#414: This Shithole Earth
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Transcript
Walt Flanagan wants to block your cock.
That's the way it is.
That's the way it is.
You heard it here.
So Tuesday, the aliens arrive.
They hover over New York City.
Yeah.
Wednesday, you're coming to work.
Maybe Thursday.
I was watching my lovely bride, Stacey Patella, sleep the other night, and it was just
every curve was.
Yeah, I was jealous of that, Casper.
Marital band.
tell them Steve Dave.
Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave, straight out of the basement,
which actually sounded pretty good.
I have to say it sounded really?
It sounded better than it normally sounds up here.
Why?
I don't know.
I mean, it's just strange, right?
Because there's no carpeting to, so you think it would sound more echoey.
Yeah, not at all.
Cavernous basement.
It sounded like we were all intelligent about the mic because we knew it was going to be initiated sound.
Could be.
Whatever it was, we sounded glorious.
That's really what matters.
So let's leave that behind us.
Let's never talk about it again.
Wall with a hurt heel, we find out.
Q with a hurt leg.
Hurt body.
Yeah.
Z with hurt feelings.
Why?
I don't know.
I don't have hurt feelings.
I do have fat news, though.
I had to start
start trimming down.
You do?
Yeah.
So
the last time I did this, Dr.
Raz, like two-day, it is so hot in here.
Are you hot?
It's a little warm.
It's broiling.
Come on, freaky freezy.
What do you got it set at?
I don't even have it set.
Mike just sets it up.
It's over there on the wall of the house.
I just deal with it.
I don't feel anything.
You're a trooper.
I'm sweating three seconds into the goddamn thing.
It's like you cut out sugar, blah, blah, blah, all that shit.
So I've been doing that for two days with like zero energy.
Yeah.
Oh, it sucks, man.
What do you got to lose weight for?
Being too fat is mostly it.
But we got something.
Someone told you to get it.
She's like medically fat.
Because you said I have to.
Well, want to.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Want to.
Yeah, no, nobody's telling me I gotta.
Well, somebody is, but fuck her.
You guys want to see something funny?
Definitely.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe this.
All right.
So
speaking of being too fat, this is where it comes from.
So So
I'm just disgusting.
I can hear you.
I'm just going to check this temperature.
Yep.
But I'm also getting older.
So things are just starting to go wrong.
I think the problem is that I'm turning into like, you know, I got to find this.
Like, is this just what happens when people get older?
They just become like
doddering, like,
like.
doddering idiots.
Like,
I'm seeing changes in me and I don't like them.
One, I'm putting on weight.
Two,
so yesterday, the reason I'm all banged up today is as I dropped my motorcycle, which if you don't drop, if you don't ride a motorcycle, that means you spilled it.
You know, it just tipped over, went on its side, and you scrambled to get out of the way before you got burnt by a pipe.
14 years riding a motorcycle, I never, no, 15 years, that never happened to me.
They say it's going to happen.
I mocked them and I didn't.
So yesterday,
I dropped the motorcycle.
I get myself all banged up.
I sent you the picture of my road rash and shit like that.
And then I'm home recovering.
And this, this is from convalescing.
Okay.
Here we go.
I don't want to describe it to you, but this is one of my security cams.
My cat cameras, I should say.
Oh, it happened right in front of your place?
No, no, no, no.
This is a separate incident about two hours after the motorcycle issue.
And I have these cameras in my house.
Usually they're not plugged in when I'm home because I keep them there for the cats, but I guess I forgot.
But as it happens.
all right well we can't post this so we gotta give an accurate description of q walking around his place
cameras on him at all times
oh my god oh my god look at how little night lay on the floor i just give up i'm just like it's it's almost a full minute that i'm just on the floor what are i doing you stepped on a tack or something why'd you jump up like that my cat walked in the room as i walked out so i didn't want to step on him oh okay Yeah, it looked like they were trying to avoid something, or you stepped on something hot.
No.
But then, like, there's he jumps, and then there's the full-on banana peel cartoon.
First, it looks like I avoided a fall, and then there.
But at least it was great.
At least you have the gracefulness of an athlete, though.
Yeah.
Do you owe him money or something?
It almost looks like a
security cam-like fake slip and fall for insurance money.
Oh, my God.
Remember
in the early 2000s, there would be those UK videos where it was like a half-hour commercial.
Commercial music, right?
Just music and people falling down in the mall and
old senior citizens laughing and they would just show these weird cuts.
And it was like a half hour of stuff like that.
But yet you could buy on VHS
or new DVD at that time.
Yeah, it was like Australia or Great Britain or one of these places.
I think it might have been Australian.
You're just like, who the fuck would want to watch?
I don't want to watch the commercial.
That went down so hard.
That was.
Yeah.
Really?
Okay.
It looked like you,
you know, you kind of didn't kill me, but I stubbed my toe so fucking hard on the stair, and then my knee when it hit the floor, I was like, oh, fuck.
Because it was still bleeding from the accident.
What are we going to do when we have like, I mean, this is sort of a young, virile cue relatively, you know,
that we got here.
This is the beginning of the edge.
The beginnings of the end.
But what are are we going to do in 10 years?
We're like Q in that house with those stairs.
We don't hear from him.
Like, he doesn't text you back.
It might be because, like, oh, Q's dead.
He's not with us anymore.
His body's rotting.
Yeah.
So that was a bad day for me yesterday.
Well, I found out I had Planner's Heal yesterday.
Yeah.
Get him diagnosed.
It told me what he was doing.
Oh, you're going to go to the doctor for it?
No.
He just told me that I have Planner's heel.
So I was like, damn.
And he goes, and there's nothing you could do for it.
Just like gout or teat or any number of things.
You might want to get a first opinion on that rather than.
Right.
Yeah, don't go directly to the second opinion.
Well, then I got home.
I went on a web MD, and he was right.
You really just have to wait six months to a year for it to go away.
And it's not debilitating, but it's just kind of annoying, you know.
Just like pain here and there.
Yeah, only when you're like after you wake up in the morning, when you step down, when you step off the bed, and you're like, you know, that for the first like two minutes, it's like a painful heel, but then when it loosens up, it goes away.
I went out to the very first time ever to the
Gidham Estate.
Wow, why?
I'm doing this thing for a patron.
We're doing a video called The Day in the Life of Gidham Steve Dave.
And he didn't want anybody out there to do any filming or doing any sound.
So I was like, what if it's just me?
What if I just do everything, just me and you by ourselves?
And he agreed to it.
So I went out there.
Usually aren't like clothes sets reserved for nudity and heavy heavy sex scenes.
Not like I do not need anyone looking in my window and seeing the piles of garbage.
Now, your reaction, it was the same as Mike's when I came in, and I told him, because Mike was like, what are you doing here so early?
Because I had to be there early because of what I wanted to get him at what he does.
Like he has to get up early and take care of the farm.
So I was there like eight o'clock in the morning.
So I got to work like almost an hour before I had to be.
And he goes, what are you doing here so early?
And I told him, his face was like yours.
He's like, he couldn't believe that he allowed someone to know where he lives.
I didn't know that was that.
That's what they're perceiving.
He doesn't like that I know his real name.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, you're right.
You're right.
He's weird about it.
I wish there was a world that I was able to come with him in because I would have loved to go.
Oh, he would have loved it if you just popped up if you were in the car with me.
I don't know about that.
As much as Q text him and ask him to go to Vegas and all this other shit.
He's a weird dude.
Yeah.
Yeah, but I saw the form.
I saw how he runs it.
It's a tight ship.
Yeah.
Did you see his cardboard collection?
No, that was was one of the stipulations he was like you can't come in and i was like hey i i i respect you
i mean i mean
at what point you're his friend his boss is like you're not allowed in my front door but at what point do we find out it's not cardboard boxes but cadavers i mean it is weird how much
because if he's saying like look i don't want anyone here in fact friend of how long i i don't even want you inside or looking inside that means he's ashamed as well he should be right but he's he's told me that he has a hoarding problem.
He can't, right?
But he can't just be like,
fuck it.
Or address it, maybe.
He'd rather live with it.
Yeah, obviously.
I mean,
he's fine.
I mean, the dude is fine in his own skin.
There's no doubt about it.
As much of it as there is.
I mean, if everybody was as comfortable.
But if everybody went as comfortable, you won't let let me and Q come in his house.
Yes, bitch.
I think the world would be a better place.
I mean, he's if people were more like item?
Well, literally, he's not upset with anything.
Like, he's comfortable in his own life.
Oh, if you're content with everything.
He seems to be
totally cool, whatever.
But as a person who's not content almost in every single aspect of my own life, I look at a guy like that and I'm like.
There's no way it's 148.
He's mentally retarded.
Like, who could be happy with this shit?
But he does seem to be.
Yeah, yeah.
upbeat, good natured.
It's little things that like make it for him, though.
It's just crazy the things that like he, like a child at times, like showing off his new, like, his new keychain.
It's like
choice that he brings to like this, these little trinkets.
Whatever hole he's trying to fill.
No, no.
Did you hear about this?
No, what's that?
Bob, two weeks ago, he's looking at it.
He's like, oh, that's a nice one.
He's like,
I found one like that at the
race truck.
Wherever, wherever.
He goes, and he carries it around with him.
Yeah.
But it's not his.
Yeah.
It's just a car fob.
And
I don't think, I mean, everyone is like, we already know.
And why the fuck would you do it?
Yeah, what's the matter with you?
Like, that's crazy.
I mean, again, it's just these little things, these little
quirks, I call them.
And, you know,
he's whistling and he's got uh he's got a a happy smile for everybody that you came into contact with on that farm and who'd you come into contact with other farmers no the horses oh the horses okay so you guys are
yeah you guys are counting animals as people because he has no no one around him i guess no he went you'll uh you'll look for the video
look for the video on patreon
it's going to be it's going to be
it could i'm going to submit it for uh some sort of an award you go like sundance Oh, you knock Kev out of the running next year or something?
There's got to be some sort of place I could submit this video.
Webby award?
Maybe some kind of Webby award.
You have some music scored, all sad shit, mostly.
No,
this is a feel-good story.
Yeah, this is about
it.
Who's feeling good aside from Giddam?
Did you guys see
bagel shrimp?
Isn't going anywhere.
You would think that inside of a week, that little short guy who blew up would.
He's going to be on the Howard Stern show.
He's going to be on Stern.
He was on Jim and Sam.
He's been doing a bunch of...
He was on, what's that, Shade 45?
He's got a manager.
He's got a social media company doing his thing.
Yeah, strike while Iron Tower.
He's got it.
Next week, it could all be gone.
Yeah.
Jim brought something up that he was like, he should be doing cameo right now, I think.
Yeah.
Right?
You know,
exactly that.
I mean, he's got like two-week window on that.
It's very short.
He doesn't seem.
I watched the interview with him, and he's a pretty upbeat guy.
And some of the stuff he says, you're like, okay, I get it.
Like, I get why he'd feel this way.
But then some of the shit you're just like,
he's a mental patient.
Like, there's something seriously serious.
Like, he's not just short.
There's something seriously wrong with this guy.
And he's going to box
if he's a celebrity person.
He's going to box.
You know how they do celebrity boxing and shit.
They still do that, huh?
That's still true.
I guess so.
I haven't seen a match in quite some time, but I remember it was like Tanya Harding versus somebody and Screech.
Oh, Antoine Dodson, who was the bedroom intruder guy.
Do you remember that from years and years ago?
When they saw a leprechaun entry?
No, no.
Yeah, that guy.
Who is going to go out and pay to see that?
event, even if it was like a dollar on pay-per-view.
Who's buying that?
Like drunk people, like if you have a a pay-per-view or something.
I mean, to actually go to it, or this guy, he's like, not just.
That's why I say, like, hey, there's a great video I'm working on the day in the life of Canada.
Who would watch that shit?
I would watch that.
That's a leprechaun dude, ain't it?
No, no, no.
He just, you know,
I'm probably going to have to cut that part out, Walt, because those were different black people.
No, he was the like, hide your kids, hide your wife, the raping everybody out here.
Erbody, I believe, was actually the.
What is going on?
Yeah, for a while, my phone, when you called me, was him.
Somebody remixed him into a song.
Yeah, it's a great.
So that's a great remix.
What the fuck?
Are you done with that?
No, not yet.
Fucking iPad shit.
It always jumps onto the wrong goddamn network.
I can't take it.
I can't take it.
I don't have the blood sugar that it requires to handle this kind of nonsense.
Okay.
Once we get through this, I'm just typing in there, though.
No, I'm just pushing something.
Because the internet doesn't work for me.
Oh, my God.
Fuck it.
Fuck it.
I can't show it to you.
I'm sorry.
I can't show it to you.
You should have the Windows.
I didn't know we were going to talk about Antoine Dodson.
Oh, you didn't?
Oh, no.
I thought this was all leaning out of the world.
I didn't know about Antoine.
No, everyone and their grandmother knew who the fuck Antoine Dodson was that you would too.
Do I need to know, or the listeners need to know?
Listeners might.
I mean, it probably would.
If you're
how long was that, like like six, seven years ago?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Something like that.
How much would you pay, realistically?
You're at a hotel, you're on the road, you see you're in for the night, and you see on the TV
the bagel shrimp dude versus Antoine Dodson.
Yeah, we're at the Borgata, we're hanging out in the room.
Oh, where together?
Yeah, pay-per-view.
At that point, I'd probably pay 60 bucks.
You're by yourself.
By myself, I wouldn't get it at all.
Five bucks?
No.
Not even five bucks.
Oh, I thought you meant like he's at a a hotel and they're actually boxing.
No, no, no.
It's on TV.
It's on paper.
Yeah, I probably wouldn't.
Life's too short.
I probably wouldn't watch it.
Two dudes I don't know fucking beating each other up.
Especially one's five feet tall.
Yeah.
But if we were all hanging out together, I'd be like, yeah, I'll do that.
I'll watch that.
Or we're like, the boxing match is a few steps away downstairs and we could watch it from like some box.
So people aren't threatening you and challenge you to the next celebrity boxing match.
I can't find anybody.
I can't even walk anymore.
You saw the video of me falling.
I saw it.
You say it was graceful.
I think you're being kind.
That was funny.
Oh, okay.
You just didn't want to because you knew he was feeling low.
Yeah.
He was feeling like an old man.
I've seen seniors at nursing homes fall more gracefully than and break a hip.
Yeah, one day that's like right now.
It's like, all right, whatever.
I'll just, I'll laugh it off.
Like, one day that's going to like, it's going to end my life.
What do you fall often?
No, but if I go
to that with Jack Tripper.
No, it's like,
it's.
If Q replied with, like, I don't know, maybe once or twice a month, would you be like, what?
I would be like, that seems like a lot for a guy your age.
He's already reached the max I'm willing to accept.
These things come in threes, too, so I'm due for another one.
Oh, for another accident?
From the stupid fucking goof up, that's all my fault.
You had your fair share of them, though.
I know, but this is
hard.
That's because you work in physical comedy, though, right?
No, I just the king of prat falls over here.
Whoa!
Another giant banana peel.
Your comedy calls for some physical comedy once in a while.
And you've taken some, you know, you fell off the SUV, right?
What was that?
Oh, the ATV thing.
ATV.
Didn't you do something with your wrists, too, recently?
And you couldn't even write.
And that was from IJ apartment.
That's from the fire department.
Oh, I thought it was from signing a lot of autographs.
See, a lot of people think the IJ guys just run their mouths and fucking look stupid.
Did you say sign an autograph?
It's so dismissive.
The Borgata the other night licking his pen.
Would you box someone if the price was right?
They're going to give you some time to train.
Would it depend on who they like?
If they want you to box Bagel Shrimp, you're like, well, that's a statement on what they feel my level of celebrity is.
So you would have to.
I don't really know you meant like that.
I thought you meant like, would I just try boxing?
No, no, no.
It's going to be an event.
I probably wouldn't do that.
Yeah,
that would be a statement on that, like, his career is over at that point.
Like, this is the last gasps of a person who's.
Bagel shrimp's like, like, I'm waiting for my start.
But yeah, anybody who's doing that kind of like exploitation boxing,
yeah, it's well, although
Donnie Osman, he did it and he rebounded.
Celebrity boxing?
And he found his
right in Vegas, right?
He had talent, though, too, though.
I don't know if Bagel Shrimp is going to be able to land a role on Broadway.
Donnie Osman.
He's going to the internet.
Why are you going for punishment?
Because I'm just going to wait.
What was I I looking up again?
I was looking up.
Donnie Ozzy.
Oh, no, celebrity boxing.
I want to see who else has done it.
I remember screeching.
Jimmy Walker.
Jimmy Bonaducci.
Yeah, didn't
Danny Bonaducci beat the shit out of somebody?
Danny Bonaducci's no slouchy.
I mean, he was
Amazon Royds and ripped.
He'd fuck someone up.
Did he like beat the...
And the other guy was like, I thought this was for charity or something or for fun.
He had a great show.
Bonaducci versus Williams.
Did you ever see it?
No.
I did.
Oh, Barry.
Oh, Greg.
Really?
Yeah, Greg Frank.
Greg Brady, yeah.
It was like at the forefront of that reality exploitation.
Yeah, I remember this show.
I just never watched it.
It was about PH1, right?
Yeah, it was about him and his shrink.
And
I...
I'm not one for those kind of shows, but
I was mesmerized by it
because of how he was just a broken dude, you know, and he did things and he was like he was about trying to keep sober and
falling and getting back up.
But it was one of those shows that
I don't think got a lot of accolades.
It was a little bit too exploitive, I think.
Oh, really?
I remember hearing a lot about it.
Yeah, I enjoyed it.
He had a weird shrink, too.
Like, the shrink looked like an android.
Didn't look like a real person.
No, I gotta look at that.
You had Todd Bridges versus Vanilla Ice,
Paula Jones versus Tanya Harding.
Who did Donnie Osma fight?
He's the only person I know that kind of rebounded and found respectability again in Hollywood.
I'm not, it seems there's only two.
Were you into Donnie as a child?
Yeah, did you watch Donnie and Marie Variety Hour?
Would that be, no, he would not be somebody that you would have been into as a young girl?
No.
He was wholesome.
Donnie Osmond, I mean, Mormons.
You can't get any more wholesome than that, right?
Like, I would like for my daughter to have a Donny Osmond.
To be a Mormon poster?
No.
Oh, Donny Osmo poster?
Who does she have currently?
Oh, God.
Putting up the IJ.
Everyone with broken hips and shit.
You mean to sign that?
She's got like all these bands that nobody's ever heard of, and like four people go see at a brewery in Asbury where I have to sit and watch as well.
There's literally five people at this brewery, and she's like, I want to go see this band play.
I'm like, all right.
And I'm like, we pull up and I'm like, it's here.
And we go inside.
There's like, I don't want to say there's five people.
There was probably like 15 to 25 people in their 20s to 30s.
And this band comes out and plays.
And it was the weirdest environment.
Nobody clapped.
Nobody really was like excited.
Even the band wasn't even excited.
They never said, hello.
Thanks for coming out.
They basically played their songs and then walked off stage.
Not even the stage.
Just where they're like, all the barrels were our beer.
Oh, yeah.
How long were you there?
That's Indy.
God, we were there so long.
About two hours before the band she went to see play.
Oh, my God.
Yes.
That's too long.
Two hours?
How old is she?
How old is she?
She's 16.
She's 16.
You won't let her go by herself?
No, not to a brewery in Asbury?
Yeah.
Well, Ming was probably there.
He could have kept an eye on her.
You're right.
Well, but it was Bonaducci versus Donnie Osman.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
He got crossed.
Oh, I mean, he must have, right?
You saw what Daddy Bonaducci did to fucking poor Johnny Bravo.
Yeah.
I mean, how
I think this was the end of celebrity boxing, though, for I don't think it could come back, to be honest with you.
I mean, yeah, those guys are not celebrities, so it's hard to call that celebrity.
Like, it's more like viral internet stars.
Back when they did it.
Oh, these guys are definitely.
Yeah, these guys are.
Yeah,
they're not celebrities.
So, yeah, that's the update on Shrimp Bagel.
He's,
I mean, bigger shrimp.
I've heard rumors that it was all set up?
It was all set up and it was all pre-thought of, and he had a YouTube channel already.
He did have a YouTube channel where he was yelling at it.
Yeah, it was all just
a marketing thing that somebody came up with.
I don't know.
I mean, if he's trying to endear himself to the public and make money, there's certain things that he says that are not
acceptable these days.
Like he told a joke.
He's like,
What do slinkies and black people have in common?
They're both fun to watch fall down the stairs.
Like, that's his material.
I don't know.
I didn't quite get it.
Is that verbatim?
That is almost verbatim.
That's the joke.
It was slinkies and black people.
But you don't have to say black.
You could say anyone.
Yeah, you could say anything.
You could say a kid, a toddler.
Yeah, you could say that.
It makes more sense with a toddler.
It does make more sense.
Or Brian Quinn.
I got the footage of it.
He got me.
And he laughs hysterically at shit that you're like, there's something seriously going on with this guy.
I wouldn't put it past anyone.
I remember when we said last week, you're like, can we get him on TSD?
And I was like, there's already people who are way bigger, way bigger than us that have already got their hooks into him.
Yeah, Stern wanted him to box Shuley, I guess.
That's what they were talking about.
But we'll see.
We'll see.
Q, maybe we'll make a night of it, you know, depending.
I had this earlier.
So, yeah, I wanted to ask your opinion on something.
I've had my motorcycle since 2008.
Are you asking me about a motorcycle opinion?
Yeah.
Wow.
Tell me that you're a motorcycle.
What ball do you?
I've had it since 2008.
I'm still kind of masculine right now.
Hold on, I got to stretch out my heel before I answer this.
And
after the incident yesterday,
I've been thinking lately.
I've been like, maybe it's time for a new bike.
Lately, I've been thinking about a bigger bike.
And then after the drop yesterday, I was like, maybe this is the sign of the end.
But then I felt bad, and I have like a weird, like,
what's the...
It's natural.
It's natural.
You're no longer
no longer capable of riding a bike anymore.
So
I'd get another motorized or otherwise.
Oh, I thought you were saying it's a time to
give up riding.
No, no, no.
I just, because I get like a sentimental thing where I'm like, I can't get rid of that bike.
I've had it for so long.
I don't have that, though.
You have that in vehicles.
Yeah, I do.
And I'm wondering: should I not be that way?
No, I think that shows a level of,
you know, pussery.
Yeah, I think so.
I think so.
It's an object.
It shows that, you know, you have feelings and it can be projected on
something that can't benefit from those feelings.
Right.
Look, I recommend forming attachments to humans.
So if you're asking me about a piece of machinery, I think you take a couple of pictures and you remember it.
this is, this bike now is the third bike I've had.
The first one, I felt the exact same way.
I was like, oh, but it's my first bike, and blah, blah, blah.
But it was an 800.
It was small.
I couldn't ride it.
And then I got the next one, and then the next one I didn't care about after a while either.
It's just, yeah, you'll eventually be like, eh.
I wouldn't get rid of it because what you can do is when
everything's all over, like, you know, when you're the TV's all done.
Yeah, when I'm boxing.
No.
You can go to these diners and set up with the old classic cars with your first bike, Brian Quinn's.
And you could sit there.
It's your second bike.
Your second bike.
Or let's just say it's your first.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
And, you know, you set up all day.
I see him at Friendly's in the Friendly's parking lot.
They have these old cars, and you could sit there with your bike, and people will come up and take pictures of you and you and your bike.
I'm having a horrible time.
Well, yeah, I'm trying to figure out where the benefit is here.
Did he say Danny?
Friendly's okay.
So he could spend some time with his bike and remember the old days.
Do you talk about stories of you that you have on your bike.
Yeah, you're telling him to get rid of it now so he's going to hang on to it for 30 years until he can trailer it to wherever the fuck.
But you ever see these play there?
They show the classic.
I see car shows and stuff.
Yeah, but you could bring the bike there, especially, you know, somebody that would love to have somebody of your stature come in and sit there all day and all night and tell stories about, you know, you
bring your bike set.
Yeah, it sounds hard.
No, it would only be about your bike, though.
Only relevant to the bike.
Do you have old stories?
Not really
one time i fell
i don't know i wears a sentimental
like i just it's i don't know i i think i am being silly but the idea of trading it in i'm like oh i i like i get angry at that
well why the last one i gave to my brother i felt good about that and then he sold it and i didn't care did he ask you first no but it's his bike at that point i don't care oh well why don't you just buy a different bike though and you you can you got enough coin to just buy another bike It's not a money issue.
Oh, you're saying, why doesn't he just keep both?
Do you have a storage unit?
I do, but then it's not getting written, and it's just sitting there.
How many bikes can you ride?
Well, one.
If you ask Fabio, that's what I'm saying.
Fabio has a shit ton of bikes.
Yeah, but do you have a collection?
Do you know how many cars Tom Brady has?
Sure, but I'm no Tom Brady.
We know that.
Tom Brady comedy, maybe, right?
Right, maybe.
No.
I mean, there's been plenty of people out there who will say, yes, you are to.
So you're.
Lots of people.
I see them all over the cruise.
So you're saying keep it.
I'm saying keep it because I think you'll regret it if you get rid of it.
But if you were saying, like, should I give up riding?
Because I'm getting into that stage of my life where I'm not the best driver anymore, maybe.
But you slipped on a little gravel.
It's not like you're in danger of getting your license taken away.
Oh, you think so?
Like he rode out into an intersection, like any number of driving down the wrong way.
A one-way highway.
I was just looking for the Walmart.
All like ridges and shit.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I say if you're going to get a bigger bike, you get rid of that one because you're never going to ride it.
Never going to ride it.
You're never going to ride it because it's too small.
The new one, you're going to be like, oh, this is better.
You want a bigger bike.
Yeah.
Bigger in terms of engine.
Why?
Does it go faster?
A bigger bike is actually safer.
I don't need to go faster.
It's heavier, though, then, right?
Well, if it falls, I'm fucked.
But if it falls, you're normally fucked.
I don't understand how it's safer then.
If you fall, you're fucked.
It's a bigger presence on the road.
People see it more.
The handling's different.
Like, if you're in a situation where you need to bust out for some reason, you can do it a little bit better with a bigger bike.
Yeah.
Or you can, like, they're way more comfortable for long rides, too.
Do you ever take anybody on the back of your bike no just me
occasionally i will yeah yeah how is that i've always wondered that like that's a lot of responsibility right you have somebody else i i don't i don't it's just side back roads and i would like i wouldn't take someone on like the highway
yeah if they're light enough you don't feel them like if you have a big bike and the person's light enough you don't even feel them back there
you think get him wants a bike no no i wouldn't give him that you wouldn't give him the bike no he'd probably roll it into his living room and it would live there forever.
All right.
Well, will you be?
I know you don't fly, but I'm wondering if you will be joining the more than 1 million people to storm Area 51.
Have you signed the petition and are you going?
Are your travel plans cemented?
I heard about this.
I thought this was like a gag.
It may have been started that way.
It says tongue-in-cheek Facebook call.
Storm Area 51.
I mean, I sincerely doubt all million people are going, but you know, some people are going.
Well, I mean,
we've seen a lot of people, a few people, change the world on social media.
A million people saying, telling Area 51, the shit ain't going to fly no more.
Fuck you and your secrets.
We're coming in.
Yeah.
The million people, you can't stop a million people.
If a million people break out the fire hoses.
I saw a protest.
away some idiots i saw a protest in hong kong they were talking about extraditing chinese people or uh people from hong kong to uh
to uh china or taiwan one of the two i can't remember
and there were like there were two million people in the streets walking down the street now i think they have seven million people in two million people walking down the street two million people it was an endless procession of people
that can't even it must take all day to walk all fucking day four times the population of staten island walking around
Oh, my God.
He's going back to the internet.
Here we go.
You look up
Taiwan protests.
I'll look up Hong Kong protests.
Well, you mean two million people combined in Taiwan and China?
No, no, no.
I'm talking you.
I mean, I'm telling you,
when you see this picture, you'll be like, oh, okay, I got it.
There you go.
There's a picture of it.
Can you see all those people?
Yeah.
Holy shit.
It's a lot of people.
They said they estimated 2 million people.
But it could be like the woman's march where they overestimated.
So if half of that showed up to Area 51, Area 51 is fucked.
They're fucked.
Do you think the government wouldn't just fucking take you out?
Hell no.
With all the cell phones?
They got
everybody videotaping it?
But you're trespassing.
So what?
You have to break a few laws to change shit.
I mean, they've been keeping secrets from the...
from us.
Here you listen to this anarchist over here.
You really got to pay attention to this.
Look at the pictures.
I can't believe that.
Suddenly, it's fucking Malcolm F.O.
Sorry, I got wrapped up in the two million protesters.
Area 51 has for way too long been able to hide what they're doing from the public.
And I think it's, I'm with,
not physically, but I'm with mentally the people who want to storm them and be like, we've had enough of your stuff.
I don't know.
If they storm where Area 51
and they find a UFO.
They say
the one from Roswell?
The flying saucer crashed.
They find that in a hangar.
Doesn't that change the world?
Once again.
Yeah.
But the world changes all the time, though.
The world changes like every day is the potential to change the world.
It happens.
All right, Stanley.
Calm down.
Calm down.
I got it.
Look for Walt Flanagan's alliances.
A trick of light.
That really changes the fucking world.
That shifts reality on its access.
Right.
I mean,
religion is
really turned topsy-turvy everything is right and i think that's why i'm i i think we all should be with the million people who are going to go there i'd rather die in ignorance i don't want to know you want to know if there's an alien i don't want to i don't want anything to change for the next 40 years i don't want aliens i don't want except my mobility and stability i don't want anything
you want status quo for 40 status quo for 40 minutes i don't think that's a lot to ask one
it's a hell of a lot to ask everybody else waiting on fucking TV, fucking raking in fucking money by the bucket load every day.
That's their fucking problem.
You should have gotten a TV show.
I'm saying,
I don't want aliens.
I don't want aliens.
Aliens are not your business.
Aliens are not the enemy, though.
Once they prove that aliens exist, I think society breaks down.
Breaks down.
I think you underestimate or under
you don't give enough proper credit to the human race that we can't handle irrefutable proof.
Proof of aliens.
Like, what was it, District 9?
At this point.
Like, District 9.
You saw it, right?
You saw District 9.
Okay, so if you're shooting in New York City and we live close enough to New York City and you see a District 9-style UFO come in and just start hanging out,
what's your next move?
What do you do?
Do you just go on a business as usual?
What are you supposed to do?
No, I get my.
What are you supposed to do, right?
I just throw it out.
You just go about your day.
Are you kidding me?
I swear to God, I would just go about my day.
What am I going to do?
Just stare at it in awe?
Dude, you go fucking, you can start.
You better have food stocked up.
Why?
Why do you assume it's going to be DEF CON 4?
Fucking
like red alert.
It's all over.
You know, human race is done.
Why?
Why do you think that way?
Can I throw in a caveat?
It's DEF CON 1 is the most serious.
I think society, as we know, breaks down.
I think people get very afraid and like, oh my God, I got to take care of myself.
Right.
I think people would riot and loop.
Because they're clearly an advanced race.
Dude, the fuck.
They don't know what they want.
There's a blackout.
The lights go out for a little while and everything breaks down.
People start smashing windows and stuff.
But if nothing changes, like the only reason things like that happen is because
things start to break down.
But if you still got power and you still got, like, and you still got, nothing's going to change.
Like, they're not destroying anything.
And District 9 was like 20 years.
They just hung there for like 20 years, and people just got used to it, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, the ship was broken, and they got on the ship.
Was it 20 years before they found the aliens?
I think it was 20 years.
I don't think it was that long.
I think the ship was there 20 years.
That's what I mean.
Oh, no, they got the aliens off within a year.
I think it was a year.
It was there before the alien.
Oh, did they?
Oh, I thought it was.
Plus, we got it in, bro.
I like my idea better.
We got it in.
We got it in.
We got it in.
Sergeant Leighteen.
Oh, yeah.
He's going to protect us when
everything
comes to a head.
No, he's not.
That's what you got to tell your family.
Just be like, oh my God, the aliens are here.
We're going to go meet some stranger in the woods to protect us.
So, Tuesday, the aliens arrive.
They hover over New York City.
Yeah.
Wednesday, you're coming to work.
Maybe Thursday.
I just want to see what happens.
You could get a day out of it.
Nobody's going to really blame it.
And then I'm like, yeah, like I get a free day off out of it.
Who's not going to take advantage of that?
I don't, yeah, I'm not kidding around.
I really don't think that it would be as crazy as you think it would be.
I would why, why, why, why, why, what, are you going to fall to pieces?
Are you going to just crumble like a cookie because you see a fucking
peeking out his window?
Are you just going to go to pieces like a flubbering fucking?
I don't believe that
you're going to see me hole up in my house with weapons and food and water because I think that the attack is coming.
But you've seen the movies from the 50s, right?
What does that have to do with it?
That is the exact
ignorant fucking dope mode.
Like, okay,
I automatically assume my life's in danger because this happens.
And why are you assigning more than that to a lot of people out there?
Yeah.
Ignorant dope mode is like default when there aren't aliens around.
Yeah, I just don't think it's going to be unless there's some sort of the only thing I'll be worried about is disease.
Yeah.
Then bring in bacteria to disease, slavery, conquer aliens.
They're an advanced,
they're an advanced race.
Yeah.
They eliminate slavery.
No, that's how they got advanced.
No.
Whoa.
Yeah.
Yeah.
By using the slaves.
They steal all our resources.
You're fucking doing Independence Day.
That's what you're doing.
You're doing what's true, man.
Why else would aliens come here?
Because they want to hover over New York City and not
massing and shit.
They want to help this fucking shithole called Earth.
What are they going to do for us?
Spread the gospel.
Give us the answers that maybe we couldn't fucking possibly find.
They're like, oh, yeah, you know what?
There's no God, so you're just going to kind of cease to exist.
Like, I don't want to know that.
Like, people, well, you've got to go for sure.
Well, God created the aliens, too.
You'll get that, so it doesn't matter.
But the hey, we got it in there, too.
I think Father Lance.
I think people are.
Father Lance, save us from the aliens.
Sergeant Allen, save us from the aliens if Father Lance can't.
You think people are going to live in Manhattan with an alien spacecraft hovering over it.
I mean, I think you'll see certain parts of the country react differently.
I think Middle America...
Well, let's shoot it.
Nope.
Middle America is like, fuck it.
Go about your work until fucking.
Go about your work.
And then the fucking two coasts who think they know everything are going to be like, they're the ones that aren't going to be able to handle it.
And they're going to run to the middle America and be like, help us.
Right.
Show us the way.
I mean, how is that going against what I said?
But
that's called society breaking down.
Because they don't know how to handle it, though.
The two coasts.
Right.
Right.
The coasts would be so consumed with what gender they should call them that they would totally miss all the signs that were being taken over.
Yeah, I would not assume like I would not assume hostility right off the bat.
From aliens to humans?
Both.
I like to give credit to the human race a little bit more than you do.
Humans,
I think, are going to be.
And we're not talking about just America.
Right.
Russia, China.
Like, they may want to blow these guys out of the sky.
And even if they did find a UFO.
Turn them into slaves.
See how they like it.
Let's say it's just they find a UFO and they storm Area 51.
Do you really think
that would change
everything the next day?
I don't think people would believe it.
Let's say there's
irrefutable proof that they did find the AL.
There's no way you can deny it.
It happened.
He doesn't even believe that bagel shrimp is real.
I don't think it changes much.
I think it changes a lot.
I just think we're so consumed with what our own worlds that
it would be fun,
but eventually it would just revert back to whatever we're doing.
Like, you guys were both here.
Like, would it be like a 9-11 reaction where everyone's kind of nervous in the beginning, but nobody went crazy?
Why do you think people are going to help each other?
They'll be like,
we've got to take on these elements.
Well, I mean, again, I think Q just said that they just found the remnants of a spaceship.
Yeah,
I don't think that's a big enough fine to make everybody make civilization come crashing.
No, because people will be like, bullshit.
Maybe in the 70s, certainly like back in the 30s or 40s, but today there's so much fake shit that people are going to be like, I don't believe it.
I just don't believe it.
I agree with that.
And there's absolutely nothing you're going to show me or tell me that's going to make me believe it, short of seeing a real alien and touching it and being like, holy shit, that's a fucking real alien.
I agree with that.
Do you think there's aliens here?
I don't.
I just think there's fucking
secret technology and
I don't think that
flying vehicles that, you know, they don't want to get the secrets out to the, you know, be interesting to find out what's there.
I bet you it's all just that.
Whatever, whatever secret, top secret plans are working on for
war weapons.
Mystical secrets in the world.
If the aliens are pretty, like, they're, like, you know that, like, what's it, like, the
Uncanny Valley?
So it's like the person is, it looks like a person, but, like, just off a little bit.
So the aliens look like that.
Like, their eyes are just a little too big or something.
Eyes are a little too big.
Their mouths are a little bit too small, whatever.
And
but they look just like normal people, otherwise.
You consider banging one?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Not afraid you might catch like some kind of weird space disease.
It's in there.
Space AIDS, something like that.
I mean, I would be, I'm not saying I'd be the first.
How would you figure that out?
How would you know how to do it, though?
Oh, send in some guinea pigs first.
He's saying that they're just like humans except for the pigs.
Oh, okay.
All right.
I mean, I've got to do that.
Yeah, I don't know a lot.
I know where to stick this up.
Yeah, you can say that I got it.
What if they had two sets, though?
Of each, like one of each, or just two sets of
reproductive organs.
So when he's down there,
when he's down there eating route, it's like touching his cheek and shit.
He's slopped over my nose.
He's an ambassador for the human race now.
He's got to make sure he takes, gives both the attention they deserve.
He's not going anywhere near them.
I'm telling you.
Or he finds out, like, oh, no, no, that's, I forgot to mention that's a different way we're different.
The vagina is actually the penis, and vice versa.
So, suck my dick.
Suck my alien dick right now.
Travel those
unknowable miles.
That's the only way you can.
Maybe when we are,
we are more alike than we think.
Take your dick jumps.
Yeah, I don't know, man.
But you're not, so you're not for people just finally just taking a stand and being like, we deserve to know.
Our tax dollars have been funneled into this secrecy for decades.
How crazy is it?
They're like, we're going to take your money and we're not going to tell you what we're doing with it.
It sounds like Pam and Edgar.
It's time.
Well, you're taking it too personal.
You'd be like, they're taking your money, but they're not tipping, but they're not.
It's not you.
There's a lot of other people in the world that are like fucking morons.
I want my money's worth.
If I contributed a dollar over my lifetime to Area 51, I want a dollar's worth of entertainment from it.
You got all the fucking stories.
Give me a peek.
What do you want?
I just want a peek at the alien.
What's the proper retaliation from Area 51 when a million people start walking down the street or walking down the dust?
I mean, you got to give them plenty of chances to turn around.
Turn around.
Have a moment.
You want to get those sonic cannons and just don't blast them out until they can't stay there anymore.
Really?
So you don't use deadly force, though?
No, no, no.
You don't try to kill an alien?
No, no.
Humans.
No,
there's waste.
Rubber bullets.
Rubber bullets, fire hoses, the classics, you know?
Where are they getting the water from, though?
They're in fucking the middle of the day.
They're at 51, bro.
They got water.
Yeah, they must have water irrigation systems and shit.
Enough to blast a million people, though.
It uses up all their water.
I don't think they got to blast all.
one million of them, but I do think once you I think it's a powerful statement when you start turning on those hoses.
Yeah, because people are like, I mean, they may shoot us.
They said they'll shoot people.
I think there's, no, I mean, not on this, but I mean, I think there's signs there that it's like, you'll be fired upon if you try to get in.
They have all the perimeter shit.
I'm sure Ginnam would fucking know all about this, but I don't think it's the easiest place to sneak into.
Yeah, I think the Sonic cannons would work.
Yeah.
I think it'll happen one day, probably not this time, but eventually it's good.
People are going to turn their attention toward Area 51 in a real effort to find out what's going on.
If I was the last man on Earth, this is a good thing.
If you were literally the last human on planet Earth, where are the places you would go to?
Because Area 51 would be one of them for me.
Area 51.
So many places, though.
Yeah, anyway.
Friendlies during that car show.
Like, start here and you work outwards.
Yeah,
that'd be on the list of places.
That'd be on the list.
The White House.
Go to the White House.
You can probably get in the White house now no i don't think so not to like the fun white yeah like if you want to sleep in honesty's bedroom and live in the white house oh oh you know spend a couple of nights there
go to bill murray's house like zombie land oh yeah it was playing golf
go to sal's house get all his sneakers and shit wear them around i guess i mean nobody's alive so you can do anything for him
Go to Graceland.
That'd be a good one.
Graceland would be a good one.
Yeah, mostly places where, like, if there's a crowd.
Disney.
Yeah, now you don't have to worry about it.
No lines.
Probably can't run the rides.
Oh, the electric's gone?
Yeah, I guess.
Who's running it?
Aliens.
Alien workers.
Would you be afraid of mines?
That would go in Area 51.
I'd go in Rhodes.
I don't think I would go in the sand.
You go in Rhodes?
What if their gates are still closed?
Crash through them.
Yeah, probably crash through them.
On his motorcycle, his new bike.
That's if I got a bigger bike.
He's got all the answers, man.
He does.
Yeah.
I'm ready for that.
Where else would you go?
I know where I'd go.
Where'd you go?
I would go to the Casper factory, probably.
For a good night's sleep?
Oh, yeah.
Uh-huh.
I mean, you're going to need your rest more than ever, right?
Because maybe all the people died, but animals.
Animals still around?
And you got cats?
You got cats?
You got dogs.
What do animals love more than like something soft to lie on, right?
So you're going to have a lot of animals in that Casper factory.
You're going to need one for yourself.
Sort of squirreled away, you know.
They're designed by humans for humans.
Hear that?
Animals, even in an alien apocalypse, you're not welcome.
You spend a third of your life sleeping, so you should be comfortable.
They're cleverly designed to mimic human curves.
Let me tell you, that's true.
I was watching my lovely bride, Stacey Patella, sleep the other night, and it was just
every curve.
Yeah, I was jealous of that Casper.
Marital bed.
They
have four mattresses.
That's what Stacey Patella sleeps on.
She's like Princess in the P style.
I bought her all four.
The Wave, the Essential, the Hybrid, and the Hybrid Wave.
They're all developed and assembled and designed while in the U.S.
Make You Proud?
Yes.
Hardly anything in this country anymore made in the USA except fucking solid comedy on True TV.
They're affordable.
Just as I say, F the middleman, hassle-free returns.
They really want you to know that it's a small box.
Free shipping and returns in the U.S.
and Canada.
We must voice this cue.
You can be sure of your purchase with Casper's 100-night risk-free sleep-on it trial.
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I get emails though from ants.
Yeah, and they're like, are you being for real?
Yeah, they asked me if I'm being for real and then a couple weeks later I get the email like, thank you for
being real and being awesome.
I'm so happy with my purchase from the Casper.
That's not bullshit.
Flanagan keeps it real.
Just like Miundi.
Somebody thanked us the other day.
Oh, was it Tom?
Yeah.
Yeah, it was like
this guy we knew actually bought me undies and
he was stunned to find out it was not bullshit.
Yeah, and he's like, you're not lying.
Yeah, comfy.
We don't lie.
No.
Why would we?
We turn down sponsors.
We don't take everything we get.
Anyway.
Yeah, speaking of sponsor, we don't have Blue Chew this week, do we?
No, we do not.
We might not have Blue Chew anyway.
I mean, a lot.
I've been reading a lot about
people
turning their backs on podcasts.
For doing Blue Chew?
Doing Blue Chew because
they don't have a doctor's prescription.
You know, actually talk to a real real doctor.
Who are these people?
Well, we don't want that to happen in our podcast, do you?
We don't.
So are you saying you called DK and you're like, I don't want to do Blue Chew anymore?
Well, I want to talk to you guys about it.
I want to talk to you guys before I called DK and I said, you know, it's not worth our integrity
to make a few bucks for this.
But even if we tried the product and it worked?
It's not illicit.
Don't say it's illicit.
We really want to keep our products.
It doesn't work.
No, no, no, no.
I'm saying it's dangerous for people to be taking this.
It could kill you
if you're not properly checked out by a doctor, though.
Right.
You're saying, like, go to a physical doctor, that this is sort of a get-around.
Well, yeah, it's definitely a get-around.
Yeah, but what if you went to the doctor and he was like, yeah, you could use it, and then you went to Blue Chew?
I think at the end of the day, it's like the you're it's legal,
there's no doubt about it, but ethically,
I worry that it's it sullies
TSD.
That's really all I'm worried about.
I don't care about.
Well, if you feel that way, we don't have to do it.
Well, I'm worried about it.
I don't say I feel that way.
I want to bounce it off you guys, you know, when we're not doing an ad about them.
So they can't hear, they can't eavesdrop on us.
They have fun doing their ads.
Right, but what if an a.
What if an ad who has some
issues or wants to beget or wants to just experiment with a self-tick, he's got a self-tick.
Or wants to experiment with having one longer yeah what if he what if it longer no i don't mean i don't mean like measurement longer i mean the experience like you can have a playtime is longer sessions right um
what happens if something bad happens to them health-wise like they have
that could be anything though right yeah but they weren't they were shouldn't have been using it though that could happen and it's like on our watch
i don't think it's more on the it's more on the fda i mean this is an extremely popular 40 bucks.
Whatever, though,
that's how much we give Q.
40 for me and you.
I don't know.
I think I'm just throwing it out there.
I mean, it's a, you know what?
TSD is a democracy.
It's always going to be two to one or three, zero.
I'm trying to look up the cons for the.
I don't know, man.
It never occurred to me, but
what if there's an ant out there that's having problems in the bedroom and Blue Chew comes in and saves the marriage?
And then they have a kid because of the Blue Chew, and then that kid grows up to save the world from aliens.
Yeah, it's like, God bless Violet.
Thanks for the hard dick, Blue Chew.
God bless Viagra.
I'm saying you can't stop playing that game because you could create any outcome.
Yeah, but this is literally going behind a doctor's back and getting it.
And you may not be physically.
Until you need to talk to a doctor.
Come on, man.
You know that doctor is not going to say you can't have Blue Chew.
What?
Doctor's on the fucking Blue Chew.
come on he's on their payroll
there's a doctor provided by blue chew they passed the fda they went through a rigorous screening process i look it's legal yeah there's no doubt about it but ethically is it worth our
integrity that's all we got at the end of the day you well well i wouldn't yeah don't keep me out of the conversation
do you feel i'll take that forty dollars i guess so what are you more concerned about your integrity?
Or tell them, see if they've listened to us who might die?
Both.
Because them taking it in my tongue, you're not responsible for.
That could be any number of things.
They may not have been aware of it without our
spreading choice to get dangerous.
What if we recommend, like, hey,
Blue Chew we like, it works.
We recommend.
We recommend who's Audible.
Maybe we should cut that edge.
Audible.
We're so sorry.
We haven't talked about Blue Chew yet.
I don't know.
I'm just throwing it out.
But if you feel that your integrity.
I'm not fucking around either.
If you feel that your integrity is getting damaged by it,
I feel it could.
I feel like,
especially if something happens,
people could come back.
It could be a blowback on Tom Steve Dave for this.
I seriously doubt it.
I don't know.
I've seen it happen to other pods where people left in droves.
So then let's not do Blue Chew.
I'm just telling you.
What podcast?
I saw it online.
I got to tell you.
I'm not lying to you guys.
I'm not afraid of the time I read it in the newspaper.
I'm not lying.
Why is your integrity affected?
I don't understand.
Because we're pushing something that's on the fringe of being
stopped, just like FanDuel.
Why is it on the fringe?
It's FDA approved.
It's not the drug that's the problem.
It's giving it to people
through the back door channels of not actually going to a doctor and finding out if you're
should be taking it.
Yeah, but this is how things start.
Like, they start with, like,
I'm sure once like all medications that are over the counter, a lot of them had to start being protected this way.
They have to work towards getting
to a place where it's safe to just take.
I love this.
We're like, doing this right here is like, is like pulling the curtain back for listeners.
Yeah.
I say we just do a vote right here and right now.
I,
we continue to loot you if they want us.
Okay.
Nay, we don't do that.
Wait, so your vote is that I haven't voted yet.
We'll go back to the vote.
Well, I know what you're going to vote for, so I'm going to say you're going to say we should stop.
I'm going to say we should keep going and then put it on him so he has to make the final decision.
I mean, I knew that was going to be a vote.
That way, I don't have to make the final decision.
Walt votes stop.
No, no, don't.
Put it on him.
You can.
I don't care.
I'm willing.
But I vote nay.
Then I vote nay.
I think it's got to be John Hobert.
I think it's got to be unanimous.
Unanimous?
The curtain was pulled.
Both of them.
What's up?
They said both of them.
It should be anonymous and unanimous.
So
I'm not going to tell you guys my answer because it's anonymous, but it is unanimous.
If you feel that strongly about it,
I was just wondering if you're not going to be able to do that.
I think you're nuts, but I don't know.
I don't feel that way enough to vote no.
Nay.
I feel like it's not worth our.
Okay, that's all I need, but I trust you.
I trust you're really a lookout.
Okay, I appreciate that.
I do feel like
it may be just
sullying us a little bit.
And
it's not about erections.
Got a clip for this week.
There you go.
It really, really isn't.
And I was kind of teasing the first time we did it that I felt like kind of weird about pushing this.
And I wish wish we were helping people with real medical problems that were a bit more significant.
Oh, they are.
But if you would have saw Flashycock, there would be nothing more important.
You could have cancer and you wouldn't care as much.
I know.
Speaking of cancer, our Joffrey Locke.
Blue Chew got him.
Peace out, Jeffrey.
No, no, no, no.
He's cancer-free.
With remission, is that called?
Yeah, Joffrey Luck.
He was on an episode of TCD when you couldn't make it.
He sat in for you.
Where did he come from?
Chicago.
I know he was a Bears fan.
I assume he's from Chicago now.
But how did he get on this show?
He texted me.
I started talking to him, and then he came on.
He was a huge ant from the beginning.
Okay.
So he's okay?
No, he's okay.
Oh, good.
Thank God.
Good luck.
Good work, buddy.
What does that do with
boners?
What's that?
Why?
Because of what happened, he can't get boners.
Yeah, that's what he was like, bro, I can't get boners.
What should I do?
He's a super deep voice.
No, no.
I said, if you had a soft cock, you would rather have medicine for that than for cancer.
I don't know.
I think that's people say that
when they don't have cancer and they have a flaccid penis the last thing they're thinking about.
Yeah, if you have, if you're like, yeah, believe me, I think you would change it
if you had both.
I wish some alien would come down and tell me if it was a god or not.
Well, I'll tell you what, if I had like six months to live, you could bet that I would want all the blue chew I can get my hands on.
I'd be like, Walt did not speak for us.
It wasn't.
Yeah.
No, and I'm not talking about that.
I think you're not talking about this.
Look at this, Becker.
It's an embarrassment.
I think you're not talking about the medication as much as you're talking about the way you acquire the medication.
Absolutely.
Okay.
It's the way that people are acquiring it that is
troublesome.
Right.
Because
you're going around getting a physical.
You're going around having a doctor look into your medical history and saying you are fit to have this drug.
Rather than
say you're fit to do this over the phone.
Yeah, that's the problem.
You're going in, you're talking to your doctor, you're giving them the same.
But he might say you can't.
You can't have it.
You have something in you.
I think Walt's saying
the online blue treatment.
I don't know, but I think the very fact that you don't have to see a real unbiased doctor
is a little bit of a concern to me.
Okay.
So you're saying these doctors also have no integrity?
Who work for Bluetooth?
They don't even have the integrity of a tell them Steve Dave.
I don't know if a doctor over the phone in wherever Bluetooth is, probably in, let's say, they're in California and you call from Massachusetts.
I don't know if a doctor over the phone can
make that call that you're a good candidate for Bluetooth.
They're just describing your symptoms.
I'm sure they're going to ask you your medical history and then they're going to come to the state.
But they're not giving you
a blood test or you're not getting.
Are you going to get a blood test if you're going for Viagra?
really you're oh no you definitely do oh really yeah because they have to check your testosterone levels and shit to make sure well for like uh
insurance anyway yeah i wouldn't steer us wrong what if uh how about we have i can't because i can't i can't remember the questions that they asked so like if we can get another code we'll have get them do it and then we can record the questions that are asked and go from there what to like take another vote well no no no not necessarily take another vote but i am now i'm curious because i don't recall i'm curious as the questions they would ask you Okay.
You know,
I just feel bad for like the ant that two weeks ago.
They could still get it, though.
Yeah, but now we're saying, hey, that thing we sold you, it's not good.
No, it is.
I'm telling you, it's good.
Yeah.
It's not the drug that's bad.
It's just the way that
the way that they're like handing it out like fucking tic tacs.
Yeah, but if the drug's not bad, then who cares?
But the drug can kill you if you're not physically
ready to take on what it's doing to you.
All that blood fucking
person.
But you're talking about.
That's what you're talking about.
That's a risk that you take?
Sure.
Yeah, but you wouldn't take that risk, though, if your doctor told you you can't do this.
You could die.
Doctor said, like, if I told you you have sex, like, you got to keep it to a certain level.
You can't go crazy.
Or maybe you don't need the dose that they're giving you.
Maybe.
What dose are they giving you?
Fucking enough to fucking make it last all through the night, it says in the ad copy.
That's also not true.
Just so you hands know.
It's fucking
I'm fine dissing Blue Chew.
Not dissing, ditching.
Was it?
Not dissing, ditching.
Ditching.
Ditching.
I think he hit his head when he fell the other day.
Like I said,
the drug works.
We're not saying it doesn't work, but I just don't know if it is worth our name, though.
Yeah, that's fucking good.
We've turned down hardcore porn advertisements.
We've turned down tobacco
advertisements.
Yeah, we do turn stuff down.
Yeah, if you feel that strongly about this, that you feel it's a little bit like, I mean, look,
Walt Flanagan wants to block your cock.
That's the way it is.
That's the way it is.
You heard it here.
Well, maybe you look for those holistic.
Is that what you call it?
Holistic and effective.
You know, take your choice.
No, that's what you know.
You get it.
But you want this tiger penis.
I know that's hard.
Tiger penis.
You gotta be a hot dick.
Sometimes you just suck it.
Sometimes you don't need drugs.
Yeah, if you're 20.
Right?
Yeah, I mean, I'm telling you, you're 50.
You got to find the right video.
Oh, is that it?
All right.
Yeah, that only works like two weeks, and then you got to find another video.
And then, like, you read, then like you find an old video.
This will never stop working.
I'm cured.
It cuts us
searching donkey punch at three three in the morning just to get off.
So, all right, you may not be able to fuck your woman since you don't have Blue Chew, but you will have a nice mattress to contemplate your existence on.
It is $50 towards select mattresses by visiting casper.com/slash TESD and use the TESD promo code.
That's $50 towards select mattresses by visiting casper.com slash TESD and using TESD promo code.
Terms and conditions apply, and the offer is only applicable to select mattresses.
Do you know how strongly I feel about Casper?
If Casper were to right now say, we want to be the exclusive sponsor to Tell him, Steve, Dave, lifetime deal.
Lifetime deal, I'd be like, I'll sign on the dotted line because that's how much integrity and the quality of the merchandise is so high
that I would be like, yeah, that's a marriage
I would go into.
Are they taking the place of two to three sponsors a week financially?
Yes.
Fuck it then.
Can we get that deal?
It'd be much easier.
I'm like, well, it's up to now, it's up to Casper to fill in the void for Casper.
You heard it here.
You know, if you sat through the whole Bluetooth conversation to get to your promo code,
you definitely heard it here.
You always three times the ad now.
Like, if we could get an ad that long and not pay for it, I mean, if you don't talk as negatively about us, I guess.
Well, we never talk
negatively about Blue Chew.
The actual product.
Oh, Casper?
No, no, no.
That's what I mean.
Shit, was I going to say now?
Is that the final ad?
Yeah, yeah, it's just that for the ads.
I saw,
I was going to contact Maxwell, and then I forgot.
There's Gators with meth in their system showing up down in Tennessee.
Oh, God.
Oh, rest me a gator.
Well, that was giving me my meth back.
Had the meth get into the gators, flushing it down the toilet.
Flushing it down the toilet, man.
They say, like, Washington, D.C., like, in that river, whatever that river is there, Potomac,
there's a whole bunch of fish with like oxyofentanol and all the benzos and all this other shit.
If I was down there, all I'd eat was fish.
Did you ever see what a spider does on meth?
No.
It spins its web.
It spins its web all night?
It spins its web all crazy and all fucked up.
That's the thing.
You've seen that?
Yeah, I've seen that.
Yeah, like a normal spider web, and then you see a spider web spun by a spider on drugs.
Oh, shit, did make you go, like, I'm done, man.
Cold turkey, never do drugs again.
Or, what can I say?
Or just don't do fucking spiders, then
you can't spin a web worth shit, though.
I don't need to spin a web.
Do you?
This is it, yeah.
I'd be like, bring that shit right into my parlor.
All right, what's this?
All right, this is
correct.
Spider webs.
This is a spider's brain on drugs.
Let's see, we're watching.
Weed psychologist Peter Vick.
Weed, Walt, gave a spider some weed.
Devil's grass.
Devil's lettuce.
Everyone else is grass.
Devil's lettuce.
He looks like just a spider doing his own thing, right?
Just so you guys know, this is about an hour.
Whoa!
Holy shit, on caffeine?
LSD, it looks pretty nice.
I'd take a little spider LSD.
Marijuana.
I got a little lazy.
He got a little sloppy at the end.
He's like, fuck it, man.
I just want to kick back and eat a fly.
Normal control, no chemical, marijuana.
Surprisingly,
ever popular caffeine seemed to produce one of the most important things.
I mean, if people aren't going to stop taking caffeine,
I'm certainly not going to stop smoking weed just because of fucking dumb spider.
Speaking of spiders, though, I i saw you uh
went to the premiere of spider-man yeah we didn't talk about this no
well yeah how'd you get invited to the premiere of spider-man um by being famous and on tv probably
the same reason we're on a show about comic books i don't we never got invited to any premiere
we never got to a premiere we never went to san diego we never did shit A show about comic books.
Yeah.
Can you fall down on command?
We're like, not really.
They're like, fuck you then.
Well, it's not like we, like, we, like, when I saw the Spider-Man premiere, I was front row in an IMAX theater.
It's not like.
Were the stars there?
Boo.
Yeah.
Fucking who.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
You'll never guess what happened.
The disrespect I'm shown.
Yeah, but let me ask you.
I go out of my way to accept an invitation to the Spider-Man.
Oh, red carpet event, my ass.
That's red carpet.
They're taking my picture, this and that.
Next thing you know, they're like, here's your seat, Mr.
Quinn.
And I'm like, what the fuck?
The shit that I don't care about is fine.
I love Spider-Man.
Let me ask something.
You go to see a movie.
You go to see an IMAX movie, and the only seats left are in the front row.
That's where I run to them.
I'm like, what idiots left?
My point is not to complain about the seat.
My point is to be like, you guys are thinking like we got some respect, crazy respect.
They're looking at it.
They're like, yeah, just put these fucking assholes in the front row.
Nobody else is sitting there.
You know, many people would kill to go to that event.
Why?
Why would they kill to go to that event?
Was Spider-Man there?
Yeah, he was there.
You're talking about Joe Average.
A 20-year-old BQ.
I think you're getting jaded, Q.
Like a 20-year-old BQ.
I left the men in black one.
You went to the men in black one.
I didn't even catch the movie.
I went, I fucking went to it.
I sat in my seat.
I was like, I didn't even know you went to the men in black one.
Yeah.
How many premieres did you go to?
Neither did anyone else by the time the lights came up.
He was gone.
Why did you blow out of there?
That's disrespectful.
because now here's the other thing.
Not only is there like, this is the way it works.
When they have a movie for
it, it's not one theater.
There's one theater that all the stars go to and everything.
Oh, were you in the satellite ones?
And then there's the Overflow ones and the satellite one.
Okay.
So.
You went to Overflow?
Oh, we were like third Overflow from Black.
So, but that's not why I left.
I was just like...
I just want to go home.
I don't really care about these things.
Right.
I heard the movie sucked anyway, so I didn't see it.
You didn't miss much.
What about Spider-Man?
I think we could talk about Spider-Man, right?
It's been so.
I have to see it again because, honestly, I couldn't even tell what the fuck was going on.
At times, I was like, what is, I don't know what I'm looking at.
How fucked up was your neck pipe?
Were you like a spider on
LSD?
You're like, why couldn't you tell what was going on?
You were too close.
I was so close.
Oh, that's right.
I can focus on a hand.
You know what I mean?
Before this is a web and shit like that.
I didn't really get to see it as much as I would have liked.
I liked it.
I enjoyed it.
My My impression was I liked it.
Yeah,
I thought it was well done.
Other people seemed to enjoy it.
People in the fucking middle of the theater seemed to really love it.
Did you talk to Spider-Man?
No.
We've talked to him before, though.
Spidey, go, Spidey, Spidey, get up.
What's with the fucking seat?
Peter Parker.
What about the seat?
You want to end up like fucking Uncle Ben?
Mysterio, did you talk to him?
No, I didn't even see him.
Didn't see him?
What about MJ?
MJ, I saw, but I didn't talk to him.
I mean, who's the new MJ?
Zendaya.
Zedaya?
Zendaya.
Zendaya?
Yeah.
One name?
Yep.
Sounds good.
What do you think of Mystery?
Oh, go ahead.
This is going to be a big spoiler.
So, the co-writer of Stan Lee.
If you don't want this fucking thing, you got a 10-second countdown before I start talking about it.
Oh, you're going to drop something that's going to spoil a movie or spoil something?
Spoil a big fun moment in the movie if you haven't seen it yet.
So, 10-9-8-7-6-54-3-2-1.
I talked to J.
Jonah Jameson
for a bit.
Why is that?
Because nobody knew he was.
People are like, thanks a lot.
That's a Sam Raimi continuity.
They brought that actor back to play J.
Jonah Jameson in these movies.
Okay.
I thought that was going to be.
Yeah, I didn't even realize that.
That's my favorite part of the movie.
I didn't even realize that was going to be.
Are you fucking kidding me?
No, I didn't.
I saw it, of course, but I wasn't that affected by it.
Dude, the theater went fucking like hooting and hollering.
Like, everybody started applauding when they saw him on the screen.
These are the moments I feel super out of it where I'm like, Zendaya, huh?
Who's that?
She's got almost 16 million followers on Twitter.
How do I not know that name at least?
Excited by that?
That was like my favorite part of the movie.
I knew it was J.
Jonah James, but I was just like, okay, I didn't realize it was the same actor, though.
Yeah, it was J.K.
Simmons.
He played him in Sam Rain, all the Sam Raines movies.
And then
I thought that was a nice movie.
They didn't tell anybody, and it was a big surprise.
And the whole theater went crazy, dude.
I guess that shows you my level of
spider
know-all, because
I didn't realize I was the same actor.
I just they were introducing so I got to talk to him for quite a while.
Oh, he was in the satellite theater?
No, no, no, no.
No, I wasn't in the satellite theater for Spider-Man.
I was just in the front row.
Oh, okay.
My point is, we don't get the respect that you guys seem to think we get.
I would.
you know what?
I can vouch for that.
I've seen him in a couple situations where I'm like, wow,
even him and the other guys, they're being awfully good about this.
Really?
Like even shit on a comic book men level, I would have been like, what the fuck?
Like, what's an example?
Yeah, what's
we went to,
we went somewhere recently.
You were supposed to be in a private room.
that turned out to be an all-glass wall
and uh for dining like we went to get something to eat restaurant We were doing a show in a casino.
Okay.
And we went down to the restaurant.
We were like, hey, is there like a private area you could put us in?
Because everybody there is there to see our show.
And they put us in this room.
I mean, almost as if it was a fish tank.
It was like,
if this is the room right here was a glass wall that like right where you walk in.
Yeah.
Like it's right where you walk in.
It's a mirror wall, like a one-way mirror or everybody can watch you eat.
Fish tank.
And as soon as you walk in, you had to pass it to get to the table.
So then we're sitting there and then the manager comes in.
This is like, remember fucking three in the morning?
When that guy brought the room service to us and he was like, can I get a picture?
It was like that.
The manager of the restaurant comes over and it's like, there's a guy out there.
He wants to know if he could take a picture.
And I looked at him and I was like,
with his autistic daughter.
That part's important.
The fucking reason.
That we asked to be put in a private room is so that we could eat our fucking food.
But then he follows it up with like, hey, if the the answer's no, I'll tell him the answer is no.
So it's like, but now he comes in and he's putting it on him and Joe.
So what do we do?
Bring her in.
Jake, you gotta bring her in.
You gotta bring her in.
No, it is not sweet.
It's an asshole move on the manager's part.
And I'm gonna go as far as to say it's an asshole move on the parents' part.
Right.
There's a reason we're in that fish tank.
Yep.
And it's not to be bothered by guys and their daughters.
What are you gonna do?
You gotta, it comes with the
territory, man.
It's so unprofessional.
You can't fucking buy a house and you put a fence around it, and you don't fucking let no one in.
Yeah, you might fall and no one finds you for a week, but you should do it in privacy.
Tell them, Steve, Dave.
