#378: Scatman Johnson

I'm Walt Fladenson.

We offer chemical constructions.

I would pay for that billboard.

Well, you know what, animal lovers?

How about you let a bunch of ticks go all over you and don't kill them either and then succumb to Lyme disease, you morons?

Aren't you the one who hates individuality more than anyone I've ever met?

Cosplaying, will you?

I'm standing out.

Did I?

Tell them, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve.

Dave, we're doing it during store hours, so we're going to have to gaffe again this bitch and make it nice and clean.

Yeah.

So no little ears are tainted with our filth.

Yeah,

they said that they don't care if we curse in front of their kids.

But I care.

That's the issue.

Your girls curse?

Like, do your girls curse around the house?

Not in front of me.

No?

No.

That would be a thing?

That would be cause cause for

that's

me, that would be very upsetting now if they were to be that disrespectful.

They don't curse in front of their parents.

Like if one of your daughters, like your older daughter, if she was like, I was driving and this asshole cut me off, that's.

That would cut off.

I'd be like, I know that's a lie because I'm driving before her.

Would a slip-out curse

bother you?

Slip-out, like, like, if, like...

Gosh, shit.

No.

No.

But, like, in casual conversation, you just throw it in.

Like,

that would not be, I would be like, why do you got to do that?

Who are you trying to impress?

You should have seen this dumb motherfucker in class.

I don't curse in front of my mother.

Yeah.

I try not to impress.

And look how old I am.

Yeah.

And I don't do it, so I expect the same thing of my girls.

It's respectful.

Yeah, I believe it is.

Is it?

I think so.

If it would bother your parents, if it doesn't bother your parents, who cares?

But if it would bother your parents, then I think it's respectful not to bother them.

Yeah.

I don't really do it, but my parents didn't really curse in front of me either growing up.

I remember Edgar having a real aversion to the word asshole.

Like, that was his,

yeah, like, he didn't want to hear that for some reason.

Like, it was worse than any other curse.

Really?

Yeah, if you were like somebody who was an asshole, you'd be, you know.

What would happen?

Did you ever try to get to the bottom of that?

I have not.

No.

His aversion to it?

No.

I never did.

Like, I just remember, like, I'm thinking about it now.

I haven't thought of it in some time, but as a kid, I remember that was like,

don't say that.

Yeah.

You can say anything else, but don't say that.

No, yeah.

I guess, I guess, anything else, yeah, you're going to get in some trouble.

Yeah, I'm like, how about some euphemisms, Dad?

It would have been a good, nice test to see what word you could

inject there instead of a-hole.

Right, once the slaps stop.

I'm like, all right, we've settled on this.

My father did not like

black jokes.

He would not, which I know it's Staten Island, so you would think it would be the opposite.

You would think it would be like basically

saying grace at dinner, but he did not.

He would not have it.

I don't think I ever had a lot of people.

No problem with Polish jokes for some reason.

I don't recall

any jokes regarding

Polish or race jokes in my house at all.

Not one can I recall.

Well, you had a sister.

I had two brothers.

Like it's different.

It's a little bit more of a frat house.

Rough and tumble frat hashes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But yeah,

my father would not deal with that.

Telling black jokes and pillow fighting.

I wanted to give you guys these.

This is my second week back, but we didn't release last week's episode yet, which is good because I brought you guys gifts.

And I forgot them last week.

Yes.

Because

one of my favorite parts of the movie we shot directly because of telling Steve Dave.

So I wanted to come and give these to you

to commemorate.

Right, so I just was thinking of you guys because this wouldn't be in the movie if it wasn't for you guys.

Open it.

Please open it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, it's a south of the border.

Mug.

Wow.

Pedro.

This is Pedro, baby.

Oh, yeah.

So, when you

pitch to the producers, you're like,

I want to go

to one of the most

insensitive places in America, in my opinion.

What was their reaction?

Sounds great.

There was no.

We can't shoot in the Johnson household.

What What else you got?

The concern was, and if you guys want to swap them, I didn't really pick one for

Pedro on the handle.

I kind of like mine.

All right.

And I've got this for the store, too.

You did.

South of the Border.

One per sticker if we wanted to put it up there.

Yeah, we'll put it in the case.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Got a little roughed up.

How many you got?

I'll put one on my car.

Here.

Yeah, I bought a bunch.

They have them in the lobby for free.

So I just grabbed a bunch.

Nice.

I want everyone to know that I fully support South of the Border.

Yeah.

Me too.

Thanks too.

I'll forget him, too, but I'm not going to

be able to do it.

Real mariachi band action?

Well, remember the racist lawyer

who was with the immigrant stuff?

When they wanted to bother him, that's what they did.

They hired an authentic mariachi band to annoy him.

Right.

Because he didn't like Spanish people, I guess.

Well, I think the problem is that that was neither conceived, owned, or is a representation of a real mariachi or real Mexican person.

It's just some dude.

That's the problem.

Everybody has mustaches.

I was there.

For people to get upset about it

seems silly.

It's not that bad, right?

They have a lot of weird art there.

I think we talked about it, like

an entire shop of African art.

It's so bad.

It's a weird place, man.

Yeah, and then they're like, buy fireworks in this next store over.

It's like an acre-long compound of food and gifts.

And there's a hotel that's amazing.

Tchotchki.

And

you guys didn't stay in it, right?

The swimming, no, we were there for like five hours.

And the swimming pool is in something called Pedro's Pleasure Dome.

Yeah, it's pretty exciting stuff, yeah.

It's pretty exciting stuff.

It has multiple connotations, right?

25th anniversary trip.

It meets none of them.

It's none of them.

There's fire ants all over it.

But yeah, no, when I propose

Steve Day, some fire ants.

Exactly.

When I pitched it,

they liked it a lot, actually, because as a road trip, it's a landmark of where you are in the country.

So we had a good time there.

Thank you, Q.

Welcome, guys.

I am going to announce a contest for

Cinco de Ts DiMayo, right?

Okay.

This is a one-of-a-kind item, this prize.

Whoa.

For the person who can get

a listener who can get the most famous person to say, tell them Steve Dave on video.

Oh, cool.

What's horrendous?

Excluded are anybody that we're tight with.

You can't go get Sal to say it.

You can't go get Kev to say it.

You can't get Fatone.

Yeah.

Anyone within our little

universe.

Yeah, we're talking like...

Lemmy was a good one.

Lemmy was a great one.

Like anyone that we're not real familiar with, like Tom Hanks would be good.

Oh, God, yeah.

He won't do it.

I think the hardware stuff is going to make people nervous about podcasts.

Really?

Dangerous medium, all of a sudden.

There's a lot of people connected to Chris Hardwick now who are looking over their shoulders like, oh, man, maybe I shouldn't have done that show.

I'm looking at you, Tom.

But then you look at the new text that came out, and

it only backs up like, oh, maybe don't rush to judgment immediately.

Does it?

I mean, did you read his text?

Yeah, I read his text.

Well, first off, when I read what she had written, I was kind of like, this seems like he's a crummy boyfriend.

Right.

Now, I've heard tell that he is not the greatest guy anyway from other people, but that's incidental to what she's saying.

If I may, because you know, I'm really good friends with Matt.

I want to recuse myself from this conversation because I don't want to say anything that'll

you know what I mean?

What's up?

You bought it up.

No, no, but I didn't know he was going to go on about the

Tom Hankson podcast,

not the text and stuff like that.

I really read a little bit about it.

I think you can comment on this, though.

I cannot believe the amount of success that Hardwick parlayed his podcast into.

It's insane.

What the fuck?

Into an employee, like beyond an employee.

He sold it for $10 million.

It really, like,

I'm sorry that I don't know what I was more bummed out about, but I think it was the fact that, like, we're trudging along, and this guy's fucking making billions off a podcast.

Yeah.

And I'm like,

please buy some skulls.

No one's listening.

You got crickets.

It's all predicated on having famous people on the podcast, though.

Like, that's why Mark Maron is so big.

That's why Joe Rogan is so big.

It's like

they don't have just,

it's not just them all the time.

They're not so exclusive like us where it's like barely anyone ever comes on.

So if like we lived in LA and we had connections where people are constantly coming on the podcast and talking about the geek culture shit, obviously Hardwick is like one in God knows how many, but I think that's a big part of his success is that he had all those connections in Hollywood and was able to parlay them into appearances.

And who has Tom Hanks on talking about typewriter collections and shit or whatever?

Do you think that

elevates everyone involved with his podcast to another level?

Because they talk to more famous people than themselves?

I think more people listen because they talk to more famous people

and that elevates them.

We can't even book get him Steve Dave on this fucking show because he's got a standing dinner.

He's like, what night is it?

Yeah, I'm supposed to have goulash with my friend.

So it's a little troublesome though.

Yeah, but yeah, but I did read some of Hardwick's texts and it did seem like, because they were from 2014, and he's like, they seemed like a reasonable conversation that you're having with someone.

It didn't seem like he was being an asshole about anything.

Yeah, I don't know.

His text was so long.

I don't know about the rules anymore.

They don't do nothing.

They're on the flies.

I sit in my house quietly.

I watch Netflix.

I don't go out.

I don't do nothing no more.

I'm ready to lock it down for a few years.

And then I'll fuck a break bed when the show's over.

We've got to pass from these guys.

They said it's a good idea.

They're not the only ones in the store anymore.

Oh, no, adults?

You're right.

You're right.

When you're right, you're right.

My apologies.

Hello.

Hello.

All right.

What I want to say, I saw before something came in today, before we started.

Yeah.

I saw a man delivering.

I cannot take my eyes off this lady.

And

delivering

floor mats that they've cleaned, like this big massive work truck.

Oh, like steam clean those mats from restaurants.

Commercial work mats.

Okay.

And he was whistling up a storm.

Happy.

Yeah.

When is the last time you whistled while doing anything?

Never you were just like, I'm not.

I was driving when I saw some hot chick just earlier today.

I was like,

I can't wait.

And then again, when I drove around the corner to do it again to make sure she heard it.

Then I hit my horn, which I changed.

I don't know the rules.

How can I follow them?

Generally,

it jumped over a construction site.

Whistling while he worked, huh?

Whistling, but like, when's the last time you were in such a jovial mood that

you were able to whistle.

I remember it was 1974.

Flashback music.

Before the movie, for sure.

Movie.

Remove the whistle.

It killed your pucker.

Unpursed my lips, you might say.

I'll never whistle again, but I'm sorry,

I made a movie.

No, to drive in here.

I didn't stop whistling.

I became more famous.

People not only paid to see me on TV, they went to the movies to see me, too.

I had to hire a flatbed to bring my money to the bank.

Oh, God, I wish.

Briggs was like, this is too much.

It's too much.

Vans aren't big enough.

Right.

Sure it is.

I wish.

I wish.

You'll know that day comes because this podcast will be the only way to

hear me.

To see or hear me.

No, driving down here today was probably the first day that I was like, life is pretty good, man,

since before the movie.

I put on the Gravediggers, blasted it, the windows down,

rap hardcore.

Why wouldn't the name of the band is Gravediggers?

There's a Z at the end.

But now you're saying Gravediggers.

Like you're saying it correctly.

What the?

What is going on here?

I don't know, but I like it.

Were you taking notes from this matte delivery man?

On how to whistle?

Not how to whistle.

Can you whistle?

I'm not a good whistler.

Not the best whistle, but

I can summon up something that sounds like you can't do that.

No, I can't feel my fingers.

Yeah, I asked my grandfather to teach me how to do it, and I could never do it.

Is it too late?

Is it too late to learn how to be like...

No.

And some people like, they just only purse their lips a little bit and are able to do it.

Yeah.

It's crazy.

It's one of the reasons I've never catcalled.

I just like, it would be like, it's just like a weak whistle, so a girl can't even hear it.

You learn that you're virile with the attraction.

It's like you infinitely.

Do girls equate a strong, healthy whistle with

a healthy backbone of a man that can

connect that can deliver the

toe curling that they so desire?

If I had a strong virile whistle, wolf whistle, there's no girl I couldn't get.

You'd be like the Pied Piper just whistling.

I'd be walking down Broad Street like,

all the hotties following me.

Oh, your whistle is only picked up by hotties?

Yeah.

I have heard, and this is the problem with

paying, you know, only listening to one side of the story, but I have heard women say, that they don't want society to get to the point where men won't do like a little light cat calling and stuff like that.

Oh, yeah.

But they like it.

It makes them feel pretty.

I know.

I know.

I've heard way more women who say they don't like it.

Yeah.

But I've heard the occasional say, like, nah, it's kind of like

they would feel bad.

There's some sort of

affirmation or validation that comes with it.

Yeah, I guess.

I could use something like that.

I wish I did a whistle at me.

Yeah.

Oh, thanks.

Nice.

I like your show.

Thank you.

I'm checking out my dams.

Yeah, nice.

It's no surprise.

You've got the healthiest, the most manly whistle out of all of us here.

It's wasted these won't

at least you got it out there, no, yeah, one point.

Yeah, mine is like the flaccid cock of whistles.

More like a slide whistle then.

Will Viagra help your whistle?

I don't, you know what?

I should look it up, see if that's a side effect.

I would be willing to pay $50 a pill if it increased my whistling abilities by 10%.

When you get your injections,

have you tried your whistle on

a full body of that stuff you get?

On the testosterone?

Yeah.

Have you ever tried to test your whistle when you're running on

a full tank rather than an empty?

At full capacity?

I have not.

In fact, I'm due to go

later next week.

And I'm already a month over

due.

You're probably low energy right now.

On the last quarter of a tank right now, probably.

So that may be why your whistle leaves a little bit to

tell you what

when I go in next week, because he listens to the show.

My doctor listens to the show.

Why would you go to the doctor and listen to it?

I'll interview.

I didn't know it until afterwards.

Come on.

I didn't.

No, I really didn't.

I didn't know it until afterwards.

But he's like, I know who you are.

Through CBM or TSD?

I think he watched Comic Women and then learned about Tellum Steve Dave through that.

But yeah, he's like, I've heard your podcast.

Wow.

So you make me uncomfortable.

All he does is cut something in, like, right here.

It's not like he's shoving pills through the head of mine.

Yeah, but he had to give you a thorough examination, right?

Actually, a lady did.

It was a lady doctor who I don't think listened to the podcast.

I don't think so.

She's like, whistle-forming.

And she asked if I was in there for gender reassignment.

I would enjoy it if, like, the cat call got to, like,

would women be upset if men carried like a kazoo around?

Or like, what are those, like, those robot things or people putting their mouths onto the street robots?

Oh, so now they're talking through it, too?

No, or just like a

comb with some surround rounds.

Yeah, so it's silly.

It's not as threatening as the whistle.

I mean, I think if guys are going that.

What's wrong with just like, like, you go to a museum, right?

And you see something beautiful that you're like, wow, this is amazing.

Nobody whistles at it.

Right.

You're just, you quietly appreciate it.

Isn't that the way you go through life?

Like, you just quietly appreciate a girl in the female form.

Like, why do you have to be like, I approve?

Because that's really what that's saying, right?

I don't know.

I've never done it.

I've actually never done it in my life.

So

I never got the.

I would hate to, because what would happen to me?

I'd be like,

they turn around and be like, gross.

I'm sorry.

It was him.

I have been driving and passed a woman on the street and been to myself in my car, been like, damn.

like involuntarily.

Just be like, God damn, she looked that good.

But no, like, horn honking or other shows of like

seal of approval type stuff.

Not that I recall, but no.

It does happen quite often, though, I hear.

Like,

I don't see it.

Like, I don't really see it.

If I'm hanging out with you guys and we're going somewhere, I don't, like, you guys don't do it, so I don't see it.

Like, it's not New York City, so I don't, it's the suburbs.

Yeah.

You know, but evidently it happens

all the time.

A girl that I was seeing caused an accident once.

Some guy was like rubber necking at her, and he just slammed into the car in front of her.

That's a Q-level hottie.

Right?

She was causing accidents.

Does insurance cover that?

Well, yeah, I guess.

I mean, I think you lie.

You lie.

You don't say the truth.

You don't say, like, I saw.

I was in the middle of a wolf whistle.

I saw a sweet bungle.

Oh, we got off topic.

So, yeah, the Cinco de CSD Mayo.

If you get the most famous person, and the prize will be

my dick magnet shirt.

Remember that shirt?

Oh, wow, dusting that off, huh?

Second season of comic book men.

Right.

When I got into an argument with the producers, they was getting him falling down the stairs over there.

What's going on?

No, it's not getting him.

Is he in a bad mood?

He's very solemn.

He's in the work game.

That's the work face.

Game face.

Yeah.

No whistling.

It's not like you're sanitizing mats and delivering them.

Were you envious of the guy?

I looked at him and I was kind of like, I wondered, like, if I was delivering a commercial matting to

stores and restaurants, would I be able to whistle while doing it?

Don't know if I could.

I feel like.

I definitely could not if I was doing it alone, but if I had a partner, like I was doing it with you or I'm doing it with you or I'm doing Troy Troy, or I'm doing it with like somebody I'm tight with,

I think it instantly turns into a way more acceptable job.

I think if you're working with someone that you like, like me or Troy, we're not doing an acceptable job at all.

I think we're like, you want to go see a matinee?

We'll get these cough and social within the last hour.

Well, I don't mean our employer would find it acceptable

on a personal level.

I don't think it's too many.

I don't believe it's a two-man job anyway to deliver the match.

The property partners would go.

Yeah, I'm like,

I thought Troy and Q were going to be enough.

I'm going to have to bring Walton to really

make this

something I could tolerate.

How many mats did we sell?

So, no whistling around here for you.

Forever?

I cannot recall at any point where any of the employees I've heard whistle.

I don't know if that's a reflection on the management.

The fish rocks from the head.

But yeah, I cannot recall.

I don't know if Giddam can whistle with the lack of.

No teeth.

And I refuse to believe that if Mike and Ming were in the same room, somebody wasn't whistling.

Yeah, I don't know.

I'll ask Giddam if he can whistle later on.

Oh, well, you would have liked this.

I was in the city last night.

Went up to the big city.

I did the Chip Chipperson show.

Oh, okay, cool.

The character that that Jim Norton does, and it's right above the comedy cellar.

So afterwards, Jim was doing a set.

So I was like, I'll go check it out.

Did you see Sal?

I did not see Sal.

Why, was he there last night?

He might have.

He had like five spots last night, and usually he stops in there.

Not even to do a spot, just to hang a little bit.

No, because

I guess there's an early show, and then you have to.

There's a separate.

This is like a 7 and 11 o'clock show.

Yeah, there was a later show, so I didn't stay for the later show.

But

so Jim did his set.

Then a lady, I'm not sure what her name was, did a set.

But then this is where you would have been interested.

Walt, Ray Romano.

Wow.

Did a set.

Everybody loves Raymond.

I was like, what the?

Holy shit.

Like, this is so weird.

Yeah, I guess he's like doing a new hour or doing some new material and stuff.

Or I don't know.

Maybe they just like to do shit like that.

So he went up and he was,

he's a good stand-up, man.

That dude was funny.

Like, yeah, it's interesting when you see a guy do stand-up and then you see him like on a sitcom where like, I liked everyone, everybody loves Raymond.

I used to watch her with my grandmother all the time before she died, and my brother missed her last moments because he stopped for a cup of coffee on the way in.

Good coffee, though.

It better be the best coffee ever.

So he was really good.

And then they're like, we got one more guy, and then David Tell came up.

I love him.

He's amazing.

He's one of the best comics ever, I believe.

Like the

smooth and funny and fluid, and just like

nothing you've ever seen.

Like, it's like effortless, you know.

Until his next level, yeah, like effortless.

He was so good.

And just, but, like, the look on his face is like, I guess I'll do this till I die, and then

he doesn't want to anymore.

I heard an interview with him where he's like, I just can't take the road.

I may want to, I may retire.

And that was like two years ago.

Oh, yeah, that's what I mean.

Like, not whistling while he worked.

Definitely not.

Almost like, like, still really good and sharp, but like, almost like, yeah, like, I don't, I'm above this

crap.

Yeah, what am I doing?

How did I end up here?

Yeah.

So you would have liked.

That's some luck on your part.

That was really lucky, yeah.

Because I went there just and I almost left after the girl because I was like, I don't know if it's just going to be a series of comics that I don't really know.

Why would I hang out?

But

wouldn't it have been funny?

Would you have laughed or felt bad if Sal had gotten up, you didn't know, he didn't know you were there, and he just like bombed.

Like people were like throwing tomatoes at him.

He brought rotten vegetables along.

I would be like, this is unreal.

Sal's a funny guy.

He starts tearing up on stage.

Like, it goes as wrong as it can go.

If it goes as, like, is it just his, like, is his material offensive or is it just bad?

It's just like he just, on every level, he just loves it.

Wow.

Yeah.

He's trying new material.

He's not sure of it.

All the confidence he's built up on stage over the past seven years of touring goes away.

He's flops sweat.

Like, well, look, it wasn't free to get in, okay?

So if

so, if as I'm walking through, they hand me a bucket of tomatoes, I'm using the tomatoes.

Yeah.

Who,

to plug another one of my compatriots, is in, I think, Chicago and Detroit this weekend doing solo stuff with Bert Kreischer, I think?

Bert Kreischer.

Yeah.

So

if this gets released before Friday, Brian and I will be at the Awakening Experience Friday, and Sal is doing solo stuff with some very funny people and I promise he will not flop.

I can't imagine it going that poorly for sure because I've seen stand-ups crash and burn.

Like even good guys who are like, oh, I bombed, it's not nearly as bad as somebody who.

I went to see Artie Lang

at the Cal Pasie and I can't remember the lady's name, but it was a female comic.

She opened up for him.

And

it was a bunch of Stern people because he was on Stern at the time.

So they don't want to to hear her.

They just want to see Artie.

And they're yelling Stern stuff out.

And she started, I mean, I had to hand it to her.

She started the same joke probably three times because people just kept shouting stuff.

And at the time, it was years ago, Suzanne was there with me.

And she was like, you should do something.

And I was like, what?

What do you mean?

She wanted me to like stand up and like, as if I had some level of authority to tell people to stop heckling this woman.

I'm like, we're concerned.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Or concern.

I'm just like, hey, that's the way it goes.

Like sometimes,

and then you do three podcasts about how you tag so hard.

But it was like, I would not have wanted to be her, but at least she could have pointed at, like, these are just a bunch of hoopleheads who

just wanted to see Artie, and they didn't care about the opening act.

And she was doing like sort of like female-centric humor, which is like real, like the lady yesterday, it's very tough to, like, she was a younger girl, so she's talking about dating apps and all this other shit I've no, I can't can't relate to.

You just don't care about.

No, that's why I like old white guy, older white guy

comedians or

older black guy comedians.

Yeah, my favorites.

Yeah, yeah, like because those are the guys that I'm like, all right, they're talking about shit I can relate to.

Well, it's just with age comes, like a certain perspective and wisdom that you,

unless you're very unique, you don't have when you're younger.

You know, and then I'd say, you know, and then if she's talking about dating, what the fuck do you even care?

I think sorry, Walt, about it.

So I get it.

Yeah, but I have like about a month back, maybe a little bit longer, I saw Rich Voss's wife, Bonnie McFarlane, and I'm like, holy shit, she's funny.

Because she's just saying, again, she's saying stuff that I'm like, all right, I know what she's talking about.

She's like, she's not old, but she's older.

Right.

And I'm like,

it was, she's amazing.

Like, really good.

Yeah.

Really, really good.

Yeah.

Nothing.

I ain't going to do shit, man.

You're not going to white knight

comedian who's got learning experience in front of her and take that from her.

I don't know.

Walter, I need to know if you heard this.

This is like some Trump.

I've read about it a little bit.

I know people are very upset about the

borders, the children being taken away

at the border and stuff.

I didn't know if you heard this, though.

This is

Corey Lewandowski, who was a former Trump campaign manager.

And they're talking about

this whole situation.

And this is what he says.

So the first guy who's talking is an advocate for the immigrants, the people coming over the border.

And there's a lady there.

I'm not even exactly sure who she is.

But then this is what

the Lewandowski guy says.

I read today about a 10-year-old girl with Down syndrome who was taken from her mother and put in a cage.

I read about a, did you say wamp want to a 10-year-old with Down syndrome when you take it from her mother?

How you dare you, but the bottom line is very dare you.

When you absolutely dare you, legally, you dare you.

The right to this country taken from their mother.

Then it just kind of becomes a parody of like every talk, every show where people are at opposite ends of a point and they just...

Want womp is an odd reaction.

I mean he did start saying it before she got to the end of the sentence I think he pulled the trigger before the word autistic came out but that's an odd reaction to any child getting taken away from

his mother isn't that yeah like the um

the the sort of specifying that like a 10-year-old Down syndrome could versus any 10-year-old.

It's like,

who cares what their affliction is or isn't?

But for somebody, and like if you look at his face, that's really kind of the amazing, it's astounding that he said it.

What an and is he still on the air?

He's the one who's oh boy, do I have an idea for the womp?

Get ready to be on camera, Stage.

If you

like, just watch his face when he says it.

With Down syndrome, who was taken from her mother and put in a cage?

I read about a, did you say won't want to a 10-year-old with Down syndrome?

Anything you worked up, but the bottom line is very scary.

Oh, I thought that was a woman that was screaming at him.

And I was like, why is that woman not like her mouth?

I was expecting the blonde woman to be talking the entire time.

That is, it really does sound like a female, right?

Because then when you get upset, your voice rings.

Maybe.

I saw a mouse.

But you don't start.

I feel like.

Oh, yeah.

It was pretty shameful how I reacted because

during the storm, our house, we had all the damage in our house.

And

I walked into our kitchen, and this is just as we got back.

And the people who repaired our house, I guess, didn't push the stove back far enough and didn't fill in the

hole where the gas line goes down.

And the mice come in.

And a mouse

was on the stove.

As I turned a light on it, he immediately went down

to the mouse hole.

To the mouse hole.

And

yeah, my girls thought that they had

two moms.

Clutching the girls on.

I thought they caught you

on a chair with his skirt lifted.

They caught me by surprise.

I didn't realize I could get that scared of a mouse.

It was shocking.

Of course it is.

A rodent?

Yes.

It's just.

You feel victimized.

Yeah.

Hashtag me too, man.

I see a mouse.

Does a mouse me too?

Yeah.

Remember, we saw one in the wreck one time.

Like just a mouse or a rat scurry across the floor.

Because I'm afraid it's going to bite me, and I'm afraid it's going to have.

I'm with you on this, man.

Like, rodents and bugs.

Like, I don't mind saying that.

Birds.

Birds, yeah, I've never had a bird in the house.

But, like, Pam and Edgar, they were a couple of years ago, they were doing road work on their, like, right by their house with all the, they were replacing sewer lines.

Oh, I guess rats live in sewer lines or something?

Of course.

Did you ever see, ever see New York's, you mean you go see a movie and there's like set in the New York subway or the sewers in New York?

You're never more than 10 feet from a rat.

Yeah, but I thought, like, I thought, like, sewer lines were just like pipes that, like, carried sewage, and there was like no way to get in these voids i don't think they live i i don't think no not like sewage isn't like you flush your shit and it goes down i think it's like the drainage like uh on the side of the road and stuff like that it's not like closed lines would a would a could a rat survive on an excrement i think it could yeah

what a horrible existence

the mat guy's whistling being like at least i'm not a rat like i'm not a rat guy i'm a fucking mat guy

what happened was after they dug up all this shit the rats were going into people's houses So Pam and Edgar had all these rats.

Like they had to get an exterminator because all these rats were coming in and like living in the like you could hear them scratching the ceiling.

I was like, any little tick, it's like you would listen to it and be like, oh my God.

And they would come down at night sometimes, like into the house.

And she has three cats.

So these cats are constantly attacking rats.

And you're like,

like screaming and shit.

Three was not enough.

And then they would, they.

Charlie's answer is to put more cats in the wall.

And then the whole apartment is just

a little castle wall.

Cathol wall.

Now you speak my language.

Oh, that show.

They had

the exterminator put these pellets out that I guess the rats would eat and it would make them bloat and explode.

So then the whole place smells like dead rats.

Oh my God.

They're just disgusting.

Certain animals, like I don't want to see die.

But like vermin like that, I don't care.

Just kill them.

Really?

Yeah, just kill them to to get them out of your house.

If you have a soft spot for animals, like even an insect will make them cry.

I will almost always, unless it's one of those silverfish, I can't stand them.

They're like the thousand-legger things.

Those I will kill.

But if I see a spider or something, I'll catch it and I'll put it outside.

Turn about a mosquito.

Mosquito, nah, kill a mosquito.

Yeah, really.

Shut up, mosquito.

Don't give a shit about a fly.

Animal lovers that are just like, they won't even kill a mosquito.

Right.

Well, you know what, animal lovers?

How about you let a bunch of ticks go all over you and don't kill them either and then succumb to Lyme disease, you morons.

Because like they're parasites.

They're parasites.

They're looking to feed off of you.

They're still alive, though.

I mean, aren't they parasites?

I mean, personally speaking, absolutely.

It's the only way I can live my life.

But yeah,

like a tick or something that's like just feeding off of you.

No.

You got to kill those things.

They're just, they spread disease, and so do rats.

We are in the food chain.

I mean, we are part of

a ruining.

We're at the top of it, bitch.

Are we?

Depending on the market.

You're at the top of the food chain, bro.

I don't know.

Lock me in the cage with a tiger or something.

I don't know if I'm going to come out of the bag.

Do you have weapons?

Well, that's.

Well, I don't know either way.

I don't care if you're a machine.

Maybe, but I don't know how to shoot one.

I would do my fast if you got a lion coming at you.

By the time he cocks it, it's just like his head's in his mouth and shit.

Yeah, because you see people who get, oh, they just cut this woman out of like this huge snake, this python.

And it's like, how did it get you?

Like, how are you walking around in the woods?

They were like slido, man.

They're fast.

I totally forgot it was.

We talked about

saving turtles the other day on a totally separate project.

And I completely forgot that there was a snapping turtle walking down the middle of the street right in front of my house.

And he was big, and I was like, well, this is no good.

So let me go get him because he's going to get hit.

A turtle is something that you will save.

Turtle will save over a tick.

Just want to know what the cucking order is.

Right, right.

Most animals I will try to save.

I'm going to do it with you.

And it depends on the day.

Like many things.

Yeah, I'm like, fuck that turtle sit there watching

people swerving around.

I'm like, damn.

Maybe if I paint him black, cars won't see him.

That's not working.

Let me nail his little paws to the ground.

One time I did not see.

So I saved this snapping turtle.

I did not know turtles could move as fast as he moved when I was trying to catch him.

Like, this thing was

almost faster than I was.

Yeah, they're queer.

I used to catch him as a kid, and they're vicious.

They look like dinosaurs once.

Yes.

Yeah, he looked like a little dinosaur.

I had like this rubber-made box that I had to shoe him into.

Are you saying you're just a tad faster than a turtle?

Apparently.

Years ago.

Apparently.

I'm not at the top of the flu chain.

If I'm in a steel cage match with a snapping turtle, I'm probably going down.

He's definitely going to outlast me.

I think aerobically.

Silverfish might not last either.

Silverfish, look,

I could hyperventilate.

I do that

like that real quick draw of breath that like makes you a little lightheaded.

I can't stand silverfish.

One of the grossest things I ever saw in my life was one time Sage was brushing her teeth.

And so I give her like a cup of a fill of cup of water, and she takes a sip of water, she spits it out, and then she's looking at the cup.

She goes, What's that?

And it was one of those silverfish in the cup because they're always attracted to moisture.

I was like, I swear, I was like, I'm going to pass out.

And I don't, like, I'm like, I'm going to pass out.

Like, it's so disgusting.

I don't think the whistle is the issue.

Doc, tell me.

This testosterone stuff,

does it increase my resilience if I see a silverfish and feel a little lightheaded?

Oh my God, I hate them.

I hate them so much.

I mean,

I yelped when I saw a mouse, but I never thought that I might lose consciousness, though.

When I saw that, when I was like, she almost had a silverfish in her mouth, I was like, oh, no.

I felt really weird.

And I've had, like, I've walked into my house, and there's a different cat that shouldn't be in there.

And I'm like, what is going on here?

Yeah.

No, when I lived in the Highlands, there was like, there was this old, old cat, stick man, that he was missing teeth.

He was like, he had to be like 20 years old.

Like, he got caught in a tree one time and like the crook of a tree.

He's like, wow.

He's like,

I had to go like get a ladder, save him from there.

So like that kind of stuff, I'll save it.

Tortoise, I'll say it, turtle, whatever, snapping turtle.

One time I was on the turnpike, it was night, and there was a big snapping turtle going across, but there was like a, the barrier is there.

So I'm like, he's not going to make it.

But I'm looking behind me, there's like a hundred like rigs.

I'm like, I'm not getting killed

because the snapping turtle isn't going to be like, oh, thanks.

He's going to be like, oh, let's do this.

How do you guys know the difference between a turtle and a snapping turtle?

I wouldn't be able to do it.

No, you, there's no mistaking it.

Yeah, like a painted turtle or a box turtle.

It's just like a little guy who's like.

Aren't they like

laden with fucking disease turtles?

Like salmonella.

Well, yeah, I used gloves, though, on them, yeah, because I didn't want to.

I had a lot of turtles as a kid.

I never had problems, but you just got to wash your hands.

Really?

I mean,

is it worth it?

Like, does a turtle give you that much companionship that you could

when you've got no other friends?

You're just working on your whistle.

That's a snapping turtle.

There's just no mistaking between it and any other creature on Earth.

Really?

What's the difference between just like a garden turtle?

Okay, just look at that.

See the ridges and the dinosaur-like.

Okay, so it has ridges on the shell.

Yes, but a smooth shell won't be able to snap.

Plus, it's super aggressive.

It hisses at you and snaps at you.

This is like a little guy that you're talking about that you would find and drop him off the bottom.

Yeah, see, that looks like a Q turtle, and what Q just showed me looks like Gamera.

Right.

Yeah, yeah.

This is bringing back.

I think I'm being triggered when Pam let Timmy the turtle dig himself down two inches in zero-degree weather.

What's wrong with her?

Found her.

She doesn't know how to

take care of a turtle.

I mean, I don't think most people would.

Don't put him outside.

She couldn't hoard the internet.

She couldn't Google it.

Right, but why couldn't he dig himself down into the dirt in the house?

Like, his terrarium was like really little, too.

It was like probably only about, I don't know, 12 by, it was like a weird shape, but if it were squared off, it would be like maybe 12 by like 8 inches and only,

I don't know, 5 inches deep at most.

Did she have remorse?

I don't think so.

Maybe she did it on purpose.

Yeah, she may have.

She's like, I don't want my boy getting salmonella.

And also, like, what if it gets bigger if he's scared of silverfish?

He's dead than if he's scared of a turtle.

Is that guy done, a guy who's like, womp, womp?

What channel was that on?

That was on Fox.

Right.

He wasn't on Fox.

That was on Fox News.

He was doing something.

But

I think he's a pundit that comes in.

Those paid pundits that doesn't have a regular show.

So he probably hasn't a regular job.

I can't imagine that he gets booked anymore.

I mean,

how heartless.

That's why people are like, he's a sociopath.

It's pretty crazy because

right now I'm just like.

Go on, what do you got?

No, I was going to say, speaking of sociopath.

No, go ahead.

Go keep going.

No, I was just going to say,

I do

believe we should have strong borders and rules to get into the country.

I do think it should be a criminal act to sneak in, but I also don't think they should be ripping children away from parents.

Here's the difficult part, though.

Like, if you commit a crime,

your kids never go with you.

I know.

I don't know the answer.

They keep saying cages.

Are they literally cages?

I think they are.

Because I know that they're being housed in Walmarts and stuff.

The Walmarts aren't the cages, right?

Because I do believe that most Walmarts just house animals.

I think it's like chain-link pens.

Okay.

It's like an internment camp type.

Either way, it's weird, man.

It is strange.

Like, you're allowed, if you seek asylum, I don't know enough about it.

That's how I don't know the rules.

I mean, somebody seeking asylum,

everything legal, I love.

You know what I mean?

Like, let people in legally, but when it gets to an illegal thing, that's when I start being like, well.

But if you're from, like, let's say you're from one of these Central American countries where, like, say, MS-13 is running the country, and you're like, I got to get out of here, and I got to get my kids out of here.

Like, it's completely understandable that by any means necessary, you're going to do it.

And then you get to the border.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, these are like, sorry, some of these are shithole countries.

That's just the way it is.

And any reasonable person is going to, especially with kids, is going to want to get out.

They're going to want to cross that border and fucking hope for the best.

Right.

So I get it.

Oh, yeah.

I'm not going to stop because someone on a third-rate podcast said, well, it's illegal.

You know what I mean?

no way i get it i would do the same thing no way plus plus is so insensitive he gives way south of the border

as presents to his friends

like we welcome your background this is a great segue um

me and get him

our follow-up to elephants in the room was oddly enough our next project was the

preparing

a personality profile quiz.

Okay.

That was our follow-up production.

You know, because I say, because you take for granted, like, when you hear, like, these professors or these doctors with all their degrees and everything and doctorates, they come up with a quiz to, like, to, like, profile people.

And you take for granted that they know what they're talking about.

You just say, oh, yeah, well, these, these are the set questions you should ask.

Yeah.

Right?

Yeah.

You just, but I don't even, like, you just don't even

figured it out.

Right.

Is giving it to me.

But I feel that me and Ganem, we've been in rooms with people who are super powerful.

Yeah.

Like who?

Jenny Smith.

Okay.

Dean Kane.

But we've also been in the room.

On screen anyway.

We've also been in rooms with people who have absolutely no power.

Like themselves.

I feel like I'm in the room.

Gaten, come over here.

So we came up with eight questions that we think can.

Okay.

So you want to turn it into another televised game show?

No, no, it's not even a game show.

Oh, this is just for fun.

No, no, it's not even for fun.

I think it could be used.

Are we going to do it right now?

Yeah, it's only eight simple questions.

Let me throw a mic up for them.

It's a personality quiz that we came up with questions that we feel can sum up a person.

And you have

like different variations of how people answer will lead to different personalities.

Yeah, we need to come up with the different personalities and what the factors go into determine who is which personality.

Yeah.

Okay, so you guys put a lot of thought into this.

So if you're tired of all those scientifically based personality tests, this is for you.

But why, you know, I'm saying, like, you just.

Why not, you guys?

I agree.

I totally agree.

I'm not disagreeing.

I'm just laying out the table for the audience right now.

That's all.

No, I'm not saying you are disagreeing, but like, I always, I always, it always annoys me that we just automatically assume just because a doctor says

this is an accurate way to profile somebody, we automatically just believe it because he says he's a doctor.

But

who's he been in contact with that we should just,

you know, like how many people has he come into contact with?

He's only been in a room with other doctors.

Sure.

And

the and probably some really, like, some real head cases.

Well,

I mean, presumably.

You've been in a room with Kevin Smith.

I mean, come on.

To like an accredited college and following an accredited course.

Well, I got it.

I got my partner

in this house.

He hasn't drove by a college.

No.

He's been to college and he has 148 148 IQ, though.

Right.

Sure.

So I think that

us as a team can come up with a series of questions that can come close to a real doctor's findings.

Okay.

Quote unquote.

If not, surpass it.

So you too.

I can't wait.

But what type of, like, are you going to, could you tell us the types of personalities that you're assigning?

With your answer, me and Gatum will get him will then tell you what kind of personality he thinks you have how many different types of personalities are the possibility what categories endless

well

so you've gone beyond the accept accepted like dsm

personality types and have developed some of your own that's all politics so eight questions lead to endless possibilities 148 told me and i believe me it's it's all about trying to put people in a shoebox all the time sure we're trying to pull people out of a shoebox for a while.

Aren't you the one who hates individuality more than anyone I've ever met?

Cosplaying, will you?

Standing out.

Did I?

Get in that shoebox, you son of a bitch.

But again,

148 has helped me see that

we're just constantly trying to put

people into boxes.

Yeah, like and so we can file them away and forget about them.

But that's not where people need to be.

Seems personal.

Seems oddly specific.

Now, it's taken like it's how long did we work in this?

About a month?

I would say, yeah, it sounds about right.

We would

strike questions

that we felt weren't giving us enough information about a person.

So now we feel we've got the final eight answers.

Do you have your questions?

Are we the first test?

There's other people that have taken that.

My daughter's

taking the quiz.

They're perfect people, you said, right?

My daughter got off the charts.

Like

awesome.

Like unbelievable.

I told her I couldn't have been more proud of her after she took the test.

She's right.

Fuck yeah.

Got to take a point off.

All right.

So you both, I mean,

it's unorthodox to take it two people at one time because I feel both of you guys will try to influence each other's answers or be.

Should we write them down?

Well, it's too long, probably, but I feel that you'll be also,

what's it called, when you're influenced by each other's answers.

You know, you won't be

as it won't, so it may not be as accurate as other people we've given the test to.

Okay.

But I feel also that you guys will play for each other, trying to make each other laugh.

Personality douchebags.

Why have a rubber stamp that says douchebag?

Why is it on my face?

All right.

So for the first question, is when I I say the initials MJ,

who or what is the first thing you think of?

Michael Jackson.

Hmm.

Brian.

I thought of that pizza place that you go to.

Of a pizza place.

Yeah, that pizza place on the highway that you go to.

So obviously Q's fascinated with fame.

Yeah.

Someone's fascinated with food.

Well, I don't know the pizza place.

Wait, no, your answer wasn't wrong.

It was either that or Mary Jane from Spider-Man.

It was one of the two.

Oh,

okay.

You see, this is true.

But you can see the possibility, the endless possibilities of the very first question, right?

We're trying to weed out people who say marijuana.

Okay, yes, got you.

We're trying to weed out.

That didn't even pop my mind if that makes sense.

It shows you have an addictive personality, then.

Right.

Okay, got it.

I understand.

If you think of marriage.

Okay.

It's a gateway drop.

Okay.

You guys took the Hippocratic oath, I'm sure.

Before all else caused no harm.

But also, like, Michael Jackson

is definitely something that, like, you're a potential child molester.

You're kind of like, no.

That doesn't mean the person, if they say Michael Jackson, is not.

In fact, it's disproven in the court of law.

Was it?

Was it disproven?

Got a raw deal?

Yeah.

Well, after 20 million was spent.

140 and I have have, when the person that answers Michael Jackson, we kind of think that they are

they value celebrity okay a little bit and i think that's accurate you know what if i had said mary jane from spider-man nerd nerd yeah okay you know kind of withdrawn kind of like you know to himself it's just odd that my first and second answers are so polar optical i was gonna say and they were like on the heels of each other but okay

see that's there's so many endless choices in your mind you're like which one should i choose yeah and then you chose the one that i'm i'm really surprised these n js that's on route 35 in middleton on 35 yeah that's where that's where like on your birthday and then like it got everyone nervous that there was somebody watching you well what does it say about him that he picked the pizza boys uh

he has low self-esteem yeah

finds comfort in food like I needed that question just because he doesn't maybe I'm a doctor too he doesn't think grandiose right he's very unimaginative you know it's kind of like he just sticks to his the things he knows and he's unwilling to just order I'm just peeking out of my shoebox once in a while like this is where I belong.

Why would anyone leave a shoebox?

Grab that slice of pizza.

There it is.

Come scurry on back.

Like a rodent.

The pizza can represent a hug.

And he's eating the pizza because he wants a hug.

So

low self-esteem.

Just

for the sake of clarification, aside from secretly paying for Walt's birthday dinner, I've never been to MJ's.

I've passed it many times.

But it's the first thing that your mind goes to.

so it said I have low self-esteem, not that my friend came to mind immediately.

Okay.

Well, you're so far I'm with you.

You don't feel you deserve to think of something better than something you already know.

Okay, I'd say that's accurate.

What was your daughter's answer?

My daughter's answer was Michael Jordan.

Michael Jordan.

I kind of fed it to her.

The exact thing that you don't want us to know.

All right.

You're a winner.

All right.

Let's move on.

All right.

So you got the gist of it?

There's only now there's seven more questions.

I don't know.

Want the next one?

I'm going to read it.

I want you to analyze it more because I feel 148 is that your

strength.

My forte.

Yeah.

When you see

a small person, like a dwarf,

are you more inclined to A, have parental thoughts, or B, thoughts of domination and superiority?

But neither.

Neither of those would have been a matter of option.

There's no way

on earth if you see.

I just had this conversation with somebody the other day.

I was at Lowe's and I saw a dwarf walking in, like

just dressed regular,

going into Lowe's like anyone else.

Regular?

How are they supposed to dress?

You know, like in your mind, how are they supposed to dress?

A dwarf?

You know, like, like they're going into the mines, like in Snow White with with the hat and all that stuff.

No, I was just like, I said to her, I was like, you can't not notice a little guy or a little lady.

You automatically notice.

And what I always think, even if the person isn't technically a dwarf or a midget, I always feel like, I'm glad I'm not short like that.

I'm glad I'm not.

It's an honest answer.

Yeah, it is.

Like that little, or even like

JSA short, say.

Yeah.

You know?

Grotesquely short.

Grotesquely short.

He didn't try try to deflect it like a Q did that Q one.

Didn't want to answer.

Yeah.

I'll answer.

I mean, but he didn't.

Now he'll answer.

He didn't take one of the two choices.

No, it would be the second one.

It would be superiority.

Yeah, superiority.

Not like I'm so much better than you, but it's like, I'm glad I'm not.

I don't have that height problem.

I think it's like

with myself at low self-esteem.

I have to go paternal then because I'm always like, oh man, I hope they're not happy.

But not like in like, oh, they remind me of a child.

I hope that

nobody's busting

their balls and making their life life harder.

Well, I mean, well, I think that is, that's definitely would be more towards feelings of parental and nurturing.

Nurturing, I would say, I wouldn't say parental.

Same thing.

Really?

Okay, sure.

A parent doesn't nurture?

He successfully fed his daughter's answers to make her an awesome person.

Now you're going to argue.

You're absolutely right.

Let's be seen at this table some parents don't nurture.

Right.

Well, I did not expect, I expected him to have nurturing feelings, though.

It was a curveball that you went with superiority.

All right.

I can dominate a midget.

Let's do this, boy.

All right.

What does that mean?

Well, it's a sum total, right?

Oh, yeah.

At the end, get him all.

Well, what did your daughter say?

I guess it doesn't matter because you found out the answers.

No, no, no.

She tried to also go with neither, and I told her neither is not an acceptable answer.

And then she said, well, I don't feel like I dominate

superior to him, so I'll have to go with

parental, but because I'm not a parent, though, so how could I be, how could I have those feelings yet?

And I was just like,

You will.

So we won't.

She will.

Yeah, I think you want Greg.

All right.

This one's interesting.

This next question.

You're at a table with a scrumptious, warm, delicious-looking pie, and you cut it, you cut yourself a slice.

What is that pie filled with?

Oh, man, probably.

I'm going to go with Apple, but I would also say cherry, but I'll go with Apple.

Traditional.

Thinking back to Thanksgiving.

My favorite pie.

Yeah, I mean, I have to agree.

He's a Patriot.

Mine would have gone to Apple as well.

That's

or hair pie.

But I know that's not real.

I feel there's a lack of imagination here.

Whatever Q says, that's my answer.

So I've got a positive result, and we just decided to join the bandwagon.

How would it be taken too long if we wrote down our answer separately?

I don't understand.

Yeah, that's true.

We would have wrote apple pie.

It would have taken two seconds, and there would have been no cross-contamination.

Yeah, I have no imagination, and I'm a commie.

He saw the

writing on the wall thing.

He saw the positive reaction through that.

Oh, yeah.

He's nurturing.

He thought of Michael Jackson.

What am I doing wrong?

All right.

See, I thought for sure that, like,

and I'm sure other people will, but there'll be people who will fill that pie with non-traditional fillings.

So that's what we're looking for.

At first, I thought of maggots and feces.

Devious.

You're looking for deviants.

Yeah, like,

I'm waiting to find that person that says razor blades.

Right.

I'm waiting for that person person that says snakes.

So you could have given a figure, because that's my first thought was maggots and feces because

I thought it would be funny.

It was an apple.

You should just write down your first thing.

Yeah, then you should be right here to be a more honest, accurate pro.

Right, this is the results are going to be skewed because you're not answering.

Be honest, don't you?

Well, my first two are honest.

That one was

more, I wasn't thinking unilaterally.

Never have.

Yeah, I know.

Why should I I start now?

So maggots and feces.

But even then, we couldn't trust his answers because he said he's just trying to play to the crown.

Yeah, he's trying to please.

He's performing.

Maggots and feces.

Did you hear what I said?

That's funny, right?

I threw the doctors for a loop.

People like scat, right?

I'm Scatman Johnson.

Scat.

Still a viable entry to the music.

Scat music.

How have they not changed the side of the scat bus, which is like senior citizen

transportation?

The crap is scat anymore, though.

Yeah, but you don't think that every time you see the bus, you're like,

anything you say, anything he says, he's distant.

Goes back to the band.

The first thing he thinks of when he sees the scat bus is shit.

Yeah.

This is more of a.

This is the same man who peed on toilet paper in a public breastroom.

You know what?

I thought of doing that again recently.

Just as I was like, how fucking funny does that be?

I mean,

patient zero.

I have my doubts, but we can.

But this is patient zero right now.

We don't talk about this fucking

series.

At least a case study.

In our midst.

All right.

Hiding in plain sight?

Not even hiding.

Broadcasting in the literal sense of the word.

It's your own faults for not listening.

Question four.

Of these three cars, which one is the most appropriate to describe your life at this point?

A, a car with no windows.

B, a car with no radio.

Or C, a car with no seats?

Hmm.

Okay.

I got it.

Did you write it down, Brian?

Mm-hmm.

All right, let's see cues first.

No radio.

No radio.

No radio.

No radio.

So he's not looking for external entertainment.

He's entertaining himself.

And plus, I don't think he has a

it shows that

he feels he doesn't deserve entertainment, the pleasure of the.

Well, that's not why I picked it at all.

I picked it because I'm not going to ask you.

It's not what you're thinking about.

It's your subconscious.

Like, if I could put in a radio, I'll put it in, but I don't think I have a shot.

I love a radio.

I deserve a radio.

I think I'm just being driven around,

and it's all just dropping.

You're kind of adult.

You're marching to someone else's tune.

So why would you have a radio?

Why would you have a radio?

It's a dull, but we theorize.

I feel like I deserve a radio.

To be clear.

People who choose no radio are depriving themselves of the pleasures of music.

Yeah, I don't think it's me depriving me of it.

Which means, in essence, music means you're depriving yourself of joy in some sense.

Well, I don't think I'm depriving myself of joy.

Yes.

Again, it's someone else's turn.

But ultimately, you're saying that the choice is his.

He could walk away from anything at any moment and be like, and then crank that radio up.

Yeah, you could.

Correct.

But, you know, some people, it's a lot easier said than done.

A lot of people just can't walk away from their issues.

Some of us have contracts.

And I find it shows he's trying not to impose himself on others, like, you know, those people who just blast the radio.

Okay.

Yeah.

You know,

and that would possibly offend others.

He's trying to stay on the.

Thanks, pal.

Yeah.

path.

He just say you were playing gravediggers on the way down here today.

That might offend a person or two.

But you're thinking too literally of a radio.

Radio represents

other things in your life that you enjoy, and you're not allowing yourself to enjoy them to the fullest.

Okay.

I feel like I might need to pick all three then.

All right.

So again, the potential answers were a car with no

windows, a car with no radio, and a car with no seats.

What did Brian Johnson write down?

I picked seats, and I will defer to you guys to tell me why.

You feel like you're carrying people, and you want to let go of that burden.

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

All right.

That's not the reason, but.

Well, that's not what you think.

No, no, that's not the reason that I picked seats, but

the condition is.

It's subconsciously the reason.

If you would give me a second, doctors, it's not the reason reason I picked it, but it's not entirely inaccurate.

Well, I mean, I feel

like

you also don't have control

of your entire life.

You feel at times you don't have, so that you can't even sit down and enjoy the ride because you're worried about other things.

That's more accurate.

You're in a state of

unsettled.

That's what I thought it was unsettled.

But he said something totally different.

You're in a case.

You're going to give me both, but 148 has his own theories, and so do I.

But you're both stating them as if they're facts.

They are.

They are facts.

It took a month.

You're in a state of

uncomfortability.

You're not willing, and you don't feel you deserve.

I think the word is discomfort, 148.

Just saying, Dr.

148.

Why do you think you chose no seats?

Because closer to what you said, I feel very unsettled all the time.

Like, I don't feel I can ever relax.

Like, I don't know how to do that.

And

I don't feel like life is

within my

exactly.

He's just trying to refrain changing the word.

No, no, no.

I agree with you.

I agree with you.

But lightening the load, yeah, like sometimes I think of that too.

I'm overly agreeing.

Yeah, whatever you guys think.

What medicine do you have for me?

Can I take it now?

What's your prescription?

We cannot prescribe anything

other than

maybe some one-on-one counseling.

Maybe some listeners.

Oh, my God.

Right?

One-on-one counseling with us?

There's a lawsuit you want to invite.

Sadly, all our prescriptions can be found at tellhamstevedave.com.

I'll tell you what, man.

Like, I've been to summer shrinks, and I don't think you guys would do worse.

That's true.

All right.

Question five.

Complete the lyrics to the chorus of this song.

We are the world, we are the children, we are the ones who

blank.

Don't think, just write.

No, no, let them think.

I'm trying to remember the lyrics of the song.

Yeah.

I'm trying to, but I don't remember them.

Well, you can, but this is an opportunity for you to put your own lyrics in and make your own song.

Right, but it's got to rhyme with children.

Okay, you're getting.

My shoebox, Q.

We are

We are the ones who blank.

Now, do you remember the song?

It's a pretty famous song.

I remember the song I don't remember Levix.

Why do you think I have the vinyl?

I have the vinyl for that.

I found it recently.

Why do you think the world's recording artists haven't gotten together and made another We Are the World?

Especially now in this part of the world.

That shit was so lame and gay.

It's such a preachy,

sanctimonious song, and the whole world is preachy and sanctimonious now, so there's no need

for that song to come out now.

You're getting all that, right?

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, the lyrics are on Twitter.

Yeah, without a doubt.

Are you guys finished?

I wrote it down.

All right, let's.

Okay, so I'm going to start it, and then you finish it.

You ready?

Yep.

We are

the world.

We are the children.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

I see a pencil and pen moving over there.

No, I just misspelled something.

We are the ones who drag you down.

Wow.

Oh my god.

Is that it?

That's all you wrote?

Okay.

That's it.

I mean, I could add a womp womp on the end of it, but

I'll go drag you down.

What do you say to that?

I think it's being influenced by your previous discussion

with the children getting taken away.

No, it actually didn't have anything to do with that.

Yeah, that's what you say up front, but deep down.

Fair enough.

Fair enough.

Well, Q, you don't want kids.

So you're saying that

you're in a position now where it's like people are like, oh, he must do whatever he wants, which couldn't be more opposite from the truth.

No.

So now throw a kid.

I'm throwing a radio in my car.

Throw a kid into the mix.

Yeah.

And you're toast.

You're done.

I'm done.

But you have seats, which you could put a child's seat in.

I don't want to explain it.

But again, you're.

148.

What are you doing here?

You're losing sight of the quiz, though.

Children don't menace.

It's not his children.

It's all of us, all of us own the world, and he doesn't care.

You're his child.

It's a self-centered answer, right?

Yeah, I think so.

It's true.

I agree.

On camera.

I don't think you've ever denied that.

Yeah, I don't

embraced it almost.

Over the last seven years have taught us.

But I find it.

I don't have time for your problems.

It's almost the opposite of.

I don't got time for mine.

What chance do yours have?

Antonio, what do you want from me?

How much more do I have to give?

I find it conflicts with his dwarf answer.

He wasn't a dwarf answer.

He was scrambling.

He was.

No, come on.

He was tap dancing.

Well, dwarves aren't children.

By definition.

They are.

Some are.

Right.

Some are at points in their lives.

They're dwarves, not Benjamin Button.

And again, we say none of the things that we come up with are meant to make you feel defensive or...

Nothing makes me feel anything, so don't worry about it.

Or feel bad about yourself.

You tried cutting, it didn't work.

And you say

cutting didn't work.

It didn't work.

The go-to for everybody.

There's nothing.

Got some blood on my cup.

It was more annoying than I had to clean it up.

Seltzer water.

You feel that what we've...

It's an accurate description of your answer, though.

Yeah, so far.

All right.

So, Brian Johnson,

Mallory, I'll start it and you finish it.

We are the world, we are the children, we are the ones who lecture everyone on how to live their lives and what they can't say.

That's the first time he's used humor to make that statement

without sweating for him saying it.

Without almost having a stroke.

He's got veins bombing out of his forehead.

Oh, I'm sorry, 20-year-old.

Do tell me.

Educate me, please.

You're so wise.

How was high school graduation?

Was it fun last week?

I told you, this is indicative of all the right-wing media he listens to.

And it's definitely the

son has become

the father.

Well done, 1.8.

Just more towards the disability.

Wait, is this about you guys or about me, Edgar?

I feel it

not that like he thought he was writing it to be clever, but nothing could be more

accurate of insight into hate.

It's automatic writing.

It's fever.

It goes right past his brain from his subconscious to his pain.

Write down fever.

And then write TM after that.

I'll tell you what, going to that show last night gave me hope because Romano and Attel were making some jokes, and Jim, of course, were making some jokes.

And I was like, wow,

that shit's flying.

And in a room full of people, it flew.

People were not offended.

Although, did you hear Nick DiPaolo got punched?

Punched in the face.

Somebody punched, some girl punched Nick DiPaulo, a comedian, because

yeah, the father, I guess the father came up to after the show, like he takes pictures of people, and some guy came up and he's like, I love the show, but my daughter wants to punch you in the face, and almost immediately she clocked him and like hit him right underneath.

Big, big shiner, which is like, you gotta hand it to him.

I'm gonna go to a comedy show.

Just leave.

Why do you go to a comedy show?

Because comedy, I think people who want to silence

you know, comedians and people who have opinions that they don't like, they really aren't, they don't have a sense of humor.

So don't go to a comedy show.

Don't Don't go to a comedy show.

Go on Twitter.

Just go on Twitter and say the things back to people that they're saying to you.

Yeah, just go into your echo chamber.

Don't go into a place where you're going to hear some jokes that you may disagree with because you're only going to upset yourself.

Yeah.

You're getting her arrested, right?

To a point.

Well, yeah, he filed a report and stuff, as he should.

Like, what's the world turning into where you can just punch people who, like, you wouldn't.

Punch people who are more famous than you.

You would definitely, like, like, what if you're at a Joker show and somebody doesn't like a joke that you made, and then, like, they get popped.

Some of your blue humor, I want to get up there and shoot it.

Like, in the middle of the show.

Security wouldn't allow him to cost the game.

I don't blame you.

He promised me a clean show.

Boy, I owe you.

Pass charges.

Question number six.

We're almost done here.

It would be the most surreal moment of your life.

You see Walt climbing onto the stage.

That would be so awesome.

I'm like,

I hope somebody's recording isn't going to happen.

If you could recreate or reimagine the fishing pole,

what thing would your pole catch?

Got it.

All right, don't say yours first because I want to give this a little thought.

What would my fishing pole catch?

It's got to come first thing that comes to your mind.

Okay.

Because I got it.

You're right.

Well, it doesn't necessarily have to be everything.

But it helps.

Because the first thing is always

they're going to try to.

Not him, but most people will try to.

What's the answer they're looking for?

Still writing.

Wow.

The census is about me.

Yeah, I do feel.

It's a solid.

Well, in all fairness to myself, I did ask Walt when he told me about this.

I was like, it's designed to make me look fucking crazy, right?

He's like, oh, no.

But since it's so

fluid, you think that anything you say can be used against you.

In all honesty, do you believe these questions were designed with you in mind?

These questions are designed for the entire human race, from somebody in America to somebody in some little Peruvian village that has never even seen a TV.

Right.

No, no, no, I don't think they're designed.

I think the interpretations are designed about me

on the spot.

Paranoia.

thinks everything's about him.

All right, Q.

What is your new fishing pole catch?

Money.

Straight up money.

Clean out the window.

Money pole.

Cast it.

Pulling a couple of Benjamins.

I feel like that fishing pole is called a practical joker.

Once a week it's cast on True TV.

See, he said Benjamin.

That's more like a fishing trawler.

Just spooking up anything, all kinds of things.

Get him, I know you've never seen one before, but he's on the $100 bill.

I'm a cashier, you know.

I know.

They may not be in my pocket, but I've seen them.

148, don't let the patient goad you.

You fell into my trap.

You see it?

I'm just correcting him.

You know, I've seen many doctors go down the path of having an intimate relationship with their patients, and they are really

going down the path.

They're like Harley Quinn, I'm the Joker.

You don't want to lose your license, do you?

What do you think the money answer represents?

I think he's trying to shuck and jibe a little, you know, trying to go back to his taxes, his normal taxes humor.

Like, oh, I want money, I need money, the government's taking my money.

Well, true.

I do want money, I do need money, and the government is taking my money.

The second I get home, that's becoming my new ringtone.

Do you feel money may not be literally money, though?

Well, they say money can't buy happiness, so.

I can dissuade you on both those.

It is literal.

It is literal, and it can buy you happiness.

That's just what they tell you so that when you don't make money, you don't.

Every time you look at your checkbook, you start whistling.

Well, no, it's just a

you may be able to rent happiness, but you can't buy it.

That is fucking poetic.

It would have been if the Craigslist personals were still up.

Sorry, get them.

You can't rent it anymore either.

There's a giant thing about not worrying about money.

I think that will remove a lot of stress from my life when I'm in the middle of the day.

So that,

by your rationale, cue, though, that means every rich person on earth is completely and utterly happy and has no misery, sadness, or depression.

No, that's not true.

I think that they don't have a stress that, but they get more stress.

But I'd rather have the stress of having money than not having money.

I've been broke.

They say no money is more problems.

That is true.

Is that true?

Is that accurate?

Oh, that's so accurate.

Way more problems.

Well, because you have to do so much to earn that money.

It's not just about a regular nine to five for you.

It's every two seconds.

I was really surprised you were going to Murray's thing on Friday because

you have such small amounts of time that like.

I know, but you've got to support your brother.

Yeah.

Plus, I'm excited for him.

I am excited for him.

I think it's going to be cool.

Yeah.

Okay, so are we in agreement that does money literally mean money?

I think it's this.

I promise you it means literally money.

If I could have wrote a dollar sign, I should have.

I know he's

being pretty defensive, so it might just be an allegory almost.

Ooh, I like that.

What's in an allegory?

Tell him.

148.

Say parallel, 148.

Just say parallel.

You'll be all right.

What is it?

Do you know?

All right, let's just move on.

You don't know what it means?

Like, if my regular doctor didn't know what the word allegory meant, I'd be like, I'm out.

Sorry, I'm out.

Okay, cool.

148.

All right, what was your answer, Brian?

Oh, you kissed me.

A month you worked on this, eh?

I never authorized you to say words that you didn't know what it means, though.

There's a strict list of words you were to adhere to.

I haven't gotten that far on my calendar yet.

Brian, what's your fishing pole catch?

My fishing pole would catch catch ultra lefties so that I could take the kids at the border out of the cages and throw them in.

Well, that's sweet and sour, isn't it?

A little bit.

Yeah.

What do you

sum up that answer?

I think he's still shucking and jibbing a little.

What are you talking about?

Approval with the last one.

Yeah.

I feel it's an allegory.

He went right and he just keep going right because he thinks that's the what.

No, that's how I really feel, good.

Do you think I'm tap dancing for you no not for me

I feel that any answer but who I represent other than the one that is this is the only answer I feel that only question that has one correct answer any other answer is either

shows a level of narcissism because you feel you can fucking improve upon the greatest invention man has ever created the fishing pole yes

sustains life I mean what more what better invention has come down the pike since the fishing pole?

The slaughterhouse, I guess.

To make burgers and shit.

But it goes back to Biblical.

If you teach a man to fish.

Whatever it is.

Yeah, 148.

Whatever it is George Washington Carver invented to make peanut butter, because I like that more than I like the fish.

Air conditioning.

Penicillin.

In fact, the fishing pole is one of the worst inventions when I think about it.

You don't need a fishing pole.

A net will do it better.

Or a spear.

Yeah.

Like, if you really want to get manly about it.

And then you got to deal with refraction.

Sure.

But the.

If I go fishing, I have to deal with boredom.

I went fishing a couple of times with Edgar.

It wasn't fun.

I never caught a fish ever, and it just took so long, it took so long to not catch a fish.

You got to have bait on your hook, you know.

We had bait, but we had worms.

My daughter gave the answer that I was looking for.

I didn't lead her to it, and it just blew my mind and made it.

It almost made me well up.

Was it the same as my answer?

She said her pole would catch fish because

and I was like,

it's amazing that you said that.

I said because it shows you don't have no like visions of grandiose.

You realize that you can't improve on something.

But hasn't the fishing

pollution?

Yeah.

Yeah, earlier it's like

you're in a shoebox.

He's got no imagination.

You can't improve on something.

That's a bad thing.

Anything.

Yeah.

You can't approve on anything.

Otherwise, it's like, yeah.

There's some people who can.

Are we going to deny that?

No, but I wouldn't want to say that.

I'm so proud that you're staying in your lane, Alicia.

Look at that adorable status quo.

I think it shows tremendous insight that you realize there are some things that can't be perfect.

But fishing poles are approved on all the time.

Like fishing pole, like the first fishing pole was not made of like five.

Are they more straight?

With a real.

Maybe.

I don't know.

I don't go fishing.

You guys didn't say improve the design of it.

You said what it would catch, its purpose.

Right, yes.

So that has nothing to do with the design of it.

There's many different designs for fishing polls.

You're just saying what it catches.

You think catching money is less helpful than catching fish?

I did way more money.

Yeah.

I would buy your pole.

If you're

stranded on a desert island, all your fucking millions, Q.

Yeah.

You didn't think of that, did you?

Do I own the islands?

I mean,

take it off.

Right.

It's just you

and all your suitcases full of millions.

It's you and Lovey on the island, Thurston.

You know, with no professor, no skipper, no Gilligan.

How much would you give to buy a fishing pole then?

But who would you give it to?

Why did you have any of those suitcases?

I guess you're right.

When you're right, you're right.

Alicia was right.

Through blister blips.

Hold that $10,000 over the water.

The fish ain't coming and giving himself to you.

You need a pole.

I didn't want to sleep.

So you're stupid.

But you're right, I learned my lesson.

So you're dehydrated on this island, too.

Wow.

All right.

I learned the lesson.

You can't buy water.

But

you can get water from that fish, though, right?

You can drink water from that fish.

Yes, salt water.

So have a nice glass of brine with your fish.

Make a soup.

Well, fish oil.

No, but wait, like when you cut open a fish, you can drink the blood, right?

Yeah, it's like a cactus.

Sounds awesome.

Are you going to live?

Do you want to live?

Not really.

Not under those surfaces.

I mean, that's blistered lips.

You get water from the lips.

Yes.

Tell them, please.

You get water from the flesh as well.

Got it.

Okay, thank you.

But isn't it salty?

I mean, you're catching, if you're on an island, you're probably catching saltwater fish, and it's going to dehydrate your

make your lips blister more.

Have you ever eaten tuna?

There's saltwater fish.

Right, yeah, but I also have fresh water with me.

I'm not in an island surrounding.

Sorry, I'm sorry.

Well, we both

not thought of it that way.

148, you're right.

I now see the allegory and whatever other bug words you'd like to drop.

All right.

Next to last question:

Are you the type of person who would rather spay things or neuter them?

I guess neuter.

I guess neuter.

Isn't it the same thing, just different sex?

Yeah.

I'd probably rather have boy cats than girl.

But I don't know.

My girl cat's pretty awesome.

Let me write it down.

It's about emasculation.

Trying y'all.

We know that.

Yeah.

Blue shit, Doc.

Yeah.

All right.

Did you write his down?

I did write his down.

I said spay.

I'm going to stick with spay.

So now he should eat a spay?

Spay.

Wait, male cat.

Neuter.

Neuter.

Neuter.

Sorry.

Neuter.

Neuter.

Yes.

Final answer at that.

Final answer is neuter.

Okay, now

I'm going to let 148 take this because

this is a bomb show.

No, not really.

Because speaking as a eunuch,

he feels emasculated.

No,

he likes to dole out

emasculation.

Well, so he can feel like he's the man's man

by making no one else a man.

So, especially

some of the things he said to you, right?

Yeah.

But I think it's.

I think he would be a little harsher in his assessment since that's what happened.

But I think subconsciously he feels emasculated himself.

Oh, I don't know.

I disagree one point.

I know it's a good idea.

This is interesting.

It's a peg.

It's okay okay for two different.

Is it?

This is foolproof test.

That will challenge any test

ever.

All right.

But, I mean, I think, again,

he

is unwilling to look at it from without

prefacing it with a feline.

He knows full well we're not talking about cats.

But maybe he's talking about pussy.

Yeah.

Not cats.

I mean, or maybe I'm talking about the only situation in my life where I've had to spay and neuter a creature and referencing that.

I think it...

Also most of the world.

I think it also shows that he wants sexual freedom

because

if he's neutered, then he can't get someone pregnant.

So.

So you're saying he wants to be neutered?

I think, in a sense.

He wants to be neutered and neuter everyone else.

He doesn't want children.

I think he hates balls so much.

So it's like a secret desire to castrate himself.

No, not castrate.

No?

Neuter.

What about chemical castration?

Yeah, like a sex offender.

Oh, that's an option.

Get him pulling out a syringe.

I think it goes.

Wallflane and somebody offer chemical castrations.

I would pay for that billboard.

With a fake number, I would pay for that billboard.

Those guys just back-to-back a doctor's suit.

I think it's like

chemical castrations.

You're a one-stop shop.

I think it also points to one of them.

In and out.

LOL.

I think it points to one of his deepest, darkest fears.

Having to having something.

Yeah.

Okay.

Other than cuts.

I think you're on to something here, 148.

Different from your first thing.

Some would say polar.

All right.

Now you're...

Now we only got one question left.

Well, he didn't.

I know, I know, but I want to, but you are taking notes to give them their summary of their

at the end, okay?

A yellow post-a-pad.

There's no official test.

Well, what else would it a real doctor be writing this stuff for?

A quote-unquote real doctor.

Yeah, at least a clipboard.

So a clipboard makes it more official for you?

Yeah, I think so.

I think a t-shirt with holes in it that he got for free in the store doesn't help.

Yeah, his work uniform with stains all over it.

Like if my doctor has stains all over him, I'm assuming he just came from surgery, not like, I'm ready for the day.

It's not French fry, you agree?

No, usually not.

He's not a short-order cook when he's not doctoring.

All right, Fry.

Are you the type of person who likes to spay or neuter things?

We all know.

Is this just going through the motions here?

We all know what he's going to write.

This is the man who dumped a soda on a woman's head.

All right.

I might shock you then because I said neuter.

Oh.

See, I don't believe that.

Without knowing the reason.

I know you.

I just know you.

I know the man for 40 some years.

I know that.

He likes keeping women down.

It all stems from the inability to whistle at them.

How am I going to get their attention?

I know.

I'll boss them around.

I mean, you've neutered, you've neutered personalities.

Right.

Yeah.

That's why I said neuter.

That's why I said neutral.

I mean, spade personalities, though.

Well, so you're saying gender-specific.

When I say neuter, I like to neutralize.

I like to take somebody who is talking a lot of shit, a hypocrite or whatever, and just neuter their argument.

Like, I like to shut people down, sorry,

really?

Yeah, that's what I meant by it.

Like, there's, I do take a certain enjoyment from a big-mouth

talking shit who doesn't have all the facts, and then just say one thing that they're like, and just neutralize their argument.

I'm

like, an attorney would.

I respect that.

I just speak because it shows that he's against censorship.

Because

if he was for spaying, he'd be against

the creation of new arguments.

He's just trying to eliminate current ones, but not prevent their future ones.

I don't mind conversations,

but conversations where the others, where people are just not listening, or

they're like, you should not be able to say how you feel about something.

I don't even want to hear your side of the argument.

That's how certain I am that I'm right.

I'm not certain that I thought that I'm, maybe I'm not understanding the question.

I thought this was about

weeding out people who

don't like

who have a bias for like a tendency to

against one sex or the other.

I thought that that was our agreement.

When did neutralizing conversation come up?

That's probably from the Latin root.

You know.

He's trying to

get a 2,000 years of its uses.

When language started.

Well, we didn't even consider that possibility, though.

That they would get all fucked up.

I'm like Hannibal Lecter.

It's like I'm off the charts with this shit.

I believe it's Latin, but yeah.

Whoa.

It's coming to you now.

Are you correcting?

Well, no, it's not Old English.

It's all Latin.

Are you collecting all its English?

But when I asked you,

when we went over this ad nauseum about this, about accepting this question, you never once brought up the possibility of them going with a definition of neutralizing.

Well, you can't think every possibility.

But what the hell?

I thought you just said there were endless possibilities.

Exactly.

So you can't think of every single one.

But we only came up with two.

We should have went for the third.

Endless always means have a third.

All right, so you're willing to accept that?

Come on, I know it's.

I think details are.

It's metaphorically cutting someone's balls off whether they're.

I don't think that is.

That answer is, though.

I'm like, oh, shut people down.

It's totally arrogant.

It's totally irogood.

It just adds to me.

I mean, come on, how pompous is that?

Look at the person.

I love it.

Free to be me, baby.

So you're writing all that down.

I was born this way.

Yeah.

All right.

Me and Lady Gaga.

A little monster over here.

Final question.

This is really going to bring it home, huh?

Oh, I think so.

I'm proud of this question.

This is one that I kind of came up with on my own.

I didn't have 148's input.

He argued against it.

Whoa.

He didn't want it included.

I got the final say.

Okay.

Because it's N son.

Yes.

Don't forget that.

Don't let me.

Don't text me at 3 o'clock in the morning.

Remind me.

Hey, when you wake up, remember, it's N son.

You're neither named nor his son.

Your life is a fishing pole.

Don't try to improve it.

You can be replaced by Alex.

All right.

Would you rather have all the flowers in the world

the color white or have all the food in the world taste like chocolate?

All the flowers in the world, either color white,

trying to imagine that world, or all food tastes like chocolate.

Good chocolate?

Or just my whatever I think is.

What kind of racist are you?

There's awful.

He's

trying to show off his, he's immediately thinks he solved the root of that question.

A race question.

He's still trying to understand the question.

No, not you.

What kind of racist are you?

Obviously, trying to make some sort of commentary on the question.

I see.

I didn't even think about that.

No?

No, but my answer is in.

I can't change it now.

Okay.

I was taking it literal.

All right.

We need to get them back to work.

So, real quick, what is your answer, Q?

Do you wrote yours down?

I wrote it down, yeah.

I would go all flowers.

All flowers be colorless.

Food is so delicious, and there's so many options.

It's not like I even see a lot of flowers in a day.

Is there any

regret on that decision?

Do you feel like you deprived the world of beauty

because of your self-white flowers?

Still quite beautiful.

But all of them?

I mean, all food tastes like chocolate, but if you don't like chocolate, which I don't.

Oh, you don't like chocolate?

I'm not even a chocolate guy.

And consider that.

Some people don't like chocolate.

Some people like chocolate.

The possibility.

We did it.

We like chocolate.

One of us likes it way more than the other.

Are you being honest with us that

you didn't see race come into it?

I did not see race into it.

I didn't even catch on to what he was saying until you pointed it out.

But it's because white is all colors put together.

I thought that was black.

No.

Black is the absence of color?

Think about it.

White light is made up of all the colors.

No, but I thought white was the absence of color and black is all colors.

Well, I'm 148.

White light is when you put it in in front of a.

We're not talking about light, we're talking about color.

Yes.

And it's made up of all the colors.

Can you imagine being in the doctor's office and like, this is the conversation you're having?

Roy G.

Bim.

You could have done this entire month and Google this.

But wait a minute.

Okay.

He didn't even think of neutralize.

He's not thinking of this.

I don't know that he did not see the street where we're taking him down.

I'm kind of.

I didn't, I swear.

I'm kind of stunned that he didn't.

It really shows.

He's woke AF.

I don't know if it's woke or just

fucking.

He's like a dullard?

Like my dumbass?

I like white.

I don't like chocolate.

Chocolate.

I don't like chocolate.

Give me a good juju beat.

Maybe some chuckles.

They used to call me chuckles in school.

I graduated when I was 23.

I'm allergic to chocolate.

Chocolate makes me itchy.

Well, I mean...

Cats can't eat chocolate.

I don't understand what's going on here because all I did was answer your question.

The question I was asked.

What the fuck?

Did you find the white versus black?

I usually just go to.

I'll keep looking.

I gave it up because I

can't get it.

He can't get altivista.

But, I mean,

does it show somebody who's not

thinking on their toes to not see the connotations of that question?

No, I'm not.

No, I wouldn't say that.

Like, Brian got it immediately.

But I'm saying, you're reducing humans to

white and chalk.

Why would I follow you down that path?

It's horrible.

Here's a man who saved lives, no matter the color.

You're right.

You're right.

And it probably in a fire, everybody looks black, Rick.

It's just like at the end of that movie Ball King.

It's a big problem, actually.

All right.

Shall we save this guy or not?

Brian, what did you write?

write?

I wrote flowers.

You two have chose flowers.

Yeah, I chose flowers.

And not because I want a lily white world,

but because I thought the same thing as Q where I'm like, well, not everyone likes chocolate, but really, who's impacted by just flowers being white?

It's not like suddenly people are going to dislike flowers.

I think a colorful bouquet is very nice.

It's pretty.

I like flowers.

I hardly ever get them.

But the people,

even if somebody loves flowers more than anything, they're like, I still got flowers.

But if everything tastes like chocolate and they don't like it, now suddenly.

Like, what if there's a guy like you?

Like, I know you like crunch bars, so you like chocolate, but a super smeller who doesn't, that's a problem.

It's a big problem.

So, your answer was

a fishing pole to catch a chocolate fish.

You were looking, you were thinking about all the other people in the world who will suffer because of an all-chocolate diet.

Yeah, it was more, it was more, yeah, then you got like, then all the chicks are going to be fat.

Fuck that.

I think it's awesome.

I'm still on this color then.

Get him.

I'm seeing both answers.

It seems like it's a big argument.

I'm going to say you're right and I'm wrong.

Why would you say that?

I hear that all the time.

Because I

choose more than you got to go there and see, and I got to get out of here.

I've got to be back on Staten Island in 48 minutes.

Let's give the evaluations here.

That was eight questions that I think sum up.

You could sum up any person on the planet with their answers.

What did you come up with with Q first?

I think Q is a caring person.

He

I think that's accurate.

Yes.

He tries to lift people up more.

All right.

What is this bullshit?

What?

I'm just talking about.

That's a real thing.

Keep talking about.

Keep going.

What answer did he get that he tries to help people up?

Lift them up.

Lift them up.

Lift them up.

Like

he's a gospel singer.

Emotionally, he tries to lift people up.

No, I think he tries to lift people up.

And that it goes back to when he was a fireman.

He's saving people.

He's lifting them up.

Oh, so you're talking literally?

He likes to lift people.

Like midgets.

And he's.

Just come on, just read this.

I don't care about the phone.

This is more important.

Go read it.

I'm trying.

You tell me not to read it.

Okay.

Keep going, asshole.

Doctor asshole.

That's fun.

Read it.

Read what you wrote.

He's got some OCD shit going on.

He's got to get the phone.

Here, you read it.

Where is it, right here?

Probably.

Why don't you have it on?

Hey, hung up.

Hey, hung up.

It's over.

Go ahead.

Keep reading it.

Well,

he's an entertainer.

Oh.

Oh, you figured that out from the quiz, huh?

Five-fast facts.

You need to know about Brian Quinton.

He lists people up.

He's an entertainer.

Can you do it?

So it's your only job.

That into defying allegory.

All right, so I don't even, I can't even read it.

The scribblings of...

No, it's not because I can't read it.

It's because he writes like a mental patient.

Is this one of those things where the test is really about like

the observer and not like...

All right, so what about Brian then?

Obviously,

an entertainer will list people up in Paris.

Is that not accurate?

You guys are right.

He has low self-esteem.

Okay.

He seeks the approvals of others.

Oh, yeah.

Seeks to entertain them.

The flowers alone because he says he wants to receive flowers, which, if you think about it, at the end of our performance, they give people flowers.

So that's what he's seeking.

And it shows in the way he is always trying to perform.

Yeah, I want to be an opera singer, so people throw roses to me at the end of the day.

I thought they said

it was about race.

race.

Who knows?

Who the fuck was that?

It was.

But he made it literally out wanting to get flowers.

But

it's based on what, when he explained it, it's what he said.

He goes, nobody ever gives me flowers.

I see.

So race has nothing to do with it.

No, it's in addition to it.

You drew out a statement that.

Well, what does it say, Carl?

It couldn't lead me down the path of calling black people chocolates.

Yeah, that's an odd.

I'd rethink that one, man.

It's very reductive.

But chocolate's going to also be every color.

There's white chocolate, there's dark chocolate, there's brown chocolate.

Yeah.

We were not.

Don't try to paint us in a figure.

No, I'm not putting you in a shoebox, boys.

Don't worry about that.

Yeah, get the hell out of me.

He blew this one as usual.

Did he, though?

I don't know.

He did.

I told him to be prepared for this at a moment's notice.

And as usual, no planning, no

notice.

no.

Just flying on the seat of his pants again, and it's always proven to be worked for him.

There you go, get him.

Thank you, Walt.

Get yourself another shirt.

It's a disgrace.

All right.

Since

the confusing thing is, can we just do a quick shout-out for our Kickstarter then?

Yes.

Oh, great idea.

Since this is coming out, I guess, today or tomorrow?

Stretch goals.

Stretch goals.

I need you to read Q because I I have no glasses.

Okay, so Walt and I and Cullen Bunn have a comic book on Kickstarter.

It's called Metro.

If you go to social media or our website, you'll find a link to it.

Kick Meteor.

It's a dark, dark.

Very dark book.

It may not be for the kiddies.

It's definitely, not may not.

It is definitely not for the kiddies.

It is already funded.

It's going to happen.

We already have the comics done.

We already have everything in place.

We're just waiting for this to end.

So it's a sure thing, right, Walt?

Oh, yeah, this is definitely happening.

And if you want in, if you want a copy of a soft cover or the hardcover, you got to go to the Kickstarter and type in Metro, or it's probably pinned on your Twitter.

What's your Twitter?

At BQQuinn.

And we have,

in four hours, we funded what we needed, which is great.

So we have some great stretch goals going that involve what?

Sketches.

We have Waltz and Original Sketches.

Colin and I are working on a little sidebook for it.

Little little dinner with the QA.

Nope, nope.

Not at all.

Not at all.

How many days are left, Hugh?

That's a great question.

Let me see.

17 days to go from this day.

You don't have that much time.

You got two weeks, but if you want to get involved, because I think right now this is the only place to get the book.

Yes.

Right now, for the foreseeable future.

Definitely this version.

The only way you're going to get this copy of this version with all this cool shit in it is by going to the Kickstarter and picking it up through there.

Yep.

And that's,

again, I wish we had a.

It's at kickstarter.com.

I guess you just type in Metro.

Metro, yeah.

And it should come up.

When you were naming the book, did you think at all, like, I know what it's about, but did you think at all that people will think it's about like a Metro dude who grooms his

push and shit?

It's about a Metro.

Yeah.

So not Metropolis.

No, it's about a Metropolis.

Especially because of Metropolitan.

He's grooming his testicles the entire book.

Oh, okay.

Well, now I'm in.

Tell him, Steve Davis.

I want to be an altar state with you.

Wouldn't it be great to be somebody new?

Be my lover, girl, I'll be a pivoted man.

I don't wanna be a welcome damn dance.

Fall down the point of your energy.

Baby, come to kill your wiggle with me.

I just wanna float around at my prefecture tank.

I don't care about my family at home.

I don't even wanna thank.

Just wanna get high-tailed unit balls.

Leave me alone, I wanna trip off.

I wanna be in an altered state with you.

Wouldn't it be great to be somebody new?

You'd be my lover, girl.

I'll be your primitive man.

I don't wanna be a girl who got her there.

Fall down the floor to be your energy.

Baby, come and kill your real

eyes.

Going down south of Mexico, I'm gonna party with the crime.

I oh, bust of mixed with blood, I'm gonna feel that comfy fire.

The rubber coffee party in the side of hell.

The setting chief, but wish you well.

I wanna be in an altered state with you.

Wouldn't it be great to be somebody new?

Be my holler girl, I'll wait a riveted man.

I don't wanna be the broken death of dance.

Fall down the border, fear and a game.

Maybe coming here, you're gonna go get out.

It's the gateway

to the sublime.

The link from modern man to the beginning of time.

I saw a lamb with seven horns and seven eyes.

A shroud burning on the floor and appearing my father's eyes.

Fond of even an all-time state with you.

Wouldn't it be great to be somewhere new?

Be my lava girl, I'll be your filler demand.

I don't wanna be a welcome demo there.

Fall down the board of pure energy.

Baby, come and kill your ego and me.

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