#541: Tuna Slop

Kellen Steve Dave sat recording in the comic store, but Brian Q felt that they needed more.

Film wanting women adventure and booze.

Bri just wanted to debate our potential topics and not have to lose.

So they traveled, Q traveling hitting pavements.

Brie providing abundances of vague navigation.

But whether they win or lose, triumph or fail.

Listen to this podcast and they will regale you with their tales.

Space Monkeys.

Hello and welcome to this new edition of...

Oh, Space Monkey.

Yep.

Space Monkeys twice in a row.

Sorry, it's not our fault.

You don't like it?

Talk to Walt Flanagan.

We just got to peel back the curtain here and we just did like 10 killer minutes.

Killer minutes.

Shit that you would pay for.

Fuck, it was so good.

I felt we were on track, but then we realized we were recording it to the wrong mic.

Something.

Some mic setup wasn't correct.

Yeah, on the board, I know this is going to shock no one with my technological prowess that I pressed the wrong button to record so I was only recording my mic and not yours.

Yeah, and I said some funny shit.

Sorry, I'm clicking and clacking around.

That's the thing.

I barely said anything.

Q shit.

Liquid gold, baby.

Damn, man.

You can see why I've had a hit TV show for so long.

Yeah, and you can see why I got canceled.

Yeah, but now it's all.

You get canceled.

Were we canceled or were we just not renewed?

It's just not renewed.

Canceled is like when you're fucking 10 episodes in and they're like,

this shit sucks.

Yeah, let's stop doing that.

Yeah, I don't think a cancel is when the contract runs out and they don't renew it.

Yeah.

You know, for the first time,

I've never said this before, so it's the first time I'll reveal it.

I miss doing TV.

Really?

I miss

going in every day and knowing that like we're going to have some fun.

We're going to shoot the shit.

We're going to like, I mean, you know what it's like.

For you, I think it's a little bit more like your show is way more involved than Comic Book Man ever was.

There's a lot lot of moving parts to your show.

Whereas for us, it was like stand behind this counter and fucking make fun of people.

Yeah, it was a fun.

Although, I have a lot of fun shooting the show, but yeah, I know what you mean.

Yeah, you can't get-I mean, I don't remember when you were doing it, where you never really complained about the show.

Every once in a while, you would have normal work complaints, but you seemed to enjoy it while you were doing it.

Yeah,

the only time I had problems was when the upper

the uh the suit stepped in and started saying, Oh, well, you can't say that, or you can't wear that, which is par for the course, I'm assuming.

Yeah, I thought you guys should have got paid more too, if I'm being completely honest.

Yeah, I agree with that.

Uh, yeah.

But, uh,

but we were, uh, we were just talking about Walt not being here for the second time in a row.

He was uh sick last time.

This time, he took a weekend jaunt down to Smithville, which is right outside Atlantic City.

Yeah, we did a little bit on Smithville.

We looked it up.

You're going to have to look it up yourself.

You're never going to hear a Smithville bit like the one Q did

that shit was fire.

Do the kids still say fire?

I don't even know if kids still say fire.

I don't know.

I don't know anything about the kids today.

Nah, except that they don't acknowledge us.

Nah, not really.

But, I mean, I mean,

they're not in a position.

I'm not in any position to be acknowledged by the kids today.

I'm not where they are.

I'm not doing what they're doing.

Can you imagine the horror of working in a situation like, say, Frank 5, where he's a college professor?

I'd almost rather be a cop than a college professor.

I'd almost rather be somebody that a cop is chasing than a college professor.

Anything that's dealing with the new generation.

And by the way, is that the way it's always been?

Like, it's always been that way.

We're just hitting the signpost in our life that every person has hit at this point in their life, right?

And the people who we dislike right now, the generation that we're not in tune with, will hit that with another generation.

I think way quicker too.

Yeah.

Because everything flips so fast these days.

Well, I think that they're saying that the Gen Zers are cooler than the millennials.

They're not as like...

Well, I mean, come on.

Yeah.

That's on a high bar to hurdle, I guess.

And now what's nice is like you get to watch the millennials

realize what the world is actually like.

Oh, are you seeing that?

You're seeing that in the world?

I think we're starting to see that a little bit.

Yeah.

Well, how old are millennials got to be in their 30s, my millennials are in their 30s by now.

So now, like,

I was idealistic when I was young.

20s, I was like real into recycling and nature and conservation and that kind of shit.

And not that, like, I mean, I'm not really that into recycling anymore.

I got to say, like, I recycle like I'm supposed to, and I bring all my cardboard down to the recycling unit.

Oh, yeah, I heard all about that.

Fucking wife can't stop ordering shit from Amazon and Wayfair.

Two places I wish didn't exist.

If they didn't exist,

I wouldn't have to go down to the cardboard.

Wouldn't we go to the cardboard dump twice a day?

Yeah.

It's nuts.

You were saying

you're seeing every...

I said, how old are millennials now?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

They're in their 30s.

They're not kids anymore.

No, and I think they're starting to see, like, oh, so the world isn't as simplistic as I made it out to be, where everybody should just be fucking buddies.

And yeah.

I don't know, man.

I never, I don't wonder how, I don't know.

I got no clue.

I don't even want to have a clue.

I just remember like my generation, the Gen X people were like,

fuck it.

Yeah.

What was wrong with fuck it?

When did fuck it become such a bad thing?

Yeah.

I don't know.

I think, I think, like, I don't know.

I think it's like, look, you got to be aware of what's there.

The point is they're saying is like, well, this is what's going on, and how you don't have to listen to this because you're this.

And I'm just like, all right, but like,

there's horrible shit going on.

I don't know, dude.

It's a, it's a snake eating its own fucking tail.

There's no point.

This is not, none of this was in the first 10 minutes we recorded.

No.

We should not.

We shouldn't.

We shouldn't devolve into this.

Let's not do it.

We're, you know, we're middle-aged.

Everybody listening knows it.

Well aware.

They're well aware.

They know they know what the views are.

They know what they're.

My point is, like, we're happiest

not dipping into that pool.

Stay out of that pool, bro.

You feel like you can't get into anything, though.

Like, say, if I were into politics.

Sure.

So I had strong feelings towards politics.

Okay.

Nobody's listening to my opinion.

Nobody cares.

Nobody cares what I think.

Nobody cares.

Which is good.

I'm not into politics.

So no, Chris Lodondo.

Nobody gives a fuck what you think.

Oh, my God.

Is that where this was all going?

Yeah.

That was the whole setup.

Oh, but no, actually, I was talking about the recycling.

That's what I was saying.

Recycling, like I try to like recycle and shit.

And,

you know, I'll even bring down, I don't throw the styrofoam in the garbage.

They have a styrofoam recycling thing there.

Okay.

So like I'm doing my part.

Yeah.

And then I go to like a place like Ohio.

There aren't any recycling laws.

People just throw stuff in the garbage.

And Ohio is a big state.

So I'm like, is what I'm doing like, I don't think anything I'm doing, have done, or ever will do is going to matter.

Well, I don't know about that.

I guess it depends on your metric, bud, I guess.

But I think that

what I've come to understand, and I'm probably wrong about it, is that

for the most part, plastic recycling is a joke.

It doesn't even really exist.

Oh, wait, you mean all those straws?

Yeah.

Those paper straws that we got to drink through that fucking dissolve in your drink, that doesn't really matter?

Well, the paper straws are not selected.

well here's the here's what they're saying like this is what i as i understand it it's like the only way to take care recycling is the company's passing the responsibility on to you well we make these plastic coke bottles but you're the one that has to recycle them right and they pass it on to you and then by supporting those efforts they can seem like they give a shit but really they put their little recycling insignia on they haven't done anything they're making the plastic bottles they're shipping them out the door and they don't give a fuck what happens to them after that but because of a pr PR campaign, you're like, oh, Coke recycles.

The truth of the matter is, plastic recycling doesn't really do much.

The only thing that can be done is the complete and total abolishment of plastic.

And I say I'm for it.

Like, I have a bottle of

iced tea here.

Diet peach iced tea made by Benner.

I get it from Aldi, whatever.

Okay.

It's my favorite iced tea.

It's the only iced tea I drink.

You love that shit, huh?

I love it.

All right.

Yeah, it's really good.

I advise you, if you like peach iced tea and you're looking for a diet, go to Aldi.

You're buying Aldi's.

Yeah, you're buying all these.

Yeah, I had formerly banned Mary Beth from Aldi, but then once I discovered this iced tea, it lightened up on it.

But I gotta say, the big problem with it is once you take it out of the refrigerator, it reaches room temperature in like 10 minutes.

Classic.

Yeah.

It just doesn't stay cold.

Right.

Well, I think the big problem with this is around a thousand years.

It's just like, why?

That is the only thing that is going to help just shutting off the spigot.

Stop plastic.

Don't go.

Is that ever going to happen?

Dude, we all know that's never going to happen.

People lost their minds when New Jersey banned the plastic bags, like, you know, like at a grocery store.

Yeah.

Because inevitably, you always forget your reusable plastic bags.

So you got to buy a new one.

And you got to buy new ones for 50 cents.

And if you have a large grocery order, you know, you're looking at an extra

five bucks.

And by the way, look under my kitchen sink.

I have about a thousand of those bags now.

They're not doing anybody anybody any good.

I used to have a laundry room until all the fucking all those reusable bags showed up from fucking Instacart.

Yeah, now it's they're like teeming.

They're like spilling out.

Yeah, so I don't I don't know dude.

I I I don't know look the I can't

Should we live in a world where the government comes in and says

what fucking you guys are cutting down plastic use by 50% within the next 10 years to start with and then all, then Coke's got to go back to glass bottles or aluminum or aluminum.

Like, why aren't they doing that?

I don't know.

There's not enough.

The money that would change hands hasn't changed hands.

But

I don't know, man.

That would be my guess.

There's some greasing of palms involved, and the right palms haven't been greased, or there isn't enough complaints about it.

Nobody's fucking.

Because, really, like, what do people care about, man?

People ultimately care about themselves and their own deal.

Sure.

And, like, everything else is secondary, which is right natural for every single person out there.

You got to take care of yourself and your loved ones first, and then you can worry about the fucking plastic bags and all the other shit.

That's the way the Italians taught it to me.

Yeah.

Sure.

You know, take care of your family, man.

Yeah.

Your backyard first.

But, yeah, I don't know.

But you would think that, like, knowing that that plastic bottle you're drinking from

and the company that makes it is doing immeasurable damage to the future of the human race and our planet like

maybe that's an area that the government could be like you're not doing it anymore fucking stop it yeah I don't know I don't know what do I know that they're it's not like because I know then they wouldn't get they wouldn't get their fucking donations and all that other shit like once you're in politics

I don't think it's about politics at all okay right I mean, this is not a new thought.

It's about money changing hands.

Yeah, tacking on bills to shit.

We're fucked.

Just so everybody out there, anybody listening, I don't care what country you're listening in.

We got people listening in Pakistan.

Oh, hey, guys.

Yeah, we don't know your language.

Otherwise, we'd use it.

Yeah, I would.

You know, obviously, we've got a big UK listenership.

Hey, I don't give a fuck what country you're living in.

They are fucking you over.

You're getting fucked over, but at the same time, like, my point is just like, if you're not going to do anything about it, and I'm not, then stop fucking worrying about it.

I mean, if you're going to do something about it, do something about it.

But if you're not, then, like, just try and have a good time.

Just,

can you just not be in the middle?

Not you.

I mean, like, either do something about it or fucking don't, like, I just stop pretending you're doing something about it with your nonsense, I guess.

But I don't know.

I just, dude, also, we're fucking past, we're going to be, you're already over 50, but like.

Level five.

It's like,

is any of these problems our problems?

Yeah, they're like, well, don't you want to leave a good planet planet for your grandchildren?

It's like, I don't got any, and I never will.

So I don't give a once I go.

This is everybody else's fucking problem.

Yeah.

And that's true,

even if you believe it or not.

Once you go, you're beyond the.

So I don't know, man.

Like, my thing is, like,

I don't know.

I don't have a thing, man.

I just

thought I had a thing, but at the end of the day, like, all I want to do is just fucking have a good time with the time that I have left.

Make a few people laugh along the way, be nice to people,

and you know, I sound like Joe Gatto.

Yeah, really.

I'm like, be kind.

So, yeah, maybe Joe was right, you know.

And he lives his life that way, certainly does.

He's a different creature, Joe Gatto, though, man.

He's a positive motherfucker.

He's a positive motherfucker.

He's an energetic motherfucker.

Yeah.

He's a creative, he loves being creative.

He loves getting his, you know, fucking hands in the work.

You know, and he's found found the version of that with a stand-up tour, which is great.

But yeah, I don't know, man.

My whole thing is just like, all right, just fucking just chill out and be cool to people.

Look, I just want to be the big Lebowski.

Yeah.

I just want to fuck a bowl every once in a while.

I'd like a nice rug.

I'd love to burn one every once in a while and just chill the fuck out.

Like, maybe, like, you know, ambition is the wrong thing.

Maybe, maybe the pursuit of happiness is the

thing.

But happiness for who?

Who deserves the happiness?

Yeah, and then people try to take it away from you.

Ah, people want to rip your happiness away.

Oh, you better believe it.

Yeah, and it can come from it.

It could be insidious.

Your next-door neighbor complaining about a fucking property line or

somebody you're trying to buy a Christmas tree from and they're pricked to you.

People are always trying to take it away from you.

Yeah.

Fuck it.

There's the theory you turn the other cheek and you just go on being nice.

Yeah.

Or you could be a bitter dick.

Guess which one I chose.

Yeah, I know.

You could do a little more cheek turning.

Yeah, I should turn the cheek a little bit more.

I don't really have an opportunity to turn the cheek that much, though, because I hardly interact with anyone.

And the people I do, I'm usually like,

I mean,

it's interactions like going to a pharmacy or

stopping by a grocery store or something.

Like we go to the Red Bank diner, Marybeth and I.

Okay.

And there's a lady there who's still open, huh?

No, they moved.

Okay.

It's down, like, way down by the post office now.

Gotcha.

And there's a lady there who, she's a waitress.

We always get her.

And I'm like, I genuinely like her.

And she's nice to me.

So I'm nice to her.

And I'm like, this is a perfect human interaction.

If this could be the way it is with everybody, but like I get on the road and I'm like, come on, you fucking moron.

Come on, you stupid fucking idiot.

You know, like the way people drive, I can't take it.

And I'm like, and then you start like, you start doing what I can't stand because people have done it to us.

We're the enemy now.

We're middle-aged white guys.

Sure.

And it's because we've been lumped into a group with, you know, like, because Harvey Weinstein goes and fucking sexually assaults people and then fucking this one does it and then that one does.

All these people.

Polly was looping you in that group.

I think that because of my comic book man connections.

No, no.

No, I think that like just as a just as a middle-aged white guy, you get lumped into like, you're a piece of garbage by a lot of people.

But who are these people?

This is my point.

These are people online.

That is always my point.

Like, I don't feel like I'm

lumped into a group of evil people.

You don't think so?

I don't think so because nobody says that shit to me.

Like, my interaction.

You're a major star.

They're not going to say that to you.

Oh, I think they would say it to me.

I think you're quite wrong.

I mean, and possibly my point is maybe they are saying it to me and I'm just not hearing it.

But it's like, it's okay, man.

I don't know, man.

I don't think people go around

in the real world, like, making these statements and accusations.

I just don't think so.

No.

I don't think so.

It's easy to do it online because there's no like you can fight with people online it's not face-to-face but somebody coming up and being like hey man because you are a white guy yeah double fives you're a piece of

that has never happened to you no it will never happen to you i don't know it will i don't know what if i what if i go to a march so let's say okay so you got 55 years

old i mean it depends on what you're protesting and or marching for or against like i'm not even willing to march for white guys

Like, I'm not willing to go to some men's rally.

Yeah, well, that's the thing.

If somebody was like, hey, man, we're doing a men's rights rally down in Red Bank today.

We're going to go fucking marching and then we're going to go to the Red Bank diner afterwards and have some fries.

You'd be like, can I just meet you at the fry?

You wouldn't be like, you'd look at them and be like, are you guys fucking idiots?

Yeah, you're wasting your time.

Like, what is the matter with you guys?

Like, what are you doing?

It's Saturday.

Like, go fucking do something.

Well, it's the idea of rights, too.

You know, like, whoa, we need men's rights.

We need women's rights.

We need transgender rights

who doesn't have the same right like i'm not i'm unclear um this is a real question this isn't even rhetorical i want to know who doesn't have the right same rights that say i do what black woman doesn't have the same rights that i do what transgender guy doesn't have well i think it's the enforcement of the rights that they're saying like i don't i don't know if rights is the right word i mean i use it enough Sure, but I don't think, like, I think their argument would be, and like, look, I don't want to get into this discussion.

You could look at the reasons behind it for anything, but like, I think their point is, like, look, if you were a transgender person or you were

a black woman, like, your life is going to have more obstacles than, say, me and you.

Correct?

I would agree to that.

You would agree with that.

I think that's all they're saying.

So it's not about rights.

It's not about rights.

It's like kind of about the right to live your life in a way that's not fucking like

impinged upon by fucking warrens because like you can't like there are so many fucking idiots in the world and like you have a hard time driving down the street with them could you imagine being fucking transgender and dealing with them like suddenly some low fucking intelligent and i am not taking a stance on anything i'm just saying like we know there are fucking morons in the world low fucking class low intellectual fucking morons everywhere i grew up on staten island i've seen them like they're walking around um

It's just like, and we have to deal with them.

And you and I, and it's just like,

fuck, this person's a moron, I don't know, or I can just get away from this person.

But, like,

you know, if you already have, if you're a black woman walking down the street and you got one of these fucking chuckleheads who would never say anything to me and you, look at her, and it's just like, well, now he's been on the internet all fucking morning reading about men's rights and shit like that.

And he sees a transgender person or black woman, he's going to say fucking something because he's a moron.

Yeah, I guess, I guess that's it.

I'm not accounting for the lowest more fucking idiots than we are.

And it's like for us to get lumped into with them sure you could say it's unfair but at the same time like

who's really lumping us in with them

yeah i get just a bunch of people who don't like white guys just like there's a bunch of people who don't like transgenders or a bunch of people who don't like black people they all get lumped in they get lumped in it's like i've been lumped in but nobody's lumped you in is my point nobody's lumped you in is what i'm saying you haven't been lumped in you're lumping yourself in am i you Nobody said it but you.

Yeah, that's true.

Like literally, nobody's even thinking it till you bring it up.

Huh.

I saw, I was telling you a little bit earlier, I saw on Twitter an aunt tell them, Steve, Dave, listener.

Yeah.

Transgender.

Yeah.

Who had the, who for the first time went out to a cafe.

It's male to female.

Right.

Went out to a cafe and

was talking about how good it felt to be able to like

be herself.

And you were really happy for him.

I was.

Yeah.

Yeah, I was.

I was like, that,

that's fucking cool.

That's cool that they can go out.

And it must be exciting, too.

It must be such a fucking exciting, like, feeling of, like, I don't know what a live feels like, but

like a completion of some sort.

But I've heard.

Yeah, yeah.

And I was really happy to see that, that, like, somebody could go out and not have to fucking, they're like, it went well.

Yeah.

They didn't have to deal with some dickhead saying something.

They didn't have to deal with something.

And I think that, like, if they had that experience the majority of the time, like, everything would be a lot fucking

the temperature and everything.

But, like, you just got fucking morons in the world, dude.

Not saying, like, by the way, there's moronic transgender people.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, there's fucking morons across the.

So all the morons are really causing problems for the rest of us.

But, like, at the end of the day, it's like, at least in

my corner of the world, like,

yeah.

There's fucking.

I don't know, man.

I don't, I can't.

Dude, you know what you should do?

You should get into like

you should do like, you know how those bikers who like drive around and like they're in the part of like a club and they like save kids who are getting abused and shit like that?

Right.

That's what you should do.

Or like when

over-religious people go to funerals.

Yeah.

And try to make a make a whole thing.

They rev their engines so that people can't, they get, they drown them out.

Maybe you should look into that because then, like...

Then I could start dealing meth.

Well,

no, but like you could, you could channel your, your, this, this, I, one, it's a community, you know?

So it's like, you know, like-minded individuals, uh, and all you're doing is irritating people, but the right people.

Right.

You know?

the child abusers, the people that would go to a wake and hold up a sign, like those type of assholes.

Like, you're fucking ruining their day, you know?

I just can't imagine being like, like,

i i can't remember what

what comedian it might have been chris rock was talking about how like

people have to be like-minded like you can't have a stand-up

pillar of the community doctor

and then your husband is a crackhead like it just what do you mean wait it's just not going to work like you have to have people who are like-minded oh okay yes right birds of a feather type birds of a feather type thing right so when you when

when you see these kinds of

see these kinds of groups and stuff, you're right.

Like, I would like to go drown out some over-religious people.

Yeah.

Or I would like to sit there and watch and laugh.

One of the two.

One of the two,

but I just feel like, why is Brian Maxwell texting me?

Brian Maxwell?

That's how I didn't even know he still had my number.

Hey.

Hey, Q, where are you talking about transgenders?

Oh, Alf.

He's excited about Alf.

Oh, is he?

Yeah, that's cool.

Send a picture of him with an Alf shirt on.

Oh, he's a little kid.

There he is.

I like Maxwell.

Yeah, I like him too.

He was supposed to come down during Christmas.

He never came.

Well, I don't.

I like him.

I wouldn't say he's the most reliable guy I've ever met in my entire life.

But if we're talking about morons, let's segue into this because I think we can start a new segment for the show.

Yeah.

Called Moron of the Week.

Oh, boy.

And I got one.

Oh, you got one?

It's me.

Remember that portrait we were talking about?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, I remember the portrait.

Well, here's portrait part two.

So

I'm really,

I don't want to do it.

Oh, you haven't done it yet?

No, we did.

Oh, you did?

I think I made that clear.

I really didn't want to do it.

But I'm like, all right, sometimes you got to do shit in a marriage you don't want to do.

Sure.

Usually, it seems that shit you don't want to do.

Hold on.

Yeah.

So

we're like, okay, so it's the night of the portrait.

It's like half hour to the portrait.

I'm still fucking bitching and moaning.

And she's like, all right, let's just not do it.

I'll just cancel.

I'm like, no, no.

I don't know why I have to give her a heart.

Why can't I just go along and do it?

Yeah, if you're going to go anyway.

I'm going to go anyway.

I know I'm going.

I know I'm not going to be like, fuck it.

Let's not.

So I back off that a little bit.

And I'm like, no, let's just go do it.

She's like, yeah, I think I told you it was going to take two hours.

So we get there.

Kramer Photography,

the lady's name was Kayla, the lady who helped us okay give a little shout out because they're very nice very nice do great work

but

we get there and we're sitting around like okay we're gonna take the pictures and I I figured something out while I was there I don't hate having my picture taken I hate looking at my picture after it's been taken all right subtle difference but I still am not crazy about it.

So they're like, okay, pose like this.

Put your hand like this.

Blah, blah, blah.

20 minutes.

And he's like, okay, we're done.

And I'm like, we're done?

Awesome.

I thought it was going to take fucking two hours.

But we're not done

because he has to go and he looks at each of the pictures and he then like fixes them up a little bit, you know, does some quick photo shopping.

This is the photographer.

Then he hands them off to this lady, Kayla, who brings us in a room.

And you're sitting on a couch, and then in front of you is a blank wall, and they project the pictures up there.

Oh,

Bigger than life

to see

what photo it is that you want painted.

So I got to sit there.

I'm looking at it.

I'm like, oh, my God.

I'm so fucking fat.

I can't take it.

I don't want to look at this shit.

Like, I literally, I'm like, I glance and then avert my eyes.

That's how much I can't stand looking at it.

That's not fun.

Not fun at all.

Can't you bail on this part?

No, because we have to figure out which one we both agree is the one that should be.

But if you're never going to look at it anyway, I'm not going to look at it.

You can bounce and get them fries at the Red Bank Diner.

Well, here's the thing.

Okay.

Okay.

I said, as I'm looking at these pictures, I'm like, these are just templates, right?

I mean, you don't need to necessarily have him paint my back fat hanging out of this one picture, right?

Like you can you can make this look a little bit better.

It's probably not the first time he's heard that request.

No, no, no, there's plenty of

Plenty of people that they said usually women, which isn't surprising.

Usually women want to be slimmed down or

filtered or whatever.

So we go through the whole thing.

We finally decide on a picture.

And she's like, okay, so this one in whatever measurement it was

is $6,100.

What?

What?

And that's when I was like, is this real life?

Like, this is like what?

$6,000.

$6,100 to get your portrait painted from this picture.

Now, if you recall from last time, Mary Beth told me she won

a free.

I thought you were paying for the frame.

And even then,

I'm bringing it to my guy.

Yeah.

George from Revere Framings down in Middletown.

Still working with Revere, huh?

Yep.

Still a Revere.

Oh, well, die Revere, man.

Okay.

So we don't even get to the frame yet.

I'm like, okay,

I just got to say here, I was under the impression that this was free for some reason and that she won this.

At least that's what I was told.

These are my exact words.

So $6,100.

I was like, we just bought a house.

That's not happening.

I'm sorry.

You know, like I thought, okay, but we have smaller,

smaller.

So here's the way it went.

She won a voucher, which was $2,500

towards a painting of a portrait.

So she didn't really win a portrait.

She won a discount.

She won a discount.

Unless you want to get the only way it's free

is if you get this portrait that's so little

that you're like,

like look at your picture of the DeLorean over here.

Yeah.

Probably smaller than that.

Okay.

Yeah.

All right.

So

immediately she's like, okay, well, the next one is down is this.

And then she shows up.

This one is.

$4,500.

Now I walk in there expecting to spend $0.

That was thing.

And then it gets to the point where we finally decide on one.

It's not the free one.

And she goes, the Kayla lady's like, okay, well, it's this amount.

I can't remember how much it was.

I think it was,

I think it was $4,500.

Jesus Christ.

Tell me about it.

Minus the $2,500, which is now $2,000.

Now, if you told me I would ever spend $2,000 of a painting

of myself, maybe a great painting, like one that could be in a museum.

I would be like, you would pie oy and shit like that.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, I asked her if she could do that.

I was like, could you just like take me out of the picture and put a horse in there instead?

Let her stand next to a horse.

Because we've seen the sopranos what you're talking about.

But anyway, so

it's now 4,500 bucks, minus 2,500, so it's a 2,000.

Holy shit, man.

Now, I'm still not paying $2,000 for a fucking painting.

I'm not that guy.

But she got Christmas money from her parents.

Oh.

So guess what she decides to spend it on?

That portion.

She really wants this painting for whatever reason.

I don't know.

She's like, I'm not an artsy guy.

I don't know if people can tell that from my drawing.

I'm going to say that.

I remember that house you used to have, the little one, with the stove.

I always remember being like, wow, this guy fucking knows how to decorate.

You had like nice odd-framed things on the wall.

And actually, these were here in my basement right now.

These shelves here are directly inspired by the ones you used to have in your living room.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I bought these because you had those.

And that was what, 15, 20 years ago?

Yeah.

So I don't know.

I don't know if I agree with you on that one.

All right.

Yeah.

But anyway, maybe I'm a little artsy.

I think you are a little designy, maybe not artsy.

Are design-y.

Yeah, like I think you're pretty good at it.

Oh, thanks.

I did.

If I did finally put together the TV room, I put the TVs up.

I got a

sister with those shitty trays.

Yeah, with the shitty trays I was telling you about earlier.

Does she listen anymore?

No, she'll never hear this.

All right.

I thought that would be a funny little.

I mean, that's not to say I can't pull a clip on cutting it.

And she might enjoy that little dig in her.

Because she took it out of the box.

I'll get to that in a second.

So,

so wait a second.

Okay, so the painting.

So, so she got the money for the painting from her parents.

Yeah.

So, I guess we're going to now have a painting hanging up.

I will take a picture of it.

I will show it to everybody.

I can't remember the size of it, but

it was a decent size.

It wasn't like overwhelming.

And the lady said, Kayla lady said that most guys are like, do you think that's big enough?

Like,

is that picture big enough?

And women normally,

for whatever reason, have the eye for like what size is good for where they plan on putting it, something like that.

Sounds sexist to me, but sure.

Yeah, I fucking stormed out.

I was like, this is no different than Twitter.

I'm being lumped in, goddammit.

I won't have it.

So we went, we did that.

Then we went over to Juanitos to have one of the worst Mexican.

No, Juanitos let you down?

Oh, big time.

Yeah.

Juanitos is a restaurant in Red Bank that if you are looking for a Mexican restaurant, I'm sorry, I cannot recommend it.

I know a lot of people go to Red Bank to go.

I've had some good meals in Juanito's.

Me too, man.

This was fucking, it's gone downhill as far as I'm concerned.

Okay.

Speaking of restaurants, man, the last two times we've had bad restaurant experiences, Mary Beth has written into them.

She's like, I'm going to Karen out a little bit.

And so, like, we went to

one time we went to

Julihan's.

Okay.

It was something as simple as like the guy charged us for

refills.

And I was like, what world are we living in where now fucking people are getting charged for a refill of fucking soda?

Like $4.

I was like, I'm not coming back here anymore.

And Mary Beth rode in and was just like, yeah,

I don't understand why you changed your policy.

Blah, blah, blah.

They're like, oh, we never changed a policy.

The guy was new and this is the way they did it in his other place.

Fucker.

Now, when you hear new,

how old is new?

But if you're a new waiter, if you're making fuck-ups like that past two weeks, you haven't been trained at all.

Try three months.

Three months he's been fucking overcharging people for drinks.

Nobody said anything.

Of course, Julian's not going to say anything because they're enjoying that fucking extra soda money.

And then we went to Outback and it was just like, you know when butter's been uncovered in a refrigerator and it picks up all the tastes of the other food?

That's the way it was.

And I was like, oh, this this is fucking disgusting, man.

And then, whatever I got, I can't remember what I got.

I think I got a salad or something.

And it was like, the salad was like Wilty, and Mary Beth wrote in $60 in gift cards.

I don't think I have found

my new thing.

I don't think that's very Karen-y, because she's not in people's faces.

She's writing

a reasonable letter about her experience at their restaurant.

She's not being like, I'm sure I know her.

They're not like.

Don't lump her in with the Karens.

Yeah.

Like,

she's she's not going after them in a vicious type of way right no no I think she just reports like hey here's what happened great uh with outback she's like you know usually we like

the uh yeah we like the restaurant but this time it was just particularly bad okay service was awful it took like an hour by the end

yeah like lunch I don't want I don't want to eat lunch for an hour dude I just spent a week in a fucking retirement community in Florida.

Oh, I sound like I love it, man.

I I love eating dinner at like 4:30.

No, I don't mind that.

The lifestyle I can get with the village is Florida, where my parents are.

It is.

If you don't know what the villages are, it's the biggest retirement community in like the fucking world.

It is massive, right?

It's massive.

It's this community that's built around these town squares, and each town square has its own theme.

One's a Wild West, one's a Spanish Springs one, and then the community spreads out for miles around these squares.

And at night, every night,

they have music and dancing in the square.

They have all the restaurants in the square, and all the old people get in their golf carts, and they drive down there, and they all drink and dance.

And honestly, it's a fucking hoop.

I love it.

It sounds pretty fun.

It's awesome.

And it's over, but every night, everybody's done by like 9:30.

Like I said, it starts at 5, but it's fun.

And they play, you'll go down there, you'll be driving the golf cart, and you'll be headed towards Brownwood Square, which is where I spent my time.

And it's the Wild West themes.

You know how much I love Cowboys and stuff like that.

And like you're driving, and softly you hear the faint stirrings of great balls of fire, you know, or whatever golden old it is that they play for six hours straight.

And they have a live band.

It's not even like, it's not even like they're hitting play.

It's like some dude in a Hawaiian shirt going, come on, everybody, get up.

You remember this one.

You know, it's all shit like that.

And I fucking love it.

It's a little

saccharine.

It's a little,

there's no chaos.

Like, everything is.

This is for old people who are like, I don't want any surprises.

Nobody's allowed to live in the community under 55.

Like, if there are grandkids there, they're only allowed there for five days and they have to have a pass.

It's like, you know, it's pretty sweet.

We're not going to turn it into a free-for-all for everybody.

They're not going to, but

the service is.

And I know I'm a New Yorker and I willingly trade

a certain amount of politeness for speed.

Like, if I go into a restaurant in Manhattan and, you know, the waiter's just pleasant enough, but he gets the fucking food there fast and the order's right, I'm fucking down to clown, man.

You don't have to suck my dick.

Just get me my goddamn burger right here.

Yeah, like, it's fine.

So down there, it's like, not only are they not sucking your dick, but

the service is the fucking worst.

At one point, me and my brother, we're like, we got to get out of this fucking house.

Let's go down to the town square.

We'll have some drinks at World of Beers, which is great.

Actually, I don't want to to disparage World of Beers.

World of Beer service was actually the best out of all of it.

An unnamed place we went to down there.

And like, we're sitting there for 20 minutes.

Not even a menu dropped on the table.

And it's like,

I have learned

I cannot, you know, I can't carry out.

Right.

I can't carry it out.

There's nothing I can do.

I just have to take whatever fucking comes and I have to eat the shit with a smile.

I can never complain.

This is my lot in life.

My brother Jimmy is not.

Right.

He can carry on.

Oh, he can carry on.

So, like, 20 minutes, and he's starting to get heated.

So, I'm like, let's just go.

Let's just go somewhere else.

Go to another place.

It's fucking another 10 minutes before they even come to the table.

And everywhere we go, we'll go to Home Depot to pick up some stuff for my mother or Lodes, whatever the fuck.

Can't find anybody.

And then, like, when you find them, and I love Florida.

I don't rip on Florida.

Key West is my favorite place on the planet.

I fucking love the state.

But, like, God damn, man, can a dentist move into town?

It's like, nobody's got teeth in this neck of the woods that I'm in.

And like, nobody's around.

And then when they talk to you, it's like they look at you like you're a fucking moron.

And I'm just like, where's the fuck?

I need this valve for a toilet.

And they just look at you like, you don't know where the fucking valve for the toilets?

It's like, it's like.

No, I do.

I just thought it would be more fun to have you along.

Yeah, I thought I'd wander around.

Yeah, I know it's in the plumbing aisle.

I got it.

Like, we're here.

I just can't find the fucking thing.

And it's like that everywhere, except for

and now i'm ranting a little bit i love it shooter's world do you know shooter's world i don't okay so shooter's world is uh it's it's a shooting range which i haven't been to since that one we went to in la like 15 20 years ago that was a while back because that was probably about 20 years ago it was me you sal and stacy went right yeah and uh After that experience, I was like, I'm never going into one of these again.

Because remember, it was like in the bad part of town?

Real bad.

Oh, my God.

It was right next to Skid Row.

It was in Skid Row.

It was essentially in Skid Row.

And like the people who were firing there looked like they were like about to rob banks or fucking hold.

Like it was like, it was really scary to be in there.

I don't know if you remember.

And I was like, I'm not going in here.

I'm not doing it again because these people don't look like they know like they care about responsibility.

So, but you know, Florida, old people, my brother wanted to go.

My uncle was there.

He has a gun.

He wanted to go.

So we go.

Totally different experience.

Dude, it's like the fucking apple store of gun store i'm not even a gun guy you know i don't know you know and you walk in the sheer amount of guns was i never seen anything like it it's it's take a best buy

same amount of products roughly the same size 100 guns and ammo oh wow it was fucking crazy um

but i felt safe and and i'll tell you that at shooter's world they fucking know how to treat you they got a shooter's world card oh yeah they came in they got it you know they take care of you Efficient, fast, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

So Shooter's World was the only place in Florida that I felt I got any good service.

But then my uncle's like, you could rent like an, like, you could rent anything for 15 bucks and shoot it.

Right.

Like those fucking Punisher guns with the two fucking legs on the side we're shooting.

Machine guns.

My uncle's like, nah, they charge you to rent those.

And I'm like, yeah, I know.

And he's got 22.

He's like, we'll just say, we'll just shoot this.

We'll just say, you know, you're not going to pay them 15 bucks.

The guy's 81.

Right.

So, what am I?

So, here I am.

Eating that fucking eagle's brain again.

You got it, Uncle.

You got it.

Let's shoot the 22.

There's this fucking 18-year-old girl who's fucking hot, too.

She was two lanes down, and she's fucking firing like a bazooka.

Yeah, so I'm looking at her like,

there's my gun going,

but it won't even penetrate the paper.

It saved 15 bucks, though.

Ah, shoot as well.

Anyway, sorry.

it's fucking madness man slow service yeah i'm i'm incredibly

sage tells me and marybeth tells me that like i'm the most impatient person ever like because if i sit down at a restaurant like we go to chilies for lunch which i like

the more i go to chilies the more i'm like why do we keep going to chilies yeah i don't know why you're still all in on chilies yeah once they started charging for chips i was out well here's the thing i get the bottomless soup and salad and the chips comes with it so you shouldn't have to game the system

you shouldn't have to for free chips They gave us free chips for fucking years.

Yeah.

Now they'll do it if you sign up with your email address.

No.

Like that little thing, that little kiosk thing.

Also, get the kiosk off the fucking table.

It takes up too much room.

And everybody touches it and leaves it there.

It has fingerprints on it.

Don't tell me you wipe it down.

I've seen who fucking works here.

He's worked up.

I can't do it.

A week in Florida.

My parents' house, it's not small.

It's not like, but it's like a ranch.

And it's fucking like 13 people in this two-bedroom house.

And it's like, and I'm like, fucking, I'm on a fold-out couch for six days.

And like, my, and I love everybody in the house, but you're like, I'm not used to, you know, me, I live alone.

Like, I'm not used to like

hordes of people around me and stuff like that.

And it's like.

Yeah, like not a room to sit.

Yeah, I don't want to complain because I did love being around them.

But look, any situation, if you don't have a, you know.

Dude, you could be around six,

you could be around 13 supermodels for a week and you would still find something to be like, fuck this shit.

Yeah, I got to go.

So I mentioned that to Mary Beth.

She was like, yeah, what's Q doing for Christmas?

And I was like, oh, I went down to visit his parents and I explained his situation.

She goes, why would he do that?

I said, I don't know.

I feel like he's wondering the same right now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Next time I'll just rent the place.

But yeah, so

I don't know how we got on this.

Sorry.

Yeah, no, it's okay.

All right.

But we're talking about food.

So, yeah, what do we got?

You know what we got.

We got Green Chef.

We got to talk about Green Chef a little bit here.

Green Chef is a CCOF.

I don't know what that means, but they're certified, so that's a good thing.

Okay.

Meal company.

Green Chef makes eating well easy with plans to fit every lifestyle, whether you're keto, paleo, vegan, vegetarian, gluten-free, or just looking to eat a more balanced meal.

Green Chef offers a range of recipes to suit your preferences.

You get 24 recipes weekly with the option to mix and match from different preferences.

Enjoy vegan one day, keto the next.

Time-saving recipes packed with fresh produce and vibrant flavors to help you make the most out of those long summer days.

I don't know why they're talking about summer right now.

Oh, because the copy's from July 7th.

That makes sense.

Green Chef

saves you time by cutting down a weekly meal planning, prepping, and grocery shopping.

Exciting and delicious meals support a healthy lifestyle.

Green Chef helps keep meal time interesting without sacrificing taste.

And well, with seasonal produce, premium proteins, and organic ingredients, you can trust.

Green Chef is the number one meal.

Green Chef is the number one meal kit for eating well.

My favorite Green Chef recipe.

I already have this written down.

Pesto Parmesan chicken.

Fucking delish.

Who do I cook with?

I don't cook with anybody.

Well, I'm a goddamn man, Green Chef.

Yeah, who are you trying to lump us in with?

Yeah, Rosie does the cooking and the Green Chef saves her a lot of time.

Aw,

all right.

Uh, how do Green Chef offerings fit my diet or lifestyle?

Portion control of breeze.

The recipes are flavorful and easy to follow, says Mary Beth.

Well, I better start thinning down, Green Chef, because we're using you, and if I stay fat, I'm holding you personally responsible.

So, if you want some Green Chef stuff, and you should, go to greenchef.com/slash TESD135 and use code tesd135 to get 135 dollars off across five boxes and your first box ships for free so go to greenshef.com slash tesd135 and use code tesd135 to get 135 dollars off across five boxes and your first box ships free i really do enjoy green chef and their their their food that's that's true uh because it's um

it comes with directional sometimes mary beth makes stuff that i'm like, sometimes she makes shit that I'm like, that's not human to eat.

That's not fit for human consumption.

What?

She's bad?

No, she just makes like she made this stuff the other day.

I almost threw up.

It's like.

Well, that's not green chef.

What is that shit?

Oh!

But it's like, and I'm sure a lot of people are going to be like, there's nothing wrong with that.

But it was like noodles.

Yeah, so far, so good.

And then tuna in the noodles, like a tuna, like a casserole.

A tuna casserole.

I've heard of it.

With all this stuff in it.

Yeah, like I remember my mother used to make tuna melts when I was young, and it was like a piece of toast with like warm tuna fish on it.

Okay.

Oh, it was fucking disgusting.

You don't like tuna melts.

I don't like tuna melts.

I do like a good tuna melt.

No, I don't really like fish at all.

So that could be a two.

But oh my God, it smelled vile.

And like whenever she makes something I don't like, I can't help but be like, oh, what is that?

Yeah.

And then she's like, you know, I don't like it when you're constantly commenting on what I'm about to eat.

She's like, I don't do that to you.

And I'm like, because I eat good stuff.

Green chef, bitch.

Yeah.

Give me some green chef.

I won't be fucking regurgitating my fucking breakfast.

I fucking, I had a girl

in my early 30s who made me a meal and I did something similar.

Like, oh.

And she was like, I'm never cooking for you again.

She never did.

No?

No.

She taught me a lesson.

You got a lesson.

Suck it up.

Suck it up.

It's my whole life.

That's the greatest thing about being an adult, though, because I remember as a kid having this slop thrown in a trough in front of me and Pam being like, eat it.

It's tuna mouth.

Don't just stare at it.

Yeah.

Eat it.

And I'm like, as an adult, I'm like, wait, I don't have to eat this shit anymore.

I don't have to eat gross stuff.

Yeah.

And like, honestly, like, you know, I'm a big fan of Mary Beth.

I usually take her, I try to take her perspective and things.

Well, I just try to get you to look at it from her point of view sometimes a little bit.

But honestly,

you know, Mary Beth, if you're listening to this, you can pull this clip.

This is coming from a fan.

You know, maybe you shouldn't make things that the guy doesn't want to eat.

I don't know.

She doesn't expect me to eat it.

She knows there's no fucking way I'm eating that.

Oh, I see.

I thought she was like serving it to you both.

No,

I come down on her.

Because a lot of times we'll eat lunch or we'll watch a TV show while we're eating lunch.

So I have my sandwich, nice turkey.

You make it yourself?

No, of course not.

I'm a goddamn man.

So wait, so now, wait, hold on.

This is why I take her side because now not only is she making you something that you want to eat, your objections are making something different that she wants to eat.

What is wrong with an all-American

turkey and cheese sandwich on rye?

It doesn't smell.

It's not stinking up the whole place.

What's with all this fancy fucking exotic shit?

Like fucking tuna casserole.

Oh, it reeks.

I call it tuna slop.

Tuna what?

Tuna slop.

Oh, boy.

I don't know, man.

Yeah, this smell thing I could see because I don't, you know, peanut butter gives me a headache.

So

anybody I've ever dated,

I've had to have the talk with them.

I've been like, you cannot eat peanuts or peanut butter around me.

Right.

You know, and I've gotten like, and I've had to be like, that annoys, that's, that annoys people.

Girls that I've dated.

Right.

They're like, but I love peanut butter.

And I'm like, well, I'm not saying you can't eat peanut butter.

I'm just saying you can't have it around.

I get a headache.

Like, what the fuck do you want me to do?

Right.

But what am I supposed to do?

That's that's every kid in school now.

Like when I went to school, like when I was in grade school, if someone were to come up to you and be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you can't bring peanut butter and jelly to school.

Yeah.

Then you're like 90% of the kids aren't eating that day.

Sure.

Because it was a poor town.

That's how everybody grew up, eating peanut butter and jelly.

My childhood was surrounded by peanut butter and jelly.

I had a constant headache.

Always in a headache, huh?

Always in a headache.

And all I'm saying is now that I'm a fucking adult male in my own house, I don't want peanut butter, man.

Right.

But, you know,

that request annoys people.

Huh.

Yeah.

So I don't know what side, where what's it going to be?

I learned that early on about you and peanut butter.

I've always steered clear of like a appreciate that of eating anything peanut butter laced like a Reese's or something.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I know you don't like it.

Most people.

Like even Murray, who eats with no,

he'll just eat whatever around it.

He doesn't eat peanut butter around me.

It's pretty good.

Yeah, I think most people care about my headache.

Good for them.

I hope so.

I spend every day with these people.

You'd think they would care.

But the tuna slop, I don't know, man.

It reeks, dude.

Yeah.

Maybe she shouldn't make it when you're home.

It's tough to smell.

Yeah.

Maybe you guys need more time apart.

A little bit of space.

It's a big enough house that

we could eat in different rooms today.

I think so, man.

I mean, you guys are still newlyweds and stuff like that.

I get that.

But you have that basement with the bar in it.

That should really be like a fucking, that should be your Deadwood, the gem saloon down there.

That's what you need.

And then like no girls allowed.

Oh yeah, heat man, girl, heater.

Yeah, that's what you need.

No ma'am.

Yeah, like maybe you just need a little time.

Like you got to spend a lot of time together, right?

Like that's it.

Yeah.

It's weird.

Like we spend a lot of time in the house together, but like do different shit.

It doesn't feel like she's always doing something.

Yeah.

And unless we're watching TV together, we're really not like interacting.

Yeah, you don't make it seem like she's on top of you or anything like that.

Yeah, but I'm just saying, when it comes to like food, like maybe it's okay to just be like, go eat your tune upstairs, man.

Yeah, or just strike it from your diet.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I fucking.

You don't do cons anymore, right?

No.

I might get back into it.

Yeah, like, why did you stop that?

People stopped asking.

Ming goes fucking everywhere.

Ming goes because of me, like, they can't keep him out.

I see.

You know, like, he'll.

I think this is my feeling on what Ming does.

I don't think Ming's necessarily invited to cons the way he used to be when we were at a con.

Okay, he doesn't work with a manager or something.

I don't think he works with a manager.

I think he does it himself.

I think he's made enough connections over the years since he's such a great networker that he's very and he does stuff for people, like you know, the con promoters, he'll help him out with stuff.

You know, he's a valuable asset to a con, I think.

I agree.

Not necessarily as a celebrity draw anymore.

Okay.

Wherever.

He seems to have people that enjoy seeing him out.

Oh, yeah, definitely.

But I spoke to him recently and I said, you know, if there's some, some, I think what happens is I think he pays for his room and his flight and then whatever he makes at the table.

I think they give him free table space.

Okay.

I think that I think that's the way it works.

That's not a bad deal.

That's me purely speculating.

We could double check with him just to make sure.

But I asked him recently when he was going to Dubai, I was like, look, I don't necessarily want to go to Dubai, but like maybe some local cons, like just, and I remember not liking them, like not liking to do cons.

Okay.

But I think I got to get out there and travel a little bit more.

I think so.

It should be good for you.

Yeah.

I've been like, I mean, I was in Florida a fucking month ago, and I'm ready.

Like, oh my God, I got to get out of here.

Winters are historically tough on you, man.

You don't handle winters well.

And like we were talking a bit before, I always, sometimes we talk, I forget this mic in front of us, and that we're people listening, but like what we were talking before about is how like your home,

since you just moved in, isn't fun yet.

It's just fucking, I remember when I moved in here, it it took years before I enjoyed this place.

And you're in the middle of it, man.

So home isn't fun for you.

And the winter's here, the medication thing's going on with you.

It's like, you know,

you got a lot going on.

A lot of strikes.

I think you got a lot of strikes.

I think you got to start building some.

I think traveling like that would be good for you.

Yeah.

Just a weekend away.

You know, like once a month.

Ming put up this thing.

It was

on Instagram.

I'm pretty sure it was.

You know, let me look because I really want, I really want to be sure on this one, because I was fucking blown away

by how many fucking flights this guy took inside of one year.

Oh, really?

Yeah, it was.

Can I guess?

Yeah, go ahead and guess.

Okay, flight to and from, so that's two flights automatically.

So if he does

52 weekends a year, let's say he does half of those cons.

So that gets us around to 30, some flights in between, 35.

Is that 60?

you're close yeah 75 flights okay 85 000 miles he flew wow over the course of a year all right the average so that's nine days and 11 hours 35 airports five airlines yeah

i dude when we were doing 130 shows a year i mean

Yeah, you guys are flying all over the place.

I lived on planes.

So I get it.

But yeah, I think, I think it consumes me.

Look, you make a little money, you get out there, you meet other people, you fucking rub some elbows.

Get sick, like you usually do.

Party a little bit, you know?

Yeah, I could like, I could, yeah, I never party, though, either.

I always went right back to my room.

Maybe go to a fucking

hotel bar.

Or go to a bar with Ming.

Go to a bar with Ming.

Yeah.

Be all right.

You don't have to worry about the kid.

There's no doubt there'll be some lovely ladies around that I can look at.

Yeah, look at, talk to.

Yeah.

From the corner?

The way I was in the corner.

I'm not talking to any of them.

Yeah, why not, man?

Like, there's the creepy guy.

I mean, look, in our con days, we always had fun.

We just had so much fun when we were running around the cons back in the day.

Yeah, it was like, strangely, it was more fun doing cons when we were like working

for Kevin and doing that stuff than it was once people were coming up and take, because I hate that, man.

Well, I was talking to Walt about it recently where, like, for some reason, people still to this day think that, like, you're sitting there for your health and not for money.

And so they'll come up and like, oh, oh, it's not free.

And Walt's like, like, you know, he's just like, it's painful.

And I agree with that.

It's like, you get used to it after a while.

If you do enough cons, you get used to it.

Cause it's like

BQ has $100 in his wallet.

He's like, I can get three pictures while I'm here of people.

A lot of times the comic men didn't make the cut.

You know, because I mean, you're talking, you got me, you got every fucking walking dead motherfucker there.

Luke Rigno's there.

You got all kinds of people there that you're like, well, if I'm going to spend money and my money's limited, do I really need a picture with fucking

beard guy?

Sure.

Well, they could say that about anything, but sure.

Right.

Yeah.

I just feel like we didn't fall high on the pecking list of people.

Like, we had lines.

Like, I mean, I won't lie.

There were times when I'm like, I can't believe how many people are in this line to get a picture with us.

Times change, man.

Like, I also don't want to sit at a table for fucking.

Ming said that in Dubai, your ex the expectation was for you to sit there for 10 hours at your table every day.

Who's enforcing that?

I don't know.

Well, I don't know.

I don't want to disobey him over in the Middle East.

I don't want to leave the country.

Next thing you know, I'm fucking hanging from a crane in a soccer stadium.

He only sat there for seven hours.

Is fucking Ming watching you eating popcorn?

Yeah.

I stayed 10 hours.

Yeah, I stayed my 10 hours, so I'm going on to the next con.

One of the funniest things ever is still you having a heart attack in the mall.

If you remember this conversation, it's got to be 20 years old, this boy,

some teenage girl watching you die.

Yeah, and they were like, they were crowded around me and just watching.

It was at a time when the cell phones were popular enough that they were like video.

They're like, look at him.

He's twitching.

Like, somebody help me.

I was in the food court, yeah, if I remember correctly.

He's dying.

Nobody would help me.

Nobody helped me.

They all stood around and watched while you had a heart attack.

The girls, the teenage girls, were disgusted.

Yeah.

Like, yeah, look, there's foam coming out of his mouth.

Oh, my God.

That was always one of the funniest conversations we've ever had.

It's never left me.

Even in death.

The pure inhumanity of everyone around me.

Why don't I matter?

It just all goes dark.

The last thing you see is a flash coming up.

Smile, stupid.

I remember us saying that would be the death of me.

Oh, God, it was so fucking funny.

I don't know if I've ever laughed that hard in my life since.

Oh, God.

Let's calm down this

good time just a second.

I got another ad?

Yeah, one more.

People are, and I'm sure some people are listening.

Oh.

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I don't like copy.

Fuck it.

I like it when we just say that we're talking about it.

What are we you talking about?

We're talking about Raycon.

Oh, you know, I got an actual Raycon story.

Oh, yeah.

I do.

I would love to hear it.

I was in Florida recently with my entire family, and my nephew Ryan lost his AirPods.

You know, it's 200 bucks to a 14-year-old kid.

He's never going to see that again.

I had my AirPods with me.

And I go, just take mine.

And he was like blown away.

He's like, really?

And I was like, yeah, I go, I got Raycons at home.

I go, no problem.

Came home, deleted the Bluetooth, just started using the Raycons again.

I fucking missed them.

Dude, they're fucking great.

I love them.

Yeah.

I really do like them.

I love putting them in at night.

I fall asleep listening to

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Lord, you got to go.

You're a busy man today.

Yeah, busy man today, but I got a couple more minutes to go.

You got another minute?

I mean, we could either do it off the air or on the air.

It's up to you.

Well, I'd like to ask you this question because I thought of a new YouTube channel.

I don't want to go out now.

I just want to stay and fucking hang out with you.

I'm having such a blessing.

Yeah, it's fun.

What are you doing tomorrow?

Come back tomorrow.

All right.

No, I'm not kidding.

Come back tomorrow.

Come back tomorrow.

So recently

there was a storm and the lights went off in the house.

Okay.

We don't have a fancy

whole house generator like some people do.

I work hard, man.

I know you do.

And I don't do shit.

I work too hard to get out of here.

You don't deserve electricity.

Yeah.

But

we don't have one.

So the lights go out.

Yeah.

And I hear Sage from her room be like, dada, dada.

Because, you know, it's complete pitch black.

So I take my

phone light, you know, my flashlight on my phone, and I just like open the door real abruptly.

And I go, what's going on?

Why did you record this?

I really should have because I didn't think I would get the reaction I did,

which was...

stark terror.

16-year-old girl.

She screamed so loud loud and then started crying.

And I felt a little bad, but it was pretty funny to watch how scared she got.

What?

Did she not think it was you?

She didn't know who it was.

Because I didn't answer.

What she was like, dad, dad, I didn't answer.

I just like

opened the door and then all of a sudden there's a light in her eyes.

And she's sitting on her bed.

You might want to snip this part.

I don't know that you want this out in the world.

Well, this is the idea for the YouTube.

Well, I was prank superstar.

It's in my blood.

Right, right.

There's nothing you can do.

But I was thinking, I'm like, if I start a YouTube channel where I'm constantly scaring the shit out of her, like, sure, scaring a special needs child over and over again.

Which is, no, I'm not saying I'm going to do it, but I am saying, which is more acceptable to the population at large?

If I do that,

or if I do it to Pam?

Probably it's more acceptable to Pam.

To Pam?

I think so.

Yeah.

There's nothing.

77-year-old woman.

Yeah, I know.

But like, you remember Ben Margarita did that to his parents a lot and stuff?

Oh, yeah, he would like, set off fireworks in the room.

And he put an alligator in their room once.

Yeah.

There's something about a special needs child that I think really makes people think you shouldn't be doing it.

You shouldn't be doing it.

Yeah, yeah, baby.

What's her reaction once she sees it's you?

Is then she like, fuck you, dada.

She doesn't say fuck you, no.

She doesn't say that, but she's like, dada.

Like, she's like, I'm scared.

And I'm like, it's all right.

The lights just went out.

It's a storm, you know?

I was like, we got lights.

Don't worry about it.

And then she's fine.

Yeah.

But it was that initial.

And then another time, like, she was coming up from the basement.

Yeah.

And she's like at the bottom of the stairs.

Like the bottom of the stairs,

the lighting in this house is weird.

Lights, light switches are everywhere.

Bottom of the stairs turns off the turns off the whole downstairs.

And then up top, there's another light for like the little stairway there.

So she turns off all the lights.

And as she's halfway up the stairs, I switch off the light and shut the door.

And she starts screaming

but in that case she knows you're with her she knows i'm around she opens up she finally gets to the top she opens the door she's like dad i know i'm scared of the dark and i'm like i know that's why i did it

like don't do that anymore I haven't done it.

I haven't scared her since then, but like, she is, she does get, it is, it's fun.

I hate to say, but it's funny to watch, just sort of watch her get so scared, but because she comes down so fast.

Well, yeah, she loves horror movies and all that stuff.

She loves all that shit.

She thinks it's funny to scare me.

Yeah.

You know?

Let's consider that even then.

Yeah.

It's good for the goose, little kid.

You're learning a harsh lesson.

You're learning it now.

Yeah.

Well, then she's always trying to teach me.

She'll do something.

She'll be like, that's your lesson.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Over shit that I'm like, what are you talking about?

Like, why do I need a lesson?

What's the last lesson you learned?

Last lesson I learned

was that I should, oh, because I couldn't get the garage door closed because there's like a short circuit in the thing.

So I had to like walk all the way around the house, go back inside the house, and then close it from the inside.

It was nothing.

But something like that, she goes, that's you lesson data.

I'm like, why?

Because the garage door broke.

What's to learn from this?

Yeah, I didn't learn anything except I guess I got to put a new battery in there.

But like, it's that kind of stuff.

Like, it doesn't really make sense.

Yeah.

But she likes to.

She likes to lessen.

She likes to likes to teach lessons.

She likes to have one over on me.

Does she teach lessons to Mary Beth sometimes, too?

She learns lessons.

She learns lessons.

Everybody learns lessons except for Sage.

Well, she's learning some now.

Yeah.

When the lights go off,

expect some schools.

Expect a fright.

Good, man.

This was fun.

Yeah, this was fun.

And this is one of those space monkeys where we didn't offer anybody any advice.

Well, we talked to each other.

We offered each other some advice, I think.

I think that, yeah, I think that the

issues that I'm having personally right now resonate with other people, too.

The winter and the drugs.

Well, not the drugs, but the medication.

Yeah.

Drugs makes it seem fun.

Yeah, when you came here, you had a haunted look about your eyes.

I noticed immediately.

You said something the second.

second you saw me.

Yeah.

I'm like, what's going on?

Yeah, but you don't have it now.

You look bright-eyed and cheery.

I feel better.

You know why?

Because the last time we got together was

before,

like

a week before Christmas or a couple days before Christmas.

Yeah.

Because we dropped it on Christmas.

So

I think we did it on that Thursday.

So it's been over two weeks

that I'd seen you or Walt.

Right, right, right.

So you just kind of insulate.

I start going, yeah, like I need you guys.

Yeah, no, I feel the same way, dude.

I'm having a blast.

I wish I didn't have to go out tonight.

Yeah, like I feel so much better just from this past two hours.

Like, I know if I stayed at home, I know what I would have been doing.

I would have been moping around.

Yeah.

I would have been fucking not doing anything.

I would have been.

Dude, I am not kidding.

I come back tomorrow.

We have a writer's meeting on Sunday.

I know, Sunday, right?

Right.

I got a writer's meeting for like three hours in the morning, but then after that, I got nothing going on.

So I fucking come back, man.

We could record another one of these.

Fuck yeah.

This is shit.

They got two episodes in a week to complain about.

Yeah.

Where's Walt?

Where's the fucking wall?

Why is it walk there?

Peace, assholes.