#536: Salmon In The Microwave

He is our only, well, no, he's not.

Technically, he's the only office employee.

Sure.

I do tell him that Sox has seniority.

Oh, he's a fucking prick.

He was amazing.

Like this 50-year-old policewoman is Angie Dickinson, and she's going undercover, fucking busting porn rings.

She's like, going in as a newbie porn star.

She's in her 50s,

surrounded by 17-year-old girls.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave.

I'm here with old Walt Flanagan.

Old.

That's Steve.

An old BQ.

A little younger, but not.

And I'm old, bro.

Yeah.

We're here to spin some yarns.

Tell you about the good old days.

Yeah, we used to be.

Yeah.

The way things used to be.

It was better back then, right?

Everybody says that.

At what point does that end, though, where

people that were born in the 1900s get to the 1920s and they're not like, oh, it was better in 1910, right?

Or all the kids are working on the body.

Probably electricity.

Yeah, like indoor plumbing.

Yeah.

And once you hit that,

we were pretty much peaked.

Yeah.

If you could exist in a

like, not like dinosaurs or old-time US or whatever, but from like

what generation would you prefer to be a part of?

You happy with your generation?

Would you like to be from the generation before?

Generation after?

Oof, what a good question.

I think that

I'm probably right where I'm supposed to be.

I liked the time I grew up in.

You're like, how do you think you would fare being like a kid of two?

But you had to pick one other.

You have to pick one.

I mean, ancient Greece would probably be nice.

It has a lot of fun.

A lot of party.

Yeah.

No cell phone cameras.

Right, but no medicine, though.

No medicine for syphilis.

It's all.

If you know you're going to catch it.

Yeah.

Because you're not, because your body's all like pussified from being in the 2000s.

Oh, it's my body now?

I thought I was just raised.

Oh, you're going back.

Yeah.

No, but

he's at this age, too.

He's not even young.

Well, he's going back as a 2000 man back to ancient Greece was a man.

No, I don't want to go back.

I'm final here.

I couldn't live there knowing about electricity.

You know what I mean?

And indoor plumbing and air conditioning.

But you got to imagine, like, how much cleaner was the air back then?

How much better was the food?

You know what I mean?

The skies, everything was probably just.

Weren't they dumping sewage right in the streets?

Yeah, but there were only like 300 people.

So how much sewage was there?

Yeah,

we're dumping it right at like in a pot, like right into the.

I didn't even have roads.

So it's just like

on the sidewalk and into into the gutters and shit.

I didn't think they dumped it out in Greece.

I thought that was like...

They were like running water pipes and stuff.

Yeah, I thought that was like France.

I was much more veteran than I originally thought.

Yeah, you know.

I mean, look,

I don't want to go anywhere.

I feel very lucky to have grown up when I grew up.

I think I would like to go to the 1950s greaser.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Singing on street corners.

Do whopping.

Wopping around, greasing my hair.

You think you have what it takes to be a hood, or would you just be like one of the most harmless of the hood?

I'd be a poser, definitely.

But, you know, nobody even knows what that word is back then, though.

No.

Yeah.

They take one look at you.

They're like, he's a greaser.

I mean, he's got all the hard parts of a greaser.

You know, I know the lingo from watching all the fucking shows.

So I'll fibrillate yourself

so perfect, perfectly into that era.

There's a Stephen King book where a guy finds this trapdoor or something.

He goes back to around the JFK assassination, like right before it, to see if he could stop it.

That could be you.

Like, you know, you know, all the parlance of the time, so like, you would fit in very well.

It's back to the future, too, right?

So I go make bets.

I'm not going to do any of that stuff, though.

That always fucks up everything.

Not even, you're not going to wet your beak just a little.

Nope.

No, because that's just, you can't just wet your beak a little.

Nobody can wet their beak a little.

Once it gets wet, you want it wet.

You want it soaked.

that's the thing like nobody's disciplined enough just not to do it yeah except for you me yeah you could do it what about you me yeah uh i would i would like to go back to a little bit earlier in the 60s i think probably a good time you know that way like because at this point now i'm just like like i just look around me and i'm just like i can't believe this is what the world is i cannot believe this is what everybody's fighting about like it's

like when we first started telling Steve Dave, I guess I was a younger, more irascible young man where I was fucking mad at all this shit.

What is that word?

Irascible, like

just pissy and

quick to jump at.

Yeah, quick to be outraged.

Yes.

I was very quick to be outraged.

What's that?

And

you look at that in your light and you feel that you've grown since then.

No, I feel like I've been broken since then.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, time will do that.

It will.

Like, there's just shit that I'm just like, I just don't care.

Like, I'll

look at the post every morning, and there'll be one or two articles still that I'm just like, do you believe this shit?

And Mary Beth just doesn't even listen because it's always something.

Oh, it's clickbait, man.

It is.

It's designed to make people be like,

Yeah, and it works on me.

It definitely works on me.

I'm like, do you believe this shit?

But some of the stuff is true.

Like, some of the stuff stuff I'm just like, I can't.

The way they phrase it,

the way they word it, though, is just to fucking get under certain people's skin.

So, you know, they were like, this is the way it's going to be.

Oh!

It's not the way it was.

This is the way it is, and it's all for the better.

The way they say it,

and if you don't think so, you're an idiot.

You're an asshole.

Or you're a racist jerk off or whatever.

And that is designed specifically to get people to click, click, click, click, click in an anger.

And then I read it and I get pissed.

And then I'm just like, then the realization washes over you that there's like, there's nothing I can do about it anyway.

Nobody gives a fuck about my opinion.

You can go to your fucking, your, your, your first true love, and you're still your true love.

Pills?

No, it's a fucking television set.

Turn the TV on.

Just fucking

turn Fonzie on.

Sorry, Beth, this is when

these were the good old days right here.

Sit on it, Mary Beth.

You and

your generation could sit on it.

Yeah, don't ever grab me again.

You're not that far off.

We've been watching, we're into season two of Little House on the Prairie.

Wow.

Holy shit.

That is a fucking Hallmark fucking message every episode.

Dude, every single episode.

It's so cool.

What are you doing to yourself and her?

She likes it.

She's like, I think it's cute.

I'm like,

because I first, I played an episode because I was like, this is like,

this is typical 70s prime time fair that you would sit there and watch with your family because there was nothing else.

Seven o'clock.

Yep, there was nothing else to watch.

Wow.

So that's what you would watch.

Never watched it.

No, you never watched it?

I hated it, yeah.

I watched like one episode and I knew it wasn't for me.

It's not even like, like looking back, they don't even have

good action scenes.

Like

you're on the prairie, you figure some wolves would come by, you know, or a bear or something.

Dire wolves.

It's not a mass.

Yeah, some dire wolves come and get you.

Why not Dukes of Hazzard or something like that?

It's the General Lee.

It's the fucking

flag.

You can't watch the Dukes of Hazard.

I mean, I can watch Glory.

It's about the Civil War.

That flag's all over it.

I mean, why can't I watch it?

Well, it's not streaming anywhere.

It's fucking persona number.

They canceled it, man.

It's not anywhere.

You can't find it anywhere.

I don't think you can find it, no.

Oh, all right.

But I've been watching it.

Turn around to this.

It's way better and way more absurd and just awesome policewoman.

Policewoman?

Like, this 50-year-old policewoman is Angie Dickinson, and she's going undercover, fucking busting porn rings.

She's like, going in as a newbie porn star.

She's in her 50s.

She's surrounded by 17-year-old girls.

Oh, my God.

It sounds great.

It's like a 1975 fucking drama that is just so over the top where all the girls are like, like popping pills so they can get ready to do the scene.

And then they're out on the ledge going, I can fly.

Pepper's like, Give me your hand, give me your hand, come in.

And she's like, I don't want to do this anymore, Pepper.

And so, like, she goes into undercover into jails, like where she spends a night in jails, and she and the tough, like, they don't call them lesbians, but you know, they're like, you're going to be mine tonight.

Oh, and so she's got to get out of jail in time before she's taken.

I can fly.

Amazing.

I'm telling you, man.

It's like the X-rayed version of Little House in the Prairie.

All right.

First episode today.

Where do you find it?

Actually, I watch it the old-fashioned way.

I watch it every day on Me TV Plus at 5 p.m.

Oh, it was scheduled for it.

Yeah.

That's where I got my friend Cooley Nick kick,

Me TV.

They just had an hour-long documentary on him the other day that I watched from beginning to end with commercials.

Did it talk about how he fucking dissed us?

No, surprisingly, we didn't come off.

He did this us.

I don't know if you knew this.

I asked him if he wanted to judge on the Sunday Jeff Halloween show.

Yeah.

And he kind of made it be known that.

He didn't say no, but he was just like, he gave a thousand and one excuses.

Yeah.

And he said, give me a call or drop me a line in a couple weeks.

And I was just like, fuck it.

I didn't even drop the line.

There were so many like, I got to do this.

I can't do this.

I can't do this.

I can't do this.

Okay.

I can't come to New Jersey because I'll be too busy in New York going to Big Apple Con Con or whatever the fuck it is, New York Comic-Con.

Well, I didn't even want him to come in.

I just wanted to call in.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But it's fine.

I still like watching him.

Yeah.

I have nothing against.

You know, he's, you know, he's not as fucking

dead inside as he claims to be.

You know what?

Well, that was personal.

Yesterday I was, you know, like, we woke up.

I was lying in bed there, and Mary Beth is like, she's always, she's very affectionate.

She's constantly like, I love you, blah, blah, blah.

And she's like, I love you.

Like, I didn't say anything back.

Cause I think it's weird when you like, I love you too.

Like, you don't have to say it every time, right?

Sure.

And she goes, your eyes are so empty.

I was like, what?

Is that a compliment?

She's like, I love you.

Your eyes are so empty.

No, that is usually not.

No, it wasn't a compliment.

No.

It was more of an observation.

A fear, perhaps.

Yeah, I was just like, what's that supposed to mean?

Like, like, devoid of what?

Like, anything?

She's got doll's eyes.

Yeah.

I think she thinks I have dolls' eyes.

Yeah, she's just like, your eyes are so empty.

And then I started making me think.

I'm like, am I dead inside?

What's going on?

Were you sleeping with your eyes open?

No.

You know who does that, though?

Sage.

Like, I'll walk in there, like, wake Sage up, and I'm like, what the fuck?

Monster.

Oh, man.

Empty eyes.

Is that

what I'm talking about?

Is that a product of

age and other things?

What, the empty eyes?

Yeah.

Or

I don't even think you do have empty eyes.

I didn't think so either.

No, I never thought that.

I think they're always

flaring and raging.

Staring.

Judging.

Yes.

Like a fucking Terminator.

I got four.

Like, look at this fat fuck.

I'm fatter than he is, but I'm still going to judge him.

Oof.

See,

I had a couple of things I wrote wrote down.

Yeah.

Yeah, what did I write down?

Oh, the Halloween parade.

That's what I wanted to ask you about.

How was it?

It was good.

It was good.

I had a lot of fun.

I didn't go in it this year like I thought I was going to because we ended up finding a cozy little bar that was filled with people who were in costume and stuff.

So it was so cool we ended up just like hanging out in the bar bullshit and stuff like that.

We got out just as the parade was ending and then walked the streets.

But, like, when the parade ends, the streets, like, you know, each street becomes its own mini parade.

So, we just walked around the village, went to Washington Square Park, like, just walked around.

It was fun.

I was in my costume, had a good, had a good time.

Did it feel dangerous?

Uh, dangerous atmosphere, no, no, not at all, not even a little bit.

Huh.

I just can't remember.

Did you tell us what you were going to be in, or did you not want anybody to know?

No, I was a Ghostbuster.

Oh, that's right.

You did tell us that.

That's right.

Yeah, which Ghostbuster?

Venkman?

It says Quinn.

Quinn.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I really, I really go for it.

If you really went for it, you would be Winston.

Yeah.

Sedmore or something.

I'm like, what's up, guys?

It'd be an honor to be Winston, man.

He's the fucking greatest.

But no, it was myself.

Yeah.

Could you like

let's say you went as Winston.

But you wore like dark sunglasses.

Yeah.

So they can't really tell it's you.

Like they can't tell it's Brian Quinn.

Do you still get attacked on the streets?

I mean, am I in blackface?

Yeah.

Of course you are.

Well, then, yes.

I don't know if I get attacked, but I'm certainly getting fucking

guff.

I'm getting plenty of guff.

Well, I love the Ghostbusters.

Why don't I get a pass?

Yeah, I think if I just wore the Winston

suit,

didn't do the onesie.

Yeah, I don't think people would be like, what's wrong with this guy?

Absolutely.

You had the blackbase.

It's a whole different world.

Yeah, it's a whole different world.

It's one of those things where you're like, look,

society told me I can't do this.

What am I going to do here?

What stand am I taking?

I asked everybody, and they all agreed.

I didn't even have to ask.

Everybody made their fucking opinion on it on Blackface.

Luckily, I've never done it.

So now I'm certainly not going to start now.

But there's some celebs that get away with it.

The fucking Kimmel, Alicia.

Sarah Silverman.

That's the one I was going to say, Alicia Silverstone.

Almost.

The fucking Justin Trudeau,

who was the biggest dickhead about it.

He's not an entertainer, though.

Ted Danson, remember?

Oh, yeah.

But this is back.

Howard Stern.

Howard Stern.

Yeah, yeah.

But

it was just that.

I think that's the sort of thing.

Thomas C.

Howell and Soulman.

Yeah.

If you look at the arc of all these people's career, like they definitely, like later in life, were...

kind of stopped doing that stuff and moved on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I think that's like what really people are asking for, right?

Like.

well, some people want a pound of flesh, though.

They still want them to feel.

They want them to pay for shit that was not considered abnormal at the time.

I don't know.

I've always found it.

Even back then, I was just like, this is weird.

Guys in Blackface?

I didn't see it that much, though.

Like, really?

It's not like we grew up in the 40s or anything.

Like in the 70s, like once in a while you would see it, but it just seemed like...

I don't know.

I mean, I'm not tooting my own horn, but even in the 90s, if they're like, hey, you you want to do this i'd be like no

what blackface yeah oh no yeah it's it's crazy yeah you know

and i don't know when the uh i mean

what year was uh the old those people were in the 90s right probably i think ted dancing was late 80s yeah

i think sarah silverman wasn't she in the was did she do it in the 2000s i don't know there are people who make the argument where you're like look it's it's if you're doing if i'm in a movie and i'm not murdering someone you know, and I murder someone on screen, like, I'm not really murdering someone.

So, if you do a movie where you're playing a bad guy who's putting on

blackface, I think, like, they don't do that even anymore.

That's what I mean.

Like, it's just, it's this whole thing that's so radioactive.

The guy Iron Man was in, Robert Downey Jr., he did it.

Oh, Tropic Thunder?

Yeah, well, that's what I'm talking about.

Like, he was doing it, calling it out, and commenting it on the movie.

So, I think it becomes a different thing.

Although, he caught shit, too.

Oh, yeah.

You can't even do it for the right reasons.

That's what the world has come to.

But you can, because he did it.

And he went on to become an Ironman.

He works with Disney.

He's one of, you know what I mean?

He can.

I just.

Yeah, it's context.

It's context.

But either way,

I don't have the nuance to.

Yeah.

And I'm fine with it.

I'm fine with that being off limits.

No problem for me, man.

Speaking of celebrities, another thing we wanted to talk to you about last week was

they're trying to cancel your boy, Bill Murray.

All right, good luck.

He doesn't care, right?

I don't think Bill Murray cares.

Then they released the Ant-Man trailer, and he's in it.

Disney's not pulling you out of trailers.

I think you're all right.

It's Bill Murray, man.

I think if it came out that he fucking,

you know, pulled a Weinstein or did something bad, like, people would be like, yeah.

But what came out, I think a lot of people are like, the guy's just from a different era and he shouldn't be doing it, but I don't know.

But does he do it anymore?

I don't know.

Like, it seemed like all the examples I gave were like from decades ago.

No, he did it in that movie.

That Aziz and Zari movie.

That's that's what brought everything out.

Which one?

That Nziz and Zari movie that he was doing that they canceled, they stopped production because like he straddled.

I don't know the exact story, but he was fucking around with, like, I don't even know who he was fucking around with, but he got like,

I don't know.

It didn't seem sexually physical, but still, like, dude, you probably shouldn't be fucking.

But I think it's, you know,

celebrate the guy for fucking 30 years for doing shit like this.

You know what I mean?

To one day be like, done.

So I don't know.

But it's Bill Murray.

So

I mean, I'm not throwing out my Ghostbusters Blu-ray.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, that made me think of you.

But

poor Bill Murray.

He's fine.

I doubt he cares at all.

We were just talking.

Oh, it was Kanye we were talking about where we like he was

talking about how he was uncancelable and then

he proved to be wrong.

Yeah.

And I would have agreed with him until he started spouting off Jewish stuff.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

He thought, yeah, he thought he was untouchable, but

he thought wrong.

Yeah.

But there are.

We need a little bit of humility, though.

These billionaires.

Yeah.

They need to be taught a lesson, you know, that

you're not untouchable.

Right.

You can't just say whatever the fuck you want because you sing well.

Because Because you have a lot of money.

Yeah.

R.

Kelly found that out.

Can't do whatever you want.

Do you think Bezos is on steroids?

Why?

Is he jacked?

I just saw him with a shirt off.

Ooh.

And

he doesn't have the normal-looking body of a man his age.

Well, he is very rich, and that brings, you know.

the right trainers and the right to work for Steve Jobs.

Yeah.

But I think...

Well, he can't

do you think though that like he's got that body without even doing the workout though?

He's so busy.

I can't imagine him having time to work out.

He's single though now, dude.

So he might be like, I want to like

get in shape.

Why does that happen?

Why does the married man go like,

not worried about my body?

But as soon as you're a single guy, you're like, I gotta worry about my body.

I think that's a mistake.

I think that guy shouldn't do that.

Right.

I think you should always be trying to keep it firm.

Keep it a little tough.

Keep it hard.

Now, I don't practice what I'm preaching in any way, shape, or form.

But yeah,

but

I feel like,

I don't know, you know, you want to feel good about yourself.

You need to get confidence.

You're the most newly married man.

Right.

Why'd you let yourself get so fat?

Like, did you have a certain blank?

As soon as you got it, put the ring on.

You're like, okay, I can let my pants out now.

No, it was her fault.

Not my fault.

Not my fault.

I remember because it took so long,

and it was like a lot of discipline to get down to where I needed to be for the wedding.

And then after the wedding, she was like, all right, well, you don't have to worry about that.

Now, like, you know,

you fit in your suit.

But then it's like

she doesn't care at all, it appears, about my physical condition, which makes it harder for me to care.

Like, if she were like, hey,

should look more like Bezos, then she might shame me into fucking, you know, actually doing something about about it.

It still looks awkward on Bezos.

It doesn't look normal.

It looks like he's got peck implants.

Oh, yeah?

He might.

Who knows?

Yeah, it just doesn't look natural, though.

He's turning into a fucking supervillain right in front of everybody's eyes, and nobody's noticing it.

Except you.

You really hate Bezos.

And I did see a couple days after last week when we did the show, a couple days afterwards, I saw the Kyrie Irving thing and somebody being like, why isn't Bezos seeing to it that this movie is that Booker taken off the why is Bezos allowed to promote this on this platform and not feel any slings and arrows?

Yeah, unless it's like, I mean, you have to think at that level, though.

It's not like somebody's like, Jeff, Jeff,

there's an anti-Semitic film on your website.

It's like there's supposed to be people there for oversight.

And as soon as that came out,

the second it came out, as a team of people who should be on that, you should be able to trust them to be like, what?

Take that shit off there.

It doesn't belong up there.

Yeah.

But let's not talk about Amazon.

Let's talk about something else.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Let's talk about.

Let's see.

What are we talking about?

I'm sorry.

Let's see.

Oh, one thing we always love to talk about.

Old Raycon.

Oh, yeah.

Love Raycon.

Where are my Raycons?

Well, I was blowing my leaves the other day.

There's so many fucking leaves.

Oh, my God.

I love that joke.

What did you say?

He said, blowing leaves.

I said, whose leaves?

Blowing leaves.

Since I was like 13, it's been the best joke.

It's a pretty good one.

That's the first time I've ever heard it.

Really?

Yeah, me too.

Oh, no.

I can't believe.

I mean, just to be clear, I know it's not a banger.

It's more of a nostalgia thing at this point.

I don't think I'm lighting the world on fire with that one.

Now, why are you blowing a leaves?

Whose leaves?

Just to get them out of the driveway.

Like, I can't get them out of the yard because the grass is too long.

I've got to find somebody to cut the grass.

But just to get them out of like the, like,

they're like over my ankles

in the driveway.

So I just like blow the ones in the dark.

What's the worst thing?

I've got leaves stuck in my socks and shit, you know.

What are you walking around with no shoes on?

No.

Yeah.

How loose are these socks?

How high are your high waters?

I got them pitched up above my ankles.

No, it's like if I go outside, it's like all the leaves, like you know, you're walking, like they stick to your pants and shit and

stick to your socks.

So I just, I like to get them out of the way of like where we are.

I've never had horses from my socks.

No, never.

Damn.

I don't know how to stop it,

but so many leaves make their way into the house also.

Like every time I turn around in the kitchen, same with you or no?

The little ones, the tiny little ones, yeah, yeah.

All over the fucking place.

Yeah.

Wow, no.

Like, how are these getting in here?

That's That's when I beat a servant and

then it's taken care of toot sweet, my friend.

That's what I'm going to have to do.

I don't have a servant, but I'll smack Mary Beth around a little bit.

I don't have one either.

Like, I don't want these leaves.

Well, let's talk while Walt's taking a quick break doing something.

Q, maybe we'll talk about what we love, which is

Raycon.

I put the Raycons in

my old ear holes and started blowing leaves.

It was listening.

Yeah, I know.

Did you step in it?

Have you started shopping for the holidays yet, Q?

No?

No.

Literally, why not?

You know the irony of the.

Yeah, I'll tell you something about that afterwards.

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

You know, most gifts don't go bad, right?

The only thing that goes bad between now and December are the crowds at the mall.

12 children screaming, 11 minutes to find.

Okay, I'm not going to read all that.

Oh, is that the 12 days of Christmas?

But done hilariously by talking about how shitty it is to shop anywhere else, but Miyundi's or Rayfo.

This is Raycoff.

Oh, Raycoff.

12 children screaming, 11 minutes to find parking, 10 Karens Karening.

Oh, that's good, though.

The list goes up.

Yeah.

Quit Karening out on me.

I wonder how much Sage called my mother and sister Karens

of this spot.

I don't know.

How much we think in the

five figures?

What?

I met a woman named Karen who started introducing herself now as Karen.

Because of the

whole Karen thing.

Yeah.

Like, anybody I know what the name Karen is, like, my life is ruined.

It's really unfair.

It's strange how, like, that name caught on.

And they try they've tried to do like something for men, like, to call them Kevin's or Ken's, but it just doesn't.

Kevin's is such a cool name.

You can't really feel it.

It doesn't just doesn't work.

Yeah.

You know, there's such such thing as a male Karen, I guess.

Sage called my sister and uh and uh my mother Karen's the other day.

It was fucking pretty good.

They were talking about complaining about some hotel they went to.

Like, they go to some fucking hotel up in

Tarrytown, you know, Sleepy Hollow.

And I guess they didn't warn them ahead that the hotel restaurant would be closed for like some private event.

So they were Karening out?

They Karened out?

Oh, boy.

Yeah, well, why weren't we told?

Blah, blah, blah.

It's like, who the fuck eats in the hotel restaurant?

If I were both you guys, I'd be worried that Brian might be the one, might become the male.

Oh, dude, I just went through QAnon.

I'm not worried about anything anymore.

A lot of people made jokes about QAnon based upon

during the height of it.

Yeah, I heard like one or two.

No, nothing funny, which is a real shame.

These leaves.

Yeah, nothing fancy.

Nothing is whip smart as that.

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All right.

Let's see.

Got a special guest.

We don't really have guests that often.

No,

this is a special guest.

Yeah, we're not talking special like Gita where it's like, oh, shit, you can't be here.

We've mentioned him on the pod.

I'm sure he knows the first episode we did.

where he was referenced by name or by old handle.

But I don't think you've ever been on, right?

Or have you been on?

No, never been on.

I've been on like a little closer to you.

I've done a little insert for a Patreon thing, but that's about it.

For a tidbits, we're talking about the one and only

curator.

Curator.

The guy who knows more about Tell him Steve Dave than anybody at this table.

I'd give him run for his money.

Would you?

Yeah.

I think so, huh?

Yeah.

I fucking lived it.

You did live it, but goddamn it.

Is it hard to remember?

Like, who sent this?

I didn't want any drugs either.

Yeah.

That's true.

That helps.

There is a blank six-year window.

I stumped him.

Did you?

Whenever we did it, we did a thing.

It hasn't come out yet, but he got stumped.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

He brought some old,

some really obscure shit to tell.

But you know what?

That's not, I don't want to take him down to Peck.

Yeah.

Fuck a curator.

He's here.

Yeah, like he's here.

He sucks.

No, how do you feel about

Groupie?

TSD Groupie.

What's up?

What happened to the Groupie?

No, I mean, her knowledge

has to rival his own.

Yeah, I think she'd be one of the few people that give me, aside from Walt, a good run for my money.

Last time, like

she was even on.

Wasn't it the first 10 episodes?

You're thinking of a different groupie.

You're thinking of Samuel.

Oh, no.

You're thinking of Sam the Groupie.

No, TSD Groupie lives in Barcelona.

Oh, okay.

The online chick from Spain,

who is extremely knowledgeable

and hardcore?

Hardcore.

But, like,

you're the goat of TSD listeners, I would have to say.

I mean, I wouldn't say it, but if you want to say,

you know why?

I'll tell you why.

Because I know there's because you're here.

No, because

there is no doubt that there's some things you don't like that we do,

but you never fucking say it.

You'll never go on here and be like, well, I didn't like this, and I didn't like this.

He's just like, you didn't like it.

You just don't say anything.

Right?

That's just the way

something.

Why are you like, yeah, like, I would never like, like, go out and say, like, oh, well, I didn't like this.

Here's why I would have did this.

And

shut the fuck up.

You don't redo that on the show all the time.

Not just something I love, though.

Like, if I truly love something, though, I'm not going to go fucking like, well, my voice needs to be heard.

And I have to tell them why I didn't like this certain aspect of it.

Yeah, I understand.

Right?

I mean, if I really, really adore something, I am not going to take the time to tell those people I didn't like this certain thing you did.

No,

you tend to focus on something you love, on the stuff you love, not the parts that.

But, you know,

I don't know.

How long you've been listening?

I've been listening since, I want to say

about a year and a half into the show.

Give or take a little bit.

I can't remember the exact.

Back then you were a Smod fan.

Yeah.

Well, yeah, started as Smod fan, and then you gave the curator title.

So it's still the, I mean, the Twitter is still at Smod Fan.

I'm still at Smod fan.

I mean, it's still at SmodFan, but it's just the nickname display name.

I love the fact that you abandoned SmodFan, but you have to.

We'll have to talk to Elon.

Get him the name.

Unsurprisingly, that curator was taken.

Do you have a blue check as

curator?

Oh, no.

We're going to work on that.

Well, I mean, it's just eight bucks.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Ming said that he, I got last week.

We texted Ming.

He didn't text back in time to see if he would pay for for the blue check mark.

He says no, he would not.

But what I don't understand because I so I have a blue check mark.

Now they want me to pony up for it or if you go to your no, you're not grandfather name.

If you go to your

like

table, not table of contents, what's it called?

Like the menu or whatever with all your information on it, it has like, at least the other day, it had something called Twitter Blue.

And if you punch that, it allows you to sign up for Twitter Blue, which means you get your check mark.

You can post long-form audio and video.

And one other thing I can do.

You can edit tweets.

You can edit tweets, yeah.

Oh, sounds great.

So for only $8 a month.

Yeah, for you, yeah.

I think it is beneficial to you.

Sure.

In case you should.

For a few more years, yeah.

Right.

But, you know, for

guys like...

I don't know if it's beneficial to like, I don't have blue check, but if I did, I would be like, I'm not getting nothing out of it.

Yeah.

I agree with that, too.

Yeah, I mean, we have it for like the Tolum Steve Dave account, but who's trying to imperson this?

That's really what it is.

It's like like BQ, it makes sense because otherwise you'll have like, you know, the real BQQ.

Yeah, I get that already, yeah.

Yeah.

Fake Instagram, all that shit.

Everybody trying to personally.

So why are you in Jersey?

I mean, to visit the store.

Where are you from?

Georgia.

So we drove up.

We went through DC here.

Then we went to New York or two days ago and just kind of

we did a little bus tour.

So you just get off.

We walked around Chinatown.

We walked around

the Times Square and a couple little areas because we had gone up before and done like the city pass where you hit like big event things.

So this time we kind of wanted to just explore the city, no real big events.

Is this the first time you're at the Hazlitt location?

Yes.

What'd you think?

It's great.

I mean, it's nice that you guys have your own kind of more defined space.

I'm assuming it's nice to not have people constantly wandering and not knowing what the hell's going on.

Well, we still have that.

That's good.

Yeah, A lot of people wander upstairs in a building.

It's weird.

There will be people who come in.

I think this place used to be even years before, or maybe a neighboring office, a hearing aid place.

So we get a lot of seniors who are angry that

we're not here to help them with their hearing aid issues.

Really?

Yeah,

they're cranky.

When I tell them they're in the wrong building now.

Is the hearing aid place still within the

street now?

But it's hard to describe because it's kind of off to the left and across the street.

So I have to then walk outside and show them where it's at.

Oh, God.

And they're still not, you know, there's still no gratitude even after me walking down and showing them where it's at.

They're still

rambling as they walk away.

Yeah, I saw

it.

I saw Gallagher died.

Yeah, Gallagher passed away.

And then, in the same breath, Kevin Conroy.

Kevin Conroy, back.

Also passed away.

And I'm like, I'm 66.

I'm like, my God, that's only 12 years away.

Like, most people don't think, like, I'll probably die in my mid-60s.

Like, they hope for usually.

He had pretty aggressive cancer, right?

Oh, did he?

I wasn't sure.

I just wasn't familiar with that.

Yeah, I think that's what I heard.

He had pretty aggressive cancer.

And what a bummer.

Yeah, we lost Benjamin Kat this week.

and I can't even get into it because I'll just I'll have to talk about it one day or else I'll just be crying in front of the

it's only been like five or six days and like every day I'm just like

the mood was low around uh the Johnson household as well.

Yeah.

Harry Beth cried quite a bit.

Yeah, I appreciate that.

You know, he was he was a very special cat.

I know that you know a lot of the listeners were reached out on

Twitter and Instagram.

And

you know, I did what I never do and I read them all.

You know what I mean?

Like, I mean, at one point on Instagram, there were over 10,000 comments, so I couldn't read them all.

But

it was pretty nice to see that stuff, and it was

this is what I'm talking about.

If I give it another 10 seconds, I'll stop crying.

But I do want to say,

it it felt really, and I never would have thought it helped as much as it did to have so many people reach out, but it did because it was, it showed I did a good job of

explaining what he meant to me.

Yeah,

I thought that was

a great post.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, the post, but even just over the years.

Yeah, like bringing him into the show very early on and all that shit.

Yeah, and it was, so that made me feel like I had.

You let the world know he was as special as he was.

He was.

I couldn't ever let the world know how special he was because

people would think I'm crazy.

Like if I talked about how smart he really was and what he really meant to me,

people would think I'm insane.

But it did mean a lot to me, and I appreciate everybody that took the time to reach out.

Thank you, guys.

That's it.

There you go.

We get into it another day.

Fuck Kevin Conroy.

Yeah, another guy, Gallagher.

Yeah.

What did fucking Gallagher ever do except Sleck?

Slechimatic.

Yeah, I know.

Me and Sal saw him like five years ago.

I remember talking to you about that.

You said you were going to see him.

Didn't you need to talk to him when he was bitter?

Oh, he's a fucking prick.

It was amazing.

I didn't mind.

Like, it was one of those guys where I'm like, I love that he's a prick.

But yeah, he was just like bitter and kind of mean to the audience and stuff like that.

And

was it Gallagher 2?

No, it was

the original.

Yeah, yeah.

And

as advertised, Walt, he

smashed a bunch of watermelons and it was glorious.

To get some watermelon on you is like

getting like Gene Simmons' blood on you, right?

Yeah, yeah.

He actually pulled me up on stage, and he didn't.

It's not like I don't think he would ever fucking know who we were.

He was just picking people from the audience, and I happened to lock eyes with Gallagher.

And he brought me up to smash something, and I didn't smash it to his liking, so he insulted me and sent me off stage.

I was like, it's the fucking best.

I'm fine with that, man.

I'm fine with that.

So, yeah, but yeah, we lost some giants this week.

Yeah, I agree.

Anyway, sorry.

Anyway.

Tom Brady, poor Tom Brady, the hits keep coming.

FTX, the cryptocurrency thing he was pimping.

I was aware of this.

Yeah,

went belly up big time, like lost billions.

Well, you know what?

I mean, it's a,

if you can't understand

a currency.

Right.

I mean, it's bound to fucking like, this is inevitable, I would have to think.

I think the celebrities

that were a part of it lost paper.

Like, not dollars, but, like, money on paper.

It's, like, if this exchange reaches this much, you'll get, like, these rewards as it goes on, kind of thing.

Yeah, I don't think they were like, let's give

Tom Brady, you know.

100 million in fucking whatever currency, whatever cryptocurrency it was.

He should have cashed out immediately.

Should have, yeah.

If he was able, but yeah.

It might come back.

I mean, crypto, I don't know if it's a good idea.

I think it's this particular fund the guy fucked up.

Like, whoever was running the fund.

It's because I could run by like a 20-year-old kid.

If you were to,

let's say,

let me be your financial advisor, and I was like, I want to put all your assets.

I'm going to put like, not all of them.

I'll go, I'm going to go 85% in crypto.

I'm going to laugh at this.

If you told me 5%, I'd be like, you're fired.

When I ate it.

No, I bought like fucking like grand in crypto.

I'm about good with that.

Yeah.

Okay, that's a little too high for you.

You know me, man.

I don't want to work.

It's the future, Kim.

Yeah, I'm good with the money I have.

In like tax-free municipal bonds and shit like that.

Slow earners, but they're not going to go away.

And I'm going to go with the rest of it in GameStop.

Yeah.

You know what, though?

For one week or two, you would look like a fucking genius.

Right, but I don't know if I think that week has long since passed.

We sold that week, though.

You know, that'd be pretty good.

Yeah, I tried to buy

the theater.

What was it, Lowe's?

Lowe's was the other one.

Oh, AMC was the other one.

I tried to buy AMC.

I bought it, and then they reversed the sale.

No.

Yeah, because that's what that was like at that moment where everybody was doing it.

Oh, shit.

And

I had Bed Bath and Beyond, but then I sold it because it just wasn't moving.

And then recently it moved because some guy like

some guy.

I want to know who these fucking people are.

They invest 10,000 in something and end up making like 11 million.

I don't know.

Why can't I be a financial brain like that?

Because we're fucking about leaves.

We're a fucking house in a little house in the prairie.

I know.

Some of these motherfuckers have like three screens.

Yeah.

Matrix all over them.

And none of them are Little House on the Prairie.

Do you do any of that?

Any dabble in crypto?

No, no.

I don't trust it.

No, okay.

You're a smart man.

I have some Bitcoin.

Very small amount of Bitcoin.

Yeah, I have a small amount of Ethereum, and I Doge.

Dogecoin?

Yeah, I bought and sold Dogecoin a couple times.

Like $100 in it a week.

Now, without getting too technical, do you understand it?

It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

I know people who have explained it to me intelligently to a point where I was like, oh, okay, I could see it, but I don't get it.

Me and me too.

Yeah.

I think most people, if they were honest, probably don't get it either.

There's a few who get it, and they know it's a pyramid scheme.

And

then they throw it out, they throw the mumbo-jumbo around, and make people go, like, yeah, it's possible.

Sure, but isn't this, it's like the stock market is not much.

You know, it's all a scam.

It's all a fucking scam, bro.

The only thing that's real is.

TSD.

Yeah.

Want to read

what I want to do?

I would say we should try to be the first public podcast to go public, like on the

stock exchange.

Can we do that?

I don't know.

I have to look into it.

We definitely can if we did it the right way.

The question would be: how the fuck would the shareholders make any money?

They wouldn't.

It would just cost the product.

Yeah.

I remember like years and years ago, Kevin suggested the same thing.

He's like, why can't we just sell stock in view askew?

I was like, because you fucking spend everything you make.

There's no money left over.

Yeah.

I wonder, though, if we could sell symbolic shares in the company.

Oh, like suitable for framing?

Like fucking acres on the moon.

Yeah.

You know?

Like a symbolic ownership of television.

You would come across this so fucking

like P.T.

Barnum reborn right there.

But you think about it.

Like, I remember back in the day, Pam was super into Farmville.

Yeah.

And she'd be all excited if she got like this special fucking tool or this special machine.

Or, you know, she would

go out and get Farmville cards and buy all this shit.

And the whole time I'm like, but none of this really exists.

Like, this isn't real.

Like, the second

glitch happens in your account, you don't own any of this shit anymore.

Yeah, it's actually happening to me a little bit now with,

actually, it's not the same thing, but all my Marvel comics got wiped out of my iPad, and I'm having a hard time getting them back, which you said years ago.

I meant to mention that to you.

Sorry, this might not be good.

Oh, no, no, go ahead.

Because

you were saying, like, you know, if you don't buy the issue, do you ever really own the comic?

Oh, so you bought the issues from Marvel app.

Through the Marvel app.

Now something has got a new iPad and I'm trying to restore the purchases on it.

And I hit the restore purchase, and it's just not working.

And I'm like, all those comics are just fucking gone.

All that money you spent, too.

Gone.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So sorry, I didn't mean to take over the farm building.

No, no, no.

It's just, but it proves the point that it's like you don't really

own numbers, and really, you're just leasing them at the whim of whoever

licensed them to you or whoever you downloaded it from.

Yeah?

Right.

So what's to stop us from doing the same thing?

Would you buy a share of TSD?

A symbolic share?

I mean, I think I would have to.

That's what I'm talking about.

I don't trust cryptocurrency, but I guess I'd probably trust that.

Like, what would a share go for, you think?

What would be a fair number, like a dollar?

A dollar?

So now we're like penny stocks for we're not even like blue chip.

Well, you can buy like a minimum, a dollar a share, but you got to buy a minimum of like $50.

50 shares?

50 shares.

Right.

And then you get like a nice stock certificate suitable for framing.

Which like the frame is worth more than

a foil stamp, like an embossed foil stamp.

I know we'll talk to Ming.

Yeah,

man.

I don't know.

Talk to Ming.

We'll get some of those old hologram stickers he couldn't use.

Oh, that's right.

He's in Dubai.

Yeah, he didn't think he was going to go like up until the last minute.

He was like, yeah, I don't know.

It's looking shaky.

But then he went.

He's texting me photos of people in Dubai wearing Telensteve dave t-shirts yeah how cool is that i think it's pretty cool i think we should start texting like i'm sure the government like watches every fucking communication we should start texting him like anti-Islamic shit

so they hunt him down

like pictures of Muhammad

acted all fae or something

this office

please do it at a time I'm not here well you think they're gonna come back to hurt us we're just trying to play a prank on Ming Yeah, we're just trying to get him beheaded.

I think those Charlie Hebdo guys were like, fucking like, we're just publishing a magazine.

You out of your mind?

And if it does work, I mean, get him,

Ming gets beheaded.

What's the payoff here?

I don't know.

I mean, no payoff for Ming.

Yeah.

But like, we were able to do that?

We were able to get our friend beheaded.

what is the what is the percentage of population though that recognizes Ming over there?

I know he saw some people with some teleham see if they've shirts on

I guess there's also a factor of like how many

of these cons

happen over there and how many guests do they get so like is

is Ming like a fucking a like a solid get

I saw I was watching I was looking at Instagram and I saw somebody was announcing, like, here's what's coming up with the con.

We have celebrities such as this one and that one.

And like, Ming was like third.

And like the first two, I didn't recognize either.

But like, they are really trying to sell the con on.

Have you seen his booth?

It's fucking amazing.

Yeah.

Yeah, it looks good.

It's got a great book.

It's amazing.

So like he looks

like he's having the time of his life.

But he better be careful, though.

Emperor's new clothes, baby.

It's a different world over there, man.

Yeah.

Like you can get fucking, you can get put in jail for making out on a beach.

Remember that?

Especially if, you know.

Oh, if it's like

brought Mike with him.

Each blanket bingo.

Get out of jail.

It's blowing leaves on the beach.

Who's leaves?

It's great.

It's a great joke.

What is this, sir?

That's leaves, my friend.

We need to see your cell phone.

Who is Brian Johnson?

And explain this caricature.

We're sending a hit squad to New Jersey.

All right, so we brought this guy to sit here and not say anything.

What is he here for?

I think just being here, right?

That's a vacation experience.

Oh, we're not relying on him for any content or anything like that.

We're just giving him.

We're asking about his vacation, and that went absolutely nowhere.

Yeah, I know.

But I don't know him.

I don't know anything about him.

I was just trying to connect.

I don't know.

He's been here since what?

Episode 50?

Probably somewhere around there.

Does he own any stock in this show?

He said he's willing to buy it if we

have a certificate.

Do you work in an office environment when you come home?

Yeah, I mean, a warehouse office kind of combo, sure.

Okay, so I have like Giddam is coming up on his.

Well, it's been over a year since he's been employed by Tom Steve Dave.

He is our only, well, no, he's not technically, he's the only office employee.

Sure.

I do tell him that Sox has seniority.

Cooper's below Gidham, but Sox is above Gidham.

And it's time, I think, to see if he

gets the promotion from office coach

to office manager.

I have a little test here to see how he would do in certain scenarios.

And it's good to have somebody who's in the trenches.

You're so far removed from the trenches,

but you did.

Oh, man.

So you would be able to weigh his answers.

Want to bring him in, see how he does?

Yeah, let's do it.

Now, with the, if he passes, though, does it come with a raise?

Or just

a title?

Well, let me ask you something.

Does he deserve a raise?

Well, I'll have to find out.

I'll read this second ad while we're going and getting

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Oh, that ships it runs.

It sounds like a fucking drug ring.

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Real quick about vitamins.

Yeah.

My mom has been on my back about starting a vitamin regimen for me.

Yeah.

Relentless.

So I finally caved in.

She's like, okay.

She goes, I'll go buy them, you know, and I'll take care of it.

And she goes, what kind of vitamins do you think you would need?

And I was like, well, the only ones I'll take, I said, are Flintstones.

So she's like, okay, it's something.

She goes, at least I'll get you the Flintstones.

And I said, I'll probably need more than a child takes, though, for an adult.

So I'll probably take whatever is recommended for a child I'll just quadruple it

no

four instead of one yeah not a good idea the purples are so good though I could I could find

16 of them in like in a second but I saw she shows she goes okay I'll go get you flintstone sounds like me a couple

years

fucking supply of flintstone gummy bears though how are the gummies

I told her, I was like, I'm not eating these.

I'd be a crazy woman.

Damn it, mom.

You know I don't eat gummies.

I go, why would you buy gummies?

She goes, I couldn't find the hard tablets.

And I was like, I'm not going to eat these.

Then I guess you wasted your money.

I'll see you again when you get the right stuff.

But I'm like, what?

You know that I only eat tablets.

Because that was a long time ago, she goes.

You haven't grown up since then?

It wasn't that literally 50 years ago.

These are like massive

canisters of gummy gummy flintstone vitamins.

She brought like seven of them.

I saw the Father Flanagan special.

Yeah.

Your girl's hair looks pretty good, so it doesn't look like they need any vitamins.

They couldn't use that kind of stuff.

Well, no, they're young.

I don't know if they...

I guess everybody needs vitamins, though.

What are we talking about?

Who are we kidding?

Yeah.

We just did a vitamin commercial.

Of course, the commission wasn't taken care of.

But they don't take vitamins, though.

Vitamins always upset my stomach, though.

That's why I'm I'm like adverse to vitamins yet.

Do you take them with food?

You're supposed to?

Usually yes.

How come?

Why does it upset your stomach anymore?

Because it it just it's you have something in your stomach that helps like cut it almost.

I I that's why I keep you around.

Like I want you to be my personal physician.

Do you know why there's no Betty Rubble?

Do you know why there's no Betty Rubble?

And the Flintstone vitamins?

How come?

Because her and Wilmer are too

too similar.

So they instead of having a Betty Rubble Flintstell vitamin, they made the Flintmobile.

But why?

They thought kids wouldn't want to eat two women?

No, it's just that they looked so similar.

Like, Fred and Barney at least look different.

So they looked so similar.

Wasn't there Dino, too?

Yeah.

Well, Dino, does that have Flintstones cute?

Yeah, sure, of course.

Fucking amazing, right?

Fruity Pebbles also won't be able to do that.

Better than any candy that.

Yeah, they're pretty great.

And I'm with you on the grape ones.

Right?

Yeah.

I could just, like, you know.

Just eat them.

They're like Ludens, that cherry stuff.

I'd look like a cokehead.

It's purple, so you're going to crush them up.

Crushing them up.

I used to like those cherry children's aspirin.

Yes.

No, not cherry.

I liked orange.

Okay.

Until somebody threw it up in the classroom, and all you could smell was vomit and orange.

Because they were so sick, I guess.

Then they said they gave them that popular orange aspirin.

That'll ruin it.

I should take four of these because I'm big.

They're just sitting there and it was just like, you know, like

projectile vomit

all over the desk.

So then you had to wait for a janitor to come in, and you could just smell the orange and the bottom.

Oh, that's rough.

And I could never get that out of my head now, so I can't take baby aspirin.

Damn.

I remember throwing up in school once, and the janitor left the bag of sawdust on my desk.

And it was missing my job to throw it out.

And I'm like, and I don't know.

Like, am I supposed to take this home?

Because I had gotten sick and then I left.

And I came back, and there's this bag on my desk, and I didn't know what it was.

And it's like the teacher's like, oh, yeah, you got to throw that out.

I'd be completely unsurprised if he still had it.

He lost it in the fire.

Sawdust was only a physical accelerator.

All right, so Ginam, you have been employed by TSD for over a year now, correct?

Yes.

You are the office coach.

Yes.

And we thought possibly it was time maybe to bump you up to office manager,

which is different than an office coach.

Manager

has a sort of prestige to it.

Sure.

It means you're making real decisions that affect other people.

We have to give him the autonomy to make decisions.

Yeah, that's going to be tough for Walt.

That is very tough.

There are some times, though, like, but he's a wild card.

He's that,

he'll throw out sometimes something that is perfect.

Like, you know, he will do something on his own.

You're like, you did that on your own?

Amazing.

Amazing.

Then there's other times it's like, you had to be told to do that?

What the fuck?

So it's, so it's, yeah, it's, oh, you're never, it keeps me on my toes.

Sure, of course.

You never know what you're going to get.

But I thought I would.

I mean, this is nice I came in.

He had a bottle of water on the table for me.

Like, that to me speaks of, like, that's thoughtful.

Let me tell you something.

If, Q, if you're showing up,

it's a different get up.

Then he's the manager.

When it's just me and Walter he's dead.

He is definitely cognizant if you're going to be here.

Like, if we're doing a Sunday Jeff show, yeah, it's not the same level of like fucking hyper get him, like, making sure everything's perfect.

That's is that true?

I don't believe so, but I guess

I'm here with an empty can in front of my front of me.

Well, I don't have notices it.

I don't have a Coke Zero in the fridge or anything, but I did have bottles of water.

I appreciate it, buddy.

Thanks, Pat.

So I thought I would give you this test,

see what your answers are, see what the the guys would have answered.

We got a guy in the trenches, a guy who works every day in an office environment to kind of help us because we're so far removed from it.

So our answers might be totally out of whack with what goes on in the real world today in an office

setting.

When's the last time you had a supervisory view?

Ever?

It'd be going back a long time, though.

It would have to be

even pre-recorded.

I don't even think the Community Center

would have, I would have been given a review of.

They would have been like, you got a review while Timmy would have just written down the entry.

He literally just checked off.

Excellent.

Superb, excellent.

And with good reason.

I mean, he had no reason.

Well, if he knew.

He sat around at Drew all day.

What are you talking about?

If he knew some of the nighttime shenanigans, he might not.

Yeah.

Uh-oh.

I might have gotten a different review.

He didn't tell you about that secret camera he installed.

So you guys ready?

Oh, I'm excited by this.

I'm pulling for you, get him.

I want you to get that promotion and that possible race.

Be honest.

Sure.

You know, let us know

if our responses to his response are not what you would get in the real world.

Sure.

Do you get peer-reviewed?

I actually have to do peer reviews for other people.

Oh, excellent.

What are you reviewing on some of the things that you would be reviewing on your employees?

You're an office manager?

I mean, a production manager, yeah.

Oh, whoa, whoa.

Do you have a production coach?

No, we do not have a coach.

Does anyone in Iowa kind of have to wear a softball uniform?

They don't have to, no.

For an entire month.

Oh.

Q,

real quick, I want to talk about Black Friday at Scrash.

We're going to do open again at midnight.

Okay.

Selling new merch.

Well, last year we overshot a little bit.

Didn't we overdo it last year?

Wasn't it like two nights and you didn't have to do two nights?

No, no, no.

We did the one night.

The plan originally was to stay open all night,

starting at midnight.

Yeah, we're going to do it.

I'm not going to be here, I'm going to stay till two.

Okay.

Two o'clock last year would have been the perfect time.

Keenan will be here, though, all night, you know, manning the part of the office manager responsibility.

Well, don't let's not promote him to manager yet.

You're right.

I'm getting ahead of myself.

But he will be, this is to get some of the excitement,

some of the excitement level up for Black Friday.

We've got some special appearances.

We've got Frank Five coming in.

Oh, nice.

I'll come in.

I was here last year.

Remember?

You're going to come in.

I'm going to bring a bunch of, I'm going to have Helen bring a bunch of the RH stuff that we're going to sell.

We're going to do on Black Friday sale right here.

In the daytime, or are we talking midnight time?

What's a good time frame if people want to sell it?

I'll know closer to.

I don't know the schedule yet.

All right.

Oh, I'm not working, so probably.

I'll be here at midnight.

I'm going to be here at midnight.

Thanksgiving night?

Thanksgiving night.

Well, I'll be in Pennsylvania.

Okay, so you'll be here sometime on Friday.

Friday, yeah.

Afternoon.

Afternoon, evening type thing, yeah.

Gotcha.

All right.

But to, like I said, Frank Five will be appearing at some point on Black Friday.

Excellent.

Not at midnight, though.

But at the midnight, to get people excited, Gidden will be in his office coach uniform for pictures.

He haven't been, he hadn't, last year, you know, he got sick and he wasn't available to put the costume on.

Do you think you could still get?

Because

F and Chuck gave us COVID.

Right.

I'm going to be the Baron the whole night.

Oh, okay, great.

We could get pictures with the Baron and the office coach.

Till 2 a.m.

Till 2 a.m.

And, Brian, I'm sure you're going to be here at midnight.

I will be here.

I think Fantasy is having a twerking competition.

What night?

Black Friday?

I think either Black Friday or Thanksgiving Eve.

I can't remember which one it is.

Okay.

We're going to have new merch to sell on Black Friday.

Great.

So it's going to be exciting.

Waltz trying to conduct business again.

Let's talk about twerking.

No, distracting cube.

All his RH

material is now now sitting in Candy's fucking car.

Twerking is not something that ever interested me, but I was excited that Giddam was into it.

Really?

Yeah, man.

I'd like to see him like...

What?

Show signs of heterosexual.

I'd like to see that.

Good old healthy American male.

You know what I'm saying?

Red-blooded American boy.

Yeah, he likes a little twerk in his life.

No, well, not for me, but will Helen be here to sell this stuff, or is she just dropping it off?

Because you'd be doing yourself a favor to come down and cast your eyes on that beauty.

Oh, all right, yeah.

You know, as her cousin and her employee, it's hard for me to agree with that, but I know what you mean, and I'm sure a lot of other people will.

But yes, she might be here.

I don't, you know, she likes doing weird shit.

I'm a little surprised, though, that BQ isn't as it's working though.

What is it about the twerking that turns you up?

It was never a thing that worked for me.

I kind of like, there's no class to twerking.

And I do like a tiny bit of

class.

A pinky in the air.

No.

Fucking pinky in the air.

Let me explain to you a little more.

Before, before fucking.

IJ, you telling me you turn your nose up at somebody twerking in front of you.

Let me explain it to you.

Let me explain it.

Now, all of a sudden, you're like, not for me.

Not at all.

Not at all.

I don't think there's any art to it.

You know, there's no, you know.

What the fuck?

You're looking for a fair lady?

You're looking for some fucking big cheeks fucking slapping in the front of your nose.

I'm not looking for big cheeks slapping in front of my nose.

I never have been.

I never have been.

I think that's one of the issues with twerking is most of the women who do it seem to be amply framed.

And if that's not your thing.

Oh,

that doesn't bother me.

You know, I've been with, I've dated plenty of girls who were amply framed.

I don't have a problem.

I don't know.

I just remember shows past where you were coming down.

We doubt any show in the past where I came down on that.

Why airily framed?

Curator.

Well, you've said it.

The gals that aren't prone to twerk, they're very fucking, like,

not hostile, but they're aggressive.

They're very aggressive.

Perfect word.

It is an aggressive form of.

They're always like looking back at you to make sure you're looking at it.

Yeah, it's like a challenge.

And I'm not up to it.

Like, I'm not up to the challenge.

Or maybe I just feel bad about myself.

You know, I just picture now we're going to have protesters twerking out in front of the studio.

It's going to make people more angry.

And look, Muhammad cartoons were setting.

I'm not against twerking.

I think anybody who wants to twerk should twerk.

Anybody who wants to view twerking should watch it.

It's on the spectrum of sexuality.

I love it.

But you ever seen

that that can break a table?

Well, hold on, now I'm getting interested.

What do you mean?

They can break tables that they do it so fucking ferociously.

Would they be doing that at fantasies?

Don't know.

Have you also seen these twerkers that will hold up traffic?

They'll like, yeah, like down in Miami, I know it was popular for a while where like you would come to like a four-way traffic stop and some lady would go out into the middle of the intersection and just start twerking all over the place.

I would holding up traffic everywhere.

It's going to hold up traffic anywhere.

Yeah, right.

I mean, I'm not saying it had to be specifically Miami.

I'm saying that's where I saw the video.

You could go right now and you could cause a fucking 10-car pileup if you fucking just had kidding twerking.

Just like the Blues Brothers in the cars, they're fucking swimming into each other.

All right, let's get it.

Let's see if we got a fucking manager material here.

All right.

Number one scenario.

Number one.

So

let's paint the picture here that you're in a real office environment.

You're not at the TSD Town General Store, but I want to see how you'd react if you were in charge of a real office with at least

how many people are in your office.

Probably about 10 to 15 in our little area.

Let's say there's 10 to 15 you're in charge of.

Okay.

All right.

How do you handle the coworker who heats up a dish with fish in the break room microwave?

I would.

What kind of asshole would you have?

Kind of.

Kind of.

It has.

Okay, oh, this is great.

Don't tell us how it worked out for you.

Well, it kind of happens already when someone complains about my pork-fried rice.

So,

but how I would handle it is I would leave a delicate note by the microwave to,

you know, please be aware that some.

Yo, motherfucker, there's no sign on here that says I can't cook certain foods.

Well, there will be now.

There will be going forward.

Oh, so there's certain foods.

So there are certain foods that are off limits to put in the microwave.

Yes, anything that is too odoriferous.

Well, what about like you say?

You could get in trouble, though.

It's like Indian food.

No, no, I'm not specifying what.

My culture eats fish.

I'm not saying what the food is.

Well, you have to specify.

No, anything that is considered odorous by a majority of the office.

Okay.

So approach the coworker.

Tell me how you handle it.

Go.

Well, I put up the sign.

And let the sign handle.

I wouldn't.

If it continued, I would have.

Next day, salmon in the microwave.

And someone's draw a fucking caricature of you with a dick in your mouth on your fucking odysterous fucking list of foods that are not allowed in the microwave.

A sign pointing the dick that says leaves.

Is my smelly dick odiferous?

That's all they wrote under it.

You didn't seem to want to smell that dick.

Well, I would compliment that obscene images do violate our HR policies.

You know,

we've had cultural sensitivity, I mean, sexual harassment sensitivity training.

Okay.

And, you know, any further infractions.

But in all seriousness, let's just go back to the fish, though.

There's no note with, you know, with you.

I was hoping there was going to be a second note.

It's only the first one.

People are complaining about the fish

smell.

And the fact that they can't use the microwave anymore because it's now polluted with fish odor.

Because if you put a slice of pizza in there, guess what?

It smells like fish.

Tastes like fish.

Yeah, I would, like I said, I would bring up these points.

I would say, you know, majority of the office, you know, your co-workers, your peers, are having problems with this.

And

it's making it a hostile work environment in all reality.

But you go Democratic.

You're like, most of the office, without polling them, most of the office doesn't like that.

Well, I think that the fact that it comes up to

my notice is that someone complains.

At what point do you remove the microwave?

Which would be my

way I handle it.

Really?

Yeah, I'd be like, if this motherfucker's cooking cinnamon every day, the microwave's gone.

Yeah.

Order in, bitches.

I would say to the point when the microwave becomes damaged, it

gets removed.

Yes.

And that's sadly, there's no more rumor in the budget.

There's no more room in the budget for a new microwave this quarter.

Perhaps next week.

Where's the money?

What'd you do with the money?

Yeah, where's the fucking money?

It wasn't up to me.

We sold all that stock.

it's through our purchasing department uh the curator

he bought five fifty all ones alone

so so nice you would handle it with a note would you address the person who was putting the fish no because i wouldn't want to single them out okay yeah i don't want to accuse someone

but you know who's doing it if you know who's doing it then why wouldn't you single them out because you want to give them the chance to modify their behavior without being called out and feeling bad okay and then if they come in you're like they have fish and they're going to put it in, you're like,

looking at you.

You got to go.

I tap the sign.

Okay.

And you're, and they're like, and they're not, let's say they're not confrontational.

I'm just like, really?

You can control what food I eat?

Like, I'm just shocking.

No, I can't control.

I'm just the office coach.

I don't know.

Did you hear that little voice?

Yeah.

I can't control what food you eat, but we provide this microwave as a courtesy

to the.

I can't believe this.

Wow.

Wow.

I gotta eat.

I need the omega fats because for my health, but you don't want me to be healthy.

Well, there are many cold or cool dishes, even room temperature dishes that involve fish.

Sushi?

Have you tried sushi?

Because I want to spend $80 for lunch every day.

Oh, no, no, no.

If you go to the shop right, there's an amazing rack at the front of the store that has discounted sushi.

Slash expired.

Yeah, days old.

No, it's almost a day old.

So you're telling me, office coach, that I should eat expired sushi.

It is not expired.

It is close to expiration.

Okay.

But expiration days.

I did not expect this.

You know, I did not expect this.

Yeah.

Would you mind if I recorded you?

Well, as I said, the microwave is being provided as a courtesy, as a privilege, and like all privileges, it can be removed.

And, you know, like I said, I'm not singling you out, so we can't, you know, the other members of the office will not play.

All right, I like it.

I mean,

it's not bad.

It's a reasonable answer.

What do you think, Bri, of that response?

I think he's not ready to handle it.

The

delay there, where they like,

and it's tough because back in the day, you could be like, no more fucking fish.

I don't want to hear another word about it.

But today, holy shit, man.

Like Q said, you could be courting a lawsuit.

But you,

Q, tend to lean that he actually had a pretty good answer answer to this.

I think he had a thoughtful answer.

I think it was okay.

I think ultimately it's going to end up in today's day and age of the removal of the microwave is the only way to settle it.

But I think his first steps were good.

Now, curator, you said that this has actually popped up

at your workplace.

Yeah, we got we're lucky enough that we have a big enough space that we made two different break rooms, and one is kind of

prone to smellier stuff.

And one break room that it's kind of...

Wait a minute.

Who who, like, do you work with all men or is there women involved too?

There's women involved, too.

So So, who was like,

guys, this will be the smelly break room, and break room B will be one where there will be no smelly foods.

Thankfully, it's not something that had to be discussed.

It kind of just worked itself out that way.

That one break room is really because it's next to a lot of offices.

So, people, thankfully, are self-conscious enough to try to not cook smelly stuff right next to people's offices.

And the other break room isn't.

It's kind of out of the way a little bit.

And people are courteous enough to be like, I'm going to heat up my

garbage basically left over.

sure in a situation though with only one break room it would kind of have to be like you try saying

you know everybody try to be courteous to everybody else

like hey guys I'm gonna be I'm gonna be turning break room A into a garbage dumpster

for the next few hours

if that's what happens I mean no it's just that anybody who has smellier stuff tends to go to the one do you do you resent the people who fucking are so like

no I mean if I walk through the area I can't I mean like one person that loves like curry and it's like, oh, it just gets everywhere, all in the room.

So I have personal experience with this cue.

Yeah, well, you're a super smelly.

I was.

I was.

But

I remember going up to the office, of the USCU offices, time and time again, and there would be, I would open the door or be let in, and I would be like, what the fuck?

I would hit you like a ton of bricks.

Right.

And I went to Ming one time.

I was just like, dude, what the fuck?

Who on earth is so fucking foul that they would think that it's okay to bring in that little tiny office and put fish in that microwave.

Meanwhile, Ming's eating a bat sandwich.

No, it wasn't Ming.

He goes, Yeah, it is kind of uncourteous, but what are you gonna do?

You had that, like, what are you gonna do?

What can I do?

And I'd be like, What?

You just can't be like, hey, man, for the fucking sake of everybody's well-being, you can't bring fucking fish into a fucking room that's like that's a small office, right?

And yeah, the microwave is what, right off the

hall.

Yeah, yeah.

And time and time again, I would walk in and be like, some people just are fucking rude.

They just have no fucking sympathy or courtesy for anybody else in the office.

Curry's a rude.

The person do it, it was the fucking be-all, bitch-all of the whole place.

It was like, fuck you.

I'll cook my fish.

Yeah.

What are you going to do?

Get him.

What are you going to do?

What are you going to do, bitch?

Yeah, shake your door, bitch.

You don't like it?

Eat right in front of them with a big bread on.

Push a fucking good fish.

Put the whole shit in your mouth and pull out the bones.

Flicking fish bones at his face.

Just smell it.

Smell it.

Smells good, right?

All right.

So what do you think of Bry and Q's assessment of Giddam's answer?

It sounds pretty reasonable, yeah.

Yeah.

So you think he handled that first question?

I think he did, but the only thing is you have to be prepared to give the answer to what if the answer you gave isn't good enough.

You have to have scenarios played out.

So you could say, let's all be reasonable and try to accommodate each other, but the second that doesn't work, you got to kind of, I would think you'd have to go with what Q said.

It's like, look, if you guys can't find common ground, it's out of here.

Running in, pulling the plug and just throwing it out of a three-story building and fucking done.

Onto my own car.

Yeah, onto his car.

All right, scenario two, they're just going to get harder.

They're not going to get any easier.

Those are the easy ones.

That's the easiest.

Okay.

There's a co-worker, it's not you,

who is in charge of office birthday parties where music is allowed to be played, and this person puts on a track with

a certain word.

We know the word.

Do I have to say the letter?

I don't think so.

WAP?

Sure, what-ass pussy?

No, it's a much more incendiary word that is.

Accuse the DJ, and he's playing a lot of wu-tag.

Okay, gotcha.

Gotcha.

So,

you know, this person has put on like track after track after track.

At some point, that word pops up and like people are singing, you know, and having a good time.

And now, all of a sudden, everybody in the office has just said that word in front of each other.

So they all know this song by heart and just sing along with it.

Yeah.

All right, go.

You've got to be the killjoy.

Yeah, I do.

As I said, we've been.

Meanwhile, everyone in the office is black, so you have to tell them they can't listen to it.

You know, we've gone through cultural sensitivity training, and

by the way, this is why they do sensitivity training.

It's just cover your ass, shit.

That's the only so he can come down and be like, hey, man, it's,

you know, you saw the same videotape I did.

We're not allowed to play stuff.

It's the only reason they do it.

So he's taking it.

He's doing the smart thing.

Oh, so now I can't eat fish and I can't sing my favorite song on my birthday?

You can

sing your favorite song, just not in the audience.

Can we get a censored version?

You're like, hey, can we get the bleeped version?

Maybe if you find a nice radio-edited version, yes, we could try to find, we could play that.

If not, we're going to have to limit it to specific songs, a generic happy birthday.

And I'm sure you don't want it to come to that.

You know, we all want to have fun, but again, we all are constrained by this sensitivity training.

You signed the paperwork that said you attended it.

You ate the free sub sandwich, so you're kind of down by it.

Oh, I think that's a faux pas throwing in their face, the free sub sandwich.

No, no, no,

they not only signed for it.

Don't throw jokes in, you just try and answer these things.

Don't try to be joking.

Because I thought you were doing great.

Okay, this is a promotion on the line.

Yeah, man.

Slight raise.

I don't want to seem to be the stuffy, you know.

You want to be the fun, still

lovable coach, but who does at times have to come down on people?

Yeah.

Okay.

That's tough.

Like, already, like, the job he's describing, I'm like, I never want that job.

I don't want to have to be like, look, we've all went through sensitivity training.

So, again, sum it up, how do you handle the song?

The person who's in charge of it.

Again, it violates HR policy.

I put the radio out after the microwave.

I put the radio in the microwave and

fire it off the roof.

You know, we can find a censored version or a more family-friendly version.

You find it.

Go ahead.

Go find it.

That is not my job because I have

to take it.

I'm so angry, the work is.

I am not taking on the responsibility of being in charge of the birthday parties.

No respect, no authority.

We're playing the fucking song.

Until you find it, the song fucking stays on.

Now,

you know, there's a chance someone could call into the office while the song is playing and they can hear it in the background.

They can become offended.

And, you know, that's not the kind of business we're trying to run.

And not the kind of atmosphere we're trying to project.

Gotcha.

You fucked.

Brian, what do you think?

I think it's a great answer, but

it sounds like it's such

a

fucking

corporate speak, like corporate speak light.

Yeah.

I'll wait till I start bringing up Six Sigma.

I just keep dance.

Twerk you.

He can twerk you to my face.

I don't like that.

Breaking desks.

What do you think?

I think you gave the only answer you can give.

Really?

Yeah, which is like, look, man, you know this isn't appropriate for the office.

I'm sorry.

As the manager, I can't.

You just can't let it go because it's in this day and age.

Not in this day and age.

Did somebody complain?

That's the fun.

No, it doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter.

You got to shut it down.

No fun.

No fun.

No, not no fun.

Has this popped up, Curator, in your work environment?

Do you guys have birthday breaks?

This has popped up, but not at birthday breaks.

We've had just a stereo that anybody can

stereos that anybody can use

at the shop.

And we've had to say, no, you can't put explicit stuff on because we we have customers to come through so no two live crew yeah no bubba sparks well the good thing is you have an easy thing to go by it's a little explicit sticker and tippergore did something good i guess where if it's got that we just say like look you can't have current can you just put it on like a like a 70s channel and be safe like that or no i mean they presumably could sure if it's like radio well most people have the ipods and stuff nowadays we don't listen to music over the loudspeakers anyway i don't know there's some ray charles songs that have some choice words in them

all right so we're moving on and so far q I'm pretty impressed with remarks.

Yeah,

you must take a stick, you shove it up your ass, and that's how you work in offices these days.

Yeah,

I think he's giving the pat answers one would expect.

Yeah, you know, like, like you said, to cover his ass.

There is a coworker

who consistently complements the females'

physical attributes in the office, the female co-workers.

He's always got a little something to say,

and nobody's complained yet.

Nice dumper, honey.

You should be talking.

But, you know, there is a coworker who is like, oh, you, it's where is the line between complimenting somebody, oh, you look pretty today, or is even pretty, the wrong choice of word, or that sweater

is amazing.

It really amazes.

It shows off

all your attributes.

You know, as you're aware, we had some sexual harassment training.

We all saw the video.

We all signed the paperwork.

You know, you're aware.

I'm a sub-sandwich.

Well, no, I don't want to be funny anymore.

This could be a serious matter.

While we've not received any complaints,

I've had some consultations with HR and

we find your

behavior is on the borderline.

It's not actionable yet, but I'm going to have to ask you to try to refrain and think twice before you give a compliment.

And maybe

is it something that you would want someone to say to your mother?

Oof.

You know, would you be offended?

My mother's old and gross.

Why would I want to?

Would you be offended if someone said that to your mother in a work environment?

And I know, you know,

all I said was, like, you look very pretty today.

And I understand.

My mother would find that very complimentary.

Again, not what your mother would think, what you would think if someone said it to your mother in a

I'd be fine with with that.

Okay, and I understand.

So I can't notice that someone's pretty in the office today.

When it comes to looks, exceptionally pretty.

See, when it comes to looks,

it is a.

What are you gay, bro?

Yeah, that's not it.

You're gay, but I'm not.

There are other things to your coworkers besides looks.

There's their work performance.

I can't fuck their work performance, bro.

Well, you know, we have rules in this workplace about fraternization.

So, you know, that fraternization.

I don't know if that's a real word, is it?

All right, maybe.

I'm going to let it go.

Why are you talking about fraternity fraternization?

Like, when you rub up against people

and get off on it,

um, you know, did you see Cindy's fucking sweater, dude?

It's so tight.

Yes, her sweat.

Her sweater.

You want to be able to, you can see.

I'm going to go turn a turkey that you're not.

Come on, bro.

You're such a kill, Joyce.

Yes, okay.

I know she has a great pair of sweater kids, and it looks like like both turkeys are done.

Oh,

and then trying to ingratiate himself with the boys.

Well, they know they're recording that conversation.

Now they have your job.

But again,

I don't want to have this come to a point where we have to bring this up in front of HR and for it to go on your permanent record.

So, like I said, we're trying to make it be concerned about their permanent record.

Yes, we are before an actionable event.

This is a verbal warning.

It's not going to go into your file at all.

Like I said, just in the future, just

before you say it, think about it.

You're fucked twice.

And you know what?

This is America.

We're all on the edge of our opinions.

And many people do share your opinion.

Brian, what do you think?

This one is so dicey, though.

He's saying the exact right thing because you literally cannot even come in and say, like, hey, your hair looks nice.

Like, did you do something different with your hair?

Yeah.

I would be afraid of it.

She became a blonde overnight.

She was jet black the night before.

Now she's a blonde.

You can't even be like, I like your hair.

I think you can say I like what you did with your hair.

Yeah, I think it gets.

You can say that.

I think you can say that.

I think you can compliment things that are not God-given attributes.

You can be like, oh, that's a nice dress.

Because they chose the dress, so you're complimenting.

Yeah, let me just do a spin.

Give me a little spin.

No, you can't do that.

No.

But you can be like, because what you're complimenting is their choice.

Their style.

Yes, they made the choice.

Hey, I think, hey, I love that dress.

It looks great.

It's fine.

You can't be like, hey, I like the way your tits look in that dress because now you're not complimenting it.

I don't think he would.

We all know that.

Nobody would be that crazy to say it at home.

Well, I don't these days, no.

But the reason, yeah, so I think

he's still doing all right, this guy.

All right.

Now, you said you have female coworkers.

Has that ever been a problem amongst other people there, like, that somebody had to be spoken to about?

And we've actually had to fire somebody for it.

Really?

Yeah.

Well, I mean, they never really.

came out.

They never really came out publicly and said exactly what, but it was just a guy that didn't have a work mode versus a home mode.

He couldn't turn it off at work.

Home mode.

Couldn't turn it off just compliment people in the way that, like, when saying what you shouldn't be doing and got too many complaints and they had to say, like, look, dude, we can't be open for lawsuits and you're a good guy and all, but you can't.

He just could not keep his mouth shut.

You He couldn't.

He was incapable of it.

He wasn't as gross as what as the example Q used?

Yeah.

He would say tits.

I mean, as close as you could get without just being directly outward, but talking to people about, like, damn, you know, that looks good today, whatever you're, you know, this looks good or that looks good today.

Yeah, it was

too much.

See what women are up against?

Yeah, he was

a lot.

Enough that it's it's like, they're like, dude, if we...

Because you just cannot keep your mouth shut.

You just

got to say something.

Yeah, I know.

That's like.

Yeah.

Yeah, he just couldn't shut himself off.

And have you ever had to complain to HR because someone was complimenting you too much?

Nah, not recently, no.

I never got that either.

All right, so Q, you think he's three for three?

So far, I think he's three for three.

He's telling the interviewer exactly what they want to hear.

I should say that I've worked in a corporate environment.

I've had these video classes, and it's kind of, you know, what I've heard.

Okay.

You got the co-worker who's in the bathroom,

and he's talking to another coworker in the bathroom

about last night's exploits.

They're in the bathroom.

You walk in and hear it.

He's crouching on one of the balls so he can listen in.

Suspended from the ceiling.

Impossible.

So you walk in, you hear the tail end of the conversation about what he was doing last night.

And they're washing their hands and they're getting ready to go back to their cubicles.

But while they're in the bathroom, though, he kind of gave he was pretty explicit about what happened the night before.

You know, again,

this is a workplace.

Even in the bathroom.

A customer could be.

God, nobody's going to like you, dude.

Everyone's going to hate you as a boss.

No, a customer could potentially potentially come into the bathroom, or another employee who is offended by this could come into the bathroom.

And I don't want to see you lose your job.

You are a great worker.

You have a specific set of skills, and those skills you excel at.

And, you know, we'd be at a loss if we didn't have those skills sometimes.

Bro, I was hitting it last night.

And I was supposed to be pipe sold.

And I understand.

I got to tell somebody.

It was freaky.

It worked.

And I understand that, but there are many avenues.

There's a local YMCA, and you can use your locker room talk in an actual locker room and, you know, get it out there, but this is not the venue for it.

The president says he just grabs by the pussy.

And he's no longer the president for a reason.

Not till 2024.

Who'd you vote for?

You know, I'm not going to go into that in this venue.

Fucking voted for Biden.

Otherwise, you'd say.

Could be a Bernie Smith.

La Caro.

La Carro.

What about her emails?

That's all I know.

Yeah, I mean, that's.

So you wouldn't even allow it in the bathroom.

Again, like you walk in, like the two guys are taking a piss, and they're like, I was hitting it so hard, it was awesome.

And, you know, they're just like a little conversation between themselves.

And then you fucking step into the middle urinal and you're like, hey, guys,

this isn't proper, you know.

Again, I'm not putting this down on paper.

This is a verbal warning.

Because, you know, in a.

Signs up in the bathroom.

Signs everywhere.

You know, the way you really get rid of people is

you put it down on paper, an established, you know, pattern of behavior.

And that's how you can, you know.

But I'm just warning you.

You know, again, it's not an actual offense yet.

Giving you a chance to modify your behavior

in the workplace, outside of the workplace, you can do whatever you'd like.

Oh, thanks.

That's how generous of you.

Oh, the office coach just granted me permission to do what i want when i'm not at work

what a fucking sweet guy yes he should be manager all right what do you think bri

uh i think he's off on that one i think you walk into like you don't only correct a situation if you have to like a couple guys talking about like that look like they're in a conversation that is um

uh what's the word i'm looking for yeah like he's not he's not uncomfortable he's he's engaged in it.

Yeah, yeah.

He shouldn't insert himself in there and wedge himself in between the two guys.

Right, but stop talking about pussy.

Yeah, that one I think he's wrong.

I think you let that go.

You don't have to address every single thing you hear.

Well, I do have to address it because I was questioning.

Well, you can say I'm not going to address it.

It's in the bathroom.

Cube, what do you think?

Look, the guy that has taken the time to tell a coworker in graphic detail about the sex he had the night before, you got to rein that guy in.

Any chance you get.

Any chance.

And you don't know if the person he's talking to is only pretending to be cool with it or is really quite upset or offended in some way.

So, you know, the bathroom is everybody's workplace.

You got to shut it down.

There's a saying: a stitch in time saves nine.

And an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

So, you know.

You and your fucking snappy mottos, I'm sure that all great shit.

Sugar quotations buck up your ass, you fucking idiot.

You want to get some

pussy idea?

I'd get some inspirational posters for the bathroom.

Wait, thank you, is that come up?

I think that the problem with the situation in there is if they didn't think to stop having the graphic conversation when the manager came in, are they going to stop having it when somebody else if they stopped and they only have that conversation when it's the two of them, there's not really much you could do about it.

But if they're not smart enough to stop having a graphic sexual conversation when their manager walks in, that's probably a sign that they need to be told, be careful who you're talking like this.

If there's people around,

you might make people uncomfortable.

That's a good point.

Have you ever walked in at night and wasn't somebody else having that conversation?

No, I don't think anybody at our work really

hits that.

Nobody has the desire to come in and talk about graphic sexual exploits.

Now, Firehouse is supposed to be a very jovial place

when Shismo was.

Firehouse is different.

Well, when I went through, there were no female firefighters in my house.

There are two there now.

Are the bathrooms co-ed?

There are female bathrooms.

There is a co-ed bathroom on the apparatus floor, but there is a specifically designated female bathroom.

Okay.

It was anything goes.

I mean, this is the wild west of the awesome.

Yeah, the early 2000s, man.

Like, it was like, there would be no problem with the fucking fits.

Any of the things.

She'd be like, fucking asshole.

You fucking bitch.

What the fuck's the matter with you?

It smells like your mother's pussy.

It would be like stuff like that.

And you know what?

Everybody would laugh and you'd stop cooking the fish in the microwave.

That's the way.

We can't ever go back to those days.

I don't want to commit to that on microphone.

No, I mean, it's just, it was a better working environment

for me.

You know, but...

Well, there's a sense of camaraderie, a brotherhood, right?

Yeah, there's a sense of ball busting and stuff that you lose.

Not that to say that the female firefighters in the house have proven to be killjoys.

Actually, I hear quite the opposite.

I just don't know them.

Can you connect to the same level

without ball busting?

I can't.

I don't think you can.

I can't, no.

No.

No, I actually think it's impossible.

Right.

I agree.

Without it, yeah.

You need to have that to feel comfortable and almost...

like you know

there's affection.

Yeah, I will even say, yeah, affection is an exact exact word.

And I would say, like, anybody, any dude for sure, that compared to HR

about something, I would be like, okay, they're within their rights.

That's just not my type of person.

So we're not going to become friends.

Whoever the complaint was about, I would just be like.

Snitches get

ignored.

Well, not ignored, but like you just can't, but look, I can't trust you.

Right.

Because I don't know where your boundaries are.

My friends don't appear to have boundaries.

All right.

I would say it is very tough when you can't ball bust lightly with someone before

a reactionary jerk.

Back to the bathroom.

There's a coworker who just spends way too much time in the bathroom.

Is their last name Hotel?

That is a very tough one.

I mean, they could have a medical condition, and I do not feel comfortable.

Well, the other

employees are like, hey, you know what?

We're doing a lot more work here because so-and-so,

you know, every other time you look up, they're not at their desk, they're in the bathroom.

Well, I would not address that part of it.

What I think I would do is address the productivity that they're leveling up.

And set productivity goals that they need to meet.

Otherwise, there's going to have to be some kind of...

Would you be comfortable asking, like, why they're in the bathroom?

No, why?

No, it'll be a medical condition.

I'm not gonna, I know HIPAA doesn't apply to me, but I am not gonna go anywhere near

HIPAA.

What they want to tell you.

Well, this is why

I heard you're a smart guy.

You want to take a look down here and see if there's anything concerned about?

We could try to provide reasonable accommodations, but you know,

you work here, there are certain production conditions.

Can I bring a bedpan to my desk?

We watched a video about this

completely unsanitary.

It goes against all health codes

outside of a hospital environment.

He's just going to play it this straight with every answer.

You know that, right?

He's angling for that promotion.

Yeah.

No, I'm just, it's just the way it's done.

I know you would really handle it.

Yeah, the way things really get done.

But I know you in your ways.

You don't handle every situation like this, though.

Like, you're just, you're trying to make yourself sound really good in front of Q.

But yet,

a delivery comes in.

You act as if you've never seen a delivery before,

or something comes in, you're like, how on earth do you need to be told to do A, B, and C?

But here, you've got all the fucking answers because Q's in the room.

Again, no,

we're talking about an office of 20 some-odd people.

So it is not, you know, it's a different environment than

three guys working in a small retail shop together.

Right.

How is it different, though?

It's like it should be the same standard.

It should be.

Well, number one, also as manager, I'm

coach.

Well,

Java, in your scenarios, I'm a manager.

That's a second of delivery.

In your scenario, I am a manager, correct?

Well, this is to see.

Well, you're the coach, but I'm just seeing how you would handle these situations to become managers.

You're still a coach.

I think that, you know,

you're painting the scenarios in a weird way:

not that I've never seen a delivery before, but I would like to know where you would want this specific delivery.

So you'll just sit and do nothing until I get here and then be like, you haven't done anything since it was delivered four days ago?

Well, I didn't know what to do with it, it, boss.

Sometimes.

I don't want to make a decision, boss, unless Q's here.

Some people are a master of playing both sides.

They are the advocate and the devil's advocate.

And until they walk in the room, you don't know what mood they're in.

And if they are not in a good mood, no matter what you say, it will be the wrong answer.

So, yes, you put the delivery away.

They come in and they're like, why did you put the delivery here?

I wanted the delivery over there.

And then, then, if you didn't put the delivery anywhere, they're saying,

I waited for you to come in to find out exactly where you wanted me to put the delivery.

And so I knew I was putting it in the right spot, so I was doing the work once rather than twice.

And some people get upset about that then.

Which is the pain of middle management.

That's it, man.

He's got answers for everything.

Well,

because you're in the chair right next to him.

Although, there were days, the first five minutes just set the whole tone for the day.

Is this going to be a winning day, or is there just nothing you can do to win day?

All right, so the answer to the coworker in the bathroom, you're just going to be like, hey, we need to talk about your productivity?

Yes.

And, you know, if we can make reasonable accommodations

in order for you to fulfill your production goals and be on par with everyone else in the office.

It's weird because, like, back, like, say, when we worked at USQ in the early 2000s, if, say, Darren was in the bathroom all the time, you know, when he came in, we'd all be like, what the fuck, dude?

What are you jerking off on it?

What the hell's going on?

Yeah, you would attack him

again.

And I love the guy.

Do it, no problems.

No, but what the fuck?

So, you're not happy with that, then.

No, I mean, it's probably the right way to go, but like, but there's no connection, he'll never connect with any of the employees underneath him.

No, if he's needling them about every little fucking thing, and fucking just unlikable.

I'm not writing that.

You're not there

to be the most popular guy in the office.

No.

You're there to fucking do your job.

I am the step between you and HR.

And HR is not your friend.

HR is only the company's friend.

You're protecting them from HR.

Yes.

And HR is protecting the company from that.

I like it.

I think it's approaching it from the productivity.

Because by the way, let's say this employee

is in the bathroom all the time, but far outstripping her co-workers.

in productivity.

Then I don't have a problem with that.

Yeah, they're on their phone actually working in the bathroom.

Yeah, so I think that's a great way way to approach it.

I know what it was like when I had that one kidney stone, and like every five minutes I had to go to the bathroom.

I had felt the urge to go to the bathroom, and I couldn't stop it.

You know what I mean?

All right.

What about the unknown co-worker?

Nobody knows who it is.

He's stealing food from the community refrigerator.

Fish missing.

Shit.

What do you do?

Best bet is good.

Confess.

I mean, you got to leave a note.

You can't go out and accuse somebody.

Your choice is you write a note, you set up cameras, which I think some people would feel their privacy is violated.

I mean, how would you feel if someone set up an audio and visual recording device in your workplace and didn't tell you about it?

Well, you could tell everybody that there's cameras going up in the kitchen.

But some people might take a privacy concern with that.

How much privacy do you need in a fucking break room?

Maybe they're just messy eaters and they don't want it.

like tough shit.

Nah, that's the first time I disagree with them.

You put up those cameras, you don't even tell them.

Really?

You find out who's stealing that food.

Torwellian.

Walk on, didn't you get your food stolen from Sears?

Yeah.

Wouldn't you love to know the son of a bitch that stole your food?

You know what?

I was just so taken aback by it.

I didn't know that.

And I knew I was only there for like, you know, I was barely there anyway.

It was bent to me.

I was so checked out.

I was like,

this just makes sense that somebody would steal the food.

Look, I know the answer I would give give if I was the employee.

And that's just leaving them a bomb.

Oh, you would put something in the food to get them sick?

No, not sick.

I got some millions.

I got some million Scoville pepper extract in the desk that I just put half of the food.

So why don't you do that as the office coach, though?

You know,

I would think that's a liability to the

body.

And it gets stolen,

but booby trapping is, you know,

I would have to show that I like my food hot and I didn't do it out of revenge.

Oh, Mike.

How do you show that?

I don't know.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Photoshop pictures of him at like jalapeno eating concerts or something.

What do you think, Kira?

I mean,

your food at work?

It happens every now and then.

Our work is bad because they actually provide a bunch of food, so people get confused sometimes over what's the provided stuff versus what's ours.

Although I recently had a fucking pack of deli lunch meat that the company would never buy just a pack of lunch meat, and sure enough, people steal the lunch meat out of it, and you kind of just live with it.

You label it properly, you keep an eye on it, and

you're acknowledging that when you're bringing it in, that there's a chance for that to happen.

That's a good point, though.

Why don't you just ask everybody to label their food clearly?

I thought that they were labeling their food.

So that's why I was happy to have, that's why part of the sign would have been, you know,

we're not responsible.

Or why don't you provide little Tupperware for each person?

Like, Jill, this is your little piece of Tupperware.

Ben, this is yours.

Jill's got the red.

Ben's got the blue.

Yeah, no mistakes.

There, that would have been a nice way.

Yeah, but if their food doesn't fit in the Tupperware, then I gotta buy another piece of Tupperware.

It's coming out of your own pocket.

Yeah.

So you don't like this answer, though, QA.

And you don't like me either, right?

Well, what was the answer exactly?

I think he would put a note up.

A sign up and then a note.

I think it's a reasonable answer.

I would like to know who it is.

I think they are reasonable in the break room.

Okay, but let's say this is.

When he's saying he would put the cameras up, he just put a sign up.

Let's say you had like a list, maybe, and it said, you know, get them, do not throw out.

And someone threw it out.

But they were just mad at you, so they threw it out.

They did it on purpose.

Yes, yes, yes.

What is your recourse?

I feel like I worked with these people before.

The co-worker who takes angry, dramatic personal calls in the office.

You can hear their whole business.

No personal calls during work time.

There's appropriate break.

I was on break.

Asshole.

Again,

you know, we receive.

We receive phone calls.

We have guests in the office.

And, you know,

they don't have to be subjected to your outbursts to become offended by it.

So, you know, you know, if you would like, you can go down to your vehicle and, you know, have a bunch of people.

Tell about your dog there.

Yeah.

I'm not listening in on your conversations, but it's been brought to my attention.

And the

fact you would tried to listen in on your co-workers' angry phone calls.

When we were all co-workers,

you'd be like stretching that ear, stretching that ear, trying to hear what he was arguing about.

And that wasn't the dog.

Was it one of the big ones, a dog?

Oh, I don't even.

There were so many.

There were so many angry calls, but he would never try to not try to listen to that call.

Again, sometimes you can't help but listen when it's loud enough.

What do you think, Brian?

So you tell him to go down to his car?

Because

no personal calls during work hours.

So

if it is on break, he's just going to have to take himself outside of the work environment.

Yeah, I think that's a pretty decent answer.

So

it's private.

It's personal.

Probably one of the hardest things to police, though, are people in their cell phones.

There's video compilations on YouTube of

people in a warehouse.

like on their phone.

Like somebody's on their phone, and somebody will go, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, and like they hide it.

Oh, it's like a chicky.

It's like a a chicky, yeah, exactly.

And it's funny how many times people will do it and like put their phone away real fast.

Wow.

What do you think of Kissinger?

Yeah, I think his answer is correct as well.

You got to go outside for phone calls of that nature.

Yeah, it's disruptive to the office.

And it's just not the place to have these conversations.

I agree with him.

I think he's doing great so far.

You're very curious.

Yeah, he's pretty much dead on.

I mean, it's kind of a weird test because all he has to do is always take the ass-kissy fucking answer.

That's why we got this next one coming up.

And he cannot take the fucking easy route.

Everyone at the office is having a low-energy type of day.

How do you perk everyone up?

You don't, you have no answers.

You've never perked up anyone.

That's true.

I want to say quite the opposite.

There are many times after that first five minutes, I tried whatever I could to perk a person up.

I'd be like, hey, look, what's on TV?

Hey, the farms.

Fars.

Waga, waka, waka.

You're almost to the point of falling over on purpose of the rapport to improve the mood.

But how do you do it with an office of at least 15 people who are just sagging?

It's Wednesday, hump day.

Oh, hump day.

Yep.

Twerking contest.

What do you do?

Or do you do numbers?

No, I'm going

I'm going to say, hey, you know what?

Let's take an hour.

I ordered some Za.

It's in the break room.

Carve up, everyone.

I got some nice, got some nice two-liter bottles of soda.

Yeah.

You know, come on, let's just

all get going.

Well, you know, let's talk about our weekends.

All right, yeah, let's put some Wu-Tang on.

Tell you about the shit I fucked this weekend.

Bring it all full circle.

All right.

What do you think, Brian?

I don't know.

That's not a great answer, I don't think.

I don't think so.

Like, if my mood is sagging and they're like, hey, I'm going to buy you some pizza,

and some soda.

Oh, and soda.

Okay.

Yeah,

I think it wouldn't do it for me.

I would be like, look at everybody else happy with fucking pizza and this fucking soulless asshole.

Yeah, Zah.

This fucking asshole manager call it Zah.

I want to go let the air out of his tires and go home.

So Mike went through his wood shields.

Thank you.

You know, I've been in this situation with my writer's room, and I have been, I haven't been like, let's have some za.

But I have been like, fuck it, who wants to go see a movie?

And just take everybody out.

We go to a bar, grab a beer, and go see a movie.

Now, where does that come out of the budget?

Where you're paying for everybody to go to a movie?

Yeah, I'll pick it up.

You'll pick it up.

I'll pick it up.

So, could he be expected to do the same thing, though?

Go to the movies.

Is there a flashball?

It's like, hey, where the fuck is everybody?

No, I don't know if he could do that.

I'm just saying, like, I understand what he's saying.

I've done it,

and I think it is a good morale booster.

I think it's completely appropriate for a business with multiple employees from time to time to be like, hey, guys, fuck it.

Let's just

do that abuse, you.

Every once in a while, we go out to like Fridays for lunch or go to

something.

I think you do it.

I think it's a good morale.

You were down at the stash slaving away.

Yeah, right in those days.

No, this was a website.

He's down there going, why isn't anyone answering the phone up there?

Okay, now this one is, I don't know if we've ever talked about this.

This one's a very personal experience.

If we haven't talked about it, curator, you would be able to tell us if we have talked about it, being the curator.

But if we haven't talked about it, it's one of the most craziest things that I can't believe hasn't come up yet, but maybe it has.

Here's a worker who claims another worker came out of the bathroom nude except for his sneakers.

I think this has been discussed.

Yeah, yeah.

I think we've talked about this.

Yeah, it's been discussed.

You don't know who the part they don't know they don't want to say who it was, but how do you address that?

Well, I'm so

okay.

Who doesn't say who is?

You just get it.

You just left a note that in your thing, hey, somebody came out of the bathroom nude, except for their sneakers.

Okay.

And we think it was someone from your office.

And we think it was someone from your office.

Okay.

I would,

in my

suave way, go and ask everybody what they were doing around that time.

You expect one of them to say, walking around doing this.

No, because I can honestly say, I said, you know, I've spoken to everyone, and no one has admitted to being there at that time.

And that date, they all have alibis, and so I don't believe it was one of our employees.

Are you mad at me?

Like, hey, Q,

what were you doing last Thursday?

Did you all catch that movie at like six o'clock?

No, I was trying to, I bought new sneakers.

I went to sneaker shopping.

shopping that morning.

Oh, so you were at the, what sneaker store did you go to?

Footlocker.

But I was back.

I came back to the office.

Actually, I had someone curry him over to me.

I tried him on immediately, went to the camera and tried him on.

Amazon delivered him to the office.

Again, without video proof or anything, eyewitness testimony is.

Oh, you don't believe women?

Oh, well, whoa, we got a piece of shit here on our way.

I said eyewitness testimony is sketchy at best.

You could go through their key cards, like the check-in and check-out cards if they have them.

If we had them, yeah.

Which is not that much trouble as the office manager.

For this kind of incident, when someone's walking around the office nude?

Like some cleaner was like, hey, I saw it, I would be like, all right, if it happens again.

Explain it now.

The reason I brought this scenario up because a couple years ago, you were accused of being an office worker who came out of the bathroom nude

by the women of USCU, the women who worked there.

No, no, no.

It wasn't the women who worked there.

It was a cleaning woman.

Because it was after hours.

And a cleaning woman said that somebody who worked in the office

had exited because those bathrooms had a shower in it, if I'm not mistaken, right?

Those viewerski bathrooms.

Which office?

The older one, the older one that we worked in together.

It had a shower, yeah.

Had a shower.

So I'm assuming that.

So the cleaning lady told who?

Told Carol.

And

she confronted you and like, were you walking around nude?

Carol, for some reason, assumed that it was me.

I don't know how you could keep your fucking

temperature checking.

What?

That is so fucking crazy to accuse you of walking around nude.

Like the very fact that she had the balls.

And

it seemed more than an accusation at the time.

I remember it seemed more like, all right, we know you did this.

Just a minute.

You can't do this now.

So, wait, wait, wait.

So there was a cleaning lady inside the office.

Yeah, it was an office building, like it was a building like this, much like this that had many offices, and the cleaning lady would go in and clean different

hallways, clean different offices.

i was like we had our own lead i was picturing it was the the bathrooms downstairs it would be like as if suddenly somebody walked out of this bathroom naked except for shoes on well that's a but that's a public hallway right that that's what this would be too oh okay okay okay yeah but that i i never forgot that that's so crazy that somebody had the fucking gall to be like yeah i don't get offended like frequently at things but that i was just like seriously like what do you think of me yeah how on earth could you think that i'd be the person doing this yeah and like with a a whole office full of other buildings, there was like accountants and shit, like a couple other different businesses within.

Guy's definitely more prone to fucking prance around nude.

Sure.

That's why I said

I get my team, make sure they had said alibis, and then defend them.

To the death.

Oh, yeah.

All of a sudden, now all those guys who are real hostile to you are like, fucking, you know, like, you got my bad.

Again,

I may seem like I'm the bad guy sometimes, but I am trying to

fucking all right?

I am trying to protect my team, my family.

Oh, that is your family.

Wow, look at this guy.

He is angling for that promotion.

Whatever hurts my brother hurts me.

Or sister.

Oh, yeah, yes.

Oh, man.

Wow.

Nothing ever happened.

You could tell Q's

really in the corporate world because you carry on top of the women and shit.

Oh, yeah.

Whereas here at the Telm Steve Dave General Store, we're like, ah, fucking, it's only guys that exist, right?

Anything like that ever happen?

No, nothing like that.

No.

And you would be considered in the South, too, right?

So it's not that crazy, right?

I mean, it would be pretty crazy anyway.

It's crazy that the guy had shoes on at work.

What's on the floor with their bare feet?

Who knows what's going on in there?

All right, so Q,

you say I think he's got it.

He's got it.

I think he's got it.

Brian?

Yeah, I'd have to agree.

I mean, for most of the questions,

I think he gave the right answer.

He gave the solid 2022 answer that would

have answered.

I was actually proud of him.

Yeah?

Yeah, but I wanted to see that.

Iterator is somebody who listens and you know a lot about us.

You know, we know nothing about you, but you seem you know more about us than

you know from listening all these years.

Do you think he's deserving of the promotion?

Yeah, I would say so.

Good answers.

We're your guys when we're playing a game.

I think the thing that's going to help him is that you're not working with anybody except you, so it's not like a lot of these things are going to come up.

Oh, it's Sox and Cooper.

We have Sox and Cooper.

Yeah, I want Cooper to see some fucking wang.

He doesn't even see my Wang efforts.

But we all know that it doesn't matter what anybody but you think, Walt.

Exactly.

And you know what?

There's one big reason why I can't vote to give you the promotion.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

There's one reason.

I know the pointless fucking exercise.

I think it was predetermined.

It's literally been an hour of this.

He knew already.

He knew already.

Because

I don't want to invest in a new uniform that says manager when we already got the uniform that says coach.

Well, one could say that the manager's duties encompass the coach's duties.

So that is the set uniform.

One is going to have to say that

it makes you feel better.

Yes.

You're a manager, but the uniform will always say coach.

Congratulations.

Congratulations, Rob.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Office manager.

Office manager.

Does this come with some sort of party where we can crank music with the n-word in it?

Why don't we go out with one?

Tell Steve Dan, hit the music.