#491: We don't watch birds, birds watch us!

Time Steve Dave presents every

character with encounters in the assessment of the name of kind

with Brian Gran,

This week's episode

Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

I sit here with my two buddies Walt

and BQ.

Hello, boys.

We've been accused of something.

What?

What the fuck?

Well, first off, this is really actually

an overkill.

Oh, okay.

I introduced it incorrectly.

So, this is really overkill.

And we'll put the overkill music up front.

There is a complaint on Twitter that we've gone PC.

We've gone PC?

Yes, I don't know why this link isn't working.

But basically.

Okay, wait, open link.

Yes,

because we do not talk about Biden

and the shit show that is.

I mean, we heard this complaint about Trump that we remember people were like, you guys only rip on, you guys never rip on Trump.

It's like, we heard the same thing.

Like, we just.

Yeah, we heard the same thing before.

But this is not a political show.

We don't talk about politics, really.

No, anytime.

It's happening sometime.

Anytime we discuss politics, I learn quickly that we get things wrong,

that we need to be educated, and then I take the time to learn, and then it stops being fun.

So we just stop talking politics.

Yeah, and it's like, do you really need another

source

to be like, Biden's fucking up, man?

Afghanistan's fucked up.

The border's fucked up.

Like, we all know this.

Like, what are we going to talk about?

What are we going to add that someone else hasn't already said?

And if I'm not mistaken, it's either the week, last week or the week before I used the word retard.

So, if that's PC,

I don't know what to tell you anymore.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's so much so that, like,

you know, we've had to,

like,

correct you from time to time with some of your language.

I guess we are PC.

Maybe we are, dude.

Got the PC police.

Oh, what are you going to do?

Is there anything more divisive, though, than

like in any setting than talking about politics, though?

I don't even think religion trumps it anymore.

No, I think politics is it.

And

the politics extends to, like, oh, so you don't want to wear a mask?

Yeah, I guess you love Trump.

No, I don't

like wearing masks.

It's just such a miserable state of like affairs where

everybody's just so pissed all the time.

Why on earth would why one would why would we want to say anything that's going to fucking not be fun to talk about?

And two, I don't want to hear it.

Like, do any of you guys want to hear it?

I don't know.

When I look at both sides and you hear

the rhetoric on both ends of the spectrum from laughter right, does anybody sound happy when they're like consumed by politics?

Does anybody, anybody come across as

they're enjoying this kind of like

total like in on it?

If you're totally in on

that, like on government politics,

I kind of lean that

you're not going to be happy, though.

You need other things, man.

You need other things in your life.

You need other things.

Like,

all this politics division is leached into entertainment to the point, like, you you can't even watch things anymore.

You're like, there's no way that this is fun for these people to make.

Like, it's just sermonizing and standing on fucking, like, preaching to people instead of like just making a fun show.

Like, a buddy of mine was talking about, you know what, I don't even want to get that.

Yeah, you're right.

You know what?

What's the point?

It's just like nobody, it just seems like nobody's having fun.

And it's like, I don't want to be a part of that.

I don't want to piss people off.

And another thing, too, it's just like, I also just like, I don't even mean that in like, I mean, I do mean it in the way of like, I don't want to piss people off because I don't want people angry at me.

I also don't want to bum anybody out.

I don't want to make anybody feel bad or

make anybody like hear an opinion and be like, well, that's a shitty fucking political opinion.

And then they're bumped.

Like, I just, that's not my job, man.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And you,

he summed it all up, man.

He really did.

Yeah.

Are you vaxed?

You know, I'm vaxed.

That's the real question here.

I'm vaxed.

I think everybody listening should get vaxed.

If you're not going to do it, nothing I say is going to fucking change it.

So what's the point of even going on about it?

Yeah, shaming.

There's supposed to be no shaming.

There's supposed to be no shaming and no labeling.

And that's all anybody wants to do anymore.

They want to shame you for this, shame you for that.

And if sexual gender and sex

labels are, it's insane.

How far down the label is that.

I'm worried about your mic.

Are you?

Yeah, you're very low.

Okay, maybe I wasn't talking into it enough.

Hold on, let me pull up the gain a little bit.

Yeah.

Better.

But we probably should have went out on Hunk BQ's fucking brilliant summation of it.

Well, I don't have time to cut it.

Yeah, yeah.

Also, something that Walt sent me,

kind of political, but I don't think.

Did I send you?

Yeah,

you sent me a link.

I don't think you guys are going to ever play in China.

oh i didn't send that to you that was that was the shell

oh is it oh that's right the shell sent it to me you're right uh chinese government banned effeminate men on tv and told broadcasters to promote revolutionary culture broadening a campaign to tighten control over business and society and enforce official morality

he's called for national rejuvenation with tighter communist party control of business, education, culture, and religion.

And these are the, like, this is the country that, if you're like, yeah, man, the fucking the virus came from China.

Like, you're a fucking racist man.

Like, these are.

Oh, no, you're something.

Again, like, if you're not.

Hold up.

You know what?

Maybe let me turn up your, because I did turn down your headphones.

Okay.

Any better?

Yeah, it's better.

Okay.

Yeah, I think it's out there.

So

China's saying no effeminate men on television.

Right.

Broadcasters must resolutely put an end to sissy men and other abnormal aesthetics, the TV regulator said, using an insulting slang term for ineffeminate men, which looks like ning pow or literally girly guns.

Now, there has to be a board, right?

There has to be like a committee, like the comics code

had to approve comics in the 60s and 70s and 50s.

Or the MPAA.

Yeah,

so there has to be like, so what would be the criteria?

Like, what is too effeminate?

Oh, come on.

You know a hunk.

No.

You don't have this.

You don't need a panel.

You just see a hunk and you're like, yeah, that's it.

Yeah.

Is there infighting within the panel where it's like, oh, you think he's not effeminate?

Well, maybe you're a suspect, too.

And I've, I, when Michelle texted us that, I, I maintained that, like, comic bookman never would have been able to air in China then.

Right.

Four guys talking about comics.

You think that's effeminate?

They would consider that effeminate?

I don't know.

It's not like we were like, um, like he-men.

I mean, we were.

That's true.

They're like, they're soft.

They're very soft.

They said that

it reflects concern that Chinese pop stars are influenced by the sleek, girlish look of some of these South Korean and Japanese singers or actors.

So this K-pop is really.

K-pop is the culprit, huh?

I will say this, dude.

I don't like to align myself with China.

You guys know me.

I bleed red, white, and blue.

But

you guys remember Nick Giovanni, right?

A buddy of mine.

He worked at Viewski with us.

So he sent me a trailer for a movie recently called Last Man Down.

And it's a Swedish movie.

And he's like, just watch this trailer.

And I watched the trailer, and it is so much so that I sat Sal down.

And I was like, I want you to watch this trailer.

And then we're going to discuss it.

Then I want you to watch the trailer again.

And I almost kind of want to do that.

Do you think we could just go down and you guys could watch watch the trailer for it for like, or you know, there's no time to edit and we should just do it next week?

Let's do it next week.

Yeah.

There's no time to edit.

I'm going to get it back from Declan.

Okay, so then I would say then, everybody, your homework this week is to go watch the trailer for Last Man Down.

And

it is a return to the, let's say, the movies of the 90s,

the 2000s.

It's a hunk fest.

It's violence.

It's like nothing but like, you killed my wife, so now I'm coming for you.

And I was watching the trailer and I was like, holy fuck, it's been so long since I've seen something like this that I started drooling.

Like, not over the hunk, maybe over the hunk.

I don't know.

But I was like,

and like,

the trailer,

I guess I should just let everybody go watch it.

But the trailer was like, looked like something that 20 years ago would have been released straight to video.

But I, and I would have ignored.

But today,

I can't wait to see this fucking movie.

I'm like, literally, cannot wait to see this movie.

It's such a problem.

They don't make it like this.

Oh, my God, dude.

It's just the only answer to every problem is violence.

There's explosions.

There's muscles galore.

The bad guys got muscles.

The good guys got muscles.

The fucking thugs, they all got muscles.

And then, like,

I mean, you just got to watch it.

It's unbelievable.

And I'm like, man, do you remember when they used to make movies like this?

And how awesome it was.

Your Predators, your fucking

Commandos, your Raw Deals,

your Rampos.

They don't make them anymore.

It's just not done anymore.

Well, yeah, because

nobody wants to promote that the answer to all problems are just like a Schwarzenegger coming in and fucking gunning it down.

Fuck that.

I want to promote that.

I'm here to promote it.

The answer, it worked back then.

It could work today.

It's like there's no fucking messages to be saw.

This guy killed his wife, so he's going to fucking get him no matter any costs.

It's just fucking amazing, dude.

It's like, it's like what shit should be, or at least some shit should be, I thought.

So, like I said, I don't want to align myself with China, but

China is the biggest movie market in the world, and maybe, just maybe, their evil communist regime, the stranglehold over their culture, which is evil in 99.9% ways, will guide our ships slightly back towards the hunky seas.

Like, I'm just like, hey, man, the Chinese are people too, you know?

Like, what do you do?

You can't hate them just because you're Chinese, you know?

You got to love them too.

And they probably want to see that shit.

Who doesn't want to see that shit is my point.

Yeah.

So, everybody, that's the homework.

And

we'll discuss next week.

You guys tell me if I'm right or wrong.

Okay, the

party is

taking control over the tighter control over the internet.

Anyone under 18 can only play three hours of online games per week and prohibit play on school days.

Game developers have to submit new titles.

They're tightening control over celebrities.

Broadcasters should avoid performers who violate public order, who have lost morality.

Now, this is where I agree with the Chinese 100%.

Programs about the children of celebrities are banned.

Thank fucking God.

I am so tired of fucking like, hey, man, I had a kid.

Now it's just as awesome as I am.

Yeah.

You know, like that.

Oh, I hate it.

I hate it.

Now we got to pay attention to fucking Northwest Kardashian or this one or that one.

He has his own show now?

I don't know.

He might.

I know he's on a commercial.

Or I don't know.

Maybe it's not that whatever Chloe Kardashian's kid's name is.

He's in a commercial with her for migraine headaches.

So they're limiting pay for performers.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What did you just say?

Yeah, you hear it.

But America sucks, right?

They're limiting pay for fucking entertainers.

We got to send Schwarzenegger over there, man, to fucking clear out that country.

Just not Schwarzenegger, Stallone, Van Dale.

All the hunks.

We need a hunk squad, man.

Get them over there.

The celebrities need saving over there.

What about the pocketbooks of the celebrities man this is we need some freedom over there

you need the expendables is who you need right oh fuck yeah man the expendables oh you know what i guess in a way those expendable but the expendable movies they haven't made like a real one in in a while right like they've been direct to video and shit like that the last ones the last one was i think yeah i mean how many are there i thought there were only two I think there's three.

I think the third one went straight to video.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But even that was like, even the expendables was like a wink and a nudge.

You know what I mean?

It's like, remember how, you know what I mean?

It was like, look at these old guys.

We're trotting them out for one last run.

That's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about like purist, we're making this because we love it.

You know,

has stuff.

Has

the, now, not being a wrestling fan, has wrestling suffered from now not having that kind of testosterone?

And

or, because I would think that, yeah, I was going to say, isn't that one of the last bastions

of entertainment that hasn't lost its macho?

There is almost nothing better on television right now than AEW, man.

It is fucking week in, week out.

It's just awesome.

Muscles, right?

Muscles.

Immature storylines.

Like, you know what I mean?

I mean, they updated it.

You don't see, like, you don't see the

you don't see like the

like, you know, the ho train.

They don't have like the girls.

They're taking the women seriously, which is totally cool, man.

I'm down for it.

Like, it's actually more fun that way.

But it's just like, but they're still looking pretty good.

The ladies still look good.

You know what I mean?

But the storyline is like, again, I was talking to Nick about it the other day because I was like, dude, because after he sent me that trailer, I was like, you have to watch AEW.

I was like, it is fucking what we want right now.

And he watched a match where a guy in a dinosaur match called the Luchasaurus

was handcuffed to a pole while his little buddy was getting the shit kicked out of him by all these big dudes and there was nothing the Luchasaurus could do about it.

And he was like, this is fucking awesome.

And I'm like, this is it, man.

It's the best shit, man.

Wrestling may save us all.

I really believe that.

It may.

Now, ADW is not Vince McMahon.

No, WWE is Vince McMahon, which has been getting better.

I have to admit, like, even WWE has been more entertaining lately.

The talent's there in both companies.

It's like just the storylines and the wrestling style in AEW has been off the fucking hook lately.

How many major wrestling organizations are there right now?

Are there more than two?

Yeah, there's like a bunch.

Like in Japan, they have a bunch.

There's like, there's,

I think, Ring of Honor.

I don't know if Ring of Honor.

There's a bunch that are like known, but there's only two that's really on TV right now.

In America, there's only two big ones.

It's like WWE and AEW.

It's more like WWE is the A, AEW is the B, but

they're the scrappy young upstart that's really like making waves type thing.

And like all the fucking great talents headed over to AEW because they're like, holy shit, I could do what I want over there.

Like Vince McMahon has such a control over WWE, and they go to AEW and they get the freedom.

They get like freedom over their character.

They get freedom over the storylines.

So you're starting to see huge stars go from WWE to AEW.

Now, how hard is it for a guy like you you who's so busy to keep up on the storylines or is it not?

Like, how often, like, how much do you have to commit to keep up to date on wrestling?

Is it like once a week, or is it like, I thought wrestling was every day?

It's once a week, it's twice a week, but it's like comic books, how you could put it down for like four months and then pick it up.

And then within one issue, you're like, oh, okay.

Like, it's like, all right, Spider-Man's fighting Dr.

Octopus again.

I get it.

You know what I mean?

It's like that type of thing.

So you don't really have to pay attention, but I'll watch once, I'll watch AEW every week.

you know

get my hunks get my hunks in we know someone who a couple people who are working on a sizzle reel for a midget wrestling league they call it micro they call it micro wrestling is there a place today for uh micro wrestling guys of course why why can't those guys wrestle if they want why should they be denied i think they should be able to but kind of catch on like uh

like you're talking about yeah i think yeah i mean i see what you're saying they don't have they don't have the hunky status but like, so it comes down to like writing, man, and like the storylines.

And if you make it fun enough, like, why wouldn't people

they ain't talking about politics and fucking wrestling?

You could just watch it and shit.

What the fuck was that?

Did you hear that?

Yeah.

Sound like a bird.

Yeah.

That was...

Hold on.

What the fuck was that?

So anyway, I thought

it's a Darth Vader clapper.

I guess I made the right noises that made Darth Vader talk.

All right, sorry about that guy.

That didn't sound like Darth Vader.

No.

Well, it's, you know, it's the clapper.

You know, they got some guy who kind of sounds like Darth Vader to do the voice, and I'm sure the speaker's so shitty.

But it looks good.

Yeah, it does.

Yeah.

So anyway, yes, midget wrestling.

Yeah,

I'm in.

If it comes on TV, I would watch it.

Like, are they calling it midget wrestling?

I thought that was like one of the words that they're like, well, it's called micro-wrestling, and nobody on the set can call it midget wrestling, but evidently, from the reports I'm getting, the midgets are like, midget power, fucking midgets rule.

Yeah, they won't stop saying the word midget.

But then, who are we to say that that's not the word?

Then, I know.

If they're saying it's the word,

who the fuck told us that we can't say midget?

I don't even know.

It just popped out of nowhere, but they're saying that we could say the word.

Again, it gets down to like, I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings.

Like, you know what I mean?

Like,

I actually had

a fan of Impractical Jokers come up to me, and he was a little person, and he was like, I want to thank you for never making fun of us on your show.

Yeah, you told us on the Golden Girls episode.

Yeah.

And that stuck with me, which that really, that guy saying that to me, was really like one of the main turning points in my thing where I was just like,

you deleted all your midget skits from IJ.

It was a phone number full of them.

I want everybody to feel that good when they watch the show.

Yeah,

that's the goal.

I don't want anybody to feel bad.

I don't want anybody to feel

out of it.

I don't want to feel like unwelcome.

So I don't know, guys, you tell me what to call you.

You want me to call you midgets?

I'll call you midgets.

You want me to call you little people?

I'll call you that.

It doesn't matter to me.

I just want everybody happy.

Little people always reminded me of children.

It It sounds condescending.

It really does.

Oh, it's just a little person.

It's a little guy.

Just a little guy.

Yeah.

So we'll see.

Hopefully that comes to air.

The midget stuff.

I thought they did it already.

Like, wasn't there a show years ago that was like Hulk Holgren Micro Wrestling League, where he was like...

I thought there was on True TV of all places, something like that.

I think you're right.

Yeah, right?

You were.

I thought you said that.

And I was like, that's right.

I do remember that.

I mean, I guess it's been so long, it's time you can always reintroduce the concept of

wrestling with just without Hulk Hogan.

Yeah.

Hulk Hogan's MCW.

Micro Championship League League League.

Micro Championship Wrestling League.

Yep.

Takes viewers inside all the action, conflict, and drama introducing.

How many seasons?

Oh, one.

Had to be one.

Yeah, let me see.

Here's an episode, Guide.

One season.

Five episodes.

Tough.

Oh, Hulk.

Though he did, he promised half the size, twice the violence.

Nice.

That's what they got to do.

They got to get a good slogan like that.

Yeah.

Well, that one didn't work.

Yeah.

And actually, if I'm going to be honest, because AEW does the blood thing a lot, like where they'll cut the forehead and the blood will start flowing and shit.

And it does look cool, but I am getting older.

I just start going like, I don't really want to.

Are they okay?

Like, I still wonder.

I'm really turning into a fucking pussy.

You're right.

They wouldn't put me on TV in China anymore.

I'm too concerned about everybody's fucking feelings and how everybody's doing.

If I ever heard this episode and your stance on micro people,

that's all right.

What'd you do for Labor Day?

Walton, anything fun?

I went to see Cheap Truck.

Cheap Truck, where were they?

Rugby.

Oh.

Oh, wow.

Look at this guy.

Yeah.

Rocking out.

That's cool.

Yeah, they were really good.

Yeah.

I'm a fan of the band, and

I felt that they really

put on a strong show.

I mean, Rick Nielsen, have anybody, I don't know if you guys remember the name.

He was the

guitarist, yeah.

He looked a little

stiff.

A little aged.

A little stiff.

He looked like a robot, but

he doesn't have the same kind of like elastic moves that maybe a younger Rick Nielsen, but who does?

Now, did he bust out his eight-neck guitar or whatever?

Every single song, he would bring out a different guitar, and people would respond to that.

And he did bring out the massive neck one on for the last song, which he needed help putting on and taking over.

Poor Rick.

But Robin Zander,

his voice sounded phenomenal.

And I'm going to assume that it was all natural because I've heard a lot of people talk about

these old aging rock stars needing a little bit of help.

The whole sweetened lyrics, but boy, did he sound

vocals?

I mean, yeah, played an hour and a half fucking loud, too.

Yeah, yeah, really loud.

Like, so loud that I was like,

I'm too old.

Boy, man, it's got to be, it's got to be weird, you know, to

just when you're in your cheat trick

and you've been doing it for so long and you look out and like you have your

major portion of your of your audience has to like take a break from rocking and they're like and they're toweling their faces off because they're sweating so fast

and they have to sit down

like see i wasn't doing any of that so i could stand the whole time i was forced to stay in but i wasn't like exerting a lot of energy as some of these other people who were like

into it.

But they were getting so into it that they blew their load.

Their wad was blown in the first five songs, so then they had to sit down for the rest of the concert.

You played it right.

You played it the right way.

Oh, it's so rough.

It has to be, it has to take a little bit out of them when, like, you know, when you, but maybe not.

You know, I wouldn't.

If I was them, I would be like, I don't care what, give a fuck if the rest of the audience has to sit down and towel off.

I think that as time goes on, people sort of like those type of bands have to sort of expect it.

That like their average audience, I mean,

we're only in our early 50s, and I prefer to sit.

Oh, yeah.

Like, we're going to see Megadeth this coming Thursday, and it's like, I'm like, oh, my God, I'm going to have to stand the whole fucking time, possibly on the chair over at the PNC Art Center.

Oh, hopefully not on the chair.

On the chair is rough.

Yeah, because you're always

losing your balance.

I was leaning up against the chair in front of me at the Basie.

Yeah.

You know, so, but like I said, though, man, like and I do feel like, like, how how come, you know, people at this advanced age, way older than I was,

like, how how are they that psyched to rock that hard that they may not be able to go to work the next morning?

Like, how what does it what what drives them?

Like, why don't I have that in me?

I don't know.

Yeah, that, that just that I see it all the time at concerts.

Yeah, like, I mean, we saw it like when we went to Ireland, like guys tearing their shirts, you know, a younger version of these people who are rocking that hard, but it's like maybe they're like, hey, this is it.

Like, this might be the last time that I can rock this hard to cheap trick.

Because, like you said, like, like, like Rick Nielsen's 72.

Is he 72?

How much fucking longer can they go out and do this?

Rob Xander looked great.

I mean, he may be taking,

he may have found the fountain of youth wherever.

Like, what was that?

Fonce de la Poyon?

Yeah, Ponce de Leon.

Yeah.

Because damn, he looked fucking just like he was 30 if he was 60 or 70, whatever he is now.

Yeah, I have to imagine he's he's probably close to it.

Let's see.

He's

68.

Damn.

I mean,

if you could look like Robin Xander does at 68,

you get on your knees and thank God.

I'm starting to get the feeling I wish I looked like Robin Xander now.

Great showdown.

What'd you guys do for Labor Day?

I know you guys had a picnic, right?

Had a little barbecue over at Q's house.

Had that guy?

Had a barbecue?

I thought swimmingly.

A hundred punks.

How you guys got in the pool?

Yeah, we got in the pool.

Play any water polo?

Any basket?

Played some beer pong?

In the pool?

In the pool, yeah.

It got like one of the inflatable beer pong tables.

Nice.

Yeah.

Yeah, Joe DeRosa fucking wiped the map with me.

Again?

I can't fucking beat the guy.

I never cared about beer pong in my life until Joe DeRosa became the fucking champion.

And now I can't take the guy down.

And he's so vicious with the put-downs while he's doing it.

It's like he gets under your skin, and you just want to take him down, and then you can't, so it's worse.

Fucking guy.

I almost had a lawsuit on my hands.

I almost had some Joker money in my hand.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

There was.

You could slip on the stairs going into the pool.

No, but there was a chair.

They called it a chair.

Now, I thought I.

thought it was a.

I just realized what he's talking about.

I thought it was a piece of modern art, right?

Right.

But it's this weird.

You'll have to take a picture of it, Q, so I can post it.

You can look it up online.

It's called Spun.

It's a chair called Spun.

Spun?

Okay, I'll look it up.

Yeah, and what it looks like, Walt, is a giant top.

Like, it's shaped exactly like a top.

It's got like a wide thing.

Like a top from what kids play with.

Like a third.

It's spinning.

Okay, yeah.

Like a dreidel?

Like a dreidel, but like the top of the dreidel has like a scoop in it that you could sit in.

Okay.

So you could like kind of spin around in it, like

not like on a top, like straight up.

Oh, like, you know, like,

yeah, cantileer, I guess.

You know, it's that, right?

Okay.

Oh, yeah, that doesn't look comfy.

That does not look like a chair, right?

It's so comfy.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah, you would not think that by looking at it.

You could show me that.

I bet you could show a thousand people and be like, what is this?

They would never say it's a chair.

I didn't think it was a chair.

Like I said, I thought it was an art piece that he had bought.

Yeah.

Which is the same thing that happened to me the first time I saw it, which is why I ended up getting one because it was kind of cool.

The thing about this chair is that you can't fall.

The way it's designed is like you can't fall out of it, even though it looks like it, doesn't it?

It looks like

if you went to the side, you would fall out of it.

It looks like a hammock, like a dangerous

once you learn to trust it,

there's no danger of falling, right?

But

like everything in life,

it just takes one person to fucking ruin it for the rest.

That person wasn't me, though.

That person was Mary Beth because somebody, you know, somebody said, like, yeah, you can't fall over.

I don't know why she took that as a challenge, but so she sits in it, but she doesn't sit in it the right way.

No, I didn't know there was a right or wrong way to sit in it.

You have to sit with your legs out.

But she sits in it and she tucks her legs in and she like rolls it once and it goes around, but then it goes around a second time and her weight is just carrying it really fast.

So it goes around a second time.

And she goes,

she was also holding the sides and speeding it up.

Yeah.

I watched the whole thing unfold.

I don't know why she was trying to prove everyone wrong that you could fall out of a chair, but she did it.

She did,

to be fair, she proved this wrong.

Yeah, she proved this wrong.

And she was so close to hitting this wall with her face.

And then.

This is the good part.

I'll let Q tell this part.

So, so Mary Beth falls, right?

And two things happen.

One,

everybody instantly,

first of all, nobody helped this poor girl up.

Like,

we were all just like, because

everybody was just like, everybody was so concerned with the fact that I'm an asshole because I kept crowing about how nobody could fall out of a chair.

So

the second she falled out, you know, everybody's drinking.

So instantly, everybody's like, whoa!

So I thought nobody could fall out of the chair.

And I had a whole fucking party of people like throwing daggers at me about this fucking chair.

And I didn't see it coming.

I was just like, what the fuck's going on?

Everybody's, and then, and, so, so, you know, and then we looked at poor Mary Beth and she's picking herself off the ground.

And then we all looked at Johnson, who's sitting four feet away from her.

And we're like, well, surely her husband's going to

help her up or make sure she's okay or anything like that.

And we have the video footage because none of us could quite believe what we saw.

But Johnson just looked at her, fall out of the chair, start laughing, and then just turn to the right and continue his conversation.

Like, what the fuck's the matter with you?

That's crazy.

So, we got the footage from my security camera and started watching it.

And it was just so funny because you seem so unconcerned.

I saw the first part where, like, I looked over, but then you got, I guess, a different angle or something.

And it did make me laugh.

Where I like, I look over, I see Ryan helping her up, and then I look back to whoever I was talking to.

I'm like, she's fine.

She'll be fine.

And Ryan is the last guy you want to help her up because Ryan's no fucking good-looking motherfucker.

Mr.

Handsome swept her off her feet, the son of a bitch.

He's got no shirt on.

He's got the pecs because he's in the pool.

And he's helping her.

He's so good-looking, it made me want to get in the chair and fall out.

Yeah, you know, so I don't know if that was the wise move on your part, bro.

I don't know.

She has been talking about him quite a bit lately.

Has she?

Terms such as hero and lover and that type of thing.

Yeah.

She was laughing her ass off.

She wasn't upset at all.

No, she wasn't hurt.

She wasn't hurt.

She was instantly laughing.

I'm playing it up a little bit.

She was clearly fine.

She was laughing.

It was funny.

Yeah, it was funny.

And it was a good party.

It was a very fun time.

Really was a blast, man.

We just had so much fun.

Everybody was great.

Everybody had fun.

The pool was great.

People didn't leave.

People didn't leave until two in the morning.

And then

Joe DeRosa DeRosa slept over and then didn't leave the next day until 8 at night.

It was awesome.

It was a fun time.

DeRosa, I fucking love that guy.

Oh, he's so fucking awesome, man.

I love DeRosa.

You know what I love, Q

Blue Chew?

Nope.

Miandis?

Well, I do love all that stuff as well.

I love particularly.

Green Chef?

No, in this moment, I love Raycon.

Raycon.

Oh, I forgot about that.

Working looks different for everybody, especially these days.

You go to work, you want to fucking cool out sometimes,

pop on some headphones.

I do it

when I'm mowing the lawn.

I can't stand the sound of a lawnmower.

So I have noise-canceling raycons that I put, like the buds that I put in, and then I put noise-canceling raycons over those.

Oh, wow.

Like big headphone types.

I can't stand the sound of lawn mowers.

How come?

I don't know.

I don't know what it is.

I don't like the smell of grass.

I don't like the sound of the lawnmowers.

It's that droning sound.

A lot of people, I imagine, like that kind of like that, that kind of thing.

Like people could sleep to it almost.

Well, I have a neighbor who's like, he has a shitty lawnmower, and it's always like

for hours on end.

This motherfucker, I'm like, how much grass?

Like, I see how much grass you have.

How the fuck is it taking you this long?

That was very good, man.

That was like, that was almost like police academy level.

Michael Winslow over here.

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And they aren't just great for work.

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So you need to have an

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You don't feel like holding the phone up to your ears.

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I love this.

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There's active noise canceling from maximum focus and ambient mode for when you need to hear the world around you.

You know how good Raycons are?

How good?

I let my wife borrow mine, and then the other day I saw a different color Raycon egg.

You know, the egg you put them in

that you charge them in.

I have a blue one, and all of a sudden I see a black one.

I was like, where did these come from?

She goes, oh, I ordered them.

I liked them.

And I was like, oh, wow.

Why don't you tell me?

And I was like, you used the code, right?

There's a link code.

Oh, no.

I was like, I go, what?

Are you telling me we don't get credit for you buying these Raycons?

I go, what on earth would you do that?

You never do anything digitally.

And the first time you do, you screw us out of fucking some money

and some credit for moving some units.

Yeah, Raycon would have been like, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, check it out.

Well, she could return them and then rebuy them.

She could do that, yeah.

She is not going to do that.

She goes, Can't you just email them and tell them that you know that you bought a pair for full price and that you should be getting credit for that?

And I was like, who's going to read that email?

Like, who, what is this?

Raycon has a 45-day free return policy, so she could do it.

32-hour battery life, and they're super comfortable with a soft velvet finish and memory foam ear tip.

So, you want to wear them in your off hours too.

Call, here you go.

So, if we went to buyraycon.com/slash T-E-S-D, Debbie would have gotten 15% off her order.

That's B-U-Y-Raycon.com slash T-E-S-D work.

Wait, oh, I'm sorry, T-E-S-D work is

the

code.

So, for 15% off Raycons today, buyraycon.com/slash T-E-S-D work.

All right.

Now, we finally can can get to some

overkill.

It's been a while, right?

It has been.

I miss it.

Do you guys get.

Do you like

stuff like this, like conspiracy theories, or does it, or do you find them annoying?

Do you find them

unnerving?

Like, or are you just middle of the road?

It really doesn't matter to you.

When they're not like

conspiracy theories about important things, I love them.

Really?

Yeah.

Like, I guess, you know, like COVID would be something important, and like, the

COVID, the chips and the fucking, you know, and

people putting spoons on their body and saying, look, I'm magnetized.

That's something people do.

What?

You didn't hear that?

You didn't hear about this?

No, I have not.

It's fucking insanity.

Someone licks a spoon and puts it on their body, and there's like, or the sweat from their body holds it on.

They're like, I'm magnetized.

After I've been, you know, after I've gotten the shot, they say they're magnetized.

Oh, it's after this.

Oh, so it's they're concerned.

Yeah,

it's just like,

yeah, I agree with you, Q, on that.

I'm like, yeah, that is so annoying.

So I guess I don't know then because all my all the stories that I brought here today,

I feel they're

on a, on an importance level of anywhere between 9 and 10.

Well, you mean 9 or 10?

Not between 9 and 10.

It's a 9.5.

But the first one I got here of an overkill conspiracy theory.

Have you heard of the company Mattress Firm?

Yes.

Yeah, of course.

Are you aware of how many mattress firm stores there are and

the theory of why there are so many.

I will say this.

I drove out to the ass end of Long Island a few weeks back, and the reason that it's so crazy.

The reason that you said, do I know mattress firm is because of that ride?

Because I was like, how many fucking mattress firms do they need on Long Island?

Exactly.

Because this is a product, though, that most people don't need

for 10 years at a clip.

Yeah.

So why, like, there's reports here of, you know, four mattress firms on one corner of an intersection.

No way.

That seems excessive.

That's what it says here in this article I'm reading: that, you know, there's, there's instances where there are four mattress firms on an on an intersection, like a, like a four-way stop.

And you can, you have the ability to turn left, right,

and hit a, hit a mattress firm if you do.

And people are wondering, why is there a need for all these mattress firm stores?

So you're asking us what we want.

If you had to guess, like, you know, like, why is there,

I mean, it's a staggering amount of mattress firms.

I can personally attest to that, that I had that thought a few weeks back.

Like, what's going on with all these mattress firms?

No clue.

Is it that they just want to

dominate the market?

So it's like if like they're getting places that are not that expensive to rent.

No, they're they're getting like high visible highway,

you know,

locations like and with big giant letters on them, you know, mattress firm.

Now, I go to the friendlies that we went to

where everybody went after the

after bowling.

There's a mattress firm there in that plaza.

And every time I go, now I go there often, I never see anybody in there.

There's a mattress firm on the way to Red Bank.

I

rarely see anybody in there.

There's no cars in front of me.

Yeah, it is a strange thing.

And the theory is right now is that it's a money laundering thing.

That's what I would, that's, I mean, if I had to guess, but it's so,

I mean, how obvious can they make it then?

Well, I think that is like you put, you have that many.

It's almost like nobody would ever think that, though.

Like, it's all legit.

You're so high profile.

You have so many.

Like, who is going to assume that it's improper, though?

Yeah.

Are there theories as to who's using it to launder money?

Well, who is most likely to launder money?

Gangsters.

Yeah, but to which, which type of gangsters?

Because I don't want to talk about Russian gangsters in case they hear it.

Those motherfuckers cut your dick off.

You're more concerned with Russian gangsters than, say, Italian gangsters?

The Italian gangsters, the worst that's going to happen is they're going to fucking, you know, they're going to give you two in the back of the head, or, you know, or maybe if you're a real prick, they're going to put your head in a vice and pop your eyeball out of stuff like that.

They don't touch your dick.

They don't touch it.

The Italians know, man.

The Italians hold nothing more sacred.

We leave the sausage alone, okay?

Yeah.

But Russian, but Ruskies, you know, they're prone to go right for the gone head.

They don't fucking fuck around, man.

That's why they're so scary.

I'd give them 10% of my business if they came after me and and threatened to cut off my dick.

I'd be like, oh, here you go.

That's a good point.

It could be like high-level money laundering.

But where's the money coming from?

Drugs, I guess?

I don't know.

I mean, there is just no way there is such a demand for mattresses that they need this many

locations.

3,500 stores on the East Coast.

That's a lot of stores.

It's like, well, everyone is shuttering their businesses because you can't get people to buy anything other than online.

Yeah.

These guys are

multiple stores equals multiple places to shuffle money between and more sources for fake money to appear to come from.

The South African retailer Steinhoff bought Mattress Firm for $3.8 billion.

Whoa, God.

Dude.

How many mattresses do you have to sell?

Come on.

Yeah.

3.8 billion.

Yeah, that's fucking a lot, man.

If I was Casper,

I'd be watching out for my dick right now.

Right?

I mean,

if you were the owner of Casper.

I'm getting out of the game.

Fuck this.

And purple?

Oh, no.

No way.

No way.

There's nothing like, like, I mean, apologies to anybody that got their dick cut off and that's listening, but like,

if my dick cut cut off, I might be like,

what's the point?

Oh, I thought you meant they do it and you're dead anyway, though.

It's just some, like, and they.

Worse.

They cut it off and they let you go.

Well, yeah, it's worse, but I mean, at the end of the day, I mean, two bullets in the head.

And if they shoot you and then cut it off, I mean, you really don't know anyway, though.

Like,

There's a shame like if they put it in your mouth sometimes.

Yeah, I've heard that too.

I judge for myself.

But I'm sure, though, by the time they get you to the funeral home, they'll remove it.

So you're going to get viewed.

You don't bother taking that cup out of my mouth.

He died as he lived.

You got to do a closed casket because he got a dick in your mouth.

Yeah, but you know those fucking morgue, those morgue technicians are taking fun are making fun of you and taking pictures to send their friends and shit like that.

Like,

this guy's got a dick in his mouth.

Look at this.

It's just no way to go, man.

It's no way to go.

Yeah, when do they take it out?

I wonder.

Somebody finds you in the trunk of a car.

You got a dick in your mouth.

You got your own dick in your mouth.

Like, whose job is it to remove it?

You would be the homicide detective.

I wonder if Troy's removed any dicks from anything.

Probably a lot.

Well, I fucking know that.

I'm not saying he keeps them.

No, no, no, no.

Sure, it's got a jar

some penises.

I'm sure he puts it in the evidence bag, you know, a little baggy and everything.

But I would imagine, like, you know, he has to dust it for prints.

Yeah.

He's probably impressed sometimes by the size.

Yeah.

Dust it for prints.

But it says here, Steinhoff's, the company that brought the stock or bought the mattress firm for $3.8 billion.

The stock price tanked as much as 62% in one day, wiping out $15 billion of its market value.

Whoa.

The company postponed publishing its full-year account, citing accounting

irregularities.

Irregularities.

Irregularities.

Damn.

I knew what the word was.

Just never said it out loud before.

And it's two top executives and chairman resigned.

Something was going on.

They were shuffling money from somewhere to somewhere.

I think you're right.

I don't know if this is really an overkill.

It's kind of like a white-collar

conspiracy, maybe.

I don't know if it's deserving of the overkill, but we've been out of practice.

So that's why I have another one.

It's not that spooky.

Have you ever heard about Iran's dolphins?

No, but I thought they were dead.

Right?

That's what really is really fucked up.

I thought they were landlocked.

I mean, that's why we don't talk about politics.

We don't even know if Iran

has a body of water around them, but they must because

they have the Persian Gulf.

Oh, okay.

And there you go.

So they have plenty of water.

They got dolphins.

Okay.

So

in 2000, Iran purchased a fleet of military-trained dolphins from Russia, and no one knows whether they're alive or not today.

The dolphins were trained by the Soviet Union to kill.

To bite off dicks.

Now, I maintain, it doesn't say how much Iran paid Russia for these dolphins, but I would need a hell of a fucking show

before I fucking plop down a cent for killer dolphins.

How do they kill people, does it say?

I don't know.

I mean,

if you're saying they're killer dolphins because maybe you strap a bomb to them,

that's not really a killer dolphin.

You just strapped a bomb onto a fucking helpless

animal right it's a suicide bomber yeah

they like that shit

yeah they indoctrinate those dolphins yeah

but no one knows what they did with the dolphins though and and there's uh not a lot of uh news gets out of iran but

uh what do you think you is that one a little bit more spookier than uh mattress firm i'm going in i'm going in order of like from least spooky to most spooky it's definitely more in line with with the typical overkill I would say that would pass that test for sure.

But I just wonder, like, how effective could they be if, like, we've never heard anything about their missions?

Or

the Pentagon's never been like, ah, fuck, we lost a ship.

But they would never come out and admit that.

No, they would never come out and admit that they got fucking.

Right, but have we lost any ships at all?

They might have.

But what about other countries, though?

You don't know if they sent their killer dolphins to infiltrate and to board a ship and start killing all the passengers.

Oh, you think they have cybernetic

limbs and stuff like that where they can crawl onto the boat and start.

Well, I thought that's how, I mean, how else are you going to kill everybody?

You need, I mean, other than like, what, you think it's literally like they just go all under.

Well, damn, dude.

I would just send a little sub under there, then I wouldn't go buy dolphins then if you're just going to like kill the dolphins and like that's a waste of money how much is a sub and like you could like i think also like your enemies are are looking for subs they have the sonar they have the depth charges oh nobody's looking for a dolphin you know what i'm saying true so it says here that the dolphins had originally been trained in the soviet union to attack enemy ships when funding for the project ran out the dolphins were acquired by their former trainer who moved them to a dolphinarium i didn't know such a thing existed but public interest waned i guess

People are like, dolphins, big deal.

And their caretaker was forced to sell them when he ran out of food.

What, in Iran?

This is in Iran, yeah.

No, I guess this is in Russia.

Oh, he sold them to Iran.

And then they sold them to Iran, right?

I think he just was like, yeah, these are killer dolphins.

He couldn't take care of them anymore, so he said,

so in my mind, I was thinking that they just come up and they have like, they have like a little mini machine gun.

And they just come up and they, or, and they just, or maybe even something more like, maybe even a poison dart.

And they just,

and they see someone on deck, they shoot them.

You're thinking they're like Marvel, like brute force with Marvel.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

That would be cool.

I wish we lived in that world.

You're both right.

You're both right because in military.com, they say the dolphins were trained to kill enemy frogmen using harpoons mounted on their backs.

And they would also swim at enemy ships in suicide attacks while carrying explosive sea mines because they're able to distinguish between Russian and American submarines by the sound of their propulsion systems.

Now, I know they're super smart, right?

We know that they're one of the most intelligent creatures on the planet.

But even they're not smart enough to know that they're fucking committing suicide.

They just know there's something on their back.

They don't want it on their back.

They're trying to shake it off.

And they're trained to maybe be told to go towards an object, but they definitely aren't saying goodbye to their friends as they swim off.

No, no, not at all.

They think they're getting a sardine after they're done.

Yeah.

Or 72 virgin dolphins.

I heard there was.

Isn't that how they got those guys on the planes in 9-11?

Like, they didn't know they were going to die afterwards, right?

Like, that was the theory that came out.

Yeah, they were going to have beautiful 72 brides.

Virgin.

No, no, no, no.

What I had heard was that only the people in the cockpit knew that they were crashing the planes into the tower.

The rest of the motherfuckers in the back

thought that they were just going to hijack the plane, take it somewhere, make a statement.

They probably knew there was a good chance they could die, though, in this whole thing.

Sure, but there's a difference between a good chance you can die and like, well, we're going to crash this fucking plane directly into a building.

All right.

All right.

So, you, I mean, I still haven't.

This seems like it could be true.

It seems like it is true.

Yeah, but I just found it like no one's heard about it, I don't think.

But all right, I still have more.

I had

an anti-overkill thing because I think that I proved to myself that ghosts don't exist.

And that

because I was in Charleston, South Carolina this weekend, right?

And by the way, great, great city, man.

Holy shit, what a fun town.

And if you're a single guy, do yourself a favor, just move to Charleston because the ratio is like four to one hot chicks to one dude in that town.

It's insane.

But, like, you know, they have all these new plaques up about the history of the slave trade and stuff like that.

And I was standing in front of this building and the plaques about like in one day they sold like 325 slaves.

And like, and they go on about like the human misery and shit like that.

And I'm looking up and down the street and I'm like, this is a pretty nice fucking neighborhood, man.

Like,

it's pretty here and like calm and peaceful.

I was like, there's no way there is this amount of human suffering and there's fucking angry spirits and this city is this fucking nice.

I was like, no fucking way would that be allowed.

Like if you had a chance to come back as an angry spirit, Charleston should be unlivable.

It should be unlivable.

And I wasn't even fucking around.

I was just like,

it should just be stained with like suffering and misery.

And it's just not at all.

You know what I mean?

Pussy galore.

It's pussy galore.

And like they, I had some pretty good shrimps and grits.

You know what I mean?

Like, I was like, I don't know, man, like this fucking city, like, should be haunted as fuck, and it just wasn't, I don't think.

Yeah, I think there's a lot of cities.

I mean, if, if, if ghosts were to

exist and the concept of haunting and not being able to move on, yeah, there's a lot of cities that in America that would be prime

suspects for uh, you know, a lot of uh

a lot of activity.

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

All right.

That's a pretty good theory.

There should be some chains clanking something.

Oh, it should be unlivable.

You should walk down the street and just get a feeling of dread and like, you know what I mean?

Like the amount of human suffering that went on there.

And it is not.

Like, there were more bachelorette parties than I've ever seen in Atlantic City.

Like, it's girls in pick cowboy hats going, woo, buy me drinks.

You know what I mean?

And I'm like, oh, they don't look upset at all.

Nobody looks haunted here.

I gather they didn't stop by to read the plaque.

Oh, no.

I was the only one reading the plaque.

Everybody else was.

Yeah.

I don't know if this one's that scary either, though, but it's sinister, at least.

There's a theory

that the Disney company created Frozen to throw Google's algorithm off when people try to look up information about Walt Disney cryogenically freezing himself when he died.

Whoa.

But it's still out there.

It's just that it would

lead people away.

Yeah, it just kind of makes people have to scroll through Google a little bit more.

So if you put Walt Disney frozen and just added head,

you're beating their algorithm.

But can you imagine Disney like you're like,

we got to throw them off

the track?

We got to like misdirection here, you know, a little sleight of hand, and there, and while they do it, they just happen to fall into another fucking billion-dollar franchise.

Yeah, right.

Well, why don't they make an animated call Disney called uh Walt Disney Jews?

So they're like, when people type in, does Walt Disney hate Jews?

Like, it'll just come up.

And what's the downside?

Like, if let's say, like, they found out for a fact Walt Disney had his head frozen, you know, in case.

Oh, it was just a head?

Oh, is it the head?

I thought it was the whole body.

What's the point of having?

I always heard, like, Ted Williams, it was just his head that they froze.

Yeah, Ted Williams is definitely just his head.

That's confirmed.

But I always heard Disney was the whole body, like underneath the statue of him.

Okay, it's on the statue.

I've heard the rumors that it's in the underneath the castle, Sleeping Bureau's Castle, or whoever's castle that is.

There's a frozen corpse.

I mean, that's pretty fucked up.

Even if it was true,

you know,

why the move to make it harder for people to Google it, though?

Like I said, what's the downside of people even knowing if they're like, yes, it's a fact, that's what he did, because someday

if medical science catches up,

they'll be able to reanimate him.

Who wouldn't it just be like, oh, that's pretty cool?

What's the downside to people knowing it?

I mean, I don't think it would hurt ticket sales if, like, if they, even if they came out and confirmed it,

people are still going to go.

I mean, the only thing that's hurting ticket sales is the fact that they're making them fucking obscene,

the ticket prices to

go to the parks.

Do you think it's possible it's true?

No, I don't think so.

I think, I mean, wasn't it debunked?

Like, he has a great.

I hope it's true.

I would love for Walt to come back.

If he came back,

what would the reaction be from the world?

A man at a time.

He's basically now Captain America.

Oh, man, that would be so fucking cool, man.

What did he die of?

I don't know.

Find out.

Yeah, I don't know.

That's a good question.

Probably.

You're not going to be able to find out.

What are you doing?

You can't Google anything about Walt Disney.

Do you guys want to say frozen too?

I thought you said you wanted to get, you couldn't edit this.

You had to get it out.

And now you're going to sit there and try to find out information about Walt Disney being frozen?

That's pretty easy.

There you go.

Lung cancer.

Oh, that's a tough one to compute.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I don't think they're bringing him back until they cure cancer, right?

But if they did bring him back, you know,

what is the reaction from the world?

Is it outrage?

Is it just pure, just like, I can't believe it, amazement?

In today's day and age?

Yeah.

Oh, rich man fucking beat death.

Unfair.

Unfair.

But isn't that what any rich person would do with their money, though?

Of course.

I thought I read Bezos recently was looking like for anti-aging shit.

I thought I just read that.

I mean, it's not shocking, right?

No, but oh my God, if there's anybody who doesn't deserve to find the fountain of youth, it's Bezos.

Bezos anti-aging.

But he's the guy that's going to find it.

I disagree with you.

He's going to use all his fortune to find it.

Right, but it's not going to make a difference to the common man, though.

He'll hide that shit or sell it for zillions.

Yeah.

And then, even then, the government would allow it.

Cannot allow people not to die.

The world would become unsustainable, though.

Or you would have to make it so that nobody can have children anymore.

Then

you cannot have the population keep growing and nobody lives.

How about this?

How about this?

What if they made a law?

And they were like, look, you can do this.

You can live forever.

But you can't have kids.

A lot of people would do it.

Yeah.

A lot of people would do it.

The opportunity to live forever.

What is it?

Retro my grandfathered in because I had kids already or no?

No, you're fucked.

You're done.

You're out.

I can't have kids anymore.

It doesn't matter.

You already created your replacements.

You're done.

Oh, that's harsh, Q.

Nobody told you to have kids.

Yeah, but nobody told me that there was an opportunity that I could be immortal, though.

Well, I'm sorry, buddy.

I wish it was different.

I wish it was different.

I don't want to live without you.

You know, Brian, you get in on a technicality, my friend.

Oh, just under the wired nice.

Nice.

So you adopted kids.

You're okay then.

You're still okay.

Yeah, yeah.

You didn't put another human on the planet.

All right, but

what if you got rid of your kids?

Oh, if you got rid of your kids,

if I get rid of her, do I live forever?

No, no, no.

Let's have that conversation.

I'm just saying, I think you're good, Brian.

I think you're in.

I think, Waltz,

I don't think people are going to be happy with you killing your kids to live forever.

It's kind of.

No, no, no.

I'm talking about abortion.

I'm talking about abortion.

Oh, yeah, no, that's encouraged.

Yeah.

This is some regime.

Yeah.

All right.

Wow.

Yeah, but your daughters have that choice.

To live forever.

To live forever.

You want to do that ad, Brian?

No, we only have one.

Oh, we only have one.

Oh, okay.

And

I have the creepiest one now.

They'll save the best for last.

The creepiest conspiracy theory that I was able to come up with since last night.

And this is a listener sent this in to me, and I had no idea this existed.

I don't think you guys have heard of it, but it's been around for some time.

There is a movement that's been active since 1976

and it's the birds aren't real movement

have you heard you've heard of it i have not but uh nor have i don't tell me my cardinals aren't real

uh they are not okay they are not real because

i know i knew i wasn't a pussy I knew when I had a bird in my house that there was something that I knew that there was more to it than just a fucking a rat with wings.

I knew when I looked at it,

it was not natural.

No soul.

I knew I had a, like,

something was telling me it was recording me.

Because

recording you?

The Birds Aren't Real movement maintains that

since the 60s,

the U.S.

government has been killing all birds, and

they've tried to eradicate the birds and replace them with drones that monitor the population.

Wait, that doesn't make any sense.

Why would you kill all the birds?

Wouldn't it be better to just release the drones into the population?

You can't have every boat, bird be a drone.

Somebody's going to get one eventually.

But if, like, you just introduce the drones into the existing species, then you got it, then you got something on your hands.

No, but I mean, I'm not sure.

What about Thanksgiving dinner?

What am I eating?

A fucking drone?

That's a pretty good point.

It said, okay.

The goal of Birds Aren't Real was

to stop the genocide of real birds.

Unfortunately, this was unsuccessful.

So it says the government did it.

The government has replaced every single living bird with robotic replicas.

And now the Birds Aren't Real movement, and there's a website.

You guys can

go to the website.

There's a commercial that they were not allowed to air in 1987.

What?

Really?

Is that on the internet?

It's right on the front page of the website.

Birds Aren't Real, 1987.

They weren't allowed to air this.

They have CIA agent

interviews.

They have so much.

They have a fair amount of merch.

Your rights have been violated um because the government watches you drive to work eat and sleep they see everything from above without an ounce of consent from their own citizens um

now

we are definitely living in a state where they're trying to put cameras everywhere i mean there is no doubt about that not trying they every one of us has it in our pocket they they succeeded yeah

we carry microphones and cameras around with us all day how often do you find yourself like

something pops up in your phone and you're like, whoa, this is weird.

I was just talking about it.

All the time.

Spooky as hell, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So

the Cardinals that were acting, they may have been acting the way they were acting

based upon you talking about them and the government listening in to tell them Steve Dave, and,

you know, and then programming the drones to act a certain way to throw you off even more off the track.

Remember, you were like, they're assholes.

He's like, yeah.

Because they want you to stop watching.

Because

they want you to stop

looking at them too closely.

So

you would lose interest because you're like, ah, they're jerks.

They're kind of nasty little creatures.

So he's feeding the enemy.

And I say bird watchers.

are in on it because nobody could ever possibly be interested in watching birds.

So like they're...

that's not true.

I watch them all the time, but yeah, but you grew, but you kind of grew out of it real quick, and you didn't go buy all the equipment.

No, I have binoculars and long lens camera and stuff like that.

I'm still taking pictures of them.

Oh, come on, on the level you were when you first started talking about it.

I'm telling you, I'm feeding them, I'm loving them.

Yeah,

I don't go, you know what I don't go to the woods, I don't go on bird watching uh trips.

Maybe that's what they mean.

Like, you're not going to climb a pole and sit in a fake nest for hours, Just as a bird.

No.

I don't know.

Yeah, and I've always felt weirded out by birds, and

I don't believe that they could possibly ever kill all the birds.

That would be some undertaking.

Yeah.

And the very fact that you see bird shit on your car

kind of lends

a little bit of

a big giant hole to the theory that there's no real birds left in America.

I totally forgot about this until right now.

When I was in Wildwood, Mary Beth and I were on the boardwalk.

We were about to walk into one of the little shops, and all of a sudden I hear a girl blood-curdling scream.

I turn around.

She has bird shit all over her face.

She's like,

she was like 10.

She's like, he pooped on me.

Oh, it was so disgusting.

And that could happen to anybody at any time.

Yeah.

I mean, a couple feet over and it would have been me.

I was stunned.

I was stunned that it wasn't me.

You know, and maybe, maybe there's something to the theory that bird shit is good luck because if that bird had hit you, Mary Bett's Day would have been ruined.

That's true.

But is there maybe

the fact that it doesn't happen more often?

Like, the amount of birds and the amount of people,

why doesn't it happen more often that you get fucking shit on?

Come on, it should be happening fucking daily.

Yeah, you should know at least one person a day that they're like, oh, great at shit on me.

Right?

Yeah.

Like, we should be getting hit at least once a week on average, I would think.

Yeah, like, when's the last time has a bird ever shit on you?

Never.

How about you?

Not that I recall, no.

You?

Yeah, birds shit on me, but it's so funny.

Like, once a season, Sal gets shit on on camera with a practical judicious.

It's so funny to watch.

It happens once a season.

We've left it in sometimes.

We leave it on the show sometimes.

He's like that dude from That's Incredible who got struck by lightning once a year.

Yeah, that ranger.

Sal's lucky.

It was just bird shit.

That's right.

I remember one time we were,

this is going way back,

probably early 2000s, when we were cleaning out

the old office, the old Viewerscu office.

We were moving it to a new office, and Sal came down and helped, and he parked under this tree.

Am I exaggerating when I said it looked like somebody dumped a bucket of paint on his car?

It was nuts.

It was no other car, it's just his car.

There was so much shit on it.

Me and Q are dying.

We couldn't.

Like imagine

whatever you're imagining in your head, double it.

It's more.

It was nuts.

Do you think birds are prompted by other birds going?

Oh, like if somebody's pissing, like, oh, great, now I got to piss.

Yeah, do you think?

I mean,

that makes no sense that all of them would hit that car.

Unless, again, they were programmed to.

If you know Salad, it makes perfect sense.

so it's probably just what he parked under right it was like uh he parked under a tree yeah but i mean there were a couple different trees there it was so weird how much shit there was on that he comes out like my car

that's funny so so which of those uh

you know, gave you the heebie-jeebies?

Like, you know, you got goosebumps and you're going to immediately go tell the next person you walk into.

Have you heard about this?

I'm gonna do

the mattress one.

The mattress one, yeah, I like the mattress one, yeah.

I'm with the mattress one, I thought that was the lamest one.

Well, the other ones are so unbelievable,

although I don't know, the dolphins, like, I think there is a kernel of truth to it, right?

I think there's a kernel of truth to all the ones I spoke about today.

The birds are spying on us?

I wouldn't.

Well, I'm going to tell you, I only want to tell you this

because I thought it was too weak.

Because I don't want to get anybody, I don't want to get us on anybody's map.

But there are definitely fake

dragonfly drones.

I mean,

not because I've seen one, because I know for a fact that I've seen reporting on it, and the government even admitted to it, that they have created fake bugs, not like insects.

So why on earth would they not create drone birds, too, though?

What is their purpose in

creating these?

Espionage, bro.

Dragonfly surveillance.

I didn't want to mention that because I just didn't want to, I didn't want to tell him Steve Dave to get any

blacklists.

Yeah, yeah, I appreciate that.

Although it does appear that Dragonfly is a brand name, not an actual Dragonfly.

Oh, is that what it means?

Yeah.

Oh, that's perfect.

Yeah,

they're pretty serious-looking drones, though.

I think they're military-like

quality.

So

there may be something there.

You still got your drone, Q?

I still got my drone, yeah.

Still fly it every now and then?

I flew it up two weeks ago.

I had it up in the air.

Yeah.

You getting footage with it?

Yeah,

there's these two little small islands off Staten Island.

I flew it out to one of them to just look what was out there.

There was nothing out there.

Really?

Who owns them?

The government owns them.

Yeah, they were used as

quarantine centers during the Ellis Island days, and then during World War II, they were used as a munitions dump.

Are you allowed to go take a boat out to them?

I have.

You wouldn't want to walk on them.

They're so overgrown.

They're bird sanctuaries now, so you're not allowed to.

But I took

my boat out there years ago and and looked at them, but I didn't go on them.

Did you guys know that certain parts of Antarctica you can't view from Google Earth to?

Really?

No, I didn't know that.

Yeah, there's like

dark zones where you're not allowed to look.

Now, why would there be dark zones?

A military installation reason I could think of, yeah.

Well, I wouldn't think military, I would think that's the where the uh the entrance to the hollow earth is

or the headquarters to mattress firm

tell them, Steve Dave.