#402: Never.

Is there any way somebody can please help me?

No, no one can help you.

You're helpless.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

It feels like we haven't been here in a while, man.

I wasn't here last week, but we were here the week before, weren't we?

We were.

Yeah.

But it just seems like it's taken so long.

It's a rough time.

It's a rough time.

Well, we're going on vacation together?

All three of us.

Can you just hold that still a while?

Yeah, I was wondering what was making that noise.

Yeah, it's you.

It's you.

He's got fucking headphones.

Yeah, it's like, why isn't my hand making that noise when I touch the mic?

It shouldn't do that, I would think.

Yeah, I mean, what is this?

Like, pick up sound or something?

But you would think that people holding mics, you know, that they should come up with a mic that

doesn't like, you know, make that sound when you touch it with your hand.

Oh, that sounds like me.

We're around people.

Oh, I hate that sound.

Worst sound in the world.

So, yeah, we're going on to the three of us.

We'll be down in New Orleans, Walt.

I know you're ready to party.

Yeah, New Orleans doesn't sound like my type of town.

Oh, it totally is.

I love it there.

We

read food, lots of partying.

Isn't it all gumbo and shit?

There's all the gumbo you can, yeah.

I mean, a lot of gumbo, a lot of Creole.

Spices.

A little spicy.

It's like a Popeye.

Like, it's just like one gigantic.

Popeye is just like a Popeye.

Yeah.

I don't eat a Popeyes.

Dude, there's so many spices down there.

It's like a fucking Coke lab in the middle of the Columbian jungle.

Yeah, I'm not really looking forward to being in New Orleans.

It's just, I feel like it's like Saddam Gomorrah, isn't it?

Like, I'm going to, it's like.

I hope so.

Everybody's looking for those beads and shit.

And we got some beads.

I don't have any beads.

I got some for you.

Q and I, we went to Key West way back.

Six years ago.

I think it was longer than that.

Ardi Gras.

Where Key West, we bought those beads.

So that would have been like almost 20 years ago.

Yeah.

Jesus Christ.

And recently unearthed a whole box of it.

And I'm talking quality beads.

So we went to New Orleans after Key West because we were in Key West when we found out about Scooter Dude.

Yeah.

And we went to New Orleans.

What was supposed to be my bachelor party?

Right.

That's right.

Okay.

Got our tats.

Yeah, you're going to get a tat maybe, Walt?

Don't you tatted up button?

No, I told my daughter I would never get a tat.

Just to prove a point to her that you don't need to be a badass to have a tattoo.

You don't need to be a badass.

You don't need a tattoo to be a badass.

Is that what I meant?

Yeah.

You don't need to be, you could still be a badass without a tattoo.

And I told her I would never get a tattoo because.

Okay, so in what other other way do you prove it to her?

So I'm just curious.

Yeah.

I told her,

because she's been bugging me that she's going to get a tattoo.

As soon as she's old enough, she's going to get a tattoo.

And I'm like, you're not getting a tattoo.

And she's like, how are you going to stop me?

And I was just like,

and I'm like.

You'll be crippled by that.

I tell her, I'm like, you know what?

I'll stop you just with logic, I said, and I'll show you by living an example for you that you don't need to have a tattoo to be on the edge or

be cool or be a badass because look at that.

But you do.

No, you don't.

You do.

You remain true to yourself and then you're the biggest badass on the planet.

According to yourself, because that's your own fucking, like, that's your own narrative that

I feel like other people are maybe not necessarily buying into.

Yeah, right.

But no, look.

Well, tattoos aren't special anymore.

They're not special, and you're not a badass just because you have a tattoo.

It's a kid, they they are.

But she's really.

You don't go into these fucking stores, and everybody's fucking tatted up.

Like, you go into that.

Dude, it's crazy.

Yeah, you go into that lush, and it's like, what the fuck?

Am I in 1960s Woodstock?

Or am I at a place that sells soap?

Like, everybody's tatted up, and everybody, you know, and they're all, they talk to her, and they make it feel like, you know, like they're the cool people with the tattoos.

And I try to tell her, you know, you don't need it.

They're like, who's the edgeless, dude?

That's my dad.

You respect it without a tattoo.

I I guarantee it.

Yeah, you definitely can, but not like, like, if you're trying to portray the badass image, it definitely helps.

Or the rapids.

But you have to have other things to go, like piercings and shit.

Oh, she wants that too.

No.

Nope.

It's not happening.

I said, well, you can live on your own.

Then you can do all that stuff.

Until then, don't even talk about it.

Because I don't want to hear it.

She's just going to get a tattoo and hide it from you.

And she won't.

She won't do that.

Today, unless it's like a prison tattoo, there's no way.

There's no way anyone's getting it.

Oh, but getting tattoos in New Orleans.

Yeah.

I was like, what brought that up anyway?

Yeah, so we'll be down there for a few days, and we've got to turn it up pretty quickly because we got Sunday night, and then we got to leave, what, Tuesday?

Yeah, we're working Monday.

I'm working Monday, so we've got to get a lot in in such a short amount of time.

You guys can do that, man.

That's what you're, that's your

streets.

I mean, you squeeze more in than most people do in a lifetime in one day.

Yeah, you should have seen today.

We went to

pinball event this past weekend.

That's right.

How'd that go?

It was all right.

It was very, very crowded.

It was too crowded.

It was too crowded, and it was

too much.

The amount of people, like, it was essentially from the second the door opened until it was closed, I was just

swamped we were just sitting at a table signing

signing stuff and I never even got to play pinball with people because there were so many people and the second I stopped early people started complaining and wanting their money back so it was like

oh shit pinball twins showed up they got shut down

the authorities wow you guys fucking shut it down those are the exact words

people were getting too um riled up it was like the who it was like they were afraid someone's gonna get trampled

A couple people got trampled.

Somebody was going to die under a foot.

Minnie Mouse flattened.

No, Minnie Mouse.

You don't know who she is?

No.

You're fucking busy defending fucking Juda Mouse.

She's Mickey Mouse's girlfriend, I thought.

No,

there's an impractical joker.

She's great.

She's not.

There are some crazy fans in the world.

She's not one of those people.

Not TSD fans.

No.

I mean, they're all crazy.

people.

Read the emails.

Well, I mean, they're depressed, but

they're not crazy crazy.

Yeah, I'm trying to describe her.

She's a very present

fan.

She comes to things.

She shows up a lot.

She makes cave con.

She makes surrounds.

She gets around to all the events.

There's a right way to do it and a wrong way to do it.

And her and her ilk, her friends

are all just, you're happy to see them.

They're like, actually.

That's cool.

So if people were going to get stoned to death, I wouldn't want it to be her.

no definitely not me wouldn't it be awesome if some i mean maybe not a fan but just maybe somebody who was there to play pinball got stomped and died on in the because of the pinball twins that would be amazing pr

either one of the people who are in the tournament or one of the security people who were supposed to walk us places and then would just leave and then

you got stuck talking for a long time where you're like i have to like you feel like a dickhead saying like i i i can't keep talking i have to move on to go do this like you're you're there for a reason um

but at the end, this is when it was well, pinball twins got shut down, and I thought, like, we did our raffle or they did the raffle.

And what was the raffle for?

Because I don't think people know, but people who weren't there may not know what you're talking about.

Oh, that's true, yeah.

Uh, so pinball twins showed up, and they had now were the pinball twins on the on the title card or on the on the uh no, so this was a special appearance that no one expected, like how Seinfeld shows up to a comedy club, you know, on announcements.

You can't have pinball without pinball twins.

So people had to know that they were there.

I'll tell you what, without being announced, people seem pretty excited.

They did, yeah.

They got a good reaction.

But they lost your GoPro.

Lost my GoPro.

I'm told I'm going to get it back Thursday, as well as your camera.

No, no, no.

Your GoPro is gone.

They're replacing your GoPro.

I hope they replace it with all the shit that was like a $70 case and part of that fucking tripod thing was another shot.

I would fucking let that be.

Are you fucking with me?

Are you like they lost it?

Therefore they lost our footage?

All the footage is gone.

It was destroyed.

It was wiped.

Somebody else.

It was probably going to be an embarrassment to the

promoters of the event.

So maybe they wiped it on purpose.

Quote unquote lost it.

They're making that poor guy Tim buy you a new one I heard.

Oh, really?

Yeah, but he said.

Poor guy, fuck you.

Why should I take the loss?

Why should he?

Because he was the one who took your slots off.

No, no, no.

I don't mean you should.

I mean, like, the event.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Like, I will honor it.

Yeah.

What has come out of his pocket?

It's coming out of Tim's pocket.

He's like the nicest dude in the world.

Nice guy.

Well,

what are you going to do?

Somebody said, here, hold this camera.

Like, it wasn't no.

Jody told him to hold the camera.

The guy who was running the event told him to hold the camera.

He held the camera.

He should have been holding the camera for.

Like, he was recording this when we were doing that.

So he put it down in a bag, but somebody grabbed his bag.

That's what happened.

Right.

Jody didn't tell me any of this.

Yeah, he put his bag down.

Somebody else grabbed this bag and walked away and left the other bag.

And they were trying to figure out who it was, but they couldn't.

Thank Christ I didn't have anything else on it.

You know, that was my concern.

Yeah, no, there was anything else on it.

So the Pinball Twins are about well, they are there.

They're a very triumphant entrance to

Pinball.

He censored Nookie by

Fred Durst Limp Biscuit.

They greeted the crowd and then they started their raffle.

Now,

where is this in the

room?

It's a two-floor bar slash rock club, all right?

Big venue.

So the downstairs is mostly bar and like eating and shit like that.

There's another room off to the side that's like a concert stage.

It could hold like maybe 200 people or so.

I think more than that.

More.

Then you have upstairs.

I think downstairs, 500 people.

Oh, yeah?

Upstairs, bar,

and a huge area for, again, more rock shows.

Places called the bottom lounge.

I guess they just do a lot of shows there.

So it's on the second floor.

There's a bunch of pinball machines like lining the walls.

Now, if you're like,

let's say you're just facing forward to the left, that's where the tournament's taking place.

To the right, people are just playing pinball and that's where we were.

I'd say we were, what, like 50 feet away from 75.

Maybe no, longer than maybe 100 feet away.

Is it night?

Like, what like was it?

What time of day is this that you just

decide, okay, it's time?

Five o'clock when the door is open.

We don't decide, yeah.

They decided.

Who decided?

The promoters are like, okay, break out the pinball twins now.

The doors open at five.

We were supposed to be fine.

I don't think they were that excited.

Like, that wasn't the tone.

Jody was pretty excited.

Jody and Jack Daniels.

Did he know beforehand?

Like, hey, like, how do you explain them?

Like, hey, we're going to become these.

He knew.

He was there when we created us.

Yeah, he was sitting at the table and we were like, hey, you know what?

Yeah.

So at 5 o'clock in the afternoon, you guys become the Pinball Twins, but you weren't Brian and you weren't

the real Brian Q had not appeared officially

at this event yet.

No, not yet.

So you're going to make your entrance as the Pinball Twins.

Right.

Okay.

That is correct.

All right.

Just

trying again, because I wasn't there.

Right.

I missed a lot of details.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm thinking about the

goddamn camera motherfucker.

All right.

So, um, and you did you give him any lowdown on what you guys are going to do?

Uh, yeah, well, he knew that we were going to do a raffle.

And what was the raffle going to be?

The raffle was third place was, it just said goose.

Um, second prize was goose in a picture.

And then picture as in a photo.

Well,

they misspell everything, so you weren't exactly sure.

Okay.

Um, and then first prize was a romantical dinner with

Bra Umla I,

which is the guy who kind of looks like you a little bit.

So the goose was a little Thai beanie baby goose, and then the pitcher was a custom-made pinball twins tournament.

Pitcher was like engraved on the glass that was like, you know, that you pour shit out of.

So that was a.

How much was that?

A little gift?

It wasn't really that much.

It was like $25.

Okay.

Yeah, it wasn't that much.

So

then when it came time for first prize to be awarded.

how long did you, in your head, did you expect this,

whenever you guys are doing this raffle to take place?

Five minutes?

I thought it would have been pretty quick, but like Jack Danger, who's he's like the main pinball guy there.

He's a professional pinball player?

Yeah.

He plays on Twitch.

His name is Jack Danger.

I don't think that's his real name.

Wow.

Well, you've got to be a badass.

He's not a badass, but he's a really super likable guy.

Really likable, really nice guy.

Yeah.

He might be a badass.

He has tattoos.

Yeah.

But we've all know that that's not the sign of a badass.

You know, so many fucking pussies get tattoos today.

Keep the jeans on.

Oh, hey, let's talk.

I think it takes more fucking balls and fucking character just to fucking not get the tattoo today, right?

I don't think, I think either way, like whatever someone wants to do, it makes no difference in terms of like if you're a badass or you're not.

I think it helps you look like one sometimes.

But it doesn't mean you are one.

Right?

All right.

Continue.

So

in your head, this is going to be a little bit.

Take five minutes,

this whole raffle event.

The raffle itself, yeah.

Jack Danger was rushing through it a little bit.

Now, Jack Danger is where he's a professional pinball player, and he's involved in your raffle now.

Yeah, well, we met him last year, and like I text with him, Q-text with him.

Yeah, I'm off.

Good guy.

So we asked if he would announce it for us, and uh he did he announced them and then when we got to the last one the number was 69 the ticket

yeah i'm yeah you know what we're talking about yeah

it's like isn't that there like when people hear that number 520 or 420 420

so it was number 69 yeah

That's the winning number.

Right.

Nobody has a number.

But then all of a sudden, probably umlawa, turns out he had the winning number,

he won, he won the grand prize.

So we wasted everybody's time.

And you know the band Bare Naked Ladies?

I've heard of them.

Okay, so Ed Robertson, who's

not one of the lead singers, I think there's like a thing going on there.

He's sitting next to us because he was there with us appearing.

He had no fucking clue.

He's like, poor guy.

No idea.

Another nice guy, by the way.

And we had met him earlier.

So we met him.

And then when we came out, we're just just doing this dumb shit.

And I could see him looking at us too, like, what the fuck?

Like,

what am I not part of here?

Is he part of it?

And why?

Well, he was sitting at the table because there was a table for people to sign shit.

But then

it was such a huge crowd around the table.

Penball twins were getting swarmed.

Beatles style.

Dude, it didn't look good for him for a minute.

And then Jodi all, because I was standing on a chair and

beating everybody off of you?

No, just like with the mic to announce it.

And the guy, Jody, says, all right, we got to shut it down, shut it down.

He's like, he hears on like a mic or a little bit more.

Jody Danger.

Jody Danger, yeah.

Is that it, right?

No, it's Jodi's.

Oh, okay.

He's a different person.

Different guy.

Not Jack Danger.

Jody, whoever.

Somebody comes in, comes in.

But he was standing there the whole time.

And I guess he, like, somebody called him or somebody texted me.

He's like, shut it down, shut it down.

I don't know who he's talking to, but he kind of took the mic out of my hand and put it down on the table.

So I picked it back up again.

And there was a moment where I was like,

in a true like WWE style, should I jump on him and like wrestle him to the ground for trying to stop the pinball twins?

Because that's what he would do.

And I'm like, we got to,

if we, if we do it, if they do it again, pinball twins, I'm like, we got to clear a whole bunch of shit ahead of time.

Because it has to be more of a...

Like that kind of thing should be able to happen.

Okay, I'm not following you.

If we do it again, what do you mean?

Like if the pinball twins do something like that again, it has to be a problem.

Oh, like

a little mini performance?

Yeah, just be like, here's what, you know,

you got to

clear it with the promoter.

Ultimately, I didn't give a fuck about attacking him.

I didn't want to fuck you over.

That's really all.

I don't know how it'll affect him if I haul him to the ground and start fighting because they're protecting.

What if you just look at him and you go in his ear and go, just roll with this?

It didn't seem like he wanted to.

Well, I think the problem is there's a major pinball event going on and we're adjunct to it.

yeah so we're gonna act like we're the most important thing

however and this was my argument because i we found out later on i thought it was because of the number 69 and i was like no way like there's no way they're this uh puerile and it turned out that the pinball competition guys complained that it was too loud Now, meanwhile, they have

their pinball playing.

Yes, they have color commentary going on over there.

It's probably louder over there than it was with us.

I think what they really didn't like was the adulation and attention that 300-plus people were giving the pinball twins with their backs turned to these guys.

Oh, I bet, man.

That's a fucking ego, all those pinball players.

I'm sure if I agree with that, oh, definitely.

Because they were all playing pinfalls.

Their backs were turned to us the whole time.

I think

it was annoying them that it was like, but it's going to be that loud regardless, right?

I mean, the only

it's not.

That was a lot of people were on mics screaming, cheering.

Yeah, I don't know, man.

If I'm playing, if I'm playing Bowl World Series, I could see someone being like, yo, could you guys keep it the fuck down?

But you know what?

This is what it could be.

It's not our fault.

What were we there for?

So

why didn't you guys plan it at a time when there was no competition going on?

We tried.

It was always going to be

no breaks.

No breaks.

They didn't want us to do it next to them.

So we were like, okay, we'll go way over over in that far corner there.

Still not good enough.

Still not good enough, man.

They couldn't fucking handle it.

The pinball twins.

Fucking haters.

Dude, pinball twin.

That's all they fucking say.

All over the place.

Geese everywhere.

Geese all up and just fucking up.

Yeah.

We still had fun, but

I feel

if we did do it another time,

things have to be adjusted.

It wasn't as fun as last year for us, or I think really,

because I didn't get to play pinball with anybody, which is what I wanted to do.

Well, here's what happened: which

this was the end of the night, and this kind of like sealed it.

So, Q introduces the Bear Naked Ladies guy.

There's going to be a little show.

Are the Bear Naked Ladies playing?

It's just him doing acoustic.

Did you know him?

He wrote the lady songs, though.

And he wrote the theme song to Big Bang Theory.

Oh, no.

And apparently,

he's just worth $20 million just from that show.

He's just a solo artist, he's still got the cred, huh, without the rest of the ladies?

Yeah.

He said that

him,

his sons, his grandkids, and their kids will never have to work just off the money he made off of

the Big Bang Theory

Deem song.

It's fucking crazy.

Yeah, so why is he at a pinball event?

I think he was friends with Jody.

Like he knew Jody, and he's like, he does it just as shows.

He likes it.

He feels like it.

Who doesn't like pinball?

I'm not that big a fan of pinball.

Just having the right pinball.

Unless you liked it.

I mean, yeah, I went to the Silver Bowl Museum after the movies.

When I was waiting for pickup Alicia, I went to the Pinball Museum for the last hour that I was waiting for her.

These are my people.

It just gets boring everywhere.

It's the same thing over and over again.

And even if you can play 100 machines, it's still essentially the same thing.

You're just flipping buttons and trying to hit targets and make things light up.

And I'm like,

but isn't this any game in the world?

I get bored with it pretty easy, though.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I mean,

hey, don't say it around the pinball twins.

I can handle it.

I'm your friend.

But it was a lot of fun.

I mean, I had a lot of fun just compared to last year.

I wish I had more time to play with people.

Yeah, because we were back in the green room and we were shooting the shit for a little while.

And I was like, all right, I'm going to go out and get a drink.

I'll be right back.

It was almost two hours because I went out there and then pictures and stuff.

I'm going to say this just as a general sort of like heads up, not to anybody specific, but none of us are as charming as we believe we are when we've drank a little too much.

Yeah.

So I'm here to tell you that at these events, from here on out, if you've had too much to drink and you're even mildly verbally abusive, I'm going to have you fucking toss the fuck out.

Ooh, somebody was verbally abusive towards you?

Some fucking stupid bitch who not shut.

I don't care.

She was.

Shut the marbles out now, bro.

You can't give a fuck.

International Woman's Day is in the rear view.

I can say this.

She was abusive to you just the it was like not no not really to me i don't give a to me but like to other people around me that were like trying to talk to me it was like some girl who thought she had like she had these shoes that look like so they look like the shoes of a child and she's like hey my shoes are better than your shoes like all loud and i'm like all right to you whatever personally i still had the and they weren't honestly they weren't because

he's dave listner or no i don't think so no maybe I don't know there were a lot there were a real lot there um but

went on and on and on like you're not as funny as you think you are you're not as charming as you think you are like that's what she said to you no this is what I'm saying this is what I'm saying about certain people that drink too much like that's all

she came up to see you and say that I was like I would have fucking led with that if

somebody said that I was just like holy shit I was like and you didn't and you'd have mentioned this earlier that somebody came up and said that to you I would have come right out of of the gate.

I would have said that.

But it just like it,

and people go on for too long.

They tell you shit that you're like, I don't know why you're telling me this.

But you have to maintain a certain degree of civility and be polite and shit.

So you listen for a little bit.

But

if you think that

you get that way when you drink too much, just don't drink too much.

Just drink a little less.

I want to have a fan.

That's all.

I want to go have a button.

We're trying to take pictures.

People are hanging out and talking, and you have some loudmouth, broad fucking, like, being abused.

Verbally abusive.

Not to me, I don't care about the shoes, but verbally abusive to other people, you know, like around us.

And it was like going to be a fight.

And I was like, I hope somebody smacks her.

She deserves it.

She got smacked in the fucking mouth.

Yeah, it wouldn't be my fault.

But when I finally get back to Q, now what we had asked

two hours earlier was, is there a exit, side exit, back exit?

You know, and then we could go out and then we can go around

to the front.

So Q didn't get stopped like I did.

Like, no, no, no.

And then waited for the.

Well, I didn't want to.

Well, that was the concert.

Right.

He would have had to go through

the actual concert.

And if I did that, I was worried I would disrupt either the show or all the people that were there for us would follow me to the upstairs part, leaving

whoever's left to watch the show.

I didn't want to do that to the guy because he was super nice and, you know.

Yeah, you're polite.

Right.

So I, so no, no other exit.

So I had to sit in the back for two plus hours until the show was over, until the show was over.

Now, that's Tom.

I could be upstairs playing pinball, but I can't because they said there was no back or side entrance because he could have like went out, walked around to the front, and then went upstairs.

And you feel they were lying, right?

Oh, we know they were,

or at least most

of them.

But what was their reason for lying, though?

I think they just didn't know.

I think he asked somebody who didn't know, and but there was a definitive no.

There were no, no, the only exit.

And at the time, I remember being like, that's fucking odd that you can't really have no exits anyway.

But I thought, all right, maybe there's one to the side out there that he didn't want to direct me to.

There was one 20 feet to the right and over five feet.

If I had just walked to the end of the hall, I would have seen it.

Oh, that sucks.

Sounds like you guys didn't have a good time.

No,

we actually had a really good time.

The first night was awesome.

We watched Pet Cemetery.

We watched Pet Cemetery.

When was the last time you saw Pet Cemetery?

In the theater, with the one with the Herman Munster.

Yeah, theater.

Did you like it?

I don't remember.

I don't remember liking it or disliking it.

Just kind of like, I always really liked it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They're making a new one.

Yep.

I remember disliking it because I was like, I just remember it being corny.

And then, like, the we watched the first half, and I was like, this may be the most horrifying movie ever made because of the sister.

Zelda.

Zelda.

The one with all the I might have been a little bit.

I might have been a little.

But Zelda's wildly held up as the most terrifying part of that movie.

But she's horrifying, but when the lady's flashing back to when she was, what is she 12 or 13?

She's super young.

She's put in charge of this.

She's a monster.

Like, Zelda is a monster.

There's nothing about her that even looks remotely.

Like her phones clicking, clacking.

She's like,

everything about her.

And you're like, holy shit, how could this lady not be fucked up?

Then she dies in front of her.

She chokes to death right in the middle of the side.

Like your tongue, like Jabba loaths out of her mouth.

Yeah, she's like right in her sister's face.

She's like, ah.

And the sister just watches her dying.

Like, how could that not fuck you up?

Right, child.

Never walk again.

And then you get to the second half, which is like

Gage launching through the air.

Oh, and the funniest thing was, and you could probably base a drinking game on this, how many times the guy falls, Lewis.

Lewis.

He falls down.

It's like fucking Chevy Chase or something.

Yeah, it's like the plot demands that he trip and falls a lot, we've learned.

Yeah, and we're dying laughing.

And then at one point, the son falls right after he falls.

It runs in the fucking family.

Did you guys like it in its original run?

I did, but I was the right age.

So, do you feel it will

the new one will be superior?

I don't know if it'll be superior.

I'll tell you what, I like what they did.

They killed the girl instead of the boy

in the new movie.

How do you know that?

Because it's in the trailer.

Like that they revealed, like, the big thing is the daughter dies, not cage or googe.

And to me, if you're going to remake a movie,

I like that they did something different.

A little, a little something different.

Yeah, let me see a little something different, which is good.

I like that.

I imagine it's

going to up the ante, right?

You just can't remake that movie.

It's got to be a little bit more gorier.

Yeah.

A little bit more shocking.

Hopefully.

I don't think so, man.

It's pretty fucked up, that movie, though.

Pet Cemetery.

But the remakes always go for less.

They always want PG-13.

Well, it's like Rated R?

If it was Rated rated R back then, they would want to make a PG-13 today.

Yeah, oh, I know so, because they do it all the time.

You can't do the Stephen King car.

No, I'm not saying you can, but like, they don't want to make things gorier in general.

They want to make it.

Wasn't it R?

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't think it's a matter of time.

But

I'm talking about remakes, though.

I mean, we're talking about remakes, like Prom Night.

Was it PG-13?

I mean, of a TV thing.

I wouldn't call that a movie remake.

No, okay.

But that movie was a huge hit with kids.

Was it?

Yeah.

Kids like it?

Kids love it.

Kids are like.

Totally watered down from the book.

I didn't like it.

I didn't even see it.

I haven't seen

a non-superhero movie, a new movie in so long.

I watch a lot more TV than movies anymore.

I can't find it.

I do watch.

I got to ask you about this, man, because I was wondering if this is where you get your rules from, your dyslexia stuff.

So I'm watching Match Game, and for those who do not know what Match Game is, it's a game show hosted by Gene Rayburn, and you have six celebrities.

Well, there's a new version of it now, too.

Oh, is there?

Yeah, hosted by

Alan Thick, I think.

He's alive, I don't think.

Yeah.

Huh.

Or the guy who, or one of the, he has brothers, so they have a whole bunch of brothers.

Baldwin.

Baldwin.

Alec Baldwin.

Alec Baldwin hosts it?

Oh, okay.

Well, this is Match Game 75, so you're not seeing any Baldwins, but you are seeing

Gary Bergeroff or whatever his guy.

Radar O'Reilly, seeing Brett Summers, you're seeing Betty White.

And then you have your two contestants, and then the contestants pick a A or B, and then Gene reads a question, which you have to fill in a blank.

You know, like

Walt went to the store

and

forgot that he wasn't wearing pants, so he bought a blank, you know, and then he got to fill in the blank.

The difference in the quality of questions, where one is like, this is the obvious answer, and if anyone doesn't say this, they probably have brain damage.

Then you have the ones that are like, wait, I'm supposed to pick the same breed of dog that all these guys are going to pick.

It's nearly impossible.

Today,

they had one where...

And Gene, like, you see as he goes on, he starts like reading an accent and stuff, and everybody talks over him, and you're like, I can't fucking hear the question.

I can't even hear what they're saying.

But the question is, in a Dracula, like a Transylvanian accent, like Dracula went to, or a vampire went to

a big league baseball game because it was blank day.

No, any reasonable person would say bat day, right?

So the contestant says vampire day.

Everybody says

bat day, except I think some lady.

Then they get to Betty White,

and she says, Bat Boy.

Now you have a judge on the side who's supposed to rule if something's close enough or not.

And, you know, you'll either get it or he'll strike it.

They approve Bat Boy.

Her reasoning was, she goes, like, because what's a Bat Boy?

Well, he's just like a little vampire, right?

Which makes no sense.

Like, the joke doesn't make sense.

And he gives it to her.

He gives it to the lady as like it's a, you know,

as a correct answer, which it is not.

It isn't.

A bat boy is not the same as a bat.

There is no bat boy day.

It's bat day.

It's like fucking insane.

Like the way the question is written is you're getting worked up.

I was so mad about this today.

I can't tell you.

And I was like, because you know why?

Because the next lady, her question wasn't the easiest, but she was able to win by one.

Now, if she hadn't,

him giving that other lady that answer when she didn't deserve it, that totally changes the fucking course of the game and changes the course of that lady's life, possibly.

You don't know how much she would have went on to win because some fucking asshole, unseen, you never see the judge.

But you agree

to the, if you're going to play and be a part of the game, you agree to be beholden to the judge.

Well, sure, sure.

Yeah, but why?

Did you purposely take your fucking bullshit rolls from dyslexia from there?

Because I'm like, this is just like him.

Watching this shit, you feel the same way as when you're playing dyslexia.

You're like, I can't believe this.

I can't believe that in a sane world, these answers are being accepted.

I'm sorry.

Am I taking crazy pills?

Full overdose sed.

Somebody had an overdose sed, sure.

I took a picture of it.

Oh, did you?

Oh, at the pinball event?

Yeah, it was great.

So, so is that something you think you just picked up?

Or

did you purchase?

I actually purposely fuck with us, but I didn't know if you got it from there.

No, I imagine that the judge probably

may have not have been familiar with baseball terms and that there was such a thing as a bat boy.

Maybe he had never heard of it.

And just maybe he truly was swayed by Betty's argument that

a bat boy is a small vampire.

Yeah.

But it doesn't make any sense.

What does that even mean?

It's entertaining.

But I'm sorry if you're a fucking judge.

If I go to a court and the judge is like, hey, man, I'm not really that familiar with this fucking legal term.

Sorry.

I'd be like, well,

you're the judge.

You are the fucking final word in all of this.

You should know your shit.

Get educated.

Educate yourself, motherfucker.

It's not a law on match game, though.

But it's a rule,

which is like a little brother to those rules.

I mean, they shouldn't.

They shouldn't, because this guy could just decide.

They're all dead, except for Betty White.

Yeah, Betty White's the only one who remains.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You're getting worked up in a rage.

Well, no, I am concerned more with the contestants.

Like, their offspring are now potentially suffering because of this asshole judge who's like, what's that bad boy?

I don't know, sure.

You know, I don't like to disagree with you.

I don't like to disagree with you.

Why?

Why not?

Why don't I like to do that?

Yeah,

I've seen some people question that.

Like, it just seems like you'll find any reason to agree with them.

Because we're boys.

What else are you supposed to do?

I mean, when he's unreasonable, I want to back him the most.

I say, nothing could be This seems soft.

I can disagree with him on this one.

This feels like whenever he was smoking watching Pet Cemetery, he picked up again watching match game today.

I laughed my balls off in Pet Cemetery.

The world is so, we did.

We were laughing so fucking, every time he fell, we were like, this is unbelievable.

He's falling this much.

The world seems obsessed with fairness these days in a way that, like,

has nobody ever told people that life isn't fair and so to me i'm just like fuck it bat boy works if it works for that judge it works for me i know with the fairness yeah but i put myself in the position yeah i agree i put myself in the position of because that's what boys do i put myself in the position of that contestant and i would be like you've got to be fucking kidding bat boy seriously no she lost anyway right that lady lost even with the one she still lost so ultimately it didn't matter but i have seen others where i'm like i would protest it this is is crazy.

This is insane.

Who do you bring your protest to?

I don't know.

Or I would wait outside for that fucking judge.

Oh, cocksucker.

Well, I know on Jeopardy, like sometimes that I remember one time they brought a guy back because he complained and they brought him back to

because his answer really was in the light of day acceptable.

Huh.

Yeah, I think most game shows aren't out to fuck their contestants.

I think for the sake of having, they have to have somebody win.

They also have to have some entertainment.

And they though, maybe they think you know, somebody at home will maybe get you know worked up about it, and they, you know, they're doing their job years later.

Everyone's dead, probably even the contestants, yeah, still.

I wanted to ask you this, Q.

You're talking about the world's trying to become a fairer place.

No, the world,

there are some people in the world who believe that the world could possibly be fair.

Well, you're

striving to make the world a fairer place.

I am.

Nobody wants to listen to me.

But that's what, that's what, and you know, that's what we're doing.

Well, I don't know if you know, are we?

Because New York City is, quote unquote, the fairest city in the world these days.

Like good-looking people, like who's the first one?

I don't know what it means, but they're always saying the top brass in the may is off is always talking about how fair New York City is going to be.

I'm sorry, how is that quantifiable?

I don't know, but all I know is the squeegee men are back.

There are homeless people screaming everywhere dude last time i was there's tons of garbage like in those black bags all over the side of the road dude it's weird like like now you walk down the street in the winter and like there's just frozen piss like every three four feet in the sidewalk because they've made it so that you can now pee and defecate new york city and it's not a crime because it's fair yeah it's fair to the homeless people it's fair

Are you still

a British supporter?

Do you still into the Brits?

Love them.

You used to be a bit more, though, into the Brits.

Yeah, when I had free time.

Could barely fucking keep it together.

You used to be all into Brit culture.

You'd keep up on their pop culture.

You'd watch their shows.

I still do.

Remember it?

Remember the in-betweeners?

You still graduated from it?

I talked to you the other day.

I talked to him like two days ago.

Nice.

Well, did you hear about what the Royal Family?

And I don't know what your feelings are on the Royal Family, but.

Good tourists' attraction.

I think they make more money than they supposedly get away with.

Would you ever support giving all the power back to them?

Yeah.

You would.

Sure.

He doesn't live there.

Why wouldn't he?

What the fuck do I care?

But as somebody who loves Britain.

I would love to see them go back to a fucking stern monarchy.

I would love it.

I think we'd be ruling with an iron head.

Like they're putting people in fucking torture devices and shit.

I would love it.

Well, they're trying to do something, the British family that I found to be

a social experiment that I'm like, good.

I am in full support of this because

the royal family has issued a social media guidelines after Megan-Kate abuse.

The royal family has told social media users to show courtesy, kindness, and quote-unquote respect when interacting with its online post after repeated cases of online abuse directed at Duchesses Megan and Kate.

The family released a set of guidelines for anyone engaging with our social media channels on Monday, banning any obscene, offensive, threatening, abusive, hateful, and discriminatory posts.

Megan.

That's okay, though.

Sure.

Like, I think this is like this is

what happens anyway.

That's what happens anyway.

But

is it illegal?

It's not illegal, right?

They're just saying on their own social media.

They're just saying, don't be dicks.

Yeah.

Well,

I assumed it was like a law now that if you got caught doing it, you could be arrested.

That's what it's more of.

People getting arrested for royal decrees.

Royal decrees.

I don't see anything in here that says it's just like

you're going to pay some sort of fine.

How the fuck can they put you in jail?

I don't know, not jail, but a fine.

Even fined.

Why should you be fined if you say something?

Why?

Because if it's abusive, what else is it?

Did you get abused?

Oh, no.

Did somebody hurt feelings?

Oh, did somebody say

abusive towards you?

Lock him up, throw away the king, lock him under the fucking jail.

All right, what about threatening?

What's the threat?

Well, that's always been illegal, right?

Yeah.

Well, hateful and obscene.

Does somebody hate you?

Join the fucking club.

Go look at my Reddit thread.

We're on trial.

There'd be nobody in that subreddit if we could fucking lock up those assholes.

You'd You'd have to find another island, like Australia, you know, like a whole continent and shit.

Prison, prison island.

Australia all over it.

But I mean, you don't think that that's fucking ballsy?

That they're just like, all right, fuck it.

No, they're pussies.

They're fucking pussies.

We're so proper and regal.

And we demand respect from you, commoners.

Suck my cock.

Whoa.

Fuck you assholes.

Fuck all of you.

I'll have to disagree with you again.

Fuck all of you.

Why?

Why can't can't you show them a little respect you're the fucking i don't give a fuck about their it's a title if they're yeah but these are right these are women that oh that was

related to people who were once in power by force i might add that woman that who's the newest one megan what's the newest one whoever she

was a fucking chick living in california she's not prepared for fucking the world to be is that my fault is that my fault is that so you she shouldn't have to face this is it wrong for them to say like hey man why don't you guys fucking cool out on it yeah Why is it wrong?

Because she put herself in that position.

Just like fucking Joey Fatone, public domain.

The fuck's name.

She belongs to us now.

Why can't

the world just be a little nicer?

I don't know.

I don't do it.

I don't go onto the royal web page or whatever.

I don't know why people do, though.

A lot of people do.

I don't know why people like,

it's like a drug for them to go on and say horrible things to famous people.

But here's what we're saying.

We have feelings, too.

I wasn't counting you as all of the famous people.

All right, fine.

They say here, the royal family said it reserves the right to delete comments, block users, and report

posters to police.

We're going to tell on you.

And

they want threatening.

I think all of the above.

All of the above

should be on the table.

What are you fucking hanging out with this fag from the fucking Madison Square Garden?

James Dolan.

Did you read this?

The James Dolan guy?

Who's that?

You didn't hear that.

He owns the Knicks.

We'll talk about it after this.

This is unbelievable.

This guy is the biggest pussy in America.

Uh-oh.

Oh, yeah.

And I know you'll agree with this.

But you don't think...

Because you don't give a fuck about MSG anymore.

Yes, I do.

You're wrong about that.

Wait, he owns MSG?

He's a big wig.

He owns the Knicks.

and the Rangers.

That motherfucker's wig is big.

Well, I think Live Nation owns the MSG.

He owns like MSG Corporation, like some.

I don't want to bad mount them then.

I think he's fine.

I like that.

You don't think that we're suffering an epidemic right now, don't you?

Of what?

Yeah.

Multiple.

Of social media abuse?

No, I think we're facing an epidemic of fucking people being pussies about it.

No, no, no.

Yeah.

No, no, no.

The things that are being written

are just off the charts.

It's uncalled for.

It's not proper respect.

You got to respect Trump.

Okay, all right.

If you agree with that, should people be fined then for saying the same shit about Trump?

Because people do it all the time.

Way more than these guys, I bet.

And that's worldwide.

In America.

Or the royal family.

No, in America.

Well, we'll never be able to do it because we have a freedom of speech.

Britons don't.

Okay.

My bad.

Do they not?

I mean, he's pretty continental.

Let's take his word for it.

I don't think Brits really have that, right?

Do they?

I never hear them fucking proudly

proclaiming their freedoms.

Well, they're very reserved, the British.

They don't like to show off.

And yeah,

I mean, free speech as much as

is allowed, I guess.

You know, like Canada, it's like if some dude in a wig comes up and you're like, hey, what's up, man?

And it's like, ah, it's ma'am, you know,

and then

you have to go to re-education camp.

I love this, though.

It sounds like a vacation.

Listen to this.

Whatever.

Listen to this caveat in the story, though.

The royal family also states that all comments must not be off-topic, irrelevant, or unintelligible.

That's all.

How fucking awesome is that to say that?

I agree.

What's left?

Just praise, bitch.

Just praise him.

Yeah, that's what they want.

They want you to come on there and talk about how beautiful her fucking wedding dress is.

Is that what you want too, though?

Is that what you mean?

No, I don't give a fuck.

Oh, you know, you wouldn't rather.

I hardly ever go on social media.

No, I don't care.

I promise you.

Why the fuck?

Yeah, you would rather he would rather.

Why are you asking me then?

Why ask me if you're not going to fucking believe what I say?

You only believe what you want to hear then.

So if I'm like, yeah, man, oh my God.

Do you think there's any nice ones on there right now?

I'd love to read it.

I don't give a shit.

I don't care.

I don't want to.

So if you care about fucking match game more than what people are saying about you, you're fucking out of your mind and you got to get off.

Woo!

405 episodes in.

He figured it out.

You got to get off the fucking drugs then.

What drugs?

I don't know.

I wish I was on drugs.

Because if you're

telling me that if you care more about what people think about you than than a match game fucking outcome then something's not clicking right the fucking synapses aren't firing right probably not because i'm telling you like i don't i don't i can't remember last time somebody said something negative about me online that i saw But I guarantee it did not affect me as much as of them accepting Bat Boy in place of bat.

I was like, because the first thing I thought was the weekly World News, but I don't think he was out by then, Bat Boy.

Was he?

No.

Yeah.

I couldn't remember when Bat Boy was a thing.

But I'm telling you, yeah, it just.

Of course, it's better to read nice stuff about yourself.

I would take forced

praise over a real

comment.

Okay, so if we really would.

I really would like this.

I would really rather read.

That's exactly what that plays.

Like I said, I'd rather read a bunch of fake,

great, positive things about myself than to read what people really think.

Timothy, that would be like, that's a fucking, the royal family is gone to something.

And I wish I was British.

Okay, so everyone just heard that, right?

Go on Twitter.

Tell them Steve Deep.

I want you to post

something nice about Walt.

I don't think that's a good thing.

Hashtag compliments for Walt.

No, no, no, no, no.

I don't think he's going to be complimentary.

You know, to be civil on top of that.

Yeah, just whatever Walt read about the royal family, same applies to our Twitter account.

Yeah, TSD royalty over here.

I just mean

in my general life, in every aspect of my life, though.

Right.

Oh, you just want people to say fake shit to you all the time?

Yeah.

Well, they did when we were on TV.

What's the James Dolan thing?

So the James Dolan thing is, I guess, some guys,

James Dolan, who is American businessman.

I'll read it from the Wikipedia here just to give a general idea of who he is.

American businessman who serves as executive chairman and CEO of the Madison Square Garden Company, executive chairman of MSG Networks, blah, blah, blah.

Oversees day-to-day operations of Knicks, Rangers, and the New York Liberty.

So

he's walking somewhere and these guys, these fans,

say, hey, you should sell the team.

And I guess he doesn't like that and he's like wait what did you say and he's like you should sell the team and he and he goes how would you like to get banned like from the garden and he goes why and he's like because that's rude what you said and

the uh

and then goes on to get his uh security to hold the guy there oh they

banned him from the every

within the garden he didn't say it when they were walking on the streets no he said it when they're in the streets i think he was like well he were walking

security can't stop them.

Because I think they were walking into like they were right by the garden.

How would they get their ID or anything?

I don't know.

Maybe they just asked him.

Oh, my buddy got banned from the guardian, but he was a drunk mess.

But they took him into a lot, like a room, took his driver's license.

Is it who I'm thinking of?

No.

Okay.

Well, who do you think it was?

I thought it was Finn, maybe.

No, but same stripe at first.

Okay.

Yeah, same stripe.

Finn should

be banned.

Okay, wait a second.

So he barked, sell the team from the stands.

Okay, so he was in the garden.

As Dolan slipped out of Madison Square Garden after yet another Knicks loss on Saturday.

So as he's leaving, somebody says, sell the team.

Right.

And then

I guess that's.

I don't see anything wrong with that.

He's got enough money to fucking make that happen.

And he's just like.

So the more money you have, you can just fucking make arbitrary requests.

He owns the fucking place.

He can own it.

He doesn't own it.

If he can get them banned, well, he owns that team.

And if he doesn't want that person, he doesn't own the team.

He's just a bad person.

Well, he's given the power to ban people, so it's at his discretion.

He's got the power, power, man.

Why not use it?

So you believe in the arbitrary ban.

But the things that the things that people are arbitrary.

It is because the things that people say in there are way worse than fucking sell the team.

But he's got to hear them, and it may be been a bad day.

And he's a pussy.

Fuck him.

He's a pussy.

He's a fucking pussy.

He's the biggest fucking pussy in the world.

I'm a fucking USQ board shut down.

No one fucking will say anything they don't like about it.

I didn't shut it down.

I just said things that led to it being shut down.

Oh, I thought the hypocrisy.

It's like, I could cut it with a fucking knife.

No,

I did not have it shut down.

He's lying.

Everyone listen, he's lying.

But just, you know, you just don't want to hear it anymore if you're a fucking James Bowen.

Tough shit.

That comes with the fucking territory.

So what's next then?

Like, fans can't say anything to the opposing team.

You have to be respectful of them.

Hey, fucking royal.

Fans aren't able to throw batteries at opposing teams.

If I can't fucking chuck a battery at somebody,

nail John Rocker, I'd be like, sell the team.

So regardless.

It's a suggestion.

It's not even a fucking insult.

It is a heckle.

And if you're going to try to, I mean, defend, it's not a heckle, then I don't know what to say.

And you don't think that's an overreaction, though?

It may be an overreaction, but it's one I'm like, good,

good.

This guy knows he's not a bad guy.

But you were a fan, man.

You never fucked up.

I've been in the games with you.

You never fucking shouted out shit about somebody sucking.

Bullshit.

I don't think so.

I don't think so.

Oh, my God.

I don't think so.

Oh, my God.

I said my own team sucked.

No, not your own team.

I said that, Lou, you suck.

No, no, no, no, no.

If you're heckling the opposite, the opposing team, though.

No, but he was being heckled by his own fans, which is even more of a betrayal.

Tough shit.

That's a betrayal.

I would never be afraid of the damage.

No, he's betraying those fans by fucking having a shitty team that can't win.

He's trying.

He spent the money.

Oh, is he doing it?

Has he given his best effort?

Yeah.

Well, then he should be fucking fired because he's not doing the job.

He shouldn't be fired.

He owns them.

He should be fired.

You should have it taken away from him.

This is a bigger offense than fucking Donald Sterling.

So he should have it taken away from him.

Yeah.

Because he's

because he's a pussy.

He's also, listen to this, man.

He's in this, like, it's called

JD.

He's a band, like this blues band, that I guess he's sort of like

it's it's they suck.

Like, it's, I was listening to some of the music, they suck, but he's he's open for the Eagles.

Come on, how do I

got investigative journalism flowing through my veins?

Uh,

he's he's like open for the Eagles for a bunch of other bands that like he has no business opening for, but it's only because no, no way, and but it's because

it's on the level of the Eagles,

you mean the same kind of like tall

No, I think, no, I think it's

a little more mellow, not as rockin'.

So you wouldn't like this music even if it was, even if he was good, would you recognize it as being good?

Because you're not a fan of the Eagles or even mellow music, are you?

So what?

But you can recognize your ear can differentiate.

Yes, I can tell between a bad singer.

I can tell between a bad singer.

Yeah, he's a singer.

Dude, you got to watch the fucking videos.

You got to watch this video, Ballyhoo.

You're like, holy shit.

He's just such a douche.

He's just such a fucking little baby douche that can't take it.

Like, so sell the team.

He's like, you're out.

Because I got fucking power and I got money and I'm, but I fucking have no ability to fucking say, like, take something that.

He probably took a lot of it.

Yeah.

And he just snapped on one dude.

Dude.

Over that.

Over that.

Sell the team.

Are you telling me that you can't appreciate

lashing out

with, you know what I mean?

It's just, I don't know, with this on top of that.

That fans just got to be like, what?

Oh, yeah.

And then that's going to feel so so good.

But this fucking puss, then what he went on to do was

he did an interview with some sports podcast or whatever.

He's saying that he was the victim of an ambush that says the scheme was

concocted by a couple of guys looking to squeeze a few bucks out of TMZ with him blowing his stack.

So them saying sell the team.

He's extrapolating that they had this in place so that when he blew up, they would take the tape, sell it to TMZ, and make money.

And that's why he's banning them.

That's crazier than fucking caring about shit from 75 on Match Game Order.

That's paranoia.

Right.

Right?

Paranoia.

But you don't know if that's not.

You can't.

It's not true.

I can't say it's not true, but he can't say it is true and use it as a reason to like.

He suspects it.

Even if he suspects it, yeah.

He doesn't need a reason.

Well, no, I mean, if he goes on a podcast, he does need a reason.

If somebody's like, why'd you do it?

He needs a reason to be like, well, here's a reason.

But you want to

just earlier in this episode say that if you're abusive to somebody you're at the con wanting to talk to you and they drank too much and they were abusive, get them the fuck out.

Get them the fuck out of here.

Did you not just say that?

Yes, but

if somebody defines abusive as sell the team, somebody goes, hey, you should sell the team.

That's not fucking abusive.

It's broad.

It's broad abuse.

No, like, hey, cock sucker.

Sell the team.

Stop fucking sucking cock and sell the team.

That's abusive.

Saying, sell the team as a fan, you do know, motherfucker.

I know it's a fan.

No way.

That's still heckling.

No, I'm with him.

I'm not with Brian.

I'm with the guy.

James Dolan, right?

Damn, because that could have been, like, how much is he supposed to fucking, he's like, Megan Markle, man.

How much does he need to take?

More than that.

That seems, I'm sorry.

It just seems like pussy shit.

It just seems like thin-skinned.

But I think that's the buildup of a million people saying that, though.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't think it was just that one dude.

I think that guy.

Everybody with their fucking hurt feelings.

I thought New York was the fairest fucking

city ever.

Everybody's fucking running around worrying about everybody else.

So fair.

You see a great city of people fucking mining their own boots.

That guy ain't been able to sit in a fucking logo.

Leaving me alone.

No piss in the fucking sidewalk.

No shit in his fucking corners.

Not garbage everywhere.

The squeegee men.

Giuliani got rid of the squeegee men fucking 20 years ago.

He's bummed because his team's losing.

He's such a, he just looks like a douche.

He looks like Judd Apato meets Joe Papio.

He should.

So is there no line that a fan can't cross in saying something to him?

Look, yes, I think there is.

I don't think Sell the Team is that line where he's like, you're banned, and then go on to say it's a conspiracy against me.

Plus, he's got a fucking douchey fucking ban.

His last album sold 113 copies.

I will say this.

Never give up your fucking driver's license.

to anyone that's not a fucking cop.

Anybody that asked for your driver's license that's like, let me see your driver's license.

That's not a fucking fucking cop.

Do not give me a license.

Really?

Yep.

Well, you don't have to do it if you're a cop.

You could just be like, hey, I'm a citizen of the earth or whatever.

Well, whatever.

A cop, I'll always get my IP too because I just want to go about my business.

But

you don't need to show your license.

In my old bad drinking days, anytime security was like, let me see your license, and you show it to them, they take it, and they'd be like, well, now we're calling the cops.

And you can't get your license back until they're here.

But if he's inside, like you said, they're in the stands, they're in the guard, and they're yelling that, then I guess security does have the right.

Oh, yeah, they have they got to be armed, right?

Yeah, but you can't

be like, I'm not giving you my license, throw me up.

Yeah, that's all fuck you.

But I guess they gained their license, and I guess they're on a now no-fly list.

I guess so.

Buddy was on there, and that's fucking serious, too.

Like, they have like facial recognition technologies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, they might use it to keep fucking terrorists out of concerts with little girls rather than fucking keeping fans who make mild fucking suggestions.

Why not?

This fucking cocksucking asshole.

Why not both?

Yeah, have them for both, but at least have it for the one, which is way more important.

Fucking idiots, these people are.

A bunch of babies.

Everybody's such a baby.

Oh, I'm going to tell on you.

Yeah.

Ooh, you hurt my feelings.

Ooh, I don't like what you said.

Yeah, it's funny.

Because, like, I, I,

you know, we have a lot of women working on the practical jokers, right?

And I showed you the picture the other day, and it's funny because now the best joke I can ever post, but uh, even they're starting to be like,

like, I always feel like women are almost like a, what's that test?

A litmus test?

Roshack.

Yeah, not Roshak.

It's like when they start noticing things.

Like, I always say, like, when the women start smelling a body oda, you know, it's fucking hot out.

Like, it's just women always tail a little bit in terms of like expressing fucking angry opinions, I find.

And the girls lately are, like, on the set are just like, why the fuck is everybody so sensitive these days?

Like, it's crazy.

Are you finding it harder to make jokes on Dorn and Practical Jokers?

Yeah, we definitely shut down a lot more jokes internally that we didn't used to.

But that you say out loud during the taping or make the final cut?

Both.

Both.

Both.

But we've always.

So you got that inner, what's it called?

And I don't know.

And a filter that you're like, oh, no, I'm not.

We have, and that filter has gotten more restrictive as the years go by.

But our brand of humor is so broad and inviting that,

you know, I don't think anybody would notice the jokes we don't say anymore.

What about the jokes you do say?

They're fucking hysterical.

No fat.

Lean and me.

Yeah, it's

a world out there.

But I don't know.

Again, like in real life, I don't really run into people who are offended.

Nope, never.

Or get hurt feelings.

Like, not in real life.

Yeah, it's only online.

Like, I'll give you one example.

We shot something the other day, a commercial.

So it was scripted.

We weren't even doing it.

And what's the matter?

You got a little far away, you sound like.

Oh, how's that better?

Yeah, much better.

And in the script, Murray, you know, Murray's bald.

We always make fun of that.

And he's looking at this guy in the script, and he's lying.

He's like, oh, you have great hair.

And the joke is, we do it on the show, Murray's bald.

He's always obsessed with people's hair.

But because the guy that they cast was black,

there was a big internal discussion.

And it was like,

we can't mention his hair.

He's black.

This was the company that hired us to do something.

And we were like, but it's a joke from the show.

Murray looks at people's hair and be like, people are telling you you can't say this.

But you should turn around and be like, you understand that's racist, right?

To not joke around with a black guy because he's black

about hair?

Not like

them paying me to show up and say something.

I know what you're fucked up and says.

I know what you're saying, but that's the fucking asshole mentality of people.

Like, what they're doing is racist, but they don't fucking get it.

And we didn't even understand why we were getting that note.

They're like, you can't say that line.

And we're like, what the fuck is the problem?

And finally, someone had the balls to be like, because he's black.

We don't want to say, we don't want to point out that his hair is different.

And we're like, but the joke is that he has nice hair and Murray has no hair.

And they're like, we don't even want to touch it.

They still don't want to be bothered by it.

Why don't you send Shay in, man, as your ambassador?

She gets shit done.

Shay gets everything done.

For me, when someone's paying me to show up and do something, and you're like, if we don't do this, will I go home quicker?

Yeah, and I'm like, this whole conversation is.

If I argue with it and take an hour or more time to argue it and have to stay on set an hour longer and still not get to say it i just won't say it but at the same time man on comic book man what if we didn't speak up and say like what if we didn't speak up and tell those guys like yo we're not going to do the wedding

i never did speak up i just i would have just you spoke up

i didn't speak up you didn't disagree and i took that as support

i feel like this is a real problem about it though it's just like in the future to tell the jokes that that we want to tell not we but like that to tell the jokes that that script demands, we can't hire black.

We can like someone say, like they've created it, this situation where it's just a black guy just lost a job because of it.

In the future, it's just like we got this great joke about hair.

We can't fucking, God forbid we say something about this black guy's hair.

You know how sensitive they are.

Like, what is that?

And then that's it.

And there's no, and there's nothing in place to stop that.

You know what I mean?

So it's going to happen.

Like, I've heard people say, like, I'm hiring an assistant.

Well, I'm just hiring a white dude.

I don't, I don't want a woman.

Nobody wants to get me too.

I don't want a woman, and I don't want a minority because I don't want to put myself in a situation where they can put me in a lawsuit.

So the safest choice for me, who's running a business, is to just hire a white dude.

And if you want to be doubly safe, an older white dude.

Because you don't know if a younger white dude's going to be all woke and pussify.

I mean, I'm just telling you what they said.

And it's like, I've heard it more than once.

I've heard that more than once.

And it's just like, oh man, like, that's dire.

Because that actor was good today.

He was great.

He was a fun guy to work with.

And, like, in the future, you could see them not hiring.

It sucks.

I don't know.

Which is the bigger dilemma.

I'm here pondering.

I'm like, I don't know.

The Bry's match game problem where you're.

I don't have any problems.

Here's the thing: they're one in the same.

It's still a problem.

It was back then, and it's a fucking problem today.

I don't have a problem.

I have no problems.

They don't want me to say anything in the check clios.

I won't say it in the checklist.

What else we got?

Anything?

I feel like we've got an ad.

Oh, yeah, we got two ads.

Yeah.

Ask yourself this one very important question, Q, is your underwear making you happy at this very moment?

It wasn't always, but it is now.

Mm-hmm.

Or you're not even thinking about it.

Now, all I'm knowing is I'm sitting here comfortable.

Right.

Cradled, if you know what I mean.

Uh-huh.

That's what Miundies does.

Mm-hmm.

All right.

You ready to motivate the audience?

Walt.

You go to here.

Like, you got that whole coach mentality.

Yeah, I've tried.

BuzzFeed said this about Miundies.

They're Nazis.

Why the fuck, BuzzFeed?

Let's go to Ask Men.

BuzzFeed?

What are you talking about?

BuzzFeed.

BuzzFeed's like one of those, they started out as like.

No, I know what BuzzFeed is.

Why are they calling me on these Nazis?

No, they call everybody Nazis because it's one of those woke fucking websites.

Ask Men said that they feel like silly.

This is the shit I hate.

All these metaphorical nonsense.

You just got talked about Q talking about are they

someone's paying him to say what he has to say and what you're doing right here is the exact opposite and that's and that's why Q is where Q is why I shit on a gold toilet.

I flush my soul down.

You have integrity.

I shit in the toilet that he threw out when he replaced it with a gold one.

My old silver toilet, a disgusting silver toilet.

But the house is on such an angle you don't even have any water in your bowl.

So it's just this dry ball that

I'm like, Sage, I need to stomp down again.

Just shut up and take the money.

Yeah, I'll take the money, but I'm not going to read this bullshit.

It's fucking nonsense.

It's nonsense.

They're like, oh, aren't you fucking clever?

Go ahead.

Fucking just talk about the underpattern of the underpattern.

It's money.

Just take the money and say what they want you to say.

Integrity.

You know what?

Integrity.

You know who's integrity?

My grandfather.

He's been cold, dead in his grave for decades.

How's that integrity?

Greatest generation.

Nonsense.

Nonsense.

Disgusting.

I have to agree, though, that covered in his own filth.

Pry, the BuzzFeed comment is kind of strange and is kind of maybe,

I don't know.

Listen to this, Q.

You know how soft a two-year-old's underbelly is.

They feel like actual heaven against your skin.

We're going to assume heaven is really soft in this context.

Now, is that, I mean, how would Father Lance feel about that comment, though, about

comparing

bodies to heaven?

Maybe

I mean, I mean, I've compared blowjobs to heaven.

Yeah,

I don't know that I did.

I guess talking to the wrong guy.

I guess underwear would fall into the same category.

Come on, man.

I mean,

so father, so father that could offend Fatherland.

Yeah, that's that's not cool because

he's they're comparing a pair of underwear to fucking eternal salvation.

They're comparing underwear to an imaginary place, like you know, Santa's workshop or something.

That's what offends me.

or heaven or heaven

you know I don't I don't know if I dig the BuzzFeed one too less so we're not you're gonna use the BuzzFeed one sorry BuzzFeed I told you it was offensive okay this one's good though Kenny G he's probably got nothing to Kenny G the music on tour they say Kenny G says they are so soft that he thinks about getting inspired to write his next song while wearing his meundies

flute up my ass all right

another guy who's got a ton of money he shuts the fuck up.

He plays his flute.

Just plays his flute and fucking.

Just do it.

Not a peep.

Just play your fucking flute, boy.

You got it.

I get to live in this mansion if I just shut the fuck up and play the flute.

Yeah, you do.

I live there.

What's a toilet look like?

Gold?

Integrity.

Fuck your integrity.

Get your flute.

Play that flute, boy.

Miondis uses the coveted Micro-Modal fabric, which is a full three times softer than cotton.

Take that big cotton.

Yeah.

Fuck big cotton.

Cotton's like hell.

Big cotton's why we're fucking living in the fucking shit world we're living in right now.

Oh, bringing it back to slavery era.

Yeah.

I was going to say, yeah.

It's pretty political when I wear cotton underwear.

I won't use cotton balls.

None of it.

Not only will you feel like your loins are being hugged by joy itself, but Miondis gives you multiple style options for both men and women.

This is a shit copywriter who's like, I'm just going to use as many fucking metaphors as I can because I think I'm fucking clever.

It's like, get to the fucking point like we do.

We didn't talk about match game for a half hour or meonday.

Rambling or a 30-second spot for seven minutes so far.

Yeah, give this info.

Meondy's is also the go-to for the softest loungewear on this side of the Mississippi.

You wear yours around?

My loungewear?

I don't usually lounge.

I'm not a person who can lounge in their underwear.

Well, loungewear is like robes and pajamas.

Are they in the outgame now?

Is that what that means?

Because I'm a big one.

Robes and pajamas are my, that's my thing.

You're right.

It's called super comfy lounge pants.

You're right, Q.

Miondi's.

You got to send me that out.

You got to send me some of those to try on.

I wouldn't send us shit after this.

Why?

After this read, I would not send us enough.

I wouldn't even

don't even pay us, Meondy.

No, no, no thank you no no that's integrity right now let's do this ad for free right now this one's on a house i'll do that i got no integrity

i want that 30 bucks

i'll tell you what send me some fucking loungewear and we'll call this one even uh you know i want back to your question about how i when i lounge it's got to be in at least four layers yeah yeah you wear a winter coat and we're

like candy from south

yeah i'm not one to get down.

Like, even like, I can't even wear pajamas without underwear.

I've got to have a pair on.

Slong's too big.

Slongs flying out.

It just feels like I need underwear on at all times.

I'm the same.

I always wear underwear.

You really?

Yeah.

Can't sleep, nude?

I have when it's been too hot, but

I need to be ready to run out of the house at a moment's notice.

Why is that from your old days when you're fucking, you know, you were the hound getting old, half fucking married technically?

I thought you were going to say expire bed.

Yeah, I thought you were going to expire.

No, no, I'm going fucking old school BQ.

No, I never slept at their house.

I met them in a fucking parking lot down at Great Hills Park.

No crying eyes.

No

rolling love den.

The whole point of sleeping with a married person is you don't have to deal with the accoutrements that come with a loving, normal relationship.

Bang and go.

All right.

Yeah, I just cannot feel comfortable unless I have underwear on.

Well, you have two younger girls at home, too.

So it's like if your wiener's all outlined and you're launchwear.

I wasn't always a father, you know.

Oh, even then.

Even back before I had kids, I had to have underwear on and law.

What a party it must be at the Florida house.

What a party.

I'm the same.

It just feels weird.

It's like, whatever I'm doing that I don't need underwear on for, whether it be the three main things, once I'm done with those things, fucking underwear back on, baby.

Yeah, immediately.

Shitting, shower, and sex?

Yeah.

yeah.

What else did you think of?

What's the first thing?

No, I wanted to make sure that we were all in alignment.

You never know.

If there's a fourth one, I want to know.

I'd like to think about that, maybe.

You know why?

Because I don't wear pajamas one.

I lounge around in my house.

I get on a nice pair of pajamas.

Where else would you lounge around?

Oh, a hotel room?

Okay, you were lounging

the other day, man.

I'd like to go on a PJs in a robe.

Yeah.

Second I get home.

That's what I do.

Change my whole mind.

But I have to have boxes on underneath.

Me too.

Same way.

You, Brian?

No, not really.

You can go without, you can go commando, as they call it.

Not out in public normally.

Unless I know I'm not going to get out of the corner.

But don't you want to wear the pajamas like a second?

You don't wash them every time you wear them.

No.

Well, that's...

So you're free-balling and sweating into pajamas with your ball sweat and then you wear them again the next night?

Not just the next night, like the next like 15 nights.

No, no, no, I can't do that.

Usually I wear just like boxers anyway, because I get so hot all the time.

Just boxers.

But yeah, if I'm lounging, no underwear.

No, I got it.

For me to be comfortable, I've got to have my Miundis on.

I like to go to Target with tight pants and no underwear and get like because it's so aggressive.

Like, what are you looking at?

Oh, you're looking at this?

It's only what God gave me.

Miundis has a great offer for TSD listeners.

For any first-time purchasers, when you get Miundis, you get 15%

off and free shipping.

This is called the no-brainer.

Get 15% off a pair of the most comfortable undies you will ever put on.

This is a call to action, and this is mandatory.

Treat yourself, especially after this spot, which is really dicey.

If people signed up and you don't have to just try one pair to show them, like, hey, hey, they didn't read your fucking corny-ass metaphors.

It still worked.

And we still motivated them.

Yeah, they didn't have to talk about how it was soft as fucking chiffon or fucking silky like this.

They just fucking did their own thing.

Oh my god.

These people.

But there's no

better.

So your whole life is somebody being like, we know better than you do.

From the fucking cradle to grave, somebody fucking knows better than you do.

You're iron

over everything from a 40-year-old fucking

game show is evenly matched to a person that's paying you to read what they fucking send you.

It's all the same.

It's all the same.

And it shouldn't be.

There should be some sort of fucking monitoring system.

The synapters are firing right.

Is there any way somebody can please help me?

Please use that in the opening credits.

To get your 15% off your first pair.

Use this one for the follow-up.

No, no one can help you.

You're helpless.

This is the third one.

There you go.

To get your 50% off your first pair of free shipping and 100% satisfaction guarantee, guarantee, go to meundes.com slash T-E-S-D.

That's meundies.com slash T-E-S-D.

Personal endorsement required.

Everybody at this poker table is wearing me on D's.

Yeah, somebody asked me to prove it the other day at the pinball thing.

Pulled out the waistband.

I was like, here they are.

Really?

I will never wear anything but meundies, mostly because they've sent me probably 50 pairs so far.

I don't die with three pairs a month.

But they really are like way softer than bread.

And the socks are crazy.

The socks are so comfortable.

Like thick.

Yeah.

Love them.

All right.

So I think that's the...

So let's show Meundies that we can read an ad this way and still sell underwear.

And if you're not going to buy them, at least tweet Meundies and

tell them what.

Just be like, hey,

we heard John tell him Steve Dave.

I tell him Steve Dave.

So they know there's at least an awareness.

Robin Hood.

one of my favorite disney movies was robin hood really yeah did you like that one i did well i was a kid yeah

i really loved that one man that the music i thought was spectacular

is this robin hood the um stocks

yeah

i don't think it's the disney movie but uh i don't know why i brought that up but robin hood is an investing app yeah i gotta restock use it yeah you're buying stocks i use it you know what i did what's up you ready for this yeah

I bought,

ready for this?

I bought

worth of weed stock, right?

That's what it's up to now.

Whoa.

That's fucking crazy.

Whoa.

Canadian weed stock.

You can invest in marijuana?

He's fucking, he's getting all kinds of tips.

He's not sharing them with.

No, not tips.

Not tips.

I got Robin Hood.

I opened up.

I told you.

And I was just like looking around.

I saw it.

And my buddy, you know, Dexter, my manager, he was like, oh, you know what?

You could buy Canadian weed stocks.

So I just went all in.

Why don't you sell it?

Because it's still going up, bitch.

It's going to be legal so.

But what happens if it goes if it crashes and you get caught holding the bag, as they say?

Well, yeah, he'll probably be fucking destitute.

See how much it is.

It's a nice chunk of change.

But you gotta, but I use Robinhood, it's my point.

I bought it on

sell high.

I thought it was the deal.

Yeah, but I think, yeah, high, yeah,

420.

No, my point is, like, all I did was go on and transfer the money into the Robinhood thing account.

It takes like a day, and then you just go on and you buy stocks.

It gets rid of all the fucking nonsense.

You don't have to go.

They don't charge you per.

This is how Robinhood makes money.

I don't know if they want us to say this, but like, let's say you put $1,000 in there, right?

They don't charge you trading fees.

They make

basically they're making, what's that?

Not commission,

when the banks.

Yeah, they're making, it's all commission-free, they say.

Yeah, what is it?

When you put your money money in the bank and it grows and grows.

Like interest?

Oh, interest.

So they keep the interest on your money that's in their account and you trade for free

because they have everyone's money and they have it in.

So that's how they're making their money.

Gotcha.

Meanwhile, you could trade and buy.

I mean, I don't.

I think they would want you to hear that because then you're not getting money.

You're not getting dinged.

They're just using your money, which is what the fucking bank does when they take a week to cash your check anyway.

That's all it is.

I'm telling you,

I look at Robin Hood every day.

Yeah, it says while other brokerages charge up to, did I say that right?

Brokerages?

Brokerages.

Charge up to $10 for every trade, Robinhood doesn't charge any commission fees.

So you can trade stocks and keep all your profits.

Plus, there is no account minimum.

Deposit needed to get started.

Plus, there is no account minimum.

Deposit needed to get started.

So you can start investing at any level.

The simple, intuitive design of Robinhood makes investing easy for newcomers and experts alike.

It is, I'm telling you, people, 100% true.

Four taps on your phone and you're ready to roll.

It's so easy it's it's fun to do you could just buy the second updates and shit what do they say about the old pump and dump they got anything about that in there pump and dump let me see i don't see anything that says pump and dump what's that

what is that how i treat all my girlfriends no it's um it's like when uh you artificially inflate the price of a stock and then

once it gets like you buy it low you artificially inflate it when it gets high and then you dump it because it really has almost no value to begin with or at least not as much value as people have to do with the code.

Nothing about that in our ad copy.

No, okay.

Robin Hood is gone.

It must be on the up and over.

Robin Hood is giving listeners of Tellum Steve Dave a free stock like Apple, Ford, or Sprint to help you build your portfolio.

Sign up at foamface.robinhood.com.

Nice.

Foam face.

I don't know.

It says Timmy.

They stole foam face from us?

No, I gave them foam face.

Sign up at foamface.

That's one word.robinhood.com.

That's what it says here.

I doubt you need the dot after the calm.

Well, it says it.

Yeah, all right.

Well, there are boss, so far.

I will say this: it's it's take them up on that.

Get that stock.

Is that addictive, though?

It is addictive.

Now that you've shown that you can be a fucking mover and a shaker in the fucking.

I was conquering Wall Street.

Yeah.

You're fucking the wolf of Wall Street over there.

Yeah.

I mean, with you know, Canadian weed penny stocks, but yeah.

Can you invest if I gave you some money right now?

Could you invest it?

Play with it a little?

Sure.

All right.

How much do you need to get started?

Jeez, I don't know.

How much can I give you, like 10 bucks?

You can't buy shit with 10 bucks.

Give him 500.

Oh, I'm not fucking.

Give him 500.

Give him 500 bucks to fucking lose.

All right.

So they're going to give you.

You just saw what he did right there.

I'm not going to put my money in that fucking drug.

What?

I'm not fucking going to get it.

I'm not going to be responsible for fucking some OD for you.

Okay, here's

cement heads fucking

oh my god this fucking guy first off

you have uh mutual funds I'm assuming in your retirement portfolio those mutual funds probably invest in shit like this without you

yeah

I have bullshit I know you're lying whatever you're saying right now you're lying I told him he's not allowed to invest my money I asked to go oh it's all interest that's what I want right and he's like oh yeah we have just a thing for you and that was

what

I don't know you tell me

it's not cement head fucking incorporated in a sense.

No, what did he invest in that?

No, you can't just be like, I want to earn interest.

Like, that's not where it ends, that conversation.

Well, if you just put it in the bank, it'll just earn interest.

Right, but you have mutual funds or a retirement fund through these guys, tax-free municipal bonds.

That's the way to go, bro.

All right.

But I'm sure whatever.

How much it kind of gave you 20.

And by him, it's like

20 bucks into something?

No, but I'll tell you this: Apple stocks right now are $182.

So if they're giving you a free one just for signing up and tomorrow could be worth more than that right it'd be fucking worth way more than that it's apple so you can get get sign up get that stock and then flip it tomorrow absolutely and make like ten bucks absolutely with no commissions that's fucking that's addictive though me and mosa used to do it when we worked up at the office up there yeah win some lose some

i don't want to ever lose any though money's too hard to make yeah that's that's my problem though i don't want to lose it if i'm going to lose that's so uncommon usually people go in being like oh i hope i lose my money.

What the fuck?

But I'm just saying, that's why I don't like gambling, though.

Right.

That's a gamble, though.

Of course it is.

And then you got the guilt, you know, if, like, if you invested in a company that's like, you know, that maybe built war machines, you know,

or, you know, they're into like building weapons or like this, or like, you know, poisoning the youth.

Well, I'm still waiting for you to find something that I wouldn't invest in.

Call me a fucking cement.

I'm fine with it.

Whatever.

It's dirty money.

I see that spike in his portfolio.

Cement me up.

You only consider that blood money?

No.

No.

Not at all.

It's legal.

Is like Budweiser?

Blood money?

What are you talking about?

Fucking broken heart, broken homes, and broken people.

It's not money.

It's fucking meth.

It's not mess stocks.

Penny mess stocks.

All right.

It's going to be legal soon.

If you can could sleep at night, that's all that matters, Q.

I'll Matt Casper.

I could sleep very well at night.

Oh, my God.

Have you ever thought about it, though?

Yeah, I hope there's enough netheads out there to fucking make me rich.

I'll profit off their misery.

Meanwhile, the fucking Purdue is like nearly going bankrupt.

You're worried about weed stocks.

What Purdue?

Purdue.

They made Oxy, the people who made Oxy.

Yeah, look at Frank Purdue's like, I lost it all.

I'm not a tough man anymore.

Have you really, ever, really sat down and thought about it?

I feel the ratings from Impractical Jogers will fly through the fucking roof once weed is legalized in this country.

Like, I feel people will just lean back, smoke up.

It makes it, it makes a nearly intolerable show.

Tolerable.

No, but

it's coming to New Jersey, they say.

That's all.

Legalization.

Yeah.

You don't ever think about what that will

make our society look like in 25 years?

I don't care what people do with 25 years.

I'm not going to be alive.

What do I give a fuck?

I'll be around.

Sure, you will.

I'm just wondering,

what will 25 years of people

in a constant state

of.

I'm excited to find out.

Cement heads.

Cement heads.

Yeah, exactly.

Constantly, they got their cement heads.

What will that look like 20 years from now if that's legal, though?

The people who don't do it will be the overlords.

So you're in a good overlord.

You'll be an overlord.

I like that.

If your wife lets you,

I like the sound of that.

I didn't think about that aspect of it.

All you got to do is fucking.

Why will I be an overlord, though?

I'll be 75 years old, though.

Yeah, but you're thinking clear.

Yeah, but they won't want to listen to me.

I'll look old and fucking

listening.

They'll listen to anybody until today.

I don't think anyone looks at us and is like, all right, maybe these young go-getters here in charge of things.

I don't look like I'm fucking seventy-five, though.

No, but it doesn't matter, man.

When what they're just going to be wanting to be told with the judgment is going to be like, hey, old man,

what what are they going to ask me?

When are they going to come to me?

What am I doing in your house?

How am I going to take advantage of him, though?

I don't know.

I don't know.

How am I going to overlord him?

He's fucking invested in the cement head fucking drug.

He's just trying to justify his fucking blood money, I think.

Yeah, well, I mean...

He's trying to tell me that I'm going to be a fucking overlord

if I let this go down.

Yeah, just,

you know, be like a German citizen, circa

42 to 48.

Look the other way.

Let him bring that weed in on the train.

I mean, all kidding aside, you don't think about that.

I don't, no, why do I care?

He's too busy smoking weed.

I mean, it's not like

forgets.

Oh, I'm fucking wish.

You could be a a purveyor.

Stop making jokes for a second.

I know that.

It's not a cigarette.

Turn it off for a second.

I know it's hard to.

Tell me when it's time.

You're talking eight years of pure practical joking.

And it's hard to shut that off.

Is there a switch you could just turn it off?

It used to be second nature.

That's just my nature.

That switch hasn't been thrown in a long time.

Let's throw it right now.

Let's just shuck them down.

Let's just get it out of your system.

All right.

All right.

Am I talking to the real cue now?

Hey, guys.

Yeah.

Hey, what's up?

What's going on?

In all honesty,

think about 25 years,

a generation

of people raising

cement hats.

Well, I don't want to say cement hits because that's derogatory.

I could get kicked off the Royal Family's website for saying that.

But just where

it's that easy.

Hey, Megan.

Heard you're cemented.

There's two palace guards at our door.

Why is that beefy to take?

I thought I was going to be an overlord.

That motherfucker was lying.

But you don't think about what the repercussions will be for a society that just this becomes their new like content?

I honestly don't care.

I know you don't care, but you don't think it's going to be different?

No, I don't think so.

You don't think so.

I think everybody that's doing it's doing it anyway.

If you're going to smoke weed, you're going to smoke weed, regardless of the legality.

So all this does is allow the government to do it.

We'll admit more consumption of it, though, because it's easier to get with less stigma.

Probably.

So

if everybody's doing it, though, because it's going to be normalized.

Never.

I want that on my tombstone.

Never.

Never.

It's the best epitaph I've ever heard in my entire life.

With a graven image of him just scowling.

Never.

Period.

Whenever I was feeling down about whatever disease I have, I'd go to your grave to be like, oh yeah.

Fat lot of good at Digi.

Fucking cement head out, lived your ass.

We'll see.

Probably not.

Probably not.

You know what I like to disagree with you, Brian?

But anyway, but

I'm not even here to say it's going to be bad or it's going to be like, oh my God, we made a horrible mistake in legalizing this.

I don't know.

But it could.

And what about that?

They say when it's the gateway to the fucking harder shit.

I think that's been proven untrue.

But I also think that most people don't smoke weed all day.

I think most people like weekends.

Just weekend warriors?

I think so.

I don't, I don't.

Or maybe at night to cool out, like some people have a glass of wine or whatever.

Yeah, I don't think it's.

I mean, look, just based on the people I've worked with for the past eight years who are fucking almost all of our potheads they don't do to work

at work yeah

all right so I think it'll be all right and it might you know what it might do

is demystify it too for kids

you know it could and I know that there's the aspect of it that it helps people who are sick yeah I want to take it away from them I'm not some kind of fucking

overlord what a magnanimous individual who has no fucking should have no say in what someone else does to cure their pain

I'm not going to be an actor.

No, I'm going to allow it.

Are you a doctor?

Why are you in my room?

I want to make a t-shirt, and then she says, Walt Flanagan, period.

Never.

Period.

Oh, I want that shirt.

But

never.

What's he talking about?

Almost everything?

Yeah, pretty much everything.

It was kind of a blanket statement.

It was more of a mission statement than anything else.

Fuck Credo, if you will.

I don't even know if it's going to, like, I don't know if it's going to be, if society is going to be worse or better or the same.

But you don't worry about those things?

I do not worry about those.

As a responsible person and citizen, you don't want to think about, like, don't you want to leave

this world, this country in a better place for the people who follow you?

I do not know children.

I got no kids.

All I want is to walk down a fucking street in Manhattan without piss and shit everywhere and garbage and fucking smell.

The weed smell is nothing compared to the piss smell.

Weed smells nothing.

Nothing at all.

I mean, it's out there.

The whole city smells like weed.

What about for Sage and your nieces and nephews?

Don't you want

a place where it's not that easy to just tune out?

Can I answer that?

Tuning out should be a little bit harder to come by because I think if everybody's tuning out, who's left to tune in?

Can I just answer for Sage if I don't care about the other two?

No, I don't think that people are going to, like, it's not like people are smoking themselves into a stupor.

It's like if people are just vaping, walking down the street, whatever, it's like a, it's like a, like a, like an alcohol thing.

Like, I think alcohol is probably way worse for you.

You're telling me they can do it in public?

Oh, yeah.

I mean, if it's legalized.

It's not, I thought it was going to be like, like an alcoholic drink.

You can't do it in public.

You got to, like, I don't want to walk down the street.

In LA, it's anything.

I think it's just like cigarettes.

Really?

Yeah, people smoking cigarettes and shit.

A lot of people vape these days.

What are you going to do?

They don't outlaw cigarettes and walking down the street, right?

But what if I get high from a contact high?

I don't think you can, right?

Not me.

I mean,

I know.

I mean, I'm talking about borders.

I thought that was the discussion here.

It's like spice for your lungs.

Yeah, I think it would.

So you're saying the contact high is a myth?

I think so.

It has to be.

Did you ever get a contact high standard on Kevin?

Second-hand smoke's a myth?

No, second-hand smoke is.

Right, but.

So if secondhand smoke is

not good for you,

then it by the way.

Well, I don't think second-hand wheat smoke.

Yeah, I don't think it's good for you.

No, second-hand weed smoke can get you high, then.

I think it can, right?

I don't know.

I mean, walking down the street, like

somebody puffs some in his face, suddenly he's like, oh my God, I'm a cement head.

Tripping balls and shit.

Runs into the middle of the street.

Why have I been wearing underwear all these years?

Oh, I don't know.

Yeah, I would worry about other stuff.

But there's countries like Sweden that

legalized all drugs, right?

Don't they have heroin?

No, they did not.

Heroins.

Don't they have multiple heroin, like heroins, I guess, that they use?

Doesn't allow intravenous drug use to be legal.

I don't think so.

I think you're wrong.

Sweden?

Sweden?

One of those countries, Europe.

A European country has allowed.

Are you talking about like Amsterdam?

Yeah, I think so.

Holland?

No, I don't know.

Holland.

That's what I'm talking about.

I don't think so.

Now, if you do the study of what's happened in their generation, I'd be very curious to see

the effects of allowing anything to fucking be up for

grabs.

Right.

I mean,

I don't think so.

I don't like there's some places like the same here, like Vancouver, I guess, they'll give you, because mostly what they want to do with this shit is like, just not spread disease because people share needles and crap.

But heroin's like a fucking, I mean, you can't fucking talk about heroin and weed in the same sort of thing.

Why can't we?

Because

they're completely different.

I hear it says all the time.

I always hear that.

Yo, you can't compare that.

Why not?

Why can't I compare it?

Because they're fucking completely different drugs that do completely different things.

one isn't addictive one is addictive oh that's not a dog that's a german shepherd but that chihuahua that they're two different it's it's not they're not no no no yucks yeah because some dogs have a fucking very uh like uh mild personality and some dogs are fucking all hyped up chihuahuas could be fucking mean and nasty i didn't say they couldn't i didn't say small versus big i said two different breeds and you're talking about drugs these are two different breeds of drugs Whereas what

they're still drugs, but so what?

So is fucking aspirin.

That's like saying you should not have aspirin.

I know you're saying not to.

I try not to.

I know.

I know you're saying this.

Sometimes I fail, though.

And sometimes I got a bad headache.

And sometimes I do take aspirin.

Right.

You go to a meeting.

Hey, hey, hey, Bill W here.

I

had a little touch of a headache and I got weak.

All right.

I mean, I mean.

I think it's healthy to have this conversation, though.

I don't think it's just

we should just, like, say, legalize it like that and be like, okay.

I don't think we have

is it legal in new york yet no it's decriminalized but it's not legal what does that mean then it means that like everything else in new york city these days you can do it and the cops will look the other way

So what does that mean though then?

Exactly that.

Decriminalizing.

So you may get a ticket, but cops have been instructed not, unless someone's being like a fucking super obnoxious dick about it, to just not bother people who are smoking weed.

Or shitting in the street.

Or pissing in the street.

Or fucking throwing garbage in the street.

Or coming up to the car when you're at a red light and fucking coming out with that newspaper and being like, want me to clean your window for $5.

Like, all that shit's back.

No, I went back.

It's all back.

But what if you get pulled over for a speed-in ticket and you have a joint on you?

What's the protocol there, you think?

Well, you have to give him a reading the search.

You're just smoking and drinking.

No, no, no, no.

You just had it in the ashtray and you weren't smoking.

He's kind of behind his ears like, yo, what's up, copper?

What time is it?

4:20?

How fast was I going?

4.20?

I don't know.

Could he look the other way?

He probably would.

Well, if he thinks you're driving high, there's no way he would.

But what if he just smelled it in a car, but you can't find a joint?

You'd get arrested, I think.

You can get arrested.

I think that's it.

So it's not decriminalized.

Then it's not decriminalized.

I think it's decriminalized for standing on a fucking street corner.

Yeah, it's the same as drinking.

You can't drive around with an open container and drink beer, even though it's illegal anywhere to be like at a restaurant.

I don't think it'll ever be legal to weed and to smoke and drive.

No, it shouldn't be.

No, of course not.

But how could you take a test of it, though?

There is.

They're developing it.

I read something about it, right?

Like, yeah.

Until it's developed and foolproof, should we just be like, put the brakes on this?

But the people who are going to do that are getting it anyway.

Hey, oh.

But, right, but like, if you, if we don't have a way to test foolproof positive that you're driving as a cement head, then you should not illegalize it then because we won't be able to tell if they were fucking high when they got into a crack of.

I agree.

Tell them, Steve Day.

That's all I want to hear.

You're right.

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