#388: Death and Periods

Your job is to scrub a dude's cock

regardless of his

affliction.

Carrot cake.

No, not carrot cake.

I didn't have hair.

Like a seven-inch cough.

Tell them, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve.

Dave, we're back to the two-man podcast again, Walt.

We were on our way up to

meet Q.

We were going to record from the Stash this week, and he got into a fender bender.

We were going to record at his house, you mean?

We were going to record at his place, yeah.

You said Stash.

Oh, did I?

Yeah.

I said we were going to record at his Stash.

No, you said we were going to record at the Stash.

Oh, no, we were not going to record at the Stash.

Yeah, that's what I meant.

We were on our way up to his place.

And we were going to record there.

And do a live stream, too.

And a live stream.

Both things things

had to be postponed.

Everything got squashed.

He sent us some pictures from the scene, which really looked like

this lady did not get hit at all.

Yeah, you really couldn't see any significant or any damage whatsoever from the picture he sent.

Yeah.

Been any car accidents as of late?

Oh, knock on wood, no.

Any near misses?

I don't think so.

You never know, though, I I guess.

Yeah, I guess not.

I watch those videos on Live Leak and the YNC and shit.

It's astounding

how unlucky some people are.

In terms of you're just driving down the highway.

You're driving down the highway.

And then a car from the other side jumps a median and literally goes right through your windshield.

Yeah, I remember in the summertime, there was that horrific story of a family coming back on vacation and

just wiped out because a car just hopped a divider or hopped the

median, the grass median, came over on their side and head-on collision.

I think only the mother survived, but it's like, is it even surviving when everybody in your family is gone, but now you're all alone and you've got to carry on?

It's just nuts.

What do you do?

What do you fucking do?

Because it was quite a few people, right?

Wasn't it like seven people died and one survived or something like that?

Yeah, it was like three daughters, her husband, and she survived.

I mean, those answers that are not coming from this podcast.

I'm sorry.

No, no, no.

If you're looking, yeah, don't even ask.

Don't even begin to ask such lofty questions.

How do I carry on?

It's like, don't know.

No, I don't know how.

I wouldn't even know.

Like, those are the people

that, like, if they turn to

numbing themselves, like, you know, they're like, yeah, then

you totally get it.

So that's when you would have given me the pass.

I'd have to lose everything and everyone.

And then I could numb myself.

Yeah, you.

Sage, let's go for a drive.

You really, you really like, I don't even know how

it's like, it's so numbing, like sad to see a story like that, but they happen every day.

I mean, all the time.

I saw roads are just so dangerous.

I saw a video of a lady walking down the street.

This is in Mexico or something or a different country.

She's walking down the street and a bus goes by.

And this is

not like a highway.

This is just a normal, like

almost as if we're going through Redbank, just a sort of a suburban street.

And something happens to the tire of the bus.

It like blows out and it shoots this ring

that I guess is part of the inside of the tire.

And it hits her in the head.

It looked like she got hit by a car.

She's walking down the street.

She disappears into a doorway.

Like, because she's walking by a store.

It hits her.

She goes, just, boom, she's gone into the doorway.

Now, if that lady had left home two seconds earlier or two seconds later or whatever, but I mean,

there are so many times I'm like, oh my God, I've got the worst luck.

It's like, nah.

Yeah, you're not even close.

You might be, I mean, you must always look at it the other way.

Like, you got unbelievable luck.

Yeah, really.

When you think about it, I shouldn't even be like, why are you listening to me?

Oh, because I'm lucky.

That's why.

You're right.

I make me the luckiest fucking guy on earth.

Yeah, you really, if you could just turn it around and like think that way, you know.

Yeah, I'll see if I can move to glass half-full territory.

I saw this story.

You may have heard it.

I'm sure everybody, this is the thing, like by the time we record shit, everybody has probably already talked about it.

This guy in Arizona who faked having Down syndrome.

Did you hear about this guy?

No.

Arizona man fakes having Down syndrome, hires a woman to bathe him and changes changes diapers.

Now, here's a picture of the dude, right?

Yeah.

I mean, you wouldn't like for, yeah, you could pay, you could.

He's got the, like, the

characteristic of, like, the round sort of moon face.

Uh, his eyes look a little lazy, but I don't think that's a characteristic of Down syndrome.

Otherwise, you'd be like, he's just like a relatively unattractive dude.

But he's 31

and he was arrested on fraud and sexual abuse charges.

He posed as a woman named Amy on a caregiver site called CareLinks.com saying she needed assistance with her adult son.

So he's pretending to be his mom.

Yes, okay.

All right.

Three caregivers.

Okay, go ahead.

I'm just curious, like, so that's a crime?

As long as he paid, does it matter if he really has down?

Well, three caregivers, all women, were hired to care for him at various points over the summer, with the first woman saying she bathed and assisted him 30 times.

So but the fraud is that, like, I guess they wouldn't have taken the job if they knew he was capable of changing his own diaper.

I guess so.

They took the diaper.

Well, I don't think he needs to wear a diaper.

Well, it says that he says he has to wear it to change his diaper, right?

Yeah, but I don't think he needed to wear it.

So, this is some sort of fetish thing that he likes.

Okay, but

so I guess you could see fraud, but is that a criminal?

Because it's like he's he paid for the service.

That would be like going like to if I went to the doctor and said, My, I got a,

I just like, you know, someone to

touch my toes, and I'm like, hey, man, I think my toe is broken.

But

so then he would look at it and touch it.

He's look at it and touch at it, touch it, and like kind of maybe like massage it or something.

Yeah, if that were to turn you on sexually, then that would be a thing.

It would be a crime, huh?

Yeah.

He asked the caregivers to meet him at restaurants to change his dirty diapers in the public bathroom.

Oh, well, that's a, well, that's got to be a tip-off right there.

I mean, he can't be driving.

Well, it didn't say he drove.

It just said that

he asked caregivers to meet him.

Like, how is he asking them, though?

All three nurses said that he became aroused during the baths.

And the caregiver said, quote, Amy, end quote, the mom, texted them telling them to punish him if he soiled his diaper.

This guy's got a whole thing fucking going on.

The first caregiver became suspicious and followed him home earlier this month and met his parents.

She discovered he did not have Down syndrome and not required diaper changes.

Said that in a court appearance that he has special needs and a low-level IQ.

My mom and dad both have paperwork to prove that.

I mean, which is more embarrassing?

That you're busted for getting somebody to change your dirty diapers, or you have to go into court and be like, I'm legally dumb.

I don't know.

I'm still like.

I mean, I guess you feel,

I mean, do the workers feel violated?

I mean they're okay doing that as long as they're

well as long as it's somebody who really needs to help, not somebody who's using them as a prostitute, basically.

I mean that's what it comes down to, right?

Because they're like, I want to get into this to help people who can't help themselves.

And this guy's like, wait a second, there's a workaround here.

I mean,

you could make the argument that

there's no, but he needs somebody to do it.

No one's going to do it.

So like he this is a service that that's not legal, though.

No.

I guess this isn't either.

Yeah, but evidently, this isn't illegal either.

Yeah, I just wouldn't think that that would be, as long as I thought as long as he paid

whatever the fee was for

this care,

I wouldn't think that

he had done something that would be, you know, get him in some sort of legal jeopardy.

Yeah.

I'd be wrong, though.

I'm going to go ahead and make the leap and assume he doesn't have many friends.

But if you have friends, and this is the kind of thing you get busted doing,

how do you turn around?

And

it's embarrassing, right?

If it's embarrassing, if I got to go into the stash and Mike and get him know that

I was just released on bond and I'm just find it out.

Yeah, because

I was at Denny's and there was some caregiver changing my diaper.

It'd be tough to

face them.

They walked in in, and you're in the bathroom like on that baby changing thing that's hanging off the wall.

It would be very difficult to face them.

And I mean, I guess you just had to come to him: like, hey, it's what I'm into.

You gotta face it head on.

You gotta be like, this is what I'm into.

Yeah, I mean, I'm proud of it, but it's a fetish.

We all have fetishes.

Right, get them.

Come on.

Try to turn it on.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Who are you to look down on me?

Yeah, with that lump on your wrist, you son of a bitch.

Yeah, fucking people are like,

I don't quite get it, man.

I don't quite get

like the like what you have to go through to get someone to do this.

Do you feel bad for him a little that he's like, this is my thing and it's not going to be easy?

Because it's not like I'm a super handsome guy.

I mean, if you're handsome, can you pull it off?

I'll bet you like.

You can find women that are like, if you're a good-looking guy and you're like, well, all right, this is what I'm into.

You tell them what you're into.

You're like,

I guess if you're like affleck level,

you could find hot women who will even do that for you.

Because he's also famous.

Yes.

Right.

So maybe being good-looking isn't enough.

You also have a little bit of fame.

You got to have the perfect combo of fame and looks to pull that off, which this guy unfortunately had.

He had neither.

He's famous.

Well, he's famous now.

Well, I mean, I don't know if that's famous.

Infamous.

Sucks for him, too, though, is that in the world of 2018, is that it goes across the world so quick, and his picture's all over the place.

It's okay to shame him for this.

I think so, yeah, especially since he, you know, if he was deceptive.

He did it also to women, too, which is definitely a novel.

In today's world, it seems like anything

over a woman's eyes.

I mean,

I would be fucking, I don't know.

I mean, if I was, if my job was to change adults' diapers, though,

and I found out that one of my clients could change his own diaper.

Or didn't need to wear a diaper to begin with.

I don't know.

I personally, I'm like, if I'm doing that anyway, and

that's part of

what I offer, do I service?

I don't know if I would be that

aghast.

Well, here's the thing, though.

They're like, I could be helping someone who really needs it.

Right, I get it.

And you're soiling your diaper on purpose, bro.

And the and i mean who's to say that like they they don't see a arousal

uh when their legitimate people are uh getting they must right they must if your job is to scrub a dude's cock

regardless of his

affliction right he's probably gonna get an arousal yeah

i guess that i guess it's

you

compartmentalize how you say that word compartmentalize you that and you just don't even uh don't even like

you're not thinking that far ahead you're just like i'm gonna shit in this diaper and this lady's gonna clean it and then i'm gonna get aroused i mean but he really wanted it i mean his

he was committed

pretending that he's someone else and being like punish him so it wasn't just like the changing it's like now you got to punish him too

they don't say what the punishment is definitely freak show but yeah

i don't know i mean if he does jail time i'll be like stunned.

I'm not saying he shouldn't.

I mean, if that's the law, but like, wow, if he goes to jail for this,

I mean, he might find somebody

in jail that might want to change his diaper.

A lot of people.

He'll pick somebody out, and then, yeah, they're changing his fucking diaper.

I wonder what Gave It Away.

Every story is the same.

But I think Gave It Away is like

the first victim said that he told her his genitals were not clean enough on five different occasions.

That must have been his favorite.

Yeah, I guess, because if you're if you need that service,

you can't tell how clean they are.

You wouldn't be able to like

weigh in.

I'm like, you need to clean those better.

Just like

I have not been involved, knockwood, in a tragic car accident, and I'm like, yeah, I am pretty lucky.

This is not my job.

That's also lucky that I don't have to do this job where they're like, wipe this ass.

Some people fucking go for it.

I don't understand it, man.

I don't have that kind of, I'll be honest.

I don't have the kind of caring for other people that I'm like, let me go help a ton of streets.

That's the next level of caring right there.

And there's people that...

God's work, as they say.

Yeah.

And your mom, a nurse?

She is a nurse, but she worked in the nursery with the baby.

She had to wipe butts there.

Little butts, though, a little tiny butt.

I mean, it's just a littler, tinier butt when you get right down to it.

Yeah, without pubes and fucking erections and all kinds of stuff.

But when you have oil, when you boil it down,

still a butt.

It's still a butt.

It's just a little bit smaller than that dude's.

Yeah.

Maybe he should be his lawyer.

Your honor.

Yeah.

Let me submit that his ass is just jumbo-sized compared to a baby.

Therefore,

if that diaper doesn't fit, you must have quit.

But I think the tip-off should have been when he was in a restaurant.

Because

you would do that in public, in a public restroom, and that the caregiver or whoever is meeting there

isn't like, well, this cannot be done in a public restroom.

Yeah, and did they go into the men's or the ladies' room, I wonder?

Yeah, you're right.

Wait, wait, because she would have to, she would have, she's a female, so she wouldn't be allowed in the men's room.

He's a male, you wouldn't be allowed in the female restroom.

That's where a target and anything goes.

Oh, really?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, Target, you can.

I think you can use whatever bathroom you're feeling.

So there's no, well, there are still symbols on the doors, though.

Still symbols on the door.

But you're allowed to ignore them if you feel like it.

I didn't know that.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

There's been so there's been a rash of so if you walk into

a restaurant and you see that

cleansing going on like I walk into the men's room.

You and I just went to Red Robin.

I walk into the Red Robin restroom and there's a dude bent over and a lady wiping his ass.

Yeah,

I turn right around.

I'm like, dude, you're not going to believe what's going on.

I I would be pretty stunned and aghast at because that should not be an activity that's done in public.

That dude, that's the red flag that

he's not at home with a mother, like with a caregiver at home.

Yeah, that he's out and about and like, hey, need my ass wiped.

It's like, you seem to be able to do all this other stuff on your own.

I met you here.

So you got here somehow.

Yeah, that's the red.

That's the one that like every caregiver caregiver should have been like, no.

No.

I mean,

how many other clients do they have that are able to get to a restaurant?

Yeah, usually with that kind of care, it's someone who's like profoundly fucked up, that like they're in one of those wheelchairs or something.

They can't do shit on their own.

Although Pam did work in a nursing home for a while, too, so she had to have wiped some old wrinkly asses, I'm sure.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

Would you rather go, like, than like, then you're in a nursing home and they're like, all right, flip over and like then they have to wipe your ass.

Would you ever be like, just come on, man?

It's a tough question, man.

These are the questions, you're asking the questions that this podcast is not equipped with.

Yeah, these are all death questions.

I mean,

I don't want to die.

And if, like, I'm still want to be like, if even if I'm like bedridden, I'd still want to watch like sports and stuff.

Yeah.

So I'm like, if it's, is that a matter of like, I just got to have someone, some stranger, take care of my

one and two?

oh man it's it's so

so degrading but you like

i still don't want to i still unless i'm in like horrific if that's the only thing that's wrong with me i just need someone to do that though i would be like

yeah i still want to i'm still i still want to be here then even though i'm i can't you've got all your faculties yeah this that's the one thing you can't do but it's because you're hyper obese you're 700 pounds

but but as you get older like

some of the older people who listen will know this, some of the fucking younger people, you'll find out.

As you get older, you do have to be like, hey, can you help me with this?

Like, for me, it's like some, if I forget my glasses and I'm at a restaurant, it's like, you got to tell me what's on this menu.

I can't see it.

I fucking literally cannot see it.

I have a relative

who slipped and he fell and broke both arms.

broke both elbows or something

and um when you break both elbows,

you need somebody to.

You're in that double cast.

Oh, you need somebody to get your, your.

It's a guy.

Yeah.

Oh, so you need somebody to get it out for him.

Get one out.

His dick?

You like to take a piss?

Everything.

Oh, wipe your ass.

Oh, that.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, shit.

That's what the Down syndrome faker should have done.

Just broke both his elbows.

Yeah, because

I, too, didn't like, that didn't hit me until someone told me.

Walt, you got to go wipe his ass.

Wait, what?

It didn't dawn on me when I was just like, oh my God, you're right.

He would need help to do everything until he's out of those casts.

You don't expect me to not jerk off, right?

Come on now.

Wow, yeah.

So, and he was on the outs with his,

because you would expect your wife to do it, right?

It's like, you know, for better or worse, this unfortunately is the worst.

I never thought it was going to come, but here we are.

Um,

but it's but he was on the outs with his wife, so he could only turn to two other people.

Parents, I'd be like, Parents, I won't wipe my ass until my elbows heal.

It's gonna be unpleasant for a lot of people for quite a while.

Parents and brother, oh, God.

So, you're telling me you don't love your brother enough?

Eric's like, bro,

it's only five months, and then I'm out of this cast.

Five Five months.

I'm like,

what happened to his wife?

They're on the outs?

They're on the outs.

I'm devising a system.

I'm not digging my hand in there, but I will get like, you know, like those scrubbers that you wash your back with in the shower.

I'm going to like, like, kind of like the Simpsons, he's like, I wash my silver with a rag on a stick.

Like, it's going to be something like that.

Where I'm going to, I have to keep a distance.

You know?

At a certain point, though, it's your brother.

And you probably did it when he was younger.

Again, they're going right.

Little ass.

We're going right back to like, you did it when you were.

Spider-Last versus big ass, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, what's the difference at this point?

I know there's a big difference, but like in the grand scheme of things, can't you just like stop worrying about your hang-ups?

Listen to you.

Listen to you.

Can't you just, for once, not look at it from your body?

I've never been so happy I didn't have a brother.

I know I said I wanted a brother.

In this moment, so glad.

I feel like

every time I did it, I I would be like, you're an asshole, man.

Like, why the fuck were you, like, whatever, however, he broke his elbows, I'm like, why were you doing that?

He was at work.

He just slipped and he couldn't get his arms down in time.

I was like, prostitute to do this.

He can't afford someone to come in and do it all.

But he was uninsured.

No, goddamn him.

So would you...

Would you step up or would you be like, Pam,

it's your son?

It's your son.

Oh,

I would be a last resort for sure.

Oh, yeah, because Pam would do it.

And I would be like, hey, you got to do this.

This poor guy.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Pam would definitely do it.

How do you cope with that?

Right.

Like, how do you cope with that?

Especially since Eric would be like, on five separate occasions, you didn't clean it enough.

I hope Eric's listening right now.

Because I'm sure he's never thought he would be the subject of

his mother.

Yeah, wiping his ass because he's got two broken elbows.

Now you're in a, you're in a.

Hello, hello, Sage.

Hey, what's up, little one?

Want to come say hi to Walt?

I was just about to say something that I shouldn't say in front of a young sage.

Hello.

Hey.

How are you?

Good.

How are you?

You want to sit down with us for a minute?

No, okay.

I got to ask you a question.

That is it.

Hold on.

Come here.

Sit down with us for a second.

Oh, yes.

And hold this microphone.

Okay.

You got it?

Yep.

Okay.

Let's say Data fell, right?

Oh, no.

Let's say Data fell and he broke both his elbows.

And then he couldn't wipe his own butt.

Would you help me out?

Uh, yeah.

You would?

You're so nice.

That's a saint.

You're a nice kid.

Yeah.

I think, though, that you could lose her, though, if you do that.

Oh, yeah.

They're like, your shit was healed up like six months ago.

You You try the kids.

I think that, uh, yeah, I think that that would be highly

responsible.

Yeah.

Yeah, they're like, so wait, you have insurance.

There are other adults around.

Like, your mom, you said on the podcast, your mom would do it.

Yeah.

You're a good kid, though, huh?

Oh, yeah.

You give me a hammock.

Yeah, I do give you hamburgers.

Is that all you care about are hamburgers?

I usually.

I have a microphone already.

You're not interviewing me.

How's school going?

Good.

Yeah.

I get 10.

You get 10s every day.

She gets a there's like a check system.

Oh, yeah, 10s the best.

10 star.

Yeah, like she can get one out of 10, 2 out of 10.

I heard you got a 7.

Yeah.

No.

I get 10.

I kind of, I kind of was in the classroom.

I thought I saw a 7 by your name.

Nope.

I'm a four.

You got a four?

You got a four once?

Yeah, so far it's been tens across the board.

I test seven, guys.

What?

I'm full of money.

You got a four for your name?

Yeah.

How come?

You didn't spell it right?

I did.

I'll spell it.

How'd you spell it?

S

A

G E.

Yeah?

I wipe.

I.

Hey, do you want to give somebody some advice?

Let's see.

What if I had a problem?

Let's see.

Okay.

Matt Graves wants to know: how do I know if a girl likes me?

Kiss it.

If she gives him a kiss, then she likes him?

Yeah.

Or what if she likes him and she's shy?

Maybe she doesn't want to just give him a kiss.

I'll be shy.

Oh, you would give him a kiss at the dance?

Yeah.

All right.

That's pretty good.

All right, Matt Graves.

That's how you know.

If you go to the dance and

you get a kiss.

Yep.

Here's another guy.

What should I get my wife for her birthday?

Oh, yes.

What kind of birthday gift do girls like?

Erwin.

Earrings.

Earrings.

That's pretty good.

That's pretty good.

Fancy earrings?

Yeah.

Diamond earrings.

Oh, diamond earrings?

Yeah.

Six months' salary.

Yeah, Tiffany's, baby.

Wobsy says, what's the best food to eat for dessert?

Cake.

Cake?

Cake.

Kind of flavor of cake.

A flavor of cake.

You like chocolate?

Uh.

Vanilla.

Chocolate cake?

Frosty cake?

Soap cake?

Ice cream cake.

I say, vanilla.

Vanilla cake?

Yeah.

What kind of frosting?

Uh.

Carrot cake.

No, not carrot cake.

That makes your eyes strong, your carrot cake.

Yeah, you'll be able to see into the future if you eat enough carrots.

Uh, maybe carrots some more.

You don't like carrots?

Nella, carrots.

Okay,

this guy's 33 and he's not married.

Should he get married or should he stay single?

Should everybody get married or should some people not get married?

Yes, Mart.

Should get married?

Mm-hmm.

Is it great to be married?

Are you going to get married?

Better

watch your answer.

Dad, I'm not going to like it.

You think you're going to get married?

Yes.

You think so, huh?

I married to

Prince James.

Prince James?

Yes.

Still Still Prince James, huh?

We were

we went to Perkins the other day and you uh you thought our waiter was cute, right?

And you liked the waiter, and then I pointed out other boyfriends you could have.

Remember they were like real old, like 80 years old.

Remember all the old men I said you could date them?

You didn't like that though.

It was pretty funny.

Perkins is the greatest place to do that because everyone is 80 pretty much.

Yeah, they're a a little bit slower clientele over there in Perkins.

Yeah.

So, let's see.

Maybe one more thing, all right?

We'll let you give one more piece of advice.

Oh, this is a good one for you.

Do you believe in magic?

Yes.

You do.

I do.

The other day, she came home yesterday from school.

Well,

she goes upstairs.

She comes down with her pajamas and her iPad and stuff.

And she tells me she's going to Pam's house.

She's going to grandma's, right?

That's what you told me.

Yeah, fuffa.

Miss Gwiz was coming to get you, you said.

Miss Gwiz is her teacher.

Okay.

Miss Gwiz is coming to get her.

The reason she's coming to get her is because the night before, this is from her.

The night before, the teacher snuck into the house, stole her magic book, and then was going to use it to perform dark magic on me and her.

So she had to get out of the house.

Start gas leak at the front of the house.

You'd think so.

You really would think so.

It doesn't sedate anyone, though.

It just makes it fucking crazy.

Crazy hallucinations.

Yeah.

Did you talk to Gwiz today?

Did you get your magic book back?

Or does she still have it?

I have to have it.

She still has it?

Hocus, pocus.

No, no, no, pocus.

Abra cadabra.

No,

not that.

What kind of spells do you think your teacher would put on you?

Master match in my hand.

What is wait?

Magic, magic in your hand.

No, not to say.

Goee, goey.

Papas us.

So a soa.

No, papa's us.

I don't know what that is.

Is that magic?

Magic incantations?

Yeah.

What does it do?

Turn people into frogs and stuff?

No.

No?

Uh, the magic.

Alright.

What do you like better, Christmas or Halloween?

Halloween!

Halloween's better?

Yes.

Yeah, you are, my kid.

Brittany wants to know what should she do if she comes in contact with a zombie?

If she meets up with a zombie, what should she do?

Just run away screaming?

Yeah.

All right.

There you go.

That's something.

All right.

Thanks for dropping by and giving advice.

We appreciate it.

Bye.

All right.

See you later, bud.

You're going to drop the mic?

Nice.

Nice.

You can't, baby.

So before she came down, what were you going to say?

I don't remember.

Because

we were talking about wiping butts.

Oh, I was going to say

you're kind of in

relatively new relationship.

Is this a relationship strong enough to handle a Brian Johnson with two broken arms and someone has to wipe butts?

Absolutely.

Is it strong enough to handle a Mary Beth with two broken arms?

Absolutely not.

It's a one-way street, huh?

Oh, it always is.

Yeah,

I mean, I don't think anyone would be super excited about it.

I don't know.

I knew Florence Nightingale would run the other way.

Is that the one?

What's the Nightingale?

Like, there was a nurse, a famous nurse, right?

Yeah, that was her.

Yeah, Florence Nightingale.

I thought, well, who's the Nightingale that was with the Pips then?

Gladys Knight.

Gladys Knight and the Pips.

Okay, Gladys Knight, Florence Nightingale.

All right, I mean, I maybe have him at Nightingale's.

Yeah, I think that kind of sleek is getting to you.

You know what I did have to go through recently?

Something that I knew was coming.

Something I asked other people to

prepare her for.

Oh, I don't know.

They saved this for space monkeys.

Yeah, you know what I'm saying?

I know, yeah,

no, thank you.

I'd rather talk about death.

No.

Good God.

I think everybody gets it.

Everybody gets it, but I did what I had to do.

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Oh, okay.

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Damn, I like this aluminum edition.

I'm looking, holy shit, $4.95.

That's a lot.

Don't say that.

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That's worth it, though.

I mean, it's going to last you forever.

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I'll just use a garbage bag before I'll go buy

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Wait a minute, that's not us, right?

We don't have video.

We can't fucking get video rolling.

No matter what we do.

Somehow it fucking eludes us.

I like these things too because you can like the smaller ones you can plug your phone into.

So when you go to the airport and everybody's like crowded around the

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They don't make it easy.

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Like I'm going through all this crap to wade through here.

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And back to the show, or actually back to the ad, I guess.

I don't know.

I can't remember where this is going.

Speaking of video live stream,

I don't know if it, I know, I don't want to say, I don't want to be,

I don't want to say something that may or may not happen, but

this would have been the last live stream that we would have been responsible for, I think.

Or maybe there is one more.

I can't recall.

No, it's just this one.

But but the second cycle of Patreon is coming up October November and December

a lot of new changes a lot of new I think in my opinion better offerings for the Patreon subscribers

we're gonna do away with the live streams right yeah well we went over it and it's like I mean the two live streams they were let's not kid ourselves yeah that's why like this one was had we done it

we don't even know if it would have worked we still don't know if it would have worked but it was set up so that it had the best chance of working of the three it was a different platform and it was going to be a hardwired line so we weren't depending on Wi-Fi.

But yeah,

you and I have spoken about it and there are certain things in there where like this doesn't reflect a good value for people so we want to give more valuable stuff.

You can discontinue your Patreon thing at any time if you're like, well, fuck this.

I wanted to live stream.

But I think, in my opinion, you're going to be getting much, much better content than a live stream.

That's choppy as shit.

Right.

You may or may not be on.

And then seeing stuff that, like, and seeing us stare at a screen and read people's responses.

Us just go, oh, they can't see us.

Oh, it's too low.

Oh, the audio swap.

25% of the time is like just reading people being like, here's the problem.

I'm not doing with it.

That's what you were paying for to see us read that.

And I feel I hated it.

So

in in my opinion, what we're offering instead come the second cycle, October, November, December, is

better

video content, video podcasts, like a Frank Five

podcast, a video podcast in lieu of a live stream that's going to be over 35 minutes.

Well, here's the thing too.

It's not just a video podcast like, say, we were doing the live stream podcast.

This is a polished, produced

production.

There's some shit in it that's so fucking funny.

I don't know how much you want to talk about it.

Well, I mean, it's going to be, and I think we can talk about it because I think people need to know that, like, we are going to up the ante a little bit here.

We're going to put some of the money that we got for the first cycle into the second cycle with production values,

just cool shit.

We're, you know, we're investing in

the production of these new things we're going to try.

Frank Five, it's called Frank Five's Rewind, right?

Yeah.

Is that what it's called?

And it's a podcast video slash video cast about retro TV.

Unlike any

videocast I think that's out there.

We're trying some different things.

And

you may like it, you may not like it, but we're definitely trying something different, though.

You'll at least be able to hear it and see it.

Yes.

And, you know, going green screen, screen, just doing shit that, like, I'm excited for.

And I love.

Like, like video content behind us popping up.

It's like, it's, it's very, it's pretty polished.

It's, uh, Chuck's doing all the

skating.

Yeah, but I, I love involving

other members of the TSD universe, and especially a guy like Frank Five.

I think he's really fun to be around.

And he,

people seem to dig him.

And he came up with the concept of doing, he wanted to do a podcast on retro TV.

Yeah.

A while ago, he brought it up to me.

And then

I said, well, why don't we do a video cast and do some really cool shit in it?

We're doing, so that's going to be in lieu of a live stream.

We're also doing

some

virtual reality

podcast where with the Baron Von Flanagan and

you and Q are going to be characters in this virtual reality.

I won't give too much away with it, but it's fucking awesome, too.

It looks really cool.

It's 3D.

It's

really like it's pretty.

I don't know if it's virtual reality in terms of like you could put goggles on.

No, I think it's more like you would say like it's more like

Toy Story type.

Yeah, like that's what it is.

And the concept I'm really excited about too, because it's just Pixar level.

It is.

It looks like it at times.

At times, I'm like, damn, this is so freaking cool that I'm like, I can't believe that we're able to do this.

But because of these, because of the Patreon subscribers, we were.

Yeah, for the guy that I was talking to on Twitter, that at first I was like, I went against my instincts and I answered him in a polite and calm way.

And then he had more fucking problems.

So I was like, asshole, you're not just paying for fucking podcasts.

It's like, we're putting a whole bunch of money back into like video and shit and

doing things that we wouldn't have been able to do because obviously the stuff's not free.

So, like, now we can make more stuff that we want to make.

And people will, again, like I said, people will get more bang for their book rather than just staring at us on a fucking screen, like a weird profile shot and shit.

To me,

maybe we'll do live streams here and there if we get it fucking locked down.

But, you know, maybe we'll live stream an episode.

Who knows?

I know people dig that.

I think that they

were excited.

Some people were, not everybody, but some people were like, oh, I can interact with them.

You know, but that's very, very overrated interacting with us.

Ask the people who do.

Ask anyone.

Yeah.

Ask her on a daily basis.

They're not really that great.

Yeah.

We've got, we're also doing this thing once a month called

Enhanced TSD, where we take one episode, we film it, and we enhance it.

The first in October, it's going to be the Halloween episode.

Filmed it.

Going to add special effects to it.

Going to do it all up.

It's going to be awesome.

And that Enhanced TSD is going to go to the $5 tier.

So everybody's going to get a chance to see Enhanced TSD in October.

There's so much cool stuff coming down the pike.

So many different things.

And if you just, hey, if you can't afford to do the higher levels to get those videos, still going to get your four weekly audio podcasts, you know, puck nuts.

Sunday Jeff shows

you knocking it out of the park lately.

We recorded one the other day.

Sunday Jeff, at a certain point, I thought he was having a stroke.

He couldn't read a cue card.

That's what people love.

They want to see that

level that just

on the verge of a stroke.

That's where he's at his best.

Yeah.

Like muttering, looking down, not like making eye contact.

Oh, I want to tell you about this.

I want to break this here too.

Tidbits.

Tidbits has been, I think,

the one podcast that has tried to find its

divisive somehow.

Yeah,

it's the one pod

out of the four that seems to have found

been the most difficult to find a middle ground where people dig it.

But

coming next week, I don't know how it's happening already, but it should have premiered

in October with the rest of the October lineup.

But it's going to come next week.

Chris Ledondo

has a little segment

that he's been begging me to do.

It's called May I Propose a Roast?

Oh, really?

I know it's Ledondo, it's either roasting or fucking complaining about Trump shit or whatever or complaining about Staten Island shit.

It's a very short segment.

Like tidbits I thought could be kind of like literally tidbits.

And

I think this is a cool concept.

Like we'll just throw anything goes on tidbits.

We'll have still have clips of

me, you, and Q

doing, but then we'll fill it out with tidbits of just stuff that like it has no real home, but like people could still dig.

I know Maxwell wanted to do something.

I I would like Maxwell to do something.

Bring him back into the fold.

He's been gone for too long.

But I think, you know, he's going to roast any number of people?

It's only like a minute and 30 seconds, a minute and 30 seconds long in this segment.

I asked him to do more, but I think he just wants to start out with a minute 30.

All right.

And it's a

three-month try, like not tryout, but he's signed for it.

Yeah, he's been signed for three months.

We'll see how he does.

He's three months because the October, November, December.

And if people dig it,

the, if we get the good feedback from this, you know, we could become a regular segment on tidbits.

Who knows?

To try to predict the public and what they want is impossible because there was a complaint that, like, with tidbits, they're like, I just want little bits.

I don't want like a whole nother episode of you fucking idiots.

I'm like, what?

And then they're like it.

Yeah, and then they're like, I don't want tidbits.

I want longer snippets.

And I'm like, you don't know what to do.

I'm going to try to, I mean, let's get LaDondo.

He'll know what to do.

But I'm going to try to do a thing that I've wanted to do for a while, but I didn't want to do it as its own thing.

But maybe if I do a real short segment of it, a thing with my girls called Father Flanagan.

Okay.

I'm going to try it.

And I don't know if it's going to go good.

Because I hate to be that guy that's like shoving their kids down people's throats.

Sage, come back.

I need you to talk about something.

Give some advice, maybe.

I didn't mean it that way.

But I hate to be that person, though, that like, my kids are awesome.

My kids are like, my kids deserve.

They don't really deserve to be heard they don't no kid does no but i but i've gotten some feedback that people dig it so i'm gonna do like this

people really like the ads 10 minute little thing called father flanagan i know it's an that's why ladondo is cut down to 90 seconds like my daughters want

your daughters are gonna bump them off to this

but i'm like i'm like i don't want to be that guy but like i i love the name because i because like i know there's nobody listening right now maybe Frank Five, because he's so, but, like, nobody gets the Father Flanagan reference.

He was like a 1940s priest who, like, who founded Boys Town.

You're talking to the guy who does, yeah.

Yeah, so I'm like, oh my God, that's that's awesome.

What a great, what a great podcast name, you know, because it ties into that.

But I'm sure nobody gets that, that it's Father Flanagan.

Well, you're telling me people don't know what the fucking Columbine is.

Father Flanagan, no, probably not.

But yeah, so we're going to try that in the next tidbit.

So we're going to try, just

we're not going to rest on our our laurels.

We're going to provide like

some experimental

content.

You may love it.

You may hate it.

Maybe a little bit.

And you can always, yeah, voice your opinion because we definitely want to know.

It's like if you're not into

certain things.

Is this racist?

Where would people go to sign up, though?

Oh, sorry.

If you haven't joined up or if you're thinking about canceling or dropping down,

obviously this was just to let people know that, like, we hope, you hope you stick around or you hope you stay at

your levels.

If you can, if you can't, we understand that too.

But there's some better stuff coming down the pike than the first cycle.

And the first cycle was good, I thought, but there's better stuff coming because we figured it out a little bit and

we looked at the concept and we looked at the

potential to do even

more

experimental content, I think.

And

that's what excites me, just to try different things.

And now we can.

What do we got here?

Yeah.

We got.

Let's see.

Hold on a second here.

BQ.

Yo.

How you doing, baby?

All right.

Oh, yeah.

Great.

I'm awesome.

Did you just get home?

I just got home.

So about 15 minutes ago.

15 minutes ago.

Okay, so it was a good three and a half hours that you were.

You sent us the pictures.

You can't even see a scrape on this car.

Not a dick.

I took close-up photos.

You still can't see it.

And you told Walt that this woman insisted on calling the cops, yet she didn't have car insurance.

She did not have car insurance.

What do the police say to this?

What do the police say to a situation like that?

We got to write her a ticket.

They go, now we have to write her a ticket.

And

I'm like, well, how much is the ticket?

He's going, it's going to be more than the fucking bumper.

The Costco.

Yeah, that's an expensive ticket.

Like, you can get your license revoked for that.

Yeah, it was pretty good.

I actually talked them out of giving her a ticket.

I was like, please do not do that.

Please.

I was like, she is a maniac.

And they were good.

He was like, dude, you know what?

You're lucky?

He's like, you're lucky she didn't roll out of that car holding her neck.

And I was like, but I was like, I barely moved the car.

He's like, It doesn't matter.

You go, it happens almost every single car accident.

And then when they wrote up the accident report, they made sure to note that she was not injured.

He was like, Just if she finds out who you are, suddenly she's gonna have back problems.

Right.

Oh, she didn't know, she didn't recognize you?

No, no, she didn't really have a firm grasp on the English language.

So I don't think she was

the Jokers doesn't have a sap button.

Maybe.

In real life?

No, that SAP button on your remote where you hit the SAP button, it goes into

Spanish.

Yeah, yeah.

No, but I'm saying.

Oh, wait.

Yeah, I'm sure it does, yeah.

Hey, I don't know.

I know for football it does.

Sorry.

Because you weren't a football player.

Yeah, she was just miserable, man.

She was just a miserable woman.

And I get it.

Like, you know,

they're in the wrong.

Like, I, I, my car crazed our bumper completely in the wrong.

I, and I, but I got out of the car, walked up to her window.

I was like, I am so sorry.

I was like, if there's any damage in the lust that I will pay for it, absolutely 100%.

She would have rolled down the window.

She saw me, she's giving me dirty looks.

She's saying, I'm calling the cop.

And I hear her on the phone, and she's staring at me.

And she's like, he's wearing tan pants.

He's got black hair.

Like, just come.

I was like, why is she describing me at a fucking

accident stop?

In case you tried taking off.

Yeah, but then, you know, what would be more useful than that is my license plate.

I mean, she was just like

miserable and angry.

And like, we waited for the cops for almost two hours.

The entire time, anytime she looked at me, she gave me the dirtiest look.

And again, I get it.

I have inconvenienced you.

I have damaged your car.

you know but the damage wasn't that bad and and i was so nice off the bat and i don't know i was just like all right whatever lady Whatever.

I was asking Walt, like, what would have happened if you just left?

If you were like, look, here's my license.

Here's my information.

I'm not going to fucking hang around here all day.

I considered doing that, but then I was like, well, who am I going to trust with my license?

And you know what I mean?

Oh, that's true.

Now she has all your personal information.

Yeah.

The cops came up and they were like, Q.

I was like, no, no, no.

I was like, keep it on the down low.

And she was like, like it was in the middle lane.

And like, dude, her car didn't even fucking move when I touched it.

Like, it's insane.

So I, so I was in the middle lane and and I saw going to my car.

And I'm like, we got to move over because it's rush hour in Brooklyn and there's only three lanes.

I'm going to take it in the middle one.

She's like, I'm not moving my car.

And I was like, I'm like, yeah, we got to move the car.

She's like, I want pictures before we move the car.

I was like, lady, I was like, I'm telling you, I'm admitting I did it.

I was like, I'm telling you, pull over.

It's going to be fine.

The cops aren't going to care.

Nobody's going to care.

I didn't want to tell her I was a fireman that I did this a billion times.

You know, people do that bullshit thing where they just leave their cars in the middle of the road.

Yeah, and then

now they're going to come and set up fucking forensic to evidence on a car accident.

Fucking morons.

Anyway, I was exceedingly polite to this fucking dope.

And she was not nice to me.

You know, again, I was wrong, so she shouldn't have been, I guess.

But there's wrong, and then there's like, come on.

Like, this, if this hasn't happened to you in New York, a little tap on the bumper, it's pretty surprising.

Happens to everyone at some point.

Yeah, I mean,

I don't know.

It's such a weird thing because I'm 100% the wrong,

but I'm still, but I still feel like the aggrieved party.

Well, she's still, like, how little does she have to do that?

She's like, I'm willing to sit around for three hours to get this taken care of

sorry and it was a toy on a camry and i you know i got the new the new uh wrangler with the steel bumpers on it yeah and uh so like my car was like didn't even have a scuff on that

well there's a silver lining to this uh walt and i were talking and uh he refuses to talk about sage getting her first period so me and you can talk about it on space monkeys

okay oh i didn't want to talk about it now for a little bit i was settling in yeah

walt doesn't want to hear it He won't talk about death or periods on this episode.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

We had something really fun planned tonight.

And because of my clownish buffoonery,

it is getting pushed to next week.

I was bummed because I was really looking forward to it.

Are you going to be available next week?

Yeah, definitely a night next week I'm available.

Awesome.

I felt bad for you because

I know what you must feel like when you're leaving and you're like, fuck yeah, man, I'm on my way home.

Gonna fucking hang out with those guys.

We'll do some Tom Steve Dave.

And then it's like, ding, and the night's over for you.

Yeah, it is fucked up.

And my morning started out finding out one of my cats had gotten out in the middle of the night and I saw him on a nest cam at 3 a.m.

So, so I didn't know where the fuck he was.

And he's out, you're not an outdoor cat.

He's never been outside before.

He's got no claws because the guy got him from the clawed him.

So I'm like, like they started crawling all over on the decks of my daddy's yard being like, Chesty?

Like I'm a guesshole.

So I'm not a good fucking, I'm having a banner day.

How did he get out?

I don't know.

I I don't know.

I I suspect that uh

um although I don't want to blame it on anybody, I suspect uh someone left the house.

My assistant, she left the house and uh

I believe he ran out then.

Oh, does he uh do they try to get out?

He does.

Yeah, that fat one tries to get out.

I don't know why.

He usually only goes out, looks around for a couple of feet, and then walks back into the door, where I grab him and get him in the door.

But yeah,

he was out all night.

You know what?

At least you found him, though.

It's better than not finding him.

Oh, yeah, dude.

Well, I was in a panic, man.

Yeah,

I hear you, man.

That would be horrifying.

Yeah, it was a really bad morning.

And then when I found him, like, I was so relieved.

Yeah, that feeling of

tears in my eyes.

That happened to my dog ran away.

Some workers

next door, not even my own workers in my house, the next door neighbors had workers, and they opened my gate by accident, and we didn't know they opened my gate.

We let the dog out.

Dog was gone for like a half hour.

I was going like so panicked, and we finally found him.

And that moment when you find him is just like, you know, it's like you found a million dollars, it feels like.

Yeah.

But then you you realize, wow, it's not really a million dollars, but it's.

I'd rather have a million dollars.

It's like $1,000.

Yeah.

You buy a lot of dogs with a million motherfuckers.

Q,

do you have someone in your life?

Like, let's say you're walking down the street and you trip and fall and you break both elbows.

Oh, this is a good question.

Yeah.

Do you have someone in your life that would come and wipe your ass for you?

Because it's going to be a good, you know, it's going to be some recovery period.

Weeks.

I do have someone that would do that, I believe, but I would say

I would just probably get a bidet.

Get a bidet?

Well, but don't you have to operate it?

So you would let somebody operate your bidet for you?

Well, you have to get your pants down, too, you know.

Yeah, right.

And that's someone I'm assuming.

That's someone I'm assuming is sell.

No, I think there are

people.

I don't know what to make specific, but I would think that if I had to have someone wipe my ass, there's somebody in my life that would do it, I would hope.

If it's either of your parents, do you feel more ashamed than if it's...

I'd rather just shit in my pants.

That's what I said.

I spent six months shitting in my pants.

Now,

I'm going to go to it.

Is this person you would go to, Q, is this a person that

you're you would be intimate with before the accident

uh i don't have anybody in my life that i would be intimate with anymore um

so no i think it would be a non-intimate i mean but but but you're married well wouldn't you have your wife too do you're saying no oh yeah i i guess

my wife would probably feel like it was her responsibility you know for better or worse and this is definitely the worst i used that i probably said that earlier but it applies it's good it's probably the worst right there.

But I wonder if it would change

the dynamic.

I wonder if that would change a relationship.

Would it be forever tainted?

Oh, so the next time would taint like

the next time, like when I'm healed and I'm risky.

Yeah, and I'm like,

would it, would it forever like alter how you look at somebody ever again?

Like it's, it's just so.

I'm not going to fuck this invalid.

Motherfucker doesn't even know what a bidet is.

Bidet is tough to operate, though, with two broken arms.

There's lots of stuff you can't do.

You can't get your pants down.

You can't get your dick out.

You can't wipe.

Yeah, you can do all that.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

This is a true story.

This happened to somebody I know.

Yeah, it happened to somebody Walt knows.

And

he had somebody in his life that could handle it.

He had two people.

Yes, his wife and his brother.

No, his mother and his brother.

His mother's.

Oh, he was on the outs with his girl.

Yeah.

That's the worst of it.

I'm going to say that upon reflection, I don't think I do have anybody in my life.

Your mother would.

Or that I would have do it for me.

Or, you know what I mean?

You're still your mother's baby.

You know she would.

Yeah, but I wouldn't have her do it.

And is there a difference between a little tiny ass like a baby ass or a big man ass?

Yeah, I mean, some days I have two burritos.

I mean,

well, for her sake, don't eat, don't go at one, for God's sake.

Your mom's like,

you have to eat two burritos?

You know, you can just eat one, right?

I got fucking broken arms here.

Yeah.

You take all my joints away.

How old are you, Q?

I am 42.

So 41 years ago, she was doing it.

You don't think that you think it's really a big deal if 40, 41 years later, she's got to do it again?

Probably.

I didn't have hair and messes

and

dimples.

Like a seven-inch cock like I was like that was like, you know.

And you're just human, so if you become aroused,

it's involuntary.

It's a horror show.

Yeah.

Yeah, like your dad walks up, your mom's wiping your ass, you got an erection and two broken elbows.

That is not what it looks like.

Dad, no, you can't even fight back.

Is there a brother you can go to?

Yo, man.

I have two brothers, but no, they're not doing

that.

Hey, wiping your ass.

Hire a nurse.

They'd be like, why don't you have a fucking nurse to do this?

Hey, we just found out why, because the dude who pretended to have Down syndrome was hiring nurses to wipe his ass, but really he didn't have Down syndrome.

Yeah, you're not going to pretend you have Downs, are you?

No, I would have the two broken arms.

Wouldn't that be enough?

The two broken arms people are like, nah.

Don't be autistic.

Yeah, so that's what's going on.

Well, Q, if it ever happens, you ever fucking.

What was he doing again?

He just slipped at work and he didn't get his arms down in time.

Was he like carrying something?

I don't know, but I mean, what a time for you to be on the outs with your wife, right?

Because you know, she's like, I am not coming back.

Oh, those elbows are

yeah, she's like, this is exactly the time to be on the outside.

But I don't know if did you ever weigh in?

Do you think that my wife could ever look at me the same way?

Or do you think that she, or do you think it would bring us closer?

I think you guys are too young for it to bring you closer.

Because you still presumably have a nice, long, healthy sex life out of you.

I think when we start hitting our 70s and stuff like that, we're all going to be shit diapers and stuff like that.

So we have to accept it.

I don't know, Walt.

You're still pretty pretty young.

You don't want that image in our head.

No, I agree with you.

Yeah, that would be that would be pretty brutal.

Debbie's like, when did you start eating burritos?

You're doing this shit on purpose, aren't you?

Oh,

all right,

all right, Q.

Well, you go relax, man.

You need it, buddy.

Oh, yeah, I'm gonna

buckle down and watch Always Sonny.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I just finished last season.

Rewatched last season so I could get, I'm just about to start this season.

And you've said it's good.

Text me.

Okay.

All right.

All right, boys.

Thank you.

See you, Q.

See you later.

Sorry.

Sorry about you guys coming halfway here and everything like that.

All right.

Next week.

No worries, man.

Talk to you soon.

All right.

Love you guys.

Bye-bye.

That was nice.

You got a little BQ in there.

We didn't expect that.

No.

Thought it was going to be two weeks without Q, but no.

Just one week without Q last week.

Just one week.

People responded well to Joffrey and his fucking stupid deep voice.

Yeah, that's nice, though.

That people gave him a shot in the arm.

That's a guy that needs it.

A little

support, emotional support from the ants.

Yeah, people are nice.

People are very supportive.

Like, I look at Twitter and I'm like, all these people are better than I am.

Yeah, they are.

But, I mean, it doesn't let it bother you, though.

Oh, it doesn't.

I feel like they're holding it over me.

Oh, how long have we been going?

We got one more ad on you.

Hour, nine minutes.

All right.

So, oh, we're talking Casper?

As always, one of the most faithful sponsors of the Tell Home Steve Dave show is Casper.

Hold on, let me put your.

God damn it.

What'd you do?

No, it's asking for a network.

Casper, come on.

You want to lay on a Casper mattress because it's all nice.

Casper is a sleep brand expertly designed.

Wait, Casper is a sleep brand that expertly designed products to help you and your.

Oh, Jesus.

I can't see it because it's like.

Okay, here I go.

I'll go

landscape.

Wow.

I got to go landscape because it's.

This is sad.

All right.

I'll start over again, Casper.

The CU struggle.

Because it's like, it was in portraits.

Like, it's only half the fucking thing.

Casper is a sleep brand that makes expertly designed products to help you get your best rest one night at a time.

Now, we are doing two ads tonight where we can truthfully say we

have the products.

We've purchased the products at full price.

Yeah.

The luggage and the Caspers.

And I say with multiple Casper.

I own all Casper's in my house, and I will never go back to anything but a Casper.

It's that.

And I've had people email me, like, are you screwing around?

Because I'm going to buy this Casper.

And I'm like, I'm not screwing around.

It's that.

Now, Stern used to read like commercials that I'm like, there's no fucking way he believes in this shit.

And we turned down stuff

all the time because we're like, eh, that's not something we're let's let's toot our horn a little bit here, man.

We turn down multiple

things to push because we don't believe in it.

Vaping.

Vaping stuff,

like porn stuff.

Right.

Like, and I'm not talking Adam and Eve.

I'm talking like hardcore porn.

Like weird hardcore porn stuff that we're like, ah, that's not really us.

Now, I heard that vaping has become an epidemic, I heard, amongst young people.

Yeah, probably because it's easier to get.

Now, are you talking about vaping cigarette?

Because that's what this was.

It was cigarette tobacco.

Can't you vape anything though?

You can, if you can get the weed cartridges, but they're not, if you're not in a state that it's legal, like say California or Washington or whatever, or Colorado,

it's not easy to get and they're expensive.

And I'm not saying, I'm not like, I'm just saying that for

us, I think it would be disingenuous for us to be pushing.

Well, none of us vape, so vape.

It's just I'm not condemning the industry, um, but I don't think it's, I don't think it's healthy for young kids.

No, I don't think it's healthy for anyone.

Um, but young kids, man, they're like, that's the greatest thing and the worst thing about being young is that sense of immortality.

Where you're like,

you do?

Yeah, I could tell.

The way you're fucking, you won't even acknowledge death.

You're like, what's that?

I do.

I do not.

I still have that feeling of immortality.

I look at other people and I'm like,

that's not going going to happen to me.

I know it's ridiculous to think that way, but I try to keep that mindset of

thinking that it's not possible that

these things will eventually become my fate as well.

Well,

it is fucking weird, right?

When you look at it.

By sheer willpower, I'm not going to let it happen.

You won't age.

Well, I don't mean, I'm talking about health-wise.

Age,

I could see that.

You know, I look in the mirror, you could see that, but like, I'm not going to allow myself to feel an ache or pain.

I'm just going to ignore it.

I'm going like just little stuff like that.

I mean, you can only do so much.

Joffrey's like, oh, is that the secret?

Yeah, I can only do so much.

You can't, but like,

I know that eventually I'm going, like, willpower

won't be enough.

But for now, I'm not going to, I'm going to just

go with it ain't happening to me.

Yeah, why not, man?

Casper.

Yeah, Casper.

Well, Casper's going to help fucking keep your

bones feeling good and shit, right?

Your back feels good, your neck.

Yeah, it's designed by humans for humans.

Casper products are cleverly designed to mimic human curves, providing supportive comfort for all kinds of bodies.

You spend one-third of your life sleeping, so you should be comfortable.

The original Casper mattress combines multiple supportive foams for a quality sleep surface with the right amounts of both sink and bounce.

200,000 reviews and an average of 4.8 stars

across Casper, Amazon, and Google.

Google.

That's about averaging close to TSD amount of stars on iTunes.

Casper is, keep reaching, guys.

You can, maybe someday you'll do it.

Probably not.

Probably not.

Yeah,

go do a, if you haven't already, go

leave a review, a five-star or four-star.

I don't know what it is on iTunes, but

if you feel we're worthy of it.

If not, then don't leave a restaurant.

Let's give it a little boost again.

Yeah.

Yeah.

If you're not going to get five stars, fuck off.

Don't bother.

Please don't.

But if you feel like you haven't given a review yet.

Now, also, there's another thing that's been coming down the pike.

I've got a lot of emails about our episodes disappearing.

I addressed that today with

our webmaster that I want to...

host it on our site so people never have to worry about fucking iTunes or SoundCloud or wherever the fuck these podcasts are held.

And then like, because people are like, oh, I'm like ripping through them.

I like it.

And then suddenly 150 to 170 is missing.

And I see people are like, they're sending me emails and they're like, oh, you broke your promise.

You put your episode, your free episodes behind a paywall.

And I'm like, what are they talking about?

We have done nothing to the free episodes.

If they disappear, it's not because we did anything.

I don't know why they did.

Well, iTunes or their podcast stuff, it's like, it's all hosted for free by them.

It's not a priority for them to make sure that all those episodes are up there all the time.

So if there's a glitch or something, I don't know.

We don't know.

Yeah, but I don't know why.

We haven't removed them.

If they're removed, it's not by our hands.

Yeah, I'm meeting with somebody tomorrow to talk about putting them on our site.

So they'll all be there.

Smod fan also is like, if you have a flash drive and you send it to him, he'll put the curator.

The curator, yeah.

The historian, or he's got like 10 different names.

No, it's just curator.

It's just a curator now?

He's like Air Jordan.

That's like the curator.

You know who it is.

I don't want to ever hear him called SmodFan again.

Okay.

It's curator.

All right.

Curator.

Sorry.

Curator is

if you send curator a flash drive, he will put the episodes on for you.

And he's SmodFan on Twitter.

I don't know why he's not at Curator yet, but soon, I hope.

You know who I haven't seen it around on the internet in a while?

Is the Fitzman still in?

Fitzman's still there.

I see him from time to time.

He used to get a lot more mentions.

He went quiet, though.

I mean, I don't know what happened to him.

Curator is getting a lot more love from Tell him Steve Dave.

He's getting the love that Fitzman used to get.

Yeah, Curator is the new Fitzman.

And you know, also, the guy who gave me the iPad, Rich, iPad Rich,

he went dark, man.

He went silent.

I haven't heard from him in so long.

I wonder if he still listens.

It's sad to think that guy,

well, I wouldn't, he sounded like a young guy when I was dealing with him, but

if he's still out there,

I would hope that he's still listening, but it would be sad that he brought me an iPad.

Tell him that iPad is like second gen.

You know, to think that he thought he liked Telm Steve Dave so much that he sent me an iPad and now he doesn't listen anymore, that would bum me out.

I hope that's the thing.

If that's the case where he's like, I just don't like it anymore, because that happened to me with Stern.

I tried to listen to Stern the other day.

I was like, oh my God, this fucking guy with his PC shit.

This is a guy who totally wants to rewrite his history and the shit that he did, like the jokes and the...

the sexism and all this other stuff.

Like this is a guy who in the 80s had people throwing baloney and like cold cuts to stick it on like women's asses, asses like strippers asses and stuff and i'm not trying to pretend i'm all woke and shit because i'm not but that kind of stuff i never thought you're not i'm not just in case you're watching in case anybody out there thought you were i don't know who who the fuck is thinking who's on the fence but it's like is he woke maybe i don't know i can't tell okay so all right that's been uh that's been decided and uh clarified i'm not woke but I never thought that shit was funny.

I'm like, I don't get it.

Like throwing cold cuts.

I never understand.

You were a big Stern fan.

I never was a Stern fan.

I never got it.

I never, I would listen to it and I would give it solid chances.

I'd be like, I'm really going to give it a chance.

And he was on E.

I would watch that E show, too.

And I would be like, I don't get it.

I don't think he's not funny.

There's some funny.

Actually, I don't think he's the funniest one on the show.

I think Fred is funnier than he is.

I think Richard is funny.

He's actually funnier than he is.

Fred's still around.

Yep, he's still around.

Yeah.

I think Fred's probably the funniest one on the show.

And then Sal and Richard are a close second and third.

But I tried to listen to Stern, and it's like he's doing this, like, because Les Moonvest.

Hey, what's up?

You're back, huh?

Less Moonvest.

I love Seven.

What's up?

I just said, Dave.

Tell Steve.

She wants us to end it.

All right.

Come on, finish that in and we can get out of here.

Wow.

Holy crap.

It's time for me to go.

The, okay, talk about Casper a little bit more.

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You did five.

We did the personal, yeah, at least.

We did the personal experience in the very beginning.

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Terms and conditions apply.

And god damn it, they're constantly like, do not address the following under any circumstances

so uh i guess that's it um

that is it sage i do want to bring something up to you really quickly though do you know who beyonce is you know that singer you listen to sometimes beyonce

her ex-drummer accused her of extreme witchcraft

What do you think about that?

Somebody who's a singer and a witch.

Huh, me?

Yeah, Beyonce.

They said that her former drummer, her former drummer requested a restraining order because she practices extreme witchcraft, and she's been using her magic to run surveillance and control the woman's finances.

I mean, come on.

She's got to be using black magic.

No, I don't mean that way, but she's got to be using magic

to be that popular.

Come on.

I wouldn't

popular the way that she is without using some sorcery.

Yeah, you got to have to have some magical stuff.

Some hocus-pocus.

A little abracadabra going on, Sage.

What do you think of that?

Say, tell him, Steve Dave.

Da-da-da-da.

All right.

I know actually

loud on the woods, but I've been past the point that humanity can even talk to change the world.

I still have questions.

Questions, I still want answers.

Is boss what we need

so they can recognize that we won't take it no good.

We keep on trying and trying the same thing we'll get, the same as the last one.

I'm not gonna do it, I'm not gonna train their pay for two choices.

Pay for change!

I don't wanna be just on the sidelines,

but can I cast the first stone?

This is always what I strive for, and I'm angry enough.

I scourging against the wind.

I still have questions, but good.

I still want answers.

Here's boss, what we need

so they can recognize that we won't take it, no blood.

We keep on trying and trying the same thing, we'll get the same results as before.

I'm not gonna do it, I'm not gonna trade their fate.

Choose what you're trying to pay for change

pay for change.

Violence begins fighting, violence begins fighting.

There's gonna be another way.

No, no, no, no, I'm gonna do it.

No, no, basis.

I'll be well, no, no,

no, I'm gonna do it.

Wanna be the change, wanna be the change today.

This has been a production of Smodco Internet Radio,

sir only at Smodcast.com.