#462: Gimme The Loot

It's not like there's anything wrong with getting fingered.

Like, girls want to get fingered.

There's other things.

And guys want to do it.

And other girls want to do it.

If you go to an ant meetup and you fuck a play and plays a girl, there's nothing wrong with being like, hey, I'll take you up on that.

I usually fuck to the Oscar Meyer journal station.

You're just trying to find a reason to still like be positive with him.

Fuck him.

You chose to ask him.

Let him fucking wallow in his shit.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave.

I sit here with BQ.

Yo.

I sit here with Walt.

Hello.

And I sit here with the most respected man on Broad Street, I'd say.

Respected clerk.

Respected clerk.

And man.

Sorry, yeah.

And man.

Either one of them.

What man is more respected?

Man,

one of them is Tim, the record store clerk for Jack's Music.

All right.

And today, well, we're going to do some normal stuff, but we're also going to play a game that we play normally on Patreon, Walt.

Yes, Purveyors, Posers, and Playlists.

It's one of the most requested, requested, requested features because we haven't played it in a while because of COVID.

But almost daily, I get requests for this feature to come back.

Most of them are from Tim.

Yeah, they are.

Under different names.

And since we've we've beaten COVID, I figure it was a good time to come back.

We're almost there.

It's right around

the corner.

Are you talking about the deadly second wave that's about the minute?

And the other, the second most requested thing is Puck Nuts.

And before the end of this year, we are going to have a

year-end Puck Nuts wrap-up the year in 2020 of sports.

Have we done any Pucknuts in 2020?

I don't think we have.

We recorded one episode.

The recording didn't go well on Zoom or something, and it was unreleasable.

But we are going to wrap up and give the definitive take on 2020 in sports

on the last week in December, the last Tuesday in December.

We'll drop that on Patreon.

But for today, it's all about music and purveyors, posers, and playlists.

Sounds good.

Well, I had to tell you real quick, you owe me your paycheck because somebody wrote in and they told me they were a new listener.

It was the first time they listened last week, and you said you'd go all in.

I don't believe it.

How could they write in on the first episode?

How do they know where to fucking write in if it's the first episode?

Hey, that's not, those aren't right questions to be able to do that.

Exactly.

Dig a little deeper and realize that they're.

He got the answer he wanted.

Why can't we?

But come on, think about it.

I saw someone added me on Twitter, too.

Like, hey, I just want to let you know that this was my first episode of Tell Hem Steve Dave.

I was like, oh, yeah.

So you figured out my fucking Twitter handles at Sunday, Jeff, on your first episode of Tell Hem Steve Dave.

You're saying our listeners aren't smart?

I was born fucking in the daytime.

What's that saying, Go?

I was born at night, but nothing.

Yeah, there you go.

That's why.

All right, well,

we'll have to see.

I'll do a little bit more digging.

I'll find out.

We have, what do we have this week?

We have, oh, you know what?

I wanted to ask you guys, if you had to have a themed casket to be buried in, because we've been talking about kiss lately.

And I was like,

how bad does it look if IJ brands a casket?

Ooh, I do not think that would go over well.

It's a little morbid.

Children's caskets.

That would be great.

You know,

the kids are gone, but the last could continue.

Like on the side of the coffin is like Joe running.

It's like, hey, Larry.

Yeah.

Like when you close it, it says Larry

or something like that.

Yeah.

Well, I wouldn't market them so much as for kids.

So this way, even though you're probably going to sell more to kids, but maybe just so that you can

keep your options open, you just say, well, they were for little people, not really for children.

Yeah, but like midgets have an extraordinarily short lifespan.

We can sell a lot.

Of course, we were marketing it to midgets.

You're like, we're not idiots.

We're not insensitive.

Don't call the midgets.

We're not insensitive.

Wow.

Yeah, what would I choose as my

casket theme?

I wouldn't do comics.

No?

No, I just think that's cliched.

I think it would be so, of course, you did did comics.

I try to do something, you know,

people to be like, wow, I didn't really even know him.

Does it have to be a coffin?

Can I get like buried in a Sherman tank?

I mean,

you have to buy a big plot of land or maybe a coffin shop.

You made a mint off baby coffins.

I buy land, I never even see it.

Sherman tank, yeah, sure.

I mean, if you can get a hold of a Sherman tank, why not?

Now, are you is that a German tank, though?

Sherman, sure, it's American.

Oh, it's a war too?

I think it's a German tank.

No, we use it to kill those fucking Nazi bastards, but burn them alive.

Yeah, make them regret the day they have a goose stepped into our fucking neck of the woods.

Did you see that dude with the flamethrower on top of the bus

in New York?

It's crazy.

There was a rapper guy.

I can't remember his name, but we were trading texts with me, Q, and Troy, and Troy sent us one where there's a guy on top of a bus, a rapper guy, and he has a full-on flamethrower.

We didn't know he was a rapper guy.

We didn't know he was a rapper at the time.

We just thought he was a game.

Oh, this is a publicity stunt?

This is for a video?

I don't think so.

We just think his job is a rapper.

I think it's business as usual, yeah.

Did he get arrested?

They were looking for him.

Last I checked, they were looking for him.

How does he get on top of the bus while he was?

Well, moving, I'll show you.

It wasn't moving.

Oh, it wasn't moving.

No, it was parked, but he was up on top of the bus.

Q will show you.

And he has a flamethrower that's, I mean, it looks like any regular.

The only way to properly describe it is by saying it's a flamethrower because that's exactly what it is.

Yeah, like the thing, the shit you saw them clear out those bunkers with in the corner.

Yeah, sure.

That he's on an ice cream truck.

And notice how the guy in the ice cream truck doesn't seem that bothered.

Oh, is it an ice cream truck?

Oh, there you go.

I'll show you.

and everybody's very excited

i mean the flames are shooting what that bus is moving 10 to 12 feet yeah

was he promoting a new album no this is this is just i think he's promoting civil unrest i think i think this is uh this is uh if uh de Blasio's re-election campaign He was just showing what New York City's become under him.

Bad Max.

Yeah.

That has to move some units, right?

It has to.

You have to immediately Google who this guy is and immediately buy his album, right?

My question is.

I'm going to go as far as Google him and not buy his album.

My question is, do I jump on top of a bus with a flamethrower and be like, tell him Steve Dave.

Yeah, the Christmas special's coming out.

Maybe you just prefer some plus.

I think you should.

But what have I got to lose?

What are they going to do?

I'll get arrested.

They'll be like, hey, you shouldn't have done this.

I'm not going to be put in jail.

Yeah.

There you go.

That works.

I'm I'm not sure.

You haven't shot a flamethrower.

I have not.

So I'm going to have to take some lessons maybe first.

So maybe next Christmas.

Next Christmas I can do it.

You'll be serious.

Next Christmas I'll be into it.

Mary Beth fell prey to the Johnson curse.

It's already affecting her.

She got a serious, serious toe infection.

She had to go to the doctor for it.

And

I forgot to mention this, but when, like, right after the wedding, she started getting these little dots on her back until her whole, I'll show you later, her whole back is covered in what looks like chicken pox, right?

Oh, they're blisters, like, no, they're not like popping open, but they were just like raised, like little tiny welts, little bumps.

And she was like, Well, I want it to be perfect for the wedding day.

She's like, So I put nair all over my back.

Now, normally she puts it on her legs and shit, and it doesn't do anything, but I guess putting it on her back, it's more sensitive skin.

Holy shit.

Let me see if I can find it.

I would not have thought that would.

I figured, you know, your legs, your back, it's got to be almost the same type of skin

sensitivity, right?

You would think so.

I don't want to seem disrespectful, but how hair is her back?

Not at all.

That's why I was like, what?

You know, I tell you.

I'm not disrespectful at all.

It's his wife.

I find myself in a position where I have to ask the question.

Is that my boy?

I mean,

can you even see any hair?

I mean, she has got to have

the finest.

You could ever even see it.

How close are you looking?

Very.

Exactly.

I'm not looking close at all.

These are all the questions that I asked.

Like, what the fuck?

Like, why would you do that?

It is.

So how'd she get her toe infected?

I don't know.

Oh, she was.

Yeah, she tried to narrow her toes.

I guess she was just clipping her nail and she dug a little bit too deep, and then it got infected.

And it was a whole thing.

She had to go to the fucking doctor.

They had the lancet?

They had to do something to it, yeah.

And then she had medication, and she couldn't walk.

And did you bring up to her?

Did you tell her, like, you know, this is just the beginning?

You know, you're a Johnson now, and this is just a long line of maladies and

gross.

Welcome to the world of being disgusting.

No, I mean, she was the one who brought it up to me.

She's like, there was one other thing that happens, I can't remember, but it was like those two big things within like two months.

And I was like, uh-oh.

Yeah.

Does she give any validity now to the Johnson curse?

I think a little bit.

Did she think she was going to be immune?

Did she really think that, like, was that just the experience of youth?

Yeah.

It's like, I osmosis, you're fucked.

Well, she changed her name.

She changed.

Yeah.

She's a Johnson.

Yeah.

As soon as it changed the Johnson, it's like, you're done.

Yeah.

I don't know.

You should have kept your name.

Lots of women do it.

At least hyphenated, so maybe you get the toe, but not the back.

Now, if she had to lose a toe, would you want her to keep it covered at all times, that foot?

Yeah, as long as it's not her camel toe.

Oh, if she lost a toe.

If she lost a toe.

She loses a big toe and she can't wear flip-flops anymore, but she's still trying to wear them.

You wear sandals, though.

Would you be like, you know what, maybe you should just wear socks from now on?

Or would you want, like even around the house, even if it was just me and you?

Or would you, or would you be like, I'm okay with looking at your deformed foot?

foot?

In her own home, I'd probably give her the pass

outside where she's representing me as a man.

I may have a bigger problem with that.

I mean, because it is disturbing when you see that kind of thing.

What,

a person missing appendages and shit?

Not really.

I think fingers, it's not that big a deal anymore.

Toes are a little more than like a full-on appendage.

You think a toe is more acceptable?

Yeah.

Than like missing an arm?

Oh, sure.

Yeah, I think so.

By the way, I think it's all acceptable.

I just

I'm sorry, that's completely understandable.

Yeah, like I don't think that the person missing their arm intended to

what the fuck do you mean you're not gonna have a toe anymore?

Get the fuck out.

This was not discussed right before we got to the point.

Oh, this arm?

This arm?

No, I lost this in Afghanistan.

Is that fucking acceptable to you?

No toe, no service.

Get the fuck out.

Walt, I wanted to ask you about your guy.

Seems some people are coming down on Tom Brady.

Yeah, it's starting to turn on him.

It's looking like maybe he should have went out on top.

Why?

He's having a rough go of it the last couple weeks.

Not performing the way that the world expects him to, which is

perfection.

And there's a much younger guns out there that

are outplaying him on a weekly basis.

So

it's not even a situation of if he wasn't who he is, he'd be playing awesome.

Oh, okay.

You're saying if he's not Tom Brady and he's just a different 43-year-old?

Think about that when I say that.

Let that fucking sink in.

43-year-old playing against like the hardest fucking 20-year-olds.

I mean, think of what I was doing at 43.

Being addicted to drugs and fucking the effect.

I mean, going out in front of the world and trying to outperform the world-class elite athletes in their 20s and doing it seven out of the 11 weeks.

I think you got to take his age out of it.

Just if he wasn't any other quarterback, he's still, he would be having an average season.

Average season.

I think it would be, he wouldn't be getting this kind of criticism if he wasn't Tom Brady.

But that comes with

being,

if you're going to be called the goat, you got to be the goat.

You got to be the goat at all times.

It bums me out because, man, if he had just fucking retired after that Super Bowl,

it would have been, there'd be no way to

ever poke a hole at him.

His legacy would have been completely untouched.

But people will forget it.

People will forget.

Yeah, you're right.

Once you.

Oh, poor thing.

It's disturbing looking.

It's just healing up now.

I'm showing the guys the did it hurt?

Like, did she say it?

It got very itchy.

She said,

do you remember when Willie Mays

stumbled?

Remember everybody

and broke your.

That's how I'm feeling right now.

Didn't Jordan switch teams at the end?

Yeah, and

he was never able to bring the,

was it the Wizards then, or were they the Bullets?

I don't remember.

The Wizards, yeah.

The Wizards.

I don't know if they had changed their name yet, but he was never able to bring them to the Heights.

Yeah.

But nobody remembers that.

Everybody always remembers it.

Yeah, you're right.

But for now, he's been taking some much,

much Mucho criticism.

Well, some of the lumps are coming from his

bad attitude, they're saying.

Like he's not getting a pass for his bush league antics, they say.

What are his antics?

Is it because he doesn't fucking shake hands?

Oh, can you?

He's the fucking assassin.

He's not fucking there to fucking shake your hand because he lost.

Look, I agree with you in as much as like, so in a world where fucking I have to wear a mask every fucking place I go, you're telling these guys to touch each other and shake hands and all this other shit.

It should be like a, maybe a little salute at best.

I don't know if I agree with that analogy.

That one seems much like a stretch, like you're trying to fucking squeeze fucking two pounds of shit in a fucking one-pound fucking box with that fucking...

Who, me?

Yeah, that would be.

Because I don't know if that really is what that analogy equates to what he's doing.

He's not there to fucking pat the other team

on the fanny because they beat him.

He's fucking, he's the GOAT because he fucking can't stand losing.

Isn't it traditional, though?

So you're saying nobody should shake hands with him?

No, it's not traditional.

I think it's a choice.

If you don't choose to shake hands with your opponent, does not mean that you're a sore sport.

It just means that you're fucking.

You're just a dick.

No.

I think handshaking in society should go away completely.

I couldn't.

I'm not a fan of it.

Yeah, what is the point of it anyway?

But showing that you're a good sport means what?

At the end of the day, nothing.

Fuck you.

Right.

Here's what it says, though, okay?

It's a bad look for Brady.

It's a bad look for the Bucs.

It's a bad look for the league, co-host Kyle Brandt said on NFL's networks, Good Morning Football.

I'm never going to be the guy who is like, What are we supposed to tell our kids?

No, what to tell our kids.

At that point, we say it's Bush League.

Don't do that.

Sit there next to your son, be like, see what Tom Brady's doing?

Never do that.

So the whole handshaking thing, never, don't be like that.

But everything else, be like that.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Be a model fucking citizen.

Yeah.

Have zero foibles.

Well, didn't he deflate those footballs to cheat on you?

It's It's alleged.

He didn't do that.

Alleged.

It was alleged.

I think people just have the knives out for him anyway.

I mean, they just want him to fail because he's great.

Yeah.

I mean, nobody.

And the Patriots are hated.

Exactly.

And

people were tired of it.

And I get it

if he was the source of a lot of

soul-crushing defeats of your, like, if you were rooting for your team when he came in.

Like I said, Messier.

Probably a great dude, but I wouldn't, I can't stand him for what he did to the devils.

And I will never, you know, I will always root for his demise.

You know, like if he, like, if he found out the worst possible news, I would be like, good.

Really stand you.

That goes deep, man.

It's still raw to this day.

Yeah.

Yeah.

94.

Here's so.

Tim,

you're in the music industry, I'd say.

Not only I was going to say adjacent to it.

You do?

You have a new music.

It dropped.

It dropped.

Did you stand on a bus with a flamethrower tonight?

This was a wig.

I set my hair on fire.

What's the name of the new album?

Every July, Peas Grow There.

From the Ribeye Brothers.

Ribeye Brothers.

It's going to be on streaming.

You look almost like

kicking the dirt and shit.

No, no.

I feel uncomfortable.

You know, like promoting yourself?

No.

You got to.

You got to sit on the bottom and do it?

Not yet.

It's December.

Oh, the Ribeye Brothers?

Yeah.

The Ribeye Brothers.

Like Garage Rock.

Oh, man, it sounds awesome.

Let me open my phone.

So, but they're not on Spotify at all.

Yeah, the older records are.

Right, that's what I'm saying.

We've been together since like 96.

The Ribeye Brothers.

Got it.

All right.

I'm following.

But why were you asking about the music industry now?

Oh, because I want to see if he's ever heard of Raycom.

No.

Oh, boy.

Well, I mean, the finest earbuds in a world.

But I don't fucking know could fill a Grand Canyon.

Well, it was going going to be a little bit less.

You're going to know more now.

All right.

Because it's never too early to start gift shopping for the holidays, Tim, especially because today you can save big on a gift that they'll use every day: Raycon wireless earbuds.

And let me tell you something.

Sometimes we have advertisers that we're not totally gaga over, but we still like them.

Those are in the past.

I'm talking

Adam and Eve, that kind of thing.

But Raycon, I mean, I think

unanimously, we love this company.

Have you ever heard of Ray J?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know what he did to Kim Kardashian?

Yes.

Woo-hoo-hoo.

This is his company.

And out of that came earbuds.

Out of that came earbuds.

Yeah.

She needed earplugs, so it didn't go into all her orifices.

This is Ray J's company, and lots of celebrities like him.

Celebrities such as Brian Quinn.

And Brian Quinn told me the other day, with seamless Bluetooth pairing and a comfortable noise isolating fit, you can start listening right away and keep listening for hours.

The audio quality is amazing,

to comparable to what you get from other premium bands ex brands jesus i can't talk today except the raycons start at half the price i ordered my um

what are they called the uh bows went i hate to even mention the name but my bows were not really pairing with my uh my phone that well so i got the noise canceling raycons yeah i on sage's life

i find i feel that they're better they're better than bows i believe it they fit better they feel better and they sound better i think raycons that's true Raycon, yeah.

R-A-Y-C-O-N.

Yep.

So if you want to be like me and Q and Walt and Tim,

you're going to use them every day.

So

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That's buyraycon.com slash T-E-S-D to unlock a 20% off.

deal off your Raycons.

That's buyraycon.com slash T-E-S-D.

We actually do love them.

Okay, we must be moving a lot of units of Raycon.

They have been

a sponsor for quite

some time here.

And they will continue to be because they just bought for next year, too.

Oh,

they brought more ad space.

Yep.

Wow.

Nice.

They love us.

We're such a Fortune 500 company, too, right?

We're going to be pretty soon, too.

Keep it up.

Oh, with that in mind, if I could do a plug.

Anybody who went on the untapped thing for the RH reviews, I asked a couple of weeks ago.

We needed reviews on this website to expand it to other states.

It's been working, but

the response was not.

It's not what you thought it would be, huh?

Remember, we thought it would be like a title wave.

And I appreciate everybody that's done it, but like I checked the other day and one beer had like 120

clicks on it, which is

we've seen.

What are you looking for?

Well, they got to go.

It's untapped with no E.

It's U-N-T-A-P-P-D.

Oh, maybe that's why.

Maybe it was hard to find.

I guess it's possible.

I'd like to give any benefit of the doubt.

Maybe also people are like, fuck it.

I don't give a shit about this.

What kind of numbers are you looking for?

120, obviously, you're not happy with.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm looking for anything more.

Whatever people can give.

Yeah, you know, just reminding people if you haven't done it yet,

it would be a great help.

Thank you.

That's right.

There you go.

I brought brought my coloring books, Walt.

These are the books that you color in?

Yeah.

You can look through them.

There's a couple of different.

I think this one is where some of my later work pops up.

Oh, wow.

These are cool.

I want to see some of your work here.

Oh, wow.

You did this?

Yeah, I did that one.

And

these are

licenses?

These are adult coloring books, Tim.

You're probably wondering why we're looking at them.

I once mocked them.

This is Brian's New Therapy.

Yeah, this is my first one.

These are the crummiest ones.

So what I did was I got me some pencils and I got me some adult coloring books and I just sit there and I try not to think of anything else.

Line work is tight.

Oh, thank you.

And I'm a shitty artist.

Well, you know what?

I'm going to give you some legitimate compliments, not ones that I just have to force out of my mouth.

It's new for you and I.

So sit down while I tell you, I am impressed with your...

putting in different tones in the fryer here.

Yellow and oranges.

Even the Jabberwock, he's got like a different.

There's an effort here to not just make the flames one color, which shows

a level of artistic.

It's fire.

I don't know.

I'm impressed.

You know what?

I would have bet the farm that it would just be like blue fire.

You wouldn't even realize it was fire you're coloring in.

Watch what that was?

No.

Well, that's cool, dude.

Witches?

The fates?

Yeah.

I got a lot of brown in here, though.

Like, I bet you, like, a psychotherapist could look at this and probably give some sort of reading upon just upon the choices of going all brown.

I bet you, when you colored this, you weren't in a good mood because

it was coloring.

Because there's no

nuances in the browns.

It's either like you just colored harder, it looks like, on the ears.

How could he not be in a good mood?

Coloring that sexy little trumpet.

Oh, yeah.

Your wife is okay with you working on a scantily clad.

That one I did while she was sleeping.

Getting in the bathroom with the door locked.

What are you doing in there for so long, Brian?

Flashlight in my mouth.

I saw pencil shavings in the bathroom.

What the fuck are you doing?

Now, why do you choose some illustrations over others?

Oh, this one says a lot.

Oh, man, you have a field day with this one.

Why you chose to color this one?

There's like a woman with her mouth.

Oh, yeah.

It's like a like a sex.

She's in a pit of hypodermic needles and has a huge open wide mouth, gaping, some would say.

A gape.

What movie is that from?

I thought it might be from Saw.

Yeah, I think it's a saw trap, right?

But why did you choose to color this one over, let's say,

a more

traditional one?

Yeah, or like with like something like this.

Like, why were you like, oh, I got to color this one?

Because all the needles, I was like, they could be all different colors.

Really?

Yeah, that's really the only reason.

It didn't have anything to do with her.

Although, with her, I was like, she looks kind of like a hip chick.

That's why she has blue hair.

Again, into the blood, but you didn't go too bloody.

No.

I thought you would have some blood splatter there.

And that shows me that, you know, that's one of my earlier ones.

Oh, you're content.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

You're like, you're.

Why the fuck am I paying a shrink?

If he could prescribe medication, I'd be done.

Very good, though.

But what it did, though, A lot of people want to tell him Steve Dave coloring book now.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

So I thought maybe Patreon we could get it out there.

I don't know who the fuck's going to draw it.

Yeah, because

those are illustrations that, you know, you have to have a certain type of line work on those.

Very detailed, but you know, not a lot of black ink, though, because you want to leave a lot of space for the colors.

This isn't the type of thing where we just take a picture and then there's

a filter.

Yeah, that just makes it into a color.

That's why you've got BQ on a fucking

he's running a fucking.

He's rich.

He's got all his fancy computer apps and shit, you know?

It's just phones from the future.

It's just on my phone I have here that you have.

Let's open this up.

Yeah, like if you there's something to be said going old school and having like real illustrations, isn't there?

Yeah, I guess.

Who's going to do it, though?

You?

Oh, there's listeners.

We have so many talented artistic listeners.

It's unbelievable.

People like color even better than I do.

I wouldn't go that far.

So kind of crowdsourcing?

No, I'm setting them up, though, because I'm going to be really nice to him now because later when we play Purveyor's poses.

Yeah, yeah.

You're kind of lovely.

I'm going to have to come down a little bit harsher than I would on his coloring.

You must have listened to my songs.

I just did that.

That's cool.

Didn't that work?

That would work.

It works.

Yeah.

We're looking to.

Oh, a little Sunday Jeff action.

All right.

I'll bring my iPhone next week.

We'll take a bunch of shots.

And then four weeks later, we'll have a coloring book.

There you go.

Before we start our game, Tim, you might be interested in this.

Do you ever watch HG TV?

Good bones?

I think it's about houses and shit.

No.

Well, if you

know, but if you were aware of the fan, a defecating burglar strikes her home.

This was a couple weeks back.

What do you think's up with somebody?

You know, Walt's given his psychological

profile of me.

How do you feel about a person who goes and purposely shits on

somebody else's lawn?

Wait a minute.

So, okay, I thought it was a burglar.

No, I thought you said.

Did he steal any items from the house and then, while he was also in the house, he decided he would relieve himself?

No.

Went into her garage.

I guess the garage was left open and went in and shit on the garage floor and took off.

It's somebody she knows.

You think so?

Yeah.

It says the latest pooping burglar escapade came on the same day as the wedding of her other daughter, Kelsey.

Oh, yeah.

Well, there you go.

So that's somebody who maybe didn't get invited.

Yeah.

It seems very personal and intentional, she said.

Noting that the person

is a smart motherfucker, Walt.

Well, they didn't get invited because they shit everywhere.

They rummaged around in the garage, including the bathroom, so they know they had a bathroom, and that's what makes it feel personal because it's not like, oh, I need to go to the bathroom.

It's, oh, I'm going to leave my feces behind for you to clean up.

So you go home tonight.

Well, not tonight.

You're out with your mother.

Your bath's like, somebody shit on my toe.

And you come home to something like that.

Who cleans it?

You, the missus, or do you call in a third party?

Where is it?

It's on the front porch.

Probably take a snow shovel and like fling it off.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I wouldn't even know who to call.

Like, I go all the way down to Wawa and pick up a Mexican guy.

I'm like, this is going to be a short job.

It's going to be an ugly job.

What's that company that goes like it never happened?

What, for water damage?

I can't remember the name of that company.

Their catchphrase is like it never happened.

I mean, they would be, it's kind of like water.

It's almost like 80% water.

Once I spray it with water,

turn it into diarrhea.

I'm like, now you can clean it up.

Well, aren't there companies that clean up like dog shit?

Yeah.

You just say, big dog?

Yeah, there's actually a person down the street.

They run it out of their house, which is weird, but it's like when duty calls.

You know them?

I've seen this.

Yeah, I've seen the...

Is there a difference, though, and you're like, hey, I have.

I'm not going to lie to you.

Well, what are they going to do?

They're going to taste it and be like, this isn't a dog.

You can tell by the look of it, I think.

I mean, especially a professional knows what a fucking, if you looked at it all, fucking.

It's like a giant dog, like an Irish wolfhound or something, a giant dog.

Yeah, a professional knows what to eat so that the next day it's not going to just fall between the cracks of a porch or something.

It's going to be held together with like hay or something.

Yeah, I would be a little reluctant if I was running the When Duty Calls business to take on a job that called for cleaning a human's waist up.

I mean,

it's just too weird.

Well, you're just saying, I think it's a dog?

You could, but then when they come and they're like, that's not a dog.

I'm at it.

Well, you're here.

You have the scooper.

You don't have a scoop.

You do pick up shit.

It is shit.

Do you give them a bigger tip?

No, because you know it's not dog stuff.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Good on you.

I didn't think of that, though.

You guys are called those guys.

I give them a little bit of a tick.

I don't want to do anything anymore, let alone clean up shit.

I'm like, I don't want to blow these leaves with my, like, I even have like the blower, the leaf blower, but I'm like, it just fucking takes so long, and it like is fucking on my shoulder.

I'm like, I'll just hire the guy across the street to do it.

I just don't want to do anything.

How do you even blow your leaves?

Because then they get all wet and shit and rot.

Yeah, I probably will be out.

It's supposed to be better for your lawn if you leave the leaves on.

Oh, yeah?

That's what I tell my wife.

I was going to say, it would be my landlord's lawn, so I could.

I don't give a fuck.

I like blowing leaves.

I like blowing leaves.

You don't blow leaves.

No, it's just fucking like

the work of the

underclass.

No, it's just

mentally dead inside, you know, like

cleaning leaves is like busy work.

It's like you must have better things to do than fucking pulling.

Blow leaves from point A to point B to me.

Yeah, but they're in your yard.

Like, don't you look out your yard and like see all the leaves there?

I mean, it's only like four weeks out of the year.

You got to worry about it, really.

I've never, I will never blow a leaf it appeared at one time

really you know what i'm making a stand it just seems like it's just completely utterly pointless to blow a leaf from point a to point b but if it stays on your cement and it gets wet it could stain your cement

what's the worst though so i have a i have a leaf stain on my cement it's well it's kind of kind of pretty right like no it's not one leaf stain it's a bunch of them that turn this brown staining

hey whatever

You know what you're doing?

I could care less.

You've been a homeowner for a long time.

The lawn, I would just leave it on there.

But the sidewalk, yeah, you got to blow that shit off.

Do you have to?

Well, you should.

And like,

you could slip on it, too.

I mean, if they get slippery and you'd fall or somebody falls on, a mailman comes by, falls on it, wet leaves.

They own your house.

A mailman should fucking have the fucking wherewithal to fucking walk on a leaf.

Yeah, unless you're a newbie, you should know how to walk on a leaf, too.

I'm picking up.

So the leaves from your tree are everybody's problem but yours.

I got it.

I fucking agree with you, though.

Because all the leaves in my yard are not from any trees in my yard.

It's from fucking other trees, and they all blow into my yard.

And suddenly it's like, oh, now I got to do it.

Right, exactly.

Because these fucking jerk-offs blow it into my tree.

So are you saying I should be responsible to go into the neighbor's yards and pick up leaves that fell from my tree?

Well, let me ask something.

Do the branches go over into their property?

Who knows?

Most likely, in all the years I've lived here, I'm sure some branches have fallen into the tree.

No, no, no, no.

Like, do they overhang?

Like, the canopy of the tree.

Well, you know what?

You should cut the canopy on their side of the fence.

Or they should.

I've been told the structure of the tree cannot take cutting the limbs off so it doesn't hang over.

If I was your neighbor, I told my wife, that's why I don't do it.

If I was your neighbor and it bothered me that your leaves were falling on my tree,

I relaxed it.

And if they ever did, I would definitely be a good, I'm a good neighbor.

I I would be like, okay, I'll have someone take care of that.

I agree.

And I never do it.

No, I would get it done.

Well, well, first off, my wife would take care of all this.

She would just tell me about it, and I would be like, they said that?

You're kidding me.

I would be outraged for like two seconds, and I'd be like, oh, well, who cares?

Well, who cares?

Tim, do you want to take the reins?

Well, hold on.

I just want to explain to BQ the game, though.

Oh, that's true.

BQ.

Because he's never played before.

This is exciting.

This is a good one.

This is so the game, purveyors, posers, and playlists I came up with because

I wanted to inject some music into the podcast.

And I've always felt that the most intimidating clerk I've ever stood on the other side of a counter from has always been a record store clerk.

Okay.

I've always felt that they were

super informed and super judgmental.

Right.

Dicks almost.

No.

Not almost.

So just a bunch of pricks.

Yeah.

And so I wanted some

to bring that kind of like

respect.

Repulsive energy.

And I knew that Tim was a record star clerk, so I thought he would be perfect in the role as playing our record star clerk and judging playlists based upon themes that we would

play

in certain episodes.

We would have a theme, we would compile a three-song playlist for that theme, we would then argue why our songs are better and why the opponent's songs were trash, and then at the end of the episode, after hearing all the arguments and

all the reasons that my list was always better than Brian's or what I was playing against, Tim would then judge and deem be the final say on who was the purveyor and who was the poser.

Okay.

Okay.

I wish you would explain that to me in advance because I didn't listen to the songs that you guys said that you picked.

Oh, you know.

Oh, I thought you were here one day when we played.

No, I didn't know that.

Are you familiar with any of the songs?

I don't know.

If you want to take a five-minute, I could just quickly give a listen.

I think

you are so quick on your feet.

You don't probably need five minutes.

Okay.

We'll give you three.

Hey, you know what?

While you're doing it, let me tell you about it.

The other ads.

We're silly with ads today, let me tell you and i know you like this one because your hair looks real nice uh hawthorne

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and i'm not talking about uh how do they seven gables here i'm talking about hawthorne the uh personal care company right so whether you're treating yourself or shopping for someone on your list finding the right holiday gift is never easy but this holiday season hawthorne is making the gift giving fun and simple They're a premium tailored personal care brand that's making it easy for guys to feel and smell their best.

We need something something for us.

We need something for men.

Not everything has to be shared.

Sometimes you just want to do some manly stuff like use Hawthorne.

So you start with a quiz and they're going to ask you stuff like, you know, how do you spend a night out?

What do you smoke?

And then they're going to factor all these things in.

Ever.

Ever.

Unless it's.

Ever.

Never smoking.

Not since 1984.

Not even smoking fools.

I do that every day.

Sometimes I can't smoke.

Why don't they have a cent for that?

Walt, I know you got the shampoo.

I got the shampoo.

I got like 60 bottles of the shampoo.

Walt is set for shampoo.

Are they tiny bottles or will this last you for the rest of your life?

They gave us a budget, and I just went for the most expensive thing that they had on the site.

So I took

all my allotted money, all my credit that I could spend there, I took it all in shampoo.

Wow.

Yeah.

Well, now, Tim, when you came in, you were like, oh, my God, is it like your 30th birthday?

Because you noticed that my skin was so smooth.

was free right shockingly smooth right well that's thanks to hawthorne uh because i got nearly everything i got the face cream i got the uh deodorant i got the the conditioner and the hair i got all of it just so i and i i like it i like it a lot uh and you get to build those personalized things uh it's a fun and convenient way to get super high quality products tailored specifically for men Hawthorne even takes the risk out of it by giving you free shipping on your orders and returns.

And if you don't like their products, they'll retailer them.

So if like, by the time, like, say, you're like, hey, I don't smoke.

And then by the time you get your stuff, you're like a confirmed crackhead, you know, they're going to retailer it for you.

However, crackheads want to smell.

They'll like reformulate the stuff for you.

Well, so those 59 bottles I still have that are sealed, I can send them back.

Well, if you change your lifestyle into something

suddenly, you're like, you know,

I'm going to shave my head.

I don't need this fucking shampoo.

I don't need this stuff, but I do want my face to be smooth.

Send me 59 cases of

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So if you want to look on fleek like us,

I cannot tell you the number of times I get that.

I'm like, Damn, boy, you want Fleek?

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Aw, you shouldn't have.

Q is still listening to the songs.

He's not as quick on his feet as I thought he was.

No, he only had an hour to listen to them on his way down here.

Now, Tim, we're giving you our songs.

Well, you haven't really described, have you, what it's about.

Well, the playlist theme for tonight.

Right.

Because Q notes, so you can do it.

Q Notes.

Yeah, so the playlist theme for those listening at home is

songs to get busy to.

Mm-hmm.

And

Tim, you texted me a day after getting the playlists.

Yes.

Because you get them early so you can do a little research on them so you can familiarize yourself with the songs.

You wanted some clarification.

You were like, is this songs to get you in the mood or actual songs that you would would play while in the act?

Yes.

And I thought that was a bad sign because that meant that you may have.

Tim's a virgin.

Don't tell my wife.

I thought that may have been a bad sign that maybe some of the songs you were not impressed with.

I was not.

Really?

Yes.

Well, I just got caught up with them.

But you don't know who he's not impressed with.

I got to agree so far with Tim.

Some odd choices in there.

Charitable description.

Yeah.

All right.

Okay.

But this is really the most personal

playlist ever.

It's really hard to judge because I'm not in there to put you in a fucking notebook and be like, yeah, okay.

Well, who better than a middle-aged man to judge other middle-aged men's playlists to get busy, too?

Now, do you, at the end, pick just an overall list or a song?

I pick who has the tightest list.

The strongest list.

Okay, okay.

So, like, say, Wall could have one great song and two really bad songs.

Unlikely.

Unlikely as that is.

I'm just using that as a.

But the arguments are going to mean everything.

I feel the arguments

don't carry as much weight as they should with the record store clerk.

No, they do, actually.

It seems like he already knows.

Right.

I feel he comes in a little.

Of course, I come in biased, but then everybody has to sell their shit.

He's a record store clerk.

He's an all-knowing bouchebag.

Exactly, exactly.

He's a great energy.

He's a human sneer.

It's like the record store guy.

It's like the comic book guy in The Simpsons, but in record store guy form.

Great.

So our job is to convince him and to maybe turn him around on a song that he may have been like ridiculous.

Well, I'm regretting one of my choices then because I picked a Tell him Steve Dave reference.

Right, and that's in one of my arguments here tonight.

But I didn't know we were arguing with each other.

I would like to, I'd like to swap that out.

Oh, too late.

This is only an exhibition match, but still, we still got to follow the rules of the game.

Well, I didn't know.

You nobody told me the rules.

You were the last one in, too.

I mean, the game's only been a part of your company for how long now?

You're not aware of it.

But if I had the time to listen to it, I'd have the time to be in it.

Don't you understand?

We're going to let you go last, though.

So me and Brian will show you how the game is played, and then you'll have more than enough.

Okay.

You'll be able to hit the ground running, and you know what to do.

Fuck you.

It's Tom, Steve, Dave.

I got you, I'm with you.

So, I would like to go first.

But, do you, can I just ask: do you

are taking the arguments into consideration?

And are we presenting the arguments to you or just ripping into each other like assholes?

Both.

A little both.

Got it.

Okay.

All right.

All right.

You have to defend your choices.

Understood.

I'm in.

And then fight off your challenges.

Yeah.

And you have to.

And I'll ask a couple.

I might ask some questions.

Oh, this is going to be great.

Like, why the fuck did you pick this?

Okay.

All right.

Now, I don't know if you heard this, but Tim came in already

unhappy with the choices.

Yeah, he picked up a hurt.

All the choices.

No, no, not all the choices.

Some choices.

Most of the choices.

Well, what are you making love to?

What's your go-to?

Like, you put out one song?

Just give us one song so we know what we're doing.

Raising on the moon?

Well, yeah, of course.

Well, Benny Hill theme.

There you go.

Massive Attack.

Oh, wow.

All right.

Like Mezzanine.

That's a go-to album.

Is that obscure?

I don't think it is.

No.

But I'm a fucking idiot.

Do you listen exclusively to the business?

They're British, right?

Massive Attack?

Yeah, yeah, they're over there.

Do you listen exclusively to Ribeye Brothers while doing your thing?

Yeah,

yeah.

Now, the fact that I know who Massive Attack is...

Does that get me any points with the judge?

It shouldn't.

I love it.

It really shouldn't.

Honesty is always.

Sorry, guys.

Yeah.

I know what that is, therefore I get a point.

Well, that's not the game.

I could lie, too, and say, oh, I love them.

But then you guys are arguing with the judge.

Yeah.

All right.

I just pretended I knew what it was and he believed it.

They usually argue.

The only person who never argued was

Sunday Jeff.

That makes sense.

Who had the worst argument?

He doesn't have a pulse.

He had the worst arguments.

Like, unbelievably.

Like, I kind of like wanted to, like, I felt bad, but like, you got to stand up for your fucking choices.

Oh, this is exciting.

I felt pummeled.

Yeah, it was bad.

I mean, not as bad as Giddam.

And then you fucking hit me with the shit about Gidham.

And I didn't know know Giddam's backstory.

Oh, you didn't know that he was off the stage?

No, I didn't.

He was off Kilter?

No,

I knew he was off Kilter, but I mean, I didn't know he was.

I didn't know he was retarded.

I didn't know, like, it was like, you know.

Should that play a factor, though, in winning or losing, though?

Not for my embarrassment, yeah.

No, no.

Who was he going up against, too?

Oh, you was up against Eric, right?

Yeah.

All right.

Yeah, I mean, that was just.

And you fucking

college edge on the docks right at the end.

You were just kind of like...

Because I was his corner man.

I was going to get

a story, don't you?

And I was like, no.

And then you fucking went through this

fucking just horror.

Now, what about something like for this theme, which is

songs to get busy to?

What about the cliched Barry White?

Would that have been a...

Ooh.

I didn't know if the record store clerk would poo-poo a fucking pedestrian cliched choice, though.

But I mean, it's.

That's that's where your head goes to immediately.

Yeah, which I was surprised that

nobody's head went there.

Because

we got to be us.

Yeah, which is

shockingly weird.

All right, so I'm going to go first.

And then, Bri, then you can attack, and then you can attack.

All right, and then, and, of course, uh, Tim can question.

So, I should go with from number three to note to number one.

Sure.

All right.

Um,

Andy Gibbs Shadow Dancing.

Yeah.

Familiar with it?

Yeah.

A big hit in the 70s.

It was 78.

78.

Um,

I chose this song

because each of my three songs shows a different side of my personality.

Okay.

And shadow dancing is my playful, goofy, but still charming as hell side.

Also outdated.

Oh!

And definitely chosen chosen because I am not ashamed of my age.

Right.

And I am not ashamed to fucking wear it on fucking Front Street, Main Street, or Broad Street.

Okay.

Wow.

I'm completely self-aware and shows how comfortable I am with myself

and what I choose to get down with.

It just sounded really like you're at a fucking prom or something.

And it just sounded like

I raised my eyebrows.

I kind of you're saying

and my and my lady knows like oh he's so silly but oh god I can't I can't say no

yeah he I can't say no and he breaks out and plus shadow dancing didn't know it as a kid didn't know it in 78 but shadow dancing is um is a metaphor or an you know to actually making love the shadows on the wall and you're dancing you're having a very sweet romantic dance cast upon the shadows of the wall of coitus how harsh is the lighting in your room

Shadows and shit.

No, no, I'm talking about the song.

I didn't know it as a kid that you were talking about.

This is the sort of bullshit that works with you?

No, okay, gosh.

It does not.

It just sounds sincere whatsoever.

I was insincere about it.

I mean, just the way you were talking about this stupid song from the 70s, like

it was the reason people have sex, is silly.

You didn't mention the song once or what it is about the song that gets you ready to go.

It's all about him.

Yeah, you just made it about yourself in Front Street.

I'm not going to lie.

All my three choices are all about me.

Not one choice was made with my wife's consideration.

I can tell that by one of your other choices.

I was thinking that, too.

No input.

This wasn't my wife's playlist.

This was my playlist.

You haven't told me why.

I don't understand the game yet because you've yet to say anything as to why that song gets you.

Okay, because the song Shadow Dancing is about making love.

Okay, so that's it.

But there's a lot of songs about making love.

Right, and you had to pick that one.

But this one I chose because it's goofy and it shows my playful side because like I said I have different sides to me

are you playing to the crowd or your wife yeah that's what I'm talking about so this is this is not like

it's not number one it's number three right you know so but I get to it gets to show you and the listeners and everybody playing that I'm not just about like you know like wham bam thank you ma'am I'm like I could be funny too I could crack a joke while I'm in the midst of what's going on I could be like oh now you know Have you heard the one?

That's why you think they're laughing?

Is this what I'm supposed to be doing?

Yeah.

Okay, I got it.

All right, I'm in.

I'm in.

I got it.

I think it's weird because

it's a song that was incredibly popular when we were like 10 or 11.

Right.

So that's what that song reminds me of.

So to get in the mood, to special songs when you're 10 or 11.

To get me in the mood, I'm already there.

You're already in the mood.

I'm already there.

So this just kind of moves you to the next level?

Or like I said, it just seems that like it just seems almost soft on inducing.

Are we talking about

it just doesn't seem like Ganitel extra rigid rigid

or flaccid we're talking about?

Yeah.

Don't even go there because that's not even an issue ever again.

All right.

Okay.

The word that comes in stay hard during this song and then the other fucking Andy Gamp was a fucking pin-up boy, fucking, you know, a 10 by any stretch of the imagination, right?

That's what gets you going.

As I was going to say,

whatever floats you're going to be.

Oh, come on, we know, we know one of your choices was a fucking 10 and a fucking pretty boy, too.

Yeah, but that's not why I picked it up.

None of mine are too.

Yeah, I don't.

I don't know if you noticed that.

He's not using that, or he hasn't yet, as like a selling point.

But you don't really like that song when you hear it?

Like, when you hear it,

you change the channel.

No, I would definitely listen to it, but sexually, it wouldn't do anything for me.

In terms of like, hey, baby,

let's move to the next level in bed.

Like, look at the shadows on the wall.

Right, but I think that I think you're still thinking, like, this is my romantic side.

It's not.

No, I know.

It's your funny goofy.

This is my goofy, playful, like,

still a little boy at horse.

Yeah, that's what I'm wondering.

Like, I want to, like, paint the picture in the bedroom.

Like, you come in with a clown nose on.

Because we've been married as long as I have.

Like,

you want to be a different person sometimes, have a different attitude, a different demeanor.

It can't always be about, you know, that fucking burning look, like, you know, like just stare you down.

Sounds like it's got to be a farce.

Mad Capital.

But, like, you have said, though, you don't change the song, right?

I wouldn't change a song, though.

Didn't you change the song when it came on?

It's a good song.

It's a decent song.

It's one of his top songs.

It's a song.

Certainly fits

the description of song.

He could dance like a motherfucker.

You're familiar with the song though?

Yes, I know.

It's a little bit up before your time because we know you're not.

Because we know you're younger than us.

It's a famous song.

It's a famous song.

I'm a kid.

Yeah.

Look,

I'm going to shoot straight with you.

I saw the rationale behind it

of the era,

of what that era evokes.

What it means to me.

Well, no, no, I couldn't say that.

I could just say, like, I know disco evokes a very free, a very loving time, but if I was going to go in that era, that is not the direction I would go.

For a disco song.

For a disco song.

What would you choose for your disco song?

I'd probably go to ABBA before anything else.

Like, I'm sure they got.

ABBA.

Abert.

Composer.

I've heard a proposal.

In our mist.

I've heard her composer.

I love Aubrey.

You are the dancing queen.

That's just how we speak on Staten Island.

Either pronunciation is speaking.

Yeah.

It's not.

What do you mean?

To you, maybe, but not to Abba, though.

Well, I mean, in Europe, they call him Abba.

He's fucking with their brand.

I'm European.

I'm continental.

Is there anything left to have any other words

about?

No, I mean, I understand your reasoning behind it.

It hasn't sold you.

Don't tell us.

It has not.

It has not.

I mean, I get it.

But it just seems like.

Maybe I come out of the shower dancing like Andy Gibb.

Whatever I want to put that picture in your head.

You know, I mean, mean, it's just a t-shirt, nothing else.

Yeah,

I mean, okay.

Let's make the shadows dance.

Yeah, I've actually said that.

Really?

I wasn't going to reveal that.

And you're still.

I want to win this.

How'd you respond?

It's two o'clock in the afternoon.

It's got a little afternoon delight.

I was going to use that one too.

Oh, that's a good one.

I was going to use that one, but I thought it was like Barry White, though.

It was too on the money.

It was too fucking like trying to get

the money.

Trying to play to the rental.

no i mean that's supposed to be what you're you know

i i agree with you like uh i i didn't want to play to the record store clerk either with like the easy pedestrian choices yeah i definitely know you didn't

uh but i i would have thought that he would have looked down on those choices as well like starland vocal uh or uh the barry white stuff why because he's a rocker because he would because he would be like there's he knows way more songs than we'll ever fucking know oh come on he's just so really bottom right no no no so he would look down at those those choices.

Cuff his balls if you're going to fucking.

But I mean, it's just

the songs like workloads.

I'm agreeing with you.

I want to kiss his ass.

Cliche songs work, you know?

I mean, they're cliché, like I was saying, they're cliche for a reason.

But shadow dance is not cliche, though.

Yeah, I know, but that's, it's not cliche for a reason because

it's a legitimately fucking good song to put on when you're, like I said, when you're, I want to use the same word over and over again.

I got it.

Maybe if I had a

synonym for goofy, I would use it right now, but I can't think of any.

Playful.

Playful.

All right.

So, UQ, you got anything else on that?

No, no, that's good.

You know that he was the brother of the Bee Gees.

I'm sure.

Andy Gibbon.

And died young.

Oh, he had a

bad Coke habit.

What's that?

Is that what did it to him?

He died of a heart attack because he destroyed his heart.

Coke he did.

Coke must be something else.

I think it is.

Hell of a drug.

Number two.

This one,

I knew I was going to get hammered for it, but like I said, I'm going to be me no matter what, even if it costs me a purveyor title.

Johnny Pearson's heavy action.

This is pretty fucking inspired.

You like this?

I love this.

What?

This is fucking genius.

I mean, it's just like.

This legitimately has happened on more than one occasion, and I'll tell you.

Hail the conquering hero.

I don't know if you know, familiar with this song.

Because I know, like I said, you're fucking young, and you're way younger than us.

That younger than you are.

He dropped it.

He immediately came in and said, you're old.

Well, by choice, he was making

a lot of money.

Before you even got the chance to be like, I wear it on front of you.

I don't care.

I was trying to come up with the past because he was going to use that technique.

But this song or this mute piece of music was the opening to Monday Night Football when I was a kid.

And when I hear...

I wasn't even aware that that was a band then.

Johnny Pearson?

Yeah, I thought it still was.

I thought it was too.

They don't use that anymore in the episode.

They use it in small snippets now.

Plus, they replace it for many years with, hey, are you ready for some football?

Who's that?

Which is your third choice.

No, but heavy action, when I hear heavy action,

I'm Earl Campbell looking for daylight, you know, running to daylight.

I'm Lynn Swan making the circus catch.

I'm Walter Payton going over the top at the goal line.

I'm all those guys, and I'm fucking.

This is when I'm stressed out.

Are you in Blackface?

Because that's the only way I see this happening.

It's a whole thing.

This is like when I'm stressed out, and there is no, like, there's no playful side, there's no tender side.

This is just me being

like an animal?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Great choice of words.

I love that.

I don't want to say it because I have a little too much pride.

And you're, wait, so.

And when your wife hears those dun dun dun dun, she's like, let's do it.

I'm ready to go.

I can't imagine any woman being like.

Yes.

Is this what you psych yourself up with in a different room?

Or is this actually playing?

Is this playing out of the way?

This is really important.

It's like a symphony of

majestic tones that like can bring the athlete out of me.

When I think the athlete is gone for me totally at this age this music can bring it out and I'm doing stuff that I haven't done in years

such as

putting the lights on

but there's socks off

but yeah that's why I chose that song I can run through a brick wall listening to that song.

But maybe I'm not understanding it correctly.

Because

we're saying the greatest lovemaking song, but you're not saying that that enhances lovemaking.

You're saying that preps you for it, and that no woman would be into that.

Well, it's all a part of the dance, right?

Well, I mean.

But if a woman would be repulsed by it, like, I could have put an ICP song on there if I fucking got me going.

It doesn't mean that it gets her going.

Like, isn't lovemaking about two people coming together?

And it's just like, I don't know.

Is it?

I just don't know if that.

I'm confused because I don't know.

Because, well, I'm not trying to fuck fuck you.

No,

you're the one that's

as long as he'd be playing your cornea selections.

Yeah.

Okay.

But it's what works, you know, for me and my partner.

Right.

And this song happens to do the trick.

All right.

I want to.

I can't argue with that.

First time you played it.

Yeah.

She doesn't even know what it is.

Oh, she's not going to be able to do it.

I told her it's from like, you know, the 70s Love Making fucking album.

You know, it's like it's.

This is Barry White.

She doesn't know what it is.

She's never seen Monday Night Football.

Oh, boy.

Wow.

I don't even have to explain it.

I don't think she's ever even asked me what it is.

I thought this was, I, one, I thought this was a joke selection.

Two, I never thought Tim would be like, I'm with you.

Yeah.

It's insane.

Because it makes you feel virile.

It makes you feel like, you know, that like

I'll give you fucking 50 kids tonight.

All down the gold.

This song, this song, if this song doesn't get you moving, you're dead.

Okay.

That's what this song was.

I'm going to put it to the test.

I'll record it as a matter of fact.

I'll do that.

I mean, I'll do audio.

I'll just do audio and I'll be like, I want to put something on and I'll play it.

Well, it has to be like in the midst of a couple other tracks.

Okay.

So you just can't kick it off with that.

It has to be layered.

Yeah.

And I tackle her like I'm fucking

with Walter the Fridge.

That's William Perry.

Oh, Perry?

William Perry was the fridge.

William Perry.

Yeah.

Walter Payton was the guy.

He was the great song.

Same team, though.

Yeah, same team.

I'm right there.

I'm almost there.

All right.

Now, anything else on Monday Night Football?

No, I think that one speaks for itself.

And my last selection is

this song represents my tender side.

And it's played when I want to connect both physically and emotionally.

Unlike the other times.

I dust this one up every once in a while.

Are you telling me you connect emotionally every single time?

If you do, you're lying.

I would say 90% of the times I don't.

So if I happen to not connect emotionally

once or twice.

I'm just asking questions, bro.

That's all.

All right.

I'm allowed to ask questions in this country now.

Now, the third.

And I even tell you what the name of the song was?

It was Silver Chair is My Favorite Thing off the album Diorama.

Right.

I think it's a beautiful song, and I really can't figure out why it wasn't a huge hit for them.

The lyrics are

so, so good, and I just love the way the song sounds.

This is the children band, right?

They were really young when they started.

Yeah, they were in their 20s when they wrote this one, though.

It was one of our last records.

Yeah.

They're not together anymore?

No, they're not together anymore.

But this song really, I think, is

the song that can,

you know,

during the right moment, you know, maybe even tears can come out, you know.

Wow.

Is that what you're looking for?

I'm just just looking for a purveyor type of thing.

Usually, it's my partner who has tears in her eyes.

I can't really rip you on this because

I don't know the song.

So, when I listened to it, I was like, oh, I mean, I guess.

It's like a ballad.

It's a really personal love song.

It doesn't seem like it's.

What do you think about the structure of the song, though?

I mean, it's beautifully composed.

Yeah.

I mean, it says all the right things if you're trying to connect emotionally.

But I mean are you listening to lyrics?

Well, I'm talking about well, I mean I have to listen you have to listen to the song probably before you put it into your rotation of this theme the film.

I understand, but I mean like it

and it like it connects to me where I'm like oh yeah I mean like yeah what he's saying he's putting into words what I'm maybe what I can't put into words sometimes.

But I mean that seems more like

Like you kind of want something you can just

go with not something you have to think about.

I like how Tim's doing our work for us.

What do you mean?

What do you have to think about, though?

It's a beautifully composed song.

But you don't want to listen to

lyrics, is what I'm saying.

Probably, I mean, I already know the lyrics.

I'm talking about when I first heard it.

That's why the song connected with me, and that's why I chose to put it on my playlist

so many years ago.

And it continues to remain on my playlist.

Do you actually have a playlist that you

sometimes

for the purposes of this argument?

Yes.

Okay, but this song, yeah, this song is, I think it's a lovely song.

I just think it's.

I can't figure out why it wasn't a hit for them.

It just.

Yeah, I mean, but I mean, I can dig why you're wondering why it wasn't a hit, but then, like,

wasn't a hit, and then making love with your wife, two completely different things.

Is that what you discussed while having sexually?

I can't believe that.

This was awesome.

Listen to the composition.

Yeah, but really, yeah, we're not actually focusing on the song.

It's just a backdrop

to everything.

It's just like kind of in the background.

It's a little snoozy musically.

Well,

sometimes it's just, you know, it's a lazy Sunday.

You know, it's drizzling outside.

No shadows on the wall.

Yeah, just not enough light to make a shadow.

Nobody's in a joking mood.

I'm too tired to play football in my head.

You're not goofy.

Yeah.

And this song, I think, it just sums up, you know, like

some of the feelings I have, and

it resonated with me, and I chose to put it on my playlist.

And I've never removed it from my playlist because of its significance and its power that I feel it has.

Trying to fucking

top those fucking reasons.

Who knew he was?

You're a little naked there.

I'm just a.

Thank you.

Thank you for acknowledging my newness.

I don't think it's going to help you.

Oh,

I mean, I appreciate your raw,

uncomfortable.

Wow.

And I dared my soul for you

guys here tonight.

I sure did.

Yeah, maybe a little too much.

Yeah.

Do you have anything?

Because you said you don't really know the song.

I don't really know that song, but I did listen to it while you guys were doing the commercial, and it sounded like a song that I could

get into.

It's a great song.

I'll put it this way.

If I was in the midst of it and that came on, I wouldn't be like, hold on, I got to to shut this off.

Right.

So I didn't really have a lot to make fun of.

Fair enough.

Two people have said, made that point.

They would not turn either of these songs off.

Well, I thought I would.

Well, if I was in a car.

But I'm just saying, not turning the song off is

not the same thing as, yeah.

But it says a lot.

It has to say something if they turn the song off, though.

Right.

And they admit to keeping the song off.

Because the only song that I would really have to turn off is like the Cards for Kids jingle if it came off.

That's the only thing that's going to stop it.

So it's not a high bio, I suppose.

It's a low threshold for turning side.

Who doesn't mean much?

We're playing a little bit of that right now.

That song that Q just mentioned, for those who aren't familiar with that song.

Put yourself to the test.

Have sex to this song.

A song sung by children?

Yeah,

fake children.

I think it's an adult doing a kid's voice.

I am completely comfortable with those three choices.

I am going to be very, very shocked if you're able to vote against me after my arguments.

Really?

And they're weak-ass arguments, I feel.

They really didn't come after me at all.

They showed no teeth.

We felt bad.

They just turned over on their bellies.

Okay.

Is that how you remember it?

Well, it's

no.

Go ahead, Brian.

Yeah, you want me to go next?

Well, I thought you would go last.

Okay.

Tim, first,

for my first song, which is Is You Is or Is You Ate My Baby?

It's a remix.

There's a theme of remixes in his choices.

Yeah, there are.

And this first song.

I like the way you said that, kind of like, don't give them full credit.

They're all fucking remixes.

It doesn't matter at all.

Oh, it definitely does matter.

And I'll tell you what.

It doesn't matter.

Okay.

I don't want to interrupt you.

It's going to matter.

I'm going to show you why it matters.

Well, you're going to try.

This first song, written by Lewis Jordan, who was a popular songwriter and band leader from the late 30s to the early 50s, and was known as King of the Jukebox.

The song was covered by Bing Crosby and the Andrews Sisters, and it was also covered in 1946.

The Inkspots did it too, right?

I didn't see anything about Frank.

Joe Jackson did it, too.

Yeah, Frank Sinatra did it.

They did it for a Tom and Jerry short.

And it was all covered, it was also covered by Layman's Flesh and Pen, Big Bad Boodoo Dice.

This is just a little bit of a little bit of backstory.

Do you want me to go right to the fucking meat then?

Please, for the listener's sake,

I wish you would.

Rather than give it your fucking Wikipedia.

Because my

pretty close to Wikipedia entry, right?

Well, mine are staggered.

It's like, this is how I start.

My next song is the buildup.

Then the next song is bringing it home.

That's how I arrange it.

Sure.

So this first song.

That is...

That could be a mess-up right there.

It could be, but probably not.

But I'm about to tell you why.

Because the first song,

my girl, my wife, she, let me show you a picture.

We went to a King Diamond concert.

Just so you have a visual.

I see what you're doing.

Just so you have a visual, let me show you a picture of her.

Okay, that's her.

She will dance to this song for me.

She's a dancer, not a stripper, but you know, she had 10 years of dance.

So that's why I like this song because I don't have to do anything.

Wait a minute, did you?

So were you introduced to this song by your wife?

No, I found it.

It was actually

on a playlist, on a jazz playlist.

Because sometimes I'll just, you know, I'll run like...

Sometimes I'll run 1920s music.

Sure.

Just like Boardwalk Empire type stuff.

Sometimes it's rap, sometimes it's metal.

Never Cars for Kids, though.

Never.

Never that one.

So basically, this is my moving into it song.

And I prefer this one because she's got it down now.

She's got her moves.

She's got the dance.

And I actually like the song quite a bit.

Yeah, it's enough.

Even though it's a remix.

I like, I mean, it's solid, swings.

It's kind of so sweet.

It's upbeat, right?

It's upbeat.

It gets your blood flowing.

Not as much as, you know, a Johnny Pearson

football song.

That Johnny Pearson song.

I like...

Alright, this is the rules of forming for me now.

So the idea wasn't to come up with a song that we feel is great for the masses.

It's a song that the playlist is about.

It's personal.

Oh, well, then I've got this in the bag.

I've won this.

This is fantastic.

Isn't that why my songs weren't personal?

Yeah, but it was bullshit.

It was just.

But that is not an argument.

That is not an argument.

No, it's not not an argument.

You shouldn't be laughing at me that hard as that.

It wasn't even funny.

I don't know if anybody believes that Monday Night Football is playing in your bedroom.

It seems unlikely.

You're going to call into question my character and my integrity.

Am I honest?

I'm just saying what Tim's thinking.

That's all.

You legitimately think I have not played this song?

I think you played the song, but I don't know if you played the song in that situation.

But the way way he's acting right now, I totally believe he has played that song.

It's actually okay.

Now you're okay.

It's not bullshit.

Okay, okay.

And I have, but I, again, and it's true, my wife has no idea what the song is from.

She's never even questioned what it's from.

Did Joan ever watch football back in the day?

She never heard it?

She would never have been sitting around watching football.

How am I to argue, like, all right, so Johnson has

a sweet young wife, looking great.

She's a dancer.

He puts on this song.

And

without being disrespectful, that piece of ass starts dancing all over the house.

Fuck yeah.

So how are we supposed to argue with that?

I know.

Do you want to hear?

Well, no, that's why, like,

that's why this is...

This is impossible to fucking judge.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, do you want to hear how you're doing?

Well, you've just cracked this.

I know this.

His songs I knew.

This is the last episode.

Thank you very much.

Well, I can just see if it's just like best driving songs, you can be like,

that's an argument.

Yeah, this is.

We're talking about songs that work for us.

What's the argument?

I know.

Three of us aren't in there.

Someone's just got to be better than the others, though.

It's just

to be.

I know.

But I mean, like,

Waltz, which, you know, were Waltz.

Like, they work for Walt.

And obviously you.

It's not like with Johnny Pearson.

Yeah, I'm not playing fucking Johnny Pearson.

I mean, I dig that it was like out of the fucking box and completely from that field.

But like, I'm not fucking introducing that.

Like, and but if she doesn't know what the song is from, what difference does it make?

Well, because she's heard, she'll hear the song and she'll be like, what the fuck is this?

Is this like a tire commercial?

Well, for me, I feel that a remix

is almost a robotic choice.

It has no real emotion attachment to it, a remix, because it feels like it's computerized.

It's been run through a computer and spit out.

It almost turns out to be a drink.

I don't understand what a remix is.

But I mean, it's got a good beat.

Exactly.

Which almost

all his songs have the same beat.

There's no real human connection that this or any of his songs offer his partner or me.

Well, what makes you feel like I want to see that?

I see that kind of diagram.

He's talking about emotional connections.

I rarely make emotional connections, so we don't even have to worry about it.

Yeah, I mean...

But that's what I feel like his songs really played into that, though.

Like, they're kind of computerized.

But maybe he doesn't need emotional connection.

Oh, yeah, no, he definitely doesn't.

Well, then.

Right.

I mean, you're

setting it up.

He does not.

You're setting standards for something he doesn't need.

Right.

But I'm telling you.

That then you cannot fucking choose his songs over mine, though,

knowing full well that these are fucking just shot through a computer and spit out.

but they're not you know that first one isn't i mean the bird remix yeah it's that's not one you would just pick out of a fucking hat granted it's not but it's the same kind of song as his as his next remix oh yeah it's it's it's completely not the same but it's the same it's the same speed though yeah but that you know it's the same speed there is no no that's absolutely not true did you listen to the next song of course i did and you don't think that that slows down from the first one the first one's very up okay your second one isn't white zombie No, my second one is Forgot About Dre.

Okay.

Which it brings, it slows it back down.

Which fucking perplexes me no end.

With that fucking skit part, what are you guys role-playing in that?

Wait, hold on, wait, wait.

Let's, before we go on to song two,

do you have anything?

So you're going to tell me you're not even going to argue this?

Well, I'm trying to figure out how I could argue.

No, I can't argue with that one because what I just said, if that's what gets Mary Beth up and dancing, I don't know how to argue with that.

Let me turn on something else.

Why the fuck would I do that?

But

you're trying to win the recognition's approval.

I'm not.

No, but he's...

In this arena, yes, we are.

At home, yeah, we don't care what Tim thinks.

Even outside the door.

Yeah, I know, but so far, there's really not.

I mean, I got to be honest, too.

You want me to attack just to attack?

I mean, yeah, that's kind of the whole point.

But even if you're not going to win,

but I don't need to tear you guys down to win.

I'm going to win.

Okay.

Then you could choose to go that route and offer no resistance.

I think it'll be a bad move on your part.

But all you did was misunderstand remixes and then attacking.

That fucking song is definitely just put through a fucking filter on a computer.

There is no doubt about it.

That is just some sort of like cookie-cutter fucking remix.

Even if that's true, who cares?

There's no fucking art to that.

That's just like...

That's absolutely.

It's just a mess.

But your argument is it doesn't work.

Scratching a record.

But it does work.

I mean, that's the whole thing.

Like, if it works.

You think scratching it works for him.

Does it work?

Yeah.

Yeah, we know that it works for him.

But it's not, but

it's kind of homogenized.

You have the NFL Monday Night Football thing.

Right.

An orchestra fucking composed that shit.

Yeah, but it's corporate bull.

It's a jingle.

It was not created for Monday Night Football.

No, it's not.

It was created for

a BBC show called Superstars.

Boom.

Well, it's pretty much the same thing.

It's the same thing, yeah.

I usually fuck to the Oscar Meyer journal stage.

So, wait, what was the first song again?

I forgot what we're even.

Oh, it was Is You Is.

Can you remind us again?

Is You Is or Is You Ain't My Baby?

Very famous song.

It's a classic song.

You didn't choose the classic.

You chose the robotic.

Sure, if you want to say it's robotic, but I mean, that's what I identify with.

Being emotionless.

It's the beat per minute.

For the most part.

It's the beat purr.

I forget.

I'm not a musician, but what's that beat purr?

Beat per minute.

Yeah, it's like it's that same like plodding.

It's a 4-4.

Not really music.

Absolutely.

That song's plodding.

Does it sound like it right there?

That boom, boom.

Is you is or is you ain't, my baby?

Are you crazy?

It's the same thing.

I've heard it a billion other remixes, though.

What?

You guys are going to let that go?

You're saying a billion other remixes.

Listen to a billion other remixes.

That, I hear it right there.

How is this different?

It's the same.

It's that same kind of like tempo that never changes throughout the whole song, though.

Hold on.

Don't worry.

It works.

It works.

It works for what?

Your lady dancing half naked for you.

It works for that.

Yeah.

She loves me.

Woo.

Yeah, but see,

that's why this is a tough subject.

She's got a lusty, sexy voice.

I don't know.

That one works for me,

the whole smoky fucking.

It works.

Yeah.

Shadows all over the wall.

I don't have a problem with that.

You should.

All right.

All right.

Maybe you don't.

I'll try and go harder on him.

You don't have to.

I mean, it's all about

where you're comfortable

where you want to go and where you don't want to.

It's more difficult to jump onto because I kind of saw it.

It reminded me of the strip club.

I feel like.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's just kind of sexy.

But like I said, though, there's no room for

friendship.

Yeah, I just but here's the thing, well if I attack him with nonsense, I'm going to undermine my own credibility.

And I don't want when the time comes for me to explain my own choices, I don't want him to be like, well, he'll say anything.

I want him to know I'm a man of integrity.

If I think that that works, I got to say it works.

Why do you think that you think he has

integrity because of my arguments?

But we're not talking about you.

But you know, but you're saying there that, like, if I, if I do what

if I go the route that I went and I attack his.

No, because you genuinely feel that way.

Yeah.

I just don't feel that way.

You know what?

There have been songs that have been so

coming up.

There's one coming up where

I could be like, I have no defense for this.

I have no way to attack this song and to knock it down.

Right.

And I just have to then just be like.

Must be my third song.

Right.

Well, this one.

Like, forgot about Dre.

I don't.

This one I didn't get.

All right.

Let him do his Wikipedia entry.

This was not.

This is just the lyrics.

These are just the lyrics to it.

It was on Dre's 2001 album.

Sure.

You're a Dre fan?

Sure.

Eminem fan?

Yeah.

How about you, Tim?

A certain extent.

It's just a song that comes up on a playlist a lot.

That, like, you know, if I run a playlist for Spotify or whatever, it comes up a lot on the, like, Easy E or NWA or Cypress Hill.

because that's you know let's face it there's a good beat to a lot of that music sure and what's what is a good beat uh yeah what is it foster kind of it feels it's the same beat though it's like the song but i see i don't have a problem with that i mean like you'd like to have like vermetric you don't want variety i like variety but if you're you know if you're vermetic at a beat you want a beat going don't you you don't want to be all careful

yeah something if you're a musician freestyle jazz and shit

if one of your songs was that yes but but all your songs have the same beat.

They do not.

As a musician, can you please tell him?

I'm not a musician, but no.

If you're angry, then how can you say it's not?

He is a musician.

He's being

shitty.

I mean, he's being too high to play anything.

What do you mean, you don't play anything?

But you write the music, too, don't you?

I thought you played

Tom-Toms or something.

Don't you play drums?

Matthew McConaughey, hey, remember that?

Yeah.

But like, see, I don't get like the whole fucking skit thing in the middle.

I mean, that, like.

Whatever album, I mean, whatever song I'm listening to does not have the skit in the middle.

Well, that was the

representation.

That was the link you said.

Oh, is that the link I sent?

Okay.

It was like it's in there, and he's being interviewed by this, like, reporter.

And, like,

fire to a woman's house, and I was like,

and I was like, unless they're role-playing, I don't see what the fuck is that?

I'm the interviewer.

I thought it was like, well, you're trying to make time with your lady, and all you hear is this fucking dude talking about himself the whole time.

And then his friends come in and talk about themselves i'm like i don't i gotta say though i don't i don't really listen to the lyrics that much yeah for me it's but you had to have listened to the song before oh yeah yeah of course so you were aware of the lyrics yeah i'm aware of the lyrics but this is one of those songs that like it comes up and i i i just enjoy it i like it whatever it does for me it does you know

i don't know how to

it's fine i the the and the the whatever the skit is in the middle that's i i sent the wrong link because the song that we listen to does not have and i like the last part at the end where it goes into that hitman part.

I thought music on that was really good, but then he flushes a toilet and kind of takes you out of it.

Well, that's, you know.

Yeah.

I view women basically as toilets waiting to receive my fluids.

You know?

See, I have for this one.

You don't?

No.

Is that common?

I have here no amount of tough guy posturing rap lyrics can change the fact that it's a sad attempt and desperate attempt to remain relevant.

Who drank?

Or me?

Oh, I'm trying to remain relevant.

I just need to be clear on it.

I wasn't aware I was ever relevant.

Thank you.

I mean, it's a 20-year-old song, so I don't know how relevant.

Yeah, but I imagine in his head he thinks this song still resonates with me.

Yeah, I crank it when I'm going down Broad Street.

I'm like, hey, guys, right?

Sakashi 6ix9ine?

Oh, I'm

the last thing I'll claim is to be musically relevant.

I mean, do you play anything for your wife that's from this century, or is it all is it all stuff from before she was born?

I mean, she's not even from the same century that I'm from.

Maybe, yeah.

She might as well at least written at 40.

My pizza big.

No, she listens to what I tell her to listen to.

Yeah,

points off.

No.

Is that a rule here?

No, it should be.

I thought we were joking.

I thought we were being playful.

I was about to put on some shadow dancing.

Yeah, it just simply comes down to, like I said, it's the energy of the first one.

Sure.

Because I had to pick three songs.

Right.

And then it brings it back down to this one and then kicks it in again.

Is there a lack of self-awareness, though, that, like, I mean, him and his wife are the palest people on the planet, though, and are getting busy to rap?

I I mean, it's like.

I think it's for everyone, though.

Right?

I don't know.

I didn't know I had to listen to white person music.

Hold on, let me re-choose.

Oh, Kenny G, I meant.

Oh, I don't know.

You're a cultural appropriator.

We're not throwing up gang signs as we're fucking.

Does he lose post?

That's a cultural appropriation.

I mean, I listen to rap, so I don't fight.

I don't want to accuse him that I'm.

Yeah, you're a whiteie, too.

Rap's for everyone.

Extremely, yeah.

I mean, I think, if nothing else, since the early to mid-90s, rap has proven that it has a very broad reach.

Oh, yeah, Wu-Tangs, too, that's the children.

If you guys got white sheets on your bed, you guys look like two chameleons going at it.

Well,

we pull them off the bed and put them over ourselves.

They're going to turn this rap shit off.

Two chameleons.

Well, yeah.

Role play is chameleons sometimes.

Yeah, I just like the song.

I like the way it slows down the energy a little bit and then try to bring it home with my next remix,

which is a song, might be my favorite Rob Zombie song, which is the Blur the Technicolor remix, which was originally released on Astro Creep 2000.

And it also, another thing, This Is the End of Your Rotten Life, you motherfucking dope pusher, and you're going to get it from the 1973 black exploitation movie Coffee.

You've seen it?

Yes.

Good one.

Yeah, it is a good one.

Good one.

I have I like Rob Zombie.

Hold on, let me say it again.

I like Rob Zombie, but I love White Zombie.

And this is a white zombie song.

Originally White Zombie song.

So this was tough for me to go after because I do like this song, but

you chose the remix, which again,

I just like the

remix.

It just feels hollow and it just feels plastic.

And it doesn't allow.

Have you been reading my diary?

It doesn't allow

crescendos or different levels of heights.

It's just that same kind of like

emotionalist beat that just pounds throughout the whole song.

And it's a theme in all three of his songs.

That there is no diverse kind of song.

He likes hard fucking.

Yeah, I like to go for it.

I do too.

Like, I would

heavy action, but I also know that it can't always be that, though.

Grab the pigskin.

We're about to have sex.

Yeah, I really like when this song comes on.

If I have my metal mix on.

And I disagree.

I don't think it maintains the same beat the whole time.

And you don't hate remixes?

I love them.

In case you can't tell.

What if he remixed it himself?

Rob Tom would remix it himself, yeah.

I mean, it was just a cash grab when he did.

He would release albums of remixed songs, though.

It was on, what, Super Swing

Sounds, something like that.

He released a couple albums of all remixes, though.

Not one remix was superior to the original song, in my opinion.

Right.

Good thing I'm like, I felt like it was just like...

Oh, yeah, you'd have a hard time getting me to even fucking unbutton a top button.

Don't be so prude, Walk.

Come on.

I don't know.

It's hard to argue with that one for me, too, because...

You have a hard time ever arguing against Brian Johnson, I found

each other.

I know that it's true, which is very admirable thing.

I don't argue with you that much.

You came down pretty harsh on my choices here today.

Called me a liar.

No, I never called you a liar.

You said that you don't believe that I ever played that song in the bedroom, heavy action.

I may have thought you were joking.

That's different than saying you were a liar.

Yeah, that's like a huge,

that's kind of a reach.

Yeah.

I said bullshit.

That's not the same as saying you're a fucking liar.

Well, I mean, it's just a shit.

You gotta say liar.

You can say bullshit.

You know what, though?

But you know what?

In this arena, that is, you have to go for the juggular.

I respect a woman.

He's all over the map, isn't he?

How could you fucking say that to me?

Say worse things to me.

So if I could say to Brian, like, he shouldn't be playing music that hard because he'll fuck hard to have a heart attack.

Maybe it's not good for him.

That would be okay.

Well, I mean, but again, you're just softening.

You're just trying to find a reason to still, like, be positive with him.

Fuck him.

You choose fans.

Let him fucking wallow.

It is shit.

It is shit choices.

Yeah, if this is shit choices, I guess.

So far, Tim hasn't hated them.

I don't know if that's not.

But it's not for him to do it.

This is the Dre.

The Dre didn't do it for you.

Okay.

That was the one I was out on, too.

And that was me because that was

the version you sent me.

Right.

I mean, I didn't listen to it.

If I pull that skit out, it brings it together a little bit.

A little bit.

Yeah, it just, it was fucking like.

But it's still basically a guy talking

to a skit?

You're like bragging about shit.

Well, that's fucking rap.

Well, I know that, but still, like, there's other, like, it's not as

like if you put on like a jizza song or something like that, it's more musical and it's just kind of liquid swords on and shit like that.

Yeah, you can go to pull off that record.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, so this is.

Are you taking notes?

Liquid Swords.

Cross the Liquid Swords.

Liquid Swords is one of the best albums.

Yeah, it's fucking awesome.

I'm going to put it on tonight.

You'll notice that.

I'm going to call up and I'll put you on speaker.

Yeah.

FaceTime, bro.

Oh, yeah, it's even better.

You get to see that fucking back with all kinds of fucking.

It's healing up nice.

Like this disembodied voice.

Yeah, healing up nice.

She needs a a little bit more cream on her shoulders.

But I think you're at disadvantage because it's not in your nature to

go after Bry and to

you are very, very reluctant to criticize Brian.

Maybe there's some potico.

And that's not a bad thing.

That's a very admirable.

Well, I don't, you either.

I don't, aside from the fact that I said bullshit here, you don't catch me.

But you didn't like that song, though.

I could tell that you were.

I don't like Dre either, though.

The ephra for this.

All right.

If you had to pick one, so you're probably not

built to win this in this arena.

Oh, I feel given the rules that you guys put down, but you don't like to, but you don't like to condemn, though.

You don't like to

like to.

What I want to do is represent my songs and then defend them to you guys.

I can do that.

I'm fine with that.

Okay.

It did sound.

Like I said, it just felt like you went real soft on Bry, which is, again,

because my pics are solid.

What do you want?

I mean, he was tough on the Dre song.

He was, yeah.

Okay.

As well, he should have been.

I wasn't aware there was a skit in the middle.

I hate those fucking skits.

They constantly put them at the beginnings of songs.

Like, if I get a CD or something.

This is where you lose me, man.

I take them out.

I fucking wish the skits were.

I wish more rap would put more skits in them, man.

Those Eminem skits in the skits.

I'm not talking Woolf.

I'm talking Eminem with the like, I shot somebody again.

That bullshit.

Can I get an explanation for me as well as some listeners that may not be familiar with the phrase skit?

What's a skit?

A skit is

like

in between songs, like on 36, specifically this one rap album.

They do skits.

They act out little things.

Like an SNL skit?

No, no, not like they'll be one will run in and be like, oh, you hear what happened?

He got shot down there.

And they'll be like, what do you mean he got shot, motherfucker?

And then they'll talk about that.

And then beats will start playing, and then it'll go into the song.

You want to play one of the greatest skits of all time?

Liquid Swords has that

Lone Wolf and Cub at the beginning of the album.

It felt great.

Fucking up.

You mean from the movie?

The Shogun Assassin thing?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, introducing it.

You have some knowledge on us.

Yeah, this is great.

Uh-oh.

They're getting a little bit too cozy over here.

I don't like the way that fucking just moved.

I don't see Liquid Swords on here.

No, Liquid Swords is in here.

I really hope

there isn't a fucking bias here or any.

Well,

say the songs just because we like liquid swords, everybody likes liquid swords.

If you hear it, you never heard it.

Well, then you should hear it, then you like it.

Yeah, yeah,

okay,

fair enough.

Walt used to not travel when we were in comic book men.

Walt would travel in a totally separate car because he was so afraid that, like, when me and Ming were in the same car, we'd play rap.

So he wouldn't drive with us anywhere we went.

They would play it like on, like, so, like, annoyingly loud, though.

Turn that skin up, Ming!

Yeah, it's just not my cup of tea.

Do you like any like

PD Anthrax?

Oh, yeah, I like that.

But I also like that song by

It's Tricky.

I like that song, too.

Okay, a little run DMC.

I love that song.

It's a great song.

Great song.

It's a great song.

I like also the Big Booty song, too.

Which one's that?

I like Baby Got Back.

Oh, okay, Baby Got Back.

Do you like any Beastie Boy songs?

No, I tried to listen to them, too.

Especially when they were getting all that praise and everything, but it just sounds like that whining, like,

that's what those are the songs you shouldn't listen to, the praised songs.

Like, those are the ones that we're talking about.

You gotta fight for the right to party.

It's like, that's like the equivalent, it's the rock and roll all-night equivalent.

Dude, I fucking still maintain that philosophy.

It's trying to take it away.

Oh, my God.

They were like 190, that song.

Well, Silver Chair was fucking right.

My favorite thing at 19.

They weren't fighting for rights.

Who do you think is more popular?

DC Boys and Silver Chair?

I mean, is it all about popularity, poser?

Wow.

Second time.

I mean, when you're comparing Silver Chair versus the 19-year-old versus 19-year-old, I think you got to go with longevity and popularity.

All right.

Can we end angry to this?

I want to win.

You're not going to do it by making yourself thoroughly unlikable.

So

is that it for my songs?

Anyone have any more comments?

Right.

It's supposed to be like the debates at at school remember at school when you have like a debating team yes i i wasn't aware i wasn't aware we were supposed to go hard on it i also

and i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna stick with my i'm gonna rep my songs but

there would have been a different selection had i known that that this was what was going on but i could still work with what i got before you give us your selection q i really want to talk to you about uh

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Yeah, it's because of the vitamins.

I believe it.

Really?

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He is walking normally.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He hasn't gotten to the point where he's wearing shoes in the store yet.

His fingernails are so fucking strong, he can't even cut them now.

Really?

Yeah.

Why are you allowing that?

Isn't that dangerous?

What can I do?

Does he not wear shoes?

No, no, I have fingernails.

No, but you would say that he doesn't.

He wears slippers.

He wears slippers or socks around the.

Really?

Yeah, he was wearing like Mike insisted that he not go barefoot.

He has because he has like you know, he has

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Yeah, clubbed feet.

See, he didn't use that in one is argument too.

You could have thrown

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I do.

How'd you like them?

They were fine.

Oh, they were delicious.

The vanilla one?

Yeah.

Yeah, that was great.

I actually started making shit.

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Dude, I do the exact same thing, except I drop a banana in there.

It's fucking good.

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All right, everybody.

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You got all the other points.

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I took it five minutes.

Yeah, it took way less than five minutes.

Oh, you got a regimen of vitamins, too?

I took it.

Yeah, I took it.

Yeah, protein powders.

How you

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Feel good.

Feel better?

Yeah.

That protein stuff's great.

That's why I take that.

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Do you take fish oil?

I take the fish oil pills.

Yeah.

There's actually two different fish oil pills in my thing, I think.

And you don't end end up smelling like fish, huh?

That's good.

Because a lot of people, they'll take so much fish oil that they start smelling like fish and shit.

No, that happens with me with garlic.

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All right, there we go.

When you were looking at these, did you think of your own personal three?

Like, did that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What did you come up with?

Well, I mean, you know, it was

mezzanine by

something like old soul music, like Martin Gaye and stuff like that.

Oh, so you were sort of, you were a little biased then.

Because you lean towards that older R ⁇ D type stuff.

I like that stuff.

Yeah, I mean, it seems, you know.

Old Motown.

Yeah.

Old Motown stuff's great.

Little Michael Jackson.

Reminds you of the kids.

No.

No.

Now, I feel that, well, after I got Q's list, which we're going to get into,

feel I erred big time in choosing this playlist because I chose this playlist theme.

You did.

Yeah, because I should have fucking remembered that I'm dealing with a fucking modern-day Valentino.

And this motherfucker knows his business, and I was like, ooh.

Did you listen to the songs?

Remember how earlier he called you a liar and you got upset?

No, I listened to the songs.

This was before.

Even when you sent me the songs, I was like, oh, shit.

I didn't even think about that.

Like, he's probably, he's probably going to pick good songs.

Well, I only picked songs.

I know we all did.

But I've only picked songs that I have.

Gotten action to over the I know we all did, but like that was that was my guiding principle except for the one which was from TelemC Dave.

But I did technically get on with that song, which is why I'm still able to defend it.

Awesome.

But I'm just saying that, yeah, I probably should have picked...

If I wanted to win, I probably should have picked it up.

Oh, you're giving up already?

No, no, no.

I'm not giving up already.

I

probably shouldn't have put this up against Q.

The one time Q comes on, I shouldn't have picked this playlist theme.

Think about it, though, man.

It's been something, like, how long has COVID been around?

He can't get busy with COVID.

Even the most stalwart IJ fan isn't going to bang him.

That's not true.

That's not true.

No, he can't do it.

I'm telling you.

Yeah, he bangs crackhead whores.

They don't care about COVID.

He's giving me a place to sleep.

He's an animal.

That's true.

He's a free break.

He does a lot of deep dicking, I got to tell you.

We're in big trouble.

All right,

begin with number three.

Well, also, I didn't put them in a particular order when I sent them to you.

Okay.

So I'm just going to start with Blazer Glory.

Gotcha.

Let's move on to the next one.

You can't go on.

Blaze of Glory.

Now, I will say this.

Fever by Elvis was on the list before we got knocked off for this.

Objection cannot bring into a list.

He can read a Wikipedia fucking page without bringing on

extra songs.

But you can actually.

Or would have put on.

But he can actually come up with an explanation of why he chose this song.

And it played story.

So I think it has to be stricken.

You cannot use it.

But it just seems like, well, maybe I would give him less points because because he went with the song.

Right.

Maybe I goofed up.

He's already on Q's side.

Like, Q's magnetism has already won him over.

That's true.

Has to go to other starry eyes.

I feel heels on this one, I think.

Well, I mean,

fans are going to let it go.

No, no, no.

Wait a second.

Don't impugn the judge.

I'm going to bring Andy over here in a second.

This is some fucking Chicago-era type fucking intimidation.

See, like, I think Elvis would have been a better choice.

It would have been a better choice.

I know you do.

That's why I'm fucking objecting because I just saw your face.

You're like an open book.

But he didn't fucking

swim.

But he didn't pick it.

It's not on the

sway you.

It's going to have prejudice.

What?

Did he pick the shit in your side?

How's that going to fucking sway me?

I think you're right.

Subconsciously, you're muddying.

You're taking the Bon Jovi song and softening that a hair.

But I also like this song.

If you didn't need to soften it, you would have fucking left the Elvis you know what strike the Elvis

I okay see I think it works worse

you gotta strike it from the record okay now he's he's instead of negative one he's plus one right so okay great well played Walt you should be dead even right not plus one oh yeah I was gonna say you only said two things I've got to be plus one well because sportsmanship yeah oh my god

so all right so Blazer zero he's at zero okay to tell you where that came from okay was was when I was in high school, I finger-banged a girl to Blaze of Glory.

I told the story on Telemachine Dave, and it became kind of

one of the part of Telemachine Dave lore.

So we've been doing this podcast for 10 years.

Over the 10 years, there have been girls who have made requests

to get a little Blaze of Glory going on.

Or it imitates life.

So now to me,

now, whatever you may think of Bonjovi, I happen to like his music.

You know what I mean?

I think he's an idol.

But to me, it's just like, I know if Blazor Glory's playing,

something's happening.

Something's happening.

Look at it.

I've been saying Blazor Glory, and it's starting to go.

It's starting to go a little bit.

Oh, look, now.

Oh, now look at that.

Whoa, three in the pink?

That's right.

Oh, my God.

That's right.

That's right.

That's usually only two.

That's what Blaze of Glory does.

So, yeah, sure.

To the average person, I wouldn't suggest putting on Blazor Glory to get the mood going.

So you're saying it's audio lubricant.

It's audio.

Thank you.

Wow.

See?

While you were making his help in his case.

Just remember who said it.

But you were supporting me.

But you don't think fucking all mine weren't either?

Of course they were.

I mean, look, I didn't say that.

But you didn't say that.

If you wouldn't say that.

I just thought of it.

I told her.

Get a tour of us.

I tore, right?

We played the O2 Arena in London, right?

And I walked out the side, and there was like, as normal, a crowd of people there, and there was a girl holding up a sign that said Blaze of Glory in it.

And I just knew to have my tour manager point in there.

Want to see the backstage?

Turn it on a little bit, Blaze of Glory.

Boom.

So for me.

No, but it could happen.

But it could happen.

And versions of that have happened over the years where Blaze of Glory, just because of the connection to the TV show, has gotten my hand in the cookie jaw, let's say.

Now, Tim, let me ask you this.

You don't have any kids, right?

No.

Okay, you have a.

Neither do I.

Neither discourage.

You have a daughter who is so,

who hates herself so much that she sees a celebrity and is like, I'll let him finger me just because he's a celebrity and this Blaze of Glory song is playing.

Joe Average is never going to get that chance.

The guy's a lead singer in a fucking band.

You're going to sell him on this shit?

That's true.

I forgot this.

I forgot that this is.

This is Red Bank's answer to Bon Jovi.

Yeah, I'm sure, though, at the Brighton, though, like, there's, you know, there's one or two.

How much, how much, before you got married, how much road tale did you get?

You must have gotten some when touring with Dave.

Bullshit, don't tell me.

Not really.

Because you're too quiet.

You're too quiet of a guy.

Too reserved.

Yeah, but you know, gentlemen?

There's fucking these skanks on the road.

You're going to be a gentleman.

So if you had a song that when you played it, just a certain subset of girls were guaranteed to be like, hey, why don't we react that out?

Wouldn't you consider that a good song?

Sure.

It's the same argument that you wrote supporting Brian.

Well, yes, except he's just talking about his wife.

I'm talking about the population at large.

Yeah, the world.

I just feel like that's a good net.

Maybe I am more emotionally connected because he'll just go out and finger anybody.

Me, I'm at home just fingering my wife.

To skits, no less.

So that's where Blaze of Glory came from.

Blaze of Glory is a rough one.

I don't even know what to say about it.

Take it on its own merits.

I have to admit, take it on its own merits, the song is

got a good explanation to it.

Do you like any Bon Jovi songs?

Oh, yeah.

Do you?

Yeah, I do like some Bon Joe songs.

I don't know if I can point at one Bon Jovi song that I like.

Yeah, I'm not a Bon Jovi fan.

I think it has a catchy beat to it.

Bad Medicine, that song.

I like In and Out of Love.

All the stuff off Slippery When Wet.

In and Out of Love was before Slippery.

I don't think there's anything in Slippery and Wet I like.

But anyway, I felt that, and I kind of called it, I knew it.

I feel that this song is an effort to make a bad callback joke.

After he explains all that.

We're all like, yeah, yeah.

There was a girl in the third row.

This is a true story.

Of a show that had Blaze of Glory on it.

She was wearing a Blaze of Glory t-shirt.

That's amazing.

And her, I did hook up with.

Okay, so I'm wrong on this aspect, though.

I said, I'm not convinced this is actually on a BQ playlist to get busy to.

I thought it was exploited.

But I wouldn't go as far as to say bullshit.

I just felt like my gut was saying that, but obviously I was wrong, though.

I don't know if this is even a good Bon Jovi song.

It's kind of long.

I disagree with you.

It kind of plods.

It's kind of pretentious.

And it's about a guy who is

about to die, and he knows it.

Well, he never drew first, but he drew first blood.

Yeah, I'm not sure that this would be.

I think it's just the circumstances that this song was playing in the background when you were a youngster.

Yeah.

And it could have been any song, but it was this song, and so it has a personal connection to you.

Sure.

But could it have easily been like pour some sugar on me?

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

It could have been any one of those

band songs.

And I feel that it's the weakest

of his three songs.

I would not disagree with you.

I agree with you.

Can we make it unanimous?

Yeah, unanimous.

But it's probably, ironically, the song that has most been in the background while I've gotten busy in some form or another.

off the list.

Now, is it happenstance that it comes on, or do you deliberately at times?

First time put it in the middle of happenstance yeah at this point it is have you met as deliberate as dream

have you churchill's assaults weren't as deliberate as me playing that song at the right time

have you met bon jovi i have have you told him your finger banging exploits no now do you do you only stick to the fingers when this is on you like no no no okay

i thought this is like some sort of unwritten rule you're like i don't want to i don't want to like

sully this song

too far It's too special and unique for me.

So much do I represent this song that in the Impractical Jokers movie,

the first quarter of the movie, when we're in high school, I'm wearing

the official Bon Jovi Blizzy Glory shirt.

Because that's where the magic's first time.

How do you argue with this shit?

Well, I mean, I mean,

but is it a purveyor's argument, though?

Or is it just a celebrity who's like, fucking wants to fucking tell you how much he's fucking gotten pooned?

Well, that kind of like we don't already know.

Yeah, I mean, it kind of does the job.

That's what everybody in the 80s was all about, no?

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Moving on.

You came along at a better time, I think.

I feel like as time has gone on, girls have gotten less priggish.

Like, if you remember when we were in school in the 80s, it was like they were wearing fucking polo shirts and everybody was a fucking prude and shit, you know?

Like, now they're wild.

It was rap music.

Yeah, it was rap music.

Rap music and the internet.

It was the era of AIDS.

We couldn't be wild.

Oh, who are we getting wild with?

What the fuck?

Who are you getting wild with, bro?

AIDS.

Let's move on.

You guys have cockrock and fucking, and like, and like, you know, hairman.

Cockrock and hairman.

But hairman.

That was girls showing their tents and shows.

Not to us.

But then in our school, they were.

Yeah, when you watched the fucking Motley Crew video and you saw them in the mornings.

Yeah, they didn't look like that in the high school, no, no.

Like our song was like, girls, girls, girls, like, you don't even know.

Girls, girls, is that a girl?

Yeah, exactly.

Exactly.

Yeah, but in my

high school and just after, it was when rap was really loosening moral standards around and the internet, I think.

And that's why I don't listen to rap.

Yeah.

The moral standard issue.

There you go.

It always comes back to that.

Okay, so then my second one, oh, was Little Black Submarine.

Do you guys listen to the song?

I listened to it.

First time I ever listened to it, it was today.

Would you?

I felt it was a sad song.

It kind of made me feel a little melancholy.

I feel that, but which I will say this: there is a time for a sad song to be playing in the bedroom, but I feel that's for solo displays of affection.

Like jerking off the funeral for a friend.

Wow, what'd you think?

I don't know.

It's hard to argue with it because I liked it.

This is why I liked it.

Again, it's the first time I ever heard it.

I say it's got heart.

I can't deny it.

But it's a bit depressing for me,

especially to be in your top three.

In slots 8 through 10, sure.

But slots one through three, I don't think so.

How about six or seven?

Let me explain to you why I feel it was in the top three for this.

Because, one, I kind of didn't care about the words too much because I figure it's not something I'm going to be focusing on when the magic's going down.

To me, the beginning is a nice, it's got a good beat.

It's still clearly a slower rock and roll song, but it's still a rock song.

The words are there if you want to listen, if not.

And then, as the situation gets hotter, and then that fucking drum kicks in, and the guy goes, Yeah!

And then for the next minute and a half of the song, it's fucking rocking out like crazy.

And that's how I like to make love.

You start a little slow, you get them warmed up a little bit, and then at one point you're like, yeah, and then you just fucking start going crazy and it builds up to a big finale.

Hey, you're done.

You didn't think it was distractingly loud?

I like that shit.

Okay.

Yeah, no, I didn't.

I didn't.

I did.

Well,

the song is only three minutes and 32 seconds long.

I refuse to believe that a BQ gets the job done inside of three and a half minutes.

No, no, no, but this bus is pulling out, you know, and it's back to the next town.

Tired from doing the O2 today.

No, but.

His fingers are in his sling.

He's running to the bus.

Going his way.

But you're not playing just that song.

Like, it has to, it's a playlist.

It's on a playlist, so it's timed at that moment where you need the rocket to take off.

And I'm surprised you don't like loud music.

Oh, I like time.

Yeah, I like it.

It's just it just seemed a little jarringly loud.

The word I used was animalistic and tribal.

Not fair enough.

And to me, I was like, there you go.

Like, that's when you start tearing ass.

Tearing it up.

Yeah, you gotta stop.

But not everything has to be.

This is gonna be a surprise, but not every girl is looking for romance.

Some just want to assume that.

Let me ask you something.

Do you find most are not looking for romance?

I think I've met one girl in my life that was looking for romance and sex, and honestly, she was pretty boring in the sack.

Yeah, I think the

typical, like the stereotypical view of women and sex is way, way, way off.

I agree.

I think they don't want romance, they want to get treated like shit, right, Tim?

You can't vote for these guys, you can't do it in your heart.

You know, it's wrong.

They're wrong.

Girls like the

women like the

reputation.

The energy.

Tim, I'll tell you off of Mike what girls like.

Okay.

I'm going to school you.

Listen to me.

I've had some great vanilla sex in my life.

Straight up missionary position, phenomenal.

No problem with it.

But, you know, sometimes you need that drum beat to fucking kick in.

Tribal baby.

They just start going to town.

I think everybody appreciates it.

That's why, and again, all these songs are songs that I've had that experience with, which is why I went in the way with Little Life Submarine.

But alright.

And then Glory Box, to me, is undeniable.

That is the number one fucking song I've ever had in my entire life.

Now, is this a song that you've, have you ever heard anybody else ever used, say this song is one of these kind of get busy songs?

No, but I've heard Porter's Head and that whole album is a really good album to fuck to.

The whole album is kind of, I think it's slow.

I think it's sexy.

I think it just creates a mood where it's just like, it's not, it's not when the drum kicks in and you start going to town it's more of that like kind of hey man maybe we took a hit of weed maybe everybody's relaxed a little bit the music's pumping a little bit you're just going you spend a little extra time up here medication's taking effect yeah you know what i mean and like all you hear is that sexy fucking portazed music going in the background and it makes you feel like all right let's do this another band i had not heard of no obviously you have you you must have like anything we throw out there you've heard of for the most part yeah you like portisan yeah i mean i think that i think their first album is up there with any it's pretty great it's awesome here what i hear what i oh please

um sometimes when a purveyor comes across another purveyor all he can and should do is acknowledge that a purveyor

acknowledge that purveyor with a respectful tip of the hat never heard of this song or band but i was so impressed i went and purchased this song and put it on my playlist i haven't used it yet wow obviously i just did it today but um it's uh

a lot of fun.

Wow.

He tips his hat out of respect and is like, good on you for introducing me to something.

Oh, shit, man.

Thank you.

See,

it's not always about just attack, attack, attack.

No.

Trying to impress

for not attack, attack, attack.

Because I saw the way he did it, though.

It was kind of like Limpristing, though.

Like it was the 80s.

He's still trying to coddle and not like Brian about his choices and still trying to like make some sort of half-assed like

attempt at like disparaging his songs.

It didn't even go that way.

There was no limp-wristed actions on my part.

I was just like, hey, from one purveyor to another, you know, fist bump.

Are you a purveyor, though?

Before I fucking won the title many times, I think I got the most purveyor titles out of anybody at this table.

Well,

I like that he's already said he considers me a purveyor.

Maybe, maybe not,

maybe not one with a title, but one with a shot at a title.

One day.

I got you.

Could be today.

I don't think it's going to be today.

I got to say, though, like, Q, ever since I've known him, has had a very eclectic and wide appreciation of music.

Like, when I go over to his place and he puts on a playlist, like, there are so many songs I don't know.

Are any of these songs on that playlist?

Because if they are,

I would probably...

You're going to have to start running for it.

Hit the hip and round running.

Or pull the shades.

What do you really got to go for?

Those shadows I see on the wall.

But like, we've gone on many road trips together, and he'll put he'll always put the playlist together.

Really?

Yeah.

I like doing that shit.

But I'm telling you, that whole album is that and better.

So, yeah, the song is really good.

Yeah, I was really impressed with it.

I really liked it.

And yeah, it was a very, very fine choice.

Yeah, thanks, brother.

The first time you heard it?

First time I heard it, and I liked it as well.

I'm like, what am I going to say now?

You know?

I didn't buy it.

But I did download it illegally.

Oh,

and as a record tour clerk, that is your fucking kryptonite, man.

You can't have anybody saying they illegally download shit in front of you.

I don't give a shit.

It's fighting words, man.

It's a hit with a chair.

So that is it.

Yeah.

Brian, you have, you've gone right.

There's nothing you can say to poke holes in this last song, right?

No, not really.

Me neither.

And it's almost because the song isn't crappy and I wasn't familiar with it.

Like, if I'd been like, if I'd heard it a hundred times,

it's just so much easier to tear it apart.

But, like, hearing it for the first time and being like, oh, because I don't normally don't like new music.

It's very difficult.

Where'd you get exposed to it?

I mean, that album's 25 years old.

Yeah.

I mean, it was played around a lot.

What kind of radio station was it?

I stole it from a friend's house, actually.

I didn't steal it.

I told him I was taking it and never gave it back.

What kind of music was it?

Alternative?

I guess.

I mean, I just.

Would have been played on like alternative stations in the 90s?

Yeah, I mean, you would have heard it on like HTG.

What's that?

The local alternative radio station to do HTG?

No, I don't think I ever heard them.

Oh, really?

They were like in the 90s?

Around here?

106.3.

Oh, okay.

Yes.

Okay.

I know you're talking about it.

I've never heard them on the radio.

I've never heard Porter said on the radio.

I mean, I've heard other songs.

I haven't heard this song on the radio.

Well, it is time for the record store clerk to.

Okay.

I was taking notes on this.

It's odd that the record store clerk doesn't sequester himself like a jury for a while, you know.

And talk to myself, man.

That works.

You know, I found each person had one really great song in there.

The Johnny Pierce song was just,

I kind of liked it.

It was,

I mean, I would never use it myself, but it was, I dig that.

That was a gamble.

You really can't

do that one.

But, like, I mean, I was just going to.

I appreciate the explanation of the others.

You know, the Dina Washington, Dinah Washington was great, which was a I Am Your Baby.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The Dr.

Dre completely lost.

I felt like I lost you on that one.

You know, the white zombie was solid.

It, you know, had a good driving beat.

It was just kind of what you did.

You can just imagine me jackhammering that poom, right?

Yeah.

Fuck so.

I can imagine somebody imagining that.

I shouldn't have actually imagined it.

I maintain this episode because of the subject matter, will become the most downloaded episode in Telme C Dave history because of your recounting of this kind of like your

antics.

Wow.

This is going to make a lot of fucking people happy.

Fuck that.

I'm cutting all that shit out.

I think

this one has potential to be like, you know,

to be on someone's playlist.

A lot of ladies, I think,

a lot of ladies

are going to excuse themselves and listen to Blaze of Glory, and a lot of guys are going to download it, I bet.

Oh,

yeah, so that they can get action.

Oh,

it ain't going to work for them.

Oh, because they're not Q.

Yeah,

fuck.

Don't even try it, dummies.

And an ant meetup, it might.

That's true.

You know, if we're ever allowed to have the meeting.

Look, there's only so much cue to go around.

Girls, you're going to have to accept that

you're not going to all get them.

An Ursat's cue.

What's that?

An Ursat's cue.

Like a fake cue.

They would take some cue.

Oh, okay.

What's the reference, Ursats?

Well, you would be like, okay, they couldn't get Q, but then somebody would be like, I'm kind of like Q.

Well, you do have somebody that dresses like you.

Yeah, that guy.

He seems stable, too.

You could franchise your name out.

Yeah,

I think that

if we just started having those four-colored demon meetups again and stuff like that, somebody could just come in and start playing it.

Somebody will come along.

Tons of girls will be getting fingered.

They want to have fun.

That's all they want, especially now.

It's not like there's anything wrong with getting fingered.

Like, girls want to get fingered.

There's other things.

And guys want to do it.

And other girls want to do it.

If you go to an ant meetup and you fuck a play and blaze a girl, there's nothing wrong with being like, hey, I'll take you up on that.

We're living in a post-COVID world, though.

Who cares, man?

Sanitize your hands and get the fingering.

You don't need to use your mouth and blaze the glory, man.

That's a t-shirt right there.

That's right.

You know, wasn't key.

I mean, I dig the story, the Bon Jovi story.

Yeah.

Black Keys, you know, I mean, I get it from the explanation.

I toured for a really long time, so I totally get like

that work.

Yeah, I mean, that was kind of loud music a lot, you know, when shit was going down a bus.

But The Porter's Head was, I think, the best song out of everything on here.

I got to give it to Brian.

Better than Forgot About Dre.

Even better than Forgot About Drake.

So

one great song can

be three good songs?

Well, one great song, the Black Keys was a really good song.

Oh, okay.

I wasn't sure because you really sounded tongue-tied there, and you really didn't make a good point.

There you go.

You started stammering.

I couldn't tell if you liked it or disliked it.

I did like it, yeah.

As I see his hand take 100 from you under the table,

I uh I, you know, I um

I thought your stuff should have been, I mean, I understand the personal connection to it.

So you're telling me the Silver Chair song doesn't do anything for you?

No.

Why, though?

Because it's just like, it's like a

love song.

It doesn't seem like it doesn't.

It is a love song.

I know, but it's the only love song I think that was fucking presented here tonight.

But it doesn't seem like a fucking song.

It just seems like a love song.

I'm sitting at a table of men.

But like.

But these songs,

that's why I have a lot of people.

Sometimes you would have,

I was asking if it was like mood music or like fucking music and you said fucking music and like i never said that i would walk with you

okay i said never i say that with that

i said the

i said the act i said probably in the act i think well you didn't say probably well definitely i said i believe you said the act yeah

the act okay so a gentleman

i say fucking you say the act i apologize no no you didn't even say you just you said

i don't know it doesn't matter i thought you i thought you were gonna i thought you were gonna get i do think glory box is the best song but but the only song presented to the table that's a love song.

Right.

I fail to see how I could lose.

It's the only song that was about love.

Nobody gives a shit about love.

It'sn't about love.

You said it was about banging.

I didn't realize the words dead inside as these two.

Damn straight.

Yeah, I've been dead inside for years.

You got used to it after a while.

Yeah.

I don't even notice it anymore.

It's just a warm cocoon.

It's home.

I thought I had it locked up.

But it wasn't when I saw the choice.

There were no love songs.

But you weren't talking about, like,

that's why I asked.

It was like, are you set in a mood?

Or is this actually like when you're having sex and you were like having sex?

Can't believe I showed you that picture of Mary Beth for no reason.

So that's back.

That's why.

I mean,

if you were picking like set in a mood,

I had three

distinctively different types of songs because there's more than one way.

I can't take it.

Oh, it's every time we do one way.

Every time.

I understand.

It's ridiculous, though, that I would lose bringing a love song, the only love song to the table.

It's absolutely ridiculous.

Well, if you picked love songs, if the subject was love songs, which you didn't.

Whoa, he's got you there.

You have to understand something about Walt.

He's so competitive that one time I was playing Bejeweled, and he's like, my wife would kill you in that.

And I'm like, all right.

She's so good.

But by the way, I would argue that Glory Box is a love song, by the way.

You know what?

Since I had only heard it that one time, and I was more impressed with the tones of it.

I wasn't listening to the lyrics as much as I was taken by the

structure of the song.

I just feel like it is.

Is Glory Box a metaphor for a muff?

Poo Ducks.

Not really.

I mean, maybe.

You know, because we know shadow dancing was a metaphor for something.

Yes.

Fucking making love.

I mean, that was what this theme was about.

I didn't fucking was making love either.

Like, making love doesn't enter my vernacular.

It sounds so corny.

It really does.

I want to make love to you.

Ugh.

Gross.

I'll read you these lyrics.

Why would you want to do that?

These are lyrics.

I'm so tired of playing, playing with this bow and arrow, going to give my heart away, leave it to the other girls to play.

For I've been a temptress too long.

Give me a reason to love you.

Give me a reason to be a woman.

I just want to be a woman.

I mean, she's talking about falling in love.

I told you, it's a very strong choice.

That's when I knew that I had a fucking fight on my hands and I was going to have to

get down and dirty and become unlikable, maybe.

Never unlikable.

You're always loving.

And so I was going to have to get a little vicious and

like a rat in a corner.

Tim, is it too late?

And I'm still loco enough to choke you to death with a Charleston Chew.

Slim Shady, hotter than a set of twin babies, and a Mercedes-Benz with the windows in it.

And he didn't, you didn't penalize him, though.

Did you take into account the penalization for bringing up a fourth song when he should have had no reason to penalize it?

He struck it for the record.

Yeah, but I don't struck for the record.

And I said that the Bon Jovi song was weak.

But I think it should have knocked down a great song to a very good song, though, because he violated the song.

Would he have still won with a very good song?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, it's a great song.

So wait, so I'm the purveyor.

You just, you've won a purveyor title.

You're not the purveyor.

I still got like six of them, Q.

You got one.

And I believe the purveyor title will only be won in five to six years from now because

the way it's set up, it's going to last another five years.

It's very convoluted.

Especially with.

I'll get a text to be like, next Tuesday,

here's some songs.

And it's been elongated even because of COVID now.

Yeah, I was thinking we might have to call it from COVID, and since I have the most titles, it it just automatically just goes to me.

Sorry,

that sounds fair.

Yeah, but I won the last one.

You are the most current purveyor.

I'm the most current purveyor.

And that ain't no small feat.

And that's I don't take it lightly.

And that is something to hang your hat on.

And I'm sure you'll be telling everybody that's.

I'm killing you to say that, isn't it?

I know.

I knew I had a fucking fight on my hands.

Who else has won?

Frank Five has won.

Brian won.

I won.

Which one did you win?

Geez, which one did I win?

Rap songs.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah.

I got robbed on that one, too.

I think I brought a five song to that one too.

That was tough.

I got robbed.

Well, the next time you, I definitely want to do it next time you do it for Patreon because

I have to defend

your title.

I have to.

Well, what we're doing is setting up a tournament.

It's like one-on-one.

We would play somebody from Tell Home Steve Dave Town.

Okay.

You win.

You move on.

You lose.

You go home.

Okay.

I'm down for that.

This is kind of fun we're having on Patreon, man.

If people aren't on it, they're crazy.

Look.

Yeah, I'm down.

I actually,

it's a fun game, right?

It's a real fun game, yeah.

You're excellent.

Yeah, you're really good at what you do.

Of course, you're going to say that.

Yeah, would those compliments be that?

Clearly, even if you lost tonight,

you clearly know what you're doing.

You have excellent taste.

I mean, I can see it.

Who won the

grunge one?

I know it was Chris Ledondo versus Max.

Oh, Chris Ledondo won it.

He's also one and moving on.

Oh, you could face Chris Ledondo in a.

But who lost in that?

Wow.

Maxwell.

Yeah, Brian Maxwell.

And he was hanging out, but it was just like, I can't believe I didn't win.

He just had, like,

I like that.

I mean, I knew that music kind of, and he just had really.

And we take it seriously, man.

We're very competitive here.

Yeah, you are.

And we don't like to lose.

And we certainly don't like to lose when you fucking bring the only love song to the table and you're fucking walking home and

subject

some fucking robot judge who doesn't know about making love.