#384: My Brother the Car

Edward Scissor hands over here.

It's not a real radio, bro.

I am a human being.

Tell them, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

I'm here with Walt and two very special guests.

Now, one is very special for one reason, and that's Gidem.

Howdy, y'all.

And the other is special.

He's

another guest that people responded to.

Walt, they liked him, they liked what he brought.

Nice guy.

I agreed.

I thought it was one of the best non-Q episodes we've ever done was when this guest came here.

That would be my brother, Eric.

The official Tellum Steve Dave Town shrink.

And boy, would this guy be busy.

Holy shit.

With just the talent or or with just the listener base?

The listener base, yeah.

Once you get through us, and then you have to go on to the listeners, forget it, man.

It's good to be back.

It's like a recession-proof shit.

Yeah, you're here.

Our cousin got married.

Went to a wedding for the first time.

When did you get married?

Yours was the last wedding I went to.

So five years ago.

Okay, so yeah, that was five years ago.

Which cousin do I know?

Him or her?

David.

Yeah, remember Charlie?

You know Charlie, the one who was afraid of Ed.

The one that was afraid of you?

And Ed, yeah.

He got married?

No, his brother.

His older brother.

Charlie, you're married?

How is Charlie doing?

Charlie's pretty good, man.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, he was the best man.

He was doing all right.

Charlie is my cousin, he was Asperger's, right?

That's that is, yes,

diagnosis, yeah.

Yes.

A lot of that going around.

It's contagious, I think.

But yeah, we went to the wedding and he married fine black woman and she told me she's converting to Judaism.

Oh, is that true?

That's what she told me.

Yeah.

But why?

The Johnsons are Jewish?

No.

My aunt, this is really kind of weird.

Originally, my aunt Leanne and my uncle Roger.

Roger was Jewish.

My aunt converted.

They got divorced.

She then married another Jewish guy.

But I guess, can you say, like,

like, isn't the thing like if your mother's Jewish, then you're Jewish?

But does conversion count?

So in a very strict,

I guess, Judaic tradition, you can only be Jewish if you're born from a Jewish mother.

But I think now things are more liberal.

2018, you can be anything you want.

But not Israel, right?

And

so I think in Israel.

Say it.

In Israel, they also, I believe, have expanded their definition.

I actually think it was England was the

last sect of hardcore Jewish

folks that did not want to accept

no conversions?

Yeah, conversions.

But I'm not an expert.

If I was going to go

convert to something else, it'd probably be Jewish.

Because of Sunday, Jeff?

Well, yeah, I wouldn't lie.

That would be part of the reason.

It'd be cool to

have something else in common with them.

But it just seems like the second coolest religion out there.

Which is the first Satanism, obviously.

Oh, no, I was going to say.

I was going to say Catholicism.

Catholicism?

Yeah.

They do have some pretty gory shit, man.

There's like some great imagery in Catholicism.

See, what I like about Judaism is they have these set rules, and then they're constantly coming up with ways to subvert them.

Which, because I live near Lakewood, so I've heard a lot about Judaism.

Like, they're not allowed to carry things on the Sabbath.

But what they do is, in order to get in and out of their homes, part of of their belt is a key to the house.

So they're not actually carrying it because it's part of

dry hump the lock.

Now I've heard it wasn't carry things.

It was like not use modern appliances.

Like, how could you not carry?

It's almost impossible to live your life rather than just stay in bed all day in the Sabbath.

Well, no, they're not carry something.

They have a baby.

Now, here we go.

This is a great part.

They're not allowed to carry things outside of the home or the community.

So what they do is they set up a thing called an A-roove, which is if you've ever been into a place like Lakewood, you'll see this string all like hanging, uh, like strung up about like 20-30 feet.

And that is, under Judaism, considered a boundary or a wall.

So, as long as they're inside that, they're considered inside their community or inside their home, so they can get past the carrying thing.

But now, if they step outside of that, like they have to go, they have to go travel to another place.

The key is part of their belt, so they're not carrying anything.

You got a good

impractical joker's joke.

The jokers go in and at night, move the boundary string on on them.

Yeah,

coin thing.

No, there are.

Our screen's been compromised.

I've seen on the neighborhood message boards, like when a storm comes through and

something takes down, so then they have to somehow get someone who's not part of the community to come and fix it.

That could be me.

If they let me in, I'll be like an honorary.

Yeah, the coin face.

Well, some families do.

They'll have someone who comes in on the Sabbath to turn on their stove for them.

Or some stoves have a.

That's what Simmy said.

Simmy said he watches TV because someone else will turn the TV on.

Or some stoves have a special mode which allows them to stay on for longer periods than they normally automatically shut off.

Why is the Judaic God such a pain in the ball?

One day a week.

I mean, come on.

It's like, seriously.

So we can't turn on things that weren't even invented at the time.

Exactly.

I was pissed off because I'm going to go to Chick-fil-A today.

Could you imagine being Jewish and not being able to watch NFL football?

Or if your day was like, I'm going to go get some Chick-fil-A, then go over to Hobby Lobby, you're gone.

In Israel, they have a special mode on the elevators that it stops at every floor, both going up and going down, so that no one has to press the button.

So they just get onto it, and eventually they get to the floor.

It's a great religion.

They're not allowed to use razors,

but they can use

an electric razor because since the blades cross each other, It's not considered a razor, it's considered a scissor, which they are allowed to use.

It's just, it's this great religion of strict rules and then ways to get around them.

Yeah,

the ceremony had some of that kind of stuff.

Like they had a smoking orange, like some spices inside an orange or something, right?

Yeah, I'm surprised you knew what was going on since you talked throughout the entire ceremony.

I'm not sure.

I wasn't sure if I should be insulted by this, but I was talking to Eric's wife, you know, whispering.

Look, when I got there, I had tossed back a few because I'm like, I don't really want to.

Such a disapproving parent.

You You just sat like just there.

Oh, yeah.

So I tossed back a few before I went.

I actually had, I brought a cocktail into the ceremony because,

I don't know, is that poor form?

I feel like it's probably not, right?

It's in a hotel.

It was commented on by others.

Really?

Maybe some more conservative family members you have.

But you're serving alcohol, though.

But aren't groomsmen normally given like little flasks by the camera?

Well, I wasn't a groomsman, and I got my drink from the hotel bar.

Yeah, you usually don't walk into the ceremony with a cocktail, and uh, well, you do if you've had three or four already,

the only one, well, no, Mary Beth also, and Beth also had one.

I was like, it's cool, man, it's cool to worry about.

But then he's like, I was trying to talk to his wife, and he's like, he basically compared me to like one of his schizophrenic patients.

He's like, you know how I tell them to ignore the voices in their heads?

Like, you have to ignore

his voice in your head?

He'll never stop.

It'll just keep going.

going.

So just ignore it.

That's your brother talking.

It is funny in the man.

It's all aspects of life, whether it's a christening,

a marriage, or a funeral, it's constant.

He has to sit there and whisper in your ear and try to make you laugh.

Did you see the makeup on that corpse?

It doesn't look real at all.

I was like, I don't know if I want to to go.

It's a wedding.

But afterwards, it was like, oh, it was not so bad.

Like, I saw some relatives I had not seen in a long time.

And I took the opportunity to tell a few of them, like,

one, my Uncle Roger, David's father, like, I was walking in the bathroom, and he's walking out, and he's like, oh, excuse me.

Like, he didn't even recognize me because he hasn't seen me in some time.

And then I talked to him later on, and I told him, I was like, you know, you were sort of like, there were some impactful moments when I was young that you were a part of, you know, like my first Hendrix record.

He gave me a whole bunch of comics.

He brought me to the haunted mansion once.

He was the guy who took me to see Jaws the

second time.

Yeah.

You never told it.

Was this the alcohol?

Yeah, I was like, come here.

I love you.

I love you, man.

I'm going to sleep over.

You're the greatest.

Yeah, that doesn't sound like you to start waxing poetic and no, that was probably like eight or nine drinks.

I was like, come here, you.

I'm going to make this about me.

Saw my uncle Paul and Aunt Gail, and

my cousin Michelle, who's probably about your age, right?

A little bit younger.

She's a little bit more than you.

I'm Tracy's age.

Yeah, she's a little bit younger than Tracy, I think.

And she has kids, one's 17, one's 15, and I told them about how I nearly got a DUI when I was 18, but I dropped their dad's name, and the cops let me go.

Who was her dad to the cops, though?

He was a councilman in town.

Really?

Yeah.

And

it turned out he had appointed one of the cops.

So when I dropped that name, it was like the exact guy I should have dropped it to.

Did you drop it?

Like, were you told by your uncle to like, hey, if you ever get pulled over, so you were just pulling it just over?

I was just going to hell, Mary.

But I wasn't drunk.

I wasn't driving drunk.

I just had a case of beer in the car, and I was too young to have it.

So I was like, it all worked out.

That was back in the day, though.

I don't know if that kind of stuff happens anymore.

No, I don't think so.

That was the 80s.

Yeah.

And nowadays you see like the dash cam footage when they arrest a congressman or a selectman or something.

Yeah.

And they try to drop the, hey, do you know who I am?

And they're like, we don't care.

We don't give a shit who you are.

So, Eric,

you had to make a hard decision.

You were going to either come here for the wedding or down to Charlottesville for that nationalist meeting.

And you chose a wedding.

Yeah.

I guess I don't think they have

this meeting anyway.

I know there will be Jews at this wedding.

Have we turned the tiki torches?

I saw the media, like, it was, I can't remember, CNN, something, and it's, I'm like, why can't everyone just agree to ignore them?

Like, let them march, let them do whatever, but just like media blackout, don't report on it, nobody go, nobody yell.

It drives viewers to come watch it.

Like, it angers people, so they'll watch, and you, and you, you rev up your side.

I know why the media is trying to rev up your side.

And it's,

I'm saying, if the people, like, if anybody who's anti-whatever,

Nazis and shit, just don't go.

Like, completely ignore them.

Let them march around.

Let them march around a little bit with their signs, and nobody's going to give a fuck.

Instead of like clashes and people getting hit by cars and all kinds of crap.

But you attach the name Trump or elude the fact that it's attached to Trump, and it instantly, people will flock to it because

they want to see something bad happen.

And I think that's what causes all the people to get down there with cameras because what's going to happen?

I've been in a media media blackout for like the last seven days.

Have you?

Yeah, not for any reason.

Just like, yeah, I haven't turned the TV on at all.

No news, nothing.

How do you like it?

Yeah, I don't miss it, but it's just some other things going on that caused my mind to be centered around anything but news right now.

Did I miss anything?

I heard somebody, my wife said that somebody hijacked an airplane, though.

I was just talking about that with Jeff today because he used to work for an airline.

It was a real airplane or was it a

two-man plane or something?

No, it was a Bombardier turboprop plane.

Okay, but not a jackpot.

It was like those.

No, it was a turboprop.

Those lawn chairs with the balloons attached to it.

No, it's like one of those 40, 50 person ones that they're doing.

It was like an inside guy, right?

Yeah,

he worked handling cargo and taxiing the planes, I guess, like with that little cart, you know, back and forth.

But he knew.

He didn't fly it around, right?

Oh, no, he flew it around.

He did something.

He didn't flew around.

He flew around.

Did he die?

Yeah.

Well, they still haven't found the body, so they're not declaring him him dead from the article.

That's what I was thinking.

But he did, they have some footage of because, like, I guess when people saw the plane being followed by jets, the F-16s, they started filming it.

And there's this one, he does an aileron roll, which is like almost like a bar roll, and then he gets he almost like skims the surface of a lake.

And people pulled up the air traffic control radio, and you you know, there's recordings of him going back and forth with the air traffic controllers.

And he's like, they're like, okay, we're gonna have you land over at this Air Force base.

And he's like, no, I don't want to do that.

They might have anti-aircraft or they're probably going to rough me up when I land.

He was suicidal, I heard.

Oh, yeah.

What the air traffic controller should have did,

piped in Macon Hay

to the cockpit.

Yeah.

Right?

Maybe that like that may have turned a tide.

I've heard that it.

I heard it does wonders.

It is an elixir.

It is.

It is food of the gods.

It's all that.

Yeah.

Have you ever diagnosed and prescribed a podcast?

Have we asked you this?

Yeah, we asked you that the first time.

Have you done it since the last time that we had this?

Since now we just play that episode over and over again on the audio hospital.

Oh, loop.

Yeah.

Now, can you remind listeners what your profession is again?

I'm a psychiatrist.

Do you want to give where you practice or no?

And your home address and social science.

I think I did last time so they can reflect the fact that

you're going to be able to do that.

Last time I was in residency, and now I am no longer in residency.

What's the next step after residency?

You're just a psychiatrist.

You can do a fellowship.

I chose not to do a fellowship because additional one to two years.

So, all I have to do now is take my psychiatry boards,

which I will do in September.

You can open up your own practice?

I could.

I could do it now.

Are you going to?

Paying your own shoes.

I work with a county in Southern California.

You're not interested in having like a big big sign

on the sidewalk that says Eric Johnson.

So in psychiatry, yeah.

So if you work in a private office,

you don't get to work with the sickest patients.

The sickest patients are all taken care of by the county or the state or by the prison system.

So

you want to deal with the sickest?

It's the most interesting.

It's

interview patients.

That's where you can do the most kind of good.

And it pays almost just as well as private.

I would think that

dealing with the sickest is almost like

this is such a huge challenge.

Most likely, if you deal with someone who's not as sick, you feel like you are accomplishing more because you put them back on the road a lot easier.

Instead of you wasted your whole life.

But if they're the worst and they make some kind of improvement, it really shows.

Yeah.

It's like when you clean, sometimes cleaning the dirtiest thing first is the best.

Yeah, that's got to be some sort of also some sort of agenda on your part, right?

That you only want to deal with the sickest.

Maniacs.

So it's a little more difficult to hear somebody complaining when it appears they have, you know, everything going for them in life.

Who does that?

Versus, you know, somebody that's really having a hard time.

And like,

I mean, he actually said it quite nicely.

Sometimes it's just about getting someone to take a shower every day or getting someone to join a clubhouse or getting to the library every day because they're so low functioning.

That to you is more appealing than

getting somebody to be like, I don't know, like

what's a more

less

somebody maybe

with

just kind of basic anxiety or a mild depression.

OCD.

You know, you have patients in private sectors.

I think that's a very good idea

that will come in and they are depressed because

their Ferrari broke or something.

Those kinds of things are

complaining about Ferrari.

My car broke today on the way here.

It wasn't a...

What did you call the first car you said?

Ferrari.

Ferrari.

It's not a Ferrari.

It's a Prius.

But isn't that universal then?

Whether your Ferrari breaks down or your Prius, it's like it sucks when your car breaks down.

Should I not have been?

Because I have other things to do with that.

I'll send you to the library or a close.

Let me go take a shower real quick and come back.

So another component is

I'm not that interested in therapy.

And generally, somebody can be helped with these kind of mild type disorders through therapy.

So I don't really.

You're not interested in therapy, you're interested in

medication management.

and that's what most psychiatrists do.

We prescribe, we do ECT, we do those types of things, electro-convulsive therapy, those.

Now, do you listen to Selm Steve Dave on a somewhat regular basis?

Yeah, I still do.

I'm just a little behind because my commute changed.

So, you know of

Get him Steve Dave, you have somewhat of a,

you've heard him on the podcast, so you know kind of his.

Of course, yeah.

What are your, now that you've you've spent a little bit of time in a wider person what's your feeling so like um

what do you think is wrong with him I'm not really sure you know

when's the last time you were a psychiatrist get him

about five years ago I'd say all right so it's been five years so I can tell you

the background what I know about him obviously he's very intelligent he usually has the facts correctly

when maybe other people don't.

Two men on the moon, do I hear someone say?

But

yes.

So now, is intelligence garnered from just memory, or is intelligence by figuring something out?

So I before whispering sooner than intelligence

was

first started being measured, I think, in France,

was the original IQ test.

And it was used to predict academic achievement for their school system.

Now it's kind of broken out into many different areas now.

So you have like emotional intelligence, you know, different types of intelligence.

So with facts and

scholarly type of

intelligence, I think Getham does very well.

But, you know, I'm going to kind of disclose something because so you would ask me to not

tell people that Getham doesn't have Asperger's.

And I was feeling kind of like unethical about that.

God damn it.

But the more I sit across from him and I'm watching him, I'm not really sure he does.

Oh, yeah?

Okay.

Oh, look at it, look at him.

He wants it, though.

He wants to have it, though, because it's an out for him, I think, at times.

He uses it

as a get-out-of-jail card.

He couldn't even take a shower to this.

There is a spectrum of severity.

But basically, it's a disorder

which we believe is related to these certain neurons in your brain, which helps you predict social behavior.

They're called mirror neurons.

And so

as I reach for something, your brain tells you he's reaching for that.

So sudden movements for people with autism or aspergers, they make them very startled.

And so the way you can kind of tell if somebody has autism or aspergers is watching how they interact in a social situation.

And, you know, Genum's very animated with his hands, takes cues, and all these things.

So I'm not sure he.

I don't know, Gedham.

How do you answer this?

Well,

I mean,

I think I trust these guys a little more than your average person on the street.

Well, he's not an average person on the street, though.

But he's family of

Johnson?

Yeah.

So?

That doesn't mean he had to go through all the proper schooling.

And what does that mean?

That's what all it comes down to.

He's a Johnson.

I'm not here to, you know, I'm not going to diagnose you, but I mean,

that would be a good thing, right?

I guess.

But if you were to go to a psychiatrist right now, what's one thing you would want to would you is there anything at all that you'd want to ask them or talked about?

Or no, you're just nothing, you're just not, you wouldn't have no interest?

I well, whenever I went, we just mostly just talked about

how I was doing.

So if I had any particular problems at that point in time, do you have any particular problems that you could talk to Eric about right now, or that you would feel comfortable talking about also in front of us and all the listeners?

Make it good.

that he can help you with.

Like, if you're only going to get this

free advice one time only, man.

He came to you.

Doctor Making it helpful.

What about work?

I mean, I know you got some problems here at work, some issues you deal with.

We could talk about it here right now with the doctor.

Such as

a joint session.

Okay.

Oh, like couples therapy almost.

Yeah.

Bust a little couples therapy out on these guys?

I mean, I could, like I said, I don't do therapy very much.

We do do it.

Let's give them some medicine.

Anything that you could think?

Everything's perfect?

No,

I just haven't drawn a blank.

He is, is he like clinically eccentric, maybe?

Because he does weird stuff.

Well, that's not a disorder to be eccentric.

So, you know, I look for things that are functional impairments, like people not being able to shower, people not being able to work.

So do you, have you received any special accommodations for this diagnosis in the past?

I don't know.

Maybe you don't want to talk about this because this could lead into him looking for special treatment around here.

And then, next you know, litigation issue, if you want to.

I did get out of jury duty because of it.

So,

is that?

I mean, I think that's really the only thing.

Like I said, he uses it to his advantage and he doesn't want it taken away.

Yeah.

Kind of like someone with maybe a light ankle sprain getting that special handicap access at Disneyland.

Ah, all right.

Gidem, you could do that, right?

You could hire yourself out at Disney.

We talked about that.

Oh, yeah, I remember that to the lines.

So this is what you're thinking about, get him now.

That maybe

I mean, we would have to do a

interview and I'm going to be.

I think he's a level four hoarder?

No, no, I'm a lot lower than that.

I'd say one or two, not like

the hoarding.

Have you dealt with anybody who hoards?

I've not dealt with I haven't had any patients that are hoarders.

We do work with hoarders in our clinic setting, but none of my patients have.

What about a man who would has a he is in

what would you say?

I mean, it would be something, I would think, that he would need to try to break this horrible cycle of not throwing anything away, like in terms of like

packaging that comes.

Like if he orders something from like online, he can't throw the cardboard box it came away with.

He'll save it and put it as a special place, and he knows where it is like that, though.

And not to reuse it, right?

No, if I can reuse it, I will reuse it.

How often?

When's the last time you reused packaging?

Well, I reuse a lot of the packaging here.

I'm not talking about here.

I'm talking about stuff, but stuff I get, I reuse it here.

But stuff at home, if I've ever had to mail stuff out, I try to, I go from within first.

How many years of a backlog of boxes do you have?

How much shit could he be sending out from home?

Yeah, not that many.

I don't send out that that much stuff, so I've seen over 10 years.

Probably, yeah.

Every time I come in, he's got like you guys have another as seen on TV pair of glasses or something.

So I know he's ordering stuff all the time.

So, again, I'm how would you feel if you found out someone was at your home right now throwing away those packaging?

It does not go very well.

Furious.

He would be beside himself.

It doesn't even look you suggesting.

It's happened before.

You can't see the face.

It's happened before, and it did not turn out well.

My friend Debbie, she cleaned out my something in my muscles.

It's setting him right now, thinking about it.

It is.

He kind of did tense up quite a bit after I said

he was relaxed.

Look, his jaw is set and everything.

What if he told you right now that

my car didn't break and I was at your house and I threw away all your stuff?

You wouldn't have had enough time

and changed your sheets.

You're nowhere near out of breath enough.

And what happened to my cats?

Are my cats over there?

I let the cats go.

They've been running down the road.

Be well, kids.

Be well.

I didn't do that, though.

I was just testing you.

So, I mean, the second.

Okay, so it would cause you anxious distress, something like that.

But it's just cardboard.

So why does it cause you distress?

If I get a chance to go through it, touch it,

be able to possibly save something that would remind, you know, be able to take 1% of 100%

to be able to save, then I could, you know, then slowly work that 1% down to another 1%.

This could be your John Merrick.

Yeah.

Could build a career.

I am a human being.

So

has it caused you

any problems at home?

Like, do you feel like it's dangerous, like a fire hazard?

I mean, not so much.

Everyone else does.

It's not like a collier's mansion.

It's not like you're, you know, you're not like you're stumbling over things.

I don't know if we can cut this if you don't like to hear it, but he's had a girlfriend, and he cannot have her come over because

she can't see the state of his house.

Okay.

So you have a new girl?

Well, that's the old girlfriend.

So that's the kind of thing we look for that points to a disorder, right?

Because it's impairing his ability to form relationships with other human beings.

Right.

Or that's fair, right?

Yeah, it is.

Or maybe it's a genius move.

You're like, I don't have to have her over here, man.

That's why I think that it's a bachelor.

I call it my bachelor pad because he kind of is.

He's justifying now with that, right?

Doc?

Yeah, what do you call that in the map?

Sure, whatever you guys say.

He's using it to his advantage, he thinks.

Yeah, I don't really buy that response.

I think I am comfortable there.

That's what, I think that's my prime motivation: I'm comfortable.

It's my space.

So, where do you meet your girlfriend?

When she came out, we went to her hotel room.

You stayed in her hotel room.

But she wanted to come and be in Jersey, and he couldn't because she wouldn't be able to live at his place because of the state of the.

No, I said I was willing to let her move in.

If she came out to New Jersey, I

signed this waiver.

My big fear is: I don't want someone to come out to New Jersey,

change their life radically, come out to New Jersey, and then something happens in the relationship very early on, and now she's stuck here.

So, was it the state of the house that you would have cleaned it up for her?

Oh, I would have, yeah, I would have cleaned it up.

I had my friend live there for a couple weeks when her parents kicked her out.

So, how many years ago was that?

That would have been what, like three years ago?

That's probably a normal concern, though.

Like, she's going to uproot her life, change everything.

And he's like, what if it doesn't work out?

Yeah.

So, but going back just a little bit on what you said,

is she wealthier that she can get motel rooms to?

If she asked me to contribute, I chipped in.

But she would have to ask, though.

So you would rather have your cardboard packaging and pay for her to stay in a hotel?

I said that to you.

I said that to you, right?

I was just like, you're flanneling.

I said you would rather have you would rather like, wouldn't you rather have her at your hat place than go to a hotel room?

I kind of I tell you the truth, I kind of liked a hotel room.

It was nice.

Like a little getaway vacation.

Because like I said, I don't sleep on my bed because it gives me back problems.

So it was nice being able to go to a hotel where I could sleep on a bed.

So, what's on the bed right now?

What?

Bed bugs.

The sheets and the blankets.

Oh, there's nothing on top of the bed?

No.

So someone could sleep there.

Yeah, someone could sleep there.

Why don't you sleep?

Yeah.

It hurts my back.

I get a lower back pain for some reason.

I got to either flip the mattress or get a new mattress.

Or get a new mattress.

Psychosomatic?

The back pain?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

That's a way to cure for it, though.

There's that book by John Sarnow.

He says all back pain is bullshit.

I don't believe that's true.

But he doesn't want it.

There's things he could do to improve his, and he doesn't do it, though, for whatever reason.

He won't go buy a new mattress, so he can just start sleeping on his bed.

I don't know why.

It's insane.

It's like one of those, like, what's the ones that they incline and shit?

Oh, the craftmatic?

Yeah, man.

Right now, it would be pretty much cost about half of what it costs for my G for me to get a new mattress.

So, because it's a king.

It's a king-size.

Not the box spring,

the whole

thing.

Yeah, the frame with the drawers underneath and everything.

So, at what point do you say to yourself, I'm worth?

I'm a human being.

I'm worth

it, though.

I don't know.

I mean, I'm and it's not like your car was 40 grand and the mattress is going to be 20,000.

Like, how much is a king mattress?

Like, 1,000 bucks?

You can get a TSD code, you can get that half mattress.

The Casper one's about $2,000.

Sweet Casper?

The Casper one is $2,000 for a King.

That's the time I looked, yeah.

So that's kind of the pushing off because I did just buy a vehicle.

So, you know,

that was.

Well, tell him what you do with your money.

What?

I don't trust banks, so I, you know, keep it.

And some of it.

Some of it is stashed around my property in various locations.

Underground.

Yeah, he buries it.

CBC.

Like a cat in a cat box.

So you could put it in a safe deposit box

or a safe inside your home?

I could, but I'd be worried about fire then because, you know.

Isn't there fireproof safes?

They do, but then, you know, it's something someone can identify and steal.

Okay.

Identify a safe, be like, I'll steal it.

So you're concerned about theft as well.

Yeah.

And nobody's going to be, nobody's going to know, because you've got a lot of property out there.

Nobody's going to know where to look.

You got your GPS coordinates and shit?

Yeah.

It's mostly lined up.

Trigonomics.

Tell them how you're terrified of going in the shower.

Tell them the truth.

You got your work.

Tell them that you keep a knife.

I keep a knife in my shower.

Why would you have a knife in your shower?

Just in case someone tries to attack me while I'm in the shower.

I also keep one on the head of my bed, and pretty much they're stashed throughout the house.

In case someone tries to attack me in the shower.

So you know what?

The next question I would ask somebody that told me that?

I have a clear shower curtain, so that's why.

How are you not under locking?

Because

when I take a shower, I I like to blast the music so I can't really hear anything.

So, in case someone tries to sneak up on me, I keep a knife in my shower.

So, we are on a podcast, so if you don't want to answer this, but have you ever been charged with a violent crime or assault?

No.

Why would you ask that next?

See, that's not.

You said you know the question.

I didn't think that would be the question you'd ask next.

No, it is.

I need to assess how.

I was going to say, where do you hide that knife?

Oh, I already know he's dangerous.

I'm just trying to assess the level of dangerousness at this point.

Like the knife is hidden in the shower, right?

Yes.

That's crazy, right?

Where do you hide it?

Is it like in a shampoo bottle?

No,

it's behind the washcloth, hanging up on a suction cup in the shower.

So it's easily reachable.

How long have you done it for?

I've had that there for

eight, nine years now.

And you check it all the time, right?

Well, I can kind of see the edge of it hanging out behind the washcloth.

It wasn't there,

but you would not get it.

No,

that'd be kind of, well, I'd have to look.

I wonder how someone got into my house.

I mean, it's anything.

If you come into your house and there's something that was there you know before and now it's missing, isn't that?

That's what you have to do.

Don't clean up the cardboard, just remove that knife.

Do you feel on edge as if someone would come into your home?

No, just in case.

Have you ever been attacked before?

Have you ever

come in and steal anything from you before?

He has been attacked.

I heard some of the,

I mean, some of his upbringing episodes.

Oh, the pillow.

Yes.

I mean, no, no one said, no one has attacked me in my home, but it's just, I feel safer having it there.

And when my, like when my ex went away to college, I gave her a knife to keep it on her bed as well.

And

there's one on both sides of my bed.

So it was one for me, and then one for the

Edward Scissor hands over here.

Tell him, now, do you think, do you know his history about how his

true love left him for a blind man?

Yes, I do remember

I point to that moment as being where everything unraveled.

No, because does that always happen when someone's girlfriend leaves them for a blind man?

That would be far more.

They always unravel.

But wouldn't it be more traumatic for a, like, for, because you're being left for someone inferior almost?

Well, I mean, he is a psychologist.

There's at least one blind Telescope

who's like, wow.

What is she getting from a blind man that I can't?

But she said, the blind man is a psychologist.

Yeah.

Actually, we have a blind psychiatrist that works in our system who's considered the top psychiatrist in our area.

But wouldn't even you would it have to be like if your honey left you from that psychiatrist, you'd be like, he's blind.

No, but this is the ex I gave the knife to.

So this happened while we were going.

I had the.

I think there are other things that we can point to besides

I would just be point to that and I'd be like

a blind man because like he really would have a hard time

I don't know justifying that like you can't do so many existence

like you can't do as many things as like a man who could see can do but I will say he's also a skydiver so

I mean he's done stuff that I'll never do so you're not you don't feel that way you're saying or you're denying that.

Are you suppressing

your feelings of

the blind guy?

You feel like

you shouldn't have lost your love to a blind guy.

We had issues before.

I feel that his knowledge of psychiatry helped him weasel his way in between us.

Oh, he like he

pulled some spindali type shit out of it.

Yeah, and you know, exploited the weaknesses I have.

That's common in that field, right?

Well, it would probably have nothing to do with the fact that you were sleeping with a knife next to your bed

at the head.

I mean, maybe she just felt safer because the blind person would have a harder time stabbing her.

Well, no, she had a knife at the head of her side as well, so it's not like

that.

She didn't request a knife.

She says, What's this knife doing here?

Oh, it's for you, baby.

Now, unless I'm mistaken, if I reach back, didn't an ex of yours leave you for a dude with cancer?

Oh, yeah.

A dude with a shelf life.

Right?

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, that was

where

you were,

there was pretty much an end of the road.

So I think, what did you say to me?

Well, I guess she really saw no future with you.

No future with a dude who's definitely going to die.

Was the guy who ended up dying?

No, he actually survived, and that was the hardest part for me.

Are they still together?

No,

she ended up leaving.

You think the fact that she survived maybe turned her off, maybe she was some sort of like nightingale

complex.

Yeah, fetishist.

Yeah, I think it was a harder relationship than she thought it was going to be, living with somebody with cancer.

And so they actually broke up, I think, when he was still sick.

Okay,

she didn't count upon all the trauma

a relationship would have when dealing with somebody who's really sick.

I wonder if the breakup caused him to survive.

Like, you know, all that rage of the breakup.

Can rage

fuel.

I mean, it's at least a positive thinking.

I should feel like that.

Yeah, it's not something we typically associate with health.

Associate more with holes in your wall.

I try to help him.

I don't know if you listen up, but I try.

And at times I get frustrated with him and I lose my temper.

He's done a very good job

raising him up.

I do care about him, and I do want him to do well.

But I know that at times I yell at him, and I don't want to, though,

and I try not to.

Yeah.

And I've noticed that as, you know, from listening from when he first started working here to now, it actually seems like, well,

you control your feelings much better in regards to when he messes up.

Is that you think that's true?

I would like to think that I've been messing up less, but yeah, that's true too.

He has been messing up less.

Okay.

So

I think we're in a good place right now, right?

I think so.

Harmonious.

What do you think, Chuck?

I mean,

it appears that

the relationship

improving.

And Mike included, because I think it's a I don't know.

Yeah, I can't, I don't, I don't count Mike in the

because Mike doesn't need, I don't think, as much

like somebody over him as much as like I think, like, I just think if you, if you, if I don't say something, you're just, you're just prone to just be like, let me see what's on Reddit.

You know, and I don't think, you know, that's just the way you are.

I was actually thinking the other day about online addiction because I think I heard a commercial about it.

You think you have it?

I'm just trying to figure out if you.

You can deal with that, where you're at.

So this is

one of the

new fields or the new areas of addiction in psychiatry and mental health.

That's what I heard.

Californication was on, and I thought about David DeCovny, and then he had the sex addiction, which he blamed on being online.

So, there is almost like an obsessive-compulsive type or an addiction.

It could also be in the same way that gambling addiction works.

So, that it's this totally new thing that we're not sure about.

But psychiatry is trying to get more into what is going on in your brain.

And is it actually different, whether you have a gambling addiction, online addiction, sex addiction, saving packaging?

Well, I was trying to figure out,

I'm like, if my post, if my comic gets an upvote, does that release some kind of endorphin or dopamine or something that plays

almost like the when you win at gambling.

Like, oh, this post got 17 likes.

So those popular video games, I think like Candy Crush is one, where you're getting these rewards on a timed basis, those are working on the

same

addiction circuitry.

Yeah, it's an older part of your brain.

Obedience to authority.

Where it's giving you a reward.

So it actually causes dopamine to spike in your brain.

Like, even if you consider the game sometimes like a chore, but you still have to play it, is that you had Getamet addicted to candy.

So it's.

No, no,

I play Marvel Puzzle Quest, and you have to play five nodes a day in order to get the

daily reward.

And sometimes it'll be like 11 o'clock at night, and I'm like, I got to get, I'll give up sleep just to get these five nodes out.

Yeah, so that would be a sign of that.

And I sit there and I go, why do I do this at work when I.

What about the drinking, though, the five gallons and add you to get to get to sleep?

Yeah.

Yeah, he's an alcoholic.

Now, what do you is, do you, like, prescribe to AA?

Is that what it's called?

AAA, or is it AA?

Yeah, so addiction psychiatry.

AAA.

So that's going to be the next area I start to study.

But I work with a lot of folks that are addicted to different drugs and alcohol.

And I mean, so a lot of the things he describes as anxiety-based, you know.

You have a lot of anxiety to get him?

I think.

Social anxiety.

It feels like everyone I know has social anxiety.

Yeah, everyone has some level of social anxiety, but if it becomes so disruptive, you can't interact with people you're not intimately familiar with.

I hate that.

I hate that.

Yeah, that's, I

hate that.

I see it.

When people come in and talk to him, they want to see him because they listen to him, Steve Dave.

He puts his eyes to the ground.

He doesn't look at them.

But yet, other people who come in, like, he doesn't act that way.

But if they come in to see him specifically to be like, oh, I like you on the tell them Steve Dave, he has a hard time meeting their eyes and talking about it.

He kind of

comes across as very cool, like not cool that way, but like he's a cold.

He's very cold and doesn't want to engage them.

Yeah.

And I think actually the first time I met him, I was like, oh, he doesn't really want to talk to me.

But then later, you know, he kind of warmed up a little bit.

But maybe if he was drunk when he first met me, he was like trying to go to sleep.

When I would go up to meetups, like for some of the websites we were on, and it would be like at a bar, I would not step in until someone I knew from the website was there so that I could talk to them.

I guess is.

I've seen it in action.

It was really weird when

was

Yeah.

She came to this girl that he went on a date with once, and she came for a visit.

And she told me she gave you a heads up that she was coming.

Yeah.

Give it to the store.

And she get him sitting back there behind the counter.

And she's like, Hi, get him.

And like that, he will not.

He wouldn't even adjust.

He would not look up my dresser.

I think that's completely.

Why?

Why?

I don't think it's different.

You could have just been like, hey,

even if you're like, okay, that didn't go anywhere, you could still be like, hey, how you doing?

You were very acting so like mental.

It was bizarre.

It was a very strange behavior.

I mean, I'm not saying it to like you get a laugh.

It was just strange behavior.

It's

very off-putting.

It's complicated because it seems to me like she thinks we still have this relationship.

Trust me, she does not think that.

I don't know.

I don't think that.

Oh, okay.

I don't think so.

I mean, I could be wrong, and you may be right, but I don't know.

I concur.

You guys came up with your own test.

That's right.

I'm really curious, Eric, to see what you think of this.

And I don't mean it in a way to diminish what

all the things you guys do.

But sometimes I wonder if we put too much

emphasis on what

doctors think.

So

that age-old.

I mean, what's the word?

Doctors?

I mean, not every doctor is right.

No.

I think

the doctors that take better history, that ask good questions, they're the ones that you should work with because you can trick doctors.

So you're saying the questions are important?

Questions are extremely important.

That's really important.

And I have some experience in judging questions.

Do you have your own personal set of questions that you'll ask?

So we practice

asking questions in front of rooms of other doctors to mock patients, and then we refine how we ask.

I'm going to be a doctor.

We have

a patient.

No, no, no.

Yeah, we don't mock them.

No, yeah.

So a patient will do what we call a mock interview, where it's a practice interview where

they're being assessed, but really there's a room full of doctors that are judging you on how well you're asking the questions and how well you're determining the diagnosis.

All right.

So

how many questions do you usually have to ask

before you sum it all up?

up?

Usually, if I do a good interview, a good psychiatric interview will take between

30 minutes minimum to 60 minutes.

So the average length of a podcast.

Me and Genem came up with eight questions.

Now, the answers may take, you know, that depends on the

patient, how long it takes them to answer them.

But

if we were to give you the Walt Flannon son

psychological profile quiz, would you take it now and give us your feedback on it?

Sure.

And this is what we've been waiting for, right?

A real psychiatrist to come in and evaluate who seems to be pretty credible.

And he's cool, too.

He's not

snooty like a lot of doctors.

He's not mocking us.

A lot of the doctors we've approached with this.

No, but you know.

Doctors, to me, I don't know, maybe it's me, but they come across as

like

they're like almost like they're aliens.

Like they're like, I got the keys to the, and you're, and you're a, and you're a buffoon, and, you know, they like they kind of feel like they're superior every way.

They act superior, they talk superior.

Well, what is a doctor except someone who wants to be as close to God as possible without being God, right?

God complex, right?

So that's what we call the paternalistic model, which is now not taught anymore.

Oh,

let's get right into it.

Because I've never, I'm going to tell you right now, me and Ginam, we've never gone to school.

We've never, we've never looked at the school.

Does that shock you?

We didn't do anything.

The only time he was at school was to propose to his wife.

That's right.

After high school, and I barely even did the last grade, the 12th grade, I barely even did it.

But after I graduated,

didn't do anything.

But still, I believe that just between me and him on a slow day at the Stash, we came up with a quiz or eight questions that could help.

And I don't know if doctors would even think about it.

I think it's a time modern psychiatry.

Yeah.

So I change everything you do.

DSM Infinity.

Yeah.

So now I teach resonance, too.

So I evaluate other people in training.

So do you...

Are you a proponent of having doctors come up with their own questions or do you think that they should be set standard questions?

So there are some standard ways to ask questions

responses that you're trying to get.

Yeah, and

you have to expedite things.

You can't

take a very long time because you have lots of patience.

So if there's an eight-question system, I mean, that's very valuable.

This is like

this is Henry Ford taking on psychiatry.

After the quiz, and if you're interested, no, I'm all serious.

And if you want to write a paper on it, would you include us?

Or you could

be my name.

Could we be Seth?

No, no, no.

Could we be et al.

We may be able to maybe go to the APA and present a poster or a symposium.

Is there some journals we can get in?

If you quickly are discredited,

well, you don't know if you guys have heard the questions yet.

I think he's going to be shocked that we didn't do any kind of like

look into anything.

We just came up with them on our own.

And I think you'll see that there's like, you'll be like, holy crap, I went to school for nothing.

Yeah.

Okay.

It's freeing not having to adhere to a century of.

All right.

Question number one.

Now, they're not in any set order, so I could just jump around, but I'll just go in the same order I went with when I gave the Q and Brian.

So you want me to answer these questions like I'm a patient?

You can answer them as a patient and then give me your analysis of the question.

Like, do you feel it would be a worthy question to ask

a patient

in a clinical setting?

Okay, that sounds good.

Well, what's his condition?

He's coming in, or is this just a very general?

Well, I mean, ours is just

general.

We didn't want to go too deep because

I don't feel we're ready yet.

We were afraid they might come after us.

Big psychology.

Big psychology.

I see what they did almost into that Dr.

Ho.

So I think that's a good idea.

That's why there are knives hidden hidden everywhere in the stash.

I don't need people coming after us.

Tape under the

shotgun on a swivel under the poker table.

Fake psychology wants to shut like it's like, you know, like

we're impinging on them.

I mean,

the van door opens, you guys get pulled in.

Give us those questions.

All right, question number one.

When I say the initials, MJ, who or what is the first thing you think of?

Michael Jackson.

Uh-oh.

I remember that not being too good.

Yeah,

he's obsessed with fame.

Yeah.

And wants to be a performer.

Wants to be his big brother.

Family issues.

That's definitely family issues.

That's what we would call a close-ended question.

Did you have any

animals that you were friendly with as a patient to speak at all?

What do you mean?

got to come up with they got to come up with something that matches the initial m and the initial j

and that's the end of the response right but if they say if they say mary jane you know they're they're they're druggies they're druggy if they say if they say michael jordan you know that they're kind of masculine if they say michael jackson well we don't know

maybe they like bookie still

and if they say mj streets a restaurant

What if they say the name of a local pizzerito?

Wasn't Michael Jackson referred to as MJ, where Michael Jordan wasn't?

I could be wrong about that.

I don't know.

I think you are.

Or MJ.

Or, I guess.

Yeah, I think I am wrong about that.

I'm thinking.

Well, I mean, everybody, but every

generation has their own MJ.

I suppose.

You know, there's actors, you know, that could fit the.

It could be anything.

It could be, let's say it's their family.

Let's say it's their mother who had those initials.

Then, you know, they're like

a mama's boy, or they're into, or they love their family.

Okay.

It really is like

if they only think of somebody famous,

it should be a telltale sign of what they're built like.

Maybe it's because this question is out of the context of the eight

that I should reserve judgment on this question until I hear some more.

I I mean, if they say Mick Jagger.

Oh, my God, right?

Mick Jagger?

I mean, there's so many MJs.

I mean, it doesn't really

work cross-selling, though, either.

Yeah, you know what, to be fair?

Me and Giddam, we're white, so we may not have, we may be just done a basically

a middle-class suburban white guys test right here.

That's who it's good for.

That's who it's good for.

Well, aren't they the ones with the most problems up here?

So,

not necessarily.

I mean,

psychiatric.

We got disorders go across cultures.

I mean,

we tend to cry the most, though, about them.

Do we?

But, you know, like, not crying, but like, you know, like every little thing, like you said, the latte, the Ferrari.

Do you ever want to say to someone like, sack up, you fucking bitch?

Just stop.

Like, just stop.

Well, I mean, there is the phrase, white people, problems.

I mean, sometimes we have to cut people off a little bit and be like, well, that's not really why we're here.

I can't really help you with that.

I'm not digressing into

this is what I can do for you, you know.

And

you try to be nice about it,

but

some people are just kind of looking for empathy more than they're.

All right, to speak in empathy.

Now, question two.

When you see a quote-unquote small person,

okay.

He's not going to tell you who he's quoting, by the way.

Is that the end of the question?

Are you more inclined to A, have parental thoughts, B, thoughts of dominance and superiority?

What do you think about taking them by the horse?

Come here, you.

Well, you know, like you either have parental thoughts or you have thoughts of dominance and superiority, A or B.

Or if you're in, you're both.

Yeah.

So you have to choose one.

Yes.

And

either one leads to

some sort of judgment.

Well, it's a test.

There's nothing to do with that.

I suppose since I agreed to take the tests, I would say A.

Parental.

Yeah.

Well, that's good.

That's good.

I would expect a doctor to feel that way, right?

Yeah.

I mean, you would hope that you would be caring.

The most sickest of us out there would see that little person and try to help lift them up.

Scoop them up physically, pull them up.

Eat a little lemon in his arms.

Lemmy girl.

Let me girl.

I have a commercial film.

I'm putting you in the shower, boy.

Just wrap me in a blanket.

You're getting swaddled.

These are

very

good questions.

I've never heard them asked during an interview.

All right.

Let's go to question three.

You're at a table with a scrumptious, warm, delicious-looking pie, and you cut yourself a slice.

What is your slice filled with?

Strawberries.

Still thinking back to his childhood with strawberry shortcake and such.

I can attest to that.

It was his favorite cartoon.

His whole room

decked out with strawberry shorts.

Well, doesn't it show a lack of imagination, though, if you say something that a pie is usually filled with?

What would be an unacceptable answer?

Unacceptable?

What?

Anything you say.

Well, what would be an, like, to me, I would think like Q said money, which I thought was like brilliant.

It really was an insight into his soul.

It doesn't sound that delicious, though.

Didn't the question, what's the question stem again?

Can you hear me?

Well, is delicious everything that has it it for your taste buds, or could be delicious be

fat wallet?

Yeah,

with the money from that pie, you could buy something even better.

You could buy something better than a pie.

Yeah, I mean,

let's say you're a little bit on the edge, or a lot on the edge, and you're like, you know, my pie's filled with knives, so I could stab somebody if I'm in the shower.

I could bring my pie in the shower with me.

Or cans of beer.

Or, yeah, or whatever.

It could be, to me,

that shows like a lack of originality in thinking.

You're not like a

lateral thinker if you're just going to think exactly like, oh, like the common question would be apple.

So every Joe Schmo is going to say apple.

Super pedestrian.

Yeah.

I mean, usually we want folks to think in a linear logical pattern.

And see, that's the problem.

That's what we've been doing for how many hundreds of years?

And if they go outside of that pattern,

usually it causes problems.

They're more upset than ever.

Hold on a second.

I could be wrong.

Is there such a thing as strawberry pie?

Like strawberry rubber pie pie.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, I was going to say, because I'd never heard of it, so I was going to say, if maybe you were thinking outside the box more than a week, there's such thing as strawberry pie.

Almost like a strawberry.

Well, like a strawberry pretzel pie, almost.

So do you have a scale of what's imaginative and

what is like apple is the least?

Apple is

at the very, very bottom, only below strawberry.

We were flip-flopping for a while.

We decided on an order.

But you could have like a schizo be like razor blades.

You could have a like you could have just like a total like serial killer be like you know women's lips.

Yeah.

Upstairs or downstairs.

We don't know.

I think maybe somebody in

a paranoid person would say it's filled with microphones.

Yeah, distress would probably not be able to complete this interview.

Let's move on then.

Of these three cars, which

one most

appropriately describes your life at this point?

So you got the question?

A, a car with no windows.

B, a car with no radio.

C, a car with no seats.

This is a good one.

So B,

because my car actually does not have a radio that works very well.

This must linear concept to me.

It is.

Are you an exciting person outside the clinic?

Would you consider yourself?

Are you humdrum?

Well, I have a pretty normal life.

Like, you know, I take my steps on the soccer practice, go out to eat with the family.

I'm sure you can appreciate it.

Eat a slice of women's lip pie at the lunch.

So it does sound like a very mundane existence.

Yeah, I try to keep my life, since moving out of New Jersey, as normal as possible.

We went to

L.A.

con, right?

No, I was in L.A.

for some reason.

Went out to see Eric and his wife.

It's like, what, like 50 miles outside of L.A.

It's this little town that's

like if Mayberry is not a 50s Mayberry, but it's a Mayberry for today.

Little like Main Street.

That's where you live.

Very suburban.

And that's what he was talking about, wanting to be normal, wanting to be normal.

And

like almost gaslighting his wife into believing that she wants to live there because it is so normal.

Like, he didn't want to hear it.

He didn't want to hear anything stepping outside.

Yeah, I mean, Mayberry, I mean, I think everybody should aspire to Mayberry.

Yeah.

Most don't.

Why do you.

I think in Charlottesville, they're trying to aspire to it right now.

All white fucking large.

Hey,

hey, Ann!

Let's roll over that black lady.

Well, Barn.

Yeah, so our police came to where we live to do an educational

kind of seminar teaching us how to be more safe in the neighborhood.

And they told us that if we saw someone stealing our recycling, we should call 911.

And that's when I knew

we lived in the right neighborhood.

That's a big problem.

They take the tide bottles out of the recycling, they fill it up with cheap laundry detergent and return it to Walmart for full price.

That's not his problem.

That's Walmart's problem.

That's Walmart's problem.

Yeah, is it more so because the town wants the money for the recycling?

It's more of they want to discourage anyone

with any sort of suspicious type activity from coming around.

So they say you come and get the recycling, but then you see that there's something on your lawn that might be worth valuable, and they'll come back for that.

I think, from what I heard, it's the people who do that, they do it for drug money, and so you're getting druggies digging through your trash, which is what I guess a lot of police departments don't want.

Have you ever called 911 on a raccoon that was in your trash can?

No, I have not.

What about the questions here, though, at the car?

Like, you don't see the metaphor for a car with no windows, you don't see a metaphor for a car with no radio.

So, maybe the car with no windows, you're suicidal?

No, you have no control where you're going.

Okay.

You're just

alone for the ride.

You're just stumbling along, yeah.

You're just alone for the ride.

You don't get to choose your path.

Okay.

You may get to a destination, but you didn't pick the destination.

Yeah, it's not the one you want it, because how do you know you're getting there?

And the destination may be totally not where you want to be, but you know what?

You got no windows in your car, so you can't tell.

You just get in the car and drive.

Yeah, you're fucked.

Car with no radio is...

You don't deserve comfort.

You don't deserve

your client punishing yourself a lot.

And you're located.

I think it would be a car with no seats.

You're wrong.

And so let's talk about the question.

So the last option, what does that mean?

A car with no seats.

Means you're all by yourself.

Yeah, it means you're all alone.

You have nothing in your life.

So

every single answer choice means that there's something wrong with you.

So no matter what you choose.

I mean, we all have something wrong with us, right?

Yeah,

don't get all high and light and pretend there ain't shit wrong with you.

I know how you grew up.

There's shit wrong with you.

You may cover it up, but this gets to the root.

Just hide it better.

So, yeah, so this question set implies everyone has some sort of disorder.

I would think so.

I mean, not a disorder.

That may be too strong a word, but somebody's dealing with something.

I mean, nobody's not dealing with something at some point.

That's why the question says, at this point in your life.

Very important.

I don't know if you picked up on that.

That's why he put that in there.

That's why he asked you, did you understand the question?

Yes.

So you could also think of this more of a judgment question.

I mean, maybe not having a radio in a car is not really that bad because you can still drive it.

But your life is devoid of any.

You have no music in your life.

It's not a real radio, bro.

You don't have any music in your life.

It's an allegory.

You don't have any joy.

I suppose.

Joyless.

Yeah, there's no music in your life.

You don't dance.

You're not informed.

You're not getting the news.

You're not getting the weather.

You're too busy protecting your recyclables.

I think I'm going to stand by my choice.

Of what?

The radio?

The radio.

Or a strawberry.

All right.

Question five.

Only got three more to go.

I know you're sweating over there.

And not because it's 80 degrees over here.

Complete the lyrics to the chorus of this song.

We are the world.

We are the children.

We are the ones who blank.

I'm not looking for you to complete the exact course.

Here's where you get a little imaginative.

And

you do your own little.

You riff.

Okay.

Yeah, that's the word we're looking for.

We are the world.

Yes.

We are the children.

We are the ones who

decide the future.

Try to work Jerry Sandos career.

We are the ones who decide the future.

I can tell that.

That's illegitimate.

He definitely thinks that, though.

Yeah.

That's why he's trying to help people out.

The children are the future.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

This crop of pussies we're all raising, you've got to look at these kids today and be like, holy shit.

But they're still going to decide the future,

regardless of what happens.

They're going to decide the future at some point.

I know, you're hard on the millennials.

I kind of have a soft spot

a little bit.

Not so much anymore.

I've met tons of cool people.

It's the millennials on social media that whine about everything.

But I've met plenty that are totally normal.

You should live in San Francisco for 10 years and then

nothing.

I just, holy shit, I'm glad you brought that up.

You can talk about this.

I'll tell you about San Francisco in a second.

Okay.

So now, if I had not told you to riff, or get them, actually, 148 didn't tell you to riff, would you have just completed the exact lyrics for the song?

Or would you have put your own lyrics in?

I would have probably tried to remember the lyrics, which I'm not really that good at remembering.

It's a pretty big song, though.

It was a very big song.

Yeah,

I'm not really good at remembering things that don't have a purpose for myself.

Well, this song.

Did you buy this song?

This song had a purpose.

It was help saving starving kids.

Yeah, but I wasn't starving.

But they were.

So at that point in your life,

you weren't looking to help mankind.

No, man.

So I mean, if...

He was just trying to save himself.

I have a good memory for

things that are in my day-to-day life and useful to me.

All right.

So, you're going to be remembering these questions, is what you're saying.

You have a very good memory, too.

It's getting worse.

Well, everybody's memory gets worse, but I actually was listening years ago, and I thought you could have been a doctor, because that's part of

it's just being able to remember.

Did you miss this?

You just

Eric just said,

I could have been a doctor.

You could have been a doctor.

Yeah, because his memory is just,

I mean, yeah, sometimes you'll say something.

I'm like, how could you possibly remember that?

But you have to have that kind of detailed memory to remember all these disorders, these

medications.

You don't have to do that necessarily.

Who are the nurses for?

You don't think I could be a brain surgeon?

No, you think I'm a neurosurgeon.

Yeah.

There's all different ways to practice medicine.

I couldn't get it.

It's too blood, like the blood and the gore and everything.

I couldn't do that.

Yeah.

But you do like to sit in judgment, so maybe like psychiatrists or psychologists.

Now you say, he says judgment.

I say I'm just trying to help.

Well, you have a good barometer for normal because you try to have a very normal life.

I try to hammer normal into

anywhere I'm at.

I try to hammer it in, even if it won't fit.

The hammer of bland.

He hammers that square peg into that round hole.

Helping guide other folks back

to the bell curve.

This next question?

I love this question.

Okay.

This may be one of the finest questions on the quiz.

Do you want to look at this real fast?

This is a map of San Francisco, okay?

So this is 2014.

These are, I guess, two sections, and that's 2017.

Now, what these areas indicate are reports of fecal matter found in the streets.

In three years, it's nearly tripled.

This Sanctuary City piece of shit, San Francisco.

What kind of fecal matter?

So, the first thing I want to ask you is: are you blaming illegal immigrants for the fecal matter?

Not at all.

Not building enough portable johns, right?

Not keeping up.

Is this human fecal matter?

Yes.

Yes.

Okay.

So, I mean, San Francisco,

they just went even more left because they just elected a new mayor that's going to lead the city in an even more liberal direction.

I mean, they

sometimes put the rights of everyday citizens that live in their city below

the tax-paying citizens below the rights of

the homeless and the criminals.

Not that all homeless are criminals.

But the rights of the many outweigh the needs of the few.

Yeah.

Or drug dealers.

I mean, the city is.

It will fall apart, right?

It can't exist

with that mindset.

This is my comment on San Francisco: there is no city that has as much wealth and know-how connected to it at any point in, I think, world history, probably.

And they still cannot solve these social problems.

So I don't know why they think they should be telling everyone else how to solve these problems.

Sanctimonious.

Here's how you do it.

Are you welcome back when when you get back?

There's a lot of people that

would

very disagree.

Well, Southern California is a little bit more conservative than San Francisco.

Is there any way to break down the listenership by state?

I don't know.

I don't think we have a lot of San Francisco listeners, though.

Maybe a few.

And if they are, they're not the ones crapping in the streets.

Why do you want to live in a place like that?

Where you say, like, the people who are criminals or are drug addicts, who aren't homeless, but it's like everything is geared towards these guys.

And the Sanctuary City thing, the only reason I bring that up is because San Francisco, there was a girl who was shot to death by a guy who San Francisco was protecting and who had been deported five fucking times.

Yes.

You know?

Like,

I don't understand.

I don't understand.

Wasn't that the case where someone got less time, they shot a seal or something, they got more time than killing the girl or something like that?

Maybe.

Probably.

Or sea lion.

Oh, yeah, down at the docks.

Speaking of docks,

I've got some dogmarts.

Question six: If you could recreate or reimagine the fishing pole, what thing would your pole catch?

I think that was actually QC.

I like that question.

I think the pie was Apple, and you derided him for that.

That's a good question.

So, what would I catch with a fishing pole if I could redesign it?

Happiness?

You fucked up.

But

you can't define happiness, though.

Well, I mean, you said I could catch anything I want.

But how did someone catch happiness, though?

It has to be happiness.

So it has to be a concrete object.

Yeah.

All right.

So

money.

If you had said.

I don't believe that.

I don't believe

you want to catch money.

If that was true, you'd be in...

You'd be in your own practice, right?

If money that

doesn't sound like it, right?

If it took none of my time to catch money, then maybe that would be worth it.

Where if I go to work every day, it takes a lot of time.

It's my life, right?

The correct answer is AIDS.

I mean, fishing takes time.

The pole helps you, but it still takes time.

Yeah.

It's not a cure of money.

So what does that mean?

Well, I mean, I think

you're just as shallow as, you're more, like, just as shallow, if not more, than your common man, if you want to catch money, though.

So at this point, are you going to put all of my answers together?

That's the last question, right?

No, no, there's two more.

Oh, there's two more.

But you know what I think is

the greatest answer to

that question?

Even by his daughter after being prodded?

My daughter said it, and I was blown away, and it made me go

put me in my place, made me sit there for a second, and

you're smarter than a doctor.

I didn't know it at the time, but

it probably is.

Fish.

Boom.

Wow.

That is

that is.

I think that's like saying apple for apple pie.

No, it's like saying that you're not you cannot improve on possibly the greatest invention man has ever come up with.

But why would that be considered the greatest invention?

How would we people eat if they didn't have the fishing pole?

I mean, think about how

to use civilizations that are built upon fishing since the beginning of time.

They use nets to fish mostly or a spear.

That's

fishing poles back then?

Yeah.

Well, they did.

They have like those little bone hooks and shit, like the Indians would carve a little bit.

How many meals have you made for yourself by

familiar or normal people?

I mean, to me, it's like, it's also saying that, like, hey, you know what?

I'm not good enough to improve upon something that basically is a perfect piece of equipment.

We've already covered it, though.

It's poignant, right?

We've covered it, though, man.

He's a doctor.

He's like, I'm next to God.

Like, I'm at God's right hand fucking curing people and shit.

I can improve upon God.

Yeah.

Like, if God fucking blinks, boom, I'm right there.

Wait for that misstep.

I think structurally, this is the same question as the apple pie question.

No, no, it's not.

You just dumb it down on your shell and it's

not.

Think about the enjoyment a person gets when they catch a fish.

Whenever you see a picture of a person holding up that fish, they're never sad.

They're never sad.

People talk about fish tails, right?

Like, it's the one that got away, or they talk about the one that they caught and they put it on the wall.

How important is the fish to human civilization?

No, it's everything.

I mean, it's a pretty big religious symbol as well, I guess.

And we wouldn't have one of the greatest 70 sitcoms of all time.

Yeah.

I guess I'll have to stand correct here.

Yeah.

I like that you will, though, you will admit that, though.

He's humble.

Very humble here.

All right, last two.

Are you the type of person who would rather spay things or neuter them?

Spay, I suppose.

They know what to say.

I know there's no right answer.

You saw we were going left, you went right.

Well, how so?

I think

it's probably just because it was the first choice in the set, and I was kind of caught off guard by the question entirely.

So what it is.

Maybe it is a very excellent question.

We got a doctor on the run.

Yeah, I'm definitely against the wall here.

But like, I would imagine, though, there's a lot to be said about somebody who wants to spay something or who wants to neuter people.

Why are you such a misogynist?

Last question.

Okay.

Would you rather have all the flowers in the world be white or have all the food in the world taste like chocolate?

I would like to have the food taste like chocolate.

What are you thinking?

148?

Sense now.

He wants to help people, but now he's not wanting to help people.

How so?

I didn't see that.

Because he wants everything to taste like chocolate.

Again, we said, what if people don't like chocolate?

He's imposing his will upon them.

What's so wrong with flowers being all white?

I felt like if I said that, I was going to be called a racist.

Trust me.

That's the way that question was designed.

Well, some of us believe that white is all colors put together.

Some of us.

We didn't think we'd be quizzing a doctor on this.

We thought, you know, we'd be.

He's supposed to be quizzing a racist.

So, what do you think?

Those eight questions, do you think you can work with any of them?

Do any of them have any

potential to be helpful to you in your field?

I mean, maybe

there are some that can help you determine a person's ability or level of abstraction, but I think the answer you consider correct is actually the wrong answer.

How so?

Which one?

Give me an example.

Which one?

So you can ask questions like.

So a common question we ask is, how are,

get them, how are a table and a chair alike?

You can both sit on them.

You can sit on a table?

Sure.

Okay, so that would be considered like a low level of action.

You know, the answer is typically they both have four legs.

So yeah, so we would consider like maybe a child would answer that you could sit on a table

What do you mean?

You're telling me that you've never had anybody say that you can sit on both of them?

You can sit on a table or you can sit on a

child actually.

Yeah,

actually,

child.

But yeah, so maybe I'll give you another one.

How are an orange and an apple alike?

They're both round.

Okay.

So that's also

kind of a low-level answer.

So a higher

level

fruit, right?

Well, I know they're quite great.

Those are both fruit.

So we're trying to figure out a person's

ability to kind of abstract the world around them.

Give me another one.

So concrete, you're very concrete, right?

They're both round

doctor.

Not handy at all.

You helped install a toilet.

You treat thinking.

You helped install a toilet.

Oh, that was a long time ago.

That was a long time ago.

That was a fancy toilet.

I broke the seal, too.

Do you want a standard judgment question?

Sure.

Oh, this may be.

Okay, so

you're in a movie theater

and

you see smoke coming from under the door.

What would you do?

Can I ask a question about that?

What door are we talking about?

The exit door or the door to get out out of the or the door to get into the theater?

You're in the movie theater, you just observe smoke coming from a door in

any door in the movie theater.

I need a pen.

Most people

that are children do not get this question correct.

So,

most children don't get this question correct.

Most adults

typically

do.

Okay,

I'm done.

All right.

I wrote,

quietly leave and check the news later on.

Okay, so

obviously that's not the correct answer.

What in 48, what did you put?

Touch knob or door.

Gross.

Oh, you're going to mad.

It's not the bathroom that's on fire.

Also, not the correct answer.

Maybe I got it then.

Okay.

Get myself and my family out and alert the management.

So, yeah, your answer contains the correct answer, which is alert the management.

I wrote that down, too.

That's not bullshit.

Yeah.

I can see the proof.

You have to know that I'm right.

So you've been calling me a child for the last two weeks.

I want to make sure he knows that.

He's condescending, man.

Yeah.

Just want to treat your patience.

When I hear MJ, I think Michael Jordan.

No, Michael Jackson, bro.

I don't know if you want your wife to hear that.

I think about Michael Jackson one day.

What's another one, man?

Another judgment question?

Yeah.

Okay.

So you find

a stamped addressed letter

on the ground.

What do you do?

Put it in the mailbox.

Why?

I'm sorry.

1966.

This is a trick question.

Repeat it.

You find a sealed, addressed, and stamped letter on the ground.

What do you do?

Okay, I'm done.

You're still writing?

A little bit.

Okay, I'm done.

Go ahead, Bryce.

You've probably got a joke question.

My answer was

open the letter, then go to the address and impersonate whomever the letter was from.

Wait, the address would be on the envelope.

Why would you need to open it?

Because I want to to look at the letter to see who it's from.

That would also be on the envelope.

No, no,

no.

But I don't know the content of the letter.

Oh, okay.

Okay, you want to know?

Okay.

Yeah, I need some information.

If I'm going to impersonate someone, get them.

I have to know the fucking information.

Okay, 148.

I said, drop it in a mailbox.

What do you mean?

What do you say?

That's the right answer.

But I will say I did once.

He's like, it is.

No, no, no.

That's the right answer, though.

Okay.

So there may be another correct answer.

Check and see if it's my letter.

If it's in front of me on the ground, maybe it's my letter.

You might have said where we were.

That would be the only time I heard that answer.

It could be in your house.

It was dry.

You didn't say we were where we were outside.

It could be my letter.

I'm going to say if it's my letter, and if it's mine, I'll open it.

If it's not,

I'll take

necessary

action.

What would that be?

Well, if it's forget them, I'll throw it out.

Especially if it says do not throw out on it.

No, if it was, I would put it in a mailbox.

I will say the one one time I did find I found someone's paycheck on the side of the road, and I actually was like four blocks away, so I was on my bike.

I rode to their house and dropped it in their box.

You're trying to curry favor with a doctor.

Nobody gives a fuck about your anecdote.

So the correct answer is you don't put it in a mailbox.

But how do you, but what if it's what if it's addressed to you?

You didn't say it wasn't addressed to you.

You're not God.

Let the post office do its job.

Right?

You should have to do that.

Yeah, I mean, I guess you should.

You should be that if that It's not addressed to you.

Yeah.

Your peers would be riding your balls on that one, right?

Oh, man.

You didn't say that question.

You didn't say that in one of the questions.

Can you change the question that DSM says?

And I still passed it.

They gave that to you?

That question.

It's a standard question.

It's usually part of the interview to assess judgment.

You can use that question.

Use the theater question

to assess abstract, concrete thinking.

Use those other two questions I asked about the fruit and the table and share.

The letter one, though,

what other answers have you heard aside from the very obvious put it in the mailbox?

Often, depending on the person, they would say, I'll just leave it there.

And those typically are folks that have been harassed by the police a lot or

they are suspicious or feel like if they touch it, something will happen

to them.

Anthrax's big problem for a couple days ago.

So that's an answer I have.

I got a job because of that.

A kid told me

they would find the address on Google and then go deliver it themselves instead of putting it in the mailbox.

Is that what he almost said?

That's what I did.

Well, I thought you said you put it.

Oh, you put it in their mailbox?

No, I drove up to their house.

I biked to another house and knocked on their door.

I thought you meant like a mailbox on the street.

No, I knocked on their door.

Okay.

Because it was a paycheck.

They look like some guy's trying to take my reception.

So that answer came from a seven-year-old.

So

that was childlike.

Let's get him.

It's not me.

Yeah.

Because, you know, theoretically, it could be anywhere.

So you would think only a child would think they would have the ability to deliver the letter

themselves.

An adult would think that they would just drop it in the mailbox because someone obviously dropped it

accidentally.

It's deep.

You know what?

I think we both learned something from each other's questions.

Yeah.

I think I will be judging the

other resident psychiatrists more harshly during their mock interviews.

Have you thought of this?

What if it was addressed to them?

You should bring that up.

Like next time you do that question.

You could turn that on.

You could turn their whole way of thinking around with just one simple answer.

You'll rock the psychiatry world, man.

You know, the car questions, particularly.

I wonder if we can.

Do you think we could turn dyslexia into some kind of psychological test?

I think it's always been a psychological test from the very beginning.

Yeah.

If you get pissed, which you do.

Well, that's all I got, man.

Wow.

I think what we learned here today is that we're kind of all doctors.

And all, and all, uh,

and all

what's it called?

All have a little bit of cracks, like

no one's a perfect egg.

You all have little cracks here and there, right?

No matter how normal you try to be,

no matter how normal you try to convince yourself things are,

it's just not.

It's not, it'll never be.

All the same.

You'll always be a Johnson.

Tell them to, babe.

Ta-ta.

Toodaloo.

Oh, you don't know.

Soon.

Sixing my skin

tint

Word from Jesus

is demon

leave a message

planned

once in a while.

Count your blessings, son.

You've done okay.

So now moon levels

embrace the day

that even

slains design

waltzing wild

Shadows burn

I moved to

question

why

I'm chilling

so it is

Say you won't

as a wedding tail

Welcome that with you

some

high

But even best

day

plans desire desired wine

Shadows moves

amber

two

Christian

mind

and to tear

So it is

so it is

so it is

This has been a production of Smodco Internet Radio.

Sir, only at Smodcast.com.