#397: Prank Superstar

Yeah.

Fuck.

We'll cut that out.

Could we talk about gay boys?

I know about things before I was born.

Tell them Steve Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

It seems quiet.

It's because there's only three people here today.

It's been a while.

Yeah, we needed to decon.

It has been some time.

We've done a bunch of projects that haven't come out yet.

And the last couple of pods have been

fake.

Yeah.

It gets out of control.

It was starting to get to me a little bit.

This is what I look forward to, this sort of very intimate

time to ourselves.

Well, it's more like hanging out.

Like when we involve so many people in this project, the project, which is in the end, good because it's good to have all that stuff.

And I do enjoy doing it, but it seems more like work and less like

just gonna go down and hang out with Walton Brian.

Yeah, well, there's so much uh coordination and shit that goes into a lot of people here the other night, yeah.

Yeah,

you'll hear about it and probably in four weeks, yeah, inside of countdowns on to 400.

What episode is this?

This would be 397.

So, this one two more 98, 99.

So about, yeah, so about four weeks,

400 drops.

And the world will never be the same.

I was considering

doing a fake number 400, dropping it, and it would be that I saw comics that we did that they won't release.

That'd be so funny.

I wanted to address

a comment.

Because I don't go to Reddit.

And the main reason is that I hate spoiling what someone inevitably tells me for whatever fucking reason, like comments on Reddit.

I love to just find out from other people what I'm not looking at on purpose.

This would have been get them.

And it's not a big deal, but I'm like, and I don't know why I would like, I would never go onto Reddit to address it.

But somebody mentioned a watch that I was wearing.

Okay.

And that I was spending all the Patreon money on it.

Or on my Patreon money.

On a watch, right?

Which one,

I wasn't mad about it, but I was like, say I bring

my car to a mechanic, right?

Yeah.

And then I pay him, and then he gives my car back.

I don't question what he does with the money afterwards.

It's not your money.

It's his money.

Now it's his money.

Yeah.

Because he's performed a service.

Sure.

Bought something.

So wait, people are saying that

they paid into Patreon and then you have the gall?

I guess it was a fancy watch.

How much was the watch?

The watch was like $3,200.

Oh, that is an expensive watch.

Now, it's a watch that, and this is the second part, that I've had for three years.

Wow.

And I might add, was given to me.

This is the watch I got you.

No, it's not the watch you got me.

It's a watch somebody else gave you.

Have you given out $3,000 watches?

No, the watches are all out.

Yeah, it was way more than that.

But

I'm just like, what does it matter?

Like, what does it matter to anyone?

That's what I does.

Any of this shit matters.

It just shows how your stature in the world.

I mean, people are

overthinking, like, when Kim K wears like a necklace or something.

Right.

People are always speculating about the price.

Now, you're in that, you're in the same conversation now.

I'm in that same exact zeitgeist.

People are like speculating, like, how much did Bry spend on that watch?

You know, it's the same, not as, not as fevered or as many people as are wondering about it.

Probably close, though.

Yeah.

it's wondering about kim case how much she spends on her accessories but still i mean it just shows you've arrived i guess so yeah oh haters haters they're jelly i suppose but yeah i remember but i just want to allay people's fears if you do have that fear no i'm not spending all your money on fancy watches well i mean you have a history of like going cuckoo with the accessories though spending like hundreds of dollars on pens yeah so i mean maybe they were just looking out for you to i hardly spend a dime anymore.

I haven't spent money in so long on anything major.

No, when you buy two pencils, like say you need a pen, are you going to go buy an expensive pen or will a BIC pen do?

I don't like BIC pens?

No.

No, but I would get a nicer gel pen where you might, you know, you might get three for like six bucks or something like that.

I might splurge.

Good pens, very important, man.

Yeah.

To bankers and fucking people who are signing contracts.

He's a writer.

Yeah, I signed contracts.

Oh, he writes.

Do you write with a pen or you write on your on your your tablet?

I write a lot of notes.

I write a lot of notes, yeah.

Yeah, I don't really like writing on the iPad.

It's just an easy life upgrade, too.

Get yourself a nice pen.

And it works out in the long run because you could buy.

All right, so you spend, let's say, $100 on the pen.

And then...

The pen I use right now is like 30 bucks, but that's what I do.

I just buy refills.

Sure, 30 bucks, right.

And then the refills are, over time, will cost less than buying new pens.

Yeah.

And less wasteful.

Way less wasteful.

But you could lose it, though.

And it's devastating.

Sure, but you can't go through life like that.

Or You could lose your family.

You could lose everything.

Once my dignity went, I didn't care about pens anymore.

I could lose a pen.

I don't give a fuck.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

Reddit is still

unkind.

As I remember it.

How long is it going to take for this 100% approval rating?

I mean, wait a minute.

I've been waiting eight years.

It'll happen.

It'll eventually happen.

400 is going to get that 100% approval rating.

I think so.

Any day now, we're going to do the show that they want us to do.

Any day now.

Yeah, somebody complained about something the other day, too.

It was a Patreon person about one of the, I can't remember which.

Might have been Space Monkeys.

Oh, yeah?

Might have been.

But I'm like, I don't even know what the point of this is.

You got to vote with your wallet.

Like, if you don't know by now that it's just going to be what it is, then I don't know what to tell you.

Just vote with your wallet.

I see your notebook out.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I got watches to buy.

I see your notebook out.

Is that some of the notes you took with your

fancy?

Let me see if I can still find this.

If this is still up.

Oh, God damn it.

Hold on.

It's not iPad causing you problems.

I know, see?

No, I had it on this link on DuckDuckGo.

And

it reminded me of you, Walt.

Did you see where the

child porn ringleader got the living shit?

He actually got killed.

Where would I see that at?

The news.

Look, dude.

I mean, look, the news is only political at this point.

Because there was a girl that they just found.

Go on.

Her parents are murdered.

She's been missing for four months.

She was found yesterday.

And that wasn't the fucking top news story.

That was something about Trump.

Yeah.

I mean,

how jaded or how crazy is this world is where you find a girl that you, a 13-year-old girl, was kidnapped, her family was murdered and she was found alive and that's not the top story in the country dude didn't you hear that donald trump was breathing hard while he was talking

what the fuck like why is there not a 24-hour news service dedicated to that if you complain about trump at this point you're a fucking asshole you're an idiot you offer nothing to the conversation nothing what do you mean all you complain

shit like that shit that's like oh he misspoke oh like like these people that look for every tiny little thing.

And I don't even, I don't fucking love the guy, but holy shit, man, like the obsession,

the demented fucking mindset it takes to find something like that and just fucking go after it.

And the other people do the same with the fucking weird socialist lady, AOC, who's dancing on a rooftop and they tried to make something out of it.

Oh, my God.

I was like, who the fuck?

What?

Like, what are you trying to show me that she looks hot in college?

Oh, my God.

She's got great tits.

It's like.

If you were showing me that, I'd be like, hey, check her out.

She looked pretty good.

Yeah.

As opposed to like, oh, can you believe she's recreating the breakfast club dance?

But like that, like that's great news story.

I mean, it's a good feel-good story, too.

Is it?

She was probably raped and like all sorts of horrible things.

But she's alive, though.

Sure.

She's alive, though.

And written off for dead.

And, you know, I mean, it's so rare.

This is that Elizabeth Smart all over again.

And it's a story that, like, you know, that makes you at least feel good that she's alive.

Yeah, she's going to have a lot of

things to overcome.

I mean, some things that no one can really, I mean, you can't even imagine.

But at the end of the day, though, she survived.

She fought to live and she made it.

She got away.

Oh, this chick.

I saw this a while ago.

Yeah.

It happened yesterday.

No, no, no.

I mean, I remember this girl going missing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And like a creepy, like, 911 call.

They can hear scuffling and then nothing.

Yeah, they can't find her.

Where was she?

She was kidnapped by some psycho.

21-year-old man shot a Wisconsin couple to death at their home in a scheme to kidnap their teenage daughter and then held her for three months in an isolated town before she managed to escape.

13-year-old girl.

The news that Jamie

was safe set off joy and relief, 60 miles away in her hometown.

I don't know.

To me, I know what you're saying.

It's like that's not...

No, you're right.

It's to be celebrated.

It was great to hear

that

somebody survived that.

Because whatever happened, whatever happens next, she's alive.

Yeah.

Right.

That's how I felt when Elizabeth Smart was found.

I remember just feeling like,

and that was the top news story, but that, when that happened.

I don't know if you remember, but that feeling of like, like, I felt

good for her parents because

you could see how happy they were.

Now her parents.

Did you see her eyes, man?

Like, when Elizabeth Smart got back, like, her eyes were.

Did you see her father's eyes?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

They always were the eyes of somebody whose prayers were answered you know with like it was amazing like it felt so good for that guy now her parents aren't alive but she has to have family though that are going to feel the same way that elizabeth's smarts parents felt to see her when they see her again for the first time when they reunite them as a fucking society but how is that

how yes so how is that like if you're producing the news programs How the fuck do you still lead with like, yeah, Trump misspelled a tweet this morning.

It's like I would feel.

fun of him.

I would feel it.

Because we're all so fucking smart.

If we were president, we'd have it all figured out.

Yeah, fucking dopes.

But at the end, but also, I guess they have to pay the bills.

And the bills are paid by fucking this

divisive news coverage.

Divisive?

Is that I say that wrong?

Yeah.

Fuck.

We'll cut that out.

No, we won't.

I definitely won't.

I'm just emotional.

Yeah.

That's why I misspoke.

Yeah, Jamie Kloss is back.

No, I mean, it's a great story, man.

It would only be better if he was gunned down.

I don't want to make it sound like it's a great story, but it's a good idea.

It's the way that she was found alive.

Yeah.

The guy's alive?

That they caught?

Yeah, the guy who did it.

21 years ago.

Didn't he like fall asleep or something?

I think he fell asleep.

But you know the story?

She walked out.

Yeah, I thought.

When I heard the story last night, I didn't know

they didn't have any details of how she got away from him.

It's said that she just walked away.

Dude, hold on.

You would not have the iPad.

It's like a fucking

wrong word.

You're like monkey with a stick.

When I stick it down the anthill to try to get ants.

I'm just like,

trying to lick ants off his iPad.

It's an app.

They're just crawling all over.

I'm like,

do you try to use that iPad in front of Mary?

Are you fucking kidding me?

I might as well whip out a one-inch stick.

I don't know if you've ever come to the stash with an iPad.

Have you?

Or use your phone.

You use your phone normally?

But

do you think you look like that when you use an iPad?

I don't think so.

What do I look like, Don?

What the fuck are you talking about?

I wrote, instead of there's like confusion and anger rolling because I can't see anything.

Fucking eagle eye over here.

When I use my iPad when we're doing the games or anything, do I look like that?

No.

You look like you're sleeping.

He's like,

you squint so so much.

I thought you were a Ming.

But I'm not like, I'm not pulling on my iPad like it's a living creature like it's trying to get away from me.

Like when a cat sees something that it's like, what the fuck is that?

What the fuck?

It's a bear trying to hold a fish.

I don't have opposable phone function.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, C.

Do you know what's around the corner?

What is it?

Valentine's Day.

Hearts and cupids and chocolates and flowers and all that kind of stuff.

But you know what's more romantic than all of that?

What is it?

Underpants.

That's right.

Valentine's Day is right around the corner.

Rather than spending all that money going out to fancy restaurants, why not just hang in your underwear all night, courtesy meundis?

Pop on your meundies.

You watch some TV, you Netflix and chill.

Maybe you have a little dinner at home.

Skip the crowded restaurant.

Skip all that nonsense.

Right?

What's more romantic than hanging around watching TV in your underpants?

So, here's why they are the best underwear.

I'm sure you want to know why.

They use the coveted micro-model fabric, which is three times softer than cotton.

It genuinely feels like actual heaven against your skin.

Now, when I was young, you know what our underpants are made out of?

What is it?

Sandpaper.

Sappho.

See this?

That's sandpaper.

Feel it.

Yeah, that's what my underwear used to be made out of when I was a kid.

That's all we had was sandpaper underpants.

Can you imagine it?

Yeah.

You'd love it?

I do.

You think you'd love it?

You can get a style that is perfectly suited for you.

There's all kinds of cuts, colors, adventurous prints.

I prefer the boxers or the boxer briefs.

Sometimes if if I'm feeling a little saucy, I'll pop on some bikini briefs.

You don't need to know about that.

This Valentine's Day, me on these are going to be releasing a new print every Tuesday.

Oh, this Valentine's season.

Valentine's Day season.

It's a whole season now.

A made-up holiday, which you've got a day at one time is now It's a whole season That means you and your loved one can chill and matching prints for Valentine's Day and play the game.

How long can we keep these on?

You know what that means?

What?

It means that when you're watching tv and the show is so great and you don't want to get up sometimes you pee in your pants a little so i think that's what meundis means is that how long can you keep them on before you pee them and you got to change them but why stop at meundis this year they're launching their valentine's day print in lounge pants and onesies

both are made from the same fabric and they have a great offer See, this is good.

I've got to save a little money.

For any first-time purchasers, when you order Miundis, you get 15

You get Miundies.

Let me try that again.

Myundi's has a great offer for any first-time purchasers.

When you order Miundis, you get 15% off and free shipping.

It's a no-brainer.

Get 15% off the most comfortable undies you will ever put on.

Comfortable, even way more

than sandpaper undies, which I do love.

So get your 15% off your first pair, free shipping, 100% satisfaction guarantee.

Go to meundis.com slash T-S-D.

That's meundis.com/slash T-E-S-D.

I have a great singing voice, don't I?

He's so funny.

Okay.

What time is it?

You all know?

Hey, Mama.

It's the most wonderful time of the year.

Says no one.

Ever post New Year's Eve.

All right.

We're talking about postmates.

The holidays are over and winter is here.

Very cold outside, right?

We don't like to go outside.

What do you like to do?

To play about park.

You like to play the park?

Yeah.

In the cold?

No.

What do you like to do when it's cold out?

I love Lambron toys.

Play with your toys, watch a movie.

I love it.

Hang inside in your room.

What you don't want to do is go outside and get food, right?

So you can get anything you need delivered straight to your couch.

I know a lot of times at 4 p.m.

You like to have a glass of red wine.

They can do it.

Pizza at 2 in the morning.

And a breakfast burrito at 8 in the morning.

You do you.

Postmates doesn't judge, they just deliver.

And in parentheses, it says, Kevin, feel free to change these and mention healthy foods.

If it's more authentic.

Uh-oh.

I forgot I got Kevin Smith's copy somehow.

Let's quick read it before we get in trouble.

For a limited time, Postmates is giving you $100

of free delivery credit for your first seven seven days.

To start your free deliveries, download the app today and use the code TESD100.

That's code TESD100 for $100 off free delivery for your first seven days.

Get anything you need, anytime you need it.

Download Postmates and save with code TESD100.

I guess they have a lot of stuff because I'm looking at a second script.

It says,

you like parties, right?

I do.

Then your birthday's coming up.

Yeah.

February 1st.

How old are you going to be?

How old are you going to be?

Oh, you think.

If you're 12 now?

12 now.

And then you're going to be 13 next?

Yes.

Teenager?

Yep.

I can't take it.

I can't take it.

Anyway,

Postmates doesn't just have food, but it's balloons or a disco ball.

Champagne they can bring it.

Whatever it is, they can give it.

They can get it to you.

All right.

That's what Postmates does.

I was not aware of what Postmates did until earlier today.

And by earlier today, I mean moments before we read this.

I'm going to give it a try.

How about you?

You're going to do it?

Yeah.

All right.

Ready?

Party.

Party.

Party.

Join in.

I'll say it.

Fine.

Come on.

Party, party, party, party.

TSD 100.

Postmates.com.

So, anyway, my feel-good story.

Yeah, so this child

was sentenced to 40 years as a leader of a child porn ring.

Oh.

And he almost immediately got beaten to death.

Nice.

Now, do you, now, it doesn't matter at the end of the day why prisoners or inmates kill these people, but do you think there's like an immediate like reprieve from like certain things happen to you status?

Or do you think it's truly 100% about outrage?

Or do you think there's some other factors that play into why they'll go beat the shit and kill this person?

I think even prison has its traditions, right?

Sure.

Those guys are never safe, right?

You go in there.

Yeah, right, but like not from everything I've heard.

So you're, let's say, you're, let's say you're incarcerated.

Yeah.

And your soulmate is this dude.

Are you killing him?

Me?

Yeah.

You're going to get out.

You're going to get out next month.

No.

Next month.

No.

I'd be like, I mean,

you guys are really backing me in a while.

Who says he wouldn't kill John's cheetah

leader?

Yeah.

Does this constitute approval?

Endorsement, even?

I'm like, well, let's let the court handles this one, guys.

When we talk about this next month in a day,

we'll revisit this.

But I'm saying,

do certain things come your way if you're the killer then?

Oh,

while you're in jail, like certain statuses raised.

I don't know.

But if I had to guess, I don't think so.

Because I think it's the equivalent of, like, swatting a bug.

Oh, you mean to the other inmates?

You just killed somebody who.

Somebody had to do it.

Yeah.

You didn't take the biggest guy on in the yard.

Yeah.

You took the...

I don't think it's looked down upon.

I think it's just like...

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, not looked down upon, but I guess more props come.

Not props, but I guess

you get more leaders.

Your statuses.

People walk out of your way if you take on the biggest guy in the yard and you kill him rather than,

but you're still going to get something for killing that piece of shit.

But I heard that,

like, don't go after the biggest guy.

Because if you go after the biggest guy and you kick his ass, there's a whole bunch of other guys that are like, well, that guy was a pussy.

I'll kick your ass.

So, like, now you're inviting all these different fights.

Oh, man.

There's all sorts of shit I didn't even consider.

Come on.

That's my aunt.

Because when I always told him.

And you're the only one with experience inside a prison.

But I always said, though, if I ever have to go to prison, I'll just find the biggest guy and I'll just take him on.

And after you're beaten senseless, what's your next move?

So then you're in solitary for the rest of your career.

That's good.

Would you prefer solitary than gen pop?

What's jet?

Like general population.

Okay.

You know, just in lingo, huh?

Yeah.

Well, I've heard that

there was these two wackos who made a bet with each other, these two poker people.

And

one bet the other that they couldn't survive in a bathroom with no lights for 30 days.

Okay.

And the guy couldn't do it.

Like you're going crazy if if you're going to solitary confinement.

So

I don't know if I'd want to be in solitary confinement.

Yeah, that would be rough.

You might want to just take your chances

with everybody else.

I don't know if you're going to do that.

Here's Big Bubba looking at you at the showers.

Get him.

Here, you're going to be my roommate.

What are you doing?

Need pins and pop sockets.

Yeah.

Or a cell phone phone.

Hey, get him.

How you doing, bud?

How you feeling, get him?

Yeah.

Why has he been sick?

Yeah, he's got the flu.

And he's here, huh?

Yeah.

Isn't that what a responsible person does?

Well, how long did your sentence have to be before you're like, okay, I'll kill this dude?

I don't want to kill anybody.

But

if you're like, look, there's no way I'm getting out.

And they put it.

Yeah, then what difference does it make?

You would be put in segregation for a little while.

But there's so many people.

I don't want to share a room with with a fucking pedophile so but there's a cell in a room i'm dressing it up

who aren't getting out why don't they have the same attitude of like well nothing matters what i do there's nothing there's no repercussions for what i do now well they get side of jail yeah well they get punished they would still be punished they could have like their um

uh their their their privileges taken away their canteen all that shit you know they may not be able to go in the yard like this is stuff that means a lot when somebody's like hey you're not gonna get that fucking candy bar now?

You're like, I should kill myself.

I say that on the outside.

I can't imagine if a canteen was taken away.

Now, do the prison guards and

the head of the prison, what kind of price do they pay?

Do they lose their jobs for allowing this guy to get killed?

Knowing that, like, he's enemy number, public enemy number one inside.

I doubt it.

Bullseye on the head.

Either they want it to happen or it's just like it's prison.

That's what happens sometimes.

The warden doesn't have to like pay like with his pension for that?

I don't think so.

They're like, yeah, they killed a fucking child rapist.

Now you don't get a pension.

Who the fuck would take that job?

Yeah, but he's you got to rely on a bunch of animals to not kill an even worse animal.

Well, wait a minute.

So you're saying there's no repercussions for how he runs the prison?

No, I mean, I think that there's probably some administrative shit.

There's a bunch of paperwork, and that would be annoying.

And

you might get something something in your

file.

But no pension.

No pension.

I don't think they're taken away.

I don't think they're going to garnish you.

If that was on the table, you think he'd still be alive today?

No.

I mean, the only way to keep him alive is to put him totally by himself.

Because even if you put him with other, like, there's still probably a pecking order to those guys.

Like that whole sex offender.

Oh, yeah.

Like, let's say you're just a regular rapist versus a child rapist.

I don't know, but maybe they look down on them, you know, and they're like, I'm going to get this guy because he went after a kid.

Who the fuck knows?

God, I hope I know.

We should do a Sunday drive where we go to a prison, have Jeff interview.

We find somebody we can visit, like we could get visiting rights for

Sunday Jeff.

Yeah, that would be interesting.

Or like Sunday Jeff goes on the inside for like

total immersive gonzo-style journalism.

He wears a cap with a hat in it.

I mean, a cap with a camera in it.

I would watch that.

You wouldn't watch that?

What?

Sunday, Jeff.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, if there's a man that doesn't belong in prison.

The world's toughest prisons.

Am I ever interview a prisoner?

But anyway, so they kill this guy, and it made me think of...

Your plan to sacrifice people who were born short.

Oh, the imidget to pose pose as children to keep

pedophiles from like breaking the law.

Right.

Keep them on the kind of like that maybe a program to keep them on the straight and narrow.

Like I'm feeling like I may offend.

I may offend.

Where's my midget?

Yeah, call me, like, doctor, prescribe me a dwarf.

Right.

Yeah.

Insurance would pay for it, basically.

I love that these dwarves and midgets are willing to have sex with the worst elements of humanity.

These pieces of shit.

Well, like, you don't think that they have the same weird fetishes that normal-size people have?

Who's fetishizing about having sex with a pedophile?

No, but they want to have sex probably with normal-sized people, though.

Regardless of what they look like or their fucking morality?

That wouldn't be surprising.

I mean, these are humans.

I've been wrong before.

Well, they, what's it called when

you compartmentalize something, you uh justify it by you're doing a you're doing a service every time you sleep with this piece of shit, maybe saving a kid, right?

Like, it's a lot to ask for.

Like, let's say you're getting paid big bucks, too,

right?

It's a government-funded program now.

How much is it?

Everyone knows government employees rake it in

for each each, like session,

a date with no sex, yeah,

a thousand bucks, thousand bucks, a date with consummation, Yeah.

Five grand.

Wow.

And what happens if the government shut down like we're in now?

Well, oh, yeah.

Then you got to keep doing it for free.

Yeah.

And hope they

back pay.

Right.

Yeah.

But they might not be back pay.

So you may get the money that you've already earned if you're lucky.

Back pay with interest.

Yeah.

How's that?

I don't think that's how it works.

Well, for these, for these selections.

This is like a special, almost like CIA shit.

This is like SEAL people, right?

Like these trained to say the right things.

They're psychologically profiled.

Be children.

Seal your lips and pretend you're a child.

No, and they also, you know, they can offer some sort of therapeutic.

I would love to get a therapist to

really evaluate this idea of yours.

I got one.

Who?

I have it.

He's fully medicated.

Yeah.

I have a doctor who wants to come on.

I'm going to have to go to the steelers constantly.

I didn't think I fairly, to be honest with you, there's a doctor that I lined up for.

Tell him Steve Dave to come on.

But I feel like there is no reason for him to come on anymore.

You guys seem like you are in such great places now.

You're with your new gal.

You don't seem as...

broken as you have been in previous years.

You seem much, much happier.

You turned a corner once you got healthy.

You've never looked back and felt that kind of like,

so like, why am I bringing a doctor in?

We all know, I mean,

I've been good since the day one.

What does he know?

Or she.

Or they.

Zim.

He did say that he, like, I told him it would be kind of like, do you ever see Metallica this kind of monster?

No, but I know the conceit behind it.

Like, yeah, if they had a therapist, come on, they filmed all their sessions.

He thought it would be kind of like that.

And I said, yeah, it would be kind of like that.

And he said, well, because I'd want to know what I was walking into.

I don't want to walk into something where I wouldn't want my name attached to it.

So bringing up this scenario with the dwarves and everything, that could be troublesome for a therapist

to weigh in on.

It may hurt his credibility with his patients.

Well, what if he doesn't?

It's going to be Dr.

X.

Yeah.

Was he fucking Glory Hound?

He needs his fucking name all over the place.

I could ask him.

I went in, beautiful downtown Red Bank, go visit Dr.

Zim.

Yeah,

he comes in and he's a licensed and,

you know.

Well, he shouldn't be afraid to take on a fucking patient or patients.

Well, I don't know if this is a patient scenario.

This is like confidentialities out there.

Throwing out a scenario that could revolt,

I mean, repulse people.

Right, but I mean, most people, I would think.

I would never say this to, like, if I was at the family dinner table, I wouldn't break out this.

No, you want to bring it up?

No.

You want to float this one by the fam?

No, and I would, like, if my mom was over, I wouldn't be like, you know, I've been thinking about this idea I got.

Oh, man.

I got to show you something.

We'll keep talking.

I got to show you something I totally I forgot about.

So

essentially, like,

let's say you have this unrepentant heroin addict, right?

The what?

Unrepentant heroin addict.

Just like one of these people that, like, they just can't not take heroin.

Got to do it.

No matter how.

Like, say, Artie Lang.

Guy like Artie Lang, for example.

You,

instead of...

having this guy do what he's doing or people who don't have money like Artie, you know, who are robbing houses to get their fix or stealing cars or whatever you're giving them drugs you're essentially like

you're bettering society by giving him what he wants this guy right and is that that's kind of the same thing as the midgets with the pedophile like if the pedophile has his midget then there will be no true victim if the heroine guy has his heroin he has his fix and he's not out there robbing houses, there's really no victim anymore.

Yeah, I don't like the idea of normalizing pedophilia in any way, shape, or form.

Like giving drug addicts drugs is like, well, they're an addict.

They can't control themselves.

By even giving it an inch to pedophiles.

What do you want to say about them, though?

The people say that about pedophiles.

They can't help themselves.

Well, those people...

There's a lot of liberals that are.

I've heard no liberals get on.

Oh, no, no.

I'm not talking about your garden variety liberals.

I'm talking about your Ladondos.

I'm talking about your your hardcore fuck-ups that are like, they shouldn't be shamed.

It's a sexual orientation.

We should recognize.

It's probably other fuck-ups.

Yeah, those are people who are feeling the same.

Didn't even suggest it.

Yeah.

Didn't even suggest it.

It's like, it's just a sexual orientation.

It's like, but why not?

I don't remember.

Why not?

Have any of the liberals in the news ever taken on this one?

No, I think most would not.

No.

Most would not.

That's what I'm saying.

You're talking your far, far, far left contingent.

So I don't like normalizing it either.

But

if it were to save a child from this happening,

I don't know, man.

I have a hard time thinking rationally about this issue.

Look, if you're asking me, I would say

take them out, old yeller style.

If this is this person, because sometimes, though, kids are like, oh, you know, this happened.

It didn't really happen.

If you have 100%.

You film whatever, guaranteed this person did it.

Right.

Boom.

And that's it.

Well, that's that's what it just happened, though, in jail.

I know.

Yeah.

Yeah, but there's lots of guys that aren't jailed or that go to jail and this doesn't happen to them.

That's why they have like certain wings for them so that they can, you know, walk around and compare notes and shit.

Three hots in a cup.

Tax money cue going to these pervs.

Well, I'd rather my tax money go towards keeping them off the streets than to fucking everybody else who has their fucking hand out in this country.

Yeah.

You know?

I do know.

I do know.

You know?

I do know.

Back in my day.

I actually turned the corner on socialism.

Oh, no.

I did.

Because, you know,

my stated view on it is that socialism is evil.

You can't just steal shit from people to give to other people.

Right.

Give me some of what you earned.

Yeah.

Oh, you want to keep whatever you earned?

Greedy.

We're not going to give you anything back.

Anyway, I've turned the corner where it's like, because you look at what's her name?

OAC?

AOC.

A-OC.

A-O-C?

Yeah, A-O-C.

And

there's no way.

Look, you know how tough it would be to steer this country to socialism, but let's say that they succeed.

The day they do,

I get to retire.

Like, I would just retire.

That's true.

I would not make another cent in the rest of my life.

I'd be like, great, we're socialists now?

Sweet.

but I mean, but you still have to keep paying taxes, yeah.

It's not like you get to start.

Why am I not earning any money?

Oh, so no way.

So, you have no money in the bank, but that's that's earned money.

You don't pay taxes,

it would just, yeah, it would just be like property tax,

which I gotta pay anyway.

That's not new.

And because it's social, wouldn't I be getting a little more my way?

My income is fucking low.

You should get your fair share.

So, not you've got zero income, you're poverty level, bro, Fucking below poverty level.

So I would be getting

money from these rich motherfuckers in their ivory towers hoarding all their money.

Oh.

So now I'm actually turning around.

I'm looking at this like a good thing.

There's no, I don't understand the incentive in socialism.

Like, I don't understand, like, what would, because most people by nature are like.

Wait, I can just get something and I don't have to really put anything into it.

Oh, yeah.

You know, why not?

Somebody else will take care of it.

Nonsense.

I love it now.

I'm on board.

All right.

I'm on board with it.

Socialist, BQ.

I am now.

If it happened, you probably, when it does happen, if it does happen, you probably would be close to retirement age anyway.

Yeah.

Yeah, because it's not going to be an overnight thing.

No, no.

But now I'm on board.

And you know what?

I think,

in all seriousness, I don't know.

I think give it a shot.

See what happens.

And if it don't work out, then

bring back the other one.

I don't think it's that easy.

Do you know how much reform you would have to do?

Like, suddenly, everybody's got to be.

We put a man on the moon.

Where the fuck is the money?

Oh, did we?

You put a man on the moon.

We can go socialistic and then go back if it doesn't work out.

Give it 25 years.

Why do you okay?

So the rest of our life.

Why would you want to do that, though?

I don't understand.

It's not working for a lot of people the way it is right now.

So let's give it a shot the other way.

And then if that don't work, then we're like, okay.

But we already know it doesn't work.

We know for a fact it doesn't work.

You've seen it fail so many times.

Move down to Venezuela.

You love fucking socialism so much, you fucking assholes.

You can go eat a dog.

We'll do it different, though.

We'll learn from the past mistakes.

No, no, it's

talking about.

So you're going to, but you're not rewriting the tenants.

And you can't.

You'll have to.

It can't be, there'll have to be some things that are to not go down Venezuela's ways.

We'll have to change certain things.

Just like, like, just put a little democracy in there.

No, no, no.

No, no.

What happened to Venezuela?

That made it go off the rails.

Like, what was it?

Isn't it just like there has to be someone in charge?

And that person's going to be corrupt.

Everybody's corrupt.

But there's still rich people in socialism.

Yeah.

How?

Well, usually they're government officials.

Right.

But that won't happen here, though.

No, no.

Yeah.

Our fucking officials would never take kickbacks or payoffs or fucking graft or any of that shit.

If they do, we'll put them in prison.

Why aren't you doing it now then?

They already do it.

Yeah.

So why aren't you doing it now?

What fucking 50s bullshit dream world are you walking around politicians are aren't uh going to jail for uh

stealing some do but a lot of them are taking bribes lots don't how do you know because i read so you're telling because i read do you know how many congressmen got dui have gotten duis and have not paid for it that's not true but they didn't go to jail

what the fuck it's a crime that's that's like that's like who you know that's the old boys club

It's like, okay, he's the congressman.

We'll give him a pass.

But what's the difference if they take a bribe and give him a pass?

Yeah, that's just as illegal.

Yeah.

In fact, it may be more.

But I tell you what, you can't eradicate that level of corruption.

You can't

eradicate anything.

You can't eradicate

giving a politician a parking ticket,

making it go away.

You can't.

Let's not.

Let's go.

Let's aim higher than that.

Let's just worry about politicians stealing billions of dollars and millions of dollars.

I'm not even worried about that.

We can work on it.

We can get it, though.

I don't care about any of it.

I don't really care.

It's way easier for you if it were to happen.

I mean, I wouldn't usher it in, but if it were to happen, it's easier for you to be like, fuck it, I'm not working anymore.

Oh, God, yeah.

I wouldn't work a day in my life if they were like, and they already take 50%.

So she's only talking, going to 70.

So, you know.

But whatever.

Something light.

Okay, you want something.

Something like something to take out on a light.

No, I don't want to talk about politics anymore.

I don't want to talk about any of that shit because I don't pay attention to any of it.

You don't care.

You're the better person.

I don't care.

I don't really care that much.

What do you got that's light?

Something popcorn.

Give me some popcorn.

Please, not about dead children or children being

crimes being committed against us.

So you don't want to talk about R.

Kelly, then, I guess.

It's something good in the entertainment world.

There's got to be something good.

All right.

Well,

I consider us entertainers.

Okay.

Here's something good.

You were saying that you would not have that conversation about the

midgets, the dead porn king.

Oh, yeah, the midgets and all that shit.

Yeah, that's that's one I have to choose the uh this.

I have to take the temperature of the room and who's in it before I break, I break out that one.

Right.

This is the room that you would do it in.

It's the only room.

Yeah.

It's the only room that that

conversation can be discussed without people like going, like, you know, we need to call a doctor.

Right.

So let's just broadcast it.

That's real sick.

So here's my question.

Then would you do this on on Christmas morning

to your wife in front of your family give her a gift and then like you know the kids are there moms like all everybody's there and then this is

oh god damn it hold on okay but work his phone because I pressed

it's crazy oh my god

Fucking God, all right, you're right.

I don't even know what's

to say anymore.

Yeah, you're right.

I can't seem to fucking.

okay all right now I got it

all you do is fucking hit the triangle and it would have worked why you keep because the the thing was the sound was fucking down and I thought I might have gotten too far ahead okay who is that so that's Mary Beth opening her her

is that your Pam's house that's Pam's house now what I did

was uh

wrapped it up put to Mary Beth from Pam and Edgar and then put it under the tree oh is that some sort of sex toy I'm not I'm not saying it's a sex toy.

What is it?

It's a vibrator.

Oh, it really was a sex toy?

Yeah.

Look how red she is.

Prank superstar.

Prank superstar.

I've been pranking people lately.

Listen to Pamza.

That's not a real laugh.

No.

That's a nervous laugh.

I'm like, I I don't want my son to run out of here if I say something.

Oh, really?

I thought you were going to say that.

That's your laugh right now.

It's funny.

It's funny.

Yes, Prank Superstar, bro.

Like that toilet.

My son is a prank superstar.

That's what it says on my stocking.

Prank superstar.

So you went back after you stormed out of the.

I was going to play her laugh again.

Maybe it was an envious laugh.

It's like,

Merry Christmas.

There she is.

So, you would not do something like that then.

Oh, my God.

I would, oh, my God.

No, that.

Frank Superstar.

Yeah, what if the only way to do that?

What if you were trying to brand Frank Superstar?

Let's say I gave that out, and the whole family, like mother-in-law, everybody, brother-in-law, everybody around opening presents.

And I gave my wife a Marilyn-Aid.

I would then, I would stand up and I would tell everybody in the room, I'd be like,

there is a sharpshooter outside, and

there's a gun on me, and that's why I'm doing this.

That's the only way it would be I could ever forgive me.

You somehow seem less crazy.

That's the only way that they would forgive me.

I had to give you this gift.

The only way it would be under the threat of somebody was going to murder me that I would do that.

Yeah, what are you thinking?

I'm thinking this might be funny.

But I mean, you know.

Blame Q.

He didn't tell me not to do it.

He was the only other person who knew it was going to happen.

Oh, so you, you, you.

I thought it was funny.

I told him, I was like, what do you think of this?

Should I do this?

He's like, yeah.

Why not?

So what's the alternative?

Not doing it?

Yeah, to not do it.

Then we'll never know how it turns out.

How does that not?

It's like not watching the end of a movie or reading the end of a book.

Yeah, you got to know.

How does that not carry you through the day, though though like how do you not then just like suck it up then when when pam says something about you know the fitbit and you fly into a rage you weren't flying off the high of giving the marriage because the prank superstar just made everyone's christmas

what's my thanks

Oh my gosh.

You know, because it wasn't.

It was like, yeah, I was having a good time.

It was fun.

And then all of a sudden, it's like,

hey,

I want to work my Fitbit for the first time in four years.

But

how did Mary Beth?

She thought it was funny.

She thought it was funny.

Yeah.

She was a good son to you.

Could she, though, say, like, I was really, really, don't ever do that to me again.

Could she say that with, well, and not ruin Christmas?

I mean, is it to me?

Because if it's to me, then no.

Fucking prank superstar.

Look, you knew that when you met me.

I was the prank superstar.

I was wearing a t-shirt that said prank superstar.

I was at least talking about getting one made.

Admit that.

You now have to, that is now your,

you are now prank superstar from now on.

Please tell me you have pranksuperstar.com.

Yeah, you got it.

You better believe it.

You better believe it.

If she shows any sign of like, oh, I really wish she didn't do that.

Listen, even that.

She's laughing and she still says, Oh, I really wish she didn't do that.

Is that enough?

Or is that going too far?

Does it have to be 100% approval?

What?

What world do you think I live in?

Where

I think you'd be pretty surprised at the approval rating I get sometimes

so much so that I'm like, Did you hear me?

What I just said was funny.

What are you made of stone over here?

Put that popcorn bowl down.

Yeah, fuck.

Popcorn's for laughers.

I don't know.

Sometimes I'm like, does she not hear me?

Because what I'm saying is, I got to text it to Q because I'm like, if I don't get a response from her, I'm like, ah!

Text it to Q or Troy.

No, she was a listener before.

Yeah.

So

did she find the podcast funny?

She did.

She did.

Yeah, she bought all this.

She had bought all this stuff, like all the extra pods, the bonus pods.

She was a puck-nuts listener.

So you would think that it would just be 24-7

laughing then.

I think that's maybe what she thought.

And then she's like, oh, this is the reality of it.

He's now

about, I don't know, two, three weeks ago, he said he was a pinball twin and now is saying he's a prank superstar.

And I don't know what's going to happen next week.

He humiliated me with this new character at least Pinball Twins.

He would just walk around saying weird stuff.

He was talking about some actor I'd never heard of

from a show that was on in the 1940s?

1975.

I'm just like, my God, what the fuck?

I know about things before I was born.

Yeah, I think, I do think that at times I'm just annoying.

Like I'll catch myself because like at night, sometimes maybe smoke something, a little something, and then I'll just go on and on and on like spinning scenarios and shit.

And I think like most of the, I would say 95% of the time it's well received.

Other times I'm like, I think I might be annoying right now.

I got to take a step back.

Yeah.

Oh, so she's, so you're the scenario, you're in the scenario mode a lot?

It's almost non-stop.

I mean,

my whole friendship with him is

what do you think happened when we went over to the movie?

I've never been a fan of the scenario mode.

Yeah.

Oh, exactly.

It's exhausting after a while.

Yeah, so if you live

with me,

I can see that.

But like when I went over to Q's,

before we watch movies, we're talking about like Vietnam vets returning home from

Vietnam.

And we're playing different, like I'm playing two roles of two different Army vets.

He's playing two roles.

We're each playing a Vietnamese refugee.

Sometimes the storylines merge.

Sometimes they don't even have anything to do with each other.

We're just going back.

We're in a parade.

It's all

yeah.

it was fun.

It was fun.

Where we weren't well received in the parade, by the way.

So now it's.

Maybe Keller.

Who's standing behind me?

Where?

I'll get him.

Okay.

Whoa, whoa, wait.

Now, has Mary Beth found herself

since now she's got Tell him Steve Dave, she's living Tell him Steve Dave

24-7, has she found herself not needing Tell him Steve Dave in her life, though, the actual podcast?

Oh, she's found that for quite some time.

Oh, so

she needs to be lost as a listener.

He leaves the house

when he does it.

As soon as I leave, she immediately turns on.

Just in case you come back in and

sneak back in.

They're like, that was a good one, wasn't it?

Why aren't you laughing?

Do you remember that movie, Funny Farm with Chevy Chase?

What is it?

Funny Farm?

Funny Farm?

Yeah, yeah, where they bought the the farm.

They buy the farm and he writes the book and he asks his wife to read it right in front of him.

And he's like, she's reading the book and she turns the page.

He's like,

there are at least three big last line first page alone.

So wait, are you telling me that we had a listener that was buying all our shit?

Yeah.

And now she's not buying anything because she's just getting to, well, she doesn't want to.

She's getting the milk for free.

Oh, man.

You can't do that, man.

Yeah.

You got to make sure that, like, you know,

you're going to fuck us into poverty.

I wonder if I break up with her, if she'll become a listener again.

It's worth the risk.

No, I would want it.

Can you get in camera?

Can you record that scenario?

Just in all seriousness, be like, you know, if we break up,

would you go back to being a hardcore listener or do you feel like you couldn't listen ever again?

You want me to secretly record?

I mean, that sounds creepy, secretly record, but I'm just curious.

A real.

I mean, if I bring her in, maybe I would love to.

I mean, it doesn't just sound it.

It is, but I'll do it.

Hey, that's how I make my living, man.

Yeah.

Secretly recording people.

Yeah, but then you'll get.

And then I'll break up with her and make her cry and be like, break superstar.

Tell him Steve Davis.

That's good.

Break Superstar.

You can look at the poor practices of mankind and blame it on the fact that they didn't know any better back then.

But the the injustice of this story comes from companies knowing very well that the product they were using actively killed their employees.

Actively killed their employees.

They did everything in their power to silence and ignore the girls, preying on the poverty of the community since there weren't many jobs for women that planned to be.

words.

Everything we touched for show.

Still blowing in their coffins.

Vitality been low.

Ruminates with every stroke.

Watching me a dark, watch it.

We drill the makers doll.

Take it from the campus yet.

This thing is in this world.

Six upon this crowd.

get it.

Let's look at that.

And I'm not giving the sword, we can't get here.

See, we speak yourself, it's what I'm doing.

Single

corner and surprise, and I'll

take the lights and fire.

And that's what you see.

We should go for it.

But you'll understand

me.

Keep them buried.

Die, paint the cut by your gross.

Keep your eyes sweet right here.

Don't drop your deep compose.

Tap it off and take your hold.

Make a dip point toxic.

You lick the dip exposed.

Everything you talk with show, still going in that copy.

Vitality's been low.

Do a saints with every stroke.

Watching your dark watching, rejuvenate this gold.

Tie your face, cut out your ghost.

Mix your eyes with radio, drop off the decompose.

Nap it off and take your hold.

Make a lip point toxic, you make the dip that's both.

If it is wrong, it's it with fear.

And take a little bit more than

you.

And the hell is the fire, oh

The injustice of this story helped both companies knowing very well that the product they were using actively killed their employees.

However, they didn't die in vain, as their plight established the right of individuals to sue for damages from corporations in the liver.

The radiant girls were so contaminated by the time they died that if you stood over their graves to make a diver counter, the radioactive levels would still cause the needle to jump.

This has been a production of Smodco Internet Radio.

Sir, only at Smodcast.com.