#411: Auditory Promised Land

Your bedrooms for sleeping, for sex, for watching sports.

No, I'm telling you.

Proper terminology owner-related here.

You should have heard the rapport that me and the UPS guy had just earlier.

Tell him, Steve Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

I'm here with the OG lineup, Walt Flanagan, Q.

This podcast is like a rock group, like a super rock group.

Like they break up, like we break up one

for a week, and then we get back together the next week.

I think you look at it that way, right?

Yeah.

And then we have, like,

you're the David Lee Roth, and then we have a couple of Sammy Hagars, and

to a lesser extent, Gary Sharon's.

And also, special guest, someone who's never appeared on the show before.

Ever.

Someone who's dear to our hearts and

now dear to Walt's because he won't stop fucking complimenting him.

Casey Joast.

Yeah.

Casey.

It's nice to be here with Walt.

It's so great.

To be hanging out with, be in Walt's presence.

It's so nice.

It's something.

Hey, why do you think I come back every week?

So,

Q.

Big celebrity.

We know this.

Who?

Casey?

You.

All the celebrities are challenging each other to cage matches with this.

Justin Bieber challenging Tom Cruise to a cage match.

What happened?

You haven't heard about this?

No, what happened?

Bieber on Twitter challenged Tom Cruise to get in the octagon.

Why?

What led up to this?

No one knows yet.

Isn't Tom Cruise like three times as old as he?

He's 31 years older?

So

I'm going to have to say stronger, though, probably.

Has Tom Cruise responded?

No.

Not yet.

But the excitement is now, like,

I don't know if this is where you're going with this, but the excitement now is other celebrities are challenging people who are 31 years older than them.

Oh, is that the thing?

Yeah.

And also, everyone's breaking down who would win in that fight.

That's dangerous because at this point, someone 31 years younger than me can probably

like there's a chance they could just be.

Wait a second, you're 42.

You're going to get beat up by an 11-year-old?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Have you seen the 11-year-old?

I thought more about.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah.

So 12.

Oh, okay.

I thought more about you challenging like a 73-year-old, right?

Or a 74-year-old now.

I guess a 12-year-old can't really take me yet, but it's not going to be longer before it's an 18-year-old.

It depends.

I mean, you get a big 11-year-old.

They could put up a pretty big fight.

I could take you.

Yeah, like, what's his name?

What's the basketball player?

He's like the best basketball player.

LeBron James.

LeBron James.

When he was 11, yeah, he might have been able to.

He may be.

I'm not accepting any challenges anyway.

You're not?

No.

Do you think it was the whole

comments about

postpartum depression that angered Bieber?

Wasn't that 20 years ago?

Yeah, he's like, why is he disrespecting Oprah's couch?

You remember that when he angered the whole world?

Brooke Shields, right?

Yeah.

Do you think that had anything to do with it?

I don't know why

he's really just caught wind of it.

I think so.

Yeah, he's young, so it's like a non-linear world that he's living in.

So anything that's on the internet feels real.

Feels like

modern.

What's more trendy than getting mad at shit that happened 30, 40 years ago?

Yeah, look at Chernobyl.

Look at the whole thing.

People are all worked up about Chernobyl.

You heard that series is awesome.

Anybody wants that?

Yeah.

Moji said it's a muscle.

I'm halfway through it.

It's great.

Yeah.

It's a docudrama, right?

Not a straight-up documentary.

Yeah, I don't know what, I don't even know know what you call it.

Like it's serialized?

Is that what you'd say?

I don't even know.

I guess so.

Do you want to know who you might be able to fight, though, Q?

Yeah.

You see, tell me if you can take these guys on, all right?

Danny DeVito?

I wouldn't want to, but I feel I could take him.

Rod Stewart?

Fuck him up.

Yeah, definitely rumor.

You could fuck Rod Stewart.

You could fuck him up.

Remember that rumor about

everything that was in his belly?

Yeah, from the football team?

Yeah.

Yeah, don't punch him in the belly.

He'll throw it up all the way.

Or a soccer.

He's a soccer player at Rodstart, so a problem.

You don't remember he just blew a bunch of soccer dudes?

That was the big rumor in the 70s that he had his stomach pumped because he had so much semen in it.

Yeah.

No, I'm not kidding.

That was an entire team.

I am not kidding around.

You don't remember that?

We were like nine.

It was like 1976.

It was as serious as any threat from Russia at the time.

You're just like, no way.

You never heard that.

I don't know.

You never heard that rumor.

Maybe I have and I forgot.

That's illegitimate.

We didn't make that up.

Wow.

It came back in the 90s, but it was like with Lil Kim.

Like Lil Kim, it was the same exact rumor.

I think there's like things like that.

Urban legends recirculate.

People aren't so creative to change up the topic.

It's like, Lil' Kim, I think it's a good thing.

The only one I really remember is the gerbil with Richard Gere.

And what about that Marilyn Manson removed the rib so he could

just make me jealous?

Yeah.

I can't wait till I have enough to remove a couple ribs.

You have enough money now to get your rib removed.

Yeah, I just blow myself.

he's wearing a corset on the next practical joke.

Roll around like I'm moving critters.

Like tumbleweed and blowing myself all over town.

Fuck with my bodice.

I feel like you guys have the fan base that could get a rumor, like a good rumor, started.

You know, not maybe not one like this.

Like this podcast is good and then other people listen and that's how we've developed the fan base.

Yeah, that's what I mean.

If you had to have one of those rumors attached to you, which one would you want?

The gerbil from Richard Gere.

Right.

The rugby or soccer team

filled your belly.

Or removing your rib, I think.

I mean, the rib, right?

Because that just makes you sound like you're just...

Hypersex.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Or like the biggest Manchester United fan or whatever, right?

Well, I can get away with it.

Someone close seeming because I can't and shan't be shamed for that in this day.

I snowballed like 12 sluts in a row.

Right, but

that's my prerogative.

Which is a testament to your virility.

That's right.

True.

The gerbil is animal abuse.

Right.

I don't want any part of that.

Yeah.

That's thought out.

Yeah.

So two out of three, you're looking good.

I'm looking pretty.

Woke.

The semen one feels like people would be okay with.

They'd be like, you know, it's 2019.

Like, let him, let him live his life.

By people, do you mean his contemporaries, like his same-age friends who are not good?

Yeah, Yeah, not my friends.

His eyes really light up.

It's people who aren't his friends who would give him a passion.

Back to Christmas dinner with that rumor hanging over your head.

Yeah, like grandma doesn't want to kiss you, man.

Grandma's dead.

Grandma's dead.

You know what would be impressive is if you removed your rib, right, to do the deed, and it was your own semen.

And

you did so much of it, like you did so much, that you have to go to the hospital to get your own.

That's the rumor I want to start.

Right, that's the one.

I have a friend in Staten Island, his name is Sebastian Canelli, and he said this to me, and I believe it.

I don't know if I could curse on the podcast.

Yeah, you're kidding.

I'm kidding.

But he said,

you know, out of nowhere, apropos of nothing, he said, you know, sucking your own dick probably feels a lot more like sucking a dick than it does getting your dick sucked.

And then he said, nothing else.

That's profound.

That is pretty.

Wait, say that one more time?

He said, sucking a dick probably feels a lot more like

a dick.

Sorry, I said it wrong.

Sucking your own dick probably feels a lot more like sucking a dick than it does getting your dick sucked.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

You know, you forget.

You forget about that.

That's like a Reddit shower thought type thing, right?

I like that.

I know.

Sebastian Canelli.

Yeah.

But I'm definitely getting those ribs removed and shit.

You should be hanging on a piece of wood in Michael's.

Yeah.

Michael's absence.

And then Michael's Martin Kraft store.

The Arts Arctic Craft mouth.

It's on a pillow that says love, live, laugh on the other side.

Here's a wild card cue.

We'll give you a third one.

Gary Busey.

Well, it's probably true, whatever it is.

No, no, no.

Oh, he's

a 31-year refusal.

No.

No.

Couldn't take Gary Busey.

Dude's a maniac.

He'd fight you until he dies.

Yeah.

You'd have to.

The only way to defeat him is to kill him.

Right.

Right.

And I'm not doing that.

I like the guy too much.

All right, of course.

Lethal weapon, right?

No.

Lethal weapon.

Lethal weapon?

He was a bad guy.

Die Hard 2, right?

No.

Wait a second.

He was in the first one, I believe.

Lethal weapon, right?

He was the guy.

He was Jericho, right?

He was the guy who fought on the lawn.

Yes, I think you're right.

He was really.

William Sadler was diehard too.

Yeah, he's the one who fought on the lawn.

I'm also getting confused with Dennis Quaid for some reason in

speed.

I don't know why.

I thought it was Keanu Rouge in speed.

He was the lead, but the bad guy was.

Oh, wow.

I thought the bad guy was Dennis Hopper.

Dennis Hopper, that's true.

All right.

I've fully become my mom.

I'm literally just, my mom is here, and Casey's gone.

Walt, do you think you could take on George Dakai?

Yeah, I think so.

Assuming he's not busying himself with a rugby team.

You're talking about Sulu, right?

Yeah, Sulu.

he's Federation, though.

I mean, those guys train.

I don't know.

I wouldn't want to take on a Star Fleet Federation member, though.

He's a good guy, too.

What about Billy D?

Oh, come on.

I know Billy.

Yeah, that's true.

You guys are coming to see Billy D this weekend.

I was talking to him with Billy.

He's invited me to the premiere of Star Wars.

Did he?

Yeah.

He couldn't make it.

Yeah, I'm not going to be told I'd be.

You didn't even RSVP.

You're like, you know, fucking.

BG, I can't do it.

I honestly think that you're skirting the issue here.

I think, like, it's an honor to go up against these people and fight them.

I think he'd be mad that you didn't answer the question.

It also could be embarrassing, too, if you don't perform well.

Sulu whipped your ass.

Yeah, and then you got, you know, not Billy D.

I mean, Colt 45, I'm sure, you know, I still remember that.

I almost would want to go down.

Take a beating from him?

Well, there's a lot of gay cocksucking references.

It's probably my presence.

Yeah, so

I don't know.

Beating up,

do you feel confident?

Like if you got, if you got into a, like you're out to dinner with the girls and your wife and a scuffle ensues and you get popped in the face, maybe knocked out.

Yeah, knocked out.

They leave you on the floor of the Hoola Hands or the Apple Bees or whatever.

Friendliest.

The friendliest,

most ironic place to get your ass kicked.

When you come to,

do you feel emasculated?

You feel like, God damn it.

If it was Sulu or.

No, it's not Sulu.

It's just a regular guy.

You guys are.

What the fuck is Sulu doing here?

He's like, I'll show you my phone.

This is my friend.

I mean, I'm sure you feel a little

not proud, not great about yourself.

You're not feeling like a macho man after you.

Oh, definitely not.

Smelling salts need to revive you.

Right.

The EMTs are checking you out.

When you wake up from being unconscious, you know, you have a tendency to cry.

You know, I've seen it at football players, big football players get knocked out on the field, and then they take their helmets off and they don't know why they're crying.

So that would be also could happen too if you get knocked out.

Is that why Mary Beth cries so much?

All right.

Now it all makes sense.

Oh, so you think you wake up and you're crying?

Maybe even pooped your pants.

And also, we've seen too, when people get knocked out, you also can get an erection.

Have you seen that?

Yeah, me and Bryce saw that when years, there was guys in high school.

What's going on today?

What is going on?

We saw guys wrestling and they get knocked out, and all of a sudden, you see in their sweatpants, they get an erection.

I don't know why it happens.

I feel like we're going for like a new category on iTunes.

We've been number one in every category.

We didn't say that was anything.

That used a proper terminology.

It's not boner related here.

I don't know.

It's just

like

it's a fact, though.

It happens.

I mean, God forbid you should get not only knocked out but killed and then you have that angel lust where you pop the boner anyway.

You didn't know that?

That can happen?

No.

I don't know why, but it does happen though.

Remember the guy woke up and he started laughing when he saw it?

Yeah.

Yeah, he was a lunatic, but

he couldn't move his arms or legs.

He thought he was paralyzed.

When he looked down and saw his thing was up, he just started giggling.

I felt that every time

high school senior year.

Never forget it.

I tell Mary about some of the stuff that happened and because she's like, I've never seen a fight in real life.

And I was like, I mean, except in school, right?

She's like, no one ever ever fought in our school.

I was like, you've never seen a school fight?

And then I tell her about some of the ones that like, you know, would happen in school.

It's so foreign to her.

It's good, you know, that they, that, you know, I would think that it would be nice to live in a world of generation after generation that we start to

eradicate physical violence, you know, as a way of solving things in school.

So not in our lifetime, you don't think?

What do you mean?

I mean, that's never going to happen.

Well, I mean, I think we, you know, little by little, we make it, it, we eliminate it, though.

Farrell, when I went to Farrell, we were going to Farrell.

Yeah.

I graduated in 2003 year 94.

94.

There was a lot of fights at Farrell.

Not at Farrell, but like at the train station.

But every year I felt like even there were less.

Like my freshman year to my senior year, there was less, right?

They weeded it out.

That's what they did.

But I bet you now it like never, I bet you it hardly ever happens.

But you hear about everybody getting bullied all the time.

That's cyberbullying.

Do you not get WorldStar on your computer?

I don't.

My parents block it.

Did they?

All right.

To this day.

To this day.

They set up a VPN and they block it.

Yeah, there are still a lot of school fights.

You go on LiveLeak, the YNC, crazy shit.

There's any number of websites.

If you want to see school fights, buddy.

What was school?

Get them.

You're still here, right?

Yeah.

What was school like for you?

Nobody got hurt in the fights.

Everybody was wearing helmets.

High school.

We never covered his high school years before.

Well, I spent half my high school in Norwich, so

in Norwich.

At St.

Benedict's.

Newark?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Did you get into fights?

I got into a couple fights, yeah.

But we mostly, you know, we were told not to like, there was a lot of

antagonization from like Malcolm X.

Shabazz High School

with our people, yeah.

Was your school mostly white?

No, it was mostly black, yeah.

So

Malcolm Shabazz

was mostly black.

Yeah.

Your school was mostly black.

And they would just, they would rumble

snowball fights would just like turn like into you.

checks.

Tech nines and shit.

No, not like nines, but like big and violent.

So we would, you know, but Father Ed was pretty good at like, you know, teaching, you know, telling us not to encourage or, you know, get into these kind of things.

Right.

That's the tact you're taking for not fighting and being a pussy.

What do you mean?

The father said not to do it, right, guys?

Turn the other cheek.

Turn the other cheek.

Try it.

Yeah.

The priest says, turn the other cheek to me.

I'm fucking getting out of town.

You dropped Father Ed, like, we all know who he is.

Is that a a person who's come on the podcast?

Welcome to Planet Get Him.

Okay.

It's just Olcome to My House.

No, I love it.

Wait, did Father Ed?

Yeah, I want to know.

Did Father Ed go to the battlefield and be like, boys, boys, like, what he tries to do?

The priest would come out and

start to try to say that.

I found it endearing when you said that.

Me too.

You've made him immediate.

He's like, guys, I just met with the rugby team.

I'm on my way to the hospital.

I don't know.

Like, if you went to high school there, you just, Father Ed's Father Ed.

So Father Ed, but he's the headmaster.

Well, I think Walt's point is is nobody else, but you went there, but I'm saying I found it endearing that you referred to him almost as if he's still a daily presence in your life.

I see him on Facebook.

You stalk him.

I send him money for his commissary.

What's his Facebook presence like?

It's pretty

about over a million followers.

Yeah, can you tell me like a post that Father Ed might post?

Like, they post things like for morning convocation.

I know he responded responded to a meme, like someone made a meme of that.

No, I'm friends with the school on Facebook.

Yeah,

well, so, but I still don't have a you haven't really cracked for me what high school was like for you.

Like, did you enjoy it?

Aside from pussying out of rumbles, what else?

I mean, I had fun.

I mean, we did have, I had a couple fights in high school, and that was like usually in the team, like in the lacrosse team.

Okay, yeah.

Oh, see, I didn't even know you played lacrosse.

Yeah, I was J.B.

Wisewold shaking his head.

I was J.B.

Goalie and varsity manager.

Yeah, he washed the fucking jock straps and he's like, I'm on the team.

I was J.B.

Goalie.

That's good.

Goalie's, that's a tough thing.

For the girls' team.

See, get him.

I don't answer these questions on you so that you get ripped apart.

I answer because I'm genuinely interested in it, but it just seems like your answers are unsatisfactory to everybody.

Next time there's a bird in his house, I guess I'll be unmute.

We'll see how this tune changes.

Wow, that's true.

Nice.

That's true.

Did you post that video?

Yeah, I did.

I posted the video.

He saved my family from another terrifying encounter with wildlife.

But I took you out to lunch.

Yes, you did.

Yes.

Where'd you go?

Five guys.

Five guys.

Wow.

That's pretty good.

That's top quality burger.

Fries and drink included.

Yeah.

Wow.

Everything.

I told him he could order anything on the menu, even a to-go bag.

But he was a gentleman.

He didn't take me up on a to-go bag.

I don't want to take advantage of his generosity.

Do we have those hats?

Yeah, we sent them out.

Do I have?

Did you give me one?

He doesn't give a shit, dude, just so you know.

He gave me stuff once just to come over and fucking leer at my girl and leave, remember?

But I can wear that on the TV show.

Okay, I'll get you one.

Yeah.

I thought I did give you one, though.

That's a great hat.

I think so.

That's a fucking great hat.

Yeah, it's a nice hat.

It's a nice trucker hat, right?

Yeah.

That's what you get on the Patreon, baby.

I'm fucking.

Patreon.

What?

Patreon.com/slash G-E-S-D?

Yeah.

Oh, all right.

Those are still in?

We can still get that.

That was the last cycle.

You can't get those trucker hats anymore, but you can get one, though.

I can get one.

Oh, man, I wear that on the show all the time.

You got it.

Next Tuesday.

I need a traveling hat, man.

Yeah?

Give him your hat, kid.

No, it's a

trade hat.

Get all over him.

It's all right, buddy.

It's all right.

It's all right.

What if it was the last one, no, Q?

What?

What if that was the last trucker hat?

I couldn't take the last one for my friend.

Oh, you're such a

great guy.

What you mean you'd be wearing that hat?

All right, get him.

I'm interested to learn more about you, but I could see this isn't the atmosphere.

Wow, I love him.

I mean, he's no walt, but I.

You love him because you've this is the first 10 minutes you have been

with him.

I can understand

the way that you're interacting with him.

I'm completely reading it.

I have people in my life that I think are not bad.

I feel you.

He's a pill.

He left while we were talking about him.

I never thought that would happen.

Well, he's a, yeah.

He's growing.

He's grown.

Leaps and bounds.

He's got another dinner with some fucking woman he'll never sleep with.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Casey, are you Catholic?

Yeah.

Because as long as we're talking about the Catholic Church, and Q, you're Catholic, and Walt, you're Catholic.

I'm decidedly non-affiliated.

Catholic Church, the Vatican, says, hey, Trannys.

No dice.

We do not recognize you.

We don't recognize you, bros.

As what?

They're saying male and female, he created them, is created by the Congregation for Catholic Education.

I guess they're saying that

it's like, look,

you're born a girl, you're a girl.

You're born a guy, you're a guy.

And that's it.

Don't you think that most people don't even think about the issue at all?

Not at all.

Not unless it's brought up to you.

Really, right?

Right, it just would never occur.

But it is interesting that such a large institution is kind of allowed to, with impunity.

It's my mom.

It's like a church.

Oh, yeah.

It's the Vatican College.

Like, if I answer this

through my watch, yes, it will.

He's like, did you read my latest Facebook post?

Hey, Ma.

You gotta wait a second.

Mom?

Hey, Brian.

How far are you?

Good.

We're recording the podcast.

You're on it.

Say hello.

Oh, hi, everybody.

Hey, Mrs.

Quinn.

It's Brian, your buddy.

Hi, Brian.

How are you doing?

Good.

Oh, everything.

What's going on?

I feel like Dick Tracy right now.

This is so cool.

You look like Dick Tracy.

Backwards hat.

Something is going on.

I just wanted to call see how you guys are doing over this off.

How Walt's doing and Brian are doing?

Not so much, Casey.

How are you guys doing?

Yeah.

I'm doing all right.

I'll be a lot better in six more months when I see your mom again.

We're hanging out playing bingo.

He says he can't wait to see you again.

I can't wait to see him either.

Why doesn't he just come over for dinner one night?

Bring him over, Brian.

All right, I'll do that.

What about Walt?

Yeah, okay.

All right, Walt, too.

He's invited, too.

All right.

What about

Casey wants to know if he can eat over?

Don't tell her.

Don't tell her I'm here.

But yeah.

All right, so listen, I'll let you guys know all right mom can i bring casey joe's

whoever you want to bring

oh okay

that's not a yes all right all right mama

all right did you think i was gonna say no i was kind of hoping because he's sitting right here but yeah

all right guys take care i love you ma

well that was exciting that was fun that's the first time i ever did that that's the first but that's not the first time your mama's been on the podcast though no no no but that's the first time i've ever answered my watch this is the first time it's ever really?

Yeah.

You've never answered like that.

That's like the first thing I did.

No, I never did that.

I'm sorry about that.

What's going on?

And that comes out of the speaker?

Like a little speaker?

A little speaker, yeah.

Good luck editing it.

I'm not sure how great it'll sound, but hopefully.

You know, it's funny is

I love your mom, big fan.

And on the, on, um, oh, you know, one thing is on the JV squadcast, we just, um, my mom called in, and the first thing she did was tell me, she's a doctor, was to tell us a story of something that one of her patients did.

I was like, I have to cut this out.

It's like doctor confidentiality.

She's just so blended.

Fully like, and I was like,

she was like, Are you by yourself?

I was on speaker on the podcast with Joe Ambrogio, and she just started talking about a patient.

And I told her, No, I was like, no, Joe's here.

And she's like, all right.

Anyway, so this guy, and we had-she didn't name names, but she like described it pretty, you know, in detail.

Came in and had his ribs removed.

I had to remove a guy's rib again.

But your mom,

one of of my favorite things is early on on the show, I made that slide where your mom on Facebook writes that she crop dusted you

early on.

And

I changed her name in it.

So as an Easter egg, I think I put Mary Quinn.

I remember you changing the name.

I changed it.

You don't want people to be able to find her.

But yeah, yeah, that was a memory.

I always think of her that, like, I still think,

even though she didn't, that's not a real thing.

I still like to think that she maybe crop dusts people.

She most likely did in my life.

Yeah.

I guess you're right.

Yeah, right.

Our moms have probably crop dust.

Oh, it's so horrible.

What does that mean?

That's like when you silently fart when you walk by someone and like you just leave the smell behind you, like a crop dust.

Yeah.

What did you think of that?

Why did this a joke on breath?

Oh, oh, okay.

All right.

I just assume you guys are huge fans of him practical jokers, his work.

No, no, not.

Wow.

And your work.

And your

Casey has been since day one.

Don't be so humble.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's okay.

Have you seen the

thing?

Have you seen this latest prank that people are doing where it'll be like a couple guys and they're like weightlifting or something, and the guy will have the weight on and he has these two spotters and then he'll drop the weight like he can't hold it.

And then one of his friends will like put his asshole over his nose and face and shit like that.

I've seen it like three or four times so far.

It's like a person or on the no, no, no, on the internet.

It's like a challenge, I guess.

You know how these kids love doing challenges, but this is more, I guess, of asshole challenge,

asshole in the face challenge.

Um,

how uh,

how well, how happily do you take that if someone does that to you?

Not well, no, and it's it may have an IJ after dark, and Murray comes over and you're lifting weights.

I'm telling you why, though, Gatto has like when Murray turns away, taking like his food, you shoved in his ass and put it back on his plate.

Wow, and Murray's eating it, like the kind of thing people get arrested for if they work at a fast food plate.

Well, Murray ate dog shit.

Yeah, like literally on camera.

But also off camera.

We were at shits and gigantic.

We were at

all for you.

And fucking

Joe ordered tater tots, right?

And he's eating them, and Murray kept just eating them without asking.

So then when Murray went to the bathroom, Joe took a tater tot and put it under his balls and then put it on the plate and just sat there and waited.

And Murray just grabbed it and ate it.

That's rough.

He did it to teach him a lesson.

So he told him he did it after he

while it was still being chewed in his mouth.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's an evil genius sometimes.

You know what's funny about that is that I wouldn't want the rest of my day to have like, you know, tater-tot grease in my, on my private parts.

Like it's it's a joke cares.

I know, but like me, I would be like, that's a, that sucks for me, too.

What lesson was taught, though, with that?

Don't don't just start eating out of people's plate.

No matter if you think you're their friend or not.

Well, at the end of the day, like if Murray...

I don't don't know if I could be friends with that person that did that to me, though.

Really?

Yeah.

Why?

But you're eating his food.

Like, you didn't ask.

If you had asked, you might have been like, don't eat that one.

That had my balls on it.

Yeah, I still think that's like that's going nuclear when I don't think that's the proper response.

He doesn't want to lose one.

We used to do a thing where, you know, like a hostess cake or a Twinkie, it's like wrapped in the plastic.

I used to take it, like my friends, and bite into it through the plastic.

So you would see teeth marks, but but like it wouldn't break the plastic.

So it's completely edible.

Like my saliva or anything did not go on it.

But like they'd open it and they'd see like bite marks in it.

It would be enough.

It just looks gross.

And they'd still like begrudgingly eat it because we were all like that.

You just sucked all the enjoyment out of it.

Yeah, it's just like, I feel like that's a win-win.

See the sort of shenanigans that go on on practical jokers?

That's right.

Behind the scenes.

And then we never did stuff like that on Comic Book, man.

Yeah.

I mean, maybe that's why, you know,

we failed.

We we should have been a little bit more i guess raw or locker room esque well you guys put all the raw shit on the on the

all the jokes about me and mike uh well a lot of them didn't air though but yeah

they were jokes

and nobody at home could see the air quotes

yeah that seems like something i wouldn't i don't like pranks practical joke like impractical i'm all about practical

impractical not at all

it's so fucking annoying joe doesn't really do that stuff to me.

He'll do that sort of stuff to Murray, and he'll just fuck with Sal Constantly.

He doesn't really do any of that stuff to me.

Is that a practical joke, though?

Because a practical joke would make it seem like everyone gets some level of enjoyment out of it.

I mean, even the dude with the asshole in the face.

Although, you know what?

The guys that I saw get it done to them, they didn't seem too happy.

I wouldn't enjoy it.

No.

No way.

I beg.

Even if it was my job to do it to the guy

who's trapped underneath the barn bell, I'd be like, well, this feels awful that I'm that even like,

who's enjoying this?

I would have to reevaluate my friendship, not because their asshole is on my face, but because I'm like, if they think this is funny, maybe I've totally misjudged their sense of humor, you know?

Well, hold on one second, because if I did it to Ming, would you find it funny?

No.

I'd be like,

oh, yeah, I would be very concerned.

I'd be like,

I think Q lost his mind.

I mean, you don't want to do it to Ming.

He got hypnotized.

Ming got hypnotized once and was like hot for Q, like telling him he looked sexy in his hat and shit and all kinds of stuff.

He turned on.

Really?

And it was like he was legit hypnotized.

Q knocked him out.

He popped a bone.

Q was so enraged that he was attracted to him under hypnosis.

What do you mean my hat's nice?

We knew he was really being hypnotized because he calls him Brian.

He called him Brian.

He never calls him Brian.

So that was the tell, we thought.

Wow.

You know, he calls him Q.

But then when he was hypnotized, he called him Brian, which we thought was very, very strange.

Which is incredible.

We're laughing, but he had a breakthrough.

That's an incredible moment.

He was married with two kids.

Trust me.

I ushered him right back into that closet.

It's incredible.

Hey, you have to take a very quick ad break so we could talk about one of Tell him Steve Dave's most loyal sponsors.

That's right.

I'm talking about meundies.

You know, you probably spend about 90% of your life in underwear.

So don't you think you owe it to yourself to make sure you're wearing the softest undies in town?

That's why I only wear Miundis.

These undies are so soft, they make Bob Ross's voice sound like Gilbert Godfrey.

That's on the copy.

That wasn't my joke.

Miundis uses the coveted Micro-Modal fabric, which is a full three times softer than cotton.

Not only will you feel like your loins are being hugged by joy itself, but Miundis gives you multiple style options for both men and women.

Men can now try the new Boxer Briefs with Fly, which is the same great cut as Boxer Brief, but now with an added option for guys who prefer to go through the gate versus over the fence.

Miundies is also the go-to for the softest loungewear on the planet.

Hang out in their super comfy lounge pants and onesies.

Yes, Miundies makes onesies and they're incredible.

Miundies has a great offer offer for Tell'em Steve Dave listeners.

For any first-time purchasers, when you get any Meondies, you will get a 15% off and free shipping coupon.

Get a 15% off pair of the most comfortable undies you will ever put on.

To get your 15% off your first pair, free shipping, and 100% satisfaction guarantee, go to meondies.com/slash TESD.

That's meundies.com slash t e

s d terms and conditions do apply but do yourself a favor do us a favor go get the softest underwear on the planet do it today in fact do it now

thank you back to the show did you see you saw godzilla walt i did what'd you think because brian and i saw it together i was uh you know i'm not a really lot that kind of guy i like to shit on things, but so I'll just say I didn't like it.

He's been very positive lately, Walt.

Oh, I could tell.

Yeah, trying to behave.

Yeah, I mean, he's look at him, he's incredible, he's glowing.

That's only because Giddam left.

When I came in, I was like, you're right.

He's like, yeah.

It's just, yeah, it's just like six hours of just dealing with the same

monotonous, like because he's asking these dopey questions and saying shit about like how much water he drinks.

Just like all this

random information.

Yeah, all this random information.

Giddam has autism of some level, of some undetermined level, but it also claims he has an IQ of 143.

148.

148.

So it's like he's like a little bit of a know-it-all blowhard.

It's awesome.

I love him.

That's a fun mix.

That's kind of how I like my geniuses.

He's condescending and

absolutely no achievements with having that intelligence level.

Yeah.

We called him out for never having broken a sweat since he'd been working here.

That's great.

That's a great.

I often to take him on an all-expense paid trip to Vegas.

Inclusive.

Just to hang out.

I was like, first class, I'll get you a suite.

I'll pay for every single thing.

And he just, he couldn't, he can't bring himself to do it.

Like, he's a real quirky dude.

He's like, I can't find someone to feed my horses.

It was six weeks he had.

Wow, that's incredible.

He's great.

I love it.

Like a lot to say, not a lot to show.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Thank God.

Yeah.

I'm making pillows, guys.

It's for the Patreon.

Walt wasn't pleased with, even pleased with the monster fights, which is where we took some.

Oh, really?

Why?

I felt it was poorly shot.

I thought it was...

Bastardized Rodan, you said?

Yeah, the monsters

were

not up to snuff, in my opinion.

I felt they took too many liberties with Rodan.

Can you explain that?

Can you go through that?

Rodan is not

a fire drink.

He's not a firebird that has

molten wings

that

you can see molten lava flowing through.

I felt like as soon as you were gotten to a good fight, they just continuously

went back to the human drama, which was Harley drama.

I'm using that was sarcastic, the word drama there.

It was really

disappointing because I really

had wanted to see it more than Avengers.

It's something I've been waiting for for years.

Well, it's Millie Bobby Brown.

What?

It was Millie Bobby Brown.

Wasn't that Giddam's defense?

Didn't Gidham yell it, but it's Millie Bobby Brown.

That's Millie Bobby Brown.

That girl that was

from Stranger Things.

Yeah, I still don't know who it is.

Yeah, yeah, that was his, like, when I said that I felt the acting was really bad,

he immediately shot up, but that was Millie Bobby Brown.

And I'm like, who the fuck is that?

That's the girl from Stranger Things.

And I'm like, what the fuck is that?

I don't care.

I never saw Stranger Things.

Wow.

I care more about Godzilla than the actors.

So did you watch the other Godzillas?

Like the one, wasn't there one like, what, 2001?

Yeah, that was.

Which is the one that the Buff Daddy's on the soundtrack.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

That was terrible, too.

That's Matthew Browers.

So have any.

That was 98.

Have any of the reboots been up to 20 years?

2014, I really enjoyed it.

Oh, cool.

Yeah.

That's the other thing.

I thought that was so recent that I was.

I like like King Kong.

I like Skull Island.

I didn't like Skull Island.

I felt that I could see what was happening in Skull Island, and I was scared because I walked out of Skull Island going, like, they're focusing way too much on the human beings and having them try to have an outcome in what happens.

It's like having an outcome between a cyclone and a tornado.

You can't have an outcome if you're a human being.

And these people, and that the story writers still continuously kept going to that well of like, well, we'll have the humans

play a factor in the outcome of this monster battle.

Yeah, that oxygen bomb thing was so dumb.

I was like, well, the oxygen bomb was a nod to the original.

Really?

Yeah, Godzilla.

It was not good.

I didn't like any of it, though.

The best King Kong for me is that Universal ride we went on.

That's a great ride.

It's an incredible.

Yeah, like.

You were talking about the newer one.

The one where it moves and you go through the tunnel.

I like the old one where it was like the giant.

In New York.

Oh, yeah.

That was great.

The banana breath was coming through.

Yeah, no, that's awesome.

But he grabs the T-Rex and, like,

that one, I'm like, this should be the movie should make a theater that, like, that moves around.

Did you like Peter Jackson's King Kong?

I felt it was bloated and just so long and

nothing happened in it that was all that new.

That was Jack Black, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah,

it just felt like...

They didn't do anything than just follow the model of the 33 one and didn't really put their own imprint on it they just updated it yeah yeah yeah and then i think that's what he wanted wasn't that what he wanted yeah probably maybe he was going for it because he loved it so much he was like not enough people obviously like they don't watch it anymore so let me make a new one

yeah very disappointed though in godzilla now there's really nothing to look forward to what'd you think of the other dying

godzilla vs king kong is already shot you got well i'm not going all after this and kong i'm like i have no uh expectations that i will enjoy it who'd you go with my wife oh yeah what'd you think

Just reinforced her opinions on giant monster movies that they're for little boys.

So next time it comes down between a choice between a Disney remake and a monster movie, you're going to have to go see.

Oh, well, I mean, we really, we both enjoy the lad.

He looks disturbing in that.

I saw the trailer for it.

I was like, this looks fucking really weird.

He was really good.

Oh, I'm excited.

He was really good.

He made you forget about Robin Williams, which I didn't think was going to be possible.

Is that crazy?

Never forget.

Well,

for two hours, you will.

If you want to go back to forgetting,

go see Aladdin.

How do you feel about that?

There was a monster movie.

I didn't see it, but it was a new one.

Cloverdale?

No.

That's not what it's called, right?

Not Cloverdale.

Cloverdale?

No, I know what you mean.

Cloverfield?

Cloverfield.

I didn't see that, but there was one that was like, it was trying to make it like, oh, these monsters are coming out of the water.

Oh, Pacific Rim.

Yes.

How is that?

First one was good.

Second one was really bad.

Okay.

Really?

I didn't ever saw the second one.

But were you, as a monster movie person, were you like excited for that?

No.

Okay.

I have a personal connection to the 60s monsters.

Yeah,

why doesn't a studio make one that looks like that?

Like make rubber stars?

Use the same thing.

Yeah, use the same thing.

They're still making them in Japan.

Oh, okay.

That's cool.

But well, you know, come on.

America should do it.

Bring it here.

Come on.

Yeah, I agree.

Trump should make that

a promise

on the next election.

I'm going to build a wall and have monsters knock it down.

Yeah, that's.

Do you like it, guys?

Neither one of you guys?

No.

I mean, the humans are insufferable.

They're insufferable.

And there's just so much stupid shit like we were talking about.

Like the guys on the ground.

If I'm a guy on the ground, I'm like, I'm not going to just keep shooting bullets at this thing.

No.

Like, there's so many things, like the guys in the planes are doing to him.

He doesn't notice this shit at all.

Yeah.

It just wasn't a good thing.

We're wasting resources.

And the whole eco-terrorist angle was so bad.

That one dude, the one dude who was the evil dude.

Charles Dance.

He was in Game of Thrones.

I heard that too, right?

It was like, oh, it was.

When I said I thought he was a terrible actor because every scene he was in, it's like he was trying to remind the audience, I'm the evil guy.

I hate that.

That's actually one of the tropes I hate the most.

It's every podcast that's home Steve Dave for me.

Like in that movie Avatar, like that guy, I think it's John.

I'm not going to mess up the names again.

Who's in Avatar?

Jonathan Rubisi?

What are you talking about?

Giovanni Rubisi?

Oh, Giovanni Rubisi.

Is that he?

Is he an avatar?

I don't know.

I forget.

But the bad guy in it is like, I need to get the unobtainium.

It's like

It's like that stuff bothers me more than any.

I'll watch bad CG all night.

As long as they don't have a villain that's like just pure evil that like just want.

I don't care what happens to Earth.

That was the problem with the Venom movie.

The new Venom movie.

It was like that guy was literally

feeding, giving homeless people to die and giving them speeches about why he was doing it to them while they were dying.

I'm like, can't you just let him die?

Like, why do you got to bore him to fucking death, too, about humanity?

Yeah, Giovanni Rubisi was in not only one, but will be in two, three, four, and five.

Oh, good.

I've got all the way to 2027.

Avatar.

What are you talking about?

Five.

Is that real?

That's what it says in pre-production.

Is the world

excited for Avatar?

I can't.

I know your wife isn't, right?

But I mean, I think it's just been too long.

I can't even believe that they're making five.

I'm like shocked.

He's got, like, he said he's in the avatar business now.

That's what he does.

James Cameron.

I don't get it.

Go underwater.

There's one in the firehouse, and I was like, what?

Why do people love this?

Do people love it?

I even know people who love it.

That's a cheap load of money.

Okay.

They still do.

Does it hold up?

Like, I haven't seen it.

Ever?

No, I saw it when it came out.

Yeah, I haven't seen it

since it came out, too.

It's just not that, it wasn't that great that it got that kind of level of buzz.

It's the highest gross movie in the world until recently.

Love it, yeah.

Walt said his wife got real emotion sick watching it.

Emotion sickness.

Motion sickness.

Why do I say motion?

Oh, I thought you said emotion.

Yeah, she started crying.

It's all so beautiful, man.

That's

all crying.

Yeah, we saw it in 30.

We haven't gotten to see a 3D movie since then.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I have emotion sickness.

I'm not crying.

How long have you been married?

It's five years in June.

Oh, this month, actually, June 21st, five years.

Amateur Hour Walt?

No.

No?

No, not at all.

Ten years together.

That's always, I mean.

Ten years?

Amateur Hour Walt?

Oh.

Yeah, me and Walt got each other's backs.

I mean,

that's an achievement.

You applaud that.

You never look down at it and say, oh, it's amateur hour.

It means a lot for me, Walt.

The only reason I'm saying this, Walt, just celebrated 25 years.

Quarter century.

Wow.

Wow, quarter century.

Yeah.

You're a half century old.

You've been married half of it.

Wow.

Congrats, dude.

Oh, thank you.

What did you do?

I went to dinner.

Oh, actually,

we went to Philly for the weekend.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

What is the 25-year anniversary?

Silver.

Yeah, we didn't do any of those tropes.

We don't buy into that shit.

You've convinced her you don't buy into that shit.

Well, like, because, like, you know, oh, it's silver.

Oh, it's paper.

We never, we never did any of that nonsense.

Did you get her anything?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I got her

a gift card to this teaching store that she likes.

And I brought her a snow globe

that represented something.

You must have gotten so much ass.

A snow globe, bro?

It's a $60 snow globe.

Did you want to read through diamonds?

Nah.

It's a Batman snow globe.

No.

That's nice.

Winter Soldier, right?

Like Captain America?

Isn't that a...

Isn't Winter Soldier a Captain America thing?

Yeah.

A good snow globe?

Oh, no, it had nothing to do with comics.

No?

No.

Is she a comic booker?

I mean, I know you are.

You're not going to tell us what it meant?

No.

Oh, come on.

Why?

Why?

If Casey wants to know.

I guess we should all take guesses.

You should respect.

Oh.

You should respect.

The sanctity.

Yeah.

The sanctity of marriage.

Oh, I don't.

The sanctity of snowballs.

You know, maybe I don't want to reveal it.

I'll reveal it off the podcast.

Oh, my God.

I secretly recorded Mary Beth Kwifing.

You want to hear it?

How is Mary Beth doing?

I haven't seen her in a few weeks.

Yeah, she's doing well.

She's doing good?

Doing okay.

What does HUD day today?

She doesn't work anymore.

Great question.

Doesn't work anymore, no.

So, what is and you don't work anymore either, right?

We've managed to find something that ironically works for both of us.

So, the two of you just wake up same time every day?

No, I get up earlier because I gotta get up with Sage to get her ready for school.

Okay, but once Sage is off to school, and then it's you and Marybeth, is it just you're together all day, day till night, day to night?

Uh, in the same house, but like not hanging out together.

She doesn't.

So, what does she do?

Like, what's her she cleans or she cooks,

or she makes sure she has no shoes on in the kitchen.

She darns my socks.

She works.

She works the switchboard on the phones.

I like that you just

steal the youth from this

service.

That's it, man.

A vampire.

It is.

She wanted to fight me in the octagon.

she already lost yeah right yeah

like it's all over but the bell baby

uh she does like a lot of she practices a lot of like graphic design type you know that sort of thing watch tv yeah

catch up on tv watching that sort of thing you guys love your tv right love it you love that

you love that boob tube

do you have a big tv

uh It's not that big, like 60 inches, something like that.

That's a pretty fucking big thing.

Is it?

Oh, I don't know.

Like, today it seems like.

It's 25 inches, right?

What's that?

Let me go by 65, 75, 85.

55 is, I think, was what I have.

No, but I mean, I know, I know.

It would be 55, 65.

I don't even know.

I don't know why you care.

Okay, but it's a pretty big TV.

Yeah, it's a pretty big TV, yeah.

And it's in the bedroom, like I said, in the bedroom.

And you should never eat all the meals in the bedroom.

Wait, why?

Why?

Why?

My brother feels this way, too.

I feel that way.

I don't have a TV in my bedroom.

TVs have a two-thing

sleeping and banging.

Or reading a book.

Did you say TVs are for two things?

Sleeping and banging?

TV?

Oh, sorry.

Banging your TV.

You're banging your TVs.

Put me on this.

When times are lean.

Yeah, I'm the same way.

I don't have a TV in my bedroom.

So, yeah, I never had one growing up.

And Lisa, like, Lisa's like, was it like, yeah, you got to have a TV, you fall asleep to TV.

And I was like, no, it keeps me up.

And it actually does.

Like, when we watch stuff, I need to turn it off.

Otherwise,

it's just on TV.

Yeah, whenever I'm binging IJ.

Whenever I got a real IJ binge going, watching my baby go.

First season, it's like watching my son walk.

That's how I feel.

No,

now I feel like maybe it's messing with my son.

I'm only fucking with you.

I have a TV in my bedroom since day one.

Walt, I thought I knew you.

I thought we had a connection here.

No, I lied to my face.

saying that to get him going.

But you mean it.

He definitely doesn't have a TV.

I was over at his house and I looked.

I made sure because he gave me the tour.

I went to see if he was all full of shit.

Motherfucker is on the up and up.

He's got like a canvas and paints.

He's like, before bed, he's like, I have to make art.

He just makes a clay, clay pottery, like fucking ghost.

Just waiting.

Just waiting for Swayze to come in.

Please.

You're not supposed to do it.

Your bedroom's for sleeping.

Gotcha.

For sex.

That's good habits.

Or watching sports.

No.

I'm telling you.

There's two different thoughts to this.

There are.

Sure.

There's two sides to this.

I respect your no TV in the bedroom, but you have to respect mine too, then.

I do respect yours.

Okay.

What I like to say, no, though,

like I should pipe down no.

I bet you no.

Now, what I like is when you say it, you have this almost ancient wisdom that comes with it.

And like a TV is a completely modern Marvel.

Yeah, well, no, it's not, it's not just, it's not just focus.

It's like

the light.

Like if you train yourself not to sleep in your bed,

then you're going to get, you're going to have your sleeping patterns, you're going to get fucked up.

Gotcha.

But this guy sleeps with his head under his mattress.

I didn't say pillow.

Please know what I did.

Not under my mattress.

He doesn't have a buck spring either.

Wait, he wakes up in the morning and he lays on his floor with his head underneath his bed.

If it's sunny,

if it's cloudy, I can sleep with a picture.

Drapes haven't reached

neck of the woods yet.

And again, I don't judge it.

I love that he does it, but to me, it's like you shouldn't need that.

Yeah.

Should I be able to just sleep in?

I think so.

But you know what?

I got something that maybe revolutionized my life.

I got a night mask.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Nice.

I've been using it to my mouth.

We actually

for the Patreon.

Is that true?

Yeah,

we shot a video where we reenacted the Daredevil from the 90s.

Yeah, the Ben Affleck one?

Not the Ben Athletic one, even earlier when the Lou Ferigno Hulk and Daredevil at the guest store.

And I got a costume for Son of Jeff to be Daredevil, and it called for a mask, and I ordered on Amazon, a night mask.

And when I took it home with me, I was like, you know, I'm going to try this, and it works.

I may not have to go under the bed ever again.

I don't want to lose that, but I'm happy for you.

Your wife never suggested that?

Like, hey, instead of fucking freaking out the UPS guy or whoever the fuck came in your room, who was this guy?

The guy's not there, though.

Like, some delivery guy came into the room.

He's like, whoo, like he's walked under the bed.

He thinks he's fucking dead, right?

Who was that?

A UPS guy.

Yeah, that was painters.

Oh, painter.

Oh, that makes more sense.

Like, kind of.

I don't want anyone coming to my bedroom, but a delivery guy, there's no reason.

Absolutely no reason that delivery guy should ever even touch stairs if I have a house.

They were painting, and I didn't realize the door was open, and I went under the bed, and they were talking, and I was like, damn, that door sure sounds like it's open.

They're so clear as day.

I wish I had pen.

It sounds like they're right next to me.

And I

looked out, and they were fucking staring right there.

They were painting, and

they saw me hours sleeping under the bed

and just ignored it.

You came in kissing ass and shit, thinking, like, I'm done.

My work here is done.

But, like, there's so many of this onion motherfucker right right here.

Yeah.

I had an issue with my UPS guy, and I wanted to ask your opinion on how I should have handled it.

I have a good relationship with him.

Like, he comes

a lot.

Christmas time?

I don't think so.

And you might not have the great relationship that you think you do.

I never even thought so.

You definitely don't.

Yeah.

Yeah, he wants money.

I tip my mailman.

What does that do for the fucking UPS guy?

The UPS guy isn't consistently always him.

It changes.

Oh, okay.

You're getting the same guy, though.

This guy I've had for a little bit, and i like the guy and we like a chat we'll bullshit whatnot does he know who you are he has he doesn't he doesn't which is fucking great and um

so

today

this morning i see him come out of the ups truck and he's holding one package and he's got another package on on the floor and it's like you know square so he's roll he's rolling it like square rolling it down my driveway no he didn't know you saw you though he didn't know i saw him so he didn't know that eyes were were on him.

No, and I go, oh, I said his name.

I don't want to say his name.

I go, dude, that's a fucking light.

It's a light from my bedroom.

I go, what are you doing?

And like, now I don't know how to proceed.

Like, I don't know what to.

Did he apologize?

Yeah.

Yeah, he did, but it was like, you could tell he didn't think he was.

Was he shocked that he

shocked that when you caught him?

Because that was outside my house and I'm never outside my house.

And I was like, I was like, oh, man.

That's disrespect.

So he's doing the same thing we would be doing if we were UPS guys.

Yeah.

But here's the thing.

You know, I have cameras all over my my house.

I have it on.

So you should go back and watch

for some prior deliveries to see what he's doing to him.

Well,

should I be like...

Maybe something worse than a fucking

thing.

Oh, I don't think you can pull that rank.

I don't think you can.

I think you're going to have him.

You're going to be like, you got to change this dude's route?

Oh, I don't think so.

He knows where you're going.

I showed them video of him fucking rolling a lamp down my driveway.

That's the kind of thing you put on the table.

You don't want to do that.

You put it on Twitter to get a bunch of likes and shit.

You don't want to do that, Q.

Yeah, you'll never do that.

I wouldn't do it.

I wouldn't do it.

He knows where you live.

That's definitely.

He also learned.

He also learned.

He's never going to do that again.

But what I'm saying.

He should have done it to begin with.

I agree.

I agree.

Because of my crystals.

Yeah, that's your snowflake.

It's down to like 19

crystal chandeliers now.

Oh, so annoyed.

I was like, I thought I had a good relationship this guy.

I think you know what to do.

You get a tater tot.

Yeah.

Under your ball.

Right.

And when he eats it, you say, look,

that tater tot wasn't my ball.

You hear that noise?

That's the scales evening up.

Yeah.

We're good now, okay?

You and me?

We're good.

You take it out and go eat this.

And if he eats it, then he gets to keep his job.

You have a DVD of like, or no, make it a VHS tape of like,

you know, of him flipping it.

What do you want, huh?

The tater tot or the tip.

That's a fucking weird move.

It says lighting on it.

Oh, did it?

Yeah.

It's a bummer.

That's for sure.

It's an angry UPS driver who's like, that's an untipped UPS driver.

I'm unhappy with my lot in life.

I'm delivering to fucking Chateau Quinn.

And, you know, so there he's like, you know, that's his little

ounce of revenge against the man.

But we had like, we had little in-jokes.

Our names rhymed, so we had like a, hey, you, hey, you, it was like a

when he drove away, he wasn't chuckling the way you were when you went when you went.

He probably was like, fucking asshole, rhyming.

Hey, Brooks and Cat.

You should have heard the rapport that me and the UPS guy had just earlier.

He started.

My chandelier!

Jesse!

What's his name that rhymes with your name?

I don't want to say his name.

Let's say it's Ryan.

Okay, all right.

It's not.

I don't want to say it because it's a very unique name.

Much like a snowball, I'll tell you off the air.

Okay.

And it's an ethnic name.

He's an ethnic sort.

He's not from America originally, so it's like a width.

So he'd be like, so he'd be like, what's your name?

I'd be like, Brian.

He'd be like, oh, my name's Ryan.

And I'd be like, oh, and he'd be like, Brian, Brian.

And then we saw each other.

He'd be like, Brian.

I'd be like, Ryan.

And we'd have like a nice little laugh.

And we'd chat a little bit.

Oh, that's now it's going to be like, Brian?

Ryan.

Right.

I don't want that.

But at the same time, he's flipping my fucking light down.

Did it break?

I know.

I didn't open it.

I want to know.

I can't believe you didn't open it.

I didn't open it.

Really?

I'd be the first thing I would do is open it.

Don't even let him leave.

Well, I was ticked together.

As soon as I was outside my house, I was on my way to work.

I got enough time.

I'll give you a full report, though.

Yeah, I definitely have.

Now, you've had the same UPS guy for decades, right?

At the store?

Yeah.

We've had a couple UPS guys,

and we've built a nice rapport with them.

I've given them gift cards.

Yeah.

They ever roll in your comics down the street?

Never.

I don't think so.

And it was hard to be nice to this guy because he was a Ranger fan and he knew I was a Devils fan.

But we still made it happen.

Just imagine that, Casey.

I would never order anything online again.

He retired, though, and we got a new guy.

He's pretty good, too, though.

But we do, at the end of the year, we do give him something to show our appreciation.

He hasn't been my guy

for

enough time for me to have even given him anything yet.

But I'm going to have to do it now.

I have such a hard time about the way it handles those packages.

He wouldn't deserve it.

It would be hollow.

Yeah, you're lucky, actually.

Now you don't have to tip him or anything.

And you know, he can't do nothing.

I really like that little Brian, Brian, what's going on?

It's what you got for straying outside that circle of friends, man.

You got your friends.

You're what, 43?

I'm not married.

You don't need any more new friends.

No more new friends.

That's just

cult fucking interventality.

I mean, this

is fancy.

You only need me.

Your mom?

You can tell she didn't really want to talk to you.

In fact, I'm changing the locks, and they're only going to be locked from the outside.

And you won't be able to leave unless you're with me.

That is.

And if you do leave, you're not going to have the key.

So if I suspect anything, you're not getting back in.

Don't give me your drive.

You know what?

Fuck it.

I'm driving you to work.

I'll wait outside.

I had a run-in with

a fucking dude at Best Buy.

I had to buy a TV.

Did you see Lion?

I burned out my other one watching it too much.

I did.

Good.

I did.

Well, no, no, no.

You know, do you know what sea lioning is?

No.

Sea lioning?

Yeah.

I'm picturing a sea lion.

No, it's

trolling on the internet.

Yes.

But it's in person.

Will you fuck with someone and say things that you don't mean just to get under the skin?

Or you might just.

He's just fucking with someone.

It's a better, it's like a cooler phrase than like gaslighting, right?

Yeah, I think that's...

Because I still don't know what gaslighting is.

Well, Well, gaslighting is making somebody believe something.

Oh, I thought it's just like you're putting the gas on to like make them feel like.

I thought that was fishing.

No, gaslighting is when like

yeah, like you're you're telling them something and trying to make them believe something is true that is definitely not.

I thought that was go fishing or whatever it's called.

No, fishing is when you're online and you're like, hey, I'm fucking little bow wow and really I'm not fishing.

Catfishing?

Oh, fishing is looking for information then, right?

Yeah.

Catfishing.

Sea lining is trolling in person.

And hence, can you spell that?

Is it like the animal?

It's like sea lingering.

Sea lioning.

Why go from troll to sea lion?

We don't know.

Oh, you know what?

We don't make up the definitions in the urban dictionary.

We just read them.

Because, like, I would take another mythical character, like a troll.

I think this is the done deal.

The kids are already.

I know.

I like where you're going.

I think that would make more sense, too.

I'm mad at the kids.

Like, what's another mythical?

Like, you know, like centauring me.

Right.

You're minoring.

Yeah.

Why are you fucking minotauring?

Yeah, you're going around in a circle, right?

Yeah, you're in a maze.

You're in a maze, yeah.

Right.

Why are you minotauring me, bro yeah that's good and it's real life like it feels like like the world is this maze so we have a thing now where brian instead of blowing up on people and me as well and getting angry at people like when someone's a dick to you and you know how you're like fuck you

yeah now you play into it to piss them off you minotaur them you minotaur them yeah right uh you know what i can't i can't accurately say then that i did i didn't get mad but i did like i went i got the tv It's on this big display.

It's 200 bucks, which I'm like, what a fucking country.

A 43-inch TV, because I got it for downstairs, 200 bucks, 4K, has all the fucking apps that people want.

So I bring it up to the counter, and the guy starts ringing it up, and I'm like, oh, you know what?

I'm going to get a different one because the side I didn't notice at first was like all bashed in.

And so much so that like the styrofoam is crumbling a little bit.

And he's like, well, it's a brand new TV.

I said, exactly.

That's why I want to get a new one.

And he's like, it probably just happened on the truck.

He didn't want me to bring this TV back and get a different one for whatever fucking reason.

I said, I'm not going to take this TV.

That was it.

I love it.

And then he rings it up and it's 250 instead of 200.

I said, this is supposed to be 199.

He's like, right away, he's like, no, that's the 1080.

I go, nah, it's the 4K.

I said, you know how I know that?

Because I checked three times to make sure this was right.

He's like, no, no, no.

I said, you know what?

Take the TV.

I said, go back, get me a new one.

I said, and you can can check the price while you're back there.

Oh, I love you.

And that's what he did.

So he goes, and then I was right.

And like, he comes by and he's like, can you follow me over here?

And then they had to go make a price adjustment and all this other shit.

And I'm like, what is with people that they're so fucking cocksure that you're wrong?

Or maybe just I'm wrong.

Because I second guess myself all the time.

But something like that, I'm like, all right, I don't want to fuck this up.

Boom, here it is.

That's what the sign says.

Then it turned out it was last week's price.

I'm like, motherfucker, if you change the prices on Saturday and today's fucking Tuesday,

I get 50 bucks off.

That's just the way it's going to go.

Johnson rule.

Otherwise, I'm just going to walk out and I'll be like, well, I'll just go get it on Amazon.

You could where it will be $199, and then you'll be out of a fucking job you probably don't want anyway.

He definitely doesn't want it because he's dealing with the public all day.

He's dealing with somebody who's like, I'm not going to just give you 50 bucks.

I'm not going to be passive about it.

I can't deal with it.

I hear it.

The people.

Every time you leave your house, somebody's fucking with you.

Sometimes you don't even have to leave your house.

Sometimes your parents kicking the shit down your driveway.

Sometimes you're watching from your security room.

Your panic room.

My chandelier.

But we have to be the heroes that you were and stand up to that and be like, you know, go over there, get me a new TV and check the price.

Yeah, I don't work for you, asshole.

Why am I proving myself to you?

Why am I like, no, no, no, sir?

And he's got his fucking phone out and he's looking at it.

He's like, no, it says $250.

I said, I don't care what it says.

I was like, go back there and look.

Legal, you're in the right.

It's 50 feet.

Are you telling me that, like, that's a dollar a foot?

I'm a customer.

Yeah.

Oh,

I'll never shop here again.

Yeah.

As I got out my checkbook to write a checkbook.

Oh, God.

How many did you want to do?

One, two?

How many can you do?

One, two?

I could do another one.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

I don't have anywhere to go.

Okay.

Well, I know you wanted to do tidbits, though, too, at some point.

Well, I told you, if you just give the, if you let me uh edit these, I'll know what I could take out then.

Okay.

Well, this is only an an hour right now, so we wouldn't take anything out of this one.

Right.

Um, okay.

All right, we'll just finish this one up then.

Do you want to clap or something, or do you guys know how to add?

No, no, no, we have to wrap up this episode.

Um

no ads?

So no, no, I mean, I texted DK, but I didn't hear back, so

I have a bunch of ads.

I just don't know

so yeah, that was the shopping trip to fucking Best Buy.

Oh,

first time I went to the new pool club, as you saw.

Oh, yeah, it was so fucking funny.

Did you see Sage's attempted backflip?

I did not.

It was amazing.

It's pretty good.

She didn't do a backflip?

I mean, no, not at all.

It was great.

Diving board?

Are we talking diving board or set up?

She did it off a diving board.

Yeah, I have it here real fast.

That's a world I know very well.

Watching it, I got it.

I was looking at it with my friend Justin, and I was laughing.

And he's like, I showed him this video, and in it, Sage tries to do a backflip total, like, slips off the fucking thing into the water.

It's so funny, but it's in slow motion, so, like, it looks like she's getting down to spring up.

She just falls.

And here's the thing: like, I could tell it made him uncomfortable because, like,

she has Down syndrome.

And, like, but we, but we don't, that doesn't factor into our relationship with Sage.

She's just Sage.

No.

It's just, she's Sage tried to do something something to it up but to just

look at her look at her

date he was like oh oh oh okay like he thought i was making fun of her because she danced no i wasn't it's just sage you know she was doing something funny it was it was it was a funny moment on on in my life yeah to me i feel like okay she has down syndrome so what i'm not gonna laugh at her or with her or tease her like to me that's not being inclusion yeah inclusionary whatever you're treating her like anyone and she's better for it like she's a good kid she's just

She loves it.

She breaks balls like nobody's business.

Yeah.

I mean, if you're only teasing her, that's a different story.

Yeah, and like I'm getting the neighbors to join in.

Yeah.

That's yeah, that's

nice.

How do you feel about your first episode of Telling City of Dave?

How's it going?

How'd it go?

Honestly, when I'm in Walt's hands, I feel good.

No, I had a good time.

I mean, this is, you know, it's funny.

I think years ago when I first met you,

and

right away when we met, we were know hanging out you were like yeah you know with the podcast if you ever want to come on and you know do it but you know these guys these guys rip into you okay so you got to be prepared for that and I was like oh really in my head I was like oh is it like a roast podcast kind of thing like I don't know

friends are just assholes

but I was always like in my I guess in my head a little bit like what is this even what is that thing and but then I you know I listened to plenty and then and now I got to know you guys a little bit and and this is as I was coming here it still crossed my mind I was like oh do I have to like be on my guard But in my head, I was like, no, no, I met them a million times.

Cute, how do I look?

I will completely make fun of myself more than you can.

I mean, you're coming from guys who will put food underneath their testicles and give it to each other.

I mean, this has got to feel like a fucking loving.

I still have part of a quesadilla.

The show's not over.

Tell them, Steve, Dave.