#477: BTS 4 eva

Anything I think is more interesting than teaching a bird how to sing.

You must look like a real tool though while you're doing it in your house though.

I just crap my pants.

Why am I going to waste this week being positive when it's only going to go back to the negative anyway?

Tell him Steve Dave.

Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

I'm here with Walt and I'm here with Q.

Yo.

Hello.

Hello, boys.

I'm Q, did you get your second COVID shot yet?

I did, yes.

How are you feeling?

It was, you know, I had a little bit, I had a little

bit of a reaction, but nothing that was too bad.

I hear it's the second one

that gets people.

It was the second one that got me.

Did you feel sick again?

More of a headache.

I kind of got a bad headache that night, and my arm was sore for days, but that didn't bother me.

The headache was the bad part.

I have an appointment on Tuesday for the first one.

Nice.

Yeah.

Nice.

But I'm wondering, because I just read an article.

It's like some dude, like, he got the, I guess it was the Johnson and Johnson one or whatever.

Yeah.

And the guy, you know, I'm talking, he got paralyzed on one side and he can't talk anymore.

Oh, no, I didn't hear that.

I didn't hear that.

But they suspended the Johnson and Johnson one.

You know, they're not going to be giving you the Johnson and Johnson one.

This one's Moderna.

Yeah.

But when I saw that.

Oh, that's what I had.

Moderna.

You had Moderna?

Yeah.

I'm like, Jesus.

Johnson Johnson is the one-shot one, right?

Yeah.

Okay.

So, I mean, there is some trepidation going into it.

Did you feel any?

No, I was like, let me just get this over with.

Because it's based on existing vaccines.

So I was like, I mean, I know it's a new vaccine, but I don't know.

It just seemed like a new use of old technology type thing.

Plus, you know,

I don't know.

Get him got the shot, too.

Both of them?

I don't know about both of them.

No, just he got the first one last week, and he was like pumped.

He couldn't wait to go.

He told anybody and everybody that he came into contact with that he was going.

Like super excited.

You know, you don't usually see him this excited over something, you know.

And

yeah, I was kind of like, you know, he was treating it almost as if he was acquiring like a Lego set or something.

But like, he was super excited to get it, though, and, you know, super amped and

telling everybody that they should go too.

Well, I guess it's because then you're you're just like, I don't have to fucking worry about it anymore.

Because for all the like,

like you and I were like, we fucking had this already.

We had it last year.

I think we did.

We think we had it last year, right?

For all of that, it's like, I'm not 100% positive.

So if I ran into somebody and I got it, I would be like, motherfucking cocksucker, I would be so angry.

So at this point, if I just get it, it's like, unless I'm one of the 6,000 people who get it even after they get the inoculation,

I just don't have to fucking really think about it anymore, you know, which is nice.

Now, you, who who has not put any medicine into your body since the 90s,

how are you facing this?

I've been getting a lot of pressure from friends and family to

break

my long streak of not having anything injected into me.

And, you know, whether the missus is saying, like, she's going, she's like, you should go.

We've got friends.

Tell them, Steve, Dave, community members, like Chris LeDondo Dodondo is texting me and telling me, you know,

all the reasons why I should.

So there's, yeah,

I've been hearing it.

It's not like I don't want to, but I'm like,

I'm still like,

like, this body hasn't had anything foreign in it.

Like, what will happen, though?

It's been so long.

Could something like really fucking send it into a

toxic shock shit?

And

your

body is so unpolluted by drugs or alcohol or anything.

So it's not

medication.

Sugar is probably the only thing.

Sugar and all the chemicals that are in junk food.

But that's.

It's not like I'm like Bruce Lee fucking, you know, fasting and eating sugar.

Yeah, like, I'm not going to make that wild claim, but drugs.

But don't, did you, I mean, are you going to talk to a doctor about it?

And

what am I going to ask him, though, you think?

Because it sounds like I'm like one of those religious nuts, zealous.

No, I mean, I would open open with, look, I'm not a religious nut.

I just, I haven't had any medication in my body since the 90s.

Will suddenly injecting this cause me problems?

I mean, that sounds like a responsible medical question to me.

You know what?

Yeah, that's a good thing.

I'm going to go on

and see if I can

get an answer.

Yeah.

Sign up for, here's what you do.

Sign up for Blue Chew.

And then when you're doing the thing with the doctor, just slip it in.

Just be like, hey,

Doc, let me ask you something.

You know, aside from the boner thing, what about this?

I bet you they'd be happy to answer a non-boner related question on that.

Do you think they get this question at all, though?

Because I think there's not many people walking around who legitimately haven't had any medicine.

I mean, I take aspirin, though.

I have taken aspirin, you know, when I'm not feeling right.

You know,

if I have a little ache and pain, I will take an aspirin.

So I'm not, I will, I do fall off the wagon.

You want to party a little?

Sometimes like that.

But do you think they get this question often?

You're in Vegas.

No, I.

Did you say leaving Las Vegas?

No, no, he's in Vegas.

He goes,

give me a Botron.

I thought you were a buffering man.

Well, Botron's is way more powerful than a buffering.

Is it?

Oh, fuck you.

I didn't know that.

Oh, yeah.

My wife goes, you should take two.

I'm like, no way.

What am I fucking?

What am I in?

Brian Johnson?

Peace, love.

but do you think doctors get this question often?

Because, I mean, I would think it's a, it's one they don't get on a regular basis.

Uh, I would bet you they're getting it a lot more currently than they've ever gotten it before.

Right.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I'm, you know what?

I know it's going to happen, though, that

doors are going to start to shut on people who are unvaccinated.

It's definitely going to happen.

That's my fear.

There's no doubt about it.

So it is going.

I'm going to get it.

It's just a question of,

you know,

just getting it all set up.

I'm glad to hear you're getting it, though.

It is so much.

Like, I actually have to fly to Los Angeles

the first week of May

and to do something out there.

And the rules, if you didn't get vaccinated, just for the meetings, I got to go out there.

I'm shooting something on this TV show thing.

The rules for if I don't have the vaccine, I got to get out there two weeks before.

I got to, like, it's all this quarantine stuff and blah, blah, blah.

Since I have the vaccine, it's just like, oh, yeah, you just got to show up with a negative test, and you can walk right onto

the lot.

It's like crazy, man.

It's already started.

What date is that that you'll be in LA?

I think I get there May

5th or 6th.

Okay, I mean,

because May 2nd, you know, for anybody listening is Frank 5 Day.

I don't know.

Oh, Frank 5 Day.

Yes.

I'm not sure if

we can say definitively if a BQ will be popping in.

Yeah, we don't want to

definitively say it, but

I plan on popping in.

Okay.

Yeah, I mean, there's been

the buzz is the anhill is a buzz with Frank Five Day.

Apparently, I overestimated how many people may be coming.

I was hoping in the 30 range, but apparently I'm being told it could be in the 100.

Could be in the 30s.

No.

would they

add 100, probably?

Once Walt said it's going to be a party, why wouldn't people

break out the aspirin?

Wait, but wait, what the?

But what are we going to do with all those people?

You can't have them in the store.

No, they're not going to be.

Giddam has

a plan all set out.

He's the security detail that day.

Oh, man.

What?

And he has these tickets that he's going to give out.

So when you show up

to get in line, he's going to give you a ticket

with a block of a time block on it.

And that took it.

It's like Fast Pass at Disney.

Yeah.

And Gidham has this all mapped out.

He's been working on his graphs and

his whiteboard.

And he is confident that we can make this.

We're only going to allow two people in at a time.

And you're only going to get five minutes alone with Frank.

I thought it was cute.

You know, five minutes with Frank, and then you got to get out so the next people can get it.

If we have 100 people.

If we only have 20 people, then yeah, you can stay a little bit.

You'll get to stay a little bit longer, though.

Well, how many hours is that, by the way?

A hundred people at two minutes, five minutes.

At five minutes, yeah.

Yeah, that's a lot.

It's 500 minutes, right?

Well, that means you can.

Okay, so if it's five minutes each, that means you get 12 groups of two.

So it's 24, so it would take four hours.

Yeah, we can knock that out.

It's going to be okay.

I don't think it's going to be a fucking circus or a good time.

Do you think that everybody coming understands that the five-minute rule is firm?

Or do you, are you going to get malingerers?

Do I have to go?

Can I just stay?

Or what if I go in the back room and hang out back there?

Like,

what's security setting up here?

Well, he also has an assistant security detail that's going to be the bad guy.

Oh, good cop, bad cop?

Yeah.

Who's the bad cop?

Tommy Lincoln.

Okay.

Okay.

I would have totally thought that was reversed.

Well, Ginnam gets drunk on power more easily than a natty.

I mean, this dude, dude,

this dude, like, when he gets

any semblance of power, abuses it, I feel, because he just loves to tell people what to do.

And if he has a little fucking nylon jacket that says security, he may as well be like fucking king of the world.

Because he loves to fucking tell people what to do.

And when in the security.

No, he definitely has a security jacket, right?

Oh, yeah, he has it already.

Oh, he's going to wear it.

Oh, yeah.

He was so bummed out that his security, like, like his badge that he would wear, like a Lanyard badge, melted in the fire because he was going to wear that too.

Yeah, so

I feel

people are going to come down, and then there's going to be an amp meetup at the Dublin house.

So

hopefully

they come in, they realize that they can't spend that much time in there, and then they go chill out and drink and eat and mingle with each other over at the Dublin house.

And it is a good time for everybody.

Hopefully, it is, but you can't be dependent upon your good time being in the general store because it's going to be kind of quick.

Yeah, I mean, if we run everyone through, you can eventually come back in.

Yeah, yeah.

If that's the case, and like, you know, we got still got three hours left, you know, then yeah, you guys could come back in.

But it doesn't keep you out of the regular store either.

No, no.

No.

Go hang out in there.

Wow.

It's going to be a party.

Well,

I wish people would stop saying that.

Well, I mean, it may not have the lure of a BQ, but I will be going down to the Dublin house and I'll be hanging out with everybody there.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, great.

Definitely.

You can't back out now.

I won't.

All right.

What the fuck, man?

What are you going to do down there?

How many people are they going to allow to congregate in the Dublin house?

Well, they have that outdoor area.

I think somebody's trying to arrange getting that outdoor area secured.

Oh, okay.

Okay, got you.

Got you.

Yeah, I won't be going to the Dublin house.

I wouldn't have thought so.

No, I will commit to driving by the Dublin House back area with a window down and a wave.

I'll commit to that.

But yeah, I think I'd still have a panic attack if I was asked to take pictures and stuff like that.

We went on stage for the first time the other night, Walt.

How was that?

It was fucking...

Internally, I was screaming as if a Cennobite had my fucking soul.

It was like, it was so horrible, man.

Like, like, I was up on stage and like, I was, you know, you got to be funny.

This is why I'm drinking so much because like you gotta, like, I gotta, I'm back to work.

I'm just back to work.

It's three, four days a week shooting

with like live shows at fucking night.

And

dude, I, I, you know, how, like, it's been so long since I've made eye contact with people.

And when you're on stage, everybody's looking at you.

So it's like you're making eye contact with people.

I'm just like, I don't know how to act anymore.

Dude, I am off, man.

It's not like riding a bike, huh?

It is because by the end of the second show, I was at least numb enough to it to be like, oh, okay, like this, this could work, but like delivery, material, all that, I'm just like, I have no, I don't know what to say to anybody.

It's fucking weird, man.

Did the other guys call you out on it, or did they, like, were they real supportive?

No, I called me out on it.

You know,

you know how I roll.

I'm like, why am I going to hide it?

I'm just like, wow, this is fucking weird and shit like that.

Did you have, were you lubed up?

No, I mean, I was drinking a little bit while I was on stage, but I can't, look, you see me with four beers right now.

I'm slurring.

Like, that's not the BQ everybody knew and loved back in the day.

This is a weekend diversion.

You know what I mean?

So I had like a glass and a half of Jameson, and it was enough to get me like loose and stuff like that.

But it wasn't, you know what the weird part?

The four of us are so like, everything that we do is so dependent on the four of us being in sync.

You know what I mean?

Because

we're kind of like a band.

We, you know, we got to know each other's timing.

And normally, after our all-time working together, we're

so good at it.

Yeah.

Like a hell of a boy band.

I want to be your Lou Perlman.

Yeah.

Isn't he dead?

I think he is dead.

That doesn't mean he wasn't a pedophile.

He did get 25% of everything they made, I guess.

But

yeah, so it was like, that was the worst part.

We were just not in sync at all.

Did you practice?

Like, did you go into the garage and just practice your moves and practice your timing?

Or did you just go in, like, we got this?

Because, you know, like, it's like riding a bike.

No, we went in being like, these are going to be rusty as fuck, so we better charge like 10 bucks a ticket or something like that.

Well, it's more difficult, too, like, because you were in a smaller club.

Yeah, like Stress Factory.

Yeah, Stress Factory, Vinnie's place.

It's easier on a big stage, isn't it, than a small club?

Because you don't really make eye contact on that big stage.

Oh, well, that aspect of it, yeah, because the lights are in your eyes and stuff like that.

But there's, but I have

bombed.

I've said like dud jokes on stage in front of like 17,000 people and not gotten a laugh, and that nothing feels like that.

It is

that's a lot of silence.

Even if it's 400 people that gave you a courtesy laugh, it it that makes it even sadder.

So I have that experience.

So like for me, it's like when I'm rusty and I know I'm gonna bomb left and right i'd rather do it in a crowd of a hundred because it's cavernous you know so when you tell a joke that doesn't land is it one that's not like pre-arranged is it like you just got going off script a little bit uh no it's usually it's weird like it's because as a tour goes on even if you're using kind of the similar material like it's boring if you say it the same time every time you know what i mean like you want to put different inflections and you want to mess with the material so a a joke that fucking absolutely killed two nights before, if you just like, sometimes I'll go on stage and I'll say to myself, I'm going to do this show like I'm like,

you know, I don't want to say like with special needs, but you know what I mean?

Like,

or I'll be like, I'm going to go on stage tonight and play it angry, or I'm going to play it like just a little bit just to make it different.

You know what I mean?

And sometimes that leads to bigger laughs.

And sometimes it takes a joke that killed and makes it not work at all.

Dude, if if I ever go to a show where you play it 90 minutes straight as a retarded person, you will get laughs from me, I promise you.

Is it like Ricky Gervais and Derek?

Are you doing?

Or are you doing

for 90 minutes straight?

No, it's not like a drool cup around my neck.

It's more like

I'll just do it like I'm a little bit slower than the other guys, a little behind.

Like I don't understand.

It's a psychotropic thunder.

Yeah, like I don't understand what they're saying.

Like when my response to their jokes, I'll just be like, what?

Do they enjoy this or are they just like dude could you just stick to the script

q wants to act re again come on q

people don't like it

uh i don't even know if they notice it because i don't do it that you know overtly

you know

you mentioned it earlier q

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Miundi's just doubled down.

Doubled down.

Yeah.

We haven't even done Miyundi's, it feels like, in a while.

I did.

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Oh, okay.

That's why.

Okay.

I had a story I wanted to talk to you guys about.

Go on.

Q, you have a very rabid

fan base for the IJ.

I've met some of them

because they came down

that night you did the live show.

They stopped in the general store and they mentioned that

they were going to

your live show.

And

what would I mean?

What would you put them?

I'm not trying to,

this has nothing to do with you, but they are really rabid.

They are really, really

passionate.

But I don't know if they're as passionate as this group of

this fan base that is into K-pop.

Oh, K-pop.

Have you heard about K-pop?

I know Korean pop, right?

Korean pop.

Yeah.

Well, somebody, I mean, apparently, and I don't even know if we should talk about this story because I think that if we got on the wrong side of the K-pop

army that's online,

they will will destroy you, apparently, because they made it their mission to destroy Gene Simmons.

Oh my God, what?

What happened?

Gene Simmons

gave an interview, or

in an interview, said the following about K-pop.

He said

he was talking about

XYZ, PTA,

and I guess those are some of the

K-pop big bands right now.

And he said, don't kid yourself.

As soon as those girls grow up a little bit and get older, that's going to go away.

It's like sugar.

You taste it, it gives you a little energy boost, and then it's gone forever, and you don't care.

But don't kid yourself.

They ain't the Beatles.

They don't write songs.

They don't play instruments.

It ain't that.

Don't, you know, it's going to go away

as soon as those fans grow a little bit older.

And for that, for stating what I think

is

history has shown that will happen.

No, I don't agree with it.

Why?

I just don't.

I think K-pop's here to stay, and I think it's the best.

Are you a little concerned about speaking the truth regarding, because you're a little bit concerned about the K-pop community?

I don't have to be concerned about speaking the truth because to me, the truth is that K-pop is awesome.

That's what you got to say.

No, no, no, no.

I don't mean, mean i think it's here to stay man

i think you're mistaking not not k-pop as a as a genre of music i mean the that will probably stick around because it is popular but i'm talking about the next k-pop sensations those sensations that are now performing in the k-pop community as they get older and as their fan base ages out yeah i mean history has shown that just happens almost to every boy band why are they immune to what has happened to every band

of that kind?

Like the monkeys or any hard.

The noodle.

Yeah.

Probably just because they're so awesome, man.

You know, they'll just

stick around.

I mean, I didn't know they're going after Gene Simmons.

I don't want them coming after me.

That's what they said.

They said, like, there was on a community board, like, and it was like Legion.

Like, the amount of tweets, it was like, we're going to make his life hell.

What are they doing?

How are they doing that?

i guess on a social media effort to just like like he won't be able to like step onto social media without be like like a billion bees just buzzing around his face telling him what a what an old douchebag he is for saying such things

yeah i don't want to be involved in that i mean people without saying those things

yeah i i actually don't like gene simmons right because of uh

yeah i mean i'm not saying it but to it's not really about defending gene simmons it's like making a statement that like i don't know if somebody should be destroyed for that, though.

But they're not destroying him.

They're just annoying him on social media.

But you don't know.

Like, some of these kids are definitely skilled in the art of doxing and shit.

Oh, yeah.

I mean,

I think they're doing more than just trolling them.

I think that their efforts are a little bit more orchestrated.

And it's not just kids, because I know there is a person listening right now, an adult, listening for a fact that is obsessed with K-pop.

Really?

So if there's at least one...

You won't reveal who it is?

No, I don't want to.

How come?

A listener or something?

It's a listener.

Oh, okay.

But why?

I mean, I mean, I'm not against...

Look,

the only reason I brought the article up was because, A, it's Gene Simmons.

And B, I just think it's weird, though, that, like, as a, as a, a fan of a genre of music, you are that outraged by someone saying, well, come on, it's kind of like the flavor of the month.

I mean, when these guys get older, as well as the girls get older, it's just a circle of life.

By and large, though, though,

this is not a teen boy thing.

Teen girls getting upset about you saying shit about the bands that they like is, I mean, it's time immemorial.

You know, it's like

the Believers or

Justin Bieber, like the Belieber girls, they would go fucking nuts if people said anything negative about them.

They're like, they're cutting themselves for them.

Like all kinds of, remember that?

It was like, cut yourself for Bieber?

And then, I mean, you can back it up.

You know, you can go to InSync and Backstreet Boys.

Do you think, though, that the members of that band should come out and strongly condemn that kind of behavior, though?

Or do you think they should just leave it, like, just remain silent?

Well, okay, let's say that some goal.

Let's say a bunch of people are going after somebody on our behalf because they said something about podcasts in general.

That's really what it is, right?

Yeah, pretty much.

I mean, that's really

the analogy is perfectly made right there.

Like, podcasting um is for for losers who couldn't make it on radio right and then one of our listeners being so outraged by that i'm going to destroy that motherfucker who said that right that and then we stand by and they're like yeah you should

should i have do i have reasons to be concerned though about even bringing this subject up q or do you think we should i didn't think so but now bri's telling us that we got one of these k-pop psychotics in our own ranks yeah well maybe we should put it out there maybe to the anybody listening like don't mention online that we spoke about K-pop.

Yeah, keep it to yourself.

For our sakes, please.

And if somebody does say something, we're going to know it's you.

Because I heard Gene Simmons was fucking fucking terrified.

Really?

Yeah, that

he hired a team of fucking

to like kind of like

not security, but like cybersecurity based on this.

Oh, so they don't hack into his shit.

I don't know.

It's fucking scary shit, though.

And it's not like he said something that like I would think would be that.

yeah he's like you know the thing that everyone knows for a fact is happens that's just gonna happen with k-pop you're like yeah no no

he didn't mean k-pop that's the thing you think the band the actual band the band that he was referring to plays

uh music that is identified with k-pop

but not k-pop he didn't say that was going away he would that would be like saying rap is going away right it would be a ridiculous statement he's just saying that that young boy band that everybody's in love with right now

they probably won't be in love with them 10 years from now as passionately as they are now.

And for that, a FAQA was fucking

put on his head.

The Solomon Rushdie of rock and roll.

Yeah, who'd you say?

Was Andrea?

Yeah.

I would not have seen that coming.

I didn't see it coming either.

She told me, I was like, seriously?

Oh, well, hey, good for her.

I watched some of the videos based upon, you know, I really wanted to do a little investigation.

The less said, the better, you know, for our own best interests.

Let's move on.

It's getting to a point where you can't say anything about anything for fear of like, oh my God, they're going to fuck with my money.

They're going to fuck with my life.

We got to stick to

topics that are non-divisive.

I had one for both of you guys.

Okay.

Like now that we're getting older,

Q, you're not as old, but like say, say you get to be about 60.

You got yourself a significant other.

Sure.

Would you rather, you're out in public.

Would you rather get knocked out in front of her or lose control of your bowels in front of her?

Ooh.

Either way, you're a public spectacle.

Yeah.

Well, all right, walk me through.

Can I know more about the bowel issue?

Like, what's going on?

Where are we?

What happens?

Can you walk me through this?

Is he sick or is he drunk?

No, yeah,

not sick.

Did he have five RNH beers instead of four that he's performing on right now?

Me and Tom Brady fucking making our way down the marina.

No, say you're like, you're out at the boardwalk.

Maybe you had some boardwalked pizza.

Yeah.

It sat out a little bit too long, maybe.

So now you know you got stomach issues and shit.

And your car's parked like a mile and a half down the boardwalk.

Right.

So there's that, or you're on the boardwalk, and there's a couple of fucking kids teasing you saying shit.

Old Forest Road.

Bang.

And I saw you playing it retarded on stage.

My sister, special needs, motherfucker.

I would take this shit in the pants, I think.

Yeah, you can recover from that big time.

Because then you could tell her, you could be like, if you're ref in depending on how, if you want the relationship to last, because let's say she's like aghast and you could see like, oh, my God, you're so shallow.

You know why?

Because I was getting pegged by my mistress earlier today and my asshole's all loose.

That's why I showed my face.

And you throw it right back in her face because you saw the repulsion on her face because you had an accident.

Oh, my God.

As if you're the first guy that's ever had an accident on the boardwalk in public.

I'm cheating on you.

And in a way that I should be cheating with a man, but for some reason I'm cheating with a woman.

No, no, like I said, I thought if you were getting pegged by a mistress, it'd be okay, though.

Is it?

Yeah, it's still, it's still guy on gal.

Not okay.

It'll be okay, but I mean, it would still be considered, I think, straight behavior.

Straight behavior.

Okay.

Because, yeah, there are some people who think introducing anything into your butt is automatically like you're gay.

I don't, I don't subscribe to that.

I used to.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Before you.

But then a week ago.

Somebody sent in a strap pond, and that was it.

It would feel, I mean,

if that's what somebody's into, I don't care.

But it would just feel too much like gay sex, right?

You're on all fours.

There's somebody behind you.

You can't see them.

Remember that mirror we used in the Sunday Jeff, like the Sunday Jeff Show, where you just grab a little man L mirror and look behind you and see your lady.

That's right.

It's not a guy.

Yeah.

I chose that too.

I posed it to Mary Beth, like, which would you rather?

Yeah, which is she would rather I lose control of my bowels.

Yeah, yeah.

It's understandable.

It's going to happen to her one day, you know, or has it happened to her.

I'll be long dead by the time it does.

Yeah, you'll be gone.

But a punch in the face, I mean, yeah, it's

she might as well be pegging you.

You know, she might as well.

Oh,

that's a great analogy, Q.

She might as well be pegging you?

Just summed it up, yeah.

I mean, it's the, it's, that's a great great way to fucking just put it all in perspective

yeah

i don't yeah

that plugin's a weird one man because that that woman seen you like that she's gonna see you like that for the rest of her life i think it's kind of like getting punched it's kind of the same right punched or what pegged yeah like they can't remove that from their head like they've always seen it it's it's a weird one to rub in someone's face like like like stopping short at like hey, man, I've been cheating on you, would rub it in their face.

Yeah.

But then extending it to this aberrant sex act.

But I'm telling you, I only say you go, you know, go nuclear if you see her face and she's like horrified and doesn't want to even come near you and she's backing away.

Help me.

That's when you break that out.

Maybe she's got a sister.

You say it was your sister who was pegging me.

That's why I can't control it.

She goes and kicks the shit out of her sister.

She's like, what's this for?

I was pegged, okay?

Peg my husband, will you?

What's pegging?

Q,

I got one for you.

I got an article.

Like, you know, that's what I've been doing in my downtime now.

Pegging?

Which is almost...

No, not pegging.

Looking for articles that I think will

really interest you.

There is

an endangered bird.

It's going to bring the mood down a little bit.

This is a little sad one, but

there's an endangered bird that has forgotten how to sing.

Oh, man, because there's no other ones around to teach it.

Yeah.

So, like,

it doesn't know, it hasn't been taught how to sing.

So

this species of bird could go extinct never having sung a song.

It's like a bell that doesn't ring.

Just a sad and useless thing.

Wow, that was a Gene Simmons song.

Was it?

I was like, wow, that was pretty good.

I was like, that's poetic.

Yeah, because it was a World Without Heroes from the great Gene Simmons, who's right now being destroyed by a crazed mob of lunatics.

Yeah, but like, what if they came to you?

Because now they know

you have such a touch with the bird community.

Yeah, I know how to feed them, them that's for sure and they were like can we put this bird in your home and maybe that you can like sing to it

and try to teach it how to sing

yeah do they have tapes of like what it sounds like and then he can try to mimic that yeah

why me

like how did they settle on this guy

listen to telepsy and dave they heard about all your bird feeders

So they know you're willing to put in the tongue.

Yeah, but they can just play a tape of someone who knows what they're doing in the lab.

Well, it needs that human contact.

You know, like

it resonates more.

And you also got to put it on your finger, like a little perch.

And

you got to sing with it right in your face,

like a centimeter from your nose.

Despite any avian diseases that may be blowing into your mouth.

And also, like, regurgitate some

some popcorn into its mouth

um yeah wow yeah i would do it i mean that's a lot of responsibility though because you know well i mean i'm gonna kill it it's gonna die because i can't

i mean i have three cats in this house there's no way this fucking thing is gonna live

it is interesting too that um that oh shit where was i gonna go with that i totally lost it forgot it yeah but you know i thought that was a sad story because there's really no hope

But

there is

a group of people who have taken up the cause to try to teach birds how to sing.

And I maintain to you that those people have never heard a podcast before, that they're fucking so bored with their lives that they're looking for, teach birds how to sing.

Oh, why, man?

That's nice.

Come on.

It's so fucking important that you think you could teach a bird how to sing.

Another species.

There are a lot of like those Dr.

Doolittle types that like

animals.

Yeah, like Timothy.

Timothy Treadwell, the fucking grizzly man guy.

It's like, see how it went for him?

So rather than, so you think that the, like, rather than give a shit about these animals, they should just listen to podcasts?

I just think that there's something lacking in your life that you're like, you're going now teach birds how to sing.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I mean, it's just kind of like it's a, it's futile.

But you have a chance to

bring a beautiful song back into the universe.

Back on the planet, something that hasn't been heard probably.

Yeah.

All right.

All right.

You're convincing me now.

But like the hours that you probably.

It's not probably like you do it once and the bird picks up on it.

You got to put in the hours and the

years.

Maybe even years.

Listen to what you're describing as hard work and dedication.

For some reason, you two want to shit all over.

There's no payoff for you

that you heard a song.

I mean, you heard a bird chirp.

No, the payoff isn't that you heard a bird chirp.

The payoff is that you heard this fellow living creature on this crazy spaceship we call Earth rediscover its song and like put it back out into the universe.

Like somebody might hear that song.

I don't know.

I don't think it's just about being a loser with no fucking earbuds to listen to a podcast.

Well, anything, I think, is more interesting than teaching a bird how to sing.

You must look like a real tool, though, while you're doing it in your house, though.

Yeah.

I don't know about that.

Why?

Because, come on.

They're lonely.

The people that are doing it are definitely lonely.

It's like older women, right?

So what?

Got divorced.

They're lonely.

I'm sorry.

I'm not in the dating scene anymore.

You've never been lonely?

For me?

Yeah.

No, I've been alone.

I've never been lonely, though.

Ooh.

You're looking forward to getting it.

Yeah, that is pretty good.

That's owning it.

Oh, definitely.

Thank you.

That's definitely a lyric from another song.

It's the Great Ace Freely.

I don't know.

I thought it was an interesting article because I'm just like.

But wait a minute, man.

Like, I thought this was the new Walt Flanagan.

I thought this was, like, positivity and, like, not shitting on things for no reason.

Like, these people are dedicating their lives to, like, helping these birds reclaim their voice.

And you could just as easily say, that's beautiful, man.

That's nice that they found something that that's important to them.

And they're dedicating and they're helping these other living creatures.

I thought that was the new Wall Flat.

They're doing it for themselves, though.

Yeah.

You don't know that.

You're assigning that to them when you don't have to do that either.

You could assign the other two and just be like, what lovely people.

I just feel that there's bigger and better causes out there that will impact more.

Yeah, but there's always on this planet, though, than this.

But there's always a bigger and better cause.

There are humans who need to learn how to talk.

Yeah, but like you name a cause and there's a bigger cause in it.

There just is.

You can't care about every cause, so you got to celebrate the people that do care about each cause.

I fucking mock them on a podcast.

Like, like, Q, you had, you had the stroke.

Like, let's say it had been much worse, and you're like, oh, now I need to relearn how to talk.

And they're like, oh, sorry, the person that was going to help you is off teaching some fucking extinct bird how to sing.

Yeah, he's, he's, oh, wait, he's down at the bird singing?

I mean, what am I going to do?

There's got to be somebody else that could teach me how to talk.

It's not just

one person on the planet.

I don't know.

I agree with Brian, though.

I just feel like this is that kind of like that

where

we put these things onto ourselves that, like, oh my God, I'm the only person that could ever touch this other species' vocal cords.

It's just like, come on.

Come on.

Do you know what it's more likely that they're like, well, nobody else is going to do this?

Not I'm the only one that can do it.

Isn't it that you said that this bird is.

It's never been done, though.

So to date,

a human being has never taught a bird how to sing.

But everything was never done once.

Wait, this bird is the last one of its kind?

Well, it's one of the few that's still left, and none of them know how to sing.

Oh, none of them know how to sing.

I mean, look, I might just be four RH beers in, Walter, but I will say this: like, I thought, and I'm feeling like you gotta, you gotta, you gotta recommit, bro.

To what?

I thought to the positivity, man.

I'm still riding that vibe.

Yeah,

I lost it already.

You know, you fall and you stumble and you need someone to pick up.

Quick, though.

All right.

Well, I mean, that was a fast thing.

You need to teach me how to sing.

Yeah.

All right.

See, this is what I'm doing.

Yeah, that's what you're doing.

So that's why I never bother with positivity.

I'm like, it's only going to come around anyway.

So fuck it.

Why am I going to waste this week being positive when it's only going to go back to the negative anyway?

Oh, man.

Walt asked a question.

We

also, oh, you know what?

I want to do, Walt, is thank every single person who's on Patreon.

Because I know people who have podcasts and they do Patreon.

And throughout this whole COVID thing, their numbers have dropped precipitously.

And that has not happened with us.

In fact, more people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Definitely,

we should be doing this more often is thanking those who are on there.

I like to thank them with deeds, you know, I think not,

you know, not, but we should be doing this more, but like, you you know, getting the stuff out there on time every time, no, no late, no misses

in the years.

So, like, you know, that's how I

feel like is, you know, but you're right.

We should be thanking them much more often.

Yeah.

So, so thank you to everyone out there who supports it, and I hope that

it is.

Yeah, it's weird.

I do get a lot of stuff.

When I look at some of these other podcasts, too, I'm like,

they hardly do anything.

And like I look at ours, it's like the weekly shit that comes out.

It's crazy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

it is uh, it's a level of uh professionalism, boys.

That's what it is.

Nice work, you guys.

Getting things out on time, yes, yeah.

And it's uh, you know, it's it's a three years.

I don't know how long it's been, it'll be three years this July, yeah, but no misses, knock on wood.

That's that's

but isn't it weird?

Like, it shouldn't, but the fact that

people

started paying through Patreon to support the show adds like a weird feeling of legitimacy, doesn't it?

Isn't it weird?

Like, it's like a veneer of like,

wow, I can't believe like this many people kind of dig it this much to kick in like a few bucks here and there to like allow us to unfold our dreams in other directions.

I mean, you guys, that you know, that Batman thing we did was so much fun.

I think about it all the time.

Oh, yeah.

How much fun we had that day.

Yeah.

And that's just because people like what we're doing enough to

fund us doing more.

That's crazy, man.

That's pretty awesome.

Yeah, it's a nice validation

of all the work you're putting in.

It is.

And let me tell you something.

It's a different thing, too, because having the TV show on True, it's like

True pays us.

You know what I mean?

And they'll end it when whatever...

Fucking analytics add up to this isn't worth keeping around anymore.

You know what I mean?

This is different.

This is like a person, an ant, being like i love you guys you know i love listening to you i want more of you i'm gonna dig into my pocket and give it to you guys like that's such like a fucking way cooler

way cooler feeling man

it's a bigger connection yeah what a hundred percent a hundred percent yeah it's great yeah so great which is i've always said ants ants are the you know my favorite uh i always stop i always stop for the ants i would teach an ant how to sing

that's not a waste of that's not a waste of time are you talking about a crippled listener of the show or an actual man

so yes thank you um but but why i bring it up is uh recently on patreon we were doing something uh we were talking about puppets and stuff and one of the questions we didn't get to but i've been thinking about ever since great i like this ever since was uh walt had a question would you want to be a puppet who do you want to be a puppet who sees the strings or doesn't

and i thought that was i've been thinking about it ever since i fucking read that question i'm not even kidding philosophical question

you know

isn't that a good one that is a good one

you guys want to think about briar you've been thinking about it so let's hear what well i've been thinking about

i can see it i can see the wheels turning it's it's a rough one because there because if you're not seeing the strings you're you're subscribing to the ignorance is bliss which Of course, I do agree with sometimes.

Absolutely.

Ignorances can be fucking awesome.

It really can be.

Like,

you don't know, so it's not affecting you in any way.

And if you're not suspecting anything, you know.

But seeing the strings, which I think at times I do, I don't see every string that's out there.

I know I'm a fucking puppet for shit that I'm like, wait, oh, fuck, I didn't even, I didn't even realize it, you know?

But there was just like to see the strings is then means this constant fight against

being that exact puppet and if you can't fight against it it's like you just end up feeling bad about yourself you know so it's really like I think I think I would like lean towards not seeing the strings I think I lean towards it a little bit yeah Brian Johnson wants to live in a world of make-believe yeah because I'm a matrix as far back as I can remember I've been an incredibly cynical and I'm sure as far back as you can remember I'm an incredibly cynical person and it doesn't get you far sometimes being a skeptic about everything.

Though a lot of times you do suss out a bunch of bullshit, you know.

What about you, Q?

I think when I see younger, I think most younger people would say, or when I was younger, I would say I would want to see the strings.

I think you look around when you get older and you're like, am I happy with the way things are?

I am.

I don't need to see the strings.

You know what I mean?

Like, I don't need to see them.

Like, just pull, just tug away.

I mean, but there is something like, if you know that you're a puppet on strings being pulled, and there is a release of

guilt or responsibility or

like if you're not responsible for your own behavior or your own way of thinking, let's say, then

you almost don't have a conscience.

Does that make sense?

Yeah.

Like, like, you just don't have a conscience.

So, I don't know.

I think I would

not want to know.

At this point in my life, I think I would just be like, I don't want to know.

I want to not know.

I don't want all these philosophical things weighing on me.

Right.

Anytime you open up a newspaper or turn on

a news channel, it's like

that's where I see it, where I'm like, they're trying to manipulate me.

Like, these headlines, these stories, these fucking news stories.

The amount of actual news in the New York Post is almost none whatsoever.

They're just stories.

They're like, here's something that happened.

And one time it was like this kid was, he's like 16.

He just got his license.

He goes,

his mother calls him.

She's somewhere.

She needs a ride.

He runs out

into the driveway, gets in the truck, goes to

pick her up and ends up driving over his two-year-old niece and killing her.

Okay?

I read that story and I'm like, how the fuck is my life better for having read that?

How does that information help anyone?

Well, maybe it makes someone just remember that story and maybe be a little bit careful, check behind your car before you go out.

I would agree on that level.

It's the only way you can point.

It's the only way you can spin it.

And I wonder, was that the writer's intention?

Because probably not.

They love the fucking horror show.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, you can't go to the paper without being like, oh, my God.

Like, I can't believe this shit.

So, we got two votes for no, you don't want to see the strings.

Uh, don't want to see the strings, and I agree with Q.

I think, like, as a younger man, I would be like, No, I want to know it all.

I want to know what they're trying to get over on me.

Yeah.

You know, and it's like, whatever they're going to get over on me, they've already done it by now.

So, by the way, if I think that I've caught them, that means I haven't.

These motherfuckers are slick, and that bit, that machine has been running for fucking thousands of years.

Like, I'm not going to be the one that gums it up.

Like, I could just fucking

hope for the best.

I'm going to vote just to be, just to,

I feel I really do lean towards, I would want to see the strings.

At the end of the day,

I would not want to go through my life

and then think about it as it as it, you know, as it's winding down that, like,

what, I mean, what was real and what wasn't.

I would still,

no matter what the fallout might be, I say that now, but I still think I would want to know and I still would want to be able to base decisions and how I live my life knowing that, you know, seeing the strings, though.

Like my entire life, I was a dupe.

Yeah, yeah.

I just feel like

it could be a bad decision on my part.

Most likely it would be, but I still think I would lean that I'd want to see.

I would want to know, though.

I would not want to be in the dark or feel like I was totally in the dark for my whole life.

Yeah.

But so many are.

So many people are.

And that's the thing.

Like people who are on Twitter and they read something like, oh my God, this happened.

Let me fucking retweet that.

Let me like that.

Like, sorry, man, but you're not seeing the strings.

Yeah.

I mean,

the reason I killed this question on the Sunday Jeff show was like, I mean, they're literally, I thought Jeff would be literally talking about like Pinocchio and fucking

and howdy duty and shit.

I didn't think that, like, I just thought it was a little bit too deep for that show.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a great question because I'm not even sure of my answer.

Like,

I I don't know.

Especially if somebody,

since someone posed a question to you, you know that there are strings out there, but you said, I don't want to know them.

So you're constantly reading.

My thing is like...

The itch is always going to be there.

The itch will be there, but I don't read like, like, I'm really good at, like, when I, if I start reading the news.

Two, three days in a row, and I start getting upset at shit or fucking angry of shit of just being like, I'm not reading this and putting it down for like months at a time and just kind of getting my news.

So I think a lot of those strings I've cut out of my life.

So I guess I don't know what, like, what are the strings, I guess, that we're avoiding?

Well, I thought, you know, you guys were thinking patriotism bigger strings than I was thinking.

I was talking about, you know, just like in your life, like just taking out the garbage and shit.

No, just like people in your life, like, you know, things being revealed to you that you had no idea about, like, just like

just be, that's how I saw it.

I didn't see it as like, you know, like, oh my God, now you're one of the Illuminati and you know how everything works.

I was thinking more on a much more personal level.

Oh, like, you mean more like people manipulating you?

Yeah.

On a personal level.

Gotcha.

And how, you know, how we don't know people that we think we know really well or yourself.

Yeah.

Well, that's a different question then.

Much more, way too heady

for the Sunday championship.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, talking on that level, then, yeah, I think I would want to see the strings.

I wouldn't want to be made an asshole

like, constantly.

It's kind of weird because, like, like, if you're like, how would you feel if

you were able to see this?

Like, what if you found out through like a journal reading or going through an email that there's nothing going on besides it, but like, Mary Beth was like, wrote in a journal, like, thinking about Ted.

You know what I mean?

Like, one of her ex-boyfriends and was like, man, that was a

no, no, no.

And was like, that was like, that was, man, I missed, that was a great night we had up by the fucking lake.

Like, you know what I mean?

Like, would you want to know about that?

Or would you, like, if you found out that she was reminiscing about Ted, does it drive you insane?

And these are things, though, that, like, I imagine most people,

most normal people do,

even if they're completely 100% happy in their current relationship, they will reflect upon something of like a good memory from their past.

You have to.

It's your life.

Yeah.

Yes, but yet it will still, but it's still.

Is that enough, though?

Like, even though you know it's a normal behavior, or is it still like.

Yeah, but it feels like betrayal regardless.

Right.

It does.

Yeah, well, Q, you know me better than anyone else on earth, including my wife.

So I think you know the answer to that question.

Yeah, that's why I asked anything positive about Ted.

There's going to be fucking big trouble.

That's what I was looking for when I posed the question.

And I would drop it like a month later.

Like if we're doing something, I'm like,

this is fun.

I'm like, yeah, as fun as that fucking night at the lake with Ted, you fucking bitch.

Which I guess then is me copying to reading her journal.

But it won't matter for the next 20 minutes.

Oh, it's going to be a lot longer than 20 minutes.

Like, what was so great about it?

We've gone to the lake.

Well, I have to read something to our little marionettes out there.

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Oh, yeah.

She's nice.

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All right.

Little Green Chef action.

What else did I have here?

Let me see.

Oh, Q, would you be

concerned for Walt if he bought one of

Cooper a $5,000 handbag?

Yeah, I would be concerned for Walt.

Because

Paris Hilton bought

her puppy a $5,500, I think,

hair maze.

I don't know how you pronounce it.

How is she still able to afford stuff like that?

What is she working on now

where she's making the kind of money where she can afford a handbag?

Because she's kind of fallen out of the

public.

She's notorious names that you hear.

I can't believe this.

I just saw something about her today.

She started like an NFT

art

series.

So she's in on the NFT game now, boys.

So she's an artist?

Yeah.

She works with a digital artist to take visions out of her head and turn them into digital art that you can now purchase.

She still looks like, you know, she doesn't look like she aged at all.

Well, I'm sure that picture is very Photoshopped

or filtered or whatever it is that people do.

Yeah,

I think that she's while she's not as publicly active anymore, she's still, I mean, she was one of the ones making money, huh?

Still making money.

She just came out recently because of the

some interview that she did with somebody way back in the day.

And

people, you know, when people used to mock her, Sarah Silverman made a joke about her going to jail and the bars are painted like cocks or whatever, and that's why she wanted to go to jail.

Then Sarah Silverman

apologizes like 20 years later for the joke, you know, oh, that was wrong.

We shouldn't have been joking around about Paris Hilton.

I'm like, have we all fucking forgot who Paris Hilton is?

She was what they used to refer to as a celebutard.

Somebody who was rich and just went out and was like, you know, like a

socialite.

A socialite.

I never heard that term.

Celebutard?

Oh, yeah.

What's his name?

Prez Hilton.

You know, like those kind of sites, those kind of languages.

Prez Hilton used to call people celebuts.

Oh, all the time.

Yeah.

That's funny.

Remember, he used to draw pictures of their cum on their face and all that weird shit.

Oh, yeah.

That's bizarre.

Fucking.

Yeah, it's something that that guy

got away with.

That they do that today?

No, I don't think he does that anymore.

He's apologized for bullying celebrities

since then.

There you go.

That's where we're at.

It's a kinder and gentler world, man.

But the follow-up question is: is it crazier to buy a puppy a $5,500 handbag or for Cardi B to treat her daughter to a $29,000 shopping spree,

including a bag that was, let's say,

so a vanity case for $4,600,

a pearl string, pearl-studded drawstring purse for $4,300,

a little flap bag for $3,800, earrings for $475.

Like, you know, it goes on and on.

$29,000 for a fucking two-year-old.

Two-year-old?

Yes.

Wow.

that means that they they're not even able to pick it out really then no that means though the mom is picking all that stuff out it's all status simple shit yeah yeah and you can't you can take the tact of like hey man that money would be better going to charity which i don't really subscribe to you should be able to do whatever you want with your money regardless of how everyone else feels about it but it is pretty fucking ridiculous you know but if you but if you're going to subscribe to that you know it's her money she can do whatever you want you really you really just got to keep your trap shut then in this instance you got to That's why I'm going to you guys to see which is fucking weirder.

Well, I could defend her right to spend her money however she wants, while at the same time being like, that's not how I'd spend my money.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, would you buy your cat a little handbag?

No,

I would spend like money on my, like, a lot of money on my cat's health.

You know,

vet bills and stuff get pretty high around here the older this fucking cat gets.

And I'm sure I've spent more than the average person.

I'm sure I've spent more than enough that enough people would be like, he's fucking crazy.

He's just put those cats to sleep.

You know?

Yeah.

And it's a fucking street cat.

But don't you think, though, in her line of work and in her field and her fan base,

that has more an impact, like that story getting out has more of an impact and is more

positive for her fan base than it is like if she was to go donate it to like Greenpeace or something

yeah like it's an investment in her image yeah right don't you think it's like it's like she probably made all that money back when people read that story and then rushed to go buy more albums from her or bought some shit that she bought you know like she like she's generating uh income for people all over the place just by buying something then everybody wants to fucking go and buy the same shit i think yeah i think that that like if she were to like be like and then get you know kind of righteous about it you know i think it would be

it would hurt her probably in her pocketbook to donate the money i think it actually helps her and and gives her more longevity in in her field or especially with her fan base right to act this way and to spend the money the way she did

it's not a bad point all right what do you think about that it's crazy uh but i think the whole question is is kind of odd to begin with because, like, really, what we're doing is weighing the value of what she bought against the value of what good she could do with that money, right?

Right.

But once you that could be, what do we need to live and survive?

Like, like,

we're any by that moral standard, anybody who pays for Telem Steve Dave Patreon is just as bad as Cardi B because any money could be better spent helping people than doing fucking anything.

I'm so glad I went on the record.

You should be able to spend your money any way you want.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, so for anybody to, like, like, the people who buy Cardi B album could have spent that money better doing fucking anything else with that money.

They could have fucking put it in an envelope and mailed it to Africa.

So, for any one of her fans to fucking get all high in my, I mean, isn't that the problem with today?

Everybody's so fucking righteous, but nobody stops to think about their own behavior is what the old Brian would say.

The new positive Brian would say, hey, man, you know, let's all just get along.

But really, it's like,

it's like, what the fuck?

It's like, you can't make judgments on people.

Right?

I mean, that's what.

I'm only a guy who's been drinking for about three hours now.

I don't know what to tell you.

That

is

something that will never end that whole cycle of like, well, you could be doing this with the money.

And that's like when the richer somebody is,

the more they're likely to be attacked in that fashion.

Kardashians, I saw Chloe Kardashian doing an ad.

You see it on Pluto Wall?

She and her kid are in it.

And I'm like, these guys are fucking geniuses, man.

I heard that she crossed a billion-dollar threshold, Kim.

Oh, Kim Kardashian?

Yeah, she's worth a billion.

Fucking good for her.

This is not me fucking 10 years ago.

But Kim Kardashian, I'm just like, God bless her.

Fucking who the fuck cares?

I've been telling you for years, man.

I think they're geniuses.

They fucking turned it into a billion dollars.

Do you think it was them, or did they have just like some genius people running this stuff behind the scenes to make it?

I think you got to be smart enough to listen to the right people no matter what.

You don't think it was the mom who was

the mom, but like they all had to kind of sacrifice their

privacy and dignity in a lot of ways.

You know, they had to make that decision, and the result of that decision is billions of dollars.

You know, I don't know.

No, don't, just one billion.

Just one billion.

You know, I mean, watch any episode of Impractical Jokers, and you could see my dignity die a slow death.

And I, uh, you know, I promise you, I'm making way less than anybody in the Kardashian family.

Yeah, the fuck, what was I just going to say now?

Kardashians related.

Shit.

Let me say Tom Steve there.

Yeah, go ahead.

I totally forgot in a sec.

You really want to go out that doddering?

I know, don't you want to.

I just crap my pants.

Please don't knock me out.

Just tell him, Steve Dave.