#545: The Q Spot

Well, if I'm gonna kiss anybody, I'm gonna kiss the guy that doesn't have a shit mouth.

We've cloned a dinosaur's asshole.

I hope that he choked while he was shoving down a fat fucking hot dog down his fat gully.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave.

I'm here with Walt.

And kind of here with Q, a little bit.

Zoom it in.

I had to zoom in this week.

Yeah.

But it was better than not doing it this week.

I didn't think I'd, I thought I was going to miss three episodes, but

this saves at least one of them.

Worked out nicely.

And it took you a little time to get your equipment going.

And in that time, we learned that Giddam has a yearly subscription to a car wash

where he pays how much did he say?

$35 a month.

$35 a month, and that's to get the full treatment for his

2003 Jeep Liberty, I think.

The guy has never made a financial decision that I understand.

Not a single one.

That's incredible.

It blew my mind a little bit too, because I'm not a guy who would take his car to the car wash ever, but to have a subscription really feels like

there may be some sort of like

subconscious thing going on there.

It's odd because a guy with that much free time

shouldn't need the, I mean, why doesn't he just wash his own car?

I don't understand.

Hey, man, whatever.

I don't want to do this.

I can't do this with this guy anymore.

I love him and I accept him for who he is.

We did this just two days ago, so not much has happened to me in two days, Walt.

No?

No.

And

I kind of have been observing the Sunday Jeff rule of not looking at the news.

So

basically, I'm inside my house and talking to no one, seeing nothing, doing nothing.

It's not.

Why don't you just start going back to the old Brian, just like consuming TV at like marathon Olympic athlete levels?

I do do that.

I mean, there's still time for that.

You were the happiest when you were consuming content.

Yeah, but that's because I was on drugs too.

So that's when people fail to realize, like,

sitting there watching TV, like, I could do that for a certain amount of time, like any normal human being.

But after a certain point, I'm like, I need to move.

Otherwise, the atrophy kicks in.

But I was able to combat that with the painkillers.

Why don't you get on a treadmill?

Like, buy yourself one of those Nordics and watch TV, and then you kill two birds at one stone.

I do have, well, I didn't even mention the diet.

It's weird you should just come out and say that.

But Like, get on a treadmill, a fat piece of shit.

No, no, you're moving though.

It wasn't for you to lose weight.

I'm not saying because I don't think you need to lose weight.

Oh, I definitely do, but thank you.

I actually,

it's kind of like it's in the garage.

We're almost to it, but like we're moving boxes away and shit.

They left a stair-stepper behind, like one of those stair climber things.

Oh, the former tenants?

Yeah.

So I think I'm going to, hopefully, it works.

So I'm going to see if I can get that into the

repaired.

Like, you know, know, even if it doesn't work, I would, I would invest the money to get it repaired.

Those are expensive.

I have plenty of, like, I went because I knew, like you said, we had just done it two days ago.

So I have like banked tons of topics that I just save.

Oh, yeah.

And I have so many topics.

Me too.

I have so many topics, but like the shit's so old now that I'm like, nobody cares about this.

Have you heard about this new thing called COVID-19?

I had something I wanted to say.

I was just a little tidbit, but we did two shows at Stony Brook, the college this weekend.

And the audience was almost 100% college kids.

It was like 4,000 college kids, something like that.

And there were so many

Tell'em Steve Dave shirts and four-color demon shirts in that audience.

And when I say so many, I mean, you know, like 10, you know what I mean?

But like, that seems like a lot for like

19.

Yeah, for college.

I was like, whoa, I was like, that's pretty.

There's hope for the generation, is what you're saying.

You know, man, I walked away from those shows.

I even said it to Sal.

I was like, you've been hearing about stand-ups complaining about how they can't do colleges anymore.

And

that is officially not my experience.

They were fucking great shows.

Everybody showed up to laugh.

Nobody was taking umbrage with anything.

Like, it was really a fun show.

Like, I really enjoyed it, man.

man prior to that though would you have if you had your choice would you rather perform for an older crowd or a younger crowd in your like where do you where did you feel like you you hit it off the best with

Probably like a middle-aged

like 30 30 and up crowd because like I you know don't forget like I'm dropping murder she wrote references up there and like

Sal on stage looks at me in front of them all and goes you know not one person in the audience knows what the fuck you're talking about.

But it was great.

It was great.

So,

you know, thank you for the ants, old and new, who continue to show up.

Thank you.

We're minting them every day, baby.

Yeah, new ones every day.

I wanted to ask, I mean, Q, you're a sports guy, but Walt, you're really a sports guy.

Yeah.

I want to ask, what the fuck is wrong with sports people?

Now, specifically.

Specifically, is that accepting?

There's two passions.

I was thinking about it on the way here today, and I'm like, does it simply boil down to passion?

And since I have none, I can't relate on any level to how fucking fired up these people get.

That's the big key: is that, yeah, if you don't have any passions,

you look at somebody who's got passions and they abuse them, like they take them too far.

Right.

It's so alien.

It really is far.

Like, I saw that

the Eagles won

and they lit up the.

That was one of my topics.

Oh, was it?

Yeah.

Like, did you hear this, Q?

Brian,

tell Q what happened.

I heard the Eagles won, yeah.

Well, the Eagles won, but in celebration, I guess, or in honor of it, they lit up the Empire State Building in green.

And green and white.

What?

Green and white.

That's exactly like

the reaction.

And a lot of people are like, what are they doing that up here for?

Yeah, what are they doing that up here for?

Let Philly like

my tax dollars is going to pay the electricity for a fucking Philadelphia Eagles thing?

Because that's a fucking egregious error to celebrate your bitter rivals.

So you agree with the people getting pissed off?

Well, I wouldn't drag the lighthouse keeper out.

But if it happened,

what did you expect?

What did you think was going to happen?

Yeah.

Yeah, I wouldn't drag the guy out, but

if I was talking to someone, he's like, yeah, I'm the lightkeeper that lit that up green.

I'd be like, what the fuck did you do that for?

But I wouldn't drag the guy out.

But no, there's some people that wanted to, though, online.

They were fucking frothing New Yorkers at some point.

It's a weird choice.

At the diss

of that the Empire State Building would celebrate another team, especially a bitter rival's success the way they did.

Could you imagine doing this in those soccer countries where they fucking behead fucking referees?

If your fucking neighboring soccer team fucking had success and then you celebrated celebrated it,

what would happen?

It would be a fucking bloodbath.

If I'm not mistaken, during the World Cup, like the people from the leaders of Iran were like, if you don't win,

there's going to be major trouble.

So you guys better play your asses off.

It was an open threat to the team.

Didn't they play America, though?

Yeah.

Yeah.

They really wanted them to beat America.

What did they think?

America was going to fucking lose to Iran

at anything?

Wow.

So what, so what?

So I didn't hear any of this.

So

is somebody getting to the bottom of this?

Or is somebody going to be made to answer for this egregious?

I mean, to be clear,

I don't give a fuck at all.

But

I don't get angry, but it is notable as to why would they do that?

This is, I think, a major mistake on whose ever decision that was to do that.

I think it just

gets people all amped up already.

They're already amped up already.

They're looking for reasons to be pissed off sports fans.

The Giants just had lost a week before.

You don't rub salt in that wound and celebrate your bitter rival's success, in my opinion.

I think that guy should lose his job.

I'm not sure I disagree.

I mean, I don't like to see anybody lose their job, but I will say this: like, this town,

the second we voted voted in a Red Sox fan to be mayor,

we

we just fucking we lifted our skirt and bent over for anybody that wants to fucking come along and show their own team preference.

So, I like everything else wrong with New York City, I blame de Blasio still because we put a Red Sox fan in the fucking in the mansion, and now all hell's breaking loose.

Well, it says you're the Empire Bill Red Sox fan as a mayor of New York City.

It's like so

remember the fat governor that New Jersey had?

Chris Christie?

Chris Christie was a Rangers fan.

And he would go when the devils were playing the Rangers, he would go to the arena and root for the Rangers.

And I flat out said, even though I knew, though, that I could probably get arrested, I hope that he choked

while he was shoving down a fat fucking hot dog down his fat gullet and died

while in the arena so the fans could dance on his carcass.

Yeah.

I said that in 2012.

I still stand by it.

Still away from the choke.

Even if you're a Rangers fan and you're the governor of New Jersey, just keep quiet.

Just shut up.

Yeah, just don't say it.

Don't like,

don't get people more angrier than they already are.

Yeah.

Don't pour gasoline on these sports fires.

And then, I mean,

at least Christie, like, his team is right over the border.

He grew up in the tri-state area.

I could see,

you know what I mean?

I don't think it's right, but I could see how he might grow up

like de Blasio, Boston?

Yeah.

Six-hour drive up the fucking turnpike.

He hated rivals.

Like,

it makes no sense to me.

So I hate to see anybody lose their job, but definitely a stern talking class.

Well, how about a demotion then?

He's got to get off the lights, and maybe he's, you know, maybe he's just got to work the elevator.

Well, I said they changed it to the Kansas City colors after they beat the Bengals.

So I guess it's just a show for the NFL, maybe not necessarily the Eagles.

What are we doing here?

Yeah, I mean,

it's just a pussification of sports.

They're trying to pussify it.

Just like when little kids play and everybody gets a trophy, and don't say, you know, everybody can never strike out.

You know, just because it's Philadelphia, it doesn't mean we can't celebrate them

if we're New Yorkers.

Yeah, it does.

And I love the great, I love the great, you know, the great city of Philadelphia.

I have nothing against the city.

They are pretty shitty fans, though.

They have a

worst reputation amongst fan bases as the most repugnant, the most reviled.

There's never anything nice said about Philadelphia sports fans.

They get what they deserve.

I see those videos online all the time, like five guys, maybe not necessarily Philly, but like five guys in one jersey beating the shit out of the guy in another jersey.

It's just like, it's just so weird the mentality where it's got to be alcohol, too.

How much of alcohol play factor Q?

Oh, I mean, I don't think people who aren't drunk are going around doing shit like that.

Like, if you're stone-cold sober, you're probably less likely to just beat somebody up for wearing the wrong jersey.

Yeah, I I think so.

Oh,

I have here, I found this.

I want to ask you guys,

what do you think the most mysterious part of the human body is?

The most mysterious?

Guess, yeah, the one that confounds scientists the most.

I'm going to go ahead and say the G-spot.

The G.

Well, that would be a good guess.

You know, there's always been those like, those like, it's a mystery, you know, like people people have made jokes about it.

Does it really exist?

Right.

Yeah, so you're going to say the G is that would be my guess.

What's the medical term for that?

I don't know.

I'll look it up

while you're getting Q's guess.

It must begin with G, right?

I think so, probably.

What do you think, Q?

The most mysterious?

It's got to be the brain.

It's got to be the brain, doesn't it?

Like, we don't know how,

like, you can remove almost any other body part, and you're still you, but you, you know, that brain is like contains everything that makes a human.

So what the fuck's going on in there?

It's not the brain.

It is.

Okay.

It is not the brain.

Bri, did you have you figured out what?

I'm still like, I can't get past all the ads for G-Spot dildos and vibrators.

Yeah, it's not really safe.

Oh, wait, the Graffenberg

spot?

Grafenberg area?

So that was probably named after somebody, right?

Somebody who fucking found it, yeah.

Would you like to have that

body part named after your Q?

The Q spot?

Sounds good.

G-Spot, Q-Spot.

Sounds good.

Yeah.

I think that's a...

I wouldn't mind that.

That sounds the Q-spot.

I like that.

You're probably doing a lot of boring, no research.

You're not really doing the fun stuff that you think the G-Spot research would garner.

And it's actually inside the asshole, this one.

It's not the rate.

The G-Spot's already taken.

I mean, it depends on the asshole.

I don't know.

I'm not necessarily against that.

Well, I mean, speaking of assholes, it's the anus.

Oh, yeah.

The anus is the most mysterious part of the human body, according to researchers and scientists.

We do not know

when the appearance of the first anus in animal evolution was.

We just don't know.

And before the appearance of the anus, animals had to eat and excrete through the same hole.

Wow.

But it's not animals.

You're talking about like plankton and shit like that, right?

It wasn't like a dodo running around with no asshole

shit out of his mouth.

But could you imagine that if

the anus didn't evolve to what it is today,

we could be, you know, like, you know, have this really nice fine steak and then like, and maybe an hour later, we shit it up through our mouth yeah you'd probably be brushing your teeth a lot more

this is all true I mean I meet some people it seems like they do

I remember a recent conversation about this yeah

you want to hear some anus facts or not facts, but like some commentary on the anus by this doctor who has

said that that he has deemed this the most mysterious part of the human body.

The anus has allowed for a more efficient system and allowed animal life on earth to grow bigger and take on new shapes and forms.

But scientists don't have a complete picture of the evolutionary history here.

They don't know which creature developed the anus first

and when.

It's hard to study something that must be millions and millions of years old and doesn't fossilize.

We need an asshole trapped in amber.

Yeah.

They could do a whole movie about it, man.

Like the next Jurassic Park.

It's like the first asshole known to me.

It might be the only thing that gets me in the theater to see the Jurassic.

If, like, that's the trailer, it's like we've cloned a dinosaur's asshole.

And there's another big question, too, at the end of this by the same doctor.

He said he doesn't know, and there's a lot of people who don't know:

why is the human butt so big compared to other mammals?

Because it's hot.

I mean, yeah, it depends on the, yeah, the right,

you know, 34, 36, 34.

Is that Giddam's?

Is that Giddam's numbers?

Yeah,

why do you think the human butt is so big

compared to other mammals?

We're primate, right?

So probably if you compare us to like gorillas or, you know, the apes, we're probably like,

yeah, they would sit a lot.

They would be much bigger.

Like, I've seen some apes on some of these videos and TikTok videos, man.

They're huge.

Yeah.

Giant asses.

And they're massive, but.

Yeah, but like somebody is trying to answer these questions, Q, that really I don't think anybody was really pondering, though.

Yeah, like I never asked.

I was like, hey, when were the first anus up here anyway?

But why do you.

Oh, go ahead, Q.

No, I was going to say,

it's nice to discover a new line of questioning that I've never even considered before.

I like that.

So when was the first anus and which creature had it?

I'll never know.

And how quickly after it developed did someone say, well, I could,

I'll sexualize that anus?

Something new to fuck.

Right?

I mean, you know, I mean, it's a question that a lot of people are probably going to ask, though.

Like,

this was formed for one reason only.

Yeah.

But all of a sudden, as soon as it forms,

somebody's got to fuck it, though.

I remember on the third date with Mary Beth, I was like, hey, what's that?

I'm going to try something.

Let nature take its course.

It's a hole that you could have at

without getting pregnant.

So it seems like naturally it was going to get hit up eventually.

Right.

You know,

it's almost like

birth control in a way.

But they, but whoever was going at it first had no, wasn't like, well, I'll do this so I don't have a baby mama.

No, he's talking about his lines throughout high school into his early 20s, like, hey, it's like birth control.

Just let me do it.

I still got this purity ring on it, it works.

Caveman, right?

It was a caveman.

It was a caveman

seeing a cavewoman bend over, and he was like, oh, oh.

And he went over there and took care of business, invented a whole new horizon of sexuality.

Oh, you don't think there was maybe some caveman on caveman action going on?

The first one?

I got to assume there was, yeah.

Like they're out there hunting.

I mean, they are

like prehistoric.

They wouldn't.

There wouldn't be no hang-ups like of society's hang-ups.

They'll be like, you know,

want a little bit of well then when was the first time somebody was it must have been with religion, right?

The first time somebody was like, hey, this relief is wrong.

Probably.

Yeah, that would be.

It had to be religion that brought that.

But why?

Like, why does that preacher show up and go, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, guys.

Hold on.

You guys can't do that.

Well, I could see some of the reasons, some of the rules they brought down, like pork, you know, because people were eating pork and dying because it wasn't cooked right.

But yeah, but some

light butt fucking with no diseases, even someone's going to be hurt by that.

Back off, man.

Yeah, man.

Let them do their thing.

What's the matter with you guys?

The groove on.

But why is it so mysterious?

Like, so the history of it is mysterious?

Yeah, they just can't figure out, you know, which animal was first and why.

Like, why was it

like, like they said, they had this one hole already that was working fine.

You know, it's a dual hole.

But for some reason,

evolution was like, you know what, this ain't working out right, and we're probably going to need a second hole.

Yeah.

And then.

Well, you know what probably happened?

Like the first thing that had an asshole, because that's how evolution works, right?

Like it is survival of the fish.

It's things change.

So like you had all these fucking plankton floating around getting laid with shit mouth.

And then one plankton had an asshole.

And then his mouth tasted okay.

And all the female plankton were like, Well, if I'm going to kiss anybody, I'm going to kiss the guy that doesn't have a shit mouth.

That's a brilliant fucking observation.

And then he fucked a bunch of female plankton, and they had asshole kids.

And then people only wanted to fuck asshole kids because their mouths were clean.

And to think he's on a stage telling jokes instead of lecturing at Harvard,

ladies and gentlemen, Mr.

Dr.

Brian Quinn, Doctor of Venusology.

So, yo.

I'm talking about shit mouth here

and the problems that accompany it.

You ever heard of this plankton?

Say one plankton wants to fuck another plankton, right?

He wants to drop his nuts right in the mouth.

Or his mouth, whatever.

Yeah.

It's all good when you're a plankton.

You know who keeps your anus nice and clean?

I do.

Yeah.

Green Chef, of course.

Oh, wow.

That was a curveball.

I was just going to say Green Chef.

You were going to say George.

It's a micro-modale, I was going to say.

Oh, no.

Wipe your ass with your beundies.

All the time.

You don't even got to wipe your ass with me and do the job for you.

It's so damn soft.

I'm like, fuck toilet paper.

I'd rather wipe my ass with these $50

underwears.

I haven't got enough pairs.

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I'm like a caveman, and

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Yeah.

Yes, indeed.

I was thinking of our own Giddem Walt

because

there was, are you familiar with that

place Sheets?

S-H-E-E-T-Z.

It's like a.

It's a gas station, right?

It's a gas station.

Yeah, we don't really have them around here.

An Ohio woman claimed she lost her job at a Sheets convenience store because her teeth violated its smile policy after her abusive ex-husband knocked him out.

Whoa.

She left work crying after being called in by her boss after her busted-up teeth.

She was informed that policy states that all Sheets employees must have and remain with a perfect, beautiful, warm, welcoming smile.

The company defines my smile as unbeautiful because I still have work that needs to be done on them.

And her insurance would not pay for temporary dentures while she awaited permanent ones.

I think Sheets has got a big lawsuit on her hands if she wants to bring one.

I think they're in deep Sheets.

Because what the fuck, man?

I bet you could get away with it if it were getting them.

It's a man, a white guy with busted-out teeth.

You're like, look, bro, you're in the back.

We can't have you with your fucking no-teeth up here in front.

But a lady, and especially a lady who got them knocked out by her husband, oh my God.

Like, whose choice was that?

Yeah,

the Sheets hierarchy had better

issue a very groveling statement and give that lady a nice raise

and some teeth.

She should pay for a teeth.

She should pay for a teeth.

I'll tell you, man, like, if it wasn't for,

like, my father worked for the city of New York, so he had a good dental plan.

If it wasn't for that, and then the fire department, like, my teeth, I have so many broken and missing teeth.

I have like four, one, two, five implants.

I have caps.

Like, I would look like

really bad if it wasn't for, you know, the dental work that I've been lucky enough to get.

So I really feel bad for this woman.

It's not.

not her fault, you know?

She says,

she says, this company has no idea what I've been through.

I lost these front teeth because my ex-husband head-butted me because I forgot to turn the hall light out.

I mean,

she forgot to turn the hall light out, so he head-butted her and knocked her teeth out.

Oh, my God.

She left the light on?

Yeah.

Jesus.

After a pause, the manager said that's fine while making it clear she would not be returning to work at the register, despite the manager saying she'd heard wonderful things about her from customers.

And the manager could only say she was sorry and she would have to seek other employment because of the apparent discrimination.

When did this story break?

This just came out today, I think.

Oh, yeah, they are in for a fucking world of hurt Sheets, I would think, you know, and deservedly.

Yeah, this is literally, it literally came out today.

Yeah, they're going to be hammered.

I'll tell you what, though, if they just lower their gas prices by five cents, nobody will care.

Nobody is not going to go to Sheets.

Who's the biggest headbanger you know, Bri?

You know what?

That's the biggest metal fucking fan that I know.

The biggest metal maniac.

The biggest metal maniac that I know?

Probably.

I was going to bring him up in a little while anyway.

Probably Randy, my buddy Randy Falk from NECA, the guy, the NECA toy guy.

He went to like 11 merciful features.

Oh, I had to tell him, Steve Steve Dave Town.

Probably you.

Who would you say is the biggest metal maniac?

Yeah, it's always been you two in my life, the two that have been like the metal heads.

Well, I have a story here that just for-Oh, it could be Jimmy the Hair guy, though.

Jimmy the Hair guy guy displays Charlie.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah, he's got tats.

Yeah.

He's got tats, and that's a real commitment to your love of metal when you have the band

and backup singers tattooed on your body and shit.

But listen to this metalhead.

A new Zealand mother named her children Metallica, Slayer, and Pantera.

Oh, boy.

What is your immediate thought when you hear that?

What a simpleton.

Yeah, like, like, how dumb is she?

Like, I want to talk to her to see how dumb she actually is.

So she got, how old are the kids?

They're not triplets, right?

So she got away with it successively.

It doesn't say, like, yeah, the ages of the children, but it's very,

it's very,

it's possible that you know they were triplets and she just did it that way.

But you want to know what the middle name is for Metallica Q?

The kids' middle name

and Justice for All.

Oh, boy.

You know,

if I ever had a son, I thought I would name him Cal El.

And I wonder if I would have been able to get away with that,

let alone Metallica.

Metallica and Justice for All, Smith.

Like, what a what?

Yeah.

I mean, you really got to love these bands, right?

You have to live and breathe.

There's nothing else in your life than metal.

And

you're going to all the shows.

You're doing the meet and greets.

I mean,

these poor kids.

It's like, I mean, it's not like they're being named Adolph.

No, that's what happened here.

The authorities or the

there are no restrictions on naming babies after bands or albums, said

Montgomery, who works as the

I guess he's a higher up in New Zealand or something.

And so long as the word used is not generally considered to be offensive or does not resemble an official rank or title, which is strange.

I always thought if I had a kid, I'd name him Anal Cunt.

So if I had named my daughters, would you have like, I'm thinking about naming them, you know,

like Spice Girls

at the time, who would have been popular?

Yes.

No, I would have to be something I was into, though.

Or something you were into.

I was like, I'm going to name them

Blackie Lawless or Motley Crew.

Would you have any?

Your daughter's got annoyed at you for the mildest things.

Like now, I can't imagine.

If you're like, your name is Motley Crew Flanagan,

would you have tried to talk me out of it or would you have been like, that's fucking awesome?

Okay, how old would I have been at the time?

In my mid-20s?

Probably I would be like, I don't think that's a great idea.

And I'm now clearly you haven't mentioned this to Deb yet.

When she's recovering after the after the birth, I'm going to rush in and I'm going to put on the birth certificate, motley crew, flattening.

So I don't want to hear no back talk about this.

Yeah, really?

Just forge her signature.

Yeah, I don't want to have to argue about this.

I'm just going to do it.

She said it's cool.

You guys think it's cool, right?

Yeah.

Q, how do you?

I bet you

there comes a point in life like that's a rough childhood uh

probably not great in high school but i bet you there becomes a point where being your first name being metallica

is

starts working for your benefit right

like it there might be people like wow your name's metallica yeah my mother named me metallica so it's a conversation starter

it it definitely is but pantera

they just regrouped so that kid's relevant again yeah there was

There's a little footnote here.

Earlier this year, a newborn baby was accidentally named corn in an unfortunate birth certificate error.

Corn?

With a K in it.

Really?

Yeah.

There's nothing they can do to fix that?

I mean, you would think so.

People get their names changed all the time.

I was thinking about you boys.

Laverne died.

Shirley.

Shirley.

Shirley.

Shirley died.

Sorry.

Shirley died.

And I know.

Yeah, I know that you guys, like, that was one of the shows you guys had in rotation for a while, right?

I adored that show.

Yeah.

I really did.

Yeah.

There's nobody left except Lenny.

Right.

Lenny.

And he's doing good.

Like, his career is doing all right.

Yeah, I think he had the most successful.

I know.

Penny Marshall had a pretty big career.

Yeah, it would be Penny Marshall and Lenny, yeah, for sure.

Yeah.

But yeah, that's

they're all, you know, you got to treasure these guys that, like, you know, Fonzie and Richie.

Yeah.

People are like, in what way?

How am I to treasure these people?

You don't know how much longer they're going to be here.

Yeah, I know.

You see, people try.

Oh, my God.

I don't know if I, I might have mentioned this last week, but I think I did.

Frank sent me

a link to an interview with Shelly Duvall.

Yeah, you mentioned it, yeah, where she was in her car.

She was in her car for like 40 minutes while this guy interviewed her.

And

it's funny because she's still bitter about

the shining.

She's still bitter that Jack got all the attention, Jack Nicholson got all the attention.

Oh, Jack, Jack, she's going.

But that's the kind of shit where you're like, oh my God, like,

everybody just keeps getting older, and people keep dying.

And even young people are dying, like people younger than us, you know?

Yes, it's life, man.

Yeah, it's unfortunate, yeah.

But

if you had to pick your gun to your head, Mary Beth gets pregnant, and you got to pick a fucking band name.

Oh, King Diamond.

No doubt.

That's good.

Cute.

I mean, can I just pick like

Tom Jones?

So his name's Tom.

I mean, I can't just be like, yeah, it's Tom Jones.

I want to do a band.

I'm telling you, it would be Cal El.

That would be the stupid name that I'd pick.

Well, who's your favorite?

You want to pick Poison?

That's a pretty cool name, too.

No.

I mean, Poison Queen.

Maybe Cinderella.

Heddy.

It's a boy.

I had a gun to my head.

Cinderella?

I'm sorry.

Talk to Corn.

See how he feels.

I'm like,

I want the big Cowell.

He's screaming at him.

Well,

I'm sure Cinderella is not very happy.

I'm going hard from a hard day in school.

This is Maroon 5 Quinn over here.

Look at him.

Already getting pussied.

Look at him.

Sages,

we're recording this the 31st.

This is what day is today, a Tuesday?

Yeah.

Turn 17 tomorrow.

Woo, wee.

Jesus Christ.

Young lady.

She taunts me all the time about it because it's not even enough that she's turning 17.

She's like, then I'm going to turn 18.

Then I'm going to turn 19.

Then I'd be 20.

Be an adult.

Now, why does she think that this is something that's taunt-worthy, though?

Like, are you reacting to this and telling her, no, you're going to stop time and she's not going to turn these ages?

I say that kind of stuff all the time.

Yeah, I was like, nope.

I'm like,

You're going to be 15 again this year.

She gets all worked up about it.

But I mentioned my buddy Randy Falk earlier from NECA.

They have

a warehouse or

something like that up in north of here a little bit.

So we're going to tour the NECA NECA warehouse for her birthday.

Randy invited her up.

Really?

Yeah.

Cool.

Wow.

So that'll be fun.

That does sound interesting.

Does she get to pick something?

Randy said they may have something for her at the end.

A little surprise for her.

That sounds awesome.

What part of the state is that in?

I think it's only like 20 minutes north of here.

Very cool.

Yeah.

I'll send you the address later on.

I can't remember the name of

the town.

But she had like big plans.

Her big plans were she wants to get a bagel from the bagel store in the morning,

McDonald's for lunch, and a fancy restaurant for dinner.

That's all she cared about.

What's fancy?

That depends.

Like, to her, Julah Hens could be fancy.

Gotcha, gotcha.

Like, she knows that, like, McDonald's isn't fancy.

She says that Red Robin is, like, kind of fancy a little bit because I guess you got a waitress.

I agree.

And then you got your fancier places, like, you know, the higher end chain restaurants, I guess.

So places with, like a waiter

seems to be like that.

That's the highest.

Yeah,

that'll tick her fancy meter.

What are you getting her for a second?

What do you get a 17-year-old girl for her birthday?

What's your, I'd have to ask Mary Beth.

She's the one who says

she got her all kinds of makeup shit.

That's all she cares about.

She cares about makeup.

She cares about video games.

She cares about YouTube videos.

She cares about TikTok.

What about you?

You playing video games?

You used to play video games all the time, going back to things that you used to do.

I just picked up

the remake of Dead Space.

Oh, fuck yeah, man.

They redid Dead Space for the Xbox Series X, so I picked that up.

Yeah, I'm playing that now myself.

I'm up to like two in the morning playing it because by the time I finish work, it's like 11 o'clock at night, and I'm like, I'm not going to bed.

I need fucking two hours for myself.

So I'll sit there and like, and I've been playing Dead Space.

It's pretty good.

Oh, it's a great game.

I loved it.

It's one of my favorite games ever made.

The remake is pretty good.

The music is awesome, too.

Yeah, they tinkered with a couple of things that I was like, I don't know why they bothered tinkering with that, but it looks great.

It's good.

Yeah, it's a fun one, man.

What a great game.

I hope they do the whole series, redo the whole series.

Yeah, I would like to see that.

I'm also right now I'm playing, I just started The Devil,

The Devil, and what's the name of the goddamn game?

It's about HH Holmes.

It's like this camera crew visits this guy who models his house after H.H.

Holmes' murder castle in Chicago.

Oh, sounds wonderful.

The Devil in Something, The Devil May Care.

Devil and Miss Jones.

Yeah.

I wish, man, I'd be checking that shit out.

Yeah.

Yeah, so I've been playing that, but it's like it's one of those games where there's a lot of cutscenes and very little to do.

So

you end up sitting there for like 20 minutes while these people are talking and shit.

Yeah.

You need like Bioshock again.

You still went to Bioshock.

Why can't they just fucking make a new Bioshock?

Well, they're doing the movie, so I'm sure that they're going to

do another game soon.

Yeah.

Man, if it wasn't for video games, Walt, I know you never really got in the video game things, but nothing shuts off my brain and drowns out the stress.

It's either a book or a video game.

They're like, fuck, dude.

Like, all stress goes away the second I have one, like either a controller or a book in my hand, man.

And a good game is like a fucking good movie.

You know what I mean?

Like if the storyline's like top-notch,

there's nothing like it.

Wait till you get to the general store because you are going to go crazy because a listener dropped off a cabinet that has literally

5,000 video games from the 80s all the way till current.

And it's sitting at the general store right now.

And I've been playing Techmobile.

Just a listener who was like, appreciated TSD was like, I built this for you guys.

Holy shit, man.

Thank you, whoever did that.

His name was Fingers, I think.

Fingers?

Fingers with a Z, I think.

But yeah, I sent him out a nice

care package, you know, thank him, like, all TSD merch and stuff.

But yeah, he just dropped it off, and it was like, it's probably about five foot high, the cabinet.

Yeah,

it's not like a full-size arcade cabinet, but it's pretty big.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, that's cool.

Wow, that's really thoughtful of that dude.

Yeah, wait till you see it.

You're going to be impressed.

And it's old arcade games, or there's like an old Nintendo game?

It's just everything.

Everything.

I don't know if there's anything that you can say that's not on there right now.

Wow, that's fucking cool.

Wait a second.

Yeah, I've been playing Tech Mobile like crazy.

Those are really the only games that I could, I agree with you.

When you're stressed out or you just want to relax, I used to love to play a football or a hockey game.

Yeah.

You could just

lose time in that way.

Before you know it, it's like three o'clock in the morning.

Yeah, and you're ready for bed.

And now it's like, it's like with Dead Space, it's like, even though it's funny, because, man, I probably haven't played that game who fucking knows how long, but I'm remembering parts of the ship as I'm walking around.

I'm like, oh, I know where there's a bench.

Like, I just find it.

It's kind of cool, man.

That's why I think the brain is more mysterious than the anus because there I am on this, on this starship years later, and I'm like, and it's a remastered version.

They redid some of the levels, and I'm still remembering which shit is I don't know I mean

I still would take a sweet anus over a fucking really intelligent brain

in what capacity you know I want to raise that question

it's just more alluring to me

An asshole is more alluring than a top-notch brain.

I'm talking about, you know, like compatible-wise, like on a date when a younger, a younger me, I'd be like, well, she's really fucking super intelligent, or she's got a really beautiful ass.

I'd be like,

Okay, so she's the type of person who names her kid Metallica

but has a hot asshole.

Can you deal with her?

I can't hate.

I've fallen victim to a fucking sweet Derier.

I found myselves in some hairy situations, and I wish I were.

What was his name?

Fingers.

Yes, last week we did something

called the

Truth Commission, where I asked Sunday Jeff

to put himself

in position of power where he had to reveal either A or B to the public, to the general public.

Like certain scenarios, like one of the things was like, would you rather know Jeffrey Epstein's

the way he was murdered or the way he died or Jeffrey Epstein's itinerary for every guest that visited the island?

And you have to release this to the country and to the world.

But see, Sunday didn't play the game right.

I think you would play it better because Sunday just as like blurts out

without really considering what I was hoping he would consider.

Like, what's the domino effect if you release this information?

Like, can you at least weigh it in your head before you fucking immediately pick A or B?

All right.

That is the way it went.

Like,

what's going to be the fallout if you release this?

And what's for the betterment of the world?

You know, that's what really the commissioner has to weigh in.

And I had some ones I didn't give him if you want to do, if you want to act as the role of the commissioner.

This sounds fascinating.

I'm in.

Okay, so I didn't give him this one.

Know definitively what crashed in Roswell

or reveal all the secrets of the Vatican secret archives.

And here's what some people speculate is in the Vatican secret archives.

All the war criminals that the Vatican helped escape.

All the money the Vatican made from the Holocaust.

Proof that there isn't a Jesus, They're hiding it.

That it was all a lie.

Wow.

That Jesus does not exist.

They have evidence of extraterrestrial life in this secret archives.

The three secrets of Fatima.

I don't know what that is.

And home to the largest collection of pornography.

Whoa.

Current?

Up to date?

Yeah.

That's what it says here.

Or like ancient Egyptian pornography.

It says some conspiracy theorists believe that that the Vatican archives contain the largest collection of pornography in the world.

Copenhagen's Museum of Erotica confirms these speculations in additions to writings by National Review founder William Buckley Jr.

I mean, that's not saying that it's definite, but that's again, this is just speculation.

And it's home to

an alleged time machine.

And that TV, right?

And the chronovision television, which may be what they're talking about here.

Oh, right.

And the time machine.

So you can reveal to the world what crashed in Roswell, which may be a balloon.

You don't know.

Right.

But I don't think it was a weather balloon.

Do you believe it was a weather balloon?

You know, probably.

Yeah.

You really believe it was a weather balloon?

And those fucking guys in Roswell were so fucking stupid they thought they didn't recognize a weather balloon?

Well, if I could, if I have to bet on human stupidity or alien or extraterrestrial aliens, like I'll probably bet on human stupidity

every time.

Bri,

you believe it was a weather balloon?

I don't know if it was a weather balloon, but I side with Q on like, because what year is it, the 50s?

Yeah, 40s.

40s?

47, 48.

Yeah.

Like some hillbilly being like, what's that?

This wasn't the hillbilly.

This was the authorities.

Oh, these were the authorities.

They'd have pictures of the the guy sprawling out all the metal that when he scrunched it up, the metal would then go flat.

Yeah.

And then the men

showed up and took it all and told him if he ever spoke about this again, didn't say it was a weather balloon, you know, shit would go down.

Okay, I just got a couple of questions that I want to clarify the rules of the game here.

I don't know that there are aliens.

You're saying I'm the commissioner, but I don't have the answers?

Yeah, you got to pick beforehand,

before I give you the folder.

Like, this folder contains the truth about Roswell.

This folder contains the truth about the secret archives of the Vatican.

I can't let you read it before you release it.

Well, I would probably.

Here's the thing: if I knew that there were aliens,

then I don't give a shit what the Vatican has.

There's nothing bigger than that.

So,

but not knowing, I gotta figure

the Vatican has a treasure trove of

interesting artifacts and documents that

and horrifying, probably.

Yeah, it's not all gonna be like, oh, wow, the Catholic Church is great, right?

But you know, it's there.

Whereas, like, where's the alien thing?

You're like, God forbid I pick that.

And they're like, here's it.

Here it is.

It was a weather balloon.

I would be like, well,

that's the risk you run.

Yeah, I think I would have to go Vatican.

Plus, I'll tell you what.

If the United States government covered up the aliens, I'm more comfortable with that.

But, okay, go ahead.

I don't want to interrupt you.

Then the Vatican, which is essentially a private organization

with no oversight,

having their own secrets that could really affect humanity.

I'd probably want to drag those out into the light.

But you wouldn't worry about, you know, is mankind prepared to accept

extraterrestrial life?

You know, you got to think about like what will the ramifications of you revealing like

I know what you're saying.

Is that why you're choosing the Vatican over

alien life?

I think, man, if I knew that there were aliens in that folder, I'd have to do the aliens.

Have to.

But I don't.

What do you think?

Don't you think that would be really that's a fucking risky fucking thing that would reveal aliens, though?

How people react to that and how the world, like the domino effect that happens.

But what, like, okay, let's say that they're like, Truth Commissioner reveals, yes, there are aliens.

Right.

And like, undoubtedly, you're like, holy shit, there are aliens.

It's like, what could you do about it?

Do you think there could be mass panic and people would be like freaking the fuck out and people who are on the edge of sanity already would be like, no, this

this could be a major fucking faux pas, Commish.

Five years ago, I would have

five years ago, I would have said, so after seeing the reaction of people to

COVID and the vaccine, I don't think people would believe it if they saw it.

I think they would be like, this is fucking no aliens.

They want me to believe that.

No, no, I mean,

like, your word is gospel now.

The Truth Commission is.

I don't, but that's what I'm saying.

I think there are still people who would be like, I don't give it, I don't believe it.

I just don't believe it.

So, you're going with the Vatican still?

But I also think that goes the other way.

I think if they were like, if they had proof that there was like, I'd probably go to the Vatican because at least that's human history.

You know what I mean?

But that could be the final nail in the coffin for

the Catholic Church, though.

If you were, you know, and like they're already hurting as it is, you want to put them out of business?

Yeah, we ought to.

Yeah, so many people

that he brought down the Catholic Church, any IJ goodwill is immediately erased.

Oh, I didn't know that.

You regarded this position as commissioner based off people being like, well, he's such a likable dude.

People love him from that show.

If he delivers bad news, the truth,

it'll go down easier.

Coming from a former practical joker.

Yeah, but there's one truth at Roswell.

Is there aliens or not?

Whereas with the Vatican shit, there's probably hundreds of truths waiting to be revealed over there.

It's going to be ugly.

Yeah, like pound for pound, just on a value fucking thing.

You got to go with the Vatican.

They have thousands of years of fucking secrets.

Yeah, but what about all those people you disenfranchise now who are good?

They're free.

Wow.

They're free now.

They're free to make decisions.

What if it comes out and they're like...

What about the comfort?

This is going to be crazy.

But you're assuming that the Vatican's not going to be like, well, you want to know all the secrets.

Jesus is still alive.

Jesus is still alive and he's a real guy.

And we talk to God on the regular.

What if that's one of the secrets?

You play this game pretty good.

A bit better than Sunday Jeff.

Yeah.

Last week's episode was seven minutes thanks to Sunday Jeff.

Yeah.

Or they're like, or what if the Vatican's like, we have for the past hundred years had Satan held captive

in a vault under the Vatican.

Wouldn't that be crazy?

That would be more mind-blowing to me than an alien.

That would be terrifying.

That right there, that would be, yeah, I would be like, Camish, you fucked up.

This is way too much information than the normal person can handle.

Satan is real.

He's in prison.

What if this motherfucker is trying to get out?

Yeah.

What if he gets out?

We're fucked.

Right.

You're right, exactly.

Yeah.

You know, I still, I would much rather have the weather balloon be exposed.

not being true.

I got another one for you.

I didn't ask him.

Okay.

Definitive proof on if Hitler actually committed suicide in his bunker or definitive proof on who killed Bob Crane.

Just a tie-in to

Nazism.

Bob Crane from

Hogan's Heroes.

Poor neficionado.

I'm just not sure anybody would care about Bob Crane anyway.

At the time,

in 2023, yeah, you're right.

But at a time, like 1976,

I don't know which would be bigger news.

Sure, but I could only be the commissioner of the times I live in.

Because there are a speculation that Hitler got into a submarine and made his way to Argentina.

I think that he'd probably be dead by now anyway, I don't imagine.

Yeah, I think that would be the info.

I think, you know, all due respect to Bob Crane, I feel like, yeah, that would be, it would be nice to know that that motherfucker just killed himself.

I think

what if he didn't kill himself and he was selling himself on Argentina some higher-ups and the government maybe made it possible for him to get away.

Well, then I say, let's drag those names out into the light and fucking tear down some statues and rename some fucking high schools then.

You can't even get the names from Epstein's Island.

You're going to get fucking the Hitler names.

Well, I'm assuming the document, the file has all the influence.

But we've hired you, Q, to be the commissioner to help us.

We want to release this information without riots.

Like,

we don't want bloodshed.

We don't want fucking fire.

People like that's not possible anymore.

No matter what you say, people want to riot.

I mean, if you just put me in the fucking commissioner position to just keep the status quo, it's like,

why'd you even put me in this position?

Like, you didn't need me.

Because we have to release some information now.

We have to reveal some truths.

People are demanding it.

They're not standing for it any longer, but

let's pick the truths that are the least likely to cause chaos.

No, you guys hired me for

a while.

I can't come out swinging

with my first official description.

You understand?

Like, I have to worry about my own credibility.

If I'm the truth commissioner and I come out swinging first with Bob Crane's murder,

my first act as commissioner is to reveal Bob Crane was murdered by blank, blank.

Nobody gives a fuck about the next thing I say.

Like, that's what he led with?

Well, you're going there.

You start off slow.

You don't want to get immediately into fucking, Hitler's alive, everybody.

That's when you lose credibility.

Yeah, you come across as like you can't hold your fucking, you can't hold your fucking liquor.

You're like, fucking, you got to keep it calm.

Like a Philly sports fan, I'm just like, fucking going.

Yeah, like, ease into it.

Like, earlier today, I was handed a dossier about the former actor Bob Crane.

Treat it with gravitas.

Make it seem like it's important, at least, but you know, you know that this information isn't going to cause this knock-on effect to like fucking

make financial institutions rock or

just that's not what that's not what I'm here to do.

No, no, you were hired to fucking make sure that like what you reveal doesn't cause mass

you're gonna get assassinated real quick.

So Second Jackson this part, at least.

All right.

So I'm here to just be another bureaucratic cog in the machine to pull the wool over people's eyes.

That's how you know, you're revealing truths.

No one's going to deny that.

You are revealing truths, but you're going to pick and choose which ones that are for the betterment of society.

Easier to swallow for Joe Average.

I think that the truth about what happened to Hitler is for the betterment of society.

I think there's there's going to be some fucking names that come out in that that were a part of this secret, and it's going to be ugly.

Good.

If I fucking come out with Bob Crane, nobody's going to fucking tune in.

Nobody gives a fuck.

Half the people listening to this, more than half, are like, I don't know, are Googling Bob Crane.

It's an interesting story.

Bob Crane was the star of a TV show.

Isn't he the one that jerked off with his castmates and shit like that?

They had like porn parties and shit.

he was he was like an early adopter of the uh he was a deviant and early adopter of the uh home home amateur home video type stuff

he would make like little porn movies and shit yeah supposedly he he was uh he filmed somebody

famous a female and uh

she had a boyfriend or husband

take care of bob crane with a fucking crowbar and crushed his skull and the murder has never been solved.

Who's the actress?

All right, now we're on to something.

Oh, nobody knows who the actress is either.

If they knew who the actress was, they probably could solve the case.

No,

there's no like theory.

Oh, you're going to reveal all that too, Q, who the actress was, everything.

All right, this got a little juicier now.

Juicier now.

What if it's like Mary Tyler Moore?

Oh, I'd be like, all right, Q, we got to go with this

Hitler shit.

It's got to come out.

People are going to, we are not going to sully Mary Tyler.

No one even knows who Bob Crane is.

Now it's more about the actress than

it is about Bob Crane.

So

I think this game is good.

Yeah.

All right.

So

give me an answer.

I got one more then.

Juicy.

I'm still going to go.

I still think it's of more historical value for the Hitler.

But if it's outrage, though, are people when they find out this motherfucker got to live out his life on a baseball?

If he lived out his life, though, what if he didn't?

Well, I don't know what's in the file.

Let's say, for argument's sake, he got out, he got into the submarine, went to Argentina, and fucking lived out this comfortable life in secrecy when he should have been living out, you know, in a fucking cell rotting or

being hung at the Nuremberg.

Nuremberg trials.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, but by letting him get away with it, I think compounds the injustice.

I do.

Of course it does.

So let's expose that.

Let's get some justice for some people.

It's such a messy, fucking, unresolved,

horrible outrage.

No, nah.

This is why they hired me and not you, because

I'm not here for black and white fucking, I'm here for justice and I'm here for the truth.

And that's it.

But how could you serve justice to Hitler?

Let's say he did get to live his life.

It's only going to make people feel bad.

Like, God damn it.

It's just the awful feeling of the outrage, the injustice that he got to live out his life.

And who helped him?

I want to know who.

Painting pictures.

Oh, they're dead too.

They're all dead.

They're all dead.

Yeah, that's the unfortunate thing.

Whereas the Bob Crane people, maybe

they could still be alive.

Maybe somebody can pay for their crime still.

Yeah, it's not too late to cancel that actress.

I'm sure she has to be able to do that.

We're going to bring Mary to.

I'm sure she hasn't a role in 40 years.

All right, Q.

How about this one then?

All right.

Definitive proof on how the pyramids were built.

Ooh.

Or the identity of Jack the Ripper.

Oh, Jack the Ripper.

Yeah.

That's my gut.

It's got to be Jack the Ripper, I think.

Because I think that.

This surprises me.

We know they built the pyramids.

We probably have a fucking idea of how they did it.

It's like it sucked.

It was a lot of slaves dying.

And it was like bullshit.

But they're there.

It's not like we can't look at them and figure out how humans did it.

We might not know the right answer.

Jack the Ripper, though, man, I think that that goes into the, here's why.

I think the Masons are involved in it.

And I think

it was a fucking cover-up that went deep that people would be shocked to find out that royalty?

Royalty, 100%.

I wouldn't even be shocked if Jack the Ripper was royalty.

All right.

King Charles comes to you.

He's like, Commissioner, please.

Hey, mate.

Hello, King.

Please.

Yeah.

Reveal the pyramids one.

We have such a horrible time as it is.

You know, us royals, look at the Megan Markle shit.

I got to deal with Q.

Oof.

Come on.

Your Majesty,

with all due respect, I'm an American.

Sorry, bro.

Sorry, dude.

This has got to get out.

I want to know who killed you.

I want to know who Jack the Ripper was.

You agree with that, Brian?

Yeah, I would want to know who Jack the Ripper was.

You've said the same thing so fast.

How come?

Because I feel like they, like, like you said, they probably have an idea of how they did it, or they could figure it out eventually.

Whereas, like, Jack the Ripper, it's like there's speculation, but they'll never really know who it was.

But now, finally, I love nothing more than like they found a dead body fucking 40 years ago, and they just figured out who it was.

Like, people who you think you're never going to be able to identify.

And it's like, yeah, I just give up on it.

And then suddenly something happens.

Somebody, some distant relative gets it, like the Golden State killer, like the DNA thing, man.

It's like that's the kind of shit like the curveballs that get thrown that you're like, wow, I never thought we'd know.

And like, in our lifetime, I doubt we'll ever know who Jack the Ripper was.

Like, for real, even if they said his name, I'd be like, I don't know who that is.

Okay, but what about this, though?

What about I give you a dossier about the possible fallout of revealing who Jack the Ripper was?

You know, the media is going to go after his lineage, and they're going to be like, okay, this is the grandson, great-grandson of Jack the Ripper, And his life is going to be ruined because of you, Commish.

Why?

Why couldn't you tell me that?

Because it's going to be like you're the, you know, he didn't know

that he was the grand-great-grandson of Jack the Ripper.

And now he's got this.

This is like you would, what if you were the great-great-grandson of a serial killer, the world's most famous serial killer?

I wouldn't stop telling people.

Yeah, I mean, I'd leave

you to stop.

Oh, I think that you're a different animal, though, than a lot of people.

I think a a lot of people would be like ashamed and horrified, humiliated.

And you're going to put this poor guy who was leading this fucking normal life, you know, he's just this fucking normal Joe Blow.

But how does it affect him?

He wants to blow his life to smithereens.

How?

How is that happening?

Because now the media just wants to be like, you know, you're the great-great-grandson of Jack the Ripper.

Can we get your feelings on this?

And he's kind of like

accosted by the media.

Like, it's poparizing.

You don't think that motherfuckers, he's getting paid to do interviews and shit like that?

I probably just upgraded his life 100%, man.

All he's got to do is be like, look, my great-great-grandfather was Jack the Ripper.

And

the Ripper.

Oh, Ripper.

Jack the Ripper.

And I'd be like, look,

that's a stain on my family, and I need to do something to clear that stain.

And

so what are you going to do then?

What's your plan then to clean that stain?

And then you're putting him on the spot.

Now, he's got to clean a stain that he never thought he would ever have to clean.

It's just, it's horrible.

Shit happens.

Nah, I think it'd be way more interesting.

He's like, look, yesterday I was just some fucking dude that worked in a cubicle.

Today I'm Jack DeRipper's grandson.

I don't know.

I think most people would take that.

I think.

I think you're crazy.

I think that would be most people would be like, they don't want that kind of notoriety.

Not everybody wants to be under the spotlight, though, like that.

I think it's easier because it's so long ago and so removed.

But if you were like a present-day serial killer, you know, like, oh, I'm the Grim Sleeper's nephew or something.

Sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You got time for one more?

So you're going to go with Jack Roof.

Okay, I got one more here that I didn't ask.

Okay, I love this.

This is a great game.

Great game.

Thank you.

Definitive proof if the automobile industry is hiding a car that runs on water

or the real reason number stations existed and still operate to this day?

That was bad Twilight Zone.

I think that was close encounters.

What was the second one?

The real reason number stations existed and still operate to this day.

You know, remember what number stations?

Yeah, I remember the number stations.

I think that,

well,

I saw an episode of there was this

X-File spin-off years ago called, just follow me on this one, called

The Lone Gunman, right?

And one of the episodes had to do with the existence of a water-powered car.

And they discovered that there was, in fact, a water-powered car.

And the reason that they didn't expose it to the world was that it won't have the effect that you think it will.

It will, in fact, make oil production ramp up because suddenly everything could be water-powered, but you still need oil for the gears and you still need all the all the main, like it wouldn't help the environment like people think it does.

But you're basing this off a TV show, though, Kamish.

No, no, I'm just

throwing that out there for you.

Check the science.

I'm just throwing that out there.

I just throw it out there for food to thought.

Is there anything true to that?

But it's not just a car, right?

it's it's water as energy

hydrogen power you got to go with the car okay you go with the car though but isn't it within the automobile industry's

um discretion like they don't have to fucking reveal it to the public that they came up with a car that runs on water who are you to try to paint them as villains they didn't

i'm not I'm not painting them as villains.

I'm not judging anything.

I'm just saying, hey,

this exists.

But this was our secret.

Why do you feel like you're qualified or you have the right to reveal to the public that we have this invention?

Fucking whistleblower.

I'm the fucking commission.

That's why.

This is literally my job.

Like, I'm the truth commissioner.

All right.

So then, what about, like, okay, so I'm going to reveal next week on the commissioner's radio

announcement.

My fireside chats.

I'm going to reveal every single husband and father father in Staten Island who's having an affair just because I want to.

I'm going to read their names and their addresses.

That's the same thing as going after the automobile industry for keeping that a secret, isn't it?

It's not the same thing at all.

You're ruining individuals' lives as opposed to like corporate secrets.

But it's within their right to keep.

They invented it.

They own it.

They don't have to bring it out to the general public.

They can keep that a secret.

Who is they?

The automobile industry.

Wait, who's presenting them with this truth that it's even.

So he's saying, yeah, I might reveal the automobile truth, and you're like, you're a piece of shit.

Well, I don't think, I don't know if it's that much of

an outrage or injustice that the world needs to know.

I don't know because I still feel it's a private industry that they

it was their thought that like, hey, we make more money doing it this way.

If we bring this water car out, like it's going to fuck with everything and it's just not worth.

okay.

Well, two things I would say to that: one is there is a limit on

patents, trademarks, and that there they exist for a reason.

So, how long have they been sitting on this?

One, and then two, who came up with it?

Was it a German scientist?

Did it come from fucking from

Nazi scientists?

Like, who came up with this?

You know what I mean?

Like,

and it won't fucking work.

I mean, it's just

all right.

Now, say some guy in the 80s, an American, and

they bought the patent or they bought the invention.

They paid him handsomely, but they swore him the secrecy.

He passed away so he could, and they don't have to worry about him spilling

the secret, but now they got to worry about the Commission, you know, just rolling out there, rolling his sleeves up, fucking sitting down and being like.

Yeah.

If the Commission decides that if we can get energy from water, it will literally change

the course of human history.

For the good or the or the

it's going to be for the good, it's going to be for the good because now we're not even talking about cars, we're talking about limitless energy for all of humans.

Like, that's I don't know, that's pretty fucking good.

I think that's worth more than you know, Detroit holding on to their trademark for another 50 years.

There are children

who are cold at night.

It's like if they could power a heater from a glass of water.

I mean, well, maybe they should have fucking come up with the electric energy thing.

I mean,

the water energy thing.

They're sitting on their asses.

Because then just the richest person could come in and buy it and suppress it.

They're not innovators, these kids.

Yeah, but neither is fucking the auto industry.

They're just suppressing shit.

So you think it's evil to keep that a secret from the public and to not like develop it and make

everything everything water energy based.

Is that your angle when you present it to?

Because you're going to have to explain yourself why you're exposing a private industry's most guarded secrets.

Oh, he thought he answered to nobody.

I'd be all right with it.

I'd be okay with it.

I'd be like, you know what?

I could be the villain for capitalists if it means we're saving.

We're saving people.

And I'm a capitalist, so I'm not using that with like a fucking down.

Like I could

like, I'd be okay with it.

I'd take the hit on that one.

So, your security detail would be massive, right?

Like, you are, you are in the crosshairs.

Everybody wants you silenced.

Yes, I believe so.

People are afraid of what I reveal next.

Would you take the job, knowing that, like, this is like you're the enemy of so many people?

What does it pay?

Same salary as the president.

No,

I'd rather

I'd rather be a Columbian police officer in the 80s.

Tell him, Steve Dave.

Hey, Walt here.

Real quick, I just wanted to see if there were any New Jersey-based tattoo artists who might want to appear on camera providing a tattoo on an upcoming episode of Jimmy the Hair Guy's Mystery Inc.

If so, please contact me at kmuse2 at gmail.com.

That's KMEWES2 E S two at gmail.com.

All right.

All right.

Thanks.