#455: Potpourri of TESD
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Transcript
We can't trust them, Canadians.
Walt, send me a dick pig.
But you can safely assume they ain't got fucking Robert Plant and Jimmy Page, asshole.
Tell him, Steve Dave.
Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.
I'm here with Walt, and I'm here with Q.
Hello.
And we're here with me.
Hello.
Ready to rock another episode there, Q.
We're ready to rock it.
Hot off the presses, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, dead at 86.
No.
Yeah, wasn't she just doing like karate or dancing or something not too long ago?
Oh, the world's about to fucking explode.
Well,
he ain't going to be able to pick one before the.
You don't think he's got a guy ready to go?
Well, they won't be able to approve it or, you know, go through the steps quick enough by not by a November election.
No.
It ain't going to happen.
Not ain't going to be quick enough.
Well, this, one, I'm not going to.
That's what makes this election even more.
I'm not sure I believe that that's true.
That's one, but two, right.
Now this election just took on a whole new fucking meaning.
As if it wasn't crazy and fucking divisive enough.
Let's throw a little bit more fire on that.
I mean, wood on that fire.
It was a whole long article about her.
Well, yeah, didn't she live like an incredible life?
I don't know anything about it, but she tried to stay alive just because she, you know, like it probably prolonged her life
probably years more than if she wasn't a Supreme Court judge.
I think it probably she knew that she didn't want to have, unless, you know,
she was going to die during a Democratic presidency.
Some fucking hypocrisy happen, because didn't they block Obama from picking one?
Oh, my God.
Politics is a shit shit.
Oh, it's going to be such a fucking.
I'll tell you what, man.
I have kept my nose out of all this shit, but I can't wait to see them debates.
I'm like, I can't wait to see them.
This is going to be nuts.
She died of complications due to metastic
pancreatic or pancreas cancer.
Yeah.
she was she died surrounded by family is that the way you would want to go surrounded by your family as they watch you fucking in the weakest state they've ever seen you in
and then you just fucking shuffle away i feel like i wouldn't want it like that i want to be like an animal go off and like hide in a hide in the woods like under a log
really yeah i don't i don't want my family around to see me i don't want my family around when i'm alive certainly not when i'm dying
i don't know i don't think i want to i mean we all die alone i guess but like i don't really want to
I don't want to go in my sleep.
I want to know it's, like, I want to meet it head-on as much as I can.
I would rather go in my sleep.
Yeah.
Just not know.
Yeah.
That would be ideal, I think, for every, I think.
I'm surprised you, yeah, you wouldn't.
I wouldn't.
I, I, if it's my let, if the last thing I'm going to do in all of eternity is die, I kind of want to experience as much of it as I can.
Get those last couple minutes in.
Yeah, just like, you know, so this is what it's like.
Yeah, I think I would much rather go peacefully in my sleep than a nice dream.
I get it.
I mean, that's not like I don't see that.
Yeah, I just, yeah, I just feel like if I had a choice, yeah, I think that's the way.
And nobody gets a choice.
Well, let me ask you something.
If you were given a choice, it's like, you can go to you can go peacefully in your sleep or get five more years,
but you're going to be screaming a lot.
Yeah, but it's going to be a really fucking like
unenviable end.
Oh,
these are very difficult decisions or scenarios that.
you don't like these.
No, man.
No, I thought we were going to have fun.
Ruth picked up the notorious RBG fucked it up for everybody.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
That's not good.
This country can't take another hit like this right now.
Have we ever been more divided?
I don't want to get on.
I really don't want anybody.
I think we had to have been, don't we?
Well, not in our lifetimes.
No, no, not in our lifetimes.
No, not out there.
I don't like it.
Yeah, I wish we could all come together.
Just all get along, like old Rodney used to say.
Yeah, I mean, just not be so quick to
everybody hates everyone, everyone preaches love, but like the truth is, everyone hates everyone else.
Like, they hate you for no reason, they don't even know you, and they hate you.
Everybody just hates each other.
It's crazy.
Everybody's got their own version of the truth these days.
That's what's going on, and everybody believes it so much.
Well, it's the truth.
There is no deviation from it, it's just the truth.
You know what, though?
Just real quick, like, I used to think there was no one more passionate about a subject than I was about, like, on the devils.
Okay.
I lived, breathed it.
I fucking
it brought me to the heights of ecstasy,
to the pits of fucking, like,
I don't know if I can move.
I don't know if I can even fucking get up in the morning.
I can vouch for this.
Like, I knew this guy when they lost.
And it was a serious, like, as depressed as I ever was.
Like, it was a serious depression.
Yeah.
And that's how,
but now when I look at, like, how people treat politics, both sides, that's how I think they're way more fucking into it, politics, than I was into the devils.
And I'm like, even I wasn't this fucking, like, well, wrapped up into it.
I mean, some people might say.
that politics is important
whereas you know a fucking silly game with people knocking shit around with sticks on ice doesn't hold the same way.
Some people might say that.
I wouldn't necessarily want.
Some people might say that.
Yeah, but you cannot deny that
maybe it's misguided passion.
Sure.
But regardless, it's still passion.
I think it's healthier than being that into politics.
Oh, I don't know.
Politics.
There were things that I did and said that
I regret
embarrassed
that I did.
Some probation for domestic violence.
My approach to sports has always been,
do you think, I think this is a healthier way, was just like celebrate the victories.
And who gives a shit about the losses?
It's healthier, but I call you a fucking poser.
I call you out as like, you're not a real fan.
I want to argue with you.
If you're not feeling like you cannot fucking take a step.
I got to admit, I've not felt that way.
Even when Boston won the World Series, I was like, oh, motherfucker.
That's it.
What more am I going to do?
But yeah, like in 2001, when Arizona
fucking broke the hearts
of the Yankees,
if you fucking were able to the next day to be like, ah, say Levi.
By the next day?
The next day you were able to.
By the next day, it's like, all right.
It was gone.
It's like, we'll get him next year.
Yeah.
I call that not a real fan.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
It's all right.
Maybe I'm gatekeeper here, but I don't know what you get out.
You got to get rid of me.
Take that hat off
and put a fucking no-frills hat on.
Yeah.
You think you need to get worked up.
Because whenever you watch people watch sports, you need to feel the pain.
Without the pain,
then how can you really experience the joy?
Right?
Yeah, because then there's no...
There's no dues.
You didn't paint them.
You can't experience light unless you know dark.
Exactly.
Yeah, but how heavy.
Wait, because like, how heavy is the dark supposed to get?
Because, like, like I said, I'm like, ah, fuck.
Well, like, you've, you experienced some dark times, right?
Oh, God, yeah.
And they were never fucking spurred on by like fucking Yankees blowing a lead?
No.
I can also vouch for that.
No, not at all.
No.
Really?
Yeah, it all bubbled up from the inside.
I mean.
We had lots of conversations.
I don't remember one revolving around the Yankees.
It was always either a fucking woman or myself.
Those are the only two things that ever upset me.
Maybe throw my parents in every once in the water.
Yeah, no, I mean, there's some scars that'll never heal for me.
94.
Yeah.
With the Rangers, game seven, double overtime, fucking Messier, Mateau.
I've said, and
I'm not proud of this, but I've said I don't care if Messier gets fucking testicular cancer.
Wow.
Yeah, like I, because I just hate him.
Is it a possibility, or you're just like, well, I mean, I've got a couple of voodoo dolls
about it.
And then there's 2001 with the Avalanche
and 2012 with the Kings.
Not so much the 2012 because
no one expected them to be there.
But if the puck goes a different way,
my life's a hell of a lot better even in 2020.
Even with Dorne of COVID, I could still say
four devil fucking championships.
But yeah, I mean, you
definitely have a healthier outlook, though.
I wish that, and actually, I have, I think, come around to that because
I don't have the passion anymore for the sports that I used to have.
You know, I think that,
you know, all the guys I rooted for are gone.
Yeah.
So it's hard to like, you know,
reattach and find love again in like these plot these young players.
Yeah, you need to, you know,
you need a good crossover player.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's what you needed.
And there are no crossover players for the devils who have actually, you know, achieved anything, any kind of greatness.
So it's a bunch of young, like faceless, nameless players that I...
have no affection for.
Yeah.
So we're supposed to love a franchise?
Just because
they wear the logo?
I guess I'm supposed to, that's what a fan's supposed to do.
Well, you know, I went went to see
a band at PNC, and Dawkin opened for him.
You know, Don Dawkins, George Lynch, all those guys.
They were tooth and nail, baby.
Yeah, damn right.
So
it was Don Dawkins and then three guys who were not in the original band.
And you're like, I know George Lynch was a big player, but fuck it.
If Don Dawkin isn't on that stage, it ain't Donk Lynch.
Nobody really cares, bro.
So as long as he's there.
But these were kids.
Like you said, though, these were kids.
Like the drummer, I'm like, is he even out of high school yet?
They look so fucking young.
It may have been Don Dawkins' son, I think.
Oh, you think?
Yeah.
Oh, perhaps.
But I see, I feel like, I get it.
It's the voice.
But for me, like, if George Lynch isn't there, too, it's kind of just different.
I don't even like Dawkins that much.
Dawkins is not my devils or anything.
No, it sounded like it was, though.
I was like, I didn't know.
It had hurt you so.
This had caused like scars.
Yeah, no, I wasn't scarred by it, but I was like, that's just kind of weird.
It's just not the best.
But Leonard Skynyn I went to see, there's 13 people in the band.
Only one was original, and I don't even know which one it was.
So it's like, did I see Leonard Skidder?
I don't think so.
Yeah, it's weird.
I dated a girl for a while that was adamant that lead singers don't make a band.
And I was like, you're fucking crazy.
How could you even fucking
go on a date with her?
She must have big old titties.
And tattoos.
All right.
Yeah.
And she absolutely had the fucking gall to say that a lead singer doesn't make the band.
She said that.
So like if fucking Mick left the stones, it's still the stones.
Too much credit goes to Mick, according to her.
This is a good person.
Like, this isn't like, you know, I like her, but I always think that about her.
I was always like, she has a good taste of music?
No, I wouldn't say that per se.
Good taste of men, apparently.
But yeah,
she was made a point to make it known that that's how she felt in a conversation.
And I was like, you're crazy.
I mean, there are probably some examples where she's probably right, where a singer left and another singer came in and the band had
reached maybe even higher heights than the previous singer.
But an established singer leaving, bringing in somebody else, I mean, it's
like Van Halen with it.
With Van Halen, it happened.
Yeah, that's a good point.
Yeah.
But other than that, it's very
not common.
That's a once and once in every fucking 30 years.
Right.
And even then, it's just like her position was so strong on it.
You can't hang an entire opinion on on an example of Van Halen.
Like, you have to look at the whole thing and be like, yeah, generally speaking, the lead singer is the.
Genesis happened, too.
Sure, Genesis happened.
Gabriel left, right?
Phil Collins came in.
And then Phil Collins left, right?
And who's in now?
Oh, I don't even know.
Are they still a band?
I didn't even know they're still together.
Yeah.
I mean, remember Judas Priest, Rob Halford, left, and they brought in Soundalike.
Tim Ripper Owens, right?
Wasn't his name?
Yeah.
And it didn't work.
Didn't work.
Journey, though, they hugged hugged that that worked.
Yeah, that worked.
It's crazy how much he sounds like him.
Uh, I'm seeing Audio Slave, I'm seeing Velvet Revolver, so Motley Crew with John Karabi from 93 to 96.
I never even knew they replaced
him at any point.
Black Sabbath with Ian Gillam.
That worked when you brought up Ronnie James, Dave.
Yeah, Dio, it worked.
Uh, Genesis with Ray Wilson, Drew Genesis with Ray Wilson.
Yeah, I don't know who that is.
Is that who that's the new part of Ray Wilson?
Well, 1997, 1997 to 98.
Yes, with Benoy David.
Farner with Kelly Hansen.
Oh, Farner is one of the biggest egregious examples of
they are just licensing the name.
I don't know.
Nobody who had any hand in those hits from the 70s is playing those hits now.
That's weird.
But Fleetwood Mac did it, too.
Did they?
Sure.
They had revolving singers, lead singers.
Iron Maiden with Blaze Bailey, I guess when he was flying planes around.
Fleetwood Mac with Becca Bramlett.
Judas Priest with Tim Rip Rowan.
Yeah, so it does happen, but it's very, very rare that I guess they can carry on and still maintain that level of.
It's tough because you're like, this is the way it's supposed to sound.
Yeah, because the fans will never accept, especially if it's a beloved singer.
It's very hard to win the fans over, you know, to try to sell them that, like, this is just as good.
It's better.
Yeah.
I saw Queen perform two years ago with
Ray Albert or Adam Lambert.
Adam Lambert.
How was that?
The show was awesome, but it wasn't Queen.
You know what I mean?
It was a great show, though.
I had a blast, but it was like a really good cover band.
I watched, again, like I've seen it before, the footage of them at Wembley Stadium.
That's crazy.
And it's like.
You'll never even have anything close to this experience.
It's like 80,000 people or something sitting in the, it's just a sea of people.
I asked Fatone one time.
I was like, what was the most surreal?
And he said it was Rock and Rio.
And he was like, it was about that many people.
He's like, you just, as far as you could see, it was just people.
Yeah, I remember he told me that story.
It's crazy.
Yeah.
Poor Fatone.
Poor Fatone.
What's up?
He used to be in a boy band.
Now look at him.
Oh.
Oh, no, that's not why.
I was just actually, I don't know why I said it.
Yeah, really.
Fatone's always happy.
Yeah, he's always great.
I think I just missed him.
I do miss Fatone.
So you're like, poor me.
Yeah, poor me is more like it.
He's a really great guy.
I like that guy.
I want to ask the listeners who might know anything about cars for an opinion.
Because I'm driving the Crown Victoria, the 1989 Crown Vicarum, and I'm thinking that I want to take it to one of those restoration shops and get it fully restored, like back to 1989.
Like just get it brand new again.
And
am I to be laughed out of the car community for doing it to a Crown Victoria?
Is my first question.
The second question is, does anybody know of a good place I could do it?
Because
they made so many of the Crown Vics, the parts have got to be
widely.
Please lousy with those parts.
Yeah, they were the cop cars, right?
They were cop cars.
I think they were the most made cars in history, possibly.
You'll find plenty of parts then.
Whether or not it's like on a personal level, I would never want to restore an 80s Crown Vic, but like I see 70s type stuff.
But if that's a car you like, I mean, I love driving it.
I mean, you could also look for one that's in much better condition.
Well, this one's in great condition, but it's like, no matter what, 31 years, it's got to be restoring.
Well, there's like a little rust on the door, on the inside of the door.
Some of the plastic, you know, they made these things out of plastic material.
Like, some of them are cracked and faded.
You know how the dashboards, like the phone.
The sun and shit.
Yeah.
It's just shit like that.
You know, the engine leaks oil.
I want to get a little bit of that.
Get some new seats.
The seats are in great condition.
Oh, are they?
Yeah, the seats are in pretty good condition.
But it's just like, you know, like
I just want to go look at it and everything that's wrong with it
fixed.
And I'm just wondering if, like, if anybody knows anybody like that, or if it's like, I mean, not if it's worth it or not, because it is worth it to me.
You know, I mean, not if they're like, it's $25,000.
And I'll be like, well, you know,
I could drive it like this, I guess.
Yeah, I don't know.
You're not a car guy, Walt.
Never been a car guy.
You don't give a shit shit what you drive.
No, I get it, though.
I mean, like, that's a
like men
fall in love with cars.
Yeah.
And it's like, it's something that, you know, like, that's an American.
I think so, right?
Yeah, it's like, it's something that all, like, not all guys, but a lot of guys just love cars.
Yeah, it's like, I...
Like a Sunday Jeff type.
Does he love cars?
I wouldn't say.
I think Q loves cars more than Sunday Jeff does.
Sunday Jeff likes toys.
Yeah.
Not his
cars, you know, muscle cars rather than fucking, you know, little action figures.
I got room for both in my life.
I saw
the lease on my Jeep is up in January, so I have to look for something new.
Not going to get another Jeep.
It's just way too loud on the highways.
Like you can't hear the other person talking.
So now I'm like, all right, well, what do I get?
You know?
Yeah.
And it's between just leasing something else or
there are muscle cars that are actually cheaper.
Why don't you think about the environment for once instead of yourself?
Okay, so what am I going to do?
Prius?
Okay.
Prius.
They actually do make really nice Priuses.
You don't have to.
You're not going to have kids.
Oh, yeah.
So what?
My carbon footprint is way light.
If you don't have children,
you could basically do anything you want for the rest of your life and you will still be saving the environment more than anybody that has one kid.
Think about your two kids driving all over the place and shit.
Yeah.
No, I can't drive here.
That's a kid, though.
It's not his kid?
Not my kid.
I just, just took her in.
Yeah.
Oh,
but it benefits you so you could buy a muscle car.
Then, then, then you distance yourself.
I need leaded gas.
Does that matter?
Yeah, we're good.
Our carbon footprint is zero.
We can do whatever the fuck we want.
I recycle.
It's true.
It's the number one thing you could do to save the environment is not have kids.
Yeah.
Really?
I believe.
Well, I mean, look at how many people are.
I was driving around today.
I'm like, holy shit.
There's so many people.
The impact of an entire human being off the
forever.
Yeah.
Plus, their
grandkids and whatnot, like that.
So, time to that point.
Like, my parents had three kids.
We're killing the planet.
Yeah.
They didn't know back then.
Pam and Edgar should be walking everywhere.
Yeah, right.
But, oh, man, I wouldn't mind going to a credit system where if you don't have kids, you get to drive whatever.
Don't you get tax breaks for anything?
No.
I'm paying for these fucking kids to go to school in my neighborhood.
Little bastards.
You just bought Alicia textbook.
Yeah, it's like, fuck it.
Come on, man.
But, yeah, but get a muscle car.
Get a muscle car.
Yeah.
But
I don't think it has air conditioning.
No, I just like it.
It's the same car my grandmother had.
Uh, before people are just going to snicker, though, as you as you drive by.
Don't listen to that.
Are they?
Oh, yeah.
Why would they snicker, though?
Like, I don't see it.
I don't snicker when I see a nice car.
Oh my God.
I mean, how much does he have to do?
I got my 26-year-old bride in the passenger seat.
Jesus Christ.
How insecure is that?
I got a toupee on it.
I don't even need it.
I just have it on anyway.
What's up, Car?
Oh, it's Buick Skylark 1970.
Buick Sky
70 to 72, I like it.
Skylark.
Yeah, everybody take a moment, Google it while we look it up here.
I just want to see it, man, because I want to see what you're thinking of it.
Oh, come on.
You got to get that.
It's pretty cool, right?
Oh, it's awesome, man.
You're going to get the drop top or I would like to.
Oh, it's a convertible, too?
Yeah, convertible, too.
Oh, my God.
It was like the one I was looking at was red.
It had a nice white interior, like a real white.
Don't get white.
No, too dirty.
Well, I have kids.
I don't got to worry.
You have Sage.
She's riding the trunk.
That's my muscle car, God dude.
Oh, so you know what?
You're not going to let Sage ride in the car because it'll hurt the image?
Yeah.
I'm going to stud around town.
We ride up and down Broad Street.
Can't have a kid in the back seat.
Oh.
But the problem is, like, I sincerely doubt it has air conditioning.
Why?
What?
1970?
Yeah.
I mean, cars were, that was an option at that time.
And I don't know if you can go back and put it in.
Dude,
you can get them in.
I mean, I'm seeing one for 15 grand.
There's one for 24 grand.
There's one for 11, there's one for 30 grand.
I imagine that's.
Yeah, some of them are real.
Some of these.
Dude, it's crazy.
Some of these bus cars, like $150,000, $200,000.
I'm like, who's buying these cars?
You can't do that.
That I would advise you again.
I feel like you cannot.
But then there's the argument of just getting a nice new car that I know it's not going to be.
You have to keep putting money into it and it fucking breaks down, though.
Especially if you're going to use it to drive and do errands and shit.
How about this?
How about you live a life of ends and not or?
I like the way that sounds.
Let's do another fucking commercial.
Worry about
fucking business right now.
Let's get you that second automobile.
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Let me tell you a little something.
I found, well, when I say I, I mean Mary Beth found that other pair that I lost.
So now I have two pairs of Raycons.
I keep one,
it was behind the couch.
I dropped it somewhere.
Yeah, so now I keep one in the car.
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If they had stems on them and they just fell in the toilet, they'd probably just flush it, right?
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So,
who do we got?
I drove up here in the 1989 graphic
with foam foam popping out of the dashboard and shit.
So, here we go.
We got Snoop Dogg.
Oh, well, you mean real celebrities.
Who's Rich the Kid?
I don't know half these people.
I know Mike Tyson.
Who are they?
Mike Tyson likes to listen to them.
Yep.
Yeah.
Come on, Raycon.
Fend me some of them.
I want them for free.
Do you think they gave them for free?
Hell yeah.
If they gave them to us for free, I'll beat the theater out of you.
Yeah, I know, right?
Mike Tyson.
They're making Mike Tyson pay for Raycons.
They make me pay for my inbox.
And they're not fucking listing us in there as some of the celebrities.
Why don't they list us?
Who the fuck is Rich the Kid anyway?
Let's
get away up.
That's all they care about are rappers.
Rich the Kid.
They move fucking units, though.
What about Bri the Adult?
I could rap.
The Octogenarian.
Bri the Octogenarian, yeah.
He's an American rapper and songwriter.
It's one of these guys that, like, I've never heard of him, but he probably has like 25 million Instagram followers.
I can't believe the number of people that I am unaware of.
What's his name, Billy the Kid?
Rich the Kid.
Oh, I was going to say, Billy the Kid.
I was like, Billy the Kid, I could get away with it.
Could you get away with calling yourself Billy the Kid?
Because
have people forgotten that it was the horrible connotations?
Oh, so you're saying that legally, but like if you were like, hey, Billy the kid, you know, just like PR-wise, it's like, you don't name yourself after a gangster.
I mean, if Marilyn Manson got away with it, I'm pretty sure nobody gives a fuck about Billy the Kid.
It's been enough time.
It's been enough time.
Enough time has passed that if he indeed shot anyone to begin with or existed in the first place.
This is
speaking of people on Instagram.
Let me read the rest of this.
We just have to call them to action, Perry.
I'm scrolling action.
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Make sure to check it out now while the deer's...
Damn it.
I tried to get fancy and fucked it up.
Make sure to check it out now while the deal.
I'm just going to read it.
Make sure to check it out now while the deal's running.
Byraycon.com slash T-E-S-D.
I hate myself.
What are you going to say, Q?
Well, this is what I'm saying.
Like, so Instagram has started this
new thing, Reels, which is basically TikTok on Instagram.
TikTok, didn't they get banned banned today oh i don't know but i will say this like i
this is what comes up now and it's two things
it's awesome but it's also distracting is this for us well i do searching and then it's like it's just i get that too you you hit search and it's always it's like it's just video after video of hot chicks look at these two i mean holy fucking god it's but what sets them apart that that's that's what i wonder like because you'll see some that are like oh i have 250 followers and then the next one has
2 million followers.
I think maybe this one deserves 2 million.
How many followers do these two have?
Jesus Christ.
They're going to bet that one more.
And it's only 1.3 million.
1.3 million for doing what?
Like, show Walt what they're doing.
Okay.
This is fucking ridiculous.
This is the world we live in.
Hold on.
Let me get my glasses.
They all do the same thing.
Two blonde girls in bikinis.
It's always like...
They think it's clever to jump in the air and land, and when they land, they're in another outfit.
it's
fucking over and over again.
I'm like, you guys are fucking kidding me, right?
But then they have like two million followers, and I guess, I guess, I'm the true shit.
Is it um, do people follow for the irony of it, maybe?
Oh, I doubt that.
I doubt that.
And then these girls, like, they have so many followers that I guess they get endorsements and they're like, hey, I use this kind of makeup today.
And then they don't blame them for that, man.
Get what you can while you can.
But it's just so funny how unoriginal, how every video is just like,
boom, look at me, and now I'm in this outfit.
Boom, look at my ass.
And it's like, it's great.
I mean, I'm all for certain aspects of it, but I just, but like, how the fuck could you be like, if you go on Instagram and it's like, you just get all these hot chicks.
Even if you were like, I want to follow a hot chick, how the fuck could you possibly decide?
Like, every single picture is of a girl in a bikini or a bra or a see-through shirt or thigh-high boots or any number of things.
The images
disappeared, though, quickly.
That snapped shut.
Oh, okay.
Like, shit.
Sending new
no don't have to worry about that never send a dick pic never to your wife huh nope she's like waltz send me a dick pic you say no no
floody duddy so you want to have some have some fun that's that's uh
i'm more mature than that where i'm not where were you when i sent one the other day
oh you were at dmv like we were texted and suddenly i just sent a picture of dick
I sent one dick pic in my life, and I was like, I regret that.
Sorry, mom.
Dad.
Sorry, pop.
Walt, you must have been hopeful there was UFO sighting in New Jersey.
I saw that.
Yeah.
There's been a lot of UFO news.
I heard Japan now is doing something about UFOs.
They've committed now to.
Type in Japan UFO news because something hit today about it's been a busy day, but I wanted to read this article, but I didn't get a chance to read it.
But something big happened in Japan with UFOs.
Japan UFO.
This is a UFO catcher?
This is good.
You don't hear much about Japan anymore lately.
Hell no.
Yeah, you don't hear anything about them breaking out.
It's like they seem very calm.
It doesn't seem like there's riots over there, but you look here, the UK.
Oh, no, China, they're fucking around, but Japan, you don't hear about anything.
They were rioting in Japan?
No, they weren't.
That's what I'm saying.
Like, you don't hear anything about those.
But I just meant in the 80s and early 90s, remember, Japan was like the competition.
They were the ones that was going to take us over.
They were buying all the buildings in New York.
Yeah, and now it's like you just don't hear about them anymore at all.
Well, who am I supposed to
versus?
Well, Russians all
no, right now you're versus China for sure.
Japan's Self-Defense Force has received instructions on steps to take should a UFO be identified.
Now, if the government of Japan is
putting down protocols
for fighters, jet fighters, to engage UFOs.
There could be no doubt
that there are UFOs then, right?
Well, UFO is different from alien.
I understand, but.
So it could be just a matter of like when you encounter UFOs, which could be a drone, some asshole with a drone.
But now, does this take us back to what, the 50s?
Did we learn nothing from all those sci-fi movies where we shot first?
it doesn't appear to me that the human race has ever learned fucking anything about anything really it's an indictment on the human race
prove me wrong
at me
what have we learned like it's the same mistakes over and over again constantly i mean i just hate to think though that like our first reaction is going to be to kill
an alien the aliens if they you know if they're good enough to come down and and show themselves but even the cryptids that was always the thing like let's kill it and bring it in to study it rather than let's capture it alive.
It was always like, let's kill that.
That's a mindless animal, though.
Not a smart alien.
I mean, come on, man, if it's able to fucking build a fucking UFO, it's intelligent.
Well, he might just be the pilot.
You don't know if he built it.
You don't got to be super smart.
He's probably drunk Mikhail's Navy of fucking aliens.
Mikhail's Navy reference.
Wow, you put me to shame.
Frank Five's knee slapping right five.
I'm the only one listening.
Oh, that was a good one, too.
Well done.
Oh, boy, Frank.
Bravo.
Frank Your Five, that one's for you.
The one in Jersey turned out to be the Goodyear blimp, even though it seems a bunch of Mexican people freaked out about it, started cursing and stuff.
Mexican people?
Yeah, I believe so.
Oh, wait, this is a different one.
So he's saying this is a spaceship.
Look, the whole street is fucking stuffed.
But it's just, it's the blimp that has like the,
like, remember in Scarface when it's like the world is yours, like that blimp going by?
I haven't seen Scarface since 1983 when it came out.
Too many curse words.
No, no.
So that's a blimp?
It was just a blimp, but like, you know how it has the digital like sign that like says something?
I guess they saw that and thought.
Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off, Walt, but I had to know what the fuck that was.
Oh, you didn't cut me off.
I wasn't even, what was I talking about?
I don't know.
I was too entranced by the blimp.
But anyway, so Japan,
a a helicopter chased down a UFO, but due to bad weather, they had to turn around.
They say that it has not still to be identified.
It didn't hurt any commercial air flights or whatever.
You're in charge, Q.
Okay, great.
Yeah, you charge your defense secretary.
You know what that you know what kind of heavy fucking responsibility that comes with being in charge of everything.
You're the man in charge of setting up the plan
when we have
an encounter of like, I guess that would be the first kind
where you have actual contact or is that the third kind?
That's a third kind.
That's a third kind.
Are you instructing your guys to shoot on site?
No.
Finger on the triggers, boys.
Ooh, okay.
Let's see what's going on.
What kind of hardware we bring into the fucking.
Everything they can't see is pointed at them.
Every single fucking thing on the planet that's going to be.
Do you risk, you know,
like starting, you know, being coming across as too
aggressive?
No, that's why things they can't see.
I want every
they can see everything, bro.
I don't know that.
Oh, come on, man.
They fucking got underneath your radar.
Well, if they're that intelligent, then they know why.
You get to be the Secretary of Defense.
He's like, I don't know what to do.
So here's close encounters of the first kind are visual sightings of a UFO, seemingly less than 500 feet away that show an appreciable angular extension in considerable detail.
The second kind, a UFO event in which a physical effect is alleged.
This could be the interference in the functioning of a vehicle or electronic device, animals reacting, physiological effects such as paralysis or heat.
And then the third kind is like, you know, holy shit, that's a fucking alien.
Now, what would they have to do for you to be like, fire!
Like, give me a moment.
I think
it would have to be like Mars attacks where he fucking suddenly just starts investing people.
So if they fucking came, they walked down the fucking platform.
Yeah.
Do they look like Mars attacks?
Well, they're definitely not humanoid.
Okay.
They're definitely, you know, they're aliens.
You know that they're not fucking humans.
Let's make no,
you're not going to mistake this for, you know, your cousin, fucking Bill.
You're going to see my cousin.
Staten Island.
But, you know, they walk down, I mean, and they pull out something.
Out of their pants or out of their holster.
Yeah.
Do you give them the benefit?
No.
They're going to take the first shot.
What's it?
I'm not going to attack them.
Oh, okay.
So you're not willing to.
So you have to wait.
You're going to wait for them to make the first shot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Could be risky.
Well, it's going to, I mean,
it's one guy,
one alien, like, maybe he could, but you're going to sacrifice one alien.
It was like Gort.
Like, what was it?
Yeah, right.
Wow, you're really a fucking alien.
He never went back to the 50s.
The daddy or stood still.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He just popped him immediately.
It is kind of fucked up.
But are you worried about disease?
Because they're going to have germs that we don't have.
And I can't believe it.
Nobody wants to shake your hand.
And look at what we're dealing with now.
You know, with COVID, now we're going to have an alien fucking germ.
Or it could kill him.
Yeah.
It could be War of the World type shit.
I think that it's such a fucking,
it's altering the course of everything that you have to treat.
At risk, you've got to just fucking go out guns ablazing and
worry about it later.
Shit,
like in World War II, when they used to go into those bunkers with the flamethrowers and just light them up.
You created a scorched earth, too.
Come on.
Are you a fucking American or not?
Come on, bro.
We ain't sweden here, man.
We got to protect the world.
No one else in the world ain't going to do it.
Who else is going to do it aside from America, really?
Yeah, if there's a threat, then yeah, but you can't.
It's the very fact that they fucking invaded our planet.
They didn't ask for permission to land.
Yeah.
He's like, oh, they're living in my house now.
Maybe I should say something.
Well, I mean, what if they were considerate enough to land on an A toll in the middle of the fucking ocean?
And then they like boated over.
It's an atoll.
It's just like a fun island.
Like a little island.
Oh, okay.
So then they like boated over?
No, they were like, come meet us on the Atoll.
Okay.
So they can speak English.
I'm assuming if they could build these
statements Siri can now speak in 11 languages, I just feel like they'll be able to vote.
So, how is landing there any less threatening?
Well, you just said they landed on our property.
I think that's definitely less threatening because they went somewhere deserted
and they're like, Come, come meet us.
We won't, we wanted to go into a populated area
if they did uh if they started hovering over American cities like an independence thing, yeah, then game over, then I'm then what I'm doing is I'm being like apocalypse now, get him the fuck out of here.
Look at his eyes!
Get the fuck out of here.
He looks scared.
He looks scared.
Get him out of here.
Broadcasting on all frequencies.
Broadcasting on all frequencies.
Get these fucking chips out of here.
You guys got like an hour to get these fucking chips out of here.
Yeah.
Then I'll attack.
But then you risk looking fucking impudent, though,
if your guns do nothing.
And then you're like, you got all this big bravado and it's like a gnat, you know.
Well, then we know where we stand.
Or he looks xenophobic in a world where you're like, you have to like everyone.
Probably there are going to be people who are like, what the fuck?
Why'd you chase the aliens?
Probably.
They may have come to give us the keys to fucking curing all every disease on the planet.
And Q's first reaction is to.
Get the fuck out of here.
Hovering over fucking Staten Island, man?
Like, you just can't be doing this shit.
You're freaking everybody out.
Like, you're fucking scaring everybody.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, I hear you, man.
That's why I wouldn't want to be a defense, defensive secretary.
But I think generally, I allow them to take the first shot.
Really?
Because
we're either going to win a battle, a war, or we're going to get wiped off the fucking map by them.
And I don't think that's decided by the first shot.
I know you're a fucking true blue, red-blooded American.
Yeah.
What do you give our odds in a war with another, with an alien race?
Give me.
I don't even know if we could beat China at this point, let alone fucking aliens.
I don't want to hear that talk.
I hate to say it, but we're going commie.
We're all going commie regardless of whether we like it or not.
But does that do an Alan Wars situation
where we unite with the world and we all forget all our fucking horrible differences and we come together as a world, you know, to battle?
No.
No, even that.
We never come together as a world.
Oh, I just, I think it's, I think it's the only thing that could at this point.
No way.
Oh, yes, way.
BLM is replaced by it, would be like ALDM, like alien lives don't matter.
Yeah.
So we're, we just all gang up on the aliens.
No, no, I didn't.
Well, I mean, not without warranty, but
I truly, I'm surprised.
You don't think that the world
faced with fucking extinction?
Yep.
I think we put aside those fucking petty differences and some big differences.
Well, I hear what you're saying, but I would also suggest that you take a look at the shit going on today that people care about.
And you're just like, what are these,
like, what's going on in the fucking world?
I don't need, there's no common sense going around.
Nobody's got anything.
I feel like this is so meaningless.
Yeah, I'm just like, this is crazy.
Like, some of the shit that people are going on about.
What, like the mass singer or something?
No, I can buy it.
I was thinking more of like somebody, like I just read today, that they're like, let's cancel Beethoven.
He was racist.
Now, there you go.
And
somebody
interpreted it through his music.
Not even something he said.
What were the lyrics?
No, there were no lyrics.
It's just all classical music.
Oh, but they were put to a tune, though, that maybe fucking, you know,
there's no fucking music scholar, though.
You don't know.
That's true.
It probably was some
anti-black type thing.
I don't know.
I just think that people will find.
I don't think anything will bring people to the music.
The governments, though.
I mean, the governments, I think, of the world would come together to
form a resistance.
I think Canada would be like, let's make a deal with them.
Side channel them and shit like that.
Don't you don't play in Canada?
What?
IJ don't play in Canada?
I don't think Canadians are any worse than anybody else.
I just think that humans in general.
Well, that guy is like the softest pussy in town.
The Prime Minister of Canada.
He's a piece of shit.
He is a piece of shit.
But he judges everybody else.
Hey, you should fucking get fired.
You should get canceled for the Blackface.
Oh, I was in Blackface, but that doesn't matter because I learned
a fucking hypocritical jerk off.
You see, that's why exactly the Canadians are going to fucking talk to the aliens.
Yeah.
We can't trust them, Canadians.
All right.
Now, but would you want us, when we go out into the,
you know, the darkness of space, do you want, if we land on a planet,
you want the reception to be,
you know, we would treat it with like.
Isn't that the guy who ordered the attack on our brothers?
What's he doing here?
I feel like, um,
well, you're asking me for the flip side of the coin.
My, my orders would be you don't
attack.
Like, ask for the nearest ATOL.
I'd be like, don't fucking land that, like, don't hover over that version of Staten Island.
Why does he keep saying Atoll?
No one knows what the fuck he's talking about.
That's why I'm the fucking Secretary of Defense.
What do you think we offer?
What is the biggest thing?
What is the best thing we offer to an alien race?
Like, what is the thing that we bring to the table that, like, our hot Instagram chicks?
Fucking rolling there.
You look him in the eyes.
You fucking put a record player on the table and you put a fucking Led Zeppelin box set on the table and you just sit back.
Music.
Yeah.
And a little weed.
Yeah.
And then you just sit back and do this.
I had it, but you lost it.
Yeah,
that just shows us how childish and juvenile and how, like, you know, like, they haven't even fucking stopped smoking the fucking plants.
Like, come on, man.
Shit's dank.
I would be like, I would play, I would play some Led Zap, and I'd be like, Led Zap, what song?
Cashmere?
Yeah, something long so we can assess the situation, Moby Dick, or some shit.
Wow, that's a good, that's a good question.
Immigrant song?
Oh, that would be appropriate.
That would be a fucking good one.
That's great.
And apropos,
immigrant song.
Yeah, that's why I thought you said it.
Yeah.
I think you can make the argument for immigrant song.
I wouldn't do Stairway.
I think I'm taking your job.
You know, I find it because I got this immigrant song.
I think I'm going to slide in or you're going to get demoted.
Sunday, Jeff, will be your second in command.
Unfortunately, yeah, you froze on what's Led Zeppelin's song.
Now you've been demoted.
You're not a four-star fucking general anymore.
Well,
I don't think you should shoot from the hip on what song we pick.
I think you'd be a little too cavalier about it, to be honest.
Maybe that Genesis song, it's not easy being an alien.
What's the best Led Zeppel album?
What's the best Led Zeppelin album?
In your opinion, Led Zeppelin 4.
Okay, so let's look at 4.
Let's look at the, let's look at a little purveyor's posers and playlist mixed in with Overkill.
Oh, we got it all.
It's a potpourri of TSD.
Okay, track listing.
Yeah.
Okay.
You got Black Dog?
Oh, great.
Rock and Roll.
Great.
I mean, every song's great.
Battle of Evermore, Stairway to Heaven.
Overrated Stairway to Heaven.
It's just overplayed.
Overplayed.
Yes.
Misty Mountain Hop.
Nah.
Four sticks.
When the Levee Breaks, that might be a good one.
You know what song I like?
My favorite Led Zeppelin song?
It's an oddball one because it's not overplayed.
Yeah.
That is a good one.
But I think Cashmere, though, because
it just shows how advanced we are.
I might argue for fucking when the levee breaks.
But all right.
But like now, with your decision, like now you bring this and it gets leaked.
There's a leak in your fucking, in your platoon, and the press gets a hold that your game plan is to play Let Zeppelin.
So is our artillery ready to go?
He's like,
in a way, in a much better way, I just bought a record player.
You guys are not following my plan.
If they hover above Staten Island, they got an hour to get out.
If they land on the AIDS hold, then I just have have everything pointed at them that they can't see.
And I go there with the record player and I hit play.
And you're like, check it out.
Yeah.
They're like, why are we listening to this?
Oh, they can speak English?
Sure.
Oh, well, then I'm like, well, why don't you guys fucking
go to the fucking best budget
is Crosley?
I'd be like, what's going on?
Yeah, if they speak English, I'm not going to try and communicate their music.
I'm just going to be like, yeah, what's up, guys?
If their affect is very flat, like you can't really read them.
Okay.
Stony.
Yeah.
So they're saying shit that could be taken either way.
Could be taken either way.
Nice planet you got here.
Thank you.
Thanks.
But what about used to be a dump here, but now it's a paw.
Now it's where I live.
So you think
you think, though, that music
is
mankind's greatest achievement?
I think the argument could be made for it, yeah.
I mean, I mean, that is so impressive.
Like, I did not expect that.
That is an impressive answer.
I'm not fucking around you.
I know, like,
well, it's more of a matter of fact.
That knocks me down.
That's crazy.
It's incorrect.
That's totally incorrect, though.
Music?
Without, I mean, if you're going to sit around.
You name something else that's affected every single human being in a positive way.
Oh, in a positive way?
Music hasn't affected everyone in a positive way.
What do you mean?
I mean, unless you're going to bring up that Beethoven instance that just happened today.
What about a funeral dirge, you know?
Or a requiem, you know?
That's affected people negatively.
But that's, you know,
it's a human emotion.
What about the discovery of fire?
That's up there.
It's got to be up there.
It's not going to impress an alien fucking race.
Oh, they don't have music.
You're saying they don't have music.
They just do, but like this, I think you're really, yeah, I think you're off base here.
This is.
You didn't invent fire?
We just harnessed it.
No, I'm not saying we invented it, but.
How are they going to invent?
But you're saying something that affected humanity more positively than music.
No, I think it's.
Because you can live without music.
But we created something that is
amazing.
And is.
So you're an accomplished songwriter.
I haven't written a song.
I don't feel this way.
You're talking about heat.
You can't say like I can't water.
Like, these things are not.
What about the Industrial Revolution, sir?
What about.
How do you present that, though, to them?
And they run a fucking spaceship.
The steam engine don't mean shit.
So I have to assume.
All right.
Check out this Edsel.
So I'm to assume they don't have music then.
And that's why they're impressed.
But you can safely assume they ain't got fucking Robert Plant and Jimmy Page, asshole.
There's only one planet in the whole fucking universe that got that shit.
I'm picking up what you're putting down.
I don't even fucking throw some King Diamond their way, dude.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no,
They would get upset about that.
Like, that corny ass shit.
Yeah, it would be like Mars Attacks, where it's like the Slim Whitman shit.
It's our fucking career.
It's like dancing around with a fucking bone and a grandma and fucking high-speed.
I love the guy.
I love the theatric and the makeup, but not to fucking win over an alien race.
King King, go back, go back.
We don't need you right now.
Who are the top three bands you would bring to him?
Well, this is what I want to pose to him, though.
It gets leaked.
Because I'm impressed by it.
Okay.
But I think you may have a shit show
when a certain segment of the population is like, yo, motherfucker,
what's with the YouTube shit?
What's with the white boy shit?
And they'd be right.
But I'm like, that shit is old, bro.
That shit's stale.
Yeah.
Like, your music you're presenting is like almost 50 years old.
Yeah.
It might as well be playing Beethoven.
What am I going to play now?
What the fuck am I going to play now?
Oh, Cardi B.
Here's a lovely dirge called Wet Ass Pussy.
Do you want to fucking listen to this?
I would deserve to get shot by an alien ray.
But Brian brings up a point, though.
So are you going to sit there and tell a certain segment of the population that Zeppelin is more impressive than Beethoven?
Shouldn't we be playing a classical
concerto?
What I'm going to say is, you people put me in this position.
I'm calling the shots.
Open your window and play Beethoven if you want.
I thought he was going to go classical.
He kept saying Atoll.
I think he must pronounce things like that.
I think you got to pick one from each genre.
See what they're into.
Like,
who's the best?
Like, would you like to take a Jay-Z or?
I mean, if we're doing rap, they get
Wu-Tang, okay.
That's not even a question.
So you got Wu-Tang.
Is it too, like, you know, like, you know, is it too, like, you know, there's a lot of talk about killing and stuff.
It's too aggressive, though.
Well, that's why I wouldn't pick him.
What about, like, young MC?
Like, something very light, you know?
Oh, like, bust them.
Yeah.
Oh, MC Hammer, very safe.
Yeah, but I'd want it to be like the best that we have to offer.
I agree.
And I'm not trying to dis MC Young
Young MC.
I'm not sure he's alive anymore.
He hasn't put out a record in 50 years, probably.
Tone Loke, maybe.
A little Tone Loke.
Again, I love Tone Loke as much as the next person, but I just don't think even Tone Loke would be like, yeah, I consistently.
I'm your guy.
I'm Len Zeppelin.
I'm the equivalent of Led Zeppelin.
You'd be opening yourself up to some big-time critiquing, though, by your body.
People would be shitting all over on Twitter.
God.
God.
I mean, do you have enough intestinal fortitude to stick to your guns and be like, I do, and I'll tell you why.
Because I'd be like,
look at the eyes again.
You're right.
I'd be like, he's in it.
He's in it.
I'm taking this for real.
I'm like, because I would be like, look, my first choice from my heart and soul, I was like, I would play Tom Petty for them.
I was like, but I don't feel that Tom Petty is appropriate for this situation.
I think Led Zeppelin is the answer for this situation.
You can't listen to Led Zeppelin and not.
You just wowed me again because you didn't go with a personal choice.
Because I think people can listen to Tom Petty and be like, that's all right, whatever.
But I don't think anybody could listen to fucking Led Zeppelin and not be like, this is some of the best.
Especially have never heard it before.
Yeah,
it's something else.
It's another level.
You're an impressive motherfucker.
Maybe it's because I ask these kind of questions to Jeff and
I don't get any kind of like, I never get a satisfactory answer, but this blows me away that, like, you know, he would never say music.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Whatever you think.
Yeah, he doesn't like to indulge in that kind of shit.
You're right.
He doesn't like to let his imagination go.
What I do know is if the aliens did invade, probably they're going to wreck a lot of shit.
And if your shit gets wrecked, what do you need?
Insurance.
You need insurance, baby.
And that's why we have policy genius in our lives.
September, which is winding down very quickly.
In fact, I don't know.
This may come out in October.
Who knows?
It's National Life Insurance Awareness Month.
Today's Cheeseburger Day, National Cheeseburger Day.
Oh, I go for a cheeseburger.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
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Policy Genius, when it comes to insurance, it's nice to get it right.
You're never going to know when you need it until you need it, and then you need it.
Come on, policy genius.
Heads up, dummies.
The guy's got a killer slogan.
I would love to see you in an advertising execution, like an IJ thing, where you get a job as an advertising exec and then just bust out the cornea shit like that.
You use the word it three times.
Are you rhyming it?
I'm trying.
It's got the it factor.
You can't deny that.
Don't even try it.
Do you think
Q mentioned, we talked about the wedding last week, and during it, Q mentioned that I owe him a trip to Vegas
because of our bet
on VHS.
Now, just recently, Q, I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but Tell them Steve Dave Patreon came out with a VHS tape.
Does that not count?
No, it doesn't.
You know, it doesn't count.
It was being manufactured as it was at the time.
I said it's always going to be specialty shit going around.
I don't think I should have to pay for my lack of vision.
Oh, man.
I did have this question for you.
It's so skelly that you haven't paid for my Vegas trip yet.
I would.
I mean, right now it's looking not too great because of COVID.
But as soon as COVID goes away, you and I were going.
I want that trip.
We're going.
Oh, I think it'll be really fun.
Yeah.
It'll be worth the money.
Weren't you going to take Giddam?
No, I was going to take Giddem.
No, all three of us were going to go.
This would have been not this past May, the May before we were going to go, and then Giddem bailed.
Yeah.
Little puss.
He won't, he bails.
He just, he'll never do anything, huh?
Yeah, I just don't think the man has that kind of like
he's not built to just take off and do something that kind of like out of the ordinary.
I think he just freezes and he doesn't want no part of it.
He says he, I'm sure he'll disagree with me, but everything I've seen from him tells me that like he just would be
nervous and he would just find a million excuses why he can't go.
Yeah, that's unfortunate, man.
Yeah.
He said he would be, he gets nervous?
He doesn't see, like, I've seen him in public situations.
He's not nervous at all.
Usually he's drunk.
I just think
he would find a million things
to give why he can't go.
It's just the way he is.
He finds a million reasons why he doesn't have his own place right now.
Yeah, that's crazy.
So, I mean,
that's just the way he is.
I had a way for him to not have to work so he could come to the wedding.
He didn't come.
He would have rather worked.
He's a weird guy.
It's weird, but I still like him, but he's a weird guy.
He has his eccentricities as well.
Yeah, he's not going to change them.
But he's shown up to things.
He came to the beer opening party.
Oh, that's a gimme.
But I guess he came to
the premiere, like the movie premiere and stuff.
He's been,
I've seen him out there in the wild.
I wonder why.
But I think because they don't call for him to be like, he'll use the, oh, I can't get anybody to cover for me walking horses.
I can't get a ride.
A ride sometimes with him, too.
Yeah, and he also came to the IJM Madison Square Garden show.
Yeah, like he shows up.
Maybe because he doesn't like me.
Those are like three-hour windows that don't don't really affect him.
Like a week in Vegas.
Yeah.
Yeah, he would be paralyzed by.
He'd be thinking of the horses, thinking of shit at home.
Everything.
Everything and anything he'd be thinking of.
I was wondering, Walt, see where your loyalties are because you've known me a very long time, yet you are an extremely moral person, I think.
I think that's overrated.
I think that's blown out of proportion.
Oh, yeah, you're doing some immoral shit.
Why am I not in on it?
No, I mean, you you know, but like, like, I'm like this fucking goody two shoes or something.
I don't think you're a goodie two shoes, but
how do you show your bad boy?
How do I show my bad boy?
What kind of guy flashing me the lights?
I was in the fast lane, and he wanted me to move over.
I didn't move over.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that's just being an asshole.
That's not being a bad boy.
I hate guys like you.
I hate them.
I'm like, why won't this fucking asshole just get over?
It's okay if you want to go slow.
Just go in the right lane.
It's like I said to Mary Beth, I go, today, on the way here, I go, I will never get used to it i'll never get used to it oh my god it drives me fucking crazy all right all right that's a bad boy
what's your moral question
so so mary beth comes to you you know like after a year uh we've been married a year right she thinks that i maybe i've been stepping out on her
she's like the next time he does tell him steve dave Can you sniff him and see if you smell like perfume or another woman on him?
She's serious.
She's crying like she was at the wedding.
All broken up.
Oh, seriously.
I would tell her to talk to Q.
She's like, Q, isn't a super smeller?
Yeah.
Oh, she's going to go.
Oh, she's going to be small.
Yeah, that's why.
Yeah, she's using your superpowers.
Yeah, she's appealing to my superior nose.
My superpowers.
I would say
you do realize, though, that like
women
having a scent though on him would not be a proof of any wrongdoing, though.
I mean, he could have been hugging his mother.
We both know that it's not going to happen.
She's like, you know something, don't you?
I mean, the only other person I've seen, like Hannibal, like Hannibal's the guy who can like, and then he's like, you know, you're wearing this perfume, but she thinks maybe you can do it.
What advice would you give her then?
So you so you're you knew what you got into.
Right now, your only suspicions are that you smell a perfumey smell when he's around.
I thought I smelled some perfume on him the other day.
Maybe he went through the mall and somebody just sprayed him, you know, like how those, you know, those, those that you get accosted by
the wall ladies when they squirt you with perfume.
I really don't think he'd be dumb enough to not wash off the perfume if he was doing something.
He's a really good liar.
Yeah, he lies like you would never be able to tell him.
He would never be so foolish and
such a novice to come into the house smelling like perfume.
In fact, I'd worried what he's trying to cover with a cheating angle.
Whatever he's doing is much worse than cheating.
Spraying perfume on himself.
That's a good point.
Do you agree with that?
Do you agree that
it was just someone in the mall?
Not that it was so.
Yeah, here, come up to the the mic.
What would your suspicion be if you smelled perfume on me?
I don't know, but I know if someone sprayed perfume on you at the mall, I would hear about it.
Like, I wouldn't be home if I was like, stupid bitch.
Yes, I would be like, I guarantee you that somebody fucking, some, some, some dude that he admires or he told him that, like, I got this great body spray, and, you know, or this cologne, and uh, he, and then
he
kind of like, um, what's it called when
you suggest it or you say it's a great body spray?
I would say even that.
Maybe.
He like recommends it.
But it was very femme, though.
No.
It's kind of femme, but.
No, no.
I think if Q recommended a scent, I might, you know.
Even if it was flowery, I think Bry was still.
Even if he was like, whoa, it does smell like
fucking old lady perfume.
You're like, well, I mean, I trust Q's opinion on anything, on everything.
I smell like my grandmother's face powder and shit.
Yeah, what would you think then?
You smell the perfume.
Like, maybe I just bumped in with somebody?
Like, I'm not, yeah, you're right.
Like, if you smell different, like, I would look, I would look around the house to see if we had anything.
Yeah, like, maybe Sage sprayed me.
Sage was wearing perfume.
She'd fucking smash it up.
She stinks.
Yeah, she'll put it on.
So when she does her makeup, she looks like.
She puts on something.
Did you ever see Wild at Heart?
I know.
Okay.
There's a scene where Grace Abrisky looks all fucked up, like with this makeup on.
That's how Sage looks.
She looks like she'll do her eyebrows.
Yeah, kind of like real dark.
She's purple.
Because her sister puts on makeup.
I was like, you look like a drag queen.
Like, you don't look like the sister.
Yeah, the sister, not Sage.
So, like, that's where Sage gets her influence from with the makeup and shit.
I mean, yeah, why?
This is a strange from out of left field
question.
Yeah, it better be.
It's an old one, though.
It's an old one.
Because I write stuff down, like, you know, in my notes and stuff, and it's just
one of those things that I'm like, oh, here's a conversation thing.
I don't like anybody picking out his scent but me.
Yeah, I had to get rid of my fucking scent.
You believe this shit?
You had a scent?
I had a scent for years.
Oh, yeah.
What was it?
It was the.
Remember,
we, no, yeah, it was Brute.
Christopher.
No, it was.
Remember, it was Victoria's Secret Sexy, and you guys fucking mocked me relentlessly for it.
Although, despite you guys, like anytime I went to a con, right, people would be, women would be like, oh my God, you smell so good.
They don't say that anymore.
Because you can't use it anymore.
That's not true.
I had to throw it away.
That's not true.
And I did not make you throw it away.
You threw it away, and I picked it out of the garbage like four times because you should use it.
Why the fuck would I use it when she's like, I don't like it.
I don't want you to use it.
No, I didn't say that.
So I don't want you to use that scent.
No, that's not what I I said.
Are you afraid that the scent was too
unleashing pheromones?
No, I feel like it's like, why the fuck is he in Victoria's Secret picking out perfume?
Like, why would he be in
Victoria's Secret?
Because I read about it.
That's different.
That's a different story.
I can't go into Victoria's Secrets.
You thought your wildest dreams that this would be Brian Johnson's lot when he can't wear the scent he wants to wear?
Can you believe this shit?
I can't go in Victoria's Secrets.
Can't even go online, daughter.
I can't go online.
I I can't go in the store.
This is amazing and fucking awesome.
Turnaround.
Well, the second he said he'd get married, I knew this was coming.
I feel like she listened too closely to Bob Barker and fucking neutered me.
Tell him, Steve Dave.
