#537: Jive Turkeys

And now I'm like, now I'm like, man, I eat a piece of turkey and I'm like,

what happened?

Like,

what happened?

What chicken?

Hey, what was that girl like the other night?

Pretty high, except her asshole.

Slick turkey, baby.

All the way.

Is there like, do wines be dated?

Do wines be dated?

Yo,

Tell him Steve Dave.

Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave.

I'm here with my fellow podcasters, Walt Flanagan.

Yo.

And BQ.

Hello.

BQ.

You look worse for the wear a little bit.

You look a little sleepy.

Yeah.

You look like you've been out.

I hate to overuse this word gallery.

No, it was a late night.

I was at AEW.

It was at Prudential Center, so I was there.

But then I forgot that I had to be in Manhattan at 8 a.m.

for a charity thing.

That's the time that that thing started?

Yeah.

Holy shit.

So there at 8 on the note?

It was rough.

8.06.

8.06.

I rolled in, yeah.

So it's, it, so I get, I drank too much last night and then didn't get any sleep.

This is like two out of three podza when you've opened up and said that, though.

Dude, I'm on a spiral.

I'm having real fucking problems.

I'm not controlled.

Like, I'm not taking care of myself at all.

No.

Yeah.

I I you know, dude, I haven't had

ever since ever since Benjamin Catt died, like, I haven't had any time,

to process or do it.

So this grief is coming out in weird ways.

Yeah.

Like I just can't, I don't have any time.

I don't have any fucking time to just sit down and think about things and process and shit.

So it's like.

Could be good in a way.

I don't know.

No.

I'm certainly drinking more than I normally do.

Then it's bad in a way.

It's bad.

Yeah.

So

I mean, it's not like, you know, it's not, you know, it's only been two weeks.

It's not like it's like drinking.

I mean, yeah, I mean,

but still, though, two out of three weeks, you've walked in and been like, I'm hungover.

Yeah, it's been pretty bad lately.

It's been a lot.

It's a strange.

What we're saying is this is actually an intervention, not an episode.

But we still want to keep it funny, don't you?

Yeah, all right.

And I was able to do it for years on pills, so you should be able to do it for two weeks on booze.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, that sucks.

Yeah.

So I got that like sickly feeling.

Do you have some downtime coming up with the holidays coming up?

I have,

well, sure.

We shoot Wednesday, Thursday, Thanksgiving, but that's, you know, driving two and a half hours out to my parents and being in a house with my family.

Well, you promise me not to drink on Thanksgiving?

Yeah, I can promise you that.

And Black Friday?

Yeah.

These are not promises I'm going to keep.

But I can promise you anything you want.

No, I'll.

Is it a drinking day for you, the Thanksgiving?

No, it's not.

Because I had, well, this is what I'm talking about, man.

Like, because I was just about to say, because I can never stay over, because I have to get home for Benjamin, because he can't be left alone.

This is what I'm talking about.

Like, I have these moments where I fucking forget that, you know what I mean?

Like, yeah.

So, that was another one that just happened live on air or whatever we're doing here.

So, normally I

come home at night to take care, you know, to take care of the cats.

But you know, you don't have to.

No, I mean, I still have two other, two other cats.

They're just not, they don't have they're not Benjamin always needed needs.

Yeah, yeah.

So, so, it, so

what about after Thanksgiving?

Do you have a work schedule or do you have any downtime after Thanksgiving?

Or are you starting shooting?

No, we're shooting pretty much through up to the holidays.

Up to the Christmas.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's not even just shooting.

It's, you know, we're working on the project, so there's that.

We're crafting a live show.

We're going back on tour next year.

Me, Sal, and Myr are doing the Impractical Jokers tour we're back on.

Tickets on sale now.

Go to Impractical Jokers tour.

A lot of cities.

Yeah.

A lot of people can go and see you.

We released 20.

I think we're doing another 20.

Shit.

But that's fine.

That's fun.

But it's just, you know, it's like all these things are full-time jobs.

Yeah.

And it's like,

you might be stretching yourself too thin.

At the moment, I guess I can handle it.

I just have to take care of myself and do the right thing.

I just need a drink.

Your eyes are squinting while you're talking.

That's unusual.

That's my thing.

That's kind of

the hangover the light.

Turn the lights on.

No, I got sunglasses.

I can put these on.

I mean, we could turn the lights out and go by television light.

This is not normal, though.

Now you're podcasting with sunglasses because you can't open your eyes because you're so over.

That's like rock star podcasting, man.

Yeah, it is, but you see rock stars flame out, though.

Yeah.

What do you think you're watching?

What do you think we're in the middle of right here, buddy?

Oh, my God.

No, I'll be okay.

I just gotta, I just gotta, I just gotta,

I, I just gotta get my gumption up and running.

I, I, I just, I don't have anything now.

I'm just like, everything, I'm on autopilot, and there's always things to do.

So it's just go to the next thing, go to the next thing, go to the next thing.

So I don't really have to think.

I haven't worked out at all in three or four weeks.

I haven't done anything like that.

Like, I'm just, it's just like,

but all it takes is for me to be like, all right, I've had enough of this and just turn it around.

It's not like it's a

problem.

All right.

Trust you.

I don't know.

I did hear through the grapevine.

I'm not going to

reveal who,

but you were experiencing some stress recently.

Yeah.

IJ-related stress, maybe, maybe the schedule or something.

Yeah,

it's, you know, the pandemic.

The pandemic, you know, really changed me.

It's like, I don't, I

sat on my ass for two years and loved it.

Yeah, that was awesome.

Yeah.

And now we're just back to it.

But I'm incredibly grateful,

that we're still making the show.

So it's not like I hold anything.

It's an abundance of good things.

Yeah, it doesn't sound like there's anything bad going on.

I mean, aside from the obvious, you know, like,

but work-wise,

it's all good.

It's all good.

It's all good.

No, no,

I wouldn't really change it.

I just got to change my mental game a little bit.

Stop drinking so much.

Yeah, you find in it, like, once you're like, once you're at the event, it's like it's hard to

stop.

like do you want to get wasted do you want to

i know even last night because i because i uh joan burgio was with me and i even remember saying it was just like

and by the way we're talking six beers over the course of five hours you know what i mean it's not like uh you know i just get hungo because i don't drink anymore all right but that's not so bad yeah it's not like i i haven't done more than 10 drinks in like two years or something like that you know what i mean i just i'm not much of a drinker anymore but um so maybe maybe let's say six seven beers last night.

Yeah.

It's enough to fucking purchase.

We went to dinner at six.

I was home by two a.m.

So, you know.

Okay.

So it's like one an hour?

Yeah, but I front-loaded them.

Like I did four real quick.

And then and then the other then the other last ones were just like maintenance maintenance beers.

But it was just like, you know, it's that thing of like, you just like, oh, fuck, like, are like I can just stop thinking.

It just shuts the brain off, you know what I mean?

You start feeling a little bit better.

So, yeah, but you start having a good time.

The next thing you know, you're fucking babbling drunkenly to Chris Jericho, seeing his face and being like, All right, I gotta get out of here.

But I'm fine.

I am fine.

I'm just not gonna go with today.

Okay.

All right.

Yeah, no, no, no, no, uh, there's no reason for any long-term concern.

I'm just kind of like really depressed about Benjamin, and it it just makes it easier, you know.

Of course.

Yeah, that's all.

It's understand what's normal.

Yeah, yeah.

It's fine.

So you're going to your parents for Thanksgiving.

What about you, Walt?

You got any big plans?

I have a big

family shinda being planned.

Yeah, preparing for it right now.

Yesterday was helping the missus prepare the dining room, putting the leaf in the big table, like because usually the table is small.

Right, yeah.

But you put the leaf in when everybody's coming.

My mom is coming,

brother-in-law and his family,

my girls.

So it's yeah, looking forward to it.

I'm not, you know, I find myself every year, though,

my taste buds must be altering because I'm like, I'm like, I don't know if I like turkey.

I used to love turkey.

Yeah.

And now I'm like, now I'm like, man, I eat a piece of turkey and I'm like,

what happened?

Like,

what happened with you?

Yeah, right.

Everybody tastes

projectile.

What is this?

What the fuck is this?

Do we have chicken nuggets there?

Because all I do is rave about, oh, I can't wait for turkey turkey.

And then when I get it, I'm like,

I don't know if I like turkey.

And I used to tell myself I loved it.

It doesn't have much taste to it.

Unless you put gravy on it or something.

I don't.

Yeah, which I assume you don't.

Yeah, it's like,

it doesn't get much blander than that.

And there's nothing worse than slimy turkey.

Yeah, I like dry turkey.

I like dry turkey too, but if it's too dry, it's hazardous to your health because it might not, it doesn't go down easy.

Well, that's what the beer is for, baby.

I call it turkey lubricant.

She's got turkey muscles.

Yeah, but like really.

You're going to smoke turkey.

What if you change it up a little bit?

How do you make that?

Is that the one where you like, where I see these videos where people drop it in and

burst in the flames?

That's deep fried.

I don't want to walk away with fourth-degree burns.

If you do it, make sure you do it in your garage like all those people do.

I wouldn't suggest that you smoke it yourself.

No, it's an easy process.

Do you buy it that way already?

Yeah, there's this one year like

some agent, a manager sent the smoked turkey to the house for Christmas, and I was like, fucking, this is awesome.

Did it taste it better than normal turkey?

I don't think on a, I think as a once-a-year treat, yes.

It wouldn't be my go-to for turkey.

What makes the turkey slimy?

when you have that when sometimes you'll you'll get a slice and you're like it's wet and it's like nasty i don't know but but I can't see.

It's probably like a little bit fattier.

Maybe there's like a little bit of fat in there or just like it didn't cook as much in that part.

Yeah.

Who cooks a turkey, Deb?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I certainly don't cook.

I don't do anything.

Yeah, I didn't know if you guys like ordered it from somewhere or something.

No.

My girls

were laying

some subliminal messages.

I guess not so subliminal, but texting Popeye links where you could buy turkey at Popeyes now.

Oh, really?

And my wife was like, I'm not buying a $50 turkey at Popeyes.

She doesn't want a fast food turkey.

She equates Popeyes with fast food.

Right, of course.

So she's aghast at, like, you know, trotting out, like, oh, here, bringing out of the kitchen Popeyes, fucking turkey, and everybody being like putting their nose up to it.

Would you feel the same way about Boston Market, you think?

No.

Because Boston Market, you don't, you kind of order it.

It doesn't seem fast food.

It doesn't seem like fast food.

And there's not many Boston markets around anywhere.

They're like disappearing.

They're going going extinct.

No, they're all turning in the Starbucks around us.

Burger King turned to Starbucks.

Boston Market turned to Starbucks.

This is the...

Has America fallen out of love with turkey?

Oh, I don't think so.

What do you mean?

Why not?

If Boston Market can't survive, then...

Well, I think mostly they went there.

It was for chicken at Boston Market.

Chicken, Boston Market.

Oh, but turkey was a huge selling point for them because you couldn't get turkey anywhere else.

You can get chicken almost anywhere.

Any diner you go to, I bet you could get a turkey.

One of my favorite stories you ever told is.

Yeah, hot-open turkey sandwich.

That's like a diner stable.

True.

But like a chain.

Like, you know, not many chains offer turkey.

We should open one turkeys with a Z.

It's the driest turkey you ever had.

Life-threatening.

It's when you told the story you were behind a sweet old couple who was trying to figure out

how to add the sides to their order.

And they were like,

and everything,

everything that they offered as a side, like, no, no.

Like, can we just get more turkey?

Yeah, I just wanted more turkey.

How could you say no to that elderly couple who's like, can we just get more turkey as our side?

I'd be like, absolutely.

Sure.

I don't give a fuck.

This is going to be Mary Beth's first year hosting.

Oh, yeah?

Who's she cooking for?

Oh, is she cooking for the mother-in-law?

She's cooking for the mother-in-law.

Extra pressure to impress Pam?

Yeah, the fucking world's best cook, if you remember her statue from

years back, the award that she received.

Yeah, it's for Pam and Edgar.

Sage, of course.

Does she put pressure on herself or no?

I think she feels kind of pressured.

You know, she's, she's, I mean, if pressure is ordering tons and tons and tons of fucking Thanksgiving decorations to put around the house, then yeah, she's under more pressure than the fucking San Andreas fault.

Does she realize the guys are just like, she's going to be very disappointed when

Eric, not Eric,

Darren,

and Edgar don't notice.

She seems to notice.

That's why guys don't notice shit like that.

Nope.

Who's going to notice it?

Just baby Pam?

Maybe Pam.

Maybe

my nephew's girlfriend will probably notice.

She's like that, like girly girl type shit.

But yeah, for the most part, I mean, she's doing it for her, I guess.

I took it on the chin last night.

I was here all day yesterday, and I came home, and Deb was decorating, and I walked in, and I didn't mention the Christmas decorations because she's all into Christmas.

I mean, Thanksgiving decorations, right?

There was all these turkey decorations, and she goes, You didn't say anything about the decorations, and I was like, Oh, yeah, yeah, it looks nice.

She was so pissed off that I had to be reminded because she wore all day.

I just, that's not on my radar, man.

Decorations

for holidays, just like

you know, I don't know.

I like a good Christmas light, no?

Yeah, but but Thanksgiving's just different.

It's not,

I agree, it's brown, most things are brown.

It's brown and orange, yeah, orange lights.

Give it a rest, bro.

What if, like, um, in the middle of all your Thanksgiving decorations, you you put one up, you snuck one in that was like a um, like a sexy turkey, right?

It was like with like giant, like

giant, like, turkey tits, right?

Underneath said, have some breasts.

You put that on the wall.

Oh, it's not like a little like.

No, it's like the ones you, you know, like this big.

It's like a paper one.

Okay, so like an 8x11 sexy turkey.

I think

some brackets that I've got.

Does that get noticed by your brother and your father?

Oh, definitely, yeah.

Darren's probably like, where can I get one?

No, what's on the menu?

What's the dishes that she has planned?

I think she's obviously turkey.

She's got stuffing.

It's the first time she ever cooked a turkey.

Mush potatoes?

I believe so.

A lot of pressure.

Perhaps the first time I've ever cooked a turkey, though, so I can keep an eye on it.

Isn't it just like

the thing pops out?

She got to get up early.

You got to get up around 6 a.m.

Oh, my God.

You're going to get an apple for inside that turkey.

Somebody might jap it on me.

Yeah.

Get that japple in there.

Yeah.

I'll stick an apple up.

Yeah.

I'll do it.

I won't tell her.

Yeah.

So she's like, what the fuck, where'd this apple come from?

I'm like, what?

You don't know?

Has she ever stuffed a turkey?

I don't think so.

I don't think you're supposed to cook it with the stuffing inside, though.

I thought they warned off that because it doesn't, like, it won't cook as much.

And then some of that salmonella, yeah.

So they suggest you cook the stuffing separately and then put it in like after.

Why even put it in then?

I don't know.

Why even put it in?

And why?

Maybe turkey juice gets on it.

Yeah, I don't know.

Yeah, but she was just going to have turkey breast, but then Pam was a pain in the ass.

She's like, me and daddy like dark meat.

Hey, oh,

you must have been watching some videos.

Yeah, did you see my turkey breast sign?

Yeah, pretty awesome, right?

He's like, Gory's a dark meat dummy.

Yeah,

so now she has to cook a whole regular turkey just because Pam and Edgar want the dark meat.

That's nice of her.

Yeah, but Pam's bringing her own turnip, like she's the only one who likes turnips.

Oh, good.

Yeah, she should.

If nobody else wants that shit, I couldn't agree more.

Bring it yourself, then.

I think Darren's making a salad.

Mashed potatoes on the menu?

Mashed Mashed potatoes.

Marabeth's going to make some mashed potatoes.

Watch your fingers.

What do you mean?

Yeah, you don't want no, like, and you got to peel those potatoes.

Oh, yeah.

Well, you don't have to.

Instant?

No, no.

Yeah, dirty mashed potatoes, like with the skin still on them.

Oh, yeah.

That's like wet turkey.

Like, too lazy to fucking peel the potatoes?

Yes.

Absolutely.

So, yeah, and I guess.

Cranberry sauce?

Cranberry sauce, both kinds, canned.

And I like to make my own cranberry sauce, which is extremely simple.

It's water, cranberries, sugar.

That's all you have to add.

And I think the recipe is actually on the bag itself.

Corn?

Corn.

I don't know.

Not that many people eat corn.

I mean, at our.

Johnson's don't like corn?

Well, you got the potatoes.

You got the stuffing.

Like, how many starchy carbs do we need?

You know what I mean?

Like, I feel like keep it a little more minimal.

It's like, it's a free meal, you fucking grubby motherfuckers.

I know you're going to complain about how much of it there is.

Did you mention carrots?

Did you get into carrots?

Yeah, those are healthy.

Didn't get into carrots.

I don't like carrots.

Sage hates carrots.

Pam's making bread.

Biscuits.

What's for dessert?

Pumpkin pie?

Pam's like, yeah, I'm going to make pies.

She usually makes an apple pie that people like.

What the fuck are we talking about?

People are like, I don't give a fuck about all this shit.

It's our next given episode.

What else are we going to talk about?

Fair enough.

He's casting the lines.

I'm

turkey.

Mashed potatoes.

Because if people find this shit interesting, they're like, so wait, you're going to have the same shit we're all having?

Oh my God.

It's 12 years in, Q.

What else do we have to talk about about these fucking holidays that come around every year?

People have these expectations that we're going to fucking make, we're going to create the new wheel about these holidays about conversation content.

Nope, this year's it's about stuffing

fucking shit.

Will she need like any kind of like

any kind of medication to make bring her stress levels down?

Oh, she's already on it.

Yeah, she's already on that medication.

She wasn't on that when we first met, and she was like kind of a different person

in terms of anxiety, like being out in public and socially and that kind of shit.

Like I think she, what was it, Lexapro, I think she takes?

Whatever it is, it's like it did wonders for her abilities to like, you know, introduce her.

Will she need an extra dosage for Thanksgiving with all the pressure that, you know, having to impress the Johnson clan?

No, because she'll be drinking along with my sister and mother.

So

she won't need any extra medication.

Can you ask them for me?

Like, you know, since Q is not going to drink this Thanksgiving, can you ask Pam and Tracy to not drink for me?

How do you guys feel about making a Thanksgiving Day promise to Walt Flanagan?

Like, okay, I'm listening.

Go ahead.

I remember Walt.

He's trying to.

He's launched a grassroots effort to get nobody to drink on Thanksgiving.

I don't know why.

It's solidarity for Q.

Like, he knows now, he knows that when he's up in Pennsylvania, he knows Pam is not drinking and Tracy isn't drinking.

And he's like, that's like strength and solidarity.

Yeah, I'm like, if Q can do it, you fucking.

Shit can do it.

You know, like, Q ain't doing it.

Like I do for you, Brian.

How about you notice?

But you saw my Instagram.

It's 1 p.m.

on Thanksgiving.

He front-loaded.

Yeah, Darren's probably the hardest core drinker.

They only drink like this wine called Proseco.

I think it's like a sparkly wine or something.

I'm not exactly sure.

But Darren drinks like Captain

Jack Spray.

Captain and Coke, Captain Morgan.

Sophisticated.

No, not Captain Jack Sparrow.

Yeah, Captain Morgan.

Yeah, he's a rum guy.

I know who he is.

Even at this age, which is like usually when people get older, they do, don't they start to like lighten up, like unless you're an alcoholic, don't they start to like lighten up, just drink beer?

Like, like that's what I've uh, yes, it's in my experience.

Now I'm like, yeah, I'm like, I'll take that, Bud Light, give it to me, it's great.

Yeah,

it's a heavy, it's a heavy exlixir, right?

Is that the word?

Elixir, elixir for Thanksgiving, right?

I mean, that's like, is he drinking out of the bottle?

No, no, okay, yeah,

but uh,

I don't know, he drinks, he can drink.

Like, I I can't.

You can ask him to if you want to see if he'll go see if he'll go.

I was wondering, man.

On his reaction.

She'd laugh and be like, get the fuck out of here.

Like, go away.

I'm front-loading.

Yeah.

I've already front-loaded, so it's too late.

You know, I can't get through this day if I don't front-load.

Do you see Pam and Edgar sitting right there?

Yeah.

I was hoping to have the TV, like Mary Beth hired this company to come and put the TV on the wall, like hang it up, and they fucking get there.

You hired a company to do that?

It's a big TV.

I'm not doing it.

No,

no fucking way.

Like, I already, like, the TV that me and you put up.

Yeah, I was going to say, why would you call me out of retirement?

I actually should, man, because that TV was solid to the very end, man.

It never

knows it, never tilted nothing.

Sage could have hung off that.

Yeah, I fucking encouraged her several times.

No, this is a pretty big TV.

And

she hired these guys 85 inches.

I don't.

I don't.

I didn't buy it.

I'm not the one who bought it.

But she has these ideas.

I'm going to spend that Johnson money on it.

Oh, you better fucking believe it.

Really?

You better fucking believe it.

Whoa, what's going on?

The other day, Sage was talking about she was like,

we were going somewhere, and she's like, I love spending money.

I love spending money.

She goes, my bestie loves spending money.

She goes, Dad, I hate spending money.

Because Dad, that's the one that's got to make it.

Daddy's the the only one bringing in any scratch here all you guys do is fucking spend it well they have these grand ideas that they're going to start a twitch channel sage and marybeth and then they can monetize it by playing video games and shit like that you know like they have tip jars things like that yeah

so hopefully that comes to fruition and they can pay back some of the fucking money they're spending the both of them well you just moved in it's gonna cost money to set up yeah yeah yeah but there's there's shit where i'm like really do we need this like she bought marybeth bought two pairs like these two pairs of slippers that came in yesterday.

What do they look like?

They're called Birdies.

There's like this certain brand.

And they're just like slip-ons, like just like I'm wearing right now.

Because when I left the house, I forgot I had slippers on.

And I got to the car and I was like,

fuck it.

It's too late to turn around.

So I'm just walking around in these slippers.

Oh, my God.

That's how it happens.

Yeah.

The door is there, but I'd have to turn the knob.

Or I could be the guy walking around in slippers.

I wouldn't have given a fuck.

That's it.

Yeah.

So she buys these two pairs of slippers, and I'm like, but you're wearing a pair right now.

So three slippers.

Three pairs of slippers.

Plus these fucking slipper sock things that she buys from Aldi's all the time.

It's like, oh, but they're so cute.

These are, these are.

She's got Thanksgiving slippers and Halloween slippers and all this other fucking shit.

And I'm looking with the two, the two pairs of slippers.

These I know are not the Aldi cost.

So I'm like, what do you need them for?

She's like, but they were on sale.

And I was like, I'm living in a fucking sitcom.

Like, this is what people say.

They're like, even if you don't need shit, they're like, but it wasn't on sale.

Right.

Like, that's something you would see on like

a married person sitcom, like that kind of crap.

Did you consider snipping up a credit card?

Like, getting breaking out the scissors?

Nah, she's in charge of all the finances.

That's a fucking deal with me.

Yeah, I've got it.

It's over for me.

Put on your slippers and go to work.

Yeah, man.

They're going to shuffle off to work.

Fuck face.

I want more slippers.

Okay.

Yeah, fine, fine.

What about you, Kio?

What's your plan?

I know you're going out to the family.

Yeah, I'm going to go up to the Poconos for the day.

It's always nice.

My nieces and nephews will all be there, and that's rare to have them.

It's a big how many people are we talking?

Let's see, five and five.

That's

anything in double digits.

About 14 people.

Yeah.

How many turkeys?

Just

two turkeys.

My brother will bring the smoked turkey that he enjoys bringing, and then my mother will be making the red pla turkey.

What is BQ bringing?

Desserts?

Yes, I've been told to bring, since I'm the only one that still lives on Staten Island, cannolis are coming from me from Alfonso's on Staten Island.

Shout out to Alfonso's.

And then,

speaking of Staten Island, there's Chuck's here.

And then wine.

My mother asked me to get some wine.

Oh, yeah, what kind of wine you bring?

Don't you make a promise to wall flag?

Is there like, do wines be

dated?

Do wines be dated?

No,

wines

by year.

Yeah, but there's certain like chateau.

I'm not paying attention anymore.

You don't like bring something from like 1900?

No.

No,

1922.

It would be lost on us.

$15,000 bottle of wine.

2022 is how you're going to be.

Yeah, not good vintage.

2022.

I've heard, though, I've seen that it's for a lot of people, it's very difficult to tell the difference between like a fucking $7 bottle of wine and a $70 bottle of wine.

I can never.

It seems like wine snobs are the ones who are like, oh, look at the balance.

Oh, what's your corkage?

Do you swim it?

Like, do you swirl it around and do all that crazy shit?

Doesn't he corky?

That's just wasting time, bro.

Doesn't strike you more as the type that pops the fucking cork out with his teeth and just drinks it out of the bottle.

I'm pretty excited.

Until his eyes are spinning.

Now I can handle Thanksgiving.

We're not talking about the most important plans of Thanksgiving weekend, though.

That would be Black Friday.

Black Friday weekend at the general store and online.

We've got some new merch dropping, and we're going to drop a video on the Twitter, from BQ's Twitter, Bryce's Twitter, Sunday Jeff's Twitter,

of what the items will be.

We'll keep it a secret for now.

And

on midnight on Thanksgiving, the items will be up for sale, and the general store will be open.

Until the Friday evening at like 7 o'clock.

Gidham has promised to stay open the entire time.

Gidham has said that he will stay up for over

40 hours.

Why are we asking that of him?

He volunteered.

I told him not to do it.

I said, once we close the doors at 2, I'm leaving at 2.

Go lay on the couch, get a power nap,

and open the doors again at like 11 a.m.

or something.

He goes, no.

He wants to do it this way.

I think it's for him.

It's like a fun new tradition he's going to be thinking we're going to be starting.

Okay.

Oh, his power nap is nine hours.

Like, go to bed at two, get up at 11.

The dude can sleep for 40 hours straight.

So that is a power nap that nine.

Yeah.

Did you know this cue that on Monday, he's off on Monday and Tuesday, and he sleeps 40 of those 48 hours.

I have heard this.

Yeah, he puts himself into like a coma.

Yeah.

Who's that dude, that street magician who goes into it.

Well, David Blaine?

Yeah, David Blaine.

He slows his heart up.

He hibernates.

Yeah, I've heard that he spends a lot of time sleeping.

I think when Helen was trying to get in touch with him for something,

that was the excuse given that when he's not working, he's...

So we're going to have a new shirt design and a new hoodie and a new,

I don't know, new fun item, I guess.

And

they'll be up for sale on tellhamstevedave.com at midnight on Thanksgiving, and as well as the general store.

So, supplies run out.

Supplies will be limited, though.

Yeah.

You haven't announced what it is?

No, I thought it would be fun to do it on our social media.

So, visually, I think visually is you just can't describe it, I don't think.

Sure, you could describe it, but nah, people should see it.

It's beautiful.

Montelle Q,

we had a boys' night out.

We did have a boys' night out.

I was just about to bring that up.

You're not the only one out there.

Well, well, well.

I found it particularly enjoyable because I very rarely get to spend time with just Walt one-on-one, you know.

Oh, just the two of you.

Boy's night out.

Where'd you go?

We went up to Montclair.

We went to see Wasp.

Oh, yeah.

80s shock metal band.

Sure, of course.

I know WASP.

40-year anniversary cube.

Why?

Still rocking it, huh?

1984 or 82, I guess they started 82.

It was 40 years, but I got into them in 84.

I had a good time yeah it was really fun yeah it like the the venue was like an hour from us but it didn't seem that bad you know it wasn't it wasn't that awful like because yeah like when i'm going to see uh blue october again with marybeth on tuesday and i'm like so grateful that the that it's at the bc which is 10 minutes from my house um this was an hour but It didn't even matter because you're in the car, you're talking to your buddy, you're fucking...

Yeah, you're having fun.

Yeah, you're not home.

You're not like...

I'm just, I'm getting tired of being home, man.

We had good seats, too.

We were able to sit the entire time.

Awesome.

You never stood once.

Oh, that is.

Walt brought me on a date, as a matter of fact.

He didn't charge me for the ticket.

Yeah, it was his birthday present.

Oh, it was?

Oh, sure.

I was looking forward towards something else.

No, that was your birthday present.

December 7th.

Don't expect anything from me.

Just the memories of Lockie Lawless.

But you know what he did, Q that, like, I don't think a lot of artists would do this.

And I applauded it because I thought it was such a cool thing to do.

Was

when they played a song that they made a video for in the 80s, they had these big screens on, and they would sync the video of them singing it from the 80s that they played on MTV or wherever these videos played to them today.

And I don't think a lot of artists would do that because it's like really putting it in everybody's face that they're 40 years older.

But I thought it was a cool fucking

aspect of the show because some of these videos I really didn't even know they made videos for some of these songs that never got rotation on MTV.

Yeah,

I've seen that happen in other shows and I always feel like, my God, like I saw it, Sebastian Bach did it at his show.

And if I'm Sebastian, I would be like looking at myself over to the, like, I'm like, I'm 20 years old there.

Like, God damn it, those were the days.

And then, you know, and then you look in the mirror when you get off stage and you're like, I'm in my late 40s singing fucking Youth Gone Wild.

You know?

So I think it's almost brave of them.

Yeah, I love that show.

I love that they did that.

They embraced that.

It really,

I don't want to get corny or I don't want to get

emotional, but like it really brought me back to my headspace when I was watching it of myself when I was introduced to that band.

Yeah.

It really made me remember what I was thinking for and what I was longing for.

At the time?

At the time, yeah.

And did you meet?

I did.

Yeah, good.

Yeah, yeah.

I didn't have a lot of expectations.

I really just wanted a normal.

I was hoping to still be alive in my 50s.

No,

I wanted a job that I could have a home, and I just wanted

a TV

family.

That's what I longed for when I was.

I mean, it's weird that that was the music of the backdrop of me laying in bed, listening to WASP and thinking about what I wanted out of life.

Oh, white picket fence.

That was right.

It's so strange.

It's a shot rock.

Yeah, he's like, I'm an animal.

I fucked like a beast.

I'm a sex machine.

But that's what I think back, and like, I remembered my mindset and my headspace, and I was just like, it really was,

it brought me right back to the things that I like when I was listening to that band and

what I was wondering what

would happen, you know, what would I grow up to be,

what my life would become.

Never long for like anything anything like

success

in terms of

be on TV or something or nothing like that.

I would say 99.9%

of young boys your age lying in bed listening to WASP are like, I want to be WASP.

Not like, I want to have two dogs,

two daughters.

Dogs was the theme thing.

The dog was something that I would think about often because I didn't have a dog for so long.

You got Ruby.

Right, but she had passed away, and my mom wasn't having another dog.

She never existed.

So I had to get out of the house and to get the dog.

Yeah.

But yeah, it's weird, though, that, like I said, that that was the music, though, that

was the backdrop to those aspirations.

Yeah, we did.

We sent, like, you walk into it, it was the Welmont Theater in Montclair.

I'm not sure if you're familiar with it, but like, it's like a lot of theaters.

You walk in, and there's a bar up front, then there's like a riser where there's like, I don't know, like what, four or five rows of chairs.

Yeah.

And then the floor.

Sure.

You know?

So we were sitting on the risers.

It was the best.

Just

those seats, it was the best.

And like, we're sitting and then some, you know, like.

Guess how much those seats were?

Your birthday present.

You know it was the best.

So like, you know, I want you to know that I paid the best, too.

I would say those seats were probably,

I would go 85 bucks.

Higher.

Higher?

100?

125.

Get out of here, really?

That is very nice of you.

Thank you.

Even at 85, it would have been very nice.

125.

I don't know what the first row was.

We had second row.

Okay.

Yeah.

How was the crowd?

Was it was there young, was there a young, was there an infusion of youthful

fans?

Are you including us?

Because we were the youngest ones there.

I saw some people younger.

Yeah.

But there were not many.

Mostly,

like I was saying, like mostly guys our age.

Like I was saying, we were sitting there and like there were a couple of seats to the left of me and this one guy sat down.

He's like, if I if I sit down here, I'm just my sciatic is killing me.'

Like, uh-oh, this is where we're at now.

You know, um, it was mostly guys in their 50s into their 60s, I'd say.

But then there were some young

metal girls, maybe one or two.

Yeah, that's important in a rock show.

There was a couple that I could not stop watching because they

just loved every minute of it.

I did too, but they even went so far as to video on their phones the breaking down of the opening band's gear and the setting up of Wasp's gear.

They videotaped that too as well.

Like, who's going to fucking re-watch that?

Yeah, no.

The half-hour of breaking down of the gear of the opening band.

To me, I find that very strange that they videotaped everything.

Yeah, I saw, I just, I didn't watch it, but I saw a video on YouTube the other day.

It was the guitarist from Megadeth.

He was like, hey, I'm going to take it backstage and show you how they set up and all the guys.

Like, that I kind of get.

Like, if you're interested in that sort of thing, which I'm definitely not

but as a viewer like like when wasp went on it was i mean it had to be a good two minutes of just black with like tone like tone like you know dark no lights on and there were people recording it like every phone and i was like i cannot believe how many people are recording nothing right it's just dark would you be upset if you thought that like

Would the night be changed at all if you had suspicions that the band was lip-syncing or not playing?

Would the night,

It probably wouldn't change my experience too much,

but I would be like, I mean, because when I went to Kiss, didn't you tell me that Kiss was lip-syncing?

Yeah, yeah.

They have backing tracks.

I don't know.

You went, though, before it got really obvious, though, I think.

It was fun.

You know what I mean?

That's what I, because I have strong suspicions that

they weren't mic-syncing.

His mic stand was so big, it was like

a motorcycle

headstock with the handlebars, but like a big skeleton up front, so you could barely see him.

Yeah, he was hiding behind this mic stand.

Yeah, and a lot of times when he wasn't at the mic stand, he had his back to the audience, I noticed.

And also, the song sounded so much like the album cuts, like way too, way too similar.

Probably not even possible after all these.

Oh, yeah, 40 years, you still sound exactly the same.

Like, the track still sounds as good as it did on the CD or the cassette.

It's the wasp magic, baby.

Yeah, but I uh it didn't take anything away from me.

I I still wouldn't have enjoyed it more

if it turned out he was singing.

Yeah.

I'd be like, it still would have been the same.

It's the same, yeah.

And the opening band, they immediately had a meaculpa where the singer came out and he's like, I blew my voice out at the concert the night before or something.

So we flew in this guy from Austin.

I guess it's a friend of theirs.

I don't, I mean, he was good.

He was Armored Saint.

It was Armored Saint was the band.

He was a good singer, but I didn't notice at first until Walt pointed it out that he appeared to be reading the lyrics

from the floor.

He would turn the page and he would, and for the lyrics, so he had to be reading the lyrics, which is, I mean, well, if you're pinching in the last minute, but I swear to God, though, though, like, I don't think anybody could tell the lyrics because it's just screaming.

Yeah, oh, yeah.

Yeah, so it really wouldn't have mattered if he missed a lyric, I don't think.

Unless those hardcore Armored Saints fans were like, hey, wait a second.

And it's weird.

I was thinking, like,

they appeared to be as proficient as any other band.

Like, I mean, and they were, they're also celebrating their 40th year

of being a band.

And

I'm like, what is it about, like, because Walt didn't know one song from Armored Saint.

I didn't know one song from Armored Saint.

So what was it?

Like, how did we miss out on Armored Saint when they.

They just didn't get any radio play on WSOU or something.

But the.

Oh, I mean, I forget what I was going to say now.

Fuck.

Yeah, go ahead.

Sorry.

I was waiting on you.

We could talk about

if you wanted to, as long as we're talking music.

I think we are.

I think we're talking WASP.

As long as we're talking music, we're going to talk American Musical Supply, which is an ant-owned business.

And if you want to become a rock star like Blackie Lawless from WASP, then this is the place to go.

All right.

American Musical Supply is your one-stop shop for all your audio and music supply needs.

Gear for guitarists, drummers, vocalists, DJs, home recording enthusiasts, podcasters.

American Musical Supply has all the equipment for sounding great.

They're stocked up with the latest and greatest gear from today's top brands like Gibson, Yamaha, Shure, and Zoom to name a few.

And whether you are a beginner or a seasoned pro, AmericanMusical.com has a variety of products to suit every skill level.

And let's say you want to be a rock star in a budget, Q.

I do.

They offer payment plans between 4 and 18 months.

You're pre-approved on a four and six month payment plan with no credit check.

I like that.

Use an existing credit card.

You're not required to open a new credit card.

Shop at AmericanMusical.com and you can expect fast and free shipping on nearly all products.

With Top Gear in stock at four warehouses across the U.S., and most deliveries will take only one or two days.

They've got over 30 years of award-winning customer service.

Their gear experts are standing by and would love to help you find recording, production, and performance essentials.

So listen up.

Visit AmericanMusical.com today, and if you apply promo code TESD, at checkout for $20 off a purchase.

Oh, if you apply, promo code TESD a checkout for $20, you'll get $20 off a purchase of $100 or more.

Oh, wow.

That's $20 off for using the promo code T-E-S-D at AmericanMusical.com.

All right, nice.

Own and operated business.

I like that.

I like that the people have faith in the show.

Yeah.

That's no problem.

All right.

So forget Texas Roadhouse.

Let me just tell

what to ask of you.

Well, when did you talk about it?

I don't know.

That's why I'm asking.

That's why I'm asking just to skim through and see if you can find and make sure it's not true by Friday.

Tempers are

running hot.

He's on that for you.

All right.

All right, we just had a minor technical snafu, which

probably was the best content we'll ever produce.

Yeah, lost it all.

No point recreating recreating it, so let's move on.

Yeah.

You said something that you said you saw a bumper sticker.

I couldn't understand it.

It was in Manhattan this morning when I was driving home from the charity thing.

And

I took a picture of it because I couldn't fucking figure out what it meant.

Like, I don't know if it's a saying, but

this is what it says.

One kind of protection is unfeasibility of sin.

One kind of of protection is unfeasibility of sin any idea

sounds like a religious bible quote well yeah i mean it's got sin in it it's a this by the way is it is a an uber it's a taxi

and you think that they should remain unpolitical no i don't care what they put on the car i just don't fucking understand what it means i would love for anybody to help me out with this one

brian no no i don't know

you sound like you're almost i didn't even know the word unfeasibility I thought it was infeasibility, so I'm not even sure of the wording.

One kind of protection is unfeasibility of sin.

What does unfeasibility mean right off the bat?

It's not feasible.

It's not possible.

Or practical.

It's not practical.

One kind of protection is the unpractical, unpractical.

How do you say it?

Of sin.

Impractical.

Impractical of sin.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I hear protection, I think.

I think rubber.

Oh, I see.

You think this is the thing about sex?

I think it could be something about.

I think it has something to do with...

Like a pro-life aspect.

I think it could be a pro-life thing.

Oh, okay.

I don't know, though.

Let me look at it through that lens.

Can you type in that saying in Google?

No, I didn't.

I was driving.

Okay.

Well, I saw something, too, out in the wild.

It's not as

you're not going to have to decipher it as hard to figure out what's going on.

But I'm walking around the auction or the flea market in Englishtown, and there's a dude in front of me, and I can't believe what I see on the back of his shirt.

As he has a drawing,

well, he has a sign, like a speed limit sign that says 69 miles per hour.

And then there's the drawing of two people engaged in a 69.

Holy shit.

And then it says assholes live forever.

69 miles per hour.

Okay.

Yeah, you're getting a real ass shot.

Right?

It's like a guy's head

is, it's the backside of the woman.

You saw you see her behind, sitting on the guy's face.

And it's a black and white drawing.

So

it's kind of hard to sell immediately what's going on.

Like, you really got to look at it for a second

to soak it in and see what you're seeing.

Well, it's a skeleton, 69ing.

That's the weird part.

What do you mean that's not a skeleton?

They have hair.

Look at his hands.

Okay, yeah, he has skeletons.

All right, it's a skeleton.

She's not a skeleton.

She's not, but she's definitely 69ing a skeleton.

Oh, yeah, you're right.

Okay, yeah, you're right.

I mean, how many things does this shirt want going on at once?

What is that about, man?

I just was like, I wanted to be like the guy.

What is she sucking?

Right.

Exactly.

What is down there on the skeleton?

But I wanted to go up to

what does this mean?

But he was like fucking massive.

I didn't know how it would handle me critiquing his shirt.

Because, God forbid, he doesn't know.

He's like, oh.

I do think I found my Thanksgiving shirt, though.

Wear it around the family.

Could you wear that shirt, Q?

Even in your 20s, you're like, oh,

that's a great shirt, man.

You saw it.

You see it.

Buy it at a store.

You're like, you can't wait to wear it.

Wear, wear.

At a concert.

It's the kind of shirt you would find at a boardwalk.

Yeah.

Not only do I think I could have worn it then, I believe I could wear it now.

We're talking like a one-off, like I'm going to Asbury Park for a show or something like that.

Could you walk out of the house today?

You're still living at home.

Yeah.

You bought, you're like,

bye, Ma.

See you later.

Going out.

And she sees that shirt.

Yeah, I don't think it would go over well.

Yeah, I couldn't wear that shirt.

Yeah, I don't think that would happen.

I think that's a get-your-own-apartment shirt.

That and my turkey decoration.

It is a weird mentality, though, of

for for someone to be like fuck yeah man like this 69 so much yeah like because you put it on my usually people get shirts of like representing something they like

we know yeah it's a given you're a dude you're you we know you like 69 yeah and how old was he

god he he had to be late 30s or 40s so it's like like a kid 18 you get it and there's kids around and everything

it's like come on bro like show some fucking class.

You're at the Englishtown auction, boy.

Where do we see that guy wearing a shirt that said it was a guy?

It was this.

It's the shirt that said, sorry, boys, I eat pussy.

It might have been Key West.

Apologizing to him.

I think it was Key West.

Sorry, boys, I eat pussy.

I was like, it's a fucking type of genius.

It just is.

He's apologizing to the presumably gay dudes.

Who are going to want to suck him off or have him suck them off?

My apologies.

I eat pussy.

Holy shit, man.

That's so funny.

What else do I got for this week?

I had

the Tom Brady and Giselle thing goes on.

Oh, you never heard about that?

No, it's going on.

A lot of people

came down on me.

Came down, felt I was way too hard on Giselle during the whole Tom Brady

divorce thing.

But, oh, seven days days after Tom Brady's divorce, Giselle is seen out and about with a new bow.

Okay.

What are you chuckling?

What makes you chuckle?

That's not funny, dude.

It's awful.

That shit is terrible.

Why does that make you laugh?

Like, Sunday, Jeff laughed too, and I wanted to be like

people at home can't see your face.

You turned into like a nun.

Like the disapproval

was so palpable.

Like Giselle's going to hell.

You know that, right?

Yeah, it was that.

And I'm looking.

It was so funny to see you care so much.

Because who gives a fuck?

You knew she was going to fuck someone else.

She's hot.

But seven days later?

That's, that's so, that's like so disrespectful to everybody.

Him, your family.

Like, you don't need to be out and about that quickly.

Well, also, it's like, if she cares about Tom Brady's feelings at all,

she's going to realize that he's going to put together, like, so wait a second, she's with her jiu-jitsu instructor,

and it's her

karate instructor.

It's not like a guy she just met, so she's met him, she's known him for a long time.

So, most people are going to put two and two together, even if two and two don't equal four.

Yeah, and this, like, we don't know if it equals four,

but it sure looks like 69.

Assholes live forever.

What does that even mean?

Right.

I didn't think they own.

I didn't think that involved the asshole.

No, not necessarily.

I don't know if you're doing it right.

Really?

If you're doing it right, that gets in that's in there too?

I mean, certainly in the mix, I'd say.

You know, I wouldn't rule it out.

And you're right there, huh?

I mean, what are you supposed to do?

Ignore it?

Worse than fucking like slick turkey.

But cute.

It's not an asshole like slick turkey.

Yeah, no, it is.

Hey, what was that girl like the other night?

Pretty hot except her asshole.

Slick turkey, baby.

All the way.

Wait, what does that mean?

Did he like it or not?

Oh, you know, forget it.

He's gone.

He left.

He would keep walking.

So, do you suspect, though, that there was something going on before?

Yeah, I mean, look, even if nothing was going on before, it's pretty obvious that both of them wanted something to go on before.

The karate structure and Giselle.

Yeah.

But on the other hand, they're divorced.

So, how much more of her life does she have to live for this fucking guy?

I know, like, I know society and me in particular, I don't get to put parameters on when it's okay for her to date again.

Sure.

But you can have an opinion.

Right.

Can I have an opinion?

Of course.

But, like, when I put that opinion out there, that I was like, you know,

she like Tom Brady was made out to be this inhumane monster who was so selfish and all he cared about was

football.

And that's why

Giselle supposedly left him.

Yeah.

And then,

and like, and then I say, well, it doesn't look like football was really the reason why she wanted out of the marriage.

It looks like she wanted a marriage because

of a different, like she may have been attracted to this karate instructor.

It was never about like Tom Brady not retiring.

You knew about the karate instructor?

Only now I know about it because it was on information.

Oh, we used to assume it was something like that.

Well, everybody is to assume that the reporting was she was unhappy that Tom wouldn't retire.

Yeah.

Right?

That was

the headlines throughout this whole thing.

Right.

And I said to you and to everybody who would listen, she didn't love Tom because if you love Tom, you don't divorce him because he wants to play one more year of football.

But you do divorce him if you've got a fucking hunky karate instructor that you want to fuck

and throw it in his face.

But at least you divorce him before you do it.

Okay, if you want to live in Oz.

Yeah.

I thought the weirdest thing was that, like, she brought the kids with this guy.

Like, after a week, like, you know, you're like, oh, my parents are divorced, which is traumatic, I would imagine, for any kids.

But then, like, now we're going on vacation in Costa Rica with this guy, like this karate instructor.

Yeah, it seems unusual.

And I tweeted some things, and there are some people who just will, who are still, like, it's still Tom Brady's fault 100%.

And I'm just like, how?

How could, if he's been, if he was being cheated on, if, if, how the fuck can he still be the blame for it?

Well, maybe he drove her to cheat.

Oh, boy.

What an apology.

I wish I, like, you know, guys have been trying

that excuse for since the dawn of time, right?

You drove me to it.

It's your fault.

Yeah.

It don't work that way.

No?

No, I don't think you're going to get that sympathy.

I think if he was the one stepping out on her, you think he'd get the same people just claiming her?

He'd probably lose half his career.

Well, no, cheating.

That couldn't.

NFL wouldn't be like, you can't play football anymore because you cheated on your wife.

They're fucking guys who kill people.

Yeah, they murder.

They rape and all kinds of shit.

They beat the shit out of women on camera and they still get to play.

Right.

What a sport.

Yeah,

it's fast for me.

It's strange.

No, that's baseball.

No, it's not.

It's baseball.

It used to be football.

Oh, it's football.

It's been football since the 80s.

I guess you live in a different America than me, my friend.

Oh, look at the fucking ratings.

Look at the ratings, and then tell me it's America's pastime.

Who won this World Series this year?

What are you at?

The Astros.

Oh, I'm missed.

I follow.

It's my pastime, goddammit.

I'm an American.

Who would they be?

Philadelphia?

Yeah.

Why are you helping them?

I don't know.

I wanted to be part of it.

I don't know shit either.

But yeah, that's tough, though, man.

And

I feel like, well, what a fucking tough time for this to happen at the holidays for Tom.

Yeah.

Well, you don't think he's already moved on?

He doesn't have a little instructor of his own on the side?

Yeah, I heard there's a lot of like models and those types throwing themselves at him.

Yeah, I mean, it's Tom Brady, but like, I still think there was rumors and there was, again, there was newspaper articles about that he still wanted to work it out.

That's why he left the team for 10 days.

He made this last impassioned effort to be like, let's save the marriage.

Let's save the marriage.

And it didn't work.

Now, of course,

these could be false and made-up bullshit.

But if it's true,

that's sad that he still would have

said, let's make this work out, even though, you know, you got fucking Honkong Fuy on the side here.

Love makes you do weird things, bud.

Yeah, I know it does.

But what do you, what do you, he'll be okay.

Like, he'll be all right.

How long were they married?

10 years?

No, they were married a while, yeah.

I think it was over 10 years.

Over 10 years?

Yeah, it was when I went to Costa Rica.

Remember, I was in that place where we joked around sleeping in his coffee.

Yeah, like

sucking up the sheets and stuff like that.

I think, yeah, everybody heals, but this feels so raw and so new, and it's got to be so

devastating to, you know, for public.

So public.

How's he doing this season?

He looks like he's kind of writing the ship.

It's been a a rough season, but now it all makes sense, man.

Like, if he was dealing with this kind of mental baggage.

Yeah, like every time he threw the ball, he just thought about that karate shot.

You know, it's

a good thing.

In my mind, Tom Brady is Jim from the office.

Can you imagine if Jim found out that Pam was cheating on him?

Yeah.

That's what I think it's like because they were perfect together.

I think Tom loved Giselle just as much as Jim loved Pam.

Where are you getting that from?

This is just the story of him.

I know.

So let's just go with this.

All right.

So he was really.

Imagine if Jim found out Pam was stepping out on him.

I think it would be hard for him to go to the office and crack jokes at Dwight's expense.

Just like it's hard for Tom to throw touchdowns when he's got this going on at home.

Didn't Jim steal her from someone else?

He never stole her.

He stole her.

He didn't steal her.

He kissed her when they were still dating.

What's his name?

Oh, come on now.

But they were meant to be together.

But wait a second.

Towards the end of the show, wasn't that guy Brian almost?

Didn't he almost come in and fucking take over?

I hate that show.

I hate the office.

Yeah, I only watch the British woman.

I never really watched the American woman.

Yeah, everybody loves the British.

You will fall in love with Jim.

I mean, I've seen enough of it.

I can't say I've never seen it.

That would be not true.

You will root for them like no

fictional couple you've ever rooted for.

Jeez, I thought I was the one on drugs, man.

I swear to God, they're so fucking smug and annoying, the both of them.

Really?

I think they're so fucking, they're so much better than everyone else in the office.

Like, Jim's constantly, like, turning and smirking at the camera, like, can you believe us?

Yeah, if Jim is so fucking great and so smart, why is he working a fucking paper company?

Wow.

Oh, dude, that's

like saying someone can't be like really solid because they don't have a fucking super successful.

No, they can be solid.

He could be solid.

It's just that he thinks he's above everybody there, though.

He thinks he's better than everybody there.

So it's like, if you're so great, why are you with all these fucking morons?

Do you see the way, you know, the way that you guys treat Giddam?

Yeah.

Wait a second.

But like, Giddam is a Dwight Schreute kind of character.

And you kind of like playing.

Down to the farming and shit.

Yeah, you take the piss out of him, or you have a little bit of fun with him because he is eccentric.

There's nothing wrong with Jim.

I didn't mind the shit with.

In fact, the stuff with Dwight is the only good stuff, I think.

If Steve Carell was there, the Steve Carell and Dwight stuff was great.

Steve Carell leaves.

The only time I like it after that at all is Robert California's character, which I know you probably don't like.

I liked it.

Oh, did you like him?

Yeah, I like it.

I thought he might have been too weird for you.

Yeah, I can't believe you never watched it, Q.

I have watched it.

I think I watched the first like two, three seasons.

Oh, so you saw the

Love Affair Blossom.

Sure.

And I watched the whole of the British one a couple of times.

I liked that one, too.

Yeah, the British one's fucking great.

But yeah, so I know everybody loves it.

Right.

But I thought that there'd be more

support online for Tom.

And it seemed to be.

They still, everybody online was still like.

Is he still the goat, man?

Yeah.

But not

at home.

It's not a goat existence at home when you have this kind of

shit to deal with.

Dude, it's like everybody has.

He lost his wife to a karate instructor.

But it really goes to show you that you could be at the pinnacle of

your

profession.

Yeah.

And you're still susceptible to to what everybody else is susceptible to.

It still is the same things that like

the guys who put, you know,

who have normal jobs, who will live in anonymity, and, you know,

they're not, they're not, their breakup or their divorce isn't headline news, but they're dealing with the same stuff.

Same shit.

They want to find someone.

They got

they don't have a billion dollars in fucking models lining up to suck your cock.

Do you think Tom does really?

No, do you think he does

that?

Do you think he wants that at this point?

I I don't think so.

No.

No, that I don't think.

But he'll want it in time and it'll still be there.

He'll get it.

You saw what Sunday Jeff did?

He fucking folded the theory out there that maybe Tom is not into women.

Well, wouldn't you be happy for him if he came out?

Walt sent Walt sent Tom.

Well Smith.

Walt sent Tom Brady a shirt that said, sorry, boys, I like to eat pussy.

Fucking throwing a pass in that t-shirt.

Women aren't the only kind of passes I throw, boys.

He comes out.

Tom comes out.

Yeah.

Doesn't change anything for you, right?

Just light in the cleats.

Absolutely.

It's not happening.

But of course not.

I wouldn't give a fuck.

But of course not.

But like, there's no way.

Do you still wear your Brady jerseys?

You still wear my Brady jerseys.

Oh, look at this guy.

But now they're rainbow Brady jerseys and shit.

I'd buy one of those too.

Would you?

Oh, yeah.

It wouldn't change nothing but an Abragon, bro.

Look at that dude.

He's fit for men nor woman.

The whole third sex unto himself.

You know what?

That goes to show you too, Q.

Tell all your celebrity friends.

Yeah.

Don't go after a supermodel.

They don't make good wives.

They don't.

They will never make good wives.

They're too high maintenance.

Their asses have been kissed since they were probably 16 years old.

Bowie had a pretty successful model wife, right?

That's why.

She allowed him to go do whatever he wanted to do, all that freaky shit.

Maybe she's all going to let Tom go off exploring, man.

Yeah, I mean, you know, I think.

You can't.

Don't marry a supermodel.

Go marry like a good girlfriend.

Like a solid five.

Like a New Englander.

Like a five or six.

Somebody who worships him and is never going to ever do anything crazy like what Giselle did.

Wait, what?

You think...

I think he should go back to New England, get a good Boston girl

that knows

all the things.

Like a disguise so they like him for him and not for.

Because if you're Tom Brady, how the fuck can you meet anyone?

Yeah, that doesn't know who you are and what you've accomplished.

And not

think like, she wants something from me.

Right, so you might as well just go back to New England where you're a god.

And you're not.

Fuck some slop.

No, no, no, no, no, no,

no.

End of the night at the bar.

He's like, that's the girl for me.

You guys won't take this seriously.

It's fucking traumatizing.

What's traumatized to you?

I don't want to talk about it.

Tell him, Steve.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

It's over.

I'm going to

shut it down.