#426: Gone Phishin’

The thing I noticed since losing weight is I am so veiny now.

I look like a fucking Rick Baker creation.

It's fucking disgusting.

Okay, the only way I can fucking make it in show business is I gotta fist myself.

Mike is fucking pure fucking, what's that called?

Straight edge, hard edge, like me.

Straight edge?

Okay.

Well, so you so no pussy.

That's part of straight edge.

So I guess I believe it.

Is that really part of it?

Tell them, Steve Dave.

All right.

What was that all about?

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell them Steve Dave.

This is me not knowing.

I put notes down to talk about shit now.

I can't find them.

I'm losing everything.

I think it's.

This has been the you.

You've almost flipped out three times in the 14, 15 minutes I've been here.

IPed still safe.

What's going on?

I don't know.

Yeah, I'm very wound up lately, the last couple days.

Oh, you just got engaged.

You should be at the most

week.

The happiest

time of your life right now.

You should still be on the cloud.

Should still be on the cloud.

You're right.

But did the cloud drifted away?

The loss cleared up and fell back to Earth.

What about Mary Beth?

Is she still on her cloud?

Yeah, I think so.

I think, yeah, she's definitely more than me.

Really?

Is she worried that your cloud drifted away this quick?

No.

Come on.

I think she's probably shocked at Steve during the length of the engagement process.

although it really didn't because I got mad at the cards and threw them all over the place so kind of not uh

yeah I don't know what it is it's it's part of it is this shrink stuff like I have a merihealth again don't get a mera health anyone no shrinks I went online the fucking technology like doctor on demand blue chew type thing The fucking lady's connection dies, so I never get to do that.

And then I talked to Dr.

Steve.

Where are these connections at?

Maybe it's your Wi-Fi.

No, it's not mine.

It was theirs.

They said it was theirs.

Yeah.

Wow.

For one time.

Yeah.

Yeah, right.

You're dealing with people on the edge and who are like...

Especially psychiatry.

Yeah.

A bad connection could mean the end of everything.

Right.

Yeah, I got the fucking noose around my neck and

it goes out.

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know.

Fuck.

I had like a tab up and now the tab is gone.

Did you see Terminator?

It did.

What did you think?

I did.

I thought it was entertaining enough.

There was like some shit I wasn't crazy about.

The girl power stuff never bothered me.

Although there were times when I'm like the blonde Terminator lady.

Like the bitchiness with the colours.

I haven't seen it yet.

Oh, you haven't seen it?

Oh, me and Walt saw it separately, of course.

But who'd you go see it with?

My wife.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We were sitting behind you, me and Mary Beth.

Oh, no, you weren't.

We were in a chest row.

Were you?

You're up against the wall.

There was a guy.

Oh, that was you, huh?

That was you.

I mean, I saw you.

I didn't see her, though, bro.

Yep.

No, I did see a guy in the very back row.

This movie sucks.

So you better start.

You know the way Walt Flanagan does it.

No, there was a guy in the very last row, and I'm like, there's no doubt in my mind he's recording the movie on his phone.

Really?

Yeah.

Which I thought was weird because it's like...

In this day and age?

Yeah.

I'm like, does he want to watch it at home?

Because

it would look like it.

He probably wants to fucking illegally download it.

You You think so?

Yeah, I mean, you know, these fucking

cyber.

I guess people want to see that cyber terrorism.

No, it's cyber crime, cyber piracy.

Isn't a terrorist?

Okay.

I guess, in a way, some of them, right?

Yeah, I'm sure the studios would have a different.

Yeah, they're like, they're worse than the regular terrorists that are blashed up, blowing up our profit margin.

So it was okay.

I thought it was okay.

Well, you hated it.

I hated it.

You hated it.

I'm a big terminator.

You love T2.

I love T2, one of my all-time favorite movies, Top Three.

It would be like taking T2

and removing most of the good and original stuff.

Yeah.

And then putting it into a different movie where it's not original and not nearly as good.

I won't give anything away, but I felt the reason for the whole movie, with the Terminator coming back into the present and trying to kill whoever his mission was, you know, whoever he was sent here to kill,

was one of the thinnest

reasons.

I mean,

I don't know how much it costs for fucking Skynet to send a Terminator back in time.

I imagine it costs a lot.

And I'm thinking, like, are you fucking kidding me?

You wasted the money and the resources to send this Terminator back in time to kill this character who really just was like,

basically, all she did was say, she told a couple humans, we shouldn't fight each other.

We should be fighting the machines.

Like, yeah, you're right.

That was.

Are you talking about in the building?

when she rescues a girl?

Yeah, it was that was maybe the worst cinematic moment for me.

Because they set it up the whole time.

It's like, we don't know how to tell you why this turbine is here to kill her.

We don't want to tell you why she's so vital.

And then when they show you, you're like, are you fucking kidding me?

Yeah, hey, don't sexually assault little girls.

Let's beat up robots.

And they're like, yeah, you're right.

Yeah, it was pretty, pretty bad.

I mean, the Arnold stuff, I thought.

I mean, again, no, but I mean, I'm surprised Brian liked it.

So you really shouldn't go on me.

I think you and Bri have a much more in-tuned

brain.

Well, did you like the third one?

Rise of the Machines?

I actually enjoyed the third one.

Yeah, I like the third one.

I know people pan it, and they really go after it as being terrible.

I thought it was way better than I had a right to be.

Yeah, I enjoyed it.

I actually kind of dug it.

But this one,

I couldn't find anything I liked in it.

I mean, cinematically, I guess you could look at some of the stunts and be like, okay, I put a lot of effort into it.

So is he he's uh arnold yeah he's a new term he's another one he's another one he's a new one he's another one that's got stuck here since the 90s gotcha and um

i won't even tell you no i'll probably go see it this week i guess but i just wonder if they found the way to bring back the one from t2 or not no no okay no not at all yeah and again the guy like I kind of liked his look because it wasn't what you would expect.

Didn't do a new Terminator.

The new Terminator, yeah.

But

something about his character where you're like, well, why wouldn't he, like we talked about, like, why wouldn't you just do this?

And also, it's like, if you're going to send back the blonde Terminator lady,

that's like a half-assed Terminator.

The lady, the blonde that you see in the trailer.

And the trailers say she's half human, half-Terminator.

Technically, I guess that's true, but she's just been enhanced, so she has some robotic parts in her.

Okay.

If you're fighting a war against machines,

the last thing I think think you would do is put more machines in your body, right?

Yeah, you think they'd take them over?

Right.

I mean, I don't understand.

I was just dumbfounded throughout watching the whole movie.

I was like I said, I'm a big, big Terminator fan.

I love Arnold.

I mean, Arnold could do no wrong for me.

Maybe I shouldn't say that.

I don't really know.

I don't know all the wrong things he's done.

I'm just basing it on the fact that I like some Terminator movies and

Red Heat.

But

yeah, and Conan.

But yeah, I really didn't enjoy it.

And I don't have high hopes for Star Wars either.

Walt didn't see it, but I'm curious if you see

when you see Arnold

and his home,

where he lives, his home life.

I'm curious to see if you see any parallels.

Parallels to

a real

world.

A real world Arnold.

Yeah, to a real world Arnold.

Yeah, you know, now that you said it,

I think there's more to it, but I wonder if even Arnold realized what the producers were saying then.

Arnold's just like, I'm a fucking star of another action movie.

Signing a dotted line.

I don't care what the fuck you do.

What do my wife and kid look like?

Who cares?

Q, we trended the other night.

Yeah,

I saw that.

Hi, Burrow.

No.

Burrow Rocks, Burrow.

Burrow Rocks.

Did we get any kind of confirmation from Burrow about, you know, tell him, Steve, Dave, coming through once again.

When the chips were down.

For the first time for them.

Just coming through, we made a wild statement out of our ass, right?

What's it called when you say something that's talking out your ass?

Yeah, talking out your ass.

We just threw out there, like, hey, you know what?

We're going to try to make Burrow trend.

And we did it.

And not only did we do it, did we do it?

We did it on Sunday night up against Sunday Night Football.

Crazy.

The number one show in America, Sunday Night Football.

Anything that's trending is just about Sunday night football, except fucking tell him Steve Dave and Burrow Rocks.

It's insane.

I mean, the accomplishment of that, I mean, if you don't realize what it took to do that,

it's astonishing.

I mean,

whispers have to be applauded.

And just like, I don't care if Burrow fucking never even acknowledges it.

They fucking know.

They've got it.

They fucking know.

And they know they better fucking respect us.

Motherfuckers.

All right.

What's the matter?

Why are you telling me to come up with an update?

No, I'm waiting on an update.

I'm all for cursing them out if they don't acknowledge it.

I mean, it's been 48 hours.

I mean, you haven't heard anything yet from them?

She said she sent an email.

She's waiting to hear back from the agency.

The agency wouldn't talk.

I mean, the borough wouldn't talk to her.

The agency would talk to her.

They still won't talk to her.

No, no, no.

She emailed the lady at the agency.

So she's just waiting on a response.

And they're on L.A.

time.

Gotcha.

All right.

Well, you know what?

Like I said, even, I mean, it's just the power that we hold in our hands.

It's, you know, it's like Spider-Man, man.

Yeah.

You got to use it responsibly.

I think we use it it responsibly.

In this instance, we use it to apologize to a corporation.

I mean, what?

Really, really using it for its best potential?

Yeah,

supplant corporate knob.

I thought the exact same thing.

When I saw all those tweets, when I saw people are like, fuck it, all right, let's do this for them.

I'm like, we should use this for something that matters.

Like,

why are we kissing the ass of a sponsor who's like, we're not coming back to you guys?

I don't care what you do.

I mean, I think it's just a show.

It's just fucking flexing your muscle and being like, you know what?

Fucking step back, motherfucker, or else we fucking will use it.

Yeah, we'll take it.

We haven't abused it yet, but we might.

It's been abused in the past when I had everybody go after that lady who insulted me in her newspaper, that rag.

Where is she now?

I don't even know.

You want to be on the front line with Art Barrel?

I don't even remember that.

It was a newspaper in that fucking.

It was like year two stuff.

It was real early on, yeah.

It was a newspaper where like Mike and Ming did an interview with some lady.

It was like a real local free paper.

Yeah.

And like

the interviewers insulting me, saying I look like Sasquatch or some shit.

And like the lady didn't do anything about it.

And so I went on here and I complained and I gave people the, at least the email address.

It might have been the phone.

I think I remember this now.

Yeah, she came in.

She's like, can you ask Brian

stop?

It's like, fuck you.

No.

Fuck you, lady.

No.

No.

You have, no.

I definitely did not.

It's like, you have no journalistic integrity.

You don't deserve a newspaper.

Print a retraction.

Print an apology or retraction.

So See, it doesn't look like Sasquatch.

Why didn't you do that then if you had the power to do it?

Why don't you demand a retraction then?

Now I got to demand retractions.

Well,

if she's asking you to stop, you should have been like, I'll stop when you print an apology.

Oh, yeah, but I would have rather have gone on, I guess.

Yeah.

I don't care about an apology.

Because it would have been fake.

Just like all these apologies are fake that people offer up.

They're like, I'm sorry because

now something is affecting me on a personal level, whether that be money or respect.

You know what?

Respect, that's the word, man.

People respect power.

and right there that was power right there

i feel i mean i know i'm on a power trip right now but i know man your dick is like brushing the ground

it's not even hard it's just no it's just angling all massive

but you know it's there it's like and they all kidnaps again i mean burrow has to know where it's all about jokes and everything but but do they seem to know the first time they really don't have a sense of humor do they it doesn't seem so and this is but you know what i don't dig into something no, no, no.

I'm just wondering, do they have a sense of humor?

This will be, this will be, and I don't even want them to come back.

I just want them to realize that's like, it was all said in jest.

Right.

Yeah.

I think they'll eventually get back.

Comedy podcasts.

There's no possible way that social media person didn't fucking recognize.

There's just no way.

Yeah, that's what I said.

I was like, you better recognize

what?

Do you have no ads?

No, I think we have one, but she doesn't have it yet.

Let's do an ad for ourselves.

Hey, I like that.

It's about time.

It's about time we talk about ourselves.

The big annual Tellum Steve Dave Christmas special 2019.

Now, will we see it mirror the effort of the Halloween special, which people universally?

No, don't say universally.

It could get back to Sven Goolie, and I want him to hear that.

It wasn't his fault.

Fuck no.

Nobody was like, Sven Gooley sucks.

But the Christmas episode, which will be on video as well as audio, will be dropping on Christmas Eve this year.

So if anybody's waiting for it after Black Friday, you're going to have a longer wait.

It's going to come out on Christmas Eve, December 24th, because we're filming it and recording it first week in December.

But it won't take as long as last year.

Well, it's definitely coming out on Christmas Eve.

There's no doubt about it.

It's going to be on Patreon for the $5 tier.

You're going to get the video and the audio, and it'll also be available on Bandcamp and on our website if you're not on Patreon.

So there'll be multiple ways to access it.

You excited, Q?

I am excited.

I am.

It's the only thing that gets you in the Christmas mood, right?

It gets me there, yeah.

Not a big Christmas.

I don't have a family, so I'm not, there's nothing for me to be like.

Can we buy these kids' gifts?

Reindeer.

It's fun to get together with the Tom, Steve, Dave, extended family.

You know, I spend that every Christmas alone.

Every year.

That's sad.

I hate to hear that.

Why don't you come to my house this year?

Because the reason that I spend it alone is because I

want to.

I'm looking after the cats.

You can bring the cats.

I can't bring the cats.

Lock them in a room with the dogs.

Do you put a...

I'll come by on Christmas.

You will come by.

I'll stop by.

Not for long, though, like maybe a half hour.

Just so I can fucking.

Do you want to coordinate?

I'll come by at the same time or no?

No.

No.

I think you can.

It's going to take me an hour to drive there.

And how long did you get to stay 15?

A half hour and just take a couple photos in front of the Christmas tree.

After seeing how in love they are with each other, you're going to want to leave after a half hour.

Let's play another game and fucking be a happy family.

What do you think the Johnsons are doing?

So I could come, I could play one game.

One more game, and then you're going to leave.

I'm down for that.

But not like

not a monopoly or something that's going to happen.

It's going to take a long time.

So have them like me and you know, like, sorry.

Like Uno or something.

Okay.

I'm in.

And I'll make sure I shuffle it so you get out real quick.

Great, perfect.

I'm into it.

Girls are like, I'm sorry, did you just kick out one of the biggest TV stars right now?

Your friend?

Well, that's good.

They would be like, what?

He's coming today on Christmas Eve?

Why?

Even they would be like, that's weird.

No, Christmas Eve, I'm not alone.

Christmas Day.

Oh, you want to come Christmas Day?

Yeah, Christmas Eve.

I'm with my parents.

All right, well, we'll talk.

That may not be able to work.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Yeah.

I guess I'm alone on Christmas.

You can't start inviting yourself.

It seems pathetic.

It's just me and the cats.

One more year, five years in a row.

You'll be all right.

Frank, what do you do?

What's

the fuck at the Frank Creek?

We do Christmas Eve.

Are you kidding me?

I play fucking video games.

I sit there and make some cider with some fucking alcohol in it.

I just sit there in my robe.

I drink.

I watch movies, play video games.

It's amazing.

Yeah, that's similar to what I did last year, which was to desperately try to stop my mother from insulting my future wife by mentioning an ex-girlfriend.

That's like almost exactly the same.

Now, will this Christmas be different?

Because now you got to.

Yeah, I won't be there.

But let's say you did go to the Pam and Edgar's house.

Right.

What was their reaction when you told them that you're making Mary Beth

an honest woman?

And now she's going to be the future daughter-in-law.

I mean, they're like, prove it.

Fuck her in front of us.

Again.

Wait, I'm sorry.

What was the question?

Pam had to be fucking crying, bawling her eyes out, right?

She was excited.

And then today,

so today I stopped by Sage State Overnight last night.

So I stopped by and we're talking about it, the wedding, and she's like, oh, when is it?

And I said, I don't know.

Sometime in the summer, because we aren't.

It was last week.

Right.

I don't know yet.

That's why you don't have a fucking invitation with a date on it.

Because Eric needs to know as soon as he can because, you know,

it's a year away.

But I got to, Eric's my priority now.

I got to fucking worry about my brother who is like, oh, yeah, well, I have to know in advance.

Yeah, but this is.

It occurs to her to fucking tell me.

I'm not worried, though.

These are the things you have to come to.

You have to expect that.

No, I know that.

No, I don't.

No, I don't have to expect that.

I have to expect that when I check with everyone, which I will, here are the dates we're considering, what works best for everybody.

And then there'll be some odd people out, I'm sure, but there's some core people who have to be there.

Eric being one of them.

So I would definitely tell him in advance.

I don't need my mother being like, hurry up and fucking pick a date because your fucking brother needs to know in advance because he's a doctor and you're a shitheel.

We all know this.

Why are we even having this fucking conversation?

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

Shut the fuck up.

Be a fucking adult.

Do you have any weed you can give him?

A fucking adult be something other than this needling fucking person who doesn't, it doesn't occur to her to be like, hey, this is about you, not anyone else.

For fuck's sake.

The people around me are fucking mental cases and now I'm a mental case because of it.

By osmosis.

It bumped up against her.

Now I'm crazy.

Now you have to the wedding, no.

She's going to put the pressure on you.

She's going to start going, I want grandkids.

I could marry Eric and have a better chance of having grandkids.

Oh, why?

What happened?

Why?

You don't have any.

I ripped her womb out.

I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

First off, you could drop a couple LBs.

Uterus removal will help with that.

No, she doesn't want kids at all.

No,

so you're not going to.

Well, how do you, but maybe right now, but what about if that's not going to be?

Not right now and ever.

If she decided she wants kids, and like, I'm not sure about a lot of things, this I'm pretty sure about,

I'll be like, then go find somebody who can act as a father, not a great grandfather.

Because I'm too old.

No.

Never.

Never.

Never.

It's no matter your age.

It's about the love and the fucking

affection you give the kid.

It doesn't matter how old you are.

I don't have that for them.

I don't have any more affection.

It's all used up on stage.

Another kid coming in will get treated like I did as a kid.

So, no more affection.

No one do that then.

No.

That would be a bad move.

No, no.

You get snipped.

You get snipped?

Yeah, what?

Did I know?

No,

I get snipped.

Oh, why don't I?

Yeah.

I don't know.

I mean, can you get pregnant when you blast it all over her face, Frank 3?

So the Christmas special won't be dropping off.

I totally forgot we're looking at

it.

December 24th.

What a Christmas Eve it'll be.

I totally forgot we were in the middle of a Christmas.

Oh, boy.

I was about to say Merry Christmas.

What the hell?

I just had my phone.

There was something I wanted to show you.

That was...

Oh, yeah, here you go.

This is the thing that I forgot.

Although, Halloween, there's a new offensive costume that we were not aware of before.

Halloween.

This was in Australia.

I'm curious to see what you think because you're both very woke.

So this woman, who asked

the news to keep her last name anonymous, noticed a costume when shopping with her daughter.

The outfit, simply labeled as bride costume, depicts a young girl wearing a wedding gown and veil.

It was marked for children as young as four years old.

This is beyond inappropriate and offensive, and Kmart has a social responsibility to pull this item off the shelves immediately.

Kmart is still around in fucking Australia?

I guess so.

Wow.

Her outrage led her to starting a change.org petition.

The petition has earned close to 250 signatures in the three days since its launch.

Oh my God.

Every year, 12 million children are sold or married off by their family without their consent.

Child marriage means child abuse.

These are not fucking refugee third world children who are being taken advantage of.

This is somebody who walks into a fucking Kmart with their child.

And if their daughter is like, oh, a bride costume, why can't you be a bride?

You don't do the first thing that people would think is like, oh, child bride, I get it.

Ha ha.

No.

No.

I don't think the subject of child brides is funny at all, to tell you the truth.

I was going to say, do you think I think that now that Halloween has passed, maybe Mary Beth can get that fucking costume on discount 50% off and use it on her.

She already did.

There she is.

Would you have respected it more if the woman was like,

Look, man, can we stop trying to sell little girls this fucking marriage fantasy?

It's bullshit.

There's no Prince Charming nonsense.

But you don't have to buy it.

There's definitely Prince Charming out there.

You got two sitting at the table.

At least.

I'm hoping to reach Prince Charming status eventually.

Oh, come on.

You know that.

Well, you're exploding at gas station attendance will work.

Oh, wait, that was the last one.

Yeah, I mean, I just think it's like, as a parent, if you don't want to have to say no to your kid and that's the fucking reason that you think it should be pulled off the shelf, then that's, then you're an asshole.

And if you think it should be pulled off the shelf just because you don't agree with it,

and it's like, I don't think anybody's making light of child.

That never occurred to me once.

It's probably just a wedding dress.

It's just a fucking wedding dress.

But you don't think that's weird to have a four-year-old dressed in a wedding dress?

I absolutely do.

But for that little girl, it's probably like a princess dress.

What's the fucking difference between

a dress and a wedding dress?

She's not going to complain about the princess dress, right?

Even though none of these girls are going to be princesses, any of them.

Can I ask you a question, Q?

You mentioned the word prince charming.

What is a parent's obligation at this point?

How old do they have to

the child have to be

before you talk to them?

Or should you even approach the subject of like

there really isn't a Prince Charming out there?

For Mary Beth who's 25.

Like, what's the obligation of the parents?

Like, or do, or is there no obligation?

They have to find out on their own.

Because, I mean, there is, like,

I don't have kids, we know, but if I did, I think I would try and, from the get-go, instill

a healthy

dose of reality.

Disrespect for all that sort of stuff in them.

About Prince Charming, that people are flawed, and that if you're going to fall in love with them and marry them, you have to realize that they're not going to be like a storybook.

Yeah,

I think so.

But maybe it is.

You think you should.

I think you just started day one.

You just fucking like

instead of playing like baby Mozart or whatever the fuck that shit is, you just play a recording of you being like, there is no hope, really, in life.

Hope is for the week.

Yeah,

I would be like, look, yeah, that's nice and all, but you don't like, you know, hey, let's watch Snow White

or Sleeping Beauty or all these things where a prince comes in and saves them.

And explain to them that's a fairy tale.

And be like, I would be like, you know,

why are you better than Snow White?

And then hopefully my daughter would be like, because I ain't stupid enough to get tricked by that dumb witch to begin with.

And I'd be like, that is correct.

And what else happens?

Would you admit to being roofied like Snow White?

Remember, Snow White got put under, right?

She's been in a poison.

Yeah.

Oh, wait, who got roofied?

Was it Cinderella?

Dorothy was in the Poppy Field.

Poppy Field.

That's kind of a roofie man.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess it would have been Snow White, though.

I forgot it was the Apple thing.

I think they put some kind of like dust on her.

No.

An apple roofie.

Would you tell your kid that you got roofied, though?

Like, hey, it happened.

If it could happen to me.

What the fuck?

How do you go from that to that?

To be careful.

If he has a kid that's older, like 12, 13, like they're going out to a party.

Yeah, you would want it.

You've never told your.

At the cafeteria with the fucking milk.

Oh, yeah.

Fucking how out of touch are you man like you think that you're that kids don't go out where are 12 year olds uh acquiring these drugs school well i don't think the problem

i'm talking about i'm talking about booze like beer and shit yeah and i'm not necessarily talking about 12 year olds but if you talk to them when they're 12 they know to keep an eye out to if they have a drink or something

wow all right that's that's a horrific uh

how old do you want to tell them with this stuff

i mean i don't think 12 or 13 all the other shit these kids see 12 or 13 doesn't seem crazy to be like, hey, okay, so you're going to shatter their illusions about Prince Charming.

And I didn't say I was shattering anything about Prince Charming.

If they don't fucking know there's no Prince Charming could be drugged

at any moment.

Better to keep it all from them?

It's a little heavy, you know, to tell a child, though.

Yeah, until your fucking daughter gets raped because you don't want to have the conversation.

And because she's 14, she's at a house party, and it doesn't occur to her to keep her eye on her drink.

You know?

I would rather have the uncomfortable conversation.

I just would.

Yeah.

You know?

Because I don't think kids that age have, for the most part, illusions that the world is like this fucking awesome Prince Charming-esque place.

I don't know, man.

I think kids now,

it seems like.

I know, I make sure my kid doesn't know.

You told Sage about

you've had the roofie conversation.

Only after I roofied her, so she would know to be careful in the future.

I beg, if you don't want that to happen in a dangerous situation,

about your drink.

I was kind of, I mean,

maybe my, is the recorder recording?

It should be, yeah.

You never know.

I was hoping it was still turned off.

This is awful.

But no, you're talking about real shit.

People have kids out there, and nobody wants to have a kid.

Dude, I got a fucking email the other day from, like, I get these special needs

newsletter.

tip sheet type thing and they're having like this meeting or something where you go and you talk about your special needs child's sexuality.

And I'm like,

can't I just shoot myself here?

Do I have to go all the way there to do it?

Did you go to the meeting?

Fucking no way.

That's what a responsible parent would do.

I know, but I have to send you.

You got to have those uncomfortable fucking conversations, bro.

I'm coming from

the perspective of.

Now you're fucking

getting off that soapbox real quick.

No, I don't know.

But it's too unfucking comfortable.

I I don't know about a girl's sexuality.

If you want to go tell your girls how to be sexual, hey, man, you're the guy.

Wait, Savior.

Fucking come to tell every females how to fucking be.

I can't be sexual in that conversation, though.

Right.

Neither am I.

But you're telling, but you just got done telling everybody, but you should.

No.

But you have a wife who can do it.

You have a fucking soon-to-be wife that could do it.

Who can do it, right?

That's why I'm not doing it.

I don't have to do everything.

Did she go to the meeting?

No, the meeting hasn't happened.

Will she go to the meeting?

I would think probably not.

Why?

that would be go to the meeting next year

how committed she is to this her new family threat if i said that if i if i'm like you're being tested so

isn't every second of her life

yeah really

a trial anyway

if not a test at least a trial yeah she's like there's never any i mean it's weird there's a trial there's constant judgment but no resolution

so what was on the uh the docket for this meeting like what are some of the things you'll be going over later very general very general although i did masturbate thinking about the potential categories

what what do you oh my god what what that meeting must be like there was part of me that wanted to go just to see how cringy it was but then i'm like but then i have to acknowledge sage and that same

i can't do it i just i can't i'm sorry i can't do it i don't want to talk about periods i don't want to talk any girl stuff and if that makes me you know an asshole whatever i'll talk about being careful i'll talk about other certainly not handyman shit i'll be like you you want to really like cut to the bone like when you're like mocking someone here's you know here's disappointers

couldn't you just have them send home some printed material or like a video

uh i guess they could lay i'll be like hey can i have the handouts i'm not really quite ready it's like i didn't even want to go to health class myself when we were talking about that shit right

let alone yeah but she's gonna need help she is she doesn't need help yet.

Who's not going to talk to you, though?

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe her sister.

She and her sister are pretty close.

Right, but her sister is not equipped.

I don't think she didn't take the class.

She didn't take the fucking seminar.

So how is she going to go?

She's assisting in the class.

Yeah, my fucking sister should be going, not me.

This is girl shit.

I'm sorry for anybody who doesn't like that.

But yeah, this is girl shit, man.

I'm not that guy.

I'm too old.

I'm fucking 51.

I didn't want a kid in the first place.

Now that I have one, I'm willing to do a sick.

I'm not spiraling in front of

to do certain things, almost anything.

Is this not concerning to you?

It is a little bit.

I wonder.

I really don't.

I write text to you that I don't send.

Thank you.

Because I'm like, because they're two in line with each other, and I don't want to come across them like being too

overly concerned.

But like, there's not like a.

I've written eulogies.

I haven't had to deliver just yet.

Normally, I would probably be like, nah, he's fine, but today he does seem really fucking

sweaty.

I wish I was on drugs.

I wish I was.

I wish it was some explanation.

You got a harried look about your eyes.

Your fucking veins are on your forehead or really just like popping out.

The thing I noticed since losing weight is I am so veiny now.

I look like a fucking Rick Baker creation.

It's fucking disgusting.

It's like my legs are like, it's, dude, it's nuts.

Like, like Arnold and Terminator, where you're like, oh, look at all these veins.

What?

That, but no muscles.

No veins and bones.

You just gotta hope that, you know, that the future Mrs.

Johnson's into veins, right?

It sounds like she is.

She better be.

I think she'll be into anything, no matter what it is.

My dating profile vanguard thing.

Varicose spider or otherwise.

Yeah.

Look, I got a nice blown-out one right by my ankle.

Purple and shit.

Oh, I love the way it fucking fades from fucking bright pink to fucking dark purple.

I'm not even sure that's not blood poisoning, so let's keep an eye on it.

I'm so hot right now.

You want to go to bed?

Put the blankets on me.

Take them off.

It's my veins.

My veins are.

Oh my God.

I'm in so much pain.

They're collapsing.

It's officially the holidays.

People are already shopping for gifts.

Is it officially the holidays?

When do the holidays start?

I thought it was after Thanksgiving.

Anyway, are people already shopping for gifts?

I know I am.

But before you freak out about what to get your boyfriend, who you've only been dating for four months...

See, if I'm a copywriter, I write a little differently here.

Who you've only been dating for five months.

Four, four months, four, four.

It just doesn't flow, in my opinion.

Or what to get your mailman.

Is that a thing?

Probably a tip.

If you got your mailman this product, they'd probably be a little weirded up.

Maybe Maybe not.

Who knows?

I don't know what the fuck your relationship is with your mailman.

Or the fact that you have to go to the...

No, it says gasp.

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to gasp or just read gasp.

The mall.

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Now, I love Miundi's.

Never made a secret of that.

I say it loud.

I say it proud.

This year, I am, this may be a spoiler.

Well, probably not, because I don't think any of them will actually listen to the podcast.

Eric, Darren, and Edgar, I'm getting them all Miundis for a year because they have this club, which maybe it says something about it in here.

I'm not sure, but fucking love them.

These Miundis, their fabric is three times softer than cotton, offered in sizes extra small to 4x.

You're real little, you're real big.

It's whatever.

They don't care.

Nobody cares.

All you care about is the soft ass underpants.

Miyandi's knows it's freaking cold out.

That's what they wrote here.

Which is why they're coming out with even more cuddly products.

The holiday season, cozy up in their new robes for men and women, treat your

feet.

They have new slippers.

Sorry.

Throwing up in my mouth.

And of course, match the whole fam with their soft new baby bodysuit.

I'm not so sure about that line.

Fam, isn't that sort of like cultural appropriating?

White boy, cracker ass, Brian Johnson's talking about fam.

Somebody introduces me into their fam.

I don't talk about my fam.

Okay, so with brand new holiday prints and cozy new products, Miyundi's has your gift for literally everyone.

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That's meundis.com slash T-E-S.

We got a special guest here.

Someone who I tried to exile almost from Telm Steve to at least strip him of his title.

Yeah.

Who stood up for him?

Walt Flanagan.

Only one person.

You might have, but he was on his phone at the time.

So it has been many a year since

he's been on Telem Steve Dave or even mentioned possibly since we tried to strip him.

Right.

Yeah.

I'm like, all right, he can keep the title, but never mention his fucking name again.

And then I was talking to him, texting, and I said, yeah, we tried to strip your title.

And he's like, you're right.

I haven't been there in some time.

Like the whole

Pam's novel thing.

Is that the last time we saw you maybe here?

No.

That's right.

Some of the Christmas

That voice can only belong to one man.

The trial, man.

It was a while ago.

Frank Threw, the beast from Beauty and the Beast.

Or what was your character?

You were Sean Patrick?

No, you were...

No, you were Sean Patrick.

Joseph.

Joseph, and you were Wolf.

So what's been going on for all these years?

Well, we've seen him.

I haven't really seen him.

Well, you don't leave your house.

Unless you're in your living room now, you're not going to see him.

Yeah, I miss you when I've been coming here for the story.

Usually stopping at to work.

You're gone already, of course.

Quite the attendant.

He's like three o'clock later.

What are we talking about?

Maybe.

You didn't show up at fucking three o'clock.

The last time you showed up, you didn't show up at like five to six.

Yeah.

No, you know, I'm around, just working, traveling.

Yeah, what are you doing for

not getting too specific?

What do you do for a living now?

Same stuff I've been doing, just IT numbers.

Yeah.

Crunching numbers.

Software stuff.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Boring.

Bean counter.

Yeah, boring for the man.

Of course.

Suckling corporate cock.

Don't worry, we've been doing some of it ourselves.

Oh, we do it every time.

It's the knee pads, bro.

So, I thought about this before.

I was sitting like there at the first ever

tell him, Steve Dave, I believe, I think I was unemployed at the time.

I had nothing to do, so just come down here and hang out.

Oh, I didn't think I've been doing it for 10 years, exactly.

Yeah, and I remember you guys that joint, counter-joint, possibly the name.

Wow, that was ours.

I remember that I was sitting here.

Wow.

So you were there, you know, and it's wow, it's good to have you back.

And look at this empire that you've built.

We went somewhere yesterday, Walt and I, with some other people.

We noticed some,

tailgating, people tailgating.

And I was remarking on like this camaraderie, this community

that I personally do not feel.

I know Walt doesn't feel.

I know you felt with a fireman and Frank Three feels with like fish concerts and that sort of thing, right?

Like, that's a whole

other thing.

You go to a lot of them, right?

Yeah, it's like a weird, like, people think it's a cult.

Yeah.

My buddy Finolia goes to like so many of the shows.

Yeah.

It just becomes like, I mean, it's so much more than that.

It's just like, when you start like traveling and things like that, too, I mean, it's really easy to boil it down to, yeah, you're going to see this band over and over and over again, but you're doing other stuff.

You know, you're going to other states, going to other countries.

You've been to other countries to see them?

Oh, yeah, totally.

How do you get off work?

Well, they play on weekends and stuff.

So, you got to like punch out at five on Friday and then you're fucking on a plane to another country and back by Monday morning?

After asking the man for permission.

Well, you got, I mean, you guys see that, like, the event stuff, right?

Like,

you do the cruise and stuff like that, too.

So, they do, they, so now the big thing is, like, you know, they do a destination concert.

So, they do, like, set up a stage and whole concert production like on the beach at an all-inclusive resort.

So, you know, so you're down there with all your friends, and you know, it's all-inclusive.

Everybody's just partying all day.

Dominican Republic?

Cancun.

Cancun.

Where's the farthest you've gone to see him?

Um, that's probably Pride, Mexico.

Uh,

would you, do you have it in, what, do you have it in you to go to one concert in a row, let alone two of the same band?

George Thurogood.

George Thorgood, right.

But the fish experience is different, right?

I mean, it's, it's like a whole

outdoor carnival, people camping camping and

yeah.

Well, people like, you know, people set up, like, it's like a traveling marketplace.

People like set up, you know, like food stands and sell patchouli oil and those friendship bracelets and shit.

How important is the marijuana to this whole experience?

Everything.

Wait, are you talking about life in general?

Not you, but I'm saying the people who go, they're like, how important is like if I would have lost myself?

I really,

I don't know.

I mean, I wouldn't say that it's super dependent.

I mean, like,

you know, the band,

the band's pretty much, you know, the lead singer is sober.

Sober, meaning he doesn't even do that.

No, he's sober.

I mean, you talk about it, like, you know, if you want, like, just out now, right?

There's a documentary called Between Me and My Mind, and it's about, you know, it's about the lead singer and his process and stuff like that.

And he talks about it, you know, and like they ask him one of those questions.

I love it.

They asked him, they were like, you know, how do you feel now you're sober?

And you have all these people out in the audience that are, you know, on drugs or messed up and like this.

And he's like, it's none of my fucking business.

And I'm like, I like that answer.

It is.

It's none of his business.

Until your business is my business, I don't, you know, do what you want.

But doesn't he smell all that?

I'm sure he does.

Of course he does.

So doesn't that also, like, when I know when I smell it, because I'm not a cement head, fuckers get fired.

So, like, when like Kev comes around and I smell it, I feel weird.

So he has to be getting a contact high right now.

I have no idea.

Do you really feel a contact high for real?

Oh, yeah.

Like, I feel like, yeah, since I don't know what you're saying.

Are you in a room where he's like, where Kev is small?

Like, he's talking.

Oh, yeah, and it's like in your vision.

It's like we're doing bookmen, and he was like smoking, and you would go downstairs and talk to him.

Like, I would feel funny.

Yeah, if you're in the room.

Oh, downstairs, yeah.

Yeah, if you're in the room where it's hazy and stuff like that, too, and you don't, I would say, yeah.

So, isn't that fucking, isn't that concert hall fucking hazy?

I mean, you know, I don't know.

I don't think that dude's sober.

It looks like the mist.

I don't think he's sober at all.

Secondary, unsober.

I don't know how aggressive they are about that stuff, but I mean,

you know,

he is sober.

It's interesting, people people who are sober, and it's such a like one little thing, and they'll just go, we'll go right back to it.

Yeah.

I mean, you know, like I said, the doctor was out,

it was cool.

He was very, very like upfront about it and talked about it.

You know what I mean?

He talks about, he's a big proponent of like drug courts and stuff because, you know, he got a second chance in like upstate New York.

You know, they, you know,

he calls the, I think he calls the cop that pulled him over like on like every year on his anniversary and he thanks him again too.

Because

like he said, and his wife says in the movie, she's like,

That seems a bit unnecessary.

We thought you were gonna die, you know.

That's what she says.

Just let it go, stop harassing this poor cop.

Well, it's a famous dude, so it's okay then.

The famous dude that he arrested.

I don't know.

Yeah, but I mean, it's a lot different than just some Joe Schmo fucking calling him every

lead singer of a fucking rock band calls you.

It's like, it's it's like it's like it's kind of like it's a cool thing to tell the other cops, I guess.

The guy who's gone to 57 concerts in as many days and is not the lead singer, like Frank Free.

I'm not calling him.

I'm running from him.

What kind of music did these guys play?

It's like Grateful Dead shit.

It sucks.

Right?

Is it rock and roll or is it what it is?

They're like chameleons.

They can play a lot of different styles.

I mean, the music's, you know, it's like improvisation.

People call it jam.

Or like Almond Brothers type stuff, or they'll just go for like a half hour, like rock and act.

And that's where all the stuff comes into the weed and all that.

Yeah.

That's where it all comes into play.

It's definitely more enjoyable.

When I went to rehab, rehab, there was a guy, like a counselor, trying to say that weed didn't make concerts more enjoyable.

I said, How can you say that?

Maybe these people shouldn't be smoking it.

And by these people, I mean me.

But if you're going to sit there and tell me that it's not possible for it to make it more enjoyable, I don't.

We're not on the same.

Can't trust you, bro.

Can't trust me.

But is that just saying that everything is then more enjoyable?

Yeah, pretty much.

Pretty much.

But that's just coming from Seven.

that's coming from anyone who's done it.

I've done it.

I've done it.

You did shit weed in fucking 1981, and you're like, I'm going to see, like you're fucking Escobar over there.

And I was like, this is fucking awful.

Right, because it's fucking old shit weed.

Like, if you have this stuff today, medicinal stuff, like, it's so different.

And trust me, everyone around you is a cement head in one way or another.

Right?

Pretty much.

No, not true.

No?

Well, I'm not talking about, again, not when you're in your living room.

Well, Mike doesn't do anything.

Mike doesn't.

Mike is fucking pure fucking, what's that called?

Straight edge, hard edge, like me.

Straight edge?

Okay.

Well,

so no pussy.

That's hard to straight edge.

So I guess I believe it.

Is that really part of it?

Oh, yeah.

Like the hardcore straight edge would be like no sex, no drugs.

Why is sex a part of that?

Because it's.

You can't get fucking, you can't get happening at all.

What gets you higher than blowing a load?

Right.

I haven't discovered the drug yet.

Right.

So they don't want them getting high on load blowing.

But that's fucking a natural high, though.

Hey.

But so is we.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We gotcha.

How is it natural?

Hit this.

Hit this bong.

It is absolutely natural.

It's no less natural than a fucking banana that's not.

Because you're putting it into a fucking, you're making it, you're putting it into something.

It's not.

As soon as you have to alter it to use it, it's not natural anymore.

Well, you can eat that.

That's not true either.

So if I take water and then

put tea in it, it's still natural.

It's been altered.

It's been altered, though, with chemicals from the tea, though, whatever's in the tea bag.

Well, you couldn't drink water from a stream without getting sick.

I have.

There's a natural springs up behind our up at Hudson Springs.

Right, I think you're talking about like standing water.

Like if you go to the duck pond,

of course not.

Yeah, of course you couldn't.

Yeah, but there's water you could drink

straight from a spring.

Sure, but I think the freshest water you ever fucking tasted.

It was really good.

It was fucking make you go like, holy shit, I've just fucking

opened some new buttons.

It's a new spring, that particular spring that you're talking about.

Which isn't there anywhere, I'll tell you.

Right.

So then let's, so, so, everybody else in the world.

A close second was the police station.

Like, a close second was that water found at the police station.

It was unbelievable.

The point is that the water founded.

Right.

With fluoride and this and that.

But

sex, though, that's really, you don't need any kind of alterations for that.

That's pure natural.

I agree with you there.

Sure.

So it really shouldn't be like those hard-edged, straight-edged dudes should really come off that at least.

I suppose, but isn't it?

But tobacco.

I guess they add tons of shit into tobacco, so that wouldn't be an alcohol you have to ferment and change it.

Yeah.

Pussy right out of the tap.

It's fucking natural as hell.

Makes everything better.

Yeah.

It really does.

I agree.

It literally makes it worse in the following days.

So how'd you get hooked up with this band, though?

Who turned you onto them?

It wasn't the last time we got high on pussy.

No, I saw in college.

Oh, so it's been that long huh life almost a lifelong man two i guess do you know any of the members um just met them pass every one every once in a while would they recognize you or know you if they saw you no wow all that fucking effort that you put in they're right i was able to get out of their dressing room quickly enough i mean there's no effort it's just like you know you're going to another fucking country well we yeah but it's an effort to get here

another country with like with like at least with a couple hundred of my friends from all over the country a couple hundred of your friends sure you have hundreds of friends

I have lots of friends, yeah.

Hundreds.

This is the same startled, like,

incredulity that when you were like, yeah, I went to college.

Remember that?

He was blown away.

And you're like, yeah, I know it was the valedictorian.

I had to pick him up off the floor.

I had to pick them up off the floor.

You have friends?

But

who can really say in real life they have hundreds of friends?

I do.

I do.

Hundreds.

People that you meet up with at these things.

It's not like you all go together.

You're saying that there's like a network and you guys all meet yeah we meet up too but then i mean like you know yeah from this from them following around the country you know i have friends that live all over the country from anywhere from you know the you know the south just pretty much about every major city i just got back from denver and i was with a bunch of my friends out there so it's a community of people that will like rendezvous correct okay you know so like one of the big time like the big ones is every year for the last i don't know 10 years about uh they play at the they play Labor Day weekend in Denver and everybody you know comes there too.

I mean that's gone from you know they started when

nothing was legal.

You know, they're still playing there through legalization and now and continuously.

So that's like it can become like a party at the end of the summer.

How are you emotionally equipped to be friends with hundreds of people though?

Because I can't be friends with the fucking six I have, it feels like.

I'm like, I can't do this anymore.

Can you imagine how difficult it would be if there were hundreds more of me?

How are you equipped emotionally to have hundreds of friends?

That blows my mind.

He's on weed all the time.

That's how he does it.

I do.

I like having lots of people.

But that's hard to fucking manage, isn't it, though, to give each one of those friends the proper like attention and cultivate that friendship with hundreds of them?

Yeah, try.

Can you be a good friend to hundreds of?

I don't think you're going to be able to do that.

He's like a good friend.

You know what I mean?

But it's like, yeah, I mean, I mean, I know their, you know, I know their kids that come to visit them and things like that.

It's like, that's impressive.

Well, he's like, he's.

You're talking hardcore introvert versus hardcore extrovert, right?

Oh, yeah.

I mean, yeah.

He's like Ming.

Oh, Oh, yeah.

Can't keep them away from a social story.

They're like a social style.

N-T-P, whatever the hell that means.

I forget the stupid exercise thing.

But definitely E versus I, right?

I don't know who you're talking about.

That's that, like, people, like, they'll put it on there, like, it's like a classification.

The first letter is always I versus E, introvert versus extrovert.

You're an E?

I am an E.

You're definitely an I.

Is E at the fucking, like, is E prevalent

to do this whole thing?

Like, you got to have E to do this?

Pretty much.

I don't mean that's.

I mean, everybody's got to be an E to do this.

I mean, I guess you could just go there and just, like, be by yourself.

Do you see a lot of, do you see any eyes there?

I mean, it's, I don't know.

You can spot them.

The one staring at the ground.

Yeah.

You go over to them and be like, hey, man, I need 101st friend.

Oh, you don't go over and help me out the eyes?

Why?

What?

Now, let's say, because you say it's pretty much like an open-air drug bazaar, right?

So, So a lot of people...

Did he say that?

A lot of people.

He may as well have.

A lot of people are dressed in a certain way.

Now, if you see Walt in this outfit walking towards you.

What?

A fucking Patriots sweatshirt and fucking track pants.

And backwards hat.

Do you think...

Well, which he's wearing right now.

Right, right, right.

But do you think, like, would you look at Walt and think Nark?

No.

He's by himself, too.

It's not like he's got any friends, let alone 100.

You got your 100 friends over here.

He's like, hey, what's up?

Walks up holding two skateboards.

Rock band.

Is it the old guy that tries to go undercover at the high school?

Hey, bros.

Are there any narcs even trying to fucking bust people?

There are narcs at this concert?

Of course.

Why wouldn't there be?

Well, how the fuck are they just not arresting the whole fucking leader?

Why would people be stupid enough to sell drugs to strangers outside?

I mean, like, you know,

have fun doing that.

I mean, duh.

Like, undercover cops are like secret shoppers.

There's certain, I mean, the funny thing is, is so the band plays a lot of venues that are the same, and everybody kind of gets the, everybody kind of gets the gist on it.

Like, some of these places, like, seriously, they're, you know, I've had friends get into trouble.

There's a place in Wisconsin called the Alpine Valley Music Center, and it's literally like the county.

When the band comes to town, the county ramps up with all these guys, and they're nice about it.

Like, they arrested my friend, you know, he had a, he had like a pipe on him, and they're like, don't worry, we're just going to take you over here and take your picture, and you'll be back with your friends in 15 minutes.

And it's like, literally, it's just, you know, they're just, they're cashing checks.

It's just money.

It's just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.

You're not going to jail.

They're just, but it's still illegal and they're taking advantage of it.

But if you guys know that, not you guys, but if your friends know this, why are they not a little bit more careful with their?

I have no, I mean, at that point, I have no idea.

Because there's some menheads, Walt.

Yeah, they don't know to be careful.

They think they are.

I mean, the word goes out pretty much.

It's just like, you know, don't, they're everywhere in the parking lot.

Don't, you know, don't be stupid.

How many times have you seen these this band play?

If you had to guess, a couple hundred.

Wow.

One for each friend.

That's That is a fucking, that's a lifestyle.

There's people that have seen him more.

There's people that have seen him more than that.

Q, could you imagine?

I mean, I mean, because you manifest destiny with the people you like.

You somehow, you like something, and then all of a sudden you're friends with them.

Yeah, it does happen.

And you don't even know how that works, right?

That's how I'm here.

Yeah, it's just like, you know,

how come Frank isn't able to pull that off?

Well, he's super likable.

For one.

I mean, you know,

he is an

Right, but he could come off as bothersome to an eye, right?

He somehow became friends with you guys.

I like you a lot.

You want them to throw him off?

We have a, well, I just wanted to strip him of his title.

I think he didn't deserve it.

And there was another Frank who was, you know, being put in more.

Frank Noble.

Oh, this dude was hardcore.

He wants to be the top Frank.

I'll give it up.

You're not talking about Frank Five.

Yeah, Frank Five is a top five now.

Yeah.

Frank Five is actually Frank 1.

Frank Five is actually Frank One.

Yes, Frank Five

in Frankie.

Wasn't this number one guy, though?

Yes.

So what?

No.

Frank 5 has nothing to do with Tilda.

No, I know the original Frank 5.

No, we know him.

I don't think we've heard every story.

I don't think I've ever met any of the other Franks.

I've never met another Frank.

Could I get your number after this?

And I would like to set up

on a recording, like a meeting of all the Franks that are still with us that we can get in contact with.

You five and the one from Collingswood.

Don't bring any of those Collingswoods in here.

Is Frank Four again?

Frank Four was, I never met him.

He was the guy who was all into incest.

Yeah, he was the one from Staten Island who was judging everybody.

And then he's like, hey, let me go get my cousin wife.

Right.

I always love on like your Wikipedias and stuff like that.

It's like Frank Three is some dude they know and make fun of.

I'm like, oh, it's good I'm not even there and they're out there talking about your sound.

I'm like, that's awesome.

Now, have you ever been at one of of these concerts with your friends and been rousted for your beatnik activities?

You know,

beatnik.

Did they rough you up with your jazz cabbage?

Yeah, man.

I'm trying to think.

No, actually, no.

No?

No, I haven't.

Never once caught any shit.

I've had a couple of friends that have gotten thrown out

a couple times.

And even sometimes, like, I remember one time it was just for a cigarette.

A cigarette?

More for a cigarette, not for the other stuff.

Huh.

Now, is it very liberated, like some of these other concerts I see where girls are walking around topless, like a wood stock, maybe?

What other concerts do you see this at?

Sometimes, you know, you see some of these concerts where

prime where the festival is.

I want to go to these concerts.

Tell me where.

I'm going to take it off.

Sunday Jeff, take a shirt off for you and fucking kiss you.

Summertime.

We should get it.

Summertime.

You ever saw a big floppy pair?

Yeah.

Beautiful fellowship.

Probably lacking it.

They were shot off him.

Yeah.

Little body shove.

Sunday Jeff's.

Licking his chest, putting salt all over it.

Although now, you know, though those tits are gone now, he's fucking smelted down.

Is he?

He's fucking lost.

What do you lose?

100 pounds?

No, I don't think it was that much.

I think it was like 40, something like that.

40 pounds.

40, 50.

It's a lot.

And he's fucking putting muscle on now, too.

He's working out.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

He wants to be Arnold Stand in for the next terminator.

He's like, I'm juicing.

Also,

you've lost

been a loser of a lot of weight, too, right?

Yeah, I did lose a lot of, I did lose a bunch.

Takes a lot of weight.

You didn't have to include a lot of weight.

It does.

it does it takes a it's it's just you know it is what it is is it harder if you smoke weed like wouldn't you want to be eating i mean you know you just it's i find it it's definitely a little more tricky a little tricky but eyes in the prize and you know what you can snack on what you can't you know every time i leave the house people says to me they says hey ain't you chris ricobono and i says yeah so what of it how you want to smack in the chops get out of my face and they say no no no you invented untuck it and i was like yeah i did what and they're like i love it i love it Chris Ricobono so you know I thought I might borrow the airway from these tele Steve Dave guys for a few minutes and tell you about untuck it the holidays are almost here and you know what that means gifts and what better gift to give the guy in your life than a stylish shirt that fits just right untuck it shirts they're always gonna fall at that just right length no matter what his size so he looks casual and sharp all right have you ever seen one one of these untucked button downs they look bad why because they ain't meant to be worn that way thankfully i chris ricobono i came along and i was like yo we all look like slobs here so how about we cut a little bit off the bottom huh we save some money designed to be worn untucked all right you're gonna look good i'm gonna look good i seen the guys from the hotel steve day wearing them they look beautiful beautiful all right with more than 50 plus fit combinations i don't care what you look like tall short slim fat whatever you're gonna look good because you got an untuck it on it fits your frame it's soft It's nice.

Nice.

All right, that's what I'm saying here.

They're never gonna look baggy, bulgy, too long, or too big.

Those days are behind you, my friend.

Thanks to Untuck It, you owe me.

You owe me, Chris Ricobono.

I'm the one who invented it.

Bow, supreme leader over here, okay?

The untuck it website.

It's easy to use, alright?

It's even a simpleton, you know, the soft-headed types.

They can work it, you know?

They got a whole page.

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Sorry about that.

So the microphone's also pointed straight down.

Does that matter or no?

It sounds okay.

I think that's omnidirectional.

Like I can hear it fine.

It sounds good.

I'm just questioning your work.

That's all.

Yeah, I know.

As well well, you should.

As well, you both should.

I know.

Like, he's both fucking questioning.

No, he must be this.

Jesus Christ, the former hashtag hashtag reproach.

The former sound guy's reproach.

What's the wildest thing you ever saw at a fish concert?

Probably like me not getting past it.

Like naked dude.

Let's see.

No, naked girl stories.

Naked dude on stage.

That was funny.

The naked dude on stage.

Yeah, he got on stage and like ran across the stage.

Do you find nude men funny?

Because I tried not.

Well, he tried to hug Lee Singer's favorite.

I was like, ah, he.

I went to this burlesque show in London.

It started at one in the morning, right?

We went, and this guy on stage came out.

He was dressed like a doctor.

He had a hot girl dressed as a nurse, and there was a patient on the stage.

And long story short, the patient needed a new heart.

So the guy reached into his own ass, where before the show, he had put a sponge in the shape of a heart.

up his ass.

He fisted his own ass, pulled it out, put it in the chest of the guy, and the guy came to life life and started making out with the nurse.

This is another way of doing it.

This was a what show?

A burlesque show in London,

not even a month ago.

And you went to this?

Oh, I didn't know it was going to be.

I got tickets to the hottest thing.

I'll tell you what, though.

I was on my way out the door when it started.

Right, and you went sat back down.

I was like, I have to see what follows this fucking act.

He reached.

into his own ass to the wrist and pulled out a heart-shaped sponge.

Would the crowd go wild?

Crazy, berserk.

Everybody was drunk and high.

It was nuts.

I still think I'd be like, oh.

Yeah, no, everybody was like that, but it was so shocking and so funny.

And then later on, there was a mermaid who was caught up in ocean trash.

And a guy put out a fishing line and hooked a fish that was sticking out of her vagina and pulled it out.

No, is there some sort of message there, too?

My dad.

I mean, they hammer you over the head with it.

Oh, they were 100% nude.

100% nude.

It's England.

They're nude on on TV.

When I say he reached in his ass, I mean he bent over with his ass to the audience, put his fist up his own ass, pulled the heart out.

No,

you were very on the money about a diagnosis yesterday with Gidem.

With a guy who's like, here's my act.

What's up with that guy?

What happened to him?

Oh,

he's so starved for attention.

He's like, okay, the only way I can fucking make it in show business is I got to fist myself and pull a heart out.

Right before Commerce, when Ming was like,

cutting out the shape of a heart in his hand.

I think that's a guy who's like, I could still legally say it's not porn because I'm on stage.

It's performance arts.

Burlesque.

And so this is his way of fucking just like.

It's gray.

He's skirting the rules.

There's a man who wants to be famous and perform so badly that he's willing to resort to that.

And it's like, okay, where are you going to go next with the act?

Because there's only a certain number of drunken high people who are going to win.

Oh, no, it's been a long time.

It's a long running

show.

Oh, yeah.

I bet you that fucking has a long line of people to get into watching.

Oh, yes.

It just backs up.

I don't know.

I don't understand art.

I don't understand why people like things that they like.

I don't understand why I like the things I like.

But that kind of shit, I'm like...

He just described it.

If he's like, hey, I have two free tickets, awesome scenes.

I'd be like, that's all right.

I don't want to see that.

That's more wild than the fish fucking story.

Yeah,

hundreds of guys.

The guy's in a show for fucking less than five minutes.

The dude has his own hand up his ass.

It was crazy.

You went hundreds of times, and that's the wildest thing.

Over 20 years, he's like, one time I saw a naked guy try to hug a guitarist.

Yeah.

I mean, you've seen passed out people and, you know,

what else?

It's like, whatever.

So what keeps drawing you back, though?

Because they're all playing the same set list, I imagine.

No, no, not at all.

Never.

They play different songs every time.

They play different songs.

They played 13 nights in a row in Madison Square Garden and never repeated a song.

That means they didn't play the songs that I would like.

They have that bigger catalogue?

Yeah.

That was like 234 different songs.

So

they have the mojo to sell out Madison Garden for how many nights in a row?

That one was over the same time.

Next to Billy Joel,

they have the record for most sold-out nights in Madison Square Garden.

Well, didn't they inherit the Grateful Dead audience, kind of?

To a degree, yeah.

I mean, because they were kind of on the rise,

and then he died in 95, and then people came off.

And I don't know as much as, I mean, I like both bands, but they're different.

I mean, the scene's the same.

You're right.

Shared community, parking lot stuff.

I think a lot of the, you know, more people that are, there's some people that aren't there for the music.

I mean, the one thing about me is like, it's always music first.

I mean, I like, I like the fact that they play different songs every night, and they're good musicians.

I mean, somebody, it's not everybody's cup of tea.

That's fine.

How have they garnered this kind of following with no radio play, though?

That's the whole thing about it.

That's just.

Did they have radio play in the 90s or no?

Maybe like one or two songs.

They were on like the Beavis and Butthead, one of their videos, like like back in the day but not much at all that's the thing about it it's just it's all word of mouth kind of band and it's all you know they're just recently like they just started this like they have their own radio station on on serious and they talk about stuff like this like in between the little inter you know in between the songs you know it's just like people get used to you know it's a sense of community like because everybody didn't hear them on the radio you know you had to go see them in you know in a place and if you saw them early like me you saw them in a little tiny place and now i'm seeing them in madison square garden and it's you know it's like it's great.

How many nights did you go to the Madison Square Garden?

How many other things?

The 13 one, that run, I went to all of them.

Holy fuck.

Me and my buddy Mike did too.

They were spaced out, but I mean, like, it was, but yeah, I went to all of them.

It was in the summertime.

It was the summer of 2007.

You must have to put a lot of money aside for this passion.

I work another job to pay for

traveling and music.

Your fish commitment.

Yeah, a lot of money going to fish.

There's no doubt about it.

I mean,

it's a passion.

But again, like, you know, I don't have kids.

No, no,

just so you know, but like, there's no, if a defensive.

Yeah, no, no, no, no.

You got to, this has got to, whoever's doing this.

Oh, it's expensive.

And I mean, think about it, I've been seeing them for 20 years.

So, like, I have tickets from 1992, 1992.

I could have bought a fucking ticket price is like $7.50.

And now it's, you know, to go see them on New Year's Eve, it's like $125.

When's the next time you're going to go see them?

Later tonight.

The Friday, the weekend after Thanksgiving.

Where at?

Providence.

Do you wish that you could be into something as much as he's into this band?

I think I'm into a lot of things as much as hardcore as he is.

Think about somebody who's a season ticket holder that goes to every single game, right?

The same thing.

That's what I tell people.

I don't want to justify it, but I'm like, some people have church, some people have craft shows.

I mean, like, it's just like I went to 13 concerts in a row, and you're going to clean her as hardcore as he is.

Yeah.

What's the last time you went to one game?

Yeah, I go to one game a year if I can get a free ticket.

Somebody said something about, was it going to the Patriots training camp or something?

Somebody had the, like, threw it out there that you should go to the Patriots training camp next summer.

And it's like five hours away.

And I was like, I'll take the ride.

He's like, nah.

I'm more hardcore than he is, though.

I don't drive that far.

I mean, what's the point?

Patreon, shit, something, anything.

You don't have access to the players.

And what would be the point then?

So you just go there just to fucking stand a fucking mile away.

You never know.

Hey, we bring training camps.

Training camps a little bit more.

Yeah, a little bit more up close.

I remember I used to go to Giants training camp when I was a kid.

You get autographs and stuff.

The players would be a little bit more

accessible sometimes.

I mean, probably not like Tom Brady, but you know,

the only one that matters.

Wow.

So, what else, Frank 3?

What are your future plans aside from concerts?

I don't know.

Do you think about it?

I don't really think about the future.

I don't think about the future either.

It's just like, you know, whatever.

You see things.

How do you fuck?

How does a dude who's just fucking proposed marriage not think of the future, though?

It's scary.

The future It's scary.

Yeah, of course.

Of course it is.

You think it's scary for you.

Fly-by to see to your pants.

Fly-by to see to your pants is charming when you're 20.

It's fucking nice.

It's got a 25-year-old fiancé.

It's charming when you're 51.

You just have to find the right person.

Right.

This is generally considered a huge red flag, but every once in a while,

somebody's colorblind.

Cute, right?

I mean, fly-by-tea to your pants at this age is

it's risky, right?

It's a tightrope.

I I don't know if there's much risk because what's the worst that happens?

I rely on my super rich friend for the rest of my life.

And he knows I'm never going to want to sleep on the fucking street.

Maybe the garage, but not the street.

Yeah, but I mean,

things can happen.

Sure, I wouldn't.

I got paralyzed.

What do you mean?

You said things can happen.

What do you mean?

Anything can happen, you know, and then you know.

Like, people stop 11 and tell them Steve Dave, as if.

Well, that could happen.

We're the fish of podcasts.

Everybody, shut up.

Remember a couple weeks ago, Q, you said that, like, you made, you said aloud, people like us again?

Yeah.

It's over.

It's over.

The Halloween show, people didn't like it.

They didn't like it?

They didn't like it.

There was no video.

Why?

Probably because

they were upset.

The past ones were video and they were great.

And then Svenguli gets all precious and doesn't want to do video.

You know, of course, people are going to react.

We really, I guess we didn't play any games or whatever.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Like they weren't that jazzed with our guest either.

There was just a lot of complaints about the Halloween show.

It wasn't a spectacular.

We never said it was.

In all fairness, we did.

We called it a Halloween host.

That was a big error on our parts.

But I thought it was.

I thought when you get the fucking hottest horror host in the world, he's fucking more hotter than fucking Alvira right now in terms of popularity, not hotter.

He's like getting the hottest bagger at the grocery store.

Like, who the fuck cares?

He's got a weekly TV show.

I i agree avira doesn't excited he's appearing in dc comics in a major crossover avira's not right he is fucking he trends every saturday night on twitter avira's not i think people are like we don't give a fuck about either of them not elvira's better than him but

that's that's closed-minded that's wrong open your minds listen to walt flanagan about being closed-minded all right the guy's got

let us introduce you to fucking cool shit.

Instead of fucking.

You're getting the opportunity to look into it if you don't know who he is.

Right.

Put down that joint and let's

talk about some really cool shit.

You're about it on Twitter.

I don't know.

But I'm like, you know, that doesn't make us want to fucking make a fucking more bigger, better, fucking spooktacular next year.

No, if anything, it's going to make us dig our heels in.

Yeah, exactly.

You think that one sucks?

We don't get a load of this.

You guys know how this works by now.

I thought it was some fucking.

Nobody liked it?

Yes.

No, I don't want to paint a picture like that.

I saw many people into this.

There was people who liked it, but there was people who didn't, which I thought it would be universally loved.

Nothing.

It would never be universally loved.

I don't know.

It's tough to fucking.

Wasn't I the unrealistic optimist at times on that show?

Like, you're usually the reserved.

But when you bring in fucking somebody of that magnitude, and you have people fucking not even listening before, they're just like, I'm not even listening to this.

I don't care.

It's fucking, my Halloween's ruined.

Fuck off.

Really?

They said the Halloween was ruined?

I don't like the sound of that.

No.

If that's what fucking makes or breaks your Halloween, yeah, you got pretty big problems.

Bigger aside from us fucking half-assed, not put not much effort into it.

That is not, you fucking lay.

I landed on it.

I was into it.

I was super excited.

I liked it a lot.

I thought it was great.

And I agree with you.

It's like for you to get Sven Gooley, which you've been trying to do for a while.

For years.

And then I get them.

And it's not good.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Let me refund your money.

Oh, wait a minute.

I don't have to refund your money because it was fucking free.

Yeah, that's right, termite.

Go find some fucking free Halloween cheese somewhere else if you don't fucking like it.

Does fish talk to their audience like this?

Let's discuss why they're selling out Madison Scrape Rotten

to 13 nights in a row.

They're very, very appreciative of their audience, I think.

But they're also, I mean, the audience is crazy, though.

Same thing.

I mean, like, look, you know, the internet, forget it.

It's, you know, it's, let's see.

Do they bat?

Does the fan base bash fish?

Oh, God.

Constantly.

Constantly.

The term.

Is he sober now?

Not, I mean, whatever.

The term

the lead singer said it in an interview.

I wish he was fucking still getting high.

He was better when he was getting high, right?

I mentioned there's got to be that fucking shit.

It's all.

I'm going to nickel for every time I heard that about myself.

You know, in some ways, it wasn't as good as the next

fucking.

Yeah, really.

Just smoke this.

We'd be retired two years ago.

I'm sorry.

No, that's okay.

What was the word he used for the fans?

Persnickety.

He said the fans can be very persnickety, which is like, you know,

it's like something a grandmother would say.

And you'd be not offended.

But it's like, but it is.

It's like, you know, it's critical and it's like nothing's ever good enough.

And like your grandmother would do, you know.

What would be an example?

What was something that they would be like, it wasn't good enough?

What?

Well, I mean, do they put out new albums?

Are they just fucking treading on their own?

Yeah, they put out new albums and then y'all put out a new album or be like, oh, this sucks.

It's dad rock, you know, or somebody will say something like that.

You know, it's like, does that piss piss you off?

I don't really care either way.

I mean, I take it, I listen to it.

Some stuff I like.

Do you like if you see someone talking like that and lying, waiting to get in, you don't fucking get in their face?

It's weird.

Shut the fuck up.

Yeah, you don't put them in a fucking near-naked chokehold.

It's weird.

That's what a real fan would do.

I mean, what's the real fan?

They'll fucking throw it out with that ass.

You think just because you go fucking

300 times a year?

I don't want to hate you.

You know what I mean?

Like, I love you guys so much, I'm going to hate on you on the internet all the time.

That's weird.

But that's not common.

Like Stern said the same thing.

He was like, the only people who pay more attention to me are the people who hate me.

My fans hate me.

Like, my hardcore fans hate me.

Because they're not all smod fans and TSD groupies.

But I was just going to call them Sunday 3.

But Frank 3, you said something profound there.

What did you say?

Before the last thing you just said, you made a really wise

commentary on the fans.

They love you so much, I'm going to hate you.

Yeah, I mean, it's like they love to hate on stuff.

I mean, that's.

Like how you want to bite an infant, you know, like they're so cute.

like you've heard people say that you've never heard people say that like oh I'm gonna eat you up and then it's like there's like this weird sort of thing like you want to bite bite is a little bit more is a little bit more violent I didn't remember the exact phrase so the fucking lady's like whoa get away from my baby

But you don't, you don't partake in that kind of fucking activity, right?

You don't run fuck after you see a concert.

You'd run to your fucking little laptop and be like, oh, fuck.

He's on his phone during the concert.

This was a little out of tune.

Not enough naked guys.

I mean, sometimes you hear stuff, you know, you hear stuff.

I mean, I'm listening to the music, and you're not like, you know, there's some people that are just like, whatever.

It's just, everybody has an opinion, man, all the time.

You know, it's just, you don't care, huh?

I mean, I have a good time.

I try and I have a good time with my friends or whatever, you know, it's like could be worse, you know what I mean?

It's it's not like you know

it's terrible.

Sounds like he's on remote control, huh?

He's on remote control.

This guy has a fucking great outlook.

It's fucking high.

It's high right now.

Remember how amenable I was?

It's not worth it.

Is that the

MO or the way you carry yourself as a fish guy?

Or have you always been this way?

No, I mean, you know, it's funny.

There's a sticker that this kid said, and people hand it out.

It says, I have no complaints, right?

And it's like, you know, I don't, I don't have any complaints.

Like, you know what I mean?

Like, I watched the lead singer go into the depths of drug addiction and still try and perform this music.

And it was terrible.

And it's the same thing, you know, as his wife says in the movie, like, we thought you were going to die.

I thought he was going to die.

Jerry Garcia died from, you know, he was trying to get clean, but he had years of drug use.

It's like, eh, you know, it's like, what are we going to do?

Is we're going to leave him in 1990, whenever it was like 2000 or, you know,

forever.

When they came back off,

you weren't ticked off.

Yeah, you got a little emotional there.

That's awesome.

I just, it's just weird.

Like I said, it's just, I guess that's just weird.

It's weird when people are so

fans that have been.

It's not going to be so awesome.

But again, you guys see it, right?

It's like, it's hard not to, you know, it's hard not to, oh, shit, what are they saying on Reddit?

You know, as soon as you guys drop an episode, what are they saying on Reddit?

Oh, I don't think about it at all.

I'm not even kidding.

Q advised me to stop going on the internet.

And not only do, like, for news shit, not only do I not go on for news, I don't watch anybody getting killed on video anymore.

I'm hardly ever on the internet unless I'm looking up shit like that.

Literally getting killed?

Or do you mean getting killed with fucking...

No, no, no.

Literally getting killed.

Who's fucking?

Why are you fucking seeking out those videos?

I'm not seeking them out.

They're right on the website.

Yeah, but why are you going to the website?

Why would you go to a website to watch videos of people getting killed?

Because sometimes.

Spaces of Death.

Yeah, it's like it can be funny.

Yeah, but Spaces of Death was cool when you fucking couldn't rent it because you weren't old enough in high school.

That was the only allure to it.

So

they're like Popeyes of the 80s.

Right.

Right.

That's on Tidbits.

Yeah, that was also an

if you don't get that reference.

Well, that's on you, termite.

Because there's like on this one site I go to, there's like Fight and Fridays where you can see people like like fights break out and shit.

You watch people fight.

There's just like car accidents, people going pinwheeling through the air.

I don't know if you just want to feel something, Wall.

Anything.

I think it's alarming, though, that anybody would gravitate toward those sites.

I'm not even fucking around.

I think that does say something about there's something

to be addressed.

No, it doesn't.

I'm super nice.

Super nice?

Yeah, I'm super nice.

I'm nice to people.

I'm really nice.

Is it alarming, though, that you're like, only log on and see what new fucking kill videos there there are?

No.

Well, he didn't catch a bunch of shit for going to fish all the time.

No.

I'm the asshole.

Yeah, of course.

There's probably something wrong with it, but well, surprise, surprise.

Yeah, but yeah, but I mean,

how hard would it be to stay off those sites?

I guess you are now, right?

Well, yeah, like I said, when I went to Key West, I was like, I'm just not going to look at shit, you know.

Like, I brought books and stuff instead of reading Wikipedia or whatever.

And in that week, it's like, I didn't go to those sites either.

So when I got back, I'm like, well, what's the point of going back?

Like I said, like, I don't need to see one more motorcycle crash.

I don't need to see one more person, like some hapless Chinese person having like building debris falling on them from the facade of some like you want like poorly made.

I know you're going to think I'm fucking lying,

but I subscribe to only one thing on the internet.

All Tom Brady News.

French Bulldog puppy videos.

Hey, you know what?

They're fucking incredibly

relaxing, and you just feel good.

You're just like, man, I want to own every French bulldog puppy on the planet.

But I can't, is another way in which I fail, right, Mary Beth?

Where are my real death videos?

Call of Steve Days.