#392: King Dong
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Transcript
Plug up your ferret, bitch.
I'll be over in a minute.
I'm gonna have to slow down my finger banging.
Stay in your lane, literally and metaphorically.
Tell them, Steve, Dave.
Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.
It's Healthy Bry here with a couple of infirmed motherfuckers.
If you remember last week, I was being told that I'm always sick.
I have a picture of health today.
And Q, you've got a broken wing.
Yeah.
What is wrong with your arm?
I know you told us when you came in, but I couldn't understand what happened.
The exact word is called teneodlinitis or some shit like that.
It's basically like your tendons go through like these sheaths, these like round, you know, sheaths.
Like a sheet cake?
No, sheath.
Oh, sheath.
Knife sheath.
Okay.
And mine.
I like sheet cake.
Hungry hungry for sheet mine is uh inflamed and infected so they had to shoot it with some uh cortisone oh not cortisone but a steroid and uh
and i have to i have to write it right yeah so how do you think that happened
it's uh it's just wear and tear on the body overuse overuse i had a fire department injury there um apparently having pets only small pets is increases you getting it because when you're stroking them when you pick up a cat or a dog or something, like the way he described it is like if you had like a sack of sugar and you picked it up, you're just picking it up, it's not moving.
If you're picking up, say, cats fairly often, their weight is never stable, they're always like moving and stuff like that, and that jiggers your thumb.
And if you do that enough over time, really, yeah, see,
I think that sounds way lamer, uh, a way to get your like Giddam's excuse for getting his problem with his hands from fingering.
Yeah, the only problem is mine's real.
I like that.
I mean, I can come up with something if you want.
You should have said that you were you, you got it from finger banging to me.
Why?
Who am I trying to impress?
I just spoke about making models.
Nobody gives a shit what I do.
Yeah, and like when you were a kid and present day, I'll come back to it.
I find anything that'll make me feel not this way.
Yeah, please.
If the doctor had said to you, like, you're up on the heat, he's like, Brian, you got your test results back.
And no more models.
I'll have to check your ass again.
Doc, this is three times.
He was like,
we found out what's wrong and what causes it.
And he said that, like, have you been
diddling a little bit more than the usual?
Oh, like, let me clear up all this medical jargon
when I say that.
I might.
Would you be shocked?
Or would you be like, I cannot believe that's really.
I mean, yeah, I would be
pretty shocked that Gedham had nailed that one.
I'd be like, that's, I did not see that coming.
I'm going to have to slow down my finger banging.
I don't want to.
You can't go lefty that I would say you can always go lefty.
Oh, yeah, there might be something to that, but it doesn't have the same.
Could you.
And then I got two fucking hurt hands coming at her like lobster boys and shit.
That you could pull off the moves
with the same satisfaction level with the lefty.
Oh, I'm not at all confident that I pull it off with any satisfaction level now.
Both girls are like, I thought he was using his left-handed.
They're giving me a lot of credit for my right hand.
I think the same disinterested look.
Would it change the show in Practical Jokers if they're like, you got an infection?
It's pretty bad.
We're going to have to remove your arm from the elbow down.
No, it doesn't.
That'd be funny.
Like, think about how funny we can make it.
They didn't let that guy go to the other one.
Yeah.
Like, suddenly, like, you know, I got all sorts of arm pranks I can do.
Right.
Like taking your arm off and shit.
Yeah, I think it would.
I mean, I wouldn't mind losing my left instead of my right, but I think it'd be for this creatively for the show, it'd be cool.
Yeah, like how people, that's a fetish for some people, like that amputee.
Oh, come on.
Does this guy need any more fucking reasons for fucking chicks to be like surrounding him?
No, no, no, no, like now.
Yeah, well, do you lose any of the normies to the fetish chicks who are like, oh, they want that stump, they need that stump.
Started stump?
Yeah.
Well, no, no, no.
Oh,
yeah.
Oh, the one that the remaining stump.
Oh, yeah, let Let me can I get some of that medical waste over here.
I mean, short of like
Harvey Dent disfigurement, I don't think
like he could lose, he could be all stumps and they'd still be one
all over his remaining pairs and everything.
He could be like Johnny Got his gun just laying there.
Like, he's still hotter than, still hotter than the other two.
Just a straw in my mouth or go to an ice tea glass.
I could still podcast.
I mean, it'd be fun.
Yeah.
And Walt Flanagan, I apologize if he sounds loopy.
I understand he took a generic aspirin today.
A CVS brand Advent.
Before we recorded, yeah, I took
my first aspirin in over a year, probably almost probably two years.
I've got a wicked...
Wicked pain in my shoulder blade, like a cold in my shoulder blade.
I can't turn my neck.
I can't.
I didn't know that was a real thing.
Yeah.
A cold in your muscle.
Yeah.
It's like a kink in my shoulder blade.
And it is an iron.
Right now it's feeling pretty good from that fucking
illicit drug I took from CBS.
Yeah, Mike gave him a pill
out of an unmarked bottle.
No, it was marked.
It's a CVS on it or what's the other place, Drug Fair.
I don't know.
It was a jellyfish.
Air greens.
Yeah, I'm feeling better now.
I figured if I'd suck it up for the podcast and
you're going to soldier soldier through.
Yeah, for the take the aspirin and carry on.
That's something else, man.
Went to a con this weekend in Syracuse.
I just, I want to apologize to my manager, remember I shit on her a week or so ago.
She was so attentive in this con that she really won my heart back.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
The way I walked in and it was
It was looked like it was in an airplane hanger.
Now, this is a really nice guy, the dude who set up the con, and he was sort of forced into this space, but it was imagine throwing a con and then having 10 times the space you need for that con, and it's open, and all the doors are open, so it's fucking freezing in there because it's in Syracuse in New York, and it's basically a table sitting in the middle of a room with no signage at all, so no one even knows you're there.
I was like,
What is this?
The woman doesn't give a fuck at all.
How did she know the setup?
How would she have known?
She should ask.
She should ask, what's the setup?
There is an airplane hanger.
Well, no,
it's not a venue.
Well, they would ask, what venue is it in?
You can ask that.
And would you have not gone then?
I would have been like, what's that?
I would have a guarantee, though.
I mean, you would have win.
We had a guarantee.
No, I'm just saying that for her, she should make it so that we should at least have a sign.
Or we should, we also
should have had a volunteer.
I thought Ming brings his own banner.
Ming didn't go, though.
Ming was in Mississippi.
Well, Mike doesn't have his own banner?
He has a banner, but even if we had it, there was no wall to hang it on.
We were literally sitting in the middle of a room.
This is a flea market.
These are a comic-themed flea market.
It seems like a comic-themed flea market.
I wasn't going to go to this con.
Instead, you.
Yeah, I didn't go, but
did I make the right thing?
What did you go see?
Oh, I went to a theater.
Did you see King Kong?
I did.
How was it?
Remember how I raved about Spider-Man Turn Off the Dark?
Yeah.
It eclipsed Spider-Man Turn Off the Dark.
Ah, Mario Sorta.
He said it was excellent.
It was.
Well, hold on.
Any more
Kong stories before we get to Kong stories?
Yeah, the Kong stories are going to be better.
It actually was.
It got...
It was pretty boring.
There were not that many people here.
The people that came to the table.
Not a big turnout.
All ants
who came in.
Yeah.
And
so it got boring.
There were not that many people there.
And this guy came in.
It was only one day, though.
Yeah, but still.
It doesn't mean it's not boring just because it's only one day.
I mean, three days would have been like, I don't know if I would have stayed.
I would have been like, fuck this.
No way.
It just
left that money on the table.
I think so.
There was just nothing to do.
And we didn't get a panel.
So, like, that's the one part I look forward to:
is the panel.
But there was a guy sitting nearby, and he came over and introduced himself.
He, uh, because uh, Sage came and Mary Beth came, and Sage dressed as ladybug, and Mary Beth dressed as Cat Noir.
Um,
it's a TV show, like a cartoon, like a 3D sort of animation show on Netflix
that Sage likes.
And he came over, he's an older guy.
Had one of those Spider-Man, like
Hawaiian shirts on.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And the cowboy hunt and stuff.
He was an older dude.
And he said,
he was like, hey, he's like, are you Black Cat?
And she said, no.
And he's like, oh, because I have done pin-ups of Black Cat.
I guess he's an artist.
His name is, maybe you recognize it, Charles Barnett III.
No.
Not at all.
Not at all.
It doesn't chalk my anything right now.
It doesn't mean that he's, you know, doesn't mean anything, but that particular name I don't recognize.
So we were like, cool.
And then he walked back to his
table.
What error are we talking about?
I don't know.
I mean, I can look him up to see if he's online.
I'm sure he is somewhere.
But so he walks away.
But that did get my attention because since I'm bored, you know, I'm like, all right, well, let's fuck with Charles Barnett III.
Let's see.
Inker extraordinaire.
Okay, so he's an inker.
Black cat, huh?
Yeah, he's this guy.
Wow.
Uh-huh.
He's...
Let me see.
Hopefully, this will come up.
That's exactly what he looks like.
In fact, that picture could have been taken at the con.
Let's see.
That's him.
Come on.
Look at this Facebook shot.
I was waiting for the iPad frustration to start.
So, yeah, that's him.
He's not that old.
No, no, I said he's an older guy.
No, he's not like in his 20s.
She's a black cat.
He's a big character from from the 40s.
I thought possibly he was a 90-year-old.
Oh.
No.
There's a lot of pictures of him, not too many pictures of his stuff.
He's got a lot of mileage out of that straw hat.
He loves the straw hat.
But a couple 13 percenters came over, and
I said, have you been over to Charles Barnett III's table?
And she's like, no, why?
I said, because keep it cool.
Like, don't say anything, but he buys women's urine samples.
I was like, he's buying them right now.
She's like, what?
She's like, she knew I was fucking around.
But then, for whatever reason,
this phone.
It's a new phone.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
For whatever reason.
I guess the old phone just crapped out on us.
Oh, wow, it talks.
That's the first call that came in today.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, the show got canceled.
It's fucking like
they don't know, yes.
Yeah, the phone will ring no more.
You got to figure out a scheme to get this back on the public eye of this place.
Yeah.
That happened to Shane Black, man.
Shane Black was all the rage in the 90s, and then people stopped giving a fuck about him.
He's back now, though.
Now he's back.
Oh, so anyway, so for some reason, she goes over and tells him what I said, the 13%er, who I said it to.
She goes over, and I can see like she goes over and I was like, holy shit, I think she's telling him,
which wasn't the intended.
It wasn't intended.
You just want to be able to
mock him with it.
Behind his back, yeah.
Need him knowing.
You know, he's basically a prop.
So I see his face totally change.
Not like from like, it doesn't laugh, it drops.
It's like, what?
Shock.
Total shock.
Repulse.
And then he backs up a little, and then he like he looks over at us.
And I'm watching.
And then he looks back at them, and then he looks back at me and Mike, and he points, and she's like, nodding her head yes.
Wouldn't it be better?
Wouldn't it be awesome if like he let a jar and gave her 50 bucks?
He should have, yeah.
That would have been awesome.
Charles Barnett III totally dropped the ball.
Yeah, he should have.
He should have been like, yeah, you're 50 bucks.
He should have joined in my reindeer games.
So he never confronted me, though.
But I did pass him at another point and like at some point in the day.
And he gave me the most,
the chilliest nod.
The chilliest nod ever.
Yeah, I'm sure he wasn't.
He's like, who?
I I don't know.
Who's that?
He doesn't have a sign.
I don't know.
He's a guy sitting in the middle of a room at a table.
But that's the rest of the day just became the tales of Charles Barnett III.
And we did a podcast with these guys, Geekpod,
and
we talked a lot about Charles Barnett III.
And
at the end, the guy was like, I was like, yeah, I hope you liked it.
And he's like, we didn't even know if you were guys were going to do 10 minutes.
And that was an hour of
talking to Charles Brynner III.
And
Comic-Con speed dating,
which was a sad, sad affair.
It was three guys sitting in this room with, you know, there were two chairs facing each other, but probably a row of 10 or 12.
You've done that for IJ, right?
Bits on speed dating?
Yeah, the turkey lighting.
The second thing we ever shot for the show was speed dating.
Oh, yeah.
it were it was three guys
and no girls.
One girl peeked in because I was watching.
One girl peeked in and then it was like, nah, nope.
And turned around and walked out.
And I was like, I couldn't tell if I should, like, I couldn't tell if I should feel bad for them.
The guys.
Because how
lonely?
and desperate do you have to be it's not New York Comic-Con it's not san diego it's this little syracuse con where hardly anybody went, and it's in an airplane hangar, and it's a separate room, and it's three guys.
It starts at 3:30, then it's 3:35, then it's 3:40, then it's 3.45, and no girls have come in, except for one who's like,
Oh, I was looking for the bathroom or whatever excuse you used to get the fuck out of there.
Like, that's a lonely existence, right?
Yeah, man.
I was laughing so hard.
No, no, no, I'm just kidding.
But I was like, wow, I don't, I couldn't be that lonely.
I couldn't.
There's, I don't think.
What do you mean you you couldn't?
Well, what would you do?
What would you do to change it, though?
I would just be like,
if I'm that lonely, it still doesn't propel me to like, maybe I'll try speed dating here.
Oh, you know?
It's just not something I would do.
I don't think I would go online to date
a dating app.
I don't think I could do it.
I think you could.
I just couldn't take the swiping thing.
Yeah.
I couldn't take it.
I swipe somebody and they don't swipe me back.
The only one that sounds good is uh, that bumble one where guys can't reach out to women, like it's literally women can only reach out to guys, so you only hear from girls if they see your shit, and it's like, oh, that looks interesting, and they reach out to you.
So, the only way you know you're being rejected is if nobody, is if nobody contacts you, yeah, yeah, or if the contacts you get are so unsightly, you're like, God has rejected me, yeah,
a misbegotten thing that i am
yeah how is kong though yeah i heard i've only heard good things so far i heard the monkey's impressive
i mean if if there was a a better word for impressive i'd use it uh but i can't think of it right now but
do you remember a couple months ago i called you um for directions to get into new york city
out of the blue i just called you i said i was taking my daughter up yeah i do kind of
walking how to get to big city i can see it.
Yeah.
How do I need to get there?
Hey, well.
Well, that was because I was so frustrated with my GPS that, like, I would, I put...
Fuck you, Tom, Tom.
I put addresses into my GPS.
Yeah.
And, like, I get three matches.
And I don't know which one to pick.
You're using the car one?
You don't use your phone one?
I don't use the phone one.
And isn't your daughter just to use waves?
Well, she's got her earbuds in.
She's in the back.
I know how that happens.
All the way up to Canada.
And she's like, she's like zoned out.
She doesn't know.
So I say to my wife, I was like, are you going to put the address in?
Even though I know it's kind of right out of Lincoln Tunnel, like Broadway, right?
Yeah.
I think she drops out on 36th?
So it's real close, right?
42nd Street is, yeah.
And so I say, just put it in, put the address of the theater in, and just in case we need it.
So she puts it in, and I see out of of corner my eye it says it says two addresses though it says new york she puts the theater address in yeah broadway i think this theater was 106 or something and
she puts it in there's two matches and she hits the top one and we figured well the top one's got to be the most popular match
um so we put it in and we're driving up
and it says to get off um and take the holland tunnel okay what to leave out of the holland tunnel it says to no to while we're driving up as we're driving up the turnpike it says take the holland tunnel which is all the way downtown by canal.
Yeah, you're a New Yorker, NATO.
I don't even know what that means.
Basically, 30 blocks away as opposed to four blocks away.
But they could be rerouting it because there's traffic.
Right, so that's what I told my wife, and she's like, wow, it's telling you to get off the Holland Tunnel to get on the Holland Tunnel, go through the tunnel, Holland.
And I'm like, I must know what it's talking about.
I said, I mean, it's probably a quicker way.
I said.
So we're driving, and it's taking us all these ways.
We're going through places that I've never seen in New York, just driving and driving and driving.
It says, okay, you will arrive at your destination and like on the on Manhattan Island.
We were in my my daughter told me that she from where she was doing her on her phone that we were in the in the Bronx wood Bronx that means you went through through Manhattan then through a tunnel into
a bridge I mean and there's like and there's like construction even on a Saturday and there's like every lane I'm in It gets closed or somebody why do people in the city just why do they just park on the side of the road that they like?
Oh, like it's nothing.
Yeah.
Like it's nothing.
Because they got no other choice.
What are they going to do?
Why is it allowed, though?
Why aren't costs?
They get tickets.
They get tickets.
They can more than ticket those people who do that.
They need to put them in jail for a night or something.
They won't do it no more then.
Yeah.
Right?
I mean, just a night.
It's just a night in jail in the clink, I think, would really stop the people from double parking and causing the massive clogs of because sometimes it's just for most times, it's just for their convenience.
Yes.
They're just like it's just convenient.
Yeah, they're putting suitcases or they're taking a stroller out of the back and I'm up and I got cars whipping by me and I can't do anything but just have to sit there and wait for their stroller or get daring and start lane changing in the city, which I'm not going to do.
The balls.
Man, evil.
That is all impressed shit.
No, she's like, do not change a lane.
She's like, she's terrible.
Lane changing isn't for you.
Stay in your lane, literally and metaphorically.
So we find out that we're in the Bronx,
and I say, oh, we must have picked the wrong.
Which is also odd because if you went through the Holland Tunnel, the Bronx is also way up north.
Yeah, we were driving forever before finally they said that we had hit, we were on a Broadway.
Yeah.
We were definitely on a Broadway.
So there's two Broadways in New York.
Well,
there's West Broadway and Little Broadway.
Those just two I know of.
Oops.
But apparently there's a Broadway that's six miles from the Broadway I want to be on.
on.
In a neighborhood that I do not want to be in.
Yeah.
So that, or I have to bat, was like, that was really annoying that I had to like then maneuver back over and like
you just to go like a block is towards I don't know how you do it, Q I don't know how
you could live in that environment.
You just learn to drive
that style so you can get where you're going.
But knowing that you're like, okay, I really only have to what if there was no lights or traffic, I would literally would take me five minutes, but it takes me an hour now.
I know, but to do that, you would not be living in New York City, you know what I mean?
Which I kind of love.
So,
all right, so
So, King Kong, we finally get to the theater,
and
it's decorated the outside of the theater.
It's definitely they're going, they're doing the 1930s King Kong.
Oh, great.
They're doing the
is it set in the 30s?
Yes, okay, it's definitely well, you know, they don't really uh from all the uh wardrobe
and the um the backdrops, it's definitely set um in in the thirties, although they never really say uh give a firm date of where where we're at, but it's definitely in the thirties though, from what I could piece together.
Now, do you consider King Kong
one of the greatest uh like the top ten
story or movie or uh like, you know, just one of the American classics?
Yeah, um, I don't know what number I'd give it, but but I'd say it's up there sure it's King Kong like are you pressuring him kind of pressuring him into saying yes
no I mean I was obsessed with it when I was a kid surely you won't deny
you were obsessed with it I was obsessed with King Kong when I was a kid yeah because of the black and white one or the 76 one the uh well the 76 came later because that was when he climbed the twin towers and I always thought that was weird but it was the origin the black and white original one
yeah I watched a lot I loved it like Thanksgiving Thanksgiving yeah I loved it and then the 76 version with the Twin Towers, that was a little, that was, even though the movie's not good.
I still love that movie.
Really?
I haven't seen it in over 10 years.
So
should I go back?
You should watch that movie.
Isn't it boring as hell?
I thought
I'm feeling so bad for King Kong at the end in the street.
Like, it's so terrible.
You know, I mean, that's what they did in the 30s one: is that
he was a real monster in the 30s one.
I mean, he's eating people.
He's ripping people apart.
Yeah.
There's no love for Fay Ray and King Kong.
Oh, my fucking God.
Where is the fucking receiver?
It's going to get smashed again.
But in this King Kong and every subsequent King Kong,
they've kind of played up the Fay Ray
female angle.
Did you like Peter Jackson's?
Once King Kong was introduced, yes, but that was torturous before Kong was introduced.
That was like...
That felt like a trolling.
That felt like an absolute trolling.
How much
panning can I fucking put into this movie?
Before people are like, what the fuck is this?
Where's this fucking monkey?
Did you see Venom?
I didn't see Venom.
I saw Venom Dude, and I had the same thing.
I was like, I was like, the movie is called Venom, right?
I was like, because we're about 40 minutes in and this fucking thing hasn't showed up yet.
It was all Tom Hardy's relationship and
breaking up with his girl and shit.
I was like, what the fuck am I watching?
So, well, overall, what would you give, was it a good movie or no?
It was not, no.
It wasn't a good movie.
It's an interesting movie because
the tone of it is so fucking weird, dude.
It's at times like a madcap Benny Hill type comedy, like real over-the-top cartoonish antics in the name of comedy.
And then...
And then when Venom and Eddie start speaking to each other, it's almost exclusively played for laughs.
How did you expect it?
I didn't expect.
I was like, what is going on?
Venom looked great.
Anything with him fighting and eating people was cool.
He made a ton of money, I heard.
Fuck yeah.
But it was so bizarre to see the relationship between Venom and him be what it was, and for Tom Hardy to have played it so goofy
was not what I expected.
I just can't get motivated to go see it, although I've heard people say, like, it's interesting enough to go watch.
I would say, that's what I'm saying.
It's an interesting movie.
I would watch it at one point if I were you.
All right, anyway, sorry.
Oh, yeah, but like,
ever since the Fay Ray, the Fay Ray part, they've played the female as
having feelings for Kong.
Almost every movie since then hasn't taken the, like, where Fay Ray was terrified and didn't want no part of Kong.
That character now has morphed into, like, where she kind of shares her problem with Kong.
And this one was the same kind of deal where she felt the
Fay Ray character felt a bond with Kong.
But when that Kong comes on, and it was about almost 25 minutes before you see Kong, but when you see him
and when he roars and you can feel it in your chest, that's unlike anything you'll see.
Because you can feel the rumble in your chest, and you can feel it in your legs because it's so loud, all the speakers and everything.
And they have this effect where
Kong runs.
So it's it's like these guys
who are manipulating his digits,
his legs and his arms.
And the background
goes to light speed, like in the Millennium Fall.
So the trees and everything are going, are rushing, but he's not really moving.
But when you're looking at it, it gives the illusion like he's running.
Sure, yeah.
It's so well done.
I mean,
you do have to suspend the
imagination comes into play here, but there's a sequence where he fights a serpent, like a giant serpent.
Oh, yeah.
It's awesome.
So cool.
I gotta see it, man.
Same as a movie?
Was he like term?
He does, yes.
But what they do is, you know, like a dressing
where women, like in the 30s, would get dressed behind a screen.
Oh, that screen thing, yeah.
You could see the silhouette.
Yeah.
So
at a certain point, he brings the Kong and the serpent fall behind the screen.
And you just see a silhouette of Kong, which I guess is animated.
It's not really the puppet doing it anymore.
And he grabs the serpent and he rips it and the screen splattered on it.
Oh, wow.
That's cool.
Like,
they needed two more fight scenes between big monsters and maybe some, like, maybe about 10 less songs.
Yeah.
And it would have been a 10.
Like, right now is a 9.
Okay.
Like,
just like
that's what made me.
What night did you go?
I went Saturday afternoon, and the first night was Friday.
That's when Murray went.
Murray went Friday, yeah.
What?
He's in the Kong too?
Yeah, yeah.
We were talking about it before it opened.
We were like, oh, wow, it looks good.
Yeah, I would definitely recommend it to you, to anybody listening to it.
I'll go see it.
I don't know how long it's going to last.
I mean, there's a lot of snobs in theater, I think.
I know that fucking Groundhog Day musical should have been one of the biggest hits ever.
It was so fucking good.
People won't see it.
They won't give it away because they'll treat it as a novelty because, like, it's King Kong.
You know why they hate it, though?
Because
producers won't take risks anymore, really.
They will do King Kong.
They will do Mean Girls.
They will do all these things.
You don't think King Kong's a risk?
I think it's less of a risk than just a fucking play about you don't know what, you don't know who.
Yeah, but I mean, you're talking about like it could be really, really goofy if it's not done right, though, right?
Well, sure.
But name recognition is what they care about.
Yeah.
More than anything.
Yeah.
Yeah, but I would definitely, definitely, I don't know, like I said,
I'm not a theater expert, but I could see people getting down on it and might not have a long life.
So I would see it close.
I will.
I'll see you in the next few weeks.
Beetlejuice is coming to Broadway next summer.
Next spring.
Yeah, I'm excited about that.
I love that shit.
I can't remember the last time.
Oh, no, I can remember the last time.
Me and you.
Yeah.
I wanted to go see Larry David.
The Larry David won.
Yeah.
That guy took a couple of years.
No.
How could that close?
He didn't want to do it anymore.
Oh, he just wanted to do it for a little while.
And then
Jason Alexandra took it over from him, and then it closed.
But yeah, that was really funny.
I got to see the Harry Potter one
in December.
Oh, it's already.
It's got to be like high-end.
It's two parts.
You have to go either over two nights
or basically see two Broadway shows in one day.
But people are saying, like, what you can't believe what they pull off in terms of the magic and shit like that.
People are like, it is unbelievable.
That's cool.
I got to say that, right?
Yeah, I read all the books.
So the movies and everything.
It's good stuff.
But
what did you think of Skull Island?
I didn't think it was as good as Godzilla.
I feel the opposite.
That's interesting.
I felt it was something was missing for it for me.
I didn't like the
I really, really didn't like the humans in it, other than the dude who was stuck into like from the World War II.
Yeah, he was awesome.
You don't like Samuel Jackson staring down King Kong over a wall of fire?
I was like, that is why Samuel Jackson's in this movie for that one moment, so he could stare down King Kong.
I just found it was long, too.
I just found it silly that, like, there's these, this, there's this
contingent of the
humans who are like, we got to save Kong, we got to save a 40-foot gigantic monster from the army.
You know, it just felt like that's
that didn't play well for me.
But
fuck Star Wars.
Like any Star Wars movie coming out now, I would, if I only had my choice to see the King Kong versus Godzilla movie Star Wars, I would pick King Kong.
Yeah, I'm just, especially with The Last Jedi, I'm almost with you.
Even Marvel movies.
I would defer.
I would say, okay, I can only choose one
franchise.
Yeah.
I would say King Kong Movies for Life and Godzilla, the new King Kong Godzilla franchise over the Marvel movies.
Even though I love the Marvel movies,
I'm a monster guy first.
That trailer's awesome.
Remember when
we were shooting the show, I guess it might have been season, I can't remember what season it was, three maybe?
There was a guy who came in, Monster Bill.
Monster Bill.
Oh, I remember you talking about him.
And he was, he was, I think it was a
sanitation guy, yeah.
Sanitation guy.
And but was a collector and shit.
That's how he got into collecting.
Find the stuff in the garbage.
Yeah, like finding Hughes models that make
mine, no, not mine.
My models that made its way to the sidewalk.
The showrunner, Brian Nichelle, becoming so irritated because we wouldn't stop saying Monster Bill over and over again.
Like every time we talked about it, I'd be like, Monster Bill, this, Monster Bill, that.
And he's like, you know, I'm tired of this Monster Bill shit.
I tried to paint.
I remember getting these things.
It was Wolfman, Frankenstein, and Dracula.
And you had to make these little plaster casts of them.
You used to have a mirror.
You had a mirror a long time ago.
And then you would paint them
afterwards.
And I remember like doing the plaster cast.
That part worked out.
And then I set him up and I'm going to paint them.
Immediately, Frankenstein fell off and his nose broke.
Nose broke right off.
And then I don't remember why, but I made his jacket red and his hair brown.
And I didn't even get to the face.
I was like, fuck it.
And I throw all three of them away.
I kind of want to do this.
They skipped the closet.
They went right to the curve.
No, I think, I think, yeah, I'm colorblind.
Well, they're black away movies.
Did you think he's so odd?
I imagine he must have
brown hair and a red jacket.
I mean, yeah, I'm like, he probably has like a cool smoking jacket like you have.
Ah, Frankenstein wears this a red satin jacket, right?
I was like, sure.
Why not?
I should have assumed, yeah, it was dark.
I have no recollection as to why I made it red.
And I should have assumed, yeah, it was probably at least dusty brown.
But yeah,
totally losing.
Speaking of monsters on the franchises, though,
Halloween?
This Friday?
Yeah, you can talk about that, but
I guess the
monster universe that was going to be
dead, huh?
The Tom Cruise one?
The mummy was not.
I didn't like that movie.
It was not.
Oh, I thought they killed that a while ago.
No.
Dark Universe, yeah.
That saddens me, though, because that could have
another chance in my lifetime.
It's all those Tom haters out there that ruined that.
Universal Monsters may not get another chance at a franchise.
Yeah.
They may not.
Did you see the mummy?
Yeah.
Any good or not?
It was really bad.
It was really bad.
Really, just not a good.
They need Brendan Frazier back.
I'll take it.
That first mummy movie is pretty good.
What were you going to say?
Oh, the movie Apostle that just came out on Netflix Friday.
It's a horror movie about a guy.
You guys would love it.
I watched it.
It's fucking a guy's sister is
kidnapped by this religious cult in the 1900s in England, I think, Wales.
And this guy, he's an opium addict, and he goes on the cover in the cult to try and get his sister back.
But it is some fucked up shit goes down, and it is the goriest movie I have seen.
Like,
I mean,
decades since like hostile, like, was like pumping him out.
Like, crazy gore, crazy.
It gets really weird and dark and supernatural.
And the whole time I'm watching it, I'm like, you two guys would fucking love this movie.
Gore.
Yeah, well, then you would not like this.
But there are cool monsters and shit in it.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, so it's not.
I thought, oh, it's not just about.
Yeah,
what they worship is interesting.
And you see things, and it's pretty cool.
As I was watching it, I was like, this is fucking the boys would love this.
But yeah, if you're not into the gore, it's not a lot of fun.
There's a lot into gore, like the gore porn.
Oh, the torture porn stuff.
It never appealed to me.
By the time it came out, I think we were aged out of that sort of thing.
Like, Torture Porn was the slasher for us, like, of the 80s, you know, like Ride 13, Halloween, all that shit.
So by the time Torture Porn came out, you were like, I've seen it and I'm past it.
And they say older people don't like it too because when you're younger, you don't have a real sense of mortality.
But when you get older, somewhere deep down, you're like, somebody could fucking chop me with a machete.
Like, these people are dying right and left.
My problem with those movies is I just
didn't want to see kids get tortured for no reason.
I was like, why?
Because
young
hitchhikers.
Yeah, whatever they were in the movie.
I just was like, there's a girl and like she's on vacation with her friends, and now I'm going to sit here for an hour and watch some guy pay $100,000 to cut her tits off.
I'm like, I don't want to see this hostile.
It's a costal, yeah.
They do that kind of shit.
Yeah, like Heather, what's her name?
Heather Matarazzo, and the second movie.
They made a lot of money in that movie, right?
They made like three of them.
It's like hanging upside down and
like nude.
It's really, really strange.
It's very bizarre.
I mean, even Saw, I'll watch because at least it's completely absurd and the contraptions are what it's all about.
And those people, you know, they're not necessarily good people.
And you know, Jigsaw's always like, you ran a red light and, you know, hit a dog and whatever shit he says.
Oh, so they give you, they give you, kind of give the viewer a reason to into, yeah.
Like.
It's not good.
Like what's happening to why this person is being mutilated.
Yeah, it doesn't, it's not logical.
It doesn't, it's stupid, but but at least to give me something besides the girls on a gap year
vacation, yeah, they're like, yeah, what did she do?
It's like, well, she saved up and went on a dream vacation.
Oh, fuck her.
Yeah, right.
Yeah, it is really, it's, it's really, really strange because they definitely build it up to like, you know, what's going to happen.
It's going to be like a bunch of friends are going to get tortured to death, and one girl is going to somehow make it out or kill the guy or whatever.
And did it hostile 2 spoiler?
Didn't it start with a person who made it through?
Like, one whether
it through the whole first movie immediately gets killed.
Yeah,
like right out of the gate gets killed.
Yeah, do you have
any
excitement for the Halloween that comes out?
That's your guy, right?
Or is that no?
Jason's my guy.
Jason's my guy.
Yeah, I don't have a lot of hope for it, but I like, I know they're not going to make the mistakes the last ones, which is that like trick-or-treat motherfucker shit that was so goofy and over the top.
No, that was
H2O or something like that, where Buster Rhymes was in it.
And he kicks through a burning brewer and he goes, trick-a-treat, motherfucker.
No, I've heard what they're...
I was like, well, all right.
Now, as a purist, as a person who grew up on E-Piece, and this is your
genre.
This is like Halloween is yours.
That's your era.
Sure.
Your generation owns that.
We're more like Jason.
I think we're Jason.
The first one came out in 78.
He was fucking two years old.
He owned it.
I mean, the sequels certainly.
But he grew up as a teenager when those were like at the height of like these are theatrical first-run like major releases, those movies.
I guess they still are.
But now, do you, as a purist,
because I've heard that they're erase it all.
They're erasing it all except the first one.
Everything after it now didn't happen.
Yeah, I kind of wish they'd kept the second one.
Like, I don't mind that they were brother and sister.
And I like that John Carpenter had a hand in the second one.
He directed some of it and stuff so but I don't care you don't care it doesn't bother you that like that thing no like but we're used to like different timelines and you know what I mean because comics it's so easy to what ifs and you know but I mean it's like that's a that's like discounting or making like just throwing away or saying it's not what you saw didn't matter it wasn't worth it well it was that's how I'm gonna feel on my deathbed
but those movies are all shitty like the Hollywood movies are all you didn't like the Rob Zombie one oh the Rob Zombie ones I wasn't really because it wasn't,
I mean, they weren't as bad as the Trick-A-Treat motherfucker ones in terms of like corniness, but I was just like, all right, okay.
The big problem with the Rob Zombie one was that he gave a reason as to why he was that way.
Whereas in the first one, it's like he's just evil incarnate.
And Rob Zombie's like, hey, I'm going to take the serial killer approach.
He's abused as a child.
He has a white trash upbringing.
He's killing dogs.
I don't know.
That kind of shit.
I didn't like that he gave him a reason.
It just didn't feel like Michael Myers, but Loomis was also.
awesome.
Oh, Malcolm McDowell.
Yeah, I thought he was a good Loomis.
He was good.
And I did like when
Michael Myers killed Danny Trejo's character, who was like, Danny Trejo was really nice to him all the time.
Yeah, he was like, Michael, Michael, Michael, stop, stop.
Yeah.
And he was the janitor.
Yeah, for years and years, like the janitor was really nice to him.
And then when Michael goes to escape, he just fucking kills him like it's nothing.
Yeah.
And he didn't have to.
Didn't have to.
He could have just walked right by.
Yeah.
Do you like how awesome would it be if there was like if the makers of the new Halloween movie were like every Halloween movie after the first one doesn't exist doesn't exist except Halloween 3.
They'll ever bring a silver chamber back
could they could they combine the two worlds
no one's tried to do that yet have they probably because Michael Myers wasn't in it at all
he was on TV was on TV in it oh was he yeah they combine the two somehow they were able to marry Season of the Witch with the Halloween with the Michael Michael Myers aspect.
I'd be down?
I think that would be
the only thing left to do.
Well, wait, what?
Is someone asking, why are we doing this?
Like,
where do they
come together?
Like, well, somehow,
with clever writing, they're able to make the silver shamrock part of that Halloween 3, all that stuff that was in Halloween 3,
be in canon and in the Michael Myers continuity as well.
I think that would work.
Because since then, you have all these tablets and phones.
Now it's going out everywhere, that commercial.
It's a viral video or something.
It's going to be social media.
But how do you bring it like those people who were putting it into motion?
I guess we never knew why they were doing it.
They were robots and they were like gods or something.
Yeah, it was all fuzzy.
It was like there was like Stonehenge was a big part of it.
It was like a sacrifice, right?
But like, could you
marry and then have Michael Myers come on the scene too, and he kills all the robots and he goes and somehow it's like monster versus monster.
I would watch that shit
then they make it into a play.
I go see that too.
Yeah, but the whole thing of like Laurie Strode coming back, I'm just like, but she's been back twice already.
This same exact storyline is played out.
I'm waiting for Michael.
He's coming for me.
I know he's coming for me.
I'm prepared.
I'm going to came back.
20 years ago, though.
Over a decade ago.
15 years ago.
So they
theorize probably just like in comic books, like that audience is long gone.
This new audience doesn't remember or wasn't around.
It wasn't even born.
Accused Generation owns it.
Accused Generation.
You know how people take ownership of Star Wars?
Oh, yeah.
Well, I thought maybe that you would take ownership of the 80s Slasher movies.
Well, more Jason.
I was obsessed with it.
I'll take ownership of that.
That's mine.
Okay.
What do we take ownership of?
What's ours?
Me personally?
I mean, I don't know.
I can't speak to you.
Well, you're a Godzilla big monster kind of thing.
Kaiju, big monsters.
I'll take ownership of those.
And Planet of the Apes.
I mean, I don't know what's on horror, but you.
I'll take it.
I feel like you guys really have that.
That's mine.
Okay.
You got it.
What are you going to take ownership of?
I mean, I know you let's scare Jessica to death.
You can have it.
I don't want to.
Yeah, don't be afraid of the dark.
I'll take a number of obscure 70s
gothic horror movies.
Yeah, I would take that.
You can have it.
I don't know.
I'll take Bad Ronald.
I'll take Tony Millard.
Yeah.
I'll take them all.
I actually love those kind of movies.
That's the shit that I...
Because no one's going to argue about it, though.
Like, you could have it, and
you're not going to have heated debates about it.
It could be like, I don't know what you're talking about.
Willard.
He was a rat.
I never saw it.
I never saw it.
It's yours.
You see the one with Crispin Glover?
Who's that?
Oh, there was a remake?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, I didn't even know that.
Yeah, it was not great.
Not great.
Didn't go right and wait to the video?
No, I saw it theatrically.
Really?
But it was, yeah, it was not that.
It was not that.
No, Willard.
No, Willard.
Yeah, the Don't Be Afraid of the Dark with was not good either.
Yeah, I remember you were disappointed in that.
You never even saw the remake.
No, it was pretty terrible.
I went to the theater to see that, too.
I'll go to see Halloween.
Yeah.
I'll go check it out.
But yeah, like you, I don't have like you're going with low expectations.
And Lori Strode is like, it's just weird.
She's so matronly, like grandma.
So like they have to erase anything to like try to like make sexier up.
No, I think they went the Linda Hamilton route where she's like doesn't give a fuck what she looks like.
She's all about prep you know know, kicking ass.
Linda Hamilton, though, she looked great, though, in detail.
There were no rumors that she wasn't a woman.
Yeah, but she wasn't glamorous.
Jamie Lee Curtis?
Oh, yeah.
Do her whole life.
Heraphrodite, people kept saying for a long time.
I don't know why or what started it.
She's been naked in movies, hasn't she?
She showed her boobs in trading places.
Boobies.
Yes.
Like Sleep Away Camp.
She was in that?
No.
But that's what they did.
That's the rumor I've always heard about her.
Sleepaway camp, because we do cons and some of them are horror cons.
We see Tiffany Sheppis all the time, and she's a lot of times Alicia Rose
is there, too, and she's the sleepaway camp girl.
Is she in the hermaphrodite?
She's...
Wow, could you imagine?
She's great.
She's in
Victor Crowley movie.
Yeah, she's really nice.
Yeah, she's so nice.
Okay, so she's been the other thing.
I thought she was just...
Banking, like she was still just going off being a hermaphrodite in one movie.
No, she's been in a ton of stuff, like a ton of people.
How old was she when she made that hermaphrodite movie?
She was like 16, 17 years old, something like that.
That was a CVI shot.
No, it was like a Merkin, right?
It was like, yeah, it was some kind of person.
Well, the face was like
either YouTube.
She's in my phone.
I can text her right now and ask her.
No, it was Felicia Rose.
It wasn't Tiffany that was the.
Oh, you know, her too.
She was in that thing.
Yeah, we could.
She was in Hatchett as well.
They're both in Hatchet.
What part of you?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's right.
Holy shit.
I totally forgot that.
Do you think there's been a, since Sleep Camp, they've kind of shied away from the hermaphrodite in the horror movies?
Well, I don't think she was a hermaphrodite in the movie.
I think she was just a guy.
Yeah, she was just a guy.
Oh, she was just a guy.
No, the rumor was that Jamie Lee Curtis is a hermaphrodite for real.
That was like one of those urban legends.
That
reveal was that she had
a den.
It looked like a teen girl.
It looked like a totally normal teen 16-year-old girl until the very end when they're like, oh, my God.
And her face was all messed up.
Like they did something really to her face.
And she has this giant cock hanging out.
I remember seeing that on video, being like, what the fuck?
I'm confused.
Yeah.
Dad?
Get off that roof.
Look at this.
He's like, I am never coming off this roof.
I live up here now.
My son's watching cock videos.
Yeah, that was a glorious time, man.
Like, I mean, people are going to be like, wow, they're old.
But like the advent of the VCR and the video store.
And all those movies.
But now they're just all online.
They're all online, but
just as bad, just as cheesy, just as cheap.
And
they don't have that same allure.
Like, you can see a movie that's probably better in quality than one of those old shitty, like Dr.
Giggles MD type thing.
But you're like, I would never watch this because
there's no way to attach nostalgia to it later on, you know?
Yeah, not at this point, at this stage of your life.
No way.
Like, people kept recommending Terrifier about this clown.
It was like this horror movie about a clown and a killer clown who's like going around killing people.
And it had a very, very 80s feel to it.
And I'm like, it's a rabbit.
I mean, it doesn't look great.
The clown's very fucking weird and shit.
But essentially, he's just chasing a lady, a couple ladies trying to kill him through the whole movie.
And that's it.
There's just no, like...
It's very rare anymore you see a movie.
I'll watch the apostle.
But what was the other one that Western that you recommended, which was really...
bone tomahawk that was brutal too that was really good yeah i like that um but trying to find a movie anymore to like sit through and be like wow that was really good is like nearly impossible i went to see the mega i was like holy shit i heard that was dog holy shit that big shark
i surprised you you wouldn't think i brought sage because i thought that sage would like that that seems a bit too
like tense i would think for uh sage no she likes she likes jaws she likes sharks and sneaks and all that kind of shit she doesn't get the like the i'm sure there's the
over, the overused, like, fucking, like, shock thing where people jump in her.
Or the jump scare type thing.
Was it in the meg, I would imagine?
I think here and there.
Yeah.
I mean, there's one point where, like, they kill the meg like 15 minutes into the movie, and you're like, I'm totally sure another bigger meg is coming.
It was so bad.
It was, like, unbelievable how bad it was.
There's, like, one lady who has hair, like an anime character.
Like, it was so distracting the way her hair.
She's a fucking marine biologist or something on this oil rig thing.
Dwight from the office plays the
trailer.
Yeah, the evil billionaire businessman.
It was just like all around it.
Was like, this sucks.
Yeah.
It's all CGI.
All CGI, the cartoonish black guy who's like, you know, like, I ain't going in that water, you know, like, joking around, like, real stepping.
Tricking your treat, motherfucker.
Exactly, yeah.
Did you guys see in the news, though, today, um, that in Toronto, police have footage of a naked man swimming
in the Toronto
aquarium.
In the shark tank, naked.
And he gets out of the tank, puts his clothes back on, and they have no idea who he is.
That's crazy.
He went for a swim?
He went for a swim in the shark tanks, nude.
That's crazy.
You have footage of him swimming underneath these sharks.
Together sharks.
Shrinkage.
Good for him.
But
is he boning sharks?
No, he doesn't hurt any of the marine life.
But like, what kind of psychopath breaks into an aquarium, unless he works there and they don't know who it is, but and then strips down and jumps in that tank?
Suicidal, probably, right?
It's just like, it's one of the strangest stories I've ever come across on the internet.
Yeah, that is odd.
Is it, or is it, I was thinking, is it a marketing gimmick for Aquaman?
No, I don't think they're going to promote that.
Yeah, they're like, look at this doughy, lumpy white boy.
I'll use this.
This guy will be.
There he is, right there.
This guy will be representing Jason
Lamoa.
This is how we want to market it.
Yeah, so like, I mean,
what is going through your head?
I mean, he's crazy.
Was he on drugs?
I mean, how did he get into the aquarium?
I would not be surprised.
Oh, hide out of a closet or some shit like that.
And then when it was all, when everybody's gone, then he jumps in, like it's some sort of fantasy.
Wow.
But again, who's fantasy?
Why the fuck won't this shit play?
Oh my God.
Okay.
The little 13-second clip as soon as the internet here decides to.
There he is.
You can see his butthole and everything.
Yeah, it is fucking...
Look at him.
It's a butthole.
Look at him go.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, see him?
Yeah, man.
He's like wading or swimming around.
There's all kinds of fish.
Oh, it must smell so nasty.
And be cold, isn't it?
Like, don't sharks like cold water?
I mean, this guy's got to be hopped hopped up on some sort of buffering.
Yeah, some kind of like some kind of name-brand esprit.
Because, I mean,
I would think, I mean, I don't know, how clean is that water, though?
Not at all.
Well, no, it's heavily filtered.
Yeah, I guess so, because the fish got to be.
I don't know, man.
That would freak me.
I couldn't do it.
Even if there was just like no fish that bit in there, I couldn't fucking even stick my leg in.
There's no, what's the reason to go in?
There's no reason to go in, right?
unless you're bucket list all right sharks
Yeah, you could do that usually you're in a cage like you're not technically swimming that dude
that dude and why get naked like why not wear some trunks or something
you want to feel like you're one with the with the sea life man.
You don't see fish in there with any pants on That's true.
I mean if you had your way they would
But do you what do you do to that guy if you're the aquarium?
Do you press charges Q?
Sure.
You got it.
You got it?
Of course.
Did he do any?
I mean, he trespassed.
He, you know, broke the rules of the place.
He probably put the fish in danger.
Yeah, because they could get some sort of fucking fungus or whatever.
What if he ate something bad and it
comes out and then
kills the fish?
You think he dropped a log?
I don't know, but if a guy swim with chicken, I'm not going to put it past him.
Yeah, if he wants to become one in the fish community, that's what they do.
That was always the grossest thing.
I remember Pam used to have fish tanks and like when a fish took a shit, it wouldn't always like dislodge.
It would be falling right as they swam.
Oh, it's so disgusting i try to jump in naked
ryan
bucket list
but is that the greatest um advertisement for the toronto fucking aquarium though i know it exists now yeah
i mean i would have assumed one exists but now i know for sure there's one i mean it's not going to make me go what No, do you think that guy is
right now?
He's like, why the fuck did I do that?
He'd be like, it's me, you see my face.
Yeah,
you see everybody.
He's in a panic, man.
He's making plans right now.
Canadian or American?
Canadian.
Canadian.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was probably somebody on some like bath salts or some shit, like something very weird.
I wondered if it was maybe just one of the handlers.
Yeah.
But then
there would be no mystery.
They may not let it out.
That's true, too.
Yeah, they may not let that information get out.
People are always doing that shit, climbing into fucking tiger enclosures.
And then, like, sometimes, like, with shit like that, they're like, oh my God, he's getting ripped apart.
Like, the thing rips him apart right in front of people.
And they're like, I guess we better shoot the tiger.
It's so unaffected.
What the fuck for?
I don't understand it.
You know, it's like somebody breaks into your house and you shoot them.
And then they're like, well, now we got to shoot you.
Well, you get in trouble for that now, right?
I guess so.
Shoot somebody in your house?
Probably not.
Somebody came in.
You gotta.
I guess.
No, that's true.
Shoot him a dirty look.
Yeah, shooting some daggers.
Get out of here.
Go on now.
I've been watching, I was going to ask you this.
I've been watching
this show, 90 Day Fiancé.
Oh, you've talked about it, yeah.
It's pretty interesting in as much as like, I mean, having worked on a show now where like you know certain things don't happen certain ways and like the looks and shit, the reactions, it's like you wonder now about every single thing you see and shit like that.
But when it comes right down to it, it's like these guys met and every single person who is from another country, it's the same story.
Their entire family's like, all they want is a green card.
All they want is a green card.
And I'm only up to the second season so far.
It doesn't seem like anybody's there for just a green card.
Yeah, I got it.
Why, though, if you don't like it, though?
Because it's really not that good, but it does.
It's amazing what they do with such a small amount of footage.
Because you'll see the same scene or
little sequence four times, five times within the same show.
It's like,
here's the teaser.
Now here's the recap.
Now here's where it really happens.
Were you watching Practical Jokes?
Here's the flashback
by accident
um
it's just tell me what up with with the world we live in and the amount of entertainment that's out there you're watching a show that you don't like it got yeah it hooked me in i i can't i can't not watch it i'm like all right well and then did you finish bojack the next no
no
I watched
it was like beyond the 90 days.
Like, I was like, what's this?
It came up on Hulu, and I watched the first one, and I'm like, oh my God, these people are maniacs.
So, like, you watch the whole thing, and then I'm like, all right, let me watch the first season.
And then you're like, is this a couples thing?
Like, you and your gal do this?
Oh, we totally, yeah, yeah.
Rob Ruby, like, is this something?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Like, so you guys just, I'm sure you're just yelling at her about what's not yelling at her, but like, yelling at yelling at her through what you're seeing.
I'm like, why don't you act more like a Russian who desperately wants a green card?
Like, you're refrusting.
You're telling her every frustration while watching this about what you're seeing, right?
No, it's more, I'm not frustrated as much.
It's just like incredulous.
Like, I can't believe these people exist and i can't believe that some of them you feel sorry for like the first season there was a guy who was a mormon and he is um
he has a girl who's from brazil this girl who's 20
really pretty really young small she looks like a little kid almost and he's 29
and all first off i'm like a lot of these guys i'm like That guy is gay.
There's no way this guy isn't gay.
And
I guess he's gone like outside the country because he's you know the the local pool has left him disappointed i think this dude was from utah i think or california
where was the uh the foreign uh participant from the foreign the foreign girl was from brazil is it that bad in brazil that they that they'll oh yeah they have like one of the highest murder oh yeah rates in rio de janeiro yeah like there used to be like death like police were like death squads they'd go through like killing kids although people love to go there vacation
beautiful but yeah like you can't be in the streets It's a no.
No.
Shithole.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow.
They didn't know that.
That's why they're so nervous
when the Olympics were there because the street crime is so bad.
So have you ever been here?
No.
No.
No way.
Cattle went.
On vacation?
He went for the festival.
And he got
the flea seams fun.
Oh, he did?
Oh, yeah.
He fell asleep.
He fell asleep on a beach, and when he woke up, all the shit was gone.
His wallet, his camera.
All right, guys.
When you wake up, you're just like, well, all your shit's gone.
I'll ask him.
How is he that light a sleeper in a foreign country?
I know, he doesn't drink either.
So, you know, he wasn't like
heavy a sleeper, right?
The sun beating down on him, yeah.
Yeah, there's no fucking way.
Was he just by himself?
I mean, he told me the story years ago, so I don't know the details.
Oh, this was this was, yeah, college, I think.
Wow.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
But the guy is like a lot of the guys are very controlling or like they want to control the girls because they're all from like the Philippines or Russia or
Brazil, Colombia,
these places.
And the guy,
again, you don't know how they cut it, so you're not sure if he said this before or after, but he's like, I don't want her to become a model, which seems a rather random thing to say.
I don't want her getting caught up in that fast life.
And then she goes to get a haircut, and they do her hair all nice, and the lady, the haircut lady is like, you should become a model.
And she's like, really?
And then she tells him she's going to do some modeling, and she goes and takes pictures, and he doesn't like it, of course.
And he eventually, at the end, she does not do the modeling, and she instead she marries him.
And this is like, this girl.
She seems so nice.
I felt so bad for her, so sweet and like wide-eyed at everything.
Like she was, he brought her to
Hollywood and Highland and she gets a, she's super into Johnny Depp.
And there's a guy dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow, so she gets a picture with him and he doesn't even like that.
He's like, all right, all right, hands off, hands off.
Like he's real controlling.
And there's a scene where, because they're Mormon, so they can't have premarital sex.
So she sleeps in the bedroom, and he's sleeping out.
I mean,
whoever's shooting this must have been like, this is, I couldn't hope for more.
He's laying on a couch
to go to sleep and his friend come comes over to make sure he doesn't sneak in there to have sex with him as if like sex with her as if that's like going to be a problem and they're so and he's like on a different like couch they're so close and facing each other giggling and he's like the the guy the mormon guy pretending he wants to fuck the girl's like hey why don't you go to sleep he's like you first like they're so
i'm like they're gay there's nothing wrong with it just be gay right why are you dragging this poor girl into why does this girl have to like become a part of this weirdness?
And I checked up the backstory and they're expecting their first kid.
She didn't do modeling.
Yeah, I was like, God damn.
They're really married.
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
Oh, yeah.
Like, yeah, because mostly the girls, you're like, walk away.
Like, some of the guys take shit that I'm like, oh, my God.
Like,
I wouldn't take this under any circumstances.
Like, that must be the same.
Let alone with someone you can get out of the country so fast with just a phone call.
Yeah.
Like, you're bitching at me again?
Hold on.
Let me just call Ice.
There's a girl who, again, the fucking guys, like, it's the religious ones who are like real, like,
it's weird, like 23-year-old guys who are like giggling about being virgins and shit.
And like,
the religious people, that's all they want to talk about before the wedding is like
the extended family, too.
Well, about having sex.
But can you imagine
family?
And just being like, so the big night's coming up.
Gonna, gonna get some.
So, okay, so bizarre.
So So
let's say
you have a family member who is a virgin, a male virgin, and
you're not ripping, and not ripping, you're not like talking to them like you're not, like all the big nights going up.
Or do you just like, it's a, it's, you know it, but it's a, it's the elephant in the room.
My first question is, why do I know this?
Like my brother, like if my brother.
You defer.
Well, he's a cousin or, I don't know.
I probably would talk to him about it just because.
But would you be like us, a big night?
I probably, if it was a female cousin, I probably wouldn't.
I wouldn't want to be like...
I probably just offer him my services.
Like, you don't have to go to Columbia for this.
Why?
Because you wouldn't feel it'd be too awkward to talk to him.
Yeah, I think it would be awkward.
And it's like, what insight do I have on the topic?
You have plenty.
No, not from her angle.
But also, do you have any brothers or cousins that if they were still a virgin, you wouldn't be like...
They're asexual.
There's something.
Yeah.
There's something fundamentally wrong.
They're just highly religious.
There's nothing wrong with them.
Sure, except for the fact that they're highly religious, I guess.
Yeah.
But you wouldn't like to give them the old punch in your arm like, hey, buddy, you took 48 hours.
That's not how close to, if I was really close to him, I probably would.
Rip him a little bit and be like, you know,
make sure we're getting in the right hole, buddy.
You know, shit like that.
But not the girl, though.
Not the girl.
Not the girl.
You'd be a little bit more.
I just wouldn't want to discuss it.
Yeah, I think it's weird.
There was a guy, he was a religious guy from Pennsylvania, and the girl was from South Africa.
They're both pretty young, like 22, 23, somewhere in there.
And he has two brothers.
I think they were both older.
All they wanted to talk about.
Like, the one brother thought he was the funniest motherfucker on earth, and it was like, oh, my God.
That's how Darren and Eric feel.
Yeah.
They're right, at least.
That was the
one.
That was an hour.
That was great.
This reminds me, though, this goes back to the beginning stages of Telman Steve Dave when you are obsessed with honey boo-boo.
Yeah.
You are drawn to these like trash.
Car wreck, trash bullshit.
Yeah.
And then I can't stop because I'm like, I got to see it through to the end.
I got to see it through to the end.
But I know it's stupid, and I know I'm wasting my time, but I'm still like...
If you enjoy it on some level.
I'm like, I want to binge every season that's on my bucket list.
But these two guys are like,
they're talking about the sex with a brother, and he's all like,
and they're like, we're passing the torch to you.
And they're like, the sex torch.
And they're like, they think the term sex torch is hysterical.
But when they explain it, though, it's like, I don't know what they're talking about.
But he was like, the one who, the one who, no, the one who got married first was like, first I passed the sex torch to you, to the other brother.
Was there an actual torch?
No.
And he was like, and then now we'll pass it to Danny.
You know, I mean, like, and her, like, like, not us.
Like,
they don't, there weren't, they don't want any mistakes made that, like, we're going to fuck our brother.
That actually made me laugh.
But then during the ceremony, they did bring out an actual torch because they were like, we can't waste this on just me and you.
Let's let everybody know about the sex torch.
And they brought it out and everybody's cracking up.
And I'm like, either A, they're laughing at something they don't even know what they're talking about, or B, there's a whole preamble that they just cut out of the show.
Yeah.
Since the beginning of weddings, though, I mean, sex has played a gigantic role in the ceremony, though.
You got the.
After the ceremony, usually.
Well,
the bride.
I'd go to a lot more weddings if that were the case.
After the vows and the kiss,
you take off the garter belt and you throw it to somebody else.
And
you get real high.
You're seeing a whole bunch of skin.
Yeah, but I think at this point, though, you're assuming that they've had sex already.
So it's not like, ooh, they're going to do it tonight.
It's like, I've lived together for three years.
I'm assuming that they fucked at this point.
They did it last night.
I don't care.
In fact, they've lived together so long, they probably aren't going to do it tonight.
Exactly.
You're probably going to be tired of them.
Let's go to bed.
I was wondering, though, if you were a single guy,
would you ever consider?
that like another somebody from another country
because you don't you don't really know anybody when you meet them now you really don't know their backstory i think it's such a different cultures and everything it might be it's a tough thing to overcome like unless it's like like a first world country yeah like canada or something or england or something but like somebody's like you know like if it's like okay now you live in a straw hut now you're gonna live in
yeah some of them do yeah like the one girl lived in like like earthen floors and shit it's very difficult uh um you gotta work your way up to having an actual floor
yeah there's there's some culture shock for some of them there was a a guy in the, in, in the, before the 90 days or whatever, this guy, Larry, it's so good, this guy.
I've never seen someone so socially awkward.
Like, this is like, this is how he talked, but with his eyes, this is like Deadwood level of enthusiasm.
Yeah, he's really into this.
This is weird.
This guy was so amazing, though.
Like, I've never seen someone so incapable of
conversation with people he knows, interacting with people he doesn't know.
Like, and I'm like, worse than Walt.
Like, it was, like, there's one scene I'll isolate.
I'll isolate it and show it to you guys.
The way he, he goes to the Philippines and he greets, this did remind me of you.
He greets, like, the family.
The way he greets the dad is a series of, I guess, greetings that he assumes.
First, he doffs his hat.
Then he goes to shake a hand.
Then he tries to hug him, but awkwardly.
And then he, or before he tries to hug him, he bows.
Dude, it's so fucking funny and weird.
But he goes, when he's approaching him, he goes, hi, Daddy.
I was dying.
Hi, daddy.
But then they're like, all right, well, the whole family's going to have this barbecue type thing.
So they roast something called like a luche or whatever.
And it's this pig.
And the guy hacks the head off with a machete.
And the dude is like, I'm not eating that.
I got to want to eat that.
Was it cooked already?
It was cooked.
Yeah, it was like a pig roast.
And the girl's super upset because I guess they had to like save up for a month to buy this pig.
And they rarely have it.
And this guy, Larry, shows up and they're like, hey, we're going to celebrate your arrival and marrying the daughter and everything.
And he won't eat it.
And these little kids are laughing at him.
And all the adults are offended.
And she's pissed at him for like the rest of the trip because he wouldn't eat the pork.
And he's just like, I don't eat that.
If you saw it, you'd be like, no way.
Like, no fucking way.
There's lots of shit I wouldn't eat.
I don't care if it offends somebody or not.
It's like, all right, come on.
Come on.
There's a lady, she was offended because she was some Midwestern lady.
She's like, so you don't want to eat my bacon?
Like, she had made bacon.
The girl's like, I don't eat bacon.
I don't like bacon.
She's offended by it.
It's like, you fucking fried bacon.
It's not like you made some kind of fancy souffle.
It's one ingredient.
It's one thing.
You just lay it down there until it warms up.
Yeah.
You didn't really cook it.
Yeah, I never got the obsession with bacon.
Like, I, I, like, you know, people do eat that real fatty bacon with the maple syrup on it.
Yeah.
It's so disgusting.
Or like bacon and chocolate.
I like that shit.
It's like crispy bacon, man.
Almost no fat on it, so it's not like chewy or
there.
You like bacon a lot?
I used to eat bacon.
I haven't eaten bacon in probably 20 years, though.
20 years?
It's about 20 years since I had bacon because it's very rare for me to have gotten bacon without any fat on it because I like a crispy toast.
And seemingly, every time I got bacon, it was like rubber fat.
That's nasty.
I just swore off bacon.
There was no pork.
I pulled
Muslim.
You don't dig on swine.
So it made me pull this up because there was another Mormon guy who was like, this kind of girl I really, she's 21 years old.
She comes over from
Czech Republic.
She's like, I really like to dance.
And
the boyfriend or her fiancé, whatever, is Mormon.
And the whole family's like super judgmental.
And they're like, yeah, no, we're dancing.
And she's like, but I want to dance.
And they're like, nah.
In fact,
put a shirt with sleeves on because like you can't have a sleeveless shirt on.
And so the boyfriend is like, all right, I'll meet you.
You know, I know you like to dance.
I'll bring you down to learn the salsa, which she already knows, evidently.
But he brings her, imagine bringing her to like a pizza place in Idaho and they just clear the tables away and it's a whole bunch of white people doing something that in no way, shape, or form resembles the salsa.
And the music isn't like salsa music.
And she's looking at him like, what the fuck?
And she's like, this is, this sucks.
This is no good.
And she came from Russia, this girl.
And as I'm watching this, I'm like, She, I bet you she had more freedom in Russia than she did in Idaho with these fucking crazy Mormons.
Right.
Like, they don't like anything.
But I know, Walt, you're a Catholic.
It made me look it up, and I'm like, you might be a good Mormon.
Here are some of the main tenets, right?
No sex before marriage and complete fidelity after marriage.
Now, you've been married a while.
You're fucking
the fidelity thing totally works.
So you got that no alcohol or drugs yeah why because we just did an aspirin that's easy though yeah I don't know if they're not Amish on it or whatever so I don't think they care about like if you had an aspirin because you got like I got a cold in my neck I think they'd be like all right well just don't dance you know but yeah I mean
yeah I could definitely be if that's it that's the only thing you gotta do oh no there's a whole bunch of stuff
this one you might have hard a hard time with no dishonesty Mormons believe it is important to keep Christ's commandment in the Bible to be honest with other people.
Well, no little white lies?
I mean, it says no dishonesty, so probably that falls under the umbrella.
How many little white lies you tell a day, Q?
On average, you think, if you had to guess.
More than 10.
I don't know.
I think less and less as I get older.
What do you mean about you?
Zero.
Zero?
White lies.
All my lies are major
lies to mislead people.
Blackest of lies.
White lies.
Yeah, probably maybe a couple a day.
Not too many.
Yeah, I don't know if I, I mean, if I was being 100% honest, I mean, I
tell
that, I mean, I'm telling white lies constantly.
I pretend.
Like,
if I pretend to be interested in what someone's talking to me, is that being dishonest?
No, I wouldn't say that falls under being dishonest.
Because you're just, you're not lying to them.
You're
human.
They're going to walk away after the conversation.
He he was interested.
He was engaged.
Yeah, I mean, they're technically delusional, I guess.
But I would say that you, that's more you just being polite.
Okay.
Yeah, I would say you're being polite.
I mean, and really just suffering.
Suffering the nonsense.
Here's some other ones.
Do not view pornography.
It's incredibly belittling to women to treat them as objects, and pornography tempts the viewer to commit sin.
I respect their choice.
Do not engage in same-sex relationships.
We know you're not going to do that.
Yeah.
Here's the one that would really suck.
Dedicate Sundays to the Lord.
I think they basically are like into the Lord all day long.
I don't know.
Maybe at night.
I think they're at a
most of the day
they're in church.
Did you guys watch that football game last night?
Fucking so good.
Yeah, I checked that out, man.
I was like, give me a brewski, bitch.
I know you're not.
I'll try to watch this football game.
I thought maybe in between 90-day feelings that you could watch, you could maybe squeeze a little football in.
Yeah, no, she's like, the electric's off, remember?
Like, all right, when it comes back on,
get me a warm beer out of the refrigerator.
Yeah, it was a great game last night.
You guys are missing out.
Who played?
Tom Brady put on another show last night.
Did he?
Yeah, he's in his 40s now.
In his 40s and doing things that no 40-year-old man has ever done on earth.
I've heard recently, I can't remember, it was on some radio station.
I was flipping around, and they were talking about Tom Brady outliving his usefulness.
Yeah.
But it doesn't sound like it.
This is what these guys were saying, though, that
he's steadily declining and should probably hang it up.
What radio state?
It was on satellite radio.
It was on satellite somewhere, yeah.
I quickly flipped away.
He might hear.
He's doing like he's
no at this stage, at the 40-year-old stage, he's done more than any 40-year-old has ever done.
Every time he does one thing, he's adding to a record that he probably will only be able to have at this point in his life.
Who's the oldest guy to ever play in the NFL?
I don't know for sure, but I know there was a guy named George Blanda,
and he retired in the 70s, and he was 50, and he was a quarterback who
got regulated to a place kicker
to stay in the team.
So he was the backup quarterback.
But in his final year of professional football, he got to play some
quarterback because the starter got injured.
And when
you Google a picture of George Blanda in his last game
compared to Tom Brady, it literally looks like Tom Brady's grandfather.
And that's not a great picture.
I can't see it.
But if you just type in George Blanda and Google images, I'll show you the picture.
It's nuts.
Like, the difference in decades and, like, I guess, how you how we take care of ourselves or how athletes take care of ourselves, not we.
Yeah, not a C per se.
I know.
One guy with a broken shoulder, the other guy with a broken arm.
But still, man, I mean, it's crazy.
There he is.
Oh, wow.
But that's his like, that's in his last, that's one of his last games up there, the far right now.
That motherfucker looks old.
Right.
Yeah, if you were like, hey, that's a guy who plays football currently, I'd be like, get the fuck out of here.
No way.
I mean, it's just a different like in the over 50 league it's a different world now how athletes train that's like i mean tom brady looks motherfucker ain't pliable 20
um
he oh he's dead poor george blanda yeah yeah he died in 2010 born in 1927 uh he retired from pro football in 1976 at the age of 48 oh hell he didn't even make it to 50 he was only he was one of only two players to play in four different decades
Oh, my God.
Yeah, here's his 1955 Bullman cart.
It's painted because they didn't have cameras.
Yeah.
He's like, wow, that's a great likeness.
They got Michelangelo to paint it.
I mean, he retired in 1976, so.
Wow.
Holy shit.
Yeah, so George Belanda, 40 over.
Who else?
Jerry Rice.
How old is Tom Brady right now?
Can you Google it?
I thought I saw a stat last night night that he was 44, but
I think he may be thrown 44 touchdown passes at the age of 40.
Yeah, you were all woozy and shit.
Watch out.
But what's what?
Let's see.
He was born in 77, so he would be 41, right?
41.
So if he can go nine more years, that's a gigantic if because it can end all in one play.
Somebody's leg got broken recently, right?
Somebody snapped their leg.
No, that was Joe Theisman.
That was decades ago.
No, no, no.
This is something recently.
I'll try to find it.
But if he plays until the age of 50, which he says he wants to,
is it the greatest single achievement for a player?
I guess, but
I guess.
I mean,
he plays 12 games a year.
It's absolutely
plus playoffs.
Plus playoffs.
Usually he plays about four playoff games a year because he's always in the Super Bowl.
So that's 20 games plus the preseason.
But I'm selling it.
Well, what about the horse?
What was his thing?
Like, what was his iron horse?
Yeah.
Oh, this is, it wasn't a leg, it was a broken ankle.
Bengals, Tyler Eifert.
Like, they tackled him in his fucking.
I don't know why it's easier for me to watch somebody die
in a video than it is for me to watch somebody break an arm or a leg or something.
Nobody wants to see that.
Yeah, that's tough looking.
Oh, this internet.
I don't know.
I'm going to.
I think
if he is able to do it, I just don't see
how any singular achievement in any sport can ever match it, though.
Playing professionally until you're 50?
It's crazy to think about it because
going up against guys in their 20s who are like
physically, it shouldn't be possible.
Yeah, they're specimens.
I guess this is like
football players, man.
I mean, football fans.
Look at them.
There you go.
Cal Ripkin, What was his?
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
He was a shortstop for the Baltimore.
Iron Man, not the Iron Horse.
That's it.
Lou Gary's the Iron Horse?
I don't know what the Iron Horse is.
Yeah, it's the nickname for one of the plays, Iron Man.
Okay.
He played 21 seasons.
He played until 2001.
Well, right now, Brady started in 2000.
So he's played 18 years
with
no signs of falling off.
I mean, this guy at the end, Cal Ripken.
Yeah.
I mean,
usually when they retire, it's like, oh,
everyone knows it's time.
There's no like, oh, should he do it one more year?
Everyone's like, you know, don't embarrass yourself any further.
Like, it's time to leave now.
Everyone still has great memories of you.
But that is not the case.
He played till he was 42.
Like, that happened with Brodor a little bit towards the end, right?
Like, he just was not as good as he was.
Like, your reflexes just aren't as quick.
They can't be.
uh yeah you just yeah a human being's reflexes yeah especially a goaltender but i mean he wasn't but he wasn't embarrassing himself he just was a bit he wasn't he didn't have a great team in front of him either it really
was a perfect storm well he he wasn't starting he didn't he uh left and he went to another team you know he played only like six games and no one's gonna ever remember those six games but
um for another team but goaltender definitely um but they some of them play until they're well into their 40s though it's about positioning, too.
You make up for any reflex loss
by getting in good position and knowing your angles and shit.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I saw that any given Sunday.
I'm like, I could probably do it at 50.
I could be the oldest player.
I mean, is there thoughts of like
maybe there's time like when we're too old to do this?
No, I don't think so.
To sit almost motionless in front of a fucking microphone.
We're going back to Q's Johnny got his gun shit.
You could still do it.
Are we still bringing the same level of quality as we were when
we were in our
young men?
If you're going by my obsession with reality shows, yes.
I mean, the episode tonight would be
we relied heavily on just
movies, TV.
Yeah, but so what?
No, no, I'm telling you, but like, like, you know, is that okay?
Or is it...
It's okay with me?
Yeah, all right.
Well, that's all that matters.
So, you're saying that me and Bri
we could go to our 60s?
If Brady could go to his 50s, we should be able to go into our 60s.
I'd like to see you guys go into your 60s.
We're the Tom Brady's of podcasting, pretty much.
It was all leading to that sentence.
Sell him, Steve.
Diamond BQ is the focus of the verse.
IJ and true, both a blessing and a curse.
Gets laid, gets paid.
What else can you say?
I never seen him madder than on income tax day.
Hey, mustache, this monkey's 12 monkeys sappy.
He's a four-color demon, not a lean scooter guy.
He's the Staten Island Colonel, cashboy with big wealth.
Got beef, great chief, just go fuck yourself.
Bless me, father, I may have sinned.
I don't quite get the rules set by Mr.
Plan again.
He sells comics, baby, no word of a lie.
He never touches drugs and his parties are dry.
Bald sleeps under his casper to protect his eyes.
You know that all he eats is pizza, chicken, fingers, and fries.
Family man, devil's fan, who gives Giddam his due.
Too bad his family saw him swindled like a pigeon.
They use it, they use it, Jerry Pigeon.
That is genius.
That's some old-tongued.
Big broadbeard guy, the prophet of rage.
Spends his time writing horror and just hanging with sage.
Neighbors all hate him, house a skewed and awry.
Drop the pills and the pounds, now he really looks fly.
It's often been said that Bry can't hold a job.
Maybe it's Pete Tesdy from when his car was robbed.
That he makes more on Patreon than you or me.
So if you're gigging at his pool, you better sing on key.
Together they make Tesdy money, brains, and brawn.
They're not top 10 in town, but number one on Patreon.
They care about the fans and the lives they save, but well just wants us to be over.
So tell him, Steve, Dave.
Something they would never play here, ever.
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