#400: Makin' Hay 3

I fucked him.

Oh, mmm, deeper.

What a fucking dummy.

What a fucking insufferable dummy.

Do you have the PCP?

Fucking I spit on your grave.

Fuck yeah, man.

I'll cut your dick off in a bathtub, son.

Tell him, Steve Dave.

Is it recording now?

Yeah.

How do you know it's recorded?

Because I can see the things jump.

And plus, I lost the card last week, and now I'm facing non-stop.

Screamy.

The card that the show was on.

Oh, last week's episode?

Yeah.

Just asking a couple questions.

I don't think it's scrutiny.

Well, on top of give Giddem the card afterwards.

Don't even touch the card afterwards.

This is just have a backup.

Let me have the card too.

Nine years.

So we have no episode from last week?

No, we do because I used the GoPro.

So Declan's pulling the.

Oh, what do you think?

The card, like, how do you think you might have.

I have no idea.

No fucking idea where it could be.

I know you're sensitive, but I don't think you should be.

I think you shouldn't have any sense.

It's just

an insurance policy.

There's nothing wrong with that.

We should all show you.

Well, what's the insurance policy?

I leave it for Giddem as opposed to doing it myself?

Yeah.

Well, you both have it.

You're dumping it on your computer and then you give me the card.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I said that's what I would do.

Yeah.

All right, well, let's start the show.

Yeah, so

as we were just talking about, yeah, I lost the card, but enough about me.

I understand that,

well, 400.

Let's look back just for a second before we we start.

It's pretty significant.

It's pretty special.

Yeah.

This is 400

part two.

Part no, it's not.

It's part one.

This is going to be part one?

Yeah.

All right.

I'll cut that part out.

This is 400.

It jumped back and forth.

Last time I checked in, the other part was going to be.

No, this is 400.

Yeah.

Don't leave that in because then that'll ruin the surprise.

I will.

I will.

Well, if Chris Lodondo didn't already ruin it by needing to fucking post,

hey, 400A.

He's like, I'm proud to be a part of 400A.

And then I see people asking, like, what does that mean?

So, as a call out to anyone who's ever on this fucking show, do not fucking talk about it afterwards until we do.

Please, please.

Looking in your direction, Father Lance.

My clock tower.

So episode 400.

I still like it.

Oh, yeah.

Love it.

It's pretty fun.

Yeah.

I don't know what I'd do without it.

It doesn't feel, I mean, it feels like it's not been long, but it also at the same time, in a good way, feels like it's always been around.

I don't know if that makes sense.

I look at pictures from back then and I'm like, oh my God, like, like, my hair was brown.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It still could be.

Mine's still brown.

Yeah, I know.

Well, you know, you got those good genes.

They're all jeans.

Yeah, I think people like,

I would lose all credibility with anything if suddenly out of nowhere I suddenly have brown like well if you try to get it back to your dirty blonde.

All right.

What would be the harm in that?

You think people would be uh would take you down a peg or people?

I can hope they would if Mike didn't go after me for it he should he definitely should

any reason really he should

yeah that's one of many reasons um

all right

Get some GoPro going.

But you don't think you could pull it.

I mean, well, like, who do you care?

If it made you feel better, why would you care?

It wouldn't make me feel any better.

It would probably make me feel worse.

Why?

Because if all of a sudden you, and maybe Mary Beth is like, ooh,

2010 Brian Johnson.

When we're 500 pounds, but at least he has brown hair.

Well, no.

2010 Brian Johnson without the weight.

2010 Brian Johnson hair,

2017 Brian Johnson body.

What a combo.

That's fucking they call that a slobber knocker.

Yeah, that's fucking

Spanish fly, bro.

I show up, I'm like, do I make you honey?

So references from even before 2010.

Now you got to do your beard.

I don't know what you're talking about.

So you got a lot to do, way more than I do.

Well, when she.

Like, it takes me to dye my hair it takes me two minutes for my well actually my wife does it yeah it takes two seconds i don't have that much hair on top of my head so it's like boom boom boom jump in the shower i'm done but you'd be you'd be an all-day process with that beard well she didn't let when we did the um the bigfoot stuff she was concerned frank five rewind only on patreon rewind yes only on patreon if you haven't seen it i i feel for you

i feel for you

like i feel for an old man dying his hair

trying to recapture

but but she

helped you make, put, put the brown in your beard to become Bigfoot.

Did she say anything?

Did anything?

She didn't like it.

No, she's going.

I hope this washes out.

I hope this doesn't stain your beard.

Has she, I mean, do you see her like when you're watching movies?

Is she attracted to guys with white hair and stuff?

Or does she have a thing for silvers?

Yeah, we watched Cocoon the other day.

She was sopping wet to put the rubber sheets.

Yeah.

No, I mean, shockingly, I don't spend a lot of time asking her who else she's attracted to.

No.

No.

Isn't that something like you're like,

you don't talk about old, old flames?

You don't like, you don't like griller like an old Brian Johnson?

Like, who are you with before me?

Or

no one, right?

No one?

No, she refuses to talk about it.

Smart girl.

Well, no, I don't ask her, though.

Like, I never ask her.

I've never asked her.

She doesn't acknowledge anything before it and hates it.

So she bring something up, hates it.

So, like, there's like, even in a negative way.

There's like Mary Beth AB before, I mean, before Brian Johnson and B C

And then AB J.

Yeah, she just doesn't really like never talk about other people because really, why?

Like, what's there to talk about?

Well, I thought that's what that's what guys.

Clearly, I'm the best boyfriend.

They want to know all about the former flames and you know they just want to know what you know

who am i up against who am who am i uh who am i putting the you know the my who am i competing against because all of them are in the wake but i'm the one now so yeah but what if they dumped her oh that's true well i know she got stalked for a while so i'm pretty sure she dumped that one right right i don't spend a lot of time thinking about that there's some guy out there that rejected your girl that's a mature brian johnson did so what about a young brian johnson would he still have the same level of disinterest in,

you know?

I think, like a lot of guys, it's like you'd, I'd want to know, but then not want to know.

Yeah, and then once you told me, I'd judge the hell out of her.

Even though, like, I'm an animal, like

a

real live animal, yet I would judge her.

Like the same guy who's like, I fuck my girlfriend's fucking

mother.

What do you mean?

What do you mean

you had sex on prom night, you fucking pig?

Oh, what a slut.

It's disgusting.

Get away from Sage.

Get away from it.

Yeah, no, maybe, yeah, maybe I've gotten to an age where I'm like, I don't care.

Yeah, I think that's just a mature and

smarter Brian Johnson.

Or just more just like worn down.

No answer will be the answer I want to hear.

As the question

Logan.

uh but i i understand i i heard through the grapevine that uh giddam was subject to some rebuke today by uh boss flanagan oh really is that true boss flogg yeah um and now i got a text last night i'll read you the the text exchange which i i felt ended on a sour note this is with giddem

He writes, so I called out Ladondo on a stance that the Covington kids should be beaten even though the truth is coming out about how they did nothing wrong.

I said, what did he say?

He said, he called Walt and complained that I was bothering him while I was working.

And I said, ha ha, holy shit.

And he says, he couldn't take being shown facts on Facebook and snitched on me to my boss.

And I said, and he wasn't doing it to be funny.

He writes back, why would he go run into Walt?

I write back to break balls.

He just writes, if that's his story, fine.

Now,

because my thing was, I was like, that's actually pretty brilliant of La Dondo if like he called you to be like, Hey, like, break Giddam's balls, tell him to go.

No, no, I was

like, I was furious both ways.

I was furious at both of them, to be honest.

Ladondo would call you.

Yeah, I was furious that Ladondo would bother me with this bullshit, and I was furious at Giddam for fucking doing it.

Well, like when I'm supposed to be doing eBays, right?

So, I fucking blow up all over his ass.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's what I heard.

Uh, well, Mike said, like, when I was talking to Giddam about it, like, Walt was like, Oh, Mike goes, uh, yeah, Walt wasn't in the mood for it yesterday, which I took as like exploding all over

yeah it's just like come on man like we're grown men yeah like come like i don't need to hear fucking like like chris fucking pissing about it like that to me and i also don't and you know and i i'm both of them really annoyed me about it though yeah

i didn't even i didn't even reply to chris though i thought it would have been a i didn't i thought it would have been a genius troll on ladondo's end if he had been like called walt and been like hey here's what's going on like pretend you're mad at him or break his balls or whatever he didn't have to pretend i was i was legitimately mad so if that's what he wanted he got it he it was genius on drugs squeaky wheel there you go

and i said and i almost we thought i was going to see another blow up today too and uh a further rebuke

uh yeah get him wow

i i as a tailor in the parking lot

here with the stash is it like a business that you um

what's it called when you associate with this business?

You're a client?

Yeah, I'm a client.

A customer?

What are they?

How do you say in English,

a client?

So I dropped some jeans off a while ago to get

altered.

And

I have not gotten here early enough to get them in two months.

So if I text Gen, I was like, hey, buddy, could you do me a favor?

Could you go?

Let me just read the text.

I tried a few weeks ago for him, and

they were closed before five.

Yeah, her hours are erratic, for sure.

But however, you know, a friend asked another friend.

He said he would do it.

He said he's into work tomorrow.

This was last Tuesday.

He'll pick him up for me.

Great.

I come and the first thing I say to him is,

oh, hey, bud, what do I owe you for the jeans?

You know what I mean?

And he goes, oh, oh, they were ready?

I go, yeah.

And he was like, I thought you were going to tell me when they were ready to pick up.

And I let it go.

I didn't think you expect me to walk two doors down and check.

But I let it go go because I was like, well, all right, he's doing me a favor.

I don't want to embarrass him in front of Brian and Walt.

But the second he walked out the door, of course.

That's how I looked at him.

I wish you would have.

So I'm just going to read the text.

And this is me asking to get him for a favor.

So I don't want to come down too hard on him.

But

this is it.

But if you can't, he should have just been like, holy shit, I forgot.

Yeah.

If you can just.

He is not a person to take responsibility.

I'm sorry.

I forgot.

Four words.

That's it.

Here's the text.

Tuesday, January 15th.

I need to ask you a favor.

I need to pick up shit at that tailor in your parking lot, but I never get there before she closes.

He,

so that's clear.

He understands.

To me, that sounds like it's ready.

And you said it was what day?

The

what date?

What was it the date?

Tuesday, January 15th.

He doesn't work on Tuesdays.

Right.

So it's nine days later, though.

Sure.

He says, okay, I'm not working today, though, but tomorrow should be fine.

I say, thanks, bud.

That's it.

So, in between those nine days, even if he wasn't sure they were ready, he'd be like, hey, are those jeans ready?

I'm going to be in work today.

Should I pick them up?

Right?

It's simple.

I mean, anything.

Right.

That is at the level of

just,

I don't know if it's inept behavior.

Well, inept is the first part of it.

The blindness, the refusal.

There's two parts here.

Yeah, there is two parts.

It's a multifaceted fuck-uppery.

Next level fuck-uppery.

Yeah, it's frustrating, man.

It is frustrating because

you would think at times like we're doing listings for shit on eBay.

And it's like

the crossed wires and the...

the

assumptions or non-assumptions, you would think like we were like stacking planes

at a fucking airport, like trying to like, you know, air traffic control, instead of being like, is issue 58 of Warlord there?

Or do we have two copies of 57?

I mean, these are like, it's that level of like, like, it's just, it gets frustrating.

It really is.

Is that every day?

It's an you only change like that every day?

Or I get mad?

No, no.

There's days, though, there's some days where it's so good.

And like, like I blew up, I blew a lamp on my car.

And I'm like, hey, can you change that lamp for me?

And he does it.

And it's a great day.

When my purposes serve, it's a great day.

And he saved me a lot of money, probably.

But he probably saved me quite a bit of money.

But I feel like, well, you kind of owe me.

I fucking gave you a job.

Right.

So

I don't, yeah.

Like, I'm washing your back.

You could wash my back and my backside, too.

Don't you post on Twitter on Company Time while you're out there changing my headlight either.

I don't think, yeah, I don't think it's that big a deal because it's not like every day I ask him to like do something like that.

But like, I don't know.

I really wish you would ask me to pick up your laundry.

I wouldn't.

I don't want to bother you.

You're never bothering me.

I'd wash it.

Whenever you need it.

But you would never bother me.

It would take me two seconds.

I'm here anyway, though.

And you know that.

It'll get done.

It'll get done.

Which is the most maddening thing, though, because you don't know if it's going to get done when you ask him to do anything.

Right.

I guess, I mean, I learned that lesson.

This is the same guy that, like, 10 minutes ago was like, episode 400, give him the card.

No, no, no.

Don't you take the card.

I would be in control of the card.

I would give it to the end.

He would give it back.

He would download it or upload it to Declan, and then I would get it back.

And then I would give you the card back.

But then we have it like that insurance card.

It's all over the place.

I mean, you know how valuable 400 is?

This is gold or worth its way.

Yeah, more than gold.

What's more valuable than gold these days?

Still recording, right?

Love.

Oh, shit.

But

these episodes especially with q's schedule they're a lot more valuable than they were in 2010.

so it's a good thing that i started recording this shit with gopros and all that other stuff it would have been lost to the ages but now we have that episode back yeah but i don't you should never i know i know you're feeling a little self-conscious dude for two days i was like i should probably kill myself i'm not even kidding around yeah so but don't feel like if i'm like hey let me have it let me have it too that you you don't have to get like you don't have to get that johnson fucking i'm on the ledge baby yeah the johnson Johnson anger going because well, that was a condescension.

Like, oh, I fucking lost my card in eight months, nine years and I was like,

he eases into it.

I was like,

don't do that to me.

Nine years, I lose one card.

He's like, I can't trust you.

I didn't say that.

I said, hey, man, why don't you give me the card when we're done tonight?

And I'll have get him dump it to Declan.

And

you were

like a porcupine.

Your quills were out.

You were going to shoot one at me.

You're going all over the place.

I don't think there's anything wrong with me asking for it.

I just want to make sure that everything's.

You don't fuck up again.

It's good that Walt has it recently.

Hey, we all fucked up.

Although, like, you had a sort of a major fuck up recently, but you spun it in the gold.

All right.

So, I mean.

So, what did P,

what are we titling this?

Are we letting people not know what it is based off the title?

No, I think we should eventize it a little bit.

We should call it what it is.

Making hay three?

I was thinking making haystory.

Making hay three.

I love that.

Yeah, I like that a lot.

So yeah, we went back

to the well, some might say.

We

might say back to our

finest hour.

Yeah.

Some would argue that that would be a lot of people would argue.

So many people would argue what I found out.

A lot of people would agree with that.

It hasn't been the same since Make and Hay won.

But

to finally get to do a trilogy is exciting, though.

There's a lot of great trilogies out there and a lot of bad ones.

I really hope that

the Make and Hay trilogy in a couple years will be looked back upon like Star Wars level, you know, like episode,

what were the original episodes called?

Episode 9.

4, 6, 7.

New Hope.

4, 5, 6.

4, 5, and 6.

But it could be a Godfather trilogy where people don't even care about 2-3.

No, they care about it.

They care about 2 a lot.

Three, they don't give a shit about at all.

All right, then maybe Mighty Ducks won two and three.

And then

it could have.

Or Beethoven, one, two, and three.

Fair button.

Or five and six.

Any number of animals.

It isn't all that beloved, I don't think.

I mean,

there's been some love for it.

You know, as time went on, people have gone.

I've read and seen some nice things about Making Hate 2.

The first one, the the people we met were showing it's the first time we meet get him no no that wasn't the first time that was in part two was that part two that was the first time we met get him yeah it was oh yeah we didn't oh that's right because there's the footage of him yeah yeah

but that was the the franks right that was yeah yeah

well i mean i felt like um well i don't i i don't i don't really don't feel this way but a lot of listeners do feel like it i guess that's where it all came together and we were off and running from making hay yeah I've heard like, yeah, like, well, that's where we found the footing of the show.

I was like

the dentist experience.

Yeah.

I think it's a worthy celebration for an anniversary to go back to Collingswood.

I mean, we've done big episodes.

Fuck else we can do.

I mean, each time we went there, though,

we go back

as different people, though.

It's true.

Into a different market.

Into a different market.

Because it changes every time, too.

You mean the actual Collingsway?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Some things don't change there, but some things do, much like life, I guess.

But like, you went back as three totally different,

I don't want to say people, but three different, totally stages of your life.

Yeah.

You know, same thing.

That's personally noticeable when you listen to the clips.

Yes, yeah.

The first time you go, he goes there like, you know,

there's no Joker.

So there's no, you know, he's, he's

all of us, all three of us,

Joe Schlows.

He couldn't have even fucked the Eugene's tasties girl if he wanted to.

If he paid for it, he couldn't.

That's how low-end this cocksucker was.

Part two, where we have shows, I think, right?

At least one season, right?

Yeah.

There's a level of like

kind of like,

I don't know, like

the atmosphere is different, though, in part part two.

I don't know if we're as excited to be there as we were in part one.

But in this one, I felt we came in and everybody was really on a

good

feel and flying, not high, but

everybody was.

It was making H2 for me.

There were no dud moments either.

Like, we had fun the whole time.

But as I said, like you going back as three different stages of your life, it was hard for us to go a couple feet without people noticing you and recognizing you and wanting pictures with you right um which is cool when you look back at like just how

in those what was it nine years yeah is it nine years yeah it's going nine years i was gonna go on nine this february or is it a i thought it was nine i think that's what we up

oh no no no maybe maybe the podcast yeah nine years

So it's a cool like little snapshot, all three, but the trilogy is a cool snapshot for the different stages of your life.

Me and Bri, I guess, it doesn't really, I don't know, nothing really changed that much.

We had a show in between two and three.

It went away.

But nobody civilians.

But, I mean, nobody would have even recognized even if the show had been picked up again for that eighth year.

If we were there?

Yeah.

I mean, we got recognized by one lady.

Yeah, so, yeah, but.

Please don't take that away.

But it's been a while since we've done this kind of

format where we play some clips we comment on them and has it been since making a two i think it may have been

or the houston show i don't remember which

well before making a two yeah

um

before we start though i wanted to uh

you know another thing people love little fat news yeah

right chomp chomp

Surely you've heard about this.

An overweight passenger aboard a Taiwanese airliner forced flight attendants to remove his pants so he could use the toilet, then wipe his butt as he moaned in pleasure, according to reports.

Wait, whoa, wait, what flight was this?

This was a Taiwanese flight.

So it's international, it's not

I guess so.

Oh, LA to Taipei.

So

they left LA.

They were heading to Taipei, Taiwan.

The guy was confined to a wheelchair.

He was 400 pounds.

And he told the flight attendants that he needed assistance to use the lavatory two hours into the flight.

I felt that as a flight attendant, removing a passenger's underwear was beyond the scope of my responsibilities.

I think most people would probably agree with you.

Yeah.

They told him that they couldn't help, but he started yelling.

He said, go in there, and he threatened to piss all over the floor if she didn't.

This was an American who did this?

This was, it appears to be an American.

That's what the guy looks like.

He looks like Santa Claus kind of in a wheelchair.

Balding fat guy.

As the this is what she's saying, as the passenger's genitals were exposed, one of my colleagues brought a blanket which I used to cover his modesty.

But he very angrily slapped my hand away saying he didn't want it and only wanted me to remove his underwear so he could use a toilet.

So this dude is having a fetish moment, right?

Yeah, he's usually taking advantage of

his weight and his

so-called handicap to

get someone to wipe his bottom for him to get off on.

All right, you're ready for this, counselor.

The man also insisted that they keep the door open because otherwise he couldn't breathe.

Claustrophobia lends to your argument that he wants people to

see it and experience it.

Now, are air marshals on a lot of flights?

I thought they were

every flight.

An air marshal

says something to me.

Oh, he revealed himself a couple months ago.

Well,

the fucking, like, the

corridor is so filled up that, like, people can't get through.

And somebody was sitting in my seat and the fucking air

flight attendant had told this guy to sit in my seat.

So I'm sort of standing there.

So I put my feet up on the arm and sat on the back of the chair so people could get through.

And this guy comes up he goes excuse me sorry you can't do that you got to get down i said all right sorry i said sorry for uh blowing your cover too so early in the flight

but don't you think the air marshal like especially you're in international waters just blow his head off shoot him just blow that

useless waste to rotate clean like piss or brains like

um well because you know he's going to do it on the on the flight home or if you know or another flight he's going to do this to somebody else though with the paperwork alone i wouldn't want to could you jettison him like blue ice?

A comet of blue ice.

I mean, this is a person that is a fucking assist on humanity, right?

Yeah.

I would say so.

That would be my evaluation.

All right.

Well, you know what?

Why don't you let him hear him in his words before you make your judgments, all right?

So when the chief attendant donned three pairs of latex gloves and began wiping them, he said, oh,

deeper, deeper.

Oh, my God.

And then accused my chief attendant of not properly cleaning his backside, requesting that she do it again.

And then said, you can pull my pants back up now.

Wait, where did you find this news story?

This is

all over.

This is 100% true.

This is 100% true.

It's not the onion.

It's not clickbait shit.

No, this was all over the place.

I would quit, right, Q?

Oh, yeah.

I would be like, I'm a civilian.

I'm now a passenger.

Yeah, I'm now a passenger.

I would just be like, I'm not doing it.

Fire me because I'll sue you.

This is great.

That's crazy.

The one thing that came from it that I was kind of happy was there were a few outlets reported like, you know, the flight attendant is Asian and

the guy, the fat guy, is Caucasian.

It's like, people don't care.

They don't care if a big fat white guy is going to be mean to a little Asian lady.

That's not

going to get people riled up enough, you know?

If it were somebody else, maybe.

Well, he's so mentally ill, I just think off the bat.

Yeah, I think everyone's riled up.

You even hear about it.

How riled up could people be?

If anybody hears about it, they're riled up.

This isn't as big of a story as the fucking staring kid.

But this is a story, though, that's hard to report, though.

This is in the New York Post.

On the family, on the during family hours.

Like at six o'clock, are you fucking kidding me?

This shit is

on TV.

How do you tell this story?

You're like an obese man, basically like wanting people to wipe his ass.

You can't say that on TV.

Well, not wipe his ass, but like, you know, he needed help on that.

Tell me how you report that without being

crude.

Yeah, you know what?

You can't report it because you can't say he's fat.

You can't say that she's Asian.

You can't say any number.

Why was her being Asian matter?

It shouldn't.

No, it shouldn't.

But I'm just saying the way the media is.

They would try.

That would be the twist.

I would have to report it like that, right?

I couldn't just do it straightforward reporting.

I feel like this can't be straightforward reporting because it's so salacious.

It's so deviant that it would only be able to go on like after 11 p.m.

What if you left out some of the

his moaning and groaning?

Like, it's just like he needed, but then it took.

Gratification could maybe be a word you could use.

Gratification, yeah.

You would have to, otherwise, you would be like, Well, what's the story?

He just demanded that someone help him, and then people would be like, Oh, fuck a poor fetch shit.

And then people would sign with that asshole.

You know, that's why you got to throw in that deeper, deeper.

No,

I think you use the word deviant a lot, and that automatically sets up

some bias towards the antennas up.

Yeah, your antennas are up as like you know, that this is not a good dude.

So, on the way you're properly, you got to word it properly, but you cannot tell that story.

Well, you can't say deviant, he could sue you.

No,

fuck yeah, of course.

People sue for everything, man.

I don't think you could sue for that, could you?

I mean, he's a deviant, he is a deviant.

Well, if he did, he had an erection that doesn't say anything about that.

Maybe that was too hot for the New York Post.

Oh, my God.

14 hours it takes.

And he has to use the business class lavatory.

So now you're in business class.

And this dude's fucking

going through the aisle, smashing you right and left.

He's in the wheelchair and shit.

You're an attendant on there, and you got him out of the bathroom.

Okay.

This is in flight.

This is an hour two of the flight.

Okay.

You're out.

He's done.

You feel like the worst is over.

Yeah.

A couple hours later.

I want to use the restroom again.

Do you let him in?

I mean,

chew.

he knows a buddy.

Dirt.

I mean, I guess if I'm

that big of an asshole that I did it the first time, I

imagine doing it the second time.

You didn't do it.

Somebody actually, the low man on a totem pole did it.

Sure.

It's not you.

You've got too many years in.

But do you allow, as a staff, do you make the decision we can't let him go back in here?

Oh, like he's in charge?

We can't do this again.

I probably would have done that the first time.

But the guy's like, if you don't, I'm going to piss all over the floor.

I'll be like, piss all over the floor then.

Then no one can use the bathroom then.

So it's like a Starbucks in most major cities now.

But then you're like, you're saying that the restroom is gone for the rest of the flight then because no one's going to be able to go in there then.

Well, that one is, but there are other.

Well, there's more than there's multiple restrooms.

Well, if he went up to the business class one, one, he wouldn't have been allowed to do that on my watch.

Two, that means that there has to to be one.

How could you stop it, though?

Like, you wouldn't get it.

Within a fucking wheelchair,

but you're expected to give him the pass because he's in the wheelchair and he's let himself get this fat, which is fucking crazy.

That's the exact reason you shouldn't get the pass is because you allowed yourself to loot up to 40.

Oh, so you would say you can't go to business, you got to use the restroom in what

steerage.

Steerage.

Yeah.

Is it smaller than all the worthless Irishmen?

I'm sure it's the same size, I would imagine.

I just feel that.

They are small.

I don't know how a 440-pound guy could even fit into a.

I don't know.

Could they have just, like you said, just closed them in there and kept them in that bathroom?

For the whole flight.

For the whole flight.

FAA rules would not allow that.

And just be like, just strap him down on the toilet so he doesn't, in case there's turbulence.

He's not agreeable, though.

He's not going to sit in a bathroom for 14 hours.

He put everybody in that situation.

Now he's got to fucking deal with it now.

But he's not willing to be punished.

It's like, this guy's in charge.

Everyone's listening to him here.

Like, they've already taken him to the bathroom, so they can't be like, all right.

I mean, what, that's what they should have done.

They should have, like, fucking just closed a door on him, put it like a bar across it.

Yeah, what's it called?

Out-of-service sign right on there and kept locked him in there for the rest of the flight and been like,

you know what?

You call your family when we land and they can wipe your ass.

Yeah.

You fucking disgusting bastard.

I mean, it is like people are, oh my God.

It's gross.

It's like every once in a while you got these people like they're shitting on food carts or like in airplanes.

It's

It's bizarre.

It's the ultimate function.

Like I've seen Q wasted to the point where I'm like, I fear for his

mortality, really.

Not once have I ever seen him come close to being like, hey, you want to see me shit on something?

Like, never.

Well, it's the ultimate drop the mic, though.

It is.

What does anyone say?

What does anyone say after that's done to them?

There's nothing.

That's it.

The lady at Tim Horton's or this one or that one.

somebody takes a shit you're like you got me

you got me they check me

yeah it's fucking it's it's unbelievable man or people who like let their dog shit and if uh somebody says something to them like i saw a lady pick up shit and throw it at a at a guy Because he was like, hey, could you mind clean, like curbing your fucking dog?

She's like, I certainly do.

They throw shit all over the thing.

It's rough.

People are nuts.

All right so that's the fat news i don't know uh i don't know i'm sure everybody's gonna sue and blah blah blah i don't know why she would do it though i don't know why she would do it like why would she be like

how much of a raise is she deserving promotion i her decision-making is so bad that i don't trust her yeah no but she took the she took the initiative she made that bathroom serviceable for other people now throughout the rest of the flight.

She got him out of the, she got, she, she fucking put the fire out in that situation.

Was it?

Now She's crying, fucking throwing up.

Well, here you go.

Um, they now got a vomiting employees.

Like, here's a second, this wasn't on uh New York Post, but many social users have called, uh, social media users have called for the disgusting passenger to be barred from flying or prosecuted for alleged sexual harassment.

I love all these fucking armchair fucking Johnny Cochrane.

It's like, shut the fuck up, let them handle it.

Nobody gives a fuck what your opinion is of fucking fatty shitting there in terms of like real world stuff.

Like, here's like, bar him, because this is what they say.

The fat guy from ever flying on never flying again.

Um,

I agree.

I agree with that.

Can you do that, though?

Is that illegally constitutional?

Well, they said that he had guys fucking proven himself he can't handle flights.

But how would you be able to, how would you be able to like keep him off like a Delta flight?

That's Delta's problem.

This is

Taiwan Airlines.

Let's say he just.

Like a no-fly list?

There's got to be like a no-fly list, right?

You know what?

Put him right on that.

You can't have that guy out there doing that.

I mean,

that's an option, they say.

But it says here he's flown with that airline more than 20 times and mostly without incident.

Maybe just a bad day.

That's a real bad day.

For everybody.

Some people blame the corporate culture of many Asian service sectors companies that insist the customer is always right.

Damn, that's a Russian move.

while ignoring employees' welfare, especially after it was revealed the passenger appeared to be a repeat offender.

So I guess he's done this prior, but mostly he doesn't.

What happens if you're over the ocean?

Yeah.

He's not coming out of there.

You got to get him out.

You got to get him back into his seat.

You've got to do it then.

You got to get him safely back to his seat

and not full of crap.

So he's not sitting next to somebody who has to deal with that.

You got to make it right.

She took, I mean, she...

Fuck.

She's the employee of the year.

Sure.

But what good does it do when she starts suing the company?

She's the employee of the year.

Well, I mean, she better get a fucking big bonus.

Or else I would sue.

Yeah, you're right.

I can't tell I'm torn on this one because you can't turn around and go back.

Why would you do it?

On the other hand, I see your point.

Right?

Like, so

you're over the middle of the ocean and like, you don't have enough gas to go back.

You only got enough to get where you got to go.

And she fucking takes that bull by the horns.

I mean, I guess was Yasni's going to piss himself in the seat.

Well, also, he's not going to go back to his seat if he doesn't, you know, get properly cleaned.

Who's sitting next to that guy, too?

I just sit next to him.

Would you do it?

No, I'd quit.

I would quit right there.

Like I said, I would be like, I'm a civilian.

Yeah.

Where's my seat?

Which one's my seat?

Yeah, I need a seat.

And I'll pay for the first class.

The only sits next to the guy.

It's the last one left.

If it were me, I would

try try to take the plane down so fast it would make the 9-11 guys seem uninspired.

That's how quickly I try to get the battery.

The controls are just right in the ocean.

I'm like, fuck it.

This is where this whale belongs anyway.

What about the rest of the other 200 innocent people on board?

Dude, one of you guys wipe his ass.

That's the only way we're not crashing, is it?

One of you motherfuckers volunteers for this shit.

I'm not doing it.

Well, luckily for those on board, there was one person who was like,

it's got to be done.

yeah whatever it takes part of our culture yeah that is

put a fucking statue of her in the fucking airport that's one culture few people will appropriate the fat ass guy fucking butt wiping culture nobody wants to do that uh so we got some clips we went to uh back to a lot of people were still talking about taking hay they were very excited there

that's the thing though i you know how do mike and ming

process this cue because for years, when people said, What about Making Hay 3?

I was like, Well, Making Hay 3 is taking hay.

I would always tell them that because I wanted to thank them so much for them, you know, helping us out on the cryptozoic man bonus pods.

They'd taken hay, but now taking hay

is now all of a sudden it's non-canon,

it's the chip ghostbusters.

Yeah, I mean, how do they, how do do they process this?

How do they deal with this?

Because for so long they had taken hay was making hay three.

They were really resting their laurels on that.

What else would they rest them on?

I mean, maybe their reaction would be like Leslie Jones's.

She got all pissed off.

Yeah, she's like, fuck this shit.

She was not happy.

She was not happy.

Yeah, I saw an article I tweeted to whoever wrote the article about it where she, because the thing that really annoyed me about this article in Bleeding Cool

the

whoever the author is, the writer, writes, Leslie Jones is, and then in parentheses, understandably super pissed about the Ghostbusters thing.

Then goes on to write just the old Ghostbusters, right?

The new Ghostbusters is going to focus on the old Ghostbusters.

Well, some might just say the Ghostbusters.

Some, some assholes,

but some,

understandably assholes.

but that's but that's where i was like and then she went on just to repeat the facts and i'm but that understandably changes everything now it's just an opinion piece now it's not just reporting it's yeah but it is well it's

but it couldn't be any weaker it's like at least give a real opinion not the times or a wall street journal or something

i look through all of bleeding cool not a fucking peep about this fact guy

uh but i'm just like i don't know why i don't understand like disappointed that i would understand but i don't understand super pissed.

Because what's it based on?

Like, what, but why would you be super pissed?

It would be like if I got super pissed that AMC didn't renew the show.

It's like, well, here are the reasons they didn't do it.

Why would I, I was disappointed, but why would I be super pissed about it?

And I get super pissed about everything.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

So Christ, I'm looking for a reason, and even I wouldn't seize upon it.

I thought her theory was that no one told her from

the studio and they were going to do this, and they didn't let her know.

And maybe she was under the assumption that there was a chance that the girls would would reprise their roles and in an upcoming feature but I guess it was done without anybody like she found out about it in a shitty way tough fucking shit Leslie Jones they didn't fucking send a courier like like your son had died in World War II to your fucking home and fucking tell you like hey did you hear there's a new old new ghostbusters and uh you're not gonna be in it

Fuck her fucker they don't do that with everyone in Hollywood Hollywood is fucking insane these These people are insane.

I've never seen such a crazy fucking town.

Like total narcissists and fucking like entitlement and judgmental at Alyssa Milano.

There's some celebs who would get the

who would get the

proper

respect with like, hey.

Oh, you mean people who've been in a movie that made money and fucking everyone didn't hate?

Yeah,

there are people like that there.

But in the world we live in, do you think it was a misstep by the studio not to just reach out to all the female ghostbusters and be like, hey, this is what we're doing now?

I just want to let you know and not let them read about it.

We don't want your adult feelings to get hurt.

We would hate for that to happen.

Or you get, or you get

this blowback then.

I mean, is it worth it?

I'm sure the studio doesn't want it.

Maybe Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wade got that call.

Yeah.

Those two pulling the bucks.

I think Leslie Jones.

Have you you watched her in Sound Life?

I can't watch Sarah in Night Live.

I can't watch it.

She's funny.

Like, she's funny.

It's like she just wasn't in that.

She was actually my favorite part of that movie.

Was she?

Yeah.

I didn't see it, so I can't even judge it.

We should watch it.

Okay.

We should watch it tonight.

What are you doing?

I should watch it.

I should do a commentary on Space Monkeys on it.

Yeah.

That'd be a great episode.

Yeah, I don't know if I want to do that.

And let me explain that.

We have enough said.

No,

I really am trying this.

You don't want your old friends fucking tweeting you and fucking trying to call you out for fucking saying shit.

No,

I've talked about

not liking me.

Trying to fucking make you look bad.

No, no, no.

It's not an opinion I'm trying to hide.

I just, I think I'm just in a place where I'm like, I don't think I want to.

It's not worth it.

I just don't want to shit on.

Like, there are people that like it.

And if we were sitting across from each other talking, like, I'd love to sit there and be like, this is why I fucking suck.

But I'm just like.

But make no bones about it.

There's a re it's not, it's not.

You could do that on another type of film, but this one's a hot potato.

Right?

I mean, it's...

Why?

Because there's all girls in it.

It's been politicized.

There's no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

That movie has been politicized.

And you.

Yeah, but the problem is the movie is banned.

That's the issue.

And they want to hide behind the pollutants.

That's just an opinion.

Well, I don't even think that they...

Yeah, but it's a pretty popular opinion.

I just think that like they feel...

More popular than you think since the fucking company went and deleted all the negative comments on youtube right for what the the trailer weren't weren't they uh the movie company went yeah i i don't know man like to me i i you i could have that conversation why why i don't like that movie just not fearing that people pull up pitchforks because everything i'm saying is true

yeah none of it is like women aren't funny women can't do that like none of that is it that none of that would be my argument going into that that would have been my argument when we talked about it before the movie came out.

That wasn't my argument.

I said I think the cast is very funny, and then I watched it and I was like, Jesus Christ alive.

Who was the other one?

Who's the fourth one?

It was Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wigg, who Kristen Wigg's genius.

She's a genius.

It's unbelievable some of the shit she does.

She's so fucking funny.

Melissa McCarthy

is so fucking funny.

And I like that Melissa McCarthy became way more famous than Jenny McCarthy.

I love it.

I love it.

Great.

Because

she's not.

Jenny MacArthur was pretty famous, dude.

She was pretty famous, but she wasn't respected.

She was famous because she was showing her tits all over the place.

She wasn't famous because it's like, oh, she's so comedically gifted and her movies are awesome.

Not at all.

But I agree with you, though.

Like, if you're saying, like, I don't want to go take a whole episode to shit on something,

why don't we just take a whole episode and celebrate something I like?

Yeah, I think that's where I am in my life now.

See, I hear let's shit on it.

I'm like, can I be a two-parter?

Yeah.

You're not there at that part of your life.

You may never get there

in your lifetime.

But yeah, there's a level of like,

why waste a whole two-hour episode on something just ripping it apart?

Or like, let's focus on something that gives us joy.

Because, you know, that could be just as entertaining as crapping on something.

Not as much fun, maybe.

I don't know.

I wouldn't know what to say.

I don't want to shit on something people like.

I don't know.

I'm just.

But you got to end life because somebody will always like something that you don't.

Yeah, but I'm not talking about it.

They're going to shit on it.

But I have a...

I'll shit on a 101.

I just think

I have so many more people to shit on because we're talking into a mic and people are listening to it.

And I don't think I want to shit on that many people.

Do you have some wounds that never healed from the

Green Lantern?

fiasco that you went through?

What was that?

When you tweeted about Green Lantern and people were really not happy with you because you didn't like Green Lantern?

Oh, I don't even remember that.

Yeah, you did.

You were

didn't history bail me out?

It did.

It did.

But like, I wondered if you were maybe a little bit less likely now to.

No, this is recent.

This is this is a very recent thing.

I'm just trying to be a little more positive and trying to

be that's basically it.

I think I've wasted too much time giving a shit about other people's

nonsense.

This sounds scary.

I'm going to have to hang out with you a little more.

I don't like the sound of that.

No,

when you say trying to be a little bit more positive, it's not about being a little bit more positive.

It's just focusing more on things you like.

It doesn't mean that you still don't like shit or hate shit.

It just means

you're not giving it its...

There's no point.

They're not going to remake the 2016 Joyce Pluses to suit my tastes.

So there's no point in worrying about it.

But what if you genuinely like shitting on things?

And that is what we're going to do.

Yeah, well, then you're that type of person, though.

yeah but as as like as you as q has said though i mean you get to a place in your life where like you know there's only so much time left not for you q i mean

i don't know you're all of us stroke it out every two minutes

why waste it

um hating on something

I think there's room for, I mean, I don't think you should just be a hate tank fucking like scorched earth for the rest of your life, but if you don't like something, and it's like, I find myself like

tweet, like writing a tweet and then being like, you know what?

Fuck it.

Fuck it.

Because, yeah, because I'm either not in the mood to like get into it with people that I know are going to want to get into it, or I'm just like, who gives a shit?

Who cares about this thing?

So I do it here and there.

But then sometimes, like that Leslie Jones thing with that lady, it's not even about Ghostbusters.

It's about the lady inserting her opinion and then not backing it up with anything.

Well, it's her opinion, I guess.

Like, even if she had the inside scoop of like, of like the studio didn't call her, and that's what she's upset about.

I used to read Bleeding Cool.

Something happened in the past three years

where everything on Bleeding Cool is political.

Everything is related to, it's just everything's like exactly understandably upset.

Everything's like this fucking annoying, like, oh my God, I

just

the political comments they pepper through every article about comic books.

I won't read anymore.

I just don't want it.

I don't want, I don't read movie reviews anymore because it's never about how good the movie is.

It's about the fucking politics behind it, the politics behind the casting,

who feels offended by the movie.

And I'm just like, I don't care.

I don't care.

Why aren't they focusing on joy?

Why aren't they just focusing on how good the fucking movie is?

No, but he's right though.

Yeah.

Like,

why is there a need to

magnify those things that like he's talking about rather than focusing on what's good about it, what's bad about it, without having to explain why it's good or why it's bad in terms of under for a 2019.

Well, what you're talking about is somebody looking for something rather than it just like

it may not even necessarily be there, but they want to twist the narrative and weave it in there.

Yeah.

So, so they're seeing things that like sometimes you see a like a review of a movie or like a breakdown of a movie, and it's like, maybe this is true.

Like that room 237

um about the shining like some of these theories are like out there yeah you know about like he meant this and he meant this and really nobody knows what kubrick meant and the same thing with these comics like these are just people who are dissecting something that and it may not necessarily be there but like you say they just they gotta put it in there i don't understand people who are obsessed with politics it's so boring this is so fucking boring it's all anybody talks about like remember when uh emma stone did that movie where she helped the black ladies out the help No, no, no.

Where she was supposed to be, she lived in Hawaii and she was supposed to be part Asian, and everybody went nuts because

she was playing an Asian woman in the movie, and people were going nuts because she's a white actress.

But the character was not supposed to be able to pass as Asian.

The character's issue was she looked like a white girl.

So people are like, well, that's whitewashing for casting Emma Stone in it.

And I was like, but isn't the character?

Like, I thought the point of the character was that she doesn't look Asian.

I just didn't get it.

And like, when everybody just went nuts on that, I was, that might have been the last time I paid attention to like movie reviews and shit like that.

That happened with,

what's her name?

Oh, shit.

She's going to play a transgender girl.

Scarlett.

Scarlett Johansson.

Is it Scarlett Johansson?

Yeah, another one.

And,

you know, people shouted it down to the point where they're, okay, so they're not going to make the movie, at least with Scarlett Johansson.

They were given Walter White shit with

Brian Cranston about playing the guy with MS or something in a recent movie with Kevin Hart.

And it's like, look, fucking dickheads.

These are people that are going to bring it's a business.

It's about money.

It's not about fucking civil rights.

It's not about equality.

It's not about fucking social justice.

It's not about any of these things.

The reason that fucking Cranston is in there and not a fucking real person with MS in a wheelchair is because Cranston is a draw.

That fucking person doesn't exist.

The transgender who's going to put asses in seats like Scarlett Johansson does not exist.

The movie's not even being made.

No, it's not even being made.

That fucking dude who's like, oh my God, I have Scarlett Johansson attached.

And then it's like, well, not anymore because a bunch of transgenders think that the only person who can play a role.

It's not, you know what?

But it don't say it's only transgenders.

It's people who aren't transgender or outraged too about it.

No, no, no, that's what I mean.

Somebody who's saying like transgender, like the only person to play that role is a transgender.

Yeah, I'm not saying transgenders are saying that.

I'm saying that yeah, probably no transgender.

Maybe a couple.

Maybe they're like, it's ma'am.

I don't know where you draw the line.

Like if you if you start drawing lines that

only a person of a type can play that type in a movie, like if you draw that line once, like why you have to draw that in everything then.

And to me, it's like, well then, it's the same thing with like cultural appropriation where I was like, well then how come everybody loves the Thor movies?

Like, how is that not appropriating Norse culture?

Well, I mean, because it's.

But that's what I'm saying.

Once you make the rules, those are the rules.

But then when they backfire, then I like the rules.

Well, that's what it is.

This is why I just check out our reading sites like that, because I'm just like, all right, well, if somebody's going to like, I just.

What are the fucking rules?

You know where there are no rules and no political

stop signs and

billboards?

Collins one.

That's right.

That's where it is.

Time stood still.

Time stood still.

Oh my gosh.

Somebody's very regressive.

Yeah.

Yeah, it is still a place where there's a certain type of clientele that

you can expect to see.

Not bad.

No, no, I don't.

Not bad.

I wouldn't say clientele.

I thought you made goods, and there's a certain level of expectations of like

of old-fashioned

What's it called when you're buying and selling things commerce commerce.

Yeah, it's just you know what do I do again

You know, there is no like you don't there's nobody with one of those

with their phone with like one of those little slides You know, there's no square.

There's no merchant with a square.

Oh, no, no, no, right.

There's a cigar box with fucking dollar bills and coins.

Some ratty foes.

Yeah, these are people who do not want a paper trail for the most part.

But yeah, it's interesting.

It's a place like a diner is in there.

Yeah.

And you can get a haircut.

Like, there's a black barber shop.

Pickles.

Pickles.

There's a black.

There's a barbershop there?

Yeah, there's a black barbershop in the back.

You mean a black?

There was like a couple black guys.

I remember that.

Yeah, yeah.

There was like a music.

There was a little music section next to them, too.

And they were real barbers?

Yeah.

Or they just had like barber, like prop, like no, it was just a black guy with scissors like coming after me.

No, it was a fucking barber's.

It was like a regular haircut in place.

Yeah, it's

if, like, when you walk in, if like you're facing Tina X's booth, it's all the way to the back and to the right.

Yeah,

I'm not positive that they just weren't selling like an old barbershop pole and you thought it was a barbershop.

Yeah, that could be.

Where'd that card go?

Where'd that card go?

I'm fucking retarded suddenly.

Nothing to do with a missing card.

It may just just happen to be you saw something and you made it up in your head.

Is it possible you just didn't see it?

Is it not possible?

Rather than I imagined it.

Q didn't see it either.

What do you want from me?

I'll go back.

Wait, what's tomorrow?

Are they open tomorrow?

No, they're not open tomorrow.

I'm going Saturday.

I'm going to report live.

There was stuff missing.

There's no more magician.

There's no more.

Oh, yeah.

Life does go on, even though

you think life's the same.

for the same thing.

We can't be sure of that for the magician.

He seemed pretty depressed.

But sadly, you know,

booths open and booths close.

So

there's definitely a factor of like, you know, people's livelihoods

have ended since we have been there.

Right.

Which is sad to think about.

But, you know, it's not like it's some sort of Shangri-La, though.

I mean, they're the same

things apply to them that apply to the real world.

Going back, like, you know, we recorded a lot of stuff.

I went back and I took the choice cuts, you know, the clips and stuff.

And that's one of those things where, like, when people talk about how long the booth has been there, how long they've been there, and I'm like, oh my god, how the fuck can they do this?

Like, how can they do it?

That's where we're different on different planes of existence.

Well, I can tell.

There's something you say in this that I'm like, I'm the crazy one.

I'm the crazy one.

You hear someone say, oh, it's been 70 years.

Yeah.

I am

enamored and

just I am just like, I'm all in.

Like, I am so captivated by that because I start to think, like, you know how long 70 years?

You can't even like, you can't even measure 70 years.

We can't do it.

Right.

It's so hard to figure out how long 70 years is.

And I start to think,

what was the worst moment?

Like, did they ever have a moment where they're like, we might have to close the stand?

My guess for a lot of them would be the fire.

Yeah.

There's a moment, like, yeah, do we go back and restart after the fire?

Do we rebuild?

And there's that, it's, like, almost like pioneers.

They're so, like,

they just can't be broken.

They're rustic as fuck.

Yeah, that's true.

And yeah, there's like an admiration in there.

And there's like a certain level, too, that they must have of pride and.

a little bit of assurance though that like hey man we've been here for 70 years

we're not going anywhere.

Like, you know, the shit may go.

Suck it.

Yeah.

But that's, that's an arrogance they can't afford to have.

No, but like, is there a level of like, like, comfort?

Like, is there like a safety net for those people who have been here 70 years?

It's like, hey,

stands come and go.

Trends, you know, come and go.

But like, we've been here selling our wares for 70 years.

We may last another 70 years if this place is still here.

Right.

Well, is there a like, do you like?

I mean, just to clarify, no one there has been working there 70 years, talking like some booths and stuff.

But it's been in the family for 70 years.

Right, right, yeah.

And there's

you see that as a death sentence.

You see that as something to be like, how could you do it?

Yeah, I see it as just like, it's captivating.

It's just like enthralling to me.

I'm like, how do you...

Because you're watching it from the outside.

If you were sitting there cutting foam for the past 25 years, I don't think it'd be like.

Fucking every day is a fucking new adventure.

But when the economy starts to go south, though,

you people still need foam.

They still need foam.

There's a lot of shit in that place.

People do not need

a lot of stuff.

And I would be scared if I was those people.

But

the foam person, though,

they may have figured it out.

And there may be a level of

security there that

we can't really identify with, though.

because it's 70 years.

That's impressive shit.

It's interesting that a business would go on that low.

That part I like, it's the actual day-to-day where I'm like, how do you do it?

And like what you say about places that are like, oh, should we reopen?

I think that about restaurants a lot.

When I see a restaurant opening, I'm like, that's the ballsiest move a business person can make, I think, because so many fail.

But as you're sitting there and the food you bought, nobody's buying and it's going bad, you got to chuck it and all this other shit, that day that you're like, we just can't do it anymore.

Yeah.

Just can't do it anymore.

What the fuck does that feel like?

It's got to Well, it's got a terrible.

I mean, I feel like we at the Stash are on that

slope closer to the end than we are to the beginning.

I mean, I see less and less people coming in on a regular basis.

You know, Christmas wasn't that great.

January's been rough.

Is there a room in the economy for a comic book store when comic books are $4.99 a pop now?

It's very, very difficult

for people to afford comic books anymore.

Yeah, there probably isn't any room, but you know what there is room for patreon.com/slash televis deep date where you get all kinds of awesome shit at your fingertips.

You don't got to go to some slimy fucking auction to get it

rub elbows with the

glasses,

the untouchables.

All right, so we so we went back and the first place we stopped was a

weapons.

Weapons place.

Well actually the first place we stopped was a jewelry place, but for some reason it didn't record.

So

the weapons place was next.

And

I bet you.

You're into weapons.

Yeah, I like weapons.

Cue you into weapons?

I like a good weapon, yeah.

I don't own any weapons.

No.

What are you going to do if somebody

breaks into your house, threatens your family?

Well, I have knives, but I wouldn't call a knife a weapon.

I have steak knives and I have like a cutlery.

Yeah, you don't keep near your bed, for instance.

No.

No baseball bats even near your bed?

No.

You don't have a shower knife.

So no, I've never been a weapons person.

I know there's dudes who are like heavily into knives and collect guns and all that stuff.

Yeah, it's been, it's not because I don't know why.

Yeah, I've just, it's kind of like cars to me.

Like there's been guys I grew up with who are into cars.

I've never been into cars.

So yeah, I've just never been into weapons, but obviously uh

it's definitely something where you can make a living off of selling weapons yeah yeah i mean there are people knife collectors and like that that's i mean

i don't know it's like what's your favorite weapon oh i bet if i were younger i'd be more into it you know like you're going there you can get a knife and or yeah

Do you like the old-fashioned gun?

I guess I was about to say, like, the old police revolver.

Or do you like that thing that has electricity coming out of it?

The taste yeah like a little nice little tap i mean if i was gonna i probably my favorite weapon if i'm gonna pick one maybe a shotgun i like a shotgun yeah it's hard to wreck house

around though you can't like sure you can where are you gonna keep that what is that about your bed

uh well i have a closet right near my bed it could rest right in there

with i have no kids

what about some bear spray uh you know that could be fun i guess if you get the right guy in the eye with it

yeah instead of yourself yeah i don't know i was if i had to choose one yeah like if i was like you must keep a weapon in the house i probably would go with like shark or bear spray

huh why

because i feel

non-lethal and uh some motherfuckers in your house and you don't

well what if i what if could you blow away someone in front of your kid

oh yeah it's dependent upon if it was if i felt like our lives are in danger yeah but let's say i made a mistake let's say it's the ups guy just sure why is he in your house

i didn't realize he was in the house my wife invited him in, and I didn't know.

And all of a sudden, I come down and I blow his fucking head off.

I mean, it sounds that's not the scenario I was thinking.

I was thinking more like you're sleeping, you hear someone in the house.

It's not the middle of the day.

But if I have my bear sprayed, oh, like, hey, he'll get better in a couple hours.

I mean, I guess if you're talking about during the daylight hours, sure, but

I'm talking about like the real bad actors in the middle of the night, you know.

I keep a gun by my bedside, just in case.

I figured as much.

I haven't had to use it yet, though.

Well, my alarm system makes me feel really good.

Not to shoot anyone.

Have you tried the gun

on the new Mrs.?

Yeah, we talked about that.

Oh, have we?

Okay.

Yeah.

She enjoys it just as much as...

She requested it?

What happened?

Requested it.

Requested it because she heard the tales of.

Yeah, she heard about all the shenanigans, and she was like, hey.

Has she requested it after that initial request or it was just a one-time thing?

No.

Well, like sometimes I'll just pull it out randomly.

Without telling her?

Yeah.

I think it's a little more.

Like so she doesn't have to request it.

You know how it goes, Walt.

No, actually, I don't know how it goes.

So if you were to.

Why did you pull that bear spray?

See, that would be interesting if you sprayed Debbie with bear spray.

Why the fuck?

Come on, you got it.

There we go.

Now it's working.

Now it's working.

Okay.

Oh, so is your guy back in the Super Bowl?

Tom Brady.

Or are they just

so it's not just the playoffs anymore?

Now it's the Super Bowl.

It's the DB all-end all, yeah.

Tom Brady's in the Super Bowl.

And it's the Tom Brady's versus the Rams.

The Rams.

And it's expected that they got to run over the Rams, right?

No, no.

Really?

No, I don't think so.

I think the Rams have a very good shot.

Oh, that's not what I've been hearing.

I mean,

I mean, he lost last year.

I mean,

he's not unbeatable.

No.

But he's a damn god so pliable i saw i saw someone uh he's a goat there were some people trying to uh shit on tom brady oh they always will it was a new shirt a pliability shirt or whatever oh he was like marketing himself yeah i guess so and when i read it

when i read it i was like next puck nuts maybe i can bring this to puck nuts and i was like that's not even worth mentioning so what he's selling a shirt so fucking what it's like people think people are just gonna hate well people think also it's just like he has enough money yeah

then nobody has to fucking buy it.

Who is anybody to tell anybody you have too much?

Alexandria Cortez, Ocasia.

Well, no, I mean,

whatever her name is.

I don't think she's telling somebody that they don't need to earn more, but they're just saying, she's saying that once you get it to a certain point.

You know what?

We're in Collingswood.

There's no political talk in Collingswood.

This is what they...

spray bear spray at you if you talk political in collingswood that would be good yeah political talk will result in a bear spraying

so do we remember the guy's name who we're talking to here?

I think he introduces himself.

I can't really recall.

Okay.

Let's see.

Sure.

Okay.

What's the name first?

Cutting edge weapons.

Cutting edge weapons.

All right.

We started last year in 1981.

I also are owner of the Pickles and Pretzel stand.

We've had that.

The business has been here 62 years.

Oh, wow.

So 62, yeah, that's what we just talked about.

Pickles and pretzels.

Well, pickles has been there, not pretzels, right?

Pickles has been there 62 years.

Talk about direct opposites, though.

Weapons has been there one year, and pickles has been there 62 years.

It took them 60 years to open.

It's like, okay, I'm going to open up a second stand.

Well, no, no.

I think the pretzels is a diversification.

That's what I'm saying.

It's a pickle stand and the pretzel stand and now a weapons stand.

I don't think the pickles or pretzels are the same thing.

I don't give a fuck

who it says otherwise.

Any fucking country that has a pickle and gun stand, that's a good country.

And that's America.

That's fucking America.

Barbershop or not.

You know, fashionable barbershops notwithstanding.

Now, as a person who doesn't eat pickles and really doesn't eat pretzels, do pickles and pretzels, are those a combination of what people eat a lot together?

No,

that's why I'm saying they're not a combination.

They're not even separate stands.

So there's three stands.

That's what I'm saying.

Okay.

All right.

Yeah.

But no, I would not,

I love pickles.

I'll fucking eat pickles all the time.

I would not pair them with pretzels.

What about the other one that looks like a pickle?

Do you like those two?

Cucumbers?

Yeah.

Well, cucumbers.

That's what a pickle is.

It's just a cucumber that's been pickled in brine.

Oh, okay.

So you'll eat.

So you'll eat.

I thought there were two separate things that just looked slightly similar.

No, no.

It's like like the grape to the raisin type.

Is a banana a cucumber?

I've seen green bananas.

Is this a microphone a cucumber?

It'd be easier if we just called everything cucumbers, man.

Did you.

Would you be somebody that could be seen like walking around Staten Island just eating a pickle?

Yeah.

Yeah, just like walking around like it was a candy bar?

I would not be afraid of that.

Not afraid, but like how.

I would not be afraid to

Photoshop.

No, I'm saying, like, are you that into pickles where you eat them as like snacks, like, like as, let's say, as often as like an apple or a.

Oh, more than an apple.

Okay.

Yeah, I wouldn't maybe.

What's your favorite snack?

Do you find yourself walking down the street and eating something that often?

I want to eat it on the go, but

at home, I would eat it quite often.

I had lunch at work, you know, when I order lunch.

What's your favorite snack?

Popcorn.

Okay, so

that's not an on-to-go snack either, then, huh?

You gotta have to sit down and make popcorn.

Yeah, well, you could buy a bag of it, I guess.

So, you've been here, how long have you been here?

Now, a little over two years.

So, in the East.

Did you know Dennis the magazine guy?

This is the first of many mentions of Dennis the magazine guy.

Yeah.

Yeah, we tried to.

A lot of people have very fond memories of him.

Right.

Yeah, for those listening,

Dennis is not at the flea market anymore.

He's probably been retired for close to four years at this point in 2018.

We went back in late 2018 here.

Yeah, his boots have been taken over by

foam, right?

Yes, there is a

where his where his comic and magazine stands once stood now is a foam place.

Yeah.

Well, the foam guy just absolved it.

Well, I took that picture because there's those signs.

His poor, poor sign.

Yeah.

Yeah, there was remnants of Dennis's old sign were still hanging there.

You can still see it painted over crudely.

Oh, no, actually, it was painted over and then, like, wallpapered over, and I ripped the wallpaper down, remember?

Yeah, that's like, that's like fucking like Cold War shit, what you just did right there.

No, he's like, not this kind of propaganda.

People are taking a political stand against Dennis.

This is Collins, but god damn it.

I'm not going to let them bury his legacy.

I won't.

Yeah, there it is.

I'll post this when the episode gets released.

Oh, it's mattresses.

Yeah, you're a close foam mattress.

Probably

Casper.

But there it is.

Yeah.

I mean, right now, that's the only artifact that's still there to prove that it was there.

To prove that he was there.

It's the only evidence he ever lost.

And

that's not solid, man.

That is the most tenuous fucking.

I mean, you should go there.

If you're listening to this and you maybe are visiting the Stash or you're coming to New Jersey and you're like, I'd like to see Collingswood, you should do it now while that's still there because you don't know how long that remnants of Dennis' sign are still going to be there.

Yeah.

A bored and eager maintenance man could erase it like that.

Well, that's what I mean.

Like, what's a cold cocksucker painted over?

Well, I mean, time marches on.

It's like, you know.

Well, how long has he not been there?

There's a duke.

You paying rent on that spot.

How obligated are you to keep Dennis's?

Yeah, but I mean, history, man.

History is a lot.

But

Q definitely has a soft touch for history.

His place, there's certain things he did with his new place that are very cool from a historical perspective.

And I'm talking nearly 100 years.

Yeah.

Very cool stuff that he did in his new place.

Yes.

He is somebody that will respect the history and not want to.

no, there's nothing I can add to anything that's better than what came before.

Yeah, and I'm talking about like

a guy who had signed something in what 30s?

Yeah,

yeah, 40s, 40s.

The 40s.

And you did something with that, like you'd signed a stud or something like that.

Yeah, but we, I, I, when we pulled down the wallpaper, um, there was uh

a guy's signature and name and address and stuff who had hung the wallpaper.

And you know what I like about you?

It's not just that you're like fucking covered up.

You then investigate what goes on.

I found out his house.

I found out where the guy was buried.

And then I framed the wall.

Like I put up, I painted.

I love this guy.

Except for what the signature is, I just put up

a frame bolted to the wall to display the guy's signature.

That's what they should do.

They should do something like that for that remnants of

they should just like they should like deem that a historical

spot

in that town and be like, that can never be touched.

I couldn't agree more.

You could probably make that happen with your platform.

Yeah, you think so?

Do they give a fuck?

Yeah.

Can I just take a minute to

tell everyone about history and its importance?

Like, sure, you can knock down statues that have stood.

You can destroy mommy.

I'm getting out the bear spray.

I think I know where this one's going.

But none of that stuff matters what matters is Dennis's half-son

if I'm gonna be completely honest like I could give a shit what statues they pulled down it doesn't matter to me for some reason covering Dennis's legacy offends me as well it should yeah because it's meaningful on a personal level Right.

Whether fucking Stonewall Jackson has a statue means nothing.

I couldn't tell you what Stonewall Jackson did.

He might have been in the North Side.

I might have picked the wrong fucking guy right here.

He fought in a war.

That's what I know.

He's got a cool nickname.

He stonewalled someone at some point.

But let's not be quick to condemn the people who covered up Dennis's sign-up because they may just be ignorant.

They may just not know.

And so they need to be educated.

You're right.

You're right.

Possibly.

They may know.

I'm not saying they don't, but there's a possibility they don't know.

They're like, no, I know.

I just don't care.

I just don't even know why we're having this conference.

Nor does anyone else.

Wait, but you're talking about the guy that had 50,000 cat magazines, and you want me to, well, I'm paying rent here, and you want me not to move that signal?

We're supposed to immortalize.

So I can't put my own sign up

in favor of his half-sign

that a famous guy recollects from his one-of-two times here.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Absolutely.

I don't know why we're on this conversation.

I'm sorry for inconveniencing you.

Yeah, yeah, he was on the other side of the building at one point.

Do you know whatever happened to him?

Don't know.

No, I think he just closed up retired, though.

Do you have any

fond memories of Dennis?

Yeah, he was a good guy.

I mean, he had a lot of nice stuff inside.

I mean, a lot of age stuff, too.

All right, that's how you know he did not know him at all.

A lot of nice stuff.

Unless he's taken like sort of the Q

approach to things, right?

And what would that Where he's like not going to shit on anything.

Like, he could easily be like, oh my God, that shit fucking sucked balls big time.

Well, this weapons guy, he knows he's got a new stand here and he knows the game.

He's like, he's not going to, he's doing an interview.

He has no idea who's going to hear it, so he's not going to

give anything but the pat answers, the right answers.

Right.

His publicist told me to give.

Yeah.

He was like, this is a little too political for me asking if I remember Dennis.

No one remembers nothing.

We had heard that the women of the flea market all kind of had crushes on Dennis.

This was one of my favorite things of this whole, like going back and chopping up the clips, is Q starting this

legend, yes, this bullshit legend of Dennis being a ladies' man.

And at one point, he's talking about him slaying pussies.

Some kind.

I'm trying to help Dennis's legend.

Well, we lost the jewelry store, right?

Interview, you said.

But that woman admitted that she thought Dennis was attractive.

Oh, that's where I put the bug in your ear.

Well, I asked her.

I said I had heard.

And then when I struck a little gold,

that's what made me go ask everybody.

But she said he was attractive.

She said she thought he was a good looking guy.

And do we remember how long Dennis was there?

I thought it was like 40 years.

Or his, the booth was there 40 years or something.

He took took it over.

If you had to lay,

what would be a significant bet for you at this point?

Like $1,000?

A billion dollars.

But $1,000 hurt to lose a bet?

Yeah, of course.

Okay.

I wouldn't even bet $1,000.

If you bet $1,000.

I'd do like $100.

How many nights he went home

with someone based at that flea market?

Is zero an acceptable answer?

Because

I think the maximum one.

One.

Yeah, but zero.

And he wasn't even 100% sure it was a lady, but he's like, fuck it.

Fuck it.

It's been 40 years.

Yeah, I just don't think it's the...

I mean, we romanticize this place and we build it up to mythic proportions, but I just don't think it's the like.

It's the meat market we've all been told it is?

What are you talking about?

I didn't have any.

Like, it's the danger.

It's like, it's not the Club 54 or fucking flea market.

No, no, no, it's not.

It's not.

Dennis is coked out.

Somebody's blown him in the bathroom.

No, I would like to believe it was like that in the 70s.

He's got coked dick.

It looks like one of his magazines.

Like, up and down the aisles are like

people roller skating movies

in the 70s.

All celebrities.

Oh my God, Elton John's at the concert.

You know, Elton, Dennis, Dennis,

I kind of think it was a lot quieter.

You know, that famous painting of like the dead celebrities at that time.

If just somebody out there can do that with celebrities at fucking Collinswood, that would be amazing.

And Dennis, if they know what he looks like.

Yeah.

Oh, God, that would be so funny.

They will know what he looks like because

premiering in February is the Make and Hay documentary.

No way.

This is the first I'm hearing.

So we will see what Dennis looks like in mid to late February.

And 13%ers can vote like,

let's say you had a couple drinks and you were lonely and Dennis propositioned you.

Dennis didn't strike me as having much game, but I guarantee if you have a booth there, you could pick up a girl.

Why?

Why would you?

I guarantee that.

Yeah.

What is it like?

How many people come in there?

You think like a guy, like a store owner, a business owner couldn't like, if a girl came in enough and he like chatted her up, you think it's impossible to bring someone home from the auction?

Well, first off, I don't want to sound,

I don't want to get anybody angry, but

in the 70s and 80s, do you think a lot of females were going into fucking Dennis's booth?

Or do you think it was just a lot of nerds?

No, it was mostly nerds and young guys and shit.

I mean, I don't even know which way fucking Dennis wins.

So, I mean, who am I?

Maybe he fucking

he got so much ass, it was nuts, but it just wasn't lady ass.

Which would be, I mean, you know what?

Let's hope that that was the case then.

Whatever, yeah, let's hope that Dennis Butt fucked tons of guys that he picked up at the auction for whatever reason.

The man was gay, I have three wishes.

I would hope that he, like, a certain man who put in those kind of hours, that kind of legacy,

he deserved to be swimming in the game.

He deserves all the man buns that if you want, if you liked it, right, if he liked it, yeah, he deserves whatever his heart desired.

Fleur de Lis.

All right, um,

was the story we're uncovering now?

Very well.

Maybe that's why he took off.

Yeah, he's got too many kids running around the office.

Yeah, Lily said

he was a very good-looking man.

Okay.

And that the ladies here swooned about him a little bit.

Could be.

Not my style.

What do you think he meant by that, not my style?

That he wouldn't be able to judge a man's

appearance.

Like, he wouldn't be able to weigh in because he's so heteral.

Right.

Okay.

He's old school, though.

He's like, what do you think I'm a phag like dentist?

Oh, you think that's what it was?

Oh, yeah.

I just thought he was like, because that's another thing that struck me as we were, like as these clips go on.

We almost never identify ourselves or what we're doing.

We just start asking people questions with a phone.

And usually people are, there's one guy who is not very receptive, which is awesome.

But I thought we did.

Most people are receptive.

Like the store owners, here and there.

Not everyone, though.

Okay.

Yeah, not everyone.

And then some people, like the comic book guy, he already knew who,

you know,

who we were.

Let's see, 126.

You know, we're important people.

What is it that most people come in?

What kind of weapon is your best seller?

Pretty much a pocket knife, that kind of thing.

And then those that want to protect themselves, whether they had a situation before, whether it's a stun gun or something else.

Could you stun somebody

sure would you prefer the taser or the stun taser yeah keep your distance

and you might because you run into the risk of like one of these guys that are like on the edge and they stick a taser into him and it's almost exclusively black guys that are like mountains and the the cops will taser him and he like tears him out of his chest and he just keeps coming

we were gonna we there was a an offer uh that day for one of us to be tased you know nobody would no one would pick up the gauntlet though.

No.

It's so much the game funny.

Well, yeah, at one point when we're at the pickle store, you like Walt said he'd eat a pickle if you got tased.

It didn't seem like a good trade-off.

Nah, not at all.

I kind of want a taser gun.

What's the best taser gun?

Well, the taser is one that projects.

Stun guns, the one you make contact.

Okay, so that the police is the one that it will use.

Mostly our business owners will use the taser.

It shoots at about 20 feet.

It'll attach the assailant, and then as long as you keep pulling the trigger, the more of the electricity will keep bolting until he goes down.

How did you get into weapons?

I just, like I said, saw an opportunity, got online.

I'm a retired banker 35 years.

That's not something you really think about, right?

Like what people did prior to.

Like, you look at them and you're like, this is your job.

This is your entire life.

They were hatched to your.

Yeah, exactly.

So you look at a guy who selled weapons and you kind of make a judgment, right?

Yeah, that they've been selling him forever you know not that he was once a respected banker he didn't say respected he just said banker yeah that's true but let's give him the benefit of the doubt

i mean he did it for 25 years 35 yeah it was it was lengthy time so maybe you know it sounds like a nice retirement doesn't it it does i don't know if i want to sell weapons though it just feels like it's not the

there's only a limit like that's i don't say niche but like it's not a stand that everyone comes up to sure yeah you have to be in the market for you don't browse there unless you're like maybe i'd buy a weapon or you're a bored young kid yeah weapons i mean i would fear that i would attract the the kind of like you know the the people that buy weapons

a lot of this shit's just decorative yeah that's true it's hanging on a wall and shit samurai sword yeah that kind of stuff nichelle was real into that the showrunner for uh comic book man Yeah.

I remember him texting me.

It would be like two in the morning.

He's like, do you think I should get this guitar?

It's like a $2,000 store.

I'm like, I don't know.

I mean, are we...

Put on his wallet.

To put on his wall.

He loves it.

Yeah, he loves that kind of shit.

Great, man.

You know, I'm pretty tech-savvy with computers and whatnot.

So I said I saw an opportunity, got out there, started from scratch, and every day, a lot of hours searching decent stuff out, you know.

So even he has to go look for shit.

Managing inventory.

He says he's tech savvy.

I wouldn't think you need to be, you would need to be tech savvy when you're selling fucking weapons.

Yeah, why did he make that boast?

I don't know.

He never brought home a lady.

Pretty tech savvy.

Yeah.

I don't know if you.

There's nothing sadder than an old white guy being like, I'm pretty tech savvy.

Like, that's...

As an old white guy, you're supposed to be like, I'm befuddled and I don't give a fuck.

Just show me how to do it.

I don't need to know.

You're better than me.

Fine.

Just please.

I don't care.

You think you're not going to be in my shoes one day?

Oh, you're not going to stay on top of it.

I used to think I wouldn't be in my shoes.

Oh, yeah.

Here I am in my shoes.

These are my shoes, though.

Crops.

I'm in crops.

Yeah, my feet are swollen from what?

Yeah, I can't.

I even used to fucking love video games.

I can't play.

what everybody else plays, the multiplayer anymore, because I'm lying.

Because these kids, they die every two seconds.

Two seconds.

They play play all day they're so good at it they they're professional level players and then I walk in like let's have fun guys and then it's just I get a sniped in the head and then I get up and I'm sniped in the head oh so you were playing against other people online yeah playing by myself I'm great right yeah your gamer tech is team joy

hey guys let's have a good time

yeah same thing happens with you in hockey right you said like they would just knock you down right away video hockey yeah it was just like it was pointless I couldn't even take a step without them just knocking me down and taking the puck away from me

Yeah, Mary Beth said, she was like, you know, you should like game.

Like Muse does it.

Muse plays games and makes money doing it.

And I was like, but I suck at all those games.

And she's like, but that's why

you would do it.

She's like, because you would get so angry like you do.

And that's what people's want to say.

It wouldn't be directed at me.

Yeah.

She's like, this is actually just deflection, I guess.

We talked about this.

I went on Twitch a couple of times, but

I didn't do the camera.

You know, people do the camera and stuff like that.

And that seemed to be what people wanted.

And I was like, well, I'm not doing that.

I want to look at you.

They don't see enough on TV.

They want to see you playing video games.

My guess.

You said you were a banker?

Yes.

Dennis was a sperm banker making deposits all over, I heard.

Yeah, hey, how he does.

Good job, bro.

I think that made this guy, he didn't know what the fuck to think after that one.

It sounded like a legitimate interview until that came out, and then he's like, what is going on?

A nervous laugh.

Starts picking up his tasers.

Would you, like, if you ever have somebody come in and you're just like, man, I'm not, this guy's a little shady.

He's buying too many weapons.

Would you cut him off?

Absolutely.

Really?

Yeah, those that are.

Why are you cutting me off, sorry?

Is it because of my turban?

It's not my night.

I haven't had that yet.

I haven't had that yet.

The sperm bag.

All of a sudden, he's like, can you please start telling them gay jokes, please?

I feel like that's the kind of place you can make that joke, though, and not many people are going to be like, I'm offended.

I think that's painting.

I thought I was going to start.

They're going to start carrying me around on their shoulders.

It's old school.

It's old school in commerce and thinking.

Yeah.

With the stun guns,

is there a limit as to voltage?

Like that one, for example, if I get zapped with that, it's going to knock me.

The big one is 96 million volts.

Now, doesn't that sound like a lot of volts?

Yeah, that sounds like a lot of 96 million?

Turn you into a crisp.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, I don't really understand

the way that

stun guns work and shit.

So

I wouldn't see ghost trigger.

I wouldn't know.

Well, yeah, I mean, I get the basic premise, but 96 million volts, I would think like, well, you're dead then.

It's like when you see a video of somebody like accidentally touching it.

Well, how hot?

Well, isn't a bolt of lightning as hot as the sun when it hits you and people still live?

They do, infrequently.

I mean, it's been known to happen, but it's not.

No, there's been dudes who've been hit like 17 times.

There's one guy who's been hit a couple of times like that.

He's been hit like seven times.

He was like a ranger or something, right?

Like he couldn't even step outside without a ball of lightning hitting him.

Yeah, that's the way I remember the story.

If you had a family and you got hit twice,

would you be like, you guys really can't go anywhere with me because obviously I'm attracting lightning.

I don't know, man.

Call me an idiot, but I'd be like, well, it can't happen a third time.

Yeah, how many times before you're like, I guess I'm just the lightning guy.

Four times I might be like, guys, I'll meet you there.

I think they'd probably be like, we'll meet you there.

I don't know.

Like, if Edgar got hit by a bolt of lightning once,

I would laugh.

Twice, I'd be like, I'm not going near this guy anymore.

And start worrying that maybe it was genetic and probably I'm lightning boy.

It's going to happen.

Okay.

That's a stun gun?

It looks like a flashlight.

Well, that's where they, a lot of this are kind of to say conceal or for convenience, but they all have safety switches.

Oh, my God.

That was impressive sounding.

Yeah.

If I heard that, like, and you know, I would back off whatever I was doing.

So would I.

Like, if I was yelling at Giddam about a fucking shitty listing on an eBay and he thought, all of a sudden, I heard he flashed that notion.

Hey, it looks perfectly good, Giddam.

Great job.

And as far as Q's pants, let me just say, I was on your side about that whole thing.

Nine days, suddenly that's long enough to

walk a hundred feet.

Q needs his pants within nine days.

Oh, his special pants, right?

Q.

next time he comes in you should zap him

would you be willing to get

for making hate three no maybe next week

three

even with your you finally recovered from your brain thing

let us let us zap you now

if you had called your doctor real quick and were like, hey, Doc, I'm at the Collingswood auction.

It's making hate three.

I really want to get Zach.

He's like, I don't know any of these things you're talking about.

I do want better.

Who is this person?

Doc, it's me Q.

Oh.

Okay.

I have an appointment next Thursday.

So I'll ask.

Oh, yeah.

You'll be asking if...

Could you or should you be tased for enjoyment?

I'll ask for entertainment value.

Yeah, I'm going to imagine

the answer is going to be no.

But I'll ask.

Okay.

Yeah, because people have died from tasing, right?

Oh, I would

be voluntarily tased for

if you had said yes, I still would have been like, no, no, no, don't.

Let Bri do it.

Like, I don't give a fuck.

Tase me, bro.

All of a sudden, Mary Beth comes over and says, tasing.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm like, I told you I got to get a stronger one.

Delta, rechargeable.

I would be scared, though, that I would grab the...

I'm like, I'm looking for my flashlight in the door.

I'd grab it, and then I'd zap my dog or my wife or something.

I did enjoy that your wife took a back seat to your dog as far as children.

And children are not mentioned at all.

Or something at the third season.

Oh, because I was sleeping in the bed with my wife and my dog.

Yeah.

Right.

So all of a sudden I hear somebody shuffling around.

It's not the UPS guy.

I grabbed my flashlight,

which is a taser.

And

what if I grab the wrong end and

I zap Cooper or I zap Deb?

And fucking, because I'm not that experienced with it because it just looks like a flashlight.

Look, I don't want to see your marriage end.

But god damn it, it would be great if you accidentally teased your wife.

That's a story I would want to hear.

You fumbled your way into tasing your lunch.

Because you know there's no one in the house.

It's like Alicia going to the bathroom or something.

You panic.

if uh if we can when we cross the 10 000 patreon mark yeah i'll tase mary beth while she's sleeping oh right superstar break super star baby

definitely we had uh again two young adults uh two weeks ago one tested it on the other then he shot him in the butt and he just went right down his leg just right here in front of you that wasn't mega mike was it?

Yeah, it was.

So I'm not the only one.

I want to apologize right now.

I want to apologize right now.

I felt so shitty after I said that.

I forgot I just said, but now I recall saying that.

It's no excuse, but I was so like, it's making hay three.

I'm like, it's got to be great.

It's got to be fucking awesome.

So I immediately went right to the fuck most.

lamest fucking joke of all

the highest of hanging fruits

so so sorry people i will not so sorry he wants me to take it out.

He had this whole thing all frightened.

I thought they would have to address it.

But that is my last Mike and Ming joke.

I promise you.

And I want you guys

from this moment on until the end of episode 400, any opportunity you see to make me look like a gaywad, go for it.

That's my punishment here

for, because that was shitty of me to do.

Those guys have done nothing but always been there for us and i i made i did a shitty joke like that at their expense i feel horrible that was pretty mean if you are on patreon uh

you're gonna really like a fawn order just saying there's a little mike and ming joke in there that i believe people enjoy

and i don't feel shitty and i apologize i felt horrible i feel horrible i did i feel like i think i made it i feel like i betrayed mike and ming though at that joke and again only because i'm like

i'm scrambling.

I'm like, it's got to be a joke a second, you know?

It's got to be like, bang, bang, bang, bang.

And that's what I fucking come up with.

What an asshole.

You should be proud of yourself.

I thought it was funny.

Fucking Mr.

Weapons didn't laugh.

He doesn't know who Mike and Ming are.

Half the shit we're saying, I think he's just like, I don't know what these guys are talking about, like, at all.

It's either this account of the fucking Chinese throwing stars again, so I guess I'll talk to these three children.

Unsold fucking.

Because that's the kind of thing I would have wanted a Chinese star when I was 14 15.

as an adult i'm like what the fuck would i do with this well we used to get like old doors and put them in the woods against trees and like draw a shape of a man on them and then just fucking throw the star like fucking david caradine or any number of feminists these days never kung fu

i never saw it but remember if you can if you can snatch the pebble from my hand yeah grasshopper your your no i know the the cultural touchstones of it but i never watched it oh it's a good episode it's really good yeah we're gonna do a frank five rewind we're gonna shave oh yeah we're gonna shave frank's head she doesn't know yet.

We're gonna tase him and then shave his head.

He turned him into David Carradine.

It was Kane, was the guy from Kung Fu.

Yeah.

Yeah, and we're gonna hang him up with his pants down.

Wasn't he the guy?

He was the carrotine that

hung himself and died, right?

One of those fucking autoerotic kicks to see.

Yeah,

this five's like, are you guys almost done?

He's not gonna stay like that, is he?

Do you know those guys?

Were they over by the train tracks?

Wow.

Your turn.

Wow, he really went for it.

Doubling down.

He really went for it, yeah.

What a piece of shit.

Yeah.

What a piece of shit I am.

Yeah.

Again, I apologize.

Well, that makes it better.

It's so funny.

It's not even funny.

I don't know.

I thought it was funny.

You heard us laughing.

Yeah, but the listeners are not going to be laughing at that.

Oh, I disagree.

They're not going to be laughing at that.

They're going to be disappointed in me, I think.

You think so?

They're not more disappointed than I am in myself, but they'll be.

No, that's not possible.

Shooting each other in the ass.

People must range.

Your turn.

Oh, it's the best.

Does anybody ever come in looking for like

illegal weapons?

Oh, sure, everybody will always ask for switchblades or automatics.

Because if not, this is your first time you got any switchblades.

They do have ones that I try to pacify them with.

They have what they call California Legal.

And they're like two-inch blade that's healthy.

And then if it hits on a hard surface, it don't come out.

Always people, always got to push the envelope, right, Q?

What do you mean?

There's a fucking whole booth with a billion weapons.

You got any illegal weapons?

It's never good enough.

There's all all the ones you can buy.

Right.

But you always got to be in it.

People are like, I want the stuff that's illegal.

Right.

I'm special.

I know how to handle it.

Yeah.

But the, um,

I mean, I understand it, but

that you would want something.

That you can't have.

That you can't have.

Yeah, of course.

I don't understand someone who thinks he's going to have it and he's going to, to a total stranger, be like, well, funny I should ask.

I do happen to have some illegal arms.

Like, there's no fucking way.

Like, that would be a thing.

I think you would have to know somebody who knew somebody.

Yeah.

Not just like, oh, by the way, do you have any fucking handguns?

That sounds not realistic.

Not a realistic approach.

You know, there's fucking jack-offs that are just like, you know, they're going to ask

just for the sake of the fairy.

Well, there's probably jack-offs that will sell it.

Yeah, at a flea market, though?

I don't know, man.

Do you think they get inspections by the

FTA?

We know they do.

Then later on, we find out that certain people got harassed by the family.

The feds came in, yeah.

They rousted some Chinese

for their bootleg tapes.

Yeah, yeah.

So

they got an eye on it, Johnny Law, Big Brother.

That's got to be one of the hot spots, right, in Jersey.

It's got to be the hive.

A den of iniquity.

Iniquity, yeah.

Iniquity.

It's why it's fucking everyone wants to go there.

People fucking love it.

It's like the living, breathing.

What's that?

The dark web?

Yeah,

you mentioned the dark web at a certain point, too.

Yeah, that's like Collingswood is

a living, breathing dark web.

Well, I mean, if they sold the legal weapons, which they don't.

Yeah,

it's actually the regular web.

They don't sell anything.

You're not supposed to have, yeah.

Fretzels, some foam.

And then stops.

I see you got brass knuckles, too.

I thought those were illegal.

No, no, those are considered belt buckets.

Oh, okay.

And then the heavier ones are considered paperweights

so if somebody comes in they're like I'm looking for a sweet paperweight right all right that's what they get do you like loopholes Walt

when they serve me yes right but a person getting brass knuckles has a paperweight no but if like is it just some fucking stranger or Giddam

no then no I don't like

no I'm not a big loophole fan I like to see those fucking holes closed quick.

Yeah.

Closer hole.

No,

he's always trying to get over on somebody.

He's like, he orders a pair of socks, and then he claims that, like, oh, I ordered two, but you didn't send me two.

And he tries to finagle.

He's always trying to get over on somebody.

Well, what do you mean?

So, wait, he's saying.

He's lying.

Oh, he's lying to them.

Yeah.

But he didn't pay for two.

Exactly.

But they mistakenly only gave him one, so he shouldn't have to pay for shipping for the second pair.

But don't they look and see that he only ordered one pair?

Right, but then they give him the free shipping anyway.

But I'm saying, but if he had just ordered it, the second pair when he ordered the first pair, he could bypass the phone call.

He would pay the same amount of shipping.

For whatever reason, so he wanted those.

He thought he was going to get the socks for free.

And then if he couldn't get from wherever you were,

out the Bass Pro Shop,

you like $30 a pair of socks.

So he thought he was going to get the socks for free when he made this call.

And if he couldn't get it for free, then he was like, well, can I get free shipping?

And then they gave him the free shipping, no.

But he did, he had to wind up paying for the socks anyway, you know.

So he just wasted his time, he didn't get anything for free at the end of the day.

No,

um, the girl, uh, uh, Amy, who draws it.

And he did this while he was working, he did it at the end of the day.

He hold me on Saturday.

He said, Can I want to call Vast Pro Shop?

And I was like, Yeah, sure, go ahead.

Don't you have anything else to do?

Nothing involving pants?

He's like, No, not really.

Nothing like that.

The girl Amy, who draws the pinball twins comic and she she did the tagging of On the Bridge,

she got in a lot of trouble at the airport for having a brass knuckle belt buckle.

Like, so much so that she got fined.

She had to go to court and everything.

Like, the TSA were real assholes about it.

And, like, when I saw it, when she showed me, it's like, they can't be used as brass knuckles.

It's obviously like a decorative

belt buckle.

Couldn't she have taken her belt off and thrown it away?

It was too late.

It was too late.

They were like, yeah, like, you were trying to smuggle a fucking weapon through

security.

That's an angry TSA guy.

That is,

they've found screwdrivers in my bag and shit like that.

And they just like,

you can't take them.

I'm like, just fucking throw it out then.

Yeah.

Somebody smuggled a gun or had a gun.

What were you traveling with screwdrivers for?

I didn't.

That's what I was saying.

Like, it must have fell into the bag or something like that.

Just done.

Sharpened screwdriver.

Oops.

You know how screwdrivers just fall in your bag all the time.

Yeah, I was was going to say, I've never had a screwdriver fucking fall anywhere near me in my entire life.

You don't travel as much as I do.

Eventually you're going to get a screwdriver.

Or have as many screwdrivers as I do.

I think I may come back and buy that stun flashlight.

Have you ever been in a situation where you needed to stun somebody?

No, yeah, but that doesn't mean that I'm never going to be in a situation where I need to stun someone.

I get a lot of like ladies who'll come in and they work.

Whoa, whoa, hey.

They work at the hospital.

Dennis won't leave me alone.

He He makes me wear the wig.

Yeah, that's right.

All right, like that one.

He's in there.

He was in there.

I guess I think it was uncomfortable more than a humorous laugh.

I've thought of T.

He has no idea.

Dennis putting me in a wig with a stun gun.

Why would you even bother mentioning that?

People laugh at every single thing he says, regardless of its humor value.

And now you're fucking it up for him.

He goes through life.

He's like, every single thing I say is funny.

And now you're telling him the banker's giving him a courtesy laugh?

I don't know if he knew who Key was, though, to be honest with you.

I don't think so.

I also don't know why I think everybody thinks

I ever give that up

at all.

And tell him Steve David, listen to me.

You seem to hate me at times.

Oh, you're not the only one.

Don't worry.

Dipped more into the Reddit book.

A couple of Reddit comments that are not kind.

What now?

It's just random shit.

Just little Little picky un shit that I'm like, really?

That's what get you, man.

But on a certain level, I have to respect it because it's so petty that it's something I may get mad at for someone else, you know?

Fair enough.

Yeah.

So good on you.

Keep the comments coming.

I won't change, but keep them coming.

That's not going to happen.

I don't give a fuck if Reddit exceeds its bandwidth and like...

Like other sites have to shut down because there's just not enough internet memory or whatever the fuck.

I am not going to change.

I'm too old.

Anybody, do not trust anyone like my age or even younger who's like, yeah, I'm going to commit to change.

It doesn't happen.

Okay.

You are who you are.

I don't know about that.

I'm telling you.

In your core, you are who you are.

And I mean, you can behave differently.

Like you're saying, I'm not going to shit on people as much.

Sure.

But I feel like that's an action versus like true change that.

Like, I'm not going to change my fucking sense of humor because some asshole is like, ooh, you fucking made a joke about fucking parkland or whatever.

It's just like, I don't care.

Right, but to say, though, that people can't change at a certain age, I think.

I think in a major way.

I think I'm never going to be a Zen guy.

I'm not going to find some instances of it, though.

Like, I'm never going to be a Zen guy, even if I committed totally.

It's a life-altering event.

It's my attitude to anybody, though, I think.

What's that?

A life-altering event could change anybody's perspective.

How many fucking times I almost died?

Fuck it.

I don't know if you actually were close to death, though.

Two times I was.

I don't know how we're like close to the death of the death.

Two different times.

Yeah, I guess I won't believe the doctor.

I'll believe this fucking guy.

That would be silly of me.

I don't know.

I don't know where barbershops are.

I'm hallucinating when the doctor's like, you're fucking lucky to be alive.

Where's the little card?

Where's that little card?

I didn't hear any doubting with this guy.

Well, I mean, his was

a little bit more.

Well, I have brain charts.

Yeah.

I was hospitalized for three days getting blood transfusion.

I'll bring his charts.

I'll bring the the charts.

Where are your charts?

I'm just trying to stop my phone right now.

You're your charts, Dr.

Where's my phone?

I'm just fucking jaws over here.

Bearing fucking scars.

Look at this thing.

Are you kidding me?

I was closer to death than you were.

Yeah, here's the swimming with bow-legged women, Q.

I don't think I was closer to death than you.

But I got documentation.

Let me see this.

Oh, damn, that's nasty.

That's a fucking giant blood clot in the middle of my brain.

Oh, God.

Oh, what the fuck?

That's bigger than a quarter.

I don't even want to look at that.

But I do think you changed, though.

I did change after that.

I know for a fact you changed.

I did, yeah.

You became a happier person.

Yes, way less.

You were less, way less miserable, way less like.

Are you talking about change in terms of like, like, yes, his outlook was, was

improved.

Yeah, I'm talking about the kind of person you are.

Like,

let's say you're the kind of person who, um,

Like you're at you're at a restaurant and you know that the waitress gave you the wrong check because your check should be $40, this check's only $10.

There's a kind of person who would pay that $10 and walk out.

And I feel like that's who you are deep down.

I think we're looking at a more

pronounced change, though.

That's not worthy of even bringing up as an example, I don't think.

You're not the kind of person that you are.

I think you definitely can change the type of person who you are.

Like, you're never going to be an adrenaline junkie?

Me?

Yeah.

But I though I know like watching buzzer tv is like a source of adrenaline for you

yeah i don't know i but i do think though that i think they're i think the human being is is capable of change at at any point in their life yeah i think so i probably if you've been in prison they all seem to change like they're all like they get people a lot of prisoners getting to god and

yeah i mean it it it like a life-altering event can do it

um a health scare can do it happened in the golden girls remember rose started uh she was like i'm gonna live a life to the fullest every day.

And

she started acting a little too crazy.

She went back to the way she was before.

It was unhealthy.

It was unhealthy for her.

I mean, is there going to be instances where you fall back into your old ways here or there?

Sure.

But

you can change, though.

You think so?

I think so.

Yeah, I think you can.

There's hope.

If you want it.

I mean, if you really want.

I mean, sometimes change may not always be for the good, though, as well.

You could be a really good person, and then something happens, and you're a piece of shit happens.

Sometimes you're just born pretty shitty, and you live life shitty, and

that's just what people get, whether they like it or not.

Nothing's gonna change it.

All the fucking quote-unquote

tea in the world is not going to fucking change them.

My life sucks sometimes.

Yeah,

it

good fucking example, man.

Where like, oh Q, he's on TV.

He's

he, he, he's, he's got some money.

He doesn't need a stun gun to stun.

Look at his stunning looks.

Yeah.

Q still has a shitty day.

Oh, yeah.

And fucking

all the bullshit, all the boots.

But he was always stunning, though.

Hey, you got to tell me,

I've been grooming him since he was 20.

In terms of,

he didn't get worked on

post-jokers, though.

It wasn't like he was a fucking ugly duckling.

He was a fucking...

Right, I'm just listing his assets here.

It's funny that we're like, we make fun of Mike and Ming, but we're like, I think he's handsomer.

They feel automatic and feel safer.

And I tell every customer that will buy you that, I'll tell them, if you don't have the hooks, but to be able to use it, then don't waste your money because it's really for you to protect yourself against something less invasive, whether it's a pepper gel spray or just a handheld on,

like a whistle or something.

Any of your wife or your girls carry anything in their purse, you know, like some bear spray?

No, we don't.

No.

No?

I think most people do not.

Most people.

I don't know.

I mean, I guess,

you know, if I'm to believe the Gillette ad, you know, women are constantly, you know, in danger at all times in broad daylight.

I don't know, like, if you gave her like a little pepper spray, you need to carry this around with you at all times.

Put Put it in your purse in case you don't be like terrified of it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I don't know if it's better.

Like, it's not something I think of, but I'm a guy.

I'm not saying it's not something that they should do, but I just have never thought to that.

Well, it just suddenly it puts fear in them.

It was like, why are you giving me this?

Like, I didn't have this for so long, and now I need it.

Yeah.

It's a tough decision.

I mean, it's probably...

A great insurance policy.

Like, you know, like, hey, I said giving me that card at the end of this recording was an insurance policy.

So why shouldn't I give them some bear spray just as an insurance policy?

Yeah, I can see how a 51-year-old man driving an SD card

five miles is the same as a young girl out on the street.

Yeah, my SD card is her bear spray.

That's a bad comparison.

I don't know.

I think it's pretty good.

This is talking about covering your ass, bro.

Well, you do.

So why are you playing Aaron on the side of caution with me?

but your girls

well you're right you're right i'll i'll talk about it with my wife tonight i really dude if you really cared about your family cooper and socks would both have bear spray too yeah like you know how those dogs have got the little barrels underneath yeah the saprey's yeah it's filled with bear spray

Klan again's on high alert at all times.

You know for a fact that we would fucking be spraying each other in the face with it by accident multiple times, if not twice in one day at points.

That was would always be my fear that I would point it the wrong way and suddenly the criminal's like what an asshole.

Now I am gonna fuck him.

Yeah now I can't see.

Yeah, I'm blind and he's like well I mean I wasn't gonna take liberties before but he seems to want it

Do you find that in this holiday season people are buying weapons as gifts?

I see yeah.

Well somebody I don't see them doing it on their own to say oh I'm gonna buy my nephew a knife.

They'll usually check first, and then a lot of times, yeah, they'll buy a novelty type thing.

Okay, it's kind of ironic, right?

I mean, you know,

Merry Christmas, here's a weapon.

It's a novel

that he didn't even answer the question.

Well, did I even phrase it right?

That's not

a holiday, right?

Well, he said, No, in the holiday season.

No, I would say that.

Would that be an example of irony?

Well, like, I mean, a pocket knife, maybe not.

An assault rifle, yeah.

But like, is that an example of irony?

It's like, oh, it's the season of love, and then he will hear a weapon.

I don't know.

I think it would qualify.

Yeah, I'd say so.

But yeah, he didn't really answer the question whether it's like, do a lot of people buy weapons as gifts?

Are they good stocking stuffers?

Depends on how cool your family is.

Yeah.

Pam gave me a Chinese star when I was young.

Oh, yeah?

Mm-hmm.

Throw the Sataran.

It was in a frame.

And like it was in the center of the frame.

It was like a black frame with like a white mat and it was just sort of stuck in the middle.

And she gave it to me to hang on my wall.

So of course, I immediately took it out of the frame and started throwing it into the wall and shit.

Pam's weird.

Like I remember something not too long ago because she used to work at

the

hospital in the nursery.

And

one time she brought home,

I can't remember what the term is, but it's like, you know, when kids have an extra digit and they need to

take it off, like amputate it.

Yeah.

And she brought home a little baby finger and a test tube in formaldehyde or whatever, or alcohol, rather, rubbing alcohol.

She brought, I remember it was a little test tube with a blue cap.

That's weird.

And she brought it home.

She's like, I thought you would like this.

And I did.

It was on my desk for a long time.

That seems really unethical.

I mean, I think OSHA would probably be like,

let me just check the rule book real fast.

No, no, no.

She's been retired for like 10 years.

Wow.

And this was when i was in eighth grade that's like the manson family like you know hey manny part hey hey reddit

why do you think i am the way i am yeah that could be that's really strange to give a child yeah that's morbid but i thought it was cool but that's the way i grew up though with like where is that now like i don't know i wish i still had it it's it's went missing um

i i would when I was young, we would watch horror movies together all the time.

So that's what we bonded over.

Yeah.

I bonded with Edgar over running running away from him.

I like to watch monster movies too.

My mom, I don't recall her giving me anything other than like a fucking plastic Frankenstein.

No superfluous appendages.

There's a coloring book of Dracula.

Oh, you know.

And a separate finger.

We lived on the hill.

Life was better up there.

Yeah.

That is a.

That's unusual.

That is unusual.

Yeah.

That is crazy.

It's really unusual.

It says a lot about Pam, I think.

Sage's birthday?

No.

She's going to be 13 on February 1st.

Oh, yeah.

Lisha just turned 16.

It's fucking crazy, right?

God.

Yeah, it's crazy.

She's taking her, like, driving Ed.

So she's going to be driving next year.

You find it upsetting?

The driving part?

Yeah, I don't like that.

I don't like that she's driving.

Not because I'm like, I guess I worry, you know.

But as far as getting older, I don't really get upset about that anymore.

I used to but

you know

you can't stop progress you can't stop time no matter you got it you start it you can either sit there and let it get you down or you know okay

or not

try nothing you can do yeah so it's a waste of it's a waste of brain cells yeah but it does there are times when like I'll feel a little melancholy because I remember you know like her being three and doing something and she's gonna be 13 but she'll still like when when she used to come home from preschool when she was like three four years old she would get dropped off by the bus and instead of just like walking off the bus she would jump to me and i would catch her and it doesn't occur to her that like she's not that little kid still like how like a dog when it's a puppy but it's huge

so she'll still she'll still jump yeah she's gonna fucking break my neck one the way she jumps on me she doesn't jump off the bus that she would knock me on my ass because she's just too heavy now but she'll still jump on me and expect me to hold her like she's little

Well, that's still, in a way, that's nice, even though it's a wear and tear in your body.

I got aches and pains and shit, man.

I want to ask you, did you see The Office on The Office Musical?

The what?

The Office Musical in New York?

No.

No?

Yeah, I'm taking Alicia for her birthday.

That's what she went to.

Oh, I didn't even know there was

a musical for the office.

She's into the office.

It's not authorized, probably, right?

Oh, it's authorized.

Really?

Because they do

those parody ones a lot.

Oh, so I thought it was authorized.

I called the office.

I would be surprised if it was authorized.

But maybe.

How would it not be authorized?

How would they get away with it?

It's a parody.

Okay.

Office.

I guess it's how, like, we do Frank Five Rewind.

We do.

Exactly.

Parody, that's right.

I mean,

it says the office a musical parody.

Oh, would you think fucking Steve Corell is going to be in it?

No, I thought maybe it was going to be

just,

you know, with their blessings, though.

It is not.

Who gives a fuck what the actors think?

It's the network who would have to bless it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm interested.

I mean, I'm a big office fan, and she's become quite the office fan as well.

Yeah.

You got to let me know if

fucking Jim and what's her name, Pang, are still smug little assholes.

I'm sure they will be.

We can only hope.

He thought he was the prank superstar.

He was wrong.

There's a lady playing the boss.

Playing Steve Corell.

I'm interested.

I mean, I don't even care if it's not good.

I'm just, I think it'll be interesting just to see.

I like that Stanley has a pretzel in the picture.

It's a nice little reference, right?

There you go.

Have a good time.

I will.

Hopefully.

I hate going to New York, though.

It's the worst.

I went in yesterday.

It's the worst.

Fucking shit.

It really is a fucking toilet.

That's so terrible.

Like when you get in there, the only thing you can think is, like, I can't wait till we leave.

Never had that experience once.

Look around, I see the history, the architecture.

It breaks the goddamn bank to get in there.

It's like with your tolls and everything, it's 20.

Parking was $51

for two hours.

Public transportation.

I can't.

So then I go in the Penn Station, then I got to go all the way down to...

downtown like like right by the village that's it that's a 10-minute subway ride maximum I don't know how to use a subway.

Last time I had to check with a high school student three times.

I'm like, is this my stop?

Some girls fucking shepherd.

So, some new facts are coming out about New York City.

Yeah, I don't know how to ability to navigate.

I don't know how to use any of that stuff.

And like, taxis never stop for me.

Uber, I'm like, how are they even going to see me?

Because I don't know.

I can't seem to work.

I don't like it.

I'm like, same as you will tell me.

It's too much for me.

It's overwhelming.

Just makes me want to taste.

Yeah, we're country mice.

Tucker, the country mouse.

I'm going to pick something up today.

I'm going to pick up.

Can you tell us about this piece of merchandise right here?

It's a sword.

But do you know anything about the wolf's head?

No.

No.

Okay.

It looked nice.

I bought it and figured the...

Can you actually see this?

How do I make the sword command?

Is there a special button?

Yeah, I don't know anything.

I don't know what you think this guy is selling.

Like, it's not the James Bond store.

It's cutting-edge, fucking, cheap Chinese bullshit.

He's like, so what's the significance of the wolf's head?

As if it's like an archaeological find.

He's like, I don't know.

He's like, I thought somebody might buy it.

Wolves are cool.

People like wolves.

People like canes.

It reminded me of the wolf man, the lawn chainy wolf man.

Yes.

The walking stick.

And I actually gave that to Mike as a Christmas present.

Yeah, how do you like it?

He liked it.

That's what we said.

You know, I don't know if he really did, but.

Like, just so you know, there's no button that's going to shoot it out into your hand.

Just unscrew.

So it's not like it's an automatic to me.

They'd have to worry about somebody pressing a button and they shoot out.

And they're not sharp.

What's the point?

Why would you not want a fucking sword?

Like, why would you want a sword that wasn't sharp?

Well, you could sharpen it, I guess.

Now I got to sharpen a whole sword?

Like, I know how to sharpen a knife.

I have a whetstone who doesn't.

But now I'm sharpening a sword.

How the fuck am I supposed to do that?

I mean, you go on the internet.

And wouldn't you make something up if you were that guy?

Oh, the wolf said.

Well, let me tell you.

And then just make up a a story to make it.

Why is he going to do that for us?

He's trying to sell shit.

It's not necessarily just for us.

Yeah.

To us?

Yeah, maybe not us, but you figure he may have a little something.

He's like, I don't know.

He's like, I don't know, and they're not sharp.

Do you want it?

Yes.

I guess.

He bought it.

Yeah, you did buy it.

He didn't even need to go through the whole sale.

That's not a salesman, though.

Like, you watch something like Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross, and it's like, these guys love being salesmen.

I don't think they love being salesmen in Glen Gary Glenn Ross.

Well, they used to.

You're right.

They used to love being salesmen.

Right.

But

he was clear we weren't customers.

We were, though.

We wound up buying something.

Yeah, but I mean, I know.

Well, Q.

You also, yeah.

He said he was going to come back.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He knows your type.

I taught him a lesson.

Now he knows.

Yeah.

I don't know if you're the first one to teach him that lesson.

Well, then he's got to keep learning it

until he gets there.

Yeah, he should have been, he should have called you and like, I I know you're not coming back.

Yeah.

I feel like he did intend to at the time.

I would have, yeah, we ran out of time.

He did seem genuine.

I would have gotten that flashlight thing.

We just ran out of time, man.

Yeah.

And what if you fucking zap one of your cats?

You can't have that.

I wouldn't do that.

That I wouldn't do.

One of my neighbors, maybe.

Oh, yeah?

Man.

Getting on your nerves?

No.

Just a little.

What the fuck?

Why not?

Tell your neighbor.

I think I'm going to take this one.

Cripple.

Yeah.

Walking around with canes today.

Yeah, let's do it.

What was your name?

George.

George.

Nice to meet you.

George of Cutting Edge Weapons.

Thanks, buddy.

Hey, have a great day.

We'll be back.

There you go.

George of Cutting Edge Weapons.

But we did not come back, though.

We did.

We never did go back.

No.

But George was a good dude.

Like, the guy's probably like, look, we got to lock up George.

He's like, no, no, no.

That TV guy said he's coming back.

He's going to buy a cane.

But a nice guy.

Yes.

Perfectly pleasant guy.

Big inventory.

If you're looking for weapons in your New Jersey area, definitely look up George.

Christmas time.

Is that hard to buy for a person?

Yeah, we went.

We obviously went during Christmas time, which was the first time we had gone not in the summer, too.

So we got an extra, a different level of flavor.

Well, we didn't go outside as a result.

I mean, it was so cold.

It was like 10 degrees or whatever.

It was cold.

There was hardly anyone out there.

There was nobody outside.

So most of our, well, all of our venture that afternoon was was inside, which was okay.

It still was a very rewarding afternoon, I thought.

Well, I got there before you guys did.

I took a spin around and I was like, I was like, I don't even know if we're going to get an hour out of this.

Not really considering inside because they were so few and far between.

And

it's unbelievable some of this.

Like, I get people who have a bunch of like toiletries.

Because they're like, they probably fell off a truck and they're going to sell them cheap.

And that's kind of thing people need.

But then you have the guy who has a bunch of old rusty tools and equipment that you're like, I don't even know what that does.

And it's all out on like plywood on sawhorses.

And you're like, holy shit, like he has the chances of him selling any of this are slim.

He's going to have to load all that heavy shit back into whatever he drove it here with.

It's a tough existence.

That's a fucking grind, man.

Jesus.

Who would want to do it?

Yeah, because you don't know if you're going to make anything that day.

And you're just...

hoping against hope that it's a good day and it may not be.

It's a tough life.

Then sell like hot iPhones.

Don't sell fucking old farm thresher blades or whatever the fuck that nobody cares or wants.

Turn over all your fucking merchandise and all of a sudden have fucking hot iPhones.

Well, there's an underbelly there, man.

There's got to be an underbelly there.

Still an iPhone 5.

Yeah.

Stolen razors.

That kind of shit.

Razor blades, that stuff.

Just go steal that then if hot iPhones are too hard to get.

You're assuming that they stole it.

What, that old junk?

Yeah.

No, I'm not assuming they stole that.

I'm assuming they found that because nobody would want it.

But the people, yeah,

you got to know that some of that shit's stolen.

Some of it has to be.

I don't know.

I won't use that level of just assumption, though.

No, that level of cynicism isn't for you.

Oh, what the hell are people fucking stealing?

Well, I'm saying, like, if, like, say, you steal an entire palette full of like a deodorant

that sells deodorant ain't cheap, it's easier to be stinky almost.

Yeah, it's like it's like six dollars.

So, if you gotta be deodorant out there, that's not six dollars.

So, if you steal it and you sell it for three dollars, right?

Somebody's gonna be like, That's a bargain.

I guess, but who's going to like the local flea market for deodorant?

Not the people there.

I can tell you that much.

I'm better.

Boy, after a hard day's work, the last thing I feel like doing is going out and driving and picking up my incidentals, like

what deodorant?

What I feel like going and drive and getting my deodorant.

Why can't somebody just bring it right to my door?

Well, there's Postmates.

Postmates?

What is Postmates?

Postmates is an app that delivers anything from anywhere.

Well, almost anything.

Tell me more.

Planning a last-minute party?

Yeah, I was going to throw a Super Bowl party, but I didn't know about Postmates.

Well, they'll bring pizza, hot wings, burritos, sliders, red wine, and even balloons.

What's that?

Red wine.

Red wine.

Oh, okay.

Sorry.

What's the matter?

What, the dogs?

They can't be heard.

It's annoying.

You know what?

I was going to have a Super Bowl party.

Do you remember some of the parties I've thrown in the past, though?

People still talk about them.

Remember that pool party we threw with all my friends?

Yeah.

Do you remember that?

How awesome it was?

We had the bouncy house.

That was awesome.

Do you remember that?

Remember one of the kids threw up in the pool?

Oh.

Do you remember that?

I didn't.

Oh, I didn't tell you.

I guess I should have.

Oh, okay.

I was going to say, I guess I should have told you before you went in and took a dip.

But that was 10 years ago.

Don't worry about it.

But remember the other I've had some Super Bowl parties too, you know.

Remember when my friends come over?

Like one of them?

It's a shindig, man.

It's the talk of the town, man.

It's like the most

exclusive invite you can get in Monmouth County.

You're right, because it's only one invite.

Yeah, but this, did you check out the Super Bowl this year?

No, I know you didn't.

You were in your room.

Were you watching it in your room when I was out in the family room watching it?

No.

Did you happen to hear about Maroon 5, the halftime show?

Yeah.

Why is Maroon 5 getting so much hate?

Because apparently

they were not enthusiastic enough.

Almost like you reading this ad, Alicia.

And you know why?

Just like Maroon 5, you're going to get some hate for this if you don't pick up the energy.

Okay.

Now, but in all seriousness, though,

what do people expect?

Why are people hating on Maroon 5?

I watched that halftime show.

I'm not a fan of a ruin 5.

They could have gotten anyone.

What does that mean?

Like, they could have got someone better, but I don't care.

I don't care.

But who's better than Maroon 5?

I mean,

it's not even that.

I don't know.

But they got the hits, right?

But

why is it...

I think the internet and social media, especially social media, I think when we die,

I think we're going to find out that Satan created social media.

I've got to tell you because it's so cruel social media.

And it's

why you do that literally every

time.

But it's true though.

Like poor Maroon 5, they played their hearts out.

Now you may not be a fan of the music just like me, but boy, did they put every

bit of their heart and soul into that performance?

And they're just getting hated.

I can't stand the haters, Alicia.

I can't stand it.

It drives me nuts.

I just want to like, I just want to slap all the haters across the face.

I really wish I could just grab them and just slap them across the face and be like, go do something worthwhile with your life.

Stop typing.

Why don't you do that and stop?

You're not worrying about them.

You're worrying about them.

I'm not worried about them.

I'm worried about Maroon 5 because they played their butts off.

They played their butts off and people are hating.

They played Super Bowl.

They don't care.

Maroon 5?

You don't think that they're human beings just like everybody else?

And that when they see all the hate?

There's not all, like, it's not like they're getting

crazy amounts of hate they're oh not from what i saw the internet was aflame i read an article with haters about a maroon not always

no i just i'm gonna right here right now please swear make a vow to me you'll never be a hater i'll i won't hate on maroon five no on any celebrity i don't care if you like if you like tease your friends or you're a hater to you like your classmates but don't pick on celebrities it's wrong okay i won't

all right tell me about this service about picking up pizza and red ones and red wine

and whatever else.

Chicken fingers, that's like

or hot wings.

Sure, yeah.

What's the name of it?

Postmates.

Postmates.

New company, just starting out with Tell them Steve Dave.

I really want to impress them.

I think we're off to a good start.

Continue.

Want a hot tub filled with champagne?

No.

Well, we can't bring you that.

Can you see me sitting in a hot tub with champagne?

Nope.

Nope.

Can't.

Although

I wanted to pop my first bottle of champagne this past Sunday when Tom Brady won his sixth Super Bowl.

If I had a hot tub and I had some champagne, I might have been sitting in it.

I think you would have.

If I had known about postmates, I could have ordered the red wine and the hot tub

and celebrated in style.

But now that I do know, next year when Tom Brady wins his seventh Super Bowl,

watch out.

I got dibs on the hot tub.

Yep.

You didn't really let me finish that.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Did I interrupt you?

But we can, but they can bring you enough champagne to fill a hot tub.

Whatever it is you need, they get it.

Okay.

So it's basically like an Uber for your merchandise.

Yes.

Whatever you want, you order it and you tell them where it is.

Somebody from Postmates is going to go pick it up and bring it right to your door.

So this is great for people without cars.

Yeah.

This is great for people who maybe drive all day long, like your father.

And when they get home, they're just like, they don't want to be bothered.

Like, Dad, go get, I need new earbuds.

Dad, I need eyelashes.

Dad, I need this.

And be like, you know what?

Call Postmates.

We can start doing that, I guess.

How do you go?

How do I go about signing up for Postmates?

For a limited time, Postmates is giving you

$100 free delivery credit for the first seven days.

$100?

That's got to be like 100 deliveries, probably, for $100, right?

Oh, no, probably, no, probably not a dollar a delivery.

Probably not.

Yeah, probably not.

It's still a great deal.

Yeah.

To start your free deliveries, download the app today and use code TESD

100.

ESD100

to get $100

worth of free deliveries.

Credit for your first seven days, yeah.

Oh, you have to use those hundreds.

Why?

Then you get a lot of

everything you need.

First seven days.

Get it all then.

Get anything you need at any time you need it.

Download Postmates and save with the code TESD100.

So you can just get it on the App Store and it's free.

Going back to the Super Bowl halftime show.

Who would you have liked to have seen an air?

Now, what about this rapper that was out there?

Travis Scott.

Travis Scott.

Why did they put a rapper out there if they're not even going to let him rap, though?

Because all I heard was silence.

They just kept.

I feel like you're exaggerating, probably.

I'm not exaggerating.

And like, you hear a couple of like incoherent lines,

then silence, and then a couple more incoherent lines, then more silence.

And then he just like poses.

Because he's popular.

But why not, like, if you're playing football, right?

Don't you think you want to hear some like aggressive music?

No one's you want to hear some metallic.

You know what I want to hear?

I want to hear corn.

That's what gets people fired up.

That kind of music that makes people want to tackle somebody.

Suggest that next time.

But no one's going to watch.

They're targeting

kids who are like popular artists right now.

But you didn't watch?

I didn't.

So their targets are not.

But the only thing I ever heard about the Super Bowl this year was about this halftime.

Didn't hear anything else about it?

You didn't hear about Tom Brady?

No.

You didn't hear about his sixth Super Bowl?

You didn't hear about what?

I was talking about it.

I was telling you all about it.

What?

You weren't even paying attention?

What do you mean?

I told you about Tom Brady winning.

He's the oldest quarterback alive.

But besides from you, I didn't hear anything about it.

Nobody else matters.

Well, obviously, that's not...

That's to you.

Yeah.

Obviously, then obviously.

No,

what I'm telling you is all that matters.

That's what all you kids are saying in school about SpongeBob.

Were they hated on Maroon 5 too in school?

No, I didn't hear anything about Maroon 5.

It's terrible, though, what they did to Maroon 5 this year.

It's absolutely an atrocity.

And they shouldn't have took the deal to play at the Super Bowl if they weren't cut out to get hate.

But if it's warranted, I'm all for it.

But if it's unwarranted, like what's going on here with the Maroon 5 guys, I'm not even saying I'm a fan of the music, but you could tell that they were putting everything into it and it's still getting the hate.

Well, that was going to happen either way.

It's terrible.

I can't stand it.

I can't stand it.

It just drives me absolutely crazy.

I guess you shouldn't stop supporting the Super Bowl then.

Well, it has nothing to do with the Super Bowl.

It's the jerks online.

It's the jerks with a phone that think they know it all and they have all the answers and they could do better.

Let's see you get up there then and

perform for a half a million people.

We should make them do it next time.

You know, for 30 million people.

Let's see what show you put on.

Right.

What was it saying again?

Postmates.

postmates tsd 100

get all your

tesd 100 get all your merchandise delivered right to your front door all your food

basically anything

100 worth of free deliveries in the first seven days is that right yep all free delivery it's it's crazy what a great deal all right back to episode 400.

okay so this is the pickle lady this is a pickle stand george uh directs us to go to the pickle stand, which has been in, it's the longest stand in existence.

Two years?

Or is I don't know.

I thought the foam said that they were.

They edged them out by a year or two.

At the time, we thought they were the longest running stand.

We don't stay long in here.

Wait, is this the woman that Johnson insulted to her face?

Did I?

What was the insult?

Where you said like she was there since she was like 60?

Oh, she was 70.

Do you have that in there?

It must be in there.

Is it really the only thing from the pickle related work.

We don't stay there long because, fuck, if there's not a whole bunch of customers coming up and we're in the middle of fucking commerce.

Pickles, big business in that place.

I'm telling you, pickles are awesome.

They had the barrels, they have pickle chips, all kinds of pickles.

Pickles smell so gross, though.

I disagree, man.

I like the smell.

I don't like the taste.

I'd love to.

I'd love to.

That's a business I'd like to get into.

Pickles.

Did you ever hear the pickle challenge?

No.

You never heard of the pickle challenge when you were growing up?

Well, it's not so much a challenge as a sexual assault.

I mean, really.

You got to stick the pickle in your butt and make it from first base to second.

I didn't hear about it until Glorx 2.

That was the first time I ever heard of that.

Really?

So you never saw that or made someone do that or had to do that?

No, I live in civilization, so it never fucking happens.

It never caught on like the ice bucket challenge.

So between sixth and seventh grade, that summer when you graduate sixth grade and you move on to the high school or

a lot of great members another one highlands where you go to the big school on the hill yeah the rumor was the legend was that if you were caught by the the classmen the the um the what not over not the seniors the seniors the older kids

you would be dragged up to the kavujin field the baseball field sure they would shove a pickle in between your butt cheeks you would have to get on first base make it to second base without it dropping and if it dropped you had to take a bite out of it so i didn't leave my house but that summer but who would engage in this like on on either senior the equation.

Yeah.

You know, that's the way.

Like, all these sports teams, they're always like hazing guys.

They do some weird stuff.

That's kind of like

homosexual related.

Yes, but it sounds like they're just snatching people off the street.

Oh, not just anybody.

Okay.

And it wasn't girls either.

Okay.

No, it was only 12 or 13-year-old boys, which somehow makes it okay.

In seventh grade, my hand to God, I had heard that in sixth grade.

And I was so concerned.

I carried a machete in my duffel bag yeah my gym bag that I so you would kill somebody I had a machete with me there was no way a pickle was going I would have fucking hacked somebody up pretty good you would have cut someone's hand off I would have cut someone I definitely would have cut someone this is just fucking good natured fun for them

it's not fun for me right but this is just like and I would have hacked somebody for you too oh I don't I would have been like no let's just do the pickle no one needs to fucking lose a limb over this

that's right so let us go Or you're going to lose a limb.

There's no fucking way.

You're not going to cuck me out like that.

Getting pregged.

I'm on the stroll.

Yeah, no.

I don't know if anybody actually had it happen to them, but boy, was it a fucking nervous time?

It sounds scary.

It was a motivator to keep your wits about you.

Your heads on a swivel camera.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I believe it.

You didn't have these tales.

And you can't go tell your parents.

Why not?

Because it's 1980.

Because it's so weird to go like, hey, Ma,

there might be some older boys who are chasing me because they want to put a pickle in me.

Yeah, if they come to the door, just

say I'm not home, I guess.

It's too weird to tell your parents.

Yeah, but I mean, if I had to choose between the two,

what's your parents going to do, though?

I don't know.

Talk to somebody.

Could you imagine though?

That would have been the worst if, like, if they went up to school.

Because I feel like the principals would not take it seriously

and

and some they would have a talk they would have a talk to the older kids who would be like that snitch motherfucker

like now it's gonna be an eggplant

yeah you can't rat which is why i brought the machete wow i didn't know that yeah you would have used the machete some of those some of those seniors edgar had a uh a sharpening wheel in the garage of my grandmother's house and i went i sharpened it and it was in this green i got it from RJ's that used to be on First Ave.

Fucking, I spit on your grave.

Fuck yeah, man.

I'll cut your dick off in a bathtub, son.

Let's talk to the fucking Debbie at the pickles.

Hi, are you Debbie?

Sam.

He just spoke to the man.

George.

He said that you might talk to us about

the pickle stand

and the fact that he's been in Pierce for 60-some years.

Well, the stand has been here for 62 years oh so they had one owner for 20 years and one owner for 40 years and now george has been on it for the past two years

i told you he was saying you've been here for 62 years i said i don't think so no i don't think so i didn't say that i did not say that

i love his dog distancing himself i did not say that by you saying that

is you saying that

you had

such a great point i was we were hanging out recently and I told him I do this thing where, like,

if

I'm at the grocery store with Mary Beth, right?

Like, I'll pay for the groceries.

And if it's just like a bag or two, I'll be like, get that.

And I'll walk away.

She'll have to pick it up.

And it makes me laugh.

And Q's like, he goes, but don't you understand?

He's like.

It's only you who thinks that's funny.

Everyone else thinks you're just that guy.

Because you are that guy.

Like, you've become what you're you're what you seem to make fun of.

Yeah, but in my mind, I'm like, it's funny.

For me,

yeah.

I don't know.

But yeah, when you brought that up, I was like, oh my god, he's right.

I am that guy.

I am that guy.

All right.

Get those groceries.

Might as well embrace it.

Yeah.

Yeah,

that was a hell of a moment.

Because

you could just see it in my face where I'm like, oh my God, Q, thank God for you.

No, I'm talking about when you call this woman old, that would just laugh at me.

We did what we're doing now.

I didn't expect you to change your behavior.

I like what's like, I did not say that.

Yeah,

like you basically told her she looks old enough to be the recipient of that check.

Like, she could have been there 62 years, which would mean she's like 95.

I know, and she wasn't.

She was like a late 50s, early 60s.

Probably younger than me.

Did you

know Dennis, who worked in the magazine?

No, I did not.

Oh, you know, have you heard about him, though?

No.

Oh, okay.

You tried?

I love how it's just left open for interpretation.

Did you hear about him?

No.

What's the best-selling pickle?

The new pickle.

The nude pickle?

You knew goddamn well she'd about to say the nude pickle.

I did.

He knew.

I thought she said it right there again, nude.

You thought he said it again?

Yeah.

When I heard that, it made me like...

The new pickle.

I mean, how the fuck would any of us know?

And

why would she expect us to know what the new pickle is?

I thought nude was just like something about like just nothing on it.

A cucumber nude.

Yeah, some people call them cucumbers.

I call them nude pickles.

The nude.

Oh, nude?

It's like a cucumber.

It's real crisp.

What would it take for you to eat a pickle?

Can you believe?

I know you're not going to believe this, but I've never eaten a pickle in my life.

I love that.

That's like Sunday Jeff level, like, believe it or not.

Yeah, is it that like shocking in this day and age?

I'm sure she's probably met tons of people.

I've never eaten a pickle before, right?

A ton.

I mean, she probably doesn't know either way whether people believe that.

That's the thing.

Yeah, it's not about whether or not she's like, oh my God, you have never eaten a pickle.

It's like, no, she doesn't know you.

So you being like, hey, if you can believe it.

No, no, no, no.

I'm saying, like, me saying, like, hey, I've never eaten liver before.

I don't think it's that shocking.

I don't think most people have eaten liver.

But is it like saying, I've never eaten an apple before?

Like, is it on that level?

Is like not eating a pickle on that level?

Is it not saying I've never eaten a sandwich before?

I think for the average person, I would say yes.

For you, I would say that sounds about right, if that makes sense.

Right.

But I meant for her, I was trying, I was trying to do it.

I think it would be.

Why?

Her whole fucking existence is based on selling pickles.

And you're like, hey, you want to hear something cool?

I don't support your industry.

This one's like a year old.

This one's like,

I despise it.

It'd be like somebody coming in here, not buying anything, and being like, hey, guess what?

I don't buy comics.

And then walking away.

Thanks for your time.

You have to try a pickle.

I can't do it.

Why?

It's just look.

It looks like a picture.

I saw one of his friends eat one in the road he went down.

Yeah, it's just, I can't do it.

She didn't get that one.

But that's the great thing.

None of this is for anyone but us.

The innuendos are flying left and right.

They really are.

We can't keep up with it.

Yeah,

real quick, though, the warts don't bother you?

The bumps?

Well, they're not warts.

You can hardly feel them.

They help the pickle stay in.

Like the bumps on the outside, they don't bother you.

That whole thing, when you bite into it, you feel the bumps.

Well, you're not fallating it.

It's just like you're just biting it, right?

Yeah.

I mean, there's something else that's bumpy that you eat, though.

I mean, bumpy?

Yeah.

Not much.

Syphilis-ridden pussy.

Yeah, I mean, that gets bumpy sometimes.

I mean, there's not much

that's bumpy.

Yeah, I mean, cucumbers would be the other thing.

I guess.

I mean, I never thought of it as bumpy.

I never regarded the bumps as an issue.

No, yeah, to to me,

I gotta makes my

skins.

The Keebie Jeebies.

Yeah, when I see those bumps.

Yeah, who needs them?

I'm with you.

Like a raspberry is pretty bumpy.

A strawberry's got all those seeds.

You know?

Yeah.

That's true.

I guess

an eggplant's smooth?

Eggplants are pretty smooth.

But like a kiwi.

All fuzzy and shit.

You ever see the NXS video?

Which one?

It's the one thing.

And there's like they put that fruit on the table, and it looks like awesome.

That was a fucking sight to see when I was 12.

They put that shit.

The girl was like eating that fruit, and then she puts it down, and it's fucking,

it is, you know what it is.

You know, Q.

I never saw the video.

Yeah.

Everybody turned down the lights and

talked to some in excess.

He's so straight, he won't eat anything anything shaped like that.

Yeah.

Bananas, pickles.

Plantains.

The smell and the pickle.

I really like the plantain remark.

It is weird, though, that, and I don't know why I feel this way, but it is weird that we just keep making phallic jokes to a complete stranger who's a female.

Well, you guys are.

I'm not.

That's true.

So far, you've apologized for something you didn't say.

And yeah, we're hitting the fucking phallic shit pretty hard you should have broke out our our fucking initiation pickle story to see if she had heard that yeah but like like right around when school starts do you see a huge spike in pickle sales

yeah

you're not gonna do it for episode 400 you won't have a bite of the pickle if you go get shocked by a taser i'll eat a pickle

how about i eat the pickle you get shot

something that could end your life versus something that's like not palatable

ever been a pickle recall

for like a salmonella or anything no i think it would be hard pickles are pretty

they're in that brine man i think it'd be hard to grow oh yeah diseases in there yeah okay do you ever eat one of those eggs that's in the

bars pickled eggs i never got into those you know i've never eaten a hamburger with bread

i died when i heard

he's totally off pickles now

without bread or you know obviously pickles

i know you just got to your feet over the pickles

oh god that's funny

it really is like pay attention to me pay attention to me

I didn't know that.

She goes from

holy fuck, that's funny.

She's like, you know, strangely enough, I didn't know that.

You know, that commercial?

No, again, too much information.

I hear you.

I didn't really need to know that.

I don't really, like, I did not think that was a good use of TMI.

Like, you saying, like, I've never had a hamburger with bread.

Yeah, well, is that too much information?

Right.

Too much information is like, I've never figured my asshole while eating a hamburger without bread.

But does she think it's an innuendo based off all the other innuendos?

Oh, she thinks you're talking about a fur burger.

She's like, you boys are disgusting.

Probably thought we were talking about sexual stuff.

She'd have good reasons,

we're saying.

Like you ever take a pickle?

He gets it as salt and pepper, a drug.

Like

all seasoning.

If you're using any type of seasoning, which I can see you are, you're basically a drug dealer, is what we're saying.

Oh, no.

There's nothing like that in there.

How little tolerance would you have for people that came in and subjected you to this shit?

No, if you're bored and day in, day out, it's just the fucking same thing.

I'd probably welcome it.

How many interviews do you think she's done in the 62 years that Stan's been there?

Zero.

Aside from that one, yes.

Zero.

Unless there happens to be a Collingswood newsletter.

Or maybe at the the fire, post-fire, maybe they had an interview.

Right.

So he's like, hey, did the pickles all burn up?

And she's like, yeah, pretty much.

And they're like, thank you.

So 60 years selling pickles.

62 years, over 60 years selling pickles.

I mean, that's, I thought Dennis was impressive, but

this pickle stand

might possibly be the longest running stand in the

bread as well.

had we mentioned dennis up to that point sure oh you mentioned

she didn't know him okay so she didn't know him so we referenced a guy she didn't know twice

she knew oh you think she knew i think she knew she doesn't want to talk about it yeah because she's like he brought me home once

how many platters of just pickles you think they sell

uh

you know it's one of the pickle platters it's one of the

i guess i'm just biased because i i'm you know i'm anti i'm not anti-pickle, but I just won't try it.

But I'm with you.

I'm like, I'm enough of a narcissist that I'm like, nobody likes pickles.

I don't like pickles.

A whole platter.

If I went to somebody's house, they had a pickle platter, I would be like, where do you

get this?

I would love it.

But to be fair, I probably go through a jar of pickles a month.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I didn't realize you were such a

pickle for that.

Pickle puss.

Pickle puss only.

Yeah, I like pickles.

Okay.

McClure's makes a spicy pickle plate.

I can only imagine how the stash will be inundated with pickle platters addressed to you now.

It would be nice, but they'll never know

when it's going to come.

Did they go bad?

Pickles?

No, but I'm just worried about you.

I mean, a pickle platter surely goes bad.

Yeah, I like the whole stash reeking of pickles.

No, where are you going?

You stepped in it.

Where are you going?

We're doing a little reporting here.

You stepped in and we're going to go.

I don't have a good idea this way.

No, no, it's okay.

It's fine.

Time is the charm.

I'm thinking of this.

I'm happy that.

As long as we're not filming, I'm happy with that.

We're watching a stupid show.

Don't hit me.

Walt, stupid.

This is him.

He goes, we're watching a stupid show.

That's a guy.

That's a song.

Keith.

Keith?

Yeah.

I'm Brian.

I want you.

Hey, Keith, where's the magazine?

Where's the magazine stand?

All right, so two things

in that clip.

Walt feverishly searching for the magazine stand and Q being assaulted by some.

How annoying is it that someone feels because they've seen you on TV that they can get physical with you?

Like the girl who jumped on your back or...

Yeah, that was bad.

This guy, I mean, he hit me pretty.

He just ran up and like sledgehammered my arm.

What's wrong with someone that

they do that shit?

It makes no sense.

And then you hear him say like five times, oh, you stepped in it.

You stepped in it.

You stepped in it.

That was his joke.

Oh, yeah, that was his.

He was trying to do that to me.

So I would look down and be like, step in what?

Gotcha.

And I never did it.

I never gave it to him.

You're not the only fucking impractical joker at the College Woods.

But then he did it to other people to show me how funny the joke is.

And people were just like,

so we can expect to see that season nine.

I can almost guarantee you're going to see that in season eight.

I'll do that somewhere.

But it was just like, he really loved that joke.

And then he's like, he hits me and he says, I've seen you, stupid show.

And I'm like, well,

they definitely thought that the impractical jokers were at

the flea market right there, right?

Maybe, but if that's, then if you think we're shooting there, then why the fuck are you running up to us calling attention?

Like, it makes no sense.

Because

he's got a personality.

Oh, boy.

He's got a shine.

That was Keith.

We hear more about Keith.

We hear more about Keith.

Yeah.

Yeah, he he was an odd guy, Keith.

I don't know, he was an odd guy.

I think irritating is the word you're looking for.

Yeah,

I didn't appreciate getting hit.

I just don't even understand what's what what what

what's the goal of going up to someone to be like, you're on that stupid show?

Like, what is the goal?

Like, what, what I guess you want to say he's not a star fucker, but that's but all you have to do is not say anything at all.

Yeah,

yeah, like if you did, you wouldn't know either way, right?

Like, like, I don't get what the thing thing is like just don't say anything and I know you're not a starfucker

But I mean to attempt a lame joke multiple times assault me and then and then attempt to insult me I

didn't understand the approach but you kept about your good nature.

What am I gonna do?

This is my life

Did you hear his his tone, though?

Yes.

Yeah, but I don't think the common person would realize that the your attitude went down a couple decibels.

You definitely change, but to the layman,

you were still good-natured, they would feel.

I've gotten good at suffering fools.

It's pretty much all I do every time I step out of my fucking house.

Yeah, that tone of voice was one step away from Brody.

You still have that machete?

Yeah, what are you going to do?

It'll all be over soon.

It won't be long now.

It won't be long.

A few more seasons.

The Keiths of the World in the rear view.

We're going to redeem you, Keith.

All right, yeah.

Keith, we're going to redeem you, Kenya.

We're here with my new friend, Keith.

You work here?

Yeah.

What do you do?

I own the cell phone store over here.

I love it.

What's that?

The smoke shop.

Let's go look at it.

Let's go look at it, buddy.

We're looking at Q didn't buy his taser already.

We've all got some.

So, Keith owns multiple stands at the, or runs multiple stands at the Collingswood auction.

Smoke shop

and cell phone.

Cell phone.

Titan of industry.

I mean,

a lot of people have cell phones.

A lot of people do drugs.

You would think that that's a pretty pop-um stand, right?

Yeah, we're selling Jay-Sol and Bob bungs.

Yeah, well, water pipes.

Water pipes.

Oh, right.

Okay.

I think when it's his, he goes to the...

Tobacco pipes or whatever the fuck you need to call them.

I wonder if that fell off a truck, or did he order that?

He had to order that, yeah, from the manufacturer.

How inane a world is it that it's like the loophole.

If you call it this, you can sell it.

If you call it that, you're going to jail.

We all know.

It's so fucking dumb, it's unbelievable.

Now, do you think selling like a smoke shop stand is more

alluring to when you're out and about with people your own age, like Keith, rather than selling like pickles?

I don't think anybody hangs out with Keith.

Yeah, that's what we eventually learn.

It seems like that's not a decision many people have to make.

It was weird because later on, it's like, like, we'll get to it, but I just want people to know, to know now, going into it, like, nobody was shy about going on record about Keith.

Multiple people unconnected to each other

did not like Keith.

Yeah, like when he's brought up, they're like in solidarity about their distaste.

Yeah, my one person, as I recall, we didn't even bring him up.

They were just like,

I'd hate to be that guy.

Keith?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I will say this, like,

he meant well.

He wasn't trying to be a dick.

I just think he doesn't.

Like, socially, he doesn't know.

Yeah, like he wasn't being spirited, which is, I mean, it turned out to be a good conversation, yeah, yeah, that's just his personality just doesn't match with yours.

The approach was a little, but you know, or anyone who doesn't like getting hit.

My personality doesn't match with a lot of people's, you know what I mean?

I'm someone's Keith,

I am.

So, go step in it, go step in,

pow,

Yeah, all right, my make you we got the smoke shop on that side

So which stand is yours both of them both of them I noticed the uh the giant silent bomb bomb

silent bombs yeah

how do they sell

all right on the boardwalk they'll sound you know then have you sold even one be honest I sold maybe one or two yeah

bullshit one or two I I sold either this many or twice as much

bullshit he's lying

what

well he knows he knows we're friends with kevin he doesn't want to he doesn't want to insult us well why not just why would it be insulting to me why the would i care if he sold one or two you know what i was wondering though i know that you guys carry these water pipes uh new jersey's on the brink of legalizing marijuana what if uh this becomes a like a dispensary part of it you got to sell some fucking oh kevin smith branded weed if that saves the store

No?

Okay.

Now you're talking.

If it saves the store, you know, I mean, just because I don't partake in the

smoking of

hashish doesn't mean that

doesn't mean that I can't sell it.

I mean, if it's legal,

I mean, it's legal.

Right.

There's no gray.

It's black or white.

But if you think fucking Q's pickle platters are going to stink the place up.

So Kevin comes in and he's like, comics are out.

Oh, there's no more comics.

It's just a weed shot.

It's a headshot.

I mean, at this point, I mean,

you got to do what you got to do.

Right.

You know, and it's legal.

It's legal.

Right.

It's legal.

It's not like, but you know, if somebody's going to come in, do you have the harder stuff?

Right.

Like we did with the guy with the fucking knife.

Do you have the coke?

Brian, I told you no.

Do you have the PCP?

Do you have

Wow?

This is a guy whose last experience with drugs was watching a 1950s PSA.

Do you have the PCP?

You ever see somebody play a piano in their high?

It's sad.

Let me tell you.

It's heartbreaking.

So then there is no flaka section is what you're saying.

Oh god, that's great.

Someone who really knows, but here not really.

Are you a purveyor of the pot?

No.

It's always the.

I figure if you're selling it, you must be into it, right?

He's got to be into it.

If he's not, he should be.

He needs it more than anybody I've ever done.

If you found a joint in one of your daughter's pocketbooks,

you're going to be very depressed.

You're not going to like it.

No.

You're going to be disturbed.

But if it's legal, still disturbed?

Yeah.

I try to tell her.

When you get older and you are able to look back and you'd be like, you had enough willpower and

you're strong enough

to not not fall in with the crowd, you're going to be so pleased with yourself.

You're not going to need any other friends except me.

Sounds like you're high.

She's like, we're not friends now.

I don't know what you're talking about 50 years from now.

I'm telling you, I'll tell you, you're going to be so proud of yourself that you're going to just be like, you're going to realize that

you took no chances.

She already picked her tombstone out.

It's like,

thank God I didn't live life to its fullest.

That ain't living life to its fullest.

There are some things like, I'll try a lot of shit.

Like, there's still stuff I do want to try, but there are some things that I'm like, I agree with you.

It's like, that's not,

that is not living life to its fullest.

Like, there's shit that,

again, somebody on PCP, they get tased.

They get shot and they're still walking down the street.

It's Russian roulette.

You take some of that crazy stuff.

You don't know what's going to happen.

You don't know if you're going to be get hooked on it.

Some people die fucking taking

bad molly once.

Yeah.

Die.

Or like the heroin that they put out there that has all the fentanyl in it.

Yeah.

You know?

You can't mess with that stuff.

Nah.

Yeah.

I wish that

I grew up with, my kids grew up in a world with no drugs, so there wasn't like, it wasn't an option.

That's what I wish.

I feel like that is your house.

Do you have salt and pepper in your house even?

I just mean, but I can't control the world outside that house.

Right.

So I, you know, I wish that there was no.

You got to hope for the best.

That's all you can do.

You know,

live your life as an example and always throw it in their face that you never did anything like that.

Right.

That way you can sit in judgment from on high and be like, I was and always shall be better than all of you because I abstained.

I mean, it's a good plan.

You risk the small chance that they might not want to live the same exact life as their father, but yeah.

Yeah.

Who on the surface seems thrilling.

But if you really dig down deep,

it's not as fucking romantic as it seems.

There's a small chance, I'll grant you that.

I put exactly 5.2 miles on my car to work, 5.2 on the way back.

If you ever see my odometer more than 10.4 miles,

you should put me in a home.

It means I lost my mind.

No.

Do you got any weed or cracks?

Everything for tobacco you sell me.

That's it.

So

you don't use any of the products?

You're not a guy.

Everything we sell for tobacco, you sell them.

Oh, okay.

Do you use tobacco in it?

Tobacco.

Wank.

Nobody deserves that.

Can't fuck around with that.

That's what I hear.

Everyone who sells that kind of shit is exactly like that.

They don't want to joke around.

It's like going to the airport and being being like, oh, I got a bomb.

There's no joking about it.

It must be

must get come down hard on if they fucking say the wrong thing, right?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, if you're like, I could put weed in it if you want.

I guess that should be a jellable offense.

It seems to make sense.

How is uh, how long have you been here, buddy?

18 years now?

19.

2000 we moved in?

Yeah.

18 years.

So do you sell more tobacco-related products or phone products?

It's very non-committal.

18 years.

That's almost as long as a stash.

They would start

around the same time.

I didn't know that they were selling smoke-related stuff back then or cell phone stuff back then.

So wait, you think that

head shops started in the early 2000s?

I guess not, right?

I guess they would have started in the 50s.

Jack's used to be a head shop in the 70s.

Yeah.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

I mean, they had music and shit, but they had, yeah, Jack had like a section with it.

I thought all that stuff has come back into vogue now with the vapes and shit.

Oh, it has, but I mean, those kind of places, I mean, they're way more prevalent, but those places have always been around.

At the old stash, remember the dude used to sell the hippie guy before

he hanged himself.

Okay.

So, wow, that's a long time to be selling the head shop stuff.

But cell phones, that's just a recent thing, right?

You did.

Relatively recent.

I had a cell phone when I was 23

24

it's the big stuff it's the big right around the same time you got your license no no no no when i was 23 24 and i was late getting them like people had them already at that point i resisted about three years getting a cell phone that's 22 years ago is there a was there a big um like minutiae like products to go with your cell phone that there would be enough products to same shit now cases and and and fucking those ear things that hung down they actually didn't even need cases That was like a leather holster, which is really a questionable look.

I do not understand a guy who wears a fucking cell phone holster.

Yeah, I agree.

Yeah.

But I will say this in this guy's defense.

He ended up,

we had a questionable start, but I think he's coming off a little bit better now.

A little bit more likable.

Oh, yeah.

Why won't you like, stop hitting me?

You've been here 18 years.

18 years.

And did you ever work with Dennis Dennis, who ran the magazine shop?

The old Dennis?

The old Dennis.

Is the new Dennis?

No.

So then what the fuck are you talking about?

That makes no sense.

The old Dennis.

I don't even know.

If there was, I wouldn't know him either.

You thought he retired.

He had the magazine shop.

Maya died.

Yeah,

they moved the magazine shop to the back.

I heard he had syphilis.

Where's that magazine from?

It's in the back over here.

I don't want to talk to you.

You can tell.

I want to talk to the man who replaced Dennis that's selling comic books there.

I'm not interested in what

Keith has to say.

That's not all that interesting.

Because it's like, hey, so how about this about the pipes?

He's like, you can't say any of that.

And then, as you'll find out, the cell phones and computers are like, we can't talk about that.

Really?

Let's hear that.

Are these some sort of like

sex?

Meanings.

Those are bongs.

Yeah, why wouldn't your daughter want to be your best friend?

Are those dildos?

What?

No?

bongs.

I thought that when people get high,

they'll do crazy.

They'll just shove them up at their ends.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Right?

That's a good thing, though, huh?

Right.

So I thought maybe there was dual bongs and dildos.

Like one end is a bong, the other's a dildo?

How would you even smoke that?

You wouldn't.

That's why it doesn't exist.

Why?

You couldn't have one side

have a little apparatus

attached to it, and you put it in your mouth.

Sure.

And then you inhale and exhale into your butthole.

Oh, your own butthole.

Or somebody else's.

But what would be,

you know, people who smoke pot are real cool like that.

But what would be the point of having pot smoke in your asshole?

Would that get you high quicker?

I don't think so.

I think they perfected the delivery.

Yeah, if it did,

that would be widespread.

Like, people would have to.

Have you guys ever tried that?

No.

Well, I have to admit, I haven't done the research.

Together?

Like I said, I'm willing to try a lot of shit, Q.

well, let me get one of your

water pipes.

Let me see what I can come up with.

Yeah.

Revolutionizes pot smoking and fucking themselves.

But they were like sex toys.

Well, they could be.

Depends on how high you get.

They can't be.

Let's fit right in.

So, um,

do they double dentist plugs?

Wait, so you know who I'm talking about when I say the dentist thing?

Who did that?

He had gray hair.

Yeah.

Wow.

It's like, it's like when they give a

police report and the description of the guy is like, he had a black sweatshirt and he was

wearing jeans.

And that's it.

Because they don't want to say he's black.

They don't, you know, any number of things.

It's like, oh, yeah, he had gray hair.

It's like, just say you don't know the guy.

You don't know the guy.

New Dennis Old Dennis.

Great.

Shut the fuck up, idiot.

I don't like Keith again.

That was him.

Okay, do you, because we had heard from the women that work here that it it was something of a local Lothario, like a little hobby.

That the women all kind of had crushes on them and stuff.

No, that's him right there.

He's the hobby right there.

He's the hobby?

Oh my god.

That one basically does.

And this is your...

That's DC.

DC.

I'm AC.

He had one.

What does that mean?

Like, okay, like, swings both ways, AC, DC.

You got to get it.

I didn't get it, either.

That's a good one, though.

But you You got it immediately, huh?

That one floated around Staten Island.

They didn't get it, though.

He did not get it.

His friend, DC, seemed more with it.

Definitely.

He was definitely...

Some might say long-suffering.

He was like, I got into the business with a guy.

What am I going to do?

Dissolve it?

I got bills to pay.

Now, they had...

a shitload of merchandise.

Yes, they did.

And it was in surprisingly good order.

Right.

Yeah.

But also, surprisingly,

seemingly to what I would have think, outdated immediately.

I think they're selling to people who have

outdated phones.

Yeah, like get them as a like preferred shopper.

Yeah, yeah.

Not even like one generation behind.

Like the people like four or five generations behind.

Would that terrify you, though, that like you held on to this old generation merch too long?

If I was Keith?

Yeah, or AC.

I don't think AC I don't I know I I don't think they can

look too hard they can't be like for all I know they may be fucking making a lot of money right guess it depends on sales right but do you think there's a lot of people buying fucking like

1999 fucking

off the bench

I would say no but they're in business it's it's like you can hardly buy a computer from three years ago and have it be I mean they had fucking cords those those cords that you put on a phone,

the squiggly cords.

Yeah.

Oh, like for a landline?

Yeah.

Oh, I didn't see that.

Who the fuck is buying that?

A different color.

Like blue, tan, bass.

But people need that stuff.

I guess, I guess.

But if you do need it, I would just, I would go online.

I would go online.

I would be like, it would never occur to me like, oh, you know who probably has it?

ACA Keith.

But what if you need it right there?

What do you need that day?

I would buy it from there if I I knew they had it, but I just like if someone's like, hey, go buy this, I'd be like, oh, fuck, maybe I can buy it.

I'll go to a store that sells those card phones and I'll just take it off the phone.

Would you now?

You're a businessman, you've invested in some brewery lately.

You mentioned, I don't know if you want to talk about that, right?

No, I've talked about it on the airport.

Let's say AC and Keith are like, hey, we want to open a satellite store.

Would you?

Outdated cell phone merchandise.

No.

We need an angel investor.

We need some seed money.

No.

No.

I wouldn't consider it.

We only need $400,000.

What if it was the buy-in was

five grand?

I already have to worry about what's Ginnam going to do when this store closes.

I can't take on more people.

Well, with the contract, you buy in for five grand and you put in the contract that Giddam has to work there on weekends.

I'd rather just get him the five grand.

All right, okay.

Yeah, Giddam's going to end up, I think,

in a consignment shop owned by me.

Can I go to?

Yeah, you want to open it together?

Dream job.

You're talking about how you can barely tolerate him now, 15 years from now.

And I make Giddam his manager.

Hey, Flanagan, I just got off the phone with Hacondo.

Have you been on Twitter?

Then I would live stream from the store all day and make millions.

I'd be like $1, $1, and you get a month's access.

I would make so much money.

It would be like the Truman show.

Everyone would tune in.

It would be amazing.

It would be amazing.

Oh, I would love that.

You do computer repairs too, you say.

Have you ever done a laptop repair and found some stuff on it that was

dicey, if not illegal?

You mean like good stuff?

Yeah, good stuff.

Map-boring boring shit good

pictures porn illegal stuff

no i typically don't look at

those things yeah i just don't want to get involved you know what i mean i don't wank i don't know why i'm the fiancomer here

would you trust these two fuck-ups to compare your computer no first off he's lying there's i refuse to believe that those guys aren't like hey let's see what's on the hard drive oh of course they are they definitely are but they gotta say because he goes typically.

He's not even like universally or never.

He used to believe they could repair a computer.

Yeah, really.

It's like these are like the tech guys.

I don't, I don't.

Like, maybe swap out a hard drive, but

I don't, I won't.

Like, if I need a screen repaired at Apple, I won't give them the password to the phone.

I will never get a computer repaired.

If a computer breaks, it's time for a new one.

You fear there's something on there, we'll be compromised?

I think that although there is nothing pictures of us getting high with hoses in each other's faces,

that's hot.

I just feel like people have no,

if they know the TV show, there's no expectation of like.

Don't they have to sign a contract though?

Are they won't?

Do you see how all those fucking NDAs have been going for people?

Yeah.

Yeah, I just,

I never sell phones.

I never, I never get computers repaired.

Where do you usually go to get your repairs done?

I've only gotten one repair repair ever done, and that was I went to Apple to get...

Oh, in fact,

I blanked the phone before I gave it to them.

That means that they could never find anything about your history?

Yeah, they could never find anything.

I blanked it, and I wouldn't give them the passcode to open the phone.

They were like, well, we need to test the screen.

And I was like, no, you know.

I was like, I'll test it when I pick it up.

And they were like, fine.

Oh, actually, they started arguing, and then I said, I can't legally because of my job is what I told them.

And then they just moved on.

Really?

Why do you got to explain yourself to government, huh?

Like you're like an secret agent, man.

Yeah, that's what I was going for.

I would have believed it.

Is that the 555 number of computer repairs where he's like, hey, I just can't.

But why should he explain himself to these assholes?

He got a repair done, and they didn't get his password.

Yeah, Apple, Apple Store.

Mission accomplished.

Boom.

And I didn't have to throw anything or get angry.

Sounds like not that much fun, though.

Where's the thrill?

Where's the kicks?

I bought a new laptop do you remember this this was last year i bought a new tap laptop three weeks later i spilled water on the keyboard yeah i remember and laptop dot and they were like yeah we could fix that you got to bring it in we got to send it out and i was like well kind of got a new laptop i bought a fucking brand like two weeks later i want a new laptop because you're just terrified they're going to go through your history yeah not my history but my you know my family's photos of my family, photos of my house.

Any kind of personal info that's on there.

Anything, yeah.

So, unfortunately There's one person I've known for quite some time.

She works at an Apple store, the scroll page.

I would trust her to do it, but I'm like, if she has to leave it there and then somebody else has access to it, you know, when people look at my history, it's a dark and twisted history.

Sure, sure, history is that.

I got a guy on the inside in Apple now.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

I trust him wholeheartedly.

Gave him all my passwords.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Social security number, all that stuff, like, just in case you need it for some reason.

He's like, I was going to dox you, but Jesus.

He told me he needed to, like, organize my iTunes music, so I gave it to him.

Yeah, he needs, I need all your passwords for your banking and shit.

All right.

I mean, you're the expert.

He knew, you know.

Oh, yeah, because then you would have a responsibility to report it.

Where if I don't look at it, look on your shoe.

That's it.

Did you hear him in the background?

He's telling that joke.

He's telling that joke.

Yeah.

Two people walking by, he can't get enough of that fucking joke.

Well, it's addressed.

How often do people fall for this joke that your buddy keeps telling over and over again?

I'd say four out of ten times.

So it's a good solid 40%.

Did you hear AC's tone?

That is my tone when I hear the same joke from Giddam over and over and over again during the day.

That is a man who's

defeated.

defeated

40% that's not that bad I guess a return he got somebody yesterday with the girlfriend joke

oh this is hysterical the girlfriend joke the girlfriend joke I gotta say

it's good that Robin Williams hanged himself because it made room for a real superstar comedian.

The girlfriend joke.

Yeah, Keith, the girlfriend joke is absolutely brilliant.

Oh, I can't wait to, because I was dealing with Keith at this time.

Yeah.

What's a girlfriend joke?

When somebody comes in with a girl, they go, oh, you're here with a different girl today.

You were here with somebody else yesterday.

And then the girl gets pissed off.

Oh, Keith, you've done it again.

What an asshole.

So just let's just upset people and get people agitated for no reason.

I feel like in your position, like you're there with Debbie and Keith pulls the old girlfriend joke on you, she's not

even for a second, she's like, What's this guy?

Like, he's saying this because you were on a show and he knows comic book man, whatever.

She's gonna dismiss it as that, I imagine.

Yeah, she probably would put, she probably would take a second, she'd be like, What?

She'd be like, Well, I'd be like, Obviously, I wasn't here last week, we haven't been here.

Suddenly, you're just like, You snapped in it,

there's just no way.

There's like, it's just shut shut up, idiot.

Like, you're not fucking funny.

All right.

And, like, if you were with your girlfriend, and even if she was like enough to be like, this kid's a fucking idiot, you'd be like, fuck this guy.

Why is he trying to upset my girlfriend?

Why is he trying to queer my deal?

What did I do?

What the fuck is the matter with?

Well, when you do the buy-in for the five grand, you could tell Keith he's got a

no more girlfriend jokes or he stepped in a jokes.

People are cracking up too much.

They're not buying anything.

He's a fucking moron.

Did we ever get the name of this stand?

I think he says it at the end.

Okay.

All right.

What did you guys learn while I was conversing with my fellow Stan Islander?

He doesn't snoop on anybody's hard drives when he's fixing laptops and shit.

Yeah.

Which I would totally do.

No, that sounds illegal.

And then send them to you.

Do you know how to get on a dark web?

Yes.

You do?

Well, a Tor network, right?

What?

You're like, do you know how to get on the dark web?

And he's like, yeah.

And then it's like, I'm excited.

Then I'm like, oh, wait, you just go on the Tor network.

He's like, yeah.

It's basically like if you went to Google, you just, if you just go download Tor, then you're on the dark web.

Really?

Yeah.

It's that easy.

I mean, you have to know where to go once you're there.

Which, and I guess those are chat rooms and shit that like people, I don't know.

There was a drug,

they used to sell drugs online.

It was called Silk Road.

It was like basically an Amazon of drugs and weapons and all kinds of shit that you could get on the black market.

I found out about too late, so I didn't get any cool, cheap drugs.

But I would have never known how to get to Silk Road.

I don't know what the website was.

I don't know anybody who used it.

So I guess it's one of those word-of-mouth things.

I'm not saying that it's not that easy then.

No, it's not.

I would have had way more money, probably.

I was paying premium

for those drugs.

Sure.

You ever hack into anything?

Mr.

Mainframe?

No?

He said it's good.

Come in and give me another one right here.

No, sir.

Because hacking most things is leave.

Alright.

Yeah.

I thought you were still in the market, but I mean, nobody wants to.

What's that?

So yeah, what do you guys do?

I got a bunch of people.

Doing a podcast about flea markets.

Awesome.

So 18 years.

We used to be in this van.

Remember Run Won Flea Market?

Hell yeah.

I used to go to flea markets as a kid.

The Big Abba Bazaar?

Yeah.

I like it.

Dirt markets.

Anything you can find here.

Where do you get your product from?

I steal it.

No, I get it from China.

Oh, really?

Disgusting.

So it's all new stuff or it's used stuff?

I mean, I can't imagine these flip phones are new.

Yeah?

Do you sell many flip phones?

Maybe the hipsters?

People still buy flip phones.

Yeah.

Maybe a good secondary.

That was Waltz ringing up a purchase.

I don't know.

I kept this.

Why are people buying flip phones, you think, for drugs?

He was about to explain.

Drug dealers need them?

Yeah, I would think

drug dealers earner phone.

People who can't get

monthly phones.

So it's probably harder to track a flip phone, right?

To like to eavesdrop and

spy on them.

I imagine the government's figured that out.

Yeah, I would hope so.

Yeah, me too.

I hope they listen to everything.

We need to buy some flip phones, sir.

Like the India's please?

For legal purposes.

Come on,

hook me up brother oh burner

to have stepped in it sir

yesterday

weren't you here yesterday with your girlfriend a different one what a fucking dummy what a fucking insufferable dummy

What's the best selling?

What's the best-selling product in the stand today?

iPhone 6.

iPhone, you have some?

Brand new, 199 with activation.

You guys ever watch Better Call Soul?

Yeah, where he writes on a window, privacy sold here.

Yeah, kind of like that.

So that lends to your.

Yeah, they're saying, like,

you want to remain under the radar?

You come to Keith and ACs.

Right.

You don't go to Apple.

No.

Don't go to Apple.

They're going to look at your shit.

Yeah.

Go to ACs where

you can commit.

It is DC.

I'm not correcting him because I like it better.

Would you buy, let's say your phone craps out, would you buy an iPhone 6 from

that?

Would you not jump back three generations?

Work too hard to be rocking the iPhone 6.

To go all the way to Collieswood to get a piece of shit phone.

The iPhone 6 is the most current model?

I think they're up to 11.

Oh,

yeah, with a couple iterations within.

And like, there's 7, 7s.

No kidding aside.

So when he, I thought the iPhone 6 was something current when he said that they have iPhones.

Because I was like, that you guys have that here?

Because I thought they were saying they had the most current model.

No, they have the cheapest model.

That's why it's $199 with X.

It's still expensive, though.

For an iPhone, that's pretty cheap, man.

These iPhones are like fucking $1,500 now.

Yeah.

That's why Apple's stock is tanking because people are like, I can't afford to keep upgrading.

It's fucking, dude.

I can't get the fucking, like, now I got to go like three generations before, two, three generations before I go upgrade on a phone.

It's like, you can't spend fucking $1,500 a year on a phone.

I just got done paying this one off.

Literally, inside of three days, they call me and be like, hey, you're eligible for an upgrade.

I'm like, but this phone works.

Why the fuck would I want to spend more money?

Go to AC and Keith's.

Yeah.

Privacy is

sold dear.

Yeah.

You know, the jokes may not be as great.

We ain't selling jokes.

Loads of free.

Yeah.

Yeah,

if you can get through the jokes, if you can slog through them, then you can get a decent price on a phone that

that was obsolete four years ago that they're new iPhone 6s or he said they're new refurbished.

I bet you they're old their old stuff unsold stock.

What do you think they get them?

Probably they have like liquidators, right?

Yeah, yeah.

How much do you think they pay for an iPhone?

If they're selling for 200, what do you think they get it for?

I should have asked them, but I know they wouldn't sell it.

A hundred bucks?

Yeah, 50% markup.

Yeah,

I wonder how many people buy their phones at Keith and Yeezy.

He says they sell really well.

There's no guarantee, like, you have no, like, warranty with fucking Keith, do you?

No.

I doubt it.

Yeah, I sincerely doubt it.

Like, you're only, you're not even, you don't even have a warranty that they'll be there the next day.

Who the fuck knows?

All right.

This is basically the dark web of cell stores right here, right?

I like being in the boardwalk.

What service do you have?

I've been here so long.

Verizon?

Yeah, how much did you pay a month?

140 bucks exactly we've been looking up for a three-click service you pay what 40 what's up

wow so if i just go with them i can save a hundred dollars a month it's like part of part of that what well it's bullshit too why because half of or part of what that that cost is was paying the phone on a monthly basis

so

I guarantee that it's like it's it's like get him's phone where it's like oh wait I don't have Wi-Fi I can't make a phone call

Or minutes,

by minutes or data, or any of this other shit.

Yeah, I probably have like 10 texts a day or something.

That I'm like, I don't want to deal with your shit.

I'd rather just pay the 100 bucks a month.

Yeah,

only 40?

Depending on what brand you're looking at,

they did the Plus.

Do you got any phones loaded up with like dark web stuff that are already preloaded?

The two of you and this dark web.

He clearly doesn't want to give us anything in that regard.

He doesn't want to talk about the dark web at all.

I just want a phone that's already on it already.

Like as soon as you hit the Safari button, it's like, boom, you're on the dark web.

To do what, though?

Go on, like, just go on the dark eBay or something and see what's on it.

Dark eBay?

Like, what are you buying on Dark eBay?

I don't know.

I've never been there.

Rock bottom prices.

Restrict up here about a lot of stuff.

Do you guys get visits from

the agents?

The feds come in and make sure you're paying taxes?

Yeah.

Yeah, they ain't selling legal moogies.

What with the fucking surf music in the background?

As if it's not loud enough in the place, there's constantly somebody's music going or some other bullshit.

Like, what the fuck, man?

Turn that crap off.

I mean, they're not worried about your sound.

Clearly.

Clearly.

They're trying to create an environment that's conducive to shopping.

All right, well, fucking leave people alone.

Stop punching them and telling bad jokes.

You stepped in it.

That's something Sage would say.

You stepped in it.

With better timing, likely.

And she wouldn't hit you.

Oh, yeah?

Really?

Have you seen people get taken out, busted?

Chinese lady over here?

What are they selling?

He's got movies in China.

They climb and they pick something.

And they go and they look at it.

They go, let me see that.

They did it to me a couple months ago, and they're like, oh, we can't have this.

I said, okay.

What was was it in a box?

There's a vaporizer.

These guys are doing the reason.

They're using him as the.

They think we're trying to entrap them.

I mean, this is.

I appreciate what you're trying to do.

In retrospect, I wish we were.

What you're trying to do there, Walt, but like, this is where this format falls apart because

what are we to say to Keith's rambling there?

Like, it's, it's,

it's just,

we can't make people listen to that, Can we?

I mean, it's a slice of real life, right?

Oh, boy.

I mean, Jesus Christ.

It's diminishing returns because he went heavy with the joke in the beginning.

Yeah,

it's...

But they don't answer anything.

That's what I mean.

They're afraid.

Right now, they think they're being set up.

And

they don't know what's going on.

But they know us.

All three of us have been on TV.

No, they only know Q, I think.

No, they definitely knew us.

Did they?

Because the one guy said he'd seen the show.

Yeah, he actually, that guy wanted a picture with you guys, not me.

D6.

Remember Remember that?

I guess, I think the questions are scary to them.

Like, what the fuck is going on?

Why do these guys keep asking about illegal shit?

Are they now so like, are they, are they now working undercover because they got caught?

Now they got caught.

Their show got canceled?

Yeah.

Or they got busted or something.

Now they're trying to get their time.

Knocked down because they're trying to get us in trouble.

Something weird's going on.

Why do they keep asking about illegal shit?

Like, my microphone's in my lapel, which I'm speaking into.

Like Louis the Lilac over here.

Alright, well let's see if there's anything left and then we're gonna get to somebody really cool after them.

I know we go to somebody really good after the after the game.

Yeah these guys kind of stink.

Oh because it's

no electronics though, right?

Oh no.

Yeah.

That can't be they can't tell you you can't sell electronics, right?

Electronics what?

They did.

He just said they did.

Yeah, but why?

What would be illegal about selling?

Electronic.

Electronic what?

My friend owns this company called the Confan.

They make them here in Long Range.

They're portables.

You take them wherever you want to go.

So when they swooped in with the movie people, were they selling a ton of illegal movies?

Might say the movie people over here.

I mean, what?

They're scared.

They're so gun-shy.

They're very skittish right now.

Something.

I think Keith and AC may be into some illegal activity.

They definitely are.

They're sweating fucking bullets.

They're definitely up to something.

I hope they didn't take a cyanide capsule after this episode.

I do.

Keith is annoying.

Keith can shop without getting attacked.

Yeah, they're definitely...

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm like, I can't ask if someone else got in trouble.

And who's listening?

When you're recording this, we might be playing it for the feds.

That's true.

Or the feds may be listening.

We would be the worst undercover people ever.

I have a fucking phone I'm holding up to them to record what they're saying.

Or the best.

You hide in plain sight.

Yeah, that could be.

Maybe I got a fucking career ahead of me.

You could be a norc.

I would love to be a narc tattling on everyone.

I made it through.

There's no reason you should.

Now that I've gotten over the hump, everybody's in trouble.

I'm just gonna pull this ladder up behind me.

Rowing away in a lifeboat meant for 15.

See you suckers.

You're all in trouble.

And so they just took all their product and walked off?

The fence?

Oh, they arrested the guy?

They do it all.

Back in the day, in this flea market and other ones, they used to come for all the

all that kind of stuff.

People used to come to the flea market for it.

Yeah.

I gotta say, they have have a way of making something that could be interesting completely not worth listening to at all.

Yeah.

You know what?

They're gifted.

I asked you about the mob earlier, off mic.

Yeah.

Could Keith and AC be members of the mob?

And they like.

What mob is it?

The fucking douchebag mafia.

Are they like just so like they don't want to talk about it?

Because they don't like if they because they could get whacked if you know the wrong people hear this podcast.

I don't know, man.

There are positions in the mafia, and I don't know.

AC, I need to talk to you about something.

I heard you were giving information to these podcast guys.

You took a value for a murder

when you accepted this job.

You're a rat,

you're gonna die like a rat.

Those former TV boys, they work for me.

We're like, now you're in trouble, AC.

So where's the magazine guy?

That's my new text talk.

Enough of you.

I can't take it.

I can't take this bullshit from the magazine guy.

They really, it's like

almost from the moment that you're talking to them, you're like, these guys suck.

Like, they're not saying anything good.

They're so reserved.

I maintain that

DC has hidden depths that we weren't able to.

Oh, yeah, I think that that dude has some

skeletons in the closet.

Yeah, I think DC would be a good guest to have on.

Not Keith, but I think DC would be.

Yeah, I think he put Brian Johnson

in perspective.

Oh, yeah.

I think DC would be a good idea.

Sounds like a guy I want to hang out with.

That's what I'm saying.

I think DC's got some.

You got that vibe, too, huh?

Yeah, yeah.

I think DC's way more interesting than we get here.

And dangerous.

Yeah.

I didn't mean when I said anything about it.

And a Hadi, according to his friend, he was like,

I thought that was strange.

Don't all dudes do that?

I mean, me and you just did it to Queen.

We did just fucking double suck him.

You're right.

I guess I shouldn't judge Keith too harshly.

He's going to come in my mouth.

My turn.

So, about eight years ago we came here to do an episode for our podcast

and we're returning to see how things have changed, which they've changed a lot.

Yeah, thank you.

The landscape of

retailers in the market definitely has flipped over and there's a lot of new faces since the last time we were here.

I've been owning the shop for about five years now.

That's the name of the shop.

Oh, this is the comic.

It's the Collingwood.

Oh,

we are at the comp, we're at the guy who took Dennis's place.

Yeah,

he took place.

It's new Dennis.

It's new Dennis.

Yeah, he bought his stock, right?

He had some of it.

Yeah.

Some of the...

Well, he says it, I'm sure.

But this is...

I like this guy.

Yeah, but this is also

the perfect example of shoes that

are going to be hard to fill.

Right.

This is like when Tom Brady retires, the guy who replaces Tom Brady.

Yeah.

This is like what Dennis.

Yeah, but I will say this.

What's his name again, this guy?

We'll find out, but I don't remember.

I think it's Darren.

Darren,

he

is almost the anti-Dennis.

He lovingly takes care of the store.

He's friendly.

Not that Dennis was unfriendly, but he's very warm and open,

and he seems to have a very

open door, like inclusive little society going on that he's the head of.

I liked him.

I liked his attitude.

I liked his gumption.

I liked everything about this kid.

He impressed me.

Yeah, and he had a nice clean shop,

which is a major step up from

the legend that was Dennis.

I mean, let's be honest, though, I mean, there's not everything could be amazing.

You can't roast tint everything.

Yeah,

he definitely had a little problem with the tidying up in his stall.

Yeah, this kid did not have that.

No.

And he had such enthusiasm.

That's the other thing.

I really like this guy.

Well, he was like 30 years younger than Dennis, too.

Sure.

He had a little bit of sarcasm.

He had a little bit of sense of humor, too.

Yeah.

Not much, but there was some hints of it.

He was definitely an all-right guy.

Yeah.

You know?

Like, if you worked there, you had a booth there as a kind of guy you might, like, he'd be a one you might talk to a bit here.

As opposed to like AC and

what is that dude's name?

Keith.

Keith, yeah.

You'd stay on your side of the flea market.

You wouldn't travel over to their side to talk to them.

You wouldn't

need some dark web shit, I guess.

It is, that's a good point.

Like, all the booths around Keith NGC were out of business.

Yeah.

They were.

Maybe the people would just like if they...

They alienate them on that.

I'll go to another booth, please.

I can't stay here all day.

I'd rather just go get another job somewhere else.

Yeah, I'll go for it.

I'll give up my business.

Let's talk about hiring for greeters because

my partner and I bought the shop from Jim,

the magazine and comic shop, and Jim bought it from Dennis, who had it for decades.

So there was 40 years, I heard.

Yeah.

A second owner.

Where's it not working?

There was a second owner

after Dennis thing.

Yes.

Dennis sold it to December.

So you never got to deal directly with Dennis.

I bought comics from Dennis a couple times, but I didn't directly deal with Dennis.

I took it from Jim.

And, you know, Jim was another.

Who couldn't have had it that long right jim had it about a year jim offered to sell it to the stash

dennis's stock dennis's stole

and yeah he came in and how much uh it was crazy amount of money really yeah and i remember mike being like hey that guy wants to sell a stand what do you think and i'm like are you kidding me who the would go run it i go we're here all week you you really want to fucking now plan that we're going to fucking run a stand at collingswood too

no way hmm yeah you would need another another to hire another person, at least.

I wouldn't want to do it, even though it might sound like, you know, sexy and everything.

It just.

Oh, it does.

The colour ain't going down.

It would be very difficult to pull off hour-wise.

I might need you to hang out with me in my bedroom tonight and talk about working there every weekend of a year so I can get hard.

And what is your name?

I am Darren.

I cut it off.

I cut it off as Darren.

My partner and I bought the shop from jim oh wait we did the the did when jim bought it from dennis did he get the whole stock jim got all the stock and did you get the stock from jim we got the stock from jim do you have any dennis originals around you

they're mostly in the dumpster

did it would be tough to prove the provenance for any sort of dennis original like this guy intelligent too yeah i've never heard that word before well he's uh that's like pedigree right yeah he's a reader yeah he's a comic book reader i'm a fucking idiot no you're not not i'm an idiot i i don't you ever hear me drop provonos uh i've never heard him drop that either

provolone

yeah he he uh i think i asked him how much he i think we get the number from him how much he paid oh do we yeah i'm interested to hear that yeah because i remember it being expensive and i was just like

i was like totally like no way would i ever invest that much money in that in that stand Or Carolina Mini.

Yeah.

Well, I would never like advocate like going to Kev and be like, I think this is a great business opportunity.

No, you guys ran into that in Atlantic City thing, right?

Didn't you?

They try to run a satellite store.

It didn't last long.

In Atlantic City?

It was in some busted out casino.

It was like they set up like a market.

Yeah, it didn't last long, like for a summer.

And then there was like, wasn't there like black mold in the place or something and they had to shut it down?

It was just somebody who contacted Kev and was like, Hey, I'll buy this stock from you guys, we'll open it up up there.

And then it turned out he wouldn't buy the stock, he would just sell it, and then he would give us a portion of the uh,

and um, it was a cluster.

You drove all that shit down, right?

Yeah, me and Genem drove all the way to Atlantic City, drove all bay down.

That's so crazy, it just wasn't that, yeah.

Like, it they tried it, it failed within weeks.

We brought the stuff back.

That would be the extent of it.

Yeah, why repeat that shit in colors?

I mean, it's closer, I guess, but

because he didn't bag and board it.

So I'm sure a lot of the 70s magazines that I have, like, you know, like Vampire Tale stuff,

I'm sure a lot of that was from Dennis.

But, you know, his stuff was just laying out in the open.

So I don't have anything like one of his price stickers on it or anything.

Do you know if Dennis is still alive?

Yes.

He is still alive.

He got rid of...

That's good to hear.

Yeah, that was heartwarming.

I really thought the man had perished.

Yeah, you mentioned that a few times that day.

You thought you thought you were heard that he was dying.

Yeah, I thought I had heard that he died.

I hope this gets back to him somehow.

I don't think it will, but.

Well, he...

Thought you hope he's not dead?

No, that he hears this and how much, like, you know, we

cherish him.

He'd be willing to sort of get us in touch with him.

Yeah, it never happened, though.

Well, because we never contacted him.

Didn't we leave him our numbers?

No, I thought he gave us his number.

Well, we followed him on Instagram, so I think that was the way that we could.

Oh, is that it?

Episode 500.

Yeah, you're really risking it.

Yeah, you're really risking waiting, but yeah.

He just did smoke a lot.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Did he smoke in the like in the auction?

He smoked right in front of the comics, like, you know, blowing smoke right in people's faces.

Not on purpose, but.

what do you want

this gets all aggro

he had more stuff in his like garage i think it was and he sold all that stuff to one of my friends like a year or two ago oh so okay so recently he's he's been known to surface and he's yeah okay that's great yeah he's still

i'm happy to hear that yeah he's still in the area because

he just he's just retired he's not working

he might even have i think he still has a job job.

I think he lives in the Neptune area.

Whoa, what did he do?

What does he do?

Do you get another job besides selling magazines?

Yeah, which obviously is like a cash cow.

The shock that you exhibit, it's like, of course he fucking did.

That's like finding out Santa Claus isn't real, though.

Like Santa Claus is a part-time job.

It really is.

It's just like, you just think that he's just, that's it, 24-7.

It's just selling magazines.

It's just sitting on a stool.

Smoking.

smoking, and selling magazines.

You don't think that like he's working a nine-to-five, yeah?

You don't want to think of him like that.

No,

he's like the Jay-Z of Collingswood, just fucking pimping.

But this is exciting, though, isn't this?

We know where that, like, we know Dennis is alive, like, his legend continues.

At least he was a month and a half ago.

He might have

maybe picked up a job after getting sick of this 40 years.

And he's finally like, I'm going to do a time for something something new.

We'll just pull this together.

Now, you're a young man.

I'm not.

I bought a cane, as you can see.

Any chance whatsoever?

I know you're following in the footsteps of a legend.

Do you see yourself being anywhere capable of matching Dennis's

tenure here at Collingwood?

Where you could, like, maybe even match it or exceed the 40 years?

What young boy doesn't dream about that?

Can you imagine just grinding away decade after decade and still have to maintain a second job?

I mean, that would be awesome.

But there would be certain.

No wonder he smokes so much.

He's slowly trying to fucking commit suicide.

Like, if you break that record, though, they should retire.

Nobody gives a fuck about Dennis, let alone the person.

Nobody cared.

I tried to get a statue to rebuild.

Nobody would fucking bite.

Did you hear that

young Darren, who's now 75, outlasted Dennis?

They're like, who's young Darren?

I definitely don't know who Dennis is.

There's one guy who gives a shit about all this.

He's sitting right there.

I would have to live a good long life.

How old are you?

You look like you're about 35.

Good.

I'm 37.

Okay.

Good guess.

So I could get there.

I do it in my own life.

I do it if I'm home alone and somebody on TV says 37s.

I go,

it's a strange.

Did you think he was 37 or younger?

No, I thought he was in his 20s.

I thought he was in late 20s.

I thought he was like 29, 30-ish.

Yeah.

I was like, do you have your working papers?

Boy, you look young to me.

In 40 years, I mean, you'd still be, I mean,

with science today, I mean, 77.

You could still have three years to live after he retires.

Yeah, and I don't smoke, so I got a shot at it.

Would it be something you'd shoot for?

Yeah, this is being here is so much fun.

Okay.

Now,

spoiler alert,

it's not long before we find out it's not the thriller that he fucking claims right there.

Like, he starts getting a little bit more real.

And he's only been doing this for a couple of years.

Yeah.

There's no way this guy's lasting 40 more.

Like, no way.

But I'm telling you he's i think he sincerely likes it there oh i think he does too it's like any job like no matter what your job is you're gonna find fault with him be like oh this is a pain in the ass and this is annoying

but he has that mentality though that like

like you have that collector mentality

yeah

good enough

Yeah, like you need that to be to enjoy.

He genuinely enjoys being around this stuff.

You need to find that in any in any walk of life.

If you can just convince yourself yourself that this is enough,

you will be happier than you were before you convinced yourself.

Yeah.

Right.

So it's all about deluding yourself into like, well, or just if I don't buy into this line of bullshit, I'm going to kill myself.

Self-preservation more than anything.

I'm losing my goddamn mind.

Just give in.

Just submit.

It stinks because I have no social life on the weekends.

I can't go to concerts or comic conventions or anything.

Doesn't it close at like two, three?

No, it closes at six.

Oh, it closes at six, okay.

And like if I don't get here like at dawn, I've missed out on good deals outside.

Yeah.

It does sound really fun.

That was troubling to me.

That was the only thing he said that was get a mesque, where it's like he's got to get out there and comb and get good deals and stuff like that.

Yeah, that's that OCD shit.

Yeah, that, that, he, that was the only, that was the only red flag I got from our friend here.

And now, I go to concerts with my daughter.

That shit starts at like 9 o'clock, 9:30.

Oh, my God, I'm going to see Wu-Tang on fucking Saturday.

They're not

fucking doors are at 7:30.

I know they're not going on stage until 1145 at night.

Yeah, and you got to sit through all the acts that you're like, don't care.

With the Wu-Tang, there aren't even other acts.

They just show up at 7:30 and then you just fucking stand there until they decide to take the stage.

You know what?

You fucking love them for it.

But Darren, I think, is not being very honest, though, when he says, I can't go to concerts because he gets off at six.

Well, he's worked a long day, man.

He's tired.

You know what I mean?

You don't have to want to go off work and then go see Fleetwood Mac or whoever's playing at the local.

Well, yeah, he's like, he's there at dawn.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But the real depressing stuff comes with the girlfriend.

That's where I started to feel bad for him.

Yeah.

But just when you think not seeing concerts is low point.

Yeah.

He doesn't deserve that fate.

Yeah.

So what do you sell more of?

The music or the toys or the comics?

CDs and toys have been

the majority of what we sell now.

For big ticket items, it's going to be comics.

You know, I don't have anybody who really wants to buy a $400 CD or record from me, whereas, like, you know.

Do you have a $400 record on the shelf right now?

No.

No, okay.

But I've got like a couple $400 comics.

I'll actually quickly reprice it.

You know, like like I have like a first appearance, a swamp thing.

Someone's actually going to buy

mystery.

Yes.

92?

Yeah.

How's the secret?

These fucking peacock structures.

You know what?

You're right.

But like, that's just the alpha dog.

Okay, I know.

Yeah, you may be a good dude, Darren, but still, I mean, I work in comics too, retail.

I don't want you to remember that.

You could tell he did by the way he rolled over and showed his underbelly

like a like a little bitch.

Because he kind of was a little little condescending and he's like i don't have a 400 album on the wall i'm like okay oh i didn't think that i thought he was just yeah not at all i thought he was just saying like um nobody's you guys are retailers nobody will pay 400

we're always condescending

his pheromones is condescending

walk out of whiff of something he didn't care for

he did a good job he that's right i mean we really didn't set the stage he sells comics He sells a lot of old toys, man, like cool old fucking Transformers and like

all just open box, reach in, find the one that you had as a child.

Yeah.

Pay three bucks for it, and like you're happy again.

And a lot of CDs and albums.

Yeah, he's a really good.

A lot of heavy metal.

He was playing the old 80s heavy metal, right?

He was playing some Aussie.

Yeah, yeah, he was.

And

this is another bit of trivia.

His shop is located where the slot cars were from Making Hay 2.

That's right.

Those were torn out and Darren was installed.

Yeah, he said that they're down the street.

I would have been like,

they're worth relocating, but I guess so.

He said they were.

Again, one of those things I'm like, who gives a fuck?

But people do.

Yeah, and it's probably very

hard to find another slot car

place if you're into slot car racing.

Slot car racing is like those curly fucking phone things.

It's just like, you may want to utilize it.

You just don't know where the fuck to do it.

House of Secrets.

Yeah, Bernie Wrightson cover.

And then, see, that was him being like, okay, you knew it was the House of Secrets 92, but I knew it was Bernie Wrightson.

I was like, yeah, fucking novice.

Everybody knows it's Bernie Wrightson.

Yeah, even that asshole knows it's Bernie Wrights.

I'm like, yeah, even I know that.

Yeah, that's like, you know, like the rest of the people when you're in the same ring.

Yeah.

But you know what?

Fuck him because he has the comic in front of him every day.

You pulling that from memory.

That's right.

Yeah.

You, yeah, Walt doesn't have that comic in front of him every day.

Do you have that here?

We don't have it here.

That's a that's a that's a pretty pricey issue.

It was like I, it was a shame your wife wasn't there to watch you spank him.

Yeah, yeah, I will.

I will play this for her.

Uh, one of the few episodes, one of the snippets I ever play for, I'll be like, check out your man.

So you're not, yeah, you just start unbuttoning your shirt.

That's my voice right there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's just like coming in in a silk robe.

Like, that's just like skirting his balls.

It's so short.

I'm hearing on you, motherfucker, right there.

Bernie writes an art on the back.

Yeah.

He's like, I fucked him and now I'm going to fuck you.

Because I'm Walt fucking flat.

And this is how I do.

What are you talking about?

Is that the bear mace?

Yeah.

And like, that stuff just walked him to the shop.

So how long have you been now at this

comic crypto Collingwood?

Four years, four, four and a half years now.

We've been back here in the slot car section for about six months now.

But you were when you first started though, you were in Dennis's spot.

We were in the middle.

We were in Dennis's old spot.

Which did you go there now?

They're selling mattresses out of that.

Yeah, I couldn't.

It's been so long.

I didn't recognize it where Dennis used to for 40 years.

Do you think those mattresses were the ones that Dennis fucked all the girls on?

Yeah, well, I'm breaking up talking about it.

40 years the man sold comics in that spot.

I mean, so you only got 36 more years to put in here to match exactly

only,

you know, as long as you've been alive, that's all you have to do

here.

Here

at 36 years, how old are you, BQ?

Jesus Christ,

70

77.

Can you imagine if I text you or if texting's still around or I just like I just send him some kind of brainwave?

Yeah, and I'd be like, Darren just eclipsed Dennis.

Would you be excited?

I'd be like, we got to get down there.

Megan A10.

They're not tired of it yet, are they?

I remember when I was special

and everybody loved me.

Audacity falls on us if we do a make it a four.

It's going to be something special.

All your old favorites, Darren,

the new pickle lady,

Keith, AC.

AC's in jail, but Keith.

Skyping in from prison.

AC.

I can't answer that.

Skyping in on his iPhone 6.

Hey, Garth.

Ow.

We should have a banner up for Dennis outside, though.

Like, you know, like, you know how you raise

a trip or something.

I mean,

they would hang like an old bent-up hustler magazine in the rafters.

What do you think it would be

to get a statue of Dennis made and donate it and have it like outside?

Yeah.

And have it outside.

You know what?

We found that.

Is there a fundraiser we could do?

5K or less, I bet.

But the pickle lady maybe deserves a statue more.

She's been here longer, though.

Well, that lady hasn't.

She's only been here two years.

Those are new pickle people, too.

We'd have Dennis holding a pickle.

New pickle people came in the tent.

We'd get both things now.

A bent magazine in one hand and a pickle in the other hand.

How much could that cost?

That's practically heresy, man.

A statue of the pickle lady versus Dennis?

Nobody's going to argue for that.

Nobody's going to argue for Dennis either.

The Q is.

I thought it was a great idea.

I thought

if we could just do a fucking GoFundMe and get the statue in place, I think it would be amazing.

Why not celebrate?

Are there still guys who will do that, like in marble?

They'll like

how you there's guys that will listen to the show that could do it.

A statue.

You're talking about a life-size statue?

Not a life-size statue, but what about just a bust?

A bust of Dennis.

Yeah.

Doesn't he have to look like him?

Well, what the fuck's the point?

We'll just buy any old bust and just put his name on.

Like that Batman.

Was it Shakespeare, right?

In memory of Dennis.

He comes to this and he's like,

fuck this

supposed to mean.

Just sitting outside by the door on the ground.

But I guarantee you, there's somebody that can get it done.

Who listens?

They could probably get this done.

Yeah.

Yeah.

If somebody could even get us the pricing on it,

it would help.

Yeah, because I'm like, I don't know, like 5K, but I have no idea.

It might be 10,000.

You know who would know?

It's Kevin.

Why?

Because

he got a big statue done.

Not life-size, but a pretty decent-sized bronze statue.

Now, but we also would need permission from the owners of Collingzo to put it on their land.

Yeah, we would.

Yeah, we could probably investigate that before we invest in the statue.

Well, no, we could do this.

It's in the statue now.

Rent a booth in perpetuity and put it in the booth.

Oh, yeah.

Like an eternal flame.

And people could come by like a reflecting pool and shit, like just think of shit.

You know, so they tag that.

Think their thoughts immediately, like a dick would be drawn on Dennis's cheek.

Listen, we get some astro turf, right?

We got like a, like a, like a kiddie pool.

Put the statue in the middle of it so it's like a pond.

Put some fake little, and then put like silk curtains that you got to go and then play some light, like Sintaur music.

Oh, that's good.

A couple of bean bags.

People could hang out if they want.

Yeah, put a donation box.

You could smoke if you want, because Dennis is so into smoking.

You know, Keith would be breaking into that donation box.

It would be empty every night, yeah.

That's a thousands.

But why not?

Why doesn't the common man like Dennis get that treatment?

He should.

I don't disagree with that.

I mean, these people should be celebrated for their accomplishments.

It's kind of like, I mean, I don't know what they would do, but

the owner's been like a 40-year tenant leaves.

I wonder if, did they have like a cake for him or something?

Like, did they do anything?

Or was it like, all right see you later

and immediately he's like he's hardly out the door and there's a bunch of fucking mattresses with bed bugs and shit all over them in his spot.

They're like this is quarantine now.

This is we call this the shit booth.

This is the pest tent.

Can I go back?

No, you can't go back in.

Need a shot if you want to go over there.

And what is it like

a waiver?

What's it like to work somewhere for 40 years?

Well, I've been here 20.

But I feel like if you don't go in for the day, you're not like, oh, it feels weird.

I'm not at the store.

I'm sure you're rejoicing.

I don't think I'm going to make 40, but

I would like to.

I would like to, but I.

Why?

Why would you like to?

You want to be here when you're 71 years old?

What else am I going to be doing, though?

Any number of things.

Any number of things.

Go to Panera Bread, man.

Hang out.

There's a bunch of old guys that like to fucking

grouse about politics and

there.

Yeah, you see them right.

You want to be one of them?

No.

I would like to sit in a booth next to them.

I like to keep my mind active.

Like going to work keeps it active.

I agree.

I think when men stop working, like I think something happens to them.

They're climbing.

Yeah.

Start their own badges.

Just like,

get your period yet?

Now that you're retired.

Yeah, that happens a lot, right?

People want to retire and then they're like, I don't know what the fuck to do.

I never had this much free time.

That's why I'm going to be awesome at retirement.

That's true.

How has the internet affected the sales of the flea market?

Oh, business is booming, Walt, as you know.

Like, what kind of question is that?

You're twisting the blade because he fucking tried to show you up about the House of Mystery shit.

Oh, you know, it's a question that must be asked if you're doing a documentary about flea markets.

The internet eBay.

Is that what we were going with?

I didn't think we were trying to trick him, too.

But the internet and eBay has killed the need for the flea market.

The modern-day flea market is obsolete because of eBay.

People run immediately to list it rather than try to sell it.

over the course of like weekend after weekend.

Well, I can sell it immediately if it's hot or if somebody really want it.

Or I could try to trudge it out and and have it get wet, have it get sun-faded while it sits on my table outside in the elements,

like turn it from a hundred dollar piece to a $25 piece because I couldn't sell it quick enough.

Right.

The internet, it just is killing it, it's killing comic book stores, brick and mortar, and I'm sure it's killing

the flea market as well.

It's gotta be.

I'm sorry that it like that.

A dose of reality was a little bit too much for you and fucking

for me and Darren.

Yeah, we're like, not cool, right?

I still follow them on Instagram.

So I want to give everybody it's on Instagram, Collingwood Comics.

Oh, that's Darren's.

That's Darren's.

And you can see the store.

You could see the stock, everything we're talking about.

And if you're a single 13%er.

Yeah, that will be coming out.

That should be very, very soon in this interview.

Yeah, like bend over, show them some pictures of your butthole and stuff.

They don't like that?

No.

Okay.

All right.

I don't know if Darren wants to see that shit.

Why wouldn't he?

It's a young man.

He's lonely.

I would like to think the Brotherhood isn't, you know, that it's talking Aryan shit?

I mean, the Brotherhood.

Oh, okay.

Don't like buttholes.

Oh, y'all guys don't like that button.

There's a picture of Darren on there.

You can check him out.

There you go.

Yeah.

How has the internet affected the sales of the free market?

It's hurt it.

I'm not going to make it 36 years.

I'll tell you that much.

that's a dose of reality

i i guess you're right if i should have been more upbeat and celebrate celebratory and then bringing in that cold bucket of water realism right yeah i mean

he knows the reality you're just reminding him of the reality

he didn't appear shocked

who needs an asshole like me fucking coming in on a saturday us otherwise we don't got a show to fucking comment on

yeah if it it was all sunshine and shit and you're like don't worry darren like probably this internet thing will pass and people will come to the auction again

not jostle with it you have to almost everyone in here has at least one other gig in addition to the flea market like you have to know you have to either work another job or sell a bunch of stuff online like you can't just make it happen there was a time when you could just have the flea market could be your only job yeah but the internet has taken it so you have to get a second job that sucks sucks.

So, he's his host, worst enemy.

Why?

Because he's selling shit online.

No, he's like worst enemy.

It's the way you fucking survive, man.

You scramble.

Wouldn't it be so much?

I mean, unless you really like it, why won't you just sell everything online?

Like, wouldn't you, what?

Like, I would much rather have an eBay store from my house where I never had to go to, like, I could go to concerts and shit.

Yeah.

He's old school

i guess yeah he well

we're gonna hear a few things coming up

do you sell on the internet you sell on ebay as well you listen yeah you have to yeah it's no fun

it sounds it sounds to me like having the first job sucks little on the second job

i don't want two jobs my theory is if you get enough small just bad jobs you can have like one one decent job yeah it's pretty good i'm trying to get to that yeah but at least like also if you're doing your internet stuff you don't have somebody lording over you no boss you're like you're doing it on your own, right?

That's me trying to get in there being like, you know, anybody telling you what to do.

I hadn't fucking defied authority in a little bit, so I had to bring it up to him.

That would be the worst.

You don't have a boss, and you don't have a boss.

Oh, I have bosses.

Well, not bosses that are like, your bosses are not the same as fucking like

somebody fucking sends a Facebook message and your fucking boss is like, motherfucker.

No, I don't have that.

Ledondo just called me.

that's a boss

no i i i haven't had that in many many years right it's nice right yeah i because you feel like the boss actually i'm gonna be honest i think since i was like 24 at the sign company i haven't had a boss like that yeah because the fire department was not like that you know what i mean you just did your thing um and then from that to the tv show so i've been pretty lucky overall yeah sign chapel was hard though i remember

that was a rough not loving it no

that was rough.

He was soul draining.

He would look because you have to log everything that every phone call you made, every cold call, and he would look throughout the day to see how many you made.

And, like, fucking, if you didn't make enough, you'd hear about it.

Can you imagine?

There was a moment in your life where you had to care about that shit.

I had to pretend.

Yeah.

I had to pretend, or else she would have been pissed at me.

What a dark time in your life.

No, I'm talking about my fucking girl at the time.

Yeah, you are so depressed, man.

Like, think about it, man.

If you fucking offed yourself or something,

it was close at times.

No, yeah.

Yeah.

That was a rough, rough, rough time.

But that was the only beacon of light, if you can believe it.

Can you imagine that?

It was all I had.

Still, sometimes all I had.

Always hears shining.

not brightly maybe

i'm not complaining i'm very happy with my lot

how how many people have to pick up kiss figures before you're like fuck it i'm writing a sign to not pick up these kiss figures anymore

like why is it specifically for the kiss figures were people picking them up over and over people are picking them up

the figure and the bubble are really heavy on that card oh it's like because they pick it up by the card yeah they're the mcfarlin set so with the way they're picking it up i knew that they were going to fall off and the the other thing that I've learned is no one picks up things if they're actually going to buy it.

The only people that pick up things are the people who don't buy it.

They just have to, like, they just pick it up, they look at it, they register, yeah, this is a kiss figure, they put it back down.

Sometimes they tell me they had it when they were a kid.

They're never the ones who buy it.

And I'm starting to get, like,

more and more of a hair trigger temper the longer that I've been here.

So it doesn't make it.

Now he's speaking my language.

Yeah, I don't think his hair trigger temper is the same as your hair trigger temper.

They were doing 20 degrees.

So you mean he didn't destroy a file box today because he couldn't find something he was looking for?

No.

Did you find it after you destroyed the box?

Yeah, it was in the box.

That was sad to hear, though.

He's jaded.

Already.

Well, that's what I said.

Now he's really getting real.

Which is like, yeah.

It's hard not to become jaded.

Like, makes when people come in real life.

People are fucking annoying.

Yeah.

People are so annoying and they don't think they're annoying.

Like parents that come in with their kids who just like run roughshod and they're fucking grabbing comics and bending shit up.

Because you don't have to sell that later.

No.

It's like, how about you let a bunch of kids come into your house and manhandle your fucking possessions, you stupid assholes?

You know, fuck them kids.

Look at every time you hear that, that, that, the same story that they had it when they were a kid.

And that's it.

It used to interest me, but I've already gotten jaded enough where to now we're like, I'm like, okay, cool.

You want it as an adult?

then fuck off

yeah i try not to curse it though but if i stay here for 40 years i'm definitely gonna

wow he was that's a good joke

told you had a sense of humor he's a good guy he's a riot

i mean the bar so far was like you just stepped in it so

anything beyond that

You had any,

I mean, after I was shenanigans in here, you bring a little lady in here and be like, check out my market.

It's a comic shop.

Ladies don't want to come into your house.

Oh, that's not true anymore.

It's 2018, man.

They got like those horn room glasses and the purple hair.

They love that.

Yeah, what do you know?

You only work here.

Look around you.

The one girl is working on camera.

Yeah, so ladies are welcome to come here for shenanigans.

It's a safe place, is what you said.

You hear that, girls?

He's down to clown.

He's DTF, this Darren.

Bring your horn room glasses and your purple hair.

Yeah.

You know who we're talking to.

You know who you are.

You know

Yeah, you know who you are.

Now, just get down there and fucking show Darren your butthole.

You can't get real, though, say it.

Yeah.

Right now.

Yeah, this next part coming up, I remember it.

I don't want to die alone, Walt.

No one will save me.

Yes.

Yeah.

Not with Dennis.

We heard differently.

Yeah, we heard Dennis just slayed pussy left and right.

Awesome.

That's what we heard.

I think we heard it from you, but no, it's what that first woman, Linda, Linda, said.

She said that he was handsome?

She said that, remember she said that she thought he was handsome and the women and some women there had a crush on him.

He had to have fucking hooked up with somebody.

Was he a married guy, do you know?

I don't know.

I would like to think so.

I would like to think he was like, you know, beloved at home as well as at work.

What if you found out like he was a rummy and was like on the brink of losing his house?

Oh, I wouldn't want to hear that.

Would you try to help him at all?

Okay, so enough said.

Some of all those magazines got fucked up.

That's why they were so high.

I could see.

Got to say, another good joke.

This guy's good, man.

He's solid, man.

He's solid.

I do want to say, though, that no disrespect to Dennis, but if there's one thing you have improved upon, it's definitely the selection and the

presentation yeah the presentation yeah so pretty much everything that makes it a business

so much prop so so right there I mean it's

how do you improve on a legend well you did thank you it's a very nice shop and you know it's it's very very impressive thank you that's probably my partner like that the reason that it looks okay I buy all the stuff and then it kind of just ends up like this and then he yells at me

or he gives me like a stern talking to it's never it's not a yell but he gives me he gives me a stern talking to that he's disappointed and how cluttered it is and then i unclutter it and then i reclutter it it's like you were the kiss figures yeah you start to lose a little patience

step by step yeah uh have you ever been in uh jay and silent bob's secret stash yes what is your opinion on that store it's a cool store cool store I'm sure I remember the last thing I bought there, it might have been a shirt.

I might have bought a Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash shirt.

Competition

there.

That was four friends.

Oh, right.

Yeah, I always.

Competition is overrated.

That's what I'm like.

Where did Walt go?

You're the most competitive person I know in real life.

You and Sage, probably.

Like, literally fucking pissed all over him with the authority rights and stuff.

Always that.

There's nothing left to prove.

Is that it?

You're like, there is no competition.

Yeah, like, like, when Tom Brady beats an opponent, he doesn't fucking like trash talk.

He treats him with respect and he shakes his hand.

He's like, good game.

It's not as good as my game.

But that's implied and understood.

So you're just being polite and you'll be a good sportsman.

You don't want to be like an asshole.

You want to always be like.

I thought people liked that in sports, though, the trash talkers, like the Barclays.

But you still got to honor and respect your opponent, though.

If you don't, then you're really unlikable.

Nobody wants to, like, no one wants to see somebody showboat when you're up 45 to nothing.

That's disrespectful.

and nobody likes that i was disappointed i really thought you'd be like yo darren how's my ass taste

didn't happen

yeah i don't oh you're saying that they this guy ain't compared to jason

words

there's enough room in monmouth county for uh more than one comic book store yeah i think i think it's good having more than one store now he's scared he's on the ropes

please don't run me out of business, Mr.

Flanagan.

I'll give you 10% of every sale.

You want these kiss figures or yours.

Pick them up all you want.

I think it kind of gives the collector something to do.

They can make a day of it.

Like, oh, I'm going to go to these two, three, or four stores.

Like, apparently, somebody's selling comics in the Freehold Mall again now.

I've heard that from two different people now, that there's

people selling comics in the Freehold Mall.

And I think that's great because then

someone...

No, but then someone's going to buy comics in the Freehold Mall, and then they're like, oh, well, now I collect comics I heard there's Jay and Silent Bob's I gotta go there I heard I gotta go to Collingwood you know Collingwood yeah do you do you anticipate eventual backlash against say a big name

straight white male owned rich white male owned comic book store versus a little man

um it could happen yeah probably should

maybe as well just call it Walmart yeah it sounds kind of like the bourgeoisie of comics you know what I mean and if it makes you feel any better the guys that work there they're women repellent too so no chicks going going there.

Do you have a girlfriend or wife?

Oh, no.

No,

that's the part that makes you sad, right?

Well, it's going to start to get sad, yeah, right now, as he starts to tell a little bit about the personal life and the sacrifices that are made toll.

To toll.

That's a good choice of words.

I have, though.

Oh, look at that.

He wanted to make sure he got that in there.

I'm gay.

But yeah, we're not.

We're not just gay.

He's like, I've had human contact.

I'm 37 years old.

Yeah, I mean, I don't ever ask anybody that question.

Yeah?

Yeah, I don't know why.

I guess that's just a bit, for me, too personal to ask them

if they are in a relationship right now.

They are, they aren't.

I don't know.

Yeah, just to me, that's like crossing.

That's for me personally.

I would say it is overall.

But yeah, I don't think I would ever ask anybody that.

That is nothing compared to the shit I've asked people.

Oh, yeah, I know it's not.

But I mean, yeah, I just wouldn't ever ask anybody that because you couldn't get an answer like this.

Well, this is why.

It's like I'm just so sad all the time.

This is why we are the premier East Coast

investigative podcast, because we're a team.

Ask the hard questions.

We will cover each other's blind spots and get to the bottom of this.

I don't look at you as someone who's like, this guy never got a land version.

Yeah, no, no.

I just met currently.

You know, Dennis, but

has the business come between any relationships?

Because I know it's caused some strife in my own.

Like, I've been so consumed with comics and toys that my wife is like, come on,

enough with the comics.

Is that so?

That's true.

When did this happen?

Early on in our relationship, she's like, you love comics more than me.

Your point being?

Comics were there before her.

Somebody you got to love her her more.

Wait, this is not when you worked here, though.

No, this is one of my first met.

So like, you know, she's like, you know, I think you like.

I remember, it was on the first date.

So I had to prove that, no, I don't love comics more than that.

And you did, you cut back, I remember, because you were saving money and shit.

So, you know,

to show that, like, you know, I wasn't a lunatic, I, you know, I showed her I could cut back.

And cut out something I love.

Yeah.

That's a Mary Beth says something.

I'm like, yo, call me Papa.

I am what I am, baby.

That's

51, I ain't gonna change it.

In her defense, like, she caught me saying one time, I was like, I haven't read that book in over 100 issues.

So

I bought, like, I spent like $600.

It was true, you were like a completist of that.

So she was like trying to put me on the spot.

I was just like, she said, you never read that.

So you spent how much on them and you haven't read them?

Are you ever going to read them?

You stepped in it.

You just stepped in it.

Yeah, it's like, as she's saying it, you're like, she's right.

Reasonably and rationally, she's totally right.

Has no one said this to her before.

Yeah, like you examine your behavior and you're like, fuck.

Like, wouldn't you rather have a house, you know, your own place, like, more than Books of Magic?

A series you've never read or Sandman Mystery Theater.

Sounds like a fucking intervention.

And I was like, I would like my own place

and you know my own house more than because then i'd have somewhere to parole my house of mysteries

awesome where are you going

and she showed me there are my ways you know and i i i appreciate that that i i needed i needed her at that point in my life you know so wouldn't you rather drive don't you think you should get your license now than

you know worrying about if the hulk can beat thor

everyone knows he can

You're like, he can!

Yeah,

they almost fucking call the quits after that.

The Hulk beat Thor.

Fuck, did you just say to me?

I'm going to blame my lack of romantic success on the fact that I'm here every weekend and I can't be out there meeting people at the bar.

You know, like, that's what normal people do.

Is it, though?

Well.

Well, come on, man.

That's a cry for...

Not a cry cry for help, but like he's saying he's going to blame, he's going to use something else to blame it on.

He needs that to make himself feel a little bit better.

Well, this is why.

Well, what do you think the reason is?

I think he just may be.

He's got no game.

No, he just maybe seemed like maybe not as outwardly,

just not an outward personality.

He's too introverted.

Yeah, he may just be, you know, that may be harder for people who are very introverted to meet people.

So he's got no game.

I don't know.

I don't know if he has game or not.

I wouldn't know.

uh

he seemed to seem to have game cue i think i think we i think we got to get this guy hooked up with someone

no reason not to but then again though it's like you know we matter

we're directing 13 percenters to him but he's like i'm here all the time i have this other job i've got no time for anything so like why would a girl want he needs someone like debbie to come in and be like

he can manage your time you could there's time for it's about time manager debbie never said there wasn't time for comics never there's just not enough time for this many comics.

She was like, you guys got to, but you got to budget your

paltry,

embarrassingly low income

and not spend as much on comics and get a license.

And it was a lot at the time.

It was like 50 bucks a week, I remember.

I was making like 75 bucks a week.

I'm not kidding, like 75 bucks a week in the community center.

I remember those days.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And there's no like, and there's no like plan.

Like, I'm going, well, this is what I'm going to do.

It was like, there was no plan.

It was like, all right, $75 for the rest of my life.

I guess next Wednesday comes out again.

That's my fucking, that's my outlook today.

I don't know what's going to happen.

Who gives a fuck?

I just meet people at the flea market.

Maybe, maybe we should, maybe we should get them all.

Make a statue of them.

Get him hooked up

with a listener.

Maybe there's some locals.

I mean, a guy with his own business.

Yeah.

Q, would you.

We talked about this with Gethem.

Would you be his wingman one night, go out to a bar?

Yeah.

I would.

Nothing would make him feel worse, right?

Darren.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

He's getting

as little attention as he gets at the auction, zero if you're there.

No.

Zero.

No.

The only person talking to him is me being like, wow, he's hogging up all the girls.

How dare you?

No,

we would have to make an event, like a speed dating with Darren type thing.

Hey, that's not a bad event.

Let Darren choose.

Yeah, let Darren have his selection of the ladies.

That'll fucking play well these days.

Why not?

You know, it does, though.

For all everybody's fucking feminist bullshit and fucking, don't shame this one, don't shame that one.

All we have are shows like The Bachelor, where it's a dude picking amongst a sea of women.

Or like, hey, can you see this oddity, this big fucking 600-pound fatso?

Isn't this a disgrace?

But they disguise it as a TV show that they're helping them.

But it's not.

It's a modern-day freak show, right?

Come on, they freak out.

A bunch of

hypocrites.

What does that do with Darren?

What, with Darren?

Yeah, it was to do with anything with Darren.

That was just some sort of.

Call the police.

I just went an hour without mentioning those things.

I had to mention it.

What's going on?

Let's get back to the important things.

Oh, no, no, because it's Darren selecting

his woman of choice.

But yeah, should we do that?

A speed dating with Darren?

We should.

Throw an event one night.

Why we wouldn't.

Local bar.

Would you go to the bar?

No.

You won't go to a bar?

A regular bar.

Not a strip club, just a bar.

No,

I know the difference between a bar and a strip club.

Okay, do you?

Jersey, you can only drink in one of them.

Yeah, really?

No bars for you, huh?

No bars.

But you go to places with bars.

You're fucking constantly constantly at Applebee's.

They have a bar.

I think you would need to.

No.

Do it without you?

Yeah.

No.

It's Darren's fault.

Darren's fault.

Sorry, Darren.

And Craigslist doesn't have the prostitutes on there anymore, so it's going to be a dry spell.

Yeah.

I mean, house.

Entrepreneur.

I mean, that's just a leg up on a lot of people out there today.

Nice guy?

Yeah.

Knowledgeable.

It sounds like we want to suck his dick.

Jesus.

Was he standing there?

Are we just building?

I don't know what the fuck I would do if like strangers came in and just started like biggining me up and shit.

You know, they're like, No, you can do it.

You can get a girlfriend.

I'm like, Can I?

You think?

I mean, I've had one in the past.

You know that, right?

What a great world we live in.

Everybody comes in and says that to you.

I love it.

I'm just not sure how I would react to it.

You know?

Wouldn't it be awesome if every day some strangers came in and just were like, you're awesome.

You're a fucking catch.

You're a handsome motherfucker.

Yeah,

even once.

would be nice.

No bad looking.

I didn't ask for any of this.

Matchmakers.

Sounds great.

What's the worst that could happen?

All right.

I got half the business.

We've actually got a listener married.

Oh, yeah.

A couple.

That's awesome.

Did you get invited to the wedding?

We actually threw the wedding in the stash for one listener.

His name is Gatum.

I like how the one wedding you offer up is a wedding that

was not real.

Right.

But there has been real weddings.

A couple.

Yeah, there have been a couple.

From listeners who met because of Telum Steve Dave.

And episode 400, we should mention that, that like there's been pure bliss

for couples

only because they listen to this podcast.

No

people who met on this podcast and subsequently got married have ever gotten divorced.

It's a hundred percent success rate if you meet through Tell them Dave.

Right.

No one else can say that.

I made that claim.

The Catholic Church can't.

Nope.

Yeah.

Definitely not.

We're better at marriage than the Catholic Church.

But I wonder if those people who got married, who met each other through Telum Steve Dave, I wonder how often they think to themselves, like, wow, if I didn't listen to this podcast, I wouldn't be with the person of my dreams.

That's some heavy shit.

I know fucking Mary Beth is thinking that.

Or better, baby.

You hear that?

Who's the man of your dreams?

Say it.

Say my name.

I forgot about that.

And then I know that there was two listeners who met really nice people who got married.

And

it's a fairy tale.

That's awesome.

I mean, there was two guys.

That's why he says fairy tale.

Still awesome.

Having zero idea if he's gay or not

we don't care

not really yeah no no regard for anybody else

it's almost like daring doesn't matter yeah he doesn't oh he was there

a place this old school touched by technology you know like internet's fucking them up and there's some stuff you you probably can't get on the internet or it's just easier to come here but

like a place like this like this looks like a real salon

There is a salon there.

Oh, shit.

Holy, I totally.

We left the comic shop?

I guess we left the comic shop by that point.

I got a piss.

We left the comic shop.

Yeah, me too.

A place this old school touched by technology.

You know, like internet's fucking them up.

There's some stuff you probably can't get on the internet or it's just easier to come here.

But

like a place like this, like this looks like a real salon.

Sure.

Doesn't sound like you're sold on my real salon claim.

Yeah, I don't even remember what it it looks like.

I have no recollection of the.

Yeah, there were some ladies getting their hair done and shipped.

I don't remember that at all.

And why do you call it...

Were they black?

Yeah, it was

like black style.

The hairdressers are black, the two customers.

All their photos on the wall.

Yeah, yeah.

African-American salon.

Yeah, I mean, you know, as real as it gets.

Yeah, they're doing a good job.

Yeah, like he was like all the way down to Collinswood for a facial today.

Yeah.

Usually it's by the train tracks.

And you're making 10 bucks.

We're paying 10 bucks.

I'm paying a dude $10.

He gave me a facial.

He's like, do it for free.

I'm like, no, no.

I want to be a hooker.

I think I might be gay.

I constantly talk about gay stuff.

But you always have.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Why am I talking about getting facials and shit?

It's a disgrace, right?

Well.

It is funny because, like, my mind wouldn't think about giving or getting facials down by the train track

i'm not complaining i'm right there

these things aren't cheap

magic eraser

like clean no i mean a magic eraser if like you're cleaning your house and it's like it takes all kinds of all kinds of marks off like uh like sharpie yeah it's just like this weird I saw this before.

I can't believe Mike and Ming must not know that they sell kneeling pads, otherwise they'd be sold out.

Not funny.

Not funny.

You don't like it, huh?

No.

Yeah?

I thought I was right up your alley from your earlier jokes.

You don't want to apologize now at this point, Brian?

Fuck, no, I'm celebrating myself.

So we've arrived at the phone place,

which is definitely a highlight of this episode, I feel.

We never hit the phone place before.

Two other trips, right?

Yeah, which is weird because they are a long, long time resident of the collingswood flea market and for some reason we just never made our way over there but

well it's a bunch of fucking foam so you look at it and you're like how great could it be right it's just all foam remnants there is so many different shapes of foam and it's not just their that booth and the stuff stacked next to it they had two other booths rented and filled with foam giant blocks of foam it looks like they could cover the earth twice over with foam if they wanted to there's that much foam in these packed in there and and while it definitely was neat and orderly, it's just

foam stacked on top of foam, not wrapped in plastic.

It's just foam.

Yeah.

You know, there's no,

there's no dust blanket on it.

There's just giant blocks of foam.

It's exciting.

That was a pretty good time.

Are you up for a brief interview?

for a podcast about the foam industry.

I don't know if I'm the right person to talk to.

You probably want want to catch my husband.

Do you know anything about foam?

Not too much.

I know how to cut it.

Where does it all come from?

That's what I'm curious about.

Everything is right in New Jersey that we get.

But, like, is it from a furniture place that doesn't need it?

No, it's actually

a foam warehouse.

They get big giant buns and they slice it up however you need.

What is foam?

I don't know if I got a good answer to that.

Yeah, I don't think we did.

It's like, you know, it's obviously fucking man-made.

But what is it?

But I don't know.

She was like, it's kind of like plastic or rubber or something.

She, she, this is another.

We could find nothing we complain about with this woman.

She was pleasant.

She was great.

Very.

Lovely, lovely human.

Informative as she possibly could.

And she had a sense of humor, and she gave us

more than enough time than we would deserve.

Accommodating, knowing, like they're just asking questions about foam.

They're not gonna buy any.

Yes.

Like they don't even know what it is, but we did

wind up paying for some foam.

Yeah.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah, I forgot about that.

It starts as like a liquid form.

Yeah.

And then I believe, you know, now I'm guessing here.

And then they let it solidify and then it's like heated and cooked.

It's really weird.

Well, what are they making out of?

I'm not plastic.

Plastic?

Yeah, that I'm not honestly sure sure what, you know, whatever.

I guess I could just look at Wikipedia right now.

There you go.

Yeah, that's what I would do.

What's the name of this stand?

Collingwood Foam Rubber.

And how long has this stand been going?

Over 60 years.

Whoa, so impressive.

You're neck and neck with the pickle people over here.

Yeah, well, they're different people now.

We're still the same people.

That was like

what Walt and Eric going head to head.

She's like, fuck those pickles.

There's a certain pride in being there that long and being the same owners, you know, never keeping it in the family.

And hey,

credit where credit's due.

We've been here longer.

That's just the way it is.

The pickle people have been different people.

This is family-owned, never sold, fucking foam for life.

See, I would like to start how we looked at the comic book store Instagram, like a foam store Instagram.

I think that would be fucking hysterical.

Just if you could get tons and tons of followers.

Yeah.

That's what we do.

We start it, and then you talk about

how cool it is, and immediately people will go there.

But talk about aware how cool it is.

Oh, if you just like reap that repost on Instagram and you're like, this is my favorite Instagram account.

So, and we'll see how many people follow it.

Yeah.

And then just every day is just a different piece of phone.

Yeah.

Is it worth doing this?

It definitely is.

You won't last.

You may do one or two posts and then you'll forget all about it.

When is this going to come out?

This is another.

About two weeks.

Two weeks.

We will create when we're on the cruise.

We'll take some time to create the phone Instagram.

Fair enough.

All right.

Sorry about another ad break, but

with such a long episode, we definitely have to pay some of the bills here.

So, Alicia, happy to be joining us on this very, very special episode.

400 episodes.

So, this is a very historic moment that you're able to take part in.

So, I mean, I don't know if you realize at this, probably not at this point in your life, you don't realize how special this is, but maybe when you grow up and you look back, you'll be like, wow, I read an ad

on episode 400.

Another Casper ad.

Well, don't say it like that.

Another Casper ad.

It's good.

It's good, yeah.

And then again,

I'm so happy that Casper is a part of Episode 400 because they have been one of the longest

loyal supporters, sponsors of TSD.

So it is with great pleasure I present to you

probably the 300th Casper ad out of 400 episodes of TSD.

So Alicia, take it away and read that ad copy with all the pomp and circumstance.

What's that word?

Pomp and circumstance?

What?

Pomp and circumstance.

I have no idea what you're saying.

That means a party.

It means like it's special and

it's an event.

Yeah.

Like the Super Bowl.

Did I talk to you about the Super Bowl?

Isn't it going in the same one?

Yeah, it's going in the same one, but that was three hours ago that we talked about the other ad.

This is a five-hour episode.

So

about two hours ago, three hours ago, we talked about Maroon 5.

This one doesn't matter, man.

I don't know what Bible are going to be.

What about

Big Boy?

Okay, I don't.

You told me you never even heard of Big boy never heard of him i think that maybe you're the one that's out of touch maybe not me might be

but you've you've heard of him but before this who a big boy yeah no i did not but at least i knew who he was now though and then i said to you did you like big boy's performance and you were like there's no rapper named big boy

yeah

then you got pwned as i googled that big that big boy i got pwned what can i say all right but i don't know if big Boy

got as much hate as Maroon 5.

Why do you think that is?

No one knows who he is anyway.

You told me you weren't going to be a hater.

You told me you weren't going to be a troll.

A troll.

You told me you would never become one.

But really, though, why does Big Boy not get the same amount of hate?

as Maroon 5?

Because maybe he put, I don't, didn't see it.

Maybe he put on a better performance.

You know what?

He did come out in a mink coat, which I thought was pretty snazzy.

I thought that's supposed to be not good.

I don't know if it was real fur, but it kind of reminded me of Joe Willie Namath.

Don't know who that is.

Quarterback from the New York Jets.

Super Bowl III.

He guaranteed the win.

I mean, he only guaranteed one win, not Tom Brady, who guaranteed six out of nine wins.

But still, Joe Willie Namath did Broadway Joe.

That's what they used to call him.

He did it first.

He used to wear a mink coat on the sidelines.

He was the Tom Brady of his day.

Wow.

Just with only one ring.

Okay.

I don't know know what that means.

You don't know what I'm talking about.

No, I'm still excited.

I'm still on the Super Bowl

high for my Super Bowl party, which is me.

Socks.

Cooper had a party.

Party.

We were late on the Casper though while we were watching it, that's for sure.

Let's talk about Casper because that's where I was right on my comfortable Casper watching Tom Brady win a sixth Super Bowl and Cooper was keeping me warm.

It was better than a party.

It was better than a party.

Go.

Casper products are cleverly designed to mimic human curves, providing supportive comfort for all kinds of bodies.

The original Casper mattress combines multiple supportive memory foams for a better quality sleep surface with the right amounts of both sync and bounce.

Casper offers two mattresses, the wave and the essential.

The wave features a patent pending premium support system to mirror the natural shape of your body.

The essential has

just real quick, I don't want to interrupt you, but

when is this patent patent pending going to end?

When is it going to be not pending anymore?

You would think by now that the patent would have cleared by now.

What?

Don't let Sox come up and partake in the fun.

She sees us having fun doing an ad.

She just wants to come up and be a part of it.

Okay.

But the patent pending, I don't know, they have a patent on

this

technology called the wave and the curve and the bounce.

Maybe these are just...

They're waiting for the patents to clear.

Maybe they didn't update these because I read these about a year ago.

No, you didn't.

These are all new reads.

All new copy, as they say in the essentials.

Yeah,

maybe they are still waiting on that.

Okay, go.

The essential has a steamlined design at a price that won't keep you up at night.

Affordable prices because Casper cuts out the middleman and sells directly to you.

And there's hassle for your returns if you're not completely satisfied.

You can be sure of your purchase with Casper's 100-night risk-free sleep-on-it trial

to get

because I don't know what else I have, like, I have to say.

To get $50 towards select mattresses, visit casper.com/slash T-E-S-D and use promo code T-E-S-D at checkout.

And you're going to get 50 bucks off.

It's a pretty good deal.

And the promo code again is T

E

S D.

Best bargain, best promo in podcasting today, in my opinion.

What Casper?

Well, this promo code TSD.

Wow.

It's one of the

recognition.

It's like Mr.

Coffee.

It's like Joe DiMaggio pushing Mr.

Coffee.

TSD pushing Casper literally is

Joe DiMaggio pushing his Mr.

Coffee back in the 70s.

It's Phil Rosuto doing the money store.

It's all those icons.

That's what TSD and Casper have formed, bond and the partnership.

Part of

the show now.

I mean, celebrate episode 400 by buying a mattress.

You can't party any better than that.

I mean, that's the way, what a way to celebrate 400 episodes by buying yourself a mattress and getting 50 bucks off of it.

Exactly.

Is that it?

That's it.

You read it all?

You read all the necessary and must-read talking points?

I mean, yeah.

Let's go back to the halftime of the Super Bowl then.

Okay.

SpongeBob.

What was going on with the SpongeBob?

Why was SpongeBob

forced down?

I'm a SpongeBob fan.

Okay, yeah.

But

that felt forced.

That felt like it was like,

it just didn't make it.

It didn't flow.

Yeah, it was just like, it was forced.

It was just like.

It was very strange.

It was like you

skipped to a different channel.

It felt like they're like at the last second or like,

let's just throw SpongeBob on and like with a half hour left before the halftime.

You know, it's like, it was a very, very strange insertion of SpongeBob.

But I guess it was done because

well, to pay respect.

But again, I scratch my head because I'm like, why is the NFL paying respect to the creator of Spongebob, who is a great guy,

but

a lot of other great people have died too.

And the NFL hasn't thrown up a clip of their creation or

like, yeah, out of, because it didn't like, there's a lot of other people that like died that could have.

yeah i mean they're i mean they're

and if you're gonna do

all celebrities or all great people who have passed away and give them a little bit of uh doing like a compilation type thing yeah why i just don't understand why the nfl was like well we must do spongebob

because everybody wanted it because again the halftime show is directed towards younger people you know what you know what and younger people wanted that yeah you know what i'd hate about the nfl being like this like we got to get the younger people people.

Well, because I want to get everyone,

not just the like

football fans.

You said everybody wanted to see the Spongebob thing, right?

Well, I mean, yeah, a lot of people.

A lot of people, right?

Legitimately so.

But you know what else?

A lot of people wanted to see?

What?

The Patriots lose.

And it didn't happen.

Well, did anybody think it was going to happen?

Even I don't know anything about football, and I didn't think that was going to happen.

No, a lot of people wanted to see it, though.

Well, yeah.

All of America, they said, except for like a little tiny area up in the New England area, Boston, you know.

Why?

Because they win too much.

Yeah, they win too much.

Let that be a lesson to you, Alicia,

when you grow up.

Too much success will breed hatred.

And it doesn't matter, though, because they still won.

Still going to make money off it, so it doesn't matter really anyway.

But you know what?

Who has a lot of success, but no one hates them?

Who?

Casper.

You're right.

There's nothing to hate on.

They're the industry standard for foam mattresses.

You're right.

And I'm going off script now.

I could get in trouble, though.

So

let's end this now.

Let's get back to episode 400.

Casper, Postmate.

You can order a Casper and have Postmate deliver it to you.

That's right.

You should do that.

What a way.

Two birds, one stone.

All right.

Thanks, Alicia.

Yep.

All right.

That's it.

Bye.

Okay.

Goodbye.

My husband's grandfather started, yeah.

My husband's grandfather started.

Yep.

And then did his father go into the phone business?

His father kind of did.

It was more his uncle that did.

How did grandpa get into the phone business?

They actually had,

from what I've heard, they've had

a relative that did vinyl first.

And then they

decided to do the vinyl.

And the people that owned the building at the time said, well, spread out, you know, make it look like there's more than there actually is.

And then they were like, We need something to go with the vinyl, and they found the phone.

Whoa,

riveting, yeah, that was something else, huh?

That was a very polite wow from Q.

But it's it isn't riveting, but it's you know what?

It's still historic, though.

It's their history, it's her story.

Oh, good lord.

I thought we weren't going to get political here in Collingswood.

Her story

A lady who knows, you're like, so what is foam?

And she's like, the only thing that she said that resembled something that could be factual was it starts out as a liquid.

I don't know if we looked it up.

Anything from there was pure conjecture on her part.

Let me say this shit.

We never looked it up.

No, we never did.

Well, that's how interesting fucking foam is.

That's like moments later, you forget you don't care.

It would be nice.

like i can't imagine it a family business a johnson family business but if you're a family that gets along and you're like you want to like have a common goal towards building it that also can be what breaks the family up though you know

a business like that you know one person in the family thinks you should go in one direction you know other person thinks the family thinks no we need to diversify yeah have you run into any uh

Any situations?

I know Caitlin's shipping out all the Patreon stuff.

Has she been like, hey, man,

I'm the new generation.

Oh, yeah.

Yep.

She's changing me.

I love it.

Yeah.

And you know what?

Scream her down like you do, get him.

I told her, you know, you got to do it this way.

That's the way I want it done.

And that's the way it has to be done.

Or I'll find a new shipper.

Ooh.

It's like, who, Brian?

Yeah.

I got you by the balls, old man, and you know it.

You don't trust anyone, and your only friends are fuck up.

Figure it out.

What do we got here?

I can't.

I'm not smart enough to even explain what the Wikipedia is.

It's beyond me.

All right, well, let's

keep reading and we'll.

We'll figure it out later.

Yeah.

Is there a common usage that, like, what's the top reason somebody's like, I need some phone?

Sofa cushions.

Sofa cushions.

They got to repair them.

Yeah, when they're shot when they're that was a quick answer how many people are redoing their own sofa cushions

it was i mean that was so quick i gotta tell you it never occurred to me until she said it because i'm like because my couch is like probably like seven eight years old now so the cushions are a little bit and i'm like i guess i gotta buy a new couch not once did it ever occur to me like i can go to the foam store right But the answer was so fast that that must be what they're making, they've built their empire on.

Oh, does it sofa cushion foam?

Sofa cushions and well, she said people use them for mattresses and stuff, right?

Yeah, I think that may be rather recent.

Like, because I wouldn't have known because, like, if someone were like, hey, you want a foam bed?

I'd be like, no.

Like, I want a regular bed, like a human.

I'd be like a cripple.

Yeah, really.

I'm better than foam.

I mean, I'm not, but I would like to think I am.

All right.

Yeah.

So, how long have you worked in the market?

Me?

I've been here.

Oh, my gosh.

Too long.

You got customers?

Do you need to take care of these guys or pillows?

Oh, we're so sorry.

We don't stop.

We don't want to stop the sale.

Go ahead.

Hi, how are you?

Good to have you.

I don't want to step in front of the camera.

That's all right.

We'll sell it.

What's up?

What do you need foam for?

You're the customer?

I make my own pillows.

You make your own pillows?

Yeah.

And you sell them online?

No.

No?

Just for me.

How many pillows do you need?

No,

well, the last pillow I bought,

what, probably about seven or eight years ago, if not more.

What What was the one you used to buy that they don't make anymore?

They used to sell a contour pillow,

and they don't sell it anymore except in memory foam.

I need a sleeping pillow.

Episode 400.

Getting into the fucking

fucking deep dive.

400 episodes.

We've been recording for five hours.

Faceless woman's like, you know, I prefer the contour pillow.

What's that pillow that they don't make anymore?

Yeah, and we're like on the edge of our seats, like, oh wow, I wonder what it's going to be.

Oh, my God.

What do we do here?

Yeah.

And I come here at the film store.

Are you a regular customer here?

Gotcha.

Every few years, every five, six years or so.

Yeah.

So this is rare then to catch you at the film store.

Is there any time?

Be like, who the fuck is she?

Why do we care?

Why are you in charge of catching people at a foam store?

Yeah, why are you trying to catch anyone anywhere?

What's wrong with you?

Is there any other film store that you would go to before this one?

Or is this the only one you know?

That I know of.

Right?

Yeah.

It's been here for over 60 years.

Yeah.

Walt with his little, like, hey, hey, have you heard?

Fuck a pickle lady's like, what's he been saying?

I saw you got a little perturbed when the people in front of you, yeah, so

that was our fault.

Don't blame, don't take it out.

out.

I don't want her to lose a sale because of that.

Think of how much joy we've brought to you on Comic Bookman.

This wasn't random.

Earlier, she

recognized you.

She had recognized us.

I mean, it would be pretty great if I just said that to people.

Think about how much joy we brought you on Comic Book Men.

You're like, what's that?

That thing that brings you joy, asshole.

Find it in your heart to forgive.

Yeah, well, for a book, you guys brought too late for me to watch it.

Me

I used to set the

DVR for it.

Have you seen a rise in the cost of foam over the years that you've been buying?

Like I said, it might have been like six or seven years since I've been here to make my last pillow.

Right.

I'm just going to commit suicide.

This is again just a reminder.

She's like, it's for my 400.

It's for my casket.

You people have been listening to this for 400 episodes.

Yeah,

and this episode is like the length of the past five episodes.

You may want to stop by the house and watch her carve out the phone and

could we do that today?

Would you be up for that?

She takes an electric, you know, yeah.

Would you be up for filming that?

He's not even kidding.

No, I would have went to her house.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah,

Yeah, I think she thought, like, he's not serious.

He's a comic book man.

You know how they do.

I 100% would have went.

I would have wanted to see the home of a lady who's like, I make my own pillow every six years.

Like it's a fucking cicada invasion or some shit.

Oh my God.

And you know, everybody listening that you're about to hear how they make the pillow.

Get ready.

Get ready.

In excruciating detail.

How much will this foam project cost you today, you think?

Like I said, it's been so long, I don't know.

I just couldn't.

How much are you willing to pay for the foam?

$400.

What would be the price where you'd be like, you know what?

I'm just going to buy a new pillow.

She can't find the right pillow.

That's all.

No, that's the whole thing.

Assholes.

I'm sorry.

Embarrassing us now.

Yeah, we look like real dickheads at this point

we're this is gonna get better we're gonna wrap this up we're gonna let not wrap it up but we're gonna like bring it all around and make this interesting with a little competition the the competition and then the payoff at the end is pretty sweet somebody from uh somebody from our past uh

bear with us

let me tell you he's a he's a fine jokester

i custom make my own pillows to sleep in

like what are you not understanding?

Stupid fuck.

I'm releasing this.

Oh, my God.

Can we come to your house?

Can we come to where you make the pillows?

Oh my gosh.

She's ordered like six or eight different other manufacturers and never found the right one.

She'd wake up with a bet with her neck hurting really bad.

She started making it up.

I can't breathe.

Oh, this guy.

She's not explaining it right.

Let me tell them.

Let me tell them how you make your pillows.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Holy shit.

So, whatever she charges me, that's what I pay, and I go home and I make my pillow.

Why don't you take the next step then?

Start making them and selling them online.

Next thing you know, you're that pillow dude, right?

And you said that pillow sucks.

You said that pillow sucks on TV.

Yeah, so if you make a good pillow.

Wow.

Oh my god.

Why?

I

wouldn't suffer someone like me.

I'd be like, would you leave me the fuck alone?

Like, I'd be like, there's a crazy person.

Why is he telling me to go into business?

Like, fuck off.

Oh, my God, Almighty.

Everybody involved in making this

listening to this should be ashamed of themselves.

Yeah, if you're still listening at this point.

It gets better, I promise you.

Yeah, hang in there.

You haven't heard how she makes the bill yet.

He's about to tell you.

So that's not a huge piece of foam, then.

I bet.

No credit cards.

I'll bet you it's not that expensive.

What's your estimation?

What are your estimates?

I look forward to the foam booth more than anything that day.

I'm like, we're finally going to find out.

I mean, have you ever, at that level of like...

there's no anger there's it's just pure like wonderment

like i'm on molly

like i could use this later on but i'm chilling or i could use it at the foam booth

i stand by my decision

i don't even know like i said whatever it is i figured out how to do my own so whatever it is I mean, I've paid $100 for a pillow that didn't work.

Should we play Price is Right Rules?

We'll each guess.

And

whoever wins, the other two have to kick in and buy her foam for.

I'm up for this.

I'll do that.

Yes, I do want to measure on.

Now, this is why we went to the foam place.

This is exciting.

This is anticipation.

This is like edge of the seat podcasting.

I'm sure listeners at home are going, like, we have no idea what this phone price could be.

It could be $1,000.

Everybody's thinking about it right now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because if someone told me it was $1,000, I'd be like, that sounds like a little much.

But if somebody told me it was $100,

I'd be like, I don't know how much phone costs.

That's what you're telling me.

I'm paying for it.

Yeah,

I guess I got to give you $100.

Based upon what I'm looking over here,

I think this is going to cost

$12.

$12 for that?

Yep.

All right.

Let me see.

If my past phone purchases are any indication,

I'm going to say it's going to cost her

$11.99.

This is Price is Right Rules?

Yeah.

Okay.

So who's going to play Drew Carey?

How much would this cost?

Well, don't tell him yet.

Hold on, don't tell him yet.

I'm going to say nine.

You said $9.50, Q?

$9.50.

Hold on.

Okay, we'll go with $5.

Get her excitement.

Good, good.

The firmest one you've got.

I'm looking around 20 bucks.

Oh, I'm sorry.

20 bucks?

You won, Walt.

I won.

Damn, what a good time.

What a fucking good time.

With the weight.

All right, Walt.

Yeah.

Could you imagine if you had shut this off?

Oh, my God.

I don't think it's over yet, either.

No, there's plenty more.

Yeah.

The thing is, it's like, has she ever been asked questions aside from like, how much is this foam?

And can I have this foam?

Right.

Right?

No one is.

Would you accept this for this foam?

Yeah.

Ooh, that sounds a little much.

Yeah.

I mean, this in in any way, but I cannot believe how busy it is.

Like, you're still

season.

This is a very lucrative business.

That's why it's been here ever so long.

I mean, I don't know.

Okay, now, Q.

Yeah.

You turned down

AC and

what was the other fuck up?

Keith.

Yeah.

That you wouldn't buy in on their satellite store.

Right.

But this, but the foam place is like, we need it.

We were looking for somebody to bankroll a new satellite foam factory.

I would be interested to look at the business plan.

Yes.

You would have an intrigued enough to do a little investigation.

Yes.

You wouldn't say no outright like you did to Keith.

Keith, I just assumed you were joking.

But this.

Well,

it's a foam farm in Ethiopia that uses slave labor.

Well, don't tell me.

Yeah, you don't need to know.

Yeah, these are the plushies.

Like Kathy Lee Gifford.

The foam fortune that could be yours.

I would investigate it.

There's foam in them hills.

It was busy.

Very busy.

It was really busy.

People were coming and going for foam the whole time.

I might.

I wonder if I could make foam sexy again.

Like, maybe the

was it ever?

I think you could.

The must-have item of the year is your own homemade foam pillows.

Remember how people were doing those fucking dream boards?

Oh, yeah.

And we were all like, look look at these fucking crazy people doing dream boards.

We get those same

crazy people.

The same pigeons to fucking get into the phone.

Yeah.

We got to sell some money making.

You make some claims that are like a little bit grandiose, but not totally unbelievable.

Because it's not regulated by any industry.

Send the foam $5 and it'll cure what you would

draw a face on it.

We used to be on TV.

We used to be on TV.

Maybe we should get into the foam thing.

Say?

We wasted eight years.

Could have been right there.

Right there.

Say?

Do you think foam would have been more profitable than doing the show?

Like, if we went balls out as foam men?

It's possible.

I mean, I would need to see how they're living.

The people who own the foam factory.

Oh, come on.

They drive a foam car.

They fucking live in a foam house.

And they may very well be driving, like,

Maseratis.

They got, oh, man.

I got a buddy of mine

makes,

he has a, he makes grills and metalwork.

Right?

Sounds like, to me, the same kind of industrial type thing as foam, right?

Yeah.

Guys, fucking me pulling in

a ton of money.

Yeah.

Ton of money.

Gorgeous house.

gorgeous wife drives expensive cars it's it's people need that people need grills people need foam

people need foam yeah

and they always will always.

Well, here's the thing: it's not gonna like one day, it's like, oh, you know what, workplace foam, nothing, nothing.

The thing is, you gotta make foam sexy because

right now, it's people are like, it's blah, foam, and that's why a guy like me is like, I'll just buy a new couch, I guess.

It wouldn't occur to me now.

I may fucking go to that foam place.

Yeah, I wonder what new type foam they've developed.

Since I got that couch?

Oh, man.

Space Age, I bet.

Yeah, Space Age foam, man.

I'm just saying, I think we can do it.

We're going to turn it into something.

And then, ooh, and then we'll fucking run them out of business.

The family business.

We'll take a big

corporate foam is what we're about.

We'll pull down this, bulldoze that whole fucking market, man.

Just put up a statue of Dennis right in the room.

So out of touch used to are, you think that you can fucking take out a fucking foam place that's been around for 70 years.

I guarantee you.

You would lose fucking interest in 70 minutes.

We already belled on the foam Instagram account.

What would you do if another foam business came into town?

They actually, as far as I know, in here at least, they're not allowed to.

We've kind of got that whole, you know, we're grandpa.

I know it's like a mobster.

Yeah, yeah.

We're not too happy about this new phone business coming at the town.

Freaking out that fucking

go-to jokes.

It's fun to do.

You know, I like it better than your homosexual jokes 24-7.

Yeah, I'll just keep doing breaking out that.

Make that be your new thing.

I'll just stereotype Italian.

You're still allowed to.

That's true.

That's true.

That's a monopoly.

Yeah.

No, I think there's a lot of places like that.

Like, I'm sure there's not another comic book store allowed to go in there either.

You think?

Yeah, I bet you.

That's the only way they can keep them.

Yeah, I think that's a fair thing.

You know, like, we won't rent to a rival business that will hurt your business.

Because there aren't many businesses there that repeat.

Like, there's jewelry, a couple different jewelry places.

Yeah, there was jewelry.

But there's so many unique

shops.

And I don't mean unique, cool, don't get the wrong, like, just like

that was the great fire of the early 90s.

Yeah,

all of this.

Tried to burn up the phone company.

Yeah, did all your phone get burned up by that?

Yeah.

Is the home insured?

Yes, we are insured.

Yeah.

How much would you guesstimate is in stock right now, money-wise?

Over $100,000 of home right here?

No, I wouldn't say that.

These prices, yeah.

I just got charged at $10.

With everything.

Gosh, I really

probably between like 80 to 100.

Yeah, I would say.

With everything, the vinyl and everything that you have.

Before you married into the foam.

I was going to say, that's what old people do.

Like, he'll be knocking on doors with his cane next thing you know.

Did you have any idea how lucrative the foam industry is?

No, I had no idea.

And I met my husband when we were 15.

So.

So you worked here while Dennis worked here?

Oh, yeah.

All right.

One of of us was on point.

Yeah, it had gone too long without a Dennis mention.

But this heels.

Yeah.

We get info from this.

Yeah, that's true.

She says something that...

Wake up, everybody.

She says something that, like,

if I heard my wife or girlfriend said this about me, I'd be like, I'd put some foam out in the yard so she got hurt when I fucking threw her out the door.

Yeah, the comic book.

You know, Dennis.

You know, Dennis.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Well, you want to let her cut the things?

I feel bad.

Sorry.

We have questions about that.

You look like you don't care about our phone questions at all.

This was a couple of old people that were

not entertained by our monkey shines.

Not in the least.

They were pissed.

The old guy kept trying to block, because Mary Beth was working the gimbal, he kept trying to block her, and she's like, I'm not pointing it at you.

Like,

fuck off, you old goat.

Are you trying to buy some foam today, too?

I had some questions.

We might pick up your phone purchase.

Yeah.

Sorry.

No, no.

You mean I can't buy you off for $5?

I can't bend you to my will.

We're making a podcast about the flea market.

And this foam stand has been here over 60 years.

Now he's the fucking historian.

And this woman is like 80 years old.

It's not like it's a younger lady like the pillow chick.

And they clearly wanted nothing to do with this.

Yeah.

Did not care at all.

Does it like the education, they don't care about it.

They just want to buy their foam and get the fuck out of there.

We're really going to need it before Keith sees us.

Yeah, really.

Tell her business boy.

How long did it take you to become

trained in the art of cutting foam?

Um, till today.

You know what?

there's always something that comes up that's just a little strange and you're like, ah, what do you want me to do?

What's the weirdest?

Sounds like most of the dates I go on.

Thank you.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

This is a good question.

Someone's asked you use of foam.

Foam for?

Yeah.

That would be my husband.

My husband actually carved boobs for a costume.

Yes, for a costume.

He did that.

As As far as the vinyl, I had a guy that filmed spanking benches.

He would use the vinyl because you can make it clean.

A spanking bench, huh?

Yeah.

He's like, I don't want to tell you what I'm using it for.

I'm like, I don't care what you're using.

The dark side of things.

You know, right?

Who thought there would be a CD underbelly, right, in the fucking foam world?

A spanking bench.

Could you get into that?

No.

I'm not into spanking people.

I don't care for it.

Yeah.

It's

I'd like a nice right hook.

But

you're talking about over-the-knee, like schoolgirl.

If I'm not into that,

I'm definitely not into constructing an entire bench with the sole purpose of spanking someone.

I'm like, you're demented.

Get out of here.

Yeah, but you're not talking about

the

doggy style position, just giving the smack on the ass.

Right.

You're into that.

No, I don't really care about any of that.

Yeah, it doesn't do anything for me.

If the girl's like, oh, just give me a little slap, you're not going to do it.

No, I would, but it doesn't mean I'm more into it than I would be otherwise.

Ever get spanked, Walt?

I've never been spanked.

Yeah, by your mom?

No.

I was a good boy.

I tried to be good.

I got spanked anyway.

I turned bad.

I would never have done anything that would warrant a spank.

Bullshit.

He's such a liar.

I was with this guy one time.

deliver the newspapers called The Advisor.

Yeah, and it came in like a plastic bag.

And I think I've told this story before.

And one day I remember we took some of the plastic bags off the papers and we filled them up with water and we went down to Long John's, which was this local restaurant.

Talked about this.

Yeah, like pulled the door up into the kitchen where all these Chinese guys were.

And we were just like water balloons.

We would just lob them in there.

The guys, they're like, oh, God, I'll go tell my son, Ming.

Yeah,

As soon as I get done cutting this cat a pot,

he's so dead.

I don't know if that warrant is spanking, especially at that age.

We were like 12 or 13.

The seedy side.

Yes, the CD side.

Yeah, the side you don't talk about in polite company.

How long have you been married?

31 years.

31 years.

Congratulations.

Neither of them seem particularly congratulated.

What if you found out?

This was the pillow lady still, right?

This is the lady we bought the pillow for and her husband, the one who was there to make her own pillow.

She stuck around.

Yeah, I was glad that guy was there to mansplain every single thing she did or was talking about.

It was helpful.

She don't know about pillows.

What if you found out that

the foam company had been robbing graves and tearing foam out of caskets and that's what they were selling here.

Would that change your opinion?

I think it's a perfectly valid question

of an answer no to that.

Nah, that wouldn't bother me.

So you're saying a corpse leaked its fluids all over my foam

and it's not even cheaper.

I'm going through all the trouble to dig it up.

Yeah, really.

Open the casket, tear out the lining.

And then move to the next grave and do it all again.

I mean, it's 100% profit.

It's labor-intensive, but it's 100% profit

on the business.

As long as I don't know about it, I don't.

Doesn't matter, right?

It's like how your meals are made.

You don't want to know what happens in the kitchen as long as it tastes good.

It tastes good when it comes out.

There you go.

Thank you for all your

help.

So, Dennis.

Yes.

So you knew him well?

Pretty well, yeah.

Yeah.

And what, what, because we had heard that he was kind of like all the women at the flea market kind of had a crush on him.

Players.

Players, you could say.

Yeah.

I don't know about that.

Has anyone repeated this since we've been there?

Like, did they tell you about Dennis?

Like, I hadn't heard that before.

On the business.

Well, the women at the flea market kind of had a crush on it.

Play.

It's kind of play, as a kid say.

Yeah.

I don't know about that.

Really?

No, not me, at least.

I never met Donrie Dennis.

No, not me.

Donry Dennis.

So he never said anything.

He never hit on you.

He never made a movie.

He never came over.

He's like, you know what?

This foam would be good for him,

I mean, that's, you know.

So, you know, have you talked to him lately or no?

Okay.

What the fuck does that even mean?

What?

You know what this foam would be good for?

I don't know what I was thinking.

The tiny lay on like a bed.

Oh, like he's going to fuck her on it.

Yeah.

And her husband's like, oh, I wish I didn't sell foam.

Like, that's the ultimate cucking, right?

He, Dennis, fucks the foam lady on the husband's family phone.

Oh, man, all those years led to this.

Yeah.

He's like, we met when we were 15.

And she's like, exactly.

Even Dennis

is an adventure.

He wipes himself clean on the phone.

On your phone.

Now you've got to get rid of it.

Years, to be honest, with him when he left.

Do you socialize with any of the other vendors?

Like,

go out for a drink or anything?

Or outside of here?

Not so much.

Works work.

Yeah, works work.

You know, we're friendly with them, but

do you find that unusual?

Do you think if you worked at the forget, why am I asking you, Q, do you think if you worked at the Collingswood auction, like you might go out for a drink with one of the booth people?

I would hope so.

I would hope like I that I would make that type of connection with someone.

Who's the top contender from the people we've seen so far?

Oh,

Darren.

Darren.

Yeah, I think Darren.

So not Keith?

No, not Keith.

Although, I tell you, I think there's more to DC than we saw, but definitely not Keith.

Yeah.

And if you've been around here the longest, who's like the top vendor that people are like, oh.

The top vendor?

No, the top vendor.

The people are like, oh.

Jim makes a...

He's always busy.

No, I mean that people don't like that.

I was like, wow, that was really quick.

Jim must be an asshole.

What vendor do people like?

That was quick.

There we go.

Now we're going to the bottom of it.

He said Keith

with zero hesitation.

Almost as he was waiting for someone to ask the question.

That's how quickly he goes.

Yeah, exactly.

So Keith is not likable, it turns out.

If you haven't figured that out by now,

if you thought we were being hard on Keith, it turns out no one likes him.

That's true, Keith.

Yeah, down in the back.

That was quite good.

He does cell phones and stuff.

He's just.

Wait, was that?

Was that the guy we talked to?

You just stepped in it.

He sells cell phones and

smoke shops.

That checks out, actually.

The first time I met him, he hit me in my ribs.

There you go.

With Dennis, everybody liked Dennis.

Yeah.

Any good Dennis stories?

Anything?

Any good Dennis memories?

40 years.

Not one memory of the guy.

Ain't that a fucking

ain't that about a bitch?

40 years and no one has one good story about you?

Not even a memory.

Nothing.

A story.

It was a wash.

The guy in the background was like, yeah, I saw him trip once.

That'd be a story.

It would be something beyond nothing.

Nothing, right?

I think most people,

99% of the people on the planet, though, are going to die and they're not going to be remembered by

other than their people and their family though because a lot of people are going to be in like that shoes dennis's shoes are like i don't remember that guy yeah he meant nothing to me and

they're just they're just wrapped up in their own world and so yeah i i think that's common though

i don't know man like well that's everybody's fate yeah because i mean how often okay you got your grandparents how often do you think about your great-grandparents that's two generations removed and it's like who i don't know these people i don't give a fuck and that'll be us and well that'll probably be me during my lifetime, but at least another generation.

I mean, if there's people I've come into contact with through the store, though, that have passed away, and you're like,

I mean, I talked to them on a weekly basis, but then they died, you know, customers.

Yeah.

Like, the guy meant nothing to me.

But like, I don't have any stories to tell anybody, though.

Right.

You don't have any.

Yeah, but you didn't work next to them, I think, is there's a difference between comings and goings.

Yeah, like Marky would have stories about.

She worked there 15 years.

He left three years ago, which means they worked together 12 years.

Well, they didn't really, they worked in the same building, but they may not have crossed paths.

But she said they were right across from each other.

And she said she liked him.

Yeah, you're right.

So I was like, how would you not have a single story about someone?

I just think we're like,

there just wasn't nothing there.

He sat there and smoked and probably was quiet, said nothing.

Yeah.

Just came in, did his time, left.

That's what we're all doing.

We're all just doing time, Q.

Just fucking holding it down until the green.

Until the final punch out.

And it's coming.

Quicker than you think.

Yeah.

Or maybe not.

That's the thing.

I'll probably be fucking 105.

Like, I know it's going to happen today.

I know.

Yeah, I don't.

I don't know.

I know his place was always.

He just, I think he gave up at one point.

That's pretty funny.

He gave up.

I think he just gave up at one point.

I mean, that doesn't speak.

well of the Dennis legacy then, right?

No, we didn't.

Like at the end.

Well, we knew that, but I mean...

We just chose to celebrate it.

We knew that, but I think it's not something a lot of people consider.

Like, even Darren.

Like, if you were to really sit down and be like, 36 more years of coming here and doing the same shit and not going to concerts, fuck that.

Even Dennis gave up at the end.

Yeah.

We all give up in the end.

We got to.

Not us.

Some of us give up in the middle.

At one point, we'll give up on this at the end.

Well, the only way I'm going to stop doing this is if one of us die.

It's the only way.

Or move away or whatever.

Give up.

I mean,

everything.

Everything ends.

Everything ends.

Everything.

I mean,

this is what Make and Harry has shown us all three episodes.

It's futile.

It's just futile.

You know what, though?

Sage has been going to Sage's cheerleading.

You know, the basketball.

Oh, my God.

There's nothing more boring than middle school basketball.

Holy crap!

But I go because she likes it.

And I was thinking that day of a fucking meaningless everything.

I was like, no, nothing means anything.

And I'm watching these little kids play, and I'm like, eventually, this will mean nothing to them.

Because, you know, I played when I was young, and I don't think favorably about it.

But like, this little girl who was on like the scrub squad made a basket, and her face

was so, it was like

beaming.

Right.

And I'm like, even if, I was thinking, I'm like, even if like decades later, she doesn't give a fuck and is like, life is meaningless.

In that moment, that fucking meant everything to her.

That's a brick of magic.

That's a brick of positivity in her wall.

Yeah, she was really happy.

Like, she's going to go home and tell her parents, like, yeah, I made a best of it.

And, you know, if they're not like my parents,

they'll respond

positively.

I'm just going to say this.

It's midnight.

I have an hour drive home.

I have to be up at 7 a.m.

Okay, so we'll skip over these people.

Uh, there's nobody left, is there?

Well, there's the jewelry dude, you know, the one who

all right.

Fuck the jewelry guy, in all fairness, uh, he the jewelry guy was not that great.

You know what we can do?

We can put it, we'll put the jewelry guy into tidbits.

Ah, you're talking.

All right, well, you'll get to hear it at some point if you're on Patreon.

Oh,

if you're paying for it,

the stuff that we deem not even worth staying up for will be on there.

there.

There was one returning person who was there for making hay one,

two,

and three.

That was pretty damn fucking cool to have one vendor appear in all three episodes.

Yeah, and her life and to see how her life had changed throughout the three.

That was interesting.

So now for the final interview.

We've been all over Collingswood Boys.

Very few familiar faces.

A lot of turnover.

A lot of turnover.

But there's one, stalwart,

still here.

Rocking it, Tina X.

Tina X.

Come on.

Come on.

Here we are.

Eight years and changed later.

Isn't it exciting?

Remember when you thought we were all just little jerks that were bothering you?

Or are you still thinking that?

A little bit, no.

What's changed?

The fact that I realize that you guys actually have a podcast.

Yeah, a legit.

A legit podcast because I actually had some research and nobody, I think that was like really in the beginning.

It was like episode 12 before.

Yeah, yeah, wow.

How does she know that?

I think that once

people realized she was Tina X and she gained a little bit of celebrity,

she got more into it.

Yeah, I mean, you know.

She came to one of our live shows, really.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah.

People were getting pictures with her.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean,

that's crazy, though.

That is crazy.

It really is.

It's somehow crazier than people getting married or people meeting up.

Like, they're like, I don't give a fuck if the three of them are there.

Let's meet up by ourselves.

You know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

People being like, hey, can I get a picture with you, Tina X?

is nuts.

Yeah.

I love it.

In a great way.

Yeah.

It was very early on.

Yeah.

And you were suspicious, rightfully, one might say.

The first one I wasn't, because that was just me on coffee.

And now I'm like, oh, this is naive.

I don't know what the fuck she meant by that.

She's just trying to be funny.

Oh, was that it?

Yeah.

She must be attending Keith's fucking

comedy workshops.

Yeah.

He's like, no, no, no.

You stepped in it.

How many times do I gotta say this?

You were into Tay Diggs, remember?

I actually saw the picture up.

I got to say, when I was going through these clips, I was fucking impressed that you remembered that.

Really?

Yeah, because you're not big on like knowing who celebrities are, like, unless they're like circa 75 or something.

Or pliable.

Pliable, yeah.

So that you remembered Tay Diggs, I was pretty impressed with that.

You remember that name?

But the fact that like that picture still hangs where it was eight years later.

It's like that's, again, that's history.

But people, people need that in their life, right?

Some consistency.

So like not literally home, but you're like, I'm coming home.

Like here's something familiar.

There's so much, especially today, so much shit going on with politics and the internet and this and that and all this other shit.

It's like...

So some fucking magazine that she ripped a photo out.

Tay Diggs

still sits on that wall.

Yeah, and even though, as we find out, she may not be as into Tate Diggs as she once was.

Still hangs.

It's still there.

She's like, I'm going to take it down.

Probably not a conscious thing.

It's just like she stopped seeing it five years ago.

But we can pretend.

Amazing.

Still into,

has somebody supplanted him as your

go-to guy?

No, I want to go.

I've moved on.

You have moved on?

Yeah.

To who?

My boyfriend.

He's really sweet.

Oh, you're fine.

I met a celebrity crush.

I mean, it's just a celebrity crush.

Oh, he's going to kill.

My boyfriend's going to kill me, but he's definitely chasing Momoa now.

Oh, well, that's everybody.

That's a no-brainer.

That's an easy one.

He's a Tay Diggs.

What Tay Diggs got a little old on you?

Jason Mamoa.

Has your wife ever professed a celebrity crush?

Well, no.

She doesn't seem the type.

No, never.

It just seems like,

I mean, I could see someone being like, I think he's very attractive, but the crush thing angle is just so,

you know.

Schoolgirlish and pathetic.

Lame.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We're looking in your direction, Cindy Bunn.

Hey, you leave Cindy out of this.

I mean, I wouldn't call

my fascination with Tom Brady a crush.

Everyone else would.

What was Tay Diggs, a rapper?

Or a model?

No, he was an actor.

He was an actor?

Yeah.

Has he been in anything recently, or has he kind of fallen off the landscape?

I'm sure he's one of those guys that you're like, he's not in anything anymore.

And then if you look at his IMDb, he's like a billion holes in the world.

Yeah, probably.

I feel kind of bad but I don't know like it just doesn't have that swag anymore sorry Tate

we all lose it we all do

like we ever had it

my swag's gone yeah fucking swagger

Darren remember when we first came we had a lot of swagger now look at us yeah we had the swagger of young Tate Diggs's

so did you ever listen to the episode you were

I tried to yeah couldn't get through it

I don't know if we went over, but it's like I went to school for broadcasting and I didn't really like my own voice and then you had to wear headphones on and I don't know.

It's not really my thing.

I never listened to the whole thing.

How's your stand?

What's the name of your stand again?

Ling's Gifts.

How's Ling's Gifts doing?

It's really good.

We're still here, right?

Right?

I need to ask you.

Yeah.

How long have you been here?

Almost 25 years.

You look like you, to be here 25 years, you look like you would have been born in this store.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's what it feels like.

That's true, though.

With a lot of like Chinese restaurants and shit, you always see little kids running around there.

Like, I think it's like a cultural thing.

Like, they just grow up around the family business, right?

Which would fucking suck.

No, as I recall, you would have loved it, huh?

What's up?

If your family had a business at the Collingswood auction and you grew up there?

I grew up there.

You're like, yeah,

that would have been some childhood.

But going back to Ling's gifts, though, you remember what they sold initially, which fascinated us?

And they don't really sell it anymore.

No, what?

Doilies.

Yeah, you mentioned that.

Oh, the doilies, right, right.

Like, yeah, what happens one day?

You're just like, you know what?

We're not going to carry doilies anymore.

Doilies dry up, man.

I wonder, I mean,

why were they even hot nine years ago that they would.

Yeah, I don't even know what you use a doily for.

Yeah, like you put it on like on

a table under like a vase or something.

Yeah.

yeah i guess to not scratch things or whatever like i remember my grandmother having them like laced oilies

i was like you old cunt

yeah and i remember last time you were having some friction with your mother did that sell itself out you get that all sorted out or i think when you have asian parents but they care i do and i feel you yeah

they care too much

You know, there's a lot of parents out there, I realize, that don't really care about their kids.

Like, you know what?

They're ex-n's.

Like, a lot of them fall into the wrong crowd and I definitely fell into the wrong crowd but I always had like my mom in the background saying it's like don't do this

like I think I've matured a bit the wrong crowd's fun though right

the wrong crowd is fun though she's asking us if she's matured since the fucking five years ago making hay too if like it's a strange like like like she seems it's like that's the last time we saw you so we don't have a lot to base it on i think it was rhetorical man i think we spent like we had told making hay one two, and three of less than 30 minutes with her.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I think

she gave you information and she was checking with your thoughts on it.

I don't think that she

was coming to you guys for therapy or anything like that.

No, just validation.

Aren't we all looking for validation?

Oh my God, all the time.

Otherwise, I wouldn't say the things I say.

Notice me.

Please.

I need to be loved or hated.

I don't care.

Just pay attention.

You're gay.

Gotcha.

Right?

Yes.

I learned how to drink like a champ thanks to them.

Think about how exciting that is.

The last time we talked to her, she was at odds with her mother.

Yeah.

And now we have a more mature, like,

someone say smarter, on the right track.

Like, that's amazing.

You can be smarter every single day.

Yeah, but I mean, that's that.

Someone would say smarter, on the right track.

Like, that's amazing.

Accusing that, he's not loath to to make judgments here.

He's like, remember how dumb she used to be?

No, man.

Some would say smarter.

You gotta know, she agrees with me.

She does.

Well, she finished up school, right?

I think she said.

Yeah, man.

I'm proud of it.

You were flying high at this point when you saw Tina X.

I was.

It was like coming home again.

I mean, it was like...

Tina X was to Q like foam was to me

It was like like I said, it was the culmination of the trilogy.

Yeah, it was a special moment for me.

You make it hay one, we met her.

Make it hay two, we see her.

We come back, make it hay three, there's no familiar faces

except one.

And you could tell that you were

like, you were like on ecstasy.

I was.

I was really, really happened to be on bad ecstasy.

He's like, mom is rolling.

He's like, I was tripping Paul's son.

Yeah, it was a mile-wide grin.

I've never heard you like that.

You're so fucking awesome!

Jesus Christ.

Isn't she smart, guys?

Like, whoa, whoa.

She's scared now.

You're really like teetering on like fucking romantic.

You can't be contained.

Fucking awesome.

Fucking awesome.

Just somebody that sells fucking incense on gigs.

You are like

in the presence of fucking God.

She's like, hold on, I gotta go sell fat guy bath oils.

There she goes.

There she goes.

That's Tina X, right?

You ain't got shit on her.

I'm not going to die.

It's like a religious awakening.

Why are you guys reducing her?

It's not her, it's you.

She didn't do anything except exist.

It's enough, man.

I was excited to see her.

He liked her so much that, like, we got a tag from her later on, and he waited, like, 10 minutes, accosted by, like, crazy dancing people.

I'm like, Q, Q, wear this hat.

You should be smarter every single day.

Yeah, but I mean, that's, that's, I love, that's why I like to pass such a time, man.

You check in with Teen Axe and everything's going great.

She's kind of love.

How long have you been with you, boys?

For almost four years now.

Wow.

I'm convinced you're on coconut.

You hear how fucking fast he's talking?

You're like, oh, this is fucking great, man.

I can't believe this fucking shit.

You know, I mean, you got a fucking teenager.

She got a lot of her mom.

She got a new boyfriend.

Jay Diggs, he's in the past.

He's in the fucking rearview.

It's fucking awesome.

What are we talking about here?

That's true.

You are.

You really.

Shut up.

I was just thankful to talk about anything that wasn't fucking full for me.

Can't blame me.

Hour and a half.

Wow, things going really well?

I think so.

Is it serious?

Is it potential maybe marriages in the air?

Yeah, I think so too.

Oh, nice.

What's he doing?

He works.

I fucking hate that motherfucker.

Where does he live?

What's his name?

Yeah.

Is he better?

Is he fucking on TV?

No.

All right.

Well, then what?

It turns.

To the post office.

That benefits.

I like that.

I don't know.

I go crazy and start shooting people, I heard.

And

your mother approves.

Yeah, they really like him.

Then he must be an Asian guy, right?

Nope.

Not black guy.

Shocking.

Does he look at anything like Tay Diggs?

No.

Oh, only recent black family.

Tay Diggs.

No, my whole family's Asian and black.

My brother-in-laws are black, too.

Are they?

Yep.

I don't know why I'm shocked by that.

Or even mildly surprised.

Yeah, it's just new information.

Yeah.

I'm like, ew.

Yeah, no, I mean,

I don't know why I'm surprised at all.

And she did like Tay Diggs, so it makes sense.

The hell out for Tay Diggs, I think.

That's an interesting statistic, right?

Why do you think that is?

What do you think?

I think.

They like the Kardashians.

Yep.

No, we don't mess them up.

They stay.

And they're all still male.

But I think it's because

they're not necessarily more confrontational, but like Asian men are really

not confrontational at all.

They won't say anything if something happens.

To submit a bunch of bitches, is what you say.

Yeah.

Except for my dad, who said that?

Not us.

The guy who's a guy, who's a man.

Yeah.

You said it.

Now I'm I'm like, we're all men campaigning.

Like,

you put it out in the universe, she freezed, and then you

spread it out.

Okay, whatever.

Whatever's going to move this along.

Oh, all right.

See, there is a beard.

There's a guy who can grow a beard.

Yeah, so not some soy boy beta cuck who's like...

Yeah, I shouldn't have to defend a guy.

You know what I mean?

Right.

Like, if you're hiding behind me because there's like a roach on the floor or something like that, we have a problem.

Oh, my God.

Roaches aren't scary?

I don't think so.

I'm from New York, so like we see like rats in the training stations all the time and stuff like that.

They're not calling on me or anything.

I know, I know, but I mean, come on, you shouldn't disparage a guy just because he's scared of a bug.

That's why he has this cane.

He saw it one and collapse, so this

was slow as fall.

How dreamy.

Excuse how dreamy.

Did your wife ever, like, did you ever catch a glance of Debbie's expression that was less than

I can't get the light bulb out of the socket?

When I'm fumbling and bumbling at trying to repair something, you know, I'm not the most handy person.

You don't say.

Yeah, I've found that like you can.

distract from that by flying into a rage about it.

So you like, you're still as womanly, like you still can't get the light bulb out.

Now you're childish.

Yeah, and now you're like, she's, she's like,

I'm still looking for something that should make me stay.

But yeah, now you're a child of fucking, whatever, man.

What am I going to do?

I told you.

This is who I am.

Wow.

So not afraid of bugs.

Four years in.

Have you ever seen him cry?

Your boyfriend?

Q's grasping at straws.

He really wants to make this guy look like an asshole.

He cries a lot, right?

Like, cry baby?

Hear him whimper?

Nah.

I'm with you.

That's great.

I like him cry.

A real man.

If he cried, I wouldn't mind.

Well, is he a sports fan?

He is.

And he hasn't cried when his team lost?

No.

Who's his sports?

And he's not a real fucking fan.

Real men cry when

he lost in 2001 and in 2012.

I'm not ashamed to say I got that some tears or shed.

You're very emotional.

There's also a roach in the room at the time.

I understand.

He panicked a little bit.

A little bit.

It's okay.

He was on the chair with his skirt pulled up.

How's the doily business?

We, I don't even think we had doilies back then.

Are you phased out the doilies?

Even back then, we started out with doilies.

All right.

You hear him shock at the fucking doilies?

Yeah.

And I'm the only one fucking going nuts.

The doilies!

Not the toilies.

The toilets are gone.

Well, what do you sell then?

No, you had toilies.

You had to do it.

So you know more doilies, huh?

Toilies are killing.

What else are you doing now aside from this?

Because you were a student at the time.

I am a homeback operator for Recruitment Center.

What?

A recruitment center?

Okay.

Like just calling up people people and trying to tell them to not for like ISIS or something crazy, right?

Imagine.

What did she say?

She was a phone bank?

A phone bank recruiter?

I think.

So I guess she cold calls people to recruit them into

one of those people you love getting phone calls from, you know.

Who knows?

You may have got a call from Teenx and hung up on her.

May?

Yeah, you may have.

No, I would have to pick up in order to hang up.

If I don't know the person, I'm like, I fucking pick that up.

If they deport me, it's like, oh, you're a leaf for a show.

But no.

If that was a threat, I would marry you

and you would be my wife, and they would not be able to deport you.

He is really trying to fucking steal this girl.

Tell them, man, if she's,

I'm there for her, I'm willing to stand there for her.

Team X.

Just to clarify.

Wow.

Let's commit it.

Look, I'm not letting Teanex go.

We won't.

We're back here another 40 years.

We need her.

I was born here.

I mean, this would be a beautiful place to have a wedding, right?

Inside College.

Yeah, that's where I'm sorry.

Tie some cans to the back of the house.

People throwing rice or

that's racist.

Oh,

boom.

I'm right.

I love that.

I love that.

I don't, I don't know why he's so

have you seen that was here last time.

That first episode, you're the only one.

Ira, the Ira, the video guy, he used to sell the

porn DVDs.

The racy videos, he's not out there.

He might be arrested or dead.

Hopefully.

Remember, Ira

sold the hardcore videos.

I would think that that would be, that business would be very much

affected by the internet at this point.

Yeah,

yeah, he sees sales fucking dropping off.

I can't figure it out.

Boy, yeah, but I mean, like we said, she is the only one that would.

She,

what a legacy.

She appeared, the only one to appear in all three episodes of Making Hay.

Damn, this is not just

her story, it's our story, too.

Oh, wow.

It's practically a gay job.

Is there anything left to hear from her?

I don't think so.

I don't think so.

I don't think she said.

In fact, at some point, we get interrupted by a big fat guy who has a crush on her and comes every

what did we do Sunday, right?

We did it on Sunday.

No, Saturday.

Yeah, because TNX only works on Sunday.

And she had to go take, like, you know,

she was over at that point.

Yeah, that was a little depressing.

That dude, who somebody, one of the other guys, like, yeah, he has a crush on her.

He comes once a week and he buys these bath oils and shit.

And she's like, and she's like a fucking, like an alchemist.

She's over there like mixing shit up and stuff.

I brought some oils.

I bought some oils.

Did you burn them?

No, no, they weren't that type.

They were scent oil.

Oh, you don't light them or anything?

No, no, it's like perfume.

Oh, okay.

Did you use it?

I bought um

the there was uh

a scent that uh a girl that I did in high school wore that she was selling, so I bought it

to make some girl wear

I want you to smell like her.

ow, it got in my eyes.

What is that stuff?

Smell good.

Smell like a

Jennifer.

I actually don't know where that went.

Well, I don't know where it went.

Probably throw it away.

Maybe, yeah.

I don't know what happened to him.

Poor chicks.

He's crazy.

He's calling me Tina X, pouring oil on me.

Wow.

Well, that's something, boys.

Congratulations to both of you for your stick-to-itiveness.

Oh, you as well, my friend.

Yeah, definitely.

400 episodes.

The ultimate podcast trilogy, I think we now own.

I can't even think of who comes close.

The hours of Megan Hayes alone after this one, it looks like clocking in at over five hours.

Oh, my God.

People are going to see that runtime.

And we skipped half the foam lady and all of the jewelry, guys.

We'll We'll get to hear it.

Maybe not comments on it, but we'll play the audio on tidbits.

That'll be a treat.

Yeah, that'll be nice.

That'll be fun.

Bonus.

Making hay.

A little bonus content.

Well, then the people who have been there the whole time who are listening right now are like, so we don't hear the bonus stuff.

You know what?

Game isn't anything.

Thank you, lucky stars.

You didn't pay for it.

Happy anniversary.

Happy anniversary.

I got analytics from Declan.

If Q is in the title,

if his name is in the title, it's downloaded at a much higher rate than any other.

Get out of here, really?

Yeah, really.

So our thinking was, let's just put Quinn in every title.

I didn't know you guys are crunching numbers.

Anytime that his name is in the title,

the downloads skyrocket.

These are hard numbers.

Yeah.

Well, okay.

I didn't know there was a science behind it.

I didn't know either.

Science is success.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, success starts with Q in this fucking room.

And now I'm giving it up.

My dreams cap dancing fame.

And I won't be painting thugs until you guess my name.

Flanagan.

I don't give a fuck about nothing.

Fucking work.

Get a joke.

Mail a mail dick sucking.

And don't you talk shit?

Cause someone's gonna snitch.

I'll call you like.

Not too good, bitch.

Uncle cuts out your ass if you don't know.

Never say an uncle for the cable poke.

I'm fly but walk for the plane.

Have great taste, but all my meals are the same.

Wanna live the flea market life and crush it.

it.

If you see me live, I might hide behind a puffin.

My kids watch Q on TV.

They can't conceive that he plodded with me.

Picking up my pizza and I see you.

Who'd believe you're on my show?

Quinny Quinster, Quinn's the Quinn Quinn.

Quinny Quinster, Quinn's the Quinn Quinn.

Quinny Quinster, Quinn's the Quinn Quinn.

And now I'm giving it up, my painkiller addiction.

But I'm living with some friction ever since my eviction.

Why this damn bad love gotta dwell on me?

Thinking that a fuckers maybe pan put a spell on me.

I'm Steve Dave, the beer got Brian Johnson.

I wanna pay to watch a shoot up dope for fun.

From other cut on matter, wine and white gloves on the splatter.

Word to your mother, the lunch lady.

I fuck it.

When a carbon big time gets you down, think of that long hard drumstick when that fling's around.

Cause when rock stars approach me at the store, Sebastian Bach thinks I'm Alan Moore.

So my fellow space monkey will feature your name on pods with me.

Hues the zoner is my girl.

We'll go and use this cruise to do our show.

Quinny Quinster, Quinn's the Quinn Quinn.

Quinny Quinster, Quinn's the Quinn Quinn.

Quinny Quinster, Quinn's the Quinn Quinn.

By now there's a mob of upset teens wondering who those guys are and what this shit means.

They're confused by what this song is about.

They weren't even born when Maul Rats came out.

Give the listeners what they want.

But are they listeners that we want?

Stop right there.

Don't care how these numbers hurt.

Will they subscribe?

Will they buy a shirt?

Cues the craze and Tez D needs play, so fuck it.

We'll take out your fans who love you, peeking in that bucket.

Yoko watching teenagers who think your pranks are nifty.

That'll turn us 13% into 50-50.

And now I'm living it up because my life is the best.

I'ma drink it up like my beer from the Midwest.

After a long day of refractively joking, I'll be stroking new wives that are morally poking.

The fame in this game waves like hell on me.

Like a fresh and kissing devil's full of decades.

I know there's a fire, but I can't go.

I gotta give a presentation where my clone is Rosie O.

Not tied down with children or a missus.

Cause I'd only need it for like 30 Christmases.

Cats up, kids down, don't mess with me.

Kentucky Colonel, like my girlhunt to restee.

You'll know the tax men are not cash.

When you see me stealing three Nintendos from your trash, skeletons and a Rebel Cycle Moleskin Journal, he's a colonel, Christ.

I'm a colonel.

Make no mistake, ladies and gentlemen.

The comedic expertise coupled with the use of his razor-sharp humor not only makes Mr.

Quinn funny's member on both his podcast and television show,

but also ranks him amongst the most beloved funny men in history.

Quinny Quinster Quinn's the Quinn Quinn.

Quinny Quinster Quinn's the Quinn Quinn.

Quinny Quinster Quinn's the Quinn Quinn.

The most beloved funny man in history.

Winnie Quinster quins the quinquin.

Winnie Quinster quins the quinquin.

Winnie quinster quins the quinquin.

This has been a production of Smodco Internet Radio.

Sir, only at smodcast.com.