#382: The Podcast That Cared Too Much

You rub my nose in it.

Right, like a bad puppy.

Yeah.

Good work, Q.

Yeah, well.

I texted and I said,

hey guys, I've secured a room for privacy.

So what does Q have on you?

You're kissing his balls like this.

You're like, I'm sorry, Mr.

Quinn to upset you with those texts.

My old fish friend over here was on his call.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell Hem Em Steve Dave.

Walt, what time did you get in today?

Today.

Today.

The day of the recording.

I was here at 7.30.

7.30.

We are right.

It's almost...

We're going into hour 12.

Well, 7.30, 7.30, it'd be 12 hours, right?

So now we're going into hour 13.

Well, no, when you hit the wall flat again?

Yeah, is that it?

Even on stage?

Yeah, this is like Jerry Lewis territory.

Now we're getting into a telethon event.

I already took meth to do that telethon.

So kamikaze pilots and Jerry Lewis.

I already took something.

I don't know if it's meth.

That's libelous, right?

He's dead, so who's going to see his assailant?

I just got water.

That's all I need.

Would you like to know Jerry Lewis?

He's better than Jerry Lewis.

He runs on Lakwa.

You mean meth?

Or whatever it was he took?

If anything, I don't know.

That was just a liquid.

That's libelous.

But also, you're helping a group of people who arguably need it more than a bunch of cripples, right?

Who would that be?

The Tom Stew Dave people.

Oh, yeah.

You're here in hour 13.

You got here for the answer.

I've heard some wonderful, wonderful comments

that

just really

make you humble you.

I had a lady come up and tell me.

This should be over by 10.

There was a lady who came up and told me that when her and her boyfriend a they commute to work and let's say they're in a bad mood and they're starting to fight, they say, you know what, it feels like we're going to go out and get into a fight.

Let's pop on, tell them Steve Davy, you know what, by the time it's over, they don't want to they get they don't remember what they were angry about each other for.

Really?

Yeah.

Wish that worked for us.

So it was a particularly bad

one that if you guys were going to address this

nobody gives me gave me an answer.

If you guys are friends again yet, but there was a part of me that I was going to answer you and then I was like,

maybe I just won't answer you.

I didn't know that.

What am I walking into?

I didn't really get into that.

That was a perfect.

I didn't forget it.

I really didn't.

It just popped into my head when I was saying that.

But no, a lady did say that, though.

She said that's their medicine.

Yeah.

That's the medicine they took.

You're like, too strong, too strong.

I wonder if that would work for me.

I'm in an argument with a significant other.

And I'm like, hey, you know how we could.

Forget about this.

Why don't we just pop on some tell them, Steve?

Dave, one of the fucking choice pots.

Yeah, let's do a little make and hay.

This has been a really bad argument.

Yeah, but are you immune to it by this point?

I imagine that's the one that's been most down downloaded mainlined.

Oh, making hay?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, maybe one of the lesser ones.

Like, say, last week.

Which, yes, we'll be on a more regular schedule now.

Q, people don't like that

it was a little bit between episodes.

We were traveling.

Right.

We had a little bit of trouble with it.

We had an episode last week.

You know what I mean?

We did not.

No, it was a week before.

Those are your feelings on it.

Well, you know what?

Like, if that ever happens again, you can give me the files now.

Yeah.

I'm an editor now.

Yeah.

I edit this all-new Sunday Jeff show.

If you're an editing supervisor,

are you?

Podcasting, editing.

You're going up against us?

No, yeah, you guys can get nominated.

You can't get nominated because you never turned a fucking file in.

God damn it.

I don't understand.

Wait, so we haven't had an, but has the Patreon episodes gone out?

Yes.

Yeah, all that's gone out.

All right, so the shit people paid for has gone out, but the free stuff hasn't?

Yeah, and there was an accusation that that's

all we care about now, which couldn't be further from the.

That's not true.

I don't care about that.

The other one either.

Yeah.

I don't care about anything.

I don't know if it either.

Listen to the guy's voice.

No, I'm only kidding.

I do care.

But no, I mean, it's not unheard of that we've missed episodes before.

So, no, it had nothing to do with this.

All right.

So we're back on.

I mean, if there's no episode, there's no episode.

There's nothing you can put up.

But in the case where there is an episode waiting to go, just be like, hey, man, I'm busy.

I'm traveling.

Can you take care of it?

I'll be on it.

Yeah.

I'm going to do that for fear of being told to fuck off again.

That was

a rare

attack by Walt Flanagan.

It turned out.

I don't know if it's that rare.

We both, well, to my favorite.

I was not expecting it.

Well, it was weird.

It just came out of, like, I thought it came out of nowhere, but then when I talked to Walt about it, it was like a mutual misunderstanding because context.

I didn't know.

I was like, what the hell are you doing?

He's like, fuck off.

No, that's not basically what happened.

But the two of them were talking about putting up an episode.

Yeah, I wish you that you weren't in on that.

You shouldn't have to deal with that with your busy schedule and your lifestyle.

Well, you're my friends.

I don't want you to fight.

Of seeing us.

The ugly side of the entertainment.

I've never seen you tell anybody to fuck off and you told Brian to fuck off.

Yeah.

Which, I mean, there are so many times.

And then went dark.

Yeah, it went dark.

There's so many times that I'd be like, oh, it's totally warranted.

Like, of course, you told me to fuck off.

This was one time where I'm like, why is he telling me to fuck off?

I didn't get it.

Well, that's probably.

I'm the understanding of all the last

30 to 40 years.

It's just built up.

Oh, you haven't said it once.

It's kind of true, yeah.

Right?

I mean, and it was so.

Am I not,

don't I have one fuck off in me like every 30 or 40 years?

No, you've got several.

Like, I think you've banked enough now that, like, don't use them all at once, though.

And you'll regret it.

Yeah, but it was over the Patreon.

It was over, yeah, Patreon thing.

So you can't say that.

It was because

it was because we care too much.

We're at each other's throats, we care so much.

If we have a fault, Walt and I.

The pod that cared too much.

A little too much.

Scale it back, boys.

It's caused us to go at each other's throats.

Well, not you, not us, Q.

No, I was trying to like.

I wish you weren't involved.

You were dragged into it, and I felt bad that you had to deal with it.

I was just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, guys, stop fighting.

Guys, take five.

Nobody listened.

Yeah, I really, yeah.

I mean, because I, I mean,

you have to know that, like, just blowing off steam, though.

Oh, I didn't think it was the end of it all.

I just was surprised that it happened.

That's all.

I don't like seeing you guys fight.

No, nobody wants to fight.

Everybody wishes it was

clear and

what's those seas for slow sailing, you know.

But, you know, sometimes

those seas get a little rough.

Okay, hold on just a second.

So, what are you guys going to do?

You're just going to shoot a little b-roll and b-roll, then we're going to out of here in like a minute.

Okay, okay.

Sometimes the seas get a little rough, and what the fuck are you going to do?

So, let's get into new territory.

All right, we're in the bay now, we're in the harbor, right?

But now, moving forward, we're now we've cleared the air, we've cleared the

expectations.

Something you had that?

This is so weird.

This is so bizarre.

Well, we're crammed in a tiny room with seven people.

Malcolm's getting his B-roll.

Chuck is recording for Patreon.

Hey, bud, what's going on?

I know, but this is, I don't know.

I also didn't think we were going to be in this room.

Because I texted it and I said,

hey, guys, I've secured a room for privacy.

I don't think it meant.

Thanks, man.

Malcolm looks the same.

Yeah, I didn't know privacy, man.

Privacy.

Don't tell the guys that came here to record the Patreon stuff.

Maybe if I wasn't here at 7:30, maybe if I was here at 8.30, it would have been cool.

But 7.30, yeah.

Just, I was like.

How many fuck off do you have for Chuck?

Because you may be able to pull it up right now.

So, so yeah, we went to San Diego.

Cute, how'd you like it?

Did a treatment?

What, San Diego?

Yeah,

I liked it.

I didn't get to go to the con at all, but the event we did was its most successful year, so it's nice to see growth.

At the block party where the Padres play?

Yeah, yeah.

Did you round first?

No, we did it last year in the field,

but even though we had so many people last year, because it was a baseball field, it seemed kind of sparse.

So we moved it back to the park

right behind the outfield wall.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, it was better out there.

Nice.

We partied.

We partied.

Partied a little bit.

Briefly.

Yeah.

It was pretty quick.

Well, we went to a couple parties.

Well, we had three parties to go to one night.

The first one, we were there for like 10 minutes.

It's just so loud.

You can't really hear anything.

Well, it's loud, and it's just like everybody looking around to see who's there.

And nobody's there.

I see people looking to you to be like, are you somebody?

It's like, well, who the fuck are you?

Yeah.

Why are you looking over here?

Oh, these were industry parties?

Yeah.

You won't attend anything but an industry party, I imagine, at this point, right?

I don't go to industry parties, really.

Oh, no, you don't want to make the scene?

I don't need to make the scene.

He is the scene.

That's old.

I'm all right not being.

I am the scene.

I'm not the scene.

So what does Q have on you?

You're kissing his balls like this.

You're like, I'm sorry, Mr.

Quinn, to upset you with those texts.

My oh, fish friend over here was on his phone.

Well, I was innocent because I threw him under the bus a few weeks ago.

Remember, he came up with me.

Oh, he making up for it.

I've never respected you more than I do right now.

He called me out for, like, you know, for pointing to bad behavior to justify my behavior.

Right.

Taught me a lesson.

You rubbed my nose in it.

Right, like a bad puppy.

Good work, Q.

Yeah, well, what are you going to do?

I'm just going to do it.

What do you do?

You housebreak?

So, yeah,

so then we went to Justin Royland's party on our little boat.

That's definitely, you know, making the scene.

You went to one of the biggest animators on the face of the planet, and you don't call that making the scene?

No.

Don't you see him as your buddy first?

Yeah, and that's.

Oh, he's a friend first?

Yeah, I would say the problem with the part with that party is I didn't really get to see him at all because he's got so many people there that he's like always getting pulled in directions.

But San Diego,

unless I'm in a position like yours where it's like it's totally worth it to come, I would never, ever, ever go back.

It was way too fucking crowded, way too hot.

It's, I don't know how anybody could spend that much

on something that is,

I don't know how you can enjoy it.

It's too big to enjoy.

You don't love pop culture?

I do love some pop culture, though.

Not that stuff for the most part.

And there's shit I would like to look at, but I don't know.

You think you love pop culture.

Okay, go on.

You don't love pop culture.

Not like these people.

That's not.

Oh, no, no, no, definitely not.

Yeah, you think you love pop culture, but then you see these other people, how committed they are to pop culture, and then you should realize, wow, I don't love pop culture as much as I thought I did.

Right.

I don't have any love to give.

Why am I even here?

I just don't find it that interesting.

You guys did a live show, too, right?

We did a live show, yeah.

Did a live show.

I did a live show with Ming.

How'd that guy?

It went all right.

They fucked up our entrance, but what else is new?

They fucked up our entrance at the other place.

I'm starting to think people don't understand my entrance instructions.

It might be you.

Well, with Ming, I had this whole thing.

The show was Fat Man and Little Boy, and I was like, so it's all dark.

And I had the music from

that atomic bomb, Trinity and Beyond.

So I found a cool little clip where it would be all dark, and then it would crescendo.

And I was like, turn on the lights at this point because it's very triumphant.

And Showman.

Only because.

Only because the place is only two-thirds full, so I wanted to sort of showcase

the pretentiousness of Aren't we awesome?

From the scene, he's the show.

Bad man.

Yeah.

And.

Little boy.

Opera music.

Laser light show.

It's like that fucking Willy Wonka tunnel that they go through with a chain's head gets cut off and shit.

Like nine minutes later, they're like, all right.

So hardly anyone's here.

No, the show with me went all right.

It went decently.

And then we did the Space Monkeys show, which if I could do like, you know how like Kevin does Hollywood Babylon once a week, if I could do Space Monkeys with you once a week, that'd be fun.

That'd be fun.

That'd be so fucking fun, man.

That'd be fun.

We don't have that Kevin Smith.

We don't have that cachet or the time.

You don't have the time.

You're too busy to read texts about

arguments.

You definitely don't have the time to do an hour show a week.

Yeah.

A couple weeks.

Are you getting less and less interested in doing anything live?

It's like today, like we did the QA at Mulrat's, and it was, I don't know, half hour maybe?

Well, literally, like, as we're talking, I might even be mid-answer.

He's like, how much longer do we have?

Yeah, I don't find any enjoyment in it.

It just is pure stress and pure like anxiety.

Yeah.

Jesus.

I'm afraid I'm going to say something that's going to like end it all.

Sort of like a Tourette's kind of deal.

Oh, you have like a Tourette's moment?

Yeah, like I have, I couldn't even blame it on Tourette's because I've never been diagnosed with it.

Well, you diagnose yourself with autism.

Just go for soup and smelling.

Who's going to argue that autism

evaluation?

The medical community, maybe?

I don't know.

I mean, I think if they're not.

You might be on

the spectrum.

But I don't know.

That's the thing about the spectrum.

Where does it run?

It goes from here to here.

So, who isn't on the spectrum then?

Who are at either side?

I think, well, is the humanity on the spectrum?

Is that what it is?

Well, I think, no,

dogs can have autism.

So it's not just humanity.

Autistic dogs.

Canines too, yeah.

I think I have

possibly delights.

Cooper might be autistic, too.

Cooper is also, he's got sympathetic autism.

Yeah, I don't know.

I wonder if it's that.

I wonder why you, like, like certain things, like, you're a curious character.

I don't think this is like news to you.

Because you're talking to him all rats rats how you won't fly.

Right.

And you don't like live stuff.

And I just, like, wonder, like, what, I always wonder about people.

What is it that

turned them into what they...

Yeah, but why?

Like, what happened?

What was that exciting incident?

Because I don't like people's, like, staring at me.

And I have to say something that they deem interesting.

Oh, so you're like, I'm not proving myself, do you?

No, well, no, no, it's just like I feel intimidated by that.

I can't stand it.

Yeah.

That's why I like when I write text.

I've secured us a room for privacy.

Privacy.

Good idea.

I remember.

Maybe I'm on the spectrum.

Yeah, you might be.

As much as I

can.

Well, if you notice, it wasn't.

Maybe at the McDonald's fucking triad spectrum.

Yeah.

That definitely is on maybe our spectrum, is what you're saying.

Well,

I did not tell anyone about the secret location, but when I saw saw Malcolm, your boy Gidham was right behind him, so I'm assuming that he

let him in on the.

I bet you he Malcolm pulled a do you know who I am?

Kevin said you better tell me.

And that's all that, you know, and props to 148.

Somebody said the owner of the store he works at was like Seth Kevin said.

I expect Gidham to jump.

Jump.

And do whatever.

Politism or not, he better fucking jump.

I don't care how retarded you are, boy.

Our jobs are on the line.

Just keep jumping.

If you know he's in town, you just jump.

So, yeah, I don't place any blame on 148.

Is he loving today?

The attention.

I don't think he likes attention at all.

What are you talking about?

I don't think he likes attention.

The theory about him forever was that he just needs attention.

But then, when I see people come up to him and be like, hey, dude,

I like you on tom, Steve Dave.

He won't look at them.

And that's autism.

Yeah, and I feel that he doesn't enjoy face-to-face reaction.

He doesn't mind seeing online reaction,

preferably favorable, positive.

If it's not, I don't think he minds.

But face-to-face, I think, intimidates him, just like I feel it intimidates me face-to-face.

But you chided him when, and it was early when I got there.

Gidd is doing the tickets in the back where we used to shoot comic book men.

And he's like, get your tickets, yeah?

Like he's doing this thing to every customer that walks in.

Yeah.

And Walt's already like, yeah, just keep doing it.

Somebody will laugh eventually.

Then you can retire.

because it gets annoying after a while.

As far as I can see, after two times, was he doing it all morning?

He's doing it all morning, yeah, and no one reacts, no one's like, ah,

that's good stuff, yeah.

People who don't know him as 148, though, or don't know his, they don't, they just feel he's just trying to be funny, like everybody in my life, right?

You aren't, yeah, you are kind of in a little like Petri dish of

people like

trying like meucking out Steve with like cha-cha-cha-cha-tu.

So, Walt, did you hear the volume?

That'd be great if they had like kind of a vaudeville thing going on.

Mike and get him.

I was not referring to Mike.

You just put that in there, no.

So, you're talking about Sunday Jeff.

Yeah.

Okay, sure.

Why not?

Sunday, Jeff.

You have to give me your opinion on something because this fucking annoyed the shit out of me the other day.

I went to the pool club, the Middletown Pool Club.

Like you're a member, huh?

I'm a member.

Whoa.

I'm a card-carrying member.

It's not that fancy.

Fancy.

Fancy.

Yeah, I went to that pool club.

It's not a member at all.

I was a guest.

It's half like, there's like an ice skating rink there that they play hockey and shit.

And then there's like the pool club.

This pool club would have been fancy in 1960.

That was pool club's heydays.

If this were the Cat Skills and Jackie Mason was there, yeah, then maybe it would have been fancy.

But it's definitely dated.

How much did it cost?

If you go in just for the day it's ten bucks and i think it's two hundred and fifty dollars a person per season oh shit that not bad yeah that's nothing compared to like some of the oceanside ones that are around here but a public pool though huh you risk that yeah

just contact with other people's urine and feces

buttholes buttholes everywhere swimming around

what about what so you won't go in any pools i won't go in a public pool or share what about any pools though because i mean if i if the day comes when i own a pool i'll go in that pool but well you won't allow anybody else in the the pool?

Only approved buttholes are allowed in that pool.

Really?

What would you have to do to get approval?

No, just, you know, knowledge of their history.

What?

Social history?

Every sort of history.

Yeah, you gotta want like swords all over the butthole.

Yeah.

Or like, even like

a butthole, if it's like a little bit too loose.

Yeah.

I just got I'll get a real good filtration system.

If I ever get a pool, I doubt I will.

But

do you have pools on Staten Island?

Or is it when you dig too deep?

Is there de-hit water?

I don't, you know.

Garbage.

Yeah,

the soil.

The soil on Staten Island keeps the pools naturally warm for some reason.

Oh, it's not oil.

All right, who opened up their butthole in my pool?

But like when you dig too deep, do you hit water in Staten Island?

No.

No?

That's not an issue.

What were your noise?

Oh, so anyway.

So we're at the pool, and normally they play this shitty 90s music

over the intercom, and

they were playing that but then there's these kids setting up and I think it's here I think it's in Redbank there's like a it's um

rock and music music school it's like a kind of a like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah school of rock type yeah in Redbank and it's based at a school of rock kind of deal so these kids set up

their their instruments and two drift two different groups play

now

There's not that many people that go to this club.

It was a Sunday and at that point there were maybe 50 people there.

It's not a real busy club.

But

the parents and shit, I guess, are sitting out front.

And these bands play.

And they're so bad.

Especially the second one.

Like, the girl who was singing was so bad.

And they're probably ages 13 to 16.

They're children, though.

Right, they are children.

I agree with you there.

But they're so bad that I feel like it's irresponsible to put them on stage.

I'm like, they're not ready.

Like, these kids are not ready to put them on.

They're paying for that experience, though.

They want to be on a stage.

I'm paying to have a nice, quiet day at the pool, not listen to this shit for 40 minutes.

Like, dude, it was unreal.

I'm like, because that's what I was trying to figure out.

Who does it benefit?

Who does

the kids playing there benefit?

Well, I think you'd have to take the temperature of the pool club.

I mean, are you the only

raging person?

I wasn't.

You know what, raging?

I'm maybe a little bit raging.

Were you the only person raging at the

13-year-old amateurs who have never performed on a stage before and had the audacity to perform

one day that you were there?

It was like the girl was tone deaf.

It was fucking crazy how bad they were.

You've heard elementary school bands perform, and they always suck.

It's like it was that level, if not worse, because they're trying to sing songs that you're like, you've got no business singing this yet.

You're just not good enough.

And that's fine.

You've got to practice.

But you're not ready for it.

Not on my time.

They're playing it, not to me.

They're playing it at me.

They're playing the shit at me.

But Brian,

I think you've forgotten how you needed to

earn

you weren't on stage immediately a hit.

Can I point to Houston?

Yeah, but I was fucking 45 by that point.

I wasn't a 13-year-old kid who's like, I want, but they're selling them a fantasy.

It's like, yes,

we tanked on that tour a couple times.

Right.

But we were still a couple of years.

but we were still ready to perform.

We were still ready to perform, though.

Well, some might argue that it wasn't the case back then.

Well, if you look at Houston, it's like, I will still point to one very inebriated person,

an audience who was from the start was out to get us.

Oh, yeah, that guy.

That's paranoia.

Well, no, you remember.

The girls, like, we're got haters.

The girl's making a phone call in the beginning of the show.

And I'm like, what are you doing?

Like, we're talking.

She's like, it's my birthday as if, like, oh, my bad.

Like, I'm the asshole.

Give a fuck.

I mean, yeah, but you have to, you had to learn your way as a performer.

Why are you like.

It's just funny that, like, when he's in the audience, it's the performer's fault.

When he's the performer,

it's the audience's fault.

Anywhere he's not is where the fault lies.

You better believe it.

Just picking that finger up and putting it to the wind.

Which way is a windball?

Which side am I on?

It's all going my way, I guess.

Who is it for, though?

That is my question.

These kids up there playing, regardless of.

Who is it for?

It's for them and it's for their family and it's for people who are willing to have a little bit of patience at the pool club to not

condone or to

show

that they're unhappy with some children trying to find their voice or trying to make them.

I don't give a fuck about them.

They're not my kids, right?

Right.

The people who are there, and I'm telling you, the people that like sat around, it was like five people.

And I know for a kid in a band or whatever, it's probably a big deal.

You know, it's like, but they weren't ready.

And I'm paying for this fucking pool club.

Like, I'm paying to be there.

Why do I then have to be exposed to fucking shit music by teenagers who are not talented enough to play that shit music and be like, thank you, sir?

May I have another?

That seems like

an awful management.

Like the rest.

No, the management's too busy harassing me to go see a fucking hockey game at the place.

Like they said, like they have a hockey team there.

Maybe you should go to a place that charges like $400 a year.

I mean, a cradle.

Did you just fucking go into the bathtub and have your girlfriend pour a fucking bucket of ice over your edge?

Yeah, come the fuck out.

Calm down.

Just sit in the bathtub and just have just have buckets.

Just pour it on top until he shuts the fuck up.

Yeah, she's waterboarding me.

I'm too busy bragging.

I'm like, and that's with shrinkage, baby.

Where are you going?

Oh my god.

I'm telling you, man, I'm listening to this shit, and I'm like, What type of music do they play?

It was like classic rock type stuff.

Yeah, they played like can't get no satisfaction.

I'm telling you, it was unbelievable.

Like, it was embarrassing how bad it was.

Like, I actually felt a little bad for the girl.

But no one would tell her.

But there's paying dues, and then there's being like, you don't have the talent to do this.

Like, you, like, you, at this point, you maybe you can refine that talent.

Maybe you can get to a point where it's like, yes,

you can passively sing this song, but it was,

if someone were like, she's deaf, I'd be like, okay, I totally believe it.

And fine, she's here.

I'll let the deaf girl sing.

Oh, my God.

But if she's not fucking, if she's not deaf,

someone doesn't love her enough to tell her, like, get the fuck off that stage until you're ready.

And the guy who gave her the vocal lessons should be fucking committing Harry Carey for my enjoyment.

It's like, dude, how do you let a girl stand up there singing like that and be like, yeah, that's my work?

She'll be ashamed.

But you know, how many times Michael Jordan got cut from his high school team before he became a legend?

He did.

He did.

But you know what?

He wasn't fucking shooting hoops while I'm trying to relax at a pool.

Why can't you put earplugs in?

Why do I got to put earplugs in at the pool?

See, you're missing the point, which is like, why the fuck are they there?

Why are they there in the first place?

Why are there people there who want them there that don't?

I disagree.

I should have taken a poll.

I should have done a poll.

That would have gone well.

And I'm just like, do you want these guys off?

Do you want them off to Sage?

That's my daughter, asshole.

I'm like, I don't care.

Like, I don't give a fuck who it is.

She still stinks.

In fact, you should be telling her, like, you know, take up a different instrument.

Be a manager.

Bands need managers.

If Sage wants to do something and she's not immediately good at it, you tear her down.

No, I don't tear her down, but I also don't.

Did parents tear you down when you want to do things?

Yeah, and you know what?

I got better at it.

So then I got to a point.

What?

Talking!

At least talking.

At least talking.

I'm better at talking today.

so they told you you weren't a good talker at any point no they never said I was good at anything so it didn't matter like they like their opinion never really mattered oh I think at some point it did fuck oh when I was young I think it matters a hell of a lot and it still shows that it mattered that it matters that it mattered to them to you oh to me I don't know maybe when I was young but it

shape the man you are yeah maybe I don't know I mean I feel like my friends' opinions weight have weighed in more heavily for a very long time like

because you're

but since I met you, I'm not like, hey, here's something funny to say.

I'll say it to Walt, and if Walt thinks it's funny, then it'll really pass muster with Pam and Edgar.

Aren't they the fucking bar for comedy?

Did your parents ever text you to fuck off?

I'm sure they wanted to many times.

I'm sure Pam wanted to, but was like, I don't have Wi-Fi.

I've only had a cell phone for eight years.

I don't realize that you can text without Wi-Fi.

What kind of person knows that little about a cell phone?

Even though I repeatedly told her.

She's older, man.

She's balder.

I had a horrible incident with a band last night, actually.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I was at this bar in Florida.

I was down in Orlando yesterday, last night.

And there was this fucking bar.

He was pretty good.

He was just strumming his guitar and singing songs, but he saw that I was there, so he kept putting a practical joker in every song.

A song that didn't have the line in Practical Joker?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

No song has the line.

No, it has that.

Jump in, Jack, the Impractical Joker.

Yeah, shit like that.

He'd be like the one he'd be like, I'm a smoker.

I'm a mid-midnight.

I'm an impractical joker.

He'd go.

And the first time you were...

I didn't know you were there.

Well, they did after that shit.

And then it's the fucking photos, and I'm just trying to have a beer.

Right?

That was your.

Oh, God, you guys, like, how do you deal with these crosses that you guys care about?

Oh, but he keeps putting so it was like five songs in a row before I left.

I was like, Jesus.

But I eventually left too because at a certain point, there was a lady who I don't know if she, in fact this it's even worse if she's not a parent of the band because I'm like why the fuck would you care?

But she has a drone that she's flying over the pool all over the place to get footage of this fucking band.

And I go I walk over I go what's going on and she's talking to the guy who owns the pool club and

why you don't want the drone flying?

No, I don't want a fucking drone.

Some lady who doesn't.

You're afraid it's going to get footage of you there?

No, I'm not afraid of footage of me.

I am a, I am like, if this lady doesn't know how to fucking use a drone, she's going to fucking, it could fall out of the sky and hit sage or hit someone.

Oh, I'm just like,

I'm shocked.

I'm just shocked that.

And the fucking guy, the owner, is just standing there like, so what's that?

A drone?

And I'm just like,

what fucking world am I living in?

But I did bring up.

You're living in the $250 a year fucking swim club for that.

There's not fucking frogs and lily pads in the pool.

Smart Money paid $10 and I was like, not for me.

Yeah, if she didn't like pools so much, we definitely wouldn't go there.

But so I go over there and I'm like, but that was the other thing.

And I said, and you really can't just film anyone.

Like, it's a private club.

You can't just start filming people and like not getting a waiver.

But the big thing was the drone.

I'm like some dopey lady who's just like, I don't know if she knows how to use it or whatever.

And it's just like, if you're not, if one of your kids is in that band and you busted out a drone to get footage of this dog shit,

you should be committed to a mental institution.

You really should.

And

with your bar thing, it's like you just want to sit there and hang out, like a normal fucking person.

And the guy can't just fucking quick throw an impractical Joker in or a fucking Larry or something and just like a little nod.

I don't even need the nod, but I mean, if from his point of view, it's like, can't you just do that?

Do you have literally five songs in a row?

Like, chase you out.

I left the pool class.

You scuttled out.

You scuttled out.

Honestly, like, why I like fucking

it's why, like, a strip club's the best place at this point, because you're not allowed to take pictures, you're not allowed to do anything, like you just sit there and you drink, and then there's like you know, naked dudes dancing too, so it's all alright, dudes, dudes.

What?

I mean, uh,

yeah, this same guy wanted to, he was like, Yeah, I thought maybe one of you guys could come by and watch a watch a game.

And I was like, I don't know, what are you talking about?

Wait, what?

At the pool club, because they have the hockey thing there, and I guess they have a team.

It's like an 18 to 20

guy, 20-year-old guys' team.

And I'm like,

who do you think I am?

Do you think I'm somebody that I'm not?

Because why the fuck would I want to go to the next one?

But you're on Pucknuts.

He must know.

I could be up.

He's just like, plug for the Patreon.

Yeah, where do they go to sign up to hear all new Puck Ducks episodes after six long years?

Six long years you would want to go to Patreon.

See, this is good, though, because we don't do this shit.

I always forget.

Patreon.com slash tellemsteve dave or our vanity URL.

Patreon.com slash T-E-S-D.

That dude must be on the Patreon.

He knows that if I get an OG Pucknut in the stance,

I'll fill that fucking building-up licky split.

I'll have to put on an addition.

I'll be able to afford fucking bands that have people of age in them.

Fucking kids rock school are rock.

Many are going to be rock stars.

Whoa.

They're going to prove you're wrong.

I hope one of them does.

It's not going to be that girl, though.

It was.

The one thing that I walked away from being like, that's, it's kind of like, it's exactly what you you would think.

It was almost like a TV show where, like, after their performance, I could overhear them talking, and it's like, they're talking about their mistakes, and just so dramatic about all of it.

So they're trying to learn.

It wasn't a big deal.

Don't learn on my time.

Don't learn.

Go to a fucking rehearsal studio.

Go to your parents' fucking basement.

Didn't you learn on the job?

You learned on the job.

You made mistakes.

Like, okay, going back to, like, if I'm going to say, like, I just talk for a living, then it's like, I learned on the job at Quickstop.

And I wasn't fucking bothering people with like

when they're trying to, like, they're in there to buy a fucking milk, and me and Kevin are talking.

That's not the same as like me sitting there at a pool not wanting to listen.

Like, I wanted the 90s music back on,

and I hate that shit.

But I wanted, I thought it would be funny, though, if like the guy was such a hard-nosed negotiator that he didn't tell the school a rock guy, like, you got to pay me an extra hundred if you want me to turn the radio off while the kids are playing, so they're competing with each other.

That's what I really would have liked to have seen.

But would you tell your daughter if your daughter was a singer and you're like, holy shit, it's caterwalling, man.

This is terrible.

No,

I would never have the

I could never tell my kid

to shatter them and hurt their feelings like that.

That's devastating.

You would let her go up on stage knowing like, wow, this is bad.

And then so you would let, you wouldn't tell her, you would let everyone else tell her.

Let the world tell her.

Let the world tell her.

My job as a parent is to is to uplift them, man.

That's what you got to do.

You've got to uplift your kids, not tell them what they can't do.

I call you dad.

She says, no.

I call you daddy.

I already got a son.

I know.

He's a handful.

I can't take on two invalids.

No, I think your job is to uplift them, though, but within reason.

I disagree.

I think that.

You should be, you're of the mind that, like, kids can do it.

Like, tell your kid they can do anything.

They can be anything they want, which you know isn't true.

Like, you know, it's not true.

I may, if I'm honest with myself,

if she's like, I want to be an astronaut, that I'm like, You're a girl.

I'm like, I don't remember.

I mean, there's girl astronauts, but they don't let them on the moon.

You'll never go to the moon.

Maybe you can pack the lunches for the guys who are going to the moon.

No, but I mean, if she wants to be an astronaut,

I know it's a one in a what.

How many people who train to be an astronaut get to be an astronaut?

It's the history of the world minus two guys who stepped on the moon.

That's the chances of going.

But like if she was like, or even maybe even more outlandish, like I want to be the first female president, I've got to, that's my job.

My job is to be like, you can do it.

You can do it.

My job is not to be like, you can't do it.

Your job is not to be you can't do it, but your job is to, like, I've always been very, a very slow runner.

I can't,

there's something with my feet, whatever.

I just, I don't have the right stride.

I look weird when I run, like, my feet go out and shit.

I'm never going to be an Olympic-level sprinter.

That's not going to happen.

It never was going to happen, no matter how hard I trained.

So, assuming I lived in a world where those two encouraged anything,

if I'm like, Yeah, I want to be a sprinter, they don't have

it's not better for them to be like, Hey,

you run all fucked up.

You're never going to be a sprinter.

Like, maybe not in those words, but just be like kind of realistic, because you can't break it gently.

You don't have to.

You can let you go to some track meets, get your ass handed to you, and then.

Still a hard knocks is what you say.

Yeah, I mean, that's so I should have said something to that girl who couldn't sing.

No, but that's not your view.

You send a mixed signals, Louis.

No, is it that?

No, that expresses to them to not get a recording contract or for them to not get

rebooked.

Okay, so she's 13 now.

Let's say 18.

By 18, she spent five years harassing people with her singing.

What you, you, you live in a world that nobody can improve.

No, they can improve, but I just don't see this.

If If this girl, who seems to really have no sense of tone whatsoever, it's entirely possible she could become a great, great singer, I guess.

I don't know enough about vocal coaching.

What I do know

or anything about vocal coaching.

What I do know, though, is that girl is not prepared to be up there.

She just wasn't.

It would be like if I were like, you know what, I want to be a juggler.

I really want to juggle, like, and please crowds and make them happy.

And I take a lesson or two.

I can't juggle, but I go out there and fucking juggle anyway and drop shit all over the place.

That would please me.

Right.

You would be like, what's up with this?

I mean, this is awesome.

I'm assuming he's drunk.

Yeah.

You would think I was, yeah, right.

You would think I was drunk, not that I was like a serious juggler.

So that's what I mean.

Like, with this girl, it's like, no, you can sing someday, just not here, not now.

Not on my time.

No, not in my time.

Sometimes you got to dissuade people.

Right.

It's just realism.

I guess, but I don't think it's, I don't think it's a parent's role, though,

to dissuade their children in anything.

I mean, you may not, you have to, you have to give them the confidence, and

if they can't do it, at least you can sit there and go,

like, at least I gave them a delusion.

I fed their delusions for as long as I could until some fucking

old dude who paid $250 for an entire summer at a pool club was like, you stink.

But what's the resentment factor I face when they grow older?

As I remember me as the guy that was like, you can't do that.

My earliest, well, one of my earliest memories of you can't do that.

Now, this is where I disagree, because I think it would be very easy to sort of just push this along.

But

when we were young, there was a boardwalk nearby,

Long Branch Pier, and they had a haunted mansion on it.

And I was probably like eight, and I went to the haunted mansion and loved it.

And when I got home, I was like, I want to,

someday I want to own a haunted mansion.

Like, I think it would be so cool.

So I sat down.

I'm like, I'm going to design it and shit.

Now, Edgar, who

is a

carpenter who has experience in architecture, who had a drafting table, who had all that shit,

you can do one of two things

in that moment.

You can take all that shit and all your knowledge and sit down with the kid and be like, that sounds like a good idea.

What would you want here?

What would you want here?

And go through it.

Or

you could

make an argument about how impractical it is

and shut it down right then and there.

Now, in that situation, I feel like it wouldn't have hurt that much to be like, sure, something.

Because at a certain point, you have to think the kid's going to be like, a haunted house, whatever.

Right.

So it would have been very easy in that moment.

It might have been fun, even pleasant, to design a haunted house.

Like you could do a miniature one in the backyard.

Like, it's not too late, you're saying?

Well,

it's never too late to reconnect with your father.

Yeah, I write.

Remember 42 years

when you shit on my dreams of owning a haunted mansion.

Well, guess what?

I'm going to build a haunted treehouse.

We're going to build one together and then give him a big hug and a big smack, big old kiss on the lips.

Not on the lips.

No.

No.

Was it like one of those trailer haunted houses?

Or in your mind, is it like an actual Adams family-looking?

No, this was, yeah, this was a mansion.

Is this the one that burned down?

Yeah, it's the one that burned down.

It was

suspected gas

slash spark slash mafioso, yeah, like whatever.

But yeah, I feel like in that moment, it would have been very easy to because it's not really encouraging

the haunted house.

What do you think?

I want to tell this story because we fucking were like, that's my boy.

He told you, don't get over it, it's never going to happen.

Yeah, he said the same thing later on when a mere mention of on the way up to Henry Hudson up Peak Street,

the school that the high school that we went to, I was like, they should build a Dunkin' Donuts here.

It would make major money.

And immediately, and it's not, it was a passing comment.

I wasn't like, hey, I'm trying to get the permits to build a fucking Dunkin' Donuts.

It's a passing thought, and immediately it was about zoning and what about the summer and this and that and all this other shit.

I'm like, I just thought it'd be cool to have a Dunkin' Donuts on the way to school.

But the haunted mansion thing, I think, would have been very easy.

And that's the kind of thing that it may not have encouraged me in as much of like, I'm going to build a haunted mansion someday.

But just as a general sort of like a general feeling of like you, you there's things you can achieve if you put your mind to them.

Yeah.

So they're telling a kid they can't do it.

Right, absolutely.

But

the father of that kid, I think, should have talked to the vocal coach and been like, look, we both know she's not ready.

The girl can't sing.

So what are we going to do about it?

You break it to her.

Yeah, like you got to tell her.

Here's 50 bucks.

Just crush my child's dreams.

Yeah, I'm going to be over there in the corner masturbating.

I'm just going to say, that's so sadistic.

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know.

What do I know?

What do I know?

Nobody knows nothing.

You should build that haunted house in like Lego or something today.

Yeah, I'll be like, I'll show them.

Yeah.

Comes over.

It's like it's too big for the house, and plus, it's not level, so I got to build it outside.

Oh, I didn't mean like a full-scale mob.

I mean, like, fuck you, like, huge Lego haunted house.

There's nothing that they've tried that you're just like, try this instead.

No, no, my daughter

is into art.

And she's good at it.

She's good at it.

So it's easy to encourage.

What if she drew like me?

You know what?

I would say that there's still room for that outsider art.

That kind of like, you know,

that kind of like art that like

at first glance doesn't look like aesthetically pleasing, but there's a certain like level of like, there's something something beneath the surface of that, or it gives you the heebie-jeebies, or it emotes another emotion.

And I tried to, I mean, like, I'm always promoting her, I'm always uplifting her.

I tell her she should get her own nickname on the internet, become like a pseudonym, like known as like

Banksy?

Like, I know, I told her to become, I told her to become Gore Girl, Gore Girl, yeah, like, and then do all sign all your stuff like that, and like do all sorts of like, like, like, um, tormented artist stuff

and become like, you know like your tortured soul gore girl gore girl but she oh wait so she's faking that she's tortured yeah just to get just to get like clicks and stuff

oh to get for uh

views and shit yourself yeah

i gave her a whole like rundown of like she wants to use it to photography i said we'll get a mannequin and we'll put a we'll put a sign on the on the mannequin and we'll we'll bloody it up and we'll have like a like a baseball bat and we'll on the sign we'll take different put different isms on them and it'll be like your statement against like racism.

And it's like a bloody mannequin, and you destroyed it, or sexism, or fascism.

What about nepotism?

We're going to steer clear of that.

Yeah, she doesn't want to do that stuff.

She wants to do like, you know, like flowers, and she's not into.

I told her, like,

let's just do all sorts of like razor blades

and

popcorn, and we'll do some crazy stuff like with like a like a like what's it called like a mural with like real razor blades on it.

And she's like, nah, she doesn't she doesn't want to listen to these ideas.

I'm like, you could be gore girl.

She becomes like, why don't you become a gore girl?

Because I'm 50 years old.

I want it to be gore girl.

It's a fake name anyway.

You could be gore girl.

I said like you're like you're you're like this goth girl who hates everything and you're just making statements about society, how you can't stand society.

She should totally do that.

We'll fucking take pictures of Mary Beth.

We'll put her in some fucking dark makeup pigtails and a fucking

ripped fucking fish nets.

And we'll be like, here's Gore Girl.

And meanwhile,

you're doing all the work.

Yeah, but

I'm always.

Tell me more.

I'm always telling her,

giving her ideas.

I was like, you know what?

We'll just do dwarfs.

All right.

I got my attention.

Yeah, we'll do, you know, tastefully done, I said, but they'll be just like a chain of dwarfs.

And, you know, and

their ribs are motorized.

I said, and we'll do all sorts of crazy stuff.

But she's not into that stuff, though, yet.

So, wait, the dwarves are motorized.

Yeah, and so they're not real people, or are they all?

Oh, they're real people, but we've used Photoshop and stuff.

Right.

Well, there's a Gorgirl website already.

What are they up to?

Because I looked, I saw the Gorgor Girls.

That's that old 70s.

It looks like

sexy goth stuff.

Like, here they have a line of clothes

with Elvira

associated with that.

So, I saw something.

No, no, no, no.

It's like Elvira.

It's like themed.

Well, that's probably copyrighted too, you know.

Yeah, Gore Girl?

Yeah.

So, I mean, we.

But what about, like, what if you do

a spelling, like, you know, how like Gore Girl, like G-U-R-L or G-R-R-L,

something like that.

I said, yeah, you got to be tormented.

You have to have, you got to be, like, depressed and stuff.

You know, people eat that shit up if you're an artist.

Yeah, it definitely adds a layer of interest to it, I think.

Right.

You know, yeah, people have that.

It's like, we'll get baby teeth.

I said, we'll find baby teeth and we'll create a picture out of all baby teeth.

I said,

you know, like they do.

Like a macaroni.

Yeah.

We'll do it out of baby teeth, though.

Oh, yeah.

How awesome would that be?

We can find like a typewriter that somebody typed their suicide note on.

And it's an

type out racism.

Yeah.

But I told them on their glass chart.

We'll put on the sign underneath, like, you know, that gore girl extracted the teeth before they were supposed to come out of the babies.

Oh, shit.

Since she no one will know who she really is, I said, you build this persona like that.

You rip the teeth right out of babies' mouths.

And you don't want to do that.

People like this.

Well, it'll get you, I'll tell you what, it'll get you noticed.

It'll definitely get you in the best.

People will look at your artwork.

Yeah, they would.

So she only likes drawing pictures of flowers.

Well, no, she likes to do

real artsy stuff, like,

you know, just like stuff that's not like, that's going to

make people

have that immediate, like, like, immediate reaction.

Motorized dwarves are definitely going to get my attention over a flower.

You're right.

You know, she's in that phase where she thinks that

a flower is going to get as many views as

baby's teeth that you say you ripped out of their skulls.

Yeah, there are two kinds of people in this world, Alicia.

You've got to understand something.

Who do you want to run with?

And then you can give up the persona.

Like, you you can never will never reveal it was you.

I said, so you'll never have to feel and get any real flack from it.

I said, now we can't do it since I revealed it all in here.

What's your guy going to have to come up with something different?

Is she the type who would want to have because it seems like all kids do?

Would she want attention on her and accolades?

I think if people liked her art, of course.

But if people didn't,

nobody.

But I mean, like, if there was like, if there was some like 50-year-old guy going, like, get her the fuck off the stage.

Is that a fucking drone?

Somebody pick a paintbrush away.

Is that baby teeth?

That's pretty cool.

Yeah, that's the only good part.

The fucking drone, I'm just like, I cannot, because it's an anything goes type situation.

I'm like, so what's next?

Like, what is next if you're flying drones like six feet off the fucking surface of the water?

Give me a break, lady.

Nope, nope, hey.

I want to take footage of the fucking band.

Like, you're going to watch this shit?

She paid her $250, dude.

She may have it.

I don't know.

It was fucking annoying, dude.

Oops.

Got to take an ad break.

Sorry about that.

But I'm here with Alicia.

Hey, Alicia.

Hello.

And we're also here with Cooper.

That's right.

Cooper's here.

Say hello, Cooper.

Oh, say hello.

He's sleeping right now.

Casper, I consider my Casper mattress a part of the family.

In the pecking order of importance in the family, it's don't worry.

You're still at the top, Alicia.

It's still the kids first.

And then it's the pets.

Don't worry, Cooper.

I know he was, he hear that growl.

Did you hear that little growl?

He was jealous.

Oh, he heard me say that you were more important than him.

Oh my God, I love him.

He's so cute.

But I don't want Cooper to hear this.

But I don't know if my Casper mattress may be more.

Oh,

he growled about that too.

Casper mattress is definitely part of the family.

As much as an inanimate object can be part of the family, it's that important to me.

I feel like a good night's sleep is the key to happiness.

I truly believe if you're not feeling well,

if you're kind of, you know, either mentally or physically, you sleep on a Casper mattress.

There's a good chance you're going to wake up feeling better than you did the night before.

You ever slept on it?

What's with that face?

Nothing.

What?

What's with that face?

Nothing.

I shouldn't say that.

Well, like, it can't cure your problems as a mattress.

It can't hurt, though.

It won't cure your mental problems and

your physical ailments.

I don't know.

Before Casper, you remember,

I was kind of grouchy.

And now, how am I since I've had a Casper?

Have you ever heard me yell or

be grouchy?

Never.

Never.

And before Casper, you know,

I had my days where I could be kind of moody and I'd be like, it was probably because I wasn't sleeping on a Casper.

For real.

That now,

I mean, I can't even remember the last time I woke up and I wasn't just like refreshed and energized.

Hey, we went on a cruise recently.

We went to the Caribbean, right?

The Bahamas.

The Bahamas, and we had a good time.

You went on a horse.

You had never been on a horse before, I thought.

True.

I got to tell you, I got a great idea that I want to pitch to Casper.

Because after riding those horses, my backside was hurting and so sore for days.

I feel if Casper were to introduce to the market Casper saddles, a lot more people would go horseback riding.

I agree.

I mean, do you really agree or not?

No,

why?

That's not very practical.

Why, you just put some foam in that saddle?

It's probably for safety reasons, why they're made the way they are.

What, that they're as hard as a rock and they're so uncomfortable, that's for your safety?

Fair enough.

You know what?

Right?

Yeah.

Mattresses and then saddles I mean you could maybe even take a nap while you're on the horse

you know a nice relax you know a nice relaxing ride

very very

all right

I'll talk to Casper we'll see what we'll see what they what they think I think nobody has even thought of this before until now but like I think that's why a reason why a lot of people don't ride horses because it's just so uncomfortable yeah maybe

let's read some bullet points so we can get back to our regularly scheduled program and pick some good bullet points.

Casper products are cleverly designed to mimic human curves, providing supportive comfort for all kinds of bodies.

Casper offers two mattresses, the Wave and the Essential.

The Wave features a patent-pending premium support system to mirror the natural shape of your body, and the Essential has a steamline design at a price that won't keep you up at night.

Casper also offers a

wide array of other products like pillows and sheets to ensure an overall better sleep experience.

Casper has hassle-free returns if you're not completely satisfied and they're delivered right to your door in a small, how do they do that size box.

I mean we still talk about at the dinner table the times we've we've like unboxed our Casper mattresses.

We still talk about it to this day.

This many years later, it's still like we bring it up at like holidays.

We're just worn out.

We're just like, remember that time we got the mattress and we unboxed it?

I mean, we just laughed and laughed.

I mean, it's,

it is, it's an experience.

I mean, videotape it, preserve it because it's that fun.

Let me see some of these other things we must read before we want to get out of here and get back to the show.

Not because we were bored about talking about Casper.

Nothing could be farther from the truth.

You can be sure of your purchase with Casper's 100-night risk-free sleep-on-it it trial.

I wish you were reading these because I can't.

Because my eyes are neat.

It's so small to type on your phone.

Can you make it bigger?

You read that again because that's a must-read.

People want to hear it again, too.

You can be sure of your purchase with Casper's 100-night risk-free sleep-on-it trial.

Underneath, read another one underneath it, too.

That's a must-read.

Get $50 towards select mattresses by visiting casper.com/slash TESD and using promo code T-E-S-D at checkout.

Terms and conditions apply.

Very nice.

Very well done, Alicia.

That code again is.

T-E-S-D.

No, no, no, the whole thing.

What?

The whole code.

Casper.

Oh, Casper.com/slash T-E-S-D using promo code T-E-S-D.

That's casper.com slash T-E-S-D.

Back to the show.

Seven minutes.

That's what I'm saying.

Is that too long?

I mean, I don't know.

Should we cut trim it down?

I think it was perfect.

Perfect.

Don't you think you deserve for that?

I don't know.

Not that much.

There you go.

That's a little bit more appropriate.

Come on.

If you had read it with no mistakes, then maybe.

I read the same thing once.

And the one time you try to do it, you get like two words out.

Somebody sent me a picture of this girl today.

I'll post it up so you know what I'm talking about.

But there's a girl.

You see this, oh, I'm still looking at Gore Girls, sorry.

You see this kind of shit all the time where people are telling you, like, especially, you know who,

was Huffington Post, where they're like, this will make you rethink everything you thought you knew about blank.

Usually it's beauty or one of these things.

And inevitably, the person that they're going to be like, they redefine beauty.

And it's like, no, no, no, they haven't.

So this is like a new thing where

this is a model.

And I guess she's from, she's Mediterranean.

Her parents.

Her parents were born in Cyprus.

People in Cyprus are just generally hairy people.

And she's a model.

And she is now inspiring others to embrace their hair.

Hashtag unibrow movement.

Okay.

So this is the model.

Whoa.

Okay.

That looks like something out of Star Trek.

It looks like a fucking alien.

Now, first off, even if she had normal eyebrows, and this is what I found about models, she'd probably, she'd look rather average, right?

You're not like, okay, here's a fucking elite model.

Well, she's got what models need, which is a good foundation, a look that can be transformed into kind of anything.

She's got that face, which is good.

The eyebrow is disgusting.

The eyebrow, you'll see the picture, is so thick.

Think of the mine.

It's like, come on.

And it's a uni, bro.

Yeah.

Why is that expectation that you should redefine your tastes or what you think is attractive?

Well, who's saying that I have to?

Just in general, you know, the Huffington Post are like a more liberal type

newspaper.

What they're saying is, that's not what they're saying.

What they're saying is...

Do you think they open your mind to it?

No, what they're saying is like, like, I'm okay thinking it's disgusting.

What they're saying is, let's not, if you see her on the street, be like, yo, what's wrong with your eyebrows?

Respect.

Yeah, just let her live in peace.

Do you think she's inspiring others to embrace universe?

No, not in the United States of America.

Not on that level, right?

If I could grow one, I would.

To support her?

Just to support her.

To do that, yeah, right.

Maybe I'll draw one in, Nick, tomorrow.

Yeah, that'll look pretty good.

Yeah, if you just have a bunch of people.

I'll have 148 drawing in.

A nice thick one.

Me and Gatum will both do it.

Let him him do it first.

I don't like the way it looks.

Oh my God, the store has to open.

All right, let's get going.

Times don't work.

I saw Mission Impossible.

Oh, how was it?

Man, it's good, man.

People are saying it's like one of the best action movies ever made.

I tell you, man,

I get lost in the Mission Impossible movies.

There's so much going on, and so many old characters pop up, and they're not that.

They come up, I feel, kind of infrequently, so I don't remember what's going on.

But all I really need is crazy-ass stunts with that blaring dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.

It's so fun to watch.

Yeah.

Is this accurate?

Somebody told me that it's basically one long action scene in the movie.

Is that accurate?

I don't think that's really accurate.

There's some development, story development.

Okay.

I'm telling you, man, that dude is defying age.

He will make you think about what was the thing.

He'll redefine what you think about aging.

About aging, about, you know.

That I fucking agree with.

He's unreal.

He looks better than he's ever looked.

Really?

He doesn't look like he's aged.

Well, he looks a little bit older, of course, but still, man, he's still doing all his own stunts and shit.

He broke his ankle in that one shot where he jumped onto the roof and then he

scampered up onto the roof and started running.

That was a shot where his ankle was broken.

Get out of here.

That's a dude, man.

That's a man.

He makes a lot of shit, doesn't he?

I hate that.

I hate that.

Well, I mean, he deserves a lot of shit.

Because of his religion?

Yeah.

It's not his religion.

It's the craziness that surrounds his religion.

Yeah.

Like telling Brooke Shields

what postpartum is like and shit.

He's still got a worry.

He's still taking flack for that.

That was decades ago.

You're talking about a time, like it is the exact time when people take shit for something they said or did decades ago.

Yeah, but I mean...

I don't think he should be raked over the coals for saying it now.

He's still in the middle.

Because he's so fucking pompous.

Like, people are like, okay, so he's good looking.

He's rich.

He's famous.

And now he's going to school us on postpartum depression because of some fucking whacked out religion that he follows.

Get the fuck off.

Well, if he's fucking good at everything, why don't we just listen to him and let's hear what he has to say?

Maybe he's fucking right.

That's an interesting point.

But you don't have to be good at good looking.

He's good at everything.

You were either good looking or you were.

He's like Tom Brady.

He's good at the rich I'm back on the Tom Brady train because he's got fat-shamed.

Oh, you're back on.

He got fat-shamed.

Somebody fat-shamed him?

Yeah,

there's a photo on the internet when he has got, and it's not a flattering photo of him and his wife on the beach.

And again, all the haters came out out as they're want to do.

They love it.

They forced me back into his camp because I can't stand people

taking the opportunity to take a shot at him just because

he's not cut like

an Adonis.

Some of these other things.

He doesn't need to be.

But he's also much older, right?

Oh, wait a second.

Let me see.

Is it this?

No, no, no, no.

It's got a shirt on.

No, that's a complete photo.

All right.

Yes, that one.

That's him being fat?

All right.

I mean.

Okay, that's me at my skinniest.

Yeah, he's not fat.

He's not toned.

He's not in shape.

I mean, he's in shape, but he's not toned or ripped up.

They love the opportunity.

For one time

they capture you in a moment where you are not the right lighting.

They love it, man.

Well, if you're famous,

they live for it to tear you down.

It drives me nuts.

Well, I think some people live for it for a good reason because, and I don't think this is about Tom Brady, so let's not get into fuck off territory but I scan close I know

Tom Brady Tom Brady is excluded from what I'm about to say because he's not like this because

some of these these especially actresses have all these pictures taken of them you know everything's photoshopped and airbrushed and filtered and all this other shit and they present this unrealistic image of themselves something that does not exist and then hold it up as a model to like hey shoot for this so when people take a picture of like I think it's actually more empowering for for young girls to see a picture picture of.

Well, sure, yeah.

They're like, here's a fat old dude I don't care about,

I guess.

You should.

Well, you know what?

If you had any brain, if you had a

goddamn stupid,

if you're fucking noggin, you'd fucking look and read his book and pay attention to what he's telling you.

He does look pliable in that photo.

Nobody's going to argue that.

The dude looks pliable as hell.

But say somebody like Kim Kardashian or, you know, one of these type people who,

when a photographer or one of the rags gets a picture of someone looking like they really look, as opposed to all this other, you know, all these filters and shit, it's more empowering, I think, for a girl, say, girls like, you know, like Alicia's age.

I just show her the Tom Brady stuff.

I don't, you know, I just keep a there's only Tom Brady party.

Well, I just say, you know, like you.

You filter everything from the internet.

Not so great here.

It's not so great here.

But not so great here.

That's just, that's just because, you know, sometimes.

Dad, I'm trying to sleep.

Don't you think that you don't like to see people get taken down?

You don't like to see people get taken down who are out there presenting a completely fake image of themselves?

No, I don't.

If you're a single person, visually,

that really hurts other people.

Who?

Who's Tom Brady hurting?

No, not Tom Brady.

I'm not talking about Tom Brady.

Yeah, I'm talking about

Keith Kardashian's job is to look good.

She can't afford to have how many photos can she afford to have of herself not looking as good as she can out there before it starts to hurt her bottom line.

Her business is the way she looks.

Right, but it's fraudulent, her business, because she doesn't look like that.

So, what she's telling young girls is, like, hey, aspire to look like this, even though it's not possible, even for me, to really look like this.

I mean, does anybody look at Kim Gardashin and think that she naturally looks that way?

I think some people do.

I think a lot of people would be shocked at what

movie stars and TV stars and all these people really look like when they're not all made up.

I did

Jim and Sam the other day, and this

girl, Chloe Moretz, was that her?

She was played Carrie in the days,

she was there.

She doesn't even look like a real human being.

She had so much makeup on.

You can tell this is a very professional makeup job.

And I'm like, you strip all that shit away.

And I get why she's doing it because she's going to be on Stern and she's going to be on TV.

So she wants to, you know, she has to look good.

But that's not real.

But that's been that way for forever.

Right, but it's been one of the biggest issues, right?

That, like, you know, these an exercise magazine is like, hey,

here's how to get a beach body and fucking breakfast.

We're starting to come around.

We're starting to see the unibrow become more acceptable.

We're starting to see a little bit of paunch.

Paunch I can take, Tom Brady's paunch I can take.

People start running around with fucking these giant caterpillars on their fucking faces.

Like, who are you?

It's bizarre.

The whole like trying to get you to believe that this is what looks good is like it's not going to redefine anything.

My def definition is original.

But but as a society we are always evolving into what we deem as beaut as beautiful.

I mean in the 40s it was a more voluptuous shape.

Yeah, but some people are still into voluptuous shape.

Yeah, a lot of people are.

Yeah, but but it's now it's moved, you know, you don't see like, who was it?

Like Ma Marilyn Marilyn Monroe?

No.

Marilyn Manson?

No, I can't remember what.

Marilyn Gigliotti?

Marilyn Manson.

But you know what I'm saying?

Like, there was a bit more, there was a little bit more

bit more full-figured.

I think they're all very now.

But now we've in the end.

The 90s were not good for that.

Yeah, that was the 90s.

The 90s were the best.

When the last time you ate.

The 90s were the last time the world was good.

But is it right?

Perception of beauty is my own.

911 ruined at all.

I don't know if it's...

Oh, my God.

I wouldn't say it's evolving.

I wouldn't say it's evolving.

I would say it changes here and there.

But for the most part,

I don't believe most people are.

The untouchables still look like the untouchables.

Absolutely.

Like the people that are universally considered grotesque are still considered grotesque by the general.

Oh, okay.

Sorry.

You're talking about Robert Stack, the untouchables.

What is he talking about?

No.

If I don't know, no one's going to know.

Yeah,

the whole idea of

beauty.

And these people, I guarantee, guarantee, are liars because everyone likes what they like, and there's nothing wrong with that.

No.

But to act as if

certain things should just be like, hey, you're awful if you don't accept this uni brow as being

to redefine it.

Say it's beautiful.

To redefine your parameters as like, oh, you like someone who weighs roughly 130 pounds.

Well, guess what?

You got to add 500 pounds to that if you don't want to be a Nazi.

Right.

You know, because you're a piece of shit.

But who's saying that to you?

Nobody's saying it to me.

But you see, you see it in articles all the time about defining this.

Because I don't read articles.

You got to read an article.

Don't read articles.

I don't read articles.

Everything's misinformation.

This is how you're not on top of things.

You didn't know about this girl with the caterpillar, Brad.

I don't care about any of it.

But I did know about

Tom Brady.

The Untouchables.

Robert Stack.

Yeah, I know about Robert Stack and Tom Brady's fucking extra.

He's kidding.

I mean, people are really just

so harsh.

You would like to see pictures of them, though, right?

What shape are you in, bro?

Yeah, you know, you know, it's you would have thought that they

I mean, you would have thought that like he would like he had a third eye or something the way they're coming at.

But and then the glee, though, that you see people posting, the absolute glee in the fact that he had a little paunch.

Well, they should just fucking turn their eyes a quarter inch to the right and see his wife, and then just shut the fuck up.

I mean,

Jesus Christ, man, she's so beautiful.

You're looking at someone who you're like, I share nothing in common with this guy.

And that's

so fucked.

I am speaking for myself.

I've noticed how pliable you've become lately.

I have your beautiful punch.

I don't have that either in terms of like...

Like guys, like dudes should not be going after him, though.

Dudes should be like, hey, man, I got a punch.

And he's won five Super Bowls.

Yeah.

And he's got a punch.

I got a punch.

Why are we not bowing?

That's not totally for me.

I win five Super Bowls.

No one better tell me any different.

Why are we not bros, though?

Why are we so quick to just hate on him, though?

Why are people quick to hate on Tom Bray?

Because he has so much else going for him.

Because people are like, oh, well, he's rich and he is an incredibly gifted athlete and he has this model wife and all this other stuff.

But he's a human.

So people are like, I'm not going to give him something else.

I'm not going to give him the punch.

I can't do it.

He has everything.

And it's the same thing with Tom Cruise.

There's that certain level of people that just like the movie comes out.

I've talked to people.

I'm like, I saw the movie.

Like, I won't go see a

Tom Cruise movie.

I'm like, why?

I just hate him.

Principal.

And I'm like, you're an asshole.

Well, if you get to the bottom of those principles,

that's insane.

If you're going to stop yourself from enjoying a fucking good action movie because he said something 10 years ago,

I can't identify with you.

Yeah,

holding on to the postpartum thing.

Well, I don't know what to do.

Even if you're a woman who's gone through postpartum 10 years later, you might be like, ah, you know what?

We all make mistakes.

But also, it's like,

take it from its source.

The guy is not a fucking doctor.

He's not like, he's going on and, like, yes, he's being kind of like blustery and

a little bit bombastic with these claims.

And because he was talking about Lauer, right?

Wasn't he like, I've done it, like, I've read about psychiatry and all this other shit.

It's like, look, nobody,

it should just, don't take him seriously.

And it can begin and end there.

You don't have to, like, talk about him

poorly or not see his movies.

It's like I'd love to fucking bag a celebrity.

It's like better than bagging Moby Dick.

Yeah,

if you could bag yourself a celeb queue, really put them in their place, take them down.

Just fucking

excluding Salval Camera.

Is there any celebrity you want to pwn?

Dead?

What about Dead?

Not really.

So this way you're safe then.

No, I wouldn't say that, but I don't care enough about...

Why would I want to pwn

Gary Grant?

Rock Hudson.

No, why?

Somebody did.

Someone would have burst in on Rock Hudson and be like, aha!

Maybe if I had to pick someone, although I'm a fan of his music, about a shitty select, okay.

How about Sinatra?

Let's pwn Sinatra.

That's dangerous, though.

That's still a little dangerous.

That's Jay Brown Jr.'s barely quoting his frequently.

I love his music.

Why, why?

Why did he do that?

Deck Huts.

You just read about him.

He was just really arrogant.

He was a real jerk.

Yeah, he was kind of an asshole.

And like a real jerk.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So maybe I'd pwn him, but even then, I don't care enough.

So you have the chance to pwn him, and you're like,

I don't need to.

He never did anything to me.

I'm

trying to think of who has been so arrogant and obnoxious that you're like, you just want to.

You just want to take them.

Well, take them down in what way, though?

It'd be like, you got a paunch?

Because some people might not even bother.

Post something about them.

Oh, something that's hurtful.

For like they saw up in heaven and kind of ruined their day.

They're on the heavenly internet and they're typing along and they go to fucking who the fuck is this Brian?

Bitterbrian.com.

Formerly Gore Girl.

Yeah, I think that if,

like, personally, even right now, live celebrities, if I were to shit on one, they would be like, who?

It wouldn't register beyond another person.

I imagine, though, that we're all human beings, I'm sure no matter who you are, if you see

enough hate directed your way, it's going to affect you.

Sure.

I'll go to Reddit.

I don't know what Reddit's been lately, but I'm just like, I don't know.

Why would I go?

Because

if I'm not going to argue with them,

there's no reason for you to go.

You should destroy your iPad right now.

Leave just an iPhone.

I'll take care of it for you.

It's been bad, Reddit.

Oh,

it's been a bit rough.

Yeah, it's been a bit rough.

What could they possibly have to say about me negatively?

What could they possibly say say?

You hand out for Patreon unless you're.

Okay, but that's a fact.

I mean, if the

episode for three weeks.

I'm looking for a pin.

Is that what it is?

But even if that was not.

I'm not even going to dignify those people.

You don't want to let them pwn us?

Yeah, then.

Yeah, they're poning us.

Even directly.

But these are the people who listen to our show.

Yeah.

Why do they listen to the show?

I guess they find enjoyment in it.

I just, at the bottom, at the end of the day, I just think they love it so much that if three weeks goes by, they're fucking

maniacs, they're absolute bloodthirsty, and they want to destroy anything and everyone involved.

Or anything standing in the way of the show coming out.

Yeah, I think it's crazy how angry they are.

You would think that, like, Brian,

that was their, every one of them, I'm like, he was a mother X to them, the way that they're just so angry at him.

I mean, it's crazy because we didn't release a show for three weeks.

It was tat him out.

Is that the right way?

Tat him out.

Fuck.

To

really?

To

Brian seducing their mothers or something.

But now that they know we had a good reason, they should calm down.

We still know that.

I don't even know what the reason is.

I don't even know what the reason is.

I have no clue what the reason is.

The reason was,

I was traveling and it was really hard to get to it.

But before that, I don't know why, but the file was six hours long.

And the audio jumped from place to place.

So I had to kind of, I don't know why it recorded the way it recorded.

I wasn't in charge, so I cannot take responsibility.

But in the future, if there's an episode, right, we agree, you give it to Declan, we'll take care of it.

You're on the road, you're doing live shows, you're doing, you're at the pool, you know,

you're droning,

you're on a radio talk show, you're on multiple shows, you give it to me, we'll get it done.

Yeah,

okay.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry that in eight years, this fucking asshole is like, so wait, I had to wait two weeks.

And I understand that if someone were like, oh, so now

they just care about Patreon and the free stuff is going to fall by the wayside, which it is not.

And that, like, there not being an episode is no different than many other weeks where there was an episode.

So that's just going to happen sometimes.

Yeah, there is going to be weeks.

Yeah, the regular episode will, there might be weeks we miss.

You can't lie to you, people, and say it's not going to happen.

BQ's schedule is crazy.

The man can't even fucking talk right now.

I'm here, though.

He's here, but like his voice is so strange.

It's like you're, I thought maybe you were dealing with some illness or something.

No, no.

You're just tired.

Your voice is tired.

A lot of work lately.

That's all.

So it could happen.

And you still come.

You still come.

You still take the ride down.

You got back from Florida today.

Yeah.

Because you got delayed because of an air.

And I found you came.

I didn't pack any clothes.

This is funny.

You'll fucking love this because I went down to Florida.

I was only supposed to be there like 16 hours.

So all I did was bring boxing shorts and a t-shirt, and then it rained so fucking much and I got caught in it that I had to go to the Universal Orlando gift shop.

I spent $97 fucking dollars for a bathing suit, water shoes, and a Jurassic World t-shirt.

And then I wore that for 24 hours straight.

Like at that shitty bar I was at, like in water shoes and a Jurassic World and the universe.

And then on the plane home, when I got home, I had to go to work and do some shit.

All of that.

Crocs are like,

not even Crocs, like the worst.

She's just dressed as a minion.

That would have been good, too.

That's universal, right?

I looked pretty bad.

Yeah, I think that, yeah, Nickelodeon.

I think, yeah.

That would be good.

Yeah, you and yellow body paint and some overalls.

I'll fucking do it.

Why not?

Why not?

Oh, shit.

You know what I got to see?

You know what you missed in LA?

What's it?

I got to go see.

We met Mosier for dinner.

Oh, nice.

And

he directed that Grinch movie.

Yes.

I saw a preview of it at the theater when I went to see Black Panther.

So he's like, why don't you come meet me a little early?

You can watch him scoring the movie.

So I got to sit two things down from Danny Elfman and watch him score with an 85-piece orchestra.

It was insane.

It was like

mind-blowing.

Mind-blowing.

That dude's a genius.

It was crazy, man.

Funny guy, too.

I didn't talk to him.

They introduced me to him, but I was like, yeah, yeah, you know.

But like, he cracks jokes as he goes through it.

You know, he talks.

He's a pretty funny jokes.

He's pretty good jokes.

You're a mean one.

You're a practical joker.

He did it.

He did it.

That I would accept.

Tickets, yeah.

Get your tickets.

He did tell some pretty dark fucking jokes.

Ooh, dark jokes.

Because he was like making fun of it.

Because what they do is they play the music.

They play the movie with no sound.

Right.

And you know, it's little Lindy, Cindy Luhu.

And so he was putting words in their mouth.

And it was pretty dark shit.

It was.

that could get him in trouble if you were to go to the bathroom.

Nothing that bad.

We don't want to.

No,

nothing of that nature.

We don't want to.

Absolutely not.

More along the lines of pulling baby teeth than shit that can get you fired.

But

it was a trip to listen to and watch him work.

So that was pretty cool.

The fact that I started telling that story.

You were talking about.

You're at Universal Studios.

Universal.

Oh, we were talking about you.

Yeah, you started out with you coming here, regardless of

all those things you ran into.

And

if you do happen to miss a week, we'll try to meet, me and you, and maybe we'll pull somebody else in.

We'll try.

We could have done it if I were here.

But it may not happen.

But

the other stuff will come out on time, though.

So despite schedules, yes, we'll try to get out an episode a week if we can.

I told you, it's people's medicine.

Didn't you need your medicine?

I did need my medicine.

Didn't you go

like a maniac to get your medicine?

It's true.

I mean,

if our medicine is as addictive as that medicine, why the fuck are we not richer?

Why?

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

I don't know where to go when the music stops.

The bartender says that it's time to go find another spot.

We're headlined out and we spark one up to see where our feet land.

The night is young, the moon is full, but we can't find our kind.

You can feel me turning on the time is right.

Kick down the door, come on, baby, turn off the light.

I'm running out of wise,

I'm running out of time.

Don't you keep me waiting no more.

I'm running out of wise,

I'm running out of time.

Don't you keep me waiting no more.

Do you remember the sacred nights we have?

Those marks running up and down your legs and across your back.

Come on down and stay all night, tossing and turning till the morning lights are bringing where you'd rather be than hanging out with me.

I don't know what has changed, but it's got its own strange.

Looking back, and all these years is driving me insane.

Cause I'm running out of lies,

I'm running out of time.

Don't you keep me waiting no more.

I'm running out of lies,

I'm running out of time.

Don't you keep me waiting no more.

I tell you what, baby,

you know it's true.

I'm running out of lies,

I'm running out of time.

Don't you keep me waiting no more.

I'm running out of lies,

I'm running out of time.

Don't you keep me waiting no more.

I'm running out of lives,

I'm running out of time.

Don't you keep me waiting

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