#413: Bagel Shrimp

Your dad cock is so hot.

Yeah.

Yeah, I always want to get me some.

Oh, yeah,

I'm just as guilty as Bagel Shrimp.

There's no practical jokers, pops.

I'm like, who the fuck do I know I want to do that?

Hold on, let me put on my prison and a fucking FUCA hat, you asshole.

Tell him Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave, broadcasting from maybe one of the least dignified places.

We're down in the uh, but it shows just exactly how committed we are.

Yeah, that we would uh go to the stash basement, no doubt, asbestos in the middle of the day, lead paint, haunted, allegedly.

Oh, right, that's right, I forgot about that.

so So, there's ghosts everywhere there's toys yeah

there's asbestos we're gonna get what's that uh if anybody needs any walking dead bobbleheads i gotta line them

for you the r2 d2 teapot yeah

there's a whole second stash down here this is the real secret stash

it's all kinds of stuff right big old fire hazard as a fireman you look around are you like what'd they think was gonna happen yeah well they got sprinklers down here yeah which is nice

It's a lawn sprinkler that's constantly going, but still

I was waiting for you to turn your head.

We got one mission today, Q.

It's to raise our boy Walt's spirit.

What's going on?

I don't know.

I came in much earlier, and it seemed like he was a little down.

And then

when I showed up to we showed up to record, you don't seem much happier, Walt.

It's a water pump that have been done.

Oh, no, I don't know.

Yeah, you're going to hear some industrial type sound.

Tell you the nine-inch NLS concert or something.

I can't believe

you knew the sound immediately.

You sound like

a man who does a little DYI or

pays for somebody to do this.

I've been doing a lot of

DIY.

Do it yourself.

Yeah.

DMY.

I've been doing a lot of DMY lately.

I've been doing a lot.

But no, that's all the fire department.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

I got it.

Just start chopping it apart.

What was it?

Is that a water pump?

Yeah, it's a for the for the air conditioning.

Oh, yeah.

All the condensation, this pumps pumps it out of the system.

Gotcha.

All right.

So, well, you're right.

Are you done?

Fourth of July is over, and there's no more patriotism.

Just in one of those, you don't feel real funny tonight.

I don't know if I ever feel funny, but today even less so than we'll.

No spark?

Yeah, yeah.

I got a little low energy.

Is this because I had to rescheduled?

No, not at all.

No.

I buy comics.

I think it's.

Which we, by the way, we could do this week.

Okay.

I leave for Comic-Con on Thursday.

Okay.

And after the show tonight and tomorrow, I'll have Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday to come down and do stuff.

Tell me today.

Sweet.

Or night.

Yeah.

Preferably.

So we don't have to come down into the basement.

No.

I'm super excited about IBIComics.

I am.

I was a lot of regret.

Ow!

My fucking air conditioning went out.

That's why I couldn't do it.

Yeah, I mean, so I was down there messing around with the air conditioning.

The unit for your castle must be insane.

It's like they took one from a defunct mall.

It's units.

Just for his bedroom.

I do.

My bedroom has its own.

And my office, my bedroom is the one that went out or else I would have said, fuck it.

Giddam has been without AC for

two weeks now.

If he had just lost that weight, he could have put central air in his house.

Remember, I offered him five grand?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Okay, I couldn't figure out what you were doing.

Yes, exactly.

Everything would have been better.

Yeah, but he's been telling me

it's been a difficult

existence living without AC.

He's a good one.

Why doesn't he get a unit?

He's, I don't know, he's one of those guys.

It's like, if it breaks, it's like, oh, well, it's broken now.

That's it.

There's a feeling of like.

I'll buy the guy and fuck it.

No,

I really don't know what I guess he's going to try to find this elusive part from 1989 that isn't made anymore.

Now, fuck him.

His unit's 50 years old.

He's like 100 bucks of fucking units now.

It's almost nothing, yeah, for like just for his bedroom, right?

Right.

Oh, you oh, that bed, that bedroom.

The reek that must be coming from there.

Like John Wayne Gacy's basement smelled better.

Yeah.

His crawl space.

Yeah.

Exactly.

There's that smile, buddy.

There it is.

It's been a while.

What did you do for the fourth?

Anything?

I went to Sesame Place.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

I took my niece, a six-year-old niece, who was staying with us while her parents were away, and the whole family went.

It was like going back in time.

It was like...

Because nothing's changed there.

It's probably the same basic clientele.

Yeah, yeah.

And there's that, you know, it was, it was fun, but it's,

it's, I told them my daughters who have daughters.

I love my niece as much as I love my daughters.

I think it's fun.

But I told him, I was like, there's always going to be, every time we've gone, there's that one person in the kiddie pool, an adult, who's dressed in pants,

frolicking around.

And I'm like, well, why?

Like, maybe, and I don't want to judge and be like, well, maybe they're just...

self-conscious about putting shorts on or but I lent a belief of like what skin condition do they have that they don't want us to see under those pants that they're not allowing themselves to walk around in shorts and do you want that skin in the fucking pool yeah that's where I get a little like a little

anybody's skin in it like public pools and where it's so disgusting everything smells like feet you're like yeah I wish it all came back and you're like that's why I

no but it was like I had a good time but like there is you just can't take your eyes off that person who's dressed in for

evening wear in the pool and you're like there's no way on earth that they just they didn't know when they woke up this morning they were coming to the fucking sesame place they knew like they weren't just that doesn't just happen

so why are they dressed like that i tend to like my mind starts to you know make probably things that aren't real like they have like something underneath that their clothes that they don't want anybody to see and you know i start to get nervous nervous because you're like i might catch whatever yeah there's a lot in the news lately about flesh eating bacteria flesh eating bacteria can't go to the Dominican Republic anymore.

I wasn't going anyway, but

who's going there?

Have you never?

I wouldn't go to that.

Never?

No.

Why?

Why do you guys say that?

I thought this was a tourist destination.

People die left and right down there.

Hey, I know now, but before that.

I always felt like the type of place where shit can go wrong.

There's a lot of,

I've read about it.

There's a lot of crime, and you want to, if you go, you want to stay in the resort.

But isn't there a lot of crime at all these island resorts?

If you don't stay in your...

I think particularly, though, like, do not walk outside no Bermuda is not a crime ridden hell I went to Bermuda and they told us not to they told us not to go into certain sections really uh the captain told us you know if you're gonna go make sure you go in the tourist areas don't be tempted to go in it's interesting I've been there and I never said that the other areas

I had a good time nobody warned me about anything I asked about crime in the Bahamas they left oh yeah they're like there's 200 people on this island

I was like yeah

we're gonna know yeah

uh bermuda i remember i went to bermuda i rode a like a moped around with my friend like all over the island nobody was like hey don't go into this area there were some poor areas though i remember some like dilapidated neighborhoods and shit

nothing happened you do anything for the fourth waterpoint well i was away for over two weeks and then i flew home in the third so the fourth and i didn't get home until the night of the third so the fourth was just like unpacking and and not talking

like a dream yeah i had it by myself

i wish tuesday q was an employee

tuesdays would be awesome

it'd be fun no i didn't really i didn't i i i

i didn't talk to anybody i was by myself for about 36 hours it was nice are you one of those guys that

if you're in a better mood well are you one of these these guys who will like buy and stock up on fireworks, like the big, the major

mortar shows?

No.

No, I'm not a fireworks.

I used to be.

Really?

When Staten Island in the 80s was like, it was like everybody had.

It was like Beijing.

Oh, yeah, it was nuts.

And then, and because Staten Island is everybody's, everybody's like cop, everybody's father, his uncle's a cop.

So you feel like you could do anything?

Well, one, you could, but two, they would confiscate

fireworks.

My finger.

Heard all across the island.

Yo, they would,

one of my uncles was a cop, and he used to confiscate fireworks from people and then bring them right over to our place.

So he would just, we would just have this unmarked cop car show up every three hours with just these pot, these crates of fireworks that we just set them off.

As a kid, though, like that was the mess.

That was the fear.

You were like, you know what they're doing.

They're just taking, like, they're going to destroy them.

They're just going to take them and give them to their own kids.

And that takes it.

I'm here to tell you.

i never had confirmation until every we every year we never bought fireworks because we knew a culling was going to take place just take the neighbors yeah

and then and then the other day i was at my buddy pete's house you know my buddy pete for his uh birthday and he said that the cops in his neighborhood came

because they were sentinel fireworks took half of them didn't take all of them right was like look how does he how do you justify

how do you walk up to somebody like i'm taking half your fireworks shut the fuck up

and that's it.

They just drive away.

That's it.

It does to me every fucking paycheck.

So I don't know.

Apparently, it's just the way it is.

Everything you do, half of it somebody gets.

So everybody can fucking redistribute.

Anyway, so

no, the cops were trying to be cool.

They were like, look, we're supposed to take them all.

Right.

But since we got a call here, they got called.

They have to show that they went.

I don't think it's like they used to be.

Everything's computerized now.

I don't think they could just do it.

Oh, yeah.

There's no bad lieutenants out there.

What are you doing with the Kit Kat club?

Take them out.

No, I think now it's like it comes up on a computer, call for fireworks.

They have to show that they went.

How are you feeling, man?

Your voice sounds rough.

Yeah, I did the show tonight, too.

I was wondering about that.

It was, it was, it took a little bit to recover from L.A.

And then I sounded perfect.

And then yesterday we shot a bit where we had the scream and that's it.

Oh, man.

Do you have like a voice doctor?

No, I'm going to see it.

I'm going to go see a specialist the next couple weeks, though.

Yeah, you're going to have to do some extra, not exercise, me, me, me, me, me, me, me,

honey spray and shit.

I don't know.

It's been an ongoing thing.

Does it feel sore?

Or do you, it does?

Not painfully sore, but it feels like it's an effort to talk.

Which, again, yesterday morning, it was fine.

It was good old weekend.

Isn't that always, though, an effort to talk?

I think the bigger effort is to hear or look like you're.

Oh, like, pretend you're listening.

I,

oh, boy.

I went on a road trip to Ohio.

We had that Comic-Con, me, Mike and Ming, on the 7th or 8th, somewhere, or 7th and 8th, I think.

But prior to that, we left to me, Mary Beth, and Sage went to her parents, where her parents live, like where she grew up.

and rented a cabin for like four days?

Four days?

Same cabin as her parents?

Same cabin as her parents.

It was, yeah.

But I don't think it was, I didn't feel like it was specific to them as much as for four days being in a house with other people who do their own thing.

Yeah, that's what I mean.

You're like, oh my God, like you, you forget how much of a ritual you have when you get up.

So you had to rent the cabin they live in?

Yeah, they charged us rent.

No, we

saw you where they grew up, you said.

Right.

It was actually like only 20 minutes from their house, but I guess they would like to stay at the cabin too.

I think so.

Why did they stay in there?

That doesn't make any sense.

I don't know.

I don't know.

They wanted to stay at the cabin with her.

Nice place.

I would have offered to stay at the house.

I don't know what you guys.

So no one's there now.

It's empty right now.

If anything, I would have robbed.

Her dad's a doctor.

I would have looked for prescription beds and shit.

But the house itself, like the there's the middle floor, which was great.

Air condition felt great.

For whatever reason, upstairs, and it's a huge cabin, upstairs.

There's no air conditioning.

It's fucking like 95 degrees.

Where are the bedrooms?

There's two bedrooms upstairs, one on the middle floor, and then in the basement, and that's where Mary Beth and I stayed, there were bunk beds.

Right?

I gotta tell you.

Yeah, right.

I gotta tell you.

Who booked that cabin?

They did, yeah.

Oh, that was a sign.

You think?

Yeah.

They didn't think that their little girl was ready for

that behemoth to right.

Yeah, this monster.

That may have been why they gave us the room.

Because I was like, hey, if you hear all sorts of matter of moaning and groaning coming from downstairs, it means I'm smashing your little girl.

So don't come down, all right?

Then he's like, go ahead, go downstairs.

Bunk beds.

Yeah.

You took the top of the bottom.

I took the bottom.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, I don't want to risk breaking a hip when I'm trying to get it down.

Confirm their suspicions that I'm too old.

At least a doctor was there.

Yeah, right.

Like, is there a doctor in the house?

Oh my God.

Yeah.

So we did that.

And most of it centered around restaurants they wanted to go to.

They have a lot of like favorite restaurants.

Yeah.

Um

meeting aunts and grandpa and all this other shit.

Born the same year, me and him.

It was interesting.

And then there was the, you know what, what the um

the con

yeah and there's never there's never a conversation of like the elephant in the room is never addressed no it isn't except for one moment one moment

how could i not i mean right i mean is it's but i mean i've met them before so i mean if they addressed it again i might oh they did it what they did no they never addressed it the first time but if they had i mean it is what it is what are you gonna say hey you're old she's not it's like yeah i know we all get it like what can how much How much money for you to leave our daughter alone?

Well,

that's a good conversation starter.

All right.

Now we're talking.

We're both going to get what we want out of this.

I already have the number.

I'm just shoving it towards him.

It's written on one of his prescription pictures.

Did you get this?

Don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it.

What do you do?

Like, what do you do if...

I don't think there's any chance in hell that I'm at a cabin.

If we're going to a cabin, it's like, because I'm going to fucking kill Right.

I'm going to kill you while you're on the guise of a family vacation, and I'm going to

be smart enough not to murder you violently, though.

Right.

I'll have my friend Brian do it.

No, I'll poison you, or I'll do something, and it'll be over with.

What's the age range before you're not killing someone?

She's what, 22?

21.

21.

Even 30, I would be like, this is fucked up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

30, I'd be like,

you're not ready for it.

You're like, what did I do?

Where did I go wrong?

What did I do wrong?

Let me just try to backtrack it.

Do you want to go to Sesame Place again?

I'm going to make fun of the guy who wears the pants.

How are we doing?

Yeah.

But yeah, twice your age would be rough, huh?

Oh, yeah.

If not impossible.

I don't ever think rough.

What if he's a nice guy, though?

Because

I understand you're like, I want to kill the guy.

I want to be like, just get the fuck away.

And you can't tell her because.

Oh, I would tell her.

Well, I mean, but is she going to listen to you?

No.

Well, I mean, I imagine if it's like in the movies or on TV, you know, we're in love.

You know, yeah, hello.

Yeah, you're in love.

But again, like I said, man, she's not that much younger than you when you tied the nut.

Right.

But if it was someone, but

someone her age, though, would be fine if she were going to get married in a couple of years.

It's so hard to warn your kids against early marriage, dude.

I know.

You're too successful.

Yeah, I would be, I would definitely, I wouldn't be like, well, okay, my other option is murder or acceptance.

No, I would be like,

let's try to discuss this

and let's bring up everything and try to keep, try to have an open mind while we're having the discussion that

Let's bring up all the reasons why I think you're not ready.

And then you try to bring up that one or two, though, reason why you think you are ready.

One or two.

He's not condescending.

This is the way I'll bring up all the reasons you're not ready.

We're going to practice it.

So we go to the con,

and

as I'm walking in the back,

this is where the guests go.

This is where the guests go, yeah.

I know you're about to say celebrities and check yourself

for you.

And

as I'm walking up to like the loading dock areas, that's where everybody goes in,

these two people burst through a door, and it's this

black guy in a security outfit and Muse.

And they're like tussling.

You know?

Tussling?

Tussling a little bit.

And

at first I'm like, oh, they're fucking around.

But then I see Muse's face and I see that guy's face face and they're not fucking around at all what do you mean tussling like they were like like the guy had muse by his clothing like his his oh my god and he was like shoving him out the door he's a guest of the con this guy did not care and he said as much

the guy didn't care so he's like uh

from what i catch in the very well do you intervene i do okay i step in because i'm like and when i it's this black guy and he's shorter than me by a couple inches.

But if a pit bull could stand on its hind legs, like how muscular they are, when I grab the guy, I could feel it.

And I'm like, I hope he's amenable to just separating me.

If he now sees me as an aggressor, I'm pretty sure it's not going to go well.

But like, I grabbed him from behind, I like, like, took his arms and like pulled them back.

And he's like, whoa, what are you doing?

And I said, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I said, let him go, man.

I was like, let him go.

And he was like, he's out of here.

And that's when he did let him go.

I don't think he had anything to do with me.

But he's like, you know, he's out of here.

And

there was another guy there who was like, well, he's a guest of the con.

And he's like, I don't care.

You know,

he's mouthing me.

He's giving me mouth or whatever he said.

And I guess what happened was Muse was talking to his assistant or handler or whatever.

And he's like, go to the truck and blah, blah, blah.

And like the security guard kept trying to like intervene.

And Muse was like, I got it.

I got it.

Don't worry about it.

And it was a little too terse for this guy's liking, I suppose, the security guard.

So he's like, You're not going to talk to me like that.

You're out of here.

Oh my gosh.

He dragged him away, put him outside.

And then somebody was like,

not only like, somebody was like, oh, he's a guest.

This guy didn't care.

And he was just like, he's the, he's the guest star.

He was like, he's the name.

He's the guy.

And the guy's like, I don't care.

He's out of here.

And that's what I said.

I was like,

because he's a regular security guard, I said, Do you really have the authority to say?

And but the funniest thing was, as they were going back and forth, was

as the,

I didn't hear him say it, but the as the security guard's dragging Muse out,

Muse is like stating his case and blah, blah, blah.

And one of the things that really seemed to get to Muse was the security guard was calling him Ponytail Boy, and Muse was like, It's not a ponytail, it's a bun.

And I was like, I don't know that one's better than the other.

In fact, one might be worse.

And I would say that's the bun.

But I was like, he put his hands on Muse?

Dude,

it was so rough and so aggressive that, like, it looked like a Vegas bouncer.

When somebody's all totaled and they're like in the, in the bouncer's face, and the bouncer, like, pushes him real hard, and the guy goes spilling out into the street.

Like, he was really manhandling him.

And

eventually the security guard walks away.

And I guess, you know, they settle it and shit.

Now, I'm thinking, like, if Muse is out in solidarity, I'm out of here, man.

You gotta go.

Back to the cabin.

Going back to the cabin and fucking rubbing in old man Hodel's face a little bit more, you know.

But then when we went inside, I guess the guy, the security guard, was like, okay, I overreacted.

So he got sent home.

And then Muse got like...

a security shirt and they made him some some some little sign on a printer that was like he's security for the day.

Like what you would do to a child.

Basically, like when you used to get on a plane

or a pilot, yeah, like they used to give kids the wings and shit.

This is their hope so that he wasn't going to well, their hopes weren't dashed because he was pretty excited for that shit.

And I think they escaped a lawsuit by

a printout security guard for the day and a t-shirt.

That would have been very differently.

Can you if that was me?

I was like, I couldn't believe what was happening, and I couldn't believe it.

I feel bad for Muse because you can't.

Muse can't really

strike back, to put it in a better way.

Like, yeah, he's new.

He can't really go as far as he probably would have gone if it was just some asshole on the street grabbing him.

You know, he's well, that's what he said afterwards.

He was like, do I hit him?

Yeah.

And then

it's a whole thing.

You know, I have to go to jail or we have to sort it out.

you know.

So he's really like, he's got no...

Wow.

And then the con itself was a con, you know, you know how that goes.

But the panel went real well.

The panel was like,

here's the timeline for me.

So

this is Sunday.

The panel's at three.

We go three to four.

By four o'clock, it's like, we're just going to leave.

So I leave.

And the panel went really well.

And there were a lot of people at the con, and

it was like a decent con money-wise and all this other shit.

So you leave on a high.

And then an hour later, we stop for dinner.

Me, Sager Mary Beth left that night.

We stopped for dinner and

at an Applebee's.

And there's some guy there who keeps looking at me like a waiter guy.

And then he comes over and he's like, oh, hey, you're,

you are, you're Brian.

You know, I love comic book men, blah, blah, blah.

And I said, cool.

I was like, when I get done, I was like, we'll take a picture.

But I think he misheard me.

So he immediately wants to take a picture right there.

So I stand up, I take the picture, and then I sit down.

And like, this guy's really excited.

And by his excitement, like other workers there are looking and being like, oh, okay, maybe I haven't seen the show, but whatever.

And then some lady, and I didn't hear this, but some lady says towards our table.

Like he's so excited.

He's running around telling everybody about him and like nobody knows who he is.

And I'm like,

I didn't hear it.

I didn't hear it.

But then Mary Beth goes, well, that's fucking rude.

And then like, she doesn't speak up at all for any reason.

And I was like, whoa, what's like, what?

And then she tells me what she said.

And I'm like, oh, that's right.

That's who I am.

Yeah.

Okay.

She's right.

I'm like, you fucking cunt.

Like, I mean, dude,

I get it all the time.

People are like, I don't know who it is, but I guess I'll take a picture.

I get it.

It's like, oh, can I do you that favor?

Yeah.

How about this?

I say now, I'm like, how about you don't get the picture and don't waste my time then?

Yeah,

fuck off.

Because then I'm in a position where it's like this one guy who's aware is excited, and I have to prove to myself to all these other people, especially the mouthy lady, like, no, no, no, I do have a certain level of

note in defending your fucking self.

I'm defending something that I never fucking put out there in the first place.

Someone did a burger, man.

I just wanted, I wanted the dollar Bahama Mamas.

I wanted my burger.

I wanted my shrimp shrimp fajitas.

And I wanted to leave and not be made to feel like, oh, god damn it.

But hey, I got a good hour of like, hey, that panel went well.

Why did it go well?

Like, what made it?

I just thought it was funny.

Yeah.

And it went well.

Yeah, because like you go into those things with like, okay, it's going to be QA.

And then we have a moderator.

So, you know, you're going to make fun of the moderator.

But like, right before we went on, I found out that the moderator worked for a newspaper that just shut down.

So he'll be out of work in like two months.

All right, you're looking at it differently.

I looked at it as something to mock.

The guy lost his job.

But so we went, we did a lot of stuff on the newspaper and all that kind of shit.

I just thought it was funny.

Like, I felt good walking away from it.

Not like, well, that tanked, you know.

Well, you didn't get tossed out like Muse.

Didn't get roughed up.

Also, didn't walk away with a security polo, but you know,

I don't know if I'm willing to pay the price.

And yeah, so then there was Applebee's.

And then, oh my God, the driving, though.

The driving.

And then, like, somebody interviewed me there.

They're like, oh, it's the Youngstown Business Journal or whatever.

They're asking me a couple of questions about comic book men.

And then they're like, you know,

because

some auto company left and this place left, he's like, you know, we've lost like 3,200 jobs in the past few months.

Like, if you were mayor, what would you do to revitalize the economy?

And I'm like, what the fuck?

Right?

What kind of question is that for a guy who is on a TV show?

Look where I'm standing.

There's a banner with me making a stupid face right behind me.

You think I should be in charge of how, no matter how failing your economy is.

They're that desperate that they're like anybody.

Yeah.

What do you think?

I mean, we're taking any suggestions at this point.

Yeah.

What was the answer?

I said that I would immediately criminalize anyone driving in the passing lane that is going the speed limit or under the speed limit.

So they're arrested, their car is impounded and sold, and the money goes into the coffers of the town.

And also that person has to pay in order to get out of jail.

A couple hundred bucks.

So you're just going to rob the whole town?

People who are annoying like that, yeah.

I mean, they do it anyway.

Well, I guess if you know the highway, you can get people, because I know every time you drive through Georgia,

they're like you're getting tickets.

Right.

And if you don't pay it, and there's no way to fight it, you know that?

There's no way to fight it.

You can't go back down there?

You have to to go back down there.

It's not like New York where you can mail it in.

Right.

Like if you want to fight, if you want to do anything with us, just pay it.

You have to go down to Georgia on a court date.

So

nobody's doing that.

No.

So just get the people that are driving through town.

Get the people who are driving through town.

Take that cause.

Whomever.

But driving that far, driving from here to Ohio and back, it gives you a special hatred for people.

And it's like, would you get the fuck over?

Please.

Please.

And no matter how many times it happens,

I'm equally shocked every time it's happening.

It's like there's no diminishing returns.

It's always the same level of like, come on.

Yeah.

Driving here is no fun every week.

It's

insane.

It's terrible.

People are insane.

I drive into Manhattan.

I know it's going to be a shit show.

We did our 200th episode of Imbratville Jokers in Los Angeles.

I saw that you recorded that.

We got Kevin and Jay in it.

Speaking of Kevin and Jay.

We got Kevin and Jay and Salam Bob up here in the episode.

That's pretty good.

That's fucking good.

Is that the one with

Festival?

Steel Panthey.

I'm sorry, Steel Panthers.

Yeah, Steel Panthers in the finale, and Jay and Zal and Bob are in one of the bits.

It's good.

It's a great episode, too.

We got a lot of good shit.

Yeah.

Kevin and Jay did great.

200 episodes.

How when does it air?

January.

January.

Yeah.

It's the long tease.

January.

Wow.

That's crazy.

And

you're allowed to talk about it?

Who's going to?

I thought that would be something like, you know, you'd want to keep under wraps.

Nice surprise.

I mean, anybody that follows Kevin on Instagram saw it immediately.

He just took pictures.

Oh, he did.

No, he asked.

Yeah, yeah.

He wasn't like.

He was like, is it cool if we put these?

What's a season comprise now?

How many episodes make up a season for you guys?

26 regular episodes, five specials.

So 31.

Yeah.

Of just that.

Then

at least 18 episodes of After Party.

20 episodes of the game show.

There you go.

Like, why is his voice all fucked up?

40 tour dates.

42 dates.

40 tour dates.

This is only a year, one year.

The busy guy.

Could you handle that schedule, Walt?

No.

You would hate it?

I would hate that.

I would hate traveling like that.

Traveling is the worst part.

Oh, yeah.

I thought you liked to travel.

You don't travel anymore.

You get to town.

You stay in the hotel.

You go see a movie.

You go do a show.

You leave.

L.A.

was fun because the whole crew came out there.

We got to celebrate our

200th episode out there.

And we were shot one episode.

We did two episodes in L.A.

that we did Universal Studios and our 200th episode.

And they were good episodes.

Fun.

But now I'm back.

Now you're back, dude.

And you're ready to do iBuy Comics.

Are you ready to shave?

That's what I want to know.

Only if we have Harry's.

I mean, well, we do have Harry's.

I talked to the Harry's guys.

What a conversation that was.

Your travel plans for the summer, where you're going and what you'll be doing, and how you won't forget your Harry's razor.

Okay.

In your own words, Walt,

where are you going?

Where am I going this summer?

Yeah.

Was Sesame Place it?

I think that may be it.

Did you bring your Harry's with you?

Did I shave your bikini on?

I definitely shaved before going in.

I thought that would be

fair to, you know, to, if I'm going to a public pool, I should shave at least.

Yeah, a lot of people do not give you that courtesy.

A lot of people, whenever I see signs that are like, don't change baby's diapers in the pool, I'm like, okay, so if you're making that rule, like I would never think of that, but if you're making that rule, you're like, somebody change your baby's head.

We got to add it to the list of rules.

What the fuck, man?

What backwards ass fucking world do you come from?

Where you're like,

out of anywhere in the the world, I could change this little fuckhead's diaper.

I'm just going to go right in the pool.

It probably only happened once, and that

was enough.

And that was like, okay, we got to put a fucking sign up.

I can't stand it, man.

When we were in Ohio, we went to this pool, and Sage was like, Come in, come in.

And I'm looking at all these kids, and I'm like, the amount of piss in that pool.

Oh, it's so gross.

I've never, I never pissed in a pool.

What makes you why?

What makes you think that kids are doing that, though?

Because I have.

Oh, okay.

I know firsthand.

Everybody's bathing in my urine.

A lot of guys, they buy disposable razors when they travel.

Can't stand them.

They hurt your face.

Harry's.

This is a departure from the other place we used to do and then fucking sold out on us.

So we're now Harry's men.

$2 a blade, Q, even with your riches.

You don't want to overspend on fucking razor blades, right?

No, man.

Why would you?

I just want something nice and sharp.

Come on balls.

Yeah, you want nicks.

Yeah.

You got to work those nuts.

You're using a razor, like a razor to do that?

You wouldn't wouldn't use a piece of like automated like uses.

Buzzers or anything?

No, no, buzzes will grab the folds and

yeah.

There's a ones one miss or one one one text that you know that you look over and see it could be like a you know then it's all over.

That's why you need Harry's, bro.

Won't cut your balls.

Make your balls like glass.

That's what Harry says.

You know.

They're big on telling me about Harry's founders.

Like half the call was like, hey, you want to hear how awesome these guys are?

I'm like, not really, but I guess you're going to tell me.

They started a razor company.

They started, well, one of the guys also started Warvy Parker.

So I'm like, how many fucking companies can this one guy start that are this successful?

He's like the Ilion Musk.

He's the Musk.

He's fucking glasses and razors.

10 million have tried Harry's.

You can claim your special offer by going to Harry's.com slash T-E-S-D.

So if you're tired of getting ripped off, you want to pay two bucks this summer.

Refresh your wallet in your face with a Harry's trial set.

It comes with a weighted ergonomic handle for an easy grip, five-blade razor with lubricating strip and trimmer blade for a close shave, rich lathering shave gel that will leave you smelling great, and a travel blade to cover, a travel blade cover to keep your razor dry and easy on the go.

So go to Harry's.com slash TESD

to redeem your offer and let them know we sent you.

I mean, it's like, I thought it was supposed to to be some sort of, I guess, go there and check it out.

There's some sort of like starter kit thing that, you know, you order and it makes it pretty cheap.

I don't know.

Go there.

Well, I got to do all the work for you.

You don't even shave.

Me?

That's what I told him.

I was like, I only shaved just a little bit, but he already knew because he had seen my beard.

But yeah, with the balls, though.

Got to keep them.

If I want them like glass.

Like glass.

Harry's glass.

That's what my name for my balls is.

It's Harry's Glass, baby.

Walter, did you see, what's her name, Dyed?

Violet Beauregard?

No, I don't know who that is.

Is it from

Willy Wonka, the girl who turned into the big blueberry?

I've never seen Willy Wonka.

You never saw it?

I've never seen either version.

No.

That's weird.

As a kid, did you not want to watch it?

I thought it was a musical, so I had no interest in it.

Oh, yeah, there are songs, but yeah, I wouldn't consider it a musical.

I assumed it was a musical as a kid, and I was like,

What am I gay?

I'd rather watch a football game or

anything other than a musical as a child.

As I grew, I became more

aware of the

broadways from

a live musical.

I think I've seen Willy Wonka on stage, though.

I did see

the Broadway one.

Oh, yeah.

That's the only version I've seen.

It sucked?

Oh, it's so bad.

Really?

Oh, I kind of liked it.

No, you got to watch the movie.

I just remembered that I saw it.

I kind of liked it.

I don't remember.

Actually, I don't remember not liking it.

So yeah.

I don't really remember much much about it.

I know there was a man in a bed with a whole bunch of other people.

Grandparents, War Pepper Joe.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's really cool.

The first movie's like weird.

It's good.

I think you would like it, actually.

Yeah, I've heard a lot of people tell me, you know, you got to watch it.

How could you have never seen it?

You don't have to watch it.

I'm surprised you never saw it, but I wouldn't be like, dude, you got to go home tonight.

And what about the Johnny Depp one?

Unwatchable, I'm watchable.

Yeah, it really stinks.

I saw it.

It was like,

whatever.

Yeah, whatever.

I don't know.

That needs to be a backstory.

There's Burton,

can he put out another movie that would like prop that catapults him back into the cat's bird seat?

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's not going to do it.

With like doing.

I don't know.

Did everybody see Dumbo?

Was Dumbo any good?

I didn't see Dumbo.

I think it kind of came and went.

Yeah, it doesn't mean it wasn't good, though.

Right.

But those movies, though, like those remakes, those live-action remakes of animated films are causing so much

accolade zone.

I don't remember seeing any accolades for Dumbo.

It was kind of like people were, as I recall, not that jazzed with it.

But the new Lion King, people are going bonkers for.

Beyonce, bro.

It's the power of Beyoncé.

Is she in the Lion King?

She's Nala.

She's a female.

She's Nala.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, and I saw that, and it was

fantastic.

Why do you keep saying that with that look on your face, though?

Like, I don't really believe you.

Oh, I swear to God.

Yeah.

Yeah, I swear to God, I loved it.

He does seem dead around the eyes today.

Did that really.

No, no, no.

I just, I just, yeah, I just said that.

It has nothing to do really with anybody other than I just feel low energy tonight.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm sure you know what that feels like.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

I thought, you know, and it's,

you know, it's tough to get to get it up.

You're embarrassed in front of Q.

Like the guy comes from 200th episode.

You know, he's like

red carpet all the way up.

He's on an AC tonight.

God knows how many people he's going to perform in front of.

He's recording

a heating unit.

We've had to shut off, so now it's all hot in here.

Like, he looks like he should have a newspaper, like, proof for proof of life type shit down here.

Yeah, it's tough to

bring your A-game.

I guess I should, though, right?

No matter where we're recording.

It doesn't matter, yeah.

Yeah, I apologize.

I mean, I'll try to.

I tried.

How much time have we got left?

It's not too late.

We've got two more spots.

We got 20 minutes.

All right.

I'll try to.

Did you guys remember seeing Tom Cruise War of the Worlds?

Oh, yeah.

I loved it.

You loved it?

Loved it.

What do you think?

I liked it.

Yeah, I liked it a lot.

I watched it last night, and I was like, fuck, man, this is pretty good.

I really enjoyed it, man.

I only watched it because of you because I wasn't going to see it.

I was pissed off because I was in the wake of him jumping on the couch.

Okay.

When he did that, and I believe everybody kind of

was

tainted and

prejudiced by him doing that.

And I think that caused a lot of

people to not come away and give the movie the raves it deserved.

I love that movie.

I was really impressed with it.

It was like the tone was perfect from beginning to end.

The tone was perfect.

It was legitimately scary at times.

It was like,

I mean, the story is what it is.

Were we recording TSD when that movie came out?

05, it came out.

Oh, I guess not then.

Yeah.

Gidham has a Dakota fanning thing, right?

He doesn't like her.

She's amazing.

She's great in it.

I think everybody, I mean, I guess the thing about the cars being

wiped out, and he's the only one that can get one car in the road.

That was kind of like.

Well, they explained that.

It was the alternator wasn't in the car when the MP went off, and the guy rebuilt the alternator, put it in the car, and then Tom Cruise stole it from him.

Right.

So they explained it, but I remember people complaining about that.

Yeah, there were other cars on the road, though.

Like in the scene where the jets in the neighborhood, a CBS van pulls up.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Yeah, so there are other cars.

Is that the movie where all the dead bodies are floating down the river?

Yeah, that's the moment I remember.

Oh, Oh, I didn't realize that they like spoiler alert for a fucking 15-year movie, but like they were using human bodies to fertilize.

They were like spraying their blood all over everywhere.

I was like, holy fuck.

I'm surprised they got away with that.

That was Spielberg.

Yeah.

I think that was better than Schindler's List.

I'll rewatch Schindler's Let's get back to it.

That's what they should have done in the Holocaust, right?

Like use the blood to fertilize crime.

I think they did.

I don't think they missed that trick.

But I thought he should have got some hardware for that movie.

Spielberg?

Yeah.

And Cruz.

Cruz played against type because he was terrified the whole movie.

He was not

a hero by his normal standards.

He was cowardly and he was afraid the whole movie.

He cried like four or five times.

Which is he had like PTSD the entire movie.

I was like, wow, that's pretty good that they.

You hadn't seen it theatrically?

I saw it in theaters when it first, um,

when it first thing, but I think I saw it during the day with some guys in the firehouse, and we probably like drank.

Sucks.

I remember.

You know.

What if there's a fire?

Fuck it, man.

Fuck it.

We were off.

I mean,

the fire dropped off movie theater.

No, we're like, we're off tomorrow.

What do you want to do?

Let's go see more of the world.

Let's get some views before.

What made you watch it again?

We shot that episode in Universal Studios

and

went on the tram tour and you go through the plane crash.

Oh, that's in Universal in Hollywood.

It's fucking unbelievable.

The entire plane crash, that whole neighborhood, they preserved and you drive right through it.

What do they use it for now?

It's part of the tour, yeah.

Wow.

We got to shoot on the

Back to the Future Courthouse Square.

We shot the intro for one of the things there.

I was like, oh, man, it's so cool.

So I snuck into the courthouse and went to the roof because security was like, whatever you guys want to do, just do it.

Don't worry about it.

It was great.

So you didn't sneak?

Ah, you're right, I guess.

He's trying to look cool.

Yeah, you're right, I guess.

Street crutch.

I know.

I'm still tough.

Don't roll out the red carpet everyway.

Well, I guess then if they caught me rooting around up there, they might not.

I don't think they expected me to start climbing sets.

Say whatever you want.

Yeah.

And it's like, what the fuck?

Kids, I went shit assholes.

What'd you think I was going to do?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Did you see the video of this guy in Long Island, the short guy at the bagel boss?

Yeah, so many people have sent this to me.

So you've seen it.

I just feel bad for the guy.

Don't you?

Oh, you do too?

Yeah.

I feel bad for the guy.

No idea what you're talking about.

That is a lifetime of frustration.

I mean, look, he's an asshole and he got what's coming to him, no doubt.

But, like, put that aside and look at the man.

There is a lot of pain.

What's he?

I felt bad for the guy.

And you get it.

This is a guy

who goes to a

bagel store.

Do we know where it is?

It's in Long Island.

It's called like Boss Bagels or something.

And I guess when the lady was going to ring him up, it looked like she was like, like laughing at him because he's five feet tall.

He's a short guy.

Grotesquely somewhat.

I thought we were putting an end to that.

Perfect.

Yeah.

And so we need it.

But after this, this.

All right.

We'll see what you think, Walt.

He's an asshole.

There's no doubt about it.

He's an asshole.

But I still feel for the guy.

Why is it okay for women to say, oh, you're five feet on dating sites?

You should be dead.

That's okay.

Who said that to you here?

Nobody.

Women in general have said it on dating sites.

You think I'm making that shit up?

Everywhere I go, I get the same fucking smirk with dividing lips.

Shut your mouth.

You're not God or my father or my boss.

Three people who can tell me what to do.

Dude, you want to step outside you ought to step outside huh

chest bumping into his waist you shut up dude for a second

oh my gosh that he gets attacked

i just wanted bagels he goes

this is a part two though there is a part two

so he

I mean that guy, he's

end of his room.

I think Ming's like 5'6 or something.

So he's I mean like is it

That's the second one.

There's the second one okay here so here's the second one

dropped his fruit

Now I'm gonna take it

all you women take kess out like shit

That's some other dude escorts him out.

As if it's like,

you know what?

Like, I think that is like,

first off, the poor guy.

Yeah.

This is a guy now saying some not very nice things about women, but look, if we're going to be realistic, the guy is five feet tall.

It's probably not the easiest thing in the world to get a girl when you're five feet tall.

He's getting it his whole life.

He's not a five-foot-tall George Clooney.

He's a five-foot-tall him.

So he's going on dating sites.

And I seriously think any one person was like, why are you on this dating site?

Go kill yourself.

Or you should be down there.

I don't know.

It's very specific.

I think probably like somebody may have said that comment once.

Do you think everyone is saying it to him?

No, but somebody said it to him.

Yeah.

He has a YouTube channel, which I haven't seen, but like I heard some of the audio from it.

He has a YouTube?

Yeah.

The little guy?

Yeah.

And it's, I didn't know his name, so I couldn't look it up.

But again, some more ranting and raving type videos.

But you're right, Q.

That is a lifetime of like, she's pretty, I like her.

And the girl's like, I don't think so, Shorty.

Do you guys want anything from Dunkin' Donuts?

No.

I'm okay.

Thank you.

Like, incel is what they call it, Walt.

Have you heard this term?

What's it called?

Incel.

Involuntary celibate.

This guy wants puss, can't get puss.

I mean, he got puss puss in his life.

Probably.

And you can, I don't understand the incel thing because can't you always pay for it, too, right?

Like, if you really want to get some, yeah, just pay for it.

But I guess, like, free puss,

ain't that great?

But it's never free, Shorty.

I got a lot of free puss, though.

You shrimp.

Just so you shrimps have it straight.

Yeah, it's never free.

But to be fair, though, do you think, though, that

it's just in our DNA, like in a female's DNA, they can't help it.

They're, aren't they attracted to the forager, the hunter,

the guy who's going to be able to protect them, the guy that's going to be able to impregnate them and continue the bloodline?

Like you're talking about like

dinobrain.

Yeah, we're talking about like those things that we can't deny are built into

like, you know, why do we like cleavage?

Well,

because it looks like an answer.

We learned that from you.

That's right.

We did learn that from you.

Aren't we in the era where we have to deny statements like that?

You're not allowed to comment on anybody's looks or anything like that.

And the number of comments on the short guy.

Looks, though, I think it's just

like.

You're saying there's this innate, this instinctual

buried somewhere deep down in a woman's mind, like a short guy, while good for like,

I don't know.

Laughs.

Laughs and awesome at music a lot of times.

Right.

You know, like, I wouldn't want to do Tom Steve Dave without him.

But,

like, maybe they're not good for other stuff.

I don't even think it's subconsciously.

I just feel like,

you know,

guys,

everybody's special and everybody's beautiful in their own way.

And everybody

blah, buddy, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

But did you also see this also?

I didn't see that video, but I did see that the Aquaman dude is getting a lot of

Jason Momoa Jason Momoa got a lot of heat for taking his shirt off somewhere and then not being not looking like Aquaman anymore mostly from Cindy Bud but you know what

Cindy's heart got broken

but what really made me feel good was the internet just came

oh my god like you wouldn't believe but they don't defend this midget they don't leave his defense because he's not handsome Jason Momoa who looked like Aquaman a week ago but next week will look like Aquaman again

oh no no that's the cynical, that's the cynical point of view.

But it was like, it was nice, though, man.

The internet really came out and swashed all the haters going after Aquaman.

Good.

He didn't have the six-pack that he was doing.

And it shows just yet again why people on the internet are fucking assholes and idiots is because they don't protect the average person.

They protect Jason Momoa.

They want to protect the celebrities.

Oh, don't you say he is a dad, bud.

He did it on purpose.

You fucking morons.

Did he?

Yeah.

He did it on purpose for a role, I thought.

Oh,

this is the first time hearing of this.

Yeah.

Oh, I didn't hear that either.

Yeah, I thought it was.

I think he just is.

Let me look it up so I'm 100% sure.

I don't think he's just not working out because he's not being an Aquaman at the moment.

I mean, that's my excuse.

Yeah.

That's why I put on 20 pounds this year.

I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my entire life right now.

Really?

Yeah, by like three pounds.

And I'm going to go ahead and say it's because I'm not in training for Aquaman 2 yet.

Now, how many people have come to your defense?

Leave you alone.

Nobody's really called me fat yet.

I'm sure after this episode, it'll come out.

Yeah.

But you know what?

But

let's, like, when the internet does something good, though, let's at least praise him.

Look at his dadpod.

I wish I could look like that on anybody.

Oh, my God.

Fuck you, man.

Jesus, he's still got abs.

He's still got abs?

Fuck you, Mama.

Almighty.

He needs to be helped.

Somebody helped that short guy on Long Island.

Really, I would love to know the statistics, like the demographic breakdown of who's defending Jason Momoa about the dad bod comments.

You know, it's 99% women, 0.9%

grey dudes, and then 0.1% people will be like, oh, I thought I was commenting on something else.

But, you know,

to be...

Let's be fair, though.

Let's be realistic.

The reason the internet is not jumping to the bagel dude is because he acted very inappropriately.

Jason Momoa

isn't losing his mind about these comments, though.

He's not going on and having a hissy fit about it.

Yeah, and I'm sure their histories are exactly the same, which would give them both the same reaction to an experience like that.

This guy sees people laughing at him everywhere.

Everywhere.

Everywhere.

Every day.

Everywhere he turns.

He's like, from his family.

He's laughing.

I feel that way half the time.

This guy?

He's five-footer?

You can make the argument, though, that this could cost Momoa more roles, more

fat roles.

Look at him.

It could really impact him.

He's still going to act.

He's gross.

A studio could be like.

We were thinking about casting him in something, but look, the internet's just calling him Dad Bodo.

Maybe it's time to look for a different actor.

Right.

So it could really be harmful to his career to have this scandal about.

Man, you've seen actors go from like fat to like...

Look at Christian Bale.

You don't think

a different weight.

You don't think it sticks to the people?

Absolutely not.

There's no one in Hollywood that's like, well, he did get a little chubby and he can't lose the fucking three pounds.

He you know, you don't know how shitty Hollywood is?

I do, but not to stars like that.

That guy's a huge star.

This could take him off the A-list, huge star list, though.

Right, next thing you know, he's podcasting in a comic bookstore base.

Pretty sure that's mold.

We have neurological damage within the hour.

Oh my god.

It's not black mold though.

It's just green mold.

We're almost 10 years in.

We're almost 10 years in.

That's funny.

Well, did you see

the new Stranger things?

I haven't seen anything.

I did see the picture of Millie Bobby Brown, which looks so much like Muse, it's insane.

I'll grab the picture for you.

I love this season, but Hopper, the cop in it,

he was the late, he was Hellboy.

And when he was Hellboy, he was jacked.

He's so overweight.

Not like fucking, you don't look at him like, look at this fat fuck, but like he put on so much weight to get his dad bod back for Stranger Things that I was, I was the opposite of him all.

I was like, that's so impressive, man.

And he lost all that weight to do Hellboy and then put it back on to do Stranger Things.

But isn't it hell of a lot easier?

Yeah, but he probably would.

But I'm saying he wouldn't.

Why would somebody want to be like, I'm in this jacked-up shape right now?

Let me throw it away for strangers.

Do you.

You got to look close at that.

Do you?

Can you see that?

Oh, yeah.

Do you think.

Oh, my gosh.

She looks like Muse.

She looks just like him, doesn't she?

That's funny.

The dad bod terminology is that

a slur?

No, I think it's an affectionate slur.

Affectionate?

I think it's like, yeah, he's got a dad bod.

I don't think people are

coveting dad bods.

Oh, that's, I disagree.

People, there, there's a there's a section, a certain segment of the female population that's like, I want a dad.

Chubby chase.

I want a dad bod.

There are.

It seems my girlfriend does.

She tells me all the time it's the most attractive body type.

You look just like my father.

In fact, you're the same age.

No older, in fact.

Jason Momoa.

Yeah, let's run to his defense.

Why are you doing that?

This shrimp over here.

I like Jason Momoa.

Because it shows the shallowness of the public.

I like Jason Momoa too.

He's great.

I'm not going to go on Twitter and be like, leave him alone.

But this is a step in the direction of

where we will start to move away from.

We'll watch a few.

Oh, so it's like baby steps?

But let's start with someone who's fucking obviously still in really good shape and super handsome and rich and has everything going for him we'll work our way to the fucking bagel shrimp

someday he'll get our pity one of these days but you know but you can't just expect overnight the internet to change and but it's oh i don't i really i'm oh no i don't i really was i really was like i was i know you're always looking for hope on the internet yeah i was feeling hopeful that like it like it was there there was a dramatic change in culture when i saw that like

99 of the world was like you know was telling people to shut the fuck up about Mamoa's dad.

I know I've dashed your hopes with the

going to this guy's defense doesn't mean that it wasn't a good, nice thing to see.

I'm sure Mamoa appreciates it.

Do you think Mamoa gives a shit?

Oh, yeah.

I think people in Hollywood are

just as shallow as the people on the internet.

I'm sure it hurts their.

I'm sure it's not cool.

I'm sure he doesn't like to read those comments that people made.

but i mean

what is a dad bud defined as now

like you're just not three percent body fat with yes that's how i'm not like joey fatone has a dad body yeah yeah that's in his latest industry instagram post jumping into his pool really yeah i probably i mean i have a dad body like the uh mamoi does not no i i i wouldn't look at him and think that no and but although i have been told like cousin helen was like girls don't really,

they say they like dad buds, but they don't, but then you hear other girls say yes, they do like dad buds.

I know cousin Helen does not like dad buds.

She's yeah, she's very clear on that.

I was like, what about me?

She's like, I don't like dad butts.

I don't like that.

She likes ripped six.

She likes Aquaman Jason Momoa.

Yeah, she was on their shaming.

Like, how much shame can you feel as Jason Momoa in that shape?

Like, in order to be shaming someone, like, they would have to feel shame.

I think this is the attitude, though, that a lot of people think about

you're on seven years of a TV show, you're rich, you're on

feelings.

You don't have any feelings.

You know, like you're world famous.

Everywhere you go, like, you know, the red carpet is rolled out, and, you know, like paparazzi are outside your door.

Momoa doesn't care if people are ridiculing him online.

I know.

I think that those are

how many slings did he take, and how many of them are serious or just like, well, we put on two pounds, so let's fucking

bad before the hammer came down and everybody started shaming the people who were shaming him.

Right.

And the majority should have the ultimate sane opinion, don't you think?

I think so.

I mean, that's what's what democracy is, right?

No, it's not.

You can still have your own opinion.

But the majority.

Jason Momo is a fat fuck.

I'm here to say it.

He's a fat ass.

That's my opinion.

That's my opinion.

If you disagree, that's fine, but it doesn't make my opinion wrong.

It is wrong, but it doesn't make it wrong.

It being wrong is what makes it wrong.

What do you think about new podcasting studio?

Just have a seat on the bottom.

Black mold over there.

Yeah.

There's a tuft of mold in the corner.

This is why I can't get in this woman's pants.

Shit, this is where I bring her.

But, like, let's say that.

My chair is three legs.

Let's say, yeah, for now,

with these dad bods, who knows how long these chairs are going to support us?

Oh, yeah.

Talk to me about a dad bod.

You love it?

A dad bod.

You don't love it?

That must be another reason I can't get in a picture.

You know what a dad bod is, like, visually?

Okay.

Do you know what I like to do?

Do you even give a shit?

Yeah, you're whatever.

Yeah, you know, but that versus somebody who's like 3% shredded body fat, like bodybuilder type.

What'd you prefer?

Dad bought over it.

All right.

All right.

Jason Momoa Aquaman or Jason or Dad or Joey Fatone?

What?

I'm going to isolate that and send it to Fatone.

She just said Fatone.

Fatone got your vote, hey?

All right.

You couldn't do Jason Momoa?

He's too big.

She's a slight girl.

I don't need him tearing her all up on me.

You know?

There's nothing left to do.

I'm not forgetting you guys are married.

Jason Momoa comes in with his dad bodies.

I'll tell you, though,

the bagel shrimp.

Yeah.

How much worse is his life now that that video is up?

He might not be any worse.

He's going to get laid equally as much.

Now he's like, he's currently going through humiliation.

He got taken to the ground.

Then once he got up, somebody shuffled him outside.

Like a child.

Yeah.

Like a naughty child.

But now, there might be some people out there who are like...

Hold on a second.

Well, you're not coming through anymore.

Can you push that into you?

Hello.

Yeah, there you go.

But now there may be some ladies out there who are like, hey, feel bad for him.

Or like, hey, you know what?

Thank God for that.

I don't care about

societies.

There's

no norms on or what they constitute as being, you know, sexy.

Or like, I,

you know, he might get some.

Yeah, but he doesn't come off good in the video, though.

He comes off like a, like a...

Like a little.

He either looks like a crazy asshole.

Or if you see what's really going on, you're like, that guy's in so much pain.

He is.

He's in so much pain that he's like, I can't contain it.

Yeah.

It's just been a bad day.

Sure.

That's every day for that dude.

Every day is a bad day for him.

The video, though.

It makes it so much worse.

The video is an exceptionally bad day.

Because I've had flip-outs like that.

Nobody recorded them.

And it's not because you're like,

my level of self-loathing is so deep that

I'm going to expose it all to you at the same time.

No, no, it wasn't like, this is what's wrong with me.

I'm going to scream about it.

Right.

And it's something so personally crushing.

Oh, hard to watch.

Yeah, you're just like, your eyes got onto it.

What about

some lifts?

Like, if you got some shoes that...

Can it lift them nine inches?

Because otherwise he's still below average got to get him to five four at least right

that would help no that means you're wearing four inch heels you're not herman monsters

i think you just gotta

i've known super short guys i've known guys that short who have not had problems getting laid right yeah i i yeah i think it is like it's a mindset man yeah it's a i mean those guys were 14.

no i remember there was a guy at uh he used to hang out at the clown prison yeah and he was he was about that size, and he never had a problem.

It's just how you go in there.

Slaying ass right and left.

It's your confidence, right?

It's your confidence.

How strong your roofies are.

It's your owning it.

It's like, yeah, I'm short.

You want to take a ride on the short bus?

He used to say shit like that.

Oh, so he acknowledged it.

Yeah, well, yeah.

Stand out on three in the morning.

That'll work.

I'll get you somewhere.

This guy could take some lessons from him then.

He can.

I mean, I haven't seen that guy in 15 years.

Like, this is the guy that people should take seriously.

Like, they go on, and it's the opposite of Jason Momoa, where they're mocking him.

And they're like, even the bagel story is like, hey, we're offering free mini bagels tomorrow in honor of

bagel shrimp.

Yeah.

Like,

oh, so they're profiting off this, huh?

So they're playing into it and being like, he's short, right, guys?

And everyone's like, yeah, let's get him.

As soon as we're done defending Jason Momoa, we'll get him.

Is society calling him bagel shrimp or are you calling him bagel shrimp?

We're calling him bagel shrimp.

You're in it now.

I don't know.

Can we get him on the show?

I'm sure

there's probably a lot of people

on their show.

We're like, except two of us feel bad for you, and the other one will not stop talking about Jason Momoa, if that's okay with you.

I feel bad for the guy, too, but it's how you handled it.

He've handled it pretty badly.

He did.

We all handled things.

The worst possible.

Oh, of course.

Sometimes that's true.

Everybody, not everyone knows.

I watched you break a phone.

That's right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I'm just as guilty as bagel shrimp.

Now, do you think?

No video to prove it, but yeah.

But if that's a fat lady, right?

If like she, a big fat lady, and like she thinks someone laughs at her, and then she starts flipping out and getting that upset.

There are going to be a segment of people that are like, hey.

Calm down, fat bagel.

You know?

Yeah.

But a lot of people would probably defend her, too, I guess.

It seems nobody's defending this guy hardly online.

But what about the, remember that trans woman that flipped out in GameStop that video?

It's ma'am.

You've misgendered me.

People didn't jump on to her slash his defense either.

They didn't.

They did not?

No, no.

There were memes everywhere and everybody thought it was funny.

You never know who's going to LSS Jason Momo.

You never know who's going to get the sympathy.

Because celebrities aren't guaranteed sympathy.

No.

You know, like, what's her name?

He is, though.

He's really...

beloved.

Well, he hasn't done anything to ruin that.

Yet he seems like he's having a fun time.

He's playing a rock, rock, rock and roll, Aquaman.

Like, Tom Cruise isn't going to get that.

He's short.

Oh, my God.

Every review I hear.

It's the religious shit, though, with Tom Cruise.

The bat shit, religious stuff that really plays against him.

I don't think it's his height.

No, well, I mean, but I see it mentioned from time to time in movie reviews.

Like, why does that make a difference?

He's an actor.

The way they frame him, too, I would never know he was that short.

Unless he's like standing next to someone.

Like, it wouldn't occur to me that he's that short.

He has the aura of a tall man.

No bagel shrimp there.

Yeah, this is something bagel shrimp definitely does not need.

Blue Chew.

Let's see.

Guys, let's talk about sex.

Good sex.

Remember the days when you were always ready to go?

Now you can increase your performance and get that extra confidence in bed.

Bluechew.com, Chew.com.

That's blue, like the color blue, or blue balls if you're shrimp bagel.

Blue chew brings you the first chewable with FDA approved active ingredients such as Viagra and Cialis, so you know they work.

Are we getting samples of this shit or not?

You got to sign up.

They sent you a code.

So you can sign.

I get a code.

I'll tell them to email you the code again.

We could have boners tonight if we want boners tonight.

I do too, man.

Who's boning tonight?

Yeah.

You can announce it at the

big show tonight.

I mean, you guys think this is my microphone, but it it ain't.

Guess what?

Spooner.

Do you ever hear a blue chew?

Then do like a live blue chew again.

They're chewable, so they work up it to twice as fast, Walt.

So you can be ready whenever an opportunity arises.

Oh,

get it?

Pun intended.

That is pretty good.

And it's just not just for guys who can't perform can't in like big cap letters.

to truly like put them in their place.

It's for any guy who wants extra function to enhance her performance in the bedroom.

For example, instance, most guys talk a good game, but if you're one and done, Blue Chew can help you follow through for round two.

That's the only guy here that's taken it.

It will make you

ready.

No, that's absolutely not true.

I've taken it too.

Oh, you've taken it too?

So will this pill make you ready no matter what?

Yeah.

Like you could look at something so horrific and you're still going to be.

No, no, no, no, not like that.

I think you still have to kind of be in the mood.

Yeah, despite the horrific stuff, you could still get it on.

Like, if you were.

It's almost hard not to get hard, but you wouldn't look at like dead animals on the road and be like, oh, what the.

No, no, no.

I'm not saying that would spun.

It doesn't make you a horn though.

I don't know what's your thing.

But let's say, all of a sudden, let's say you're like, you took it and you're like, all right, I'm starting to feel the effects, and all of a sudden, then I was like, well, look at this real quick.

Would that make it go

like Jason Momoa picture?

I guess it depends what the photo was of.

I don't know, like, you know, decapitated.

like a kitten or something like that.

Yeah, I think that would make it go down.

So this pill is not

foolproof.

We could put it to the test.

I will.

Here's the tell him Steve Day Bluetooth guarantee.

Over the next week, I will take it and then I will watch Pam go ask to mouth with Edgar.

And if I can maintain an erection.

Did you use my Bluetooth code?

I did not.

No.

Where's my Blue Chew code?

Who emailed it to you?

I don't think he's on any of the emails, so.

He never answered anyway.

TK, did you?

Emailed me the other day.

Okay, I just assumed.

So Harry's.

Okay, then you should have got the Bluetooth one.

Maybe he went to your spam folder.

Well, he went to your spam folder because, yeah, it has like erection and Viagra and all that stuff in it, so I may have gone to a

jump.

So let's say, yeah, let's say you are in the middle of

performing with Coinus, and

you get a phone call.

Yeah.

Terrible news.

Yeah, does it go not like a cartoon?

Like,

terrible news.

Shrimp Bagel killed himself.

Like, who?

I think it would eventually, it would start.

I don't think it would be like a light switch, but it would start.

It would start.

But

what if you took two Bluetooths?

No, it's, but you would be able to get it back up again pretty much.

If you took the whole sample packet once,

like, it was like, it was bad, like a death in a family.

That might stop.

Well, wait, yeah.

Which member?

Like a summit may make it harder.

You know, but it was like, or like, maybe there's a catastrophe on the news.

You just have to look up and you see, like, oh my god, it's 9-12.

You know, like, there's something on the news that's kind of like really brings you out of the mood.

Can that, can the blue chew be negatively

offset?

It can be offset, but I also think you could work through it if you wanted to.

It depends how little you care about

the world in general.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, all right.

So, you get a free, I mean, wait, you get a special deal.

And, girls, you can get this too and give it to your guy if he's not getting hard, you know, to your specifications.

Maybe it'll make that rod a little more sturdy.

You can't make them taller, but you could make them harder.

If you buy enough Blue Chew, maybe you can stand on it and gain an inch or two, but you don't really want to do that.

Visit bluechew.com and get your first shipment free when you use our special promo code T-E-S-D.

Just pay $5 shipping.

Again, that's B-L-U-E-C-H-E-W.com.

Promo code T-E-S-D to try it free.

Blue Chew is a better, cheaper, faster choice, and we thank them for sponsoring the podcast.

Oh, thank you, Blue Chew.

Thank you.

All right.

So the

episode.

So

don't send this in on

the ad, whoever sends the ad clip in.

But there was some chatter.

Some listeners were disappointed we were pushing a product of this ilk.

Why?

How many people did you rally?

Because you were the first one.

But why?

It's medication.

It's for enhancement of your already

doing sex life.

But like,

really,

yeah, there's people who really need it, though, and you're like, you're taking valuable medicine from them.

I don't think it's a limited supply.

I don't think so.

I don't think Luchu's like, our reserves reserves are depleted.

How badly do you need a boner?

But I mean, again, no, some people are disappointed.

There was, I mean, just a little bit of chatter.

Not enough to make me go, like, we should reconsider Blue Chew.

We're still on board.

Still on board the Blue Chew training.

What was the point of the chatter?

I guess because there's

feelings that it's three-legged tripod cherry working up for you.

Kind of shady, maybe.

I don't know.

They really didn't.

But I mean,

if the FDA is allowing it, they're allowing it.

They've never allowed anything else before.

Oxygen.

You know that.

You can trust the government.

Yeah.

I think people are willing to risk it, though.

There's certain drugs that people are like, I'll risk it if this is the benefit.

And if it's like you can't get a boner and you're like, I don't know, maybe it might raise my blood pressure a little or whatever.

I'm not even sure what the side effects are.

These Simpsons pops are the ugliest fucking design I've ever seen for a toy in my life.

Those are horrifying.

How bad they are.

Oh my god, they're so disgusting.

Look at that.

Why would you take...

I guess you're...

That doesn't look like gross.

You're like, you mean the yellow?

It's the yellow, and it's like a fucked-up Moe?

Yeah, to me personally, yeah, I don't see it

looking any different than a regular pop to me.

Yeah, it's all limited by that shape.

So it's really never going to look like him.

Yeah.

Pop's still going, huh?

Oh, yeah.

How?

It's just

this

era of time, you know, it's still like it's still pop culture still.

But it's been a decade now.

Of shit.

Of useless shit.

What, you think that's going to end?

No, but new useless shit, at least it's the same useless shit.

Well, I mean,

there's an expiration date on everything.

They don't even look that different from each other.

It's not like one looks that different from the other.

I fucking hate pops.

Really?

Wow, this is.

I don't think we should say

we may want to cut this because if we do high buy comics, we can get a lot of good kick-ass sponsors.

Don't worry, it's going.

I'll take it out for you.

This guy, this random raven like fucking bagel shrimp over here.

Yeah, you're going out of the limb here.

You're really like, you're, you're going, this is like going after

like a beloved It's like going after Jason Momoa, for Christ's sakes.

They won't make Impractical Jokers pops.

Oh, they fucked up.

They just probably aren't paying the price that whoever owns Improve.

Yeah, how much are you greedy fucks charging for you?

Yeah, that's the problem.

You know they would have did it.

They would have pulled it out.

The Tenloin's ones, they can cut out.

They don't use the Impractical Joker's name.

But there has to be a reason why they have it, and it has to be money.

I've speculated this in the past.

Every motherfucker come in that asked me, how come there's no Impractical Joker's Pops?

I'm like, how the fuck do I know I want to go?

Hold on, let me put on my present and a fucking Funco hat, you asshole.

I'm just bitter, man.

But yeah, I mean, you know, I mean, you must know why there aren't any.

What are you talking about?

We have action figures, Mio, and shit like that.

Right, but why are no, why no pop?

No, Pop got the head up their ass.

No, you, it has to be because

you heard it.

Don't cut this out.

It's in there.

Fuck Pop.

You're taking a stance.

Until when?

Until they fucking eventually meet your fucking demands.

Well, then I'll read.

Then I'll read this.

Yeah.

And I'll be here to to back up.

Oh, God.

Do we have another ad?

We do, but we do.

We got to get going.

Yeah, because I'm sure they're

sweating their asses off upstairs.

I know, as we are down here.

Oh, this one's, you know what?

I'm good.

Really?

Because I'm ready to strip the

Maimiundis, boys.

Oh, that is a company I can get by.

Summer comes with a number of awesome perks, vacations, beach days, barbecues.

But the one perk that outshines them all is summer-themed undies.

Courtesy of you guessed it, meundies.

Miyundis is the only brand that lets you eat pineapple while wearing pineapple undies.

I don't know if that's necessarily true.

There's no other underwear with pineapple undies.

A little dubious, but still, let's go.

Hey, you're meundies, whatever you say.

Or watch the sky light up on the 4th of July, knowing your meundies are doing the same.

When do you think underwear was first invented?

Victorian?

Probably Victorian time.

Hold on.

Don't you just keep reading.

Well, that's not the rail list for you to go on the internet.

I know.

I just want to know what underwear is in fact.

Now nothing's more important than finding that out.

Do you think

it was instituted?

Why do you think there was like we need to have something in between our trousers?

I think it was because they didn't want to wash their pants all the time.

They're like, we need something small that we can wash.

1849, Walter.

You're probably right.

So, wow, so underwear is a relatively new invention.

And Myondi's in, it's like tech, man.

women had an 85.

Like today seems, yeah.

1840.

The ancient Egyptians sometimes wore loincloths.

But it was really the 19th century that,

I guess, women started wearing knickers and shit.

And

that was where it started.

So, yeah, Victorian, pretty much.

Murray doesn't wear on the west sometimes.

I'm almost creeped out by it.

Who?

Murray, Murray.

Murray.

I was like, why am I?

What is that, man?

What is that thing?

Like, I know girls do it because they want panty lines.

That makes sense.

But if Murray doesn't want panty lines,

why is it okay?

That's kind of sexist, though, if it's fine for the female girls.

Murray is, though.

You didn't say guys in general.

No, I.

Why is it sexist?

You're just like, that's fine if a girl wants to do it, but it's not fine if Murray wants to do it.

Should I have clarified attractive girls?

So that would be less sexist?

Yeah.

And guys who are.

You can guys who are under

Guys who are under 5'8.

I didn't define attractive.

Black Bolt is eating at his

he's saying things that are really nice.

I love it.

Why are you talking about it?

This is not the company line.

I thought that you'd find it.

Suck the company line.

I made 200 episodes.

Suck my dick.

No, I didn't define what attractive is.

That's whatever it means to anybody.

Okay, all right.

You're right.

But why is...

Maybe we find this room being attractive.

It's not up to me to say.

See, there's not a lot of people do.

But why should Murray

be.

Why should you look at Murray differently for not wearing a door than, like, let's say?

Because I have to stand next to him, which means that there's only a thin layer of cotton between me and his and his balls.

And he don't use Harry's.

If he had underpants on, then it would be like an extra layer.

If he pulled his pants down, you know.

It would be 100% more protection.

Yes.

Yeah.

His pants aren't going to fly off.

They haven't happened in the first 200 episodes, have they?

His pants have been off.

Yeah.

Well, you got to have a whole bit where our pants get pulled down.

Oh, yeah, I heard your pants got pulled down in this one, too.

Yeah.

Over 200's pants got pulled down.

Tommy Dreamer got my balls out in the middle of a New Jersey mall.

And then something similar happened recently.

Oh, you went nude?

I didn't want to.

But you actually did a nude scene?

He had to do a meeting of Diva down Hollywood Boulevard.

They had to delete the footage.

I thought they would just digitalize it out.

They gave you a jock?

Oh, it was an accident.

It was an accident.

Oh, okay.

It wasn't.

Well, it depends on who you ask.

So everybody saw it then, huh?

Who was it?

Oh, yeah.

Bystanders?

Oh, that I don't care about.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, that would traumatize me.

His blue chew was in full effect, though, right?

I'm fine.

That doesn't bother me.

I was worried about there being any kids around, but there weren't.

There wasn't.

You don't want to be the next Epstein, right?

No.

Lolita Express.

I think you're one of those people that are like an exhibitionist.

No, I don't think that's it.

Did you get off on it?

Is what he said?

Tommy Dream pulled down my pants and I just shot a load against the storefront.

Perverted sicko.

That uh

he's like, unexpectedly, someone pulls my pants down.

Waltz, like, put him in jail.

I don't know.

I don't know the context.

You're just throwing out names.

You just throw a name.

Tommy Dreamer.

But somebody pulled my pants down.

What the fuck is that to me?

I'm like, Tommy Dreamer.

He pulled down.

But it doesn't matter.

My point is, I didn't.

I thought it was something that you agreed to do beforehand.

You don't, there's no context for me saying that this was not yours.

I'm a victim.

I'm a victim.

And my genitalia was exposed.

I do love that.

You're like, there's no context, but you're a piece of shit.

You're a sick person.

Just to be safe.

You see in his face, I'm like, were you traumatized by that?

He's like, and you're like, yeah, you can see that, like, not at all.

And he's like, kind of like, like, thinking back on it.

It was a little exciting.

Reminiscing on it.

Yeah.

Got in his jollies, like they say.

Wait a second.

Wait a second.

So

could you have done something to make sure your underwears would have stayed up when he pants you?

Trusted the person who did it.

Yeah, he was not supposed to do that.

He was only supposed to pull the pants down, leave the underwear up.

But you didn't wear, you didn't wear extra tight underwear to make sure that didn't happen, knowing full well that this was going to happen.

Why weren't you uncomfortable for 10 hours in case that happened?

Because

the because he wasn't even supposed to pull pants down, they were breakaway pants.

He was supposed to just tear them off, but he purposely grabbed the boxers and yanked them down.

And

I was sexually harassed twice.

Yeah.

He was a friend of yours.

Yeah.

Yeah, it would be,

he wouldn't be a friend of mine no longer than anything.

Where's my

me too?

I was me too.

But what if, okay, so you get your pants ripped down on this set of comic book, man?

Everyone has to do that.

Everyone knows we're going to pants each other.

And we're going to, maybe the bit was we had comic book underwear underneath us.

Right.

And if one of you guys pulled and tested,

I would be, I would, it would be

over.

Yeah, I wouldn't explain.

But what if some people started praising your cock?

They're like, oh, dude.

They're online, like Jason Momoa style.

Your dad cock is so hot.

Yeah.

Yeah, I would.

I want to get me some.

Tell them, Steve, baby.

Wait, wait, we've got to finish this.

Let me get the cock.

I don't want to go out on that.

Okay, well, hold on a second.

We'll redo that.

We love the undies.

That's all I wear.

I have so many now, I just started not even opening them.

I'm going to save them so because

how much longer could I live?

How much longer could I live?

That, like,

see, I don't.

I open mine up and immediately put them on the next day.

I love the new pair because the new pair does feel different than a pair that's a little bit more.

Is that the pineapple one?

The orange and yellow one?

Yeah, those are pretty.

Do you get them, Q?

I got them, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Let's see.

Every two.

Yeah, but they send me boxer briefs.

They don't send me.

Talk to your boy DK.

I'll tell him.

Just regular boxers.

I'll do it.

You don't have to do that for me.

Let me take care of your underwear.

Q.

Come on.

Look out for new summer themed prints dropping every Tuesday.

They make the softest lounge pants and onesies you've ever felt.

And you can match your pup with new buddy bands.

Let's say you had a little bit of a bagel shrimp syndrome down there.

Would the situation,

would your feelings be a bit different?

I'd probably have been embarrassed.

Yeah.

I mean, every time you take your pants down, that's the deal, right?

You're embarrassed.

You've got a microphallus.

Let's say Wendy, you're ready to rock.

It doesn't,

it's like impressive.

So he's

the grower, not the shower.

Yeah.

So then you'd be like.

I don't think that.

Well, you could just make yourself hard and be like, see, I told you.

Look at that.

Look at it.

Thank God I had that blue chill.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Let me give the code.

Come on, man.

I even did the dog.

It was great.

Do the code.

It was great.

Well, you guys keep cutting me off.

They have a great offer for listeners for any first-time purchase.

I don't want to listen to a fucking ad when you purchase any fucking three of them in one.

15% off in free shipping.

This is a big fat duh.

Get 15% off a pair of the most comfortable undies you'll ever put on.

To get your first pair, free shipping, 100% satisfaction guarantee.

Go to meundis.com slash T-E-SD.

That's meundis.com slash T-E-S-D.

Hold on, we got one more ad.

Do you like bagels?

Hold up.

The episode is not over.

That's right.

Some bonus TESD content.

Courtesy of Mr.

Matt Brady.

He sent us in the Youngstown Comic-Con comic bookmen panel.

And we want to thank him for that.

So big shout out to Mr.

Matt Brady.

Love the name, Matt.

Keep it up.

Thank you.

Brian Johnson, everybody.

Brian Johnson.

Brian Johnson, everybody.

All the way from New Jersey.

Ladies and gentlemen, that was the most insincere

I have ever heard.

Holy crap, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Me, Chen, Mike Zaptic, they're all here from the comic book men.

It was a fantastic show.

Right now, you probably are still following these guys.

All about the podcast.

Ryan is telling Steve David.

You tell me, you're the moderator.

You're the guy who is like, I'm in charge.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I have the ratings.

I believe I told you I was doing this.

You don't need to look it up.

Yeah, seriously, that's on Wikipedia.

Okay, go.

No, absolutely.

Yeah, let me change that right now.

Oh, you're a famous football player.

The other is Brian Johnson.

Oh,

right.

The other cohort from the Comic Book Men.

Now you're just embarrassing yourself.

And Brian Gwynn.

Ming and Mike have the Ming and Mike podcast.

And you just opened...

A shared universe, a podcast studio.

A podcast studio to help young people, newbies who are just getting into podcasts, kind of learn the deal, and they can talk to you about that, right?

That's right.

Learn from the best.

That's right.

Who was the best?

Us.

Oh, that's me.

Yeah.

Just making sure.

Wow.

I thought maybe I met Brian.

You can learn from him, too.

So, anyway, if you have questions, raise your hands.

We'll

be here for an hour or so.

It's your floor.

We want to hear what you have to say.

We want to hear your comments, your questions.

What he's saying is not true.

It's our floor.

And we decided to share the floor with you.

That's very nice.

I appreciate that.

This is your first moderating job?

Last, actually.

Yeah,

last moderating job.

He's on his way out.

I'm on my way out.

Paper's done.

The Vindicator?

Yeah.

How about, like, I saw there was some ad space down there, maybe Shared Universe.

Oh, at the Covelli Center?

Yeah.

He has to come down, we're advertising a podcast here that only exists in New Jersey right now, so you gotta come all the way.

Yeah, why not?

Why not?

Take the eight-hour drive, folks.

It's worth it.

Is there anybody actually, you guys still hang out at the stash, Secret Stash, and Red Begg?

Well, I mean, he has to.

He has to.

Hang out, work.

Work.

Draw a paycheck.

Yeah.

Well, I was there about a year ago, and I asked for you guys, and I said, no, we're just the real workers, is what I was told when I was there.

Was it a Sunday?

Yeah, it was a Sunday.

Yeah, seriously.

Those guys are hilarious.

He's got an

imaginative name like Sunday Jeff.

Our friend that only works here on Sunday.

Sunday Jeff.

The first ad for a Klondike bar was done

in the Vindicator in 1922.

Wow!

Much like you, I was staring at my phone

right before we came out.

That's the key, though.

So you almost have it down.

You just do it right before, but you can't do it while you're here.

Yeah, that's true.

Were you guys put out of business by other papers, say like the Chronicle Telegraph?

Yeah, what paper are you going to deliver now?

Nothing.

No.

Great.

Not that anyone cares about the Vindicator, but the

media age.

It's a media age ring.

You know, I mean, right now, this is family-owned 150 years.

By now,

90% of your newspapers are corporate-owned, and so they can amass resources, everything from healthcare to you name it.

They've been family-owned for 150 years, there's nothing to amass with anymore.

What was your position at the paper?

Managing editor.

Managing editor?

Kelly Jones from our copy that's in the overseas.

Oh, so that's why you care.

She cares.

He's not who he thinks he is.

So, would you like now?

This is my floor, I'm going to give it to you.

Tell him to go fuck himself.

There's nothing he can do to you.

Yeah.

Okay.

I have just two days shy of eight weeks, but I'll keep them in mind.

Eight weeks with eight weeks left?

Eight weeks.

They're not going to fire you with these.

No, they won't.

That's what we're saying the whole time.

They're not going to fire you.

So yeah, then go ahead.

Yeah, I'll do it.

Brian, grab him by the arms.

Come on.

Okay, you send yourself.

It's like Penn Station.

There are children pressing on the phone.

There is no children.

There's no children.

No.

Clearly, I'll introduce her to Kelly Jones.

If you don't think Kelly speaks her mind, you've never met Kelly Jones before.

So that's...

You've had to edit stuff that she's written?

No, she's in the copyright.

She has the type of stuff that we edit and

what I've been writing.

I've actually been there.

Have you rewritten his stuff without telling?

What's that?

Have you rewritten his stuff without telling?

Well, he.

I'm an editor.

Yeah, we're both editors, so I'm true.

Oh.

But I thought that's what editors do.

Don't they like correct punctuation and

run papers into the graph?

I like to pick myself as a pilot of the Hindenburg of the 21st century.

All right.

How many people work there?

I think including Carrie's like 140.

Oh, like that is like 12.

Some guy came up to me yesterday.

He was with like the Youngstown Business Journal.

Yeah.

Maybe that was it.

And asked me a couple questions.

Like, you know, boilerplate, is that what you guys say?

Sure.

Okay.

And then he asked me, he was like, you know, Youngstown has lost 2,000 jobs to auto something.

Yeah, the Chevy Cruz was made down the road with Lord's Town.

Piece of shit.

Chevy Cruz?

Anyway.

So then he was like, you know, we lost 1,000 jobs of this.

And then he told me about the paper closing down.

And he's like, if you're the mayor, what would you do to bring in business and revitalize the economy?

You're running for mayor?

Vote Brian Johnson, folks.

Like, why are you asking me?

So he's asking me, Jamie, I'm standing behind a table selling.

I'm going to write my name and I'd be like, do you want to give me money for that?

That's what I do.

That's your marketable skill, signing your name.

Maybe we should get the tow to get one big table.

I mean, I'll get behind it and sign our names for March.

What would you guys do to revitalize the channel?

Yeah, what do you guys think?

I know so much.

Reinstate the mafia.

Move?

Reinstate the mafia.

All right.

That's a good solution.

Yes.

There used to be a big mob presence in this area.

Was there like a big ceremony where they decommissioned the mafia in this town?

It wasn't like that.

They just went after people and then once they did that, the town was going to be a lot of people.

There was no one left.

So stop prosecuting the people who are bringing money into town.

Exactly.

I like you.

Thank you.

I like you too.

Thank you.

New Jersey.

That's

the home of the mafia.

I mean, we still have an active mob presence there.

And God bless us because

our friggin trains run on time, puzzles.

What kind of statement is it that a lady dressed like that has it like she's got the answer?

And these two fancy pants.

I don't know, it's not okay.

What kind of statement is it?

Suits, not white-collar shoes.

Yeah,

you know what I always say, Ming.

What do I say about the suits?

I hate the suits.

Hate the suits.

Hey, let's hang out on our birthday suits.

I don't think I've ever said that, but

you've said it plenty of times, and tell them, Steve, Dave.

So, yes.

So, now we're going to open up the floor to somebody who's not associated with the Vindicator.

Excellent.

Anybody?

Anybody?

There was somebody who said that.

Did you print any fake news?

Which side of the spectrum you're on, I guess.

Yeah.

What side did you lean on?

I mean, like, alt-right?

Totally alt-right.

It's like the Turner diary.

I mean, our editorial page has Ann Coulter and other people on it.

So it's amazing when people say, well, it's got, you know, doing the liberal stuff.

Damn, not really.

Okay.

So you guys are fair and balanced?

Just like Fox Leaves.

See where I got you?

That's why you have to lean on one side, real hard.

Just say shit.

Just like the mob.

Yeah, that's how you sell papers.

Tomorrow's front page is about your mayoral bid.

Let's see how that works.

What?

Do you think you could save the paper if you do start printing like the mob is back?

Right?

Show resubscribe.

I know you.

You run out of the eight-week clock, right?

Good deal.

She's like, this is my lively.

This shit isn't funny.

If we did, I don't know if we would survive.

But we physically would survive to the next day.

Maybe not.

Who would?

The mob?

Yeah.

Because the mob is back and they don't want you telling everyone.

Yeah.

Are you saying the mob is against free speech?

Is that what you're saying?

Not to identify me.

I'm really not.

Connie Jones, everyone.

Who has questions?

Wow.

Let's talk about this.

Who's got questions?

Raise your hand.

There you go.

Sir, what do you got?

When I found out you guys are going to be here, there was just the one question that I wanted to ask you the most.

What farm animal do you like to be?

No, nothing like that.

I wanted to ask you,

what was it like being in Stan Lee's presence?

I never got a chance to be him.

That's more for you guys.

Well, you spent more time with Stan than we did.

Well, you were on the set of Mallrats with him.

Yeah, we didn't hang out that much.

I mean, Stan on the set of Mall rats.

Okay.

But we hung out a little bit like how we went.

I mean, he was a cool guy.

Yeah, he was a fun guy.

He was spry.

He was a secret stash once, wasn't he?

What's it?

He was on the Secret Stash.

A couple times, yeah.

Yeah, he got on the show twice.

It was cool.

He hung out for like four hours.

We had lunch with him.

Every day for lunch, he had an egg salad sandwich and a milkshake.

So I think that might be the key to long life because he's moved to 95.

At least Ming hopes so, since that's what his diet consists of now.

But

what's that?

Am I in the egg salad?

I mean, I'm getting there, yeah, man.

But yeah, pierogies.

I need some progies out here.

But he was basically stuck with us for four hours.

So we were like, hey, man, like, who'd win the fight?

Like, Hulk or like three form.

And yeah, we were peppering with dumb questions.

And we're like, hey, would you mind signing one or two things?

And then we put this big stack in front of him.

But to his credit, he was like, yeah, man.

He went through that whole pile.

like a hundred things.

It was cool.

It's like having God walk through the door though,

to guys like me and Mike.

He was was like, who's this guy?

No, actually, God would have...

I mean...

God wouldn't have said so many nasty things about that young artist.

We can't talk about that.

But that was actually, you bring up a really weird point because that was

our least favorite and yet most favorite

season that we did because there was so much fighting behind the scenes.

Our producers, the three producers that they brought in,

how do I put this diplomatic, were douchebags.

and they were absolutely absolutely no concept of what the show was, which was just it's it was us.

Well, they had never seen it before, no, but they were gonna make it better.

That was their idea.

Yeah, somehow,

and they hadn't, they were

three complete morons.

One of them is not even in the business anymore.

The other one is like a traveling vagabond, and the third one, his wife is like a higher-up on a network, and he kind of suckles off her teeth.

I'm just thinking, like, you guys have eight weeks left at the Vindicator.

If we give you their names, can you run a smear camp?

Yeah.

Because I know at least two of them are running for mayor in this town.

Against Brian Johnson?

Jesus.

How stupid can you be?

I know.

But if you Google the New York Times comic book against Stanley, there's like a scathing article about how the producers made him wait and like he was treated

on our set.

And it made us look bad, but like, you know, it wasn't our fault.

Yeah, there was a brief period in American history where people were totally anti-comic book men.

No, most people were like, what is comic book men?

But the 30 people who watched, they were like, we hate comic book men now.

Why was he so universally beloved?

Like, it was.

It was cool to love Stan.

It's still cool to love Stan.

Yeah.

Is it?

Oh, yeah.

If you love Stanley Stan?

You getting love doesn't die, Brian.

But there's only a certain amount to go around.

That's what my parents told me.

And so, which is really weird because you were the firstborn, so you should have had like the top up there, but no, no.

They were frugal.

Yeah, gotcha.

They wanted to see what their options were before they committed.

I got it.

Let's see what happens, okay?

We don't love this one at all, right?

And then we'll wait two years to have another kid, and then we'll know from this litmus test.

Not really human anymore, but a litmus test.

How this is going to go.

Is anybody about.?

Hey,

he's kind of old.

How old is he?

Three.

He's three.

You have already bonded and stuff?

Forget it.

There was an experiment.

I can't remember what the name of it was, but it was a guy, a doctor, who had a kid, a young

toddler, like infant.

I don't know.

When do they start toddling?

Like three.

Eight months.

Eight months.

There's like ten months.

Kids don't toddler at ten months?

Yeah,

sometimes?

Yeah.

All right.

And he starts repeatedly exposing them to this fuzzy rabbit, but like making this loud clanging noise because he wants to see if, you know,

if this is going to scare him after a while, just seeing the rabbit, which of course it did for the rest of his life.

And I'm like, I guess my parents weren't that bad.

Right.

They weren't that bad.

Right.

They didn't experiment on you.

Yeah, but like, that's like Nazi doctor shit.

Sure.

No, I am.

Sure.

Sick.

I I don't know.

Okay.

You're just sitting there, like, staring out in the space, going, ah, memories.

And just.

I don't think I could be curious enough to be like, let me see.

Let's see what happens.

If this can make my kid burst into tears just by showing it to him after that.

Right.

But you're also missing the point, my kid.

You know, if it's like some random kid, it's a lot easier.

It's like, you're clinical, you're detached.

But if it's your kid, it's like, what kind of monster are you?

Did that answer your question, sir?

Yeah, how do you feel about Stan Lee now?

I feel Stan Lee though, yeah.

It was cool.

It was damn awesome.

Stan was a great guy.

Stan,

if we had gotten to season eight

on time,

instead of like maybe five years from now, we had gotten to season eight, we would have had Stan as our secret stash softball manager.

Oh.

That would have been awesome.

How does it change your opinion if

it turned out most of the Nazi war criminals fled to Argentina, but one fled to America and started a comic book?

Indisputable.

There's pictures, and he's like one of the cooler guys.

He's not responsible for like the most atrocious of the atrocities.

It's just like...

Basically, he's like watching the food line or whatever.

Would you not love Stan anymore?

Or would you be like, no, it was a different time.

Stan only had to disrupt.

Yeah, he did what he had to do.

I would say, yeah, it was a different time.

Different time?

What if he was like the editor of Ubermensch, like over in Germany?

And they had their own little comic.

We were just going to print all the true news, and then, of course, it went to shitter.

Yeah.

No comment.

No.

Really?

Anybody have an answer to that?

Anyone able to love Stan the Nazi man?

Would you take a comment from him?

Like, if you're doing a story about the Kanye, like, I talked to one young man who seems awfully, like, complicit, one might say.

Yeah.

Man, okay, with Nazis.

That's just the tip of the iceberg, buddy.

Well, then we wouldn't have any awesome Wolfenstein games.

Wolfenstein?

Yeah.

Really, that's what you took away from World War II.

A video game?

I feel like a lot of people would be like, why not?

Harrison Ford might disagree with you, but

I'm looking.

We're looking for hand.

Yeah, all right.

Good question.

Who else got one?

Oh, you, yes.

What do you got?

What was the coolest item you saw coming in the stash?

Oh, God.

Besides Stan Lee?

No, I mean, like, say, somebody that brought it something self-you know how subjective that is.

Do they strike you as cool?

Like, they're going to be the fucking barometer of what's cool?

Again, all relative.

Yeah, like.

I'm not saying I am, but Christ all knows.

Guys, wearing a vest.

Yeah.

He's wearing a completely unnecessary vest.

I like the pockets, though.

I was already making fun of myself.

The only vest that's necessary is like a bulletproof vest if you're a cop.

Or the youngstone, yeah.

What was your thought when you came in this morning where you saw him in the vest?

What was the first thought that came to your mind?

I can't wait to the panel.

Yeah.

At some point,

I really shouldn't have worn this Hawaiian shirt, though.

If I'm going to throw stones, I really shouldn't have it.

My very first thought was: I wish you didn't wear a t-shirt under it.

I wish it was.

Oh, yeah.

Why are you wearing the shirt on?

I don't know.

You don't need the shirt.

I'm sorry.

It's good.

Ladies, I'll be taking it on.

Would you consider stepping out for a minute, taking the t-shirt,

and coming back with just the vest, and we finish like that?

Would you consider?

Yeah, come on.

Who wants that?

What's

being the gator?

You know, you want to see it.

I know if you want to see it.

I don't have to see it.

I'll do it if you take off your shirt and sit next to me for the whole time.

No?

No taker, sorry.

What was the question again?

Coolest thing that came in the spot.

Not Ming Chen.

I'm trying to derail this bullshit.

I really am.

I'm a big G.I.

Joe fan, so there's that episode where that dude brought in that big giant aircraft carrier, and I ended up buying it.

When it came out in the 80s, and I was like, mom, I really want that.

She was like, you were never going to own that.

One, we're not buying it for you.

And my.

So we have to go drown your sister.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I want it because it was cool.

And then the kid who lived behind me, who I absolutely hated, he got one because his parents just got divorced.

So he got whatever he wanted.

And he called me.

He's like, I got it.

I was like, God damn it.

And then I went over and he put the stickers on it and everything, but it wasn't the same.

And it wasn't until 30 years later I was like, all right, I'm going to buy it now with my own money.

But it was like 10 times as much as it was when it retailed.

And I was like, dang it.

But I got it, though.

One of my favorite stories about Ming and toys is

him wanting something and not getting it, of course.

That's a part of the story.

It's almost like once upon a time.

You don't really need to say once upon a time because everybody gets it at the beginning of a fairy tale.

And with Ming, that is like Ming wanted something and didn't get it.

Yeah, and pairs were really cheap.

So he found something.

He goes around at night like a trash can raccoon, like looking for sustenance, which in his world is toys.

And love.

He found a toy, right?

Yeah.

There was no garbage can in the house.

Like, people would rather throw out their love than give it to me.

I did.

So that same kid, I guess his parents, when they got divorced, his dad, I guess, cleaned out whatever was left in his bedroom.

He had, it was called the Terra Drum.

It was this big toy in there.

And I saw it in the garbage.

I was walking past his house one day.

I was like, holy crap.

Which really, to me, sounds like precious.

I was creeping her.

So I went, I fished it out, and it was intact.

Like, you know, he didn't, you know, like, I just, it wasn't in the can, it was outside of the can.

So I took it.

Which makes it much better, folks.

I took it home, and it was, I was like, awesome, I own this now.

But then, like a month later, I guess he had come back to pick up whatever was left.

He came to my house, and he was like, where'd you get that?

I'm like, I dug it out of your trash can.

Dude, your dad threw it out.

And he was like, yeah.

All right.

And then he went home and I guess he had an argument with his stepdad or whatever.

And then all of a sudden the door, like

and his dad and his mom, and he was there, and my parents were like, What's going?

What happened?

What's going on?

And he wanted it back.

I was like, You can't have it back.

It's like I got it out of the garbage, but my parents were like, Just give the little whiner, just give the little asshole his toy back.

We do not want to deal with it, so I had to give it back.

Really?

Did they say, did they call him an asshole?

Or did they meet him?

Like, asshole.

Give him back.

No, no, no.

No, no, no, because they knew.

They knew he was a freaking spoiled.

Like, yeah.

See, why did you take his phone calls?

And why did you let him into your room with the terror drome in there?

You knew that door knocked and he's like, I figured he'd come in and look at your toys.

I figured that he had so much stuff that he wasn't even going to miss it, but I was wrong.

You were very wrong.

I was wrong.

You should have just been like, I had it.

Yeah.

I know.

You know what?

His name was.

That's where I got it.

How about that?

There you go.

Exactly.

Well, now I know.

Thanks.

Where were you guys 30 years ago?

Thanks a lot.

Here.

Thank you.

I'm still completely focused on Ming's remark earlier where he was like, it wasn't in the can, it was outside.

That's how he justifies all his college experiments.

It's all technicalities.

Small details.

Small details.

But that was my favorite thing that came in.

Do you have one?

No, I refuse to answer that question anymore.

And seriously, dude, this...

You might have had a favorite that never even made it on the show.

I do.

Actually, there is one thing that I'll tell you about, and it had to do with you.

And I think I told you about this.

Some guy brought in

a two-headed pig fetus in a jar of formaldehyde.

And he's like, I want to sell this.

I'm like,

to me?

I'm like, we're a comic book shop.

He's like, yeah, but I've seen your show.

You buy weird stuff.

And I'm like,

this is really fucking weird.

This is something that's dead and floating in alcohol.

And you're trying to sell it to me.

People on this question, there they go.

I know, yeah.

They're not buying.

You're lying to cool stuff.

I know.

It was pretty cool.

It was.

And I actually, I kicked myself in the ass.

I should have bought it from the guy and given it to Brian for Christmas.

That sounded good.

Gidam probably would have loved it.

Or eaten it.

I'm sorry, Giddam.

Giddam would have actually fucked it.

He would have loved it in the way that Ming looks for love.

Yeah, gross, right?

Good question, sir.

Good question.

Anyone else?

Yes, your question.

Do you have any good suggestions

in the comments section

for people who are just starting to read comics books?

That's a good question.

Can you do me a favor and forget everything you've heard up until this moment?

Oh, funny.

Well, at least we taught you something.

I thought that was the only case.

Yeah, I know.

I thought we were safe after

you subjected him to the rabbit torture or whatever, Brian, taught you into doing

I grew up reading the early Avengers comics.

It wasn't even that early.

My first Avengers comic was 214.

But I think this kind of gives you a little good snapshot, especially if you've seen the movies now.

And if you go back and read some of the older Avengers, you get a good history lesson.

The really cool thing about comic books these days is that they reprint a lot of the older stuff because nobody can write anything new.

So you know.

And most of the people who are laughing are people who are trying to read new stuff now.

Go back and you can read from The Avengers and The Amazing Spider-Man.

Go from the beginning.

That's the best way to go.

I don't know.

Is that true anymore?

Yeah.

A bunch of crusty old white men, superheroes, zero diversity, women

objectified.

I don't know.

I don't know if Mike's steering you the right way.

He's

cool, though.

So I guess that's the right answer.

I got a thumbs up from her, so we're good.

Thank you, Isabel.

I know.

Good question.

Good question.

Even if you tell a really crap or ask a really crappy question, you'll get that thumbs up from Ming at the end.

So

you're sure to get some approbation today.

And I see no more hands, Ming.

You scared him away.

Are you guys having fun?

Is this your first time in Northeast Ohio?

They're like, I don't know if they're going to answer you, you asshole.

No, you.

You.

Yeah.

No, no, they live here, dude.

I'm asking you guys.

People actually live in Youngston, yeah?

Well, we're like in the house now, but I grew grew up in Youngstown.

Yeah, like when

I told somebody I was coming here, they're like, oh, Youngstown, like, that place is a shithole.

Don't mistake any shit here.

I'm not going to comment one way or the other.

But I like shitholes.

Yeah.

I don't want to live in a shithole really, necessarily.

But like, coming to a city that, like, I was reading about Youngstown, Ed O'Neill.

Yeah, he's from Youngstown.

That's pretty cool.

And very like storied and has a rich history, history in this time.

So like reading this Wikipedia, which I'm assuming most of it's true,

I found it fairly

illuminating about the area and shit.

But

going around, everybody hates where they live.

Everyone.

Oh, yeah.

Like we were just in Washington.

People are like, this place sucks.

It's boring.

And then, you know, we went to Kentucky.

This place sucks.

Nobody likes where they live.

Not even the people with legal weed like where they live.

What the hell is up with that?

How can you not like a place with legal weed, for God's sake?

Wait, what was I saying?

You were talking about Youngstown, how much uh, I don't know if you liked it or not.

Oh, and you were telling me that he had a really shitty question.

No, that was a that was a question for you.

I was going to go to the hotel and then to uh Barry Dingles.

See Staples.

It's closer.

What is it?

See Staples.

That's better than Barry Dingles.

To me, it is.

I don't know about it, so.

No?

Or both.

Wait, someone says no.

throw it down.

I was also ashamed for liking Kane's chicken.

I showed a little bit of excitement, which I normally don't do because this is the kind of thing that happens.

We were going to...

Who shouldn't do?

Well, you know,

I was going to breakfast with Mary Beth and Sage.

Yes.

And

we passed a Kane's chicken.

Yeah.

I was like, oh, Kane's chicken.

I was like, I went there.

It's really good.

Like, Ming showed us.

And she's like, it's overrated.

Who cares about Kane's chicken?

And like, I started feeling bad about being excited about Kane's chicken.

Really?

Yeah.

You got shamed?

A little bit?

Because it's not like Kentucky fried chicken where you see it everywhere.

Right.

And I showed just that little bit of like

positivity.

Yeah.

See where it got me?

That little flame of whatever you want to call it.

And someone peed all over it.

In an age where you can do anything.

And they're like, you can't shame them for that.

Yeah, and you got shame for liking chicken chicken.

Shame for a little too much.

Wow.

Yeah.

This is where everybody goes, oh,

poor bride.

Yeah,

got shame for being a caniac.

Yeah, do people here like, do you all like caged chicken?

Who thinks it's overrated?

Who agrees?

You?

Well, I know you do.

That's because we don't get nothing.

So when it came, it was like lines around the block and they had to have cops.

So I wanted to get curious for this.

That's our first one.

That's our first one.

So when I got there, I'm like, wait, I had to wait for like three weeks to just die down for this.

Okay.

I rolled right past the menu because I didn't know they only had four things on on the menu.

Yeah.

I'm like, oh, this must be sales.

Specials.

Yeah.

It was like literally like cops directing Africa around there.

I'm like, that was overrated.

Wow, if it's.

Can you stand up for a second?

Doesn't he look like tall Joe Gatto?

Yes.

He does.

He does.

Right?

He kind of looks like Ledondo.

A little bit.

Yeah, he's got a little bit of Ledondo.

Yeah, he's like, no, no, no.

He's like, no.

No, no, no.

Or Chris Ledondo.

If there are that many people lined up around Cane's chicken, should they just open one on every block here when that revitalization?

Well, then a week later.

Have you guys thinking the thought about going to a Keynes-based economy?

Yeah.

Pretty much you work up.

You should have wrapped the chicken in a vindicator.

Well, it's all it's good for now.

You know, you get Keynes bucks when you work.

You don't really get real money.

It's like all within Youngestown.

Which would become Keynes Town?

Which would become Keynes.

Yeah.

Sponsored by Keynes.

There you go.

what about the vegans

are there vegans in ohio yeah seriously

you're a vegan okay

why not is it an ethical choice a moral kind of yeah really i mean why would i want to eat something that's dedicating carcass why not why wouldn't you be good because it's delicious you know why because it tastes good that's that's the reason if it tasted like shit people would be like i'm a vegan too

check out the hotel actually had really good vegan burger you wouldn't even know that it was because

that's a lie.

No, you had the real burger.

I had the actual tasty, but it wasn't.

It's like this thing was like, okay.

Damn straight.

Oh, yeah.

You know, you got to go home with it, right?

So you best be saying that that was the best damn impossible.

That was an impossible burger.

Eating a vegan burger is like, okay, here's a real woman that you could bang and she's hot.

And here's like, not even like a real doll, but one of those old blow-up plants.

Like it has seeds and shit.

You know, on the side that gets scraped

yeah yeah and and the mouth is always like yeah

and fucking that thing instead like come on

why would you do that so i'm confused now are you calling a blowfall or something that only what your fiancé told me earlier that's

i'm not saying yeah he didn't say it he didn't say

that he cared for a hot night so just like i was smelling food are you guys on a break now if that's what happened

the paint thinner oh yeah i went to a convenience store that smelled heavily of paint thinner.

We went in there, we thought we were gonna die.

I was hoping that I was gonna be able to buy some meth, but it turned out they were just doing like work.

We thought there were a lab, there was a meth lab at the back.

I want to get in and out before it exploded.

I mean, we're in Ohio, right?

That has to be has to be a lot of meth labs around.

What about meth?

Could you legalize meth with a note?

Or just not even legalize it, but have a meth-based economy.

And we already have a delivery system for the newspaper.

We can deliver that.

Oh, dude.

Yeah, seriously, you're screwed.

Listen up, Harry White.

You're pretty much done.

Keeping hope alive.

What did the newspaper report on?

Like, was it national stuff or was it mostly like local?

Oh, mostly locals.

National.

Change chicken.

That was popular day two.

Like, is it local stuff?

Locals.

Okay.

Local.

Did you know a lot of people?

Like, if it was like the police plotter,

yeah, you would know people?

And would you be like, good, good.

Like, you're glad you can write about him because he's in a very good

public record.

You're like, Chet Jones got busted for having a meth lab in his garage, that dirty fucker.

It was in the police before we

okay, that's cool.

Hey, Ming, I just found something out.

What's that?

The Gibraltar Center.

We went to a con in Michigan, one of our first.

Okay, and we went to it, they had it in a place that was

half like

event center and half flea market.

So

we were

comic books,

gun show, and flea market.

Yeah, like foam rubber.

It was freaking great.

But I found out that they closed the Gibraltar center because they had an underground pot farm.

Oh, really?

So literally underground.

Underground.

Underneath the Gibraltar,

the center, they had a pot farm.

That's crazy.

So, right?

Have you thought about having a pot-based economy here in Hamstead?

But this place was in Michigan.

It's legal there.

It is now.

Right.

It wasn't then.

Oh.

So now they can come back then?

Sure.

Wait, this was.

Great question, Ming.

This was not a privately owned.

Yeah, it was.

Somebody privately owned it, and they were privately growing weed?

Yes.

Oh, okay.

I thought it was like this place, which is like, was this run by the state or something?

The city?

The Covelli Center.

Covelli Center is a city-owned, privately managed.

Managed by the Vindicator.

I'm trying to learn all this stuff so when I come up with the new Youngstown budget, like that guy wants me to.

Why did you ask me that?

How did you ask me that?

How did you answer the question then?

I told him I would raise revenue by

criminalizing people who drive in the passing lane and won't go to the speed limit and won't get the fuck over no matter how many times you flash your life.

So yeah, like you criminalize that, you take their cars away.

Mandatory prison time.

You take the cars away, you then auction their cars, and then they have to pay all those fines and

all that other shit because I can't get money for it.

Yeah, you can't buy it.

We're talking about stimulating the economy.

Sure, you can.

You can sell it to vegans like this and pass it off as an impossible burger.

Well, let me ask you a question: Why do vegans try to make things that look like food, like meat-based products?

And why do you think that we don't try to make meat look like broccoli?

There's a reason for that.

More importantly, answer this.

And write this down because it's on record.

This is important.

You're the only vegan here.

Excuse me.

Who?

Bing, bing, bing.

I'm the world's fattest vegan.

So

you're the only person in here that counts that's a vegan.

You wouldn't say it out loud.

You might say it to your guy later on, but you think you're better than all of us, don't you?

You're on a moral high ground.

Actually, because when we go out to eat, it's 10 times harder for me to find something on the menu compared to him.

He could just get, like, the dedicated carcass, and then there's me and it's like.

Get out of here.

It's harder for a vegan to eat at a chain restaurant than a regular person.

Are you right?

I'm crazy.

My mind is blown.

This is noodles.

No, because, like, why should everyone do what he eats?

Yeah, like, there's nothing there I can have.

Like,

yeah, okay, I can have fries, but I mean, you can't live on just fries.

So nine times out of ten.

Tell that to Walf Lanigan.

That's not true.

Well, he's not here, so I I can't.

But a lot of times I just get a salad.

Like, that's my only choice.

You were covering shit like this, right?

Because now I see why I want to have Walton.

This is not a great story.

This is even an anecdote.

You went to Keynes and you got a salad.

No, like, I don't even know if they have salads.

No, they didn't have a salad at Keynes.

So you went to Keynes and got nothing.

That's even more boring.

I know.

See, that's how you lose so much weight, is because you can't eat two-thirds of the time and you go out.

So you're always hungry and cold.

Oh, I'm Italian, so I am always hungry.

And I am always cold anyways.

Let's talk about you being so much older than your boyfriend.

Where did you guys meet?

Worked.

We worked together.

We worked together.

At the Vindicator?

Not for much longer.

Honey?

Talk about your restaurant.

I actually work at a restaurant.

Ironically.

And you serve meat, so you give meat to people?

I did.

Aren't you betraying?

You're not better than us.

You're not better than any of us.

You're the same.

You're the same as all.

On orders.

Literally.

I was actually, after he quit, he came in to eat, and he was actually getting bacon and sausage.

And I was like, I had a salad.

All your stories ended with I had a salad.

No, actually, it was breakfast.

I work marine shows, so it's breakfast.

I can eat breakfast too,

just not dedicated.

Go on.

Why'd you open leaving at work?

Quite part of our job.

Was that the first fight?

Yeah, what was your first fight about?

Probably over, like, he ate my cheesecake.

Is there anything in your life aside from food?

She did say it's Italian.

Cheese isn't Italian, and I thought cheese was vegan, right?

Cheesecake isn't vegan.

Well, the whole thing at the menu is like vegan cheese.

Did you?

Disgusting.

She's crying about this.

She's trying.

I don't want to hear it.

So that's the avenue you went down and you hit the dead end and you're like, son of a bitch.

It's all your fault.

Why wasn't there a sign?

Oh, there was.

What do you got?

So since you've been here, what is the best cosplay that you've seen?

The best cosplay?

There was this

unbelievably original daddy's little monster that I saw.

So rare to see that.

I don't know.

I don't really know.

The dude that was dressed up like an Adam Ant, that was pretty cool.

Oh, no, a Captain Kangaroo I saw.

Yeah.

Yeah, he was good.

There's a Dunkin' Donuts guy.

That was the same guy?

All right.

it's very clever.

Wait a minute, hold on.

That's why I didn't get my coffee?

Shit.

Alright, I gave him two bucks, too.

Would I be allowed to cosplay as Jared from Subway?

Would they allow that?

What do you think?

Would anyone really recognize you?

No, you play, because remember, he was real into Little Asian Girls, so you play my Little Asian Girl.

Not cosplaying that, but okay.

Talk in that real high voice like they played.

Right, right.

Like a geisha like that.

Yeah, I got like a sub in my hand hand and the molester.

The second you see Jared's glasses, you're like, he moles children.

It wasn't the most shocking, bro.

How could you not know just by looking at the frames?

I wonder, you think they would let me do it?

Oh, Greg's not here, Darren.

I was looking forward to that.

I'm actually watching the people who are wearing glasses to see if any of them are going to take them off.

Like, oh, fuck.

Is this something you've been working on?

Like, have you

for the past 45 seconds?

That's right.

Nothing's more important right now.

Do I really look like Joe Guy?

I mean,

that would really put us.

You got into the Cosplays Not Consent campaign, I think, if you dressed like Jared from Subway.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Anyways, your question, sir.

Yeah, so you talked about the one season where you had some bad producers.

Any good stories to share?

Dirt?

You want dirt?

Especially from the TV perspective of it, you know, just talk about the show and your experience with it.

What are the times?

You know, like you're supposed to.

Oh, what were the good times?

Yeah, like.

I'll leave that to you guys.

No, I'll come on.

I'm like admire.

I'm more of a bad.

Actually, you know what?

The second season was some of the best episodes we'd put out because we pushed the envelope.

We did a lot of shit that.

We did a lot of stuff you'll never see.

Yeah.

Like, we did a reenactment of, like, Ming, you got kicked out of your house, right?

Well, I mean...

It was the reenactment, yeah.

It was a reenactment where Ming got kicked out of his house.

His wife kicked him out of the house, so he went down to the stash and he slept in the basement.

And we

got like a midget, like a little like a midget guy to play Ming.

Because Walt, Walt thought that he saw a ghost down in the

like a troll.

He thought he thought he saw a little troll running around the basement, but it just turned out to be me.

He had like a towel and he had been brushing his teeth.

Yeah,

it was like foaming at the mouth, yeah.

So he shot all of this, but um, or most of it, we needed smoke in there, so they trucked down a smoke machine down there, and all of a sudden all the fire alarms went off

and then so i i so i'm down there i'm like can i leave you at like no no we're shooting this and then all of a sudden i hear this huge army of fire trucks coming down down the store because set up the fire alarm and the fire marshal and like this whole team of fire guards come down to the basement i'm in a towel like brushing my teeth so they run this corner they see me i'm like hey what's up guys

and they're they're looking around and we had like stuff piled up to the ceiling so i guess we had violated all these fire codes oh my god like they looked at us like we were hoarders like oh my god like how did we not see this like you just got to clean this up and i'm like what's going on we never they never like that they shut us down the other one yeah they shut it down so we never that never saw the light

to shoot the rest yeah that was fun to do but that's the thing season two they would tell us they're like you're gonna do this i would be like no we're not they'd be like yeah you are like no we're not and ultimately they they can't force you to do anything like when these guys got married

the first time on tv not the second time the penalty in real life yeah um

they wanted to like we did like a 12-hour day at the auction and then we went back to the store.

They were like, all right, we're going to shoot that scene now with the wedding stuff.

And it's like, no, we're not.

Like, we want it to be like, we want to be like a whole thing, like a presentation, not these guys in the same exact clothes they were wearing, although Mike was in events, so he looked fancy.

You know,

we're like, we want to make it a whole thing.

And the guy's like, all right, well, one of the producers, like, all right, well, I'll go check.

I said, I'll talk.

No, I said, I'll go talk to whoever, uh jordan i said i don't care who you talk to we're not gonna do it yeah

this is a red ginger guy always pissed always flushed and um

he uh

and then we didn't do it that day we we shot it a different day they they just they had ideas of what they thought was funny these are not funny guys so they didn't know it was funny um

kevin said we're not gonna do the

like you know they call it an otf on the fly interview like somebody goes to pawn stars and there is a camera on them like, hey, why are you bringing this in today?

And he's like, because I want money.

It's always the same thing.

It's always the same thing.

So I don't think I'm going to be able to do that.

I lost at the tables.

What the fuck?

Nobody really cares about the story.

They care about.

Yeah, and they're like, oh, I'm hoping to get five grand for this.

And then they go back to him at the end.

It's like, well, they gave me $5.

Somebody brought in a quilt with autographs on it.

He expected to get $50,000 for it.

And I think that just turns down entirely.

Yeah, is this the Pawn Stars QA?

Yeah, I don't think so.

It's in the next row.

Well, we thought that I would find your World War II memorabilia over there.

Yeah, but that's boring.

So instead of that, we did the podcast table stuff instead, which I thought was way more interesting.

But they insisted on shooting these interviews with the

store anyway.

Month.

They wasted one of our camera crews just to talk to these people.

And they kept coming up to us and being like, hey, you guys are going to back our play, right?

You're going to talk to Kevin about getting these OTS.

We're like, fuck you.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm going to go against Kevin.

Yeah, sure.

Zero respect for these guys.

They just wanted it to be what they wanted it to be.

I'm sorry?

Did they care if you the fetal big guy?

No, he wasn't on camera.

He came in during the offseason, and I was like, I'm still kicking myself.

If I ever see that guy, I'm going to give him the five bucks he wanted.

Yeah, he should have bought it, man.

I don't see why you wouldn't have bought that.

Like I said, Giddam was around.

He thinks it's a free buffet.

No, it's not.

Relative.

So yeah, there was oh you were looking for positive stuff.

That's

pretty positive telling those guys to go fuck themselves at every turn to me is positive because people I don't like being told what to do generally

at all specifically I was thinking the other day we were watching a sneaky Pete and there's like one point where somebody's like all right you're coming with me

Do you know how like how rarely does that happen to you in real life?

Like if you're unless you're being arrested when you're a kid,

hardly anyone ever says, hey, you're coming with me.

Or like being kidnapped or something.

But in real life, almost never, right?

When's the last time somebody said to you, hey, you're coming with me?

I mean, obviously, earlier today.

But before that.

And you, anytime you eat.

So

you hit a loss.

Was that positive enough for you?

I just thought it was interesting when you said that the producers were like the worst.

And it just, you don't hear that often.

So I just.

Oh, they sucked.

We'll continue to talk

shit on it.

We can cover another hour of just their bullshit.

So.

Oh, hey, you know what?

I can tell you.

One of the things they did was like, I used to wear different, like, these guys all work there, so they have these staff shirts on.

And

I'm a little high, that's why I'm distracted.

And I don't know why I'm telling you this deep, and that's off the record, by the way.

So there were a whole bunch of, were you a cop?

No.

Auxiliary or something?

But I got to wear any shirts I wanted generally.

And I would like pick five or six from the first season.

So second season, they're like, oh, it'd be cool if you could just wear a staff shirt.

And I'm like, but I don't work there.

And everybody knows I don't work there.

So I'm just going to wear, you know, the shirts I normally wear.

And I had like probably five picked up.

And then he's like, hey, you know, it'd be easier for editing if you did four.

And then it was easier editing if you did three.

He's trying to get me down to one shirt.

And he kept annoying me about it.

So I was like, all right,

I'll wear one shirt.

I agreed to it.

So I made a t-shirt myself.

It was a white t-shirt, and it was a giant cock with two lightning bolts next to it.

And it said dick magnet.

And so I wore it in the next day, and I was like, I picked my shirt.

This is what I'm going to wear.

And he's like, just wear whatever you want.

Right, man.

Don't let anybody tell you what to do.

Yeah, you'd be surprised.

That's for all you kids out here.

Don't let anyone tell you what to do.

The whole time, you could have been basically giving him the dick magnet treatment, and you didn't even know it.

That every turn.

What?

Yeah, she policies you're around.

She does.

Have you guys clashed about a story?

Yeah, have you bought it here?

I like this should be on the front page, and he's like, No way.

Let me just try to sum up.

And I think you agree that she agreed the other day, so you better read now.

I did this page, this alumni page for the employees of the paper.

And I told him, I said, oh, I can't believe I'm actually doing this, but I'm speaking of our friend and you on Facebook.

And he goes, oh yeah, go ahead, go ahead.

And I'm like, I think I'm going to like you a lot better outside of work.

Yeah, yeah, a lot of people say that.

I think outside of work, there's a lot of...

Not that we don't get along with work.

Because we do.

Sometimes.

But.

Not for much longer.

I'm going to worry about it.

What are you going to do next?

I'm hoping to take a nap right off the bat.

After that, I don't know.

The world is yours.

You're like Scarface and shit, right?

Yeah.

Going across the sky.

Have you considered trafficking in cocaine?

Have you thought about a Coke base?

It worked for Scarface.

Didn't really work.

called it?

The something lives.

Todd, our editor, when he takes kids through to do tours,

I was thinking I'd just be an assistant to

Bobalpet here or Jackson or whatever it is that particular weekend.

You're looking for an assistant?

I would check on his former assistants first.

And I have a question: are they going to let you keep the building?

I mean, because, I mean, what if you guys barricaded yourself in the building?

Yeah.

That would get you national exposure.

Right?

And then on top of it, like, people would be like, you know what?

We should save this paper.

Probably.

Or, but maybe.

Exactly.

Or we should storm this place, kill everyone in there.

And

here's where they got them.

Just like

this guy will vouch for their

efficacy, cyanide pills, right?

And

he rallied.

And when this came out, I mean, you have to have a sick mind to be a journalist anyway.

Like, look at this.

The circulation went up.

It's data.

Okay, who is going to sacrifice themselves?

You know, could we start picking?

Can we get to move on the island?

Let's go here to see if it works for us.

Nobody?

No takers?

Wow.

I thought there was like journalistic integrity.

No.

No, you guys suck.

You deserve to be closed.

Any other non-vindicator

non-vindicator questions?

Raise your hand.

That's all people care about.

Did you guys have the comic strips in it?

Color comics every day.

Color every day?

Every day.

There you go, guys.

Yeah, you should just went, like, Ziggy don't need no color about it.

Waste of money, right?

Yeah.

Total waste of money.

Like, you think of all those pages added up every day over the course of how many years if you'd just gone black and white instead of been like, I don't know where you're going we're the vindicator for everybody else now look at you

you're moderating this shit

come on I'm gonna start picking so many things you can

do

is there anything

that happened that you wanted to have air that never got to air

aside from the reenactment with the midget

yeah that was a cool story

like that something that had well like Mike said Stanby and the team manager.

Yeah, that would have been cool.

Yeah, Smash Softball League.

Yeah, that would have been fun, man.

I wanted to reenact the gay volleyball scene from Top Gun.

That was in the works.

Yeah, we were all practicing our spins.

They wouldn't let us do that.

I asked quite a few times.

They would not let us do it.

We wanted to do the dunking booth.

But we wanted to do like a customer appreciation barbecue out in the back.

In the back parking lot.

In the back parking lot.

But there's a huge dumpster there, and that's what we, I mean, this thing's, it has visible stink lines coming off of it from surf taco.

Oh, it has a fried taco joint next to it.

So, yeah, grease trap back there, like where they dump all the stuff.

So, it's like nasty.

We wanted to have like a barbecue back there and just have that be like our special guest star was the dumpster.

So, that would have been great.

How far was the last season storyboarded?

What was it?

No, no, no, no, no.

Storyboarded.

Oh, Mr.

Color Comics over there.

Storyboarded, nothing.

Most of the stuff came from us, Walt, and we came up with the story idea.

Oh, you mean if you had story plans

for the next season, it didn't happen?

No, we

there's stuff that we wanted to do, but not stuff that we had formerly proposed to do.

Talk to people about podcasting.

No.

What am I coming with you next?

Now you don't want to talk about podcasting.

Exactly.

I want to know the one time you got Ming Chen to not talk about podcasting.

Holy crap, good job.

Podcasting might have killed the papers at this point.

Yeah, you should be like, let's stay the hell away from podcasting.

And this lame duck over here is trying to boss you guys around.

I think it bossed her out a little bit more, but not these two.

This gentleman's got a question.

I'm just curious,

if you had the chance, would you make the comic book men that you wanted to make instead of the producers overseeing it?

Like, Like,

we've heard Walt a lot of times on the podcast say, hamming it up, would you make

your comic book men?

Would you do, if you had the chance,

would you do?

Brian Johnson's comic book men?

Yeah, they like

that setting, but

not so

over the top.

Like your comic book books.

What's that supposed to mean?

Yeah, I mean, no.

We can make it a production.

Yeah, no network would allow us to do it like the way I would want to do it.

And it would mostly be language and some of the stuff being a little more like real.

It became too fucking Scooby-Dooish at a certain point where it's like, Michael Coulter, what are you doing here?

It's like these people don't just walk in and this stuff just doesn't just come in.

Like the only thing, I mean, it is pretty scripted, like in terms of like a framework, but the stuff that's important to me, like the banter and the back and forth and that shit, none of it's scripted.

scripted.

Nothing is wrong.

Yeah, that was all us.

So, to me, I mean, you have to set it up somehow.

If it's over the top and unbelievable, it should be.

You'd have to be a fucking idiot to think that that shit was really happening, you know.

So, to me, yeah, the stuff that we said, the conversations, were far more important than the actual framework of the show.

So, I guess maybe I'll just try to make this stuff a little more believable

than, you know.

Obviously, they had to come up with shit in order to make.

Do you have to do multiple takes on certain jokes?

Did they make you do that or you're like no guy get it?

I didn't like to do it.

I didn't like to do it.

Like I would usually say something different because it just doesn't seem the same.

Second second season they always wanted to do more takes

And they tried to hey say it this way.

It's funnier and no, it's not No, you guys are the three least funny people on the face of the

Yeah, I think by the third season we didn't have to do that anymore.

They we they found budget for another camera so like we could cover everything so we didn't have to repeat anything.

And then one year we had three cameras on us, it was great.

But yeah, Brian Johnson's comic book, man.

I'd be down for that.

Or would I?

I'd

like

to get out some of those old school plastic fucking dolls with the seams, right?

Right.

Some more Asian jokes, like anything goes, right?

They wouldn't let me, they wouldn't let me do that.

That was regrettable.

They wouldn't let me do the Ming voice.

They wouldn't let me do it.

Yeah, no Asian jokes.

They even cut one joke from the

remember the stand-up night?

They took your one joke.

Oh, yeah.

Stand-up night,

we did a stand-up comedy night, and Quinn from Practical Jokers was the MC.

Yeah, so we had to come up with a stand-up act.

And one of my jokes was, let me try to think of the exact phrase, and they cut it, not surprisingly.

It was like,

what do

you think?

What's the difference between Superman and Ming's parents?

Only one of them is grateful to have a yellow son.

Brian Johnson, everywhere.

Brian Johnson.

They were allowing me to say it.

Good joke.

Good job.

Not bad, right?

Not bad, but yeah, I guess there's such things like the Anti-Asian Defamation League, and they didn't want them coming out on AMC.

Like, you know, they were like, no.

I'm like, really?

We're afraid of them now?

And yet they have that other show where they bash an asian kid's head in until it's a bloody pulp and that's okay and they don't let they but that's too hot for amc i don't know man

amc was all over the map with that kind of stuff they were and now there are no asians on amc so what's up with that are they all gone pretty much yeah purging you guys can cover that maybe

yeah the asian purging i mean i'm not saying that's why we're we got canceled but i'm not saying that's not why we got cancelled i'll go so far as to say it's definitely why we got canceled yeah because you're Asian.

Yeah.

All right.

Wow, thanks, Ming.

It's not my fault.

Yes.

So,

how would comic book have been different if Q was on it and Q hadn't been already committed to Jokers?

Because he wasn't.

This is like,

how would you revitalize the economy of young summer?

You're acting as if it's a fact.

I'm like, well, here's how it would have went.

I don't know.

The problem, because wasn't he supposed to be on He was in the sizzle reel.

What part would he have played in that scene?

I don't know.

I don't know, because it never got that far.

But I argue that, like, if he had been on it, it might not have worked.

Because then it's like me and Walt and Q and just ganging up on me or ganging up on Mike.

I don't know.

Somehow it's different if it's just me and Walt ganging up on Q.

Like that's enough.

Or you add another one if it's too much.

It seems semi-fair if it's two against two.

so

yeah because you have like the four roles filled out you have like the fastidious businessman which is walt the fucking bootleg asshole which is me

the knowledge guy which is mike and then the regular asshole guy which is me you know

so like there i don't know if there's room for another i never could see how he did that

Sure he regrets not being on it, though, right?

Because he could be doing this instead of

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Plus, he knows fun.

Selling out cruises.

What could it be?

Do you think he doesn't?

He's on a pretty damn successful show, and we're here.

Being covered by the Vindicator.

Yeah, will anything go in the Vindicator about this?

Really?

There's no...

Is it because of language?

No, but come on the front page today.

The town comes on the front page.

No, we're talking about us.

We're you guys.

Yeah, we're narcissistic bastards.

Come on, what do you got?

Not the rest.

I didn't mean this particular panel.

I meant like,

do you guys have a plan?

Kevin was on the front page Saturday.

Today's front page has, you know, some cosplay, Saranko, some people.

Forget Methrick Keynes.

It's like an entire USCU-based economy of what it is.

Like, we're going to do a story about LaDondo, and then a story about this guy who kind of looks like Joe Gabby.

And someone claims he looks like Ladondo.

I need someone to fact-check.

Who is Chris Ladondo?

Vegan?

Jesus Christ.

Oh, man.

Scrap him.

I'm taking that out of the headline.

Yeah, like, have you done any stories on veganism?

About all the places I can't go eat.

But I always.

That's a scathing expose.

But on a side note, I actually was covered for paranormal in Vindicator.

So I guess.

You were a paranormal?

Yeah.

Oh, remember that nice ghost picture I showed you?

Yeah, she showed me a picture of a ghost.

I was being polite.

That didn't look like a ghost.

That's your biggest moment.

Do you have a question?

Mary Beth tells her, she's like, I tell her some of the things I say at Khan's, and she's like,

you're a bully and you're an asshole.

No, no, that's just justified, though.

And I didn't understand it at the time, but she's like, you embarrass people.

You know that, right?

And I was like, I don't think so.

And she's like, no, you definitely do.

Why don't you ever ask me?

Yeah, you definitely do.

It's justified.

What was your question?

My question is, for of you, including Walt, versus a practical joker,

death cage match, who cares up and who wins in the end?

Definitely we're winning in the end end because they are pampered pussies now.

They wouldn't want to mess up their manicures.

Right, they can't buy their way out of that fight.

This fight.

You couldn't even begin to plumb the depths of anger that Mike and I hold.

Oh, my God.

So, like, I've known those guys for decades and I love them.

I'd still fuck them off.

Give them the chance.

I've known some of them for a couple of years, and I would back Brian's play.

I'd be like, all right, we're two-on-one.

We'll go after that guy.

You guys were hurting?

Yep.

All right.

Who are you punching first?

You.

And I'm going to say it's one of the things.

I was going to say it's one of those.

Oh, my God.

Look at what Sal did to me.

Everybody.

And then.

Friendly fire.

As far as Mike and I are concerned, it's me and Mike versus.

And if we can somehow manage the last two men standing,

some two have to die.

What was the hardest hitting thing you ever

were involved in?

Yeah, what was the most

like the most scandalous one?

What got the most feedback?

Not the fake news I would talk about earlier.

Let me tell you, as far as hits on website and everything,

I kid you not when we posted that that stupid King's chicken thing was open.

I'm not kidding you.

But as far as news stories, I mean, I've been there almost 29 years.

So I've been.

And the biggest story was King's Chicken Opening.

Which I just heard secondhand from her.

And that was fine.

I wouldn't need to read a whole story about it.

Your encapsulation was perfect.

Have you thought about hiring her?

Not a great benefits package at this point.

What are you doing for the next eight weeks?

I mean,

hey, we could all die tomorrow.

We've had some

corruption stories.

Like murder most fouls, something like that.

Corruption.

We have a lot of political corruption.

Officers.

Murder, where

you don't have scanners anymore so you know you hear what do you mean you don't have scanners like police scanners yes what do you mean who's we the the paper yeah like you oh people don't oh you're not allowed to yeah they they digitize so you can't listen anymore you have apps you can listen

don't you have apps

vindicator doesn't recognize apps

their system is not on an app oh okay So piecing things together, doing research through like Facebook and stuff like that to find out the potential gunman.

That was, I was on that night.

Did you find him?

Yes.

Yeah?

Yes.

But we can't print anything until we have confirmation.

Two sources?

See, again, it's

to be legit.

It's all this integrity that

Facebook's not a legit sort.

Hey, I'll put it on Wikipedia for you.

You've got a closed source.

Isn't that what you do?

A closed source said.

No.

That's all you got to say.

Yes.

What are you doing?

You're not going

clearly i'm not yeah you guys have to do what everyone else is doing like do you see how fast people rush and print shit that is 100 not true yes

all you need to do is be faster than them they're all still

you're just faster than them but you guys are like how do you work facebook again

no it's his app

and this is the truth like usually because like i'm from not a good area pen youngst town we usually know if somebody got killed we know before we put it in the paper anyway who got killed, who killed them.

Who's on the ground reporting?

You measuring her assistant.

Friend her on Facebook, all right?

I've reached her.

Like Richard Johnson.

I look like Kevin Smith.

Any other damn vindicated question?

Can each of you tell me what you think the best and worst thing going on in comic book culture right now is

that question no wow they pay for you to do stuff

no uh best and worst yeah

to me it's the same thing the movies

it's great to to get people aware of you know comics and the stories but by the same token they don't send people in to buy comics so screw that noise

we want your money where these guys are exactly where the vindicators are yeah right

yeah all this uh rebooting with number ones and stuff to boost sales.

It's short-lived.

It's short-sighted.

Doesn't really work.

I guess the best, I mean,

like, you know, any endgame making billions of dollars, that's, you know, that, that, that, that kind of, I mean, that sort of helps us, right?

Are you high?

You're so eloquent.

Yeah, really.

I'm going to hold.

I'm broken out, man.

People are just watching.

I'm like, is he dying?

I thought Brian was supposed to be high.

I'm sorry.

I was partying in Cleveland last night.

I'm a little slower.

He's still high.

I'm in the neighborhood block party.

I did.

I went to a block party in Lakewood, man.

It was awesome.

Sounded pretty good.

Is that

a good area?

Lakewood?

Yeah.

That's all right.

That's cool.

Yeah, that's cool.

What's their Kane's chicken situation like?

They have way more stuff there.

Okay.

Who has the last question?

It has to be a barn burner.

It has to be a good idea.

Come on, you got

to be next level.

There we go.

Barn burner.

It's a confident guy right now.

Burn down the barn, sir.

What is the most mad you've ever been at given these days?

Most mad?

Oh, have you ever been mad at him?

Oh, fuck yeah.

Hey,

you tell him.

It's actually a question for you.

He's more in, he's as much in your world as he is in mine.

Yeah, I don't get mad at him, though.

I mean, he stole our domain name, and I still didn't get mad at him.

He hit on my wife.

I really didn't get mad at him.

It just wasn't.

He was down close to like.

Oh, yeah, this close to hit my wife.

He didn't hit on your wife, though.

It wasn't he like, if you had a, if he's in the woman, if you you had a younger sister,

I would marry her.

And I was just offended.

I thought it was like a dater or.

No, he's hit marry.

Marrier?

Yeah, I was offended that he thought he could get anywhere close because that's, I mean, he is.

If you've ever seen him,

yeah, yeah.

I know.

Yeah, what the hell, man?

He doesn't wear white things, all right?

Just so you know.

So

you didn't take it as like a compliment?

That's yeah, a compliment.

I don't want him in my family.

No way.

But she doesn't have a sister.

She did.

You're taking it.

Oh, does she?

Yeah.

And you thought she would marry Goodham, possibly?

No.

But, I mean, just the fact that he's still alive, the possibility exists.

Or in your mind, it's like, look, I know I can't have Mike's wife.

Yeah, but maybe.

I mean, I could, but I don't want to cause any problem at work.

Right.

But I'd like the next closest thing.

So, like, you know, he's coveting her.

Oh, that's why we're.

He had one of the main commandments.

Yeah, he's coveting my wife.

For God's sakes.

Can you believe that, bastard?

Not how pissed off.

What was your reaction?

Are you still mad in for that?

No, I could give a shit less i mean oh no it doesn't sound like good like no no

he's like he's just starting to breathe easy now years later get him to yeah now you now you're reigniting that fire in my mind oh my god so

so yeah i am still pissed off i don't know that i've ever been mad at get him

like and you know what annoyed because like if he's on the show sometimes he like says shit like he should interject almost never i feel

because there's always somebody who's going to say something better but every once in a while he says something that's like I'm glad he said that, you know.

So maybe mild annoyance, but getting angry.

Get him out in case you don't know.

And you probably know.

I don't even know how to describe him.

Yeah.

Yeah.

People are like, is that a person?

Troglodyne?

Yeah.

Homunculus?

He's a guy that we met at some auction and

he sort of like wormed his way in, much like a heartworm.

He's

like a walk to the vet and they're like, not going to make it.

He's like, actually.

He's really heartworms.

He's like Pennsylvanester.

Who?

In brick and mortar.

He's like Pennsylvania.

He's one of those alien parasites who gloms onto you and you're like, ugh.

And now we're talking Rick and Morty.

He's missing two teeth up front.

He could get them replaced.

He chooses not to.

He buries his money

in his yard, much like a cat buries their shit.

Yeah, he looks for bottles on his off hours.

He goes to a bottle, something called a bottle dump, where he goes and looks for bottles.

He hasn't changed his bed sheets in a year.

We wanted to go in his house to shoot a Christmas special.

He wouldn't allow it because he's a hoarder.

He's 40 years old, folks.

So, any of you single ladies out there.

Yeah, I know it doesn't sound like

I'm saying it.

It doesn't sound like he's awesome, but he is.

Yeah.

Right?

You guys saw a beauty.

Weirdly awesome.

He's still married, right?

He's still married, yeah.

Hasn't seen his wife since the wedding night, but still married.

So I get him a question.

All right, that's as good as any, I guess.

Fuck it.

Brian's like, I'm still still high.

I don't care.

Oh, wait.

Oh, hold on, wait.

You're saying this is better than his, then.

You're like, he thought that was the last question.

All right.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, Law.

What do you got?

How do you feel about David Letterman talking to yourself

with the big beard?

Dude, you should have let him have it.

You should have let him have it.

You'll find David Letterman's like, how can I be more relevant?

It's a comic book.

All right.

Yeah.

David Letterman didn't take any shit for all this Me Too stuff.

He was one of like the OG guys who was like spiriting girls up into his

little love den, right?

Remember that?

It was like a big thing for just a little while.

And it never came.

Like some shit doesn't come back on people.

Jimmy Fallon's in blackface and shit.

And nobody gets mad at Jimmy Fallon.

And I'm like, would someone please get mad at this asshole?

Yeah, seriously.

What's wrong with you guys?

He's a complete scumbag.

He comes off like a rodent, man.

Like, you see him around the celebrities, and he's like,

he's just so, like, he just wants to a great stock hitching.

Why'd you start him on this?

Oh, my God.

Good job, sorry.

Well done, sorry.

Well done.

All right, kind of, quick battle.

Yeah, yeah.

Woo!