#543: No Apologies

How did the murders take place?

They were castrated.

They were

all right.

Oh, you're talking about one friend sucking another friend's dick?

I would never disown one episode of TSD.

Maybe the ones I weren't on, though.

Right.

That's a funny episode.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's week's edition of Tellum Steve Dave.

I am sitting here around the ping pong table with Walt.

Cello.

And with BQ.

Hello.

BQ, right out of the gate.

Congratulations.

Thanks, bud.

A decade, Walt.

A decade of making people laugh, making people smile.

Yeah.

More.

13 years.

13 years?

We shot it in 12 years.

10 seasons, yeah.

10 seasons over 12 years.

Let's say 12 years.

We wrapped it, season 10.

It's about to start.

Starts.

Oh, yeah.

I should point that.

I guess I should say that.

Yeah, February 9th, the new season of Joker starts

on True TV and TBS.

Simulcasting.

Two networks.

Two networks.

Double-fisted networks.

That's right.

We got, you know, guests.

We got our boy season premiere

going hard.

Brett Michaels.

Brett Michaels, bro.

Poison.

Poison.

That's right.

That's a way to kick it off.

You fucking bet your ass.

I'm excited, man.

He came in, he killed.

And Paul Rudd.

Oh, Paul Rudd's on the same episode.

And Paul Rudd's in the same episode, yeah.

Wow.

How is Brett Michaels getting top billing in over?

Because he's got Ant-Man coming out in February, too.

I know.

Brett Michaels, bro.

Is he in the Ant-Man costume?

No, what happened?

Paul brought his daughter to set because she's a fan of the show.

And then he jumped on camera with us to have some fun.

That's dope.

Yeah.

So it's him and Brett Michaels got along so well.

It was awesome.

Like they had such a good time with each other.

So that comes across on screen.

Where else are you going to see Paul Rudd and Brett Michaels grabbing ass together on television?

You tell me.

Is it easier for super famous, super, super celebrities to connect and immediately have that immediate connection and

you know that

is just something about like being like, hey, you're super famous.

I'm super famous.

I don't think it's that.

I don't think it's that.

No, it's not that.

It's not that, oh, we're in the super famous club.

I think what they see with each other is, here's someone I've been a fan of.

Like normally it's a one-way street.

I'm Paul Rudd.

People are a fan of me.

Right.

Like, so I think when you meet someone that you're excited to meet, it's probably rarer.

You know, like, I like you because of this.

I like this.

You like your song.

And I like your movie of this.

And you just keep throwing compliments back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

You don't really do that.

I don't even notice that anymore.

you just like, you know, it's like you feel like you know someone because they've been in your life so long.

And I think that, you know, everybody has that.

There have to have been people on the show, though.

You don't have to name names.

Yeah.

But people that you're like, oh, why would we have this guy?

No.

There was.

No, I know for us there were people.

Well,

no.

At least personally.

No, not really.

There was one person that we were, I don't want to say who it was,

but we were told that they're coming to set with 15 people and that we only only have about 20 minutes of prep time with them before they go on and nobody's allowed to talk to them before that.

And

when this person got to set, they were there with three people and they were perfectly nice and happy and hung out the entire time.

So their people set it up like they were high maintenance.

Yeah.

And then, yeah,

that was it.

That was the only choppy thing.

You get weird things like that.

Like we have Cal Penn on.

Yeah.

And, you know, I love those Harold and Kumar movies so much.

I was like, super excited to talk to him about that.

Then I wanted to start sucking his dick, like you pointed out, Walt.

And I'm like, oh, I love that.

Hold on.

I thought Brian made that makeup.

No, no, it's just throwing compliments about you.

Yeah, nothing about the lower.

Okay, no lowers.

And I was excited about that.

And on the phone with his manager agent, he was like, they were like, yeah, no,

no, don't talk about Harold and Kumar.

And we're like, what?

And then we got to set, and right away, I started talking about Harold and Kumar, and he fucking loved it.

And then when I told him what we had heard, he goes, I have never given that instruction in my life.

He goes, I don't know why somebody would tell you that.

He goes, those movies made my career.

I love, I love that.

And we talked about them first.

So

everybody was fucking great.

Great.

Great.

It's the people around the star that are so fucking worried that you're going to ruffle their feathers that they have to overcompensate.

Well, they got to justify their job.

Yeah.

You know, they got to show up.

Like, like we had

basketball players on, and they were like, you can't ask for signatures and stuff like that.

Don't ask for that.

And then by the end, they're signing basketballs for the whole crew member and shit like that.

You know, everybody's nice.

They get there and they're excited.

But this is especially these first five episodes.

Any ants out there who have

a

Nielsen box.

Nielsen box.

I need you guys.

Do they still exist?

Yeah, they exist.

Yeah.

Fuck yeah.

They'll never get rid of the Nielsen boxes.

They need them.

Well, they need ratings.

But anyway, anyway, if you guys are out there, and I know you are, like, never asking for anything.

Because we don't have a season 11 yet.

The show might be over.

We don't know.

And I think that hinges on, for the first time ever, on ratings.

Right.

So if you guys are out there and could do that, I would appreciate that because I'd still like to make the show.

Of course.

Fucking love it.

Love the crew.

Love doing it.

We're having a lot of we fixed it, figured out how to use celebrities in a great way.

We're having a blast, man.

Now, you're also going on tour.

Yeah.

I should probably promote that too.

Busy be over here.

Yeah, we're back on tour.

I think Practical is Live.

I think we kick off in Pittsburgh on

February 2nd?

We have warm-up shows, but I think the first official show is in Pittsburgh.

I never promote our shit, and I always

get shit for that.

Oh, February 2nd.

Holy shit, that's close.

Yeah, 2nd,

Camden, New Jersey, and Boston, although I think Boston saw that already.

But yeah, so we're back on tour, man.

Now, it's not too late because the tour hasn't started.

Would you guys consider

doing something very similar to Madonna's tour announcement video?

Why, what's going on?

Oh, you never saw it?

No.

Did you see it all?

No.

Oh,

this might be a move point.

Yeah,

it's recent.

I encourage everyone to seek it out and watch it because it's like

a level of cringe.

that you're like, I can't believe somebody thought this was a good idea.

I can't believe once it was shot, they went ahead with it.

It's Madonna

sitting at a table, a big table with a bunch of celebrities.

Most of them I don't recognize, but one was

Jack Black is there.

Oh, wow.

Amy Schumer is there.

Wiz Khalifa is there.

Amy Schumer makes sense.

Lil Wayne is there.

And

much to my disappointment, Eric Andre was there.

Eric Andre?

Yeah.

I like Eric Andre.

I fucking love him.

He's fucking funny as hell.

I was sad to see him in this company because it's like they're all sitting around and they're playing this.

They're going to be like, let's play truth or dare.

Yeah.

And of course, Madonna immediately comes out with this like super vulgar dare to Andy Schuler.

She's still doing that.

She's 65 and she's still trying to like, she really tried to keep it edgy the entire time.

Yeah.

And you're just looking at her and you're like, this, if a space alien came to Earth, this is what it would look like.

Right.

She looks, because

they had a side-by-side with her early material girl years where she looks like Marilyn Monroe.

Yeah.

And not like the corpse of Marilyn Monroe.

That's what she looks like now.

Oh, my God.

She looks horrible.

So then

they go through these series of truther dares,

and some are dumb, some are, like, at one point, somebody's like, I dare you to tongue-kiss Jack Black to Madonna.

What was Jack Black like?

Jack Black was so excited.

I would have been horrified.

I would have been like, oh, wait a minute.

I thought I was doing you a favor.

Nobody said anything about it.

I'm the object of a dare.

People would not want to kiss me.

You're in the company of a bunch of other fucking celebrities.

Madonna, arguably the biggest celebrity at the table.

Yeah.

Like, she's, I mean, that's Madonna.

That's a name.

No matter what she is now, she's Madonna.

She's Madonna.

And Jack Black reacts very positively, though.

He goes, fuck yeah, fuck yeah.

And then Madonna proceeds to poor Jack Black, though.

It's such a like a there's what else can he say?

Back-handed, like reason.

You would be there.

Yeah, I would make out with Madonna if I could.

Would you?

Right, but if somebody's on a life's checklist, man, making out with Madonna, it's you know, it's making out with Madonna 30 years ago.

But

isn't it better to make out with Madonna now?

Now that I think about it, what are you talking about?

I was off on that one.

Sorry, well, but isn't it all about context, though, how it's presented?

It's not like, you you just shimmied up to Madonna at a club and all of a sudden you guys start making out.

It's because she's kissing you because she was.

She was dared.

She was dared.

You're going to lose a bit of it.

It's a kazazz.

You're somebody better.

Somebody put Jack Black because they thought he was the least likely she'd want to make out with.

There's a guy who deep throats a bottle.

But then Amy Schumer, and it's just like the acting is fucking atrocious.

She's like, I know.

I dare you to go on a world tour and do all your hit songs.

Madonna's like, do you think people would go to that?

I was holding a cue card.

Oh, my God.

Oh, dude, it's fucking embarrassing and hard to watch.

Wow.

Well, if I can't stand up for Eric Andre,

you know, if somebody called me to go to that, I would go to that.

You would go to that?

Oh, 100%.

100%.

You got it because it's so weird, but then it's like, it's almost like.

It's not as bad, but it's like being part of those woke videos that you're fucking

that all those people are putting out.

Yeah, it's a little less embarrassing because it's at the cap, it's at like the, to me, the altar of capitalism.

Yeah, and they're drinking and they're having a good time and shit at a pierced anyway.

I mean, is she going to sing her old songs?

Is that what's going on?

Four decades of music.

So all the hits from the past 40 years.

Sounds like a good show.

Come on.

She's smart enough to realize she better not play any of your new shit because no one gives a fuck.

Nobody cares.

Yeah.

Material girl.

But now

she regrets Material Girl.

Papa, don't preach.

Oh, fuck, not another new one.

Yeah.

Oh, should I do anything while I'm going to the snack bar?

Go take a whiz.

Call me if she sings Material Girl.

You think she'll sing it again?

But she denounces Material Girl.

She says it sends the wrong message.

Oh, my God.

No.

She said that.

Yeah, she says it sends the wrong message that women are vapid and only want to show up and are in the middle.

Remember when you were fun, Madonna?

Yeah, remember?

Remember when you were right, Madonna?

Nobody fucking overanalyzed it.

People were just like, hey, that's a catchy song.

Let me dance to it.

Yeah, like if you've made millions of dollars off a song, just fucking don't

disown it.

Yeah.

Some class.

Imagine if we disowned, I would never disown one episode of TSD.

No, maybe the ones I weren't on, though.

Right.

That's not fucking

coming out against them.

It's an official tell him, Steve, Dave, episode.

You're falling behind.

Yeah, I will always be proud to promote them and never

say, oh, well,

this sent a bad message.

Right.

Yeah.

Even though some of them did.

I continue to.

Yeah.

Including Tilly, hopefully.

Yeah.

So you've got a lot going on, BQ.

Well, a lot less going on as of yesterday, yeah.

Well, you got the big tour.

Does the tour have a nickname?

It's the drive, drive, drive, drive, drive tour, which is from a punishment on the TV show that I tell the story about, where they made me drive for 11 hours listening to those, that, like this 30-second song over and over again.

We talk about that.

Yeah, no, we talk about Benjamin Cat a little bit on stage.

Like, it's a blast.

I talk about my dead cat.

Yeah.

This is every week.

No, no, no.

Once we, well, the next two weeks are because we're doing a bunch of warm-up shows just to make sure all the materials

going.

And then once we start February 2nd, I think it's like every other weekend

for the next six months.

And then we'll start adding shows and stuff.

So you know what that means, Walt.

Finally, me, Q, and Sunday Jeff can do Sunday grind basket cakes.

One and two.

It's a free time.

All right.

You've been waiting a long time for this.

I got them all outlined and ready to go.

Oh, absolutely.

Once February 13th comes, man, my schedule is so, so much easier.

Nice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But please, please watch the show, my aunts.

Watch the show.

Come to see us on the live show.

There's a bunch of Tell him Steve Dave little things in there, too.

Yeah.

I could say Mr.

Whiskers at one point.

I'm doing little things like that.

Yeah, yeah.

Nice.

What do I have here?

I had some shit I wrote down over the...

Oh, we went to a car museum.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

There's not much to speak of, though, except Frank still insists on eating onion rings.

In a car, a small car?

No, in a restaurant.

He has severe digestive issues with onion rings

to the point where he has to, like, if he eats them, then he has to stop.

Like, you gave him a ride.

He gave you guys a ride home from the car museum.

Did you stop many times for the bathroom?

No.

You know, he seemed to be this time he didn't have such an adverse reaction.

He says explosive.

To the explosive area.

You know, you love onion rings when you still eat them when you're going through hell afterwards.

Yeah.

You really got to love the taste of onion rings.

They're not even that great.

I've never had one.

I like onion rings.

I had them, and I'm like, they're okay.

But if I knew they were going to get me sick, there's just

even the potential.

Even if it was like the greatest slice of pizza, like from the pizza parlour I loved, if it got me sick every time,

after two times, I'm like, you know what?

Never should have given them a pass the first time.

I don't get fucking bloody diarrhea.

Speaking of Frank Five, I meant to mention this.

We shot a bit for the show a few weeks ago, and I was getting out of my car, and I went to look in something, and the Frank Five Day pin that I had taken was in my car.

So there's a bit where we're getting interviewed.

We're pretending to get interviewed, and I put it on my thing.

So those Frank Five pins are about to be in the past.

I'm about to jump up in

the back.

I wish I had more.

Yeah, the Frank Five Day pin will be on Jokers this season.

Nice.

You would have liked this car museum.

They had a

DeLorean?

They had a DeLorean.

They had DeLorean all pimped out.

What did it have, the Proton power?

Oh, it had everything.

It had something that Frank didn't have, and Frank was a little jelly.

The

flux capacitor?

Yeah, it had everything.

There's nothing it didn't have.

There was a General Lee.

Ooh, nice.

But you don't see

General Lee all that much on display anymore with good reason.

The best people to have the balls to put it on screen were the comic book men.

Yeah, you see where that got us.

We got integrity.

We got balls.

We got balls, don't you know?

Don't you know?

If they were to remake that today, let's say they're like, some executives, like, I got a great idea, new version of Duke Zahaz.

If they make it today, they're just putting the American flag on top, right?

If that.

I don't even think they would call the car to General Lee.

I don't think that they'll.

I'm sure it won't even be orange with the 01.

I'm sure it'll be a totally different car, safe and

totally vanilla.

I would just make it a

Prius.

Yeah, a white Prius.

That's the only way you can put it.

What do you mean a white Prius?

Canceled.

The show's cancelled.

They had a Ghostbusters car.

Get this.

Get this, Q.

Yeah.

He had the Ghostbusters car from the good, the best Ghostbusters movie.

So it was ours.

Yeah.

Yep.

Yeah.

And it was screen used.

Oh, so he got it?

He picked it up at the hotel or whatever.

Where is that one?

And he has the

poster of

the movie it came from and the TV next to it on a loop showing the movie.

And I said to Brian, I was just like, I wouldn't even say it was from that Ghostbuster.

I'd just be like, because nobody, I think the common person would be like, oh my God, it's Ghostbusters car.

Yeah.

Especially,

not you.

Especially the common person of this demographic, because everyone was like 85 years old.

Yeah.

It was like, yeah, we brought down the mean average age quite a bit.

It was all old white guys.

You have to remove yourself and your

way that Ecto one looks.

I don't think they fucked up that at all.

I thought it looked great.

But I think the common man does not, if he sees the two cars side by side, he's going to be like, which one is from the original?

I don't know if most people can pick it out.

I don't know about that.

The old one, it's a Cadillac.

It's such a classic.

I think you're just

30-something years.

You love it too much, though,

to be be able to separate.

I guess, but I'm not the only one.

The whole ad campaign

when the Afterlife came out was on the car at first, and people were losing their minds.

But they liked it.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I mean, he hasn't had much to worry about.

He's got so many other cars.

He had a Batmobile, the 66.

It was unbelievable.

The number of cars you had.

You guys were in the original.

A lot of muscle cars.

What's that?

You guys were in the original.

A replica Batmobile.

But the original helicopter.

Probably a replica as well.

Oh, really?

I thought that was you.

Only Mike went up and out helicopter.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

It's weird, though, like, when, like, when I didn't notice, what's that club you join when you uh get up when you're in the air

club joining the pilot?

No wonder they were going into a tail spin.

That was one of the jokes I made didn't get in.

So now I can tell it down.

Hello, hold up.

Jokes never change with this group.

I saw a friend on Reddit where someone fucking like bashing comic book men because all it was was Brian telling Mike and Menke jokes

And that's the the fucking with the the essay this person wrote is why Comic Book Men never like went above like never achieved any kind of level of success.

Every episode I can take six or seven.

I can make these jokes.

And I was like,

I don't like them like that anymore.

You got to treasure that shit.

You're not going to see that again.

That's looking funny.

His like shall never walk the earth again.

Yeah, I told Michelle, I may have even said it on an episode of Behind the Fake Counter, where I was like, we existed in this small pocket of time where you could do that.

Like, just as we were not renewed, it kind of ended.

Like, if we were still on the air today, there's no funny, or even for the past couple of years, there's no point.

There'd be notes.

There'd be notes.

Oh, yeah.

Big time notes.

That's funny, man.

I love that a guy wrote an essay about it.

He was angry about it.

Like, he was saying that, like, I guess somebody wrote how much they like Comic Book Man and why they wondered why it didn't get a bigger audience, why it never found a bigger audience, because it contains everything that this particular person loved, and this other person then wrote, Well, this is why.

You know, like he was slamming the keyboard saying that, like, it was due to fucking all the gay jokes that

were flying hot and heavy.

They're not really gay jokes, though.

You're talking about one friend sucking another friend's dick.

Like, you're not making fun of gays, you're making like you put his dick in your mouth.

Yeah, even though you're both married.

What are you doing?

Why are you doing that?

I don't care that you do it.

I'm just pointing out that you do it.

Yeah, like if I was a true homophobe, I wouldn't hang out with him, right?

Yeah.

That's a

pretty thin excuse for a fucking

defense.

Years of like, hey, guys.

That's fucking pretty funny.

That's great, man.

I had an idea for a prank superstar.

Okay.

It's a little involved, and I'm curious to hear your opinion on it.

Where I could get, like,

Mary Beth's parents don't know Troy.

Okay.

So he could be the one to make this call.

But I want him to call Mary Beth's parents and see, I need her involvement in this, and

it's proving difficult.

Calls her parents and says they were doing a welfare check, and

they're trying to get in touch with Mary Beth.

Have they heard from him in a while?

And I was like, this would necessitate you not talking to to him for, like, say, a week or so.

Sure.

I'm starting to understand why she doesn't want any part of it.

They're going back and forth.

And the, you know, like, and then Troy would be like, you know, since there's been, you know, a history of domestic violence in the house, you know, we're going to, we needed to

follow up on that.

And Mr.

Johnson was very uncooperative.

He wouldn't let us in the house.

He said that

she left with a guy in a white civic, and that's the last he saw of her.

So you wanted to pull like this.

joke that's a very butt set she goes yeah this is funny to who and i'm like i don't know what the joke is like this is this goes this goes a lot into the segment i i created for today okay this is this plays into very much why like like

this is happening in the real world daily like you know how many fucking women are going missing and their husbands are now being arrested for their murder it's like it seems like a lot a lot like there's been a rash of these in the last couple weeks right and you want to play upon that its newfound popularity it's trending

i thought in the end you were going to be like the switch was she was beating the shit out of you

and that was what her parents were going to find out that she's abusive towards you oh that could be but no instead you were like let me just terrify her and menace her parents well yeah whatever what if one of them has a heart attack on the phone you don't know what could happen well Mary Beth would have to be complicit, so I could be like, hey, it's not only my fault.

That's over fault.

I don't know about that.

Not a good prank.

No.

You know what I mean, dude?

I'd love to just support you, but this one, I would advise you to put it to the side.

Yeah, it is weird, isn't it?

Like, how many, like, did you see the guy?

He killed his four kids and his wife, and then, like, when they had his funeral, they photoshopped Jesus in his place.

Oh, I didn't see that.

Yeah.

Like I said, there's been a lot of these types of stories in the news lately about the husband reporting the wife missing.

Right.

And of course, they fucking inevitably find all these fucking horrific, gruesome internet searches about how to dispose of a body.

And

so, yeah,

it's been in the news quite a bit lately.

I have a whole bunch of notes about that kind of stuff.

Kevin gets murdered.

What was that?

Kevin Smith.

Or Kevin Smith.

Someone's phone's going off.

That's probably Gethem's.

Get him.

That's Kevin's phone.

I don't know.

It's sitting here.

Yeah, probably.

One of his six phones.

Kev gets murdered.

A week later, Mike gets murdered.

The following week, Ming gets murdered.

They're killing all the Compook Men.

Compook Men murders?

How do we change our daily routines?

Unless,

like, it's coming from inside.

It's me or Walt since we're the only survivors.

But it did, like, I did wonder, like, how would you change up your daily routine if...

Well, at which

number murder do you begin to be like, oh my god, they're killing the cast of Combo Man off one by one?

Is it gonna have to go to Ming or is it?

I think it goes if then I would I would think that if it went from like, say, Kev to Ming,

but Kev to Mike, I might be like, oh, it's somebody with something against the stash.

Then, as soon as I pull Ming into the mix, I'm like, well, this now there's a pattern.

How did the murders take place?

They were castrated.

They were.

All right.

Usually, that's a crime of passion.

Right.

So you think it was a murder-suicide, and either Mike or Ming did it.

Three weeks apart.

Oof.

Brutal, huh?

I don't know.

How would I change my day-to-day?

Yeah, because now you got to look out, man.

You got to look over your shoulder all the time.

Well, maybe, yeah, maybe I just

maybe I just take a long, like a vacation.

Like a sabbatical?

Maybe I go away for a couple weeks, a month,

you know,

put up another, put up a ring, maybe,

maybe a camera on the house.

Yeah.

That's how you're going to stop them getting murdered.

That'll record it at best.

I'll put up a beware of dog sign on the lawn.

Gun?

You might have to get a gun.

I don't know.

They fucking killed three of our guys.

I don't know if I'm comfortable with a gun in the house.

You know, I'm...

yeah, I just would be so

like I couldn't even imagine pulling the trigger on a gun.

That's like it's for me anyway.

Yeah,

at a target, I think I could obviously I could do it, but my God, pulling the trigger if someone's even coming would be so fucked up.

Like he's coming towards you

at a person.

That would be insane.

I don't even know if I could do it.

I guess in the moment.

He's got it.

He's going to get you.

Yeah, he's got

it.

He's got his castration knife out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's just fucks.

He's ready to geld you.

Yeah.

Oof.

Speaking of castration knife, I got a,

I told you guys, but you know, I've got a lot of emails about

my health recently.

So I want to thank all the concerned listeners and all the wonderful messages and everything.

But after that podcast dropped last week, I got one of the most solid pieces of

I don't know what you call a piece, but

moves that I've ever had, you know, regarding, you know, a doctor, which I know you have a lot of experience anyway, but my doctor called me because he listened to the podcast.

That blew my mind when you told me that.

Isn't that absolutely

jaw-dropping?

It did make me wonder, though, like, I thought about it a little bit afterwards.

He called to give you...

To tell me that the stinging was totally normal.

Don't worry about it.

It's totally normal.

You probably had

like a tear from the catheter and everything, the big boy catheter.

It did make me think, though, I was like, wait, that means Walt didn't go to the doctor the next day like he said he was going to.

I did not.

Right.

I was going to wait until Monday, and he called on Monday, which really fucking terrified me when I got the, when I said, because it's Martin Luther King Day, you know, never get bad news on that day.

Well, it's a holiday, and the doctor's calling me.

Right.

That's got to be bad news, I thought, but it turned out it wasn't bad news.

So that was a boss move.

It was really sweet of him to call and put my mind at ease.

Did you, like when he called and told you to to listen to the episode, did you try to upsell him on Patreon?

You're a doctor.

You could afford the highest tier.

You're an adamant, man.

Come on.

You've got to be an adamant pulling in.

I know what you're pulling in from what I got to build.

Isn't it fucked up even with insurance?

You're like, oh, my God.

Yeah, it is fucking nuts what they charge for an overnight stay at a hospital in America.

But what was I saying, though?

Yeah, I just thought that was really, really,

you know, he didn't have to call, and he called, which I thought was sweet.

Yeah, that's nice.

It seemed like

a weight was off your shoulders.

Yeah, yeah.

New lease on life, new new view on things?

Oh, I also got a lot of people telling me that

after you've had anesthesia, some people will have a bout with depression.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

More than one person told me that.

Okay.

And

Tom Milazowski, who works in the medical industry, told me, yeah, that's not that uncommon.

He goes, you know, I've heard people say that

after the anesthesia wears off, you could have,

you know, some

form of a little depression afterwards.

That's like more related to the fact that you're having medical issues than

because if you're going to feel a doubt about

it.

Well, no, because I should have been, shouldn't have been, right?

I mean, like, okay, I'm here.

Everything worked out.

Yeah.

I should have been in a great mood.

But it turns out I was having a hard time getting in a good mood.

It's all over now.

That wore off.

Thank God.

Yeah.

That's good to hear.

Well, I'm glad you're feeling better, man.

Yeah, I feel really good.

People like a 25-year-old as promised?

Yeah, it comes out like a fucking racehorse, man.

Nice.

What he wants it to, when he doesn't.

I was thinking about posting a video.

Come, look at this.

Check out this stream.

We need to hold this camera, film this.

Kenny, your phone was going off.

Sorry.

Speaking of Patreon,

tell them Steve Davis on Patreon Q.

We are.

This is a copy that I was told to read this week.

All right.

We do not promote Patreon enough.

We do not.

Or at all.

For only $5 a month, you can access the bonus show archive, hours of Patreon exclusive shows, and new content that's added weekly.

Hours upon hours of podcasting greatness.

There are shows like the all-new Sunday Jeff Show.

It's all about Frank, Purveyor's playlist, and pod.

Did she even get that right?

That's why there's a question mark at the end of it.

If that's not enough, there are tiers with six different tiers.

You can choose the one that works for you.

Get exclusive video content and merchandise, and access to a fan favorite tales from behind the fake counter.

You can find our Patreon at patreon.com/slash tellemsteve dave.

That's patreon.com/slash tell'emsteve dave.

Thank you, Patriot ants, for all your support.

She also tells me to give a personal endorsement.

What shows are coming up?

What's your favorite Patreon show?

Please personalize.

I will not.

No.

I have a request from

those big upper-tier ants, the Adam and

the Bullet, I believe it is, or Bulldog.

I think it's Bulldog.

If you haven't voted for your size for the bathrobe, please do so now.

I have like 75 people who didn't vote

for the size they need for the TSD bathrobe that's coming up.

And

I need you to go and enter your size, or else you're not going to get a bathrobe then.

You're fucked.

Yeah.

So we got like 75 people who don't check their emails or it goes to their spam.

Right.

You know, but yeah, that's a lot to waiting on semi-flight.

That's a lot.

There's a lot of people.

Yeah, the poll was released a couple weeks ago, so just go through your posts and you'll be able to find them.

Terry Claus.

Ooh, nice.

Yeah, it's going to be

a.

What's the artwork on it?

A TSD and a flash.

I thought on the back, something simple.

I got to get one of those.

Yeah.

What size are you?

On a bathrobe?

You want to go big and fluffy, so I guess an extra large.

Okay.

Yeah.

Just so I know.

I'd take an XL too.

All right.

This is pretty sweet.

This

shocking news.

Okay.

Facebook and Instagram may lift ban on bare breasts.

There's a ban on bare breasts?

Yeah, you're not allowed to show your tits on Instagram or Facebook.

For some reason, you can do it on Twitter.

I'm not sure why.

Okay.

But only for trans and non-binary users.

How do they know?

That was my question.

Like, can't you just, if you really want to show your tits on Instagram, can't you you be like, oh, I'm just non-binary?

Yeah.

And, but non-binary means like you don't adhere to one gender.

If I'm,

if I know this, if I'm.

I think that's what it is.

Okay, so what happens if today I feel like I'm a woman, right?

I'm

biologically a woman.

And I show my tits.

But tomorrow, I'm feeling more like a dude.

Do I need to then delete that post?

No, I think that you're just non-binary.

That's who you are.

It's not what you are on each day.

It's just that you have the right to show your tits whenever you want.

Now, my biggest problem with this.

You have a a problem with tits?

Yes.

Oh.

Not enough of them.

Oh.

Now, I say if you are a biologically born woman and you don't adhere to any of

the labels, the genders, any of that stuff.

Sure.

You're just like, hey, I'm a woman.

Sure.

Why can you not show your tits?

That, to me, seems like discrimination.

Big time.

They probably want to, it's probably about staving off porn and stuff like that, right?

But non-binary and transits, like, especially transits, like, oh, a trans woman can show her boobs.

Well, I think.

Then they're not, they don't don't really consider you a woman.

Well, do you think the thing is that, like, I could show my boobs on Instagram, no problem, right?

Because, you know, I only have small ones,

you know,

because you know, guys walk around with their shirts off all the time, and what they're saying is, like,

it's a weird rule.

Like, just make it, just let it fly.

Across the care, why you even boobs.

So, the only people who can't take advantage of this are people who identify as women?

Yes.

Everybody else but women can show can show a nipple.

Everybody.

Or a non-I this is this is why I can't.

It's hard to follow.

I don't fucking know what's going on anymore.

My fervent wish is that Instagram threads this needle and pulls it off.

Good luck, guys.

Yeah.

Good luck.

See, it says here

Meta's oversight board, an independent body of experts, which Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg has called the company Supreme Court for content moderation and censorship policies, ordered Facebook and Instagram to lift a ban on images of topless women for anyone who identifies as transgender as non-binary, meaning they view themselves as neither male nor female.

Now, for transgender people, I don't think that's true.

I think they definitely view themselves

as male or female.

If you're cisgender, you're fucking out of luck.

Well, no, if you're a cisgendered female, you're out of luck.

Cisgender female, yeah.

I can, I can lift these puppies flying at some point all day long.

Well, who's going to do anything?

Besides not watch,

which, by the way, would be everybody.

The board cited a recent decision to overturn a ban on two Instagram posts by a couple that describes themselves as transgender and non-binary.

The pose topless, but covered their nipples, only to have the post flagged by other users.

These boards should probably all be disbanded.

Yeah.

If I'm on that board and they're like, well, should cisgender ladies get to show their boobs?

I'm like, Yeah?

What kind of dumb question is that?

What is this meeting about?

Yeah.

Are we done?

Are we done here?

Yeah.

So,

ladies, if it comes down to it, you get a change.org going or something.

You can count on my signature.

To allow...

But the loophole's there already, though.

They just got to say they're non-binary.

Yeah, but maybe that's offensive to the non-binary community.

But certainly to people.

But you can't facts check it.

You can't fact-check that.

That's true.

Their friends can, though.

And then people don't want to come out as non-binary.

Like, I should, as a cisgender woman, I should be allowed to show my tits

Without going through these loopholes and shit, trying to pretend I'm something that I'm not, which is what they were asking transgender people to do for God knows how long.

Right.

It's a thorny issue, man.

Yeah.

It's a thorny issue, one that we're

not that involved in.

No.

But if people start posting boobs on Instagram and Facebook, I feel like I'm going to look.

You're going to look, but are you going to search it out?

Like I said, boobs are everywhere.

Yeah.

Can't escape them.

Why would you want to?

I would want to.

Yeah.

Not me.

Walt, you said you had something that may require Gidem.

I got to bring Getem in there.

Oh, boy.

My boy, get him.

There's something else that's really

get him.

Wow.

There was a lot of

not a lot.

I won't say a lot, but there was some support for tuna slop.

Looks like Mary Beth isn't the only one eating it.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Tuna casserole, I love it.

Great comfort food, that kind of stuff.

You hear about it, so it exists, so people like it.

Yeah.

You know?

So you're wrong again?

Again, still, whatever.

I know you guys don't follow football at all, really, or closely, but did you hear that Brady got eliminated in the playoffs?

That I heard, yeah.

It was a pretty ugly game, and he played pretty bad.

He looks like a man who is

getting divorced.

Lost the one to live?

It looks like he is determined not to take a hard hit.

Like he is throwing that ball away, throwing it away, like almost looks like Tony Randall, like throwing the ball away.

There's a reference no one's going to have to look up.

Come on.

Come on.

The smart gremlin.

He just looks like a man who is like, I cannot take a hit from like a 20-year-old fucking

Adonis.

It's probably smart of him to feel that way.

Right, but you can't play cornerback in the NFL, though, if you are not willing to stand in that pocket and take that punishment.

It just looks like a guy who's just like

should have retired last year.

Maybe,

but there's

a lot of speculation out there that he's not going to retire and he's going to a new team.

And I could not believe this:

that

TSD Town

is going to be able to break the news where Tom Brady is going to play next year because

one of us at the table has access to an insider.

Really?

And I was like, he didn't tell me this until about 10 minutes before I was leaving at the office yesterday.

I was here for three hours, and this is what he tells me as I'm walking out.

Now, the person.

I can see the stupid look on his face.

I'm assuming I know who it is.

Giddam has access to somebody who works

at Giant Stadium.

Okay.

So Giddam tells me that

no, no, it's somebody that would have like contact with bigwigs.

Okay.

And the New York Jets are going to sign Thomas Patrick Brady to a two-year deal next year.

Tom Brady is going to play for the New York Jets.

And that information comes from Giddam Steve Dave, right?

Wow.

What do you you mean?

What are you shaking your head for?

Yeah, he's distancing.

He's walking it back down.

He's laughing and giggling.

And like

he didn't tell me this with a total straight face yesterday and being like, I know where, you know, my.

I don't want to.

Can I say who told you?

Well, you weren't going to say that.

You don't know.

No one knows your real name, so nobody knows who your father is, right?

True, true.

So his father

works

in some sort of capacity for Giants Stadium.

Okay.

Has access to both Giants personnel and Jets personnel.

Great.

They are changing the turf next year solely

based upon Tom Brady coming to play for them.

They're going to grass, right?

Yes, they are going to grass.

Wow.

Do you know how many people have made careers becoming NFL insiders

with information like this?

This is absolutely bombastic.

And I want to get on the record.

I want somehow for us to be the first place to call it that Tom Brady is going to be in green next year.

Okay.

All the other teens will be in green with Envy.

Yeah, all podcasts.

All these sports podcasts are going like speculating.

Yeah.

Well, we got the definitive answer coming right from Gim's father, right?

Yeah.

The Jets, huh?

Yeah.

It's possible.

Now, do you think this might get picked up?

By the outlets?

By the mainstream media?

Yeah.

Two Rivet Times.

Red Bank Green.

But now, your father, when did he tell you this?

We were having breakfast the other morning.

And how did it come up?

We were just talking about football and, you know, how come he has it, you know, when's the last time he was at the stadium and,

you know, the game with Tom Brady against the Cowboys.

So, and how bad he looked.

Yeah.

And he says what?

Tell him what he said.

Tell us what he said.

People are on the fucking edge of their seat.

He said, you know, he goes, you know, Brady might come to the Jets.

Whoa.

Wait a second.

I've got a fucking reputation on the line here.

He might not.

Because they're willing to change the grass for him early.

Really?

They're going to change.

They are doing it.

Yeah.

And give him, what was it?

Would you say a two-year deal?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And a two-year deal.

But I said.

Now it's on you.

But you told me yesterday as I was walking out of the dogs.

My father says Tom Brady is playing for the Jets next year.

And I said, what makes him say that?

He goes, well, he has insider information, you said.

I said, yeah, he talks to people inside the stadium, yes.

Now, how reliable do you think this is?

What would you give it on a

scale of probability, like percentage-wise?

Sure.

But he is

like, he has to drive people to their spots, right?

Like, he has to take the biggest executives to their

sky boxes, right?

Well, not he does drive the golf cart around with NFL employees.

The owners, right?

So he would have had the Hess,

the Hess,

the people who own the Jets, which is, I think, the Hess family.

And a lot of those rich people don't acknowledge the peons and just talk loosely around them, not realizing that people are listening.

It's a fault.

And they might tell their son who might pass it on to his friend.

Yeah, who just happens to be on one of the most popular comedy podcasts on iJuns.

There you go.

Now.

To this day.

They got to pick it up.

Somebody's got to pick it up.

You heard it here first.

I just got a question.

The Giants play on that same field, so they would have had to agree to make the switch as well for the Jets.

Yeah.

That's.

Well, you think the other team would be like, no, we're not going to go to, we're going to stick with TERF because

it's more injury.

Turf is more injury.

They're paying just as much as the Giants to be there, I'm sure.

Giants.

What's the name of the stadium?

Yeah, it's Giants Stadium in name only.

Just like they're New York Giants, and they play right in the back.

I know, I know.

It's technically Met Life Stadium, but

oh, you're right, that's right.

Yeah, I refuse to

bow down to the corporate bigwigs.

No, no, wow.

Are you of any concern about your father losing his job or something now?

Because of this or becoming an ESPN analyst?

No, and no.

Like, can these rich people now get in that golf house?

Wait a minute.

First,

they would have to figure out who his father is.

Yeah.

Find out who he is, which is virtually impossible.

Sure.

He's never given out his real name.

Well,

even to Q.

We know,

well, we know there's probably only a limited amount of people that drive them around over there.

We know it's a male.

We know he's white.

Like I was saying, you could start narrowing all this down to like a small pool of people.

And then, you know, you look, your doctor listens to the show.

We found out.

It's a small world.

I don't know if they would take it out on the.

And plus, it's great buzz, too you know it's yeah i don't i don't see his father paying any price whatsoever for yeah for this this leak for leaking this insider information yeah yeah but all you jets fans out there and

you know that's great news for them and i will become a jets fan yeah this will be

the one and only thing that can make me root for one of those franchises that you know spits in my face for fucking the last new jersey team that calls themselves a new york team yeah yeah they should be the new jersey jets why don't they do that

yeah More cachet.

It's sexier to come from New York than Jersey.

Yeah.

Not after de Blasio.

I just fucking taught through that place.

That's true.

But I've asked Giddem to sit in and help

rate

some responses to this new segment I came up with called All Apologies, where it's I give you guys scenarios and you can either refuse to apologize or craft an on-the-spot apology that Gidem and I will grade to see who is the better apologist.

I think we know who that is already without him playing this game.

Now,

have you ever had to issue

a public apology?

I did.

Really?

For the Ching Chong song, if you'll remember,

people cut that together.

This is years ago.

Cut that together into a song,

and I issued an apology.

No one was asking for it, though, right?

No, nobody was asking.

It was just for the listeners.

It's all Steve David.

Have you ever had to apologize?

Do you recall?

Publicly, no.

Do you recall we've never really talked about it, but I had to publicly apologize right before Comic Bookman came out when an episode of TSD came out and I

and I said on the on the podcast, I was like, I just don't think women are funny.

Right.

Got a clip for this week.

Rekindle that fire.

I could not believe that like 10 days before the show is about to premiere, that Kev's wife publicly calls me out and brings attention to something that nobody fucking would have ever heard.

Really?

I don't remember this.

Yeah, she went on Twitter and was like, well, first off, all the assholes that were on the VSCU board alerted her or hipped her to the fact that I had said this.

They said, you don't find, you gave a personal opinion.

I said, I don't find women funny.

Okay.

But that changed when you saw Ghostbusters, the new

Ghostbusters

female version had not come out yet.

Watch some Elaine Boozler specials.

But

she was pretty upset by it, though.

But who does that?

Who calls somebody out publicly when they're in business with the show?

Nobody would have heard about this at all.

It was so important, Walter.

I should know.

So I had to rush to Twitter.

Well, how did it get to you?

How did it get to you?

She did it on Twitter.

She was just like, she was mad about it that I had said this.

And so I went on.

This is when I was.

So how did you find out?

It was on Twitter.

It was at it.

And like, we shared an account at that point.

Okay.

Remember Bri, me, and you all shared the Twitter account at that point.

Yeah, that's right.

But everyone migrated away because they were afraid that my tweets were going to be attributed to them.

But I went into that account and I had to fashion an apology where I said, I kind of think I remember what it was, where I said, you know, I had said something on the last episode of TSD and I spoke in,

you know, an error because if I look back, I realize that there are plenty of women who I found funny throughout my life, like Mary Tyler Moore,

Sally Struthers.

Lucille Ball.

I don't really find Lucille funny.

Uh-oh.

She's the queen, and I give her props.

Mr.

Cody.

And I said, Christy Alley had made it.

Sure, very funny.

And so I was like,

I was wrong about that.

And I just want to let people know that

I actually do find plenty of women funny.

Did you throw anything in there about that?

You were just on a comedy podcast talking shit, and nobody should take it seriously?

Yeah,

let alone the boss's wife who then goes and publicly exposes you.

What a fucking great move.

What a brainy move.

I'm mad.

Something that nobody would have known about has gotten me mad.

It's so funny.

Like, it's a podcast about fucking idiots just shooting shit about nothing.

Somebody took it seriously.

Yeah, she acts like it's fucking 60 minutes.

But there was a segment who hate listened to TSD back then on those VA boards, just waiting for the opportunity to be like, to alert somebody higher up that we had said something that they didn't think was funny.

Were you told to apologize?

No.

No.

No, but I felt the heat, though, coming down.

What's that?

Oh, a tail between my legs?

How'd that get there?

Yeah, knew that.

Like, I had like.

Well, you probably made somebody's life a lot easier by doing that.

Yeah.

You were being a good friend.

Yeah, I, I, and I, you know, and in retrospect, what I tweeted was the truth.

Like, I did find Christy Alley humorous.

I did find Sally Struthers funny on All in a Family.

I did find Mary Tyler Morgan.

No, I thought she was more hot than funny when I was a kid.

When I was a little kid, Mary Tyler Morgan.

Not just when you were a kid.

But it is funny that, like, you don't reference anyone pre-1980.

Kirsty Alley was in the 90s.

Kirsty Alley.

Was that the 90s?

Yeah.

Look who's talking.

That was the 90s.

That's true.

She just passed away, unfortunately.

No, I know.

And we lost a good one.

When Knight Yumer died, she was a whacked-out Scientologist.

Mary Toler Moore, too, is also not with us.

Oh, my God.

Frank 5 tweeted me, texted me a link to

a recent interview with Shelly Duvall.

Dude, it's fucked up.

She looks like a crackhead.

The guy, for whatever reasons, decides to interview her while she's sitting in her car.

And her car looks like one of those guys that goes down to the Collingswood auction.

It's filled with garbage.

Now, refresh me, Shilly Duvall, is who?

She was olive oil and Popeye.

She was Wendy and the Shining.

Oh, God.

She always looked a little off.

She looked off.

She had like weird teeth, real skinny.

She was a perfect olive oil.

She was a little bit of wing eyes.

She was hot.

Then compared to now, like she's probably, I guess she's in her 70s, but like not

well well-kempt.

No.

And is still fucking bitter about Nicholson getting all the attention when they shot The Shining.

Oh, yeah, she's still worried about it.

Still pissy about it, yeah.

She did give a good performance.

She was great.

She was great, yeah.

She should have, like, it should have been her career that was propelled to a new height.

Come on, man.

You're going against Jack Nicholson?

Come on, man.

Nobody's going to win that battle.

No one's going to win that battle.

Supposedly, she suffered a lot of abuse on the set.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

For her.

tortured her, right?

Yeah, there's been some contention about that, but they did say, like, the way he films is hellish.

She has every reason to be pissy about it.

If the stories that came out, how Kubrick treated her on the set of the Shining, are true.

That's not what she's complaining about, though.

She's complaining about people fawning over Nicholson.

Like, oh, Jack, what do you think?

Oh, Jack, should we do this?

Oh, Jack, she's going.

But Nicholson plays the same character every fucking time.

I also am a little bit, I scratch my head at how huge he became as an actor.

Really?

Yeah, it's the same character, it feels like.

Yeah, but if you do something that well, then just keep doing it.

Right, but like, he doesn't have range, though.

He was a pretty characteristic.

Yeah, but it's the same character, though.

So?

You know, it's not like he's a Hanks.

He's

always kind of in that Hanks thing.

But what don't you like about it?

You don't like him?

I don't think, no, I like him, but I don't know if he's like, he's put on that pedestal, like, you know, the Nero range and who's the guy in Dog Day after Pacino.

Pacino, yeah.

Yeah, like, there's these lofty levels that, like, are reserved for,

and

I think Nicholson is in there, though.

A few good men?

Did you see a few good men?

Yeah, he was good.

Yeah, he's good.

I'm not saying he's not bad, but I don't know if he's the same character.

If he fucking turns the water into it, he's a two drinks.

Chinatown, as good as it gets.

They're all different characters.

I don't know.

I didn't like Chinatown.

You don't like Chinatown?

Like Chinatown?

I'm a little boring, man.

Wow.

All right.

Okay.

All right.

Well, anyway,

But getting back to this game or the segment,

are you somebody that apologizes easy?

Or do you find yourself like, you know, it's not something you enjoy doing?

I don't enjoy doing it, and it probably comes difficult to me.

But like, sometimes, like, I've gotten better about it over the years where I feel like I know I did something wrong.

Like, a lot of times I would just wait until it faded away and not say anything, you know, especially within relationships.

Yeah.

But then in time.

Until the relationship faded away.

Yeah.

But yeah, as time went on, I was just like, I'm like, all right.

Like, I'm mad in the moment.

I'm being a dickhead.

But then later on, I'm like, yeah, I'm sorry about that.

I shouldn't have done that.

What about you, Q?

Do you find that you

fate that you maybe early on in your life, it was harder to

apologize, or do you feel it's always been easy for you to apologize when you're not?

I never had a problem apologizing.

If I really meant it,

like, I don't know.

I think it goes a long way towards soothing things over when you're like, oh, shit, I fucked up.

I might as well point this out.

Because the other thing, too, I always found like apologies, it's like, once you apologize,

like, and they're still going on about it, then they're the dickhead.

You know what I mean?

You know, you lay yourself down, you say, look, I fucked up, I did this wrong, I did that wrong.

If they're still going on it,

then all I gotta do is sit back and let them go and go and go, and they look bad, bad, bad, bad.

Accept the apology, be gracious, and move on.

What about you, Genem?

Do you

have you found that

you don't enjoy apologizing or do you find that it was easy for you when you had to?

Well, in the rare chances that I'm actually wrong,

it's just not people misunderstanding what the facts are.

You can't call your

dealing with your personality the facts.

You know, that's an e you're you're giving yourself an out, though.

Like, if you don't understand me or how I'm built, then no, I'm just saying if you misunderstand how the world is in general, you know, you may perceive it as me being wrong, but I'm actually quite right.

So, no, the answer is no, he doesn't like to follow.

You don't enjoy it, though.

No, no.

Yeah, I feel like I kind of side with Bri as like as you age,

yeah, apologies come a lot easier to give.

You know, you're not as

righteous.

You're not as, yeah, you don't have that young man ego and shit where it's like, how could I be wrong?

Well, it's about empathy, too, after a while, isn't it?

Because, like, you get

like if I've upset someone that I really care about, like I want to do anything I can to make that better.

You know what I mean?

So it's like if an apology is part of that,

it's you know, nobody wants to do it.

You know, you don't want people that you care about to be upset or not feel good.

A lot of times I'll try to rationalize it, like why I shouldn't be apologizing and why they're wrong.

And then once I run out of reasons, I'm like, all right, I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Sometimes I'll be like, look,

this is why I did what I did.

I just want you to to know why I did it.

It doesn't mean I'm right, and I know I was wrong anyway, but it just didn't come from like, I'm an asshole.

Like, I thought I was right in the moment.

I'm not.

I'm sorry.

But then sometimes that does sound like you're explaining yourself a little bit too much.

I'm a man, goddammit.

Yeah, you don't understand.

So I think we have two

different judges because, well, Jub, you'll be judging your apologies.

Okay.

You know, we have somebody here who comes from a different angle than I will.

So I think that's, that's good to have two different types of judges.

So the first scenario is for Q.

Okay.

You're on a podcast, not TSD.

All right.

And you talk about a past relationship that you broke off because you considered the sex mediocre to boring.

The day after the pod drops, you start to get hammered on social media.

with comments and posts such as

Q is like every other guy.

They all want an inexperienced good girl who's also somehow a super freak in the bedroom.

Sounds exactly like him.

And comments such as, Do you know this person?

Does anybody have an address or a phone number I can reach out to?

Do you think Q ever wondered maybe it's his fault the sexist was mediocre?

I doubt it.

Yeah.

And it's sad that Q at his age still thinks the most important thing in a relationship is raunchy sex.

Yeah, okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Do you issue an apology or do you just refuse to acknowledge it and hope it all dies down?

Phew.

See, I thought you were going to say the next day that person comes up to me and is like, I heard what you said about our sex life on the podcast.

Well, you didn't like, well, I gave you the benefit of the doubt.

You wouldn't say your name.

Sure, but right.

But that's where I thought you were going.

You're apologizing.

This is too

the public's outrage that you complete strangers.

You broke off a relationship with a girl who, just because you thought the sex was mediocre.

I mean, my initial reaction would honestly be like, I've done that.

Yeah, I have done that.

I have.

Had it done to me.

But I would be like,

trust me.

That just never happened to me.

I thought you were talking about him.

Oh, damn, they didn't talk about me.

Oh, they talked about me.

How dare you?

Never.

I would be like, look, honestly,

that I don't know if I'd apologize for.

But you're getting hammered.

I'd probably be like, you look like an insensitive ogre.

I would say, if you think that I was wrong to break out of that relationship because she was boring in bed and you're upset about that,

I feel bad for your husband's

pouring gasoline.

I would be like,

now you're.

Because if you don't think that sex is one of the most important things in a relationship, then I feel bad for whoever you're in a relationship with.

Do you have a

manager, a PR guy?

Sure.

He's like you.

I mean,

you can't blurb Vaseline in this.

You've got to fucking snuff this out.

People are upset.

Do you want us to write you something that you can just post?

No.

Now, what if the person outs themselves?

What do you mean?

The girl hears it, outs herself.

On Twitter.

Yeah.

And now everyone's rushing to defend her.

And she's a skank.

Well, she brought it up?

She heard what you said, tweeted, says, Hey, he was talking about me.

All I said was, I got out of a relationship because the sex was bad.

Ultimately, at the end of the day, there's no way on the planet I would think you would ever name names.

Sure.

But I'm saying they out themselves.

Well, these are the people.

Who's to believe her, though?

Why would the public believe her?

They're pissed off at him.

They're pissed off at me.

Any girl could be like, he was talking about me.

And like, even girls he doesn't know.

Okay.

But I'm just not sure what I'm apologizing for.

Because you came off as

insensitive, and like you have one-track mind, you know, the caveman, toxic masculinity.

Yeah.

I don't know, Walt.

I can't.

I know we're

in a fucking made-up scenario right now, and I can't do it.

I can't apologize for like wanting good sex.

I can't.

I won't do it.

All right.

Okay.

All right.

All right.

But I got it.

She's a premiere.

She's a premiere, mind you.

So, some aunts who have Nielsen boxes are upset.

This just got serious.

All right.

I'm not watching the new season ever.

You know, I would be like, here's what I would say.

I would say, perhaps I was a I think maybe I was a little coarse in how I expressed myself and, you know, was a little unforgiving of the fact that just as I expect to be under the umbrella of any sex is good sex as long as you're happy with it, like, like people can have sex once a fucking every five months, but if they're happy with it, then that's a fulfilling sex life for them.

And what I did was take the position that only my point of view on what a healthy sex life looks like and was sort of judgmental about everybody else's take on it, I shouldn't have done that.

What I should have done is say, hey, all sexuality, as long as everybody's satisfied, is good.

And as long as person A is happy and person B is happy, then nobody has a better handle on it than anybody else.

And I shouldn't have been so judgmental in the way that I express it.

I should say that, like everybody, there is a certain amount of sex that I need in a relationship, and that's right for me.

And I didn't mean to make it sound like somebody who feels differently is wrong.

And I legitimately regret that.

This is a man who spent 13 years in Hollywood.

That's really good.

Yeah.

A lot of buzzwords in there.

I should have been more inclusive rather than exclusion.

If I saw that apology, I'd block him on Twitter.

Like, I don't know this guy anymore.

And that's the most sincerest way I could do it.

I don't want to make anybody feel bad.

Because look, honestly, and this is like, I don't want to make anybody feel bad.

I don't want anybody listening to our show to sit there and be like, well, I don't have that sex life.

So there must be something wrong.

But all you said, I mean, you said it was boring and mediocre, but that's like subjective.

It's my definition of boring.

Like other people applying it to themselves, they're the assholes.

But I don't want to make that bad.

But I guess you can make the, you know, maybe what stays behind closed doors, I mean, what happens behind closed doors should stay behind closed doors, even if you're on a podcast?

I think it's okay to talk about it, but I think that when I talk about it, I have to keep in mind going forward that my experience is in everybody's.

Did you let that finger come out?

Do you need a fucking pointer finger come out?

He's making a point.

Like, my experiences aren't everybody's experiences.

And I'm sorry that if I made anybody feel like their experiences were wrong.

Okay, so again, we're going to give one the fives on these.

Okay.

So I'm going to give him a four.

I was going to say I was about to say that.

I think that was really good.

It's so sad at the, like, there's no points taken off for how sad it is that he has to apologize for this.

One point was taken off for you.

Yeah, she got muscled into it.

And

he didn't take into the...

Yeah.

A relationship is a shared thing.

It's both parties, or at least two parties coming together.

So you need to factor everyone's feelings in.

Again, he'd never mentioned anybody by name, though.

This is just about him and

his way of thinking that would put people off.

Yeah, but for him to say the sex is boring, it might have been exciting to the other person.

Did he ever communicate with you?

It was.

I just can't believe that.

Trust me on that one again.

I can't believe we actually live in a world because this doesn't seem that crazy.

Oh, it gets better.

Somebody who's like, yeah, I'm not really into boring and mediocre sex would be attacked

and

held to some fucking standard where he's forced to apologize.

But it's like, it could be totally real.

Like, if that happened, I would be like.

You're absolutely right.

At least unreal.

Okay, so Brian, what did you think of, though, his crafted apology, though?

I think it was pretty good.

If you're going to apologize, if you're going to just fucking.

He found the angle to go to.

He didn't grovel, though.

No.

I wish he had groveled a little bit more.

I would have given him a five if there was a little bit more, like, please forgive me.

He never said forgive, never said.

I'm in therapy now.

I'm hard to tell you.

I'm not sure if I can do it.

I'm taking you a step back.

You're right.

You're right.

Always room for improvement.

So what are you giving him?

Four.

Another four.

I'll take it.

I'll take it.

Who will be the other one?

Four will save you a career.

I think three and above, and you've still got a job.

I think you're all right.

I like to win titles when we do television game.

This is the one where I'm like, I'd be okay losing this.

All right, Bry.

Here's your scenario.

You are booked at a con in California, but they are dealing with intense months-long wildfires that have roads closed and make you sit in traffic for hours and hours after getting off your plane.

You tweet,

you're not going to make it at all to the con this weekend, along with the link to the Billy Joel song, We Didn't Start the Fire.

Backlash is immediate

with comments such such as, what an asshole.

Guess that beard covers his ears because he's fucking one tone-deaf idiot.

And who is paying to get a photo with anyone from CBM at a con in 2023?

It's just this.

These are all Waltzaka cast monkeys episodes.

So

this one, you might have a harder time saying you don't need to apologize for this, though.

Question.

Yes.

Has anyone died yet in the wildfire?

Nobody's died yet.

Okay, nobody's died yet in the wildfire.

There's a lot of road closures, a lot of people putting their lives at risk to try to stop these fires from

burning more land and trying to keep it contained.

And it's a fucking intense.

But, you know, Brian Johnson's stuck in traffic.

Right board.

He's making light of it.

On my way to a condo, make $60.

I'm pissed.

I want that money.

I spent $120 on the banner.

This is a rough one because, like, even if I saw somebody else tweet that, I would be like, what an idiot.

Even I would think that.

Like, why the fuck would somebody tweet that?

Because it's like, what?

It's not really that funny.

It's like, the song doesn't have anything to do with forest fires.

It's a different kind of fire.

I guess I was trying to take the blame off you for like, because you're, I figured in my head, you're like, you know, you're prone to cancel on these cons.

Right.

But in this way, you're saying, hey, I didn't start the fire, but I'm still not going to get there.

Fuck off.

Right, not my fault.

Don't bitch that I'm not going to be there because it ain't my fault.

So, have I heard bitching up to that point?

Nobody said anything.

Nobody's tweeted me in three days.

That's Khan.

Where's Brian Johnson?

His boost empty.

The only person that would be wondering that would be Ming.

He fucking said he was going to be here.

Ming wouldn't be wondering.

Nah, that's true.

Not at all.

He already gave your seat away to somebody else.

Okay, on one hand, I would like to say that I would be like, I'm not apologizing for this.

It's fucking if I just

said things and people have gotten upset and I just don't address it and it goes away.

I'm sorry, I just want to interrupt you.

I crafted this one so I figured so fucking out of bounds that you couldn't be like, I'm not going to apologize.

So we could.

No, no, no.

I will apologize.

I don't want to, though.

Okay, no.

No, I don't want to.

to.

But

I would be like, you know,

it's come to my attention that people aren't too happy with my last tweet.

I deleted it because I realized later on that I was just sort of following in the footsteps of greats like Gilbert Godfrey who didn't recognize

that tragedy plus time.

You dropped something right there.

It's a name.

Tragedy plus time equals comedy.

And I really just sort of hopped on it without thinking about the people who are actually suffering through this for like what really wasn't that funny of a joke.

So sorry about that.

Done.

Yep.

Done.

Short and sweet.

I'm not good at taking diversity training and all kinds of other stuff like you.

I feel dropping that name, though, kind of like he's trying to put himself in the same shoes as

compares himself to a great.

I tend to think

not a great anthology.

I tend to think.

What are you talking about?

Dry would go the William Shatner route.

How's it?

Just like, get a life.

At least, but that's the one.

You can't fucking

present yourself with another scenario that he didn't tweet.

He tweeted that what he just told you.

Yeah.

I'm going to give him a two.

A two?

A two.

I don't, if you had not brought in Gilbert Godfrey into the TV.

I learned from his mistakes.

I know, but you're still putting yourself from safety.

I learned learned now.

Two.

I'm going to say a three.

Wow, one less than mine?

Jesus Christ.

Where's the break?

Because I don't want to seem like I'm agreeing with him.

If that's what you feel is the proper answer.

But not agreeing with him.

How much more am I supposed to say?

I mean, it's not like you're right.

I didn't start the fire.

I made a bad joke about it.

That's where my culpability lies.

Like, how much apologizing am I supposed to do?

I think I would keep it short.

Like, Q is like one of four in his tweets.

Yeah, that wasn't 140-character apologizing.

No, no, no way.

Mine is within the 140.

Yeah.

Yeah, I just feel that there was a big, giant misstep by bringing up Gilbert Godfrey to kind of deflect.

You know, I mean, Gilbert did it.

Yeah.

He me for the tsunami victims.

This is just a wildfire.

Water puts out fire.

Nobody's even dead, according to Giddam.

All right, Q, you ready?

Yeah, I'm ready.

After ordering lunch for the IJ crew, you accidentally tip $2,000 instead of $200.

You call the restaurant and they refund it.

But the delivery guy goes on social media and blasts you for being a cheapskate.

Social media starts calling you Lion Brian and Brian Budget Quinn.

Yeah.

Lion Brian, Brian Budget Quinn discount Q.

Do you apologize or do you let this one just blow over?

This one

I probably wouldn't apologize for.

Because I'd be like,

fuck you people.

Why do I got to pay $2,000?

You're a name.

People will be like, well, you could afford it.

You should have just done it.

You should have just left it for him.

That made his day.

Then you took it away.

I'm not saying any of that.

All right, if I got to apologize, here's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to be like,

I'm going to blame my assistant.

I'm going to be like,

I

had nothing to do with any of this.

I'm only hearing about it when you're hearing about it.

I will be like, look, how about this?

I'll donate some money to like that fund for waiters and whatever that we're at at work for the pandemic.

That's helping with that.

And we'll just move on to important things.

You have a fucking career in becoming a PR guy.

That is fucking awesome.

Thank you.

Donating to the waiters

from the pandemic.

I would write

this just like boom, boom, boom.

I would write, yeah, because he's fucking doing doing anything for damage control.

He's so fucking afraid he might lose a nickel.

He might lose $1,800.

He should be giving it directly back to the guy.

Like, the guy's like, I thought I had two grand.

Now I got $200.

And he's going to spread out all the other waiters.

What are they going to get a dollar each?

Fucking the delivery guy is playing checkers.

Q is playing chess.

Now the guy can't bitch when he goes, I'm going to donate that $1,800 that you should have got to the fucking waiters charity because now that guy can't go out and bitch now.

No, no, if Q is playing chess.

If Q was playing chess, he would have turned it around and made it,

why aren't waiters being paid a livable wage?

No, I don't know about that.

No.

It's too convoluted.

I'm hooking myself into an issue that I have no part of at that point.

It'll come from a mistake.

You become an

I don't want to be an actor.

But at the end of the day, you also got to remember he really doesn't care all that much.

He just wants to escape a little bit of the heat, you know, make himself look good, blame somebody else

that he has to work with every day.

Why the fuck?

I blame Gilbert, and I didn't get any points for that.

You're putting yourself in the same shoes, like as Q said, as a legend.

People got mad at me in comic bookmen when Stan was in and I sat on the counter with him.

Right.

Oh, people got upset about that.

I remember that.

Yeah.

And I remember that.

That was really weird.

And people tweeted about it, and I wrote back.

I was like, what?

He creates comics and I create comics.

What's the difference?

That was my apology.

Good, you're right.

So, I'm gonna give Q another four.

Nice,

nice.

I'm gonna give him a three.

You're gonna put it up there with the Gilbert Godfrey.

It was really good, though.

Like, off the cuff,

like,

like, you can't stymie this guy.

Yeah, like I said, I think I think he could have done a little better.

I know you think he was playing chess, and maybe he was.

I'm thinking he's playing 3D chess.

Oh, get him.

Bri,

you reveal on a pod, not TSD, that you're not a fan of foreign movies and you rarely will watch one.

The internet explodes with posts like: CBM must stand for cis biased male.

And if he's xenophobic about movies, you know he's xenophobic about everything else.

I remain quiet because it's the truth.

I don't even want to watch one of their movies.

Xenophobic about people from New York.

New York is fine.

Xenophobic about movies.

Oh, that's a tough one to apologize for because I don't like foreign movies.

I would be like, look, what I should have included was that one of the reasons I'm not crazy about foreign movies is that my eyesight is failing and I have to, you know, use subtitles.

And a lot of times it's just hard for me to read the subtitles unless I'm on, like on top of the TV.

Plus, foreigners are dirty.

No, that part I wouldn't put in.

And to tell you the truth, it reminds me of everyone

going on about cultural appropriation because many times I don't understand the movie.

I'm just like, I don't have that context or that experience to be able to fully appreciate it.

So a lot of foreign movies are just lost on me.

But you don't want to try to learn?

Nope.

I like it.

He's playing the pity card, and he played it well.

You know, he's old and feeble.

Can't you?

Yeah.

Take pity on me, people.

Can't understand the plots of movies any longer.

He just has to watch Ernest movies.

I could hardly read the tweet.

I guess that's how bad my eyesight is.

I would have liked to have thrown some dyslexia in, maybe.

Like, I'm dyslexic and I can't read.

I'm giving out a four.

Nice.

All right.

That was a good one.

What about you, Get him?

I'm going to go with three.

Oh, get him.

Doctor on my side.

He's got no credibility.

Q.

Yep.

I think if he said, maybe I haven't found the right film and embraced the audience and pulled them in by offering you suggestions.

Okay, that would have increased his.

Yeah.

So the score right now is

15 to

12.

Oh, that's not bad at all.

So this is the final one, and it's for both of you.

So you'll both be able to craft apologies.

Hopefully,

bra, you're going to get to go first, so Q will be at a disadvantage.

He might be forced to steal some of your apology, which

we'll be

make sure that

we acknowledged if he tries to take any of your apologies.

Okay.

Don't even.

So you both are on a pod

and

You get into a discussion about how you discovered online that there's a segment of women who are into guys with really small members.

You both tell the obligatory small dick jokes and have a laugh, only to find out after the pod drops that you're getting hammered.

Oh, no.

Again?

The third week in a row.

Stop putting out episodes.

But posts such as, of course, the rich guy who is on TV and Handsome feels a need to make fun of guys who, by no fault of their own, don't quite measure up to him.

Oh, so we're not making fun of our own small dicks.

No.

we're mocking other people.

Yeah, you're mocking the guys with, you know, and it's also, you know, they're also, this here, you're making fun of the teeny fraction of the female population who might actually be into less endowed guys.

I guess we don't deserve love at all.

Teeny.

Bra, you're getting at it with this coming from a guy who thinks a comedy genius is bullying a small Asian man.

Go on.

And

finally, either this is a case of toxic masculinity or two insecure douchebags.

Regardless, I will revel in their cancellation.

Wow.

I'm mad about this.

Yeah, I can see that.

You're taking the females who are into

these guys, you're taking the piss out of them, and you're going a little hard on the guys

who are not as endowed.

You know, you're really going after them and kind of like made them feel marginalized.

Oh, this is a tough one because I don't give a fuck at all.

We made those jokes.

I don't care how many people were like, that's not cool.

I'd be like, it's a joke, you fucking idiot.

Relax.

Okay.

This is definitely a dreamt-up scenario because any of the people who are, like, if it's a dude going after you.

Yeah, it's weird.

Yeah, you're kind of outing yourself.

But the chicks, though, might be mad who are just like, you know what?

Like, that's what I like.

I'm not a size screen.

Right.

Like,

why am I to be made fun of by the likes of you?

Because I

like I'm more comfortable and it feels better with the just right size.

I wasn't talking about her.

I wasn't talking about her.

I feel like many people have misconstrued our comments, which really were just jokes.

Nobody knows what QRI are packing, so it could stem from

some

lack of self-confidence.

But

as with everything,

we try to make things light-hearted and funny for everyone.

Evidently, we didn't succeed this time.

Certainly, I didn't even take the women into consideration who

revel and enjoy small penises.

I've yet to meet any, but

I'm sure they're out there.

And

for that, I'm sorry.

For that, I'm sorry.

As far as the guys are concerned,

hey, you're right.

It's like being born, like, I wasn't born handsome.

And if people make fun of me for being not good looking, I don't particularly care for it either.

So to all my small wienered bros out there, sorry about that.

Hmm.

Did it sound genuine?

No, not really.

Well, it's not.

So

it shouldn't have.

Well, now we got the fucking

MVP over there, the guy who has fucking hit it out of the park the last two times.

Can you top that apology cue?

Can you come with an angle that

I think my angle would be this.

Well, first,

would you apologize?

No, of course.

It should be a tough one to apologize for.

If I was going to take a shot at it, I'm really in trouble here.

The heat's on.

What podcast are they?

Is it a humor podcast or is it a.

It doesn't matter.

Yeah, I think it does.

Like, if you're making jokes on it,

that's all they want to talk about.

That's the point, Guinam.

It was a three-hour pod talking about small things.

Sming show.

Smike and Smith.

Are there names legally changed?

You're either with Viskew or you're not.

I want to see those new birth certificates.

The ming is like, well, that didn't work out too good for me.

I'm not even getting any money for this.

And I still answer the Sming forum.

Anyone want to step further?

It's Smith.

Come on, Q.

I know you got it in you.

You have been like, you are the goat of a policy.

Well, I don't know.

This one might fall apart.

All right.

Are we assuming I'm in serious trouble here?

I got to get ahead of this thing.

Or am I?

Because there's two different apologies here.

This is the one I got to get ahead of this thing because the real problems are down, or this is some fucking maniacs online complaining.

What do I feel in the moment?

I think that

your PR team is in full-fledged fucking forealarm fire here.

Forealarm fire?

Forelong fire?

I'm coming out like, this is what I'm going to say.

I'm going to be like, look,

I'm an insecure person because I have a three-inch penis.

And

this has made me ashamed and embarrassed my entire life.

And that is why I

just tell him I have a small dick.

Put myself out there like that, throw myself on the fucking altar.

Yeah, because that's the go-to joke for so many people.

Like, Kevin's been using that forever.

So many times it's funny to get up on stage and talk about a small dick.

All right, all right, all right.

All right, okay.

Like you do some sort of like for charity, you're like, you're going to go get

like a some sort of like colonostomy or something like that.

You know how like that

lady did it for on the Today Show?

What was that?

Well, that it's like she did it like and she showed everything.

Okay,

the good of like promoting like people going to get the health.

It's provable I don't have a three-inch penis, so I can't lie and say that.

Okay, all right.

There's pictures like online,

not like what, like clothes, and there's some sleuths out there that look at the way that you know the

bumps.

There's pictures of you and Grace.

So I can't just emasculate myself and get out of this.

It's got even worse because they're caught lying.

All right, all right, all right.

I can't emasculate myself and get out of it.

Well,

um,

what was that lady's name?

Hmm.

Kathy Lee Gifford?

No.

Hoda Kotep?

Her husband died, and then she did it.

She went and did like a

Frank Gifford's not alive.

Forget it.

Frank Gifford?

No, it wasn't Kathleen Gifford.

No.

Man, this is a rough one.

Was it Kelly?

Kelly Ripper?

No, it wasn't Kelly Rip, because Mark Consuelis is still alive.

So you have no angle, huh?

No, I have an angle.

I'll come up with an angle.

All right.

Let's just say,

well, ultimately, we have to look at what we did, right?

Which is I upset two groups of people.

One, men with micropenis, because I made fun of them publicly and then the women who like it feel like i'm dismissing them as there's something wrong with them yeah as if they're freaks the damage that i'm trying to fix here is to make these people not feel like freaks right even though they are well so that's what you that's what you got to address which is like look i said something the other day it was it was you know kind of thoughtless i didn't really put the thought into it um

I grew up from a time where people just fucking ripped on each other for stuff like this.

And as I got got older, you know.

I didn't learn anything.

No, you can't.

You're supposed to grow up a little bit as you go, but every once in a while you slip back.

And honestly, I got to be honest with everybody listening to this.

I didn't think that would bother anybody.

And that's on me.

I've learned through this process that, you know, man, every word really has meanings.

Everyone,

every word has impact, man.

And like, again, it just goes back to the last thing I want to do is have people upset.

I never want to upset anybody.

And I failed in that.

I upset people with pretty casual thoughtlessness for a tired joke that wasn't even funny 20 years ago.

So I failed on every level here.

And the only thing I could do is apologize to everybody that I've made feel bad about it and really examine

why am I still leaning on these tired old jokes?

So this is like not only an apology, but it's a promise for growth

on my end.

And I appreciate your patience.

No more small dick jokes.

Yeah, no more.

I didn't realize that it was.

You make so many now.

Well, let me tell you something.

I've told this story before, and this is part of the apology.

Are you on like a talk show?

Yeah, yeah, I'm on Kathy Lee.

And this really happened years ago, but a little person came up to me at one of our live shows and says, you know, my wife and my children are all little people.

You must have the smallest cock.

Yeah.

And

he came up to me with his wife and said, me, my wife, and my kids watch your show.

And we feel safe watching it because

we know that you guys aren't going to make fun of us and our condition.

And we don't always have that when we turn on the TV.

Like, there are still people making jokes about the condition we have.

And we know that you guys don't do that.

And that's where I want to live.

And that's what I want to be to people.

And I failed that to the men suffering from this condition and the women who like it.

And I I failed you guys.

And I don't want to do that.

And I apologize to you guys.

And if you give me another chance to be a place that you can come to just for laughs,

I would relish that opportunity.

But if not, I understand, then I apologize either way.

He should get this is sickening.

Would you go one step further and make a like $100,000 donation

to

like one of those rooms that it extends?

Now you're in for $101,800, including the waiter.

He's absolutely great at it, right?

He's had years and years to practice being phony.

And that's what this all comes down to.

He doesn't really feel this way.

It's not funny.

I'm actually he feels that way about the dwarves.

That's what I'm drawing on.

Yeah.

Because I felt in that moment, oh, wow, that's funny.

But you know, if you made a little cuck joke, and there was some dude like, hey, I got a little cock.

Like, you know, you wouldn't care.

You couldn't.

You'd be like, whatever, dude.

That's your fucking problem.

This is my point, though.

You all, yeah,

it can be their problem, or you could legitimately feel bad that you made someone feel bad and try and fix that.

Like, I don't, I legitimately don't want to make anybody feel bad.

They feel bad because they're overreacting.

They're oversensitive.

Like,

you can't be accountable for everybody's feelings, Q.

No, you these little dick guys, they got to be like, look, man, everybody's making fun of you, not just me.

And these women, these fucking phantom women.

Oh, yeah.

You think there are women who are like, I totally get off on micropenis.

There's women who get off on micropenis.

I mean, I'm sure there's some, but it can't be a large contingent.

It just can't be.

People like medium.

They're looking for medium to large.

They're looking for something that's a little bit more.

That can't even penetrate?

No.

You know, we're just looking for something that they look.

They're not looking for a hog.

They're just looking for like a little like...

They don't want a yacht.

They want a dinghy.

Yeah.

It just feels better.

It's just more comfortable to do more with that.

I don't think so.

I've seen microphones.

I don't think you can do much with that.

I feel Q could have elevated the sufferers of this condition a little more than he.

Like, really made him part of a protected group.

No, be like, you know, the measure of a man is not the size of his penis.

But that's condescending.

Like, I'm telling them what a measure of a man is.

That's not my role.

My role is to...

Q has deemed you men.

Yeah, like my role is to take responsibility for what I said, not to impart lessons to people.

But you know what's scary is because I agree with you what you said.

Even in real life, I agree with you about the sentiment of like, hey, I don't want to say anything that's going to upset people.

Right.

But the scary thing is, though, then, that it makes you not want to say anything then, though, right?

Because you get so fucking worried about what you say.

Yeah,

it's like, it all comes down to the same thing, which is just like, use it, because we in this room all tend to look at sincerity as some sort of crime.

It's a weakness.

Yeah, or some sort of weakness.

But like, if you don't look at things from that point of view, it's pretty easy to apologize because like if you don't want to hurt someone and you did and you just look back why you did it, I mean, it's it's it's you know, it's pretty easy.

Right.

See, I always but you can but you can slip and make a mistake though.

Sure.

Right?

You know, you say something and you get caught up, you make a joke and you're like, oh fuck, I wish I had made that joke.

I made a joke one time that I to this day I regret.

It was the first screening of Vulgar.

And I don't know what made me say it, but we were.

Now we're going back to 90s.

Now this would have been like 2001.

Okay.

2000, somewhere in there.

It was like the first screening in a theater in New Jersey.

And I was up front with

doing a Q ⁇ A with Monica, who was the producer of the movie.

And

I said, yeah, we're here to talk about the movie.

You can ask us any questions you want.

Just don't ask her her bra size.

She won't tell me.

She's not going to tell tell you.

I don't know why I thought it was funny.

It didn't get a laugh.

And I could feel her eyes on me, like, what the fuck, dude?

Oh, yeah.

And I was like, it was one of those things where I'm like, why did I say that?

I don't think I ever apologized for it.

Probably.

I think it was actually the first time.

No, I haven't spoken to her in many, many years.

I think she'd be like, what are you talking about?

I don't even remember this.

Oh, yeah, I probably could.

Yeah, because she kept working in the industry.

Yeah.

You make right.

before you leave this

why don't you give a sincere apology right now?

Yeah,

yeah, I could do that because we were in a place.

Uh,

I also, somebody else, they were like, Hey, where are you from?

And he goes, Manville.

And I was like, Oh, if I was gay, that's where I'd want to live.

Like, it wasn't a successful first thing.

Yeah,

I was not seasoned at that point.

Is there is there like is there moans or is this like crickets?

The bra was crickets.

Manville, I don't remember.

It's so lame.

I can't.

I can't imagine there were many chocolates.

It's better to gay jokes.

You're upped your gay joke game.

Oh, definitely.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, some practice, you know?

10,000 hours.

Because, no, I mean, you are the master.

I mean, as Tom Bookman would attest to, I mean, you could turn any comment into a gay joke.

Not many fucking dudes can do that.

And they want to take it away from me.

They're complaining about it.

Innocent, innocuous comment.

Somehow you can put a spin on it.

There's a dick in my mouth.

How does cum taste?

When I worked for the bank,

after Hurricane Katrina, we decided to hold a fundraiser.

And so it was our department's job to come up with a flyer for it.

And I had just seen a Gerald McRainey television show.

The guy played Major Dad.

And so I put on the flyer, I was like, you know, come support the victims of Katrina, because sometimes bad weather happens to good people.

Because it was a line I heard on the show.

And my boss didn't go over

the copy before I handed it out to everybody in the building.

And I had to go back and request them all to get pulled back.

Really?

Actually, that sounds more clever than like.

Why are they upset about it?

He's like, he's like, what the fuck, what What are you doing?

I don't understand.

And I'm like, I go, I thought it was.

Have you never seen Major Dad?

It wasn't even Major Dad.

It was this other show.

But I'm like,

sometimes bad weather happens to good people.

I'm saying these are good people who had bad weather happen to them.

And that's why we're supporting him.

He wasn't.

Yeah, I don't know what he said.

Maybe he thought he was being flippant.

But they're raising money.

They're not clearly not being flippant.

It's also not the time to try to be clever.

I thought it was not clever more as it was impactful.

Like, you know, hey, you know, because I think like

the episode that it dealt with, like, somebody couldn't get to the parole hearing on time.

And, like, they were going to arrest him.

And, you know, his point was: sometimes bad weather happens to good people.

You know, he was on his way here.

He got stuck by a flood.

Right.

Yeah.

So, like, it was, I was trying to be.

It never really works out for you when you ad lib, right?

Yeah.

Stick to the script.

So, Q, you are

the ultimate apologist.

Yeah, man.

What a title.

That doesn't surprise me at all.

I've been sucking balls for fucking 13 years now.

Big and small.

All sorts of balls.

I knew Brian would have a hard time with the game.

I didn't know you were going to be so good at it, though.

But if this proves popular, we'll do it again.

Yeah.

How much did I lose by?

Seven points.

Did you grade the last one?

No.

How did I lose by seven?

I was only down by three.

Because his last apology was so good, there was no chance.

Double fives?

Yeah.

Oh, god damn it.

Sorry, bud.

Next time I mess up with Walt, can I

reach out to you for an absolute apology?

Okay.

So just put the other person first, talk from their point of view, and you got it, and you're good.

That's it.

What if, like, let's say, because today people look back, it's like, hey, a kid got

a college scholarship.

But wait, when he was 11, he tweeted something that he shouldn't have tweeted.

So now we're going to take the scholarship away.

If somebody unearthed a note or like a cartoon drawing you made from high school,

pretty offensive.

Staten Island offensive.

Somebody finds a drawing I did in high school that's offensive today.

Today.

This scenario is too real, though.

Like, that's why I stuck with

the most.

The outlandish stuff.

The outlandish and, you know,

because,

you you know that's a legitimate thing that you would you would you would want to like get in front of and try to really put the fire you're going to just be like i didn't do that yeah you can't take the flippant like you signed to brian quino you're like i never did that i don't know why you guys anybody can do that yeah

you just wrote cue

like in high school yeah yeah

wow good game yeah like i'm not good at apologizing but maybe it was some practice well yeah so maybe

you take a little bit of what you learned here today at this ping pong table and implement it in your real life.

He won't, because his approach, and this is one of the reasons I love you, this is a negative, this isn't a bug, this is a feature.

You think everybody else is a fucking idiot.

So you can't.

That's not a fucking plus, though.

It is for him.

So any apology.

coming from you will not be sincere because you already think their position is stupid.

So it's a placation.

Let me see if I can get these assholes to stop bothering me.

That's literally all it is with you.

You're just like, which is, you know, great.

But I met in his, like, in his real world situation.

Yeah, so did I.

His family.

So let me throw some corn in front of these pigeons.

They'll pick it right up.

I was exclusively talking about his real life.

Oh, Mary Beth, I'm so sorry.

Why are you wearing sunglasses?

I can hear your eyes rolling.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.