#434: Are You My Mother?

Q showed up when Walt was thirty, and then Walt acknowledged him as a friend when he was fifty.

Coming over like a cancer joke?

No, you've got a face right there.

You never watch Born with Your Mom?

We have the Impractical Jokers movie premieres this Friday, February 21st.

Please go.

Please, I'm begging you, go see it.

Tell him Steve Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

I am here with Walt.

I am here with Q.

And I am here with a guest.

We do not normally have guests here.

No.

Almost never.

No, not anymore.

We used to have more, but we just kind of got out of it.

Once in a while.

Yeah.

But tonight we have a guest that I feel like you should introduce.

This to me is the biggest guest we'll ever have on the show.

Watershed moment, you'd say?

say?

Without a doubt,

my favorite guest we'll ever have.

We've had some doozies.

We've had some doozies.

We've had some people that I've really looked up to and really admired, but this person

I love in a way that I could never love another human being on the entire planet.

Now everyone's like, but Giddam's been on the show before.

I know.

I know.

And it's not Giddem.

I know people heard about me hugging Giddam and crying together on his lawn and thought that that might turn a new page for us.

But I've started ignoring his text now as I have before.

Right.

Pre-burn.

Well, you just learn what he's doing with his after-burn life, and you're like, I don't want any part of this nonsense.

He's so stupid.

So not Giddem.

Not Giddam.

But we have Carol Quinn,

my mother.

Whoa, look at this.

This is something, right, Walt?

This is a get.

This is what I see in the podcast.

First parent to be on.

Unless, like, I was yelling at them, and you could hear them in the background because I yelled at my mom once during a commercial.

My mother is in town for,

she wasn't originally supposed to be on Walt.

My mother was in town for, we have the Impractical Jokers movie premieres this Friday, February 21st.

Please go see it.

Yes.

Please, I'm begging you to go see it.

But the premiere is tomorrow night, and my mom's in town for that.

And she said something in the car today that I was like, ugh.

I have to call the guys and see if they're able to record tonight.

And that was, Ma, do you remember what I'm talking about?

Yes, I do.

So I'll throw it to you.

So I said, Walt, to my mother,

something along the lines of like, well, you know, blah, blah, blah.

You got to tell people to go see the movie.

Kind of a tongue-in-cheek thing.

I wasn't really relying on her for marketing.

And her answer was, what'd you say, Ma?

Well, I said, what can I say?

I'm going to tell everybody how fantastic the movie is and they have to go see it, especially if they're fans of Impractical Jokers, which I'm one of their biggest fans.

But I really haven't seen the movie yet, so I don't know what to say about it.

I'm assuming it's gonna be great.

So, you won't tell people to go see your son's movie until you have confirmation that you like it.

Well, here's the thing: there's a surprise guest in that movie, too, and I'm a little nervous about that one.

That's right, my mother's in the movie, yeah.

So, it's your movie, too.

It is my movie, too.

And you're still not watching it.

Yeah, I don't know.

Your integrity is so high that you won't even tell people to go see you.

Your movie is so good.

I am going to say you should go, especially if you're a fan.

But you can't.

But you don't stand by it.

Of course I stand by it.

I know it's going to be great, but I can't see it.

You can't be 100% sure.

I didn't see it.

You don't want to be too closely aligned to it in case it's a turkey.

Like if it comes out, you want to be able to distance yourself a little bit from it.

If it comes out and it stinks.

But I can't distance myself.

I wish I could, but I can't because I'm in it.

I'm in it.

Yeah, but you could be like, oh, I didn't know what the rest of the movie was like.

They just shot that one bit with me.

And,

man, you could be like, I never saw a script.

I did never see it.

I never saw a script.

Well, there really was no script.

Well, I know.

But yeah.

But, you know, if you're going to see this movie, wait and see what they had me do.

And then you'll understand.

I think.

you have to go see it just to find out what's going on.

Well, we could talk about that

part.

Can we?

I already talked about it on Jimmy Kimmel.

Oh, okay.

Did you hear that?

Yes, I did.

Did you hear me say your name on Jimmy Kimmel and talk about how you were in a porn movie?

Yes, but I don't think it's a full porn movie.

I think it's just a little bit on that side.

Softcore, as they say.

Softcore, yes.

So what happened?

Well, look at Walt's face.

He's disturbed.

He's upset.

You never watch porn with your mom?

So what happened, Walt, is

on a day off, you know, we didn't have a lot of days off here in the movie.

But on a day off, James Murray flew to the Poconos, Pennsylvania, where my parents live.

And they shot my mom and my dad.

It's just fucking crazy.

It's hysterical.

Excuse my language, bro.

It's crazy where my dad knocks on the door and he's wearing a hat that says Pool Boy on it.

And he's like, I heard, what is it?

Or the plumber.

He was wearing a hat.

There were three different ones.

Well, there were three different sketches, or maybe four, and I don't know what they decided to use.

So, my mom opens the door, and it's my dad wearing a shirt that a jack hat that says plumber on.

He's wearing a wrench, and he goes, I hear your pipes need cleaning.

And then it goes into like a tongue-in-cheek kind of fake porn thing.

But I didn't know they did it.

And then in the movie, I'm supposed to be showing, you know, in the presentation bits where we show one thing and another thing pops up.

So that comes up, and then that comes up.

And

I didn't know they did it.

So my reaction to seeing my parents in even a tongue-in-cheek born movie is

happens throughout the movie.

Well, I want to see that

expression on your face.

I can't wait to see that.

I saw that bit.

I watched some of the movie and I did see your bit.

It's really good.

It actually is funny.

I'm not just saying it.

Is it one of the high points in the movie?

I'm a little bit nervous about it.

I'm known for my integrity.

Yeah, so.

I thought you guys did a good job, the both of you.

Like, your dad's pretty, I mean, he's your dad.

He's deadpen.

Yeah.

he's put it mildly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, he got into it.

He got into it.

And then they make fun of me throughout it and stuff like that.

In the movie?

My parents, yeah.

Yeah.

In the porn movie.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But we had James directing us, and I'm going out at one point.

I put my hands on my face and he says, I think this is enough.

I says, we're done.

I just, I, I, she called cut.

Not doing anymore.

She went to a trip.

It was a little bit embarrassing.

Yeah.

Wow.

One of these

temperamental stars you had to deal with, huh?

I didn't have to deal with it.

I didn't know.

He didn't know.

He didn't know that they were coming.

So the movies in R rate a movie?

PG-13.

Really?

Even with the one with the word porn in it?

Here's a little tidbit for you, Walt.

The original rating from the MPAA

rated R.

Really?

You guys had to make changes, huh?

We had to make changes, yeah.

Wow.

We fought them on some changes and we lost everyone.

You should have hired Dershowitz like Kev did.

Yeah, why don't you guys pour millions into the legal budget?

In two weeks.

Yeah, so it is PG-13, but that does mean that there's a...

They cut out one of my favorite jokes of the entire movie.

So it was given an R based on jokes.

Jokes.

There's no...

Well, was it language?

How to be language?

No, not really.

It's not really.

Because it's like the hidden camera thing.

We could bleep them.

Because in hidden camera, it's not like a narrative.

So if we bleep it, people know what we're saying.

It's not distracting.

Exactly.

It was like just jokes.

But how do they, I don't understand.

How do they, how does the NPA not let you, not allow you a joke?

I had a line where, where at one point, Sal and I ripping on each other, and it was, it's all, you know, made up as we're going or everything.

And he's making fun of what I'm wearing.

And I go, you?

I go, look at your shirt.

He's wearing a Hawaii shirt.

I go, you look like Tom Sellers climaxed all over your shirt.

I was like, that, I was like, that's it.

And it was, they, they said that that's too sexual.

That's rated R.

And I was like, what are you talking about?

I was like, wow.

I say climax.

I'm like, I don't even say this.

that.

Right.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

So it was like little snips like that here and there that had to get cut out.

I had a bunch of fucking, like, who is the NPA?

Who are they?

There's this arbitrary group of people who are like, here's what you can and can't.

Yeah.

And I called Adam Green,

you know, who directed the Hatchet movies in Frozen and Victor Crowley direct.

And I asked him for his advice, and his advice was basically like,

just give up.

He goes, because they're not, he's like, they're not going to change.

And we fought and we didn't win a single fight.

And they don't have to.

They don't have to.

That's That's the thing.

They don't have to.

No, not at all.

You're relying on their benevolence, which I can't imagine they have.

There is nothing.

They care nothing for America's jokers.

Does this bug you that your boy's trying to exist in a climate that's like Soviet-era Russia?

Does it bug me?

Yeah, all this censorship.

Should he be able to say his Tom Selleck joke without fear of...

Well, here's the thing.

I'm not on anybody's side.

But if they wish.

I'm not.

But if they want to keep it,

what is it, GP?

That's interesting.

GP?

PG-13.

All right, PG-13.

If they want to keep it PG-13, and I'm sure that's what you want to do because a lot of your fans are

children and young adults.

Okay.

So you want to keep it that way.

And if they're saying, okay, this is R because of this, and you want to keep that rating, you have to do what they say.

How far do you let them go, though?

How far can you bend before you snap?

Because I have the answer if you want it.

Well, what is your answer?

Because I wouldn't know.

Usually it's one question, and then I fly into a rage and confront anyone who's trying to tell me not to do something.

It's a different type of snapping.

Right.

He's talking about.

Yeah, it involves legality, but you know, not that kind.

So the movie comes out this Friday.

This Friday for me.

We're all excited about it.

Have you ever been to a movie premiere before?

No, this is my first time.

Daniel, you're going to be a guest of honor.

Well,

she's mom.

She's one of the stars.

Yeah, you're in it.

She has.

It's all about him.

One of the top three best jokes of the movie.

What are you referring to?

It's all about him.

Are you referring to just the movie or in general?

No, like growing up and stuff.

No, it wasn't all about him growing up.

No, not at all.

I have two other sons.

It was about all three of them.

Did that just start when he got famous?

I'm completely out of touch.

When did it become all about him?

It never became all about him.

Maybe he thinks it does.

He's a pretty grounded guy.

In his life, it's about him.

Tomorrow night is about him

and

his friends.

Do you wander around that retirement community you live in, bragging about your accountant son, do you?

Yeah.

Hey, I know how that feels.

Do you?

Yeah, I know how that feels.

Hey, wait, remember we were sitting around on the cruise last year, and she was going on and on about some dude in the military.

Remember?

She was like, oh, so-and-so's son

was a war hero, and you got annoyed by that.

Something like that.

Yeah.

No, not what you seriously.

We were in the Haven, and you were going on and on about some guy who was in the Army and did something.

Seen the platoon.

No, it was really not even that impressive.

Compared to having your honor.

Oh, that's a little improved.

No, that's what I was laughing about.

First of all, I wasn't really upset.

I was laughing about it.

But she was going on about some guy who peeled potatoes in the army like in Minnesota before you peeled that.

Do you remember this conversation?

And I go, You're on my boat.

I was like, This is my boat.

I was like, I got to listen to this guy.

Oh, you got a boat?

No, the cruise.

The cruise.

Oh, the cruise.

Yeah, he bought the pearl.

She's still not pressed.

Talking about the cruise, I mean, this was one of the best cruises ever.

Yeah.

It was great.

It was so much fun.

Yeah, from the minute I got on to the minute I got off.

It was wonderful.

Last couple crews.

Thank you for that.

I don't mean to use

a pun, but the waters were a little rough at first with me and your mom after that first Space Monkey show.

Oh, man, that was your fault.

It was your fault for going to the show.

I was going to say what I was going to say.

That was happening regardless.

No, no, no.

I think your feelings got hurt there, Brian.

You think my feelings got hurt?

I think your feelings got hurt.

Well, of course, I don't want you.

I don't really have feelings, but I didn't want you to be mad at me.

What?

I didn't want you to be mad at me.

I wasn't mad at me.

For something I didn't, right?

Well, you got upset.

You stormed out.

You were

covering graphic descriptions of the jokers having a lot of people.

Actually, actually,

what made me storm out was not so much what you said.

Oh, who was it?

Was my son said something I didn't like at all.

Oh, what did I say?

So this whole time I thought it was all me.

Did you want me to go through that?

Of course, yeah.

What are you talking about?

That's all we do.

Look at everybody's eyes lighting up.

Well, okay, here's the thing.

Can you clean it up?

You know what?

GG 13.

I thought it was very, very

in poor taste.

I don't remember the whole thing.

It was something about being on a ship, but this part I remember.

Okay, it was about...

This is what made you show him that.

Well, it was one of the things, and it was the straw, okay?

You were talking about.

Yeah.

A kid with cancer.

Yes.

And you said, so this kid with cancer died.

Wouldn't it be great if we put him in a coffin and just shoved him out to sea?

Yeah.

And that I thought was

that I thought was the most horrible thing you could ever say.

Well, I remember.

What do you mean, what?

And you're looking at me like that's not a bad, that's a good thing to say.

What about all these people who do have cancer?

And they heard something like that.

My God, it was horrible.

Burial at sea is a very nice funeral.

That's like a Viking funeral.

Yeah.

I'm not talking about the burial.

To you,

you were joking.

You was just joking the whole thing.

I don't know.

Well, you got got i didn't like it i didn't like it so it's not for everyone so i did get up he's got to be edgy i don't know he's got if he's if he's going to do anything he's got to he's got to walk that line between horrible bad taste and he can be somewhat funny well i i didn't i did

kind of funny

i i didn't like baseline funny so i did get up

i did get up and and i walked out because it was not for me and you okay you brought my father in tow didn't you grabbed him and made him come with you well i think he was ready to go also.

So cancer then got him?

This whole time, I thought it was just me.

I didn't know that

you were a part of it.

Because after that, we made up and we spent time on every cruise together.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

But now, here's the thing.

This is why I thought we had these hard feelings.

And I'm glad it's coming out because I thought you were mad at me for walking out.

And

I have.

See how many people have walked out?

Well, wait a minute.

I told someone.

Relatives.

I'm not telling you who I told, but I told someone.

I says, between you and me.

You've got to tell us who you told.

No, no way.

Why?

No way.

Off the record, you could tell us.

No, not telling you.

Too much integrity.

I said, between you and me, don't tell my son that I walked out.

Right?

Let me do it.

It wasn't even you.

I said, just don't tell my son that I walked out.

The next day, I come backstage for something, and you're the one who said, oh, I heard you walked down.

I go, well, how did he find out that I walked out?

I had no idea.

Everybody Everybody in the cruise knows who you are.

Well, anyway.

So then, when you got up and walked out, the word's going to get back to you.

And you said to me, I guess I can't hang out with your son, Brian, anymore.

And I said, no, I guess not.

Victim, playing the victim card, yeah.

And that was it.

Sure, steal the results.

I don't really see you that often, but on the next cruise.

I know.

We got together.

And the next cruise were.

So

don't tell me the hard feelings were on my side.

I didn't have any hard feelings.

I thought you were going to be a bitch.

I would never get mad at you if you're like, this is too much.

I agree, it is too much, but these are things I need to say.

Do you remember the cancer kid joke?

Yes.

What happened was

I was asking Sal,

you have options.

You do these different things.

And I said, you know, you have to go on a children's hospice cruise.

Yeah.

And, you know, they go out.

And then when they came back and see the parents at the port who are hopefully waiting, and they're like, no, just shake their head like, no, your kid didn't make it.

And then you were like, why couldn't you just put him in a coffin and like set him afloat in the middle of the sea?

Like, why do you got to bring him all the way back?

Right.

That's an issue?

Yeah, I just didn't like it.

A little dark

brutish to walk out on that dark.

Which side are you on anyway?

He's finally on your side, dude.

I mean, like, I would have walked that way, yeah.

Trust me, my walk is on your side.

Well, anyway, that was the that was that story.

Yeah.

And I haven't been to one since.

It's probably for the best.

For the best.

You know.

Well, I don't think I have been to one since.

So were you on the last cruise?

I was.

You didn't attend the Space Monkeys jokes?

I did not because.

You thought there'd be more cancer kid jokes?

No, no.

They do it at 12 o'clock at night.

My bedtime's at 8.30 at night.

So, yeah.

You've got as many different cancer jokes as there are different cancers.

I'll tell you one thing.

Your brother was on.

Jimmy?

Danny.

Danny.

He was on the cruise last year.

My younger brother.

And he went

to see the show.

and uh he came back and he says it was the best show on the cruise they laughed hysterically he goes it was really funny yeah so i said it was

it's it's it is uh kind of a specific audience not for everyone well carol quinn is uh known for let's say we go tell my secret back-handed compliments oh yeah yeah yeah those are the ones she delivers All right.

Yeah, yeah.

It's good.

What's it like watching this?

Because I know

I practically raised your son with you.

I mean, I've known this kid since he was, what, 20, 19, 20?

Yeah.

Yeah.

18, so young.

Well, you had a big influence on him, I think, and some of it very well.

Very good.

Some of it, not so great.

Some of it.

Some of it, no, I have to.

Well, we'll be talking about the bad part, but now we'll talk about the good part.

Some of it.

Some of it, I think you got him through some pretty rough times.

Some relationship stuff, maybe.

I don't know, but you know, I'm not getting it.

I love it.

But I think

he did.

Well, yeah, I always.

You gotta have some stuff.

I always say there were four people who saved my life

in my 20s, and it's Brian Johnson, it's Stacey Vitella, it's Salvo Cano, and Scott Mosher.

Without those four people,

it would have been a rough one.

It would have been rough.

Yeah.

I only had Q on one cell guy famous.

What's up?

You're kicking in the 30s.

Okay, good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

My mom's got me.

Just me, all those other.

The other four are forgotten in the internet.

I'm the one who messed him up for the first

year 20.

And he made me do all this hard work in his 30s.

Thank you.

Thank you, Carol.

It takes a village.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, Q showed up when Walt was 30, and then Walt acknowledged him as a friend when he was 50.

It's tough not to crack this one.

I've been at it since fifth grade.

Well, let's hear about the good stuff, though, you were going to talk about.

I think that was it.

Oh, that was it.

That was it.

Yeah, yeah.

I get it.

Like Q,

it wasn't one-sided.

Anytime I needed to call someone, this was the guy.

If I were upset,

until this day, if I'm making a call to someone where I'm like, I need their advice, Q's the guy.

That's good.

And vice versa.

You need somebody in your life with that.

So that's good.

Yeah.

He's one of these people.

It's like, life without Q in it to me is just like,

you can't conceive of it.

Well, let's go.

Let's hope everybody at the movie theaters think so this weekend.

They need more cue.

Yeah.

Let's hope.

Yeah.

They need more cue.

If the movie flops, if it's a Heaven's Gate,

it's a level failure.

Ishtar type.

Yeah.

It is like, it is basically the end of my career.

And people like see me in the street.

They spit at me.

It does so bad.

How are you handling this in the the villages?

In your now, do people, this is an interesting question.

This is a good question.

Is everyone around, you know, are they aware that this is cue of

where are these villages?

Oh, it's in Florida.

Oh, it's a good idea.

It's a retirement community.

It's a retirement community involved.

It's almost the entire state at this point.

It's like Outbreak in the middle.

It's great.

Well, I love it there.

You would love it.

Yeah, it's great.

Yeah, I would like to live in a retirement community.

Everybody drives around in golf carts.

Sounds like heaven.

I think that's what heaven will probably be like.

Golf carts?

Yeah.

Living in a big retirement community.

That's what it is, like heaven's waiting rooms in a retirement community.

It's a resort community.

If you're on vacation, that's where you would go.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's talking.

Oh, I'm sorry.

If you were on vacation, that's where you would definitely go.

Are there any, within the community, are there any like

upstarts like the younger ones that are like a little bit boisterous?

Are there people where you're like, hey, man, you can't do this stuff?

Bring it on.

Not at all.

No, everybody's real cool.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think they're the nicest people in the world.

Huh.

Yeah.

They're really good, good people.

And, you know.

You didn't feel that way when you lived in Staten Island?

Staten Island.

You know, Staten Island had good people,

really nice people, but Staten Island, I didn't start living in Staten Island.

Right.

Because it was a work thing.

You know, you got up in the morning, you went to work, you came home, went to bed, got up in the morning went to work it it

your family wall tech sounds like heaven it's just no it's

chicken fingers yeah

yeah i was always tired now

do you find it uh difficult filling up the hours being retired oh heck no no no first when i when i first retired i was afraid that that was going to happen i had to browbeat her into retirement i didn't

because that's all i knew getting

to work and you know have the full day at work and come home and whatever and a couple of nice things on the the weekends here and there.

But it was no good.

You were miserable at the end.

Remember, I would be like, Mom,

I was miserable, but that's all I knew.

That's all I knew, you know.

And

it was the best thing ever.

As soon as you can retire, retire.

Have fun.

Wonderful.

What are you doing, Walt?

You moving?

Villages type situation?

Somewhere a little bit warmer.

I don't know.

I would have to make sure that

there was nobody here that needed me

before I could leave.

It'd have to be

like Johnson.

Yeah,

I'd be safe in the knowledge that my girls didn't need me and my wife here in Jersey if they're in Jersey.

How old are you girls?

Uh, 21 and 17.

Which sounds close to old enough, but you gotta remember.

I went to the middle of the middle.

He's 43, so they're not ready yet.

He's probably gonna have to hang on.

We don't want them to leave, though.

We're gonna hold on to them

until

social services takes them from us yeah like spinsters and

we're not gonna let them leave it'll it'll probably be messy

old mage

yeah they need you still definitely but yeah how many times did you come back brian oh quite a few times my nickname at home was boomerang

uh i came back until i came back a couple of times until i was 28 and then that was it once i got in the fire department that yeah that was it yeah

Have you seen anything change in Q?

Like since pre-fame to fame?

I think he's happier.

I think he's happy.

I would hope so.

Yeah, definitely.

Just a little.

You mean money and fame?

Does it?

That was all bullshit, huh?

I can't buy a house.

It is complete bullshit.

You can.

And if you're miserable, you're a lot more comfortable while you're miserable.

You know what it is?

He likes doing what he's doing.

And he had a rough time finding something that he liked to do.

Oh, I liked the fire department.

Well, this was before the fire department.

Oh, yeah.

Did you worry about

Q.

Did you worry about?

I don't think I ever really call him Brian.

Did you worry about Brian when he was in the fire department?

No, I didn't worry about him.

His cancer is what you worried about.

That's what you always say to me.

With the fire department.

Back to cancer.

Oh, okay.

You'd always be like, oh, I don't like you breathing those fumes.

I don't like the

breathing those fumes.

Well, you know, being in a fireman is a tough job.

I mean, they make it sound like, and it is

one of the best jobs.

They make it sound like fun because there's such a

brotherhood between the men and, I guess, some of the women.

I don't even know if there's any women in there.

There are, there are.

There are.

But

they love it.

But it's a very dangerous job.

And you're going into, and a lot of times it's not just the fire.

It's everything that you're breathing in and all those chemicals and things that they put in the houses to build them.

And if I died of cancer, though, they would just shoot me out to sea.

That's why I value out of the

fine with it.

I don't think so.

Yeah, so yeah, I do worry.

I did worry about that, and I do worry about it.

You know, I have uh you don't have to worry now, though, right?

I mean, what's like you can get a raspberry falling off of a three-wheeler, you know.

But I mean, you really don't have to worry about him getting any real danger being a joker, right?

Well, what do I worry about?

Yeah, I always

all the money in the world.

I always worry about something.

I always find something to worry about.

And this job, he says, is there something you worry about?

And I says, yes, there is.

I don't like you going on the planes all the time.

I says, I'm afraid the plane is going to crash.

She goes, what can I do?

It's not going to worry you.

Have you heard of the bubble system?

We just talked about it on the Space Monkey show.

My mother's wicked.

Whenever I go somewhere, she says she puts a protective bubble around me.

And I'm still here, so you can't disprove that it doesn't work, right?

Well, no, no, I can't.

Right?

No.

His mother worships Satan.

How do you feel about that?

She does not.

Isn't that what Wiccans do?

Well, it's not really technically Satan.

It's a demon, but it's not really Satan.

It's just

Pazuzu, the same demon in the other side.

She's a Wiccan.

She's Wiccan, yeah.

She says she is.

She doesn't abide by any of the Wiccan shit.

She's the most conspicuous consumer you've ever seen in your life.

I never saw her hug a tree once.

But her magic works, though.

You cannot deny her magic works, man.

Yeah.

Well, isn't this supposed to be

what they say?

Some is good white magic.

That's what she says.

But she seems to like all the evil witches.

You know, Wizard of Oz, Maleficent, like all these.

She doesn't know that.

I don't think anyone's told her.

She thinks the Wizard of Oz is a documentary.

Yeah.

She's like, it looks a lot like that other guy.

So, so this cruise you really liked.

What's your favorite part?

Like,

what do do you like the best about the cruise?

Of the cruise.

I just had such a good time this time.

I really don't know.

What do I like the best about the cruise?

I like

usually the last night when they all get out on the stage and they're all all hyped up.

Not this year.

There was somebody missing.

Yeah, my son was missing a little bit.

But I knew he was actually doing a tournament, a polka tournament down in the casino, and I knew that.

Yeah, but I got

you did get on stage

when the polka tournament finished.

Yes, and I caught shit for it.

For being late from the poker tournament?

No, no.

For not being up there.

My mother believes

that I was too drunk the last night of the cruise.

She disapproved.

I've heard it twice today.

Really?

Yes.

How drunk is too drunk?

Apparently, well, not able to get to the stage.

He was drunk.

He was just kind of, you know, swaying there, and he looked very tired.

His eyes looked very glad to me.

And

I thought he had a little too much to drink.

Well, I saw him in his room moments after that.

She's weren't that rough.

My argument was, Ma, like, if the last day of work when you're working on a cruise ship isn't the night to get

a little tooted up, a little, what do we say it?

What do you what do you call it?

Blottoed, blotted, yeah.

That's what you know.

Like, what night am I to do it?

You actually did it the responsible way, like straight for those first days and then blotted space moments, and not even that blottoed.

No, I didn't think

you didn't think so.

No, he didn't use the n-word, so I figured he wasn't that.

You know, I'm really drunk.

I saw dropping the end bomb everywhere.

No, um, now when I saw him, he went over like a cancer joke.

No, that face right there.

You could say that joke was just

my parents were not down.

You would think on Staten Island they might have had a little bit of that in it.

Yeah.

No, my father was always like,

he was always very.

Same with my father.

Come from a white trash upbringing, and you figure that's the way it would go, but like very.

And he was like, he wasn't a Black Panther or anything, but he was very ardently anti-racist.

It's, I think, because my dad worked

in Manhattan.

You grew up in Brooklyn, right?

You lived in Brooklyn until you were 19.

I did, but it was an Italian neighborhood.

Yeah.

Like Saturday Night Fever?

Very.

Was it like that?

I had a very sheltered shelter sheltered.

Well, it's not my hair.

Yeah, even living in Brooklyn, it was very sheltered.

Thank you.

Had to be in the house by 9 o'clock.

If I was standing on the street corner talking to friends, my mother would come down the block and say, inside.

At 19?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But they lived in like an enclave.

It's not like this anymore.

It's like, it's like they would, one Italian would buy a house and then like another Italian would build a house next door.

But they were all people from

the old country that knew each other already and it was a big neighbor.

It was family.

It was friends.

Little Italy?

Was that it or no?

It wasn't Little Italy.

It could have been Little Italy.

Little Italy, yes.

You would go for Sunday.

We would go every time.

Oh, but there was parties every night at someone's house every night.

All kinds of food and stuff.

Well, food.

And that's my point was this.

You'll find that he's drunk every night.

Yeah, well, he made his homemade wine, which was great.

Well, Q's got his got his Q's brews now.

He does.

He does.

He's not pounding them.

People are going to wonder.

Like, that's very good.

Yeah, I'm no different than grandpa.

I got to drink my own wine.

My mother was not too happy with grandpa sometimes.

See, my grandfather drank it.

He didn't make it.

He would drink it, and then you wouldn't see him for a couple days and come home and drink some more.

My grandfather used to make it and put it in these

unidentified bottles.

So it looked like grape juice.

So one time my brother Danny started drinking grape juice.

Oh man, though.

Oh yeah, he must have been about eight years old.

Gotta have it.

Well, that was probably my fault.

I'm sure it was my fault because I took the wine left over.

We were living on Staten Island.

And I just took the glass of wine and I put it on the top shelf in the refrigerator.

So there goes my son.

He decides he thinks it's grape juice or whatever he thinks it is.

And he drinks this whole glass of wine and it's strong the this wine is not weak wine it's a nice strong bold wine and he got so sick i mean i probably should have taken him to the hospital he was so white so white

yeah i could have been up on charges but

do you ever go back to the old neighborhood

Oh, sure.

Yeah, my brother lives too.

My brother still lives in that area.

Same house, right?

Around the the corner from where I used to live.

The house that I grew, well, yeah, the house that I grew up in, and he was born there, too.

And my oldest son was born there.

They knocked that down.

Yeah, it's not there anymore.

So

I wish it was a huge house.

It would have been a tourist spot, right?

I would have born in the world.

That you were born in?

Yeah.

I wish you guys had never sold that.

What a great building.

It was a three,

three, three, well, with the basement, three different apartments.

It's really was two apartments upstairs and downstairs.

It could have been a basement, but no.

I mean, it could have been a basement apartment, but it wasn't.

They sold it for like a million dollars.

That's probably worth it.

It probably would have been worth like 10 million then.

Probably.

Damn, man.

It could have been like the Trumps.

It would have been the Quinns.

Was it by the Barclays?

No.

No, because they sold all that property for big money.

No.

No, no.

It was just

two small lots in the middle of a block.

Small?

Well, it was beautiful, really.

Grandfather, because they were farmers from,

I don't know,

they were farmers from Italy.

Yeah, where are you from?

What part of it?

Oh, it was Chervinata, Provencia di Avellina.

It's a little tonight.

That's where Tony Soprano is from.

Avellina.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

Get out of here.

So it's about.

Is it coffee or real?

No, no such thing.

Of course, you say that.

Come on.

I'm sorry about Walt.

I'm sorry about that.

He's a rube.

Was that like a cancer joke?

I'm sorry.

Worse.

I didn't know.

We were stereotyping all these Italians, lumping them all in.

I mean, like the sopranos, is that something that would bug?

Like, is that something that's your Sunday gravity?

It would bother me.

No, it didn't bother me.

You know who it bothered?

I'll tell you who it bothered.

It bothered not even, well,

Brian, of course, two grandmothers.

My mom was fully Italian.

His mom, his other grandmother, my husband's mother, was all Italian also.

She used to love Frank Sinatra.

And when they would say something about Frank Sinatra, they would say, Oh, he's in the Italian mafia.

That's why he's got so big.

You mean the truth?

She would get so pissed and deny it, and she wouldn't even talk to the people anymore who said that.

And so she loved Frank Sinatra.

So, yeah.

But every pizza poll you're going to today, still pictures of Frank area.

I love him.

I'm still on the show.

I'm on his station all the time on serious ninth.

You can't take them down.

It's an unwritten rule.

Yeah.

So, Grandma Quinn would cut people out if they taught bad.

Yeah, smack about snow.

So you would say she had a vindictive streak a little bit.

Probably.

Yeah.

About him or anything to do Italian.

Yeah.

She used to heart proud.

Was she so vindictive that maybe she desecrated someone's grave after they had passed away?

I doubt that very much.

No, no, no, no.

No.

Is there anything that anybody can do that would make you urinate on their grave?

Urinate on.

No.

Or possibly if you've had a big meal.

Well, I was about to say sometimes I'm running.

Drive by the grave, but you know.

Can't make it home.

You happen to notice the headstone of a former enemy.

So

you wouldn't get into grave desecration.

No, I don't think so.

Why would I?

Have you told your mom that you have a hit list?

That I have a list of people whose grave I'm going to shit on?

No, I haven't told her.

Up until this moment.

Well, then because it feels good if you did that?

Oh, it's going to make me feel great.

He's been talking about it for years.

Years.

Oh, who's on the list?

I can't say who it is.

Only one other person on earth is.

His mother is fun.

No.

Oh, so you can't say it.

Does mom know who it is?

No, I have no idea.

Well, it's the first I've been hearing about it.

Oh, no, no.

No, I don't think so.

Oh, okay.

No, it happened in my 20s.

Would you try to talk him out of it?

You saw him getting in the car

with a pain look on his face, like he's been holding something in for a long time.

No, I wouldn't.

He's got a bottle of X-Lax.

It wouldn't bother me.

If it made me feel good, let him do it.

What do I care?

The guy's dead, or the woman is dead.

It doesn't matter.

His reputation.

You're like, if he gets caught, though,

he gets caught.

He's going to say, I have stomach cramps.

What do you want me to do?

I want to be finished.

I've been talking about it on this podcast for 10 years.

Yeah, but this doesn't get out to the real world.

If TMZ picks up that you got caught in a graveyard doing that, right?

Yeah, you're going to have a hard time overcoming that.

He doesn't care, man.

He's done by then.

Yeah, some Hollywood website.

Gossip site.

Wow, no.

I don't, yeah, I try to talk him out of it.

I don't think he should do that.

You don't think he should do that?

Let it go.

Forgive us, sketch.

He'd eat you up inside all that rage.

It's got to go somewhere.

May as well be on someone's grave, right?

Yeah, I mean, they're dead already.

What difference does it make?

None.

If it makes you feel better, they're dead.

It doesn't make a difference.

So you're advocating this.

You're not doing anything wrong.

She's practically a co-conspirator.

What?

That's like her boy.

That's her boy right there.

This motherfucker just got off a cruise, his cruise,

so that he could rush to New York to get to his movie premiere.

In her eyes, you see, he's doing it.

That's exactly what's going on here.

We should be boxing that up and selling it on the open market as far as she's concerned.

But we don't got it like that here at Telum Steve Dave, so we have to do commercials.

And if

I brought my wrong glasses,

if you want to weigh in, feel free.

Wait, wait, I'll tell you what.

Who's our biggest sponsor of all time?

That would be meundies.

After that,

Casper.

Casper.

I love Casper.

My mom, the Casper mattress that they sent me, Walt.

Yeah.

I never even had a shot of keeping that.

That is, that is my.

Yeah, that's at my house.

Yeah.

They are awesome.

They are great.

I love it.

I love it.

And I couldn't understand it.

You know, a mattress coming out of a box.

It's unbelievable.

It is.

You can watch it.

It's so comfortable.

I love it.

It's fun, right?

It's not crazy.

It's just like...

Wait, what's it called?

A gif?

Like it just popping out of the box, and then you can just re-watch it over and over.

Yeah, it's pretty.

There's got to be one somewhere.

But I'm guessing this isn't Casper, this one.

This is not Casper.

Okay.

No.

It's a little blue.

And you'll love the pun in a minute.

Remember the days when you were always ready to go?

Now you can increase your performance and get that extra confidence in bed.

You don't have to say it like that and then look at my mom in her eyes when you say that.

There are other ways

to do this commercial.

I was just doing the commercial.

This can only be more uncomfortable if you're doing it with Sage.

Well, if she bails out halfway through, that's the plan.

So Viagrama.

Little blue.

I think

that's what I'm saying.

But why is he again looking at me?

I've got to look at one of these two.

One on my son, Kanoa.

Finoiki.

Is that what they say they want?

So,

okay, so

go ahead.

Go ahead.

Okay.

So Viagrama was

prescription.

It still is.

But it was under, what's that?

With

patent.

The patent ran out.

So you have all these other companies.

Knockoffs.

But not Blue Chew.

Not Blue Chew.

You got a lot of knockoffs, and then you got Blue Chew.

Now, Ma, what they did is they took Viagra, okay?

And they, which you'll be having, no, I've never taken.

So you should see that.

You could be very proud of that.

Okay.

Would you be not proud if

you're a little disappointed?

I want to to know this?

I mean, it's just that you shouldn't feel like a sense of a lack of pride because you just got to use it.

I mean, people, for whatever reasons, you know, they're, you know.

And as awful as you feel about it, can you imagine your mom's disappointed in you too?

Oh, really, Stick.

That's why I have my medicine, Mom.

And why is she there noticing?

So we have this company called Blue Chew Mom, which has taken it and made it into a chewable form.

Right.

The first chewable with the same approved active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis.

Viagra is like the right away.

Cialis, I believe, is like, you know, it's good for a day and a half.

And you can take them anytime, day or night, day or night, even on a full stomach.

And so, you know, because who doesn't want to like really load up on a bunch of carbs and then go to town?

And since they're chewable, they work up to twice as fast so you can be ready whenever an opportunity arises.

We don't need stuff like this, you know, these very virile and masculine men at the table.

But there are some boys out there that, you know, they're going to benefit from this.

Blue chew is the fast and easy way to enhance your performance, and it's prescribed online by licensed physicians, so you don't have to go to the doctor's office or wait in line at the pharmacy, and it ships right to your door in a discrete package.

That way, you don't get shamed.

Like, you know,

if it shows up to your house and it has blue chew all over it, people are going to be like,

sitting

for Brian, and you saw a big package with big bold letters on it, Blue Chew.

Right, you thought he was having a Casper mattress, but it was really just a giant box

it's just it's just about 10 000 blue chew pills in a matching size box yeah and he doesn't need them you found out that he's selling them on the black market

that's really where all the money's coming from do you think you could take those blue chew tablets because what are they i've never i've never actually seen them yet they they they they're just they're just tiny little pills

almost yeah pretty much smaller than that could i take them and put them in water and and mix them up like a cocktail yeah and then drink it probably

would you want to do one or just a whole bunch because if you're having a party i just why would you want to savor it when you just want to gulp it and get through it but i mean what you're suggesting is an od really that's what you're talking about yeah yeah

you only want a certain amount because it's i think it's like a certain amount gets you where you need to be and anything beyond that is extraneous and potentially dangerous if you're in a

exercise box full of them cocktail right

we can't have you dine on a blue chew cocktail they'll cancel so fast

They're made in the USA.

That's big.

You see a lot of crap coming from China, Mexico, India, like with ingredients.

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That is...

That's a bargain.

That is a bargain, man.

That is a sweet deal.

Take that down to the villages.

Oh, my God.

They wouldn't.

If we made

posters with the little rips on the bottom

and put that around the villages on the bulletin boards and stuff,

I'm the crew.

Code T-E-S-D?

Right.

Why aren't we doing this?

Well, you're ready.

We can't dispense medication to strangers.

No, we're just advertising and saying use this code.

Well, you're

telling your mom to start handing out pills like

no.

You know how

like telephone poles it's like need a babysitter and then i'll have like the rips with the non-we'll just we'll have code tsd on the bottom and they rip it and they bring it and they bring it back to their their home yeah man up in order them yeah yep yeah they go online if they know how to use a computer i'm sure they do right they do facebook with the grandchildren all that

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Don't you think?

What's Young Q like?

Like a young Brian Q, was he a handful?

Was he a pleasure?

No.

Yeah, you had three boys.

That's got to be rough, right?

He was a pleasure.

And he always seemed to have his head on his shoulders straight.

There you go.

Yeah.

Yep.

Yep.

Well,

you know him later later on.

He was a kid.

You told me about him when he was a kid.

So head on straight as a kid.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Never got into any monkey shines.

No, no.

No.

He was a good kid.

Really, really?

Yeah, he was really good.

No problems.

Good parents, good family.

No problems at all.

So what do you say?

Just because I'm all fucked up, my family's not.

I don't know nothing about it.

I mean, that's what everyone else says.

You might as well join in.

So really?

I would have thought with Q there would have been some sort of.

You know, I used to have people that said,

said to me...

Your son's good kids.

No, I can't stand you because you have such good kids and you never have any problems.

Now, somebody actually said that to me once, and I think...

You never told me that?

Huh?

You never told me that.

Why would I?

It was very nice.

Why did you tell me that?

That's nice.

No, no, but here's the thing is.

It wasn't true.

I just made it up.

I didn't know what else to say.

No, because people think, you know, they're looking out, you know, how everything is so rosy all the time, and it's never, ever really that rosy.

And I was people telling me that, yeah, I don't like you because you have a good life.

Well, that's not nice.

Well, you see,

did you, did you agree with it?

Were you like, I see why you would envy me.

Well, you were like my other two boys, Jimmy and Danny, a real problem.

Yeah, they don't show a lot of promise.

No.

That's mean.

Well, they gave you grandkids.

They're exceptional.

I'm proud of all my family.

Those guys didn't get in trouble either.

I have a hard time believing that.

Jimmy was very

hyper when he was a little boy.

He always ran around all over the place.

You couldn't pin him down for five minutes straight.

He'd probably be diagnosed with something today.

Maybe.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then a little bit of at least

attention disorder or something, something.

Yeah.

But I didn't know.

I was I was

actually, I got married when I was 19.

I had my first son when I was 21.

So I had these three kids, and I felt I was a kid myself, but I didn't know.

You were.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I didn't really.

I made some mistakes.

Of course, I made mistakes with all my kids.

What would you say was like a mistake that you made?

Like looking back, you like with the wine and the

that was one of them.

Yeah, I didn't mean singular.

I mean, like, something that you're like, like,

if I were to look at the way my parents brought me up, I would hope that, probably not, but I would hope that they would look back and say, oh, we probably should have done this differently.

You know, like

maybe not waited until I got so angry and just attacked him in a fit of rage when he was nine and kicked the shit out of him.

You know, stuff like that.

I have no idea.

My parents don't have that.

Did you ever kick a kid in the back?

Well, no, but you know what?

When I was growing up, i got my fair share uh you got whooped oh yeah oh yeah and i don't but you seem like you were behaving yourself you're 19 you're running into oh i was good my my mom she was she was always worried her biggest fear was that i was going to get pregnant before i before i got married that was her biggest fear hardly seemed possible at 19.

well that's young right and and i always say i was a good kid and i was but that was probably about average but that was her fear that was her fear that you would get pregnant before you got married yeah she wouldn't even that a fear today?

Yeah,

I probably do.

Yeah.

Of course it is.

Of course it is.

But

she was so strict.

My father was so strict.

I was never allowed to go anywhere.

How was I going to ever get pregnant?

I wasn't allowed out.

Do you wish they weren't as strict?

I think

it was

in the end.

Was it probably for the best or no?

I think it was probably for the best because I don't regret growing up the way I did.

Walt's daughter's just got an earlier curfew.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I was engaged to my husband, and he.

I was about to say before your husband, I was about to say, no, no, no, no, no, no.

He lived in Staten Island, and I lived in Brooklyn.

And we were engaged to get married.

And his parents had a party at their house.

I don't remember what it was.

My husband didn't drive at the time.

He had a license, but he didn't have a car.

He didn't drive.

So we would take the train in and the ferry, you know, to Staten Island.

is he's older than you yeah he's five years older than me so we went to the party at his house it was getting late and he had to get take me back home so my then future mother-in-law called my mother up at night and said uh lucy she's she called the lucy my mother's name is actually lucia She said, can Carol stay over my house tonight?

I promise.

I'll put her in another room.

The whole family is here.

We want her to sleep here.

I don't want my son coming all the way to Brooklyn, dropping her off.

And what are you?

No, no, no, no.

She has to come home.

She has to come home.

So he had to take me all the way back to Brooklyn.

And she goes, he could stay here if he wants.

I said, okay, so, and that's what happened.

So even when I was engaged, I was not allowed to sleep out of the house.

So, yeah, that's the way it was.

How long were you engaged for?

A year.

A year.

Yeah, we got.

We got engaged October 10th.

We got married October 10th of the following year.

Would you do the same thing with your voice?

If they had...

What do you mean?

Like, would you be like, well, would you say, no, Brian, you have to come home from that party.

You cannot sleep over.

Oh, she definitely did.

He was like 27 at my house.

She's like, I got to go.

Actually, that was pretty much Kev when you think about it.

Were you that strict or you're less strict than your parents were?

No, I was less strict.

A lot strict.

A lot less strict, right?

Yeah.

Less strict, definitely.

Today, it's like, because I think about my childhood now, and I know you guys have the same exact experience.

It's like,

kids today just seem so hyper,

like

almost like they're in a cage.

Like, you can't, parents are tracking them.

They know where they are at all times.

Like, there were days where, like, I would leave the house and then I would come back at 10 o'clock at night, and you'd be like, How was everything?

You'd be on the couch watching TV.

You never worried if me and Keck were running around for five hours and you didn't hear from me in the neighborhood?

No, no, not really.

If you had a boy, if you had a gal, though, would you feel the same way?

I don't know.

I would assume yes, but I don't know because I never did.

You weren't worried with Cropsey Killer murdering kids and shit over by Willowbrook?

Yeah, you weren't afraid that Q would get locked up in Willowbrook.

I have a stupid look on his face in the corner.

Yeah, like real dopey.

Next thing you know, he's

in some sort of institution playing with his own faces.

You're trying to convince

the authorities that he's okay.

He's not.

He doesn't belong to Willowbrook.

You had to do it for crops, he got him, too.

Yeah, were you ever uh ashamed of him?

Like, did he ever do anything that you were ashamed about?

Ashamed of him, yeah, no, like, because I've done three things today if my parents knew about it.

Well, you know, questions I had to ask

the podcast, she's saying, Well,

well, no, well, here's the thing: I'm not ashamed of him, but I don't know everything that he did.

That's why you're not ashamed because I do.

You want to tell me?

Ignorance is definitely bliss.

It is so bliss.

Just like money can buy happiness, ignorance can buy happiness too.

Right.

You don't want to know certain things.

What's the use?

No.

Right?

So that was the only you never worried about him then?

No, I never would.

Head on the shoulders.

Now, what drew you to your husband?

I assume that Jimmy doesn't share the ADD thing with your husband.

Because a lot of times your husband, I'm not exactly sure if he's awake or not.

He is the most even-keeled, mild-mannered dude I've ever seen in my life.

Pretty legendary in his stoicness.

Yeah, Mary Beth said that she was last year she was walking through the cruise and like they ran into each other and he just kept walking.

He looks over.

He goes, hey.

But going back to Q, not worrying about Q, I think Q

is the most street-wise person I know.

He is like, he has a 148 IQ on the streets.

You used to no, I think you still do I think you're still so street savvy.

You're the most street savvy dude I know like I would want you

to like guide me if I was like on the streets are the streets paved with ivory like the tower

But between the three of us in New York City, yes.

Oh, you're like you're you're I would want you in control anywhere on the planet, whether it be

in the Grand Canyon or in the middle of Manhattan.

Sounds like.

Get that blue chip.

Yeah, really.

I'm serious.

Like, you're definitely the most wisest

and

just like

he's nobody's fool.

That's a compliment.

From where I come from.

New Jersey.

Yeah, and he's also wise, too.

Like the wisdom that like

he's grown into like the also the wisest person that I know, I think.

Wow.

I mean, that's seriously, without any sense of irony.

Very nice.

Get addicted to opiates for three years.

Suddenly, you're not wise anymore.

That'll do it.

Tell him, Steve.

Oh, well.

We got another ad.

We got to pay these bills.

Which one is it?

It is, what do we got here?

Yeah, we're almost done.

Oh, policy genius.

You probably need insurance.

You must have a huge life insurance policy on this guy, right?

Oh, I know I do.

The year 2020 shows up a lot in science fiction.

Oh, they love this.

A lot of people predicted that by now we'd be teleporting to work or living on Mars, and a lot of those predictions were wrong.

You grew up around that time in the 50s, where people are like 50s into the 60s.

It's like we're going to be living on the moon, this and that.

The 60s.

Well, I mean, of course, I was born in the 50s, but I did grow up in this.

that's the the age that you know which i was i was always incredible to me because like dad too like you guys were around

50s yeah but your father is an old soul and what i mean about and he's from a military family yes he is from a military family he's why i say he's an old soul i can't turn up sorry why i say he's an old soul is because he

even when we were listening to

to the Beatles and Rock and Aerosmith.

My mother had every reason to fear you were listening to those bands.

Listen.

I love them.

I love them.

Wow.

The lock tops.

Well, my husband was going with,

oh, who's the older?

The Andrew Sisters.

I'm telling you, he grew up in the wrong age.

Is that the shadow?

That's what he loved.

He went to go see Elvis in Mannson.

Yes, he did go see Elvis, but he also loved all the old songs, everything that grandpa loved, his old grandfather.

He loved all those old songs.

First date they went to a cow sills concert.

Now that I mention it, you know, dad's never mentioned any other listening to music ever, besides like Johnny Cash.

Cash and Willie Nelson.

Which I love, which I love them both as well.

But he was never like, yeah, man, we used to love

dope on the Credence Clearwater.

No, he was good.

Who was your Beatle?

Who was my Beatle?

Your go-to Beatles.

I think it was Paul.

Everybody was Paul.

Yeah, I think it was Paul.

Everybody wanted Paul.

That's a no-brainer, right?

Does it make you happy to know that I'm Paul's Paul McCartney's favorite person on the world?

I heard that.

I thought that was fantastic.

Does that make you, am I finally better than my brothers?

Or that military guy from last year?

I don't know who this military guy is.

I have no clue.

I love moments like that because it's like it happened a minute ago.

I just don't know who it is.

Is that the guy?

She doesn't understand, Brian.

Q can,

what's it called?

Facilitate a meeting with any celebrity on the planet.

Would it be Paul?

Oh, no.

It wouldn't be Paul?

No, as a celebrity?

Could be one of the comic book men if you wanted it to be.

Is it Mel Gibson?

Because you used to love Mel Gibson.

I did like Mel Gibson.

Not anymore.

Not anymore.

What happened to you?

What happened to Mel?

You gave up on Mel a few drinks and you forgot it.

You gave up on Melbourne.

He's awesome, Mel.

I mean, lethal weapon?

Yeah, no.

He was great.

Oh my God, he was awesome.

He still is.

He is.

He is.

I'm not saying anything against him, but that wouldn't be the one I would.

Yeah, there's that part.

And the whole misogyny thing where he's screaming.

Yeah.

He was drunk.

That's like he was drunk.

You know, we can't even talk about it.

He was drunk.

He's an alcoholic.

He got an address.

How long are we going to drag this guy?

How long are we going to torture the poor guy?

Yeah.

Well, I'm not going over saying that he hates Jews.

Just because I'm not saying that.

Don't.

He doesn't.

He did.

You don't have to.

You know, he's coming back, Martin Riggs, and they're doing another Lethal Weapon.

Oh, I love Lethal Weapon.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I love Lethal Weapon.

Yeah, they're doing another one.

Yeah.

I'll go see it.

Even when it came out on TV and they did the TV show without him, I thought that was really good.

I thought that was really good.

It's up to him to take down a

bunch of people.

You can't do Martin Riggs without Mel Gibson.

It just doesn't work.

Well, the plot is they're going to attack a synagogue and take down an evil rabbi.

What's this insurance policy?

Yeah, it's insurance.

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Who did dad go to see Elvis with?

I don't know.

That was before my time.

It was a date?

Or was it a dynamic?

No, it wasn't with me.

But no, I mean, was it a date with a girl or a girl?

I'm not sure if you think he's still awake.

Was it Fat Elvis?

He might think.

No, no, it was comeback.

It was when he played Madison Square Gardens, so no, it wasn't Fat Elbow.

He got back into shape.

It was,

he was in good shape for the Madison Square Garden shows.

Hold on, let me call Dad.

How did he land you?

What was it about your husband that you were like, this is the guy?

Oh, you're going to love this.

No.

Have a job?

Huh?

If you were babysitting, no, we were.

Oh.

Yeah, we worked together.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I gotta know.

Two parents on one show?

You expect him to answer.

Oh, there he is.

Hey, Pop.

Hey, I'm with mom.

Got a question.

You went to go see Elvis at Madison Square Garden, right?

Yeah, a long time ago.

Yeah, do you remember who you went with?

No.

Was it a girl?

No.

Was it a girl or a guy, do you know?

No, it was a guy.

It was a guy.

Okay.

I think he's dead now, isn't it?

He's dead.

Elvis and the guy is dead.

You're the last man standing.

Okay, all right, Pop.

That's all.

What?

No, we're just talking about it.

Just wanted to know if you would remember.

No.

All right.

That's all.

Okay.

All right, right, Bob.

All right, good luck, Tamara.

Thanks, Pop.

All right.

See you later.

Bye.

Oh, did your dad not come up for the.

Well, my dad's dog, Buck, is 18.

18.

Oh, Buck's ill.

He's not ill, but he's just 18.

He's got to be around.

It's like this good days and bad days.

And my dad,

he called me and he was like, would you mind if I

don't come?

I said, Pop, if Benjamin Cat was like, any day could be the day you wouldn't get me to leave the house.

I was like, I get it.

Yeah, he wasn't on the cruise either.

No, because he didn't want to leave Buck at home, which I wholeheartedly agree with.

I wouldn't do that either.

I don't know, man.

Like, I hear he's like, I can't remember who I was at a concert with to see Elvis.

Yeah.

How old is your dad?

He's exactly 30 years older than me, right?

73.

Yeah, 73.

Is that the kind of thing that he would have remembered 20 years ago?

Well, he might have.

I don't know.

No, he's pretty good at remembering something.

His memory is

pretty good.

My short term is shot.

Well, too much memory.

Well, his comes and goes, you know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

My long-term is pretty decent.

I remember a lot of long-term, so short-term.

He's not pretty good anymore.

But the story that you met that

because you always told me that you were basically hired to babysit dad.

No, dad probably said that to you.

I wasn't hired to babysit him.

No, of course not.

Why am I saying that?

What's that story?

I don't know.

Well, he's older than you.

Was he mentally infirmed?

Like, did he have a a brain injury?

You mean sign him out?

Was that name it?

Hello, Brooke.

Hello, Brooke.

He was like, Cropsy is your father.

What I was saying.

No, we just met at work.

It was in the office.

I heard him and his friends would go to lunch and just get hammered at lunch and then come back to work in the boss.

Well, that was true.

They would go.

He just got out of the military, my husband, when he got that job.

And I had just gotten out of high school and I landed that job.

It was on Wall Street.

And

he had a bunch of friends, and they would go out at lunchtime and have a liquid lunch all the time.

This is back when men could be men.

And they would come back to the office and start the sexual harassment.

They forget it.

I mean, you would look for him sometimes.

He'd be in the bathroom asleep.

Were they stockbrokers?

Yeah.

That's what you look for another husband.

Do you even know?

I I don't even know what his job was.

Like, her future husband's passed out in the third skull on a work day.

That's the thing.

That's the thing about it.

And this is not, I'm not saying this to defend

my father.

Apparently, like, the whole office did that.

Oh, yeah.

Like, they would go, they would go like all these walls.

What did the office do?

It was like a.

Oh, it was with stocks.

Okay.

All the dudes would go to lunch and just start drinking, and they'd get ginked up, come back to work around two, and then they'd do the rest of the day.

And then, and then what I was told was that one of the higher-ups told my mom and her friends to go to lunch with them to make sure that no no we never went to lunch with them no no but they they paired us up probably to get

some responsibility going yeah to split up you know all the guys working together they I think they tried to did he clean up his act eventually yes he did because of you no not because of me just circumstances trying to make it romantic I'm really trying to get build something here I'm trying to build something here but I can't get him No, no.

She's got integrity, man.

She won't even tell people to go see my movie unless she thinks it's good enough.

I understand.

I understand that because, like,

you're rep.

That's right.

People are not going to listen to you afterwards.

They'll be like, oh, well, and one, they're really not going to believe you.

Of course, she's going to say her son's movies.

Of course, right.

So if you came out and you're like, you would love to hear my movies.

Hear my problems with it, then they would be like, wow, she's legit.

And then after that,

her reputation is with who?

I don't know.

The village.

Yeah.

Do they ask you for your opinion on movies down there?

Do you boast a lot about Q down there?

I

am very low-key'd and I do not.

No.

No, I do not.

People would probably bother you then, too.

Oh, can he make a video for this one?

Can he say hi to my grandson?

And you do get that.

And you do get that.

And can I get this?

And can I get that?

And that's not the reason.

I am very proud of him.

But the type of person I am, I don't go around

saying

good or bad

about my children.

Oh, you don't say anything good about them either?

Well, no, I do.

That's why Tim and Edgar are the way they are.

Why is that?

That's all parents who raised kids in that era.

They don't like to throw around compliments willy-nilly.

You got to, you know.

Well, then they got it down.

They have their parenting method down to a T.

Well, you guys know my nickname was Fatcha Brutta from my grandparents.

Oh, I I am.

How did you allow that?

That's really weird.

It was such a loving thing for them to do.

I know it says ugly face, Faccia Bruta.

It was a term of endearment, really.

What does it mean?

Ugly face.

Ugly face in Italian.

You know, you grab somebody's face and you foccibruta, which means you're really beautiful, you know, handsome.

No, it's Facciabelle.

Even I know that.

No, it's Faccia Bruta.

Even I know that.

They could have said that.

It's a substitute for one word.

You know, that's what they called him.

Yeah.

It's much nicer in Italian.

And they all had different names.

They all had different names.

We used to just call them.

They were really pretty good.

What were the other names?

Jimmy was

Facciangelo, which means angel face.

Danny was sunshine.

And you were fucking sunshine.

You fucking showed them all.

You showed them all.

Who's the sunshine now?

Yeah.

Grandma.

It's her grave.

It's her grave.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.