my first one was I went to McDonald's and there was a super flamboyant gay guy there.

Working or a customer?

Working.

Okay, nice.

And I go through drive-through, and he hands me the food, and he's like, as gay as one could be.

He's like, thank you, dear.

and i gotta say i kind of like this it feels good right yeah it feel nice nobody ever compliments me or is nice to me like that like well usually when i'm out to eat it's with marybeth so like waitresses aren't like they're not tapping you on the back or calling you hun or any of that

you know so uh

the the you know being starved for affection

That is, that is, that's a little bit

sad.

Like, yeah, like the very fact that a stranger could call you dear or hun, and it means it moves your needle.

Yeah, it meant something to me.

Wow, yeah.

Does Mary Beth not shower you?

No, she does.

Yeah, she does.

But gay guys don't.

Sure.

Well, how many gay guys do you interact with?

Guy McDonald's and Guy McDonald's.

No one.

That's it.

Yeah.

Although, I don't know.

Don't we have any gay friends?

We must.

No,

I know we have gay friends.

I just wonder who

I'm interacting with.

Yeah, nobody except for the guy at McDonald's.

I ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner there that day.

Yeah.

That's that cool guy who's still working?

Yeah, not you, not you, lady.

Where's the other guy?

And I think Sage

may have made what was her first gay joke.

Oh, really?

At my and Troy's expense.

Oh, boy.

She's a Johnson.

There you go.

She's claiming her birthright.

I was like, I'm texting.

She's like, what are you doing?

I'm on the phone, you know, texting on the phone.

And she's like, what are you doing?

You're texting Officer Troy

and really like drew it out.

And I was like, What's that supposed to mean?

He's like, He's your boyfriend.

She doesn't say boyfriend.

She says, He's your boy swend.

What the fuck?

Out of nowhere.

Like, out of nowhere, this cave.

She then went on a 20-minute diatribe about Mike and Ming jokes.

Speaking of which, speaking of which, people called you out

on Twitter, yeah.

Walt?

Yeah, because we were discussing, last week we were discussing a joke.

Okay.

It's not really a joke, but it's like it's the me Chinese, me play joke, me put pee pee in your Coke.

I mean, a classic of the 80s.

Walt said you never heard it.

Really?

I don't remember ever hearing it.

Not only have you

said it on the show.

We discussed it on the show.

I got to tell you, I didn't remember either.

This comes into something I want to talk about,

about the lack of memory and how concerning it is in this point in my life.

But go ahead about it.

I want to take you off topic about

this great joke.

It's now been worthy of two weeks of conversation.

A lot of people said let it die.

Some people said let it live on.

I think the only problem is it's perceived as racist.

And it's not really racist, is it?

Like somebody's saying they're Chinese and they played a joke and they pissed in somebody's soda.

I just think the very fact that you you say it with

the tone and the afflect.

But

I didn't say it like Meng.

I wasn't like, oh, I'm me Chinese.

I didn't say any of that shit.

I just repeated it.

You know, maybe in my head, I just decided to.

It sounds like something he'd do.

Well, could you, why does, like, could you change, like.

Well, that's what I was saying to Mary Beth this morning.

I was like, if it was me Caucasian, me play joke, me put pee-pee in your Coke, zero people have a problem with it.

It's the me.

It's the.

It's the broken English?

It's the broken English.

So if I correct it to, I'm Chinese, I played a joke.

I put pee-pee in your Coke.

If I say it.

One would argue that it loses the charm of the original at that point.

So why are you even...

Why continue it?

Yeah.

I don't know.

I just feel like...

My whole idea was that I thought Ming should set up a camera where his kids couldn't see it.

Okay.

And so it's like you're like the angle is you're looking at Ming's back, but looking at his kids' faces

as he says to them,

you know, look, I got something I need to tell you guys about.

Well, he says it very seriously.

He's like, I got something I need to talk to you guys about yeah

and then he breaks down the joke and then like their reaction when he's like let me put pee pee in your coke yeah unless they already heard the joke

that's the question i don't know man i this is a thorny issue i guess i have you run it by ming i did what'd he say we were laughing about it but i don't think he did it yet oh he's down in pensacola

he said he's an idiot he's down in pensacola fucking hobnobbing with the likes of uh brian o'haller Oh, that's nice.

Brian's O'Haller.

And what's his name?

Scott Chiaffo.

Yeah, they went to do a con.

I know.

I only met Scott a couple times.

Yeah, he's a good guy.

Yeah, I've seen him.

Yeah, we drove back from Louisville with him.

Oh, yeah.

All our flights got canceled, and there wasn't going to be another flight for five days because of the snow.

So we all rented this fucking van.

Yeah.

So I got to know Scott a little bit.

All right.

Ant-Man?

Haven't seen it.

Okay.

Yeah.

No, I have been

housebound.

I forgot.

I thought we were on the ice.

I bought

well, what?

You were going to say something about the

I don't know if you guys heard about this newscaster.

I can't remember which

station he was on, but he, and I don't want to talk of it, I don't want to get into the discussion of what he said so much, but he said that a woman in her 50s is past her prime.

She's not in her prime in the 50s, and now he's paying the price for such a comic.

But

are any of us?

But that's not quite.

I don't think any of them are.

I feel like I'm past my prime prime.

But I made me

look up

a men, a man's prime, and what Google says.

Okay, this is interesting.

It's like 22 or something, right?

Yeah, I'm sure it's going to be way younger than I am.

When do you think men physically decline?

What age do you think it starts?

Based on my own, I'd really say

rubber, I mean, it's probably mid-30s is when they would say it.

I think the rubber hit the road in your mid-40s.

What do you think, Brian?

I think mid-30s is a little young, but I would go early to mid-40s.

Like, I mean, on a personal level, that's when I saw it really start to get to the point.

Yeah, I just noticed, I started to notice physical differences in my mid-30s.

Like, every time you stand up, you're like, yeah, nothing major, but like just little things in your prime.

You're just not in your prime.

You can still keep up and everything like that.

So women in their 50s are arguing that they're in their prime.

No, no, no.

I'm dying to hear this.

No, no, no.

We're not talking about that one.

This guy's fucking totally, he's been shit canned.

We don't, that's that's a fucking topic that nobody should just

whatever that guy said.

I'm against it.

Okay.

But we can talk about men and

when we think that the client is, and no one's going to come after us.

I'm not going to look at Sage so strangely anymore when she's like living in her fucking own fantasy world where these fucking women think that they're in their prime in their fucking 50s.

Fuck off.

Come on, man.

Like, it's a fucking play world that people live in.

Well, I guess it depends on what metric you're going by.

I guess.

You're only as old as you feel.

Yeah, okay.

When do you think your mental decline began?

Oh, God, I hope it starts tomorrow.

When do you think it starts?

I don't know what they mean by mental decline.

Like, what do you mean?

The brain's capacity for memory, reasoning, and comprehension skills.

Cognitive function.

I don't think.

Can start to deteriorate at what age?

I'd give it 50.

I would say even 50.

Yeah.

Yeah, you start forgetting shit.

I haven't really noticed it yet, and I'm 46, so yeah, I'd go with that.

Unless I don't remember.

It takes me time, like a name from a movie or TV or something that would have come up like that at one time.

I'm like, wait, what?

What were they in again?

What was your name?

I just remember when I had those brain issues for a while, it was hard to.

I remember being like, God, why can't I fucking think as smoothly as I used to?

And then I remember that feeling going away.

So I still, so I I still think 46 I still got it for the most part you guys are both wrong again

wrong two times starting at around age 35 the volume of the brain starts to shrink at a rate of 0.2 per year and accelerates to 0.5

uh loss yearly after the age of 60 so at 35 it could start okay but i now i was thinking this prompted me because of some of the issues that i'm having remembering things where i put things and uh just

everyday things wherever.

Forgetting awesome jokes.

Yeah.

Like me so Chinese.

Yeah.

How can I forget that class?

But it's just other things, like things that are important to do.

And then I leave the house and

I don't bring something with me that I told myself to bring with me.

Just little things like that.

But I also want to point out that out of I've seen a decline almost in everybody in my circle, except one person.

Sunday, Jeff.

jeff get him one person i think is getting better with age and more

um

like he's just improving

with age in terms of his mental intellect and and it's get him i have

i have i have seen no signs of deterioration at all in fact and he's about your age right you

uh he's a little younger than me

yeah but like his

he's been wowing uh everybody will with like incredible

Can I get an example?

I haven't been around for a couple of weeks.

I'd like to be wowed.

I've seen him several times in the past few weeks.

I mean,

as recently as yesterday, we were looking at buying a new appliance, and my wife requested that Giddam come along because, and I quote, he asks all the right questions.

Ah.

Hmm.

And that wowed you guys, huh?

Well, I'm just saying, I mean, like this.

How long before you start resenting Giddam?

Because Debbie's like, last week you were saying that Debbie said he's a genius.

This week he knows how to pick out refrigerators.

But he knows that, because she was asking me about, like, what do you think about this?

And, like, and do you think it does this?

And I was like, I don't know.

And she goes, well, can you ask Giddam to look at it then?

You know, she just loses patience.

Yeah.

What is it?

What appliance was it?

It was actually a washing machine.

Washing machine, okay.

Jesus, how do you feel about this?

I mean, when you...

You're like, I don't do the wash.

I don't give a fuck about the wash.

How would I know what's valuable to a person who does the wash?

Like, if my business was washing machines, yeah, and then she was like, Let's ask somebody else, why didn't you ask me?

I might be a little bit annoyed, yeah,

you know, if she like if my business, like I, like, I even he doesn't, but he knows everything.

I don't know,

he's a very knowledgeable guy, I have to say that.

Like,

like it or not, like, if you're talking about something, he's going to insert himself and let you know that he knows about it.

He's got a companion.

Yeah, that's is that the same as I don't know, like when you fact-check him, though, he's usually correct.

Oh, holy shit, I think

there are plenty of people online that are like, No, get him wrong about this, and they love to point it out, yeah, yeah.

But for the most part, he doesn't really take much shit because generally, he like he knows like you'll be talking about something you have no idea what the term is, and he's like, Oh, it's this, and then he'll know the term.

I like this take on it's it's we are lucky to have a genius-level

person occupying that front.

Such a wooly position.

It's like Walt was like, I need to hire a receptionist that not only do I not want to chase around the desk, couldn't make it around once before he fucking collapsed.

You know,

is this a performance review?

No, it was just, it was just something that.

Does he get paid?

Is it due paid?

Oh, yes, he did.

Oh, my God.

If he didn't, that would be something.

He gets paid.

You know,

I will admit, I don't know if this bothers you guys, but I will take advantage of

the lack of accessibility to him, where that, like, all of a sudden, now a lot of his daily functions are at my house.

Yeah, really.

Picking out appliances, chasing photo-tagging pictures.

That's what we're paying for.

Deb's doing a whole fucking interior decorating

at our expense.

I don't feel that guilty about doing it.

Otherwise, you'd just be staring at the wall, waiting for that one customer who comes in a week.

Like constantly looking in the reflection of that door to see who it is.

He always does that.

But yeah, we're lucky.

We are damn fucking lucky to have somebody with that kind of brain power.

That pedigree.

At you know, sitting there at the weight,

just

ready to jump in and have a weight of 350.

Wow, I am enjoying this re-evaluation because I genuinely love Gedham.

I consider him a friend.

So

it's nice to think of him this way.

Sometimes I come in here, and that's not the vibe I'm getting.

But it's been all roses lately.

And, you know, I'm not going to to lie.

I'm not going to put a, like, you know,

physically, he, you know,

he may need, like, you know, like, just like all of us,

he is on that fast road to decline,

you know, because he's not taking the best care of himself, but who amongst us is.

But mentally,

sharp as a tack.

Sharper

than he's ever been.

I need you to keep an eye on me.

I went to the doctor the other day.

I got on this shit called Straterra, which is a drug.

Yeah, it's like a focusing drug.

It's like Adderall, except non-addictive, non-narcotic.

Every fucking middle school student in the fucking universe can get Adderall.

Yeah.

Not me.

How come?

I got to take the fake Adderall.

Because the fucking doctors are so afraid to prescribe shit, I think.

Well, what does Adderall do to you over a course of time?

How long can you take it before it starts to adversely affect you?

I don't know.

I took it for 10 years and I was fine.

And then all of a sudden one day the doctor called and he was like, yeah,

we have a new office policy.

If I didn't diagnose something, I'm not allowed to provide medication for it.

This is easily eight years into.

This is an office policy.

This was

something he implemented.

Right.

It was like

hack and sack meridian.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, hack and sack meridian.

Diagnose you himself then?

I think he probably could have.

Sounds like he's got to deal with what's the drug you were?

Oh, no, this is the old doctor, the new doctor that I went to, because this old doctor, he retired.

Okay.

He's the one that took me off the utterall.

The new doctor is the one that gave me Straterra because I told him about the office taking away the

other time.

I told him about our office coach who's getting rave reviews.

I want to be as smart as him.

Give me medicine.

So hopefully over the next month or so.

Whenever we're going to be able to do it,

just today.

So, and when do they expect to see some

some effects start like within a month yeah within a month and it's going to be better what are they what are they hoping it will do well hoping like i'll be better focused i'll be more have you felt unfocused very unfocused really yeah like these last

six months or so i felt terrible i started taking prozac too he gave me prozac

um just because yeah like the last especially the last two months in the house i'm like i can't take it man so winter is not helping oh it's the worst you'll feel different when you have your pool open

Yeah.

Pools open.

I'm on Straterra.

Hopefully, that'll work out.

Yeah.

So if anybody has experience with Straterra, tweet me.

Do they have a commercial for that now?

Probably, yeah.

I'm sure it's on like one of those HLN with a catchy tune.

Stratera.

That's what got me.

I was like, I'll take that, I guess.

I tell you, you know what?

Before you leave, though,

have Giddam talk to Giddam.

Let him ask him what he thinks you should be on.

Yeah,

this is what my doctor says, but you know,

you know, the way they are.

Because my wife had had toe surgery recently, and she was, you know, she was

like, either go all the way back to the doctor for a checkup or get them, sir.

But she was asking me, did the color of her toes look good?

And she asked me to take a photo of them and send to get him to see what he thought.

Did he diagnose it correctly?

But he said they looked fine.

He said, in his opinion, that they look like unnormal.

Well, that's the only opinion I need.

This is a new non-jealous while finding it.

Sent a picture of your lady's feet to

a known person.

It was just the toes.

Sitting alone in this spider-infested basement.

Yeah.

Thank you all.

Thank you.

Yeah, but I've been running the household.

My wife is on bed rest for six weeks.

And I gotta tell you.

But were you there when the doctor said six weeks?

No, I'm not sure.

I think she's patient.

Excuse me.

She's trying to get you around the household for longer than need be.

She said, you know, she told me pretty early on to prepare myself because I'm going to be, you know, running things for six weeks,

which doesn't sound like a lot.

Let me ask you, I'm surprised I have any hair on my head because I was pulling it out by the clumps.

Because holy fuck, man, I never dreamed how difficult it was to be the sole person to take care of dogs.

Yeah.

Holy shit.

First night, I fucked up.

First night,

they got to be out at 6 a.m.

And so my wife is like, are you going to be able to get up at 6 a.m.?

And I'm like, yeah, just wake me up.

I promise I'll be up.

She wakes me up.

I go to let the dogs out.

Fucking step right in something because

you didn't let him out the night before.

I was like, I forgot.

I'm on my prime.

My brain's gone down 0.2% since last week.

Yeah, so

it was off to a very shaky start.

The first night.

And you can't get that smell out.

Right.

That's a rough smell.

Especially once you smush it and it's in your brain.

Oh, no, no.

It wasn't solid.

Oh, okay.

20 seconds.

It was a wet spot.

And

so then I spent the next couple hours trying to get it up out of the carpet.

Eventually, I had to call my mom in because I don't know how to run this Deam Vac.

Yeah.

Giddam was offended.

Well, Well, Giddam wouldn't answer his phone.

It was his day off.

Oh, it was his day off.

Yeah, because she was like, call him again.

I was surprised she didn't contract Giddam to fucking run the household while she's down.

Oh, my God.

I was like, he's not answering.

It's his day off.

He doesn't answer on his day off.

So then eventually I was like, I'm going to call my mom.

And she's like, well, your mother's not getting him.

I guess it'll do.

But then, yeah, my mom, my mom came over and she was able to

get the smell out.

Nice.

She was able to take the laundry that I couldn't do because I couldn't fucking figure out how to get the fucking

washer to turn on.

It sounds to me like you know exactly how to run a house.

I can't do anything.

I'm incompetent.

Yeah.

And so

I've been like a hawk watching those dogs now, though.

Okay.

Like if they fucking even move, you know, I'm there to snatch them up and throw them outside so they don't pee.

How did it work before?

Like, like, Debbie would be like, It's time to take them out, and you would then take them out, or she would be like, Was she like the timekeeper?

How did it work before?

Yeah, she did everything.

I did nothing.

Oh, she took them out for a walk.

That's the way I liked it.

She did everything.

I thought you took the dogs for walks and stuff.

Yeah, but that's in the middle of the afternoon on my time when I don't have to go to the bathroom.

That's just like me being like, hey, let's go take a walk.

I want to listen to this song or something.

But like, on their time, like, I wouldn't even acknowledge that, like, oh, they haven't eaten in four days.

I forgot.

All right.

Yeah, she did everything.

And you don't realize it

until you got to start step in and do it.

Now, has it given you, aside from the like, the sucks, has it given you a new appreciation for Deb?

Like, yeah,

like, yeah, she does everything.

Like, even the simplest thing, like, I had to cut pills for Cooper.

Right.

First fucking pill goes fucking and I lose it.

It gets caught in between a crack of the windowsill

and this tiling.

and all the time I lost one of the pills and she goes how could you lose a pill

like it just happened

now when the pill goes shooting off into the windowsill are you the type of person that's like only me this food fucking only happened to me no I'm immediately I'm like

how am I gonna break this news

I just keep this like I'm not yeah I'm not angry I'm just like

is this the difference between him like being going like downhill or like will he suffer physically if I lie about this or not lie but

who's likely to suffer more

it's it's it's been better but boy that first week you know I mean it's a week two but I think I'm there's four more to go yeah I think I'm definitely getting better are the girls open yet

they're they have their own lives they've got their own jobs or they got their own you know they they're just you know they're not in the house as much as they've been so it's like it falls on me

but you know when when they can they do though yeah It's nice.

But I'm expecting.

And you don't have a real schedule, so it's...

Yeah, it's tough for you to be like, can't do it.

Sorry, busy.

No, yeah.

I have no excuses.

Oh, boy.

Other than that.

So this is a treat then coming to do the pod.

Yeah, well, you know.

She relaxes more when all three of us are out of the house.

When I say three, me, Cooper, and Sarah.

She feels like nothing's going to get fucked up, and she can relax, watch TV, or sleep, or do whatever she's going to do, needlework.

And we're, it's like, she doesn't have to worry that we're fucking up shit downstairs.

She's losing pills and pissing on the floor.

The three of you.

Because take them there.

If they're going to piss, take them to the office, she said.

Oh, God.

Well, we should have get them here.

In case somebody stains the carpet.

What else we got here?

Is there any plans for at the end of six weeks, like a vacation?

Is there like you're going to.

For who?

Me?

I'm going to need one yeah that's what i mean like are you like all right man after six weeks when she's on a foot we're going to maybe yeah nothing concrete but that sounds like a good idea i think to get away and you know it'll give you something to look forward to gives you both something to look forward to yeah

she's not the type of person that

like i knew would be a problem for her because she just never sits still I've never seen her sit still.

So for her to have to sit in bed for six weeks, I knew would be torturous.

She's got like a big boot on and shit?

Yeah, she's got that on.

But like me, I could do that.

I could do six weeks in bed in my sleep.

I could be like, just fucking Xbox there.

I'm fine.

There's some people in the world, Q, who this drives them crazy.

I don't know if they're doing it right, but hey, we all got to walk into our own drums.

Yeah.

I remember a while.

I don't know if you were here, Q, but Walt was talking about like after his

brush with the hospital and all his medical stuff that he might start, you know, like maybe even taking a flight.

He might even go on a plane to open up his life.

And it made me think: if that's the case, then would Walt consider doing a live show or two?

Is he

doesn't want to live that much?

Don't we're going to England?

Yeah.

We were headed out to the Prince Charles Cinema.

What a sweet.

I guess not.

Okay.

Why?

You were scheduling a live show in England?

No, no, no, no.

No, because I remembered the Grammar C.

We did pretty well at the Grammar C.

And

I was like, it was only one night, two shows.

We could do it again.

If I could get,

and by the way, there's no talks of this or anything like that, so don't get excited.

But if I can get another cruise going,

would you come on that?

A cruise, yeah.

I mean, it depends where it leaves from.

If it leaves from like Elizabeth, probably

Florida, Florida, given everything.

I don't know.

I mean, fly down there

two hours before all my medical issues.

It was immediate and fucking

hard, stern, no.

Okay.

Now, we'll see.

We'll see.

All right.

All right.

That's actually all I got.

I'm going to beat you.

Convince him to do another cruise.

On it.

God, those cruises are fun.

Yeah, yeah.

They're so much fun.

We do a Space Monkeys at Midnight.

You would love it, Walt.

Yeah.

We talk about women past their prime, all kinds of shit.

I noticed these episodes never see the light of day, though.

Someone

loses that.

We don't even record them.

Oh, that's not true.

No,

there's been Space Monkeys on Patreon.

Like the last cruise, it's the ones with the Jokers that I don't put up.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Because I'm just like, you know, sometimes shit is said or whatever.

Like, I can take the heat.

Doesn't matter if it's something I should say.

You can't just fall back on.

It was said out in the middle of the day.

International war.

Yeah, like it shouldn't count against me if I say it out here.

I agree with that.

I don't know if Sal would want to be say that.

Why would you say that?

Why would you let people hear that?

Yeah, there's some wild shit at Space Monkeys.

It's fun.

Yeah, that good times.

Hopefully we got to do another one.

We'll see.

I saw

archaeologists shocked to find the first Roman dildo.

You saw this wall?

What?

It doesn't look anything.

What the hell is it made out of?

It's exciting and intriguing.

Wood.

All right.

I guess you could sand that down.

2,000-year-old sewing tool that could potentially be the only known life-size Roman dildo.

Wow.

Who owns that?

Let's see.

It was first discovered in 1992 during an excavation at the Roman fort of

Vindolanda in Northumberland, the Times of London reported.

Archaeologists initially classified the six-inch-long cylindrical object as an implement for daming, darning, the practice of repairing holes holes in woven fabric using a needle and thread.

So here's what it looks like.

It looks like a fucking baseball bat, doesn't it?

Whoa, that is a.

Yeah, it looks like some sort of old cricket bat.

Yeah, that's a no joke.

It looks like Catherine Caveman.

It's a healthy girl.

Q.

Yep.

You find it on your property.

Yeah.

An excavation.

Yeah.

You're

because there's a lot of history in Staten Island.

A lot of history.

You would be expected to turn that into a museum.

What do you mean?

Why am I doing that?

I find out

it's a historical discovery that the world should be able to view.

It's a dildo.

Okay.

You know.

Well, what is the.

Can we just talk?

Can I get a little background on what the dildo is?

Is it the first dildo on Saturn Island like the Dutch settlers brought there with them?

Or is it like pre-that, the Lenape Indians

made it guys?

Oh, okay.

So it's it's it's so fucking rare.

It's like it's something that like should be in a museum.

We find the cave absolutely.

And they were like

prehistoric motherfuckers.

There's paintings on the wall.

I like this.

I didn't notice this cave before.

Check it out.

Okay.

All right.

So I find it.

You're obligated to probably replace it.

I'm not giving it to anybody.

I'll loan it.

I'll loan from the Brian Quinn collection.

Okay.

But also, if I could sell it for a lot of money, I would do that.

What would be the circumstances?

What would have to happen in your life?

To sell it?

No, to sell it.

To use it?

To use it.

I would look to use it that first day.

What are you talking about?

What would have to happen is five hours, Pennsylvania.

First thing I would do.

You're not worried about some

crazy fucking change.

Why?

It's not going to me.

Did I make it to?

But it's all over your hands as you're

manually manipulating it to give pleasure.

After eons of, you know, just sitting in the dirt,

you know, it's you're magically using it for its original.

I've been with some pretty fun girls in my day, so I imagine it wouldn't be a problem.

I mean, when you're telling me you could talk somebody into, like, hey, this is a 250,000-year-old dildo.

I'd like to stick it in you.

Let's go.

I would bet.

I think even after only two years of marriage, Mary Peter would be like, okay, anything.

Anything to spice it up.

I don't think it would be a problem finding a woman to let you do that at all.

Because it's you.

By the end of the first day.

No, I think

Joe is not.

Average Joe is going going to be.

Do you think there are some women?

Well, within five hours?

No.

No, definitely not.

But there are women out there, I think, that definitely for an average Joe.

Girls are crazy, dude.

But they haven't been out there in a while.

They're not.

Okay, I get it.

They are.

Sexy animals.

Yeah.

But still, but they're not worried about leaving their mark on this fucking historical piece of history.

They might want to.

Yeah, right.

Right?

What if it breaks?

Oh, and you got to go to the hospital.

And then

they're like, famous Perv uses 250,000-year-old dildo for self-pleasure.

What's a copay on this?

No, it would be my first thought would be like, is who can I use this on and what are we getting up to?

But could anybody like relax enough to not think about what's inside them, though?

This is nasty.

Well, I assume you clean up.

You don't just dig it up in a dishwasher.

Yeah.

I know, but the fact of, well, like

some sort of like

prehistoric person had this in their body now, and now you have it in there.

I think the right girl loves that.

Yeah, I think she's like into it.

I wish we did video.

I want people to see Walt's face.

I mean,

unless you're

dating an archaeologist.

Did I say that right?

Not really.

Sure.

If you rush through it, no one will notice.

Like, who else is going to find this exhilarating?

I think you would be surprised if I.

Mischievous and naughty.

Saughty archolotologist.

I'll come in the room with a leather jacket and a fedora on a whip.

I think it'd be super easy, man, for anybody to get someone.

I think you're...

you're the victim of being BQ too long.

No.

You're basically the fawns of TSD Town.

No, I'm not talking about Richie and Potsy.

Dude, I have way less.

And Ralph Mouth are not like, which is all of TSD Town.

We're all fucking Richie's, Potsy's, and

Ralph Mouth's.

Can I at least be a Chachi?

We are not able to pull that off.

I disagree.

I think Johnson would be able to pull that off.

Yeah, he could too.

He's got that Svengoolie

body.

Body.

That's

what I mean.

Like mind control,

where he had, no, Svengali.

That's Svengoo.

Svengooli.

I don't know.

I don't think it was that hard.

I think there were women who would be into it.

Yeah.

Yeah, why not?

Yeah, I believe there are, but like, you gotta, I don't think that they are falling out of trees.

I think you gotta look

hard and far to find the chick that's like, okay, what is this?

I've seen many women put many things inside themselves.

It never seemed to be that trouble.

It does seem like, I mean, even when I put my dick at them, they're like, wait, how old is it?

It's prehistoric.

We can find this in occasion.

Captain, Captain!

Like I bursted through the door.

Small phallic facsimiles were ubiquitous in ancient Rome, often in mosaics, frescoes, and even pendants worn around the neck as tantric totems.

Nice.

However, researchers believe that this doppelwanger might have been used

for self-pleasuring purposes to

material and the fact that it's life-sized and disembodied.

It was in a fort, you said.

Wouldn't that mean that some soldiers got up to some shenanigans with each other?

Played a little game

of

hide the wood?

Could be.

I mean, they're all into that shit.

Yeah.

So

we'll see.

I don't know.

I wonder what its value is on the aftermarket.

Priceless.

In the night fair?

That would go.

A lot of money.

Maybe that's what you should look for the next time you're out at one of your night fairs, like some sort of sexually

something sexual because it seems all these monsters and carcasses you bring back are not lighting.

They're not paying off.

Yeah, they're not igniting the listeners' imaginations.

I have a line on a murder weapon, a gun, an old Navy revolver.

What happened to your nail?

Oh, I have it.

It's a nail, but I got to bring it in.

An old Navy gun?

Well, they're called Navy revolvers.

They're like old West guns.

Right.

And

one recently came

to my attention that was used in a murder on Staten Island.

Really?

A couple hundred years ago.

What kind of figures are you talking about, you think?

I don't like discussing that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I'm almost going to have that, so I can bring that that in.

All right.

And now that's fire.

Is that illegal to bring into Jersey?

Could you get in trouble?

It doesn't fire.

It's like, it's illegal.

It's buried.

Oh, it was like buried in the dirt.

It's all like.

Could I hold it to the back of Mary Beth's head while I fuck her?

Yeah?

For sure.

Absolutely.

I think it's pretty safe, too.

Safer than what?

Maybe people could borrow it.

So ancient Roman dildos, man.

Hey, man.

Good for them.

I got another sexy story, too.

This is great.

This guy, this was actually sent in.

This isn't something I found.

This was Shawnee Wilcox from Twitter.

Shawnee.

Sent this in.

Porn star Liam Ellis suffers debilitating penis injury during shoot.

He's a reformed drug dealer, biker, gang member, and then he broke his penis during a porn shoot.

This guy lives more in one day than probably we've lived in our entire lives.

Yeah, probably.

He turned his life around, Walt, since serving more than four years in prison for drug offenses.

He's from Australia.

The 34-year-old started selling drugs to pay off his tax debt.

That's what I'm about to do.

But has found a new career path since leaving jail and quitting his gang, pornography.

He's had sex with hundreds of females, so many that he lost count.

All right, I don't care about that shit.

I want to hear about how he broke it.

Oh, he explained that he felt something go while filming a particularly energetic scene.

I don't think anything of it at the time, but a while later, it turned completely black.

And he's a white guy.

I did some Googling.

It was pretty obvious.

I had what they call a penile fracture.

He underwent surgery and has been prescribed a drug to stop him from becoming too excited, which would put him in real trouble.

Here's a picture of the guy so you can get a

fucking fit doodle and covered in tattoos.

Covered in tats.

He added that he enjoyed his new career, which came a short time working in the offshore oil and gas industry.

And there's more money in OnlyFans than oil.

Wow.

I believe.

He says he loves acting.

He was performing a scene with

adult performer Kieran Lee when the injury happened.

Is Kieran Lee a female or male?

She's male.

She's female.

She's female.

She's female there.

I think that's her.

Okay.

Giant boobies.

Looks like she's broken.

She's broken.

She's broken a dick or two in her time.

All right.

Energetic.

That's what you get, man, for being too energetic, though.

Yeah, you got to ease into it, right?

Have you ever suffered a sexual injury, Walt?

Maybe just nothing down there, but maybe like a trolley horse at an inopportune time.

Those are the worst.

I find

you have to stand up and like, you know, walk off.

Walk it off.

And by the time you walk it off, walk in circles, she's done.

She's watching everybody loves her aim and you know there is no

coming back.

I get this thing where like if only if

This is going to be gross for most people, but only if only if I only if I'm doing somebody from behind.

Yeah.

It does this weird thing where I start getting cramps in my lower back, like really crampy to the point where I have to like sit down for like 50 days.

Did you talk to your doctor?

Nah.

I just don't do it from behind that much.

You're shutting yourself off from something that, you know, that maybe a doctor can

help you continue.

Yeah.

Maybe.

I ask him next time, I'm like, so when I'm doing my broad from behind.

Oh, okay, when you're doing it.

I thought you said, okay.

No, not when she's

pegging me.

Then I'm fine.

I got a sexy story.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, all right.

I hope so, because these last two are not that sexy.

There was

this bride

who, hours before her marriage, walked into the bathroom with her hairstylist

and caught her husband to be

breastfeeding from his mother.

Whoa.

Let's listen.

I know why you used the word sexy.

It all makes sense.

Now, I ask you,

do you think the marriage

was on still?

You think the wedding still happened?

Or do you say, you know, that's a deal breaker?

Well,

let's assume the guy is in his 20s, even, right?

Yeah.

He's 20.

Yeah.

How long can a woman lactate for?

It sounds not real, right?

Unless he was doing it the whole time.

I can can explain this to you.

All right.

He was 19.

Can you get him explained it to me?

I can explain this.

You don't need a 148 to explain this.

The guy was 19.

The mother was

38, 39, and she had just had a baby.

Oh, okay.

So he was able to, you know, get some

nourishment.

Can't marry him?

You can't marry that person.

Why?

Why?

Get some nourishment.

I know you like the table.

He was part,

but

this is going to be a hard one.

This is a difficult taste.

Leaving the table.

Come on, man.

You can't even like.

You can't even be like.

He claimed it had nothing to do about it.

It was

not sexual.

It doesn't matter.

It's not sexual.

He was hungry.

It has to be something sexual.

Oh, it's so weird.

There's so many other.

You can't.

You can't even.

How could you ever get that image out of your head?

How could you ever,

that's a rough one.

It's got to ruin your sex life.

You don't have sex with a guy who sucks on his mom's tits.

It's so weird.

But, okay, but if he was 18 years younger, it'd be okay.

If he was one?

Right?

I don't know.

Yes, or does he want to?

If he was 18 years younger, it wouldn't be okay.

If she was 18 years younger, then the problem I would have is why is she marrying a one-year-old would be my bigger problem.

I'd be like, that is probably the biggest problem.

Yeah, that's a bigger issue to me.

But

yeah, you can't do that.

No.

Okay.

Okay.

So you say the wedding did not go through.

Oh, I don't know if it did or not.

I'm saying it shouldn't have.

Bri, what do you think?

I think any reasonable person would be like, it's tough, though, man.

Like, wedding day, everybody's there.

All the money you put into this.

Your hairstylist.

Everyone's there.

You're just the only person who knows is the mother-in-law, the groom, the bride, and the hairstylist.

Four people.

That's it.

And now everybody wants to see.

Now the hairstylist broke the news.

Yeah, what a shocker.

It would be tough not to talk about it.

Like if I walked in on somebody or I was like styling somebody's hair,

and I walk in and I see that, like, I'm not going to tell you guys on the podcast.

It'd be weirder if like she swung in and started sucking at the other teeth.

Oh, yeah.

Hotter, you mean?

Now it's mom.

I'm going to say that the wedding did go off, that with all that pressure that she's a lot of pressure I'll deal with it yeah

this this won't happen again.

This was maybe some sort of mental distress because the day was so you know

so the pressure, you know, like he needed like needed to revert back to something I was familiar with.

No way.

No way.

Like the pressures of that day, that's probably the most pressure day of a

pressure by sucking your mom's tits.

Like you just don't.

It hadn't occurred to me on my wedding day like

something that might alleviate some anxiety oh my god you oh okay so

okay so you're the one that's most most recently married let's say let's say uh mary beth walked in on me and pam you and pam you're a hairstylist

i feel like i feel like she would have the sense to be like matt she would go through it i know she would she probably you're probably right you're probably right

i make up some stupid excuse I'm like, no, you don't understand.

Svengooley.

I think I could spangooie her into the get-married stuff.

I was nervous.

This is my big day.

You know, come on.

Just like, this is how I get close to my mom.

You know,

you know.

She just gave birth at 76.

Well, you're right.

Yes.

The wedding did go on.

Oh, my God.

How?

You just put it out of your mind, man.

You just block it.

You just

think about it.

You just plow through that shit.

No.

Pretend you never saw it.

Right?

It didn't happen.

It most certainly happened.

It's happened before, but it's going to happen again.

No, it can't happen ever again.

Okay, why?

Because he promised me.

He promised.

Okay.

He promised.

My question is:

Is it like a fetish where he has to do it?

Or it's like his thing?

Well, or is it a comfort?

Dating at his side of the story.

Right.

I would like to.

I'd love to hear his side.

I got another sexy story.

Have you guys heard of Tiger Woods?

I have here and there.

In big trouble because

he gave an opponent to psych him out a tampon.

I heard about this.

Oh, yeah, I heard about this too.

And you know, and he had to apologize because

he implied that his opponent was playing like a girl.

Right.

And I swear to God, during the last Picnic Olympics, I was going to to give the losing team tampons.

And I couldn't believe it when I saw this story.

But then I thought better.

Man, you dodged a bullet.

I thought better of it when Frank said he was bringing Mrs.

Five.

I was like, I'm not going to do that.

Mrs.

Five fucked that up for us.

I don't want to live in a world where you can't bust your friend's balls.

I mean, that's a great fucking thing.

He wasn't at a fucking, at a, at a press conference being like, I'd like to give my friend tampung.

Yeah, he like, he was very, like, he slipped it to him.

No, he put it in his golf bag.

Oh, did he?

Like, you know, I was like, uh-huh, you know, like,

it's just like, it's just how you psyche your personality.

Everybody knows, everybody knows that it's stupid and juvenile.

Everybody.

Including Tiger Woods.

That's the point.

Like, you're allowed to have stupid and juvenile humor.

Like, you have to be.

You have to be.

You're not.

Only if you buy into it and then turn around and apologize.

His fucking persona could take an even bigger hit than it did.

Like, give me a fucking break.

Right.

He's fucking fucking all these broads.

He's driving under the influence of pills or whatever.

I've been more outraged about this.

It seemed like the news was fucking going after him relentlessly.

That's pretty, that's pretty.

That sounds like an overreaction to me, man.

Of course it is.

That's what people love to do.

It's just goofy bullshit.

It's

not hurting anybody.

That's fucking funny.

It's funny.

It always will be funny.

It's funny because it's stupid.

They missed the point.

Stupidity is the point.

Yeah.

It's tough to live in a world where this is the patriarchy and misogyny and this and that.

Where I can't give one of you guys a tampon and it not be funny.

You don't want to live in that world?

No, I don't.

I want to be able to just be like.

I want to be able to receive a tampon and it be funny.

You know?

I don't want somebody jump out of my mic.

I promise you, if you die before me, I'll be slipping tampons into your fucking pocket, in my nose, and shit.

In his mouth.

He would have loved it.

He would have loved it.

I can't imagine something funnier than you putting a fucking tampon in my my mouth while I'm in my cascut, and now my parents are coming up to see me.

Edgar's like, what is that?

He wants to go on a fucking apology tour.

That's a little harder to publicly fucking talk about than slipping your friend the tampon, like slipping a tampon on your friend's corpse in front of his parents.

That's a little harder to be like, I was practically joking.

But you wouldn't be wrong if you were like.

You wouldn't be wrong.

He would have loved it.

Like, you'd be 100% right.

You could play in this episode like you wanted.

He practically begged for it.

That sucks, man.

Yeah, poor Tiger has gone on the apology tour, though, because of that.

God damn it, man.

Yeah, but he doesn't mean the apology, and he's just got to do it for a week, and then he could have all of your life sometimes.

They start giving people tampons again.

That's completely fine.

But, I mean, who told on him?

The guy?

I think he did it in public.

He did.

I saw a picture where it looked like he was slipping it into something or to somebody's hand or whatever,

but in his golf bag.

But now, with the reaction of that,

we're going to see less dudes doing that to

their friends and shit.

Oh, wait, we're pretending that girls are as good as guys at sports?

Is that the basis for this whole fucking thing?

Oh, okay.

Now I get it.

Now I see why they're mad.

It depends on the sport.

Depends on the sport.

Yeah.

I agree with you.

I would say a woman would be better at women's basketball than I would.

Oh, definitely.

Yeah.

But wouldn't be better at men's basketball.

Oh, you got it.

Oh, they would also be better at men's basketball than me.

That's for sure.

Yeah, Brittany Griner's back, I see.

Good.

From Russia?

Good.

Good old America.

Got her fucking back.

Holding her tight to her bosom.

Yeah, I'm glad we got her back.

I don't think she had any more negative things to say about the country.

Look, being an American means you could say negative things about your country.

Being a Russian means you can't keep your paws on an American.

Yeah, but being an American means you can't slip your buddy at Tampon and fucking.

was a that was good.

You like that?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You are, you are really, like, I've I've said this.

Um,

I know I can't stop hearing the praises from Giddam for my wife, but I have praised you, Giddam.

I mean, uh, you,

to my wife, because I

count you as probably the most level-headed,

the person who gives the best advice of anybody that I know.

Oh, wow.

He does give great advice.

I agree with you.

Like, he would talk about Mosier early on

about how

sage-like and how wise and how comforting he was to Q.

I think Q has fucking learned and really become that Mosier-like person.

You saved me many times.

Many times.

I appreciate that.

Amazing.

It's all second-hand Mosier advice.

That's all I give.

And I've been waiting to ask you this, what I should do because you've been gone.

I'm buying a washing machine.

Giddam wasn't available.

Yeah, what do you think about the rent cycle?

What am I looking for?

Because I don't have a lot of water power,

water pressure.

No, but really, something happened,

and

it was awkward.

And I don't know if I should address it any longer, and I wanted to get your opinion on it.

I was out to eat with my

eight-year-old niece and her father.

And they were talking about a school project where

the niece would have to dress up like an historical figure.

And they had a list of figures that they could choose from.

And I said, ooh, let me guess which one you picked.

Because she had already picked who she was going to be.

And she was starting naming off the names.

And I was like, nah.

And then she said, now,

I rarely do this.

I rarely, when I'm not around

you guys or my friends, I rarely try to make a joke.

That's not me.

I'm not there like I'm not cha-cha-cha for like for everybody for the people in my life like i i'm sure everybody thinks that like i'm the most dry

lack any sense of humor at all from the people in my family you're the you're the human

right yeah

yeah i'm just totally vanilla milk sop just there's no like edge at all right so i tried this one time and i stepped in it big time

And I want to know if I should, what I should do, if anything.

Okay.

So she mentions another historical figure.

Stand on your joke and never back down.

Well, that's what happened is I did back down.

And backing down, this is why it's so horrendous.

Oh, no.

She's naming all these names of like these women that she's supposed to dress up as and go to school as.

And what they do is they stand still like wax figures.

And like another student will come over and press a button.

And then she's supposed to come to life and spout facts about that person.

Got you, dressed like that person, okay.

And she said, Rosa Parks.

Oh, and I was going to make, like, oh, you don't want to do, I was going to make a blackface joke to an eight-year-old.

I stopped myself, and I said, Oh, you don't want to do that because, and I just stopped.

Uh-huh.

And then they all looked at me like, and I didn't say anything.

Well, but I think the reasonable thing to say is, like, she can't go as Rosa Parks.

She's white.

It's that simple.

Well, they, but they offered her, but the opportunity be Rosa Parks.

And I was going to make a joke about getting canceled,

and I stopped myself in the middle of it, and everybody's just staring at me like all I said was, oh, you want to go with her?

Right.

And that's all I said.

She's uppity.

And I didn't know what to say.

And everyone's just staring at me.

And I just was like, I just took a drink of soda.

Kept my mouth shut.

And my wife was like, don't address it.

I'm like, should I just tell like the father off, like pull him aside and be like, hey, look,

I was going to say this.

I don't think you've got to do anything, buddy.

I think they all understand where you're coming from.

You'd think so without having to say.

All I said was, like, oh, you don't want to be her.

We did.

Yeah.

We did immediately understand.

Like, the eight-year-old might be like, I don't understand.

Okay.

But the adults fucking surely should.

But I was going to explain it even more, though, like, because you'll get, you know, you don't want to do this just to do that.

Her parents should have stopped her from doing this.

Well, people love jokes.

You have to explain.

And you would just let it die.

My wife said, that's what my wife said.

And Giddam said that, too.

Yeah, just let it go, man.

There's nothing to be be gained.

Like, what are you going to explain away or fix?

Just like that nagging.

They all knew what you meant.

But who do you feel is judging you?

I felt like the, like, because they all looked at me like, well, finish your sentence.

Do I have to?

It's like you're making me finish a sentence.

You can't go with Rosa Parks.

I just can't.

Like, I was saying something like, like, hateful.

Like, oh, you want to go with her?

Like, why?

Oh, like you were being racist.

Yeah.

So I'm afraid that they've.

Should have busted into me, Chinese.

They knew exactly what you mean.

You think so?

I feel like it's, I don't even think they'd be able to function in society today if they didn't know what you meant.

Yeah, I think it's fine.

Okay.

And I was just worried about it because every time I see them, I'm wondering if they're thinking about that horrible joke that I stopped at the end of the day.

You know, they might have, they might, I don't even know what side of the spectrum on.

They're one of two people.

They're either like, well, my daughter can do whoever they want.

I don't care about that.

Fuck you, right?

Or they might be like, or the opposite end where they're like, no, this information has to get out about this person, and you know, my daughter will help facilitate that.

But either way, you don't want to talk to those people about it, like they have their opinions,

we don't ever talk politics.

That's it, great.

This was as close as it ever came, and then I just looked.

What was the rest of your joke?

I'm curious.

Did you have anything?

Well, it was like, Oh, you don't want to do that, man.

You'll get canceled.

You'll get thrown out of school.

Like, if you do it, if you go in there with like, you know, like an Al Jolson.

Well, for sure.

A hundred-year-old reference.

That's why I stopped.

Surely.

You don't still know who Al Chilson is.

They don't listen to this episode, though.

Oh, I gotta hope not.

And it never comes up.

You could be like, what I meant to say was, but I didn't want to give any.

But then I decided it's not my place.

Was like, since obviously she's white and she can't play Rosa Parks, maybe what she could do is like put a picture of Rosa Park on an easel and be the wax figure that gets activated that talks about her life and her time.

So like she's more of of a tour guide than playing Rosa Park.

She's like, this is Rosa Park.

You could say that's how I meant to end the sentence, but then I decided I didn't want to be the person.

It was just so awkward how I just stopped and then just took a drink and just pretended like I fucking

stopped talking and ever waiting for me to finish my sentence, and I just never went back to it.

They knew it.

You did the right thing by stopping and talking about it, and you're doing the right thing by never talking about it again.

All right.

That's what everyone's told me.

Myself, don't ever bring it up again.

Don't try to explain it.

You're just going to make make it worse.

I don't think it's that bad anyway.

I think everybody understood.

Because you're not wrong.

In a heartbeat, she would be viral.

If she went as Rosa Parks and Blackface.

I don't think they were going to do that.

Yeah, they probably would.

But even if they don't use Blackface, even if they don't use it.

No, I just, yeah, I got a feeling that they were just going to go

and just do facts about Rosa.

I think you might have done them a favor.

Dude, you can't even eat a fucking taco anymore without somebody being like, that's cultural appropriation.

Well, you can eat it.

You just can't make it.

You can't make it.

Yeah, you're right.

An authentic Mexican person has to make it.

That's only where I get my tacos from.

I secretly get them at home.

I don't tell anybody that.

I'm glad that you thought I did the right thing then.

I'm happy to hear it.

Yeah, you definitely did.

That's me saying it.

Okay.

I'm not even fighting for it.

You should have said it anyway, man.

You should have fucking brought it down to the house.

Oh, boy.

What a show.

What a show.

What an episode, boys.

Good to be back.

I don't think I have anything else in here in my notes.

I think I got to everything.

You want to do an I Buy Comics?

We'll do an I Buy Comics for Patreon if you're on Patreon.

Yeah, good.

Patreon.com/slash tell them Steve.

We'll drop it in March if you're listening now.

I know big people have been asking for it, so we're going to follow this up with an I Buy Comics until next week.

Be back next week, you'll be back next week.

All right.

We'll be back on a regular schedule.

All right.

That's what we need.

Here's a tampon wall.

Tell them, Steve, Dave.