#546: Material Boyz

When I'm like, hey, Mary Beth, whip your clit out.

Like, I know when she she does it, I know what I'm looking at.

He's put his finger in my my butt.

If we went on a double date with our urologists, we'd be crazy.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave, Q-Free.

Walt.

He's out being famous, being fancy.

Do you believe this fucking guy?

I thought he's on the Gold Coast.

He's on the West Coast.

I think the Gold Coast is Australia, right?

I believe.

Golden State, then.

He's in the Golden State.

West Coast.

Instead, and we have to.

It takes two

asses to fill that seat.

And they're sitting on the same seat.

Frank Five

and Giddem are both here.

Giddam, we have a delightful story later on to recount.

Yes.

I want to start out by thanking, first I got to thank Randy Falk from NECA,

the toy company.

He made

NECA made Sage's birthday extremely special.

I put a picture up on our Instagram if you're wondering what it is.

It's Tellem Ants, T-E-L-L-E-M-A-N-T-S.

Should be a Z, but that was before the whole Z thing.

We went for, I had Victor come with us.

Victor and Alex came and they shot a little birthday video that I'll put up on YouTube if anybody wants to check it out.

But holy shit,

what an effort they made, I gotta say.

You go to the place and it's a toy studio, design studio/slash warehouse kind of place.

So we took a tour of it, checked everything out.

And then there's a room that they put off to the side where they had set up a special presentation of Chucky stuff for Sage.

Oh, Oh, wow.

It was extremely impressive.

Did you get any details

about the business?

Like, how much does it cost to get a Chucky license?

Did you get that?

That's what I was saying.

I didn't get any of that, but I did mention that maybe we'd make a return trip for Broside, and Randy seemed into it.

Oh my God, I would love it.

Randy seemed into it.

Like, that's what I think we may even need to include Sunday Jeff on.

Maybe you mean a collector's corner.

Collector's Corner?

Anything.

But you think they would give out

those kind of numbers, or do you you think that's like

the close to the vest?

Close to the vest.

Yeah, I doubt they would tell us.

Maybe get like a round number like, yeah.

What's in the ballpark?

That's what I'd like to know.

They have so many

licenses, so many different franchises that they make merchandise off of.

Right.

Yeah, it must be like a, it's got to be multi-billion dollar company, right?

Mecca?

Yeah.

I don't know.

I got to say, when I walked into the building, it did not, it wasn't like Funco.

Like, I walked into Funco, and it's a massive building that has like multiple floors.

They got slides, they got all this other shit.

But I gotta say, like, walking into NECA, I was like, if I was good at art, I was good at designing shit, this would be a fucking awesome place to work.

It's like a bunch of dudes sitting around just listening to some music, designing toys.

Everybody's desk is completely, like, there's not a square inch of space you can see.

Every square inch of space has a toy on it.

All the wall space.

His desk looks like that.

Yeah, it's not all food and shit, though.

It's like

toys.

There's some zippos on my desk.

But yeah, anyway, a huge thanks to Randy and Neka.

You can follow him on Instagram if you want.

Oh, when you're done, can I do my Instagram shout-out too?

Do you have an Instagram shout-out?

I have an Instagram shout-out.

Yeah,

I got

an aunt, a listener.

I don't want to say what he hooked me up with

because

I don't want to get him in trouble.

It has been legalized in New Jersey, though.

You know, walls, illegal activities got nothing to do with fun shit.

Yeah, usually mine deal with TV and

piracy.

But he has an Instagram he would love for us to pimp, and it's instagram.com slash

Infinity

Studio.

Infinity Cube Studio.

I don't know if, like, that's what, is that the whole thing?

That's the, like,

I'm not even good at reading.

Oh, yeah, it's Infinity Cube Studio

is the hashtag.

And I checked it out.

Like, they've done work with the NFL.

So

it's pretty wild.

Yeah, this is a legit company.

And

I'll tweet this

also, like, a link to it so people can check it out, too, on the Twitters.

But,

you know, I owe this dude big time.

I won't say why.

Nobody's business.

No, that's how I got in trouble.

That's why I learned my lesson in the past.

That was one of the greatest stories of all time.

Don't reveal.

Don't reveal anything.

Take it to the grave.

Stitches get stitches.

Hey, Walter, so sorry I had to interrupt the episode with another ad.

But I just real quick wanted to send out another announcement about the t-shirt I designed for Tim's Corner Comics.

They're going fast, so fast that Tim no longer has any size larges left.

But if you're a size small, medium, XL, 2X, or 3X, then Tim can ship you out a shirt today.

Just call him at 309-794-0333.

Man, that reminds me of the old school booty times we used to do at the Stash, taking orders over the phone.

Old-fashioned commerce.

And that's just what you get at Tim's Corner Comics.

That good old-fashioned personal connection.

But if you're one of those types of people that, you know, they just don't want to talk on the phone, well, Tim's Corner Comics has you covered.

You can PayPal him as well at Tim's Corner Comics at gmail.com.

You know, PayPal a credit card or, you know, either will work.

And that's 309-794-0333.

Ask for Jared.

And,

you know, pick up one of those t-shirts today because they're going fast.

All right.

All right.

Back to the show.

And one more thing.

I doubt you're on

Who Are These Podcasts Patreon.

Maybe you are.

And if you are, you will see me tomorrow.

I'm doing a Who Are These podcast with my buddy Carl.

And that comes out Sunday, I think, on iTunes and all that other shit.

We're going to be reviewing a podcast about clitorises.

Oh, clitoris.

I guess so.

I've listened to about half of it.

It's a rough listen.

That's what he does.

He listens to podcasts that are nearly unlistenable.

What's up?

It's a medical one, or is it like it's not trying trying to be funny?

No, it's these two women talking.

Yes, these two women talking about how people have ignored clitorises and they're a mystery and this and that and all the other.

You're a professor, right?

They're still

true.

Is it clitoronic clitoris?

I thought the G-spot was more of like the mystery.

Like when I'm like, hey, Mary Beth, whip your clit out.

Like, I know when she does it, I know what I'm looking at.

I know for sure.

Like, I didn't think the clit was that big of a mystery, especially, you know, to, but they, of course, they blame men.

You know, back in the 1600s.

For what, though?

Back in the 1600s when this anatomist was writing a book, I guess they didn't pay enough attention to the clit.

And because.

And if more attention is paid to it, what will be the benefits of that?

Women will receive more sexual pleasure.

Which I think, like, look, man, I know that at one time this were shit to complain about.

Whatever it is, and tell us what to do and tell us how to do it.

There's no shortage of guys who are like, I don't know,

like who will run up

like it's life support, that they need it to fucking live.

They will do whatever it is you tell them.

There's plenty of dudes out there that will fucking do it gladly.

24-7.

But you got to watch out, though, because some people have got.

No, don't spill that yet.

Don't ruin that yet.

I know where he's going.

I can read his fucking dopey mind.

Cut that out.

Yeah, who are these podcasts?

I have a lot of fun doing it.

I really like the show a lot.

I've been a fan for quite some time.

I'm on their Patreon.

That's how into it I am.

You support another podcast Patreon.

Yes, I do.

I do.

We got to talk about that.

You know, I could quit, and his number would go down by one.

But all the Patreon for us.

I was wondering:

do you think does Madonna

have a real friend?

Not hangers-on, not sycophants, not acquaintances, not business people, but does Madonna have a real friend in her life?

If she does,

it's somebody who was friends with her prior to her becoming famous, or it's someone on the same level as her.

I thought she was friends with Rosie.

Greer?

No, Rosie O'Donnell.

Rosie Perez.

Any number of Rosies.

No, you look good, Madonna.

What are you talking about?

Because we talked recently about the

Madonna tour video announcement.

Did you see it, Frank?

I saw it.

It was horrible.

It's cringe-worthy, right?

And

everybody there is kissing her ass, going along with it, whatever.

That's what they're there for.

You kind of get it.

But this latest thing with the Grammys, where Madonna has taken some lumps lumps for her cosmetic surgery,

I'm wondering, like,

there's the fans, you know, a certain segment of the fans who will say it's fine.

She's whatever.

Then there's the other contingent,

the people who aren't really fans, people like us.

I know, I slid it closer so I could hear, so I could, because I could not hear myself as well.

Don't worry.

While pointing out me moving them like a centimeter.

He's good at directions.

Yeah, he is.

He really is a great, like I went to photo because you were so reserved when you were younger, but you really are a great take-charge kind of person.

You're a good leader.

Is it good or is it bad?

Because

it could be tiresome, I think, though.

Well, I think you're giving Frank turn-by-turn directions on the way to lunch today, which was a good 45-minute drive.

That could get to some people.

I think he needed it.

What's that?

I think he needed it.

Well, he says his GPS hasn't been updated in five years.

But it still would have gotten us there i think i i don't think i needed to be so nervous anyway

um

so with madonna you know she goes on and she's like you know i would think that instant and there's a certain level of uh

i guess there's a certain level of of truth to her point which is like instead of focusing on my looks

Everybody should have been listening to my message, which is the same fucking tired message that everybody's been trotting out for the past fucking couple years anyway.

But the thing with somebody like Madonna is nobody at that table in the tour video was willing to tell her, like, Madonna, you look fucked up.

People on.

It's too late.

People on the internet.

Right.

Yeah.

I mean, what are you going to say then?

People on the internet say it, and that's her reaction.

Because nobody is in...

And Madonna has no one in her life to be like, Madonna, they're right.

Like, you can, look.

You can do whatever you want.

Obviously, we live in a society where you can be what you want.

You can look how you want, nobody fucking can say anything, otherwise you get bullshit for it.

So Madonna, yes, she can spend her, God knows how much money on cosmetic surgery and all this other bullshit.

And

she should be able to do whatever she wants.

But don't ask us as a society not to notice.

That's all, like, that's all I'm saying is like, look,

you either have a funhouse mirror at home that makes you look normal and that's why you don't think this is an issue, or you don't have anybody in your life to be like, whoa,

slow your role with these fucking cosmetic surgeries because you're starting to look like a space alien.

Well, you don't need to be on video to get your message across.

It helps.

It does help, but like you could show a visual and talk over it.

And then you wouldn't have people focusing on your looks.

They'd be focusing space already.

Well, she's at the Grammys.

I mean,

it's pretty much understood that so.

So you're going to say, don't focus so much on my looks.

Focus on my...

I didn't think you were going to say message.

I thought you were going to say focus on my music, which is what she was and is known for.

No, no, no.

And that doesn't matter anymore, right?

She's there to educate you because

you're so immersed in your own ageism and misogyny.

And let me, I really wish somebody would tell Madonna, like, look, a lot of the comments I saw about her looks were not coming from guys.

Right.

Women are shittier to other women about their looks than guys could ever be.

So stop fucking blaming men for everything.

Stop blaming men.

Like, yes, is that what got you to 40 years of fucking success?

Yeah.

And being called the queen of pop?

There's only one other rival, and he's dead now.

The king of pop is dead.

He died.

Now we have the queen of pop who is considered Madonna.

How the fuck?

I don't know if she's the queen anymore.

I thought it was.

No, I mean, I

probably Beyoncé.

Maybe like Queen Emeritus.

What does that mean?

She's not dead yet, though, right?

Is it Emeritus after?

No, I thought like Emeritus is like in

after you're gone.

Yeah.

After you've given up the throne.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But like,

does she.

But she's been around longer.

She's had more

longevity than, say, a Beyoncé.

Or a Britney or a Christina Yalera.

Is that longevity built upon

still making popular music or is it based upon

from that her back catalog being so iconic that like she doesn't even does she even try to make new music like she's going on tour right she's going on tour i don't know that it's behind a new album but she has put out a new album within the past couple of years

and it's and it's but you know and it's not to say it's not to diss her and everything but it's like it's just like every other artist at a certain point you know no one gives a fuck about your your new music you you crossed over that line i don't know where that imaginary line is but it's almost for every single artist, be it music, sometimes movies, sometimes guys are able to

break that age line

and continue to make entertainment that is

digested well by the public.

But we don't want the new stuff, we want the stuff that we want the hits.

We're accustomed to, yeah, play taking care of business, and that's it.

When I was

in jokes,

When I was glossing over, I was just waiting to say what I had to say.

When I went to Blue October, I asked the guy about that,

the main singer dude.

He's like, it's not fair to have all these people who have been fans for decades maybe

come to a show and expect to hear the hits that they love and they want to hear over the years.

And you just fucking punch them in the face with nonstop new music.

He's like, that's just not right to do to people.

That's a smart business decision.

Yeah, I agree.

And mostly it has to be done or else you're not going to fill those seats.

And that's the only way now you make money as an artist

because you're not making album sales cash anymore.

Do you think if artists keep doing that, though, then they're going to lose fans?

I mean, who's going to want to go and see multiple concerts or, you know, if you're going to constantly be playing new songs?

Well, it depends how deep your catalog is.

Like, the Stones have such a massive catalog, they can do a different set list every night.

You know, like Metallica can do a different set list.

Not like they have a lot of hits, but their fan base, they have a lot of albums, so they can do some deep cuts one night and some deeper cuts the next night.

Well, is that what they're doing this tour?

Like it's two-night tours?

Okay.

But

I don't know.

I mean,

there are so many people sending messages.

Like Madonna's message is probably,

you know,

it's coming from an elder statesman, a stateswoman at this point.

And

a younger, more like

hipper artist, maybe the message is more,

maybe more people pay attention to it.

Is she saying that people aren't paying attention to her message?

I think that people aren't paying attention to her message.

They're paying attention to her looks instead, which if I were her, I would be like, hmm, if all these people are saying the same thing, then maybe.

And it's also like, we don't give a fuck about your message, Madonna.

Fucking 10 other people who came out before you gave the same fucking message.

What was that?

We know.

Ageism, misogyny, racism, this-ism, that-ism, all that bullshit.

We got it, Madonna.

Yeah, I would think like Madonna would be coming from a

position where she really can't talk on some of those things.

Well, she just came out as gay, don't you know?

Just?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

I remember when she kissed Britney on stage.

That's the book.

The aughts?

That book, Sex.

The band video.

Yeah.

What was the banned video?

She had one of those videos like Kim K?

No, she had a video on MTV that would only play after midnight because it showed women kissing and stuff.

I thought it was like the

religious stuff, too.

No.

Like they didn't want to play because of the religious overall.

I think the cold, hard truth that she doesn't want to admit and a lot of people don't want to admit is

even

if

she looked quote-unquote normal,

the message would have got the same amount of interest, her message, because she's just, she's kind of on the other side of relevant she's on the other side of relevant and it's also just like look oh for some reason it's not because how she looks no people are done being lectured they're just done being lectured about everything you're doing wrong and and and and the blame that comes with with like people noticing her looks it's like no it's not because of misogyny it's not because of ageism It's because you're a 65-year-old woman.

Is she that old?

Yes, who's gotten so much fucking plastic surgery that like her face is distorted to the point where she looks like that.

Remember that cat woman, that millionaire Jocelyn Wildenstein, yeah, like she got all that plastic surgery, then her husband divorced her or whatever.

That like that's who she looks like.

So it's like I said earlier, it's like people are going to notice.

And people, like, if I came in with fucking, I had gotten liposuction and I had high cheekbones

and all this shit, like you guys would notice.

And that's what people are doing.

And whether it made me look better or worse,

isn't the point.

Is it incredibly naive to think that you do a new Patreon video and you have all that work done?

Do you think the comments are going to be, oh, that was so funny, or the great message, guys?

Or is it going to be like, why does Bri look so fucking good?

What did he do to his face?

What did he do that God didn't do?

It's just not, I don't want to say natural, but that's just how human beings are.

That's how they're built.

But she was the thing that's funny about her is she was okay

40 years ago with people paying attention to her body, yeah, right?

Shoot, she went out of her way

to become a sexy picture and made a book.

She made a book called Sex, Sex and the Sexy Videos, and the rolling around on stage.

And now, all of a sudden, that it's a little bit of a negative

comments are happening.

Now it's like, well, don't pay attention to my body.

But you built a career, half of it was on that.

And you probably

did the work that you got done was so people would still pay attention to your body and you were and still remain

uh almost trying to remain timeless and like ageless, right?

Yeah, like you don't get that much work done if you think you look great, right?

Like, I remember the cone bras and everything, she'd always be like tweaking it on stage and stuff, yeah, tweaking it, like I thought you meant twerking it.

No, no, she would like she had like the cones covered her breasts, and she'd be like on stage like this, yeah, okay,

which it's far sexier when she does it, Yeah.

It's pretty sexy.

Get him twisting his tits over here.

Get himself a purple and her pull.

One thing I think that would help Madonna is if she became, say, a Miundi spokeswoman.

Maybe some Miundi's girdles, some of Myundi's cone bras.

Who knows?

You know?

She'd be in a better mood if she was wearing Miundis.

She definitely would be.

She wouldn't be so pissy.

Yeah.

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I never don't wear them.

It's so weird that you have the phrase bunched up.

I remember the days before meundies, before I was wearing meundies, that, you know, if I wore like

especially tight pair of jogging pants, you know, you would see my bunched up underwear.

And like, you know, Deb would always be like, you know, do something about that bunched up underwear.

You look like I got a load in your pants, son.

You might not have noticed, but like, I would notice, like, when you would walk, you would like shake that one leg out trying to unbunch it.

Since the advent of meundies, though.

Something of the pest.

Yeah, I haven't even thought about that.

That uncomfortable feeling when you sit down and you feel you're bunched up underwears.

Right.

It's just awful.

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Frank, you got to get into this, man.

I want to try it.

You got to try it because I'm wearing Walmart tidy whiteys right now.

And it's horrible.

I can kind of tell the way you drive.

There's like, I mean,

you wouldn't even think that you're from America wearing that shit.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

That's the kind of stuff that that

we would send to another country to be charitable, but not really.

Like, kids are wearing last year's Super Bowl losers shirts.

Right, yeah.

Frank's

style of underwear.

Yeah, exactly.

So to get 25% off your first order, as well as free standard shipping, go to meundis.com slash T-E-S D.

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That's a promise.

Wow.

Can you believe that?

No, I can't.

They're going to give it to you for free if you're like, these suck.

But you're not going to say that.

Yeah, you're definitely not going to say that.

There's no possible way to say that.

But once you slide them on, it is like

when

Wizard of Oz goes from black and white to color.

It's just life-changing.

I was talking to Ming.

We did a Patreon the other day.

We did some purveyors, posers, and playlists at Ming's studio.

And Ming

went out of his way to tell me what went to the diner afterwards that he does not pay for flights and tables at the cons.

I think I gave some misinformation, some disinformation.

I'm surprised it even was allowed.

It wasn't scrubbed from the internet.

Yeah, I'm surprised.

We're in shadow band.

Got seasoned assist.

Yeah, I guess it was on a space monkeys.

I said to Q, I was like, I just don't understand the business model.

He must be paying for this shit and then hoping to make, you know, enough to cover it.

But he says, no,

his flights are paid for.

His table space is afforded him.

His hotel is paid for.

So he's still doing it.

And sometimes he still gets guarantees, which I found shocking.

Does he need a manager?

How many years has the show been off the air?

2016, right?

Was the last.

Shit.

So over

2017?

Over half a decade.

And there's still some cons

paying for the privilege.

to have Ming Chen appear.

All the pop culture that's come since we went off the air.

All those people, all those actors, actresses could still be at that con.

And yeah, they still have made, I mean, he's a little guy, so you don't need much room, but they've still managed to fit Ming Chen in there.

You got card tables.

Yeah,

a TV tray.

With a hungry man dinner on top of it.

Wow.

That is surprising.

Public apologies to Ming for undermining his business.

This doesn't happen very often.

Apologies from Brian Johnson.

Usually you got to drag them.

We'd still like to do that.

Even if I know goddamn well I'm wrong,

it's still an effort.

What else, dude?

I had something else here I wanted to ask you guys about.

There's my list of shit here.

Oh,

I was wondering if you thought this is weird.

I go to a urologist who listens to tell him Steve Dave.

This is the same urologist or doctor, it turned out that when Walt was in the hospital, said hello to him and was like, hey, I'm a fan, you know,

I dig your stuff, whatever.

See, I have a troll fan.

Now,

my question is, is it, would it be weird to hang out with your doctor as a friend?

Because you met him.

He's a fucking, he's a great guy.

So it turns out we both go, we didn't know it, but we go to the same urologist and it's the practice.

So there's multiple doctors at this practice.

That's obviously,

you know, and then that doctor who I talked to the day after my surgery,

you know, he introduced himself as being one of the doctors in the practice.

But, could we have, yeah, absolutely.

I don't think it'd be weird at all.

I mean, we, I would, I mean, look at the friendships that I have developed since Telm C, Dave have started.

And

yeah, me and Frank have become really good friends.

And, Grant, I mean, I haven't had to show him my junk.

Yeah, yet.

That's my question.

It didn't happen.

But I would.

Which is it?

There'd be no reason why I wouldn't.

He was like, Let me take a look at that and see what's wrong with it.

Yeah.

Dr.

Frank tickets.

I am a teacher, a professor.

Let me get in there.

I'll take a look at it.

Now, the question is: at any point while you're hanging out, do you ask him for like free medical advice?

Well, here's some of my questions right now.

Oh, he's as we know, Frank is want to do.

Yes.

That was my question.

Yeah, like,

would I purposely avoid the topic of urology or my own personal issues?

You know,

you would.

Would you be like self-conscious?

Like,

is it okay if he sees me drinking this?

Should I be drinking this and stuff?

No, he would want me to drink more water.

Yeah, like, would he chide me if we say we went out to like Buffalo Wild Wings?

And I'm like, I'll take a Diet of Coca-Cola Lab.

And he's like,

water would be better.

I would want him to because not only isn't he my friend, but he's also my doctor.

Right.

I want him him looking out for me.

Very rare that you have that combination.

Yeah.

You want somebody telling you what to do?

Oh, I know.

When you go to restaurants or I enjoy it.

He's married, isn't he?

Yeah, there's nothing.

Yeah, I could absolutely

like if we went on a double date with our urologists.

Right.

I don't want to call it a date, but like, you know,

we go to see Ant-Man.

There's nothing weird about that.

I don't think so.

And then we go out to eat afterwards, and he's like, Walter, no cola,

drink some cranberry juice.

And then your guy's got to keep up with my guy because he's like, Yeah, Brian,

you can't.

You can't be out-doctored.

But then my other thing was, I was like, okay, so I've been going to this dude for probably five years now.

Yeah.

About five years, maybe six.

So every time I've seen him,

he's put his finger in my butt.

That hasn't happened to me yet.

That's crazy.

But I'm like, can I hang out with a guy who's had his finger in my butt every time I see him?

And then I was like, well, Mike and Mink make it work.

Is that all leading to that?

Well, wait a minute, though.

I'm a little

not that

to happen when I go, but I'm glad it hasn't happened yet.

But why hasn't it happened?

It should.

Yeah, why isn't it?

Why is it that you're that that's always happening when you go?

It's a must happen.

He insists on it.

No, you know what?

Yeah.

I'm just like, what the hell?

Where's the clutter?

No, like whenever I go into, I go every six months.

So I guess basically I'm getting, he's checking the prostate prostate every six months.

I had like a high count of PCA.

I think it was PSA.

PSA.

Yeah, like I had a high PSA, so I think that's why he.

Public school announcement?

No.

Not public service announcement.

Public service announcement?

I feel like I should know what it stands for, but I don't.

Giddam will research

So I think that's why he does it.

And he's giving me the opportunity to.

I know why I haven't had it happen.

Why is that?

Because the first time I went in there, it was obviously enlarged.

There's no reason for him to be like, oh, fucking water is wet and your prostate is fucking too fat because that's why you can't pee.

Oh, yeah, because you hadn't gone up to that point.

So that's why he had, yeah.

So then when I and now, when I had my post-surgery, there's no reason to check it because he said in my lifetime, it can never grow that big again.

Right, but you could develop like something.

Nope.

Yeah,

nope.

He gave me this guarantee.

I signed off on.

Good for 10 years or 20,000 miles.

A prostate-specific antigen.

Okay.

This is like that clitoris podcast you were talking about.

Are we as analytical?

And educative as

this is about us.

Educative is that a reason?

We've been educating our owners for a while now.

It works.

I think we might be as informational.

We're definitely not as angry about it.

Did you read this thing in the 60s and 100s that this doctor said about the fact that?

That's what they're mad about.

Everybody's mad about shit that happened hundreds of years ago.

It's like since then, progress has happened.

People have been like, okay.

If you want to complain about it, complain about it in one of these countries where they fucking lop the clit off

as a part of some kind of ritual.

Don't come at us just because we're not fucking fully 100%

informed about it.

And to say that guys are ignoring it, it's not, certainly not on purpose.

It's because,

you know.

We got other things on our minds.

No, yeah, we got other things on our minds.

I can't get into the fans to begin with.

And if it's not clearly, like in high school, we didn't see any movie that like,

okay, focus here and not so much down here and do this, do that.

And I mean, now there's books and everything, but,

you know,

it's certainly not out of, like, on purpose.

It's not out of spite.

If a guy is not paying attention to it properly, as these two podcasters are saying they are,

there probably are a few jerk-offs who are being spiteful about it.

But fuck her.

But

most guys are not doing it out of spite.

They're just doing it out of ignorance

or indifference.

Yes.

Lack of education.

Yeah, not mean-spirited.

You know, like, I'll teach her.

I'll show her.

Instead of teaching for the test, they said, teach for the clip.

Yeah.

These women are very,

these horrible puns.

You put a mic out for him and that now you can, now you suffer through something like that.

I haven't turned up his volume yet, so it doesn't matter.

It's not even plugged in.

Another question about your prostate.

When you go for your prostate exam, Okay, while the doctor is doing that, is he making conversation with you?

Yeah.

We talk about all kinds of stuff.

While his finger is in there.

Oh, no, that's usually our quiet time.

He turns out the fluorescent, the overheads.

And that's that's a candlelit.

Yeah, that's a candlelit

performance.

All right, yeah.

Because last time I went for my surgery, what do I mean to say?

Yeah, procedure.

Procedure.

My doctor was asking me if I saw any movies lately while he was performing the game.

Well, he just wants to make it not as awkward.

And it makes it more awkward.

Really?

Well, I'm standing there and he's like, drop them.

Oh, you were.

He's like, you ever see the movie Bros?

No, I was standing.

You were standing.

Why?

You're not supposed to stand?

Well, you don't know.

I don't know, but I would have, you know, in my head, how I pictured how it went down is how, like, you'd be on your back.

What, like, legs a kimbo, like holding your legs back?

My legs are in stirrups.

No, like, yeah, you're like, there's that thing that you sit on normally, but you go, you face it and you bend over it.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, and then there's like the, like the, the shame afterwards with the jelly in your butthole.

Still, you got to wipe it out.

You got to wipe it out with the tissue right in front of them.

Why do you have to wipe it out?

Why would I want to keep it there?

Why would

I want a jellied butthole?

Well,

I would want to get my pants up as quick as possible.

So I'd be like, fuck be damned with the jelly.

I'll deal with that later.

Let me get my pants up.

Usually, that's the last thing.

Like, that's not the first thing he does.

So, the rest of the time, it's awkward.

That's usually the last thing he does.

And then he's like, All right, you can clean up and I'll go do the prescriptions or whatever, that kind of stuff.

Don't you feel dirty?

Like, she might say the same thing: you clean yourself up.

Yeah, like I'm some kind of hooker.

Clean yourself up, bitch.

Yeah, so I don't know.

I don't know if it would be weird to hang out or not.

I think it'd be fine.

I like talking to him.

I think it would be totally fine.

Once you get over the initial weird

first hour,

I think then you would just be like

hanging out with Troy, Tim the record star Clark.

Yeah.

And

Jim or John the urologist, whatever his name is.

Doctor, I don't want to give away.

See,

I would like my relationship to be first name people.

Not even call him Doc.

I don't want to.

Doc, and maybe as like

Doc to Feelgood.

As a form of endearment, though, like Doc.

Right.

Yeah.

But I would hopefully that we like

me Doc.

You could call me

Blanko.

Yeah.

But on Mike, maybe if he comes on, I would call him Doc then.

Yeah.

Show him the proper respect.

What if I brought Mary Beth and she's all impressed?

Well, I've seen, when I go

to the practice, I've seen a lot of female patients.

I didn't think that this was.

I see a lot of old people there.

I didn't think that, I thought this was

just for dudes, this problem.

Oh, no, it definitely isn't.

I'm saying she'll be impressed.

Like, ooh, a doctor.

I'm with a schmucky podcaster.

Like, I don't want to introduce her to a world that she can never have,

even though her dad's a doctor.

I'm just saying, yeah.

And isn't her brother-in-law a doctor?

I mean, she's surrounded by doctors.

She's not going to be.

And your brother's a doctor.

Okay, yeah.

Her brother-in-law.

Yeah, brother-in-law.

148.

Never should have set that mic up.

All right.

You know what I got?

A quick pun?

No?

No.

Let's move on.

Slicking his wounds right now.

I mean, as long as we're dog piling, get him.

At lunch, he told a story that I thought...

bore repeating.

I wasn't going to tell him

because I thought it was so,

it painted him in such a bad light that I

looked out for him and I wasn't going to I never was going to tell it on Mike until he brought it up right at lunch he brought it up at lunch and then I just set a mic up for him because I want to hear it again

so

so the other night around midnight you texted me in a tizzy about what well I was watching TV and at the office at the office and I had to airport plaza yes at the TST Town General store right in the studio where we're recording this right now

And I fall asleep on the couch watching TV, and about midnight, I woke up and I had to go to the bathroom.

I don't understand why any of that's relevant.

Because I was

a little bit pictured.

I'm going to the bathroom at midnight.

You don't need to be like, I fell asleep.

I was

on the TV at the moment.

I said I really had to go to the bathroom.

So, like, I was on a single, I was on a mission.

Okay.

And as I'm walking towards the bathroom, I see, I hear something, and I see feet sticking out from

dog leg of the hallway where the ladies' room is.

Midnight, but nobody else is in the building except you and these feet.

Yes.

He had been watching TV and he had just woken up.

Did you get to that part?

He was ready to go to the bathroom.

I was watching.

It was a Wednesday, so we're like Green Acres.

Green Acres.

I go straight into the bathroom.

I do what I have to do.

And now I'm worried.

I'm like, hopefully, like me walking past him and hearing the door close made this guy wake up and he's going to be gone.

You're not worried.

And you're not, first thought isn't like, oh my God, there's somebody here unconscious.

You're not going to check on them and see why.

Well, they're not.

They're laying in a fucking hole.

They're snoring.

So what?

They were snoring.

So I just, it just, and they looked peaceful.

They could be knocked out.

A lot of people, like, I see videos where people are fighting.

Like, whenever somebody gets knocked out, they're always like,

they're always snoring shit.

Yeah, just belabored breathing.

It seemed like they were just sleeping on the body.

When we went to Florida, I checked on you every half hour.

It was like

such belabored breathing.

This was not quite a florida.

This was quiet, just snoring.

So I was like, hopefully, like, the closing of the door woke them up, and they're going to be going to the middle.

But what did you think was happening?

What was your ⁇ why did you think this man was lying there sleeping at midnight?

I thought that he was.

You weren't concerned about his well-being?

No, not really.

And it's not like this is a guy who, like, once I saw the picture, I'm like, it's not like a bedraggled, homeless man.

No.

That's why you would be like, what the fuck's the matter, dude?

He looks like a guy you would just see like it at people.

Are you all right?

That's what I'd be like, are you okay, dude?

Exactly.

Like, do you need help?

I can't help but notice you're on the ground.

He just ignores him.

Steps over him.

No, no, I stepped by him.

So then I'm in the bathroom, and I turned the light off.

And so the fan turned off.

And I could still hear the snoring outside.

So, and I didn't have a phone on me.

So what I was like, okay, what I'm going to do is I'm like, you know, I get the plan going.

I got the key in my hand, get, you know, all lined up, and I'm like, I'm just going to go out the door, you know, kind of looked, I kind of looked down, and I made a beeline for our door, got in, and locked it.

No bathroom knife.

No.

Oh, damn.

Shower knife.

It's a shower knife.

And I wouldn't keep one here because then someone else could find it and use it against me.

But you also have a stun gun.

Again, it was in the office.

I didn't think about it at the time.

And those are illegal in New Jersey, so no, I really don't have one.

So

I make a B-line to the office and I grab my phone and I start texting Walt

to try to figure out what I should do.

Oh, I've got to tell you even better parts to this.

What would Walt do in this situation?

That's what he's wondering.

So he texts me.

I'm up.

It was midnight, and usually I don't go to sleep till about two, but that particular evening,

I was tired.

But of course, I was saying to myself, I'm going to hit the hay.

But I I get this text, so now I'm like, okay, obviously, I'm not going to go to sleep right now.

I want to see what the hell is going on.

So I'm like,

I go, is this man conscious?

He seems to wake up when I left the men's room, and I just kept on walking and unlocked, locked the store door.

I go, he was on the floor, yes, asleep on the floor, and snoring as I went into the bathroom.

I go, if he's still out there, call the cops and just say, hey, I'm not sure what's the matter with this guy.

He may be injured.

He may not be.

I'm not sure what's going on, but he doesn't belong in this building at midnight.

And he goes,

this is Geddam's response to that.

I'm just afraid he's in the hallway and can hear me call.

He's maintaining it.

You can't see his face.

I just write to that.

What?

So what if he can hear you?

That'll maybe prompt him to get up if he is just loitering.

I'm just picturing him listening in at the door.

Like, he saw me.

When I walked by him, he seemed to wake up.

Like, he like he stopped snoring and like stirred.

And, like, I said, I made a beeline for the door.

So, I'm like, maybe he didn't see what door I went in, but he knows I'm in one of these doors.

And I had come in here and I turned, I had muted the TV.

Well, why are you so concerned if he can hear you call?

What is going to happen?

You're in a inner, if you're worried about your well-being, you are in a locked office,

right?

With a stun gun, with a stun gun, with a shower knife, possibly.

So, I wrote, so then he writes um let me look up the non-emergency number and i'll call as i run out the back door

verbatim yeah yeah yeah yeah i got it

well he has it called up on his phone too both of you guys have the phone i go and i what's my response frank well let me see what

say

uh

as i call right out the door what are you running for

stay in the office

the call's coming from in the house house.

I say, just say you think he might be passed out or needs medical assistance.

And then he writes, I called, waiting for PD to respond.

Don't mention the stun gun.

Be cool about it.

And then he goes, I don't want him knowing that I called.

And I go, who gives a fuck?

I do.

He doesn't know who you are.

But I'm here late at night almost all the time.

You think he'd finger you as the rat and come back?

Yeah, because there's only like two cars out in the parking lot at this point in time.

So it's me and then the lady who runs the trendy tot, that bright yellow Jeep.

Why is she here at midnight?

Waltz is not to ask that question.

Look.

Why is the trendy tot lady here at midnight?

She probably works another job and her store is her, like...

quote-unquote maybe I don't think it's her main source of income.

Oh, gotcha.

If she only has, like, when she's not on her job or maybe she has a family,

I think that's how she

gets her store in order for whoever's working the next day.

Gotcha.

Way more appropriate, probably, than

reasons than he has to be here, watching fucking Forged and Fire.

There's an indoor toilet.

Yeah.

And Forged and Fire.

Okay.

So then he sends me a photo that they actually arrested the guy.

Yeah.

They put him in handcuffs, which I thought was surprising.

I thought they would just shoot him away.

Maybe he had a warrant.

Who knows?

Whatever.

Or maybe he was belligerent when he woke up.

Who knows?

But so he goes, Okay, I'll be back.

I'll take care of you.

Get him writes to me, okay, leaving now.

And I didn't respond back because I'm like, at this point, I'm like, they took him out.

I'm going to bed.

And then the next morning, I see in my text, he goes, I'm back at Debbie's.

You could stop worrying.

They're all sarcastic and mad.

I'm still running.

There.

Don't look for it because it's there.

No.

It was at 153.

Yeah, I was out cold.

Again, normally Walt is not out cold at 153.

But the way you wrote it was so snarky you could stop worrying.

I'm home now because he hadn't gotten a response to me from her for a few days.

Nobody cares.

I would have been raped.

The next day,

the next time I see him or the next day,

he's still snarky about it.

And he goes, you know, you didn't even text me.

The next day, you see if I was okay.

And it's like, well, why would I not think you're okay?

And his analogy as to why I should be concerned was, well, what if it was your daughter that was here at midnight?

You don't feel the same way about me?

You don't have to worry about her.

And I was like, what, my 90-pound, 19-year-old daughter, I have to worry on the same level as the 250-pound male with a stun gun.

I have to worry on the same, I should be giving the same

race to them.

You act like I carry this thing around.

Right, but like I would, I wouldn't, no, I would not worry on the same level for your safety.

And I don't even know if the thing works.

I know it makes a noise.

It does work.

I know it makes a noise, but I have not tried it out on anything or anyone yet.

Yeah, that was your first opportunity.

You could have got a shit.

You should have just sapped him.

Yeah, but that was...

Yeah, he was in a tizzy.

That's astounding that, like, one, like, okay, let's say it's me.

I'm putting myself in Giddam's shoes.

Right.

I'm not calling you.

I'm not bothering you with it.

It just would never occur to me.

It just happened to me earlier.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

And I didn't call Giddem.

I was just like, okay, there's somebody here.

I'm sure you texted me about it.

The next day, or that night, I was like, hey, man, we may have a problem here because this is the second guy I found in here sleeping.

And I didn't

address Giddem and get his,

what should I do?

I mostly texted him, I think, because of that, that he had experienced this before.

And he had the most experience of what to do.

What would you have done if you couldn't get a hold of him?

I would have just called the non-police number.

Committed suicide.

Stung.

Sorry, Kari, you at his fucking shower night.

I would have called a non-emergency number like I did, you know, like that was my plan.

You wouldn't have called, I would have thought you would have called your father, a former police officer.

Dad, what should I do?

You know, should I

kill him?

No, because then he's going to be totally worried about me being here at night and stuff like that.

Because

everybody's worried about my father.

Like a real father should.

Not like you fake daddy.

He would have texted me to see if I had gotten back to Debbie's.

I assumed when you sent me a picture of the guy being let out.

And I was hiding behind the

pillar,

safe distance away.

So that he didn't see my face.

I could finally rest and go to sleep.

No.

No, obviously not.

I had to fucking monitor you all the way back to Debbie's

and hold your hand digitally.

They could have let him out, or his friend could have.

His friend could have let him out.

He's Dillinger.

Yeah.

He broke out.

He's coming basically.

Yeah.

It's like the hash slinging slasher in SpongeBob.

I'm going to get him, Rocco.

He put me in here, but no walls can hold me.

That's fucking amazing.

But you know,

I was reasonably sure he was okay, okay.

Like not dying or.

You did not.

You did not check to see if his airway was clear.

He had no idea if he was a clear current.

He was snoring.

You had no idea if he had a heart attack or he was just a stumble bum.

You had no idea.

And that's why I started giving him mouth-to-mouth to be on the safe side.

You should have given a child to give him CPR.

No, that's why I called the police.

And then if he woke up, you just sit on him and call the cops.

He wants to brag when he said, like, he came in the other day, I saved a woman's life last night.

Oh, yeah.

But when tell him that

was one of those stupid jokes like, I didn't kill her.

No.

I was driving here, and the call came out over the radio that there was a woman who got into a fight with her husband, threatened to kill herself.

And the phone calls.

He travels around with his

scammer, I guess.

And the phone was pinging in Redvank.

And I was just driving through Redvank.

So I said, well, I said, you know, an extra set of eyes can't hurt.

This is my business.

The police could use my help.

Yes, yes.

Yes, they could.

And they did.

So tell exactly how the officer responded when you said, Officer, I think I know where that car you're looking for is.

I told her I knew where it was.

And what was her reaction?

Who the fuck are you?

That's what she said.

No, she's like, how did you know?

And I pointed to the scanner.

Yeah, you really kind of set yourself up as being the guy.

Like, if you're like, hey, I know where that car is.

You're like, who are you?

And how do you even know why I'm here?

No, I said, I think the car that you're looking for is over in front of the Walgreens.

And I said, you know, license might be 95.

And she's like, how did you know about that?

And I pointed to the scanner.

Now, in his mind, he saved that woman's life.

Oh, that was as much contact as you had with the lady?

I didn't have any contact with the lady.

Oh, I thought the story was going to go on.

Like, the dude came out and

heroically paddled a bit.

He's walking around like the cock of the walk around the office telling people, I saved a woman's life last night.

There we have an opportunity when there's somebody in a dire situation, possibly, and you fucking run with your fucking cock and balls in your hand

into the office and be like, I got to run out the back door now.

when this guy could have been dying.

That's pretty sad, Gene.

It's pretty pathetic.

I would laugh.

I didn't know you could run.

Run is a figurative term.

But I do save up my energy for a cat-like versus Steve.

Holy shit.

But the woman happened after that.

So, you know, it wasn't before that.

Right.

But you, I think you would like to save a life.

I think you like, like, you would, that's a moment.

That's, I think, what the scanner is all about.

I think you want to inject yourself somehow and be, you're like, you've got a lot of Richard Jewell vibes, bro.

You do.

And the man was a hero.

He was wrongly.

Yes.

He was wrongly cool.

But all his, all his, like,

giddyum vibes that Richard Jewell had cost him dearly, right?

You would say?

Like, put him on the map as a suspect number one because of his...

His over-giddam senses were tingling.

Well, no,

it was because there was an FBI agent who had it out for him.

Even after they found the guy who did it, he still insisted that Jewel was the bomber.

Okay.

But he was wrong.

And even though, yeah, and even though there was evidence that there was no way for him to physically, no way, anyone physically possible to get from the Century Park to the phone where the call was made back to the park in time.

But I just feel like that kind of...

Driving around with a scanner and then injecting yourself into a police search.

He's going to raise eyebrows.

He's the kind of guy, if we'd have known better, you'd think he probably has one of of those like lights you put on top of your car.

I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to pull over someone saying he was unmarked.

No, no, no, he was not brave enough to pull himself off.

He doesn't have the bravado.

He's running away from unconscious guys.

People are like, hey, aren't you Richard Jewell?

All right, get him.

You are our care of guy.

We always go to you to see how you're feeling when we do care of.

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And a flexible subscription that you can change up at any time by simply retaking the quiz for some extra support where you need it.

Yes.

I mean, if I'm going to run away from homeless people, I thank Cariff

the Care of Energy.

He did not look homeless.

He looked like a drunk guy.

Like he had wandered up there.

He was turned out of the car and was like, I can't make, I'm not driving.

It's too cold

or

I don't have enough money for an Uber.

I'm going to sleep it off here.

Yeah, he did not look homeless, though.

He was too young and

well kept.

I looked way slot.

I looked more homeless than he does, for sure.

You sure do.

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What are your health goals?

Be healthy.

I know, Frank, you have some.

Like, you're getting some blood work back.

Yeah, well, I got the blood work back already, and it's a little off.

Oh, you got it back already?

Yeah, because they do it all through the internet now.

So being that it was so off,

it's shocking then that you continue to just like

be the Russian roulette of fucking eating, though.

You eat like 20-pound steak.

You know, and it's funny.

Frank, before you go on, let me just read this.

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Directed at you, Frank.

Okay.

Now you're on the barrel now, Frank.

Get him to get out.

I mean, you said it.

I sent you that picture of that steak.

You have a death wish.

Yes.

I thought I was going to get some kind of congratulations.

You texted the wrong person.

I don't understand why you would think, though, that that would be worthy of congratulations, though.

Eating more steak than you should.

Yeah, he sent me the picture, too.

It is an impressive looking steak, I got to say.

It was like something out of the Flintstones.

Yeah.

It looks like, yeah, like a dino steak for sure.

Well, because, I mean, if you still look at me, I mean, I don't look.

No.

I look.

But your insides are saying something else when you're getting this picture.

I think he's got Madonna

syndrome over there.

Look how good I look.

Yeah, the numbers are a little bit off, and they just, they keep going off every year that I go.

And normally the doctor, I've had the doctor for the same doctor for years, and he's always, he consoles me, which is nice.

You know, he's, oh, Frank, you're okay.

Don't worry about it.

I don't hang out with him.

But yeah, why is he consoling you instead of like, maybe, maybe you need a more

kick in the butt, doctor?

Some tough love.

Yeah, you need a guy who's like, you know, I don't need tough love.

You're fucking a fool.

Mary's like, hey.

I'd agree with him.

Playing like a boot camp, doctor.

What kind of idiot, you know, with these readings is still going out and eating 20-pound steaks and

chasing it with onion rings and ice cream.

Well, ice cream is scientific.

It cults the stomach, so it gives me enough time to get to the bathroom when I'm done.

so i need to have the does that mean you eat it first no i gave it to coat i have to coat at the end and how heavy was the steak i got how it was i don't know it was like probably like like five pounds maybe it was massive it was a tomahawk steak so it was did you put a picture do you have instagram i just got it actually you should put it on there all right yes tweet it yeah i'll tweet a picture of it but i don't look that good in the picture if you just want to look happy

dressed so great i thought you like you see my face but yeah i couldn't believe your outfit though it looked like you were eating in a buckingham palace

at buckingham palace

because you're all dressed up with a collar on and was it in your eating suit really

he was out on a date you were out on a fancy date i was don't tell mary

but i just i like to eat i know but like when you get those readings though they they don't prompt you to be like you know what maybe i'll get the two pound steak instead of the five pound steak i remember the last time i went for my physical my doctor was like you know frank maybe you know when you're eating your steak just don't eat the fat anymore

I'm like, all right.

How the fuck do you eat it?

You eat all the fat, too?

I used to.

I used to eat the fat.

I don't anymore.

Now he's eating healthy.

I'm eating healthier.

I don't do that.

It's like eating an eyeball.

It's delicious.

So good.

That's where all the flavor is.

Oh, my God.

I want to vomit.

Yeah, it makes you look bad before that dry healthy.

You're going to vomit all over to the fucking mouth.

That's nasty.

Oh, it's so good.

Oh, it's disgusting to even think about it.

Like, that is.

You know what?

My thing is, though, is whenever I do get these readings, all of a sudden it does give me like a little push for like, so like two, three weeks afterwards, I'm on the treadmill and I'm really like.

How often do you go to the doctor?

Like once a year?

No, just once a year.

Two out of 52 weeks.

You're on the horse.

The rest of the time the treadmill is covered in clothes.

Yeah, pretty much.

But then I feel better afterwards and I don't, you know, I don't think about it.

Yeah, I don't know.

These, these steak.

Well, then, you know what?

Next time we all go out to eat, then say something.

Interject.

Yeah,

don't be like Madonna's friend.

Don't be an innate.

I did.

I fucking wrote back to you.

You got a death wish.

Is that not fucking stronger?

Then today I ordered the wheat and say, what am I going to do?

I can't jump over to table table and keep your mouth fucking clamped shut.

You didn't say anything when I ordered the chili cheese fries.

Well, you're a lost cause.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.