#518: One Con and a Funeral

But just a name, I was like, that name just sounds too exotic for me.

Shodies

See, he didn't whimper as loudly or

as clearly when he was lubed up.

Really?

How much money did you spend on elongated pennies?

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

There you go.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tellum Steve Dave.

I am here with Walt.

Hello.

And I am here with Giddam.

How are you, Stanking?

It's going, man.

People, it's catching on.

It's going to be coming nationwide craze pretty soon.

We may have Q on.

We're not sure yet.

He's out in fabulous Las Vegas

doing what we don't know, possibly a show.

Touring, right?

I think he may be touring.

Yeah.

So I don't know.

I'm not sure.

But

he may join us.

This is

two weeks we've been off.

Has it been out?

A lot's been going on these last couple weeks.

Yeah.

So apologies for not having an episode last week.

But hey, Memorial Day weekend.

Now you can kick back on Monday.

Hang out.

What's the normal activities for Memorial Day weekend?

Is it barbecues or is it,

or it should be more reverence, right?

It's not like barbecue.

No, it's barbecues.

America having reverence for the friends veterans.

It should have been.

Yeah, when did it become, yeah, let's just have barbecues?

It should be like

somber day.

Yeah, it really shouldn't be like, you know, Franks and

parades, like celebration, celebratory parades.

Yes, yes, absolutely.

Parades, but like, yeah, don't try to make it into an excuse to get blottoed in the backyard.

I don't know.

That's what it's become.

Yeah, right?

Every day is a holiday for me.

So,

well, first, I see some gray peeking out from beneath your cap.

Now, is this your new look?

No, I just got my hair cut today.

Oh, okay.

So, when I shave, when they shaved off all the growth, what's underneath is just pure white Crip Keeper-esque

hair.

It's like a shorn lamb.

I thought you decided

my wife is at on the she's standing by.

I don't know what I told her.

I like, you know, we're recording.

I said, but as soon as I get home, have the Just for Men box in hand and I'll rush right to the bathroom.

So close your eyes.

Don't let you, don't look at me.

Don't look at me, girls.

I thought you were going to freak.

I thought you were going to say you had set up a safe word in case she didn't recognize you.

Like, I don't know if you ever read those stories, like someone gets a hairdo and like their dog won't let them into the house because they don't recognize them.

No, i told her i was just i know we

dying my hair with with her eyes completely closed may be dicey i don't know if it'll be the best dye job but you know i told her to just be on the standby as soon as the episode's over i'm rushing home and getting right under

the uh the just for men

beautification process no that's uh that's a whole hair dye thing because i thought just for men was just like for mustaches and shit to have a whole line of products it's all shit it's all crap it lasts for like fucking two weeks and then it's all then it's washed out already.

It's one of the worst.

You're one of our sponsors this week.

I don't know why they can't create a dye that just goes in and stays in permanently.

Yeah.

You ever see these rare cases where people are allergic to the dyes and like their whole face mutates and their head.

Like they look like they went through some sort of like nuclear accident.

I have not, but I'm surprised that I was not allergic to hair dyeing.

That's true.

Yeah.

I dyed my hair once back when I was a younger lad.

Oh, yeah, when you're in your goth period or

I'm alternative.

Alternative to what?

I'm not normal.

Dying shirts and hot topic.

No, my friends were dyeing their hair, so they're like, yeah, I'm going to dye my hair too.

We guessed the color.

It wasn't, but the era of the weird colors is now, I think.

Like people love fucking putting in that green, that pink.

And it looks so fucking horrible like two days after you die because it washes out.

Yeah, it looks so bad.

You look like Pete Davidson.

What color was it?

Let me, I'm gonna say blonde.

No, what it was a midnight blue-black.

And it took two days.

That's very goth.

It took my father two days to notice it, and then he threw a fit.

He's like,

20?

I mean, 19.

He's like, that's going to come out eventually, isn't isn't it?

I'm like, eventually, yeah.

Why is he crying?

It's like, boy.

Yeah, it's his disappointing voice.

Yeah, so I went from dark brown to black.

Wow.

Could you even tell?

He could after two days.

Yeah, that's like when a woman comes home and the husband doesn't notice her hair, she gets pissed off.

So

you should have been mad at your dad.

No, I think I was trying to.

Finally, you noticed.

I was

trying to avoid him noticing because I knew he he was not going to be happy with it.

At 20.

Yeah.

That's normal, though, for a boy of that age to rebel against his dad, though.

It wasn't rebelling.

At 20.

It was pure peer pressure.

My friends were doing it, so I wanted to do it.

I'm sure he was just like, great, another thing.

I got to deal with now.

I remember we were all sitting out on the porch

with the towels around our necks and the dye in our hair.

Oh, you dyed it together?

Yeah.

That's weird.

That's why he was all upset.

Some sort of like weird.

What kind of freak shit is this?

It was my friend Jessie and her girlfriend Melissa or Michelle.

Nobody cares about the names.

I don't know why you do that.

At least there were girls involved.

Yeah, yeah.

That's what you're saying.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, you were,

you had a busy, I don't know if it was busy, but you mean you had a

week, a heavy week, right?

Did have a heavy week.

I got to go to my first funeral since Rob Bruce.

That wasn't that long ago.

Yeah, it was like, it was like Rob Bruce.

Then it was Marco.

And then before that, it was my grandmother in 2006.

All right, so you had a pretty good long period of

not having to deal with such unsad

events.

Yeah.

Well, this one.

So

first off, like, and I know you can relate to this, and I'm like, okay, it's a funeral, which is

which is formal.

So, I gotta fucking get something nice to wear.

And I went over to Cole's and I went to Macy's, and I'm like,

I'm not spending $500 on a suit that I'm gonna wear once.

I'm just not gonna do it

because my other clothes, like, they don't fit.

Yeah, I can't figure out why.

But my clothes that I wore that I went like when I got married and shit, they're just not fitting now.

I don't know what's going on.

Yeah, it's probably COVID.

You're right.

Sick with COVID.

So

we decided that I'm like,

I can wear black, or I can wear

black jeans.

I mean, I'm sorry, jeans and a black t-shirt to

the wake.

This is

a pretty significant moment in Tell'em Steve Dave history.

This is, I mean, I hope people understand and recognize what just happened.

But for the first time in the podcast history,

Brian Johnson has decided that decisions will be made in unison with somebody else.

We decided what I'm going to wear.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Well, no, no, I think Brian decided not to buy a suit.

She's like, please wear something.

So

this is compromise, though.

Well,

she eventually called me out on it because, okay, so

I go to the Gap and I get some jeans.

Black jeans.

Black jeans.

It's 1999.

And regular jeans.

It's 1999.

It is, yeah.

That's it.

I was just like, what am I going to wear black jeans again?

Not even like black jeans.

Where's the acid wash section?

They have the sir.

You still play those swing music, yeah.

They have those stylish giant holes in them.

Yeah, the ones that are like made, factory made, wear the wearing at the knee and everything,

all the frayed thread.

yeah i'm like hey man what's up everybody

did you catch seinfeld yeah

i think i've been bopped on the head i love what's up man dave i love dave matthews

who am i impressing with all this all the all the retail work

uh so

We go to Macy's.

So I have re actually have regular jeans and a black t-shirt for the wake.

That's what I wear.

And then for the

funeral,

black jeans.

Oh, this is what's this.

And a button-up shirt.

There's more than you were doing wake and funeral.

Wake and funeral.

And the wake was four hours.

And like, first, I mean, she's not

wrong

because when she was like, my grandfather died,

we have to, this would have been

Saturday, last Saturday.

My grandfather died.

We're going to have to go out to Ohio for the funeral.

I'm not sure when it is.

So her mom calls on

Monday and says, hey, the funeral or the

wake is Wednesday.

So now I've got to get Sage ready.

Got to go out.

Oh, you brought Sage.

No, no, no.

I had to get her ready to go stay with her mom so she could keep calling the school.

Then there's a story that involves her later on down the road I couldn't believe happened.

But so the Mary Beth says, you know, when I'm talking about the funeral, she was like, I know what you're thinking.

Just the only thing you're thinking is how this is just a giant pain in the balls for you.

And I was like, yes, but I'm willing to do this for you.

But I mean, who isn't it a giant pain in the balls for?

I think it's the wrong choice of words, though.

I just think it's

inconvenience?

No, that's the wrong choice too.

That makes it sound like he's a real dick.

Yeah, it's just it's not

something that anybody really wants to have to go through, you know, or have to partake in.

It's miserable and it's sad and it's

just a complete and utter downer to do it.

So like, I think it's understandable that.

You know, most people are not

like, what is the proper response from you?

Should you be fucking like running around the house like a fucking like you're on fucking coke like you're like fucking amped to get there i mean well that's what i said i'm like i was like i don't like funerals she's like who does

all right that's a fair enough point

but so the wake was

the viewing was four hours and there were a lot of people there four hours is a long also this man was uh was touched a lot of people's lives huh dude i couldn't believe it like when when i go there's no way this many people are going to step forward and be like

you're crazy

You're going to have fucking

turn on it.

It's going to have to be at the PNC Art Center.

I would love that.

You got to pay extra money for the VIP parking and shit.

I got the fast pass.

So now were you just sitting down and like Mary Beth would come over to you occasionally, like when it got too much so that she could get a break?

Is Barry Beth like, yeah, is she to have to do a lot of like hugging and talking and greeting at this?

Or is she one?

She doesn't seem like that would be her personality it's not but she knew a lot of people there and a lot of people were like oh i knew you when you were little gotcha so there were a lot of old people there i said to her later on when we like when we did the funeral like you know everybody goes into the mausoleum and shit and i was like half the people should have stayed in it because they're going to be there soon like there were so many fucking ancient people and i like as at the funeral i was just like like people are going up you know and they're uh i mean at the uh

wake the wig they're They're going up and they're viewing the body and all that other stuff.

And some of them are so old.

I'm like,

how do they not

think?

Like, yeah, like,

terrifying.

It's just like, there, but for the fate of God, go by.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But yeah, she's not really that hobnobbin type, but for something like this, I guess she felt like

she's been medicated too, so she's a lot better.

Really?

She had to get medicated because she was that upset?

No, no, no.

She's been medicated.

Oh,

no, she's she's on lexapro but she had a lot of anxiety issues like social anxiety what's it called cipro lexapro lexapro lexapro and them's helped oh tremendously really yeah it's helped her tremendously so much so i want to take her off it so she stopped fucking whising off to me all the time

better when you were passive

uh but so we did the we did the wake that was that was four hours and then we went back to her grandfather's house and she's like i want to look through his stuff you know

because there's some like there's some i mean he had some pretty cool shit

but that was if the wake ended at

we had to be there by

by

by two

so the wake ended at six

so by like ten i was like can we go

can we please go

i don't want to sit here anymore while you're looking through your fucking grandfather's shit like We can come back tomorrow and do it.

It's been a 12-hour day, man.

Was it just her or were there others?

No, her mom was there, her dad, her aunt, and a couple people dropped by here and there.

Okay.

Like

after the funeral, they had like a...

It's a whole thing.

We got second in line for

the procession.

Really?

Yeah, I've never been in a funeral procession before where you got the flag and you got to go through red lights and shit.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, you're second in line in the car, you mean?

Yeah.

Okay.

I don't know if that's like some sort of like prestigious.

I think it was just where I parked.

Yeah, I think it just matters

where the car is.

Pretty much.

When my godmother died,

her husband was with the state police.

So it was a full

multi-agency procession.

Right.

Like up to 287, up 287.

So it was amazing.

This information is just fucking mad.

People are like 287.

Yeah, nobody gives a fuck.

Nobody knows what he's talking about.

He just continues to do it constantly.

You're precise.

It was the only one I was ever in that, like, you could run red lights, and they had like cop cars going to the exits and everything, stopping cars.

Right.

So.

Yeah.

So the wake was like, I mean, again, it was like a bunch of old people and a bunch of relatives.

And

the funeral was what it was.

Mary Beth.

spoke a little bit, you know, a little like, no,

I wouldn't say a full-on eulogy.

It was like maybe two minutes.

Cooper, stop stop it.

Don't stop licking me.

I don't bare a leg to him.

He's nuts.

She gave a little eulogy.

A couple of his old buddies stood up there.

And that's when I was like, holy shit, man.

This guy is talking about...

He's like, you know, I met Sonny.

You know, his name was Harlan Sonny Barker.

And I was like, that's a pretty cool fucking name.

Yeah.

Right?

That sounds like a character name.

Yeah, that sounds like something.

Yeah, it sounds like a

pulp action hero.

Yeah.

Who's named Harlan anymore?

That's just a cool name.

Yeah, I like it.

But

his buddies got up there and the one guy is like, you know, I met Sonny in

1942 or whatever.

And then he's talking about how he's like, you know, we didn't get electricity until 1947.

And then at 49,

we got plumbing, indoor plumbing.

And I'm like, holy shit.

Like, this guy's seen some stuff.

Cape lived a life.

Yeah, like,

you know, the rage you feel in the summer when, like, when, when your electric goes out, like due to a storm or like overload or something.

And you're like, motherfucker, why am I living like a caveman?

I got that at the farm because they were like, oh, yeah, somebody used to live in the attic.

And I'm like, I've been up there when I had to go up there in the summer.

And it is like a, it's like a torture box up there.

And I'm like, if someone lived there i i guess you just get used to it back then they were tougher back then man i really think they were

just like you know they just turn the just ignore it

that's what they that's the kind of attitude they had but i'll give you something to complain about

keep on the sunny side

big hit back then in the 30s i think

um

but yeah like it was uh

it was interesting watching the people watching their reactions and stuff.

And then there's some lady there who's like, My daughter's funeral is on Saturday.

And I'm like, oh, sorry about that.

And she looks, she's young, this lady.

And her kid's like nine because like her kid had a brain tumor or something.

And I'm like, I'm sitting here fucking so annoyed that I have to hang out for fucking four hours.

And this lady's like, yeah, I'm going to be burying my child in a couple of days.

Nice lady.

Evidently, the kid was real cool.

Like, Mary Beth, Beth they live streamed the funeral so Mary Beth watched it on her phone

there's a lot of funerals in a lot of I know I was like why do we want to watch this shit

yeah it's too much

uh but so we're um

we stayed there for a couple days Mary Beth went through all her grandfather's stuff so now we have a bunch of like his her grandfather is super into bees and beekeeping and apiary type stuff so now we have a bunch of bee stuff well you can get a lot of tax breaks.

Oh, yeah?

Raising bees?

If you start raising bees.

Yeah.

That's what Q should do.

I was going to tell him about it.

I found out that you can get huge tax breaks if you open up a bee farm and you don't need, and to quote-unquote fall under definition of a bee farmer, you don't have to have that many bees.

Really?

Yeah, that's why you hear a lot of these stars have hives and such.

I think like flea and

red-hot chili peppers.

Yeah.

And

it doesn't matter.

Yeah.

Other guy.

But they have these huge mansions and they raise a couple hives on there and they consider almost all that extra land to be farmland.

So they get a tax break on it.

Huh.

Yeah.

I wonder where do you, I'm sure you know, like, I wonder where you get your first bees.

Like, you can't just go out and catch them, right?

I think you can order them.

I think you can like order them through the mail.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I would be very doubtful that anybody would even check on it.

You just have the boxes back there.

You'd even need the fucking bees.

Like they tell, they're fucking collecting pollen in hot city.

Or just put a tape recorder inside inside one of the white boxes.

And people would think that there's bees in there.

There would be no way that you'd fake it, would you?

Please turn tape over.

Who's going to go near them if they're not going to be able to do that?

Nobody.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can't go near them.

They're very upset right now.

They're mating.

These are Africanized bees.

Don't go near them.

They finally made it to America.

Weren't the African bees the ones that are the killer bees?

Yep, yeah, they're the killer bees.

That's why you're raising killer bees.

Why did they never show up?

They have.

They hit a certain point where the climate is not really good for them anymore, so they can't advance much further.

But I've heard that with global warming, there's a chance that they could spread further and further.

But I mean, dude, in the 70s, you would think that that was like the thing to work

to America.

I just don't think we were lucky enough that they could.

It wasn't the swarm.

Yeah, I remember like, yeah, in the 80s, that was like the things you had to worry about was killer bees, quicksand, and the Bermuda Triangle.

And Piranhas.

And Piranhas.

Oh, yeah, yeah, piranhas.

Now, when you were at the funeral, did they ask you to become part of it?

No.

Okay, because I was at my ex's

grandmother's funeral, and they're like, we need someone to help carry the casket.

Like, will you do it?

And I'm like, oh, this is like the most awkward thing in the world.

Because I'm super nervous about dropping it.

Why, you did it by yourself?

No,

you were the tall man?

They didn't have enough people.

So it was like the bare minimum minimum amount of people.

And I'm just like nervous.

Your ex would never forgive you, right?

All the pictures, like I take a stumble, and like that corner hits the ground and pops open.

And I'm like, oh, no.

As soon as we got, you know, into the back of the hearse, I was so happy.

Yeah, no, they didn't ask me to do that.

They had enough people, but you're right.

It did look like it was not easy to carry.

Yeah.

I've never tried to lift a coffee.

Yeah, you got all those different heights and everything.

And it's just, yeah, and like I said, nerves made it worse.

And then we were in the, like they said, that he got put into a mausoleum.

And you see, and you see it sometimes on tombstones, too,

is the, like,

here lies Brian Johnson, blah, blah, blah, from this year to this year.

And then, like, Mary Beth's name is there, and it has the year she was born, but not the year she died yet.

It's like yet to be engraved.

What?

She has a plot there?

No, I'm saying that, like, it would be like that.

Oh, I was just just like, whoa,

that is a strange family.

I'll see the detail.

No, it just must be weird to like, you know, like you go and visit your husband or your wife or whatever, and you see your name up there.

Yeah, but you have a spot waiting.

It's comforting, though.

Like, you know, you got your shit organized.

You know, for some people, you know, they got their affairs in order and they don't have to worry about what's going to happen.

It's like they know where they're going to be for eternity.

You're right.

That's because that's what this guy did.

Her grandfather was like, he went to the church and he talked to the minister, the reverend, and he's like, here's the psalms that I want.

And he talked to the musical director lady and he's like, here's the hymns I want.

So like he laid out his whole sermon.

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know how they have the problem.

This is your problem.

After I die, this is your fucking problem.

I don't want to think about this.

Like, how long ago?

Or was it like.

Dude, it was days before.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I thought you were saying, like, like 10 years ago, he had already.

Well, he's like, I know I'm going to die.

Was it her father's father or her mother's father?

Her mom's father.

Okay.

Yeah.

And then the mom, they have a, you know, the mom has a sister, so he had two daughters.

And then a companion, his

little hussy that lives with him or lived with him.

And that's like, she's real old too.

So I'm like, what the fuck is that like?

Where like you have this

partner for 20 years?

Like a companion?

Like, she just lived with them.

They were like boyfriend, girlfriend, kind of, but not really, I guess.

Gotcha.

Probably they couldn't get married for like the benefits and everything.

Probably something like that.

Or I don't know, maybe he didn't want to.

But that was the other thing.

When they were talking about

his life, they're like, you know, he loved his wife, Margie, and Margie this and Margie that.

That was the wife's name.

But the girlfriend is kind of sitting there.

She's like, I would be like, look, he was married for 40 years.

I've been around for 20 years, so I should at least, you know, get mentioned a couple of times.

Well, maybe if you weren't living in sin.

Yeah, that's true.

Maybe the church would have recognized you were.

You're lucky you're even allowed in this church.

Look at him bursting the flames the second you walk through the door.

But so after

it was all said and done,

we went to the

Ohio State Reformatory, which is where they shot Shawshank Redemption.

Okay.

It's really close to.

It's a jail?

Yeah, it's a huge, gothic-looking prison.

Very cool.

And you could take tours and stuff.

You mean you and Mary Beth?

Why not?

Me and Mary Bethetha.

Okay, all right.

I didn't think that the funeral procession relocated over.

I was like, wow, what was that for?

Yeah, he was really into the reformatory.

This was,

what day is today?

Today is Saturday, so this would have been yesterday, Friday, that

we went there and checked it out.

and

when we left I've been on the road for like maybe an hour and I get a call

in the car and it's this guy he's like hey is this Brian Johnson I said yeah he's like this is Sergeant so-and-so Middletown Police

I said okay and I'm like somebody broke into the house or did something fucked up and he's like I have a Sage Weedmire here with me What?

That's what I said.

What do you mean?

I said, why?

And they said, well, she was just walking around.

She walked home from school and then she was hanging around outside the house.

Your house?

Yeah.

And then somebody, one of the neighbors, I'm not sure who, must have seen her and called the copsman like, hey, this little girl is walking around.

Now,

this is totally on me.

I fucked up big time.

I didn't realize that they had a half day on Friday.

I thought they just had Monday off.

So when I was sending Edgar to get her, I'm like, okay, here's the times.

Here's where you pick her up, blah, blah, blah, all that shit.

So I fucked up majorly by not knowing that they had a half day.

And so as soon as he's like, you know, I have Sage Weemire, I'm like, boom, my stomach drops out.

I'm like, what happened?

Like, why would the cops have her?

Why are the cops calling me?

She's not, I'm sure she's not in trouble for something, you know?

But he's like, yeah, you know, he explained what happened and he said, well, do you want to see her?

He's like, cause I have, he goes, I have an iPhone.

And I said, sure.

So we put her on FaceTime.

And she's sitting in the back of the cop car with a a seatbelt on.

And we're like, Sage,

what are you doing?

And she's like, relax.

She goes, her exact words.

She goes, relax, relax.

I'm fine.

I have water.

And she had like a water bottle.

Well, I'm glad you have water, but what happened?

And then she just, you know.

She was acting like I was the biggest, like,

the biggest drip for,

like, she didn't want to deal with me in front of the cop.

She's like, you know, like almost excusing my behavior.

Tata, you're embarrassing me.

Yeah, pretty much.

But eventually

the cop

said, like, I can bring her home if you want, you know?

And so that's what he did.

That's nice.

Yeah, I was like, but even after that, even though I knew she was safe, I knew that because I was speaking to my mother when the cop dropped her off,

all that shit.

It's still like for the next hour, I was like, oh my God, like, what could have happened?

Yeah.

You know, rather than what did happen

huh yeah we can pause it yeah

she wants to go out

sorry let's see

oops wrong glasses

hold on everybody we're gonna pause for a moment and we'll be right back

Hey, while we're waiting for Walt, we're gonna just roll into a commercial, a spot, as we call it in the industry, right good.

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I can't stand that.

I look like a fucking zombie.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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I'm with you on the under eye.

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And they're like, oh, just get enough sleep.

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how much can I sleep?

Oh,

how much can I sleep?

I just think it's one of those things that happens when you get older, but thank God for Lumen.

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That is really nice.

That quiz is very helpful.

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one of these places.

Yeah.

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I would like to combat future acne.

I don't like past acne.

I don't like present acne.

And I sure as shit don't like future acne.

I was kind of lucky when it came around to the acne.

Yeah, me too.

I got some, but not bad.

Like, not bad house.

But I had friends that they were like wiping their face every day

with stuff.

Yeah.

But like all that,

what was that shit like?

Oxy10.

Yeah, benzoyl peroxide.

Yeah, benzoyl peroxide.

Okay, with lumen, all their products are made using only natural ingredients that actually work, like licorice root extract, roseflower oil, charcoal powder, ginger, green tea, and charcoal.

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All right, we're still waiting for Walt to walk the dog, so we're just going to nail you at this next spot, and then we're done.

And we're talking about care of, get him.

Oh, I love my Care of.

You're the only guy I know who loves vitamins.

They're great.

Now, I didn't love vitamins until I got Care of, and then they come in that package, has your name on it.

Yep.

And there's like a little trivia on there, which is, or like, yeah, trivia.

Yeah, it's like a snapple cap almost.

Dedicating even a few minutes to yourself each day can go a long way, and Care of is here to support how you spend your you time.

Carve out time to take care of yourself each day, whether it's your morning vitamin pack and lemon water ritual, taking five minutes to meditate or unplugging at night.

I guess you're talking about phones and shit.

Yeah, that's important, you know, that the blue light gets you.

You know,

my iPad tells me how much time I've been on the internet.

It's like

it increased this much or that much.

Yeah.

I have an average of 16 minutes a day on the internet.

Wow.

I feel like I'm out of touch with society, though.

Like, I don't know what to do.

I hardly know what's going on.

Is that not for the better, though?

It could be.

I mean, because then when I I do go to.

Wait, you know what?

I want to talk about that during a care of read because it's upsetting.

We'll talk care of, then we'll talk about that.

Care of is a subscription service that ships high-quality, personalized vitamins, supplements, and powders conveniently to your door every month.

Again, take a short, in-depth quiz about your health goals and lifestyle and get personally tailored recommendations based on your answers.

You can stick with what Care of recommends or change up your pack at any time.

It's up to you.

And

it is so great.

It is so easy.

It is so convenient.

The packages go right in your pocket.

So they'll route the door with you.

And during the day, when you remember,

pop it open, put them back with a little bit of water, done.

With my regular meds, I have one of those things like Monday through Sunday.

Hate it.

It's such a pain in the ass.

With Care of, it's just, boom, here's your package for the day.

Yeah.

And like I said, like you said, it's got your name on it.

So it's like, oh,

this is specifically for me, which makes me feel a little special.

Yeah.

And who doesn't like to feel special?

so for 50 off your first care of order go to takecareof.com and enter code tesd50 that's for 50 off your first care of order go to takecareof.com and order enter code t

oh my god let me do that again i'm mangling it takecareof.com and enter code tesd50

okay

Walt is back.

He walked his dog.

Yeah, dogs had to get out.

Yeah.

Where were we?

We were talking about, oh, we were talking about Sage and the cop car.

And

her level of confidence that I'm like

seems misplaced at times.

Where I'm like, if you were fine, you would have went in the house.

Like, she knows where the keys are.

She knows how to get in the house.

But then I'm like, oh, shit, because Edgar was supposed to pick.

It was she, she got out of school.

She probably got home around 12.45.

Cop called me at 10 after 1.

Edgar wouldn't have picked her up until 2.45.

How does the cop have your number?

I couldn't figure that out.

There's a database that's associated with the address and everything.

If they've ever received calls or anything, that they can look up the phone numbers.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

But how would he even know who she was?

Well, she probably was at a specific address and whoever probably called was like, yeah, I've seen her around.

It's their daughter.

That's what I think may have happened because I couldn't figure out any other way that they could.

Oh, also with

with my outfit for the funeral, I wore patent leather sneakers.

They were black patent leather.

That's what I was most afraid of with

her mom.

I'm like, is she going to be like, what the fuck?

Like, when do you think you're up in the club or something?

Did they look like sneakers?

They didn't really look like sneakers.

They just looked like patent leather shoes, kind of.

Okay.

So, but I mean, usually you wear them with like a tuxedo or something, not black jeans and a shirt from fucking Macy's.

You just always hope there's someone there who's dressed worse than you are so that they get all the attention.

Well, let me tell you something.

That wish came true.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

By far, there were only two people, Mary Beth's dad and their cousin, who wore a suit.

Okay.

I thought for a second, I was like, shit.

Who wore an actual suit.

And then, I mean, there were guys just in like regular jeans and work boots and like suspenders and shit like that.

Because they're all fucking ancient.

Yeah, you know.

I, uh, my cousin's wedding, I went, I was on my way up there, and I realized I forgot my shoes.

So all I had on was my sandals, and I was so nervous.

Eventually,

we went and bought black socks, so they kind of blended in with the sandals.

But then someone showed up in a Hawaiian t-shirt, like a button-up Hawaiian shirt, and just everyone was just staring at him like glowering.

Totally, everyone's interest went to that.

Oh my god, thank God.

Now,

I wasn't the only one who had a big week.

Walt, you did a con.

This is extremely rare.

Yeah, I went to Orlando Con or Mega Con in Florida

for the weekend, which actually wasn't just a weekend.

It took six days in total to do it all.

To do everything.

To drive there and do the con and come back.

It took six days.

So we...

So, and Giddam came with me.

My wife couldn't get away, so, and I definitely wanted someone to

share the the driving uh workload so i so just so i know the order was your wife and then me

sure

for this story i had a funeral

so he showed up at my house 11 30 on wednesday

and then we were only apart

for a grand total of maybe an hour

until the next tuesday at seven or no at at eight o'clock p.m.

Is that why I'm reading a little bit?

Like, he's like, we were on 287.

You're like, shut up, dude.

Nobody cares what road you were on.

We didn't.

Yeah, there was very little alone time on the trip.

And we shared the room every night.

Right.

You know, slept in this, not in the same bed, but basically it was as close as being in the same bed.

It was, yeah, by Tuesday, I was definitely like, you know, like ready to crawl out of my skin and just be like, it had enough.

It would have been with anybody, though.

Yeah, but

all of Tuesday or just when we hit that New Jersey border?

No, pretty much all of Tuesday.

You know, that's when I fell asleep.

I was just like, I was basically just trying to, you know,

you know, just some find some semblance of fucking like I wasn't in the car any longer.

Just I wanted to just go to sleep.

But yeah, um.

So it took two days to get there, two days to get back.

Yeah.

Stayed at the south of the border the first night.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, right?

Yeah, that's a questionable area.

Yeah, but there's barely no one there, but it's like.

Well, there's nothing around it either.

No, and it doesn't look like they've put any money into it since the 70s.

Really?

Yeah, it was pretty like, you know, frozen in time for when it was last remodeled, which I have to think would be the 80s maybe or the 70s.

$70 a room.

That's it.

So you know,

you're not at a four seasons or a

Taj Mahal.

They are rated four or five.

It says four or five star hotel on their Google

presence.

That's a long time, though.

That's a long time to be in the car.

I heard things

that I don't ever want to hear again.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, noises.

I thought you were going to say confessions or something.

Well, there was not confessions, but just some sad, sad stories that I'm like, like, man, if we had a gun right now, I'd shoot you.

And then myself, I'm so fucking, I'm so sad right now.

Just to put you out of your misery.

Oh, my lord.

You don't know how sad you are, do you?

Oh, yeah.

But some of the, yeah, like, like,

I guess it's

a good thing, but.

I've never heard,

only in movies have I heard it.

And obviously, it was, you know, it is a performance, but I've never heard men squeal

so I didn't really know what it sounded like aside from deliverance that's the only time right and I heard I've heard I heard more squealing and in on this trip then I

well I never want to hear it again it's not like it's not like oh

it's more like good lord dude don't let any other human being ever hear that noise come out of your body again

well it was apparently only when i didn't have beer right?

No, no, the squealing was when you were excited by something.

It was this strange,

unnerving sound.

Like the first time I heard it was when

we stayed on International Drive and we drove past a helicopter launching business.

And this

laugh/slash noise

of pure joy.

It's just,

it was like.

Was he going to, or was he going on the helicopter or just seeing it?

It was noise, though.

It's like a man of his age should not be making noise like that.

No.

Helicopters.

I love helicopters.

I like turtles.

I would hear it again later in the trip.

When we went to Universal, a wonderful aunt was kind enough to gift us some passes to Universal, and we decided to go before we got on the road.

And he went, and when he saw The Simpsons land, he made the same noise.

And

it makes me shudder.

It doesn't inject a little bit of joy into your heart, huh?

It'd be like, he's so happy.

It's just weird.

That noise shouldn't, like, you should never let another human being hear you squeal.

Yeah.

I don't think anyway, no.

Like, if you did that and your wife heard, would you be like readying for a divorce?

Yeah, I would think that like she could, she would never be able to be ready for Coitus ever again.

I don't think if she heard me squeal,

she would be like, it's done.

There is not a chance.

Like it would be, it would be so unattractive to squeal.

Like it was just strange.

It's just not normal.

Have you been told this before?

Squealing is off-putting?

Very grizzly, man, where somebody's like listening to the end of that dude's life and he's like, you should never listen to this.

This is the same level, the same level of like warning of like, no one should ever hear you squeal, Mr.

Steve Dave.

Excited.

Yeah, I get it.

But like, you have to suppress that noise.

Don't ever let anybody else ever hear that noise.

Now, have you been to Orlando before?

Probably, yes.

I'm going to say I don't remember.

I was a child.

Oh, you would have been that young that you didn't remember.

Yeah.

So you go down there and you're like, holy shit.

I mean, well, you've been been there.

I've been there many times.

So it's not, yeah, it's not the.

When you find out there's a place that takes off helicopters right outside your hotel and you would be like, shit, you know how noisy that's going to be?

No, we didn't even hear it.

Yeah.

Well, they didn't fly a lot of the days because the store.

It's just storms down there.

But again, that's not enough to make those strange noise.

Like, that was a side that I don't want to ever see or hear.

You didn't even know existed.

Yeah.

And the day, day the the trip went fine you know there was no incidents of anything that i could but the one thing that happened like right off the bat was so fucking like i was like this is not going to go well if this is a not a good omen to start the trip with is

we walk over from the hotel to the con and we get to the convention center and it's not at that convention center.

It's like, oh, you're not, this is not the section for you.

You got to go a mile and a half the other way.

Of course.

And so like, I'm like, oh, can we walk it?

And they're like, well, there's a bus coming right now.

And the bus is pulling around right as the guy says it.

So we're like, all right, we'll get on the shuttle.

And

like some sort of like eel, like some sort of slippery fucking living eel, my phone must have fucking like slid out of my pocket.

And I didn't know it until I got off the bus.

And as the bus is like slowly driving away, I go, oh, shit.

I don't have my phone.

But it's only going like two to five miles an hour.

So I'm like, all right, I'm going to take off after it.

And like, do you remember like in Lethal Weapon when Riggs started chasing down a car on Hollywood Boulevard with no shoes?

Yes.

Yes.

Do you remember?

And he caught up to it.

This bus wasn't even going like a tenth of how fast that car was that Riggs chased down in that movie.

And I couldn't catch a bus that was going like maybe three miles an hour as it just like slowly went through the parking lot.

I am running and I am running and I can't catch it.

And at a certain point, I'm like, it turns and it's going.

It doesn't stop.

I thought maybe it would stop and pick up other people, but it didn't.

So I'm like, all right, I'll cut through the parking lot and maybe it will go right instead of left.

And maybe I'll catch it this way.

I'll cut through the parking lot and save myself a whole bunch of real estate.

And as I'm cutting through the parking lot, I'm wearing a devil's shirt.

Somebody yells, oh, devil's family.

I can hear it in the background.

I'm not really like paying attention to it.

I'm like,

I'm being heckled as I'm running through the parking lot lot about being a devil fan, but I'm not

acknowledging it.

I'm not, it's in the background as I'm going, like, what am I going to do if I don't have a phone?

Like, I'm never going to get my phone back.

Right.

And I don't know what I'm going to do then in Florida without the phone.

So I'm more focused on that.

But then the bus doesn't go the way I thought it might go.

It goes the opposite way.

And it's hopeless.

I'm never going to catch it.

So I stop.

You know, I've just been running now through a parking lot for a pretty long distance.

So I'm like, and I go, fuck.

And I turn around and that guy who is heckling me now has like a whole bunch of other people.

And all these fucking nerds

start laughing.

And I want to fucking explode on them.

Yeah.

And I want to like go over there and be like, what the fuck are you laughing about, asshole?

But I'm like, okay, do I want a confrontation right now?

The con hasn't even begun yet.

This is day one.

This is day one.

I'm not even in the convention center yet.

And I'm like, what are they fucking?

What is so funny that they're laughing?

Do they know?

They can't possibly know my phone that I'm chasing my phone.

What is it that's making them laugh so hard?

So I walk over and they're like, oh, go devils.

And I look and I'm like, are you fucking,

like, how brain dead are you?

Like, this is what you find is funny?

Like, I thought the comic book community was more,

you know, weren't so like fucking confrontational just because I'm wearing a New Jersey Devils t-shirt.

There's other fandoms there.

There's like anime fandom, animation fandoms.

So maybe.

You would think the least you would find would be sports fans.

Right.

Yeah, Yeah, I found it so strange.

At a comic convention, I don't think you find that many sports fans.

Yeah, that's right.

It was so strange.

But I got myself under composure, and I'm like more like, okay, I can't fucking worry about these idiots.

I got to figure out how I'm going to get my phone back.

So then I met back up with him, and he's like, well, I'll wait for the phone.

I mean, because the bus is probably coming back around.

And the driver wouldn't give me his name.

Yeah, that was the other thing, too, that was strange.

As we were getting off, like, he had a conversation with the driver the whole way over there.

Well, as we're getting on, number one, someone recognizes him.

That's true.

Yeah,

they're like, Why are you taking a bus?

Why aren't you winning Kevin Smith's fucking limo?

That's what they say.

And I'm just like, you know, already right off the bat.

I'm just like, yeah.

Why did I do this?

Yeah.

Just get him a quick squeal.

Take the onus off baby.

And as he takes off running, I'm just standing there.

They're like looking at me.

And I'm like, yeah, I'm not running.

But then I got worried.

I'm like, what if he gets lost?

So I tried to keep him in sight for as long as i could it's a huge parking it is a huge parking lot yes it was so i'm like if he gets lost i can't call him or anything and he won't know where he is so you started running after no i walked at a quick quicker pace with no general direction where to go either i i could kind of spot your head but then it like it disappeared yeah so we eventually hooked up and he's like he goes uh he goes you got to call me

Because we need Tom's number.

And I'm like, I got Tom's number.

I didn't know he had Tom Mom's personal number.

Like, he has it as if it's like

I got it.

Like, what are you kidding me?

So we finally me and mom were

we get mom on the phone.

Mom comes out, gives him, um, gives each our, gives us each our pass, takes him inside, and I'm like, I'll just wait for the bus.

And sure enough, but yeah, but we were getting off that bus, though, like, they had this long conversation.

Well, of course, the bus driver is expecting a tip, though,

because of this long conversation.

Of course, fucking get him, doesn't fucking give him a tip, but that, but don't want to know his name, though.

and so why do you want to know his name i just wanted you to say i could say you know have a good day your name okay and then he tells him when he asks what's your name sir he goes not important

i'd feel like such an asshole right yeah

but so i gave him the tip and i thought maybe that would go you know maybe a little ways of maybe he would find the phone and hold on to it but it turns out like nobody even saw the phone.

So he walked onto the bus and got the phone and nobody even knew it, right?

No, the driver didn't know, but the people on the bus did because when I i kind of recognized the bus so i started calling as soon as the i saw it i called it a couple times called the phone yeah so as soon as the buses started pulling up i called the number and i was like hey did anybody find a phone and people like yes yes here it is here it is so grabbed it and went right inside and i was so that that's a rarity yeah to get a phone book that turned out pretty well as as well as it could have happened because i thought for sure i was just like what the fuck am i going to do how am i going to fucking replace the phone now while i'm in florida it's all there's so much like stuff on it that I would just got it too right yeah and so much artwork and stuff that I was just like I don't know if it would be saved you know somewhere else I don't know if it would if I put it into the cloud or whatever so much technical shit that I was just like beyond beyond like fucking annoyed but thankfully that worked out and then you know the con was fine it was a lot of wonderful listeners came out you know without them I think the whole fucking weekend would have been a fucking disaster in terms of like trying to sell books I think the only people who brought books were, you know, the listeners.

And a lot of them had already had it already because they had a, it was a Patreon gift.

So it was, it's amazing, you know, that that is like, you know, that that kind of support doesn't go unnoticed.

And

we did a lot of, um, I ate my first Shonis.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Show how to show you the Shoni.

Shonies, I thought for sure it was going to be like Cajun, but it's actually pretty plain.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Cajun.

Just a name.

No mention of Cajun on it.

But just a name.

I was like, that name just sounds too exotic for me.

Shones.

Had a really nice waitress.

She was coming.

Yeah, we did Denny's out of the six nights.

We did Denny's three.

We did Friendly's twice, Shoni's,

and maybe four times Denny's.

So we did it on the way up and on the way back.

Which was good because you don't want to introduce.

I took a little walk on the wild side by going to Shoni's.

I was not going to fucking risk introducing new food into my diet, you know, on the road.

You don't know what's going to happen.

Yeah, you don't want to fucking be in a hotel room with a nut with a man that you barely fucking, you had no idea.

You fucking squealed.

Now you're going to be

one of your weakest moments.

I brought Pepto with me just in case.

I'm full box.

But while the food was consistent, one thing that really varied is the employees.

Because we walked into the first Denny's and she opens up with, I'm having a rough day.

I might get your orders wrong

yeah that's how she opened up with it and she did get the order wrong yeah we did correct error just like it it's fine how

I mean I get having a rough day it's not that busy but like knowing like ahead of time like I'm probably gonna get your order wrong wouldn't that make you more conscientious well I kind of

I kind of appreciated the honesty it's like you know what I might get the order wrong.

So just so you know.

So it wasn't a shock.

It wasn't like.

Don't be giving me a lot of shit.

But you're writing it down on a pad.

Like, where does the chance to go go wrong start?

Well, you know what?

It went wrong.

So it did.

In our favor, though.

Well, that's in the eye of the beholder.

He ordered chicken-fried chicken and got chicken-fried steak, and Bub was charged for chicken-fried chicken.

And that was enough to fucking make him float at a fucking Denny's.

He was just like so happy to fucking get over on the man.

You fucked over Denny's.

It was our fault.

I saw their corporate earnings the other day.

Every meal that this guy got

looked exactly the same.

Undescribable, kind of,

don't know what kind of meat it is,

covered in white, almost like...

Sausage gravy.

White sausage gravy?

Yeah.

Almost looked like watery mashed potatoes.

Right.

Yeah.

I know exactly what you're talking about.

Every single dish

drenched in this nasty, watery, white goop.

Can I have have a ham sandwich or something?

Gravy on top of it.

That was great.

You could dip your fries in it.

It was with, I had mashed potatoes with it.

It went on the fry.

It went with everything.

Yeah.

Do you eat that white gravy at home that much?

No.

Nobody ate it at every meal on the road.

Well, it was either a burger, a burger with some kind of brisket on it, because everything down there has brisket on it for some reason, which is not bad.

But

what are the odds if you're taking your laying bets?

How much would you go in on does Giddam snore or does he not snore?

I would lay

like your life depends on it.

I would be like, he snores.

Yeah, he does.

Was it tremendous?

He does some.

Yeah, he can fucking take the paint off the walls.

I'm not saying I don't either, but he also did this thing early on when I noticed when he didn't drink before falling asleep, he would always go out and buy the tall boys.

No, no, no, nobody had the tall boys.

Oh, whatever.

Well, okay, so then you made up for no tall boys with like six cans of beer.

It was a four-pack.

It was a four-pack.

It was a four-pack of natty ice.

Nobody knew what natty daddy was.

And then I finally found a Circle K that had tall boys in it.

And that album was like, oh, this is the greatest thing in the world.

Wait, Natty Daddy and Natty Ice?

They're two different things?

Yes.

Okay.

Natty Ice.

Natty Daddy is the tall ones?

Well, no, Natty Daddy is their eight ABV beer.

Natty Ice is the 5.9, and then Natty Light is the 4.3.

So alcohol comes.

Yes.

And

there is a stage of his sleep where it can only be described as the sound of an animal whimpering in a fucking trap.

I'm not lying.

I'm not lying.

I remember waking up at like 4 o'clock in the morning.

And being like, what the fuck?

Is there like a fucking...

There's a fox in a snare.

Is there a chipmunk in a fucking get trapped in a mousetrap or something?

He was whimpering,

and I noticed he didn't whimper as loudly or as clearly when he was lubed up with some natty.

Really?

Yeah, I think he was whimpering in his sleep for alcohol

because you didn't have it that night?

Well, he stopped at the south of the border, yeah, so there was no chance.

I didn't realize I could have stopped probably at any truck stop and pick some up along the way, but it just didn't enter my mind.

But yeah, when he got down to Florida, like CBS had it, Walgreens had it.

It's weird in other states, like who sells alcohol?

And you come to Jersey and it's like, oh, you have liquor stores?

Like, what the hell is that all about?

And there was one liquor store, but like I said, they didn't know what natty daddy was.

And I was just confused, but I was like, okay, I'll just take your

natty ice.

I didn't think mom was going to be there.

He ended up going.

He showed up for

Thursday, which we weren't there for Thursday, and half of Friday.

And then he had to go back to wherever he was filming something.

And

yeah.

But I feel bad, though, forget him, because I feel like if he had gone with anybody else, he would have had like

a much more tremendous time.

Like if he goes with Ming,

he's having a much different experience.

Like with me, it's like con

friendlies

back to the room.

Immediately, back to the room.

And you're like in one of the most fun places in America.

And you're like, you can watch it from the window.

Watch other people have fun.

I think if mum was there or if Ming were there, he would have had

a tremendous

little

vacation experience.

And I think that he was kind of saddled with a fucking, oh, come on.

I had a blast.

I literally had a blast.

It was the high point of my life in the past couple of years.

Oh, that's nice to hear.

I mean, I didn't know he collected,

which kind of, it makes total sense now.

I remember I tell my wife and I was like, yeah, I could see it.

How much money did you spend on elongated pennies?

Not 20 bucks.

So do you have any elongated pennies, $20 spice?

Do you know how many?

He just sounded like he had like 5,000 keys in his pocket as he walked, but they were just filled with elongated pennies.

From every machine he walked by, he would throw in a dollar or two dollars to get a penny.

That was the kind of thing we did when we were like in fifth grade.

Like you went on a school trip, you're like, oh, let me get one of these pennies.

The elongated penny machines are invisible to me.

And he would find them everywhere.

Then I would stare right through them because I could give two shits less about elongated pennies.

Yeah, because they don't have one in the Harry Potter world because it destroys the illusion.

of Harry Potter having this modern penny machine in it.

So you have to go to the main gift shop and there's a Harry Potter machine in there.

So he's like, he goes, oh, I'll go look for it for you while I was, you know, trying to get pennies out of another machine.

Who's that?

Who's that who said that?

You.

I did.

Oh, okay.

Yes.

And I went and looked for it.

Yeah, I couldn't find it.

And then he walks in immediately.

He's like, it's right there.

I was staring right at it.

And I go, you know, they don't have one.

Let's go.

And, you know, like, and I hear this about like teenagers suffer, you know, a lot, I think, and probably really

any age probably suffers from this, but it was hammered home home to me on this trip how much social media can influence and affect other people's

state of mind.

Because the amount of people who texted me and were like, oh my God, I can't believe I'm so jealous.

You're in Florida right now.

It looks like you're having the time of your life.

And it's like, because you posted one picture, like one millisecond snapshot of like him like posing with like a fucking, with some

fucking ass clown who's dressed as doc brown

and and man the man like it was his life like he is full on oh i gotta do this uh um look i'm gonna

but it's weird though like how like people were just like

like

thinking that like it's like

we're at you know fucking what's like what big huge party what's that like uh that party that uh like coacheller's yes

like yeah and i'm just like, it's fucking 95 degrees.

Every line is 75 minutes long to ride something.

There are so many people.

It's day

fucking five of a six-day trip, and I haven't been alone once in the last fucking six days.

It was a good time, but like, I left you in that hotel lobby that one time when it was pouring rain.

But yeah, so like, it is weird that, like, you know, how like a simple snapshot and everybody like is like

longing.

Like, you're so lucky.

Yeah, and it's kind of like, I wonder if that's how, like, you know, like, like, kids and teenagers, like, when, like, they see postings of other people, like,

it could get them in a bad state of mind because, like, oh, I'm not involved, I'm not doing that.

They see they look like they're having the time and best times of their lives.

They see the smiley face, but they don't hear the whimpering and the squealing.

And the night terrors.

I think that's a big thing: is like people who like

who create this tapestry of like a perfect life online.

And then when you look behind the curtain, it's like you peek behind you and it's a lot of whimpering and fucking

some squealing in there and some squealing.

But overall, though, I mean, it was, you know, like I said, the ants who came out, the wonderful

gifts,

just...

So many gifts, so many like wonderful comments.

And like I said, the gifts that were offered and the tickets, just so nice.

And

you know, like, I mean, like, I'm sure, like, you like, you know, when what you said, like, you just had the best time in the last couple years of your life.

Yeah, you know,

I don't want to give anybody's name

because I think a lot of people I remember were like, don't say my name on the pod.

But, you know, the guy who gifted us those tickets, you know,

you should thank him verbally on the podcast right now.

By name?

No, no.

Oh, of course not.

I just said, don't thank me.

Oh, okay.

Well,

thank you again, again person whose name you know he knows who he is yeah yeah and there was like other people who worked at the parks too like were like you want passes you want passes yeah yeah they're like yeah yeah yeah it's like you go down there and it's like the con I just want to do all this other stuff yeah yeah definitely

yeah the the

con was packed covet breakout there was a covet breakout there yeah really yeah

thank god me and get him were in our rooms not you know not like doing the after party doing the after-party stuff.

He said there was 140,000 people there.

140,000.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But it was just so much to see just sitting at your table, like just walking by.

Oh, yes.

Yeah, he was overwhelmed.

He crashed one of the nights where he was so grouchy and so pissy to me.

And he's like, I've had enough.

I'm at my limit.

For what?

And to me, I'm just like, this is the best moment of the trip.

Like, to me, this is more exciting than any ride, any attraction, as I see him fucking going into, like,

he's crashing big time.

He's like, I'm overloaded.

I'm overstimulated.

He's trying to tell me.

I'm just like,

oh, my God, you where did this happen?

Wimp.

I had just had enough.

And I think I pegged a moment it was we were

there was big storm came through.

We're at Friendlies.

Big Storm comes through.

And I wanted to go outside.

Friendlies wait.

Do you want to take

how long the friendly's waits were on international drive on international drive

season I'm gonna go ahead and say 90 minutes yeah yeah and every time they're like calling we waited though yeah and every time every time we call a name Walt's like I think they left I think they left

I think they left

and so they'd say their name really low then he'd be like yeah yeah they left

no but uh I went to go outside and take a picture of the storm like a video or something because it was it was a big big storm we everybody got like the uh tornado warnings on our phones.

And there was just this group of people standing in front of the door inside the lobby and they wouldn't move.

And they just had no situational awareness that people are trying to leave this place.

And I just, I just, like, I, like, I'm done.

That's it.

I'm done.

I'm going into the storm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, he just.

Because, like, as soon as the check came, I'm like, I'll go get the car.

And I'm just sitting out in front of the

friendlies.

He's like mad, dad at this point, like, acting as if, like, I'm the, I'm the fucking, like, I'm annoying him.

No, no, I told him

I wanted to be alone.

I just wanted to be alone for like a couple minutes.

Join the club.

He says a couple minutes, you say three days at least.

Oh yeah, then

you know, when we're on the way back to the hotel, I'm like,

I'm sorry, I said I just had enough.

And you know, and I want to say too, you know, mom and blue juice, they run a great ship, and they offered to pick up Giddam's room when he found out, you know, Giddam was coming.

But I was like, you know what?

I don't know if you're going to make enough.

No one knows what you're going to sell this weekend.

So I was like, it's fine.

We'll share the room.

Find a corner you can sleep in.

Does it inspire you to go back?

Get him?

Like, does it make you want to go back?

I hope so.

It's entirely possible.

Yeah.

I don't know what he did all that differently than here, though.

Oh, really?

Really, at the end of the day, I mean, he stays here and drinks and watches hockey, you know, after hours.

And that's what he did there.

He did nothing different.

I did.

It was like seeing everything.

It was just, like I said, it's just.

Oh, the cosplayers.

Oh, yeah.

He saw some cosplayers with high socks, which is his thing.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

He loves high socks.

Is it like those tube socks or just high socks in general?

Yeah, just knee socks is always preferable, especially if stripes are always good.

But there were some people that

shouldn't have been cosplaying high sockets.

That's bullshit.

That's awful.

You can't do it.

Who the fuck are you?

But he was very disappointed with what I considered the best cosplayers that I saw, which was there was a guy who looked just like Scotty from Star Trek.

He won't know.

Oh, I was like, who the fuck is Scotty?

Scotty from Star Trek.

And there was four people

they were as supermarket sweep teams.

Oh, wow.

And I'm like, you just, it's the worst game show of all time.

But he doesn't have enough awareness, though, when somebody comes up to him and and recognizes him while they're also in costume, though, he doesn't have enough to be like,

My favorite costume was this.

You don't have to tell people that, like, what their favorite costume was and saying that you don't like their costume.

I didn't know.

Oh, you were telling people, like, this is okay, but

how did you dress like this guy?

No, I preface and said, I'm like,

your outfit is my major.

My favorite is.

But for me, for me personally, I need to say that.

Like, it would be something that could have win a contest, but for me personally, that was what tickled my fancy and almost made me squeal.

He got mad at me because I fucking had the audacity to fall asleep on the road,

on the trip back.

I had the audacity to fall asleep for an hour and a half, an hour and a half.

And he could listen to whatever he wanted.

But yet he fucking, and I said, put on whatever you want.

But if he's going to put on NPR, then you have to know I'm going to fucking fall asleep then.

That's what you decided on?

NPR?

I figured NPR is, it's smart.

It's funny.

It lulls you into sleep for sure.

But

it had been over.

And when you're sitting next to someone who's low-key snoring,

it starts making...

I was getting drowsy.

And I knew I shouldn't be drowsy.

But it's like...

It's true.

Yeah, it's like hearing that someone else sleeping.

I had the window down.

I was pinching myself.

I was trying everything I could to stay awake.

Like you're trying to sleep through all this shit.

I told him he can't go to his go-to, which to keep himself awake on the road, if you remember what his go-to was.

Pulling over to the side of the road and masturbating.

Oh, that's real.

That's right.

We're on fucking 295.

Pulled over.

Snoozing.

He's like going nuts on himself.

But we were going through Washington, which is really a lot of that's where we switched a lot of the roads in Washington, D.C.

So, like, you know, he was asleep, and it was just, it was like I said, it was hitting me.

And

he's just like, oh, welcome back.

So fucking condescending.

Imagine not falling asleep for an hour.

Well, he's supposed to be the navigator.

Now, did you guys find, because I found this driving out to Ohio and back,

I don't know if I'm getting old or I'm just old already, but I'm like, why are people driving like this?

Every,

all the time.

Like, it was, I was trying to keep the cruise control on like 80 to 82.

Like, that was like the comfortable speed.

And then just people would just pull right in front of you and slow down.

And you're like, come on, back off back off the thing

and okay now they move okay back back up now some truck wants to

it looks like he's trying to pass the truck neck that was in front of him but he's going like a half mile over the speed that other truck's going so i'm like so they're just like locked

in lock step the whole time

i'm like oh yeah that doesn't really bother me

really when i drive yeah because i'm probably that driver Oh, then I'm like, what the fuck is this guy doing?

Yeah,

I'm probably that driver.

So when anybody around me is doing that too, I'm just like, oh, I know what that guy's doing.

He's doing what he's doing.

Hey, brother.

I was trying to go faster than every other lane and just do a nice, steady speed.

And yeah, it's just, some people just want to stop that.

He was fucking, shockingly, can you imagine this?

He was outraged by a cosplayer costume that was too sexy, he said.

Too sexy.

Can you imagine that?

He was absolutely like angry about it back at the room.

I didn't see it.

But somebody else saw it and they said that they weren't.

They said it was kind of outrageous too, but I could not believe that he was like this Puritan of where he was like, it was wrong.

It crossed the line.

No, why did it cross the line?

Who were you afraid of?

It was sexy Jesse and Woody from Toy Story.

Okay.

And it was pretty much, they just had underwear on.

Right.

And it's just like, there's some things that shouldn't be sexualized.

So you're saying that it's not that it's too sexy.

It's that the source material is not up to you.

Like, like a kid seeing them approaching would be like, oh, Woody and Jesse.

And then when they saw them going.

Woody, oh my God,

for real.

Yeah.

Like there was underwear in the front, but not underwear in the back.

Like, that's how.

But was Woody a dude?

No, it was both girls.

Both females, but one was playing...

Woody and one was playing Jesse, yes.

And one was playing Jesse.

That makes me want to search out pictures on the internet to check them out.

Not get all offended.

Were you like, oh, like it for you, what did it touch a personal place where you're like you remembered that movie fondly as a kid how old were you when it came out

that was the 90s so i was in college i think i was in college when it came out okay so it's not like a childhood thing yeah it's i think it's just that there's certain things that like you just shouldn't sexualize like and it was there was a lot of kids there there was a lot of families there you know and it was just it was like bothersome uh-huh yeah yeah like 99.9 were done in very good taste you know, and then there was just some that was just like,

like, I want to wear my underwear today, and I'm just going to throw a

was it like body paint or just a sexy costume?

No, it was, it was from the waist down, it was just a pair of underwear, like a thong underwear, and nothing else.

You can't shame people these days.

No, no, no, I'm not.

He didn't.

He did.

He went into the room to fucking unload on me.

As if it was my fault.

No, but like I said, someone else.

I don't know if he had fit onto his fifth natty at that point when he started fucking

when you're wearing your thong tomorrow, Walt.

Although, that's Walt.

Walt, I'm at the liquor store.

He's like, why don't you buy two?

Because you're going to drink two eventually.

Yeah.

I was like, why do we have to keep going back to the liquor store every night?

We have a fridge in there.

We're there for three nights.

Buy enough for three nights.

Nope.

Can't do it.

Because I'll drink it all, he said.

No,

it's temptation.

Yes, it's temptation.

Not that I will.

It's temptation.

I could eat another beer just quick, get rid of the snoring.

Wow,

that sounds like a trip, man.

Yeah, it was a blast.

Your lady couldn't get out of work.

No, well, then she also had to watch my niece, which she had promised that months ago because her brother and his wife had a very special thing that they had to go to, so she wasn't going to bail on them.

Gotcha.

And then she would have to get out of work, too.

And plus,

he stayed at, I didn't know he was going to stay at the con the entire time.

He never fucking left the Blue Juice table.

I did.

Well, I'm talking about,

like, he would walk around for like two seconds and then come right back, but he could have, he had the whole day to himself.

My wife could have done anything.

Yeah, my wife assumed he was just going to go see the sights.

And I was like, no, no, he just stayed at the table the entire time.

But they made a

sign for me.

Tom Mia made him a placard.

Oh, yeah.

Like that he was a guest at the.

And like they tweeted about it.

So I'm like, well, I'm like obligated.

Oh, yeah.

He loved it, though.

Oh, his fucking head was fucking fat.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, full of grizzle.

Just sitting there fucking judging Woody and Jim.

No, no, no, fat, no, fat, because people were like, like, wanted a picture with him.

That's what I mean.

He starts getting

all full of himself.

I know.

And what Guy was doing.

What?

Oh, and he's like, he's, you know, Walt would sign something, and

the Blue Juice guy's like, hey, I don't know if you know, but Giddam worked on that book as well.

And Giddam had laid out some fonts for me, so we gave him a credit in there, like production assistant.

So like

he would, and you did it as well.

You know, I worked on the book too.

You want me to sign it?

Oh,

nobody said no, thank God.

No, it was because

I felt a little less embarrassed that I was saying it than having somebody really say it for me.

I think it's much more, it goes down smoother if somebody else said it.

I just, I was, it was definitely.

Oh, yeah.

It's not smooth either way.

No.

But like, do you want me to sign that?

But you know what, the reality was that 99.9% of the people who bought the book were listeners.

So they more than wanted, you know,

they wanted a signature on it.

Yeah.

Then I brought down some 8x10s and I forgot them except for Sunday.

So then I was selling 8x10s that I was signing

himself.

So you forgot them two days?

In my bag.

They were in my bag.

Yeah, so I forgot to bring them to the con.

And it was like the

most shameful, most embarrassing moment where I want to crawl up into a ball and for him, as somebody came up and wanted something signed.

Tom, are you going to pay me?

So somebody came up and wanted something signed and

definitely a listener because he had, he was decked out in all sorts of like TSD stuff.

But Ginim goes, as he starts to walk away, Gimme goes like, hey, do you want an 8x10 of me?

I'm guessing the answer.

The guy looks at them and he's just like,

I already spent my budgeted money for the con this weekend.

And there's that long pause, like as they both, like as Gim doesn't know what to say, and they're just staring at each other.

The guy just turns around and walks away.

And I said to him, I was like, don't ever do that again.

Don't ever do that again.

Well, we had taken wagers.

Painful.

We had taken wagers the night before on how many I was going to be able to move.

So you pushed your dignity aside in order to try to win a paper.

I had four.

I thought he would sell four.

Timmy had four.

Yeah, Timmy Hill.

Timmy Hill was down here, too.

And I said, what did I say?

You said three.

I said two, yeah.

So he wanted to push, he wanted to get to that magic five eight by ten.

What are the eight by tens?

Like, what do they look like?

It was the one of me standing in the water with my safety gear on from Bigfoot, and then the one of me as the dwarf in the Golden Girls, Marie Williams.

Like staring up,

pondering.

Right.

Yeah.

So holy cow.

I was like, I should bring these down.

I said, I should just bring these down just in case.

And you had them made up.

Now,

do you send them out to people just for the hell of it?

Well, we.

I'm just wondering, what are you going to do with the rest of them?

They're almost all gone now.

They're almost all gone.

They were ordered over two years ago.

Yeah,

we had to order Baron ones, and there was a price break when he hit 100.

So we were at like 75, and I'm like, okay, I'll just get 15 of this one, 10 of this one, and to bring it up to 100, because then it would actually be cheaper than buying 75.

Yeah, we were putting them in the eBay auctions.

Give them to people.

Yeah, back when we were working at the store

as a little incentive to buy whatever product we were selling.

And I'm not sure if you saw the photo they used of me.

It was me in the world's largest adder on deck chair.

I didn't see that.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

You didn't miss much.

No.

No.

By not seeing that.

It's one of the many truck stops we stopped at.

It still does sound more fun than a funeral, though.

Yeah.

I would agree with that, too.

Until the last day.

Q never called in, huh?

Q never called in.

Never texted in?

Nope.

He's in Vegas, baby.

I'm sure

whatever is going on is going to stay in Vegas.

I'm on stage.

I'm entertaining the masses.

Listen to them squeal.

Do you guys have any Memorial Day plans?

Yeah.

I know you won't be barbecuing in honor of the veterans.

No.

I didn't even know it was Memorial Day weekend.

I was shocked that the month was over already.

It flew by.

Didn't it, though?

Yeah.

What about you?

i got nothing yeah just a little just

just be a nice you know reserve memorial date in in reverence yep

silence vigil yeah watch some private saving priming ryan or something like that

i saw your rangers lost huh yeah but they're gonna win tonight

ain't there any other how many ads that was it we did it when you were walking the dog so okay wow yeah multitasking very efficient yeah all right so there's only one thing that's left.

To say, Tell him, Steve, Dave.

That's it.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

There you go.