#416: Rock and Roll Fantasy

Tell them Steve Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave, broadcasting from the beautiful shared universe podcast studio.

Hey, the AC's working.

It's 100 degrees out.

AC's working.

We got, let me shut this door.

Feeling fairly comfortable in here?

I think so.

Yeah.

I mean, this is the, if you're in Jersey and you want to record a podcast, no bullshit.

This is the place to come.

This is the place to come.

I agree.

I agree.

It's literally the only podcast studio, probably, right?

I know.

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know if anyone's doing it.

I like doing it all the time.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah, it's a good time.

And it's that you have that.

If we weren't getting raked over the coals by our friends every time we want to fucking record, I'd say we just do it all the time.

And prices went up again, I guess.

And I also like the fact, don't you, too?

Like, there's that safety net.

Like, we don't have to worry about it.

Oh, did it record?

Like, that little bit of fear in the back of your mind?

Like, did something go wrong?

Yes.

Well, it still could.

I'm looking at our engineer over here.

Who knows?

We got the cat's tail on the table, though.

The cat's tail.

Is that what that is?

Okay, when you're talking cat's tail earlier, that's just the mic that I guess will it's the backup mic.

Yeah, but that could essentially record us without these mics, I think.

Really?

That powerful, right?

You heard it?

Yeah.

Yeah, I've heard it.

Wow.

Cat's tail cue.

Yeah.

We're learning a lot.

We're learning shit.

And we just recorded

the first ever I Buy Comics.

I had a great time.

It's pretty eye-opening.

You were great.

It's a shame it's going to Patreon because I would like to see you guys on iTunes shoot to the number one position on comic book.

You could definitely do it.

If you cleaned it up,

you're like, just subscribe.

But I don't know if we would get the.

I don't know because there's so many beloved comic book podcasts out there.

They have their hardcore listeners.

I think they would be like, oh, look at it.

He's like trying to weasel in with his star power.

Yeah.

Take a slice of that pie.

Yeah.

We got to earn it.

I'm a real comics fan, man.

I know, but I think we could.

I think we've been putting in it over decades.

Yeah, but we would.

So you're saying time.

You're not going to count all the time you put into the other podcasts.

Well, it's not just about buying.

Just because you buy comics doesn't mean you could pot about comics.

That's true.

Although we do have a lot of experience with potting, too.

If you really put together, it seems like it would be a strong point for us.

Yeah, I don't think anybody would really have the grounds to be like, who are these two?

But let's see how people respond to it.

And in the industry,

and in the industry, both of you.

Yeah, but look forward in the winter cycle.

Winter cycle.

Winter cycle.

We'll have three episodes of it.

Yeah, a once-a-month podcast.

Yeah, and I'm already looking forward to the next one.

To see you excited about it

is cool.

If I have to listen to a comics podcast, I buy comics is the one I expect.

We're going to put that on as the little blurb,

like Stephen King recommends.

Right, right,

Clive Barker, whatever, Brian Johnson.

If I have to listen to a podcast, I want it to be I Buy Comics.

Parentheses, because I'll make money from it.

It's true.

Oh, boy, what a weekend we had, Q.

Yeah.

You and I.

Metal.

A very metal weekend, Walt.

Yeah, I know.

I heard.

Want to see some Iron Maiden.

I've never seen Iron Maiden before.

Great show.

Really good show.

Super tough.

Did you like Maiden guy?

No?

No.

No, I was familiar with, I think, the same hits that everybody is, but

call me a fan after the show.

So, what made you say, like, I want to see the show?

I just think they're iconic.

I have the pinball machine in my basement.

I was like,

I just think that dangerously close to being a poser.

Really?

Well, I didn't go in there pretending that I knew more about that.

What would you wear?

No, no, no.

I don't mean that night.

That's why you felt you had to go to the concert.

Yeah.

I want to experience the spectrum.

And Iron and I thought you meant that night.

He was dangerously close to being beat up for being a poet.

No, I wore a

Golden Girls shirt actually to the show.

What did you think of that when you pulled up and you saw

it?

It was zombie Golden Girls.

Yeah.

That made all the difference.

For being a fiend.

Yeah.

I liked that.

I was like, where'd you get that shirt?

I thought it was appropriate.

But what if it was just a normal Walmart Golden Girls t-shirt and you got out of the car and you met Q in the parking lot, you're ready to go in?

Would you have been like, you got to go back and change that shirt?

Probably, yeah.

Or cut the sleeves off, maybe.

Or like draw like a swastika on the rose's head.

Something to metal it up just a little.

If only the problem was that I embarrassed Brian.

Really?

Quite the opposite.

I was

driven to humiliation at order

in order of the night.

By my metal hip friend over here that I had to fucking have an embarrassing aside with.

You really had to pull him aside?

It was bad.

He didn't want me to bring it up at the table, which I did anyway

what table we went out to dinner oh okay went out to dinner beforehand we met my friend eric uh lederman for for dinner no that's what he told me he's like uh oh before the show we're gonna go into the city we're gonna meet my my friend for dinner my friend he's awesome you gotta meet my friend my friend my friend

but what i didn't know is it was just not just his friend it's his friend and his friend's wife and then a kid and then another lady and another guy.

All these people come to dinner.

So when when I go there, you know, I'm like, oh, okay, I know they were coming, but I go to meet them.

And I say hello to the lady and the girlfriend, the kid, I didn't care about.

And then the guy, I was like, hey.

And he's like, hey, nice to meet you.

Shake hands.

My name's Dave.

All right.

So we leave, we go to the restaurant.

Yeah.

He didn't say that.

And they're, and they're all, he said, Dave.

And then they're all, they're all, everybody's talking.

I'm at the one end of the table and I'm kind of like listening.

They're not including me in any conversation.

That's not true at all.

That's not even close to true.

All right, I talked a little bit, and then I lean into Q and I ask him, like, I ask him, he goes, Who is that?

Who's Dave?

He looks familiar.

Well, I was like, he, what does he do?

Because they keep talking about the tour, Iron Maiden.

Like, he and Eric, like, Eric seems to be an authority on metal.

Oh, yeah.

Like, he knows a lot about metal.

Metal's his thing.

And this other guy knew a lot too.

And the way they were talking, and they were like, he was down in Brazil

at some show and blah, blah, blah.

And

so I turned to Q and I'm like, what exactly does he do with those guys?

And I said,

that's Scott Ian from Anthrax.

And what I thought.

The guy told me his name is Dave.

He's fucking Scott Ian.

He's got the little fucking, like, he's got the little ears.

I said to him, I was like, because my exact words, I was like, what?

That's Scott Ian from Anthrax.

He looks exactly like Scott Ian from Anthrax.

I mean, exactly.

I'm like, it's insane.

I I kept looking at him.

I'm like, it looks just like him.

No, he doesn't tell me.

And I'm trying to say when we're going to dinner, he doesn't tell me anyone extra is going, let alone the guy from Anthrax.

Dude, I thought you would show up and see Scott Ian and be like, holy fuck, it's Scott Ian.

Are you friends with the guy from Anthrax?

Oh, you know, I've met him once or twice, but he was there because of Eric.

He wasn't there because of me.

Oh, he wasn't there because of it.

You don't really know him, though?

No, we did.

You would think they did because they got along.

By the end, they bonded.

Oh, my God.

You should have took me.

I love Anthrax.

You could have gone.

You were not there.

You would have have said no.

You did say no.

I didn't say no.

You didn't tell me, though.

I didn't know he was coming at that point.

I think you could have sit down.

I didn't know he was coming at that point.

Because I would have been like, I would have impressed you as he embarrassed you.

I would have been like, I know Anthrax.

Even if he said, my name is Dave.

He didn't say his name is Dave.

Dude, do you know how hard it is to say, like, to give the information that's Scott Ian of Anthrax without Scott Ian finding out when he's right next to you?

Like, I had to whisper to him low enough for him to hear, but so Scott wouldn't hear.

I would have been just like, even if the guy said, hey, I'm Dave, and I'm like, you're an anthrax, I would have said, I said, you're an anthrax.

I'm a huge fan.

I have every one of your albums.

I worship among the living.

I mean, the album, and I love the new one.

I love the new album.

They're great.

I bought the new album because you recommended it.

That new album is so fucking good.

It's great.

They brought the old singer back, Joey Bellagonna.

I would have impressed you, bro.

That would be the only time I'd ever impressed you.

No, you impressed me a lot, but this is...

Is that dinner table full of strangers?

You know, I can't.

Well,

just the fact that you're after a table full of strangers

already.

But, yeah, man, I was like, oh,

he's a metal guy.

And Nels was a...

How did you fucking not say that?

Well, I brought it up to him.

I said, you know,

I told him what I just told you.

I said, I thought that you were the guy, but when we met, it sounded to me, because we're outside, it's New York, so it's real loud.

What was he wearing?

And then he was like just in jeans.

Black t-shirts.

He was in a black t-shirt.

Yeah, his typical metaly kind of guy.

Yeah.

Maybe a piercing.

Small guy.

Little dude.

Not grotesquely.

No, no.

A lot of musicians are.

He was a shorter guy.

Yeah.

Aren't they really?

Statuesque.

That was a joke.

That was an inside joke for Jay Sarge.

Oh,

damn.

That was good.

That was good.

I didn't catch it.

Yeah, and his wife is this tall, beautiful blonde.

It was like, oh, yeah.

Yeah, it was cool.

They were cool.

They were really nice.

They were really nice.

Yeah.

And even after a lot of them, like the Hate Breed, the lead singer of Hate Breed, super, like, like, you get them off stage and like they're just so sweet and nice guys.

Like, that's a lot of people say about me.

Yeah.

So, what did you do when you pulled him aside?

What'd you say?

Well, no, that's the thing.

I was sitting in between him and Scott Ian, so I had to be like, dude, Scott Ian from Anthrax.

And, you know, luckily I said hello enough.

Then Brian did what he did, and

he made fun of it and normalized the whole thing.

Can you send that to Victor so he could put it in the video?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, it's just a Didier.

Yeah, it's right.

You guys have the same color beard.

Yeah, mine's just a little bit bigger.

And then something happened at dinner that I was like, I went to ask him about that.

I was like, let me ask Telsu Dave.

What happened between you and Mary Beth when she went to order a drink?

Because you got so angry at one point.

She just won't fucking pick a drink.

She has a very hard time with it.

She looked like she had a problem the night before when we were filming something.

One option.

One option.

She couldn't keep her eyes open.

She was so fucking drunk.

She was all wasted and shit.

All I know is, like,

the waitress was asking, like, what do you want to drink?

And she couldn't get an answer out.

And you were looking at her.

Because she's like, what are you having?

And I'm like, it doesn't matter.

Like, what do you want?

Do you want to drink or not?

But she has such a difficult time when so many options are presented.

Plus, she has like the same as you with the social anxiety.

She doesn't

the group of, I guess so.

I mean, is that what it means now?

Like, you're autistic if you don't like to interact with people.

I thought she handled herself well.

Like, she wasn't.

She's quiet.

She's quiet, but she's not uncomfortably like, who's the fucking sack?

I'm I'm like, going here quiet.

That's your boyfriend.

Okay, because I mean, you didn't overreact.

You weren't like, doctors, boo.

No, you were like, then we'll drink water.

And I'm like, I'm like, because I'm like, I don't know what you want.

Fucking stop trying to get me to make these decisions for you.

What do you want to drink?

And then just order it.

So they had a water.

But she's holding the waitress up.

So I'm like, we'll just have water then.

I don't give a shit.

I don't want to drink anyway because I'm trying to save some calories.

She didn't care.

She didn't care.

She didn't I think like that in front of Scott.

No, it wasn't.

It wasn't like.

Oh, yeah.

It was like, oh,

overly dramatic eye rolls.

What a dumb pitch, right, Scott?

It's a madhouse.

Be safe.

That's a cred back when I sang that.

Yeah, so he was telling, Scott was telling some

stories of touring with Iron Maiden and Iron Maiden, they have their own jumbo jet that's wrapped and

he flies it.

What?

Yeah, like he's Scott Ian flies it?

I don't know.

Bruce Dickinson?

Bruce Dickinson, yeah.

So the lead singer is also the pilot on the plane?

Not every flight, but

he flies it.

Well, he's a commercial airliner for

airline flyer.

Wow.

I mean, that's that's

how do you get that insurance?

Right?

He's a leader.

He's a professional.

I know.

For commercial flights.

I would still be like after a long fucking tour, a hot, sweaty fucking concert, I wouldn't want the guy who just sang to be also the pilot of the plane.

I was thinking about that.

No matter how much cred he had, if we were going in a plane, I'd be like, this is kind of weird.

Because I know him personally.

I'm like, I know he's a little drunk.

Maybe not a lot.

It was funny, and his kid was cool, too.

He was like a cool character.

Because I was like, God, do you like Arnmaiden?

And he's like, yeah, I toured with him.

He knew a lot of shit.

The nine-year-old kid.

Like, he knew everything.

It was great.

He knew way more than I did.

Yeah.

So, so it was.

It was pretty shameful.

And I was like, God damn it.

Like you said, like, you're an anthrax.

I should have just said it.

Instead, I'm marveling at, like, you could be a dead ringer.

You're like his doppelganger, bro.

Like, I should have just fucking been like, are you Scotty?

Yeah, because it was a weird non-reaction on your part to meeting him that I was like, oh, like, I thought he was going to be like, ah, oh, my, you know, like, whatever, Dave.

Yeah.

I didn't think it would be like, whatever.

And then, like, he goes to smoke a vape.

I was like, I was like, oh, I thought he'd be excited, but it didn't turn out.

Maybe it's too much vaping.

Could be.

Oh, yeah, your eyes are a little crust.

Not by that point.

Definitely not.

Not by that point.

I don't even know if I'd vaped at that point.

And then the show was, I mean, excellent is the only word.

Who did they open up with?

Doctor Doctor?

Was there an intro song coming in?

It was

not,

it wasn't Ace as high.

That was the second one.

It was Two Minutes to Midnight.

They opened with Two Minutes to Midnight.

Where did they close with?

They closed with

what the fuck was the phone?

Oh, it was not run to the hill.

Run to the hills.

Yeah, yeah, you're right.

Run to the hills.

What about when number to beast comes on?

Did they go crazy?

Dude.

Like, it was unbelievable.

You can't even, you don't even know, dude.

I took pictures.

Like, it is the satanic

imagery is alive and well.

Look at this, dude.

Let me see.

Segram, 666, upside-down crosses.

Dude, that is

nuns with fetuses hanging out of their vaginas.

Well, not that high.

Inflatable planes.

Dude, the

30-foot head of Eddie as Satan with a pentagram on his forehead comes out from under the stage.

That's awesome.

And it's a puppet, so it starts looking left and right over the audience.

Putting on a show, huh?

Flames are coming on.

They're out kiss and kiss at this point.

Oh, they're out kissing kiss.

I mean, it looked unbelievable.

They really did.

It looked like a lot of money went into it, but there was a moment where I'm like, I know people love Eddie.

I know.

But he comes out and he's dressed.

That wasn't well done.

He's dressed in his soldier outfit, but he's like nine feet tall.

The trooper.

The trooper.

The trooper.

And he.

The actor is on stilts.

He's on stilts, obviously, but still required to

sword fight with Bruce Dickinson at a certain point.

Yeah, Bruce Dickinson is running around with this giant sword like half the show.

And he starts sword fighting Eddie for a pretty long time.

Too long.

For almost the whole song.

Too long.

But Eddie would run, and he would look down at Eddie, and then he'd come run back down.

They sort of fight a little bit more.

Bruce Dickinson, you mean?

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

Eddie moved like a Disney character, Mascot.

Like you're kids.

Like, and they can't really move, so they're like this.

They made Eddie look like a bumbling oaf.

Like, he was looking around, looking between his legs.

Like serious joint pain.

Yeah, he, Bruce Dickinson literally ran between his legs at one point to get away from him.

Like, it was very cartoony.

There were many things that were very cartoony about it.

Yeah.

Like the at the end of the show when they're doing the final like flames going up, the big explosion, like the finale at the fireworks, they have this giant box with the plunger on it and it says TNT.

It's like a Wiley Coyote movie.

It worked, but it worked.

It worked.

It worked.

Everything worked except for Eddie on the Stilts.

Eddie on the Stilts was the one.

It did not work at all.

We had really good seats, but we were not on the floor, which I was, I mean, could you be more thankful to not be on the floor?

If we went there and we were on the floor, I would have just been like, I can't see it.

No, we would have left.

Wall-to-wall people, there was a mosh pit, and these guys were committed.

And it made me think, I was like, all the clubs I've gone to, all the shows I've gone to, I've never moshed once.

Because I'm watching these guys, and I'm seeing people fall down.

But they have like a code, you know, where they like pick each other up.

If you fall down, they're not like, ah, I'm stopping each other.

Help each other up.

But I'm like, I just never wanted to catch an elbow elbow in the teeth or a lot of them.

It was happening a lot.

It was happening.

You would just watch it.

People would just get jammed in the face and stuff.

All guys, you know, pushing each other.

I saw a couple of girls.

Oh, did you?

And I was impressed that

the guys didn't treat them any different.

Like they were getting thrown around and stuff like that.

And the girls were in it thrown around.

How do you market

a girl and like

right in the teeth with your elbow?

I don't, because they're not looking.

They're not like, they're not looking.

Oh, their heads are down.

They're messed.

So the girls, they jumped right in, and the guy's great.

Welcome.

Come on in.

Yeah, a lot of stuff, you know, you go to concerts when you're young, and these aren't things that you observe really.

You're just like, I'm there, I'm seeing the band.

When you get older, it becomes far more of like a people-watching exercise.

Mostly to be like, I'm better than them.

Yeah, like, like, I'm the same age, but they're still, some of them

carry that mantle.

Oh, my God, with the leather and the long hair still.

And they're like, they're living it.

They're living that life.

I admire them for it.

I do.

I'm like, you guys found your niche.

And you stayed in it with a couple of ants in TST t-shirts came up to us.

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah, that was cool.

Seeing ants in the wild like that and not expecting to see them.

That's got to be neat.

Yeah, it was cool.

It was cool.

We had a really good time.

We got denied from a fancy room.

Fancier room.

We got like a VIP section, but there was like a V VIB section.

That's where Scott Ian was.

We were supposed to meet Scott there, but we weren't allowed.

We weren't allowed in, huh?

We weren't allowed in.

Yeah, and the guy who came out, like

Eric, he tried to, he was the one who set up the backstage stuff.

It wasn't really backstage as much.

It was sort of hanging out because we never saw the band.

Yeah.

Which I was fine with.

I wouldn't know what to say anyway.

They just wanted to.

And it was weird because the security guards.

I was like, after your showing at the dinner table with Scott Ian, I guess you were pretty happy that you weren't going to be able to get it.

Yeah, like while Iron Maidens whispering like that's the guy who didn't know who he was.

It was weird.

It was weird because the security guards of the Parkleys, they know me.

So I was like saying hi to them and stuff like that.

And And they couldn't let me back without this one guy's permission.

And the guy was being a fucking tool.

Unflappable.

He was.

You know,

we got an official apology from Trooper Beer.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

They wrote Eric an email and was like, well, you should have been let in.

We're sorry about that.

All that he's like, I know.

Like, he wasn't wrong.

They were expecting us.

It was just one guy who didn't get the memo, and then he wouldn't let us in.

And he happened to be the the guy.

Yeah.

But whatever.

You know, you need that.

Keep you humble.

Keep you humble.

Do we need it?

We just went back to the, and I felt that way.

Like when we were leaving, I was like, why are we going to a different room?

Because I thought there were pinball machines in it.

That's what Eric said.

There were.

There were, yeah, yeah.

And he wrote, Eric, my buddy, Eric wrote the script for the Iron Maiden pinball machine.

Like all the stuff that Eddie says in it.

He wrote it all.

That's why he was in.

Like, we were supposed to be in there and this one guy, I guess not a pinball fan.

Guess not.

He wasn't aware.

For me, the highlight of the concert, though, was about three-quarters of the way through.

Like I'm, I've never been, like, you go to a show, even when you were young, I've gone to shows with you.

We're not the guys who are like singing along and pumping fists and not like this, where it's like, like, guys are going crazy, right?

Until they take their shirt off.

Because a lot of guys take their shirts off, too.

I don't know if it's too hot or whatever, but the guy next to me.

Well, the guys who are taking their shirts off are the guys who can take their shirts.

I get my shirt on.

I'm not going to say why.

But yeah, these guys, like the guy next to me, was like 2% body fat, totally ripped comic book men fan.

Yeah, because if you got that physique, you want to get it out.

You want to, like, hey, man, I work hard for this.

I want to make sure everybody sees me without my shirt off.

Right, even though it's 98% guys,

check it out.

And I was looking at the girls that were in our group, and they were looking.

Right.

They were glancing.

glancing.

I caught all the girls that were with us at a certain point, like just doing the eye flick to them.

If I had a six-pack, I wouldn't go to work at the stash with a fucking shirt on.

Why?

Because you'd be unconscious?

I'll get lightweight, six-beer queer.

No, I thought I'd have six-pack abs.

Right, I know, I know.

You wouldn't go to work?

What would you do?

Michael Ming would knock him out and drag him in the basement.

Jesus Christ, that's what I thought you meant.

Am I so trained?

I guess so.

He's such a lightweight.

What would you do at home with your six-pack?

Just like, show your wife, just be like, check it out.

Remember?

Oh, yeah.

She's like, yeah, I remember.

I saw it in the other room.

Yeah, I would be out in the backyard.

Oh, like doing yard work and stuff.

Yeah, so the neighbors would see it.

I don't even do yard work at all, but I would go out and pretend.

Just get a rake or something.

Like, oh, hey, what's up?

Oh, this.

But so these guys next to me, the one guy's now shirtless, the other guy, and his friend, it's like two guys,

20s, like early 20s, I'd say.

And they're rocking out like crazy.

And there's another, like the row behind us, there's another guy.

Oh, this is awesome.

This is my favorite part.

Literally, aside from just hanging out with him the whole night, I'm like, this is the moment that I'm like, it would be great to like be a part of this.

I'm not a part of that, but you'll see what I mean.

So the guy behind him is also rocking out.

And i see from the side like that guy behind us his hand come through and he's like tapping the guy next to me the guy's going nuts like

crazy yeah like it's i can't remember what song it was but he's going nuts he's he's all over the place and so that he's he's like this and he's rocking out and the guy's like like he keeps tapping him and the guy's rocking out so hard i don't think he feels him at first and so he does it a couple more times and finally the guy turns around and like looks at him and the the guy who's doing the tapping he's like tapping tapping and then he's like and he starts playing air guitar.

Oh, my God.

The other guy's looking at him.

He starts playing air guitar.

The shirtless guy.

And they're playing their guitar together like if they didn't miss a fucking beat.

I'm like, what the fuck?

Like, well, if they don't know each other, if they haven't interacted the entire concert.

I would not, like, if I saw that, like somebody tapped me on the back and started playing air guitar for me,

I don't know what I would do.

And you'd be like, I'd leave.

I'm not sure of what I would do other than I would just be like, I've just turned around and just go back looking at the concert.

That's an awkward turn because that is.

It may not have tapped you, though, because you would be like the guy who would be like, who set this mannequin up in front of me?

And I was talking about it to Mary Beth today

about that moment.

I'm like, I'm just not that guy.

I was like, but you know who is Q?

Like, I guarantee if Q had like a couple of drinks in him,

he's a guy who would turn around and be like, fucking right.

I've been to New Orleans with him.

Ming would, too.

Yeah, Ming would, too.

Yeah, but I would be

more like you.

I'd be like, I don't know, what is everyone doing?

Like, I would do that thing with the dog.

Like,

like, you can't understand what's happening.

Yeah, I live.

Well, I mean, it's not like it was a supermarket.

You know what I mean?

Like,

it was

to play our guitarist, so I'd be like, check out those fucking cookies.

Yeah.

Yeah, but no, it's the mindset of like, I'm like, I don't know how to exist within a group like that where it's like sort of this

like singular hive mind where it's like, we're all fucking super into this.

Like, I watch it, but I don't feel the whatever they're feeling.

The connection isn't there.

The connection just isn't there.

It's always there.

Can't get away from it.

The disconnect.

It's just the way it is.

That's how it's always going to be.

No big deal.

I guess.

Yeah.

Yeah, it is, though.

It's interesting.

What do you miss out on?

This?

I don't know.

On the surface, it's that, but maybe it's something deeper that, like, we will never know.

We've had this.

It's a change before.

You have your version of that.

It's just not that.

It is your version of that.

You have it.

It exists in your world.

But the only way I feel connected with a group of people is if I'm sitting on a stage talking to them.

Like then I feel connected.

Like a Telum Steve Dave show, then I feel connected to them.

I know.

You're still disconnected.

That would be the biggest disconnect of all, dude.

Really?

Because I feel like we all have something in common,

although we've got something in common with Iron Mead and fans, too.

I don't know.

It's just

different.

Yeah, nobody's going to be doing this at a a podcast show, I guess.

And

the worst part of the concert was the guitar player.

What was his name?

Oh,

it was fucking what's his name?

Not Dave Murray, the other guy.

Dude.

Fuck, hold on.

Let me look it up.

I forgot his name.

This guy.

This was something else.

I mean, the way he acts on stage is so distracting.

He's had 40 years to hone his stage act.

And this is what he came up with.

Dude, he's doing like everything's this

ultra like fey like prancing feet yeah yeah

prancing around stage and like shaking his ass like you know doing this doing this weird

like he would do this thing where he'd put his foot on one of the speakers like which is about level with his nipples so his leg would be up high well maybe it's maybe like like rib cage his leg would be up high and he would just start rocking and like looking at the audience and he does it once he does it twice it got to the point where like he's stretching out he's like he's he would do it every every five minutes.

And, like, after a while, you just like, put your fucking leg down and play the goddamn guitar.

It was his move.

And it was like, it's not a great move, though.

It's not a great move.

And the skipping and the hopping.

So he's graceful.

No.

There's got to be a supercut on YouTube of this guy performing.

There has to be.

You'll throw it up on a bit.

See, I don't think he's an original guitarist, though.

I think this is the Janic Gers guy.

It wasn't Adrian Smith.

It wasn't.

He did it not remind you of Spinal Tap.

Definitely him.

This Janic Gers.

This guy would have fit in Spinal Tap.

This guy.

He would have.

I mean,

he had like white high tops, those skinny metal jeans from the 80s with the studded belt.

He's like a dinosaur.

It looked exactly like it might have looked in the 80s.

But that's not the only guy.

Like the drummer, the drummer looked like one of those nutcrackers that you see around Christmas time, where it's like you pull a handle on him.

He's played with his mouth open.

Yeah, but he had like these big white fake caps.

He looked like the bad guy in Die Hard.

Yeah.

The guy with the chainsaw that cuts the thing, huh?

Whatever the guy's name is.

Yeah, he did.

Bruce Digginson sounded good, looked good.

Dave, fucking amazing.

Dave Murray looks good.

He looks too amazing.

Maybe he had somebody underneath helping him.

Sweetening it.

Like, maybe he wasn't trying to Satan.

He wasn't trying for the high registers, though.

Like, he liked the screams, he kept them down a little bit, but everything else seemed pretty

spot on, yeah.

Dave Murray, the other guitarist,

he's aged as well.

He looks like one of those

plastic jack-o'-lanterns you buy around Halloween at Walmart or something, you know, like just like weirdly shaped.

Yeah.

I mean, they're old.

You know, they're still doing

kicking ass on this Tordo, man.

They are selling out all

30,000 seats in New York City.

Crazy.

And then the drummer, the drummer fucked it up.

It was great.

At the very end,

everyone's off the stage.

The encore is done with.

They all walk out, and the drummer sort of like lags behind.

He goes up to the mic, and he's like, he thanks everyone, And then he's like, you were better than last night's crowd.

And a whole bunch of people start booing because I guess they went both nights.

And I'm like, what did that add?

Like the time to do it is when you want to whip people up into a frenzy and use a different city.

Don't use like, hey, some of you who probably were here last night because you're huge fans.

You kind of sucked last night.

Today you're alright.

We've said that on stage and it never gets boozed.

Like that was an unusual one.

It's just a small faux pas, though.

He probably won't say that again in the next

one.

I think he's been saying that his whole career.

He's probably like, fuck these guys.

Yeah.

But good show.

I was very glad we went.

Good show.

Then we went back to Q's place and watched some TV.

Yeah.

Ordered some Papa John's.

That turned out to be a mistake.

Yeah, he got sick?

Oh, my stomach was so bad the next day.

Hey, one slice.

But it was a good night.

Fun night.

Well, it should have went.

Next time, you're never going to rub elbows with Scott Ian in your living room checking out your abs you got to get out there i can guarantee you the next time if i were to agree to go next time there'd be no scott ian yeah i know it well what if we went to an anthrax show uh i would like that yeah i would like that all right yeah i'm a big anthrax i feel like i can get us hooked up with that wait a second how so you're gonna go with him last summer i i the manager for uh slayer came in and got tickets to anthrax slayer and uh metal church and you had the opportunity to go yeah he would like to give me backstage pairs I gave them to you, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, I don't know.

I'm not a concert goer.

Well, he was a manager.

You could have went.

You just told him you'd go to an ant director.

You were saying that.

Oh, okay.

All right.

You know how it is.

Because it's not ever going to happen, so you're not really going to worry about it.

You know, I was thinking about Miundi's as I do.

I was thinking about it the other day.

And

if they ever go to TV, I don't know if they have TV ads.

I don't have TV.

I just have streaming services.

But if Miundi's does, they should option the saturday night the base city rollers like m-e-u-n-d-i-e-s hey right who would not like that who would sweep the goddamn nation uh

meundies is here to change your underwear not literally

all right but they believe undies should be soft fit every booty like it was made for every booty we allowed to get that blue here and other fun patterns that give you the freedom to express yourself

there's all sorts of new women's products People love that.

I love that Miundi is so woke.

They believe every woman should have the freedom to wear whatever cut they want, whatever color they want, whatever size they want.

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I think they're taking a shot at the guys here.

Offered in exercises extra small to 4XL.

It's got everyone covered.

All sorts of different prints and colors and this and that.

Super comfy on onesies and loungewear, perfect for lounging.

I got to motivate you, it says here.

One or two personal anecdotes.

Okay, well, why would I give you two if they're saying I could give you one?

So here's one.

I obsessively shave my nuts.

They're cut up.

It looks like basically somebody went at them with a cheese grater.

So since they're always so tender

and basically bleeding quite a bit,

I need something very smooth, like a micro-modal type fabric.

And where am I going to get that aside from Myundi's, right?

So there you go.

There's my personal anecdote.

If I didn't have this

mental issue where I need to attack my testicles, I don't know what it's due to, self-hatred.

I don't know.

Who knows?

Who knows?

Myundis Myundis are not psychologists.

They're not here to diagnose us.

They're just here to put a little something, something between you and your pants.

So here's a great offer for any first-time purchasers.

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Put your D D in some Myundi's.

Ladies, maybe you too.

Who knows?

Myundi's super woke.

Lady could have a D in those Myundis.

Go on now.

I was impressed with a religious guy, a preacher of one of those mega churches.

You know,

this pastor, what's his name?

Christian dating guru.

Religious relationship guru who became the driving force behind the evangelical purity movement.

Purity ringer?

Joshua Harris, yes.

Sold more than a million books called I Kissed Dating Goodbye.

I don't know what the book is about.

I don't know what the book is about.

But

you would expect that a guy who's

the head of the purity movement and all this other shit is going to get caught cheating, right?

He did not get caught cheating.

He said, you know what?

I was wrong.

I want a divorce and fuck Jesus.

That's what he said.

He's getting a divorce to fuck a dude named Jesus or Jesus, actually.

Sorry.

Is that how your people pronounce it, Victor?

So he's saying he no longer believes in God?

He's saying he's no longer a Christian.

He

is making significant.

There were significant changes that played a role in the breakup from his wife.

And I am not a Christian.

Put on 40 pounds.

Yeah.

How am I supposed to believe?

what kind of Jesus would let that happen due to how hot she was before this shit?

But I wasn't impressed because he said, fuck Jesus or broke up with it, divorced his wife.

I was impressed because he didn't get caught being a fucking hypocrite like so many do.

At least he came out and he's like, look, maybe it's for you.

It's not for me.

He evolved.

He evolved.

Or devolved, if you're speaking religiously.

But he evolved to, yeah.

He also repented his former views,

singling out the LGBTQ community.

So, wait a second.

So, do you think this is like, look, I was gay.

I am gay.

Always been gay.

That's why I want a divorce.

I don't know why I say he doesn't like Jesus anymore, but maybe the significant changes

where he's acknowledging,

though, for being like

for being like, this is what I am.

This is what I've struggled with, and I came out.

out.

But it's weird.

Like, usually when you hear that, they're not saying, they're not turning away from God.

They're saying, I have to redefine my relationship with God.

Like, I'm gay, but I still believe in God and stuff like this.

You're telling me, the info I'm getting from you is that he's saying, I don't even believe in this anymore.

He said, I don't even believe in any of this shit anymore.

Speaking of divorce, I have a

story about divorce.

Did you hear about one?

Oh, my God.

Your sad tone makes me think it's happening to you.

Walt, are you trying to trick us?

No, no.

What happened?

This is a crazy story.

I got through all of Ibu Comics when I'm hearing about this.

They didn't crack once.

Did you guys hear that in India they're outlawing something called

instant divorce?

You're killing your wife in a quote-unquote cooking accident?

No, it's something called instant divorce.

You can do it or can't do it?

You can't do it anymore.

They're just outlawing this now, and

it's called triple talak.

And it's a practice which a Muslim man can divorce his wife by simply uttering

talak

three times, and he's instantly divorced.

Well, if you can murder her for talking to her cousin without another guy around,

this does not surprise me.

But I want to know what, could you imagine if there was such a thing

in America where you could just say, like, you could just say a word three times and you're instantly divorced?

What would the divorce rate be like?

Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse.

A candy man, remember you say that three times, and he would appear?

So many couples would be divorced because they would say it in heated moments where they're like,

My wife says that to me, I immediately fuck another girl before she wants to reconcile.

Like, even if the window is like a half hour, she hasn't even said

she hasn't got the T out in the third talic.

Right.

I've already got my pants around my ankles.

I think there's a way to frame this as like that's a good thing.

Like,

I think all marriages should be at ways.

Is it a good thing?

But if we had instant divorce?

I think we should have instant divorce.

No, the girls, the women can't do it to the guys.

It's just the guys.

I don't think so.

I think it should be both ways.

And the woman gets nothing.

She's kicked out of the house.

He says, talek, tali, talik, but done.

Well,

she's got nothing.

I don't agree with you.

But could you imagine, though, if such a thing was...

She's unclean in divorce at that point.

But I would think we're lucky that we don't have that in America because I just think that we would take advantage of it.

I think that we would, as a society, it would just be nobody would be married anymore because, like Brian says, like, we wouldn't have

the self-control and in a fit of anger, we would just say it.

No, I think there are people that would do it, but I think that there are people who would.

I mean, I didn't change it.

You wouldn't do it.

Right.

But my wife,

she was so frustrated at me this morning because I didn't change the filters.

Yeah.

And she might have just said it, you know, and it would have to go off.

But the longer it takes her, she's like, Talek?

Talek?

But, you know, I mean, that would have to go through the lengthy process of getting remarried because she said it.

Maybe if there's a magic word that you say three times to rebuild the union.

There's a lot of magic words.

That's up to her.

It's all fucking nonsense anyway.

Too much magic, I think, could be a problem.

Is the law recognizing magic now?

Didn't I come up with the thing once?

Not that I came up with it.

Didn't I express the idea idea that marriages should be

every five years or whatever should be up for a car?

Yeah.

I think I firmly believe that's how marriage should be.

I think it would give people a sense of like,

even though it's that way anyway, if they knew like it was a lease of a car, like it's almost over and I'll just go through it until the lease is up.

Yeah.

Or they would be like, yeah, they'd be like, or you know what?

When it gets to it and you're thinking, it forces you to think about your marriage, right?

As it comes up four and a half years, you're like, what do I want to do?

Do I want to keep going?

Oh, you're going to put your foot on the gas to be flowers every day all the time.

Yeah, and like you're going to be nicer to each other, and then you're going to be like, do we still want to do this, honey?

Yeah, we do.

And then it's a beautiful moment.

But it changes the till death to us part line, though.

But that's changed anyway.

Divorces.

Divorce is that anyway.

Yeah, you're right.

This just makes it.

And it makes it less poetic.

And it's kind of a given when a Muslim woman has to answer that question, you know.

It's going to happen.

It's interesting, though, it's in India, not in a Muslim country, so you don't see Muslim countries outlawing this.

Well, what's the religion in India?

Great question, yeah, it's Hindu, yeah, it's not Muslim, it's not, no.

Oh, is that why they're always fighting with uh the other the all the other neighboring countries?

Well, no, they fight with Pakistan, which is a Muslim-dominated country.

So, what's the difference between

those to us,

not really to them, a whole bunch of shit, I'm sure.

What's all the problems?

What's going on over there?

What's the matter?

Could you imagine if these people were like, who gives a shit?

Can we just get along and be nice?

Yeah.

Wow.

So why?

Yeah, all right.

So they're outlawing it, and they're not even Muslim, though?

They're not Muslim, but I guess they're like, since we're not a Muslim-dominated country, you can't do these things.

Oh, so it's not really a big step then.

It's not like it's not like a

Muslim women who live in

India.

Oh, okay.

So it would be a bigger deal.

Like a Saudi Arabia was like, we're outlawing instantaneous divorce.

I got another marriage story now.

This one's a lot better.

This one's a lot fluffier than the instantaneous

divorce.

Just today or yesterday on live TV in Britain, a woman married a dog.

Oh, I saw the headline today.

I didn't read the article.

Or yesterday it was.

But she was tired of dealing with the dogs that men are, and she likes her real dog is a better partner for her.

You don't think that devalues marriage?

I was going to ask you that, because to me, I'm like, you know, I'm a dog lover.

Yeah.

Not like she is.

But I wonder, is that in some eyes, does that devalue marriage?

My first thing is that it devalues marriage.

Do you think so?

Well, it means something to me anyway.

It's a living being, though.

Can I interject real quickly?

It's not a roller coaster.

In India,

14% of the population is Muslim.

But when you're talking about a population of 1.3 billion, that's kind of a lot of people.

Yep.

Yeah, that's a lot of people.

1.3 billion people in one country.

Holy shit.

That's fucking insane.

How many people are in the United States?

Like, like

400 million, 360 million, something like that.

Oh, no.

360 to 400 would be my guess.

But what do you think about that dog?

Marrying the dog?

Yeah.

I'm sure that it's one of those things where, like, not every

marital privilege will be exercised.

It's like it's more of a

what's it called?

Symbolic.

Only 329 million people in the United States.

What do you think the

three words can have?

If everybody sent me a dollar

to get instantly divorced from a dogger.

Oh, that's a good one.

Yeah.

If you're branding, sure.

Maybe it's like Rover Turnover, Rover Turnover.

You know what I mean?

You got to say that.

That's pretty good.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm sure it's more of a symbolic thing that she's like, I'm so.

But has she gotten cheated on by every guy?

I think she's probably had

some bad run with her boyfriend or how'd she look?

Did she look like it was a suitable match to the dog?

What type of dog?

It was a collie, I think?

It was like one of those nice, smart dogs.

A dog you really take home to mom and dad.

Now, do you think doing it on live TV also is just a publicity stunt?

It's all bullshit.

Of course.

She wants some sort of viral shit.

She wants to be the shrimp bagel of Marion Dogs.

What's the responsibility of the network who broadcast that?

Should they take some flack for devaluing marriage?

For broadcasting it?

I think if you're holding the entertainment industry to any standard at all, you've got a real fucking problem on your hands.

Yeah.

Yeah, because I wouldn't really say it's devaluing or normalizing.

Is that right with the dog?

I think it's just a freak show that people

that it is.

I don't think it's.

Q, Q, things go bad for you.

You're in a bad streak.

Yeah.

How's the cat looking?

The cat's pussies.

These pussies.

You get some tax breaks?

The cat looks like something to me that I can't fuck.

So why on earth would I marry?

But what about those sweet tax breaks in New York?

There are no such thing as tax breaks in New York.

I mean,

but a married couple maybe has more write-offs than a single guy, right?

I don't know.

I heard that getting married is not as

profitable in terms of taxes as people would think.

Some loopholes when you marry the cat, though.

They're going to eat the same shit every night.

You don't even have to worry about what's for dinner, right?

You do have to clean her shit up out of the litter box all the time.

Well, that's going to happen with any bride.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, so you always don't have to do anything different.

Helen, go clean it.

Go clean my bride's poop.

It doesn't matter how promiscuous she was prior to you.

You can't catch feline AIDS.

Oh, yeah.

That's right.

But would you hold it against her?

Yeah, she's like, I had four litters before I married you.

She's two.

Half of them died.

I ate the other half.

Yeah.

I feel like this woman marrying a dog, man,

if I was like a big marriage guy, pro-marriage guy, I'd be like, come on, man.

You can't do this.

The sanctity of marriage, how are we doing this?

It just means nothing.

It just means nothing at this point.

If we're marrying roller coasters and dogs, it just means nothing.

Yeah.

Unless it means something to you.

It means something to her.

It doesn't need to mean anything.

You're capable, right?

Or you're not capable, but

you're able to marry people, right?

Aren't you a minister?

Yes, I am.

When somebody came to you, was like TSD listener, was like, I want you to perform a marriage ceremony with my dog and me.

Would you do it?

You already got married once.

Kidding?

What are you talking about?

Can't repeat ourselves.

Some lady wants to marry her dog.

Or a dude.

Or a dude wants to marry a dog.

Yeah, now, is it sexist to think that, well,

are you a little bit more leery of a dude marrying a dog than a woman?

Dude's definitely going to fuck the dog.

More pervert than a man.

The lady I see is like, I'm doing this symbolically because all men are dogs.

The guy's like, I could fuck this dog.

And that's what I'm going to do once I marry it.

Yeah, I would wait until marriage.

I would be way more leery of the guy.

The lady, I think, would just be making a statement.

Either way, I'd be like, Walt, you want to do this for Patreon?

I don't give a shit.

I saw that J-Lo.

It was her birthday recently.

I think she turned 50.

She's 50.

She looks amazing.

She's so good.

She looks amazing.

Her cake also looked amazing.

Yeah.

Took a little heat online because her cake cost $10,000, her birthday cake.

Eat from whom?

The internet.

You know him.

Or her.

It's her.

Worth the money.

Let her spend it on whatever she wants.

She could donate some of that money to the hungry.

She could.

She could also spend it on a fucking cake for herself.

It's her money.

It's her goddamn money.

At least give some of the cake to the hungry.

And to fucking make that $10,000, she had to fucking make 20 grand and give half of it to the government and spend 10 on the cake.

Right.

So it's really a $20,000 cake cake.

Because it's a $20,000 cake.

I was curious, though, now that you're

internationally famous, man of means,

what's the most you would spend on a cake without

batting an island?

Without batting an island, without feeling like, oh.

Let's say I'm at a super fancy restaurant and they're like, we have this fucking key lime pie that's to die for.

It's $70.

i might on eating the whole pie no for the table

i might on a i might on a whim be like i gotta taste 70 key lime pie right but i you're like vince vega and uh pulp fiction sure you want milk chick yeah five dollar milk chick um maybe in that vein but i probably wouldn't do that i'm definitely not spending 10 grand on a cake a birthday cake uh yeah it's a whole i've spent 10 grand on a birthday party

you know it seems like a lot right it seems like a lot unless you have have J-Lo money.

I don't hold it against her.

It has to seem like nothing.

Like, it might be a hundred bucks to her.

Here's the thing.

It's not even that.

Here's the thing.

For her to be the artist that people seem to really enjoy, she has to be herself.

And if herself and what leads to her success is being the type of person that spends $10,000 on a cake, then fucking let her spend $10,000.

She lost contact with her roots, though.

She's still Jenny from the block.

What are you talking about?

But really, I can't make that claim.

I don't know if she've ever had.

She knows she would make that claim.

Like, I'm still a part, you know, I'm still the little girl from Brooklyn.

I'd be fooled by the rocks, Warren.

You can't make that claim anymore now, right?

Jay-Z still makes that claim.

He's a fucking

multi-millionaire.

He and Beyonce have to be approaching a billion dollars in net value, right?

Yeah, they got it.

You can't then make the claim that you're still

still got your roots.

It's a ridiculous statement.

No.

Yeah, they don't live where they lived.

They probably don't fraternize with the same people they fraternized with.

Well, it's not the, you know what?

And believe me, in no way or shay am I saying I'm on the fucking level of those guys, but on my level, even like the level of

whatever fame that I've achieved, is it's not,

it's not being, the way you lose touch is because like everybody just starts asking you for shit.

It's a constant stream of, oh, can I get tickets?

I'll come to get this.

Oh, could you make this video?

So you start cutting people out.

You stop answering texts because it's just like, oh, fuck.

It's fucking 10 a.m i've already gotten three quests you know what i mean so you stop answering it so that's how i've found like in any instances that i feel i've lost touch with people it's because like i just can't fucking take the constant like i can't wake up and like all day be like

worrying about what could i do for for everybody i just can't

you're friends so now you're a jay-z real friends would not hammer you constantly so it's okay to like the the friends from the block though

there are people from the block people from the block and she's saying

i'm still Jenny from the block.

And they're like, hardly.

Dude, the block.

We didn't get invited to the party.

Who?

Literally, you mean?

Brooklyn.

Yeah, the people in Brooklyn.

Oh, okay.

I thought you meant us.

I was like,

well, in my case, I went to a birthday party with J-Lo once.

What?

She shaked my hand with greasy chicken hands.

Oh, whose birthday party?

Ben's.

You were there?

What's up?

And she's like, I'm Jennifer.

I'm like, I know.

I didn't know who Scott Ian was, but I know who fucking J-Lo is.

Well, she introduced herself by a real name.

That was the difference.

She wasn't like, hey, I'm Betty.

And I'm like, wow, you look just like J-Lo.

Q.

Who's this?

Tell him, Steve, Dave.