#418: QISS

I'm out here selling drugs.

So

how's your tips be?

No, I can't do it.

I can't read.

Tell them, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em, Steve.

Dave, hello, boys.

Hello.

So much to discuss.

So much has gone on.

Yeah, well, you weren't here last week.

We had Jiggy.

How'd that go?

Thought it went pretty well.

Yeah.

Very well.

He's a great guy.

I like hanging out with him, yeah.

Yeah, Jiggy's good.

We hung out for a bit, talked some comedy, that kind of shit.

He's very serious with his theories on comedy and stuff.

It's interesting.

I do love stand-up comedy.

The one thing I can't take is how serious stand-up comedians take.

They look very pretentious.

Oh, it's too much for me.

But I love it.

Right.

So maybe that's why I love it because they take it so seriously.

Perhaps.

Yeah, if they didn't take it that seriously, it would probably suck.

Yeah.

So good.

Good for them.

And what do I know?

I just sell out arenas, but sure.

Hey, you should take their advice.

Yeah.

Maybe you could be where they all are.

Fuck do I know, Jiggy?

Trying to steal my show.

That's mostly what we talked about.

Your eye.

I love Jiggy.

He's constantly positive, constantly friendly.

Yeah.

Lovely guy.

Good dude.

There was a script reading of Clerks 3.

Yeah, I wish somebody had told me about that.

Yeah.

I wasn't aware of it until sort of the last minute.

I texted Walt, and he hadn't been given any information either.

So we decided to drop down there and say hello.

Some of us stayed a little bit longer than others out of

being muscled.

One of us got muscled.

You got muscled to read.

Well, not really.

Who read?

It was.

Was anybody playing their original characters?

Dante.

Yeah, just Dante, right?

He would have been the only one.

Yeah.

Dante played Dante.

Kevin read Randall and the narrator, and

who was somebody else?

Dante's girlfriend read

and Marilyn.

I guess Marilyn.

I don't know if Marilyn was, was Marilyn her character in

Ernie was there, Ernie Red.

Yeah, and then the next day was pretty much everyone's the same except for Kim Locker and she was there.

But my plan was to go down and see Kev, hang out for a minute.

Me and Mary Beth were there.

We're going to then leave and go home and watch TV and hang out and blah, blah, blah.

But I guess.

Talk some blue chew.

Perhaps.

Perhaps.

Why not?

So

my plan, I saw Walt down there and my plan fell apart very quickly.

Ernie's like, hey, can you read?

Because I guess they hadn't lined people up to read prior to that.

So I was like, sure.

I would have loved to come down and read.

I would have.

Yeah.

It would have been great.

Yeah, Walt said no.

For me.

For you.

I don't know if you would have liked it.

Why not?

Why not?

The accent.

It's not very true.

I might have turned against you.

Dante.

But anyway.

Yeah.

What do you play?

Okay, you say you play Jay, but

like Snooch to the Nooch.

Yeah, Snooch to the Nooch, styling Bob.

I'm out here selling drugs.

Oh, shit like that.

Yeah.

How's your tits, Biggie?

Hey, bitch, show me your tits.

Oh, but Jay doesn't say stuff like that anymore.

Not anymore.

Yeah.

It's 2019.

Yeah.

Jay's now talking about sucking guys' penises and shit, like non-ironically.

So, yes, if I wanted to read, I was like, sure.

And they asked Walt, and Walt was like, very frankly, like, nah.

It's not my thing.

It's not my thing.

I don't want to read.

Like, I didn't know what kind of level of acting they wanted.

I didn't have any idea what it was going to be like.

I had already said yes.

So you knew exactly the level of acting they needed.

Well, I didn't know, but I don't know what they were going to expect of someone who's reading.

Were they going to get really into it?

And I didn't want to, I would feel very self-conscious about doing getting up on stage and in front of a crowd and

acting like against

titans of the industry like Dante

and his girlfriend.

A legitimate actor, though, and I don't want, I mean, I'm not going to

pretend that I'm an actor.

I'm not going to make it.

At no point did anyone say, like, look, there's a lot of people out there, some important people.

No.

We need to pass you off as actors.

No, no, not that there's important people.

I just didn't want

to be alone, but you reading alone people are going to be like, oh, there's Walt.

They already know what to expect.

I didn't feel i was prepared i did not go there thinking i was going to do that so i was like you a whole method yeah i was going to be thrust onto stage within a second and be like okay now start reading these lines i i

just and plus i didn't have my glasses and that would have been yeah like it would have been like all right waltz it's your turn i'd be like uh uh

squinting like a madman trying to read the lines kevs pissed as hell man yeah

um but before that we were we were kind of hanging out in the back room i guess the green room you would call it it's where everybody gets ready Oh, actually, the First Avenue Playhouse?

Yeah, the First Avenue Playhouse.

That's where the benefit was.

I guess they're going out of business, and Kevin was raising money.

Well, I think they were.

They were going to go out of business.

Yeah.

And then Kevin was like, no, community theater must thrive and raise some money over the course of two days by doing the clerks the screen.

Did you save the theater?

Yeah, I think they're going to keep the doors open now for another year.

Oh, wow.

Another year?

At least.

Did they rename it anything like the Kevin Smith Community Theater?

I mean, that would be a nice gesture, wouldn't you think?

I would think so, yeah.

I do think they need, like, I learned a few things throughout the night about the playhouse.

And one is that it's called like a dessert and a dessert theater or something.

I can't remember exactly, but evidently their desserts suck, and Brian O'Halloran called him out on it.

And it wasn't really like tactful, right?

I mean, it was like, I think he was trying to be funny, but it just came off as like,

seriously, your desserts are awful.

Like, it's the first word in the dessert theater combination, so you should

be.

I think he's just trying to be playful and just kind of like.

Oh, I think he was, too.

Yeah.

I'm just saying, I don't think it came with it.

Yeah, his delivery was a little bit like it was like

he was genuine.

Yeah, like he was upset with the dessert.

It happens, man.

Sometimes you miss

the hits you take.

Yeah.

It happens to me all the time.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

If it could happen to you.

It could happen to anybody.

Come on.

It fucking happens to me a lot.

I'm not very good.

I can't get it to you.

They just edit it out.

All I got to do is hit like fucking five out of fucking 100 and they throw that on the air.

Everybody's like, he's a genius.

Dante doesn't have that luxury.

Yeah, he has no, and there was no safety net.

Yeah, so he had to, you know, sit there and look like he was legitimately bashing the desserts.

It looks like that's which I bet you felt bad about that later.

I don't think so.

No.

I think in his world, he was like successful.

But we're hanging out in the back, the back area, and it's me, Mary Beth, and Walt, and O'Halloran, and his girl, and a bunch of other people.

And

I got to say, one of my favorite parts of the night came very early because O'Halloran and his girlfriend, Diana, they live up like two hours north of here in Pennsylvania.

And it seems like one of these communities, like a gated community?

Gated.

Gated community.

Yeah, not a, did I say gay community?

You sound like you did.

Oh, yeah.

Nice property values there.

Oh, yeah.

A gay community?

I live in a gay community?

Dude, it's just beautiful.

If a gay couple moves in next door to you, you hit the fucking money.

Property values rise in the gays move in.

Especially the married women because they take meticulous care of the neighborhood, the house.

That's kind of stereotypical, isn't it?

But in a good way.

I know, but like even anybody.

But it's also true.

But

are either stereotypes.

That doesn't matter.

Even if they're good stereotypes, they're still stereotypes, right?

Yeah, but so what?

Right.

I'll stand by.

If I was a black guy and I'm like, oh, stereotypes, I have a big dick.

I'd be like, all right.

Yeah, exactly.

I don't don't care.

You're not going to fight that one.

Yeah.

I thought we were trying to move away from stereotypes, even ones that are like

good.

I'm trying to get people to embrace gays moving into the neighborhood.

Sort of driving them out with pitchforks.

I didn't realize

you were pushing an agenda.

I just thought you.

Yeah, well, it's also true.

It's also true.

Gay couples, meticulous.

Well, I told Mary Beth, I was like, Asbury Park was, it looked like fucking Bosnia before the gays started, gay guys started moving in, gay couples, and fixing up Asbury and putting money into it.

And now it's like, I mean, it's a pretty, it's a hot spot, they would say.

I'm telling you, man,

people got a problem with gays.

You're crazy.

You're nuts.

Let them suck a little dick and then go out and trim the hedges.

Are you kidding me?

Those hedges, those box hedges are going to be so square.

Oh, my God.

Topieri, man.

Fuck it.

It's going to be beautiful.

If there's a gay community, I'll move right in.

Right.

I might even fucking, like, I might even give it a hand job or something.

Like, so they're not like, oh, let's kick him out.

He's only here for the nice fucking shrubbery and shit.

Do you know what the number one

aspect of wealth building in the United States is?

The number one aspect of wealth building in America in 2019.

What basically separates the haves from the have-nots.

Hmm.

This is, this is, I should know this.

You should know it.

Also, context clues, given this conversation might help.

I would say it

if you're born into money.

Nope.

Owning a home.

Owning a home.

Owning a home is the number one wealth building thing.

So I've been told.

Okay.

Yeah.

Well, they say like that's why, like, that's one of the big reasons that racism is a problem because

for black people, like when they move in, people, you know, you get white flight and then property values go down.

So even when black people save enough to save a house because of racism and stuff, people leave.

And then that puts them at a disadvantage as well.

So you buy a house, that's the first big step in America to accumulating wealth.

Now,

what's more important?

That the guy next door isn't sucking a dick or the guy next door is making sure those box edges a nice curb appeal.

You're watching your property values rise.

You're making money by him sucking dick.

It's like you're his pimp, practically.

Love it.

Bring it in.

Come on.

What does that do with Dante?

I don't know.

He lived in a gay community.

Oh, yeah, he lived in a gay community.

Yeah.

Yeah, so he lives in this gay

community.

Yeah, you got it.

Gated, not gay.

Gated.

Yes, okay.

Also good also.

Am I being schooled on enunciation and pronunciation?

No, but

it really does sound like you're saying.

Oh, my God.

I must be having a stroke.

How do I sound?

Gated.

A gated community.

Right.

And his...

O'Halloran's girlfriend is going off on it, right?

Here's what's great about it.

Here's what's great about it.

And at a certain point, you're like, I don't want to hear what's great about it anymore.

And she made the mistake of saying, like, its elevation was like 1,700 feet.

So I seized upon the moment and I was like, oh, you must get a lot of snow then, huh?

She was like, throw a little negative in there.

And her face, oh, her face was awesome.

And I watched it change, like, all right, yeah, maybe it does get a little snowy.

And then later on, Mary Beth is like, I see your face.

And then I look over to Walt and I see his face.

Like, You guys are like locking eyes like, right, right?

This is someone you like.

I was tired of hearing about how great her fucking place was.

Oh, they collect the garbage, and we got a pool, and we got this and that.

I'm like, you know what?

Oh, Halloran's lady.

So, yeah, we

read,

oh, and then Walt, fucking, before he left.

We went up on stage.

He stayed for a little while.

I stayed for about 20 minutes.

About 20 minutes.

At one point, Kev was was like, he wanted Walt to read from the audience, but Walt had already left.

I didn't know.

Yeah, he wouldn't have to.

Yeah, Kevin did that.

Kevin pissed.

He's closing the store.

Yeah, he was like, you know what?

Fuck this playhouse.

Fuck the store.

I don't know why he would have because he's the one that asked me, and I was like, no, I can't do it.

I can't read.

So I don't know why he would think.

He said from the audience, I guess.

That was his.

Like, I guess that would be different.

Oh, says that.

You wouldn't have to go up on stage.

Gotcha.

All right.

Yeah, I would have done that.

I'll let him him know.

So

Walt emasculates me at one point where I'm like,

you know, I'm doing this diet thing, so I'm constantly hungry.

And I didn't anticipate, I thought I was going to be there 10 minutes, not the next five hours.

So I'm like, I got to get a snack or something.

Mary Beth's like, all right, I'll go.

What do you want?

And I was like, I don't know, like almonds or something.

And he's like,

Almonds?

I hear from.

He's not involved in the conversation.

He's over here.

I'm over here.

Almonds?

Where the fuck is she going to get almonds from?

Why are you sending her out for almonds?

Why can't you just have a candy bar?

And now she's getting worked up.

She's like, yeah, why can't you just have a candy bar?

Where's she going to find almonds at?

It's like 8 o'clock at night.

There's no grocery stores around where we're at.

But I thought there is a convenience store.

I was like, the convenience store is right across the street.

But it was only, they would definitely have almonds.

But it was only after we left that I was like, and I was still like,

remember Walt said it was so far away, and then it turned out it was like four blocks away, and she has heels on it.

Did you get the almonds?

No, she never got the almonds.

Good for her.

I tried.

Yeah.

So you failed.

No, no, no.

She hardly tried.

She stepped out the door.

She looked up and down the street and didn't see a convenience door.

She's like, I tried, fuck it.

That was the trying.

But I mean, why are you asking for something like so exotic?

I mean,

it's not like I was like, oh my God, I could really go for triantula eggs right now.

Sort of jackfruit around here I've been invited to.

Yeah, I was like, because I'm in superfood, man.

It'll keep me going.

Like, no sugar in shit.

I got to say, the two of you are looking good.

Smelt.

Yeah.

Handsome couple.

I thought you guys were getting a little pudgy.

Oh, we're on an all-almond diet now.

It looked lately like you two were just sitting around eating a lot.

I thought the last time.

I was like watching movies and stuff.

Yeah, the two of you were getting a little

soft around the edges.

I don't know why it would look like that.

We talked about it a lot behind your backs.

But I was I was like, dude, I don't know what to do.

But

when I saw you, you came to my house this week.

I was like, wow, you look really good.

When I saw Mary Beth.

I mean, she always looks good.

But I was like, oh, wow, this diet is like, it's fucking, you guys are on it.

Yeah, we're going somewhere in October, so we're like shooting for a certain mark.

Hang on.

Well, it's warm down there, so you want to walk around, you know.

Without a shirt?

Yeah.

Okay.

What's like cross-Florida State Line?

Shirt comes off.

Put it back on when I'm on the plane.

Bag of hat goes on.

Yeah, really.

So, what were we talking about?

Oh, the

almonds and shit.

Never did you get the almonds.

I didn't get anything, actually, right?

No, I never did get anything.

I starved.

Should have sent me to get here.

I would have came back with a candy bar.

I didn't know you were going to do the Irish exit.

Like, walk up.

You knew I was out.

You knew I was gone.

I didn't know how long the night was going to be.

Yeah, well,

you were wise to leave.

But yeah,

taking that fucking little bit of wind out of her sails about her fucking stupid gay community.

That was a high point for me.

And what else happened?

And then I went back the second day for the afternoon reading.

And that one was a little smoother because people knew what the script was about.

It was all right.

Did they record it?

I think they did video.

Yeah, but made some money.

out.

I suppose.

We did not, Walt, you and I

did not get invited to an event recently.

Something I saw that

I got to say, I was taken aback after just, and I wonder if not recognizing

Scotty

maybe played into this non-invitation because it had to do with rock and roll And maybe he thought it was going to fucking embarrass him again or something.

But Q goes to a Kiss concert.

I check my phone, no call or text.

I can't imagine you had anything on yours.

I don't.

I rarely get texts from Q.

Right.

Even if you're like 911.

I'll get to it when I get to it.

I'm busy being gorgeous and famous.

Listen, man,

I wanted to hang with Sunday Jeff.

I know the dude's a Kiss fan.

I know he's excited by it.

And as I remember on an episode of Comic Book Man, you guys just didn't have a good back and forth with Gene.

Like you guys kind of had an issue with Gene, and I don't want you guys to embarrass me.

I did have.

Oh, you got backstage?

Of course I got backstage.

Why would he bring Sunday Jeff otherwise?

He's trying to woo him as his new friend.

See, that's a Prudential Center.

They give me.

I'm not even kidding.

This isn't a joke.

I have full run to go wherever I want at the Prudential.

Security doesn't even need to be a game.

He played the song with Kiss.

Security or Prudential knows me.

They're just like, hey, Q, what's up?

Park right there.

I pull up.

I have a fucking parking spot.

It's not even legal.

I just leave my car there.

You're like, yo, Cat Man, play Beth.

Carla Q.

Because I know you don't know the fucking name.

Other than Gene and Paul, I know you don't know the real names of the.

Well, I know Ace.

Ace is not in the fucking name.

I know, I know, but that's what I'm saying.

I know Ace and Peter Chris, but once they left, I'm going to go to the next stage.

Oh, okay.

So you know the originals that half the fucking world knows.

If the concert was in in 78, I would have been prepared.

But who are you?

Whatever, man.

Kiss now.

What?

Yeah, what?

I don't know.

Why wouldn't you fucking ask the fucking kiss?

Because

you guys have some beef with Gene, and then I bring him to see fucking Iron Maiden, and he embarrasses me.

Right, but you said that I could get the next call when you were for anthrax.

So why wouldn't you be like, hey, it's not anthrax, but it's KISS.

Because I already know.

You know, I fucking adore Kiss.

No, I don't know that you do.

And I was the one who had the problem with Gene, not Walt.

Yeah.

Listen, man, I don't know what to tell you.

You know, your name doesn't carry much water and fucking potential.

I don't want to show up.

I love Sunday Jeff's doesn't carry it.

Yeah, but that's the thing.

Like, Sunday Jeff shows up, he's my friend.

You show up.

They're like, ooh, it's Walt.

No, no, no.

I don't think so because I believe if we went, we would have gotten the same treatment as him because we recorded that thing with the Devils

back in 2012.

I was, look,

I don't often do this, but I want it big time now.

All right.

I was hanging out in the devils, like the president of the organization.

Me and Hugh and Sunday Jeff were having beers in the bunker and then in the VIP bunker down below.

Who's Hugh?

Oh, see, this is why I can't fucking bring him anyway.

Who's Hugh, though?

Hugh is, who is Hugh a part of?

Is the president of the entire organization?

Okay.

You said the devils, though, before that.

Oh, well, devils are part of the organization.

They also own Crystal Palace.

They own.

You know what?

It doesn't really matter.

You two fucking nitwits didn't even see fucking Kiss.

You saw a fucking.

No, you didn't.

You didn't see Kiss.

Dude, we were rocking and rolling.

You saw a half a kiss.

You may as well have left halfway through the concert.

You saw two fucking imposters.

And you saw two imposters.

That's the real catman.

Whatever.

Yeah,

Cito.

Yeah.

You know what?

I'll tell you what.

Me and some of these have been like third fucking row.

We can see pretty.

It looked like the Catman does.

Yeah.

It looked like the Catman does.

You do know what's going on on this end of the road tour, right?

What do you you mean?

You do know the

backlash to this tour, don't you?

No, no, you don't know.

No, no, of course not.

All you know is fucking third.

You got third.

No, bro.

I parked on the stage.

So important.

That's right, man.

You wouldn't.

This is this negativity you drag into it, man.

Tell me about that.

Because I keep it fucking real.

I'm not sucking everyone's fucking dick.

You get backstage.

All right, fine.

Some fucking.

Sunday's like, let me take care of these roadies.

Yeah.

I got this, cute.

Whatever.

We were backstage.

You guys were in your fucking living room in your crooked house.

And Sunday, Jeff, and I were fucking rock and rolling backstage.

You basically could have seen a fucking cover band because that's basically what KISS is at this point.

They're not even playing the songs.

You do realize that.

Of course they are.

No, they're not.

Dude, it was awesome.

Look it up.

Look it up.

They're not playing the songs.

Lick it up.

Lick it up.

They're lip-syncing.

They're not lip-syncing.

Oh, my God.

You're a fucking naive motherfucker.

They are naive.

I was there.

I saw the spittle coming out of his mouth while he was saying.

Well, you could spit a while you lip sync, right?

Yeah, bro.

That makes it more believable.

This is why I can't bring you.

That's lip syncing.

This is why I can't bring you.

End of the road lip sync.

Every fucking one of those songs is lip sync.

All right, dude.

Guess what, pal?

I'll tell you what.

You know what has happened in the audience with me and some of the Jeff?

We were fucking throwing the horns up and running.

We were fucking kissing each other.

That's funny.

That's right.

We were.

We weren't

going, he's not really singing.

He's lip syncing.

This is

bullshit.

This is a cover band.

There's none of that.

Who the fuck are you, you?

There's none of that.

They're like the Ashley Simpson of rockers.

No, you know, I wouldn't have been that.

Like, I would have been that negative on the ride home.

But while I was there, I would have kept my mouth shut.

And I like how he's like, I basically own the rock, yet Sunday Jeff is still blowing roadies.

Hey, you can't stop Sunday Jeff from blowing roadies.

I'm not here to fucking hurt him.

I went to a concert with Sunday Jeff.

I know how the man rocks.

Like fucking octanogen.

What's it called?

Octogenarian.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They fucking throw down and fucking mosh more than fucking Sunday Jeff will.

I went to see Alice Cooper with it.

Okay.

All jokes aside.

Yeah.

Can I tell you?

Yeah.

He was fucking rocking.

How was he rocking?

I mean, it's like.

Was he doing an air guitar?

He was doing shit like that.

Oh, my God.

I'm so glad I didn't see that because I would lose every ounce of respect I have for them.

Dude, that motherfucker was fucking doing air guitar.

Dude, he was fucking doing this.

He He was doing this.

Oh my God, that's so fucking sad.

It was crazy.

How did you not record it, Dad?

Oh, my God.

That's the saddest shit I've ever heard.

I did.

I tried to take it.

This is my friend, guys.

Because I did try to take pictures of him rocking out.

And they were coming out blurry because he was rocking so much.

Did you guys pop your shirts off like those guys we saw at Iron Maiden?

Did you guys high-five each other?

Paul Axe shouted out loud came on.

I know this one.

100% we were high-fiving.

It was funny.

These fucking posers.

Why are we posers?

So fucking

almost too perfect to be true.

Sunday Jeff.

Like, if I could get that video footage, all I would put on it would be LOL fail.

These two air guitaring together.

Yeah, he was, dude, everybody was in makeup.

Like, all the fans around us were in makeup.

I saw the picture of you two online.

Yeah.

Sunday Jeff is wearing a fucking collared shirt and you're wearing a suit jacket.

Okay?

Yes, you were.

It was blue.

Navy blue.

It's a hoodie, bro.

That's a hoodie?

Okay.

I thought it was a suit jacket like you were.

I'm not going to roll up to the Prue in a suit.

You see you're fucking dressed like Rob Lowe in 1989.

There's a fucking hoodie in the photo.

There's a hood in the photo.

Not that photo.

Not that photo.

That's all.

That's all.

What's he wearing?

What's Sunday Jeff wearing?

Yeah, he's wearing a polo.

Yeah, he's fucking popping his collar.

Look at how that fucking VIP bracelet just sits on his fucking wrist sometimes.

He has two polos on.

That's a man who deserves to be fucking backstage to fucking make noise for kiss.

Yeah, that corny-ass smile.

He's like, oh my god.

When fucking Gene spit the blood out, the place went nuts.

Sunday Jeff was like, oh, yeah, what song was that when he spit the blood out?

I mean, look at these seats, man.

We were right there.

Wow.

That's no Zoom.

So you could have got blood on you, huh?

Yeah.

If he spit it out far enough.

Yeah, Sunday Jeff had his period.

Yeah.

All over his fucking pussy finger.

Viral video.

Q fingers, ugly chick.

I might have gotten him on video.

Dude, it was, it was, he's, he's the fucking man, bro.

I would, uh, what did he have any drinks in him?

Like, I know sometimes he likes to throw back a much harder.

Really, no, you know, we, we, I, we, because what happens is this poke is shit, Q.

Got new stuff.

Dude, when it went fucking.

Did you guys do any fucking drugs?

Illicit fucking drinks.

No, no, no.

We did a lot.

We did candy.

We had a lot of candy back there because the VIP section has like food and drinks, free drinks, and stuff like that.

So I was drinking beers.

But I thought concert growers, that's what you blaze.

Oh, we're going to fucking see the rock stars.

We got to blaze.

How else are you going to enjoy it?

We weren't doing it, but there was a lot of people blazing.

Yeah, I figured.

And you guys didn't just fall right into it.

I mean, you're fucking doing every other fucking stereotype in the fucking way.

What are all the other rockers doing?

This is that move when I was made for Loving You was going on.

You were doing this.

And it was the two of us side by side just reaching to the sky and grabbing it.

It was fucking great, dude.

What was the finale?

What was our finale song?

Do you remember?

Oh, yeah.

Wow, what a surprise.

But I must have been a shocker.

Monday fucking.

Can you believe it's Sunday joke?

Yes.

Yes!

Fucking yes!

Cat man!

I was so disappointed they didn't play God Get Rock and Roll 2.

That was what I wanted to hear the most.

Oh, really?

They didn't play it.

Yeah, I mean, that was a pretty big hit for them in the 90s, but I guess they wanted to go with all the

songs that half the band didn't even fucking play on.

He said he goes, he goes, we're playing Classic Kiss Tonight.

Who said that?

Sunday Jeff?

In that voice.

No, I think he's saying because even when he was talking, he was doing the voice.

I'm telling you.

He was like,

we were like, yeah.

But maybe those are the parts that aren't lip sync.

If you Google the end of the road, there's a lot of backlash from Kiss fans saying that it's

you're not, you're not getting, you're not hearing a Kiss concert.

You're hearing them play tracks.

Dude, I don't know who's talking about that.

I know some people don't care.

They just want to see the theatrics.

The theatrics are top notch.

Well, wait a minute.

Last time you were on the podcast, you said that Iron Maiden was out-kissing kiss.

I think Iron Maiden was a better show.

Do they out-kiss Kiss?

Well, they didn't have the face paint on, and they were really singing, so I guess so.

Did Sunday Jeff out-kiss kiss?

Dude, I can't believe Gene 70.

Yeah, that was crazy.

Pull Stanley's what's it is something else.

They did not look at the stamina they need to perform.

That's why I think they were singing.

No,

I'm telling you, their voice, like Paul Stanley's voice is shot.

Dude, at one point, Sunday Jeff had a little piece of popcorn on the side of his mouth, so I brushed it away.

I love you.

Like, we really fucking bonded.

Why did your fucking face paint go all the way?

That was later on.

How do you want to wrap it up, Sunday church?

Finger paint the little scar scar around his own.

It was great.

It was great.

It was fucking phenomenal, dude.

I think

it was just me and Sunday Jeff, and I think that it was probably the most fun experience I've ever had at a concert.

He was

even more fun than a week earlier watching me stoically stare and wait for it to end.

I'm telling you, Sunday Jeff knows how to rock.

So you're telling me that the concert experience was

more favorable with Sunday Jeff because Sunday Jeff got into it and Bry just doesn't lose his shit.

Yeah.

He won't sway.

There's no.

With Sunday Jeff, it's just enthusiasm and almost childlike glee.

Yeah, he does bring that.

Yeah, and it was a new side of Sunday Jeff that I had never really seen before.

Because I like the guy.

We're not super close.

I really only see him when we're here.

So it was like it was a real, like to see him.

Nice bonding experience.

Yeah, like so happy and excited.

And he you couldn't, you didn't couldn't fucking, with all your sway, you couldn't swing a third seat.

I didn't even think to do it.

I gotta be honest with you.

Obviously.

And I gotta be honest, he was tickled that I called him over you guys.

He had no, he thought that was pretty awesome.

I can't wait until you drop him.

He feels that heartbreak.

So what's your next concert, you and your best boy?

I'm gonna have to see who comes to town and what's appropriate for Sunday Jeff to rock out to.

Lady Gaga, maybe?

Take that guy anyway.

Who opened up for Kiss?

We were in the VIP, like the under part, and we didn't see.

So, did Sunday get to talk to Gene or Paul?

No, no.

Backstage?

No,

we saw them walk by and we said hi, but we didn't.

Really?

Yeah.

What would you have said if you got a chance to talk to him?

Did you have something prepared?

No, no, I didn't.

Are you one of the original guys?

I probably would have just been like big fan, Gene.

Bigger fan than Brian and Walter.

I'm Cat Man.

You literally don't know the names of the guys playing,

and I have no clue.

I don't want to know.

Why?

Why would you not want to know?

Why would you want to walk around in ignorance?

Because to me, that's the cat manager.

That's what America wants to do.

Just fucking be like, you know what?

I don't care.

Bury their heads.

Who cares who the new drummer is?

Let's go shit on the legacy of the original four guys.

That's why I didn't fucking call you guys and go seek this.

Ace Fraley, one of the most amazing guitarists of the 70s.

Yeah,

so innovative.

He wanted to be a part of this.

Did he really?

Yeah, and they said no.

Why?

Sorry, drunk.

Yeah, they don't want to share any money, man.

How much money do they need?

That they're cutting out Ace.

Well, they'll say that's not the reason.

They'll say it's his

unreliability, and he'll go back to his old ways of being difficult.

Yeah.

And they'll say Peter wasn't in no shape at this stage of his life for the rigors that it would take.

I saw him at the Horror Con.

I might have to agree with that.

Yeah.

That Uni Tart is not doing him any favors.

But, oh, man, when I got out of concert, I downloaded their greatest hits.

Oh, fucking rock rocking and last night.

On the way home.

I'm not even kidding.

Recently added.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, that's a terrible album, too.

No deep cuts.

Best of kisses?

No deep cuts.

Deep cuts.

Deep cuts.

That's where the best of kiss is.

Not on the fucking, the ones that you heard a million times.

I got to disagree.

Come on and love me.

No, they didn't play it.

No one's going to hear it.

Yeah, because it's a great song, but no one wants to hear it because they're all fucking fish.

Do they still play God of Thunder?

Oh.

Do they?

I don't know.

Of course they do.

I don't know.

They have so many hits.

Oh, is that the one he spits the blood to?

Yeah, they play God of Thunder.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Did they open up with Detroit Rock City?

I don't remember.

When he said New Jersey.

Oh, Newark.

He kept saying New York.

Newark.

Did you guys go fucking nuts?

Fuck you.

You're here last morning, Jeff.

He knows we're here.

But you've got to see something, Jeff.

That's the other thing.

I could bring him into the VIP bunker.

And we're there with you.

We're there with all these guys.

The housewives of fucking New Jersey were there.

Like the cats.

What?

And the coscast and the jersey housewives?

And some days you have to.

Teresa Guadicci was there.

He fucking moves through them.

He talks to them.

He charms them.

Like, he's there.

He can't fucking form a sentence.

I'm telling you.

The man can't put four words together and a string of four words together to make any sense.

That is, you know, why you put him in that box.

And I took him out of the box and

he flies free.

Because when I went to the fucking bathroom

and I came back, he was talking to people and they were all like laughing and shit like that.

Yeah.

They were laughing at us.

It's like, you're fucking.

I don't even want to know.

I'm just fucking talking to you.

Talking to both of you.

Why?

I don't think that's right.

Do you know what Kiss was going to call themselves?

What?

Fuck.

Why?

That's what they wanted by the name woman Kiss instead.

Well, that's a better name.

Definitely safer.

Wow.

So Sunday Jeff.

He was great.

I heard from some people after we talked about the maiden concert and our inability to connect with music and the people around us.

And they suggested we take Molly or Ecstasy Walt.

And then maybe we can take our shirts off and dance along with these two.

No, we didn't take our shirts off.

Sunday Jeff is twerking and gets booted off the stage by security.

Did you guys go into the mosh pit?

No, no, we were in, uh, we were in, well, the crowd's so old, dude.

There's so much.

I know.

Like, we were pretty fucking

how old is that crowd?

Old.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's a lot of, it's a lot of.

But there's younger.

Like, there were kids

that were definitely picking up the Kiss Army

flag.

Probably kids of Kiss fans.

It seems that's the way it goes.

Yeah, you pass that shit down.

Yeah.

But it was a good night, huh?

Great night.

Man.

Great night.

I didn't want a tent.

I didn't want a tent.

Like, there was none of it.

Like, I never even stay anymore to the end of the concert.

I'm always like, I gotta get out of here so I can be traffic and I don't have to like talk to people.

You couldn't, you couldn't fucking get me out of that seat until the last fucking corridor is played.

Yeah, because Sunday drap was on your fucking lap.

That's why he wished it wasn't time to go.

You want to get up and show everybody your erection.

All right, man, what happened?

I had a fucking shit.

I'm sorry, man.

It stings a little, man, because

I want to at least be able to say, no, I don't want to go.

Me too.

That's all.

Why?

You know, I wouldn't go, but you could just be like, hey, I'm going to see Kiss with Sunday, Jeff.

You want to go?

I'd be like, oh, no, that's okay.

But Sophie only has two tickets and you say yes.

He's like, shit.

Well, come on, man.

He knows Hugh.

Oh, that's right.

Secure him another ticket.

You can just text Hugh.

Yeah, we can.

But at least, at least give give me the

courtesy of being able to say no.

Yeah, to decline.

Yeah, don't make me look.

Go fuck your kiss.

Why do you feel that you are

above Sunday Jeff?

I'm not above Sunday Jeff.

But I think you could have secured another ticket, being that you owned the Prudential Center.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Two more tickets.

We could always.

I just feel like you guys don't have a good history with Kiss, and given the embarrassment that I had with him.

You think that they're performing fucking I Was Made for Loving You, they're going to catch and see us in the fucking third row.

I'm not worried about the points of words.

Arms crossed,

glowering.

I wouldn't have went backstage.

Well, there you go, right away.

I wouldn't have went backstage.

I would have gone home afterwards.

There's fun back there, man.

No, it ain't.

There's a whole bunch of fucking people trying to fucking suck their dicks and tell them how great they are.

That's true.

I was at the Iron Maiden thing.

We tried to get into the fancy room.

They were like, get out of here.

And I was like, why'd we ever leave our corner?

We had our corner.

Why'd we leave?

I don't draw any water in the barclays.

That's for goddamn reason.

You know, well,

you could be damn sure that I'm going to be inviting a Sunday Jeff to some things and making sure you're well aware of where we're at.

But you do that anyway.

Right, but I never throw it in your face.

And really, like, publicly humiliate you by putting it on Twitter.

Like, hey, here's my new best rock and roll.

I can't hang out with my friend.

You can, but I felt like that tweet was sort of directed at us, not your followers.

You think just because I did.

Nobody knows who watches at IJ knows who Sunday Jeff is.

But wait a minute, I just.

How do you go to comments?

Because I was fucking so pissed off.

I was reading some of them.

Like, who the fuck is that old man he's with?

Is that his father?

Yeah.

Why is he hanging out with this doughy dish?

I think it's his mother.

So you can't.

I don't understand why you felt the need to let the social media know that you were with Sunday Jeff.

Because it was for the ants.

I knew the ants would be exciting.

Or maybe it is for the IJ people.

See, I'm still the common man.

I don't just hang around with other TV personalities.

You didn't see some of the ants going like, how come Wolf isn't there?

Or why didn't they answer?

Well, actually, I didn't really yet hit that because we were in a very exclusive section where they just don't do things like that.

What?

You can't look at your phone and see some of the comments left from the picture?

Oh, I saw the comments.

Oh, I do.

You meant people coming up to us.

Oh, no, no, no.

No.

I meant obviously not.

Like, is that Sunday Jeff from Twitter?

Let's get a picture with him.

Well, like I said, yeah, I'll be honest.

I didn't even tell you.

I'll make sure.

I didn't tell you.

I didn't throw it in your face.

Yeah, but other people brought it to my attention, though.

I can't be responsible for that.

I'm not having a good time with my new pal.

It would be like if you tweeted to one of us, oh, sorry to find out your significant other was cheating on you, like humiliating us in front of everyone instead of a text message.

But

I disagree, man.

It's okay.

It's all right.

I disagree.

You guys, I just feel like you wouldn't have brought,

and I feel it's justified given how this conversation goes, the enthusiasm that I was looking for as the newest member of the Kiss Army.

Why do you feel the need that you have to surround yourself

with

people of a certain level of exuberance, though?

How will that reflect on you, you think?

I mean, are you that fucking out of touch with reality?

No, that you think that if like if like some fucking stage hand saw you who's sitting with me, that they would think less of you?

Are you fucking that out of fucking stuff?

I'm talking about you.

Maybe one too.

I'm talking about my own experience of the content.

I don't want to fucking have to worry about that.

Why are you worried about if I'm not fucking pumping like that?

Why is Sunday Jeff was doing?

I didn't want to worry about it, man.

I just didn't occur to me to think about it.

You could just say I just forgot or I didn't think about you.

I didn't forget.

Oh, who was intentionally?

Dude, there was a mental checklist.

He's like, who am I closer to?

Brian, Walt?

Yeah, fuck them both.

Who's next on the list?

Oh, Sunday Jeff likes Kiss.

That episode of Comic Man that Gene was on, right?

That was a great episode.

People love that episode.

Did you see me

out in the stands, out in the crowd with my makeup on?

Yeah.

I was going crazy.

You think without Walt if she was like, that was an act, but

you think that Walt would have showed up?

If you had said, hey, I want you to come, but I don't want you to be pissy Walt.

Yeah.

I want you to be, I want you to, I don't know, I just want to have a good time.

So I don't want you to have to be negative.

I would have made exuberance.

Go fuck yourself, I would have said.

And then I'd be like, and I would have laughed.

And then you'd be like, take it or leave it.

You know, it's interesting because

let me just check my calendar here, but I believe Kiss is playing the Barkleys.

Oh, all the way out in fucking Brooklyn?

Not to mention that.

Now I got to go to fucking Brooklyn.

I was at Barkley with him.

Like he said, people don't give a fuck.

So we're not getting into the VIP.

Yeah.

We're not getting into the past.

I thought you got to go and fucking Jeff treatment.

Watching Ron Count?

You know what?

That's not Kiss.

That is

Kiss.

Right.

This is what what I'm talking about.

Now you're supposed to travel even farther to go see.

Some aunts fell.

I had an aunt reach out to me.

Did you?

I had an aunt reach out to me.

Started GoFundMe for his psychiatric care.

How fucking fucked up is this?

Or like, hey, it's a guy that

I work with kind of closely on some projects.

Get him.

Not get him.

And he said, hey, man.

He lives in upstate New York.

He lives up by, almost by the tip of Canada, we're at the border of Canada.

And he's like, KISS is going to be up there.

I know you didn't get to go last night.

My wife is, my wife can get his tickets.

If I get tickets, would you come up?

Right.

This guy's barely a citizen.

He lives almost in Canada.

And he was like, that because I know it sucks that you didn't get to go last night.

I saw the bad news.

How do you fucking think that makes me feel when I got to?

I'll be like, people pity you.

Yeah.

They're like, I feel bad for him.

His friend doesn't care about him.

Listen to me.

It's a real bad reflection on you, though.

Why?

Sunday Jeff doesn't look like shit.

Sunday Jeff's going to be a little bit more of a cat.

It would be a great story, though.

We could have gone to the Kiss concert together, all three of us.

All four of us.

Sunday Jeff still could have come.

We all could have painted our faces.

I don't think you guys would have broken it.

Yeah, we could have made it.

It could have been for Patreon.

None of you was showing up with painted fucking face.

Slap a little paint on it.

It's like we may as well be in the band like those guys.

That's not going to happen.

But we could have done it for Patreon.

It could have been a real fucking big one.

Not everything's about fucking making money off Patreon, bro.

Sometimes you just want to go rock.

I can't wait to be on a successful TV show at eight.

Otherwise,

fucking what?

Nine seasons?

What's the big deal about that?

Well, it could have been a real fucking

great evening.

It was a great evening.

It could have been bigger and better.

Not for us.

It could have been bigger and better, though.

Where were you when you got the news?

I was sitting watching IJ.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was sitting watching IJ.

You went through Cooper and Sox.

And

I was like, I saw my notification come up and I looked and I saw that somebody had tagged me with the picture of you and Sunday, Jeff, and I was like, that's fucked up.

And I thought it was a joke at first.

This has to be Photoshop.

BSJ?

There was nothing I could do to see that they were actually at where they were.

Right.

And then I saw subsequent tweets.

I saw it was

hammered home that they actually were there.

And it wasn't.

No, it's true.

Yeah.

It was awesome.

I bought somebody Jeffator t-shirt.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

$75 for

Well, I got the tickets.

He's like, could I have two, Daddy?

I got the tickets for you.

Daddy, you're going to rip this one off me when we get home tonight.

Where are the seams on this?

Ah, we'll stay for the you, baby.

Wow.

I mean, really, you deserve it.

You deserve every bit of the fucking.

Do you think this bothers me?

I had a fucking great time.

It'll bother me.

It shows how fucking

what kind of humanity you have left there for this doesn't bother you, though.

Look at it from Sunday Jeff's point of view.

I'm not mad at Sunday Jeff.

Why wouldn't you be mad at anybody?

You don't have a right.

You could have asked me, though, at least given me the opportunity to say yes or no.

Sunday Jeff.

I don't begrudge Sunday Jeff at all for saying yes.

An opportunity to go up and see Kiss third row with you.

Rock out.

With all the specials and whistles, all of it.

Yeah, that you that.

best arena in the world.

You know, I imagine, you know, I would have been like, I would have been like, yeah, Sunday, you got to say yes.

But he didn't even tell me either.

He tried to hide it from me.

Oh, did he really?

Yeah, I talked to him that afternoon.

He didn't say a word.

Oh, that is.

That's fucked up.

Is there any way you can block Walt on Twitter?

I can't have him discover it.

No,

I talked to him about something.

He didn't mention he was going to kiss me.

No, it was so weird.

It was like 4 o'clock in the afternoon.

I texted him about something, and he called me to clarify what we were talking about.

And I was like, and we're talking.

I was like, all right, man, I'll talk to you later.

And I said, all right, I'll see you later.

And he didn't say, like, hey, I'm going to see Kiss with Q tonight.

Nothing.

Now, that says enough right there, right?

He knows

not to say something.

You think he assumes.

I'm not going to let fucking queer this deal for me.

I'm not going to go see Kiss.

Maybe, maybe.

Maybe it's just none of your business.

Maybe it's just two pals going to see Kiss.

I guess that's what it was.

You guys do shit without me.

Looks like it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is your family gone yet?

Yeah.

When how long have they been gone?

They left Thursday morning.

Thursday.

And then I've been alone since Thursday morning.

When do they get back?

Next Saturday.

Oh, shit.

Where are they?

They're on a cruise.

All females in our family.

All the females went on a cruise.

Yeah, nice.

Yeah.

But it's really fucking weird.

Like that first night, the first night they were gone, we were supposed to record Tell'em Steve Dave.

And I guess you had another fucking event with Sunday Jeff and you couldn't make any bad out.

Last minute.

Yeah.

He's like, I would come down, but Sunday, Jeff just got these awesome tickets

to a craft show, I guess.

Turns out he owns the place.

So earlier in the week, I got fucking big time by you guys going to kiss.

And then the first night I'm alone without my family in my entire life,

at least I'll see my friends tonight and we'll record.

I'll have some yucks.

But I went home to just an empty house and just counted the hours until I fell asleep at one, like one or two o'clock in the morning.

He's like, despite my request, they haven't asked everyone on the turnpike to pull to the side so I can get through it.

Yeah, it's weird, though.

It's weird being alone.

I don't like it.

No, no, we're all climbing the walls.

It's like, it's just

very unusual.

Maybe we'll do something, me and you.

Maybe.

Yeah.

Yeah, maybe.

All right, go for it.

We'll tweet it.

Definitely.

There's a lot of fucking seats left in the upper deck.

I think you guys,

you know, go for it.

It'll be easier to throw bottles bottles down for you guys.

I would love to see your fucking head split open by a bottle.

Holy shit, I hit him.

Get the fuck out of here.

He's bleeding more than Gene was during Cloud of Thunder.

Blood was going to pour from somewhere that night.

Where did you read that?

They're lip-syncing.

And now he's all like, oh, wow, I don't think I saw Kiss.

The realization just

kind of sullied the night you just shattered his reality

i'm sorry i did that did you think you had a good time

you know that best of album that you bought yeah that's what you were listening to while you're at the concert

you know what i was listening to it with sunday jeff so it's fine you guys singing along to it is pretty much the same as what they did

i i'm telling you i don't think that they will live singing

i don't know they were they sound like

i think the internet would uh have a big argument against it with they they have footage of them on this tour where they're not matching up, and the vocals start before he starts, gets to the mic, and they're not matching up.

They weren't polished enough in the act yet, and they got caught lip-syncing.

Yeah, but

he was riffing and talking in the songs.

Again, it's only the songs, I would think.

It's only like the actual song.

Someone over there is agreeing with that.

What?

Looks like the night went from a 10 to a 7?

No, this is why she didn't get the fucking call either.

It's poor attitude.

Like, if it was lip-synced, would it bring it down from a 10 to a 9?

Not at all.

Come on.

It wasn't about that.

It was about me and Sunday Jeff at the KissCon.

Tracking.

It was great.

I mean, backtracking.

It was about me and Sunday Jeff and fellowship.

So they had probably

lottery.

If it was confirmed, without a doubt.

Yeah, it would have been a firm.

What if it was also a stand-in for Gene that night?

Wow.

That was like a guest singer.

No, no.

There is a guy that has to go in when Gene gets tired.

That wouldn't bother me.

It wouldn't bother you either.

No, I didn't pay for the tickets.

Why are you going if no one in the band is actually there?

You were saying that.

They're singing.

I'm telling you.

He is at an age where, like, sometimes they said he has to have a body double come out.

Showmanship, man.

I'm fine with that.

You're fine with that.

Fine with that.

Oh, my God.

Paul Stanley got, there was, like, in the back.

Or Paul Stanley standing.

It was a mini stage.

He got onto

Zipline type thing and shot over the crowd onto that mini thing.

Yeah, that mini platform.

It was awesome.

Yeah, it was.

So you're impressed by what tourists do in Caribbean locations?

Ziplining?

Jesus Christ.

Oh, Christ.

Is there anything you didn't love?

Get over the crowd.

No.

Come on.

And And I saw the Jeff Effect going on.

Stop, stop, stop, Rich.

We just be real.

Stop with the act for a second.

Not acting.

Stop with the bullshit.

Stop pretending to hang out with something.

Jeff was fun.

What was...

There had to be a moment in the actor you were just like,

that's aging a little poorly.

Nothing?

No.

Honestly, no.

Really?

It was so much fucking fun.

The stage show was great.

Their performance is great.

The only thing I had was really, like, when Gene Simmons came out, I have a little residual

distaste for him because of

his antics on Comic Book, man.

I don't like the way he talked to you guys on Comic Man.

Well, yeah, well, we appreciate that.

At least

you could have took a harsher stand and just not gone to the show if you really felt that way.

But I mean,

it's not enough that

that distaste wasn't that distasteful.

I mean, you guys still have the episodes.

What do you want me to do?

Like, it's out there.

You were there.

You had the face paint on and the makeup on.

Yeah, I was fucking getting paid.

Right, right, right.

Well, I hear what you're saying, but it was, it was, I, I mean, look, how many chances do I have to hang out with Sunday Jeff?

You get to hang out with him all the time.

Yeah, you're right.

But, I mean,

we could hang out if you were like, hey, you want to go to this?

I could have brought Sunday Jeff just as easily, you know.

You could have made that happen.

All four of us could have did it.

Maybe.

I was just looking for that Sunday Jeff connection, though.

Yeah, that energy.

It's like fucking mainlining, right?

You know what?

I'm telling you, when he's out,

this the oppressive thumb of you guys.

Of me, he blossoms.

Really?

I am at fault for his being a fucking wallflower.

Total lamo.

I think when

he's in your presence, he feels he will get slapped if he steps out of the role that you put him in.

So if he's

as a oafish

Sunday Jeff.

A boob.

Yeah, boo.

Right.

There was no sign of oafishness or boobery that night.

You just told us he was rocking out.

But everybody was like, he looked like he was climbing a ladder with a bad thing.

Yeah, that's the thing.

He was having black.

He looks like he was doing a Jane Fonda workout.

I know.

And nobody was judging him.

Nobody was judging him.

So he was having a fucking bliss.

And a smile on his face.

He's hanging out with him.

You must have been fucking blotted if you weren't judging people around.

He wasn't blotted at all.

I was not blotted at all.

I'm super disappointed if you were.

I'm glad I didn't go.

No, I'm telling you, you get him away from you guys, and he fucking turns into a different guy.

There it is.

That's what I want to know, then.

Well, that's surprising.

Me neither.

It's about you.

With me, it's about Sunday Jeff.

That's why we had such fellowship.

All right.

What do you got?

Anyway.

Yeah, I mean, I guess I can ask you this, Q.

What Miundis was Sunday Jeff wearing?

Lip prints?

Did they have lip prints or did you just leave those off naturally?

They were white before.

These Valentine's?

What's going on with these?

Yeah, Miundis.

Let's talk about Myundis.

They're here to change your underwear.

Not literally, that would be against the law.

But it's here to change the way you think about it, Q, your panties.

Myundis believes they should be soft, fit every booty like it was made for every booty, and offer fun patterns, the freedom to express yourself.

Just got the pizza ones.

Yeah.

Yeah, I like them.

You know I like pizza.

I do.

And that's like my underwear.

They speak for me.

I haven't got to say anything.

Walking, parading around the house.

Deb sees them.

She's like, you must want some pizza.

Yeah.

They also believe that every woman should have the freedom to wear whatever cut they want.

This offer not available in the Middle East.

In whatever color they want, whatever size they want.

So ladies rejoice.

The feel-free collection is here.

Five new silhouettes on every body type queue with an ultra-soft feather light waistband that provides zero restriction.

Oh my God.

Offered in sizes small to 4X.

That covers just about everyone.

New prints drop every Tuesday.

And they don't just have undies.

Walt.

They have super soft and comfy onesies for loungewear.

Perfect.

For, well, lounging.

I'm just reading what the copy is telling me to read.

One or two personal anecdotes.

Well, we heard about yours at the Kiss concert.

Pizza one.

It's pretty sexy.

You or your pizza ones, all right?

Check that box.

And they have a great offer for listeners.

A great offer.

A great offer for listeners.

For any first-time purchasers, you get 15% off in free shipping.

This is a no-brainer, especially since they have a 100% satisfaction guarantee.

So to get 15% off your first pair of free shipping and 100% satisfaction guarantee, you go to meundis.com/slash T-E-S-D.

That's meundis.com/slash T-E-S-D.

You got your fucking personal endorsement, Myundis.

Get off my back.

We went to me and Mary Beth and Sage went to a kids' party recently.

First, like

interaction with other like parents at the school and like their kids.

So it was like some little kids' birthday party.

She was having a Descendants 3

a Descendants 3 party, which is a Disney movie, and I guess they were going to watch Descendants 3 on TV or whatever.

And when we first got there, this is interesting.

The hosts, it was a little girl, she was like 13, and her parents,

name was Brian, and her name was Mary Beth, except he spelled his name with an I and she spelled her name with a Y.

That's it.

That's the story.

Would that

you guys be blazing before that party?

Much like better believe it, much like that's the kind of shit I had to hear.

I was like, oh my God, wake me up from the suburban nightmare.

Get the fuck out of here.

Why are there no drugs?

Why is no one else blazing?

Yeah, we went to the

concert.

We went to the party, and it was odd.

I'm not used to interacting with other parents and

that kind of situation.

And

the guy,

dude, they have so much shit at this house.

I was telling Q, I was like, they have an in-ground pool.

They have a tiki bar.

They have a whole little picnic area, huge backyard.

They have this inflatable screen so they can show the descendants on it.

And

huge house, nice house, four kids.

I'm just like, where the fuck?

Why am I the only one who can't figure out how to do this?

I'm like, what do you

do?

He's like, oh, I install landlines.

I'm like, what?

Like a landline for Fios.

I guess he used to.

He used to install landlines.

He doesn't anymore now that they have electronics.

So what do you say you do?

How do you.

You know what?

I just had this conversation.

I had a conversation with the other other day.

She's like, you know, he says nothing a lot, and it doesn't seem to get a good reaction.

No, I used to think like, like, if you're like, oh, I'm a podcaster, it sounds so fucking stupid.

Like, oh, I do a podcast.

It's like, okay.

But if I can say that to someone, like, oh, I'm a podcaster, and I make enough money to live from that podcast, fuck you.

That's what I do.

I'm a podcaster.

That's it.

I don't have to be fat.

I'm never going to be a doctor or a lawyer or any of these other things that people consider like

respectable or difficult to attain or necessary.

It takes training or skill.

Or education.

Anything that people are looking for an employee, I don't really have.

So that's it.

So

why did it take so long for you to get this Zen attitude?

Because I ran out of trying to dress it up in other ways.

I'm like, fuck it.

Here's what I do.

But again, this guy,

Mary Beth is like, well, maybe his wife is a doctor, you know, like all fucking feminist and shit.

And I'm like, maybe so, bitch.

Let's find out.

What was she?

She worked the graveyard shift at UPS.

That's exactly.

She's shorting packages.

It must be an awesome job.

Yeah, it's a good job.

The stuff these people had, or at least had before I left, you know, after taking a shortcut through their house.

My favorite moment, though, was like we're standing around with the group of people, people, and they're like drinking wine and shit,

getting blotted.

And they're talking about kids.

Mostly people who have kids want to talk about their kids and the shit their kids do and what a pain in the ass their kids are.

And this conversation sort of revolved around the difficulty in finding kids' clothes.

And so they're talking about it and talking about it.

And they're talking about shopping at Target for their kids' clothes.

And at one point, some lady goes, oh,

I don't like Target.

You know, it's just, it's so hard to find age appropriate.

And I was like, you're telling me because Mary Beth is standing right there next to me.

The joke is meant that I'm a guy who's twice her age.

Right.

And I'm back.

So she's assuming, though, you're talking about stage, though.

I mean, you're thinking

you're on stage in front of TSD listeners.

Yeah, I'm not.

It turned out I was not.

Yeah, you're right.

You're right about that.

Because there was a like, what does he mean?

And then like this awkward beat of like,

I don't think he knows what he just said.

Meanwhile, I know exactly what I just said.

And I'm like, I just want to entertain myself.

I don't care.

And her.

So you people don't understand.

I showed up to this children's party high.

And when they were talking about their dumb kids' clothes, I was like, all right, we'll just see about this.

Let me throw in something awkward.

Oh, and the other good part was like they were talking about all this,

like,

just boring shit.

And so I brought up something sort of dark.

And the guy's like, what?

And I was like, yeah, this guy, you know, hanged himself.

But it worked because it led him into telling me some dark shit from like his family, you know.

Then it got a little interesting.

You told him you're.

I told him, yeah.

I told him that story.

Yeah.

You're like, let's flip over some rocks.

Let's see what rolls out.

Here I am.

I don't want to hear

a tale of woe.

Why would you tell that at a fucking birthday party?

Because he was holding it.

That's why you're like, why are you?

Hey, when your family's gone, why are we hanging out?

That's one of the reasons.

But I wouldn't show up all blazed.

This is why I can't bring him a kiss.

I mean, I know why he isn't getting these kisses.

That was every question.

Why the fuck am I not getting it, though?

You know what?

You might be right.

What?

I'm getting fucking...

You get linked in with him.

Yeah, that's not fair.

you are right i know how to fucking carry myself in a room you know what i just be quiet i carry myself to the corner i shut up

don't talk to anyone i may owe you an apology

may

may may oh you've been perfecting the apologies i know really good you don't really apologize a lot do you i'm getting ready no i'm ready because he's he's so he's so good but he's so good at not digging a grave for himself now

What do you mean?

Well, I mean, if you watch Jokers,

he's he's very careful about the type of humor he puts out there.

I've seen the Joker Show.

He doesn't look like he's that concerned about it.

That was the old Joker show.

That was like a triple title.

I've heard

that line so many times about the live shows all for fucking kids, and it's never seemingly for kids, though.

Oh, it's not for kids.

They talk about blowjobs all day long.

Oh, it's on the tickets.

All right.

16 plus.

Okay, so you've changed that now.

Why do you think it's always been that way?

Okay, but you did that, though, so you could get a little bit more

walk that line where you you could tell blowjob jokes.

Yeah, we just think that it's

almost exclusively blowjob jokes

an hour and a half.

How do you guys work in blowjob jokes?

We, I don't tell blowjob jokes on stage.

How does that work?

Where that came from?

I just can't even imagine how that pops.

Oh, you guys are talking about blowing each other, or you're talking about

it from.

We don't tell you.

You know,

is that like one of the punishments that didn't get filmed or something?

Oh, I got filmed.

Should I say Tom Sue name or am I getting an apology?

You know what?

Also, we have to talk about my bookie before we leave.

Well, I got another ad.

Another ad.

Two ads.

You believe this?

Oh, oh, wow.

Talk gambling.

I feel, in retrospect, given your feelings on the matter, being clear to me, I probably should have called and invited you to the Kids concert.

All right.

I honestly just didn't think you'd want to go.

You're right in that.

I wouldn't have went.

But you have said to me in the past, it would be nice to be invited and to be able to say no.

And I have, and I, and I dropped, you know what?

I should have you dropped out.

You dropped the ball.

Yeah, I did.

All right.

But you know what?

That's what, you know, friends, they let bygones be bygones.

I make you this promise.

Okay.

I will never see Kiss again without calling you first.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Without calling you first.

All right.

All right.

He just wants the invitation to decline.

Can you at least give him that?

That's all I want.

He's already known the guy.

That's all I want.

And you know, it's like the perfect,

you know, it's just all you got to do is, hey, just a text.

You want to go see Kiss?

You know, you don't even need to wait for the answer.

Yeah, you know, it would be no, so it'd be all right.

You're right.

I agree with that.

You know, if I got back to you at all,

I always get back to him.

Yeah.

I've been getting back to you.

I haven't.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, ever since you pointed that out to me,

I don't let a text go by without answering.

Except the one where Walt texts you, he's like, Do you think you'll be seeing Kiss anytime soon?

I have a,

I want to

sneak preview something for the Ants because that beer company that I started, we're having a launch party on Staten Island on September 21st.

I don't want to go.

There's the wall, you know.

But I'll tell you who is going.

Sunday, Jeff?

Probably.

It's going to be the launch party's, it's like an Oktoberfest type thing.

And

there's time tickets that you can come in.

And there's special guest bartenders.

Who do not look like the girls you see in Oktoberfest with the heaving bosoms and all that?

I know they're

not the special guest bartender.

You have special guest bartenders.

Can you reveal who they are?

What's up?

I can tell you one is Sal.

Oh.

I can tell you one is John.

Is he a real bartender?

Because he owned the bar, right?

Yeah.

One will be Brian Johnson.

He's not a real bartender.

Well,

it's just beers.

I'm going to quickly take a class before then.

Five days and a thousand dollars so I can pour beer.

And a few other people that have,

I haven't talked to you about announcing that they'll be there.

Okay.

But it's going to be a big day.

And no announcements have gone out yet.

But the website to get the tickets is Rubsonandhorman.com.

That's the name of the beer company.

Say it again.

Rubson and Horman, R-U-B-S-A-M,

and H-O-R-R-M-A-N-N.

And the only reason that I'm telling this to the ants early is because I don't even know how, but people already found out about it and have started buying tickets.

And they're selling pretty good.

So I don't want, because Brian and I were also talking about doing like a four-color demons thing at it and stuff like that.

And I haven't put anything together announced yet, but I just wanted to say: if you think that's something you want to do, I want you guys to know because

I want it to be there.

Okay.

I don't want it to just be, you know.

Now, this is you own this solely, right?

This is your, you own this 100%.

This is your brewery.

This is mine.

Yeah.

This is so.

This is a big thing for you.

Like, this, if this, if this,

you know, were to pick up, you could like challenge like

Budweiser or

Busch.

So the word, the word is micro brew, even in my winner.

For the time being, but it's a really cool story.

It was a company that opened in Staten Island in 1888 and went out of business in 1950.

And I'm bringing the company back to life.

It's a whole cool history thing that I don't want to spend time on right now.

But will minorities be allowed to drink the beer or will you be holding to 1888 standards?

No, no, no.

Encouraged.

Oh, yeah.

Encouraged.

So go get your tickets for everyone.

I'm just saying if you're, you know, I just want the answer to to know about it before anybody else.

Okay.

Now, will you trust his judgment as a bartender to like cut somebody off if they're like, if they're drinking too much?

Or like, how much responsibility would he have?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm like, did you see how fucking wasted that guy was?

Where'd he go?

Oh, he's like, I'm driving away.

Q, I think you might be in trouble.

I'm fine.

I have insurance.

I'm fine with this.

You didn't get far at all.

It's going to be good.

And I will say, like, everybody's bartending for, like, we're selling like time tickets.

Like, everybody's bartending in like an hour and a half, two hours.

Johnson was the only one that was like, I'll do it all day.

He's like, I'll do it.

I want to do it all day.

It's going to be fun.

I don't think he will.

No.

But he did say that.

So

he'll lose interest with things.

Well, now we're starting to try and do it.

He'll be over in the corner telling fucking people about how his family, one of his members of his family, hung himself.

It's fine.

That's why I want ants there.

Because they will catch it up.

They'll eat it up.

You're going to want to take a swig before I tell you this next story.

So it's going to be September 21st on Staten Island.

And there's a lot of details to come that I'm not going to give now, but I just want the ants to have that episode there.

Nice.

So

I thought that would be a good rate.

Oh, yeah, definitely.

I think so.

I don't know how people found that.

I guess that, because we have an Instagram link and stuff.

Yeah, I guess people found it and started doing it.

Are you guys into

it?

This is one of the the things I didn't want to tell, but I'm super excited.

I designed the label, and this hidden Tell them Steve Dave.

Ooh,

if you look at the street names and stuff, there's Tell them Steve Dave hidden jokes on the label on every bottle, every bottle and can.

Well, we're only doing cans at first, but yeah, every can.

Makeup collectors' items

until they make me take it off.

It's on this.

Do you guys like MMA?

Yeah.

I was thinking about it.

it.

We were talking, I can't remember what I was talking about, MMA with the other day, but I'm like,

if you're fighting someone and like you're on the ground and they fly into you with their knee in the side of your head or on your neck,

was there any age where you're like, I'd like to be a part of that?

No.

Yeah, me neither.

I don't even like,

I respect MMA.

Like, I know, let me get that clear.

Yeah, let me get that out of there.

And I like some of the personalities involved, but I don't enjoy watching people hurt other people.

Beat on each other.

That's why I've never gotten to boxing because I'm just like,

I don't like seeing people get hurt.

I'm not to pugilism.

Now, the NFL has such a

black eye regarding the concussion problems.

How the hell are the fighters who do this MMA not having going to have the CTE

problems?

I think it's because society only cares about certain things and fuck everything else.

And there's an approved list of things you could be outraged about and MMA is not on it.

What about you, Walt, MMA?

I mean, I've seen when I've been in restaurants, it's been on TV.

Yeah, it's just like, it's not for me either.

Sal took a big chance on getting me into MMA.

He was like, come on, we're going to go watch this fight.

Gonna go watch this fight.

We were in L.A., dragged me to a bar, paid to get into the bar, got into a crowd.

Everybody packed.

Fight was over in 30 seconds.

I was like, what the fuck are we doing here?

Why?

It took me longer to walk from the car to the front door than this fight took place.

Time to turn around the second you did it.

He loves it, but that was my one shot at MMA, and it didn't stick.

Well, I'm glad you guys are so into it because

at mybookie.com, you can place bats.

And if you want to stake in the middle of the business.

Oh, this is for sponsor?

Yeah, this is for a moment.

Oh, I love MMA, man.

That's what I thought, right?

Is there anything like watching a dude get brain damaged?

Yes.

Oh, I thought you said NMA.

Oh, you thought I was talking about Molly.

That's MMA.

Right.

That's why you're not into it.

Sal took me to a bar, gave me Molly.

I got high for 30 seconds, and I was like, that wasn't my That Molly stunk.

Yeah.

MMA.

Wow.

Okay.

Now that all that confusion is cleared up, Walt, I'm assuming the same story goes for you.

Nate Diaz is back in the...

This is going to have to really appeal to MMA people.

I don't know who these guys are.

Daniel Cormier defends his UFC heavyweight title against stipend.

Am I so sick?

Is this time sensitive?

So, like, if you're saying this,

is it going to, like, if you put this?

Don't ask me, that's the ad lady.

Coming out in like in a couple weeks, will it be past the time?

No, no.

no, okay, no, this one won't.

All right, um, there's Nate, there's a whole bunch of stuff they're telling you that if you're not into MMA, you would not know these names.

But here's what you do need to know: my bookie has better bonuses and more MMA odds than any other sports book, period.

Plus, well, it's almost football season, and nobody does game day better than my bookie.

I know you've lost a lot of money in football, like in excess of $300,000.

Wait, hold on, I'll cut that out.

You know, bet on the Patriots again, Q.

They just got their

star-wide receiver just got off the suspended list.

He was doing too much hashish,

and they suspended him.

But now he's eligible to play again.

So, look, Brady is in the hunt for ring number seven.

But

don't if you bet on the clear winners, you're not going to make much money.

Well, it's called the spread.

So, the Patriots will have to win by a certain amount of points,

which they more often than not do.

I mean,

if you were to bet on every Tom Brady game in his career,

like let's say you just bet $1,000 on every game,

you would probably be a millionaire.

Really?

Yeah.

I bet you would be a millionaire.

You'd be interested in Walmart back in 84.

Yeah, because the fact of how many times he's won by the spread.

Of course, there's times he didn't, but I bet you if you averaged it all up and you added it all up, I bet you you'd be well into the black.

Does he really own the prudentials out there?

Yeah.

You and Hugh.

Yeah.

What are they doing?

Oh, my bookie.

This year they're hosting the first online handicapping super contest.

First place is guaranteed to win at least $100,000 and only costs $100 to enter.

Pick five NFL games against the spread every week.

Climb leaderboard and score your share of the huge cash prize.

All right.

I'm so happy the football is back.

It's been a fucking cesspool of television since it's gone.

Oh, it's sports stink.

Yeah, sports stinks

without football to watch.

Right.

They're saying here, and I believe them, my bookie is always the right play.

You bet, you win, they pay.

And you get up to $1,000 first deposit bonus, double your first deposit.

Wait,

up to $1,000 first deposit bonus, double your first deposit.

I don't know what that means, but go ahead.

It's all in the fine print.

Yeah, you can read it there.

Just, you know what?

Go sign up and bet some money.

Use promo code TELLSTEVE to activate the offer.

Visit my bookie online today.

That's M-Y-B-O-O-K-I-E.

And don't forget to use the promo code TELLSTEVE.

So they got the promo code wrong?

It really is Tell Steve?

It says Tell Steve.

Yeah.

I think they just wanted it shorter than the whole title, maybe.

Steve Dave's usually better.

I don't know.

My bookie.

They're too busy counting the fucking money that they're making.

You know?

We're paying out.

Yeah.

We're paying out, hopefully.

Is it legal in every state?

I don't know.

Yeah.

We should make a bet.

You want to make a bet?

Let's make bets.

Once football season starts, we'll make some some bets.

All right.

And when you go there, all you have to do is bet, win, and get paid.

Catching.

Mm-hmm.

Promo code TellSteve.

Mybookie.com.

All right.

What else?

Is that it?

Is that it?

Oh, I saw I had a little fat news.

Time it.

I don't know, though.

Yeah, I don't know.

We've been going an hour and 15 minutes.

This will take way too long.

I wrote a couple things down.

Man, that was crazy, that Brian, Mary, Beth, Brian, Mary, Beth situation.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.