#540: Hot Grandma

Tell and Steve Dave sat recording in the comic store, but Brian Q felt that they needed more.

Film watching women adventure and who's Bri just wanted to debate how potent publics and not have to lose.

So they traveled, Q traveling and hitting pavements.

Bry providing abundances of vague navigations.

But whether they win or lose, triumph or fail.

Listen to this podcast and they will regale you with their tales.

Space Monkeys!

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Space Monkeys.

Oh, shit.

No Walt Flanagan this week.

No Walter.

Flanaganless.

Does that equal rudderless?

We'll see.

There are some people who

would suggest that there is no rudder without Walter.

Yeah, but we'll find out.

I've heard complaints.

Have you?

I've heard tales from Reddit.

Yeah, I don't go to Reddit, but people for some reason want to tell me what's on Reddit.

Really?

Who does that?

Who's the person that reports on Reddit?

What Chuck told me one time?

Chuck?

Yeah.

Chuck Stanton, Staten.

Yeah, I know.

I have a complicated relationship with Chuck.

Yeah, I remember there was one point where you were going to take him under your wing and teach him everything you knew.

And then.

Was that it?

We were just going to hang out once.

I have nothing to teach Chuck.

Chuck's probably like more.

knowledgeable about shit than I am.

He's got his finger more on the pulse.

He's young and eager.

He's hungry.

He's hungry.

You know,

I suggest everybody out there follow his Instagram.

It looks like he's always having fun.

Oh, forget Chuck for a second.

I got an Instagram for you and for everyone else.

Oh, yeah?

T-E-S-D Comics.

T-E-S-D Comics.

All right, let me look at this right now.

That's on Instagram.

That's a guy.

I think his

Instagram handle is also on this.

Okay.

This one, Kenny Rubinus.

Oh, wow.

What is he does?

Little

comics.

There's only one so far?

He does.

No, there's a whole bunch.

Really?

Yeah.

I only see the one.

There should be.

Mary Beth showed me a whole bunch today.

All right.

I wasn't aware of it until today.

Oh, I see.

Now it's my new favorite Instagram account.

Oh, this is fun.

I'm going to follow this.

Yeah.

Give it a follow.

Why not?

All right, I'm in.

He takes, in case you're wondering what we're talking about,

he takes little moments from Tell'em, Steve, Dave

episodes and draws them into comic strip form.

I think he might take some license with it, too.

I'm not sure because I can't remember saying any of these things.

It's funny.

I'm looking at it now.

Yeah.

All right.

So fuck Chuck, I guess.

Yeah, Chuck.

Sorry.

You're on the back burner now, baby.

Yeah.

We're all about TESD comics.

Yeah, sorry, Chuck.

It looks like you don't need us, though, Chuck.

That's what I'm saying.

He's out there forging

his own path.

He'll be a better man for it.

Yeah, for sure, man.

Because you were talking about moving him in.

Yeah.

Complete immersive BQ experience.

Yeah.

I do think about Chuck.

Shadows you 24-7.

None of that's true, but I will say I think about Chuck.

I think he would be surprised by how much I think about him.

Yeah.

Not like, I wonder what he's up to today, but I try, I like, because I always have these ideas for like projects and shit, but I'm never able to get any of them done because I'm so busy.

And I'm like, what if I had a Chuck

that was like, he was like, he, he was on set he was on staff he's on salary he's like on standby yeah and his job is to execute the I these ideas you know

that sounds like like something you would see in a movie like a king having somebody follow him around and he'd be like here's my next decree

make it so Chuck not like that

not not like that

like creative like a creative partner okay more than a decree taker right okay so he uh he fleshes out your initial vision yeah or like we we talk like i have someone to talk to about it and be like this is how we could do this and then he just goes and gets it done right i think about that part that's the tough part yeah but i mean that's what i'm saying nobody nobody would ask him to do it for free it would be he'd get paid so it's like a job a fun job creative job um

but then the if i think about it past that i'm like you know he's in and around sitting around waiting for me to fucking and he'll just do, end up wasting his fucking school and his jets.

Oh, like waiting for you to come up with your next idea.

Yeah, because he'll want to pitch something, and I'll be like, look, man, I got to come up with my own.

I can't even, I don't even have time to think about my own, let alone

yours.

So it's like right away, we're in this adversarial relationship.

You're discouraging.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like, I don't want to do that to the guy because he's so clearly like, you know, killing me.

Motivated.

Yeah, yeah.

So, you know, I don't know.

But I do think about Chuck and his skills and talents.

Yeah.

Yeah, so someday

it's tucked there in the back of your mind.

Someday, who knows, Chuck, you might get that call.

I think what's probably going to happen is Chuck is going to get bigger, too big for me.

You think so?

Because I know he rubs elbows with some elite New York comics.

Does he really?

Mark Norman.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, that's true.

Joe, Joe List is that Joe List?

All right.

Well, I love Mark Norman.

That's great.

Yeah, I just think Chuck's too talented and too driven to like

to.

I think one day, I think one day soon he'll be in the midst of something bigger than he thinks, yeah, yeah,

and then he'll be like, he won't even take my calls, massive dark web child pornography, no,

I didn't think I'd end up here, but definitely that I'm not associated with the guy.

I want to make that very clear.

No, no, I do think he's extremely driven and talented.

What do you watch on those videos of yours, Chuck?

What is it exactly?

Yeah, yeah

so I don't know so yeah I think about Chuck Chuck a bunch you're right yeah yeah how did we get on Chuck I forget we're gonna probably do a lot of forgetting this episode why you smoked already I didn't smoke anything okay I ate something though okay got

clearly I've eaten lots of things

this particular thing uh yeah I'm straight I'm not I haven't uh

I haven't taken you.

So Walt's with us in spirit then.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm drinking this water.

Yeah, you are.

Got some Fiji water.

Fancy shit, man.

Well, I stole this because what happens is we do these warm-up shows for the tour,

and you have to pay for the green room stuff.

So they'll charge you like $16 for like a pack of Fiji water.

And then you only drink one or two, and you end up leaving like a bunch behind.

And then Vinnie Brandon is fucking laughing all the way to the bank.

Yeah, fuck that.

So I grab him.

All right.

I just grab it.

It wasn't Vinny Brand.

It actually wasn't the Stress Factory.

like but yeah i take them i'm like man if like

they're mine they're mine i bought them they're gonna turn around and sell them at the if i don't take what i already paid for they're gonna double dip and sell it to somebody else right now they're making money off my back

can't have earning off you yeah meanwhile i'm thirsty so here i am with a delicious fiji water straight as an arrow and it does have a nice taste you know that they say that's got that like uh silky feel to it it does yeah i agree i like fiji yeah i mean I wouldn't pay more for it, nah, like if there's a 99 cents one and there's a two-dollar Fiji, go for the 99 cent one, same thing, just drink the stilled water,

man.

Just go to the tap and do it.

We're talking about water again.

Remember last episode, we were talking about tap water and shit.

It was the best tap water.

I went to um

I went to Orlando over my birthday.

Thank you, everyone, for uh birthday wishes, yeah,

and uh, did nearly nothing

didn't go to any of the big big parks because we didn't want to.

Oh, it felt great.

Like knowing that you didn't have to get up and battle with crowds and all that shit.

And the kid was, you know, you pay all that money and then the kid like conks out halfway through the day.

And when she's done, she's done.

There's no like, like, I'm not going to be able to like,

to go at her until she

like snaps back.

There's no like amount of like I would have been beaten as a child like we're in this fucking park.

I paid for this park

No, fucking enjoy the park.

Like, there's no amount of that with her.

She's just, she's out.

She's out.

Yeah.

So, we did Gatorland one day.

I love Gatorland.

Do you?

I do.

Yeah.

It's fun for, like, I don't know.

I felt like

it is a real ghetto-ass

SeaWorld kind of.

Do they still have the cement tooth mouth?

The giant out front?

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

That's that.

I remember that from a kid.

Yeah, I mean, it's, it's like you go in and like, yeah, you definitely see like

gators.

Right.

And then see a lot of gators.

You do that loop around the swamp.

You do the loop.

We did the train.

Like they try.

And they got they nickel and dying for everything, man.

The kid enjoyed it, so I guess I can't complain too much.

Yeah.

Like she got to hold a snake and like a big old boa or something, you know.

It's fucking gator.

Gator raccoon.

Gatorland or Gator World?

What is it?

Gatorland.

Gatorland.

I fucking love Gatorland, man.

I was like, you guys are really stretching it, though.

There was one exhibit where it's like a raccoon that they found and they put him in a cage

Just like behind the cage There's a tree with a raccoon in it.

Dude, I'm not even kidding around like when we were on the train ride There's like a fence separating like the Gatorland property from like the Yeah, better woods and all the bigger woods and all that and there's a raccoon trying to get in over the chain link fence

It's like maybe he's trying to rescue his friend.

He's like this guy out of here before they feed him to the gators.

I didn't even think of that.

Those gators love chicken, though, man.

They feed them those whole chickens.

Yeah, they jump up and eat them and shit.

I think we shot at Gatorland when we did that bit where they put my backpack on the back of an alligator and I had to get it off.

I think it was.

Mary Beth was saying she didn't like that.

I don't like that.

She felt scared for you.

Yeah, I wasn't scared for me.

I was worried about hurting the alligator.

I was like grabbing his arms.

to get them out of the loops on the thing on the backpack.

And I remember just being like,

and they edited it very well.

They edited it so I look like I'm really kind of scared.

But like, if you watch the whole footage, I'm sitting there going like, I don't want to hurt this alligator.

I was like, am I going to, I don't want to even wrench, I don't even want to like cause him like discomfort.

And then they're like, he's a fucking dinosaur, man.

He's surviving.

Like, you're not going to, like, by moving his arm, you're not going to hurt him.

They're like, watch out for the tail.

And I'm like, all right.

So I didn't like that bit.

I can't wait to go home tonight and tell her.

I'll be like, let me tell you something, you stupid bitch.

He wasn't even scared.

He didn't want to hurt the alligators.

How do you feel now?

Yeah, I was more upset about the alligator getting hurt.

I don't think she's stupid for that.

I mean, that's masterful editing, if anything.

Yeah, I'd say so.

Good job.

Yeah.

The place we stayed.

Oh, we also went to, there's like an International Drive, there's a giant Ferris wheel.

Okay.

Which

I remembered liking Ferris wheels.

This Ferris wheel made me not want to go on any more Ferris wheels.

Was it a classic open-air Ferris wheel or one of those pods you get in?

One of the pods that you get in.

Yeah, fuck those pods.

Pods, well, you get into the pod, and right away I notice that like the seat is really small, like in the center, so I guess you can sort of face out all ways and stuff, but there's like water all over it.

So now I'm standing for however the duration of this trip.

Why is it water?

I don't know.

It's not water.

You'd think it was piss.

It didn't smell like piss, though.

Okay.

I think somebody spilled a drink on it or whatever.

They couldn't bother to wipe that up.

Yeah.

All right.

So you get in this.

We get on.

and i go i immediately notice the water on the seat and i'm like all right well however long this ride is that's how long i'm going to be standing right

and it's like it's not like all right everybody on

you go around three times it's get on move stop go stop go two more stop it took like 25 minutes for this ferris wheel and at the end sage didn't like it she's complaining the whole time yeah i was like i never should have paid for this yeah like in coney island at the Ferris wheel there, they got it worked out pretty well the time.

They load everybody on.

You go around for a few spins and they let the other people off.

Then they let you go around for a few spins.

It's great.

See, that's what we should have done.

She went to Coney Island.

She went to Coney Island in the middle of December.

You would add the aquarium there?

It's like fucking Requiem for a Dream and shit.

Stark.

Happy birthday.

Meribeth wanted to go on this ride called the Slingshot.

Do you know what that is?

Yeah, I wouldn't do it.

I wouldn't do it either.

I told her i wasn't going to do it she said that sage said she wanted to do it but i figured that once sage saw it she was like not going to want to and even mary beth i was like i don't know that just seems it seems dangerous man like it's one of those rides where it's like you're asking to get ejected and shot through your fucking yeah like the cables

they're one of them's gonna go eventually statistically yeah it has to happen Yeah, I don't love it.

Maybe I don't.

Yeah, I don't love it, but I don't even like the sensation that they're selling.

Like, you're just swooping.

And everybody's passing out?

out yeah i don't need that titties are popping out which is a good point right well hold on there's sales there you know i mean there's bonuses yeah give me a good haunted house right oh yeah yeah that uh for a scare i would much rather that that's just that's stressful but anyway so we get to the counter yeah and marybooth is says to the guy well how much for the slingshot and he goes oh we we don't have that anymore ever since the accident

and it was that one i guess too many titties

no i wish i would have bought all the pictures that they take like

the videos i'm so obsessed with tits i just hang out there and i scoop them up before the people the rightful owners can get to the kiosk um anyway

wait was i saying the accident Oh, the accident, which was a kid, I think he was like 14 or something, like fell from the harness.

Like it wasn't attached properly or something.

And he died.

Yeah.

And it was at that slingshot.

Oh, shit.

So that's why he was like, yeah, we don't have it anymore since the accident.

But then goes on to say, but they do have them here, here, and here.

You just told me somebody died on this fucking road.

Like,

no way.

Yeah, I'm not going to drive somewhere else to fucking get on one of these goddamn things.

Oh, a 14-year-old died.

Oh, that's rough, man.

Yeah, I think he fell out of his seat or something.

Oh, his poor parents.

What that must have been like.

Yeah.

I wonder if that video exists because they videotape everything.

So it has to exist somewhere.

God, that's horrible.

Yeah.

Oh man, that's so bad.

It's like the family's ruined because of this fucking stupid ride.

Yeah, I'm not, I've never been a fan of thrill rides.

I got sick too easily.

And when the one thing that we saw in the Ferris wheel is like the swings.

Like, you know, it's like a, like a, like they go around in a circle.

Yeah, that people sit in the swings.

But this went up so high, I'm like, oh my God, who can do this?

It wasn't just, yeah, it wasn't like boardwalk level.

Sure, it was.

It was just gently going around five miles per hour yeah it was stories high all lit up with christmas lights i don't need that you're like i can imagine like being on acid

like

i can stand up i'll be surf no fucking way no that would not make me happy

yeah

and what else in our land oh hot grandma at the pool oh really yeah it was a lady who took a shine to sage because um Sage will like will talk to herself a lot or her friends, her imaginary friends.

And sometimes she gets like real loud and animated, and shit.

And so I'm like, you know, you're in public, calm down a little bit.

You know, nobody wants this.

Nobody wants to listen to this shit.

She'd go on and on and on.

She's arguing.

She's having dialogues and monologues and all kinds of crip.

And so the lady was like, oh, no, that's okay.

I work with special needs kids for years.

And then she went on to talk about like her grandchildren and shit.

But the whole time, I'm like, is this woman younger than me?

Because she was a hot grandma.

Yeah.

She was in a bikini.

That's nice.

She had a belly ring.

I'm like, I can't imagine my grandma having a belly ring.

Wow.

Belly ring makes

my grandma.

My grandmother was like 60 when I was born.

Yeah.

If she started early, though,

you know, sometimes those belly rings

party back in the day.

Yeah.

If she's got a belly ring to date.

Right.

Not giving it up.

No.

So let's say she, you know, she had a kid at 16, 17.

Could be.

She's wild.

Then she has a grandchild by the time she's

uh what kind of example was she of course she's her kid's gonna have a kid late 30s

early 40s

man

why am i here at 55 marveling that a grandma could be younger than me when you do the math it makes sense yeah you're in i guess you're you're in that stage where you're like this is like it's called denial you gotta start accepting this

yeah i guess so you're not you're not gonna really 60 is like where grandparents really

that's where you think of them, yeah.

Well, but that's them living till 30, not having a kid till they're 30, and then their kids not having kids until they're 30, right?

Which is seems a long time.

Like,

you know, like, do people really wait until 30 to have kids?

Sometimes they're popping them out in their late 20s.

Yeah, late 20s.

I would say early 30s.

I think more people are waiting these days.

Sure, but you can.

Because we can't even fucking afford to have a kid.

But you could be a grandparent at 55 pretty easy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I guess so.

i wonder if she was like i saw a hot grandpa

i don't think she was saying that did she have like a um a young attitude about her she had a young fun attitude her husband was a cool guy oh yeah yeah he's a handsome chick too yeah

good

he was a grandfather yeah i'm like you're making me swim with a shirt on

It's like, I don't know what you mean, man.

You know exactly what I mean.

Oh, you know what I mean.

you old piece of shit marybeth let's go back to the room this is no fun

she's like no i'll stay i'll just stay here

hot grandpa's lurking about and hot grandmas god damn her yeah

uh you know what let's take a quick break from all this fun okay

and make it even more fun because we got something for you and it is called me undies oh hell yeah this is all you really need it's not too late well actually once this comes out it'll be too late for Christmas.

But you can get it for somebody for like, oh, like, you don't see them at Christmas.

So you're like, I'm not, like, pressed to buy them their present yet.

So

this still could work for you.

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It's meundi's.

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They're not, they're not, they're not expecting expecting to like underwear for Christmas.

And then they get Miundis and they're like, holy shit, my fucking mind is blown.

My perceptions have all changed.

I was an asshole.

I was blind, man.

I was living in the Matrix.

I was a piece of shit am I.

I have to fucking question my entire.

I'm never going to take my shirt off in front of that grandpa.

Fuck that guy.

Next year, I'll go back.

I'll be better than ever.

I'll show him.

A full year.

Expecting him to be there, too.

I love Myundis.

I wear them all the time.

Q wears them.

Even Walt wears them.

That's a hearty endorsement, right there.

That's saying something because that guy does not like change.

He is specific.

Walt.

Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I was going to call in a professional on this.

Oh, wait, also when I was in Orlando, the first place we were so hungry, the first place we stopped, we're like, let's go to Denny's.

Let's just go there.

So we're off the plane.

It's, you know, it's, we, we, we've been traveling for six hours now, even though it's only a three-hour flight with all the driving and shit and all that that goes along with it.

We stop at Denny's.

We're hungry.

And the lady is like,

she's taking the order, and I'm like, I'll take

the whatever, the fucking Grand Slam or whatever the fuck it is.

She goes, you want pancakes with that, right?

And I was like, well, what else is there?

And she's like, toast, but all we have is seven grain.

And I was like, all right, well, I'll take some seven grain toaster.

I'll go up to nine if you had it, but you're saying you only have seven.

And then she goes, I can't eat grain.

And I was like, oh, no, why is that?

And then regretted asking why is that because she gave me an entire breakdown of her digestive issues for like the past two years.

This is your waitress.

waitress.

This is the waitress hanging out by the table.

Yeah.

Just ruining your appetite.

Yeah.

She's like talking about colons and all kinds of stuff.

And I was like, is this the kind of trip it's going to be?

But then we got to the hotel and guess who's there?

Who?

Hockey?

All right.

Yeah, it made everything better.

Oh, man.

I was tricked

by my wife.

I don't like it.

I'm not sure how to feel about it.

Oh, this is good.

Let me see who I side with.

Now, normally it's a shoe-in that I'm going to side with you.

Right.

But

who knows?

I'll do my best.

You never know.

I think that

you're a fair and impartial judge.

I could try.

I think if I were wrong, you would be like, nah, you're wrong.

That's true.

I would.

Yeah.

I mean, still take your side, but

let's just be on the wrong side.

So the other day, Mary Beth is like, what are you doing on the 20th?

Do you have anything planned?

Okay.

December 20th.

And I said, that tomorrow?

That's tomorrow.

Okay.

And I said, No, why?

And then she goes back to the phone before I say

before answering why, and is like, Yeah, six o'clock on the 20th will be great.

Oh, boy.

Hangs up.

She's like, I won something.

I was like, All right, what did you win?

Good news so far.

Right?

Yeah.

It sounded promising.

I won something.

I was like, what did you win?

She's like, I won a portrait of us.

And I was like, what do you mean, you like, how did you win that?

And she's like, well, I I signed up.

And like, she made it sound like how I won the canoeing trip, how I just like wrote my name on a fucking ticket

and dropped it in and like randomly it was selected.

Yeah.

That's kind of the way she was making it sound that

this portrait company that's in Red Bank

had a contest and she won and

we were going to get our portrait for free.

Okay.

So that's someone painting you?

That's photography.

It's what they do is they take a picture

and then throw it then they uh paint it from there i don't know if it's digitally or what sure and you get a free 11 by 14.

all right nice now they're saying 2500 value

that is aggressive that's an aggressive pricing is aggressive

that's that is not uh good business practice now i said to mary beth i was like so wait a second so Let me get it straight so far.

And I do think we have it straight.

We go over there.

We take a picture, which I fucking hate getting my picture taken but okay fine and then from there they paint the portrait I was like what do they want from us right she's like nothing she said it's no obligation do you want to sit there and listen to like a timeshare thing that's that's what I'm thinking like but because I can tell there's a but like but she's not like getting to it and then it turns out that if you want

you can get it framed or if you want you can get it matted or whatever these like little extras that they offer And I was like, they want to fucking sell us something.

That's what this comes down to.

You didn't win shit.

But you could go there, get it, and just not get the frame and the matting and leave.

Right.

And that's what I said to her.

I was like, I said, I'm not buying anything from these people because if I do, that means we didn't, definitely did not win.

And I was like, and on top of it, I'm like, I don't like getting my picture taken.

So what are you asking me here?

Is that trickery?

If somebody, she got me to agree to it without telling me why.

Okay.

Yeah, it's not trickery, but you could still just be, but like,

like she's, she definitely booked it, right?

Without fucking asking me about it.

But

she was in communication with these people.

Yeah, but you could just be like, I don't want to do it.

Don't do it.

If you don't want to do it, why are you going to do it?

Why does she want it?

I don't want to do it.

Yeah.

But she really wants to do it.

She likes having her picture taken.

I don't know.

Like, she's like, going back way back when she was like in pageants and shit like that, and um,

like, did modeling stuff for a little while.

So, like, she's like, Look, you look at her and you're like, Of course, you like getting your picture taken.

You look at me, and it's like, oh, I understand.

So, why don't you tell her to get her portrait taken?

Just be like, you know what, I'd really like, honey, is just a portrait of you because you can't send it by itself because you know she's coming back with that frame and that mat.

Oh, yeah, I got a fucking

eye on that pine frame.

Yeah, that looks heavy.

Heavy usually equals expensive.

It's cherry wood.

She's like, I want it.

Oh.

Well, if you don't want to do it, I say, so did you get tricked?

Yes.

Well, not tricked, but she definitely

took some wife

leeway with your schedule.

At least she asked if you were free.

But yeah, if you don't want to do it, I'm a big proponent of like, if you don't want to do something, you should just shouldn't do it.

Yeah.

I mean, oh, and then I'm like, well, and in my mind, I'm like, okay, I live 15 minutes away from this portrait studio.

I'm like, how long could it take for them to snap a picture of you?

You know, she's like, it's, it's, uh, there's a, it's from six to eight.

I'm like, two hours?

So it's a photo shoot, and then they pick the best one.

That's what I'm thinking.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You got it, you got to do it.

And then I'm you got to do it.

I got to see this portrait.

That's the other thing.

I'm like, this is who I am i'm a guy who gets pictures painted of me i mean and like not by like listeners who send in and then uh by the way whoever sent in the uh painting of princess mitch thank you very much uh sage loves it

and sherry also who sent in a i think a salamon princess mitch well i got him on the brain nice yeah

yeah so you're gonna do it tomorrow i'm gonna do it what are you gonna wear I don't know.

Can they paint you in like a Revolutionary War outfit?

I was gonna say, like, paint me slimmer.

Yeah.

You know,

don't capture everything.

You know, like, they have to paint it.

He has to paint it in, like, a landscape.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I wonder how many liberties he would let you take, like, before he was like, look, at this point, I'm just painting someone and I have to charge, like, I'm just making someone up and I have to charge you.

What you're describing doesn't look like you at all

Like made me look like Aquaman.

Yeah,

yeah, he could do that though if he wanted like he could just take my face and just paint Aquaman's body on me Well, I think this is even better.

It's just like if what if Mary Beth just got a portrait of her and Aquaman and you don't even got to go.

That's true.

This is her and Jason Mamoa.

Yeah, she just brings a picture of Mamoa with her.

Why not?

Like Photoshop that shit up.

Fuck, man.

What do you want?

I almost would rather see what that looks like.

I'd proudly hang that in my house.

Like this portrait, I don't know.

Hanging it in a house, like that seems to be even the next step towards like pink in the air bullshit.

What are you going to do?

You're going to put it above your fireplace?

Oh, no.

I'll put it in the fireplace, maybe.

Or put it in a guest bedroom and cut the eyes out.

Now I want to do it.

Let's put two googly eyes behind this.

They hear shuffling, scuffling behind the walls.

You have squirrels back there?

Oh, look at that portrait.

Why would they have that done?

They must have won it.

Nobody would pay for something like that.

The eyes really follow you.

I swear I'm not high.

I'm not.

I swear.

All I can think of is like the, because Mary Beth keeps talking about Frank Five and his wife staying the night.

Oh, and did they do that?

They have not yet.

No.

She wants that to happen.

She wants that to happen.

So like, I'm imagining them being the couple in the room that are like, wait a second.

Why?

She's really like gotten close to Miss Five?

She likes Mary a lot.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She likes Frank too.

It's possible

not to like Frank, right?

Yeah, pretty much.

Although there are some people that have

some.

At least, no, I don't know.

I think there are Frank looks like anybody else.

He has some haters out there, you know?

Sure, of course, of course.

But he's a guy.

I mean, if you look at him at Mr.

and Mrs.

Five, like they clearly

get along and like each other.

Yeah.

But they don't present that way.

Like, he's always taking shots at her and shots at the match.

It's like an old school sitcom.

Right.

It's like, it's like married with children almost, which I've been re-watching lately.

Sure.

Oh,

from what?

The first episode?

First episode to we just started season five.

Does it hold up?

Some of the episodes are great.

Other ones are like, wow, I don't remember it being this cartoony.

They bring it back as a cartoon.

Are they really?

They got the original cast, yeah.

Oh, wow.

Back.

You know, he was, I'm reading that book that David Milch wrote,

Life's Work.

It's his autobiography, and he's writing it while he has Alzheimer's and shit like that.

It's crazy.

and he said his first choice for swearing in was uh uh al bundy

really yeah he cast him he wanted to cast him what's ed o'neal he wanted to cast ed o'neal because he did a show called big apple with him it was a cop show and he's like this guy's a real actor and he's he doesn't get it which i guess people later found out with modern family but he wanted to cast him he wrote swearing in for him and hbo said no HBO's like, look, he's a TV guy.

We're HBO.

It's not happening.

He's all Bundy.

Then they cast Powers Booth as Swear Engine, and he got sick, I guess, of what eventually killed him.

And

so they had to have auditions again.

And he goes, and that's how we found, what's his name?

Yeah.

How crazy is that?

Yeah, pretty fucking crazy book, dude.

What the fuck are we talking about?

Married with Children.

Oh, you're watching Married with Children.

It holds up, doesn't hold up.

Some killer episodes, right?

There's some great episodes.

yeah, yeah,

and then there's like it's it's amazing too, like the shit that like by today's barometer, like me too stuff, and like like there's a there's a uh well, I think even the office fails that, right?

Yeah, probably, sure, yeah, probably these days.

Everything made before 2017 is

evil to be jettisoned into the sun

could just watch like um,

I guess she-hulk over and over again,

she-hulk yeah i haven't watched it

um neither but uh

yeah all right so so all right so we got the painting so i'm on your side i still think you could do it you should do it just because i want to see this the final outcome on this but i you know

yeah i mean

two hours though man of getting my picture taken when i'm like i'm not feeling the greatest about myself and now i'm supposed to be striking poses and fucking

voguing all over the place.

Are you gonna

ask me to vote because I'm not doing it?

I will not find one fucking vote.

Get your camera ready.

Is uh, you bringing the kid?

Is she gonna be in the I don't think she's in it.

No, okay, it's only you know one of the two people.

Yeah, I think it's two people

because it was like the thing she saw on Instagram or wherever the fuck she saw it that she entered and one

was uh, yeah, like New new jersey couples oh well what if her and sage won

i would be fine with that i don't think she would your name's paul my friend

gets between them all uh yeah i can't wait to see this painting yeah all right can't wait i'll post it for everybody to see

if he do better if he follows my directions i'm gonna look like brad pitt

Shit, what do we got?

All right, so you want to do phone calls, huh?

Yeah, we do some phone calls here.

only four people responded looking for advice, which means I guess a lot of people are doing very well in life, they don't need our advice.

Or we've given such shitty advice, yeah, they've listened to the show before and they're like, This is unreal,

like this shouldn't be allowed.

I just felt we gave good advice.

I thought so, but you know, I mean, not everything.

I mean, you know, there's some duds over the years, of course, but overall

overall, come on,

I think we're doing all right.

Let's see.

Okay.

So

I'm going to call this guy Bob.

Bob.

Yeah.

All right.

And here's his problem.

He's been helping a close friend with his finances for a couple of years now.

And with his help, this guy's, Bob's, he's managed to get in a much better place in terms of financial security and his future.

For the past six months or so, he's begun to backslide into his spending behaviors, as well as his participation in my accounting work with him.

So he's spending more and

not spending time with this guy doing his accounting.

I probably spend an hour or so a week working on his finances and he spends effectively zero hours.

I need advice.

Should I start charging him money for my help so he doesn't take it for granted?

And is it more motivated to work with me to make that worthwhile?

Or should I ditch this, his double, his lovable dumbass, let him get himself into a financial mess again?

I really care about his future and happiness, but I don't want to feel like I'm the only one caring

and the only one trying to do anything about it.

I definitely don't have time to be wasting if things don't change.

All right, so all right,

everybody knows the issue.

I won't lie, it wasn't very sexy,

you know.

I could just start talking about that grandma again in the middle of it if we want to sex it up.

Okay,

we'll mention her.

All right, let's listen up.

Hello, hey, this is Brian Q,

and

for

for the purposes of anonymity, you're going to be Bob.

Bob.

Excellent.

It took me a while to come up with that, but

code name Bob.

Hello, Bob.

Hello, how are you?

I mean, let's say what's his real name out there.

No, it's fine.

Let me take my earbud out here.

See if he'd be able to get away.

Can you hear me okay?

Yep.

Awesome.

Yeah, Bob, Bob is fine.

Okay.

So he has a real radio voice, doesn't he?

He sounds like Doug Washington BC.

I used to have a radio show back in the day, and I did some announcing work and stuff, but no, I just have a big face, big mouth.

Wow.

But you were professional.

Well, I mean, that was like 35 years ago.

Yeah.

You still got it.

Yeah.

Thank you.

I wonder about some buddies.

Yeah.

Like, I wonder about guys like this who have these types of voices and like you see them on TV or you see them in movies and you're like, do they really talk like that to people in real life?

And there's the answer.

Bob's ripping it out.

He's keeping it real.

Yeah.

Sometimes I sound like a little oiny person, but

not usually when I'm on the phone.

I just want to listen to him talk.

Well, you're about to.

All right.

Okay, we read your problem.

This is how long have you been doing this for?

For this particular guy, it's been at least a couple years, maybe three years.

And wait, you just started doing

out of the kindness of your heart.

Yeah, I actually,

I mean, I've always been a numbers and spreadsheets and math kind of nerd guy.

And I've always kind of taken care of my finances.

But a few years ago, I found, you know, a real love of using this particular budgeting tool and

just it changed, you know, kind of changed my financial security just by, you know, giving me control of what I was spending on.

And I had this buddy.

He was the first person I started helping who he was in a lot of debt, made decent money, but just was a spending idiot.

And so I started helping him.

And now I help maybe

somewhere between six and 10 people most of the time, rich people, poor people.

You charge for this?

No, no, I'm like a volunteer, but that's kind of why I like it because there's please tell me puzzling at least.

No, no, I don't even have access to the funds.

No, it's really just

like I've never

like

anybody like financial helpers who just help you do it for free.

Yeah, I've never heard of such a thing, yeah, because it feels good.

It's the first time I was ever like, ooh, I would like to retire and just do this.

The reason, the reason.

It's like Andy Dufran in prison, man.

Yes.

Actually, yes, that feels pretty good.

Yeah, just doing everybody's taxes.

So maybe they get like a couple of beers on the roof or some shit like that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, it's, it just, it's the first time I ever felt like I was really helping people.

Like, it's different than just giving money or, or whatever.

Like,

wow.

Like, I've changed people's lives.

And

people you know, or is this true in the organization?

No, it's just, it's just my buddies.

Like this, this one guy, you know, the guy I kind of wrote you about is a good friend and somebody I do a podcast with.

And,

you know, he's just one of the ones I've enjoyed the most because he really needed, needed the help.

And, you know, he's done, he's done really, really great.

But it's

like, it's the type of thing that nobody would do such a crappy job of teaching people the basics.

You know, this isn't complex stuff.

It's don't spend money you don't have.

Right.

Don't

don't put money on a credit card if you can't pay it off when the the bill comes.

It's not hard.

But this is what you sit down with them and

that's what you say to them?

Well, yeah, but it's a little bit more than that.

Like I use this

program, this website, YNAB, that

gives you, like, you just kind of hook it up to your accounts and all your money flows through it.

And it lets you just see what you're spending money on.

All your friends are comfortable with you knowing their finances and inside and out?

Yeah.

Well, not all of them, right?

It's a select set of people.

And yes, it sounds so weird.

I can't wrap my head around this one.

You're so far out in the fucking weeds, man, that I can't even see your problem.

So the guy is.

Yeah, I mean, that's the general stuff.

I love doing this, love helping people.

But this particular one, I mean, it is a weird thing, right?

Because it does put you, you know, some of the people.

I'm literally like in their shorts of everything they spend.

And other people, I just check in every week or month or something like that.

He's one of the people where I'm literally his day-by-day accountant.

I can't wrap my head around it.

Yeah, I know.

I'm like losing focus because I'm like, I don't understand.

So do you still want to do it or you don't want to do it anymore?

I totally want to do it.

What's getting frustrating is he's kind of...

Are you married?

I am.

I am married.

And your wife's okay with you spending all this time working on other people's stuff?

Well, I mean, not.

She understands it's a hobby that means something to me.

But yeah, it does bugger when, you know, when I'm, you know, getting on a Zoom with somebody and doing their finances for a few hours on a Saturday morning or something.

She's, she's not always sold with it, but she's pretty supportive.

How long have you been married?

20 plus years.

I see.

Wow.

Okay.

So you've been married 20 years.

It's like the most unusual hobby I've ever heard of.

It is, but then you hear about the marriage.

How's the marriage generally?

We are, you know,

we're not divorced.

You've been married.

We have two great, smart kids, teenagers, and

have a very good, lucky life.

We are good roommates.

Yeah.

Then I would be like, if that were the case, then I'd be like, leave me alone.

Let me do my

hobby.

He's like, I got to escape you somehow if that means looking at the spreadsheet then so be it yeah no she i mean she's i got her into it she's she's now helping her parents do their finances the same way that i'm

funny that you wouldn't do her parents yeah

well no i have like your fuck up friends sure but like my in-laws well no no no i'm totally in it but it was it was a way for her to learn like now she's into it the same way I am, even though she would never believe me about, you know, she didn't understand understand it.

And now she's like analyzing all this crap.

And it's like, oh, a transaction came in.

I don't know what he wrote this check for.

And it's just kind of

this hasn't brought you closer together.

It has actually.

It absolutely has.

It's been good, good for us.

Total, I can't hide anything from her and vice versa.

There's nothing to like

make fun of here.

Like everything sounds

well the fun is because I am an idiot, right?

I'm doing it.

I'm doing it for free.

I get no money from it, though I clearly enjoy it.

But really, this is less about the weirdness of what I'm doing than I have a buddy who I've really been helping out for a year, for three years now.

And he is, he's stressed out.

Obviously, pandemic's been rough for everybody, but he's kind of backsliding and starting to spend the way he used to.

What is he spending?

When he got

action figures.

Oh, boy.

You know, autographs, bullshit.

Hair.

Hair.

I was, though I am Bob.

I did spend yesterday evening on a couch with Jimmy the hair guy having a good time in Providence.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, but I have not spent two grand on hair.

Wow.

I mean,

but you want to keep doing it.

So

what's the burr in your saddle to be in your bunk?

But I'm helping other people all the time, right?

So I can get this enjoyment helping other people.

I'm trying to decide whether I cut him loose knowing that he's going to do worse financially without me helping him, but I will at least not feel like I'm being like he's not holding up his end of the bargain.

Like it's not fair.

Have you said that?

Like it is a weird thing.

Yeah, I mean, you know, I haven't I haven't brought it to a head at this point because i'm really trying to

i haven't no no i haven't okay um because he does he needs help but ultimately like anything he's got to help himself i'm here to help him if he's willing to help but he's kind of can i ask

how how could he how could he help himself um

well stuff like he doesn't like it's all about actually

tracking what you spend which means you either need to have those transactions come through your bank or you need to manually enter them on your phone or on a computer or whatever.

And he's like five or six months behind on his checking accounts.

So I have all his credit card stuff, but basically I'm working with less and less accurate data while I can see that he's spending his ass off.

I can't believe there are free bookkeepers out there.

It's so weird.

I have to fucking fight him in the nose.

It's uh, I mean, maybe the thing is,

like, there's no, like, if I'm doing it for my friends, they know I'm making nothing off of it, right?

I have no access to their actual money, all they have to do is put up with some, uh,

you know,

you know, I can see what they're making, stuff like that.

All right, I think I have a possible solution for you here, all right, that's going to make you happy.

We'll get you out of this thing.

Just tell this friend, this, this lunk head, just tell him, look,

look, I'm happy to keep doing this for you, but I need up-to-the-date information or it's a waste of my time.

And I don't want to waste my time.

So I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

Next month, we're going to schedule it for the end of the month.

And if you have everything in it at that time, we'll do it.

And if not, we're not going to do it.

Right.

And throw it right on him.

Now it's completely on him

to do it to do it.

Yeah.

And then ignore it until he reaches out to me or we hit that time.

Okay.

You got it.

I like it.

I think that is.

It's totally fair because, like, you can't do your job properly.

So, what's the point of you wasting your time to do your job?

Yeah, but it's also fair because I'm clear, I'm not sitting here fighting with him in my brain.

I'm literally putting it out there saying, Hey, man, I'm here for you, but it's on him.

It's all on him.

Now, unfortunately, that means

you're going to have to spend another hour or two with your wife a week.

Are you ready for that?

That's not a problem.

Sure, yeah, absolutely.

Okay.

Thank you, Professor Q.

I think that actually does

that actually does help.

Surprisingly, wise words, Q.

Yeah, I agree.

Yeah, just throw it on them.

Always throw it on a fuck-up because they'll fuck up when you're out of it.

Yeah, it's in their nature.

Yeah, I should know.

Right.

I mean, it's,

yeah.

So you've given me an out where I can feel okay with it.

Yeah.

It does, right?

You don't like to see a buddy fall, right?

No, of course.

Well,

sometimes I need a little spank.

Yeah.

No, I like it thank you guys all right bud very helpful nice talking to you bob you too peace assholes take it easy

good advice q i think i think so too man it gives him an in or an out

because if the guy does what he wants to do then he's in and he doesn't he's out it's great it's a win-win That's what you're looking for in life.

Win-win.

Or at least win.

I'll tell you what I'm not looking for in life is to be sitting around on Saturday morning for two hours on a Zoom with my friend going over his fucking gas receipts

It sounds like such a boring hobby man

This comes from somebody who has no hobbies I mean I'm playing this video game now.

All right, I'm playing this video game now called shipbreaker

and it all it takes place in the far future and all it all the point of the whole game is

you work at a shipping a starship yard scrap yard and the same background every game it's like the location doesn't move, but every the start of every round, they bring in a derelict starship.

And then you go through the starship and you aim your laser at these like cut points.

And then you just dismantle the starship.

And then you take the pieces.

And if it's like something that they could resell, like a chair or a light, you put it into this reselling salvage bin.

If it needs to be melted down, you shoot it into the furnace.

And if it needs to be processed, you put it in this blue light.

That's a processor.

That's That's the fucking entire game.

That's it.

And then, and you just sit there, and it's like it's the same thing over and over again, even if the ships look different.

Once you get inside, there's they're the same.

Just cutting these yellow cut points over and over again.

I gotta tell you, man,

it's more exciting than working on financial work for like friends.

Yeah, and it's cool, you can kind of get into it a little bit.

Like, I played it a few nights in a row now, and I'm enjoying very peaceful.

So, but like, that to me sounds boring, but it's not.

So, maybe that that's what this guy's thing is.

Do you think like Bob is some kind of weird voyeur?

It's like for him, it's not about like seeing a naked lady or a naked couple.

It's about seeing like, oh, he just fucking he bought a Starbucks.

Oh, maybe.

Gets a thrill off it.

Yeah.

He's like, then I can correct him later on.

Yeah, I could chide him.

Yeah.

Why'd this asshole spend $2,500 on a portrait?

His wife slipped me a note saying that she won it in quotes.

Can't wait to see this portrait.

Your Christmas card next year, on the other hand, is take.

Did you do Christmas cards this year?

No.

Okay, so next year.

I'm surprised Mary Beth didn't do that.

She always wants to, but then like, suddenly it's Christmas.

Yeah, right.

And then she's like, oh, shit.

But that Shutterfly's been fucking up a lot.

This, though.

Yeah.

This portrait.

That's a Christmas card.

It's got to be a Christmas card.

I would love it.

I got to pay to fucking

showcase my humiliation.

I was just like, why is he so skinny in this?

When did they paint this?

They run out of paint.

No, the abs are painted in.

Yeah.

Why is he dressed like Aquaman, though?

I guess is my main question.

I love it.

All right, what do we got?

Do we got a more juicy?

Well, there's only four, right?

There's only four and two people didn't answer me when I.

All right, so this might be our final.

This could be the final question for the, for the uh, for the year.

This is the last episode of the year.

Okay, I like this.

I think we really helped Bob, so this feels good.

Can it please be juicy?

It could be.

Okay.

I think it could be.

Question is mostly for Q.

Q, you have been platonic friends with Stacey forever.

I'm in a similar situation and would like some advice on how you've done it for so long.

She and I have been friends for several years, and we've considered going to the next level, but that probably won't happen.

I do care about her and

want what's best for both of us.

The other side of my problem is that my friends and family feel like I'm being taken advantage of.

My family's met her once.

She's one of my few close friends who I can trust and hang out with.

I've weighed several pros and cons of continuing this friendship.

The cons

having one or two more on the bad days.

Huh,

this is an interesting one.

Yeah, this could be.

I want to know why he feels he's being taken advantage of.

Yeah, that's what I want to know, too.

Yeah.

What's this bitch doing?

If there's money on the table, then.

Oh, you think,

okay, we're going to call this guy

called him Sam.

Sam.

All right.

Hopefully he picks up.

Hello.

Hey, it's Brian Q.

For purposes of anonymity, you're going to be Sam.

Okay.

Is your name Sam?

No,

it's not.

Okay.

All right.

All right, good.

You know who this is, right?

I mean,

yeah.

Okay.

You just seem surprised.

You got to use space monkeys.

Yeah, you got it.

Or you just woke up or something.

All right.

We read your problem

and Q's ready to dispense with some sage advice.

I can do my best here.

Can you lay it out for me?

Like, I'm curious as to why.

I need some work here.

How old are you?

How old is she?

How long have you been friends?

Why does your family think she's taking advantage of you?

We're both 34 years old.

And how long have you known each other?

other?

About six years now.

Okay, okay.

Yeah, we've been friends off and on.

Like, we took a small break early.

Why?

Just being friends.

Like, I just figured, like, I kind of needed to figure out if I wanted to keep being friends with her.

We kind of get on, we kind of know how to push each other's buttons to irritate each other.

So sometimes we just kind of like bicker back and forth, but then we kind of take it to the next level.

And then feelings get hurt.

And then we kind of have to go to our separate corners for a minute to kind of cool off and then come back together and hang out for a while.

And then last year,

I felt like she was putting up walls between us, like she was kind of like distancing herself from our friendship.

And I didn't figure out why until.

And I said, listen, like until we get this stuff kind of figured out, I kind of need to take a break from her

because my feelings were getting involved.

Like, I have feelings for her off and on, and she's had feelings for me off and on, just never at the same time.

Have you guys ever, have you guys hooked up?

No, it's never gotten physical.

Why?

We just know haven't been in that same mindset.

Like, it feels like

I just, I could only because I've like Stacey, even aside, like, um, like, I've been friends also, like,

like, with lots of girls over the years, and, like,

usually what happens is, like, you know, you hook up,

you know, at least once or twice, just for the fucking goofy fun of it.

Um,

and then when they get a boyfriend, you kind of lose him for a few years, then they break up with their boyfriend, they come back, you start hanging out again.

That that's a pretty good system.

That's not that's not what you're operating under.

Well, it kind of actually turned out to be that way, aha,

um especially with her um

i i've never had like a long-term romantic relationship with somebody why um

i i've been so self-conscious with like body image and and um just never really kind of been confident in myself and i've been working on that a lot i've been seeing a counselor oh that's great bud

Yeah, yeah, and it's helped out a lot.

And so

I've joined a singles dating group.

That's where I met her.

And

throughout the course of this, she's had several boyfriends from that singles group.

But for whatever reason, I just haven't put myself out there enough.

But she's stated she's had those feelings for you at points.

Yeah, yeah, like she where she's just unsure like if a physical if a romantic physical relationship would be good for us.

It's weird that like i i don't have

many female friends

so it's it's hard for me to it's hard for me to judge this one i don't maybe that's why you know because you you do have some long-term platonic but like like i'm friends with jordan sure like but there's no chance of because it's my friend's wife yeah that's that's a different relationship than just having a series of uh

uh female friends do you get like when she does have a boyfriend Do you feel like jealous or do you not care?

I get kind of irritated.

Like,

um, that she, like, the problem I've had with her boyfriends is

with a couple of them, she hasn't told me that she actually was seeing somebody.

Why?

Because I don't know if it's, she was afraid of hurting my feelings, if she was like afraid of judging me or not judging me, but like

of me judging her.

Um, one of them, like, like we were hanging out so well for like six months and then uh we planned on going to a new year's eve party together and then she was like oh hey yeah i'm gonna get ready at his house

and i was like oh maybe it's just somebody she met you know as a common friend no she definitely

yeah no definitely like that day she was texting

yeah so we go to the party and i'm like oh hey it's nice to meet you and he's like yeah i've heard so much about you.

And I, and I flat out said, I, I didn't, I don't know who you are.

I don't know anything about you.

Well, that pissed her off.

And so I told her, I was like, how you kind of blindsided me with you've seen somebody for six months without even telling me.

Like, that's, I thought our friendship was better than that.

Yeah.

And it turned out too, like, like the second time we stopped talking, she was seeing an old boyfriend of hers for a couple months.

And that's when I felt like

we were going apart again.

And, and she didn't even tell me then after I said, listen, like, I, we need to take a break again because I need to, I, you know, why, can I ask why your family thinks she's taking advantage of you?

Um, a lot of it, um, I think just has to deal with like if we go out, then I usually pay for stuff.

Like, she's, she's a doc, she's an uh, I don't know how to tell how much, but um, her gigs are sporadic.

Like, her, her jobs are

like not a full-time job.

So she travels a lot.

She's trying to get a couple of companies out off the ground.

And so

it feels like if I want to hang out with her,

it's always like the top three things with her is just money.

And so it's like, because I...

I have a decent job and I like hanging out with her.

I'm like, well, hell, paying for a meal and a concert ticket or a meal and a movie every once in a while to see her.

Sure, it's your money.

I think you're entitled to spend that however you want.

I wouldn't necessarily say you're being taken advantage of.

Right.

Yeah.

And, but, but, like, when times come up, um, when it's like choice between hanging out with family or going to hang out with her, and sometimes those conflict, I choose her over family and friends because

like my plans with her are so hard to get together because of her job and stuff.

And my job, that it's like, if I get to see her for a few hours, then I can see my family anytime.

I can't see her necessarily all the time.

So

I want to hang out with her more than hang out with family.

Well, let me ask you something.

What are the positives of this relationship?

We have the same kind of humor.

We like a lot of the same music.

We kind of

like going out to hang out together, try different things.

We go hiking.

We like a lot of the same food.

She's telling Steve Dave listener?

No.

We got her answer.

I've been trying.

Yeah, see,

I've been telling people more about you guys and how you helped out a lot.

I don't want to cut you off, but I got to ask, have you seen her in a bathing suit?

I've seen her in underwear.

How's that look?

Pretty good.

Any tattoos?

Oh, it's always in, yeah.

I mean, it's always in, huh?

Any tattoos?

Not that I can remember.

I mean, I'd remember.

Yeah.

I mean, it's fleeting glances from like, if she, if we, if she hangs out overnight, or if I hang out at her place overnight, then it's just like, oh, she's running from like the shower to the bedroom.

Oh, she knows what she's doing.

She knows exactly what she's doing.

Exactly what she's doing.

And one of my friends has said that, like, she, she's doing this because she knows I'm a safe person.

And so, like, she doesn't want to risk that safety net on having me because she's told me too, like, and I, like, her, one of her boyfriends was, like, emotionally distant.

And so I think she was using me as that emotional part of that

relationship with her boyfriend.

Yeah, I've seen this before.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's also something.

You know what, dude?

I think I formulate an opinion about you.

So

you would call this guy an emotional friend then?

I don't think that this friendship is beyond saving, but I think you got to make some fucking hard moves.

You got to make himself a little more dangerous.

He can't be so safe.

I think he's got to get out of it for a while, start seeing a girl.

And not tell her.

And then, no,

I think that a lot of people.

What's up?

Oh, like when Brian said, yeah, I don't have to tell her about it.

Like, it kind of does

like the tit for tat thing.

I get that.

No, no, no, no, no.

Don't listen to him on this one.

This is not the relationship you're supposed to have with your friends.

It's not a tit for tat thing, like getting revenge on each other in a cycle.

And by the way, you're losing.

I hate to break it to you, bud, but you're losing.

Like, she, she, I don't think.

She's going to concerts and going out to dinner.

Like, I don't think she's taking advantage of you, but like, in the balance of things overall, she's getting good dick somewhere else.

She's getting you to take her out.

And so, again, I don't think she's being manipulative in that way.

I think it's perfectly fine that you pay for her and all that shit.

But, like,

you need to...

This is sounds

whatever you think of her.

And I don't think she's a bad person.

I'm not here to tell you she's a piece of shit or anything like that.

But I think that you guys are trapped in a cycle.

You're not going to win her over this way at all.

You're never going to get her if you keep going down this path.

You got to get out.

You got to take a break from it from whatever for whatever you have to do it you got to find someone else a girlfriend or some shit like that go in that direction for a little bit and then bring it back to her and then you know then then call her up drop drop her an email something but just doing what you're doing is is not going to work because i'll tell you what bro eventually she's going to find the boyfriend that she's fucking really into and that she has a really good relationship with and then

Your phone's going to stop texting.

I mean, you're done, bud.

You fucking cooked.

And it's not because of she's using you and it's not because of anything.

It's because like if you're with someone that you really like, there's limited time because you just want to be with that person.

Right.

It's so your days are numbered completely with her.

Unless you start seeing someone else.

I don't want to say it gets her a little bit jealous because that's not what we're doing here, but it makes her reassess the whole situation and reassess you.

You know, and hopefully by then this other person that you're seeing, you just fucking like anyway.

But let's be honest, it'll probably fall apart because most relationships do.

And then you'll have been reassessed by this one girl.

But I will tell you this, whether that works or not, doing what you're doing

will not get you the girl.

It just will not.

It never will.

It never did.

Never has historically.

It never has.

And it never will.

It just won't.

Because why would it?

If she wanted to fuck you and jump your bones, you don't think she would have done it when she was running from the shower to the bedroom half naked?

Like, women, you know, they have ways of letting that be known.

She hasn't done it yet.

It's been years.

So she doesn't have an interest in you in that way.

So it's like, what do you, you know, what are you doing?

And you have to rely on her word for like, oh, I was interested in you, but now I'm not.

Right.

That's right.

Great point.

Great point.

Yeah.

I mean, like, look, like,

at least like, forget about all the jokes we said about Stacey on the air over the years.

Like,

I mean, she made it very clear that she was not interested in me.

You know, and it was up to me to be like, hey, man, that's fucking cool.

You're not able to do that because you have feelings.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

So you're putting yourself in a situation where

all you're doing is hurting yourself because you're fucking in a situation where you have feelings for someone.

So you got to get out of it.

And not forever.

You know, it sounds like a worthy person in your life, but you can't.

I mean, you got to kind of separate and go in another direction.

I think the therapy is great.

You're a young man.

Early third, 30s are the greatest time of life.

I thought.

I thought 30s were fucking awesome.

30s are pretty kind to you, right?

Pretty fucking kind.

Like your body is, you know, it hasn't started breaking down yet, but you're a little wise.

You know, you're a little wiser, you're a little older.

Look, you're in therapy.

I bet you didn't go in therapy in your 20s, right?

You were in your 30s.

Yeah, it was like right when I hit 30s.

I was like, I kind of need to get out of this depression that I've had, this rut that I built for myself over my 20s.

Bro, you're on the Brock and Brian Quinn path

to success from 20s to 30s.

That's my exact thing.

But like, whereas

at least my female friends, the boundaries have always been clear.

We're going to get drunk and we're going to fuck every once in a while, or we're not, right?

I've had that, like a version of those relationships with all my female friends over the years.

And the roles were very defined.

Everybody was happy with what was going on.

Otherwise, it doesn't work.

And that's not what's going on with you.

So it's not working.

Yeah, you're right.

I mean, without having those boundaries, I've always been in that weird state of

unsure.

Right.

And that's not, that doesn't make you like stupid or anything.

That's fucking every guy.

But, but you are denying yourself opportunities and you're denying yourself growth in different directions because of this woman.

And you can't do that to yourself anymore because while you are in your early 30s and you're still young, the clock is also ticking.

Like right now, if you're not.

I was 30 once.

Like, dude, like, you, you know, you gotta fucking, you're already aged out of like 23-year-old girls and shit like that.

That'll be so short.

Not all of us have TV shows, Brian.

So it's like, so, like, you know, but you have an age out of girls like 27, 28.

So I don't know, man.

I would just like start throwing that net out and like having a good time and just cutting her off.

Not in an angry way, not in a fucking fucky way.

Just for yourself.

You've done it before.

You told me you guys broke up and went in separate directions.

And she's out fucking these guys, these fucking animals all over.

Rubbing it in your face.

She's rubbing it in your family nose and face.

She is, man.

I had to talk about that.

Listen to me.

People treat you the way you allow them to treat you.

Right?

Right.

All right.

So what are you going to do?

Take a break from her.

Take a break, man.

Go in other directions, man.

It'll be good for you.

You don't have to get mopey about it or broken up about it.

You're already saying, like, I'm not cutting her off for life.

One day we'll get back on the same path, but I got to go and work on myself a little bit.

I think that's going to pay off dividends for you, bro.

And I guarantee you that that's the only path to getting in her fucking pants.

Yeah,

you could have been more right about like

the repetitive behavior that you've had going for the past couple years only results in the same thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, definition of insanity.

You're insane, son.

Fucking, what does he call him?

Deadwood?

You're cut struck.

Fucking Al Swear.

Yeah, but that would be my advice.

You know, don't get angry.

There's no need for anger.

There's no need for hurt feelings.

Like, you don't have to, like, play, just play a cool man, and it's going to hurt a little bit.

And when it does hurt and it sucks, download that shipbreaker game, man.

What do you got?

PlayStation?

Relisten to your favorite episodes of Tell'em Steve Dave.

Yeah, you got an Xbox.

You smoke weed?

Oh, fucking shit, Tom, man.

All right.

Well, look, I got you fucking night set up.

You download the shipbreaker game, you smoke a fucking fat bowl, you sit there, you disassemble ships.

What I like to do sometimes is post some Pink Floyd on the fucking radio while I do it.

I don't know, man.

You're not going to miss her, you know, in that scenario.

No, you're true, man.

That's so true.

Yeah.

All right.

Get back to us.

Let us know how it goes.

Oh, for sure, guys.

I will.

Thank you so much.

Oh, no problem.

Appreciate it all, guys.

And I mean, don't like I said, this last year, man, has been really rough on me.

I had some cancer scare that I'm going through.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

She didn't fucking give you any when you had cancer?

Yeah, really, man.

I know, right?

I mean, I've gotten, I've taken pity fucks before.

I don't care.

I've told girls I had cancer.

You can just lie.

They'll believe you a lot of the time.

You don't have to show them blood tests.

right well i can i can definitely show them this i don't have a ball because of it oh man well did you tell her that

yeah and she didn't want to see it

no

god damn how'd she react like she i mean it was like oh that sucks you know if you needn't say anything oh no dude like now your fucking actual fucking

balls are getting affected and she didn't even give a fuck she's got no plans to go there gelding yeah she doesn't man You're literally ballless in her eyes.

Yeah, she's like, what's the big deal?

You weren't going to use him anyway.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, damn, dude.

All right.

It's been broken down now.

Yeah.

Good job, Q.

Dang, man.

I just, I think he's in a good spot.

I think he's in a better spot than he thinks he is.

And you just got to follow the path away from this girl.

Stick with the therapy.

I think you're going to be great.

Right on, man.

Thank you so much, guys, for taking my question.

No problem.

Let us know how it goes.

Oh, for sure, guys.

And I'll keep on listening.

And uh

thank you guys all right brother means a lot take it easy

thank you guys have a good day you too man

not bad successful successful i feel we gave him the the correct advice yeah um

where what else what other direction could you go in like i've i've there's nothing because she's pulling the the like the

The brother card.

You're like a brother to me.

No, she's not because she's telling him that, oh, magically, when you weren't interested in me, I was interested in you.

Yeah, you are right.

That's the manipulation, whether it's true or not.

It's like a very manipulative thing to say.

Why didn't you say that shit when you were interested?

Right.

Because he's always interested.

Yeah.

I don't give a fuck.

Yeah, like, why'd you keep it to yourself?

Yeah.

He's always interested.

Show me the guy, the single guy that's not interested

in having sex.

With a girl that he described as looking good.

Looking good?

Is willing?

It's like, like, what are we talking about?

I can't even believe we're entertaining this nonsense.

She's got to go.

I wish we had a picture of her.

I really would like to see what this looks like this.

She's roping doping them.

Should have blasted out her Instagram.

Yeah.

Her graham.

Called her boyfriend on the air.

Wow.

All right, man.

I think that went pretty well.

I think so, too.

Yeah.

And we miss Walt.

We'll

talk to him after the new year.

We'll see everyone else over the new year.

And we can say, Merry Christmas, because this is dropping on the 25th oh special little christmas gift merry christmas guys and uh you know as always thank you do we have any we want to say thank you to the audience do we ever do that i don't think so but we should we should because because i because the they're very important to me and you you yeah love these guys yeah these knuckleheads i rarely meet a listener that i don't like right Because everybody's like kind of like like-minded, you know?

We're like, we get it.

Yeah, everybody's just kind of chill.

There's no reason to get upset about shit, I guess.

But man, I just fucking love the ants.

I just do.

And it's knowing that I'm able to come on air and like talk about shit that's bothering me is kind of really therapeutic.

Do you find that?

Oh, yeah, definitely.

Yeah.

If we go two weeks, I'm like, I start feeling cagey and shit.

Yeah.

And I know I could say things to this audience that they're not going to fucking take the fucking wrong way or

anything like that.

I'll show up on fucking HuffPost the next day.

Yeah, I'm not too worried about that.

I guess, like, just like, I don't know.

It's like, I don't know.

I just feel very

at ease and at myself whenever we're recording for the ants.

Yeah.

That's nice.

It is.

Yeah, I like a fucking long journey, man.

12 years?

12 years.

I remember doing the first Space Monkeys in the VSCU offices.

Oh, shit.

That was when we brought my niece to that concert and shit.

Oh, my God.

Man, what a trip.

And it's no end in sight?

No, not for me, anyway.

I hope not.

I love doing it.

I love doing it.

We love you.

This is a big love fest.

Yeah, really.

We've been eating edibles.

I didn't even eat any edibles.

Very lovey-dovey.

Yeah, I'm trying to match your level of lovey-doveiness.

Yeah, just, you know, it's always like a

point.

I'm proud of telling Steve David in a way that I'm not with anything else.

It's great.

Yeah.

So thank you guys.

And happy new year.

Peace, assholes.