#431: Ill Communication

I don't want any more suppress stories.

It's just it hurts too bad.

It just it hurts too bad.

I'd rather throw up.

This will be great for you.

Cha-cha-cha-cha.

Come on, man.

Please say it.

Please say it.

Please.

I throw fuel while I want to get the fuck out of here.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Thank you.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em, Steve, Dave, broadcasting from the Jay and Silent Bob Gentleman's Club.

There is glitter all over me.

I can only imagine a parade of strippers who are shopping for comics.

Is that what this glitter is about?

Not as exciting as that, more just type of like painting with glitter.

Just had this little artistic

urge to experiment with glitter.

And it's been a big mistake.

It's so much of a messy and

problemsome

getting it off the poker table, getting it on my clothes constantly.

But I came into some free glitter, so that's really what happened.

Right.

I mean, how are you supposed to turn that down?

Free glitter.

I came into a case of free glitter, and I was like, all right, I'm going to use this.

And I've been painting with glitter and doing some special things.

Nothing really all that great.

Usually glitter and art projects are reserved for special needs and therapy, but

there you go.

Well, we don't have Q here, but we have someone very special and maybe even more handsome.

I don't debate that at all.

No, not at all.

I mean, it's, dude, like,

what my life might have been like if I had the looks of a Brian Michelle versus a Brian Johnson.

The puss.

The non-stop puss.

I can only imagine.

Brian Nichelle, the former showrunner of Comic Book Men, which I learned today is an exec producer, and Showrunner was just sort of invented for.

Yeah, Showrunner is sort of what...

It's like an inside business term, inside entertainment term.

People use it, but you never see it on screen.

It hasn't become its own credit.

Think about it.

And that means you run everything, right?

You run the show.

Yeah, you're kind of the creative leader of the show.

There's usually a bunch of executive producers.

You got your network people, your people who

run the production company, and people are getting executive producer credit

for various reasons, but there's generally one showrunner who often gets an executive producer or a co-executive producer credit, and that is the person who is running the show show day to day in the trenches the big kahuna yeah yeah the boss the boss man oh yeah big boss man

it's very rare that you or i stay in contact with people um

from the past like we don't make new friends usually

uh

so staying in contact with brian nichelle for both of us is it's rare it is rare i have a habit though like bosses love me oh yeah yeah former bosses they all seem to really love me like my old boss timmy timmy you know where was timmy from uh Where I used to work at the community center when I was a younger guy,

working with

children in need.

Yes, I've heard many a tale from the rec center.

So you went from the wreck to the stash to the show.

I'm sure Kev still loves me, too.

I'd have to say so.

Yeah, so the bosses, I don't know what it is.

Universally beloved.

By bosses.

By bosses.

By bosses.

Sorry, what else we got to worry about?

Yeah, no, I mean, I loved you.

Listen, if you want to call me, if I was ever your boss, I'm on it.

Oh, you're definitely the boss.

Title, boss.

Yeah, because with that comes the respect.

Definitely had.

You were definitely the boss and was very, but a good boss.

One of the best ones I ever had.

Well, I think the thing is,

I never felt like you were a boss, but I respected your opinion on nearly everything.

So

it's like you just agree.

There's no reason to

get into it.

But that didn't come, but that didn't come initially right away, though.

That built over.

Did you notice it all?

I did.

I noticed a change from the icy coldness when I first entered the stash here.

Oh, you're back.

Don't try telling us what to do.

Don't try to be funny.

Oh, no.

No,

it was never that.

It was more like just that.

I don't want any of you here.

I just want to do my own thing.

I don't care about TV.

I don't care about any of this shit.

It's hard to trust somebody because you feel you come across a little bit like a used car salesman, like, this will be great for you.

Come on, man.

Do this.

It'll be great.

I think they call it that Eric Duncaning.

He was Michelle's right-hand man for many seasons.

You know,

I see that I come off that way.

I feel like, not that I don't try to do that, but I feel like the energy I

feel about something or what I can envision something being, I have to impart that to you guys or whoever is the cast in front of me.

So I'll often

on,

I guess, subconsciously try to convey it to you.

Like, okay, this is happening and it's going to be awesome.

Yeah, enthusiasm.

Yeah, but you tried to, like, you know, inject me with enthusiasm, which sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't.

I wish you had tried to inject me with delotted.

I would have been a lot happier.

Yeah, no, listen, I was just like I was saying to Brian before.

Look, I just referenced something that none of these people heard.

But

I was saying that before, like, I immediately entered and knew I was not going to be a heavy-handed producer with you guys.

Heavy-handed in the sense where I'd be like, This is your character, and this is your character, and you guys are going to do this, and then you should say this, and then he'll say this.

Like, I would never, the minute I met you guys, I'm like, just stand back, give them the room to do what they do.

That's sort of been my mantra from the show from the beginning.

So, you guys already had

great personalities that were fully formed from life and from podcasting.

So, so it really made my job easy and so yeah I but I could see me coming in with that enthusiasm feeling like what the hell is this guy trying to sell us

what is he trying to make me be well yeah I mean because you're not going into a place where the guys aren't cynical and suspicious it's like next level cynicism almost no and it's just like the the you know the name TV producer carries with it lots of negative connotations, you know, that Walt, I think, aptly put as used car salesman.

Yeah.

I mean, because we had come off the first one that we had, the first guy who was in charge, who didn't last very long.

Scars.

Yeah, wanted Ming to go out on stage in a nude speedo, right?

Or something like that?

And we would pull his clothes.

That was that guy.

No, we were all going to go out in

bathrobes or something.

On stage at the Count Basie, the theater.

It was something really weird.

Something really busy.

They wanted to humiliate Ming.

Like, almost show him naked, or at least in his underwear.

Yeah, I remember Walt was like, what?

We're going to pant him in front of.

It was really just like, oh.

I'm going to withhold any comment because that guy's one of my best friends in the world.

Yeah, Pete.

Yeah.

Pete Delesh, correct.

Yeah.

Nice guy, but his ideas were just not.

Well, not us.

They probably would work for any other four dudes.

They would have probably

just for us, it just didn't, it didn't come across, didn't.

gel with the way I think we were.

And that's why it took a little bit, coming off that, it took a little bit longer probably to trust and to realize, you know, that you weren't a car salesman, you know.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, Pete's biggest flaw was just not being from New Jersey.

Oh, yeah?

I think so.

I've told him that.

But the greatest thing that ever happened to me, well, I don't know, besides, you know, whatever, my children being born and stuff.

They're not going to hear it.

You can say it.

The greatest professional thing ever happened to me, you know, just falling ass backwards.

And the comic book men, you know, came at the expense of Pete Delasho, who, you know, we were working in the same office.

And so I was with him while this

was developed.

And yeah, and then then I kind of started

go down oh

I know and I say you know he went to IJ right

he did he did yeah he went to IJ so it all it all worked out but I'll still bust his balls about that like you know your big mouth got me like the greatest gig and a nice fucking seven year run he said something to the uh Elise or something I thought he said something

uh

chauvinistic or some shit and that got her mad no it was like he went something about footage that was never going to be used and um and that really what

along with like, you know, pantsing Ming in front of a fucking

crowded theater.

We're at the Count Basie.

It's like, I can't believe we're on stage at the Count Basie.

And you want me to pull my friend's pants down?

We hadn't even filmed anything, though.

This was the very first thing we were going to do.

The first thing they want us to do is go on stage in front of a full-packed audience and pull Ming's pants down.

And I was like, that is not us.

Yeah, not right.

We had to wait till season three to get Ming in an orange speedo, at least in the parking lot of the stash.

At least it was consensual, though.

Yeah.

Yeah, there's a big difference.

When he's like, I'll do it.

That's a big difference than him not knowing we're going to do it.

Well, that's the thing.

It's like when you walk into a show, you know, one like this,

you usually aren't met with people who are like, we never thought we'd be on TV and we really don't give a fuck if we're on TV now.

Ming is not like that.

Ming wanted it.

Ming would be still doing it today, even if they were like, you got to do it for free.

He wouldn't care.

So when you walk in and immediately people are like, I don't know, I guess.

Like, if we don't do it our way, we're not going to, we don't want to do it.

But you are so like-minded with so many things.

One of my favorite moments, though, is

being told not to do something by you.

And we were like behind the counter, and some guy brought in a bunch of hockey shit devil stuff, and Walt was going to buy a gift for Kev.

I think that was the storyline.

And I had this piece, this like a little hockey statue of somebody, Gretzky, maybe, and it was worth like 700 bucks or whatever.

And I'm looking at it, and every once in a while, Nichelle would text me, you know, like, do this, say this, whatever.

And I get a text from him.

It says, do not break that.

And I was about to drop it.

He was right.

Like, that's how on the same level where I was about to drop it.

I see the text.

I'm like, fine.

Yeah, people would come in and

this is my prize possession.

Just promise me when you get it back at the end of this.

I wanted to bobble it and let it hit the floor.

But nobody wanted to weigh 700 bucks, I guess.

There are,

like you think back, like over seven seasons, everything was so truncated.

Like we do everything from the beginning of July pretty much to the beginning of September,

which is a lot of shit to get in for.

Like, do you normally shoot stuff that quickly, or do they give you a little breathing room?

No, you normally shoot stuff that quickly.

Rumming gun, as they say?

Yeah, just get it done, you know.

I mean, we had some packed days, you know, I mean, I really, I felt for you guys those days.

We would just be, you know, I would just not relent with the banter topics, you know, and we would do, you know, three transactions and then, you know, eight banter conversations.

That's a lot of shit for you guys to generate, you know, from your mouths.

Now,

are those banter conversations still somewhere?

Because like you look at an average episode, it's not uncommon that we would banter for an hour, hour and a half sometimes, like at the end of the day.

So when you see the show and there's like literally 30 seconds of banter throughout the episode, you're like, where'd the rest go?

Because you know there was some great stuff in there.

Did they just purge it?

Well, I have to say,

when you break it down, you start going through all of them.

I feel like we just made it.

Every season, I felt like, shit, we're going to have to shoot more banter just because.

Really?

Some of them felt so strong.

Exactly.

That's why they were on TV.

Or you mean ones that didn't end up on TV?

The ones that didn't end up on TV.

Because you only use small parts of them.

Yeah.

I mean, everything we're saying, I mean, you may as well be spinning gold like fucking rubble still skinny.

Yeah, no,

the banters were generally like 25 seconds to 50 seconds long.

Yeah.

Occasionally, there'd be a longer one.

You know, but then it was an art.

There was a couple of editors who were great at cutting banters.

And, you know, you'd get a really long conversation, you'd know that there's gold in there, and then they'd spit you back a 30-second version of it, and it's hysterical.

And it holds your interest all the time.

And it was great when everybody, when all four of you could chime in, and everybody could have, you know, and then there's sometimes you'd have multiple punchlines.

It's like, oh, well, does, you know, Walt end it or does Brian end it?

But yeah, it's funny.

I would imagine you would feel that way because we kind of belabored it and it was like, talk, talk, talk, kick this around.

Over seven years, all that banter?

Yeah, but it sounds like so much.

We used a lot of it, you know?

Yeah, if you think about it, you know, there'd be sometimes a banter, always a banter at the top of the show.

And then, you know, before you get to a transaction, there's a banter.

And also, it's burned once you use that.

It's like you can't go pick other stuff out of it, even if it's good.

You have to put it in.

You have your buttons to it.

But

those were the funnest times, you know, just, you know, even picking the banters became really fun.

You know, we'd have the list, and the list would hold over from, you know, one season to the next.

And then there would be a master list of topics, you know.

And then, you know, we used to say, like, we would, I don't know why, we were withholding the list from you guys.

We would yell them at it.

Oh, yeah, because they didn't want us to talk about it off camera.

Right.

Yeah.

And so then after a while, while, we're like, just give them a list.

Put a check next to the shit you want to talk about, you know.

I've always wanted, like, for people who

aren't aware, though, you came, how many shows did you do before Comic Bookman?

TV shows?

Yeah.

Or like, just like stuff like, because like you came from what I feel

almost every show you've done besides this is real manly shit.

Real fucking like, you know, macho.

Guys are

wrestling and stabbing wild boars for their dinner.

Right.

Like you worked with

men's men, right?

I mean, you're talking about like

throwbacks, guys who are tough as nails.

So when you get the call, you're like, you're going to go work at our comic books.

You've got to have preconceived notions.

He did?

And then I need to know, like,

even after that, there must have been like the comparisons.

It's got to be like two.

It's got to be night and day.

Yeah, it is.

I have to say, it's night and day, but in your favor, because

we had.

We're manlier.

No,

you're not manlier, you know, but you're barely men.

Are you guys not identifying as transgender at this point?

No, no.

It was very, it was refreshing.

But we had common ground.

I didn't know how much

my...

incessant television watching throughout the 70s and 80s would come into play.

You couldn't have known.

Just like we couldn't have known.

Like, you know, I was doing Brady Bunch trivia games in college with people, you know what I mean?

Like, and then to all of a sudden step in here and I'm like, I was intimidated because, you know, that the sort of the

cliche of nerds and comic book geeks, it's very intimidating to walk in and expect like the comic book guy from.

I think that's so weird, though, when you think about it.

I guess it's like everybody, though, you're intimidated.

I know I was intimidated by all this crew and all these people who know, like, you know, come from so what you would seem, you know, on shows, worldly and everything.

So you feel, it's just weird that everybody's feeling intimidated and there was no need for it yeah well it's the unknown you know

fuck a couple of weak sisters i wasn't intimidated by anyone oh come on you know what i'm saying so like by these guys who know what they're doing and coming in and you and you're like i don't know to me i'll tell you why i wasn't because i knew what i was doing all i had to do was sit there like i didn't have like you had a lot of heavy lifting i was there to strategically make remarks to belittle people like that's much easier i think than not only carrying like the transactions and that kind of shit doing the workouts what about intimidated just like being around a crew, being around strangers, being around people, and hearing their war stories where they're talking about, you know, like, yeah, there was a fucking guy.

He slid a fucking boar's throat and he drank the blood.

And I'm like, all right, let's talk about Spider-Man, guys.

Or you could have slid a boar's throat if you wanted to.

No, I was saying, we found we had common ground in the 70s and 80s pop culture.

I didn't know anything about comics, and that's why I think I was really intimidated because of that reputation of like a comic book shop being like a really like geeky record store, right?

Where you go in there judging every pick you do and like you're going to make some reference and I'm not going to know it.

And you guys would be like, who's this fraud in charge of a comic book show?

And I admitted it to you guys.

I'm like, God, I think I read a comic in 77, 78, and that was it.

Well, coming in, you said you didn't think you'd like us because you thought it would be like four comic book guys from The Simpsons, just like douchebags.

I don't think I said I wouldn't like you.

You told me that.

I remember you telling me that, like,

having not met us, you're like, i i wasn't sure if i would like you guys okay wasn't sure i wasn't sure i wasn't sure that's true

but i i you know listen not that you needed to but you win me over really quickly i love you guys i can't get enough i'm still here winning you over isn't the big problem winning him over

that was the moment you know it was funny there was that just that one time everybody on the show had that where somebody would come to me and be like hey man Walt just came up to me and just started talking to me.

You know, I didn't know he could could talk like wow man he must really like me that's huge and every single network executive that every ever visited this uh comic book shop which we called our set at the time uh came up to me at some point and said something to the effect of hey man does walt have a problem with me

And again, it's all stems from like that intimidation of like you're like, I'm just going to be quiet.

I'm just not going to say anything to anybody.

It's not because I'm trying to be aloof or I'm trying to be like a jerk.

It's just like just not comfortable with myself.

And

it comes across in a way that sometimes is not accurate, though.

Walt, it's like with any sweet reward,

it's worth putting the time in to get to peel back the layers of a Walt Flanagan and get to that juicy, gooey center, like a piece of freshened up gum.

Yeah, I know.

He's kind of all bothered over here.

But, you know,

it was worth it.

You know, you got to take your time with a Walt Flanagan.

It's like when you go to somebody's house and they have a dog and you're trying to get the dog to pet you and the dog's like, you know, it's like, yeah, I'm not going to pet you.

And you keep going after it.

Just ignore the dog.

Well, that dude just hates everybody.

He'll bite you.

And then it comes over to you and he licks you and he's wagging his tail and you feel like, oh, wow, that dog senses that I'm a good person.

It makes you feel better about yourself.

It's like the Walt Flanagan of dogs.

He's over here.

He's accepted.

How did this happen?

Right.

You just

happened.

You need to let it happen.

You can't force yourself on the Walt Flanagan.

You need to let it happen.

Very natural.

Yeah.

Brian and I bonded

very quickly

over just our general anger and rage

world.

Cut from the same cloth in many ways.

Yeah.

Very, very sort of violent fantasies

that we like to express to each other, knowing that there'll be no judgments and most likely.

No, no one else.

Yeah, yeah, we keep that to ourselves.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, there are certain people, as soon as I'm done, I delete the text.

I'm like, people can't see this shit.

Yeah.

Epic rants, you know.

So it was good.

We were good.

We would vent our frustrations to each other.

But I got to tell you,

usually not show-related, by the way.

No, certainly not show-related.

The show was.

And then just the random stuff around, you know, Red Bank that you'd run into, you know.

And so, oh, actually, one of the greatest things was just the ability to be creative and for me to know, to never try to stifle the creativity that went on with you guys.

But we always talked about what we called the Red Bank outfit, right?

The teenage girls in the short, short, short cutoff jeans that look like underwear.

This probably would be better in a text.

Yeah, I don't remember that.

I got no recollection.

Yeah, they were like 19, 18.

But, you know, and then you wanted to wear the shorts as a little homage to the Red Bank Alpha.

Do you wore those shorts to the Batmobile visit down at the dock there?

Those shorts made quite a few appearances there on IJ.

This is unbelievable.

The pockets hanging out.

Do you have

some

your favorite top five memories of Comic Book Men?

even even if they didn't make make it on camera

It's like even some behind-the-camera stuff that no one knows like things that you'd be like oh, that was I really fondly recall that the time I convinced the time I convinced Mike the show was canceled.

That's why he was never on

That's got to be number one

I'm gonna say

was it a guest, you know, because I know that there was some guests that came in that

you were you were like

You could tell that you were you were like like totally like in awe that they were coming in.

Absolutely.

And

the respect and just the

starry-eyed look.

I mean, you definitely brought some people in who did that to you.

We're not talking about Shazam, by the way.

Oh, that was interesting.

That's a guy.

He became friends.

He becomes friends with everybody.

He can't get away from these people.

They're texting him while he's out in the middle of the Antarctic Ocean.

That's true.

Ryan, I was on the boat going to Antarctica.

I get a text from Burt Ward.

Really?

How exciting is that for me, Robin?

That's crazy.

Did you immediately tell all the guys, like all these manly men who are on those rowboats that you're doing?

Hold on, I'm killing dinner.

I don't want to hear about Robin, the boy blunder.

Hey, hey, drop that harpoon and look at my text from Robin.

So, yeah, Bert Ward fucking pops up on my phone.

He says, hey, Brian, hope everything's well.

I'm looking to get in touch with Kevin.

I saw a supergirl, blah, blah, blah.

Can you get me in touch with Kevin?

I said, no problem.

Happy New Year.

I'll do what I can.

And sent the message to somebody who sent it to Kevin.

And next thing I know, I get back from Antarctica and I'm looking at Kevin's page or somewhere on the internet.

And there's Bert Ward getting his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

And Kevin's standing there next to him.

So I texted Bert back and I said, hey, I just got back.

I see you got your star.

And Kevin was there.

Congratulations.

And a second later, I get it back.

Thank you.

New phone.

New phone.

Who this?

Bert, probably.

So, you know, I'll answer your question.

The moment that stands out in my mind as a huge,

just

a win for me in every sense of the word was when

Kevin fired the whole season to crew and the showrunner and all those people.

And I had to come in and, you know, I had to come in and

direct those final podcast sheets with Kevin.

I had to really like prep and find out what went on this season.

I was doing the other show.

And when I walked into that podcast room, that space, that set we had,

everybody clapped and was howling and applauding.

And I felt like I just won the Super Bowl.

It was very touching.

You know, I loved this show.

I did not like that I wasn't running season two.

I was consulting, although I was never consulted actually, but I was there.

I was available for consultations.

Oh, yeah, you told them that you would be available for a consultation, but they're like, we got this.

Yeah, that's right.

Which they did not have it.

Yeah.

Not even close.

Yeah.

And so, you know, walking in there, getting that reception

was wonderful.

Stan Lee.

Multiple Stan Lee appearances.

No, I wasn't there.

That first Stan Lee was season two.

Yeah, it was season two.

I actually much enjoyed the second one much more

because of your idea.

Like when Stan comes in, it's like he's there constantly and we don't give a fuck that he's there.

It's like, hey, what's up, Stan?

Like, we're so depressed at the fucking

that Kingpin's like, I'm not that much in the comics anymore.

We're like, Stan, what are we gonna do?

It's amazing.

He, uh, you know, it was such a great day.

It was a great day, man.

It was a fun day.

Stan loved it, and it was just a seamless day.

And when we were leaving, I held the door open for him, for him to leave, and he stopped and gave me that classic old-timey, like, put his hand on my shoulder.

He was like, hey, kid,

you're a hell of a director.

And I was like, I got chills.

I'm like, are you like, coming from you, Stan?

That's two.

Adam West, of course, you know, Batmobile race Batmobile race with Adam West one too right I mean it was like and the dude was like I don't know at that point I mean he's an older guy yeah he's got it's hard for him to get into the car yeah and he's still like I'll do whatever it takes he was amazing whatever you guys need love to do it I mean he was your co-pilot you were driving the Batmobile with Adam West sitting next to you yeah it was unbelievable you know to have that voice that we grew up on yeah he still had the voice and he would say like hey Walt like yeah like when he said your name when he said your name it was so surreal when he said my name and he's talking to me like not off camera like in the bat movie of what we're gonna do and i'm just looking at it i'm just like and i'm like hey can you pinch me real quick so this is not this

is not a dream or not i don't say that though it's lower

pinch me lower

um yeah i was at a con once and uh i i saw adam west this was like after you know a year or two after we had he had been on and he recognized me and i was blown away because it's like he wasn't here for that long you know but there was a certain validation.

Yeah, it is.

It's weird.

You're like, oh my God, he remembered me.

Yeah, I'm worth something

for whatever reason.

For a minute or two.

Yeah.

It wore up very quickly.

You know, it's like Kevin used to always say on those podcasts, he used to say, you know, eight-year-old Kev would have, and that, you know, it's true.

It's like, you know, I would really, you just flash back to sitting in front of your, you know, faux wood zenith.

you know, with the fucking rash cabinet and all that shit.

You know, and you're watching that show thinking that those are the two baddest-ass mofos in the world.

And all of a sudden, you got Adam West going, hey, Brian, come here.

I want to run a bit by you.

I want to run a bit by me?

Well, walk up the building sideways, flip the camera.

Like, anything he said, I said to you, I'm about to come in, and I grabbed that big statue of myself, and I drop it down on the bed.

I was like, fuck it, do whatever you want.

Oh, you're going to let him drop a statue?

No, no, no, he didn't.

It was still boxed.

Yeah, there was this whole bit.

I couldn't say no, whatever you wanted to do.

You're set, Mr.

West.

We were talking earlier on the show that I do with Iraq.

Iraq.

Would you kindly bioshock reference?

Nice.

Oh, fuck, where was I?

I'm so sick.

Oh, yeah.

You don't got that Chinese.

That's what he was saying.

Yeah.

And I told him out of courtesy, I look, I drove.

Call me a gay, will you?

I told him you wear a SARS mask.

He didn't wear a SARS mask.

He was a sick man.

What's the symptoms?

Achy,

a lot of coughing and congestion and shit.

It feels like a bad cold is what it feels like, but but oh my God.

Of all days, I'm like,

we're doing, you know, Michelle's doing his podcast tour today, doing it up in New York, then coming down here.

This is rare.

We don't really have people on that often.

You know?

Fully appreciate the seat at the table here.

And I'm playing hooky from work.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

Is there a show that, like, I mean, I'm sure you can

pick one that when you did it, you were like, oh, my fucking God.

Every second of this is torture.

I just, I want it to end.

Yeah.

We don't have to say which one.

No, no, I did a sh I, you know, for a while, I was sort of on staff at a production company.

Like, before I did Storm Chasers, I was on staff for like, I don't know, two or three years at this production company.

So I had to do whatever they gave me.

So I ended up doing things that were not necessarily in my wheelhouse or things like as a freelancer that I would have chosen to do.

So I entered like the fashion world for a couple of shows.

You know what I mean?

Like, you know, I don't really want to be in that world.

No, it it wasn't ball but there were uh you know i did a show with uh transgender women which was fun you know i mean i learned things but it wasn't necessarily in my wheelhouse but it was good stuff in the sense i i don't know i don't want to be too negative about any of it because one of the things that would it not be fascinating though no that's what i'm saying like when when you do a show with like like real housewives or like i remember jeremy and uh mom did a show with like people that worked in a nail salon like

it's like drama is not interesting.

Being transgender, that's fucking interesting.

Like, I couldn't hear enough about it.

Right.

So that's what I was going to say.

Like, I get to enter these worlds.

So when else in the world am I sitting down with three transgender women, talking to them about whatever surgeries they had and the whole thing from, you know, beginning to end when they discovered this and how it went.

And,

you know, that's just,

I could find negative things to say about

almost anything I've done, but I love the ability to enter these little worlds.

And a lot of times you enter them, you leave them, and you're like, great, I learned a bunch.

I don't need to go back into that world.

Obviously, I'm sitting here today because this was one of the worlds I loved.

And to bring it around again to what I said before, is like, I feel like we bonded so, so, not, not instantly, but pretty, fairly quickly.

We bonded, like me and the, and the four of you, and Rob Bruce, um,

just out of that, that, the fact that we grew up in the 70s.

You know what I mean?

We had all those references, and that was, that was all I had to bring to the table besides, like, I I know how to produce a show, whatever.

But for me to sit there and come up with banter topics, every one of them had to do with television shows.

It was never comic-related.

You know what I mean?

So that was always my biggest fear that

somebody at the network would be like, hey, you know, somebody from Marvel or somebody wants to interview you.

I'm like, you know I'm a fraud.

I got no comic book rap.

Even to this day, I have no comic book rap.

Well, I revealed after Comic Book Man was canceled.

One of the biggest secrets that I kept, you know, that I like, I was terrified.

I lived seven years with the fear that this was going to come out and somebody was going to find out that I hadn't read a new comic book in seven years.

The whole time we were shooting.

The whole time we were shooting.

I had grown out of the new stuff and I was just buying old stuff.

Meanwhile, look at how I lived my life during the show.

Unrepentant junkie, going missing, total fuck up.

And he's like, what if people found out I didn't read a new Superman?

The secrets we keep.

The dark web of people.

Why don't don't they keep it a secret?

I'm like, I need more pills.

Yeah, but I was so like worried that people would come in and like, you know, like when the at the height of the show, they'd come in and they want to talk to you.

Oh my god, do they want to talk to me?

And so I would have to like fake,

especially like something that was like Walking Dead related.

Did you see the new issue of Walking Dead?

Or did you watch the new episode of Walking Dead?

Be like, oh my God, I would have to fake it and be like, and just

like, just snow my way through and convince them that i i did read it and i did know what they were talking about in the most like vague general generalities

yeah uh so it was like i said man i would go home like sweaty like oh my god someone's gonna realize that i would you run home it's like no i just

i didn't read the new super man

but i thought that would come across pretty fucking poorly on a kind of show about the only show

in existence about comic books well and one of the guys like while kev doesn't read new comics and then i don't read new comics mike would have been goddamn well idols.

Yeah, so it would have been really a poor form, I don't think.

I'm sure AMC wouldn't have been happy.

Yeah, no, no.

Well, thank God we were living in the past on this show.

Like, everything we talked about.

He rarely talked about new stuff.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

We didn't talk anything about it.

And that's the one year we had.

Remember the one producer we had, Jamie?

Oh, that guy.

Yeah, he was.

He knew his shit.

He knew comics.

So he would pitch stuff to me.

He got a job at D.C.

eventually.

Yeah, I went to see in L.A.

He got a job at D.C.

So clearly knows his shit.

So he would come to me and be like, hey, we should do a storyline with this and that.

And I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about, but it's not interesting because it's not related to the shit that I know.

Yeah.

The past.

So we lived in the past, right?

I mean, think about it.

Gloriously, though, man.

I mean, we had

Jamie Lindsey Wagner.

Lindsey Wagner.

Jamie Summers.

Jamie Summers.

Highlight.

I mean, I'm the dude from Ghostbusters.

Ernie Hudson.

You worked in an ice cream truck selling comics with Ernie Hudson, who, by the way, is on a Netflix series now.

I mean, the list goes on and on.

Lou Farigno.

I'm going to put Lou Farigno in my top five.

I still haven't answered your question.

I gave you three.

Okay.

But Lou Farigno was a seminal character in my upbringing because my father was into weightlifting and he was really into pumping iron.

We had a VHS tape of pumping iron.

So I had seen pumping iron when I was a kid.

And my father somehow was at the gym with Lou and his father.

There was this whole connection where Lou was like a hero in our house.

And we used to watch The Hulk.

And my father had all these stories and would show me these old magazines about, you know, weightlifting magazines from Lou.

And it was really funny because I

wanted,

I wanted my father to come down and meet Lou Farigno.

I'm like, dad, he's coming to the comic shop.

Like, you can meet Lou Farigno.

And my father's a way, way, way introverted, right?

Doesn't want to talk to anyone, doesn't want to do anything.

And he's like, oh, yeah, maybe.

And my mother's like, he's not going to go.

I'm like, dad, don't fall into that.

You can go and meet Lou Farigno, man.

So in the end,

he kind of led me on.

He didn't come, but he gave me a magazine.

He's like, can you have Lou sign this for me?

so i so i took it um and then actually i had breakfast with lou and my wife my wife came down and we had breakfast with lou which is a a highlight of my life awesome so that's four that's four um

you know you're gonna miss one that was like there's there's a lot of them you know you look back there was a lot of like like i can't weird like wow i can't believe they came down i can't believe this you know celebrity from the 70s is here the one that the one that we always chased though i mean it's the only regret.

White whale?

It's the only regret is how you couldn't get the fucking white whale in a leather jacket.

Yeah,

that is the only one, man.

Boy, did we have plans for that?

Yeah, we did.

We tried catching the quarters on our elbows, all of it.

Oh, we did it all.

Lip-ups we were going to do on the register.

God, it was going to be fantastic.

We were all going to be dressed like Fonzie.

Yeah.

He would have been treated

like a fucking demigod.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I did.

Um,

I did the Jim and Sam show one time, like over the summer, and I walked out, you know, after I was done, I walked out and the producer Roland is talking to Henry Winkler, and I had to talk to Roland.

So I'm standing this close to Henry Winkler looking at him.

I'm like, what the fuck?

This is crazy.

And I wanted to ask for a picture so badly.

And I'm like, if he says no, it'll be crushing.

So I'm just like, fuck it.

Then later on, Roland was like, he's the nicest guy ever.

He 100% would have taken a picture.

There's no way he says no.

Yeah.

But you're right.

Yeah, that was the one.

He ended up doing a show called Barry.

Because

when you were like, we're trying to get him, but he may be doing this other show.

I always had the attitude of like, yeah, bullshit.

Like, I never believed anyone with that kind of stuff.

They just don't want to do it.

But yeah, he was on a show, Barry, which was actually really good.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, he was really, like, real acting.

Yeah, yeah, it's a good job.

You know, not being like, hey, make my Kim-do lip-ups.

He's like,

this is where my career's at?

Well, that's the thing.

No matter what you've done, you know, after, you know, 1978, when you enter comic book men, that's it.

You're Arthur Fonzarelli.

I don't care children's books, Academy Awards, whatever it was.

In this house, you're Arthur Fonzarelli, and you better fucking throw those thumbs up.

Yeah.

Yeah, we didn't get it.

Or you can sit on it.

One I reference a lot when people ask me about this show is Billy D.

Williams.

Because the conceit behind Billy's visit here was unbelievable.

And the way that was the most unbelievable scenario that played out at this very table.

I forget why.

We always had a reason why they would enter the store.

Like, well, what are they doing in the red?

We had the big Millennium Festival.

But how did he know?

He heard about it?

Saw it online or he saw the episode.

Okay.

Even better.

So there you go.

Billy Day Williams at home.

That was true.

It's about 12:15 a.m.

He's lots of comic book men.

Season 2.

That's being kind.

Yeah, exactly.

You're like 2 a.m.

What time zone is he in?

He comes in and you guys play go fish

for which was an homage to what, right?

Didn't he lose it in a poker battle, the real Millennium Falcon or something like that?

Yes.

He also appeared sedated.

Like,

I thought he was just old and out of it, but then I hear like something he did recently.

It's like.

He was just in a new Star Wars.

Yeah, that's it.

Yeah, that's what.

Yeah, it must have been you that said that.

Well, I question that.

Really?

I questioned they're doing a lot of stuff with computers and stuff.

Yeah, you can tell.

I questioned that was really him.

Was it him?

Yeah, because I only shot him from the neck

well you know we fell asleep for seven seconds at the counter standing up when we were shooting our little bit here I think he just was I think he still hadn't gotten off the plane from the west coast when uh he got when he rolled him in here to play do that he was like I'm fucking Lando Calvar see that I'm playing

I'm gonna play go fish with who is this guy

I guess I guess I don't know you got a list of all the best Billy D.

William lines from out from through the ages

and it's

Colt 45 Colt 45.

What was that line?

I don't remember the line, but if people would just yell at, like, his handler would yell it to him, he would just say the line.

Yeah, he'd say the lines.

And then he did that whole line.

He got the Falcon, tied it to the limo.

We rented a limo for him with a driver.

And the Millennium Falcon was bungee corded to the limo.

And then he said that

thing from Empire or Star Wars about like the old pirate or something.

Yes, that's right.

I mean, come on.

Like, that was.

What he called you an old pirate?

Yeah.

It was a line.

Like, we did it like verbatim.

We were like, hey, do the line.

And it's like, what's the line?

And we gave him the line.

Don't you wish it meant more to you?

Like, there are people who would be like...

Yes, in the moment, it really didn't.

But I think as I get further away from it.

I agree.

Yeah.

As you get further away from it.

I guess that's almost like in anything.

If you're able to distance yourself from it a little bit, you look back on it with more fondness than you did in the moment.

Right.

Yeah.

Well, for you, it's like

it's over.

Like, I don't have to do it anymore.

So now I can look back at that Billy D experience and be be like, holy shit, like he called me, like, he busted a line on me.

It's just bizarre.

But the beauty

of shooting the show, like, you know, it's funny because I've said this and I've heard Kevin say it separately.

Sometimes people would ask me, like, who's your favorite actor?

And especially when we were shooting the show, I would always say, Walt Flanagan.

Walt Flanagan is my favorite actor.

Because if you know Walt outside of the show, you know, you know him, which you probably don't.

Right.

Which you don't.

You haven't earned it.

But then when you see Walt sit down with a heavyweight like Billy D.

Williams.

Yeah, that should be like very scary.

Yeah.

But I tell you, I was more scared of the crew at first.

Years in, he's still like, look at Jeremy Schneider, so professional.

Like, tell me, yeah, it was very intimidating.

All these guys with their big equipment, all these guys.

I don't know what they worked on before.

Breggarts.

I felt like the fraud.

I felt like, well,

I'm a dude who works on a comic bookstore.

There's no reason I should be doing this at all.

But when Billy D came in, it was more like you just, like,

it was like

it didn't matter like if you fucked up because it was like you just it just didn't matter because it would have played almost if you fucked up because if you were nervous people be like oh well why why wouldn't you be yeah of course so it didn't that it didn't almost it's like well i should be nervous so i'm not going to worry about me being nervous and that's why you're the world's greatest thespian see i i

think you like if you had been like oh i'm nervous because it's my first day on the camera crew then okay but like you're doing something that

they they're not it's a totally different job where like your expertise is in knowing all this shit, which is something they wouldn't do.

You know, like there's no reason to be intimidated by a guy with a camera or a fucking sound thing.

There's no rhyme or reason for it, I guess.

But like I'm telling you, though, it's like they're

just

my knowledge of what I know is so like stupid in my

opinion.

It's meaningless, the shit we know.

These guys know shit that matters and is

making the careers for them.

And I'm I'm fucking talking about a comp book that I liked in 1974.

If any number of Blue Juice guys were like, I'm going to move from New York to LA,

they have a transferable skill like that.

I moved to LA.

I'm like, I want to make fun of people for liking comics.

They'd be like, well, there's no job like that.

And that was great about the show is like, we sort of had jobs that it's like, people be like, well, how do I do that?

And I would be like, I don't know.

Like, I don't know.

Like, it's not like we tried to do it.

Like, everything just sort of unfolded.

So, so after the show ended, I would get calls.

I mean, I'm going to say calls, like it's 20 calls, but there's probably, I can think about four off the top of my head of from either production companies or agents saying,

and sometimes sending me tapes saying, hey, we have a comic book shop in, you know, Dallas or wherever, and we want to do comic book men, but with these people.

And I saw some tape on people, and I wouldn't go near it.

I'm like, listen.

It's not going to work.

So don't even do it.

You don't have the guys.

You know what I mean?

And I didn't want want to go anywhere near another comic book show.

You know, you tend to do something in this business and then you're like, oh, well, he did the comic book show.

We'll get him to do this comic book show.

It doesn't work that way.

I didn't invent that show.

That show was more or less happening and we sort of made it happen for TV in a little bit of a different way.

But it was all about the characters.

So

none of those knockoffs would have worked.

Because if you just pitch it on paper without you guys as talent and, you know, and certainly Kev as well, it's like,

what do you have?

You get some old-timers talking about comics?

You know, I think the thing is, like, when we went into it, like, I think I'd probably known Mike the least amount of time.

And by that point, I'd known him like 17 years.

So, so you can't take guys who have known each other that long and know each other.

You can't fake that kind of thing.

Oh, you can't replicate it.

And that was when they would try to throw in, you know, an Oliver.

Brady Bunch reference.

They'd throw in an Oliver, like, put a, you know.

Whatever.

Push for an Oliver, you know.

Yeah, you did.

Last year, Giddam was working here.

Yeah.

You know, but

Network was like, no.

you can't.

Like, we want his gut out.

You're going to take some dude, put him in Led Zeppelin.

You know?

I mean, we feel like Led Zeppelin needs a flautist.

Take this shot.

Forget it.

You can't do it.

You know, I would, at the beginning and end of every season, and as you guys know, we had a lot of the same people working from season one on.

I would give a little speech at the beginning, and then I'd give a little speech at the end, and I would tell everybody, and it really went out, especially to the new people, like, you're gonna have a lot of fun here this is gonna be the most incredible TV experience of your life don't get used to it it will never happen again cherish every moment of this show because any other job you have in television is going to suck in every way this show was awesome

Jeremy just was here

Schneider Schneider was just here about less than a week ago he just popped in for a second just to say hello funny he's making the rounds came to my office too he said the same exact thing he said the same exact thing it must be because he heard your speech.

Did he quote me?

Did he footnote me?

Because that's my speech.

Yeah, he said it.

There'll never be another one like you.

He just was.

And you know what?

You,

and even a cynical guy like myself,

I believe he's telling the truth, though, when he says it, though.

So it is nice to hear, though, because there's no reason to say it at this point.

No, no, it's a God's honest truth.

It's even the truth, just in terms of the work.

Like, we basically had,

you know, day jobs.

Like, we worked Monday through Friday.

I mean, every season, maybe we shot a couple of weekends or a couple of weekend days.

You know, we tried to get you guys out of here when you would normally get out of here.

So we rarely shot past 7 o'clock.

11 to 6, usually.

I mean,

it was basically 11 to 6.

Season 2 was fucked.

Season 2 was like 9 o'clock at night.

It's like, fucking seriously, you assholes.

And for anyone who doesn't know, the crew,

this jackass included, got free housing at the Jersey Shore.

Mansions.

Yeah.

We were living.

That was a good big factor into the whole overall experience.

Oh, my God.

It's just not the cast.

My kids grew up in Ocean Grove every summer coming by the stash, having this beach house.

And then season eight, you know, they really fucked me by canceling the show because my kids were all ready to go back to Ocean Grove.

And they're like, we're going to Ocean Grove again, right?

I'm like, well.

Daddy's going to have to pay for it this time, but

the comic book that I've let you down.

Apparently, I don't have a job.

So how's that going to work?

But we did it.

It was the greatest job ever in so many ways.

But yeah, I don't make friends either.

Like, all my friends are my friends since middle school and high school.

It almost seems to be like a, I don't know if it's specific to Jersey, but like, yeah, like the friends you have when you sort of leave high school.

Like, you're a friend I made, Troy.

Like, there are certain people that I've become friends with post-high school, but for the most part, the people I'm tight with are.

It is.

You know, the one interview I ever gave about Comic Bookman season one was to AMC.

So it wasn't like, you know, the New York Times was interested in what the fuck I was doing down here.

But they asked to call me up and, and hey, give me some, they had some questions for me.

And I do remember them putting in that interview that even back then when I didn't know you guys that well, I compared your relationship to the kids from Standby Me.

You know, it's like I could see you as those kids growing into this, where you know, that classic scene we actually tried to replicate, which never aired, where they're going to have those conversations like, What is Goofy?

Yes, you know, and about Pez and shit.

But that, that is a very special thing that you cannot replicate.

And that was so obvious to me because I have those kinds of friends.

Like, my friends knew me when I was 11, just like you guys.

So walking in here, it felt familiar to me.

Even though I didn't know you guys, your friendship felt familiar.

Did you ever feel like past season two or three that you're like,

there's no way this is getting to seven?

The way that they were just burying it and the way that like it was like barely making it we succeeded against all odds.

It's fucking crazy when you think about it.

It's crazy that they kept it on that long and barely and didn't do anything with it.

They never showed it other than like one o'clock in the morning and then it was gone.

They liked, they genuinely really liked it.

Joel Stillerman and Marco, you know, they really liked it and they loved Kevin, obviously.

And Joel would say to me like, you know, we like being in the Kevin Smith business.

You know what I mean?

And they also liked having this special little nugget, you know, and I don't know if it ever really made financial sense for them in a big way to keep it on.

but I, you know, I know a lot of networks.

They were really good people over there, and they really liked the show.

And, you know, they told me, and you can't ever hold them to this, but they were like, as long as Walking Dead's on, I feel like you guys will keep going.

So I thought we were going to do 10.

I called it, you know, like Babe Ruth pointed over at the

wall.

Every season, I thought it was going to be the last season, except the season when they said, no, no, no.

Isn't that it?

Every season at the end, like towards the end of summer or the beginning of the summer, I'd be like, it it ain't happening this year.

It ain't happening this year.

And then you get the call.

I never thought they would cancel it on the heels of Kevin having a heart attack.

Yeah, that's what Michelle was saying earlier.

The timing was so poor.

He's only gotten way bigger since then.

Physically, but he's so well known now,

more so than during the show.

So it would have been beneficial to

keep the show.

I mean, seven years, he's still, that's crazy.

I never thought he would last that long, especially after that first season.

I didn't think they would air all six episodes.

I really didn't think they would.

The little show that could.

Well, I mean, when you think about it, it's like the odds of doing what we did.

I'm not patting us on the back or whatever, but the odds of everything working out the way it did is so fucking rare.

Right.

You know, it's such rarefied era to be like

Kevin called me, like, you guys want to be on a TV show?

And we're like, I guess.

doing seven seasons of that TV show.

So when people like, when it got canceled and you tell people, like, oh man, it's like, but seven seasons for people who are like, had no business on TV in the first place?

That's

not common.

It's not common at all.

You know, we talk about building a format a lot in television, right?

That's like a buzzword.

You know, what's the format?

You got to make a format.

I think this was a very unique format that really was designed for a smarter audience, right?

That didn't need those on-the-fly interviews, talking heads, explaining everything.

So I feel like that kind of built-in, you know, Kevin Smith

kind of geek world audience

could kind of unabashedly enjoy this show without feeling like, oh, I'm watching a reality show.

I think we really rode that line of kind of curb your enthusiasm, semi-scripted, and also full reality show.

Like,

I'll maintain it till the day I die, like, the most reality show

show

was comic book man.

How can you say that, though?

When stuff got rolling.

When we, like you said, we had a Ghostbuster and an ice cream truck.

Because when stuff got rolling,

and that's what I mean it.

When stuff got rolling, like, that's why I said, I said, oh, you said

once everything's in place, that's right.

You say, okay, turn it on.

That's right.

And it was a go.

We set the stage.

A lot of shows, if you look carefully, you'll see people with little flesh-colored things in their ears called an earwig.

And there's people in a control room feeding them lines.

I spot it all the time.

I would never have done that with you guys.

Was that suggested to you season two?

Earwigs?

It's just

unbelievable that it worked and went.

You told me very early on, you're like, I don't think you understand how easy it is to work with you guys because normally if you tell people like, have a conversation about this, they'd be like, well, what am I supposed to say?

What do you mean, have a conversation about it?

Whereas with us, it's like, here are five to eight topics to have conversations about.

Go.

And then just do it.

It's an art that you guys have mastered.

It's impressive, you know?

It really is.

I think I actually remember saying it at like one of the rap parties or something.

Like, anyone who doesn't recognize the work that you guys do, like, oh, it looks so fun.

People watch it at home.

And, oh, we should do that.

We should have a show like that.

It's like, it's work.

I don't know.

I could sometimes feel like, am I asking them to talk too much?

But they're doing it.

Do we just rap?

I mean, they're doing it.

They won't shut up.

This is crazy.

I would be so mad if someone kept telling me to, you know, talk and kick shit around, but it seems endless.

It's just fascinating so what did you go on to after comic book man

would you want to talk about can i be able to talk about it because it's real interesting i thought

the uh the one you just were on oh can i interrupt you real quickly though because i know you guys have families and if you've got a family you sure need insurance

so we're talking policy genius

Let me see.

It's January 2020.

The year 2020 shows up a lot in science fiction.

Is that true?

Yeah.

I didn't know that.

A lot of people predicted that by now we'd be teleporting to work or living on Mars, and a lot of those predictions were wrong.

The truth is, we always get the future wrong.

That's not true.

Which is why we need to get life insurance right.

Oh, not comma, right?

It's not a question, it's a statement.

That's where policy genius can help.

They make finding the right...

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry.

Policy genius makes finding the right life insurance a breeze.

The minutes you can compare quotes from the top insurers to find your best price.

You can say $1,500 or more by using Policy Genius.

I'm going to use this for life insurance, Nichelle.

Got to get some life insurance.

You know, get married and you got a kid.

Oh, yeah.

Can't die.

The next thing you know, they're on the breadline.

Once you apply, I mean, they're almost on the breadline now with my income, so if I'm gone, they're fucked.

I'll take care of them.

Yeah, okay, cool.

Once you apply, the Policy Genius team will handle all the paperwork and red tape, and it doesn't just make life insurance easy.

They're going to help you find the right home and auto insurance or disability insurance.

I wouldn't mind scamming disability.

I'll have to check it out.

So So if your science fiction dreams for 2020 still haven't become science fact, don't get discouraged.

Get insurance.

It takes just a few minutes to find your best price and apply at policygenius.com.

PolicyGenius will always get the future wrong.

Better get life insurance right.

Well done.

Thanks, man.

Look at that vein he's got in his arm now, like that guitar player vein in the right arm.

Is that from playing guitar?

Joe Perrot guitar vein.

No, I was telling him, it was like when I lost weight, it's like, I look like the visible manimus.

You can see like all these veins and shit in my legs and arms, you know, especially if I'm like working out or shit.

Yeah, you're vascular.

Vascular.

It's not pretty, though.

It looks weird.

It's a little sexy.

One of my favorite things that you did that really made me laugh, going back to the Lou Ferigno thing, was Lou's trying to get me to go on a diet and work out and all this other shit.

And he comes and he spreads out all this food on the table and he's like, here's what you got to eat.

And

he's like, you know, what do you have for breakfast?

And I tell him, like, six to eight mini donuts.

And when I watch the episode, I notice that the word mini has been surgically excised.

So it seems that I eat six, like at least half a dozen donuts, possibly eight.

I don't like that motherfucker.

Funnier without the mini.

It fucking made me laugh.

I was like, I had to rewind it.

I was like, he fucking took the word mini out.

You're welcome.

Again,

your reality just

beefed up a little bit.

Could you imagine doing that to a real housewife or like one of these, like, what would you call call it, like,

high-maintenance types of

a drama queen?

You say you ate fucking eight donuts.

No, they wouldn't get the funny.

But picturing you eat six donuts for breakfast is really funny.

Yeah.

And I'm like, I want to work out.

Yeah.

So I was sorry.

So what was your question?

What are you working on now?

I know what it is.

Yeah, it's very cool.

Very dangerous.

Much more dangerous than

filming in a comic book store, I would say.

A little more dangerous than that.

Yeah, I just got back a couple of weeks ago.

I was shooting a documentary for Discovery Channel

where six ocean rowers were attempting to be the first rowers to go across the Drake Passage from South America to the tip of Antarctica.

And Drake Passage is notoriously regarded as the most treacherous waterway on the planet.

So these guys were rowing, three guys rowing at a time, three on, three off.

Every 90 minutes they they would shift.

And we were following them in a boat, a 125-foot former Japanese research vessel.

But they said rocked like crazy.

We hit

five storms on the way down, big storms with swells, you know, 20, 25, 30-foot swells,

sometimes for 20 hours, 24 hours of just continuous storming and the boat just going from side to side, up and down.

And you're just getting bashed around, you know?

Do you get seasick?

Yeah, I've gotten seasick before.

Not on when I go on a cruise, though.

Right, it's too big.

The boat.

The boat is way too big, though.

Yeah.

I'd consider jumping overboard.

I'd be like, I can't take it.

It's too much.

What was funny is.

Five more days.

I got to tell you, if I had the speech the captain gave me when I got on there, and it was basically like, you know, if you think you might get seasick, you know, take medication, put the patch on, do anything you can do to not get seasick.

Because if you get seasick, he's like, I'm going to have to pull one of my crew to babysit you and make sure you don't die.

And you will feel like you're going to die and you're going to wish you would die.

And if we don't monitor you correctly, you may die.

From seasickness?

From seasickness.

You'll die.

Because you won't be able to keep anything down.

And you'll dehydrate and you'll have no electrolytes and salt in your body and your kidneys would shut down.

So he's like, if it gets really bad, we'll have to give you seasickness medicine through your anus with suppositories.

That's something we've had to do with a lot of people on this ship.

And I'm like, if this guy gave me this speech when I spoke to him on the phone, I may have found someone to do this show.

Now,

you've done that before you got on the boat, though, like at home, maybe with the wife, and they're like, you know,

why did you let the captain do it?

Like, why don't we just put the suppositories in before you go?

And so it's not, you know,

the way it works, the way it works is

you have to prevent seasickness.

Once you cross over

into seasickness, it's it's very difficult to get back.

No number of suppositories are going to be able to do that.

You do preventative.

Because a lot of people go into these things like being too proud.

Like, well, I'm a tough guy.

I'm not going to get seasick.

But they make a

prescription patch, they call it a scopamine.

Scopamine, right?

Scopamine patch.

And you put that behind your ear, and it works for three days.

It distributes the medication to you over three days, and that is a preventative.

So, yeah, I put the patch on.

I had a bunch with me.

I gave them out to whoever wanted it.

Anybody have to get the

nobody, to the credit of uh of my crew nobody got seasick uh a couple of the rowers had a couple of nights where they were sick but they were in a whole other world as well rowers guys who were who are used to this yeah but it's it you know you really don't get i guess i guess you do get immune to it But the way it works is either like you're a person who's going to get seasick or you're a person who is like not going to get seasick.

And if you're not sure, you should put the patch on and make sure you don't cross over to the other side because it's a dark and dangerous, ugly side.

So

I was not too proud to say, patch me up, Scotty.

You know what I mean?

So I had to patch on, and it worked.

I wore it for three days.

And then.

How long were you actually on the boat?

I was on the boat for 23 days.

23 days.

In the middle of nowhere, right?

Yeah.

Like as far away from civilization as you've ever been.

Yeah, by far.

With a guy who won't leave them alone about depositories.

How are you feeling?

You look a little green.

Still be safe.

One for the skipper.

Yeah, no, it was, I was very, very far away.

It was, uh, it was, uh, it was unnerving to leave home and be so far away.

And you left over the holidays, right?

Over the holidays for the holidays.

It's got to be rough on the heart, too, man.

I got to tell you, Walt, I'll be honest with you.

It wasn't that rough on the heart because

I shut my heart down.

You got it.

You had to shut it down.

Yeah, you can't be in both worlds.

You know, we'll do this a lot.

And I didn't have to do it with the stash, obviously, but when you do Laneville's adventure shows you know you're out chasing tornadoes or you're in the middle of a jungle dual survivor the dual survival i did storm chasers and you know you're you're at risk and you are uh sometimes very far away you're in jungles you're in jungles deserts forests and you have to shut off uh and not not not saying it in a tough guy way you have to shut off any kind of fear and the recognition that you could die, one misstep and you could die.

So you can't quake around cameramen and sound.

No, so I want to do that.

And you also have to kind of shut out your real life.

Because you don't want to be caught between the two worlds thinking about, like, is the, you know,

is the boiler working or is so-and-so taking the trash out?

You got to shut that shit out and do your job.

You can do it, man.

Like I said, much props.

I mean, it's

that's

that is that's a man's man right there.

Fuck yeah.

Where do you leave from?

Like you fly somewhere and then you get on the boat.

So where do you gotta fly to?

You fly into.

There's really two places to leave.

No, well, yes, part of Patagonia.

Yeah, you fly.

You could either leave.

You could either leave from a place called...

That's a real land.

Yeah, Patagonia is a region.

It's like a fucking farm off.

It's like a Lord of the Rings land.

It's beautiful.

It's a beautiful mountainous land.

It's the tip of South America.

It extends through Chile and Argentina.

So you could either leave from

a place in Argentina called Ushuaia, but we left from the Chilean side, a little town called Punta Arenas.

And you fly into the capital of Chile, and then you drive down to Punta Arenas, and then you get on a boat, and then you go on the boat for two days through the Beagle Channel.

It's really beautiful, and that's like what they call Tierra del Fuego.

It's beautiful land.

And then you get to Cape Horn.

And once you go out past Cape Horn, then you're in Drake Passage, and you're in the open ocean, and you're getting battered by wind and currents, and you're at the mercy of Mother Nature and the sea.

That sounds hellish.

And this was to break a record, right?

Yeah, these were the first guys to do it completely human-powered.

So no sail, no motor, and they rode for almost 13 days.

Every time you turn around, one of your shows is breaking a Guinness record, right?

Do you have to bring a Guinness representative with you on the boat?

No.

No.

Sure, you know.

Unlike we did at Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash, where we had the adjudicator in his fancy blazer.

Yeah, there to witness all the biggest Jay and Bob cosplay happening in one location, right?

Yeah.

We still got the plaque on there.

Never.

Of course you do.

No one can ever take that away from you.

But how come the adjudicator is like, no, I'm not going to do that one.

But I have to be there.

I have to be there in Red Bank.

They're like, yo, yo, bro, stick this up your ass and get on the boat.

The truth is, we didn't need the adjudicator for the Jane Silent Pod record.

We could have given them videotape evidence, but we wanted the adjudicator for television.

That was all just for cameras.

Yeah, yeah.

We wanted him.

He was a lovely gentleman, the adjudicator.

But in this case, they just really, they just follow our, you know, they follow the GPS and yeah, and and we're documenting the whole thing.

Um, and these guys, the captain of the rowboat, has a long relationship.

Apparently, he's got 30 Guinness book records in the field of ocean rowing.

So he's very tight with the Guinness people, and they were looking forward to his record.

And I think we broke like six

or set like six new records.

No, it's fine because there are little mini episodes on discoverygo.com right now.

There's 14 episodes.

So we, yeah, we hooked up a satellite antenna.

We were sending like up to 10 minutes of footage back a day

so that the team in New York could put together these little web episodes.

So it's out there.

It's been in the New York Times.

The dude, the main rower, Colin O'Brady,

who had never rowed before, but he had set this other Antarctic record.

He was the first person to walk across Antarctic, unsupported Antarctica.

And yeah, he's been all over the press with it.

So cats out of the bag.

We're putting the documentary together, like feature lane, 60 or 90-minute doc right now.

So yeah, cats out of the bag.

The records are set.

And it was good.

Were banter on when they're rowing, or are they just like...

Very little banter.

Witty banter about like, you know, characters that you want, you know, from the 70s that you'd like to be a roommate with.

Like movies about rowing boats.

Top five rowing movies.

Opening scene of.

You would hope so.

I mean, definitely Amistad has to be up there.

Without question.

And then, you you know, I believe there's a rowing scene in the opening of Dead Poets Society as well.

Oh, probably Goodwill Hunting, too, though.

Or maybe I'm thinking of Goodwill Cruise.

I think it's a lot of those other Boston shows.

So, no, no witty banter.

This was not that kind of show.

No, it wasn't that kind of show.

You are about biceps, like, you know, and

blood, sweat, and tears.

Anybody cry?

There were cheers.

It's just him.

I'll never admit to him.

I don't want any more supposed stores.

It hurts too bad.

It hurts too bad.

I'd rather throw up.

Please stop.

Yeah, no,

there were some very poignant moments where fellowship.

Tears of joy, I doubt.

Tears of joy.

At one point, a giant cruise ship came

out giant crab.

No.

Attacked a ship or something.

No!

No, I got a giant octopus or something, like 20,000 leagues under the sea.

Those are the kinds of things I would say to the network when we're talking to the network about the show, and we're like, hey, well, you know, I kind of got the beginning and I got the end.

Hopefully they make it.

And it's like, well, what happens during the row?

And I'm like, you know, they're rowing.

I don't know.

We're going to have to wait and see what happens.

You know, like, if a giant squid attacks the boat,

that's it.

Like, a gigantic squid.

It was a blank slate, but no giant squid.

No giant squid.

But a big cruise ship came out of the mist, out of nowhere, like a ghost ship.

And to see the giant cruise ship.

A deserted ship just floated by?

I wish I could tell you it was full of skeletons, but there was people on it.

And they were on their way to Antarctica.

And that was the time when the rowers got very emotional.

You got emotional seeing the cruise ship?

Yeah, because it was like the first sign of real life.

And the people were waving to them and cheering.

It was a huge moment for them.

And they got welled up.

Maybe not banter, but did they talk to each other?

Yeah, they definitely talked to each other.

Because the deal is there's six guys on the boat, three are rowing.

And so, in the one cabin, oh, so when there's storms, nobody can row.

So then you got two guys in one cabin together, which is just like a little tomb at the front and back of the boat.

And then you've got, in theory, four guys, giant dudes, six foot, two, two, three guys, like big athletic dudes, crammed into the comic book man.

Not the opposite of the comic book man.

Complete opposite.

These guys rode across an entire ocean.

They're in better shape than I was.

Yeah, sure.

You know, so it's like you're trying to jam,

like four Thors into a boat.

And yeah, and they were had to lay on top of each other and spoon each other and basically, yeah, just lay head to toe to keep warm, but just to stay out of the storm.

Oh, so they never left the rowboat.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

They never left the the rowboat.

Yeah.

They never, oh, no, they can't leave the rowboat.

They live on the rowboat.

And they spoon.

They have to.

Yes, they have to lie on top of each other.

For warmth, it was freezing cold for them.

Every day?

No.

Well, every day,

yes,

for two of them.

So if there's three guys rowing,

one was in the bow cabin, one was in the stern cabin by himself, and two were in the bow cabin.

But then when there were storms, nobody could row.

Oh, so they couldn't.

So there was no room for them to go to like a private room?

So they had the spoon in front of everybody?

Well, they weren't on our boat, they were on their rowboat, right?

They stay on their rowboat.

So there wasn't enough room in case it was a storm for them to go in, get off the rowing pit?

Well, probably wouldn't be a record, though.

Yeah, they couldn't ever get off the vessel.

No, no, no.

You have to, like, so they're not able to row because there's a storm.

Yeah.

But they have to stay in their locations where they would be rowing if there was no storm, right?

Yes.

Because there was not another cabin for them to go to.

So then, so we're like, they're in this part of this of the boat because there is no other cabin for them to go to.

And And so then they're like, it's cold.

We got a spoon.

Well, it's really like a long, 25-foot-long, I'm going to show you a picture of it, 25-foot-long rowing vessel.

The deck is open where the rowing seats are, but then in the front, in the back, it almost looks like a little Tylenol capsule.

And you have to slide in there like a little coffin.

So they all slide into this little coffin together.

And that's where they sleep and eat and drink.

But about

in front of the other rowers?

Yeah.

No.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's it.

There is.

Oh, Giddam just popped up.

Wow.

That's me.

I'm right here in a boat, you know, shooting.

It looks like you're underwater.

Well, because the swells, like, sometimes they would, they would totally disappear and then bounce back up.

Thank you, Giddam.

So

wait a second.

How long does it take you to get used to that, though, where all of a sudden

your camera guys

have to, I guess, I assume, shut down or film something else.

We're like, hey, I need to take a break here.

Yeah, they don't say anything, but they would, as a courtesy, we would tell them, like, listen, we're not going to, we have really no interest in watching you pee or shit in a bucket.

So,

you know, as a courtesy, we'd see a guy get the bucket in place

and we put our cameras down or shoot something else.

Yeah, that's, yeah, that's the boat.

That's our actual.

So, where does someone go when they want to sleep?

Underneath?

So, in here.

So, these little hatch doors open up.

So, this is the smaller door.

Like in this one is the navigational stuff.

And so the two leaders of the expedition, the captain and the first mate, would sleep in here.

And the other.

How cold was it?

I mean, the water was like 30 degrees.

The air was about 30 degrees, and the winds were freezing.

I don't know.

The wind chill must have been extreme.

They were freezing cold and covered in salt water the whole time.

It was miserable for these guys.

And so when there's a storm, four of these dudes were supposed to go into this cabin, but they quickly found out it was was too small for four.

So then one of them would sit out here, strapped into this thing with a little strap and hold it.

In pitch blackness.

Well, it only got dark between like 11 and 3 a.m.

down there.

There's not that much darkness.

So, but yes, for a few hours, very dark.

And then waves would just be coming over and trying to knock this person out.

And then every 90 minutes, they would switch positions.

He's got a strap.

Not the way you would want to be secured in.

Definitely could have been washed off the side.

Got a strap clipped on there.

You can kind of see it right there.

It was really dangerous.

Oh,

it was really dangerous for these guys.

But I mean, but still, though,

did they know that there wasn't going to be enough room for them?

They would have to spoon?

Yeah,

they did.

When we were setting up our cameras and kind of building out the boat with all their gear, they tried it out, and four of them went in there, and they were just like, no way, dude.

This is not going to happen.

But even for three of those dudes, they're literally lying on top of each other.

And those storms, in theory, they could have lasted for four days or five days.

Now, is this life-changing money for these guys after they break this record?

No.

Damn.

It's a record.

Just to prove I can do it again.

I need to

test myself.

Like one of the rowers, you know, three of those guys rowed the Indian Ocean together, right?

One of the guys, the captain, is, as I said, like the world's greatest ocean rower and history holds all the records.

You know, one of the dudes who was rowing is...

Zadma sucked though.

I could be the best, but no one really knows.

It's not like you're Tom Brady or

Michael Jordan.

But you're the Michael Jordan of rowing, but no one knows.

Right.

It's frustrating for him.

We spoke a lot.

We spoke a lot about that.

It's like the Qbert guy who came in and he's like, I created Q-bert.

You would never know otherwise.

Did you spoon with the captain?

Tell him Steve Dave.

I see you putting your jacket.

I'm just fucking freezing.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, Brian's dying over here.

Tell him Steve Dave?

Go on, man.

Let's do it.

Let's do it.

Do you have another ad?

No, no more ads today.

I'm sure.

Had enough of Brian in the show?

Could you come back?

We could always, yeah, you could come back.

Now that you've appeared.

Oh, you're cutting me off?

Now that you've

got a lot of people.

Getting the hook up.

Brian's got his brief

lease in his hand.

Look at him.

This morning I was like, should I just cancel everything?

That's how shitty I feel.

And then I was like, nope.

No way, dude.

I was looking forward to this way more than I was looking forward to anything else.

We do something else, though.

Now that you've appeared officially on Telemce Dave, you are now eligible to become a part of this tournament we're having on our Patreon call, the Purveyors, Posers, and Playlist, where we have a music debate.

Oh, he'd be good.

You're big into music.

Oh, it's right up my alley.

Okay, you're in?

Yeah, I'm in.

All right.

So stay tuned for that.

I don't know why.

This tournament can take years.

Can I ask you guys a quick question?

I've been doing that.

Oh, yeah, there's a trophy you can win.

I can win that trophy?

Yeah.

Oh, I'm so in.

Are you kidding me?

Yeah.

That'd be my greatest possession ever.

People will care as much about that as the rowing guys.

Tell him Steve, Dave.

You have to say that.

I have one question.

It's quick.

It's a very

coughing your SARS on me.

Giddam's tempting me with that big purple statue.

Quick question.

You need to settle.

You need to settle a debate for me.

And I'd like to hear from each of you.

And I know it'll be top of your head.

Who, what four

rock bands or individual artists go on the Mount Rushmore of classic rock?

What for?

In my opinion?

Jagger.

Okay.

Even though I know it's controversial,

Townsend.

Okay.

See no controversial.

Next up is R.

Kelly.

I know about it.

I don't know.

He's an old school rock and roll guy.

Oh, no.

Was it my kids?

I don't give a shit then.

I like some of those.

I like Tommy.

I haven't heard that song enough times.

You do Baba O'Reilly, you get a pass.

All right.

I know you want to hear Paige, but I think Plan.

Okay.

And then no one's got to be a Beatle.

I don't care which one.

Ringo?

No.

Yeah, you do care.

I guess I do care which one.

I was going to say McCarthy, you're the guy.

All right, so essentially you're saying Zeppelin, the Who, the Stones, and the Beatles.

Is that four?

What What about the Doors?

That's four.

Nah.

No?

Do you know Jamarson up there?

No, there's no right or wrong.

I'm just curious.

You're kicking with your head.

I kicked the

head no to the doors.

I kicked around the doors, but I found that the doors only have one great album.

Only one great album, I find.

In my humble opinion.

What album?

The first album.

Yeah.

And then, you know, Morrison Hotel has got some great moments.

There are some other great songs, but no other great complete album.

I can't give him out rushmore for that.

Yeah.

What about Skynyrd?

No.

No?

No.

No, there's an argument to be made.

I'm just saying.

Crosby Stills, Nash and Young.

More folk rock.

Yeah.

So you're,

this is great.

You could entering this, you could, I know

your appearance now on this, you could go for it.

He's willing to overlook kids getting molested.

How the fuck could he not win?

I've been overlooking Steve David.

Yeah, shut up, Nichelle.

Shut the fuck up.

Nobody ever listens to me at home, guys.

You gave me a microphone.

You invite me down here.

I want to keep talking.

There was one more thing I did want to ask you about this.

I know you probably don't want to come down on it too hard in case you know you never know where you're going to have to work.

What's your opinion on these gross-out shows, these reality shows like Dr.

Pimple Popper and My Fear Are Killing Me?

Disgusting.

Is there anything more grotesque and more exploitive?

And how do they find these motherfuckers who are willing to go on TV with a fucking growth on their neck the size of a fucking

midget?

Yeah.

No.

Let me field this one.

There's nothing more grotesque than Mike and Ming being on TV.

Please say it.

Please say it.

Please.

I throw a fuel while I want to get the fuck out of here.

Tell him, Steve, David.

Thank you.