#387: Fuck Cantcer

He's like, What the fuck you doing, Pam?

Away from Paul.

I made a great joke.

Wasn't she a great big fat person?

If you're going to tell those edgy jokes that you want to tell,

tell them, Steve Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell Em Steve Dave.

I look around the table, I only see one lonely face, Walt Flanagan.

Hello.

We got no BQ here today.

No BQ, no guest stars.

I've never been a fan of the two-man pod.

I don't know how Mike and Ming do it.

I really don't know how.

I do badly.

So do you.

Yeah, I think it's such a disadvantage because if that three-man

setup

seemingly feels like somebody's always got something to add to the conversation.

So you've got to give it up for them.

I mean, if they had a third person,

you want to listen to it.

You know,

you know, I mean,

history may have been different

if they had a third guy.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, they did have, yeah, you're saying the same exact thing.

Yeah, I know.

That didn't come out right.

But I'm just saying, they are, they, um,

they have to vamp and do more

in five minutes than we do, though, because they had, they're filling the role of three men.

You could have stopped the role.

I don't know who the other two are, but they're out there.

Well, they had Mark for a while before he

that's true.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, and people really look, you know, that was a good little team right there.

Well, that's why I like when Q's here.

Like, I have a few things here that I know what you're going to say when I bring them up to you.

But if Q were here, I think you know.

I don't know if he's going to jump on me or jump on you.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, depending upon his mood,

you know,

he may see also pick up on your vibes, though, and feel like you need someone in your corner.

Yeah.

I don't think he ever thinks I need anybody in my corner.

You're too strong.

I don't know about that.

I don't know.

Yeah, I'm not saying that, buddy.

I don't know if he ever thinks that, like, oh, man.

You're convicted enough that you're like, I don't give a fuck if you agree with me or not.

I'll never change my mind.

I did remember.

Last week, I think it was, I told a story about the pizza delivery guy who was giving me a bunch of shit, and at the end, I called him a retard.

Yes.

I remembered what it was that he said,

the final thing before I launched into the very end.

And that was, he goes, well, I don't see what the problem is.

And I said, the pizza's cold.

And he goes, well, it's hot out there.

Am I supposed to not turn on my air conditioning?

And I turned it very badly.

Do you believe this fucking guy?

I said, no, you get a fucking hot box like every other fucking pizza place on earth.

And that's when he's just fucking staring at me.

And he's like, all right, well,

I couldn't remember, but I remembered it.

And I was like, fucking Jesus Christ, this moron.

I cannot believe, though, you're still thinking about it this many weeks later, though.

It's really, really alarming, though,

when you really come down to it, that you're still thinking about it.

Slights perceived or real, never forgotten.

Never forgotten.

Most, not real.

Most of them, yeah, I'll agree with you there.

You don't need me in your corner.

But I went to, and this really signaled the death knell for me going out.

Iida, I went out to Texas Roadhouse

yesterday?

Yeah.

Pretty decent place.

I was just there on Sunday night.

Well, wait a minute.

That would have been yesterday.

Yeah, I was there in the afternoon.

Okay, I was there later

in the evening.

I look over, and there's a puppy

sitting in the booth with people.

Service dog.

Was it a service dog?

A service dog?

A puppy is not a service dog.

Sure, it could be.

I don't think you could put an age on it.

It could be an infant.

It slept the entire.

When I say puppy, they must have snipped the umbilical cord right before they walked walked in.

This thing was so is it a dog?

It was a dog.

Then it can be a service dog.

I don't think you could put an age on it.

If it's making that person feel better and doing its job, which is to calm down the person, I don't think it matters if it's a puppy or if it's like an older

two different things.

Oh, yeah, old yeller.

That would be my service dog.

A dog with rabies, and I'm like, we got to put this dog up.

No, there's a difference between a service dog and an emotional support animal.

Now, if you're telling me that you need emotional support to walk into a restaurant like Lone Star or whatever

and eat there, then don't come in.

Then stay the fuck home.

But

I don't want dogs sitting in a booth next to me.

You know what?

Although that puppy was way better behaved than almost any kid I've ever seen, so if you want to bring your puppies in place of kids, I would agree to that.

Well, well, that's like saying you wouldn't eat at my house because I have a dog, though.

No, it's not.

I go in understanding that.

I go in understanding that I'm walking into a house that has two dogs.

I go into a restaurant, I expect it to be just humans.

Now, can I bring?

You can't expect that anything.

Can I bring any animal in I want?

I know that Southwest allows you to bring miniature puppies.

Now you're just trying to be like that, like that.

Oh, that reasonable, rational person.

No, no, no, no.

You're just trying to be that kind of person that, like,

that, almost like a troll.

You're kind of like, oh, okay, so you can bring your puppy in, then I'm going to bring in

a porcupine.

It's my soul.

It's my.

What if it is, though?

I think they're.

What if a decent dog?

I think

a dog is accepted as man's best friend.

I do think you have to in 2018 you're going to have to realize or stay the fuck home then.

Oh, I've got it now.

What takes me out of here?

Is that you have to accept

that service dogs are here to stay unless something catastrophic happens.

Like let's say a service dog just goes

crazy and bites and bites somebody or does something really horrible.

If there is no incidents, they're here to stay.

And I really don't have a problem with them.

So there can be dogs everywhere in Lone Star barking.

They wouldn't bother me.

Barking, going after each other, that kind of shit.

You know what?

You may as well go fucking eat and PetSmart then.

It's right in the same plaza.

I think it's insane.

There's no standards anymore.

I just think you have to be a little bit more understanding to.

Why do I?

Why do I?

Or you don't, and then you stay home then.

But why do I?

Why do you?

But don't ruin it.

But you can't.

But if they're, but if they're, if they're as a company, are saying like it's okay.

And

if you don't agree with it, then you don't have to, then you don't support that company.

Then, I agree.

I agree.

And it's rare.

I mean, this is the first time I've seen a dog, but I guarantee it won't be the last time.

And even if I'm not the guy, like, there's no fucking way you need an emotional support animal to go eat a meal.

On a plane, you have no idea.

You have no idea what people are dealing with.

Okay, so then it's so then anything.

So then she can bring him anywhere.

A man do who's going to be able to do it.

The dog market in the movies, that's okay with you.

I've seen a little bit of emotional things that you need for your support support over the course of the decades.

Hey, you see me carrying a fucking dog everywhere I go?

No, but I've seen, but

man, I put my fucking fist through the wall.

I think you need to be a bit more understanding of everybody around you.

And if that's what it takes, I mean, what's it?

So just giving.

So no matter what, no matter what I like, I just have to constantly bend to society because they've deemed this the new normal, where it's like, yes, we can all bring our pets to fucking lunch now.

I don't even like teenagers going to lunch in pajamas, those pajama pants and the fucking slippers.

I don't know if there's anything.

Is there anything that you like?

I like people adhering to what I like.

That's mostly what I like.

I'm just saying, I think that if you're going to go to a restaurant, come on, get out of your fucking pajamas.

Enough.

You're not cute.

It's annoying.

I don't even know what you're talking about.

Girls are constantly walking around in pajama pants and fucking slippers at restaurants and shit or going to the store.

Like

they just rolled out of bed.

Are you sure that's just not a new fashion?

Like, it's not really pajamas.

It's just

cotton pants?

It's pajamas.

They look like they rolled right out of bed.

They got bedhead, they're in pajama pants.

Again, I mean, so now you're going to have a dress code at fucking Friendly's or Wendy's.

You're going to be like, No, I'm not saying those kind of places.

A place where if I'm going to spend, say, for three people, I'm going to spend $40 plus on a meal.

No, I don't want to see you in your fucking pajamas, and I don't want your fucking dog being next to me.

I don't even want your kids there.

If they're screaming,

if the kids are cool, I sat down to the same

restaurant.

These other people sat down right next to us, three little kids, perfectly behaved.

Nobody's screaming, nobody's going nuts, talking, they're coloring like normal kids.

If you're looking for the dining experience, I believe you need to start going to much more classier places, though.

These are family restaurants, and the family now in 2018 includes the fucking dog.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't.

I've always thought

I would never have had a problem.

I always wanted to bring my dog everywhere I go with me.

But now you can.

I can, but I won't because I can't trust him.

He loves food.

He loves people.

He would eat it.

More than listening to me, he loves those two things.

And I think

he would be a nightmare, and I would never be.

Are you describing me or your dog?

Well, you don't love people.

That's obvious.

But no,

I would, I mean, as a kid, I wanted to bring my dog everywhere.

I just wanted that, like, that

classical, like, you know, American, what's it called?

Like, Mark Twain.

Mark Twain.

Was it Mark

Twain?

Is Is it Mark Twain?

I don't know.

Like a rock.

And the dog comes with you, and it's just like the dog's always with you 24-7.

It's literally

like a brother to you or a sister.

That's what I've always wanted.

Now in 2018, we're moving towards that now.

All right.

I mean, I don't know what to say.

It's just corporations, especially dining restaurants.

I guess they don't do as well as they used to.

So now they're just trying to grasp at anything to bring in those diners.

Because you know what?

If you told that person, like, hey, you can't have your dog here, you're right.

Somebody would go on social media and it would turn into a whole thing where people would pile on what is it?

Texas Roadhouse.

Yeah.

And they would be the assholes.

When in reality, it's like, and again, the dog didn't cause a problem, but it does set a dangerous precedent, I think.

Can I bring my fucking pit bull in there?

Can I?

You want to sit next to me when I have my pit bull?

And I'm like, nah, he's fine.

Again,

I believe that unless something

horribly goes wrong at one of these places where there's a lot of people and you're bringing a mix and mixing in now your service dog.

And if something goes wrong, yeah, then

we'll see something

down the pipe.

Somebody has to get disfigured in order for people to be like, why the fuck do we let dogs in restaurants in the first place?

This is bizarre.

We didn't have seatbelts on cars until a lot of people got disfigured and killed.

So then we had to change shit.

That's true.

Except we never had dogs in restaurants.

And now we're like, hey, let's test the waters for some reason.

Fuck all of you.

I'm not going out to eat anymore.

Unless I go to Char, which is the only restaurant that never lets me down.

I never go in there and have to deal with a screaming kid or a fucking dog who may piss all over the place.

It's a puppy.

It would be no fault of his own.

But he didn't, though.

He didn't.

But you don't know.

He might take a shit.

You got to see the super smeller.

It'll knock you right on your ass.

I think

until

you're making up scenarios that could happen, you just got to wait for them to happen.

And then you can finally say, I was right.

Then you can say you're right.

But until then, I can't wait.

Yeah,

all you really come off sounding is just angry, bitter old bra.

So

until you're proven right, and then

you get on your mountain and you scream at the top of your lungs that you were right.

I told you these cur with a root of all her dining problems.

Puppy was super cute, wasn't what like slept the entire time, but it did make me think, since it wasn't a service dog, it didn't have the vest and all that shit, that it's like, so this is now what people can do, I guess.

It is, yes.

All right, so if I have an Irish wolfhound.

Again, you just keep saying if, if, if.

My neighbor has two.

I'm going to bring her to lunch, and I'm going to tell her to bring her dogs to Texas Royal House, and we'll see how it plays.

Just because it's not a cute little puppy.

I mean,

what will it prove then?

If you get in, will you be like, what then?

If they say no, what then?

What happens?

If they say no?

If they say no, what do you do?

Like I was in here last week week and someone had a dog what what's the policy here we've changed that policy no more dogs no more dogs unless they're service dogs i'm like go wait in the car to the lady and have lunch

um

let's see i had i had a few things written down none of which you will fucking care about

so why'd you write him down then because if q were here i knew he would care about them really yeah there was a there was this thing is it celebrity shit

it is celebrity shit i don't think he cares about it i think if i think you misjudge his level of interest in the new celebrity.

I'll be interested, but I'll make him be interested for the sake of myself.

Because I want him.

I know you'll never be interested no matter how much I talk about it, but out of guilt, he'll be interested.

Out of guilt.

Instead of just choosing topics that you don't have to guilt the other members into talking about.

Well, you know.

You can't just talk with Mary Beth about these topics.

Oh, I do.

That's how you should have brought tonight.

Was that Mary Beth?

Brought her.

Your new girl.

That would have been an interesting episode, though.

Yeah.

She was.

I told her, I was like, Walt, like, I wouldn't be surprised if Walt wanted to ask you some stuff on the show.

And then she started naming stuff, like, stuff that I'd forgotten about.

And I was like, nah, you can't come on.

Insane.

She goes, well, you kind of are a little.

But yeah, there was stuff that she was mentioning.

I was like, holy shit, I totally forgot about that.

So you, so you,

in an effort to, what's the matter with the levels?

No, they're just, for some reason, the time jumped.

Like, it just blinked, but it's still going to be.

So, in an effort to,

what's it called?

Make your

public image

a little bit.

You're kinder and gentler.

You're not going to allow Mary Beth to speak on Mike?

She could.

She could talk.

You just go over

a little

practice?

I want some questions by you

are probably going to ask.

Let's see how you do.

No, you won't care about any of this.

You may actually care about this thing, though.

Well, they're also old.

Like when I write stuff down,

like Jimmy Fallon paid for some rich person's meal.

It was like a $1,000 bill, and Jimmy Fallon paid for it.

And he was like, because they look so happy and they were having such a good time.

And it reminded me of the friendlies thing that you were talking about, except like the waiters were having such a good time, they're high-fiving and shit.

Right.

Oh, so did Jimmy Fallon,

did he know it was a rich person he was paying for?

Well, it was a big party, and I think it was a fancy restaurant.

And he was like,

So he had to realize this person at this restaurant probably would have no problem paying for meal.

There's no puppies in this restaurant.

Yeah, so this guy is, yeah, he's able to pay.

Why the fuck do you pay for another rich person's meal?

And why do you

tout it?

You have to tout it.

You cannot tout it anymore.

Somebody has to leak it.

It has to be like on Twitter, like, hey, here's what Jimmy Fallon did.

But doesn't he have a team of people that is like, you know, Jim, don't tout this because you're going to come across as well, why don't you pay for somebody who's destitute for a meal?

There's some jerk off out there who's going to call you out.

He's calling out dogs.

He's calling out dogs in Texas Roadhouse.

You don't think he's going to call you out?

What chance do you have?

As if Jimmy Fallon isn't the biggest dick sucker in the business to begin with.

Like, there's no fucking knob he won't polish to a fucking mirror.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, he's one of those.

He's like one of those raw raw guys.

He's not one of those guys that's going to.

He'll never ask the question.

He's the guy that got in kind of trouble for messing up Trump's hair, right?

He took a lot of heat for that.

For humanizing Trump.

For humanizing Trump, yeah.

But I think this is prior to people really hating Trump.

I mean, they didn't like him before, but then they started to really hate him.

Oh, well, yeah.

Well, as soon as they thought he was going to win, they thought he was a joke leading up to that.

They were like, this is like the ha ha ha.

The Republicans are putting up Trump.

They're going to get Trowns.

And they were like, the shock of all shocks, then, of course, now you're into fucking beast mode.

You're ready to, you're, you're tearing, right?

I mean,

the other side's just like, oh, okay, it's on.

We're going to destroy.

We're going to destroy anybody that even fucking smiled at Trump or took a picture with Trump.

Right.

Forget that.

For the longest time, he was a person that like people liked, like, they liked to dislike him, like when he was on The Apprentice.

He was a huge personality in the 80s and the 90s with all the building and shit.

I never understood the appeal of it.

Even before all this, he just, I mean, he's a douchebag.

You're fired.

It was just so corny.

It was so corny.

But why does Jimmy Fallon, though, doesn't not realize, though, that

he's going to be criticized up and down, left and right, for picking up the tab of a rich person's meal.

Right.

Why would you tell the world that, not the world, but why would you tell your followers or whoever that you did that though what does it well he didn't tell anyone directly oh he didn't no i'm sure the you know an unnamed source or the waiter or somebody was like maybe the person who who he bought the meal for felt the need to leak it people can't just do something they got to do it and tout it ever touting

i mean there's some things you should tout there's other things you know well i guess and you know i take that back then i mean i thought he was like he was so foolish to think that people would think it's funny or it was a good move by his fault on his end.

No, but I'm sure when it came out, he wasn't like, oh, no.

Oh, really?

You don't think he's smart enough to realize, oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

I'm not going to have to deal with this for a week.

No, because he was like, yeah, at best, a week.

Right?

Or a couple of days, unless something else, you know, unless Trump says something that takes the heat.

I mean, he gave a fucking quote, so he must have known.

Yeah.

He was like, oh, I was having such a good time.

I just, you know, maybe so happy.

I just had to give $1,000 to an already rich person.

Fucking dickhead.

Fuck you.

Pete Davidson, I had something about it.

I know you don't know who that is.

No.

Is that a rapper?

No, he's a P.

Davidson.

Doesn't sound like a rapper?

He's a quote comedian, end quote.

Okay.

Is his first name P?

No, Pete.

Oh, Pete.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Yeah.

What else did I have here?

Would you be upset if you found out somebody burned a four-color demon flag in protest?

Like, you know, people burn the American flag.

I would be very upset.

Yeah.

Someone did that?

No, they didn't.

Oh, I just wondered

why.

I was like, they listened to something on Patreon they didn't like and burned the flag.

Yeah, maybe they listened to a tidbits that they felt like fell short.

I thought they were.

I mean, I was waiting, just waiting for those videos to pop up for tidbits, too.

I thought people were going to start burning

all the apparel.

Yeah, you want them back.

You want them back.

I guess people, yeah, I saw that.

The reaction from some people about that.

They're not all going to to be Grand Slams.

Most of them.

Unless it's the Sunday Jeff Show.

Oh, no, no, no.

I wasn't talking about that.

I was talking about the reaction to Nike

announcing their new,

I guess, a spokesman in Colin Kaepernick.

Right.

And I see, you know, both, you know, again, it's just politics, man.

It's just so boring.

It's like one side's going to celebrate that they hired him.

The other side's going to denounce Nike's hiring of him.

And then the people in the middle are just like, who the fuck cares?

Either you're going to buy Nikes or not, and they don't care who the sponsor is.

I don't buy Nikes because I don't like the way they fit.

My feet are too wide.

I got a bunion or a corn, maybe.

I don't know.

They don't feel good.

They got flat feet.

Yeah.

No, high arches, promo.

High arches.

Fuck yeah.

I did wonder, though, you're.

Does the Army still not take people with flat feet at this point?

I mean, they can't be that discerning, can they?

At this stage of the game?

I mean, in 2018, they can't be like

checking for flat feet anymore.

Like back when, like, in like, say, World War II, when kids were like 15, 16, lying about their age so they could go over and fight the Jerrys and shit, then they might be like, ah, you got flat feet.

We don't need you.

Because it was a surplus of people.

Today, where people are like, I don't know.

You know, a lot of people are like, there's no draft.

I wonder why they couldn't.

They're like, I got flat feet, but I really want to fight for Uncle Sam.

Yeah, I wonder why the Army was like, no flat feet.

Was it because they couldn't march a lot?

I mean, what was the...

I couldn't march a lot?

You couldn't?

No, not with pronated arches.

My feet hurt, you know.

Now,

now, I don't know, even back then.

Look at my 30s.

But yeah, well, you fucking, I got news for you.

Even if you didn't have fucking high arches in your 30s, I wouldn't have taken you, though.

Yeah, probably.

I'm talking about when you're in your teens.

So I'm in my teens?

No, I don't think so.

I think I would have been in good enough shape.

Yeah.

And I don't have any other, I didn't have any other health things.

So, yeah, they probably would have taken me.

I got flat feet.

Yeah, I know.

That's what kept you out.

You were fucking.

No, no.

You were itching the joint after world trades went down.

No, no.

I guess when all that shit with that first time with Gaddafi was going on,

of course, there was rumors

that they were going to Pan-American flight?

Back in the 80s.

And plus, they had the Army barracks bombing and everything.

There was a lot of banging the war drums on the news, and they were like, you know, we could go to war.

And I was like, oh, my God.

Could you imagine if they had a draft?

Could you imagine if I had normal feet?

And my mom goes, don't worry about it.

You got flat feet.

You can't go.

And I was just like, really?

I was like, so happy to be

deformed.

Yeah, I don't know about deformed, but so happy.

But your feet aren't normal, so technically you're deformed.

Hey, I'm deformed too.

I know that's kind of like my knees are bowed a little bit.

You know what to say?

They didn't run to Canada.

Yeah.

Couldn't have referred to flat.

But I know that's horrible, but I mean, my God, if there was, I wouldn't want to go to war.

That's insane.

Can you imagine?

It's so weird you should say that because I've been listening to a book about the Vietnam War, like in an audiobook.

And I was thinking, like, if Walt were drafted into the Vietnam War,

would you die of starvation?

Maybe the only soldier to ever die of starvation.

Unless they're a POW.

Well, no, the food in general.

Shit on a shingle.

I mean, I probably would have...

Snake soup probably over there in Vietnam.

I probably would have.

I know it's shocking, but I probably would have gone into some sort of mental distress before even getting there.

That would have been a good thing.

Somebody get him a dog.

I'd be useless because I would be so paralyzed with

fear and anxiety.

I would be, you know, I would be, I would be.

They're like, what happened to this soldier?

They're like, someone wanted him to eat a bowl of cereal.

Yeah, I mean,

I don't know how guys did that shit.

You tip your hat to them because I'm like,

it's terrifying.

And then they come back

and they're like, you piece of shit.

yeah it was like kind of the early sort of

like they they there were a certain number of soldiers that did fucked up shit you know raped and killed people and did stuff you're not supposed to do even in war

and they gave the bad name to everyone who when coming back people are spitting on them calling them baby killers all that you're like yo man that was

i mean we weren't alive back then but that that was i mean to say it was on

well i mean we were too young to really get the

the weight of

the country, like to take the pulse.

We didn't know what it was like back then.

We were watching cartoons and shit, but

I do remember very, very.

Go ahead.

No,

you'll forget.

I remember very, very late in it people talking about this guy who lived two doors down from me dying over there.

Wow.

Patak,

his last name was Patak.

I can't remember his first name, but I do like, I was like five or four or something.

I remember them talking about him dying.

I mean, we're talking about like, like, what was it, 50 years, 40 years ago?

But, I mean, there's still guys going over there now.

And I mean, it's shit.

People are dying.

It's crazy.

You know, that in 2018,

this is how we like countries.

Well, not even I guess it's not countries, but you know, it's still solved by

who could kill the most people.

Yeah, as if it matters.

Unless you have a nuke, you're not going to kill enough people.

Several nukes, really.

So it's like

it makes no fucking sense.

Ajargento, I had down, the co-founder of the Me Too movement, who turned around, turns out she had a couple of little skeleton in her closet, a skeleton of a 17-year-old boy.

Yeah, I don't know what that is, but I thought you were talking about Dijargento.

I thought you were talking about that Italian horror director.

Dario Argento, it's his daughter.

Oh, it is his daughter?

Yeah.

Oh, there's a connection?

Yeah, yeah.

It's his daughter.

And she.

Is she somebody that

is this nepotism?

Is this how she got her...

I don't know.

Let's not judge nepotism too harshly.

Let's move on from that.

I'm sure she got her foot in the door because of him, but she's an accomplished actress and she's directed some stuff.

Yeah.

What did she direct it?

I'm not sure.

Probably shit that I would never watch.

But she was

early on with the Me Too movement, she was big into the

accusing Harvey and shit.

And well, not accusing him, but like sort of outing Harvey.

And

then it turns out that she, I guess, some years ago, she

banged this 17-year-old kid.

And, oh, no.

Holy shit.

I haven't even been keeping up.

Now Asia Argento and fucking Rose McGowan are fighting.

Jimmy Bennett.

Asia Argento hits out at Rose McGowan's false claims following Jimmy Bennett's sexual assault allegations against her.

You haven't been keeping up?

I don't even know what you're talking about.

I mean,

these names, yeah.

I thought you were going to say Jimmy.

I thought you were were going to say Jimmy Fallon again.

Yeah, I'm like, hey, did you hear about this guy?

No, let me see what Adriar Gentoo has done.

No, Adriar Gento and Rose McGowan.

How do you say your name?

Asia.

Asia.

Like the country.

Yeah, like the

continent.

Yeah.

How could you?

Let's see.

Asia

Argento.

But she and Rose McGowan, you know, started the Mewtwo movement, and I guess

I think the movement's bigger than those two people.

I mean, I didn't even I've never even heard of either one of them.

So nobody's heard of the movement, though.

So I don't think the movement will be affected by this at all.

Oh, no?

You don't think it makes some people

who are a part of, not that have heard of it,

but who are like

committed to it, are like, so wait a second.

So she.

No, because

I think it's like you said with it, just like you said with the war, though.

It's like, you know, some bad apples did some.

Yeah, it's 50% are bad apples who started it, though.

Like, you can't go up there on a podium and be like, Harvey Weinstein Weinstein is a piece of shit and here's why.

Well, though,

those people can't, but there are people who can, though.

Oh, sure.

Yeah, absolutely.

So I don't think, that's what I'm saying.

I don't think it will hurt the movement at all, though.

They'll just cast them aside and move on.

I guess so.

I don't know.

She's been in a whole bunch of shit you never heard of.

Actress.

Land of the Dead, maybe?

She only does horror movies like her dad?

No, no, no.

She's been in a whole bunch of stuff as far as acting, but

none of this shit I've ever heard of.

Well, maybe, like the Texas Roadhouse, you're not the demo they're going after.

Yes, yes, I agree with that.

Yeah, yeah.

Alicia,

who's your favorite X-Men?

Come on, you've seen the movies.

Who's your favorite X-Men?

Don't know any of them.

You don't know any of the X-Men?

No.

I'll tell you right now, the coolest X-Men in the world is Logan

Wolverine.

He's the guy with the claws.

And they're finally doing a Wolverine podcast.

That's cool.

I've sent you some information

to pique your interest because I'll be telling you a little bit of history about the Wolverine, even though you got these talking points.

Luckily, the people who have hired us to talk about Wolverine, they didn't realize

they got a guy who's so versed in Wolverine talking about it tonight with you.

There's nobody maybe on the planet who's more qualified to talk about Wolverine than I am.

He's a berserker.

He's like this guy who's like a mutant.

And he has this healing factor.

So like if he gets shot, a bullet hole, it just

heals instantly.

He also has an adamantium-laced skeleton.

How cool is that?

That's really cool.

You know what adamantium is?

Nope.

It's the strongest metal known to man.

It can't be broken.

That's cool.

I'm telling you, like when I first, and also what Wolverine has is claws.

So, when he has these three claws on his wrists,

on the outside of his palms of his hands,

on the back of his hands, I should say, not the palms of his hands, on the back of his hands, and when he clicks them or what he does, or he like makes them pop, it makes a noise that goes snicked, and the claws pop out, and they're razor sharp.

And he slices and dices.

And he's really one of the first anti-heroes to ever come on the scene at Marvel Comics.

He was the guy that kind of like

he killed

like before Wolverine.

Well, there was the Punisher.

He was kind of before Wolverine slightly.

But a superhero that killed bad guys.

I know, I could just say, it's blowing your mind right now.

It is.

Tell the people a little bit about the Wolverine podcast.

It's

Marvel's first scripted podcast, and it's out now for free online and in all your podcast apps.

Listen to Wolverine The Long Night for free in Apple's podcasts, Stitcher,

Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Or visit WolverinePodcast.com for more info.

I'm going to tell you something.

I was a little bit younger than you when I first read my first X-Men comic book and I wanted to be Wolverine.

I used to go around like putting, I'd tape pencils to the back of my hands and I would go out in the backyard and I would like slice at the trees.

Grammy would get mad at me and tell me, you know, like, you know, stop taking the bark off that tree.

You're no, you're no Wolverine.

Right?

How cute is that?

That's pretty cute.

Right?

I'm sure.

I mean, if you could be any X-Men, who would you be?

I think I'd have to go with Wolverine.

You know that Wolverine's a girl now?

No.

Yeah, yeah.

There's been a, I think it's his daughter now, has become Wolverine.

She's, she's kind of got the healing factor, too.

And she's called X23.

I'm telling you, I got to get you in the comic books, right?

I mean, maybe.

What's your favorite comic book character?

What's your favorite comic book?

Well, actually, what's your favorite comic book movie that I ever took you to see?

I guess Starrings of the Galaxy.

Well, this podcast we're talking about, it's like a movie without pictures.

I went and watched the YouTube video.

They filmed it.

I mean, they recorded it in a studio, like a real studio, and they got sound effects, they got music, they've got this voice actor who really brings Wolverine to life.

I mean,

comic book fans, they could be known for being a little

cranky, and they get very possessive, and they're prone to like getting on the internet and complaining if something is done not to their satisfaction.

But I kind of got the feeling that they're going to love this.

They're going to love this rendition.

It's called Wolverine the What?

The Long Night.

Wolverine the Long night oh man i i can't i i've always

wanted to uh live in a world where for free i could just download a wolverine podcast well give me some more information about it the script was written by a comic book author benjamin percy and the podcast was directed by brendan baker from the podcast love and radio now i gotta tell you that's the only thing i'm disappointed in is like

why wasn't I asked to be involved in the Wolverine pod?

I mean, who's, I mean, I'm sure this guy's qualified, but I mean, I love Wolverine.

I could have helped out with this podcast.

For real.

Right?

I mean, oh, you ever see what Wolverine looks like?

You know what his color his costume is?

I'll give you three.

How did you know that?

I mean, I know all that.

I'm so impressed right now.

Now, you knew his costume was yellow.

Yeah.

Now,

a lot of characters, they can't pull off a yellow costume and still look tough.

Wolverine can.

His favorite word,

bub.

You know, like he calls people bub.

Okay.

All right.

Finish it up.

It's like 10 o'clock at night.

I got you out of bed to read this.

And that's why you're not on the RA game.

Okay.

The story is that two agents investigate a string of murders.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, did that say really say that?

Two agents?

No agents.

Oh, okay.

I was going to say, wow, why would they even specify that?

No, two agents investigate a string of murders in Alaska, and their primary suspect is a drifter named Logan.

Shh, spoilers.

That's Wolverine.

Bub.

The mole podcast was recorded with an ambisonic microphone that captures 360 degrees of audio and totally constructs an immersive world of sound around you.

So if Wolverine is fighting someone on the floor, you hear the sound beneath you, as if you're standing over them.

It's like virtual reality without the virtual.

I'm telling you, I mean, I really hope, like, I know Marvel's not going to come knocking on the door of our podcast to let us take a crack at a character.

But if there's any like smaller companies out there, I mean, we got Jay Sarge in the bullpen ready to write a score.

I've got, I've got Giddam, who could voice a character, Sunday Jeff.

I mean,

some independent comic book companies out there, if you want the TSD rendition of your character,

we could do your version of The Long Night, just like these guys are doing Wolverine.

I know I'm kind of like, I'm not really selling this then, if I'm talking about doing somebody else's, but I would love a crack at doing something like this.

These guys are lucky, but you know what?

They're qualified.

They got the job, and more, and all the best of luck to them.

Where can they go?

Is Is there any last

bit of information?

They can go to wolverinepodcast.com and watch the behind-the-scenes video on YouTube.

And where can they go to listen?

WolverinePodcast.com.

Oh, everything's there?

It's all one-stop.

Well, they can go to, they can find it on Spotify, on Apple, on iTunes.

Yeah.

And I'm guessing it's going to be like a serialized thing.

So, like, you're going to keep coming back week after week

and listening.

And I'm sure it's going to be like a mystery as these two agents.

I'm almost positive that

Logan didn't commit the murders, and then Wolverine is going to solve the murders.

Okay.

You know, I mean, I'm not, I mean, I don't think I'm going out of the limb here.

That

but you gotta, yeah, listen to find out, and um, check it out.

Wolverine the Long Night,

give it a shot.

Yep.

Casper Lee.

I mean, it's pretty obvious that we have built a pretty great relationship with Casper.

They know what we can do.

They know that we're loyal Casper enthusiasts.

Let's just deliver the goods because

let's deliver the goods, and then Casper will deliver the real goods right to people's front doors.

That was almost like that was written for me.

That was just right off the cuff.

Go ahead.

Casper products are cleverly designed to mimic human curves, providing supportive comfort for all kinds of bodies.

The original Casper mattress combines multiple supported memory foams for a quality sleep surface with the right amounts of both sync and bounce.

Casper offers two other mattresses, the Wave and the Essential.

The Wave features a patent-pending premium support system to mirror the natural shape of the body, and the Essential has a steamline design at a price that won't keep you up at night.

Affordable prices Casper offers affordable prices because it cuts out the middleman and sells directly to you.

Take a breath.

You're like, that's like one long breath.

That was like one long run-on sentence.

Come on, man.

Casper deserves better than that.

Well, Casper also offers hassle-free returns if you're not completely satisfied.

And they deliver right to your door in a small, how do they do that-sized box?

I think that is one of the best aspects of the Casper experience.

It defies

reason why it's fun to see a mattress slowly come out of a box the way it does, but I'm telling you, it can,

I mean,

people should be videotaping it and put and posting it online because it's that the, I know, but to do it in person, though, is a hundred times better to watch a video of a Casper mattress slowly coming out of a box.

Get $50 to our select mattresses by visiting casper.com/slash TESD using promo code TESD at checkout.

That's better.

Bring it on home.

You know what that means?

It means finish.

It means finish it.

Finish the ad.

Terms and conditions apply.

That's important.

That's important.

Any code?

Any money off?

I just said you can get $50 towards select mattresses by visiting casper.com slash TESD.

That's T, that's E, that's S, and that's D.

And terms and conditions apply.

Any last thoughts?

Any last little bull?

Anything that we must read on here?

Anything about personal experience?

Anything about

no?

We've covered it?

Oh, I mean,

we all have Caspar's, and they're pretty good, so.

Come on.

You can deliver a

testimonial better than that.

I sleep on a Casper mattress every night, and I want to go back to it right now.

Pretty good.

That was excellent.

I mean, you're probably thinking that every moment of the day.

You're not just saying that because you don't want to get through this ad.

You're just saying your Casper is so,

so comfortable that you just want to get back to it at any point in the day.

You'd rather be in the Casper

than be in school, be with your friends, nothing.

It's all pales to sleeping on that Casper.

Yep.

Let me just make sure you covered everything.

What's in that yellow?

All that

all the highlights.

Oh, good.

You didn't address these.

Do not address following under any circumstances bullet points.

Good.

I'm glad you didn't mention those.

I think that's it.

I think we're done.

Host must voiced.

You can be sure of your purchase with Casper's honey.

You said that.

I think we're good.

Okay.

All right.

Say good night.

Good night.

Good night.

We have somebody here, Walt.

longtime aunt.

This is a rarity that we have a listener on, and we haven't met him before.

His name is Joff Joffrey Locke.

What's your name on Twitter?

The phonetic spellings, J-A-W-F-R-E-L-O-K.

That is a fucking radio voice.

Let me tell you why I already don't like the guy.

He's got the best voice of all of us.

He's got a better voice than me, and he's in better shape than I am.

But he has.

What exactly do you have?

You have angioimmunoblastic T cell lymphoma.

All right.

To me and you, that's cancer, blood cancer.

Correct.

Can you say,

wasn't she a great big fat person?

Wasn't she a great big fat person?

Yeah.

Remember in Silence of the Lambs?

At the very end, doesn't he sound like Buffalo Bill?

Oh,

fuck me.

Yeah.

I'm going to to have to lower a few registers to compete with you.

I can bring it up.

Can you?

Yeah, can you talk like a little girl for me?

I don't know about that, but I'll try to talk like this maybe.

It still sounds amazing.

Yeah, pretty good voice.

Yeah,

that's like a movie trailer voice right there.

I always tried to get into it, but it's very difficult.

You're like, in a world where Mike and Ming had a third guy.

I mean, you really went out for the movie trailer business?

Well, I tried for voiceovers or voiceover acting for a while.

It's really difficult to get into because once somebody gets into it, they're doing it forever.

Yeah, you got the voice, oh, man.

Wow.

It's not too deep, you think?

Maybe a little too deep.

I tried to win

way back when, the competition for the voiceovers, and then it was Johnny Schramm that won.

Like I said, I'm old school, Johnny Schramm.

I've been around a while, and yes, if you could come down, unfortunately, Q isn't here today, but you're sitting in the coveted Q seat.

Sweet.

So

when did you, how old are you?

46.

Just turned it forty six, actually.

And you found out that you had this when?

How old were you?

June of last year.

It's a little bit better than a year.

How did you know?

I had this absolutely disgusting, like you'd imagine to be a goiter on the side of my neck.

Yeah.

Just growing out, they thought it was just, you know, some sort of

lymph node issue.

Went to see somebody once, then, you know, went back, and

finally, when they decided to do a biopsy, they found out it was lymphoma.

Walt said, you know, I told him you were coming in, and he said he feels no sympathy for you.

He's like, you shouldn't have smoked then.

I shouldn't have smoked.

Were you a smoker?

No.

No.

It's blood cancer, you said, right?

Yeah.

No, what do they, okay?

So you find out, and obviously you're like, fuck,

this sucks.

Yeah.

What's the next step?

Like, they just tell you what to do, basically?

Like,

this is the treatment plan we've got for you.

Yeah.

As soon as they identified it, I was in the hospital within probably two weeks to start my first round of chemotherapy at

UConn.

And yeah, it's pretty fast.

Once they realize it and they realize how kind of advanced it was, though lymphoma can be more advanced than others, they wanted to get me in instantaneously.

So it's like almost in a day they find out it's cancer and then you're you're in a hospital within like the week.

do you have decent uh health insurance oh i have uh the one that everyone hates uh because i don't have a job anymore so i get uh what's like husky health in connecticut but uh it's uh it basically takes care of everything like a state-sponsored so yeah good for you man rather my money going to that than to the bullshit you see it going to well that's why i always say something like when they talk about all these people who are taking advantage of the system.

If I didn't have this thing, I would either be dead or I'd be in debt like a million dollars, I think, is what my doctor told me because these procedures are just outrageously expensive.

Right.

What do you say, Walt?

I don't know.

Do you, uh, are you a religious guy?

Faith, but no, I'm not religious at all.

No.

No.

Don't go to church.

No.

And you didn't start?

I did when I was a kid, but then like.

I mean, you didn't start after you found out you weren't.

Oh, no.

No.

My beliefs are still the same.

God doesn't have it out for me.

I just got cancer.

Huh.

Would it be better for the show if I said I was mad?

Honestly, I thought you'd be crying by now.

Yeah, I'm madder at a puppy

at Texas Roadhouse.

Do you listen to me and say, like, this guy needs to get some perspective?

Or do you say, he's just, he's unstable?

What are you going to do?

You specifically?

No, I typically agree with a lot of the shit you say.

I find it interesting because there's a lot of me in you and then a lot of me in him.

I'm like very antisocial.

I have severe social anxiety.

So like when I, like one time you, the previous year or two years ago, when you showed up to the Mohegan Sun and Mike and Ming were there and Mike busted my chops, I realized I just need to walk away.

When Mike's the one gagging on me and making me look like an idiot, it's like, well, okay, I just wanna.

What did he say to you?

I think I leaned over, said something stupid to you, like, just keep it up, man.

It's awesome.

You know, keep on doing what you're doing.

And then Mike said something like, oh, that's great advice.

And I just thought, oh, my God, I just was like burned by Mike Zapzick.

I told Q the other day, I was like, I saw somebody tweet something, and I was going to tweet something back that I thought was funny, but would be considered super offensive.

Right.

And I was like, before I did it, I was like, what would Walt and Q do?

And then I was like, well, Walt would go under a totally different name and not even admit that it's him.

And

Q would definitely not tweet this.

And then I didn't.

Realized.

Yeah, I showed some restraint.

I was kind of of proud of myself i did tell i did tell troy though i had to tell troy

um

hey you know what let me get your your uh opinion on this because sage started school uh the other day their girl started school right yeah and they send the attendance policy well first they sent this um

they sent this questionnaire and they ask a bunch of questions about her and her family and her home life, what her favorite shows are, all this other stuff.

Really?

Yeah.

Seems a bit in invasive?

Maybe a little.

Yeah, that's why I was like, why does it matter?

Why does it matter?

Yeah, that seems strange.

I never, why didn't you get one of those questionnaires?

No.

And it's weird because it's the same teachers last year, so I don't know why they would need updated information.

But one of the questions was,

is there anything else you'd like us to know about Sage?

And I wrote, She insisted on purchasing a black trench coat for school this year.

Now, is that in poor taste to write that joke?

Is that a joke?

I know he laughed, but I don't get it.

Columbine, they wore the black trench coat.

Oh, oh,

trench coat mafia.

I think it's a little, I think it's this many years later.

I don't know if anybody's going to get that joke.

Young teacher, too.

Young teacher?

I do find that fewer and fewer people get my jokes, like my references.

They're like, all right, whatever.

And I think it's even less likely she may have gotten the joke than if she's a young teacher.

But she's a teacher.

She has to know the history of school shootings, right?

I don't know if that's part of the curriculum.

It's a pretty fucking famous one.

I mean, that's like the granddaddy, right?

Black jackets have kind of fallen out of favor for these people, though, haven't they?

I don't remember the last one there was referral.

What are they wearing now?

Some sort of gender-fluid fucking bullshit?

I thought pajama bottoms and slippers.

Yeah, right.

They are.

They're terrorizing me when I'm trying to eat a breakfast or something.

I ran into one of those when we were at our rest stop.

So, did you write that?

Yeah.

Does that seem like not a good joke to write to a teacher?

I would be shocked if they even got it, to be honest with you.

Did they even get the joke?

Did they even question it?

Nobody even said anything about it.

Yeah, probably like

right over to everybody's heads, and you're like going, you're waiting by the phone, like knee slapping, telling Mary Beth, like, oh, this is going to be great.

Would I finally get it?

Oh, I'll put her on a speaker.

I'll put it on a speaker.

I want to catch this.

Don't answer the phone.

If it's not the school, hang up.

What the fuck you want, Pam?

I'm waiting for a poem.

I made a great joke.

I think you may be waiting there for a while because

I don't know if anybody's going to get that joke

or even like they may think that

she wants to compliment

on this jacket that she bought because

I don't think immediately everybody's going to leap towards the Columbine reference to that joke.

So what you're saying is it needs a PS.

Yeah,

what I'm saying is, yeah, maybe.

For the sake of clarity, if you're going to tell those edgy jokes that you want to tell,

you may want to get into the 2018

or Lee or 2017 at best

references because 1995 ones or even was that 95?

It was like 98, I think.

No, I think it was after, I think it was before Columbine was, I believe, in 90.

No, no way it was after

95.

No way, not that way.

96.

You're looking it up, Joffrey.

97.

Joff's on on it.

I was working at the community center because I remember where I was when I got the news.

It was in Funtime America.

Oh, yeah?

April 20th, 1999.

1999.

Wow.

So that was the very tail end of it.

Yeah, when I was working, yeah.

I remember coming.

I talked to me about mass shootings, Matt.

I'm usually within a year or so of the shooting.

Oh, yeah, that's

how foolish of me.

That's your wheelhouse.

I'll tell you.

And by the way, flat feet

are are now allowed in the military.

That's what they just check, yeah.

Just check.

I mean, if they're like, you know what, gays, you want to fight?

Do it.

I seriously doubt they're like, well, flat feet.

Yeah.

Yeah, I wonder why it was.

I mean, maybe it was the boots.

They didn't have the proper footwear for these people, and they didn't want to.

They're like, now we got to invest in fucking orthotics and shit for fuck's sake.

I can't imagine.

They're going to get shot right away.

I can't imagine why that they were just like, no, flat feet.

Because it never really hampered me anything I want to do.

I can't think of anything that I like.

I mean.

Well, walk around in sandals.

You don't normally do that.

Well, that's because my toes look like gnarly.

They look like something out of a

out of a fucking di that uh who's that Dario Agento fucking film.

Oh, yeah.

It's more scary.

It's more scary than

it looks like her talons digging into the meat of a 17-year-old boy.

I don't know if I ever told this on the pod.

And when I was working at the community center, there was a group of

kids, kids and it was one of the very few times that I ever uh went went into a pool in Freehold for some reason and I had my shoes off.

And there was a bunch of kids that could not stop fucking ragging on me about my toes'cause it it looked like I had kicked this like I kicked a wall like like of a thousand times and never let my foot heal because my toes are just like, you know, they're they're gross.

And um, yeah, I was the subject of much

ridicule on the bus ride home.

Uncle Walton with his sandals.

Yeah, no open-toe shoes for me.

My wife is like, you know, I know that it's not the best look to have socks on, Dorn, intimate times, but she's like, keep those socks on

if you're coming to bed with that look in your eye.

Right, yeah.

But you should just set socks tattooed onto your feet.

Yeah, they're pretty, they're pretty,

they're a sight, I'll just say that.

You, um, you said, oh, wait, let me ask you this first.

This is from the school.

Now,

these are the kind of things that, like, I read this, like, they send me this email to school.

I read this, and there are times when I'm like, am I in the real world?

Like, is this real?

Like, I can't tell if I'm in the real world or not.

Like, have I, like, have I lost my mind and this is what it feels like?

Probably.

Okay, because

this is about.

I wonder that too, but not about me.

This is is about.

The following absence reasons are excused absences and do not count toward loss of credit or retention.

Okay.

Take your child to workday.

You're allowed to go through.

I don't think you...

I mean...

Hey.

I don't know.

Tell them, Steve, Dave, if you're like recording a podcast, really?

You like work?

Would that fall under the category of quote-unquote work?

Unless I want to call myself unemployed, then yes.

The other thing would be you can go to colleges up to three a year.

That's only for 11th and 12th grade students.

Right.

Or observance of religious holidays.

All right.

Okay.

All other absence reasons, including medical absences, are unexcused.

Without a note?

No.

Even if you have a note, it doesn't matter anymore.

So if you want to stay home, hang out with your imaginary buddy in the sky, that's excused.

If you're legitimately sick, like Sage gets sinus infection, sometimes he's out for two or three days at a time.

That is not excused.

Even with a doctor's note, even with a doctor's visit, what fucking crazy-ass world are we living in where a religious holiday is excused, but a kid who is legitimately sick is not?

And you could stay back if you're too sick.

Yeah, that seems like if you don't have a, I thought a doctor's note would definitely get you the way.

Excused note.

note.

I wonder why I guess people were abusing it though.

They wouldn't do this if there wasn't if they weren't getting this didn't come down from the

Board of Education.

It came down from the state.

The state, I guess, are sticklers for shit.

But I mean, what is any government, though?

A bunch of fuck-ups that are like, hey, man, let's just make this rule.

This sounds like a good rule.

Who's not going to get mad at us?

Oh, we can't have the Jews mad at us, can't have the Catholics mad at us, can't have the Muslims mad at us.

You know who we can have mad at us?

Parents whose fucking kids are just sick.

Right?

Because parents whose kids are just, like, kids that that are just sick they're not a protected group nobody's going to be like oh you're anti-fucking sick kid because you're not i i think again you're you're creating a a scenario that a conversation that never existed nobody had that conversation

there's no way there's no way no probably not probably not because they're not a corporation that's looking for approval but what reason could there be that you're like, I don't care if your kid's sick.

It's not excused.

However, if some bullshit happened a million years ago, allegedly, and you want to fucking sit home and, and you know they're not fucking really, you know it's not.

You don't know that.

I do.

Don't make these generalizations about what people are doing or not doing.

We all know.

But is there any real

fear that she's going to miss enough days where she stays back?

Last year she almost did.

She almost stayed back.

No, not that she almost stayed back, but two more days and it would have been troublesome.

There's no summer school?

No, she goes to summer school anyway.

But I don't think there's a special need summer school.

Yeah, they weren't that like casual about it with me, though.

Like when they told me, they're like, hey, two more days.

And then the state gets involved.

Like maybe something's going on at home.

And it doesn't matter if you have the fucking doctor's notes because I have doctor's notes for every single day except when I took her to Florida, which was like four days.

Well, that was.

You shouldn't have took her to Florida.

If she's sickly, though, you should have been like, you know what, you're too sickly.

Can't take a chance.

And these extra four days could really come back to bite us.

Fucking Tiny Tim year-round.

Yeah, I'm like, here's why we're not going to.

Remember how I said we were going to go to Disney?

Well, here's why.

Well, I'm sorry, but

you knew that if you're on the cusp of staying back, it was January when we went.

So, like, the rest of the year, I didn't know if she's going to get sick again or not.

It wasn't like it was right on the bubble, and I'm like, fuck it, let's go.

I know, I was like, no, my wife'd have no sympathy for you.

She'd be like, you know what?

Not for you, but not saying no sympathy.

But she's like, she'd be like, those are the rules.

She never takes off, even when she's sick.

Well, that's good, because that's what you want, a bunch of sick people running around a school getting other people sick.

That doesn't make sense uh i i thought that was kind of weird yeah and uh you know uh i don't his wife is a teacher in connecticut and i believe when you say he you mean your friend rob over here

sorry apologies um that uh if you run a fever you're not supposed to bring your kid to school the next day because of

the possibility of just passing it throughout the school so it does seem a little ridiculous i've had her sent home for that same reason that they're like yeah she's oh what about you do that but you bring her to school and then she gets, and then she goes to the nurse and says, Okay, we'll send her home.

Why is everything in my life a fucking wake-up round?

Why can't people just be rational and reasonable?

And as opposed to being like, hey, I don't give a fuck how sick they are, it doesn't matter.

But would that work, though?

Instead of why do I got to get the kid up every day and be like, I know you feel like shit, but the fucking state says that unless you're going to praise God today, you got to fucking go to school.

It doesn't matter how sick you are.

I don't know why

you're blaming God for

religious holidays.

Right, but they're like, but don't bring God into it.

It has nothing to do with this.

But that's excused.

No, it does.

It does.

It has everything to do with it.

How can I not look at that and say, like, well, that's fucking crazy.

That if you're going to stay home for a religious holiday,

why don't you join the board?

You know, you have to pay to join the PTA these days?

When the fuck did that happen?

You got enough.

You got enough money.

What?

You got enough money to join the board.

You got enough to fucking say.

You could hold court up there.

You could get up there on the podium and deliver all the things that you hate all the things that you think are wrong how everybody's wrong but brian johnson right and then and then you decide or make decisions up there and that'll be meaningful what if they bring up my dark history of awesome jokes that i say to the teacher

but you know what i mean but instead of like you know you can make real legitimate change i could

wait and now i got to take on the state well that's what you can't win against the government they're a bunch of shitheels There's been nobody knows what the fuck they're doing.

Everybody thinks they would know what to do once they got in, though.

Here's what I do.

I can see a touchstone movie based upon

the way you change things in New Jersey.

Didn't the kid from The Mighty Ducks die recently?

That was a touchstone movie, right?

I think the goalie or something from The Mighty Ducks died.

I don't know.

Drug overdose.

You don't like Mighty Ducks?

No, that was garbage.

Fucking hockey.

Yeah, but it was a bad representation of hockey.

It was everything hockey wasn't supposed to to be, which is funny.

So why don't you just

take her to work every time she gets sick?

Well, take her to work day is actually just

selected days.

Yeah, you can't just be like she's at work.

There's like there's two specific days in the calendar year.

No, she's literally at work.

I hope you're like working on it.

I love that you put it in quotes, too, because you know it's not work.

If it's the only thing I do,

the only source of income.

But it's so funny

he put it in air quotes.

Coach Off did?

Well, I'm over here

looking up the Mighty Ducks kid.

Turn your back on me.

Sean Weiss checks into rehub after his shocking drug arrest.

Okay, it's not that he died, it's that he looks like that after.

What was that Mighty Ducks?

Like late 80s?

Ooh, that was, yeah, that was definitely early 90s, I would think,

if not late 80s.

Yeah, that's a fall from Greece.

That looks like it could be his dad, right?

Yeah, that's meth.

That's rough.

There's no way that's not meth.

Hey, yeah, let's talk about the good parts of having cancer, which are the drugs they must give you.

Anything great so far?

No, no.

What?

No, yeah.

I'm on a trial drug, which has actually been working in keeping the cancer remission.

That's why I've been able to stay out of the hospital, because if it didn't, I'd have to go in and start the six cycles of chemotherapy again before I get the radiation therapy.

And then it's just

such a wonderful road to travel.

But

nothing as far as painkillers are concerned.

Which, by the way, I was concerned about

wow, so nothing good.

No weed, no additional weed.

I haven't been sick.

That's the problem.

I just got to start throwing up really bad.

Are you so

a day later?

How do you feel right now?

I feel honestly pretty good.

Really?

Yeah.

You don't feel like under the weather at all?

You just feel just.

If I have anything, it's still, I'm still

kind of going through the problems that my first bout with chemotherapy created, which is muscle atrophy.

I can't really run.

It's just

a lot of things that you take for granted, you end up with like foot drop because you're constantly laying down.

And next thing you know, your Achilles tendons are tightening up and your calf muscles are tightening up.

Like it feels like cramping.

It's like literally this, they're shortening is basically what's happening because you're laying down so much and your feet obviously flop down when you're when you're laying.

And the next thing you know, I'm I'm having a hard time walking.

I have to go to a physical therapist and and work on my balance again because I fall over because I can't feel my feet.

Um it's it's not great.

So right now though, are you walking around right now and everything's good?

Yeah.

I mean it's it's there's times where it gets kind of painful.

Like my feet don't feel great right now.

They just have a tendency to feel like they're kind of on fire.

And that's supposedly the sensation coming back to my feet, which is obviously a good thing, but it doesn't feel good.

Your feet used to feel like they're on fire all the time.

Well, they feel like they're on fire now, in general.

They didn't before, they were fine, you know, get cold, get hot, whatever.

But now it feels like, I guess, because the sensation is slowly making its way back,

and it's going to just go away again as soon as I go into the hospital.

Right.

Huh.

Kind of.

So you have to go back in the hospital in early October, you see?

The 25th, I go in for actually radiation, start radiation in September.

And then October 12th, I go back in for,

I assume, more radiation as well as the beginning of stem cell replacement.

And this time, it's not my own, it's somebody else's.

All right.

Stem cells.

The thing the religious freaks didn't want.

Like George Bush was a guns.

Fucking asshole.

Morons.

Though all mine are collected from adults.

So I guess it's the babies

after the baby ones.

You could harvest a live infant for stem cells.

Like, if I had cancer, I wouldn't even care.

I'd be like, you need to chop up a live baby, get his stem cells out of them, and put them in me.

If they asked you to do it, let's do it.

Let's do it.

I have tons of memories and shit.

People are always so concerned when babies die, right?

But it's like,

what the fuck?

What about me?

I got a family, I got people who like me.

I got jokes to tell.

Yeah, but you got to be able to do that.

But that baby, that baby hasn't proven itself yet.

But you had your chance and you, and you.

I fucked up.

Yeah.

Yeah, you had your chance on.

You're going to turn me into stem cells pretty soon.

Yeah.

I don't know.

That kind of shit drives me crazy.

Because really, what is that?

It's the same as the fucking attendance policy.

Science versus

versus religion.

So it's like, no, we don't think you should use stem cells.

But we are using stem cells, right?

They fought against it.

And George Bush, like, didn't he veto something about it?

He tried to get rid of it on multiple occasions.

Though my understanding was it more of infant stem cells because they're like in this stage where they haven't even begun to really develop in the child.

Mine, I have to go searching through a wireless.

I don't know if they take

the umbilical cord, don't they?

It's not like they fucking harvest them out of kids.

No, I don't.

That was my understanding, too, though.

Then what would be the argument?

I don't understand.

Well, why are people against it, though?

It has something to do with fucking creating life or blah, blah, blah.

Because I can't remember the exact argument.

It was so long ago.

But I remember thinking, like, fucking people's morality and beliefs being fucking imposed on everyone else, whether it's stem cells or what you say or any number of things, drugs, is like, what the fuck, man?

Come on.

Like, because you believe a certain thing doesn't mean I got to fucking believe it, but man, you better.

You get upset on the point.

But I still don't understand it, though.

Why would people be upset if and they said no babies?

They didn't want them taken from babies.

How do you, but like, from a live baby?

I mean,

not that it's like they take the baby and they're like, give us your stem cells.

I think when the baby's born, they can take stem cells from the umbilical cord, that kind of thing.

And store them in case the baby gets sick.

Yeah, or give them

kind of like blood.

Like, what's the difference between taking blood?

I don't get the difference.

I don't understand, though.

Why were people against that, though?

What did they think was going to what?

How did they think that science was going to abuse it?

Because that must have been what they thought there was going to get

abused.

Abused.

I guess it were embryonic stem cell reach search and ethical dilemma.

I mean, this is a Harvard paper, so I don't really fucking

think people want me to read this right now.

I just remember it being a big thing, and it was religious.

Yeah, I heard it.

I remember hearing it too, but I, again, you know, it's that situation where

it's shitty to say, but like, if it doesn't really, since I'm not, it's not can really have anything to do with me, I'm not, it's not vital to me.

So it's like, it's kind of like over my head.

I'm not really thinking about it.

I don't know why the argument is so passionate for both sides.

But you don't know if he does.

Like you said, right, right.

I know.

I know.

Now that you know somebody, then you're like, oh, my God, yeah, it makes perfect sense.

Why would anybody be against this?

But if you don't have,

if you're not going through it and you're not really, you know, and you're involved with your own life, you don't really

know what the argument is against it.

I wonder why they were so passionately against it, though.

I don't know.

I think it had to do with like science versus life.

Like the same as cloning kind of thing.

If I remember correctly, that was the basis of their argument.

That they didn't want it to be used later on for more

purposes than they were.

Did they clone people?

They think that

they create life or whatever.

Most people

stem cells are basically like the building block for everything as far as like your white blood cells, red blood cells.

I'm sure this is thrilling.

Oh, no.

Platelets and so forth.

So like when, like for me, I went in, they removed, they like basically catheterized my neck, took out my own stem cells, they put it through a centrifuge, they put it in a preservative, then they freeze it.

And then, however, like a week and a half later, two weeks later, I'm going in there, putting them back in.

The idea is that they go back into your marrow.

And what they do is they just, they're like the building block of life.

They'll start creating platelets and they'll start doing neutrophil and they'll start creating white and red blood cells so that you can start fending off disease and so forth.

Like, that's my big thing right now: I have to be, like, John Travolta and the Bowing the Bubble to some extent because

oh, you can't be around.

You don't want to be around somebody who's not feeling good.

Yeah.

The pills I take, you know, are doing a great job, but they also

shoot all my counts to shit.

So next thing you know, I could get a cold.

Well, basically, the rule of thumb is if I get a 100.4 temperature, I have to go into the hospital because they've got to figure out what the problem is because it could get complicated.

Isn't that everyone who has 104 fever?

No, 100.

100.4.

100.4.

Yeah, so it's not much higher.

Have you gotten sick

like a common cold since this is happening?

You got to maintain the...

Well, it's been going off stage.

I move the mic because when you hold it away from your mouth, the volume dips in and out.

I don't think I moved it though.

Definitely did.

Since the diagnosis, have you gotten to eat like a common cold?

I got one cold and it lasted a long time.

I didn't pop off with a huge temperature, thankfully, so I didn't end it up in the hospital.

But

coincidentally, I got, I mean, it's been one hell of a year.

I got appendicitis, went into the hospital, and that's where I got my cold.

Was it connected to what's going on or just totally something that unrelated?

With the appendicitis.

But yeah, as far as we know, it's just completely unrelated.

Though it's, you know, the appendix is part of your immune system.

It's tied to your immune system, so it could definitely.

I guess they don't, like, from what this, the Harvard Gazette is saying, they don't like that they're taking cells from embryos after they become

you know, after conception and it becomes, I guess at conception, it becomes life.

The conservative Christian view is that human life is created at conception.

Contrast it with the view amongst Jews that an embryo doesn't become human until 40 days after conception.

Some of us don't become human even 50 years after conception.

A similar Muslim view that human life begins when the soul enters the developing baby, sometimes between 40 days and 120 days after conception.

So three different religious groups are like: here's what we think.

None of it based on anything except a bunch of old bullshit, and therefore you shouldn't do any stem cell research.

And I don't think that's the common religious view.

but

that's kind of gone by the wayside.

They are heavily working with stem cell research still.

Yeah.

Science.

Well, like I said, for mine, it's a different situation because I have to go into like basically, I guess, blood donors, and people will volunteer to become stem cell donors.

So the first time they took out my stem cells, they put them back in.

I got really sick.

I had some sort of a weird graph versus host response.

Stress development

reference.

was that true yeah

well in the the loosest sense i mean yes um the uh

so you next thing you know you're you're having like i've got word salad i'm not making sense the only thing i know is that i wasn't making sense which made me think like okay i'm not that bad because in my head i know what i'm thinking but what's coming out of my mouth is not right it just wasn't good and now

the difference is i have to get it from a hundred percent match and then go back and do everything again and my immediate thought was like i didn't do very well with my own.

How the hell am I going to do with somebody else's?

But they, you know, claim that that will play no part in it.

And the fact that I had a lot of people.

Well, how long did that last where you were talking?

I was in a, when that picture was taken, that was my 32nd day in the hospital.

This is a lot of people.

Oh, so you got to stay the whole time?

They won't let me leave.

And in the case of my, I had to wait until my accounts basically came up to

a decent level.

This new one, which is like it's, you know, it's got so many inherent problems with it anyway, but this new one is going to be, I don't leave until I'm 100%

somebody else's stem cells, which seems kind of ridiculous.

So 100% of your stems will be gone after the

afternoon.

You don't know the person?

No.

Is it more than one person or is it just one person?

One guy that that's all I know.

He said to the guy.

Is this guy still walking around?

I have no idea.

They won't even tell you, huh?

Because would you want to know?

See, now I'm having a joke in my head that you would say that I probably shouldn't.

No, no.

No, do I care?

No.

If it saves my life, the problem is, like, it's the.

Well, the way he looks, you would expect him to be like, as long as a day in a black or shooting.

Well, that's exactly what I was going to say.

I can edit that.

You should.

But, I mean, I would see,

I would think you'd be like, you know, I'd love to look up this guy and thank him.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I mean, especially if it works out.

Right.

Because getting it and even getting to 100% is not me out of the woods, unfortunately.

It's still, I learned that the T cells, the reason why it works great is it will recognize the cancer no matter what and obliterate the cancer.

Problem is the T cells will then go on to see your T cells as something foreign and start attacking your body.

So your organs or your,

one case I heard, I forget the name of it, was a one for skin.

And literally my skin will get tight and tough to the point where I won't be able to bend my arms.

And it's a permanent problem.

Though they're, you know, quick to tell me like, oh, there's medications that you can take, but, you know, how much can they really do?

It's just, you know, that's the roll of the dice.

And everyone's like, oh, he's like, how are you keeping up with this stuff?

It's like, there's nothing.

This is the first time in my life where I'm not worried about anything because there's just absolutely no reason for it.

I don't know what's going to happen.

Nobody knows what's going to happen.

One person goes in and it's, you know, lights out in a day.

Another person lives the rest of their life.

I just got to hope for the best.

Did you want to pass down so much?

No,

when you found out, when they're like, hey, here's a deal, after that, that, did you start living life differently?

Because you said this, like coming to the show and watching, I don't think you expected to sit in and carry the show, actually.

No.

I told you we need three men.

It's just a voice, if anything.

Yeah, if he was all squeaky, like

probably wouldn't take him a seriously.

It wouldn't be sympathetic.

Holy shit.

No.

They're not a get him fan.

You used to shit on yourself for your laugh, and I find your laugh, like, I don't necessarily find it consoling like Brian does, but I find your laugh causes me to laugh.

Because the best parts of you guys is when you're going at each other like tooth and nail and I just sit there and I just one of my favorite episodes is the one for the what was the place you guys performed at in LA and you did the podcast for it.

Oh, the grammar.

No,

it was

factory.

All I know is that when you guys went into your conversation about like you getting pissed pissed and walking out of the room and him, it's like when you guys go at each other, there is nothing funnier.

That's one of the reasons why I always say, just do whatever the hell comes to you and stop worrying about people that are bitching about the dumbest shit.

What's your feelings on Get him?

I don't have to work with him.

Fuck all the stem cell stuff.

I don't have to work with them.

Do you see too much or not enough or just write them out?

Again, I feel like

that

whatever.

No, no, I mean, literally, I've seen him come on and he has nothing.

And then there's other times

he comes on and he gives you guys so much fodder to work with that it's like, holy shit, that's what is amazing just because he just flaps his gums and says literally.

I did what I was telling Brian before the record that I was listening to.

I'm a little bit behind.

I was listening to the one where you guys were presenting your MJ and all the different things.

Oh, okay, yes, yeah.

Absolutely fucking hilarious for one, but two, listening to him and him having knives like stashed throughout his his fucking apartment.

The other day, he had a woman.

He brought him, yeah, he brought him.

I was like, I thought you were saying he stashed one at the stash.

I'm like, holy shit.

And Walt knows.

But I mean, that I literally just was like, I cannot believe this guy.

And it's that kind of shit.

Or the stories about his childhood and Christmases that you guys went on.

You know, he just gives you something to run with.

And nine times out of ten, it's usually fantastic.

He's an oddity.

I see why people find him like irritating at times.

Even when we're recording, sometimes he interjects too much.

I'm like, all right, enough.

But for the most part, I do feel like he's kind of a gold mine.

He gives unintentionally gives.

The only thing I hate is the

he can't help it, though.

That's like my laughter.

But he does it.

They can't help it.

What do you expect him to lose 150 pounds?

I was listening to that.

Basically, you guys encouraged him to get fat and stuff.

I'm just laughing.

And he just sits there.

And it's just like, what are you supposed to say to that?

It's amazing.

What I found,

what also

I found him to be

lately he's on a roll with like like on stuff, not on Telum Steve, Dave.

I'm talking about on a roll in real life.

Like he's

helpful.

He's

quick to find out how something works and figure it out to my benefit.

He's been on a super roll.

I thought you had any lossy ability to walk, and you guys literally have to roll him around the fucking store.

So I have to say,

he's been very good.

If that's any consolation to you, he's making Walt's life easier here.

Yeah, he has been.

And so that's why I'm like, yeah, to me, I'm like, I don't.

I mean, upcoming Halloween episode.

He does say that.

If you don't fall in love again with Giddam,

that's to be the tagline, fall in love again with Giddam, because he's so damn good in it.

And

he's so willing to just be like if we're like, hey, would you do this?

Yes.

He's sassy.

He's so great.

And aesthetically, you won't believe that a man has so little shame.

It is 100% him.

What do you mean?

When he's on, like, the get him

is the get him that he is whenever

there's no mics on.

I mean, I think it's even, I think, it's even worse because I think I'm

more prone to

leash out at him and because he's because at times it can be frustrating.

But, you know, like I said, he has been very,

very, very good lately uh for a long time so we you know he's kind of the puppy you take to the house.

Yeah, yeah, that folks.

You can be more Jeff too.

I mean like I said uh Frank Five to Sunday Jeff to you know Dave Windorf like I said you guys always manage to extract something out of it.

That's why when I see these like the post that guy did earlier today, I was just like I I just I don't get it.

If you don't like it, then why the fuck are you listening to it kind of thing.

Do you now when you're in a long stay at the hospital, what do you do to pass the time?

Oh, I last time.

That's it.

Well, last time I brought in, I had a little 32-inch television, brought in my PS4, brought in, you know, I'll bring in, I listen to a lot of Tell him Steve Dave again, because like a lot of people, I'll start, go back to the beginning again, start listening.

Cool.

Yeah.

Fell in love with Giddam all over again.

And every time that, like, that first episode that he shows up, it's always like, oh, here it goes.

So it begins.

No one will be the same.

You said that this was on your bucket list.

Did you add other things?

Like, did you start living differently?

Because a lot of people are like, no, I'm going to really seize the day.

No, because like I said, I'm still that guy that has a hard time getting out.

So I've spent a lot of time inside.

I've been morbidly going through my stuff and seeing what I should just throw away so that my parents don't have to deal with if something happens.

But the only thing I really want to do is the Tellum Steve Dave stuff.

We're not going to throw that.

No, no, no.

And boy, I thought I was so into it.

And then I see some of these people that tweet like these walls.

And I'm just like, holy shit.

You ever see a Smod fan?

Yes.

Smod fans.

He's the curator of the Tellum Steve Dave Museum.

Yeah.

So I like to give him stuff because I'm just like, I know he'll put it somewhere safe.

And like,

I mean,

if there's a house fire, I don't think he'd save anything but his Tellum Steve Dave of birth.

His mom's like, that's Mod Finn.

Save me.

His mom.

I don't think he lives with his mom.

I think he's married.

Oh, is he?

No, I know he's married.

Yeah, he met his mom.

I thought he was a young guy.

I thought he was like 18 or something.

No, he's not 18.

He's younger than us, definitely.

Yeah, but he's hardcore.

Yeah.

Yeah, he's hardcore.

Like I said, I believe that

faced with

his wife's birth certificate and his birth certificate like stuff you really need he might be torn between grabbing his vinyl casts

and and the and the papers they may need to start their to restart their lives

they got their licenses

that's that's hardcore yeah yeah i i thought i was i was in the ballpark but i'm nowhere nowhere near now you got now you got you got your one up on smod fan though oh you're on tomstream yeah so that i can now be the guy that everyone says oh my god that guy's so annoying and boring and shit like that.

It'll happen.

Oh, I know, I know.

No one's

no one.

Well, I don't know.

I feel like

I've been on a roll for a couple of years.

I'm pretty much immune to criticism.

Clearly, you haven't been on credit.

It's still potato chip rye.

Tef on Waltz, maybe.

Oh, yeah.

I mean,

you'd be hard-pressed, I think, to find some criticism.

I'm not saying it's not, I wouldn't be deserved of it.

I mean,

but

you're invited people to criticize.

on Twitter.

Like, what don't you like about what's going on?

I still, you know, maybe I'll take it on the laugh.

I get it.

That can definitely be.

I can't stand it either because I've been editing The Sunday Jeff Show.

Drives me nuts.

Drives me nuts.

I'm just like, please remind me not to laugh, to suppress a laugh.

Totally do not do that.

Please do not.

I cannot stand it, though.

Oh, my God.

It's like so fucking contagious.

And like when, like, the, like, you know, uh,

um,

uh,

this is the other thing: I have chemo brain, so I forget things sometimes.

Uh, when you went to Collingwood, yes, and like when they, you guys were busting on

Dennis, and he's literally rolling on the floor, and you can tell because it's so far away from the mic, but you're just laughing so hard, and like, we broke Walt.

And every single time I still hear that shit, or like, you know,

why fat, you know, like these things that I've heard.

Listen to the episodes many times, and every single time it just has me cracking up.

The first time I really got got into it was, and I'm not even sure where it falls in the timeline, but the

cloning episode on some

holy shit, dude.

I just like to create your own friend or brother or whatever.

I just, I

listened to that thing so many times just because it cracks me up.

And that's ultimately why I was like, why am I not listening to Tell him, Steve, Dave?

Sorry, I was.

No, no.

We need that.

Yeah, we need that shit.

You see how we take it on the chin.

Say our online.

You see how

I'll bring voice.

I'll bring Rob.

I got Rob into listening to it, too.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, good.

Did you add anything else to your bucket list?

And did you have one prior to?

No, definitely not.

I don't think, you know,

I don't know why, and maybe this is why I don't

appear to be worried, but I just don't think it's the end.

I hope it's not for sure, but I just don't know why, but I just don't think this is it.

But travel was really the one thing because i've never left the united states not even to canada um so uh but that's out of the question because getting on a plane these days is just like you know somebody with a compromised immune system is just looking to get something that's gonna kill them some kind of avian bird flu yeah whatever i mean like you know like all these like

like

ice oh what did no his name uh

Ice Cube?

I want to say Ice Cube, but no, the white kid.

Vanilla ice.

Vanilla ice, where he was like, he was on that plane that was quarantined that landed in like Texas or Phoenix or something like that.

And he's like, you know, filming it.

And I'm just like, and this is the reason why my doctors will never let me fly anywhere, not until, you know, I'm bouncing back from the next procedure.

Yeah.

Any celebrities though that let's say you were like, if they were like, hey, you want to meet a celebrity?

Tom Who?

Which Tom?

Radio crews.

To be honest, it was get him, and he didn't show up.

No, because I'm not really that way.

The reason why I wanted to, you know, I just wanted to come down and just be a part of it.

Do you have a team?

Oh, I was born in Chicago, so I'm a Chicago everything.

Bears fan?

Yeah.

See what happened last night?

Oh, my God.

That was horrible.

That was

out of straw.

I was like, maybe this is the year that they're going to see something happen.

And I think they're definitely going to be improved.

Why on earth would they not have just brought the house?

Rogers couldn't move, and they still were not bringing the house.

Right.

It was crazy that they just were like, okay, we'll give him all the time in the world.

He can't move.

Let's give him all the time in the world.

Eventually he's going to find somebody, and he fucking.

There's a reason why he's one of the top played

players in the world.

The football's back, Brian.

Yeah, no, I couldn't believe they didn't bring the house either.

I was like, what are we talking about here?

What are we waiting on?

I'm so happy it's back, man.

Sunday nights

are so awesome with Sunday night football.

It's like

I get that jittery feeling.

What about Sunday Night Ozark?

Because that's what I watched on that first day.

Is this good?

I'm re-watching the first season.

I like it a lot.

It's really good.

I've heard good things about it, and I love Jason rather.

Yeah, Justine.

And season two just came out.

So much good stuff on Netflix.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was like, I wouldn't know football.

If they were like the NFL's over, I wouldn't even know.

Yeah, I know.

I wouldn't even know.

I did hear about the male cheerleader, though.

Were you excited by that?

The New Orleans Saints have a male cheerleader.

Really?

Yeah, you want to see them prancing, I mean, marching around or whatever it is they do?

Well, he's looking,

what do you think of your quarterback, Trubolinski?

Biscuit.

Trubisky.

Trubisky.

He looks like he's got all the tools, man.

He looks like he could.

They call him biscuit.

Why do they call him biscuit?

Trubisky, I guess.

Oh, okay.

Okay, that makes sense.

Yeah, I mean, like I said, what I saw

shows that there's some more promise, at least in prior years.

That's a pretty damn tough division, man.

Green Bay, Chicago, Minnesota.

Detroit is not going to be a walkover at home.

But they are, with the Bears, they always seem to come up, especially with the Bears.

My luck.

That's actually, that's my favorite football team, the Lions.

The Lions.

Yeah, because

years ago, I liked a player called Billy Sims, and I never stopped rooting for them, even though it was some pretty bleak decades between

him and Barry Sanders.

You don't really worry about being a Browns fan to be in any worse situation.

Oh, yeah.

I mean,

that's got to be.

As a Cleveland person or something like that.

You just got to be, well, you know, Cincinnati is a lot of people.

At least we had LeBron.

Yeah.

Yeah, at least we had LeBron for a while.

Okay, so I guess this is the video.

He's a 25-year-old guy.

His name's Jesse Hernandez,

first male cheerleader in the NFL.

Now, what is this in response to, Walt, do you think?

Is this like this is just the obvious 2018 go-to?

Like, let's be inclusive, so we'll put a dude in here.

Well, I think that

we've accepted male cheerleaders in high school and college

for decades.

Well, a lot of them are gymnasts, like in the offseason, I guess they're cheerleading.

I believe that the NFL

being a male name, right?

Just being fucker.

Has always

had cheerleaders.

I don't know about always, but for the longest time they've had cheerleaders.

And for them to be the only

level of football that doesn't have a male cheerleader has always been, I thought, but no professional sports have male cheerleaders.

I don't know if a lot of professional sports have cheerleaders, though.

Doll still has them.

Does hockey still have them?

I know's dancing.

It just never, it never really panned out

for hockey and the girls who would come out and clean the ice.

Really?

Yeah.

I know that they danced.

I didn't see them clean the ice, though.

They drove the Zamboni around?

No, they would take a little shovel.

They're going to take the shavings off in like a little skimpy gear.

Right.

What's better than that?

So here he is.

Here's Jesse Hernandez.

And he's.

I mean, he's a pretty good fucking dancer.

What did he go?

Is he the

Jackie Robinson of cheerleaders?

You know, breaking that.

The boundaries.

The boundaries.

No.

I'll tell you why.

Because it's way easier to do this today than for Jackie Robinson to do what he did.

Right.

Well,

I'm not saying it's a great analogy, but it's kind of accurate.

He's the first.

He's the first breaking boundaries.

He broke a boundary, sure.

Now, do you...

Here's the joke.

Anybody, I think most football fans,

you know, I would say

95, maybe even more, could care less about the male cheerleader.

I won't really think about it.

Do you want to hear about the ones who do?

I'm sure there's some who do, but I mean, most fans do not care about the cheerleaders.

Even the pretty ones, they're just like

when they come on the screen, it's just in between plays.

There's no football fan that's like, oh, I wish they'd show more cheerleading than plays.

Right.

Well, here's a couple of things that people had to say.

New Orleans Saints just slapped every Muslim and Bible-believing Christian in the face.

All right.

It's a sign of moral decay.

No, no.

How gay can the NFL get?

But like I said, in major colleges, we're talking like Division I,

like, colleges have male cheerleaders, and no one cares about that.

So why?

Because no one cares about that kind of shit.

Do people care about college football?

Yes.

Do they?

You can argue that people care more about college football than the NFL.

Oh, yeah.

It's that big as a.

Is it like NBA and college basketball?

Like, people care about college basketball a lot, too.

Probably more.

Like, if you really like basketball, you watch college football.

College football is a zillion-dollar.

Is that a word?

Zillion?

Sure.

Azillion-dollar industry.

Okay.

I don't know if it's that.

So bigger than that.

That's close.

Yeah.

They just turned it into a trillion.

There is a question that people can answer, though.

Okay, so you have it's a sign of moral decay.

How gay can the NFL get?

No.

But here's a question that can be answered.

What male football fan wants some queer prancing around with the women?

A queer football fan.

You don't want to see the girls.

But if you're a queer football fan, you're like, I want to see the guy.

Right.

But

if you're

that kind of football fan,

you have, what, 22 dudes on the field in really tight pants.

You can see every curvature of their manhood.

Yeah, maybe they're not.

You can.

You can see Drew Brees.

You know what Drew Brees is doing and where it's

thinking about?

Where it falls.

What side it's hanging on?

Yeah, you can see all that stuff.

So if you're really into that aspect, I'm not.

But if you're really into that,

you got enough of that

you got you got that on display for 60 minutes and they're they're they're tackling each other they're wrestling they're they're banging each other i mean

you know they're like bodies banging against each other there's it's you're getting your fill if that's what if you you know you the male cheerier believe me they're not isn't that male cheerier just the icing on the cake though because you're like okay i watched all that and maybe you're just like i'm not sated here comes halftime oh Jesse Hernandez how much prancing around how much more how much more do you need I mean this has got

how much more do you need if that's your if that's your that's your go-to right um and you got all I mean you're talking you got Tom Brady

you got um you got Aaron Rodgers

you got you got you got all you got

who's that Jimmy Garoppolo that dude's a male model is he yeah if you're into that and you got your fair share of like

tens

prancing around in tight football pants.

Believe me,

the football cheerleader.

Well, maybe the cheerleader seems attainable, though.

They're like, these guys are stars, but maybe I could get the cheerleader.

Maybe.

And what is it that, like, when I read those comments, I have no dog in this fight at all.

But I read those comments and I'm like, good, good.

I'm glad there's a fucking gay cheerleader.

So assholes like this have to fucking deal with it and it ruins their day.

Well, I mean, that just shows your level of,

you know, misery loves company.

Yeah, I want them to be miserable.

Yeah.

Not like me, though.

I'm miserable for other shit.

I don't care if somebody's gay or not.

You can fucking put everybody on the team and all the cheerleaders and the concessionaires and the fucking parking lot attendant.

They could all be gay.

It wouldn't matter to me.

But that a fucking gay cheerleader is going to ruin their day, that their fucking world is that small and fucking petty and pathetic.

I love it.

I love that their fucking day is ruined now.

That they have to catch.

If the Saints are their team anyway, right?

If the Saints are their team and you're anti-gay like that, that has to be a fucking thing.

But we don't even know.

Has this cheerleader

come out?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, they're touting him.

Oh, they're people do tout.

Oh, I didn't know that.

That he's the first gay cheerleader.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

He didn't have to tell anyone.

Wait a minute, though.

So he's not the first male cheerleader.

He's the first open leader.

Well, he's the first open.

He's the first male cheerleader, and he happens to be gay.

Oh, he's both.

Yeah.

That is like a fucking

kind of Jackie Robinish.

Double threat?

Yeah.

Why it was Jackie Robinson?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm just saying no, but like

he's just got one.

My yo' pants is tight.

No, he's just got one thing.

Jackie Robinson was just, you know, it was just one thing he was overcoming.

This guy is overcoming two things.

It's like, you're just black.

I'm a guy and I'm gay.

I'm the real Jackie Robinson.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Sure, why not?

Jeff, Jeff,

thanks for coming.

How long are we we going?

An hour and 26 minutes.

That's pretty good.

Yeah.

What more do you want from us?

That's a Q-less episode.

You know, a Q-less episode.

You thought, Q, what do you, I mean, is Q coming back next week?

He is coming back next week.

Okay.

I had to, he wanted me to do a little something for IJ today.

Really?

Yeah, I had to say no.

Oh, wow.

You put Tom Steve Dave in front of IJ?

Front burner.

Front burner, baby.

That's the way I operate.

Yeah, Jeff.

Deus, thank you.

Thank you for coming in.

Thank you.

Best to, you know, hopefully everything works out, obviously,

to the supreme, however you need it to go.

We're all pulling for you, man.

Appreciate it.

Yeah.

All right.

That's it.

Fuck the state.

Up with stem cells.

Engage your leaders.

Tell them, Steve, Dave.

You want to say it?

No.

Yeah.

With that booming bass voice.

Go deeper.

How deep can you go?

I think that's about it.

It's pretty deep.

Yeah.

You you want to say it again?

Give him an in.

Give them a.

Give them an in.

Give him a different in.

So I will say down with puppies at restaurants and up with prancing gay male cheerleaders.

Tell them, Steve Dave.

Cutting that shit out.

It makes me sound terrible.

Tell me all the secret.

Tell me all this stuff.

Don't let the light in.

Show me who you are.

Drive down.

We're burning low and dungeon round.

Another water was a place to cool my own.

A place to cool my own.

You bind your time.

I take another pace of me

fill your mother

into the black again.

So blank now, this is who we are.

My only covenant.

Another way into the black again.

What's more, I rock ya.

No, you're nothing but a blanket and a blank worm.

And the fucking lights you pay me down.

And I'll hang on every word and you're all.

You promise so so far this life and destroy.

And isn't this everything that I wanted?

Black a hole in a bottle shot of bunches.

So come on, let's try to miss love.

It's the only way I get you that will you.

So come on, let's try to miss love.

It's the only way to get you the will.

You bind time

Take another page of me through your mind

Into the black again

Somewhere this is who we are

My only pattern sky Lock away into the black again

Into the black again

Are we floating or drowning?

Impossible to tell.

Cause I'm not

like

hail.

All we have is a single winner.

There's nothing hidden

everywhere.

So bide your time

and take another pace of meat and fill your mind

into the black again.

Don't wake up with the feeling.

my only Paris.

Let's go into the black again.

So quick now, this is how we have

my only Paris guy.

Let's win to the black again.

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Sir, only at Smodcast.com.