#467: Swan Song

I'll get him monogrammed.

Five?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You also

double dip on this motherfucker.

Tell them Steve Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's, the last edition of Tell them Steve Dave, being broadcast from 35 Broad Street, that is.

Boys, it's the end of an era.

I was going to say, they throw that phrase around loosey-goosey, I feel, the end of an era.

You always hear that, you know, regarding anything.

Is it apropos here?

Is it appropriate to say it's an end of an era?

I think so.

I mean, it might be

a less regarded era than, say, human history looks at eras, but

personally,

it's huge.

I was going to say, I would think it meets the standard.

The decade?

It raises up to the level of end of an era.

Like the Roman era.

The Ottoman Empire.

The Mongolian Lords.

Those eras.

Will it be any different, you think?

Once we have to settle into new digs, our own little spot.

Oh, yeah.

I don't think there's any doubt it's going to be different.

More comfortable?

That I don't know.

Come on, Mark.

You've got to have I doubt it'll be more comfortable.

If I'm going to be honest, I really doubt it.

I could tell already it's uncomfortable.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, good.

Same discomforts or new discomforts?

A little of some old discomforts and some new ones.

Some really new ones, unexpected ones.

I'm just like, wow, I didn't think that was going to happen.

The closing of the story is a bigger deal to you than it is to me and Brian, right?

Yeah,

I would think it would be a bit more significant to me because, you I spent 20 years here.

This was definitely, without a doubt,

the place I spent most of my time at other than my home.

You could make the argument that it was probably equal

when you...

If you take out sleep.

Yeah.

So I spent a lot of time between these walls, and it's definitely weird to...

to think that, you know,

I came in here today and Gidden was like, we need your keys.

They want your keys.

You know, that's just weird.

I had to turn my keys over.

No, will this new place have a bathroom designed for

employees that a nice bathroom.

I'm not saying not a Taco Bell.

Or a served Taco, rather.

There is a bathroom at the New Stash.

Let's hear about it.

But no one's getting that fucking key to that other bathroom that I have that Mike secured.

No one.

They're not giving it back.

They'll fucking buy it from my cold, dead fucking hand, like fucking Heston.

You should come back here just to use it, just to walk down the street.

Oh, yeah, whenever I need to use a bathroom, I'm going to use that bathroom.

That's where you're going to go?

Oh, fuck yeah.

It's only across the parking lot.

Why?

What's wrong with the bathroom there?

It's not as nice as the one that's over here.

That's the principal.

I don't see.

And I don't see, to be honest with you, I don't see Mike or Giddam or anybody actually cleaning that bathroom

on the regular basis that they have a cleaning lady at this one over here.

Right.

You didn't include yourself in that.

I feel feel like you don't see yourself cleaning it either.

You know, those lazy motherfuckers are not going to clean it.

No, there's more to it than that, but like, you know,

going forward in a new store, those guys are going to be more self-motivated.

So I don't see them

getting the fucking toilet scrub brush out and making sure there's a deep down clean.

And I just don't.

What do you think, Giddam?

You're not good at scrubbing toilets?

In summer camp, I would trade that.

Why the fuck?

Let me shower across a fucking room with nothing in it.

Go ahead.

In summer camp, I would trade that job off every time I got it.

Bathroom.

Latrine duty?

Yeah, I hated it.

It was my latest.

Well, who did you trade with?

Like, who's like, okay, I'll trade with you?

And what was the job?

There was another job called Runner, which was when they sounded Runner's Call, you ran to

the dining hall and you set up the tables.

And then during dinner and during all the the meals you got up and got food for everybody so that's everybody else hated that job i loved it so i'd rather do that than the toilets too

seriously so every time it came to my job doing bathroom i would trade it off to somebody else so yeah so i just no experience then i just get the feeling and and if i got that key why not use it right why stop using it it's it's a small two-second walk over to a nice clean bathroom that smells like heaven no mike and get him don't have that key right oh they have it oh they have a key too they could use it it too, but I mean, I mean, I mean, Gidham used a Portajan.

So that one's fine, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But yeah,

it's going to be different.

But yeah, this is a very strange

experience.

You've seen all those TV shows, the last episode of a television show,

how are they going to end it?

You know, there was Seinfeld.

People felt it was unfulfilling an ending.

Yeah, but this isn't really ending.

It's

moving down a block.

It's kind of, I mean, yeah, people keep saying saying that, but I can't get over the feeling that it feels like it's an ending now.

Yeah.

I just can't shake it.

Well, you're too old, I think, to get excited about the future of the store, right?

I mean,

like, moving is more of a pain in the ass.

It was

moving 20 years of garbage.

Right.

You know, that acquired that appeal to me.

Come on down to the stash.

There was a lot of stuff.

That basement was full of stuff that

hoarders would be like, oh, you got a problem, bro.

Like, Giddam was like, there's something going on here.

Did you toss a lot or everything made its way over?

No, not everything made its way over.

There was quite a bit that made its way into a dumpster.

Any gems that you were like, whoa, I can't believe we have this.

I mean, if it was a gem,

it wouldn't have been a bit of a dumbass.

It would have been on the dumpster.

No, I didn't mean the dumpster downstairs.

We found some Kompukmen pops that, you know, the very valuable comic bookmen pops.

We found a set of three, not a complete set.

Oh, who are you missing?

I believe Ming was missing.

Yeah, Ming was missing.

Butcher Ming stole it.

Oh, yeah.

That one's not missing.

Purloined is more of the word.

Yeah.

You think about

I was talking to Q about this, like, obviously I don't have any attachment to it as a store, but like Comic Book Men.

Yeah.

For, you know, seven years we did it here.

So that was more of my attachment, even more than tell him Steve Dave, I feel.

Which is weird because we have done a lot of stuff here.

Oh, yeah.

Every single video we've done, the White Castle hamburger eating contest, Ming getting hypnotized, the fucking fraudulent.

It's endless.

It's endless.

That's why it's like it's hard to shake that, like, that melancholy

morose.

Is that the right word?

I mean, if you're feeling that low about it.

Properly used, though.

Melancholy is good, yeah.

Yeah, it's, yeah.

I mean, it's, it's

true.

I mean, I'm gonna say it again, it's an end of an era until someone stops me.

Yeah, somebody fucking try to deny it.

I mean, how many episodes at Tell him, Steve, Dave?

At least 99% of them, I would think, were recorded here.

I mean, a very few were recorded outside the stash.

There were a couple, but not that many.

Like, one at a diner, maybe a couple here and there, maybe some at a shared universe.

Yeah.

Is this table going to make its way over there?

That's what I wanted to ask you guys.

I hope not.

No, you don't.

You guys don't want it?

Oh, I like it.

I would.

I think, let's put it to a vote.

Well, I think we already voted.

I really was going to bring it over.

I felt like, you know, like it would be the,

it would be nice to bring this over,

you know, but maybe that's just me, you know, being feeling like, again, melancholy.

Yeah, I mean, I look at like Mike and Ming's table.

Yeah.

Over at Shared Universe, and I'm like, no, that looks professional.

That looks nice.

It has fucking crumbs and shit all over it all the time.

Like, every time we come down here, it looks pretty crappy.

It's all torn apart, taping up.

Yeah, but look at how many you're being ironic.

I know.

I'm not.

I know what you're doing.

I can see the look on his face.

No, I would assume we were just bringing this right over.

I mean, the felt

has like soaked up so many laughs.

It's worth money.

It's worth money.

Let's cut it apart and buy a new socket.

I mean, you know how much laughs have, like, are like if you squeeze this out,

like all you squeeze out all the laughs out of this felt.

Yeah.

That's true.

All right.

Let's keep it.

I thought about it that way.

I mean, we could vacuum it.

We don't have to leave it a little liberal.

It's more than like when you like this kind of stuff like hanging down and like it hurts sometimes

when you brush your wrist against it.

How about this?

All right.

Gim has said he won't clean the bathrooms, but can we get a dustbuster and maybe once or twice a month

hit the felt on the table?

Yes, yes.

Okay.

I'm in then.

I'm in.

And I'll cut off some of the jagged tape.

Rehab.

Yeah.

A little rehab would do that.

Because I do like looking at people because I'm like, oh, I recognize that person's name.

That's cool.

Yeah.

Maybe it's some real leather instead of clever.

What can be happening, and I'm terrified of this.

I'm terrified it happening to the new stash.

Is I don't want it to become a soulless, corporate-looking place.

And that's why I'm going to cling to this table.

Oh, boy's having a midlife crisis.

Like, it's my child.

It's coming undone, right?

Why'd you even ask?

But that's what I'm afraid of.

So, like, when we go into that new Telm Steve Dave general store, you know, seeing this will be like, you know, it'll be like my security blanket.

That's a good point because when I worked

at Stash West, when I got there, that's how I felt.

I was like, this store belongs in a fucking mall.

Like, this needs to be uglied up a little bit.

And that's what I did.

I took all all the fucking Kevin Smith real shit off the, put the Simpsons up there.

Snoogins and V.

Oh, Snoogans.

Fucking fuck you.

Snoogans.

And I think Kevin liked it because it didn't look like that's what you guys liked about comic book stories going in and it being like, wow, like it's a, it's going to be a fucking treasure hunt for shit.

Closer to Dennis.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Not quite Dennis.

Yeah, we're going to circle.

We're not going to circle.

We're not going full Dennis.

Yeah, if we go full Dennis, then you guys need to pull me me aside and be like, Walt, get out.

What's it called when you have an intervention?

Yeah.

You know what?

That might be a good point.

Maybe new chairs.

If we had nice chairs.

I don't know what you splurge on chairs.

And keep the table.

Keep the table, get new chairs.

But this is the problem because we only use it two hours out of the week.

So God knows what's happening to those chairs when we're not in them.

Get them slobbering all over.

I mean, every time I come in, these things are broken or stained or something like that.

You know what I mean?

Can we get...

We want new chairs.

Got it.

I don't want us paying for the chairs.

I think we should get nice chairs.

I'm worried about the chairs when we're not around.

Well, no one will touch them.

They'll be in our Telum Steve Day General Store.

So those three chairs,

no one will sit in your chair.

I'll get them monogrammed.

I'll get a B on the back of one, I'll get a Q on the other one, and I'll get a W on the other one.

And then no one's allowed to sit in those chairs unless you guys are.

Wow.

That's a fucking awesome idea.

And when ants come visit, they won't sit.

You know, they're going to try and sit in the chairs and get a picture.

I'm going to, if they do ask to sit in your chair,

I'm going to let them.

I'm just going to.

Totally didn't sit there.

So, now, how is it going to work?

Do you know?

It's like, are you going to be stationed there?

Like, who's working the general store?

I think

not getting ripped off.

And this is a cash-only business, right?

We don't have to report.

the new

tsd general store is going to have like an open door so people could just wander into it you know while they're walk looking in the stash

so if somebody wanders into the back room you know i'm sure that um giddam i or mike or sundae yeah will notice it hopefully and if there's somebody wants an item

they'll ask any of the of the clerks that are that are working that day and be like hey i'd like to get a t-shirt i'd like to get a skull i'd like to get a hat yeah a skull I'd like to get a second skull.

And then they'll ring it up at our, we have a little counter, we have our own little counter.

It's like, what was the name of it?

Was it Driscoll's in Green Acres,

the general store?

I'm not sure about that.

It's like an old-fashioned

Green Acres Petticoat Junction store.

I can't wait to see it.

I see it as like in Macy's, how they have little sub-stores with a Tommy Bahama store within Macy's.

Right, right.

Wow.

So do you have any intention of ever working the counter?

Maybe we'll do like days where you and I go in and work.

Oh, I definitely want to bring it.

The only thing I'm excited about is this idea I had for the new store.

Okay.

I want to plant this out to you guys.

Once a month.

Once a month.

Already no, but no, no, no.

You're going to love this.

I think you're going to love this.

I think you're

once a month.

We're going to have, well, with your guys' approval, I would like to throw

Tell them Steve Dave Town Residence Day.

Okay.

So, like, let's say, for example, March 14th is Frank Five Day and Tell Him Steve Dave Town.

And he comes down and we have a celebration.

We announce it.

He's going to be that the Stash all day long that day, you know, for meet and greets,

photos.

And we have a Frank Five Day.

I get balloons with his face on it.

I get a banner that says Frank Five.

Right, right.

We film it.

So we also make a Patreon episode out of it.

We also

double dip on this motherfucker.

I think we could do everybody.

I think we can do Chris Ledondo Day, Troy Day,

obviously Sunday Jeff.

He might have a whole week.

That's called Sunday.

But everybody who's anybody, Sarge L 18, is already in.

I already asked him who, you know,

he is super excited about it.

But everybody in Telham Steve, Dave Town, Maxwell, flyman from Tennessee.

You know, his day is, you know, once a month we have a day of Tell Him Steve Dave's Town.

It's awesome.

Don't you think that's a good idea?

I think it's a great idea.

I'm a curious.

You thought it involved you.

Yeah, it involved me going there 12 times a year.

Here's my pitch to you guys.

Yeah.

I need you.

This is such a great idea.

In October,

we have the Three Baron Day.

Okay.

And we're in our Baron costumes, the white Baron, gold baron, black Baron.

all day long at the stash one day.

You don't want to do like an hour.

You just want to do it all day.

It's all day because the line's going to be out down Broad Street for the three barons.

It's the only chance in your lifetime to meet all three barons at once.

Yeah.

What do you think?

Come in.

Of course you are.

Can I get an hour and a half out of you that day?

I could do, I mean, what's a day, eight hours?

No, always a five-hour day.

Five-hour.

We'll do that.

Oh, I could do five hours?

Five hours is the white baron in October Yeah.

For Halloween.

We can do it.

I mean, a pandemic approval, you know, you know.

Look at the pandemics.

It's the three barons.

And they were peeling their masks off to take pictures and shit.

Go and be damned.

And by October, that's why I want to do it in October, the Three Barons.

I feel like it's a bad thing.

If we can do it in October, I'll do it in October.

You know how fucking killer that would be?

All the Baron balloons, all the colors.

Yeah.

A Baron banner.

Yeah.

We'll have a special merch made for just for the balloons with our faces on it.

Balloons, yeah.

Yeah.

I love it.

I believe these are going to be the events of 2021.

Okay.

I really do.

I think it's going to be awesome.

Speaking of events of 2021, the big show in June.

I have some good news in bad news.

June.

In June, yeah, the 11th anniversary show.

Okay.

Here's the bad news.

Everyone's going to be disappointed by what I'm about to say.

The good news is, except for one person.

Lines off?

Yeah, it has to be off.

We have to call it off.

They're just, the promoter is like, I just don't see it happening by June.

And

not only that, even if they open with 50% theater capacity, it's not.

You're not going to make any money.

Yeah, like, we would.

If we opened it to 50% because we figured it out, we would lose a tremendous amount of money.

Yeah.

Because the tickets were priced right so we could break even and everybody could afford it and shit.

I don't know that.

We're doing this with our live shows right now i'm just like i i don't see us i i'm not comfortable telling people to come together you know what i mean in a in a in an area like that so i figured maybe that uh that bell works that uh kevin did the show at

driving that manga yeah the driver oh okay that manga's constant i thought maybe a space monkey's over there yeah

when it warms up a little bit i would like to man but the thing is like if we're gathering all the ants together if we're doing like a four-color demons rally or whatever, it's like you want to be able to

hang out.

I'm just be concerned about not being able to, like, I wouldn't want to do like for like if we did something like that, I wouldn't want to do the thing where it's like we get up on stage, we do the show, we wave, and then we get in the car and drive off.

You want to be involved a little bit, right?

I don't, I just hope we're able when's that gonna happen?

When's that gonna happen?

That's what I worry about.

So, yes, everybody, I'm sorry, it was with uh I'm very morose about it.

Well, like I said, like we're gonna have now like these once a month like events, you know.

I mean,

hopefully, you know, if you guys are up for it, you come down.

I mean, I'm sure you'll come down.

I don't know if you'll pay for a Frank Five Day, but I'd love to.

Maybe you just zoom in, you know.

Come around, I'll come down.

Well, I'm not going to not come down if I'm here.

Okay, I didn't know if you would be a little p you know, like nervous about, you know, we'll, we'll, we'll make sure only, you know, like, like two people at a time can come into the room.

You know, we'll adhere to all the protocols.

Hazmet for you.

It'll be, it'll be awesome, though.

I like these little mini celebrations.

Like, you know, maybe we'll have a parade in the back lot.

By the dumpster.

Yeah.

I like it.

A little marching band.

Who is in this parade?

It's just a parade celebrating Frank Five.

Okay.

Yeah.

Fortunately.

Which is.

That would be amazing.

Yeah.

Tick or tape parade for Frank Five.

Now we're talking.

I like to celebrate.

You lose a bed to Frank Five.

Yeah.

This is for everybody.

Like every month we're holding parades.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I got a marching band on Retainer.

Let's just get them with a trumpet.

What do we got here?

What we got stuff to talk about.

Oh,

I had to ask you, Wal,

have you happened to drive by Popeyes in Union Beach?

I have.

With my jaw having to be picked up off the fucking floor of the car every time as I'm like, how the fuck is there a three-hour wait to drive, a drive-thru of a Popeyes in Union Beach when you can drive 20 minutes to another Popeyes that has been open for over a couple of years?

Yeah, I didn't get it either.

It's on the highway, like if you're coming down 36.

A new Popeyes.

A new Popeyes that they just built, and I drove by the first day.

The line was all the way down the highway.

I drove by two weeks later.

Same thing.

I don't like it.

First off, the chicken's not that good.

You know, it's too spicy.

kind of a had it.

Yeah.

Yeah, no, I don't like it.

It's too, are you a Popeyes fan?

I have never even eaten a Popeyes.

I've heard that I won't like it.

So people have told me that it's too spicy for me.

Yeah, I don't think he would like it either.

I read an interesting article about real estate in Manhattan.

And they were like, and there was this guy, and it was a pretty candid article.

And he was like, you know how you could tell that the market's real shitty right now?

He goes, the only, everybody's moving out.

He goes, the only people that are opening more locations in Manhattan are Popeyes.

Really?

He's like, because

it's like how that fast food thing is always in like bad neighborhoods and shit like that.

That's how it's like, so Popeyes is just opening up.

They're the only ones opening up new locations.

That's how fucking bad things are in there.

I got a feeling our new fucking celebration days are going to fucking challenge Popeyes' lines.

I would like to see that.

Yeah, sure.

You can't get it anywhere else.

Popeyes, you could get down there.

You could get 20 minutes away with that.

You can get access to Tell Him Steve Dave Town residents.

Full access.

Right.

Talk Frank Five's Ear off for an hour.

A Get Him Steve Dave Day.

A Get Him Steve Dave Day at the Stash.

Where he's celebrated.

Where he's celebrated.

Balloons with his face on it.

You got to come in on your day off, though.

It can't be a day you work.

You know, we'll get a little 8x10s of Get Him, and he could sign them.

We give them away for free.

Anybody who shows up.

I like it.

I'm telling you, man, it is going to be a celebration every month in that place.

It's something to to look forward to.

That's a problem these days.

There's nothing to look forward to.

Yeah, hear that, brother.

You know, you can't schedule anything.

You can't really schedule a trip.

You can't schedule, like, I'm going to go to L.A., or I think I'm going to go to L.A.

in a month, but then they're talking quarantines and lockdowns.

I saw him boasting on Instagram.

He got the

vaccine?

Really?

I can't wait to take that thing.

All the FDNY guys were refusing it, I saw.

Oh, were they?

Yeah.

Boneheads.

Yeah, isn't that surprising to you?

You know, it's not surprising that some of them wouldn't, but

I don't know.

Actually, a lot of ⁇ I say boneheads, but a lot of people that I know and respect are like, yeah, I'm not taking it.

Really?

I don't know.

I read that the Pfizer one, like 23 people died.

Not this country.

It was like Sweden or

Norway.

Yeah, somewhere.

I don't know.

That's all it said.

That was just the headpain.

I mean, isn't that what every vaccine, right, has some sort of...

It's going to have some collateral damage.

Yeah.

I went to, speaking of the city, I was in the city, Mary Best's birthday.

We went to the Museum of Modern Art.

It was open, huh?

MoMA.

It was open.

That's where she wanted to go.

They have like,

you have to set an appointment.

It's like you can go in at like 12 or 2 or 4.

I guess they stagger it so people don't run a run-up rub up against each other too much.

Now,

as an artist,

have you been to MoMA?

Why do you call it MoMA?

Museum of Modern Art.

It's just, yeah.

Is this some sort of like the, what, the hipsters?

No, it's what's written on the side of the building.

I'm a hipster.

It's like calling this place the stash.

It's just right.

Have I ever been to MoMA?

Probably, maybe.

I don't know, but I've got to be honest with you.

If somebody was like, hey, you want to go?

I'd be like, fuck no.

That's got to be the most boring-ass

place to go to.

I can't imagine.

I would rather go to the history, the natural history.

Museum of Natural History, yeah.

Well, sometimes they have like pop culture.

You've got to like

keep an eye on what's going on.

You're right, yeah.

They'll have like Superman shit or something.

Yeah, but most of the time it's just fucking penny farthing fucking paintings.

It's like a pickle mason jar with a fucking spoon in it, and you're supposed to come all over the place with a bunch of people.

People in umbrellas fucking walking down a fucking cobblestone street.

Yeah, and you're like, and it's designed to make you feel bad.

You're like, well, I don't get it.

Why does everyone else get it?

Like, this is a picture that this is something that was on the wall.

Okay.

It's just a red canvas.

It's a fucking red canvas.

I'll just add the victor so he can show it up to the viewers.

Okay.

It's a fucking red canvas.

And I'm like.

It's not diver down.

Van Halen's in the Van Halen car.

At least that would have been sort of metal.

No.

It was a red canvas, and there were a couple others that were similar.

Like, one was, then there was like this rope thing.

It was like,

basically it looked like a checkerboard of ropes, but then the lower ropes were

sagging.

They weren't like symmetrical, and that was meant to show the fucking chaos of life or some bullshit.

And I'm like,

oh, my God, you want to see this?

Tell me if you can even fucking find the art in this.

This is the corner of the fucking

room.

I have four of those in my house.

Did an artist come in and make them?

No.

They're just like cones that touch the ceiling?

It's yeah, I thought it was part of the wall until I read

the little thing.

The little description.

Does your wife have to walk around telling you to shh, stop critiquing everything?

Stop saying everything's boring.

Stop saying everything.

Or do you think that?

Paintings can't be gay, Brian.

Is it a constant

battle

for you to keep your mouth shut and just pretend that you're like you get it or that you're at least you're quiet enough for her to enjoy it while she's there?

hide the resentment you have a little there are there are certain ones where i'm just like like the salvador dolly stuff like the surrealist shit i like that um seeing starry night and you know van gogh starry night in real life i'm like oh that's weird like it's something i never thought i'd see but a majority of it i would just look at her i'd be like fucking come on like you gotta be kidding me

yeah but there's somebody there being like yeah it's art dude i like i texted you earlier i saw your self-portrait oh yeah that was better than half the shit i saw in the goddamn museum you know like it's a sad thing because I agree.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Spoke to me.

It was.

What are you talking about?

On a dinner party, we had to do self-portraits.

We had to paint it.

We had to really do it.

So I did it.

I took a real shot at it.

But I didn't do my face.

I did like this conceptual thing.

And Mariano Rivera picked it out of the.

He said it was the best out of all four.

So.

That's a pitcher, though.

That's an athlete, though, right?

He's great at what he does.

i mean like i mean yeah if it was somebody like alex ross yeah that would be good maybe

to be honest take it away wall take it away i think that anybody that looked at the four of our paintings would probably be rigorous although gatos i liked gattos a lot gatos was funny yeah i thought um sal's was kind of funny too yeah yeah but uh but this this museum i'm like i don't know

We only got through half of it, too.

I was there for two and a half hours, and inside I was praying that she would just be like, all right, we can go.

And eventually she did.

But then she's like, we can come back another time to see the rest.

I was like, fucking god damn it.

That day will never come.

That's what I'm hoping because we don't really go to the city that much and it was empty, man.

I mean, the museum?

No, the museum?

Yeah, I mean, the museum was empty, but I'm talking about the streets.

Yeah.

Like, you can't go in and out of Manhattan with no traffic ever.

This is what I'm doing.

The last couple of times I've gone in, it's like nothing, like right through the tunnel and everything.

Nobody's going in, man.

Nobody's going in.

It's not, though, as bad as everybody's saying it is, you think?

Like, I mean,

I go to parts of the city now, and it just seems like it used to be.

I haven't really seen.

Well, we were up on, it's up on 53rd, but we did, I drove through Times Square.

Yeah.

And holy shit, it's like this is a ghost town compared to what it would normally be.

And they said if you go behind Macy's and Harold Square, like that's where all the heroin action is taking place.

That's where basically everyone's just started camping out.

Sad.

No, what are you going to do?

Nothing.

Nothing you can do.

I've also been to the Museum of Torture, Museum of Death with Toad.

That was awesome.

Toad was laughing like a maniac at people getting hit by trains and shit.

Oh, so people around him were pissed.

Good old Toad.

Yeah.

I mean,

last year we went to Tampa for our birthday.

That was a lot more fun.

And

a lot warmer.

You think about it, like, I always feel because I bought a bunch of photography books when I was getting into photography and stuff, like a comic book.

You open it.

That's art.

Oh, tell me about it.

Yeah.

You know, it's the art that

speaks to us.

But I bought a book of like, I bought a bunch of photo books, like five or six of them, and I opened them up and I'm like,

anybody could have taken this.

Anybody could have taken the picture.

Anybody could have taken it.

You know what I mean?

Like, I bought a, what's his name?

Dennis Hopper had a book of Polaroids.

I was like, oh, I got to see what what Polaroids Dennis Hopper took.

I opened it up.

I was like, it's a spoon.

It's like a car in the middle of a road.

I'm like, anybody could have taken these?

Yeah.

It's all a scam, man.

I like the dirty 70s Polaroids.

Yeah.

Yeah, before self.

Yeah, like gritty and shit.

Yeah.

Yeah, but there weren't even any interesting ones in there.

Spoons.

People are all about the light.

I know there's a ton of artists and photographers being like, these ignorant people.

As they should.

But I'm here to tell you, I don't get it.

I just like I look at it and I'm like, it's not for me.

And some of the shit I'm telling her, I'm going, I could do that.

I could do that.

I could do better than that.

She's like, sure, okay.

She doesn't really say much.

She just goes on and looks at the next thing.

She just goes on and enjoys the artwork for what it is.

Yeah, pretty much.

Not something I ever would choose.

I don't know.

I don't know.

To do for a birthday.

Walt, you

forwarded something along that, speaking of art,

it is a giant penis, not art.

Did you look at that link that I saw?

I saw the picture.

I didn't get into it.

Yeah, this was sent to me by Tom Milazowski

from the Sunday Jeff Show.

Who's Tom?

He has the word penis alert on as in Google.

And I thought he was fucking with me when he sent me this story.

But I asked him, I was like,

are you sure this is a real story?

And he goes, yeah, I checked it out.

It's real.

And it's

a story about a children's show in Denmark

about a man with an

elongated, I mean, super ridiculously long penis.

He looks like a rope.

That

uses his penis to save people and it can do tricks.

It's almost like Dr.

Octopus, one arm coming from his penis.

And this is a children's show.

It is weird.

Why do they allow that?

What's going on in Denmark?

You never hear about Denmark ever.

You never hear anything about Denmark.

Where is it?

I don't even know where the fuck it is.

It's over in Europe.

It's like around

like Sweden.

Yeah, it's a bit

more than like the Forges, Fajords, the Fajours.

Maybe it was the Denmark fucking travel council.

We're like, we got to get on the map, man.

We got to do something to get people to notice us.

How about we do a children's show about a fucking man with a magic...

Yeah, they're like, Holland has wooden shoes.

How about we get a giant fucking...

But how could they not think it's not going to lead to kids pulling out their penis like it's a magical toy?

Well, that's one of the, in the article, it said like one of the episodes is that this guy, I guess, is a simpleton with a long penis, and he's always making mistakes.

And one of his mistakes was that he keeps pulling his penis out.

And he has to be told, you can't pull your penis out in public.

Why is this?

Do you remember when the cartoons were two robots fighting each other?

Like, do you remember when it was just that?

When it was a fucking G.I.

Joe fighting with fucking lasers that never hit each other?

Like Voltron, they were like forming arms and legs and shit.

What is going on?

Well, they said that, like, in the era of the Me Too movement, like, you should not be celebrating a penis that can do fucking magical tricks.

I mean, no matter how true it is.

Yeah, but yeah.

But it says here, like, the show depicts a man who is impulsive and not always in control, who makes mistakes like kids do.

But he's an adult.

He takes responsibility for his actions.

When a woman in the show tells him he should keep his penis in his pants, for instance, he listens, which is nice.

He is accountable.

Yeah, but it's like in that moment, like, that's not the way the world works.

Yeah, that woman shouldn't be in a position to tell him to keep his penis in his pants.

And he's like, oh, okay, no, I know.

Yeah.

Oh, and he's a fucking hero because he put his dick back in his pants after a woman on the streets.

Everybody who witnessed someone rip their penis out of their pants would just be like, oh, I didn't know, and put it back in there.

Everybody's like, okay, let's move on.

Valuable lesson, Bernes.

It's insane.

If this is true, and I'm not sure it's still true, but apparently there's a clip that we can run during this that Tom said he saw on YouTube as well.

But

society.

How could it affect adversely children, you think?

Well, I think you're going to be definitely a kid's pulling their dick out.

I mean, copycats.

For sure.

Of course.

Like, you're going to see little kids pulling theirs out to see if it can do magic.

Yeah.

Assuming it would do magic.

Well, it says, what kind of culture are we creating for our children if it's okay for them to see perfect bodies on Instagram, enhanced digitally or cosmetically, but not real bodies?

well this dude that's not real either this dude so have a story about a fat guy having funny adventures when his dick got to do anything and by the way talk about a fucking how those kids gonna feel with normal penises they're gonna have a they're all gonna have syndromes they're gonna think they have small dicks you think that's not gonna affect their confidence going forward that's how you get serial killers let me tell you it does yeah

um but if um

you're talking about the copycat syndrome yeah but i always was um resentful about, you know, about adults when I was growing up being like, we can't have the human torch on a

Fantastic Four cartoon.

We have to have to Herbie Robot because kids will douse themselves in gasoline and set themselves.

That is ridiculous.

Right.

So why is it ridiculous?

Because the dick is right there.

I'm not going to the store and buying flammable fluids, bringing it home.

Somehow my mother doesn't see it.

I'm pouring it all over myself and lighting myself on fire to be one of the lamest superheroes there is anyway, the human torch.

It's like,

that sounds weird to me, as opposed to my dick's right here.

That guy's doing magic tricks with his dick.

There's no barrier.

Is there just a,

should we just have the other side of the coin and just have a show, a children's show about a girl whose cavernous vagina?

Vagina does magic.

Well, it's funny she mentioned that because in here they say it could have just as easily been that.

I don't know why it wasn't.

Yeah, but why not, though?

Why not just have, you know,

teach these kids early on that girls' vaginas vaginas are magic?

Well, I mean, what are the copyright laws?

Because maybe a Patreon video or

we get harassed.

What does it do?

What does the giant vagina do?

It already does everything that it does, which is pretty awesome.

Like, so what it gives birth, it gives

insane, right?

Well, we metaphorically, you know, use it as a trap.

But that's the downside of it, right?

You know, trap somebody, smoking, you know, it's tuna, right?

Yeah, too much tuna.

Better be a tuna bitch.

But what do you think?

Like, how would you feel?

Like, I mean, in all seriousness, like, try not to,

how awful is it that, like,

kids are being now exposed to something like this?

Like, think it back to, like, how, like, uncomfortable that would feel as a child watching that.

Yeah, it's awful.

Yeah, how could you sell toys based on this?

It's Denmark, man.

They're fucking freewheeling.

I don't know.

They don't care.

I don't have kids, so I generally, the stuff like this doesn't usually hit on my radar, but that is

really awesome.

It's really sexualizing them early on.

Yeah.

I mean, I can't.

Well,

that's what people think, though.

Like, what's her name?

Busy Phillips came out with her daughter.

She's like, she's gay.

It's like, she's 10 years old.

Like, first off, why do you have to announce your kids' sexuality, no matter who you are?

But on top of it, it's like, why is it so important, all this sex shit with kids?

It's weird, I think, because it's not something that happened with us.

No, no.

But

Denmark has got to have some much more advanced thoughts.

That sounds advanced, too.

Well, I'm talking about in terms of like, you know, they must not feel it's a...

What's your deal?

You want to catch up with them, dude?

I mean, like, they're thinking, like, you know,

like maybe 100 years in the future, you know, right now, because I'm like, this is too, way too fucking radical for me.

don't think you could i don't think you could get that to fly in the united states hell no no no

it would not it wouldn't even get past a pitch oh we should you imagine you pitched it

get semi on the phone yeah the american version yeah well first off the biggest bullshit is the guy's white

oh is he a big old

guy with a giant ol' octopusy dick

yeah

i wonder how it gets hard because

i'm sure the same way um

all penises interact.

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What else do we got today?

I got any.

Oh, New Year's, man.

What did you do for New Year's?

New Year's.

God, it's been a long time.

It's felt so fucking low.

Yeah.

Did you do anything fun, Walt?

I was,

as the ball dropped, I was having

texting

Frank Five.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Because our ladies were sleeping.

You guys ushered.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

So we were like, so he just texted me, are you up?

And I was like, yeah, I'm watching Pluto.

Yeah, me too.

It doesn't mean, yeah.

When you get to a certain age, you know, New Year's is absolutely meaningless.

But when was the last time it did mean something to you?

Like, did it ever?

For me, never.

Like, I never went into the city.

Like, the city always looked like a nightmare to go to the

ball drop now.

Only the mayor and his fucking wife dancing around.

Fucking guy.

You stayed home, I'm assuming, Q.

Yeah, but

that was going to happen.

Usually we do a show in New Year's.

Usually my New Year's has spent the last five years, I think, have been

we do a show New Year's Eve that night.

We get off stage around 10, and then wherever we are, we usually go somewhere together.

And like, like if we're at Mohegan Sun, we'll get a room in their steakhouse, and we'll just sit back there and hang hang out with our boys and just drink.

It's usually a fun year.

This year, I just

stayed home.

I watched Dick Clark.

Oh, yes, you guys were texting me that too.

Yeah,

it was awesome.

So

when Dick Clark started it in 1985, I started it now.

And then I watched Dick Clark until the end.

Really?

I would switch over because, you know, they're not always the most exciting thing.

And I caught some of that, what's it, the one with the Fox one?

Oh, I was texting you.

Jamie Kennedy, yeah.

it wasn't though, I didn't see Jamie Kennedy, I saw Joel McHale.

Oh, that one, yeah, yeah, and I was like, oh, Jamie Kennedy was years ago.

I thought that was what you were talking about.

Yeah, the one with Joel McHale and Ken Jung, yeah,

holy shit!

I was like, wow, these guys are fucking drunk.

I don't even know that they knew they were doing a show.

Well, at least Ken John at the end there,

he appeared to be wasted.

And I've been wasted on stage.

And the last time I was drunk, I was as drunk as that guy on stage, I was like, I'm not doing it anymore.

I can't drink like that on stage anymore.

It was crazy, that show.

Yeah,

it was weird because it was so much like dead air.

And they're talking to people who recorded shit long before this.

Oh, they're trying to fake it?

Yeah, they were trying to fake it, some of it.

And then they were

talking to some football player for the longest time, and the conversations are so awkward.

And it's like, it's making that

Zoom sound, like that electronic-y, like Zoom sound.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll tell you who,

Kelly Osborne.

Kelly Osborne.

Kelly Osborne.

I thought she came off really well.

She was like dopey and like fun and stuff like that.

For what she had to work with.

Yeah, I thought they did a good.

I mean, I just assume everybody on those show is a drunk or high, right?

They got to be on something.

They got to be on something.

But it was, you know, it was good to see.

What's it, Cindy Lauper?

I didn't see it.

You seen that show.

You didn't watch it?

No, no, no.

I didn't.

I guess I was watching.

I was really into Dick Clark.

Yeah.

Yeah, they had some fun.

I can't remember them right now, but they had some fun acts and stuff like that.

It was good.

When the ball dropped, I was at Troy's, you know, going to Troy's every year.

And

we were watching ABC at the time, and they were a minute off.

No.

Yeah.

I looked it up, and the only person I saw them to mention it also was Travis from the Jim and Sam show.

But I'm looking at my phone, and it says midnight, and that's exactly when they started the countdown.

So ABC was a minute off.

Heads will roll.

Tried to make 2020 a minute longer.

Fuck, man.

Get out of there.

Shit.

That was Choice.

It was fine.

It was very,

very quiet.

Because usually they have so many people there, but this year it was just us and then one other couple.

And then, you know, some of the kids' friends and shit.

So, you know, eat food, drank booze.

Watch crummy TV.

It's such a fucking weird year.

Howie, what's to do anyway?

Yeah, there's nothing to do.

Although, that's what I would have done anyway.

Like, that's what I liked.

Yeah, there probably would have been more people there, though.

It would have been more of a party and shit.

Yeah, I guess so.

Fuck it.

What are you going to do?

There's nothing you can do.

I'm on my fucking fourth bird feeder, man, up in my yard, so I'm all set for this new year.

I'm good to go.

He learned, I was texting with him, he learned that Cardinals.

Yeah.

He should not have been excited about all those Cardinals.

Yeah.

They're bullies.

They're fucking assholes, man.

They're aggressive, right?

They really, like, if another bird's on there, they'll get pissed.

They'll come over and just, like, scream at them until they leave and then just start furiously eating and like looking around to see if anybody's coming.

Like, they're really kind of dickheads, Cardinals.

I'm learning.

Has a favorite bird replaced them?

I mean, they're still the best-looking ones, so I'm there.

But I've always been a chickadee guy myself.

But there's this thing.

So, Helen got me for Christmas.

She got me this really nice bird house.

It looks like a house.

It's big, it's made of metal and stuff.

It's got a roof that opens up, and you fill the whole thing in.

And it's supposed to be squirrel-proof because, like, when they step on the bars, it closes the feeding trowel.

So the weight of the squirrel will close the feeding trowel, right?

Great.

This is what I fill it up, put it out there.

Oh, my cardinals are going to love this shit.

I get it out there.

I'm seeing squirrels.

They're getting frustrated.

They can't open it.

I'm getting super excited.

I'm like, this is sweet.

I'm going to feed my birds and only my birds, right?

Why don't you want to feed the squirrels?

I do want to feed the squirrels, but I have separate

things for them to do that because they scare the birds away, then the birds don't eat.

So I try to

put out food in different places.

You're trying to be Dr.

Doolittle here.

A little bit, just with squirrels and birds.

So now,

I fucking get up in the morning, I make my iced tea, that's what I have in the morning, my tea, and I go to a window to look at my birdhouse.

And the fucking squirrels managed to get the roof open, and they're in it.

They just crawled into the birdhouse, and they're just sitting there chewing their feet.

And there's like fake windows in the birdhouse, and I see them looking at me

through the windows, like seeing if I'm coming out to close it on them and shit like that.

There's just no beating these fucking squirrels.

They're fucking crafty, aren't they?

It's unbelievable, man.

There's nothing I can do.

That's stumpy.

I call him Stumpy.

He's got his tail cut off.

I think a cat got on when he was young.

He gets in everything, man.

He's just fucking smart.

Would you consider

putting some chicken coops on your land and raising chickens?

I mean, it seems like you really enjoy this.

I mean, really getting your hands dirty and really becoming.

He's a fucking Puerto Rican.

He's got fucking chickens in his yard now.

What the fuck?

But I mean, this is really how it's as well.

All my crew raises chickens in his yard.

This is how you really connect and how you're like, you know, you can really become

vital to their survival then.

What I would do is, I would let some of the Staten Island turkeys, I would create favorable conditions for the turkeys to live in my yard.

Turkey house?

Like a hen?

Yeah, but not something I have to clean.

It's got to be something that...

You can hire somebody for that.

Yeah.

I got somebody on your property cleaning out turkey shit.

I like that shit on the battery.

But boy, man, think about like, I mean, that's really interesting.

Then it becomes work, though.

Then it becomes a job.

Well, you could have a turkey cam like inside the house.

Oh, wait a minute.

Nah, I just, I don't want it to become work.

It's got to be just.

Because then you'll see

the inner workings of the turkey life.

Have you ever seen a turkey have intercourse?

No.

Well, this is the only way you're going to get it to see it.

Yeah, I don't really care.

So you just want to.

I heard it's crazy.

I heard it's worth watching.

I heard it's worth watching.

Turkeys rip apart as camera setup.

Nah, I'm good, man.

Are they mean, the turkeys?

Because they're notoriously like unfriendly, right?

They're not friendly, yeah.

They are.

Like, we have these

turkeys on Staten Island that are, I think I've talked about it before, like, there are two different types of species.

Three, there's a special Staten Island species of turkey.

Some of them are really nice.

Like, the females, when they have their birds and stuff, they're in the neighborhood.

Yeah, I'll feed them and they'll come hang out and stuff.

What's about it?

You don't like the

Puerto Rican.

Oh, yeah.

Why would you say that?

Because they're known.

Yeah, they always have like roosters in their yards and shit.

Sage has one.

It fucking drives me crazy.

Do we know any Puerto Ricans we can come?

I never heard that.

Yeah, they always have like livestock.

Like, remember when Stephanie's son Julio had a goat in his yard and shit?

They love keeping like

a baseball a show from the 70s that has been on it.

And a different kind of animal.

I don't know.

Well, there's a couple of Mexican guys here.

Do you guys have any wildlife, like any domesticated livestock?

No, nothing, huh?

There was a house for the longest time,

pretty sandy, that had chickens in the yard.

And I couldn't believe how many chickens they had right in Port Monmouth.

And we would drive by it just to see all the chickens out in the yard, and we could hear them in the morning.

There was that one rooster, I guess, who would cock.

Yeah, who literally would do it, just like a cartoon.

He would crow in the morning,

like just sound just like a cartoon from like Bugs Bunny or something.

And

they were Puerto Rican.

No, no, you know, I don't know what they were, to be honest with you.

I never saw the

people who owned the house, but

Sandy washed it all away.

All the chickens?

Well, all the hen houses it was just gone, you know, you know, and I don't think they ever

rebuilt.

Down in Key West, there's

tons of chickens down there and shit.

They'll wake you up in the morning.

Yeah.

You can start selling eggs.

You know, curved.

Eggs.

Chicken eggs.

If you do chickens, huh?

If you do chickens, pass them off as chicken eggs.

You know, I mean, that's probably.

Yeah, it's just all stuff I don't want to do, man.

I just want to see the Cardinals eat.

Go down to the.

Well, you don't like eggs, man.

I don't eat eggs.

eh?

You like bacon, though?

You should raise pigs and slaughter them.

I don't even eat bacon much anymore.

That sounds easier.

Just fighting bacon.

Would you have it in you if

you move away, you're living on the compound, you got to kill an animal?

I wouldn't have it in me.

Yeah, I don't think I would either.

I'd be eating grass and shit.

I could fish.

You could do it to a fish, though.

How come?

It doesn't have legs, right?

It's not cute.

It doesn't have fur.

It has a bond with it.

And it has crazy eyes yeah and no personality

yeah can't blink just stares at you like a cereal kid like i look at it i'm like we don't even look like like a like animals i see something of myself and i think it was uh patrice o'neal said something about fish he's like this they don't have eyebrows i think that was his his bit where they don't have eyebrows and that's what makes them so

difficult to identify with where it's like you know like a cat or it like or especially a dog you know they have expression they have expression in their expressions a fish always has the same expression shocked.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Like, I can't believe I got caught.

They said this is going to happen.

But cats are very similar, I think, too.

Like,

I rarely see a look of joy on my cat's face.

Like, he's either

fucking staring at me.

Scratch that chin.

I scratch the chin, rubs up against you.

Turns upside down and rolls around.

Yeah, sometimes.

But their face is always the same.

Like, once they open their eyes, they're just like looking at you.

I've come to identify different looks on my cats.

I think there's a mouse in the basement somewhere, and it comes up through this hole in the wall into like the mudroom.

And because we saw a hole in the peanuts that Mary Beth gives to the squirrels, she feeds squirrels these fucking peanuts.

I'm like, have you never seen a fucking squirrel before?

She has her own squirrels.

She has fucking Skippy.

She has fucking peanuts.

She has fucking Jiffy Pop Jiff Johnson Jr.

All kinds of squirrels that she feeds all the time.

But even if we see squirrels in the wild, she's like, ooh, look at this squirrel.

Look at this squirrel.

Really?

They're so common.

So?

Did you get excited by a squirrel?

No, I was like, the mouse in the house, though.

Oh, the mouse in the house.

Absolutely.

Would absolutely make it so I could not relax.

Right.

Well, it's in the mudroom because I see the little hole, but the cat, Princess Mitch.

What's that mean?

Princess Mitch.

One of his 10 phones is ringing.

Like, which one is it?

No, not.

Like, Like, Fred Sanford with his glasses.

The cat the other day sat there for two hours just watching that hole.

Because

she must have been able to hear something in it.

And I'm like, the patience exhibited by a cat, just so it's like, as soon as that motherfucker comes out, I'm going to kill it.

Tell me if this is the appropriate response.

After Sandy,

We got back into our house probably about a month after Sandy

and

had to get all new appliances because all the appliances in the kitchen were washed, you know, were destroyed.

And the fridge, no, the stove

wasn't,

kind of like, it's like a stretchy kind of tubing kind of like...

Gasoline?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It wasn't

corked up properly as it was previously.

So like things could get through that hole.

So I walked into the kitchen the first night back into the house after being out and gone for almost like, I guess it was six weeks,

and I flipped the light on.

And in a corner of my eye

on the stove, I saw that tail, that long tail, and it jumped down, jumped down behind the stove.

Oh, shit.

Is the appropriate response to feel nauseous and almost throw up

and scream for Bevy?

Yeah.

Because I'm not going to lie, man.

I was like, I was like,

really?

Yeah, I don't know why.

I've seen mice before.

Oh, it was a mouse.

It wasn't a rat.

No, it was a mouse.

It had a long tail, though.

And I've seen it at the zoo.

I've watched them.

What zoo you go into where it's like, here is the fucking North American mouse.

At the Bronx Zoo, you go into the dark house where the bats are.

There's mice in there?

Oh, yeah, you'll see mice in there all the time.

I could watch them for hours and not feel nausea.

But in my house,

I felt like I was going to vomit.

And just like my back was all sweaty, and like

I had to sit down, and I was almost like

standing on a chair.

But yeah, like it, like, that to me just like is like, that's I can't even abide by having a vermin in the house.

It's disgusting, isn't it?

Even thinking about it, when I think back to my scene, I could still see it, the flash, and my wife being like, no, you didn't see that.

And I was like, don't you go, look at my face.

I swear to God, I saw that.

Look at the puke over there.

And then the next day, you know, like I told her, I was like, I swear to God.

And we barricaded the bedroom door.

You know, we put stuff in front of the door so the mouse couldn't get in.

And

the next morning.

I mean, under the door, right?

He was going to knock the door in?

We put up boxes of comics up against the door so the mouse couldn't squeeze in.

There's a fire that night.

Oh, shit.

We put long boxes of comics up against the wall so the mouse couldn't squeeze its way in.

But

early in the morning, she got up and

she went

looking around the cabinets and she saw evidence of a mouse.

Really?

Mouse scat.

She had to come back up and apologize and say, yeah, we definitely got a mouse.

Is it annoying when it's just like, I know it, I saw it, goddammit.

Like, why are you telling me this?

No, because I'm prone to hysterics.

So,

especially when it comes to vermin and birds in my house.

So, was it entirely possible that you didn't see it?

I knew I saw it, but like, she didn't, she wasn't, she didn't want to believe it, it, though, I think.

A lot of her was like, no, I don't want to deal with that, too.

But we had to have somebody come over and like re-stuff the holes of all the appliances because they didn't realize that there'd be so much opportunity for vermin to squeeze their way in.

They were digging scumbags.

I know, it's fucking disgusting.

I would kill a mouse

or a rat if necessary.

I could trap him.

When I lived at Pam's house, there was a mouse that would keep getting into the bread drawer.

I don't know how the fuck he did it, but he kept getting into the bread drawer a couple different mics, bites, and I would take him and I'd release him in the woods.

But a rat, I would get my gun out and shoot it.

It's just, I'm like, it probably has rabies.

It's probably going to bite me.

Probably not.

Probably not.

I'd put a couple holes in the floor, and the thing would go back into it.

Oh, I know, right?

It looks like I'm fucking Michael J.

Fox over here.

You probably had to shoot Mary Beth in the legs.

But when

they tore up the streets right by Pam and Edgar's house to put in new sewer lines and I guess rats live in those pipes and they would get it they were going into everyone's houses so they Pam and Edgar had a whole bunch of rats in their houses and they they had to come in and people had to like set poison bait and all this other shit but what happens is the rats die and then they just rot away in the rafters and all these fucking flies like these larva and shit turn into flies that like they looked like bumblebees i'd never seen fucking flies that looked like this Damn, they have a horror.

Yeah, exactly, man.

It was fucking disgusting.

That is rough.

I was like, Pam, you're gross.

But if you get chickens, though, you don't have to worry about that, though.

I think it's

cats.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I'm covered.

Yeah, that's why I'm not too afraid because the one cat is like a good mouser, Princess Mitch.

The other one, like, he lays in bed probably

22 hours a day.

Lays on our bed.

Just won't move.

It's weird.

What are they thinking about?

How old is he?

About seven.

What about if I had a rat terrier?

Yep.

That would be all right, right?

They would probably hunt.

You think your dogs would hunt?

I don't know.

All three are up on a chair.

You guys got any last memories?

Anything you want to anything before

we leave this building for the very last time?

Well, I am looking forward to the new place.

I'd like to leave with my eye.

Let me just interrupt you real fast.

Uh-oh.

What the fuck?

This phone is listening to me.

Suddenly, it's talking about mousetraps.

Holy shit.

What, you didn't realize your phone listened to you?

Oh, my God.

You didn't realize that your phone just will do that?

I've heard it, and I know people say it, but I'm just like, I mean, come on.

But, like, how does it know?

Because it's listening at all times.

So, here's all that stuff I say about Mexicans?

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Yeah, like, how, like, it's crazy, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's spying on you.

That's the price we pay for having these smartphones, though.

I guess so.

I mean, I don't really say anything interesting enough that anybody would care about.

But

any lasting, like, poignant thoughts?

I mean, you're usually the guy to go to, like, who has some really eloquent and

really sums it up so beautifully.

I don't really have anything like that.

The stash is like a birdhouse.

We are like the squirrels within.

No, man,

I've always just had this place so linked with Tellum Steve Dave in my heart.

And since Tellum Steve Dave is just continuing on, I feel like the spirit of everything that we love about this place will still be available to us.

It'll just be down the block a little bit.

Same magical table.

That's pretty eloquent.

Yeah.

That's pretty nice.

The magic can be transported.

It's not even transported.

A block away.

It's just, it's.

But you never worry about that.

Like, you know, like

a new setting, a new environment.

You know, maybe we can't recapture the

lightning.

We could do this on a desert island.

We're fucking magicians.

Podcasting magicians.

Wizards.

Yeah.

I think so.

All right.

I mean, I hope so.

I always worry about that.

I always worry at some point there's nothing left to talk about.

Wow, look at Tom Brady.

It's unbelievable.

He just picked up his act, he moved across the country, and there he is.

That's all we're doing.

We're gonna Tom Brady this shit.

Obvious days are behind.

It's gonna be like these motherfuckers are still doing it.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Unless we had another commercial.

No.