#429: Fire in the Hole: Rise of the Buttlerockets

Bolt S is tighter than like the Egyptian pyramids where you can't even put a piece of paper.

That's what these are.

Get strapo tactics.

Hell yeah, look at me.

I'm the only choice.

Tell them, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell them Steve Dave, the podcast that all you little creeps have been bitching about.

That's a quote from the original

Bad News Bears.

Oh, yeah.

What about that?

When they got their uniforms.

What's that?

It's like, it's what you little creeps have been bitching about.

Chico's bail bonds.

Yeah.

Saw some disappointed people that it's been a while since a Tellum Steve Dave came out, but you have to understand,

and I will say this calmly and collectively, that we have one guy whose throat was

on the men still,

still relegated to like minute

30 minute bouts of talking uh it was the holidays so everybody gets busy and there was an episode that came out on christmas that was available to purchase for purchase if you uh wanted to listen to us so badly and no amount of changing our entry on wikipedia to saying that the show uh was canceled will ever make me do anything that you want me to do.

It's just not going to happen.

I'm not going to leap to say, guys, we've got to record an episode.

People are pretending pretending it's canceled.

Yeah.

Because an episode didn't come out in a fucking week.

I feel like that's a little bit

impatient and

not really understanding.

I'm really happy that people are that feverish and ready for it.

That's right.

That I like.

It's like Jones and man.

They're like fucking scratching their arms like fucking their pock marks.

Let me tell you this.

This is coming from a former pretty heavy opiate addict.

I never Jones for

Jones and harder for pills.

I mean, they're Jones and harder for TSD than fucking pills.

This podcast is.

Should be a controlled substance.

It is.

It's a Schedule One.

It's a Schedule I controlled substance at this point.

The FDA's been all over our ass.

Like, let us turn our attention away from this OxyContin issue.

Yeah.

Oh, boy.

So.

It's just a little ball busting.

That's what I thought it was.

A little bit.

Just busting balls.

We're here.

We're here.

We're happy.

It's 2020.

2020.

It's the first episode we're recording in 2020.

I guess my first question to you guys would be, New Year's Eve.

How many fireworks were you able to get into your ass to amuse your friends after lighting them?

It seems to be a thing.

Did you know this?

No.

What?

People like putting fireworks in their butthole?

Like a bottle rocket?

They love to put bottle rockets into their ass and light them.

This is a dude thing, right?

It seems, I've seen a few girls do it,

but mostly, yeah, like 99% are pretty much guys.

To be fair,

if one of my friends said to me, I'm going to put a bottle rocket up my ass and shoot it out, you want to see it?

I'd be like, yeah, all right.

Any friend.

Any friend.

Oh my God, double the gimbals.

Put that shit on Patreon.

I've got to show you this picture I saw.

Oh, it was the one that went haywire.

It's one that, like, it seems what happens is

people light them and don't understand that, like, the reason it's a bottle rocket is because the neck of the bottle is very loose.

And it's

nothing holding it back.

If you haven't had, what's it called?

One of those,

what are those things that people put in to loosen it up?

Oh, like some amyl nitrate?

Yeah.

Like a little plug that you're laying in on it.

Like, if you haven't worked that butthole butthole and it's real tight and you put a bottle rocket in there, it might not fly out.

Yeah.

I mean, look,

you should do it.

I mean, mine's so tight, I don't even think

a fucking hair could be fucking...

Your shits come out like squeezed.

Waltz.

Almost invisible.

Like a fruit roll-up.

Walt's S is tighter than like the Egyptian pyramids where you can't even put a piece of paper.

But so here's a video of a guy who decided.

I don't want to see it.

I'm going to entertain my friends.

Well, you don't have to see the audience.

I want to see the blood.

Okay, you don't have to see the after effect, but you see how it's that fire shooting down.

I'm looking at him.

It's that fire shooting down there.

That's not a bottle rocket.

That's a fucking, that's a rocket rocket.

Is that a Roman candle?

No, it's not a Roman candle.

Yeah, it's not like your tiny little bottle rockets.

It looks like something Wily Coyote would strap to his back and light to try and catch.

Right, like if you saw one of them in Fallujah, it wouldn't look out of place.

No, not at all.

Now, there's no blood, but do you want to see the burns the guy got?

I really don't.

It's not once.

Yeah.

It's not, I mean.

Ooh, it's all ass cracks, like black.

Yeah, it's

life-threatening, but it's oh, a lot.

Like, how do you, how do you fucking wake up the next day or however long it takes before that feels better?

And you're just not like.

Oh, my God.

I just couldn't deal with myself, how asinine I was.

The slightest little burn

will

be painful for a few days.

Something like that, where you're down a couple layers of skin,

especially in that area.

The only way it's worse is if you put it in the head of your dick.

Like, that's the only way.

And

I showed it to Mary Beth, and I said, I don't quite understand this

type of humor.

Whenever we see really weird shit, I'm like, here's the way it was with my friends.

And I don't know if this was indicative of

everyone.

Clearly, it isn't, you know, but like, it would never have occurred to us, I don't think, to put bottle rockets on.

I just don't think that shit is funny.

We've been watching Big Love, a show about

polygamy.

It was like mid-2000s, a show with Bill Paxton on HBO.

And there's a part where it's like these teenage kids, like, I don't know, like 16, 17, they're driving around in a car and the driver's like, oh, shit, check it out now.

And they're comparing like their ability to get boners, like, I guess, because they're young and they're always horny, so they're getting boners.

And I, you know, I turned to Mary Beth, and I'm like,

you need to know that this is, at least in my experience, this is not, this was not usual.

Like, I don't think the only time I remember ever a boner being a subject of conversation was,

I don't want to say his name, I'll say his first name, Chucky,

from school, and walking through

the locker room and gym, and somebody saying, Oh, he's got half a chub.

Accusatory.

He really didn't, right?

He didn't.

That's the only time I remember anybody referencing something like that.

But shit like this, where people, like these boys, are like, hey, check out my boner and all this other stuff.

It's like,

it's just not the way it went ever.

Well, it's 2020, bro.

But

this was 2008.

2020, maybe.

I don't know what's going on in 2020.

I saw

Everybody Was Mad at J.K.

Rowling.

That might have been 2019.

That was 2019.

Was it?

I don't know.

Did she recover from that, Q?

Yeah.

All she got to do is just write another Harry Potter book, and people will forget.

Oh, I think all she got to do is log out of Twitter and

roll around in the billions of dollars and be like, hey, whatever, man.

I got an opinion like everyone else later.

Yeah.

And not even her opinion.

I think she backed the woman for getting fired or something like that.

Like, because the woman got fired for something.

Well, I think if you dig deeper, that woman was like kind of an asshole.

I think that was the final brick in the wall, not the first.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, like that woman.

Basically, what happened was a woman was talking about transgender.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, so you know.

I know, yeah, then she

stood up for the woman, I think.

Well, Jake Irrelevants, but she said she shouldn't have gotten fired.

She was saying, like,

you can't even have the opinion that transgender people are not

whatever

they say.

Well, I think what she said was

you can be anything you want, but biologically,

you cannot,

no matter what you do, biologically, you are not the other sex.

You can be whatever gender you want.

But now you live in a world where people are like, that's hateful.

And

what are you supposed to?

I mean, I guess the only thing you can do is just not have an opinion about it.

Yeah, there's a charitable way to look at it, I think, because you could be like, the reason I don't agree with the fucking with the Gestapo tactics, but I guess the charitable way to look at it would be they're Gary Glenn Ross, Ellen Organ.

Gestapo tactics.

That's what these are.

Gestapo tactics.

It's like they're saying, like, they're saying, like, all right, fine.

Like, you, like,

they're saying transgender people

are up against so much.

And if it doesn't fucking matter to you at all, then why are you even weighing in on this?

Maybe because

you look, like, because things become normalized.

I mean, look at this shit now where you turn around, and stuff that was even five years ago

was not normal, is suddenly now you have to deal with it today.

Firecrackers in the ass.

That's going to happen every year.

Since the first Chinese guy was like, I wonder what this will do

until this past New Year's.

Speaking of New Year's, what did you do for New Year's?

I went to Troy's the third year in a row.

It's become somewhat of a Officer Troy.

What do you guys do to ring in the New Year, especially a 2020 one?

Guess a special one, right?

2020 fired off some guns in the house.

He has quite a few people there who he doesn't really know because he's got four kids.

And each of them bring friends, and then they have to have their parents there.

So a lot of the parents Troy doesn't know.

They're

okay, his house is like mainly probably around the same size as your downstairs area.

So imagine like 30 people

in there.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

It's a lot of people.

A lot of the kids, some of the kids go outside to, like, there's a little garage out there.

And

I was talking to him.

It's like his oldest daughter,

Megan, and she's 17, and then she has some friends there that are roughly the same age.

And I was outside talking to him.

And I wanted to get a beat of like, what are teens,

what do they think is funny?

That's really like what I wanted to get at.

Doing some research for Telum Steve, Dave?

A little bit.

A little bit.

Remember that thing I was talking to you about earlier?

We're going back out there to talk to some of them because they were saying shit that I was like, I'm sorry, I did not bring that up and did not expect you to say that.

But I'm talking about, like, what do you think is funny?

And they're like, oh, dark, dark jokes and stuff.

And like racist jokes?

The kids get, yeah, I'm like, mostly blackface stuff.

Well, oh, you mean dark humor?

Dark humor, yeah.

Dark humor.

Darker than humor.

Yeah, I'm like, oh, jokes about dark t-shirts.

But

their version of the dark humor is not as dark.

I can't imagine anybody can out-dark Brian Johnson.

Well, when I said,

when I was like, what kind of humor do you guys like kind of jokes?

And the one boy was like, oh, we like dark humor.

Mary Beth goes, oh, honey.

Yeah, they'll be in a fetal position after

you spend a couple hours there telling jokes.

So, but mostly it seemed relegated to like, oh, he's Jewish, so we make fun of him being Jewish.

She's gay, so we, you know, tease her about being gay or whatever.

And she was the most interesting, because she's a senior.

She's like, I've been out for four years.

And I said, you know, in our day,

like, like we were in ninth grade in like, what, 1983 or something?

I don't see anybody coming out back then.

Yeah.

It's so much, that's one thing you could say.

It's

so much better for, you know, for people who have to come out now.

Oh, my God.

No way were they coming out in 1983.

No, we wouldn't have allowed it.

You said you could come out of that closet.

Get the fuck back in there.

No, but you knew, like, you knew the guys that were gay.

Yeah, you know.

Because they always dated like really obese women or like females.

They did.

Like, it's a fact.

That was the way that was the pattern.

That was like, you knew.

Now, now

he's right that they did at our school.

But I'm not going to go out there to live and say that was for every school, though.

He's right.

I know he's talking.

That's just your experience.

Yeah, not just our experience.

There's no way you could use that as a scientific explanation that everybody across the country was doing that in every school, though.

Full disclosure, I'm not wearing a lab coat right now, so scientifically I can't say that's true.

But oh, yeah.

And one guy dated not only one girl, he then went on to date an even bigger girl.

Yeah.

How come he now, why are you so unwilling to just accept that maybe he just wanted that?

He was a chubby chaser.

Yeah.

Because it was everything else.

The fat girl, yeah, maybe I could be like, yeah, you like a thick woman who doesn't, you know?

But

it was,

after he came out immediately after high school, that was another tip.

But yeah, you kind of like, I don't know if it would have been the right time, though.

I think it's not like today.

You're right.

Like, people would have made fun of him.

Can you imagine?

Although.

When you think about it, there was that one girl.

I don't know if you remember.

Her name was...

Remember Dee Dee Greenwalt?

Yeah.

Her sister, Barbara Greenwalt, was a year or two younger than us.

And she was openly.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I remember she would hold hands with the girl in the hallway.

Now,

I don't know.

Not a lipstick lesbian.

And I don't mean this in any way to make anybody get upset, but could the reason why nobody or nobody was chided her or there was no like nobody making fun of us because she could fucking kill any dude that would have fucking said anything to her, though, because they, both of those girls, were fucking pretty mean-looking and tough.

If they told me, like,

not only are we gay, but guess what?

You're gay now.

I'd be like, all right.

Whatever you guys.

That's just what reality was.

They were some tough girls.

They would throw down, as I recall.

Yeah, exactly.

You're right.

Because you think of the guys, and if they were like, let's go, motherfucker.

Like,

Yeah, they were not.

Yeah, you weren't just.

They weren't Chelsea queens that were all buffed from roller skating and lifting weights and shit.

You were not sure that you'd go home with all your teeth if you fucked around with them.

Definitely not.

You might have won, but you would have fucking paid a price.

But you would have also known a fight.

Yes.

You would have known you were in a fight, and then you also would have lost because you fought a girl.

Even if you win, you lose.

That could be.

Yeah, it could be.

I went to an old boys' high school.

So when we

went to parties with girls or hung out with the girls' sister's school, like they would make out with each other for our amusement.

Like

it was great.

It was a different time.

Yeah, like I

had a sweet spot.

What year would this have been?

90 to 94.

And they were, and they were just like, watch us.

Guys, watch.

Yeah.

He's cue from impractical jokers.

It was from that year until now.

That's when it happened.

Yeah, it was.

I mean, you're just charmed.

No doubt about it.

You're going to parties.

I can't say it or not.

And you're like, you're fucking.

It's unbelievable.

He's paid no rock and roll dues.

He's up on stage with an icon.

Oh, yeah.

Is that what you did on New Year's Eve?

I heard that you were out fucking rocking

with Brett Michaels.

I worked on New Year's Eve.

With Brett Michaels?

No, that was a different.

I went to see Brett Michaels.

He had to do his own show.

Yeah.

Tell us about that.

How does Q get up on stage with Brett Michaels, the man who sung

Poison?

He was from Poison,

Poison.

Talk dirty to me.

Yeah.

Is that what you sang?

No, nothing but a good time.

Nothing but a good time.

How do you get up there?

How are you?

Unironically, he sang it.

I was fucking into it.

I hurt my throat, actually.

Oh, yeah, because I remember thinking to myself, wow, I guess that throat wasn't as bad as he made it out to be.

No, I really didn't talk.

I couldn't talk for a few days.

It was great.

I went.

I went up to say hello to him.

But how do you get up?

How do you get the invite to be like, hey, you know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to pull you up on stage.

How does that happen?

Because

I've gone to many of his shows.

Whenever he's in town, I'll I'll go to one of his shows.

And

his people that work for him like in practical jokers, but I guess since the last time I saw him two years ago, he got turned on to the show.

And so he found out that I was coming because I know his merch guy.

And he said, oh, bring him up.

I want to say hello.

Went up and he said, hey, you want to watch the show from the side of the stage?

And I go, yeah.

I was like, of course, that sounds fucking great.

No, as I recall, from whenever I've been at a concert and I was able to see, if I was in a vantage point where I could see the people who are watching offstage, Yeah.

Models, tens.

So, like, now what's the difference?

I saw a kiss in 1984, and I could see on my seats, I could see backstage, yeah, no, sipping champagne from long stem glasses, mini skirts, halter tops, big fat hair, because it was the 80s, but like these were goddesses watching and just sitting on this little like

seat on

at your house.

oh like the ottoman oh 84.

okay dude ottoman empire the world is different now

now it's middle-aged men who sing like they have a punctured eardrum now they're invited up on stage uh you can't dude it's a new era you can't you can't he can't have rock sluts there you cannot have rock sluts no no way dude it's the literally the worst time to be a celebrity it's never been worse

it's never been worse you cannot have so you're the safe choice then you're you're the choice yeah look at me.

I'm the only choice.

And that's where it's gotten everyone to.

The girls who are like, oh, I wanted to blow him.

It's like, sorry.

That time has passed.

You should have been born earlier.

Now it's Q who gets to blow him.

What I said is 100% true.

Yeah.

It is not happening anymore.

Who's going to go on to be a rock star anymore?

Look, let me explain something to you.

It's half the reason.

It's the only reason.

The money's the other half.

Yeah, that's true.

But the money is only in service of getting more pussy.

But But now you can't make money as a rock star with everybody stealing the music.

The only thing you have now left is, I thought, was

the groupie angle.

It is the.

Well, let me tell you something.

I get to hang out with people who are on TV and stuff like that.

So I've heard.

Inevitably, the conversation turns to how it's just no more fun.

The party's over.

Oh, good.

You know what?

You know what?

I was on TV.

I got none of that shit happened around me.

Do you remember any parties?

Do you remember anyone standing on the street?

I never got invited to anywhere.

Nope.

No one gave a fuck.

There were premieres in New York of comic book movies.

We're like, man,

you're not associated with comic books enough.

Yeah.

So he's, so, so he said, you want to watch him on the side of the stage?

I was like, I was like, yeah.

I said, I said, I'll try my best not to come out on the stage just as a joke.

And he was like, you want to come out and sing?

And I was like, really?

He goes, you know, the words to nothing but a good time.

I go, only every one.

Were you lying?

Or did you?

No, I fucking, did you see that video?

I'm up there.

But I thought maybe you went and a little, like, Googled the lyrics real quick.

No need, no need.

I seized the fucking moment in a very unlikely.

Now, what was, did the crowd know?

Oh, yeah.

Did you think they knew?

That was my big concern.

I was going to get out there and somebody would be like.

But I was in a good place.

People were excited.

It was Brooklyn, right?

It was known in New Jersey.

Brooklyn.

Oh, it was New Jersey County.

Okay.

Yeah, enough people in this area.

I figured that enough people wouldn't know who you were, that it wouldn't be like

why.

Is this like his cousin or something?

Yeah, yeah.

It wasn't the case.

It was great.

We're in the hot slots in everyone's cock.

He is

a really, really fucking nice guy.

Like,

he's...

He could he not be.

He fucking invited you on stage.

Of course he's a nice guy.

Yeah, but if like talking to him in the back, like you could tell like people who have like lived so much that they're not fucking worried about nothing no more.

He's just happy to do it.

He's happy to be there.

And we were talking about touring, and he's like, I love it.

He's like, it's what I live for.

It's what I love to do.

And I'm like, oh, good for you.

I didn't like the story.

You tour just as much as he does now, I bet you.

I do not.

And now they're doing that big tour.

They fucking sold out City Field in like a day.

Who, Brett?

Michaels are poison.

Poison.

Oh, he's back.

Modeling crew and

John Jett.

Definitely.

Joan Jett, Def Leppard.

Yeah, that's a big deal.

They're selling out arenas across the stadium.

Would you be able to do that?

I love arena stadiums.

Now, if you call them and are like, hey, man, can I

go on tour with you?

You're going to pay me, but I'm just going to come out and I'm going to sing Nothing But a Good Time every Night With You.

I'm going to give you an exclusive.

I'm going to give you a Tom Steve Davidson.

This is a good exclusive, too.

You'll like that.

He asked if I would come on stage at City Field and sing it with him.

Really?

Are you going to do it?

Yeah.

I mean, why?

I don't know if he'll remember it.

Like at the moment, he might have just said it.

Would you just show up then?

Yeah.

Well, hey, Brett.

Yeah.

I really like the guy.

Yeah.

yeah, so maybe, maybe you'll see me.

But I had to go to my voice doctor and

get permission?

No,

I had to walk in.

I had to walk a shame, explain what was going on with my throat, and be like, I'm so stupid that I'm the guy who six months, six weeks after throat surgery, got on stage and sang.

Man, you only live once.

That was my point.

You only live once.

That voice could go.

You know what?

Big deal.

At least you got to sing it.

People won't mind.

It was.

It was.

RoboQ could come back.

People loved RoboQ.

People like RoboQ more than RoboQ.

They really liked RoboQ.

I don't blame them.

I don't know if they liked RoboQ as much as they liked RoboQ's inability to answer quickly and us hammering RoboQ.

RoboQ is great.

But it was, it was, dude, it was one of those moments where I was like, because, dude, like, it's good to be going.

My whole life listened to

this music.

You know what I mean?

Like, my first car ever, I definitely listened to, like, nothing but a good time in it.

Of course, you did it with a laser.

Teased your hair.

Guy all the time.

Pulling a hairspray.

It's crazy.

I show Mary Beth pictures of, like, the Glam Rock era and how

much they look like females.

It's insane.

Is she just like, wow, this is like looking at a cave painting.

It was so long ago.

they loved it they they couldn't get i i told my first wife stacy patel i said i my theory on why girls like glam rockers so much is like you think of their age they're very young like 13 14 some were some were older but they look so much like girls that it's they like these girls know their guys these young girls they know their guys but it seems safer it's not like You're not going to have a crush on Lemmy at 14 or 14.

But Michaels is so good looking and almost looks like a girl.

You watch, yeah, you watch behind-the-scenes shit with these guys.

Because Lemmy looked like your father's mechanic.

Yeah.

You couldn't.

No girl could be, unless you're truly into metal.

There was definitely groupies for him.

And they probably were hot, but they were of a different mindset.

They were all about the music.

They didn't care what he looked like.

I mean, he could have been fine.

You couldn't care what he looked like.

Because it's Lemmy.

He had some kind of cachet.

Whereas, yeah, like a Brett Michaels or any number.

Even if he couldn't sing, which he could, he definitely could sing, but he looked so good in those pants.

Didn't matter what he sounded like.

Still looks good.

Yeah.

Still looks good.

Although, do you have any inside scoop on the bandana?

I feel like maybe his hair is thinning a little because you never see him without the bandana.

I don't have any.

I thought he had brain surgery, though.

I think that's why he had to cover a scar.

I kind of, I don't know.

He's talking out of my ass, but I really thought it covers a nasty scar because he had

a swollen brain.

Didn't you have that?

I don't know.

Yeah, but they didn't cut my head open.

I had a swollen cock when he was singing with them.

Yeah, I'm like, this is going to explode.

You know what I did on New Year's?

What's that?

My daughter was having friends over,

and they want to stay up, you know, and do they want to stay up to midnight.

Yeah.

Fucking kids.

No, this is your, I know, right?

My youngest one.

This is your younger one.

So she's going to have three or her girlfriends over.

So I say to my wife, I was just like,

we should go.

Should we invite Brian?

didn't say that

well yours didn't ring so i guess i said we should go uh get a room oh i said and you know just spend new year's uh nice right and she said yeah

i was like oh all right and so we got a room and right next to a little restaurant that we could you know go someplace and have something to eat yeah within walking distance it was like right next to it is it a nearby place where you can get a decent steak if And the blokes

and the Sheilas.

Not a bad place.

Not that bad a place.

But like, so by New Year's, I was like, I said to her, I was like,

from

seven to midnight,

it's going to be all about,

it's all romance, I said.

I don't get to say steaks.

All right.

So I'm making these proclamations.

It's going to happen from seven to midnight.

And then at midnight, that's when I'm done.

Right.

By eight o'clock, I was watching Dog the Bounty Hunter.

I was just like, it's just too exciting in a hotel room.

It's just way too exciting to be like, I'm going to make, I'm going to last until midnight.

You've got to be out of your mind.

I'm in a hotel room, and then I know, I got to go to the Outback in a few minutes.

I start going faster.

Oh, that's pretty nice, though.

That was nice.

It sounds like a great evening.

But it was, you know,

I filled her head up with like, you know,

midnight, you know, I'll be, you know, it's going to be.

Do you think she's known you long enough to be like, we'll be just

bounty hunter by the end?

Do you think I want to go until midnight?

Yeah.

But, yeah, they had a dog, the bounty hunter, a marathon, on from season one.

A lot has changed for dogs since season one.

I guess for everybody, you know, not just, and I don't mean that because I just meant his,

he just aged, you know, just like everybody else.

But yeah, it was fun.

I really liked that show.

Do you find it depressing a little when you see people, like you haven't seen them in a while, and then you're like, oh my God, they've aged much.

Yeah, it just reminds you that you're changing

it.

It reminds you.

It's just a reminder

of your own mortality.

Well, the nice thing is, like, you don't got to worry about the girls.

Like, there's no, like, you are free

to do what you're doing.

Yeah, like, when you're in the room, it's like, and did it make you think, like, maybe you should do this more often?

Yeah,

yeah, definitely.

I like that you could basically walk to the place if you felt like it.

See, that's not close to this, right?

I mean, we're not lying.

It's like two steps out, and I'm sitting in fucking Outback.

But

the...

Oh, is it the Outback we used to go to?

Yeah.

Okay, got it.

Yeah.

What my girls do with my wife, I know you guys will have no fucking reference for this, but they put each other on this app that they do where they can track each other.

Yeah.

And they know where everybody is at all times and they like and they'll text each other and be like, what are you doing at

Macy's?

Because they know.

So my wife is like, because we told them we were going to movies.

Oh, she's like.

What are they showing

at the hotel?

I mean, had you rented a movie from there, technically.

We said

we told the older one

We were going to see Star Wars, but then I made the mistake of that.

And we had already mentioned that we had saw Star Wars earlier.

So they were like, well, we tracked you.

You were never at the theater and you already saw Star Wars.

Go to your room.

That's funny that they tracked you.

And I was like, I told her, because my wife was just like, she's like, maybe I should turn the thing off.

I'm like, that'll be even more fucking

suspicious.

I'd go, they're not tracking you on New Year's Eve, I said.

They're with their friends.

No one is tracking you at this point.

They tracked her.

But did you ask them why the little blue dot is like going up up and down.

They're like, wait, they just moved six feet.

They're probably eating dinner now.

Gross.

Wow, that's a good plan.

That's a real good plan.

Yeah, it's nice.

We plan to do it again.

I mean, I fucked Mary Beth on Troy's bed and didn't mention it.

All of everybody's coaching.

Yeah.

Wiped it off on the drapes.

Damn, I feel lame for working.

You are on stage, though.

I mean, that's a bit more.

That's a bit more fucking rock and roll than us.

You're on stage performing to thousands of adoring fans.

Yeah, but very dry penis.

Like, nothing was happening of excitement.

And then I watched Chernobyl.

Oh, yeah.

The HBO thing.

Oh,

that's going to make it hard to get in the mood

watching Chernobyl.

Yeah, why don't you watch something like Dog that would really put her in the mood?

Dog is afterwards.

No,

it was a lot like Christmas, like just spent alone watching shit.

It was great.

Okay.

Well, as long as you sound like you said it was great, that's good that you at least.

Did you see Chernobyl?

I've seen a lot of documentaries on Chernobyl, but I haven't seen the one on HBO.

It's not a documentary.

It's like a documentary.

Oh, okay.

It's a mini-series.

Yeah, it is fucking

excellent.

Scary.

Dude.

I know the whole story about that shit.

That shit is fucking unreal.

What they went through.

I was

12, 10, ten like twelve when it went to happen it was nuts did you see this show i haven't watched it yet though but we yeah we were around 18 like i remember it vividly like all the reports coming out this fucking close and the people that it was in the hands of you're just like

these guys yeah but did you see how they fixed it what it took the massive effort and all the brainiacs that came together to fucking put that to move that that apparatus they put over it that's true well that was recently right yeah you're talking about the original one well the concrete and everything, the sarcophagus.

Yeah.

Dude, it's fuck.

They had this one shot,

and I looked it up, and you know, they dramatized some shit and whatever.

But, like, the one thing that really happened, like, this helicopter got just too close to the open reactor, and it just

like it disintegrated the blades on the helicopter, and they just fucking plummeted right into it.

And it happened like that.

And you're just like, oh, my God.

And they talk about people who would go in for like

60 seconds at a time just because the exposure would be too much.

Like, shovel the debris off the top of the roof and shit.

Get out.

That was, dude, they do that scene 90 seconds, and you stay with one guy the entire 90 seconds, and you're just like, oh my fucking God, this is crazy what I'm watching.

This is crazy.

It was bonkers.

And then

the two guys that

really fucking saved everybody, you're just like, these guys are fucking heroes.

But like, Russia squashed them.

Squashed them because they didn't want to admit that they did anything wrong.

It was fucking crazy.

Could you imagine getting that call, though, to fix it?

Like, you know that you're one of the smartest human beings on the planet.

You're like, well, we're going to figure a way to fucking put these tracks up and move this apparatus, the sarcophagus, like an inch at a time to put it into place.

And it will be okay for 100 years, but in 100 years, someone's going to have to figure it out.

But again, what you're talking about,

the thing on the rails was 2017.

That was the sarcophagus, like the original concrete structure, that's the fucking one where you're like, they made it and immediately it was leaking.

It wasn't made well.

You're like, holy shit, this is the thing.

But they wise up finally in 2017.

They're like, we got to get the brightest and the best.

Yeah.

Well, at that point,

it wasn't under the control of the Russians.

What would you do if they got the call?

You're on tour.

Wait, I'm on tour?

You're on tour.

So I'm on a parental joker.

They're asking me to figure this out?

You want to just be part of the team.

You don't have to figure out the whole thing, but you just got to come in and give yourself yourself so unrealistic.

They're like, he seems reasonably bright.

Let's put him in charge.

You're not in charge.

You're just part of, like, a hundred-man crew.

I think a better question would be, like, if I was still in the fire department, like, what would I have done there rather than be, like, what would I do now?

Because those firemen were like, they were just like, no, they, they, nobody knew.

There was a point for days where nobody knew how dangerous it was, and all those guys just fucking like died.

Are we talking about 9-11?

No, no, no.

Right.

But now, but then there came a point where they all knew that just reporting for work, you're dead.

And they still went.

They still fucking went and did it.

It was nuts.

The things that people do for their country or

their company, I'm just like, who the fuck would, like, I could not summon the amount of caring that, like, if they're like, you're going to die if you go in and do this.

I'd be like, can't somebody else hold a shovel?

Like, I know I'm not the one who's in charge.

So I would really prefer not to move.

If you don't do it and nobody else does it, you're going to die anyway.

I'll fucking move.

You can't move.

You're going to have to go.

Walk away.

They would have lost all of Europe.

They were looking at scenarios where it's just like,

the entire continent of Europe will be gone if we don't fix this.

Oh, no,

I'm talking about somebody who's like some schmo, just some schlemp.

Because they do it all the time.

They put a gun to your head, probably, to make you do it.

At least I'd die with a DJ.

Or your family's head.

Instead of the

well.

Oh, yeah.

That's what they were saying because, like, they knew they knew that Russia was lying.

The lead scientists knew that Russia was lying.

And the problem was the other reactors in the country had the same design flaw that caused the explosion.

And he wanted to report that.

at Vienna at this conference to explain to, because I had to explain to the world what happened.

And they were basically like, well, if you tell the truth,

they'll kill you and your entire family.

So he had to lie, and

you're like, this fucking nuts.

And then what he did was

he recorded audio cassettes of what was really happening, gave them to a reporter, then killed himself.

And that's how Russia, and then when those tapes came out, Russia had to admit that the other reactors had that problem and they had to fix it.

But the guy had to kill himself

to make sure that he could safely say it.

Holy shit, man.

That's a level of sacrifice.

They're like, in the morning if it's too cold and Sage forgets her glasses, I'm like, if she really needs them,

I have to go out in the cold and drive three blocks to get these glasses to her, let alone recording cassettes and

often yourself.

For New Year's when you went to the Outback.

I would have to imagine that you were fully prepared, but one thing noticeably absent, because you don't need it, would be blue chew.

Still don't have blue chew.

Well, maybe I should have had it, right?

Maybe then I and then I kind of had a round two after fucking after a couple hours of dog.

You would have been able to do a round two for sure.

Round two, if you don't have anything for me on a personal level, is like, I mean, the interest is non-existent.

The only odd thing, too, is like, even at this age, when we're at the desk and we're telling the lady that, like, you know, like, how do we check out?

Because we're going to check out early, we're going to check out probably around midnight because we're going to go home at midnight when the party's over with the girls.

And the look, like, we automatically feel like we put more in the look than probably there really was, but they're like, like that suspicious look from that stranger.

Yeah, I don't like that.

But what are they suspicious?

I don't know.

They just look up and they're like, oh, you're checking out early?

Okay, well, you could just leave the key on the nightstand, I guess, if you're not going to be there in the morning.

And we're just like, we just look at each other like we're doing something wrong.

See, now, if that were me, I would be like, I have no reason to stay overnight with a prostitute.

Like, I would definitely say that just to like throw them.

I don't think checking out's a thing anymore.

I think you just leave.

Oh, really?

We don't, yeah, we don't spend a lot of time in hotels, so we were just like, and plus, we were all nervous with the, we didn't want to leave in the front, the front desk lady didn't know what was going on.

I mean, our kids do, but

we don't want her to know.

We were someone from another country, we said

we're from the Ukraine, we don't have long to live.

You heard a Chernobyl?

You think she can track me, too, on my iPad?

Definitely not.

Wow, that sounds nice, though.

I like that.

Yeah, that's a very fun and cool thing to do.

Like $100.

Yeah.

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Well, that sounds like policy genius is saying they're getting the future wrong.

I got to admit, I'm impressed that they stuck to the theme for that entire ad.

The science fiction?

Yeah, they really went for it.

I like it.

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Good for you, policy genius.

Nice.

The other thing on New Year's with Troy was when I was talking to those teens, I was asking about the jokes, the dark humor, and stuff.

And then at

nowhere, one girl goes, Yeah, I know a girl in my class who likes to get peed on.

And I was like, No, these are high school students.

And then I learned a thing or two that I was

stunned.

When he told me this story, like, I rarely see Brian Johnson uncomfortable, but you were like, you were like,

as you were telling me the story, you were like, I don't know.

It felt weird talking to kids.

Like, you were like, I didn't bring this up.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was, dude, it was really bizarre.

But if they're 18, it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter.

And Troy's daughter's 17, I know.

So Troy is listening to this too?

Troy's the best part, like every, well, he came out.

He was inside, and then he came out.

And I was like, hey, you want to hear about kids in your class getting urinated on?

And this is why, when you asked me, did you say to Deb that a bra was coming over on New Year's?

Yeah, this is why I had to go back.

I know, but like, for some reason, people will just tell you this shit.

They do.

People tell me the weirdest shit.

You're right.

You're right about that.

But I'm looking at Troy's daughter, and every dad wants to think she knows nothing about getting peed on at 17.

He can rest assured because the look on her face as they're saying this, I'm like, this is not something they shared with her.

She was horrified.

Not horrified.

She was horrified because she was telling it in front of her fucking dad.

She wasn't horrified.

She seemed to be like, what?

Who are you talking about?

And then they named names.

I found out all kinds of stuff.

Craziness.

Stuff I was not involved in in high school.

I'm like, it was a major success.

Under the bra,

major success when we went to school.

Yeah, all this other stuff, it's just all fucking smoke and mirrors.

It's unnecessary and just

pointless.

A lot of people, you know, they attribute it to the internet and the internet porn that it normalizes all this other stuff.

But, yeah, like the peeing on, unless it's like, oh, I need it.

I fucking need it.

No.

You know, no one needs that.

No, you don't need it.

No one.

Probably.

You like it.

You guys fucking judgmental.

You don't need blowjobs.

I'm not saying you shouldn't do it.

As a teen, I don't know.

I don't know.

Where does it end then?

Where does it end?

I don't know.

Yeah.

Next thing you know, they got loaded guns held on people.

Yeah, but you're telling me we could send these kids to war, but they can't piss on each other in peace.

These kids aren't going to war.

Well, they could be.

What do you think?

What do you think about the state of affairs, Q?

Oh, yeah.

Iran and.

Hey, hey, it's pronounced Iran.

We have a very, we have a fundamentalist Islamist chick, Nina Redd, who is very, very upset that people call it Iran, rather than

Iran.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's Iran.

Which is what, I mean, that's what that guy should have been saying if he didn't want to get fucking blown up.

Oh, that's a dark joke.

That's some dark humor.

Did you sell that one on news?

He had gotten blown up by that.

What do you think?

Do you think we're going to avert catastrophe here, or do you think we're on the road to war?

Well, I think we're always on the road to war with those people over there in Iran.

Yes.

Iran.

Iran.

Iran.

But.

Iran, D-I-M-C.

I think, look,

people like this fucking general sh deserve to die.

The second you find out he's responsible for the death of 600 Americans, my only question is, why was he alive this long?

Like, why the fuck didn't we take him out earlier?

Warmonger, hopefully.

Can I ask you a question?

Turn him to glass.

Turn it all to glass.

But can I say, bring up a different point, though, that

in

your rush to

be

100% behind the USA every move, though,

is killing that guy, though, going to possibly bring about even more than 600 deaths

upon Americans, though?

You have to weigh the consequences, don't you?

Well, you also got to weigh the consequences of getting.

And before I even continue, allow me to say, I don't fucking know anything about it.

All I know is the headlines that I read.

That should be the disclaimer at the beginning of every episode.

So uninformed on this, you think that's like the complete and utter get out of jail card.

No matter what, I don't know what I'm talking about, but I'm going to tell you to continue to talk.

Because if anybody wants to hear an informed opinion, they can turn it off right now.

But if you want to hear fucking me shooting over the mouth, shooting at the head.

Turn their volume off.

Yeah, like to me, it's like

responsible for the deaths of 600 Americans.

Like, I think that guy, I think it's shameful that he was alive this long.

Fuck that guy.

But

I think their response is pretty genius.

To attack the bases and fire those missiles and nobody gets killed.

Like if Trump doesn't seize on this to de-escalate the whole fucking thing, then he's definitely a fucking mad man.

But I don't understand like the people in Iran.

Iran.

Maybe we should just stop worrying about this.

You know what?

Iran.

This is America.

You don't like it in the interaction.

But they have to know, though, that that was a completely hollow follow-up, though.

They have to know that they did something just to say, okay,

we retaliated, but kind of like winked-wink.

We didn't retaliate in a way that could.

I think that's why they did it.

But it's completely and utterly pointless, though.

Well, someone...

Not really.

You think they're telling...

You think the fucking Tehran radio station is like, no one got killed?

Do you think they're like, we slayed fucking 100 Americans in a missile attack?

And then they're going to

be like, well, fucking the Americans are saying they kill everybody.

And they're going to be like, you're going to believe the great white devil?

You know what I mean?

Which they would make.

But

can you believe our intel, though?

Can you believe that nobody died?

Or is there a concentrated effort to de-escalate and say, okay, if we say people died, then we got to fucking, then we got to make a move.

Let's just say no one died so we can just fucking get out of this.

I don't think so.

Has the American government ever been wrong about invading the country?

Are you right?

Are they ever lied?

That's the thing.

it's it's like you see all the people in in iran rallying death to the white devil death to america all this other shit and you're like i don't know that this isn't fucking 20 people and the rest of the country's like fuck it like i don't know that did you see that footage though of that fucking funeral though no oh yeah everybody's getting trampled and shit i'm sorry it's like michael jackson i'm sorry i mean yeah i don't know i could not imagine coming out you see that sea of people i'm like i'm staying home they would who's gonna miss me if i'm I'm not there?

Let me tell you something.

If you're a Muslim, you have to know that being involved in a stampede is more likely than not.

Whether it's Ramadan or somebody died

or the Shahs get hauled off by the helicopter.

I know that, but I mean, that happens a lot.

Yeah, they're always trampled.

Every time during Ramadan, somebody's getting trampled.

Because there's

a billion people in a town square.

Yeah.

They hear a firecracker and they fucking, you know, or they pull a body out of a casket and people start to get all whipped up into a frenzy.

Yeah, but like, let's get a piece of his robe or his hair or anything.

I'm not lying, right?

They pull him right out of the casket sometimes.

I don't know what they're doing.

I think it was the Shah died.

Like, yeah, they were trying to, like, lift him out.

And people are jumping on the coffin and pulling it down.

It's nuts.

I watched

this documentary over the break.

It was, I forget the name of it.

It was about John Domenyuk, the guy that they say was Ivan the Terrible.

They think he was Ivan the Terrible.

They think he was a guard.

guard oh i watched this you watched it yeah on netflix about the monster next door or whatever

how now you take the jewish people like you know they go to israel to try this what they're saying is a nazi war criminal um i don't know if he is or isn't but people are like i'll never forget his face i remember his face i'll never forget his face now holocaust you know long time ago So my mind, I'm like, I don't know how you could remember that, but if you're like, you know, you're in the the Holocaust, you're getting marked, they seem super certain, but then they're not certain because then some stuff comes out where it's like a guy's wrong about something, a fact, an important fact.

And this one is like, well, he was never there.

He was here.

So it's like, it's not ironclad.

It sure does seem like it was him.

I thought it was him.

But what I was impressed with was the fucking passion of these Jewish people.

Yeah.

I mean,

they are.

I don't understand religion really.

I don't get why people are so into it.

I wish I was, though, because if I felt the passion that these Jewish people displayed,

I don't know.

Maybe I'd be happier or something.

It seems like, since life is basically pointless,

that to have a God or like some sort of afterlife, some sort of reward, like a reward.

That's what I'm saying.

think.

All I need in life is something to look forward to.

That's what faith is all about, man, is that you're going to not just

die fucking alone and in pain.

You're going to live forever

in paradise.

That's a very comforting thought.

It is.

If you can convince yourself of it.

Like,

I love having something to look forward to.

Mary Beth's birthday is this weekend.

So we're going to go to Tampa because she really likes Salvador Dali, and and there's a Salvador Dali Museum there.

So I was like, I found a relatively inexpensive, like little two-day trip.

So we'll go down there, go to the museum and shit.

It'll be warm, so that's better than this.

That's something I can look forward to.

And that's what I need in life are these little things to look forward to.

Otherwise, it seems too empty.

Thinking that I'm going to go to heaven is not, to me, a realistic reward that I can look forward to.

Because I just don't believe it.

And I wish I did.

I really wish I did.

I think that, I mean, everybody, I guess, struggles with it.

You know, sometimes even I like go,

I'm not religious or anything, but it's like, oof,

can this thing really be real?

It's all about, you know, how do you, it's all about faith and can you keep it even when you start to struggle.

But I'm like, okay, Jesus is coming back.

What's he up to?

That he can't come back already.

You can't even think about it.

He's probably doing stuff that's like our little minds can't comprehend.

He's He's probably on the phone with a fucking IRS that the motherfuckers won't pick up.

Well, you got to figure out Jesus

is

not

human.

Right.

I mean, I know he was, but like, he's not.

So

for him, time, he might not even experience time like we do.

It might have been a second.

Well, he should take that into account because everyone's being real fucking patient.

So, you know, so if it's a second for him.

They really are.

They're not, but this is why everybody's fighting.

They all want to prove that they're they're right.

Like,

you can't fucking talk to some of these people.

Like, I'm not talking about just like, like, like

an Islamic fundamentalist is no different than the fucking hardcore Baptist Christian who is no different than some of those Jewish people that you see.

Like, in their minds, they are 100% right.

This is the way it's going to happen.

All you motherfuckers are wrong.

And not only that,

I'm going to try to convert you.

And if you are not pleased about being converted, converted, probably kill you.

Yeah, a lot of people do that.

A lot of killing.

A lot of killing.

It's nuts.

It's the shit that people do in the name of religion.

I'm like.

I saw a story today.

It was so fucking crazy.

The Catholic Church has hid $2 billion worth of assets from victims of pedophilia.

Believe it.

Totally believe it.

I just saw the story today.

It's definitely true.

They've hidden so that they can't be taking these assets so they don't have to pay out to the victims.

This is crazy.

These same people who sent priests they knew were molesting kids to other parishes, other people.

But that's where the thing, you can't,

your faith has to be, you have to separate it from man because man fucks everything up.

Man is just a fucking

brutal animal.

Like unto yourself, like Walt Flanagan is like, you know what, I have a certain faith and that faith gives me

a solace inside.

Like it gives me a comfort.

And I live my, I think you live your life like a pretty good person, you know?

Thank you.

So

if you're doing all that,

going to a building once a week to let everyone else know how great you are and then giving up some money to me doesn't mean anything.

And that's where the man-made construct comes in that I can't get behind.

It's like, give us your money and

follow these rules that so many people don't.

The hypocrisy within the churches,

it's fucking

moralizing.

Thank you.

And Brian, could

Could you donate money now knowing that they hid $2 billion worth of

throw this on the pile?

You're keeping away from kids whose lives you've ruined.

I don't understand

how they can recover from something like that.

I guess they re, but they, I don't know if they have recovered.

I mean, it's, it, I mean, it's

losing.

I haven't been to church in a really long time, so I would never know.

Is attendance going down?

Well, they close.

And what happens is, like, like, it's weird.

These malls close, and then these churches open in them.

Down in Florida, I saw a couple of them.

It's weird, like, but you can get a mega church.

But if you get, yeah, I guess if you get a flamboyant and charismatic preacher, that's all you need.

So you can, you can

convince people that, you know, of anything and to give you money

for anything.

Patreon.com/slash telemtv

go there for for videos and podcasts.

Oh, yeah, man.

There's so much good shit on there, man.

It's that should be.

You're actually getting something.

Yes, you're getting something.

And we're not hiding assets because anyone enlisted kids.

Nothing like that.

Patreon.com slash Telmsteve Dave should be your cathedral.

Yeah.

Every Tuesday, you can visit that fucking church.

Keep your Sundays free.

Yeah, you don't have to fuck up your whole weekend.

It's on a Tuesday.

You listen to it at your leisure.

You don't have to listen on Tuesday, but you know the comfort and the solace solace that

that comfort is going to be there on Tuesdays, the most holy of days.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Tuesday's the new Sunday.

Yeah, it's...

It doesn't even make you mad, and it does make you wonder what these people

who do keep donating.

Or like,

what's his name?

Like, Jim Baker.

Oh.

These people that they expose as hypocrites.

And people are so crazy.

I re-watched Wild, Wild Country with Mary Beth, and I'm like, these people are nuts, man.

Like, really, did you see it?

It's a, it was like

this cult that moved into a commune, they say, from India, they move into Oregon

on this giant ranch.

And there's not that many people to begin with, but eventually it swells to thousands of people.

And they're right next to a town that has less than a hundred people in it and the townspeople are like what the these guys are like you can hear them at night they're all like and it's like a sex cult so they're all banging and shit making all sorts of noise if you're going to join a cult make sure it's a sex cult

if you're a dude if you're a girl i don't know if it's the best move if you're if you're a chick though no probably not for a girl um or a guy even because like if you if you join a sex cult and you're a guy a lot of times it's like the main guy is like i'm gonna bang your wife now oh okay it's not It's not just a free-for-all.

Oh, no, it's a, it seemed to be a free-for-all.

And it's got to be something particular.

It's got to be something

that gets to call a shot.

It's a guy who says almost nothing.

And when he does say something, you're like, well, that's pretty trite.

That's bullshit.

He's 17 Rolls-Royces.

He's wearing a million-dollar watch.

And I'm like, how the fuck are people not cynical enough to look at that and be like, what am I?

I gave all my money so he can wear that.

They're lost, man.

They're so lost.

They're fucking just looking for anything to buy into, man.

Yeah.

And I think that they believe, like, they're so tired of

their life, like the rat race type life, that they're like, oh, wait, I could live in a commune and everybody's real nice to each other.

And da, da, da.

But then eventually what happens is they like the leadership wants to take over the town.

So they start importing all these homeless people so the homeless people can vote and they can take over not only the town, but they want to take over the county.

And then she's like, we want to take over the state.

That's not something that people are going to take lightly and just fucking sit back and allow you to do it.

So they're investigated.

There's all this other stuff.

But yeah, it's.

You could bet your fucking boots that there's a fucking crime committed in there in that fucking commune somewhere that they'll fucking nail them on.

Well, do you remember when

it would have been the 80s when there was

a cult went in and sprayed the salad pot?

That's them.

That's them.

That's the remnants of that cult?

Yep.

Those are the people.

How is that cult still in business?

They moved to India.

They moved to India.

Same thing with the documentary you watched on Netflix about Bikram yoga.

It's like a certain style of yoga.

And this guy, Bikram.

That's not how you pronounce it, is it?

Boko Ram?

Oh, no, you're thinking of the African terrorist group, Boko Haram.

Pretty much.

This guy was a terrorist unto himself.

Again, we're speaking totally on uninformed, uneducated here.

Turn it off if you have any qualms or any issues with what we're saying.

India may as well be Africa.

I mean, come on.

It's a country that there's a lot of poor people who will do anything in order to fucking survive but this this bikram guy who comes from india uh develops a certain style of yoga hot yoga that people are totally into that where you have to like sit in a in a little place

and get like it's like so hot that you could die like the heat is so intense is that that no uh

No, I think that's like what the Russian people do, right?

Like they take those real deep steam baths or saunas or whatever, and people fucking drop drop dead.

Yeah, yeah.

No, this is more of just like...

Yeah, it's like, it's very steamy.

Yeah, Ming has done that.

Very stiff.

It's not that hot.

He calls it Dikram.

That's the style of yoga.

But so this Bikram guy starts

leaning on certain women, like you got to have sex with me and is like, like a Harvey Weinstein type thing, basically.

And he gets arrested and he won't he won't testify in the deposition and next thing you know he's out there fucking practicing it in a different country and you see all these women who know he's a rapist they know it

uh he's I think he was in France and they're all surrounding him and I'm like how am I supposed to support women and me too and all this other shit when every fucking time you turn around they're doing things that fly in the face of it the best way I can support me too is by not me toing somebody.

By being in a position where I'm not like, hey, baby, fucking, if you want to keep your job.

Well, how other ways you can do it?

It's the only way.

No, I mean, like, what other ways are there that you can.

Oh, I could go out there with a pink pussy hat, like La Dondo, and fucking, you know, show my face.

I see.

He has a pussy hat?

Of course he does.

It's shaped like a vagina?

Well, you know what I'm talking about, right?

Like the pink hat that they wear for the women's mindset.

Oh, no, I had no idea.

I think it's supposed to rest.

It's like a shape like a vagina.

I mean, how looks like that.

It's not what you wanted that to be.

Oh, it's not like a cartoonish-looking hat that looks like a...

Okay.

That would be great.

Yeah, then I'd wear it.

Yeah, I mean, I think that there's a world of difference between

someone going to work and their boss sexually harassing them and people who willingly join cults.

Yeah,

those women are.

But that's what, no, this wasn't a cult.

God damn it.

It just disappeared.

That was like the oddest thing.

It's like you have some sort of electrical discharge on your fingers.

like you showed it and it disappeared pussy hat pussy hat how much is that going for that is a reasonable twenty three dollars it's hand-knit looks like planned parenthood donation pink cat hat feminism girl boss blah blah blah um

look man

i i watch these documentary the the big room thing is like no people paid to go to it you know people paid to uh it was a course where they could learn and they could become instructors but the women he liked the more favored favored ones were the ones that he kind of like tried to pressure into banging him and shit even though like the lady was like

I saw him as a mentor and nothing else and I never in a million years imagined that like he'd corner me and start this shit yeah but you can't blame any one gender though man it's it's both they fucking they're just so lost and so fucking

dying to find some sort of meaning that I mean they're fucking there's death cults that fucking people will kill themselves for these people too so I I mean,

they're just

lost souls.

I told Mary Beth, I said, like, if Edgar had left

and Pam happened to run into a moony,

oh, yeah, she'd shave her head and she'd be fucking, you know, all have shaved heads.

Yep.

We'd have no money.

You know, you'd be in a fucking airport fucking chanting for fucking money.

Yeah.

Banging a fucking tambourine, being like, I don't know, this is my life.

What do you want from me?

Tell him, Steve Davis.

We got it out of the air.

I wish we could.

If these Mooney's robes were made out of Miundis, they...

Oh, Miyundis.

I never mind a good Mooney.

Be longing to show for Miyundis is always okay.

You want to talk about it, yeah.

The holidays, they came and went so fast, and they'll be missed.

But we also think it's time to just throw in some comfy pests and chill out.

I wore my Meandy's lounge pants quite a bit over that Christmas break.

Yeah.

Yeah, I like them.

I didn't care for the Star Wars ones.

They seem too busy.

Again, they just stopped sending me these things.

I don't get them anymore.

They're supposed to all go to Stacy.

I don't know why.

I don't know why they're doing that.

You got an assistant.

Why don't you fucking have your assistant?

Maybe.

Deal with it.

I don't know.

I'm just not getting them.

I don't know.

Might be time to lay into her and fucking read her the riot act.

Yeah, I'd be like, it's time for your performance review.

Let's just do this Bikram hot yoga.

How do you think these Miandi's looking?

She would have a hell of a sexual harassment case against me.

Budget?

I'll be fucking 20 years of trying to get in her pants.

That's true.

Did you say that out loud?

What?

She would admit that, though?

Should I admit it?

Yeah.

I would literally have no defense

if she decided you were going to get to her.

I couldn't even play it.

I would be like, she's red.

I guess how much should I give her?

You don't understand.

I started...

In the 90s when shit like this was acceptable.

Yeah, when pursuing a girl that you were interested in was not only,

it was lauded.

It was seen as something where it's like all right he's he's starry-eyed he's in love right yeah what's the most starry-eyed thing they ever did to uh to woo somebody where you look back and you're like i can't believe i did that like like hold up hold the boombox up at her window kind of thing excluding dog marathons

which sounds fucking great to me but sitting there watching tv in a room where i know nobody's going to bother me watching a show i like oh it's it's awesome

it does sound awesome man i've said that's what i that's what my Christmas was and my New Year's was.

It's good.

I never really went for business.

You never did anything like over the top.

I was caged when I was in my early 20s.

But you never did anything like, you know, like that kind of like say anything kind of moment where you did that iconic thing where you just did something like the boom box over your head with your favorite song and the rain.

You never throw a girl up on a pinball machine like the accused.

So totally different vibes.

I don't know.

Is that sort of thing

still coveted by girls?

Like the guy who will go out in the rain with the boombox underneath the window?

Some women, I think.

Yeah, that could still work.

I mean, as long as you're not like, as long as you're not like

one step away from getting a restraint

and you're still showing up outside.

Are you suggesting 20 years later he should go outside Stacey's window with the boombox?

Hey, what's the Every Rose has a

song you saw?

Nothing good time.

Nothing but a good time.

Come on, Stacey.

Why can't you just admit to, like, I realize it?

You're the rose, I'm the thorn, but

I got a nice prick to me.

Yeah, I don't know.

You know what?

I'm glad that I'm not

young in this era.

You wouldn't survive, would you?

I just think

it's

confusing.

I think.

Well,

the rules change so frequently.

You're like, I don't know what to say.

I don't know what to do.

Is this inappropriate?

It doesn't change up here, but like on a person-to-person level, like

you told me something recently about a friend saying something to you that I was pretty surprised about.

Like,

you said something, and they were like, that bothers me.

You said that.

And I was very surprised that someone our age would have any thought about that kind of stuff.

And it wasn't that bad.

No.

It wasn't even.

I made a joke, and someone who I'm very close to was like, I don't appreciate that joke.

I feel uncomfortably sad.

Were you surprised, taken aback?

Fucking completely.

But I was like, really?

I was like, oh, well.

Yeah.

People think that I'm not sensitive about some things.

But

what a great way to handle it.

You felt

you were happy.

Oh, I mean, for them.

For them to just straight up be like,

put you on the spot and make you feel awkward.

My feeling was just like,

yeah, that would be fun.

Man, that would be like.

But somebody I'm close to.

Yeah, I went to the Devil's Game with Sunday Jeff, and I'm just sitting there and I'm fucking screaming at the ref.

And I say something like, you know, when you're in at the game, you may say the ref sucks something.

and then some and then Sunday Jeff is like, hey, I'm not comfortable with that.

I'd be like, really fucking chill the fucking mood of the game, though.

You would not go to another game with him.

Never.

Right.

That's what this Pris.

Yeah.

But the fucking ref can't suck a dick if he makes the wrong call.

Yeah, it makes me think maybe some of the fans like sucking dick too.

Got something you want to tell me, Sunday Jeff?

But you're so accustomed to people not being affected by the things you said.

I mean, this person is

10 years younger than me, so there's a generation.

Okay, there we go.

That explains it.

That says a lot.

And you know what?

Like, what am I going to do?

I could either be like...

Double down.

Yeah.

Well, you think that was bad?

I'll just put the N-word in front of whatever I just said.

It wasn't the N-word.

No, it wasn't.

It was not.

It was.

No, I mean, you put that in front of whatever you just said to double down.

Yeah, so I was just like, I was like, you know what?

I was like, all right.

And then I moved on.

But it is, you know what?

It is that thing of like, this person,

I will never be

yourself.

Well, I'll know not to.

Yeah, as much as I like this person,

it is like...

You can't be yourself around them, 100% yourself.

They're now a list of people that I would not.

You're cognizant of them in the room now.

I'm maybe not going to hang out as much because I'm just like, we just, I mean, I don't want to fucking think about it.

I'm like,

it is.

It is a thing where you're just like, I just don't want want it.

It cannot not be a thing.

I don't think they were wrong to say it.

I mean, why don't we just pull the curtain back?

It was Nina Redden.

You said I read it instead of Iran.

Yeah, I don't think it's weird because I don't think they're wrong to say it.

And I'm glad that they felt comfortable enough to me to say it.

But on the other hand, what I said was so minor that

it seemed like a waste for them to spend it on that.

And then on the other hand, because you can only do it once.

You can only do it once.

Right.

You can only do it once.

But like, on the other hand, I'm just like, all right, well, what you've just done is illustrated yourself as a person that I don't want to hang out with that much because I don't want to watch my mouth around my friends.

I just don't want to.

And it's just like, and if I have to watch my mouth around you,

then

that's all right.

I'll see you when I see you.

That's it.

No problem.

You know.

So Miandis.

Yeah, so

Miyundis, anyway.

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It's dark, like 4 p.m.

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You know, before we started, we...

You came in tonight and you were not in the greatest of moods.

It would be fair to say, right?

I really didn't, you know, kind of shocked me into because I was not feeling great, too.

I don't know if you guys heard Tom Brady was eliminated from the playoffs

this weekend.

I did, and it was really.

Maxwell brought it to my attention.

I was like, why is he saying something about Tom Brady?

And then I went and looked it up, and then that's how I learned.

Yeah, they're saying it's over.

They're saying that he was.

Over for him or over?

Yeah.

46.

He said it's not.

Yeah, but I mean, I don't know if there's a lot of places left for him to play.

So it could be the end of

this is like seeing

because I've said it's not over for me several times, and many people are like, oh,

did it ever start?

You think a 42-year-old can,

a 43-year-old, by the time the next season rolls around, you think there's a place for him?

I think if we were talking about any 43-year-old, maybe not.

But we ain't talking about any 43-year-old.

Really?

You think so, huh?

I think he's got another one.

That brings me up a little bit.

Yeah, I think he's got another one in him.

One more.

One more.

One more.

I don't see.

I mean,

they just didn't make the playoffs, right?

They made the playoffs.

They made the playoffs.

They just lost it.

They lost in the middle.

He didn't play all that great.

Didn't he win fucking 10 times in a row?

It just seems that way.

Like, if you told me that he won 10 times in a row, I'd be like, I believe it.

Like, I just wouldn't.

But yeah, to discount and to count him out and be like, it's all on him seems a little strange.

But I don't know.

What does it feel?

Can you imagine what it must feel like?

I don't know how you can do this,

but to know the country was celebrating in your downfall, except for a pocket in Massachusetts,

how do you

compartmentalize that?

Is the right word?

How do you deal with that, though, when you know the whole country and parts of Europe are actually happy about that you may not be able to play anymore?

And they just are, they're just like, oh, yes, I'm so glad to see him get his comeuppance.

I'm so glad to see him.

Let me check Reddit.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.