#470: The Cult of Tom

I was like, I wanted to see Chris Penn dance.

He was walking around without his shirt on for a fucking, a really weirdly amount of time.

Dude, you might chub up look out

Chub up Steve Dave hello and welcome to this week's edition of tell him Steve Dave.

I am here with Walt and I am here with the recently rehabilitated, reinvigorated, and reassimilated BQ.

He's back in action.

Hey, I'm back.

I mean, if back means just sitting here in my fucking house all day, but yeah, I'm back.

COVID-free?

Well, it's past 14 days, so I don't have to take a test.

It's just assumed that since I had it and I'm out of the two weeks, that

I am

COVID-free.

Wow.

And with the antibodies flowing through my veins, now I'm learning that that means nothing.

You still have to wear a mask.

You still have to fucking act like

you're a fucking mask.

They brought me there.

Why can't they just make one mask that's thick enough?

Like, why do I got to wear two?

Like, now they're just clowning us.

I agree with you, Q.

I think we are being clowned because I just read an article about Biden.

Biden tells Americans to wear masks for COVID-19 until at least, at least, 2022.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't really, look, I'm going to be wearing a mask the rest of my life.

It's fucking awesome.

Are you doing it even in public everywhere you go?

Especially in public.

Well, you're a famous guy.

Yeah.

You're not a good litmus test.

I can't wait.

You will never see me in public without a mask again for the rest of my life.

You'll have like 10 masks covering you up so only your eyes show.

It's going to be awesome, man.

My time is.

Just wear a pillow over your face.

Look like Jason in part two.

This is great.

I could go into tech shops now.

I could go in all sorts of places that you don't want your face being seen.

It could be great.

Is there a peep booth still in Manhattan?

Because I want to hit that shit up.

I feel like they have gone the way of the dodo, like many

businesses of New York.

Yeah, I was, I went to, I was in one of them once in a peep world, peep show world.

Oh, show world?

Yeah, Kevin and I went there a long, long time ago.

It is, it was disgusting.

It was so weird.

It was like you were in this room, this well-used room,

with like a scratch eplexiglass, and then like a bank teller's thing that you could slide your money under.

But it was an octagon.

It was it like that when you went?

Like, it was like there were like every, you could see into the other rooms.

You could see other people, yeah.

Like, jerk it off, look at this chick.

And the girl's like,

and she could tell, I guess she like had a, you know, she knew the difference between like some guy that was there on a lunch break to jerk off and some high schooler that snuck in that was like, what's going on in here?

That's willing to accept seven other pairs of eyes as he jerks off.

No, I ended up.

So somebody was missing an eye on that.

Seven pairs.

You never know, though.

It's Show World.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, Q, you're not willing to, like, you have this small window where you are like,

you're like,

who's the dude that was in Unbreakable?

Bruce Willis.

Bruce Willis.

Yeah, like you really have this small window where you could walk into like maybe even a leper colony and walk out unscathed.

Like for like two weeks, I think you probably got so much great antibodies running through your system, you can go anywhere on the face of the earth.

Now's the time to do that missionary work.

I'm going going to not be on the next two episodes.

I'm going to be building a well

in

Mozambique.

Take faster, Pikachu.

Take faster.

No, that's the bummer.

You still have to act like

you can't.

It doesn't free you up to do anything.

I think it does.

I just think

you're not willing to

just go ahead and do it, though.

I mean,

you are impervious right now.

It may end by next week, but right now you are like,

like I said, man, you're unbreakable.

But isn't that saying that you could still carry the virus and give it to other people?

That's not your problem anymore, bro.

You paid your dues.

I'm living in a world of other people's problems, Dad.

I was doing a little math.

It looks like if you were to take the entire American population, like every case that's happened and then the cases that have people have died from, it does look like it's about a percent and a half of people die.

Now,

I'm no virologist, but I have to imagine that 1.5% of people die from many other things too.

So I don't get the like, let's, like, it's just become accepted now, the mask thing.

And I get you.

And I get Asian people because they were doing it before anybody.

They were doing it first.

Cool.

But your average Joe, right?

I'm going into Target or something.

Well, I mean, I think they have to cover their asses, though, these corporations and everything.

So, yeah, you're not going to see the masks go away anytime soon, though, in terms of like having to go into public places.

It's not going anywhere.

Yeah, you're 100%.

I think it's 2022, if not longer.

Right.

And they're just like, do it.

Yeah.

And you got no fucking choice in life.

That's anybody who's like, oh, you're free.

It's like, no, you're not.

You're not.

Every day they pass more laws, more rules, more edicts, more fucking legislation, man.

We're not free, dude.

Not in the least.

You're free to go fuck yourself if you don't want to wear a mask.

But

if what we're being sold is, you know, is is accurate, this is going to, at one point, all pay off, though.

You think?

You think we'll defeat COVID?

All Biden is talking about is being patriotic now.

Whereas before, being a patriot, you were a patriot, you may as well be a fucking commie.

I also read somewhere, and this is purely, this is something I read

online, but that

companies that are coming up with

the vaccine have special,

no pun intended, immunization from legal ramifications.

You didn't know that?

No, I just read it today.

Yeah, I heard that going.

That was back in the old regime.

They passed some things that are like, okay, we'll make it, so hurry it up, get it in production, make sure we'll hurry this up, and we'll give you immunity to any lawsuits

if there's a bad reaction or shit goes south.

Right.

And that's going to happen with any given.

I mean, yeah, you got to weigh

the costs of waiting for eight years for

a vaccine or trying to speed it through in a year.

Yeah, I saw a lady who said that she had taken both vaccines and she had a walker.

And this is a younger lady, this lady

in her 40s, and she had a walker and she was shaking like it was an earthquake and she said it was because of the vaccine.

I mean, what a fucking bummer.

Well, I know two people who got the vaccine from

closely.

One,

Tom Milazowski of the Sunday Jeff Show, he was knocked on his ass with the second dosage, he said.

Oh, yeah.

First dosage, no problem.

Second dosage, he had to leave work because he couldn't keep his eyes open.

He said he and he went and he fell asleep for like 12 hours.

Huh?

Frank Five just got it yesterday,

and he has said that he has shown no side effects whatsoever, no fatigue, nothing.

He's as chipper as he's ever been.

Knockwood.

You got the second shot?

You got the second shot already, yeah.

Yeah, I feel like,

you know, knockwood, but I feel like Frank Five has roach-like qualities about him.

You know, like, he's going to be just fine.

When do you think you'll be

now that you have COVID and you had it, and do you think you'll...

want to come down and record in person when we get the new place going?

Or do you think you will still be like, you know what, let me just do some more remote here?

I'm a little,

I like, I like when I like coming down, I like when I come down.

Um,

I'll just still wear the mask, you know what I mean?

What am I gonna do?

And you're, but you really probably are safe, though.

I mean, you're not gonna no, but I'm worried about you guys.

Like, what if I, yeah, but yeah, yeah, that okay, yeah, but I mean,

yeah, okay, that's admirable.

Like, what if, what if, what if, what if I'm on, like, we start shooting IJ again, and like I get it, but I'm asymptomatic because I have it, and then I come there and I give it to you guys and then you give it to your families.

Like, I would feel pretty shitty.

Yeah, but we were, you were coming down before that, and I was willing to take that risk, though.

So, of course, I would I would not hold it against you.

But I was wearing a mask.

Right, but I wasn't.

At times, sometimes I was, sometimes I wasn't.

So, I mean, you, I mean, I knew the risks of you of repotting or coming into contact with people.

I go to work every day, so it's like I I'm just.

not sure.

You don't wear a mask at work?

Huh?

You don't wear a mask while you're at work?

Well, you have to.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

But you know what?

When

somebody was not in the store, though, we took our masks off.

Yeah.

Yeah, we didn't keep the masks on seven hours a day.

If like, if somebody, if the store was empty,

we were just like, yeah, we took them off.

I just couldn't deal with having it on seven straight hours, though.

Right, right.

All right.

It's too much.

Too much to expect of a person.

Q, I don't know if you saw the photo from the Pucknuts the other day, but did you see Walt Flanagan posing with a can of RH?

No, yep, check out Ming's Twitter feed.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, Ming's been Ming.

Let me tell you something.

Ming's really been, he's been a good pal to me.

That guy's been pushing RH weekly.

I assumed that he was on retainer at this point, the way he's been pushing it.

He is not.

He is not.

Wow.

He's just being a pal.

Yeah.

Not bad.

I own.

Now I got to start doing things like that for

shared universe.

It made me wonder if you were inspired, Walt, by Tom Brady, who could barely walk straight at the Boozy Super Bowl parade.

Well, I was holding my beer before that news came out.

But yeah, some people were like, some people on Twitter were like, what do you think of your golden boy now?

What the fuck?

What do you mean?

What do I think?

The guy deserves as many fucking beers as he wants.

What do you think of your golden boy?

It's like he's walking a little bit.

I don't know.

There's a video of him right here.

Yeah, he had some sea legs.

Right.

That's all.

I mean, why wouldn't he?

Oh,

wait a second.

I mean, you're saying sea legs.

It looks like he's being held up.

Yeah, he looks a little plastered.

He's not Alex Lewetchkin plastered from when they won the Stanley Cup, the Capitals, but he, yeah, that's, it was, it was a strange sight to see because in the previous six Super Bowls, you didn't see him drunk at the celebration.

You didn't see him getting frog marched in front of a bunch of fucking fans and shit.

Why would that be on the boat, though, until he's sobered up a little?

Give him some coffee before you bring him out in front of the thousands of people

grinning like the Cheshire Cat and having to be held up by his buddy.

But we should celebrate that, man.

We should celebrate a guy who's like, fuck it, man.

I won the Super Bowl.

I had one too many.

And now I'm fucking here to say hi to you guys.

Yeah.

Right?

Yeah, that guy's great.

Like, it humanizes him, doesn't it, in a way?

Because he's a superhuman.

People are like, now fuck, they're angry at seeing it because they're like, damn, now that I hate him, but that's making me like him, they said.

Was it an RH beer?

I tweeted that.

I said, somebody asked me, how would you feel if Brady was holding up an RH beer while during that footage?

And I'd be like, I would be so excited for BQ because I'd be like, he could fucking retire off all that beer money he'd be making.

How do I get him to do that?

Why don't you just Photoshop it?

Yeah, somebody out there could do that, right, for me?

Yeah, like RH.

It'll take away your C-legs or something.

Oh, I thought it was going to be like RH.

It'll help you win a Super Bowl.

Yeah, that's better.

Well, if Red Bull could get sued and successfully over, it'll give you wings.

I wouldn't write that.

Yeah, you might.

Super Bowl might be copyrighted.

Yeah, but I'm not writing this

fan art.

It's going to win a championship.

But it's fan artwork.

well i thought you could use it in a market i'll repost it but i'll be like ha ha ha isn't this funny a fan made this

now i maintain that brady um wasn't as drunk as everyone makes it out to be because i feel he's like

he's like bruce lee you remember when bruce lee was at like the

the most fit body on the face of the planet there wasn't like no fat on him there wasn't the but you you know, he wasn't must, he was muscular, but he wasn't like, you know, Arnold Schwarzenegger muscular.

He was cut beyond cut.

Yeah, he was the most purified body on the face of the planet.

And I think Brady is the next Bruce Lee.

And the rumor was that Bruce Lee took an aspirin, and that's what killed him because he couldn't take the impurities of the aspirin.

And I think that Brady probably had one sip of beer.

One RNH beer, one delicious RNH beer.

You're just saying a sip.

Just a sip, and that's what happened because, you know, the alcohol hit that perfect godlike system

and just played havoc with it.

You know what, Walt?

I'm not arguing with you about Tom Brady anymore.

I texted you the night of the Super Bowl.

You did.

I was texting him throughout the Super Bowl.

This is the first Super Bowl I ever watched from beginning to end.

It's the only one I ever really cared about because of Walt.

Yeah,

I told Puck Dutts, I thought it was nice that you sent me a text before the game, said you were rooting for Tom Brady.

I thought that was very sweet, you know, because I needed the support because I really didn't think that he was going to be able to pull it off.

I even told you, I was like, I hope he's got one more miracle in him.

Yeah,

I'm on board, man.

I'm with you.

I'm in the cult.

I'm in the cult of Tom officially.

I want to publicly apologize for any disparaging comments I might have made him.

I was joking over the years, I was joking, but I still said him and I got to take responsibility for it.

So I apologize to Tom Brady.

I think Tom would accept that apology.

It's sincere.

Thank Thank you.

Thank you.

He really could start a cult right now, right?

I'm telling you, I would join.

The guy knows what he's doing.

Well, isn't that the TD-12 program?

Isn't that like cultish?

It is kind of cultish, but if he was like, you know, but if he started to go like the evil way, because he's not evil right now, and be like, you know, like, BQ, if you're going to join my cult, I need 50% of your income.

But then the government's a cult.

Is that a different 50%?

No, after whatever, after what was left after the government takes our money, then you got to give 50% of that to Tom.

So for every $100

after the government, after Tom Brady, he gets a quarter.

That's not including agents, managers.

But hold on a second.

That's not how it works, Brian.

It's $100

split four ways between me and the rest of the impractical jokers.

That's it.

So I'm at a quarter to begin with.

And then the government takes half of that, and then agents, managers take 15% of that.

And then I walk home with a sweet 10 cents on every dollar.

Now Tom's sticking his nose in.

Tom wants his taste.

And now a nickel's going to Tom.

Worth it, though.

Worth it.

Isn't that how Scientology works, though?

I don't know.

I think they take a big portion of your income as well, though, depending upon the percentage of what you make.

Obviously, somebody like Cruz,

if they're they're even taking money from him anymore, they may not be because he's the king.

He's like the face of the whole organization.

He's basically, I would imagine, he's Jesus Christ in the Scientology world, right?

He's got to be like

the

most important figure you look up to and is be like, you know what,

if you play your cards right and you do what we say, you can turn into a Tom Cruise.

Be like, bullshit.

Oh, I don't think it's bullshit.

The people who think that, who are joining Scientology,

no, I believe those people.

Yeah, I would sit there and I'd be like, bullshit.

I'm going to be the next Tom Cruise.

Well, in your field, like the Tom Cruise of podcasting.

Tom Cruise of podcasting.

All right.

I think that's Joe Rogan.

Brian,

let's say Scientology reached out to you, Brian, and was like, look,

we can do it for you.

We can make you the next Tom Cruise.

And they show you the plan, and it looks like it'll work.

And they're like, but you got to be a Scientologist nut and you got to give us

everything you make.

What's up?

Did I use the word nut?

Is that what you said?

A Scientologist nut?

Yeah, you got to be a Scientologist nut.

Like not like just like, you know how you, I have friends in Scientology and they're a little intense and I definitely notice a change in their personality from before they join to after.

But for the most part, like they're still the same.

I would say 80% of them is like, hasn't changed.

But like you have to do the Tom Cruise thing.

You have to do like the fucking badge, the medal they gave him and the fucking blue sash and on TV going, we're going to do it.

We're going to save the world, and I need you to do it.

You got to be as the best.

You got to bring the intensity to everybody you meet.

You got to meet, lock eyes with them, and you got to tell them, like, you know what, I know a better way.

So basically, I'm an Amway Seldom.

But you're also Tom Cruise level rich and famous and

without much power in Hollywood.

Well, I mean, how is he going to achieve that podcasting, though?

Achieve like fucking

superstar level of movie star fame.

No,

gonna put him in movies they're like brian's debut is gonna it's gonna be mission impossible nine he's gonna do my own stuff

i think they're like yeah you're gonna be in mission impossible nine you're gonna be like his computer sidekick

watching like you guys and watching kevin at even at your level of fame doesn't seem fun It seems like there's way too many people approaching you all the time.

You're fucking Tom Cruise.

You think you're fucking staying in your house now?

You would never leave.

You would never leave.

Well, no, my buddy did some plumbing work for Tom Cruise in Manhattan.

Whoa,

yeah, and he cleaned out his shitter, huh?

Yeah, so it was this building in Manhattan, and he wasn't.

They said, if you see Tom Cruise, you're not to look at him.

Like, you're not to talk to him, do not say anything to him.

And when he schedules, they scheduled when he came home, all the workers would have to leave the house.

Tom Cruise would come in, go home, go inside, and go to his office or whatever, and then the workers could come back in.

And my buddy, he left his tools up there, but he was done for the day.

And he was heading up to get them.

And they were like, no, no, no, Tom's on his way to the building.

You have to wait out here.

And he's like, no, I'm done for the day.

Like, all I do is grab my tools and go home.

He had to wait two fucking hours

before he could go get his tools.

So Tom Cruise has got it worked out, man.

He doesn't give a fuck what the little guy thinks of him anymore.

No.

If the little guy even has an opinion of him, like he just seems so like like i think people have written him off as like all right he's nutty but he's good at what he does oh he's excellent i mean you know it's like you always want another mission impossible movie i mean you could just fucking force me to feed me nothing but mission impossible movies from now to the end of my days and i wouldn't need any other type of movie fuck star wars fuck uh marvel movies i'd rather have mission impossible movies really that's that's an interesting choice yeah i really loved them yeah because i mean the marvel ones i mean you know what though, I haven't seen

any of the trappings of the current Marvel movies in the Mission Impossible movies, if you know what I mean.

And I'll just leave it at that.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, no, you're right.

Because Tom don't give a fuck.

Tom don't give a fuck.

Look at me now.

I'm hungry with the building.

Fuck it.

I got to go see it.

I don't know.

You have to concede.

He looks at the fast and the furious thing like disdain.

He's like, oh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I also just want to make clear in case he's listening, like,

almost certainly not.

I was going to make them the meal.

I don't disagree.

I don't disagree with him making my friend wait two hours so he can get to his bathroom and not being bothered.

Like, fuck my friend, though.

Like, I agree with him.

I would do it too at that level.

Why would it take two hours, though?

It was like he's coming into the building.

But why is it two hours?

He gives a window.

That's what I asked.

He gives a window.

He's like, I'm going to be home around two o'clock.

So they clear out an hour beforehand and an hour afterhand just to make sure he has that runway to come home.

Gotcha.

Can I just play devil's advocate on Tom's side here?

I tell you, I've had some, and the few times I've had some work done at my house, it is so annoying.

Well, they're coming into your bedroom, of course.

Oh, yeah, it's so annoying when there's people, strangers in your house.

And I would love for that to be able to have that kind of juice to be like, Deb, I'm coming home in two hours.

make sure there's no workers here

respect my window

why why is it taking you two hours to come home from red bank

don't worry about it i'm tom cruise now

i have to um issue somewhat

meaculpa retraction i don't know yeah i guess so an apology not that she ever heard it but remember i was like pam's a pathological liar yeah

I think I need several times.

Yeah, I think I need to clarify it more.

It's not because I thought about it afterwards, and I was like, that really makes her look pretty awful.

Like, because a pathological liar will lie about anything, and that's not the way she is.

Like, what she will lie about, and this is pathological, is in an effort to not be wrong about something,

she will lie and lie and lie regardless.

And dig her heels in, even though, like, it's ludicrous.

Right.

Absolutely ridiculous.

So, anybody who, you know, if you happen to meet Pam and she says, hey, I'm Pam, she's probably telling the truth.

But

why are you, this is unlike you, though, to carry this like almost two weeks later to be like, now to like.

I remembered it last week and then I wrote it down this week.

Because it wasn't like something that happened or she caught wind of this.

Oh, no, no, nothing like that.

Nah.

I just wanted to do a little.

That's nice of you.

Man, Culpa there.

You know what?

You might not want to use this on the show, but I'll just bring it up anyway because it's true.

there's something that your mom did once that it's been five years, and I, I, I think about it once a month, and I can't wrap my head around it, was when you got those um bills from the IRS that were like, you owe money, and then she just hid them.

Oh, right.

So, so you wouldn't find out and get upset.

I, I, when you told me that, I'm like, I don't even know, I don't know how to process that as a, as a lot, as a choice.

And I think, and I just think about it sometimes.

I'm like, I'm like, what's going on?

I'm like, so when you talk about Pam, I always think about that.

And I like your mom.

Like, your mom's very sweet, and she's always very nice to me.

So I'm not going after her, but I can't wrap my head around that.

It confounds me to this day.

Yeah, she does loony shit.

She does loony things.

But in her mind, she's making the right choice.

Yeah, I believe so.

I don't think she's like, I'll fuck him over.

We'll see you in federal prison.

No, no, not at all.

But she's like, I don't want to see my

little boy upset about

the almost $500,000 bill he's going to be.

Right, yeah

it's like if I just if I just throw these in the lake it'll all go away

oh my god you would see me in the lake if it were half a million I owed

did you guys see the video of the guy killing that couple

no I don't watch these things

this was like mainstream stuff oh you know what dude I haven't looked at the news since the election I have no idea what's going on in the world

I have no idea what you're talking about.

It was a couple in Pennsylvania, and

they were, it seemed they had, there was bad blood between them and another neighbor.

And the couple was shoveling snow and kind of throwing it like towards the guy's property, and they had words back and forth.

But the video picks up with them arguing, and the guy from the couple

is yelling.

He's like, you know, I'll make your life a living hell living here, and I'll fucking knock your head off your shoulders, and all this other shit.

They're going back and forth.

And so the

guy who's not part of the couple, he walks into his house and he comes out with a gun, comes out with like a, it looks like a shotgun, I think.

And

instead, like if you're, you're arguing with your neighbor and they come out with a shotgun, what's your move?

Go inside my house.

You retreat back into your house.

Call the cops.

Yeah.

So you don't approach them going, do it, do it, with a phone in your hand.

Well, that's calling, that's playing chicken on a level that like most people won't play chicken on, right?

Well, they lost this particular game of chicken.

It is, and it's weird, it affected me more than a lot of this shit that I see, like more than the cartel stuff, because the cartel stuff seems like a movie, it doesn't seem real.

This was like a suburban neighborhood, like yours or mine.

Maybe not yours, Q, you're up there, but say me or Walt, you know, just like a little

neighborhood, and the guy comes out with a gun.

there you know the guy says go ahead uh what are you gonna do and the lady's going do it do it he then fires off a couple rounds hits the guy in the stomach it looks like the guy retreats immediately he goes back and like you he falls out of sight by his garage and then he takes a shot at the lady and it looks like he takes her knee out and she's like ah god hits the ground

and uh then shoots her again while she's on the ground.

What did she do to deserve this?

She was yelling at him, calling him a scumbag.

I think it's like it was part of the ongoing, it wasn't just the guys that were warring.

It was the couple versus this dude.

Right.

So

they're on the ground now.

You can't see the guy.

You can see the woman.

The dude goes back into his house, comes back out again with what appears to be an assault rifle, says to the lady, you should have shut your fucking mouth.

Boom.

Shoots her in the head, I think twice.

Then he walks out of sight to the guy where you know the guy is, and he's like, who's the pussy now?

Or like, I'm a pussy, huh?

Like something along those lines.

You hear,

oh my God.

Then he goes back into his house and kills himself when the cops show up.

I mean,

total waste.

Total, total waste.

But it really made me think like, because I'm constantly yelling at people.

You never know who you're fucking with, man.

You never know.

But something like that, like, if I had that level of bad blood with

a neighbor, which, you know, when I lived with Pam and Edgar, you know, when I was a kid, we had, you know, there was a neighbor that we had bad blood with.

I don't think.

I can't imagine that an 80-year-old woman ever coming out with a gun and shooting you, though.

I don't think so, though.

She probably would have liked to have.

It just, yeah, it was like very relatable, I guess.

Wait, what?

You're just like, it could happen.

If that guy had, you know what?

And this is a dangerous time to do it, too, because like everybody's on edge.

You don't know what's going on beneath anybody's skin in today's day and age.

Everybody's on edge.

Everybody's like fucking touchy.

Everybody's in this weird fucking social experiment right now.

It's like crazy, man.

So, yeah, like, you know, it would have been like if that guy had just killed himself instead of his neighbors, that would have been a good day for his neighbors.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

They would have been.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, definitely.

But I agree with you.

I think, like, if there's one thing that anybody could take away from this episode is like, like, we should really, like, kind of like

come on the side of, like, give, give people

a little bit of extra kindness, maybe, or, or let things go a little bit more exceptionally.

At least a little latitude.

Yeah, yeah, maybe you never know what somebody else is dealing with.

And maybe if you just don't quickly jump to, like, I'm being disrespected,

and you just kind of take it like, you know, like a little bit of water off your back.

What if it's in your DNA?

Do you remember?

I don't know if you remember this, but do you remember

when I lived on Barbary, the same street you lived on?

Across the street from me,

there was a house of a very young couple.

And me and my wife, we were young too.

I don't even think we had any kids yet.

This had to be early 90s.

And one afternoon in the summer, I pulled it, and my wife was, and my mother, I've lived with two women that were like hell-bent on people not parking in their parking spots.

Oh, that's a big thing in our town,

with women.

With women, yeah.

It was crazy.

And I would be like, Well, how is this your parking spot?

It's like it's on a public street.

And if I went down,

I knew better to ever make that argument to either one of them after I said it the first time because I was brow beaten

into like Jesus.

Oh, Mr.

Needs Arrive Everywhere.

You're going to tell us where to park.

So I was never a person that was like, that's my spot, or I have rights to this spot on this street just because my house was close to it or anything.

But my wife did.

And we had two cars at the time.

And I came home and it was just around dusk and the sun was coming down.

And I got out of my car because somebody was in the spot I usually park in, but I didn't give a fuck.

I really didn't care.

Honest to God, on my mother's life.

But when I got out of the car, I looked towards the house to look at the sun because the sun was so bright and orange, it just caught my eye and I had to squint and look at it and this fucking this lady comes running out of the house like fucking leatherface in Texas Jackson

who the fuck are you looking at what you got something to say because we're parked in that spot and like fucking attacking me wanting me to be like to ratchet up and be like I don't know what you're talking about I said I go I don't care that you're in that spot You better not fucking care because my husband would be home in two seconds.

And I'm like, I don't give a fuck if you parked there.

I said.

Oh, see, like, even hearing that decades later, I'm like, all right, tell them to come the fuck over.

I swear to God, as God's eye witness, that happened.

And I remember my wife being like, so angry.

And I'm like, who cares?

I don't give a fuck about the spot.

I never cared about the spot.

I just wasn't willing to let it be a big thing, though.

That's so funny that she was like, you better not care.

Like, it's so funny.

Well, it is a real, like, and it is almost like, I've never heard Edgar say it, but I hear Pam say it.

Oh my God.

My mother, Q, for

when we moved the Highlands in fifth grade,

which would be 1982,

till about 2002, so 20 straight years of if my mother went to down the corner to get milk or something,

we had to put cones out in front of our house and be ready, like, and be and be on, on, like, I'm going to come back in five minutes.

No cell phones or anything.

So, like, just be ready to take those cones out of here when I get home so I don't have to get out of the car

just got to stand out there in zero degree weather waiting for her to come around the corner to run out and move the cones now in fairness to your mom uh you did live next to a restaurant and people would park on your street

and give you no room at all so a lot of times like in in that town in highlands where we grew up it's like Your parking place,

it's a birthright and

it's right in front of your house, right?

It's not down the block a little.

It's right there in front of you.

You can can see your car yeah there's no better explanation of how like how it was like

it was everything it consumed every resident of highlands your parking spot

well i get it we we dealt with that on staten island because it's like you're taking the time to dig that spot out Oh, no, this was in the fucking 80-degree weather in summertime, too.

Oh, my God, really?

Oh, this is 24-7, 365 days a year consumed.

Like, we better not go out because somebody might park in our spot.

We literally would be like, we're not going to go there because I know someone's going to park in our spot.

We got a good spot right in front of the house.

We're staying.

That is funny.

I do remember a box truck parked out in front of my house when I was living with my parents as a kid for two weeks.

A box truck.

And we were like, every time we looked out a window, we just saw like a rider truck or something.

And we were like, what the fuck?

We ended up calling the cops.

I thought it's like the FBI or something.

Yeah, we ended up calling them.

We were like, get this fucking thing out of here.

And then it just disappeared.

But you never had that kind of

feeling where you were entitled to a spot.

I'm lucky where I grew up.

There were more spots than houses because there were lots on my block that were undeveloped.

And you could park like seven cars in front of it.

So there was never really an issue where I came from.

But it is a Staten Island thing.

It's a known Staten Island thing that people get into brawls over parking spots.

Can you imagine that?

No.

Yeah, but my mom

finally got a driveway after Sandy.

She left her house and I was able to put a driveway underneath the house, like a little garage.

And she's never had to worry about that parking spot ever since.

Isn't that nice?

Yeah, it's a peace of mind that, you know, I think is going to add at least five years to her life because

the way that she was consumed about the parking spot, I was like, I'm worried about you.

Q, I know that

deep down,

you're romantic.

Oh, yeah.

Whenever we get together, you love talking about love.

I love love, man.

I'm a big fan of it.

The older I get, the more I believe that that's the reason we're here.

Do you love love more than lust?

It's not crazy.

I mean, one's less fun than the other.

I mean, you know, if I had to go in one direction, I'd rather go in lust, but sure.

All right, let me reame that.

Lust is the reason that we're here, but I thought we were leading to a commercial, so I was trying to give you a wind-up.

We are, but you know what?

I mean, how do you not lust after someone when you see them in their Miundis, right?

Oh, Miundis.

They got those sexy patterns on them and stuff like that.

Prints, all kinds of stuff.

Miundis released their V-Day collection in undies.

Show that someone special, how much you care and say those three words everyone wants to hear: match my undies.

And if you're single, no problem.

Show yourself some love and something that makes you feel amazing because you deserve that.

So you're not getting left out on Valentine's Day.

Most important day of the entire year, right?

Most important holiday.

I mean, so fucking.

I've never once celebrated it as an adult.

I saw that the city, New York, is opening up 25% of the restaurants, or like 25% capacity on Valentine's Day.

It's like,

how are you going to get a seat on Valentine's Day, which is, you know, that and Mother's Day are historically the most busy days.

I mean, Valentine's Day, I went to one place once, New York Lane, and they had added 60% more tables.

So it was like you were just sitting next to people.

Like, it was like a feeding trowel.

And I was like, let's get out of here.

We're not doing this.

It's the worst.

And that was it.

It's just so stupid.

It's such a scam.

I went out.

We went out for Mother's Day once, and it was like a two-hour wait.

And I was like, no, no, let's just stay home.

Let's hang out in our Miundis.

Yeah.

Done.

We're back on Mother's Day.

Yeah.

Cam and Edgar.

I'm sorry I called you a liar.

Your Miundis look really, really nice.

You wouldn't say that.

Does a mom look good in her Miundi's dad?

Come on.

Come on.

Edgar, you live?

Somebody get a mirror.

We all love Miundi's.

Over the years, we've made no secret of that.

I got Miandi's socks on today and underwear.

Really?

Yeah.

You're doing the whole thing, man.

They have all kinds of stuff.

They have,

let's see, Miundi's undies.

They're made with sustainable, breathable, soft, undersoft fabric and available in a range of sizes, extra small to 4XL.

So they got you covered.

Miundi's membership gives you and your boo.

Do people, are people still calling their girlfriends or boyfriends boo?

You really do not think it's recording to you?

I just sound so hollow right now.

I just don't know if it's recording.

I can hear him perfectly.

He snuck out his phone.

I heard him perfectly.

He snuck out his phone and he's recording himself over there.

I mean, I'm hearing you through the soundboard, Walton.

You sound perfect.

Okay.

So you've got new undies or socks every month.

Members get discounted pricing on everything Miundi's makes, as well as early access to major print launches.

Here's the great offer for you guys.

Any first-time purchasers, you get 15% off in free shipping.

Myundi's also has a problem-free philosophy.

If you're not satisfied with any product for any reason, they'll they'll refund or exchange it.

No caveats and no questions.

So, to get your 15% off your first order and free shipping, go to meundis.com/slash T-E-S-D.

That's meundis.com/slash T-E-S-D.

And on the tail of that, let me tell you to also follow at T-E-S-T-E-S-D town on Twitter and Instagram and follow the Tellum Steve Dave Facebook page.

And there's going to be all kinds of updates or stuff coming up, Walt.

Very cool stuff coming up.

For us?

Yeah.

Not Miyundis.

We're going to Meundi's.

okay yeah now we're talking about us again yeah i have i have some big news q whoa i have a date to for everybody to circle on their calendar um

february 18th our web store will be going up at some point i don't know if when on february 18th but on february 18th it goes live with all new merch oh

nice we've got like six shirts we got the got the full four color demon the full back patch back in stock the little oh

i've been hearing people ask for that Yeah.

Yeah, I got those back in stock.

I have a bumper sticker.

What else?

We got a four-color demons trucker hat.

Oh, shit.

Oh, get out.

The same one that we've been making.

The one that you were

a couple weeks ago.

I love that hat, man.

That's my new one.

Yeah, so you go to tellhemstevedave.com.

On February 18th, in place and order,

you can see all the wares.

I got some models to model all our stuff.

Well,

that's loose, right?

I heard that female models were forbade.

That is not true.

That's what I heard.

From who?

Tommy Lincoln said that

with the female stuff, it's like, hey, you want to take some pictures of Mary Beth or something?

You're like, we don't need them.

Dismissed it.

And your history dictates how far we've been.

Because I don't know when you're going to get the photo.

So I'm like, fuck it.

We got Sunday Jeff.

That's all you need, baby.

That's all the sexiness you need to sell some merch.

We gotta get him.

You remember when Kevin used to have Amy model for the viewer site?

I thought that was funny.

And they were all fucking, they were hot pictures and stuff like that.

Made you want to buy everything because she was so hot.

And, like, we're like, here, look at Sunday Jeff.

Yeah, he looks like a pile of mashed potatoes with a four-colored demons hat on.

Who does?

For Sunday Jeff.

No, he does not.

Is he ripped?

I'm here to tell you right now that the motherfucker, he was he's got guns now.

Oh, does he?

Oh, yeah, he's the fucking Hebrew hammer now, man.

He is fucking ripped.

The way you see these pictures, Q.

Remember, forget all about girls.

Remember that lust I was talking about?

You're going to fall in love all over again with Sunday, Jeff.

No, but like, there was me and Sunday went out to dinner the other night, and we went to a restaurant that

there had been a shooting at recently.

And this is very out of the ordinary in our area, but there had been a shooting.

And, you know, Sunday heard about it, and he was like, wow, I wonder why there'd be a shooting here.

He goes, I wonder if we should be worried.

And I was like, Well, I'm not worried.

I go, Look, I'm fucking sitting next to you with those fucking pythons.

I got nothing to worry about.

No one's gonna fuck with us.

He really looks great.

He just made the decision to get into

shape.

Yeah, he's

definitely like, you know, like a little mini Arnold going on here.

I don't know if he's fucking taking any kind of like chemical shit to get these muscles.

Oh, yeah, he's all rooted out.

They're gonna fucking kill anybody who shoots us.

He looks awesome, though.

Now, get him.

That's the like that's the upshot as much.

Wow.

So that's it, man.

The 18th.

We'll keep people updated by Twitter.

I'm sure you guys will tweet some links or whatever.

But like, I maintain

that we don't need cheesecake with the beefcake that Tale and Steve Dave Town has to offer.

I don't think we need cheesecake.

I just think we need to let girls know, hey, here's how a shirt is going to look on you.

As opposed to

that.

Fat, get him.

I mean, I know we don't need it, but can we just have some?

Just a little.

Just a smidge.

Walk to my house.

Go on your porn sites like Urban Outfitters if you want to see that shit.

Softcore.

Porn sucks.

February 18th, look for it.

And I believe you're talking, isn't it American?

Is it American American Outfitters?

That's the porn.

That's basically porn.

They're the ones who have all the hustlers in their store, their flagship store.

Urban Outfitters?

No, Urban Outfitters doesn't have it, but I think there's another one called American

fucking.

What is that company?

It's out in L.A.

You would know it.

American Eagle?

Not American Eagle.

It's the one where they have like, they were getting in trouble because they're...

Their models look like waifs and they're always wearing like see-through shirts.

They're highly sexualized.

I haven't heard of this.

American Apparel.

American Apparel.

There we go.

Now that everyone's sat through that fuzz, I fucking lose my memory.

American apparel.

Yeah, and I saw some other websites.

Dude, you might chub up.

Look out.

Whoa, holy shit.

You ain't kidding.

And then

our real store, our brick and mortar store queue, is very close to opening.

That sign you showed me looked so great, man.

I was excited to see that.

Yeah, it looks really good.

I want to give a shout out to

the guy who

gave us that sign.

He gave it to us for free.

A listener, you know, really, like, I mean, I didn't ask for it for free.

I told him I would pay for it, but the guy is such a cool listener.

He said, nope.

He goes, for all

the hours of entertainment that Telme Steve Davis provided, he said the least he could do was give us that sign.

Yes,

it's really cool, right?

Justin Christensen, Christensen.

I think that's right.

Christensen.

Yeah, he provided the sign, and I can't thank him enough, and I'm sure you guys echo that sentiment.

No, of course.

Absolutely.

Thanks, Justin.

That's cool.

Yeah, but we're almost ready to go.

I think the store may be,

depending upon some late inspections that the stash has to go through, it could be next week at some time.

I was there late last night, you know, getting the place ready with Giddam, helping us out.

He's like Bob Vila.

Okay.

He knows everything.

He really does.

He really, I mean, well, come on.

I mean, we bust his balls about being 148 and being like, you know, I'm going to know-it-all and everything.

But when it comes down to it, he fucking does know almost everything.

Anything you ask, he's like, okay, I got it.

You know, people hate to hear that.

If we want to be smart,

we should get

Chuck to do a Sunday Jeff workout tape.

Oh, that'd be a good idea.

Sunday workout.

Yeah.

Yeah, like Sunday workout.

Just

have him bring us through.

Like they used to have those Jane Fonda tapes.

Just gonna say Sunday Jeff.

Like guns of steel.

Yeah.

How great would that be?

You could do an infomercial for it and everything.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't know if he'd be up for it, but he's like Billy Blanks, remember that fucking black dude.

Oh, yeah,

he's back on commercials now.

He's got a really great commercial with Progressive, I think.

It's like

insurance or something, or maybe a windshield thing.

I can't remember, but yeah, he's the boxing guy, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

You don't have cable, you told me.

No, I don't.

But I just remember him from

he's on a commercial that I see almost daily.

Great, really funny commercial, really amusing.

Tweety.

Susan Powder.

Remember her?

Blonde with real short hair.

Real short hair, yeah.

Another one.

All right.

Sunday Tech exercise video.

I think he would do it because there's nothing more that people who get in shape like than showing off that they're in shape now.

You know what?

I don't think you're wrong about that because yesterday when we were doing the photos, he was walking around without a shirt on for a fucking, a really weirdly amount of time between you had to put the shirt, the other shirt back on.

I have a feeling our shirts are going to be like those boardwalk shirts where it's like airbrushed, like abs and shit onto it.

I gave him a large, and he's like, you don't have a small?

Did he shrink?

No, he wanted it tight.

Oh, he wanted it.

He wanted wanted to show off the pythons, man.

Wow.

Yeah.

He's worked hard to get them.

Put them in a tent.

This isn't going to work for me.

It's going to work for Sunday, Jeff.

He also has that high energy that you need to take people through a 45 to an hour class.

Did you hear Walter?

Oh, we get like 80s graphics and stuff like that for it.

Leg warmers.

Oh.

Yeah.

Oh, leg warmers.

But I imagine if he legitimately brought people through his workout, there would be people who'd be like, I'm going to do the Sunday Jeff workout.

I'm going to do it.

I think you're right.

I'm going to get that to happen.

Pitch him on it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He doesn't have to pitch him.

He'll suggest it and Sunday Jeff will go, okay.

Look at the shit he does.

Especially now.

That's the old Sunday Jeff, bro.

This is the new Sunday Jeff.

He's an alpha now.

You're right.

You're right.

I didn't even think of that.

Did you hear Walt won the lottery?

No, what?

Yeah, they're opening up a new Chick-fil-A next to us.

Are they really?

Want to see that?

Does that excite you?

And the family?

It'll be nice to have a Chick-fil-A within like 10 minutes of home rather than, you know, a half hour in either direction.

But I know the place is going to be like a like they're giving, yeah, like they're giving away money when it opens.

Yeah, I think you're right.

And it's such a weird area, too.

It's not convenient to get in and out of that little

spot.

I think it's going to be a logistical nightmare.

Did you guys know about the Chick-fil-A secret

opening promise?

No.

When a Chick-fil-A opens, if you're one of the first 100 people in line, you get free chicken

for life once a month.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, it's like this secret little thing that nobody knows about.

So that's why when you see a Chick-fil-A like

lined up at the Wazoo, a new one, it may be because they're on the inside and they know that like they're going to get a special membership that allows them to get a free lunch.

Once a month.

Once a month.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

That's what college kids do, though.

That's something that would be fun to talk about when you're in your college, right?

Oh, yeah, you're in some of your buddies?

Yeah, for sure.

But if you're over 40 and you're desperately trying to get that free

monthly Chick-fil-A lunch.

Yeah, and it's not like we have a homeless population in the area where it would work out for them.

I don't know if I should say the name of the

Nationwide Sandwich Company

that everybody knows.

We did a commercial for them, and the reps on set that day were like, hey, man, and they handed me a black card with the logo of the place on it.

It looked like a credit card.

And they're like, this is free for life.

And it has $100 on it.

And then when it gets down, you go on this website or you call this number and they top it up.

No questions asked.

And you can do it for the rest of your life.

Blah, blah, blah.

Free for life.

I'll bet you that's what their pitch man wishes he was.

So

I went to the local one to use it one day.

Guy had no idea what the fuck it was.

He finally tried to run it through like a gift card that said he had zero balance on it, so he wouldn't give me anything.

And I was like, but

I was like, but it's free.

And he's like, no, no.

He's like, it's a gift card and there's nothing on it.

Does he know who you are?

no didn't give a fuck so I paid for my sandwich

threw that card right out I had no clue where it went because I'm not gonna call up subway I'm not gonna call the sandwich place and be like exactly I'm not gonna be like hey man you remember the time you said you were gonna give me free sandwiches for life

like I where is it like you can't be that guy so I just got fucking

You can't have your assistant do it?

I just think it's it's this was years ago at this point.

So I didn't even have an assistant then, so I just tossed it.

A very similar incident happened to me from Tellum Steve Dave.

We had mentioned KFC, or I in particular had mentioned KFC, how I love the smell and everything.

And I got a card in the mail from a really nice listener who was like, this card has

like a crazy amount of money on the card, she said.

You know, $500 worth of KFC credit is on this card.

You know, I love Tellum Steve Dave, and I know

guys, you said something nice about the company I work for, so I got this for you.

That's nice.

It was really nice.

And then when I went in there,

I went, no, it's still not her.

I'm guessing it was the inept management when the KFC I went to, and I tried to use it, and the guy was like, there's nothing on here.

And I was like, no, there should be $500 on there.

And then when I shouldn't have said that, because as soon as I said $500, he was like, what?

$500 is supposed to be on here?

And I was like, yeah, you know what?

Maybe it was $50.

I have bad eyes.

Because

I knew I was going to be in for a grilling if I said 500 again.

Nice pun.

And at the end of the story, though, I wasn't able to get any.

I had to pay for it.

And the credit card is in my glove box.

I have never used it since.

Never tried it again?

Never tried it again.

Yeah.

Why do we keep getting taken like this, man?

Why don't we get our free sandwiches and chickens?

I think they're probably individually run stores, though.

And I think that

there may be

a breakdown of communication between these stores and corporate.

That's the only reason it has to be.

But when I worked at Blockbuster Video, it was very rare, but there were people who got a magical Blockbuster card that was free rentals and no late fees.

And in the years I worked at Blockbuster, I only ran across it like twice, but we were trained on it.

We were told what it was, and that's what that sandwich card was.

And

we ended up making a sale.

I imagine, though, like, like I said, if you own your, if you own your, like, let's say BQ owns a KFC.

Yeah.

And here I stroll in one day and I got $500.

I'm going to take all the chicken for the day, and you're going to be fucking fucked.

You're not going to have any chicken left for the rest of the day.

You're going to be like, fuck you.

It don't work.

Get the fuck out of here.

It all shows up, and then it's like those Popeye memes where they run out of chicken too fast and everybody's upset.

It's guns blazing.

Drive their car through the front of Q's new fucking franchise.

Q, you may be able to answer this.

Walt, you can weigh in too.

Is it weird for me to travel by myself?

Like not a con.

Not somewhere businessy, but if I were to be like, I just, it's too cold.

I can't take it.

I want to go to Florida for two days.

And then Mary Beth stands behind and watches Sage.

I mean, I'm sure as your wife, I would be like, well, I'd like to come too.

But I don't think that's out of bounds or unreasonable at all.

She told me to go.

Just because you're married, you're not supposed to fucking take mental health breaks for yourself?

That's insane.

That's the thing, though.

It feels weird to travel without her.

But at the same time, I can't wait until I can.

I don't think so.

I don't think there's anything.

Look, every marriage is different, right?

If she's saying go, go.

Yeah.

Yeah, why not?

I don't know.

It's just like it feels weird for some reason.

When you're going.

Well, you don't think that's going to be it.

I don't know.

You don't think there'll be a point where she's like, look, I want to go home and see my family, and then she goes, and then you're home watching the kid?

Yeah, I mean, that'll definitely come up.

But it's just, I don't know, it's different her visiting her parents than me just like going and hanging out, which I wouldn't want to go anywhere.

No, I remember when Kevin was writing Clerks 2, he would would like drive to Vegas and hole up in a hotel and ride over the weekend.

I always thought that was a really good idea.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm going to say, go for it, dude.

Go for it.

Go for it.

It's nothing.

That's not bad, right?

Yeah.

I think I figured out.

Remember, I was talking about how I constantly think of mortality all the time.

I believe it may have to do with getting married.

Because think about

what they call them, not touchstones.

The thresholds.

the uh like in the land landmarks yeah these um

i know there's a word for it but landmark is pretty good now i don't think so what's the word i think it is landmark

um touchstones that's what i was thinking but i feel like there's another word but anyway everybody knows what we mean milestones milestones milestones that's the word yeah it's what you're saying uh you know landmarks better like you know all right we'll go with landmarks fuck everyone else uh you know you have like you know you you you graduate high school and then you get married and then you have a kid and then you have another kid.

You know, it's like there are certain

landmarks, as you say, and

I hadn't hit any of them until I got married.

High school?

Well, yeah, I graduated high school, but I mean, like the normal, like I didn't have

an average, I guess.

Well, you have never been one to subscribe to normal, though.

I mean, society has never been able to put a fucking saddle on Brian Johnson.

Damn right.

And they tried.

They tried to ride me.

Sons of bitches.

Like, eat hay, motherfucker.

Never.

And you have never been one to be like, I'm going to live by society's rules.

I mean, Sunday Jeff would feel like.

I'm over there in a mask, though.

You almost broke his brain when one day he's like, How does he have a car, a house, all this stuff?

He hasn't worked in decades.

I go to work every fucking single day.

I get up at 4:30.

He's like, you almost broke him.

I remember being there one time when he was just like, just looking at me like I'm like some kind of alien species.

Yeah, but I was sitting around.

I was like, I think that's it.

I think like once I got married, I'm like, oh, okay.

Well, now this is the rest of your life.

Whereas I just like, up to that point, I just treat it as like, well, this is life.

Right.

But it's like open-ended.

But it's like, okay, now.

It's finette.

Here's the little bit.

Here's the

course.

Here's the course.

I thought you were fucking around.

I saw the word in my head.

I never said it aloud, though.

I think, buddy, like you,

based on the sentence you just said, without saying anything else, I think you better book that trip to Florida immediately because

the adjustment in your own life that you're now dealing with, remember, your main job is to keep, and it's not always going to be easy, given fucking everything I've seen in the world, but like you have to keep your marriage as a positive in your life.

Like you can't let it get to a place where it's just like I used to be able to do whatever I want.

I used to be able to go to Florida whenever the fuck I want.

Like you can't do that or else it'll be a cancer.

So you got to go to Florida.

Yeah, I think, I mean, I hate to use the word impediment, but I think like Sage has been

more

Sage has stood in the way of more of that kind of stuff than Mary Beth ever has, or would probably.

Simply, sure, but Sage has been around.

She's been around for a decade plus.

15 years now.

She's got a lot more cock blocking to do than Suzanne has.

I mean, then

that dynamic to him.

Beep.

You know why

I'm not used to talking negative about

Mary Beth?

That's why when I was talking about impediments, it instantly went to Suzanne.

Yeah, no, she was like, oh, do it, do it.

And it's actually good that the first one got canceled because I had made arrangements but i was supposed to do that thing with uh i was supposed to do a podcast with a certain group of guys and they canceled at the last minute but then we did puck nuts so it's good that i did stay around it really is um i'm glad because i don't want to miss that kind of shit and it's even though it's two days it's like whenever like i do like this it's like boom that's the day that something is going to need to be done exactly yeah uh but now i got a project i'm working on with waltz so much like kev i would like to go down there bring it with me work on it down there just like completely like i don't have to fucking worry about bringing the recycling can in.

I don't have to worry about getting up at fucking six to make sage her fucking egg sandwich and get her dressed for school and all that other shit.

You know, I don't have to set her timer at night.

I don't have to do any of that.

You know, for two straight days.

For two straight days, which doesn't seem like a lot now that you say it that way.

Oh, my God.

I'm done for cure.

Surrounded by two travel days.

We got anything else?

Not really, no.

Let me see.

I think that's pretty much all I had written down.

Me and Q watched Flash Dance.

We never did get to that.

Oh, you watched that?

We did watch it together.

We watched it separately, but it was.

Have you ever seen it?

Wait a minute.

We did watch it together, but we watched it separately.

How does that work out?

Well, no, I was watching it, and I was texting him during it.

I was like, you have to watch this.

It's fucking insane.

I've seen it back in the day when it was hot.

Yeah, that's what everybody saw, but you got to watch it with current eyes.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

2021 eyes.

It's fucking insane.

The movie's insane.

First off, there's like, there's, what, five full songs where it's like it's a music video.

It's not even like it's a movie.

It's like, you know, what I feel and then she's jumping around that.

But the weirdest thing is like, she, look, and Jennifer Beals,

you you see her in that movie, and you're like, I understand why she became a fucking cultural phenomenon.

She was absolutely drop-dead gorgeous.

She was, but, like, she doesn't dance in the movie.

Every time there's dancing, it's someone else.

Yeah.

And half the times, they don't even bother to try and hide that fact.

There's a point where she does a breakdance move, and it's

as if it was in a naked gun movie.

It's a dude in a dress doing the

breakdancing.

And they just never address it.

You're just expected to watch it and be like, This is awesome.

Like, it's not played for laughs.

It's crazy.

And then, go ahead, Q.

No, no, no.

I mean,

her boss is like, she works as first of all, she's a 19-year-old drop-dead gorgeous hottie who works as a steel worker.

Steel worker.

And

everybody that's there accepts her, and everybody that loves her.

And her boss finds out that she does burlesque dancing, basically strip dancing.

And he starts going every night to see her work.

And you're like, whoa, like, also, he's 40.

You're like, this is really weird.

Like, he's legit stalking her.

But also, it's not just like, it's not a strip club, like you might think.

It is such a highly produced burlesque show for these, like, the

slobs.

What's that?

Slobs.

Yeah.

For a bunch of drivers and shit.

It's unreal how highly produced these pieces are for like each girl's burlesque set.

It's nuts.

Yeah, when nobody there is looking for the highly produced number.

You're like, take your fucking shirt off.

Take your fucking shirt off.

What happened to her, though?

Did she, she kind of disappeared, right?

She didn't really have any, like, a long career, did she?

No, she's, she was in the L-word.

She was in Devil in a Blue Dress.

She just did another series of L-word.

She was, she's been on, like, she's steadily worked.

She's definitely been like work steady since Flash Dance.

Without a doubt.

Oh, yeah, I just have her.

When I hear that name, I don't think of anything else but Flash Dance.

How old were you when that came out, Q?

10?

10 or 11?

So it wouldn't have been on your.

Would you have?

Would you have noticed the pop culture

ramifications?

Yeah, there was no getting around.

The dance was so popular.

The songs from the movie were like radio hit after radio hit.

Yeah, it was like, it was like that thing of her dumping the water on her.

You know what I mean?

There was like things you couldn't avoid about it.

But she's crazy.

Like, she's a crazy, like, as someone that's dated people that are crazy, she's like crazy in the movie.

She's oh, yeah, definitely.

Yeah, she's out and she sees her boss

driving another woman around town, and like without even asking what's going on, she drives to his house and throws a rock through his window.

And then, like, he shows up at work the next day at the steel mill, and she just starts fucking bitching him out in front of all his

workers or something like that.

And he thinks it's charming.

He's like,

it's weird.

It's crazy.

You watch those old movies, like I watched Car Wash recently.

Yeah.

And it's like, how is this a movie?

Like, how was it so popular?

Yeah, it's just a series of little vignettes.

And I get that as, you know,

as a way to present a movie, but I'm like, I don't understand why it was so popular.

I think the music, it was just

the right time.

It was just the right time of the,

in the, in the history where that would hit and it would just capture America's fancy for like, you know, let's be honest,

like a minute, yeah, yeah,

the song endured, but the movie, yeah, not so much.

But then you look, and there's like big names in it, you know?

Oh, yeah, Richard Pryor is in it.

Richard Pryor's in it, I think Carlin's in it, right?

Isn't he?

That's right, yeah, I forgot about that.

Yeah, you know what?

I watched Walt that that did, that I can't even believe I'm going to say this, but held up in a way that Flash Dance didn't, and it's going to take some defending.

But

Footloose

never saw Footloose.

Footloose has

that which Flash Dance completely lacked, which is

a charisma to it that you're like, wait a second.

All right.

I'm watching Kevin Bacon, a young, young Kevin Bacon, and he's

dancing dramatically.

And like the whole fight in the town is y'all can't dance in this town.

And like he's teaching his hick friends how to dance.

And it's just two dudes in a field like slow dancing with each other.

Like none of it should work.

None of it should work.

You should like Kevin Bacon after that movie should have walked down the street and just gotten beat up on like every street corner.

It just never should have worked.

But something about his performance in Footloose pulls together everything that shouldn't have worked into a way that made Footloose work.

Like you watch it and you're like, fucking hell, I can't believe I'm watching these two dudes learn how to dance and like practically kiss each other.

And I'm like, fuck, this is awesome, man.

Like, it's

anybody at home who wants a fun experiment watch flash dance and then watch Footloose like you I got into Footloose I was like I wanted to see Chris Penn dance isn't that the weirdest sentence I've ever said in my fucking life it really it has a charisma that that flash dance just didn't have it it papered over all the problems in the movie I thought Footloose and Flash Dance there were there are two movies that when we were young, there was a Atlantic movie theater, and that was at the time in the early 80s, to the mid-80s it was only one then it eventually it became two theaters but it's when they used to hold movies over for sometimes months like it was crazy like new shit didn't come out or these movies were so popular because it was before the advent of home video sure home video right that they would just keep these movies for months and you'd be like fuck man i don't want to go see foot loose i want to go see something good

but both of those movies oh q were

ginormous movies though of their day though yeah yeah they both are like you know, like everybody knows, even people who didn't even see the movie know what that movie is about, Footloose.

Right, but watching it, but watching them today, I can see why Footloose did.

Whereas Flash Dance, I could see why Jennifer Beals became a big name, but the movie's just such pure shit that you're like, how did people, how is this a phenomenon?

Whereas I didn't get that with Footloose.

Footloose, I was kind of like, all right, I guess I'm going to have to admit to people that I love this movie, but I was into it.

You remember the guy who sung all the songs, Kenny Loggins?

Oh, of course, yeah.

You got a little bit of Kenny Loggins going on with your look.

Yeah?

Yeah, right.

My eyes are, I don't have my glasses on.

I really can't.

I just see a beard.

That's all.

And I remember Kenny Loggins had a beard.

Kenny Loggins, remember Catty Shack 2?

Back to the Shack?

Yeah, I used to get into that.

That was back when movies had songs based on them, remember?

Yeah.

They don't do that anymore.

I wish they would do that now.

Kenny Loggins is, I mean, it's weird.

There's a genre of music that I just am like, I can't even believe they made a genre of this type of music called Yacht Rock.

I love Yacht Rock.

Oh, Q.

Q's a big Yacht Rock.

Oh, I love Yacht Rock.

Yeah.

Has there ever been a more feminine name for rock than Yacht Rock, though?

Isn't one of the fans on the IJ Cruise called Yacht Rock?

It's just called.

Yacht Rock.

It's great.

Sal used to throw, at the Clown Prison, Sal used to throw Yacht Rock parties, and we'd all fucking dress up like fucking

Thurston Howell, you know, like Thurston Howell and shit.

So, like, you know what I mean, with the ascots.

And, you know, we were in our 20s, and we would just go there and just get fucking shit face wrecked.

Everybody'd be dressed in like prom dresses and shit like that.

It was a blast, man.

Yacht Rock's awesome.

And that band that was on the IJ Cruise, like, they would come and play, and, like, you would just get into it, man.

I hadn't just, I did not know that this form of music or this genre existed until recently.

And when I heard it, I I was just like,

I mean, who would ever say that they're into yacht rock?

And I was wrong.

A lot of people, apparently, will say that they're into yacht rock.

A lot of admissions going on over here with Q today.

Tell them, Steve, Dave.