#393: The SS Hoochie

Like, you're a fucking pussy.

Like

I like pussy.

I'd like to go over here and smack that pussy.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

It is good to be back in the saddle, boys.

Yeah.

It feels like forever since we recorded last.

It was a while.

Yeah.

Well, we did the

Christmas episode this week.

Did the Christmas easy

episode is in the can, well, as they said.

In the can.

I think it's going to come out on Black Friday to

reignite the tradition of Black Friday.

That's my fingers crossed.

I don't want to say 100%, but

it's looking good.

But if not Black Friday, then definitely like that first week in December.

Great.

And it's a video pod.

It's pretty visual.

So

the normal audio release,

people on Patreon will get it.

Everybody,

the lowest tier and up will get it.

Even you untouchables at the $5 level.

You'll get it as part of your Patreon membership.

And we'll put it up for people who aren't on Patreon.

We'll put it up on our website for a small fee.

Yeah.

There you go.

It's different.

Video.

It's good, too.

I think it's good.

Well, yeah,

it offers up a lot of opportunities to

do things

and see things, you know, like what we're talking about Christmas-wise, you know, to have some visual reference is always, I think, a neat aspect.

Yeah.

Halloween just passed.

We did our Halloween special, but I didn't get to do my offensive costumes, which is pretty much the offensive costumes every year.

It's always the same thing.

Sure.

But a few things came out.

One possibly

could affect you, Q, and

a friendship that you have.

I want to see, get your feelings on this.

Kim Kardashian called her friends retarded

on Instagram.

I guess she went dressed as Pamela Anderson, and some, I don't know who Jonathan Chubbin or Cheebin is, but he went as Tommy Lee.

And I guess somebody was Instagramming, and

her friends didn't realize those were the costumes because, you know, it's not fucking 1994 or whatever.

you know and uh she called them retarded and then after that came out people on social media began slamming her for using the slur

so uh

you know i know that you have a good relationship with the kardashians have oh yeah they were just over yeah it was just over last night uh

you know i think it's like everything else like she knows she shouldn't say it so

Why is she saying it?

Should she be allowed to say it, though, without apologizing?

She doesn't have to apologize.

She doesn't.

No.

This is a rarity, but I'm defending Kim Kardashian.

But from what?

Like, what are you defending her?

I don't think she should have apologized.

She's not saying they're retarded, as in they're fundamentally,

you know, retarded.

She's not saying that

they're special needs.

She's like, they're dope.

Yeah.

Like, how could you not get it?

So say dopey.

Phone face.

Why do you have to use phone face?

Phone face is great.

Yeah.

Nothing negative, but attacking.

The good thing is

all that came out of all of this is that she apologized to a whole bunch of young white social justice warriors on Twitter as opposed to actual retarded people.

But like, all right, so what you're saying is, let's say the reason that people want people to stop saying retarded is because

it drips down to the younger people.

They go to school and because they've kind of been mocked or dehumanized in a way, being referred to as retarded, they want people to stop saying it because that they might bully that kid or pick on that kid or not accept that kid.

The retarded kid.

Yeah.

That's why.

So, what you're saying is for you,

it's more important that Kim Kardashian be able to say things without catching shit than it is for that kid, that poor little kid at school to get picked on?

That is exactly what I'm saying.

But why?

Because what other words are offensive?

So many.

People find so many words offensive.

Sure.

Kim Cray.

How many retarded people do you think saw that Instagram?

How many little children saw it?

Probably not too many.

Well, I don't think it's about that hurting their feelings.

I think it's about fostering

an environment where they're not to be mocked.

But she wasn't mocking retarded people, was she?

Unless I misunderstand.

She was using them as the bar for mockery.

Foil.

Which is kind of even worse in a way.

Like, you are the standard for retardation like yeah like it doesn't get any lower than you yeah and that's what i'm using to mock my friends like has the medical community retired that word i don't think so so

the a doctor can use that word when right

who knows is there a better is there a more i don't think a doctor would walk in and be like uh ma'am your son's retarded no so even so even the medical community can't use the word mentally retarded is no i think it's still a term that's in use yeah is there a better term

is there a more it says it all no no no yeah it's a slowing find it offensive retardation is a slowing of of something a process well they're not saying the word is they're saying what the word has become to mean is what they want to get away from not the word but i don't think the word means that anymore i don't think anyone like you know if i if i call somebody retarded

that

They think, oh my god, he means that like I'm often talking about it.

I don't think that's what everything I mean.

If I were to be like,'Yeah, don't be retarded.

Yeah, you think that I'm talking about special needs people, or just in general, being like.' No, I think you're talking specifically about special needs people.

But what's the and again, I'm not offended.

I just think it's dumb for her to say it.

Sure, it is.

Yeah, sure, it is.

But what's the proper word, though, that everybody would use and nobody would be mad at?

Well, I think you could say dumb, which no, no, no.

I'm talking about

for people who are

people who are

mentally challenged.

So if she had said, guys, you're being mentally challenged, would she have gotten away with it?

Probably less.

Probably less shit, but I think people would be like, oh, that's weird.

She should have just said retarded.

Yeah, I don't yeah, I mean, so you're asking, like, if

they used

an authentic medical experiment, if Kim Kardashian did, people would be less upset by that.

Could she get away with it then?

Could she escape any criticism if she just used the word that doctors use?

And then convince the world that she's actually a doctor?

I don't know.

She may be able to.

Let's see.

We'll look it up real fast.

We'll see what mental retardation is called these days.

Mental retardation.

It's just called challenged, I thought.

Intellectual disability.

Ah, there you go.

Okay, so if she were like, oh, my God, do these guys have an intellectual intellectual disability or what?

That sounds like it.

It doesn't roll off the

sting.

We got to keep it.

That's what we want to eradicate, though, the sting.

Yeah.

I don't want to eradicate it.

I mean, well, that's what a lot of people want to do.

They want to eradicate

words.

They need sting, though.

Yeah, well, you know.

It just so happens that if I'm like, Q, what are you a retard?

Yeah.

It stings him and the retarded person,

which is unfortunate.

Those are a little

bit collateral damage there.

You know, I want to sting my friend.

Yeah.

I just don't like

she shouldn't say it.

It's dumb to say.

Especially if you know there's a camera on you.

I don't understand how she could make that mistake, though, unless it was intentional.

Is it like, okay, it's been four days since someone wrote a story about me?

I'm going to say this, and I'm going to put my name right back up there on the trend,

on the bubble, on all that stuff, because then everybody's talking about her once again.

All she has to do is show her tits again.

Everybody will talk.

Maybe she didn't want to do that, probably.

A lot easier just to say the R-word.

But her tits are a positive thing.

Nobody is just like, oh.

She's a mother now.

Should she be just flat getting him out for no reason?

Fuck yes.

Yes.

Eslaw?

Yes.

What's that little boy's name?

North.

North.

I mean, North.

Yeah, you don't want to.

I mean, North doesn't want to have his mommy

parading out and about with our bits hanging out, though, at this stage.

What North has to realize is his mommy became famous because Ray J blasted a load on her face.

So her tits being out is actually kind of classy compared to that.

He's like, wow.

Got a long way, man.

I just don't like the idea that, like, no, don't say retarded.

If you're being, you know, using it as a pejorative, not nice.

But I just don't know who she's apologizing to.

Because people just issue these blanket apologies to everyone.

I rarely want to talk about this, but I saw an apology that was breathtaking in its

all-encompassing buckling.

It was just awe-inspiring.

Is he talking about the Ching Chong song?

I have never

substance abuse probably just started admitting to shit.

I was just blown away and how,

I mean, it was like you, like, the person who issued the apology literally just removed their spine and just became protoplasm.

I can't wait to hear who this is.

It was him looking in the mirror.

Just a debt.

Yes.

Oh, really?

It's not me, but I mean, like, as a person who has had to remove their spine and become like a little like amoeba

and navigate the way in the world where you have to do that from time to time, I know fully well

what the bottom of people's feet tastes like.

That was my ass taste.

Yeah, I know full well.

So when I saw this apology, I was just blown away and I was just like, whoa, that may be the most like amazing apology I've ever seen in terms of just like just

discarding all masculinity.

Well, it was from a woman, though.

Have you ever heard the term?

I had never heard this before, though, rom-com.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Romantic comedy.

I never knew it.

I never heard it before.

And I saw it in this thing I was reading about, rom-com, rom-com.

Yeah, I was like, I was like, Space Knight.

I want that omnibus.

So I didn't know what it meant, but have you ever, she was, she's this new actress.

She's kind of on the plump side.

Oh, Fat Rebel Wilson?

Yes, I think it was her.

That's her legal name.

She made the claim that she was the first plus-size actress in a rom-com.

Okay.

And she took a ton, a ton, a ton of shit because apparently she wasn't.

Not only was she not,

but she was discounting Queen Latifah.

Yeah.

This is the case.

And she took

a meteor storm of

tweets were like

directed towards her for her mistake and her arrogance and

her

non-apology tone.

So to positively that she's got coming out.

Well, she wanted to apologize for misspeaking

to everyone.

to the public in general and diminishing other actresses who came before her who were in a plus size that also got into a rom-com.

Now, are you sure?

I mean, Rebel Wilson's pretty fat.

Maybe her spine just collapsed at the same time she was apologizing.

Do you have the tweet?

Can you pull the tweet up?

Can you read the, like, it's multiple tweets, though.

Oh, yeah.

There's one point where I was just like, I know I had to apologize via the tweet machine, too, years ago when Compic Man first came out.

I made the horrific statement that I didn't think women were funny, and I had to issue a statement via the Twitter that I was wrong.

You were more animal than man at the time, I recall.

And so, but when I saw what she wrote, I was just like, I was just like blown away.

I was like, holy shit, that's the way you fucking buckle.

Wow.

That's the way you do it because you got a movie coming out and you got to make sure anybody's, nobody's pissed at you and everyone will go to see that movie.

Oh, I can't wait to hear this.

You're like, this is next level cadence.

Do you have all the tweets that you have right here?

Oh, my God.

There's one point where I'm just like, just like

astonished that she would write that.

So

Twitter was quick to point out that other plus-size actresses such as Ricky Lake, Queen Latifah, and Monique had all starred in Rob-Coms.

And then she defended this with

her tweet to somebody, somebody pointed that out.

And then she tweeted back, hey, girl, yes, I know, of course, of these movies, but it was questionable as to whether, one, technically those actresses were plus-sized when filming those movies.

Two, technically those films are categorized billed as studio rom-com with a sole lead.

So there's a slight gray area well that's her but that's her being arrogant and that's her being before before she realizes like oh fuck that's her second mistake

yeah you got to buckle immediately like i did

barely complete the sentence before you're like yeah sorry please please please please

um but no go to her apology tweets or multiple apology tweets they're a fucking like textbook they're new textbook because like going forward now people are gonna have have to be even more

kissing ass and begging for forgiveness.

Hey, Katie, let's call this fat news.

It's a couple of people.

I haven't had fat news in a while, yeah.

Okay, so Rebel Wilson says, in a couple of well-intentioned moments, hoping to lift my fellow plus-sized women up.

Oh, God.

You're going to need a crane for that.

Oh, God.

So she's already on the fucking, on the

sanctimonious.

I'm white.

I'm Lady Jesus.

I'm going to save us all.

Yeah, fat girl.

She was lifting everybody up.

Yep.

I neglected to show the proper respect to those who climbed this mountain before me, like Monique, Queen Latifa, Melissa McCarthy, Ricky Lake.

Has Melissa McCarthy been in a romantic comedy?

I find that hard to believe.

With the help of some compassionate.

But what if she didn't like any of them?

What if she was like, I saw those movies, I thought they sucked.

Well, it wouldn't change.

It's about sucking.

It's first.

It's about being first.

She's saying she's the first fat child.

Yeah, but if she was just like...

She's Kitty Schumer also.

If she's like, look, I fucking don't count them because I thought those movies sucked.

That would be amazing.

It would be amazing.

But not to the audience that's going to go see her movies.

Like, you'd be like, that's amazing.

I'm still not going to go see her.

No, if she came out like that, I would run a bullshit movie She's not coming out.

I would go see it.

She maintains the indifferent

camp.

Yeah, and like not going to see it.

Totally loses the people that were going to go see it.

I mean, maybe I won't go see it in the theaters, but I would buy it on iTunes to support her.

With the help of some very compassionate and well-thought-out responses from others on social media, I now realize what I said was not only wrong, but also incredibly hurtful.

Oh, God, who?

Who's hurt by that?

It's better.

There's only

people who could potentially be hurt.

The people she just made.

To be hits, better or worse,

however you want to paint this.

To be a part of the problem I was hoping I was helping makes it that much more embarrassing and hard to acknowledge.

God,

that's awesome.

It's self-flagellation on social media.

It's insane.

She's like the Filipino guys that march around whipping their own ass.

It's actually uncomfortable to hear.

Wait till you get to even the best part, the part where I was just, I had to sit down and be like, whoa, I got to tip my hat to you,

Rebel Wilson.

What's her name?

Rebel Wilson.

Rebel Wilson.

I blocked people on Twitter because I was hurting from the criticism.

But those are the people I actually need to hear from more, not less.

Again, I am deeply sorry.

That's the moment where I was just like,

she's apologizing for blocking people who are fucking throwing me.

And I need to hear those opinions more to be a better person.

The judgmental clocksuckers all over Twitter

who just want to jump on and hashtag something.

It says hashtag uncablocked.

Oh my god.

That is fucking hysterical.

Amazing.

You know, some PR person had to be like,

it's going to be tough for you to swallow.

She's like, wow, I'll be a first.

But you're going to have to do this because you got to, you know, you know that rom-com, you business.

You know how much money we have in this?

That's true.

I sure hope nobody on Twitter says anything about my fat comments, so I absolutely have to apologize on Twitter for sure.

Oh, that's so funny.

Yeah, but that's a new level of like musk and buckling.

That was hard to hear.

Yeah, it's cringy because again, it's like she made a mistake.

That first tweet she should not have sent were like, hey, man, it's a gray area.

Because I don't know how fat they were.

It's like, well, go fucking, like, just Google it real quick and you'll see if they were fat or not.

I seem to remember.

What's her name?

Queen Latifah being kind of heavy at the time.

I don't know.

Was she in taxi with Jimmy Fallon?

Did you like her rap when she was a rapper?

In one or two songs that were hits, I guess, but I don't think I've ever owned an album either.

Because I mean, would that have been in your

high school, right?

Yeah.

Rap.

Would the boys

kind of be like, no, that's a.

That's a girl rap.

That's a girl rap.

I don't know.

I always went, okay.

I don't think it's like that.

I'm getting into Nicki Minaj lately, man.

What does that mean?

I don't know.

I heard a song, and I was like, what song?

Barbie Dreams?

Nicki Minaj Minaj has a song called Barbie Dreams and that's turned you into a Nicki Minaj fan?

I don't know about a fan, but what would you call it?

Like Night Curious?

Okay.

Yeah.

How do you think male rappers, like on a scale, like for every 10 units sold,

is it like...

What's a female hat?

I'm not sure.

Because in rock, it's almost like it's very difficult for female, I think, vocalists to sell the same amount of records.

If anybody's even buying records anymore, but

back in the day, I meant.

I'll bet you like, say, someone like Missy Elliott did really well.

Yeah, I'm sure.

She was great.

She's considered like a lot of people.

But pop, I mean, it's totally different.

Pop, I mean, Taylor Swift is the biggest.

Wait, are you talking about specifically rappers?

I'm talking about rappers

because

pop, I mean, you know, it doesn't matter.

I mean, I think females probably

dominate it, yeah.

Yeah, so they dominate those charts.

But in rap and rock, I wondered if it was the same kind of like, is it harder to get those big numbers if you're a female?

I wouldn't be surprised because I think both,

I think where pop is, and I'm just spitballing here, the definition of pop is a sort of personality-less,

always-changing, nebulous thing that, you know, changes with the times, whereas rock, good rock, and good rap need a sort of authenticity to it.

You know what I mean?

Like a grittiness in both areas that I think most people have a hard hard time assigning to women.

So, okay, so for female rappers now, let's just say now, you have Nikki Minaj, of course, and Cardi B, who I wouldn't be surprised if Cardi B was outselling everyone.

Right.

Yeah, that's that's not me saying that there are no good rappers or rock groups at all.

I'm just yeah, you don't want to have to fucking get a tweet out there like fucking Rebel Wilson.

They can't make her look like she's a shred of dignity.

Oh my god, guys.

What I said, I look, I'm trying to to get a cause going here.

Whatever you are thinking at the moment is your cause, is my cause.

And I said something that went against that.

And I apologize.

Lil Kim.

Lil Kim legendary.

That one's legit.

Yeah.

She now looks like an alien who got plastic surgery.

Oh, my God.

She's bizarre.

Oh, Lil Kim.

Yeah, we got Missy Elliott.

I got Queen Latifah.

She's not still.

Pretty sure she's not.

I wouldn't say.

No, Queen Latifah, like, she had her TV show

for a while.

So I don't think

I don't think she raps anymore.

But yeah, those are...

I mean, I just also, just because there's so many more male rappers, right?

Like, if you're taking total numbers

on either side.

But I'll bet you Cardi B.

Like, I've had a point to one.

She's probably the one outselling everyone.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think so.

I'm not that familiar with her.

No.

But she got popular real fast.

Stripper.

A stripper.

Good for her.

Well, that would be it.

But that would be

that would give you a lot of life experience to rap about, though.

Yeah.

You know, that would be like just so much fuel to fuel those raps, though, you know?

Because it's not just like,

okay, I'm on stage taking my clothes off.

It's everything that led up to being on that stage to take your clothes off.

And then everything after the first time you did it with the drugs and the fucking

drugs, too.

And strip clubs?

Oh, yeah.

I mean, those girls are zombie stage, man.

That's how they get there.

It's the only way they can do it.

Oh, the other thing this Halloween that I thought was

weird.

I'll let you know.

Or you can tell me what you think was weird about it.

So in Pittsburgh, the guy who walks into the synagogue, all Jews must die, and shoots them.

It's a bunch of Jewish people.

Technically, he's correct.

All Jews must die.

We all must die at some point.

Sure.

I think he's

talking about it from a different.

He had like an emphasis on the must that we're not.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

And why did he say?

Did he leave behind the manifesto?

Like, why would the Jews?

I think he's no, he's alive.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I don't know that he said anything.

I know that he pled not guilty or pleaded not guilty.

I never know what the difference is.

Pled or pled.

That's that's going to be a tough case.

Yeah, I mean,

what the fuck?

Yeah, I'm curious as to why he thinks all Jews need to die.

Like,

I don't know.

And anti-Semitism is not, like, a small thing,

but I can't get my head around it.

And this isn't that I woke or anything.

I'm just like, I don't, I've never been, like, I've never been like, why would you hate Jewish people?

I don't get it.

Yeah,

I agree with you.

Look, I get some people not liking them,

but the Jews, Jewish people were never, were never that.

Yeah.

I mean, you know what?

If you're going to get...

If you're going to go deep down like the the Orthodox down in like Lakewood, where they all had the welfare scams going, and they don't get legally married, so they can get public assistance, and they have kids, like all that shit.

If you're like, oh, man,

that's a shitty thing to do, and this is a community of people who do it.

But to say that's like all Jewish people support is ridiculous.

I think the Hasidics are like, at least in New York City, like they're the ones that get a lot of ire because they're just, you know, very secular and odd.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

They're like, well, like when that kid got killed a couple years back, the whole community was like sort of protecting

him.

It's it's weird, but I've never

kind of just

never understood anti-Semitism at all.

It doesn't seem like every Jewish person, you know, is like, yeah, I like that guy, he's pretty cool.

I mean, I don't think of him as Jewish at all.

I'm just like, oh, that's my, I don't know, you know what I mean?

Like, otherwise, you'd think, oh, he must die.

Yeah, I guess so.

I just see them as individual humans.

Yeah.

That's my problem.

So, I know.

That's on you, bro.

So, there was a haunted house controversy in Ohio

where what was touted as the 28th edition of Haunted Hoochie, I think that's the name of the haunted attraction, annual swastika Saturday drew sharp criticism this past weekend.

And this was like right after that mass shooting.

Now, what immediately struck me was 28th annual.

Are you telling me that for the past 27 years, no one was like, well, this is kind of weird.

Yeah.

And it's like, you know, you're dressing, people are dressing up in all kinds of weird costumes.

And like, you know, you can have swastikas and

dudes and like big fat guys in bikinis.

I would not want to go to that party.

If the main selling point was, I what are you doing Saturday night?

I got this fucking awesome party.

Listen, they got cheap beers.

Girls there, get drunk and get this.

This is the best part.

You could wear a swastika if you want because of swastika Saturday.

I wouldn't conceive of going.

What state?

This was in Ohio.

Wow.

It was stated,

okay, it was stated that the park would be offering last chance swastika Saturday and get in free if you're sporting a hoochie tattoo.

Hell yeah.

What a great post.

The Instagram post drew sharp criticism from many, while others, and these are the people I really love because they think they're so fucking smart,

defended the swastika as a symbol of peace.

People always be like, oh, you know, that was

by the Nazis.

Yeah, nobody gives a fuck.

It was corrupted by that word.

Isn't that what you're saying with the word retarded?

Isn't that your exact argument?

What, retarded?

Yeah.

Well, it meant this.

Retarded.

No, no, no.

Retarded

just has none of the same connotation anymore.

I don't think when people are in general casual conversation talking about, I don't be so retarded.

They're not, maybe somewhere deep down in their mind, they're like, it's there.

But I don't think most people think special needs.

I use the word all the time.

Never once.

Maybe

I can't speak.

I can't speak for you.

I'm not thinking that.

I can't speak for you, but I just disagree.

I think the world logic is retarded and they think of special needs.

You would prefer that the word not be used anymore.

I don't really care either way, but if I had to make a choice, I would say.

They're going to come to you and be like, you're going to decide.

Well, no, my decision would be like, use it if you want.

I just don't think it's a good idea.

You know, being very, that's very difficult.

Because I don't want to rule out words.

No, I don't want to rule out words.

So, being on the show, you can't get political.

It would be like choosing Trump or whatever other candidate.

You can't do that.

So

can we err on the side of caution here?

We should.

That would be my advice to them.

But how do you stop?

But I'm not going to write a law about it.

Yeah, how do you stop people from doing it?

You're like, if you say return.

Well, you can't stop.

I mean,

but if it becomes more harsher

backlash to people using that word, people will

start to stop using that word, though, especially if

somebody of your stature were to be like, let's cut that word out, guys.

Oh, if you did a PSL.

Oh, man.

There's a lot of people who think retarded

is a bad word.

Personally, I don't care.

I don't care.

I don't want out low words.

I ain't got no horse in this game.

But retards are all getting all worked up about it.

Well, I mean, what I would say is that I think people who are getting upset about words is, in my humble opinion, kind of absurd.

But they're out there and

they got nothing better to do with their own lives.

So just

point some fingers.

Well, I'm just saying, like, if you just start dropping the fucking R-bomb, you're just inviting these people into your life.

And I'm not even, and like, that's what I don't want.

Right.

I don't want these people in my lives.

Like, I don't want people who get that worked up about a word

feeling they need to interact with me.

So, so, really, it's like saying Betelgeuse's name three times.

Like, I don't want to say it.

It all stems from your complete lack of interest in anyone interacting with you.

Yeah, that's what it is.

That is 100% what I do.

I got to respect that.

Yeah.

Well, the medical community would have to back you on this, though, if you were to come out on this, because they have to, because we, as we know from prior discussions about this, there is the condition of the retarded ejaculation

we have to come up with a new name for that right that was my rap name and I had a short-lived career the retarded ejaculation

it was little retarded ejaculation it has nothing to do with I think it hasn't it totally has nothing to do with like your face or your body when when you when you

blow it's just like I think it just doesn't come out properly

oh so you're saying subtly I'm not like intellectually inferior

Like,

if I were like, as I'm coming, I'm to take like a standardized test to get into college.

How many questions?

I would do poorly.

How many questions could you complete?

Depends on how retarded it is.

One

before your client, you're just about ready to go.

That's when you take the test.

That's when I just pack the test up, put my glasses on.

Let me see how I do on this.

This is a three-question I see.

Okay, this is from the Global Down Syndrome Foundation.

Yeah.

Words can hurt.

To end the use of derogatory words, such as the R word, like I'm joking about using retarded all the time.

If somebody said retarded to say, she would not know what the fuck they were talking about.

She'd have no idea.

Right.

You know?

But I'm sure some other people would have to.

This is to help families who may have special needs too.

They don't want to hear that word, right?

I do.

I don't care.

I don't care if Kim kim kardashian uses it but not everybody's brian johnson though like tough fucking you know thorny fucking salty

yeah you know you know they're like fucking a man's man not everybody's fucking brian johnson

patriot who's into the constitution

but other people are a little bit more sensitive okay here are the words okay here are the words words that you can use.

Ooh, okay.

According to these guys.

And this is from a renowned educator, an inclusion specialist.

Could you imagine being an inclusion specialist?

He was the first person that had that title in this world.

What do you do?

I'm an inclusive.

Oh, hey, Gary's here.

Gary, hey, you remember your grandfather?

He fought in World War II.

Oh, this is your father.

You remember him?

Those are Vietnam.

So what do you do?

I'm an inclusion specialist.

Oh, what's that?

Well, you're about to find out because I heard you use the word retarded.

And although you storm the beaches of Normandy, that was a long time ago, and lots changed since then.

You might have called some of those Jerry's retards.

I don't know.

You probably did.

Jerry's.

What I'm saying is we need to go through a three-week intensive time.

Time's up.

Time's up, guys.

Hashtag time's up.

I'm an inclusion specialist.

Oh, God.

I wonder how much it pays.

I don't know.

Because you get me the right number.

I'll be like, well, guys, we have to take this seriously.

Yeah, you're all inclusion specialists.

Yeah,

how does one get the proper credentials to call themselves that, though?

I don't know.

I'll look it up afterwards.

But I also feel like

by not making fun of retarded people, like you're not, you're being the opposite of inclusive.

I make fun of Sage all the time.

But I, I know anybody who says I'm not going to includer

that word is not making fun.

That's oh, oh, no, no, yeah, no, no, no.

But I'm talking about just inclusion in general.

No, it can't be like, hey, let me include you.

We're all saying retards.

Yeah.

There are certain words

from our youth that have to be retired for the betterment of the country.

You know, the F word.

Relook it.

Faggot?

Like, faggot?

Yeah, that word's gone.

Faggot.

And R should be gone, too.

Okay, so the F word, the R word.

What else we got?

I'll bet you a lot of women would like to see the C word go away.

Not necessarily in the UK.

Isn't that just a part of the anatomy?

Sure.

I never understood that.

Well,

it has a very heavy connotation of like, if you want to cut to the bone

and like

when you're arguing, especially if you're arguing with a woman and you're like, you know what, you're a real fucking cunt.

How funny?

I don't think there's anything you can say that will infuriate them more, right?

But we can call people pussies.

I wouldn't be surprised if that's on its way out.

No.

I haven't heard that yet.

I haven't heard it yet.

I don't want to give that up.

Yeah, I could give

all the other ones up.

I never used those, but man.

Pussy.

Well, you could be like, I mean, pussy cat.

You know?

You're winking.

You know, you're giving that wink to everybody.

You're like, hey.

That's as good as a nod, you know?

But that's the dog whistle, though, isn't it, though?

When you call somebody a pussy.

Yeah.

But that you know what you mean, though, right?

Yeah, but you know what you mean when you say n-word.

Oh, I don't.

You don't even say that.

You're like, I don't know what that means.

That's the thing about, like, oh, N-word.

It's like, you just made me think of the word so that you don't have to deal with saying the word.

It's fucked up.

It's like, just don't bring it up at all.

So what's a better word then?

Okay, if we can't call somebody a pussy, what's a better word then?

I like pussy.

I think

lame, you could be like, but you could say.

You're fucking lame, bro.

But this is one of those words, though, that has lame isn't going to get you into a fight.

Like, you're a fucking pussy.

Like, that'll get you into a fight.

But, but it's all about context, though.

This word, though.

This pussy word is all about context because you could say it in a way like, oh, let me eat that.

Yeah.

But then if you're just like,

look at that pussy over there with his tight jeans on.

Fucking

smack them.

Does it work for dominoes?

I'd like to go over there and smack that pussy.

But like,

I don't want to be next to you when you're saying these things.

I can't say them anymore.

Apparently, you just said that'd be a fucking patriot level out there.

But, like, it's all about context with Posito.

Like, a lot of words are just out.

No context doesn't matter.

Right.

But pussy still is okay in

certain environments and certain with certain people in the room.

Yeah.

It's a lot to learn.

It's a lot to fucking navigate in 2018.

It's hard to use when you're not hanging around with a bunch of faggot white knights

who are like policing every word you say, then it's okay.

Have you used the word the P-word on anybody lately?

Oh, sure.

Probably 10 times on the way here.

Yeah, yeah,

I've not curved that one.

In a way that you wouldn't want your mother to hear you say it.

Right.

Well, I guess you wouldn't want her to hear you say it.

Either way, dad's a real pussy.

Why are his people's pants on?

I want to beat him up.

Where you going, pussy?

But I mean, you know what I mean, like in a more hostile way.

Yeah.

You can say pussy in a very loving way.

Yeah.

Wow, look at that pussy.

Yeah, like you're going to, you're going to.

I'm going to make love to that pussy.

In that case, I don't think lame is going to be an acceptable substitute.

Oh, my God.

I want to eat your lame so bad.

Fuck it.

Put that lame on my mouth.

Quick, give me my test.

I got some retarded ejaculation.

Somebody, oh, wait, so let me,

well, I'll tell you what, okay, you want to know what words you shouldn't use.

Yeah.

Well, what words are appropriate, you said?

Okay.

I wish it were just a word, but, okay, one is intellectually and developmentally disabled.

Cognitive disability.

Intellectual disability.

I like that cognitive.

Yeah.

Cognitive disability?

I wish Kim K had said that word instead.

Like, what are they?

Cognitively disabled?

That would have been amazing.

People would have been like, wow.

She's a genius, man.

She means retarded.

Because it would have been so much more vital.

Like, if she had said that, the slapdown would have been like, it would have been like people,

her followers would have just been like in awe.

I can't believe she just said that.

I'm actually a fan of what you used to call kids at the wreck all the time.

You call them simpletons.

That is a great one.

I mean, that's pretty good, yeah.

It's an old-fashioned word.

Yeah.

It's like old West shit.

Yeah, simpletons.

Soft in the head.

Touched.

Yeah, touched is good.

And then you have

challenged or

differently abled.

Wow.

But I got to tell you, that one is not accurate.

You know, take Sage, for example.

How is she differently abled?

And just in as much as

she's not as abled as she lives.

She's limited.

So it would be limited.

Well, it is different.

Yeah, it is different.

Differently abled.

Yeah, she's just different.

But I thought that's not inclusive.

That is the exact opposite of inclusive, isn't it?

It's right.

Different.

You could ask an inclusion specialist.

God damn it.

Let me see how much they make.

Okay.

And also, don't say that if you have somebody with Down syndrome, don't say it's a disease, because it's not.

I guess it's a condition.

There's no disease something you can catch, right?

Yeah.

Or not all, not necessarily, right?

Not all diseases are communicable.

Yeah.

I've never said that out loud.

Did I say that right?

Yeah, nice work.

Don't say that they suffer from or afflicted by.

That one I agree with.

That fucking kid is way happier than anyone I know.

Something you just said, though, with

like it's old school, like Simpleton.

I was having a conversation with someone and used the word hip, and they're like, you're old, nobody says hip anymore.

Now, I want to know, can someone explain the difference to me?

Like, why is hip not in vogue and

considered hipster?

Yeah, but just like, I am hip.

Like, you know, it's just a short form of the word versus, like, say, lit.

Why does every generation think their words are the words?

Lit?

You said?

Because they are.

What's lit mean?

It's only the words within that generation.

Why do I have to now refucking, like, relearn my entire vocabulary to stay hip?

Oh, I'm not going.

I'm not going to.

Just say it.

I'll use hip until I fucking break one and fall into my grave.

What's the problem?

Is lit drunk or high?

No, lit is like, no.

It means cool.

Yeah.

Oh, I didn't know that.

It basically means the same thing as as hip.

But they're like, no, this is the word you need to use, old man.

Didn't hip replace something?

And I'm like, groovy.

Fuck you, Nina Red.

But didn't lit

used to mean that they were on something?

Yeah.

But that's no longer the case.

Yeah.

Or like.

Or if you beat somebody up, it's like, holy shit, he lit them up, man.

Like, you fucked them up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

A hard hit.

You know, like, you got lit up.

Yeah.

Who are these people that are gonna come out and stop you from saying hip?

Oh, they're trying, these youngsters

telling you, man, is it trying to change the whole world?

No, so she doesn't correct your uh old

English that you

you crack on her half the time.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

It sounds like you're speaking Latin, yeah.

The other day, we were talking, it was so weird in a news report.

A guy said almost a score ago, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Like a regular news report.

And I was like,

I respect it, but who the fuck, like, how many people are like, score?

What is that?

Like, what is that?

How many days is that?

Yeah, it's, it's, isn't it?

No, it's

years, I think.

It's 20 years, I think, a score.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So it's like, just say 20 years.

Yeah.

Why are you saying a score?

I thought that was really strange.

He's hip.

He's lit.

He's hip and lit.

He's lit AF.

There's just too much.

Like you look at Urban Dictionary, man, there's new words added every day.

You can't keep up.

So when you're talking with your girl,

do you find yourself trying to hard to keep up and understand what she's talking about?

And you have to stop her.

And no.

She is so not average.

She doesn't know anything.

I know way, way, way more about pop culture and like

any number of things you can name, like women's fashion,

any number of things.

She didn't know what a certain shoe was.

I was like, How have you never heard of this brand?

So, you know, and she didn't find that a little eyebrow raising that my man knows more about women's shoes than I do.

It wasn't thongs, it wasn't Debbie Chen, yeah.

Don't forget the thongs

and pocketbooks,

no purses.

I mean,

she's like, Are those my heels?

I'm like, Yeah, fashion bags, do I look lit,

clip, clop.

No,

we actually, we do this thing because, like, if we watch TV or a movie

or any number of things where she doesn't get a reference, I'll tell her.

And you're just like, we do that where she has to go look it up.

We do.

Pause the TV and go look it up.

Don't ask me.

Go look it up.

Learn.

We educate.

This is how we learn.

Condescending.

She's like, I'm so glad I fucked that guy in his bed.

Not so lit, is it?

No, I'll tell her.

I'll be like, oh, this guy, what this reference means is blah, blah, blah.

And then she goes,

from the old pop-up video, which started everything because I used to tell her, I was like,

I said, everything I tell you, it's like a pop-up video.

And she's like, what's that?

She's a little younger than me.

So I was like, this is what pop-up video is.

So now when I tell her something,

she makes

when you give her information.

Whether it's accurate or inaccurate, she's going to make the noise.

Always accurate.

Come on.

Every single thing you've never made a mistake?

No, never.

Not once.

Not once.

I swear, if it's about pop culture or like this guy was in this,

that's impossible.

You can tell her things about it.

It's okay to make one mistake about if fucking Clint Eastwood wasn't in a movie or in front of me.

No, no, no.

I only tell her things I absolutely know.

Why wouldn't I say it?

How about making up?

Because you want the noise.

I haven't heard it in a couple hours.

Hours.

Two hours is again antsy.

Pablo's dog shit.

She has to pretend she doesn't know something.

She's like, do I cross on the one again?

Well, back in our day.

Cross at the green, not in between.

So let's say,

just for the sake of argument,

just for the sake of argument, I'm not saying it happened, but let's just say you did make one mistake.

I would tell her if I feel like I'm not sure.

But how would I, yeah, what would her reaction be?

Oh, she would immediately break up.

no, I think she'd be like, oh, I mean, obviously I'm like not infallible, but I'm saying like, you sure sounded like you thought you were.

If I told her, like, I'm sure it's true, like, because I would only say it if I knew it was true.

But if I did happen to make a mistake, which is highly unlikely,

I would definitely go back to her.

I think her reaction would be like, oh,

is there like a protocol to take the back if you make a mistake?

Or we would probably, yeah, obviously.

We haven't said it up.

Yeah, yeah.

No one else.

Well, when you know, you're basically regarded as God.

Like,

why would you even have that discussion?

Yeah, don't even set the precedent that God could be wrong.

Nobody wants to hear that our God made a mistake.

We just want to give little pop-up noises to

be taken care of.

That's sweet, though.

You know?

That's nice, though.

You got the little pop-up.

It's our little thing.

That's your little thing that you guys made up.

That's cool.

Yeah.

She wants to do other romantic stuff.

Not really really romantic, but stuff that I'm like, I'm not doing.

Like, what?

Pick apples.

Pick an apple?

You're not going out picking apples?

No, she didn't make a day trip where you go pick apples and put them in a peach basket.

Is that something people want in an apple basket?

It's more romantic.

You've never been on an apple trip.

It's a metaphor.

Oh,

I want to put it in an apple basket.

I want to put it in a peach basket.

Yeah, if you know what I'm talking about.

Oh, look at that peach clothes.

It's a pussy basket, right?

It's just a fucking pussy basketball.

It's a cunt basket.

You're a cunt.

Cool, the farmer's coming.

So am I.

What are some of the romantic things that she wants to

do?

So fucking knowledgeable about pop culture.

You know everything before 1996.

I don't buy that shit, though.

I don't buy like, well, I wasn't born then.

I wasn't born in the 50s, and I know plenty about that.

One time I was like, I'll admit I was a little bit high and I was going on and on about vaudeville.

Vaudeville?

Was she like, what's a vaudeville?

No, she goes,

she was frustrated.

One of those few times that she got frustrated, frustrated, she's like, Brian, sorry, I just don't know that much about Vaudeville.

To be a fly in the wall, to hear the fucking like

was the last time before that anybody had an impassioned conversation about Vaudeville.

The last time a 50-year-old man and a 20-year-old girlfriend ever had to ever spoke that sentence back and forth to each other.

Well, probably when like.

They probably went a real vaudeville actor said it.

When Buster Keaton had a conversation with his 20-year-old girlfriend, some asshole in the cat skills 40 years ago.

Oh, man.

Yeah, so sometimes I tend to go on

with those other things.

Yeah, like in retrospect, even if she did know a lot about it, she'd be like, still, he's now he's just telling me stuff I know.

Right now, he's just telling me stuff I don't want to hear.

And you never worry about coming across as that, like,

that know-it-all, though?

Look, man.

She knew what you were getting herself.

He rolled the eyes before he said it.

Are you kidding me?

Check this guy out.

Is this a simpleton over here?

She knew what she was signing on for.

Oh, she definitely did.

You know what you're getting.

I'm trying to make a Christmas card.

Like a Christmas card that you send out in the mail

with like

pictures.

Oh, wow.

Oh, the family.

Like a family.

Yeah.

And I guess the fucker.

That is a terrible, terrible idea.

Why?

I almost wanted to do it because I wanted you guys to see it and then be like, oh, my God.

In that respect, it would be pretty cool.

Why, though?

Isn't that the natural step now?

I mean, that's the stuff that healthy couples do.

Do they?

You do that?

No.

this is the

assuming.

But that's as close to

our little family.

Warm and fuzzy that I've really heard from him in a while, though.

But why?

It has nothing to do with them.

They're dropping these things in the mail and then just going off and invading other people's homes without their input or knowledge.

But he's proud of this little family dynamic that he's got going now.

So much so I've refused to do the card.

You want to do the card?

I don't want to do the card.

No, it's not for me.

Yeah, it's just not me.

Like, I'm not going to get in pajamas.

Matching pajamas.

Like, I'm just not that.

I wish you wanted matching pajamas.

I said, if we did.

Reindeer antlers.

Yeah, like if I did it, I would want it to be something like really out there, like Die Hard 2 or something, you know, like

the Christmas theme movie, you know, or I'll dress up completely as the Grinch.

It's got to be pop culture with you all of a sudden.

You're like the fucking new pop culturist over there.

Yeah, man.

Watch your back, Rob Bruce.

I mean, I've never heard you be so fucking pop culture-like centered, though.

Yeah, you're real.

You're hip now.

Yeah, no, I'm lit.

I used to be hip.

Now I'm lit.

Like, you can't even go the traditional route on a Christmas card.

You got to bring pop culture into it.

Well, not necessarily pop culture, but just something different.

Not,

you know, you've seen that a million times.

Or like a purposely bad, like

the Christmas cover art where I had no shirt on.

Yeah.

She wouldn't have that, though.

She was like,

tell him, Steve Dave.

Oh, wait, before we go.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, Mosier, Scott Mosier, directed The Grinch, and that opens this week.

November 9th.

November 9th.

And I saw it, and if you like the old Grinch, you like this one.

Yeah.

It's good.

It's got a lot of Mosier stamps in it.

Really?

Yeah, I could tell which jokes he was.

He was able to get in some personality in there.

Everything with the Grinch and the dog, and they got a new character that's a reindeer is so weird.

You're like, this is fun.

I could watch this all day.

So, yeah, then you know, it's going to be huge.

Yeah, but yeah, so just let people know if you have any love for Scott Mosier or just want to take the kids to see something.

I saw it, it was good, and that guy's awesome.

So, just be aware it's coming out.

Definitely.

And I will be in Eugene, Oregon.

Woo-hoo!

Oregon's beautiful.

I mean, that is one of the most scenic places I've ever.

We drove through there, right?

All three of us did.

We went to...

Yes.

That was one of those.

When did we go through Oregon?

We were coming back.

When we came back, we went

up.

Oh, we went that far north?

Yeah.

Okay.

And it left a lasting impression on me.

Like, if you're out in Oregon, man, you live in one of the most beautiful places in the country.

Remember, that was the place where you saw that spider in our bathtub?

Oh, yeah.

It looks like a baseball mitt.

Oh, I forgot about that.

Yeah.

Yeah, I hear now, Oregon is full of like anti-fa type douchebags.

Oh, really?

What are you doing out at the con?

You got anything going on?

Signing and shit.

I'm sure we'll have a panel.

Who else is at the

who's some of the notable names going to be there?

You got Bruce Campbell.

Ooh, Evil Dead.

Oh, I love that guy.

Yeah, Bruce Campbell from Evil Dead.

That's great.

Briscoe County.

One Jason Muse will be there.

Clark Small Rats

in that Paris Hilton movie.

Simone Misick.

That's true.

What was that movie?

Sir!

I forgot what that was called.

Wasn't it like bottoms up or something?

Yes, I think that was it.

Was that it?

Yeah.

That was not his finest hour.

No, that was a good movie.

Simone Misick.

Who's that?

She's from Luke Cage.

Luke Cage got canceled, Q.

Did it, really?

Yeah.

Well, the rumor is

going to bring it back as Heroes for Hire is the rumor conflict.

Or a different platform.

I don't know.

I

didn't watch the second season.

No, you liked the first season.

I liked the first season, but it got a little repetitive.

And what I saw of the second season was more of the same.

And I was like, I'm good.

But I haven't watched Daredevil 3.

I didn't watch Jessica Jones 2.

It's just not enough time.

Yeah, there's only so much time

on TV.

The reason that I only have so much time is because I leave for a tour next week or tomorrow.

How long is this tour?

This is a little over two weeks.

We're in Allental, PA, Albany, New York, Rochester, New York, Pittsburgh, Toronto for the first time, Erie, Cincinnati, Bloomington, Fort Wayne, Mount Pleasant.

Look at all this shit.

So you're the simple time you've ever been north of the border?

Moline, yeah, performing.

Really?

St.

Louis, Baltimore,

Bridgeport.

Telp Steve Dave and the hockey thing.

That wasn't.

Oh, right, right.

Branson?

I meant as the IJ, though.

The IJ has never ventured out of the country, huh?

No, we did the UK.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah.

And I'm going to be on tour.

All right.

I'll be here.

You'll be here.

Yeah, when I get them.

You'll be here.

Yeah.

Gleefully welcoming people who come into the store.

Yeah.

So what's the schedule then?

So this is this week, and then I guess next week's going to be a skip.

We should, yeah, we probably, I'll just let everybody know with the holidays coming up.

We may be a little spotty on the regular TSD because we got 400 coming up.

We got something special planned for that that we need you back from the tour to do.

So

they could be patient with us.

But if you join the Patreon,

you're sure to not to miss any of your weekly TSD dose of TSD goodness.

It's really not that bad.

It's just next week because

the week after that, the Christmas one drops.

Yes.

And then we're back the week after that.

Cool.

It's really only one week.

Got anything special planned for Thanksgiving, Q?

Yeah, I just go to my parents, get that fucking apple.

That's it.

Nothing, no real big plans.

Nah.

That's it.

Probably go to Pem and Edgar's for part of the dinner until we get into an argument and I leave.

Also, check your mailbox for my Thanksgiving card.

You dress as a pilgrim and she dresses like a turkey.

That's great.

She's in my life,

off to a bad start.

I shot tonight, I fall apart.

No friends, no fun, and no hope.

When lying in the sun,

felt the steel, the ice in my veins.

Fungs puncturing my sides.

Profound,

thinking of drown.

When I'm warning that we're gone,

no time,

never run out of time.

For what I wanna do,

when I wanna do it,

leave me here, just take off and let me flee.

Fly out high above.

Don't look at the blood.

I was dropped,

left by the sun.

No self-mitting, no way home.

Oh, can't you see that I give up completely?

Felt myself fall out through my feet.

Didn't even try to hold on.

We talk about endurance,

and talk about strength you can't understand.

No

time,

never run out of time.

For what I wanted to,

when I wanted to, when

leave me here and just take off and let me bleed and fly high above

Don't look at that blood.

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