#386: Washing the Martian

Really Q excuriate

Really Q, but light.

Really Q?

Hello, Jobs.

Tell them, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve.

Dave, I'm here with Walt Flatigan.

Going handheld mic today.

Yeah.

Whole new thing for you.

I like it.

It feels like I'm actually recording.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It reminds me I'm recording.

It reminds me to make sure I be careful with what I say.

Because you haven't been so far?

I feel like I have.

I'm always careful, but I am even more.

I feel like I'm even more on guard with a mic in my hand.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Q.

You let it sit on the table like me because we fly by the seat of our pants, you and I.

I had occasion to go down to the Borgata Casino this past week to the Impractical Joker Show.

Yes.

The

whole new one.

The

hometown crowd.

Is the hometown crowd a little bit more excited than

people of America?

The whole casino crowds are always drunk.

Like they always drink.

Yeah, there was a lady in the when I was sitting there.

I was sitting on the aisle, and there was a lady where I'm like, she's going to fall down

100%.

They like to party, those IG fans.

They sure do.

But what happened was

Q had set up a room for me.

I was already angry angry about something earlier.

Oh.

Q said shockingly, if you can believe it.

Q had set up a room for me.

So you were staying overnight?

Yeah.

Yeah, it was his second show.

Mm-hmm.

So I was like, yeah, sure, we'll hang out afterwards.

We'll gamble a little, which we ended up not doing.

But

it's a long line

to get to the counter because a lot of people are checking in.

I finally get there, and the guy's like, yeah, we don't have a room for you.

And I know Q didn't drop the ball.

I know he didn't.

There's no way.

And I said, well, is it under this name?

Now, are you

in the company of your woman?

Yeah.

Is that

like, is there any twinge of

being...

Not yet.

But you're about to find out why.

Do you feel

a little bit of stressed as a hair is that you start to sweat and be like, oh, no, I'm going to make you...

I'm like, oh, sure, it'll be fine.

I'm like mopping my brows.

But you get that little anxiety that you're going to be made to look like,

you know, the shitheel.

Yeah, the chump.

Not yet.

No.

No.

I do eventually look like a chump.

They just say you know.

No fault of cues.

But so the guy is trying to work the computer.

I'm like, he's like, I said, someone else set up the room for me, Brian Quinn.

And so he puts a name in and he can't figure it out.

So then this manager guy comes over.

And he's going to figure it out.

So he's, they're going back and forth.

And they say, could it be under a different name?

So I gave Dexter's name, and eventually this manager guy calls Dexter as I'm standing there.

Now, I'm already,

I've already gotten to the point where she's going, please stop, like real quiet, like going, please stop, you know, like earlier because I was saying shit.

Now, this asshole, this manager, goes, yeah, I got a guy, Brian Johnson, who says he has a room.

He's dropping Brian Quinn's name.

I literally almost reached over the fucking counter and grabbed him.

Mary Beth grabs my arm.

She saw me like going, like, like rising up, and I was like, I go, what the fuck did he just say to the other guy, to the dude who's working the computer?

And then she's like a little bit louder.

She's going, please don't, please.

I was so close.

I was going to grab him.

I was going to fucking grab him and literally try to pull him right over the counter.

I told Q,

I couldn't even tell him the story in her presence.

She didn't hear it, though.

She didn't hear it until later on when I was talking about it.

She didn't even hear the guy say it.

Oh, she didn't know why you were

going to.

no, she didn't know that.

She didn't hear him say that.

Right.

King Kong shit.

She never knows.

Zero distinction.

She never knows because there's never like a real like

obvious reason.

It doesn't affect a relationship with what it's that much of a powder keg.

I don't know.

I don't experience it.

I gotta tell you.

It can't be fun, though.

It can't be fun.

I actually, I'm heeding Q's advice.

I looked into some shrinks, maybe some like

some mood stabilizers.

That's what I used to be on, so I wasn't like this all the time, you know.

Why'd you get off them?

Uh, because I didn't have health insurance at the time, and it was like one of the three pills I was supposed to take was like, it was like 700 for the month, so it was just too much money.

But when I was in LA and when I first got back here like years ago, when I was feeling good like that, I was on these things.

So I was way more stable than I am now, where it's just like sometimes it's just like almost nothing and then I'm going to break something.

But this was something.

This was a jerk off, phrasing something in the most like emasculating, humiliating way.

And he deserved to get smacked.

I really did feel that.

Like in the moment, I was like, this fucking asshole deserved to get slapped.

But it then resolved itself so quickly and he just walked away.

And the other, like, the first dude was very apologetic.

And I'm not, you know, I don't go around beating people up.

And I'm not like a physically confrontational guy, but this guy was like, I'm going to fucking kill him.

Like, I want to fucking just beat his ass right now.

And be like,

okay.

That would have reflected on me well.

You think it would have?

No.

No.

If you beat the shit out of someone in the ass.

I don't think they'd make that connection, do you?

Oh, of course.

He's my guest, and he's these dragging people over the counter.

He's like, so wait, what happened?

Yeah.

As they were going over it with the cops, they're like, well, you know, the guy from Practical Jokers.

I don't think you could be implicated in any way where legally.

You told me to do this about legally.

I'm talking about my friends are the ones that come and start fights and lies.

No, there is.

I didn't start it.

Those are fight fight words.

If I know you, and I think I do, you would not suffer that lightly either.

No, but I wouldn't pull a guy over a counter.

I didn't, but it was like, I'm like,

that and your words are the reason that I, that I started making calls because I'm like, I've never been that close to doing something like that.

So if it's going to move from walls to people, I'm probably going to start getting in trouble.

Yeah.

For shit.

And I

need a little something for impulse control.

Did you find somebody that you're, or are you still in the process of looking?

Yeah, I'm just waiting for a couple calls back.

Because the insurance I have, even though it's $600 a month, it's like, here are your three choices.

And it's like three Indian women.

And you don't feel you can connect on the level you need to with a female?

Yeah, I'm like, excuse me, where's your restroom?

She's like, right down there by the train tracks.

You know,

you're honestly saying you don't know.

No,

I can only relate to female therapists.

Really?

Yeah, I had a guy and I did not like him at all.

Really?

Yeah.

I'm the same way.

Yeah, you need to, is that the alpha in you, guys?

No.

I think it's guys just don't fall through the manipulation as easily.

No, I don't know what it is.

I feel like I can talk to females.

Do you feel maybe you're coming from a

speaking from a point of weakness, maybe?

With a guy.

I guess because you're, I don't know, not weak's not the right word.

Like, you just, I guess, feel more vulnerable with a man telling your man your problems?

Not really.

I've only had one male, and I just didn't really, like, I just didn't click click with him.

I also had this other lady who was a fucking moron, so I left her.

But given the choice, it would be a female.

I couldn't go to a male.

I can't say why.

Is there a certain age that you'd be like,

she's just a little bit too young or a little bit too old?

I wouldn't mind if she was young and hot.

Yeah, how she dressed in.

It all depends.

The hot wasn't in that sentence.

You said young.

If she was about in her 20s,

just out of college,

could you talk to someone like that?

I'm feel like I know more than you do for me.

Florida, somebody in her 70s.

Yeah, well, my therapist now is in her 60s, late 60s.

Okay, and this is a regular, you go on a regular basis?

Oh, really?

Yeah.

What's a regular basis?

I mean, well, sometimes I get too busy, but I.

How many times a year?

Just a guess.

I try and get there at least once a month, but I used to go weekly.

So it looks like.

Yeah, you were very regular about it before.

Yeah, for like 10 years I was regular about it, but I just got too busy.

So you easily 10 to 12 12 visits a year.

Sure.

Yeah.

Now, do you feel that

one day you'll be like, I'm cured, and walk away?

Or are you like, this is just always going to be the way it is?

So better to have someone to always talk to.

I think that

a lot of the stuff that bothered me, I already kind of dealt with in a good way.

Yeah.

Like now it's just like,

you know, catching up.

It would be like, but

you would think I would feel more vulnerable since it's so personal,

but Q is the person that I've talked to the most about anything personal that I would discuss with a therapist.

Even more than a therapist, you've got to be able to do that.

Oh, yeah, I would say so.

Say the same in reverse as well.

I know what the word I tried to use better instead of

guarded.

Are you more guarded with a man than you would be with a female?

Yeah, nothing to do with like, oh, you're more manly than me.

Nothing like that.

Yeah.

Like, there's just testosterone fucking pumping.

Well, I mean, you've got a lot of, I mean, I think all your all your issues boil down to authority.

I think a lot of it is your father.

So, I think there's a lot.

I think you have, I think you see daddy on every male authority figure.

Yeah.

You want to when I'm hanging out with Troy

like, yeah, just call him daddy.

Yeah, daddy, my daddy's a pig, huh?

Well, quick, daddy.

What are we going to do about it?

Yeah, it's so weird.

I was just talking about about that today.

Mary Beth quit her job.

Really?

Because of something.

She basically told her boss, like, I'm not doing this.

Go fuck yourself.

And

the

jolt I got

by proxy from someone telling an authority figure to go fuck themselves, I was like, good for you, man.

Was it done without you, like, before talking to you about it at length?

Or did you, or were you like, you got to quit that job?

Fuck them.

Or did she truly make this decision about Johnson influence?

Well,

to say truly free.

I don't think anybody, yeah, I don't think any female in a relationship with you will ever be truly free.

Even after they leave, they're still

in a situation.

Sort of a cage.

Like, they're all seeking therapists now because of me.

No, I mean, definitely not.

It would drive me crazy, like, some of the stuff that she would tell me.

You know, she's a waitress at Ruby Tuesdays, and the shit

that people would pull.

No longer.

Nope, she's done.

The shit that people would pull with like not tipping or being like asshole.

I'm just like, how the fuck can you do it?

So much so that I'm like, I said, I'm going to come in dressed as a manager.

And I was going to dress as a manager.

Well, like, you know, as a Ruby's Tuesday manager.

And I'd be like, How does a Ruby Tuesday manager look like?

I don't know.

He had like black jeans and a shirt or a shirt or something.

I thought there was a certain style.

Oh, no, no, no.

No, I was like, I'm just going going to mimic this.

And

if a table gives you trouble, I was like, you tell me, and I'll go over there.

And I was like, I'll give them shit.

And she's like, I don't know.

And I was like, who cares?

She's like, let me do it.

And she's like, all right, we've all been there.

Some more than others.

We've all been there.

We just walked away in the middle of a shift.

Yeah, when I worked at the car wash, it was probably about an hour.

And I was like, I'm not doing this shit.

It's probably the shortest job I've ever had.

Hey, it's good that you knew right away.

I did.

When they were fucking talking about jumpsuits for like more than three seconds, I was like...

You had to know even on the drive over there when you were applying.

Yeah, that was like a weird, like desperate time though.

It was like, there are no jobs around.

It was like right around that Sears time.

Like I left Sears and then I got the job at this car wash.

And I didn't think I was like, hey, man, this will be my home.

But I didn't think it was going to last that short.

But when they all, like this fucking black dude came in and started like giving everybody a bunch of shit about like who had taken his not me but taken who had taken his jumpsuit and then they're like who who wants to go to lunch and it's like it's nine o'clock in the morning you're saying i go to lunch now i i i go to work then until four o'clock washing cars i was like this shit i was like i'll go

and then i went i got the paper and i looked up jobs and I saw that's when I got the job at the movie theater as the manager and just doctored everything and pretended I had had experience and sociopathed my way through it and got the job that someone else probably was qualified for.

But my God, like

the

stories of not, because it costs them money.

Like if they don't tip, if somebody doesn't tip, it's like she still has on that bill, she still has to tip out the bartender and the busboy and this one and that one.

It's like she loses money

serving people.

But I'm sure not every restaurant is like that.

Yeah, that's why, I mean, when, like I said, when I told you that story before, I mean, i i don't feel unless it's like egregious like they're you know i see them spitting in my food i'm i'm not gonna i'm not going to uh take them the task yeah i have to see them hawk a louis on it before i'm ready to be like okay you're down to 15.

okay so the borgata

went to the show it was great but maybe one of my favorite parts if it not not maybe easily my favorite part of the entire weekend was going back to Q's room, hanging out, and just making shit up.

You know, just talking and bullshitting and watching The Martian and all this other stuff.

And there isn't a moment.

What do you call it?

The Martian.

It was a movie.

The Martian.

I thought that was like some sort of phrase for making things up, like washing The Martian.

No.

I like that.

That's a Matt Damon movie.

Yeah, okay.

At least we have this week's Twitter.

I watched with commercials, and I was like, holy shit.

Yeah, you forget how weird it is to watch shit with commercials.

Well, maybe not you.

You watch regular TV.

I watch a lot of regular TV.

So we order some food, and these

room service guys bring it up.

And it's these two Russian dudes.

Definitely not as high-spirited and cherubic as the guys you mentioned earlier when you were telling us a story.

Did two people bring up the food?

I don't think they needed them, but they did have them.

Yeah, it was like 1:30 in the morning.

It was pretty late.

Oh, sorry.

It's a safety, security thing.

No, as it turned out, it wasn't.

It turned out it wasn't.

It was.

Q, even in

the confines of his his own room, is not free from being asked for selfies.

He even has Russian fans, huh?

Q, I'm a big fun.

You take a picture with me.

1:30 a.m., I'm on my couch in my boxes.

We were like, it was like the night.

I was drinking for three hours at that point.

We were all messed up.

We're like, it's like you're sliding down into your chair.

It's like the night is definitely on the winding down.

This food's going to be it.

That's the swan song.

And yeah, so Q's tired.

um this martian's on martian's on it was awesome and this guy asked for a selfie and i'm thinking

this is

unbelievably unprofessional like

who's the guy because q's not the guy who is the guy that would be like called down and be like this is what this asshole did

and it's annoying you know

he took the selfie that's what you gotta do man what are you gonna do i'm gonna be gonna be back there next year.

Yeah, you don't want to make a big stink.

No, you can't.

But he took the selfie, but what was great was what came from it after he left.

Like, even though Q graciously took the picture, it was the Russian bullying him and threatening to kill his family.

Like, I agree to take the selfie, and he's still threatening me.

He's like, I don't like that pull.

You take another one, I'll kill your whole fucking family.

I'm like, all right, all right.

That goes on in two hours.

You don't want the Russian interface.

They interfered with our election.

You don't want them interfering with IJ.

No, I do do not.

Right?

They hacked with the viewership.

You got to keep them happy.

They hacked the demo.

Yeah,

they hacked Nielsen and all of a sudden, you know, that makes sense.

Who's joking now?

Carbonaro.

Carbonaro's at the topic of the.

Or hack my life.

Selfie next time.

Yeah.

Do we know?

I don't think I know anybody who would call and be like, this.

This jerk off is asking for selfies.

No.

I mean.

Is that being down-to-earth or or is it like because you know what you want to say, which is like, dude, come on.

Like, what's the matter with you?

Yeah, like, what makes you think this is appropriate?

You're in the hospitality, like, fucking business.

Like, exact opposite of hospitable.

Yeah, it was, it was really horrible.

So, you guys, how come you guys didn't go out and gamble?

Well, not the first night I did it, but it's just hard to, man.

Like, people get drunk and they just stand around the table saying stupid shit.

It's just annoying.

Yeah, somebody was.

What did they say to you?

Do you want want to say?

Oh, it was that fucking woman with the Bud Light.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There was this one woman who stood directly behind me.

Because you're not allowed.

It's a private gambling area, but it's like, imagine this is private, and then that's public where you're sitting.

It's like, that's how close it can be.

Standing there watching this, which is fine.

It happens in the casino.

I get it.

But there's this one woman who's like, first of all, she's like, so there's a lot of like young, good-looking girls around this, right?

With the fucking goddamn impractical jokers, you know?

So there's this one woman who I didn't even get really a good look at, but everybody assures me she was good looking.

But she starts putting down the girls at the table, who, by the way, they weren't at the table with us, they were watching like everybody else.

And she's like, You don't need girls, you need a woman, you need a woman like me, Q.

You got like shit like that, and you're just like, I'm gambling.

And then, you know, they give you free drinks in the casino, so it's just like whatever they got, you take.

They come up with a tray.

I was like, I take a Bud Light,

really cute, Bud Light.

and I'm like, but in her mind, she's charming the pants off, she's so funny, and like, so I just ignored it.

I took another sip.

Every sip I took, she goes, Bud Light.

So then she makes another comment about like, about how, like, you know, I love cats too.

And I go, turn around, I go, look, I go, here's what you've done.

I go, every time I go to roll the dice, I was like, you say something and interrupt, which is annoying.

I go, every time I take a drink, you seem to chide me about my choice and drink, and you're putting down other people who are here doing the same thing you were doing.

I was like, you seem like a real blast.

I can't wait to get together with you.

Because I was just like, fuck you.

Like, just fuck off.

There's no chance she's a TSD listener.

I don't care if she is.

If she is, she should know.

Just like those idiot waiters that we were talking about before.

They need to know.

Like, they need to be aware of that level of behavior.

You know, it's just like, shut the fuck up.

Right.

Just shut up.

Or say something funny.

We were talking to everybody.

Right.

Every single, but there was ants.

We had some ants around the table.

Like, we were talking everybody.

We invited some, some to come in and gamble with us.

Like, we were having a good time.

It's like, when it's not like we're like, let's turn our backs on these people and let them watch us gamble.

Like, we're having fun with everybody.

But holy shit.

It had to have worked for her at one point, though, in her life.

That, that,

I don't think so.

I don't think so.

She had to have landed somebody, that somebody famous with her.

She fucks out the night before Christ.

There is a certain type of, like, let's call them fans who like have this weird, like, it's the worst.

It's like, come here like get over here and take a picture like this fake like i know i'm not impressed yeah like like just come here and take a photo and i'm always like no like the other day i went to wendy's i went to the drive-thru right i got a chicken sandwich for a bacon eater the woman hands me my sandwich and i you know i go to drive away and she's like wait wait wait get back here i want a picture and i go nah i want to go and i just drive off like

fuck off man like

which by the way if she was like oh my my God, this is awesome.

I love the show.

Will you mind taking a picture?

I would be like, no problem.

It's the command.

It's the

do this.

You got a little bit of Johnson in you, man.

No, no.

No, no, you're not going to be able to do that.

You got a lot of Johnson in you.

Usually after a fine meal on his bed.

Whatever.

Whatever.

You don't have that.

You don't have that.

Who the fuck do you think you are to tell me what to do?

Even if they are someone to tell you what to do, you still have that weird feeling.

Because I found that when people tell me what to do, usually it's probably the right mode.

I found that, yeah, I'd be like, you did tell me to do that.

Yeah, you did suggest that.

And like, pretty much everything that

comes down to you not trusting yourself in your judgments.

As long as the responsibility for my life isn't in my hands.

Yeah.

I'll just keep making the same mistake.

I just can't take it, man.

When you go away, like to Florida or whatever, and you stop, do you guys eat on the road or do you ever order back to the room?

Like, do you get an outside delivery service, a local pizza, ESA?

No, I will always stop at a rest, not really a rest stop, but you see the signs where it says like there's like so many selections of different restaurants.

There's like a Red Robin or there's a Denny's or there's like there's multiple choices.

But no, I don't go.

We don't like check into a room and then like have takeout deliver us food because it just feels like you're eating on a bed.

Right.

You know, there's really, you know.

Probably I'm not even kidding around at this point.

90% of my meals are eaten on a bed while watching TV.

I'm not even kidding around.

I can't eat on a bed.

It just drives me nuts to eat on a bed.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How can you eat on a bed?

Easy.

I have like a little TV tray, like a little, like one that goes over your lap and shit.

And then I get my

kitchen, eat in the bed.

I got my TV.

It's so fucking hot upstairs.

Like I have three air conditioners constantly going.

And

the electric in the house sucks, so it's constantly like,

and then I got to go down into this creepy ass basement and fucking reset the fucking circuit breakers three, four times a day.

So if you got three air conditions running at full blast 24-7,

five months out of the year.

It's only been like the past couple weeks that I'm like, holy shit, man.

It's as cold as the upstairs was in the winter is as hot as it is in the morning in the summer.

Many times that's what I'll do.

I don't want to go to a restaurant.

I want to sit down and do the whole thing.

I'd rather eat in the room and watch TV.

TV.

So I did that recently.

And

the last couple times, Q and I, when we were in Chicago, we ordered we were going to eat in the room and hang out.

And it was over two hours.

Will you guys eat on the bed together?

I mean, I'm not averse to it, but we happened to have a little living room in our

in the room you guys.

Okay, so you guys weren't on just one.

But I would eat on the bed with him.

You would?

Yeah.

Would you feed up or feed down?

I mean, I'm assuming we're having separate beds, right?

No, no, you guys, there's only one room.

The giant king.

Oh, so he comes up with my bed?

He put his feet on my bed if he was.

All right.

Yeah.

No, one foot on the floor rule.

Why are we assuming it's his bed?

Oh, wait, I know.

Because he rolled out the window to me when I was by the dumpster.

He's like, don't eat that.

Come up here.

Can I eat on your bed?

Sure, buddy.

So when Q and I were in Chicago, I think I told this story,

the delivery guy was two hours late and then gave us a fucking attitude.

Recently, same thing.

I was traveling.

I'm in a motel and

or hotel.

I don't know what the difference is, really.

I think a motel has the doors go directly out into the thing.

A hotel does.

Okay, so then it would have been a hotel.

It's like, yeah, everybody's kind of in the same building.

Is it a motel one room, one floor?

Like one floor?

I was told.

I think you're right.

I think the doors just open to the outside.

Yeah.

Like to the outdoors.

So I order a pizza, just a pizza and a snapple,

and it's like 35 to 45 minutes, it says on Grubhub.

So that comes and goes, and it hits an hour.

So I call, and the guy is like,

it's on its way, which is what they fucking always say.

It's bullshit.

Hour and a half.

I'm going back and forth with this guy at the pizza place who keeps insisting that the delivery guy is on his way.

It hits almost two hours.

It's like an hour and 50 minutes.

Finally, I hear the dude at the door.

He knocks, and

I open the door, and he's like, has the biggest smile on his fucking face.

It's like midnight.

I ordered like tennis.

He's like, How you doing?

And I go, Not, I got to tell you, not so fucking good, man.

I was like, he goes, what's wrong?

I go, what do you mean?

What's wrong?

I was like, it's been two fucking hours.

This is like, this is my attitude towards him.

I was so fucking pissed.

And he goes, he goes,

yeah, well, I had a lot of deliveries tonight.

And I go,

what does that mean to me?

I said, yeah, I said, that doesn't, that changes nothing.

I said, it's been almost two hours.

It was supposed to be 45 minutes.

And he goes, like, yeah, I know.

We had a lot of deliveries.

He says it again.

And I'm like, what the fuck?

I said,

I said, that does me no good.

I said, give me that.

And I snatched the pizza out of his hand, snatched the snapple out of his other hand.

It was in a bag.

And

I said,

never again.

And he goes, yeah, never again.

He was like, don't order from us again.

And I go, why the fuck would I?

Why the fuck would I ever order from you again?

One, because obviously it took a long time.

But two, it's like, I'm in a fucking hotel.

I don't live here.

Well, they may have thought.

I'm not a junkie.

They may have thought you were at this.

Let's wish you our permanent residence.

Yeah.

All the man needs is a roof over his head and a bed to eat on.

He's peeking around.

He's like, I don't see any tables to eat on in there.

But this dude has a fucking attitude.

And

when he says that, then he said something.

I can't remember what he said.

He said this, like he was like, not like a parting shot, but

as he said something.

He said one more thing.

And I was just like, as he's walking away, I said, this is me saying this.

Dude was easily like 20, 21.

And I was like, I said, that's why you delivered pizzas for a living, you fucking retard.

Yeah, I kind of

let him know my dark history.

You went nuclear on the dude.

That's like, that's like throwing, that's going like, that's like

scorched earth.

You went right to that.

Right, you're a pizza boy.

Yeah.

You're a lowly pizza boy.

But you do know that you were a pizza boy.

Oh, yeah, I know.

I know.

But he doesn't know that.

He doesn't know that.

What's important here is that he's being demeaned.

I'm in a position of.

I'm elevated above him.

Like I said, like years older than him as a pizza boy.

Like this guy was 20, 20, and I was easily, what, 27 at the time?

But

the,

I just don't understand the service industry.

Is the economy too good?

I have a very similar story, but with a different outcome.

Yeah.

Very similar.

No, I didn't have a two-hour wait, but.

Here's the PS to the story.

I ate the pizza after heating it up a little in the microwave.

Might have been some of the best pizza I've ever had.

It was so good.

If it were only hot, I'd be like, hot and arrived on time.

Right.

Well, they should tell you.

I mean, I'll be, I mean, they should be like, hey, we're

experiencing overflow of orders tonight.

We can't promise you we'll get there, you know, until possibly over an hour and a half.

Yeah.

If you want to police the order, please understand that that may be the case.

And you may have said, okay, I'm going to go somewhere else then.

Right.

Which is what they don't want.

They would rather just string you along.

And they all fucking string you along, except I ordered out not too long ago, and I called and the lady was like, It's still here, da-da-da.

And I said, Oh my God, I was like, Thank you.

I said, You may be the only honest person I've ever spoken to in regards to if a delivery is on its way or not.

Because they all say, Oh, it just left.

Yeah.

It's like, you're a liar.

Sometimes I want to go to the place and call, and just like, if it's still there, be like, aha.

But

I was, I took my youngest daughter to, we found a new friendlies

where, you know, we thought we had, you know, we weren't going to ever have friendlies again.

You thought the last one, yeah, but there's one about on

Route 9.

It's about a 40-minute drive.

So we go quite frequently because she likes it there.

So I'm willing to drive there.

It takes, like I said, about 40 minutes each way.

And when we're meeting my wife, she was out doing some other errands, and she said, okay, I'll meet you guys there.

And she called and she said, place the order for me because I'm going to be running a little late.

So we placed an order and the waiter came over, a young guy, really young guy, and he was training another guy, two very young guys

who were

insanely dorky.

No, no, no, no, just dorky and good-natured and like kind of like, you know, like

just

very in a good, great mood.

But you could just tell they were a little bit dorky.

And we placed the order, and it just took forever to get there.

And there was

another couple or another family in front of us who seemingly got everything they ordered and left before we even got anything and my wife had my wife I got there and she was like you got to say something you got to say something you got to say man yeah she's like you got to like this is ridiculous I'm leaving then I don't have time to just wait for this I'm like

just chill out just chill out but when they

comediately I love it when they when they when they when the guys brought the dessert over to the to the family that was on dessert by the time we haven't even gotten drinks yet we had been there for about 40 minutes.

Oh, you didn't even have drinks yet?

Not even drinks yet.

Oh, that's nuts.

I knew that they just, but they're training a guy and it's kind of strange.

You could train a fucking monkey and he would have your drink too by then.

That's crazy.

And both of my daughter and my wife are like, come on, look, this is ridiculous.

I'm saying something like, no, don't say it.

And my other and my daughter's mom.

Why would you not say something?

Because I could just tell they were so like,

they were just like...

10-year-olds into the world.

Well, you don't have to be a dick about it.

You could be like, hey, guys, I'm thirsty.

Like, I've been thirsty for the past four years.

Look, look, I'm on the standing, but you got to move.

It's got to be here now.

Like, let's go.

I will grant you, I was ready to do that

until I saw

what this team of waiters did when they brought out the dessert to the other family.

They handed the dessert out, and I heard

the trainee say,

Did I get the desserts?

Did I put the desserts

in front of the right people?

And he goes, He goes, yeah, you did.

And they they smiled at each other and they gave each other a high five and we i'm and our and my wife and my daughter saw this high five because they were in a corner because i was about to say something and i looked at them and i said and you want me to destroy them for and they're giving each other's high five you know delivering ice cream i said

they're they're just not you can't expect that much out of these kids i said you just got to let them

you can at least expect them to do their job in the most basic manner possible they apologize high five i'd be high tailing it out of there.

They apologized when they came over profusely.

Did you free something?

No, I didn't ask for a free something.

I was just like, don't worry about it, guys.

It's fine.

When you see two grown men high-five each other, and it's not like done ironically, because they put

scored a basket because they're in the NBA, like a meaningful basket.

Yeah, LeBron James celebrated less during the game seven

when they upset the Golden State Warriors a couple years ago.

There was less celebrating in Cleveland that night than when these two dudes saw that the one, the trainee, had put the ice cream right in front of each person.

How the fuck do you maintain that worldview for more than three seconds?

How?

How is it fucking possible?

I saw

the Madison Square Garden.

And I couldn't wait to get the fuck out of there the second the show was over.

There was no high-five.

You didn't high-five anybody?

No.

When you found out the attendance, the record, you didn't high-five anybody?

Dude, I was in the

green room with him prior.

As I was leaving, I was still looking to the rafters to make sure he wasn't like offing himself.

You know how much I care about you guys, but I'm being honest.

I want to hang out with those two waiters more than I want to hang out with you two fuckers.

Were you saying this to us or to your wife and your daughter?

I can't deal with that kind of negativity at this stage of my life.

I want to hang out with those two dorks.

I want to know what it's like to hide a job with them.

Yeah, really.

They They could be playing patty cake,

and nothing would make me feel like I'm with my girlfriend, I'm with Sage.

I'm like,

their comfort is paramount.

I don't give a fuck

about these guys and their minimal goals that they've achieved.

They're 20.

If they can't be like, hey, is this the ice cream you ordered and get it right?

My wife and daughter

aren't living in a state where they're never

in a state of discomfort.

If they can't wait 45 to 55 minutes for their drinks and food, I'm sorry then that's a harsh lesson learned.

Not everything goes your way every night.

But it should if you're paying.

You're paying for it.

It's not like, oh, guys, thanks for the favor.

I'm so glad you could get to it when you did.

No, no, no, not at all.

You got to wait on a 45-minute line.

Fucking redlining shit.

And then they don't even knock it off.

That's how fucking dumb they are.

It doesn't occur to them to be like...

Yes.

They're young.

Their first jobs probably.

They needed somebody to make understood.

They're gonna be better if you don't point out what they did wrong.

Somebody else can do it.

I don't want to be that guy.

I can't do it.

I can't do it.

You should have let your daughter dress them down like big time.

She was like, she was like, she was just harassing me when the check came.

How much are you giving him a tip?

How much are you giving him a tip?

How much?

I want to know.

And I'm like, it's none of your business.

I go, unless you want to put the tip out here tonight.

I go, and you just be quiet and let me give these guys what I feel is necessary here.

I gave him 20%.

I don't want to.

I don't want, I can't drive away from there knowing that

from the heights of achievement to the pits of despair,

they were feeling so good about themselves.

Now I'm going to shit all over.

Not only would I drive away without tipping, I would find out which one was their car and puncture the sidewall so they couldn't even fix it.

I know, I know.

Ruined my friend's experience.

I know it's an extreme 180 to you guys, but that's in all honesty.

I told them that they should show a little bit of compassion, show a little bit of patience.

Not every day were you at your best when you were at your job.

No.

And if ever.

I was talking to my wife.

I said, no, that's an Alicia.

When you get a job,

I want to know about 20 years in if you can honestly say that you gave 110% every day at your job, too.

So let's give these guys a job.

But it seemed like they were.

It seemed like they were giving it at the role and still fucked it up.

Yes.

And if that's the case, isn't that what it's all about?

Just give 110% even if you lose?

I guess so, but they don't know they're losing thanks to you.

They think they're winning.

They think they're great.

They're like, wow, Charlie Sheen was right.

That's amazing.

There's no fucking way I would sit there.

I would go get my own drink before I sat there.

I was just trying,

I'm sure it's coming.

I'm sure it's coming.

I'd reassure them, and they were like rolling their eyes.

They're like huffing and puffing as they walk by.

And I'm just like,

These guys are like babies.

I said, you can't do that.

You can't just.

But you never even, like, in that 40 minutes, was like, excuse me, is the water coming?

I was so close to that moment.

Every time they walk by, I see they're like these cherub faces.

Like, I can't, I just can't.

Look at this pigeon.

He's cooling all over.

20% for that.

It's closing in on the first three-month

tier or what would you call it?

Three-month obligation.

Subscription period.

And that means that

the gifts are about to be shipped out soon.

Oh, cool.

And so a t-shirt has been.

So anybody out there, if you're eligible for the big gift item,

you need to check your email or even your junk email because an email was sent out to see if to start getting shirt sizes if you're eligible for a big ticket item.

Big ticket.

I want to say ticket.

I don't know.

Just a big item.

A big item.

Why would you not say ticket?

Well, that makes it sound like it's more than a t-shirt.

But it actually is more than a t-shirt.

Okay, go ahead.

So, giving Joy two things together.

So, you don't regret using the term big ticket?

I can't say big ticket.

I forgot.

I don't know.

The small gift people are getting, they were supposed to get one item queue.

Okay.

But the response to the Patreon, so overwhelming.

Yeah.

Decided to make it two gifts for those people.

I was really surprised when

I was talking to him and he told me this.

Okay.

I was like, this cheapskate, this cheap motherfucker.

I like it as a woman.

Frugal.

Let's say frugal.

You watch the bottom line.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You got to watch the bottom line.

If you don't, you're.

Yeah, yeah.

You end up in a crooked house.

Tell me about it.

No shit.

But yeah,

I thought that was very nice.

Yeah, like those people have been so good.

The response was so overwhelming.

It was overwhelming.

And I guess it really,

it was a little bit of a rocky start before we started getting everything.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So

since the response is so

off the charts, like we can't, we're blown away by it.

Two gifts for the small gift items, two small gifts for those people.

For the big item, two gifts for them as well.

And the first,

what's it called when you have like a certain section of time?

What's that called?

Like

the first three-month

period.

Yes, the first three-month period.

I've supplied the artwork for some of the items here.

It's the very first time I've ever drawn Joker TSD-related

merchandise.

And it's something, since we can't sell it, right?

I mean, legally,

we could never sell something like this, but we can give it away.

Well, also legally for money.

We're not really selling it.

This is a gift.

Nobody's going to complain.

Right?

I mean,

lawyers want to get in the way and make something cool like what we're doing here.

Like, but this image that I've come up with,

lawyers would kibosh it.

Okay.

Shame on you.

It's too late, though.

But

it's a gift now.

Yeah.

This is a gift.

They can't touch us.

Tell your lawyers that, Q.

I will tell Danny that.

He's on it.

You don't want to mess with my lawyers.

You haven't spoken to Walt yet, have you?

You can't touch this, right?

You can't touch this shirt.

So they're getting, yes, they're going to get a shirt of an original piece I did.

They're going to get a poster of that original piece.

That's for the big and the big ticket item.

They also get the two small items as well.

So

they're flush with gifts um if the people who are eligible after three months and the uh small gift people will be getting a magnet of the piece and then a patch of uh another uh tell them steve dave related piece of artwork and i didn't do that one it's still kick-ass though and uh those are going out soon but we need you to check your emails and go to your junk mail if you haven't responded to the poll putting in your t-shirt size.

And where can people go if now people are listening to this and maybe they want to get on this sweet-ass Patreon action?

They really should get in on it.

Even at the lowest level, the $5 level, the response to the Sunday Jeff show

is like nothing I've seen.

When I went to the Borgata show the other day, I saw

a few women in

the lobby

gushing.

about the Sunday Jeff show.

The Sunday Chef, how much they liked it.

They were like, it was awesome.

Well, that's, I mean, what happened with Sunday Jeff in the years that we were doing Comp Bookman, I feel he was kind of ignored.

I feel like he, you know, we didn't really utilize him as much as I wanted to.

Right.

Plus, he actually works here, as opposed to half the cast that didn't.

So, yeah, because he was, well, I'm on telephone, Steve, Dave.

Like,

you know, I feel now that now with my, so much free time now, I've just spent

create, I want to create a podcasting superstar.

I like it.

You know, like on the, I'm going to be here.

Who's that guy that was helping Elvis, the general?

The Colonel.

The Colonel.

Oh, okay.

Well, you're the Colonel.

I'll be the Baron.

Okay, there you go.

It's settled.

But I want to bring him to Elvis Presley Heights, at least in the world of podcasts.

I don't know what that means, but I don't know what those heights would be.

Probably Chris Hardwick.

Is it?

That would be Elvis Presley?

Or today.

No, I think today Elvis would probably be Rogan.

Rogan.

He's Elvis Presley?

Well, he's not Presley.

Oh, no, that's not.

But he's as big as in the podcasting world.

In the podcasting world.

That's my target.

I've got a target now.

Okay.

And I'm going to move.

I'm going to move.

Target I hadn't heard of until moments ago.

I'm locked in now.

I know who's in my sites.

Bring them down.

There's room for.

Wasn't there two Elvises?

Like on the level, wasn't there two people?

It was Elvis Costello.

He was just as big, right?

Yeah, you know, he got a hit.

But yeah, that's my goal right now.

That's what I'm working towards is building Sunday Jeff up to levels that

the podcasting world has never seen.

I hope you win.

I win.

We all win.

The world wins.

It would be great.

It would be one of those head scratchers.

Like, wait, why is this person famous?

Like, after everyone's really excited and enthralled for a short amount of time, they're like, wait, what's going on here?

Why do we care?

Like, Paulie Shore, for example.

The world was fucking enamored with Paulie Shore and the Wii's and all that shit for a little while.

And then suddenly people were like, you know what?

No.

No more.

No more.

Bullshit.

We're done.

Yeah.

So where do people go to listen to the, like you said, the $5 tier?

You get four weekly bonus podcasts that you can't hear anywhere else.

We have, I mean, we're going to, I mean, I want to talk to you tomorrow about

putting more different exciting tiers up there, maybe changing it up a little, keeping it fresh always, keeping it

new and new, new.

That's the

trying, taking chances.

People don't like the tried and true anymore.

I don't think so, right?

People are, like you said, people are always looking for something new.

What's niche?

What's different?

Yeah, fresh fish is what they're looking for.

They're like, yo, fresh fish.

I was like, so you don't want more space monkeys?

I'm like, I said fresh fish.

All right.

It'll be a dark day when Sunday Jeff becomes the tried and true.

People are like, fuck him.

It happens to everybody.

Everybody,

one day you're fresh fish, the next day you're rotten, stinky clam.

Yeah, there you go.

Where do they go when you sign up?

If you want to hear magic like that

at length, you go to patreon.com slash tellemsteve dave or patreon.com T-E-S-D.

There's like, we've got a virtual reality

show planned.

It's unbelievable how good it looks.

We've got, I mean, we've got, I know that people are like, oh, I mean, they'll never get it done.

Is it like the clay?

You fucking fish.

Don't count us.

That's when you cannot tell them Steve Dave, that's when we're at our most dangerous.

Don't fucking put us in a corner because you won't like how we fucking get out of that corner, bitch.

We'll gnash our teeth and bite.

We'll bite you, fresh fish.

Steve is too hostile to get

so go fucking sign up, or we'll dox the shit out of you and sign you up anyway.

Patreon.com/slash tellhamsteve tell dave.

What you see in front of you, boys, is the tireless work of Nina Rad, who submitted us for this thing called the Webby Awards, a very prestigious podcast

competition.

So Nina Rad

spearheaded a campaign.

Okay.

And

we won?

We did not win, but we're honorees.

I don't know what that means.

Except that we didn't win.

It just means you're a loser.

Yeah.

What?

So

they gave a certificate to the non-winners?

Your official Webby certificate is a mark of internet excellence.

Says the Webby people.

Who beat us?

You want to know who beat us?

Yeah.

You ever hear of Two Dope Queens?

No.

Oh, okay.

It's these two black ladies who do a podcast, and I think they have like an HBO show coming up.

Let me tell you something.

Yeah.

Safe.

They played it safe.

Yeah.

Who did?

The Webbies.

The Webbies.

The Webbies.

Otherwise, we wouldn't just be honorees.

That would say winner.

So basically, what Nina Rad Rad or Rad?

Rad.

So basically, what Nina Rad did was publicly humiliate us.

And wasted all our time.

Thanks, Nina.

Yeah.

Thanks.

Oh,

why can't we just have, you could have, we were so ignorant on what this was.

You could have told us we won, though.

And then we would have walked out of here feeling great.

Nina would have been our hero.

I only lie to girls.

I don't lie to you guys.

Well, thank you, Nina, for

an amazing effort, I imagine.

It was a big effort, and evidently, even to be honored, is like there's thousands and thousands of thousands of podcasts.

So this is evidently, it's a big deal.

Cool.

But

she was up against

some things bigger than

talent.

Yes.

Yes.

And entertainment.

That's cool.

She's really, she's a big supporter, Nina, right?

She's like...

Has been, yeah, she is.

So should she get this?

Should we give this to her to hang?

Let her have that.

She should.

She's like, I don't want that shit.

You didn't win.

Yeah, but she was our Queen's poster.

Yeah.

And I imagine they talk about political stuff.

I've never listened to it, so I'm not really too sure, but I think they give their sassy take on things.

That would be my guess anyway.

Isn't it weird that like how some podcasts talk about politics and it just balloons their listenership?

Other podcasts talk about politics and

it makes their listener base upset.

I think because for years, if you don't talk about politics and all you do is talk about bullshit, people become accustomed to that.

So suddenly you're like, now I'm going to get on a soapbox and tell you my feelings about this shit.

People are like, oh.

I'm getting it everywhere else.

This is like a place I come to to not get that.

I can respect that.

I can respect that.

Two dope queens is a podcast hosted by Jessica Williams and Phoebe Robinson.

The podcast features female comedians, comedians of color, and LGBT comedians in an effort to represent people from different backgrounds.

How many fucking times do we have to have Mike and Ming on before they recognize us?

Here we go.

The podcast guests include John Hamm, Nick Kroll, LeVar Burton, Naomi Eckergen, Nord Davis,

Mark Varon, and Michelle Button.

I don't care about that.

Where on the list is Sunday, Jeff?

Nina.

Nina?

Nina.

We never had a chance.

Never.

We never had a chance, no matter what.

No shortcoming, no fault of hers.

We were not going to win against that.

I mean,

we had

not a chance

at all.

Not in this world.

It was not going to happen.

So don't feel bad.

And

if you can get me her address or if she can email KMUs2 her address, I will make sure that this document reaches her safely.

So even though she sent it to me,

oh, okay, you're going on.

She would rather have it displayed here than I will display it here.

I think she wants it to be a part of history, a part of Lord.

Then you know what?

It will be.

Whatever you want, Nina, the world's yours.

We owe you, Nina.

Yours and fucking two dope queens, evidently.

Maybe it's a good podcast.

Yeah,

I'm not saying it's not.

I'm not sure what it is.

It definitely, definitely is.

I cannot wait to tune in on the way home to listen to John Hamm and some LGBT, whatever, you know, all that stuff.

I can't wait.

Hey, you know, everybody, some people, you need to.

I only hope they talk about politics.

That's all I hope is that they talk about politics.

I love some hot taste.

Yeah.

Something no one else is saying

without the sass.

Oh,

the bitter agony of defeat.

Yeah,

we are not sore winners.

We are not good losers.

Fuck you, Webbies.

So

we have the contest.

For the shirt, the Dick Magna shirt, I keep saying that I'm going to announce the winner.

We had some decent entries.

Not as many as I thought.

People do not know famous people.

Who do we have again?

What's the running?

We got Shaggy.

Shaggy.

What's his name?

Matt Lilliard.

We got Mick Foley.

We got Sven Gooly.

Mankind.

He's awesome.

Is that what he goes by?

Mankind?

That was one of his wrestling names.

And then we had someone else who I can't even remember the name.

I literally cannot remember.

I remember being completely unimpressed.

So that's a question.

I'm a fan of his.

Unless you had somebody else.

Did you have somebody else in mind?

Fuck, whoever you guys want to get.

Whoever you guys are.

So Mick Kind.

Mick Foley's awesome, yeah.

So Mankind gets the dick magnature?

He doesn't.

Whoever got him to say, tell him Steve Dave gets it.

So that person will be celebrated on Twitter, I guess, when I know what their name is.

How are you going to know that?

Well, when I put it out there, I'm like, who sent in that video again?

And then they'll be like, me, and I'll be like, well, you're being celebrated.

Here's your honoree certificate.

Yeah, you win.

You get this plus a fucking useless Webby Award.

Whilst I thought of you and I saw this

ad, because I know that from time to time you become,

you will get offended at

certain ads.

Yeah.

So I saw this one.

This is a BK one.

We talked about it on Pucknuts.

Oh, yeah, the Russians.

The Russian

Get Pregnant World Cup.

Get pregnant by World Cup guy.

Right.

So this is another Burger King one, but I believe this is, I think this is an American one

for Burger King.

And here is the ad for, I guess it's a steak sandwich or something.

Oh, wow.

Very phallic.

It's a woman in profile on the left of the frame with a giant cheese steak coming out of her face, and her mouth is wide open.

Make no mistake, it looks like she's about to suck off that.

She's about to blow it.

Is that because of your general mindset?

Or do you feel that that is

something,

yeah, going to her open mouth?

Well, there's something like.

Is it just because you like blowjobs so much, Q?

I guess so.

Really, Q?

Blowjobs.

That would have been funny if she said that.

What the fuck is she talking about?

Come over and gamble.

But I took a class in my senior year of high school that talked about

suggestive or that like not like mind

subliminal messages and ads.

One of the most interesting classes I ever took.

There are some things in that ad that you guys may may not be aware of at first glance that I that a trained eye will see.

It also bears mentioning that beneath it, it says it'll blow your mind away.

So it's hardly even subliminal.

They're using the word blow.

They're like, in case you didn't notice,

we're talking about blowjobs here, people.

She's white sauce dripping off the fucking sandwich.

No, no, no.

It's not?

What's that?

That's cheese.

Well, it's white and it's dripping off.

That's yellow.

No, that's yellow on the bottom.

What's white up top?

That's

part.

Oh, yeah.

That's that's a main ASQ.

All right.

Right.

Right.

Yeah.

But look at her.

She's like, I can't believe how big this is.

She's not even looking at the sandwich, which is first a tip-off of that there's something else at play here.

Somebody has a gun to her.

That's what I'd like to think.

She's looking at the belly button.

Yes.

Yes.

She would be looking at a man's blue diamond.

Yeah.

Well, that is a great reference.

Blue diamond.

Yeah, the gift, baby.

Not a lot of people are going to catch that.

She almost looks not real, so doesn't she look kind of like one at like a sex?

It's very photoshopped, yeah.

To a point where her skin is almost perfect.

Now, is there some backlash to this ad?

I hope not.

Is it too suggestive?

I believe so.

I mean, suggestive isn't even the word.

At least that was an ad that ran online.

It didn't air on TV, did it?

Something that

I don't know.

Let's see.

Burger King.

Scandalous, I would think.

They had great commercials, too.

They had the great

BK, the Burger King, the king.

Oh, yeah, everybody loved him because he was so

relatable and fucking.

No, but it was cool.

It was kind of like it was the take on their creepy clown.

Right.

Like, he was even creepier, which I thought was such a fun PR campaign.

And now they got to go down to the gutter, though, to get people to come in Burger King.

Trump's America, buddy.

Wow.

Okay.

Well, here you go.

The unwitting star of Burger King's blowjob ad

finally lashes out.

She lashes out at the company, yeah.

Oh, at the company.

She likens the treatment of her image.

I did not read this before.

Likens treatment of her image to rape.

Oh, God.

Go fuck yourself.

Says any woman who's ever gotten raped, you stupid asshole.

Why would you say something like that?

Jesus.

Are we talking about that?

So a job that you got paid for?

Yeah, a job that you got paid for.

All right, got it.

You know, I mean, if they're like, okay, just look really surprised and like you're staring at a man's belly button.

Five years ago, there was a famously suggested burger king ad which ran in Singapore.

The woman who appeared in it without her permission says she has publicly excurated

the fast food chain for humiliating her.

What's that mean?

I didn't understand the word.

Excurated?

I've seen the word.

I don't know what it means though.

148.

Excurrayated.

Excurvated.

Don't get on that fucking phone, you sham.

And can you use it as a sentence?

It says.

look at him sweating right now.

Look at him, man, and a fucking imposter.

He wears your fucking clothes, fucking emperor.

It's 90 degrees.

That's pretty gross.

It's too hot for your brain.

Yeah, his brain's sizzling like a fried egg.

I think there's two fucking mensa men who need to fucking come clean about their IQs.

At least I'm willing to admit I never heard the word before.

No, I've seen it.

I said I don't know what it means.

Ex-created.

E-X-C.

Where is this shit?

It's a fucking 10-cent word that some journalists are saying.

I know.

Let me look up a synonym and spit it instead of just using a fucking simple word.

148.

You're looking at him pondering.

Don't know.

Never seen it.

You've never seen that word?

I've never seen him say.

I don't know if I've ever heard him say, I don't know.

Smart, you're learning.

Okay, here it is.

It's smart when you admit to sense what's going on as opposed to pretending you do.

Instead of fucking plowing through it and pretending he does.

Hold on, let's say.

Excoriate.

Excoriate.

Excoriate.

And it means to censor or criticize severely.

I can't wait to use it around someone.

I'll be like, you don't know what that means?

Really, cue, excuriate.

Now I just want to see her hanging out.

Why all of a sudden?

It's fucking annoying.

So anyway, okay, so she

objects.

Burger King ran my photo online online from a series I did of various facial expressions and contortion poses.

And with no due regard to me as a person,

hold on a second.

Profited off, reducing me to an orifice for their penis sludge, publicly humiliating me in the process.

Friends, family, co-workers, prospective employers who saw it assume I was a willing player.

Those offended by it don't know the extent of what's wrong with the ad.

I didn't know about this being done to my image, let alone agree to pose for the scenario.

The woman even likens BK's treatment of her image to sexual assault.

I believe in sexual expression in art in the media.

It's beautiful and necessary for a healthy society, but it must be consensual, otherwise, it's rape.

She ends her missive with the hashtag, suck on your own slimy seven-incher.

That's a hashtag.

I mean, if I could.

That's a if I could.

And if it would be here right now.

Oh, my God.

If only it were seven inches, I could probably like.

Well, you mean,

let's really, I mean, if all kidding aside, though, I mean,

if that's true, though,

Burger King is, that's shitty of Burger King.

Well, Burger King didn't do it.

Whatever, whatever.

Open your mouth like this.

Well, the ad agency did.

No, that's not what happened.

She took stock photos.

She took all different poses.

And then she sold the license to someone for this.

Which basically is going to say you can do anything you want with these images.

Yeah, but you, but I mean...

How naive is she?

No, Burger King doesn't have a naive.

How naive is she to think that I'm going to get paid for taking these photos, that they're now going to own and could do anything they want and I'm going to approve of every single thing that they do?

It's just not happening.

That's insane.

I mean,

I kind of look at it as like if

my daughter

got a gig taking pictures and then they did that and then she was like totally unaware, I'd feel horrible for her.

Sure.

But I feel like she would be wise enough.

Oh, you'd be wrong.

Well, you wouldn't have, you wouldn't, if she's going to be a model.

I wouldn't think that either, though.

I wouldn't be like, are you sure they're not going to put a s a sandwich in front of your face?

Well, not that specifically, but I would be like, well, you know, the poses that they want you to do, like these weird, like you said, just a series of poses, like, well, what is this for?

She's act shocked.

Right.

You know, like the prices are slashed so low.

You cannot believe that you're getting this deal.

I'm not saying that she's out of line for being like, oh, that fucking sucks.

And if it was my friend, I'd be like, ooh, I feel pretty bad.

It's kind of funny, but I feel pretty bad she's likening it to rape don't say it's rape that's my fuck off yeah sexual assault like just come on there's no you don't think they're taking it too far she's taking a rape can't happen

uh well in that way psychological what is in mental rape i don't know what that means psychologically you're a violated but it doesn't have to be sexual and then it can be anything right so but something like this like she could find it disturbing yeah like you're you saying like act like you're shocked i think they should have told her act like you're pretty enough to be a model She's lucky that she's in this fucking head.

She's got buyer's remorse.

She took their money.

Yeah, but regrets?

I've had a few.

Today alone.

Yeah.

On the way here, once I was here moments ago.

Do you think it's common, though, in the industry where you're going to pose and do things, and all of a sudden they'll take your image and put it

in a place where and frame it in a way that you had no idea you would like foolish or,

I don't want to say slotty.

Right.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, don't slut shame.

Don't fool shame.

I'm offended by that.

I think it's very common.

She's taking stock photos.

Yeah, it's not like it's the first time that it's ever happened.

It's not even the first time it's happened with Burger King.

So get your wits about you.

I've done this before.

Did it to somebody in Singapore, but Singapore, I'm sure they're like, but if you're selling your phone, you'll go to prison.

And it's being like, here's a license to these photos.

photos do whatever you want to them you willing to do that and take that money but then complain when they use it

yeah

i guess you're saying it's a risk it's a risk that you could be framed in the in the ad in a not so like if let's say not so flattering like let's say you did it right somebody's like i'm gonna pay you 500 bucks it's happened though 20 photos i took pictures for um the comic book man and i had no idea how they would be looking

every season right i had no idea how that would look i look like an idiot do you remember the failed blowjob campaign

of season three?

Was it failed?

Because sometimes I came here and it looked like it was very successful.

I'm not going to say who.

But like, all right,

you take like five photos.

Let's say 500 bucks, you take 10 photos.

We're going to own it to you,

and then you end up in like an erectile dysfunction commercial.

Right, right, right.

Like, you could be upset.

that we're all going to make fun of you for that.

Like, dress all in white and stand on the beach.

That's true.

How could you have not have known that that's a possible thing?

It's a possible.

I don't know if I would, my mind would go right to like, well, okay, what's the worst case scenario?

I think most people think

best case scenario, like, I got a job modeling, I got paid to take pictures.

This is amazing.

Well, then you're a fucking idiot.

Best case scenario in this world.

Has that ever worked out?

I've never been like, what's the best it could work out?

That's probably what will happen.

Yeah, that's how it works.

I don't think in my life, ever.

So you're saying that, like, you, if you can't, but you can't ensure that your likeness will be used in a way you approve of if you do that, you're saying right.

But if you're a quote model, end quote, like this lady, you don't have that juice where it's like, I want final sex.

I think, don't you think the industry should change the standards then so we don't have instances like this where people feel violated?

No, no, because that's up to each individual person.

What makes them feel violated?

Someone else could have.

Some people come out and get on Burger King's behind about this.

Burger King will change the way that they operate.

She's calling for a boycott.

Well, Burger King will, but like this woman, like

fuck her, don't hire her.

I would never hire her for photos now.

But let's say, but like, isn't it a good thing, though, if like now,

like, a corporation now has to be like, hey, we're going to use your photos, and this is the campaign.

Are you okay with this?

And she's like, no, okay, well, we'll find somebody who is okay with it.

No.

No.

No.

Why?

Because that's the bit.

Like, just get a model who's like, take the pictures, do whatever the fuck you want with them.

Why don't you want to live in a world like that?

Isn't that a better world than the world we live in?

Because I want somebody, anybody, to have personal responsibility in this fucking world.

Any level of accountability, any level.

Any fucking level of somebody being responsible for their own fucking actions would be nice in this day and age.

And not come out and like, I'm a victim.

Yeah.

I'm a victim.

Even though I signed

and maybe I didn't read the fine print, I had an agent who maybe should have done the same.

It's somehow someone else's fault.

It's Burger King's fault.

Which is not even Burger King's fault.

It's the ad agency's fault.

No, Burger King bought it, though.

Burger King was like, oh, oh,

we love the blowjob sandwiches.

Yeah, you got any more?

So Burger King, the buck stops with Burger King.

If enough people make enough noise, Burger King should be like, we will never run,

we'll never put another model, not the female model, in that position ever again without her approval of the campaign angle.

Now, is it funnier if it's a male model?

Or are they like, no, that would be offensive.

I hate to say it, but it is funnier to me.

It is funnier to me, too.

I don't know why, but it is funnier.

And if you knew the story was the same, where he's like, I knew they were going to do that, it would be even funnier.

They would feel less sympathy for him, too.

You really would.

Yeah.

Kind of like how, like, when guys get raped in prison, you're like, well, whatever you did to get there, you're not going to fuck you.

I shouldn't have evaded those taxes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Why'd you evade the taxes?

Why do you assume it's a tax evasion?

No, I was trying to make it the worst possible thing that you could get raped in jail for.

They shouldn't have had that joint on you.

Don't they go to a federal prison?

Like the guy, if you do it, which I would imagine you're trying every way, which way possible.

No.

No?

No.

You don't look for the loopholes?

You don't tell your guy?

No fucking way.

Because you would go to probably some

country club prison.

Hammer me.

They just finger you.

You just get diddled a little bit.

Well, that's a little bit.

Diddled a little bit.

No,

I'm above the board when it comes to taxes.

You tell a guy, don't look for it.

Don't put anything in offshore accounts.

Nothing.

Let's not.

I don't live in five different states where I don't have to pay.

You're all by the book, you, huh?

Yeah, you gotta be.

You gotta be.

His tax guy is my tax guy.

And

a couple.

She turned me on to him.

Yeah, that made him my paper.

Where's your go and I'll pay taxes?

Who knows?

We are in the process of figuring it out.

This guy's like, whoa.

How do you punish your tax guy?

I was like, please get his life together.

Wow.

That's got to be like Jim Ignatowski level of not paying taxes.

That's the thing.

I've paid a lot of taxes.

It's just not filing the taxes that was my problem.

He actually said it won't be that bad.

Paying taxes

when you pay for a meal.

That doesn't count?

No.

So

you're saying when you say I pay taxes.

Yes, I pay taxes.

But they take money out of the comic book men stuff.

That's where they get you, by by the way.

Yeah.

Because I failed to report the first year we did Tell him, Steve Dave, we made like fucking like 20 bucks on it.

I failed to report it.

Four years later, the government came to me with a $4,000 fine.

And

I was like, don't pay that.

I was like, pay that immediately.

And I was like, and pay everything else.

Yeah, he was,

he was, he marveled at.

He's like, I don't know how they haven't come at you yet or seized any assets, like anything.

He's like, they haven't gone into your bank.

He's like, seriously?

He's like, you would notice, right?

And I said, yeah, I would notice.

There's a lot of Brian Johnson's out there

out there probably in the world, though.

Someone's paying for my crimes right now.

Everybody's got rapes in prison.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

I don't know.

No.

20-minute episode, 40 minutes.

Okay.

That was a good question.

I mean, I thought you guys are both cackling about some poor Brian Johnson's in room, but that's how you'd want to go out.

That's how you'd want to ride.

You make it that way.

That sounds tremendous.

All right, fine.

That's it.

Go and get some more, get some more.

Some yucks in.

Can you think of anything else this poor Brian Johnson's suffering because of

the lighten your guy's spirit so much?

Take me and then bring it down a few notches.

How many Brian Johnson do you think are there in this country right now?

Other than the ACDC?

Is he a single?

Thousands upon thousands.

Yeah, the Brian Johnson from ACDC.

Well, he's not in ACDC anymore.

They've forced retirement.

What did you think of that when Axel took his place on stage for the tour?

It was my understanding that Axel didn't know he was.

He's like the Burger King chicks?

He didn't know he was singing for ACTC.

He didn't know ACTC.

He didn't know that they were basically like, all right, you're out.

Like, I think that he was like.

He didn't know who's saying he's out.

He didn't know that.

I think what I heard was he didn't know that Brian Johnson was basically not told of it.

Oh, he wasn't in on.

He didn't know that he wasn't in on the decision to bring in

the star front man.

Yes, I thought he thought he had the blessing, and then it turned out he didn't.

Really?

I thought that was very, like, to me, that was such a

cool take, though.

But he couldn't perform, right?

Because it was a hearing?

Hearing.

So if you can't perform and you got these concert obligations,

to me, the coolest way to rectify that problem is let's get a bigger name than even the band of the guy who was in the band to do do the songs.

It's unbelievable.

It'd be cool.

I saw what's the name, Adam Lambert performed with Queen.

Yeah.

And it was fun.

It was a lot of fun.

And they sold out the fucking credentials and like, have you ever played that game where you're like, like, put a front man in another, like, in a different band, like a solo artist?

You never played that game on the road?

No.

You should do that with IJ when you guys are on the bus tour.

I'll try it.

Did you do it with the girls?

Yeah.

They don't know anybody I'm talking about.

I was going to say, like, you're like, so you take so-and-so from King Crimson.

And then you put them in Captain Beyond.

I think there's an exhaust leak in the car.

I know that people were disappointed that, because that was the same summer or around the same time that Guns N' Roses reunited.

So people who are seeing both were like, well, now I'm seeing Axel Rose twice.

So it wasn't as

cool to see Axel Rose with Guns N' Roses after all those years.

Did you see Axel perform the ACDC set list?

No, I saw him twice with Guns N' Roses.

Yeah, you weren't interested to see that.

That would be very interesting.

I don't even think they came around here with him.

Yeah, I wonder how he did.

What's the reviews?

Guns N' Roses was an awesome concept.

When they first started,

he was singing in a lower register, and I was like, I don't know, that's going to happen, I guess.

But then

within minutes, it was like...

It was mind-fucked.

It was 80s.

He wanted to make everybody think like he's a hasbin.

Yeah, and he's like, fuck you.

It was like big, middle finger, just like you give to your authority figures.

Yeah.

Or Mary Beth.

She'll listen to me long enough.

Yeah,

he sounded great.

It's such a weird dynamic, though.

We noticed that if

Axel's on one side of the stage, Slash is on the other side.

And if Axel runs across the stage, Slash is going to be on the other side.

No warmth.

Oh, you felt that.

Not between those two.

Intentional.

Between everybody else backs to each other, playing guitar and looking at each other.

So you felt that the intentional, they were intentional that they didn't want to,

for the crowd, you think, to speculate, or was it legitimate?

I think it was legitimate.

I think it was legitimate.

Here's been times.

Hey, I want to turn my back on you guys.

Yeah.

I told him to go fuck myself two weeks ago.

I'm going to believe it.

I don't know that it's not still coming today.

I know, but yeah.

You told me to fuck off two weeks ago.

Later that day, we're back-to-back podcasting and shit.

it's uh i i it i i can imagine what it would take though i mean aside from severe mental illness because like evidently axel was pretty bad off

bipolar or something yeah uh what it would to have that level of like i'm not even going to speak to this person that's how much i don't want to

sort of resolve this situation i've heard you say that that like you've made the proclamation never talking to that person again yeah but i'm full of shit we know that we know you know if it's somebody i'm close to it's in the moment you You can get, oh, yeah.

I don't recall the instances, but I got a text and you were like, I'm never talking to Ming ever again.

And I was just like, come on.

Oh, I remember what it was.

It was

something with the con

where you guys didn't get paid.

Well, they didn't get paid because you didn't show up.

But no, but Ming was mad.

This was.

That was when Ming was mad at me.

No, I know.

No, Ming got mad at you, and then you got mad at Ming for fucking daring to get mad at you.

And you were furious.

That might have been a different time.

I feel like I vaguely remember this.

Yeah.

And it's weird that I'm like, that you text me out of the blue because I don't go on the con, so I don't know why I'm getting this angry text.

And then Ming did it too one night.

And at like four o'clock in the morning, I happened to be up.

He just writes a text to me: no more favors.

That's all it was out of context.

I would have written back.

I think this was for Mike.

Like new phone with this.

That's how you end that episode, Bob.

I can't even say it.

Tell him, Steve David.

At two in the morning,

I'm going to go to the next one.

Each strong breath is needed.

But I feel sure we'll hopefully

lose terror to dead.

I'll have you, no matter how long it takes.

Guess I'll have to be content to wait.

Content to wait.

I guess I'll have to be content to wait.

I stepped on your parasol.

On the other throne, with the silence.

I don't think this is a tune, that's what we just do.

Across the hall, I wanna feel like I do.

I guess I'll have to be content to wait.

And there's a way.

I guess I'll have to be content to wait.

Life can prove that this is real.

Some souls away in your face.

No watch in the world that sees.

Time souls in the rock of melody.

And fix it with reality.

Life dreams when you're back again.

Cause we like the world's turns.

Look at me in the valley.

But that's the world just now to wait.

Waking up in the middle of a freezing bed, see someone fair.

I lay down to my bed.

And if I close my eyes, I can't still sing more chance to bust the explorer.

Blissfully

didn't have to be content to wait.

I didn't have to be content to wait.

Countries where the world becomes like air.

Some of the summer waves in your lives.

Oh, washing over messes.

Black souls and the wonderful fan dreams.

And placed in every element.

Life shifts when they do fight in the end.

Just the love that the world is ending.

But now I need to play the driver, and the world just melts away.

If we never understand.

And we'll never let you

talk to me darkly.

And there's no conflict.

And you are so

tempted before the storm now swirls and sheds Of crimson and battle.

The mom closes in, we grip each other's hands.

Tighter and tighter, it's us versus them.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have to keep the arms on my weapon.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

We'll be okay, but I'm wanna be the same.

Cause it's such a warm girl, sighs.

We're watching our dances.

Flat songs to the right of fairy tree, and things to hear the fair enemy, life changes when they're back in the game.

Just be like the world is ending.

But that means the family's been put out, the world is melted away.

Something so

when you got this wash your

dresses,

like songs to run the family tree, and thanks to everyone.

Life changes when they're back in the game.

to be back in the world.

Where the speed moved as the world just goes away.

This has been a production of Smodco Internet Radio, sir, only at Smodcast.com.