#390: Unhuggable

Hey TSD listeners, Walt here with a very special announcement.

It's almost the most wonderful time of year again, and Tell him Steve Dave has something special planned for the 2018 TSD Christmas special, and you could be part of the festivities.

We are asking listeners to send in letters to the stash with subjects you would most want to hear TSD discuss on the 2018 Tellum Steve Dave Christmas special.

Just like we did when we were little and we wrote letters to Santa Claus, that's what I'm looking for here.

Your top three three things that you would want, Christmas related, of course, to hear Tell him, Steve, Dave, discuss.

Could be a Christmas special that you enjoyed as a kid.

It could be a toy.

It could be anything, but as long as it's Christmas related.

And I just want to be able to have a mail sack overflowing with letters that I could dump on the poker table and have Brian Q and Ming and Jeff just sift through these letters, picking one or however many at random, opening them up, just like Santa did, and reading aloud what subjects you guys would love to hear us talk about on this year's Tell Him Steve Dave Christmas special.

I mean,

we all can recall how awesome it was when we were kids to drop a letter in the mailbox to Santa.

That's what we're trying to recapture here on the 2018 Christmas special.

And we will not, I repeat, not be taking any submissions by email.

This all has to be done old school.

It has to be a little letter or a card in the mail and it'd be sent to this address.

T-E-S-D-Exmus, care of Jay and Bobs at 35 Broad Street, Red Bank, New Jersey, 07701.

I repeat, T-E-S-D-Exmus, care of Jay and Bob's, 35 Broad Street, Redbank, New Jersey, 07701.

Please keep the letter strictly to your desired Christmas subjects or conversation categories only, please, you know, because we won't have a lot of time to like sift through it.

So if you just put your top three things that you want to hear us talk about and then you want to go into a little bit more detail, that's fine.

But at least give us right off the bat at the top your name and the three subjects you'd most like to hear us talk about on the Christmas special.

The deadline is November 7th.

So please start sending those letters in now.

Man, I just want to be able to have like a sack full of letters that I can just to hear that sound like hitting the poker table of all those letters.

All right.

So please start sending the letters in now.

We'll start putting them in the sack.

And then on Christmas, when the pod drops, who knows, your letter might be read.

And as before I go and get back into the show or start the show, any Patreon backers who haven't received any gifts yet, please be patient.

Don't worry.

Boxes are going out daily.

They've been going out daily for the last like two weeks.

So please.

Just be a little patient.

I promise you, they're going out.

They're going out constantly.

You're going to get yours in the mail soon.

So sit tight.

And when you get it, you're going to love it.

And thank you to all the backers.

Thank you to everybody.

It's

unbelievable response to the Patreon.

And it's humbling.

Makes me want to try a thousand times harder to deliver not only cool gifts, but cool content for the, you know, just stuff that you're like, make you guys feel like this is the best, either five bucks or 10 bucks or 20 bucks or whatever it is you're spending.

It's the best money you spent that month.

All right.

So let's get on with the show.

Hit it, Jay Sarge.

I mean, are they that desperate for like

the celebrity of the week that they're going to bring to an icon like Aleutha Franklin has like

the situation and fucking Ariane DeBras?

Tough shit.

I don't care about your feelings.

I don't.

I just don't.

I don't go out of my way to offend anybody.

But if I say something,

you're going to dress up as a rapist clown.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell Him Steve.

Dave probably sounds a little bit different, a little echoey, maybe.

But that's the way we're going to do it this week.

Yeah, we're not in the store this week.

Well, didn't the last one sound like this, too?

I don't think so.

I don't know.

Yeah, I didn't listen to it, so I'm not sure.

You know what?

Maybe people are just getting used to it.

Do the new echo.

No more handshaking.

No more.

Done.

I'm fucking done with it.

No more handshaking.

I got sick again.

Nope.

You think it was from the con we did?

Yeah, because it showed up right after that.

Because I don't shake hands.

Fist bump.

I do the fist bump, and

I am lotioning up these with Purel

every second possible.

You're not getting sick.

Remember, what was it of Mice and Men?

The guy wore the glove with the Vaseline in it so he could smack his wife around

without leaving marks.

Curly, was that of Mice and Men?

That's me with Purel.

Yeah?

Yeah, I just got a glove.

I just put it in there, wave my fingers around.

Is that a popular

book or movie of my?

Mice and men?

It's an American classic, isn't it?

Okay, because I told Chris Ledondo,

on his first, May I Propose a Roast

segment, he used a Mice and Men joke, and

I had to Google it because I didn't get the joke.

You actually Googled it.

You didn't get the joke.

I still didn't get it.

And I questioned, I said to him, I go, do you think that the TSD audience is going to get the Mice and Men reference?

He goes, If they, well, the ones who went to high school, he said, will.

And I was like, okay, I guess

I didn't want to say anything else.

I guess I was wrong then.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What was the joke, do you remember?

George and who's the other person in Of Mice and Men?

Lenny?

Yeah.

He goes, Agidamin and Walt remind me of George and Lenny from Of Mice and Men.

I just don't know who's going to shoot who, though.

First.

I can see by hearing.

I mean, I get the joke because at the end he shoots him.

I didn't even see you smile, though.

Yeah, but

I don't get why Mike and Ming would shoot each other.

No, no, me and Giddam.

Oh, you and Giddam.

Yeah.

Oh.

Still don't get it.

Yeah, that makes a little bit more sense.

Well, you still.

Now you're laughing?

Now I'm getting a little bit, yeah.

Okay, all right, good.

But I don't think Giddam would ever shoot you.

I don't think you shoot Giddam.

Dante's done it again.

All right, let me go get this guy.

Meteorites

are suitable for the catalog them.

For the mass market.

Did you hear this somewhere?

I'm not making it up.

I heard this.

I don't think it's...

Did I tell you this?

Yeah, so

I don't know.

But maybe like when

people find a meteorite, you got to find out if it has too much radiation and shit.

I think it's

a good idea to keep a meteorite, though.

But how about, I mean, mean, what the fuck, man?

Like, it falls out of the sky, falls from outer space.

Nobody owns it, outer space.

It falls onto your property, and the government's like, give it

a break.

It's in your best interest, though.

You can't keep

something that is highly radioactive, though.

It could kill the whole community.

Yeah, if it's highly radioactive, I guess.

You can't just rely on your fucking...

your knowledge of a meteor if it hit fucking land in your backyard.

I'd be pretty pissed if you fucking caused everybody in the fucking Port Monmouth to die.

I need a doorstop.

In the United States, the owner of the property where the

meteorite is found is the owner of the meteorite.

You don't have to turn it in?

No.

Get him.

What the fuck does Gidem look?

Well, hold on now.

U.S.

Department of Interior Bureau of Land Management allows casual collection of up to 10 pounds per year of meteorites.

You cannot sell them without obtaining a permit.

Wow.

Giddem does remind me of, like, what was his name?

Jordy Veryl or whatever on

the first creep show.

That Stephen King where that could be right.

Oh, I saw them growing that green shit all over him.

Yeah.

The fungus.

Yeah, I couldn't imagine that being Gidem.

Gout-covered, motherfucker.

So no more handshaking.

No more handshaking.

Now, I looked it up, too, because I'm like, where did this start?

Handshaking.

And it said like

fifth century BC or something.

I guess it was originally to show that you had nothing in your hands.

Like you shake hands so that you don't have a weapon in your right hand and they can see your left hand or whatever.

So we've gotten to a point where it's like

it's

unnecessary.

Yeah.

Unnecessary custom anymore.

Pretty much nobody's carrying weapons around for the most part.

No.

When you go to meet somebody, especially at a con.

Why is our hands so covered with germs, though, you think?

Because you're wiping your nose, you're touching everything in sight.

Well, what about just a hug?

Just a hug?

Yeah, would you just would you are ruling out hugs, too?

How about, how about, and this is a good rule for just across the board: stop touching other people.

Yeah, what about a bow?

Yeah, a little bow.

The Japanese have it down, man.

I'd find that more respectful.

Like, if you bowed to me, I'd be like, oh, cool.

I'm like, that'd be great.

Let's do that at cons.

We'll bow to each other.

Because the antennas are.

You're not going to bow back?

No, I'm going to.

Yeah.

I was just saying, like, oh.

Yeah, like, the antennas have not caught on, so maybe the

bow is what's next.

I know, I'd feel really weird if people were bowing to me.

I mean, they would feel very like, uh, you know, that.

But you're bowing back.

Yeah, even, but you know, they did it first, though.

You know.

Fuck it, I'll do it first then.

If it means I don't have to get sick again,

then I'll do it.

Why don't you get a flu shot or something so you're not so susceptible to all these?

Because it doesn't have anything.

I don't have the flu.

Like, the flu shot isn't going to do shit.

How about why?

Why do I always have to fucking modify my behavior?

Why do I always have to do something different?

I'm going out because you're going out

glad handing everybody.

Pressing the flesh.

Yeah, so I mean, you got to accept

once in a while.

Yeah, I mean, it is.

How about hugs?

How about

the case?

Yeah, I don't want to hug everyone either, man.

I'm not Ming.

That guy.

How has he not gotten me too?

He's up on everyone.

How come?

Guy or girl.

Ming?

How come Ming's not sick?

I'm sure he probably touched more hands than you did, I bet you, this weekend.

Probably, yeah.

And overall, more hands.

Well, he said he had a cough for like two years, though, that he never got a dress strain.

That's not tuberculosis.

That's not a, yeah,

dude.

I got a brain virus from fucking meet and greets.

Really?

That's how I got the.

Oh, that's you traced it back?

Yeah.

That's what the doctor did.

No, we didn't find patients by patient zero.

But when, all right, so because of that, I said I'm not doing meet and greets anymore.

We stopped doing meet and greets.

I don't, I rarely get sick anymore.

But

I thought the rumor was that you guys were doing a prank in the swamps of Louisiana.

Or is that bullshit that you guys have to do with the music?

I mean, run a parasite gone to his butthole.

That was Sal.

Did you guys do any pranks

in a swamp?

That was Sal is the bog monster.

Sal was a bog monster.

Were you there too?

Yeah, I was there.

Did you get bit by a mosquito?

Not that I recall.

I thought that's where I thought that you think

that's where you were.

I don't know why.

I think you just created that.

That was never said or even thought of.

I didn't even know.

I was supposed to buy the fact that I was sick before that got filmed.

Do you also see how quickly he was ready to blame it on me?

He's like, Didn't you say?

No, no, I didn't say.

It also said with handshakes that a weak handshake is preferred in China and Japan.

Like, they want you to go in all limp fish and shit.

How come?

You gotta sign a respect or something.

Because don't you hate the guys who are like, hey, man, like, a firm handshake shows how manly you are, and then they fucking pulverize your hand into fucking like a diamond.

Someone squeezes it so hard.

They punch your fist.

Yeah.

You're like, dude, like, what the fuck, bro?

Aggro much?

How about forearm bumps?

Would you do that?

You know, you just.

I think I'd prefer a forearm.

Or how about just like a pat on the butt, like you like football players do?

Would you do that?

I would do that before I shook hands.

You want to pat each other's asses?

I'm down.

Because that means like I'm just touching fabric.

I'm not touching.

You know, and so are they.

You know?

Because who knows?

Like, I shook hands with a person before me, so now I'm going to pass it on to you.

It's not just about everybody giving me shit.

Like,

now I'm a fucking vector, man.

Yeah.

You know, it's not good.

No.

I think you're right.

Like, why do we have to touch each other?

Like, don't touch me.

Yeah.

There's no need to touch me.

Yeah, like, you're taking a picture or whatever.

That's then put your arm around you.

Yeah, of course.

And I'm not even just talking about like fans.

I'm talking about like family.

Like across the board.

Like, I don't think anybody needs to touch me.

Yeah.

The cats, I'm good with that.

Do you risk losing contact with that human contact?

You'll miss it at some point, though.

No.

No, not at all.

Like, people, I mean,

you know, how much it helps, you know, like just a hug, they say, a day

is so helpful to

your overall health.

I'm okay.

Is it really?

A hug?

Yeah, go look it up.

No, I'm not saying I don't believe you.

I'm just saying that.

Hug a day.

Hold on a second.

It can really do a lot for certain people.

It's just that

it does something and it provides

a stimulus in your body that makes you for a healthier person mentally and physically.

But that would come from someone you're close to or a couple of people.

I think you said family, though.

Yeah, but I'm not really close to any of my family.

You know?

Then I should be super healthy because Sage is constantly hugging me.

Imagine if you're not sure.

These people are saying, yeah i know right these people are saying eight hugs a day walt need eight hugs a day eight hugs like eight glasses of water huh

yeah drink a glass of water give a hug or do you need it well so you need them so you got to get them from people

so you got three people in your family if like so it'd be like three three and two and then the next day they rotate so like somebody will get some from mike and meng when i and uh i mean

at work yeah is it the same hugs yeah you told me you don't like hugs.

Yeah.

How long did it take you to break into hug territory?

Well, well over a decade.

And then he asked me to stop.

Yeah.

He's like, I already have my eight for the day.

I don't need this shit.

When someone hugs us, the physical contact activates the pressure receptors that we have on our skin, which are also known as

packages.

Passion corpuscles and respond mainly to deep pressure.

I believe that.

So you've got to give a good hug.

An important change takes place directly in the brain.

A hug stimulates the production of dopamine and neurotrends.

I wonder why.

Well, Arthur.

It feels good to have human contact.

We all need it.

Even though we say we don't, we really need it.

From strangers, though?

It's traumatizing from strangers.

Yeah, it depends on the stranger, though, right?

I mean,

let's be honest.

It all depends on the stranger.

If it's like the

homeless guy

who hasn't bathed

ever, you don't want the hug.

But if it's somebody

you've got like a

say modeled for Vogue in the 80s.

Well, I'm wondering, like,

does the attractiveness of the person increase the strength of the hug in terms of dope?

I mean, like, okay, you get a hug from Gidde, or you get a hug from Tom Brady.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, Tom Brady's hug is going to be like

sublime.

It's going to be pliable, I'll tell you that much.

It's not because he looks like he's better looking.

It's because he's got all those goddamn rings.

What rings?

Like his rings?

So, wait, what is he rubbing your back up and down all these hugging?

Like, how do you feel the rings?

I hope they're Super Bowl rings.

I could just feel the ridges of those six rings.

He's like, and his cocked rings on the front.

Okay, so.

Get him has a ring, but Ivy, it's yeah, it's only because he can't cut it off.

It's too tight.

Too tight for that.

His marriage would fall apart if it took off the wedding ring.

Yeah.

Yeah, so like if it's a girl or a guy hugging you, any difference?

If it's a stranger?

No, I don't want strangers touching me.

No.

No, no.

So there's no difference to me.

And this is, you don't want people hugging you in the store right now.

This isn't an open invitation.

It's the same for somebody who's unhealthy like you, you may want to look into more hugs.

Not me.

I'm healthy.

Healthy in what way, though?

Like psychologically?

Yeah, both.

I mean, mean, you're constantly getting knocked down by a virus or a fucking infection.

The last time I was sick was because of a con.

It was years ago.

Years ago.

Oh, shit.

It was years ago.

When's the last time I was sick?

The last time I got sick like this was from a con.

It was in Boston.

I saved everyone for three months.

Like I go back a couple of months ago of like, oh no, I'm not feeling good.

Oh, damn, God, damn con.

It's this, it's a kind of a pattern.

You do get sick more than you think you do.

So I'm just saying, you may need a couple more hugs from the, you know,

to build your your immune system up.

So, when you see me in Syracuse, not this weekend, but next, come up and as we're hugging, shake my hand.

No, don't shake your hand.

Just give them a hug.

What about the from behind hug when you're not expecting it?

Oh, yeah, yeah, like in an elevator or something.

Yeah.

Like, you might sneak me an extra ninth or tenth hug for the day, and I'm like, ooh,

just there goes that dopamine.

If it doesn't trigger dopamine, would you be worried about your

brain?

Like, it's supposed to trigger the dopamine effect, the hug.

It is not going to take a stranger hugging me and having no reaction to make me worry about my mental health.

I'm just like, oh, my God, there's something wrong with me.

I think there's something wrong with me all the time.

Like, sometimes I'm like, I'm like, I don't think I can feel joy.

I'm like, I honestly don't think, I'm like, I see people doing things and they all look so happy.

They have like big smiles and shit.

And I'm like, why can't I, why don't I feel?

Because it's just something very usual.

Like they're in a restaurant, they're talking to the lady who's sitting them down.

They got these big smiles on,

like engaged and animated and shit.

You've never had like fun.

They must have had a lot of hugs.

No, I have, but I'm just saying like that kind of shit now.

Oh, they're probably like in love or on a date or something or happy with the person they're with.

Yeah, but I mean, I think I'm like that.

I mean, I'm not like, what's that?

You You think what?

You seem to be much happier in your like in your current situation.

Yeah, unfortunately, I've fallen ill.

Much, much, much happier.

Oh, yeah, definitely.

So you are capable of feeling

but I mean that level of work, like all day where things, it just feels like there's something constantly weighing.

There's always something there that's like,

but maybe it's me.

Maybe it's just me looking for something to

weigh.

Yeah, I think you

like.

I could get a hundred hugs a day.

I do tell my Steve Dave once a week, he's going to neutralize everybody.

Oh, definitely.

You think you're mentally distressed and abnormal?

Yes, you are.

Make no mistake.

You're also sick a lot more than you think you are.

You are.

Which means maybe you have dementia.

I don't know.

Like, you don't remember getting sick.

Would you agree with me?

He's sick way more than you think he is.

I honestly, like, I would love to jump on, but I don't recall him being sick a lot.

But you, I don't think so.

Like, last year you worked with him.

I mean, you saw him all the time when you guys were making the TV show, so maybe you saw something I didn't see.

Not like where he's like bedridden.

Yeah, not dope sick.

Just regular sick.

But like, he, you know, he would say he's not feeling good or that sage got him sick.

Yeah, she got to be sick in the winter.

So

I can, with, I'm no kidding around.

I think you're sick a little bit more than you think you are.

And maybe

a good, nice regimen of hugs would help this situation.

Again,

I have two people who are like hug crazy,

very affectionate, touchy people.

So

maybe, maybe they're fucking up, maybe they're just not doing a good job.

You've been all built up an immunity to their hugs, and

you may need to look outside.

I got to go outside the relationships.

Don't they have those?

I'm hugging Sage's classmates and shit.

Dana?

Here comes the hug monster.

Teacher ushering the kids into trying to shut the door, close it on my arm.

Girls, girls, I'm sick.

I need hugs.

Fuck the door.

My brain isn't right.

I need a hug.

Eyes are all red.

Wait, what would you just ask me something?

I said they have those snuggle clubs.

Yeah, people pay for that shit.

That's.

I agree with you that, like, yeah, people need human interaction to feel normal, but if you're paying for it,

can you get past it?

I think you have to

get right with it.

And you have to accept that, like, okay, either it's this is who I am.

It's either it's no human contact or I got to pay for it.

This is what's become of me.

Yeah.

I think you can get past it and you just accept, well,

either it's living without any contact at all, or am I going to pay for a snuggle?

Hopefully, you can justify just

be right with it and kind of accept it and don't let it

beat yourself.

Don't let that bring me back to reality.

I'm just like, no, they really like me.

You have to be realistic with yourself.

Like, okay, they're not hugging me because they want to, but because I'm paying them, but

hugs a hug.

Right, but it's not like when you bring your car into the shop, it's not like they're fixing it because they like you.

They're fixing it because you're going to give them money.

Yeah, well, that's less personal, I'd say, than like nobody will hug me.

Like, I literally, on a planet of six, seven billion people, I can't find one person who's like, I'll do it for free.

Like, I used to be somebody.

You could always find somebody that will give you a hug for free, but you might have to, some people just might have to look a little bit harder than other people, though.

Yeah, that's sad, though.

Because when those people are kids, it's like maybe they weren't even getting that many hugs then because their parents are real shitty.

And then, like, as they get older and they become more and more, like, disfigured-looking or whatever, people aren't.

Uh huggable.

Even for money, I'm not hugging that motherfucker.

Yeah, they're unhuggable.

Unhuggable.

Yeah.

Do you consider, does your wife, Walt,

consider it cheating if she finds out you've been going to a hug therapist?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I think that would even be more stranger than anything if I was just like, like, that's literally all I was doing was just getting a couple hugs before work.

Just get a couple hugs.

Like, yeah, there was an office in Red Bank.

You just stopped in.

I would, too, would also, like, if I found that out, I'd be like, that's

totally commiserate with her.

I'd be like, he didn't even catch a blowjob.

He was hugging people.

What the fuck with this guy?

It would be very, very.

It would be odd, but it wouldn't have the same fury and hurt, right?

It would just be like, that is what I'm doing.

That's true, but I think it would lead to more, like, what else don't I know?

Right.

How else?

Hug to how well.

Probably a lot if you're going to hug.

Curt into if he's into hugs.

Because if you're into hugs,

you're probably a deviant.

Like, you got to.

this completely

it's almost like he left the room and another person came back wearing his face i don't know what that guy was saying but if you want my opinion on hugs kind of pervasive

it's always it's not what how how

how altruistic i would be about my hugs most people are not as like as pure and as innocent as my hugs would be they would be getting off on it they'd be jacking off right after they they got their hug or something.

Got in their jollies and shit.

You know that they'd be masturbating.

Thinking about you later on in that hug you gave them?

Yeah.

Wow.

If you had to pay for it, I want to hug you now, man.

If this is the power your hugs contain.

No, no, I'm just saying, like, if you're going to a professional hugger.

Oh, okay.

You're probably.

It's like the dude who wants in the debt, you know, was paying someone to change his diaper.

You probably got some sort of, like, fetish or something.

A hug fetish?

That's pretty harmless, though, right?

Hug fetish.

Well, it depends.

Like, I just want to be hugged.

I'll pay you.

Yeah, yeah, if it's harmless.

Can we bring them up on charges for something, some trumped-up bullshit?

Somebody get the tar.

I'll get the feathers.

Yeah, I think it's like a pervert.

You can take a meteorite on him or something.

If it's purely just a hug, yes, but we know the human condition is they'll sexualize that hug.

They'll turn it into something dirty

and something more.

Well, it is, right?

I mean, in this world like if you were to give somebody a hug like who didn't want it then

the whole me too thing right it's like oh he gave me unwanted attention

and now

I like every time I get hugged I get traumatized and shit I get triggered

I gotta go to a fucking hug therapist

you know some people some guys will use the the uh the opportunity to hug to cop a feel.

Yeah, to grind a little bit.

Like that fucking dude with Ariana Grant

at the at the end of the day.

Oh, yeah, that priest or the preacher?

There's a preacher.

Yeah, you didn't see that.

It was a while back when

Aretha Franklin died.

And they were doing the memorial type shit.

And there was some black preacher guy

up on stage at the podium with Ariana Grand, who's a singer.

She's, what's her name?

From

Cat and you know that show?

I know what you're talking about.

That girl with

Aretha Franklin's funeral.

Yeah.

I mean, are they that desperate for like, like,

the celebrity of the week that they're going to bring to an icon like Aretha Franklin has, like,

the situation and fucking Ariana Grande at the time?

I don't think the situation.

No, Ariana Grande is.

I would say she.

She should have let to test the...

Well, she's a singer.

But she's

a young black singer, you know?

Is she...

I thought she was like...

Spanish or something.

But will she stand the test of time and be like a singer that like

she might be like a Britney Spears.

like britney spears still does vega shows like quite a bit that kind of stuff she yeah she's not one of these youtube singers oh no no she's huge oh she's legit big like huge ariana grand

is it just a matter of just trying to get the young people to watch the funeral that they invite ariana grand i can't even imagine that as of june 2008 her music videos have been viewed a total more than 10 billion times online this flash in the pan she'll be professionally hugging before you know it she has sold

30.5 million digital copy digital singles in the U.S.

All three of her albums have been certified platinum.

In 2016, Time named Grande one of the 100 most influential people in the world.

Where's Walt on that list?

Oh, there you go.

Definitely the situation is not on that list.

Like, whoever was in at the moment that, like, Aretha Franklin died, they're like, invite them.

Sure.

The press will cover the funeral.

Who's hot?

Oh,

the girl whose videos have been viewed over 10 billion times?

She's hot.

All right, well, get her then.

She's Italian.

Is she Italian?

Yeah.

All right.

All right, so I've not even dated that douchebag, Pete Davidson, right?

You can't fucking not hear about them.

You cannot hear about it.

Oh, my God.

There's ways trust me.

Oh, my God.

I didn't hear about it.

don't go online

um

but oh yeah so so the preacher's up there first he made fun of her name where he was like i thought it was uh i thought it was a new menu item at taco bell which i didn't know she was italian i thought she was hispanic so it was um

so it was uh it would have been offensive i guess but not because you didn't have the ethnicity right.

But then, like, as he's

as he's up there giving a speech or whatever, he's he's like hugging her and he has his hand around the side,

like feeling like her side boob.

Like, like, I don't know why he's again, why is he touching her?

Why to the fuck does he have to have his hands all over her?

I don't know.

So, as he's talking, I'm gonna find this while I'm talking to you.

Um, as he's talking, he's like feeling her side and feeling her boob and shit.

Let's see, Ariana, Ariana grind.

So, pastor jokes,

big,

Big fucking

big joker.

Leave the joking to the fucking professionals.

Impractical or not.

Okay.

I've got to apologize

because

I have to brush up.

My 28-year-old daughter tells me, Dad, you are old at 60.

When I saw Ariana Grande on the program, I thought that was a new something in Taco Bell.

Now, why is that funny?

It's kind of like he's making a joke

at

his ignorance on who's popular right now.

I mean, Grande,

you know, I get where he's coming from.

I get it.

Yeah.

So do you think, like, this is not a funny thing?

You guys don't agree, though, that you don't believe that

the woman who died, Aretha Franklin, you think she knew who Raurian de Grande was?

Do you not think that this is just like, who's, like, let's get the most popular singers right now.

Who's the most popular pastor?

Let's get him up up there.

Who the fuck is this guy?

But you know, they're like, Debbie Gibson and Tiffany didn't get an invite to this.

No, well, they're not relevant today.

But they were still popular at one time, though.

So, why wouldn't why?

So, it's only about who's popular right now.

Yeah, exactly.

Bullshit, though, because but who the fuck wants to see Tiffany up there?

But who wants to just see her

hug a priest?

Certainly not her.

Once you see him fucking hug her, yeah, she definitely

okay, so now he's hugging her.

Now look at look at his look at his right hand right on her tit there.

He comes off very odd.

Wait a second.

There's a longer version of it.

But like I would think there's more appropriate female singers who were inspired at least by Aretha Franklin that should have been given an opportunity.

Like who?

Because why are they giving someone like her who like...

Well, what's wrong with her?

Why not her?

I don't understand why you're opposed to her.

Because I just feel it's just like, it's just like just

looking for views and likes more than paying tribute to

the deceased artist.

I mean, I guess

if I die or you die or someone dies and the biggest artists in the world come out to honor it, I don't think people see it as a negative.

Definitely not.

See, like, like, I think

it says, if anything, like, she's so, like, Aretha is so relevant today and is such an icon that even the hottest, youngest stars of today have to show respect to her.

But, like, I would have liked to have seen, like, Nancy Sinatra.

Is she still alive?

She is.

She yelled at everybody at a party.

Or one of Sinatra's kids yelled at everybody at a party I was at.

Oh, yeah.

Grabbed the microphone and started screaming because everybody was talking while they were playing one of her father's songs.

Oh, get the fuck out of here.

Yeah, it was crazy.

I don't know.

It just feels more like a ratings grab than a legitimate

celebration of Aretha Franklin's life, though.

Yeah, I mean, you're probably right.

But what is done,

what in media is done not for money anymore?

I mean, of course, they're like, we want the highest ratings possible.

Even we went to Patreon.

Yeah.

So

let's get people.

Let's get somebody that people recognize and like, even if it is as like

bizarre as a Cardi B.

But it's not a

televised event.

Yeah, it was.

That was televised.

That was a tribute to her.

That wasn't her actual wake, right?

No, that wasn't her wake.

Yeah, I think it was like just a moment.

It was like at the Emmys or something.

Wasn't it something like that?

I think that was the funeral.

I don't know.

Even if it was her funeral, so this guy hardly took any shit.

He took a little bit, but

I read like an article on Reddit or a comment on Reddit.

Somebody's like,

well, why didn't she a grown woman?

Why didn't she just move away from him?

And it's like, well, why the fuck should she have to?

Again, why the fuck is he touching her?

He doesn't need to hug her.

Yeah.

He doesn't need to put his hands on her.

Yeah.

But meanwhile, they're like, Bill Clinton is staring at her ass.

And like, everybody gets all worked up about Bill Clinton watching her dance.

Yeah.

And it's like, oh, Bill Clinton is watching a hot 25-year-old girl dance.

That's shocking.

What am I supposed to do?

Let's all talk about it.

Because

it's worth fucking mentioning.

Yeah, I mean, he's definitely looking at her, but I mean, she's dancing right in front of him.

Is he looking at her rear end?

Or is he only fixated on the rear end?

You can't tell, really.

I mean, he's just looking at her, but you know, is he supposed to look the other way when people dance?

I guess so.

You have your Bill Clinton.

I grabbed, like, they grabbed a frame of like him looking.

Yeah, okay.

Kind of

all salacious.

Everybody's going after him these days.

I think that's why.

Fuck Republicans.

Slick Willie?

They're saying, like, if you Democrats are so fucking concerned about sexual harassment, why don't you look to your one of your heroes over there?

Get him?

Not get him.

No, not get him.

Not get him.

No.

Bill Glynn, they're saying that a lot.

Get him

somewhere paying for hugs.

Yeah, that's true.

I mean, he was one of the biggest and

OG

MeTooers in terms of power over someone in a

lesser position.

Yeah, and he lied about it a lot.

Lied as president and then fucking put a cigar into a president.

I don't really have a problem with that part of it.

What are you going to do?

Do you remember it was like right after that?

Well, we worked at the store.

when the store was on Mammoth Street, and I think it was the first Halloween, the only Halloween, probably, we were there.

And there was a little girl, probably like 10, dressed as Monica Lewinsky, and she had like a cigar that she was like smoking.

I guess her parents dressed her up like that.

And I was like, wow.

That was weird.

Wow.

I don't remember that, but I remember seeing her walk down the street, down Mammoth Street, and thinking, wow,

that's a choice.

Yeah, that's a weird one.

Speaking of Halloween, the Halloween episode will be coming up soon.

It looks fucking dope.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I saw the teaser or trailer or the opening, one of the things for it.

It's pretty fucking cool.

Yeah.

It's really cool.

Probably like in the middle of October, it'll drop.

Yeah.

Yeah.

People are going to love it.

I hope so.

And that's video for everyone on Patreon if you're five and above.

And if you just want to listen to the audio, we'll release the audio for free.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah, because I didn't even get to do my roundup of offensive costumes.

Oh, yeah, you got to do good yeah

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I asked Q, I was like, I think

if I dress as Cosby, I'm cosplaying.

Is that considered offensive, just Cosby?

Well, I mean, it depends on what your mask looks like.

Well, it's a mask of sorts.

Face paint,

some might say.

Yeah, I think.

But is that more or less, I mean, he's a convicted rapist, right?

So if you dress up as a convicted rapist, is it then more offensive if you're in Blackface just because of why, though?

Yeah.

I think it should be offensive.

Because it's so

in your fucked up.

It's transparent what you're doing.

You're like, it's my opportunity to finally face paint.

I hate him, right?

To finally face paint.

I'm going to get the pass to finally face paint.

You're looking for a reason.

Yeah,

I mean, I think you're right.

I think people would be more offended if you're in Blackface, but it's just like, but you're dressing up as a rapist, so

it should be offensive regardless.

I think they're both like

handles to

icing on the cake kind of situation.

Yeah, you could put it that way.

I told them we did a Space Monkey show, and I was like...

Live, I heard.

Yeah.

And I was like, dude, like, the day is going to come where I'm going to have to denounce you publicly.

I was like...

At a press press conference?

Yeah, something like that.

I was like, I'm going to do it.

I was like, just know I'm going to do it.

You should have

the speech already.

Not yet, although I'm starting to write it.

You should write it and then just fill in the blank as to like when he did blank.

It's almost like a med lib.

And he said blank.

I told him I'm not going to sell him.

I'm not going to be like, he's not my friend and stuff like that.

I'll just have to.

Depends on what he does, though.

You might have to.

Don't ever, don't leave that off the table.

Oh, I don't have

to do that.

Don't leave that off the table.

Yeah, Yeah, you're right.

You're right about that.

No, I'm not going to do anything.

No, I would never do it.

It's going to be something I say, definitely.

Not like, oh, he did this to somebody else.

I'm going to be like, he's disgusting.

I think he's disgusting.

And then I'm just going to do Telene Dave the next week.

You know what I mean?

So I'm just trying to prep everybody for these stern.

Well, it all depends on the timing, though.

Yeah.

If, if,

you know, in the years of the future,

knock on wood, you know, IJ is finally off the air, maybe season 15.

Would that be be okay in your head?

Let's say 10.

Let's go five years sooner.

And he does something that is beyond the pale.

You might not have to.

Oh, yeah.

No.

You won't have anything to, you won't have to worry about.

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, nobody will care then.

Yeah.

So I.

Plus, in five years, I mean, I can't imagine

this atmosphere that we live in will get even more

restrictive, right?

Because I think people are.

It's not working out for them.

Well, I mean, even now, people are starting to just be like, I'm just going to say things.

Like, certain people are like, I'm just going to say shit, and I don't give a fuck.

I haven't got offended at all.

I'm certain people are starting to just be like, fuck it.

You're going to get in trouble no matter what you do.

What do I even give a shit?

Or tuning people out who are offended.

Like, most people these days seem to be like, Jesus Christ, we got it enough.

Yeah.

It's not stopping them.

It'll never stop them now.

Someone sent a picture to me of, I guess there was like some sort of thing in Washington where women went down there to scream about things.

I guess just to scream to let it out because they can't take living in this world.

And I say if you have the money to travel to Washington DC to fucking scream, just scream about shit, not scream anything in particular, just make a noise.

Yeah.

Yeah, there are people who are worse off than you, way worse off.

Just stay at home and destroy your own house or your own screen door.

Hey, you came by today to pick me up to come here, right?

Did you see anybody around my area?

Was their shit destroyed?

No.

Was my shit destroyed?

It was only my own stuff.

There was stuff out on the curb that he had destroyed.

Really?

Yeah.

Bookcase, yeah.

What happened now?

This is from a while ago.

I just recently got it out.

I punched a hole in it.

But yeah, I put it out for bulk pickup.

Love living in a country with bulk pickup.

It's helped a lot.

It wasn't anything of high quality that would be in your office, Q.

It looked like something that was paper thin,

but he put a hole through it anyway.

no all right

i'm like watch this everyone

and you didn't have to go to watching i like i had scored it

i didn't have to go to watch all the way to washington and scream then yeah no which i'm not saying don't go to washington and scream go ahead but realize if you have that ability you've got it way better than a lot of people out there yeah just to stop it to stop expecting me to have an opinion on it or care or care or care that you're that upset that you got to scream about shit yeah

i might say stuff i don't do anything that's going to hurt anybody.

So your words hurt.

Yeah, well, words can hurt.

Tough shit.

I don't care about your feelings.

I don't.

I just don't.

I don't care about your feelings.

Like, I'm not going to temper everything I say because ooh, maybe this will hurt their feelings.

Ooh, maybe this will offend them.

But what's wrong with you?

What's wrong with tempering and being confused?

What's wrong with walking away?

What's wrong with walking away?

I'm talking about other people that like who.

I don't go out of my way to offend anybody.

But if I say something, it's going to joke.

You're going to dress up as a rapist clown.

Clown Cosby.

Well, that's redundant, rapist Cosby.

No, I'm not going to.

But it just occurred to me as something funny.

But

it was something to me.

Well, because I'm like, how would people react like, oh, my God.

You know how they're going to react.

Right, which is why I don't even have to do it.

I don't have to do it.

But I just like to construct it.

Like, you know, it would be funny if it played out.

I would just like to live in a world where you could do that and then come back to the world where you didn't do it.

Yeah.

But that doesn't really exist.

So what you're saying is you want to do away with consequences?

Yes, yes, thank you.

That's what I'm trying to say.

And that's what a lot of people want a world where there are consequences because for too long, guys who look like me and you get away with doing shit with no consequences.

Well, that day's over, baby.

No, it's not.

You're not for me.

Oh, yes,

you're wrong if you think it's not for you.

You're really, really wrong.

I'm not.

What is anybody going to do to me?

What is anybody going to do?

Doing what I do, assuming I don't go out of my way to be a dickhead to people, which I don't, why should I have to not, like, why can't the person who's offended walk away?

Why do I have to be like, oh, you're offended?

I won't say that then.

It's like, then don't be around me.

Like, Louis C.K., go into the comedy cell.

Now, like, they have, like, people are triggered because Louis C.K.

does comedy.

Fuck you, then don't go into

a comedy club.

If you think that you may be offended by something, anything in that comedy club, then don't go in.

Well, you're talking about the audience, which I audience, yeah.

But what about any female employees of the club?

Hey, it's a comedy club.

It's not a desk job at fucking IBM or it's not, you know, you're not a cashier at Target.

A place where jokes and things like that aren't.

What are you saying then is that

only Target should have a fucking...

But why?

It's their work environment.

Why shouldn't they be safe from sexual pests?

But he's not pestering anyone.

You don't know.

He has a history of doing it.

He has a history of sexually pestering people.

Of course.

Of course he did.

That's why he's doing it.

No, no, no.

I know the story.

But then why are you talking about it?

I'm not buying what they're selling.

Because you're talking about...

So anyone who has ever sexually pestered anyone

should then

not be allowed to put on that stage?

No.

All right.

Close your doors, comedy seller.

Most people.

Yeah, I'm not saying yes.

But saying it's true.

I'm saying you can't dismiss it out of hand.

But then.

And find a new job.

But then this is.

Because that's the way it goes here.

That's like working at a strip club and be like, I'm offended by nudity.

It's like, well, that's the job you have.

But that's not why they're offended, though.

They're not offended by the nudity at the job.

They're offended by that this man

jerked off in front of a couple of willing women.

Well, obviously they must not have been willing then.

Well, no, they weren't willing 15 years later.

I mean, they were willing at the time.

But didn't he derail careers, though?

I don't care.

Comedians, like female comedians.

I I don't know.

I thought you knew the story.

Not that I'm aware.

No, not that I'm aware of.

I never heard of it.

I think that was one of the accusations, though.

Did he derail their

careers?

Like he did things.

Maybe they just weren't funny.

Did anyone ever consider that?

It's probable.

It's probable.

He wasn't accommodating, or he made it difficult for them to come back and get a gig or something at the comedy club because he had that much juice, though.

For them at the time?

Why would he, though?

He had no beef with them until they came out out years later and were like,

Louis C.K.

jerked off in front of us.

But there was people, though, that he supposedly fucked over their careers.

Well, let me see while we're talking, let me see if...

Like, they paid a price

for not putting up with

his bullshit, though.

Right.

With his pestery.

Yeah.

I'm almost positive.

I mean,

you've been calling me out all afternoon, and everything I've been saying was right, meteors.

I didn't say anything about that.

I wasn't even involved in the conversation.

Q's like, I don't think that's true.

And you're like, oh, yeah, it turns out it's not true.

So he contested it.

You were wrong.

I wasn't wrong.

I was titled guy.

I was right.

No, no, no, no.

You said that a meteor, this is going back to a conversation you probably heard 25 minutes ago out of context.

You said that if a meteor falls on your property, that you have to turn it into the government.

And Q said, I don't think that's true.

And then it turns out you can keep it.

You just can't sell it.

You need a permit to sell it.

I thought you could only keep a certain amount of

10 tons of

snow, 10 pounds?

Okay, so let's say a meteor the size of a Buick lands in your backyard.

You can only keep 10 pounds of it.

Well, I don't know.

It says you own it.

So I don't know.

We got to get a meteorite expert in here.

I wish Giddam was here.

No, an expert.

Well, he was wrong.

He was wrong about the first thing he told you.

Yeah, I may have just

mistakenly not heard it correctly.

For what Louis C.K.

did, he's literally never supposed to work again as long as he lives.

No.

I mean, that's what they're saying.

It's like, some on social media see it as no laver.

What I'm saying is that I don't agree.

The audience, to me, in a comedy club doesn't have a right to.

I agree with you.

The culture of a comedy club is such that it's just like, yeah, people are going to pop in.

You're going to hear things that you don't want to hear.

You may hear things that you disagree with.

Don't go to a comedy club if you can't handle it.

That I agree with.

What I'm saying is the idea that female workers in the club don't even get a discussion over the fact that they're forced to work with someone who

has admitted to being like a, you know, a sexual pest.

No, he said sexually irresponsible.

He was irresponsible.

But my point is this: like, what you're saying is

there shouldn't even be a conversation.

Fuck them.

They get another job.

What I'm saying is, like, well, why?

Like,

why should there not be a conversation?

They worked there.

Why does Louis C.K.

have a more of a right to work there than that waitress who's been there four years?

Because if you're agreeing to work in certain environments, you have to accept that there are going to be times when this kind of thing happens.

We can't, every time you get offended by something.

You can't accept this kind of thing happening?

His history?

His history.

He fucking apologized for whatever he did.

He went away for a year or so.

Now he's going to do comedy again.

Fucking relax, man.

Like,

the guy did not rape anyone the guy didn't assault anyone the guy did something that the all the everyone all parties agreed was like creepy it's not against the law to be creepy or sexually irresponsible if he jerked up at any point they could have left they decided not to because they're like wow this is fucking weird they decided not to leave and then it's only after everyone tells them like hey this was wrong that they're like oh this is wrong so now i'm a victim

But I need to be treated with a lot of people.

That's everybody telling them that.

That's social media.

People on social media.

Like gigantic leaps of conclusions

that you make up in your own head, though.

You don't know how they came to those conclusions if they thought it was wrong.

How they came to the conclusion it was wrong.

Who?

The people who were bringing it to light.

You don't know who they are.

Somebody else told them.

You don't know that.

My feeling is, if you're going to be offended by anything, do not go to a comedy club.

If you're that fucking soft, don't go.

My feeling is.

Because you have to know that Louis C.

Kay may show up.

Or just go see comics that you know are go see Jim Gaffigan.

Yeah, the Nick DePaul.

I don't know.

Jim Gaffigan in hot water recently.

How?

He came down on craft beers, talking about how there were too many.

People were offended.

I sent it to Walt.

Yeah, but that's Jim Gaffigan's level of offense.

That's what I'm saying.

People, I think, can handle that.

Some people couldn't.

The craft beer industry was all up in arms.

But what should happen, though,

when who's this guy, C.K., shows up on stage unannounced?

Who's this Louis C.K.?

Is he like the Ariana Grand of comedy or something?

Who the fuck Louis C.K.

is?

And I'm not saying Louis C.K.

shouldn't be allowed to do clubs.

That's not what I'm saying, just to be clear.

But what really, what I would like to see happen, though, is that whole fucking club pour out of there.

He shows up.

They announce.

Why would you want to see that, though?

Why wouldn't you just want to see the people who are offended pour out?

Yeah, so I'm saying the people who pour out, who don't know,

shut the fuck up and leave.

Be like, hey, I didn't know Louis C.K.

was going to be here.

Yep, exactly.

Exactly.

Let the free market decide.

if louis ck shows up and more people stay than leave he won't you be getting gigs then you're okay

then you're okay if more people show up than leave then you're okay if not the people who who don't want to see louis ck are you should you ever get your money back you as a patronage no no if you leave i don't think so comedy clubs are what they are they're drop-ins they're they're changing schedules you're going there for a certain thing i don't think you should get your money back so like you but you're like well i didn't know he was going to be on the card yeah but so what?

Yeah, but like you know that going into the comedy seller, that you don't know who's going to be there.

People just come into the city.

So what about like even if Dice shows up, same thing, and he's doing like really, really raunchy

homosexuals.

I mean, he doesn't really do that anymore, but unless he just

dates after drinking from a water fountain, that a faggot used.

I don't think that's his favorite.

I don't think that would fly today anymore.

I don't think it would fly today.

I think it's what Brian says.

I would fly for like somebody.

I would be like, what is he doing?

Why is he saying this shit?

But let's say he did do it.

Let's say he came back.

The dice man's back and he did that stuff.

And the audience ate it up?

No, the audience, could they conceivably be like, hey, you know what?

I want my money back.

I didn't sign up for this.

They could ask for their money back and the club may choose to give it back.

That's fine.

I don't care either way.

I'm just saying it doesn't seem like if I own the club, I would give it back.

You would or wouldn't?

I would not.

You would not.

Because then you're setting a comedy color.

You're setting a precedent where, like, when I worked in the movie theater, there were people who were like, hey, I didn't like this movie.

I want my money back.

And it's like, fuck you.

You go into it knowing you might not like the movie.

There's no guarantee.

Just like at the comedy seller, there's no guarantee that you're not going to be offended or triggered.

You know what I'd want my money back if I were there and Amy Schumer showed up?

I'd be like, well, she's not fucking funny.

That's a waste of my time.

I want my money back.

Do I deserve it back?

I don't think you'd be entitled to it back.

What's that?

I don't think you'd be entitled to it.

I I wouldn't.

I wouldn't because I go in there knowing that some of those people are not going to be my cup of tea.

Right.

And you don't tell me.

I don't know, maybe.

I know there was a pause.

You looked at me 48 minutes.

Like you were very pleased with yourself.

You want to end it on that?

Because you felt like you had, you were,

I'm not going to get any higher in the soapbox.

Say fucking tell them, Steve, David.

Yeah, getting a nosebleed up here, bro.

Can you hear me from up on top of a mountain?

I am one forty-eight

I am one forty eight

I am

one

forty eight

You can catch me on the real name

Drinking baddie, I still hate

A and I am

I am 148,

I am 148.

Shucking fries move down my face.

I play Pokemon Go all day.

When it's supposed to work, I play.

I tell wolf, whoa, whoa, whoa, it's someday.

Feels like I'm walking on a tightrope.

When I'm around mic, I can't tell a joke.

But when it comes to suddenly chatting, I try to show a video, he sighs under his breath.

We are locked

and we are clocked.

Ow!

Why does Brian Quinn want to be my friend so bad?

It makes me nuts, it makes me mad.

For the sixth time, white is made up of all the colors.

You got me so crazy, I had to look it up, and I found out black's not even a color, motherfucker.

I am one for me.

I'm married, but I still be.

Do you have a website?

I hear I might have to domain.

And if I do, I'm gonna wait for all day.

This has been a production of Smodco Internet Radio, sir, only at at Smodcast.com.