#394: The Ronda Rousey of Reindeers

So, you mean there was no like mm.

All right, now I have a sex robot that looks human.

Yeah, she's like, I have three words for you.

Swallow it all.

Otherwise, you end up with that.

Tell them, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell Em Steve Dave.

What's up, boys?

Hello.

It was a little mini-episode last week.

We had Sunday, Jeff, and

Kidem?

Ming, Ming, yeah.

Ming.

Ming.

Performed spectacularly.

ISO Comics 300, still not out.

Still not out.

I talked to Mike the other day about it, and he said that he needs to listen to it first now.

Oh, boy.

He's not sure if things were said that.

Quality control.

I put that bug in his ear.

Did you?

Yeah, because I remember you were in a very surly mood mood that night, and

me and Q were talking comics, and you were doing your damn best to bring it around to your favorite topics of like

same-sex love.

Yeah, just like railing against Iron Heart and

all the Marvel Switch-gendered heroes.

So I told him I think you should.

go through that file and make sure there's nothing in there you guys don't want to associate it with ISO comics.

I mean, you've got a point to uphold here.

We wouldn't want them to get sued and someone take all the shared universe assets.

Well, they would never get sued, but I mean,

you know,

PR could, you know, could bring, could not reflect well on

ISC.

That's possible.

Somebody would have to listen to it to hear it and then get mad, but

there you go.

So I think they're safe, but hey, if it makes them feel better to listen to it.

We recorded that bit for them like over a year ago, it feels like.

It's so long ago.

Yeah, it was a while ago.

I think it's just lazy at this point.

It's just pure, pure laziness.

He admits it, too.

I told him, I was like, I can't believe you haven't listened to that yet.

But have they not recorded their own stuff?

No.

I don't even really know.

I mean, right?

Yeah.

We got our own anniversary to fucking worry about.

We can't worry about their anniversary.

Yeah, either of them.

How's the reaction to the Christmas?

Nice.

The Christmas episode.

Have you guys seen reactions?

Have you heard anything?

Emails?

Well received.

Well received.

I've seen some very nice comments.

I've seen some rather unnice comments about the game.

Well, the game deserves it.

Which was, you know,

expected, I think, after how poorly it was received in the room.

I can't imagine.

I can't imagine that

through editing, it was able to be saved.

And

apparently, I I was right.

It was pretty well trashed.

We lost someone.

They're not dead, but

a lady, or I think a guy, tweeted and said that his mother will no longer support the show because one of the letters was hers.

Oh, yes, I saw this.

You and I made fun of it.

I don't really remember.

I don't really remember what we said.

I just said that, like, if your mother is that, like, we just said something, like, we didn't know what a white elephant was.

The letter asked if we could do a white elephant uh segment on the uh show and i think nobody at the table actually knew what white elephant meant and that's and we moved on and i said that like if you expect like if your mother has listened to every episode and she's upset by that treatment

how'd you listen to these yeah i mean we i mean okay it's okay then when we like we flay

verbally flay people left and right.

I mean, Mike and Ming are like bleeding.

Each other.

That was my point of the tweet.

I was like, she hears how we talk to each other.

Why the fuck would she be talked to any differently?

I was like, Mike wasn't even there.

You got just back from your tour, huh?

Yeah.

Is it done or are you in the middle of a little mini break?

We actually don't have another live show until end of January.

Oh, wow.

So you got some downtime, huh?

I could fill that downtime.

Well, there's no downtime.

Starting Monday, we start shooting that game show for TBS for two weeks.

Oh, okay.

So no downtime.

Downtime.

What's that?

A little downtime.

A little bit.

Sleep is for the week.

Downtime.

That's all Sage has.

Downtime.

Down syndrome, downtime.

We got an answer from Simmy.

All right, what does he say?

The question was to Simmy.

Voice-activated products and appliances, are they okay

when adhering to the Sabbath?

He didn't answer it.

He's like, I'd wait till sundown.

Well, we're editing the movie now, and that's

like everything else.

The process has been

like everything else.

Also, an automated response?

No, no.

So he's...

Everybody's like...

On pins and needles.

Everybody's like walking on eggshells with each other.

So I think he just thought I was like...

Busting his nuts?

Wanting to talk about the edit.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

So.

It's going great.

Sounds like it.

It's going amazing.

Sounds like everything's smooth.

It's so smooth.

It's movie making.

It's so much fun.

The movie's going to be fucking great.

It's going to be so funny.

But, oh, my God.

Dude, the politics.

I don't know why anybody would ever do it again.

I mean, there's politics in

every work

has their politics.

Yeah, but it's worth it.

The movie's so funny.

Sal made you watch him jerk off into a potted plant.

No, but we've been doing that since since high school.

That's not anything now.

That's okay.

That's Thursday.

Oh, all right.

So it's not that?

No, no, it's just, just,

just, uh...

Name names.

I could.

Well, I mean,

the battles are all won already.

We already were past it.

Vanquished?

Yeah,

it was a rough couple of weeks, but we got where we needed to be.

Are the politics at the network network and the studio involving your movie, are they any worse or are they better than politics you face at other occupations?

Because I mean, I know we have our politics here at the Stash.

I mean, I know how horrible they can be at times.

Yeah, they're a little elevated.

Dictatorship, those are politics.

I'd say it was horrible for me.

But you should see the other guy suffering.

Really tugged at my heartstrings.

No, no, no.

No, it was all average, bud.

All average stuff.

Completely average stuff.

What do you mean?

No, no, I meant like, but where have you faced your worst politics

in

what occupation would you say had the politics that you were the most?

Definitely this bullshit.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Not the movie, just

overall energy.

It's just all egos and who knows better and whose money it is and blah, blah, blah.

It's all stupid shit.

I love the firehouse.

The firehouse was great.

You knew your role.

No politics.

Nope.

Dude, you knew your fucking role.

There was no pecking orders.

You got who's the captain of the house, who's the lieutenant, and then it's seniority.

And if a guy's got one more day than you and it comes down to a pecking order situation, he wins.

So, you mean there was no like

you weren't like smooching that captain's button?

I don't need to.

No,

don't let that get out.

I got, I don't want anybody to stop kissing my butt.

Well, no, but like, who's the captain?

Those are the rules.

Those are the rules.

You don't have those rules.

It looks like a human centipede butt kissing the sketch.

People are like,

can I pay for this, please?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Where have you faced your worst, most hellish politics?

And where would you have to say, Bri?

Because, I mean, you've been out of the workforce for so long.

You've been out of like the, like, I mean, when's the last time you can call yourself a working man?

I mean, it would be like, damn.

I mean, probably when I was a kid.

Like when I was pulling like nine to fiver type thing.

Well, I mean, just where you've like, you knew your, you knew there was politics involved and you knew you had to adhere to those politics.

Would that be when you were a lifeguard?

Were you working at the rec?

No, it might have been.

30 years ago?

You've been.

No, no, but close to it.

Probably when I worked at the hospital in that kid's mental ward.

Oh, that was even longer than that, though.

That would have been like 93, 94, somewhere in there.

Damn.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know.

Can you go back, you think?

Could you ever go back at this point in your life?

Ever go back to an environment?

I would sooner be homeless.

An environment filled with strict politics where you had...

Oh, they're like, hey, you can't say that.

Well, I mean,

you know what I mean.

Like, there's just like what Cube mentions, like, there's pecking orders, and there's butts to kiss, and there's

fannies to pat.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

You can't do that anymore.

No,

I don't mean literally, but you know, like

the old days, but

that's why I got into this business.

But it turns out it was a bust.

It turns out that's the reason I'm not a working man anymore.

Too many butt pats.

Yeah, it would, God, it would be,

it would probably be in the 90s.

Do you think you're better for having removed yourself from that kind of environment?

Yeah, I never would have been able to do it.

I could hardly do it when I was working for Kevin.

It was too restricting.

And even that wasn't restrictive.

So if you were to pop me into an office right now, and the boss is like, Johnson?

I don't mean an office.

I don't think, I don't even know if you're an office materially.

I mean, like, just like moving refrigerators in a warehouse.

Yeah, more something more like, you know,

you're not indoors.

Okay.

So, wait, so I'm hanging around with like blue-collar guys?

Yeah.

I mean, they have their politics too.

Don't think they don't.

Oh, sure.

It depends.

Everybody's got politics.

I don't care how.

So they're bossing me around.

They're like, hey, you got to do this.

How white-collar or how blue-collar you are?

How what's lower than blue-collar?

Sort of like brown-collar.

Yeah.

Brown-collar killer.

Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, is somebody they're like hey you have to do this like i'm your superior and you do that i mean it's just like you you got a curry favor with certain people and if you don't you know you're you're to play the game

yeah exactly play the game play it depends on how much money you're so out of the game and you don't know you don't even know the rules you got no game yeah i don't even know what the i don't even know what game we're playing anymore

board games missing dice

on cars

yeah

just the thimbles left yeah dog shit out part of that game a a long time ago.

No, probably not.

I don't think I could ever work a regular job with regular people.

I just don't see it happening.

No.

It would be too.

Although sometimes I want to do it just to see what it would be like.

Like I go to McDonald's and Leonardo with Sage all the time.

I've never seen a more poorly run McDonald's in my life.

You think you're the guy that

could whip it into a fine-tuned machine?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I wouldn't want to be the boss, though.

I would want to be one of the workers so I could sit just

like a drone.

So I could sit back.

I mean, I'm not going to make it my career.

I'm not going to McDonald's U.

But I would like to just sit back and watch, like, why isn't this working?

Rather than having to actively make it work.

I think because they just put too much damn shit on the menu.

I mean, they have so much stuff on the menu.

I'm just like, is it any wonder that, like, you can't expect these kids to figure out how to like make, not only are they going to make hamburgers, they're going to make lattes now, too?

But I think it's a latte machine, right?

They're not

working.

Artists

You just got to push a button and the shit comes out.

I don't think so.

If that was the case,

it wouldn't be run so poorly, though.

You know, it would be hard.

Like if I worked at Walmart or Target and you have to go in the morning, you have to go to those

psych meetings.

Those psyches.

Where you go, you psych yourself up.

Yeah, the Pen Bralley shit.

I don't think I could do it.

I saw a video of a dude.

He was doing it at Walmart and he was like super animated and trying to get him up.

And they're like, we are Walmart.

We are Walmart.

You don't have to.

No, if that's a suicide note, that's not a fucking

thing.

I think that comes from you're just not having, like, you know, you're not involved.

You don't really care about sports.

So you don't realize that like a team has to, like, you know, they have, like, you got to go Ray Lewis style into work.

You know, you got to do that, that dance, remember the Ray Lewis dance.

And you just got to like psych yourself up because if you don't, you're not at 100%.

So I'm working in the pharmacy then, because the only way I can do that is if I'm heavily medicated.

But I think every team.

I don't have that team mentality unless it's teammates I care about, like you guys.

Like if we did a psych up, a pep rally before every Tom Steve Dave, that I would do.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But they're like, we are Walmart.

I'm like, they don't give a fuck at all.

Oh, there's people who do, who can convince themselves.

No, no, I mean the part, the the

superiors.

The superiors, you think, don't care.

They're just going through the motions?

No, no, no.

I mean the superiors don't care about

the little guys who are like, this means something.

You know, it's like, actually, without the little guys, there's no, there's no, doesn't, the shit don't get done.

No, yeah, but the little guys.

Every part, if one part fails, the whole thing goes down.

There's always going to be little guys, though.

Yeah.

There's always going to be little guys.

And unfortunately, those little guys, some of them, yeah, like they get psyched up and shit.

But for what?

Well, you don't think that there are people that go to work or retail job is basically, I guess, what we're talking about and

have pride or just like, I want to do a good job.

oh sure yeah and those are the people that you like like when you see them there because then they help you but i know i couldn't be that person you couldn't be i could not be that person yeah yeah i don't know i mean maybe you could you never tried

no

it would feel so

abnormal just so like foreign yeah like hey i'm so-and-so like some people are real

Like they come like I'm like they're being phony because they just seem so excited to help you and shit.

Or I'm like, what's your angle, motherfucker?

Like, what are you after?

Yeah.

You're running game on me?

What's going on?

Yeah.

I've never, I've never cared about a job, really.

Really?

Until the fire department.

I mean, I liked working here.

I liked working in the USQ.

But mainly that was just about everybody was friends and we were all fucking around.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

If you have that kind of work environment where you can hang out with people or at least like when I used to move shit at Sears all the time, I was like in the dented and like damaged section.

And I would listen to my Walkman, I listen to the Stern, and the guy was like, Hey, if I need you, you know, you got to be able to hear me.

You can't wear that Walkman.

Meanwhile, I'm unloading trucks by myself.

I was the only one who worked there.

So if it's a fucking giant couch, I still have to like unload it by myself.

And I was like, I can't, then I got to quit.

I said, I can't work here if I can't listen to something else.

It'll drive me crazy.

And he's like, all right.

And just nice.

Yep.

Yeah, you played him.

Yeah, I'm like, you ran game.

Yeah.

Yeah, man.

I challenged him.

I'm like, so the $6 an hour job.

Yeah, it's just like a shit job you don't care about, so it doesn't matter.

Did you do anything good for Thanksgiving, Walt?

You got hold of hands?

No, I stayed home.

I had my mother-in-law over and my brother-in-law.

And then we

wrapped up dinner early and did a little Black Friday

roundabout.

We had a little...

We had to put our pins in the map and we staked out where we were going.

Where'd you hit?

We hit the Kohl's.

Okay.

We raided Kohl's.

We didn't hit it, man.

We took it.

Yeah.

Like a smashing ground.

You looted Kohl's.

I mean, we saved so much money.

It was obscene with the amount of deals we got because we were there so early for Black Friday.

I felt guilty walking out with all those bags, you know, with the pittance I paid for all that stuff.

You felt bad for Kohl's?

Yeah, I mean, they were giving it away, basically.

Then we hit the target.

And then it was funny because

I'm not really,

as I've grown older, I've found my taste buds maybe altering.

I'm not really into turkey anymore.

And so I knew that the Target by my mother-in-law's house, there's a pizza hut.

So I weighed.

I was like, will that pizza hut be open on Thanksgiving?

Because it's basically still Thanksgiving night.

We were there at like 7 o'clock.

I said, I'm going to get a pizza.

And I got this phone I could use to call them or even look it up online.

There's no way.

There is no way that that Target online is posting at their pizza hut that's built built into their store.

Oh, it's inside their store.

Oh, I thought you meant it was next to it.

No, it's in the Target.

And everyone's telling me there's no way on earth that that Pizza Hut in Target is going to be open.

And so I.

Well, it's because they don't want to take the 40-minute drive to go there.

Sure enough, man, I got in there, man.

There was Pizza Hut was open, and I got some...

I ate Pizza Hut on Thanksgiving.

Wow.

And I screwed up everybody's over-under at the Pizza Hut because they were like, when I came in, they couldn't believe.

And I said, yeah, can I get a small cheese pizza?

And they all started laughing and going like, oh, shit, they're going because because their over-under was that not one person would come in for pizza.

Really?

Yeah.

So the one guy, so the one guy on the other side was in working the Starbucks.

When he saw it, he heard that he had won.

It was just like, like, was jumping up, going, woo!

Now, did you feel as guilty walking away

from people who need the money so desperately?

They work at a shitty little pizza hut in a Target.

Because I was in a joke.

Thanksgiving.

So obviously, I hear, I guess you guys thought there was going to be nobody buying pizza on Thanksgiving.

And

they're like, We didn't think there would be one person that would come in here for pizza.

We knew there shouldn't be,

yeah, no, yeah, but I was able to rub it in everyone's face on the way home, though, in the corner.

It was a great car ride home.

The holidays are all about

were there any wagers placed in your car?

No, I mean, because I wouldn't have because I wouldn't have taken that bet because I was like, There's no way that pizza is going to be open.

In my heart, I said, There's no way I wouldn't, but you know, I should have took that bet.

Would you do it?

Poor bastards of pizza.

Me just went to Pam's house.

Yeah, it was so uneventful.

No fights, no bicker, none of that.

Except Pam at one point pulled out a story that, like, upon reflection later on, I'm like, I wonder why she keeps telling that story.

And I think I've told it here before, but

at one point she takes Mary Beth aside and she tells her the story of the Johnson's first Thanksgiving.

Yes.

Yeah, exactly that.

What a lovely bird.

That would be great, right?

I should just do like a comic strip.

And she thought that Thanksgiving was ruined.

But you and Edgar came over to her and put your arms around.

Like, hey, did you hear about the pizza hut at Target?

Like, you know, something nice, like, you know, she burned the turkey, her first turkey, you know, and then

you and Edgar walked over and told her it was okay and you took her out to like a Chinese restaurant.

Yeah, no, I don't think that would be it.

Something warmer.

No, it would be that that burned up turkey would be on the table and everyone would be acting as if like nothing was wrong with it except for me.

Until a fight spilled out on the front lawn.

Yeah, the cops are there.

Let's do it.

We're like pilgrims and Indians.

Hey, did you see Kevin Hart got in trouble for?

I did see that, yeah.

Yeah, he had a birthday party for his kid and they dressed up as cowboys and Indians.

And

Kevin Hart said he saw no problem with that.

And somebody was like, Well, what if somebody dressed up like slaves and masters?

Would that be okay?

And I guess he said that was something totally different, which I don't know.

For some reason, I kind of agree.

So, what I'm dying to know:

what does Pam pull aside

your girlfriend and tell her?

Like, that this is something like some sort of sage Johnson wisdom to pass down for, like, if she's after she's long gone and like and Mary Beth's like running the show.

Yeah, she's like, I have three words for you.

Swallow it all.

Otherwise, you end up with that.

I wish I had swallowed it all.

One of the one-word run.

Yeah, run.

Yeah.

She's like, I can abbreviate it.

Clear out his bike account.

It's too late for me.

Save yourself.

What are they talking about?

It wasn't even wisdom.

It's a weird, a very strange anecdote that for whatever reason, she's compelled to tell about, you know, I had two cats in the early 90s,

Calvin and Hobbes, and they got much older, like 16, 17, and Hobbes died.

And it was around Christmas time, and there was a,

you know, on the Christmas tree, there's ornaments and shit.

And Calvin is hitting one of the ornaments.

And Pam read that as

that Calvin was so sad that his brother was dead and knew that Hobbes loved Christmas that he was trying to take the ornaments off the tree.

So then, you know, I guess, you know, he's not into Christmas.

He wants to take the ornaments off the tree and be done with it.

This whole Christmas thing.

Wow.

Now, watching her tell this story to Mary Beth, that I'm like leaning over, so I'm in her, like, right in her like aisle.

And I'm like, what?

I'm like,

okay, so one,

it's not a happy story.

It's like a cat was so bereft,

so decimated by his brother's death that he's like, I don't even want to celebrate holidays anymore.

So depressed, yet so intelligent.

Yes.

Yeah.

And not really taking anyone else's feelings into account.

We liked your brother, too.

Don't get us wrong, but

life is for the living.

It goes on.

It's not a Thanksgiving story.

It's not a particularly uplifting story.

I don't know why she keeps telling it to people.

And also, it makes her look like she's insane.

Like, it's an insane thing to say.

But she's not joking, and she's not like, I'd like to think that this was it.

It's like, she's like, no, this was it.

Yeah.

Does that...

Is that like the first thing you walk in?

Is this like early on in the evening or is this late in the evening?

Yeah, like she startled Mary Beth.

She was still in the car.

She's like, oh,

hey, did I ever tell you, she rolls the window down.

Let me tell you a story about a cat.

No, that was like well into the night.

Maybe she had a couple of punches at that point.

Well, yeah, like she has like this champagne punch.

It's like

they pour like a sherbert or

into

a bowl and then they pour champagne on it.

And I guess that's like some sort of punch or whatever.

I don't know.

Turkey punch.

They don't call it that, but yeah.

Now I'm in the mood for Sherbert.

Yeah.

So anyway, yeah.

So that maybe she had a couple.

She's allowed to.

Sure.

She's the

running that show for how long now?

That Thanksgiving day.

That shit show.

Ever since she burned her first turkey

and disappointed us all.

How did you do, Q?

I just went to my mom's like I always do.

It was quiet.

It was good.

Out in Staten Island or no, it's in the Poconos.

Oh, okay.

So I drive up there and then I come home that night.

It was.

Was it good?

Was it good weather?

I can't remember, I think.

Yeah, it was.

Okay.

It was.

Okay.

The ride was great.

It was an absolutely...

My brother, my divorced brother, brought his girlfriend and

it was the first time we had met her.

I met her briefly once before.

So that was a, but she turned out to be great.

So there was really.

Oh, there was some apprehension, though, before.

No, you just never know.

You know what I I mean?

But she turned out to be really wonderful.

So it was good.

Brian, tell her the cat story.

See how she fans.

Yeah, no, it was good.

Did you do anything for Black Friday?

No, I didn't.

Where was I?

What was Black Friday?

Why was Friday?

The day after.

Thanksgiving, yeah.

Yeah, no, I didn't do anything.

Yeah.

Wait, so you went out Thursday night then for her for Black Friday.

Yeah, I stopped at Best Buy.

It was not as packed as I thought it would be.

It was one of the coldest Black Fridays.

All lions got to decimate Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving's in a long time.

Oh, really?

I said it was one of the coldest Thanksgivings in the last 30 years.

Well, I got home from tour Wednesday morning.

So then I was home Wednesday for a day.

Then I had to go to Pennsylvania on Thursday.

So there's no way you're getting me the fuck out of the house on Friday.

Did you sleep over on Thanksgiving or do you leave?

No, I have the cats, so I got to get home to feed the cats and everything.

And then I left Sunday morning.

So I was only home for two days, so I wasn't going to go out to

you.

I understood.

Yeah, you know.

I want to get a little home time.

You know who didn't have that great of a thanksgiving what is that sarah michelle galar

well what happened there she tweeted uh something on thanksgiving

where she said uh

where is it Where is the goddamn tweet?

Okay,

so here's a picture of her, right?

She's looking uh

that's her now?

Uh, I don't know, possibly.

Oh, wait, she posted old pics of herself looking hot with the seemingly innocent caption.

There you go.

I'm just gonna pin these up all over my house as a reminder not to overeat on Thursday.

Hashtag ThanksgivingPrep.

Was she a fucking Nazi?

Why?

You wanna know?

Of course.

Little did she know she was being an insensitive asshole, and people attacked her for putting pressure on other people to stay thin.

Is this where you place your value on the size of your thighs or your protruding hip bones?

Nothing positive comes from this post.

Buffy, please don't promote diet culture.

Not the kind of message we should be sending.

And then she had to apologize.

As they all do.

She says it's come to my attention that some people think I was fat-shaming with this post.

It could not be further from my intentions.

I love Thanksgiving.

Unfortunately, my eyes are often bigger than my stomach, and I tend to eat so much that I make myself sick.

It was a joking reminder to myself not to do that.

Terribly sorry that people were offended at my attempt at humor.

Anyone that knows me knows I would never intentionally shame anyone on any basis.

I have a champion of all people.

Even the fucking dickheads who have shit picked up.

She put pictures of some fucking fat brought up and been like, don't eat.

Because you want to look like this.

She put pictures of her younger self up.

And she said, this is what I like to look like, so I don't want to.

I'm just going to remind myself to have a little self-control and not overeat.

And people were like, how dare you promote diet culture this isn't people this is the same 20 people online who are getting upset at everything else yeah why would she even engage them or why would you apologize you'd think she doesn't have buffy money coming out of the ass boy she apologizing to anybody for she's got buffy money she's got freddy prince jr money oh she married him yeah oh she's kind of money

i wouldn't be apologizing why is the friend you think the freddie prince um estate is no freddy prince jr is an actor in his own right so he's been in a bunch of stuff

i don't know about lately but

he was big, big in the 90s, so if he has any of that.

I can't imagine.

There's a lot of

Freddie Prince.

I don't know if they invested it wisely, who knows.

Or maybe she's just carrying him.

Yeah, I'm sure Buffy was probably bigger than anything.

Oh, my God.

Wasn't it on like 10 seasons?

And

it was like a cultural phenomenon.

Wow, so she apologized, though.

She apologized.

All right.

You know what?

And it's not even like she's putting out

a thing to apologize.

Accept your dignity.

What dignity does she have?

She's an actress.

Can I hear a quote about apologizing?

I would love to hear.

From a great man.

You guys can talk to life on it.

You better apologize.

Get him.

You're fired.

Walt.

Walt flat again.

Yeah.

You know, what are you going to do?

I don't understand why.

Anybody is online anymore.

Like, how are people not taking away from it?

It's unreal.

I can never go on anymore because I'm always just like,

I don't want to be part of it.

Because it's always, there's something else I wanted to bring up to Walt.

People are getting offended by something from way long ago.

Not even Baby, it's Cold Outside.

People are offended by that.

A Cleveland radio station decided to ban it in light of this Me Too movement.

It's always been an oddly rapey song, if I'm going to be honest.

But it is, but some,

this lady that Gidham told me about, she's like an English teacher, and she actually broke down the lyrics and she said it's empowering.

So if you want to read that, it's a good song.

I don't know who gives a shit.

Yeah.

And like at the time, like,

hey, what's in this drink didn't mean like I'm going to roofie you.

It meant like the drink is weak.

Yeah, or it's weak in that it's not, you know,

that was like a running joke at that time.

Do you want to hear an inspiring quote about saying you're sorry?

Yes.

Most people are too full of pride to apologize.

To be able to say I'm sorry shows people that you're humble.

It shows people that you care.

And it shows people that you are not above them.

Who said that?

Who said that?

Tim Tebow.

Oh, yeah.

Why do you have that on your phone?

It's in notes.

He had to open notes.

It's not like he found that on the internet.

Why is that in notes in your phone?

I mean, because I saw that quote and I was like, you know, that's, I got to look at that from time to time.

Okay.

I mean, of course,

it's a reminder.

It's pretty trite and easy.

There's no depth to that at all.

What do you mean?

Do you want to hear a quote from another great man about apologizing?

Never mistake pride for indifference.

Brian Johnson.

You don't think that sums up apologizing right there, Dave?

Like, we're so full of pride that we're like...

I would say sometimes.

Sometimes, sure.

But in a situation like this.

It's not like Sarah Michelle Geller was being proud.

She's like, hey, here's a cute little thing I'm going to to put up.

Remember how good I used to look?

Well, I'm going to put that up just so I don't go crazy and overeat until I vomit.

And then a bunch of you people.

And then a bunch of obese fucks are like, hey, Sarah Michelle Geller.

It's like, no.

On this, our most holy of days.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's, yeah, really.

Yeah.

I mean, again, I think

being able to say you're sorry, even if you don't really believe it,

I think is a great trait, though.

So an insincere apology

i mean lip service

and if you can say it to make people believe it it's even a better trait so you're able to pull that off right i don't think there's anything that should be anybody who could pull it off nine out of ten sociopaths agree

uh but there's other thing that people got offended about wall this is going to affect you directly you know with the people don't want people don't want to hear uh merry christmas they don't they know they want to hear

coming back.

Happy holidays and all this other stuff.

But now people are

chilling.

Oh, what the fuck?

Okay.

Some people notice some very disturbing details in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Oh, I heard about this.

Yeah.

I heard that people are.

You know what, though?

I'm not going to sit here and try to defend Rudolph, though.

I knew from, as when I became an adult, I knew that Rudolph had a lot of serious problems.

And it was only a matter of time before

society grew and evolved.

He's so full of shit.

No, I'm not.

I swear to God.

I swear to God.

When I was seven, I looked into my fucking judgmental crystal ball and saw 40 years later my brethren would gather around me.

No.

I said when I became an adult and I watched it through adults' eyes, I saw some very problematic issues with Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

What would you say was problematic?

Absolutely.

I mean, Brian, I'm sure, has all the instances that I know are going to be on my checklist that I was checking off when I was watching it.

What are we looking at?

You don't want anybody to stand out as an individual.

You don't want anybody to stand out as an individual.

No, that's what Santa didn't want anything.

No, you just keep your head down and become one of the crowd.

No, there's no standouts want it or need it.

That sounds problematic.

But that's problematic.

That sounds like exactly your philosophy, the whole anth thing.

That's just your Santa Claus.

But I knew, like I said, though, but I knew watching this, though, that this going, that we were headed towards.

People are going to turn against me in Santa soon.

but i'm not saying but my point of view is not held by a majority of society though people love to put on a pedestal somebody who's different i mean that's just what i mean every movie every disney movie is about like the outsider who the square peg that made good i mean we we applaud that we trumpet that yeah but isn't that what rudolph is Yeah, like in the end.

Yeah, in the end, he is saved today, even though they did try to shame him for his red.

But Santa Claus comes across as a complete and utter douchebag.

But he gets his comeuppance up into the end he's no he isn't he's not no he still gets to save the day Rudolph saves the day and Santa Claus takes all the glory

well worldwide yeah but in that in the in the in the terms of that story like Santa was fucked until that that nose started glowing absolutely but to show also there's a point where uh comic or rudolph's dad is like is going to go look for Rudolph and he tells his mother the mother wants to come along too and uh comment says no you're staying back in the cave this is man's work

that don't fly today.

I mean, it's a talking reindeer, but sure.

Yeah.

Yeah, people are like, so this is real, right?

Like, so we should be pissed about it because this is toxic masculinity at its fucking worst.

Well, you, you.

I mean, it's a deer.

It don't work by human values and rules.

Yeah, but it's a metaphor, though, bro.

They're lorded over by you.

If you're telling me you watch Rudolph and you only see deer,

and you don't see the deer through the headlights, or you don't see the

herd through through the headlights.

They're deer, they're fucking deer.

That's what they are.

Yeah, but the problem, but I understand what you're saying.

I understand what you're saying.

But in the end,

everybody gets their fucking comeuppance, and they all have to basically suck his balls.

No,

no, no.

Who does

is not taken down, and he doesn't have to publicly apologize, and he doesn't have to step down from his post as the.

You know why?

Because he's a fucking man, and he will never apologize.

He's not going to pull a Sarah Delta.

Woman's work.

Yeah.

We'll be not saving the world.

You guys sit here and think up apologies.

clean this cave

what's about the shoes santa got away with treating people like or in this case animals like yeah and um he doesn't have to pay a price for his uh

his cruel and insensitive behavior but he has to he has to ask the freak for help

yeah he has to interact with the freak yeah really that turns his stomach

the lesson to kids here is like look sometimes there's a dude in charge who cannot fucking quibble with feelings.

And, ooh, am I being insensitive to this one or that one?

It's like he has a fucking job to do.

Politics.

Yes.

That job is to deliver all the toys to all the kids, whatever it takes.

But we have to also, I do believe, though, the internet should

try to look at this through eyes when it was made, though.

You know, it was made in the 60s.

Fucking heretic.

Any intelligent person should know that already

but it does but we're still what's it for though it's for the kids though we're feeding this this garbage right but i used to love it but i don't think it sends a bad message yeah now it's banned from your house like maybe it's cold outside is banned from that radio station but i don't understand like like you there is no story if everybody gets along from frame one and there's nothing to overcome every single person is sensitive every single person gives other the other people agency every single person like has it you know is woke as fuck yeah then where is the story?

There is no story.

Re-witten.

Re-witten?

Re-witten, kid?

But how?

But how?

What's the woke Rudolph story?

He's not ostracized.

He's not made to feel like a misfit.

Okay.

He's celebrated for his nose glowing from the get-go.

I'm given the key to the girl's bathroom.

So what's the story, though?

There's no story.

That he comes to

get that position as the lead reindeer, not because he's a freak, but because, you know,

there's no story.

It's just his turn.

It's like it's his, you know, everybody takes a turn at being the lead reindeer.

It is socialism.

It's socialism.

And then specifically, it just lucks out that on the foggiest Christmas Eves, it was Rudolph's turn.

So everyone's like, wow, we sure were lucky.

Yeah.

And then it ends?

But they already know.

And it sounds fucking phenomenal.

Yeah, but like Island of Misfit toys.

But you don't know.

Like, these are all toys that nobody wants us.

But it shows that like, no, there's a home for you guys too, regardless of what you're doing.

That was shown at the

end of the episode.

Yeah.

But doesn't this teach a lesson?

This is a lesson being taught.

What's the lesson?

That they rejected this freak because of his god-awful nose, and they made fun of him, they mocked him, and they were all wrong.

They needed him.

Okay, Q.

That's true.

Again, we're showing this to kids, though, and kids take things

and they digest it differently than you.

Again, remember, you're...

I haven't seen it since I was

a man, though.

But I haven't seen it since I was a kid.

That was the lesson I got from it.

This person says that your peers, it teaches you your peers will only accept your differences if you can provide them with some kind of service.

So it's like, oh, you got the red nose.

Oh, shit.

Well, that could help us out.

So

Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer is basically life.

All right, everyone.

Just so you know, that's the way life works.

That's the way fucking life is.

Politics, baby.

That's the way it goes.

And it's never going to change.

Not in your fucking lifetime.

That's changing already, baby.

No, it's not.

No, it is not.

This doesn't cease to exist because a bunch of fucking babies from the Huffington Post are like, hey, they're not giving fucking Clarice agency.

Okay, here's a bet.

I don't know if you guys are willing to take it.

Within the next five years,

Rudolph will never be shown again on network TV.

I'll take that bet.

Okay.

Within five years, that show will

never be shown.

Give me the date it will not be shown by.

Don't do what this fucker does with the videotapes.

All right.

And like, and tries to find a billion loopholes.

What years are right now?

That's the American way.

Loopholes.

So by the way,

by 2023,

by 2023,

the networks will not show

this special anymore.

It may find its way to some low-rent cable station.

Okay.

But CBS, H2C,

and NBC

won't touch this

with a North Pole.

I bet you they will.

No way.

It's going to just get worse every year because people are seeing seeing it for what it really is.

No, there's a backlash.

There's a backlash.

There's thousands.

That's a terrible thing.

That's a terrible, terrible thing that they did to Hervey, too.

Well, what happened to Hervey?

He wants to be a dentist.

Right.

But there's the metaphor, though, there.

What's that?

What's the metaphor?

Hermie was.

What?

He's gay?

Yeah.

So what?

Yeah, but so it's really rough.

How do you know he's gay?

I just think it's understood.

He's always saying to other elf dudes.

He's like, I want to be in your mouth.

I missed that line.

You didn't think that he was like, that it was his being one to be a dentist meant something else?

No, I thought he just wanted to be a dentist.

All right.

I saw him as.

He's like, I want to be gay?

No, no, no.

What did he want to?

But I think that it was

a champion for

the gay crowd.

A gay icon.

But again, in the end, wasn't he able to be a dentist?

But again, but nobody pays a price, though.

All the people who are shitty to Rudolph and Hermie don't pay a price.

But they did pay a price because it blackened their own souls by not allowing him to be density and also they got like we know it we didn't see it we know it they got their comeuppance we did see that they all were like oh we thought he was an asshole because the red nose turns out we're the assholes yeah and even if they don't say it out loud they still know

if they should do a if a ranking and best still alive they should do a new version where synaclist has to resign in shame

and he doesn't get to deliver toys anymore.

No, I agree.

I would watch that version.

Oh, I would watch the hell out of that version.

Gather around them.

Oh, please make that version.

It would be awesome.

I would watch it.

It would be great.

Like, where does he go?

Who takes over?

Mrs.

Claus?

I think the clause name is just forever ruined.

It's like Hitler, basically.

I think the clause should do everybody a service and just fade away into obscurity and, you know, don't make any interviews.

Him and Kevin Spacey's just hanging out so far.

But we need some gender-fluid person that'll like, it's not even Santa Claus.

It's like, they is coming to bring prisons tonight.

i'd watch that too i would watch the hell out of that too like here they come

oh wait there's only one guy it's like hey oh oh oh

you're no child of mine oh i do hope they get to make that i would love that what is that oh it sounds like rudolph's nose i think the camera probably ran out of it oh it would be so great

No, but I mean, all kidding aside, though, I knew that

that's where this was headed at some point because this show really is really strange and really

pretty harsh and it paints really ugly pictures of people that kids worship you know like Santa Claus really isn't likable

they ostracize you know the girl fawns and the and the the male bucks yeah you know they can't like there's no girls on the on the flying reindeer team well it's like a sports team

huh

it's like a sports team

well I mean what you're telling me there's not enough,

there's not one female reindeer that can

get in that, strap on those reins.

Like the Ronda Rousey of reindeers.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Oh, I'm sure there was.

It could be.

The male deers are bigger.

They're fucking flying.

I mean, I guess if there's a flying female reindeer, then yeah, then she should be on.

Because I'd say that's probably the major requirement, flying.

Yeah.

You're saying that there's physical and biological differences between males and females?

Reindeers, reindeers.

Yeah, I hope you enjoyed that run.

Mystical reindeers.

We're going to see mystery reindeers.

We're going to see within 24 hours on Twitter being like, I'm so sorry.

You know what?

Like Tim Tebow said, it just means that I'm a...

Do you want to read that?

Yeah, let me read that one more time because I'm going to need that.

To distract you from this controversy, please enjoy this picture of me and three guys in one sweater.

Three days in a sweater.

Please.

Look at that.

Most people are too full of pride to apologize.

To be able to say I'm sorry shows people that you're humble.

It shows people that you care, and it shows people that you are not above them.

It really sounds like something a mother would say to a child.

It's so not something that he's like, hey, you know what?

Let me fucking break it down for you guys, for all you fucking mortals.

You don't have any inspirational quotes in your phone?

No.

Should I?

I think so.

I think when you need one, you need to run real quick.

You're feeling like you're struggling and

you just need a quote to

pull you up and get you through the air.

Just a little bit.

I'm not saying a quote can do miracles, but.

I don't.

My notes all seem to be just thoughts, little thoughts here and there.

Oh, you can't give yourself inspirational thoughts.

No, but I'm saying there's no quotes.

That's what I'm saying.

It's just like little things for the show and stuff like that.

Yeah,

I think inspirational thoughts have to come from an outside source.

Fucking wish I had it.

Something you would never think of yourself.

No, I just feel like it's kind of,

I don't know, I say it's just like, it'd just be weird if you were pumping yourself up at your own inspirational quotes.

That would be kind of funny.

Yeah, I don't think it works.

What did I say again?

Oh, yeah.

Like you're like, I'm so fucking damn wise.

God damn it.

Little plaques you can sell it like a flea market.

It's really pompous if like you're all your inspirational quotes are fucking quotes by that you're that you

can't even point it out to other people.

Like you could have put it on your Twitter profile.

It could have been like, hey, you know know what I thought?

Like, somebody else has to hear it.

So you just have to say it a lot until somebody's like, wow, that's pretty good.

And then they'll write it down and tweet it out there.

Yeah.

I don't have anything, bud.

Sorry.

I'll try.

I'll start looking.

I'll send you some.

I'll compile my 10 best and I'll send you.

I would love that too.

Okay.

I'll start.

My antenna is.

A lot of what I do when I go into a Hallmark store and I see like little wood plaques, I'll just snap a photo on my

phone.

Backdoor guest to best.

You're like, wow.

It's not that.

Girls gather around, you ready to be inspired?

Like, I'm not, I'm too cheap to buy the platform.

Backdoor guests are best.

What was that?

So I'll take a photo.

We gave it to Kevin.

We found it somewhere.

It was like at a camping store or something.

We gave it to Kevin and he hung it in his house for a little while.

Backdoor guests.

Where the hell did I pull that out of?

Yeah, I don't know.

And I don't even know what it really meant.

Like, I know.

It's a vulgar colour.

I don't think it's a sexual.

No, I think it's like friends that you know so well, they just come up to the the back door and walk yeah people who don't go to the front door and not yeah but i think kevin took it as an anal sex thing right i know we did i think nine out of ten people would i think i might have that anybody still have it i think i haven't

he tried to saying i haven't

oh my god i gotta find that i gotta find that i would hang that backdoor guests are best oh that's so funny can that be attributed to me

within 30 minutes it's missing and hanging on the shared universe wall

is room on that between the fucking walking dead cast photos.

So, that was really

best.

Um,

what do you think about people who are so like

when you had kids, Walt?

That's in the wait, that's in the basement of my place.

That's where it is, right?

Fuck, I know, I know where it is.

I can't wait.

I'm going, oh, it's great.

You know, when I had kids, I still have kids.

Yeah, no, I know.

I know you do.

Okay.

I'm saying, but when, you know, when you knew you were going to have a kid and you had like a,

what's the, no, what's the party that you have?

Baby show.

A baby show.

Yeah, like a baby show.

Yeah, I didn't have one.

My wife did.

No, she had one.

Yeah.

But you guys didn't have a joint gender reveal party.

You weren't so taken with yourselves that you're like, hey, everyone, we're going to have a child and here's what the gender will be.

Did I?

Which I thought in 2018,

who's assigning gender to their newborn?

Did I have a newborn to decide?

Would I have known the gender

that long ago?

That era?

Yeah.

Would they be able to tell back then?

How'd they tell with the picture?

Yeah, like

the sonograms.

Or with the symbiotic fluid.

Is that what they did?

Amnionic fluid?

Yeah, this isn't fucking venom.

Brains.

Yeah, I mean, they would be able to tell the sex at that point because they were only born like

99.

98 and 2003.

yeah yeah

it wasn't 1898 it was 1993 okay yeah i i so i knew going in i knew by the ninth month i was having a girl okay yeah i don't remember so a lot of times these gender reveal they'll they'll like they'll set something up and it'll explode and if it's like pink smoke it's a girl if it's blue smoke it's a boy right so these people did this in uh arizona

and

when they did the i'll show i'll show you the thing did it cause the woman a miscarriage uh no it did not that would be fucked up but it did cause $8 million in structural damage.

Oh, it started a fire?

Like, tons of acres

burn like that.

Oh, my God.

Something like, yeah, it's like, watch, like, he shoots it with a gun.

He shoots it with, like, a shotgun.

Wow.

You can watch it.

No, it's off.

Yeah, it's off.

Oh.

Running out of batteries.

God, it's instant.

So, like, yeah.

All that dry grass.

Why the fuck would you do explosives around all that?

Look how quickly it goes up.

Dude, there's nothing like a brush fire.

It's crazy.

Look at that.

Yeah, and it was, let me tell you.

Why would you do that in that fucking...

Why would you do it at all, but like, look at all that dry grass?

It burned 45,000 acres, which is basically 70 square miles and caused more than $8 million in damage.

Wow.

So they had to take responsibility for that, huh?

Yeah.

The guy took responsibility.

He's like, I fucked up.

I never should have done that.

And everyone's like, no, you shouldn't have.

Yeah, there's no way he would have.

Obviously, it was a horrible, horrific mistake.

Oh, yeah.

I don't think he was like, fuck it, who cares?

But it's this obsession with people's fucking kids where like every, like, if somebody was like, hey, come to my kid's gender reveal party, I would be like, why don't you first fucking reveal your gender, dude?

Because I don't think you're a fucking man if you're going to this fucking party.

Why?

What's wrong with celebrating what you're having, though?

Because you celebrate it.

Because your kid isn't that fucking important to everyone else.

If you're just not.

But if it's a shower, though.

It's a burden.

It's part of the shower.

It's just a new aspect of the shower, though.

You didn't go to a shower, though, right?

No.

How come?

Because you're a fucking man.

Although

that wasn't readily evident when we went shopping for invitations for the wedding.

Oh, fuck, what am I doing here?

But yeah, it's just like, it's not that important to everyone.

You don't have to, like, you can just tell them in a way that isn't.

But if it's your in-laws and your parents and your brother and sister, I mean, why do you assume that it was.

Oh, yeah, by the way, it's going to be a girl.

See how I didn't start a fire when I said that?

See how I didn't ruin everybody's stuff if my brothers had gender reveal things i would make fun of them oh of course i would

what are you doing what's the matter with you yeah

what if you have a matter of party just to reveal your

the matter with you what if you have a party just to reveal you're with child um is that okay

no no no you just that's the kind of thing you just tell people like at this point

too

you have parties have the shower and at the shower just be like you know, have pink balloons.

So when people walk in, they're like, oh, it's a girl.

Blue balloons.

Oh, it's a boy.

Although I know that's a good thing.

I think most people don't have explosives for their VR.

I know a lot.

You see a lot of that kind of stuff.

Oh, yeah.

The whole pink and blue smoke's a big thing.

A guy on the fire has had like a cake, and they cut the cake, and the inside was the color.

It was the pink, so they knew they were having a girl.

But

it's exciting for people, though.

I mean, it's not exciting for you, but

I know it's not.

It's exciting for people.

Don't take it away from them, though.

I will.

Why?

Because they burned 70 square miles.

yeah but that's that's an anomaly though that's an anomaly you can't say that that happens every other weekend though no no it doesn't but people have gotten hurt in the past you know with this this dumb shit i also think it's just it's so arrogant to think everyone cares because they don't they don't people it's an obligation

no they don't believe it you wouldn't get invited to it anyway you're not going to be invited to anybody's gender party obligation so you don't worry about it good thank you thank you for not inviting me you were you were a host of other things there was like a thousand people on the list before you including like the fucking guy who pumps the gas and that down the street.

So don't worry about it.

You're not going to be invited to it.

You know, I know it could be.

They know your crankiness.

I would mock it.

I would go just to mock it.

I would wear that.

That GoPro would wear it.

Well, to be fair, you just can't fucking mock a funeral.

It's not like that.

You know, that's true.

So I can't go to funerals now.

Go do it.

Yeah.

I mean, look, those parties that the traditional parties, like a shower is meant to help New parents with stuff that they may need right

the gender reveal party serves no purpose.

I think it's just an aspect of the shower though.

I think it's just a new wrinkle on the shower.

I mean look you're right.

It's harmless.

Who gives a shit?

Yeah.

In this case it wasn't in this one instance.

Right right.

But it but having like a party to cut the cake and it's blue or pink it is harmless.

But

a million and one gender reveal parties are going to go off without a hitch.

This one didn't.

Right.

That's no reason to shut down every gender reveal party.

No, I'm not saying you shouldn't be able to have them.

I'm just saying that you're a fucking idiot if you do.

Why?

Why, though?

It can be seen as the analog of a baby shower, which also employs the trope of pink or blue, you know, to designate.

What's a worthy party?

What's a Johnson-improved party then?

I've been thinking about it lately.

White trash themed party.

It's called the WrestleMania barbecue.

Fucking come on that way.

I go every year.

Yeah, like have a have a barbecue in the summer.

I was trying to see if I, I was like, I wonder if I could get all my neighbors to go in on a block party.

But it'd be like, the only way you can come is if you're dressed as white trash.

Right.

Like, and we have all kinds of jersey stuff.

All they got to do is show up.

Yeah.

I know what the fuck is it?

Because we already are.

What do you leave?

Whiter or trashier?

I'm pretty sure Kevin called Highlands White Trash and everybody got so fucking pissed at him.

Called it a white trash town.

Yeah.

Dotty Kovic got all pissy.

Yeah.

People turned on him pretty quick.

I was like, you could have said blue collar, working class, any number of things.

White trash was a little

accurate, but at the same time,

but at the same time, I mean, you think about Highlands in the 70s,

there were not a lot of fancy people.

It was mostly like lower,

middle-class or just lower-class people.

So, what?

Well, no one wants to be labeled that, though.

No, no, there's some pretty proud white trash out there.

You need to be on, you can understand.

Redneck and loving it.

A little

perturbed.

That generation, yes.

I'm not shocked at all that people got mad.

It's not about

every generation gets mad about everything.

Yeah, yeah, you're right.

This is not just relegated to an older generation.

Well, they get different.

They get bad about different things.

Like when I read that he said it, I wasn't like,

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Something you were talking about earlier, the

voice-activated ovens and shit, all that shit.

If you have a sex robot, right?

Super realistic.

They don't exist yet.

Getting pretty close to it.

Like AI, artificial intelligence.

You got yourself a sex robot.

Some people are saying that

that robot can't give consent and therefore it encourages rape and you may even be raping that robot.

That's out there.

That's why would so you rape a flashlight if you use it?

I don't know what that is.

If any generation can give robots personality and humanity, it would be our generation.

We grew up on Star Wars.

Yeah,

she needs personality looking like that.

It looks like a fucking manicure.

We know that robots can have a personality.

I do think that I don't think it'll happen in a lifetime, but I do think that if it gets to that point where

artificial intelligence is that advanced, then

I think you might have a legit issue on your hand.

I think, but that's not what you're talking about, right?

You're talking about fucking like a real dollar some shit like that.

Yeah, this sex robot has a resistance setting that allows men to simulate rape.

Oh, but that's wait, wait.

Isn't it better than

it's like your fucking your little person, your midget thing for pedophiles?

Yeah.

How is that like get it out of the system?

Yeah, if they're if they're attacking a robot, which is not real, then maybe they wouldn't attack a person.

They should

also encourage them to.

If you're a psychopath and wants to do that and you want that setting, your name should be on a list.

Well, no, but that robot should come equipped with like

a flamethrower.

Wait a second.

So that's like saying my car should have a flamethrower if it doesn't.

You're going to try to fuck it?

Maybe.

A lot of people do that.

They marry their cars.

Yeah, I could do whatever I want with it.

I'll get 500 a month.

Fuck that tailpipe.

The resistance could be deadly.

You just don't know.

Oh, yeah.

It like short circuits and fucking paralyzes you.

Yeah.

I mean, is anybody, anybody, is anybody going to miss

that person?

No.

Who was...

Who was crippled by a sex robot?

Do you know how fucking funny that would be?

If somebody raped a sex robot and it like fought back and crippled the guy?

Oh my god.

I hope this is my obituary.

I would watch a TV show.

I would watch a reality show on TV where like that kind of shit could potentially happen.

Like they're on an island and they don't know which robot is going to fuck them.

Is it going to kill them?

Which one's going to fight back with lethal force?

I would want that robot to snap that person's neck so they are bedridden for the rest of their lives.

They can't move anything but their dopey mouth.

Right.

To be like, I wish I never raped that robot.

Let me ask you something.

Let me ask, because this gets into a sticky area.

Like, let's say

you're with a partner, and the two of you are into like rape roleplay.

It's consenting, both sides, but she really wants to get fucking worked over.

Like, she wants that experience.

Right?

Now, those are two consenting adults.

Are you reading from my autobiography?

Right.

All right.

From I.

Johnson.

That's a great reference.

Warning, warning.

So now there's nothing wrong with that, right?

Well, yeah, I guess if you're going to throw that curveball at me, if you're going to throw the consent of...

Why did you do air quotes with consent?

Because, I mean, because it actually is two people.

But this robot just

has a switch.

It has a setting.

It can't control its settings.

Well, no, no.

My point is this.

Like, this is my point.

If there's a guy in that consensual relationship, relationship, right?

Is it two guys or one or a guy?

It doesn't matter.

Let's just say guy and a girl for the sake of this conversation.

And a guy's in that half of the relationship, right?

And he's into the rape roleplay, but he's not into really raping someone.

Okay.

Right.

Then he can get that fetish out with that robot,

but never, you know what I mean?

Never go out and rape someone.

Because he wouldn't.

All right, but if you're a fetish.

But if you're going to put the setting in that it can fight back, then let's go all out and let it really fucking fight back.

But in a consenting relationship, it's like a Let it really fucking like take its hand and just fucking grab it by him throat and crush his windpipe.

I disagree with you, but I also would love to see it.

So I totally watch it.

Yeah, it's like I guess.

You don't know if it's going to be able to do it every time, but there's a chance, though, like every like 10th setting you put that to, it could do that, right?

It's like the Russian roulette rape.

Like one out of ten times, you might get paralyzed.

I mean, you know, it sounds all right.

I would love it.

You know, I mean, although this lady says my dad died that way, that would be crazy.

Oh,

Local man.

How much does this robot cost, though?

$10,000.

This lady who doesn't like it says it promoted criminal sexual behavior and

could normalize sexual violence.

It's a very weird thing to want to.

It's definitely too big for me to unpack.

I'm telling them, see, Dave, I'm like, God, maybe she's right.

I don't know.

Well, here's the thing.

Let's say that somebody gets the robot because that's what they're into.

And they're like, oh, I can really go after it.

Yeah.

Like, even if it does normalize it to that person who eventually goes out and commits a real rape, which would be horrendous.

Isn't it better that he practices on the robot than on

other people?

If it saved even one time him going out.

Is it called practicing?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know, dude.

That's fucking...

No, because.

no.

Like, let's say he was going to practice on someone older, like, way older.

But then not practice, they were raping.

It's not, there's a practical thing.

Well, I mean,

practicing for like moving up to like, you know, real hottie.

Yeah.

Yeah, like non-skanks or whatever.

I don't think it works like that.

Well, thankfully, we don't know what it is.

Let's take the let's take the CD element out of this story, you know, for a minute.

Okay.

If Rudolph is going to be gone in five years, how many years will it be before

the robot is a staple of

in everyone's home?

Guys, you know, like, hey, the wife

has robots.

No, the sex robots.

Well, does this robot have a resistance?

And

it becomes, quote-unquote, accepted in the family unit because, you know, the wife's like, well, yeah, it could take a little pressure off me to have.

It's like a robot.

Sorry to get

all over the house.

Thank God they invented rape robots.

Now my life's a breeze.

The rape bot 2000.

No, no, no.

I don't know.

There is no setting where

it's a willing robot.

How many years before it becomes...

If it's up to the guys, 1995.

No, you know.

We have two women in the room.

I'll throw this to them.

I'd love to hear if your significant other or your partner came to you and was like, I'm going to buy a 10,000.

It'sn't for you because he's right here.

But what is your, try and take Brian Adams.

What is your

significant other is like, I want to get a sex robot for the house.

Just to take a little bit off of you.

Or a lot.

I've been gaining a little weight back.

You say no.

I don't know.

You don't know.

If I bring one home, I'm like, hey, look what I got for us.

That surprised me.

Let me tell you something.

She'd probably be all right with it.

Yeah.

She'd be cool with it.

But, you know, I'm talking about like it's...

What about you?

You don't think it'll ever become normal?

I think it will.

I think it will.

I'm thinking

40 years from now,

it'll become just like...

It's in the closet.

Yes, I'm still alive.

It's in the closet like the exercise bike.

Yeah.

It's put over to the side, and every once in a while when, you know.

Like the wife has been running the kids around to soccer practice and she's got to make dinner and you're just and she's like, not now.

And you just, you know, the husband's just going to run upstairs and do what they do.

And it's no big deal.

It's really like a part of everyday

households across America.

Can I build on that?

I think if that day comes where those robots are that ready available and that good, I think it's game over for relationships.

I'm online the first date like it's a goddamn iPhone.

I think you're, but it'll never be able to

do

everything though.

It'll never be able to like give cook and clean, you mean?

Yeah, like it

to fulfill all your needs, though.

Why not?

What needs can it fulfill?

Well, it can't give birth to your son or your daughter.

You said needs.

Not nightmares.

It can't like legitimately

tell you things about yourself that are, you know, like you need to hear.

Like, you could, you could program it to say things, but you know, it's programmed, and you know, it's not real.

It'll never give you real-time.

But

I loved your inspirational quote.

Oh, thank you.

Are you being sincere?

I don't I still think I still think relationships because

at the end of the day, I think humans really just need humans.

I think that a lot of people end up staying home Saturday nights having sex with that robot.

I don't think it's for the good of society.

You think it'll be, you think it'll be, I mean, will it be worse than the iPhone?

I do think like, like, what, like, all right, now I have a sex robot that looks human.

No, it looks, still looks like a robot.

Your wife is not that fucking

understanding.

And we're talking 40 years in the future.

You don't have to worry about it.

She doesn't want it.

She doesn't want to.

It looks like a robot's hotter than your wife, but it's not like silent.

My wife wants it to look like a robot.

She wants it to look like a hot water.

The 20-year-old Asian girl.

Yes, it does.

It doesn't look.

That looks disturbing.

You don't think 40 years of fucking technology on top of that?

I think the single guys

will be buying the the hot ones, but the married guys will have to buy the ones that are like

robotic looking.

I think it has to look like Rosie, the baby.

Basically.

Again, I'd love to see that.

I think that if the technology is at the point where you can't tell the difference between a real woman and a robot.

Well, that will never fly in a relationship, then.

It's flown in a couple of minds.

I think relationships have a fucking expiration date on them.

I think you could be correct on that.

I think

Saturday night I could stay home.

I'm playing video games.

I ain't got to go out and spend money.

And there's a fucking sex robot like right there that's programmed specifically to do everything.

There you go.

That looks a little better, right?

I mean, than the other one.

The other one looks like.

Why would a college kid be like, let me go out tonight?

And even risk getting in trouble.

Sure, right?

Right.

Yeah.

You know?

I think that's like the end of, like, that's one of the hallmarks of the end of some.

But the robot industry

should realize there's a market out there for the guys with women, with wives.

And they'll build the robots that are not, you know,

not too good looking.

The five series.

Need an average-looking robot.

It has to look like a robot.

It can't really look like a human too much.

It has to look like.

There's no point, then nobody will fuck it.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, right.

Not a mess accepted.

That, that right there, I'd take a swing at that.

The rosy robot?

I mean, go bake me a cookie.

Let me ask you this.

Now it goes to this point where that fucking kind of hot chick there that's not real can also transform into a dude.

And now you're now I'm fucking a dude robot.

Oh, like a gay?

Yeah.

Am I gay or am I just like

now?

I'm getting out all sorts of stuff.

You're bi-robotic.

Be me a backdoor guest

priority.

Why would you think you were gay?

I don't.

That's what I'm saying.

So now this is a situation.

What if he sucks the robot's cock?

Is he gay then?

It's just a role.

It's a robot, though.

It's not a real person.

I couldn't agree more.

But so you

can do that, but the resistance thing too much.

Well, I don't know.

Because people would consider that abnormal.

Even though that type of role play is not super uncommon, I don't think.

I don't know about that, but

why do you want?

Why, why would you?

Why do you suck a robot?

Why do you want to suck a robot stick?

I mean, I've never sucked a dick before, and now here I am with this.

He's going to practice just like they do, just like the rapist guy.

Yeah, like, think about it.

Like, now I can make that robot

be a man or woman.

Would you want it to look like C-3PO or would you want it to look more like Tom Selig or something?

Anthony Daniels.

Yeah.

Do you want it to look like Anthony Daniels?

Anthony Daniels is C-3PO.

Like, get him, like, that program.

Hey, dude, you give Madhead.

I think they got to look human or they don't work.

The odds of me coming are...

What's that?

What do you got?

Real dolls.

Marrying dolls.

Oh, my God.

They get married to them.

The guys do.

Will you accept marriage

in a world where you can marry a doll now?

It's probably the only time.

you'd have to do it.

If it's not taking anything out of my pocket, yes.

Absolutely.

So they should get the same tax breaks as the guys who are putting in the real time.

As long as it's not affecting my money, yes.

No problem.

So like

the guy who's who puts his doll in storage

only breaks it out on

holidays.

He's getting the same tax breaks as I'm getting as being married and having kids.

I don't think so.

That shouldn't work.

It shouldn't work though.

I I mean, now you're talking like Vicki from Small Wonder, right?

Remember that TV show in the 80s?

The guy created a little girl doll and they kept her in a closet.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Tell them, Steve, there.

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