#488: Channel 1,000,000

What we did talk about is his wife's asshole a lot.

But I think you could talk about a person's asshole without a problem.

I think it was as tasteful a conversation you can have about an asshole.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

I am here with Walt.

Hello.

And

coming in from the island of Staten, BQ.

Hello.

Hey, how's it going, guys?

And we have a special guest.

Boys, I don't use the word thrilled very often.

I don't get thrilled in life a lot.

You know, it's rather mundane.

But today's guest, thrilled to have him here.

Yeah, your face lit up when you saw it, because I didn't tell you that he was going to be at my house today.

No.

And we got Mr.

Seth Volcano.

Yeah, thank you so much.

I feel like a cicada.

Yeah, came out.

I know everybody for an hour and then go back up to the ground.

See you guys in 17 more years.

It's been a while.

When was the last time?

Like 2014 Christmas?

No, could that be?

It can't be.

I feel like I was at, you know, the.

Oh, you were at the wedding, the wedding of Giddam.

That may have been it, episode 300, because you officiated at the wedding.

You wasn't on Pinal Cast 2?

You weren't on the.

Not in person.

It definitely has not been seven years.

That's exactly what I've done.

If it has, then I am.

I can't, then I'm depressed.

Yeah, you would have to come on more often than that.

So let's just say we're restarting

something here.

This is the appearances of Sal.

From now on, he'll be on weekends.

Rebirth.

Can you commit to that, Sal, with your many other obligations?

Every time I turn around, there's a new Salvolcano project.

I'm like, if I had fucking 10% of the output of this guy, I wouldn't want to kill myself constantly.

I mean, isn't that on you?

Oh, it is, but I like to blame Sal.

I don't want to take it.

Well, I don't want spoiler alert, but even with the output, I'm already there.

Sal was almost in on the Key West trip.

I told him two days late he'd booked something two days earlier.

Oh, really?

I would have sure as shit gone.

It was bittersweet, yeah.

Talk about it a long time ago.

We haven't been to Key West together since early 2000s, right?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

God damn it.

Fantasy Fest.

We were there for your birthday.

It was like the first week of December, right?

Because the Christmas decorations were up

there in Key West, but it was ninety-five degrees.

Yeah.

That was when they pushed Fantasy Fest for a storm, right?

Right, yeah.

It stormed and then they pushed it.

Is Fantasy Fest like the Porno Expo?

It's not well, I wouldn't say porno.

It was more like a Mardi Gras.

Okay.

You know?

Yeah.

Like those like Hedonism two thousand or something like that?

It's a little bit like I saw it on HBO Real Sex.

Yeah.

You you could it would it would be a good subject for Real Sex.

Oh, it's that body, huh?

It's that body.

Oh, I've never seen more spray-painted penises in my life.

Well, it used to be when I went there with Mary Beth

in 2019, we were there during the weekdays, and there was no flashing.

It was an older crowd.

And when I mean older, I mean older than me, even.

So I think the weekends are maybe reserved for the younger people now.

That's when I don't like going on weekends.

Right.

It was too wild, and everybody's like really wasted and more wasted than even Q.

Was that when COVID around?

Because maybe there isn't it against the CDC's recommendations to flash during the pandemic?

I don't think that is part of the CDC guideline, but COVID wasn't around at that point.

It would still be another month or two.

I would fucking, I'd be on the anti-Fauci fucking parade if it was like, no boobs.

I'd be like, where are the corona nips?

Mary Beth was flashing.

She had two masks over her tips.

Yeah, but my one nip is vaccinated.

The other nip is in the sweetness.

So I am.

What's that?

Go ahead, Q.

No, no, I was going to ask right away.

I just, Walt, how excited are you for Suicide Squad?

Are you going to watch tonight?

What are you going to do?

I'm going to the theater to see it.

Yeah.

Yeah, I know it's on HBL Max, right?

Yes.

Yeah, but I want to see it on the big screen.

I have been a fan of Suicide Squad, the comic book, since the 80s.

I know it's not going to be the comic book version, but it looks so damn good that I cannot wait to see it.

And I heard nothing but great reviews.

I heard it's gory as fuck.

Which is not something that I'm into, but

at least I know it's going to be better than that first Abomination.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, James Gunn, man, he fucking just makes movies I like.

That's it.

I wish there was a Dead Shot in it.

Deadshot being my favorite Suicide Squad member.

I'm kind of bummed that there's no Deadshot, but Peacemaker looks like a good replacement, though.

Yeah, he does, man.

Yeah, I'm excited.

And they got Staro in it.

I never thought I'd see that fucking day.

I'm kind of bummed that that got leaked out, though.

Because that would have been amazing to be sit there and not think Starrow is going to appear and then have Starrow appear.

Yeah, because you never thought you'd see it.

Never.

Starrow.

Sal's not into comics.

Peripherally.

I was like a while back.

I mean, I love it.

it i i'll watch i'm gonna i can't wait to watch the movie but i'm not i don't have the uh encyclopedic

you like the mcu

yeah i do keep up on it yeah what's that you got where you watch all the shows all the streaming shows i i i i was for a while and then um i had feedback from him and a couple people that some were duds and i didn't see those and then the next ones were like oh you shouldn't see this without seeing that one then it kind of snowballed on me And so then I just was like, this is all too much for me.

I like bowed out.

But I've been like, I have Disney Plus, and I'm like, I'm going to watch that.

They put them in like chronological order.

And I'm like, I'm just going to run it.

I'm going to run the whole thing again.

You know what I mean?

But I think the streaming services, they demand it almost that you devote your life to it because it's like, you know, if you haven't seen it, people get right in your face.

You'd be like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Why haven't you seen it yet?

And it's so annoying, though, how the pressure that the people who love the show has put on everybody else to watch it immediately.

I should just pick up and watch the newest ones, but then I get in my head, like the same thing with wrestling, where I'm like, well, I don't want to be missing references and not understanding things that I should be understanding because I missed other movies.

So I put the brakes on, and then it becomes overwhelming.

And then, like, I shouldn't be walking around with this being a source of anxiety in my life.

The point is that anything can become a source of anxiety.

So, even right now, even the Marvel Cinematic Universe really gives me a run for my mental money.

Is it a long movie like

that four-hour Cut the Snyder cut type movie?

No,

it's probably two hours or less.

I feel like they're making movies longer and longer these days to the point where even I don't have the attention spent.

I like a nice 90-minute movie.

Everything you need to tell me you can fit into 90-minute movies.

What was the movie with Jared Leto where he played Suicide?

It was, right?

That's why I'm a little confused.

So they're just rebooting it.

It's kind of a sequel, right?

It's like a call.

They're calling it the Suicide Squad.

I thought they'd have like a subtitle, right?

They're calling it the Suicide Squad.

That's the only difference.

Why?

The addition of the...

So I watched that one, which is

DC.

This is DC we're talking about because you were talking about the MCU, which, of course, is the...

For the listeners, for the listeners, is the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

No, I watched that one, and I remember being like,

yeah, it wasn't that, you know, she was great.

She was a fucking killer.

I mean, there were parts to like about it.

Yeah.

I don't even hate the Joker as much as everybody else did.

Yeah, me.

It was kind of like, I was like, at least it's different.

I was like, it's different.

I'll take it at this point.

What is the public take on Jared Leto?

He's polarizing, yeah.

I think a lot of people hate his guts.

Why is that, though?

Why?

I don't know.

Is he pretentious?

Is it that commitment to the.

He's in that band.

I think the band has a lot to do with it.

What's the band?

Yeah.

Like Jared Leto and the Moondogs or some shit.

Oh, 30 Seconds to Mars.

Whatever.

Wrong celestial body completely.

So it's a matter of like the internet or people are like, stay in your lane, Jared Leto.

If you're either an actor or a musician, pick one.

I think we just live in the era where everybody has to have an opinion.

And for whatever reason, the Internet just decided they didn't like him.

Is it his intensity?

Is that when they say like, oh, even his when he did the Joker, they all had issues with him.

He was mailing it.

Oh, well, it turned out that wasn't true.

Oh, Oh, exactly.

Actually, you bring up a good point.

A lot of people hated him because he was like mailing dead rats to his co-stars and stuff.

And he was like going, what's that?

When the actor doesn't leave the world?

Method actor.

He was going method.

And people were like, well, he's just actually harassing his cast members.

The guy's a bit of a dick.

But it turns out that all of that was a PR story.

That he was like, I actually didn't do any of that.

They wanted to say that.

Awesome.

My face on him.

They said the producers come out and just like, hey, that was not real.

They didn't get his back.

And like,

no, no, wow.

You're on your own journey.

They're like, hold.

But they brought him back.

They brought him back for the Snyder Cut.

He was in that.

So, you know, maybe they're trying to make amends.

For whatever that was worth.

Yeah, because it seems like he's in a lot of, like, he gets praised a lot for the commitment he has to his movie roles, but I can't discern why he has that air of

people don't like him around them.

That stigma.

I don't know.

He was at Fight Club, right?

Yeah.

Angel Face.

Good enough for me.

What else do you need to know?

He's in Fight Club.

Yeah, Fight Club's dream.

I did a movie a couple months ago called The Little Things that I saw.

It was like with Denzel Washington and

the guy from Mr.

Robot

from Queen.

Oh, Malik, something like that.

Yeah, it was a movie about a serial killer.

And he played the serial killer.

Or,

you know, like they leave it a little ambiguous, but he was really good in it.

Yeah.

It was like strange.

Oh, wow.

Like, yeah, it was like

he definitely was captivating, like, on screen.

He played his weirdo, and it was like, he was really out there.

He was also,

he was also great in Requiem for a Dream.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, he played the dildo.

That's right.

Yeah.

Ass to ass.

Didn't he pay the guy that

killed

the Beatle?

What's his name?

John Lennon?

And he put on like 40 pounds to play him or something.

Mark David Chapman.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah, yeah.

Who's Hank Lenin?

Oh, he shot President Reagan from Jody Foster.

So many assassinations in the 80s are getting confused.

It was an awesome time.

So I hope me bringing Sal on didn't derail your plans for the show this week.

I really didn't have any plans.

So a surprise plan like Sal Volcano is just

what we're looking for.

We need to save this episode.

And actually, yeah, really.

Thanks, Sal.

It's an extra opinion, too.

My one-year anniversary is coming up.

And I've got to come up with an anniversary gift.

What's the type of every anniversary?

Haper.

Aper.

Oh, that's easy.

Give her a $100 bill.

Yeah, send her on away.

Take her on the archer.

Take a look, sister.

Get her, like, tickets somewhere.

You know, plane tickets.

Paper?

That's a good idea.

That's a hefty price tag.

I was going to say, write her a nice letter.

Oh, you know, you can.

Can you get her tickets a show.

I did recently just, she doesn't know this, but I just recently bought tickets for John 5 and Ingve Melmstein in New York.

So I'll just be like, oh, yeah, I got these for you.

Your work's already been done.

You got no work ahead to love.

I got them for you.

But if you want to do something more personal, though, like something that from the heart, why don't you just like YouTube some origami videos and just make her something beautiful out of paper, like all like of a million folds?

So you're speaking like an artist.

Not so do you.

My hands have tremors because of my medication.

How am I going to make origami shit?

Or go or just find someone on Etsy to make you something out of origami and then have it just get it mailed to you.

I could do that.

Or you know what?

I will say my first take on that, as romantic as it is, is that when you hand her a piece of origami for your anniversary, it is not going to go over well whether she tells you or not.

Really?

Why?

I just, I don't know, because I don't know.

I feel like origami has a ceiling, especially in the ways of a gift.

It has a what?

A ceiling.

I just feel, yeah,

I mean, don't get me wrong, this beautiful origami.

You bent it with your own fingers?

I don't know.

You know what?

I guess if someone gave me an origami gift, I would really be thankful.

But I think a part of me after that person left would be like, I don't really know what I'm going to do with this fucking origami.

You know, like,

how long are you obligated to keep it?

What is the shape?

Is it a geese?

Like, a goose?

What are you going to make?

I don't know if you've seen what they can do in 2021 with origami, but the shit is fucking spectacular.

It's like 3D printing now.

Okay, so we are.

Skilled fingers, you know, not his, but.

Yeah, I was going to say, so I'm going to learn this shit in 10 days.

But yeah, you could do some impressive, like, knock you on your ass shit, though.

You know, that could be this high, you know, like, you know, four foot high origami sculpture.

You know what I could do?

Okay.

I'll write a suicide letter, right?

I'll leave it where she can find it, and then I'll hide out for like eight hours, and then suddenly I'll be like, surprise, I didn't do it.

It's the greatest gift of all.

I'm back.

Go back, baby.

She was already trying to crack this safe.

Yeah,

stick with the hundred bucks.

Get a tickets.

Get a tickets.

Tickets to something.

Not a bad idea.

Yeah.

Easy out.

I think you lead with a joke paper gift, though, because it's ripe for it.

Like we're getting

a ream of like thick stock printer paper or something and just be like, this is a last month's.

This is the good stuff.

I had a, well,

I showed, maybe you could inform Sal because

I didn't know how to explain it to him.

Because I showed him the skateboard deck that you had made for the Patreon $100 tier.

$60.

Oh, 60.

Okay.

Look at Sal's face just George's hit the floor.

He's about to join Patreon.

I couldn't even believe the $100 tier got it.

I looked at him and I was like, you get this?

It costs that on its own, probably.

And now it's $60.

I mean, wow, what a deal.

Well, it's times three.

You got to stay in that tier for three months.

So it's a 180.

Okay.

But then you get other stuff, too.

You get dog tags, you get a canvas poster, and you got the skateboard deck.

It's the deal of a lifetime.

It is.

I was so impressed.

He was blown away.

But he was asking questions about how it works.

And I was like, I actually don't know.

I go, Walt's so good at this stuff.

Like, I just see awesome products get made.

And, like, the lamp up there is one.

And I'm just like,

I don't know.

So, how far in advance do you have to?

Are you, Sal was concerned that you're working around the clock on?

I am, Sal.

Okay, that's another thing that gave me, before I even saw you today, it gave me so much anxiety.

I was upstairs and I go, are you kidding?

He's on the clock every time he does one to come up with another one and top himself and make it this quality?

And he said, yeah.

And I said, that sounds like a mental prison, man.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

There's a lot of pressure put upon myself to come up with new innovative

ideas that don't duplicate what you've done now going on three years trying to do something different for three straight years.

Oh yeah, it's only going to get harder.

Yeah.

But I have to do it probably about five months out

before I need it.

Almost half a year out.

Always working.

That's why it's like

you can't do it within America.

I hate to say it.

It pains me to say it.

It almost kills me to say it.

But

if I wanted to get a skateboard deck made in America, they would just be farming it out to China.

I'd be paying that middleman.

Oh, is that right?

That's what I found when everywhere I looked in America to get a skateboard, like a custom deck made, it looked like it was, you know, the amount of time they value it.

It's going to source it?

Yeah.

Wow, that is so deceitful.

I mean, it's kind of obvious when you look at

their,

you know, their, what's it called?

Their defined line or how long it's going to take and everything.

And you realize, well, it's going to take that long because they're getting it from China too and it's got to ship in.

But, you know, I mean, that's, I mean, everything's made over there now.

You can't, it's almost impossible not to

have to deal with overseas suppliers at this point.

It sucks.

Wow.

You know, that was what that's what happened to us in the 70s when our politicians sold us out.

So it's not our fault.

Yeah, Sal immediately started doing ollies and half-pipe stuff.

Oh, you got wheels on it?

No.

Yeah, you guys

have decks, man.

You guys would clean up with them.

No, we wouldn't clean up with anything.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Well, Tenderloin decks.

Tenderloin's decks, yeah.

Yeah, Tenderloin's decks.

But you, but, but, like, he, but, like, the artwork on it we should put that on a t-shirt that artwork's too good to just have on a skateboard yeah i did that artwork i think it came out like trying to ape jack kirby big time and still make it look like you and make it look like bry but bry's basically bry's just odin though i just grabbed the odin picture and uh

i mean as long as you got a beard you could do anything to bry and you're everybody gonna know it's bry because of the beard so that's the easy way out and if you notice me i i just i just put extra big teeth but but there's nothing i have a helmet on so you you can't tell it's me either.

You're really the only one that looks even closely like you do in real life, though.

Yeah.

Thank you for that.

Yeah.

Yeah, and it's fun, though.

I mean, it is,

like I said, it is a lot of planning.

I mean,

we got an 8-track

cassette.

Is that what it's called?

8-track tape.

8-track tape.

Yeah, we put a podcast exclusively on an 8-track.

That's going to be going out soon.

Oh, you.

That is the coolest idea I've ever heard.

That's like, because I get vinyl, we love the vinyl, but I I never heard anyone.

Who even does that?

I know you could do that.

I found it in America.

American-owned.

America-made.

Yep.

I found

a husband and wife team who made Dolly Parton's Christmas album.

That was their acclaim to fame on their website that they put on there.

We made the Dolly Parton Christmas album.

I guess it came out rather recently on 8-track.

I guess she did the same thing, kind of like a kitschy kind of like...

you know, thing, a retro thing for her fan base.

And

so now on their website, hopefully they'll add, we did did the Tellum Steve Dave A-Track as well underneath the Dolly Parton Center.

Is the idea that it's just a really cool collectible and aesthetically, because like what percentage of people will be able to use it?

I'm guessing 99.9 will not be able to listen to it.

All right, let me just tell you something.

Just turn the mics down for the listeners.

Just leave it blank.

Just leave it blank.

Just get old A-Track tapes and stickers and just call it a day.

I wanted to tell you, both you guys are looking really really good.

I mean really good.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Do you guys working out?

I know you're talking about getting a trainer, Q.

Have you gotten it?

I've had a trainer.

I just, my thing is like, I will do it for like a month and then I won't do it for a month.

But now I'm dealing with that nerve issue.

I'm taking the MRIs and stuff, so I can't work out right now.

So I'm just trying to not eat like a fat fuck all the time.

I love you so much because I'm in the worst shape of my entire life.

Really?

He looks good, doesn't he?

Yeah, they both look good.

Yeah.

You know, it is.

I think the table here is cutting me off from the tits down.

Well, thank you.

That actually made me feel good because I've not been feeling good lately.

Hey, this is just a therapy session for me today, huh?

If I wanted to let you know, Q, I know you were worried about Giddam a couple episodes ago about him not taking care of himself.

I want to give you the update that

Giddam had a heart attack.

He's not with us anymore.

No, No, no.

But Giddam, myself, and my wife are walking now two hours at a clip three times a week.

Wait.

Yes.

Giddam.

Yes.

There's so many things to parse here.

The three of you together are walking?

Yeah.

We now meet.

You're holding hands?

Well,

not physically, but

spiritually.

I try to goad him to keep up with us.

How are Debbie and Giddam?

How's

that two-hour interaction going?

It's been really good.

I told him, you know, to kind of like turn it down a little bit, you know, keep the information that you want to relay to like, you know, the most important information that has to be relayed.

I don't want to speak to another human being like that.

You have to teach him.

It's like you're programming him.

He needs it.

He fucking needs it.

Oh, but that is good news.

Yeah, he's really been doing good, though, too.

He's been, like, we went out tonight before we got here.

It was brutally brutally hot.

We're on a black top five-mile walk.

He did great.

He looked like he jumped in a pool, but that's what he needs.

Now, where do you go?

Is it along the trail here?

We've been going different places.

We've been going to Matasquan Reservoir.

We've been going to Thompson Park over by Brookdale.

And

he's been doing good.

And

what's that?

You keep a certain pace, like you're actually kind of walking, walking, or is it just a stroll?

Yeah, we don't keep a pace that like where we feel like we'll put him at a disadvantage or he'll say I have to stop.

So we let him kind of keep the pace.

But

it's so funny the thing that you said, you're like, you had so much to parse there.

The next day after our first walk, Giddam was like, when I got to the store, he was like, he couldn't stop like pressuring me for, so what'd your wife think of me?

So what you think?

What you think after, like, when you got home, what'd you say about me in the car?

And I was like, nothing.

She's just happy to just go out and be for a walk.

You know, he was so self-conscious.

I guess because I told him, you know, you don't need to tell her.

You don't need need to tell her every single thing about yourself in the first two-hour walk.

But really, what is her thoughts on him?

The only thing she said was, maybe the next time we walk, we can go somewhere where he hasn't been before, and this way he doesn't have to tell us every single thing that's ever happened to him on the way there.

I found a sweet tour on the side of the road here once, he said.

I got my hair.

Swim with the tour, guys.

At the reservoir.

Yeah, but no, I thought

you'd appreciate it.

I am really happy.

Yeah, and

he went out and brought five pairs of sneakers so he could figure out which pair will work the best for him.

You know, when I was talking to him yesterday, he was like, hey, you see all these boxes?

I said, yeah,

the new balance boxes.

He goes, yeah, testing out some new walk-in shoes.

And I don't know why I didn't press further, probably because I was afraid of what he might say.

I didn't know that he was part of this new little walk-in club.

Well, the thing that got to me that really made me feel bad was when when we were talking to him on our last podcast at the store, and you were pressing him about getting healthy and go for walks.

And he said, well, I don't like to go for walks because I have nobody to walk with.

And that kind of really made me feel bad.

So I said to him, you're more than welcome to walk with us

anytime you want.

And, you know, don't feel like you're going to be a third wheel because you're not.

Let's do this.

And to his credit, he jumped into it immediately, and he's been super gung-ho about it.

Wow.

Cool.

It's probably going to help massively.

I would think so.

Like if he keeps it up, yeah, of course.

That's great.

Oh, that makes me really happy.

That's the only thing.

That's the one thing I keep telling him because I'm sure he's going to be like, I want immediate results.

I'm going to be like, it can't hurt.

I don't know if you're going to get immediate results.

It may take a while before you start to see any kind of changes, but hopefully he won't get disillusioned.

You got to credit him, too, like being thrown into a five-mile walk.

That's not like...

That takes a bit, especially in the heat.

Yeah.

To walk two hours into the fucking heat.

He did it.

And like I said, he didn't look that great

at the end.

Or at the beginning, really, I guess.

But I think as he keeps up with it, though, he's going to get stronger and stronger.

And then

before you know it, he'll be back to the old giddy that we remember or that we saw online.

Skinny as a rail giddeman.

Great.

Oh, good job, Walt.

The five pairs of sneakers was jarring to me.

But he doesn't do anything easy.

Yeah, well, it just seems like, because if you're going to walk in each pair two hours to test each one out, then you can't return any of them.

And then he's going to settle on one pair and just have four extra pairs.

You know, like that's the way he lives his life.

I think he's putting them out, though, by walking around the room that these guys sit in, which is like literally a 10 by 12 room.

Oh, okay.

I told you meant he was going to put them on, try it for one of the two-hour walks, say, yes, yay, or nay.

Okay, gotcha.

And he's one of those guys who look up every review of a New Balance sneaker, like on the New Balance website, on the Amazon website, on a Reddit board.

And he's just spending hours reading about sneakers to go on one walk.

He hasn't walked in 15 years, but now he's going to do every bit of education on a pair of sneakers, though.

Sounds like me.

There's a part of me in there that that's definitely me.

So I'm glad you're here because I have to ask somebody that you're legitimately one of the nicest people I know.

So I need to know,

as they say on Reddit, like AITA, like, am I the asshole in this particular situation?

Okay.

Okay, I have a FedEx, right, that I need to send out.

It's already, I have the label on, it's all ready to go.

I go to Walgreens to drop it off.

It's already ready to go?

Ready to go.

What are you, some type of asshole?

So I bring it in.

There's a guy behind the counter.

There's a lady behind the counter.

And there's like a short line of like two people.

So I just said to the guy, I was like, hey, I got a FedEx.

Can I drop this here?

And he goes, oh, there's a line.

I said, okay.

I was like, it's already taken care of, though, the labels on it and everything.

He goes, well, I have to give you a receipt.

The guy obviously wanted me to get in line.

So I was like, all right, I guess I'm standing in line.

So I go stand in line.

It's rather quick.

It's like less than three minutes.

The lady calls me over and she does the FedEx thing.

And then she goes, okay, we're all set.

No fucking receipt.

And I said, I said, whoa, whoa, wait a second.

I said, I thought I had to get a receipt.

Isn't that what he just said?

Now, this guy's now dealing with a woman customer, a female customer.

He's not looking over at me.

And I said, hey, dude, did you hear the good news?

You don't need a fucking receipt.

He would not look over at me.

But I was so fucking annoyed in the moment.

I was like, that little cocksucker.

Did you say that?

Hey, did you hear the good news?

Oh, yeah.

You said that?

See,

oh man, that's great.

I wish I could do that.

I probably would chicken out from being that aggressive.

Did you say

you don't need a fucking receipt?

Yeah, that's what I said.

I didn't think he was on the fucking receipt.

No, I don't think you're an asshole.

No, that's not the one.

I don't think you're the asshole, no, because he was the ass-hole.

That's what I thought, too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Of course you did.

You kind of sea-line them, dude.

That was good.

You didn't get all worked up?

No, I went in line like I was told but then yeah bit him

he he could have played it better i probably know where he's coming from he probably deals with people all day swinging the door open when this how he's helping someone and going hey but he probably deals with that all day but there is also like a way to handle it and also if in a per in a case like yours where it's ready to go you don't need anything you just drop it here it's kind of like hey can i yeah no problem and then just keep going so i feel like there's probably people that do it way more egregious than you i think yours was probably normal but he was probably in it he didn't handle it right and he was in a bad mood I think he's wrong.

Like if

people are coming in and dropping off FedEx shit to me, I wouldn't want to deal with any of them.

I'm like, yep, just pile it up over there, and then I'll just

scan it in as the day goes on.

Whatever.

What I want to know is, how did you know Walgreens, because this is a new thing that I discovered, that Walgreens is a FedEx place and you could ship things to FedEx.

So I just Google.

Yeah, because

to me, this makes no sense to me.

My daughter ordered something and instead of having it shipped to the house, she said she had to ship to Walgreens.

And I was like, why?

And she goes, I don't know.

It's just easier.

And I'm like, how is it easier than a house?

I go, what happens when it gets to Walgreens?

And someone's like, and you go there and you're like, hey, I'm here to pick up a package.

And they're like, we don't have your package.

What's to stop the person at Walgreens who work, that girl who's working for five bucks an hour to be like, oh, I'm going to take this package home.

No, no, no.

The asshole who told me to stand in line.

Not the girl.

I don't get it.

Yeah.

Why, why, what does Walgreens get out of being this like?

The depot?

They must make a couple bucks off of it.

Okay.

They must.

This was all news to me.

I didn't know you could pick shit up there.

I'm so suspicious.

I would never have

something of value shipped to just a Walgreens.

I couldn't drop it, though, if I were you.

I'd be like, no, explain to me.

How is it easier?

I can't let go of it.

Well, what was her response?

Because I still don't understand why she thinks it's easier.

It was cheaper.

She said it was easier.

And then she says, well, it's also cheaper

if I pay shipping to a retail.

address rather than a home address.

I was like, how much cheaper?

$2.

I was being like, I would have given you $2.

I don't think you're ever going to get this package.

She went down there.

And she got tracking on the package, says, Was that Walgreens?

Went down there.

Well, we don't know what you're talking about.

You'll have to come back when a manager's here.

I go, see, it's not easy.

This is not easier.

Right.

Would have been easier just to have it at our house.

Yeah.

I had a package delivered at a subway nearby, like Stay Fresh Subway.

And I went in

because it was an Amazon drop-off spot over by Farrell.

The subway was an Amazon drop?

Yeah, the one over by the school.

And they were like, well, we can't ship it to your house.

I don't even remember what it was, but we could ship it to the subway.

So, I had to go up there to get it.

And the guy was like, He couldn't find it, but I was looking right at it, and I had to say, No, no, no, that's it.

Like, keep walking past it.

So, they don't know what the fuck they're doing, but they definitely have the guy who makes sandwiches.

Yeah, he was he was the Amazon guy and Kohl's on Saturn Island.

He stopped from making some of them sick and tuna sub to get your mail, yeah.

It doesn't make any sense.

I mean,

if I was a subway guy,

what is this shit?

Make my sandwich.

Yeah, get me my $5 foot long.

Leave the fucking guy alone.

But yeah, it's happened.

So there's some deal in place for all this stuff.

Yeah, like Staples is another one.

Yeah, yeah.

I wonder what these companies are getting out of being.

Because all they're getting is hassle.

When somebody like you walks in, it's like, hey, guess what?

I want my fucking package.

And it's, you know, and they're like, what do you mean it's not here?

Because

it's problems.

I got a sandwich while I was there, so maybe it was like,

yeah, well, I'm here, I might as well.

It's been a while since I had Subway and how did that work out?

Delicious.

Delicious.

He got molested by Jared.

Well, did you hear the news?

I heard that Subway had to admit that they don't serve real bread.

It was tuna, I thought.

No, also tuna, but now

on the heels of tuna.

It's not in America, though.

It's in a UK country because it like it doesn't qualify as bread it's it's scotland it's sugar

it's more sugar than bread yeah there's more sugar in it than like yeast or fucking holy shit are you sure that's not in america too hold on i'll check it out

yeah it wasn't real tuna but then they came back and said no you can't test tuna that way because when you break it down or cook it or whatever it loses certain uh components and then people were like no it's still not tuna.

I don't know what it is.

Oh, here it is.

Oh, I've been seeing it for years.

Oh, it's Ireland.

Ireland.

It says that the sugar content exceeds the stipulated limit, and they should thus be classified as confectionery.

So it's in the same class as like a fucking candy bar.

Easter bread.

Remember Easter bread?

Did you ever have that?

No, what is that?

It's like bread that they would cook in the shape of a cross, but they would put eggs in it.

Did you ever see this?

No.

You saw it all, right?

Like my mother used to make it.

I haven't seen it in decades.

Yeah, it's like they make bread in the shape of a cross, but they would put eggs, not full eggs, but the shells in it and cook it.

So you would get like cooked eggs in it that you could eat.

So hard-boiled eggs?

Yeah, yeah, but they would cook

in the oven, and then

you could Easter egg them and then put them in the bread so they look like, you know, like blue or red or pink.

And then my mother would put like a honey glaze over it and then sprinkles on it.

And it was like Easter bread.

This is the body of Christ.

Yes.

Like the hard shell of the egg was just like housed inside the dough of the bread.

Yeah.

So you would essentially pull out a full hard egg out of the bread.

Correct.

And then there would be like that divot, and then you'd eat the bread as bread, and then you'd crack open the egg and eat it as a hard egg.

Yeah, I never ate the egg, but I'm guessing that's what it was for.

Yeah.

Seems peculiar.

Yeah, but it was very sweet because of all the glazing, the honey on top.

Confectionery.

I never even heard of it.

I'm calf.

I'll have Carol Quinn whip you up some.

He's just coming.

It just sounds funny.

Like, bread in the shape of a cross is already a little bit left of center, and then there's hard-boiled eggs in them.

It just seems like someone would set it down on the table and be like,

Could you go to someone's house with that?

Like, ding-dong, I made the bread.

Bread in the shape of a cross with hard-boiled eggs in it.

It was a staple in my family, so I think it was like

only around Easter.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Nightly.

I feel like I would pound a full cross, like a full Easter bread, and it feels so like

I ate all the eggs, all the bread.

You know what else is sweet, man?

Uh-oh, sounds like an ad.

This is sad voice.

I think I'm going to talk about Miundis or something.

Do you wear Miundis, Sal?

No, I should.

Cue, how could you have turned them on to this?

They're the best.

I got them on right now.

I know Walt does because he was pantsless earlier.

Miundis believes comfort does not start with imagining, but instead...

What the fuck?

You hear this shit.

Myundis believes comfort does not start with imagining, but instead it starts with actual comfort.

And that's why they make the softest undies in fun prints to help you

feel comfortable at your core.

So you can feel like you can take on anything.

No half-naked room necessary.

I don't know what that means.

Miundis are designed to be the softest thing on Dare We Say It This Planet.

Baby bottoms, we talked about this last time.

A little baby ass action.

Yeah, they're old news.

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Sal, they offer different cuts because they just get it.

Everybody has different butts.

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You know, I like a girl in a nice bralette.

Speaking of butts, having different butts, I remember there was a guy in the 80s that could read butts like people Rick Palm read.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, he would always want to do women.

He could read their butts and see their future and stuff.

That sounds like a genius scam.

Me too.

I could do this.

But only the smoothest, tautest butts can I see the future.

Male or female?

It's important.

An old older.

I can only read.

I can only read female Dominican butts.

I do it well.

Would an old ass be easier to read?

Because it has so many lines, incredible.

There's so many lifelines on that Derry Air.

You know, so much life has been led.

Yeah, but that just means it's almost over.

It's going to be so much harder to read.

It's going to be a nightmare.

Yeah, like a baby.

You can't get anything out of that.

Baby butt's got nothing to say.

Well, something will be harder, but it won't be that won't be reading the book.

Some 20-year-old hot chick isn't led any kind of life that you can read, you know, and get any kind of like

reading off that, you know, those cheeks?

No, you can read the future.

I was at Fantasies recently, Walt, and I was reading the future left and right.

It was beautiful.

You know, we went to Fantasies?

You remember Fantasies?

On 36, on Route 36,

across from

the, what's it?

Perkins.

Perkins, where we used to be.

When we used to go to Perkins all the time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's still open.

Yeah, I remember that place.

I do remember that place, actually.

We've been there, yeah, yeah.

We went one time, we went, yeah, I do remember it, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's still there, it's still there, and it's still exactly the same, dude.

It's crazy, really, yeah, yeah, it's awesome.

Yeah, we went a long time ago.

I remember that.

I mean, this now has to be, it has to be over 15, like 15 years, without a doubt, yeah, yeah.

It still looks the same.

We live in an area, I would have to venture to say that that's been there since the 80s.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, it's been there for like 40 years,

Beautiful.

And some of the original women are still there, I believe.

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Now, Sal, if this comedy thing, I know it's touch and go.

It doesn't seem, you know, I'm not sure if it's working out for you.

So if not, you can go into the sciences of rumpology.

Rumpology or automatic.

Oh, that's what it's called?

A pseudoscience akin to physi...

I can't pronounce that word.

Performed by examining crevices, dimples, warts, moles, and folds of a person's buttocks.

in much the same way a chirologist would read the palm of a hand.

I don't know if I'm pronouncing that correctly either.

So you could become a rumpologist.

Wow.

Is that truly a real profession that people do?

I mean, it says pseudoscience, so I'm going to go ahead and say there's not many accredited schools that are teaching it.

Sure.

But I mean,

you think you can locate a rumpologist online right now?

Like you could literally locate one?

Like someone

who posts that

as their profession for hire?

Because I mean,

you got to get a rumpologist on the show and we'll get readings, no?

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

You're fucking amazing.

Here's how you know it's legit.

Jackie Stallone claimed that rumpology is known to have been practiced in ancient times by the Babylonians,

the Indians, and the ancient Greeks and Romans, although she provides no evidence for this claim.

Why is the point of reference Jackie Stallone?

It says she's been largely responsible for the supposed revival of rumpology in modern times.

What?

Frank and Sylvester's mom's claim to fame is that she put over rombology.

It appears that way.

It says in addition to rompology.

Is she still alive, that old one?

I think so.

God bless her.

Hold on, let's see.

The guy I saw was so good.

She died in 2020.

That

he was able to read the butts through jeans.

Was he blind?

I don't know if he was blind.

I remember seeing it on TV, like on That's Incredible or Real People or something.

Oh, he would feel it and read it?

Yeah, he would feel it.

He put his hand on it, and of course the crowd giggled, you know, like, ooh-hoo-hoo.

But, you know, and then he would, like, he would say, you know, that

give the profession they were in and what their future was, and some other like random shit that made the person who had their butt felt, you know, kind of be like, oh my god, he's right.

But through genes, though, that's the best.

That's the goat of rumpology, right there, though.

He doesn't need to feel the skin on skin.

Yeah, he's like, this isn't going to get weird.

Don't worry.

You can keep those on.

This is above board.

Yeah, they're different.

There's a blind

German clairvoyant and rumpologist, Ulf Beck.

He claims he can read people's futures by feeling their naked buttocks.

Jackie Stallone, before she died, would perform buttock readings using email digital photographs.

Who

is paying?

I mean, what a scam.

What a fucking scam.

If I could.

I didn't see going home to his mom's house, bringing his wife or company there, and he opens the door.

He's like, oh, fuck, she's reading the butts on the computer again.

sorry look at this one

yeah

i don't know man i don't see the point of doing it over the jeans like if you're gonna get into this game like get into it well i mean just to be on tv he wanted to show how good i mean he couldn't you know they couldn't pull a bear ass out on on 80s tv so they had to uh do it over the jeans

but i'm sure that you bet you get more accurate readings if you've got some uh some flesh in front of you that you can touch.

Sal, that isn't where the conversation ended in the Stallone house.

Jackie Stallone claimed to predict the outcome of the presidential elections and Oscar Awards by reading the bottoms of her two pet Doberman pinchers.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, wow.

I mean, if true, it's a gift.

Dogs give you that information, though.

How?

How?

I get it because everything in the universe is connected, right?

Like, matter is neither created nor destroyed, and that dog's rump a billion years ago was an asteroid.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, so really, the whole universe is kind of connected to each other from one way or another.

So, you could kind of, if you can figure out how to read that one piece of a rump, you could figure out how to read the whole universe.

I'm going to start doing it on my dog tonight.

Yeah, let me know how it goes.

So, not your wife.

I want to know who's going to win the Oscars next year.

I've been touching hers for, what, almost 30 years.

I haven't fucking known any.

I didn't

expect any information about the Oscars.

I'm more clueless about her life than ever.

If I were touching Cooper's ass, maybe I wouldn't have to sweat that Super Bowl victory if I had Tom Brady last year.

I would have known he had it in the bag.

You could have put money on it.

Yeah.

Well, you should have known already, Walt.

Tom Brady.

I'm a true fan, should I?

Yeah, I shouldn't have had any clue.

So you think the person who claims they're a rhombologist, you think, so obviously I feel like there's cynical motives there, but they have to wade through all the horrible asses just

to read an occasional good ass that means that much to them.

But isn't that just like a proctologist, though?

You get that really nice

butthole to check out every and maybe once every month.

It's the rest of the time, the rest of the month you're just wading through the worst imaginable hellish existence on the planet.

But at least that's the credit doctor that went to school.

We just made a blanket claim that every proctologist is secretly just a sex pest.

I went through eight years of school and $250,000 in student loans so that one out of every 14 assholes is great.

You're telling me you like to believe, you live in the Oz planet, that if Donna Dixon walks into the office,

you know,

I know Donna Dixon, she was on Bosom Buddy, she was, you know, she was the hot.

I mean, Jesus.

A 20-year-old reference without even a blink.

Oh,

I know who she is.

That was an amazing.

I mean, if you would have said like Joyce DeWitt, it was as old as Janice Dickinson.

But are you going to sit there and think that the doctor who's going to has to examine her, it's the same exact one?

The needle doesn't move a little bit.

The thoughts are still the same exact.

Come on.

I don't think it's possible.

They're not robots.

I think that about old doctors orbiting that kind of those areas, you know, like

how do you, you're a human being.

If you get Donna Dixon's hole right in front of you, you're going to act like a human being.

It only happens once every year.

Was she on bosom buddies?

Like the rest of the time, this guy's like me being like, it's my turn.

Well, I was about boss and buddies.

She was on bosom buddies?

Who?

Donna Dixon?

She was, yeah.

She was the blonde that

Tom Hanks was into.

I can picture like a

productologist who's fallen from grace and he's he's years later and he's telling someone the story.

It's like everything was great until Donna Dixon's hole walked in.

Could you imagine you're the doctor who gets to work on Donna Dixon's like sweet Derier and then you gotta go home and maybe your wife isn't up to Donna Dixon levels?

Like do you think it affects your marriage a little bit?

You're like, oh man.

I just hope that this

podcast somehow pings someone in Donna Dixon's corporate

and she finds out that a very popular podcast was talking about her asshole in the year 2021.

Because I'm sure it's been a while since someone talked about it.

She's like, for 2011.

You were on my favorite podcast.

Yeah, they mentioned you by name.

Well, what are they talking about?

Specifically, your asshole.

I would venture to say that no one has ever really spoken in a group setting about Donna Dixon's asshole.

Oh, get the hell out of here.

You think that they had just full-on conversations about that specific part, though, yeah?

When it was in the heyday, when it was like on ABC on Tuesday nights?

Guess what?

She was like a smoke show in the 80s.

You don't think our dads when they went to work weren't being like, what I wouldn't do to Donna Dixon's butthole?

I suppose you're probably probably right, actually, right?

I mean, I hope so.

Yeah.

My father wouldn't have let up around the dinner table.

He must have talked about it before.

He would have given thanks.

He would have said God's old hands.

Thank you for this bounty that we were about to receive.

Also, just a quick asterisk, Donna Dixon's butthole.

You did some great work there, Darth Doltze.

Hey, a nice rump is a really powerful thing like i i've gotten roped into like a year-long relationship just because of a great ass you know i didn't want to be there the whole time and every time she would turn around i'd be like ah fuck that's why i'm here that's right i hear that

i hear that yeah rumpology rumpology this guy says that a person uh

uh an apple-shaped muscular bottom indicates someone who is charismatic dynamic very confident and often creative a person who enjoys life whereas a pear-shaped bottom suggests some very steadfast and patient and down to earth Now, is this both male and female?

I think so.

Because I think I have more of a pear than an apple.

Think you're more of a pear?

Apple bottom?

Yeah, you had the apple bottom ass, though.

Yeah, that's what that.

I just said that, though.

I'm not really sure, though.

I mean, actually, it should be just flat and fucking unremarkable.

What kind of ass does that go have?

Flat bottom suggests the person is rather vain and negative and sad.

There you go.

Wow, we're going to be able to do that.

It seems so easy that the

better-looking ass equates to the better type of person.

Yeah, like happier, more flat.

I mean, you tell me there's not a

there's not a flat ass walking around that has the traits of the Apple ass.

That's it.

Your ticket is, your story's written.

I mean, you're already down in the dumps because your ass is flat.

That could be.

Like, yeah, if you have a saggy ass or a lot of cellulite or you're just unhappy with it, yeah, you might be negative and sad where you're like, fuck it, what's the point?

You know, whereas, like, you got a nice, fine, fucking apple bottom like Walt Flanagan.

Yeah, but, like, you're, you know, it doesn't sound like they're talking about males, though.

It sounds like they're really talking about females, though.

You're telling me there's no saggy-ass life of the party out there?

I don't know.

You might have to ask.

I don't know.

Should I talk about Clerks 3?

That I went in and did it?

Or Kevin, you'd think probably wouldn't.

I mean, probably if you don't give away too much inside info.

Yeah,

I do want to say, I got to shoot a little bit in Clerks 3 the other day, and it was fucking something seeing Jeff and Brian back in the characters again.

It was really kind of cool, man.

I'm looking forward to it.

It's not disturbing

seeing everyone have aged since you saw them in Clerks in 94.

No, it's interesting.

Especially having read the script and knowing where it goes and the point of the script and stuff like that.

But it was kind of cool seeing those two guys back in action, man.

I haven't seen Jeff in 15 years.

Easy.

Yeah, I don't think I've seen Jeff

since the Clarks 2 premiere.

That would have been like 2006.

2006, I was like, Wow.

Or eight.

But I will say this: there's great anticipation on the set for when you two get to show up and do your thing.

A lot of people are excited about it.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

People were asked me if you were coming down that day.

I was like, no, no, they're in different scenes.

So there's a, I think you guys are going to be greeted like royalty when you get to the set.

Fucking better be, man.

Some respect.

Yeah.

I haven't been to Quickstop since the early 90s.

No.

I've had no reason to go.

Like when Kevin stopped working there, I stopped having a reason to go there.

So that would have been like 94?

Oh, easy.

Yeah, somewhere around there.

But we were just there.

I know we weren't at the store, but we were like within 50 feet of it the other week when we shot that thing.

You didn't go in just to go to Slim Jim?

No.

Wow.

No, I figured I would see it when

we shoot stuff.

How was the set?

I went to get a COVID test because I'm supposed to do something tomorrow.

There was a lot with crew parking that had to have a fucking 150 cars in it.

Like, is the production massive?

It's a movie.

It's not like it.

Yeah, it's a movie.

It's pretty big.

I don't know why I thought that it would be kept small, like sort of like a core crew.

I don't know why I thought that.

Maybe because the store is so little.

I didn't notice it seeming that small to me.

It seemed like I was on a movie set.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But it was good.

It was good.

It was good to see the guys.

It's good to see Muse, Jordan, everybody.

It was fun.

You had fun doing it?

Yeah, I'm trying to pump up a little Clerk's three for everybody.

I want people excited for it.

Yeah, yeah, that's all.

Yeah, I'm supposed to do something tomorrow.

I'm not exactly sure what, though.

Okay.

All right.

I know.

I'm going to hold it.

I'm going to walk in there like

the prodigal son returns.

So I hope fucking people give me the respect that you were just fucking saying because I'm going to look like an asshole.

Don't even worry for a second, man.

They were asking.

Did you get a COVID test?

I saw Ghiddam posted something about masks being required in New Jersey again.

That's the rumbling.

I know that

I don't know about where you guys are.

I don't know if it's New York City or if it's all of New York.

That you guys can't go into a restaurant without a COVID test coming up soon.

Not yet, but very soon, right?

That the mask and...

You need proof of vaccination to eat indoors now, and they're mandating masks until that kicks in, I believe.

Yeah.

So I told Mary Beth she didn't want to get the shot at first.

She didn't want to get the vaccination.

I said, what's going to happen is we're going to not be able to do shit eventually, whether that's like flying or going into hotels or restaurants.

Like eventually that's going to happen.

So she got it, and here you go.

Oh, she did get it.

Yeah, she did get it.

How'd she handle it?

I thought you said she's very scared of needles.

She got the Johnson ⁇ Johnson since it was only one.

And they, we went to, it was a different Walgreens.

We they took her into this little booth with a door that's shut, and they gave you a shot.

They picked up your package while you were there?

Yeah,

like, we don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

And the Walgreens is really branching out.

Yeah, they pick up your package, get inoculated, you know, all that stuff.

Yeah, they gave, she got the shot, and she had to sit down for a good 15 minutes after that, just so she didn't pass out.

She was that like

worked up and like the anxiety was that

palpable.

Dude, you don't want to know when she got her appendix out and like they had to give her the IV, I was like, they're going to have to fucking dart her from across the room and sedate her.

Like, she would, she just, it's a phobia, I guess.

Like, something I can't understand.

Like, I don't like getting fucking shots and needles either.

But on this level, like, screaming and crying and shit.

Isn't her father a doctor?

Yeah.

Well, I think it's her mother who put the fear into her because her mother's the same way.

And her mother's a pharmacist.

Really?

Yeah, that must be

unusual, though, to grow up in a very

medical

heavy family and then have those kind of things.

Yeah, so she got it.

Good.

I don't know, man.

We don't like to talk politics anymore in this show and stuff like that.

We kind of left that behind, but I just fucking wish everybody would just get vaccinated early.

Didn't get fucked up, though, that

being like, hey, did you get a vaccination?

Is political?

Isn't that fucking up?

I know, I know, but it is.

It is, unfortunately, and I just fucking wish everybody would get it, man.

Go on, you fucking liberal cuck.

Get your fucking vaccination.

All right, I guess so.

I think the FDA is supposed to approve at least one of them

in the next month or something like that.

And they're hoping that spikes the.

What, approve a new another vaccine?

No, no, to actually like fully approve.

No, they're not fully approved.

I got you.

I got you.

I mean, yeah.

I mean, you don't, I wonder, like,

if the entire country would be doing better if everybody got vaccinated, and I know I'm going to catch hit for it.

You know what?

Let me just fucking not.

But isn't it almost like isn't it almost like a patriotic duty to get it then?

Like,

if it's going to benefit the country at large, like.

If you're a patriot, you're a piece of shit.

Don't you know that?

That's the flip side of the coin.

Oh, okay.

I get it.

All right.

Yeah, I shouldn't have brought it up.

Forget it.

Let's just move on.

Let's talk about Janet Weaver.

Somebody's asshole again.

I know.

I'm sorry.

I apologize.

I'm sorry.

Do you think Donna Dixon has the

what is she up to now?

What's the last thing she did?

Like the shot, administered only in arms, not in buttocks, right?

Right.

Okay.

So even those guys don't even get that thrill.

Yeah, it's just a regular old arm.

Unless it's a really sexy arm.

Oh, shit.

She's still.

Oh, that's 1990.

I was about to to say she still looks fucking great.

I think she married Dan Aykroyd, right?

Yeah, she did.

According to

you, yeah.

She left Paul Stanley to marry Dan Aykroyd.

Oh, she's still married to Dan Aykroyd today.

Yeah.

Oh, we had no idea who we were speaking of.

A fucking course Dan Aykroyd gets the finest ass.

Of course.

Can you imagine that lump of dough stole a rock star's chick?

Can you imagine that, though?

Paul Stanley in 1982.

Yeah.

Hard-ass body.

Hard-ass body, man.

There's no denying it.

I don't care how

you are.

You are going to look at that body and be like, damn.

I'd love to be his rumpologist.

He was at his Stanleyest.

Yeah.

But he's...

I don't think Paul Stanley holds a candle to the ball.

Oh, yeah.

I read his book.

Broke his heart.

He wanted to marry her and he and he didn't realize that, you know, like he was dating her.

He He thought that they were an item.

He thought they were, you know, exclusive.

And then she just called him up one day.

He couldn't get a hold of her.

And she's like, yeah, I got married.

Didn't even know he was seeing Dan Aykroyd.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

He wrote a love song to her called I Still Love You.

One of the better ballads from Kiss.

Well, now I'm starting to understand why she left him if he's such a fucking pussy all the time.

Writing love ballads and shit.

Yeah.

She's gone.

Dan Aykroyd's busting ghost and he's crying in his his makeup, his makeup running all over the place.

Fuck Kiss.

You know how I feel about Kiss.

You loved Kiss when you went with Sunday Jeff, remember?

You were throwing away.

That's because I love

you.

Yeah, of course.

That's because it's Sunday Jeff.

No, I love, I like Kiss's songs, but I don't like, you remember, I don't like the way Kiss treated you guys or the way that they.

Yeah,

I fucking plant a flag.

Somebody fucks with my boys.

I don't like that shit.

We appreciate that.

But would you ever lay money?

Like, if you had to lay odds, who's she's going to choose?

She's going with Dan Aykroyd, though?

I would have went with Dan Aykroyd.

This is after Dr.

Detroit.

No, it's before Dr.

Detroit if it was in that early in the 80s.

This is Blues Brothers, Dan Aykroyd.

Lean, top-of-his-game, funny Dan Aykroyd.

Fedora-wearing.

No, I think it's post-Doctor Detroit that she marries him.

Come on.

Let me check it out.

Well, I guess

he still got Ghostbusters after that, though.

Oh, no, you're right.

They met, worked together on Dr.

Detroit.

Yeah.

Well, she didn't know then what it it was going to turn out to be.

You know, and thank God he

got Ghostbusters because he wouldn't have Donna Dixon probably.

No,

the guy's a legend.

The guy's a comedic legend, Dan Aykroyd.

I didn't realize we, no disrespect to Donna Dixon herself.

But Dan Aykroyd is more in my

view.

I haven't thought of Donna Dixon in a long time, but little did we know this whole time we were talking about Dan Aykroyd's wife.

Yeah, now I kind of feel it.

Because I love Dan Aykroyd so much, I feel bad.

Like, I don't want to disrespect.

No, we didn't, but we did talk about his wife's asshole a lot.

And I don't think that.

That really, really, it has nothing to do with him or his wife.

You know, I think we kind of like compartmentalized our asshole.

It was more like, you know, it was larger than life.

It was more just about the conversation as a whole.

Yeah, Dan Daxer is one of my heroes in life.

And I've met him a couple of times.

He's super nice.

Is he going to, if he hears

somehow, that two guys from Practical Joker, if you ever meet him and have more than even a surface relationship, it can get back to him that you had an in-depth conversation about his voice.

I don't want that.

I know.

I know.

This is what I'm saying.

I'm going to get a call from Q later.

I need you to cut out that 35 minutes of

we could just bleep her name, but.

No, no.

I think what I'll do is I'll just now apologize.

Okay.

If you listen to the whole thing, there's nothing really.

We weren't targeting her in any way.

But you never want to talk about another wife's asshole publicly like this.

This is a shameful.

Well, we didn't know we were when we talked about Don Dixon when we didn't know who her husband was.

True.

But I think you could talk about a person's asshole without a problem.

I think the problem is when you talk about somebody's spouse's asshole.

But we called it the creme de la creme, though.

Yeah, I know.

It was very complimentary.

Really, it was just, she was just a cog.

We were talking about really, you know,

when a proctologist, like, why he has this job, because he's finally waiting for some Donald Dixon.

Yeah, yeah.

You're right.

That caliber hole.

Right.

You know, it was all complimentary.

She was just the vessel.

I think it was as tasteful a conversation you can have about an asshole.

I really do.

I think it was.

I got a clip for the wake up.

I just want to distance myself a little bit from it and just say,

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't think you need to see.

I like how the concern.

Look at how much Ghostbusters shit I have in this room.

I understand.

I have fucking 20 things in the view.

Explain it.

Donna Dixon could have been replaced by any wonderful actress at that time.

Yeah.

You were using it to illustrate a point.

Well, Walt was.

Yeah, Walt.

Yeah, Walt's the issue here.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Throw it all on me.

Okay, okay.

He should have said, like,

Tawny Kataine.

That way, like, it couldn't ever come back to you because she's already deceased.

Right.

Right, right.

It's okay.

That's all right.

I'm sure if Dan ever listens to this episode, he'll understand where I'm coming from.

I'll just go back and replace every time you say Donna Dixon, I'll go, Tawny Kachain.

Are you guys in Ghostbusters, the new movie, or something?

You're going to damage control here.

No, but Ghostbusters is.

Well, Dan Aykroyd's like he's a hero.

He's a comedic hero.

And Ghostbusters is by far and away my favorite movie of all time.

So it's like.

So I forgot.

I can't believe we haven't asked you this.

What are your thoughts on when the trailer dropped of the new Ghostbusters?

Because it kind of polarized the internet.

Well, the new trailer?

Well, both.

Well, the first trailer, I was a little bit like, well, all right, I'll wait and see.

It kind of looks like Stranger Things Ghostbusters.

But the new trailer, I was fucking all in on.

I can't wait.

It's a new one where they pick up the phone at the end?

Yeah, in Ray's bookshop.

Yeah, yeah, that got me.

Well, they showed.

They showed clips from the first movie.

They tied it in.

You heard their voices.

I don't know.

It just worked for me.

Because I just want them to make a good Ghostbusters movie.

I have a good feeling about it.

Now, you were on the right side of history with the last Ghostbusters movie.

You were the only one I could think of that with any kind of high-profile who was willing to say it's going to be trash.

Well, before it came out, I said wait and see.

Remember,

I was like, we got to wait and see.

I was like, we can't just trash it because of what they're doing.

I did say I did not like that they didn't do it in continuity.

I did not like that it didn't have anything to do with the first ones, but we still have to wait and see.

I said that publicly, even if my heart of hearts,

I had a bad feeling about it.

But you got to give it to them.

I mean, that cast, I mean, all those, they're funny.

They're funny people.

But when I saw the movie, yeah, I was let down and disappointed.

Whenever I go to Q's, we usually watch one or two shitty movies.

And

we still have yet to get to it.

We're like, do we want to torture ourselves?

Yeah.

With the later Ghostbusters.

I remember watching it and just not feeling the connection.

Like, I didn't feel the nostalgia.

And I think that's what you just touched on when you said the new trailer.

Like, when they added them in, they showed a little, it kind of connected the

more.

They tied it into the mythology and shit like that.

That's so important.

Well, plus, the movie wasn't good and it wasn't funny and all that stuff.

The dude who played Thor, I thought, gave an honest effort, man.

He earned his paycheck.

I don't know what his real name is, but the guy who's Thor.

Hemsworth.

Yeah, he was.

I thought he tried his ass off, man.

And he did as good a job as he could to help.

I'm a little concerned.

He's great in everything.

Was that?

Yeah, he is.

He's great in everything, yeah.

But I'm concerned about the old going back to the old formula of like, okay, kids will save the day.

I know.

I just want, if I see another kids will save the day movie,

I don't think I can live through another one.

Well, that seems like

this is 100% that.

Yeah, this seems like Stranger Things Ghostbusters.

I know, but it's like

I have kids, they'll never save the day.

That is a great sound bite.

Don't t-shirt.

Use that as a drop.

I have kids.

They will never save the day.

Yeah, but talk about a great ass, Paul Rudd.

I mean, come on.

You know?

Paul Rudd.

Paul Rudd's in the game.

He's in the new Ghostbusters.

Yeah.

I love that Paul Rudd's in it because he's like our generation's Tom Hanks.

He's like a lovable.

Yeah.

There's no one, no one doesn't like Paul Rudd.

Your generation isn't, your generation's Tom Hanks isn't Tom Hanks?

He's the next generation.

Yeah.

He's trying to pretend he's Gen Z over here.

Do you want to distance yourself from the Donna Dixon talk?

You're just slamming the

America's finest actor.

One time for fun on Instagram, I took a, there was a picture that I gave the finger to.

I was on a plane, and I gave someone, I was sitting in my seat, and my girlfriend took a picture of me, and I just gave it the finger to be silly.

And then I put it on Instagram, and the only caption just said, at Tom Hanks.

But he got like 250,000 likes.

I was like, oh no.

No, but I pull what I mean has that, has that quality where it's like, you just, he's just a warm, a warm quality, you know.

Yeah.

And a nice rump.

A nice rump.

Nice rump.

Did you guys meet him ever?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, we met him a few times by now.

Yeah, he and he was as advertised.

He was cool, kind,

nice.

He knew of the show.

Yeah, he watches Jokers with his kids.

I don't remember the quote, but I know Ming was going to be at a con with him.

And Ming had a shirt made up.

Do you remember this?

No.

It was like from one of his movies, it was like a clueless reference or something like that.

And he sought out Paul Rudd to take the picture with him.

Ming Chen.

He was on TV at the time, by the way.

Yeah, that's just Ming.

That's what you got to love about Ming, you know?

Do you?

That's it.

That's it.

That's Paul.

What's the other option?

Yeah, I guess.

This just reminded me of it, actually, because we did live with Kelly Rippa and at that time.

Michael Strahan?

Well, at this time, it was Ryan Reynolds.

We won a few times.

No, we did one with Ryan Seacrest.

Seacrest, too.

But she had a guest.

It was after Strahan left, I think, and she had like temporary co-hosts.

And it was...

Oh, Chris Pratt.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah.

Right?

So I get to the studio.

We had to be there like six in the morning, whatever it is.

And it's Kelly and Chris Pratt.

And we're going on like the third segment for like five minutes tops.

And I was hungover, and I never get, I never drink.

I don't know why, what happened, why, but I got there, I felt like absolute death.

They put me in my own room to sleep on a couch in a room

until we had to come on.

My point being, I wanted to do something

to stand, to make this appearance stand out because we do so many appearances, we get to ask the same questions, whatever.

So I got a Haynes t-shirt while I was waiting, like an undershirt, and a black Sharpie.

And I took my shirt off and I put on this Haynes t-shirt and I wrote the Magnificent Seven on it.

So Chris, it was out at that time.

The guest ho, the first guest was Denzel, who's in the Magnificent Seven, with Chris Pratt, who's hosting the show.

You remember that.

Yeah, yeah.

And I was like, oh, I'm going to like do a funny joke.

So I got this t-shirt and I wrote the Magnificent Seven.

I think I'd walk out and I'd be like, oh, I'm helping promote, you know, because Denzel just left and they were talking about the Magnificent Seven.

I, on purpose, spell it wrong.

So

I put an A instead of an E, so it says the Magnificant Seven, right?

And it's just in Sharpie.

And I walk at him all over.

They call us out.

I think the first thing he's going to do is laugh that I made a homemade shirt of his movie, make fun of the fact that it is misspelled, and it'll give us a launching pad into the interview.

And I'm a silly goose.

Nobody mentions it.

Nobody mentioned it.

Seven minutes of me in a Haynes t-shirt with the Magnificant Seven on it.

No reference to it, the movie, to the misspelling of it.

Did the interview left?

That's unbelievable.

To be fair.

Unbelievable.

I will say Chris Pratt, another lovely guy, by the way,

super nice to us.

He seemed a little overwhelmed.

Didn't he see hosting?

Like, he was like, they kept telling him to look at this camera and that camera, and he wasn't having an easy time with it.

I felt bad for him a little bit.

That's the other thing that happened.

They had the trivia in the beginning when they gave away a trip.

And the girl got the trivia wrong.

And Chris Pratt was like, oh, I'm going to give it to you anyway, right?

And then the producers come out and like, no, that's like a legal thing.

We can't do that.

And it was all happening on air.

And he goes, oh, you can't?

And he goes, oh, man.

And then he goes,

where was it?

And they're like, oh, it's like Punta Cana.

It's a $7,000 value.

And he goes, all right, I'm going to get you the trip.

And the crowd's like, oh, my God.

And they're all clapping.

And he's like, what am I going to do?

I'll get you the trip.

You know, I said, yeah, I just wasn't supposed to say that.

And then Kelly Ripper goes you know what how much is it said he goes she goes I'll split it with you and the crowd's cheering right and then Denzel Washington comes out as their first guest they're in the middle of his interview he goes I saw what happened with that lady you know with the trip I'll tell you what we'll go in three ways on the trip and everyone cheers so we come out next I'm in the Magnificant Seven shirt

I'm hungover and they clap everyone sits the first words that we say come out of my mouth I go I just want to say before we start I'm not going four ways on the trip

Nobody says anything.

It bombs.

And I'm in the shirt and they don't reference it.

The crowd goes, oh.

And instead of like acknowledging it's a joke, him or Kelly were like, no, don't worry.

We wouldn't force you to do that.

Oh, God.

We have fun adventures.

And isn't it like something bombing like that?

Isn't it so much more fun later on than if it had like

the story is just so much more fun to tell when it's like, guess what, got fucked up?

Yeah.

I remember we were on that.

We were on with

it's a funny, funny chain of events.

It is a real funny chain of events.

I had, remember we were on the view with Rosie O'Donnell and I accidentally insulted her.

And like in the car right afterwards, like I was just my gut was I was feeling so bad.

You said like because she said something like inadvertently, it was like a backhanded compliment.

Yeah, I said, I said, yeah, the guys, I go, the guys,

you know, make fun of me because I look like you.

I go, they mean it as an insult.

And I go, but I like it.

And then afterwards, and then for the rest of the interview, you could just watch my face.

I'm checking it out.

The second I said it, I was like, I'm insulting the woman to her face on her show.

She reacted and then covered.

And then, like, for the rest of the interview, I'm sitting there like this.

And I was like, this woman's been so nice to us.

She came on our show, she's getting us on her show to help promote the whatever we were promoting at the time.

And I'm just like, Your looks are insulting.

Oh, I felt so fucking bad.

And like, I said to Sal on the car ride back to the office.

I was like, Do you think she noticed?

And you couldn't even cover.

You went,

you know, she got it, she understands what you meant.

And I was like, Oh, fuck, I really fucked up.

Oh, yeah.

I remember in the moment, myself, even, I think my bulb shot up into my body.

Oh, I felt it.

And that was the last time we ever had any conversations.

You totally didn't mean anything.

And I think that she...

It was one of those moments that you could deconstruct in the moment and you.

Yeah, you know what?

No matter what you mean,

it was bad.

But it didn't seem like she took it bad.

She had a reaction that she covered.

I'm making fun of you because you looked like a famous woman.

Not that like, not that, like, she looks like you.

I know, I know.

All the facts are there, but I still, for the rest of the day, I was thrown the rest of the fucking day.

I was like, I insulted the poor woman.

No,

she didn't think that.

And what did you really mean that?

So it didn't come across.

Okay, thank you, thank you.

How many times have you?

You went out there and were like, you, Rosie, look like a guy, you know, something like that.

Yeah.

That's not.

And I guess by once removed by association, that's what we're saying, too.

But it looks like they're related.

It's not like we're saying she looks like a man or you look like a woman.

It's just that you look like a fat Rosie O'Donnell.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Which is even telling her she's a skinny one.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah, I know.

I just felt like she wasn't.

She knows she's not.

Oh, I don't know, man.

Dude, I felt so bad.

Yeah.

She was super.

I give her, you know, she was so nice.

Yeah.

She did our show and we were like, thank you so much for doing this.

She just asked for like some money to a charity.

Charity, yeah.

She didn't even want to get paid.

We were like, thank you for doing this

and for giving the money to charity.

And she's like, why wouldn't I help out young comedians?

And we were like, oh, thank you so much.

so much.

What are you fucking stupid?

Why wouldn't I help out young comedians?

Yeah, we shouldn't go on those shows anymore.

Do you have, do you, do you like doing those kind of shows?

Because it seems like you have to be very

almost like a version of yourself, but not really.

Like, you come on here, you can be totally yourself if you feel like it, or on one of your pods that you do.

So, you can be totally yourself.

But on those shows, you have to sort of like

tailor yourself to what that audience is going to expect.

It's hard.

It's because it's never it's it's it always is like between four and seven minutes.

It's there's four of us trying to give a little bit each.

They're asking the same questions we always hear.

You want to make the audience laugh.

It's such surface conversation.

It's like when you do radio like real quick and they're like kind of rush.

It's just I don't know.

It's never a real conversation.

No, it's never a real conversation.

Yeah.

It sucks because you want it to like...

I mean, sometimes they go well and then sometimes they just go exactly the way they all go.

You know what I mean?

The one that I liked that we did was when I started fucking teeing off on Sam Champion.

Remember that, like on a good day.

So, Sam, do you guys know who Sam Champion is?

He's a weatherman, yeah.

He's a weatherman.

So, we, we, it was me and you.

That's how we got away with this.

And we just went on and started teeing off on him.

And I was like, in the middle of the interview, I was looking, I was staring at him like I was angry.

And I'd go, You, you ruined the picnic that I had.

You gave like a sunny ripeth report and it rained, and it ruined the picnic.

He was not on it.

He was not on the show.

Yeah, he was on.

He was there.

He was there.

And I kept going.

And every time he asked a question, I was like, Yeah, champion.

I was like, you screwed me on that one.

And you and I started doing our routine with it.

And they loved it.

Oh, really?

Yeah, they loved it.

It was good.

Usually when you're doing morning news,

that could be a little bit more like off the hip.

Like

the Good Day New York or something like that.

Where it's like regional.

You just fuck around.

Then you could just sneak in and just extra shit and let them deal with it.

But they like it because it's not just the same thing over and over again.

Yeah, like the shit like Kelly and Ryan, say, for example, it's like, it seems like that is a very definitive audience of like housewives or like

retirees.

Anybody who's at home in the morning watching that kind of TV, you know?

And that seems like a very hard.

I mean, obviously you walk in with a fucking funny shirt and nobody reacts.

Like you don't know how to read those type of people.

It just felt like a factory.

Like I'm giving, I'm giving here.

I even coming out and being like, the first thing I want to say, I'm not going in four ways on the trip.

It's like, that should have been gangbusters.

It was like a smattering of like, uh, uh, uh, uh, and then they're like, no, we wouldn't make you pay for it.

But shame on them for not for, yeah, for not getting it, for not getting the joke.

Like, maybe the audience doesn't get it, but for the host to not adapt in that moment and be like, that's pretty fucking funny.

Like, did they seriously think you were coming out to be like, I am not going out four ways?

It showed me a little bit about what people think of me and us.

Because they accepted, like, they, like, they took that as real.

Like,

we're so low rent.

You know, like, I was coming out playing up the low-rent character, but they accepted that cat for face value.

Like, Denzel Washington is an A-list celebrity.

He left.

Here come the guy from Channel 1 million.

And this guy's serious.

He doesn't have the means or the inclination to help out here.

Yeah.

You want to see the best?

Can you guys play, like, if I told you to play a clip, can you do that?

I don't know.

The best if after this, if you know the best morning news you'll ever see clip.

My buddy Mark Norman does a comic.

Oh, it's awesome.

He went on.

Oh, you've seen it.

I've seen it, yeah.

He went on morning radio.

He does it all the time, but there's one in particular that went viral where he, it's him and just one woman, and he makes us so uncomfortable.

It is impossible not to, like, die out loud laugh at this thing.

I'm familiar with Mark.

Who is it?

With a woman, do you know?

It was local news.

Yeah, someone was.

It was like a local morning news.

He's probably promoting a gig at a comedy club he had that weekend.

I forget what, but if you just put Mark Norman morning TV or whatever, it comes up.

Oh, man, it's a, it's a, it hurts my side that's that funny.

I mean, it's anticlimactic to tell you that, and then we don't watch it, but I don't watch it.

Well, you boys said you got to go at 7:30.

Yeah, we got to run.

We got a lot of partying to do tonight, bro.

Hand.

Partying, huh?

Wow.

Not really.

We're watching Suicide Squad.

We have a work call to take, and then we're going to watch a movie.

Let me know what you think.

Yeah, we'll do.

And, Sal, thanks for coming on.

Don't be such a stranger.

That was the funnest, man.

I miss you guys so much.

It's always so fun joining this.

It's always.

Thank you guys for letting me do it.

It's funny.

Like,

I watch Taste Buds and stuff.

And

since I know both you and DeRosa, it's one of those things where I feel

like I'm going to say something, you know, like just because I know you guys well enough that you're going to be in the journey.

Oh, right here.

You're joining.

I'm going to go to the next conversation almost.

And I got to say,

I love DeRosa, but most times I agree with you.

It's funny.

People like, we get that on both sides.

So it's kind of.

It's funny because I usually agree with DeRosa.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I usually fall on his side.

I should actually plug.

Do you guys, hey, you guys, I watch Taste Buds, my watch or listen to Taste Buds, my podcast, or Hey, Babe, my other podcast.

Yeah, we've given you plugs.

We've done it on this, I think.

Yeah.

Cool.

Do you plug?

Do you do plug?

Do you plug the tour and stuff that's coming up and everything?

Not really.

I really don't.

I shouldn't.

I know.

I just, I'm not going to do it for you.

Go ahead.

We just announced our new nationwide tour for 21 and 22.

Tickets are available at the tenderloins.com/slash tour.

They're all on sale now.

There's like 50 cities.

And if you don't see a city, we're adding cities.

Nice, dude.

Thanks, bud.

Welcome.

Hello, Steve.

Dave.