#432: Spreading the Disease

Not literally under the table, because I know you'd have a camera under there, but I mean, um,

Ah, fuck.

That's bullshit.

That's fucking bullshit.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tellum Steve.

Dave,

I am in a satellite location whereas Walt and Q

and Ming are at shared universe due to this flu bug.

I think

I'm the one making the smart play here.

You guys are hanging around a Chinese guy who's crawling with that virus.

You know he is.

Just genetically?

Yeah.

He's got it.

He's already got it.

Ming, there have been reports of like restaurants not serving Chinese people in Sri Lanka.

Do you see a backlash to this?

I mean,

yeah, I think there will be a backlash, much like the MSG incident of the 80s and 90s.

Have you noticed it?

Have you noticed being refused any services due to your I haven't, but I know

a very good friend of all of us.

I heard a rumor that he went on Amazon and he bought 40 masks.

Yeah, it's true.

You can corroborate it.

I've seen the masks.

I've seen the eye protection, like the goggles that he's ordered.

And I heard he bought food that will last like 20 years.

He's not skinny?

No, it's not.

No,

Chief.

Yeah, Chief has gone fucking...

It could be either one.

But I thought, like, it's really only bad for old people and young.

It's not that he's fried chicken, Mike.

He's not.

Oh, he would be considered.

He would be considered an old person.

I don't think so, no.

Mr.

Mike Jackson?

He's not a drink chicken either.

I don't think you guys would be classified in the world.

We're not old yet?

As elderly?

No.

Okay, you said old.

Elderly was the key word there, then.

Yeah, yeah.

To me, I thought they were interchangeable, but I guess not.

Yeah.

Yeah, so, I mean, I don't.

You know what?

I mean, some would say he's the smartest man

in the county.

He's prepared.

He's ready to go if shit hits the fan.

The bathtub is always filled with water.

Right.

Some would say that, and some would just make fun of him relentlessly that's what you've been doing i didn't say a word about it because you know because as soon as i start making fun of him then it's going to be get then i'm going to get sick and then i'm going to be worried so i i keep it uh all to myself though but i did feel like it was maybe a tad overboard and from where he wear the masks at work no he didn't bring the masks to work but when would he wear it then because that's where he's most exposed i i don't know i guess if it gets worse you know and then and then this people are scrambling for masks and no one has the masks and he'll be be like, ha ha, I got masks.

You know what?

I did notice people in Manhattan wearing masks today.

And I said to Sal, I was like,

if this was a virus that was like end of the world, like the stand, like Captain Tripps, this is how it starts.

Like the reports here, the reports there.

China's on lockdown.

The city's done.

Now it's showing up here and there.

So it's like, while it's not that, like, this is how it would play out if it was that.

As of today, Q, I know you're a bit of a germaphobe, right?

Yeah, yeah, it's something.

How, on a scale of one to 10,

how much anxiety do you have on a scale of one to ten about this zero zero now because i don't touch people but i'm a little like the impractical joker's cruise

too recently oh i feel like i'm a floating death ship

i don't know i'm a little worried about they have that one cruise ship quarantine like the there's um thousands of people on it and they're not letting them off until they scream right yeah i don't need that how many days on the cruise four four days that's not a lot you can buy eight body condoms and just wear it the entire time.

Just wear them.

Right?

I mean, that would work, wouldn't it?

Theoretically,

yeah, it is odd to like to go into a grouping of people that large

when there's a worldwide pandemic going on.

Will you have on staff somebody to take people's temperatures as they enter or as they board the ship?

I think they have.

I think the ship provides that.

They like anal thermometer.

Is that really how you do it though?

It's the only way to be sure, Walter.

I was going to say, because you could fake it, you know, if you get out of a car, if you have ice on your head the whole way on the drive to the boat, right?

If you put an ice pack on your head, you could keep that temperature down, but you couldn't fake it if they went.

Oh, wait.

So, your theory is people are sick, but they're still going on the cruise?

They're not going to lose that money, Q.

A chance to see you?

They don't give a fuck about your health.

A chance to be like, Q caught my cold.

I know it's true.

Will you keep people off if they have the sniffles?

No, I don't think so.

I think I just like, I think I just got to dive in and

kind of just, you know, the cruise is really the only time now that I will.

talk to people.

Interact.

Yeah, you can imagine diving in with six security guys around you all the time.

Then, yeah, then you dive in.

Do you really have security guys around you on the cruise?

Not six, but we were assigned one each.

Oh, one each.

Yeah, one each.

He

legitimately would need it.

There's no possible way.

Oh, there's no way.

Is there code words you have where you're like,

you say the word and he fucking gets people away from you?

No, they can tell.

They know.

Well,

we've never used them in all these years.

We've never had anybody.

Past cruises, no security guards?

No, we've had the security guards, but they've not had to do anything besides just walk us.

Because I don't even know the outline of the ship.

So they're just like, we'll get you there.

And they take you along the back alleys and stuff like that.

People, for the most part,

are largely very respectful and cool.

Oh, yeah.

Which is surprising because there's so much alcohol on board.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, but it's.

Yeah, people are cool.

Right.

I've never really had a problem on the boat

at all.

People are cool.

Well, IJ fans are cool.

Now, with Brian still

feeling off, is he allowed to go on the boat?

I need him on that fucking boat.

Get up on that stage and dance.

I'm pulling double-duty taking temperatures right when people come in.

If he can't make it, you know, Mary Beth's got to come and do a show with me on the boat.

Yeah, I'll be there.

She has it.

She has this flu.

Sage has this flu.

I think people...

Mary Beth, I gave it to her on purpose because, like, the cruise is coming up, and I wanted her to, yeah, slim down just a hair.

So,

like, top bikini.

But then, honestly, like, I'm like, Sage is going to turn 14 in a few days.

Yeah.

Um,

and she could drop a few LBs too.

So then I gave it to her next.

She's not going to get a boyfriend.

He's trying to get rid of her already.

Yeah.

But I think people really have to

really be impressed with your commitment to podcasting, Telme Steve Dave, because look at the lengths you're going to.

I mean, Q

with his throat now, you know, that was another moment of like where, you know, a parade was deserved down Broad Street, but I think this is just as

worthy of a parade, you know, that you can't come to.

Yeah, and people aren't as excited about the Grand Marshal.

But really, no, I mean,

this is a commitment that people should acknowledge the

efforts that are made.

Heaven and Earth is moved

to get this podcast out.

I get a podcast.

You probably wouldn't even notice it.

Or Skype is utilized.

Like, he's just on Skype.

What microphone are you using?

Well, I was

not last week and weekend before.

the Jokers played Radio City.

And I went to see this.

It's your second time, right?

Yeah, six shows at Radio City now.

Oh yeah, there were a bunch.

Well, but I mean like the second block of shows, yeah.

Second residency, let's say.

And I'd seen this show before several times, but this time at the end, you know where Mary eats the dog crap.

For the first time, I'm like, I want to watch other people.

Because usually I just like look down.

I don't want to watch them eat shit.

But then I start watching other people and they're like how aghast they are and there's a girl uh probably like 10 or 11 like i'm on the aisle and then across the aisle is a woman who's holding her daughter in her lap she's like 10 or 11 and the girl looks like kind of tired uh but she's watching it and she sees murray about to eat the

and she like just buries her head until he actually eats it she looks back up he eats it and she bursts into tears like like anxiety tears or like or like distress tears

not like ha ha ha what a good time like like like truly this is not what i expected

wow it was so weird yeah i was like

i get being grossed out because it's disgusting

but but to cry over it that was not something i expected i was happy to see it Because I mean, that girl felt a more

visceral reaction to Murray eating shit than I will ever feel for anything the rest of my life.

It was nice to kind of like

watch it by proxy, but bask in the glow of human emotions.

Yeah, has anyone ever thrown up?

I was wondering, like,

I saw a cry, but like, are you aware of anybody throwing up?

No,

I'm not.

I've never even heard of anybody crying.

Like, normally people just, it gets a huge reaction from the audience, which is why we close with it every year.

But

I never heard of that.

I have often felt too that if the comic book men were gathered round and there were a piece of dog shit in the offing, there's one go-to guy that we know is

more than happy

to scarf it down.

I mean, for $300?

I mean, hey,

and a Coke, a free Coke.

That sentence ended differently than I thought it would.

I thought he was going to go for $300?

Nah.

I got to say, Ming,

I have been growing more and more impressed with

the shared universe.

I think you really got something

really great on your hands here, man.

Well, thank you.

Continue to be impressed when we launch that investors pitch at you

and

maybe later this year.

You may get me.

You may get me.

Yeah.

It's growing leaps and bounds.

I know my buddy Mike Polano is recording here.

He is.

Yep.

He is.

Yeah.

It's like I'm hearing more and more stories.

And it just seems like I see you as you're the Zoom spokesman.

Now you're something else with some food.

I saw the other one.

Oh, bazooka bubblegum.

Bazooka Bubblegum?

I'm a bubblegum pitch man.

What?

Yeah.

You got hired as a spokesman.

Wait a minute.

You've replaced Bazooka Joe?

Well, no, I haven't replaced Bazooka Joe.

Bazooka Ming, just as a roll off the tongue, just as

a...

In 2020, you fucking racist.

But he was an icon.

They got rid of Bazooka Joe?

No, they brought him back.

They actually brought him back.

And that's what they wanted me to pitch because the comics are back.

Remember the old comics we got in there?

So I think they saw, I was like, well, you like comics.

You want to be a pitch man for bazooka?

So

you're going to be pitching Bazooka Joe.

Where?

I did one ad on Instagram, but they paid me a pretty nice sum for it.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So what's that?

Where is Ming's grandfather armed a bazooka against American forces at one point?

Yeah, they don't need to know.

Where was that?

Big Indo-China war.

You remember it.

Indo.

So what is Bazooka plan to do in 2020 to make Bazooka Joe relevant to the kids today?

Well,

they just brought him back.

That's the first thing.

You step it up, Mink.

Do you remember what Bazooka Joe's like?

The comics?

I mean,

and I think all he did was he was a lazy, shiftless fucking loser who chewed bubblegum and left it everywhere.

Look at all the bazooka joe this this guy's got.

Eat all the gum you take all the gum you want.

Tom of Bazooka Joey.

Don't tell me you were paid in just bubblegum.

A new definition of a title.

I said a princely sum, and that's all relative, of course.

Now, I remember they used to put the powdered sugar on the bazooka.

There's a little, I think there's a little

powdered sugar.

They're not skipping on the powdered sugar.

Oh, they are.

There is no

powdered sugar.

Oh, fuck.

Let me look at the comics.

I was never under the impression that was sugar.

I thought it was just like dust.

Like a wax paper dust.

Or like a cornstarch.

I thought it was sugar.

I always thought that was the, you know, the sign of

a more, you know,

elegant chewing gum.

You want me to read you?

Yeah.

Walk you through a bazooka joe comic.

Is this a 2020 bazooka joe comic?

Oh, bro.

There we go, Walt.

Yes.

Yep.

He had the eye patch.

Oh, does he still have the eye patch, man?

I think so.

Yeah, I think so.

I'm looking at it right now.

Oh, he doesn't have the eye patch?

I don't think this is bazooka joe.

Who's the guy with the eternal?

Oh, you're showing me.

I think there's another dude named Mort.

I think that's Mort.

Mort.

That's Mort.

Let me open another one.

Well, let me read you this one first.

Okay.

So Mort is standing.

How many panels?

There's three panels.

Three panels

and then a fortune.

So the first panel is Mort and a guy standing by a birdcage.

And the guy is saying, this canary is a wonderful singer.

And then Mort goes,

but he has only one leg.

And then the guy goes, what do you want, a singer or a dancer?

They haven't really upped their game, have they?

Since the fucking game is.

I think these are the classic ones.

They're just putting the old classics in there.

Yeah, they're already done.

And

no one's read that in 70 years.

So I really thought they were going to do something

and like really make a splash in 2020, make Bazooka Joe trend.

No, you know how they brought back like Karate Kid and, you know, everything is a throwback now.

Would they update him, though?

Yeah, this one's

in dire need of an overhaul.

Would they allow us to shoot a bazooka commercial with you as Bazooka Joe?

I mean, I think I signed a piece of paper, but I don't remember that, that I couldn't continue the endorsement.

Was it on the back of a bubblegum wrapper this paper?

Or the contract

where they said it was a piece of bubblegum?

So what's a princely sum?

Can you tell?

Is it five figures?

No, it wasn't five figures.

It was four figures.

That's pretty low.

I mean, yeah, I mean, any, I mean, goddamn.

For a one-minute.

Did you have an agent sign?

Did you get a...

No, well, I could give him 10% of that.

Well, maybe he could negotiate you

maybe into five-figure.

Right.

Then I can, he's like, man, you should have held out for some hubba-bubba and some ring-pops.

Bumblebees banging the door down.

Yeah.

And, you know, yeah, yeah, you should have gotten some like some of that, like, that fun dip, too, and all that.

Now, is this from networking?

It was.

How did they find you?

Like, actually,

I'm dying to know how did this endorse you?

Actually, one of our podcasters in here was like, hey, I work with this marketing company.

They're bringing back Bazooka Joe.

I think they would be interested in you.

And

he arranged it.

Now, why do you think, now you didn't question?

Do you ask yourself, like, I wonder why me?

No?

Like, why not Mike?

You know, why not, like, why am I

not once ever.

But you know, I wonder why they like, I think you would be perfect.

And you don't, you don't ask yourself, not out loud, right?

But you don't say to yourself and you go, home, I wonder what that meant.

Why am I perfect?

No, well, I thought they're, you know, these come with comics.

So they're like, well, he's a comic book man.

Like, he may, maybe he's a good promoter.

He may promote this.

Yeah.

It tastes the same.

Bazooka Joker does.

Yeah, but it tastes the same.

It tastes the same.

It'll, yeah, it'll, it'll, you got five minutes left on that flavor.

Was it gone completely and they brought it back recently?

Or was it always around but fallen out of favor?

I think the one with the comics in it and the packaging was gone forever.

I think they have like the soft gum.

Like it was like hubba bubba.

Like they tried to branch off.

They tried to diversify a little and people like fuck you.

Bring back that dusty candy.

Yeah, but like we're writing the new season of Impractical Jokers now, all all the bits.

And Murray has cameo, which is that thing where, you know, quote-unquote celebrities do personal videos.

So we were looking through his to see if there's anything we could use against him on the show.

Right.

And I think he charges 200 bucks now for a cameo.

But he's doing commercials for like restaurants on Long Island.

Like they'll be like, hey, he has 200 bucks.

Be like, hey, it's it's Tim's fucking Mexican place or whatever.

And Murray's doing that.

So he's getting paid less to do a commercial than you are for doing bazooka joe for a minute.

So that's what I'm saying.

Like, you're doing fucking great.

It's not bad.

How long have they got you tied up, though?

Like, is this like a 10-year contract?

No, no, it's just what for right now it was just one.

One year.

It was just one ad.

Oh, one ad.

One year.

One ad.

Yeah, it's not a long-term deal.

But now, look, but like, if ever, if all the ants out there,

if we could help me out.

Yeah, what would help you out?

Yeah, like, how could we...

If they go to on Instagram,

the real bazooka Joe on Instagram.

I'm going to do that right now.

And there's a contest on there.

There's no substitutions.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Was there a fake fucking bazooka Joe impersonating from the imposter?

You know, I was wondering that, but I didn't question it.

You don't question anything, it sounds like.

No, I don't.

That was good to me.

You would have made a great Nazi.

Yeah, if you could go to The Real Bazooka Joe on Instagram, there's my video on there looking like that.

And then there's a contest on there where you can win a bag full of gum.

Oh, come on, everybody.

Yeah, Yeah, who doesn't want that?

Yeah.

So,

you want likes?

Is that what it is?

Sure, I guess, yeah.

Come on, Ants.

Go ahead.

If you can help me out, continue

my sponsorship.

Let's make those likes fucking

bounce.

Yeah.

I'm putting a comment.

I'm going, because of Ming, I've just queued my first bazooka Joe in 20 years.

The real bazooka Joe in 20 years?

Yeah.

Okay.

Thanks, man.

Yeah, there he is.

Yeah.

Speaking of that, like cameo, Mike Zapsic's on there as well.

Is he really?

It's not $200 for him.

It's it's uh

no,

it's not.

I think his is like 20.

I think you guys should do a dual one, though.

You guys would rack up if you and Mike did.

I think so.

Yeah, I think you guys did it as a tandem.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think that'd be

good.

What's the funny about that?

Is this cameo.com or cameo.xxx?

Hey, boys.

But I think that, like, I actually got to talk to Murray about it because I think he gave Cameo my personal email because I'm getting emails from Cameo.

Oh, because if you sign up, he gets a percentage.

He gets a finder's fee.

I'm like, fucker.

I'm like, how did they get my personal email?

I'm like, this is crazy.

And they're like, hey,

you're, you know, they're like, Murray's doing great on it.

You're requested all the time.

Why don't you do it?

And I'm like, how'd they get my email?

And I know I know.

Yeah.

I mean, he must have fucking a backlog at only $200 a pop, right?

He seems to do a lot of them.

Yeah.

Yeah, he does.

He does.

That's very affordable.

affordable, sure.

Yeah.

Like a restaurant that's great for fucking.

Well, now, yeah.

Of course, none of us are going to get hired to do commercials now.

We just fucking go on cameo.

There's a reason Bazooka Joe is not coming to me.

They can just go to fucking Murray for

two bills.

Yeah, make him do it.

It's nonsense.

Have you been approached to be a pitch man of any local restaurants, Ming?

No, I haven't.

You're a gourmand, right?

I am.

I eat everything.

A foodie?

I'm a foodie, but yeah,

no one's asked me to do a restaurant review or

yeah, no one's asked me to do a restaurant ad yet.

Well, no one asked Murray either.

They just sent him a fucking $200 check and said, say this.

He was paid for that.

Now, you mentioned that you were going to be proposing an investor's pitch.

Yes.

Was that a real deal?

Yeah, yeah.

What is it that you, because you guys seem to be doing great now, and I know, like,

what is it that you need investors to do, though?

Write a check.

I understand.

How can money be used?

Yeah, what's the money?

Well, for the expansion of a shared universe.

You know, if we want to open up in another city,

we're going to need money to do that.

A franchise.

Either a franchise or if we own it, if we want to open more of these, we need money to do it.

Oh, okay.

Wow.

But, you know, in doing so, you would own a piece of that as an investor.

So do you have, have you hired a team to prepare your proposal?

And you're.

I haven't.

That costs money.

I need investors.

We'll use the fucking bubblegum money to find out.

Use the bubblegum money?

Some CI money.

I guess I could, yeah.

You need to buy a couple pieces of bubblegum.

Yeah.

But I'll tell you what, if I invest, all this other fucking beer nonsense has got to go.

Oh, of course.

It's RNH on the bottom.

Yeah, Rubs are no horror.

Sorry for sprewing.

Oh, is that one of your buddies, though?

Yeah, I like it.

I'm just.

Yeah, no, we got another kegerator coming in here.

We need a keg if you can, if there's any.

Another keginator?

Don't you already have one already?

Well, here's what happened.

I bought one.

I was very proud of it.

And I heard about it.

Yeah.

I heard it.

It didn't go over what the rest of the.

Well, I mean, the other guy doesn't drink, so I have to do it.

The rest of the shared universe didn't like that.

You brought a Keganator.

Well, I mean, it had to support our sponsor, though.

That was part of the deal

as getting Ross Bring as a sponsor.

But

a week after I bought it, one of our friends was like, why'd you buy a Kegray?

I have one that I don't want anymore.

And he gave it to us.

So now we have two.

So why do you need a third one then?

No, this is it.

The other one's the one he gave us.

I don't even need two, but

I would be honored to have uh

Robin and Horman beer flowing from the tap.

We're gonna be integrated.

We're gonna be getting our jersey uh license in the next few weeks.

That would be that would be pretty huge.

A lot of uh when you when you think of the the world's great industrialists, you know, like Rockefeller, Mellon, all these guys, they were not the type to be like, hey, we can share some real estate with this other company, let's all just be friends.

Ross has to go, man.

Oh, yeah, that's it.

That's it.

So, just tear up that big check he wrote me for the rest of the the year and be like, nah.

Well, it waits size or amount.

I think BQ can write a bigger check.

He could.

Yeah.

Do it right now.

Do it right now.

Show him what you want.

He's got one of those fucking prop checks that he can bring down.

The one you had from the orphanage.

Yeah.

But I have a whole checkbook of them.

Right.

Right.

That's how you roll, man.

How long is this the Ross sponsorship?

Yeah, he typically pays up for a whole year.

A year, yeah.

Wow.

He believes in us.

I believe in you.

That's how all this started.

I believe in you too.

I'm really impressed with everything that you've been doing.

How much of a share can BQ buy?

Is he able, like, is he right now?

I want 95% of everything.

Like a bullet share, you're not going to get it.

Well, you get, don't say anything anymore.

Right.

I don't consult the legal team about whether that's ethical or not, but I'm sure.

It sounds fair to me.

I want to buy Mike's Mike out.

You might buy him out.

Yeah, I want to be 50% on it.

I would be.

Yeah,

I'm sure there's a price for that.

I'm sure that can be arranged.

What do you think he'd ask for, Meg?

Like, if Q is like,

I want to buy you out.

Or do you think he would be very reluctant to do it?

I think he'd be pretty reluctant.

I think.

But there's a number.

There is a number.

What is the number?

Do you think?

Everyone's got a number.

50, maybe.

50 grand?

50 grand, probably.

Well, no shit.

Wow.

That's a conservative number.

Yeah, that's great.

Would you consider expanding to other countries with the shared universe?

Absolutely.

I would.

Shared universe belongs in every major city in this world.

But don't you think that's how you start to lose

that personal touch, though?

You're relying on complete and utter strangers, foreigners, to run your business.

God forbid foreigners should.

Well, you know what I mean.

They're not like us.

They're also not foreigners if they're in their country.

But you know what I'm saying?

Like, they're, I think you find people may share your same philosophy.

I know, but it's tough, I know, right?

Because you know, you'd always be like, they're stealing from me.

They're stealing from me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because Ming can't be there to watch them all the time.

They're like, fuck him.

He's rich.

He's got all that bazooka job.

As you know, from personal experience, I keep a watchful eye with hidden cameras and hidden microphones.

Oh, so you would fly to all the ladies.

We're talking about the ladies' room.

We're talking about words.

But I don't know if a hidden camera can really catch, like, you know, fudging numbers and stuff, you know, and, you know, under-the-table deals.

Not literally under-the-table, because I know you'd have a camera under there, but I mean,

but you know, I mean, it's what's going on under here.

Sure.

It would be tough, of course.

Yeah, that's but you know, but that's how if you're you got to be able, you know, able to uh

take those chances, though, right?

These are things you deal with if you want to be big, man.

Yeah, big business, yeah, those are the things you deal with.

I don't like big business.

I'm ready to invest.

Wow, I am.

Oh, yeah, well, I want to be a part of it.

Can we record the pitch for Tom?

Oh, you want to, sure?

Oh, that'd be great.

That would be great.

Wait, do you have an official pitch that you give to potential investors?

I'm working on one.

Yeah, it's not.

I mean, when it's ready, I thought we should be, we should come in here, record it.

You know, Q should come in with, like, you know, all his rings and shit, all his

fancy fucking jewelry and a business suit, right?

And with a big fucking pen to sign on, with a contract on.

Yeah, and Ming, you and Mike are dressed identically like he was dressed at his TED Talk.

You have to wear that vest.

A five-point fucking, what's it called?

When you, a preview or when you give your presentation?

Oh, like the, like the, yeah, five.

Oh, the PowerPoint.

Yeah, yeah.

Wow.

You got it right there, Ben?

What, the pitch?

What are you bringing up here on the screen here?

No, the Mike Zapsic outfit.

I want to love you guys.

Well, just pull up Marty McFly.

Are you guys 50-50 partners in it, or do you own it?

I'm 50.

Him and his wife are 25, 25.

Yeah, but they're married.

Yeah, so that's basically 50.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

That's the Mike Zapic out.

Wait, so I got to pay 50 grand to buy 25%?

I think that would apply to both of them.

Oh, okay.

All right.

I don't know.

You don't have to ask him.

Of course, now he hears us.

Like, fuck 50.

I want 500,000.

Well, he's not getting 50.

So,

right, right.

Yeah.

What's the cash price he'd be willing to pay right now, Q?

Like, no questions asked.

He's like.

If Mike was like, I will sell, I'll give you 50.

I'll give you me and my wife's 50% of the business.

Well, without knowing the valuation of everything.

but I don't know any of that.

But does he own everything then?

Does he own all the equipment?

50%.

Oh, it's 50%.

Everything.

Right.

The comics, everything that's on the comics are his, but.

Oh, they're Mike's comics.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Not anymore.

He's now the proud owner of Mike's shit.

I tell you what, I would look Mike in the eyes and saying, look, I don't know any of the details.

Right.

I haven't seen the books.

So I'm putting a lot of faith in you guys,

but I will give you, I'll give you 15 grand

in cash for 50% of the business.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then you can report whatever you want.

You could say I paid a thousand.

Yeah, I was going to say that then he could report anything to the government, right?

But that's on him, not me.

It's true.

Yeah.

Because I'm telling the government that I paid 15.

And the first order of business is to change the masthead to Brian Quinn's shared universe.

I think it would be a great selling.

Yeah, why wouldn't you do that?

It might be.

It might be.

Why wouldn't you?

We thought about that Q license your name out to a bunch of different things like this.

You know, stuff that you just sort of loosely pay attention to.

Like

Krusty the Clown.

Like, it's not good.

It's good enough.

Yeah.

I think if anything I've learned from the beer company, it's like

that I'm done expanding because it is, it, it takes, uh, it, it takes

attention.

You know, yeah.

You know, you're a beer, Baron, for Christ's sake.

You can't walk into it lightly.

No, I mean, I'm very lucky.

I have a, I have a top-notch team that I trust completely.

So I'm not.

How many people on this team?

One, two.

Including Helen?

No, with Helen, Amanda, Cara, let's say four, four people.

Wow, that is a team.

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

Wow.

Oh, and John, too.

Very woke of you.

Women?

My company's all women.

The COO,

the brewer,

and whatever Helen is.

Whatever Helen is in the company.

resident hottie.

Is that because you feel like you can boss around women more than dudes?

Yeah, without a doubt.

I know I can menace them enough.

You'll be back on the stroll.

Oh, they're the fucking, the best, they're the best ones.

That's what I do.

Do you feel like you seem?

Go ahead, Brian.

Also, I was going to say, also in production, doesn't it seem like you want to rely on a female?

They're just so, they're much more detail-oriented and you just trust them that they're going to get the job done.

Yeah.

That's, but that's also very, that's just as bad as a back, that's like a backhand compliment.

Yeah, but it's like black people complaining about the big dick thing.

It's like,

all right, it's a stereotype.

I got it.

But do you feel, though, if you start to put your name on too many different products, too varied a line, there's like too many different BQ things out there, can it hurt the BQ brand?

Yeah,

I think that it's a very quick thing to people being like, oh, it's bullshit.

This is fucking bullshit.

Which is why I don't go online and really

talk about anything.

If I like something, I'll be like, oh, this is cool.

But I've never been paid for...

for anything like that.

Well, do you count like the product integration shit?

No, because that's, I don't have a choice.

And it's like I'm not the way we do product integration is one, it's not in the show, it's always like an add-on thing, like a commercial.

And we're never like drink Mountain Dew.

What we are is we do like a bit that involves Mountain Dew, right?

So I'm not like, and that's we don't even do that anymore.

The last thing we did that was for Shazam, and it was pretty fucking funny.

Like, we got to work with uh Zach, Zachary Levy, and stuff.

So, but I remember getting kicked out of that restaurant so Shazam and company could fucking party

assholes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know.

You don't think Mike would take the 15?

I don't think so.

All right.

Well, there you go.

Oh, so you're, so you're, it's firm?

There's no way, there's no witnesses.

Well, 15 cash is 30

reported.

Right.

Because the government takes about half of that.

Oh, okay.

So really, he's, you know what I'm saying?

So really he's going to math.

Was that?

BQ math, you mean?

That's U.S.

government math, man.

No, but that when you get into those types of deals, they fucking they take it all would you consider if mike turns you down will you consider going behind his back to his wife and trying to buy her 25 hostile takeover

we're assuming no you do the shared universe pay taxes you guys you guys do everything but

yeah all right i was just wondering yes we do we're legit

real business and all companies are write-offs yeah

It's a shell corporation.

He's laundering bazooka Joe money.

Right.

What did Mike think when you got the bazooka joe conference?

I don't know.

He didn't say anything.

He didn't say anything, huh?

Yeah.

Okay.

Because I thought maybe as partners, you guys should be sharing everything.

I'm sure.

Including bubblegum.

Like, did you share any of the bubblegum money with Mike?

No.

He wasn't.

He didn't.

But you got it because of shared universe, though.

But I was asked directly, though.

Q, would this be a cause of concern for you?

I mean, shouldn't as his partner, Mike, be getting 25% of that bazooka Joe Money?

I mean, Marie's not kicking me any of his cameo.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Really?

But if, like, that he got it, though, from a client at Shared Universe, though.

Ancillary, though, it wasn't like related to

any podcasting or anything.

It wasn't related to a podcast?

No.

No?

Okay.

All right.

I guess

though, it may have been more fair if you guys like auditioned for it.

Right?

If you guys each auditioned for the commercial.

Marketing company kind of looked at what we did in life, and that was our audition.

Who looks more like a little kid?

Yeah, exactly.

Let me look at the Instagram because you're not saying

you don't mention shared universe on this.

No, no.

So they're

a calculated move?

No,

they sent me what they wanted me to push that.

Yeah.

They had a whole legal team, too.

So if you watched the video.

Joe, you didn't even get a lawyer to look over this contract?

It was a pretty standard contract.

It's like, do the annual page.

Oh, shit.

Chavo Guerrero Jr.

is doing it too?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's doing it too.

Yeah, he's a wrestler.

He's a wrestler.

What if something happened?

Like, there was some sort of

E.

coli.

He was in the

there was a rash of fucking outbreak and you know, like a little kid died.

Right.

You could really hurt your.

You should like be on, like, have a, in your contract, that they have to come out and say that, you know.

If there's some guy horrible reflect eating disease in their bubble gum, which has never happened in the history of gum, I mean, yeah, you're right.

I should have.

You got to get yourself covered, man.

That's what a lawyer would would do.

Or maybe like do a proactive like PSA about washing your hands, not picking your ass, you know, so it'll be cool.

I should like later on, they can't blame it on you.

Mike, Mike, Mike, let me borrow one of those 40 masks for the commercial.

Do you think if I offered Mike's wife Julia, right?

Yes.

I didn't want to say the wrong name because I do like her.

But

you think if I offered her 10 grand for her 25%, she would bite?

Probably not.

No.

You guys think you got gold?

Yeah, I think that there's there's

a game plan in place.

And they are.

I mean, from day one till now, they are definitely fucking moving.

That's what I'm saying.

This

place is impressive.

Yeah, it's very impressive.

So, all right, so finally the plan isn't to fake their deaths.

Get the insurance money.

So if I invest, do I own a piece of the company or no?

Typically, that's how it works.

Yeah, you get a piece.

So I could be the tipping vote in an issue.

Sure.

Sure.

And then, you know, well, there's three votes right now, right?

Yes.

So that would be the fourth vote then.

But, but if it's, if it's, if it's Zapsix versus Ming,

and then I own like the 3% that could tip it either way.

Right.

Yeah, you could.

Yeah.

That's Vicky.

And then, you know, if we get bought by Spotify for 300 million, then he stands again a percentage of that.

Is that something that you think is a potentially

that's what they're doing?

Well, they're buying.

That's probably going to happen.

They're buying.

Yeah.

What are they buying?

week or something.

They're buying podcast networks.

They're buying networks for like 200 million.

Well, what?

Who bought that fucking dude who was fucking nasty?

It was all like fucking crouchy to his cardboard.

Yeah, Hardwick.

Didn't Amazon fucking or somebody bought

for crazy, like 100 million?

Yeah.

A lot of money.

There's a lot of, like, how come we've had no offers for the Tellum Steve Dave catalog?

Have you pitched anything?

Is this free?

Wasn't Hardwick's free too?

No, but he's the network.

Yeah, he had different shows.

He had a lot of did

all different shows.

But it wasn't just podcasts.

It was videos.

Yeah, it was a whole other podcast.

We're so self-absorbed that anything that is network-like is just stuff that we do.

We don't have any outside people.

All right.

But you guys, so in your contract, when somebody comes on your network,

do you own their podcast?

No, they own all their own stuff.

We just produce it for them.

Okay.

So we're not trying to say that we're not.

I mean, can you do a hidden camera and tell the guy, the flackout podcast that you own their podcast?

Oh, yeah.

And see what happens.

Just to see how they react.

Actually, that would be pretty funny.

Or have Mike tell them.

Have Mike tell them?

Yeah, because he's bonded with them over, you know.

Yeah, I know.

Yes, he has over.

Mink said that.

The blackout guy saw Mike and his wife shopping and they're like, yo, it's the ASEAN.

And Julia was like, wait, what?

What are they talking about?

Yeah, they.

I don't know if Q knows what you're talking about.

Out of context, I don't know if Q knows the backstory.

I don't know if you want to tell it.

There's plenty of people.

There's

a little crude.

Well, you could say, I guess you could tiptoe around it.

Who eats it?

I've hugged around with both of those, too.

There's not going to be a problem.

Tell the story to Q, Mike?

I mean, Ming, real quick.

Hang on.

I think I have the video here.

Oh, my God.

Oh, this is great.

Hang on.

Let me.

Actually, I definitely do.

I just got to find it here.

The Cliff Notes.

The Cliff Notes is.

Nice work.

I want to buy

Shared Universe and then chop it up and sell it for parts.

Like one of those fucking hard.

Like, down.

Yeah.

Does that come with the

ISEL Comics catalog?

Was Q own would own that too?

No, I think Smodco owns that.

But you would own it.

Smodco, you never got it back from Smodco?

They still own it, yeah.

They never owned it?

They never pay you?

You never signed any paperwork with them.

They don't own it.

I don't know what the legal definition is, but it's not a problem.

They're keeping iSell Comics hostage?

Call it keeping it hostage.

Where do you want to be on their network?

The back catalog?

All right.

You and Mike have to just go after Kev, like, at the end of Boogie Nights, when Marky Mark and John Z.

Riley were like, the magic on those tapes, that's ours.

We own that show.

I think you guys, though.

You own the tapes.

We own the magic.

Yeah.

You own the tapes.

Those are yours.

But like, remember, like Taylor Swift, how she went after the guys who were like holding hostage her recordings?

You should go on there and fucking.

Oh, you know what she was going to do?

She was going to re-record her entire cattle.

You should, word for word.

You should threaten Kevin.

Re-record everyone.

Re-record everyone.

Jesus.

And you know, you know what I mean?

All 304 episodes.

That's the legal loop.

That's the loophole that we

tell us all this, and Kevin's like, wait, he did, why?

He could have just happened.

Kevin swifted me.

He swifted me for Christ's sake.

All right, but he pulled up the clip.

Yeah, for sure.

So, backstory, there's a podcast in there that called Respect the Blackout.

And the guy on the right here, his nickname is Booty Munchin' Black.

Prides himself on eating ass.

The guy in blue?

The guy in blue.

Okay.

And he's a pretty suave guy.

This is how he impresses the ladies.

This is how it impresses people?

By saying this?

He meets people and tells people this immediately.

He thinks it's impressive.

On the podcast, he does, and when he meets a young lady, yeah, and they like it.

Well, hold on one second.

Because what's he like?

his like, what's his approach?

Does he think, like, if I just let it be known that I, that I had asked, that girls who have always been curious about it will be like, I believe so, yeah.

Talk to that guy.

I believe so, yes.

Okay.

So, I wasn't here one day to engineer the podcast, but Mike was.

Okay.

And they got Mike to now that I proclaim that he also loves eating ass, he did it proudly.

So, this is a story about Mike's.

Mike's got all that facial hair.

It's all right.

Okay.

Mike might hate me.

Mike might hate facial hair.

The worst one is like, I've met Mike's Mike's wife at Best Buy.

And the first thing this moment is, he's like, yeah, it's the guys that said that I eat ass, buddy.

And

I was just like, bud, I'm in full work mode, bud.

You ain't had to put me on out there.

Oh, shit.

I didn't even say that.

That was wild.

You would have been so uncomfortable.

I was like, I was, bro.

I was just like, she looked at me.

Bro, she looked at me like

if she looked at Mike, like, you done told this motherfucker you eat at my ass.

Bro, I'm looking like this.

I'm like, I got the answers.

Should I still bring these up?

Hold on, you guys didn't say anything.

He said it.

He said it.

No, he said it.

Mike offered that up on his own.

And then when Mike told him, he was like, honey, this is one of the respective blackout podcasts.

He knows I eat ass.

And I was just like, oh, Mike, oh, God.

Oh, God.

I didn't know what to say.

I was just like, damn, Mike, what the fuck?

First interaction, how you know all you eat ass.

Fuck.

Mind you, middle of the sales floor, kids walking around.

I'm just like, damn, Mike, what the fuck's going on?

It's like, yo, you got those beach headphones or what?

But mind you,

they came for some headphones.

I was just there like,

is that it?

Right, right.

Is that it for today?

Man.

Shout out to Mike, though.

He was hilarious.

He had to eat ass that night to get out of that trouble.

Worst part about eating ass is every time you get in trouble, you got got to eat ass again.

Like, that's the worst part about ass.

That's a get out of jail card.

Wait, hold on.

Can you stop it?

No, that's it.

That's the guy?

Is the guy in the green shirt the guy who says it?

Who calls himself his name?

No, no, it's the guy in the blue.

Oh, okay, because he said when you get in trouble, you have to do it.

He almost is like he was being, like, he doesn't want to do it.

Right.

I don't, yeah,

he doesn't do it as much as the other guy, if at all.

I'm not really sure about it.

But I think there's ever been a discussion in your relationship with you.

No, with Mike?

Really?

No, I'm not.

Apparently, he offers us.

We're talking about comics.

Apparently, he he loves telling everybody, including everybody at Best Buy.

I've never told you Batman eats Catwoman's ass.

That's never come up.

No.

Do you feel do you think he finds his admission regrettable?

Like now he has to sort of maintain, and every time they see him, he has to be like, it's me, the old ass eater, you know?

But don't they, they have kids.

Sure.

They could pick up on this info now.

It's out there.

It's public knowledge, yes.

But it's not like it was a secret.

Mike went on a podcast and said this.

I know, but I, that seems illegal.

And he's telling everybody at Best Buy, apparently.

Jesus, do you think if it were

a different podcast, like

one of the more tame ones, rather than the ribald respect the black?

Sure.

He would he have uh oh, I agree with you.

Do you think he felt pressured to be like, I think he got caught up in the moment?

It was like, oh, these guys are, these are cool dudes.

I want to make, I want to have some cred here, too.

Cred, street credit,

credit.

You know, in that one instance, sure, but he kept it going, man.

He kept it going.

Well, you know how, like, how like 20 years ago, or maybe even longer, like, blowjobs were kind of baby.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And like, now they're just like, it's like buying a car comes with an air conditioner.

You're just like, all right, it's just part of the package.

But like, so maybe now just society's at the point where it's just like ass eating is the new blowjob.

It's like, hey, man, you got to do it.

Or, you know,

nobody's buying that car.

You mean in the next 20 years, you mean?

Yeah.

So he's a vanguard.

He's cutting.

He's cutting edge.

He's cutting edge.

Yeah,

that's one way to put it.

Yeah, I think so.

I'm not judging him.

I'm into it.

I'm down.

I'm not judging him for admitting that, but telling everybody at the best buy.

Like,

and then introducing his wife to, you know.

So you think he got in trouble?

Yes.

Oh, you know?

No, I don't know.

I don't know.

How do you not ask him?

I haven't asked him yet.

I didn't even know.

Yeah, I haven't asked him yet.

What the hell are you waiting for?

Yeah, I don't know.

This was like months ago.

No, it was two weeks ago.

I'm lowering my offer.

I'm still.

I can't be in business with an ass eater.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around why he just said it's all Best Buy.

I think they were just

being a little bit

all of Best Buy.

I don't think it was on Blast at Best Buy.

I'm sure it was just the people who were

shot.

You know, he's very loud, right?

I don't think he's.

When he was talking about that,

I don't know if he'd be that loud okay we've most definitely talked about the same topic on telemetry dave at some point sure yeah well yeah tom brady is a fan so

of of uh eating ass he said uh he said it publicly really he's pliable he's pliable you know what you're changing his words you're you're um i don't know it was not said yeah he's you've like he's he said something or he liked something

or he put an emoji out there and then everybody was just like oh tom brady's condo con

not condoning but he, what's it called when you're approving this?

Would it change your opinion?

Would it change your opinion of him?

Well, you know, he's a married man, so you know, at least he's not

running around town with everybody doing it.

He never asked in town, yeah.

So, I mean,

at least he does, it's

you know, a Catholic church would say it's okay.

I imagine this is his wife, so who's to say, who's to come down, right?

Right.

Okay, I'm not coming down on him.

I just question his point being, Tom Brady is holy, Mike is a sinner.

The guy in the hands, man.

Ming, do you remember the days when you were always ready to go?

Oh,

it's a nice segue.

You can increase your performance, Ming, and get that extra confidence in bed.

So listen up.

BlueChew.com.

That's blue like the color blue.

Blue Chew brings you the first chewable with the same FDA approved active ingredients such as Viagra and Cialis.

You can take them any time, day or night, even on a full stomach.

And since they're chewable, they work up to twice as fast as a pill.

So you can be ready whenever an opportunity arises.

Can you benefit from more confidence where it counts, Ming?

Absolutely.

Good.

Blue Chew is a fast and easy way to enhance your performance.

Wow, how do I get this Bluetooth, Brian?

Oh, it's real easy.

Blue Chew is prescribed online by licensed physicians, so you don't have to go to a doctor's office or wait in line at the pharmacy.

Shipped right to your door in a very discreet package.

But Ming, you might have a problem.

Like if he goes, when he talks to the doctor, though, you've had this cough for like the last fucking 40 years.

I'm over it now.

Oh, you got rid of that cough?

Yeah.

Finally, oh.

Okay.

Then the doctor might get.

Did you ever find out what it was?

It was a combination.

I have asthma that I didn't know I had with like bronchitis.

It's a nasty mix.

I'm diagnosed with it.

You had that cough forever.

Yeah, I was worried about you.

Hey, I'm glad it went away.

It did.

It's bad for podcasting.

Since Blue Chew prepares a ship's director cheaper than a pharmacy, and best of all, no more awkwardness.

I don't know if it totally erases it, Ming, but no more awkwardness.

That's a bold statement.

Yeah.

Right now, we've got a special deal for the listeners.

Visit bluechew.com, get your first shipment free when you use our special promo code T-E-S-D, and then just pay $5 shipping.

Again, that's B-L-U-E-C-H-E-W.com promo code T-E-S-D to try it free.

Blue Chew is the better, cheaper, faster choice, and we thank them for sponsoring the podcast and all that ass-eaten talk.

Okay.

Thanks, Blue Joe.

Oh, man.

Ah,

sounds awesome.

Ah, so fucking disgusting.

Like, when you're nothing is as human as being sick, man.

I fucking cannot stand it.

Is this the sickest thing?

Because I remind you, you're like, I'm the fucking same as everyone else.

But is this the sickest you've ever been?

No,

close to close to it, but

I mean, I can't remember the last time I had the flu, probably high school.

Yeah,

I don't know.

It was just bound to fucking have, especially got kids in school.

Ming, did you get sick yet?

I did, yeah.

It was bad.

No.

That's where you went right, Q.

No kids.

Otherwise, they'd be bringing it home to you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, I'm definitely

confident in my decision.

Not for your

Ming, were you very

upset to hear about Kobe Bryant?

I was shocked.

I mean, I didn't personally know the guy, so I didn't shed any tears or anything.

But

I mean, I felt more, I felt worse for his kid and his family,

but I was shocked.

I don't know.

Yeah, I didn't break down or anything.

Well, you're a sports fan, Walt.

You're a sports fan.

Sports fans are obviously extremely loyal people uh as far as their team is concerned but this kobe bryant stuff

appeared to transcend whether you like sports or not everybody is upset like i wasn't even aware he died for a couple days because i i was

down with this bug but then once i saw the coverage and shit and how upset people were, I was like, did he do something that I wasn't aware of aside from play basketball?

Like, I can't figure out why is everyone so very broken up when like famous people die all the time yeah but not like this was so unexpected and he was such an iconic uh part of you know basketball lore i mean he's like one of the you know

signature names in the in the history of the sport though you know and so

you know his face was uh you know part of the league for so long i And I guess also I think it's just so sudden and shocking that it just

really makes people

know how to react.

I mean, it's just total shock.

And, you know, they want to pay, I guess, tribute to

everything that he brought to the culture, basketball culture, basketball and pop culture, I guess.

What did he bring to basketball culture?

Oh, that swagger, you know, the all the.

Was he the first part?

Was he in that first group that were like

the cool hip-hop?

i think the first group is dr j

oh you think going well way back to the aba well no i think dr j is the first guy that brings like that that culture that um that like cool

um

cult basketball culture and then it's then it's jordan and well that magic you know actually it's magic bird and then and then jordan brings it to another level that's fucking that explodes where he's like it's like santa claus

mickey mouse michael jordan those are the three most fucking recognizable faces on the planet, that they said at one point.

Like you could bring it to like the deepest, darkest jungle in fucking Cambodia or wherever, and you could show a picture, and the kids in the village would know it was Michael Jordan.

That was the theory.

That's the test they use to, to this day, they still use that test.

It's harder and harder to find an isolated

motherfucker in an isolated tribal.

And Kobe definitely hit that.

Definitely,

he was at that level.

I don't know, man.

I wouldn't say he's Michael Jordan level, but he's just like right under it.

I'm sure.

I guess King James would be a Michael Jordan level, right?

Sure.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

I mean, there's a debate who's better.

Yeah, so, but, yeah, Kobe was definitely that upper echelon of like where a few athletes get to breathe, you know, the rare air.

Well, people said he was likable, too.

He was like a nice enough guy.

I really don't follow basketball, though, so I'm not really sure.

Yeah, I don't know.

But I can't imagine the people that are this, like, they have to fucking

they're going to do the memorial and they have to go to the football stadium because that's the football stadium they gotta go to?

That may be Staple Center's too small, they're like, they expect like 80,000 people or 100,000 people, or some crazy shit like that.

That's what I'm just like, what is it about him that has created this level though, of

like out public outboring?

I couldn't tell you, especially with the rape charges against him.

You're like, that's that's uh, how is that

today, though?

Yeah, but he was, he was acquitted, so I mean, sure.

No, I mean, I agree with you.

I'm shocked that that wasn't trotted out.

And some people did.

Some people did.

Well,

Ari said something nasty about Ari Shafir, the comedian.

But I guess he was like, I do this every time someone famous dies.

It's not specific to Kobe Bryant, but

I don't know.

It's like,

what's his name?

That other comedian who, like, right after the Boston bombing.

Oh, Jeselnick,

whatever.

Anthony Jeselnick, yeah.

Seems like maybe Ari's timing was off.

I didn't even hear that.

And I, I don't know.

Yeah, I was just like,

I told, I texted Brian because I was like, fucking, I was like, people were crying.

Like, people were

crying.

Like, like, people we know, people I know were like weeping at Kobe dying.

Really?

On the set?

No, not on the set, but just people I know.

Really?

Yeah, I can't really, I don't want to make identifying things.

And I was like, fucking hell, man.

And then I turned on

the Grammys and Alicia Keys is singing with Boys to Men.

And I'm just like, man, alive.

Like, this is going crazy.

I was like, if I died in a helicopter cut, like,

tragically cut short like that, I would not want any of this.

I was like, I would just want people.

I texted Brian.

I was like, just make fun of me.

This is fucking just fun.

That's a guarantee right there.

Yeah, but it's not because people get venerated when they go in a way.

Oh, yeah.

You're going to, you're not going to get to, you're not going to fill out a stadium, but you're going to be able to like a small gym.

Sure.

Like a high school

high school gym.

Like a pep rally.

You know, a funeral home room.

Like a guy in an ant mascot costume.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

No, I'll never be on Kobe's level of anything ever.

But it is.

I do find it.

It's like you're, I'm the opposite.

I would like, I think that would, I would like to look down, because I'm probably going to be in heaven, and

look down and see that kind of thing.

Like, I would love to see that level where like shit is stopping in their tracks to pay tribute to me.

Okay.

I would love that.

You'd want to fill stadiums.

Yeah.

Why not?

I mean, they're going to forget someone else is going to be more famous and is going to die sooner or later.

So then you're like, why not get it while you can?

I guess it's so you're saying the only way you would appear in front of a bunch of people is if you're dead.

That doesn't help.

Yeah, I don't have to do nothing.

All I can do is later.

Yeah, just looking good.

Like, if they put you in one of those glass coffins like they did for, what was her name, Aaliyah, or whatever?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Back in the 90s.

That was another,

that, that chick, that's another one that where people got real crazy after she died.

Yeah.

Remember, they had like the, they.

pulled that coffin through Brooklyn or some shit.

Yeah, I think it's a tragedy that really like puts it over.

Because if he had gotten cancer and slowly died over the course course of a year it would be sad but it wouldn't be the same thing my when we fly those small planes um

my our opening act mike finoy a really funny guy always says like if this plane went down he goes

it would the the headline would be like pract in practical jokers and friend die in plane accident he's always like i would just be end friend or or something like that and i and i thought about that when they were reporting like kobe and his daughter dying and it's just like all right but there were so many other people on that

and they didn't quite get around to like uh to talking about them, but and that is that's almost though, like

when something like that happens, it's like you know Kobe, you don't know those people, right?

Like, if you knew somebody who got in a car accident or a bus accident, you're like, oh my god, so-and-so died, but so did 50 other people.

But I was like, Yeah, I ain't fucking know them, though.

Yeah, that's that's it, that's what it is, yeah.

But it's just no less tragic, but you just you have no context for it, yeah.

Oh, it just suck.

This is what I thought of.

I was like, motherfucker, didn't he just retire like two years ago or something like that?

Relatively recently, he retired.

I'm like, he worked so hard.

He worked so hard.

He amassed all that money.

He could finally kick back and relax, maybe pursue some other things, and then he fucking died.

He still looked like he could play, though.

Oh, yeah.

Didn't he?

He still looked like he was youthful and he could still fucking ball.

But I guess he, but like, I guess 40 is too old, huh?

41, yeah.

Damn.

Well, not if you're Tom Brady.

I was waiting for somebody.

I was throwing that out there.

That was fucking real, and I was going to say he was going to bite first.

What's going on with him?

Is he going to another team?

Yeah, did you hear this, Brian?

There's a QS what's going on with Brady.

There's supposedly eight teams in pursuit of the goat where he could go to eight different teams.

Really?

Yeah.

He could be playing as close as an hour away from my house.

The Giants are supposedly

interested in Tom Brady.

You see how it's about you, Paul.

Yeah, the Giants supposedly have.

There's a rumor that they're interested.

Is he the goat no matter where he goes?

It's going to be impossible, I think, to play at the level where he played at in New England and go into a different team.

I just don't think.

I mean, I would love to see him prove everybody wrong and go and play like a fucking god somewhere else, but the deck is stacked against you to learn a new system in a new city with new players a new coach at 43 I mean at 43 I mean people are they're they're fucking they're elderly like you called it earlier in the sports world I mean that's an elderly man playing uh playing right there's no chance he stays oh he's staying

oh in New England oh yeah that's one of the A teams oh okay

why wouldn't he stay though like why would like Jeter was like I don't want to play anywhere but New York yeah but I think there's uh I think some underlying friction between him and the uh and the head coach I think there's a

ego of both of those dudes are pretty, pretty big.

And there may be a factor of like, well, I'm the reason that we're a dynasty.

And the other guy's like, well, I'm the reason.

I think Belishek, the coach, wanted to move on from him three years ago.

And I think Brady knows it and is like, all right, I want to show you.

and everybody else who was the real reason why we were

a dynasty.

You agree with that, Mick?

Yeah, I agree with that.

I mean, I don't care, but

you don't care.

Well, where Brady goes, I don't care.

Why?

That's a big story, man.

It's a big story, but I don't care.

You don't think that's going to be the entire story?

He doesn't give a shit about the biggest story.

You know, everybody's going to be the biggest story.

It will when he signs with either another team or wherever he signs.

That'll be the biggest news of the day.

I don't care if fucking corona fucking hits coronavirus.

Hits global.

Like, it's half the country's got Corona.

No one's going to give a fuck.

When Brady signs up.

If Tom Brady's signing is going to be what's the biggest story of that day.

Right.

Well, for that day, I'm going to be.

A speaker from the 90s could go down in a helicopter.

It wouldn't be as big of a deal.

It'll even knock Zapsex ass seating out of the headlines, possibly.

From one news cycle.

Could you get away with doing that, Ming?

What's that?

Could you get away with saying something so?

I don't want to say scandalous, but so personal on the pod, and then having the missus go out and in the public.

Oh, no, I don't think she would like that at all.

How long would you be in the doghouse uh i i think i'd be there for a while until everyone forgot about it how long's a while i don't know a year a year

that's a long time that is a long time in the doghouse you're in the doghouse for a year if you're approached in best buy

and called called out for the ass eaten comment

uh if i if i offer that up to like a guy introducing her to a guy that she doesn't even know at working at best buy i think yeah I think I get some backlash for that for sure.

Someone please do me a favor, and if you see Ming and Debbie Chen in public,

but I didn't say

that.

How do you get out of that?

How do you start to build the bridge back to getting it back into her good graces?

You'll know

one lick at a time.

He looks

like a Tootsie Pop and shit.

Ask Mr.

Owl.

Yeah, you'll know.

Could you ever be forgiven?

You think?

I think, yeah, eventually, yeah.

Sure.

I would think you'd have to tell her something, like even just like lie, like, you know,

just say you're sick or something.

Like, you got to buy.

Or just be like, the racist.

They thought I was another Chinese guy.

Right, right.

Oh, just claim like I got anything to get out of it.

Right, but Mike can't claim that.

No.

No.

No.

You think Mike paid dearly?

I think he's still paying, sure.

And he's about to pay again because because I don't know.

This is good.

I think he's building up the coronavirus

to distract his

from what's happened.

So he's like, we can't worry about that petty shit.

We're all going to die.

We're all going to die.

More masks.

We need to order more masks.

Do you think Mike's mask looks like it has like brown little

boy?

I just.

Do you pay a price for Mike?

Like, do you feel like he takes it on you for bringing stuff like this to our attention?

I didn't say it.

But you brought it to our attention.

You wanted us to know that.

This is the video clip.

You wanted us to know so bad.

That's a public clip, but I know you wouldn't have found it otherwise.

This had almost died.

And then now we've talked about nothing but it for an hour.

Well, come on.

The world needs to know.

Apparently, he wants the world to know, so I'm helping him out.

There might be a little bit, yeah.

He's like, well, why'd you tell those guys?

But I didn't say anything.

It's true.

He put himself in that situation, I guess, but it still seems like an idea.

I didn't know.

I heard from some dude at Best Buy.

Yeah.

All right.

Hey, man.

I mean, his own company is putting out

his podcast comments.

And like, he could have, what would you do if he banned it?

He was like, that episode's not going off ever.

It's already up, but he's, I'll take it down.

Yeah, I know.

But if he had.

But, Brian, like, I think you're on the right track here.

Why didn't he, after it it was over, go like, you know what?

I'm going to just edit that part out.

I think he wanted it out there.

Wow.

Jeez.

Knowing that it could come back to bite him.

Yeah.

And there's no fucking way he could get mad at that.

Ironically,

bite him right on the ass.

Right on the ass.

You should see it.

You got Q and Brian don't even know.

You should see all the stuff.

I say, Declan, I want this.

I said something.

I'm going to get in trouble.

You got to cut it out for me.

Just like stupid little shit that I'm always terrified.

I don't even tell anybody that that Deckland.

I'm like, you got to get that out.

As soon as he hears that, I'm going to be fucking in the doghouse.

I said the word S.

Pull it out.

Yeah, pull it out.

And that's how you do it.

You're all like sweating.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I can get

you to pull that out.

And I think about it, and I can tell them exactly where it is.

I can say, I bet you it's right after I say this.

Because then mentally, I'm like, oof, I shouldn't have said that.

Wow.

If

you go home tonight, Walt, and somehow Deb had heard Respect the Blackout.

So now she knows that like Nancy

would, how do you handle it if she's like, look,

that's just in a moral presence in the stash.

You know, you can't have that.

Well, I would probably get home.

I would, I would come in and the lights would be out.

And she would be sitting in the dark on the couch.

And she would be like, oh, you're home?

Well, while you were out, guess what I listened to?

And then

I would get an earful.

And then she would be like, you got a fire, Mike.

What do you do?

I'd be like, all right.

Oh, I'd be like, get him, you're promoted.

Well, I'm not going to beat a doghouse.

I'm not fucking stupid.

He left it in.

You should have cut it.

Yeah, you can't run around ragging about that shit and then expect your boss's wife to make sure that shit and have you fucked up.

She likes Mike a lot, though, but I think if she did find out, I think her opinion would go down the tubes.

She would judge him.

It would take a

bit.

Because firstly, she wouldn't be because of the act.

I think it would be because

the telling.

Yeah, she thinks that's an intimate thing.

Why are you like currying points?

She wouldn't be wrong.

No one can figure out why the fuck you're here.

It doesn't work out at all.

Oh, God.

What is your plan for the Super Bowl, Q?

Yeah, no, I'm going to go to Sal's house.

Me and him are going to watch it.

Is it a big party or just you and Sal?

No, no, he invites quite a few people over.

Yeah.

Now, is this.

Not me.

I found out.

Oh, you're all like that.

I found out somebody else told me.

They were like, hey, I'm going to be on Staten Island Sunday.

And I was like, oh, what for?

And they were like, Sal's Super Bowl party.

Oh, so you're crashing it?

No, I turned, I leaned out my, it was a dressing room misery index.

I go, whoa, I was like, what's going on?

You having people over Sunday?

And he's like, You don't like football.

I was like, I like fun.

I like hanging out.

He's like, Come, come.

I was like, All right, I'll come.

So, you had a party, Brian.

Who's playing?

Uh, Niners and the Chiefs.

Now, you're sick.

Are you going to be,

so are you going to be able to watch it?

Are you going to have enough energy?

Um, I could have been a picture of health.

The energy it would take to even turn the TV on to watch something I care that little about.

Yeah,

maybe you got a big show, right?

Are you are you betting money?

Me?

Yeah.

No, I don't think.

Are you going to the Boxers or anything?

Is there a team that you feel is a lock?

I don't know.

Yeah, this one's a real coin flip in my eyes.

I have no idea who's going to win this one.

I hope the Chiefs do only because of the coach who's been around for so long and hasn't won anything.

Andy Reid?

Yeah.

Yeah, there's a reason he's

not an awesome coach.

Oh, he's a pretty awesome coach.

I know, but he just hasn't been able to win the big one.

He can't win the big one, though.

Now, you got a live show, right, Mink?

I do.

The Super Duper Bowl 2.

This is the second year that Brian was at the last one.

Oh, you're not going to two?

Well, they figured he wouldn't want to come, and I believe they're probably right.

Yeah, so what happens?

It's at the House of Independence, which I think we've all been to.

We've actually all performed there at one time.

Oh, it's an Asbury Park.

It's an Asbury Park.

Yeah, it's a theater they have there.

They're going to be projecting the game, and there's going to be podcasting going on at the same time.

Who are some of the acts they can look forward to?

Carl.

And if I can get a ticket, maybe I'll go on down.

Yeah, we can get you in you don't need to buy a ticket uh i think they got they have a couple uh comedians um i don't know them but apparently they're well known uh they have a cover band called the carl malones and uh last year maroon five played the halftime show this band covered maroon five for our halftime show so this year they're gonna be covering j-lo and shakira so i'm actually looking forward to that but it's called the uh not so super bowl 2 and uh mike what the not so super bowl oh no it's called the super bowl i'm sorry what the f got confused

TSD makes the world takes.

No, no, no.

It's called the Super Super Bowl.

I'm sorry.

The Super Duper Bowl II.

I'm sorry.

The Natsuk Super Bowl II is my nightmare.

The Super Duper Bowl II, it's called.

And they have Mike dressing up in a, he's the referee.

He's playing the role of a referee.

Really?

They're getting him in the zebra outfit, and he's going to be calling penalties, I guess.

And

announcing

on the podcasters, I guess.

If they say something he doesn't like, he calls penalties.

This is the Zaney part of the event.

Okay.

Yeah, he's going to announce a two-minute warning.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

Apparently, that role went to Chris Ledondo last year, and Ledondo, after one quarter, was like, well, screw this, and he left.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, he quit.

Jeez.

But Mike has vowed not to quit.

Why did he quit?

He couldn't take the pressure?

I guess, or it wasn't what he thought it was going to be.

And he was like, hey, I've had enough, and he just left.

That's not true.

Do you feel Mike has what it takes to hang in the whole time?

I think so.

Yeah.

Does he have enough zaniness to go around?

I think his zaniness knows no bounds.

That's not like Chris, though, right?

To quit and just walk out?

Nothing.

I've known him.

No.

Apparently, that's what happened.

Wow.

Did you reach out to him and find out why he did?

No, I didn't have enough energy to find him really care.

I really didn't care.

Are you not an organizer?

You're just a guest.

No, no, I'm just a guest.

I'm just participating.

I can't run everything in this town, man.

Podcast related.

I try.

I try, but yeah.

Ming love is in the air.

So someone grabbed the life salt.

Just kidding.

It's another edge.

We're talking about Myundi's.

Yep.

Myundi's has the most adorable Valentine's Day prints to get all lovey-dovey.

Don't worry if you don't have a boo.

Myundi's also makes buddy bands so you can match with your pet, which is honestly more important than people.

Valentine's Day is coming up.

Considered that, Walt.

What, me and Cooper?

Buddy band for your dogs?

Me and Cooper dressing alike.

We have on occasion already,

not just underwear, but our outside clothes too.

Yeah, yeah, we when we walk down the street wearing the same outfits, you should see the looks we get, the attention love it, or oh my god, yeah, I mean, people want to take snap photos, you know, yeah, selfies, yeah, he's adorable.

I mean, he's the

yeah, he could pull off any outfit too,

yeah, anything

yeah, come on, man, that dog's gonna fucking wear it and ain't gonna wear it.

Rose and red eye are blue, your butt is cute, rhyming is dumb,

Why do they waste so much time with this shit?

Someone told us that Myundi's has a new loungewear.

Okay.

So Myondi's has new loungewear.

Rumor has that it's loungewear you can wear out and about.

Keep your eyes peeled for some cozy new additions.

They all said, this is really weird.

This is very, very

unusually poorly written copy, man.

Look, I'm here to tell you, we all wear Miyundi's, and that is by design.

Well, I would would wear it.

But if they fucking sent me the stuff, what's that?

I said, I.

You don't get it.

I don't get it.

Where does it go to?

Does it go into the store?

No.

No.

The only Meandy's that comes to the store is mine.

I don't understand.

I don't understand.

I used to, I wear me on these.

I have stock from when I used to get it, but not anymore.

Never got my blue chew.

I'm going to look into this.

But the reason you didn't get the blue chew

is because you didn't do

the online psychologist.

Oh, they didn't just send us like an unmarked bag of blue chew?

No, they just couldn't send you a fucking brown bag,

a lunch bag of blue chew.

You got to go through a fucking physical.

Oh, that's right.

We were going to call as a commercial.

I was going to call and do it, but

whatever.

Anyway.

Myundis has a great offer for any first-time purchasers, get 15% off in free shipping.

It's a no-brainer because they have 100% satisfaction guarantee.

So to get your 15% off your first pair of free shipping and 100% satisfaction guarantee, go to meundis.com slash T-E-S-D.

That's meundiz.com/slash T-E-S-D.

Myundi's.

All right.

That's Myundi's.

No more ads.

If I invest in this business, the first thing you got to do is invest in fucking proper climate control.

Yeah, it's warm in here.

Holy shit.

Well, I mean, you know, with that money, we can move to a better building.

Oh, okay.

For a startup.

Yeah, I understand.

It's always hot in here.

They can never.

Brian's got the right idea.

Shirt off, tank top.

Yeah, look at him.

I'm naked from the waist down.

Yeah, he's cool.

62 in his in his environment.

Yeah.

Well, Ming, if you are a startup, though, like, why are, why isn't it like the old dot-com days?

Like, shouldn't you guys have like

tons of like excess going on and shit, like just blowing through investors' money?

Yeah, I don't have any investors' money to blow right now.

That's why I need like BQ's like investor-like.

I'm happy with that fucking plan.

You know.

and this is all seriousness.

This is not like, this is not telling Steve Dave

jokes or anything.

You know, so many people with fucking fat wallets.

I do.

Have you not made the pitch?

I'm making, I'm still, it's got to be a good pitch.

I'm working on it.

How long is this pitch going to take to fucking put together, though?

It's not that long.

I mean,

it's not getting any younger.

It's got to be a good pitch, though.

You're asking for

it.

Once you have your pitch put together, do you have any whales that you have in your sites?

I was looking at one of them, right?

But you're not a white white.

You know a lot of whales.

I do know some whales.

I know a whale on the west coast.

I know.

Yes, I do.

Right?

You know a whale out at the coral reef.

Coral sword, yeah.

Coral sword.

You're right.

I do know people with substantial sums of money that want to invest in somebody.

I just got to put together a proper pitch.

That's all.

What would you go to?

What would be the company you would bring you like to make your proposal?

like a pitch team or uh, what's that?

Like a like a deck, a pitch deck, like a ad agency, a public PR firm, yeah, PR firm to make your pitch, man.

I can write my own pitch, PR firms, you haven't PR firms are expensive, yeah, they are.

They're yeah, they started, yeah, they started.

Why don't you go with the guy uh who gave you the bazooka shit?

He's not a PR.

But they, uh, yeah, you're right, they're they did work a PR company, yeah.

I could ask him.

I think I could put together my own pitch, really, yes,

all right.

All right, boys,

You got to go back and lay down?

I think I'm going to go lie down.

Yeah, we got this.

Oh, man, I cannot wait for this fucking cruise.

It's coming up.

I cannot wait.

It's going to be warm.

Yeah.

And fucking nice.

Some partying.

Partying.

Yeah.

I better not get shut down because of this fucking virus shit, though.

Nah, I don't think so.

We're all pulling for you.

Yep.

Thank you.

Thank you.

We're all pulling.

Ming, there are a lot of Chinese people.

I was watching this little thing about the wire

and where it's like centralized in Corona.

And they're like, yeah, like 10 million people.

It's a blip on the fucking map.

I'm like, then you look at the rest of China and you're like,

that's a lot of people, man.

There are a lot of Chinese people, yes.

There are a ton.

Do you think there are enough Chinese people?

To like take over the world?

Yeah, probably.

Well, no, definitely that.

Oh, just in general?

Yeah,

I think we're good.

I mean, there are so many that they're limiting that.

Like, what are you guys trying to prove by having so many people?

Do they let other people into the country, or is it just like Chinese people?

I think they let you can immigrate to China to live there permanently?

Sure, yeah, of course you can.

All right.

So they're like, welcome, come.

Yeah, yeah.

Open borders, open borders, China.

They're like, everybody is welcome.

I mean, within reason, you know, they have different.

They operate by a set of different.

Within reason, what does that mean?

Meaning, like,

I've exposed one.

I don't know if you could start your own Tell him Steve Dave out there, and that's not a world I want to live in.

So that's why I live here in the good old United States of America.

God bless this country.

USA.

USA.

USA.

Tell him, Steve Dave.