#503: 30 Years of Nuthin’

Are you friends with John Five?

No, I'm not friends with John Five.

I wish I was.

Well, I'm sure Piggy D likes to hear that.

I gotta be honest, it won't won't be as meaningful

if I'm your assistant.

Things we could do with Elon Musk, we'll put him up against Giddam in terms of like, you know, who's smarter.

Yeah.

Get him Trisha.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave.

I'm here with a BQ.

Hello.

And here with my bro from Broside Attractions, Walt.

Yo, bro.

I heard you've been broing it around without me.

Oh, yeah.

Browing it up and down at flea markets and such.

That's true.

But we didn't have a camera, though.

We were going trying to go a little incognito, a little, you know,

no high-profile, you know, no cameras.

I see.

Trying to snag

freaking deals left and right.

Do you have any?

No, not really.

So not left nor right.

No.

Which one?

Which one did you go to?

I went to a place all the way down in Smithville, down way down in South Jersey, called Old Town, because it was indoors, because it was raining.

I had to find a place that was indoors.

Gotcha.

You know, like, I was thinking about Frank Vive driving so much, as much as he does.

And they say that's one of the

hallmarks of serial killers, is that they'll drive incredible distances and not care.

Like they'll put thousands and thousands and thousands of miles on their car.

I will say this.

I cannot believe how willing and gung-ho he is to like take some fucking horrendous rides for not great,

not fantastic payoffs.

I was looking

at him with a lot of like, wow, man, that's incredible.

Like, you know, a little bit of

like,

he's amazing.

But now you're painting it in a much darker light.

It's a five-hour drive, right?

Five-hour drive.

Yeah, he came down yesterday.

We're going to hit three flea markets.

We only wound up hitting two.

One was absolutely closed because of the rain, which kind of bummed us out.

But then we scored.

Not, you know, he scored.

His wife scored

at the last place we went to.

She wound up spending like 50 bucks on a bunch of trinkets and socks that he was not that happy with.

Really?

He's like, I don't need stuff.

Is there not like an Amtrak train or something they could take down that would cut it down to like two and a half hours or something?

No, I don't think so.

I think it's like if you got from Jersey to where he lives, it's four and a half.

And it was six and a half because there was so much traffic on Friday afternoon when he came down.

Because of the holidays and he hit rush hour.

Yeah.

Oh, Frank.

Like, forget going from upstate New York to South Jersey.

Even like living in Jersey, if someone were like, hey, you want to go to South Jersey for a flea market?

I'd be like,

are we doing bro side at least?

I owe him, though.

Now, I told him the next time we do something, I got to go to him.

It's just not fair.

It's just not right that he keeps coming this way.

He seems to not give a fuck at all, though.

That has to be a facade.

There's no way any human being isn't just like, why the fuck isn't he ever ever come up my way?

It's just human nature.

I haven't seen it yet.

He's that good.

He's that like

up, upbeat, and yeah, like, and telling me over and over again.

But if you guys are recording,

all the equipment and technical support is down here.

Yes.

So he can't, what are you going to do?

Drag, get him up there.

Now you're stuck in a car with get him for five hours, setting up equipment?

Well, that's the thing.

Like

this last flea market day trip we took um there was no cameras it was no projects it was just like you know just i didn't well like i didn't want to have to be like on just wanted to relax and go out into flea market like we like i did in the old days and that's what we did but now i feel obligated like i next time i have to go out his way yeah it's just or or i'm being a douchebag i think you've been to statin island like three times in all these years

well if you said let's go flea marketing i'd be up there a little bit more Oh, so you're going to go to Boston flea markets or wherever?

That's where you're going?

Well, upstate New York.

You know, we've been to his house.

I know how far it is.

It's a fucking hike.

Yeah, and we were there because of another reason, because we were going to a con.

It's not like we just went up there to see him.

I would, though.

I think I would if I was going to spend like a day or two.

I don't think I'd, like, how long did he stay?

He didn't just stay the day, please.

Yeah, he was gone.

He took off around 10.30

because his wife had to get back for an engagement on sunday morning so

i'm on right yeah yeah i can hear you yeah i hear you okay

wow so 10 hours 10 hours round trip a full

full 10 hour he he maintains uh you know he's having such a great time like and just hanging out that it's totally worth it

yeah the test will come when it's my turn

see how strong that friendship is

that's a long ride man

Especially if your wife has an engagement the next morning.

Like, I would want a little bit of a little cushion there, you know?

Yeah, why did, why did, not that it's not always great to have Mrs.

Five around, but like, why would she even come?

Why would she not see?

Well, then my wife came to, we made a, it's a couples thing.

Got you, got you.

Yeah, like they're like, we went on the trip to

the Grand Canyon, yeah, and like

the misses hit it off fantastic.

Oh, yeah.

They, they, they, like texted everything?

They clicked.

Yeah, they clicked.

They have so much in common.

Their fathers are carpenters, and their fathers worked in flooring

for their whole lives.

There were so many things that they had in common.

It was eerie at times.

And

they really get along.

Oh, cool.

That's nice.

Yeah, so

it's nice to go out with couples, I think.

It's fun.

It makes differences.

Is it?

It is.

I wouldn't know.

Oh, please.

You and Q are constantly going places.

I'd never hear, like, we're going here, we're going there, we're going to fucking Barbados.

We're going to fucking.

Nobody ever says anything.

I'd never say anything.

Like, one fucking flea market weekend out of the year.

The other day, Marybeth was making dinner, right?

I'm curious to see your guys' opinion on this.

She's making dinner, and I'm like, how long is it going to take?

It's going to take like an hour, right?

And I'm already hungry.

So I said, oh, I was going to have a couple of peanut butter crackers before dinner.

And she goes, so have a couple of peanut butter crackers.

It won't kill you.

So now my question is, I go upstairs.

I eat these peanut butter crackers, and I choke to death on it.

She comes up there, finds me dead.

Does she have an obligation to tell people that I told him it wouldn't kill him, but it did anyway?

Oof.

Well, she shouldn't.

She shouldn't.

She should keep that close to the vest.

Right now, she's a victim.

I like she's lost her husband.

Yeah, there's no coming her way.

Right.

Yeah.

She's going to cast herself as the villain.

But now she's got to live with it.

She'll be fine.

These peanut butter crackers, I'm not familiar with them.

Is this something that is a cracker that's flavored like peanut butter?

Or do you have to put peanut butter on a cracker?

Put peanut butter on it.

It's like a rich cracker.

Put put a little peanut butter on it, staves off hungry.

So, are you at a stage in your life gets in our 20s?

I can't imagine you ever think to yourself, wow, if I eat this peanut butter cracker, I might die.

I just need a few.

No, I didn't think that.

Because now in your 50s, you're like, wow, if this goes down the wrong way, I might not make it.

Anything could be a misstep.

Could be curtains for me if I eat this peanut butter cracker.

But then the question went just a hair further into like, because I came back downstairs because I thought of it while I was upstairs.

I was like, what if this happened?

And then I went back upstairs and I said, okay, so what if it happened after the conversation about me dying?

Now where's her responsibility?

Because she could have stopped me at any moment.

We knew it was a real danger.

It could have happened.

Yeah, but I mean, it's like

bowling with the bumpers on, man.

Is that how you want to live your life or you just want to eat crackers?

I want to eat crackers, baby.

Don't worry about it.

If you go out doing what you love, in this case, being eating peanut butter crackers, then that's not a bad way to go.

I saw a picture today on Reddit.

I don't know if you guys do this.

Like, I woke up this morning and

clicked open the Reddit app.

I scroll down the front page, right?

And there's like a photo of

child soldiers from the 1970s holding the dismembered heads of other child soldiers.

And I was like, what country?

I couldn't even

say some sort of, yeah, yeah, and

I was like man this is a hell of a way to start the day

I didn't intend for that like normally like if I click open on Reddit there's like a picture of like a dog eating eating a treat and like talking like a human for it or stuff like that

that's much better way you start the day yeah I I like to look at some cute animal shit and then I'll get down like the rabbit hole where I'm like suddenly I'll be on like hour two of fucking like bunnies and fucking cute kittens but this time it was like it was like uh it was like a blurred out photo and it's it's about child soldiers, and I wasn't paying attention, and it was decapitated heads.

And it's a fucking 8 a.m.

on a Sunday, and it really fucked up my day, man.

Now, is this like a rival tribe?

I don't know.

Like, they are like on some sort of like, you know,

remote island where there isn't where like, where they're yeah.

The way the kids are dressed, it looks like they're

no, no, not

no.

Uh, they were wearing like camouflage like pants, and they had the the AK-47.

Yeah, you gotta

as a society, you don't put much weight in

the youth and

put much importance on raising kids

if you're willing to put like an eight-year-old in a position where he has to cut off another eight-year-old's head.

I gotta tell you, he didn't seem that bothered by it.

I think that picture is just a

second snapshot.

I think the rest of that was...

Of a horrible life.

Oh, man, dude.

I hadn't even had my morning tea.

Nothing woke me up.

I just saw decapitated heads, and I was like, man, I wish I had not clicked on it.

I wish I had just clicked on the fucking...

There was a video of a cute dog racing a guy in a sled down a snow hill waltz and I didn't click on that.

Went for the heads.

Yeah, I went for the heads, and I really read it, man.

It kind of

can't unsee it.

No, I can't unsee it.

I can't.

I wish I can.

I don't feel good about it.

I think BQ is getting soft in his old age.

He tells me the other day that he's like, I can't watch forensic files anymore.

Now he doesn't want to look at decapitated children.

Was there a time in your life when you did?

Were you ever hardcore?

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

What I said was

there's definitely a time where this shit wouldn't have bothered me, that's for sure.

But I didn't say I can't watch forensics files.

I said I can't watch hour six of forensic files.

There's a difference.

Yeah.

There's a difference between I can't watch it and I can't watch fucking like

the marathons of it.

I'm like, because I was like, it's not even the murders that depress me.

It's like the life of the people that are like living around it.

It's, it's some girls got shot in the head, but her boyfriend was pimping her out so they can make rent money.

And I'm like, I can't do it anymore, man.

I can't do it.

But it wasn't, I can't watch it at all.

Yeah.

But yeah, I'm definitely getting softer as I get there again.

I like soft, fluffy Q.

Yeah.

You know, like fluff.

He's not into the heavy, like, you know, murder and decapitation.

I like he's into dog videos.

Puppies chase people around.

That's adorable.

Yeah.

You thought it's just for his image?

Oh, I really hope this isn't somewhat how he's working on his image.

Like, there's something coming out.

He's trying to get ahead of it now.

They're going to find the heads.

I know what what I'll do.

I'll say I don't like heads.

I hope

it's a natural progression.

What is

seriously, like, take a second to consider it.

Like, what happens to Tell him Steve Dave?

I'm assuming Jokers is canceled, but Telem Steve Dave, if it's out that

I've killed 43 people and I have their heads,

like I'm

one of the crazy series.

Did you say you assume my J gets canceled?

Yeah.

What part of that

fevered brain do you think that there's

some way that they can negotiate that they can still remain on the air after that news breaks?

They still air the Dukes of Hazard in places, don't they?

Well,

they agreed

to keep running the reruns, but there's no new episodes.

There's no new episodes.

Okay.

Do you think people could still watch the reruns knowing that I had a kill chamber in my house?

I think there's some that can, can just look past it and just enjoy it for what it is.

It's a good show.

He didn't kill me.

He'll kill anybody I know.

But what happened?

So you're fucking John Wayne Gacy, then you're saying.

I am, yeah.

I turn up.

Brian Quinn turns out to be a John Wayne Gacy type.

Everything.

You did everything.

Oh, it's there's no talking around it.

Like, yeah, everything.

Even like slept with your victims.

Oh, yeah.

Many days after they died.

Say, minutes after they died.

No, many days after they died.

Yeah, like what happens to Telency, though?

What do you got?

What's spinning control?

Yeah.

I know Brian's coming to visit me in prison.

That's what's happening.

Oh, well, it depends where the prison is.

Is it upstate New York?

It's my Frank Five's house.

Maybe once a year.

Yeah.

Oh, really?

Maybe once a year I'll make that trek.

You know, give you something to look forward to.

Now, is it better for you guys if I am just like me as I am and I'm just like, I'm sorry, guys, I have a problem?

Or

is it better if I turn like basically into like

the Joker or Hannah?

Like, like I just, like, the veneer comes off, and I'm an evil.

Like, I'm like, well, hello, Walter.

Like, you're all evil.

Yeah.

No,

that would be too disturbing.

I mean, it's pretty disturbing enough with the bodies and everything.

But yeah, then you're like putting on a new persona and a new personality.

I'm like, you're meeting the real me for the first time.

Again, I know Brian's still coming to visit me.

That guy's ride or die, man.

I fucking know that.

I think we're going to get numbers that you won't believe on the episode that follows

the breaking news about this.

Yeah.

But I'm not sure, like, you know, five episodes after the news breaks that people are sticking around they want the reaction

yeah i think their reaction yeah i just think that leaves a bad taste in everybody's mouth is we try to make fucking jokes like we in the past

yeah

try to make

but you guys retire or you just like rebrand i think yeah i think it's that's this i mean we're at an age where so we're so close to retirement anyway if that's not a good enough reason to fucking hang up turn off the mics for good retirement age is 65.

You guys aren't close to that.

Close enough, though.

It's hard to

recover the audience after such news breaks.

Or you just do a total shift into true crime type stuff.

It's like, we know what we're talking about because we podcasted with a serial killer for 11 years.

Yeah, but you guys didn't know he was a fucking serial killer the whole time.

Okay, okay, but we know now, all right.

We're not that savvy.

But I could come up, I could do interviews with you.

I mean, people, there would be a certain amount of people.

Yes, you could milk, you can milk the interviews over, like, over the course of years, every time you go up to the penitentiary,

you know, getting talking to him about, like, tell us, you know, how your first victim and what was going through your head.

And, you know, you get into the in-depth.

But again, you're, you're cultivating an entirely new audience.

It's not the feel-good ants anymore.

It's like the fucking

weirdo said.

It's not the ant hill.

It's the fucking basement.

It's a much more darker crowd.

So you think me still calling in once a year to the Christmas episode wouldn't be able to.

That'd be out.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh.

See, this is where my head goes when I see severed heads first thing in the morning, man.

How the fuck are they even allowing that on Reddit, by the way?

I didn't realize that's what Reddit was.

Yeah, I think Reddit.

Well, I mean, there's the main Reddit page, which has

all the categories, I guess.

Yeah, that's what it is.

It's just like a

front page.

You got to find your subcategories, right?

Like your advice.

No, that was

on the front page.

Oh, I see.

I see.

Like, I go directly to subcategories.

I don't really go to the front page because there's too much of a mishmash.

I don't care.

Oh, okay.

All right.

I got to learn.

I don't really go on that much.

You know, the only reason I even have the app is because of this to get kicked around on this show

every few months when I decide to go to the Reddit board and see how we're doing.

I might as well be a song.

I'm like, oh,

I guess I'll check back in six months.

But

yeah, yeah, it was a rough way to start the day, man.

But wow, the show ends, and you guys don't do anything.

That's crazy.

Yeah, I don't think I do anything.

Like, I think I try to live out the rest of my days doing nothing.

See if I can make that, see if I could swing that.

Wow.

Yeah.

It could be 30 years of nothing.

I would hope so.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

That would be, I'd sign up for that.

30 years of nothing.

You know,

I think I could do it once I get into the groove.

You know, once I find my shows,

find your programs.

Yeah.

I was looking at

the news.

And I'm wondering, like, is this a new,

a new,

is this the new world where you kids go to see Santa Claus now?

Can't sit on his lap anymore.

Oh, really?

That's, that's a thing?

Can't sit on his lap.

Because of COVID or because of perverts?

Because of COVID.

Oh, okay.

So it'll go back one day.

I thought, you know what?

In my head, I went to a much more darker area than COVID.

I thought maybe that it was like, you know what?

No more kids on Santa Claus's lap because that's kind of pervy.

I don't think so.

Yeah, that's where my head went.

I know that I'm wrong, and that's not the case.

That's not why then you can't sit on Santa Claus's lap.

I don't know why immediately I

leapt to that sinister conclusion.

Because it's a dark world, man.

It's shocking if you're like, there's a group of Santa's, like a whole underground group of Santa's who like keep in contact.

They fucking post pictures on Reddit, like whatever it is they're doing.

You know what?

I mean, we've seen countless tales of like Catholic priests doing shit like that.

I can't recall one Santa, like one news story where a Santa acted like inappropriately with a kid on his laptop.

That's true.

You know, I don't recall any, you know, in the last 30 years.

So, like, why would I leap to that dark, dark?

I think it's cube

getting us off on the wrong side.

I'm telling you, man.

Want to see what other death and mayhem I saw?

But yeah, so Santa's sitting at a desk.

He looks like a CEO at some like Fortune 500 company, and there's a kid kid standing

a pretty good distance away from him.

I would say at least eight feet.

They say that the line through Santa Land is filled with hand sanitizing stations, social distance warnings, and masked up reindeer.

Well, if you get the kids early, like if that's the norm, then I don't think it's really a big deal.

If they grow, like if they're at a gate, like that's their experience with Santa at the mall, I don't think it's that a big a deal.

But if you're like

you know what though, but if you're like 12, you really shouldn't be sitting on streets.

No, it's too old.

It's too

old.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I was in, I was in Manhattan yesterday, and

wow, they have testing sites, not on every street corner, but on enough that you're like, it might be every other.

street corner.

They have these little tent sets up, and there were lines of, like, every line had no less than 20 people.

Some had 50.

I heard on the news, it was up to three hours long.

I could not believe what I was seeing.

I was like, holy shit, this looks like I was definitely seeing something that's like going to be in the history books one day.

It was just lines of people standing, getting tested in these tents.

And I was like, oh, I'm, it was one of those rare moments where I was like, I'm looking at a notable piece of history right now.

It was pretty crazy, man.

It's nuts.

It's nuts in the city.

And

no, no, no, I was going to say, and something I noticed about New Yorkers is like, those motherfuckers, like, and I count, and I count myself amongst them because I was doing it too, but like, everybody was wearing their masks just walking down the sidewalk.

And like, I would say the vast majority of people were masked up just walking down the street and stuff like that.

It was pretty, it was like something, man.

Well, they're, you know, from the news reports, it's

Omnicron.

Is that how you pronounce it?

Yeah, I think so.

Omicron.

It's exploding.

It makes me wonder if I had the version of Omnicrom.

Well, there's no way they can tell, huh?

Well, they don't test everybody who gets a test.

They only test a certain amount of swabs for Omnicrom.

Like, they're not testing everybody who gets swabbed in the country for the Omnicrom.

I'm not sure why.

Like, I would think that would be something they'd want to know.

And so then they kind of build the statistics around only doing a certain amount of testing for Omnicrom.

But Gidham sent me a text going, like, I think we had the Omnicrom version.

Why?

Yeah, nothing about it.

Yeah, nothing about it.

Well, I get because it's exploding right now.

It seems like since me and Gidham had it, it seems like

the numbers have skyrocketed for Omnicrom.

So, of course.

You know, if you're going to have to get it, I would want to be like, hey, man, I had the Omnicrom version rather than the standard version.

It's like getting the deluxe version of something.

It's like a foil-wrapped cover complex.

Yeah, exactly.

You don't want the standard.

You want to be able to be like, yeah, I beat Omnicrum.

Well,

we could roll with that.

Do you feel impervious now that you've had it?

Like, do you go out with no mask?

You're like, hi, guys.

No, no, no.

I don't feel impervious.

That tends to make you not feel as bulletproof as you once were.

Two weeks of living hell.

Yeah.

No, you know, and I don't want to paint a picture.

It was living hell.

It was very uncomfortable.

But yeah,

only at one point in that whole two-week, um,

experience did I ever like start to get a little teeny worried is when I had a super high fever in the middle of the night, and I was like, this ain't normal.

This is not normal, but I never once where I was like, I don't know if I'm not going to make this.

I always was like,

you know,

I would never, I like, never think that I was like not going to pull through it.

I'm not going to be one of these people that I can't.

No way.

It's fucked up.

My will is too fucking strong if I have a little fucking teeny germ beat me.

It's a weak constitution, is what you're saying, is getting the other people.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, not at all.

No.

But that's just my mindset.

It's absolutely ridiculous.

Of course, a fucking tiny germ can.

But like, you know,

I think you have to have that mindset.

You got to think that way.

Yeah, you can't be like, I'm going to die.

It's over for me.

You got to think you're going to pull through.

Yeah, there's no way.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's all people are talking about now with the

Christmas Queen.

Bad Bad news.

Are you going to do anything different because of Omnicrom for Christmas Q?

No, not really.

I mean, I don't really do anything anyway.

I go to my parents' for dinner for Christmas Eve, and then

as I've reported on this podcast for 10 years now, I spend Christmas alone every year.

Do you still reach for the Japel as quickly as you used to?

Well, that's Thanksgiving, but yeah, yeah, I do.

I do still.

Yeah, you still

like you're not

worried about like, well, is there any omnicrom in that chapel?

You know, it's my family.

Everybody's been touching it, you know.

Well, not really.

Oh, no.

Yeah, it's in a turkey, and then I take it out of the turkey.

So,

yeah, I don't, I don't, you know, what am I going to do?

It's, it's, it's my family.

You know, we're, we're, we're careful.

You know, my parents, my dad's in his mid-70s.

None of us wants to get him sick.

Oh, yeah.

That's the thing, right?

Isn't that the

lingering worst part of living

in the middle of a pandemic is you don't want to be the person that has that kind of fucking guilt trip is if you get a loved one sick and they don't make it speak for yourself

i mean i every single person can that's listening right now has had that thought in their head like that fear that anxiety and

that's terrible you know especially with the holidays it's almost like it's not worth getting together at times, you know, because it's like it's a possibility.

It always is.

So today,

today is Edgar's 75th birthday.

I'm supposed to go over and see him.

Yes.

Is that a good enough reason to be like,

I don't want to get you sick, Daddy?

Well, if you say, like, if you have to come up a little bit more, like, hey, I came into contact with somebody who had COVID, if you're going to like,

you got to

spice it up a little bit.

You just can't be like.

COVID's out there, sorry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You got to have a little more heart.

You know, helping you on your side is, you know, Edgar probably doesn't care.

Oh, he probably doesn't.

He's definitely the kind of guy who's like, I'm not wearing a mask.

Oh, really?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, I meant he probably he probably doesn't care if you come see him.

Oh, that's true.

That's true, too.

Mask or not, I don't give a fuck if he comes.

I don't think my dad would care if I skipped his birthday at all.

Yeah.

So

I think this is going to be even a weirder Christmas than last year because it's

like the like every the numbers are climbing so high now so close to Christmas it's definitely in the back of everybody's head I don't think it was in the back of everybody's head as much as this year like last year

I don't remember last year how everybody I don't know I mean it just seems like everybody's just

Is it ever going to fucking end?

I mean, do you think that like every, I don't know.

I don't think so.

No, I don't think so either.

I think it's going to be like the flu from now on.

And we'll see weaker and weaker strains, but it'll always be there, right?

Yeah, I think that I mean, I'm the f who am I?

I'm an unemployed fucking former comic book store employee

amateur virologist.

But if I had to like gun to my head and somebody's like, you gotta, you gotta go all in on whether, you know, we eradicate COVID or it's something that, you know, is going to be here forever.

The signs really say that it's, you know, kind of points to it.

Yeah.

But I'm just a fuck, like I said,

a former comic book store employee.

But what the fuck?

What does anybody else know?

Because every time they tell you something, they're fucking wrong.

Or they overstate it or they understate it.

So it's like, I don't know.

I'd listen to your opinion just as much as anybody else.

You shouldn't.

You had it, man.

You were on the front lines.

You should know.

I feel like I've yet to get it, man.

Well, you're lucky then.

Nobody wants it.

But a lot of people get it, though, and they don't even know they had it, which is the best way to fucking experience it.

I have to think.

Yeah.

If you're going to have it and they only have and not even realize you have it, shit, man.

That's the way to get a disease.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Not stopping Ming Chen from anything.

Have you noticed?

Oh my god.

My boy's out there.

I can't even keep up with his Instagram because like I saw him like whatever day we recorded the thing and then

he was like down south and then he was in the Midwest and then he was in California and I'm like, how the fuck is he, how has he pulled this off he's incredible I don't know he's I mean the amount of miles he must have

yeah his uh

his credit cards and shit saw him recently he was on the uh the tell him steve dave 2021 overkill christmas special uh

one of the all-time great great traditions in podcasting history and

ming chen keeping the streak alive he hasn't missed one and he was able to find time in that busy schedule to uh pop pop his head in.

It was good to see Ming, man.

I miss him.

I don't realize how much I miss him until I've met him for like a long time.

Yeah, it was, you know, a lot of, you know, and everybody who, like, you know, he was one of those guys that was sending me daily like text, like keeping up on how I was doing.

You know, and he's a good dude.

You know, sometimes I'm hard on him as being robotic, but

well, I don't know if you're being hard on him, you're just observing.

Yeah, speaking of hard-ons.

Well, hold on.

I want to go back to that for one second because my thought while you were sick was like, don't bother Walt every day.

Because I remember when I was sick and I would get daily texts, I'd be like, I don't want to answer these.

Oh, okay.

So now I know, though.

Okay.

Because, yeah,

I enjoyed, yeah, I enjoyed hearing from you and Brian.

You know, that, you know, it was, it may, it does, for me personally,

you know,

I'm sure it does nothing for my, for,

you know, for, for my state of mind, for my state of mind, definitely.

But for like, you know, like people will say, like, you know, the

well-wishes, you know, it definitely, like, you got to have, you know, be in a good frame of mind for everything.

And, and I like the well-wishes every day.

I mean, I don't have to answer them, you know, immediately.

I don't feel, I don't feel obligated to be like, you know, but by door in the end of the day, though, you know, I'll hit everybody up who sent me something.

Well, yeah, that's an advent text you every day, too, because I'm like, this guy is really sick.

And like, I know if I was that sick, it would be

like you're right.

Like, maybe nice to see, but it's just like, I don't want to answer all these different texts.

texts definitely i can see that p of

well and then i mean i i i was like i you know i think it was like every every other day every three yeah you did you guys did a lot yeah yeah but

but but it's but i actively did that because i was like this motherfucker does not want to be hearing from us

yeah no i i tell you yeah let me tell you let me just what's it called what's a word that let me disparage you disparage disparage you from that thought yeah um i i would welcome hearing from every you guys every day no matter oh i don't have to be sick.

Just check in and be like, you know,

hope you had a good day.

Yeah.

Okay.

Do you mind if I have Helen text you and check in?

And she can relate back to me how you're feeling?

Is that okay?

And could I try to figure out if it's if it's her or you?

I think that'll be an interesting little game.

That little cut from her phone.

Oh, okay.

I thought you just, I thought she had that one of those apps that can make it feel, like it look like

it's actually you sending the text.

I thought you had that technology at campus.

Thank you.

No, but I'll just put it on her list of things to do every day.

I'll just be like, you have to text Walt every night and just be like, hey, bud, how was your day?

I'll relate to Brian when I get your answer.

And then she texts me your answer.

I got to be honest, it won't be as meaningful.

I'm your assistant.

I mean, I'm kidding.

But you know what?

But on the flip side, it's like, wow, he's actually paying her to do this.

He's out of pocket on this text.

And then maybe I'll have Gil text you back for me.

Text Alan back, not you.

Yeah, it's so funny.

What about hard-ons, man?

Oh, you want to hear about hard-ons?

Oh, please, please.

Dude, I tell you what was working while I had COVID.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I would wake up with some

more warning wood when I had COVID than when I didn't have COVID.

I wonder why.

Fever dreams.

Oh, is that it?

Yeah.

Sexy fever dreams.

Fucking trees and inanimate objects, and my fever dreams woke me up with

wow.

Yeah, with that's a sexed up guy.

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I had no idea that.

There's multiple forms of it.

I guess so.

Yeah, they don't really go into it, but I guess.

Wow, that's interesting.

There's one where I'm sure it's just a mental block, and then there's one where I'm sure it's just like it's physically, you're just not capable of gold.

And then there's one where, you know,

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Real quick, can I ask Q, going back to text?

Yeah.

When you

were in that phase where

you became friends with E.K.

Morris.

Yeah.

When you first got his phone number,

did you overly text him?

No.

Because you were such a fan of his work and everything.

No, not really.

Really,

where my fannish friendship came in was like

when we were in London,

I really moved schedule around to meet him and see him.

You know what I mean?

Whereas some people, I'm just like, ah, I'm only in town.

I'm in town for three days.

I don't really have any time.

Where's Witty?

And I'm like, all right, if I cancel this or move this, I can hang out with him.

And that's how it goes.

But I'm not, I'm not, texting is not really.

Okay, what about you, Brian?

When you got like,

who's that, who's that guitarist that you hang out from Rom Zombie?

Five.

Oh, Piggy D.

Oh, Piggy D.

Why did I think it was five?

Because John Five is a guitarist.

Piggy D's a bassist.

Are you friends with John Five?

No, I'm not friends with John Five.

I wish I was.

Oh, I'm sure.

I'm sure Piggy D likes to hear that.

Somewhere Piggy D's just like, cool, we can all be friends.

But Piggy D, though, did you, you got, I'm sure you have his text, right?

Yeah.

You could text him.

Did you overly text him?

No, I don't think so.

I don't do stuff like that because I'm more like, I don't know if this guy wants to hear from me this frequently.

Why did you get somebody's number?

I got somebody's number, and

I fell in.

I thought I would be like you, play cool, like you, but I fucking immediately went.

I blocked it.

Immediately, I knew I sent too many texts.

Oh, really?

Coming off episode 500, first time ever, I got Dave Windorf's phone number.

And it's not a landline.

And so I had it to coordinate for him to come for episode 500.

And so then the realization, I still got his number.

So I started texting him

and talking to him about, hey, do you ever see this fucking video from this obscure van from the 70s?

But he's the guy to ask that.

Yeah, but like my wife told me, she's like, she's like, stop texting him.

You're acting.

It's really weird.

It's getting so strange.

She's going now.

I just was like, yeah,

I was smitten.

And I found myself acting as I never have before.

And he would be kind enough to answer me, but with like, yeah, I heard of them, but that's it.

Oh, really?

He wasn't really

engaging me on the level where I was like, you know, like, he's going to love this.

So he blew him up.

We're going to become best friends.

He blew him up.

Yeah, I blew him up, man.

I don't know if that's just his personality or he was just like, I got to get a new phone now.

It seems to me, I mean, look, I don't know the guy from Adam, but the interactions I've had with him, I would say more that, like, he's not an electronic type guy.

Like, I would not be surprised if, like, did he answer you right away?

No, no.

It did, you know.

And then when I got, you know, and then that, like, did you get that rush of like

when you got that very first answer from EK?

It's almost like a little like

a dopamine.

Yeah, like, I can't believe this is happening.

Oh, you guys didn't get that?

Okay.

Me neither.

I will say, though, there are like, regardless if it's Dave or, you know, Piggy or any number of people,

it's like if you admire somebody and you and you get their phone number and you're like, oh, wow, like, I'm kind of buddies with this person now.

I think when you get that text, it is kind of cool.

Yeah.

You know, it is like, wow, like, no, like, I never thought I'd be be talking to this person well he's a guy yeah that i like i i do um respect his his uh music and everything i love his music so it it always did say like man it'd be awesome to be fucking hang with dave

yeah do you think that's true

no just ease off a bit that's all huh just ease off a bit yeah yeah okay yeah i gotta find that perfect

Like, because if I don't send a text, I don't think he's ever going to send another text to me.

So what's the perfect,

Well, how long do I wait before I send the next one after sending like 30 in a day?

Like, when's the next one?

You didn't say, how many did you send, really?

I don't know.

I bet in the 20s.

That can't be.

No, no, one day.

In one day?

No, no, no, no.

Okay.

I was about to be like, that cannot.

You did not send 20 texts in one day.

I was like, he'll never come on the podcast again, let alone Auntie.

Yeah, I would have had a police show up at my house.

You know, like,

we've got a report that you're stalking.

Yeah, Mr.

Windorff,

a rock star in Red Bank.

That's funny, man.

Poor guy.

Is that guy's real?

I'm going to take it that guy's real name isn't Piggy.

No.

Matt.

Okay.

Do you call him Piggy or do you call him Matt?

No, I call him Matt.

Okay, all right.

Okay.

do you ever get i mean i know you can't talk about it but do you ever get like

insight to like the what it's like to tour with like a zombie or like we get like

like something that maybe

he wouldn't say on an interview or like inside info that kind of inside info that makes you go like again the dopamine starts to fucking flow yeah um we traded some inside stories you have inside stories about what you risk you inside stories oh i know you guys Whoa.

Whoa.

You're letting companies see you.

So you have to trade, though, if you feel like you have to come with something.

You just can't take his.

You got to come armed with something juicy.

His dirt.

Yeah.

You got to throw some dirt back, huh?

You have to earn the respect of a man named Piggy.

And I haven't spoken to him in some time.

He had a kid not too long ago.

Yeah, like I didn't even know.

And then I saw on Instagram.

I was like, holy shit.

Have you fallen into that trap, Q, where when you when you've got your celebrity, your new friend, your new celebrity friend, do you feel like you got to dish some dirt on

the inside workings of IJ or anything?

No,

what I do is

just make something up.

No, I try and keep everything.

I think it's best because ultimately if somebody's communicating with you, like, they're fans of IJ or else why the fuck would they you know what I mean?

Like, why would they talk to me if but a celebrity, though, knows that it can't all be sunshine and lollipops and no i know but but i try and save that sort of stuff for like maybe tough dealings with the networks we've had in the past but overall i i find like i don't want to i just want to keep it positive but didn't you tell me though that you got paul mccartney's number and he texted you that he liked ij

we no no we were his bodyguard on his tour was worked on uh i j when we shot an episode in california and he texted him while we were in the car

okay so let's say i don't have paul mccartney's number let's say for some reason, the bodyguard gave you gave the bodyguard his number, and Paul sent you a text saying, like, he, he loved the show, yada, yada, yada.

And then you said something, and then he goes, Yeah, it reminded me of that time with the Beatles, with John and Ringo.

And he gives you some dirt that nobody has ever heard before.

And about, it's kind of disparaging to some of the other Beatles.

You don't feel like you got to like, yeah, I have an instance like that too, Paul.

I mean, if Paul McCartney, like, who's the yoko of impractical jokers that you can throw under the

is opening up about like problems within a foresome, like the Beatles, I might be like,

wow, Paul.

I might try to be like, how can I apply that lesson to what I'm going through?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I will say this: like, we've outlasted the Beatles were only seven years.

We've outlasted the Beatles.

So maybe I should be giving fucking Paul some advice.

Now, you guys are a fucking cyclone.

I don't think that he would be like, I don't think that I would be like, well, you've got to hear about this fucking girl

who somebody brought backstage.

I just don't think

I would, I would feel I had to, right?

Oh, yeah, definitely.

You got to come with something.

He's fucking like opening up some, opening up to you, man.

That's how you connect with some people, though.

You know, by bitching.

That's how 99% of the world communicates.

Like, I go into the post office.

I know when I've connected with the guy behind the counter, because I've tried so hard, when he starts bitching about the other people at the postal installation that we go to, like this one's as useless as tits on a cow he tells me i know that like he's like that's how he's like telling me like hey i kind of like you right that's good enough for you that's good enough for me yeah that's how i think that's how humankind we like to bitch and if a fucking you got a fucking guy of that status bitching to you about yeah other guys like yeah you got to come with something even if it's a fucking total snow job yeah but what if it starts going to like really weird weird places what if paul mccartney's like texting me some really distasteful shit about the beatles he sends you pictures of child soldiers

oh yeah like you count your blessings and you're like holy shit really yeah

every text is gold yeah man i don't know

if he just starts like talking about how like they used to bet on like child fights while they were on tour and stuff like that he's like yeah we used to get the roadies kids together and and and have them fight for for the Fedora.

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know that I would be able to come back at that with a programme.

No, you can't come back like that, but yeah, you count yourself like, man, probably only like

100 people on the planet know this and like 50 of them are dead.

Yeah, but according to modern society, don't I have an obligation to like to out him?

Yeah.

Isn't that what everybody's doing today?

Oh, you're going to shame him?

Just for some child fights?

I mean, that's not BQ.

No.

That is not BQ.

BQ keeps that that shit.

Yeah, I'm not doing that.

I don't care.

You're just like, Paul, let's go fucking.

I'll get some fucking kid fights together this weekend if you're in town.

When you went to the old school,

you would come to Staten Island, but

wouldn't it be weird if, like, say you did get his number and he's like, hey, let's have dinner.

Like, on one hand, it's like, wow, I'm having dinner with Paul McCartney.

On the other hand, it's like, what am I going to fucking talk about to this guy?

I think we talk about anything but the Beatles, right?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Yeah, do you know a lot about the Beatles?

Um, I probably know a little bit more than the average person because I might have read a book at one point, but not

much more, you know what I mean?

Like, maybe one's book's worth more than the average person.

I haven't watched that documentary on him yet, so probably not.

I don't know.

But I asked, I texted Dave about the documentary if he watched it, and he said he

was going to get to watch it, but he's he talks about because he was alive, like all three of us.

you know, our existence begins as they're over already.

You know, I'm three years old when they end, so I don't even have a, I don't have

any kind of memories of the Beatles other than like, as I get a little bit older and you hear about a band that doesn't exist anymore.

But he says, you know, since he was there, he saw it happening and everything, that

there'll be artists who came after them who sold more records, he said, but

there will never be another celebrity that has the cultural impact that they had.

It's not possible in the world we live in today where things happen and they're gone in an instant.

And

there's just

a world that existed back then doesn't exist now.

So there's just no way there can be another Beatles.

Yeah, like with the Beatles, it's like, that's what there was.

And then there was a bunch of smaller people that nobody really paid much attention to.

No, there'd be like, you know, like, there'd be a band like the the Bee Gees who would sell one album that sold more than a Beatles album ever did, but they did not have the same kind of cultural impact, though, just because they sold those notes.

Okay, I see what you're saying.

Like, he's saying that, yeah, there'll be bands and artists that may sell more units, but they won't have the

gravitas.

You know, it's just not possible.

It's like, you know, like when he said they're bigger than Jesus, and it angered everybody, it angered them because it was true.

Yeah, it was right.

Yeah.

And that's fucked up when you think about it.

You know, that you could say that and you're not really wrong.

That's what we're doing.

We got to grow this podcast.

I got a stat last month.

The listenership is up 11%.

We might be bigger than Jesus.

So we're getting there.

We're bigger than some of the disciples for sure.

11%.

How do we get it to 20%?

What are we going to do?

I've always pondered this question.

I just don't know how to grow that audience.

What do you do at this point, this many years?

Well, I think it comes down to like, we have to, I think if we got with the Times a little bit,

if you look at what I mean.

Well, I mean, I don't want to.

I dye my hair.

Look at his weight when you said that.

It's his fault.

I got that white-ass beard.

If you look at like what, even if you look at like what Sal's doing with his podcast, even if you look at what Chuck's doing with his podcast, which is with they put up these little clips, these little video clips on YouTube,

and people start going crazy watching that and they they send these clips all over the place and it helps build an audience i kind of always liked that we never really did that but if if it's a concern that you guys want to i i just i just wonder you know like

especially when we had when it was like three guys on tv one guy one guy super huge two guys on a cult tv show that nobody you know who was it who wasn't up after 1 a.m saw like why it wasn't like the the numbers didn't grow like spike dramatically.

But I don't know, man.

I think you're discounting how successful and popular of a podcast we are.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

I know.

I don't want to do that because like, you know what?

If we just kept the same number, I would be totally happy with that.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

I would, I would be, yeah, but I wonder why,

especially when like we were all on TV, why it didn't get a little bit more buzz.

I wasn't upset by it.

Yeah.

Well, I think, like you say, it's like even though we would talk about Tell him Steve Dave and I'd wear the shirts and stuff, it takes a certain type of person to be like, hey, I wonder what that is, and then look it up and then do the legwork to.

It takes a lot of legwork, too, to like to catch up.

Oh, yeah.

500 episodes.

That, I think, is a barrier.

It's daunting.

Yeah, I think it's daunting.

But I think if we hired like a hip young social media fucking expert who went in there and worked the game for us and opened the YouTube channel and put on weekly clips and we I think that you would see a spike in that audience.

That's what I hear at home.

You guys should do video.

You guys should do this.

All this stuff.

But the video is so hard, though, because it

takes time to edit it.

And like we're recording this and what is it basically fucking going up two seconds later?

Yeah, it's going to go up moments later.

Yeah.

Should we look into a booking agent?

But to book who?

To book names for once in a while to come in or zoom in and be able to be like, hey, we've got such and such on the podcast this week.

I question if that wouldn't be a good investment, though, from time to time.

Not every week, but maybe once a month we get somebody of stature.

Because they could zoom in.

Nobody has to be around you anymore.

I guess, but who do you guys want to?

I mean, is that what you want this show to turn into?

Like, just we're talking to guests once a month?

You don't like it.

I could tell.

I don't love it because I like what Tell him Steve Dave is, but

it would be a philosophy change

for us to be like, I think we got to grow this as big as we can.

And I don't think it's as easy as just getting a guest on once a month.

I think you do have to get the social media person to make the clips.

I think we do have to pay attention to YouTube.

I think we do have to

do a lot more outreach if we're going to do it.

It's just not celebrities aren't the key to

I mean, there's celebrities on podcasts everywhere, man.

I think they're everywhere.

I don't know how

you know what that

also makes me feel good that you're just like, let's keep it as is.

You know, because that's, you know, that's that's a lot less work.

That's absolutely no work.

We went up 11% keeping it as is.

Right.

You're right.

It's like, what's going on, man?

Yeah,

yeah.

Do you guys want this to turn into a fucking, like, a burden, a stone around our neck, where we're like, oh, we got to fucking make sure we show up on time for the fucking

Elon Musk interview?

Whoa.

That would be good.

That would be amazing.

No.

I don't know.

Do you want to want to talk about it?

Do you want to talk to Musk?

I don't don't have anything against the guy.

I'm not one of these people that's like, fuck, fuck Elon Musk.

But I just wonder what we would talk about.

Like,

what would any of us have to say to Musk?

I think that we would bring absolutely some

not

common questions that he gets.

Yeah, it doesn't have to be about space and shit.

Yeah.

You know, we could talk about his childhood.

Sure.

Kind of humanizing.

His favorite serial killer is.

But I guess, do you guys want to talk about Elon Musk's Musk's childhood?

I guess is the question.

No, not really.

I still would love to get Scott Gomez, though.

I don't know if you still talk to him.

Yeah,

I can get him.

I would love to get Scott Gomez on the podcast.

After the fucking.

You spent so much time talking down the devils two weeks ago.

Not that era of the devils.

Oh, that is true.

That is true.

Not that era of devils.

You're absolutely right.

You're absolutely right.

I could slobber.

Uh-oh.

And you remember I said I don't like to swallow.

Well, if Scott Gomez is here, I do.

I'd be happy to have him on.

You can hook that up.

Yeah, that'd be good.

I would be so fucking jacked.

Yeah.

I would machine gun that motherfucker with questions.

Yeah.

Wow.

All right.

All right.

So that's the first guest we're going after.

Scott Gomez.

All right.

Yeah, I mean,

All right, no, cool, cool.

I'll talk to him.

You still talk to him?

When was the last time you reached out to him?

Really?

Probably a couple of months.

Probably a couple of months ago.

Will you hit him up for the holidays?

I

maybe wouldn't have before this conversation because I always assume who the fuck cares, but I will hit him up for this.

I'll start buttering up Scotty Gomez.

You got to start soft-soaping him now.

Hit him in 2020, coming in 2022.

Scott Gomez.

But that's the other thing, too.

It's like, do we really, not that Scott, by the way, I think Scott would fit in perfectly with this crew, but like

another person that he's actually perfect for the show, but somebody else, it's like, do we want to do the fucking.

Because anytime, like, we, you know, we had guests

on Practical Jokers or anything, it's like, you have to slip into this mode of like,

you know,

being okay.

Yeah, like, like, how can we make this easy as possible?

And, and, and, and who, and it falls on us.

We don't have a staff, you know what I mean?

And we're not going to put fucking

we're not going to put Giddam on the phone with

Elon Musk to set up something.

So, it falls on us.

So, it's like, I don't know.

Do you know how many fucking fun things we could do with Elon Musk?

We'll put him up against Giddam in terms of like, you know, who's smarter?

Yeah.

Get him creation.

You know, Giddam thinks he's just on, he's a, he doesn't think he's he's smarter, but you know, he thinks he's on an even keel with Elon Musk.

Yeah.

You know, it's just, it's just a matter of like, you know, breaks that Elon got that, you know, that Kiddum is not Elon Musk, you know?

I would love to see that back and forth.

Yeah.

You want to talk about balls, Q?

Oh, what am I not talking about?

Christmas balls?

Christmas balls.

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You see Spider-Man yet, Walt?

I am going this afternoon.

You're going this afternoon, yes.

You You got to text me a review.

No, I'm going tomorrow.

Okay.

Yeah, I don't want to.

You are raving.

Oh, I have heard all about it.

I know everything that happens in the movie.

I got it spoiled for me.

Oh, I don't know anything.

I'm very excited.

Oh, I know everything.

Oh, okay.

Wow.

Is that

a bad thing or a good thing?

For you?

I think it's...

I never mind.

Like, the only time I don't like spoilers on television shows.

If that makes a weird thing, like, because you're spending so much time and something is episodes away.

And I don't know, there's something about that journey I like to do.

But a movie, I'm just like, fucking spoil it for me, because then I get it twice.

I get the spoils, which I love, and then

I create it in my head, and then I get to see what the movie did different, which I kind of like.

Yeah, but

everything I've heard about the movie sounds like shit I want to be watching.

I told Walt to cleaned up, man.

It's estimated to make 220 million.

Holy

shit, in one weekend?

Yeah, in one weekend.

Domestically.

I mean, the last two Marvel movies have fucking wheezed over 100 million, and this is making it in the first weekend.

Yeah.

Wow.

Goes to show you, though, about the

recognizable characters, maybe.

Oh, you don't think Shang-Chi was going to do what fucking Spider-Man does?

Just throwing it out there, Q, it's possible that it could be due to recognition factor and having fucking doctors, having them like

A-listers.

Yeah.

You know, and having Doctor Strange be a big part of the movie.

Yeah.

And having multiple Spider-Man.

It's just like

maybe that's a better formula than having a, you know, having Eternals and not having anybody know who the fuck they are or caring at the end of the movie.

I don't know.

I guess.

I mean, the thing that I did like about Eternals was that it felt comic booky at times

in a way.

And this Spider-Man movie looks fucking comic booky as fuck, which I love.

You know what I mean?

So I think the more you lean into that sort of thing, I don't know, but we did like Eternals more than we thought.

I did.

Yeah, I liked it more than I thought I would, especially considering coming off some of the reviews I saw were

brutal.

Shang-Chi.

I finally watched it.

Oh, yeah.

What'd you think?

Well, look, the dragon at the end I fucking loved.

I don't know why, but something about that dragon I loved flying around.

But not, but but not related to the movie, if that makes sense.

It's like, I just thought the dragon looked cool, and I liked seeing it fly around.

So I could have just watched footage of a dragon flying around, and it would have been fine.

But yeah, it wasn't really, like,

there were points where I was like, is Shang-Chi in this movie?

Oh, yes.

Did you bring that up?

Or did I come to that conclusion on myself?

Because I was like, that motherfucker, they disappear.

Like, at one point, I'm just like, I don't know whose movie this is because Shang-Chi is barely in this movie at points.

Yeah.

I think it's weird, too, that Disney has a habit of,

and I don't think it's going to happen in Spider-Man, but of their villains

walking that line of like, well, I don't know if I really, if they're not really all bad, and you want to have sympathy for them.

Oh, oh, oh, buckle up for that in Spider-Man.

Don't think that that's not coming yet.

Oh, really?

It's still coming in there, too?

Yeah, I'm not sure why Disney has gone that route where they're like, they don't want a true

like a Thanos, I guess, would be, but they don't, they want a nuanced villain where like they have

where you can kind of feel for them too, which is a strange

like,

you know, direction that they've gone in, I think.

Because I always thought like a great villain is like you want to hate the villain.

You want to hit.

Darth Vader was tragic.

But not at first.

Those first three movies, at the end, yeah.

But those first two movies, no, I'm not feeling any sympathy for Darth Vader.

He's the ultimate fucking sinister, evil villain.

I think Joker, I've never felt any sympathy for the Joker.

No, you don't feel a lot of sympathy for the Joker.

As you should, you should not.

Even in that movie that the people loved, that uh, that movie where no Batman was in it, but it was just called The Joker.

Joker, right, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I guess they tried to paint him as like, you know, you should feel sorry for him because he had a real tough life.

He's mentally ill, too.

Looks like, yeah.

There's just a move towards that, though, where you want to paint the bad guys in a sympathetic light for some reason.

Oh, that sounds like a comment on society today, my friend.

At least a comment on Disney, you know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But

yeah.

I am looking forward to Spider-Man.

Oh, yeah.

Like, I'm gaga for Spider-Man.

Even Rocky went back.

and made Drago a good guy many years later.

And Creed 2 is like Drago's fucking kind of redemption a little bit.

Oh, I didn't know that.

So Dolph Longren was in it?

Oh, he was in it as Drago, yeah.

And it's, and you find out what happened to him after he lost that match to Rocky.

And it is.

Like, think about an entire country turning their back on you.

And then imagine that country is Russia.

And think about how you're going to get treated.

Yeah.

Like, he really went through the fucking ringer, man.

And like, you felt.

But I, wow, that's interesting.

Cause like I would think that that's an intro maybe disney's not doing it well because i think it is more interesting when when the bad guy is kind of like a little bit like i don't know like i understand what he's saying a little bit but the shang chi bad guy like how many times did they do the the uh the kung fu fighting with with the the husband

Shang-Chi's father and his mother, like courting her.

He was courting her through fighting her, and then he would look at her like seductively

while performing kung fu on her.

It was just bizarre, it just did not did not connect with me.

And

Aquafina's character learning to shoot an arrow.

Like, can nobody just be a comedic fucking sidekick?

Does everybody need to be a fucking superhero in their own right?

I could not fucking believe how much time they spent on her shooting arrows.

Well, I was like, this is nuts.

I was like, this is crazy.

I would have had a different

way for her to save save the day.

If you're going to, okay, if you are so hell-bent on having the star of the movie sidekick save the day, and literally the most important shot in Marvel Cinematic Universe history is taken not by Hawkeye with a fucking bow and arrow,

that's fucked up.

If you're going to have the most important shot ever taken in Marvel Cinematic Universe history with a bow and arrow not taken by Hawkeye,

and who took it?

Yeah.

Shang-Chi's girlfriend.

Okay.

Yeah.

Oh, they're not girls.

Who learned how to shoot a bow and arrow two days prior?

I mean, two days is generous.

And she hits a moving creature like 500 feet in the sky a mile away with an arrow.

And this is not the He-Man or Woman Haters Club.

This is not that.

Sure, it is.

I haven't seen the movie and I'm in it.

Yeah, I am like, that is not coming from a place where, you know,

I just feel like if you've got the best, if you've got the greatest archer,

he should take that shot, you know, or give her just a make her throw an axe at it then or something.

I don't know, but don't make it bow and arrow.

Yeah.

Like, have you ever shot a compound bow?

I've shot a bow and arrow.

It's so fucking hard.

It's so difficult.

I forget hitting a moving target.

I couldn't even hit the regular target.

It goes.

But you weren't trained by

a group of hidden

warriors, though,

that are thousands of years old.

That's true.

You know, that makes a difference, I think.

For a day and a half with a lunch break.

Yeah.

She fucking nailed it.

Yeah.

It was, it was, I, I, you know.

Where do you predict Shang-Chi's placement going forward now?

Where does, where does, does he become a big player?

Is there a number two for him in terms of a second movie?

Look, man, I don't know.

Does he join the Avengers, the new Avengers?

I think he has to, right?

They can't,

they have a plan.

They can't pull him out.

Well, I guess he's got the rings now, right?

Spoiler.

He's got his father's rings.

Yeah, and

he's got his best friend.

So, you know.

Does she become a full-fledged Avenger?

I mean, at the end, it seemed like she got recruited, didn't it?

Sure did.

A parking attendant

is now an Avenger.

It's just phenomenal.

It's like, all right, okay, all right, here we go, Avengers.

What's your story?

Well, I'm a brilliant scientist, and I set off this gamma bomb that unleashed this creature in me, and it's uncontrollable, and I have a hard time.

And oh, okay, cool.

What's your, what's your, what's your thing?

Oh, I was given a super serum.

I was locked in the ice for 50 years.

All right, what's your thing?

I'm a gene.

I'm a billionaire genius.

I built this suit.

All right, cool.

What's your thing?

Well, I parked cars with Chang-Chi, and

I got like a fucking quick lesson on bow and arrow shooting.

So

it's a bit of a membership card.

It doesn't make sense.

You got to suspend belief a little bit more in that movie than in some of the other ones.

Yeah.

The other ones, they give you a bullshit reason.

At least give me a bullshit reason to

put it aside and forget about it.

You know what I mean?

Like the new Hawkeye on the series is like, she's a black belt.

She's, she's a fucking, she trained with bows and arrows her entire life.

You're like, well, that makes sense.

Like, that's all you got to give me.

That's all I need.

She was a little overwhelmed at first, you know, from what I've seen.

I haven't seen the whole series yet, but she's a little overwhelmed by the circumstances that she's coming into.

And that wasn't the case for the Parking Attendant.

She's just kind of like

rolling immediately with like hidden civilizations and shooting dragons that are flying at speeds that no, there's not a chance on the planet she should hit that shot.

No.

Also, the first time I lay eyes on a dragon, I don't know that I'm going to be like, so, I'm like, I'm going to kill that thing.

Like, I just wouldn't.

I don't know.

But whatever.

I mean, even, but my, like, even in the realm of silly comic book shit, it was just too much.

It was just too much.

I was like, this is too much.

And for all the talk, too, about like, we're not going to, it's not going to be the stereotypical Asian

character.

That fucking whole movie looked like you went to East Meets West and just like fucking bought it out and it fucking made that was the

backdressing to that movie, you know, dragons.

And it's just like, that was every stereotype.

I thought Asian stereotype, you know, I'd heard that too.

Like, there's a bunch of little Shang Chi's running around and shit.

Little Shang Chi's?

Yeah, like were there little Shang Chi's?

No.

Like a bunch of little Asian kids.

No.

No.

No.

I thought I'd read that somewhere.

No.

I mean, in the village, I guess, but I didn't even see any kids in the village, were there?

Yeah,

I don't remember any of them, but who knows?

I only watched it once, but

yeah,

I didn't hate it.

I wasn't sitting there like, this is unbearable to watch or anything like that.

But you know what disappointed me a bit?

I don't know.

I don't want to be negative about it.

But I'm just like, everybody told me

the fights were so good, but I didn't really see anything I haven't seen in a billion other movies.

Yeah, the choreography.

Well, on the bus, I thought the choreography was really great.

The bus fight.

Yeah, that was cool when he was going outside outside.

I mean, that's where you paid whoever choreographed that fight, you know, they earned their money on that scene.

After that, though, there was this scene on the scaffolding.

Decent.

It looked like a video game.

Yeah.

Yeah, I was just like, it's a video game.

But after that, then

there's no more scenes of like that wowed you in terms of like choreograph

kung fu.

Well, what are you going to do?

But it had that cute little thing with no head, you know, and the wings, so flying around.

So that's that's good.

You're into decapitated stuff recently, man.

Dude, I don't know, man.

This is a fucking, this is a rough morning.

I don't know, man.

I guess, but you know what?

The world works that way, doesn't it?

There's decapitated heads right now.

And only because I grew up in the United States, am I, do I think that that shit

is crazy?

Privileged.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

There's a little bit of the privilege coming out.

A little way white.

Privilege.

Well, I mean, everybody in the United States pretty much isn't.

I don't think I'm necessarily.

Oh, yeah.

I think everybody in the United States is like, you know, fucking not dealing with, although there are people that are dealing with decapitated heads, but Jesus Christ, man.

Like, I don't know.

It was just a shit.

It really threw my day off.

Like, you're pretty much done as a kid, right?

Like, if you're decapitating other kids, you're pretty much done.

As a person, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But here I am complaining about a fucking, I'm 40-something, and I'm complaining about comic book movies, and this poor kid's like lopping off another kid's head at one point.

That used to be my friend.

Oh, I mean, this is like, how could the world work this way?

How could it be this way?

And knowing that this shit's in the world, I mean, this is where I've been all morning.

Knowing this shit's in the world, like, how is there any hope for anything?

How do you think, you people, what do you guys think?

That the world's going to be okay one day?

It's never going to be okay.

It's always going to be this.

But you're so insulated, though.

Yeah, Richard.

Am I?

We all are.

Not just you.

But you scratch.

We're like two power outages away from fucking this shit happening.

Yeah.

I do.

I believe that.

That's why you got all those fucking generators.

I saw them.

You showed them to me.

Oh, I got generators up the fucking wazoo, but that only makes me a target.

That only makes me a target.

Now I got to get fucking guns to defend my generator.

That's true.

Like, you hear those generators going.

It's like, all right, he's got electricity, which means he has refrigeration, which means he has food.

Let's fucking get him.

Let's get him.

Yeah.

Let's get him and his.

But you got that moat?

Well, I don't have a moat.

It does have a recently paved driveway.

It's very nice.

I have a nice driveway and I have a fence, but it's like, it's a new, it's not like an old school wrought off.

How tall is that fence?

You can only legally go six feet, so around seven.

But it's like,

it's, you know, I just had to get it

as high as I could without bringing on the heat.

But it's aluminum.

It's an aluminum fence.

Like,

one of us could pull my fence now.

You know what I mean?

Like,

it's not like a real security barrier in any real sense.

It's not apocalypse proof.

No.

No.

Like, maybe zombies wouldn't think to pull it down, but if, like, we're in a human society got a muck, it's not stopping anybody.

Wow, this is a this is a bleak way to go because we're going to take a break before the for the holidays, right?

We're not going to come back to 2022.

2022 will be back.

Do you want to go out on a higher, more cheerful note?

I mean, Christmas is coming up in your

BQs.

No?

Where can I find the special?

Where are we going to find the special?

Oh, yeah, it's going to be the Tell MC Dave Christmas special.

It's going to be on Patreon, video and audio.

Beautiful.

$5 level.

It's also going to be just the audio on the band camp, and it's going to drop December 21st later in the evening.

Five bucks.

I know how long it is.

It's three hours.

Three hours of video for five bucks a month.

Three hours of

Christmas cheer.

Just know

BQ is like the exact 180-degree different than he is on this episode.

Cheer.

I was telling Chuck, I was like, I go, BQ is amazing in this episode.

I would have thought he was fucking like that.

He stopped off at fucking Linden or Elizabeth on the way down.

Oh, yeah.

And picked up some fucking, some good shit because he is fucking.

It's all good, baby.

The energy is off the charts.

Like, I'm not talking Coke.

I'm not talking fucking

those weird cigarettes that he's

talking like the fucking powerful shit.

The energy is unbelievable.

Yeah.

Thank you.

I guess that's just what happens when I don't start my day with dead children.

I mean, the only thing that I had for Christmas to Ed was there's a peppermint shortage, so there's no candy canes around.

Oh, really?

That's week two.

Are you sure?

I just read it.

Yeah.

I mean, I just read it.

Did you plant any candy canes?

Yeah, I just brought like five boxes.

Really?

They're saying that there's a 25% decrease in peppermint production.

And if you'd asked me what's peppermint and how do you make it, I'd have no fucking idea.

You grow it.

You grow peppermint?

Yeah, it's like a stalk, right?

It's a spice, right?

Like in the end of the day, a peppermint?

Yeah.

Yeah, I just don't know.

Like, does it grow in the ground?

Does it grow out of the ground?

Well, you know what?

Maybe I could change the tune right now and look up.

Go out on a high note.

Yeah, well, how peppermint's made.

You know what, though?

Even if there is a shortage, let's just get together, everybody, not just us, everybody listening, and just really, you know, sit there and appreciate peppermint at the table this year.

Yeah.

Because there's a lack of it.

Some other people.

You might not have it next year.

It's just a plant.

It's just like a leafy plant.

That's what I thought it was.

Yeah.

Wow.

All right.

Can you live with a world?

Jeez.

Cute without peppermint.

Do you want to?

I don't want to.

I don't want to.

I like a good candy cane.

There you go.

All right.

See, he's back.

He's back, man.

Yeah.

I love candy cane.

Hey, I put up a Christmas tree yesterday.

Really?

Yeah, I did that at my place.

Put up a Christmas tree.

Small one, only like a fake one about four feet high.

Yeah.

Because of the cats and whatnot.

But I put it up.

I decorated it.

I played some old school Christmas music all day yesterday.

Nice.

Yeah.

Sounds like you're ready.

Yeah.

Like all by himself in that big house.

Well, he's not all by himself.

He said the cats are there.

That's true.

I'm sure they help.

I'm not sure that it helps.

My assistant dropped in for 10 minutes.

Helen, I'd rather, I'd like that ornament on the other side.

And while you're at it, text Paul McCartney for me.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.