#401: After the Glory...

I'm in right now.

I'm in right now.

Are you on a funny cigarette right now?

Do you got a funny cigarette?

He's such a bad boy.

Would you like this?

Are you ready for this jelly?

Call me fuck Mr.

Jelly Cuck.

Tell him, Steve Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

Hot off the success and accolades of episode 400 and 400.1.

People liked it, boys.

Our efforts weren't for naught.

Appreciated.

Appreciated, yeah.

I think I saw Nary a

negative comment.

Nary.

Nope, not one.

Let's see how long the goodwill can last.

Right.

Will it extend to 401?

That's what you're saying.

I sincerely doubt it, but we can always hope that,

we've built up some goodwill after releasing almost

eight hours of

celebratory

content for episode 400.

Yeah, masturbatory podcasting.

Did you guys talk about Tom Brady while I was gone?

About his sixth Super Bowl win?

Yeah.

We talked about it on a puck nuts.

I don't know why, but getting a lot of backlash that I talk about Tom Brady too much for some reason.

I wonder why that would be.

It seems like nobody wants to hear about it anymore.

Yeah, people seem to be like, all right, Walt, he's the GOAT.

We get it.

We don't want to hear it anymore.

There's some big news, though, in Tom Brady's world, though, today, Q.

I don't know if you heard breaking news.

This is like one of those situations where, like,

Q's big time.

Q?

Yeah.

So if I do something being associated with Q, it could have a ripple effect and hurt Q.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm not sure, though, that that's a good

parallel.

Oh, you're saying that he's not Tom Brady.

He's not the goat of impractical joking, is what you're saying.

No, I'm saying that you would not be as important as Bob Kraft in this equation.

I am.

I'm a part owner until I'm Steve Dave.

All right.

It would affect me.

Okay, a third.

A third is much better.

The man owns a $4 billion franchise.

He got caught in soliciting prostitution.

He was paid for a sex act in an illegal massage parlor.

He's 77.

People care?

Oh, yeah, because it was a sex slave deal going on.

Well, the massage parlor had a ring of girls at the...

Robin Tug?

Yeah.

I don't know.

They say they have it on video.

How did they catch him?

How'd they catch him?

It was a sting.

And they have a whole bunch of people that got caught, and he was just one of them.

And we're talking about a massage parlor

that looks like any strip mall in any part of the country.

It looks like like a suntanning place or whatever.

So, why a man who has a $4 billion franchise?

What's that?

He used to go in those places

for Robin Tucks?

Oh, okay.

And they all looked like

it was just in a strip mall.

It was weird.

So, a man who has that much money, though, like, why go to such a kind of low-rent.

Well, that's what the police chief says.

He was shocked to learn that Kraft, who was worth $6 billion, was allegedly

paying for sex inside a strip mall massage parlor.

That's where it is.

You like what you like.

I don't give a fuck if you have $6 or $6 billion.

If your thing is to go to a rub and talk, he has the money.

He knows he could get one of these girls to come to his house, but he likes that.

He likes going to this place.

He likes the like just how sketchy it may be.

I'm sorry.

I'm confused.

There was a sting.

There was video in the place?

Well, there was a police thing.

They were cracking down on all the

that yeah that's you got me now yeah i don't think you were on before

now you're good made my made my cast in it yeah i don't know now you sound okay all right but go ahead so

wait

so they it was a stink it was a stink he had video in there they were yeah they videotaped people well let me ask you something what if he what if he had just gone in and gotten a massage and left

Like

that's not against the law.

Right, but how's that fare?

I mean, how's that fair?

Well, I I don't want my massages taped.

Like, what if I was just one customer getting a massage?

Well, they wouldn't have charged you anything, though.

And you wouldn't, and your video probably would have been destroyed.

His wife or girlfriend, significant other, whatever, he may not want them to know he's even getting a massage.

Really?

Is that something that you wouldn't want anybody to know you're getting a massage?

No, that's not it.

People thinking I'm tense.

I'm a cool cucumber

joker.

Yeah, it just seems like, wow.

I mean, they got to do it.

I guess it's a sex ring, huh?

Well,

yeah.

owner.

I mean, Robert Kraft is not

fucking human trap.

No, no.

Not the place that, you know.

But there's a lot of people calling for him to be penalized, maybe even possibly have to sell the team.

Why?

Because

God, you're

puritanical douchebags.

Because the NFL has standards of behavior that you have to adhere to if you're the owner, just like if you're a player.

Right.

There is.

With the shit these players do half the time that are not penalized or not kicked off.

In the past, they may not have been penalized, but now they are.

The NFL is cracking down hard now, a lot harder than they have been, because of the backlash of not penalizing these players.

The person who wants him ousted, I say, fuck you.

Your morality is subjective.

It doesn't affect me.

It shouldn't affect him.

If his morality says, like, hey, I want to go get jerked off at a fucking rubbing talk.

How do we know?

What if it's more than that?

Oh, it's against the law.

Is it against the law?

But then tomorrow.

What if it's more than a hand job, though?

I don't know.

Anything short of killing the girl,

charging him for.

I don't know, though, if she's there against her will, I mean, that's different.

He doesn't know that.

Right.

He thinks it's on the up and up.

That's legit.

Right.

But

is it worse for him if it's more than if it's just he actually engaged in

pegged?

No, I don't think so.

It's not worse.

I think the headline says he was visiting prostitutes no matter what.

I think if he bangs somebody, it's less creepy than like an 80-year-old guy got a hand job.

They say there's a bigger name involved, too.

And they haven't revealed who that name is yet.

If it's Tom Brady, I know it's Tom Brady.

Oh, we know it.

Come on, man.

Why you got to do that?

Why you got to do that?

I mean, I'm still basking in the glow of six Super Bowl wins, and now you got to bring up these what-if scenarios.

It's probably the other guy, this bronzed what's his name?

Broncow.

No, I see.

69 guy?

He's probably 69 in.

My first thought when they said there's a bigger name there, I did not think a player, though.

I thought possibly Belishak,

the coach.

I saw your,

the glazed overlook.

We just did Buckner.

But I'm like,

that's something people should be like, well, that's fucking weird.

An old guy wanting to get a hand job or whatever.

Belashek's an old dude, too, though.

Right.

But like, it's different if it's like, oh, Brian went to a rubbin' tug and got busted.

Or like, hey, Brian Walt were at a rubband tug and got.

No, no, no, no.

Spend a year with it.

Well, it's not like they were in in the room together.

They're not even going together.

Like, hey, you want to go get hand drops?

Like, it just seems weird.

No.

Does that give massage parlors a bad name?

I don't think that incidentally.

No,

I don't think so.

No, you don't think that for the language.

I think a legit massage parlor is understood.

That's what it is.

But these look like legit from the outside.

They did from the outside.

I saw footage of the actual place that Kraft was in.

And to me, it looks just like something you would see in a Kohl's Plaza or a Target Plaza.

What is about any of it?

Why do people care at all?

Well, because they were brought in from China and they're forced that out of it.

Forced it.

Well, you have to cut it out.

Take that out of it because.

Yeah, because that's obvious.

Oh, you don't mean cut it out.

You mean take it out?

No, no, you got to take that out of the equation because

he didn't, like Brian said, he didn't go there being like, I'm exploiting

sex slaves.

Willful ignorance?

Well,

I guess the question is, are there rubbing tugs that are not run only by sex slaves?

I don't know.

I don't know.

If the answer is no, then yeah, and then he shouldn't.

There's no way to know, but they could be like, well, you're doing something illegal.

Being ignorant of the law is not an excuse.

Sure.

Blah, blah, blah.

We're going to bust a 77-year-old man's bulls face.

I think what people really care about is

he's rich.

He's big fish.

His team just won.

Yeah.

He's big fish.

Well, we can't take Brady down because you know Brady's not the other name.

This is the next best thing.

From your lips to God's ears, that's true.

Come, if it's Brady, I don't know what I'm going to do.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

Turn the sex leave off.

I mean, I don't know.

The coach will be able to do what he wants.

I mean, I will be in some deep, dark depression if it's Brady, but I don't know what will pull me out of it.

Maybe a seventh Super Bowl win.

I got a text from Father Lance.

He was like, you can't root for the Patriots anymore.

So that's all he writes.

And I'm just like, correct me if I'm wrong, Father Lance, but didn't Ben Roethlisberger have some pretty, pretty harsh allegations thrown against him?

I think my response would be like, bro, you can't root for the Catholic Church anymore.

I mean, come on.

Yeah, I mean, come on.

Yeah, let's stop throwing stones.

You can't hit.

Your glass house might get broken.

Just legalize it already.

Something like that.

He's a billionaire.

He's billions.

Oh, yeah.

He's a $6 billion franchise.

Why is he

a weird thing?

That is the weird thing.

It's a fetish type thing.

Yeah, but build a fucking massage paula in your basement and pay, fucking overpay for fucking hot young girls to go there and jerk it off.

Yeah,

you've got too much to lose, so you do have to weigh that against.

Oh, it's a gilded cage.

You can't have any fun.

Well, my question is...

You don't get hand chops anymore.

What do you think of my arms in this cast?

I've been jerking off so much I can't get a goddamn hand chopped.

You better want all these people that come come over and storage containers.

Now, you guys said, though, it doesn't reflect badly on massage parlors.

But I guess I want to ask you about people, though, who aren't in the massage parlor game.

They don't actually frequent them.

They don't know anything about it.

Other than when they hear these stories.

So let's say you're a dude, you're a married guy, and you want to go get a massage.

Now does, now does there,

if the wife is like, well, I don't want you going to a massage parlor because this stuff is going on.

Well, I think that there's ones that are like,

you know what I mean?

That's clearly not a rubbing tug.

How do you know, though?

How do you know what's going on?

It's going to be 20 bucks.

You're going to skirt all that by being like, just have my dinner ready when I get home.

And then you leave.

You go do whatever you're going to do because you're a fucking man.

But isn't it

steak?

I think I've mentioned this on maybe on TSD though, but isn't it weird that like you can have pay someone to rub you right here?

Yeah.

Like rub it out, get all the kinks out of it, but just an inch higher, and it's against the law to rub there.

It's just weird, right?

Because it's religious shit, because it's puritanical.

Like, to feel good, you have to feel bad.

That's all based in religion, and that's the way it goes.

And that's where all these laws come from.

Let's say you didn't have, you weren't aroused while it happened, and you were getting that area rubbed down.

If you're not aroused, does it not count then as a sex act?

Legally?

Yeah.

With your wife?

No, no.

You're at the massage parlor and you're like, I pulled a groin

and also my shaft is hurting.

My shaft is dumb.

Officer.

No, no, not the officer.

You're telling this to the masseuse.

You want a shaft?

And

you don't have to go through this whole thing.

No, no, no.

She rubs it out, but you don't ever get aroused, though.

Right.

That I would imagine is not really a sex act then, right?

Well, then, I guess I didn't fuck Susan for two years.

Low teeth.

Oh, you're a fucking flaccid?

Oh, yeah.

I just like soft.

Yeah.

I would just like

to lose her in.

Ah, she loved.

She made her so horny.

From there, you know.

Hold on, Charlie, guys.

How does that work, though?

How does that like how much?

Do you like this?

Are you ready for this jelly?

Call me fucking Mr.

Jelly Cuck coming at you.

Oh, so it never happened even once?

No.

No?

Okay.

All right.

Just shoving your balls in there.

Yeah, like the whole package.

Does it feel good for you?

You like this?

Look at my eyes.

You like this?

I just...

It doesn't affect my, because that's what I would assume those types of places were like anyway.

So I wouldn't be like, holy shit, this is is what's going on in the underbelly of fucking Oh, so you're arson, then you're admitting you assume that that's going on at all, Massage.

Almost almost.

Sorry, this may sound racist, but if it's all Asian ladies, yeah, that's kind of what I assume.

Really?

Yeah, we're constantly going to nail salons for blowjobs and they're printing me down.

I wouldn't make that assumption, though.

I mean, I go into the mall.

But that's like a...

But that's like a glass,

like you can see, everybody can see.

No, but you can go behind the curtain.

Who knows what

goes on behind that curtain?

My chef just killed me, bro.

Bro.

It was a guy.

What you talking about?

Oh, man.

It's just one of those things where it's like the wife has to be like, oh, for he's married, right?

Yeah, I think he's married to a much younger

woman than,

you know, I think his first wife died and he married another lady who's a bit younger than he is.

She ain't going nowhere.

No, well, she can walk out now with Justify taking

a couple bill, but her turn.

Well, that's understood.

You think that he's like, hey, you're going to be fucking loyal to me, right?

I mean, you're 40 years younger than I am,

but I need to mash this cock somewhere.

This sounds like a conversation that you might be familiar with.

He was talking to me.

Did Did you watch the Super Bowl Cube?

I did.

I did watch Super Bowl.

What did you think?

There's a lot of the criticism.

I agreed with everybody.

I liked it.

I liked it too.

Yeah, I was into it.

I was like, God, this is cool.

Because you really didn't know when the

commentators are saying that Brady's off his game and that he hasn't been performing well in the first half.

To me,

that gets me excited because I'm like, whoa, anything could happen.

And then for it to be him to win anyway, it's great.

Yeah, it was interesting.

I can understand understand why some people are like, well, it was boring or it's this or that.

But two weeks earlier, he had two very high-scoring profile games.

So if you're into football, I'm not sure why you need to have a 45 to 40 score every weekend.

It's a Super Bowl.

Hey, entertain me.

You guys just got back from the cruise, right?

We did.

Yeah.

How'd that go?

I had fun.

Yeah, it was a good time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The Space Monkey show was one of the best live shows I've ever been a part of ever.

Really?

It was, he nailed it.

Who's he?

Johnson.

Oh, okay.

He put together a show.

Surely you're not talking about him.

Well, I thought he would say Brian nailed it, not he.

No, no, he nailed it.

He put together an unbelievable show

that

just everybody on the cruise was like, that was the best show on the cruise.

Was it recorded that other people can hear it?

It was recorded, yeah.

It was recorded, yeah.

Six Man Has the Files or Space Months.

Yeah, so we're gonna, so we're gonna gonna be able to hear that on a future Space Monkeys, maybe?

I believe so.

Yeah, that's great.

The greatest live show you've ever been involved with.

It was.

It was all four Impractical Jokers, the first time ever on a Telese Dave Space Monkeys thing.

We got Murray on board

and a bunch of comedians, a whole host of them, like famous comedians.

Bob Kelly, Joe DeRosa.

That was the second night.

The first night we had, I mean, also Adam was on the second.

Adam Green was on again.

First night we had Jiggy on there.

It was great.

Joey Fatone was on there.

It brought the house down.

It was great.

Nice.

And then Brian taught yoga for an hour to make up for the half hour that he owed me last year.

Oh, okay.

You're not really into yoga, are you?

Or have you been doing some yoga on the side?

No, I didn't know until

he told me on the cruise, right?

Yeah, he told me on the cruise.

So I didn't have a lot of time to limber up.

So I recruited a few

hundred and like so many people showed up.

Oh, really?

Yeah, it was crazy.

I've actually looked into it.

I wanted to join a yoga club because I've heard that it's good for you as you get older to get these limbs.

Dude, you've got to develop four-color demons yoga.

Oh, I don't want to do it with, I mean,

I don't want to do it in the privacy of yoga.

If you did like tapes for home,

it would be great.

There's no reason not to.

There's plenty of reasons not to.

More than reasons, bro.

But yeah, I was looking into it.

I actually called the place and

I got scared off because

I don't really know anything about it.

And I don't know if they try to teach any kind of like

mystical ways with how you think and shit and all that mumbo jumbo.

Yeah, I'm not into that.

I just don't want to be 90 and and like stiff as a fucking board.

I don't need your fucking bullshit fucking Middle Eastern or Middle Eastern Eastern philosophies.

So, what's the alternative then if you're going to limber up?

I've had Giddam.

He'd like to stretch me out a little.

I'm going to some fucking chick massage parlors.

Now, Giddam, do you wear those

only for the store?

Yeah.

I thought that your shoes were covered in slush.

Are they still wet right now?

They're still a little wet, yeah.

You've only got one pair of shoes, huh?

Yeah.

One pair of work shoes.

What Q is referring to is he walked in today, and Giddam walked over wearing what only could be described as the size of Krusty the Clown clown shoes, slippers that are werewolf feet.

With a biggest smile on his face.

Yeah, looking for that reaction, and then Q couldn't Q couldn't like.

Give me the approval.

I don't get here at work.

You had to ask him, No, what's with the slippers, right?

Well, you couldn't ignore it.

It was a curiosity.

He wasn't going to allow it.

And I maintain that it was the new version of the LED hat, that like it's something that he's wearing to get people to be like, what's with the slippers?

But how often has he worn those so far?

I don't even know.

Maybe a couple times.

I don't notice it.

I don't even see them anymore, so you can wear them every day.

Two, three times a week I wear them.

Do you?

Yeah.

Because your shoes are constantly wet?

They get a little sweaty.

So

when your feet get sweaty, you need to take your shoes off?

Yeah, let them breathe.

Pussies across the land just puckered up at the mention of his sweaty feet.

But those look very warm.

No,

they're not that warm.

I mean,

they're not hot.

What should I say?

What makes you get them, though, in the first place?

Like, why did you get them?

Because Mike had a problem with me taking my shoes off and just walking around in my socks.

Right, but Walt and I were talking that like...

I have a pair of slippers.

It's just like, it looks like my dad's slippers when I was young.

Just regular old slippers.

Crocs.

And I have a set of those for around the house or when I have to go run out to the barn real quick.

Where nobody's seeing you.

Exactly.

Exactly.

The horses aren't asking them.

Hey, move, get a look with those slippers.

It wouldn't make sense to wear something like that out into the barn because then it would be covered in horseshit and stuff.

Outside.

So

they're inside-only slippers.

And it was because Mike had because Mike had a problem with my bare feet or me wearing slippers.

I'm not asking why you use a pair of slippers for horseshoe.

You're not addressing the question.

Why do you feel the need to buy novelty slippers?

Don't make a statement.

Yeah, is it because you're just, I mean, deep down subconsciously, or you know, subconsciously, that you just need

to have someone like just talk about it.

No, I went to Walmart.

I saw them.

I said, oh, they look cool.

Yeah, they look warm.

You know,

not too warm.

And they fit.

So I bought them.

But he just walks over wearing them with the fucking...

What's the

fucking one side of his lips is touching the ear, basically.

The fucking grid is so large as if it's the greatest thing on earth like you said the space monkey show is the greatest show on earth well get him would uh have a little take take a little umbrage with that because him wearing no slippers is actually a pretty good show

do you think maybe next cruise which has already been announced yeah really already get him in his slipper it was announced like before we left i had to because you kept spiking okay now i sound a little low yeah but you'll be okay because so it doesn't spike but you'll be okay okay i saw they're having they're having a golden girlfriend cruise

i I saw that too.

It looked like something that's like, I don't know.

I mean,

the room's really cheap, so I imagine it's not going to be popular.

And the stuff was like, Dorothy's bingo.

It's like, well, you just call it Dorothy's Bingo.

Yeah, it's a bingo.

Yeah.

It's not like the Arthur would be there.

I sincerely doubt what's her name, Betty White, will be on.

Can you see her?

Oh, there it is.

No, she's in her 90s.

No way.

So she's the only surviving Golden Girl, right?

So she's the only one that could appear.

Yeah.

Maybe she makes a video.

She'll probably make a video.

Yeah, that's tough to do that cruise with absolutely

nobody on the cruise connected to the actual show, though.

It'd have to be really special.

Like, they'd have to really put thought into how to make it a good, like a recreation of the fucking

set or something like that.

The boat's one of those, the cruise too, is one of those times where, like, I'm not, I don't socialize a ton.

But on that cruise, there's so many people that are into the pot and all that other shit.

You know, like a group of ladies, they get, like, I'll show you the picture, like, Barons Broad, like, make special matching shirts for it and shit.

Really?

Yeah.

It's

pretty good.

Pretty good design.

I got to say, maybe Patron worthy.

You know, maybe we don't sue.

They give us the file at Baron's Broad.

They give us the file for Baron's Broad's art.

And we have to do that.

Copyright

selling.

As if we have any fucking room to fucking complain about someone taking our stuff.

The worst culprits on the planet.

The foundation of our house.

Yeah, the cruise was good.

I mean,

I did notice less four-color demon shirts than I normally see.

So I'm wondering if that's Brian's fault.

I heard he's pissing off fans left and right.

Is this?

Oh, yeah, somebody's quit the fold.

Yeah,

could you be?

I sent out

I sent out

on Patreon.

I sent out an email to one person, and mistakenly, I sent it to 800 people.

And it was about somebody inquiring about if their credit card had gone through.

And I wrote back, no, your credit card was declined.

And I sent that out to 800 people.

So I had to go into like, you know.

Is this the number?

And so a whole bunch of people were like, I was being hit with a flurry of messages being like, like, what are you talking about?

Is this a scam?

And I was like, no, no, no, I made a mistake.

And

what's her name?

Real name?

Julie?

Julie.

She wrote back that she's not a member anymore and that she hasn't been.

She doesn't listen to TSD anymore.

Even for free.

Even the free episode, which kind of bummed me out.

And

Mike did a little investigation, and he thinks that it's because you

care about those.

You don't live up to what you obligate.

From the last cruise, right?

From the prior cruise, she had promised me about.

Do you know how hardcore she is for you to drive her away?

I know.

That's crazy.

That's a pull request.

Because she said she's like, I'm going to make buttons.

And then she didn't give people the buttons.

And then I kept hearing about it.

I want to hear about it anymore.

So I was like, But how do you got to have a delicate hand?

Dude, I agree with Q on that, though.

You could come at her with a little bit more

honey than vinegar.

Yeah.

I mean, she's as hardcore deep fan as you get.

I get it.

I'm thinking maybe she isn't.

Well, you can't expect her to stay around, get smacked across the fucking fucking head i've spanked lots of people they all still hang around because they know they know sometimes who have you

swatted what do they know i gotta keep my pimp hands strong

was she on the cruise she was on the cruise so that shows you right there she's she didn't turn her back on i jq no but she did turn it on uh tell him steve dave which it bothers me out when i when i think about that that cruise isn't cheap you know how many months of patreon she could have paid for

like real jokers don't need that fucking money

Yeah, we do.

Did I mention?

Did I mention I found it?

I only split it three ways, you know.

Wait a minute.

Did I mention, though, that because of how we found out she wasn't listening anymore, it's because she replied, she got the email, even though she's not a member anymore, and she replied that she's not a member of Patreon anymore and she doesn't even listen to TSD anymore.

It's hard for me.

I didn't press it because it sounded like she was not happy with TSD, so I didn't even go into any further.

But

if that's the reason,

can you apologize right now?

Can you issue an apology and maybe a little tail between the legs?

Sure.

Give her like a free month of Patreon or something?

$5 level.

Yeah, I apologize that

when she asked, like, hey, can I do the buttons for the cruise?

Careful.

It's starting to veer off the apology

path.

That I am.

It is my my fault.

It's 100% my fault.

This doesn't sound like an apology at all.

I immediately said yes, assuming that as an adult, she would get the buttons made and hand them out and distribute them at the ant meetup instead of saying, oh, well, they're too heavy to carry around and I don't feel like carrying them.

And then once she got back, they didn't send them out to the people who had paid for them already.

I apologize to everyone for having made that decision because in retrospect, I should have just done what I did this year, which was make a patch myself, give it out for free, and make sure that everyone got one.

So you had to learn something, too.

I learned something.

So why you got to hold it against poor Juju B?

No, I thank her for teaching me this valuable lesson to not

put my trust in someone like that.

Oh, no.

Oh, you didn't have that.

You're a monster.

Come back.

You know why?

Yeah, she's all right.

I'm surprised that maybe there's something else going on in her life, right?

I don't know, but how could you have anything in your life take more,

put more importance on it than tell them Steve Dave?

I don't get it personally.

I don't get it.

When I see people, like when they're like, hey, here are the podcasts I listen to and like Follow Friday or whatever, and like I see our name.

But if I see any other podcast on that list,

right?

Oh, of course.

I'm like, fuck these assholes.

So I'm sure somebody will alert Juju Bean.

Twitter.

Juju Bean, is it?

Or Juju Bean?

Juju Bean, girl.

Juju B at BSN, BSNB, the insect buzzing.

Yeah, B, kind of, yeah.

B as in B responsible and

as in B, B, B, be kind and forgive us for our.

All right.

Here's just so everyone knows.

Capital J U, capital J, U, capital B, E, E, capital G, R, R, L.

So someone tell her that she's the.

It's just not the same with that.

We're talking about her on Tell him Steve Davis.

She hasn't listened in a year.

So maybe this will prompt her to come back

and catch the bug again.

Yeah.

We did this once before.

Remember Lucy Mucinese?

First person on the follow us on Twitter.

And she's got a lot of people.

She counted her down.

And now I'm still around.

I talk to her all the time.

I text her frequently.

She's awesome.

Personal number.

That's how, yes.

Really?

Yeah.

So are you willing to say right now, if the TV girl comes back, you will give out your personal phone number?

I will consider it.

Depends on how warmly she comes back.

$100 level.

How about

you can call Q whenever you feel like it.

24-7 access to Brian Quinn.

I love it.

I need to see a commitment from you right now, Q.

You got, you show up that apology, and I'll do it.

I'll work on it for next week.

I'll put it aside, though.

Yeah, I hate to see anybody leave.

Even the free one,

I could see them leave in the Patreon.

Sure, times get tough.

You know, you got to make ends meet.

You don't have enough money.

Pay for cruises.

Yeah.

But the free one.

But if you're cutting the free episode out of your life, that means we're doing fucking something wrong.

Really wrong.

Really wrong.

Especially a sweetheart like that.

Like, that's a, that's a hardcore.

Yeah.

It was shocking.

That's someone like I know personally.

She used to bring me surf taco gift cards and shit.

It shook me when I saw that, man.

I was all off my game for a couple of days after that.

That's a bummer.

That is a bummer.

Was that why you were texting?

You're like, I don't even know if we should do it anymore.

We were like, what's the why?

And we didn't hear from her for like 40 minutes.

Yeah, that was it.

Yeah, I was just like, I don't know

if

this is what it's coming to, like, we're driving people away, then I don't know if I want to be involved anymore.

This is what it's coming to.

I'm like, I can't believe it's taken this long.

What else do I have to say?

Oh, man.

So, a lot is hinging on us winning her back.

Yeah.

Well, I think a lot of ants are going to tweet her.

But nicely.

Yeah.

You guys can't be dicks about it.

You know, that's going to happen, Onan.

Yeah,

don't do that.

This is like a good person.

Yeah, and our motive is pure,

and it's driven by, you know, wanting to have

anybody leave the colony.

Yeah.

It's like what, you know, we don't want it.

It's one big family.

And if even one member leaves, you know, it hurts.

Yeah.

God damn it.

All right.

We'll get her back.

Don't worry, boys.

Don't worry.

She didn't even come back for 400.

That's crazy.

She didn't even come back for 400, bro.

The damage you've done.

I know.

It could be irreparable.

I'm going to tell Mary Beth to lock up the guns tonight because I could see in your eyes that you know you made a mistake.

Yeah, I'm like, I let my friends down, let the fans down,

let Juju be your Jujubi girl down, and mostly let myself down.

Sage, I'm about to let you down.

It was nice knowing you

in some hurry.

Yeah.

I think that shows the level of my commitment to getting Juju Bee back.

Let's say you don't kill yourself.

Let's say

it wasn't a fatal blow.

All right, it just blew my jaw off.

Remember that?

Remember that documentary about where

the kid blew his, it was Arch face, basically.

Oh, yeah, his whole face came off.

Yeah, like, so you're podcasting now

on the arch face of Telemetry Day.

Yeah.

I'm like, I didn't mean to kill him.

I meant to blow my face off as

a self-flagellation slash sacrifice to show Juju B how serious I was

and how I went back and deleted the tweet where I was like, can you please send the fucking buttons to people?

Please, so I don't have to hear about this shit anymore.

I don't think we're getting it back.

Yeah.

That's looking dicey.

Because we just can't stop, like, just let it, like, we just can't stop talking about it.

Keeps veering in the wrong direction, man.

Okay.

All right.

Let's change topic.

All right.

All right.

So, Robert Kraft.

Oh, well, we have it talking about

Chicago.

Chicago on March 8th, right?

And 9th.

March 8th and 9th.

Yeah.

It's like two weeks, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

The Stern pinball event.

Yeah, the Pro Circuit Championship.

Second year in a row, I'll be hosting.

Brian Johnson will be coming with.

It was a good time last year.

So much fun.

All people do is hand you drinks.

So much fun.

And last year we did.

It was not great for you, but.

It was like a 10-hour day.

This year they shortened it to like four hours.

This band, we're going to be playing pinball a lot.

Really, Brian and I have no responsibilities at this point aside from.

Just playing pinball with fans and drinking with fans and stuff like that.

They saw what we were good at last year and adjusted.

They were like minimal responsibility.

Yeah.

And I heard, I mean, I'm not positive.

Don't tell me those obnoxious twins will be there.

I saw a poster.

They feel a little slighted that no one's mentioned them being there.

So they made their own poster, evidently.

They have eight by tens they're going to give out for free.

Sign them.

And they're having a raffle.

Really?

Yeah.

They got big plans these guys.

So So, so

when you come in, the pinball twins are going to have a raffle for free.

For free, yeah, it's going to be like first 200.

I think there's 200 raffle tickets.

So, it's like not everyone because I think it's 500 people.

Yeah.

So, I'm looking at, I'll tweet an image of it.

I'm looking at the raffle ticket right now.

You got your third prize says goose.

Second prize says goose and picture.

So, I'm assuming whatever the goose prize is, plus you get a picture with them.

And then first prize, and this is a rarity, Walt.

What's not happening?

No, I'm hearing, is somebody's phone ringing?

I don't think so.

Okay.

Fucking get him pointing at you.

He's like accusing finger of getting them.

No, I hear like a little.

Oh, yeah, probably because it's costume.

Is that it?

I don't know.

I don't hear it anymore.

First prize, Walt?

Yes.

Romantical dinner with rye, umla, eye,

with, you know, the

tasty pinball twin.

So that would be the pinball twin that looks a little bit like you.

A little bit like him, yeah.

That one.

Which one's the more popular of the twins?

I don't think we need to ask that question, do we?

I mean, I thought that was an oxymoron question.

It doesn't, look, substance doesn't matter.

It's all about how it looks.

So if you look good in this world, I don't give a fuck what anybody says with all the woke and the political correctness.

Everything's based on aesthetics.

Kardashians would attest to that, right?

Was that?

The Kardashians would attest to that motto.

They made their living off of it.

Right.

Now it's your turn.

Now it's my turn.

Well, it's the pinball twins.

It's the pinball twins' turn, yeah.

I expect that those guys will become as big as the Kardashians before long.

Give them a chance.

Nobody started out.

Yeah, just a couple of young kids, you know,

just getting into the business.

Yeah, but they'll be there, and all that stuff's true: the raffle and the prizes, and all that shit.

Um, and it's a good time, yeah, it's a really good time, and not that much, like 30 bucks, I think.

30 bucks.

I mean, you guys, I mean, the pinball twins could like graduate from pinball conventions to like opening like these massive clubs that like the Kardashians get like 20 G's to show up for one night.

Every time I go to Atlantic City, I see what's his name, um,

one of the Pauly D Paulie D

from

Jersey Shore and I saw one of the Rob Kardashian is he a DJ I have no one of these Kardashians

Brody Jenner that guy Brody Jenner he's a DJ and I always see I would see him on the the billboards going to Atlantic City if a Brody Jenner

can do it why not

Bry umlot I Bry umlot Y I see no I know why not

the public just has to become aware of the existence

that we There has to be a grassroots campaign to get their image and their

knowledge of them out there.

Everywhere.

Everywhere.

They got to make a viral video or something.

How do people make viral videos these days?

They just post a video.

And they should maybe bite each other's fingers and shit, like Charlie bit my fingers.

What are some other good viral videos?

Like a busted massage barber?

That's not a good viral video.

No.

Something that it's cutesy enough that people are like, oh, look at these guys.

Lip syncing in a car?

Lip syncing.

What's that dance everyone does?

They walk by the car.

The macarena?

The macarena, yeah, that's pretty popular with the kids still.

Is that the nay name?

The nay name?

Maybe, I don't know.

I'm not sure.

You'll figure it out before you get there.

Before March 8th, you'll figure out the popular dance.

Before March 8th, yeah, I'm sure they'll have a viral video in the back pocket.

I was wondering if there's a new challenge.

Like, Sage watches YouTube and there's like, I constantly find socks and all kinds of other shit.

Like she'll, it's like, hey, challenge to cut up your socks.

So she cuts up like five pairs of socks and I can't be watching her constantly.

So she does that or like there's like eating challenges or this or that.

Yeah, you gotta be careful with those.

There's a

cinnamon, right?

Cinnamon, you start choking to death, too much water.

Yeah.

You know, that kind of shit.

But there's a newer one called the 48 Hour Challenge.

And essentially, it's a teenager, and they disappear without a trace for 48 hours to make people think that they've been abducted or whatever.

Oh, I've not heard of this.

Yeah, they leave their cell phone home.

This is

terrible, though.

Your family is going to go into fucking a panic just so you can make a video.

How are you?

How are you capturing their reactions anyway, though?

I don't know.

I'm not sure exactly.

I mean, it might be one of those things that no one's done, but you know,

everybody keeps talking about.

It's just short of funerals, though, isn't it?

It's like, okay, you're not dead, but you're missing, though.

I don't know how to sue because I think it's too close to funerals to let it go.

Who produced it, Simmi?

Simi Gostanowitz?

They probably take like screen caps of the people sending out messages, like looking for them.

Like, you know, please help me.

I haven't seen so-and-so in so many days.

Yeah, but they missed that.

They do that to their own family.

Encourage teens to disappear for up to two days and awards points to every social media mention they receive during that time.

See you in two days, Vault.

Zero?

Shit.

Can we throw out these wolf slippers?

I actually wear my wolf slippers.

Yeah, people have really enjoyed that.

So my question to you is:

if you can imagine it, Alicia

does the 48-hour challenge, then comes back and she's like, Brack superstar.

Ta-ta-ta-ta.

Yeah.

How do you react?

Oh my God.

Who should be mad?

Like, you were in like mad relief type thing where you're like, oh, my God, Agable, you're alive.

Once it sinks in, you would be furious at like, how could you be so irresponsible?

How could you be so uncaring?

How could you just be such a selfish and like immature?

She's like, it's funny.

Talking about it.

It's a challenge, old man.

Because in her, like, in her, not her, but like in whatever kid's mind, like, who does that, like, what's going on in their mind, you're not going to be able to reason with them.

They're going to be like, if you're that person, you're that person.

You're that person.

Yep.

And eventually they'll be like, wow, that is kind of fucked up.

Like, if they have a kid of their own or they can somehow empathize.

And this is going on right now.

I guess so.

They're telling people, you know, to tell their kids, don't do the 48-hour challenge.

Maybe that's what Jujube girl's up to.

Oh, you think?

She's doing a 365-day challenge.

300, I guess.

It's been about, yeah, it's been a little bit over

six months.

I don't know what days that is.

But yeah, yeah.

Juju B, if you're just doing the challenge, you know, you win.

Come home.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was funny.

But now it's just getting, now I'm just getting nervous.

Brian apologized.

That's scared.

In 2015, there was the game of 72, which encouraged teens to hide from their parents for long periods of time and gain points and likes and all that shit.

Points and likes.

Social media mentions.

Back in our day, if a kid went missing, he fucking went missing.

You might see see him again.

And if he did come back,

he's got new boots and a fucking bologna sandwich and a watch and a fucking asshole with a drawstring on it.

He just got fucked.

None of this bullshit.

Nobody liked it.

No.

And there was no thumbs up.

None of that.

I mean, it's...

I mean, but you would have to accept, though, that's just the way it is now.

Likes, and what's the other thing?

Points, they said.

Yeah, that's

social media, man.

Favorites.

Favorites is another.

That's the current commodity right now.

That's worth more than money.

That's worth more than your parents' peace of mind.

Would you not agree, though, that

likes are worth more than cash at this point?

Well, likes lead to cash.

Yeah.

Nobody's going to give you a dollar bill, but they will give you a like, and you could turn that into cash.

Right.

So it's more valuable.

It's pretty valuable.

But if someone were to say to me, like, okay, this video you put up on Instagram, I got 10,000 views.

Do you want those views or do you want $10,000?

That's not a difficult decision.

Yeah, but

do you want, okay, how about do you want 10,000 views or something a little bit more reasonable or realistic?

How about 200 bucks?

200?

I would take the 200 bucks.

Every time I would take the 200 bucks.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, probably.

Because I could just put up a different picture.

Here we're just from a different

200 bucks, man.

Yeah,

we equate real money as being like even $200 as as being more valuable than those 10,000 views, but then we may be wrong now.

Well, unless you're going to follow through and really press on those 10,000 views, you might as well take the 200.

Because

always you got to deliver content.

Don't I know it?

Don't you know it is right?

Did you get the invite that I sent you?

To what?

To the photo gallery thing?

Remember I told you I sent you an invite to something?

Didn't get it.

Really?

No, I swear to God, I didn't get it.

No, he did.

He sent it.

No, no, bullshit.

He didn't get it.

No,

I swear to my mother, my wife, and my daughter's lives, I did not get no invite to anything.

Within seconds of hearing from Joe Gatto, boom, I answered.

Oh, so Joe Gatto sent it to me?

Could be.

Do you have him blocked?

Who sent it?

It came from Gatto's assistant.

I didn't get it.

So for Christmas,

he rented a gallery, and we're doing a photo gallery of mine in his amateur photography works.

Really?

And that's next week.

And I put you on the list of people doing it.

Remember, I told you something a couple of weeks back?

You were on the phone, right?

Yeah.

I said

I built up a lot of goodwill and being able to bow out of things.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This was it.

So it's a minute.

I didn't get that email, though.

I'll make sure you get it so you can click now.

But yeah, that's next Friday.

Next weekend.

Next.

Yeah, it's Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, right?

Friday, saturday sunday well if it's open to the public saturday sunday what's your favorite uh thing to take a photo of the human form or more landscape or uh even what you call more uh

like portraits or or it's usually my cats boy or pixels beaches

or in someone's you know a house

like you're inside the house

uh it's um i i sort of go whatever i see that i kind of like i don't really have a don't have a special Nor do I think that I'm like good.

Like, I wouldn't have, I wouldn't have, like, this is why Gatto's a good friend because it's not something I would have done.

I would never be like,

let's do a showcase of my photos from the past five years.

But he was like, no, you should do it.

Like, you should.

Does Joe think you're a talented photographer?

He says that.

Is Joe a talented photographer?

Joe's pretty good, yeah.

Yeah.

He's been doing it for like a decade, like 15 years.

Do you guys have some like expensive high-end gear?

No, it's all consumer-grade.

Yeah.

Yeah, but what I do is like when we go on tour, I'll buy, I'll go to thrift shops and buy like old film cameras that are just in thrift shops, and I'll run a roll of film through that.

So I don't even think the best equipment makes for the best photos.

I don't think

you may disagree if you come and see them.

You might have.

Do people have to pay to get in?

No, it's free.

No, it's free.

It's free.

Yeah, yeah, it's free.

That's cool.

I think you buy prints, but you could also be selling prints.

Yeah, but you could also just take a picture of the picture on the wall.

I don't care.

That's fine.

Would you be comfortable if someone commissioned you for some risque photos?

Yes.

Boudoir pics.

You would.

Yeah, I would.

I would not have pegged you as someone being a prude.

You were saying you would or would you?

I would be comfortable.

Oh, I thought you meant,

would you be, would you, would you be comfortable?

Oh, yes, you meant, like, you know, I wouldn't do it.

Okay, you would take it.

I'd be comfortable, sure.

You would be like full frontal.

Of some dude?

No, I was going to say, I was assuming it was a female.

Yeah, I would do it.

You could do it?

Yeah.

Yeah, you have you with Maple Thorpe over there.

You have the lighting, and you would have.

No, I don't.

It had to rent a studio.

I'm not filming the camera.

I want to see naked people.

It's just my iPhone.

Found it at a thrift show.

Oh, I couldn't do it at all.

Couldn't do it?

No way.

No way.

But why?

They're asking me to take pictures of them naked?

Well, they like your work.

It's not definitely not something they just love your work and they want a picture of you.

Beau Doir shots.

Is that what that's called?

Yeah.

I've always heard that.

I thought that was just...

So the human, you're skeefed by the human body.

It's like a little cheesecakey, a little flirty.

Do you have any nude paintings in your hanging in your home?

That's all he has.

No, I do not.

So you're not a fan of

displaying nudity.

You know what?

I take that back.

In my basement bathroom, there's going to be several old Playboy centerfolds frames on the wall.

Okay.

Yeah.

So you're not uncomfortable displaying

my house now.

Like American apparel.

Kev had, I remember Kev had that painting of Jen.

Never saw it.

Naked painting of Jen.

Yeah, like almost life-size.

It was really tall.

I don't think I ever saw that one.

For some reason, that was always.

They didn't really display that publicly.

That was like in his bedroom.

Yeah.

Yeah, I saw the Playboy.

He took pictures of her Playboy.

Great.

She looked amazing.

I mean, you know, it sounds pretty odd.

I don't think that I don't think she would have posed for Prayboy if she didn't know that she looked good.

Preyboy?

Preyboy?

Father Lance's screen name is.

Gold Steelers.

Wait, so do you think you would come?

You think you would come or no?

Honestly,

I don't know if I can make it.

I don't know.

I have to look at my

schedule.

I don't know what I got going on next week.

Well, I'll make sure the invite gets to the right night

for you generally.

Friday night, it's yeah, I don't know what's going on.

That's still a fucking week away.

I don't know.

All right.

Well, if anybody here is

listening and you're in New York City next weekend, they'll definitely be there most of the day, Saturday, part of Sunday.

And then we'll be in chicago the week after i mean look this isn't like fucking meet and greets where you got to pay all this money this is thirty dollars for pinball and uh galleries free and you're getting on the ground floor of the next viral sensation yeah pinball twins yeah with this

bry

listen up i want to talk to you about something i want to talk about underpants

Ask yourself this one very important question.

Is your underwear making you happy at this very moment?

Or were you not even thinking about your underwear?

Wouldn't you like to be wearing underwear that is so soft that you feel like you're making love to an actual cloud all day long?

I don't know.

I don't know if I feel like that, but if you do, I've got one word for you.

It's called meundies.

BuzzFeed said this about meundies.

Alright.

I don't respect BuzzFeed, so I'm not going to quote them.

They're fucking idiots.

How about Ask Men?

I don't even know what that is.

Ask Men said that they feel like silk drenched in a hand lotion.

What's with the metaphors all over the place?

They're so soft they make Bob Ross's voice sound like Gilbert Godfrey.

Alright, I don't like that.

I don't like that at all because I love Gilbert.

Alright, strike that one too.

They're so soft that Kenny G thinks about them to get inspired to write his next song.

Ugh.

Alright, then they should take Myondi's off the goddamn market.

Why are they using these things?

You know what?

Let's just talk about the goddamn underwear.

Not only will they make your loins feel like they're being hugged.

Alright.

Why do they do this?

Why do they give you all this stuff that they think is clever?

I don't know.

Look, I'm here to tell you about Myundis.

You buy one pair.

They're not like regular cotton underwear.

They're soft.

They're not going to get torn apart in the wash.

They have all these amazing prints, adventurous, like significant otters, plant babies, and shamrocks.

Those are going to be available $2.19.

They got socks.

They got all cut.

How much more can I say about Myundis?

You got it.

You know it.

They're a little bit expensive at first, but worth the investment, I think, anyway.

And we have an offer for first-time purchasers.

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Go to meundis.com slash TESD.

That's meundis.com/slash T-E-S-D.

Terms and conditions and all that other shit applies.

I'm going to look into getting some quotes from

sources that aren't aren't super irritating or annoying

for next time.

See you later.

meandews.com slash T-E-S-D.

Want to hear how I was a hero to a couple local kids?

Yes, absolutely.

It was awesome.

So Sage is a cheerleader, and part of,

I guess, the responsibility of a parent when their kid's a cheerleader is to sit through two super boring, shitty games:

a boys' game and a girls' game.

And these are like sixth, seventh, eighth graders.

A lot of air balls.

A lot of air balls.

The girls' team, I'll be like, do you guys know what a bounce pass is?

Like, for Christ's sakes, like, they just, it's terrible.

Suffice it to say, it's terrible.

And the way they work it now is that, like, you know, you have your four periods, and then there's a fifth one for the scrubs who don't get to play during regular play.

So now you got another

six minutes.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

So

there's

yeah, it really is.

It's like

my child plays in garbage time.

Oh my God.

It's true.

Like you're right.

Yeah.

Nobody wants to say it.

Nobody wants to see it.

It's there.

It's something you don't talk about in polite company, you know?

Hey, are your kids on the team?

No, they're not.

He's a garbage man.

And in the grand scheme of things, in 30 years, it ain't going to matter if you played in the regular session or in garbage time.

Right.

It's meaningless

in the overall scheme of things.

I'd rather play in garbage time.

Because you don't fall as far.

It was never good.

No one remembers if you won or lost in garbage time.

Yeah.

Those teams are only good for in the moment, raising some people's self-esteem and lowering others.

It'll affect you in the future for sure.

Have you thought about it?

Not like you think.

Have you thought about volunteering, Brian?

That's what Mary Beth said.

She wanted to volunteer.

All you do is disagree with the fact that you're going to be.

Coach Johnson, Coach Johnson.

What do I do to become a better free ball player?

I'd be like, I don't play soccer.

You stink.

That's why you're in garbage time.

No, I was telling, well, that's part of this.

I was telling Mary Beth, I was like,

when I played basketball, Mahoney, he was a maniac, our coach.

He would run up, like, up and stalk up and down the court, and he's like tearing his tie off.

He would take, like, if you fucked up, he would take you, he'd throw you onto the bleacher.

You know, like, sit out.

He would yell at you constantly, yell at you during practice.

That is not the way it is anymore.

No, probably yelling.

I don't know if it's for the better.

It's probably for the better.

It's probably for the better, ultimately.

These coaches are common.

It's nothing like that, you know.

But what really struck me was when the opposing team is shooting a foul shot,

it's quiet.

There's nobody like yelling or being

trying to get them off their game.

So there's these kids sitting next to me

up a couple

rises in the bleacher, and they're doing the like stomping their feet.

They start stomping their feet

when the opposing team is shooting a foul shot.

And this teacher, this guy, like jock guy, like his big, he looks like like a gym teacher, but it turned out he was a special ed teacher, tells him to stop

and be respectful.

And I asked the kids, I said, is that a new rule?

Like, you guys are not allowed to stomp on the bench?

And they're like, no, it's not a rule, but

he's just telling us not to do it.

And I said,

why?

Like, why can't you do it?

And they were like, I don't know.

So the guy's teacher standing there with this other teacher.

And I walked down to him on the court.

And I was like, just for curiosity's sake, I was like, why are they not allowed to do that?

And immediately you could see in this guy's face that he doesn't like to be questioned by anyone.

And

he's like, well, they're being rude.

And I said, in what way?

I said, by stomping on the bench.

And I was like, that's, isn't that par for the course with stuff like this?

And he's like, well, you know, a parent asked him to stop.

And I said, correct me if I'm wrong.

But I said, they're trying to throw the the other team off their game they're trying to razz them they're they're basically like you know telling them that they're they're no good and you know we're not as good as the this team i was like aren't they just doing in a very loosely organized way the exact same thing that your leaders are doing

And he's just looking at me and he doesn't want to fucking hear it.

And he's like, they're rude to parents.

I was like, I know, I heard that part.

But

I was like, that's not being rude to just keep stomping.

He didn't want to hear it and he walked away.

And I went to,

but I talked to the lady who was the lady teacher standing there for a couple minutes, and I went back, and I sat down next to Mary Beth.

And then there was like the whole game.

And then when I was leaving, those kids were like by the door, and they were like, hey, man, thanks for speaking up for us.

Like, they were happy that I went and said to the guy, like, what the fuck, dude?

Like, what, like, your arbitrary rules.

It's like, you can't do that.

Like, these kids are there supporting the team, and they're doing something that is widely regarded as acceptable in every fucking gym across the land.

But because some parent from the opposing team doesn't want them stomping their feet, this guy's like, I'm just going to fucking say, you can't do it.

Who the fuck are you?

I mean, your power isn't absolute here.

If they haven't commissioned a statue for you.

My point exactly.

To put on the grounds of the school

pay homage when you walk into those gym doors to, you know,

you can heckle the opposing team free

of

persecution.

We thank Brian Johnson.

Right.

It's just a statue of me sitting down on a bleacher with one foot up, one foot down, like I'm just stomping the fuck out of that thing.

We'll divert all the funds from the Dennis statue to this new statue.

What a fucking irritation.

I like to see you.

This is crazy.

Like, I don't think I've seen you side on the side of youth in five years.

Maybe getting the

old Brian Johnson back.

Maybe he's not as old.

Maybe some of that crust is coming off.

It's time to start fighting the man instead of being the man.

Yeah.

I told him.

I was like, I am pretty cool.

You know what?

I used to be cool like this all the time.

I started reading all this stuff on the internet.

It makes me mad.

Yeah, you became the man.

You did become the man.

It's time to start turning your attention towards the man because you've neglected it for a long time.

You used to be of the people, for the people.

You're not.

Well,

how so?

Am I not for the people anymore?

I'm just

so unclear.

Well, you're just decrying the new generation, the new generation.

I aged out.

Yeah, you aged out, but you don't have to.

It's a state of mind.

You're parroting the talking points of the man constantly.

Yeah.

So ape.

a bunch of eighth graders behavior so I can fit in.

Well, you felt the need to bring it to the table how dude fucking auditions.

It annoyed me to no end.

It annoyed me to no end.

And it was nice.

I got to say it was nice for those kids to be like, hey, man, thanks, because that's what you didn't have as a kid.

One time, I remember seventh or eighth grade, me and Mike Cunningham were going out to the fucking mobile units, right?

Right.

And we took a shortcut through the back, which you weren't supposed to do.

And Mrs.

Riemann, remember, Mr.

and Mrs.

Riemann, Mrs.

Riemann sent us to the office, said that she saw us smoking.

I've never smoked.

I don't smoke.

She swore up and down that we were smoking, and we got in trouble for it.

Was it a skinny cigarette?

No, it was no, we were just taking a short cigarette.

Not even a funny cigarette.

You know, I would tell you if that were the case.

I'm in right now.

I'm in right now.

Are you on a funny cigarette right now?

I got you.

Do you got a funny cigarette?

That's right.

I'm a jersey.

It's the criminalized.

That's bullshit, man.

That kind of like powerlessness in the face of like authority, either real or perceived, is fucking annoying.

Right.

Well, that's what people, I think the listenership of TSD is going to, I think this is like where maybe Juju be another reason to come back is because now you're turning your ire towards the man.

Yeah.

You got to speak for the powerless more

and start speaking truth to power like

because you stop being

that guy.

I thought I was still that guy.

What am I complaining about?

Like, what's different now from then?

Well, now you're taking a stance against something completely meaningless.

Right.

Kids stomping their feet on a podium.

What was it called?

The stands.

Yeah, the bleachers.

The bleachers.

It's like not meaningless to them, though.

Nothing was more important.

It's not meaningless to you either.

Right, obviously.

It should be, but it's not.

Mary Bett is like, oh.

I'm an American.

Standing up to

a teacher.

This many years later.

But Dander was a...

Boys, Medander was a

lot of years, if you looked at the paradigm set up by like Caddyshack or Porkies or whatever,

you would become the guy trying to shut down

the ski club instead of the scrappy band of youngsters that were like trying to defeat the rich kids.

Yeah, I'm like, the status quo, guys.

You were the camp across the lake.

Yeah, the rich kids.

Yeah, you were the rich kids.

Meatballs in here.

The ants aren't just rejoining.

I mean, there's probably a fucking parade going on right now in some town, somewhere in America, in your honor, because the old Brian Johnson is back.

Yeah, they're like, I work at Walmart, and my supervisor was kind of rude to me.

Any chance you can come and give me your phone?

Yeah, I'll be back.

That's it.

That is it.

Yeah.

That's it.

You'll be taking on.

Not millennials.

It has to be a millennial.

I'm going to have to take it.

In fact, this guy may have been a millennial.

This teacher, I'm not even sure.

I'm like, hey,

why are we all enough kids?

We're trying to raise hold your teeth.

You're like Buscemi in 30 rock when he's got his hat to the side, a rock band.

He's like, hello, fellow children.

23 skadoo.

Who's with me?

Yeah, right, kids.

This is a big moment.

I mean, people have been waiting a long time for this moment.

Yeah, but see, but I thought like kicking the door in at

Sonic was fucking up.

Oh, no.

That's too personal.

Too angry.

It's too angry.

I should have beaten the shit out of the teacher.

Check it out, man.

He's fucking bleeding all over, guys.

Take a fucking shot.

He's down.

Take a fucking shot.

No, they want to see.

I want to see a Brian Johnson for the underdogs.

All right.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're right.

I was too much about me and my own personal little

trifling bullshit here and there.

That's it, man.

You know what?

Mary Beth reminded me the other day, too.

That ulta argument I got into was...

I was getting the gift card not for my niece, but for your daughter for Christmas.

That doesn't change anything to who you're buying it for.

No, it doesn't change anything, but it did give me an idea, though, because you're like, just give me your number, just give me your number.

And I came with a foolproof plan.

I'm going to give him your number from now on.

Yeah.

That's okay.

No matter where I go, whether it's a fucking sketchy spa

or Ulta.

I was going to say, tell them, Steve Dave, but real quick, I want to announce

that Tell them Steve Dave is looking for artwork.

We're going to be doing a new series of t-shirts, and we are looking to purchase artwork.

We're going to be choosing five new designs, and if you want to submit some artwork to KMUS2 at Gmail, K-M-E-W-E-S-2 at Gmail, we'll go through them.

We're going to select some

cool new designs to, and we're phasing out the old designs.

So, if you're on the fence and we're retiring, all the old Tell them Steve Dave shirts are on merch table.

So, if

there are not a lot of sizes left, but if you're in the 4X to 6X category,

those are still available.

Congrats.

Can I make a request on those?

Can someone, because I feel like we've kind of let the four-colored demons, I mentioned this before we started recording

fall by the wayside a little bit.

I want to bring it back.

I want Johnson's back for the children.

I want to be back.

I want to do like.

Well, not for the children, for the underdog.

For the underdog, right?

I want to do a four-colored demons meetup this year, like a rally.

All right.

And I, so if one of these designs, or if some people could submit some four-colored demons design, because because I feel like 2019 is going to be the year that we official

turning into something great.

This is the year where we kick it into high gear, which Brian Johnson is a.

You don't need to go to the

Kevin Smith.

That's what Brian Johnson does.

Kicks things into high gear two days after firing me.

I was thinking about that the other day, like when you got, you were let go and they left me with Nick.

Well, I wasn't.

To be fair, fair, I wasn't let go to Kevin.

I wasn't fired.

No, you actually left.

I was demoted.

We got demoted, and then you were like, I'm not going to be demoted.

Yeah.

So you left.

Still,

like, I don't, I couldn't figure out why Nick was mad at me for so long, but in retrospect, I'm like, it was kind of weird that I'm like, is there any way you can fire him and keep Q?

Because I like Q and I want him to stay.

Yeah.

Like, he was,

Nick did a pretty stand-up thing, man.

Nick is the cut.

You don't want me there as your friend if you're Nick.

No, you took my job.

You want Nick, right?

Nick's the guy

who fucking stood up for me.

He stood up for you.

That's a fat lot of good it did him because you came back anyway then took his job.

What are you going to do?

He's writing comics for Marvel now.

Nick Giovanni, good stuff.

He's writing a Cosmic Ghostwriter series.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Nice.

It's pretty cool.

Do we have an ad, too?

We have two ads.

We have ads again?

We have ads again.

I thought,

right?

Who had an ad?

Through who?

A new sponsor.

Someone new.

Who got this for us?

Smod.

Smod.

Okay, got it.

Yeah.

This.

Oh, wait.

You did Casper and Policy Genius?

No.

I did not.

Okay.

All right.

We'll do a quick Casper.

Why not?

Casper's back.

They never left.

They were our most loyal sponsor, them and me undies.

I don't remember.

I guess you guys do the commercials without me.

Yeah, for a long time.

We've been doing them at home and then drop them in later not to kill the flow of the show.

But it's been so long since we've done that, I thought it would be nice.

Yeah.

All right, we got Casper.

Here's some talking points.

Discussion.

They want you to discuss this shit.

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So all those fucking middlemen are basically sleeping on the streets without a Casper mattress.

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All right,

100 nights.

Who else is doing that?

No one.

Could you imagine if, like,

like when you're like the part of the mating ritual is to sleep together for a hundred nights?

And like, after a hundred nights, you're like, fuck yeah.

That's a great idea.

That's the only deciding factor.

I have always thought that marriages should be renewable every five to like there should be a set date

where they where they expire and you have to fill out paperwork to keep them to keep them because at that moment people can be like all right the marriage is expired

i mean it kind of flies in the face of the institution which is being supposed to be forever

Right, but that

this is more practical.

Yeah.

Like, it's just like, it wasn't that nice.

Don't think about it.

Like, it's a romantic thing.

Like, honey, our license, like, our marriage is expiring.

Like, do you want to do it again?

Right?

It's like, you know how often people don't even get their cars registered, though?

They just forget.

So, what happens if you forget to do your marriage and then you find out you're not married and something bad happens?

Like, I go into a coma, and my wife

can't, like, administer.

She can't speak for me because I'm comatose.

Because it expired?

Yeah.

Who speaks for you then?

I guess.

Absent of your wife.

If you don't pick a friend, you let the state come in.

Jesus.

Governor Christie.

Well, no.

All right.

How about this?

How about it?

The default is that it doesn't expire, but all you got to do is submit the paperwork.

Like that.

It's every five years you have a 10-day window where you could dissolve the marriage.

That's all good.

Yeah.

I know.

Or not.

Now, I want to go back to my original plan.

Just be responsible and put the paperwork in.

But you have to renew the marriage every five years.

Why is that romantic, though?

Because if you choose to do it, it's not like a marriage where you just fucking roll along for 20 years and you're stuck together.

It's like every five years you're making the choice to be together.

So when has paperwork and contracts and renewals of anything ever been like this is?

But I think this is a good escape clause.

Like, you don't have to go through all the problem of a divorce and shit.

It's like

you commit for five years, and you're like, hey, we're like,

so if she or she, he or she decides to walk out, there's no like, there's no like splitting of the guy.

You can walk out, but you're still legally married until that five-year window.

Yeah, I guess I hear what you're saying.

Like, how do you handle the financials?

Yeah.

Well, first of all, I guess we would just

get rid of alimony completely.

That should just go.

If you're a feminist, that's you're female.

Bry, fry, bry.

What?

You got to speak for the underdog.

I am.

The guys.

Look, he's not back.

She's not back.

The guys in the situation with the child custody and the alimony and all this stuff.

The children make it.

Children, there should be like law, obviously, things in place, I guess.

I don't know.

What do I know?

I don't know anything about this.

I have no skin in this game.

I think there's 10 or 15 Casper's by now.

Yeah.

Oh, that's right.

We're doing a Casper.

Casper while you still can't.

That's right.

That's right.

If host owns a Casper mattress,

but think think of how well-behaved everybody's going to be in that fifth year, knowing that the marriage is up for renewal.

Well, why are you misbehaving the other years on the fifth year, and then all of a sudden you're good?

I don't know, but according to my time in the firehouse, nobody that's married is happy.

So I'm just saying, you know.

Yeah, you don't see a lot of happily married, at least I don't.

Like clicking heels and shit, like loving it.

The shit you see on TV where you're like,

I don't see people who act like this, even if they like each other.

Like, you and Deb seem perfectly happy and content, but I don't see like

overly like dramatic displays of affection or gaze in each other's eyes or dressing the same or whatever.

What's it called?

PDA?

No PDA?

Yeah.

I might see you, Deb, a little PDA from a distance.

Say from the weeds across the road.

From the marsh.

Come on, let's roll it.

Let's put it in the road.

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I wonder who is.

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T-E-S-D.

Got another sponsor here, Q.

I know that you are totally sick of all these different insurance policies that you're juggling.

Yeah.

You know, I have like 20.

Right.

So I'm worth more dead than alive.

And you got to fucking run around and be like, oh, wait, let me compare and contrast and all this other shit.

Yeah, that's all I do.

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So it's like orbits, but for life insurance.

Right.

That's great.

I think a different kind of,

just saying life insurance here.

I was under the...

I was under the impression that it was a whole bunch of different ones, but let's motivate the audiences, boys.

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You have life insurance, Walt?

I don't know.

My wife would know.

I don't worry about

those

crossing the T's and dotting the I's.

So I let my wife do that.

Right.

So when you're dead and they're like, oh my God, we've got no income.

Why didn't he just cross that last T?

What was he doing?

No, I don't like to think about these things.

I'll be honest with you.

I didn't realize this was the new sponsor.

It's a bomber.

It's morbid, right?

Yeah, they're like, you know you're going to die.

Don't you want your family to be taken care of?

And I'm like, no, I do not.

They're going to use that money.

Maryby's going to use that money to

dollar herself up,

get a nice dress.

Find a new Johnson.

Push those tits up with a fucking expensive bra.

Yeah.

Find someone, some might say, age-appropriate.

It's disgusting.

That I doubt.

Fucking weird ass bitch.

Oh, my God.

That made my hand hurt.

All right.

So no matter how much or how little you know about life insurance, you can find the right policy in minutes at policygenius.com.

PolicyGenius, the easy way to compare and buy life insurance.

And there's no code for whatever reason.

No code, huh?

How are they going to know that TSD sent them there?

Because I'm sure a lot of listeners out there right now are, we don't want to think about it.

I know you guys don't want to hear about it and don't want to even consider that.

You might not be there, but

this is an insurance policy for that.

Well, I guess an insurance policy is an insurance policy, right?

Right.

Yeah, as much as you don't want to think about

your demise.

It is weird.

Sometimes I'll sit there and I'll be like, holy shit.

Usually, if I'm high,

like, oh my my God, I'm going to die.

Like,

that's a fact.

It's coming.

But you never, and no one does.

You're never like, oh, man, like, tomorrow might be the day I get fucking run over.

I don't think tomorrow might be the day.

I think the human mind is wired not to think about.

You wouldn't be able to fucking move.

Right.

If you just thought about how every step you take could lead you to your own death.

Right.

But you know who does it think it for you?

A fucking policy genius, right?

They're there.

Oh, my God.

Thank you.

But look for you people.

But look at the legacy you're going to leave behind, oh, Brian.

It's a little bit of a legacy.

No, no, don't

be at my funeral.

Don't diminish it.

It's a legacy.

You know what?

Well, I mean, it's dwindling every day.

If you can get Juju B back, I would say you have a legacy.

Yeah.

Right.

It all hinges on that.

On JujuBee is going to give a fuck about anything I've done

if I can't win you back.

I honestly believe that.

Please

save my soul, Juju B.

Tell him, Steve Dave.

Hello.

Hello.

Oh, my God, boys.

It's the newest voice in the podcasting game, Joey Patone.

Yeah.

Good evening, gentlemen.

Good evening.

A new groundbreaking format you're trying?

Two cups of Joe, right?

Two cups of Joe.

Not two pods of shit.

It's two cups of Joe.

Two cups of Joe.

What do you got?

Well, you might like this podcast.

I think you guys are talking

about like

everyday shit.

Well, we try.

We try.

We don't get too deep in the stuff that you guys talk about.

I don't go too deep in stuff, you know, or too deep into people.

But yes, it's called Two Cups of Joe.

We actually talk about everyday life of entertainment and stuff.

We actually had our first podcast the other day.

It was with Donnie Wahlberg and Robin Thick since I got unmasked for the Masked Singer.

Now the cat's out of the bag.

I'm a freaking rabbit, and I hop around.

Were you aware of this?

That Joey fatone was the rabbit on a masked singer do you know what that is miss oh yeah i know it that's huge right now that's like that's like why are you doing a podcast you're on the masked singer somebody somebody asked me uh if you were the rabbit this is before it was revealed right and i was like i was like i don't know and they're like could you ask him i was like Are you out of your fucking mind?

One, he would never tell me.

Two, why would Joey?

You know, I would tell you.

He told me, I knew.

I don't think you swear to secrecy, but I would tell you.

I knew Joey, and a lot of people asked me, and I didn't tell anybody.

Yeah, well, see, that's why you're good.

I like you.

But

if Johnson's going to open up his fucking mouth, then I can't do anything with that.

Well, I was like, it could affect the line in Vegas or something, right?

You know what?

We could have placed some bets.

Get out.

That's why you should have told me, and I would have laid those bets.

Cue over here, goody two-shoes and shit.

I didn't know.

I might have told Trump.

Every time I text you, and I'll get rap messages.

I got to talk to Brian in order to get you.

I got to talk to you to talk to Q.

It's hard to get a text back from the team.

No, dude, it's ridiculous.

He tells me.

When did you fucking text me?

I had surgery on fucking Tuesday.

When did you text me?

Okay, well, fuck you, because first of all,

when I was in New York, after Valentine's Day, you're like, oh, come on over Saturday.

I said, all right, cool.

First of all, y'all blew me off because I had Boys to Man tickets.

You didn't want to go see Boyce to Man.

I told you I couldn't go see Boyce to Man.

I told you I couldn't go.

And I respect that, and I love you for it.

But the next day I thought we were going to hang out, I heard Gugats from you for nothing, and then you didn't even text me back.

That part might be true.

He did hear Gugats from me.

True, no, it's 100% true.

Yeah, that part is true.

He didn't hear it from me because he didn't text me when he was in New York.

No, bro.

Son of a bitch.

You know what?

Johnson, I'm calling you from now on.

Oh, I'll be there, bro.

I'll go see Boys to Man.

This is outrageous.

Oh, my God.

That'll be amazing when you with your freaking beard going out there.

You should wear like a leather jacket and sunglasses.

and just be like, just come out there.

I'm here to see Boys to Men.

By the way,

how was Boys to Men?

Good?

Oh, it was fantastic.

You should have been there, but you weren't.

Actually, honestly, you guys were all sick or something.

Everybody was like, call me, tell me.

Yeah, we were like passing around some fucking goddamn nightmare.

I was healthy as a horse.

It must be nice.

I'm actually at a Comic-Con in Pensacola right now.

Oh, where's that?

Where's Pensacola?

Pensacola.

It's a Panhandle?

It's in the Panhandle.

I literally drove from seven hours from Orlando, six hours, really.

So Orlando to Pensacola.

I think it was just kind of nice because it was just different.

They didn't have to fly.

Aren't you

able to just get a car?

Aren't you a rich, famous guy?

Why are you driving seven hours to a Comic-Con?

You know, when times are tough, I was, you know, Johnson, I was a rich, famous guy at one point.

I don't know if you remember, I was in a band called In Sync back in the day with the guy, Justin Timberlake.

I saw you on a double bill with Boys to Men.

Yeah, exactly.

And what happened was, is, you know, after a few years, when you decide to spend a lot of money, and when you're 19 years old, 20 years old, you don't think you're going to like, what, save money for what?

I'm going to die young.

And then you have two kids, and then you realize I got to start doing Comic-Cons to make some money because I have two kids you're going to put into college.

They're like, put this fucking rabbit head on.

Whatever you say.

Dance.

Dance, boy.

Dance.

Sing your heart out.

So

what made you want to do the podcast?

What made you want to start doing it?

Honestly,

me and my manager Joe have been doing, wanting to do a podcast for a long time.

We honestly have talked about it, never pulled the trigger.

We actually were on a radio in Orlando, Florida called, it was on XL 106.7 called Joe Joe and Kid Show.

There's a guy named Kid Cruz that used to be there years ago, back in the day, actually almost back in the NCAA.

It was back in the NZIC days, because during that time, we did so many different interviews with so many different celebrities.

We thought this would be great.

Faded, fizzled out for a while.

Obviously, XM Radio and Sirius kind of did all their thing.

And that was the time that that started hitting big.

So we kind of backed off this was the time to pull the trigger and I think it was kind of a for us it was a fun thing because we were like all right well let's let's launch it but how are we gonna launch it it's like oh let's talk about the mass singer since cats out of the bag on wednesday i get kicked off let's interview donny wahlberg and robin tick for that and that's kind of how the idea came up with and me and joe always wanted to do something so now we called it two cups of joe and we're in uh podcast one it's great

nice

that's how it happens

how did you guys how did you guys come up with it i was gonna say i was gonna ask walter if he had any advice for a young podcaster just getting in the game.

Damn, yeah, I need some advice.

I need help.

Those guests are gets, though.

That's really.

How are you going to be able to keep topping your last show?

Because that's a major get right there, right?

Okay, you're ready for the next shows that are coming up that we just already did.

We got Ken Griffey Jr.

and also got Johnny Damon talking to you.

We also have a guy named Steele, who is the world's best wake boarder, number one wakeboarder.

Look him up.

He does the stupidest tricks ever where he'll flip over and they'll throw him a freaking beer and he'll catch it while he's flipping.

So, we got the fun thing about it is we're literally doing branching out on different genres and different everything.

Some stuff we're gonna, of course, joke around, play fun, ha ha ha ha ha.

And then, some things I might, I might even get, we're talking about even getting my kid and his kid to sit down and like really drill into some shit and try to kind of talk to them about dating.

How because they're seven, I have a 17-year-old, she's gonna be turning 18.

So, certain things I don't even know.

So, might as well talk it on the podcast and get it out.

Are you friends with Johnny Damon?

I am actually.

I've known Johnny Don.

Believe it or not, my manager Joe has known Johnny Damon since high school.

Like ninth grade.

So that helps when you if you you must have a lot of famous friends, right?

Well, it's weird.

Believe it, the funny thing about you say that is there's a lot of famous people or people that were growing up around the same time.

It's almost like the Breakfast Club and the Rat Pack idea.

But all these people came out of Florida.

Like for instance, my boy Luis Fonzi, the kid that sings Despacito, you know that Spanish song that came out and it was all big and stuff?

I was in an a cappella group with that kid when I was in high school.

So he's been a best friend of mine.

DJ Khaled, if you know who that guy is, he's a DJ.

He went to Dr.

Phillips high school, same grade.

AJ Brzezinski, White Sox player.

Johnny Damon, obviously Yankees in Boston.

You have one of the guys that originally wrote Fresh Off the Boat.

He went to Dr.

Phillips.

A friend of mine was a producer of SpongeBob SquarePants, the musical, who's from Dr.

Phillips.

A buddy of mine, if you want to do Broadway, Tony Yasbeck is Broadway.

The guy that's doing freaking Genie and Aladdin right now on Broadway was from Dr.

Phillips.

So it is insane how many people came out of that high school so what you

what you got to do is try to get them to reveal something they've never revealed before on your podcast you got to break news

i i will that is that as i said if it ruins their career especially is it almost like break news like they were you know they got beat up by their parents or something like that or is that well i mean it doesn't matter if they reveal something that they've never told somebody else then you get credited for it and your podcast uh just like bumps up the charts then gotcha yeah so that's kind of like and

maybe that's kind of what happened because we had Donnie on there, and Donnie started talking about how he was helping his brother just get out of not being in jail.

So he wrote

the, what's the first song?

Good vibrations.

Donnie basically kind of got Mark out of being in trouble.

And that was actually kind of an interesting kind of whole story where he just started talking about it.

We're like, oh, damn, we didn't know that.

That's a positive thing.

I think what Walt's talking about is like, don't be anything.

Like, you want to try to get one of these guys in a Me Too type situation where Patone can expose them

so it's like what was it like on tour you know did you used to tie them up beat them up that kind of thing yeah they didn't want what you did to them right

do you have somebody like actively looking forward to like land big guests

you you're ready you're ready you want to laugh about that that's me and my manager joe calling people up that's what we do yeah i mean you're ready you're off to a great start though yeah you got tell them steve dave

yeah joe do you have any advice for an old podcaster

No, keep doing what you're doing.

You kidding me?

You guys are fucking awesome.

Tell me, again,

tell me those things.

The sneakers we ordered came in.

Oh, they did?

Yeah, I got them on right now.

Oh, get the hell out of here.

Yeah, I feel good, dude.

I feel like I'm living in the future.

Well, dude, it's it's it's yeah, that stuff's scary.

Self-lacing ones, that website is scary.

Looks like that's some British nights on it.

No, these are uh

these are the self-lacing ones that you stop.

in.

Oh my god, how much do those go for?

They're actually only like 300 and change.

Hey, you gotta see.

Did you see the new ones?

Yeah, the BBs.

Yes.

Yes, those are on their way as well.

So that's like back to the future shit.

It's the yeah, the Nike ones they made.

You step into them and they lace it.

He had them on the cruise.

He was rubbing them in my face.

He let me wear his on the cruise.

Buddy,

I looked at my texts

and I very clearly say can't I can't go and I know but if you recall when we talked when we were shooting after party you said yeah we'll get together on Saturday no I know but on Friday the 15th I say to you that I'm sick I say very clearly that I'm sick and you said sound good you guys need ZPAC so we had the conversation that you're accusing me of not having no no we had the conversation but that was on Friday did you feel bad on Saturday Yeah

but you didn't tell me well you know I thought by saying that I was Listen, this is a simple misunderstanding.

Don't call Johnson next time you're here.

Call me again.

Exactly.

I'm calling Brian Johnson.

Fuck this shit.

So

what's next on the agenda for tell him Steve?

Stave Dave Tate.

What is that called again?

What is your podcast?

Yeah, tell him Steve, Dave.

Yeah.

Oh, that one.

Yeah, that one.

We just passed 400.

We've just had our 400th episode, so past that.

Did you really?

Dude, I was about to say, do you guys do it once a week or

every week every day what is it exactly once a week we try to do it once a week right if we can't it's not it's it's tough though you guys know how tough that is though to get everybody together i mean

is that is that the advice

is that the advice you give them a consistency well what's your schedule are you trying to do it once a week

yeah trying to trying to bang it out once a week if we can or we'll do like two or three uh in a day since obviously because i obviously we travel so much and so does my manager joe so he deals with boys to men and all that crap which you know if you didn't want to go to the concert.

Yeah, I would

basically, by the way,

thanks for following up and seeing how I'm feeling.

If you want some contact numbers, some tell him Steve Dave guests, I can get you Chris Ledondo, get him Steve Dave.

Follow on.

Sunday, Jeff.

I'm telling you,

I like Jeff, of course.

Everybody loves Jeff.

Yeah, he's undeniable.

We all agree.

He'll cut you a good rate, too.

Oh, yeah.

Well, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, we gotta pay him?

We'd get you the most famous guest we ever had, but that's you.

Hey, and if you're calling me and you think I'm the famous one, holy shit, you got another comment.

You're in the wrong, wrong place.

You might as well call Chris Kirkpatrick or freaking one of the other guys from the group that nobody knows who they are.

one of the others like their names escape me right now

oh man you know it's it's you know it's sad we're getting old man that's the problem we're getting old and not many people are knowing us anymore the generation gap is is closing in on us i mean

fans

yeah the fan the fans that know us though the fans that actually know us though are like you know obviously they're in the 30s and stuff like that so

it's a little older no lie i'm at a comic-con today and i had a there was like four young girls very really young and then there was a mother she was standing there and she looked she goes oh i know you guys from you know from in sync and all stuff and the kids looking at me like i don't know who the you are and i looked at her and said you know justin tibolet she goes oh i know justin tibberlick i said okay so i have all the pictures in front of me so there's a there's a picture of when we did the star on the walk of fame so i pointed to i pointed to chris and i go you know who that is she goes no

you know who that is uh no what about jc no how about this guy she looked at me she looks she goes is that you

like like the the kid looked at me as if, like, oh, I don't know if that's you or not.

I'm like, son of a gun.

And then, of course, I pointed, I'm like, oh, that's Jessica.

And I was like, you sons of bitches.

Oh, dude.

Hey, if it makes you feel better, like, most people will never get a walk, a star in the Walk of Fame at all.

So true.

You know what?

You guys should do it.

Get it.

You guys should get it.

It's actually

what you do is get a petition.

You get people to sign a petition, and then you pay a fee to get the star.

Is that really how it's done?

Yeah.

Q, I'm not even kidding you.

That's exactly how it's done.

Oh, well, then stars for everybody.

How much is it?

30 grand.

30 grand?

Stars all around.

That's over.

Forget about that.

I'm buying these self-lacing sneakers.

I can't afford that shit.

Right, well, I know Sal won't even pay for it.

I'm surprised Sal pays for his sneakers half the time.

Yeah, he is very.

He wouldn't pay for the star.

Is everything else good?

What else is going on?

What else is popping?

What are you talking about today?

What's the topic today?

I don't know.

Mainly how the whole planet's gay.

We're talking about Robert.

What about Robert Kraft?

Did you hear that breaking news?

Would you touch that on your podcast?

What?

Did he pass away with the monkey guy, right?

No, Robert Kraft, owner of the New England Patriots.

He got caught soliciting prostitution.

What exactly happened again?

He was like a strip in the strip club or something.

What did he do?

No, he was a strip mall.

He was at a strip mall at a massage parlor.

Oh, he got the grand opening, huh?

Not the happy ending.

Nah, he got raided and

carted off with some other people.

Would you touch that one?

On two Joe's?

I wouldn't touch any of that.

No.

No, no, I don't mean literally.

I mean, touch the subject.

Of course,

I'll talk about it.

But I'll definitely talk about it.

But the crazy thing about that is, let's be real here.

If you're going to do something like that anyway,

first of all, why you got to pay for it?

Let's go there.

Meaning, in a sense, talk to the person.

Have a feeling.

He's like 90 years old.

It looks like he's one foot in the grave.

Yeah, he's got a good one.

But that's okay.

there's there's a percentage of a lot of women out there that will take that one foot in the grave because after that one foot goes in the grave like anna nicole you get somebody with some money well he's married too though yeah he's also married

hey well that puts a damper on everything doesn't it

but i'm about to say is no but what you do is you know kind of i don't know it's just not that stupid I just try not to stay out of trouble like that.

I don't do any, honestly, back in the day, probably maybe I was running around somewhere in strip clubs and stuff like that, not getting into trouble that much.

But there were so many things now with technology and everything else that you really have to think about what you do.

And what decisions do you really want to make to go, do I want to end my career right now, or do I want to end my life with my family and friends and things that I have?

I mean, that's the hardest thing.

I mean, you look at the kid.

Let's talk about this.

What about the kid Jesse that decided to tell everybody that he got beat up?

Meanwhile, he hired supposedly two people.

I'm not saying it's 100% true, but you hear about this?

Yeah, it's pretty much 100% true.

it's crazy why would you do that you're an idiot because people are gonna find out nowadays no matter what no matter what you do somebody's gonna find out about something one way shape or form it's hard it's hard to it's hard to lie anymore it's hard to have any fun yeah what would you do what would you do what would you do with uh if you weren't uh fearful of uh being uncovered I mean, I know what you've told me privately.

It's pretty dark.

See,

I don't do any drugs.

I really don't.

I don't do like hard drugs.

I don't smoke.

I don't do cocaine or any of that kind of stuff.

But I'd probably have

tons of hookers and blow if everything was okay with it.

But

it's not okay.

My parents, thank goodness, have told me between right and wrong.

That's the main thing.

It's how well you were raised, how well you could take a joke.

And just like that, you know, think about like when we did the, you know, we went on

the cruise.

And I'm upset that I missed the second Space Monkeys podcast thing.

But the other one still still was deep and it's kind of funny and it's crazy, but it's like, yo, nobody take videos because we're making jokes.

It should not be taken seriously and people should not be offended by it because it's a joke.

Yeah.

And I understand how people are getting so soft nowadays in their life that they just get so soft and so offended.

I was like, dude, they're words.

Nobody's getting hurt.

Nobody's going out.

It's not like I'm going to, you know, like kids that freaking nowadays are going out to schools and shooting shit up.

But if I say words, they're words.

They're not going to,

they're not really hurting you really if you really break it down.

So, that's why, for me, I guess maybe I've gotten tough skin because over the years, and I'm sure Q, and Brian, I'm sure you guys know that people say a whole bunch of stupid shit about you guys or about us.

You do?

What?

You said, Oh, I seen what they write about those two.

It's horrible.

Have you been talking to Juju B, girl?

Like I'm just saying, think about it.

It doesn't hurt your feelings, but if somebody actually hurt their feelings and say, hey, Brian, you know, Q, you look like Rosie O'Donnell, ha ha ha.

What?

If you don't embrace it and you think that's like a negative and a meaningful thing.

Yeah, you just got to roll with it.

But that's what I mean by so many people are getting so sensitive with that shit.

Yeah, it's

well, if you're in a position like you are, you're in a lot of like family-friendly stuff.

So the slightest misstep could be all over for old Fatone.

Of course, of course.

That's why

you got to set the bar lower, like Brian Johnson level, and then no one expects anything from you.

Well, the beauty part about Pride, which I love, you know, obviously the things that he says, things that he does, sometimes they come out negative, but they're funny negative.

But the beauty part about it is I love it because I know that you're serious about some of the stuff, but you're negative about it.

You're like, ah, I gotta get out of here.

These people are annoying me.

And the people go,

oh, dude, you're so funny.

And you're like, no, I'm serious.

And I go, oh, you're really funny.

You're like, no, I'm really being serious.

Go the fuck away.

Are you having fun, though?

You're still having fun.

Oh, I think I have, you know what?

I've been very, and I'm sure you, and you know this, as far as been very blessed at all the stuff that we've been able to do.

And people take stuff for granted, I think, on a lot of different levels.

And I think for what we do and how we deal with it, and especially

for you, you know, Q, I give you credit for, like I said, on the cruise, it's you guys are getting pulled apart left and right.

Take this, do that.

And it's like, when do you get a break?

Like, when, like, Q, seriously, when's the last time you actually took a break?

Well, I was supposed to go see Boys the Men the other night, but I got sick.

But that's my point.

You get sick out of nowhere, and you're like, shit, I want to do something.

And now your body's run down.

You don't want to do nothing.

Yeah, but you know.

When do you have fun?

I'm doing it right now.

I'm chilling with my boys.

See, I like that.

See, exactly.

That's what I mean.

People don't really get a chance to be like, you know what, I didn't hang out with my boys.

I need to just chill.

And people don't understand that.

They're like, oh, because I actually, no lie, I'm not kidding you.

I went to my, in the height of our career, I went to my nephew's birthday party one time.

And it was at a roller skating ring.

And at the time obviously literally in the height of my career i'm home i'm hanging out my brother says hey birthday party all right great let's go so i show up at this roller skating ring and all of a sudden all these people say oh my god let's chill

so there was a mother standing there and literally it was like getting like crowded here i am trying to play a video game with my nephew and there's people crowding around and just just literally being rude legitimately being rude so i go dude i'm gonna step in the back over here and we ask the people that own the place you know hey do you mind if i step over there for a minute this is people just annoying and i just want to kind of crowd it out As me and my brother walk back, there was a woman standing there, and she's like, Come on, kids, let's cheer for him, Joey, Joey.

And all the kids start cheering, and the mother is the one that started.

So, my brother walks up and goes, Lady, what's your problem?

She said, What do you mean?

He's like, He's

hanging out with his nephew, which is my son, for a birthday party, and you guys are cheering for him.

Let him spend time with

this nephew.

And literally, I'm not kidding you.

The woman said, and I was standing across me.

She goes, Well, why?

He's public domain.

I was like, are you serious?

Again, it's like one of those things where people just don't think.

You're not a person.

No, I'm not.

I'm a robot.

I'm a commodity.

I'm a robot.

But again,

those kind of things, it comes with the territory.

And you just got to kind of, and again, that's why I commend you guys, as far as the jokers are concerned, how you...

you know, you guys understand it.

You understand that, you know, they're out there to support you guys, but, you know, and it's nice the way you kind of handle it too, because you're honest with it.

You're like, guys, not right now.

I'm just dealing with something right now.

It's cool.

And a lot of them have definitely been respectful.

I got to hand it to a lot of the fans of IJ.

They are definitely respectful.

Oh, yeah.

We got very lucky.

We got really lucky with our

people

who enjoy our stuff.

Really, over the years, there's only been like one or two dickheads, which seems

unbelievable when you look at it.

Yeah, no, it's again, it's crazy.

and again not not saying that you know in sync fans are crazy and they're out of their mind but

there were also like

dude there was also like 20 times the amount of in sync fans i mean you guys were a legitimate worldwide

man it's the same it's the same thing a fan is a fan you know a person that respects you and loves you and and wants to see you or get an autograph or want a picture it's sometimes you know again you know it's sometimes it's kind of like a little overwhelming you're kind of like whoa let me let me let me step back for a second here i'm a little a little break I want I want to read the Joey Fatone autobiography just called Fatone public domain

I would love I would read a book that he wrote that was like a warts and all fucking

tell all you know it'd be awesome it would be amazing I could never in a million years probably ever I've got asked to do it and I and you know what maybe one day I would maybe one day I might and it's not like it's like ooh you know tell tell all bad stories and that's the funny thing about it people are always like well who's the drug addict or who is this and who is that and it's like we were so young at that time there was nothing like that going on

you know I mean like we were just freaking getting fucked up drinking there was nothing really that was nothing like oh we were doing this and someone's a bad boy or this and that

it's weird man it's another day age now what happened what are you laughing at I missed it

saying a bad boy

I'm such a bad boy.

But Donnie Wahlberg actually coined the phrase, Joey Fitton is a national treasure.

I believe that.

I think it's hilarious.

Every time he sees me, Donny Walberg goes, ah, Joey Fatone, the national treasure.

Dude,

I have said many times about you in interviews.

You can go look it up, pal, that like the

my favorite person I've met since getting on TV and getting to meet like, you know, famous and notorious people, you're like a brother, man.

Like you are, you are like the best guy I've met in this whole crazy thing.

I think you've handled everything well.

You always give, like, you've been a a role model in terms of how you handle people.

You're just giving and selfless, and you're a really good guy, man.

And I've always said that, despite you bitching me out at the beginning of this phone call,

yeah, I do.

Well, you know, I got a buster balls.

Yeah, I know.

I think you're the best, man.

I do.

I've always said that.

And same to you, sorry, sorry to kiss your ass, but it's true.

Again, like I said, it takes a certain person to understand certain things.

And like, you know what I mean?

It's like all of a sudden, you know, you see that, like, you know, it's almost like, again, like, it's the same thing as I see you like a brother, and I'm proud of you and what you do because it's fun to watch from a different standpoint.

Because I, you know, I'm used to being on that side of like, oh, yeah, I autographs of that.

So I love stepping back and just watching.

And I'm like, this is awesome.

This is great.

Well, I love, you know, I love dragging you up.

I love dragging you up and throwing you in front of people because everybody loves you, man.

Everybody.

Anytime.

Anytime you want to drag me up, anytime.

Same for me.

As long as you text me back when you should.

I mean, that'd be nice.

The last text I told him is: I was going to be, I'm sick.

He never even asked how my surgery went, how the sickness went.

Nothing.

I didn't even know you guys.

Wait, hold on.

I didn't even know you had surgery.

Yeah, I talked about it on the cruise.

Dude, okay, really?

Do you think I'm going to remember anything on the fucking cruise?

Not anything, but you know, a surgery, a major surgery.

Sneakers.

So, why did you wait?

So, what happened?

What'd you do?

I just

basically was an old firehouse injury that I had to get repaired in my hand.

I'm in a cash.

Sure, wasn't you tossing off the magazines or something like that?

Wasn't it?

Well, that's the issue I'm currently facing.

You can't touchy, touchy.

Can't touchy, touchy.

It's very lonely.

But what about the other hand?

Yeah, it's like a virgin.

It's no good.

Do you ever sit on it and fall asleep and then the stranger it's called?

I'm going to try that tonight.

I'm going to give it a shot tonight.

I've sat on Q's hand and made him do it to me.

Nice.

Before we go, though,

I have a great opening line for your autobiography.

Ready?

Okay, what is it?

Someone once asked me why another person has to die for me to feel alive.

Who wouldn't keep reading after that?

That's deep, but very profound.

Very nice.

I like that.

All right, buddy, we got to send Q home to bed.

He's got an early call tomorrow.

Oh, you're working tomorrow?

Yeah, you know, I'm always working, bud.

I know.

Again, you got to take a break, dude.

Yeah, we're going to be, you know, we're going to be in Orlando in a couple of weeks.

You're coming to meet us?

What are you doing?

I think so.

If you invite me out, you know that.

It's like March 2010.

I don't know what I might not even be in town.

I think I might be in LA, to be totally honest with you.

I think, actually, and I think that's why I came and saw the Tampa show before the cruise, because I think I'm not going to be out over there.

I'm going to double-check, though.

And if I am or if I'm not, are you there just for the one night?

Just we're in,

I think, West Palm and Orlando.

Well, no, I appreciate you guys

training.

Oh, my God.

I appreciate you guys talking to me, though, and actually inquisitive about the podcast.

I didn't think it was going to make a big wave, and for you guys to notice it, that's a pretty big wave for me.

There you go, man.

All right, homie.

Well, thanks, everybody.

Check out Two Cups of Joe on, I'm sure, iTunes and all that stuff, right?

That's where you're fine.

Yeah, it's on the iTunes engine.

It's on podcast one.

But you guys got to come on my next.

Yeah, awesome.

I want you guys to come on my show as well.

We definitely got some things to talk about.

For sure.

All right.

We'll talk to you soon, homie.

Love you.

You guys be safe.

Have fun.

I love you all.

And enjoy.

And I will be at Comic-Con.

Cool.

Talk to you soon.

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