#539: Mr. Glass

That's what I should be thankful for.

Yeah.

That my wife isn't risking my life for no reason.

Got me.

You won.

You got got.

Congratulations.

Well played.

Well played.

Wait, wait, he's not a doctor?

No, no, no, no.

Strictly speaking, no.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave.

I'm here with Waltz.

Then I am here with BQ.

Hello.

All your favorites are here.

That's it.

Last year, all the favorites weren't.

I mean, last week.

Frank Five.

Oh, yeah.

He's close.

He's up there.

Generally, warm feelings towards Frank Five, right?

Oh, of course.

It's certainly not too controversial.

I don't know if there's anybody

that doesn't elicit positive vibes from listeners now at this point.

Everybody.

They love everyone.

Even Gidem, I think, has won over the majority.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was an uphill battle.

I believe so.

It was an uphill battle for a Gidem, but I think it was worth fighting.

What else was he going to do?

That's true, yeah.

Well, he could have embraced it.

He could have embraced the hate and really went after everybody.

Well, I actually think he kind of did embrace all the things that people didn't like about him, and it just eventually won people over.

The know-it-all.

Yeah.

You know?

Do you think it's Walt's love of him that

they're like, if Walt Flanagan can see something in this fucking guy that's worth.

I don't know.

I think it's like he's a gift to the show.

He's like, he's

constantly giving you content,

and he'll put on that coach uniform and fucking prance around in it.

That was a funny commercial.

Yeah.

Him and it was a good commercial.

TellhemStevedave.com.

I don't know if it's on there, but it should be.

It should be somewhere.

Anyway, we'll talk about that for just a second.

Holly, we still got all that Black Friday stuff, right, Walt?

We got sweatshirts and t-shirts.

We got t-shirts and hoodies and figures still available at tellhemstevedave.com we'll get them out to you if you order quickly we'll get them to you before christmas i'm sure well there you go

what do you need like amazon yeah free shipping right in america in america yeah not if you're in the out of country if you're in one of those

countries that

doesn't have the red white and blue flag then yeah you're you're shit out of luck but you know that feeling anyway if you aren't an American.

Yeah.

You're just like, what's the point?

On all their flags, it just says, why bother?

So, Q, we haven't seen you since Thanksgiving.

How did it go for you?

Really?

Fucking sweet, right?

It was before Thanksgiving.

It was before Thanksgiving we saw him.

Yeah,

then Thanksgiving would have been the Black Friday one that we did with Frank Five.

I was here Black Friday.

Yeah, but we didn't record an episode.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Yeah, yeah, no, no.

I mean, I'm talking about the Royal Week.

The Royal Warrior.

Yeah.

Okay.

Wow.

It's been that.

I thought I missed one episode, but I guess it was more than that.

No, just one.

Oh.

Yeah, just one.

Just last week.

But it had been a while, I think, since you.

Didn't you do it by remote, or were you here in person?

I honestly don't remember.

Yeah, I don't remember.

This last week?

No, because I was here when I talked about Benjamin Cat and stuff like that.

First, they try to sell us shit.

Then they're trying to figure out the last time he was there.

Yeah.

We're going to get to some good stuff, don't worry.

Yeah, I don't feel like I've been away from the table too long.

Miss you.

I thought I missed like a week or so.

That's all.

Well, I don't get to see you as much as I used to.

I know.

I'm not

accustomed to missing people.

Well, I went back to work this year.

That's what happened.

Yeah, man.

We had two years off.

If only we could have another pandemic, this time twice as bad.

Well, I mean,

we're almost wrapped in season 10.

It's wrapped, I think, mid-January.

You know, then I'm just, then it's just

touring.

Yeah.

Yeah, go to ImpracticalJokersLive.com.

Get your tickets out.

Then we're just touring, and that's like weekend, so I'll be around.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Summer's coming.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Get through this winter.

Going to Orlando tomorrow.

Right?

Winter just started.

The winter didn't even start yet.

I'm just trying to be positive.

We're going to stay on the sunny side.

Yeah, I'm going down to Orlando tomorrow just to like a little.

I figure Orlando in December, and then she wants to go to Vegas in like January, February, or something to see her parents.

Fucking sorry.

We have like a nice little breakup of the winter.

And then before I know it, it'll be warm again.

And it hasn't even really been that bad recently, like you said.

Fucking 52 degrees.

Oh my god, now we're talking about the weather.

Holy shit, let's talk about something good.

Darren was taking tons of shit.

I saw

Mary Beth posted a picture of Thanksgiving.

My brother Darren was there in attendance,

and he was taking some barbs for his attire.

Really?

Sunglasses on the head.

Oh.

Tank top.

Or Guinea T is.

I mean, he's in Jersey.

He's in Jersey.

That seems like that's fine.

I got to tell you, I didn't even notice it.

It did not even occur to me

that it's at a semi-formal family engagement and he dresses like he's going to the beach.

Do you think that's because of Darren's general aura?

Seems like people are like, hey, man, he's here.

Like, he's happy.

He's wearing what he wants.

Don't say anything.

Rile him.

Don't stir the pot, man.

Well, that's the thing.

It's not like he's a fucking chilled-out surfer, dude, where he's like, hey, man, just keep on keeping on.

I love you, brother.

I've always had a good friendship with your brother, but chill is not the word I would use to describe him.

He has a

microscopic fuse, right?

Yeah, it makes me look like the patience of a saint.

Even Edgar's like, you know, he's like, you know, this one's not as crazy as Darren, but still pretty crazy.

So

I got to be honest, though, I didn't see the picture, but if someone showed up wearing, it says basically a white undershirt.

No.

No sleeves.

It was like something you would...

It wasn't a wife beater.

Oh, okay, because the way you're painting a picture, was it a wife beater?

It's a tank top, no.

Isn't the tank top basically?

Yeah, but a wife beater is like the under wife beater.

Yeah, like this, what I have on right now.

Stacy, don't look.

It's fucking vile.

That's a wife feeder.

That's a wife feeder.

Okay, and what was he wearing?

He was wearing, it was just like a, I think a dark-colored

basically it's the same thing.

Not white.

Just not white.

Okay.

I don't think it's the same thing at all.

No, I see it as different as well.

Yeah.

But I was complaining because I remember over the summer, I went to

the Olive Garden, you know, fine eatery.

Sure.

When you're there, your family's there.

Yeah.

And there was a guy there who had a tank top on, and and I'm like, I don't want to look at this motherfucker's hairy armpits while I'm eating, man.

Okay.

But get some sleeves on, bro.

This is the fucking olive garden, bro.

This is the olive garden.

Yeah.

You're fucking.

You're living now.

Yeah.

You're not used to it, I can tell.

But he was an employee

or a patron?

No, he was a patron.

Yeah, you really can't.

You can't really walk around and expect a certain people to be civil.

I mean, yeah, you really can't go to an olive garden and then expect a clothing

requirement.

Of course, you can.

I don't know.

So basically, fresh food.

Yeah, it's fast food.

It's chilies.

Yeah, so you go to McDonald's and what do you expect?

No, but it's not.

If they were charging McDonald's prices, then okay.

Although I did mention earlier, I paid 40 cents extra for Mac sauce and I was not happy about it.

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know.

I just don't feel like that it's an establishment that screams, you know, like a dress code.

Well, you have there is a dress code.

But he still must have passed it because you served him.

It's a shirt.

It qualifies as a shirt.

But could I walk in there with like my dick magnet shirt?

Like, you know, I don't write dick magnet on, but it's like a half shirt with my fucking giant cut hat.

What was the problem?

Because he had hairy arms?

Hairy armpits.

I don't want to look at it.

Yeah.

I mean, couldn't you just turn your chair the other way or switch?

Now I got to fucking adjust my behavior because this guy doesn't know how to act like a fucking human being.

I mean, if they.

I turned my back to Darren at the table.

I just ate the whole time with my back facing him.

If the Matrix D sat him at Olive Garden, I really don't know what recourse you have, though, other than to just kind of deal with it.

Oh, I know what my recourse is to deal with it and fucking complain later on.

What else do I got?

There's nothing else I can do about it.

Just shoving pasta in your mouth, glaring at his audience.

Yeah, yeah.

More breadsticks.

Where it is, they're bottomless around these parts.

There's only one thing that'll fucking quell this fucking fire I got, and that's the free breadsticks and salad.

I heard they're not even free anymore, right?

Get out, really?

You were just there, weren't you?

No, I was over the summer.

I don't think they're.

Oh, maybe it's the chips.

That's the chips of the chips of chilies.

Remember, you used to walk in, they used to put the chips in.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now you got to sign up for rewards.

$2.99, and you got to pay for that shit.

What's the world coming to, Walt?

Everybody's got their hand in our pocket.

It's the supply chain.

Oh, it's because of Putin, right?

I knew it.

You know, the war,

COVID, gas, lockdowns, you know, all those things combined for a...

Throw out some buzzwords and let's take care of everything.

You know, combined for a fucking horrible stew that has now caused prices to rise, inflation,

hyperinflation.

I've never been so certain that Walt was sedated prior to sitting down at this table.

What is going on?

What?

You all right?

You're talking about the economy and shit.

Yeah, well, I don't know anything about it.

Do you want to talk about the weather more?

Yeah, the weather are the something I could deal with.

What else?

Oh, I think I did tell you this, Walt, that

I was kind of proud of myself that I didn't argue with Pam.

I don't think I told you, though, Q.

It was

at her house.

I can't remember what it was for, though.

Might have been my sister's birthday or something, but

she

was telling me about how she's watching all these Halloween movies.

Halloween was upcoming at the time.

think you told me this.

Yeah, I think I told you this.

And

it's just like.

You caught her making a mistake and she wouldn't admit to it.

She wouldn't.

I didn't even call her on her mistake.

Darren did.

Darren was in there.

At the fog, right?

At the fog, yeah.

So my mother says that she watched the fog.

She's like, and I watched it in black and white.

I'm like, all right.

I see this already.

What's going on?

She saw the mist in black and white.

That's what I said.

I said, are you sure it wasn't the mist?

She goes, no, it was the fog.

Like, very certain of herself.

And then my second question was, I go, did you watch it on a black and white TV?

And, of course, she did not.

She watched it in her home.

And I let it go.

I was like, oh, cool.

And I wasn't like,

okay, so you watched a fucking movie in a format that it's never been presented in and wasn't fucking shot in, but somehow you fucking did it.

You're amazing.

Can I fucking see this magical movie?

Did you tell her?

I didn't tell her I wasn't going to go.

But did you inform her that you let it go?

Because if you did, then you really didn't let it go.

I was going to say, I would have kind of defeated me letting it go.

But Darren was on the case.

Darren was right there being like, yeah, she saw it in black and white.

Stirring the pot a little bit.

Stirring it off.

I think he wanted to get me going.

And I'm just like, and I could tell by her face, like, she's like right there.

Like, I mean, she might have a more hair-triggered temper than Darren does.

Yeah, everybody's got a fucking problem in my family, man.

Yeah, but you know what?

No one's no one's gonna walk around in eggshells because Pam's pissed off.

But Darren, you know, he

a bottle of fucking Jack Daniels would come flying across the room or something.

Yeah,

she's gonna like try to get out of her chair, she won't succeed, and then if she does, she'll she'll kind of stumble towards you.

She's really she's gotten to the point where she looks like

I mean, not facially,

but looks like a troll.

The way she walks around.

She lurches about hunched over.

And she, like, you know, does like this.

Like, I chased her out of the kitchen a couple of times.

I talked about it last week because she wouldn't fucking stop coming in the kitchen when Mary Beth was trying to cook.

And she would get so, dude.

I'm going to get as close to you as she did to Mary Beth era.

Okay.

All right.

So I'm at the oven.

I'm stirring.

I'm making some stuffing and whatnot.

Right.

Yeah.

That's weird.

It's her daughter-in-law.

How fun?

She can't get close on Thanksgiving.

I'm not exactly.

Fuck it.

She's so cold and sterile, the Johnsons.

I could not believe it.

Would you back away from her?

Scutter, Scutter.

And then she would scutter out and then, like, I'd scuttle out.

And then I would, like, go do something.

I'd come back in.

She'd be right back in there.

Yeah.

She wouldn't listen.

Why is she, why is

she walking that way?

I just think old.

Oh, just age and doesn't take care of herself.

Egger's like, I tried to tell her, you know, like, get your, get your back looked at, but she didn't get it looked at because she doesn't want to go through another.

She had like rods put in a while back,

years ago.

So I guess they would have to take them out and put new ones in or some shit like that.

She doesn't want to do it.

But to me, it's like,

I don't know.

Like, you see those old people, like, every once in a while you'll see them.

They're just walking around and they're like at a fucking 90-degree angle.

They're so

over.

Yeah.

Like, I don't want to.

That's fixable.

I don't know if that's fixable.

She's not that bad.

I don't think if you get to that point, I don't know if there's anything that can repair that.

But if you had been proactive, maybe

when you were at maybe a 45-degree angle,

maybe then you could have done something.

I had a conversation with a woman in Manhattan, an old woman in Manhattan recently, and I had to sit on the sidewalk to talk to her because she was completely bent over.

And I was like, whoa, that's crazy.

And like, I felt bad because I was talking to her and she was just staring at the sidewalk.

And I was like, does she?

Look at me when I'm talking.

Yeah.

Like, guys, up here, Nanny.

No, but I'm like, is this poor woman?

Like, every conversation she has, she doesn't know who she is.

So I was like, fuck it.

I'll sit down.

I don't know if it would insult her or anything, but I sat down.

She seemed to appreciate it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She got to look at me.

Did she recognize you?

No.

So I got up and left.

I like smell.

No instant recognition.

So you were like, ah, waste of time.

I'm like, is anybody

take a picture of me talking to this old lady like this?

Somebody post that online.

I could have been spent my time being nice to somebody who's putting a nickel in my pocket.

interesting story like escape the nazis and stuff like that she was like old old yeah and like what how did you run did you just how'd you run into her she was i was on uh uh houston and there's a garden over there and she was

watering the flowers but carrying like she's bent over and she's carrying these buckets to and fro and i was like fuck do you need help And she's like, no, no, I got it.

I take care of the flowers.

But I kind of like just, I just like,

was like, okay.

And then asked her about the flowers and she just started talking about it.

So I just sat down and she, I was like, what's your deal?

Because she has a thick German accent.

And she told me she's a war criminal.

No, she was like, yeah.

She was like, I lived in Nazi Germany and then I had to get out.

Did she have to get out because she was Jewish or she had to get out because of.

I got to be honest, she was a little defensive about the whole thing.

So I think it might have been some Nazi roots in there somewhere.

Right.

I don't know.

But she fucking hated Putin.

Like, hated him.

She was like, he's he's another one she's like i i fucking hate that guy there's a lot of nazis in the news lately you know remember kanye did you hear about him what he said on the podcast yeah but he's just insane right did you listen to that like how can you hold this man accountable he's an insane person i think it's i think that that's an easy out though then for anybody just to be like well uh you know say whatever you want and you and you pay no price then because you're that's what i've been trying to go with

like he said that hitler wasn't a bad dude or something like that

like what a stance

Like soundbite after soundbite after soundbite.

He's doing it in the news.

I don't know why he's doing it, except he seems nuts.

Yeah, I think he just wants to fucking burn everything.

Yeah.

He just wants to burn it all, man.

We're burn it all almost.

He's uncancelable.

Oh,

he was wrong.

Do you think he's canceled, though?

I mean, I'll bet you Kanye fans, for the most part, are still Kanye fans.

I don't think he could set up any kind of way now to sell

himself to anybody anymore.

Well, oh, you're talking like the sponsors,

like selling concerts and shit like that.

There's no coming back now, I don't think.

God damn, he's only got a billion, too.

What's he going to do?

Yeah, just cash out, man.

I mean, he, whether or not he likes it, he cashed out by saying all that shit, I guess.

Yeah, that's pretty, that's a pretty odd.

I mean, is there anybody more reviled than suicide by Nazi?

Yeah.

Right?

Yeah, pretty much.

You just say that, and you're like, it's over.

Yeah, but I would just, my first thing would be like,

he's pro-Hitler.

If it wasn't like, look, if it's a guy in a fucking bar, I'm like, oh, we're dealing with a real fucking, not like, this guy's a piece of shit.

But if it's like someone of Kanye status, I'm like, he's got to be crazy.

Because.

Who the fuck would say that?

Now, are they less likely to...

Like, Madonna's been acting pretty crazy lately.

She's off her fucking rocker now?

That's what I keep hearing.

Really?

Why?

What'd she do?

I haven't heard anything about her in a long time.

She's stopped posting pictures of herself that have been fucking filtered and photoshopped to oblivion.

So you're just like, you're a 65-year-old woman, like, age gracefully, man.

She's got all this weird makeup on.

She's got bondage outfit on, all this other shit.

She was on Jimmy Fallon not too long ago within the past year or two, like diving on the desk, trying to act all sexy and shit.

So

she's just trying to act like she did in the 80s.

Yes.

Okay, and

you call that crazy, though.

You're comparing that to fucking crazy.

No, no, no.

I'm saying she's been acting wacky lately.

What if she goes the Kanye route?

Oh, well, I mean, she'll

find the same cancelization waiting for her.

She's more beloved than Kanye.

And people will be like, she's never been wacky like this, so maybe there's something going on with her.

People never give you the benefit of the doubt.

Like, Britney Spears was obviously nuts when she was shaving her head and hitting cars with umbrellas and shit.

Yeah.

But people love to watch that fucking disintegration.

That's the the car wreck.

And

the human being loves to watch somebody else's downfall.

But it was only

affected her, whereas this affects other people.

Like Kanye saying this kind of shit.

Like if Kanye was shaving his head and hitting cars with umbrellas, I don't think people would bat an eye.

But the Nazi shit, for whatever reason, really.

Well, who do you think that's affecting?

What, the Kardashians?

They won't get their fucking alimony.

Whoever get their.

That's what it affects like Jewish people.

Oh, okay.

All right.

I thought you meant like the poor Kardashians won't get the

child supported, like the $20,000 or $200,000 he has to give her every month.

Oh, I saw that.

So I'm like, yeah.

So

do you think that's the cause of it?

He's just like, I'm not going to be able to pay that.

So I'm just going to go out the next day and say this.

He can pay it.

It's only like

in half a year, right?

It's nothing to him.

That's nothing to him.

But maybe he doesn't want to pay it.

Maybe he's just like, that's insanity.

But he like had his own school for a little while, like some academy, and they closed that down all of a sudden.

Can you imagine it's like, oh man, it must be prestigious.

It's Kanye school.

And then he starts spouting all this fucking Nazi shit.

Well, yeah, I mean, breaking down, wearing masks in public all the time.

Hold on.

I want to do the math on this.

Okay.

$200,000 a month?

Yeah.

What's up?

That's a lot.

$1.2.

$2.4.

Right.

That's nothing to him.

Now it might be, though.

I think that he's a billionaire.

I think he has, they said he's upwards of a billion dollars.

So that's,

you know, how long has he got to do it?

18 years?

Or how many years?

How many more years?

I think the kids are like four and five now.

Okay, so times

12 years, let's say.

It is weird, too, though.

Like, I mean, I guess I understand it on like,

you know, what's good for this one, it's good for that one.

But it's like

the mother of these children does not need $200,000 a month.

Yeah, that's right.

For fucking child support, man.

Are you fucking kidding me?

This woman who is a fucking billionaire is now like, you owe me money for these kids.

And not only just money, money that like families of four could live on for like three years.

Oh, yeah.

Wow.

I never thought of that.

That's pretty crazy.

Yeah.

But

it's almost like though, it's such a small amount of money to these people that you're surprised they're even like dealing with this at all.

I was telling when this story broke, I was here talking to Ginem about the Kanye thing.

It's like, I said, I don't think I've ever heard a Kanye song to my knowledge.

I said, I don't know.

I'm a fair gold digger.

You must have.

Well, he played it.

He played me.

He immediately YouTubed a Saturday Night Live performance.

And I'm watching it.

And the first thing and the only thing I can think of is

his performance reminded me like something a Yoko Ono would have done in the 60s, like some annoying, avant-garde, artistic, like, I'm an artiste,

and you're not.

Right.

You're a hack.

That's what it sounded like to me, whatever he was doing on Saturday Night Live.

It was so bad.

I don't know what the song was, though.

Gidden would know.

But it was like real, like,

almost like,

like I said, like trying to be

an artist, quote unquote, I'm an artist.

People get into their own fucking heads, man.

I never had it.

And it's tough, though,

when you're Kanye and everyone's like, oh, by the way, you're fucking awesome.

I mean, well, look who I'm talking to.

I never had a Kanye album.

My buddy Nick Givenetti said he's one of the best.

He's like, he's one of his albums, his great albums, or like some of the greatest albums.

So

I guess the takeaway, like, he's just that talented and that good.

Like, that's why he's who he is.

You know,

I don't, I was, I've never, I don't know how many Kanye songs I've listened to in my entire life, so I never got it, but apparently he's one of the best that ever, that ever rhymed.

Yeah, a couple years ago, like, right when the pandemic started, I think he came out with an album, and I was, they were doing on Jim and Sam.

They were playing cuts of it, and I was like, who likes this shit?

I mean,

the world.

A lot of people.

I heard the Swifties took over the Kanye website.

Oh, really?

Yeah, with

support of Holocaust survivors and this.

Oh, that's positive.

That's kind of stuff.

Yeah.

Also, they hacked the site.

I don't know if they hacked it.

I think they'll just swamp it until it overloads.

How the fuck is anti-Semitism making a comeback?

Is it, though?

I hear about it all the fucking time now, so I guess.

I'm hearing about it, but like, again, in everyday life, I don't run across people.

No, but I don't really

run across anybody to begin with.

I mean, I would have to guess you only

run run across Sage and Maryback.

Well, my cats are an antiseptic wall.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're right.

I'll run across anybody.

In fact, it was just a big conversation about that today.

It's

me not leaving the house ever, just constantly carrying boxes from the garage.

It's like this never-ending series of boxes.

Oh, that's horrible.

I know.

It's terrible.

Yeah, so I guess they're saying what I'm hearing is, and my buddy Eric, he's Jewish, and he's like, yeah, he's like, it's a worrying trend right now.

And you're like, Jesus, man, like, how does this happen?

But are they getting got?

Are they like, is it like the Asians who are getting punched out every fucking two seconds for no reason?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Because I don't know.

Sunday Jeff said there have been customers are ruder to him where he works at.

Get out of here.

Yeah.

They know he's Jewish?

No.

He can walk around with a chain with him.

No, he just works in the, you know, in the

service industry.

You know, and people hear like, well, you're, you know, to fix your car, it's going to be, you know, thousands of dollars.

You know, they, they take take it out on him really yeah

they take it out on sunday jeff yeah poor sunday yeah i don't believe this for a second

why

because he's the guy that's got to give him the bill

wait oh wait so is sunday is

he's anti-semitic or no he's facing he's facing a lot of abuse at work he said lately oh so he's overcharging people to get back at them no no he's overcharging

about it he just said lately he's been more so than ever though he's found that people are ruder to him at work.

Huh.

When he tells them the prices of things,

he's the one that has to face it.

But he didn't say it's because he was Jewish, right?

He didn't say it because it was Jewish.

I didn't.

All right.

Now it's all making sense.

For a second, I was like, what the fuck is going on here?

Oh, poor Sunday, man.

Do those people know who they're talking to?

Imagine being mean to Sunday, Jeff.

No, no who they're talking to, man.

No, fucking Jeff.

Fucking American treasure.

I can't even imagine being mean to anybody.

Oh, I can.

Yeah.

Yeah, sure.

Like, what do you mean?

You know, mean to people who treat you like you're an asshole, like out in public, you know?

Oh, I mean, I guess so.

But I mean, I don't think that's being mean so much as like

defending, you know, sticking up for yourself.

Oh, so you're saying, like, oh, going out of your way to be mean?

Yeah, like, like, if I, like, I've got.

It's too much energy, man.

It's too much energy, man.

Like, yeah, it's like, fuck it.

Like, unless you really dislike somebody and you're getting revenge, which, again, doesn't really fall under the definition of being mean.

No, that's, you know, probably justified, I guess, in a certain way.

Yeah.

Just be nice, man.

Yeah, that's what we're all about here.

Being nice and talking about the weather.

Who said that?

I just heard that.

Oh, Will Smith said that.

Shut the fuck up, Will Smith.

Dude, I heard they were playing clips on it on Howard Stern of his Apology.

Have you guys seen this?

He went on, I guess, the Daily Show and stuff like that.

And

it sounded like a mess.

He was like, you know, people going through stuff, you know, and I'm going through through stuff, you know, and we just got to be nicer to each other.

And it's like, wait, what?

You're the one who smacks somebody.

Yeah, like, why do I got to be nicer to anybody?

Dude, I wanted to rear-end a car the other day.

They had a bumper sticker on it.

It said, do better.

I was like, fuck you.

You don't know how well I'm fucking doing.

You don't know what good I'm doing.

Who the fuck are you to tell anybody to do?

Oh, it's such a self-righteous, like.

It's so sanctimonious, man.

I'm like, is it worth denting my car just to fucking give this somebody, this asshole, a little bit of weight left?

Do better.

Do better.

Yeah, but the only bumper sticker on the car, too.

Yeah.

It's like I could take it if it was like do better, coexist.

I'm like, all right, this person is just one of those peace nick types.

Yeah.

Simply do better.

It's just a finger wagger.

Yeah.

Correcting me.

That's one way to look at it.

Why don't we pick it up from a different handle this holiday season?

Yeah.

What if we didn't look at it as a like a

chide?

What if we looked at it as like a like a friendly reminder from a friendly face?

Like, hey, you're good, but you can always do a little bit better.

That's not what the bumper sticker says.

No, it's just like, do better.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're not doing well enough.

You're not doing good enough.

Do better.

Might as well say, fuck you.

And you know what they're talking about.

They're not talking about in your personal life.

What are they talking about?

They're talking about like all the fucking social woke shit.

That's what they're talking about.

That's exactly what they're talking about.

Do you think you're not doing well enough in terms of fucking A, B, C, and D.

Everybody's marginalized.

And you're the fucking reason for it.

Well, how could you do better?

I don't know.

Let's talk it out.

Let's work it out.

How could you do better?

There's nobody to fucking victimize in my house.

You know, like Walt said, I'm there constantly.

So I don't run across any transgenders I could victimize or gay people I could fucking harass.

Well, I've seen you around a lot of gays and transgenders.

You've never harassed them or anything like that.

So maybe he's not talking to you.

Like, why do you think he's talking to you about that?

I don't know, because I feel like he's,

I do.

I feel like he's lecturing me.

My whole life was fucking lectured and nagged as a kid, and now I see it everywhere.

Slam into a car.

Yeah, but this one, you're not seeking it out.

But I think sometimes, though, if you seek it out on the internet, though, not you, but other people, if you seek out those articles and stuff, yeah, you're not allowing yourself.

You're allowing yourself to be nagged again, though.

But the bumper sticker is hard because,

you know.

Maybe you should just have turned into a parking lot and let that car get further away.

But here's the thing.

And then you only wait a few minutes.

That's a fun.

But here's the thing.

What if I'm like, you know what?

Let me just pull off so I'm not behind this person.

I give him 60 seconds, right?

I pull back onto the highway and I get fucking T-bone now.

Done an asshole and just fucking minded his own business.

But I could have committed one about my way.

I would argue, like, I'll say, like, maybe in the past few years, you've taken on a certain...

old man raging at the clouds attitude about things, right?

Possibly, maybe skirting into that area a little bit.

Put a side.

But like, there's no, but you don't do anything to hurt anybody.

No.

All I do is rag.

So it's like he's not talking to you.

No, he's saying do better.

Like, whatever I'm doing right now,

which is just not being an asshole to people.

Yeah.

That's not good enough.

Okay.

But I think Q is saying, though, everybody can do better.

It doesn't matter who it is.

It doesn't matter who it is.

It could be the person at the top of their game and their profession.

Go on stage.

Can they do better?

Except for Brady.

Go on.

No, oh my God.

He could do way better than he's doing this year.

I mean,

I sure as hell hope he does better than he's been doing, because if not, then it's going to be a long road.

It's going to be a tough last year for him if he does retire at the end of the year.

So I'm hoping he does better.

But

who amongst us really can say, like, you know what?

That sticker doesn't apply to me.

I've done so much I don't need to do better at A, B, C, or D.

Probably the fucking Sanctimoni's douchebag driving the car feels that way, Which is why they fucking put the bumper sticker on the person.

To remind everyone else.

I want to be clear.

I hate the bumper sticker, and I think the guy who put it on this car is a fucking douchebag.

But I think that the things, what I'm trying to break is your connection to

the bumper sticker.

I don't take it personally.

I don't know why.

That's what I want to get to the bottom of it.

I don't know why you take it personally.

Oh, dude.

Because he knows he's falling short.

He knows he's falling short.

But not in the way that this guy is suggesting.

But in other avenues.

That's why he's so super sensitive to it.

Deep down subconsciously, he knows he's falling short in some area that's bugging him.

Oh, you're right.

You're 100% right.

Oh, yeah, I know that.

But not in the way that I know this person is talking about.

They're not like, you should go into the fucking office and tell him Steve Dave more.

That's not what they're fucking saying.

I don't know if anybody's saying that.

Walt certainly does.

I don't, yeah, like, but like that person,

that person who put that do better sign on there, yeah, they're, they're looking for you to perform better in a way you may never even have, uh, even contemplated,

you know, but that's the beauty, that's the magic of the do better sticker.

You don't know how it's going to affect the person, you know, driving behind you.

I need one.

You need to get a tattoo of it.

I want to tell other people, like, hey, you should do better.

I'm going to start telling people to do better.

Yeah, yeah.

I love it.

I want to see how it flies.

Do bitter.

Yeah.

I mean, yeah, that's it.

Do bitter.

Somebody make it.

All right, we're making that bumper sticker.

Do bitter?

That's really funny, man.

Do bitter.

Damn.

But if you put that bumper sticker on your car, chances are you're going to be pissing off people just like you.

I would look at it and be like, oh, fuck off.

So I rolled out my window.

I'd be like, I'm not going to fuck off until you do better.

Roll it right back up.

So maybe that, like, maybe the guy's like a fucking troll of the highest order.

Maybe he's like you.

He's got sea lioned me.

He's got sea lion.

God damn it.

He saw that bumper sticker on some fucking purple-haired college student's fucking like car and was like, oh, fuck you.

Put it on his car.

And he's like, I'm going to piss everybody off.

And now it's working.

You know who's going to get mad?

Like, old white guys.

Yeah.

He's doing it.

He's winning.

He caught me.

He won.

You got cut.

Congratulations.

Son of a bitch.

Well played.

Well played bumper sticker uh usually we don't like aside from like meundis we don't really have people that can vouch for products right uh

other than the ones we give care of you know care of raycon like raycons yeah like stuff that they give us to try out fresh print not fresh prints uh fresh meats or what's it called or green fresh direct fresh direct fresh no green green fresh say the wrong one green chef green chef there's so many come on man i have that couch i reading on that couch.

Yeah, borrow.

Borrow.

We're persona.

We are.

Yeah.

We're public enemy number one after the one ad we did.

Well, I mean, I'm giving them a free plug right now because I was sitting on that couch reading today.

It's very comfortable.

See, all right, I'm not going to bring it up to her because

I was just about to bring up some Kanye stuff.

But anyway, we have people who have actually used this.

And long before we even started pimping them, the ant-owned

American Musical Supply, Victor and Alex, Victor told me, or Alex told me rather, that he was like, Victor gets all his stuff from there.

He always has.

Because it's top quality.

That's right, man, with good prices.

American Musical Supply is your one-stop shop for all your audio and musical supply needs with gear for guitarists, drummers, vocalists, DJ, home

recording enthusiasts, and podcasters.

American Musical Supply has all the equipment for sounding great.

They're stocked with the latest and greatest gear from today's top brands like Gibson, Yamaha, Shore, and Zoom, to name a few.

And whether you are a beginner or a seasoned pro,

AmericanMusical.com has a variety of products to suit every skill level.

Can't afford it?

Oh, yes, you can.

They offer payment plans between four and 18 months.

Go into debt with American Musical Supply if you're going to go into debt with anyone.

You're pre-approved on four to six-month payment plans with no credit check.

Use an existing credit card.

You're not even required to open a new one.

So shop at AmericanMusical.com.

You can expect fast and free shipping on nearly all products with top gear in stock at four warehouses across the U.S.

Most U.S.

deliveries take only one or two days.

And they have over 30 years of award-winning customer service.

Their gear experts are standing by and love to help you find the recording production and performance essentials.

So visit AmericanMusical.com today.

Is it American Musical?

American Musical.

Yeah.

Okay.

And that's an ant.

That's an ant owned.

That's an ant owned and operated.

Yep.

Apply promo code T-E-SD at checkout for $20 off a purchase of $100 or more.

That's $20 off using the promo code T-E-S-D at AmericanMusical.com.

You like Alex and Victor.

Cool, man.

Why don't you?

I wonder if I can get a harmonica there.

A mouth harp.

Should.

Wait a second.

That's called something else, isn't it?

I thought we were getting off that.

Do you know how to play the harmonica?

No, no.

You want to learn?

I don't know.

I mean, I think my odds of ever learning a musical instrument are pretty low these days.

You waited too long to pick up the title.

And I have no ear for it or talent for it.

Like, I have no natural talent, but I figure.

I'm not sure if you say that, though.

I don't.

What about you thinks you aren't capable of writing a hit song?

Okay, that's an interesting question.

I think that I don't understand.

Let's go with this.

I think that I don't understand even song structure or

like I was we wrote a song on the TV show with a buddy of mine and he

you know I just wrote up some bullshit.

It's comedy.

It's bullshit.

So I just wrote it up and he was changing the words because he goes, no, this ending of this needs to connect to the ending of this and this word sounds better to the ear.

And like he's a songwriter and fucking.

Right, but he took your work and just slightly altered it.

Showing you that you have the skills.

Yeah, all right.

But I think his talent level was so high that he was able to take something that I shit out and made it passable.

That's, I think, happened.

All right, so we'll take a guess.

There's a whole bunch of different ones.

There's different price ranges

of harmonicas.

Oh, harmonica.

Oh, yeah, I'm sure.

A harmonica is a very

intricate instrument.

You know, it's made out of metal, right?

So it's got to be forged.

Bass 58 harp orchestral.

This top-of-the-line model is developed in close cooperation with leading international players to create a high-end professional instrument.

Combining blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Normally, $2,100.

Whoa.

But you can go to AmericanMusical.com and get it for only $1,400.

Come on, you can be Q.

You could drop it.

You could, you could swing it.

Just do it.

Play some songs for us.

Why don't you start with?

Don't go for the high-end harmonica immediately.

Get yourself a kazoo.

A kazoo?

Yeah, learn that.

Master.

Master that.

Well, it's blowing into a plastic.

How much is a high-end kazoo?

Like $1.29.

It's got to be professional kazoos, right?

You're not even playing.

He's just murdering that noise.

Every time he thinks he says something funny.

Brings it on to the show.

This is my new thing.

I'm just going to be doing this from now on.

um all right high quality kazoo on amazon

uh all right about 14 bucks there you go you start

no but if i'm gonna if i'm gonna jump in to the harmonica i would want to start with the the best of the best i want to learn on the best you see but when i hear harmonica i instantly think of music that

nobody wants to listen to yeah that nobody really cares about you i haven't i don't remember hearing i can't remember any songs from my youth.

Blues Brothers?

Blues Traveler?

Okay, yeah, yeah.

Go on.

Name another one, please.

You could get a pretty decent harmonica cube between $200 to $400 to spending on how much, depending on how much you're.

If I was going to do it, I need the $2,100 one.

I don't even want to put anything.

You don't even want to?

You don't want the American Musical Discount?

I just want him to send it to me for free.

I don't want to do it.

I'm not paying for it.

Yeah.

No, I like blues.

I listen to blues music, a lot of blues music.

Okay, if you're into the blues, I guess the harmonica is the instrument that

is integral to the blues.

It's never not welcome in the blues song.

Right.

But like in top 40 music, though, I can't remember harmonica being that

incredible.

That's the blues traveler.

That's the last one.

Yeah, I mean, Tom Betty used to rip out a

harmonica and blast one on Sunday.

Dave John does too.

Yeah.

He has that harmonica holder that he puts on.

But Billy Joel?

Yeah, Billy Joel.

So, you know, he plays a harmonica too.

He plays harmonica, yeah.

Yeah, a piano man has a big harmonica in the beginning, right?

So I can never, but there's no saying, I don't think, even if I had the best of the best harmonica, I don't think I would be able to learn to play it in a satisfying way.

We could sit around your fire pit, you could play it.

Yeah.

You know, like we're in leadership.

You could hire somebody to.

Broke back mountain action.

Yeah.

That's fire.

It's cozy.

But you could hire somebody to take what you're on the road to teach you.

Yeah.

If you you were to really be committed to it and put like eight to ten hours a day into it.

So like I officially have too much money.

Now I got a harmonica guy that hangs out with me all the time.

It's my harmonica guy.

Yeah, like skip like, because my thing was like I just watch YouTube videos.

A lot of breathing exercises you probably have to take.

Oh, really?

I haven't thought of that.

Might have to cut down on like, you know, on maybe some alcohol consumption because I don't know if this is Walt's roundabout way of getting you to stop drinking by taking off the harmonica.

I kept my promise.

No, yeah, thanks.

I had one glass of wine for the toast, and then I was like, you know what, I want to go back to Walt and tell him that I didn't.

Oh, nice.

You know what?

That's.

There you go, man.

Yeah.

What about Black Friday?

No, none of that.

Okay.

All right.

So now we're up to 48.

How about

Saturday Platform?

Hold on.

I went out to dinner last night with Kane, hottest in town, and I had two glasses of wine there.

But I think my days of drinking and drinking are over.

Nice.

Yeah.

And it feel better, right?

Because the last couple of times you've wandered into

the studio, you couldn't find your way in, and

you wandered out.

Yeah, you looked, you looked like

you were feeling

physically

a little run down from the drinking.

I was really completely heartbroken.

Yeah.

And now I just actually said to Stacey, we were driving down here.

I was like, I was like, I'm feeling

starting to feel like I'm moving into the next stage of

accepting.

So

I think the alcohol became a little bit of a crutch for a while there.

And I didn't like the way it felt, and I didn't like the way it made me act.

So I think that's over.

What were you doing?

How are you acting?

Went out and beat up some cats.

I screamed at Sunday Jeff.

He gave you that.

Why is this transmission so much?

You fucking me.

I thought we were fried.

Hey, Sunday, Jeff.

Oh, sorry, bro.

One of those meeps.

Yeah, yeah.

It just wasn't myself.

I was just people.

Okay, well, I'm glad to hear that.

You're thinking you're on a different.

I don't think that I

honestly don't feel I will ever be drunk drunk in public again for the rest of my life.

Yeah.

Someone's laughing at me.

Excluding driving holes.

All right.

Well, that's good.

That is a grand.

That is a grandma.

You know, we're going back to Key West eventually.

Gigantic state home argument.

Yeah.

No, no, no, no caveats, Q.

Come on, Q.

Remain cheap.

You will also be a good bus.

Not drunk, though.

Not drunk.

Okay.

All right.

So now for the rest of your life, you will never be seen in public drunk.

Drunk.

I believe so.

Yeah.

You got to give it up for that.

Well, I want to see.

I want to see on the news tomorrow like a practical joker curses out Jews and time swearing.

All right.

And then we'll work on

in private.

Well, I don't drink that much really anymore.

So yeah.

Well, you know, you go to a friend's house, you have a couple of brews, but I think being drunk is just not for me anymore.

A nice buzz.

As you get older, I feel that's the case.

It's just like your body just can't handle it.

Yeah.

That's the way I feel anyway.

Like I hardly ever, ever drink.

Hardly ever.

But when I do, it's like

one or like two or three drinks and I can start to feel it.

And it's like, you're right.

It's like you feel it, like it weighs heavy on you.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's the end of an era, man.

It's good.

I think it's good.

It's a good thing, yeah.

I mean, don't look at it as the end of an era.

Look at it as the beginning of a new era.

I fucking love this man.

I'm doing better.

You're doing doing better.

Doing better.

Stick her nose.

You see, like over there, doing better.

On this side of the table, doing better.

It's like, fuck it, we should be in highlights for children.

Speaking of American musical, I saw the American musical last week.

Excuse me, I'm a voice cracker.

The Rockettes.

You went?

Yeah, I went.

How was it?

It's awesome, right?

Like, it's a a fun show.

If you fall asleep multiple times,

can you still say it was awesome?

Wouldn't be my definition of it.

But I fell asleep a couple times, and I was just like, wow, I fell asleep three times.

But it was still what I saw was okay.

Yeah.

But still the life's the high kick.

It's kicking around, right?

Yeah, at the end of the day, it's just, you know, it's that's...

It's just what you expect.

I feel like you didn't go for you.

No, I didn't go for me.

Who'd you go for?

I took my mom.

Yeah.

Yeah, my wife.

Your mom liked it?

Yeah, my mom liked it.

She didn't fall asleep, right?

No, she stayed awake.

She stayed awake the whole time.

Oh, my son.

Yeah, but

they did some drone

effects.

Oh, get out of here, really?

Yeah, these ice fairies were flying around overhead.

Oh, that's pretty cool.

And they were all on drones.

But before the show began, they said if an ice fairy lands in your lap, you have to treat it very delicately and give it to one of the workers.

Yeah.

So I was expecting these ice fairies to be landing, you know, dive bombing or be close enough where I could grab one.

Yeah.

But it just never happened, though.

You're right over there.

First time here.

Oh, my God.

So you thought you were going to land an ice fairy?

Yeah, but you know what?

The warnings were

unnecessary because there was no ice fairies that hit the crowd at all.

No.

Just the ones in the chorus line.

I saw Metallica do a drone thing.

They did what?

A drone thing at a show I was at once.

And it was right above their head.

It wasn't like high up in the air.

And one or two went down.

So maybe they're just like it just happened.

They were filming with drones?

Is that what they were doing?

No, no.

The drones did a light show.

Like they formed birds above them and stuff like that.

Sam.

It was fucking really cool, man.

It was in Vegas.

It was indoors.

So it was like fucking pretty sweet.

They released a new song, right?

Yeah, they got a new album coming.

They're going on tour again.

Yeah.

I'm excited about it.

I'm wearing my metallic shirt on.

Yeah, so it's rocking.

I'll go see him on tour, man.

They're doing two shows in every town, two nights in every town, and each night they're not repeating the same song.

Oh, that's pretty cool.

Yeah, so I'm like, fuck, I want to go, man.

Two shows?

Can you do two shows?

Yeah.

Without drinking.

Yeah, yeah, I think I would be down for that.

Because how many more times?

I've seen Metallica maybe five, six times in my life.

How many more times am I going to see him before they pull up before they retire?

So I would go for the two-nighter.

Okay.

Yeah.

Sure, there's some sort of VIP package I can

wrangle up.

I'm sure they'll do.

Oh, I don't know if they're doing stadiums.

Will they do Giant Stadium or will they do

or will they do the garden or will they do?

If I'm Metallica, I'm doing the Giant Stadium, right?

If this is the last tour.

Oh,

I said that.

Oh, yeah.

Gotcha.

But either way, Metallica, they're not.

They're going to.

They're going on the road with Pantera, I think.

That's the double bill.

Yeah.

Who's playing guitar for Pantera?

Oh, I have no idea.

Oh, I bet you it's Zach Wilde.

Maybe I'm wrong now.

I could be wrong, but I thought it was Pantera I heard, but I could be wrong.

I'd like to see Pantera too.

Fuck yeah.

Yeah.

Some metal shit right there.

Q, you wouldn't know this, so I'm going to have to ask Walt,

when do you know the honeymoon is over?

When you start asking questions.

The simple asking of that question means it's over.

I think you know when it's over

and you have to just like

a lot of things, you have to be straight enough with yourself

to recognize it

and accept it.

And be like, this is going to be ongoing.

Yeah.

All right.

Because last night Mary Beth was making my dinner for me

and

it was easy.

It was like a sandwich and some crispy crowns, which are like tater tots.

And she's making them, and I'm upstairs, and I hear like,

I can hear a dish break.

And she's like, God damn it.

And then she calls me downstairs.

She's like, babe, can you come downstairs?

And then goes on to explain that, you know, the bowl, this little glass bowl broke right next to my dinner.

Oh.

And she turns the light on, and literally the broken bowl is on my dinner.

The glass shards are plenty.

Right.

Yeah.

And she's like, oh, okay.

I didn't see the bowl on it.

I was just going to ask you what you thought.

And I'm like, did you seriously call me down here to ask me if I'm willing to risk ingesting shards of glass so you don't have to make more Krispy Crowns?

Like, what the fuck?

And she's like, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm like, no, you don't.

There's no sorry here.

I was like, you were like, should we roll the dice instead of just making more fucking Krispy Crowns?

But she didn't see it like that.

It's It was like Oz vanished.

She was dicy.

She had like glassy food.

Yeah, like really when like when she flicked the light on, that's when she saw the broken bowl.

But prior to that, she knew she'd broken the bowl nearby to dinner.

And I was like, that's that's fucked up.

Yeah.

Was she smoking anything?

Was she on the she was straightened?

She was on the straight and arrow?

She was on the straight and narrow, yeah.

I mean, she's still making the Tato Tatsvia, whatever they're called.

Krispy crowns.

She's still making the Krispy Crowns.

She's just going to want to remake them.

So you're saying that.

Oh, I understand that part.

The part I don't get is like, isn't it like the Krispy Crowns probably take seven to eight minutes?

Yeah.

A trip to the emergency room and all that that entails is going to take a lot longer.

Did you fear you couldn't see?

There would be invisible shards of glass?

Oh, yeah.

I did fear that.

Was it that shattered, the bowl?

Yeah.

The bowl is broken broken pretty good.

I can't believe I'm having this conversation.

Any glass near something I'm about to eat is unacceptable.

You don't find that?

I probably would have done a once-over before.

I probably would have looked to see if I could see any shards, and I probably would have just, you know, if I didn't,

you know, I'd be like, all right, it looks pretty good to me.

I'll take a chance.

Oh, you're crazy.

Was it ceramic or glass?

Glass.

Glasses.

Like those Pyrex glass bowls.

Yeah.

Clear.

Yeah.

I think that she should have.

I don't know if it's related to honeymoons, but she probably should have just restarted.

That's how I felt.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm not going to paint her out to be that bad.

She was really apologetic, but I would just, it did take me aback a little that I was like, I feel like this is not a question you would have asked me a year ago.

You just would have remade the fucking dinner.

Did you levy that at her?

Oh, yeah.

What did she say?

What's her answer?

She said she agreed with everything I said.

Oh, so she's saying the honeymoon's over.

She said, no, I said the honeymoon's over.

Yeah.

But

I'm saying that she

only

was questioning it when she saw the broken bowl on top.

Like, that's when she knew this is too much for even for him to see.

He might notice this.

Yeah, he's going to see a broken bowl on top of his sandwich.

What she could have did, though, was

just be thankful that she just didn't take what, like, clean up the bowl and not even tell you, though.

Yeah, it's brush it off.

That's what I should be thankful for.

Yeah.

That my wife isn't risking my life

for no reason.

Well, I mean, but she could have.

She easily could have just

taken the big chunks off.

Right.

Looked for little shards, a once-over for little shards.

Didn't see any and be like, Brian, dinner's ready.

Right.

And then I'm on a new reality show called I Married a Sociopath.

I don't know.

I don't know.

A lot of people might have just done that, though.

I never would.

Would you do that to Deb if you broke a glass?

You're like, you're bringing her some pudding or something or whatever she likes to eat at night.

Yeah, probably not.

But I could see some people not thinking they got it all, though.

That's fine.

If I was making it for myself, inconceivable.

I would probably be like, let me put it on a new plate and I'll just carefully inspect each one before I eat it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because

I would risk it for myself.

If it was to make it for someone else, I probably would

do it, would restart.

Yeah,

I took serious umbrage to it.

Do you feel well, what does honeymoon mean for you?

What does that mean?

What does that phase mean to you?

I guess it would be almost like nothing's ever wrong.

Like you're always

just getting along and it still feels new and all that kind of stuff.

Yeah.

You're the apple of each other's eye.

Sure.

Yeah.

That's done?

Dobby, and she fucking broke the glass.

You can't go up one thing and declare the whole honeymoon phase over.

No, I mean, we get along really well for the most part.

We had a pretty big blow-up recently

about something that, like, even I'm not going to talk about.

So, oh, boy.

Yeah, so you know it was serious.

Yeah.

But other than that, we got along pretty well.

What do you want?

Oh, no, I'm just saying, but it doesn't have

to have that

fucking intact fucking

digestive system.

But is it ridiculous and

unrealistic to expect the honeymoon phase to last

forever?

It's completely unrealistic.

So, I mean, yeah, that's what I was wondering.

Like, what happened?

What did Debbie try to get you to eat?

You know, because

everybody

just settles in and becomes themselves.

Yeah, I was concerned with that, with myself.

I wasn't sure she was going to go for it, but she seems to be sticking in there.

Do better?

Oh, do a lot better.

You wouldn't believe the shit I do at that house.

That's fucking all I do.

But what do you do for her?

Oh, for her?

Yeah.

All for her.

What do you mean?

This shit isn't for me.

You hated the crooked house.

You hated the crooked house.

I hated the crooked house.

I told her today, though, I was like, I would rather live in the crooked house

than have to deal with all the shit I'm dealing with right now.

Every fucking time I turn around.

I knew that would happen.

Yeah, you're right.

You're right.

It's like fucking,

I call a gutter guy.

Yeah.

I sign up for his fucking gutter program for a year, right?

Yeah.

And

he's like, all right, this means that you're on the priority list.

So we'll be there Saturday.

Now, this is the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.

Okay.

So I'm like, okay, I'll see you Saturday then.

Saturday comes and goes, no call.

Fucking guy doesn't show up.

I'm like, all right, I'll give him the weekend because it's like on or about the 21st.

Sure.

So the 28th comes, I'm like, that's the week.

Right.

So

I called him and gave him some shit.

I was like, look, I'm not going to lie.

I'm fucking really annoyed with you guys right now.

I know you're not the guy that goes out and cleans the gutters, but this is the date you told me.

Then you told me the fucking next.

I'm sorry.

I called and they told me they would be there the next day and then they didn't come the next day either.

You're in your right.

I mean, at a certain point.

And the third call I was going to make, they eventually showed up the next day when I was going to make the third call and say, I'm just contesting the charge.

I don't want to go with you guys anymore.

Wow.

It's that kind of shit where it's like, it can't just be easy.

Or like trying to get fucking speakers put into a room.

The man's like, I want $850.

I'm like.

To do what?

To fucking hang speakers up like a

surround sound type system.

That sounds like a lot.

It does, right?

It sure does.

I was like, fuck no.

He's looking at that house and he's like,

that's what I'm afraid of.

People look at that house, which is like, it's not a fucking mansion or anything.

Yeah, it's a nice house, man.

They see a pool.

They see a fucking hot tub.

They're like, oh, he must have fucking lots of money.

Yeah.

And I just say, we'll overcharge him.

A sucker, Walt.

But did that.

Did that price come with the speakers?

No.

He was like,

that was for wire and labor.

I already had the speakers.

Oh, okay.

Did you, did you, now did you call someone else and get a price check on that?

No, I decide if that's even near the going rate that I don't want that.

You don't want, I don't want anybody to do it.

Just get Bluetooth speakers, not even worry about it.

That's what I should say.

I ended up getting like a so-and-so spawn.

Just get a fucking sound bar and call it.

That's what I got.

Yeah.

That's what I got.

I just got a sound bar and then these two little speakers in the back.

I mean, it could be worse.

You could have to clean your own gutters.

That I would have done it, but it's like, I'm afraid I'm going to fall off.

I'm probably going to fall off.

Yeah.

Not even probably.

You're going to fall off.

Yeah.

So I don't want to do that.

And these guys, like, when I eventually eventually I was watching them, they come in, they got these high-pressure hoses and they wash it.

Yeah, I know.

Like,

I was, I think it's like Edgar's house, like when we used to go up and clean gutters on that.

That was a relatively flat roof.

Who's we?

Me and Edgar.

Oh, okay.

You looked at me.

It's like, I don't remember.

Remember that wall?

Me and you?

No, I don't remember.

The Leaf Brothers?

No.

Leaves.

Yeah.

Who's blown leaves?

Yeah, like I like, there's no way Edgar would have paid anybody to do his gutters, but I'm like,

I'll say it.

I'm afraid.

I don't want to fall off.

Like, I'm going to get hurt.

Are you afraid of heights?

No, I'm not afraid of heights, but I'm afraid of stumbling, like my knee giving out, or my ankle giving out, or the pitch of the roof just being too much for me.

So they send over these strapping youngsters ready to climb up those ladders?

Yeah, these big hulking Russian guys.

Oh, yeah.

Mary Beth, like, blast that gutter.

I was like, why isn't there any glass in their sandwiches?

Can we announce the Christmas episodes coming out, the date?

Sure, of course.

December 15th.

It's dropping on Patreon and Bandcamp.

Patreon and Bandcamp for the annual Christmas show.

Oh, my God.

The expectations, Cube.

I see people online comparing the TSD Xmas special to WrestleMania,

Super Bowl.

Oh, no.

Those are some lofty expectations when you're, what, 13 years in?

Yeah.

It's tough, I think.

Sunday Jeff says it best.

What's there left to talk about?

Yeah.

But we're going to give it a shot.

We're going to give it the

best we can do.

Oh, no.

We're going to give it an honest effort, but 12 years in.

They usually don't give the me a call before.

That's why I'm kind of low energy this episode.

I'm saving it all because we're recording it after this episode.

Yeah.

I'm building up, storing up all my energy so I can be high energy in the next episode.

Okay.

I mean, it's not, so you're saying lower your expectations for the Christmas episode?

No.

No.

I'm not saying that.

I'm saying it's going to be the best Christmas episode ever in the history of TSD Christmas episodes.

And if you miss it,

you know,

it's your own fault and you have no one to blame but yourself.

And if that's why you have a suck-ass Christmas, well, now you know why, because you didn't listen to the TSD Christmas episode of 2022.

Yep.

You don't even know what year it is because that's all I think about is Christmas.

Do better, you jerks.

Yeah, it's going to be on Bandcamp and it's going to be on the Patreon

for Patreon members.

They don't have to go buy it then.

It's nice.

It's a nice saving.

That's a month right there.

If you're on the $5 tier, right?

That's a month right there.

Just go join up for that month, get the Christmas episode, sample some other stuff, and

maybe

you realize that, hey, you know, know, I like this stuff too, and you stick around for more than just a month, you fretty freeloaders.

Yeah, don't be hard on yourself.

Like, look, I've been fucking up for the past four years by not being on Patreon.

I'm a termite.

Yeah, I hate myself.

All that stuff.

Don't think about that.

We'll still take that.

December 15th.

December 15th.

December 15th is the day.

10 days before Christmas.

That gives a lot of, I figured, 10 days for people to listen to it

before Christmas.

Yeah.

To

find the spirit and to find

that evil tide.

Yeah.

But

it's going to be a shindig.

I'm excited.

I got it.

You told us to get gifts for each other.

No video this year, though.

No video this year.

No, strictly audio, because I feel like when we go strictly audio, it feels more old school, feels more true

TSD vibes.

And we just don't have enough time to edit a video.

Really, Chuck?

I don't know.

Chuck's not dependable.

No.

It's just too much to ask somebody to get it, to get it all cut up and everything by December 15th.

To do it right.

I see.

I bet you Chuck could have pulled it over.

He could have.

I'm sure he could have.

Chuck's the fucking man, bro.

I think it was mostly because of your schedule, wasn't it?

Well, you're leaving, too.

I'm leaving, too.

Yeah, so we wouldn't have done video this week, though.

No, no.

No.

Yeah, so

mark your calendars.

Okay,

so marked.

All right.

Anything else?

The only thing I had on my little list of things here is there's a tortoise that's 190 years old.

He's the oldest living creature on Earth.

Wow.

That's a land creature, sorry.

Yeah, like lobsters can live, right?

Yeah.

Where is this thing?

This guy, he's in.

His name is Jonathan the Tortoise, oldest living land animal.

Hold on because fucking the post is not very friendly to my iPad.

He first arrived in his current home on the island of St.

Helena in the South Atlantic in 1882 as a gift to the governor of the island, which is a British territory.

And at that time, he was already thought to be 50 years old.

Wow.

He's outlived his.

They said they thought that he would only live to be about 140, but

what is it about the tortoise that allows it to live that long?

I don't know.

It's pretty nice.

Would you inject tortoise

DNA?

DNA into your body?

What are the side effects?

We don't know.

Do I grow a shell?

No.

Do you start turtling unexpectedly?

Yeah, I mean, the answer to that is, yeah, I would do anything to kind of extend life.

But Gatam is the one who said that you should do it.

Well, no, he also has the injection that he got from Mexico.

Gatum is like,

I believe that

if you inject tortoise antibodies into your bloodstream, I've been doing it for years.

You could live longer.

Oh, so you need a doctor to tell you to do this?

Yeah, probably, I guess.

On this one, I might need a doctor on it.

But you know what?

Doctors are, you know, they want to study it.

They want to do tests.

Sure.

Yeah, I know.

It's just a big waste of time.

Like, the whole idea is to extend his life, not to shoot.

And by the time they approve it, you're in your 70s.

And well, you could do it now and get a head start and remain, you know, youthful,

Well into your

130s.

How did he extract the DNA from the tortoise DNA?

He went up to the turtle bag zoo.

Okay.

And when nobody was looking, he grabbed a syringe and just drew some blood from the tortoise's leg.

And now he's got one vial left.

He just wants it to be your Q's vial.

I couldn't do that.

The side effect is that your hands and feet become like tortoise skin.

Yeah.

So green and scaly.

Yeah, more of a grayish green.

Well, feet I don't really care about.

Like, I could just wear socks.

Right.

It might even be nice in the pool.

You know?

Could be, yeah.

Hands.

So the trade-off is I'm living to 190 in my current age.

That's a good trade-off, though.

But I got

scaly hands.

I would probably do it.

I just wear gloves.

Kane wears gloves all the time because he burned his hands.

Sure, yeah, yeah.

Cane.

Cane.

Oh, I think he said the cane.

I was like.

Yeah, he wasn't wearing them last night, but yeah, he does often wear gloves.

I would do it, I would take that.

Sure, fuck, why not?

And then somebody asked, like,

why are you wearing gloves all the time, Q, even in the pool?

I'm like, I'm part tortoise.

Let him off for me, man.

I'm fucking part tortoise.

What are you talking about?

Well, how did you, what happened?

What do you mean you're part tortoise?

He's like, look, Genim went to the turtleback zoo.

Who's Ghinim?

This whole story I'm trying to say.

My office coach.

Wait, wait, he's not a doctor?

No, no, no, no.

Strictly speaking, speaking, no.

What am I going to wait?

70?

In as much as he's in my office giving me medical advice, yes, he's a doctor.

I think I would be free and open with it, maybe.

Maybe don't hide it.

Just be like, because now everybody I know is going to die.

But then get him arrested for definitely, you know.

But it works?

It works, but he can't just inject.

People would turtle antibodies and get away with it.

I won't rat out who did it.

Okay.

But I'll be upfront.

I'll be like, look,

you may be noticing my hands.

It's because I'm going to live till I'm 190 at least.

And the trade-off is scaly hands.

I got injected with tortoise demons.

Now, this conversation happened only a week after you took the serum, though.

It's not like been proven at all in any way, shape, or form.

But I got the hands, though.

The only thing that's happened so far is your hands are deformed.

It's weird.

It wasn't always up to my elbow before.

I'm starting to get nervous.

Yeah, maybe I should have waited

for that

Dr.

Giddam.

I don't know why I let this guy

know what I was thinking.

It sounds stupid.

Giddam, you've got to come up with an anecdote.

Check it with human blood, quick.

No, no, no.

Flamingo blood, cue.

That's the way you can neutralize it.

Yeah.

Wow.

But I would take the trade-off if it was possible.

If it worked.

Yeah, I think most people would.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a sweet deal.

Yeah.

So your hands are a little messed up, whatever.

And for a dude, it's definitely no big deal.

Girls, it may be a different story, though, if they got to walk around with nasty feet and hands.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Because they care so much about their shoes.

They, you know, how much they spend on their nails.

Yeah.

How much they, you know, they they think that, you know, it's such an important part of their

makeup is their hands and their nails.

Like, who does that?

I love the passive aggression.

Subtle like these fucking bitches.

Well, it's crazy.

Like, they spend on nails.

How much is your nails?

No, I, well, I know Mrs.

Fife does, hold on.

Yeah, I've brought Sage and Marybeth, like, you know, and dropped them off and got their nails done, and it's like, it's fucking expensive.

Yeah, it's not like 10 bucks.

No, especially if you get like gel nails.

Like, I guess that's like a harder nail that stays longer or something.

It's like fucking always like $100 a person.

Holy shit.

They're doing it for you.

Yeah, $100 a person.

Wow.

How often you got to do it?

Once a month or something like that?

$1,200 a year.

Also, I think if the gel nails, you can get them, like if they chip, you can get them repaired, I think.

Okay.

That kind of stuff.

Right?

And there's no nail polish on the planet that's going to make your tortoise hands look better.

No.

You're stuck with those green hands.

Would you be okay with a handy with somebody who had tortoise hands?

Is it cue?

No, it's

not going to get my vironic out here.

I'm assuming it's very bad.

She got the injury.

She took Giddam's advice.

Oh, she took it in.

She's now one of Giddam's patients.

Am I a patient or no?

You were smart enough to like.

I'm going to hold off on this.

For some reason, it wants to be 190.

I mean, if she's like, tortoise skin,

and she kind of talks slow, too, like a tortoise now, like, Brian.

Right.

Your

bowl.

That's okay.

Right?

I guess so.

Come here and give me a handy.

It's the slowest handy in the world.

It's like,

you like that?

Feeling

good?

Oh, yeah.

I'm so happy that you drained it all the way.

Where do you want to shoot

next

holiday?

Tell your brother to wear

sleeves.

Sleeves.

Get those boxes out of the garage.

Can you only tell me necessary stuff from now on?

Anything else?

Just write it down.

The honeymoon is over.

She's just in the pool.

She's swimming around.

No.

She's more tortoise than woman.

Look,

Brian, no

wrinkles.

Yeah.

I mean, you got me there.

You didn't argue it.

And if I did, it would take me an hour.

You call me to complain.

I'm like, hey,

bud.

Mary Beth, Q wants to talk to you.

All right.

Anything else?

No.

My only other thing was more of a statement because, Q, I'm sure you don't watch Little House on the Prairie.

Walt, I know you watched it long ago in the middle of the day.

In the past, yeah.

I would never subject myself

in the present, to those episodes.

I am convinced Nellie Olson, who is the daughter of

the local merchant.

The blonde girl.

The blonde girl.

Convinced she's written as a sociopath.

Oh, isn't she totally cruel to you?

She's beyond mean.

Yeah.

She's crazy.

Yeah.

Like there was an episode the other day.

Well, her mom's like really a fucking cunt.

Her mom's a cunt, too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

In the parlance of our times.

I understood what you met.

No, there's an episode where like Laura has this horse.

Nelly wants it.

Nelly somehow gets it and then starts like whipping the shit out of it, like whipping the horse.

And so the horse like goes crazy and knocks Nelly off.

Nelly breaks her arm or something.

They give the horse back to Laura, but Nelly's like, can't move.

She's paralyzed in the bed.

So the doctor comes by and he's like pressing her toes with a pin and shit and she's not like reacting and uh like she starts campaigning because they gave the horse away to Laura she starts campaigning for the horse to be shot and then it turns out later on spoiler alert everybody from 1975

her

somebody sees her dancing in the window with it with her doll she's like this new doll she just got she's dancing around with it and shit

and she late even after that she goes back in bed pretends she's crippled and still demands that the horse be shot oh Oh, that is fucked up.

It's nuts, right?

Yeah, that's pretty out there.

Yeah, I was like, this is deeper than I thought.

That was an era before there was

medicine to treat people like that, right?

Oh, nuts people

like borderline personality disorder.

Yeah, long before.

She just had to deal with it.

Yeah.

Fucking A.

Yeah, that was it.

I didn't, that's all I want to say.

No legal sense on sociopath.

Yeah, that's it.

All right.

Tell them, Steve, Dave.

Tell them.

Steve.

Dave.